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lalal-99 · 7 months

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of the big city {h.j.} | track 2

©March 2023, February 2024 by lalal-99

Han Jisung x afab!reader | trope: slice of life, coming of age | word count: 6.9k

Synopsis: The one where uni starts and you meet some interesting people.

Check Chapter Overview for complete list of warnings

Note: The next chapters are gonna be much shorter, I promise. The overwork is going smoothly so far, I have the next chapter ready and will probably post beginning of next week. I also wrote two whole new chapters this week which I'm very proud of. I really hope I can finish this story this time around :)

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“Baby? Do you have some paper for me?”

With an annoyed eye roll you ripped a page from your new notebook, smoothing over the edges of the torn binder. You pushed the single page over towards him with reluctance.

“You forgot your notebook on the first day already?”

And to think notebooks and pens were the main reason you had gone to the store yesterday.

“Don’t blame me. You know I’m not a morning person. And you didn’t want to wake me up with sex, so...” The smugness in his voice made you wonder if he actually thought he had won this discussion. You raised your eyebrows at him, hinting at the thinness the metaphorical ice on which he was walking.

You usually didn’t get annoyed that easy. If you had, your relationship sure as hell wouldn’t have lasted this long. The reason: Jisung and his lack of understanding social cues. To take the hint and not bother you any further when you were already frustrated, all it took was a look.

Although he wasn’t the reason for your irritation today. Or at least not the sole one.

It was the first day of university, so naturally, you were a little on edge. Whatever happened from this day on would decide over the paths your life took in the future. It was a step you had waited so long to take but dreaded all the same. Jisung, as your loving boyfriend, should have known how much this meant to you.

Sometimes, you speculated if he did it on purpose. Rile you up when you were anxious to give you something to put your focus on instead. His intentions might have been sweet, but this wasn’t taking any tension off your shoulders. Jisung forgetting his notebook and blaming you for it, even as a joke, could have likely been the last straw.

“Baby?” As you looked back at him, you noticed his cute pout. It was almost cute enough to make you forget what you had been so annoyed about a minute earlier. “Do you also have a spare pen? And some highlighters would be nice, too.”

Shaking your head at Jisung, you let out a snort. So he hadn’t forgotten just his notebook, but his pen and highlighter too? Got it. Very unwillingly, you handed him the items. You thankfully always had a spear set in case of emergency. Or, in this case, your boyfriend’s scatterbrain you had been dealing with for many years already.

“You have got to be kidding me.” He blew you a playful kiss, thanking you for your service. “Don’t let this become a habit. I’m not piggybacking you through university as I did in High School. Understood?”

As much as you loved him, Jisung had his fair share of annoyances. Like his living-in-the-moment type of attitude. A contrast to your thoroughly organised persona, you usually appreciated your differences. Without his Yin, your Yang wouldn’t shine as bright and vice versa.

That still didn’t change that you wouldn’t be his personal secretary this time around.

Jisung was old enough to care for himself and not rely on his girlfriend for every one of his needs. Whether it was some paper and pens, your skillfully crafted cue cards, or an all-nighter before one of his final exams. How ever you had talked him into studying for that one anyways.

“I love you, too.”

If he only weren’t so damn cute.

Out of pure principle you ignored his comment with an unintentional snicker. You continued your draft outline on your first notebook page—your attempt of getting a head start on future lecture notes—thus almost missing the voice chatting up Jisung.

“I’m taking you won’t be sleeping in the dorm a lot, will you?”

The depth of the second voice made you look up from your notebook. As the light shone into the room from behind the boy, it almost blinded you. Once your eyes got used to the brightness, you could finally make out a lean figure. He set a reusable coffee cup on the desk next to Jisung before sliding onto the wooden chair.

The boy was clad in comfortable attire, loose hanging jeans paired with a simple t-shirt. His long, blonde hair messily framed his face, a green beanie rounding off his skater-boy look. Something told you he had more to himself than what his cover showed. The several silver rings on his fingers could have been the reason for your suspicion. Or it was how he carried himself—a perfect line leading from his soles to the tip of his head. In exact contradiction to your boyfriend’s slouching posture.

“Morning to you too, sunshine.” The smirk in Jisung’s tone indicated his playfulness and a sense of closeness. “Why do you care? You’re not in love with me, are you?”

“No,” the boy scoffed, his bag placed neatly under the table. “I just wondered if I can stop waiting up for you or if I will have to identify your corpse at some point.”

Looking past Jisung, the boy noticed your presence, sending you a heart-warming smile. The freckles all over his nose and cheeks juxtaposed the darkness of his voice and over-all looks. Something about his aura relaxed you, his company drenching his atmosphere in happiness.

“Hi, I’m Felix!”

“I’m Y/N. I’m Jisung’s-”

“Girlfriend. Yeah, I know. He talks about you a lot.”

Jisung leaned in closer to you, though he kept his voice at the same volume, “Be careful, baby. He’s very much in love with me already. I might leave you for him.”

“You can have him.” You leaned past your boyfriend, directly addressing Felix. “But make sure to always have a spare pen and paper. And also a spare pair of pants.” The scene from earlier this morning came back to mind, a teasing look creeping onto your face. “He might say he can care for himself, but he will wear your leggings and pink baby-girl crop top when there’s no alternative.”

“Good to know,” Felix replied with a deep chuckle, amused by the picture you had painted. He ran his hands through his blonde hair, showing off his ears and all the piercings. Okay, so, definitely not a skater-boy-type.

“You might be joking now.” Jisung threw a know-all look in your direction. “But you won’t be laughing when I wear your fishnets to your grandpa’s next birthday.”

“Don’t you dare put on my fishnets! They were expensive.”

“That’s alright. We’re about the same size, so he can wear mine.” Felix’s words came unexpected and not even Jisung couldn’t conceal his amusement.

“Great, there’s two of you now. Is it too late to drop out?”

In all the years you had known him, Jisung rarely ever made friends this easy. Not even a week on campus, and he had gotten close enough to Felix to joke in his usual manner. How they had even gotten this close when Jisung had spent most of the day at your place was a mystery to you. Still, the little time they had spent together was enough to have discovered a mutual hobby—catching Pokémon. As they argued over who had found the rarest creature, you picked up your previous task. Though that didn’t stop your joy in finding that Jisung had made a friend. And a nice one at that.

You felt guilty for even thinking it, but Jisung had never been particularly good at making friends. Not before meeting you and not afterwards either.

Most of all, you blamed the lack of a ‘do not say’-filter in his conversational skills. His openness posed an obstacle to making new acquaintances—or at least it had many times before. After years of getting side-eyed or complained about, he had stopped talking to new people all together. Like he already expected the sole attempt to make connection to backfire. The few relationships he had formed despite his shyness had been pure luck. And your very own relationship only existed due to your perseverance.

That Jisung had already befriended Felix, at least as much as possible in three days, put you in a bright mood. One of your biggest fears about moving was your boyfriend rooming with someone he didn’t get along with. With someone as talkative and easily compatible as Felix, Jisung would likely not be clinging to you as much. Which wouldn’t have been the worst scenario, but still.

With every passing minute the lecture hall filled more. When something sharp scratched your shin, your head finally snapped towards one of the new-comers. A blonde girl had sat down next to you, and you found the culprit when you noticed her pink heels.

“Oh my God. Did I hit you? I’m so sorry.” Her hand came to her mouth in shock as she apologised a couple of times. You rubbed over the sensitive skin which was already bruising from when you had hit that crate of boxes yesterday. Talk about unfortunate accidents. You pushed the urge to groan at the pain down, forcing a smile onto your face instead. “It’s those dang heels. I knew I should have worn the sneakers today.”

“It’s fine. Surprised me, that’s all.” Embarrassment reached over her cheeks to her ears, a frown painting her face. “No worries.”

For a few seconds she hesitated but finally accepted your willingness to let it go. Out of the corner of your eye, you followed her as she unloaded the contents of her purse. She pulled out a torn notepad and a vintage-leather pencil case, which must have seen better days. She reached back into her designer bag, face distraught as her search came up empty.

She tried grabbing the attention of two boys on her right side, tied deep into their conversation. When she eventually realised she had no other option, her gaze tiptoed towards you. “Sorry to bother you again.” Teeth nibbling at her lip, she forced herself to get over her embarrassing mistake seconds earlier. “Do you have a pen I can borrow?”

Even if your shin had hurt worse, you would have still helped her out. With a genuine smile, you nodded, searching your pencil case and then your bag.

“I wanted to grab one before leaving my room, but I noticed a stain on my shirt and needed to change it. So, I forgot about the pen,” the girl recounted her morning ventures. “I’m so sorry for bothering you.”

“You’re not bothering me,” you assured her. Your smile turned to an apologetic scowl once you realised you couldn’t help her out after all. “I’m sorry. I always carry at least one extra pen, but scatterbrain next to me left his head in bed this morning.”

“You talking ‘bout me?”

Jisung, who you hadn’t expected to react to the mention of his unflattering nickname, turned to you.

“Hey, Felix,” you called the boy two seats from yours, ignoring your boyfriend. “Do you happen to have a spare pen?”

“Sure. I always carry an extra one in case.”

“Interesting. So, some people do use their heads before leaving the house.” It was a reproachful remark addressed to Jisung and his forgetfulness, and he caught the meaning.

“Some people do use their heads before leaving the house,” he scrunched his nose, teasing you by mimicking your voice and repeating your previous words as you snickered. Your perfect boyfriend, everyone.

Felix handed the pen from his jacket past you, the girl accepting it with a thankful smile.

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“I usually go by Felix. But lifesaver is good, too.”

The girl giggled, before introducing herself, “I’m Yuqi. I live in the student housing off campus. You know, the ones next to that coffee shop with the green doors. It’s open 24/7. Genius marketing move, right?” Biting her lip after that info dump, you noticed her nose doing a little scrunch. “Sorry. I talk a lot.”

“I haven’t noticed,” Jisung joked, your elbow gracing his rib at his sarcasm. You wondered if there would ever come a day you didn’t have to act as his personalised filter.

“Don’t listen to the idiot next to me,” you declared, “I find it charming.”

“Me, too,” Felix agreed, and Yuqi relaxed. It told you that she usually didn’t get that reaction when spraying words like a waterfall.

“I live in the same building.”

Excitement took over her features. “What? No way! Which room?”

“B4.”

Yuqi shrieked, her hand touching your arm, “I’m B12! That makes us floormates.”

“I guess it does.” Yuqi was the first person you met who lived in the same building that wasn’t your roommate or her girlfriend. “I’m Y/N. And this,” you thumbed back at your boyfriend, “this is Jisung.”

“Hi,” he greeted her with an awkward wave.

“Nice to meet you all.”

With that, Yuqi picked up her purse, pulling out an old folder. Well, it appeared to be rather new, but the edges were already torn, some of the plastic cover coming off the corners. The latter especially gave you an ick, and you forcefully pushed down the urge to smooth over them. You could handle some chaos, even if this was a lot.

Good thing, Yuqi spoke up again, giving something different to concentrate on.

“What’s your major?”

“I’m doing Business Admin.” Before you could return the question, Yuqi already reacted, hand touching your biceps in excitement.

“No freakin’ way! I’m in Marketing.” The delight in her voice was addictive as you couldn’t help a grin pulling on your lips. “See, I even wore the perfect outfit for our first lecture later today.”

Yuqi leaned back, giving you a better look at her clothing.

She was in a pair of white jeans, a rosé-coloured blouse adorning the upper half of her lean figure. A single, thin gold necklace decorated her neckline, fitting the two golden earrings. The one thing that stood out in that well-rounded outfit was her other earrings. About a dozen of them decorated both ears from the dainty top to the slim bottom. To round the fit off, she wore a pair of light-pink high heels. The very same that had already made acquaintance with your shin.

“Pretty, right?”

“Very girlboss,” you agreed in earnest. Your own clothes contrasted her colourful optics, made up of mostly black items.

“I’m so glad I’m not the only girl in the classes.” There was a hint of playful disgust in her statement, making you chuckle. “All the other people I met who are in Business were boys. Not that boys are bad or anything. I love boys. But they can be—a lot.”

“I get it. I lived with three boys back home. Well, technically, my dad is a man,” you air-quoted, “but where’s the difference, right?” Yuqi chuckled. “It’s nice to have a girl around every once in a while.”

Yuqi reached for her coffee cup as her gaze wandered to the grey haired middle-aged man who entered the room. He walked up to the desk at the end of the hall, his briefcase landing on the table with a loud thud.

With that, you straightened up, pen in hand and ready to take notes the second your prof opened his mouth.

05:23 PM: Hey, are you studying in the dorm tonight?—Y/N 05:25 PM: No. The place is all yours :)—Hwasa 05:25 PM: Is lover boy coming over again ;)—Hwasa 05:26 PM: He’s hanging out with his roommate tonight... Bonding. I’m thinking about inviting a friend over. I met her at orientation earlier this week—Y/N 05:27 PM: Sounds fun—Hwasa 05:27 PM: Anything special planned?—Hwasa 05:27 PM: Not yet. Maybe eat something and a movie? Explore the city?—Y/N 05:28 PM: You wanna explore this bar Joey’s? I’m meeting some friends there later. Happy Hour starts at 8—Hwasa 05:29 PM: You sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude—Y/N 05:29 PM: I told you I’d be taking you out one of these days—Hwasa 05:30 PM: Texting you the address right now!—Hwasa

Stepping through the dark wooden doors, a wall of warmth hit you like a thick blanket.

It had gotten colder the past few days, fall beginning to hit the city. You took off your scarf, looking around the place in search of the familiar, pretty face.

This place seemed to be the city’s hotspot, every table packed to full capacity. Red velveteen clad the round tables right by the entrance, the seating options becoming wider once you reached the back. Couches fanned out in random patterns all over the dark oak floor. The furniture’s vintage finish further accented the brown parquet.

You felt like you had stepped straight into a movie scene.

The wave of a dainty hand over the crowd’s heads caught your attention as you spotted your roommate in the back. You grabbed Yuqi by the hem of her sleeve, dragging her behind you as you made your way to the group of girls with a smile.

“Hello,” you greeted the table once you had gotten close enough for them to see you.

Hwasa hugged you in bliss, almost tipping over the drink in front of her, “Hi! I’m so glad you could make it.” As she noticed Yuqi, she pulled her in for another warm embrace, “Nice to meet you! I’m Hwasa.”

“Yuqi,” your friend replied, joy written on her face at the enthusiastic welcome.

Knowing Hwasa and her usual calm persona, you knew she must have already taken full advantage of Happy Hour.

“Nice to meet you.” You introduced yourself to the two unfamiliar faces, sending Wheein a quick nod as she met it with a smile.

The two girls with your roommate and her girlfriend couldn’t have been much older than them. The first had straight black hair reaching the bottom of her back, at least from what you could tell. The other sported a short grey bob. It highlighted her sharp jaw in what you could only describe as a tomboy-ish look. Like Wheein and Hwasa, they were beautiful and made you somewhat self-conscious. You shouldn’t have come here unprepared, or put on mascara, at least.

First to introduce herself was the black-haired girl, her smile almost blinding you. “Hi, I’m Solar.”

An extraordinary name for an extraordinary beautiful person. Fitting. In your mind, there was no doubt she made people of any gender fall in love with her the moment she stepped into a room. Her calm, almost carefree aura was truly something else.

“And I’m Byul.” She was just as pretty, though in a less traditional sense. A boyish charm surrounded her, though her blazer hinted at a seriousness to her person. She looked—important.

You introduced yourself and Yuqi, pulling out the two remaining chairs. They must have fought off several people to reserve these. “Are you students, too?”

“We used to be,” Solar explained as she emptied her tulip-coloured drink.

The girls seemed to have stocked up on various drinks; more glasses than people were at the table. If the drinks were half as good as they looked, you’d be in for a long night.

“We graduated last year,” the black-haired beauty continued, bumping shoulders with Hwasa. “I used to be Hwasa’s roommate, actually.”

“I didn’t even notice!” Hwasa giggled, thus proving your assumption about the amount of alcohol consumed before your arrival. “She’s my ex, and you’re my next.”

You chuckled in amusement, reaching for the menu at the edge of the table. The faux leather was soft beneath your fingertips as you skimmed over the Happy Hour options. When your eyes landed on your favourite drink, a smile spread on your lips as you handed the menu over to Yuqi.

“They have Long Island Ice Tea in three different flavours?” Yuqi exclaimed, the scenic buzz of this place rubbing off on her. Not that she wasn’t this emotional about almost anything. “Would it be very immature to try them all tonight?”

“Not at all. I am browsing through the new offers myself. We can get drunk together.”

Not a fair fight. Hwasa had already gotten a head start.

You called over the waiter by raising your hand, and he headed for your table not a minute later. He raised an unintentional eyebrow at the consumption level—One Mojito, three Long Island Ice Teas and another Piña Colada and Gin Tonic. Even so, the boy sent you a smile, spinning around and wandering back to the bar.

Once he was gone, Hwasa swiftly emptied her previous drink. All it took was one strong sip through her straw, and the Tonic and ice was gone. The coldness reached her brain soon after, prompting her eyes to grow wider—like those of a comic-book figure.

“Babe, you should slow down,” Wheein suggested with a chuckle. But her girlfriend waved her off.

“I’m fine. Also, I don’t have any courses tomorrow, so I have the whole day to sleep off that hangover I’ll be having.”

“Great. I’ll remind you when you’re hugging the toilet seat later.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Mhm.” Wheein didn’t seem uber-convinced Hwasa would keep her promise but let it go anyways.

As the girls went back to their previous conversation, you tried your best to follow them.

You understood that Solar was passed over for a big promotion at her job and that she was convinced, her boss was sleeping with her opponent.

“What do you do for work?” Yuqi’s question took the words right out of your mouth.

“I am an assistant buyer at a small fashion label,” Solar explained, making you look at Hwasa in surprise.

“Don’t you also study fashion?” Taking a sip from her already empty glass, she nodded in silence. You frowned when you noticed her uncomfortable look at Wheein following your words. There must have been some form of backstory, and the last thing you wanted was to make things awkward. Instead you attempted correcting your mistake. “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

Passing a few glances around the table, Byul finally spoke up. “Our cutie Hwasa here used to study Chemistry full-time. She developed a small crush on Solar in her second year, so, she changed majors to spend more time with her.”

It took a moment to dawn on you why Wheein and Hwasa had reacted the way they did.

“Yes, but I hadn’t met my love then.” Hwasa bobbed her girlfriend’s nose, pouting to cheer her up. After a few seconds, Wheein couldn’t stop her frown from turning into a giggle. They were just the cutest.

“You’re a little drunk, aren’t you?”

“Drunk of love!”

“I stand corrected. You’re absolutely hammered.”

Playfully nudging her girlfriend, Wheein relaxed, emptying her own drink. Non-alcoholic, from what you had gathered.

“Anyways, since Solar is into boys only—”

“Men,” Solar interrupted her friend with a sigh. “I stopped dating boys a long time ago. They never know where to put things.”

“Sorry, since Solar is into men only,” Byul corrected, her eyes meeting yours again, “that didn’t work out. Now Hwasa is stuck with fashion. She met Wheein not too long after.”

“That’s right!”

The enthusiasm in her reaction made Hwasa finally tip over her glass. The melted ice cubes went all over the table, the cool liquid running down the sides. Some of it landed on your jeans, so while Hwasa apologised profusely, you called over the waiter a second time in five minutes.

A moment later, the young man rushed over with your drinks, handing you a towel to dry yourself. It didn’t go by you that his gaze focused on you for a few extra beats, but you ignored it. Your returned the now moist towel with kindness and he left with a light blush.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that.” Solar’s caught your attention by the touch of her hand as she nodded towards the waiter.

“Notice what?”

“That the waiter was flirting with you,” she explained, looking around the table. “You noticed too, didn’t you?”

Byul agreed, “Sure did.”

“You’re not one of those girls who are, like, super slow on cues, right?” You chuckled at her question, shaking your head.

“No, I noticed, too.”

The confusion on the beauty’s face made you chuckle a little. “So what, then? He’s cute. Get his number.”

“Nah, I’m good.” You waived her off, taking a sip from your fresh drink. The rum burned down your throat, the lime juice and sugar adding a bittersweet taste to it. “Also, I don’t think my boyfriend would be particularly happy with me asking other men for their number.”

If everyone’s focus hadn’t been on you already, it sure was now.

“You have a boyfriend?”

“Very much so, yes.”

Solar seemed surprised by the information.

“Is it serious? I mean, you obviously shouldn’t cheat on him. But you are at university. If you don’t explore and get to know yourself now, when will you get another chance?”

You took another sip to ease the discomfort from being the center of attention. Not exactly where you usually were. “We’ve been together for five years. I’d say that’s pretty serious.” That did the trick, her mouth now agape in shock. She leaned in closer to you, cradling her chin in her palm.

“Five years? So, you’re High School Sweet Hearts?”

“Middle School, actually.”

“Is he any hot?” Yuqi interrupted, also leaning in further. How your relationship had become the talk of the whole table had gone right by you.

“What do you mean? You met him at orientation. He sat right next to me.”

“No way! That’s your boyfriend?” You hummed, agreeing. “But you called him dumbass like 5 times in one hour.”

“I did, but it’s more a term of endearment. I call Jisung dumbass; he calls me stupid. It’s a whole thing.”

As soon as you had cleared that up, Solar was back at it, hitting you with question after question.

“Wait, but like, for real. You’ve never been with anyone else since Middle School?”

You shook your head, correcting her statement. “I’ve never been with anyone else ever.”

Usually, you never talked about yourself and your relationship this much. You were rather private in that sense, though, you also understood their curiosity. It wasn’t every day that you met someone who had been with the same person since they were 14. You understood the length of your relationship was uncommon for someone your age.

“So, he’s your first boyfriend?”

“Yup.”

“So, you never kissed anyone else? Had sex with anyone else?” Byul further interrogated, now also fully invested in your love life. That you had only met the girls maybe 20 minutes ago seemed irrelevant. Not like you hadn’t seen that question coming sooner or later.

You agreed with a nod. “I never wanted anyone else.”

“How do you even maintain a relationship for that long?” Yuqi budded in again, her focus different from the older women’s. “My longest relationship lasted 4 months, and then I got tired of him.” For some reason, her statement made so much sense to you. Yuqi definitely needed constant excitement to fill her heart. “What’s your secret.”

You thought about it before answering shortly, “Shared trauma, maybe?” When no one laughed at your words, you backtracked. Your honesty might have been too much for them after all. “That was a joke. Obviously. We have a lot in common and went through similar stuff in life.”

It became quiet for a few seconds, though you sensed that Solar was holding back. Whatever she might have had dancing on the tip of her tongue, she took her sweet time wording it in her pretty head.

“Please, don’t take this the wrong way.” Always a great way to start a sentence. “If the shoe fits, tie that bitch up. But you’re in college now. This is your time to explore your interests—your options. No one comes out of college the way they go in. It’s a life-changing experience.”

“So, I should cheat on my boyfriend, is what you’re saying?” You started getting a little defensive now that your love life appeared to be under attack. All the attention got uncomfortable as much as you understood where it was coming from.

“That’s not what I was saying at all.” Some of the tension fell from your shoulders. “I’m saying people change. So, don’t be surprised if your boyfriend and you don’t work out.” Still not the direction you wanted this conversation to go. But Solar continued anyway. “Take Byul, for example.”

Solar leaned back, her hand coming to her friend’s shoulder.

“Byul started college, wanting to become a lawyer.” Byul nodded, agreeing. Her blazer somehow made more sense now. “She finished her degree and opened her own music production studio not two months later. And Hwasa—” With that, Solar went on to your roommate, who threw her a playful wink. “The first year of college, she cycled between so many partners, we were certain, she’d end up pregnant or with an STD. And look at her now.”

From how lovingly Hwasa was gazing at Wheein, there was no doubt in your mind that she had happily moved on from those days.

“And when Wheein started college,” Solar continued her list, “she was straight as a ruler. Do you see what I’m saying?”

“I do.”

And it was the truth. You understood that most people used college to find their path in life. The women around you were the best example for it. All four of them had found their place in the world, who they wanted to be, through university. You didn’t doubt that whatever had happened to them was necessary for them to grow into the women they were today.

At the same time, you knew your life better than anyone else at this table. You remembered every little thing you had gone through together, with Jisung. You understood how his mind worked. What he struggled with and how to get him through it emotionally—you had witnessed most of it with your own eyes.

And there was nothing one-sided about it either. There was no doubt in your mind that the same went for Jisung. He knew you like the palm of his hand—and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’m still very sure we are not gonna break up.”

“I hope you don’t.” Yuqi finally came to your rescue, cutting the tensive atmosphere. “He’s adorable.”

Thankfully, Solar accepted it as the end of story. She sat back as Yuqi diverted the conversation from you to Byul, asking her about her work at the studio. You calmed down as the centre of attention drew from you and towards the ins and outs of the music industry. When Hwasa playfully bumped her shoulder into yours, you looked up at her. A teasing wink showcased her support and affection. And probably her drunkenness.

“Sorry about her. Solar can be very straightforward, but she has a good soul. She’s a realist, and very openly so.”

“It’s alright,” you told her, taking your glass and a huge sip of your Mojito. “I know most relationships at our age don’t last. But we’re solid as a rock. It’d need a tsunami to separate us.”

You hoped the rest of the night would go a little less awkward than this. Though, as the alcohol ultimately entered your system, you soon forgot about the whole conversation.

“I’m gonna be sick.”

A second later Hwasa bent over the nearest bush.

“What happened?”

“She got sick,” you explained the situation as you used your hair tie to fixate Hwasa’s long locks behind her neck. “You good?”

Hwasa wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and nodded as she stumbled towards the housing entrance. Wheein supported her other side, the two of you exchanging concerned looks.

“Is she gonna be alright?”

“I think so. It usually takes a glass of water and an aspirin, and she’ll be back to her old self.” You didn’t doubt Wheein knew how her girlfriend usually handled alcohol. “I’m gonna take her to my room to make sure. It’s closer to the bathroom, and I don’t have a roommate she could disturb.”

“You have a single room?” Yuqi questioned in surprise. Her enthusiasm after midnight was still higher than yours had been all evening. “Man, I should become dorm supervisor next year.”

“It has its perks.”

Yuqi took over once you had reached your room, holding up Hwasa so they could lead her to her girlfriend’s room.

“Good night. Call me if you need help,” you told Wheein, who nodded thankfully.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” After Yuqi had bidden her goodbye, you turned to your door, entering the four-digit code to unlock it.

Once inside, you rid yourself of your shoes, turning the lights on as you set your bag down by your dresser.

A groan came from your bed, making you jump and stumble back against the wooden cupboard. Your blanket moved at the disturbance, a bulge the size of a grown person appearing underneath it. It took a mop of familiar brown hair to calm you as you realise that not an intruder had overtaken your bed.

“Dang it! Jisung, you creep! You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Noticing the tired haze in his eyes, you strolled over to him. You slid next to his torso as your hand reached for his chubby cheek, grazing his skin. It woke him up, your action met with a sigh and his head leaning comfortably against your palm.

Under the blanket, you noticed his shirt, which didn’t even begin to cover his bulging biceps. It took you a moment to recognise why it didn’t fit him like his other clothes usually did.

“Are you wearing my crop top again?” Amusement laced your tone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You almost didn’t understand him, his vague mumbling blurrier than typical. He must have been asleep for a while.

“What are you doing here? I thought you wanted to hang out with Felix tonight.” You took out your earrings, neatly placing them on the small nightstand by your bed. “What happened to bonding with your roomie?”

“We hung out for four hours,” he explained with a yawn. “Then I came over because I missed you.”

Running your hand down the side of his face, he grabbed it as soon as he could reach it. He brought it to his lips to give your skin a quick peck.

“Now, come to bed, so we can sleep.”

“I need to get changed and brush my teeth first.”

“I can help you get out of your clothes. And I don’t care if your breath stinks.”

“I care.” You got off your bed to rush through your evening routine so you could fall into your love’s arms already. Yet, your intentions were rudely interrupted. “What the heck!”

Before you could take a step, Jisung’s arm snapped out from beneath your blanket, pulling you back. You couldn’t react fast enough as he dragged you into a lying position next to him, still fully clothed.

“See? I don’t care.”

“What about the light?”

Lifting his head off your pillow, he grabbed the tissue box from your nightstand and tossed it at the light switch. You didn’t know when he had suddenly learned to aim, but it hit smack-bang in the middle, shutting off all the light in your room.

“I gotta admit, that was impressive.”

“Now, let’s get you out of those clothes.”

You giggled as he effortlessly opened the button and zipper of your pants and dragged them down your legs. He tossed them towards the end of the bed, to be dealt with tomorrow. Next was your top, which he swiftly brought over your head, throwing it to join the rest of your clothes.

“If you only cleaned as quick as you undress me.”

“Everybody has their own forté.” You snickered at his words, closing the gap between you. “I could also be way quicker than that. We haven’t had sex in a week. Right now, your clothes are my nemesis.”

The heat of his body caught you in a warm hug, “A week already, huh?”

“8 days and 7 hours, to be exact. But who’s counting?” His arm came around you, scooting you closer so your back pressed flat against his chest.

“You wanna reset that clock?”

“Nah,” he brushed your suggestion off. “I’m way too tired to have sex right now.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“About that.” His hot breath fanned over your neck. “I know it’s date night, but there’s this party I was invited to. I thought we could go to that instead.”

“A party?” It was the first week of university. How had your introverted boyfriend already been invited to a party? You should have probably seen the answer coming. “Whose?”

“I think you know.”

Of course, you knew. How could you not when his parties had been legendary even back in the day? Though, until now, you had suppressed his present at this campus all together. His being the one who shalln’t be named.

You thought about Jisung’s suggestion for a second.

Sure, a party would intervene with your bi-weekly date night. And, on top of that, it was organised by someone, you didn’t know how to approach after everything that had gone down. But this was university, after all. And, as Solar had said before: University is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. So, why the heck shouldn’t you go to a party?

“So? What do you say?”

“Fine.” Jisung’s previously unbothered expression turned into a smile as he grazed his lips to your neck. “Just... Don’t tell your sister we’re going. I’m not sure she would appreciate us hanging out with her ex.”

“Lying to my sister? Who are you, and what did you do to my girlfriend?” A yawn hit your ear, your face scrunching at the unwanted ASMR session. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

As Jisung slipped into a deep slumber, your mind raced through the events of your day. It usually did at the end of the day, your mind too tired to do anything productive but too awake to rest. The silence around you allowed you to remember an earlier text message you never got to answer.

Pulling your arm out of your boyfriend’s iron hold on your body, you reached for your phone on the nightstand.

Your dad had sent you a voice message about three hours earlier when you had still been at the bar. You pushed the play button and brought the phone to your ear to not disturb Jisung’s beauty sleep. By all means, he needed it. Or so he said.

“Hi, honey. It’s dad. I hope you had a lovely day and aren’t studying too hard already.” You smiled at his words, knowing it was one of his biggest hopes for you to get some time to yourself. “Remember what I told you when you left? Live a little!” A pause as he was seemingly picking up something from the ground. “I just wanted to ask when you were coming home Friday. I’m planning brunch with you two and Jia, so if you could be here by noon, that’d be great.”

Friday was the day after tomorrow. You hadn’t forgotten you’d be going back home for the weekend, but you sure hoped the party tomorrow wouldn’t keep you up all night. If you had to be home by noon, you’d have to leave campus by ten. And after a party, like you expected this one to be, you prayed you and a certain someone wouldn’t be too hungover.

“Anyways, sleep tight, and have a lovely night. We miss you!”

A second voice appeared in the background, not too far from your father’s, and your heart skipped a happy beat. The words were harder to make out as he was munching on an apple, cereal, or something else crunchy.

Still, there wouldn’t come a day you wouldn’t understand his babbling.

“Come home soon, please! Mhpf—I miss you, mommy.”

With a loving smile plastered on your face, you replied with a heart emoji. After such a perfect goodnight-messaged, you’d be sleeping like a stone tonight.

Next Chapter >>> Let me know if you want to be tagged. Make sure you have an age indicator in your profile.

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redleavesinthewind · 9 months

Text

elliot's 2023 fic wrap up

2022 version

alright friends it is once again time for me to review the (many) fics i read in the previous year and try to write a more or less concise rec list of my absolute faves (i wish i didn't have to chose but heh i'm not gonna subject anyone to 332 fics in 1 post - also wait only 332 fics? that's like. over 100 less than last year, what the fuck. anyway)

okay now first the part that interests no one but me (yes you may skip this) and that's the numbers part! i'm not making a whole elaborate spreadsheet to then not throw around cool numbers. anyway.

i've read around 4,932k words in 332 fics across 18 fandoms. that is much less than last year, and yeah, i've been generally less productive in 2023 but we don't have to talk about it. at least i have more variety of fandoms this time (let's ignore that it's only 2 more and also that from fandom 13 on there's only 1 fic per fandom)

i started out the year strong with 847k words across 72 fic in february (followed by 753k across 42 fics in january, and 621k words across 63 fics in march). it goes downhill for the rest of the year. eh it wasn't my year so what! 2024 is gonna be more filled with fic reading again!!!

my top 3 fandoms are so entirely unsurprising to me i am almost disappointed in myself. when did i become so predictable. top fandom is young royals with 166 fics! congratulations young royals, you are a very persistent hyperfixation, you didn't peter out after 2 months like i expected. Spot number 2 is taken by avatar the last airbender with 41 fics! giant leap there, but it's also funny because i fell into an atla rabbit hole late 2023 (as i do every few years) and it still got up to 41 fics despite uni not allowing me to read last semester (uni is evil). Same as last year, spn takes third place with 38 fics. speaking of persistent hyperfixations.......... *big sigh*

and that is it the boring part is over let's go to the fun section LET'S REC SOME FIIIIIICCCCSSSSSSS (under the cut)

JANUARY

bet you you'll ... (noraverse) (series) by @gh0sthugs | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 52k words

a kid fic!! and such a sweet one too! i'm kinda weak for kid fics ngl, and nora is so sweet and wonderful, and the relationship that slowly forms between wille and simon is beautiful and comfortable. this whole series is just such a good time

spreadsheet notes: ah to fall in love with the dilf next door who also happens to be the ex crown prince of the country

A Royal Intervention by AnxiousAnaconda | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 18k words

erik is being such a dumbass in this one. like, he means well, but he's kinda messing up and pissing people off (understandably). it's nice to get a view on erik that's not portraying him as this perfect guy though, and the fic is actually so much fun to read. and hey, the prime minister of luxembourg gets mentioned, which i was kinda waiting for in yr fic ngl

spreadsheet notes: big sigh... erik you fucking idiot. stop listening to august. also shoutout to xavier bettel apparently (edit: this aged poorly, fuck xavier bettel)

and each slow dusk by @if-fortunate | young royals, wilmon | mature | 49k words

okay. ooookay how do i even begin with this one. ohhh boy. okay. so. world war three. wille gets stuck in bjärstad with simon, many many things happen, it's about finding hope in a horrible situation and trying to live life despite everything falling apart around you. it's incredibly well written and something about it just has me in awe

spreadsheet notes: i don't know what it says about me that this is without a shadow of a doubt the best fic i have ever read in my life

Put Me Back Together and Take My Heart by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 50k words

i once again don't know what to say, this one is sooo good. simon is suffering and both wille and i hate it, but... but wille is there for him and ugh, they just... they just can't be apart. a story of reconciliation and healing from both physical and invisible wounds, and of making the right decisions for yourself

spreadsheet notes: ugh. UGH. my guys. MY GUYS. yeah let's go blackmail the queen

Department Six by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf | gen | 4k words

a fun short one about stiles and danny working for the fbi and being delightfully weird and mysterious

spreadsheet notes: HILARIOUS i'm in love with outsider pov always

FEBRUARY

There Are No Wolves in California by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf, sterek | gen | 5k words

you know, sometimes you see a fic you know is going to hurt you, and you've never clicked on anything faster. this is definitely one of those fics

spreadsheet notes: let's be wolves today yeah well derek what if i just break down and cry instead

you got my body, i got your body by @prince-simon | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 9k words

this one's technically part of a bigger series (which, definitely read that one too), but i'm highlighting this one cause... damn... this made me feel things... like, gender things... which is really weird cause wille's gender in this is very much different from mine BUT STILL

spreadsheet notes: how almost 9k of pwp gave me so many gender feelings i will never understand

Changing Channels: Queer Premiere by @emeraldcas, @fellshish | spn, deancas | gen | 27k words

this might actually be one of the funniest fics i've ever read. dean and cas are so stupid (affectionately) and all the crossovers are delightful (bonus that i knew all the other shows). everyone go read this it's gonna be the best time

spreadsheet notes: mel and fells have genuinely outdone themselves this is the most hilarious shit i've ever read

Catalyst by @stretchoutfics | young royals | teen&up | 3k words

a backstory for boris! this fic is within a series of other side character ficlets, but this one has a soft spot in my heart

spreadsheet notes: AAAAHHHH HE KNEW ABOUT THE RECKLESS DRIVING BUT DIDN'T BRING IT UP but also... him being a gay man trying to help the queer crown prince navigate his sexuality that's kinda nice actually, like boris understands at least a bit

The most beautiful boy by lovelysarcastic | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 88k words

there's something incredibly grounding about this fic. the way it develops, the way wille rationalises his thought processes, the way the relationship between wille and simon develops... this fic just kinda sucked me in and spit me out again feeling... content and calm and... it's just... this fic is so beautiful

spreadsheet notes: dude i love this so much??? they're both so stupid??? i love them???

MARCH

All's Fair in Love and Hunting by @badjoices | spn, deancas | mature | 20k words

they're playing gay chicken but also are being incredibly competitive and stupid about it, and i'm just sorry about the shit sam has to witness. so many shenanigans in this fic

spreadsheet notes: they are both so stupid omg

["mi cotufita" started sharing their screen] by @omar-rudeberg | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 60k

so... this is a follow up to one of my favourite fics and it is a delight. very horny but also very sweet? and also for some reason there's porn. fun times! oh, and this fic made me cry. it really has the range

spreadsheet notes: how are they so horny it's so funnyyyyyy, but also if i were wille i could never look linda in the eyes again

A Light To Guide You In The Dark (Warmed By The Fire's Glow) by 80shairmetal | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 19k words

this is just... people taking care of each other out of the kindness of their hearts. finding comfort in strangers who become family. growing and helping each other. there's such a beauty to this one

spreadsheet notes: this is just..... comfort

did you see the love in my eyes, oh were you gazing through this disguise? by @tooindecisivetopickaurl | young royals, wilmon | mature | 67k words

fake dating my beloved. they're so in love with each other but they're pretending not to be while pretending... to be? i'm obsessed with them. but they're so respectful with each other and cautious of boundaries and they really are best friends who also happen to be obliviously in love

spreadsheet notes: love a good fake dating au they're so stupid i love them

flash like a setting sun by @playedwright | 911, buddie | explicit | 22k words

because you only realise you're in love with your best friend when you're scared you're losing him. that's the fic. and it's beautiful

spreadsheet notes: oh this is sooooo beautifully written and ugh just <333

Other people's secrets by @sflow-er | young royals, walty & wilmon | mature | 239k words

yooooo hello? so first off this is an outsider pov on wilmon which i am always obsessed with anyways but the focus isn't just on them, this is henry's story. it's a beautiful story about how friendships form and warp and change, how feelings manifest in different ways, how decisions and actions have consequences. it's an incredibly mature take on post-s1, and it's probably my favourite of the year. also ace representation!!!!

spreadsheet notes: ace henry my beloved <33 also love seeing wilmon from an outside perspective! such a good, well thought out fic with lots of healthy comminication <33

APRIL

if i stare too long by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringroveson | explicit | 191k words

i haven't seen st s4 (and probably won't watch it) but that definitely won't stop me from reading harringroveson fic. i mean, who wouldn't look at those three and immediately want to see them together. the way their dynamic is written in this fic is peak, i don't even know what more to say. i also very much trust these authors with billy, and again i wasn't disappointed. there's just something in his head that's intriguing.

spreadsheet notes: this whole fic is such a vibe it makes me feel of hot summer chillin

MAY

Rewrite the Stars (series) by @in-amor-veritas | young royals, wilmon | mature | 137k words

definitely one of the highlights of the year, simon's whole life in new york... those scenes, they just show such a wonderful life simon has built for himself, and his relationship with wille doesn't change it, but he manages to fit in (after, you know, fun rom-com drama shenanigans). also. this is a kid fic. kid fics are my weak spot. rasmus is my new favourite little guy. also shoutout to luis best side character ever

spreadsheet notes: YELLING i love this fic sooo much it is everything

Where The Wind Will Carry Me by @1-life-to-give | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 49k words

AND THEY WERE ACTORS PLAYING LOVE INTERESTS. do i have to say more? the tension guys the TENSION. also erik's side-plot i'm in love

spreadsheet notes: hopping up and down like a hyperactive chihuahua EN I LOVE THIS

Your love is my turning page (the t4t wilmon as girldads au) (series) by @willesworld | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 17k words

i know i know another kid fic BUT!!!! t4t wilmon. makes it automatically superior. i'm not even kidding, add trans characters and i will like your fic (that i probably already like a lot) aroun 300000000 times more. but also this series comes for your feelings. it hits

spreadsheet notes: i am weak for t4t wilmon AND them having a biological child there's something so beautiful about it like that could be meeee ; siiimon i need to hug him and i need to hug wille they're gonna get out of this i prommy ; recovery and one step forwards a hundred steps back, but they made it there in the end ; they were so happy :((((

JUNE

A trace of dew by nuncflore | elden ring, this is too complicated | gen | 13k words

very elden ring-esque writing style, wonderful representation of whatever the hell is going on in the lore. hehehehehhe fucked up family ehhehehehe DIVORCE. my friends are so talented :))

spreadsheet notes: CAP I AM EATING YOU

Hanging from the Ceiling by @spicymiilk | spiderverse | teen&up | 6k words

for like. a week after i saw the new spiderverse movie i made miles 42 my entire life. that also meant reading this fic. and damn did this fic hit. i am still thinking about it

spreadsheet notes: i need more miles 42 content he is my favourite guy ever

The Darkest Little Paradise by @yourdemiurge | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 79k words

*holding you at gunpoint* read this fic. read it now, in this moment. you are not gonna regret it. believe me when i say you NEED this fic, you really do. doesn't even matter if you've seen yr or not. you're gonna thank me later

spreadsheet notes: THIS IS INSANE I CAN'T BREATHE MADY WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

JULY

Protected (series) by bastuba | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 69k words

hey do you ever read a fic and you just feel. so incredibly grounded because something about the characters feels grounded? like, they aren't grounded, but they still give off that vibe? idk how to explain this properly but that's this fic. also wille and simon cook together (i haven't read all parts of the series yet btw)

spreadsheet notes: incredibly grounded very mature how is wille like this ; i'd be like wille, always complaining about the heat ; they're soooooo. idiots. getting tattoos for each other ; i too would come out on a podcast about food ; SAFE SEX

AUGUST

The Season of Rebirth by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 30k words

part of a series, but i'm picking out this one specifically because it's soooo sweet!!! the title fits the fic so well, like yes it is the season of rebirth, but simon and wille's relationship is also rehashed in a very cool way, this fic is like one giant easter egg, i love it so much!

spreadsheet notes: wille taking the season of rebirth to recreate their early relationship, i am obsessed with him he's such a dumbass romantic

The Upgrade by @groenendaelfic | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 13k words

it's about the moment simon realises who wille is. that's why this fic is here. i mean of course also because it is very good, but mainly because of that moment

spreadsheet notes: the moment simon realised who wille is i am wheezing

Right Where You Left Me by @armandgender | spn, deancas | explicit | 94k words

if you're wondering why this fic is on my 2023 list instead of the 2022 list.... well that's because it took me almost a year to read the last chapter, and in terms of how my spreadsheet works, that makes it a fic i read in 2023. anyway. if you haven't read this fic yet, what are you even still doing here. click on that link right now. you want complex emotional situations? intricacies of ill-advised marriages? you wanna pick through abusive behaviour and encourage infidelity? well you're at the right place! also this has one of my favourite jack characterisations ever. it also made me go on multiple rants

spreadsheet notes: I FINALLY FINISHED IT AAAAHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC THE CABIN THE CATS JACK!!!!!

Alejito y Marimar (series) by th0ughts | red, white, and royal blue | teen&up | 18k words

OBSESSED WITH THIS DYNAMIC YOOOOOO. seriously the friendship between alex and martha is an expansion of the rwrb universe that is much needed, trust me

spreadsheet notes: the friendship i didn't know i needed in my life <333 ; they're just chillin!!!

SEPTEMBER

Change of Address (series) by hearmerory | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 134k words

okay. oooookay. strap in for this one, it is a lot. emotionally. like yes zuko is autistic, yes yes yeeees, i agree, also azula is treated like an actual person with actual mental issues, she deserves to be treated with care and this author definitely does that! this is the kind of series that makes me want to disappear in it, but it's also the kind of story i need breaks from, because it is so heavy (definitely check the tags for this one). zuko's relationship with sokka is written so thoughtfully and iroh is characterised incredibly and the author even included ursa in a way that didn't undermine everything that happened in the series before she appeared again. i can only recommend this one!

spreadsheet notes (there's lots of parts to the series, so this one is long): hhhh if i were ms jamieson i would have snapped after two days probably ; be nice katara!!!!! he's nervous ; i need to murder ozai ; and i need to murder zhao as well ; iroooohhhhh he should have just. taken the kids with him that first time he noticed something off ; yeah i think there was a reason why iroh never took zuko to the movies ; ozai needs to suffer ; i need to destroy ozai. violently and painfully ; iroh is the best uncle ever, zuko deserves all his kindness ; azula...... you don't have to fight for affection, it's not a competition..... they love you ; iroh should have taken her with him the first time around, she was like. 10, he could have just picked her up or sth ; ..... hakoda you idiot ; IROH BACKSTORY IROH BACKSTORY ; sokka and the plan that changed his life <3333 ; they are so soft with each other ; they all deserve all the therapy and support and yes sokka obviously you have adhd get with the program ; URSA??????? also i am living for sokka and azula's dynamic they are everything ; i don't. i don't understand her. i don't fucking understand her how could she not want her own children. how can she talk about them like that. like she knows them she doesn't know them she LEFT

Every night my teeth are falling out by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 9k words

i was in need of some good zuko angst and oooohhh boy was i lucky to find this author. PEAK zuko angst. this fic in particular is very dear to me because it explores how mental illnesses would be handled in a world where there's practically no resources to help. i think we need that more

spreadsheet notes: yes well. how DO you deal with a schizophrenic fire lord in a fantasy world? (you stay with him and support him that is how)

OCTOBER

for years or for hours by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 52k words

listennn i love myself some good polyamory fics, and this is the first fic i read for this ship and now i am OBSESSED with them. but this fic in particular.... the concept alone, like. what do you do when you thought the man you love was dead for 800 years, and then when he comes back you have another man you love. the answer is simple. polyamory. the two men you love also love each other. perfect coincidence.

spreadsheet notes: YO the concepts of witchers in modern times alone is sooo cool but adding in everything else? hello yes?

this is a love story by @achillestiel | supernatural, deancas | mature | 3k words

listen, i've never seen fleabag, but that's not the point. this is intriguing and funny, that's the point

spreadsheet notes: fucked up families and you want to fuck the priest hell yeah

The road not taken looks real good now by @stretchoutfics | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 90k words

it's not even the wilmon part i love about this fic (i very much enjoy it of course don't get me wrong) but wille and his kids. like, i don't want to spoil anything but like. wille's interactions with his kids are so important in this fic, and they're written so well. like, emilia is my favourite character in this, i kinda wish there was more with the kids honestly. this fic is definitely a highlight of the year, and to get back to wilmon, i do love how they're portrayed in this fic, how their dynamic plays out, and specifically how certain decisions do not depend on simon

spreadsheet notes: no but. the care put into this story. i can't--

NOVEMBER

Averno (series) by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 12k words

a fascinating take on a fire lord zuko that was never part of the gaang

spreadsheet notes: HE JUST DESERVES KINDNESS but also he's a little fucked up WELL NO WONDER GIVE HIM KINDNESS ; i mean.... what makes a monster really ; well then let's get him out of his cell shall we (also hiiiii suki hello <3333)

Half Awake in Our Fake Empire by @hmslusitania | 9-1-1, buddie | teen&up | 34k words

another kid fic!!! but in a different fandom this time!!! seriously, giving buck a child fills so many of my life's needs it's ridiculous

spreadsheet notes: THEY'RE A FAMILY (thank you for giving that man a child)

a soldier (who carries a mighty sword) by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 92k words

everything about this fic is wonderful!! the world(kaer morhen!!)building, the developing dynamic between geralt, jask, and eskel, ciri and yenn, the conflict, jask as a teacher!!!! aaahhhhh!

spreadsheet notes: they're my new favourite guyssss this whole fic is so cool, what they've done with kaer morhen <3333

Will We Last the Night by CSHfic & VSfic | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | teen&up | 143k words

this fic asks what if sokka had been stuck with zuko since the end of s1 and delivers a delightful answer. this is the adventures of zuko and sokka (and sometimes iroh) travelling through the earth kingdom. shenanigans ensue

spreadsheet notes: i am obsessed with this i'm just. i know it was only shortly but their life in ba sing se. obsessed

DECEMBER

Grudge Match by @catcas22 | elden ring | gen | 17k words

i'm not entirely sure how to explain this. it sure is an elden ring fic

spreadsheet notes: i don't even know what to say. this is ridiculous and brilliant and stupid and genius all at the same time. hell yeah suburban demigods

Lonely Digging by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 3k words

this is hilarious. go read it to unlock intense life-threatening flirting

spreadsheet notes: best way to flirt billy's doing everything right

***

(quick note: i’ve tried to find everyone’s tumblr handle, but i’m aware that not all the authors have tumblr/have it on their ao3, however if i somehow missed someone, i can go back and rectify that!)

if you’ve made it all the way down here i am giving you a kiss <3

#pigeon coos #fic reading shenanigans #fic rec #ALL THE LOVE TO FIC WRITERS YOU GUYS ARE DOING AMAZING!!!!

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nikitasys · 4 months

Text

LIFE WITHOUT FILTER AS A TRAUMAGENIC POLYFRAG+PARTIALLY PROGRAMMED DID SYSTEM

TW : vent, rant, ramcoa, programming, su!c!de mention

(I'm in desperate need for advice, for some kind of guidance or support from other progged systems who may have gone through something similar to what we're describing in this post, or not but who may have ideas of what might be going on with us.)

I stg life has been so exhausting & I just have to unmask & say it SOMEWHERE.

We're a relatively newly discovered+diagnosed system since I realised we were one in August/September of last year (2023). Before that we had been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for several years.

When I first realised we were multiple, I progressively began discovering the other alters. The whole process (we're also in trauma therapy) was difficult & messy but overall as days went by I personally felt more & more satisfied to see/feel how much progress we were making, even with all the highs & lows it entailed. I got to meet & learn to know a few alters, we were able to work on some of our problematic in-sys dynamics & slowly but surely understand ourselves better, both as individuals & as a whole.

Long story short, we were PROGRESSING.

Then things got even messier as our trauma therapy caused even more lifting of the dissociative amnesia in our childhood & we progressively realised we were polyfrag & had been through RAMCOA & programming. (That happened end of February/beginning of March 2024)

The whole process was getting more & more chaotic & distressful but we (me + the rest of our group of main fronters) were pretty determined to figure things out & keep on going forward, which was extremely annoying to a bunch of programmed alters who immediately tried their best to keep us quiet/isolated & make us feel insane/terrified by trying to make us go back to our primary abuser, OR convince our psychiatrist to put us on antipsychotics & hospitalise us, OR leave the place we live in to go who-knows-where & ghost everyone we knew, OR off ourself etc... in a nutshell, it was really freaking hard.

But some of us were determined to keep trying to do what was best for us, to keep trying to get better, to gain at least some kind of free will, to LIVE.

I'm sorry, this post is way too long.

But anyway, now it's been a few months since I just don't know what's going on with us anymore. The veryyyy little visualisation I could have of our innerworld is gone, all the main fronters seem to have truly disappeared (mass dormancy?) as well as the vast majority of alters we had identified up to this day. It seemed that I was frontstuck for a long while, & now it's been a few weeks that alters just randomly pop up (whether they front or stay co-conscious) & then disappear almost immediately after as if nothing had happened & I just... I feel so lost.

It's all just so frustrating you know ? To me it truly feels like something MAJOR happened inside both to our innerworld + all the alters & I'm being deliberately locked away from the truth of what it is. I feel like I'm being punished, & tbh I probably am. I'm in a lot of denial about our programming but the whole thing definitely feels like one (or more ?) internal handler/programmer has been orchestrating some kind of system reboot or hardcore scramble or... I DON'T KNOOOW 😭 I just don't know anything anymore. It's like nothing ever happened & it's particularly distressing, you know ? It is SO weird to know deep down that massive stuff is going on inside yourself but at the same time you know nothing & it all makes me wonder if I ever knew anything in the first place ? These thoughts make me dizzy af. It just feels like since syscovery there was overall progress happening, & now there's just nothing. As if everything had been suddenly turned off & restarted or... I just don't know.

Anyway. I realise no one will read this post entirely, but if for some reason you are doing it, first of all congrats & also, THANK YOU.

Don't hesitate to contact us via DMs or comment if you have any questions or advice, we'll be more than happy to answer you to the best of our abilities. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR HELP 🙏🏻

— host (I think?)

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absolutebl · 2 years

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This Week in BL - All the endings

March 2023 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 3 of 8 - Only one of them is in a fuck buddy relationship, and it’s not King Moon-eyes Husband-material. This show is so damn good. I love it when high heat is used to serve the characters and the narrative, as well as us fans. (In other words, take away the sexualized part of this relationship and the whole story would fall apart.) I suppose we should pay attention to Uea’s rules since they will all be broken. Uea has a bit of a demanding spoiled prince thing going and I’m not mad about it. This may be the most neck-kissy couple ever, I’m so happy for them! Yet another installment in “Thailand, please get that boy to a therapist.” This ep likely has lots of extras so I might watch IQ as well. Child abuse trigger btw.

Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) eps 7-8fin - It was a good last 2 eps, and I ended up actually liking the complexity of the messiness more than I thought I would - disaster queer authenticity isn’t usually my thing. (Japan taught me that lesson the hard way). All in all, a stellar a little offering from GMMTV, in the Not Me or ITSAY vein of “I question whether it’s actually BL but like it anyway.” Full review and rating below.

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) ep 12fin - The climax was rather predictably climatic (as it were). I love that Chopper shot his dad. Better aim next time, sweetheart? The cousins making up was sappy. Chopper & Ben were fine. Frankly, I’m not sure about PerthChimon’s chemistry, a bit nervous for their series now. And then Kdrama separation nation strikes again. Yawn. Question: Did the cute girl at Palm’s bar ever get her coconut juice? Full review and rating below.

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 1 of 10 - ForceBook in an office set boss/employee highly camp rom-com. Babe is a bit too slapstick for me, boss is a bit too creepy, and Book is def over egging the pudding. Well meaning chatterbox idiot is not my fav archetype. Bathroom meet cute? Huh. I don’t know. I don’t hate it, I guess?

The Promise (Thai WeTV & YT) ep 1 of 10 - Popped into my YT feed so I gave it a try. Unexpectedly good! Phu & Nan are childhood bffs from middle school through college (almost lovers). Phu disappears just after graduation. After looking/waiting for him for ages, Nan gives up and self isolates, and the actual story takes place 10 years later. The arbitrary slapstick elements are unnecessary, disjoined, and rough. The show should have had the strength of its convictions just to be a serious drama. But it’s way better than expected (it’s about coffee, I love coffee) and no need to have watched the prequel miniseries Phupha | Nanfah. Phu’s granny and cohorts are THE BEST. Also elder queer rep. There better be a GREAT reason why Phu didn’t reach out to Nan or I will be seriously displeased.

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) 3 of 10 - I kind of love Ken’s slightly idiot gay couple friends. (I do love all of the queer family we are getting these days.) They better not betray him! Still, this is one of those shows where, despite his competency, we haven’t really been given a reason to like Ken all that much. I’m not super invested in his grief or his new romance. The captions are BONKERS but the sex scenes are good. I hope LueKen deliver as well as DinKen. Gotta say, despite my grumbling, I did enjoy it more this week.

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - I am not a huge fan of the tsundere seme, especially if they are the older character. But this is a really good cast and for a pulp it’s actually okay acted and captioned. It’s cute. Campy. Old school Thai. I do like a flirty uke who knows what he wants. Lots of very prototypical tropes. Is it good? Well, no, but I’m still gonna watch it.

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - Terrible subs again. They a hot couple but Itt is a revolting character, asshole rather than brat. Day is VERY sexy tho. This one is messy and rough and will likely involve cheating AND the amnesia trope. I might put it onto the binge pile.

Our Winter (Thai & Korea YT & TikTok under ThaiMiniSeries) eps 8-9 of 14 - TutorYim are cute. And nice to have decent music with Thai actors for a change.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

All the Liquors (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) ep 1-2 of 8 - Oh my God, breaking up with a man because he picked the wrong restaurant for a holiday meal is v relatable, but the reaction ”how can you break up with me before we’ve eaten?” is the best thing ever. I may identify with our baby party boy hedonist more than any other BL lead ever presented. I adore how Korea is leaning into “out gay boys” these days. Love love love the gay bestie. This is on the New Employee end of the KBL spectrum, no bad thing. Not sure about the alcoholism angle tho. Still, this is a fun show! I don’t even mind the crash into me trope when combined with baby is a floppy drunk trope.

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) ep 10fin (or 19&20) - Not at all surprised that Vincent (Sam? How many names does this man need?) was pulling a double cross, because from the credits we knew the pairs get along. Couple’s necklaces and a sweet make up sequence for the sides. Nice sex scene and manufactured drama for the mains. Ultra cheese fest ending for all including random H4 couple. Full review and rating below.

Jack o’Frost (Japan GaGa) ep 3 of 6 - The first time sex scene from the past was sweet and well done. That said, a traditional BL romance is not what this story is doing. It’s about 2 people at different points in a romantic journey, one of whom has memories of a failed relationship (and associated baggage) and the other who does not (so is starting at fresh). It’s using high concept to explore this, but that means (this beaning Japan) HEA is on shakey ground. Also, still running a bit low energy for me.

It’s Airing But ...

Blue Sky Complex (Japan ???) 5 eps for VR - Kei Ichikawa's manga is getting a JBL adaptation. Weird distribution though, it started Feb 27 sequentially on 360 Channel (SHOCHIKUch) a VR video distribution service. Will inter-fans ever get to see this, and if it’s filmed for VR will it adapt without being overly dark and fuzzy? I have questions. But as usual, you do you Japan and we will wait (im)patiently to see if you remember the rest of the world exists. This is my preferred kind of live action yaoi, so fingers crossed:

Boyband (Thai) ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us.

Cafe In Love (Thai ???) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff.

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV Thailand) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. Same as above.

Heesu In Class 2 (Korea Thurs unknown, I check Viki Gaga iQIYI) - A gay(er) version of Sex Education. I’m still not sure this one is actually happening.

Finished This Week

My Beautiful Man 2 AKA Utsukushii Kare Season 2

These two have such a great DS dynamic. Only Hira would apologize for fucking and wanting to fuck his own boyfriend, but doing it anyway. Talk about a service top with a humiliation fetish. Sheesh. The masochism is strong with this one. (Since I do not deal with humiliation fetishists well, the cringe factor got to me a little.) Still, pouty jealous Kiyoi is the cutest. [One flaw: The photographer dude should have been played by Kenta. Just a little joke.]

SUMMATION

All in all, this 2nd season didn’t blow me away the way the 1st did. It was quieter and more uniform in its narrative and messaging - thus more predictable. The basic relationship misunderstanding remained the same - all about value and self worth and how that’s assessed. The result is a dialogue between imposter syndrome and a parasocial relationship. If these 2 only had the language and framework of BDSM to understand each other, than they would, but they don’t so the story is us watching them suffer for it. But that’s part of the fun. Part of their fun too, I think, as if the fighting and misunderstanding is just another one of their many kinks. An engaging and solid second installment that was so consistent, I’m going to keep the rating consistent too. 9/10

HIStory 5: Love in the Future

High concept of a man from the past traveling to Covid times and getting involved with a spoiled rich kid soon to be CEO that ultimately made for a dull story. Sides were stellar but intentional miscommunication as a narrative driver never works for me. Good chemistry, nice sex scenes, and a cheesy ending (90% of the time) is Taiwan’s BL brand. I expected nothing less. But there is a little part of me that hoped for something more. 7/10

Never Let Me Go

Bodyguard romance where poor boy must watch over rich boy for family obligation reasons. Simple premise well executed with a few bumps that made it feel like it was trying to tackle too much (when it wasn’t). Still, an enjoyable show that benefited from being handed to PondPhuwin who did a stellar job with their roles and chemistry. Is it going into permanent rewatch rotation? No, but a solid GMMTV offering. 8/10

Moonlight Chicken

I enjoyed this complicated little show, even though it’s spectacularly messy gay with lots of shrapnel and authentic pain. I thought EarthMix turned in their most compelling performance to date. But it was GeminiFourth who stole my heart. That said, the most interesting central relationship was that of Jim & Li Ming, their father-son angst mixed with evident affection made me tear up. This was more slice of life than it was BL, but it ended happily so I’m not mad at it. 8/10

Gossip

Apparently Pavel (my love) has been added to the cast of Pit Babe, a Thai BL series I thought was defunked (it was supposed to be out in Jan). So I’m happy. I also put it back on the 2023 tracking sheet.

Tia51 announced upcoming sampler pack Thai BL My Universe. Normally I don’t report on Thai announcements, as they are pure speculation, but this one is reported to feature 22 actors, 11 couples, 12 stories, and 24 episodes in August 2023. STOP OR YOU’LL GO BLIND. (FB page BLUpdate2020 has a full rundown of the 12 stories.) No MDL listing that I can find. Giving the War or Y peeps a run for their money? Or just epic Thai BL lever pulp-tastic insanity?

New Pinoy BL Stay announced, 6 eps featuring boys who unexpectedly meet in Los Angeles. More here.

In case you missed it

Jeff Satur is leaving BeOnCloud. Honestly, who tf didn’t see this coming? He just dropped a MV with SHAUN (Steal The Show). Jeff is one of the biggest Thai indies and Shaun is legacy Kpop indie. Jeff was and is always more focused on singing and that’s busted a pair before. Frankly speaking, he's ambitious and doesn’t need BeOnCloud. I’m a big believer in breaking from an agency if you have the platform to go it alone. And just because he’d not repped by them doesn’t me he can’t still work with them, sheesh calm down KP fandom. (Honestly this seems to be my mantra since that damn show aired.)

Next Week Looks Like This:

03/08 - Pastsenger (Thai Gaga) 12 eps- Stars Marc (My Gear & Your Gown) and Cooper (My Engineer) both formerly paired with others, in a time travel paranormal that smacks of HIStory 5. Sunshine 90s kid travels to 2022, goes to university, encounters grumpy nerd.

03/09 - Our Dating Sim (Korea unknown) - What happens when two men, friends since schoo, meet again at work to create a dating simulation game together.

03/12 Future (Thai YouTube & Gaga?) 5 eps - Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love - yeah I didn’t know that was based on a novel, either). About, you guessed it, an engineering student and a dentist. Maybe this will be the FOTS we were all hoping for? Fuse (the engineering student) is played by Boom from the En of Love and is kinda the same character (Field). I think we can expect this one to be soft, it’s from the 21 Day Theory people. (maybe March 19 international)

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here.

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

This Week in Subs of Qua?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I liked this scene in Moonlight Chicken so much I did a whole post about it.

Chains of Heart the past relationship. can’t wait to see if they do as well with the present one.

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Peacemaker by P1Harmony (I’m considering stanning this group because their rap line is insane, everyone can dance, Theo is beautiful, and Keeho is an adorable nut job with a great voice. Talk about a boy who should do BL, and probably would without a care in the world. Stop him though, these boys are gonna be the next Monsta X.)

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goldenseresinretriever · 3 months

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You Catch More Bees With Honey: Chapter 12

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Reader

Part of the San Diego Dogfighters universe

Summary: Bradley Bradshaw, blindsided by a team he trusted like family has been traded to the San Diego Dogfighters. Across the country from the place he calls home, Bradley feels lost and betrayed. Not to mention the familiar faces and ghosts from his past that he now has to face every day at work. Bradley’s caught between wanting to show his former team the mistake they made in double-crossing him and wondering if it’s time to hang up his skates after one final season. You’re living your dream as the PR representative for the Dogfighters. When Coach Maverick made a bid to bring his godson to the team, you hadn’t batted an eye. Bradley was a good teammate, and a good player. Unfortunately, the Bradley that shows up in San Diego is nothing like your research suggested. He’s moody, irritable, aggressive, and angry, throwing a wrench in all your careful planning. What’s caused such a drastic change in him? And can you figure out how to help him before he makes a mistake you can’t fix?

Series CW: 18+ ONLY, swearing, dead parents, drunkenness, alcohol consumption, violence, sports violence, blood probably, angst, fluff, eventual smut, age gap (28 and 38), enemies to lovers, suggestive language, hockey inaccuracies etc. There will be individual chapter warnings. No use of Y/N.

Word Count: 5.4k

A/N: This is a repost of my completed series, You Catch More Bees With Honey. It was originally posted in November-March 2023, and was lost when my blog was deleted.

Previous Chapter // Series Masterlist // Next Chapter

Today officially marks eight years. Eight years since your mother’s heart attack. It’s Thanksgiving and everyone’s supposed to be meeting at Mav and Penny’s in a few hours. You squirm in front of the mirror as you consider your reflection. You don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, not anymore. You haven’t in seven years. Mickey has pointed out that no one would blame you for taking a rain check but you knew you can’t for several reasons. You’re already closer with the Dogfighters than you ever had been with any of your previous teams and you knew your absence would be notable. And then there’s the whole issue of Bradley. You have a boyfriend now. The two of you had made things official almost two weeks ago and it’s your first holiday as a couple. Not to mention that Thanksgiving dinner is being held at Mav’s and that will be hard for Bradley, especially given the circumstances that occurred the last time he visited. The morning after you’d spent your first night over at Bradley’s apartment, he’d told you about the disastrous dinner or lack thereof while making the two of you breakfast.

You smile to yourself as you remember sitting on his kitchen island while he moved around the space, sure and confident as he dished up two omelets. Your eyes roamed his muscles as they flexed while he beat the eggs and then again as he flipped the omelets in the pan in a way you’ve never been able to figure out. Every time you try to make an omelet you try to flip it too early and end up settling for what quickly becomes loaded scrambled eggs. Since that night, neither of you has discussed your brazen decision to spend the night, not to mention that Bradley had come home to find you asleep in his bed. All you know is that you woke up in arms and it was enough of a confirmation that he wanted you there as badly as you wanted to be there. Admittedly there hasn’t been much time to talk things through. The boys have been busy with games leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday. Thankfully, due to the NFL having a monopoly on Thanksgiving Day game coverage, the boys have the day off. You secretly wish they didn’t so you could let work consume your thoughts instead of having to sit with them but you know the boys have been looking forward to the day off, even if they have to get right back to it tomorrow.

You scrutinize your reflection again and once again you’re unable to see anyone but your mother staring back at you and you feel your fingers begin to tremble as you reach up to tug on the ends of your hair in frustration. Tears blur your eyes and offer so some reprieve from the image in front of you and then you’re moving before you can stop yourself.

***

Twenty minutes later you’re sending a panicked text to Mickey begging him to come over and then you’re sitting with your head in your hands in the toilet when he lets himself in with his emergency key.

“Dios mio,” he gasps as he takes in the sight of you.

“Is it that bad?” You whine, unable to look at him. He crosses the barroom and gently reaches out to run a finger over your much shorter hair. What used to tumble over your shoulders is now not much longer than your chin.

“It could be worse.” He says tentatively. “You could have shaved your head.”

“Mickey!” You snap, eyes wide with fear as he regards the damage you’ve wreaked. “Can you fix it?” You hate how weak your voice sounds as you gaze up at him with damp, red-rimmed eyes. He nods and you feel the tension run out of your shoulders as they slump in relief.

Mickey sets you up in a dining chair in front of your bathroom mirror and you get a good look at the damage you’ve done. Your hair is a lot shorter but at least you don’t look like your mother as much anymore. Mickey examines the kit you’d left on the counter. It was a gift from his mother a few years ago when you went home with Mickey during the holidays and got to meet her. Mama Garcia is a hairdresser and a damn good one. Mickey’s picked up a thing or two over the years and actually cuts not only his own hair but also yours. Mickey picks up the scissors that you had discarded and straightens your head before he gets to work. You watch as he straightens out the bottom as well as adding the layers he knows you like when he cuts your hair on the regular.

When he’s done the two of you take a moment to stare at your reflection. He squeezes your shoulders gently. “Hop in the shower, I’ll hang out in the living room.” You run your fingers through the shorter strands as you examine your reflection for the thousandth time in the metal handle of the shower knobs. It feels strange and foreign to feel your fingers slip free of the wet strands almost as soon as you slide them in. It’s different but you feel lighter both physically and emotionally. You’d always insisted on wearing your hair exactly like your mom growing up, desperate to be just like her, but now you’ve never felt freer, finally diverged from the burden of subtly trying to be her, to live up to her legacy. You continue examining your reflection as you dry your hair and get ready to head to Mav’s. Briefly, you wonder what Bradley will think about your new look but deep down you know it’s not for him and what he thinks about it, if he does think anything of it, isn’t important.

When you come out of the bathroom, Mickey fusses over you, expressing over and over how much he likes your new haircut and how much it suits you. Time will tell whether you come to the same conclusion.

***

As the two of you drive to Mav’s place in Mickey’s Jeep Mickey keeps glancing your way like he’s about to say something and break the comfortable silence in the car but thinks better of it. After about the fifth time, it’s officially grating on your nerves and you turn to him, a scowl forming on your lips. “Mickey Garcia if you don’t just spit out whatever you’re thinking, we’re taking a detour to the beach and I’m going to waterboard it out of you.”

He gives you a guilty look before he swallows, choosing his words carefully. “So, are you and Bradshaw still…?” he trails off awkwardly and you roll your eyes. You’d been expecting this conversation for some time. You’d told Mickey about your relationship with Bradley not long after getting back from DC and he’d taken the news calmly which was completely different from the way he normally reacted to updates in both your life in general and in your dating life.

“Dating? Yes, Mickey, I’m still dating my BOYFRIEND.” You emphasize the word boyfriend, giving him a pointed look even as giddy butterflies erupt in your stomach at the way it tastes on your tongue. You haven’t had a BOYFRIEND in years. You’d expected Mickey to be ecstatic but you don’t blame him for being wary of Bradley especially given everything that’s transpired between the two of you in the last few weeks. “Look, I know you have a lot of reasons to hate him, but I promise, that’s not the real him.” Mickey hums quietly in assent before he answers.

“I know, and believe me, I believe you when you say that because I trust you but I just- Zam he’s kind of… old… don’t you think?” You watch him wince at his own awkwardness as you blink in surprise. You hadn’t considered it before, but he’s right. Bradley’s 38, which makes him a solid ten years older than you.

“Oh,” you murmur at the realization. “I guess so. I’ve never actually thought about it before.” Mickey’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

“Never?” You shake your head, turning this new information over and over in your mind.

“You know? It’s only been two weeks and yet? I feel like I’ve healed more in that time than I have in the last eight years.” You swallow hard. It’s always hard for you to talk about your mother’s death, especially today. “I just- It feels like… Mickey, he’s the first person who hasn’t tried to fix me.” Your heart aches painfully at the thought. “Bradley’s never once looked at me like I’m broken because of what happened to my mom. And maybe it’s because he’s lost both his parents.” Your voice catches at the end of the sentence as a wave of grief washes over you at the thought of Bradley, all alone in the world for so many years. “But it’s like he knows that I don’t need to change. That there’s no way that I’m ever going to be the person I was before and that’s okay. You just learn to live with the hurt. He doesn’t need me to change, or be the person I used to be.” You sigh. “And he’s letting me take things as slow as I want to. Honestly, his age is the last thing I considered.”

Mickey nods, considering your words. “Okay I just, I can’t help but worry that he’s taking advantage of you. You know I already don’t trust hockey players, and the older ones usually have track records, and I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” You smile absently at that. Mickey’s always been wary of you messing around with hockey players. It was his biggest qualm in college once you started hanging out with him and the other guys on his team. Thankfully, you’d mostly steered clear of the horny athletes though you couldn’t help but dabble lightly as you got older. It was just a hazard of the job. Most weeks of the year you’re jetting around from city to city, in a different one every few nights. It’s a lonely lifestyle and sometimes loneliness drives you into the bed you least expect. You and Bradley seem to fit that description but there’s so much more there. Bradley knows you more than anyone has in a long time.

“Don’t worry. Bradley would never hurt me.” You echo his promise to you on the first night you really saw him, the real him, and suddenly you’re eager to get to Mav’s so you can see him again.

***

So far you and Bradley have been keeping things quiet in terms of your relationship. It’s not that you’re embarrassed to be with him, you just don’t feel like it’s fair to scream from the rooftops that you love him before you even tell him yourself. You’re pretty sure you do and it sends another wave of butterflies fluttering in your stomach. So far the only two people you’ve told are Javy and Mickey, though given Mickey’s need to process emotions out loud, you’re sure Bob probably knows too. You’ve signed official paperwork and anyone who viewed your files would be able to find out about your relationship, but for now, you’re enjoying the peacefulness of relative anonymity amongst the hustle and bustle of your work life. You feel bad that you haven’t told the girls or Jake yet, but part of you knows you’re dreading the inevitable variants of the conversation you just had with Mickey in the car. You don’t feel like having to defend Bradley to your friends. It’s not that you won’t, because of course you will. You’re just already stretched thin between work, your budding relationship, and your own complicated emotions relating to your mother, and you’re not sure you have the energy to manage your friends’ concerns with the grace they're afforded.

When Mickey pulls into Maverick’s frankly gigantic driveway you can’t help but gawk at the house. Bradley had told you it was extravagantly large for the fact that only two people lived there but even your imagination couldn’t have prepared you for the sight. You do your best to keep your expression neutral and your eyes inside your skull as the two of you make your way up the porch. You can hear voices and music coming from inside and feel your body tense at the reminder of what you’ve signed up for today. Mickey is carrying a casserole dish of something that smells amazing. You’re empty handed but Mickey had assured you that it would be fine. You have enough going on emotionally today as it is. Everyone will just be glad to have you there, he reassured you.

“You okay?” Leave it to your best friend to notice the tension in your body.

You nod, weakly. “Yeah, just mentally preparing myself.”

“Hey,” his voice is soft, and gentle, as he shifts the casserole dish to one hand and reaches the other out to squeeze your arm. “If it’s ever too much, you come and find me, and you can take my car and get out of here, I’ll just catch a ride home with Bob.” Your shoulders slump with relief. Leave it to Mickey to have a contingency plan in place for you. He’d insisted on driving so that you couldn’t get out of it, but he’s also made sure you have a way to get home.

“Thank you,” there’s so much more you want to say but you don’t know how to put it into words so you just give Mickey a lopsided smile that he returns before reaching to swing the door open.

The smell hits you first. It’s so distinctively Thanksgiving that it almost sends you to your knees. You can smell the feast that Penny has undoubtedly been whipping up as you cross the threshold. Guys from the team linger everywhere in sight. There are a host of unfamiliar faces as well that you assume must be their families and partners. You follow Mickey through the crowded foyer and down a hallway towards the kitchen. Your eyes catch on the photographs framed on the wall. They all contain Penny, Maverick, and a young girl who fluctuates in age between the photos that you’re sure must be Penny’s daughter. The hallway opens into a wide open-concept kitchen and living room. A whole host of guys are crammed on or draped over the back of the sofa, watching the football game that’s displayed on the huge TV. You spot Bradley and Jake a few feet behind the couch, chatting and occasionally glancing at the screen. A glance out the large windows reveals Bob, Bugs, Nat, and Dragon outside playing with a host of kids. Mickey greets Penny as he hands her the casserole dish. He gives your shoulder a squeeze as he heads out to join Bob and co. You give her a chagrined look as she smiles at you.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Zam, I'm glad you could make it.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Penny, thanks for having me. Sorry, I didn’t bring anything… I’m not really much of a cook.” Not a lie by any stretch, but also not the whole truth. She just smiles and waves you off.

“Don't worry, we’ve got plenty.” She gestures to the rest of the kitchen and you see that almost every available inch of counter is covered with foil trays full of food. You chuckle awkwardly before excusing yourself.

Your eyes find Bradley again and his gaze shifts from Jake to you. You watch the corners of his lips lift in a smile even as his eyes widen slightly at the sight of your new haircut. You smile shyly back at him. Bradley excuses himself from Jake who waves him off, turning to the TV as Bradley makes his way towards you. You’re shuffling on your feet, suddenly anxious about Bradley’s reaction to your hair but all your worries melt as Bradley reaches you and pulls you into his arms without a second thought. You’re surprised by the ease with which he crosses that line but you settle against his chest with a contented sigh.

“Hi Bear,” you greet him quietly and he squeezes you gently.

“Hey Honey, I like your hair.” He twists a strand in between his fingers.

“Really?” You can’t help the nerves that plague your vice as you question him. He nods against you, squeezing you again before pulling away to get a good look at you. He reaches out a hand to brush the shorter strands away from your face as he takes in your features like he’s committing them to memory.

“It suits you.” He decides and you can’t help the way you preen under his praise. His eyes soften at your reaction. “You always look beautiful, Honey.” He assures you and your cheeks heat in response. You’re overwhelmed by his attention and as the boys on the couch shout in celebration of a touchdown, you push up on your toes and press a sweet kiss to Bradley’s lips, smiling against his mouth. His hands come up to grip your waist gently as he returns the kiss. When you break, he leans his forehead against yours, bumping your nose with his gently. “What was that for?” He asks and you giggle, bumping his nose back.

“Just wishing you a happy Thanksgiving,” you say with a teasing smile and he pulls away before tugging you to him again and you sigh, content to be in his arms when you spot Dare standing in the entrance to the hallway, a bemused smile on her lips and a faraway look in her eyes. You start to pull away from Bradley and he turns to follow your gaze, holding you tighter when he sees Dare.

“Hey Aunt Dare, happy Thanksgiving.” You can hear the grin in his voice and you feel your heart squeeze at the boyish tone.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Bradley, and you too Zam. Don’t stop on my account, I’m old, not a nun.” She flashes a teasing but fond smile at the two of you. You feel your cheeks heat with embarrassment as Bradley presses a kiss to the crown of your head from behind. “And Zam, I’d love to have you over for dinner with Bradley one day.” You smile at that, nodding as best as you can from your position in Bradley’s arms.

“I’d love that too.” You agree and Bradley gives you a squeeze.

“Great, you and Bradley find a day when you’re both free and he can let me know.” She heads into the kitchen with a smile and you detangle yourself from Bradley’s arms, not missing the way he pouts slightly at you.

“We do have to talk to other people, Bear.” You remind him and he grumbles before relenting.

“I’m going to the kitchen to get a drink, can I get you anything?” You shake your head and he heads after Dare into the kitchen.

You’re making your way over to the back door to go see what Mickey and Bob are up to outside with the idea when Javy intercepts you on his way back from refilling his plate of appetizers in the kitchen.

“Sweetheart! There you are! He wraps his free arm around your waist and you roll your eyes.

“Hey Javy, so what did you bring?” You raise an eyebrow while you snag a bacon-wrapped shrimp off his plate and pop it into your mouth with a satisfying crunch. He snorts, bumping your hip with his.

“Very funny. Bold of you to assume I can cook.”

“What a waste of a New Orleans upbringing.” You chide and he laughs at that.

“Funnily enough, that’s exactly what my mother says.” He pulls the shrimp tail from your lips and places it back on the plate. “So, how’s it going with Bradshaw?” He waggles his eyebrows at you and you roll your eyes.

“My boyfriend? Oh, it’s great.” You grin, loving the way the word sounds on your lips.

“Damn, Sweetheart, so the turkey isn’t the only thing getting stuffed this Thanksgiving?” You gag at the joke in disgust.

“Javy Machado, you are DISGUSTING!”

He just laughs before bumping his shoulder with yours. “Where’s your food, Sweetheart?”

“Right here,” you point out, picking some assorted cracker smeared with a jam of some kind off of Javy’s plate and grinning around it as you toss it into your mouth. He glares at you, holding his plate away from your reach.

“Begone, woman, get your own food!” He wiggles away from your grabbing hands and you laugh as he dashes back towards the crowded couch. Shaking your head, you slip out the door to the back deck.

Standing there, looking out at where your friends are playing with a small crowd of kids is Josie Fitch. You haven’t had a chance to get to know her very well but Mickey’s been singing her praises since he first moved to New Jersey and met her and Reuben. She turns and smiles as you come out and join her by the railing. “Zam, we haven’t really gotten a chance to meet properly, but I’ve heard so much about you from Mickey.” You smile back.

“Same here, he sings your praises any chance that he’s able.” She laughs at that and rolls her eyes.

“Well, that’s definitely Mickey. He’s a good kid.”

“That he most definitely, is.” You smile absently. “How’re you adjusting to living in San Diego?” She shrugs.

“I’ve been moving with Reuben for years. It’s almost second nature at this point. Sure, it’s harder now that the kids are a part of the equation, but we get by pretty well. Thankfully we’ve been able to stay places longer since having them, but they seem to like their new school and they're already making friends so that’s good. They’re good at adjusting, but I suppose you have to be when your dad spends half the year jetting around the country for work.”

You nod. The life of a hockey player is exhausting, but nothing compares to the exhaustion of being a hockey wife, especially when kids are involved. You’ve known plenty of moms that made it look effortless as well as ones that were barely holding on. Josie seems to fall on the effortless side of the spectrum. A small part of your mind wonders which kind you’ll be and you catch yourself imagining a future as not just Bradley’s girlfriend, but his wife, and the mother of his children. You would be a hockey wife. You feel your cheeks heat at the thought even as you chide yourself for being so hasty. You and Bradley have barely been dating for two weeks. It’s way too early to entertain such delusions.

“How are you enjoying your new job? Mickey said you’re a teacher?” You ask and she brightens.

“I love it. Acacia Academy is a great place. I actually wanted to bring one of my coworkers here tonight.” She frowns slightly. “She doesn’t have a lot of friends and doesn’t get out much so I’ve been trying to include her in things but I’m not sure she would have survived this many people.”

“Is she a teacher too?” You ask and she nods, lost in her thoughts.

“She teaches kindergarten, she’s actually Skylar’s teacher. She’s sweet but she doesn’t do well with crowds, especially when they’re strangers. She’s an anxious little thing. I feel so terrible, I can’t imagine how lonely it must be for her.”

“Maybe we can do something smaller soon, and you can bring her then?” You suggest and she gives you a rueful smile.

“Hopefully,” the two of you linger on the deck a bit longer before you go to join the rest of your friends.

***

About an hour later, Penny has wrangled everyone into the gigantic dining room that’s been arranged to try and fit everyone. You’re carrying a full plate of food from the kitchen that's been set up as a buffet-style experience, looking for a seat. You’re among the first to arrive so you and Mickey manage to find a row of three empty seats. You’re unofficially saving the seat on your other side for Bradley and you catch his eye as he enters the dining room with a couple of the other guys. He gets your drift and heads towards the seat when someone pulls out the chair. You turn to tell them that the seat is claimed but the words die on your tongue when you see who it is. Cyclone gives you a good-natured smile as he sits down next to you.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Zam. Good to see you.” You force a polite smile before looking back at Bradley to see him scowling at Cyclone as he takes the seat across from you. You flash him an apologetic smile, nudging his foot with yours under the table.

Bradley’s patience with Cyclone is wearing thin. He’s been inviting you out frequently over the last two weeks. From dinners like the lunch you’d shared in the hotel in DC, to an art gallery exhibition hosted by one of his friends, he just seemed to want to spend time with you. Hell, earlier this week you’d sat courtside with him at a Laker’s game. Beau told you all about your mother in college, sharing both stories you’d heard from her as well as new ones you’d never heard before. Now and then he’d share stories from his childhood and while there weren’t any obvious ulterior motives, you were, quite frankly, weirded out by all the attention he was showing you. You weren’t uncomfortable per se but you weren’t comfortable either. Of course, since you’re now having to split your already-limited free time between Bradley and Beau, Bradley’s irritable at best when you have to turn him down for yet another outing with Beau.

Add onto that that Beau is the last person you want to talk to today of all days. You’re feeling your nerves start to fray and you find yourself dreaming wistfully of Mickey’s keys. For better or worse, another problem decides to seat itself across from Beau, next to Bradley. You watch his shoulders stiffen as Maverick takes the seat, beaming at you. “Zam! So glad you could make it today!” He greets you cheerfully, none the wiser that he’s sent Bradley into turmoil. You develop a sudden interest in your food as you greet Maverick in return. He beams at the small group seated at this part of the table as Dare appears and takes the seat on the other side of Bradley and you’re struck by the fact that this could have been Bradley’s life in another world. Seated between his godparents, it’s a broken family that makes your heart ache for him. You’re glad he has Dare at least. And now he has you too, you remind yourself and you nudge his foot again and watch his eyes soften a bit, his shoulders dropping a little.

“So, what kind of Thanksgiving traditions do you all have with your families?” Maverick asks as he butters a roll. You stiffen slightly and Mickey reaches for your hand under the table, squeezing gently as you feel yourself shuttering. Mickey picks up the conversation easily, regaling the group with stories of his family Thanksgivings back in Chicago as you struggle to drag yourself back down to earth before you can drift too far. “What about you, Zam? Do you usually have Thanksgiving with your family?” Your breath is stuck in your throat and Mickey’s hand gripping yours tightly is the only thing tethering you.

You swallow, trying to clear your throat as you formulate a response. “We don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving.” You answer, forcing a tiny smile. Anymore. You don’t celebrate it anymore. When your mom was alive, she loved Thanksgiving. She loved to cook but not nearly as much as she loved to eat. She loved that Thanksgiving was a holiday that brought people together and your house was usually full to bursting with friends and family. She’d be blasting Christmas music while everyone crowded into the kitchen on Thanksgiving morning to cook up a feast for a late lunch. Once upon a time, it was a favorite for you too because of how excited it made her.

“Really? Katarina loved Thanksgiving.” Cyclone remarks and you consider pushing him out of his chair. Mickey’s hand clenches tighter around yours.

“Yeah, yeah she did.” You mutter, awkwardly and suddenly it feels like every eye is on you. You try your best not to squirm under their gazes as you search for the words.

“I went to Thanksgiving at her house once,” Cyclone continues. “It was such a grand affair. It feels weird that she wouldn’t have continued that tradition.” You can’t stop the words that fall out of your mouth after that.

“She did. We just kind of stopped celebrating Thanksgiving when she dropped dead on it.” You could have heard a pin drop at that section of the table. You drop your gaze to your half-empty plate as you feel your eyes rapidly filling with tears. You push to your feet abruptly, stumbling over your chair in your haste. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I need some air.”

You push past people still trailing in from the kitchen and all but sprint to the back door. You burst out into the cool November air that kisses your cheeks as the tears spill free. You let out a loud, ragged sob as you crumple. Strong arms wrap around you before you can hit the ground and you bury your face in Bradley’s chest as you fall into pieces. Your sobs are ugly, your chest heaving with exertion as the emotions of the day catch up to you and crash like a tidal wave, threatening to pull you under. You cling to Bradley like he’s your lifeline, the only thing keeping you from drowning in your grief. He doesn’t say anything, he just holds you as you fall apart. You can hear the beating of his heart under your ear and you focus on it, trying to calm yourself but nothing can console you right now. Bradley doesn’t seem to mind as he rubs uniform circles into your back.

***

You’re not sure how long it takes until you’ve cried yourself out but you feel raw and numb as you finally settle. “Bradley?” You don’t recognize your voice as you croak.

“Yes, Honey?” You can hear the poorly concealed concern in his voice as he squeezes you gently.

“Can we go home?” Right now you don’t care that you’ve just referred to his apartment as home and he doesn’t point it out as he nods. He shifts his hands lower, gently cupping your thighs.

“Come on, Honey, let’s go home.” You let him pull you into his arms, wrapping your arms around his waist like a monkey as you cling to his strong neck. Your eyes are closed, face buried in his neck, smothering yourself in his scent that instantly soothes you but you don’t hear any doors open, just a creak that must be some kind of gate that leads to the front yard. You hear the familiar chirp of the Bronco as Bradley unlocks it. He deposits you in the passenger seat and if he notices that it takes you a moment longer than usual to let go of him, he doesn’t comment on it. Once you’re both buckled, Bradley reaches out a hand to tangle your finger, knowing you need the grounding touch. He turns on the radio, a silent reassuring that you don’t need to talk yet. That he’ll be there when you’re ready. The familiar notes of one of your mom’s favorite songs grace your ears and you feel your lips involuntarily lifting in a soft smile at the sound as Bradley sings along softly with The Beatles. “Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better.” You feel silent tears track down your cheeks as you let your eyes fall shut and you see your mom dancing around the kitchen, singing into a spatula while Bradley croons in the background. She would have loved him. The way you do.

#san diego dogfighters au #San Diego dogfighters #San Diego dogfighters hockey au #you catch more bees with honey // goldenseresinretriever #ycmbwh // goldenseresinretriever #bradley rooster bradshaw x you #bradley bradshaw x you #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw #rooster x you #rooster x reader #top gun maverick hockey au #top gun maverick #top gun #TGM #no use of y/n

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m7z · 9 months

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In memoriam

I spent the last 30 minutes or so skimming through my Tumblr archive from 2011-2012 trying to find a post I know I wrote about my paternal grandparents’ love story, but I couldn’t find it. I probably moved it to another blog at some point and deleted it here. Along the way though I found all these other memories from my early 20s, such as my coming out/confession letter to a best friend from high school, many reblogs of sappy quotes/graphics/book snippets/lyrics, reblogs of photos of places I wanted to visit (many of which I’ve now been to), songs I liked, tech news from the era (like the death of Steve Jobs), political news from the era (like marriage equality, and Barack Obama’s reelection), many reblogs about Glee, my own photos from my early days of living in San Francisco (and interning at Twitter)… All of which is to say, it captured this whole era of my life from ~10 years ago that, in retrospect, was quite pivotal.

The reason I went looking for that post is because I found out yesterday that my grandpa passed away. My dad texted me and tried to call when I was in the middle of a work meeting. I registered the text but didn’t respond, and then called back after. It was the middle of the night in China at the time (around 2am), and he learned the news earlier when my aunt had called him, and she’d been notified by the staff at the seniors home where my grandpa had been living.

As I processed the news and decided on my plans, I told people the context that he had suffered a series of strokes and had been on the decline since last summer, so this news didn’t come as a shock. This is in contrast to my paternal grandma’s passing in January 2022 (also January) from a heart attack which was sudden, quick, and utterly shocking. As the matriarch of our family, her death had hit everyone really hard then.

At his passing, my grandpa was in his late 80s, possibly 87 or 88. Which is objectively quite a remarkable achievement for someone born into the chaos of 1930s war torn China to a poor rural/farming family. He joined the communist army as an accountant/admin, and then the local police after the war, and then worked at the state hemp/cotton company until retirement. He and my grandma met in their 20s, fell in love and got married despite oppositions (this is the story I had posted about that I was looking for), had 2 kids and 2 grandkids (one of which is me), traveled, had health issues and took care of each other, and grew old together.

I realized yesterday that I wasn’t reacting as emotionally as I did to my grandma’s passing — one because he’d been on the decline, and my dad/aunt thought he almost wasn’t going to make it after his last severe stroke in July. I think I had emotionally prepared for this back then, and so expected this to happen at some point. The other reason is that his quality of life in this last year, after these strokes, had become quite poor. He couldn’t eat or talk or walk, and had become reduced to almost just skin and bones. It had become painful to see him in this state, and I’m glad he’s not suffering anymore.

However, at the same time I still feel sad and regretful because I was hoping to see him at least one more time. Even though he hasn’t been able to speak since July, and he didn’t really recognize anyone anymore… even so, I was hoping he'd hang on until I visited again.

When my grandma passed in 2022, the pandemic, travel restrictions, and lack of flight options had made it virtually impossible to travel back. The last time I visited China was October 2019. Since then, in the last few years when we called, they’d almost always ask when I can go back again. My grandpa did this all the way up until his last stroke in July when he couldn’t speak anymore. When the pandemic largely ended in 2022, I’d always say “soon”, even knowing it was impractical with the Chinese government's onerous visa policies. When they finally reinstated the pre-pandemic visitor visa policies in March 2023, I started to say that I'll go back during the summer, then the fall, then the winter, then the spring. One reason is that the flight options were both expensive and inconvenient, but the larger reason is that I prioritized other plans in my life. I'm not sure where I could've squeezed it in, but I do regret that I didn’t try harder to visit sooner.

Circling back on the whole “eras of my life” thread — I always felt like as long as my grandparents were around, I still feel like a kid in some way. They treated me like one, still babied me whenever I visited or called, and would remind me of funny anecdotes from my childhood. I know I’m pretty lucky to have gotten 30+ years with almost all 4 grandparents in my life. I also know I’m lucky that they loved me as much as they did — because not all of my friends had the kind of close relationships I did/do with their grandparents.

Growing up, I was always pretty close to my grandparents, more so to my grandma who I genuinely enjoyed talking to and would call regularly, but I have many fond memories with my grandpa too.

I recall when my family first immigrated to Canada, I would cry about missing them. Later when I went back to visit as a teenager, I would cry on the flight back to Canada.

My grandpa liked to write simple rhyming poems after he retired, liked to drink and smoke and only quit in his 60s, and liked to sing Chinese opera. One year for my birthday, he wrote a “hidden message” poem where the first word of each verse added together would say “happy birthday <my Chinese name>”.

One really special memory of him I have is when I was in kindergarten, and during afternoon nap time (which I hated) he showed up unexpectedly and took me out of school. We didn’t live in the same city but he was in my city for a work trip, and he’d decided to take me out of kindergarten early that day so we could spend time together. I remember it feeling so unexpectedly awesome — one because I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to (skip school) but also because of the surprise visit itself.

The only time I felt emotional yesterday was when my mom told me how, even though I won’t be able to attend the funeral, I could pay my respects at both of my grandparents’ gravesites when I visit. The thought made me emotional because… they can finally be reunited again, or at least not be separated by death.

Didn’t really know what I was going to write when I started this, and the words kept pouring out, but I’m glad I did.

#my stuff #family #reflection #a real blog post

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myobsessionsspace · 8 months

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Looking at jikook's behaviour especially from the last 2-3 years, it's apparent that they are pretty inseparable. From spending a lot of time with each other during pandemic to ptd times and then flash forward - enlisting together.

Even when Jimin was busy for his album, it was very apparent that jungkook missed him, inviting him multiple times too.

Even though people think they didn't meet up in 2023, it soon became obvious that they did, because they can't just 'not be close ' and suddenly enlist together.

Whatever they are to each other, I'm seeing a pattern of a (almost extreme) dependency. Which makes me think that we might be seeing this behaviour from them even in future, after MS.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't claim them to be dating each other. Because who really knows? But this absolute dependency they have on each other makes me think how would they navigate if they ever have an official public relationship with different partners.

Now hypothetically, can you imagine Jungkook in the same room ( let's say a couch) with a gf and Jimin? We know his whole attention and physical body language changes around Jimin. How would a gf feel with a boyfriend who's more attentive to his guy friend than to her?

( I'm assuming gf because it's hard to come out with a same gender partner in S Korea)

Hello lovely!

Thank you for the ask, I’m gonna answer it in two parts, one about their ‘codependency’ and two about a hypothetical girlfriend being added to their dynamic.😉

Jikook Close Enough Orr Too Close?

Yes they’re close, the closest, the I am you, you are me duo. It’s insane those that believe them to be their favourites still deny this, from early days until now. They work together and play together

I’m so grateful they have each other to push each other, like when they stay after to practice together or like when one give the other vocal help.

I’m also happy that they *like* each other, they like cooking together, watching movies together, going to concerts, ice skating, restaurants and escape rooms together.

Like the rest of us we saw times in chapter two when one really missed the other, when one was worried about the other over working themselves, when one wanted to eat chicken, go live or box together.

BUT they have also done well with all the constraints of idol life and being in THE biggest global group with their hectic and publicised life to have cultivated a life outside of the group and of each other (well not completely).

Jikook have their own interests, hobbies, homes, family and friends. We’ve been able to spot Jimin travel the world with friends, go to shows with friends, relax at home alone etc.

Jungkook, I find due to his introversion, has always been more of the homebody out of the two (I can always give example of his well documented introversion if asked 😉) however he’s actually come a long way in recent years. More than just staying in and gaming all of his free time away, in addition to with Jimin, he also has been spending more quality time with his friends, spending time on his hobbies, going on meat tours etc.

The two are able to not be around each other 24/7 and still have full lives, Jungkook is still deep down an introvert and if not out with a select few close friends would rather enjoy himself at home, one of the bonuses of that for us is that he can feel no issue with being on live whilst enjoying being with himself at home, over a decade of sharing his life on the camera with ARMY has allowed us that window.

Jikook like each other and like spending time with each other but they also show maturity in making sure they invest time into themselves, into their other friends, sometimes these friends even overlap, because who says they have to keep each other separate from other aspects of their lives?

They compliment each other and are doing a good job of it. If we do see them as together, they work together AND see each other and after all these years still like each other?! They’ve got a balance that seems to work for them. They’re able to still dedicate time to the other members, even when it seems like they’re constantly in a Jikook bubble.

Yes we may get more Jikook jikooking, but with the added public understanding that they went through 18 months of life changing, unforgettable, intense comrade bonding.

But I’m not worried about them after their service, the days of 'unhinged, bold and reckless' fetus jikook are mostly gone, they know when to push the envelope and when not to. They’re not new to this, they’re true to this 💪

Jimin & Jungkook plus a ‘She’

With this, I think of it as if either Jimin or Jungkook had a girlfriend, cos why just Jungkook with Jimin being the third wheel, hmmm👀? Jiminie has given us a lot of queer coding, he’s been literally painted the bisexual flag.

Bi-erasure is real y'all 😪

Jimin could also be the one in this hypothetical scenario, as much or maybe even more than Jungkook, when it comes to a girlfriend in the mix.

Before getting to the woman, It actually would say more to how f*ck*d up Jikook themselves would be as her boyfriend, getting involved with a woman and bringing them around the other to act like that around her. Those aren’t the type of men I could be fans of ☹️

It would actually say more about them as people to add an unsuspecting woman into the mix of a bond that allows for many questions as to the nature of it. Why would either one of them even do that to even have this scenario occur?? We know they aren’t heartless a**holes but even this fake scenario makes me upset for the third party 😭

On the hypothetical girlfriend side…to be honest it is possible with the dynamic that Jikook have, for a girlfriend to join them and them still have their bond continue with some adjustments.

It would have to be a special sort of woman, confident in herself, in her differences to either of them. She wouldn’t be a carbon copy of Jimin or Jungkook, she would have to be someone who has qualities not found in Jimin or Jungkook, but compliment them either way. She would have to be someone that would also platonically fall in love with the best friend of her boyfriend. She would have to be someone firm to set boundaries with skinship etc but not controlling to allow their friendship to continue to thrive. She would have to be a welcome addition to their friendship time, but also be confident enough to leave them to have their own time, someone the boyfriend would crave individual time with her also.

It’s more the type of character of the woman that would determine how she’d feel. If she was dating either, she would be confident enough to know that her man isn’t romantically involved with the other. She would be dating him and learning him and understanding his dynamics with his friends, family, co-workers etc.

If she was putting the time in when dating to learn her boyfriend m, it would work, if she was a self assured woman, it would work. If she believed her man not to be gay or not to be romantically interested in the other member then she’d last.

She wouldn’t even make it to the label stage to be calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend if she couldn’t handle Jimin/Jungkook in her boyfriend’s life. if she couldn’t handle Jikook jikooking, minus skinship, the relationship would be over the first time seeing Jikook together.

It’s possible but it’s a special type of woman. This is all hypothetical and dependent on Jikook only having been nothing more than best friends, the closet duo and platonic soulmates.

If we were trying to insert a girlfriend in the mix for any other scenario then…I dunno love 🥴

Thank you for your ask and thanks to any readers, likes and comments.

💜

#Jikook #Anonymous Asks

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lineli225 · 10 months

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MHA IS / NOT / ENDING IN 2024

Ok so, MHA is definitely having at least more 50 chapters at the very minimum.

MHA is weekly, and 2024 will have only 52 weeks, so that plus breaks, if it has 50 chapters, knowing Hori takes at least a break a month, it'd need around 65 or 70 weeks to be completed.

So it can't end in 2024, maybe MHA will end around February or March 2025... Perhaps even June!

But why I think so?

The final war arc started on chapter 343, so the current arc has 66 chapters.

This final arc is the longest arc in the series, as Hori's arcs got progressively longer each new arc, the longest arcs being 24, 41 and 54, from the first big arc, it basically doubled in size, it can double again.

But i think of the traitor arc as part of the final war, starting with the Sns chapter, which is chapter 329

So to me the final arc has 80 chapters so far to put it simple.

Also Hori wouldn't just cut the end dry, I can easily see a last, short, epilogue arc showing what happened after and all the changes in society and everything.

MHA won't end in more 15 chapters, we still haven't seen: Aizawa/Mic/Kurogiri, Sero's role, the tie up to Toga and Ochako, Hawks being the light of hope, Spinner's demise, seeing what talk Compress had with the heroes, Hisashi finally appearing(hori did promise it!), Hori did mention Class 2-A briefly showing up, tie the quirk singularity theory plot, AFO finally inserting his quirk factor on Tomura, AND finally, Tomura vs Izuku.

Tomura vs Izuku is probably not being quick, giving they are the main characters, and the grand finale, the greatest mess and also what needs more focus, In these 60+ chapters of this arc so far, izuku barely showed up, you can't have a 80 chapters only arc and your MAIN CHARACTER show up just 5 or so!!!

Considering Hori made almost 50 chapters of ONLY people fighting AFO and other stuff, I'm confident we will have at MINIMUM some 15 chapters of ONLY Shigaraki vs Izuku, he is saving these two for last, so I'm confident it won't be that fast AT ALL!

Honestly, I won't be surprised if MHA have more 70 chapters left, I can easily see this arc being over 150 chapters, like, come on, Hori didn't take his sweet sweet time only to half ass rush the most important part! Hori won't rush now that he toke so much care to build up the climax

Honestly i personally think MHA might even reach 460/480 chapters total, I wont be surprised if we reach 500 chapters either! (Each volume have 12 chapters, so MHA ending with a total of 47 or 48 volumes. )

Like- there is way TOO MUCH to be seen! The final arc is only on the half way but already been 80 chapters so far! And we haven't even got to the main fight!!!

Anyways, mark my words

MHA is ending in middle 2025.

Update/Edit: Just realized MHA will have only 33 chapters released this year and only 2 volumes

First chapter of 2023 was 377- the chain thus far

33 chapters of only fighting AFO, togachako and tododabi

Even If MHA have only more 15 chaps it'll still take half a whole year 😭 MHA IS SO NOT ENDING TILL 2025

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wikiangela · 10 months

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✨ 2023 writing round-up ✨

tagged by @exhuastedpigeon <3

I posted 22 fics this year (including the multi-chapter fic I started last december) and 21 of those were 911, and 20 were buddie lol the very first fic was the ending of my sambucky era (or a pause, I might go back who knows) and then buddie fully took over

idk what it was about this year, bc I've been writing buddie since march 2021, but now it's like the only thing I write haha

putting all the fics i've written this year under the cut bc it got loooong haha - clearly, march this year was big for me, so many fics haha

January

June 14th, 2025 (I've been waiting for you my whole life) Sambucky, T, 3.5k

A year after getting engaged, Sam and Bucky get married. A little oneshot that takes place after the events of my fic "sounds like an angel (he might be a demon)".

___

March

The one with groceries and bad coffee buddie, G, 1.3k

It’s fucking coffee, of all things, that finally does it. Or, Buck buys Eddie's favorite brand of coffee for his loft, and Eddie's brain short-circuits, leading to a realization.

Fine buddie, 1.6k

Eddie’s foot feels heavy on the gas pedal, while his hands grip the steering wheel tightly, to prevent them from shaking. He’s driving almost on autopilot, while trying his best to compartmentalize and focus on just getting to the hospital, trying not to think about Buck- about what’s happening in the back of the ambulance right now. Or, after the drive to the hospital after Buck's hit by lightning, Eddie loses it. Sort of 6x10 coda.

don't know what I'd do if your tomorrow never came buddie, 1.9k

He can’t help but think that this is some kind of sick joke from the universe, which he doesn’t believe but he knows Buck would. “The universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen” is what Buck said once, it feels like a lifetime ago. He didn't believe it, then, either. And now the universe is mocking Eddie, having him have to tell their kid about Buck, just like Buck had to tell him about the shooting. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck did it, how he had the strength, because he’s on the verge of breaking down and shattering into a million little pieces. Or, Eddie goes home to tell Christopher about Buck getting hurt.

we got time (but we're only human) buddie, 1.6k

“We got time, Eds.” Buck chuckles. “Not enough.” Eddie’s voice breaks a little. Buck squeezes his hand. “We almost ran out of time, and I can’t just wait until it happens again, Buck. Besides, life is short. We’ll never really have enough time, because a lifetime with you wouldn’t be enough." Or, Buck wakes up from his coma, and Eddie, done with wasting time, confesses his feelings.

I can't love you any more (than I do now) buddie, G, 2.6k

Eddie's pretty sure he and Buck are dating and kind of living together. Neither acknowledges it, until Eddie finally does.

I don't mind a detour (as long as I still get to be yours) buddie, G, 1.4k

Buck falls asleep on Eddie's couch. Eddie has feelings about it.

___

April

me and you only equals love buddie, E, 6.6k

“What would you say,” Eddie brings one of his hands to Buck’s face, traces his jaw, feather-light, barely there touch, and hears Buck take a shaky breath, eyes wide with something like awe not leaving Eddie’s face, “if I wanted to kiss you? Just hypothetically.” OR, Eddie is horny and in love, and after the poker date, he finally kisses Buck - and things unfold from there. aka my first smut lol

you're the one I want buddie, G, 1.4k

“You know there’s only one person I’m interested in.” “And who might that be?” Buck leans back against the counter with a goofy grin, and Eddie wants to just go over there and kiss him. “Just my best friend I’m kind of hopelessly in love with.” Eddie shrugs, and enjoys seeing how Buck’s whole face gets red. OR, no one knows that Eddie and Buck are dating, Pepa tries to set Eddie up on dates, and Buck finds it amusing.

kiss it better buddie, G, 1.5k

Buck burns his tongue, Eddie makes a joke, and everything changes.

stuck with each other buddie, G, 2.5k

Buck's new fixation is buying unnecessary kitchen gadgets that end up in Eddie's kitchen, they all cook together, and Eddie can't keep his feelings in check.

I'm free in salt water (embrace the deep end, leave everything) maddie fic, 612 words

Sobbing, Maddie got up and, fully clothed, stepped into the ocean. Cold water was splattering against her, as she kept walking, fighting against the waves that tried to push her out. She was determined. It wasn’t her first attempt at killing herself, but it would be the first time she would be successful. OR, What was going through Maddie's mind as she walks into the ocean? (wrote this one when i was bored in class in college about a year before I posted this and idk if I like it tbh but it's posted haha)

___

May

I'd marry you with paper rings buddie, G, 3.4k

“If we’re not married by the time we’re, like, forty, we should just marry each other.” he chuckles, and downs the rest of his beer. And Eddie… Eddie knows it’s a joke. Obviously. It can’t be anything but. But still, it does something to him. He’s thought about it, fantasized about it, but hearing it from Buck, even jokingly… “Why wait?” his tone is also teasing. He can play it off as a joke, while still looking for Buck’s reaction, for any indication about how he feels. (...) “Let’s just do it now and get it over with.” Or, Buck makes a joke that leads to an unplanned marriage proposal.

Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life? buddie, G, 2.9k

Buck spends time with Eddie and Chris, and for some reason finds himself incapable of telling Natalia, which leads to some realizations.

what a mighty good man buddie, G, 3.4k

Buck loses his phone, and Eddie calls him to help him find it - but he does not expect the ringtone Buck has set for him.

___

June

me, you, our kid and a dog buddie, G, 4.7k

Buck and Chris try to convince Eddie to get a dog, while not even living together. It leads to more unexpected changes than Eddie could ever imagine.

___

July

you been looking for love (let me show you how it's done) buddie, E, 12.2k

“Are you-” he frowns, the confusion somehow winning with the urge to just lean in and kiss him so thoroughly he’ll forget about any other kiss he might’ve shared with any dates. “Are you doing all this on purpose?” “Doing what?” Eddie tilts his head, licks his lips, and – Buck’s almost a hundred percent sure – drops his gaze to Buck’s lips for a second. “Eddie.” Buck takes a deep breath, and wants so badly to kiss the smirk off of Eddie’s face. “Please.” “What for?” “You’re driving me insane.” he whispers, nails digging into his palms to prevent himself from reaching out. But Eddie’s thigh is pressed against his, and somehow his hand is on Buck’s knee now, and Eddie’s looking at him in such a way, that it makes Buck hot all over – or, hotter, his palms are sweating, actually. “And I feel like you are doing it on purpose.” or, Eddie is a tease, Buck is horny and jealous of Eddie dating, and a regular evening takes an unexpected turn.

___

August

For a holiday (and forevermore) buddie, M, 95k, 30 chapters

Eddie's sick of personal, intrusive questions about his love life whenever he visits his family, so he starts bringing Buck for the holidays as his (fake) boyfriend. He only wants to shut them up, and doesn't expect that the small crush he has on his best friend could actually turn into something more... (my baby fake dating holiday fic <3)

I could get lost in the feelings (just say that you belong to me) buddie, E, 15k

“Wait, wha- how- how do you feel about me?” Buck asks, his voice quiet and almost hesitant. “Buck, really? Isn’t it obvious? Do I have to spell it out for you?” Eddie sighs, eyes finally locking with Buck’s. “I think I’d like you to.” he whispers, eyes wide. “Just so I- just so I’m sure.” “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Eddie mutters, and then, frustrated and sad, and angry, he takes the few steps separating him from Buck, grabs his face with both hands, and crashes their lips together. Or, Buck's going on a date, Eddie's so jealous he finally snaps and reveals his feelings, which leads to a passionate evening in Buck's kitchen. aka the possessive smut which might be one of my fave fics ever haha

___

September

baby, you drive me wild buddie, E, 10.9k

He places his left hand on Buck’s thigh now, and Buck’s smirk just grows. “Eddie, I’m driving.” he says mock-scolding, but he chuckles breathily, as Eddie shifts in his seat, angling more towards Buck, taking his right hand and very lightly moving it along Buck’s inner thigh, following the seam of his jeans, until he gets to his dick. “Pull over, then.” he hears his own hoarse voice, as his hand grips Buck’s also already hard dick, getting a gasp out of him, his left hand still on Buck’s thigh digging its fingers into the leg. He really doesn’t think he can wait until they get home. “Eddie.” Buck shakes his head slightly, eyes not leaving the road. “We’re not gonna have sex on the side of the road.” Or, Buck and Eddie have car sex on the side of the road. one of my absolute favorite fics I've written and i think my fave smut ngl haha

___

October

the next best thing buddie, E, 9k

And, look, Eddie could say that it’s all good, delete the message, and pretend it never happened. Except, the more he looks, the more turned on he gets, and his hand starts stroking his dick through the fabric, and- and his mind is clouded by arousal and jealousy, and such strong feeling of possessive want, he’s not thinking when he throws the covers away, takes a picture of his bulge, cock hard and leaking, a wet spot visible on his underwear, and sends it to Buck in response, with a text that says ‘no worries, I liked it. fuck, I want that gorgeous cock all to myself’. It’s so unlike him, he’d never even taken a nude picture before now, but- but this is Buck, who makes some sort of crazy possessive beast roar to life in his chest, and has his body screaming at him to do something, anything to get Buck’s attention on him, instead of whoever the hell was on the receiving end of the messages leading to that one. ‘HOLY SHIT’ is what he gets back, and not even two seconds later, Buck’s calling him. Or, Buck accidentally sends a nude and a spicy text to Eddie - things escalate from there.

___

November

I wanna spend my forever like that buddie, G, 8.6k

Eddie catches a cold and stubbornly denies he's sick, while a fondly exasperated Buck is trying to take care of him.

____

Writing Round-Up: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones your most excited about.

no pressure tags: @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @honestlydarkprincess @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @daffi-990 @loserdiaz @lover-of-mine @giddyupbuck @spotsandsocks @housewifebuck @underwater-ninja-13 @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @jamespearce9-1-1 @jeeyuns @callmenewbie @thewolvesof1998 @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @pirrusstuff @fortheloveofbuddie

#2023 writing round-up #writing round-up #tag games #i wrote so much at in march-april-may and then there's a decline lmao #self recs #i love most of the fics on here ngl #this year has been good when it comes to writing #clearly the lightning got to me lmao how did i write so much about it #this is so long lmao but ill never pass an opportunity to self rec sns 🙈

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thatpaintedpony · 9 months

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It’s Christmas so it’s time for the 2023 year in review. This is going to be a rollercoaster so strap in.

We kicked off 2023 with a trail ride down to our neighbour’s place to ride on her lovely arena, and needless to say Sky took it all in her stride, though she was a little wide eyed when she met their many, many, many blood hounds. It was, however, extremely hot, and we both came home drenched in sweat and ready for a shower.

We had, of course, been preparing for our Novice debut for nearly 12 months now so we were also starting to work with a bit of elementary stuff, working slowly on our laterals and developing our walk to canters. January at work was deeply miserable, as my excellent manager had left and I was left in a job I hated, surrounded by people I didn’t like, plus I wasn’t allowed to work from home which made riding a bit miserable. Still, we plugged along through January.

I once more rode at the MARC Unofficial comp and did another two Unofficial Novice tests, with one scoring 73%! Unofficial scores are never a good indication of where you are realistically, but it’s always nice to see that score starting with a 7. Then, finally, FINALLY at the end of January, we competed in our FIRST Official Novice test at Bowral Dressage Club, more than 8 months later than intended. We had one more error (broke to canter in the lengthen trot) but otherwise put in two very solid tests and scored 64% for both, and placed 2nd and 4rd. Not bad for our first official comp! It seemed the curse was finally broken!

In February, it was off to South Australia to see Mum and Dad, during which time I went on a hot and rather random trail ride on a standardbred out the back of some random lady’s paddock, enjoyed some beach time, and went for a lot of dog walks. We did get excellent weather for change which was nice!

The end of summer brought a boon of blackberries, since our property at Gunning is rank with them and even as annoying as having a property full of noxious weeds is, at least these ones have berries.

We also started preparing for our Novice Freestyle, which was supposed to be debuted at the Festival last year, but never got finished due to the broken hand. This meant a few trips out to a local arena to get the timing right, which we also used to start to develop our elementary work a bit more.

In March it was off to Melbourne to meet my delightful cousin and her new hubby, back from London to visit the family, and Mum and I had an excellent time exploring some museums while we were there.

We had another solid official Novice at ACTDA in March, with 64% and 65%, keeping our scores fairly consistent. We probably could have done better but Sky decided to do a choose your own adventure test so was anticipating pretty badly. In March we also tried our hand at hacking, and did excellently, though it was revoltingly hot, and landed Champion Led Pinto and Reserve Champion Led Warmblood, and picked up a ribbon in almost all our classes.

April rolled around, and with it, Dressage in the Bush. We camped out at Bendick Murrell Showgrounds, and competed in the AOR Novice Championship and the Novice Freestyle. Our Freestyle went well and we won (after a bit of a snafu with the scores) and we placed 3rd and 6th in the Championship, only JUST missing out on Reserve Champion due to an error of course in our first test. But Sky was absolutely exemplary the whole time and I was SO proud of how well we went.

We also won a lesson with the amazing Susan Elekessy, who has become our eyes on the ground, helping us pick up little things that Peter can’t see through the Pivo. She was very complimentary towards Sky, as well, which is always nice.

After the excitement of Dressage in the Bush, a certain SOMEONE (looking at you Lexi) conned me into entering Elementary at the HDC Festival. I figured it would be a good opportunity to see how we would go, how solid our Elem work was. Afterall, we had most of the main movements alright, though our travers was less good. Due to a wedding, I wasn’t able to compete AOR, so I found myself riding my first ever elementary tests in an OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP. No pressure, right? And yet somehow my magical unicorn Sky managed to not only not embarrass us, but to PLACE 6th in the 3.2 with 65%, which ALSO qualified us for States. Insane! We also got 2nd in the Novice Freestyle. Unfortunately the big week and competing elementary meant that by the time we got to our Novice championship, Sky was exhausted, so while we put in decent tests we didn’t manage to place against the Open horses. Still, it was amazing to finally make it to the Festival that I worked so hard to help organise, to actually be able to ride with my amazing friends.

Post Festival, I finally started a new job at ANU, transferring from the Digital Literacy team back into the Library, taking on the role of Information Access and Training Officer, which was a HUGE step in improving my attitude towards work. I love my new manager and my new team, and I’m having so much fun being back as a librarian.

Peer Pressure struck once again, and I found myself entered at States in both Novice and Elementary. With not a lot of time between the Festival and States, I trekked out to Wagga to try and get one more ride at Elementary in before States. We did the 2.3 and the 3.3. We had some hefty mistakes in the 3.3 and ended with 62.8%. Even better, we cracked 70% at Novice for the first time in an Official test which is an excellent benchmark!

Before States I went back to South Australia to surprise Dad for his birthday. Little did I know, it would be the last time I saw him outside of hospital.

Then it was States again. On paper, it wasn’t the most successful Championship we’ve been to. We scored 57% in the 3.3 which was one of our worst ever scores, and 61% in the 3.2, which put us mid field in both tests, which considering these were our 6th and 7th ever Elem tests I was still pretty pleased with, however it did show that Sky was getting a bit scrambled about the simple changes. Then in the novice, again, she was tired, scoring 63% and 64% in the two tests with some silly mistakes. So no ribbons, but the fact that we were even competing at States in at two levels when before Sky the thought of competing at states AT ALL was far out of reach, so I’m still proud to have been there, and we were mid-field in all our tests so definitely not at the bottom!

We took some time off competing while we addressed the issues that had arisen in rushing our Elem start, namely that for a while we were entirely unable to trot, and could ONLY do walk to canters and canter walks. It was a whole thing. So we stepped it back to Novice while we addressed that.

In September, my dad unexpectedly went into hospital with severe pneumonia, among other things. I rushed down to Royal Adelaide hospital to be with him, and stayed for a week as he slowly recovered. He seemed to be getting better, so I came home. I competed at ACTDA in Novice, in a howling gale. Her tests were tense, but obedient, and we got 63% and 64% (at least we’re consistent).

Then, a week later, Dad passed away in the ICU at Royal Adelaide Hospital. It has been the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me.

I came home and tried to pick up my life again.

In November, my bestest for the restest and I decided to start a Podcast, revisiting our terrible writing from when we were teens, in an effort to try and create some sort of platform since apparently that’s what you have to do to publish a book these days.

Finally, it was time for the Canberra Classic. The big local championship that I missed last year due to Sky’s endless seedy toe. I was tough, being the first time I’d competed since Dad died. He was always so invested in my competitions. It was hot, and windy, but Sky put in two lovely tests. We got slammed in the first with 62% for having her poll too low, but scored 69% in the second test to place 5th AOR. If we’d competed Open we’d have been second! Still, I can’t complain about a 69% so was extremely happy, and we got to take home a shiny ribbon.

On the 18th of November we said goodbye to Dad with a wake at one of his old haunts in Balmain, spreading his ashes off Darling Street wharf. I was reminded how truly beautiful the friendships I’ve made are with the support of my amazing pals. I wish they could have met him.

Sky and I came 4th in the AOR Novice Horse of the Year rankings, and I was awarded a Bronze performance medal at ACTDA.

And so we have rolled onto the end of the year, starting to reintroduce our elementary work, getting stronger and ready to start competing at Elementary next year.

Then, approximately 10 minutes before leaving to fly to SA again, I bought a new towing car, a 2010 Mitsubishi Pajero. Hopefully it’s excellent, and I can pass my trusty Prado on to a new owner!

This Christmas is a little bit sadder. A little bit emptier. There were no power tools under the tree this year. Less beers in the fridge. The weather is crap and somehow appropriate. I wish you were here, Dad. Merry Christmas.

#horsblr #equestrian #equestrians of tumblr #horses of tumblr #dressage #dressage horse #year in review #sky

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thisaintascenereviews · 5 months

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Our Favorites Of The Year (So Far), Part One: April 2024

By Bradley Christensen & @jakeh2987

At the end of every year, I’m always amazed when peoples’ yearend lists come out, because it takes me awhile to fathom that it’s really the end of another year. Aside from Christmas, which is what most people associate with that time of year, I love “list season.” Publications of all kinds put out their yearend lists, and I just love seeing what people have been into the entire year. It feels like yesterday I was talking about my favorite media from the entire year, so I thought I’d “check-in” in the beginning, middle, and (obviously) the end of the year. I’m not doing this alone, however, because I thought I’d bring along my buddy Jake. We worked together on a yearend piece last year, too, and I thought it would be fun to work on something like this again, at least checking in periodically with each other and seeing what we’ve been into throughout the year, as well as how the year’s been going when it comes to media of all kinds. With that said, it’s good to have you back, Jake! It feels like deja vu, because it feels like we just did this, but I digress, how’s this year been treating you so far, Jake? How do you think this year has been in comparison to last year?

First of all, thank you for having me back to do this! I had a blast working on our year-end wrap up last year, so I jumped at the chance to do something similar. To answer your question, though, I feel like this year has been really stacked in terms of new releases in not only music, but a lot of different forms of media. Last year was incredible, for sure, but I feel like a lot of it was backloaded in the second half of 2023. This year, on the other hand, I felt like there’s been at least one or two new things to be excited about every week really since the start of the year, but especially so in the last couple of months. I had a look at my top 10 albums, and I think almost all of them have come out after the first week of March, which has been great. But, we’ll get to that later. For now, though, I say we take a look back at the broader picture for a second! Last year, we talk about how we often found ourselves falling back into old comforts, whether that be favorite artists, that TV show you’ve binged far too many times before, and so on. For the first bit of this year, I kinda feel like I’ve been a lot more open to discovering new things and stepping outside of my comfort zone, so I’m curious, how does it feel for you?

Last year definitely had a theme of listening to what I call “ol’ reliable” types of media. A lot of my favorite pieces of media were from old favorites, whether I was revisiting them again for the first time in awhile, or old favorites releasing new albums, movies, or shows that I could easily get into and gave me a nice sense of nostalgia. I would say that this year, at least so far, is a mixture of both being adventurous and discovering some new things and still revisiting some of those same “comfort foods,” so to speak. Looking at the big picture of how media has gone this year, it’s certainly been steady since March with at least one album per week that I’m listening to (almost my whole top ten is from the last couple of months as well), and we’ve been getting a steady stream of movies and shows that are worth watching and talking about. Speaking of which, let’s start with movies and TV, what have you been watching this year?

Okay, this is where I get to gush about the new Fallout show that just premiered on Amazon Prime Video a couple weeks ago. I’m not super familiar with the games, having only put a few hours into Fallout 4 way back in 2015, but when the first trailer for this show dropped, I knew I was gonna be in for this. I’m a sucker for a sci-fi/post apocalypse setting, and from what I do know from the games, there was gonna be a blend of dark humor/satire along with the high-stakes drama. I ended up watching the whole season in about a week, and I really loved it. The creative team behind the show did about the best thing you could do for a video game adaptation; it’s set within the universe and continuity of the games, but it’s a new story with new characters, so they were able to tell their own story while still nailing that Fallout vibe. Also, come on, Walton Goggins playing a post-apocalyptic cowboy bounty hunter, how can you not love that? But for real, this show was a blast, and I’m happy it’s already been renewed for a second season, because I can see this show being a great time for many years to come.

Aside from that, though, I did see the Mean Girls musical movie from earlier this year, and while I don’t think it was all that great (and I don’t necessarily love the original, either), it’s pretty clear why Renee Rapp is a rising star, she was great in it and can definitely sing. I’ve also been making my way through a super casual Criminal Minds rewatch, it’s been a long while since I’ve watched a lot of the early stuff, so I like having it on in the background while I do other things, but I still love this show a lot. How about you, though?

When it comes to TV and movies, I haven’t watched as much stuff as I’ve listened to music, but I’ve got a few things I’ve been watching. The second half of the second season of Invincible, also on Prime Video, premiered last month, and that was a lot of fun, especially after loving the first season a few years back. Animation has been on a roll this year, between that and X-Men ‘97, which has been a show that I’ve been eagerly watching every Wednesday. That show’s been an absolute blast, and despite being rooted in a show from the past, it doesn’t let the nostalgia overtake the show itself. I haven’t really been watching a lot of movies this year, surprisingly enough, but I need to catch up. I need to watch Fallout, though; I love dystopia and post-apocalyptic universes, so I need to sit down and watch that front to back. What about video games? I got a couple that I’ve played this year, not necessarily new but new to me; and that’s been a whole lot of fun.

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth came out at the end of February (on the leap day, no less!), and I've been playing it basically non-stop since then. Rebirth is the second part of a trilogy of games that are remaking/reimagining the original Final Fantasy 7 from back in 1997, greatly expanding upon and making tweaks to various things that were in the original. This is also a game that adopts more of an open-ended structure, featuring several pretty big zones filled with a ton to do. As of writing this, I've put about 100 hours into it, and I'm just over 60% of the way through it. This is a game that''s so incredibly easy to get lost and immersed in for hours, and I think that comes down to three things. Firstly, your main party of characters is so enjoyable to be around; it really hammers home that feeling of being on a grand adventure with your friends, and even when you're doing a seemingly mundane open world activity, you still get little interactions with the characters that makes it worth it. Another factor for me is the combat. I said after the first part came out in 2020 that it had maybe my favorite combat in an RPG, I really loved the seamless blend of real time action and strategy with the ATB system. Rebirth's combat is essentially more of that, but the improvements and enhancements make this combat sing in a way that very few games ever have for me. Swapping between party members, using the new synergy abilities, and popping ATB abilities feels so seamless and flows super well. It's just a blast to play. Finally, I wanna give a shoutout to the minigames. I won't give all of them away, but there are so many different minigames to play, and this is where Rebirth gets to really lean into its silliness more often than not. Your main story can often be very dramatic and emotional, so I appreciate that these side activities are a way to provide a tonal balance and gameplay pacing. And aside from maybe one or two I admittedly wasn't a huge fan of, all of them were really fun to play (shoutout Queen's Blood in particular, I would buy a standalone version of that in a heartbeat). Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't mention the music. It's incredible, and even when you're walking around in the open areas, you get hit with yet another really cool music piece, and that's before you even get to the big set pieces or boss fights, which also rule. I could just gush about this thing forever, really, but I'll top this off by saying it's been a really special experience and I'm so excited to see where it ends up. How about you, though? Have you been playing anything in particular?

Man, Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth sounds great! I always love when a piece of media, whether it’s a game, movie, or album, can really suck you into its story or sound. I can’t say I’ve played any new games, but I got a couple things I’ve been playing so far this year. I spent the last few months playing Mafia III, especially after seeing it was on sale for the first time in awhile, and I absolutely love the first two games. Now those are games that you can get lost in, especially its story, world, and atmosphere, but I’d say the third in this trilogy is the best. Instead of taking place the 1930s or 1940s, like the first two games, the third one takes place in the 1960s, let alone in a New Orleans-type of city with different “districts” that are composed of different kinds of people. This game also tackles issues like racism and PTSD, especially where the main character is Black and a Vietnam veteran. It’s got some hard hitting and still relevant themes, despite coming out in 2016, but it’s still relevant today. The game does have a couple downsides, such as the combat and side missions between story missions being repetitive (despite still a lot of fun), but it’s the story, characters, and the world itself that really draws you in. The music is also a big part of this game, as it features a lot of 50s and 60s blues, rock, soul, pop, and lots of different songs that you can listen to on any car’s radio, and the songs really bring everything to life. It’s a wonderful game, and it’s the best of the three, hands down.

As for the other game, thanks to the new Fallout show coming out, I decided to download Fallout 4 on the PlayStation Store, because it was only $4.99, and I’ve been playing it for a few days now! It’s a lot of fun, despite how I’m still getting used to its world and mechanics. I’ve always been curious about Fallout’s story and lore, but never knew where to start. There’s so many games and lore to sink your teeth into, but that’s what makes the show so good — it’s its own story, like you said, so you don’t need to know everything about the games. The show eases you into it, but if you enjoy post-apocalyptic stories with retro futuristism aesthetics, along with a killer soundtrack (that I enjoy, thanks to my niche taste of 30s, 40s, and 50s music), you should get really into it. The game itself is cool, too, and it also eases you into the story, especially if this is your first go-around. I’m excited to play more, since I haven’t had anything I’ve really dedicated my time to after finishing Mafia III.

With all of that said, let’s get to our main event — 2024 in music. We discussed this a bit earlier, at least our overall first impressions, but this year has been off to the races when it comes to new music. I swear that almost every week since the start of the year, there’s been something new to listen to, but a lot of my favorite albums this year have been from March and April. Let’s not beat around the bush anymore, though. What are your favorites of the year so far? Hell, what are some albums that have been resonating with you this year? They don’t even need to be new, but stuff that you’ve found that you’ve just been into this year, regardless of when it came out.

Both Mafia III and Fallout 4 are games I wanna revisit sometimes, for a lot of the reasons you've said. I do remember Mafia III getting a bit of criticism for its repettitive open world structure and missions, but I loved what I played of it for the setting and characters and how it tackled heavier subject matters in a game like this. And I did redownload Fallout 4 as well, I played a few hours of it when it first released in 2015, but the show has made me wanna give it another go, though at this point I'll probably end up starting a new save.

Anyways, yes, let's get to the main event, our favorite music! I feel like since we both have the same number one, at least I think we do, let's save that for last, but for now, I'm gonna highlight a few from my top 10, in no real order (at least not for the purposes of this piece, I do have a proper list for myself). First, an interesting thing I noticed about my list is how a few of these are from bands/artists you recommended to it. Cory Wells' Harbouring the Hurt I Cause is a really good acoustic/emo album that I had never heard of before you suggested it, and that new Fluorescents album that just dropped, Scream It At Me! gives me such great mid/late 2000s neon pop-punk/pop-rock vibes but with a modern polish to it. You also turned me back on to Neck Deep; their self-titled album is just a really damn solid pop-punk album from a band I admittedly kinda wrote off in recent years.

Secondly, I wanna talk about two final releases from two of my favorite bands, but they're final releases for very different reasons. Sum 41 are pop-punk legends at this point, and sometime last year, they announced that after their new album and some extensive touring, they were calling it quits. It's always nice that when a band does break up, they do so on their own terms and while going out on top. I really had a lot of fun with their final (double) album Heaven x Hell, it felt like a love letter to the band and everything they do well, and I'm happy they were able to go out with that. On the other hand, though, we have Too Close to Touch's For Keeps, and this one is very bittersweet. Vocalist Keaton Pierce passed away unexpectedly in March 2022, and many fans like myself weren't sure we were ever gonna hear from the band again. So, it was a very welcome surprise when they announced a final collection of songs, but it was also a little bittersweet that they decided to call it quits, although it was for a very understandable reason. For Keeps, I think, turned out as well as it could have, and is a very solid sendoff for a vocalist and a band who were so close to taking that next step.

Outside of this year, I did wanna highlight Linkin Park's recently-released greatest hits album, called Papercuts. It's a very nice little collection of songs from their career, and it's been a lot of fun revisiting my first favorite band.

Okay, now I'm gonna throw it back to you, what's some music that you've really been resonating with so far this year?

Yeah, Mafia III got some criticism for the repetitive open world structure and the missions being pretty much copy and paste, such as killing certain enforcers, and interrogating informants, but it’s still a lot of fun every time you get to unleash carnage on an unsuspecting group of bad guys (or are they, because this game does tackle how the main character might not be as good as he thinks he is, and that’s a real interesting idea). I got through a bit of Fallout 4 already, though, and despite a rather annoying combat system that I still need to master, I enjoy it a lot. It’s pretty cool, especially with its story and the lore that the game has already built up for itself.

As for the main event, we can save that specific album for later, but I have a feeling I know what it is, too, and it’s a doozy, that’s for sure. I figured we could highlight stuff from our top tens, really in no particular order, but that’s really neat! I always love recommending stuff, but if I hear something that I think you’d like, I always throw it your way, even if it’s not something I’m as into. Anyhow, my top ten is mainly from bands and artists I’ve already been a fan of, and with the exception of Fluorescents’ debut, Scream It At Me, it’s all stuff that I’ve both heard of but haven’t listened to in awhile. A few of my favorites, in no particular order as well, are Neck Deep’s self-titled and Fluorescents’ Scream It At Me, especially for really wanting some catchy pop-punk at this time of year. Neck Deep’s new one came out in the beginning of the year, but it just hits differently now, and it’s really grown on me. I’ve also been enjoying a handful of metalcore albums, including two that just came out last week. The new Ghost Inside and SeeYouSpaceCowboy albums, respectively titled Searching For Solace and Coup De Grace, are a couple of metalcore albums that really hit what I’ve been looking for, especially really catchy and hard hitting stuff. The new Justin Timberlake album, Everything I Thought It Was, is another album that I’ve been playing a lot this year, and it’s a solid little comeback album for him.

A couple of albums on my list, too, aren’t from bands who released their last albums, although those two albums you mentioned were pretty good, but they’re from artists I never expected to really love a new album from. Thrice frontman Dustin Kensrue dropped a country album, entitled Desert Dreaming, and it’s a wonderful throwback country album that sounds like it came out of the 1960s and 1970s. Augustana, and indie-pop / folk-pop band, also dropped their first album in a decade, called Something Beautiful, and it really hit me, especially for being so catchy. Lil Dicky also dropped a new album this year, his first in almost a decade and I wasn’t expecting to enjoy that as much as I did. I also binged his show, Dave, that has been on for the last few years and it’s a pretty funny show, and I forgot to mention that earlier, but the album, Penith, is supposed to be the “soundtrack” to the show.

Now when it comes to music this year that I’ve been that isn’t new, I got a couple of things, such as getting into the last Hot Mulligan albums after seeing them live with Fall Out Boy a couple months back. I also have spent some time with the last couple of James And The Shame records. That’s the brainchild of Rhett McLaughlin, most famously known from YouTube duo Rhett & Link, but it’s a retro-style country project that has a lot of themes about religion and his overall deconstruction from the church, and it’s very interesting stuff. I’d like to check out that Linkin Park greatest hits, though; they’re a band I feel like hits better with their greatest hits, although their first two albums are really cool still.

There is one album that we haven’t talked about yet that we’ve alluded to, because it’s both our current favorite album this year, so would you like to introduce it?

You know, this is actually kind of a funny full cirlce thing, because Bayside was another band you originally introduced me to, I wanna say about a decade ago, around the time Cult was coming out. I really enjoyed that album, but their next album, 2016''s Vacancy, was what really won me over and made me a huge fan of theirs. So, naturally, you could say that their new album, There Are Worse Things Than Being Alive, being my number one album of the year so far is a bit of a no-brainer, but I really do think this is one of Bayside's best albums, and it really showcases the band at their peak and what they do best, whether it be guitarist Jack O'Shea really letting it rip with some killer guitar parts and solos, Anthony Raneri's ability to paint a picture and tell a story with his lyrics, or the band's penchant for memorable hooks. It's all there in full force on this album, but what I will say, is that if you really think about it, it's not really all that different than what they've been doing. So, I wanna turn it back to you and ask, what was it about thsi album in particular that really clicked and led it to also being your favorite album so far this year?

Bayside is a band that I’ve got a lot of nostalgia for, because I found them on a 2007 Alternative Press compilation. It was an acoustic version of “Dear Your Holiness,” and I really loved it, I picked up 2007’s The Walking Wounded and immediately fell in love with it. It’s still one of my favorite albums today, especially for its great hooks, awesome guitarwork that was really heavy for a pop-punk album, and very poignant lyrics that still hold up today. I have enjoyed their subsequent records, but Bayside ended up becoming a band whose albums all sound the same to me.

Despite how good they are, especially 2016’s Vacancy, you know what you’re getting with an album from them, which can be a good or bad thing, depending on where you stand with them. Aside from The Walking Wounded, nothing else they’ve done since has really blown me away as much as that album. I was somewhat eagerly awaiting There Are Worse Things Than Being Alive, especially because it’s been five years since their last album came out, but what really surprised me was how this album feels oddly refreshing compared to their last couple. Not that they were bad, or even bland, but this album reminds me a lot of The Walking Wounded.

Like you said, this album is a classic Bayside album on the surface, but they prove that they can tweak their formula a bit and make it really interesting. This album is both the heaviest and catchiest I’ve heard Bayside in a long time; their hooks are sticky sweet this time around, but their guitar riffs are some of the thrashiest and most heavy metal-ish that I’ve heard from them. Raneri’s lyrics are also some of the best I’ve heard in awhile, too, and a lot of this album gets lodged in my head for the best reasons. I bet it was a shock to you, especially as someone that hasn’t been crazy about their last few albums, that I was over the moon for this album when it came out, huh?

I was definitely pleasantly surprised when you said you were loving this album as much as you do, but at the same time, especially after hearing you talk about it more, I do kinda get why this one maybe hooked you more than they have the past few albums. Sometimes all it takes is some tweaks/refreshes to the formula, and sometimes, something will just hit you in the right place at the right time, even if maybe it normally wouldn't as much otherwise. But, I love that we both have this at number one; thinking back on years past, I think this has only happened a handful of times, most likely with Fall Out Boy, since they're another band we both love.

It's really hard to believe we're already a quarter of the way through this year already, isn't it? I'm glad we got together to do this again, though, it's been a blast looking back on all of it so far, and I really can't wait for what's still to come.

I really was surprised to love this new album as much as I did, but you’re right, sometimes all it takes is a tweak to the formula to really hit you at the right time. I think by having a catchier and heavier sound, the album was able to hit me harder because it reminded me of when I first listened to them all those years ago. It just hits in the right way, but I truly love it. Not many albums this year have really hit me in that way, but this record is their best in a long time. It’s really hard to believe we’re almost a quarter done, though, so much good stuff has come out and so much is going to come out in the next eight months. It’s been an absolute blast doing this with you again, but before we close this out, what are some albums you’re looking forward to, whether they have a confirmed release date or not?

Just today, as we're writing this, The Home Team announced their third album, called The Crucible of Life, is coming out on July 12th, and I know that album is gonna be amazing. They're really about to be the next big thing, and I can't wiat. The other big one for me is The Early November, whose self-titled album is coming out June 14th. They're a band sorta like Bayside, in that they have a pretty storied legacy in the scene and have still been at it, putting out great music for over 20 years now.

Got anything on your radar coming up?

No way, they finally announced their new album? I hadn’t seen it yet, so that’s awesome. I can’t wait for that, so that’s easily a most anticipated. I’d say that off the top of my head, the upcoming Knocked Loose is my most anticipated, and that comes in a couple weeks on May 10th. Those guys are currently one of the biggest heavy bands in the scene, and their last album was easily my favorite of 2019, so I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time. It’s gonna be a good rest of the year, for sure, and I can’t wait to do this again with you. I hopefully plan on doing this again here in another three or four months, and then at the end of the year, but it’s been a lot of fun being able to work on another one of these pieces with you, so thanks for being able to indulge me on what we’ve been into this year so far!

Yeah, this has been so much fun, so thank you for having me! I'm looking forward to meeting up for this again, as I'm sure we'll have plenty more to talk about.

#bayside #there are worse things than being alive #x men 97 #fallout #fallout 4 #final fantasy 7 #heavy metal #metal #rock #metalcore #death metal #mafia iii #sum 41 #pop-punk #neck deep #the ghost inside #searching for solace

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