#klaus was doing so good he was sober but they made him be the like strange uncle with germphobia

[samsloves]

was so excited for season 4 of umbrella academy and boy is it bad 🥲

five my boy what did those writers do to you?? klaus too

[nexus-my-beloved]

Umbrella Academy where everything is the same (NOT) but Klaus took the bullet for Dave in Vietnam. Klaus comes back (not realizing he should, in fact, be VERY dead) to a Dave that is heartbroken and thinks he is dead, scares the shit out of him by reassuring that he is not in fact a part of the afterlife, and brings up the briefcase and bringing Dave back with him to 2019. Dave agrees and Klaus gets on track to being semi-sober with Dave's help. Umbrella Academy where everything is the same (NOT) but Ben didn't check the tank and blew it up like he was supposed to. A world where he walked home from the mission and waited for Five to come back like Viktor did when he made Five nutfluff sandwiches every night. Umbrella Academy where everything is the same (NOT) but Allison didn't rumor Claire and went to therapy and took deep breaths and didn't mess things up. A world where she kept her daughter and even if she and Patrick split she still was in good graces to spend time with her kid. Umbrella Academy where everything is the same (NOT) but Diego got Patch's message in time and managed to make it to the hotel room to either help her deal with Hazel & Cha-Cha or he got there before her injuries were too far gone and he was able to save her. A world where he kept her safe. Umbrella Academy where everything is the same (NOT) but Luther let Five do his job instead of threatening to drop Dolores out the window to keep Five from murdering people that might kick-start the apocalypse. A world where Luther understood where Five was coming from and didn't threaten to break the only thing that Five had learned to love. Umbrella Academy where everything is the same (NOT) but someone found out Viktor had powers and helped get him off of his power-supressing meds and helped him figure out how to use them. A world where Viktor was helped rather than left to spiral into a mindless rage that would end the world. Umbrella Academy where everything is the same (NOT) but Five learns about the subway before meeting the Handler and he learns potential outcomes and how best to solve the apocalypse. A world where he takes the Handler's deal but he breaks down the comission (or at least removes her from it, creep) and gets back to his family, and despite looking young he is alive, everyone is alive, and he checks the subway regularly (that he has made a map of) for potential oncoming threats. He learned at a young age during one of his subway explorations that he would inevitably kill Lila's parents, and he never does it, pretends to get the mission done so that his cover isn't blown before he goes home. Umbrella Academy where everything turns out okay because Five utilized the subway, people listened to each other, and they didn't have poor timing. Umbrella Academy where things didn't hurt as bad. A "do-over", if you will. Like "The Day That Wasn't" episode.

[lowkeyrobin]

still so disappointed that mr pennycrumb [fives dog in the comics] didnt rlly appear much in the show </3

ok ok so its the academy's birthday and the reader is insanely good at gift giving and never forgets to give presents if theres smth special happening. they hand out the gifts to everyone except they avoid five and disappear w/o them knowing where they went, only to come back at dusk w/ a larger box. obviously five went insane and rambles on how worried he was before the reader finally shuts him up by plopping the box on him, and boom. theres a puppy.

[loved the last viktor fic btw. literally bawled my eyes out]

- 🦇

OMG YES the only appearance we saw was in s3 when Luther went on a jog before he got napped :( ; and thank you!! I got bored and I couldn't extend it any further so it's kinda dumb but it's alr haha ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; also sorry this is so short and dumb idk writers block is so picky

FIVE HARGREEVES ; mr pennycrumb

summary ; when the umbrella academys birthdays roll around, you get five a whole ass dog

warnings ; language

disclaimers ; some of the gifts are related to hobbies/interests that are more of hcs than actual canon

word count ; 738

masterlist

When you walked into Allison's with multiple boxes and bags for the Hargreeves, they all knew you were at it again with your insane yet accurate gift giving. They started with cake, then moved over to presents.

Gift giving in the family was like secret Santa in a way. Everyone would essentially get gifts for all the others, and they'd pass around gifts one by one, usually by number order. Luther was always first, Viktor always last. Lila usually snuck in around Diego, because duh. Viktor had gotten used to being last, the forgotten one. But around his family now, he knew it wasn't like that anymore. He'd rather go last so everyone else could have their special time on their special day.

So, the group sets the gifts tagged for Luther on the table in front of him. The kids halfway watch from afar, paying attention to the TV and their toys more than their celebrating parents, aunts, and uncles.

You were among the minority in the house that didn't share a birthday with them, thank God. You would've gone insane over big birthdays like this.

Five, meanwhile, was going insane over you basically ignoring him all day.

You'd gotten Luther some workout gear, knowing he'd taken up going to the gym within the past couple of years. Among other gifts were little trinkets and other things he wanted. He was a little hard to shop for, never really wanting anything, enjoying the quality time over any gift giving.

Next was Diego, and inside the gift you got for him, was a knife sharpening kit. He'd lost his old one just in time. Lila came up next, receiving a few nice outfits you found for her and a gift card to Cosmoprof, as she'd been thinking about re-dyeing her hair to white again.

Next up was Allison, grateful for the numerous acting job business cards you'd given her on top of a bunch of books that were on her Amazon wishlist. She was a serious reader who wanted to get back into acting, now.

Klaus was after her, ecstatic about a carry-around cleaning kit. You were going to go with a joint maker to make his life easier before he got sober. Now he wouldn't need a full bag of cleaning supplies, he'd have your perfect gift.

Five decided to go last, wanting to watch his family be happy more than open presents himself.

Ben was next, receiving some letters from modeling agencies. As he should.

Viktor was second to last, very appreciative for the new drink recipes you'd made and found for him atop the pile of clothes you'd gotten him.

You disappeared around dusk, leaving Five to open his presents without presence. He was physically eighteen, mentally sixty-two today.

As he looks up, seeing the lack of you around, he hides a soft frown. He noticed how you weren't standing near him all night, how you barely even spoke around him.

"Did you do something to Y/n?" Klaus asks out of the blue. "They just kinda... dissappeared"

Five shrugs. "I don't think I did. Even if I did do something, they'd talk it out with me"

Allison shrugs. "I think that's them" she comments, looking out the screen door to see you pull up in your car again. "Diego, could you get the door?"

Diego turns around, unlocking the door for you, holding it open as he sees you holding a big box.

"Why is that box bigger than you?"

"Also, why is it moving?"

You set the box on the table in front of Five, a wide smile on your face. "Open it"

He slowly sets aside the large box of coffee pods he received from Diego to the side, slowly reaching for the box flaps. As he pulls them to the side, out jumps a little dog.

"Oh my God?"

Five smiles, pulling the puppy into his lap. He looks up at you, a glimmer in his eyes. "Why did you get me a dog?"

You shrug, moving the box off the table. "You're a lonely old man, you need some company"

He chuckles, petting the pug's head.

"What're you gonna name it?" Ben asks, arms crossed.

"Him" You correct

"Mr. Pennycrumb" Five answers.

"Why?" Luther asks.

The physically younger boy shrugs. "Why not?"

"Interesting choice" Klaus mutters with a shrug.

Five smiles up at you, giddy like a little kid. "Thank you"

"I try"

[talekinesis]

Reasons I will not Accept Umbrella Academy Season 4 as Canon (major spoilers)

I wanna preface this with: This is just my personal opinion, I am not telling anyone how they should or shouldn't feel. If you liked season 4, that is wonderful for you, I wish I could say the same

These two. I do not like their little romantic side plot at all for a multitude of reasons

I know Five's consciousness is like 68, I know he's technically an old man, but his body is around 19 years old, and Lila knew him while his body was still 13 so it just feels weird

I cannot imagine being in my 30s, married with children and being in love with someone who looks like they're 19, and yes, I know 7 years alone will do numbers on someone's mind, but still

throughout their whole little love montage, I was just begging, "Please let this just be a wholesome friend thing, please let this just be a cute, close sibling like dynamic- FUCK ME, THEYRE KISSING!?"

Also Five wasn't even good to her, he lied about the book at first and just made the decision for her that she'd stay with him in that timeline forever. And yes I know he eventually told her, but even after that he kept trying to convince her to just abandon her husband, children, and family because "You're happy here." Diego and Lila have their own issues, sure, but he's still the much better option and wouldn't have tried to trap her like that.

Season 4 Five just feels.. off, he feels wrong. Bring back his little shorts and old man vests when he was in 'retirement.' Bring back the Five that went on a road trip with Klaus because he wanted to see things like the world's biggest ball of yarn or whatever it was, I don't like this Five who tries to trap a married mother in an alternate dimension with him

THE CLEANSE

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

YOU'RE GONNA SIT THERE AND TELL ME NONE OF THEM MAKE IT??

"Oh Talon, there can't always be happy endings, some endings are sad too," and I GET THAT!! But that doesn't mean I can't still pout about it >:(

I will sit here with a pouty lip and arms crossed for all eternity /ref

It just felt like a kick to the gut for the show to be like, "Oh and they ceased to exist, they were never born, none of this technically ever happened, and no one remembered or missed them. They saved the world, the timeline, and no one will ever remember them for it because it technically didn't actually happen to begin with," fuck you

These characters we got so attached to, these plots that we got so invested in, you can't just tell me, "Also they technically never happened because they were never born," what the hell??

So you know what?? No. I don't accept s4 as real. Just like the cleanse, it never happened. As far as I'm concerned, the story ended at s3, everyone is alive and well, they don't have their powers, and they all went their separate ways.

Viktor is still running a bar in Canada with his friends

Allison is still a happy mother to Claire

Luther is living in the mansion married to Sloane

Diego is still learning to be a parent with Lila

Five is in much needed therapy and in college reclaiming a young adulthood life he never had

Klaus is still sober and going strong, probably working at a café, he's someone's favorite barista and they have conversations

Ben is living in South Korea (where google said he was at the end of s3) and he still keeps in contact with Klaus and Viktor

[klausysworld]

Can you do a part two of Not So Secret Obsession based on this line part that features anal?

“Raise your ass again and I’ll bury myself inside it” he whispered lowly and she moaned loudly in response

“I assure you, I would have no complaints” she practically purred, his pupils dilated further as the image of her stuffed with his cock in her ass and fingers in her cunt.”

Full

Klaus’s nose brushed just over Y/n’s, his forehead just touching hers as her back pressed flat against the cool wall. His pressed against her throat and his fingers gripped the sides of her neck. Her chest rose and fall with each breath and her doe eyes gazed into his hooded. It took so much for him not to fuck her right there. Bend her over his knee and spank her round ass after what she had pulled today. But he had other plans for that ass of hers. Much better plans.

Y/n here had thought going to a club with her friends would have been a good idea. She had gotten drunk and let another man grind against her ass like a horny dog. That’s how Klaus found her, high and off her face while dry humping someone as Hayley, Rebekah and Davina cheered her on. Those three had already had the scolding of a lifetime. But he had waited to punish y/n until the next day when she was sober and would remember every last thing he did to her.

She had hidden from him all morning but he had her now, had to chase her up the stairs but he got her and she was utterly fucked…or she would be.

Her mouth moved to speak but his finger pressed to her lips, silencing her and she didn’t dare fight him. “I don’t want to hear your apologies, no excuses, no nothing out of you” he warned her and she nodded her head almost unnoticeably. “Good.” He whispered lowly, his breath fanning her her face as her lashes fluttered.

His eyes lowered down her body before back to her face. “Take them off” he ordered and she nimbly undressed herself. Each button undone and her arms moved out of the sleeves quickly before she folded the clothes and dropped them to the floor. Klaus watched her in amusement as she folded each item she removed, never wanting to make a mess of his room. His irises darkened further when she slipped her bra off, her nipples already hard and staring at him. He allowed his hold on her neck to loosen for her to bends down and pull her underwear off, placing them on top her pile of clothes.

Both his hands moved to the top of her head, smoothing along her messy hair making it flatten. Up or down? He wondered to himself. Down, he decided, he wanted her to be an absolute state when he was finished with her. Sweaty and exhausted. He could picture it perfectly, spread out against the sheets with her hair sprawled out, body trembling and her mind unable to comprehend words.

The image along had his hands either side over her head and his lips hovering over her neck. But he kept himself together and stood tall infront of her. Head straight but eyes down on her as her legs crossed and she nibbled to bottom lip.

“You’re going to be a very good girl today. Do you understand? You will not complain. You will not talk unless it is a moan of my name and you will not go against anything I tell you.” He told her in a dangerous tone. His head ducked to me her height “tell Daddy you understand, Babygirl” he instructed and her face went redder.

“I understand Daddy” She whispered and he held her gaze

“Good. Now you go and get on the bed while I go get your toys” he whispered and she swallowed thickly

“Yes Daddy” she uttered, waiting for him to step back before walking to the neatly made bed and sitting upon the cold covers. Her breathing got a little more shallow as she waited nervously as he disappeared for a moment.

When he returned her heart rate skyrocketed at the familiar black box he held. He walked over, placing the box infront of her and lifting the lid. He moved to kneel beside her, the back of her head to his chest and her body between his thighs. The denim of his jeans caressed her hips as she sat with her legs open wide like he liked with the box resting in the space between her knees. He leans forward causing her to go forward with him as he pressed his weight onto her, enjoying how easily she folded. He pulled the box closer and sat up.

He picked out the bottle of lubricant, making her shift in anticipation. He held it out for her hands before picking out two different butt plugs, both with remotes that would cause it to vibrate to the frequency chosen.

“Which one?” He asked her, looking at each of them before she chose the pink one with a heart shaped gem on the end. He nodded and put the other one back and closed the box. “Next time, we’ll get some tail ones for you babygirl.” He murmured and she nodded slowly. “Good girl, now on your knees and face down” he instructed and she soon followed her commands. Arse raised and forehead against her arms and she took deep breaths to relax herself.

She shut her eyes when she heard him squirt the lube onto his hands and coat his fingers in it. Her fingers curled into fists when a fingertip circled her puckered hole. His other hand brushing along her inner thigh teasingly.

“I bet this is what you were thinking about with your arse pressed up against that man” he taunted as he let the top of his finger inside her, listening to her already ragged breaths. His other hand brushed just over pussy, a cruel smirk covered his face as he ran two fingers through her folds while his other index finger pushed inside her ass. Her body was stiff but relaxed more and more with each stroke of her cunt, each thrust of his wrist. She held no control over her own hips as they moved back and forth with his actions, her back arching and then not.

He forced another finger inside her little hole, using the two of them to try stretch her open some more. He grinned at the groans and muffled moans she cried out as he hooked his fingers inside her while his other hand slid along her swelling clit.

It wasn’t long before his fingers were gone and something else was being pushed into her, she clenched around it making him hum and have the little toy begin to buzz inside her. Watching her hips jerk as a series of gasps to leave her desperate mouth.

“Face me” he commanded and she quickly got onto her hands and knees, crawling round to be under his gaze. She panted like a dog as she looked up at him, her lips parted as she gripped the covers beneath them as the vibrations grew more intense and her hips bucked against her will. Darkness swirled in his eyes as he watched her struggle against her own body, her eyes barely open as she tried to hold his stare.

Both his hands came to her face, lifting her chin to have a better look at her blushing state. He shifted from his kneeling position so he could pull her into his lap, relishing in how she moaned out when her ass sat on his thigh and her clit rubbed against his jeans. “Look at you…” he cooed while turning up the vibrations and see her eyes go wide as her nerve endings were toyed with. “Tell me how you feel Babygirl” he whispered

“Full” she whimpered and he laughed

“Oh you feel full now? Just you wait until you have my cock up there instead hm? You won’t know what to do with yourself.” He chuckled and she moaned, unable to help herself. “Go on love, hump my leg, you know you want to” he uttered teasingly but still serious as he slapped her rear in encouragement making her nod and begin to grind her soaking clit against him.

“Y-yes Daddy” she gasped and he smirked. His hand smoothed down the back of her hair, letting her lean forward and rest her face in his neck, his chin on the top of her head as she rocked her hips desperately. Her body grew more impatient, more needy as everything intensified. She could feel her ass convulsing around the buzzing device. The pool of warmth in her lower belly heated quickly until she felt as though it were boiling inside her. Her body rutted against him and he fed off her desperation. Revelling in every moan, gasp and whine her body produced.

His eyes closed, just focussing on her. The addictive sounds and smells she was producing, he could almost taste her orgasm as it flowed through her and she came with a long cry on his name. He felt the warmth deep through his jeans and his tongue wetted his lip as she continued to pant with her face in his neck as her body still trembled to the vibrations inside her. Klaus kept ahold of her, letting the toy inside her keep going as she ride out her high point. He hummed from deep in a chest as her mouth pressed to the skin below his ear,

“I’m…I’m ready Daddy” she whispered and he couldn’t help she smirk that formed on his lips.

“Oh you are?” He teased, using his hand to hold her chin and pull her face away from his neck and have her eyes on his. He watched the anticipation in her eyes as her pupils remained dilated and her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip to try stop the moans from leaking. “Well I wouldn’t want to waste any more time now, would I?” He murmured and she shook her head in agreement. “You know what I want you to do” he told her and she nodded.

She slid off his thigh, avoiding eye contact with the wet patch she had left and getting back onto her knees. She let her face press against the bed again as she felt the vibrations in her arse come to a stop. A breathy moan left her as he slowly pulled the device out of her, pushing it in and out of her a few time to enjoy the way her body pulsed around it before putting it aside.

“Hands Babygirl” he instructed and she did as asked, putting her hands behind her back and letting him clap both her wrists together with one strong hand. His mind was filled with far too many dark thoughts as he unbuttoned his jeans, nearly tore the zip off his fly and pulled his fat cock out of his boxers. He let out a breath of presumably relief as he rubbed himself quickly, she could’ve moaned just from hearing his heavy breaths. She could hear the lube go again and hear the way his hand slipped along his cock, they way his balls slapped against his own hand and he choked on a moan. He needed this, that she knew. So she pushed her body back so her ass would press to the tip of his angry dick which resulted in a harsh spank and a small yelp from her throat.

She let out a squeak as she was yanked back into his lap, back to his chest and his hips slowly rocked so his cock slid between her ass cheeks. His arms wrapped around hers, keeping her unable to move as he squeezed her tightly and breathed shallowly with his lips just brushing the shell of her ear.

“Promise me, you’ll be a good girl” he ordered, a dangerous edge to his voice that made her immediately agree

“I’ll be a good girl, I promise” She uttered and he nodded.

He moved his hands down to grab the backs of her thighs, spreading them apart and lifting her up so his slippery cock could press to her asshole. Her hand moved down between her legs so hold onto his dick, helping to push it inside her like he wanted her to. Though she quickly let go and fell forward, her hands grabbing onto the duvet as he pushed her down onto his cock.

A sharp cry left her lips as he stretched her out beyond her limit. But he dismissed any pain she might’ve felt, it can’t have been worse that the initial hurt he felt seeing some prick bending over his girl. So instead he thrust his hips up and down, still gripping her thighs tightly and lifting her up and down to hear her ass cheeks slap against his balls while her arse’s hot walls clung to him like a second skin.

Her hands clawed at the bed below like a wild animal as tears welling in her eyes as her body contacted to the intrusion. She whimpered his name desperately and but he couldn’t care less. He could feel her pulsing around his cock, he could feel the little rings of muscle gripping onto him and he loved it. Love how she squirmed and cried like he was actually hurting her. He almost thought that maybe she was actually in pain before he realised her pussy was still trying to grind at his thigh.

A low chuckle rumbled through him as he abruptly shoved his hips up, his dick hitting deep inside her and making her cry out so loud he wondered if her vocal cords would last the rest of what he had planned.

“Good girl” he whispered to her as she tried to help by bouncing her arse up and down as much as she could from her position. “How do you feel now my sweet Babygirl? Bet you feel a little more than full now don’t you?” He smirked and she whimpered.

“Yes Daddy…” she muffled out into the duvet she was gripping so tightly

“Yes Daddy….Daddy I feel…..?” He trailed tauntingly, mockingly with a chuckle and she panted heavily to try and get more words out

“Daddy I feel so good! So good Daddy! Like I’m on fire!” She cried and he offered her a sickening grin, not that she could see it. He stroked the bottom of her back as his hips rutted up against her pretty, rounded ass and he tilted his head back with a grunt at the way she stretched more and more with ear time he slammed up into her.

“Oh you do Babygirl? You gonna feel all kinds of hot later sweetheart” he muttered and she moaned out.

“Daddy please touch me more” she whispered and he hummed.

“You need your pretty pussy to be stroked little girl? Is that what you need?” He teased and she nodded against the bed

“Please, please, I’m a good girl” she whimpered and he tutted

“At the moment I suppose” he grumbled but moved his hands to the backs of her knees and lifted her up so her back hit his chest. He groaned and she cried out as she suck down on him better than before, him reaching even further inside her. “Fuck Babygirl” he breathed. “Hold your legs where I have them” he ordered and she quickly did as told so that his arms could slip around her and his hands could spread open her cunt.

She moaned desperately and he grinned, nuzzling his face in her neck and watching what he was doing as his hips rocked and his fingers rubbed at her soaked folds. Sliding from the hood of her clit, and right back to his favourite little hole of his. Long ragged breaths echoed through her as her nails embedded themselves in her own skin and her hips tried to keep bucking making him chuckle again.

His fingers slipped inside her easily from how soaked she was making him grin and her moan once more. His teeth nipped at her neck while she sat on his cock like a good slut and let her master play with her as he pleased.

Hips fucking, fingers thrusting, mouth biting, she could barely remember to breathe which explained the way her face went red and she held her breath.

She could feel her blood flow onto his greedy tongue, his cock buried right up inside her and his fingers curling into just the right spot. Just the place to make her body shudder and mind nearly fold in on itself.

And then his teeth pulled away and those little praises were uttered into her ear while hot tears ran down the sides of her face and fireworks went off inside her.

Her ass was pumped full of warm fluid while her cunt released its own. Limited sound left her as she finally took that intake of breath she so badly needed. His hand stayed inside her, she wasn’t sure when four fingers had gotten in her or when his other hand had been rubbing at her clit ferociously, all she knew was that whatever he did to her was fucking amazing.

Her loud pain filled moan met his ears as he sheathed himself out of her, bending her back over to see his cum spill out her gaping hole. Her thighs were soaked, so we’re his and so was their bed but neither of them cared and it most certainly didn’t stop him from shoving his dick into her sopping pussy while he forced a hand into her arse.

“Daddy!” She cried and he grunted

“Shh Babygirl, it’ll be a long night yet” he murmured “want you stretched open for the present I got you” he chuckled and she moaned in anticipation.

His gifts were always worth it.

Okay okay

When i tell you I was fucking pissing myself while drawing these

I don’t know what the fuck was going through my head but uh…there we go.

[my-adhd-gremlin-blog]

I am as disappointed as everyone else is with the final season of The Umbrella Academy, but I also have some of my own Thoughts™️. Allow me to weigh in.

We can all agree that the finale was absolute dogshit, right? I've seen a lot of commentary about the character assassination of Number Five, and the cursed as fuck crack ship that should've stayed in the deep recesses of ao3, where no one could find it. But there was also absolutely no character development for any of them in the end? Not really?

Luther still has unresolved daddy issues (why else would he be squatting in the condemned building of the Academy?). And he just, what, gave up looking for his wife? Luther "loverboy" Hargreeves. The man who chased and pined for Allison almost his entire life gave up on HIS WIFE after/within six years? No way.

Diego's character basically went nowhere. Four seasons, and he still didn't come to any kind of realisation that, hey, maybe he is enough. No. If he isn't in Luther's shadow, he's insecure about his marriage, or his powers, and being "strong enough." Everything was a competition to him, even though he was the only one competing. He deserved a little bit of self-love, but apparently, "self-destruct" is all he gets.

Allison had her ups and downs, and they let her end on a fucking down? Her arch was the most disappointing. We literally see her trying to be a better, more honest person in s1, and then a human rights activist in s2. Her powers are morally grey, sure, but she had so much potential. Then she just straight up becomes a villain and has barely any redemption for it? Her character started on a high. It was natural progression for her to hit a low. But not that low. And she never really came back up from it. In six years, it seemed like she made no real effort to make up for what she did. A couple of good decisions do not make up for a multitude of bad ones.

Which brings me to Klaus. I wasn't sold on sober, germaphobe Klaus to begin with. I thought it was just a little bit too out of character. But I'll take that any day than what happened to him this season. And to his credit, his hypochondria after losing his powers at least made sense. But he'd made so much progress, not just on his sobriety but on embracing his powers rather than being afraid. (Also, he and Allison being codependent on each other like that was not healthy).

This season made Ben, as a character, pretty much pointless. From the beginning, it seemed like his death was supposed to bring the Academy together, narratively speaking. It was his "purpose" to die and become a sort of martyr to his siblings (I mean, it didn't work, so even then, Ben kinda died unnecessarily). But in reality, his death wasn't a teachable moment, it was just murder. And without Ben, the story still would have ended the same way. Any of the children born from the marigold could have brought about the cleanse, it didn't necessarily HAVE to be Ben. And with the number of timelines there were, it was probably inevitable that it would happen in at least one of them. They all died pointlessly, but Ben's deaths were especially pointless.

Viktor was about the only character that DID have some development. He finally stood up to his father and received at least some validation for his mistreatment as a kid. Not that it ended up mattering because his relationship with his siblings was practically non-existent at this point. All he'd ever wanted was to be a part of the team, and yet apparently made no effort in six years to see his siblings and actually be a part of the family. It makes no sense for his character.

I hate that Lila was a damsel in distress for most of this season. She's a grown woman who we know is fully capable of standing up for herself, but it felt like she was reduced to just her role in the family. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being a mother or a wife, but that seemed to be ALL her character was this season, when we know she's more than that. The one thing she got to herself was taken away from her coz it hurt "poor Diego's feelings 🥺". Grow up 🙄. And I am not touching the other thing with a ten foot barge pole.

Now, obviously, there's Five. People have already talked about how his character was completely butchered this season. No, Five of the past would not have given up so easily. Despite the jabs and the squabbling, Five loved his family. He fought hard to get back to them when he was stranded. After a struggle like that, why the fuck WOULD he stop fighting to keep his family together?

I'm not saying all of these characters had to be good, outstanding citizens by the end of the show. But they should have at least had a journey from season one. Instead, they either went backwards or in circles. And in the end, none of it mattered anyway.

This season was so fucking stupid. It completely undermined the rest of the story. What was the point in literally anything that happened in the previous seasons if it was just leading up to all of it being erased? This is some, "and it was all a dream" bullshit, and I'm not here for it.

[mangoshorthand]

Love your fics so much good lord 🫶🏻 especially your latest smut one. Which made me remember how S3 had some kinda unnecessary sex jokes.. like when Klaus told Five about Lila and Diego doing it one the stairs and Five said yeah I get it everybody was banging everybody last night 😭 kinda had to imagine Five and his wife drinking and spending the night together as well and getting the love he deserves. Not sure if its a smut request you’re interested in but i loved the wedding episode.

Awh- thanks. You're a sweetie! ❤️ I stuck a little twist on this one- I hope that's ok! I have a quirk as an author in that I don't like to explicitly contradict canon plus I would like Five to be physically 18+ canonically when I write about him. We have fluff and mild, romantic smut. Schmaltzier than I'd usually produce, but we all need a little schmaltz now and again.

If Tonight Was Our Last | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader 2.4k words, Rated M

Thank you to the Anon who pointed out how well this song fits with this fic! All in all, Diego and Lila’s wedding had been like them: informal, loud and chaotic. The ceremony part was executed in the courthouse as quick as humanly possible in order to get to the important part: dancing and partying in the punk nightclub they’d hired for the evening. 

Five hovered awkwardly by the bar. He was wearing what, on reflection, was an entirely inappropriate tuxedo and was becoming uncomfortably sweaty. He watched the crowd dancing to The Sex Pistols, Lila jumping and headbanging with a crazed look in her eye and Diego drinking shot after shot with Luther. He himself ordered a martini and was stirring it with his olive awkwardly, wondering when he could justify leaving. 

There was a joy in being part of this family that Five didn’t always appreciate: it presented him countless opportunities to exercise his brain with a conundrum. He knew that spending over forty years in the apocalypse was preferable to both, but whether Lila and Diego's wedding was worse than Luther and Sloane’s, he couldn’t yet decide. 

But when his eyes found you, screaming along with Johnny Rotten about how the queen of England wasn’t a human being, he knew that this sweaty, musty club was the only place in the world he’d choose to be right now. You caught his eye, face lighting up and worked your way across the dancefloor towards him. On the way, you stole a tequila slammer off the tray beside Luther and presented it to Five. 

Before you pulled him onto the dancefloor with you, he knocked back the shot and chased it with his remaining half martini. Perhaps it was the booze or maybe your hyperactive vibes were infectious, because Five let loose and spent the rest of the night dancing along with The Clash.  He got bashed and buffeted by the crowd and his siblings. Since then, Five had drunk heavily. Even if he had a slow start, he more than caught up with the rest of you. 

He kissed you several times throughout the evening, when his adrenaline was high and the music pumped with it through his veins. The kisses were hard, boisterous and joy-filled. Once, he lifted you off your feet with the force of it, earning him a small shove from Diego for ‘lowering the tone of the evening’. 

Viktor, the only one of you who stayed sober enough to be responsible, had shepherded first Lila and Diego to their hotel room, and then everyone else back to the Academy. He left you and Five still drinking in one of the lesser-used sitting rooms that was occupied by Reginald in years gone by.

A large order of fries and the journey home had sobered you up, but Five’s hand swayed as he tried to pour a glass of his father’s cognac, spilling it all over the side table.

“Ah shit. That was Hennesy,” he murmured, regretfully, wiping it up with a bar towel. He’d already discarded his jacket and now his hand fumbled at his bow tie, removing it and tucking into his pants pocket.

“You shouldn’t have any more,” you said, from the armchair. Your voice was slightly hoarse from having to shout to be heard all night, “you’ve been drinking like it’s your last night on earth.”

Five returned to the handsome chaise lounge with the little drink he’d managed to successfully pour, laughing softly.

“No I haven’t. That was the last wedding I went to.”

“Luther and Sloane’s?” you asked, tentatively. 

Five nodded. 

He didn’t like to talk about it often. The period following his return to 2019 was a chaotic tumble through timelines and apocalypses. You knew Luther and Sloane got married under the impression that they would all die the next day, but you hadn’t ever asked Five for details. Tonight, however, he seemed open to it. 

“When you got twenty-four to forty-eight hours left to live,” he said, laughing reminiscently,  “there’s no point in holding back.

I sorta remember making this…punch out of vodka, gin, coconut rum and god knows what else. I drank the whole bowl," he laughed, "Well, wouldn’t you? ” he asked, catching your disapproving eye.

You rocked your head from side to side, weighing it up.

“Probably,” you admitted, “I just don’t like to think about it. As it turned out, you all survived anyway. But that would have been no good if you died from alcohol poisoning.”

He took your hand in the gap between the two pieces of furniture. 

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t, but right then it seemed like a good option.”

You caught his eyes, deep tonight, and saw that he wasn’t as drunk as you thought. His lips twitched into a sad smile as he continued.

“I guess I had nothing else to do. They were all pairing off: Luther and Sloane, Lila and Diego, Klaus and alternate Ben-” he caught your expression and amended himself, “-I don’t mean boning, necessarily…” and then he looked nauseated, “oh god, I really hope not, anyway.”

“You’re a weird family,” you said, matter-of-factly.

“That we are.” he agreed, “At least four of them were going at it, anyway, and there I was trapped in the body of an extra from Bugsy Malone: hormonal, horny as hell and living the last few hours of my life. What is a self-respecting guy supposed to do?”

“Drink and jerk off?”

“Drink and jerk off, correct. You know me so well.”

You smiled, leaned over and poured yourself a small cognac.

“Sounds lonely for your last night on earth.”

He shrugged, reciprocating your raised glass to him before you took a sip. The honey-smelling warmth of the cognac went down nice and easy, even after the tequila and fries.

Five looked into his drink.

“What would you do?” he said, almost too quietly to hear, “on your last night on earth, I mean.”

You don’t hesitate, “I’d spend it with you.”

He smiled down into his glass. It’s one of his arrogant smiles masking the real emotion beneath.

“Of course you would.”

You could always tell when he was hiding emotion by the spots of  delicate color he developed high in his cheeks.

“And what about you?” you asked, gently.

He considered, the smile still playing around his lips.

“I’d probably drink and jerk off.”

You laughed and stretched out in the chair, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of being there with him. After a quiet minute, his voice sounded again.

smut below cut

“I’d make love to you.”

You turned your head to look at him, still starting into his drink. It’s not a term you’d ever heard him use before. In day-to-day conversation, he referred to sex as ‘boning’, ‘banging’ or occasionally used a trite metaphor like ‘making the beast with two backs.’ Even in the throes of passion, you’d only ever heard him say that he wanted to ‘fuck’ you.

He looked at you, eyes speaking a depth of feeling you hoped you would never be able to fully share. The look in his eyes brought home the weight of what he was saying: Five knew what it was to face the end of everything. He was saying this with that experience behind him. 

“If tonight was our last, I’d want you to know what you mean to me…except words can be blunt instruments, so I’d want to show you…”

He trailed off.

You put down your drink and, drawn like a magnet to his bared vulnerability, joined him on the couch. Eyes not leaving this, you raised your hand to cup his face. As he closed his eyes, you kissed him on the corner of his mouth, hoping that the touch of your lips against him conveyed what you were feeling. 

With his eyes still closed, he leaned into your touch almost wearily, rubbing his cheek against your hand and letting out a long breath through his nose.

“Show me now,” you whispered, “as if tonight was our last night.”

Slowly, his eyes fluttered open, and he fixed you with his unwavering gaze. Though the room was dimly lit, what little light there was reflected in his eyes. Without another word, he leaned in and pressed his mouth to yours in a soft, tender kiss. His warm lips brushed yours, feather-light. You responded to him eagerly, meeting his affection with your own and wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. 

He deepened the kiss, hands beginning to roam. He caressed you, palms exploring the contours of your body; the landscape of hills and valleys. Though he’d done this countless times before, his touch felt somehow new: sending trembling, fluttering energy across your body. His breath was sweet, tasting of the cognac: you felt and savored the warmth of his mouth on yours 

As the kiss reached its peak, you felt a rush of emotion you hadn’t expected: though he was gentle, cherishing and loving, you could nevertheless feel a flavor of desperation behind this kiss. It was as if this really was it; as if tonight really was the last night. He was right: words weren’t enough, and this was the most important thing you and he would ever say to each other. 

His fingers became more urgent, slipping beneath your shirt to feel the warmth of your skin beneath. You raised your arms and he lifted it carefully over your head, unable to resist leaning in and peppering your newly exposed skin with kisses before he fully removed it.

Meanwhile, one of your hands popped open the buttons of his shirt while the other traced the lines of his chest and pectorals. When his stomach was revealed, you pulled the fabric apart and snaked both hands in, reveling in his warmth and the soft smattering of hair disappearing into his pants.

Your hands moved in unison, undressing each other with sensual eagerness: not too fast, not too slow, only keen to feel each new inch of flesh as it was exposed. As he reached around to unhook your bra, you worked on freeing him from his pants. You could already feel the arousal beneath. 

Before you could remove the fabric around him, he leaned in and captured your newly bared nipple, gently licking and sucking on it. You couldn’t help but moan, even despite the necessity of keeping your voice low. His hand came to rub and softly press your other breast, feeling your shape in the palm of his hand. 

At last, you pulled him from his pants, stroking his shaft gently and feeling him grow even harder at your touch. His breath stuttered around your breast. 

At last, you sat beside each other naked. His kisses felt like moths’ wings across your breasts, your collarbone, your neck. He leaned towards you, urging you gently backwards until your back hit the velvet of the chaise. You pulled him to you and kissed him again, caressing his lips with your own. When he pulled back, you were surprised to see tears pricking the corner of his eyes. 

When he spoke, looking at you with those earnest, sad eyes, it was in a whisper. You had the sense that he didn’t trust his voice any louder.

“If tonight were our last night, I’d want to kiss you like that.”

You stroked his face again and he briefly closed his eyes, one of the tears forming into a drop and running slowly down his cheek. When he opened them, he shifted his kneeling position and you spread your thighs to accommodate him. 

“What else would you do?” you asked, your own voice not much more than a whisper. 

He lowered himself so that your bodies were pressed together, skin on skin and warmth on warmth. 

“I’d want you like this,” he said, “I’d want to be inside you.”

You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him gently to you and entwining your body with his. He entered you slowly and you let out identical exhales. It was a feeling like coming home after a long day. Five gave a pleasurable wince as the clenching of your walls had its effect on him: perfect intensity.

As he moved in you, as you moved together, every caress was a whispered affirmation of love; every twinge of pleasure a promise kept. Each of his slow, sensual thrusts was a pledge of undying devotion. The slow build of your orgasm was a life of love and loyalty spent together.

He buried his head in your neck, simultaneously breathing you in and hiding his tears. Your arms wrapped themselves over his back, your hand finding the back of his head and holding him safely to you as, inside you, the twin heats of love and of pleasure bloomed.

“I’ve got you, baby.” you whispered, inhaling the clean smell of his hair. 

With your arms and legs wrapped around him this way, you met his hips with your own, giving him the same promises he gave to you. You kissed his temple, wrapping yourself around him more snugly. Wrapped in the warmth of your shared love, your bodies writhed together. From his stuttering breath and increasing tension, you could tell he was nearing his peak. You could feel his heart beating against your chest like that of a small animal. 

He gave an ecstatic cry and exploded inside you, body shuddering in the current of his release. As he came, he kissed and licked at your neck, unrefined and uncontrolled but desperate to taste some part of you. Finally, he collapsed onto the couch, his full weight upon you, trying to catch his breath in short gasps. 

“If tonight was our last night,” he mumbled, after a few moments to compose himself, “I’d want to savor it. I'd hope not to come after two minutes like that.”

You smiled into his hair.

“Lucky tonight isn’t our last night,” you said. 

Responding to the pang of shame in his voice, however, you continued more seriously.

“If tonight was our last night, I’d die happy after that. No, really,” you said, responding to his disbelieving snort, “that was…”

You didn’t need to finish. The awe and love in your tone was enough of a balm.

You could lie here forever with his warm weight on top of you, your bodies still connected with him still inside you. You could be happy here, with his breath in your ear and your hand in his hair. If tonight was your last night, you would have lived a whole lifetime in it.

Megalist

Request info + rules

NOTE:

I take Five requests, I'm fairly versatile in what I write (fluff, smut, angst, psychological character study- I'll try it all) but I will consider them on a case by case basis. See request info + rules for request status and more.

[leikeliscomet]

Thoughts on Umbrella Academy's Ending and What it Says About Abuse - SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 AHEAD

(A Mini Essay If You Will)

What makes the ending of The Umbrella Academy devastating, and I mean an absolute tragedy isn't that just the characters we love are gone, but that they genuinely don't mean anything.

Luther started as the boy that did everything right but still wasn't enough for his father. He ended up repeating the cycle by feeling like he had to take control of every situation. He eventually lived life for himself, found Sloane and put his wants and needs first for the first time in his life after being raised to think his needs never mattered.

Diego felt like he was a 2nd fiddle, almost literally, and felt like he had to prove himself to Reggie. He took his inferiority out on everyone else. He finally realised he was good enough and didn't need his father's validation anymore. He became the father his father never was. He finally realised he was good enough.

Allison felt insecure and that she had to manipulate people into getting what and who she wanted. She finally made peace without those things and people and reconnected with her daughter after losing custody all those years ago. She finally became the mother she always wanted to be. She wanted to earn things by herself and she did.

Klaus spent his whole life haunted (almost literally) by his own failures. He worked so hard to get sober and he did. After feeling like the most useless member of the team his whole childhood, he mastered his powers and realised his own strengths, after living his life thinking he had none.

Five felt held back and not pushed enough. He blamed his siblings for holding him back and thought he was better than them. After apocalypse after apocalypse he realised he couldn't do it alone. He convinced himself he preferred being alone because he was scared to be vulnerable. He finally got what he wanted. A family. A community.

Ben's life ended before it even really began, but he at least got to see his siblings grow and develop without him. Sparrow Ben lost everyone both emotionally and physically. He had everything he wanted and still lost it all. With Jennifer, for once in his life, there was something, someone, he didn't need to prove himself or win at. He found someone that accepted him for him.

Viktor was neglected his whole life and was the constant outsider. He bottled up everything inside to the point of destruction of himself and of others. He finally accepted himself fully. His skills, his transition, his relationships, his life. He finally got the confidence and closure he needed to move on and be fulfilled.

Lila was haunted from the start in a cycle of murder and manipulation. She continued that cycle because she wasn't taught anything else. She was so scared she'd be like the Handler when she became a mother, but she didn't. She loved them in ways she was never loved. She got the family she always dreamed of.

Every single character despite the abuse they suffered still got closure and peace in their own way. They all grew. They all matured. They all thrived after being told that they never would.

And the show says this doesn't matter. They don't matter. They don't deserve to exist. They're all the problem. They will always be problems. They'll never escape their trauma. They will always be nothing but the byproducts of their abuse. They'll never be anything else but that. And because of that, none of them should live. And that's fucking horrifying. Despite this mess of an ending and the rasclart messaging it sends, I'll never see these characters as inherent problems or evils. I know they're not angels either but that was never the point. As Five once said, there are no good guys and bad guys, just people living their lives. Trauma messes shit up. Things get messy and complicated. In this show, or at least season 1, they were brave enough to tackle that mess. They all had the chance. They all all had potential. And we all saw it all. Don't forget that. The characters may be gone, but that potential was there. It was real. It existed.

[redlenai]

So... hear me out, this is my re-do of Umbrella Academy season 4 and also the finale. So, we know Allison made a deal with Reginald and they ended up in a new world without powers and all that, and instead of getting new, weird ones, they get their original powers back, but they took only a sip of the marigold, so they are failing and not always active at will (Otherwise, Klaus, Allison, Laila and Viktor would be too OP again).

Allison got her daughter back, husband left her, I prefer that that way. I also LOVED HER in season two so why not let her be a hairdresser still? With a succesful one amongst old ladies and vintage enthusiasts. She doesn't want any of her clients dating her siblings, she is keeping her business!

Luther instead of a stripper, what about bringing back him being number 1? But not necessarily a glamorous job, but a fullfilling one with people like him who wants team work and maybe start doing some personal healing, so let's make him a Camp Counselor. He is the leader of a group of kids, kids that listen to him better than his siblings, he is nice, he is there for them, he may not be the wisest but he is attentive and sensitive, so I think that would be a good spin for him. Some moms would fawn over him, who doesn't love a big teddy?

Diego and Laila, I love they got twins, I would have liked to see them more. I would have loved for everyone to be more involved to the niblings, so Diego, I would have left him all his fighting techniques, those could had nothing to do with his perfect aim powers so he still had them. I could see him having a Dojo in a Mall and secretly teaching his daughter how to fight. Yes, Laila being totally against.

Laila I really like that growth in the beginning, mom of three, doing undercover. I liked she acknowledged being an assassin almost her entire life then this change its too sudden, yes, secrets aint good but instead of being nasty to her family, keeping that bag out of the house seems correct for me.

Klaus, hear me out, him being a germaphobe, sober, clean is golden. His fear of permament, genuine, death is glorious, and I feel so sad they didn't dive more into him stepping up for Claire, you could tell he loved his niece and even with all his flaws he was there for her and did those changes for her too, not only because of Allison's support. I think his world should have been his niblings now, he'll endure the germs of his niblings and only theirs, his siblings need to wash their hands three times and use some alcohol before touching him.

Ben, nothing much to say. He is Sparrow Ben so yes, to me him doing a bitcoin scam its perfect, I think its the only thing from the beginning of the season that I won't change one bit. I'm also keeping Luther being the one trying to incoorporate him to the family. Still a bitch, but behaves in front of the kids

Viktor, what did they do to my man. Listen, instead of him being a douche with ladies and being so far away and in a damn bar, hear me out. Violin teacher, close to family, simple as that, some of his students are making progress... his ears are no longer bleeding during sessions!

Now, Five. You know, he was in his 60s. Reaching his 70s after this one final timeskip right? (I'm not good at math). I think I would have spin things very differently for him, first, a young body is just that, a young body. He is still older than all of his siblings, he still experienced solitude, trauma and more. So I can picture him not being as sharp as before, mind sliping, stubborn, everyone tries to deny it, but Five is aging, he needs help. Instead of working for the CIA, just an old man in a young body, winning some chess contests for the thrill but tired, maybe sharing a decent apartment with Luther and Ben since the first was the first one to notice these changes.

I wouldn't have changed much of the plot, Marigold and Durango? Having to destroy all timelines? Ok, let's keep that but let's chance the way how it works. Besides, I would have introduced the Fives hanging around in the Subway quite a bit earlier or removed it entirely.

Main plot: Finding Jennifer, Reginald and Abigail come to the conclussion that the clearance IS the monster, IS the end of the world just like how it happened, but it isnt.

Sub-plots: Diego still not trusting Laila or not appreciating what he has, Klaus having a panick attack and afraid of losing all the progress he has made so far, Five's slowly going senile (Getting his powers and being able to access the Subway makes it worse), Viktor wanting closure about all the abuse Reginald has caused them.

I did like the Cult and the Umbrella effect, but lets not involve the CIA, that was a bit just too much. But I liked Abigail sabbotaging her love, I think the gang deserved to get to know her a bit better and see what was that their father longed for so long.

But understanding doesn't mean forgiving.

Laila and Five do get lost for 7 years in the Subway, Laila seeing now instead of Luther how Five IS older, IS an old man, IS aging and NEEDING his family close. I really got this image of the scene being them taking shelter in that green house, nothing romantic happens between them, just Five appreciating Laila is there just to make an odd comment "Wish the others cared to visit", then Laila having to remind him they were lost and needed to get back.

Diego, instead of having his awakening in the CIA, he just goes from sibling to sibling, yes, he does the talking! He still jumps into conclussions but now seeks imput!

Klaus as said is terrified of having his powers back, all his terrors come back to haunt him, he doesn't fall back onto the drugs in an instant, nor the alcohol. Instead of taking that TV, I really wanted Claire to be his anchor, I know, she shouldn't have such a responsability, but who wouldn't want to help the family that choose to keep the closest when you needed the most? He forgives Allison, then instead of the whole medium thing and being buried alive (despite the last being actually a reference to the comic and how originally Reginald trained him), he slowly goes back, sometimes its hard to remember too all the progress you made with your gift/curse, and thanks to not have used too much marigold helped him to gradually get used to it, especially alongside his sister and niece.

Ben and Jeniffer are in the run from Hargreeves and the Keepers, instead of them getting that rash then evolving into a monster, let's go back to my point of interest: Niblings.

Well, instead of a fricking monster, what if Ben and Jennifer just got a baby on the way, one that was growing way too fast, but not as much as the 43 children. Ben doesn't trust nor feel the others are family, he doesn't want them, his real family is dead, that's a fact.

Well, let's say seeing your love at first Durango suffering a weird pregnancy that is causing those weird stuff (I liked the Earthquackes, dead animals, people dead by ink), enemies right and left, not sure if she survives, she dies, there is a baby or monster on the way... kind of makes you want the group of nosy assholes back, especially if something bad happens to you or the mom.

II like that Abigail seemed to care about the gang, I was surprised Reginald even talked about them, so I can imagine her just wanting to care for them, so what if the gang talked during their "visit" about their kids too, wait, does that mean Reggie has grandkids? Are these my grandkids? or step-grandkids at least?

So I think the finaly argument between Reginald and Abigail should have been, yes, he should have left her die, that they were wrong, that's not the end of the world, that is a new beginning. Reggie, do the right thing, that's the 4th grandchild you won't be able to meet.

We have part of the gang trying to help soon to be Daddy Octopus prevent the Keepers, Hargreeves agents and yes, the CIA as its own thing, from entering. Then another half helping Jennifer, the birth happens.

And that is the ending, everything fades to white.

"In October 1st of 1989.... nothing out of the ordinary happened. To be exact, the actual date is (Insert modern time). I'm just watching over a... peculiar family that found each other"

Then we have in said park the whole gang, people that didn't die nor did go to the Temps Aeternalis. Umbrellas and Sparrows as well.

There, happy ending.

[fiveapocalypse]

You ever think about how five doesn’t think his siblings care much for him. Like they’ll say “we love you” and “we’ll be here” but five doesn’t believe them for a number of reasons but the main one was that—if they did care, if they did, they would have helped him. They would have listened. No one bothered until it was too late. They found him annoying, delusional, etc, and after seventeen years of being gone, no one hugs him, no one cries, no one does anything. They say they care, but Five isn’t too sure they do, so he thinks it’s fine to hurt himself, to not care about his well being, because it’s not like they cared that he was gone for years.

What he doesn’t know is that they came to his room every day for seventeen years. That Diego snuck in through the fire escape and made sure to leave whatever trinkets he found. That Allison fixed up his wardrobe, that Luther would sleep in his room and pretend he was talking to him. That Klaus would sit on his rug and try to summon him, sober and crying because there’s so much fucking ghosts but he has to see Five. That Ben gives over his old books, that Grace often said good night, dear to an empty room that never responded back.

Anyways, how are ya’ll.

[5five5five5five5five5five]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FICTIONAL FAMILY!!!! have some B day hcs under the cut. tw for drinking and drugs

they all go to diego and lila's because they have the biggest backyard

they wish the kids could join them but they know each other, it wouldn't be safe. diego and lila's kids are with lila's parents and Claire is old enough to stay home. (idk if ray is here but tbh he probs stayed home too, this family is nuts when its their birthday lol. he would rather give Allison a wonderful birthday night at home just for her.)

this is probs in the future where drinking around klaus isn't a HUGE risk for relapse. i feel like prior b-days were less booze\drug heavy for his comfort but its gotten to the point where they want to PARTY. he's the designated driver if anyone does want to go home + so is ☂️ ben so the rest have a good sober duo to watch their backs. and klaus has that voice of reason if he does need it. (s3 ending credit ben my beloved, wish he was canon. he exists here.)

bc im about to take gummy and i always kin when i do, viktor and five took edibles beforehand bc that's their norm in my universe.

Allison helps lila set up before hand. i love the idea of them being mom friends and sister in laws. viktor and five were early and helped too.

five brought so many gifts. one for each person+ custom cards. he does this every year and everyone is still in awe that he goes overboard. the 364 days of the year, they forget he can be this thoughtful. but all the gifts are a *bit* off and not 100% personal. like luther got a telescope bc. the moon. this is like the 3ed year in a row. and klaus got smth that five had to suffer though a spencer's gifts to get. it was so painful. five does it more for the wrapping, card making and seeing his siblings smile then actually knowing HOW to be thoughtful and generous.

they all have a nice time outside and enjoying early fall. Diego set up a projector and they watch all their fav movies as kids. they have a fire pit too and do smores. this really is the day they set to BE man-children and regain their childhoods.

lila COVERED the ceiling of their house with balloons and that is NOT fun to traverse though when your high af, drunk af and need to pee.

they each got a personal cake to take home and a candle to blow out at the same time.

they shit on their dad and bond over their mutual hate for their life before but can agree that life is better now (Allison holds her tongue to not say 'i told u so' ray has helped her understand that and other actions would be a 'cunt move'. shes mellowed out bc of him to the point of being allowed here in the first place.)

klaus some how ends up setting something on fire. this has happened for EVERY BIRTHDAY since they were 6. diego has a fire extinguisher on hand...but doesn't know how to use it so lila has to do it.

they do karaoke. Diego complains and yet was the one who got the machine and set it up. he likes watching lila sing~

Klaus made the playlist.

[starchaser45]

Let's talk characters so first of all best characters of the season were definitely Alison and Luther those two were literally the best Alison kinda came back to her s2 self but with the fire from s3 was incredible and actually meeting Clare and seeing their relationship put a lot of perspective on her grieve in s3 and Luther is definitely the best he kept his character development from s3 even though he probably got it the worst out of the siblings

now most people I saw talking about Klaus were saying they didn't ruin his character Klaus is still the best no the fuck he's not he was great till he got his powers back and went coco he was acting like he had to get back to druggs and that it's always gonna be like that even though he was sober before too like what was going on with that

Victor was really good in my opinion compared to the others but he was like bland compared to himself in the other seasons like he was supposed to be the main character also kinda didn't like him give reg a chance

Ben sucked that's all I have to say there was zero development he was annoying he spiked his siblings drinks even though they all said no left them and run away every chance he got and literally wouldn't listen to save his life

Diego is the opposite of Luther it's like he lost all of his character development it was like watching s1 Diego being even more of an ass than he already was and again compared to the others he's not that bad

now Lila they assassinated her character so bad I wish she was never introduced like all she wanted was a family and then they made her do this reminder that's her brother in law and the man that killed her family like them becoming friends was close enough and the amount of times she was guilt tripping Diego even though she was doing the same things sucked just cause she was better at hiding it

now comes the worst of if what they did to Lila was character assassination then they massacred five'a wtf was that he became from a guy that would to anything to protect his family to a homewrecker that screwed over his brother like how did that happen and ugh don't get me started on the whole soft boy thing that was going in the subway him lashing out on his siblings for no reason having zero remorse for what he did to Diego actually picking fights with Diego cause he knows he's in the wrong like the most in character we've seen five was the him from a different timeline five from the other seasons would he never

[sobbingstars]

SEASON 4 UMBRELLA ACADEMY SPOILERS!!!

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Hi! WHAT THE FUCK! My hot takes on this latest season bc if I don’t say these I’m gonna go insane.

Luthor: becoming a dancer was really funny. It was also kinda nice bc he was so ashamed of his body b4 when he was part monkey, so it’s good to see him being more comfortable in his own skin. And speaking of him being part monkey, that had NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS POWERS. His powers are SUPER STRENGTH, his father INJECTED HIM WITH MONKEY DNA OR SMT TO SAVE HIS LIFE. Made NO SENSE!

Diego: Diego being an absent/emotionally neglectful/bad father made NO SENSE! We saw him with Stan, he learned to be a father. Plus, he had his own issues with his dad, of course he would mentally do everything he could to avoid being his father. And also, him and Lila being in an unhappy marriage was so weird. Like, man was literally obsessed w/ her in season 3. What???

Alison: So we decided to not address any of her wrongs and just forgive her. She ASSAULTED LUTHOR. She tried to KILL VICTOR. SHE KILLED HARLAN. SHR TEAMED UP WITH REGGIE. Nothing??? Just forgive her for reasons??? That being said, Claire bear you were STUNNING thank you for being here and thank you Millie Davis, you were my childhood. But also, girl??? Show some support for your uncle. He needs help sometimes, just bc he’s immortal doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings :(

Klaus: I actually think they didn’t go super wrong with Klaus. Him becoming super paranoid after losing his powers made sense bc he died like every other day and just didn’t notice bc he just kept coming back, so I’d be afraid of everything too. And I think him being scared to have his powers again bc he was afraid he’d relapse is honestly so in character. That being said, fake that he didn’t even consider talking to Dave once he was sober and had his powers and wasn’t actively trying to stop the end of the world. And yall don’t even know how upset I was when he started levitating with his SHOES ON. NOT COMIC ACCURATE.

Five: WORDS DONT DESCRIBE MY RAGE. BECOMING A CIA AGENT? WHEN THE WORLD WASN’T ACTIVELY ENDING AND HE COULD JUST RETIRE? YOU KNOW AT LEAST ON OF HIS SIBLINGS WOULD LET HIM STAY. AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH LILA?? IT MADE NO SENSE, WAS SO OUT OF CHARACTER EHRN HE LITERALLY WAS LIKE ‘Lila would be stupid to throw away her happy life’ AND PROCEEDED TO WRECK HER HAPPY LIFE? I GET THAT IT WAS SEVEN YEARS BUT GOD DAMN FIVE, YOU WERE MARRIED TO DOLORES FOR THIRTY! AND THEY DIDNT EVEN BRING HER UP! NOT ONCE! AND JUST GIVING UP AND LETTING THE WORLD END? FOR FUNSIES? ABANDONING HIS FAMILY? NOT GIVING TWO SHITS? MAN ENDED THE WORLD THREE TIMES TRYING TO SAVE HIS FAMILY! HIS FAMILY IS ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS HE CARES ABT AND HE WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER GOING AFTER HIS BROTHERS WIFE! Five Hargreeves, they could never make me hate you, but what the FUCK!

Ben: So unrealistic that he didn’t break down any his siblings all being dead once. We deserved a heart between him and Five where Ben was like ‘All my family is dead’ and Fives like ‘I know how that feels’ bc his siblings were dead for 40+ years. Instead, he just had no character development at all and just died bc of a girl he met once. The only reason I was a little sad when he died was bc of season one and two Ben who was so sweet and amazing and season three Ben who just wanted to be loved and accepted. They didn’t even have any relationship development between him and Jennifer.

Victor: I’m sorry, he owns a BAR and was an awful boyfriend?? WHAT!? I was hoping we were gonna have this emotional scene where he plays the Violin again bc he hasn’t played it since he ENDED THE WORLD in season one, and he would be happy bc Violin was a genuine passion of his and he was gonna no longer be afraid. And being a bad boyfriend?? Unrealistic, he was so kind and good with kids??? Are you kidding??? That being said I really liked when he stood up to Reggie. That was rlly funny.

Lila: Yall know what I’m gonna say. You just KNOW. I GET that transitioning from full time assassin to full time mom would be a hard switch but you’re telling me she WOULDN’T have ANY sort of job? NONE??? With all her family being back in her life? She’d just sit in the house? And she wouldn’t sit in the house and be unhappy. She would absolutely call Diego out on his shit and complaining problem and he’d be like ‘Yes ma’am.’ Bc their relationship was so fun in season two and three and then they made it into a no-fun, unhappy marriage, and Lila just had so little of her original personality. And her liking Five was so weird. She sees him as a KID. He LOOKS like a kid. Made no sense.

Reggie: Actually wasn’t a total ass this season. Got into a malewife/girlboss relationship. Managed to actually have feelings. That being said, why how the fuck was he an ALIEN IN SEASON TWO??? I get that his wife was the one with the weird power things, but they just??? Never explained it??? What was going on??? I was so confused this ENTIRE SEASON.

[twicecut]

Man. I enjoyed watching TUA S4 because I got to do it in good company and I loved Klaus' bits, he never disappoints, and the sheer never knowing what will happen next was fun... But the more I think about the conclusion, the more sad I get.

Rant/analysis about why this sucks so bad under the cut. I'm upset with myself for still being upset about this lol. Ugh.

I think I could be okay with all of them dying or the idea that they will always cause the apocalypse as long as they have the marigolds, but I think what really wrecks it for me is still just the message that there are people who the world is better off without (and it isn't the abuser).

There are so many ways that I think the end could have gone, both with giving the Umbrellas another chance to live and fix the timeline or, if they really wanted, killing them all, that didn't make the journey getting there feel pointless.

Nothing can hurt me as bad as the Doctor Who 50th and invalidating Nine and Ten's pain by undoing the choice to destroy Gallifrey, or all of the nonsense The Last of Us pulled in the sequel and the TV show, but, boy, if giving the Umbrellas no choice but to die and saying their growth doesn't actually matter because this was always the only way to save the world doesn't hurt in a very, very similar way.

It's just sad, you know? Because now I'm going to look back at past seasons I enjoyed and look at the characters and their struggle and know it's going to be worthless.

Luther realizing his abuse and breaking free of Reginald's hold over him? Doesn't matter. He dies in the mansion he could never leave and doing precisely what Reginald and Abigail wanted, just like the good little soldier he always was groomed to be.

Diego gradually learning to stop being such a lone wolf and accept help from his family? Doesn't matter. His family is in shambles throughout the season, he never gets to say goodbye to his kids, never gets an apology from Five or Lila, and dies with a wedge between himself and the one other person who has cared as much about protecting their family as he has. Nevermind that he also never gets to properly grieve or process any of his losses since season 1. He starts angry and ends angry.

Allison honestly doesn't even have positive growth except, maybe, when she argues that they can't just give Klaus his marigolds back without his consent. That was nice. But otherwise we never see her really acknowledge that she can't rumor her way to happiness because the show never gives her that opportunity. She starts the show angry and upset because she lost Claire and her husband, and ends the show constantly angry and upset because she lost her husband and is losing Claire.

Klaus learning to get sober and stay sober for himself without the incentive of seeing Dave, learning to value himself and love himself enough to want to be healthy, and be someone that he can love who can be good a good uncle for Claire doesn't matter. He's triggered into a relapse and while that is fine because I think it handles his addiction more seriously than in past seasons, he never gets the chance to get on his feet again. He starts an addict without control and ends an addict without control.

Five never gets a break. He starts the series frantically trying to get back to his family and stop the apocalypse and ends it with the only realization being that his nonstop effort was meaningless. He can't save his family, he can't stop the apocalypse, and he's alienated and alone because everyone knows he had an affair with Lila, and Diego hates him, and how can he even be sure Lila didn't use him? He knows no peace from beginning to end and dies, yes, with his family, but alone because he made a mistake and decided that he cared more about his feelings for Lila than he cared about hurting his brother (seriously? I'm not even mad about the affair, I'm more upset that Five is written to think that he deserves to keep Lila once they get back... "I want to kill [Diego]" really??). Five chooses to doom his entire family, to kill them all, to stop the apocalypse, because he's depressed and tired of trying and apparently that means all their lives are forfeit.

Ben... Gosh. There's truly no closure for him. Both Bens die with a wedge between themselves and someone in their lives. For Umbrella Ben, it's a deteriorated relationship with Klaus, but I think even he got a kinder ending. At least he hugged Viktor and seemed at peace with his choice to sacrifice himself. His death saved a life. Sparrow Ben, though? His life is owned by the government, he's forced to socialize with the killers of his family who refuse to see him as anything but a person he isn't and will never be, and can't seem to get it through their thick skulls that his family is dead and he misses them. Then, when he needs family and is so scared that he'll accept the killers of his family as friends, he's too far gone to save. He dies scared and alone and probably in massive amounts of pain, conscious of the destruction and death he's causing but trapped within the uncontrollable monster that both Bens had always been afraid they truly were inside.

Viktor's agency is taken again. He gets to be mad at Reginald and say his piece but the only time he ever gets an apology is because Reginald sees Viktor is powerful and decides he should have trained him like his siblings. Viktor isn't worthy of being seen because he's a human being, he's worthy because he's useful. He dies knowing that it isn't enough to be himself.

Lila... I admittedly have never really liked her, but I realize now that's mostly because I never liked how her relationship was framed with Diego in S2 and 3, and that I didn't like that so much of their screentime and growth revolved around their romance rather than the other characters. So even though I liked her more this season for the fact that we were no longer treating her red flags as sexy, I think she was immensely squandered and never has any substantial growth. Her character stagnates because it again revolves around her romances. She lies time and time again, never communicates, shuts down any of Diego's efforts to, belittles him and treats him like an annoyance, and blames him for their crumbling marriage despite being the half of the relationship that isn't turning up for the life they built for each other. She starts the series living a double life and using and hurting Diego for her own benefit, and ends it exactly the same. It makes sense for her character given she was raised by the handler, but, wow. She really is never given the opportunity to see how self-destructive she is or get better. She's continually reduced to the manic, sexy, femme fatale girlfriend trope and never gets the chance to be anything else.

Every one of them once again falls under Hargreeves' will. Their agency is stripped from them again because it's death or running from apocalypses forever and ever. They end practically if not worse than where they started. And Reginald? He presumably lives out his life happy as a clam, free of consequence, because of course he was allowed to exist in the Correct Timeline alongside The Handler and the Swedes.

TUA used to be about the idea that no matter how broken you were and how often you messed up or how dysfunctional you and your family were, you can get better and you are worthy of being loved and accepted. It was the idea that you are affected by your abuse and sometimes that is ugly and it hurts people, but you are not your abuser. Then season 4 spat in the face of all of that and said, no, actually, the abuser of this story is actually a good man and was right all along. It says these abused, traumatized, broken people are all the failures their abuser thought they were and the world would be better off without them. They have to die because the only thing that's keeping the world from becoming a beautiful utopia is the fact that they are living in it. Who cares how hard they've fought to survive? Who cares about their struggle to get better?

I'm all for imperfect media with tragic, unfair endings. I'm all for, sometimes, villains getting away. I'm all for narratives that say life is often unfair and things go badly. But the original spirit of The Umbrella Academy was not that and this nihilistic ending where the abuser is right when it spent so much time in previous seasons insisting he was a monster is. It's just so backward. It looks at its own narrative and calls the audience stupid for believing it, or caring about the characters within it.

I dunno, man. I need to stop being upset about it, but I just cannot believe that Blackman thought this was a good ending. I've tried so hard to give him the benefit of a doubt and understand what he was trying to say with this, how any of it makes sense, but I can't. I don't understand.

[super-unpredictable98]

The Eighth Child (~TUA AU~) - Season 4

Chapter 2: The Prodigal Daughter Returns

Warning: Strong language, mention of death and mental illness, talk of addiction.

(The Eighth Child Masterlist)

A few days passed and they all forgot about Jennifer and the dry cleaner. Viktor decided to stay a few days to make up to Grace for missing her birthday, and Klaus was trying to be more romantic than usual.

"Was that good?" He asked, lying next to His wife.

"Yeah... yeah of course," Victoria nodded.

"You don't have to lie."

"It was okay. You're too soft."

"I can't be rough, you're pregnant!"

She turned her back to him and looked at the jar of marigold on her nightstand.

"I'm sorry," he said with eyes full of tears. "I don't know what to do anymore to save us. I don't know how to be different from what I am now."

"I know," she murmured. "You know how Dad took our powers and all? Because we kept ending the world, but that was because some of our powers were destructive. Allison can start and end wars and she's not mentally stable, Ben can commit a massacre without breaking a sweat, Five can mess with the timeline... but we're not destructive. You just become immortal and see a few ghosts. Alright you can conjure them and stuff, but you won't need to."

"Are you suggesting I drink this shit?"

"That would make you feel safer and nobody would have to know... then you could go back to being the man I love."

"What do you mean? You don't love me anymore?"

"How can I love someone who carries a gas mask to go places?" She snapped. "Who won't eat a runny egg yolk! Who needs to bathe in alcohol before getting in bed? Who won't buy used books because someone might have left fluids on them that could give you a disease? I can't stand your restrictions anymore and you're making our daughter into a fucking wimp like you! You're boring and your new haircut sucks! You getting sober was the worst thing that ever happened to me!"

A silence took over the room and he started crying, scared to wake up their daughter with all the screaming.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," Victoria quickly tried to take it back, but words are like bullets. They can't be unshot.

"Three years... you wanna throw three years down the drain because that's what you want, right?" Klaus sobbed. "You love our little parasitic relationship, the eternal screwup and his holy savior! I'm your charity case, I've always been and you feel so superior because you can smoke a joint once in a while, have a few drinks and you're fine! You can go back to being normal Victoria, but I have a disease! Once I start, I can't stop!"

"I know... I didn't mean to-"

"Every time I'd relapse back in the day, you got a glint in your eye! Oh, I get to save him again!"

"That's not true! You know damn well how hard I tried to keep you sober! I said it without thinking!"

"No, don't take it back. Dysfunction is what we do best in this family so how could we ever raise our children in a happy home? You need to traumatize them like Dad did you us! Because you think it made you tough, it made you interesting, it built character. Newsflash, sweetheart! You're just broken and full of Daddy issues!"

"How can you say that?" She started crying as well. They had not fought this badly since she left him to work in California.

"You're selfish and a big baby! You leave me when things get too hard or too boring, you did it when we were 25 and you're doing it now! I'm so done living cowering in your little bubble of superiority!"

"I took care of you your whole life! I made sure you didn't get in trouble, I made sure you were fed and healthy and safe! I was your shield for 30-something years! You know I'd take a bullet for you even now that I'm no longer indestructible! You think it was easy? You think I like picking your sorry ass off the floor when you hit rock bottom?"

"Bottom? Moi? There's no bottom here, missy, no bottom at all. I'm the goddamn Mariana Trench! Just wait till you see!"

"You're threatening me now? Give me a fucking break, I wanted to help you, you coward! So scared of a little itty bitty ghosts that you need to pop every pill on the planet. Your power is a gift!"

"You wouldn't survive a day with my power! So easy for you... I don't feel pain, nothing hurts me!"

"I'd thrive with your power, you're just too weak and cowardly to deal with it how it's supposed to be!"

"Thank you... you know truly thank you. Finally a grain of honesty. Feels refreshing! You wanted the old Klaus? You got him!" He reached for the jar of marigold but she took it from him.

"I'll put this away, nothing good is gonna come from taking this shit..." Victoria got up and grabbed a box from the top shelf to leave the jar in, but she found something that caught her eye. A card.

"Give it to me! You want me to so bad to be your pet junkie again!"

"No! I'll give it back to whoever gave it to us!"

"You'll return it to the man in the dry cleaner?"

"No, someone else... look after Fortune, I'll be back."

**

Victoria headed to the Hargreeves mansion, she had not been there in years. Not ever since she tried to get the location of their birth mothers, but Reginald knew nothing of it.

The guards were more than eager to let her in, they treated her like she was actually part of the family.

When she walked into the mansion, she heard the sweet sound of a violin being played by a beautiful lady who looked almost angelic.

"Abigail."

"Hello, Victoria," she smiled, putting down the violin. "Long time no see! What brings you here today? I see you're glowing, when can we expect the second little one?"

"You forgot your jar of marigold," Vicky leaned against the wall in front of her.

"I'm sorry? I think you're mistaken."

"No, I'm not, step-mama. You know, I can't read minds anymore, but I'm not stupid. That whole Sy Grossman story was mighty suspicious. So I turned to the note you gave us to send the location of Viktor. Where had I seen that handwriting before? Oh yeah! The card you sent to us the day my daughter was born. I had to check it to make sure, and there it was... your handwriting. Now would you tell me why you gave us a jar of this stuff?"

"I synthesized marigold back in my world, but when I created this new element, another one was accidentally produced as a byproduct... Durango."

"Durango."

"Yes, and it's inside of Jennifer."

"Jennifer... as in Jennifer who got my brother killed?"

"I do not know about that... but when marigold and durango interact, there's a dangerous physical reaction."

"Makes sense. He touched Jennifer and started getting this weird rash, then his tentacles were out of control, and he ended up killing himself and the girl... but wait, you gave us Marigold and sent us to look for durango? Do you wanna fucking kill us?" Victoria grabbed Abigail by the collar.

"What is the meaning of this?" Reginald came into the room with a scowl. "Unhand my wife right now!"

"Your wife tried to end the world! I have a child and I'm expecting another! I have a nephew and nieces, how could you do this?"

"I never asked to be brought back!" Abigail finally said. "Reginald brought me back to life and I didn't ask for it! He unleashed this danger into your world after it destroyed ours, I just wanted to cleanse it."

"Very well, it's cleansed," Victoria opened the jar and tossed it in the fireplace. "Now don't you ever come near me or my family, with or without powers, I will end your sorry ass with my bare hands."

"There's no need for this sort of-" Reginald placed himself between them.

"Don't you miss being so strong?" Abigail held up a vial of marigold. "Nothing could hurt you, you knew what everyone was thinking and even controlled it, you controlled what they felt... wasn't it great?"

"I'm great without my powers, I'm a mother and a wife, a business owner... that's all I wanna be," Victoria sneered.

"What about your husband? Don't you miss him? Don't you miss the devil-may-care Klaus? Who jumped in front of cars and spent all night partying? The man you fell in love with is gone."

"Shut up..."

"This is the very last of the marigold in the world. Enough for two people... maybe three, if you want to make your daughter special as well. Protect her from the world."

Victoria sniffled and grabbed the vial, she looked at it and for a moment all the memories from her youth came rushing back.

She remembered crazy nights with Klaus, dance lessons, their mother's shoes, their college days, his face while getting his palms tattooed, the amazing girls she met in Vietnam, her life in the 60s, the cult, his proposal, their wedding, falling out of her window when he tickled her... and it was the concrete that shattered.

"It was the concrete that shattered," Victoria mumbled, opening the vial.

"All you have to do is to look for Jennifer," Abigail murmured.

"Will it hurt us?"

"You won't feel a thing. You and your family will be protected. You won't face the same ending as your brother."

"There's another thing I'm good at besides recognizing handwritings..." Vicky swallowed. "Recognizing liars."

She tossed the glowing liquid into the fire once again and turned her back to leave.

"Victoria!" Abigail called.

"Enjoy the rest of your life in our world and don't you dare create more of this shit. I'll come kill you myself."

**

Meanwhile, back at home, Klaus was pacing around the room. He kept replaying and replaying all the moments from the fight in his mind and it hurt more and more each time he remembered.

That familiar need started taking over and he knew he was about to relapse. He took the phone and called Claire, asking her to come over and pick up Fortune because he had to take care of an emergency.

After that, he started going through the house grabbing everything valuable he could get his hands on. First his own wedding ring, Vicky's collectible Disney music boxes, her jewelry, the Rolex she got him for their anniversary, and finally their daughter's piggy bank.

He smashed Fortune's porcelain pig on the floor and grabbed all the money inside before pulling their flat screen off the wall in the living room.

"Daddy?" Fortune stood behind him. "Why did you break the piggy bank? I'm saving for a Barbie Dream House!"

"Tunnie baby!" He tried to smile. "You're here! Claire is coming to pick you up so you can play at Aunt Alli's house."

"What are you doing, Dada?" She frowned, noticing something was clearly weird.

"You know this TV has been on the fritz for a while. Haven't you noticed, baby girl? I just thought I'd take her down to the old geek lab, let them work their magic."

"It's not broken, Dada. You're weird, I'm scared... where's Mommy?"

Fortune tried to come closer, but Klaus held his hand up.

"No no no! Your feet, sweetheart, you'll hurt your feet with the shards. Watch your feet, sweetheart!" He cried, covering his mouth in panic. "The piggy was an accident, Tunnie, I'll pay you back."

"I don't care about the money, Dada, I want you to be okay," the little girl looked down, tears running down her face. "I know something's wrong, please tell me so we can talk and make it better."

"I'll talk to you, Tunnie, I will. But Daddy has had a horrible day and he just can't... just can't have this conversation right now. I'm sorry."

"Claire said you were sick. That you needed help to stay healthy, are you not feeling well again? I can help you! I'll call 911, please stay with me!"

"It's too late, baby, I'm sorry. You stay put and wait for your cousin, okay? You need to stay on the couch waiting for her and when mommy comes back, she'll pick you up."

"No, Daddy! Don't go! You're sick, you need a doctor!" Fortune tried to stop him from going to the door.

"No, Tunnie, Daddy's gonna leave now just for a little bit."

"Please stay! It's dark and I'm scared!"

"I gotta go-"

"But Daddy...!"

"WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FUCKING MOVE?" He yelled. "NOW DO WHAT YOUR FATHER SAYS AND DON'T TALK BACK, FORTUNE BENNIE HARGREEVES!"

The little girl was stunned into silence and her little pout quickly turned into panic as she started crying harder. She watched her father leave and sat on the floor sobbing quietly.

Not once had he ever raised his voice at his daughter, she was an easy girl and never got in trouble. She never needed to be punished or grounded, he always considered himself lucky... but now Klaus feared he was turning into what he hated most: his father.

*

"Hello," Victoria picked up the phone as she drove back home.

"Vicky, we need to get together right now," Five said. "Bring Klaus."

"I don't know where he is, he left Fortune at Allison's and disappeared with our TV and my jewelry. I'm looking for him right now."

"Shit... we need you! I think we have some more insight on the whole Jennifer situation."

"So do I, wait until I tell you who planted the marigold in that box and sent us after durango."

"What? What are you talking about? Ben is here! We're all at the old Academy."

"I know, he's an asshole. Big news..."

"No, not Sparrow Ben, our Ben."

"What?" She nearly crashed the car when she made a turn to head to the Academy. "How?"

"He found this sort of subway where the train takes you to different timelines, there's a crack in time and space which made several portals around the world to this station. The timelines are bleeding into each other."

"Please don't say another apocalypse is coming, I can't cope," she huffed.

"No, I mean, not if we find out how this is all connected. It's supposed to be one timeline, The Keepers, that group Sy mentioned... Lila and I have been infiltrated there for months and they know we're in the wrong timeline."

"Well fuck, that means the cleanse is a little more drastic than I thought."

"How do you know about the cleanse?"

"Abigail told me, it's a whole chemical thing with Jennifer. I'll explain better once I'm there."

"Jennifer? Oh, that makes sense why Dad is trying to keep her away from society."

"He is?"

"Jean and Gene, the leaders of that group I told you about were just murdered along with a bunch of their followers when they tried to kidnap Jennifer from the make-believe town where she lives. Everyone in the town is a Hargreeves soldier."

"Alright, I'm so confused. The Klaus hunt will have to wait, I'll be there in five... Five."

Tag List: @jozstankovich @firstpersonnarrator @salvador-daley

[lettersfromaplatypus]

It is taking me an embarrassingly long time to watch season 4 but here’s some episode reactions so far that nobody asked for (keeping in mind I was mildly spoiled just by being on tumblr)

Ep1: I was kinda on board for a few minutes until people started treating Klaus’s mental health issues like they were things he should just get over. His fear of germs is basically brushed aside and made fun of, they pressured him to go to places he SPECIFICALLY said would probably trigger him, he’s been sobering up but when he mentions this he gets brushed off or made fun of again AND THEN THEY STRAIGHT UP HAD HIM DO A SHOT AGAINST HIS WILL?? What the fuck that’s not funny and quirky humor that’s at best cringe and at worst is insulting.

Also I know from what people have been saying what is about to happen with this “Diego thinks Lila is cheating on him” thing and like… why couldn’t it have just been that?? It would have been frustrating, but they could have used it to laugh like “wow Diego you dummy” and it wouldn’t be purely creepy character assassination! You know it’s bad when I’m rooting for the “thinks their spouse is cheating” sub plot.

I did like seeing items from when they were the Umbrella Academy in the first season/as kids that was fun. And where did Sloan go? Did she die? Haven’t seen any mention of her but honestly am not that sad about it. Luther’s character keeps doing 180s but at least he’s nice in this turn?

Ep2: ok I have to admit that Luther getting gorilla-body back in the middle of his strip tease was actually funny to me. Same with Diego finally throwing packages well. Still hate this Ben for spiking them. It’s interesting how their powers came back and made them sick/out of control. Limp tentacle Ben…no.

KLAUS DIDNT DRINK IT YAY GOOD FOR HIM. Ok Viktor go off I like that he snapped at Ben. Ok, don’t hate me but… family road trip in a goodwill scooby-doo van with all but one member sick af, rolling down a road with Baby Shark playing in the background… THAT’S funny. The vomiting I could’ve done without.

Well fuck… the dilemma of Klaus not wanting his powers back but them doing it to save his life… god why. And what’s up with this girl?? Also their powers got upgraded? Is Luther bullet proof now? Why does Lila have laser eyes when her thing was mimicking others?

OH AND THE TIMELINE THING? I assumed this was a thing where there’s only one timeline, and each time they fucked with it it messed everything up— like trying to go back and fix things makes it worse because they’re only working with one timeline in one universe. That’s why Five ran into his past self who was about to go back in time to save his family during season 2. But then Five gets on the subway and apparently can go to different timelines? Which means that they just have to get back to their own? But wouldn’t that one still have future apocalypse?