#lacks some stuff and too much of useless pieces haha....

[huginsmemory]

Hi i just wanna say i have read and loved your analysis for trigun/tristamp/vash/wolfwood etc! I came scross with them when i finished tristamp and slowly was reading the manga however i felt a very weird feeling when s1 ended and tried to see if it was only me or there were more out there. I am sorry if this comes out of nowhere its just that i have no one to talk about this :/// and the few people who watched tristamp they have not read the manga or care as much.

I love tristamp very much as a product, i think they did marvellous but the one aspect that made me just not be completely insane is how much they have changed the relationships. I feel the way they upped Knives and Vash and seems completely sided other characters felt like a disservice when i think about it, almost like fanfiction. I feel weird thinking about it this way because i do think and i have seen how much love and passion they put into the project but i just feel at this point s2 wont be able to set up the other relationships anymore.

The one i am the most sad about is Vashwood, shipping aside i feel their relationship is as detrimental to Trigun as Vash and Knives. And it just feel tristamp wrote themselves into a corner with them. And to be honest too, i just feel WW entire arc will be different now, so a whole diff character. It pains me 😢

I think tristamp did great making an argument for how knives is how he is and making him a great antagonist very grey scale but being so short i have already seen people completely disregarding Vash’s philosophy and actions are useless or stupid. I understand it comes from just watching the series but wow, idk i feel it can totally backfired on the long run.

Sorry for bothering you 🙏

Hey!! So sorry this is very late response haha, lifes been quite busy. Also you really have zero need to apologize, I always enjoy engaging with others, so actually thank you for the ask! Even if it takes me forever to do so... 😅 This ended up being pretty long, LOL, so it's beneath a readmore...

As for your comments about how tristamp has changed the relationships of the characters... I have to agree from what I've seen that it really makes me feel like the way they are setting it up will be detrimental, as you've put it, to the original arcs. There's a lot that's been changed, especially character wise (some of which I've delved into for Wolfwood and Vash in my previous opinion piece), which rubs me the wrong way. I know that it's technically supposed to be a prequel but theyve also shuffled some very important and heavy hitting trimax scenes into the prequel, which lacks the ooomph and build up to the scenes that occurs in the manga, and makes me question what they are going to do in the long run to replace those scenes.

Also on a more personal note, I really dislike pregnancy horror, especially pregnancy horror as a result of SA, which stampede has heavily leaned into... and which didn't feature at all in the manga. Indeed, there very much heavy discourse on bodily autonomy and sexual assault within the manga; but there isn't specifically pregnancy horror at all in the manga. The only thing related to the manga that does indeed have plant pregnancy related stuff is one of the guest comics in Trigun multiple bullets, which is HUGELY sexualized, and it's connotations with that then make me very wary to see it pop up in tristamp. Overall it feels a bit off and jarring to suddenly have it be centre stage as a theme/conflict, even if the theme behind it of bodily autonomy is the same. Honestly, it feels a bit sensationalist to me as if it's almost used as an attention grab of look at this doesn't it make you uncomfortable? And seeing how some of the other things in the show have shifted to be more sensationalist and very clear and open about themes/actions of characters (very contrary to Nightows style of writing, which tends to keep things grey and nebulous and slow burn-y, which I personally very much enjoy, because I like having to draw parallels rather then having thing spelled out for me) makes me wonder if they are doing a similar thing with that, and trying to be more overt about the themes of bodily autonomy and chose to do that via pregnancy horror. Or maybe someone in the team just had a pregnancy fetish... Anyhow, I've digressed from what you were talking about entirely, oops...

As you've put it about how some of the relationships feel like fanfiction, as I've put in the post I've linked above, I very much feel like they are trying to lean into a wide audience... Which means a more canon hetship as is seen with Meryl taking on some of Wolfwoods actions and literal lines from trimax for a Vash x Meryl relationship, while removing more obvious queer representation (or other things that may be considered 'unfit' for a larger audience, such as the removal of Razlo and making Livio just brainwashed so far...). As a result, I'm pretty sure Wolfwood will play a more minor role than he did in trimax, his relationship with Vash going to be not as deep. Personally, I'm unsure also at how they're going to go about the whole 'Wolfwood fully accepting Vash and loving him to the point of literally sacrificing his life and everything he's worked for to save Vash, fufilling Vash's disagreement with Knives on wether humans will truly fully accept plants', something that's pivotal to one of the underlying the themes and also making the story unequivocally queer in nature (since this is usually something a heterosexual love interest would fufill) even if Nightow didn't mean it to be. I feel Meryl might instead step in to fill that position instead, and while Wolfwood still has a somewhat deep relationship with Vash, it's going to be more shallow, which would be very disappointing (for me at least). It'll be interesting to see if they, like in 98, go for millywood as well for more hetships that can draw in the audience. In the meantime, the more canon queer rep is removed, and is instead very much relegated to subtext, such as Elendira being a literal child... but also including leaning into a queer subtext for garnering an audience that is interested in queer ships. And even twisting some characters motivations a little to lean into queer subtext to garner the queer section of a larger audience... Which includes Knives new 'I've done everything for you' in regards to Vash, which he doesn't say in trimax, and actually fully attempts to kill Vash in response of Vash standing in the way of his goal, even if he also has difficulty with his decision (very different!).

On the subject of Knives, I'd say that he's maybe got a bit better of a sympathetic goal within tristamp but I'd still say compared to trimax, I personally think it's still not particularly well written. I'm saying this specifically as they make stamp!Knives always detached from humans when in fact in trimax he very clearly has high hopes for being accepted by humans and even cries when Conrad accepts them when he was young and pre-Tesla. This allows him to be a much more fleshed out character then in either of the animes, since you understand that he's very much motivated by fear and stuck in the fear reaction of rejection of humans. It's possible we will get a more nuanced background in the new season, but considering that they've already set the story in that manner I don't have high hopes for it, but I also tend to be negative, haha.

At the same time, I'm very much in the same boat as you; it's incredible to see the love and effort put into the show, and makes me excited about it... But that excitement pales in comparison to the way they feel like they've hamfisted the characters a bit, and my own questioning on how they are going to continue the show, and how they've shifted some of the themes around. I've also seen/heard of other people deriding Vash for his beliefs, and I think the way they have set up the themes and make Vash feel a lot younger and inexperienced lends to that perception by people, which is... well, big yikes if a good portion of your audience is missing the themes. Hopefully moving forward this is remedied but I again doubt that. I know they were trying for a prequel so the way the handled the themes and want the character to 'grow' is part of that, but at the same time... there is no issues with the original character arcs for the characters within Trimax, and 98 barely scraped the lore that's available in trimax due to the majority of trimax not existing, so I don't really understand why they really decided to go for a completely new retelling (well, I do, but still...). Again, I'm absolutely happy to see that trigun is back and, hell I've gotten re-into trigun and actually read trimax this round, and it's lovely to see that the animators are putting in a lot of love and thought into tristamp... but at the same time feel like there's lots of issues with the themes and characterizations, and I honestly doubt that it'll be fixed moving forward, so you're not alone with that, and I've talked to multiple other people who have the same qualms about tristamp!

[knight-queen]

Lunatic Parade Yuma Mukami –(Chapter 4)

[Chapter O 1]  [Chapter 2]  [Chapter 3]  [Chapter 4]  [Final] 

一

Place: Tart Tatan , Glimmer Street Restaurants 

Yui: (For now, he told me to get something to eat as I got hungry but…)

Yuma: Ah...how shall we get staaart…

Yui: It was...the one who chased two rabbits didn’t get a single one.

Yuma: Aah...what’d ya mean?

Yui: I meant, it was impossible to get both heart and that giant cake at one shot.

Yuma: Tch...fuck. Don’t just decide the rare things or stuff all for yourself!

Aah, when I feel irritated, it gets on my nerves.

Yui: (I’m aware that I can’t have a gloomy mood but, it’s not impossible to...)

(get back my heart…)

*Running footsteps*

Yuma: Nh? That man is….

The fear store Manager:  Ooh! You’re ‘re after all, I got you!!!

Yui: Good afternoon! Why are you in a hurry?

The fear shop Manager: Details explanation will be later! Anyway, I want you to come with me!

Yuma: Jeez...what’s now?

Place: サントノレパーク通り / Saint Honoré Park Street

Yui: (Shop Manager...he’s running surprisingly fast…!)

Yuma: I knew, the bakers were slow but steady...Yui! Have a look there!

Yui: Eh?

Place: サントノレパーク通り /  Saint Honoré Park Street

Yui: (There’s a curtain in the giant cake’s space…?)

Yuma: Oi, that curtain, what’s that?

Shop Manager: I’ll have you to look at that no matter what. Come on, hold this rope?

Yui: Eh?

*Hold the rope*

Shop Manager: You too! Don’t pull it roughly, okay?

Yuma: Y- yeah…

Shop Manager: Aight, we’ll start counting. Hey, is everyone prepared?

Clown D: Of course!

Shop assistant: Same here, we’re ready!

Shop Manager: Okay then….One, two and ー!!

*Uncovers the cake*

Yui: This is...a new giant cake?

Shop Manager: Yeah, we ended up making one.

Yui: Eeh?

Yuma: However...isn’t it a little different though? It’s huge but the color is also different.

Shop Assistant: Fufu~ there was a lack of ingredients at last. So, we changed it’s usual design, therefore this time is a cheese-cake!

Clown D: For this, the rear car also smelled like cheese~!

Yui: (Wow…!)

Yuma: Heeh~ It means y'all did it.

Manager:  Aah, that was the spirit. Since, it was stolen, so decided to rebake once ‘gain!

You taught us the lesson to never give up. Thanks alot for that.

Yui: No, we didn’t do any…

Manager: Nope, I’m sure, we couldn’t get stirred up all by ourselves like this.

You could face many dangers in order to bring back the cake, am I wrong?

Yuma: Aah? I don’t get it?

Clown D: Ms. Assistant, you can’t hide the truth!

Assistant: Yeah. When you were passing by through the garden shop street...you bought the seedling of the demon-world strawberry, right? 

-> Spoiler! 魔界イチゴ means Demon world’s strawberry literally! 

Yuma: Y- yeah, what’s wrong ‘bout that?

Manager: Demon world’s strawberry has a very complex color plus the taste is very luxurious...but you still wanted to plant it, which is pretty difficult to.

It’s bines completely move like a hitting whips and if the flower blooms, then the pollens are deadly poisoned, in some cases, it is also called devil strawberry.

Despite of these, you still thought you had to grow that...for the giant cake...uuuh *cries out*

Yuma: Tha- that’s right...if it’s me then, it’s a piece of cake...haha…*fake smile*

Yui: (...Does that mean he bought it without knowing anything…)

Manager: Anyways! As you showed up your stubborn side, we also couldn’t give up at all.

Me too, more, more, much more than before! I’ll have pledged to having a warming up passion for making cake!!

Assistant: Thanks to that, we’ve passed a wonderful time...really, thank you.

And also, could you concentrate on finding a rare thing for Earl Walter...for your heart?

Yui: Eh…?

Manager: You told us the time cake was stolen, no?

Clown D: We have been worried~ Could it be that you were putting off your own purposes for us.

Manager: Thank you for all of these feelings...and also you helped us, we were encouraged.

Yui: That’s….same here, thank you.

(The truth’s that….we were the one to break the cake from the very first...but still they cared about us)

Yui: Really, thank you so much.

Manager: It’s aight! You were also in trouble.

Assistant: If everything goes well, then come again for eating the cake. We’ll serve it.

Yui: Ah...yes…

( I see. Everyone’s taking me as a resident of demon-world, not a human)

(It hurts when I feel like I’m deceiving them…)

Selectionー

-> Tell them you are a human /人間だと言う 

 -> Be silent/  黙っておく  (+Correct)

Yui: (I want to say bit, but I’ll end up creating chaos for sure)

(There may be bad people out there and also I don’t want to pour water on this excitement)

*Yuma gets closer suddenly*

Yuma: Yui…

Yui: Eh..?

*Strokes her hair*

Yui: (He’s...stroking my hair…)

(Does he know that I’m being worried)

Yuma: ...You better not say extra words. You gotta lie at this point.

Yui: Yes...got it.

Yuma: Aah--, sorry for making worries! We’ll concentrate on getting heart from here on!

Clown D: Yup, yup, do your best~!!

*Yuma’s BGM*

Yuma: Aight, this time for sure! We’ll protect the cake!

Manager: But...didn’t you hear what we just said? Heart!?

Yuma: Kukuh….unfortunately, I’m not a kind man who’ll just act on protecting the cake, ya’know? Well, I’ll explain my plan.

Earl will be coming to steal this cheese-cake too. Hit it in all newspapers!!

Yui: Ah...I see…!

Clown D: But, will the cake get stolen again?

Yuma: Dumbass, we have no choice but to bring the same topic. This time I ain’t allowed to fall behind!

Protect the cake too and following that, I’ll get the heart back!...make sense?

Yui: yes…!

Assistant: If that’s the deal, then we’ll cooperate too!

We have business in the shop, so it’s impossible to help all the way but...after that, let’s have the vow and help them!

Yuma: Oh! My bad!....This girl looks so overwhelming, so I’ll count on you being super nice!!

Yui: It’s...shameless thing.

Yuma: It’s fine ‘cuz there’ll be our victory from ‘re on.

*After a while*

Yui: (It’s been a long time but…)

Yuma: He’s not showing an appearance. Where’s he, that bastaard Earl!

Yui: (The pedestrian traffic is also less than before)

(I can’t have a guess since the demon world is dark, but to its residents, this time is natural)

Sorry for having all of you gathered here. I’m sleepy for a while, is it okay to get a sleep?

Yuma: No, it’s fine. Same goes for you, are y’ feelin’ cold?

Yui: No, since you gave me a blanket, I’m fine.

Yuma: Noo, that one piece of close won’t work.

Yui: Not really, it’s fi一!

*Hugs her*

Yuma: Stop talking and cling onto me more.

Yui: ...Yes

Yuma: ...kuku, if you think about it deeply, this situation quite looks like a dream.

Yui: About what?

Yuma: Ya’ know...the atmosphere that everyone’s restless, I don’t hate it.

Perhaps it’s been so since I was a lil’ kid.

Yui: Eh? When you were a kid…?

Yuma: In the past...every single day I had to plow the field and that wasn’t fun at all.

The thing I remembered that sloppy circus used to come in the spring festival during the snow thaw time. 

To a brat liked me, it was very interesting show...and I used to watch that like a stupid.

Yui: That’s how it was…

Yuma: It was like a provincial town, so I wouldn’t stay all the time there.

End of the day, that group used to leave, continuing to wave their backs.

“Don’t leave, do it more and more...continue creating this dreamy world…” I wished.

Those circuses always used to come in my dreams...Without even having any realization, I forgot ‘bout them.

For this, when I am in this parade with you, I am having a restless and a strange mood.

Yui: I see, thank you.

Yuma: Haa? Why give me thanks?

Yui: Because you shared an event about your childhood...it’s something to be happy about.

*Yuma blushed*

Yuma: Ha? That...not really, it wasn’t like that.

Yui: Nope, thank you for sharing that.

Yuma: Jeez...well, it’s fine. It’s your turn to share some of your past.

Yui: Yes...I want to share a lot.

Yuma: Kuku, is that so.

Yui, no matter what this place’s, if I am with you then一

Earl Walter: Hahahaha!! Conversations between lovers in one kind of beauty in a parade.

Yui: Kh!!

Yuma: Finally show up!!

Earl Walter: It’s useless if you just stand and watch. This elegant giant cheeze-cake will belong to me!!

Yuma: Wait ‘re!!

*Yuma runs off*

Yui: Yuma kun!?

Look here!! Don’t ya dare to think that you’ll fight the same thing as before!!

Yui: (He is holding a...mop?)

Earl Walter: Kh...don’t tell me this cake…

Yuma: yeah, I’ll make it into a brutal state in no time!

Yui: You...can’t!

Yuma: Shut up! Don’t split out anything!

Yui: ….!

Yuma: Oi, I’ll make you hear me! Give her heart back!

Earl Walter: Haah...that means you want to trade between the heart and the cake?

Yuma: The truth’s that i don’t wanna handle any of those! But...I am sure the guys of the shop will be convinced if I talk to them!

Yui: Yuma kun, but…!

Earl Walter: Pftt...Hahahah!!

Yuma: What’s so funny!!

Earl Walter: I’m apologizing for being soaked in this sentiment, however, there’s no way trade with that heart and just this cake.

Yui: Umm...then, what can we do so you can trade?

Earl Walter: In this area, a valuable thing is…

What about trading with this boy?

Yui: (Eh...?)

Yuma: Ha? Kh...me?

Earl Walter: Someone’s precious person, it has corresponding value right?

To you, he is precious, right?

Yui: …….

(What should I do...if I agree, then Yuma kun will...)

Yuma: Haa...if I go, then she will survive, right?

Yui: Kh...no!

Yuma: But, I’m not valuable at all. Are you targeting correctly?

Earl Walter: Aah, ofcourse. Human plus vampire...very interesting.

Since I haven’t gotten anything like this before...that’s it. I’ll decorate him like a stuffed animal.

Yui: Kh! That’s absolutely NO…!

Earl Walter: Then, will you give up on trading?

Yui: Then fine! I can’t hand over Yuma kun!

Earl Walter: Then, let’s break this conversation here.

Yui: …...Yes.

(It’s good...now)

Yuma: Wait...I get it. I’ll go with you.

Yui: Eh!?

Yuma: ...I can’t give up just for this.

*Yuma knocks out Yui*

Yui: Uuh….!

*Yui falls*

*Screen black*

Yuma: I’m sorry...Yui.

???: O~i! Are you okay!?

Yui: nh...I…

Clown D: What a relief, I was worried.

Yui: Ah...Where is...Yuma kun!?

(Not here...it means he went with Earl)

Clown D: When I rushed into here, I didn’t see him.

Yui: I see….

Clown D: Yes, I don’t know where did big bro go leaving you behind~

Yui: (He told that he will decorate with Yuma...it’s very awful)

(It can’t be…!)

I have to go there. Clown san, where’s the castle of Earl Walter?

Clown D: Bernstein castle? It’s that direction.

Yui: That way...I get it, thank you so much!

Clown D: No not at all~ By the way, *sniffs*...neh, I smell something good.

Yui: Eh?

Vampire Woman A: What is the smell? It’s so delicious…

Vampire Man E:  Aah, I can smell too...hey, is this woman, a human?

Yui: Kh!?

(Smells good, does it mean me?)

(Oh...I get back my heart, by trading with Yuma)

Vampire Woman D: You, it smells so good...can I have a little?

Vampire Man B: No, I’ll be first. Come one, gimme your blood!!

Yui: Kyaa!!

(I gotta run…!)

*Runs off*

Place:ベルンシュタイン城  城門前 / Bernstein Castle  front of castle gate

Yui: Haah...haah…!

(This is bernstein castle…)

*knock*

Yui: Excuse me! Please open the gate!

Give back Yuma kun!!

(I gotta get their attention quickly or…!)

*Running footsteps*

Vampire Man A:  Here she’s!! That woman!!

Vampire Woman A: Hey, lemme suck first!!

Vampire Man D: Nooo, me first! Hey you, come here!

Yui: Kh...No, don’t touch!!

*Knock*

(Please, open…!)

*Soaring*

Vampire Man C: Hm? Something’s flying? A giant bat…

Vampire Woman C: Hey, come here, won’t you!?

*Eagle’s flying*

Yui: (That’s...the egg we wanted to get in the mine, the giant mom eagle?)

Vampire Man A: Kh, this woman is a wild-...wild-animal-tamer!? Run!!

Vampire Woman D: Kyaa-!!

Yui: Why….

I wanted to do a terrible thing with you...but you helped me?

Thank you...kyaa!

(It’s rubbing my back...does she want me to ride?)

Vampire Man B: First of all, we have to deal with that eagle!

Vampire Woman D: Beat that at first!

Yui: Kh...please, fly away!!

(Let’s cling onto her...I’m sure it’s gonna be fine….!)

*Flies*

Yui: (Kh...I could be thrown off)

Vampire Man E: Oi, you can’t escape! Shoot it and make her fall!!

Yui: Fly higher…!

Place : Sky

Yui: ( Wow...she has reached higher in to time)

(It’s fine if she left me inside the castle)

(I don’t know she’ll understand my language, but let’s request)

Would you mind if I get off in that castle?

There’s a person there whom I can’t lose...please!

*Flying to that direction*

Yui: Kyaa!

(Diving down...I'll collide…!)

Place: ベルンシュタイン城  バルコニー / Bernstein Castle Balcony

Yui: (...Huh? It doesn’t hurt?)

Waah, wait, I’ll get off.

*Gets off*

Thank you for helping...you can now go back to your eggs.

(Maybe that cake has already hatched out? It was good that I gave back the egg couragely)

(He forcefully stole my heart but now he simply exchanged it, how weird. So, I can’t give up at all.)

(So two of us can escape together...for now, I have to search him first.)

Place: ベルンシュタイン城 宝物庫 / Treasure Room of Bernstein Castle 

Yui: (Waah...wonderful, all of these are Earl’s collection?)

(Glittering stuffs and also slightly creepy things...there are so many)

(I’m sure each of the owners of these treasures cherished a lot….I can’t forgive him.)

*Foot steps*

Yui: Kh…!

(Looks like someone’s here...I have to hide!)

???: Who’s there?

Yui: (Eh...this voice)

Yuma...Kun?

Yuma: Yui…?

Yui: Yuma kun!

Yuma: Why are y’ ‘re? That’s even alone...it’s dangerous!

Yui: Giant mom eagle protected me all the way and brought me here.

Yuma kun, why’d you go all by yourself? It’s awful!

I couldn’t help it...even if I helped all the way, I won’t be satisfied at all.

Yuma: Haah...Not really, I just paid back everything you did, that was all.

I told you that if you cut out your own purposes and think only ‘bout others, it’s comeout like this!

Yui: Kh…

Yuma: Of course, I didn’t do it just with a single inference.

My real intention was to help you, no matter what happens to me.

I really don’t care about the strangers but if it’s you then I can’t lose.

If it means to help you then I’ll overwhelmingly put myself into a fire...even though you’ll be sad.

Yui: (I can’t say anything back...he was always holding sorrowful feelings for me)

(Despite of then, I... was just acting on my own)

Yuma: Did you understand the feelings of the guys you left behind?

Yui: Kh…

Yuma: I’m asking if you understand their feelings when they were chasing after the person who was risky flying!?

*Yui cries*

Yuma: ….Now, crying out will be a foul game.

Yui: Because….uuh…

Yuma: If you’ve learned by this experience, don’t you ever throw out your life away, got it?

Yui: ….Yes...uuuh….

Yuma: Aah, you’re making an ugly face. Don’t just stand, c’mere.

Yui: Eeh…?

Yuma: You come to steal me from Earl, no? ...Kukuh, what ‘bout catching me then?

*Yui blushed and then laughs*

Yui: ...Yuma kun!

*Runs off*

*Fades to CG*

Yui: I’m sorry…

Yuma: I’m tired of hearing your “Gomennasai” Say something different.

For example “As a punishment for acting on my own, I’ll let you suck blood as much as you can” etc.

Yui: Yes...I’ll let you, no matter what’s the amount.

Yuma: heeh? You say it after all.

Yui: Because I got my heart back, and sure my blood will taste ー

Yuma: Haah...Stoppu! I told you that I don’t care ‘bout the taste. Don’t go against it.

Yui: But...you were the 1st one to say that “I want to suck your blood”

Yuma: Oh, well...I didn’t say for it’s yummy taste...I want it, because it’s your blood.

Don’t misunderstand.

Yui: Yes…!

Yuma: Kukuh...you’re finally making such a happy face just ‘cuz I’ll drink your blood. You can’t escape from these fangs anymore.

Yui: ...I don’t want the fangs, what I want is just to stay by your side.

Yuma: Haah? You also said it before…

Yui: It’s something to give back.

Fufu

Yuma: Well, I’ll forgive today.

Yui...let’s stay together forever.

Yui: (These gentle eyes...put me at ease)

(Stay with me all the time, Yuma kun)

*CG Fades*

*Claps, Claps*

Yuma: You dumbass!

Yui: Earl Walter!?

Earl Walter: Hahahah, you did really wonderful.

Yuma: Haa? What are ya’ saying?

Earl Walter: I thought you guys will be the perfect to possess the treasure.but...I didn’t think you’d do that far.

Yui: What do you mean?

Earl Walter: Sometimes it’s charm confuses humans and leads to misery.

...Vampires are deceived and end up going to a wrong path, the same goes with your heart.

So you and your partner are the appropriate owners of this heart. I was the judge.

But, it was needless to be worried. If your mutual bond continues like this, it’ll be fine.

Yuma: Tch...Without even yer words, it’s obvious to be fine!!

I mean, it’s still fishy. You make everyone unhappy for that cake.

Yui: (Certainly...everyone was having a smiling face…)

Earl Walter: Aah, I ate that cake as much as I could.

Yuma: Haaah!?

Earl Walter: I lost my interest in the cake so I returned it back to the forum. As I thought, a suitable amount is important. 

Yui: (So that was his purpose….I’m somehow disappointed.)

Yuma: I get it but not get it. When I speak with bastards like you, I wanna hit so bad. Anyway...see ya.

Yui: But, how can we get back…

Yuma: We’ll fly from the balcony...I want to have you in my arms for a while.

Ya’ can’t get separated.

Yui: ...Yes!

-> Continue

一 The end of Chapter O 4

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 2: Underappreciated and how Sam should deal with an abuser.

Last time I gave a general overview of how Sam is treated by his “friends”. Now I want to give a more specific example, that will also show how Dobson’s storytelling abilities are not really all that good, particularly when it comes to pacing or building up any sort of conflict.

You see, for the most part Alex ze Pirate is just a collection of stupid artwork (not even concept art, just random artwork Dobson makes of his characters dressed as something random) and one page strips with a stupid punchline, with Sam most of the time being the receiving punching bag.

There have however been a few individual, short stories over time. And when I say short stories, I mean short. As in 15 pages for a very cheap set up, a few jokes and a punchline. Those include stories such as All that Glitters (where everyone except Alex breaks into a fortress to steal something), The Wish Fish (the only halfway okay story of them all because it is just meant to be comedic) and Best Laid Plans. However, near the end of the initial run of AzP, Dobson did a three part story (partly) focused on Sam in that format, which started off with the chapter I want to talk in this post: “Underappreciated”.

As you can see, the chapter starts off following some basic rules of storytelling in comics. Two establishing panels for the location at which the story takes place initially and showing what Sam’s duties are. Nothing really bad yet. The only thing that sticks out being just the fact that a) Sam does not have his own bedroom and has to sleep in a useless outlook and b) he sleeps in his regular clothes. But hey, nothing to get upset about initially, perhaps he just prefers it like this at the moment. But with the next two pages…

The problems start to show. Page three establishing that Atea herself is just a cunt who can’t even have the basic decency of wishing her “friend” a good morning or giving him a thank you for bringing a morning beverage as she has other selfish priorities on her mind. Like wanting to lick the shower water of Alex’s skin.

Also, go fuck yourself Uncle Peggy. As in, get both your arms ripped off, shoved up your butthole with those hooks and then get hanged on those stomps like a chandelier. I wouldn’t even mind the fact here that Peggy left a mess, if the face he makes in the last panel was not obvious of the fact he left the bathroom like this on purpose and that he is rather happy of making Sam’s day extra miserable by the fecal matter he left behind. Combined with any previous strip of the comic showing that Peggy for no reason likes to get the boy in trouble and even wants to see him die, this just shows once more of how much of an asshole he is. If the last panel just showed him with a groogy hangover look, obviously unaware of how much discomfort he brings unintentionally to Sam, that would be one thing. But intentionally making Sam’s day miserable despite the obvious fact the boy is the first one to do anything around here, while making one of the worst drawn “HAHA, I am such a rascal faces” I have ever seen (and I have seen shitty anime en mass) makes me hate the character more than Dobson intented.

And then there is page 5…

And it is in my opinion the saddest page in the entire comic arc, even compared to the “heartbreaking” stuff Dobson wants to pull up in the last third of it. Because though it is meant as a joke, the general execution is too cruel, crossing into “dude, not funny” territory and showing just how little the crew cares for Sam. Talus, Sam’s “best friend” not even aware he is around, everyone stealing Sam’s food with that stupid “Yoink” sound (seriously, I wish the characters would get punched in the vaginas each time they make this sound in any of Dobson’s strips) and then leaving Sam behind with smug faces, ready to do whatever they want to do, while he, likely stinking of feces and not even having showered properly, has also to clean up after those pigs, who can’t even eat in a proper manner ( hey Atea, use a fork instead of holding the bowl) and silently. I mean, they are pretty much pigs when the noises they make are loud enough, they make the font of the writing change randomly into whatever Dobson has on his computer with every sound. Not to forget the mess they leave behind. And they call Sam the Slob?

Anyway, on to the next page…

And who the heck left their Hello Kitty toy in the bathtub? Also, I hate the way Alex’s face is drawn in the lower left corner. Something about the eyes in relation to the shit eating grin just looks off. Less “smug” and gleefully awaiting whatever she plans next and looking more like Dobson when someone tells him his opinion and reasoning for it is bad, but he can’t yell back at them because they are part of a minority and so he has make a “good face” to a bad situation, while internally he is already imagining how to strawman them in some fake news worthy facebook post.

And then we get to page 7. Which features the WORST addition to the “Alex ze Pirate” canon Dobson has ever thought up. An embodiment of what is wrong with Dobson when it comes to inserting internet culture related stuff into his own work. Ladies and gentlemen… the lolcat pirates

Yeah, those Hello Kitty rejects who ironically look still more like a proper cat than Spot in Danny and Spot, are essentially one of the worst jokes Dobson has ever created. Because they are a joke without a punchline. See, all there is to them is that they are sentient cats, that speak in a manner associated with lolcat posting. And that is the “joke”. Their speech pattern being based on a dumb internet meme that was popular at the time Dobson drew this page. It is like if you portray an Asian by making them talk with a shitty racist accent and that supposedly counts already as comedy. It is not funny, because there is nothing really done with it in context of the story. Like no one addresses the weird way they talk. Also, with the font Dobson uses, it is just an eyesore to any reader and the text gets aggravating the more the captain of the cats talks. It shows why lolcat pictures only had very short sentences accompanying the pics, cause reading more than 8 words written in this manner tingles a part of your brain that makes you want to shout “English motherfucker, do you speak it”?

Don’t get me even started on how the joke would get lost to anyone unaware of lolcats and how dated the joke already was back when the page was posted, which is one of many reasons why comic artists should just in general avoid memes in their work, if they hope for it to pass the test of time. Instead let me just point out the fact that though Alex said “All hands prepared for casting off” on the previous page (which is also a very unnatural way to give the order “Everyone get ready! Take off in 10 minutes”) not all hands are on board, seeing how Uncle Peggy is missing on this page (and spoilers) many pages of this afterwards. Weird. I thought he would be onboard the moment Alex mentioned they are going to hijack a ship full of pussy. Lastly, this is Alex being a “badass”? Taking over a ship full of little furballs you can defeat with a laserpointer, a squeaky toy and catnip? Sam, this is not just “almost” embarrassingly easy, this is literally on a level similar to stealing candy from a baby. That is mentally handicapped. And without supervision. In a candy story.

At least it turns out there is genuinely something worth stealing on this ship. Otherwise all Alex would have accomplished on that very day would have been animal abuse for the sake of entertainment. Though now it also gets me thinking: A place called Katsville, the revelation that the captain is supposedly the child of a high ranking military feline within the sea force of an entire species of sentient cats… how exactly does the world of Alex ze Pirate function? Look, I do not want to get into too much detail about this point here yet, because it is a bigger issue with the worldbuilding (or rather lack thereof) of this series in general, but what is the “consistency” when it comes to races and species in this world? See, One Piece for example is overall a very “cartoonish” and fantastic world (more cartoonish than what Dobson creates on average) when you think of the fact there are fish men, giant seacows and seamonsters, sentient furry creatures, islands in the sky, sentient weather phenomenons etc next to humans. And while Oda does not really spend time elaborating in very high detail how his world works, the sheer abundance of those elements and how they were established pretty early on in the story and are revisited constanly, with the cartoonish flavor and humor of One Piece on top of it, makes those oddities feel organic and a part of the world.

Not so much in AzP. Here over 90% of the time any character not related to the crew is some generically drawn human, in a very generically human setting with jokes just not cartoonish enough. So the world of AzP feels more “realistic” and less oddish, making then things like Talus, the lolcat pirates and once a giant sea dragon that looked like Elliot’s rejected cousin

Stand out like a sour thumb that looks like this

But I digress. Lets see what makes Sam, who just seems bored and wants to end his miserable life/drink his sorrows away, throw the cat captain against the wall.

Okay. Sam’s overall reaction makes it clear, the locket is important. So “kudos” for establishing this and in doing so also create within a moment a bit of intrigue for the reader. After all, why does this locket get such a reaction out of Sam, who we know so far as more happy go lucky or deadpan in parts, instead of looking genuinely distraught. Heck, the fact he even tells Alex to shut up when she commands him around should highlight how out of character finding this locket truly makes Sam.

Then there is Alex’s reaction to being told to shut up, which she takes with as much dignity as someone telling Dobson to just stop fawning about underaged lesbians in a toddler show.

Jesus Christ, she faces being told she looks like a guy with more grace than that. I mean, isn’t she used to being told to shut her trap? Cause if I were her parents, I would have told this entitled redheaded whinner a few times over the course of her childhood to shut up.

Scum sucking cabin boy… said by a butt ugly whore who would genuinely suck scum off if it means she can finally get laid instead of being mistaken for a man. By the way, with that angry face she makes in the first panel, I can totally see why others would mistake her for a dude. She just looks unpleasant and not in a funny way like that red panda girl from Aggretsuko. See, when she gets angry, it looks hilarious and cute because of the contrast to how the character looks ordinarily. This is just Alex looking even more unpleasant as usual.

Now, before I continue with the next pages, I like to point out the face Sam makes in the upper panel and Sam’s overall body language in the last one.

It is obvious that Sam is meant to be in a state of mind where he knows for what he is getting yelled at and where he genuinely reacts in a hurt manner. His body shaking, his head tilted down, not saying even a word. You would expect that the next page of this comic would be a follow up. Seeing Sam, who is pent up, lashing out in some way. Either for example by justifying why he said it, getting sad, angry, perhaps even violent in that situation. After all, so far the way this story has been structured, a lot of emphasize was put on the fact that Sam is treated not well and that finding this locket actually has an uncommon effect on him. Heck, even the title of this chapter hints on the idea, that we should get some sort of huge reaction out of Sam now on the next page, as this is supposed to be Sam’s story.

Instead it is just Alex grumbling and grinding her teeth, unable to comprehend that someone finally told her something every reader with more than 20 braincells said when reading this comic series. And this in my opinion is from a structural point, one of the biggest missteps in this story. Obviously, this is supposed to be a comic about Sam, based on title and him being the one character in it with the most emotional aspects so far. And it is also obvious that this is not just meant to be a silly gag comic but supposedly one with emotional weight. So, where is that weight so far, aside from the panels showing Sam being miserable because he gets the short end of the stick by his friends? Sorry to hijack this thing here now with my own ideas, but if I had writen this story, page 12 and 13 would have actually been an immense turning point for me in the dynamic so far. Why I would have let Alex shout at Sam for insubordination, I would have made it more than one panel of Alex calling him scum and also end likely with Sam, who obviously reaches a limit the longer she goes on about it, end punching her in the face, perhaps even knock out. Show truly just how far Sam is pushed emotionally at this moment, keeping it however ambiguous if he hit her because of her words hurting or because of something else, in doing so focusing also the attention to the reader back on the locket.

As an aftermath of this, Alex would (if not knocked out) hit Sam back, much to Atea’s and Talus horror, later implying additionally that Sam left because of being hit by whom he thinks is not just his captain but a “friend” (oh yes spoiler, Sam is gone in the next chapter)   or the next page would be of Alex waking up back in her hideout from having been knocked out. Atea and Talus informing her what happened, her deciding to deal with Sam later on after recovering (who accompanied everyone back on the island temporarily) only for the last page showing Sam deciding that he is leaving the island, ending the chapter on Sam in a small boat slowly drifting away from the island. You know, something to give the chapter the feeling that the “shut up” moment is an emotional turning point in this story and that there might be something bigger going on that resulted in Sam deciding to leave, without having him however go full Meg Griffin as in the Family Guy episode “Seashell Seahorse Party”, chewing Alex and the others out for the way they treat him. Cause honestly, as much as I like for Alex, Atea and Talus to be chewed out and face consequences for their actions, doing so would likely just be (like in that Family guy episode)  a pointless fillerbuster in the bigger picture of things, as no real consequences would come out of it.

Well that and just like the writers of Family Guy, Dobson is just equally loathsome and thinks he can write whatever sick joke he wants and can on his characters, basic decency or consistency in writing be damned.

But back to the comic, where things just “end” as shown here instead of any real emotions boiling up and a cliffhanger that may genuinely beg the question what is going to happen next to anyone involved in this thing.

 Cause really, by the time it is night and Sam says it is time to go, you are not surprised he wants to go, even if he did not have a genuine emotional outburst within this chapter. After all, who wants to stay with “friends” like this, with Talus and Atea not even trying to cheer him up and instead ignoring his obvious need for comfort in this uncomfortable way, as if they are a bunch of racists trying to look away as someone beats a black person in front of them into a pulp. The only question you may ask yourself by the time the last page is hit, is who that generic looking girl is, whose picture has been photoshopped into the locket.

 Something we may not find out by the time the next chapter and part of this review hits, but will get to eventually. Until then guys, in order to end on something happier, funnier and just genuinely more pleasant than what this story presented to us so far, have something silly and Super Sentai related here for the sake of childish entertainment.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 234: Tomura Flashbacks and Giganto ex Machia

Previously on BnHA: Re-Destro lost his temper and hulked the fuck out and started breaking off Tomura’s fingers like a goddamn Kit-Kat bar. Elsewhere, (1) Twice cloned Toga in order to give her a blood transfusion, unaware that Skeptic was heading their way; (2) Spinner’s quirk of being a Gecko Man was revealed and he attempted to wall-crawl his way over to Hanabata only to be assailed by a bunch of redshirts fired up by Hanabata’s Trumpet quirk; (3) Dabi continued to battle Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine offscreen (I assume); (4) Compress was also probably doing something but who can be sure; (5) Giran was running off to safety with one of the clone Twices, and finally, (6) Gigantomachia Goron-rolled his way towards the action while Slidin’ Go stood there nervously, probably sensing that his number is coming up on the great cosmic roulette wheel. All of this happened two whole weeks ago because the manga was on break last week! But it’s finally back now, so leeeEET’S geeet ready to rrrruuuuUUUUUUUUMMMMMBLE.

Today on BnHA: RD continues to get handsy with Tomura until Tomura starts to disintegrate one of RD’s own fingers to see how he likes it. He does not, in fact, like it, so he flings Tomura away and starts thinking all of these shocked antagonist thoughts about how Tomura is stronger than he expected and his powers are ~awakening~ and blah blah blah. Meanwhile Tomura hops back onto the Flashback Train to Feels City and recalls how AFO gave him his family’s severed hands to make sure he stayed good and pissed!! And he also remembers more about his sister and how much she loved him! And his mom and grandparents who were also super nice and are now fucking dead and it’s a lot! Horikoshi is pretty fucking ruthless! Anyway so RD decides he’d better go all out and wrap this up, but before he can deliver a killing blow, Gigantomachia finally makes his entrance. At the same moment, Tomura finally remembers “everything” (?? ???!?!?), which, holy fucking shit you guys.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

okay so let’s see what gruesome things are in store for our intrepid villains this week

“destroyed memories” oh? come again? you don’t say?? fancy that?? goodness me???

so is this referring to Tomura? or Dabi? if it’s referring to Re-Destro or one of his gang, I swear to god...! nobody cares about your memories RD. you’re a jerk and you suck

lol what the

aww. is this a “real” in-universe children’s book, is that what this is. did all the lil U.A. dumplings read this when they were small. and was there also a similar book called “don’t judge people by their lack of quirks” and if so why did no one read it to lil baby Kacchan hmm

anyway now we’re cutting right back to this unpleasant image! and not only that, but in the two weeks we’ve been gone things have even escalated!

we’re up to two hands being grabbed now! um. he’s really going to need at least one of those? probably?? please don’t Overhaul my deranged villain son fffff

reminder that Tomura needs to touch something with all five fingers in order for his quirk to activate (or he did before at least), so even though he still has... two...? fingers remaining on his left hand, that hand is still effectively useless as far as quirking goes. so if he suffers even the smallest amount of damage to his right hand as well, it’s basically all over for him. unless he actually was using his quirk with his feet in the previous chapter. I’m assuming not because he presumably would have decayed his way all the way down to the center of the earth if that was the case. I think @khorale mentioned this in a comment on my last recap, but yeah, seeing as the ground’s not disintegrating underneath him, it’s safe to say it’s Hands Only here

anyway I got so caught up in being calmly horrified over the current situation that I didn’t even read the dialogue. so RD’s saying that superpowers are linked to personality, and so that “don’t judge people by their quirks” stuff is in fact bullshit

um, source? are you a psychologist? in general I try to take things with a grain of salt when they’re said by pieces of shit, so yeah

fffffffff noooooo Tomura’s face sob Horikoshi you bastard

he looks so freaking young here. okay, shit. I’m starting to think I need to make plans to unwind after I finish reading this chapter. maybe get an Enya playlist in the works. diffuse some essential oils. find some cute baby animal videos

but on the plus side, it’s looking ever more likely that his are indeed the Destroyed Memories in question omg. so I will continue to get hype while also feeling very guilty and stressed

you guys I’m actually really glad RD is feeling like he has the upper hand now, because he’s starting to waste some valuable time monologuing, and with every second he babbles on, Machia is getting closer and closer to whooping some ass

so he’s asking Tomura what he’s trying to create

and well, actually, he’s not really that far off

I mean. does it count as nothing if he wants to destroy the whole world? one could argue that would be “creating” a new world in which everyone is fucking dead. idk. I might have to give RD this one; his whole point of “quirks are linked to personality and you have a quirk that destroys everything you touch so you probably just want to destroy shit” is holding up surprisingly well to scrutiny thus far

yeah so now he’s yelling “YOU ONLY LUST FOR DESTRUCTION! AM I WRONG?!” and nope. but even a broken clock, twice a day, etc.

oh shit OH FUCKING --

um, okay, (1) NO IT’S NOT, SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL, NONE OF YOUR HANDS BELONGED TO A CHILD YOU GULLIBLE RUBE

and (2) MY FUCKING FEELS. why am I even surprised. what the fuck. I knew more angst was coming and yet it still...

just, god. okay fine Horikoshi I’m a glutton for punishment, please continue then

HAHA SOB IT’S A WHOLE FUCKING FLASHBACK OKAY SURE LAY IT ON ME!!

this really is the wildest shit though you guys. I still can’t get over it. “hello little boy I’m sorry your family is dead but don’t worry I’m adopting you and here are all of their severed hands. with little plugs on the end too or some shit. just, you know. souvenir”

I can’t fucking believe AFO played this so straight. maybe that’s why it worked. it was just so fucking out there that Tenko wound up buying it hook line and sinker. “hmm, seems a bit shady, but then again why else would a strange man I met only yesterday just randomly up and give me a dozen severed hands”

I don’t know if any of this shit is important, but it’s probably good practice to just post every mysterious thing that AFO says

yes you really did a great job healing this guy’s wounded fucking heart, Dr. Phil

oh wow, never fucking mind, even

I see, so that wasn’t meant to be a reassuring “in time you’ll get over it” speech; it was meant to be a cautionary “you’d better surround yourself with reminders of your terrible pain at all times or else you might actually stop feeling fucking miserable and WE CAN’T FUCKING HAVE THAT” speech. holy shit

I’m seriously having trouble wrapping my mind around just how terrible this is. like, it’s nearly impossible to fathom that level of cruelty. this is a four(?)-year-old child. he tracked him down, gave him a quirk that would kill his family*, sat back and watched it happen, and then let him stew in the horror of it all alone until he finally swooped in and claimed him and then raised him with the express purpose of keeping him sad and scared and angry and depressed at all times, all so he would eventually grow up and, with any luck, murder the man that his grandmother thought of as a son!

(*this is just conjecture right now, admittedly, but until I’m proven wrong I’m basically operating under the assumption that it’s true)

just. “fucked up” doesn’t even begin to describe it. god

anyways, let’s continue to read more about young Tenko’s extreme emotional abuse at the hands of the final villain I guess

OMG HANA

okay so I can’t remember where we left off on this last time, but a bunch of people said they suspected that the young Tenko wanted to be a hero when he was a little boy, and that’s why he was always clashing with his dad, because his dad’s own experience with heroes was pretty sour on account of the whole his-mom-gave-him-up-when-he-was-little-and-then-later-died-horribly thing

so yeah, I assume that’s what Hana is referring to here with the whole “I just tell Dad...” bit. so they both wanted to be heroes! how perfectly fucking tragic! great!

Tomuraaaaaa

KEEP IT UP TOMURA YOU CAN DO IT!! YOU CAN REMEMBER! YOU’RE DOING GREAT. aside from the whole “this really big man is killing you slowly” thing

yeah, this whole deal

but aside from that. doing great

!!

OOOOOOOOOH SHIT, THIS MUMMIFIED LITTLE PUNK’S STILL GOT SOME FIGHT LEFT IN HIM YOU GUYS

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

he got him to fling him away! YESSSS TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE. FOOL HIM ONCE, FUCKING OUCH, BUT FOOL HIM TWICE, AND LET’S SEE HOW YOU FUCKING LIKE IT YOU BIG WAD

so now Re-Destro is belatedly realizing that Tomura is going through a very weird leveling-up process and taking advantage of the fact that he’s temporarily become the main character of the series and thus possesses all of the narrative powers that come with that venerable distinction

...that he’s the main character? yes

anyways lol there’s some real good crazyface action going on here guys

did Horikoshi take the extra time just so he could devote a little longer to nailing down panels like this because if yes, A+++

SDSKJSODIFHOIESJ

it’s mom!! wow!!

DSLKFAJSLDK ARE WE GETTING BACKSTORY ON THE FUCKING SCARS OMFG I CAN’T THIS IS TOO MUCH

SOB YOU GUYS I’M CAUGHT UP IN THIS WEIRD CROSS BETWEEN BEING HYPED AF AND ALSO CRACKING THE FUCK UP NOW THOUGH, BECAUSE:

ALL OF THIS WAS SO FUCKING BADASS, AND THEN THAT LAST FUCKING PANEL, THOUGH. LMAO WELL HE’S ON THE BRINK OF SOMETHING, BUT WHO CAN EVEN FUCKING SAY WHAT

ANYWAY HE’S ZOOMING TOWARDS RD AND RD’S THINKING “HE’S FAST!” AND YEAH, BITCH, YOU SCARED??

WHAT ARE YOU THE PRESIDENT OF HIS FANCLUB NOW OR WHAT

you guys this is the most I’ve ever liked Re-Destro. there’s something about evil nemesis characters being begrudgingly impressed by their enemies that just pleases me, idk

LJSDFIJWEOF

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HIS FACE HE LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THE SCARY TREES FROM SNOW WHITE

OH SHIT YOU GUYS WE’RE BREAKING OUT THE TROPES

so do we get 100% when he goes up against Machia, then? smdh, fucking power levels. well I guess Deku technically uses them too. but still, it’s not something we see in this series too often aside from that

holy shit you guys

honestly, I guess this should be really intimidating or whatever, but all I can think is that it’s about time this guy finally started taking this “pitiable gang of thugs” seriously. even if that does mean Tomura is probably about to fucking die, barring some Giganto ex Machia. that guy really needs to get a move on

oh hey

[RAISES EYEBROW AT GIGANTOMACHIA AND JABS FINGER TOWARDS WRISTWATCH] cut it a little closer next time why don’t you??

(ETA: also I didn’t notice all of Tomura’s other hands being flung away from him by the impact, but whoa. so now he’s just got the Papa Hand left in his pocket, along with whichever hand is grabbing the back of his head. and that’s it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that his dad is the only remaining family member whose face we still haven’t seen yet. some big reveal coming up with that soon, I bet.)

oh and also guys here’s some more flashbacks. this time with loving grandparents. because Horikoshi just really wants to make sure our emotions are good and churned about

okay guys, Tenko’s very dead flashback!grandma and grandpa telling him not to cry and giving him yummy food so he won’t be sad is pretty much close to the limits of what I can take, angst-wise. I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard! this is hardly my first anime flashback! I should be a pro at this by this point, the fuck is wrong with me

but on the other hand, I think a big part of it is that I’m not just sad about Tomura’s past, but also angry. because none of this is just coincidence; all of it is actually stuff that was done to him very deliberately, and the worst part is he doesn’t even realize it. and so in addition to the usual rush of protective feelings, there’s also this sense of outrage about it all too. and I think that’s the harder part to deal with. here I am, a grown adult, getting really mad over the staggering cruelty of what was done to this fictional character when he was a child. it’s possible there’s some real-life anger and frustration over certain real-life horrific cruelties and injustices that may be bleeding over into this, idk. just, the world is a fucked up place, and my emotional support manga is currently being less than supportive and it’s a struggle sob

anyways sorry about that. meanwhile while I was having a mini breakdown, possibly the most pivotal character development in Tomura’s history was happening and HOLY SHIT THOUGH WAIT UP GUYS

sdfkdsfjwoilkkj BOY!!!!!!!

SOB HOW ARE THERE ONLY TWO PAGES LEFT I’M GONNA CRY THIS CHAPTER WENT BY SO FAST

-- HORIKOSHI WHY ARE YOU CUTTING AWAY FROM THE FLASHBACK OH MY GOD I’M GONNA!!!

FUCK ME, THIS IS WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR SO IMPATIENTLY, SO OF COURSE HORIKOSHI JUST HAD TO FINALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN RIGHT WHEN I WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING TO NOT CUT AWAY FROM THAT SCENE WE WERE JUST ON. THIS SADISTIC SON OF A...

...hee. but it’s hard to stay mad, though

... :)

:D :D :D

lol what. recall, if you may, that you guys are the ones who basically forced them to come down to your mountain city and kick your asses you dickasaurs

HAHAHAHAHAAA

SDLFKJLSDKFJ AND ALSO OH NOOOOOOOO

OH MY FUCKING GOD. AND THAT’S IT. THAT’S THE FUCKING CHAPTER. WHYYYYY

EAT IT YOU PRICKS, I HOPE GIGANTOMACHIA FLATTENS YOU ALL INTO NEXT WEEK

Tomura looks so freaking sad, you guys. he’s just standing there completely still and he looks like he’s just completely destroyed emotionally

and he said he remembered everything!?! so what the shit am I supposed to do, Horikoshi?? my boy is just standing there with seven fucking fingers and one shoe and so caught up in his sad reverie that he’s seemingly oblivious to the fact that the long-awaited cavalry has finally arrived. kid is maybe 2-3 chapters away from finally triumphing over this bald Disney tree man who talks too much. and not only that, but he’s more than likely going to finally win Gigantomachia’s loyalty in the process. which in turn means he’ll have access to Ujiko and all of his resources

so in short, this boy is minutes away from becoming one of the deadliest and most powerful forces on earth... and I’m pretty sure that right now, at this moment, none of that matters to him one iota

you guys. so what does this mean for future developments?? I’m really going to need him to define “everything” ASAP, for starters. that’s a very vague statement, and its implications could mean the difference between us just having a sadder-than-usual Tomura from this point out, or a Tomura that’s sad but also realizing for the first time that there’s a lot about his past that doesn’t quite add up, or hell, even a Tomura that’s actually out for fucking vengeance against AFO. that last one seems like too big of a jump to happen right away, but dare I at least hope for the second option though? god that would just be the icing on the cake for this fucking perfect arc

now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go do some yoga or chant some mantras or something holy shit. this fucking manga

[seekerofthemuse]

I just thought I might have ADD, bc nearly all the characteristics of a non-hyperactive type match me lol.

What if all these years of scolding me for the lack of attention were useless? All this "you're so smart, you can do everything, but you just don't want to, you lazy piece of shit" kind of stuff. Like, I was doing perfectly great in elementary and middle school and they remember and they demand me to get all a+'s, even though it's impossible now, obviously. I just can't focus most of the time, sometimes I open a book to revise smth and then my friend touches me and asks what I'm doing and I find myself staring at the wall in front of me. I don't hear what a teacher asks me even if I don't do anything but staring at something at the moment. That's quite weird. I forget what people say, I procrastinate way too much and I've always lived in a neverending mess. When I come back home at 5:30pm all I do is lie down telling myself that I'm gonna start doing that thing in an hour. In fact, I don't do shit next four hours. I easily lose motivation and criticism kills me and I take everything people say about me to heart, ugh. Reading books? More like rereading the same page again and again, bc I kinda was reading, but not really.

That's it, things don't really attract my attention, but if they do, they do it wholly and I'm not going to move on for next year or two and it has always been like that. I'm stick to something I already know and I don't have energy for exploring new stuff, making new acquaintances, etc. When a chemistry teacher explains something, I hear what she says first 5 minutes and then I just doodle at the corner of a page and I cannot resist. I don't remember shit. I'm always late, even if I get up earlier. I have some troubles with planning.

I've never met people with ad(h)d before, except online folks, (plenty of them actually haha), so I don't really know who to compare myself with.

Symptoms I googled are pretty accurate tho

[vivalabunbun]

Boo, You Nerd

Nerd!Namjoon x Bad girl! Reader.

Warnings: Fluff, violence, cussing, underage drinking, smoking, bullying, abuse, angst

Summary: Iron is hard, it's strong and cold. The best Iron is the ones that have been repeatedly beaten over and over and over again. When heated it can turn into a weapon; when chipped it can make a weapon. Gold is beautiful and precious. But so soft and delicate, simply pressing too hard can crush it. An iron bitch meets a golden nerd, what shift in fate will happen?

Chapter 1

“Did you hear that she got into another fight yesterday?”

“Huh?! That sophomore again? Geez, how many fights in total did she get in?”

“I don’t know, I heard that she’s part of the mob. She looks the part too, God, her face is scary.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s arrested soon for murd- Shit! She headed our way, don’t look at her!”

A pair of girls quickly pressed themselves up against the cool steel of their lockers, looking anywhere around the crowded hallway beside the ticking time bomb that was jaunting their way. The time bomb that was you. You strolled past the gossiping pair, face as emotionless as ever with your hands stuffed inside the pockets of your worn leather jacket. The other people in the hallway began to take notice of you, subtly moving aside as to not bump into you. Some of them avoided looking at you, but others gave in to the urge to cast a curious glance at you. The iron bitch.

You knew what they called you behind your back. ‘Miss. Chip-on-her-shoulder, short fuse, Icy bitch, the bad girl of BigHit High’. You also knew that almost all of them lacked the guts to say those names to your constant poker face. 

“Cowards.” You mumbled under your breath as you turned the corner. 

A warm mass crash into you, thankfully, your reflexes made you stand your ground. Your eyes trailed up the pile of books and papers now laying on the ground until they reached the dumbass that crashed into you. And there he was flat on his ass rubbing his lower back, his thick-framed glasses now rested crookedly on his nose. From behind the lenses, a pair of warm honey brown eyes opened up to meet your cold, dead gaze. He flinched back a bit, eyes wide and lips pressed into a straight line. A red flush was making its way up his cheeks.

“Ah! I’m really sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going, you aren’t hurt, right?” He practically jumped into a kneel, beginning to pick up his belongings.

“H-haha, sorry my friends always call me clumsy because I get too absorbed in my thoughts sometimes... hey wait, don’t we have English together?” His pump lips were pulled into a nervous smile, two crescent moon indents appeared in his soft cheeks.  

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “Tsk, shut up and watch it next time will ya.” You shot him an annoyed glance as you continued to walk past. 

The people watching the scene gave a sigh of relief, a few gave a disappointed moan. They wanted a bit of entertainment, to see you throw a punch. But you just left him there, in a pile of his own stuff blinking at your shrinking form as you moved further away. After a few more turns you were finally in a more secluded hallway where the roof excess was located. You didn’t even bother looking around for any teachers, they knew they couldn’t stop you anyway. Your crummy sneakers squeaked as you made your way up the two flights of concrete stairs until you finally pushed the steel door open, the warm Spring air kissed your face. Taking a moment to breathe in the heavy air, still better than being trapped in the building sharing the same air with those judgemental fuckers. From the distance, you could hear the hustle of the city that waited just past the stone walls that enclosed the school. Walking to the side of the fenced-in rooftop you plopped yourself down, back leaning against the shallow wall and metal chain-links. Tilting your head up to the cloudy blue sky of Seoul. A nice Spring day. Reaching into the secret pocket you had sown into your cousin’s old jacket, you pulled out a paperback. The cover was rubbed a bit too much, many of the pages had been repeatedly dog-eared, but the spine of the book was still in good condition. Flipping to where a yellow post-it was, you peeled it from the beige pages and began to read the small black words. 

You felt yourself getting pulled into the pacing and atmosphere of the novel before your concentration was shattered by awkward coughing. Once more annoyance began to bubble up inside you, you glanced up at the fidgeting boy in front of you. Great, you internally rolled your eyes. You just continued to pierce into him with your dead stare as he chewed a bit on his lush lips, trying to find the words to say to you. This went on until you finally had enough. 

“What.” It came out a bit harsher than you expected but at least it made him snap out of his trance. 

 “Oh...um I wanted to return these to you. It fell when we bumped into each other in the hall...” His long finger held a small crab keychain connected to your apartment keys.

You held out your free hand, and he gently dropped them into your wrapped palms. “Thanks.” You muttered, tucking the items away in a more secure pocket. 

You returned to reading your book, expecting the dimpled boy to just turn around and leave. But not everything one expects will always happen. 

“So, um what are you doing up here?” He looked down at his soft leather dress shoes. 

When you didn’t respond, he just tried again. “Beautiful day huh? Not too hot either.” 

You tried your best to ignore him and focus on the book, the next few chapters reading were due next period anyway. 

“Ah! A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith. Are you cramming in the readings that were due?”  He leaned his face closer, the dimples popped out on to his cheeks again. 

“Yes, but a dumbass keeps bothering me with sad conversation starters.” You snapped the paperback closed, a finger holding your spot. 

When your eyes met his honey orbs once more, he flinched at first, but then melted into a warm grin this eyes morphing into eye smiles. Deep dimples getting deeper. Even with your obvious annoyance at his presence, he stuck out a hand to you.

“I just wanted to introduce myself, I’m Kim Namjoon.” His hand waited for yours to return a handshake.

Instead, you just stared at it, then back to his face as if to say ‘seriously?’.  “You already know who I am.”

But the name rang a bell, sure he was in your English class (you never knew until he told you), but you had a feeling that you had met him somewhere before that. When you shifted a bit, the clacking of your key and keychain made something click in your memories. You remember sitting next to the dimpled boy during freshman orientation when he spotted the same crab keychain and complimented you on it. You said thanks and though that would be the end of it, but no the boy just kept gushing about crabs; how cool and cute they were and of how he loved to catch them to observe them. He then went on and on about useless facts that you couldn’t give two shits about. During the principles speech to the incoming freshman class, you quickly jumped into an empty seat far away from the crab freak as he focused on every sentimental bullshit that came from the old geezer's mouth. 

“You’re that crab freak.”

“Haha ouch, but at least you remember me.” He scratched the back of his head. Fingers brushing against his deep brown locks. 

You stared at him for a few minutes before you heaved out a heavy breath, “what do you want, crab freak.”

“It’s Namjoon!” 

You shot him a glare and he quickly snapped his mouth closed. 

“Um... I was just wondering if I could sit next to you. To eat my lunch outside, ya know, enjoy the nice Spring breeze.”

“No.”

“Cold... please, I promise I won’t bother you! I... just want to eat up here, it’s peaceful.”

“No, don’t you have friends to eat with? Go away.”

“Well, I do have friends but... they don’t have the same lunch as me... so...”

“Fuck off.”

“C’mon, please? I’ll give you some of my lunch.”

You thought for a moment. It was your lunch period after all, but you refused to go to the cafeteria for their shitty food. But you were hungry after just having a box of milk from the vending machine as breakfast. 

“What is it?” You glanced at the lunch box he held out to show you, there was a cartoon lion on it, Ryan, you believe that's what its called. 

“Pork cutlets with rice, in a ginger BBQ sauce.”

Fuck that sounded good. Your resolve couldn’t last long when the promise of food reached your brain. 

“Fine, but let me make this clear. This roof is my spot, and this will happen just this once.” You scowled at him as he beamed.

“Thank you so much!” He plotted himself next to you, a good six inches separated your bodies. 

You turned your attention back to finishing those last few chapters as he took the food and chopsticks from out of the navy bag. Surprisingly, he kept his promise to not bother you, Namjoon just sat there and enjoyed the nice Spring day. Your attention from the book only strayed when you turned to get a piece of the pork cutlet or a bite of rice. You were correct, it was damn good. ‘His mom must be one hell of a chief,’ you thought as you chewed the tender meat. Soon enough your eyes skimmed past the last few words that were written by Betty Smith, and you snapped the book closed and stretched. Right after you placed the novel down, you grabbed the container from Namjoon’s hands.

“H-hey!”

“Shut up, this was our deal.”

“I said we would share!”

“Too bad.” You took a big bite of rice.

From the corner of your eyes you saw his lips drop into a pout, he reminded you of a puppy with those honey eyes. 

“Humpf, alright I guess.” He soon flashed you that damned dimpled smile. 

There were a few seconds that passed where only the sound of your chewing filled the quiet space.

“So, what did you think of the book?” Namjoon tilted his head as he asked the question. 

You originally just wanted to ignore him and focus on the food, but maybe it was the nice breeze or your full belly that made you have a change of heart. He’s giving you his lunch, the least you could do was humor him with a small conversation. 

“I don’t know, just some sentimental bullshit, cheesy as ever.” You shrugged.

“Ah... I really enjoyed the book. It’s like as we read we see Francie grow up to a strong woman, like the trees in the book that grew from nothing.” He looked up at the sky, a twinkle in his eyes.

You rolled your eyes. “Sure, but all of that was ruined by the shitty deus ex machina the story pulled.” 

“Huh?” His curious eyes looked back down at you.

“Once the mom married that rich dick all their problems were magically solved,” you paused to swallow. “Just goes to saw ya how money solves everything.”

“Well, I didn’t interpret their marriage like that. I just saw it as them finally being able to move on and chase happiness. McShane is such a nice guy and they love each other. It was tragic for them when Johnny died.”

You placed the container down along with your chopsticks, a frown ever so present on your lips. His doe eyes followed your movement, concern was present in them. Stuffing the book back into the hidden pocket you stood up.

“Listen, everyone is free to think about the book however they please.” Turning your head to give him a cold stare. “But I’m telling you that it ain’t realistic. Poor shits like them in the real world don’t have that kind of luck to get happiness by fucking a richer dick. They’re just gonna be unlucky poor shits, working themselves to death only to blow their meager earnings on booze.” 

You turned back around to walk towards the door back into the school. “Ha, at least the alcohol might have finally done its job on Johnny boy.”   

With that you walked through the doorway, it slams shut behind you as your foot took the first step back down. Leaving Namjoon alone and dazed again by your actions on the rooftop, the Spring air still rustling his hair. 

You almost forgot about the conversation you had with the nerdy crab enthusiast on the rooftop, just going through your other periods either sleeping on the desk or looking out the window. Your teachers gave up on trying to make you pay attention to their copy and paste slideshow lessons. You breezed through those periods like it was any other day. Finally, the bell rang which signaled your last period before you could leave without getting in trouble; not that you cared, you just didn’t want to be dragged back by the cops again. You casually scrolled into your English classroom and dropped yourself down at a desk in the far corner of the room. Pulling the book and a pencil from out of your pocket, you placed them on the desk. Then proceeded to rest your head on the desk, you just wanted this day to be over so you could take a walk around the city, maybe steal from the convenient store down the street. You felt a presence standing over you, peering up your suspicions were confirmed. It’s Namjoon again. 

You almost groaned out of annoyance. “The fuck do you want now.”

 “Nothing just wanted to say hi again.” He gave you a soft eye smile.

“Okay, now go away.” You buried your head back into your arms.

 He followed your orders and sat back down in his desk, a few rows away from you. Then the bell rang and the English teacher, Mr. Young starts the class off with a reading check. The details of the last chapters were still fresh in your head so it wasn’t a problem. English was probably the only class you gave some effort in, not that you would admit it. After collecting and organizing the papers on to his desk he cleared his throat.

 “Alright class, as you all know the end of this school year is coming real soon. So, as per tradition, you will be assigned a final project. You and the partner I pair you up with may use any of the novels we’ve read this year, connect any of the themes of the book with a real-world counterpart. Now before I explain any further, let’s get you into your assigned pairs.” 

You rested your face, on one hand, leaning on the desk. Your mind began to wonder as he called out names you won’t bother to remember, belonging to a faceless crowd. Then you heard him call your name.

“Huh?” You snapped your eyes directly at Mr. Young.

He let out a breath of frustration, “If you actually paid attention you would’ve heard that I paired you up with Kim Namjoon.”

Your face almost showed your disdain of being paired up once more with that annoying nerd. Mr. Young continued on. “Now that you have your pairs, this project is worth half your final grade for this class. It will be due in two weeks. I suggest that all of you use the class time wisely and start planning.” 

And with that Mr. Young sat back down at his desk and began to grade as your classmates got up to their partners. It didn’t take long for Namjoon to take a seat at the desk next to yours. You a quick glance at him, and yep that stupid dimpled grin was on his face.

“Wow, I can’t believe we actually got paired up!” His honey orbs stared at you, eager to hear your reply. 

You internally weighted the pros and cons of being his partner. He is super smart, the smartest in the school in fact so you probably won’t have to do any work. You reasoned, however, he’s super annoying. You guess you just had to deal with it to get a free A in the class.

 “So, I was thinking that we should make our project on the novel, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. It’s a very interesting story and I think you would...” 

You tuned him out after that, not bothering to listen to the words that seem to just gush out of his mouth like a broken dam. You took the time to observe him and his strange fashion sense, denim overalls with a white shirt and dress shoes? ‘Where did he get this outfit idea from? The farmer’s market?’ You thought.

“Hey, hey, hey!”

You snapped your attention back to his face. “Were you even listening?” His lips formed a pout once more. 

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes a bit at his ridiculous pestering of you, he really didn’t know how to read social cues. Finally, the bell of freedom rang and you shot up from your seat, taking your pencil and book with one hand you began to walk towards the door.

“Hey! Wait! You didn’t listen to my plan, how are we supposed to work on this together?” He called out after you.

Stopping you turned your head to face him, then a cruel smirk stretched across your face. “Do it by yourself, nerd.” You disappeared into the crowded hallway. 

After retrieving you black bag from out of your locker, you walked out into the courtyard the air filled with the chatter and latest gossip. You paid the people no mind as you focused on walking towards the gates you had just crossed it when a voice behind you boomed out through the air.

“WAIT!” All the chatter in the courtyard quieted down, their eyes peering at the source of the cry.

You took in a deep breath and turned around. Yep, it was Namjoon marching towards you with his cheeks flushed from the commotion he just caused.

 “You’re really pushing it.” You sneered out at him as he stopped right in front of you. 

“Sorry, but we need to work on this project together.”

“I told you to do it yourself.”

“No, we have to work on it together! It’s life half your English grade.”

“I don’t care.” You turned back around and began to walk away. “If you care so much just fucking do it yourself.”

“H-hey no, that’s not right. Tell you what, would you be willing to work on it together with me if I treated you to a meal right now?” He took long strides to catch up.

Your pace slowed to a stop, he froze right beside you.

 “What am I? A fucking dog?” You growled at him, a murderous glare pierced into him.

“N-no I-”

“You think you can just throw me some food and I’ll follow your every command?” You stepped a bit closer to him as he back away a bit. “Be honest with me, did the bitch ass teacher make you chase after me?”

People and students on the street couldn’t help but stare at the scene before them as they walked by, mumbling amongst each other. ‘Poor kid.’ ‘Shit! In broad daylight?’ ‘Is a fight going to start?’ ‘I want to watch if it does.’ ‘Don’t, she’s gonna fucking tear him limb by limb.’

He stood back up straight and cleared his throat while readjusting his glasses. “No, he didn’t. I’m doing this of my free will. I... didn’t mean to offend you in any way... I just wanted you and me to work on this project together.”

He scratched the back of his head, the blush on his cheeks also grew darker. “I, um, also wanted to invite you out for a meal as an apology... because I seem to have offended you during lunch... and now... but also because I... enjoy talking to you.”

You blinked at him, hardly processing the words he just dumped on you.

 “What the fuck?”

“You’re very interesting.”

“You tryna ask me out, fucktard?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

In an instant, his face flushed a violent red; reminding you of the shell of a steamed crab. 

“N-no! Not like that! Just an apology meal! On me!” He stuttered and began to flail his hand around, trying to explain why it wasn’t a date. 

You just stood there watching as he got more flustered by the second, his face was turning so red you believed he was going to past out soon. His face, the freaked out gestures of his hand, and the nervous pitch of his voice. You couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle, stopping him mid-freak out.

 “Fine, fine. I was getting hungry again anyway. Whatever, but I get to choose where and get to eat as much as I want.” You shifted your weight and peered up at him.

Namjoon’s face was frozen in shock at first, but then a stupid grin broke out onto his face again. “Sure, eat as much as you want!”

“Be careful, I might eat you into financial ruin.” You began walking down the street once more.

“I doubt you will.” The dimpled idiot trotted back to our side, a slight bounce in his step.

You just rolled your eyes at him, but couldn’t help feeling the smallest smile tug at the corners of your mouth. ‘This fucking nerd.’ You thought.

  Hey! It’s me again, back with one out of the many wips I finally and actually finished writing! Woah! Expect a part two of this series real soon because I’ve been on a roll with this story. I might also be posting another Joon fic again, sorry but I just have been inspired by him so much lately. I’ll try my best to finish the wips I have of all the other members and post them as soon as I can, but please be patient with me! Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed this story! Feel free to drop by my inbox!

[ask-svt-hearteu]

All The Stars ` Wen Junhui

Anon requested: “ hey! can i request a jun oneshot where the reader is an artist? like how does he deal with reader having a breakdown over some small mistake and their way of thinking? basically just what he thinks about having an artistic partner. oh, if it's not too much can you write it in jun's pov? thanks a lot 💕 “

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1928

to Jun

you were radiant

there had always been something

a feeling

that made him know

you’re the one

he remembered that first day

when he had been wondering the classrooms of the university aimlessly 

ditching English literature was a favorite hobby of his

the class was too easy

the easiest A to get for a general education class he knew 

not to mention as a theater major 

he already ate, breathed, and lived literature 

there was no need for him to show up to such a useless class

and so

English lit 101 was spent wondering the campus of the university

finding the best spots to read for an hour

or discovering the unexplored corners of campus

or going out to town to try all the local restaurants and determine which ox tail soup was the best

and it was on one of these faithful days that he stumbled across room 610

a dark shady classroom rarely ever in use 

he quietly opened the door and slipped inside dropping his bag 

pulling aside some of the curtains from the front of the room

he revealed a few floor-to-ceiling studio mirrors

and gave himself a small smile

as he reached into his bag and pulled out a small CD player

and clicked play

the music gently filled the room

Jun breathed in

letting not just air to enter his system 

but the music itself

let the notes fill his lungs and his head

let the music lead his actions

as he carefully

but surely

confidently

danced through his own routine of his own creation for the song 

one he spent hours trying to perfect

until it became second nature

until it was no longer a dance

but merely an extension of his thoughts

and he felt like flying

with the music 

he gently laid down on his back smiling up at the ceiling after it ended

what a high

the best feeling in the world was when he was dancing

he couldn’t imagine doing anything else

he didn’t seem to notice someone standing in the doorway to that very classroom

that Jun wasn’t the only one who took refuge in room 610

but you did too

and as your voice broke through the silence

Jun likes to think it was that moment

the very moment you first spoke to him

that made him fall in love with you

he likes to tell it that way

the look of surprise on his face clear as day when you caught him 

“How long have you been standing there?” He said

“The whole time.”

“I didn’t expect anyone to be in here.”

“Neither did I”

Jun stared at you passively at that moment he knew

the way the slit of sunlight rested right on your face 

illuminating your eyes

and the look of pure amazement

that you gave him

“I’m really sorry to ask if this sounds weird but... Can you stay here for a few minutes?”

Jun raised his eyebrows but didn’t object 

after all you were the one who had caught him having a moment

he stood frozen in his spot as you ran across the room and slid onto the floor uncovering a pile of canvasses he had never noticed before

his breath caught

on the canvasses were some of the most beautiful paintings he had ever seen

he watched quietly as you pulled a sketchbook from the pile of art supplies and sat crisscrossed on the ground

the tip of your pencil gliding easily across the surface of the page never pausing in hesitation once

and he suddenly thought

that perhaps that pencil was dancing too

that you drawing was like him dancing

an extension of a person and their thoughts

an expression of something that no words could ever describe

he was mesmerized as your fingers flew across the page

slowly taking form and matter

he couldn’t look away

this is why he names the moment he fell for you

because from this moment he saw more about your heart 

saw just how meaningful that pencil on the paper was

as the music and dancing was for him

you both had offered up a piece of your hearts right there 

he watched as you sighed

satisfied for once as you lifted the sketchbook for him to see

and he was breathless

on the sketchbook page

was him

but it was more than just Jun himself he thought

the figure in the drawing was him

but it was him freed

a sketch of his figure mid dance 

as the curtains fluttered in the background of the drawing 

his clothes loosely flowing around him before forming wings 

a picture of an angel

lost to the happiness of mid flight 

“I know it’s not very good...” you sighed quietly turning the drawing away from him before ripping the page out and putting away the sketchbook and the pencil

you walked over to him still standing there 

but he couldn’t stop staring at you

as you gently placed the drawing in his hand

“You can throw it away if you want.” You shrugged before turning away

Jun grabbed your arm quickly and turned you back to face him

“What’s your name?”

“Y/N”

“Do you... maybe wanna grab a coffee or something?” He said rubbing the back of his neck nervously

“I’d love to.”

it was one of those storybook meetings

one for romance novels or the movies

the two of you sort of just clicked

you were both pretty different in some aspects 

but made up for what the other was lacking

and you both were also similar too

he became something like paradise for you

after a long day of classes and work

you’d plop down on the sofa and he’d make you something to eat

even if he was tired

or you’d both just lay together in bed staring up at the ceiling and talking

about anything

about everything

about how stupid that one chemistry professor was before they fired them

or how that freshman accidentally pulled the fire alarm

or about Jun’s latest show adventures

or about this showcase you entered artwork for

Jun would just hold you in his arms

let you rest your head on his chest

as he played with your hair

and listened to you talk

you were nearly inseparable

he’d hold your hand whenever he got the chance

“Jun, I can’t do any integral calculus if you’re holding the hand I write with.”

“Hmm that’s too bad for calculus then...”

“Jun...”

“Yes Y/N my love? Hehe...”

“I need my hand to get my stuff”

“That’s really too bad for your stuff...”

“JUN OH MY GOSH JUST LET GO FOR A SECOND.”

“NEVER HAHA.”

and how the classes without him literally stretched into infinity 

he would stare at the clock thinking

“only half an hour before I get to see Y/N...”

yes you were that couple

and when he finally was free 

he’d literally run up to you 

catching your face in his hands

before his lips brushed yours

“Jun we’re in public-“

“I’m ok with being that couple if you are.”

giggling into his next kiss as he pulled you closer

“Ok ok really we have to go to class.”

“Awwww but whyyyyyy.”

“Because we have to come on.”

there were moments where he’d just stare at you

thinking how incredible it was

how incredible you are

and just staring fondly at your smile

and ruffling your hair playfully every time he passed you in the halls

or tapping your left shoulder only to appear on your right side

and ordering Chinese food takeout to eat on the floor of class 610 when you were both ditching

and running around in the early morning when he dragged you to run through the sprinklers

“JUN I’M WEARING CLOTHES THAT AREN’T WATER PROOF.”

“AWWW come on it’s fun!!!”

and laughing like crazy at the water droplets across your gray sweatshirt

or how he’d randomly show up with stuffed plushies and flowers on those days where you weren’t feeling your best

almost as if he could read your mind

when stress and sadness washed over you

he seemed to know and would cheer you up somehow

whether it was by his little pranks

or his attention to little details

like your favorite ice cream to get if you failed an important test

Jun saw you through it all

the good and the bad

because he loved you

Jun noticed things

about people and of course about you

those moments when you were working on an important piece for class

or when you were just painting in your free time

he noticed the little frown

the sigh of frustration

the dozens of crumpled sketches you had deemed “not good enough”

and ended up as trash 

the little furrow of your eyebrows when something wasn’t going the way you wanted them to

or when you had spent hours working on something

only to throw the canvas on the ground because of a mistake and sit and cry

he noticed

and he knew

as someone who had attempted to perfect his own skills

he got equally frustrated with himself over the smallest of mistakes

but seeing you tear yourself apart

the snidest self deprecating comments

it broke his heart

“Why can’t I do anything right?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

the words that fell from your lips about yourself

the words Jun hated hearing the most

and the nights where you would lock yourself in the bathroom because the colors and shapes had started to swim around your head

float off the pages

contort and twist in your nightmares

you didn’t understand

couldn’t get why you couldn’t do anything correctly

and it was Jun on the outside of the locked bathroom door

quietly singing your favorite lullaby 

making sure you had something to eat when you stayed up all night in the studio

who held you in his arms when you said you weren’t enough

and told you he loved you over and over again

and that your art was beautiful

that mistakes defined who we were

that mistakes could be beautiful

he knew what it was like to get torn up by yourself in your own thoughts

and so he did his best to tell you that you were worth all the stars

Jun was your stars

he brightened up the darkest nights 

made you laugh

maybe that was naturally what those who create think

he couldn’t think he was enough

until he saw that first sketch of him you ever did

and suddenly he felt whole 

like this was who he was meant to be

and you had helped him too

Jun led you out one night

“Where are we going?”

“Haha you’ll see.”

the two of you walked along together hand in hand 

until you reached the beach

it was cold at night

but the city lights sparkles off the water

and if you squinted

you could sill see the stars

he laid out a blanket for you to sit on before holding you in his arms for warmth

“Are you a camera?” 

“Oh my god Jun no stop.”

“Because I smile every time I see you.”

“Please no more cheesy pick up lines”

“Oh come on you love them.”

“No I really don’t .”

“You do too.”

“Pfft no.”

“Fine But you love me right?”

“Oh my gosh.”

“ADMIT IT!”

“Yes I love you of course.”

and he would respond 

“I love you.”

he was your angel

and you were all the stars 

MASTERLIST

[internetremix]

Did any of you guys go to art college or art school? If so, do you have any advice for that? (Portfolio, applying, all that nonsense.)

Hi anon! Kristen here, this has been sitting in our askbox for a bit and now I finally have time to answer it. Warning this is very long, as are most things I type. I’m also gonna hit up other Artsy IR members to see if they have any thoughts.

I went to art college- Kendall College of Art and Design, starting back in 2008 and graduated in 2012. I went for traditional illustration because I wanted to do children’s books, though I also self-taught myself digital illustration and applied a lot of what I learned to said digital work. I have a Bachelor’s degree, yaaaay.First of all, if you really want to go into art as a career, there are some things you should consider. 10 years out from when I applied to art school, we’re living  in a different world. Art school is a lot of money and student loans are a monster I’ll be stuck battling for some time... and now-a-days, that stuff isn’t really necessary. There are a variety of online tutorials and courses you can take for free or for considerably cheaper. There are thousands of art communities, and with hard work and good networking you can make it just as far if not farther than someone with a degree. We’re very much in an age where being a self-made entrepreneur is considerably easier than it ever was before. So you need to throughly consider if the price tag is worth it to you.Art school does do a few things. A good school should have some solid foundational classes that give you the chance to experiment in everything and often force you to do so. If I hadn’t gone to art school, I probably wouldn’t have tried traditional watercolor work at all, and that’s what got me my first serious illustration job. Also a good school should give you access to professors who have been in your industry who can give you solid advice and also, gasp, connections.

Connections are a pretty vital thing, especially depending on what you want to go into. I’m not an expect on animation, but from what I know a lot of people who are currently working in the field got their start at California Institute of the Arts. Depending on where you are in the world, if you’re in a hotspot for whatever industry you want to go into, a big name school can be a major help for you. If you don’t really live in a place where that’s an option, i.e. you’re me and you live in the void  Michigan, you’re not paying for as many networking opportunities, so you may want to seriously consider if art school is worth it.

Art school also gives you the benefit to really focus on art hard if you play your cards right. I was able to go it full time due to grants and scholarships, which was intense but definitely pushed me through some major improvements. However, I knew other students who worked full time on top of being in school full time, and they didn’t get as much out of it. The big thing about art school, as is the case with any school, is you really only get what you put into it. Your professor can show you all the techniques in the world, but until you know what that technique feels like in your own hands, it’s useless.If you decide to go for a school, be sure to look into things like post-graduation hiring rates. Also ask current students there how they feel about the school- depending on the department at Kendall, people had very different things to say and they weren’t always positive. Thoroughly consider where you want to specialize, different schools will have different specialities even if they supposedly offer a bit of everything.

If you’re unsure on your speciality, that’s okay! Definitely still take foundational classes either online or perhaps at a community college. The more you experiment, the closer you will get to finding what you want, and that will make art school a lot more useful to you when you decide to enroll.

If you ever take any art class, ever, and it’s something you want to do for a career, take that shit seriously. I know I said up there “you get what you put into it” but I gotta say it again. My first year of art school I was going through a lot (not entirely my fault) but I also took several classes not terribly seriously because I was like “whatever man I don’t want to do this, this isn’t my major.” In retrospect I thoroughly regret not paying more attention in those classes, because those foundations would have helped a lot with struggles I had later on. If you want to do art as a career, you gotta REALLY want it and you gotta really focus.

I can’t really tell you if art school is right for you or not. I personally don’t regret my time there or my slightly scary debt, but I also benefitted from some grants to make my loans at least manageable and a number of other factors have gotten me to the point where I’m a full time freelance illustrator.If you decide to go for art school, check the portfolio requirements for every place you apply to. Different places will have different requirements. For me, I was required to have over half my work showing off my various foundational skills- still lifes are good, life drawing is good, oooh look ma I can use pastels AND I’ve got a tablet and can do digital stuff wowowowowow. I was told to try to keep anything cartoony/stylized down to a few pieces- unless you’ve received A TON of positive feedback about your personal style I wouldn’t use it too much because you’re probably still developing and that style’s gonna change A TON as you go through school.

Keep an eye on the acceptance rate at the school. If it’s EXTREMELY HIGH, that may show a lack of standards. This is actually bad because this means the school is basically letting people show up, taking their money, and then going “welp here’s your degree, good luck somehow getting a job in an EXTREMELY competitive field.”

Another thing you may want to ask is hey, how well does this school prepare you for marketing yourself once you get out of school. Most people I know who graduated from Kendall don’t have art jobs, and the primary reason for this is our teaching for self-marketing was really not great.

Whether you decide to go to art school or not, here’s some stuff you should really be working on if you want to go into art or get better at it:

FIGURE DRAWING plz. Please do figure drawing. Honestly, the more realistic you do with this, the better. “But Kristen I wanna do cartoons!” I get it, I do too. However, learning realistic anatomy actually benefits cartoony stuff a lot. Once you get a feel for how something actually works and is proportioned, it’s easier to exaggerate and adjust proportions without making it look weird. Draw a figure standing enough times and you’ll get a feel for how weight is positioned, and that means when you make those legs noodles they won’t look awkward. This website is a great tool for online figure drawing work for you to practice on your own, I highly recommend it! Or sit down and do it with a friend, it’s fun!“But Kristen, figure drawing is booooori-” Then once you’re done drawing the figure, make it a character. I actually have a lot of figure drawing and gestures that I turned into IR characters because I’m very cool.PRACTICE DIFFERENT BODY SHAPES BOYOPERSPECTIVE This one I am a lot worse at. But this has some good points on perspective. What I like to do is find a photo of a room or something and try to draw it to the best of my ability, then add my OCs to it. I LOATHE the perspective part but it’s good practice and usually at the end you have a nice day-in-the-life kinda feel to things, it’s like “wow my characters exist in a world instead of white space amazing.”Do some COLOR SWATCH CHALLENGES!

Also just... try everything. Even stuff you hate the first time. I hated watercolor when I first did it, but as I said before, that’s what I got my first job doing.

Above all else, make sure you draw every day. If you want to do art as a career or just want to get better at the hobby- the difference between someone who makes this thing a career and someone who doesn’t is the person who cares about it so much that they make time for art even when life is chaos around them.

I have other thoughts but this is long enough as is. Uh, thanks for coming to my TED Talk and I hope you find this useful, haha.-Kristen

[pjbehindthesun]

chapter 2: the tick, the duck, and the cat

Sat, June 9th, 1990

“…hey, are you locked out?” a hesitant voice travels down the dim hallway of my floor. How long have I been standing here, staring vacantly at my own front door? Long enough to raise the suspicion of a well-meaning neighbor, at least. I can’t see his face from here, but the voice and the outline are enough to identify him as the guy in #46.

“Oh, uh, no…”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” That’s a lie, but I’m not about to explain the truth to 46, so I wave awkwardly at him as I key into my apartment. I’m not really one for getting to know my neighbors anyway, except for Lucy, and I’ll tell her about it tomorrow, maybe. The truth is I’ve been standing out here and mentally kicking myself in the ass for picking this pointless fight with Alex. It really wasn’t fair of me. He was never going to go. He would have hated the whole day, and he definitely would have hated Chris. There’s no way I would have enjoyed such a nice conversation with that charming near-arsonist if I’d been shepherding poor, grumbling Alex through the woods. So maybe the whole fight was a win-win in disguise. Hey, look, I found a silver lining. Gotta remember to tell Lucy, she’ll be so proud.

The apartment is dark and quiet, and the clock on the VCR tells me it’s 11:24. Can’t blame him for not waiting up. I leave my muddy hiking boots on the towel by the door and make my way to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

The bedroom’s dark too. The lanky heap of boyfriend seems not to have woken up, so I pad across the rug and slip under the quilt behind him.

“You’re home,” he slurs.

“Mm-hmm, sorry I woke you.” I snuggle a little closer to the familiar curve of his body, finding my place and pressing kisses onto his back. “Hey listen, about today –”

“Forget it.”

“Forget it?”

“Yeah. It’s fine babe, forget about it.” He turns over and props himself up on one elbow, and I can just make out the outline of his face but not his expression.

“You sure? You’re not still mad?”

“Nah.” He brushes my arm with the back of his hand.

I cock an eyebrow, not that he can see in this darkness. “'Nah’? Seriously, that’s it, ‘nah’?”

“What, you’d prefer another fight?”

“No, no… I just… I figured you would still be mad, that’s all…” I mean I’m not going to complain about the lack of the usual silent treatment, but… “what’d you get up to tonight?”

“Oh, went over to Brian’s for a while, hung out with him and the guys from work. Usual stuff.”

“Oh good! So one of these days I’m actually going to get to meet these guys, yes?” I give him a gentle shove in the chest.

“Oh yeah, definitely, definitely. So did you have fun?”

“I mean, yeah, of course. It was a gorgeous day for it.” I venture a peck on his lips, but he dodges and wrinkles his nose. “Wha -”

“Ugh, gross Cora, you smell like moss. How do I know you’re not all covered in ticks and shit?”

Okay, now I know you’re over it, you adorable asshole. “I swear on a stack of Bibles, I am not all covered in ticks and shit,” I struggle to keep a straight face.

“Your Bible pledge is worthless and you know it, you heathen,” he glowers, “and that, right there, that looks like a tick…” he stabs at a spot on my shoulder with his finger. “Hmmph. Freckle.”

“Okay. Stack of textbooks, then. Tick-free zone.”

“What about this one?”

He prods a couple more freckles, muttering to himself, occasionally glancing disapprovingly at me as I barely manage not to crack up. Soon his search moves down across my chest, and his head disappears under the blanket.

“And you expect to identify arachnids under cover of darkness how, exactly?” I giggle as his pokes tickle my belly.

“You’re right. Better switch investigation methods.” He starts kissing a line down my stomach, across my hip, down my thigh, and suddenly I can’t remember what we fought about or why…

*** Sun, June 10th, 1990

Definitely this dress for work tomorrow, the light gray one. It’s still totally professional, but it hits in all the right places, and Jake… Jake’s been stopping by my desk a lot more lately, even though the main billing desk in the hospital is nowhere near his rounds. I almost had the courage to form actual words last week when he brought me a coffee and asked me how I was doing. Maybe this dress will help me feel ever-so-slightly less pathetic and actually answer him if he tries again? Maybe?

Fuck, is this really the only light-colored piece of laundry in the entire apartment? Really? I have to do an entire load of laundry just to feel confident enough to finally talk to Jake tomorrow? Fuck that, I won’t accept defeat, I’m calling upstairs.

“Hello?”

“Hey lady! How was the hike?”

“Lucy! You’re not going to believe what happened, you’re gonna freak out.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“I should make you guess…” the mischief on Cora’s face is thick enough to be heard through the phone line, so whatever it is, it’s good.

“Haha oh fuck you… hey before I forget, do you have any white laundry that needs washing? I was gonna run some but I don’t have enough to justify sacrificing quarters.”

“Uhm, let me check…” I hear her rummaging around. “Yeah, actually, I could scrounge up some stuff, between me and Alex. Thanks!”

“Okay, I’ll be right up, I’ll try to come up with some good guesses on my way.”

I grab my laundry basket, tossing my keys and coin purse in, and head out the door and up the stairs to Cora’s. Okay, what happened to her in the woods? Did she… find magic mushrooms and trip her brains out? meet and outrun the Green River killer? somehow convince Alex to go hiking with her this time? Honestly, the first two are more plausible…

“Oof! Hey, easy –” I hear a man’s voice say, presumably belonging to the person I just slammed into at the top of the stairwell while I was totally lost in thought. I send my laundry flying in my futile effort not to tumble back down the stairs, but I can feel myself falling back over the top step in slow motion – fuuuuck… so this is how it ends, at the tender age of 23, scrambling like Wile. E. fucking Coyote over a cliff’s edge – when a hand grabs hold of my arm and snaps me back into the hallway.

“Close one! You okay?”

I look up in the direction of the question and see a scruffy blonde guy, much taller than me, still holding my arm with one hand and a basketball with the other, standing amid a mountain of laundry and wearing my tiniest pink gym shorts draped over his head like a headscarf and a pair of bright green panties on his shoulder. I officially wish I’d fallen to my death.

“Yes! I’m okay! I’m okay, thank you… uh, I think those are mine” I stammer as I reach out to grab my stuff, but he’s faster. He lets go of my arm to pull my laundry off with a chuckle, tossing it into my basket and then straightening the bandana he has holding back his long hair.

“Yeah, lime green’s just not my color,” he says with a little laugh. Okay, so now that my shorts are off his face I can see that he’s completely gorgeous too, and my humiliation is complete. I can feel myself blushing madly. I try for some words, but all that comes out of my mouth is a crazy-sounding and high-pitched giggle. I busy myself with re-filling my laundry basket to avoid looking at him, and he stoops down to help.

“What’s your name?”

Underwear Guy is asking you a question. Think. THINK DAMN IT. What is your name?

I squeak out, “L … Lucy. Lucy Rosenfelder.” Oh good, actual human speech is returning.

“Well, that makes me Jeff. Ament. Number 46.” He points his thumb back over his head in the direction I was originally going, before our collision. “You live on this floor too? Don’t think I’ve seen you.”

“No, I live downstairs, third floor, I was just visiting my friend down that way –”

“And doing their laundry? Man, I’ve gotta have a talk with my friends, bunch of useless fucks.” He grins as he gently tosses my plastic rubber ducky coin purse back into the basket. God why do I have to be such a child? All of my possessions have decided to embarrass me today. They must be unionized.

“Ha – no, just throwing a couple things in together. Friends don’t let friends waste laundry quarters, right?” god why do you have to be such a dork? stop talking stop talking stop talking he must think you’re a total loser.

But he smiles at me again. It’s a really good smile. It’s warm and easy and wholesome in an all-American sort of way, but his eyes gleam with trouble. Somehow all the jitters vanish when he’s smiling at me.

“Ooh, so you’re a responsible type,” he teases, “just say no… to half-empty washing machines! Well, I think we got all of it, unless I’m wearing a rogue bra in my hair or something…” he combs his long hair with his fingers, and the flush creeps back up my face.

“SoJeffwhatdoyoudo?” Please talk about anything but my underwear.

“Oh, I work over at the Raison d’Etre, you know, the cafe? Living the dream.”

“Hah, aren’t we all.”

“And your dream would be…?”

“Well, it’s definitely not medical billing. And yet.”

“And yet.” he chuckles, smiling that warm, knowing smile at me again. His eyes are this amazing gray-blue, like a veil of rain I want to run right into. I scramble for something to say so I don’t stare too long and make him think I’m a total weirdo.

“So, uh, if the dream isn’t espresso, then what is it?”

He looks down at his basketball and fidgets with it a little. “Uh, well I play bass, but, I think –” he turns around at the sound of a door opening behind him.

“Luce? Is that you out there? Did you get lost??” Cora laughs, before noticing Jeff. “Oh, uh, sorry to interrupt…” she grins wickedly and disappears back inside.

Jeff turns back to me with a sly smile and clucks his tongue. “Cinderelly, Cinderelly… better let you get back to those chores…” there’s a little gravel in his voice every now and again, just the smallest rough scrape when he trails off, and it makes me want to lean a little closer every time I hear it.

“Jeff, it was nice to meet you, and, uh, thanks for saving my neck…” I hold out my hand awkwardly and he takes it in his to give it a shake. Big hands, warm and calloused. I’m in no hurry to let go, and it seems he isn’t either.

“Anytime, Lucy. It’s, uh, it’s a nice neck.” He cocks an eyebrow and before I can get my bearings, he’s off down the stairs. How is it possible I’ve never noticed this guy all the time he’s been Cora’s neighbor? Oh, right, Cora…

She had left the door ajar for me, so I walk in without knocking and see the usual scene: Cora sitting at the kitchen table behind a mountain of books, Alex on the couch with his hands fused to a Nintendo controller. He calls “hey Luce” without even glancing up from the screen, but Cora’s trying (and failing) to hide her smile behind a wall of red hair as she feigns maximum interest in her beaten-up copy of Advanced Soil Mechanics.

“Oh hey Lucy!” she’s going for a surprised look but she sucks at lying. “Make a new friend out there?”

“Just getting to know your neighbor, you should try it sometime,” I sneer back, dropping my laundry basket and heading for the fridge to steal a beer.

“Who, the blonde guy? Ugh, tell him to fuck off with his fucking music, would you? Do you have any idea what it’s like to try to work with Dee Dee fucking Ramone down the hall?” The lump on the couch chimes in.

Cora bites her lip and nods dutifully in agreement with Alex, not that he notices, but stands up to grab a beer with me in the kitchen and whispers, “well, I mean, I actually like the soundtrack…”

“The view’s not bad either, you ever met the guy?” I reply in a conspiratorial whisper, Underwear Guy’s eyes still swimming in my head.

Cora shakes her head quickly with a significant glance at the back of Alex’s head. “Hey let’s get you that laundry,” she says, and she’s pulling me down the hallway.

Once we’re in their room with the door shut, I pounce onto her bed and take a sip of beer while she rummages through the hamper.

“Hey, sorry, I wasn’t trying to get you in trouble…”

“Oh no it’s fine, he’d just be an asshole about it.” She shrugs it off, but fuck if she’s not right. “So? Tell me everything?” she grins expectantly at me, obviously trying to change the subject, so I fill her in on my encounter with Jeff.

“Hahahaha oh my god Lucy, it figures that would happen to you!”

“Ugh, shut up, why?”

“Shyest girl I know, literally throwing her panties at a musician?” her grin is pure evil, and she dodges as I toss a pillow at her head. “So on a scale of one to kill-me-now, how embarrassed were you?”

“I wanted to throw myself back down the fucking stairs!”

“Oh, come on,” she parks on the bed and nudges me, “I bet it was fine, you guys looked like you were having a nice talk when I saw you, no underwear anywhere.”

“By then I’d collected it all, it was only my self-respect I lost.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, Lucy. You’re gorgeous and I bet he didn’t mind one bit. Didn’t look like he was suffering when I saw you…”

“Well, he was a gentleman about it. You really haven’t ever talked to him? He’s so nice.”

She’s grinning at me with amusement in her eyes. “Not much, no, just in passing. Like last night he said hi as I was keying into the apartment.”

“Oh yeah! So what will I not believe about this hike of yours? Alex didn’t actually go, did he?”

“No, come on, of course he didn’t. We fought about it” – uh huh, and water is wet and bears shit in the woods – “but it’s probably for the best he didn’t come with me.”

“Why?”

As she tells me the whole story, I can see why she’s glad Alex stayed home. He’s a jealous prick on a good day, I can’t imagine him tagging along for that encounter.

“So did we get you enough laundry? What did you so desperately need to wash anyway? All your stuff’s bright colors…” she roots through my laundry basket… “ah hah! The Jake Dress!” she holds it up, looking as triumphant as a cat who’s caught the fattest mouse.

“It is NOT the Jake dress!” I try to snatch it out of her hands but she bounds off the bed and waves it at me. “I mean, okay…” to be honest, until she mentioned him I had totally forgotten about Jake, Jake who?

“I knew it. You’re so cute. Own up to it, Luce, you look super hot in this dress! I bet Dr. Hottie thinks so too.”

“Ugh, well first of all don’t call him that” – I swat at her head and she ducks – “and secondly it’s the only thing I own that doesn’t make me look like a beanpole, you’re lucky you’re short.”

“You’re insane, you know that? You’re literally the classic American girl next door. I’m sure Jeff thought so and I know Dr. Hott–” I give her my best death glare “– I mean Jake agrees, why else does he loiter at your desk to flirt with you all the time?” she trails off with Cheshire Cat mirth spreading across her face.

After we make plans for our next movie night, I collect the laundry and wave goodbye to Alex, who mumbles “seeya Luce” on my way out the door. Once I close the door to #41 behind me, I can’t help but glance down at #46. I know he’s not home now, but I wonder when he’ll get back. I wonder if he’s wondering about me too. 

[franeridart]

Hey!!! I hope this isn't weird but, What bands/singers do u like?? My music doesn't makes me exited anymore, which sucks! So im looking for new people to listen to! And i remember u putting a link of one of the new songs of all time low to your kiribaku art and i love that album also you are one of my fave artist so i thought i could ask u too! If u don't mind ofcourse!!! I hope this doesn't bother u! (I guess this is kind of useless info ahhhh i hope u don't mind!)

It’s absolutely not weird so don’t worry about it, but it’s!!!! sort of an hard question to answer because more or less anything that can fall under the very huge umbrella of the rock label is fair game for me haha the two bands I’ve been calling my favorite for longer right now are Alter Bridge and Tremonti, lately I’ve been really into Nothing More, I have a super weak spot for Halestorm too right now - I like most post-hardcore, but Pierce The Veil and Bring Me The Horizon are my faves? But, well, all this stuff is really different compared to All Time Low… since you liked them you could try Tonight Alive or One OK Rock! You Me At Six work too I think, and… Andy Black’s solo album was more pop-ish but on the same genre too, so try that one maybe! Oh and Young Guns!!!! I love Young Guns how could I forget them, they’re in this type of punk too! 

Sorry, this isn’t exactly just my faves haha I love music too much, it’s hard to pick a limited number of artists for me rip

Anon said:HIIIIIII!! First of all, i love you and your art. Now, where is the bokuroo???? :C please draw some bokuroo, i miss those two! Maybe some fluffly? But also kiribaku is good, i started shipping those two thanks to you! And sorry for my bad english. Bye bye!!

Hi! Thanks for liking my stuff!!! And I’ve talked about why I’m not drawing much Haikyuu lately right here but to make it easy because of some reasons inspiration is really low in that fandom for me right now so!!! I’ll have to ask you to be patient with the lack of content that might not be changing until Bo and Kuro start being relevant in the manga again

Anon said:Fran… it’s not bc the heat is killing YOU that you have to kill US, what’s with all the beef suddenly. seriously. > : C (jk thank you for it hhh)

LMAO is this about Deku it feels like this is about Deku hahaha

Anon said:I feel like your art style has changed a bit over the few months, all in good way tho! The characters’ dimensions seem to be more dynamic, little things like hands and limbs in general feel very natural. Your Bakugou and Kirishima are both very consistent too and have a nice design to them!

This is my favorite ask ever, I’ve read it fifty times and I’ll probably read it more in the future thank you so much??? I’ve actually been feeling like my style has gotten all over the place lately so knowing you find it consistent and natural means so much to me ;A; you really did make my day, thank you!!!

Anon said:Story challenge! Take your favorite otp’s/ot3’s and give one of them cancer

*sweeps angst under the closest carpet* anon this is weird for some reason I can’t seem to be able to read your ask

Anon said:I swear to the gods Your art is too pure You are responsible for 2/5ths of my bnha pix folder. I loooooooooooooooovvvvveeeeee bakukamikiri now because of yooou *crys because my art isn’t as good*

SOB thank you so much oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:This episode was so intense wow. Can I just say that I absolutely adore Todoroki. This boy deserves so much love

I KNOW RIGHT he’s such a good boy such a pure nerd such a strong sprout I love him so much I’m so so so glad he’s healing !!!!!

Anon said:Hello, can I marry your art? Especially Bakugou with undercut, he stole my heart *^* and holly fuck, you have a big plus from me for knowing “Shark Boy and Lava Girl”. Before I found it, I thought I can’t love you more. How foolish of me. (And you drew my smol yellow husbando from Haikyuu, god bless you my dear)

I don’t know who the yellow husband is exactly but I’m!!!!!!!!!!!! super glad you like my stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you so much holy smokes!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:I had to babysit earlier and the kids were watching lab rats. The line “They’re a boy band I’ve been working on, and the twist is, one of them’s a girl” gave me the biggest bakusquad vibes I’m crying

I’ve been laughing at this ask for seventy-five years you don’t understand hahahaha it’s so accurate p l e a s e best description of the sqaud I’ve ever read lmao

Anon said:I LOVE ALL OF YOUR ART IT’S SO COMFORTING AND CALM AND SMOOTH im crying

THANK YOU OH MY G ODS AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I love the way you draw Denki’s hair. I feel like over time, Hori has gradually made the spiky back pieces blend more with the length of the back of his hair, but I personally love it where it looks more like cowlick-y (… I guess I’m making that a word) and messy like how it always looked in the beginning and how you draw it. Why is this boy so unbearably cute?

Ahhhhhh thanksss!!!!!!! I’m glad you like how I draw him cause honestly Horikoshi has no clue what he’s doing while drawing him so actually finding a way to draw his hair that worked was hard - Hori sort of… does whatever! I’ve re-read the first volume lately and Denki didn’t even use to have hair long enough to tie??? He looked so funny, really haha I’m sorta tempted to draw him like that…

[cosmosogler]

the other day on the phone mom told me that dad’s feelings were hurt because i didn’t say goodbye to him enough when i left.

ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 

i woke up this morning. i wish i could remember my dreams a little better. it feels like there’s something that keeps happening over and over and i can’t ever remember what it is no matter how many times it happens. 

maybe it’s just that feeling of deja vu more than actually experiencing the same... “thing” in my dreams night after night. the ones i’ve written down only had a common thread of feeling, like, resigned. tired. quiet.

i’m not sure how to say what i’m thinking right now. i’ll try to work up to it i guess.

the internet was out all morning so i didn’t get to bum around on tumblr or check my emails. i filled up my water bottles and put them in the fridge. i’ve got seven water bottles stored for the ~2 projected days of the hurricane. that should be enough. i don’t think the power or water would be out for that long. and if it is out for that long, the storm will have passed by the time i’d need to leave the apartment.

my sister isn’t willing to send over ANY gamecube games for the console here. so that plan is a bust i guess. i keep forgetting i can’t really... well, i can always expect for her to do what she wants.

oh. the governor just closed every school in florida. tomorrow. through monday. current projections put the hurricane directly over my town. as a category 3.

welp! i am SUPER glad i decided to bring all my textbooks home today *just in case*. i’ll have something to do for the next four days.

haha my comments in the grad chat won the honor of being the first-ever liked text message in our channel.

guess i don’t have to worry about going to bed exactly on time tonight then. i’ll keep writing.

i taught for four hours straight today. i’m upset at how many dumb, careless mistakes i’ve been making. i tell myself i’m doing the best i can and then i just... forget things. they don’t even occur to me until it’s too late. the absolute worst though was when the student from my third section who doesn’t speak a lot of english came in. i called him by the wrong name. there were two names on the roster i recognized as chinese and i... picked the one i remembered calling him last week. so not only was i wrong this time, i had been wrong last week when i’d been talking to him. jesus christ. i examined some of my priorities and tendencies to rush into things after that for a while.

i apologized twice and also tried to call him by the right name a couple times while talking to him about the lab afterward. he did pretty good this week though.

after that i don’t really know what i did. i guess i must have had a snack. i’m kind of drawing a blank on what happened between 2 and 4 though. maybe i just watched youtube videos in my office... i’d meant to read but i never really got to it. i did eventually buckle down and find and call a dentist, and get all my other medical paperwork sorted. i did Actual Work until near 6 even though none of it was schoolwork. i waited a half hour for the bus and then when i got home i made cauli tots.

cauli tots are like tater tots, but with cauliflower instead of taters.

snoopy was a little more receptive to playing today. i was so proud of her when she batted at the toy i was waving in front of her. 

then i watched youtube videos all evening!!! like a punk!!!!!!!!!!!

suicidal thoughts are weird. to experience, i guess. like i am continually bombarded by the realization that i am currently sitting in some kind of mysterious box with light coming out of the top. and i am looking at a couple pieces of metal with a glowing thing. and then i think, “wow, i am really good for nothing, i am really unhappy, i am really not a good person to know, i am really just going to be a sad irredeemable lump for the next 20 years just like the last 20 years.”

i just. i guess when i realized i was going to die someday (at ~5 or 6) there was a kind of relief? in knowing i could do it myself, maybe? maybe i am misremembering my years before christian school. i know i was experiencing symptoms of depression before christian school. but i didn’t have those words so i wasn’t really... looking for those symptoms or recognizing that they weren’t the same as what other people were experiencing throughout childhood.

there’s a certain sort of resignation you get when at an early age you think, “something’s really wrong with me.” and then you’re proven right over and over and over. heart defects. depression. being Pretty Gay.

i know none of those things are “wrong” but as a kid different is always wrong.

taking the physics prelim. “no, you don’t understand, i felt REALLY bad about how i did on this test.” “you’re fine! everyone was nervous!” “no, you really don’t UNDERSTAND.”

i was right.

i keep telling myself i’m not stupid like someday i’ll believe it but i keep getting reminded over and over again how stupid i really am, how many stupid careless mistakes i make, how little energy i can commit toward being not stupid and dumb and bad.

like, “kill yourself” is such an easy thing to think. it’s so disorienting to actually think it though. to get from 

“i complain about everything even though that never fixed anything” ->

“i needed help and no one came, why can’t i recognize and react to these patterns, complaining is useless but i do it anyway” ->

“complaining is annoying AND i can’t trust people, i’ll never have close friends” ->

“i want to die.”

dying is fine! they’ll just write me off as selfish anyway!! i’m turning into one of those CRAZY crazies who can’t/just WON’T get better!!! 

i don’t like the way the world kind of warps when i get those thoughts. words stop meaning anything. feelings stop meaning anything. the way the scab on my finger knuckle hurts when i bump it doesn’t mean anything. 

writing all these journal entries, spending 40 minutes spewing all my thoughts everywhere on a blog every day... it looks like i am doing a lot of hard work examining myself! but it’s not hard work. it’s fake work. it’s fake. i can’t get better because i’m not working hard enough to change. i can’t do better at physics or therapy or whatever the hell until i start putting in real work instead of fake work.

and i’m stupid because i can’t tell what the difference is.

i’m... seeing the new psychiatrist in 11 days. they will probably want to change up my meds. but i’m tired of wanting to just sleep all the time. well, i mean, i want to sleep all the time anyway, but with meds this ineffective i can push away that feeling and keep going! “keep going,” i say, as i talk about how i very specifically do not want to keep going. 

i was trying to figure out how to explain my depression to taylor and luis in the office today when luis asked what i had, that i was getting accommodations. i wanted to say “it used to be worse but now it’s kind of settled into a casual nihilism that i think is funny and charming but it mostly just makes everyone worried.”

i say it used to be “worse” but i’m not sure what worse means here. like the feeling was a lot sharper five years ago, sure. it was a lot more painful when it got bad. my grades were somehow even worse than they are now. i didn’t want to talk to anyone.

i guess it was worse then. now it’s just like, oh, this again. guess i gotta get up and Face The Day; nothing better to do.

that’s the worst, i think. my group therapist at the hospital pointed it out. “why are you here?” she would ask. “eh, nothing better to do i guess,” i’d answer and kind of half-smile. she’d express concern at my lack of commitment. maybe that’s what really killed my ability to get better using that therapy in the end. 

everyone else participates and sometimes doesn’t come if they don’t wanna. i come every single time but don’t really participate. i fake participate. i mostly only share things i know don’t matter that much. i put my foot in and hope that’s good enough, that maybe the pool will swim for me if i show up wearing a swim suit.

isn’t that what i’m really doing? i’m having trouble breaking down what’s going on there. i can’t tell. i can’t tell what “real” effort is and what “fake” effort is. i guess fake effort is, like, playing it safe? only changing things i feel comfortable changing? 

but like... how am i supposed to make changes i’m not comfortable with? i think about this stuff all the time. i feel that i should be able to adopt healthier coping/boundary strategies without fundamentally changing the way i approach interactions with other people. that feels like something i shouldn’t change, not just something i don’t want to change. how am i supposed to become the person i want to be if i don’t like the way i am changing? 

i mean i don’t like the way i am changing either way but going for it deliberately feels like a betrayal. 

i’m so stupid. i keep asking mom for advice or comfort even though i know 100% that i am not going to get it from her. she has maybe said one useful thing to me in my life and i don’t think it’s something she also thought was actually useful. maybe i still want someone to just tell me what to do and mom was such an effective all-consuming eldritch helicopter parent that i just look to her EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO. i mean, i don’t even like other people’s parents! i don’t like other people’s parents BECAUSE of my parents!! and i still keep going to them???

i don’t know what to do. i want someone to tell me what to do so i don’t have to figure it out myself. i’m so tired all the time it feels like i’m never going to figure it out. i can’t tell if i’m an effective problem-solver for little problems that require improvisation or if i’m just really good at googling stuff and following those directions, written by someone else. every problem i solve i feel like i should attribute to someone else even when i never actually asked for help or looked anything up. i can’t even remember any examples off the top of my head. i don’t think about them. i just do them.

i said “i” a lot today. i always talk about myself. even though this is my journal and is specifically meant for me to talk about myself? i feel like i’m doing something wrong. even using “i” statements when being honest and direct with people feels like... i’m being selfish by talking about myself. even though that’s what you’re supposed to do, that’s what therapists teach you to do to communicate effectively.

i promise i was this miserable this afternoon. i didn’t “ruin a good mood” i had tonight by focusing on just the negatives. i just plain feel bad!

[retphienix]

undefined

Now this game. This game.

What you're seeing is just a quick roundup of what I had for the final fight. No-one was properly equipped because this game is terrible and requires equipping garbage in order to learn skills and I didn't bother to equip my 'good' stuff for the final showdown. Partially because I forgot. Also, Montblanc was nearly completely useless the entire game.

After this terrible experience I can say I fully understand why little kid me hated this game near immediately, and I'm thankful he didn't attempt to push through because all of this pains me. I also understand why apparently the cart I have has a hacked main save, even the previous owner couldn't handle seriously playing this piece of crap.

Here is where I'll throw the readmore as I'm just going to let my frustrations out a bit. I may tackle some of the good things I can come up with but those impatient just know my takeaway from this title is: It's not the worst game on its own merits, but to me it might as well be. It's the sequel to FFT but every single change they made was for the worse to the point of it being downright insulting.

It's the worst because of what it did to FFT. It's "just a bad game" if you ignore what it did to FFT.

I only showcase the 6 people I actually used for one. Something amusing about the systems in place working against themselves is that learning abilities is painfully slow and poorly implemented, which means levels additional characters can add many many hours of grind onto the title. Or you can just "not" do that, so I didn't. The skill system is among the biggest problems with this title, and I say that with full knowledge of "invincible because we said so with no thematic reasoning" bosses and writing so poor it actually brings me pain.

You learn skills by equipping an item that teaches the skill, then participate in enough fights for the skill to finally be learned. Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And realize that you can usually only equip 1 item that teaches you a skill at a time per character since it's primarily taught through weapons. And repeat.

This is undoubtedly the most annoying and tedious part of the game. It undermined the job system by instead making it about what weapon you equipped to learn about, rather than what job you leveled as to become proficient at. Not to mention the skills are braindead as can be and for the most part attempt to make every class the same.

In FFT every class was unique. In FFTA every class carries nearly identical skills, with a couple small differences.

Want to be a melee job? Well you have an aimed attack, an inaccurate heavy attack, probably a ranged attack, and probably a self heal. Want to be a ranged job? Well you have an aimed attack and normal attacks that also proc status. Want to be a magic job? Well you have 3-5 spells that all do the same thing but with different elements.

Do you want to know what ACTUALLY makes these jobs special? Downwards of 3 skills per class.

FFT had Chemists being the only class using items. Knights being the only class that destroys equipment. Thiefs being the only class that steal equipment (or hearts!). White mage being the heal magic. Black for damage magic. Oracle for status magic. Monk for a balance between DPS (Knight) and healing (WM or Chemist). Archers had the unique charge system that abused the CT system (a system that doesn't matter at all in this game). Geomancers merging Knights and Black Mage in a UNIQUE way that demands you pay attention to what terrain you're on. Ninja's inately dual wield. A class dedicated to inviting enemies to join you which worked on any non-story enemy in the game, compared to FFTA being able to 'bank' monsters. I could go on for way too long here, especially when you consider the unique job classes of the special characters like Engineers or Holy Swordsman.

What's this game do? Every class does the same things except one can steal things (thief), two rip off geomancer by dumbing it down to painful levels (Ninja and Elementalist), we have somewhere around 4 classes that use bows (Archer/Sniper/Assassin/Hunter) and they use them the same way, hit them with an aimed shot or hit them with a status shot. Gunner exists and is literally just an archer with the same "status" shots. Fighter and Monk are the same class basically. Red Mage exists for no reason at all especially when you realize they have to RELEARN all the spells they already learned BUT THIS TIME AS A RED MAGE. ALREADY KNOW CURE? WELL SCREW YOU LEARN IT AGAIN. And Assassin can learn an instant KO or two to give them the illusion of flavor.

More or less every class has the same skills, just different visual effects. And sometimes they skimp on that with things like the aimed attacks. The lack of flavor to any class is painful and makes them all feel uselessly similar. The ninja doesn't even innately dual wield, what kind of decision was that? I saw one class that interested me and it turned out to be useless. The Illusionist, which is entirely improperly named due to what they do, is a raid wide spelluser. Except they learn very few spells. And they all do terrible damage. It's a bad math skill from FFT. Not to mention there is a severe lack of skills in comparison to FFT which means every class has fewer tools to work with than before, so they NEEDED those tools to be unique and instead they copy paste in order to maintain some weird and restrictive form of balance.

Skills actively make this game worse and demand you ignore your equipment because good equipment is useless to you (Oh, you got an ultimate sword? Useless. It doesn't teach any skills. Ignore it until end game when your stats will be so out of wack that you won't need it), and they push you to grind again and again and again in order to feel like any kind of progression has happened.

So let's talk about equipment for a second because this blows my mind. In this game you get ULTIMATE WEAPONS from other FF games, and SUPER END GAME MEGA GEAR from FFT at like the halfway point. And you get a lot of it.

Just about every dispatch mission or mission in general rewards you with things like Save the Queen and Excalibur or the Yoichi Bow. But all of these pieces of equipment have been nerfed significantly and made useless generally by the skill system demanding you keep changing equipment. Why make something as cool as legendary weapons feel like a drop in my inventory bucket? I often got legendary gear and just shrugged it off because they added +1 damage to my party member at the cost of teaching no skills.

Accuracy was also out of wack in this game but I'm not sure how I felt about it. There was the obvious computer bias where enemies would hit every 30% chance strike they went for while I could miss 5 70% strikes in a row, but I mainly mean everyone everywhere had really low chances to strike. Ambushing from behind might net you 80% which felt off.

Gameplay wise the accuracy didn't really effect anything, but it was strange to see everyone save for those with concentrate hitting 65% rolls regularly.

The story was painful. I've ranted enough about it but really it comes down to it's practically written for toddlers as it goes beyond childish and it dwells far too much on selfish unrealistic characters. For a normal game this is embarrassing, for the sequel to FFT it's downright insulting.

The bosses suck. Encounters in general are pretty terrible, but you'd think there would be more variety in what you are challenged with. Statuses almost never came up and I kept attempting to prepare for when they would but the worst I ever saw was a monster that spams a raid wide sleep spell and archers using Aim Arm to dont act my characters. That's not nearly enough diversity especially when they carried over all the different anti-status tools from FFT to this game. The bosses almost all resorted to "haha, don't I have a lot of minions? You should probably hit them instead of me~~~~" which in FFT I would happily hit them because the game's fun. Since this game is NOT fun, I just strike the bosses and find that they have no counter for this strategy.

You can DPS race every boss in this game. Every one. With poorly geared party members. And without grinding to be above the encounter in any way.

The scariest fight I had was Adrammelech because dragon enemies are powerful at that stage of the game and I still just ran straight ahead and hit him with all my party members for a quick kill. I was PAINFULLY weak at that stage too as I was leveling as random poor growth classes and it still worked.

Levels make for a funny subject as well. I mentioned that it's pointless to grind up your alts because skills make it too time consuming to do so meaningfully. They give you a LOT of alts, and the alts actually drag down the encounter levels.

I heard that encounters were based off of your highest level. I can confirm they are not. Perhaps the story missions are, but every encounter in the game is based off your average level, not highest.

This made the first quarter of my gameplay very confusing as every encounter was locked at level 6 while I was at level 15. I couldn't level up at all unless I spammed self-target moves that always give 10 xp because attacking the weak enemies gave 1 xp.

I was growing annoyed at every encounter being useless for me and just a pointless grind for skill points until I realized what was happening and dismissed all my non-leveled members.

Immediately the game became more playable and I'm left wondering why in the world they would do that. Why give me a new low level member every mission and expect me to level all of them equally?

Regardless, it was remedied, just poorly designed.

I wasn't fond of making the map as it prevented Ivalice from feeling like a real place at all. Yes, that's a little thematic what with it being a story book but even for a story book this "place your plot" map was uninteresting and tore me away from thinking this world made any sense at all.

Oh! The CT change in which every skill in the entire game is immediate and requires no timing or strategy at all for “charging” practically killed 90% of the strategy you could have! How hilarious! Gotta love spamming your biggest ultima blast immediately just like when you attack or use a simple fire spell!

I feel like I have nothing good to say and like I could go on for quite a while more. I wanted to say it's alright as a dumbed down 'kid' version of FFT, except it's not. If you enjoyed it, fantastic, but what I see is an unbalanced mess that's unfit for kids and unfun for me. Of course, that's what opinions are. I just really love FFT and hate this game. So that's that.

(Part 2)

[steelsuit]

windyren replied to your photoset “Eriadnus ovo/”

Now do the alt mode. I dare you, I DARE YOU. Jk, I don't dare you, that'd be to cruel....No but seriously, do the *shot*

this is one of the sketches of his alt that I'm more happy with, still not final tho. ‘<’/ I’m not too  good with vehicles tbh. He’s sort of a solar plane, the turbines hide under the shoulder guards.