#kirk is down so bad for his first officer

[laney-rockin]

"You look well for a man that has been utterly destroyed, Mr. Spock." Kirk (Patterns of Force)

PLEASE- KIRK IS SO UNSERIOUS ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE SEEING. And apparently couldn't resist the temptation to compliment his First Officer. Which is quite on brand for the man.

I'm really nervous on how Patterns of Force is gonna pan out- considering what the Ekonian peoples are modelled after. But as always I am gonna give it a fair shot because my motto for Star Trek has an always will be "fuck around and find out".

It's worked for me thus far.

[glimblshanks]

Oh wow, strange new worlds is actually very badly written

[dira333]

Bonded - part 2

Spock x reader

“How is it?” McCoy asks when you walk into med-bay.

“How is what?” You ask back while crossing the distance towards the replicator, requesting two cups of coffee.

“Having a bond with that green-blooded hobgoblin.”

“It’s been a day, okay?” You quip and hand him one of the cups, “So far we haven’t killed each other.”

McCoy grins at that and takes a sip.

“You acting like you hate him won’t fool me, dear. You’re pretty obvious about your feelings.”

You groan and step aside, hoping that will end the conversation. It doesn’t.

“Date night?” McCoy asks two days later when you step out of your office after having gone through all your paperwork - or more accurately, PADD-work. You rub your lips together self-consciously, aware of the color of the lipstick you rarely use.

“What does it matter?” You ask back, hiding your anxiety behind a cool facade. Not that it works, McCoy sees straight through you.

“Nothing. Have fun.” He grins while saying so and you roll your eyes at him and step out of med-bay.

It doesn’t take you long to realize that date night with Spock usually means the choice between two things: Meditate with him or play chess with him.

You usually opt for chess as it gives you the opportunity to talk while doing so, but you’re rather bad at chess so you’re mostly quiet as you try not to lose too badly.

It takes you two weeks or four date nights until you’re tired of it. But how do you tell him that without offending him?

You don’t want him to realize it by reading your feelings through the bond and keep calm as much as possible until you’re tired of that too and drop in the seat in front of McCoy’s desk with a groan.

“What?”

“How do I tell him that I hate chess?”

“By using your mouth, for example?”

You roll your eyes at him. “I would have done that if it was easy. For someone so intent on nosing around in my matters you could have better advice.”

“You want better advice?” McCoy puts down your PADD and looks at you, “Do you think you two are still bonded because you are a shy wallflower that says yes to everything he likes and does? If he wanted something like that, he could have found plenty of those on Vulcan or elsewhere.”

You stare at him wordlessly for a few seconds before you push yourself out of your seat.

“This must be the worst version of ‘Be yourself!’ I’ve ever heard,” you tell him as you walk out his office.

“I hope so!” He calls after you as you leave.

“You are early,” Spock tells you as you step into his ready room.

“Well yeah,” you say, “I like spending time with you.”

He looks up at you, eyebrow raised in question.

“You have something to say?”

“Yes. I hate chess.”

Spock stops short and you take a breath.

“Well, I don’t exactly hate it, you know, but I’m really bad at it, but I figured we could still talk while playing chess whereas meditating seems just plain impossible to me.”

“What do you propose then?”

“There are so many things to choose from. Watch a movie, listen to music we like, make music even or just, I don’t know, talk like we did that first time. And that’s just the innocent part of my ideas.”

He quirks the left side of his mouth upwards until it positively looks like he’s smiling and you grin back at him.

“I’m open to all of your ideas,” he says and you nod.

“Well, how about you show me what we can do with that bond thing anyway?”

You feel a tingling sensation at the back of your head where the connection rests and close your eyes involuntarily as pictures, sounds and feelings trickle in.

You can see yourself talking on a conference, can hear Spock talk to Captain Kirk how you would be a viable addition to the team and feel his eagerness to talk to you when you first step onto the Enterprise.

Your eyes snap open as you realize what he’s trying to show you and the connection stills.

“I am very interested in what you might have to tell,” Spock tells you softly and gestures towards the couch for you to take a seat.

-months later -

It feels different to date when you’re bonded.

It feels different to be bonded.

You are not just yourself anymore and everytime you say or do or feel something, you are reminded of that.

When Ensign Kreger vomits all over your shoes you can feel Spock’s annoyance pricking you right at the back of your skull. It makes it harder to stay calm.

It also makes it harder to stay friends with Dr. McCoy because you can literarily feel Spock’s feelings whenever the CMO makes you laugh. Not that Spock would acknowledge himself having feelings at all, anyway.

“Stop that,” you tell him one morning as soon as you’ve made it to your quarters after an exhausting Gamma shift. You’re sprawled out on the bed and Spock is standing in the doorway, face passive, but annoyance ringing loud and clear through your bond.

“I merely wish you would take better care of yourself,” he states and you grunt.

“Liar.”

“Vulcans do not lie,” Spock claims and steps forward to pull your shoes from your feet.

“But you keep information to yourself. You are annoyed by the fact that I’ve managed to have fun with Dr. McCoy.”

He stops what he’s doing and it’s getting harder for you to stay awake.

“That is true,” he finally confesses, “I admit that the logic of your friendship with the CMO appeals to me in a way I do not particularly like.”

“What?” You turn your head to look at him. “What logic?”

“Doctor McCoy has similar interests, a similar sense of humor and he is fully human. You fit together.”

You snort. “But he does not make my heart jump whenever I see him. Something you should know because we are bondmates.”

“That is a feeling and therefore purely illogical.”

“Illogical or not, I love you.” You tell him, your tongue made loose by exhaustion.

He leans forward to press his lips to your temple.

“I love you too,” he mumbles softly against your skin as you slowly but surely lose your fight and fall asleep.

A relationship is always hard work.

Sure, the bond helps you understand what the other is feeling and it makes many things easier, but not all.

The bond intensifies feelings, the positive ones and the negative ones as well.

You feel twice as happy when you’re happy with Spock, but you also feel twice as angry when he’s angry with you. Or when you’re angry with him. The lines blur until the source of the feelings are no longer clear.

“You could just tell me what she’s telling you,” You snap as you pull out a new uniform from your cupboard.

“I did. She informed me about the progress of the new vaccine.”

“And why did she giggle then?” You throw him a look, annoyance coursing through you, “Don’t tell me vaccines have turned into some new joke nowadays. Or is it just the French way to look serious?”

“Are you jealous?” He asks back, too calm for your liking, “Of Dr. Lefebvre?”

“She never talks to me, okay?” You tell him, huffing out in anger, “And when she does she speaks French which she knows I don’t understand and now she’s talking to my boyfriend, all giggly and smiley and I’m sorry if that makes me feel anxious, okay?”

“I do not think smiley and giggly are terms that-”

“Spock!” You interrupt him, “I don’t want a grammar lesson! I want you to tell me that no French Doctor could ever take you from me because you don’t like French or something like that.”

You wave your hands in the air, trying to capture what you’re feeling as if Spock didn’t already feel that through the bond.

“Dr. Lefebvre thinks we are married,” he says instead and you gape at him.

“What? Why?”

“Because we are close, we’ve been dating for almost two years. I told her we aren’t and she was giggling because she mentioned something about getting down on one knee and found it amusing that I did not get the reference.”

You lean your head against the door of your cupboard.

“Humans go down on one knee when they propose,” you explain to him and he nods in understanding. “That makes sense. Vulcans sing when they propose. Or hold a speech, whatever feels more natural to them.”

“Do you want to?”

“What? Sing? Hold a speech?”

You smile at him trying to copy your humor and shake your head.

“Get married.”

“Oh… well, we are bonded. In Vulcan terms, we are already engaged.”

You laugh at that and step over to where he’s standing, waiting for you to get ready.

“Take my hand, Spock.” You can feel your heart picking up speed, your brain trying to get you to rethink what you’re doing, but you’re not one to rethink yourself.

“Why?” But Spock is.

“I’m trying to ask you to marry me, so take my damned hand!”

He pulls a face at you but takes your hand and watches you with curious eyes as you go down on one knee. It’s difficult in the uniform you’re wearing, but possible.

“Will you, Spock, do me the honor of becoming my husband as soon as we make it to the next starbase?”

Spock crinkles his nose. “Our next stop is on Delta Vega, which is an ice desert void of any civilization. If you do not want to get wed by the poor man working the starbase, I’d advise waiting for a more suitable place.”

You groan.

“Would you marry me then on the next starbase we are both happy with?”

He sends you a strong feeling of happiness through the bond instead of answering and you laugh and jump up to wrap your arms around him.

“And now, the custom of kissing my fiancé,” you joke with a smile before leaning in.

He meets your lips with his own and you can feel an emotion through the bond, taking over your mind.

It’s happiness in its purest form.

It’s love.

[invisible-brandy]

im gonna re: my own tags from a personal post and talk about spock at the academy utilising their kitchen like an actual person who can cook while most students eat instant noodles and synthesized food (or go out to eat - but that's expensive).

and kirk (who absolutely can not cook for shit at that age yet) smells something delicious and like a cartoon character follows that smell into the kitchen, expecting to find someone who brought in some take out, but instead it's spock quietly talking shit about the cheap pots and pans they have in there. is it illogical to talk to himself? sure. will he still do it? also sure, probably partially in vulcan too because he misses it wants to stay comfortable in his use of it. and for a few minutes jim just stands in the hallway, staring at this vulcan–their only vulcan, in fact, so he knows who he is–and he'd stand there longer admiring spock's beauty if his stomach didn't growl like it's trying to invite itself to dinner and that alerts spock and he's just standing there with a spoon in his hands awkwardly, posture like a question mark and a little red in the cheeks because of the steam from the pots.

of course jim gets to share the meal with him. and THEN amanda sends spock more cooking utensils, because spock of course in his letter (god i think spock would like hand written letters) or on their videochat says that the ones they have in the communal kitchen are trash and "it affected the quality of my meal and my dignity, mother" and amanda gets all perky eared like "your dignity? why, son, do tell me?" "im afraid ive put shame on your family recipe when i shared the meal i cooked with a human from my course."

amanda would absolutely want her baby to make friends through cooking them meals. AND and and

mccoy would also be one of the few people who can actually cook, but he's a terrible night owl, so for a bit they don't cross paths.

then, exam season hits and suddenly jim is in the kitchen at 2 am, sitting on the counter, feet swinging in the air, and he's still trying to convince spock to actually make them a meal (spock is in pajamas because he refuses to stay up too late to study "you're supposed to do during the day time, jim", but he's actually also been lying in bed and reciting material in his head because he is very illogically anxious before their first exam. he's starting to suspect some heart disease bc his heart wont calm down, but its actually just anxiety. kirk tells him that eventually). spock keeps trying to insist on something lighter, just a snack, and then bones comes in and shooes jim away from the counter so he can cook.

and spock and bones could later have joking (but with serious vibes) competitions for who can cook a meal that jim likes best (even going as far as to make the same meal and present it anonymously to jim. jim is both stressed and very happy and well fed) and of course they'd end up hanging out together outside of the communal kitchen too.

bones wouldn't be able to keep jim from perching up on top of kitchen counters or his desk, or really anywhere that he finds comfortable or sometimes even uncomfortable if it's at least a convenient place to sit and flirt with either bones or spock.

spock would get more packages from amanda and somehow they'd all end up going to the post office ("it's not that big of a package to need two humans and a vulcan to carry it, it's only some herbs" "spock, you are clearly yet to understand mothers. there are not gonna be only some herbs") and carrying the surprisingly giant box back under sudden rain. mccoy would either get splashed or just not be dressed for the weather and spock would lend him his jacket and it would be super warm and mccoy who always grows cold would kinda want to hoard it for himself, but he'd feel bad that first time.

not the next time though. they'd go out to the town and jim and bones would be drinking while spock would be trying to figure out if he likes bars or nightlife in general and bones would complain dramatically that he's cold and spock would of course lend him his jacket. spock would never see that jaket again, it's mccoy's now. (both because it's really warm and because it smells like spock)

[calliethetrekkie]

Star Trek TOS S01E19: Arena

Original Thoughts

"Well now I know which episode those screenshots of Kirk fighting lizard men that are clearly guys in uper cheap costumes come from. So Kirk is forced into a battle to the death more or less against a vicious alien species by another alien species of greater power. Man, they’ve had bad luck with the latter thus far. Despite the cheapness making it hard to take seriously, it was cool to see Kirk get to fight full-on against something since episode 3. Shatner kinda overacted a bit with the dialogue, but was fine otherwise in a more action-oriented episode that had Kirk completely on his own with no help available to him. Kirk’s proven to be quick-witted in the past, such as in the previous episode, but he had nothing but wits and a communicator here, and he was awesome! The Gorn are also dangerous but also display intelligence and cunning like how the one came pretty close to killing Kirk and devising a way to trap him. The Enterprise’s helplessness in this situation is also very strong with even Spock unable to do anything but wait it out. A cheap episode for sure, but a good episode regardless."

Rewatch Thoughts

Wow Callie, way to not even pay attention to the moral of the episode, you dummy!

When going back to rewatch this one, I only remembered two things about it: the Gorn and the scene where McCoy tries to hold Spock's hand while they're watching Kirk struggle. The former cause of that legendary costume, the latter cause... well, me taking in every Spones moment that I can. Otherwise? I remembered virtually nothing else. It sucks that I forgot about most of it, but it's also kind of nice cause I got to experience it again, and DEAR GOD this is so much better than I had remembered!

The first part of the episode is great, from Kirk and McCoy being all giggly and cute in the transport room to them finding the base they were going to utterly obliterate. Only one guy was still alive and it was an active blast zone as well that only our three mains, the dying guy, and one Blue shirt survived. We're left wondering WTF happened and Kirk... well, he doesn't take the incident well. He declares it an invasion and goes after the ship of those responsible, fully intending to return the favor.

It was a little scary TBH to see Kirk so... I guess the word that works best is vengeful. I don't think I've ever seen him this willing to kill an enemy before, even in Conscience of the King he kept his cool overall. I guess given the amount of life lost, even compared to say Balance of Terror, it makes sense. It's not OOC either, we've seen Kirk flare up whenever any of his men are killed/threatened (The Man Trap, Balance of Terror, The Corbomite Maneuver to some extent) so what looks like a calculated attack on this level? And when he's the only one in a position to give pursuit? Yeah, Kirk ain't gonna let that go. He's going to find whoever/whatever did this and stop it before such a thing happens again.

This presents a problem, however, that being how irrational Kirk is being. I don't mean that in a bad way either, it's interesting to see this side of Kirk. He's so determined to pursue this enemy, to take them down, that he doesn't care about any possible explanations about why the Gorn did what they did. Spock tries to express that very concern, but it falls on deaf ears and he pretty timidly falls back into place. Spock's very much been willing to question Kirk before, we saw it in Conscience of the King, but in that instance, he had time to go over everything before choosing to confront Kirk and also discuss it with McCoy, who noticeably stays in Sickbay until Jim gets whisked away. Given McCoy's the one who would most likely speak back and try to talk Jim out of it/appeal to him emotionally, keeping him in Sickbay with the traumatized, nearly dead officer and thus unable to be Kirk's soundboard to vent his emotions to had to have been on purpose. That's not to say that Spock is a mindless follower, he isn't by any means. But at least at this stage of ST, I don't think he has the nerve to argue or defy Kirk without being prepared for it or without McCoy or someone else in his corner to back him up. Plus logically, what can he argue against Kirk when he's not gonna listen? He can't. This is why in cases like Conscience of the King and later in Obsession, you need Spock and McCoy both standing up to Kirk: alone they probably couldn't do much, but together? Jim doesn't stand a chance haha.

Even the crew is pretty mortified by Kirk's recklessness and... for lack of a better word, murderousness. Uhura gives him some mega side-eye when he and Spock are talking, and everyone looks mortified when Kirk keeps making them go up to more and more dangerous Warp levels. They don't go against the orders, but it's very clear that they're unsettled. Kirk is very much presented as in the wrong and dangerously reckless for everyone. He doesn't even really give a damn when Uhura tells him that they're being scanned nor questions why the Gorn are coming to a dead stop when entering the mysterious galaxy, only caring that they have the chance to shoot them down. He is laser-focused on shooting down the enemy, and this bites him in the ass hard as the Metrons, unhappy to have this quarrel brought to their end of the universe, forces Kirk and the Gorn Captian to settle the matter... one-on-one.

Kirk is in a bad position, but it's kind of cool to see him under conditions like this. He has no weapons, no way to communicate with he Enterprise, he has nothing but his own wits. He's against a Gorn, who is much stronger and as Kirk finds out, very much intelligent. That's one thing I enjoy about the Gorn, they are brutish and violent, but the Gorn Captian at least isn't stupid. Kirk mistakes the alien translator that the Metrons outright told him that they were giving him to talk directly to the Gorn. In other words, because Kirk didn't pay close enough attention to the Metrons words, he gave away EVERYTHING that he was thinking and doing to the Gorn, who took all of that, and countered. He even set up his own trap and Kirk survived by the skin of his teeth. Ironically the guy in the cheap lizard costume was the one being smart and calculative, while Kirk... well sorry honey, but you're kind of an idiot during most of this. But it's okay, I know it's cause your two brain cells aren't with you.

Speaking of said brain cells, the Spock and McCoy moments during all of this are so good! I mentioned the hand-chasing bit, which is still fantastic and I'll never get over the fact that De Kelley decided that was perfectly IC to do. But even disregarding that, this is a really good one to watch if you wanna see a good example of their relationship when they aren't bickering. You can REALLY tell that McCoy wants to when he gets to the Bridge and presses Spock for answers, but he actually holds it in. Likely due to the time-pressing circumstances, but still. I mean he even turns the Captain chair so Spock can sit in it properly (my hilarious theory is Nimoy somehow missed it when filming so they had to have De holding it so Nimoy wouldn't hurt himself), how anyone can look at them here and think they hate each other I'll never know. I also love how it's when McCoy appeals to the Metrons to let them see Jim that the Metrons decide to show some compassion and comply. It's an early sign to them that humans aren't just savage killers, and it's Leonard 'The Heart' McCoyt hat starts it.

Spock also doesn't even attempt to hide his emotions here, his uncertainly over what to do and how he doesn't know where Jim is, his fear and worry when seeing Kirk near death, his relief when Kirk starts piecing together what to do with the resources around him, and let's not forget earlier where he decided that going after Kirk in an active blast zone was a perfectly logical thing to do. Seriously, this is also a great episode to point to whenever Spock claims he has no emotions cause... yeah sorry Spock, all you've proven is how Vulcans are giant ass liars.

Honestly, this is such a good episode showing how devoted the Enterprise crew is to Kirk. When Kirk instructs Sulu to abandon the landing party if necessary and to protect his ship, Sulu very clearly does NOT want to do it. He knows he has to comply, but if he has the chance to save Kirk and the others, I don't doubt at all that he would do it. Despite the visible shock regarding Kirk's orders and actions, all of the Bridge are horrified and worried when he disappears and when they see how badly he's doing. Poor Uhura looks like she's about to cry I swear. Kirk has his bad moments, but ultimately he's a respected Captain for a reason and Uhura, Scotty, and Sulu especially know that (and Chekov but he ain't around yet). No one wants anything to happen to him and if anyone on that ship could do something to save him, they would. They're so devoted to Kirk, even when they disagree with him, and I love it.

All that said, in the final stretch the Gorn finally speaks and we find out why they obliterated the Base and everyone on it: because Starfleet were the invaders. The space was the Gorn's and Starfleet suddenly setting up a base there scared them and they concludedconclusion that it was an enemy attack waiting to happen. While they certainly jumped the gun... I don't blame the Gorn too much, to be honest. You see these people that look virtually alien to them settling in without any explanation about where they're form or what they intend, what other conclusion is there to make? I don't believe Starfleet was attempting to do anything malicious, at least in this case, but the fact that they just assumed the space was free for the taking... yeah, not one of your better moves guys. Did that justify the Gorn's actions? It's hard to say since they certainly had an understandable reason, but it still caused massive casualties that I think could have been avoided had the two sides just... talked and mediated things. Still, as McCoy points out, Starfleet was the one in the wrong first, and Kirk just about nearly caused even more unnecessary bloodshed because he didn't at all consider why this happened to begin with.

Given that, it makes sense why the Metrons would see us humans as primitive savages (poor Spock getting lumped in there too haha), especially with Kirk's behavior up to that point. It makes his decision to NOT kill the Gorn Captain, despite having blasted him to near death and having the perfect opportunity, all the more impactful. Throughout the episode, it's all he'd wanted to do, to the point of endangering the Enterprise and everyone on it to get the chance. But having now heard the Gorn's reasonings and being able to look at his own actions, he realizes how wrong he was. The Gorn aren't mindless monsters, they were afraid and were trying to protect themselves from what they saw as invaders, and it was a matter that Starfleet provoked first. He even refuses the Metrons offer to kill the Gorn and instead wants to properly mediate things over. It convinces the Metrons that there's hope for humanity before returning Kirk back to the ship safe and sound.

Given recent times, the moral honestly this a lot harder. The Gorn were motivated by fear, Kirk was motivated by vengeance, and had it kept going I could easily see things escalating into full-blown war. Ultimately though, Kirk decides to be the better man and not continue it. He's seen the destruction that the Gornc caused and likely people he knew got killed, he fought the Gorn Captian face-to-face and both of them were fighting to the death, and acted irrationally all throughout the episode. But Kirk learned and chose the diplomatic route instead. I wish that it were that simple, to realize all sides feelings and decide that there's been enough hatred, fear, and vengeance by everyone. I wish that more leaders chose to communicate and mediate things out, which si certainly more difficult than it sounds but it's still a better option than war and death. TOS is outdated in so many ways, but is also still incredibly relevant in others and I think that this is very much one of those kinds of episodes. It certainly hit me a LOT harder this time around than it did the first time.

This episode is so freakin' good. A great plot with a very well-handled message, great character moments for both our main trio and the Bridge crew, and very well-executed tension. I knew full well how this whole thing ended and I was still worried about if Kirk would make it out, that's how well this episode does in immersing you in it. Even Shatner's over-acting, which tbh wasn't even as over the top as I made it sound in the first viewing, didn't phase me. Also that Gorn suit is perfection and it needs to stay the Gorn's default look, I don't make the rules! I thoroughly enjoyed this one... and hopefully, the memory of it helps me survive the next episode, The Alternative Factor, cause if it's like I remember... yeah I'm not gonna be feeling much joy after it. But that's for then, for now? Arena is great~!

Original Rating: 4/5 Rewarch Rating: 9/10

[My TOS Reviews]

[TOS S1 Reviews]

[captainsophiestark]

Irregular Heartbeat

Bones McCoy x Reader

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Written for Fictober, and for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Star Trek

Day Eighteen Prompt: "You always have a plan."

Summary: Bones's SO has a Valentine's Day surprise planned for him that's fit for the CMO of the Enterprise.

Word Count: 1,295

Category: Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Jim!"

My best friend, Jim Kirk, whirled around at the sound of my voice, one eyebrow raised. He was incredibly used to me and my shenanigans, so he didn't even look phased as I charged towards him while he waited for the machine to fill his cup with caf.

"I need you to distract Bones for, like, half an hour. Preferably today. And within the next hour," I said, only slightly breathless as I reached him.

"So... you want me to go distract Bones as soon as I get my caf?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Jim grinned at me. "You know I'm in. But care to tell me why?"

"I've got a Valentine's Day suprirse I want to put together for him. It's the first time we've been a couple for the holiday, and I want to do something special."

"And I take it you already have a plan?" I gave Jim a withering look and he just laughed. "Of course. You always have a plan."

"Damn right I do. Now come on, take that caf to go and get out of here. I've got things to do today."

"Alright, alright, I'm going. But next time you pull me away from a rare break to help you with something, it better be for a prank. Not a date."

I grinned. "I think I can commit to that deal."

Jim smirked back at me, then raised his cup of caf in mock salute as he strode out of the cafeteria, off to distract Bones. I paused, letting him get a little bit ahead of me so there was no chance of running into him or my boyfriend on their way out of medical, then quickly made my way through the familiar hallways of the Enterprise.

Luckily for me, when I made it to sickbay (after one brief stop in my quarters), it was almost completely empty. Jim must've been doing as I'd asked in getting Bones out of here, and now, I had exactly the window I needed to pull off my Valentine's Day surprise.

I made my way to one of the heart rate monitors and popped open the back panel, then got to work breaking it the way I wanted to break it. Althought Starfleet Engineering hadn't covered exactly this kind of change to equipment on a starship, it had been a thorough enough course that I had the skills regardless.

Once I finished, I tested my handiwork, then grinned and made everything look like it had before I'd showed up. Finally, I snuck the bouquet of fresh roses I'd managed to secure on our last shore leave out of my bag, tucking them behind the pillows of the bed. I paused to take one last look at my setup, then took off out of sickbay with a grin. Not a moment later, I heard Jim's voice echoing loudly down the corridor, clearly trying to give me a heads up about his return with Bones.

I hid around the corner while Bones and Jim said their goodbyes, then waited for Jim's footsteps to fade in the opposite direction before turning the corner and reentering sickbay.

"Hey," I said, a small smile on my face as I found Bones just outside his office. "Happy Valentine's Day."

He'd had a slight frown on his face when he'd first turned around, but it dissolved the moment he saw me.

"Hey yourself. Happy Valentine's Day." He took a few steps closer to me, a faint smile growing on his face as he approached. "What brings you in? I wasn't expecting to get to see you until tonight."

"Actually... I'm feeling a little rough. I was hoping you could check me out."

Bones narrowed his eyes. "...Is this a bad pickup line?"

"What? No!"

He held up his hands in surrender, then gently stepped forward and took my elbow.

"Alright. Valentine's Day and all, I had to check. Let's get you on a bed."

"And you're talking to me about bad pickup lines?"

Bones snorted, and I grinned. I didn't wait for him to direct me to a bed, and instead I headed straight for the one I'd just finished modifying. Bones didn't even bat an eye at my decision, instead following me over and carefully getting me hooked up to the various monitoring machines.

"Do you want to tell me about your symptoms?" he asked as he worked. I sighed.

"I don't know, I just haven't been feeling well. A little lighthearted, a little fluttering in my chest."

I expected Bones to make another bad pickup line comment, but clearly, he'd switched into doctor mode. He just hummed as he continued to work.

"And what's been your food and water to caffeine ratio so far today?"

I grunted. "Food, water, and no caffeine so far, thank you very much."

Bones just gave me a look, which I couldn't really argue. Too much caffeine and not enough other, better fuel had been the cause of me not feeling good before, and we both knew it.

"Well, let's see what we can see here, hm?"

I barely managed to fight back a giddy smile as Bones turned to look at the monitor read out, including the heart rate monitor. What he found, instead of the normally reading beeping line, was the green line tracing the shape of a (non-anatomical) heart. I snuck my hand behind my pillow to retrieve the roses while Bones blinked at the display in shock.

"My god... what is..." He glanced from the monitor to me, then got halfway through turning back to the monitor before stopping to stay on me and my roses. His wide eyes and slightly-open mouth were instantly replaced with a squint and a frown. "What did you do to this monitor?"

"I made it cute for Valentine's Day!" I replied. I held out the roses to him, but before I could get through another word, he'd crossed his arms and fixed me with a glare.

"I thought something was seriously wrong, either with you or with my highly-sophisticated medical equipment, which is essential to the health and safety of this crew. What if we'd had an emergency situaiton before you could fix this, or even tell me about it?"

I sighed.

"I hear you, baby, but come on. I made sure the odds of that were crazy low, it's one monitor, and I made the whole thing easy to fix."

"Easy enough that a non-engineer who didn't know the machine had been tampered with could fix it?"

"Yes."

Bones raised an eyebrow, so I sighed, and used my free hand to give the machine a nice hard whack. Theoretically, the same one a stressed and confused medical professional would give it in the heat of the moment.

It beeped, then the readout changed back to the normal, boring heart monitor readout. I turned back to Bones with a look.

He sighed. "Fine. But you still scared me when I saw that coming up as a readout of your heart beat."

"Just take the roses and get M'benga to cover the end of your shift. This is just the first Valentine's surprise of the day."

Despite himself, a smile clawed its way onto my boyfriend's face. I grinned back at him. I knew he couldn't hold out here much longer.

"Alright, fine," he said, taking the roses out of my hand and leaning in to give me a kiss. I leaned up and into it, bringing one hand up to rest at the nape of his neck. After a long, sweet moment, he pulled back. "I'm all yours until dinner tonight."

"What happens at dinner tonight?"

"Then it's my turn to take over with the Valentine's planning. I put together a nice dinner for the both of us, and as a bonus, it won't give either of us a heart attack."

I laughed and leaned up to kiss him again.

"Sounds perfect to me."

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21

[wolven91]

A Heated Bed - Chapter 1

[Trigger Warning; Dubious Consent. References to Depression / Isolation]

Matt sighed through his nose as he turned off his workstation and glanced up and out of the office window, into the transport sector where he worked on board the spinning station. From here, new arrivals and materials would be shuttled off to wherever they were needed aboard the station itself.

Another day done, just like the hundred that came before it and now he was just going to head home. Without a hint of uncertainty, he knew that his evening would follow the same pattern as all the others. He thought getting a job out in the stars would be exciting! He'd be like Kirk or Mal or something!

But no. He was just a clerk.

He was still just 'Matt' and as it turns out, the rest of the alien folk up here, tend to give humans a wide berth. Thanks to everything that had happened, humans were well known now as the 'rare' ones and had a multitude of rules and regulations surrounding them. The aliens couldn't even get a selfie with a human without some serious thought first thanks to the worry that something in the background would tip off 'would-be' kidnappers. Not only that, but thanks to his inherent 'value', the various governments enforced the requirement that humans scattered themselves out. No one station could have too many humans or they'd become too juicy of a target. The station Matt was on was actually, fairly 'near' to the Sol system, at least on a galactic scale. He was on the 'southern' most edge of Galactic Community territory.

So here Matt stood on his own, completely ignored. Oh sure, everyone apparently loved humans, but right now? Nobody wanted to get too close in case they got into trouble by overstepping some hastily thrown together rule with little to no thought behind it. It seemed no-one really knew what to actually do about humans, so ignoring them was the safest choice and the administration would deal with whatever issue popped up.

Matt considered that it had been just short of four months since he'd last stood on a planet as he leant against one of the railings exiting the office in which he worked. He was in no rush, so stopped to watch the 'world' go by. Despite him being high up, it was louder out here, claxons and alarms whooped and alerted staff of moving machinery in the distance. The transport sector of the station was a huge, cavernous and very busy space, it could have fit the statue of liberty and the torch would barely scratch the roof. As it was, most of the walls were dominated by airlocks and maintenance bays, pulling ships in to be disembarked or their payloads removed within the safety of the station, but the centre of the zone was administration and various storage bays for materials.

Far above, tram stations ferried passengers at high speeds around the circular station, disappearing into the massive bulkhead walls that separated the sectors. One such tram silently whizzed past as some of Matt's colleagues exited the office space and headed towards the lift.

"Did you hear?" Matt overheard as they walked past.

"There's a new species joining the station! They just arrived, let's get down there quickly!" Burbled a sluggat, while the young male taurian trotted along beside them.

"They're not new, they just didn't leave their territory very often until now. It's like someone lit a fire under every single one of them or something?" The youngster said. The taurians were an odd bunch, the males seemed to gracefully glide along despite having hooves beneath the flowing silk dress.

What they were discussing however, perked the human's curiosity. The various races that he'd seen so far were all as unique as they could possibly be and aside from sharing the odd trait, most were a sight to behold when they first arrived. It was jarring to the human mind to see an alien; to understand and know that they were conscious behind the eyes and not human at all. Matt wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but he tried to take the many eccentricities of the various races in stride.

Walking to the lifts that would take him down to the station foyer, he found that seemingly everyone had the same idea. But at the sight of the walking bad luck charm that was Matt, the being closest to the lift's buttons started 'subtly' hitting it rapidly.

"Oh no, the doors are closing I don't understand what's happ-" The closed doors cut it off. Matt frowned but he wasn't surprised. They were as subtle as a brick through a plate glass window.

By the time Matt made it down to the new arrivals building, he had long since lost his passion for seeing the new race and was wondering why he was even still heading in this direction. He walked over to the main balcony and looked over to the entrance to the station from the docks and saw the usual traffic one expected, not the heaving mass of new arrivals.

He sighed and leaned down to rest his chin on the side of his fist that rested against the rail in dejection. He didn't really feel sad anymore, he just wanted to talk with someone... no... not even that... just to feel physical touch again, that would be enough. He closed his eyes and made a hopeless wish.

"Excuse me." Said a calm, smooth voice from behind and above him.

He flinched, clanking his head off the higher railings that protected the taller races from falling and straightened up to turn around, rubbing his head. He hadn't heard anyone approach; ssypno slither, taurians clop and ursidians shake the ground, who could sneak up on him so well?

Turning around he was left staring at the fluffy midriff of an alien, so he tilted his head back and kept tilting.

Eventually making eye contact with the owner of said midriff, it had heavily lidded, bright green eyes that regarded him in an aloof manner and yet there was a vague interest there, like it had seen him from a favoured seat and couldn't decide whether to get up to come to him or remain seated.

She, he assumed based on her rich voice, was tall, at least eight feet and wider than himself as well. The thick long fur that covered her from the top of her pointed ears to the tips of her large paws reminded him of a snow leopard. She sported greys, blacks and whites, giving her a very unique appearance. The other aspect he saw was that she was muscled; this couldn't be someone who did nothing all day, this was a dangerous person even without the obsidian claws that protruded slightly from the tips of her hands and feet. One of said paws with tapping the claw against her chin as she considered him.

"Er, hello? Are you one of the new arrivals?" Matt asked, aware he'd never seen one of these things before.

"Mm, yes... Hold still please." She said absently, not ignoring him, but like she was thinking about something more important while interacting with him. She stepped forward, closer to him, crowding him, it was a far cry from his usual environment of having an oasis of space in the crowds, he stood his ground. A strong arm reached out and, nearly touched his face, but paused a hair's breadth away, she smelt of something like citrus.

"Are you an ill taurian?" her cool voice asked, hand still somewhat hovering close by. Matt could feel the tiny hairs on his skin sensing her proximity.

"Ah, no. I'm a human, I'm afraid this is normal."

"Good." She decided cryptically before turning and stalking away, a long thick tail trailing behind, briefly brushing under Matt's chin before leaving the human confused, bemused and alone once more.

=== 0 ===

Sometime later it was late, and Matt found himself back in the residential district and on his floor, nearing his room. His quarters were sequestered away from others, practically having an entire habitation block to himself. Once more, it was easier to just isolate the vulnerable human than have him potentially interact with others.

His interaction with the new alien however was replaying in his mind. It was one of the longest conversations he had had in over a month. He was disturbed however, as ever since that interaction, he had a vague sense of being watched or followed. Turning and looking over his shoulders, each time resulted in empty hallways and nothing out of the ordinary. Did he want to see her again? Did he want more than to 'just' see her?

"Yeah.." He vocally admitted glumly with a hint of guilt to himself.

He chalked the 'being followed' feeling up to his mind wanting to see someone, his brain had a brief taste of the 'good life' and now cried out for more. He got to his door and placing his forehead against it, unlocked it. He straightened up, smelt citrus again and opened the door with a confused expression as he wondered the scent.

"This will do." Said a familiar voice both behind and above him. Strong paw-like hands grasped his waist, effortlessly picked him up and, bodily turning him, he was pressed against the strange alien's wide hip as she ducked her head through his front door gracefully and entered his abode with him under her arm.

"W-what are you doing?!" Matt exclaimed, stunned into compliance, not considering that he should maybe flail about or resist in some fashion. He was stunned into limply going along with the strangeness of the situation. Was this a kidnapper!? Is this how it all worked!? Nobody had actually explained it all, they just said 'kidnappers'!

She, again, whilst responding to him, was focused on looking around his modest albeit basic home and stalking further in.

"There are no sunbeams on this station, and it is cold. You will assist, I am adopting you." She said as a matter of fact as she moved into his bedroom, her movements were so graceful that despite him being held horizontally against her hip, he wasn't jostled or shaken with her footsteps as she moved.

Walking up to his bed, rather than move around it, she merely took a step up onto it, walking into the centre before turning in place. The whole thing groaned under her and his weight. Next, she released him without warning, so he fell the short distance and bounced one, then twice onto his back with the fall. He blinked, still utterly shocked into confused stillness.

"Hmm, you're clumsy then. That is fine, I will work with you." She said while staring down at him from her seemingly mile up vantage point. From his perspective, her legs went on forever. Her arctic colourings were emphasized, but it was how she was looking AT him that caught his breath. She wasn't avoiding him, she wasn't ignoring him or even treating him like he was made from thin porcelain. He was the sole subject of her attention, she wanted to give him her attention and he had no clue what to do.

Before he could react further, she folded herself down onto his mattress and duvet. Laying on her side she effortlessly grabbed a hold of his hips and drew him into herself with one solid pull whilst he uttered a single squeak in surprise. Her strength moved him without so much as a grunt of effort by her.

He struggled for a moment, but the arm he was now laying on, curled around, bicep flexing against his cheek and held his opposite shoulder, the other arm draped over him and held against his chest, gently running fingers up and along his jawline, soothingly. A long fluffy leg entwined itself around his own and she curled in on herself, forcing him deeper into her 'hug'. The very thick and fluffy tail made a reappearance and settled, draped across him... almost protectively? He continued to try and half-heartedly pull away, but despite the strangeness; he was secretly... shamefully... enjoying it. Despite his wiggling, none of his actions could have actually broken her hold...

Tiring himself out however, he eventually recognised that he could feel the soft, thick pelt fully covering and pressing into his back and sides with ease, his head was tucked under her chin still resting against her arm while her chest fur framed his world with the ends of her pelt, surrounding his vision. He was warm, for the very first time in a long time, he was deliciously warm. The interloper was right, the station was cold, he'd just gotten used to it.

Laying still, whilst confused, and bewildered, he had to admit it was quite pleasant being held so firmly and protectively as a 'little spoon'. When the rumbling purr started behind his head and chest, it rolled through him like an old-fashioned massage chair. It was soothing and she offered no other words or statements as they settled. Catching his breath, the rhythmic rumbling gently unravelled the tensions that had built up in his back and neck. It was a few minutes later that he flinched awake, realising he was dropping off and he realised that this was completely mental!

She couldn't just 'adopt' him, right!? This was technically his home! It was the other way around, surely!

He took in a breath to start shouting, but the coiling loneliness inside his chest had him pause. It gripped at his heart, inspiring fear. Whilst his mind happily supplied the idea that protesting might ruin a good thing. It was an alien, right? A new one? Maybe they didn't understand this wasn't normal? Sluggats are strictly opposed to physical contact, even offering a handshake is tantamount to threatening one's life, so maybe she was just unaware?

Stifling a yarn, he came to the decision that he would have words with her in the morning. He could share his home for a weary traveller this once. She may be rude, but he'd be polite...

...yeah... that was it...

=== 0 ===

Many hours later, Matt had no desire to wake up.

He felt warm and calm, the bliss of a rare full night's sleep undisturbed was not something he had any desire in leaving any time soon. As his mind came back to the waking world however, he understood that he was laid on his front.

Matt smiled as he realised, he didn't need to go to work, it was the weekend. He couldn't recall any other pressing matters that needed his attention either. He was safe to relax and take things slow today, no need to leave such a comfy bed.

He rolled his shoulders to prepare to stretch when he noticed that his movement was severely limited.

In fact, he could barely move at all; something rather large and heavy was weighing down on him across every inch of his body and limbs. He could breathe, but it was like having several weighted blankets on top of him.

Opening his eyes, the first thing Matt took notice of was that he was pressed deeply into the mattress. He could see a curtain of grey and white fur bordering his vision from whatever was limply placed on his back. He was essentially spread eagle on top of the covers, but every inch of him was covered by something warm and soft. He moved his arm, sliding it across the bed and out from beneath the foreign arm that had been placed on top of his own, the larger of the two thudded against the mattress with the sudden loss of his limb beneath it.

A stirring from above and a low grumble, rumbled through his spine as whatever, or more to the point, whoever it was, woke up apparently due to him moving his arm so suddenly. The other occupant of the bed reached out to his hand, pushed their leather pad clad fingers through the spaces between his own fingers and gripped his hand, holding it still with a strength that prevented any more use of the limb. The worrying part was that the arm and hand weren't tense at all but held a strength that dwarfed the human's. The interloper's hand was nearly double the size of his, he could feel the pads warming the back of his palm. They were soft and almost hot to the touch.

Matt blinked in utter confusion as he tried to remember what was going on. After taking some time to calm himself and figure things out, he realised that the strange dream he had last night, was not a dream after all. The giant cat-like alien that had joined the station yesterday, had followed him home, physically picked him up, barged into his home and declared that she had 'adopted' him. Regardless of how well he had slept after so long buried beneath her, or how soft and warm her fur was, this was beyond what he could accept as proper behaviour. He needed to give her a stern talking to.

"Umph.." He started, catching a mouthful of fur and duvet, forcing him into shaking his head to clear it.

"Er... excuse me? Hello?" He stated in as demanding a tone as he could, bearing in mind he was still buried underneath the one he was trying to address, which undercut his authority somewhat. He didn't get a response, so he cleared his throat and again, he also tried to buck his hips, moving the body above him, but only barely as she was still a dead weight from above, her hips merely fell back down on him from behind.

"Excuse me!"

A groan was spoken directly into his ear.

"Mm. Go back to sleep. It's too early, little one." A drowsy voice spoke out, before the head on top of his lifted and he felt a broad, wet, and rough tongue lick the hair on the back of his head twice, before the weight returned and it pressed him back down into the mattress.

"What.. hey! No! Don't go back to sleep! What's going on here!" He exclaimed, again, trying to wiggle as much as he could with his limited movement, he had to get her awake and moving! In the end it appeared as if he was recreating 'the worm', the now long-lost dance move of the now destroyed Earth.

A deep and dramatic sigh of someone extremely displeased was given in response, before her almost 'noble' voice came back, far less sleepy this time.

"What is it? This is far too early 'human'." She asked from behind his ear.

"Who are you? Why are you in bed? What's going on?!" He asked in a tirade of questions that tumbled out from him.

Another exasperated sigh came from the creature, before her hands released his, she curled her arms around his chest, a leg looped behind his knee and she rolled in one movement, so she was on her back, her head against his pillows and he was dragged along for the ride. He ended up facing upwards, being held against her body with her underneath his back. A clawed hand snagged the duvet and pulled it over both of them, leaving the top of the thick cover, underneath Matt's chin. The hand landed on his head and began to draw a set of claws gently through his hair, ever so slightly scratching at his scalp.

Overall, it felt quite pleasant, the low rumbling purr returned as it rolled over his body. At least she was awake, so far, his attempt to establish dominance over the situation was going well.

"I am Her Highness Varuna; you may call me 'your majesty'. We are here because we were both tired and due sleep, we are still tired I will remind you. As for what's going on, I am being rudely awakened and you are asking questions."

"I meant... highness? No, I meant why are you in my home? What did you mean by 'adopting' me?"

A rumble.

"Ah, you were able to provide appropriate warmth and I am adopting you because you do not currently live with another felinoid. Now my turn my human. What is your name and how many humans are there on this station?"

Matt's eyes briefly rolled up in his head as she continued to run her fingers through his hair, scratching and clawing at his scalp. She would draw her hand through one way, then brush back with the curve of her claws, rather than the points. Goosebumps crawled up and down his arms. He supressed a shiver, but she still gave a single mirthful 'humph' as his body quivered.

"I'm Matt... and none. Just me."

A dissatisfied huff came from above as her hand stopped to grip his head in her oversized paws gently.

"Urgh.. There is not enough. The rumours that you humans were rare has been understated. This is both good and bad it seems. You humans are perfect, and I do not wish to share." She growled to herself, before she relaxed and continued her attention.

"Share? Like with the rest of your kind? I thought you were a queen or highness or something?" Matt asked confused as to why someone of her position would be in his room and would even need to consider 'sharing' whatever that meant.

"A-a-and you can't just 'share' me! What if I don't consent? I-I-I could have you kicked off the station for breaking into my home!"

She sighed, a brushed the back of her furred fingers against his cheek.

"I am sorry if I have offended, if I have distressed or hurt... I apologise..."

"It's fine." Matt parroted automatically before admonishing himself. He was meant to be angry! He was supposed to be angry! As a severe introvert though... even back on Earth he had been adopted by those who were more outgoing than him.

"I have no interest in upsetting you, but my kind are very interested in your kind. You are supremely unique, and we are a race of those who seek out the unique."

"W-what do you mean? Am I being kidnapped?"

A flinch from below.

"No! Bleck! Not at all, freedom is above all things! Freedom of the self, freedom of the choice, freedom is ultimate and the only thing that must be demanded." She stated firmly seemingly repeating a mantra or oath. She pulled away from him for the first time to raise a single digit upwards to emphasise her points.

"If you... choose... not to have us around, then we will not be around. Our people... our... society... is about enjoying oneself, I believe 'hedonistic' might be the correct word, but poorly explains it. We no longer must toil, so why should we? If you want to; go, work and earn. If you don't? Relax and work on yourself. Freedom, above all."

"So.. where do I come in? How am I to be 'shared', this is what I'm confused about."

"Alongside Freedom, is experiences, the truly desired 'unbuyable' thing." To punctuate her next sentence, she started by tapping his nose with a soft leather pad on the end of her finger. "Humanity is new and rare. We sought you out to experience you. I would have settled for sight and smell, but then you spoke with me rather than ignore. You did not stop me when I reached out to touch you. Even last night, your home was easy to find as it smelt of you, so I waited. You did not protest my entry until we were already settled and even then... you did not say 'no'."

A joyful 'hm' came from behind his head.

"Your actions were half-hearted, so I believe you enjoyed last night. Am I wrong?"

"No..." Matt tilted his head in reluctant agreement, but that was pushing it to say the least. He'd need to teach them the do's and don'ts before they got into trouble. Still, he'd rather have a bit more control over his life than being 'told' what he was going to do.

"But! You can't just barge into someone's house and expect to be welcomed in, arms wide! This is weird!"

"You don't like this?" She asked, hurt bleeding into her tone and her hand moved away in hesitation, holding away from him as if to release him. The loneliness returned with a writhing behind his ribs, it felt like a snake retreating backwards, towards her.

"It's not... it's not that it doesn't feel good, but you have to.. to.. introduce yourself or something? Be invited in."

She was quiet for a time, her hand clasped his head again, but didn't move now, but it warmed his exposed flesh pleasantly.

"Strange, no wonder we kept to our own for so long. We expected to be welcomed and praised, but the reception so far has been.. underwhelming. I suppose I could lower my expectations... 'Slum it' if you will? Would you be able to teach me the social graces of your world?"

"Social g like you don't know how to interact like the rest of them? I mean, I'm still learning myself, but I guess I could?"

"Matt, was it? May I start again?"

"..sure?"

"Good morning warm human." She began, a jovial tone now adorning her voice, Matt couldn't help but snort and grin as he remained laying on top of her, chuckling against her.

"Good morning crazy cat lady. How are you?" he responded, playing the part.

"I am well! May we share heat, it is cold, and you are very warm?" She asked, starting her purring once again beneath him.

Matt rolled his eyes and relaxed somewhat. She seemed to mean well, if not a bit ditzy, not to mention she was quite one track minded.

It was going to be an 'interesting' few weeks attempting to educate his new 'student'.

=== 0 ===

"My name is Ruby." The felinoid answered him later on as he cooked.

Matt frowned as he leant over the stove, finishing up at getting the 'bacon' as crispy as he could. How he had ended up on cooking duty after being the 'bed' as well, he wasn't sure; but the large cat creature currently picking through his apartment behind him had wrangled this somehow. Still, he was glad to find that whilst pigs did not survive earth, there was something called a 'squidgit' that if their meat was prepared correctly, tasted very similar. Apparently, you could cook them every which way and they tasted different each time.

He scraped the 'bacon' strips onto a plate, next to the scrambled eggs on both plates. He had no idea where the eggs came from, however.

He looked behind him to see the green eyes with the black slits in the middle staring back at him. She had seated herself in the middle of his sofa with one leg crossed over the other, she rested her hands, fingers interlaced, in her lap.

"I like your eyes by the way..." He blurted out without thinking.

"Mm, thank you. I had them changed a few years ago, I got bored with my natural yellow colour."

"Changed?"

"Freedom, my dear Matt, freedom in everything. We felinoids will often change our appearance. Quite dramatically I will add. Our kind are adept at appearance adjustments."

With a nod and quick, nervous smile, he walked over and offered the plate. It wobbled slightly due to his nerves. He wasn't used to being under such scrutiny after months of being ostracised by the rest of the aliens aboard. Why did he care so much as to what this alien thought of him? He couldn't be smitten or anything, she was an alien. She accepted the plate with one hand, with an ever so slight smirk, tugging at the edge of her lips.

"Cutlery." Matt reminded himself, turning and moving back to the kitchen to retrieve somewhat clean utensils from the sink. He gave them a rapid but thorough wash and dried them in short order. When he moved back to the sofa with a knife and fork in hand, an empty plate was being held out for him to retrieved back.

His mind was confused for a moment; he'd given her a plate of food. Right? Had she'd just tipped the whole damn plate down her gullet?

"I should thank you, shouldn't I?" The artic felinoid stated, blinking slowly. "I'm very grateful, that breakfast was delicious." She finished as he plucked the empty, greasy plate from her hand.

"I-... sure, no worries?" He returned to the small kitchenette and retrieved his own plate. Whilst she claimed not to no what manners to employ, he hadn't actually 'taught' her anything yet, but she was now seemingly acutely aware of what social expectations were placed upon her.

Matt moved to sit down and considered that the last twelve hours had been very strange, he'd gone from pariah to the sole focus of an overbearing, but seemingly harmless 'felinoid'. They had been apparently part of The Galactic Community for hundreds of years like everyone else, but had kept mostly to themselves, until now of course. Ever since Humans appeared Walking back to the sofa, he took note of her white and grey fur; she looked exactly like one of the old snow leopards of earth, all the way down to the spots and thick fluffy tail and oversized paws. Her size was something of note, easily larger than him, her ears brushed the ceiling when she stood up straight.

Her strength was also of note, she was not slim. Her arms, whilst covered in a long thick pelt, that Matt knew was also incredibly soft thanks to last night, barely hid the bulging muscles beneath. She proved she had no issue picking up and carrying him like he weighed nothing.

When he stood next to the sofa, he realised that there simply wasn't any space for him to sit on the cushions of the seat. The size of her hips took up much of the space of his rather crappy, standard issue sofa and to try and sit down would have him perched half on top of her. With a shrug, he chose instead to perch on the sofa's arm.

Ruby, however, had different ideas.

Before he could perch and start on his light breakfast, a grey furred arm and dinner plate sized hand wrapped around his sternum.

"Wait! Wait, wait, wai-" He cried out, trying to prevent his breakfast from spilling as he was dragged from the arm, and into the centre of the sofa onto the larger creature's lap. Thankfully, he hadn't spilt anything.

"That was dangerous, I could have spilled!" He complained as he attempted to disengage, but with an arm locked around his waist, he found the act impossible while holding a plate with both hands, so he reached down with one. When a clawed hand plucked a strip of bacon from his plate, his priority changed immediately.

He lost one piece but defended the others by starting into his breakfast with no further delay. The large feline sat beneath and behind him chewed the stolen bacon slowly as she held onto him carefully. It was only once he started to relax that he noticed she was purring again.

"So, we have a problem that will need to be addressed today." Ruby stated calmly whilst Matt's mouth was full. It didn't stop him from 'mm'ing as a wordless question.

"Not with your mouth full, little one. But yes, my dema- err.. Request? Yes, my request from yesterday remains quite important. My people will begin spreading out amongst the stars. They will want to meet you humans, but... like myself... will not know your... er... protocol?" A hand landed on the top of his head and a set of claws poked through his hair. She started talking again as Matt swallowed the last of his eggs and settled into having the back of his head scratched.

"We wish to make the best first impression and avoid upsetting your kind. We can compensate you and others if you agree to assist us in learning your ways. I wish to 'employ' you as a cultural guide? Would you like to come with me when I leave here?" She asked gently while still steadily scratching at him. He leaned forwards to put the plate down and was gently pulled back onto her whilst she laid back, horizontally across the sofa, taking him with her. She released her claws from his hair and instead hugged him from behind as if he were a cushion or favoured teddy.

The way he sank into her fluff, how he felt it cover his ears from behind and tickle his cheeks. It was incredibly pleasant and relaxing. He considered her words.

Did he want to just end his life here? To leave everything behind? What of his colleagues? Friends on the station? All for some random personal-space ignorant, socially inept space cats?

=== 0 ===

Half an hour later, Matt had his bags packed. Or rather; bag. Singular. He had little he needed to bring aside from a few sets of clothes and some mementos of sentiment. He had no friends on the station, he had a contact which treated him like a house plant rather than a person. His choice was made purely on the fact that his depression and apathy had been lifted all in one evening and he was petrified of it returning.

Was this a good idea? Probably not. Was it healthy? Also no. But he didn't have a good answer and he had nothing else to lose. His planet was dead, his people were scattered, and he was working a crappy job that a computer could do just to save up money to buy things for his domicile.

When Matt stepped out of his bedroom, Ruby was leaning against the front door with a foot raised against it and her arms crossed over her chest. She grinned like the cat that caught the canary.

"You're helping many of my kind, you know? Is noble."

"Let's not pretend I'm saving lives here, I'm a glorified heating mat." Matt said, stopping in front of the alien. She looked genuinely shocked, leaning down and lifting his chin with a finger.

"You are very important Matt; I am not ignorant to how you were when I met you. Alone and distant from the others? I am not blind to the lack of pictures of friends on this station in your home. The only ones you had, were in your bedroom and seem to be of family. Your journey to this apartment was one of an outcast." She pushed off the door and stepped close to him again, looking down at him with a firm expression that left Matt guessing what she might have been thinking.

"You have natural abilities and skills that somewhere else would be valuable. Here, you are out of step with your surroundings and seemingly... Left questioning your value, wrongly." She shook her head with a pitying look to her eye, yet her words were firm. She believed what she was saying.

She reached out, placed her long arms over his shoulders and pulled his back towards her. She gripped him against herself and held him there.

At first, he didn't understand what she was doing, again, her odd actions caused a jarring to his expectations. The outside world, however, was lost to him for a time, the fur of her torso muffled the air circulation humming and was replaced by the sound of her heart beating and her lungs breathing in and out steadily.

The lonely man's arms gingerly reached up and around the felinoid' s body, and he hugged her back for the first time. It was the first time he'd held someone away from Earth. It actually physically hurt his chest to apparently reconnect with someone, to consider reopening himself after protecting himself from isolation. After so long as being held at arm's length by others, he wanted to latch onto her like a lifeline.

He gripped at the fur at her back and breathed into the fluff that pressed into his face. Ruby placed one of her hands at the back of his head and stood there, she would not rush him nor prompt him to move. She was patient, she could wait for him until he was ready. It would be his choice, his freedom to do so. To her and her find, freedom was as vital as air and this human was not 'free' here on this station.

It was only a short hour later when Matt finally boarded the felinoid ship as it prepared to leave in search for more elusive humans.

They had barely been checked, the station administration seemingly rushing through Matt's paperwork. Matt had been pulled aside and been asked if he was being coerced, but in the end the administer let slip that he was glad Matt was leaving. He was too dangerous in the administrator's opinion. Matt had thought that there would be more effort in a supposed long-term resident demanding to leave, but it seemed his request to leave was received with gratitude and relief instead.

He felt like he should be betrayed, but he had to admit that he also felt relief and gratitude right back at them for being able to leave with such ease.

Whether The Galactic Community was informed of his change of location Matt didn't know, the ship was tracked and he would be met at the next station to ensure his safety in the void, but when he put his bag down and looked up, he found himself looking at a team of felinoids who, whilst were wildly different in appearance, each had a rapturous grin, one or two waved at him.

Suddenly his vision was blocked by the furred back of a snow leopard, Ruby.

Her tail flicked rapidly from one side to another, was she agitated?

"We have gained an ally. However, we must; be polite." Ruby stated clearly and definitively. She remained in front of Matt, until the group stalked away. Ruby turned back to Matt and picked up his bag with ease.

"They will need teaching but are harmless. You will need to be a teacher before we arrive at our next destination, I hope you are ready."

Matt watched as the group disappeared around a corner and the last tail trailed behind.

In all honesty, after spending multiple moths just pressing buttons on a computer, the human was ready for a new challenge.

=== 0 ===

Unfortunately, the new challenge began that evening.

The engines were probably several hundred meters away and behind many bulkheads, but the human could hear them, and Matt lay awake in his bed. It wasn't really the humming of the engines that was keeping the human awake, however.

The creeping doubt that plagued every decision in the dead of night had made itself known to him by 'midnight' aboard the felinoid ship. It was a frigate it seemed and just one of a small group of ships that travelled together.

His bedding was tangled around him as he stared up at the distant ceiling. He'd thrown his lot in with this new species while knowing precious little about them. God, why had he been so stupid?!

Was his life aboard the station been so bad that at the first offer from a complete and utter stranger of another possibility, he'd just jumped with both feet?!

He had to admit he wasn't happy aboard the station. His conscious mind agreed that he couldn't have stayed there much longer without him going crazy or doing something stupid. But no number of antidepressants would alleviate the crushing loneliness of being avoided by everyone else. Christ, they didn't even have antidepressants that were designed for humans up in the stars.

Sure, tell someone a drug's name; the materials might not even exist outside of Earth, let along share the same name.

But his subconscious continued to jab and peck at his choices. They didn't care about him. They just wanted to use him.

That's why he was given his own room alone. Alone again. He'd had one night of glorious sleep and now he couldn't pass out on his own.

Matt rubbed his face and let out a growl in frustration. He could argue the toss with himself all night but there was no way to prove that these giant bipedal cats actually had his best intentions in mind.

Till a thought occurred to him, it wasn't completely true, that there was no test.

Ruby, the snow leopard that had 'recruited' him onto the ship full of them. She had made a point to show him around the ship. She finished by introducing both his room and hers, which were near one another, almost directly neighbours.

'If you need me, day or night, my door will open for you. I will only be upset if I find out you didn't seek me out when in need.' It was the last thing she had said to him before disappearing down the corridor and away from his room. He stared after her, focusing on the swishing tail and ample rump beneath the grey and white dotted fur.

'Prove it.' His tired mind demanded now in the darkness. He'll always mistrust them if he didn't test their promises.

Without thinking, he sat up, and in naught but loose knee length nightwear, moved to his front door. It slid open without a noise and revealed low lights highlighting the corridor.

'Am I doing this?' He asked, doubting himself as he lingered in his doorway, torn between truth and familiarity.

He glanced back into his dark room. He wouldn't make any social faux par in there. He looked down the corridor, he could see her front door. He could be shunned horrifically if they didn't stand by their word...

His first step was the hardest. The other steps went by too quickly. He was lightheaded by the time he approached Ruby's door. His mind screamed not to, his subconscious promised to be good, just don't knock on the-

The door opened as if it was his own, he had no need to knock...

He stepped within, mimicking her from the day before. The room structure was no different from his own from what he could see in the gloom, despite different adornments.

"Hello? Ruby?" He whispered into the oppressive darkness barely a whisper. He took a few steps towards the bedroom, before realising what he was doing.

"I'm an idiot." He admonished himself, turning and intending to go back to his room.

A large paw on his shoulder caused him to jump and have his heart attempt to blast out of his chest.

"Don't say that please." Stated a shadow with Ruby's voice. "Are you okay?" She asked, turning him to 'face' her, another large broad paw found his other shoulder. He couldn't actually see anything, merely a silhouette of blocked light.

"Ah.. yeah, yeah, I'm... not sure why I'm here."

A low growl came from the shadow before she spoke again.

"Big changes dear Matt, freedom is imposing to those who haven't tasted it properly. You will doubt yourself, that is normal. But you chose a course and now you should commit until you know better. There is a cure for the voices this evening my Matt." She promised.

He gave a small smile into the dark, whilst he could not see her, to her it was as bright as day.

"What's the cure?"

"Come with me..." she said simply, turning but catching his hand in hers. Her digits with padded, furred, longer and thicker than his. Her hand or paw engulfed his own and marched him silently into the bedroom proper.

"Climb in, be careful." She requested as he felt for the edge of the bed and climbed aboard. Their beds were far larger and more luxurious, squishing significantly beneath him, certainly more than anything he'd enjoyed before. But when he felt Ruby climb in immediately after him, he was confused when a second set of hands from within the bed, grasped him down onto the mattress, rolled him so he was facing Ruby and a large body began to spoon him from behind.

Ruby was in front of him... Who was..?

Looking down at the thick arms that were curled around his chest and stomach, he deduced the fur to be pure black or some other similarly dark colour.

"That is Onyx, my current lover, they will help me keep the doubts away..." Said Ruby as she pressed up to his front and wrapped her own arms over both of the other occupants of the bed.

His back was pressed into devilishly soft fur, while Ruby's longer fur and chest pressed into his front. Her head rested almost touching his forehead, while he could feel warm breath gently washing over the back of his neck in time with the moving chest touching his back.

A rumbling growl and yawn came from behind his ear.

"Doubts?" a male voice asked from behind his ear.

"He has doubts hunting him. True freedom is new for him." Stated Ruby, speaking over his head as she settled.

Matt felt a rough tongue gently run up at the back of his neck once.

"It's okay... we're here. You're not alone... You are safe." rumbled the gravelly voice.

Likewise, Ruby gave a loving lick to his forehead, before rubbing her cheek over his face. First one cheek, then the other as the pair of aliens began to purr loudly, whilst Onyx nuzzled into the back of his neck. If he didn't know better, Matt would have worried about an earthquake, but now, just two larger-than-a-human cats, both purring while whispering sweet nothings and reassurances into the blighted man's ear.

Their limbs intertwined and while there was no blanket on the bed, every inch of his exposed flesh had at least some of the felinoid bodies and fur pressed against it. With the exception of his face, he wasn't exposed to the air.

Slept came surprisingly swiftly shortly after this to Matt. He rested obscenely well and woke the next morning feeling incredibly refreshed.

Getting out of bed however took several hours, not that anyone within that bed cared...

=== 0 ===

Links:

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[t0ast-ghost]

S3 episode 2 (The Enterprise Incident) yeah. I bet they have a lot of those.

Starting off:

- with McCoy narrating

- “I can find no reason for the captain’s behaviour.” Kirk is on his period, that’s why.

- *enters neutral zone* *immediate Romulan ship*

- Spock outright disagreeing with Kirk! Spock and McCoy on the same side! Oh, Kirk dismissed McCoy. He knew he couldn’t take both of them.

- violated your territory? Girl what were you doing in the neutral zone?

- I can’t tell if Kirk is being controlled in this episode or just being a dick

- Spock is trying to save your ass Kirk! Spock cares about his boyfriend and he’s worried cause he’s been more irrational than usual

- “I’ll kill you!” Damn poor Spock

- The Romulans are being kind of reasonable

- “If you stop looking upon star fleet as the whole universe.” Right it’s star fleet. Not Kirk and McCoy or anything. Noo..

- “I don’t make house calls.” “Doctor, it’s Captain Kirk.” WHO DID YOU THINK IT WAS? Like who would request McCoy’s services on the Romulan ship other than Spock and Kirk.

- She wants Spock so bad.

- This guys got the bluest of pants

- “This man is not fully competent.” “No, not now.” McCoy really wanted to laugh

- McCoy getting angry at Spock and the commander stepping in like, ‘back off from my man’

- That face clutch

- “I instinctively used the Vulcan death grip.” McCoy looks at him like, ‘the fucking what?!’

- “The captain is dead.” Big moment and whatnot but Kirk’s dead face is…

- “My neck feels like it’s been twisted off.” Kirk’s neck, his back- etc.

- “Bones I want you to prepare to surgery.” Kirk touches McCoy’s shoulder so tenderly. Like that’s just not normal.

- WHAT THE FUCK

- I love how happy Scotty is, “You look like the devil himself, as long as you’re alive.”

- “What the devil is Spock doing?” McCoy says ‘what the devil’ when he is worried about someone or confused quite a bit

- I still do not know why they went into the neutral zone tbh

- So Spock will drink with HER but not with McCoy. Wow.

- “A place?” “With me.” Commander back up he is taken

- It’s interesting to see how everyone really wants Spock to ‘embrace his humanity’ because they can relate to it better. Vulcans can seem like the most distant and the least able to connect with anyone because of their claim to logical and unemotional ways, but they still desire peace and helped to create the federation. I think that Spock rejects a lot of his human side because that’s what those around him in his childhood defined him as. And so he finds pride in being a Vulcan when working in star fleet, and anytime someone tries to force upon him the idea of being human he continues to reject it. With McCoy and Kirk it’s almost come to a playful rejection because he cares about them a lot and knows they appreciate his Vulcan side, but it’s got to still hurt that anytime he connects with them they think it’s his more human side. Obviously he’s not just split down the middle, he doesn’t just act wildly like one or the other because it’s a mix, but to him it really seems to be like a one or the other kind of situation (which is fair because that’s what he’s been taught) so he mostly chooses to connect with his ‘Vulcan half’ because that’s the one that’s so often pushed away by others. All that to say, he hasn’t been able to find a balance within himself and it’s not his fault because that’s difficult to do especially with a lot of outside forces pushing him to be one way or the other. And I think about this a lot.

- OMG THEY’RE MAKING OUT. WHY DID THE CAMERA ZOOM IN ON THAT

- Kirk is not a good spy. He is good at beating the shit out of people though

- HE TOOK THE WHOLE FUCKING PART?!?

- “What are you that could do this?” “First officer of the Enterprise [that bitch (positive)].” She slaps him and then he says, “What is your present form of execution.” HE IS THAT BITCH (🎵i-t-g-i-r-l you know I am that girl🎶)

- “You will not die alone.” Spock would find this mortifying. He does not wish for Kirk to join him in death. He would do anything to prevent it. But I could imagine that in their last moments, they would share a look to try and help each other and know it would be futile but share it anyway. (Edit: Think I was supposed to edit this but I’m too tired)

- Spock’s eyes are enchanting

- “Captain… please go. Somehow they [pointed ears] do not look aesthetically agreeable on humans.” I love each of the crews reaction to this comment but especially Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura’s reactions

Spock is so tired, let him rest.

Masterpost

Episode written by D. C. Fontana

[thesovereignchimera]

Okay hear me out....

New AU where all of TOS is actually just Jim, Spock, Bones along with all the other Senior officers' playground games.

Amanda and Sarek chose to raise Spock on Earth much to his chagrin. Which is why he mimics his father to the best of his ability and is constantly pleased he's different from his classmates. He has a massive crush on both Kirk and Bones after his betrothed back on Vulcan broke his heart. He came to school that day angry and started a fight with both boys that escalated into a small altercation between the headstrong Jim and Spock, but Jim lost to help Spock get it off his chest. The two humans immediately forgave their friend and understood.

Jim has seen through media he must have a girl which explains the rotating female love interest of the week. Also it's to prove to McCoy and Spock, NO HE DOESN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM, SEE? To which then the girl promptly doesn't return and he has to hunt down another one to play. At the same time he's seen his own Dad lamenting that he's less married to his mom and more his job so he goes with that angle too.

Bones is always the one to the rescue when anyone gets a scrape or small cut; he carries around a little tin of bandages and disposable alcohol wipes because his helicopter of a mother is always concerned he's going to hurt himself. He was the first one to join Jim and inadvertently got the job of Chief Medical officer when Jim on the 'Bridge' (that section of the playground) accidentally fell off his 'Captain's Chair' (the jungle gym) and immediately rushed over to see if his classmate was alright. Bones also has a massive crush on Spock and Jim which is why he constantly teases the two.

Scotty is just autistic. Scotty just really wanted to play Chief Engineer so he could use all those words he's been reading about in the tech manuals he's stolen from his father. He brings them to school everyday.

Uhura started out as the token girl of the group, not allowed to do much but the guys quickly realized since she was bright and multilingual, she could do all the voices and stuff for their Aliens! She had great fun playing all the bad guys and good guys the group encountered and was always coming up with something to challenge Jim and his 'Command skills.'

Chekov is a grade younger student who moved schools for being bullied. The group immediately takes him under their wing as soon as Jim notices him sitting all by himself at recess. With Spock especially standing by his new younger friend.

Sulu LOVED to play medieval sword fights or cops and robbers but was coaxed into this new Starship game by Jim with the promise of being the Tactical officer. He still occasionally challenges people to duals.

Any reoccurring actors in different roles were just the same kids who just happened to show up again and wanted to play so Jim and Uhura assigned them a role in their story.

[zahri-melitor]

Newish Comics

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #17: oh, we are recanonising Officer Down immediately before going into All Along the Watchtower? That's...a choice. Not necessarily a bad one, but hmmm it very much positions Harvey Bullock (though while recanonising it we've now made the hit go awry, so hmmmmm).

The Leap Day story was fine, it felt like a Batman fill. I don't care for the Constantine team up with Streaky but that's normal for me. Billy seemed sort of young in the diner story, but it was a cute team up (though Basil Karlo, you know there's a perfectly fine team name for Clayfaces, it's the Mud Pack, why were you reaching for 'The Clay Team').

The Man-Bat story made me emotional, especially in that Kirk says he's still very separated from Francine.

Action Comics #1069: These were...fine. I did have to laugh that Rowell's conclusion to 'is it unethical to report on yourself' was 'we're both somewhat unethical and are going to do it anyway'.

The Flash #13: This remains a very good Wally West comic. I did squint at Linda saying she went through labour three times, but I think this is meant in terms of the nonsense surrounding the twins' pregnancy involved her to first miscarry and then give birth to the twins. That or she's counting active labour/delivery for the twins separately.

I'm excited for Skartaris. I presume we're also time travelling somewhat given Travis appeared alive in the dream scene, but also I'm fully aware that nobody actually remembers Travis did actually die and Joshua's now the Warlord. Unless there's further developments beyond that that I haven't sussed out yet.

Green Arrow #16: I love your confidence in Connor, Ollie, but's he's still like...top 10 living fighters, not the 'greatest fighter the world has ever seen'. (I did enjoy the little smirk on Connor's face from his very first panels that was very 'you are underestimating me').

Also still so very bored with this extremely obvious triple cross. I presume we will finally get around to the payoff in Absolute Power #4. (Let Cissie and Sienna go home)

Outsiders #11: This has been an interesting comic. I'm still not sure how much of a difference it would have made to label this 'Planetary'. What I enjoyed was Kate and Luke getting some page time. I'm unconvinced that what we need is an Authority reboot centred around the Bats (I cringed at the "Lucius Fox to be the Doctor! Luke Fox to be the Engineer!" stuff) but I don't hate the idea of an Authority reboot, especially if they give it teeth. If you're doing the Authority can I have Jack Hawksmoor mentoring Cameron Kim instead thanks.

Zatanna: Bring Down the House #4: the art on this title remains super pretty. It's really an interesting rewrite of Zee's history

The Warlord #69: This week in the lost land of Skartaris, everyone is finally heading back to the present from Wizard World.

Of course, it goes wrong.

...

...

bahahahhahahahahaha oh Dan Jurgens you clearly didn't have any decent reference images

The best bit, beyond the incredibly tall buildings in the middle of the water of Circular Quay, or the surprise mountains coming out of the water around Kirribilli, or the fact that Blues Point Tower is apparently 3x taller than it actually is (while still being an eyesore) is that Travis and Shakira have ended up in a future where, to my eye, Fort Denison was never constructed on Pinchgut Island.

This means nothing to anyone not heavily steeped in history of the settlement of Sydney but just trust me that it is very VERY funny in terms of what it means that Travis is just lying there on the rocks.

That's because even in this weird badly photoreferenced Sydney, Shakira, you are currently on what's essentially one of the most desolate rock islands in the centre of the harbour and from that sun it looks like if the fort was actually still there it would be closed for the day.

You might get to see Benny the seal though.

They then proceed to walk on water to get to the city, because even if this WAS on the north shore of the harbour they clearly aren't walking to Chatswood.

Travis finds the city to be incredibly empty and wonders if the Cold War suddenly got hot in his absence. But then! Travis gets jumped by some of Abe Saffron's boys and girls in a deeply amusing conglomeration of 80s fashion and space age dressing. So glad to see recognition of Sydney's underworld in an American comic. (They don't specify they're working for old Abe but you know. I can read into these things)

So they proceed to walk south in Australia heading for Melbourne so they can fly or sail to Antarctica and the hole to enter the centre of the earth. It's racist in places and has a farm that's raising wombats and I cannot take any of it seriously, but I am so amused.

[thegeminisage]

star trek: the motion picture rewrite

star trek the motion picture was bad so i'm fixing it. here's how

problem #1: everybody got interesting setups and nobody got any payoffs.

problem #2: ilia and decker were just not that interesting (sorry ilia and decker) and they either needed to be more interesting or have less screen time or both.

problem #3: it took more than half the film for the enterprise to even leave earth. this seems like poor pacing, which the overall film also suffers from.

problem #4: those damn 20-minute cgi scenery sequences. enough is enough.

sorry in advance but this post won't make much sense if you haven't seen the first star trek movie, "star trek: the motion picture." i don't have the time or patience to re-explain the entire plot! the novelization also ties into this but i do explain some of that.

MAIN PLOT

it wasn't a GREAT plot but i'm keeping it mostly the same, except a few changes:

the enterprise leaves much earlier in the film. all the interpersonal drama can happen ON THE WAY to v'ger and it would make very little difference to the main script and series of events, but the reminds that they're only x hours away from interception would help keep things tense and moving along. also, it would get spock in here earlier. we went a LONG time without seeing him.

the engines can still fail at the outset and get fixed by spock, but it's kind of weird that he shows up out of nowhere. i would change this to kirk leaving him messages - and spock finally answering at the exact right moment (more on this in spock's section)

less of those long cgi sequences, obviously. the enterprise deserves all the fanfare in the world but we do have other stuff to do. maybe we can learn a little about v'ger through the ilia-probe in bits and pieces before we get there rather than learning all at once at the end - the book sort of did that and it was better. but i think we just need to cut them to allow time for a LITTLE more interpersonal drama - the balance of interpersonal stuff to plot stuff was WAY off, even after you consider how the tos episodes are somtimes

i don't think decker should fuck the probe.

the book and movie seem to disagree on whether the ilia-probe really "is" ilia or a very convincing copy. i think we would do better to leave it open, as scifi so often is, because both answers feel slightly wrong to me

kirk just taking the ship at the end and going "ok thattaway" was heartwarming but lacks any semblance of logic. rather than beaming down to debrief, though - in case they don't let him go back up - i'd like to see him doing a power move where the required personnel for his debrief come to HIM. and THEN when the dust clears he can go "thattaway"

CHARACTER ARC: KIRK

there's a lot more on this in the book than the movie, but kirk begins this story three years post his five year journey. in the movie he's framed as "washed up" but the book sometimes implies he's "damaged." starfleet offered him the promotion to admiral to keep him out of space because his was the first ship to come back relatively intact after a five-year and they're using him as a poster boy for their pro-space propaganda. (kirk wholly disagrees with "intact"; he lost a total of 94 crew members over those five years and objects strongly to his new legendary fame.) it's worth noting that bones begged him NOT to take the promotion and he and some other officers actually RESIGNED over it.

also, for the first year back on earth, starfleet totally just SENT HIM A WOMAN? to like keep him distracted and "happy." he got honeypotted into not going back out into space. how many planets have tried to trap people by making them happy? how many times has kirk refused to stay in such a place because it leaves him nothing to strive for? and then, irony of horrific ironies, he was trapped on earth. he doesn't realize this woman was basically sent to pacify him until the very beginning of the film/book. anyway, this woman's name is lori, she's gonna matter just a little bit later. after she left, kirk got pushed into a desk job he was utterly fucking miserable in. he notes that it was the only time he ever ignored bones's advice and he suffered greatly for it.

when the "intruder" (v'ger, obvs) is revealed to be approaching earth (via brain implants? stupid, let's just switch to everyone seeing it on TV), kirk, for totally normal reasons, jumps at the chance to take the enterprise away from decker ostensibly because he's got more experience but also because (the book gets into this) he feels like he's been jerked around on a string for the last three years by the admirals (specifically he names nogura to give us a face but they were all in on it) and also that he's totally dead inside. he has to guilt trip bordering on BLACKMAIL nogura into letting him back aboard (ie bringing up the fact that he placated kirk with a woman and sweet promises instead of like...actually caring about his PTSD). we're keeping that part because it's sexy and fun.

the question the movie seems to be asking is, "is jim kirk too old and feeble to captain the enterprise again?" i would like to posit instead we go with "is jim kirk too DAMAGED to captain the enterprise again?" they really put him through the wringer in season 3 in particular and that total nervous breakdown from the romulan espionage episode was supposed to have been REAL before they changed it, so i'm sticking it in that three year timeskip instead. in the book, jim fucks up several times - can't figure out his seatbelt, gets lost, and notably fails to be able to save his former honeypot lori and his new vulcan first officer (off-brand spock) during a transport malfunction - they get rearranged horrifically and then die right in front of him. rather than frame this as jim being old and out of practice i'd like to frame it around the totally untreated PTSD of space and his five-year finally catching up to him.

the book ALSO gets into how jim feels more at home in space, how being away from it gives him physical symptoms almost like withdrawal, and how he felt he has been brought back from the dead and out of a miserable, meaningless life when stepping aboard for the first time. IMPORTANT FOR LATER.

at the same time though i think we might greatly benefit from mixed feelings - perhaps JIM HIMSELF has wondered if he was too damaged to get back out there - if, after everything, part of him wasn't a little hesitant to go back out into the unknown and risk putting himself through the kind of hell he got put through in some of those later tos episodes. maybe he wanted the captaincy to prove it to himself, yes, but also it was something he was determined to do (even though part of him was a little worried about doing it) because he thought he was the only one that COULD. there's a hidden element in this film of facing one's fears to benefit emotionally, so it would be important to squeeze something like this in, even if it's only in hints or light implications.

the ultimate answer to jim's question of course is that he ISN'T too damaged to be back out in space, especially not if spock and bones and the others are out there with him. but to get into that we have to move to...

CHARACTER ARC: DECKER AND ILIA

i'm putting these 2 together because (sorry) i don't care very much. side characters in trek are always supposed to just highlight the main characters anyway, right? again, i'm so sorry. anyway so. in the movie and especially the book, ilia is pretty constantly sexualized - deltan females and their pheromones or whatever - and she has very little personality. decker is mostly just mad (justifiably) that kirk stole his job after 18 months of prep and sad that ilia got zapped, but we feel neither of these things very strongly. the movie doesn't even MENTION decker's father killing himself in space* which is a huge waste of potential when you consider the name of the game re: kirk's arc, at least in the book, is PTSD.

*matt decker, will decker's father, is the captain from doomsday machine (consider this a spoiler warning): when a giant machine showed up and engaged in battle with his ship, the constellation, he evacuated his crew to a nearby planet and stayed behind, planning to go down with the ship. unfortunately the machine was a planet-eater, and ate the planet his crew was on, so his crew all died while he listened to them beg him for help, and he later tried to suicide bomb the machine with the enterprise and then later one of its shuttles, which tragically ended in his mostly-pointless death. kirk did at least use the idea to suicide bomb the machine with the damaged constellation and have himself beamed out just in time though, and he had the record made that matt decker died in the line of duty, omitting some of his shadier actions so as not to stain his memory or whatever.

ANYWAY, i think the only way to make decker and ilia interesting is to foil them with kirk and spock. decker is who kirk was before his five-year: smart, capable, ready to take on anything and chomping at the bit to get out there and bite off as much as he can chew and then some. also, he's emotionally distant from women because of his status as captain/his need to not be tied down so he can explore space.

ILIA on the other hand is more like spock - she has limited telepathic abilities, she is othered and sometimes sexualized by the people around her because of her VULCAN BIOLOGY sorry because of her race, and she has a passion for learning and pursuits of intellect. and also a semi-formal telepathic link with decker - they had met before, and were preparing to bond (the way a vulcan might), and then decker more or less got cold feet and left her at the altar because his own passion for being in space left him unable to commit. but she WENT AFTER HIM (important for later) and wound up as the enterprise navigator.

for decker, instead of showing kirk up once near the beginning, apologizing, and gradually learning to get along with him, i think i'd like him to be showing kirk up a lot - being subtly snide when kirk can't work his seatbelt, for example. this film has no real antagonist aside from an incomprehensible alien entity, but we could bring a little humanity to it by having decker justifiably resent not only being confronted with ilia again but also having his captaincy snatched away from him after EIGHTEEN. MONTHS. of prep. that's some serious bullshit.

but, while decker IS younger and more familiar with the enterprise's redesign, while he's had more recent space hours and suffers from none of kirk's PTSD, what he lacks is experience - this was the whole basis of kirk taking the fucking ship to begin with, and the movie as it is kind of totally invalidates that plot point. to that end, near the end of the film when they're in v'ger, i would make a bigger deal out of kirk knowing better than to perform the scan - because that's what got the klingons killed (when v'ger interpreted their scan as hostile). decker, shaken, realizes his own hasty decision would have resulted in all of them dying horrifically, and rather than kirk grudgingly respecting decker first, we get it the other way around - decker grudgingly respecting kirk, and kirk returning that respect after decker stops being an asshole. this does the job of helping the AUDIENCE respect kirk after spending so much time wondering if he was indeed too washed up and damaged to do the job, and it helps to begin to warm us up to decker too.

also, it would be fun to have decker overhear bones arguing with kirk or spock or even talking to chapel or something, to know that kirk was thought too washed up EVEN BY THE ADMIRALS (who decker does respect bc he doesn't know better yet), and then for decker to realize later kirk got jerked around - and maybe realize, once he begins to see kirk as a person instead of an obstacle, that something like that might be in his own future even if he succeeds in almost every possible way, as kirk had. we might even use this to get into decker's dad basically killing himself after losing his crew - it can go other ways than right for captains. it can also go so, so, so wrong. (this would require some exposition, though, since we can't expect everyone to have both seen the episode and remember the details.)

another moment that wasn't used to its full potential is when decker basically has to honeypot the ilia probe - this is extremely difficult on him emotionally, and kirk knows all about the perils of emotionally difficult honeypot missions (sorry that i'm linking to this twice). i think decker realizing kirk has done this same kind of thing like a zillion times and that's part of what led to his breakdown gives him respect not just for KIRK but for the position of captain itself - he would have no choice but to do this to protect 500 lives, if it were him. you don't get to tap out when you're captain. and this is good for kirk too, because in sympathizing with decker (and the horrific situation of having to honeypot the image of his dead lover) he can learn to sympathize with himself, and forgive himself for being at less than his best during his own worst moments - some of them during the five-year, some of them after, when he felt weak and without purpose. it also gives him the job of connecting the audience to decker - through him, through thinking of decker as a younger version of him, we can forgive decker for being an asshole earlier and sympathize with his pain. and he becomes someone we root for.

as for ilia - i think she should have gotten to yell at decker rather than passively act like he wasn't even there and hide her pain. her pain at being left behind and betrayed and having to find her own way could mirror spock's (more on this in a sec) but it could also mirror v'ger and its abandonment issues, even though she was abandoned by a boyfriend and not god. there's only so much you can do with truly misogynistic writing but she could've been likable!! her sitch and spock's are the same and she gets to complain while he refuses! even one iota of a personality would have helped so much.

ALSO, on that point, at least one conversation between her and spock would have done a lot to make her more interesting too, because then she would be adjacent to him. spock, too, left his home planet to chase after a space captain he was in um a relationship with, and that bit of kinship ("your answers are not here") could lead to a bonding moment - i think spock would respect what she's doing and that would lend her a lot of credit in the eyes of the audience. much like v'ger, much like spock, ilia has left her home to find out who she is, and part of that answer lies within emotion, within the people she loves: in this case, decker. i would also, if we HAVE to fridge her (DO WE?? more on this in the ending section), choose to have her take a blow meant for decker - her last act being one of love, because the film IS ultimately about love's importance, even in spite of all the pain it also causes (see: decker in his grief).

which leads us to...

CHARACTER ARC: BONES

we have to have a brief interlude here for bones. unfortunately, bones in this movie is little more than an extremely loveable afterthought. while fixing his ENTIRE deal is out of the scope of this tumblr post, what i WOULD do is give him more screentime by having both his AND spock's lives upended by the same event: kirk, the Main Character(tm), choosing to take the admiral stripes and "abandon" them.

i think theres enough evidence in tos to argue the case that bones places a lot of importance on jim and spock's lives - he claims to hate space, but he never resigns, and he finds meaning in taking care of them, even if (to my own interpretation), he can sometimes feel like a third wheel to their legendary "friendship" (so legendary that it's historically important both in-universe and in real life). when kirk agrees to "retire" and let starfleet make him their poster boy because he has PTSD and burnout, bones CANONICALLY objects to what starfleet is trying to do to him so strongly that he literally resigns. again, kirk notes in the book that "retiring" is the only time he ever ignored bones's advice and he came regret it deeply. so kirk needs bones back - in the book, he says outright he needs bones back because he, gaslit, cannot trust himself to be making solid calls emotionally, and he wants bones to call him out if he steps out of line.

for fun, i think bones should be a little more pissed about being "drafted" and like genuinely grumpy rather than fond and gruff - at least, until kirk apologizes. he tells bones all about being yanked around by the admirals and being honeypotted and how much he regretted not listening to his advice...and the gaslighting, not bones's medical expertise, is why kirk feels he needs bones now - why all of earth needs him, because this is a mission to save the entire planet. i think bones LOVES to be needed and especially by jim and/or spock, and he of course has a natural desire to caretake, so after the apology he could soften up to "gruff." he found meaning in what he was doing on earth, but he finds meaning in this too, and kirk telling him that of COURSE he can leave if he wants solidifies his decision to stay, even at the end of the film when the immediate threat has passed. put simply: he loves kirk and spock, and, like them, he wants the three of them to stay together, even though they previously broke his heart.

i think also that once spock comes aboard this gives bones a second job, which is to poke holes in spock's outward unemotional demeanor, which he genuinely is doing from a place of love (since it was bones who said the release of emotions is healthy). instead of standing around and being a lovable and nostalgic set piece, this would give him an actual purpose and an arc, even if his arc (healing spock via negging, healing jim via not gaslighting people) is holding up the other characters.

and speaking of spock...

CHARACTER ARC: SPOCK

post five-year, spock goes back to vulcan to undergo the kolinahr, a ritual meant to purge all remaining emotion from vulcans. he does this because he detests his human half and the many weaknesses and challenges it brings him etc etc but i also would like it if he does this because kirk retires - he has no logical, ready-made excuse to be around kirk and bones anymore, and just like kirk, he truly felt at home on the enterprise, where people valued him for his skill and what he could do rather than what he was (or wasn't). (this sentiment from spock is semi-canonical - it's in william shatner's tarsus iv novel, collision course.) kirk and bones are both an important part of his support system and it is crumbling without any way to save it - of COURSE he chooses not to feel emotion rather than face that pain. every human being ever has wished at some point or another they could numb themselves rather than hurt, and spock is half human, too. (that said, i would also not complain if kohlinahr was spock's way to escape the trauma of what the five-year did to HIM, making him feel emotions differently than what he believed was acceptable, changing him fundamentally as a person, and kirk only agreed to resign because space wasn't worth it without spock aka because he got dumped, but this is a minor detail.)

while on vulcan, kirk, equally adrift, sends him messages (this does admittedly make more sense if kirk only resigned because spock did) - but spock is potentially kind of mad at him (if kirk resigned first) and also trying not to feel anything, so he ignores those and goes out into the desert to get rid of all his gross icky feelings. when the masters read his mind and see that jim accidentally contacted him telepathically (which...girl WHAT was that all about did they bond fr during amok time) and that "his answer is not here," he reads or listens to all the messages at once (maybe including the deleted one spock prime had from aos...ouch), gets emotional (or resists, but it's a near thing), and realizes that if he can't purge kirk from his mind he has to at least find out why. the last message can be about the intruder (v'ger) and their fucked up engines, spock can feel reluctant concern and race to the rescue.

spock is initially very very cold to his old shipmates because he is trying to hold onto his logic and not allow the emotion back in his mind, but absolutely nobody is having this. like in the movie, kirk and bones drag him away to the lounge to interrogate him (he should admit to feeling kirk telepathically here just as he did in the book - i don't know that i'd go into the whole bond business in this movie because that's just writing fanfiction and is also a lot of exposition but i would never deny fanfic writers their fodder).

later, after talking with ilia, who did a brave thing (in spock's eyes, anyway, because he is terrified of what HE'S doing) by chasing down her man to give him an earful, spock is troubled, which prompts bones to start going IS THAT AN EMOTION I SEE MR SPOCK? (and make him more troubled). i think spock grieves ilia's death in his own way because of how much like him she is, or was. all of this culminates in his choice to attempt to mind-meld with v'ger, in the end - if he isn't a human and isn't a vulcan, WHAT is he? if he can't live with the emotion and he can't purge it, what is he supposed to do? if he dies in the mindmeld so be it, but at least he will have been useful - iirc, i think it was roddenberry or leonard nimoy who said that was always a primary motivation of his.

of course, AFTER the mindmeld, he does indeed realize that logic is pointless without emotion, and that he's been adrift not BECAUSE of his emotions but because of his refusal to deal with them and his refusal to feel. so spock, too, will decide to stay at the end of the film.

side bar on the scene where spock cries for v'ger: it's kind of dumb because v'ger is so unknowable. i think spock crying could be a bigger deal - maybe with happiness, as he holds jim's hand, or maybe when he thinks they're all gonna die (kirk says when he sees spock crying "it's not for us" but like what if it was though). i'd prefer him to cry after he finishes laughing post mindmeld of course but either instance could work.

and finally...

THE ENDING

i don't mind the ending in its plot - that v'ger really was just looking for its creator, as a child looks for its parent - but i really want the question of whether or not the probe IS ILIA to remain open. if you make an exact copy of a person that truly believes it is the original, is it? if it's indistinguishable from who ilia used to be even to itself, is it ilia? i like leaving this open because i DON'T like fridging her, but i also think it stretches believability to have this machine magically extract a consciousness and put it in a robot when we had a whole episode of s1 revolve around this exact same plot twist (is chapel's now-android fiance really still her fiance just because he thinks he is?)

it should be spock's idea to have a human join with v'ger - it was the joining with humans that ultimately led to HIS feeling emotions he was unable to ignore, which ultimately led to his understanding and acceptance of emotion and its value in general. spock would see the ilia probe as still being ilia, but in distress, as he was when he came aboard the enterprise, as v'ger is now. and he knows what fixed him (holding jim's hand lol sorry i mean accepting his emotions) and what would fix her.

and then of course decker does join with her - volunteers, insists even. i think he takes the chance on optimism and hope - something kirk lost along the way due to various traumas - but also because this film is about the importance of love, and he can't bear to live without his, even in facsimile. it's partially a sacrifice too though - decker's life and body as he knows it in exchange for the earth's safety - because that's what kirk would have done, what he HAS done. he did learn from kirk after all.

and kirk learns from him too - decker, who by now will know about the awful years the brass put kirk through prior to the start of the film, would tell kirk to give 'em hell, like it's something that can actually be done, because at his heart he's an optimist, and that's something kirk sorely needs emotionally at this low point in his life. a very gen-z-saving0the-millennials moment. (apologies to both gen z and millennials.)

so after the dust has settled, kirk, who has just saved earth, can basically ask for anything he wants, and what he wants is not to get sent out to pasture again. so that leads into him refusing to leave the ship and letting the admirals and everyone else who wants to debrief him come to HIM instead of him going down - he finally has back what he needed, which was simply control and agency over his own life, and his loved ones - since spock and bones decided to stay aboard. i would have liked some challenging action moment prior to the ending with the ilia-probe and decker included, a moment to highlight that kirk has still got it (kind of like his badass moment in the deadly years where he saves the ship in .2 seconds once they cure his dementia). but insisting that they see v'ger directly and not deal with its probe is okay too.

FINALLY, after we've established that kirk is In Control again and not just like, stealing a starship, we can do his scene where he begins a new five-year mission, and when directing sulu, says, "out there - thattaway."

THEMES

HOPEFULLY this ties together the various themes and foils in everybody's arc - the main ones being the importance of dealing with emotions, even painful ones, the importance of love, and the question "who am i?" - the theme of seeking answers

kirk wants to know who he is - is he still a starship captain who braved the unknown and returned alive? he tried to numb himself (or rather starfleet tried to numb him) after his five-year mission with a woman and a desk job and it didn't help - he had to risk getting back out there to do himself any good at all.

spock asks if he is a vulcan or a human, and seeks to answer the question by purging emotion, but must answer it by accepting the emotion instead - and he learns this from v'ger, who is asking the same question and cannot answer it without emotion anymore than spock could. spock is and always will be both vulcan AND human and no amount of resistance on his part can change that.

bones feels adrift without loved ones to take care of - who is HE if kirk won't even listen to his advice not to "retire" - and of course he is someone who takes care of others. which is a little sad because it's not a deeper arc, but it sort of rhymes with his whole deal in tos and there ARE five other movies. there's also a little bit in there about being willing to try again after your heart's been broken, which is also something kirk and spock are struggling with, to have the trio's arc rhyming with each other.

decker asking who he is - is he a real captain or a psycho case like his dad and kirk, is he someone who could have been ilia's husband - and ilia wondering if she is someone who could have been his wife, and later the PROBE wondering if it's truly ilia or not. MORE questions that have to be answered by overcoming fear of emotional pain - decker takes the chance and joins with her to answer both his own question, and the probe's - and, of course, v'ger's.

THIS CONCLUDES. my movie rewrite. i am so glad to have gotten it off my chest, which is the main reason i wrote it, but i don't think it's terribly popular...so if you actually read this whole thing you're a rock star. okay BYE!!!

[delightfulcollectivetyphoon]

Don’t judge me!! I have an itch that needs scratching but Ghostface! Kirk stalking reader for weeks and finally decides to make a little visit. A little somnophilia? CNC maybe?? Idk all I think about is Ghostface Kirk breaking into the house and taking what he needs :(

yesyesyesyes

this is...an amazing ask

cws: stalking, dubcon, panty stealing, you can't have ghostface without his knife :3, that being said, some knifeplay, somno, choking kink, bondage

The office you worked at. Your gym. Your relatives' houses. He had been everywhere you had. He had been documenting your life for weeks; 7 and 4 days, to be exact. Hundreds of photos, unsent letters, and other paraphernalia littered his desk. His obsession with you began when he saw you in the record store on 5th. You were wearing casual clothes; sweatpants and a Hendrix tee. A claw clip barely held your hair together. Your Converse, falling apart at the seams and littered with various sharpie doodles. What caught his eye though, where your necklaces. 3 or 4 hung at various points down your chest. His first thought was how easy it would be for him to use them to choke you, winding the chains around his fist and yanking. Making you gag and splutter, only breathing when he allowed you to. He followed you home that day, a fixation festering deep within his heart.

Thats how he came to this point: staring at you through the sheer curtains that hung in your living room window. Eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he took a mental note of your every move. It was at least midnight before he saw you stand, set your dishes by the sink, and vanish into your hallway. He crept through the bushes lining the house and made his way to your bedroom window, pulling out the panties he had stolen from you a week ago. You were making your weekly grocery trip, accidentally leaving your door unlocked. He remembered rifling through your underwear drawer searching for the perfect pair. A pair of boyshorts caught his eye, black, with red seams. He twisted the fabric between his fingers before bringing them up to smell them. Lavender fabric softener. Too bad.

As you change into your pajamas, he subconsciously lowers his arm, grinding against your underwear. He gasps as the plastic ends of the strings on his pants dig into his erection, almost moaning aloud. He continues rubbing himself, but never takes himself out. He enjoys the ache, the want. He braces himself with a hand beside your window, his hips moving on their own. He knows he can't cum like this, but it gives him a rush, humping his hand like it's your cunt. He'll get the real thing soon enough. He sobers up long enough to slowly slide your window open, carefully climb through the frame, and make his way over to your bed without stepping on a loose board. It took all his willpower to not take you right then and there. It was the middle of summer, demonstrated by your skimpy clothing and lack of covers. He crept onto your bed, straddling your hip. He took a deep breath and slipped his Ghostface mask over his face. He started to grind on your thigh in time with your breathing, leaning to down to nose at your neck. He couldn't resist himself. He flicked his tongue just below your ear and caught a taste of sweat and what must've been your body wash. He nearly came at your taste alone, shuddering and gasping for air as he humped your thigh faster.

He could hear you mumble, stopping him instantly. How could he be so careless? Even in his dazed state, he remembered your restraints. He dug into his back pocket for the 2 sets of handcuffs he had brought. He leaned forward once again, knees digging into the mattress. The sudden shift caused you to wake, your groggy peripheral catching a shadow above you. You didn't have time to scream, he caught onto you immediately. A hand slammed over your mouth as you heard a click above your head. You looked to see your left hand in handcuffs, and your right in his grasp. You thrashed wildly, almost shoving him off the bed.

"Oh baby. You ain't gettin rid of me that easy."

Your eyebrows knit together, your eyes wide with fear. You stopped moving, recognizing him as the man you caught staring at you in the record shop a month ago. You had smiled at him, hoping he had just zoned out or something. He had given you an awkward grin and left, leaving you to speculate on what the hell kind of interaction it was. You had your answer. Your looked him up and down and found an oddly familiar piece of fabric dangling from his front pocket. Your underwear. He had been in your house before. The thought terrified you. He had been watching you for god knows how long. And you had no clue. Not until his face was a foot away from yours.

"You and I," click "are gonna have some fun, sweetheart." The second cuff locked you in place, holding fast.

You attempted to kick him off you, but instead got a razor-sharp knife to your jugular.

"Ah-ah baby. Be a good girl and stay still."

"Oh, nothing to say? 'Cause you seemed dead set on waking the whole neighborhood a minute ago."

"I-I'm sorry."

"You better be. Teasing me for 7 whole weeks, sweetheart. Going out in those slutty outfits to meet below average men. The sex wasn't even that good, baby."

Seeing no other option than to play his game, you responded with a "How'd you know?" You feared the answer, knowing what he was going to say.

"Those calls to... Ally? Or Alex. Wasn't really paying attention to her. Was a little more focused on why the fuck you thought any of those men where worth it."

Gulp. "Ally. I don't know w-why I liked them. They were rude and terrible in b-bed. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Close. I wanna hear why you're not with me. I'm not perfect but I'm a fucking gentleman compared to those apes. And baby. I'll make you scream."

In one swift move, he leaned back and pulled your shorts off, revealing your choice to go commando to beat the heat.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you wanted this. Ready for me to fuck you unconscious. Ready to tear that tight cunt open. Is that right?"

Your eyes watered, your throat hurt from trying to swallow a sob.

"y-yes."

Fuck! What the hell was that?

"That's right, angel."

To his dismay, your thinly chained necklaces had broken in your struggle, but it gave him a different opportunity. He laid a hand on your knee, pushing your legs open. He kneeled in between your thighs, and, using a hand by your shoulder to brace himself, leaned over you, his hand snaking up to your neck and his erection resting on your core. You could feel each other throbbing through the fabric of his sweatpants and the cotton of your panties. He stared at you, watching your meager attempts to free yourself, his thumb ghosting over your bottom lip all the way down to your collarbone.

He started to grind against you, his hand squeezing tighter. Every other thrust, the cloth would hit your clit just right, and you would whimper, desperate for attention.

"p-please!"

He grinned before undoing his sweats, maneuvering out of them before pulling his length out, pulling the waistband of his boxers just down far enough so it wasn't digging in. Moaning at just feeling of his hand, he pulled the crotch of your panties aside, touching the pad of his pointer finger to your clit soaking the digit in your arousal.

"Go ahead, taste it, angel."

He brought his finger up to your mouth, and you welcomed him.

"That's the taste of a girl who doesn't want to admit she enjoys being raped."

You nearly cried as you realized the weight of his statement.

Leaving you no time reflect, he slammed into you, tired of waiting. Your scream drowned out his moans, your throat nearly collapsing as he held you down by your windpipe. He set a brutal pace, barely giving you time to breathe as you came within the first 5 minutes. His other hand found his knife again and carefully traced the stretch marks and freckles littering your stomach and hips, digging in the slightest bit when one of you would cum. By morning, you had a sore throat, what felt like hundreds of hickies, and several scars. You were drifting back to sleep when your phone buzzed. No caller ID, but you could guess who it was.

so, you like scary movies?

================================================

uuuhbhhhhhhh yeah this one kinda sucks ass but i feel bad for not doing shit on this platform for like a month so here come get your garbage 😀👍

[dreamthinkimagine]

Half Human

For @zerozerozio

"You're not gonna admit, that for the first time in your life, you committed a purely human, emotional act?"

"No, Sir." Kirk chuckled.

"Mr. Spock, you're a stubborn man."

"Yes, Sir."

That conversation happened one hour before and Kirk still wanted to hear Spock say that he wasn't 100 percent Vulcan ALL the time. So when Kirk finally got him alone, he picked up the conversation where they left off. "Come on, Spock."

"I believe I have already conveyed my thoughts on the matter."

"I know you're not as serious as you try to be."

"An incorrect observation, Captain."

"You said you acted on desperation."

"It was -" Kirk stopped listening, trying to find a way to show it.

"Don't make me prove it to you."

"'Prove it', Captain?" Kirk walked around to him and poked his belly. Then pinched his side.

"Jim!" Truth be told, Jim suspected that Spock wanted to let go and emote sometimes - he was half human after all. The only things stopping him were witnesses - which Jim had already taken care of - and the 'feeling' of vulcan guilt.

"Come on, Spock," he said, starting to scratch. "Lighten up!"

"Captain," he said, squirming out of Kirk's grip. A look of internalized conflict shone on his face, and Jim couldn't help but stop as he looked upon his friend with such compassion. Maybe this wasn't the best way to deal with it.

"You're not always 'logic,' Spock. And that's okay."

"Jim," he said, "not for a vulcan."

"You're not all vulcan."

"Sometimes, I wish I was." Spock had suffered all his life on his planet. He was ridiculed by the other vulcan boys for not being a full vulcan and his human half cried because of it. He remembered his mother trying to comfort him, but that was a human thing. He vowed there and then that he would be a vulcan for life, then he wouldn't be different. He would fit in and no one could say anything about him again, so he repressed his human half.

He had almost succeeded in becoming "fully" vulcan until he was surrounded by humans on the Enterprise, then the cycle continued. He was an outsider again, and it was obvious to everyone. Especially him. The side that he wanted so hard to hide wanted to come out. But even if he wanted it to, he didn't know how to let it out. He'd ignored it for so long that he almost forgot that it existed.

"Spock?" Jim brought him out of his train of thought. "Spock, I'm not judging you."

"Captain?"

" I don't care that you're half vulcan, half human. You're my first officer and friend, I want you to be comfortable. If you decide to let your human side out, we won't judge you."

"And McCoy?"

"He teases because he cares," Jim said with a smirk. "He doesn't really think any less of you. I think he'd like to see it too." Spock took a moment to think and Jim held back from saying that letting go was logical. It wasn't the time to make that kind of joke. "You don't have to feel ashamed. Do you look down on me? For my humanity?" Spock immediately straightened out, looking at him.

"Of course not, Captain."

"Then why look down on yourself?" Spock looked away again. "This isn't Vulcan," Jim said. There was a silence for a few seconds, broken when Spock took a breath.

"Will you help me?" Spock asked as he turned to face Jim.

"To be human? What do you want me to do?"

"Perhaps what you were doing earlier would be a good place to start." Jim smiled and started attacking his ribs.

And as he stood there, laughing, Spock realized that maybe being half human wouldn't be so bad after all.

[tazaryoot]

Star Trek Novel Review

Black Fire by Sonni Cooper (1983)

Hi there, this is my first review of a Star Trek novel! I’ve recently begun collecting them, and figured I’d share my thoughts and post excerpts which I find interesting. There’s not a whole lot of information on these novels online, so I hope my summaries are sufficient. Please forgive any poor description or bad photo. I don’t know how often or how many I’ll do of these reviews, but my local used book store has a pretty large collection which I occasionally buy from, so they’ll be as I read and collect more.

Summary :

After an explosion on the bridge that left the Enterprise crew in critical condition, Spock sets out to investigate what he thinks was a planned attack by an unknown enemy force. Spock pursuades Scotty to accompany him on a discreet mission to track down a lead they found while searching the crime scene- leading them to be captured by the tenacious Tomarii who had baited them and two other ships, one Romulan and one Klingon. Spock and Scotty are imprisoned and put through inhumane trials to further the Tomarii’s development and must make allies of their fellow prisoners. Spock befriends Romulan Commander Julina, who cares for Spock while he is still recovering from wounds inflicted by the explosion. Jealousy over Julina’s feelings for Spock causes their Tomarii capturor IIsa to kill Julina. Spock is then forced to endure the cruel punishment and enslavement from Begum IIsa until the Enterprise come to their rescue. Spock and Scotty are up for trial due to illegally seizing a starship for their discreet mission, and Spock for having notifying the Romulans of the Tomarii threat- a last wish of Julina’s he had promised to fulfill upon her death. Spock and Scotty face court martialling and are sentenced; Scotty to a year of service on a starbase and a loss of rank, and Spock to 5 years in prison for treason and theft and complete stripping of his recruitment at Starfleet. Spock then arrives in prison and makes fast friends with his Romulan cellmate Desus after an altercation with a violent prisoner. They both manage to escape prison, and Desus invites Spock to live among his band of pirates on a hidden planet. Spock is eventually forced to join up with Desus, and become notorious pirates, with Spock adopting the nickname “Black Fire”, for his attire of clothes made with a special translusive black fabric and jeweled earring. After saving two women from becoming victims of a rival pirate, Black Fire gains celebrity as a Casanova type criminal with fans and devoted poetry being written about him. (Yes, where are we going with all this?) A brief run in with the Enterprise occurs, where Kirk recognises Spock as the Black Fire, but Spock is quickly rescued by Desus, who then takes him to Romulus. Desus exposes himself as Supreme Commander of a ship under the Romulan Empire, and offers Spock a role as his first officer. Spock agrees, and finds himself becoming closer and closer to Desus, resembling a similar relationship to his and Kirk’s. Eventually things come to a head when the Tomarii threat returns and they run into the Enterprise. Spock then convinces Desus and Kirk to ally in order to defeat the Tomarii together- much to the discomfort and heartbreak of Kirk and the Enterprise crew, seeing Spock now on the enemy side. Together, the two ships take down the Tomarii and Spock attempts to instigate a peace agreement between the Federation and Romulan Empire. This proves to be a ruse and Spock returns in a shuttlecraft on his own, urging Kirk to take the Enterpise out of the current territory because he deciphered code that indicated a planned Romulan attack on them. Kirk hesitantly takes his warning, still distrusting of Spock’s alliegance to the Romulan Empire. Spock senses an issue with the Enterprise, which is quickly disregarded by Kirk, only for his intuition to be true. Kirk releases Spock to repair the issue, much to the dismay of the new replacement officers. Once all is settled, Spock reveals he had never intentionally been a traitor and that this whole escapade was a secret undercover mission assigned to him by Starfleet. Both him and Scotty were dropped of all charges and everything is back to normal. Yippie! The story ends with McCoy teasing Spock about a romantic poetry book written about the “Black Fire”, and Spock removing his earring to give it to McCoy as a memento.

Review :

(CW For mentions of Self Harm, Suicide)

This is the first Star Trek novel I have ever completed (I’m also reading Revenant by Alex White at the moment). I picked it up sometime last year purely based upon the pulp-y cover art, and ended up finishing it in about just two days. The plot was a bit of a head scratcher at times for how out of character a lot of it was and the reveal at the end (though expected), was kind of frustrating. A good majority of this book was rather unpleasant, drawn out Spock torture à la Tomarii capturors and inhumane prison conditions. Not fun, Spock nearly starves to death and attempts suicide via stabbing only 1/3 of the way in and routinely gets attacked and beaten. It gets pretty grim for a Star Trek book. There is some very nice comraderie between Scotty and Spock though, which is pretty cool to see since they are rarely given time together onscreen. The novel almost treads the line of a romance between Spock and the imprisoned Romulan Commander Julina, but its pretty one sided on her half and Spock seems to just respect and care for her well being. Julina dies pretty soon after anyways. The book also mentions a previous, perhaps romantic(?) run in between Spock and a different Romulan officer, but then she gets blown up and dies too. I’m sensing a pattern here…

Now, for the part more people probably care about,

The Spirk review :

At the beginning Kirk is lying unconsious after a major surgery and Spock angrily forces the nurses out of the room so he can mind meld with Kirk in private and ease his pain.

While Spock and Scotty are held captive, Starfleet assigns new officers to a very hesitant Kirk. Over the course of the novel Kirk struggles to befriend his new first officer, who at one point goes to McCoy for help. McCoy bluntly tells him its no use because he isn’t Spock.

Kirk spends most of the book worrying about Spock and feeling hurt. One particular moment while he’s lying in bed has him thinking deeply about their relationship:

And another where he’s reminded of Spock while speaking to his new first officer :

K/S’s last convo before Spock is sent to jail :

Kirk also visits Spock while he’s in jail…

The strange thing about this novel is Spock’s budding friendship with Desus, which he repeatedly relates to his feelings for Kirk. This seems like the most out of character aspect of Spock here, it’s hard to conceive of anything rivaling his feelings for Kirk. In the book it’s explained away by their Vulcan/Romulan similarities.

While meeting on opposing sides, Kirk is fraught with heart break, which McCoy acknowledges and even gets angry at Spock for.

Kirk has another moment to himself while hearing Spock speaking over intercoms.

A bit later Kirk and Spock get a moment to speak alone while still on opposite sides. Kirk speaks with the cattiness of someone who was cheated on.

I was expecting a much grander consolation at the end for Kirk, but it wrapped up too quickly for much exchange. He does make a comment about how Spock looks fit in a Romulan uniform though.

Conclusion:

Well, all in all I find the novel a bit hard to place on any scale or rating. It was entertaining despite some annoyances- like being Spock torture simulator and the undeserved ‘It was planned all along’ ending. In any case, Spock was wearing a dangly bejewelled earring for much of the book so I can’t complain…

[calliecat93]

It's been pretty interesting watching Spock and McCoy so far during this rewatch. I'm on The Naked Time now, so it's been around five episodes (McCoy's not in the Gary episode, so no point in counting it). Thus far, they've usually interacted at least one per episode, but those scenes are fairly short. They're usually shown interacting with Kirk moreso than anyone else. So when it comes to analyzing their relationship and development, there isn't a lot to comb through compared to later on. But that doesn't mean that there isn't anything at all.

So far they aren't really arguing much. McCoy's made a few jokes about Spock's differing physiology, but not in a malicious or racist way that I think some like to make it out as. You can see the humor he has in his demeanor whenever he does. Heck, he genuinely said he'd love to teach Spock poker without any hint of sarcasm or grumpiness. If anything, we have Spock emphasizing how he's delighted that he differs from humans, both physiologically and mentally. He's just as capable of dishing it out as he is able to take it. I mean, watch him in Mudd's Women and how annoyed/amused he is with the men's gaping and him outright saying at the end that the whole ordeal was 'a 'most annoying emotional episode'. I mean, he's not wrong, but still... anyway! You get a feel of how things are going to develop with them, but we're in that early development stage, so things are still being figured out. They don't really like nor dislike each other yet... but probably find each other annoying to deal with XD

The only episode so far where the two have had a serious argument is The Enemy Within, and I think it's pretty interesting when you look at it. They have two major scenes. The first time is when they've caught Bad Kirk and Spock breaks down how without it, the Good Kirk is losing his ability to command. He says it in such a blunt, almost tactless way that comes across as him talking about a science experiment than Kirk's current ordeal. Which he himself points out, so he's not blind to it not to mention that it's his job to point these things out to the captain as his first officer and Kirk outright told him to speak up if he saw him slip. But it can still come across as Spock being an insensitive asshole questioning his commanding officer and exacerbating his current struggle, and that's clearly how McCoy took it. He gets mad because Spock is talking like Kirk is some kind of subject to be analyzed and questioning his command at the same time. You do NOT do that around Leonard McCoy. That being said, after a bit and when Kirk talk to him about how he's struggling, McCoy admits that Spock was right, but actually eases and comforts Kirk and lets him process his fears and self-doubt. This is why he's the one who handles these kinds of situations regarding Kirk, not Spock. That's going to be important for episodes such as Consciousness of the King and Obsession, so we'll put a pin in that.

The other argument is over whether to allow Kirk to go through the transporter or not after seeing that the merge could kill him. Spock says yes, reasoning that it had to be shock and that Kirk, having the intelligence to control the fear, will be fine and in any case the landing party can't hold out much longer. While Spock isn't wrong, they haven't done an autopsy yet and thus can't pinpoint a cause of death. Thus, he is asking for Kirk to risk his life essentially because he said so and is therefore right. McCoy gets pissed off about this. It's only a theory and if it's wrong, what then? Kirk dies, and the landing party can't be beamed up, meaning they're dead anyway. Now of course a large part of it is McCoy unwilling to risk his best friend's life, even if that means the life of Sulu and several other officers, which is pretty damn cruel when you think about it. Mind you, IDT he's thought about that either, but inadvertently or not he's favoring Kirk's life over the crewmens, and that goes against Spock's job as first officer.

The whole thing is fueled by who Spock and McCoy are as people and their respective duties. McCoy sees Spock expositng and theorizing regarding the captain in a way that makes him come off like a real prick. Spock sees McCoy being overly emotional and having needless doubts in a cut and dry scenario, and the longer he goes on, the longer other lives are at stake. Neither one are necessarily wrong, either. They're both perfectly valid view-points, but they're both too stubborn to concede, and this is why we need Kirk around to be the wrangler.

In short, they're stubborn idiots who suck at communicating, and it ain't gonna get much better.

That's as far as they go in terms of notable interactions, but there are some other little moments worth looking at. One moment is also earlier in The Enemy Within where the interaction was off-screen, but it's still worth mentioning. After encountering the Bad Kirk and getting startled by his aggression, McCoy is understandably concerned. Maybe he thinks that he did something to upset the captain. Maybe there's something else going on that he’s not sure about but weary of further potentially angering Kirk. Who does he turn to? Spock. He asks him to go check on Kirk and while he likely thinks that McCoy is making a big deal out of nothing (furthered by him encountering the Good Kirk who legit didn't do anything) he does still go and do just that. Whatever they might feel towards one another, Spock and McCoy do take things regarding Jim very seriously. McCoy trusts Spock enough to reach out to him about his concerns and that Spock will look into it. Which again we'll stick a pin in for now.

It also should be noted how in The Man Trap, Spock realizes that the McCoy that they're with in the conference room isn't the real McCoy. Sure the fake McCoy's demeanor is more withdrawn, but with everything with Nancy it would be expected, which is likely why Kirk didn't pick up on it (well that and him in hardcore Captain Mode, but still). Otherwise, there's nothing screaming 'this isn't McCoy'. Spock though? He picks up on it. IDK how long they would have known each other at this point, but he knows how lively McCoy normally is. A man who is driven by emotion and never afraid to say what he thinks no matter who it was, whether you want to hear it or not. However he felt, he'd be putting some kind of fire into his words. It doesn't even react when Spock points out his 'reckless reasoning' where otherwise McCoy would have at least had some kind of remark to make back. Spock knows this. He is not used to that. Any of it. This isn't the same man that argued back at him when he was unwilling to risk Kirk's life on a 'theory' just a short time ago. He already knew the doctor enough to be certain of that. It got him a gash on the head for his troubles, but still.

So in this early point of the series, there may not be too much Spock/McCoy stuff going on, but what is there says a lot. Things are very much developing between them, but thus far they may have the occasional serious debate, but otherwise they treat each other civilly. If anything, it kind of feels like McCoy is trying to reach out to Spock and be on friendly terms with him. Being a snarky shit is the default way he goes about it clearly. Spock will very much emphasize how he's glad to differ so much from humans, but there's no trace of malice or anything behind it either. It's still early, they don't quite get each other yet and are prone to misgivings. I think the more that they do start to interact, the more they become willing to speak up either for or against each other and have more of the banter we're used to. Which also means that they'll become more comfortable around each other and have a genuine friendship and romantic feelings grow. We're in the 'getting to know each other' phase of the relationship, essentially. They're testing the waters, and it won't be much longer before they get rocked.

I also standby my belief that Spock has bubbling feelings for McCoy already and was totally jealous in Mudd's Women when he sees him gaping at the Mudd women. Not to mention the way he's listening to Kirk and McCoy talk about the women's attraction, when you'd think he'd dismiss it and focus on his work. He already has it bad and doesn't know it and has no idea why he keeps looking at this illogical, irksome, overly-emotional human.

[kirk-says-wah]

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐑𝐮𝐢𝐧 𝐈 𝐀𝐦 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟔

Pairing: poly!Met

TW: angst, hospitals

You can also read it here

Note: I promised I wouldn’t abandon this didn’t i? I hope this update was worth the wait. fyi, I know nothing about American law I’m just basing this off some cop shows I’ve seen 🤷‍♀️ Anyways I hope you enjoy let me know what you think!

“I don’t understand how this is going to help anything.”

Lars can feel frustration cling to his wrists, skinning the back of his neck as he peers up at the officer.

The man is tall, ginger sideburns and short, chopped hair, his police badge pride of place on his chest. Lars can’t help but feel a little inferior. He’s never really liked authority.

The cop sighs, crossing his arms as though it’s Lars’s fault he’s had to come all this way just to hit a dead end.

“I’ve still got to question him. He still broke the law.”

“You don’t know that,” Lars tries, petulant, though he knows full well it’s the truth. As much as it hurts, he knows Kirk was in the wrong. It settles on his chest, stiff and heavy, and for a moment he feels like he’s suffocating, the room blackening around the edges.

He sucks in a breath, wades back into reality and says, “what’s gonna make you change your mind?”

The officer just shakes his head at him, defiant, and Lars just wants to pull his hair out.

“It’s my job,” the officer says, though there’s a glint of sympathy in his eyes and the way his face softens.

“Well do your fucking job somewhere else,” Lars spits, shoving his hands into his pockets, his heartbeat loud in his ears. He doesn’t want to do this, he just wants to curl back in Kirk’s arms, knowing he’s safe. Kirk can’t go to prison. He can’t. He just won’t survive.

The officer doesn’t look taken aback by Lars’s outburst, but he sighs heavily, shifting on his feet.

“Look, I’ve just got to ask some questions, let him know what’s going on, and then I’ll be out your way.”

Lars knows he’s already lost the battle, so he blows out a breath, rubbing at his eyes.

“Will you at least give me a minute to prepare him?”

The officer blinks at him, eyebrows twitching.

“Fine.”

— —

Lars doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to be the one who has to break it to the others that reality is about to come back to bite them in the ass.

None of them have really gotten into this much trouble before, and it makes Lars anxious as he pushes the door open.

He first spots Kirk, sitting up in bed with a hand around his middle, doing his best to look okay when he probably feels like shit.

Jason is beside him, their hands entwined, and Lars would feel a bit of hope at the sight if his anxiety wasn’t already eating him alive. He can almost feel the cop’s eyes on him from outside the room.

He must look a right state because Jason’s eyes widen, sitting back.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, voice thick.

Lars makes a frustrated noise, wishing he could just trade places with Jason and hold Kirk’s hand instead of telling him he’s going to prison.

“The police are here,” he finally says, voice hurt and sympathetic.

James moves, Lars hadn’t even realised he was awake, pulling him in closer by the wrist, and Lars goes gladly, the feeling of James’s hand grounding him.

“What? Why?”

It’s Kirk that says it, eyes bleary and cheeks red, hanging onto Jason’s hand like a lifeline.

Lars doesn’t know how to answer, he doesn’t want to be the one to break the bad news.

He just lets James nose at his stomach before kissing it gently through his tshirt, and he bends down in turn to press a kiss to James’s forehead.

He pulls away then, and Jason pulls away from Kirk, obviously sensing they’re about to have company.

There’s a knock at the door and then they’re not alone anymore.

“Mr Hammett?” the officer asks as he opens the door.

Lars looks over at Kirk, notices the vulnerable look on his face. He just wants to go over there and comfort him, hold his hand. But he knows he can’t.

Instead he just pulls a chair up next to Jason, itching to just reach out and touch.

“Yeah,” Kirk says after a moment, his cheeks blooming with colour.

“We’d like to ask you a few questions,” the cop says, pulling out a small notebook. “Do you remember where you were driving too?”

It’s a stupid question when Kirk can’t remember the accident at all. Kirk goes to shake his head, but must think better off it for he just responds with a small no.

The officer nods, scribbling something down.

“And do you remember going through the stop sign?”

“No,” Kirk says, voice wobbly. “I don’t remember anything.”

The officer quirks an eyebrow, jotting something in his notepad. Lars almost pulls it out of his hands and tears it up. None of this is helpful when Kirk doesn’t even know what day it is.

“Am I being arrested?” Kirk finally squeaks, hands balling into the sheets.

Lars’s chest halts and he can feel Jason stiffen next to him.

“No,” the officer says, and Lars breathes, slumping back into his chair. “The person you hit isn’t pressing charges.”

Odd. Lars wonders why that is. Maybe the other guy isn’t as hurt, maybe he knows that it’s Kirk that hit him. It’s definitely something Lars is going to find out.

“The state penalty for dangerous driving is still being enforced though,” the officer says, flipping his notepad shut.

“What does that mean?” Jason asks, sitting forward in his chair.

“It means because Kirk was driving high on cocaine, his license will be revoked and he’ll have to agree to some steps to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

If the cop knows Kirk was driving high, then his labs must have came back, confirming what Lars didn’t want to hear.

He feels guilty, like this is all his fault. He knew they should never have left Kirk in that state. He just wasn’t with it, wasn’t in the right state of mind to be doing anything.

Lars scrubs a hand over his face, tries to will his beating heart to calm down.

“That’s all I need for now. I’ll be in touch,” the officer says before nodding at them and leaving them alone.

James lets out a long breath of air, slumping down on the end of the bed.

Kirk hasn’t said anything in a few minutes, and Lars looks over at him, worried.

“You okay?” he asks softly, leaning forwards on the bed. James rubs a palm over Kirk’s thigh gently.

“I nearly killed someone,” Kirk says, eyes wide and void, looking between them lifelessly.

“You don’t know that,” Lars tries to reason. It’s true, maybe Kirk got the worse end of the deal here. Maybe the guy is already out of the hospital.

Kirk sniffs, wincing as a sharp pain lances through his head. A stiff hand comes up to touch at his forehead, dimpling the bandage across his head.

“At least you’re not going to jail,” James offers, face soft, thumbing over Kirk’s thigh.

Kirk sighs, rubbing at his nose before pulling the blankets up higher.

“I’m going to sleep,” he says, closing his eyes, shutting them out.

None of them say anything, but James sighs, jumping off the bed to sit next to Lars.

Jason looks lost in thought, a crease lining his eyebrows, and Lars wants to ask him what’s wrong. But he knows what’s wrong. One of his lover’s doesn’t even remember him.

Lars reaches across, squeezes his hand anyway.

Jason just gives a flicker of a smile.

— —

It’s cold outside, the asphalt icy under the crunch of his sneakers.

He’s outside the front, just breathing, trying to regain his footing as he tries to make sense of everything that’s happened.

He keeps feeling like he’s losing Kirk, can feel him slip through his fingers, becoming distant, on another plane.

It’s not a new thing. Over the past few months Kirk had started to pull away from them. Lars knows it’s because of the drugs. It’s always about the drugs.

But he can’t let Kirk cut himself away, not now when he needs them the most.

The past few months have been hard, but nothing could’ve prepared Lars for this, watching his lover become a shell of lost memories and pain, slanting back to a time when he was 23 instead of 28. So many years have past, full of torment and anger and nightmares, but it made their bond even stronger, made them so much more of a team than they ever were.

Fuck. He lets his head fall back against the wall he’s leaning against, eyes squeezing shut. Now is one of those times he wishes he smoked. His fingers itch to do something, feeling so on edge, strung taut like a guitar string just waiting to snap.

“Hey.”

Lars opens his eyes, sees Jason a few metres away. He squints, stands up properly.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s still asleep,” Jason replies, moves to stand next to him.

Silence washes over them, cocoons them softly as they watch patients move in and out of the front doors, the sound of ambulances in the distance ricocheting off of the hospital walls.

Jason sniffs. Lars frowns, looks over at him. He’s not crying, but his face is flushed like he’s holding it back. His wavy hair isn’t doing much to hide the distress on his face, so Lars reaches over, squeezes his wrist gently, subtly.

“It’ll be okay,” he reassures, though he’s not all that sure himself. He’s not sure of anything these days.

Jason nods, doesn’t look at him.

“Jason,” Lars tries, wishes he could just pull him in closer without it looking suspicious. He just wants to kiss him, let him know that he’s loved. That this is hard but they’re going to get through it.

“I just-“ Jason starts, blinking upwards as his eyes turn wet. “He doesn’t remember me.”

It must hurt. God, Lars can’t even imagine how much that hurts. If Kirk didn’t remember him he’d be in pieces too. All their shared love completely forgotten. Like it never existed.

“He will,” Lars tries, stands a bit closer so he can conceal the way his fingers intertwine with Jason’s.

“We still love you.”

“He doesn’t even know me,” Jason says, voice tight, rubbing his wrist over his eyes.

“Me and James, we still love you, Jason. You still have us.”

Jason nods, though he doesn’t look convinced. Lars squeezes his hand gently.

“I know,” Jason says, a sob finally ripping from his throat. “It just hurts so fucking much.”

Lars says fuck it then, engulfs Jason in his arms, rubbing his back gently. A hug at least won’t look too weird, especially when their bandmate is in hospital. It takes a lot for Lars not press a kiss to Jason’s temple.

“He’ll remember,” Lars says with feigned confidence. Jason nods against him, hiding his face in Lars’s neck.

The chances are Kirk may never get those four years back, which might mean having to work on their relationship all over again, or from scratch in Jason’s case.

They’ve all come so far from the night of the bus crash, they’re practically different people. He remembers how hard it was to accept Jason into the band after losing Cliff, and he expects all those emotions that were swirling around back then are what Kirk’s experiencing now. It had taken a while before Jason had become their friend, and even longer to become their lover. It was hard adding another person to the mix, especially as it had always just been the three of them. But they made it work. Lars just hopes they’ll be able to continue without things going backwards.

“I love you,” Lars murmurs, against Jason’s ear, squeezing him tight. “No matter what.”

Lars knows James would say the same thing. They’ve been through so much together that their love is unconditional.

Jason sniffs, nodding against him.

As Lars is facing the wall, he dares to press a kiss to the side of Jason’s head, just searching for more contact. He feels Jason shudder against him, hands grappling into the back of Lars’s shirt.

Jason eventually pulls away, wiping away the tears that have started to pave their way down his face.

His cheeks are pink and his lips are bitten raw. He looks like a complete wreck, but Lars realises they all do right now.

He can’t even imagine how Kirk must be feeling, waking up to find he’s lost four years, that he’s dating another person and still has his other two lovers. And the pain, even watching him go through it makes Lars want to cry. Kirk doesn’t deserve this. Even with what he did, he doesn’t deserve to be put through so much pain and emotional distress.

“We should get back,” Jason says, clearing his throat, glancing to see if anyone noticed them. They didn’t.

Lars smiles, pivots, ushers Jason back inside the hospital. 

If only they had known they were being watched.