#largely just a vent essay

[always-andromeda]

notes on femininity - 5/14/24

I wonder if I will ever be able to look at myself and not feel myself start to spin out. Because that seems to be what happens every time I do. For as long as I can remember, my relationship with girlhood has always been contemptuous. 

As far back as childhood, I felt it. All my friends wore bright colors smattered with sparkles from Justice while I dressed in my mother’s hand-me-down business casual wear. They were the only thing that fit me. Because little girls my size just weren’t worth selling to, I guess. All the other little girls got to be these pretty princesses covered in ruffles and jewels and I was just…there.

I was the one the other girls were always pointedly embarrassed of. On one hand, I was a pretty poor representation of their girl club. But on the other, man, did I make them look a whole lot better. Can’t live with me, can’t live without me or however the saying goes.

I may have been a girl, but I wasn’t girl enough to play Bella Swan when we played Twilight at recess. I was taller and bigger and I didn’t quite fit in with the rest of them. So of course I alternated between playing Edward and Jacob in a sea of the other girls all fawning around me, performing this exaggerated helplessness like they’d seen in the movies. 

I think that’s how I was taught to view femininity in general. Girl wasn’t defined by genitals or reproductive organs. It was defined by performance and, by extension, helplessness and pain. Most importantly, it always revolved around men.

Any and every man could be the all seeing audience we played for. Your father, your brother, your friends, hell, even God himself. It was all for Him. So you always had to be prepared to contort yourself into whatever position He needed; the Maiden, the Mother, the Sage, the Innocent, the Enigma, the Boss, the Siren, any number of clown costumes one could parade around in.

I did what I’ve always done. I studied them. Because I yearned to understand what makes a girl earn the attention of this audience. Every other girl seemed to be born blessed in that regard. Boys liked them. And so I thought: how do I trick people into believing that I’m one of those girls too?

Being fat, unattractive, unappealing, and uninteresting, I certainly had my work cut out for me. My teenage years were spent googling:

“how to be pretty”

“how to do eyeliner”

“how to talk to boys”

“how to flirt with boys”

“how to french kiss”

“how to suppress gag reflex”

Because what was the point if I didn’t have those things down? What the fuck was the point of anything if I wasn’t building myself up into some mythical fucking creature who could be anything for anyone? I didn’t have a type but I could be anyone’s. If they could look past my face and my body, of course; if they understood that I was looking at myself with the same unimpressed expression as they were. I could do my best impression of whatever girl they needed me to be. I was constantly doing market research, constantly inputting data, constantly updating into the newest, best version I could possibly be.

Imagine my surprise when I learned that when you turn yourself into a giving machine, you tend to attract people who only want to take. In fact, sometimes you attract thieves who don’t bother sticking a dollar in the slot either. Instead they smash the glass facade surrounding your humanity and take what they please.

They leave you empty, wondering what you are going to fill those slots with. Because what if someone passes by? What if they’d like something from you too? You don’t want them to see the broken glass. You don’t want them to be afraid. You don’t want them to reach their hand inside and hurt themselves on the jagged remnants of the crime inflicted on you. So you sweep away the evidence and drape a blanket over yourself.

You’re not out of order, you’re merely undergoing renovation. Don’t worry, I still have things to offer! You can count on me! I can still be worth something!

I can’t help but feel that deep down inside of me, there is something rotten. And not from something that was stolen from me. It’s something that’s been slowly putrefying since the day I was born. Maybe that something is the fact that I don’t have a place amongst it all. Maybe it’s the fact that if I were born a hundred years ago, I probably would’ve been locked in a hospital somewhere. I’d have my own little padded room with a slot in the door that’s too small to see all of me through. I could only be viewed in fragments, withering away over time until there’s nothing left to observe. Maybe it’s the fact that the idea of that comforts me even the slightest bit.

Because I still make myself into that machine. Could I ever stop being that girl? I try so hard to stop. But in a way, it’s such a self fulfilling prophecy. Because if I keep doing those things…aren’t I fulfilling the ultimate mission of femininity and girlhood? 

I can’t be the only one who feels it. I know I’m not. There’s enough feminist literature out in the world that I know hundreds of thousands of people have felt it long before I have.

I’m just tired. I’m tired of not knowing who I am when I’m not performing or when I’m not in pain. I’m tired of feeling like those are the only moments where I have something to offer the world. I’m tired of feeling like I have to offer something to begin with.

[exhaslo]

Kinktober Day 20- Roommate!Miguel x Reader

*Requested by Reader ;) *

        It was your third year of college and you had decided to get one of the dorm houses right next to the college. Finally! No more small apartment in a large dorm hall; no more random fire alarms because someone didn't know how long to cook popcorn; no more being locked out of your dorm room because you were in a shared bathroom; and finally, no more loud and obnoxious roommates. Having this house meant that you picked your roommate. You had your freedom.

        What better than a roommate who is going to have their heads stuck in the books or at the library? You interviewed so many people, but only one caught your attention as the perfect roommate. 

Miguel O'Hara

         The man was not only eye candy, but one of the smartest students on campus. Correction, he was the smartest student. You were surprised when he was in the hunt for a roommate. The two of you got along and you decided to go with him. All you ever heard about him was either girls wanting to fuck him, or that he was a hardass who kept his head in the books. A perfect roommate.

         Things were going smoothly for the first few months. You barely saw him due to your conflicting schedules, but he kept his part of the house clean. There was never any loud noise from his room, nor was there any reason to complain. The only little issue you were having was that he was too fucking sexy.

        Lord did the impure thoughts start when you saw him exit the shower one day. You swore drool was coming out of your mouth as you stared at him. You would have never thought that Miguel was so fit. No wonder why all the girls on campus wanted to date him. The man had a body of a god!

"Perhaps I should charge a fee," Miguel said, waking you from your trance. Your face was flustered,

"Sorry! I was just surprised!" You admitted, hiding your embarrassment. 

"Surprised it took you long enough to know why I like to hide here instead of the library?" You could have sworn you saw a smirk on his face, "Midterms are coming up. Let me know if you need help...studying."

        Oh man, you were embarrassed. Since then, Miguel had gotten a little more snarky with you. In a playful manner. Honestly, it felt like he was pulling st your heart strings. The man was smart, hot and a menace to your thoughts. You were ashamed to say that you had thought about your roommate a lot at night as you played with yourself.

        You weren't the only one. Miguel was pumping his dick in his hand every night to the thought of you under him. You were pretty dangerous to be around. Walking around in your underwear and a shirt; laying on the couch; hell, Miguel was even aroused by you cooking dinner. In his eyes, you were already his. He just hadn't sealed the deal yet.

"Argh, I hate men!" You cried out, planting your face onto the couch. Miguel was sitting on the side chair,

"Including me?" He asked, not straying away from his essay. You huffed, face him,

"No..."

"Good, now who do I have to beat up for annoying my precious roommate?"

"Hahaaa, just one of my classmates. We were doing a project and he had the gall to tell me I had no idea what I'm doing. I fucking major in the subject!"

       As you were venting, Miguel was staring at you. He found it cute how red your cheeks got when you were angry. How tight your clothes were against your body. Miguel wanted to see you strip. To get lazy and comfy. It was something only for his eyes to see. He moved his laptop over his bulge, wanting to hide the fact that he was getting turned on from just staring at you.

"And then he had the absolute nerve after all that to ask me out! Like, why would I want to date a rude snob like him?! After I said hell no, he called me a bitch and went to shit talk me to his friends!" You whimpered, tears threatening to spill. 

        Miguel immediately went to your aid. He brought you a box of tissues, sitting beside you now. You rested your head against his shoulder, trying your best to not cry.

"I can beat him up for you, amor. (love). You can do so much better."

"Haha, thanks Miguel."

---------------

          After that, you went back to your hard studies since Finals were around the corner. That boy who had bothered you prior stopped bothering you completely. In fact, he avoided you. It was strange, but you were happy about it. All you needed was to pass your classes. Miguel helped you study for midterms, perhaps he was willing to help you again for finals?

        You were sitting in your shared living room, waiting for Miguel's class to get out. You were getting frustrated from trying to figure out stuff from another class. Glancing at the time, you inhaled deeply. There was still plenty of time before Miguel came home, you could use a little destress. Laying against the couch, you spread your legs and began to rub your clit was massaging you breast.

"Mhm, Miguel," You closed your eyes, imaging that it was Miguel toying with your body.

        Raising your hips, you started to feverishly rub your clit. Whines coming out as you desperately wanted Miguel to touch you. You lowered your fingers to your aching hole, doing your best to finger yourself.

"Miguel!" You whined.

"Fuck," Miguel groaned as he walked through the door. You gasped loudly, fixing yourself, 

"M-Miguel!? Y-Your c-class-?!" You panicked. Miguel hurried to your side,

"Don't you fucking stop now." He groaned, his hands making haste into your shorts, "Fuck, hearing your moans when I walk in. Cómo puedo contenerme? (How can I hold myself back?)"

       You gasped as Miguel had you pinned to the couch. His hands quickly replaced yours and he entered two digits into your wet cunt. You moaned, arching your back into the couch as he pumped his fingers roughly. Your pussy clentching down against his hand whike your hips moved against his palm. His fingers were so thick, bigger than some of your toys. He was already stretching you out.

"Hah, ah, M-Miguel..." You whimpered a moan as he curled his fingers. Miguel licked his lips,

"Qué hermoso. Tu cuerpo se está desmoronando por mi culpa. (How beautiful. Your body just falling apart because of me.)" You trembled as you reached your first orgasm, "What a naughty roommate. Teasing me so much."

        You panted heavily, never experience an orgasm like that before. You followed Miguel's gaze, watching him undo his pants as he licked his fingers. His pupils almost looked blown once he had a taste of you. It made you wetter. Finally, all of those wet dreams you've had of fucking your roommate was about to come true. Miguel cussed lowly as his belt got in the way.

"I never seen you this stressed," You teased, helping him undo his pants, "How long have you been wanting this?"

"Why do you think I became your roommate?" Miguel watched your reaction towards his large dick, "You?"

"Before midterms,"

        You stroked his dick with both hands. His low rumbling groans were turning you on more. You brought your lips to his tip, licking the precum that had started to drip. You winced at the salty taste but continued to suck him. Miguel's hand rested on your head as you bobbed your head against him. It was difficult and you could not take him fully, but Miguel seemed to enjoy it. Tears formed from the corner of your eyes as Miguel forced your head lower.

        Muffling against his dick, Miguel stopped, allowing you to breathe. You crawled over his lap, positioning his dick over your soaked hole. Miguel held your hips and placed you on your back before entering. The two of you moaned in unison. Miguel held your legs up as he stretched you out. Miguel was destroying your pussy and he hadn't even moved yet. You gripped the couch's blanket, raising your hips as he kept pushing himself inside.

"Looks like you need help with your finals," Miguel groaned, watching your pussy suck his dick as he finally fit his whole length, "Let me start by teaching this naughty pussy a lesson."

"Mhm, p-please," You begged. Miguel pulled back then slapped his length into you with force, "Ah~!" You cried out.

"Qué compañera de cuarto más cachonda. ¿A punto de romperse después de un solo empujón de mi polla? Tu coño fue hecho solo para mí. Mira lo mojada que estás, sólo para mí. (What a slutty roommate. About to break after just one thrust of my dick? Your pussy was made just for me. Look at how wet you are, just for me.)"

"M-Miguel!" 

        You gasped for air as he fucked your brains out. Each thrust was bringing your orgasm closer and closer. Miguel grabbed your breasts, playing with them as he sucked on your collarbone. His dick pounding you relentlessly. He had his body pinned against you like an animal in heat, refusing to let you go. You wrapped your arms around his neck, moaning into his ear as you reached another orgasm. Miguel shivered in delight and decided to reward you. He slammed his cock a few more times, filling your womb with his cum.

"Looks like you're going to need a lot more lessons, cariño (sweetheart). But don't worry, I won't charge my dear roommate."

"Y-You better not." You huffed. Miguel smirked as he gave you another slap of his dick, "W-Wait~ Mhm, d-don't...d-do that." Your whines turned into moans as Miguel kept abusing your poor cunt.

"After waiting this long, you really don't think I'm not going to fuck you dumb? Gotta make sure I keep tutoring you."

"Hah, hah, y-yes," You replied, throwing your head back in pleasure.

        You did not care how many times you needed to ask Miguel for help. You knew that he would tutor you seriously. It was your payment that you really looked forward too. Anytime either of you were stressed, you two had some of the best sex. When it was time to renew your lease for the house, both you and Miguel did not hesitate to agree. Miguel was the perfect roommate. Perfect boyfriend. You were not letting go of him, and neither was he of you.

[olderthannetfic]

Hot take incoming.

People who have been traumatized or otherwise harmed by certain people (predators, etc) have every right to be upset about it, and angry, and scared about whether other people will experience the same thing. They also have a right to process their trauma in their own time, because everyone is different. It is also understandable that some people might not have access to a way to process that trauma. Lastly, obviously, people with trauma totally deserve to be included in fandom spaces as much as someone who doesn't have trauma.

However… I feel like there is a line that shouldn't be crossed when engaging in certain discourse in fandom, and outside of fandom. If someone has lots of unresolved, unprocessed trauma, and because of it, they can't be (sufficiently) objective, or look at things in a more unbiased manner, they should not be engaging in discourse about things like censorship too heavily—if at all. They need to postpone that until their mental health is a bit better.

Unresolved trauma can make it really hard to properly acknowledge nuance. For example, if someone's parents grabbed them, beat them, withheld food, opened locked doors on them, et al, yes, they're going to have trauma. But the question remains whether they can view something like a fictional dynamic where, for instance, someone makes amends with their parents who abused them due to mental illness, which has since been treated, with ample objectivity. Or any other, even darker topics, especially ones where toxic relationships and events are written to be erotic). It really feels like many people in fandom don't recognize they might be too biased to read something without viscerally (viscerally!) reacting, and throwing down the "ban it" card. I get the impression it's not really healthy for the individual a lot of times, too.

I've reblogged posts about why it's bad to censor sensitive topics in fandom, and I've posted some of my own commentary, which tends to be very clinical. I've had multiple strangers, at these times, create full-on essays in my inbox where, after mentioning how I seemed like a safe space, they described how they were groomed and abused by someone, and all sorts of stuff that I didn't want to read. While it was very sympathetic, they argued that x things should be censored, and nobody should be allowed to write toxic relationships, because they "knew just how bad that trauma could be," and they implored me to believe them. But even if they do have firsthand experience with that trauma, and they feel so strongly about it, does that really make their argument any more logical?

I'm convinced these people still had unprocessed trauma, so they were acting with their feelings, not their brain. I got this impression from how they completely trauma-dumped on me - I kid you not, it felt like they had to get this stuff out somehow, because they hadn't been given enough opportunity to vent before. One of these people who were in my inbox? They legitimately seemed desperate to get me to accept what they were saying. Now, it could've been a bucket of fake bullshit. But if it was real, I have to wonder how much of the incessant campaigning for censorship is actually a misguided way for people to manage and make sense of trauma, to validate it somehow, and feel like they're getting control over a situation, even if they don't realize that's what they're trying to do.

Not to claim people shouldn't be allowed to speak their minds. But, there's nuance. I feel like a lot of people in fandom need to wrap their heads around the fact that there is a large difference between being informed by trauma, and letting trauma speak for you. And the latter can often lead to bad outcomes.

--

[the-light-hum-by-the-lonely-sun]

(cough cough everything here is my interpretation etc etc dont get mad at me)

The Mind Electric isn't really a diss track. I mean, it sort of is, but not really.

I think it would be far more applicable to call it a vent post. Mind, despite pretty much constantly trying to give off the impression that he is in control, kind of isn't ever, really? In Whole, he's left on the shelf, and during Cacophony he is the "Ruler of Everything", but doesn't really rule... anything?

Sure, he has a degree of control over Heart. To my understanding, he only has control of the Vessel through Heart. During Just Apathy, he tells Heart what to say, and Heart relays it through the Vessel's mouth. (Assuming that's why Mind is telling Heart to say things. It makes more sense than Mind 1984ing Heart.)

Even in his songs, he never gets anything across. Be Born is pretty much him pointing out Heart and Soul's faults, and neither of them listen. He immediately must cave to Soul's will during The Soul Eclectic, where Soul refers to himself as a "lord" over Heart and Mind.

He's also the one that most consistently brings up the issue of time. After Mucka Blucka, with the notable exceptions of The Bidding and Taken for a Ride, they largely don't acknowledge the Time Loop, with the exception of Mind. He brings that shit up constantly to the point where it's kind of funny? Look at his lines in TWW&Y.

But overall, he's real goddamn frustrated. He *is* actually decently logical, but emotions run over. The guy that shot him, textually his only friend, vilifies him (NOTE: i don't think Heart is unjustified in this. It's pretty reasonable. It's just not the point right now), everyone is ignoring him. He is 100% ready to combine throughout the majority of Cacophony. Like, it's just towards the end of STAAS and most of TME that he isn't.

So yeah! He got pissed! He started flinging petty insults because that's what he thinks Heart is doing. He's basically yelling, "FINE! If this is how you want to treat me, I'll do it too." It isn't even completely petty! Towards the ends, he clearly calms down. He's still bitter, but like. He closes it out by saying that Heart almost murdered him and plays victim, that he too is necessary, and that despite being harsh he wants the best for everyone.

Okay. Essay over. I might read over this later after I'm fully done with my total analysis, but I think this is pretty alright. Feel free to correct me on anything I got blatantly wrong. Again, I don't think Heart is completely in the wrong or anything, it's just. This is about Mind, lmao.

[wartakes]

Fighting Back in an Age of Impunity

Its the last essay of the year and the events going on in Gaza - and similar events elsewhere - had me pondering some thoughts for those who may feel powerless and like they can't do anything. It's not perfect, but its something. Full essay under the cut. Happy Holidays.

I feel like I increasingly start each of these essays with checking on folks and seeing how they’re doing following “the event” – with whatever “the event” is varying depending on what time of the year the essay is occurring in. When I first started thinking about what I may be writing for my last essay of 2023, I thought the worst event I’d have to think about was Azerbaijan’s assault on Artsakh, which resulted in over 100,000 ethnic Armenians fleeing their homes as Ilham Aliyev finally realized his genocidal dream of cleansing the region and forcing it fully into Azerbaijan by force.

Of course, then October 7th happened.

This is not to say that what happened with Artsakh should be forgotten about by any stretch of the imagination. We definitely shouldn’t forget about Armenia and Azerbaijan – especially as Azerbaijan, supported by Turkey, continues to make aggressive statements suggesting it may attack the Republic of Armenia proper in order to secure a corridor to its exclave in Nakhchivan. This is still very important and deserves our attention.

At the same time, if you’ve been following world events at all since October 7th, you kinda know what the most pressing, soul-sucking issue of the moment is. In the weeks since the attacks launched by the Gaza-based Palestinian militant groups – spearheaded by the Islamist political-military movement HAMAS, which largely controls the enclave – Israel has used that unarguable tragedy as an excuse to launch a horrific campaign of violence of its own in revenge, the sheer scale and scope of which has left the Israeli bodycount of October 7th in the dust as more and more Palestinians are killed by the Israel Defense Forces with each passing day – most of them women and children.

I originally was going to shift focus and write something entirely about what’s going on in Gaza, but I was also not sure what more I could say that would be constructive and not simply venting to avoid exploding (something I do on Twitter on a regular basis). I also didn’t want to complete leave Armenia and Azerbaijan in the dust, because I felt there were a lot of parallels between the two situations and their histories (which makes sense since Azerbaijan and Israel have such a cozy relationship, with Israel being one of Azerbaijan’s main arms suppliers in its wars against Armenia and Armenians).

In the end, I decided I wanted to write about something that is more generally going on, and that we’ve seen in Israel’s campaign against Palestinians, Azerbaijan’s campaign against Armenia and Armenians, Russia’s war against Ukraine (which Putin says isn’t ending anytime soon in case you were curious), and other acts of aggression by hostile states and armed groups in what feels like every corner of the globe these days. Everywhere you look, it seems that fascistic states and groups are taking every possible opportunity to try and conquer and kill that which they covet or hate.

We are currently living through what I conceive of as a new “Age of Impunity” in international relations, of which the current assault on Gaza is only one example – though certainly the most egregious and barbaric of the moment. Such ages are not new, and have waxed and waned throughout history, but they all have one core theme in common: during their span, we see a drastic increase in aggression by those states and groups who are determined to hammer home the Thucydidean cliche that “the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.”

But there is a new rub to this tale as old as time. Now, in an age of an increasingly interconnected world via the internet and social media and smart phones and etc., aggressors are not just seeking to prove that might is right, but to gaslight us constantly as they do it, doggedly endeavoring to convince us that this state of affairs is not simply the glib, bleak reality that is allowed to persist in international relations, but is actually good and right and just and fair that those of us that dare question their narrative are insane and sick and even criminal for believing otherwise. To try and add further legitimacy or distance themselves from the acts of information warfare, such aggressors often enlist third parties as well who are aligned to them either ideologically or financially (i.e. they’re paid to).

This combination of consequence free mass violence combined with an aggressive campaign to make you feel insane for not thinking its actually good is enough to make anyone with a moral compass feel actually insane, or to feel incredibly depressed and distraught over it all. Its so easy to feel completely and totally powerless from events such as Gaza and more, boiling over inside with a sense of impotent rage, especially when it seems that all that a key set of individuals and governments would need to do to stop it all – or at least less the impact – is show a modicum of backbone and a slight bit of effort to go along with it, but they don’t.

However, it is important for us all to understand against this backdrop of slaughter, that we are not powerless – not completely. There are limits on our power as “normal” people, absolutely; but we are not totally powerless, and the longer we go on thinking that the longer this Age of Impunity will last – to say nothing of other negative states of affairs we’d rather not stick around. There are actions that we as people can take to try and effect better outcomes. These actions are often indirect, focusing on applying pressure in various forms on those who can actually do something or who can otherwise force someone else to do something, but are none the less impactful and not to be disregarded.

To the end of helping folks not feel powerless in the face of impunity and aggression and giving them a concept through which they can push back on aggression and fascism and authoritarianism worldwide, I’ve crafted an approach of my own. The approach I’ve conceived of is extremely simple, straightforward, broad, long-term and almost certainly incomplete – but a start. So, if the gifts you’re looking to get this holiday season are a shred of hope, a sense of purpose, a modicum of agency, and the ability to actually make an impact upon ongoing global events, let’s open up Santa’s big bag of toys and see what’s inside for all the good little guys, gals, and non-binary pals out there. Ho ho ho.

BLUF: “Don’t Shut Up”

I already warned you that my plan is pretty simple. What I haven’t warned you is that this plan, in a nutshell, may make some people roll their eyes and go “yeah, right, whatever” (or something more impolite), so consider yourself warned of that now.

So, the plan? Don’t shut up. Ok, obviously this is going to need more expounding upon.

To build upon “don’t shut up” in more detail, the plan is simply to not give up voicing your opposition to the unjustifiable acts of aggression going on throughout the world – whoever it is that is undertaking them, whenever they occur, and wherever they occur. This opposition can come in various forms, be it protests and various other forms of activism and civil disobedience, both physical and virtual, but it really can be boiled down to those three words: don’t shut up. Keep talking – shouting, rather – about what’s going on and don’t let people forget what’s going on.

Not to get defensive right off the bat, but I am anticipating some people reading this feeling a bit disappointed, dismissive (maybe to the point of eye-rolling), or frustrated with this simple approach. So I want to take a little time to push back gently before we get more into the nuts and bolts. I’m going to try and not go on for too long with this because I wrote this earlier and fully made half of the essay me being defensive so be thankful I went back to make this part shorter.

First, to those saying “that’s it?” I would say, ‘yes’; but with the caveat that while its a simple answer, its also a simple problem (which I will get into more detail about later). To those saying “that won’t work,” I would say “based on what?” I feel the problem with that strain of preemptive defeatism, dismissiveness, and doomerism are a uniquely American-centric perspective that is focused only on our own experiences – and also, a very recent and limited view of them. All you need to do is look to the rest of the world to see instances where mass movements that refused to be silenced and maintained pressure accomplished the ousting of various dictators and autocrats (I picked relatively recent examples here, but you can look even further back). I know we’re all tired and demoralized and depressed (hence why I’m writing this), but all you need do is widen the aperture a bit and look beyond our shores to see that things are not as hopeless as they seem. That doesn’t mean that there are quick and easy solutions (something else I’ll get into – we’re in this for the long haul), but again, that doesn’t mean that we are powerless and that our actions mean nothing.

Ok, I got my defensive preemptive pushback on doomerism out of the way and I did it in two paragraphs instead of a page and a half. You’re welcome. So let’s actually get into the nuts and bolts.

Using the potential criticism of “that’s it?” as a starting off point, I will concede again that t his is a very simple approach. But, I would also assert that the activity that this approach is crafted to counter is actually fairly simple in its own right when you think about it. It makes sense that a relatively simple problem demands a relatively simple answer (note that just because the idea is simple doesn’t mean the execution will be quick or easy, but we’ll get to that).

Regardless of the approach or the medium through which they are attempting it, in the information sphere, the ultimate goal of an aggressor to is to silence criticism and to boost its own narratives and supporters. If aggressors can’t coerce or cajole you to their side, they’ll settle for getting you to shut up by whatever means are at their disposal – which is just as good to them; it doesn’t matter if they don’t actually have a lot of popular support at home or abroad, but as long as they can silence dissent and criticism and keep their narrative as the main one, they can just keep on doing what they’re doing.

This can take multiple different forms: drowning you out with torrents of useless, twisted, or outright false information, intimidating you through hostility and harassment, depressing you by making you feel weak and powerless and convincing you that there is absolutely nothing that can stop them (potentially giving you a genuine mental breakdown through their gaslighting), and mental and emotional exhaustion from some or all of what was previously described, just to name a few different methods. These methods may be utilized by the aggressors themselves, or through various allies, partners, and proxies – be they other states and organizations various individuals who are consciously or unconsciously boosting the aggressor’s narratives and attacking the aggressor’s detractors. But the end goal of all of these methods remains the same in every case, but in different guises: to shut you up. If the aggressor’s goal is that simple, it make sense that our response doesn’t need to be that complicated either: deny them their objective by simply refusing to be silenced and, in fact, continuously increasing that pressure.

If information is a domain in warfare, it is probably appropriate to think of your role in it not as a soldier in the army of a peer competitors in a high-end conventional fight. Rather, you should think of yourself as a fighter in an insurgent army, and as this information warfare as an insurgency or rebellion or an uprising rather than the information equivalent of a conventional war (at least not at this stage; we have a few more stages of Mao’s guide to get through first in this analogy). If you conceive of it that way, it can make your task seem even more daunting, but then it also can reveal the inherent advantages that we have in our approach and the challenges it creates for an aggressor trying to manage information.

The Cognitive Insurgency of Attrition

I’ve talked about insurgency and counter-insurgency in the physical domains of warfare before at great length, with my main takeaway being that counter-insurgency is almost always a losing game for whoever is acting as the COIN force. Unless they are prepared to make significant political concessions, they are likely to never win; the best they can ever hope for is to not lose – which will require constant fighting and expenditure of resources of all kinds, indefinitely (something that few countries, even reasonably prosperous and powerful ones, can hope to keep up).

Recalling that takeaway, your advantage and the disadvantage of the aggressor becomes clearer. When I said earlier that really all you have to do is not shut up, I really meant it, because as long as you and others refuse to be gaslit and continue to speak out against particular aggression and injustices, the aggressor is failing at the primary objective they have regarding you. As long as you exist and continue to act and speak out, they will continue to have to expend time and resources to try and counter you. The struggle with the aggressor becomes a battle of wills, and by simply continuing to exist and refusing to be silenced, you are wearing them down in a war of attrition. The more they are worn down, the more likely they are to make mistakes and to show more of their true colors, and the full extent of the horror becomes harder and harder for more and more actors (be they people, organizations, states, and etc.) to ignore and turn a blind eye to, and the pressure mounts to take actual action.

This whole approach and the idea of not shutting up and not giving up is closely tied to another idea, which is that “bullying works” (another thing I originally had in a section unto itself, for another peek behind the curtain, but decided it wasn’t dissimilar enough to separate out). As you refuse to be silenced and continue to speak out and apply pressure, one form of that pressure, is in effect, “bullying.” Basically, making sure that those who are either taking part in various acts of aggression or who are facilitating it or supporting indirectly won’t get a moments peace in their lives as long as they continue to do so. They need to be shown that people will not forget what’s going on and will not go away and will be reminding those who are carrying out out aggression or supporting it at every possible opportunity and be making their lives very difficult for as long as it takes and for as much as it takes until change for the better occurs. Remember kids: bullying by punching down (figuratively), is bad; but bullying by punching up (again, figuratively), is not only good, but necessary for a healthy society!

The inherent downside to this overall approach, of course, is that it is a long-term one. This is not a single battle, but a broader campaign in the wider war against aggression and authoritarianism and fascism. This in its own right may be discouraging to some, but also a bitter pill that must be swallowed. To be perfectly clear: this is not me saying that we shouldn’t bother trying to apply pressure and affect change on issues in the short term. To use our primary example of Gaza once more, we should absolutely be trying in the short term to bring more pressure to bear to bring about a lasting ceasefire and greater humanitarian relief and more in Palestine. However, we’d be deluding ourselves if we believed any action we take right now would suddenly and decisively end the occupation and fundamentally change the political status quo in Palestine in the short term.

As discouraging as this reality can be, it should not dissuade us from taking action, but compel us to gear up for the long fight. Much as the right is willing and able to do with its policy goals at home and abroad, we need to undertake more generational and multi-generational efforts to achieve our aims in all areas – especially when it comes to foreign policy and international relations. Like an actual insurgent force fighting an occupying army or authoritarian regime, we must take a long-term view. This long-term view may encompass short term surges and bursts of activity to achieve specific, tangible, secondary and tertiary goals (like a ceasefire, humanitarian aid, or what have you), but its primary goals and planning must be fundamentally protracted in nature.

Even if you understand, agree with, and accept the protracted nature of this approach, that doesn’t mean it can’t still be demoralizing in the short term. However, there are reasons to be optimistic, because if you look around you can see the signs that this approach is already bearing fruit. In the case of Gaza, you can see signs that the dedication to not “shutting up” about the plight of the Palestinian people on the receiving end of Israel’s military campaign in how the Israeli government and its supporters are either becoming more deranged in their defensiveness for their actions, with some Israeli government officials being increasingly mask off about their genocidal intentions towards Palestinians and their homes, as well as increasingly dismissive towards ideas such as the two-state solution – which governments like that of the United States continue to cling to. We also see this in the reaction of some states supportive of Israel, such as the United Kingdom, where now former-Home Secretary Suella Braverman labeled all pro-Palestinian protesters in the country as “hate marchers” (and was fired from her post not long after that).

In other cases, where governments and groups supporting Israel haven’t gone fully deranged, its becoming increasingly difficult for them to look the other way in the face of Israel’s mask-off violence and aggression. Even as US President Joe Biden continues to stand by Israel doggedly and assert its right to “defend itself”, the administration has internally squirmed at Israeli actions (as well as the potential for escalation). While the administration continues to fruitlessly try and have it both ways (which is fundamentally impossible and only wastes time as more civilians die), the fact that they’re even attempting to do that rather than continue to support Israel wholeheartedly shows that the pressure is mounting. This is born out by polls in the United States that show that support for Palestinians is rising. If aggressors and those running support for them are lashing out or are becoming more desperate in their attempts to control the narrative or silence opposition or even have a leg to stand on in their support, those are signs that the pressure that countless regular people are bringing to bear with their humanity is having an impact. Don’t give up now.

I am once again asking you not to give in to despair

We can’t stop everything going on in the world on our own as individuals, that’s true. And posting alone also won’t stop anything – that’s also true (as much as a lot of us wish it would – or convinced ourselves it will). But we are absolutely not powerless, and we must avoid falling into that trap, or the aggressors win right off the bat.

You are fighting in one particular campaign in a much wider war against aggression and fascism and authoritarianism the world over. There are other fronts that exist now and there will be more in the future – both physical, and virtual. But combat of various sorts (literal and figurative) will be required on all of them in order to achieve successes. It is a collective effort; we are are all in this together, in numerous different ways. To crib a line from the trade union anthem Solidarity Forever: “yet what force on earth is weaker than the feeble strength of one, but the union makes us strong.”

The broader struggle against fascism and aggression will be a long war, and all likelihood, it will likely never end in an absolute victory, and only be one in a series of wars and struggles to come (again, both figurative and literal). As I’ve always said in my writing, part of the reason I’m sure people like me will still have a job even in a better world is because there will always be authoritarian aggressors of some kind who can convince others to fight and die for them in service of their rancid ideology and hatred (hence why I say a “better world” and not a “perfect” one). But even if we there will always be another enemy around the corner in some shape or form, we can set ourselves up to be stronger, smarter, more united, more compassionate, and better prepared for the additional struggles and wars ahead.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that everything I just talked about isn’t exclusively for responding to acts of aggression abroad, but is perfectly applicable at home as well. The approach that I’ve laid out can be applied to fascist aggressors of the domestic political variety, just as much as they can be applied to aggressor states and groups overseas engaging in armed aggression. In the United States in particular, we face an ever increasing war from within. Even if the political crisis in the United States doesn’t escalate to the level of a full scale civil war (something that I certainly don’t want, that I imagine most sane people don’t want, and something we should all work to avoid), we still find ourselves in an American Years of Lead situation at bare minimum that will very likely only get worse as we approach the 2024 election. Again, we can see some promising signs that these approaches are actually working, from the progressive gains that have been made in recent off-year elections on matters such as abortion, legalization of marijuana, and other progressive causes – many of which have been in response to right-wing forces doubling down on their extreme positions in desperation as normal people increasingly point out and deride their “sicko” behavior and refuse to let it go unanswered.

However, as heartening as these victories are, polling shows that the 2024 election is looking increasingly fraught, and nothing should be taken for granted in the eleven months that remain before election day 2024 – especially as former-President Donald Trump has been perfectly blunt about what his plans are if he makes it back into the White House (to say nothing of the coterie of other sickos and chuds that he will put into positions of power in his administration if he wins). While far from the only tool at your disposal, the approach I have laid out previously for pushing back on the narratives of fascism, authoritarianism and aggression abroad may very well make a real difference in the rhetorical and political battles against those same insidious forces at home. Keep that in mind on the road to November 5th, 2024 (or, if you live outside the United States, to road to whatever political battles you have to face in the near future).

We live in particularly bleak times in general, there’s no arguing that. This current Age of Impunity we find ourselves in has no shortage of dictators, tyrants, and fascists who are eager to take advantage of global instability and shifting geopolitics to take things they’ve long coveted, settle scores and seek revenge, and carry out a laundry list of other heinous acts. But even in those acts of aggression, we can find hope. For example, in Myanmar, a diverse coalition of varied ethnic groups – spearheaded by young people – are pushing the fascist junta back on its heels in that country’s civil war. While their battle is far from over, the progress they’ve made in recent weeks since launching a new offensive against the junta has been remarkable. Wherever we can, we need to grab onto examples of maintaining persistence, applying pressure, and not giving up hope – whether its on literal battlefields, or political and ideological ones. We need to take the progress and victories where we can, to remind us why we’re doing any of this at all: because we believe a better world is not only possible, but necessary and inevitable. It is on that note, I leave you on this last essay of 2023. I’ll be back with another by mid-March at the absolute latest for the first essay of 2024 (God only knows what I’ll be writing about by then, but we’ll see where Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride takes us all). For those of you who are celebrating, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season, and also a Happy New Year to you all. Please, wherever and whenever you’re able, even while you all try to keep up the struggle, try to find some time to rest and be kind to yourself because we all need that. See you in 2024. Stay safe.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Spoiler for Jujutsu Kaisen

I'm sorry it's so long and looks like a vent post. I'm sorry for those of you who had great luck in avoiding Jujutsu Kaisen until now. With that, let me give some context before the assholery.

Jujutsu Kaisen has a breakout character, Gojo, he is unique, flawed, well written, well loved, overpowered, and the most misunderstood character in this series. He recently met his end in the most infuriating way possible. It was an unceremonious death, off screened, after the biggest most violent battle in the series. Before he was brutally offed with just meaningless exposition detailing how he was killed and him uncharacteristically justifying the death in an afterlife scene that's written to appease a large part of the fandom (shippers- he's gay coded, no waifu here). His death completely destroyed his legacy and the future of this manga.

Problem: This is a popular series with disproportionate numbers of haters, casual fans, fans who get their information from tiktok or fanworks instead of the manga, fans who did a surface level reading of it, opinionated fans who didn't read after a certain point but discuss every new chapter like they're experts, people who hate it because they compared it to their favorite series and Jujutsu Kaisen didn't go that way, people who harass the readers and wish bodily harm on the author for not conforming to FANON, the works.

Gojo was MIA for almost 3 years which made fanon takeover the fandom, when he came back the author was accused of mischaracterization and bad writing because he didn't match 3 years of fanon. Reiterating, I mean fanon not headcanon, the headcanons here are almost all fanon based too and you will get nasty anons if you say you dislike FANON or praise CANON but I believe in people's right to headcanon.

My relationship with this: I've been a fan since 2019, this character of Gojo resonated with me like no one did in my 20+ years in fandom, he is my specialest blorbo, his relationship with his best friend has moved me etc. I'm autistic and this is my special interest as well. Needless to say depression has hit me like a freight train.

MY problem: My friend of 7 years who's currently deeply into yuri and danmei, who shared many fandoms with me, has been through the thick and thins with me, has decided to make me an enemy. When the chapter came out he chatted with me sent his condolences. Then he in his own social medias started talking about how he knew it was going to be a bad series, how he's glad he quit after struggling through 50 chapters, made all the jokes in the world about this death, discussed every little thing he hated and mocked this with his other weeb friends who are like the people I mentioned in the Problem section, validated all their complaints based on their reading of the FANON. He has had many discussions with me about this manga and very rarely did he express any of this negativity.

My assholery: I got frustrated, it was like he wanted me to see how much he could hurt me. I messaged him saying, "Hey what are you saying here, that's not how this character is written. The chapter is bad but this criticism is baseless and in bad faith" He laughed it off, "It's not that deep, this is fiction." I argued that's a shallow thing to say, he said it should have been like FANON since that makes more sense. I said that's conventional writing I thought we wanted different things than the same old nice characters in found family and such.

Then I said something about his favorites and hypocrisy, he said he's not so into it that he couldn't take criticism. I said that was a lie he's always writing essays about those characters. I also said criticize it for the right reasons damn it. He kept denying his own love for his fave so he could keep criticizing mine, because he at least had the sense to not fall for a shounen series. I asked if he was enjoying hurting me. He said are you for real, get a grip and stop justifying your behavior for fiction, they won't giving you cookies for defending them, if you can't bear to see negativity then feel free to mute or block. I snapped and said this is why no one likes casual fans, you can't keep your mouth shut about things you don't know. Have fun with being a two faced friend to everyone. Then I blocked him everywhere.

Some of my friends said I should have muted him long ago, I said this was inevitable if he was just going to validate everyone in vicinity, he had to pick a side. Others said I was right to tell him off. I regret some of the comments I made now.

AITA for the way I handled it? He is right, I could have muted him, I could have not spent my time doomscrolling and seeing all the bad takes he agreed with. I could have waited it out and not dropped an old friend over fiction. I could have done many things.

Please don't comment about touching grass, that's the least helpful thing anyone can say on blorbo the website. It's not a real advice we all know that. Therapy is also there for the depression and it will take years for me to get over the death, you don't need to remind me.

What are these acronyms?

[cookieblobber]

The Defense of Steven Universe’s (OG Show) Ending

(This is basically a post where I put everything I said in a large Twitter thread so it’s more easily readable, with maybe a few changes and additions.

Spoilers BTW)

So I’ve been drawing a lot of stuff lately and in doing so, I’ve been rewatching a lot of old shows I used to watch and finishing whatever I missed out on. Steven Universe was an interesting one, as I recall having some form of obsession with it as a kid on Google+, however I barely remembered watching a lot of it or if I even watched it on TV or on websites like Kisscartoon. And after doing so,

I barely see the hate for it that it’s gotten for years.

It has its flaws, and issues that have plagued the show outside of what’s within it, but it’s no doubt memorable with a great cast of characters and very unique and fascinating lore and story telling. Now, I don’t wanna really get into a whole deep dive review on the whole show, as even though I’ve made a couple of essays lately (mainly on Sonic the Hedgehog), I don’t think I’m that experienced to go over an entire 5 seasons explaining each and every episode’s strengths and weaknesses and allat (though maybe I might discuss the amazing character development of each crystal gem in the future, who knows?), rather I want to discuss something that is partially why I started watching this show again: The Ending - Change Your Mind (S5E29).

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Now, the ending is understandably mixed, I understand the critiques of it being weird and anticlimactic and all and how it doesn’t feel like the diamonds’ actions on gem history was fully acknowledged and been punished for it. I completely get the criticism here and I don’t want to drive away people from making actual critiques on the show and where it could’ve improved upon.

What I mainly want to focus on is the notion that the ending can be summed up to, “Steven forgave Gem Hitler”

That is very incorrect.

See, the whole reason why White Diamond (the “Gem Hitler”) was involved with the story was because after Steven was able to prove to Blue and Yellow Diamond that he’s Pink Diamond, he takes the opportunity to use their stronger powers to restore one of the corrupted gems (Centipede). This works…for a moment, as they’re only restored once all 3 put their healing powers to use, but upon letting go of the gem, they reform back into their corrupted version. With Steven technically being part of the Diamond Authroity, he thinks maybe he can take advantage of his position to be able to speak to White Diamond, the highest gem in the patriarchy, and convince her to come to Earth to help the corrupted gems.

Throughout these last episodes, it’s clear this is all for a demand to help gems that were stuck on Earth. While Steven wanted to just try and talk to White, and convinced Blue and Yellow to express how they feel about how White has handled their civilization, there’s never a point where he’s all like “look inside your heart, please you have so much good in you I can feel it” or whatever. Considering how he had to fuse with the Crystal Gems and team up with others who showed up to be able to fight her mech and barely reach to the top of it to meet her, this whole plan wasn’t really as pacifist as many have made it out to be.

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Sorry to stray off a little but, funny thing is, as much as people make fun of Steven Universe for being a show where characters just talk their feelings out and suddenly everything is good, they acknowledge in one of the episodes that not every gem has this deep trauma or pain they try to hold in.

In the episode, “Stuck Together” he and Lars get caught by Aquamarine and Topaz, they both open up to each other about how no matter what happens, they got each other. This leads Topaz who throughout her introduction has been mute and serious and who has them held hostage, to start crying and vent about how much emotional pain she’s been holding in so much because it’s her job. When Aquamarine finds out she’s trying to help them escape, they desperately start trying to convince her that she’s allowed to open up about whatever she feels, that they’re here to listen and talk.

This is was her reaction.

And I have yet to watch Future right now, but from what I’m reading, even after a lot has changed since the original show and tons of gems live peacefully with Beach City, she shows up again to get her revenge.

At no point is she ever redeemed in any way.

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Anyways, the only reason why Steven was able to convince White to do something to corrupted gems on Earth was because he bested her and she couldn’t do anything about it.

Her whole ordeal was how she wants to have this flawless world where nothing goes out of line, even if it means having to mind control them so they act just like her. She views herself as being the perfect gem of all time who knows what’s best for everyone. However, due to how she’s acted with Steven, being an adult gem constantly picking on a literal child because she refuses to accept he’s not Pink Diamond or is part human; how it’s all just a disguise and Pink Diamond is just lying to herself, she’s embarrassed and realizes she indeed does have a flaw. She’s shaken up with guilt over how petty and childish she’s been acting, being exactly what she’s been criticizing Pink Diamond, to the point where she questions who she is. If she’s not this flawless perfect gem who knows what’s best, then what is she? What should she be since throughout her whole life she’s been obsessed with perfection? She can’t be leader of a whole gem civilization trying to make everyone flawless if she herself is flawed. What further solidified it was how she was unable to control Pink Steven no matter how much she tried, and once she started blushing and feeling embarrassed, she lost control on the other gems she had brainwashed. Blue and Yellow even react in disgust/fear seeing her become “off-color” due to her blush, basically for a moment them losing respect for her.

Steven goes up to her and tries to tell her to just, let people be who they are, without trying to “fix” them, and maybe she can be whoever she wants to be. White is still in distraught, wanting to be someone who knows better, be better, and wanting to make everything better, which Steven offers her a way to do so (which is coming to Earth to help the corrupted gems), but first needing to leave your own head - literally and figuratively.

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At no point throughout the ending is White crying about trauma or begging for forgiveness to Steven and having him go “it’s ok we all make mistakes 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰”, all that happens is Steven sees her essentially having an identity crisis now that she cracked and realized she isn’t as perfect as she thought she was, and being the good natured kid he is, offers to show her how she can be a better person, taking the opportunity to make her do what he set out to demand from her. To say they should’ve shattered her would’ve defeated the whole point as to why Steven even went back to Homeworld to begin with, cuz he needed White’s help. Plus, still haven’t watched Future but,

There is a scene where Steven actually attempts to SHATTER White Diamond upon taking control of her body for everything she has done to him, he CLEARLY doesn’t find her to be in the clear of everything she’s done.

TL;DR They can’t just shatter her cuz she’s the big bad villain, the whole point of the final episodes was Steven needing her in order to restore all the corrupted gems they’ve saved throughout the show. No matter what it took, he was going to find a way to do it. While I do agree that there could’ve been better acknowledgment on everything that she’s done to Homeworld and all, same goes for Blue and Yellow, as they’re immediately relegated to out of touch aunts, to make the massive stretch that this is supposed to be Steven forgiving Hitler or proof that Rebecca Sugar (a Jewish person) is a Nazi apologist…come on bro.

EDIT: I really recommend btw watching this video I recently just viewed discussing the show’s ending and really diving in about the topic of Steven’s identity and White’s identity. It’s informative summarizing a lot of what’s been hinted at and led up to the final episode and goes over stuff I could never even attempt to bring to light with how amateurish I am at this sorta junk 💀

And even if with everything being said, you still believe in the notion that “Steven forgave Gen Hitler” or whatever, I’m about to bring up an argument so earth shattering that it will make you re-evaluate everything you know about the show. So, here it goes:

IT’S A FUCKING PG CARTOON SHOW

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Listen, I know it’s very cliche to use the, “it’s a kids show it’s not that deep!!” argument or whatever idiots say to avoid people from discussing further about their favorite things, especially in an era where many are pushing the “Animation is Cinema” phrase and proving its not just kiddie shit only babies like, but what I mean is

At what point is it crossing the line when making comparisons from a thing in fiction to something in real life?

What makes a great story is how it’s able to draw connections to realistic issues or problems many face with unique metaphors and analogies and all of that, Steven Universe is no different. However, at what point are the metaphors or references to real life supposed to stop? At what point does it become stretching really hard? I can understand how people have had ideas that “fusion is a metaphor for sex” or whatever to some degree.

But going as far as to compare this obviously over the top dictator to the world’s worst man to have ever lived on planet earth who is responsible for the death of millions just because he so happens to also be a dictator, doesn’t that seem so…psychotic to even try to relate when it’s obvious that was never the intention? I mean look at this whole world of the show, it’s a futuristic jewelry space civilization filled with advanced technology and bright colors, how do you look at all of this and first thing that comes to mind is Nazi Germany? How do you look at a giant voluptuous white woman who’s existed for millenniums and think “yea that’s Hitler right there”, all because she’s simply a textbook definition of a dictator?

Trying to make her whole country this flawless world where no one goes out of line and disallows any form of diversity? Like any typical villain? Is that really all it takes to be considered as “animated Hitler”?

Does that mean the abandoned flawed gems in the abandoned Kindergarten that Steven and Lars met at the very bottom of Homeworld are supposed to be a reference to Anne Frank’s family hiding from nazis? One would say that’s a massive stretch to make and they’d be right, cuz it is…just like what people say about White Diamond.

These kinds of massive stretches and comparisons have been made in the past constantly, and for what? To gang up on a show that just wanted to teach kids the values of showing love and positivity, being there for your friends and families and trying to accept people’s flaws or differences in how they live? To make excuses to be blatantly anti-semetic towards the Jewish person who created this show? All because over shit like the fanbase was infamous at one point for how they treated each other and the show producers or because the ending wasn’t how many wanted it to be or how it debatably pushes the idea of positivity way too much in places where it shouldn’t try to?

At what point do people who criticize this show for it’s apparent farfetched ideologies of being kind to everyone, start sounding farfetched themselves for making these insane leaps in logic to make a blatantly slanderous argument and label on the show? If something like “White Diamond is supposed to be Gem Hitler” is something many easily gave into believing, what kind of fucked up comparisons would people make next about the entirety of Homeworld or gems as a species till these start to sound like psychotic conspiracy theories?

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Steven Universe is no doubt a flawed show, I won’t deny that, will never deny that. As much as I defend the ending and go against how people have slandered the show, I can admit stuff could’ve been done better. However, like I’ve said at the beginning, I fail to see how all the hate the show’s gotten for years has ever been deserved or warrented. It’s clear that even with its flaws in storytelling, pacing, (sometimes animation), there is still so much to love about this show. It’s characters, it’s music, it’s themes, it’s lore, etc. There’s good reason as to why people love and still fondly remember it and consider it to be just as important as the other shows that brought in this renaissance era for Cartoon Network (Gumball, Regular Show, and Adventure Time).

After all, just like what the ending taught people, things aren’t always going to be perfect, and that’s ok. Flaws make things what they are, and unless said flaws actively have negative effects on things, there’s no reason to fight against them so excruciatingly. We may strive hard for perfection and flawlessness, to be considered perfect or for a thing we like to be considered perfect, but at some point, trying to do so much just to achieve said perfection will down the road start to become an issue and affect ourselves and the ones around us, the ones we love.

When you think about it, a lot of what has happened within the fanbase and the critics of the show mimic similar attitude to White Diamond. This want for perfection, for nothing to be going out of line, but all it’s done is damage the show’s reputation to many.

Fans on here long ago harassing an artist for the way they drew one of the characters of the show as she wasn’t in this “perfect” body shape they wanted her in. Or harassing producers of the show for how they’d handle things like (iirc) Lapis and Peridot’s “relationship” because it didn’t match their “perfect” connection between the two, and more.

On the other side, critics like the infamous Lily Orchard blasting the show for not being this “perfectly” told story and going out of her way to make these insane comparisons to have some leverage in this giant attack on the show and what it stands for.

These wild and out of pocket attempts to make everything perfect for the show, and what has it done? It heavily soured how people view the show, making people want to stay away from getting into it as from the POV of the outside looking in, it’s a whole rabbit hole they probably shouldn’t get into…for their sake of their mental health. This mindset to be caught up in selfish outlandish views of what’s deemed as being perfect has only made things worse for everyone on every side of discussion on this show. And while as of lately things seem to be recovering, as more people are giving the show a second chance and realizing how messed up people like Lily Orchard were, still the effects of what happened back in the mid-late 2010s are noticeable in some areas.

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If it gets to a point where we’re fighting a flaw that barely affects anyone, is it really a flaw that is that important or even a flaw at all to begin with? We can strive to be better people and learn from mistakes, but a perfect person who can do no wrong is just impossible.

Flaws are what help make everything feel unique in it’s own right. That’s not to say some flaws can’t be acknowledged and called out, but as for flaws that sum up to “someone/something is different from what I expected”, it seems over the top to go so hard to fight against it, as we’d be fighting against having diversity among each and every one of us.

If every pork-chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.

[onesunofagun]

You know, I'm going to put a thought down because I'm thinking about this again because of the post earlier.

It might be a vent? I think it's more just me trying to describe a feeling so it's outside me and I can look at it.

I've seen a lotta discourse and a lot of theories and different takes out there. There's always gonna be some stuff that's frustrating because it's something Sus being widely normalised, but generally speaking, I think the varied perspective and ideas are always good thing in a fandom.

I've seen all sorts of ideas be explored-- in fics, in doujins and art, in roleplay, in lore essays-- over the years. I like to think I have a pretty good map on the fandoms I've been online and present in since the early 00s. I can usually remember context about how certain stuff came about, like what tropes or ideas got popular when and how, whether through shipping or fanon or mangas or general knowledge about the development process.

When you've been in a fandom a long time-- especially if you have made a lot of contributions to it, at any point-- sometimes you even have a part in shaping certain idea flows within it, yourself.

So I have had the chance to see and contribute to a lot of conversations that have happened over and over and over again, in a kind of generational way. I have seen certain discussions from old forums, translate to fics. I've seen them pop up on tumblr, then tumble to Reddit, then YouTube. I have watched the spread through the general sphere of things, get added to and turned over and re-examined.

For the record: I love watching that process, and I like being part of that process! Mentally tracking the grandfathered in fandom history has also become its own kinda hobby for me.

I've always found it interesting mapping where new fans come in, seeing how they orient themselves and what they pick up-- how and why and what they do with it, whether I appreciate it or not (I highlight biases that are related to harmful ideas when I see them to illuminate them).

Seeing certain concepts be repeatedly rediscovered and watching how certain waves of fans digest them is fascinating. Sometimes with surprising results, sometimes with disappointing results, but it's fascinating either way. That's kind of part of the appeal having been here so long and why I came back into (mild) activity-- I get to study and dissect the fandom behaviours as well.

But despite all of that, I've found I don't really appreciate a good number of the popular YouTubers who focus on Zelda as their channel topic.

I think I've developed a bit of a distaste for a few of them in particular, actually--the big number Zeldatuber channels. Mostly the ones that seem to be the theorycrafters that kinda followed on from a MatPat style format. All of my love to well researched videos analysing the themes and meta, and all the silly boundary breaks and speedruns, mind. But I found I got really disillusioned with the handful of channels that rose to prominence and how their content shifted with that growth.

With the potential to monetise their discussions and discords worth of people and patrons driving this kinda content, I do think a lot about things that have been discussed in the fandom in the past that get taken up and regurgitated as part of that grind. I have lost track of how many videos that have come out of a few big Zeldatubers of this vein gave me a really weird slimy feeling and I am trying to work out what it is.

I'm not super invested in watching much of Zeldatube at large, mostly because I've seen most popular subjects covered in many variations. I'm a lot more personally interested in analysis, rather than theorycraft, so take it with a grain of salt that I may have a bias too (The popular Zonai fixation really doesn't interest me at all, and Zeldatube burnt out on that hard).

A lot of the channels like this seem to present their stuff like it is brand new and never been seen before, and like it's a great achievement in sleuthing or that they've cracked a code-- but not in a fun feeling way. Not in an exciting personal discovery way, but in a way that feels like it's propping up an exclusivity around that channel, and its validity as a leading authority on Zeldadom. There's something vaguely newsfeed-like, or sensationalist about it to me, with tight knit associations to other big channels making the same type of content (and about the same types of subjects as far as I ever noticed, and widely overlapping perspectives).

I wonder if that's a cynical feeling that I have where I'm just being an old man yelling at clouds, but there's really something that rubs me wrong about the handful of top channels like this. Something about the way they generate and present, and potentially profit from, often long running fandom concepts and otherwise freely shared ideas that have had many contributions feels off.

Maybe it's also me struggling to understand the closed off nature of how a lot of people just absorb the series secondhand now, and how normal it is to have the most popular Zeldatube channels setting the tones and assumptions around lore for large swatches of the newer fans. And not because old guard gatekeeping, but because there's an obvious chasm there between new and old fans of the same media that now exists that's seemingly getting wider.

I do sometimes worry about the trend of recycled old fanon staples presented as brand new takes, because of that-- or worse, sold as the definitive take, especially when a lot of people do just accept them and then go off and start arguments because 'big Zeldatube said so' and they must know best.

Sometimes I wonder if the trend is actually adding to issues with consumption vs engagement, in terms of media literacy and fandom interaction. There's certainly some theories, because of these channels, widely taken as a kind of gospel from the 'zelda experts' like the discussion is already closed; mystery solved. I've legit seen smaller youtubers be accused of stealing or copying theories from the larger channels, when making detailed and well researched videos about canon lore. I have had multiple interactions with fans who just link to a popular video and be like 'here watch this, it'll explain it' like they can't even be bothered to have their own take, but they're also not interested in yours.

The way big Zeldatube presents itself and gets consumed at large, though, I guess I just don't recognise that as the same as seeing a new fan have a joyful discovery of something from their own interactions with the franchise and fandom. I realise that the channel runners are fans themselves, but I suppose I mean that the platform feels more like a degree of professional separation that's very closed. It's become 'Zelda is my job now' thing that's focused on interest trends and news.

Something something, decades of fandom interaction and discussion and archiving getting scraped and haphazardly slapped together again for the content grind because clout and profit??

That feels mean to say but--

"Like and subscribe and join my patreon for more content, often mined from various thoughts around the fandom to make up a new video to schedule" is how it often tastes to me and that's not a flavour I enjoy.

Again, by all means, not applicable to the whole of Zeldatube or many fans who do watch the big channels. But this kinda thing does feel like a pervasive and popular part of the theorycrafter channels. Commodification of theory, and exploitative platforms built off a community's back, leave a lot of the big Zeldatubers without my support or endearment. I feel incredibly conflicted about them.

Is that anything?

[cboffshore]

Hey there - I'm Lila!

If you're seeing this, it could mean any of the following: you're already a mutual, you like Ninjago, you really like Ninjago's infamous (ha!) sixth season Skybound, or you know me from something else entirely. Or it's none of those and you've just taken a super wrong turn. No matter what - I'm glad you're here!

Join me under the cut for a more detailed look at my account, or just venture off on your own - the choice is yours.

WHO I AM & WHERE TO FIND ME

You can call me Lila! I've been around the Ninjago fandom since 2011 under a whole bunch of different names and accounts, with all the bizarre stories and memories to show for it. Now, though, you can find me under one of two handles: @cboffshore (here and on Twitter, where I'm not as active as I used to be) or OffshoreWriter over on AO3.

My title as Skybound Analysis PhD holder was born from a joke (initially given to me when I overanalyzed Skybound's color scheme and then Flintlocke's development in a Discord server) but grew into, well, not a joke; I take Skybound about as seriously as someone can take a toy commercial cartoon. Through all of my years in the Ninjago fandom, I've never seen a season as misunderstood and contentious as Skybound. Unfortunately, I happen to like it a lot for what it is, and I'm willing to defend it very hard (but don't get me wrong, I know it's got flaws! I'm not completely nuts!). Read this ask for a detailed overview of my position on Skybound analysis.

Outside of Ninjago overanalysis, I'm into a few other things: crocheting, the occasional piece of digital art, music (special faves include I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME, Fall Out Boy, and My Chemical Romance), and Bionicle (but only on a casual "wow cool vibes and killer writing" basis because that timeline does NOT make sense to me.).

SOME STUFF I DO

The best way to get into my work is just to explore all the nooks and crannies of my blog, but for those of you in a rush, here are links to some of my favorite projects:

On Sea, Sunlight, and Sky, aka OSSAS, is what I'd consider the crown jewel of my AO3 catalog: a Nya-centric series diving into her experience during the last few episodes of Skybound. Updated every December until I decide to lay her to rest (which, by the looks of it, will be the 2024 installment), this is my longest-term project that exemplifies how I approach Skybound as a season. If you only check out one corner of my work, make it OSSAS. You can find all things OSSAS under #ossas tag here on my blog (newcomers beware of spoilers!)

Yours To Keep: Rethinking Skybound Through Fashion is an older project of mine that blends fashion design and Nadakhan character analysis. As in, I drew a trio of banger outfits and then wrote essays about what all their details meant. Trust me on this, it's a cool one! (This is a holdover from when my fandom involvement was almost exclusively Ninjago character analysis-based couture fashion art... you can thank Giles Panton for that.)

Sorrow is All The Rage: An Analysis of Sexual Assault in Jay-Centric Skybound Fanfiction is a two (technically, three) part essay detailing my attempts to come to terms with the (frankly rather concerning) trend of gratuitous SA inclusion in a surprising swath of popular Skybound fanfiction. (Spoiler alert: I still think it's weird as hell and I haven't come to terms with it... but I have gotten way better at using the block button to keep it out of my line of sight.) The link in the title will take you to part one; part two is linked at the end, and part three's mini update is lurking somewhere in those tags. Please note: this essay is not an attack, or a condemnation, although it may come across that way at times. This was written largely as a vent piece about an issue that has disturbed me deeply and affected how I go about interpreting Skybound, and that definitely impacted my tone. If you'd like to reference this for any reason, or if you have any questions, please shoot me an ask or DM.

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi lovely!

I come from grandparents who are illiterate and my uncles, aunts and mom have degrees and went to college but they still have issues with using large vocabulary and understanding things in a larger context. Idk how to explain it. But it’s like they’re only saying what they know and misuse words. I find myself doing that too and didn’t realize it til I was corrected by a college professor in front of the whole class and it was embarrassingggg.

For me it’s worse, because my cousins have this issue too and they’re all in school but my parent had a stroke and I’m always around them and their words are slurred and they use to wrong words and I pick up on that habit because I help take care of them.

One day I want to do public speaking- debate club - stuff like that. I want to be in leadership but i feel held back or not good enough or knowledgeable enough even though I study hard, and speak to different people when I can.

Even though I read and listen to educational stuff on YouTube from different views, I still have the habits my family does.

What should I do be better with my words, mindset, and stuff like that? Thank u so much :)



Hi love! It sounds like you're going through a lot with your family, so sending love <3

To improve your vocabulary, communication, verbal delivery, and public speaking skills, I would suggest:

Read. A lot. Try reading articles/essays from well-written publications (The New Yorker and The Atlantic immediately come to mind), and books & essays from classic and contemporary authors across cultures to diversify your lexicon & expand your worldview.

Listen to TED Talks. Also, programs like Toastmasters are supposed to be great for public speaking.

Practice talking to yourself in the mirror. Give yourself a pep talk or have a self-debate with yourself in the mirror when alone.

Write journal entries that mimic thesis statements. Vent like you're writing an informal essay. Then, take some time away from the page and revise it into a logical string of thoughts/arguments to prove why or why your decision made sense, was the most helpful, etc. for a more minor situation that occurred throughout a random day (let's just say why you made a certain lunch or time you decided to shower – nothing emotionally-charged or heavy on the mind/soul).

Free write to expand on your strongest or most unpopular opinions. You can learn how to justify/craft a compelling argument with no one trying to interject when you speak while always having the final say.

Hope this helps xx

[katyspersonal]

i hate to be that guy but i wish there were more bb fics that were less smut and more lore bc for such a rich story there is mostly just nsfw stuff in the ao3 tag lol. but no offense if ppl like that..

Your feelings are valid, anon!

Like, yeah, it is one of those 'kinda petty gripe' moments I was talking about! People are completely valid to spend their time and effort on what makes them (and often their mutuals and fans) happy! Yet at the same time, I am myself a huge fucking NERD about timeline, concepts, worldbuilding, messages, philosophy, specifics of factions and covenants, systems of 'magic' and science within the lore and all that, and if presented with a choice between the hottest fanfic for my OTP or an oddly detailed fictional research paper on something complex that went within the lore, I'd not even hesitate to pick the latter xd

There ARE many things to think about in BB, yes! My personal favorite to dissect were how Kin works and headanons about Great Ones (ALL of them). I have not found a cool way to put my BB worldbuilding dissections into a fic, tho... :') Me and @val-of-the-north also dream of writing a large prequel of Pthumerians history with what predated dungeons and some known characters. But we are more visual artists than writers. Sigh!

I could offer an advice for the situation when you have a gripe with something that is most popular in a fandom, and wish people did more interesting stuff:

1) Have a tiny group of people who are bitter about the same thing (can also be conveniently put in a Discord chat)! It is extremely therapeutic to have a few friends with whom you can be haters together, so you vent it all out and go to the 'public' fandom all happy and cheerful, not carrying this negativity to the open internet where people that love [a thing] can see it. I mean- I do have a group like this! Our most frequient petty haters sessions are pouting at the fact that this or that character only gets remembered as part of a ship and not as their own person xd Feeling heard in a small group where your words can't hurt anyone, nor anyone will guilt you for being "entitled" is just. good.

2) Create the stuff you would like to see more of (drawings, fanfics, essays, theories, headcanons, memes prompting an idea in a subtle way even), or encourage people to think more about this stuff (prompting discussions, buying art/fic commissions, doing trades (art for fic, for example), catching a person that accepts requests and spending yours on what you'd like to see more of, sending people asks that could trigger to develop something about lore etc). Really mind the latter, though! Like... trust me dude, even if you can't draw or write, nor have enough money for commissions, you can still cause pretty tangible influence on creativity! If you just say right things at the right time to the right people. Heck- I more or less got some skill at inspiring people creatively <:3 Like... I prompt a person to think of this or that theme or character, and before I know it they already developed something because of that discussion? (not tryna boast xd) Or another good example is @heraldofcrow who mastered the skill of prompting discussions about Bloody Crow sooooo well that people keep becoming his fans because of her, and some are even drawing him thanks to her! I constantly see people creating more content of the boy thanks to her, and all she did was simply talking to them! xD A gripe at a character, theme, concept etc not being popular enough can cause GREAT things to happen and you can become people's MUSE! 😎

_______________

Hmmmm I think that's it! Basically? You probably have more charisma to inspire writers (including to fiddle with lore) than you are aware of. They need readers, AND they need ideas. You will figure this out! ...or even write a killer fanfic yourself.

[uselessdancedata]

Ever need to scream into the void? Share Sunday submission form. Need to rant about someone? Share Sunday submission form. Need to vent? Share Sunday submission form. Wanna write about your latest interest? Share Sunday submission form. Do you have a very large English essay that you think someone needs to read? Share Sunday submission form. Need to practise writing words from language your learning? Share Sunday submission form. Just wanna talk? Share Sunday submission form. Wanna practise creative writing? Share Sunday submission form.

Get it girlies!! EQW wants to hear it all!!👏👏👏

yea guys didn't you hear that eqw is everyone's new agony aunt !!!!!

[system-of-a-feather]

System of a Feather Crack Moment #4589:

I thought it would be a good idea to make a self love post and depiction of how all parts are imperfect yet play huge roles that help the system be stable and balance out and how that is honestly just really important to appreciate that and all

And I thought it would be a fun idea to just go down and insulting and roasting and venting about only all the horrible things about each specific part before explaining the number one reason why they are useful

And of course I was gonna do it myself but XIV was like "wait are we venting about why everyone around us is annoying can i can i can i" and I was like OK yeah you would do that part better so let me do that part for you then you can go off

But then after passing it over XIV went "Hey Riku, I think I'm loosing the point now that I'm three paragraphs into grilling how fucking stupid and annoying you are and all the reasons I hate you and I don't think this is half as productive as you were hoping"

And we both decided to scrap the idea but saving it in a draft resulting a draft that just has me and XIV writing mini essays on why we hate each other and why each other are fucking horrible and the worst part to have in a system

Ironically, a large theme in both of our bitches about eachother is

*points at the other* "THEY'RE AN EGOTISTICAL MANIAC THAT THINKS THEY'RE PERFECT AND ALWAYS RIGHT WHEN THEY REALLY JUST FUCKING STUPID."

Anyways, glad to see the two of us - even as some of the closest parts and with the intense unconditional platonic love we have for each other - have never out grown our Cain-Abel syndrome and still absolutely deeply hate each other (even if that hate is a love language)

[plzu]

i'm on track to finish part 6 of large iced americano today, but first i gotta vent about how this chapter lulled me into a false sense of security and confidence 🙃

so! once i got that miguel fic out of my system, i continued using StimuWrite for part 6 of the vigi x barista fic and got about 3k words written fairly quickly! (honestly i'm amazed by how well that program actually works in getting me to write more, and quickly).

it made me so confident that i would be done before july was over that i actually took a step back and gave myself a break for a day or two, super sure that editing the fic and adding the final scene would be a breeze.

(it was not, in fact, a breeze)

by the time i sat down to re-read what i wrote and edit, i was like "wow. this sucks! this isn't fun at all!" and would go to bed several nights in a row upset at how boring this chapter ended up being, worried i had to re-write or scrap whole parts. just this week i was ready to hop on here and beg for a beta reader for the first time in my life to see if anyone had any suggestions for how to improve the chapter.

the only thing that stopped me was that, somehow, pieces started falling together (as it... usually does. but why does it have to suck so much before getting to that point!?) and i ended up making this chapter even longer than i thought i'd originally intended ♡

the problem was that this is the first time i wrote with the intention of editing later. i've never been a patient enough person to go back and edit something, i've always just gotten stuck (even with essays for school!) until i could come up with sentences i really liked. i was obsessed with the idea that it needed to sound good right away, first try.

but i really want to practice being a better writer, and that means... having the patience and the will to edit, which is where all the real good stuff is supposed to come together! hopefully this gets easier in my journey of becoming not just better, but faster too. i want to be able to pump out updates in shorter periods of time instead of agonizing over a single chapter for over a month.

if you're still reading this and are here for/because of this fic... just. thank you for your patience. thank you for sticking around. vigi fans are the best tbh :')

[llondonfog]

fic writer asks!!! 🌈 🎀 💝 🍭 💎 ☯️ (i got. a bit excited ahfbsjfn)

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

the upcoming zine fic my god i just wanted it to be so perfect because this was my first time committing to a word limit way above what i normally write, and it would be illustrated by someone i really admire— i really agonized over every word of that fic and kept deleting pages of it because i doubted it so much lol overall though, if i'm struggling with a prompt, i'll just delete large portions of it and rewrite entirely, if not from scratch until the flow finally kicks in and the words start to piece back together

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

there are quite a few that i wrote as throwaways that spiked in notes which left me thoroughly bemused, but i have to say it's the potion!au one!!! that was a completely isolated prompt that i didn't expect to touch again after the twstober writing event, and i STILL get asks on it today!! it blows my mind how that resonated with so many of you- it wasn't one i was intending to world-build or even write more about, so i'm really happy that i've had the chance to explore it with everyone<3

🍭why did you start writing?

this is so lame, but i honestly can't recall. i've just always loved stories and i've always enjoyed writing/essay prompts for school when i was younger- pretty much all of my english classes would have us free-write for about 10 min of the period starting from when i was in 3rd grade, and that definitely fostered my joy for exploring new prompts and ideas. i think i was around 13 yro when i discovered fanfics, and that opened an entire new world where i learned that if i didn't like a scene in a book or how characters interacted.....i could just rewrite it and that completely blew my mind lol

💎why is writing important to you?

funnily enough, most of my writing could be considered vent pieces. i write to purge my emotions (positive and negative), and to validate for myself that i can still weave a story after abandoning the practice for a few years. it's a way of expression, and i enjoy having a partner along for the ride to grow with and from as we explore ideas together

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

i personally think the positive engagement outweighs the negative- i love being able share work from the community and go wild with praise in the tags, i think that everyone deserves to hear how their artwork/story/post touched their audience. in that same way, it's how we all get to trade ideas and build off each other's premises that gets fed back into the community until they take on lives of their own. it's amazing to see what a thriving fandom can create when there's so much affection for the content and those creating, it's something i've not been a part of before when most of the fandoms i've joined have been dead ones lol

i can't say that i have social anxiety, but i am a highly forgetful person when it comes to engagement ; A ; i'll see that someone reblogged my stuff or left a message with a highly insightful and sweet comment, and i'll get all excited to respond to them later.......and then later turns into several days because it completely slipped my mind and it's too late to acknowledge it now ; A ; im really bad at that, i can only keep a conversation up with like two people online before i get completely overwhelmed and neglect everything else ailfjiafd

[carpedzem]

Wait I am an idiot with Punz brain so I thought P meant Punz and we were talking about when he brought up q’s merch oops… I forgot P could also be for Phil welp…

Either way yea idk and like I saw someone kinda defending the DSMP talking about how it didn’t have admins and was just friends hanging out and then someone replied to them saying something about if the DSMP was only a few months that would be fine but it wasn’t it was for years so they could’ve gotten admins and fixed things

But the thing is it wasn’t meant to be like that so it was never gonna become that it was never gonna become a fancy well polished server with admins to go to when things went wrong it was always meant to be a server for friends to hang with it and have fun

So it doesn’t make since to complain saying since it lasted for years they could’ve gotten admins when clearly that was never the goal or purpose at all

And Phil being like “if I ever got responses” and I just know people are gonna run with that but hello we never know who he’s talking about there was dozens of people on there but we know who everyone is gonna assume it’s about 🙃

Anyways sorry for my confusion lmao

this is true and also its not a coincidence that dsmp started dying both by the end of covid and when the lore discourse got the worst (and obv techno). i could write essays with how demotivated dteam was in that moment, constantly hated, with no visa in sign, with every move being watched and criticized.a nd yes they didnt have a large team behind dsmp. its all obvious for every person with two brain cells but clearly not everyone has that much!!

im not going to talk about it more bc its pointless we dont need more negativity i just wanted to vent for a moment and i think its a little funny that he tries to suck a dick of a man that is shipped with his internet son.

also please no, no punz, i cant take more divorces in this friends group 😭😭😭