#kisame hcs

[luxscape]

🍰 for kinktober for Maito Gai, Kisame, and Madara because I know you love him. Please and thank you ;)

i do. i love all three of these men

🍰 just a sweet fantasy

Maito Gai

Unsurprisingly, a large number of Gai’s fantasies revolve around something related to athletics!

The most recurrent one, the one he’s just fixated on, is hooking up in the middle of sparring with someone.  The imagined progression of it all really gets Gai going: a slow build from dodging one another’s blows, taking the light impacts of blocking, until finally, maybe the blows are beginning to take a turn for the tougher, so he grabs their fist and whirls them into a fiery kiss...... yeah, that really does it for him.

The ideal setting for the aforementioned spar-hookup is on a gym mat in front of a giant wall mirror. Gai, the freak that he is, wants to watch every second of the action. He wants to get a burn on that mat, he wants you both to feel it afterwards.

Body worship kink, his favorite dirty talk is always praise! Gai is a giving partner and the bedroom is no exception, but he really gets off on receiving that praise. Gai loves to be ridden, fingers exploring his muscles, as his partner whispers and moans of how perfect his sculpted body is. That sensation of fingers digging into him, you gripping him everywhere, telling him how perfect it all is.... euphoric!

Kisame

He is into body worship but only through submission.  When Kisame envisions a lover lying in wait for him, it makes his breath catch in his throat a little bit.  It’s hot, to think someone wants him, wants to be touched and devoured by him—the vulnerability of submission or desire, it drives Kisame to verbal praise. To keep him fantasizing of you, simply be genuine in your need for him.

In that same vein, Kisame loves the organic spontaneity of sex with a regular partner. The thrill lies in the unpredictability. He is an opportunistic exhibitionist—if the mood strikes, he pounces. Common sites include beside bodies of water and bathhouses. Something about nudity and natural progression...

Circling back around to point one, Kisame's fantasies are consumed with themes of dominance and submission. He can respond well to initiation, but he prefers to lead. If Kisame asked you to get down and suck him off while he recorded, chances are he won't even watch the footage right away—it's the way you don't even hesitate, the way you take him all the way in without question, that's what he wants. You're in for such praise during filming, but watching the video is an entirely different type of excitement. He just wants to see that you'll do it.

Madara

In the same way I said Kisame likes to dominate? That's Madara to the maximum, baby! He just wants to see that you'll do it. You had better do it, if it's come to the point where he is asking. Madara is dominant without ethics or morality. If you're with him, you're with him because you knew the type of man he was. And if that's the case, you already know fully well that you're going to get down and suck.

He's not going to praise you. You're doing what you're supposed to do for him, and so what if you're good at it? Everything he has is supposed to be the best—including you, and anything you provide to him. When you take every inch of Madara without complaint, he's going to thrust his last into you, and kiss you good night from behind. There is your "thanks."

When he wakes up stiff and agitated, it's hardly ever a sex dream and almost always a violent dream. He fights constantly, even when he is supposed to be resting. Aggressive morning romps with Madara is not uncommon.

Bondage KING. The ultimate form of submission in Madara's mind comes in the form of rope suspension. He doesn't even impose painful sensations, he just teases and observes. Greater than vows exchanged at an altar, is a hogtied and suspended pose. A partner that would allow him to do that, he considers loyal and obedient and nothing gets his dick harder than those two adjectives.

[philosophicalparadox]

Interesting Kisame Notes:

Some of these I think are common knowledge in the fandom at this point, but in case they haven’t reached some ears yet I’ll list them anyway.

His characterization is totally different in Japanese vs English dub, partly because his English VA typically voices utter meat-heads and given that Kisame looks like he would be, I guess it fits…buuuuuut it really doesn’t lol. In English, Kisame is very blunt and sounds pretty aggressive; but in Japanese he’s almost the total opposite:

The register of Japanese that Kisame speaks is called Keigo, which is very old and integral to the dialect spoken predominantly in Kyoto. It’s extremely formal — the nearest English equivalent dialect/register I can think of would be an amalgam of 1860’s Victorian High London English. Which is about the right time period, actually, that keigo sorta “belongs” to. (Meiji Era). I could go on trying to explain it, but the gyst is that Kisame is very formal and sometimes a little rude — there is, in fact, a register in Keigo that allows you to be both simultaneously— but he’s also meek. He’s non-committal and generally soft-spoken, even though he’s got an impressive and commanding presence. He doesn’t exactly minimise himself in a physical space or manner, but he definitely comes across like he’s trying not to “be the big baddie”, contrary to his English VA. He also refers to Itachi as -san even though by all rights he ought to use -kun, given that Itachi is 11 years his junior, which is a much loftier raise in respectful position than it would seem (all the moreso because Itachi is a little shit to him at first lol).

Kisame likes to fight, BUT he likes to fight fair. I have many disagreements with the Wiki, but this is probably my biggest gripe about Kisame on there. He’s demonstrably an honorable person, when he can afford to be. Kisame does taunt his opponents occasionally, but it’s never really anything more, and it’s clearly more for fun than for goading. He never outright insults them, though, not even when they’re very clearly outmatched, and he is curiously fond of complimenting his opponents, again even when outmatched. He’s also quite patient, albeit not as much as Itachi, but that I think comes down to their fighting styles more than anything. Itachi prefers a defensive approach, aiming to disarm, whereas Kisame has a much more smash-n-grab approach, wearing his opponent down in a contest of stamina and brute force. (Truly, these two are terrifying when you consider what they’re capable of when coordinating together.) either way, Kisame reminds me of an old Samurai in some ways, in that he follows a code, although maybe it’s one only he knows, and he sticks to it.

Kisame is very probably based on a Youkai called either the Koujin or more often Samebito. Or at the very least the Hoshigaki clan is likely inspired by the myth. Samebito are shark merfolk, essentially, and look pretty terrifying, but they’re actually quite benevolent to benign towards humans. In their mythology they specialize in making textiles of a special silk that’s entirely waterproof and very tough. They’re also, being water Youkai, very sensitive and often emotional creatures, which like some other youkai, cry tears that can crystallize into precious stones. (Water is the element of emotion). There’s a particularly famous story about one, which I won’t get into here — but the ways in which the myth reflects the man are such: Samebito are incredibly loyal to people that help them, and will literally hurt themselves or even kill themselves to help a friend or ally. They also have an honor system, one which prioritizes hospitality and fairness. They may not necessarily go out of their way to help a random human, but they’ll save people from drowning and if you do right by them, they’ll be sure to return the favor.

Kisame and Jiraiya are almost the same height. (Kisame 195cm or 6’4 3/4”, usually rounded up to 6’5” in the data books, Jiraiya is 191cm, about 6’3”) . They both are some of the tallest characters in manga canon, followed by Gai at 184cm, 6’0”.

Something that frequently goes unmentioned is that being one of the 7 swordsmen is more than just a title in Kiri, it awards you a special government role. What exactly that role is, is a bit up in the air, but we know that the swordsmen commanded units, and could command ANBU if they saw fit to. It’s also implied that there’s desk work and other managerial responsibilities associated with the position, which makes sense if we’re going the military commander route. Now obviously some of them were total whack jobs, but the fact nobody except arguably Mangetsu really liked Kisame, (we don’t know about Zabuza, but Kisame’s reaction implies they minded their own business when it came to the other) it’s interesting to think about how exactly that came to be. Cause Mr. Lightning Boy (I do not remember his name) that turns up in part 1 anime is not the sort I envision doing diligent paperwork or anything like proper commanding lol. I know I’m solidly in HC territory here, but I can envision Kisame actually trying to do his job as it says on the tin and every other swordsman looking at him like he’s nuts for sticking to his principles instead of buying into the corruption lol.

In other HC territory that is sort of canon-ish but I guess got retconned for plot or something: Kisame has a PHENOMENAL sense of smell. He’s a very good tracking nin. He’s a sensing type, with added sharky benefits. (Sharks can sense electrical activity in the muscles of prey, so I imagine Kisame is Extra perceptive.) Ergo, it has not ever once made sense to me that he’d of been genuinely surprised by the Tobi/Madara reveal. Unfortunately the tone he uses in Japanese is extremely neutral, so it’s (possibly deliberately) hard to read into. Is he being sarcastic? I’d like to think so, given what canon presents us with, but this is Kishimoto we are talking about lol. In case it’s not clear, I find it Highly doubtful that Obito could have completely changed his scent AND chakra signature beyond recognition, and the fact Itachi knows he’s playing pretend sort of leans into Kisame being aware of it, because I doubt Itachi could really keep his own skepticism under that tight of lock and key. Not around Kisame.

Alrighty, it’s 5am and I need to sleep 🤣 so take this as ye will for now

[snuggleboots]

₊˚♡˚₊ The Akatsuki, communicating their love ₊˚♡˚₊

₊˚♡˚₊ feat. Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan ₊˚♡˚₊

Tags: Fluff, mishmash of random headcanons, general cutesy relationship stuff.

♡ Kisame communicates his love in various ways, but it's always most sincere in the little things he does. If you're both walking up a flight of stairs, he'll always walk behind, just so he can steal a kiss without having to lean down a bit to reach you. Usually, he'll follow that up with a stupid little, 'How's it feel to be the tall one for once?'

♡ He's a man who likes to sleep in, but when you're sleeping with him, it's his god-given duty to wake you up with some combination of stupid, sleepy shenanigans. It typically starts with some needlessly aggressive cuddling while he's waking up, which becomes a smattering of kisses and little nips dealt wherever he can reach, and eventually develops into... either cackling over your groggy irritation or moving into a little extra lovin', if you feel up to it.

♡ Cuteness aggression is a real thing, and it's his curse. If your tongue pokes out just a little bit when you're thinking hard or focused on something, if you flex your toes like a little cat when you stretch, or purse your lips when you're frustrated - he's gonna bite you. Always does. He can't help it, he gets the impulse to squish you, bite you, pinch, or bully you a little bit when you're minding your business, doing things that he finds objectively precious. You make his teeth itch when he catches you off guard, and you flash him those big eyes, and- UGH.

♡ Now, he isn't the perfect listener by any means, but Kisame is very attentive when tiffs happen in the relationship. He listens with the full intention to learn and solve the problem, and if things get a bit heated he'll calm himself down and ask you to back up and explain why you're upset. He doesn't make a habit of taking himself too seriously, which really helps him navigate rough patches well.

♡ Your personal space is his preferred space. You're stretched out, reading a book or resting your eyes? It doesn't matter where you're hanging out, that's still just as good as an invitation in his books. When he saunters on over and nonchalantly plonks his entire body weight on top of you, he doesn't even have the courtesy to say sorry for the disturbance. Nope, he's on a mission, hooking his arms around your waist and just burying his face in your belly. You're warm, you smell so nice, and he's livin' large on cloud nine, which means you're stuck there until he's decided he's had his fill for a bit.

♡ Itachi's a man with simple wants and simple displays of love. If your days are busy and he's tucking into bed before you are, he'll cosy up on your side to keep it warm until you're ready to join him for the night. It's a little silly, a little cute, watching a man like him streeeetch right out when you meander into the bedroom, and unceremoniously shimmy back over to his side before settling in and promptly passing out. That is, however, a quiet little token of his affection.

♡ He's perceptive about things you don't enjoy doing, and especially things you tend to stress about. Without so much as mentioning it, he'll tend to the little things like that just to take them off your plate. If you're sick or in pain, Itachi is more than content to take care of you. Sorry, it's a small facet of who he is, to tend to the very few people he cares about. The man also cooks, and pretty damned well at that. His breakfasts are a cure-all when you're feeling like absolute garbage.

♡ There is such a thing as an 'Uchiha pout', and he weaponizes it for petty reasons and to ridiculous extents. He isn't always just some stone-faced caricature of a stoic, and it's brilliantly displayed when you deny his simple requests, such as relaxing after a long day, curled up on the couch with him when he's having a low-energy, no spoons left kind of day.

♡ Yes, he wants to settle his weight into your side and just be - or better yet, rest his head on your shoulder and soak up some easy, effortless affection until he's feeling a bit better. (Please card your fingers through his hair, he won't nod off again, really-) If you really have the audacity to say no - and he will call it that - you're going to see him purse his lips, pinch his brows and angle his face away from you like some kind of disappointed housecat. 'You make me lonely', he'll halfheartedly mumble, because it's a guilt trip that works and he's fully aware of that fact. No, he does not feel bad about it, either.

♡ Kakuzu's 'love language' exists in subtle acts of service and physical touch, generally shared in private. No, he's not going to say he loves you, but he can show you that your presence doesn't irritate the part of his brain that makes him want to shove his fist through someone's skull.

♡ When the seasons turn and you inevitably wind up freezing cold every goddamn night, he's content to settle beside you on the couch and tuck your chilly feet under his leg while he unwinds with a good book. There's no need to fill the silence, just let it be and enjoy the moment. You're cosy, he's relatively happy, and for all intents and purposes, you two are set to have a wonderful, quiet night.

♡ And since Kakuzu's a habitual early riser, you're typically still snoring long after he's up and ready for the day. When it's time for him to get up and get dressed, he'll flop his blanket - because he sure as hell doesn't share one - over your head before he turns on the light to get dressed. When he's done and the light's out he'll pull it down and be on his way without having disturbed your sleep.

♡ On the odd time that you're waking up with him, he'll slip by while you're getting dressed and steal a kiss to your shoulder.

♡ When his nail polish is chipped and it's time to reapply, he'll let you do it. For one, it's less for him to do, but! It's also a little token of trust on his part to toss you the polish, plop his hand in your lap, and grumble something like, 'Don't paint my damn fingers this time'. You probably still manage to flood his cuticles, which he will grumble about, but it's the thought that counts.

♡ Hidan's love can sometimes be compared to that of a fat, obnoxious housecat. If he's off-duty when you're trying to enjoy some free time, he is firmly wedged up your ass because he likes attention and you actually listen to him when he talks about... whatever's bouncing around in his head.

♡ Lounging on the couch when he's just coming in from a month on the road? Haha, sucks to be you actually, because he's instantly ripping through the living room at terminal velocity, with full intentions of divebombing your sorry ass before you have the chance to scramble up and evade him. You're still wheezing from impact, and this guy's already launching into a tirade about every little gripe he's had about his mission. 'Kakuzu was a dick, the ration bars taste like shit, the coil broke on my scythe and, and, and...'

♡ Hidan loves a good late-night hangout, so he's usually around to burn time with you when you can't sleep. Even when you don't feel like talking, he always fills the silence himself by chatting your ear off about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it's just life stuff, other times it's his interests - and often, he'll animorph into a used cars salesman for Jashinism. You expect it, he loves that you actually listen and engage with him.

♡ 'You only get to die if you lived, no matter how great or shitty your life was, get it? Seeing the end is a privilege', he'll mutter into the lip of a half-full mug. When you're tired at the table, jolting upright after accidentally dozing off for the fifth time during his proselytizing, Hidan will slide you a cup of something that'll keep you fucking wired for the night. It's not to be a dick, obviously, but you're listening! And this is important shit! 'Diseased, crippled, or fuckin'... broke; at the end of the day, you're alive, and your pain's recognised by Lord Jashin. Suffering is a gift imparted, that only the living receive, and...' something something Jashin is great, and you should probably definitely convert.

♡ He's claimed half of your bed, and sleeping with him fucking sucks. He sleeps like a starfish and steals the blankets, and you're not waking him up unless you feel like investing some serious effort into doing so. He snores, and on the nights that he winds up sleeping half on top of you, you have to deal with the fact that he drools like a dog and sleeps with his mouth hanging open. You don't wanna deal with that? Tough shit, you're comfy, and somehow your bed is just waaaaay better than his. Okay? Okay.

[theheirofthesharingan]

Are there any silly or interesting Itachi/Sasuke/other character headcanons you've always wanted to share?

Some of these will be Modern-AUish, some canon compliant, and some Akatsuki AU.

Whenever Sasuke sees something that's interesting to (only) him as a child he rushes to Itachi to share it. Itachi is his go-to person whenever he wants to share something. Itachi sometimes lets Sasuke's excitement slide because he's too busy/too tired, and little Sasuke is infuriated. He expresses his fury in form of stomping his feet, walking around the house with a pout. He keeps yelling in front of Itachi's room that no one loves him and genuinely looks sad. No one understands why Sasuke is acting so weird until Itachi picks on it and gives Sasuke some treat. It's super easy to please him.

Itachi is a bad cook. Sasuke is even worse. That's why whenever their parents aren't home, Itachi cooks and Sasuke waits instead of helping him. One time when Sasuke "helped", it almost invited disaster. Itachi swore to never let Sasuke in since then. Sasuke is super salty because what he did at 12 shouldn't be held against him, right? Itachi won't listen. Their parents have no idea about it. So, whenever Itachi cooks something in his millionth attempt, certain that he made the dish perfect, Sasuke always shoots him down with "I've had better". Though later at night he sneaks into the kitchen to finish the rest, because why not.

Sasuke likes to hang out with Madara, but he's always been scared of the old man. Sasuke says he looks good only when he's not speaking or smiling. He always hides behind Itachi whenever Madara is visiting them. Itachi often uses it against Sasuke when he won't let him finish his work. "Go to sleep, Sasuke, or Madara uncle will come." It's an inside joke and Madara is definitely not pleased because he loves kids. He doesn't want to be the bad guy in Sasuke's eyes.

Both the brothers love to go on long cycle rides, especially in summers.

Naruto and Sasuke have a lot of sleepovers. Whenever Sasuke has to go to Naruto's house, Itachi drops him there. And when Naruto has to come to Sasuke's house, they want Itachi to tell them horror stories. Not overly keen on scaring them both, he tries to evade, but Naruto wouldn't listen. To set the mood, all the lights are kept off, and as soon as Itachi starts, Naruto hides himself in covers, and Sasuke rolls his eyes. Although later at night neither Naruto nor Sasuke want to go out alone to pee. Sasuke is just as scared as Naruto. He just doesn't want to show.

Minato and Kushina love both the brothers. Because of them their families are super close as well. Occasionally, Minato would take all the three kids to some other city/fun place, and come home super exhausted, because Naruto and Sasuke are a menace.

When they're kids, and Mikoto and Fugaku have to leave for a few hours, Kakashi and Yamato have to babysit them. Kakashi hates it because he'd rather be reading his books, but Yamato loves spending time with them. He loves to spoil both the kids. Sasuke just ends up pulling Yamato's hair and also tries to pull Kakashi's mask. But he can't.

Itachi has a Danzo plushie, decorated with red marks and is beaten down badly as if Itachi likes to punch it every time he's mad. Mikoto is horrified because since when her sweet child become this violent. Fugaku gives Itachi a treat when he learns this. Sasuke just likes to pull Danzo plushie's ears because they're fun to him.

Sasuke hates Shisui and Izumi at home. They steal the time he can spend with his nii-san. But when Itachi is not home, Shisui takes Sasuke with him and they train and Shisui deliberately loses his matches. Sasuke tells everything to Itachi with glee that he defeated Shisui when they trained together. Sasuke grudgingly admits to himself only that he likes spending time with Shisui too, but he won't ever feed Shisui's ego, because his nii-san is still the best.

Kisame is another person Sasuke is scared of. But he gets to like him. If anything, if ever Sasuke is mad at his brother, Kisame sides with Sasuke, and tells his brother how terrible of a big brother Itachi is. One day, Sasuke spent exactly 30 minutes complaining about Itachi to Kisame. And obviously, Kisame lectured Itachi that evening.

Being Itachi's little brother, Sasuke is the unofficial member of the Akatsuki. He has his own tiny Akatsuki robe. He doesn't understand why he doesn't get "dangerous" missions like his brother does. They tell him he's the most important person in the Akatsuki, so he must get special treatment. They keep all the gory shit out of his knowledge.

Sasuke really, really dislikes Kakuzu. He also finds Hidan weird. He wants to protect his brother from Deidara because Deidara just seems like he's obsessed with his brother. Itachi must be protected from him.

The people Sasuke loves in the Akatsuki after his brother are Konan and Sasori. Sasori makes puppets/toys for him (without all the blood and stuff) and gifts them to Sasuke. Konan is like a mom to him. In Itachi's absence she takes care of Sasuke.

[not-so-terrible]

So Kisame's often considered the fourth most powerful Akatsuki member, but the top three are pretty unanimously Obito, Pain and Itachi. And with Kisame's motto being survival of the fittest and MO being taking out the weakest links, it’s fascinating to see him end up as one of the most well connected members of the Akatsuki. And since the top three never openly get to clash, technically speaking, he stays loyal to all of them. He's; 

- Working broadly for Pain, Akatsuki's open leader, who wants to create peace through traumatising the world through a cycle of war

- Working secretly for Obito, Akatsuki's real leader (and by proxy, Madara and Zetsu, Akatsuki's real-real leaders), who wants to create peace through trapping the world in a dream realm

- Working day-to-day for/with Itachi, the Akatsuki's biggest name, most powerful field member, and a secret double agent, who wants to create peace through becoming the most powerful shinobi that's ever lived,  and through using that power 'as much as he wants', 'lead the world to subjugation'

So either Kisame is the ninja equivalent of the minions, or the dojutsu wielding top three of the Akatsuki all looked to him and went 'yup, he's Henchman Shaped'

[effeminateboyninja]

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akatsuki music hcs

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

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I can’t listen to a song without making it about characters so here’s some headcanons for what kind of music each of the Akatsuki characters would like/listen to

more here:

konoha 13 | jonin sensei | sand siblings |

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Pain/Nagato - TOOL // Opeth // Nirvana // Swallow the Sun // Daylight Dies // The Foreshadowing // Alice in Chains // Mad Season

Konan - The Cure // Echo & the Bunnymen // Bauhaus // Siouxsie and the Banshees // Timber Timbre // Mitski

Kisame - The Rolling Stones // The Doors // The Animals // Judas Priest // Black Sabbath // Led Zeppelin // Dio // Ghost

Itachi - Radiohead // Manchester Orchestra // Duster // waveform* // sssense // kees. // Beach House

Deidara - 3OH!3 // Cobra Starship // Panic! at the Disco // Mäneskin // Teenage Disaster // Afourteen // Danny Brown // Cxrpse

Sasori - silence // white noise

Hidan - Nine Inch Nails // Korn // Rob Zombie // Orgy // Skinny Puppy // Sister Machine Gun // PIG // Skold

Kakuzu - the steady hum of his money counter

Tobi - Aqua // 100 gecs // Jimmy Buffet // NSYNC // Crazy Frog // the Cats soundtrack // PSY // Kidz Bop Kids

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BONUS: Orochimaru - a notice from the medical malpractice board read aloud // the wet, gurgling, nubile sounds of a lab engineered fetus taking it’s first breaths (1hr loop) // Slayyyter

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[couldtransitionsaveher]

KISAME HOSHIGAKI from NARUTO

JUSTIFICATION:

"Fiercely loyal to her nation, she killed her teammates to prevent info being spread, which she later came to regret. After finding out her mentor was directly selling secrets of her nation, she killed him, and fully believed the world was full of liars. Eventually joined a criminal organization called the Akatsuki under the guidance of a certain Madara, was extremely close friends with Itachi Uchiha, and became so loyal again that she killed herself to prevent spreading info. She views herself as worthless and horrible for her crimes and regrets it in the end." - @araccoonthatlikesmurder

Reminder: Submissions are always open! Submit here!

Did you make your daily click today?

[autismbedamnedmyboycanworkagrill]

Bet you Itachi is like a disney princess whrn around animals. Like, sure, he's an s-rank rogue ninja, but the animals absolutely love him.

This also goes for shark men.

[tsuki-no-yomi-project]

Modern AU Headcanon ft Mitsuki, Itachi & Kisame: Gruesome Non-Sense Horror Movie

ft. Me too, the Author, yes i forcefully self inserted myself into the situation because i'm the source. Also, maybe, minor DNI? Slight mention on mutilation and gore :x

Following the chapter when Mitsuki had Itachi watch cheesy romance movie and saw his reaction..

So even before that I had this discussion with my friend. Might be TLDR so you can skip ahead past the picture~

----

I was watching a Thailand horror series, during work, so I don't get sleepy (don't question me).

Then came one episode.

It was about a cult drugging people to turn them into a member of their crazy cult. Then a female teacher got involved to help a student but ended up being targeted by the bad guy and his mother.

Well, the context was not important, but..

It ended up with the teacher getting drugged but still (reasonably) sane, and tricked the perverted bad guy who then forgot that the woman was STILL HOLDING A KNIFE

She chopped his *bleeeep* off.

And threw it out the window.

Unto the guy's mother's hand, accidentally.

Then the mother (still high) saw it and went "EEEEEEWW" (in a very asian aunty voice iykwim) and threw the dong away off the railing.

And the son is like "MA WHY YOU THREW IT AWAY!?!?!?"

And the mom is like " OOPS I'm sorry son I'll get you a new one" I.. BURSTED LAUGHING (SINISTERLY, let me tell you it wasn't cute at all) and continuously laugh as I tell everyone about it. Then my friend pointed out that it was "amazing" that I watch horror stuff for the sake of keeping self awake and instead LAUGHED about it (not only in this occassion but some other also x'D)

I'M SORRY I THINK SOMETHING IS INDEED WRONG WITH ME (AND MY SENSE OF HUMOR)

---- Then somehow it turned into a discussion of how would Mitsuki react to it as compared to Itachi & Kisame in modern AU

I think like me, Mitsuki who loves thrill and experiencing new things will love horror movie too (for the catharsis against work stress *cough) so she might actually found the situation more funny instead of scary too, but probably she won't laugh maniacally like I did.

Itachi would be horrified in the pointless gore and the weird context (and secretly the dong getting chopped off too)

Kisame would question Mitsuki's (and the author's) sanity and tried to get Itachi to run with him too (before one of the 2 psycho girl decided to try and chop anyone's dongs off for research)

Ok, that's all. Just wanted to share this. K Bye

[princeofuchiha]

I love going through my saved docs every few months bc I get to read stories I forgot existed. Especially fun is guessing what the title could possibly mean considering I never label anything properly. "The three bis and their traumatized little guy" and it's just a fic about the first three hokages trying to do damage control from beyond the grave by becoming psudo dads/teachers to Itachi. Why. Would I label it that. Why did I think I would know what the fuck I was on about.

[evilkitten3]

sasori is the most unhinged about it, konan is the most normal about it, itachi is the most closeted, and kakuzu doesn't care bc he sold all the body parts he wasn't using years before he figured it out anyway

however tragically the correct answer is none of these. it's orochimaru. we all just kind of have to live with that.

[pewpewpew]

My @akatsuki-gift-exchange for @zombie-honeymoon!! I hope you're having a wonderful winter and happy joyful holidays 🫶🏼

hc time based on your extremely evocative prompts:

Kisame is whispering in his ear "You're covered in blood", "Why are you hiding this from me", "This needs stitches", "Let me take care of you", while Hidan is squirming trying not to show vulnerability and having a hard time accepting help but in the end succumbing they're totally gonna kiss after 💖

i hope you like it!!! smooch

[theheirofthesharingan]

My little hc is that when Itachi and Kisame would go to other villages where they weren’t considered missing-nin, Kisame would go to a bar and get drinks. Itachi doesn’t drink because he’s underage and he doesn’t like being drunk but Kisame tries nevertheless with the : “you killed your entire clan and you refuse to do anything illegal after that?!” Itachi would ignore him and leave and wait outside.

Idk. After itachi turns 21, I think he would be the kind of person who never drinks but also doesn’t get drunk very easily (like you can’t tell if he’s drunk or not because he just acts the same). He’s just generally polite and would just refuse any drink offered to him because he doesn’t want to forget lol

I just wanted to share with someone. It’s fine if you don’t respond to this but thank you for reading :)).

I agree. Itachi doesn't drink. And he has a good control over his emotions, so despite drinking he's not letting it get into his head. Kisame often grumbles and rolls his eyes because he likes to have fun occasionally and Itachi is always so serious. Itachi gets on his nerves sometimes because he refuses to indulge in anything that could make him feel better. Although, Itachi ends up drinking sometimes when he's trying to forget the worse days of his life. And he gets drunk a lot at that time, not remembering a single thing he did or said the night before.

[suika-suigetsu]

Do you have any Kisame/Suigetsu headcanons 👀?

I love my sharky boys 🦈💦🗡️

Hehe, I love my headcannons of them. 🤭

We have little to base ourselves on, but I gathered here the few interactions/mentions about their relationship so we can work with this.

Before I get into the headcannons, I'd like to mention a few cute things I noticed in these pages.

First, the extra information we have about Mangetsu: Suigetsu really respects his brother. You see that he refers to himself as "Hōzuki Mangetsu's younger brother", as if that were an important position. You'd hardly see Sasuke referring to himself as "Uchiha Itachi's younger brother", not out of disrespect for him, but I don't think Sasuke thinks being Itachi's brother is something important to mention. Also because Suigetsu was very young when Kisame saw him last time, of course, Kisame must remember Mangetsu more who worked/fought alongside him.

We also have some information about his personality. Mangetsu seems to be more cool-headed and respectful towards his superiors, and my hc is that this is due to the fact that he had more time with his parents alive than Suigetsu did. Of course he still must have had a funny personality like Suigetsu, but unlike his younger brother, he became serious when the situation called for it, and didn't suddenly attack his seniors like crazy Suigetsu does, hehe.

And then, the headcannons.

Kisame's impression upon seeing Suigetsu for the first time: Kisame liked Suigetsu instantly. You see how he calls Suigetsu "cute" after making it clear that he saw him, at just 5 years old, cut his enemies to pieces with a smile on his face. At that time, Kiri must have been known for its strict ninja education with children, forcing them to become emotionless soldiers from an early age... Even so, it must have been rare to see a child who not only became a butcher fighter at such a young age, but seemed to enjoy it. Kisame must have found him to be an extremely entertaining boy and saw potential in his future.

Suigetsu was constantly trying to steal Kisame's sword: I have this really cute drawing that I plan to finish one day, where little Suigetsu tries to grab Samehada whenever Kisame is distracted, haha. Imagine, Kisame is a big man, suddenly he feels a weight on his back and there's a 5-year-old boy grabbing his sword, trying to take it from him with his little strength. Or even when Kisame was sleeping. It must be really cute Suigetsu thinking he could do that.

I thought I would have more HCs... But the others I have would only be possible in an AU. 😭😭😭

That's what happens when we have so little information... Anyway, this year I should release a cute comic series that brings ItaKisame and SuiKarin together. I hope you ship it, if so, you must like it. Kisame will be a cute uncle and will have a lot of interactions with the Hōzuki brothers. 💓💓

[nardo-headcanons]

Yandere Deidara and Kisame HCs? 👀 Maybe also how they react if someone is pestering their darling in front of them?

a/n: this took me a while lol. Here's a little warning in beforehand that these behaviors are pretty toxic IRL and should only be enjoyed in the realm of fiction! TW for toxic/abusive/possessive behavior, mention of murder

Yandere!Deidara Headcanons

I can see Deidara becoming a yandere for his darling out of a sense of entitlement. Being related to the Tsuchikage family has its perks; he was spoiled rotten as a kid.

His darling is his, and his alone, simply because of the fact he can have them. Bonus points if you show interest in his artistic endeavors.

But do not be mistaken. Despite his motivations not being as deep and psychological as others, it doesn't make him less persistent and protective.

He has had access to the earth country's best education and knows about complex physics, chemistry and pyrotechnics. As someone who develops and detonates bombs for a living, he knows how to defuse (hehe) situations like these.

He's pretty chill at first, though if the pestering gets more and more annoying, he will casually evelop the asshole daring to pester you in a kibaku nendo caterpillar and threaten to blow it up if they don't leave you alone.

Yandere!Kisame Headcanons

After being seen (and treated as) a monster by everyone around him, having you treat him with the basic human decency and respect is enough to make him swoon over his darling.

Fiercely protective, he would gut anyone and everyone alive who would even dare to put his beloved darling in danger.

Kisame would never force himself on you and instead treats you with the same affection and love he gets (and hopes to continue getting) from you. Despite his reputation as a brutal fighter, you only get to see his gentleman, polite side.

When he sees his darling getting pestered by some hooligan, he would watch from afar at first, letting you deal with the situation.

Upon the realization that you're in need of assistence, he will swoop right in, gently asking you to turn away and close your eyes so you won't have to witness what he is about to do.

Once you have turned away, he starts outright massacring the aggressor(s) until they are left as a bloody pulp to be fed to his sharks.

[uchihaxitachi]

Random Itachi HCs that give me life:

Coffee maniac - would rather chug down espressos on espressos than ever touch alcohol. However, recently he discovered that Matcha exists and he's become that aesthetic Matcha-loving dude. Still, when he wants to enjoy things, he would make himself a disgustingly sweetened frappe and sip it while thinking about 'things'.

He loves to think> but sometimes he gets exhausted because of the constant strain of thoughts enveloping his head so he discovers meditation. Itachi's mind is always a series of, "okay, now what?" ever since he was a kid because he wants his achievements to define him. (Typical achievement validation whore this dude is)

Probably has an inkling of rings and bracelets, which he wears when he's not wearing his Akatsuki robe. He hates it when his nails are not painted so, he sits and paints them every other day to make sure nothing's chipped TwT my cutie <3

He has engraved his Akatsuki ring like a locket that opens, and there is a tiny, tiny photograph of his family. Whenever there are sad Itachi hours, he just smiles and looks at them adoringly.

He remembers Sasuke's birthdays and has cut Sasuke's birthday cake like an old sap all by himself. Sasuke's dinosaur is the only thing that is sitting in front of him when he wishes his little brother a very happy birthday. Secretly wishes he could become stronger sooner so Itachi could at least, see him in person again.

Itachi knows he's beautiful, missions require traveling and sometimes due to Kisame's abnormal appearances; Itachi had to turn on his manipulative boy-charm switch to let them both stay in the inns late at night. Kisame hated it and has resolved to pay extra instead XDD whenever that happens.

Itachi cuts his own hair, I think sometimes he wishes to cut them as short as Shisui's hair and maybe has done so, his hair grew back in 2 years max because Uchiha genes= nice hair anyway. That was his own way of saying goodbye to Shisui.

Itachi and nightmares, several times he dreams of the Uchiha massacre not happening, and Fugaku understanding and letting things go. He wakes up and wipes that stray tear from his eyes more often than he wishes.

Itachi has touched himself out of the sheer curiosity of how it feels. I am pretty sure he was le virgin for a long time ;) while he did enjoy how it felt, the overbearing feelings of responsibility and looming things one after another don't let him indulge in self-pleasure.

Itachi has read icha-icha because he wanted to understand Jiraiya. Bad choice. Did he finish every volume though? Yes