#kiss disease

[shotmrmiller]

in which johnny gifts the love of his life a sex toy outta nowhere

when you mumble into the phone that you miss him, johnny, he pauses for a second, then tells you he's going to bring you a gift back home. "to keep ye company, hen." after, he locks himself in a bathroom stall and watches you play with yourself until you both come.

but you'd thought he'd bring you a pet. a live animal that needs a cage to be brought across the world, not a long, slim unmarked box.

it's a sex toy. and it's rather large, at that. your hand wraps around the base, fingertips still a good inch apart.

"and i'm supposed to be using that?" his arms wrap around your waist, his thick stubble grazing the sensitive skin of your neck, raising goose flesh.

"don't like it? only had ye in mind, hen." he presses a wet kiss on your fluttering pulse. you've never really talked about toys in your relationship. you don't need them, of course, and johnny more than makes up for the time lost between you two whenever he's home but this?

"i don't know," you mumble. "a bullet would've made more sense, i think. at most a rose." his hands run up your sides, to the swell of your breasts and give you a gentle squeeze. he doesn't believe the tripe of people valuing size over all else, does he? the thing is easily as thick as your forearm and it's corded with veins. and it's uncut. whoever is making these are going to extreme lengths to make it as realistic as possible.

he bucks his hips, prominent bulge in his jeans coming to rest in the small of your back. of course he'd get excited. menace.

"ye willnae have t'use it alone now tha' i'm here. 'sides, i think ye'd look perfect with my pretty kitty stretched thin around it." johnny grabs your hips firmly, creating small divots as his grip tightens. "maybe i'll watch ye fuck yerself on it, hm? lap at yer clit while ye do." liquid heat pools in your belly, pulsing hot between your legs.

he really wants you to use it, given by his ragged breathing and he rutting himself against you. fine. "okay. just, not right now, yeah? i want only you in me." his eyes burn fluorescent as he nods, his large hand cradling your head as he pulls you in for a kiss.

you missed this. the sweet sting of his cock sliding home in your aching cunt, the sharp pinch below your navel when his tip comes to sit snugly against the plug of your womb. you've missed this. missed him.

maybe he'll forget all about that monstrosity sitting in the box.

-

he doesn't. he's bringing it up hours later, his spend still dripping warm on your thighs. johnny cannot be serious.

"course i am, hen." his fingers sweep at the hair stuck to your sweat-slick forehead. "is it a crime to want to see ye split open on some- something else?"

you think nothing of his stutter. "alright," you groan. if that's what he wants. it'll be interesting to see just how much you can take. you'll never tell him that your pussy clenched around nothing at the thought, his cum trickling out faster, pooling on the sheets.

-

it's not warm. the tip of it presses against your swollen entrance, cold in contrast to your heated flesh. johnny watches you swallow a gasp, your trembling hands reaching for his as you slide down an inch, two, three. johnny's cum is wonderful lube, but the searing burn- the size of toy is overwhelming, your walls being wrenched apart as you glide down further. johnny presses a prickly kiss on your cheek, cooing in your ear all the while his clever fingers draw gentle circles on your clit. "focus on breathin', bonnie. yer tensin' up."

desire begins to bubble beneath your skin, pleasure causing your muscles to warm and slacken, and after a long couple of minutes, you find yourself at the base.

but then johnny grabs your hips from behind and pulls- oh. "that's it." if you'd thought the toy had originally been in your stomach, it's now in your throat. "pretty as a peach, hen. jus' wha' i wanted to see." a shiver dances up your spine, notches trembling as you get used to the unforgiving stretch of the toy. his breath warms the side of your neck. "on yer go."

you come around it no less than three times, leaving it milky and johnny cleans it up with his mouth before he cleans you up.

-

the girth of it is something you'll never get used to but it does get easier. when johnny goes back to work, he tells you that all he asks for are videos of you using it. for his collection, he greedily says.

you send him as many as you can, no matter the hours. just a quick nsfw text before getting his thumbs up and away it goes. it's incredibly fun. the relationship hadn't been dull by any means, but this just feels invigorating. you feel rejuvenated. that johnny is your biggest cheerleader while using it is such a bonus.

you oughta marry him. maybe you'll elope the next time he's home. but when the next time comes, johnny calls you instead of messaging you the usual be home soon text.

and it sends you reeling.

bonnie. the toy treat ye well while i was gone?

no better than you could me, but yeah. i'm still sore from using it in the last video i sent you.

that's great. if ye like the toy then ye'll love the real thing, i ken. we'll be there in 10.

[disaster-bay-leaf]

wilson: almost solves house’s moby dick case

house: undresses him with his eyes

[buwheal]

if theres a pen and a canvas spamton will be drawn (electric boogaloo)

[horreurscopes]

this is my brother and i need a shovel to love him (prints)

[do-you-ship-it-polls]

Do you ship it?

reason: shuro is inlove w his sister and laios and his sister look very alike.. lots of banter potential. their personalities clash pretty well

tag: @pompompurinplushie

[valyrfia]

it just really hits in moments like this how much men HATE women. they hate us having voice, having agency, having lives so much so that they would rather our entire species go extinct just to not have to reflect on themselves, their actions, and the patriarchy.

[differentnerddiplomatopera]

Stray Gods x Odypen/Odydio/Odydiopen

To Odysseus

You’ve got one big mouth on you, don’t you?

Yet it’s me who’s closing in

Think I like that mouth on you… Won’t you?

So as a Fic…I see this as many ways

These sentiments maybe when:

Odysseus courts Penelope, he smooth talks her, whatever and she says something along the line of this.

Odysseus sweet talking himself out of trouble. Pen witnesses his wit and talks to him after.

Diomedes is annoyed due to Odysseus. Odysseus says something smart. Diomedes responds with “You’ve got one big mouth on you, don’t you?” I like that with them.

Odysseus tries to encourage/annoy Diomedes. Dio isn’t in the mood for it, say’s something like, “I love that pretty voice of yours, you know that, but I need you to shut up right now?” Odysseus is flustered or whatever.

After the Odyssey, the three of them are in bed. And Odysseus is snoring like nobody’s business (ha), Diomedes is so confused how Ody’s snoring is still cute after all this time. Pen tells him to accept it. Ody starts sleep talking, Pen and Dio start responding as if Odysseus is actually talking. (Just being cute together like)

Odysseus: Pennn, you so pretttyyy

Diomedes: Yes, I can concur

Penelope: Don’t have to tell me that, I’m gorgeous.

Diomedes: Humble much?

Odysseus: Dio, you gottsome pretty (voice drops) DEAD (normal voice) eyes

Penelope:

Diomedes: …what the actual fuck?

(Muffled Laughter) Penelope: what-why did his-holy shi-(pen commences to wheeze her ass off)

Diomedes: Am I- am I supposed to be flattered? Or offended-cause could it be my eyes are both pretty and dead looking-

Penelope: (still laughing) nononono you-you gotta say it like he did, DEAD, haHAA-

Diomedes: Or my eyes look pretty-

Penelope: I’m not listening to you unless you say it properly.

Diomedes: Fine, DEAD, cus we could-

Penelope: (eyes tearing up, body shaking, back breaking laugh)

Diomedes: I’m gonna sleep in the guest room.

Penelope: No wait-

Odysseus: getcHO ASS BACK HERE NEOWWWWWW

Diomedes:

Penelope:

Diomedes: is- thefuck- is he still asleep?

Penelope: Yes, but does it really matter? Through sickness and in health and cute insults, get back here.

Diomedes: when you wake up, we are gonna have a talk.

Screaming *Odysseus: (turns his head 180 degrees like owl) I AM GOING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU ABOUT HILL AND HORSE, SHUT YOUR- inhale* EYESSSSSSSSSS

Diomedes:

Penelope:

Diomedes: Nah. Mm no. Troy was fine, this is crap.

Penelope: He said I’m pretty.

headcanon (after the Odyssey, Odysseus sleep talks/walks a lot, sometimes it’s sweet, funny, kinda creepy, other times it’s sad and heart breaking. But they got him. They hug and give Odysseus kisses when he wakes up)

Yeah. Fic writers, please write. Especially since they are planning to take Ao3 down. Why can’t they just leave the good stuff alone 😭🥲

[eggslads]

based on that one official art🤭

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Leave wildlife alone. He probably bites.

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[venice-1987]

Soren deserves to have a little breakdown in season 7. As a treat.

[leincendiaire]

when it comes to stizzy theres nothing funnier than izzy thinking ed is insane for being so in love with stede throughout s1, like what does even fucking see in him. no one in their right mind would want stede fucking bonnet. and then s2 rolls around and god FUCKING damn it fine ok he gets it now

[transmechanicus]

Since i'm a pent-up whore, can i just say that it's really fun to take advantage of ppl's prey response by baring your teeth and making your breath hot really close to their neck or behind their ears. Everyone i've done it to absolutely melts and it's so incredibly cute and makes me want to devour them whole <3

[hyacinths-in-a-storm]

Iroh’s gaydar isn’t actually broken he just grew up around gay people and thinks that everyone is like that.

[humblegrub]

entomologyabby: Most insects are harmless! But there are a few you want to avoid, kissing bugs being one of them. Kissing bugs transmit Chagas disease. If treated early Chagas can be treated, if not Chagas can develop into a chronic infection. Many people are unfamiliar with what kissing bugs look like and I have received photos from time to time of people holding insects that can hurt them. Just be sure you know what you're handling when touching insects :)

[raptorrobot]

touch

[spideyachilles]

secrets seem so silly when they're kept from you <3 zolu comic :3 pls click for quality !!!

if you're confused about the pictographs/what they're saying, look at ALT!!! full image below 🫶