#kitty husband and spider husband...

[sillygh0st]

day 3 of spiderbit fluff or fright!! The prompt was hybrids <33

[luxthestrange]

Avatar Memes#6

Cat!Husband and Their Dumpster Raccoon Spouse-...Kitty Spider

[fl3shm4id3n]

ₛₚᵢdₑᵣ ₙₒᵢᵣ wᵢₜₕ ₐ ₛₚᵢdₑᵣ Bᵢₘbₒ/Gyₐᵣᵤ! ᵣₑₐdₑᵣ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ꜱᴘɪᴅᴇʀ ɴᴏɪʀ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ꜱᴘɪᴅᴇʀ ʙɪᴍʙᴏ/ɢʏᴀʀᴜ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Tw: None ♡

A/N: My first Spider Noir hc, I hope ya'll like it. For some reason I just want to write about Spider Bimbo/Gyaru! reader all day. I saw this art of him and dayum he is fine af.

Masterlist

You and Noir are total opposites, while he is all black and white, you're pink and every other bright color that you could think of.

Noir was head over heels for you when he first met, he was already thinking about proposing to you and making you his wife. (In my opinion he seems like the guy who wants to settle down and get married.)

This man treats you like a lady. He opens the door for you and lets you go in first, hold your hand while walking down the stairs, even hold your purse for you and will use his coat to cover a puddle for you to walk on so that you don't get your heels dirty. Such a gentlemen.

His nicknames for you are 'Sweetheart' or 'My Lady'

He also loves how nice and sweet you are to everyone around you, that made him fall for you even more.

Noir likes to hold your hand, despite being in public places, he is holding your manicured hand. He also likes to look at your nails, seeing what kind of designs or colors you have on them. He wants to get every detail and also compliments on how you or the nail tech that does your nails in talented.

He likes to give you flowers, it doesn't have to be some kind of holiday or anniversary, he always give you flowers. If he can't get you a bouquet, he'll give you the prettiest flower he spots in a bush.

He doesn't mind you taking or using his hat, if his hat somehow matches what you're wearing, he'll let you wear it. He'll complement on how beautiful you look wearing his hat.

If you ever want to do matching outfits, or both of you have something that matches, he doesn't mind wearing pink or whatever colorful thing you have for him.

Back in his universe everything is back and white, plus the woman would dress like the beauty standards from their time, but Noir finds your style unique, he loves how your style, very much.

He likes to take pictures of you, he has you literally pose in many different poses so that he can get every angle. You are his muse. Back home he had all the pictures he took of you hanged in his walls.

He is the first person to defend you, he doesn't allow any one to disrespect a woman in his presence, specially you. Noir knows that you're smart, but you just have another way of showing it.

Noir gifts you stuff that you like, he pays close attention to your interests. For example, if you like Hello Kitty, he'll go get you something with Hello Kitty on it. A purse, plush, jacket, belt, jewelry, whatever.

He also wants to show off that he could provide for you, like a good husband he wishes to be for you.

After a while of dating, you might engaged. He got a Hello Kitty ring or a pink diamond ring. If you don't want to marry him, that's fine, he just wants to be with you, forever if possible.

Taglist: @sorryi-mtrash, @call-me-nev

[spinningalbinoturtle]

Lotr characters and their dogs (and other pets)

Frodo

Canonically not a dog person but also just has cat person vibes

He has two cats one of them is a chubby gray kitty named Luthien and she is incredibly spoiled. A birthday present from Bilbo

His other cat is a stray who hates everyone but Frodo- its super scrangly and Sam calls it Gollum and it stuck

After the Quest Frodo gets a little beagle service dog that helps him with PTSD and other medical stuff

Sam

Pre Quest had an old basset hound named Fingon. His dad said they didn’t have room for it but Sam insisted on feeding it and when he moved in with Frodo it came along.

Post quest he has a border collie named Ellie (short for Galadriel) who helps him replant the shire

He also keeps chickens at Bag End and spoils them a bit. They are just for eggs

Also has a little dairy cow for fresh milk. Her name is Bell after his mom

Merry

The Brandybucks have a pack of mastiffs and they love Merry. Frodo is terrified of them

They also have several feral maine coones that lounge around their manor and also love Merry but hate everyone else

Has a full size horse post quest which he is very proud of and scares the other hobbits. Its name is Theoden

Pippin

Lets be honest with ourselves Pippin has a lab who has the exact same personality as him and they go everywhere together. Its name is something really basic like Buddy

He also keeps turtles and has a whole menagerie for them. They’re all named after different foods

Aragorn

Aragorn has a husky/malamute that he found on his travels north. He howls back and forth with it and is convinced he can understand it. When he becomes king it sits at the foot of his throne and occasionally will randomly howl in the middle of a meeting.

Horse girl all the way. Brego is his bestie. Man takes excellent care of his horse and buys all kinds of extraneous shit for it.

Boromir

Denethor has a pack of vicious looking dogs but Boromir has a Dalmatian that loves him so much

Faramir adopts it for a while after Boromir dies but Faramir is much more of a cat person, so ultimately its adopted by Aragorn and becomes mates with his husky. The puppies go to his and Arwens kids

Legolas

This could go one of two ways-either he has a super graceful hunting dog like a greyhound or whippet or he has a little pomeranian he dresses up and treats like a baby

He has tried to domesticate the spiders with little success maybe because he’s also killed a lot of them

Gimli

Gimli is a terrier person. He has a little Scottish terrier who sits on his lap all the time when he’s working. Gimli made it a little sweater and it hates Legolas (its jealous of Legolas stealing Gimli’s attention).

He also keeps canaries and they are very well cared for and all have names and he’s the only one who can tell them apart

Eowyn

Has a massive Rottweiler who is super intimidating to everyone except Eowyn. It has bitten Grima multiple times. Around Eowyn it acts like a little puppy.

She also loves her horse as all Rohirrim do.

I could also see her as raising ferrets or chinchilas as well

Faramir

Firmly a cat person

Doesn’t mind dogs but vastly prefers cats

Has six of them and they’re all rescues. Their names are : Mithrandir, Radagast, Varda, Melian, Beren, and Pippin.

Eowyn indulges her crazy cat husband even when their house is overrun with kittens

Arwen

Also firmly a cat person

She’s fine Aragorn’s dog but that’s just cause its well trained

Usually just has one or two cats at a time. They’re a special breed from Lothlorien and they’re really beautiful. They like to sit on her lap and purr. They’re also vicious mousers.

Eomer

Has a big great dane who hangs out in Edoras. Its super sweet and dorky. Everyone loves it.

[beauisoffline]

Since you did Innes, do you have any headcannons for his other half?

ah yes innes and his work husband (his boyfriend) muir

Muir is a huge fan of pranks. He once pranked Innes after putting a fake spider on his bed.

Muir wears hello kitty socks that his neice gifted him.

If he was still alive, he'd know every Britney Spears song by heart.

Muir is around 45 during the events of swtd

Muir got infected when the Flesh suddenly branched out from the Derrick as he and Innes went to see what was happening with the drill.

My idea for the infected is that they still think their human as they wander, not knowing they had become fleshy, murderous puppets to the Flesh. Hence the reason Muir was calling out for innes- and calling the rest of his now murdered crewmates "liars" and mad for "not helping him." .

He always grabs the wrong helmet no matter what. He never has his actual helmet.

Muir loves Christmas. Not as much as Dobbie or Gibbo- but enough to decorate his whole cabin with lights and plushies galore

as said before in another hc post I made, He loves the beach, and serching for shells and hermit crabs. Following that, Muri has a pet hermit crab back on the mainland he calls Clawrence.

[sketchyskelly-1884]

bweird OCtober day 14: who/what inspired your oc

hehehehehehehe

i've been excited for this one

first we have ziggy who was inspired by jack the red ranger from power rangers spd and 3d sonic

next we have nova

kinda obviously inspired by miku yyayayaya

then we have cyprus

can you tell genshin stole my life for a while

he's based off cyno, tighnari, and gorou

next is emelda

whos based off the marvolous mrs maisel and my general love for 50s fashion (blame call the midwife)

and last but not least for this (cos i haven't drawn really half my ocs cos theres so many of them that i need to hammer out the design for properly) is harley

who's based off the Harley davidson motor bike and fran from final fantasy XII

and errr heres a list of other ocs and who/what they're based off

luna - 2B

sol - 9s and diego brando

cloud - joker p5

cosmos - komi from komi can't comunicate

astro - corpse husband

comet - makoto yuki/persona 3 male protag

stevie - marina (previously marina and the diamonds)

nyx - hellhounds

edgar - sebastian from black butler and jeeves from jeeves and wooster

scotty - gordon ramsey

jay - double trouble from she-ra princess of power

cameron (cami) - ai from persona 4

kaoru - naoto from persona 4

kitty (katherine) - kanami from persona 4 daancing all night

raphael - the arc angel raphael

garbiel - morpheus

ellie - the ocean, meramids, and seirens

alicia - alice in wonderland/alice through the looking glass books

edmund - henry cavil in the witcher

ezekiel - jon stewart green lanturn and luke cage

linsey - spider gewn

melody - tohr from miss kobayashi's dragon maid

okay i'm done, i have more but eh i'm eepy

[valentine-cafe]

*can relate to abandonment issues and is both sympathetic and wants to protect, but is so scared of Rishen 209, so tries to leave his and his husband's avourite dessert for them, as well as a treat for their kitty cat in his office while attempting to be discreet-*

Also, he knows asl? That's so cool! And their cat's name is so very cute/endearing♥️

⊹ ۪ ࣪ ᥫ᭡ earth 209 rishen herrera & jingyi herrera

˗ˏˋ꒰🍰꒱ spider, mantis, moth monster x reader, mad scientist x reader, villain x reader, snake hybrid x reader, mad doctor x reader, yandere x reader

you’d be interrupted by a soft whistle from behind.

when you whip around with that nervous look written all over your features, you are created by the sight of the husbands themselves. looking upon you with a mixture of great curiosity and amusement.

“what might this be?” the scientist calls, taking a step towards you with a smile you aren’t too sure is kind or not.

“is this poisoned?” jingyi chuckles from the desk and you’re whipping around to let out a hasty, “no!” as he takes a bite out of whatever you’ve prepared.

“seems not.” he muses.

before you can turn back, a tender hand lays upon your cheek and draws you nearer. lips pressing a soft kiss against your cheek.

“thank you, cariño.” rishen’s soft voice hums against your ear before you hand it taken by his husband’s. a kiss laid upon your knuckles.

“now how about we treat you a bit, hmm?”

⊹ ۪ ࣪ yes he knows asl! he learnt it to better communicate with jingyi<3 also yes their cat is soooo precious sobs

[liam-an-siorc]

BBC Ghosts pirate au?? Hmm?? Yes?? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️???

Note: They are all alive at the same time like how they are as ghosts if you get what I mean

Robin: running away from a bear one day during a storm he runs to the doc and hides inside a ship that's tied up there because the bear is sceard of the water Robin is scared to go back on land after the storm ends because there might be bear so decides to take this ship he lives there for a year stealing from navy ships to survive

Humphrey: same sort of thing his thing with his wife happen but not catholic plot because different era but he gets blamed for it and runs out he runs to the doc and it’s spotted by a pirate going by who is robin, robin decides to help he but Humphrey is injured he has a scar on the back of his neck from this and now has a peg leg but robin helped him and he survived (peg leg and scar trying to represent how it is for him with the head cut off)

Mary: Accused of killing her husband and stealing from the town she’s thrown in jail and is going to be executed but her “friend” Annie breaks her out so they run away and find there way onto robins ship then later when we have more ghosts Annie and her get married !!! It’s one of them gay marriage on pirate ship things yes

Kitty: Polly (if you remember she was mentioned in Kittys death episode) is convinced Eleanore is going to murder kitty for the inheritance to tells kitty this kitty dose not believe her until kitty gets bitten by a non deadly spider and gets lightly poisoned from this Polly thinks this was Eleanore so when kitty wakes she tells her they need to go immediately kittys listens because she’s not fully in her mind and gose with her Polly sees robins boat passing and asked them to take kitty, kitty confused gose on the boat and Polly runs back (yeah i didn’t know how to do that one because kitty would not believe her sister wanted to kill her also ik Eleanore did not kill Kitty but in this it’s what Polly though)

Thomas: Similar thing to kitty he finds out about Francis wanting to kill him and foraging the letters so tried to get out because he was scared he would try again he made his way to the ship with or without Isabell you can chose if you want canon as we can be or happy ness

Fanny: I dont know she finds her husband cheating znd it breaks her mask a following the "ladylike" rules and so she decided fuck it I'm a pirate now I'm going to steal from stupid rich men who think I'm not clever and are less then them because of my gender but she's still quite strict bc can't take her character

The captian: Part of the navy yes ik he dose not like the navy but you understand why yes? So anyway part of navy his love havers leaves for some big battle or something he think he died but he did not but then there gay love is reveled and they run away and join the crew where they have a gaygay homosexual gay pirate wedding like Annie and Mary did to they find them married and stop hiding snd get married themselves I refuse to stick to Canon for the gays so sorry

Pat: I can't think of a way he would ever choose to leave his family so making alot of stuff up so same sort of carry on happens a child injures him badly and he passes out close to shore the kids are lids and afraid so they run off then Pat is found by the crew and they try to help him but the police ofthe time see and try kill them all so then they run with Pat and get away but then police are looking for then so they can't go back there so Pat cant go back bc he will be killed

Julian: Gets drunk ends up on the ship

Mike and Alison don't have anywhere to live they end up on a ship

If they are conterdicting eachother then I'm sorry this was in drafts for ages kept coming back to it and going away and also if its not fully historical accurate I am sorry this is only for fun

[nemo-me-impune]

Ghosts and their fear entities based on their deaths

Captain - The Ceaseless Watcher - obvs, they turned their gaze upon the wretched thing

Mary - The Desolation - also obvs, nothing lightless about that flame lol

Patrick - The Slaughter - give a child a weapon and they will immediately use it without thinking

Fanny - The Dark - she was kept in the dark by her husband and then shoved out into the dark by him as well

Thomas - The Lonely - I was also thinking the Spiral or the Web because he was lied to and manipulated, but Thomas was most upset about the fact he died alone

Robin - The Vast - also a candidate for the Hunt since that's technically what got him, or the Spiral since we know lighting is associated with the Spiral, but I agree with Mike Crew and think it has much more to do with the Vast and also Robin's been stuck in the vast expanse of time as well

Kitty - The Web - losing her young, healthy life to a completely accidental spider bite no one could possibly have any control over and no one could have stopped

Julian - The Corruption - Pretty clean death for the Corruption but it is all about unhealthy expressions of physicality, and while Flesh would be the funny answer it's not quite as accurate

Humphrey - The Stranger - his wife was a stranger to him, she wasn't who he thought she was, and he ultimately became alienated from even his own self

Annie - The Buried - she couldn't breathe under the suffocating weight of her oppression, literally

And Alison is an avatar of the End, obviously.

[dyrewrites]

Get everything ready, have my coffee, screen set on nightime mode, document open, blankie on shoulders, ready to revise this traumatic monster novel...

Phone squawks, "When you get a minute, can you help me with a thing?"

The thing in question was my fluffy senior baby cat, who was in bed with my husband, and covered in something unseemly on account of he is very fluffy and the litterbox hates him.

So I spent my morning cleaning a cat while my husband threw up, and apologized profusely for not being able to help (I clean the smelly messes in the house, he takes care of the spiders, he had no reason to apologize).

My kitty hates me now, and will for the rest of the day. For the indignity I put him through, of course, because it is all my fault.

All of that is fine, have done before, should not be a big deal.

But it is because sitting back down to revise proved useless. Brain won't go. Says it is done for the day.

Moods and emotions are a delightful bit of skullfuckery, aren't they?

Makes it a little easier to understand the word "insanity" when you're blood is full of bees and you feel like you could run a marathon but your brain insists you can't. Because you're actually very tired. So tired. Didn't you know how tired you are? Not enough to sleep, of course, just enough to sit and melt in a chair and stare dead-eyed at a screen.

Insanity.

[joethetoonfanandoutcast]

Offspring Rating List: Disney characters

Now, time for Disney, the leading New World Order company. Keep in mind that this is only half done because there are so many characters (especially male-female pairs) that Disney has, I'll have to re-edit this, adding more.

Mickey/Minnie: yes (why hasn't the company ever given them one)

Donald/Daisy: ???

Goofy/whichever girl: ??? (he's been granted Max already)

Pete/Peg: granted two

Gadget/Zipper: granted 42, I think

Max/Roxanne: ???

Max/Mona: ???

PJ/Beret Girl: ???

Bobby/Stacy: ???

Snow White/Florian: ???

Bambi/Faline: granted two

Thumper/Miss Bunny: granted a few

Flower/Miss Skunk: granted one

Cinderella/Prince Charming: ???

Anastasia/Baker: ???

Jaq/Mary: ???

Lady/Tramp: granted four

Scamp/Angel: ???

Ruby/Buster: ???

Jim Dear/Darling: granted one

Aurora/Phillip: ???

Pongo/Perdita: granted 15 (though adopted 84 more)

Roger/Anita: ???

Baloo/Rebecca: Beckers has Molly but I'm not sure about further

Kit/Molly: ???

Hathi/Winifred: granted one

Thomas/Duchess: three plus how many kittens originally planned for a follow-up

Robin/Marian: yes; either six or a dozen

Father Saxton/Little Sister: ???

Bernard/Bianca: ???

Tod/Vixey: yes (six should be just fine, at least that's what Vixey thinks)

Taran/Eilonwy: ???

Basil/Miss Kitty: maybe

Dodger/Rita: yes

Tito/Georgette: ???

Ariel/Eric: granted one

Belle/Adam: ???

Lumiere/Fifi: ???

Cogsworth/Wardrobe: ???

Angelique/Fife: ???

Aladdin/Jasmine: ???

Iago/Thundra: ???

Simba/Nala: granted three

Timon/Tatiana: ???

Pocahontas/John Rolfe: ???

Nakoma/her husband: ???

Nakoma/Thomas (in some sequel-less AU): ???

Centipede/Miss Spider: ???

Earthworm/Glowworm: ???

Quasimodo/Madelleine: ???

Phoebus/Esmeralda: granted one

Hercules/Meg: ???

Mulan/Li Shang: ???

Yao/Mei: ???

Ling/Ting-Ting: ???

Chien-Po/Su: ???

Flik/Atta: ???

Rosie/Slim (if they became one): ???

Tarzan/Jane: ???

Aladar/Neera: most likely

Kuzco/Malina: ???

Kronk/Miss Birdwell: maybe

Milo/Kida: yes

Mike/Celia: yes

Tylor/Val: ??? (if they want to be more than friends)

Nani/David: maybe

Stitch/Angel: ??? (I don't know if they should, considering they were both created by Jumbaa)

Dr. Doppler/Captain Amelia: granted four

Kenai/Nita: yes

Rutt/Anda: yes

Tuke/Kata: yes

Maggie/Bob: no

Grace/Barry: no

Mrs. Calloway/Junior: no

Lucius/Honey: ???

Violet/Tony: ???

Chicken Little/Abby: maybe

Runt/Foxy Loxy: no

Linguini/Colette: ???

Edward/Nancy: ???

John/Mary: ???

Bolt/Mittens: no (I'd rather it was in a human-free anthropomorphic world)

Tiana/Naveen: maybe

Charlotte/Travis: maybe

Rapunzel/Eugene: maybe

Felix/Calhoun: maybe

Anna/Kristoff: ???

Hiro/Gogo: ???

Riley/Jordan: no (I'm not sure if any thing between them would last)

Judy/Nick: ???

Flash/Priscilla: ???

Luca/Giulia: ???

Mariano/Dolores: ???

Meilin/Carter: no

Meilin/Tyler: no

Wade/Ember: yes

Clod/his girlfriend: ???

Gale/Fern: ???

[evita-shelby]

The Troublesome Trio

Dad!Jack Nelson for @call-sign-shark @thegreatdragonfruta @zablife and all those who voted for him in the poll.

Dad!Tommy will come later today or tomorrow.

Happy new year's eve y'all ✨️

Cw: small mentions of past sexual assault by a priest

Everything had been set for New Years.

Having learned his lesson about inviting the Riley-De Souza-Rosales and other surnames attached to Eva’s family over for thanksgiving, now most major celebrations were to be held in Rockwood Hall now that it has become the seat of the Riley Clan.

Gina had come once during the summer but then got into a tiff with one of the younger girls over something stupid like all teenage girls do. It had been irritating, getting interrupted in the middle of the night because Gina had learned the hard way quiet little Nayeli was the daughter of a professional spy and assassin.

He loved his niece, his only family besides Eva and the children, but she was even more of a handful than their four children at seventeen.

“Will you two be good boys for Nanny?” he asks the twin boys who turn five in May. Joseph was the more active of the two, but Junior made up for his sickly nature by being the brains.

It had been Junior who decided their mama’s pearls and daddy’s pocket watch were going to be the buried treasure when playing pirates, that they should hide in the washing machine to scare Alice the maid and even worse, switch places.

Luckily Jack knew his namesake was slightly shorter than his older identical twin brother and Eva was magical and read auras or some shit like that.

Most people, especially Eva’s older relatives like her bitch aunt Livia or her uncle Benito with the bad eyesight confused them to hell and back.

Little Jack, being his father’s son, used that to his advantage.

“Yes, sir.” The boy said as he had taught them too and for good measure Jack asked to see their hands so they don’t cross their fingers.

Even Rosie made her trouble despite her delays in growth. Took longer to walk and talk and do things other children did, but she could give most nannies a run for their money if she didn’t like you.

“Rosemary, sweetheart, daddy didn’t hear you.”

She smiled mischievously and batted her eyelashes as she bit her new sleeve to shreds, a habit they found cute even if a bit concerning, and only nodded in response.

Didn’t help at all that Rosie looked like Gina, not his niece, but his baby sister who died of consumption so she got away with things the boys could never.

“Alright, if you don’t feel like talking this morning, I’ll let it pass this once.” The gangster turned millionaire relented as he always did.

Besides the most trouble Rosie would cause would be wanting to sleep with them because of those nightmares she has of the man in the white coat.

Jack wouldn’t begrudge her that, he still has nightmares about the priest who raped his sisters and tried to do the same to him.

“How long do you think they’ll behave for, husband?” Eva asks as she settled with one year old Katherine in the passenger seat of their car.

“Won’t even make it out of the street.” It’s not that the youngest bank president in America didn’t trust their word, he just knew he and his witch would never make angels.

And sure enough they hear one of the maids find a fake spider in Kitty’s basinet as Jack pulls out of the driveway.

“It was me! It was me!” Rosie admits with joy knowing damn well she won’t get disciplined for it.

Rockwood Hall is/was the country home of JD Rockefeller and until it was demolished, the second largest house in America. Was sold in 1922 after he died, and in this universe the Rileys bought it since they were all exiled from Mexico by then.

Rosemary Kennedy was disabled and lobotomized in the 1940s at the age of 23 after her impairment worsened, we don'tknow what she had as her family kept everything including her very hidden after the lobotomy left her permanently disabled. Rosie Nelson is disabled since she is based off her.

Jack's famous first meeting with Tommy, he tells him his first kill was the priest who tried to sexually abuse him, in the fic the priest had already sexually assaulted his older and younger sisters.

[yandere-writer-momo]

Monster F-er here to ask another question;

Coraline AU, you think Oliver would have that other form? (Creepy AF Skeletal-Spider Form, or would he be abnormally beefy and skeletal that sounds SO much worse to me spider form)

And do you think his deal would be to find a Wife that he can spoil and love? (He’s not interested in feeding on his wife, after all, that’s what the Husbands’ he catches in his web meals he cooks/gets are for 😊)

Better yet, which of the Baki Men would be the sassy kitty? (Personal fav, I love cats)

I don’t have Arachnophobia, but I believe the logical response to a abnormally large Humanoid Spider Monster/Entity would be to RUN (Run b*tch! RUN!) Pure Nightmare Fuel

If you like my twisted little dark mind and devious ideas, thank you (Platonically, ironically I’m Ace but I tend to have a very dirty little mind)

Baki is the sassy cat. For sure. He’s such a little shit. (Also #ace #demisexual gang)

I just feel like Oliva would be a giant buff drider. None of the skeletal parts. He’s just a big man spider

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 611, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby, child intoxication, death of a minor character, injured baby, kidnapped child

WORDS: 1045

“Hello!” I greeted the woman as she parked her car in the driveway. “You must be Millie Blackfield from Men’s Health! Come in!”

Millie stepped into utter madness.

“WALL!” screamed little girl, sending the Ratajczyk babies into forming a shield wall. Little girl had been learning about Vikings in her kindergarten class, and had been busy in reenacting her learnings with her army of Ratajczyk babies. “PULL!”

Katie was doing gentle yoga stretches and wriggling her toes that were confined in her bright red 3D printed cast. Elizabeth was curled up nearby devouring a copy of Nancy Drew and the Spider Sapphire Mystery. Their American Gil dollies were sitting “pretty as a peach” next to each other, their adorable buckteeth smiles lighting up the room.

“What can I get pictures of first?” Millie asked, not even blinking an eye at all the mayhem as Baby Jojo rolled a ball towards her feet. She gently kicked the ball back over towards her way, being greeted with a wild screech of glee from the little girl as Daisy rocketed out from who knows where and grabbed the ball.

“Upstairs, Peter is having me help him with his hair.” I pointed my lips towards the stairs.

“Ah, perfect!” Millie trailed after me, pausing to let me yell down to the kids that Elizabeth and Katie were in charge and not to make a big mess. “The kids seem like they’re good and well behaved. Can you let me into your secret?”

“Peter and I had made it obvious that the house is a safe place where it’s completely acceptable to be vulnerable and cry or to be enraged and scream and cry and tear things about. This house is full of love, and nothing more,” I answered, breaking out into a happy smile at Peter vacuuming the floor of our shared bedroom.

“Hihi sweetheart,” he greeted me affectionately, turning the vacuum off and standing it up by the door as a reminder to go back downstairs again. “Where do you want us?”

~xoXox~

I had spent the better part of an hour putting more black hair dye onto my handsome older husband’s graying scalp. I had elected to do so wearing my favorite pair of jeans and lacey underwear that gently skimmed my waistband, providing people with the briefest glance of green lace. I had thrown my wayside curls up on top of my head in a messy bun and wore no t-shirt, granting access to my beloved angel wings tattoos that crossed over my back. I stood in between Peter’s knees as I brushed dye onto his roots, with his tattooed fists gripping my hip and the back of my neck, creating a delightfully arousing sight, even with Mittens twirling herself around our ankles.

CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK

MEOW Mittens said, looking up at the two of us before erupting into a thunderous purrs.

PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR

“Good kitty,” I giggled, pulling away from Peter to scoop the motherly cat into my arms and turn back to face Millie as Peter began to wash his head in the shower, kneeling by the side of the tub to do so.

MEOW Mittens looked utterly pleased with herself for some reason or other as I smothered the sweet tempered cat with kisses.

CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK

MEOW Mittens rolled herself onto her back, resembling a tiny little baby being cradled in my arms. She gently bapped my chin, earning her a kiss on her pink nose from her human mommy. MEOW

With a chattering chitter, Primrose suddenly exploded into the bathroom, clearly having a massive case of skunkie zoomies.

“Oh, that’s right, you have a pet skunk!” Millie asked, shouting out with laughter as the family pet skunk leapt onto her foot with an excited chitter.

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW yowled Mittens, not budging from being her human mommy’s source of concealment from Millie as she continued to take pictures.

CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK

Just then-

THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD

Millie stopped taking pictures and ducked out to investigate the sound of what could only be described as a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses thundering up and down the stairs again. I took the moment to set Mittens back down again before redressing myself back into my comfy bra and crop top as Peter folded up his wet locks into a towel turban.

“Let me guess- Daisy and Jack Sparrow are engaged in stair zoomies?” I called out in a teasing tone of voice as Millie came back into the bathroom, shaking her head in amused disbelief.

“You’d be correct,” she smiled, her camera hanging from a strap looped around her neck, narrowly avoiding stepping on Primrose as the skunk zoomed out of the bathroom to go join Daisy and Jack Sparrow with a thousand and one excited chatter.

“Welcome to yet another average day at the Ratajczyk house,” I droned, leaning my hip into Peter’s side. “Now that you’re here, you aren’t allowed to leave ever again.”

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@elianafilthyrose

@ch3rry-c01a

@rockstarslutt

@angelxfuckk

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (9-15 Jun 2024)

actually me this week. week full of office meetings. did not like.

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😊 Murder on the French Riviera (Miss Underhay Mystery #16) (Helena Dixon, author; Karen Cass, narrator) - Kitty & Matt do a bit of off the books espionage on the French Riviera. I find this series relaxing - it's entertaining, predictable, charming & superficial.

🥰 the warmth of your doorways (cicer) - 00Q, 384K (WIP) - fake marriage that starts as a QPP, fairly quickly becomes romantic, eventual even sexual as they both heal trauma & become domesticated; great slow burn journey to get there, never got bogged down, just took its time. Loved being in JB's POV as he slowly becomes domesticated, realizes he doesn't hate it, grapples with that, realizes he's actually in love with his husband, starts working thru & healing trauma. WIP (possibly abandoned) but honestly where it currently ends makes for a reasonably satisfactory stopping point. I liked that the author was very clear upfront that QPP aren't inferior in any way but that this is the story they wanted to tell about these characters.

💖💖 +15K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

You Were a Kindness When I Was a Stranger (DevilDoll) - TW: Sterek, 8K - another forever fave reread; a bdsm arrangement-to-lovers

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Romancing the Rainbow (with Alyssa Cole, Dominic Lim, Cat Sebastian & Rebekah Weatherspoon) [author panel hosted by Wade County Public Library]

Girls5eva - s1, e3

Thousandaires - s1, e2

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Desert Island Discs - Greg Davies, comedian

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Am I OK? is a coming-out movie for adults

Short Wave - Illegal Wildlife Trade Is Booming. What Does That Mean For The Confiscated Animals?

The Allusionist - 196. Word Play 6: Beeing

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Secret Nazi Weather Station Named Kurt

The Sporkful - Book Tour 2: How’d You Get So Good At Failure?

WikiHole - Renaissance Faires (with Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenney-Silver and Michael Ian Black)

Here & Now Anytime - Diddy's downfall: 'Vibe Check' weighs in

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 5. | Behind the Hedgerow

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 6. | Lyme

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Our favorite graduation moments in pop culture

Short Wave - From The Physics Of G-Force To Weightlessness: How It Feels To Launch Into Space

⭐ Switched on Pop - Freaking out about songwriting with Nile Rodgers

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Black Cultural Archives

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 7. | Lady Russell Returns

99% Invisible - The Los Angeles Leaf Blower Wars

Today, Explained - Was that antisemitic?

Vibe Check - We Have Different Gay Voices

Worlds Beyond Number - WWW #16: Everything

Dinner’s on Me - Sarah Paulson

⭐ Slow Burn - Gays Against Briggs | Bonus Interview: Silvana & Larry

⭐ Wild Card - A rare dive into David Lynch's mind

Wild Card - David Lynch on the afterlife + Bowen Yang's childhood memento

Worlds Beyond Number: Fireside - Fireside Chat for WWW ep16 "Everything"

Song Exploder - Crowded House "Don't Dream It's Over"

Clean Water Works - Dam Removals and the Cuyahoga's Comeback

Dear Prudence - I’m Sick of Feeling Like I’m Always the One Doing All The Work in Dating. Help!

Endless Thread - Looking for a Man, Finding a Record Deal

It's Been a Minute - Conservatives want to burn flags too; plus, the power of a singing POTUS

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Inside Out 2 And What's Making Us Happy

Short Wave - Why You Shouldn't Worry About Invasive Joro Spiders

Dinner’s on Me - Justin Long

Hit Parade - I Wanna Rock with Q. Edition

Welcome to Night Vale #250 - Father Kevin

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Disco 2024

Pop Radio • Deep cuts

Kylie Minogue

[lannisterdaddyissues]

Ahhh sleepover!! 😆 need to know all your pennymav headcanons and also how was your day?

OMG SLEEPOVER WITH THE BESTIE WHAT WILL WE DO 😝💕🎶

^us rn <3

as for my day, it was really good!!!! i visited my parents today, we went out to dinner at this really nice backwoods restaurant! they had really delicious seafood and it was run on a farm, so they had a whole garden out back with a bunch of farm animals to go look at, plus i got to meet two of the restaurant cats and they were soooo sweet 🥺 one of them jumped up on the railing whenever i walked by because it wanted me to pet it and i just ughrsdghsrgfh kitties 💗

anyway PENNYMAV HEADCANONS !!!! GOD I LOVE THEM SM I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS IN MY INBOX BC I CANNOT THINK ABOUT THEM ENOUGH <33333 THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME

so without further ado, the goods:

penny was the first person mav serenaded in a bar when they were younger

penny liked to think she had high standards but mav had her as soon as he opened his mouth

he still sings to her in private but don’t make the mistake of asking him to sing in public. that right belongs to penny and penny alone

penny was actually the one who convinced mav to steal the f-18

she was literally insane back then

mav tells this story to everybody but they never believe him because penny is literally god’s perfect angel

penny thinks this is hilarious and gaslights him about it because she thinks it’s cute when he gets mad

mav is so easy though. all it takes to earn his forgiveness is a kiss on the cheek. #simp

brunch dates are their thing

they do go out for fancy dinners every once in a while, but casual settings are actually preferred because they don’t want to force their relationship, keeping things chill and low-key is fine with them

also, penny is OBSESSED with breakfast food

her go-to order is a stack of buttermilk pancakes with powdered sugar and fruit on it because she loves sweets and fruit

mav just orders something healthy and boring like avocado toast lol. he’s a health nut with terrible taste in food (seriously he would eat a brick if you served it to him on a plate, he tastes no

difference)

penny highlights her hair now because it used to be more naturally auburn when she was younger and she misses the color

her hair was actually the first thing mav noticed about her when they first met, he thought it was so prettyyyy

penny cannot stand roaches and spiders so mav has to play brian pest control in her house once every few months

for real if penny sees a roach it’s game over. she will scream and wail like a banshee until mav finally ambles over to get rid of them for her, she’s so pathetic about them

on the other hand penny LOVES lizards because being a reptile enjoyer is her weird girl trait. there are lots to be found at the hard deck too which is great

more often than not if amelia isn’t sitting at the bar doing homework she’s out back chasing lizards. if mav isn’t inside either then he’s out there with her

aside from de-roaching her house, mav is also penny’s personal handyman

need your lights strung up? he’s your man

need your appliances fixed? he’s your man

need repairs done on your car? he’s your man

need kisses on your forehead? he’s your man

mav gets sleepy when he’s drunk and his favorite place to nap is on penny’s chest

“she’s soft and she smells nice” - mav 2k19 (he’s no thoughts head empty for her when he gets like this)

penny loves it when he naps on her. it’s like having a heated AND weighted blanket rolled into one

however sometimes said blanket will awkwardly grope her on accident (or was it…) in the middle of the night and that’s always fun

the 86 squad jokingly buy mav wife guy t-shirts as gag gifts but he loves them and wears them unironically all the time

examples include:

“PROPERTY OF MY HOT WIFE”

“MY WIFE SAYS I ONLY HAVE TWO FAULTS 🌠 I DON’T LISTEN AND SOMETHING ELSE.” (purchased by hollywood)

“MY WIFE HAS AN AWESOME HUSBAND”

“THIS GUY HAS A 👉 CRUSH 👈 ON HIS WIFE”

mav being an old guy gets really sore sometimes and penny gives the most incredible massages

if she hadn’t opened the hard deck she could’ve been a masseuse fr

she has such soft hands!!! and her nails feel so good when they scratch his back just ufhrsgfhrsghgr

mav is in heaven rn

AAAAA AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE FOR NOW BUT THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE IT’S PAST MIDNIGHT I’M SURE I COULD THINK OF MORE IF I TRIED HARDER

also… ahaha… nsfw headcanons beneath the cut if you want… 😳👉👈

young penny and mav were both shameless harlots and had a pretty sexually open relationship

naturally this means they got into lots of threesomes because hell yeah

they’re pretty private about their sex life now though because they like to keep that part of each other all to themselves… hehehe

BUT if cyclone ever decides to take penny up on her offer he knows where to find them ;)

penny is such a lingerie girl she could be a victoria’s secret model

she likes to surprise mav with new sexy lil pieces she finds online, it keeps things spicy in the bedroom

his face is always a national treasure every time she brings out something new

if you think seeing them on her is good though? imagine how good she looks when he takes them off for her

the only thing better is how good it feels when he takes them off for her

mav is a master of the art of cunnilingus

he’s sucked so much dick between relationships you can’t tell me he doesn’t know how to use his tongue

he gets hard instantly when penny sits on his face (and he’s real for it honestly have you SEEN young jencon!!! she has the sexiest thighs i’ve ever seen in my life i want them to choke me)

if mav is a master of cunnilingus then naturally penny is the mistress of the strap

she definitely pulls mav’s hair when she fucks him

the moans he makes are OBSCENE

they have crossed off every item on their sex bucket list

fuck on a boat

fuck on a beach

fuck on the dock

fuck in a bathroom

fuck in a car

fuck in a plane

fuck in her dad’s bed

fuck in her dad’s office

fuck by a window

i cannot believe i just typed all of this jesus please forgive me