#last night i was like 'im only gonna get 6 and a half hours of sleep'

[tandytoaster]

[ head in hands ] i wanna go back to sleep

[phagodyke]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

[tea-and-secrets]

dont wanna rush you mod but i need advice for real before tomorrow night

this is a long ramble im so high + freaking out + need advice so damn bad last night i got way too high drank one + a half bottles of cheap gross wine + ate way fucking too much taco bell + tried to suck my own cock + turns out i can get at the head im flexible af im a career poledancer + got hyper mobility bs + not to brag too much but my dicks too long to be near normal so thankfully i can reach + truly is a shame im strictly a bottom but put that side note aside for a sec ignore the cock brag im still too high i smoked way too much this morning + im hung over + freaking out but ignore it all 'cause that fuck ass $60 ish worth of taco bell i scarfed down half an hour before i started the blowing must have decided on violence 'cause tragedy unfolded right when i shot my load a second type of blowing attacked me i shat myself real bad like explosive diarrhea after being constipated for days it was kinda a relief feeling to my body to be honest but put it aside guys i shat massively right in my bed the pink stuffed cat my mom gave me when i came out as gay was a casualty im still grieving her genuinely rest in peace winnie i pray i can get you clean but thats beside the point + i was sitting there with my own cum all over my face + some in my hair + actual liquid shit on my thighs + sitting in a puddle of my own bodily waste but now my one and only bedsheet i own which is or i guess was cute as fuck all light colours with hello kitty patterns on it has a gigantic disgusting horrific huge brown stain with matching splatter stains all around it like the war crime of my mancunt is so damn obvious theres no possible way to mistake that stain for anything else + even though i sprinted to wash the sheet mere seconds after the flood ceased after i swiftly wiped my poor bottom half enough not to drip as i ran the stain wont fucking leave what do i do i have the hottest bear in the solar sytem coming over tomorrow night 7 pm we just went steady hes coming over to abuse my prostate til i cry + then cuddle my twink ass to sleep + only 6 dollars in my account + car broke down on thursday + no second hand stores i can walk or bus to so i cant get new sheets even for cheap + i could not stand to fucking cancel on him i love him so damn much + our work schedules mean we only see each other once a damn month or sometimes twice if god takes pity on his fags + im actually crying in anxiety i havent seen another human being irl face to face in 32 days i work from home + everyones busy i feel like im gonna die if i cant see the living work of art that is my boyfriend + i need that strap impaling me + i need those hairy tits smothering me half to death + i mean i doubt hed think less of me or leave me over anus disaster stains but id rather take a swim with cement shoes than embarrass myself in front of him + hed probably not want to fuck and cuddle me on the manhole blast stained hello kitty bedsheets i really wouldnt blame him + chat i for real think im starting to have a whole panic attack for the love of christ somebody help

.

[fluffytheocelot]

Hello it’s extremely late oops. Did not realize how long this thing would take (28 and a half hours apparently according to procreate lmao) but finally, here it is!

Carmen Week Day 8: La Femme Rouge

Holy crap that was a lot of characters! For day 8 I wanted to draw all the ways I've drawn/imagined Carmen over the last 5 years! There are many I didn't do for one reason or another, but it mainly boiled down to space lol. These 10 (11 including canon Carmen) are (most) of my favorites of my AUs :)

this turned out so cool im putting it in a frame when i get a chance lol

Info and solo drawings for each under the cut! it is. so long lol

as usual, i'll gladly answer asks about em :) i have plans to write a few for sure, but it's gonna be A While for them lol

Cat:

Both a Warriors AU and also just my "_____ as a cat" style!

This ones a lot less fleshed out so just bear with me lol. (ATM there might only be 2 clans, ACME and VILE, idk yet lol. idk what to name em either cos stickin "clan" on the end don't feel right XD)

In the Warriors AU, Sheeppaw grows up learning 2 contradictory versions of the Warrior Code: The true one from Shadowstalk, and the VILE version from older warriors. She gets made an apprentice a couple moons early, but is relegated only to camp duties until shes 6 moons old.

She trains alongside Cracklepaw, Tigerpaw, Molepaw, Goatpaw, and Silentpaw. At her first gathering she meets another apprentice, maybe a few moons older, from the other clan: Jewelpaw. The two hit it off and become good friends (and develop little mutual crushes). Sheeppaw also sneaks out and meets a kittypet: Player, who she also becomes very good friends with.

When her mentor, the deputy, Shadowstalk fails her on her final warrior assessment she pretty much has most of the same reaction as the show, just in the WC style.

After witnessing a murder, she hightails it out of there and encounters the newly named Crackletail. Panicked, she hastily and vaguely tells him she saw something and needs to Leave.

She makes it to Players yard and lays low for a while, and he introduces her to the neighbor cats, a sibling pair named Zack and Ivy. The four brainstorm and Sheeppaw is renamed Carmen. They know they cant let VILE keep doing what they're doing. So rogue Carmen and her kittypet friends start figuring things out from behind the scenes.

Pirate Cat:

Exactly as it says, bipedal cat world. Black Sheep was dropped off at a random orphanage in England, with a small stuffed black sheep (where she got her name). Since everybody are cats, Black Sheep isn't that atypical of a name. Sorta a mix of normal people names and cat names.

She grows up there alongside her self-appointed older brother Graham. When she's about 10-11ish she meets the princess: Julia Argent. Childhood friends to lovers letsgoo (its a recurring theme in these lol. its cute i like it).

The two eventually get together (in secret, yay homophobia and also societal status) It doesn't help that Black Sheep had a habit of getting in trouble so she could see the princess her princess.

The two get caught one night, and Black Sheep is nearly executed for "corrupting royalty", but Julia manages to talk her father down from that. Instead, she is exiled. If she ever sets foot in the kingdom after dawn, she WILL be killed this time.

Julia visits one last time, and Black Sheep promises to return someday when she finds somewhere where they can be together freely. She gives Julia her stuffed sheep to look after while she's gone, and asks her to take care of Fuega while she's gone (on one of their sneak-outs, they found a baby dragon that Julia managed to convince her dad to let her keep). Julia gives her the triangle choker. yay tearful goodbyes ;-;

Black Sheep and Graham (because no way is he letting his little sister go into exile without him) go from place to place, stealing when they need to and end up accidentally stowing away on a VILE pirate ship.

VILE pirate training to avoid death, they escape. Graham appoints the newly named Carmen Sandiego captain of their little ship, and they also pick up Zack, Ivy, and Player along the way. Carmen becomes very well known around the globe: civilians/lower class people see her as a Robin Hood hero (correct), while most royals and nobles see her as nothing but a filthy pirate (incorrect).

A few years go by when suddenly the crew gets word that the King of England is trying to marry off his daughter, who has recently come of age. Cue panicked race home + childhood lover reunion.

Daughter of Poseidon (Carmen Sandiego and the Olympians):

Percy Jackson AU! Replace Percy with Carmen, Grover with Player, Annabeth with Julia, and switch/move around some plot points and that's about it lol. I keep telling myself I'll do some scene rewrites of this one so we'll see. Includes PJO and HOO acting as prequels for Carmen Sandiego. Def wanna do dome rewrites for the canon show for this AU too lol

Dino Squad:

I'm out here combining one obscure kids show with another lol. If you haven't seen it, Dino Squad is this early 2000s animated show about these 5 teenagers that get mutated and can turn into dinosaurs, and go around stopping the bad guy from turning everything into dinosaurs. (I think the entire series may be on youtube lol. its goofy but man i loved it as a kid. i wanted dino powers so bad)

This is basically a high school au but most of Team Red has dinosaur powers. :P

In this, Dr. Bellum is experimenting with bringing dinosaurs back, but instead of just cloning them, she figures out how to mutate already-existing organisms into others.

(in the OG dino squad, the bad guy IS a dinosaur that evolved into a human--long story--and believes everything should still be dinosaurs. hes technically right, tbf, if the meteor hadn't hit they prolly still WOULD be dinosaurs. why does bellum want dinosaurs? because she's Bellum and she Can lol)

Carmen Wolfe and her twin brother Graham (they're fraternal twins. why? bc i thought it would be funny. yes he still has his accent. its my world i do what i want) are raised by Carlotta and Dexter Wolfe in Kittery Point, Maine. Carlotta is a paleontologist/biologist and Dexter is a history and geography teacher at the high school. They do know of VILE and what Bellum was working on and have been monitoring it in secret from the kids.

Carmen and Julia are those friends that met bc they were both hiding under the slide in like. Preschool and just stayed friends lol. They're the kind of best friends that will just. Show Up. usually Julia at Carmen's house because "You have better snacks" also Julia's parents just Don't Like Carmen. (Why? idk bc i said so. idk they think she's a bad influence. she's really not lol) Literally Julia has like a spot on the couch and a table setting. She's basically the third twin these three have known each other essentially their entire lives.

Zack and Ivy joined the group in middle school, when Ivy had the same class as Carmen, Julia, and Gray. Zack joined via association. (Zack and Ivy, on the other hand are not twins. again. bc its funny. each sibling pair thought the other was like them. zack and ivy thought Carmen and Gray were just normal siblings, and Carmen and Gray thought Zack and Ivy were twins. Julia had to explain to all of them it was not the case lol)

Player is Carmen's online friend that the whole group includes. they all game together and he gets ALL the public school tea. hes about the same age as Zack, so about a year-ish younger than Carmen, Gray, Ivy, and Julia.

At the end of their freshman year, Carmen and Julia start dating. Their friends and Carmen's parents know, they keep it secret from everyone else. At the end of the summer everybody (aside from Player) go to the beach for one last day of freedom before school starts. They swim through the mutant goo, and over the next few days discover their powers.

Carlotta IDs each dino: Carmen is a (large/person sized) pyroraptor, Gray is a T. rex, Julia is a troodon, and I still cant decide on Zack and Ivy's dino forms lol. Carlotta and Dexter explain the whole VILE thing and the group just kinda simultaneously goes "welp guess we're superheroes now. cool"

so yea dealing w highschool and also mutant dinosaurs and superpowers. this ones fun bc they can just be stupid kids lol

The Last Wolf:

My werewolf AU. The one that started all this mess and my love for making AUs of this show. It was my first fanfic i ever wrote, and it is very near to my heart. it's also gotten out of hand and become a franchise at this point it's ridiculous. (Seriously i've got a prequel of her parents planned and also a series of shorts set in the universe) It's gonna be a long ride, boys. Hope people still like CS by the time it's done lol

A Thief's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse:

Zombie apocalypse AU! Talked about this one a bit for AU day, and also as of this post I have ~1k words written of the first chapter! I also have a bunch of the major plot points outlined too ;) I wouldn't expect anything soon tho lol.

She wears a wetsuit under the coat bc it's really hard to bite through, especially with rotten jaws. She's got some boots she probably scavenged or traded for, and of course: the Walkman she probably found looting some abandoned building. She collects cassettes to listen to. Gotta keep sane in the end of the world.

How is this one a literal apocalypse and its still more lighthearted than the one based on FNAF lol

Redd Wolf (Five Nights at Redd's):

FNAF AU. I've truly lost it lol. I have this one completely outlined, nothing written but a lot of things are VERY clear in my mind. This ones uh. a lot more intense than even Thief's Guide. It's FNAF. its immense violence and child death. Seriously, Carmen, Player, Gray, Ivy, Zack, and Julia all end up possessing animatronics at some point. It ends happily, but it is based off a horror thing so if that's not your thing b careful <3

its supposed to be more of a mystery that gets unraveled, but if anyone wants specifics of it u can drop an ask :) i only have animatronic designs for Carmen, Julia, and Gray so far tho. I have ideas for the others too.

This is one I wanna share with y'all at some point. its probably the shortest of the AUs I have outlined so far, so yk. maybe in this lifetime lol.

Carmen and the Age of Wonderbeasts:

Mega Jaguar Carmen. This ones more of a ~vibe~ than an actual plot but i like drawing mega jag carm :)

Plushie Dragon:

This one's not an AU, but actually based on doodles of these 2 plush dragons! Matching red/gold and blue/silver dragons named after carmen and julia lol. I'll get around to posting more drawings of em cause they're cute

the plushies <3 (they have spikes u just cant see em:

ik they look goofy i lov them anyways

Wings of Fire:

Wings of Fire AU! Carmen is a rainwing/skywing hybrid (rainwing dad, skywing mom) She can camoflauge, fly decently fast, and has a prehensile tail. She can't breathe fire or use typical venom, BUT she figures out her venom, while not face-melting by itself, IS in fact flammable. again, more of a ~vibe~ than a story and plot, but I like drawing dragons.

Canon Carmen:

She's front and center, the one that started all this.

Way back in 2019, the autism and ADHD departments in my brain came to an agreement: This show is the greatest show of all time.

It was the first fandom I actively contributed to/interacted with. (I still read fics from other fandoms before, but had never been active in a fandom) Like I mentioned with Last Wolf, I had never actually written fanfiction before, and definitely never posted it. I love writing and telling stories (and boy howdy do I have A Lot of stories rolling around my brain). between all of the AUs ive come up with, I've gotten to practice so much worldbuilding and characterization. English classes usually focused on expository stuff, with like. a brief fiction writing thing. So I've definitely gotten to stretch my creative writing muscles with this show, and hopefully I can put em to use on original projects someday <3

I fell in love with the first season, and got ridiculously excited for every new season and the interactive. (heck, i played every possible option for the interactive the day it came out, and binged every subsequent season the day they aired.)

This show has been a big part of my life the last five years, and the original show will always be special to me. It's the reason I started learning to draw people lol, I have a drawing of Carmen from 2020 that I'm still really proud of. It's hung on my bedroom wall to this day.

So thank you, Carmen Sandiego. For everything.

[4channerguy]

let loose / kunidazai

hayyyy so im just gonna repost this from my ao3 because ive been lacking in tumblr posts lol!! i hope you enjoy :3 xoxo (。・∀・)ノ i used this prompt when writing this: person B tossing snowballs at person A's window, not knowing the window is open and has no screen. also this is probably ooc but idgaf! and also kind of cringe but i also dgaf!

wc: 1057

warnings ✎ : boyfaliures (´･ω･`)  ➜ ┊ pairings: dazai x kunikida

𓂃 ☆ ⋮ doppo kunikida thinks of himself as a precise and sharp man.

he gets a full seven hours of sleep with no distractions, eating a full breakfast precisely at 6 AM, and then meditating. today was his free day off, and all he could think about was doing work. he’d offered fukuzawa to do more paperwork, to discard the load that was on the old man’s shoulders, but he at first declined saying, “you shouldn’t do too much. this day is possibly your only day off.” kunikida only shook his head, pulling his notebook and pointing at it. “i must follow my ideals, sir,” he said firmly. “i must retain the quota of doing seventy-two pages of work.” fukuzawa stared at him for a moment before sighing slightly. He opened his drawer to obtain a tuna can from his secret-stray-cat-stash (SSCS), because it was his free day too. The man didn’t even bother to protest against the golden-blond, and only wished him luck in his assignments.

now at his apartment, kunikida was prepared. he had a neat stack of paperwork with his laptop and of course, his notebook. he adjusted his glasses while gazing out the window. it had snowed last night, with inches of thick snow covering the pathway. since his desk faced the window, decided to open it to at least have some cool breeze in while he worked. it would give me some form of productivity, he thought while also fully opening the window screen as well. He sighed contently, opening his laptop and started typing.

unbeknownst to him, a troublemaker was walking by.

osamu dazai, who just had a typical failed suicide attempt, was mopeing around like a teenager on a winter break, tossing his empty can of tomato juice around his hands. he was thinking about what he wanted for dinner. canned crab probably. with cheap beer. ten cans of beer, maybe. he whistled to himself and then stopped.

he saw kunikida. But, alas, kunikida did not see him. dazai felt his heart skip slightly, seeing him with a furrowed brow working diligently. His glasses were perched on top of his head, which made dazai slightly swoon-

nah. dazai thought. maybe my body is just wired to tease and bother the shit out of him. typical dazai-centric thoughts. dazai crept up towards kunikida’s apartment and started to slowly form a snowball (with his bare hands of course, because he hoped to also catch hypothermia). “KUNIIIIIKIDAAAAAAA!” dazai yelled, which caused kunikida to snap up his head to see the perpetrator. unfortunately, the snowball hit him.

square in the face.

the snowball slowly dripped from his face and onto his desk. dazai only grinned.

“...”

“...surprise?”

kunikida slowly got out of his chair, grabbed his coat, scarf and gloves, put on his snow boots and walked calmly outside where dazai was waiting with a cheshire-like smirk. he took and breath and screamed, “DAAAAAAZAAAAAAIIIII!” he started forming half-assed snowballs and started pelting dazai with him. dazai, on the other hand, was laughing maniacally like a person high on drugs, with a grin reaching his ears. the snow-covered ground became a battle-ground, the two engaging into a chaotic snowball fight. kunikida’s annoyance gradually turned into amusement as he threw, turning uncharacteristically carefree. the two laughed like children on a playground, the chunks of snow glistening, making it look like a hallmark christmas card. to a passerby’s eye, it looked like two grown assed men who were on drugs.

as the snowball fight continued, it got more competitive. kunikida had the sudden urge to outwit dazai, and started to become strategic, hiding behind various things and even building a snow fort. He began a pattern of throwing each snowball while dazai skillfully dodged his attacks and snapped back with his own. in the midst of the laughter, they found a shared joy of letting go of their burdens (well, mostly on kunikida’s part) and embracing the lightness of the moment. kunkida’s mind shifted away from his ideals, and dazai from his future suicide attempts. they just became two individuals enjoying each other’s company in the purest form of fun. Eventually, fatigue caught up to them, leaving their laughter to only breathless chuckles, with fog coming out of their mouth. they stood facing each other covered in snow with comfortable silence. dazai’s grin turned into a warm smile, brushing snow out of his hair. kunikida did the same with his coat.

“you know, kunikida,” dazai began, still trying to get a chunk of snow on his coat. “it’s good to let loose sometimes.” kunikida nodded, cleaning his glasses. “yes, I suppose you’re right,” he paused and cleared his throat, “for once.” dazai only laughed and went towards him, making kunikida hesitant and step back a little. he brushed more snow out of kunikida’s face which caused him to slightly flush. “you’re always being so uptight,” dazai said softly. “you should loosen up more.”

“...well, um, i-”

“also I have a confession to make,” dazai said seriously, which caused kunikida to twitch, making his ears turn red. “since you were (assuming) doing work, could you do…mine?”

“what.”

“okay here me out, so, um, i was busy having-”

“a one night stand,” kunikida interrupted. “or a suicide attempt. or drinking beer and zoning out.”

“...that’s not true! i was fooling around-, no, wait, um, i mean MENTORING, atsushi for his job with kyoka-”

kunikida turned around and started walking away. “H..Hey! Wait, PLEASE KUNIKIDAAA,” dazai went on his knees. “PLEASEEE, I PROMISE I’LL-”

kunikida sighed and stared back at him, his expression unreadable. “i’ll do it for you. but you have to do something, for once.” dazai beamed and dusted off the snow on his pants. “thanks, kunikida.”

awkward silence.

“...i’ll have to get going.” kunikida said, breaking the silence. “hm? oh, yeah.” dazai replied, sort of red-faced. probably the cold. kunikida guessed. “see you tomorrow! we should do this again,” dazai grinned. kunikida nodded.

they both go to their respective apartments, both smiling (kunikida’s almost barely noticeable). kunikida arrived back, taking off his shoes and closing his window for any further cautions. he was about to start his work, but he decided to take a small break, because after all, maybe the troublemaker, osamu dazai, was right.

⋆｡𖦹 °✩ 06.09.23, do not repost or translate my content :^)

[snailmp3]

no one asked, but i thought it looked fun so im gonna do my own ao3 wrapped ♡🐌 ↑template by @spicedrobot

words written: 68,414 → aiming to write/post 100k this year! im also going to try to draw more this year, so we'll see how that goes 🤔

works published: nine

fandoms written for: two! borderlands & jujutsu kaisen♡

longest work: Any Greater Meaning (38k & counting)

shortest work: Mind the Gap (423, for now)

fastest work (per word): Not Every Haunting is for Horror (impulsively wrote that shit in about an hour)

slowest work (per word): Any Greater Meaning

number of wips im bringing into 2025: seven… and they're all for jjk. im planning to prioritize AGM & Y,CoD!!

→ Yuuta, Child of Divorce (posted: 8.5k, 3/13 chapters / ~10k written)

→→ [Divorced, Never Married] (outline only)

→ Any Greater Meaning (posted: 38k, 8/29 chapters / ~60k written)

→→ Heliophilic (~2k written)

→→ Counting Back from Ten (posted: 1.2k, 1/11 chapters / ~2.5k written)

→→ Cigarettes, Strawberries, Sunsets, Fields (~5k written) 

→ [unnamed itafushi fic] (outline only)

favourite character to write: gojo!! i like to lean into how mean/rude he can be & pair that with how tragic he is as a character. his interactions with other characters (like megumi or nanami or geto) are VERY fun to write. hes silly. its fun.

favourite fandom to write: jujutsu kaisen♡♡ ←my current hyperfixation (watched jjk last january and caught brainrot immediately)

favourite moments written: (under the cut for brevity)

from Any Greater Meaning chapter 6:

“Sensei?”

Satoru turns from where he’s considering the logistics of opening Megumi’s door with another application of blue when the door next to it opens and Yuuji pokes his head out. He stares a bit quizzically at them for a half second before his expression turns a bit concerned.

“Yuuji-kun, you’re up awfully late.” Satoru says; Megumi stirs slightly against his shoulder.

“I was waiting for Fushiguro to get back; is he okay?” He steps fully out into the hall, closing his door behind him. He’s dressed down for the night, but he clearly wasn’t sleeping. What a nice boy, waiting up for his friend.

“Right as rain, he’s just a little sleepy, is all.”

“Oh.” Yuuji grins, “And you’re carrying him to bed? That’s really nice of you, Sensei.”

“Sensei is the best!” Satoru shifts his hold on Megumi so he can throw a thumbs up in Yuuji’s direction.

“Ugh, stop talking.” Megumi grumbles. He rubs his face against Satoru’s shoulder in a sleepy movement.

Yuuji muffles a giggle with his hand.

“Ah, but I’m just having a nice conversation with Yuuji~ Shouldn’t you be nicer to your classmate?”

Predictably Megumi goes stiff in his arms.

“Put me down.” He grits into the fabric of Satoru’s jacket.

“Hmm? What was that?”

“Now.”

from Carrion Birds:

Suguru stops a bit closer to him than he normally would, breaching the gap between them the way Satoru does without care. He grabs Satoru’s free hand, linking their fingers— Satoru’s eyes drop to their hands then flick back up to his face.

Suguru leans in and presses a kiss to his cheekbone, “Hey.”

On the way over he’d imagined kissing Satoru the way he’d been kissed in his room. This is about all he can manage, right now.

When he pulls back, Satoru’s mouth is parted slightly in shock, which makes Suguru feel a bit nervous— were those other kisses just a moment of excitement thing?

“I was thinking,” Suguru pushes the anxiety away; he fights curses on the daily, this shouldn’t be the thing that makes him flinch, “That we should visit that new crêpe place this weekend.”

Satoru blinks.

“You—” He closes his mouth. Opens it. Closes it, then, “Crêpes, yes, we should totally— Wait. Just you and me?”

“Yeah.”

“For real?”

“Yes?”

“Hell yeah!” His fingers tighten around Suguru’s, and he pushes into his space until the careful inches he’d left are eaten up. He must have dropped the can of soda because his other hand weaves with Suguru’s as well.

“You should definitely kiss me better than that, though.” He says, grinning, “I want a real one.”

i appreciate everyone who has supported me & my writing this year♡ hopefully a lot more to come in 2025

[sketchy-rosewitch]

Helloo I have a request for reader x Vincent<3 can you do where y/n sleeps with a teddy at night (for comfort) but is insecure about it? Vincent wouldn't know yet, they sleep together but y/n only takes it out when he thinks Vin won't find out, until one night Vincent finally notices? (amab, he/him reader)

Comfort Teddy: Vincent x amab!reader

Warnings: Reader is embarrassed

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long. I was really excited to write it though!

Masterlist

Your leg shakes uncontrollably in bed. The last few nights you’d tried so hard not to sleep with your stuffed bear. Especially since Vincent wanted to sleep upstairs with you this week. It was hard, though the bear was just under your bed, you needed it in your arms. It would help you sleep a little. But the thought of Vincent finding out seemed embarrassing. He wouldn’t make fun of you per se but you could feel him being judge mental.

Curse actions for speaking louder than words.

You peak under the bed and grab the bear. Your Teddy had been with you since you were a newborn, you were surprised it wasn’t completely destroyed, you’d pulled apart and broken half of your other toys as a kid. But Teddy was different, you made sure he was taken care of, clean and loved.

You face away from Vincent and hold onto the bear. Cuddling into his softness. Teddy helped your anxiety subdue and you fell asleep calmly.

-

Vincent got up at the crack of Dawn as he usually did. He’d decided he’d be on a schedule from now on so he could spend more time with you.

He stretched and got out of bed walking around it he noticed something on the ground. Upon closer inspection he found out it was a stuffed bear.

Vincent had never seen it before, but from your arm hanging off the bed close to it he could tell it was yours. Wasn’t anything wrong with a comfort item.

Vincent picked the teddy bear up and rolled you over. You groaned a bit, fluttering your eyes open and closed. He put the bear in your arms and made sure you weren’t going to drop them again.

He changed his clothes and gave you a kiss on the forehead before leaving to work.

-

You’d woken up hours later, around 10 am. You wipe your eyes and furrow your brows feeling your teddy bear in your arms. Usually you dropped him at night. You also didn’t roll around as much. Then for a brief second your boyfriend’s face flashed in your memory.

Ah shit.

Anxiety courses through you all day. You didn’t want to see Vincent. You didn’t want him looking at you, it was embarrassing. You’re a grown man who can’t sleep without a stuffed animal. He’d tell Bo and they’d both make fun of you. What were you gonna do?

Dinner was at 6, you ate by yourself and when you called Vincent up you ran up stairs to hide in your bedroom. Vincent didn’t think anything of it, thought you might’ve been busy. He’d be done around 8 and he could see you then.

8 o’clock came. You hadn’t been down from your shared bedroom. So Vincent made his way upstairs. He gave a small knock but came in without an answer from you.

You sat on your bed hiding your teddy bear behind you. You’d been contemplating getting rid of him or not.

“Heyyyy.”

Vincent scowls and looks you up and down. He shuts the door softly. “What’s up wit’ you?”

“NothING!”

Vincent walks over and quickly looks behind you, your grip is hard on your stuffed bear. He smiles teasingly.

“Teddy Bear’s cute.” He points, you look down and bring it forward, setting it on your lap.

“I was thinking about getting rid of him.” You say, your heart squeezes and tears well up.

“Why’s that?” Vincent and you loo Kat each other.

“It’s embarrassing that I still have it. I’m grown, I’ve been grown. Im sorry you had to see me with it.”

Vincent snorts. You look at him puzzled. “What?”

“It ain’t embarassin’. ‘specially if it brings you comfort. Don’t think like that.” Vincent cups your face. He kisses your forehead and leaves the room. You sit there confused and listen to the rustling and bangs of boxes being moved. Minutes after the boxes stop moving he comes back. Vincent holds a black bear in his large hands. It’s like a small puppy compared to him.

You let Vincent take your stuffy out of your hands and he sets the two next to each other on the bed. “Can both sleep with our comfort animals tonight.” He explains. You smile and hold out your arms. He hugs you gently.

“Thank you Vincent. It means a lot.”

[deaf-solitude]

GUYS IM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THE TWO NEW OFMD EPISODES TODAY!!!! MY BROKEN HEART WAS MENDED AND THEN BROKEN AGAIN WITHIN TWO HALF AN HOUR EPISODES SO WHAT IF I DIED TONIGHT

!! EPISODE 6-7 SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!

OHHHHHHHH MY GODDDD????? THE PARTY EPISODES JUST DONT MISS?? IZZY SINGING LA VIE EN ROSE (I LOVE THIS SONG) IN DRAG W/ WEE JOHN WAS CRAZYYYYYYY I WAS ACTUALLY ALMOST BAWLING AND KICKING MY FEET WITH MY FRIEND OH MY GODDDD

and listen im no izzy apologist, but GOD he has very quickly risen from one of my least favourite characters to one of my favs. I love him SO much. Con's singing voice? FUCKING GORGEOUS. and frenchie playing the lute again?? FUCK. you bet your ASS im writing a fanfic about that WHOLEEE episode. GOD. im so unbelievably happy about episode 6 you guys have NO idea. Last season's party episode was my fav prior to this, but THIS episode?? all time fav hands down. I hated that it was only 30 minutes though that shit deserved to be so much longer. and then the crew singing along through the credits and chanting one more song had me in tears, how dare they rob us of seeing that scene play out.

now dont even get me STARTED on episode 7. die. so what the fuck was that. I was LOVING when the episode started, saw frenchie shake some ass in the background and almost had a heart attack (i will forever be in love with Frenchie sorryyy), but then THAT. scene. WHAT THE FUCK. the lead up to ed and stede reuniting and making up was SO good and then THAT??? WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOURE GONNA BE A FISHERMAN??? DIEEEEE. I wouldve COMPLETELY understood if Ed said the last night was a mistake and he had to figure things out before he could continue with Stede. thats fine. thats actually really great and really healthy and i love that, genuinely. but then the ARGUEMENT?? FUCK RIGHT OFF. MY HEART? SHATTERED. TORN TO SHREDS. PUT THROUGH THE BLENDER. BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK. EVERYTHING that this season had been leading up to and perfectly crafting all for NOTHING?? FOR THEM TO BE SEPERATED AGAIN?? no. im SORRY but i hate it. I *do* see it working out in a few select scenarios, but im still pissed. like if they dont have them meet back up in the most perfect way possible ill be so mad. like SO mad. and then the whole thing with Olu, Jim and Archie and Zheng Yi was so cute and then Stede had to RUIN it. god. i ahte when he gets drunk and starts aggroing at people, it never ends well. AND THEN THAT MOTHERFUCKER RICKYYYYYYYY. RICKY. WHEN I CATCH YOU RICKY. RICKY WHEN I CATCH YOU. THAT MF IS DEAD TO ME. HES BEEN DEAD TO ME. Zheng Yi's face when everything got blown up??? fuck RIGHT OFF KISS MY ASS RICKY. I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER GOD DAMN IT.

anyway im so sorry for that outburst i HAD to get that shit off my chest. anyway ofmd continues to be my all time fav show and i love it sm <3

also working on a request rn to post!! been trying to overcome my writers block and im really liking how this one is turning out. feel free to shoot me some more requests, including season 2 stuff! :D

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/760007558328107008/j-oh-my-god-ive-missed-you-so-much-has-happened

ok so background: i just joined the senior company at my local volunteer fire station (so i can respond to calls) im not technically an emt yet but im going on calls to observe. the boy (who im gonna refer to as 🩺 because why not, and he’s always wearing his fancy stethoscope around his neck) is an emt as well, a few months older than me.

so the first call i go on i’m observing, he’s treating the patient and we’re both in the back of the ambulance. we transport the patient to hospital, and on our way back he’s showing me the ipad and how we document patient care and stuff. and he’s sitting really close. as in our thighs and sides are TOUCHING. and not just like barely i mean our legs are pressed UP AGAINST each other. and then there’s a part about capillary refill (how fast blood returns to the fingernail and color is regained after pressing down on it) and i forgot what it was so i asked and instead of doing it on his hand he does it on MINE and like, multiple fingers too. and THEN i needed to clean something and need to wear gloves (ppe ‼️) and he asks what size i need and im loke “idk a small probably” and he HOLDS UP HIS HAND TO COMPARE MY HAND SIZE TO HIS.

moving on. next standby we’re both sitting at high tops facing the tv where he’s playing some video game. he starts stomping his foot and i look over and he sees my face and is like “there was a caterpillar” and im like “did you kill it” and he’s all confused and says yes (��) and we’re going back and forth for a few minutes bc i was like i would’ve taken it outside bro. later on im bored so i ask about the video game and he’s telling me about it and all that stuff.

up until this point i was like okay, maybe he’s trying to say smth or maybe he’s just clueless and is trying to be nice since we have to work together and we’ve known each other for a little while atp. after last night tho im convinced (and so are all my friends who have weighed in) that he’s into me.

OK NOW LAST NIGHT so a few days ago i had posted a tiktok w pink skies by zach bryan and it was just sky pictures i took bc i love taking sky pictures and i captioned it “yall don’t know zach bryan like i do” and he liked the video (he doesn’t follow me but we are contacts in each others phone so yeah) but last night we had engine room at the ems station (we have 2 stations, one for fire, one for ems, all this happened at the ems station, engine room is just cleaning the room with all the vehicles) and i get there (right at 6:30, literally exactly when it started) and he immediately starts teasing me for being late. THEN he comes up to me and is like referencing my caption being all “only *I* like zach bryan” and teasing me and shit and then we talk for a minute about both liking zach bryan and then i told him the caption was a dig at a girl i don’t like (half true) bc she likes zach bryan and i am a certified gate keeper ‼️ and he’s all interested like “who is it” (background info: he’s a grade older than me, just graduated from the public school i used to go to until freshman year when i switched to private school. the girl im referencing also went to this public school and switched to my private school at the same time as me, and is pretty “well known” in our area.) so i told him like im not telling you bc you might know her, he kept asking so i ended up just telling him and he says he doesn’t know her. so that was that last night.

TOMORROW NIGHTTT we’re going on a little field trip (i’m the only one calling it that because it’s funny) and he’s coming on it, it’s an hour drive away from the fire hall and i don’t know who is driving with who but it’ll be interesting for sure. i’ll give you an update tomorrow if you wish, but that’s everything for now. so yeah, this was long but i hope you enjoyed :D

-🔭

the full body pressing had me leaning in...

the HAND COMPARISON finished it.

like, the man is slutting himself out for you!!!!!!

[heyitslapis]

its a fucking shitshow at work tonight

so we have two groups in-house until Monday. We had 6 no-shows but checked them in anyway because lots of reasons i wont go into cause its unimportant.

A few hours ago a guy left his room and after the door latched the keypad lock DIED. We spent an hour and went through plan A, B, C, & D to try to get the door open. No such luck. We called and woke up our manager, and after telling her everything we tried, she said theres nothing else we can do short of disassembling the door lock, but then he wouldnt be able to latch his door. Have to wait for Maintenance in the morning (8am). We'd normally move him to an empty room but were sold out. Cause he can't sleep in the lobby, we made the decision to move him into one of the no-shows rooms. Two hours later, and guess who shows up? The ONE room out of the 6 no-shows that we gave to the guy who got locked out. So the only way we could move her to a different room was to checkout one of the no-shows (who again, all of them are supposed to be staying through Monday). So i checked her into the room that i just checked out. Now thats a fucking mess and a half to sort out as it is, so god fucking forbid any of the other no-shows show up, because we'll have to do more checkouts and transfers, which will only dig deeper the sinkhole of a situation.

Mind you right after all this is happening and im still frazzled as fuck, one of the ladies who lead one of the groups comes to checkout but is asking to make sure her employees with the group are set to checkout on the 2nd. She doesnt know the room numbers. Only other way we can look up the right rooms is by searching the rate code (employees and students were checked in under the same code, so that wont help), by searching the company name (again, students and employees have the same company name, so that wont work) or by searching the last names. She gave me like 4 different last names. Two of the names werent even in our system, the other two of them had completely different first names than what she told me. She said thats not them. Only other way i could help her is to use the confirmation number, which she had. Found one of the rooms using the confirmation number, and turns out it was under a completely different name. The confirmation number was correct, so i changed the name. The departure date was wrong, so i pushed it through our system, which is gonna oversell us for that day (oh fucking well im leaving that shit for the managers to figure out). She asked about the other rooms, and i asked for those confirmation #s. Apparently she only received ONE confirmation for the 4 rooms, so i literally cannot find those other rooms. She was definitely frustrated and needed to catch her flight, so I asked her if she can have her associates stop by the desk whenever theyre able so we can use their keys to pull up their room numbers and fix all this (sales dropped the ball on that, because if the one room had an incorrect departure date, it means the other rooms do too, which is going to fuck up our inventory even MORE. Yay.) After she leaves, i check her out, only to realize her departure date was the 1st. We're not supposed to check group rooms out early unless sales gives the ok. So i fucked up yet another thing.

To add on all this shit, because ive been running around half the night i didnt get to do my paperwork when i was supposed to, which takes me about an hour and i usually finish it around 3am. Its currently 5:30am, i only just finished my paperwork 10 minutes ago, and im finally on a very short break. Fuck my stupid baka life

[styxnbones]

anyways who wants to hear abt the absolutely insane larp session i had last night where sev got offered scourge cause im still losing my mind over this

prepare for a wall of fucking text

copy pasted from discord bc im not typing this all out again so yall can live w the spelling mistakes its just spice to show how excited i was/am

night started like pretty normal- sev and some of their pseudo-coterie had a scene investigating what we thought was like some kind of shadow orb but which turned out to be just the worlds fattest black cormorant ghoul. like the thing was literally the size of a beachball and sev got some weird looks for saying they wanted to kick it or like stick it with a pin to see if it would fly around like a ballon bc thats the kind of out of pocket shit you say when you're at humanity 5. gangrel guy talked to it and found out it used to be a ghoul for the old nosferatu primogen that had been killed in an explosion that wiped out the whole council back in june, but it has since been re ghouled by another nosferatu. nothing else really interesting in the area so we all head back to elysium

when we get there all the primogen are consipculously absent along w the prince and they've been gone in some side room talking for like the whole first hour and a half of the game. very tense energy in the main area even though no one can really put a pin on a reason for it. sev talks w the resident giovanni, Ms King, finds out she's been having some problems hunting and is really low on blood. so he offers her the use of his herd over the next couple of weeks if she needs a top up and doesn't mind them being a bit dosed up since sev's herd is all junkies. she offers a major boon in return, but sev downgrades it to a minor bc they don't want people to think they're ripping her off and its only 1 dot anyways. its all off the books though, because the harpy had been given the Undesireable status by the keeper last game so he couldn't come to elysium.

a bit after that is when the shitstorm starts really brewing bc sev gets pulled aside by the scourge, marcus, who they're on pretty good terms with at this point, and told that shit is gonna hit the fan when the primogen come back and that they should keep their head down and if they catch any strays they should come to him. about ten minutes later the prince storms out of the meeting and sev catches him saying "well it's not my meeting anymore it's theirs."

they then go over to talk to lennox, the tremere elder they serve as a bodyguard to bc they owe their sire (and who is played by my friend who i got into this game w me), and they tell sev that they'd heard the malk and nos primogen talking about praxis before the meeting started, and also that they had used their influence w the media to see a draft of some of the news this week that indicated that, as sev had suspected, the ventrue who was bloodhunted and killed last week for breaking the masquerade by overfeeding a military base and spreading some sort of disease, was not in fact the guilty party because now the exact same thing is happening in a different area and one of the people who got sick remembers being attacked by a "goth chick" which is a pretty wide demographic but def does not match the ventrue who got got.

so sev goes back to his little pseudo-coterie (the like 6 other kindred in the city who aren't pillar clans) and shares the tea, everyone tries to joke around abt the situation and make bets on who's going to be the next prince. sev guesses it'll be either Mr Light, the malkavian primogen, since he's seemed like the most competent person on the council even if he's kind of in the dog house right now for the suspicious circumstances of "his" new childe's embrace and for bringing said childe around to elysium without them being released let along acknowledged, or it'll be Ambrose- one of the nosferatu elders (the oldest kindred in the city in fact) who was previously Seneschal and has been hoarding major boons from people (sev included, for being given a sizable chunk of nosferatu territory)

when the primogen council does finally emerge it turns out sev was partially right. Absinthe, the nosferatu primogen is the one to make the announcement that the council has made a vote of no confidence towards the prince, and with 5 out of 7 on board (the banu haquim abstained and the tremere was against it since the now-ex prince was tremere) they're able to expend their statuses as primogen and give them up to strip the prince of his authority as well, which subsequently immediately renders everyone who held a title in the court out of a job and everyone in the city unacknowledged so no one can use any innate status powers either.

literally not a second after the words leave absinthe's mouth ambrose stands up and declares praxis

unfortunately for him, ambrose is a bit of a black sheep and doesn't really have anyone who would actually back him up outside of being told to in order to fulfil a boon. absinthe points this out, and publically shames him for even trying to pull this shit since she's the only reason he's even been allowed to stay in the city. Absinthe then declares that actually She is going to be prince, and already has the support of all the other (now-ex) primogen who voted to remove the prince with her, and subsequently their clans. the previous prince, having known this was going to happen already, decides to make what their player would after the game call the "smart choice instead of the fun one" and speak up in support of absinthe as their successor.

ambrose and absinthe then escalate into a like. seriously personal shouting match in front of literally every one making it very clear that they have some serious history and this isnt the first time they've gone over this. Absinthe tells him to leave elysium to spare himself further embarassment and they will deal with him privately back in the warrens. ambrose then decides to use FUCKING DOMINATE and tell HER to leave instead. he fails. and literally everyone with awareness, like over half the room, makes a mass skill test against the st to see if they detect the failed use of a discipline.

also at this point id like to note that ambrose has been standing up on like a little stage in the back of the church where we play and there's like a little table and some chairs up there where sev and their coterie usually hang out and i'm still sitting there and only just realize that everyone else has left so i like awkwardly sneak down into the pews while the awareness test is happening since sev doesnt have that skill

anyways. one of the people who succeeds the awareness test is this banu haqim neonate who apparently has balls of steel because he decides to put an end to this by using quietus to drop silence over ambrose and give his new prince a chance to address the crowd instead of dealing with her unruly clanmate

absinthe again tells ambrose to get lost, this time much less politely, and he vanishes with obfuscate and a merit that makes it so no amount of auspex can detect him. presumably he has left elysium, though in reality he lingers around for a while longer. Prince Absinthe, unchallenged by anyone else, brings everything back to order, and says that clans should gather to decide if they're going to change their primogen, and than anyone who isn't a tremere and was acknowledged by the previous prince can come see her to be reacknowledged.

sev and their gaggle of misfits end up at the back of the line, as is their lot in life, but everyone except the giovanni (who wasn't technically acknowledged in the first place but officially permitted to remain in the city, and has the relationship easily re-esablished) is reacknowledged relatively painlessly.

in an unconventional move, the previous prince had allowed the one remaining loyal brujah of the city to speak as primogen for the collective non-pillars. there's some doubt between us, as we stand in line, as to whether absinthe is going to let this arrangement stand since he had attacked her in a frenzy at the last game when the ex-prince had burnt the body of the bloodhunted ventrue and the fire set him off.

thankfully, the new prince says that he can remain in his position if we, his constituants, still want him to, but that if we don't want him we're not getting anyone (understandable since the only other elder among us is an ex-sabbat gangrel who is a confirmed-but-forgiven diablerist) and we decide if it ain't broke don't fix it

after that sev finds out that, though they're technically still unacknowledged bc absinthe won't talk to the tremere yet, lennox had almost won primogen for the tremere. obviously, no one was going to accept the previous prince as primogen, and aside from len the only other elder is the regent who thinks that camarilla status is a joke and doesn't want any part in it. in the last administration, on the reccomendation of the regent as a sort of fuck you the primogen had been a neonate, and len thinks that if they'd had just a couple more weeks to win people over they'd have snatched the job from her easily. but unfotunately, she's actually been doing pretty well and len's only real bid was that they were the only elder willing and able. len does still end up as whip though.

also, because ambrose in unacknowledged, sev had lost the Favoured status he had given them (which is honestly for the better, being seen as ambrose's protege was not great for his image but he hadn't really been in a position to refuse at the time), and lennox gives sev their Favour to replace it

and then, speak of the fucking devil, ambrose reappears. he comes in through the doors to elysium beelining for sev. i never get to find out what he wanted me for though, since hot on his tail is the ex-prince who snipes him in the back with a force bolt. the malk primogen swiftly steps in and hits them both with a mind whammy that put them into a catatonic state. the st presiding over this then states that because the doors were open, passing mortals outside definatly saw ambrose get like telekinetically blasted back and then both him and the ex-prince have what looks like some kind of mental break down, and that since blood has now been shed on elysium grounds it is immediately deconsecrated. (edited)

mr light then orders a bunch of his clanmates to go out and clean up the breach with dominate, and absinthe comes back into the main room like Motherfuckers I Looked Away For Ten Minutes, and demands that those responsible speak up. both of them are still in a fugue though, so the tremere primogen answers for it, saying that she will take full responsiblility for her clanmate's actions, and absinthe pulls her and the scourge (who is also nosferatu) into a side room.

when ambrose and magna recover the keeper takes custody of them, and wolfram (the aforementioned diablerist gangrel elder) gives the ex-prince a Warned status on top of the Disgraced he instantly got for ruining elysium.

when absinthe is done meeting w the tremere and the scourge, she comes out to pronounce ambrose Disgraced as well, but says magna is going to simply suffer that natural consequences of his actions since violence on elysium grounds automatically makes you Disgraced for a year. she also announces that the previous ventrue primogen is going to be her seneschal, and the new ventrue that the clan has named to replace her, as well as that the previous harpy is now no longer undesireable and in fact is the new keeper of elysium, with his sub-harpy replacing him. and then she says that the nosferatu are currently undecided on their primogen.

which makes sense because absinthe used to primogen, but can't anymore because she's prince, and the only other elder is Ambrose which. yeah. so the next best choice is marcus, the scourge, because he's a prodigal ancilla which means he's socially an elder even though he isn't one by blood or age.

but then. some one would need to step in to his role a scourge. and just before the sts call it for the night bc we're already and hour and a half over the usual end time, marcus comes to sev and explains this whole situation and asks them if they would take the job should he nominate them and have the prince grant them the Exempt status (which would overrule the restriction they have from being an Unreliable clan that prevents them from holding any rank in the sect) and obviously i fucking say yes

so yeah. WILD FUCKING GAME

[one-lucky-day]

Excerpt from Reddit Post: r/SouthKoreaMysteries Posted by u/ReallyGrateful • 8 hours ago "something crazy just happened to my dads boss…" Throw away account because I don't want to get my dad in trouble. ok!!! like what. the.fuck. idk whats going on lately but something insane just happened my dads boss has been refusing to pay him for months always got some excuse. the guy owns like three cars n a vacation home but somehow he 'cant afford' to pay his workers?? my dad was desperate. he was always looking for extra jobs even tho he was already exhausted. he and my mom used up all of their savings to feed me and brother and then we were left with almost nothing. it got so bad he even considered borrowing from loan sharks… then last night my dad calls me freaking out. his boss was found in some alley beaten half to death. then this morning, all his bank records, contracts, messages leaked online proving he was scamming his employees the whole time. and now?? the fucker is in jail!! they say that my dad will be conpensated for all the salaries he missed. he just got the first pay out last night! idk who did this but… i cant even lie. im relieved. whoever u are, if ur reading this. thank you. -- u/heygirlhey • 7 hours ago dude my brother was getting harassed by loan sharks for years. theyd show up at our house all the time threatening. then suddenly the loan sharks got taken out. they were beaten so bad they stopped collecting altogether thought it was a coincidence but now?? idk anymore man -- u/KDfriend99 • 6 hours ago i have a friend whos a nk defector. she saved up for years to bring her brother. she paid this so-called broker to help… and he stole everything. took her money and ghosted her last week? he got jumped outside his office. and the next day? bank records leaked proving he was scamming defectors for years -- u/casshoncasshoff • 5 hours ago ok so i work at a finance company n last year a coworker tricked me into a garbage investment. promised guaranteed returns but it was a scam. i lost everything. two weeks ago? he got the absolute shit kicked out of him. his whole network got exposed too. names, bank accounts, proof of all their fraud this isnt just revenge. someones out there going after the worst ppl in this country -- u/smellmyfinger • 4 hours ago whoever’s doing this is probably the same person donating to gambling recovery programs too. -- u/pumpkinsp1ce • 3 hours ago hey man. whats up with the user name?? -- u/AlwaysWondering • 2 hours ago if this is the same guy who's been donating all that money to aninmal shelters then they're definately husband material! (or wife material!) -- u/onasoapbox • 1 hour ago this dude is beating up innocent people and leaving them for dead we shoudnt be praising him or fantasaizing about him -- u/shrekismyhusbando • 45 min ago lol i don't how you can call people exploiting the poor innocent but go off i guess -- u/u/ReallyGrateful • 30 min ago wow I didn't know that this was gonna blow up but its not really surprising. i'm so happy to read the experiences everyone shared as for an update to what happened to my dad he has a new job now! he is working at this small motel. the owner is really great. my dad invited him over for dinner. the dude talked a lot and he said he reminded me of his daughter. dad said that the dude was really generous with the salary. i honestly cant believe how much our lives have turned around. this is the only update i'll be giving but i'm sure things will continue to be better for us.

SQUID GAME SEASON 2 AU | VIGILANTE! GIHUN After the trauma he went through with the games, Gi-hun made sure no one is pushed to make a choice that will lead them to a fate like his and the people he lost.

[channelbomb]

you should review trilogy by the weeknd… heh..

(sorry this took me so long it’s been sitting in my drafts and i forgot it…)

TRILOGY- THE WEEKND 11/13/12

length: 2 hours and 39 minutes

synopsis: such a good collection of albums. words cannot describe how amazing it is. it’s such a good album. SO long though, because it’s a collection of three of his albums, but it is definitely worth listening to. my only complaints is that a lot of the songs sound the same or are very repetitive.

DO I RECOMMEND? yes! absolutely!

DISC 1

track one: high for this (4:08)

rating: 7/10

i LOVE this song, it is lowkey a little repetitive and boring but his vocals and the instrumentals are so good it makes up for it. the consistency is very satisfying though. and i feel like this song is such a good way to start the album.

track two: what you need (3:25)

rating: 6/10

this song is such a great one, i feel like the vocals are really impressive and it’s so slow and consistent and it’s a REALLYYY good makeout song. plus it’s just overall a really nice song, but there’s nothing that REALLY sticks out to me.

track three: house of balloons/ glass table girls (6:46)

rating: 8/10

i will ALWAYS come back to this song. this is one of my favorites on the album, honestly. it feels so chaotic yet so soothing at the same time. and the fact it’s a sample from siouxsie and the banshees is SO COOL. i love the lyrics and the instrumental scratches an itch in my brain like CRAZY. the second half is okay, though, which is what takes the two points off. i don’t like the weird back vocals and it feels so awkward because the first part was so beautiful.

track four: the morning (5:13)

rating: 9/10

holy fuck. this song is objectively amazing. i will never forget the first time i heard it. it’s SO good. i can’t even put into words how amazing this song is. the instrumental, the beat drop, the everything. the way it feels like when you’re in a car on a summer night or something makes it feel like you’re floating when you listen to it. it deserves all the hype it gets.

track five: wicked games (5:25)

rating: 9/10

fucking AMAZING. i love this song so much. it’s beautiful.

track six: the party and the after party (7:38)

rating: 9/10

this song is also another of my favorites on the album. i absolutely adore the beach house sample, and i love the bass and the beat and the melody and every single aspect of the first half of the song. it’s healing to the ears and the slow beat lowk made me feel like the main character. this song does make the think of eighth grade though, but that’s fine. i love this song so much and it’s always been one of my favorites. the second half is boring, though, and i usually almost always skip it. lol!

track seven: coming down (4:54)

rating: 8/10

i think this song is amazing, and it’s popular for a reason. my only complaint is that after a while it gets SO repetitive and i usually end up skipping the last part. but i find it so creative how it samples dialogue from a movie called shirō kisses saber, and the way that the guitar is in it is a very nice touch. i love this song though, and i definitely like it.

track eight: loft music (6:03)

rating: 7/10

i adore this song, i think it’s so brilliant and it’s SO catchy. again, my only consistent complaint is how repetitive the songs can get. also, the ending is very long too. but i DEFINITELY like this song. it had me bumping my head and shit like DAMN

track nine: the knowing (5:43)

rating: 8/10

LOVED this song. it’s so floaty and i love the instrumentals and i think it’s absolutely amazing.

track ten: twenty eight

rating: 7/10

honestly…? this song is aight, i mean like, it’s good because it’s the weekend? but i wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to it.

(im gonna stretch this out over three parts bc omg this album is long so i’ll see yall for part 2..)

[greydiminishing]

Jan 29

its 8:30, im sitting in the library before class, its nice. i feel like i can breathe. I much prefer this to standing in the cold wondering if the 7:30 province bus will ever come because what if i start walking to the perkins bus stop up the road and as soon as im far enough away the province bus comes, and then i stick my ground and watch the perkins bus come and go as i still stand there in the cold. I feel like that could be like, a metaphor or something.

I ended up going to bed sometime between 12 and 12:30, and got up at 6:30. I wanted to see if i could be ready in an hour and make the 7:30 bus, but it seems i need at least an hour and a half, even without showering (showered last night). I took the 8:20-ish bus. I didnt make/eat breakfast, but i brought a banana and a little cup of peanut butter to eat between classes if im hungry.

I took my adderall today and i feel it working,, slightly. I realized i didnt take it yesterday and that's probably why,, i only wanted to eat snacks and watch youtube and couldn't study. Hopefuly I'll be able to be more productive today as i have a lot of studying and assignments i need to get done.

I like to walk through the bookshelves and look at the books and sometimes pick one out to flip through and put it back (i put it back only if i know for sure where i picked it from!). I started reading A hologram for the king last week, but put it back, i got bored. This morning I picked up the marshmallow test and i think im gonna check it out. i haven't read any of it but its about self control so surely it will help me. Also i usually prefer nonfiction, specifically these kinds of psychology or anthropology, how the brain works, type books. I like those kinds of shows too. Like Vsauce, i LOVED sauce as a kid. and there was one on tv called Brain Games.

Its 8:43, i should probably check this book out in a few minutes and get to class. Aw I forgot to bring a notebook, last class we did a class participation activity (we will have 6 over the semester) and to turn them in we need a sheet of paper. I haven't carried a notebook to class in years?? Oh well, i dont think she'd give us class activity 2 classes in a row.

I didnt spend any time actually preparing for my class. again. Which was kinda the point of coming early. Though journaling is productive too, so I'll take it.

[unfilteredflare]

Depressing shit under the cut

Involving the death of a family member

So my uncle

Out of all of my numerous aunts and uncles (1 of my grandfathers had 12 siblings) this 1 is the 1 that ive always been closest to

He has been slowly dying for several months now

His liver is failing (there is a word 4 it but idk how to spell it) he has been in and out of the hospital constantly. But he refuses to die in a hospital. He wants to go in the comfort of home with family.

He had been living in an assisted care facility. But he decided to move. For the past month and a half, he has been living in my spare room with me and my grandmother (his sister).

He had a really rough time getting into bed last night. Me and grandma had to help him. This morning, he couldnt get up. Hospise came and has told us its time. This is it. He is finally going to pass. Sometime today, tonight, or tomorrow

So im having a rough time rn

Im so scared of him dying alone. Like, we leave the room for a minute or 2 and he passes while we r distracted. Its just something that im being really paranoid about rn. Family have been coming and going all day and my mother is staying the night.

So its me, mom, and grandma. The only people here until morning. Mom and grandma r both also having a really rough time. They cant stand to see him like this. Stuck to his bed and unresponsive. Which i fully understand and dont begrudge them for. But due to my own paranoia, i cant leave his side. So ive been sitting vigil at his bedside for the last 6 hours or more

There is talk of taking shifts so i can rest. But idk if i can make myself leave his side. Even to sleep

And like, when it comes to grief. I kinda just shut down. I havent been able to feel any emotions for several hours now. Like, i know i should be upset. But im just calm and feel nothing rn. Like its any other day. I think its why i can sit for hours next to him like this while mom and grandma have to keep leaving

They r already grieving him. And im just kinda feeling nothing

I know its all gonna hit me later. And its gonna be fucking rough

When my grandfather died, i legitimately dont remember most of that day and the next 7 days. My grief and pain over it was so bad, that i involuntarily blocked my own memory of those days

So like, im kinda scared of how bad this will all hit me

But for now, ive just shut down

[gorewh0re90x-blog]

diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋