#last shitpost of the day i promise

[kafka-ohdear]

if alton was like a father figure to skinny, then alley would be his protective older brother.

like, if you noticed the scene when they shaked hands in "the last patrol", the smiles on their face were so genuine and adorable even though their faces were dead serious moments before (they are so cute....).

AND this picture. look at them.

[idliketobeatree]

i'll give you a boop, anywhere you wanna go.

[chipthekeeper]

Happy VELentine's Day, people <3

[f1shart]

idk guys. i saw the ref image, blacked out, and lo and behold this drawing exists (hey, it's not a doodle this time)

ref in question

read more for a bonus that is not a drawing this time ❗��❗️⬇️⬇️

indeed that is almeric davis, recreated in ts3, licking a phallic rainbow object...

you see 👉👈 when i was sick for a month (a week but i was gone for a month) i recreated ALL SEVENTEEN LFT STUDENTS in my beloved sims 3 game. i'm normal i'm normal i'm normal i'm normal i'm fine i'm normal (also a coinkydink: i'm sick again. 😐😐😐😐😐)

[engagemythrusters]

have this two-minute ezra to once again remind you he never got to go to school

[cwarscars]

me quoting american psycho - "i dont think i can control myself."

[queen0funova]

I wonder what ciphers I can run over something that's already had RSA applied to it

[byanyan]

me: my child is completely normal. look at them!!

byan: *pulls knives one by one out of each pant pocket, one out of their boot, three out of different pockets in their bag, one from somewhere under their shirt, another from their sleeve, and a final one inexplicably from the front of their pants, setting them all into a pile*

[lucioshusband]

I'm doing Muriel's route again, and my obsession for him is stronger than last time. I want to draw him now oof

+ this is how it went for me. no one can change my mind.

one day I will stop drawing memes and shitposts, but today is not the day. (<- this is not a promise)

[alllgator-blood]

Okay I promise my next post will be the angst comic part 4 but FIRST. THE ONE AND ONLY THING I SHIP

LITERALLY THE SECOND PERSON WHO GUESSED THE PAIRING GOT IT CORRECT??? THAT WAS FAST. This is a situation where I have to go "okay hear me out" because it makes 0 sense to anyone but me. This is really long and very dependent on my au comic nobody but me has read, but the TL;DR is:

I feel like they'd be a good pairing because shamura loves to learn but doesn't care about material goods, and mystic seller is used to all gods talking to them only BECAUSE they offer material goods. So when somebody actually wanted to know about *them* personally and what it's like to be a weird angel thing, the two established a bond. Also they're both agender and most likely asexual AND don't seem to be socially aware despite being ancient wise beings that know seemingly everything, so they understood each other like instantly.

I have a lot of sketches of them hanging out but here's a shitpost sketch thing I made AAAAAGES ago

Okay so from an in-game standpoint, mystic seller pops up to tell you how the post-game works with purgatory and all that, and introduces the purged bosses. Really ratau could've done that as the established Tutorial Guy, or even narinder but there IS the chance that you killed both of them (lol) so mystic seller is the unkillable, all-knowing angel that shows up to say "you suck at killing people. The bishops are trapped in purgatory, you know. You should probably do something about that".

But from like a CHARACTER standpoint what do they stand to gain? They're not even from your dimension so why should they care, they're just here for your god tears? From the dialogue about the bishops we can see that they don't really give a shit about any of them, EXCEPT! SHAMURA? Mystic seller doesn't feel emotions like "our kind" does but one of the only times they do, it's to say it's a shame what happened to shamura. They also say they didn't barter with them much, because they "needed little".

SO THAT HAD ME THINKING. My au comic (which is hundreds of sketched panels and the full thing will never see the light of day unless I post it unfinished. Eugh) is about shamura going around chronicling everything they witnessed during the time they were alive, and they notice everyone is like...selfish. Trying to be the last god standing. Really obsessed with trinkets and charms, so some of the gods just go around harvesting relics from the other gods and using their powers to survive a little longer. Shamura has visions of the future of siblings they don't know they have yet, so they try to be friendly with the rest of the pantheon to form a family and it always bites them in the ass, so they have to kill them.

Eventually they end up with all these fuckin god tears and they're thinking "what do I even do with these? Nobody wants them and everyone has them", and BOOM. MYSTIC SELLER JUMPSCARE. They do the whole introduction where they say they have loot in exchange for god tears, shamura just drops off the tears and is like "I don't care about trinkets, bye" and the seller is like. What Thy Fuck. Because every other god is pretty adamant on getting something good in exchange for the tears. So they call them back and ask if there's ANYTHING at all they want. And shamura, being the self-proclaimed wisdom god, just asks the seller to talk about themself for a while, who's just like okkaaayyy?? Nobody else ever asked what it's like to be a bizarre circle headed angelic creature that collects magical bits and pieces, but shamura LOVES to learn, and the two bonded that way. Shamura would bring the mystic seller god tears, the seller would tell them a story, they'd write it down to put in their archives and the conversations eventually got more personal when the stories started to run out. They both realized they don't understand how other people work, but they knew how *each other* worked so they could kinda learn how to function as normal people with each other's observations.

When I say I ship them I mostly mean like a QPP situation because I think they'd be good partners in the most autistic asexual way possible, where they don't make out sloppy style or outright say "I love you", but they have an understanding of one another that doesn't apply to anyone else really. They don't have to rely on conventional relationship stuff to know the other one cares deeply for them in the most nonverbal, oddly specific way possible. I know shamura's the smart one but I really feel like that extends to everything except understanding how people work, hence all the stuff that happened with narinder and the rest of the family. So finding someone else outside the pantheon who is quite literally inhuman, otherworldly, genderless and uninterested in Carnal Desire would definitely make them feel the closest thing to romantic love that they can. Also, since mystic seller lets the gods name them, shamura named them "sunshine" after hearing one of their followers singing that "you are my sunshine" song to the person they loved the most. I always liked how shamura has their little moon crown and the mystic seller is depicted as the sun in some of the art? They go together well is what I'm saying and I'm kinda surprised nobody has done anything of them yet.

I WILL SAY I have angst planned for them once I do the introductory comics, it has to do with how narinder's imprisonment happened literally right in front of where mystic seller sets up shop, so canonically it's safe to assume they watched shamura get lobotomized in real time :')

But for now...I must go back to kallamar angst cause I've been putting off posting this part. It gets very mentally ill very quickly so I needed to balance it out with fluff......

[dreamtydraw]

We need to talk about the patreon and fan treatment.

I know a lot of people are happy about the patreon cause it means they get new stuff or opportunities if they missed the Kickstarter for Touch starved But as a backer who pledged some good money, endured the full year of shallow / empty reposted content regarding the game and is now told the basic fandom interaction that I should receive is paywalled I’m upset.

Didn’t we all saw the amount of money received upon Kickstarter ? Why isn’t the patreon just an offer that means people gets the Kickstarter monthly update if they couldn’t support before ??? Why is something that should be either directly free or to some tier of the Kickstarter who paid a lot ( not even talking about me, talking about people who paid over 300€ ) is now asked again ? For what reason do they need to set up a patreon if we aren’t even promised an expended demo in the waiting of another year ???

Even if it’s a small new studio the devs aren’t new and have knowelge regarding fandoms and visual novel development. The last legacy social media was praised because of how nice the post were for the comunity ( we’re talking lore and shitpost type of post ).

The patreon was announced 4 days ago and is now said to release in 4 days…. You realize that it means that a no moment the devs were planning on hearing people’s opinion about it ??? They never been this fast for an announcement and it’s concerning money !? Why is there no testing water ? Why is there no reading the comments of upset Kickstarter backers who propose the alternative to have the patreon release the same infos as the Kickstarter infos so it would give a fair chance to everyone ? Where is the sense of comunity here ???

Now reposting directly what I said on my insta stories :

This is me being upset but remember that i’m upset because I like the premise of this game and had a really big interest and love for it, I’m not being a Hater just for hating I am upset as someone who like the game and what I was promised.

Since I already paid and will receive a game key I will play the game once it’s out because I have no doubt it will be good I am nowhere downplaying how well crafted this game will be I’m just saying that the devs are not treating the fans well enough in return for the boost the comunity is giving them.

Now regarding this post, I am Upset and my opinion won’t change unless the dev actively do something about it so there is no need to try defending them. If you leave a comment in their support I will simply not interact as You have the right to have your opinion but mine is currently settled.

Have a good day and thank you for taking the time to read.

[cosmicstarlatte]

Reality Show: Dateables (Obey Me!)

Diavolo and the others agreed to become a part of a new demon reality show that revolves around their lives.

»Characters: Dateables // ->[Click here for Part 1: Demon Bros]

»Tags: Shitpost/Humor, Bulleted Style, Solomon On His BS LMAO, Slight Mentions of MC

»Notes: Now I do, thanks for asking Anon!♡ // CM= Crew Member

Diavolo:

"Haha! Make sure you get my good side yeah!?"

He was ecstatic, this was the most exciting thing he's done in a while

His camera crew was nervous at first but then relaxed when they saw how easy-going the prince was

Then got nervous again when Barbatos threatened them to remind them who they're in the presence of

Filming him kept them on their toes, it was either going to be an easy normal day or a chaotic one

[Camera zooms in on Dia's photo album and zooms out to an excited Dia]

"Oh, oh! And this is me and Lucifer at the carnival! And this one is me and MC! And here's us all together!"

CM: "My lord may we ask how you feel about MC?"

[Camera pans to Dia reaching for a journal titled MC Fanfiction ]

"I'm glad you asked."

Barbatos shut that down real quick and made them cut that last part that day

[Camera cuts to Dia doing selfie POV and running from Barbatos and the crew] "-AND LUCIFER HAS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS B-"

[Camera cuts momentarily, flashes of Lucifer and Dia struggling]

Naturally, the demons loved the prince even more after filming ended, it was nice to see another side of him

Barbatos:

"Delete that. Understood? 🙂"

Hated the entire show idea and tried to talk Diavolo out of it however he lost that battle

His camera crew was scared the entire time but filming him was easy for the most part

Viewers liked seeing the day to day things the butler did for the prince like preparing meals and organizing events

[Camera shakes as they trail behind Barbatos]

"You can't follow me into my room."

CM: "But the contract states-"

"🙂"

(nervous) CM: "Wow what's that!?" [Shakily zooms in on a clean empty corner]

[Distant camera keeps panning between Barbatos and a rat having a stand off just outside the castle grounds... it runs at him]

"TELL THE YOUNG MASTER IT WAS AN HONOR-"

CM: (Scares the rat in the opposite direction)

[Camera cuts to a disheveled Barb up in a tree]

"...Do you like pastries? Luxurious rare teas? How do you like to be rewarded?"

Simeon:

"Um...hello. I'm Simeon, an exchange student from the Celestial Realm."

Didn't mind being filmed but wasn't sure how to act so:

Main Character energy, he talked like he was on livestream, very show and tell; exactly what the show needed

His crew had a pleasant time with him and viewers loved the angel

[Camera zooms out and pans around his room, focusing on a sheep plushie]

"So this is where I live...and these are my things. I love to write in my spare time!"

[Camera pans to him looking out his window]

"You can see the House of Lamentation from this spot. Always seems to be on fire on Thursdays. Explosions are Saturdays. (BOOM) Ah, right on time. (sips tea)"

[Camera quickly zooms in on his shoulders and hips losing some focus] He's unaware of the fanservice he provides

CM: "Do angels ever get crushes, are they allowed? There's rumors with you and MC-"

"Um, well, you see, oh HEY LUKE! Sorry guys I promised I'd help him with baking!"

[Camera cuts to him pulling an annoyed Luke out the room]

CM to CM: "Can angels ever lie!? Is that allowed!?"

Luke:

"For the last time, I'm not a chihuahua!"

(whispering) CM to CM: "Heh, the rumors are true. He's got a little bark in him!"

Luke was nervous about filming but Simeon helped

His crew had a hard time with him; not that Luke was difficult but more so the crew had to watch what they say or how they act around the young angel

[Camera zooms in through the kitchen door and catches Luke dropping a whole bowl of batter]

They caught him saying his first bad word

Demons liked this 👍 Simeon did not 👎

CM: "That's too high, let me get that for you."

"I can do it myself, thanks!"

[Camera pans to Luke falling, scraping his knee and tearing up]

(sighing) CM: "Come here, I got a band-aid."

Solomon:

"Is this for a cooking show?"

Would not listen and made it a cooking show

His crew rolled with it anyway since it was easy to film him

"Welcome to Solo Cooking!"

Viewers were a little confused but continued watching

[Camera tries to focus on the fresh dish he made]

CM: "Oh that looks good can we try it?"

"By all means!"

His crew had to take a few days off from nearly dying so production moved slowly

One of the CMs ended up quitting and suing but Barb took care of it

[Camera catches Solo calling & inviting MC for dinner]

Out of good faith, one of the crew took his phone and chucked it

"...You could've just said you and the crew wanted an invitation? There's enough-"

His entire crew: (start running)

Viewers were a little disappointed, they thought they'd see more of the sorcerers life

There was one clip though

[Camera catches Solomon and the rarely seen Levi hanging out and laughing]

For some reason that clip became popular and was deemed precious

⬦You might also like: MC's Livestream

[chipthekeeper]

Incorrect Aldhani pt 1/?

[thegodthief]

I lived. I live. I really didn't think I would this time last year. There were some days that the only reason I still breathed was because I promised a dear friend that I would check in with them that day and the thought of disappointing them hurt more than the relief of dying could soothe.

I live. Deliberately. Through conscious choice, daily.

There are matters I want to settle. There are shitposts I want to inflict. There are dolls that need to be made and shawls that need to be finished.

I still don't know where I fit. I keep finding myself excluded from all-welcoming communities because I don't meet their blood quantum requirement, didn't grow up in the culture implied by my skin color, don't know all the slang attributed to my accent, don't make enough money to be of interest.

I'm not polished.

I'm rough.

But I'm done trying to sand away the burrs. I'm done trying to cover the edges sharpened by experience. I'm done trying to make myself safe and acceptable to a hypothetical other that never would have been satisfied with sterility no matter how agreeable the ad hung around my neck.

I live. Apparently, it's the worst trait I have. I make other people uncomfortable by existing so I am not welcome to exist with them.

That's okay.

Because, I live. I still live. And I'm not done experiencing life yet.

That's all I need to keep going.

[tumbleblunder]

So, I made a Kinitopet AU because when the brainrot lasts this long you just gotta.

I've been calling it the Rebooted AU and it exists in the same fantasy setting as all my other characters. Essentially, Kinito ends up with a (very small) physical body and has to learn to deal with it. It's been a lot of fun, and I adore rambling about it to anyone who will listen. I promise there is far more content... I'm just bad at elevator pitches. XD

If you're interested, a bunch of the info can be found on Kinito's AF profile. I'll probably make him a Toyhouse once July is over as well.

https://artfight.net/character/4930572.kinito-griffia-au

Also, here's a shitpost I spent like three days on. Credit to SArtwork for the face in the TV because I couldn't not use it LMAO. This is Kinito and his user-turned-friend/nuisance, Lenny. They are both disasters.

Sam, Jade, and Sonny are all coming down the line, I just need to stop being lazy and also find an artist to help me with Sonny since humans are always a struggle for me.

Also, I'm currently working on a Kinitopet fan discord server with a focus on fan creations, more lax rules, no slowmode, and a minimum age of 16 in place for all members. I did this with AvA years ago, and it was fantastic- so I'm hoping to help cultivate a similar discord community for this fandom as well. Keep an eye out for more info if you'd like to join or even just want info! My Dms on Discord are also open. My username is tumbleblunder :D

(you can also DM me here on tumblr but there is a good chance I will either miss it or forget to reply I am so sorry LMAO)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

reposting one i read on reddit that got removed but i just need to know what tumblr thinks:

AITA for finishing in my girlfriend during the full moon, thinking it was not possible for her to be fertile?

I know the title sounds weird, but I promise this isn't a shitpost, metaphor, or a joke. I (20M) was raised by a single dad, never knew my mom who left me as a baby, and growing up I didn't really have many female (or male, tbh) friends.

The reason I say this is that I don't know all that much about female anatomy; yes, I had sex ed in school, but seriously don't remember anything except "wear a condom", basically.

I met my girlfriend "Beth" (21F) in college and she's the best. It's my first relationship, her second. We've been together for a little more than a year now, and had sex for the first time about half a year ago. After the first couple times, Beth told me that she has a really regular and average period that she's been keeping track of with an app since she was literally 14, plus in the last few years she also started taking her temperature to get even more accurate results; I didn't understand exactly how this works, but she was so reassuring and confident I didn't question it.

Ok, now this is where I might start sounding like an idiot... So she told me her period is an extremely regular 28 days, and she has literally only strayed from this pattern once since she was 14. I also am aware that moon cycles are 28 days. (Correction here: since this incident, I Googled and it's actually about 29 days... but that's besides the point I guess.)

Women tend to be associated with the moon, like Artemis; I truly, deeply believed that the moon phases and all women's menstrual cycles were inherently connected, but just like, different women had their more fertile days with full moons whereas for some it corresponds to a different moon phase, like the new moon, and this is why women differed.

So the reason Beth told me about her period being super regular is that she was confident she knew when she was or was not fertile, and told me she wanted me to finish in her on safe days. We've been having sex like this for the last four months where she tells me the window of time she's safe, she's happy, I'm happy, it's working fine.

I started noticing that the moon tends to be really full and bright every time we have unprotected sex, maybe not necessarily always on a "true" full moon, but definitely around that time. I made a mental note that my girlfriend is a "fertile during a new moon (when you can't see the moon)" sort of girl. If you're wondering why I never just outright asked her about this, it just seemed really obvious to me and I didn't see the point in talking to her about something potentially a little embarrassing for no reason.

June 3rd was the most recent true full moon, and I decided to sort of surprise her by inviting her to my apartment and just pouncing on her wordlessly as soon as she came in. She was into it, we had sex, I finished inside her, she didn't complain or stop me at all.

While cooling off, she remarked that she didn't remember telling me about her safe days in a while, so I must be tracking her period, which she actually thought was sweet lol. I said, "well of course it's a safe day, the moon is so bright". She asked me what I meant, and I said something like "I know you can't possibly get pregnant during a full moon".

She seemed really confused and started getting a bit tense, questioning me more, and I, also confused, started explaining to her about the moon cycle thing I fully believed up until that moment.

This is where she freaked out completely, jumped up and asked me if I was a complete moron. She started yelling at me and freaking out about how insane and irresponsible I was for finishing in her. I was truly shocked I had no idea what to say, especially because it WAS still truly a safe day, but she actually just grabbed her stuff and stormed off before I could do anything.

Well, after she left I googled a bunch of stuff and yep, turns out I'm completely incorrect. That being said, it WAS still a safe day for Beth and she wasn't actually upset about me finishing in her or anything, just the reason I did, I guess. So, AITA?

So generally I don't want to rerun posts from reddit unless it's your own story, but we'll make an exception just this once

What are these acronyms?