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*in a half fugue state* a discord server as an ever changing house
#house of leaves style#the very structure of the server changes#as in jokes are created#as people post more about certain topics#it's like a living thing#an ecosystem#but also a ruin and a relic#channels untouched#last messaged in years ago#pinned messages#jokes you can't remember the origin of#a living record of the life you lead during all that time#the server is a living thing in and of itself#messages from people you've parted ways with#bittersweet or just bitter#people you severed ties with or people who have just faded somewhere to the peripheries of your life#here you were. here is what you said then. this is what you were.#in a way it's almost more personal than a diary#this is how you behave with your friends your loved ones#doesn't that reveal more about you than anything you could say ever could?#an abandoned server on the other hand#empty and lifeless#husks of empty accounts#and memories tainted by the fact that all of it is gone now#so could it have really meant anything?#a discord as a house that is haunted#that is shaped by its occupants as much as its occupants are shaped by it#anyway sorry i'm really high right now and im fucked up on sci fi concepts#i could actually write something with this but it might be a bit intimidating#bc i'd want to do like a real project like an arg or something
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Just a random question to my artist followers: does anyone enjoy posting their stuff on tiktok? I can't tell if its just a me thing or if that app and its userbase are the most obnoxious compared to other social media
#txt#like any time i post something the comments are 10% related to the art#and then 50% is 'omg did you know this guy draws porn!!' and then LINKING THE FUCKING ACCOUNT#35% is someone complaining about gay people or women#and then the last 5% is someone yelling at me because they confused me with some other guy with a similar name/art style#ive also been sent genuine death threats over my dragon ball ship art. something i drew a YEAR ago#because tiktok's privacy policy is so bad that people can't dm you but they can still send message requests#is it because tiktok has a much younger userbase?#like we know how batshit twitter is and instagram is pretty annoying as well but tiktok feels like nobody knows what a filter is
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She is offering water to any lost travelers! However, it's so hot that the water has become tea, so she's adjusted accordingly!
#neopets#neotag#neoart#kiko#slorg#aquanutart#this was for a western themed beauty contest last year! it was very fun! :D i'm so happy we were able to be part of it!#and by 'very fun' i mean it's completely exhausting and i can only handle participating once or twice a year#but it is very exciting too! she gave tea to everyone who stopped by. she was very happy to be able to help so many visitors!#i actually forgot until i checked whether this was from one or two years ago... my sense of time as an adult is --- *waves hand vaguely*#i'm so sorry for all the messages i didn't answer. specifically to the user who sent me a really kind message out of the blue#about how they got the slugawoo avvie from my quiggle's lookup. i didn't even know you could get the avvie from his lookup#so i was very happy to find out!! and i was happy there might be more people getting the avvie from his lookup i didn't know about#and i wanted to tell them how absolutely happy it made me and my brain said ' you should respond to this right away or you won't do it'#and i thought you fool. of course i'll make sure to do something this important#and i kept thinking about it for the past year and thinking i will do it. i will do it#but when i thought about writing the words that were floating in my mind the whole time i would feel blocked#this happens all the time and i'm sorry. it really does make me so happy#and then they deleted all the neomails but thankfully i had it saved so i still was able to find their username and send a message thankyou#i'm very glad
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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life comes at you so fast
#tw personal#tw death#tw cancer#not my usual silly goofy post but it’s hard to remain that way when there’s a lot weighing on your mind#cancer sucks#and it’s unfair how quickly it can take people from us#one moment they seem fine and the next they��re in the icu with a week left to live#he passed two nights ago#i wasn’t planning to post about it but i have the tendency to disassociate from my grief#so here i am instead of wherever the hell!#it’s heartbreaking because he and his wife weren’t just my mum’s bosses - they were long-time friends#i have clear childhood memories of playing at their house with their son#his youngest child is only 3 years old#as soon as he found out he started giving his final messages to his staff#obviously nobody wants to die in that situation#but you could feel how much he *wanted to live*#when i was told about his death it was in the morning and it didn’t feel real#every time i had seen him in the last year he always had a smile on his face#it’s always been hard for me to deal with the prospect of death#and understand how fragile life is#how REAL mortality is#it hits even harder when it happens to someone who was so FULL of life#sighs#life comes at you fast#sometimes in all directions and in every possible and testing way imaginable#i’ve been trying to write and feel any sense of normalcy this evening but for a multitude of reasons i have a sinking feeling in my stomach#sometimes when i’m upset i try recycle the feeling into excitement or happiness over something else#yeah … i can’t really do that tonight#apologies if my energy is bleh. hold your loved ones close. now i return you to my regular scheduled programming
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"they never dated but they ARE exes" is such a funny relationship for two characters to have. very awkward relationship to have irl tho
#eliot posts#it still IS a little funny irl tho#i visoted her last night cuz i was in town and the vibe was so weird#it's like. we had an EXPLOSIVE breakup years ago and we're on amicable terms now but there's just the past kinda hanging there in the air#im no longer upset about the stuff she did to me but i AM still a lil sore abt how she hurt our other friends#but sometimes i still talk to her out of... idk. nostalgia or something?#idk if it's the same thing driving her to keep talking to me or what#i don't think she holds any ill feelings towards me cuz she admitted she was totally in the wrong for pretty much everything#and the worst i did was be TOO loyal and enable her but at the same time she thinks she'd be worse off if i didn't do all that back then idk#sometimes i wonder if she wants our old relationship but but i've made it clear we'll never be able to go back there#sidenote: her actual ex boyfriend (who i am still besties with and love so much) is the one that started the joke that me and her are exes#he was like ''i think she's not just MY ex girlfriend she's OUR ex girlfriend'' when i was telling my roommate about her#(and then i told her about that and she laughed and agreed that yeah. we basically ARE exes)#her actual ex/my bestie won't talk to her at all anymore and he's totally within his rights to do that#i actually asked him a few years ago if he was okay with me talking to her before i messaged her cuz i didn't wanna risk hurting him#anyway yeah. it's weird#seeing her left me with a lot of feelings that aren't exactly bad just Weird. idk.
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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if you were me inside myself but her i met last evening, then we are who i want to be i used to see in dreaming; i lost you got too crossed up tossed our time in trade for running, and stopped our dreamscape dalliance forgot how you are stunning; I ran from drift and day dream, I ran from mental deep- i left the TV playing, and drugged myself to sleep- refused to be inside my mind in bed my head the zone i fled and kept distracted til i passed out all alone abandoning our meeting, i kept us far apart - but in shutting out my you, i locked away my heart. So no more my fleeing being me alone, i'll fight the urge to fear our fortressed soul and see you there tonight
#poem#poetry#i used to love the drifting time right before sleep wandering my mind to find fulfillment#but years ago i stopped doing that and started to hate lying awake in bed for that period before sleep#getting stoned and passing out while some TV show played#i'm sober now but still in the habit of leaving something on to hold my attention until i go unconscious#but i'm starting to think that daydream drift time before sleep is actually really necessary#and i met someone in last night's dreams who had an important message for me#my life
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rip fags the random self mutilating urge to text my ex in the middle of math won out today
#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i just did really well on a sociology surprise quiz and idk why the old impulse to scream about it with her came back#i didn't tell her about it though i just asked how she is now boards are over#messages haven't delivered yet rip#and i deleted her contact do i just searched her bame on whatsapp to find her number#and instead i found a picture of us getting rolls at garia hat last year:') almost exactly a year ago#maybe we can fix it idk. maybe i should call her maybe we could start afresh#we've had enough space that idt well relapse into our old dynamic
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SANS!?!
#Ok I watched it yesterday because my little siblings and my little cousin were watching it#I am not really into miraculous but I watched like the finale episodes of season five last year so idk#I knew some episodes from season one and my little sister became obsessed with it like a year ago#And yeah it was with emotion that really made me like it. She would keep watching the brazilian dub of it.#Kept sending me the song on message. Then I decided that I would send her deformed versions of the kwamis (and the same image of ink sans#over and over with some effects on it). I only have two of those images today.#miraculous ladybug#miraculous london#Should I tag this as#sans#why not heh#Oh yeah I forgot to mention she sometimes take my tablet to take shitty pictures of herself and sometimes#Filmed moments of miraculous and once with like plushies.#Long ass rant for what huh#Miraculous
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one of the absolute funniest moments on scott's tour that i wasn't able to capture on camera (for obvious reasons) was at the meet and greet after the nashville show these two older gay guys mentioned they were reading scott's wikipedia page before the show to find out more to chat about at the meet and greet and like. idk if this is just because i am very familiar with scott's wikipedia page but you could tell that was the extent of their scott knowledge (which is valid not everyone is researching a documentary on the guy)
but then they asked about the poster for the lowest show, which they'd never heard of before their wikipedia reading, specifically this quote:
"The posters—featuring Thompson lying supine on the ground with a big wad of semen dripping down the side of his face—went up around the city on September 10, 2001"
and they were like "wow we'd love to see those posters hahaha" and i immediately jump in like "oh i have that photo on my phone give me like 2 seconds"
to be clear: these guys had not interacted with me or acknowledged my existence the entire conversation. they had their backs to me when they were talking to scott, i did not introduce myself as directing the documentary since i wasn't filming and they didn't ask who i am, etc. but my brain was like "oh someone wants to learn more about scott? my time to shine, let me pull up that folder in my camera roll". even scott was like jfc here they go again.
anyway i barely had to scroll back in my doc research folder so i immediately held out my phone to the guys and showed them this
it's a photo taken days after 9/11 of scott in front of the posters for his show which was supposed to open the following week
so i hold out my phone and explain this thinking like hey i'm being so helpful these guys wanted to see this aspect of scott lore and i gave it to them!! meanwhile these two old guys are like i can't even focus on the poster anymore i am standing next to scott thompson and also WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD AND WHY DID THEY JUST HAVE THIS ON THEIR PHONE?
another one of the funniest tour moments was after meeting up with some gay guys in their 70s who were friends-of-a-friend-of-scott and immediately befriending both of them we were about to leave and i asked for their phone number and scott just rolled his eyes and was like i'll give you his phone number in the car as though he was saying "jfc jessamine this is ridiculous even for you". he never ended up giving me the old guy's number
#i just love old gay men so much lmao#and they seem to love me (or at least the ones in the second example did lmao)#also one of the other indicators that the first guys only knew about scott's personal life from his wikipedia page#is that they assumed the last boyfriend mentioned on there was someone scott was still dating to this day#and they were like ''oh i'm so happy to hear you have (boyfriend's name)'' meanwhile scott is like ''uh sorry we broke up 21 years ago''#meanwhile i'm like SAME NUMBER OF YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN ALIVE SCOTT!!#to be fair scott hasn't had a serious long-term relationship since then so we have joked about my birth somehow being the antichrist#but just for scott thompson's romantic life. like there's some curse that scott can't be in a serious relationship until i am#which is very funny bc both of us did in fact have a date we were looking forward to when we got back from the tour#in my case mine is with a hot nonbinary person who works at the venue where scott did his boston show and that's how we met lmao#this is also why i was pissed off that my instagram locked me out bc i have hot nonbinary person's instagram but not their phone number#and i said i'd message them when i got back from the tour. which i cannot do#tempted to just message them as mouth congress (the one account i can still get into) and send them my phone number#maybe i'll do that if i don't get my instagram back by buddy's birthday#anyway maybe this is oversharing about both my love life and scott's love life but i just find it very funny#like i was never someone in high school who went on dates and gossiped about it with my friends#and now i get to have some bizarre version of that where my peer group is goddamn scott thompson????#between this and me pulling up the lowest show pic in like 2 seconds yeah maybe we are weirdly close lmao#but i wouldn't have it any other way
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HELLO!
name: kim age: 29 pronouns: she/her location: pennsylvania, usa tracking: #userkim
INTERESTS
monster movies/tv shows, video games, hockey, boba tea
CURRENTLY
watching: the oc playing: dragon age: the veilguard listening: pvris
more about me here 🖤
#userkim#about kim#mobile about me#also using this post to announce that i now have a tracked tag!#mutuals/followers feel free to tag me in your posts of your work esp if it's related to anything i post#i checked to see if anyone was still tracking this tag for a while#and the last post using the tag was made about 6 years ago that i saw on my end#if you're seeing this and still using the tag feel free to message me!#also special mention to milo for inspiring me to use a track tag 🖤
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god i really do have like almost two years prior to dating worth of being So Loser Gay And In Love that i just cannot express properly
#its been almost a month and it does not feel real at ALL that hera and i are actually dating i need u guys to understand i was SO fond#there is a discord message from literally two years ago tomorrow referring to it as the 'cute trans girl on tech' or something along those l#*lines#said i was in love with it in APRIL OF LAST YEAR I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND#and i didnt SAY ANYTHING TO IT UNTIL SO RECENTLY GHJFJFHFH
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.
#so a little over a year ago i kissed a guy who i have known for nearly 20 years. on the lips#well he kissed me to be fair#after a whole night of dancing together and i will admit yes i flirted with him a LOT but. the thing is we have a weird kind of situation#because we aren't really friends but we share a best friend#and when our best friend was depressed we texted each other to try and think of ways to get her out of her funk#and when he need tips on what to get our mutual best friend he texts me too#and when we see each other at parties. well. the times we have ended up alone have always been charged lets just say that#and he REMEMBERED one of those moments and told me so last year and i was floored so i decided to go with it and flirt with him fhdshf#anyways. long story short he literally picked me up and pushed me against a wall and kissed me. and then. we shared a cab and hugged#good night and never talked about it again#i saw him a few months ago for the first time since That Night and we. did not talk about it! gfdhgd i am glad but also it's a bit weird id#and now he and our best friend are on holiday together and they are both messaging me and he just. texted me a kissy face.#and now i want to kill him (affectionately).#oh and he has a serious girlfriend so :) hgfhdhh i make such good life decisions don't i#i never told our best friend about the kiss btw. because she would kill both of us for sure#okay rant over anyways i dont think i will ever be normal about this guy. story of my life
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Finally finished Attack on Titan. My God. Just. Wow.
#I started it when it first came out then was very odd and on#I eventually watched like 3 seasons in and never watched the last season or the long finale eps#I started getting my brother more into anime over the last like 2 years or so#he discovered AOT and finished it a while ago now and has been pushing for me to finish it too for like probably over a year at least#I’ve always been reluctant cause it’s such a heavy show and I had to be in the mood#finally the stars aligned tonight and we watched the final finale ep.#I cried several times.#it was perfect#it was painful and perfect#my fucking heart#hard to believe I finally finished it after over a decade from when I started it#and now I have lots of convos about it with my brother to look forward to#we’ve already discussed plenty tonight. but it’s getting late and idk if my brain’s even fully processed it all#attack on titan#top tier in my books#I don’t think I could ever do justice to the show trying to explain what was so good about it#gotta appreciate the little things. need to take the time to look at where I am rather than just where I want to reach.#peace and freedom are always worth reaching for even if war and suffering are inevitable to life. cherish the lives around you.#those are my takeaways from the series. those are the messages I received. and what a tragic and beautiful journey it was.
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Hello, I hope it is an appropriate place to drop my unhinged RKZ thought... Upon rewatching Hobbit, I couldn't help but think that ZK would make a fine Elrond 🥺🤡...just imagining him walking around in those majestic robes, fighting with his sword, speaking unhing...i mean wise words of courage and comfort... Thank you, that's the message, also I hope you will have a wonderful new year! 💫💜
Hi 🧝🏼♂️
First of all, I owe you a big apology, since it took me so long to come around to this ask! Truth is, I really like Lord of the Rings, yet haven't watched the movies in ages - so I used this message as an excuse to rewatch at least the first movie before I answer this ask 🤭 (chose LotR to rewatch since I kind of like them more than the Hobbit movies).
And what can I say, after I've fallen head first into my LOTR-phase again: You are so right. Apart from the fact that I absolutely adore Elrond (incidentally one my favourite characters), I definitely see your point.
First of all, Elrond is such a well spoken and attentive person, gives out considered advice, has strong opinions at times and very courageous moments. And he can be so gentle!
(Isildur should've listened to him, that would've solved a lot of ensuing problems)
His fashion sense, regarding robes and armour, is so elegant! It would fit Richard perfectly, since it's sophisticated, flattering and so aesthetically pleasing.
Because since I saw Richard for example in this Roman armor in the Deutschland music video, I'm dying to see him in some LotR/GoT/fantasy armor 🙏🏻
Apart from Hugo Weaving's wonderful portrayal of Elrond, I imagine him looking like this in the books (credits to Rene Gross) - just think about Richard in this fashion! 🤍
And let's not forget Erlond's home, Rivendell. It's so elegant and I can very well imagine Richard wandering through the halls and the gardens:
Or this bedroom, it's so beautiful honestly (let's...let's just ignore Frodo wasting away here, that lad is suffering for three movies/books straigh):
In conclusion: I need a Richard-Lord of the Rings-crossover 👀 Maybe some talented fic writes have some ideas 👀
#Thank you for your messages and again I'm so sorry this took so long#But before I write about Elrond I really wanted to see the movie again first#Last time I watched something from the LotR universe was 11 years ago#So this was a great reason to start with it again!#And Richard in fantasy-medieval clothes hoooooooo my god my heart#He would fit as Elrond so we'll#rammstein#richard kruspe#ask#lord of the rings#elrond#hugo weaving
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