#kindness is tricky because you can't do anything about it. there is nothing to be changed about it. nothing to work on
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balkanlila ¡ 10 months ago
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me when elena has mean thoughts about lila: okay, understandable.
me when elena has loving thoughts about lila: get this away from me.
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another-lost-mc ¡ 11 months ago
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Soo like would the demon brothers including the other demon characters kill for mc? 👻
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It's not a question of will they kill for you, but rather, who do they have to kill? Because of course they would.
If it's some nobody lesser demon, chances are they can do the deed and get away with it without anyone knowing (or caring) about it after. Higher-ranking demons within the nobility are more of a challenge - the social and personal consequences are much higher, assuming the original offense is a minor infraction and not something that would warrant a formal punishment of the court. If it's something serious, it's better to let Diavolo take care of it (and trust when he says that he will).
Angels are tricky to deal with. Outright killing one would probably anger Diavolo too much, let alone what Michael's reaction would be. Punishments for Celestial Realm denizens who offend or hurt you (and by extension, the demons that care for you) are non-lethal and have to be carried out with some level of care and subtlety. They can't arouse too much suspicion or anger from the other realms. Fortunately, angels aren't likely to do anything too grievous towards you anyway. (The angels that know you best have their own methods of dealing with their angelic brothers or sisters that need a little enlightenment when it comes to your happiness and well-being.)
When it comes to deadly retribution, humans are probably the easiest for your demon companions to dispose of. With their frail bodies and fondness for sin and reckless behaviour, humans die unexpectedly all the time. So long as they're careful not to leave any evidence of their involvement behind, some poor human's unexpected demise is coincidental at best. Your pet demon isn't likely to be held accountable for it either - assuming Solomon hasn't taken care of the miscreant first, that is.
Of course, killing is such a vague concept, and each of your demonic friends has their own preferences when it comes to getting their hands a little bloody for you.
(warnings: mentions of violence/murder/torture, unhinged behaviour, demons being demons, etc.)
RECKLESS AND IMPULSIVE: It might surprise you how quick they respond to aggression or insults towards you and the level of violence they're capable of. Their love for you is so strong, they can't help it. Perhaps it's better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, because they know you're too kind for your own good. Letting some no-good demon get away with hurting you, even the tiniest bit, is unthinkable. It doesn't really matter what you say, because once the switch flips, it's too late to stop them. The demon is already dead at their feet before anyone else nearby even realizes what happened.
— Mammon, Satan, Beelzebub
CAREFUL AND CALCULATED: A bitter insult, some derogatory comments on Devilgram, obnoxious criticisms heard amongst the chatter of RAD's busy hallways - it doesn't take much to anger them when it comes to defending you. You're so precious, their uniquely imperfect little human master, and you deserve better than that. They'll take their time, they'll make their plans, they'll consider their options carefully. When the deed is done, they'll make sure every last trace of blood is gone from their hands and their teeth before they see you again. It would be a shame to tarnish you with the filth of the unworthy.
— Leviathan, Asmodeus, Belphegor, Mephistopheles
MERCILESS AND UNTOUCHABLE: There's nothing that matters more than your safety and happiness. They're the ones you can turn to when you feel like you can't turn to anyone else. You can confide in them because they're strong. Their power and influence is unmatched, and no matter what troubles you, they'll see that it's taken care of. They used to scare you before, but now there's comfort in the firm hand clasping your shoulder when they lead you to your door, or the warm cup of tea they press into your hands, or the princely smile that promises you never have to worry so long as they're close. You can rest easy at night knowing whatever threatens your well-being is taken care of, even if you don't realize it. The dungeons beneath the Demon Lord's Castle that house the wicked, and the dark deeds carried out against them in your name, are burdens they gladly bear.
— Lucifer, Diavolo, Barbatos
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dpspcehntr ¡ 8 months ago
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In the spirit of being premenstrual and irritable, what do you think would be the cause of the LaDS and MCs first serious argument and who would snap first?
For Zayne, I believe it would be MC getting injured and Zayne being fed up with her "reckless" behaviour fighting wanderers. Even though he knows how capable they are, it's borne out of worry.
Xavier is so chill, I can't imagine him being angry even if MC gives him a Pennywise makeover while he snoozes and says nothing as he walks down the street looking like nightmare material. What would set him off, though? MC eats the last hotpot?
Sylus would snap because MC threatened to set him on fire one too many times lol
And Rafayel... The clouds aren't the right shape? MC cuddled her plushies more than she hugged him? The list of possibilities are endless with this dramatic fish boy, but what would make him really angry and not just pouty?
Hello again friend! Arguments with the boys I feel are rare, mostly because all of them seem to communicate well for the most part. Take all of this with a grain of salt as I am not an expert!
Zayne is kind of a no brainer. The first serious argument would be over MC’s reckless behavior during a mission. It would start as a stern “talking” to as MC’s doctor to which MC just blows him off. It would turn into a major fight because MC does’t take how serious the situation could’ve been. I don’t think it reached screaming match but the folks at the hospital do start to worry about the tone of his and MCs voices. Obviously Zayne is going to continue to be concerned for her health so she instead has to do a bit of work to understand where he’s coming from and be nicer when he does lecture her on her health.
Xavier is a tricky one cause I don’t think the thought of an argument is even possible for him. If anything it’s MC who is upset with something and lashes out. It’s because of his easy going nature that makes MC even angrier. Eventually they talk it out but yea an argument between these two will be because he hardly ever expresses his own emotions and goes for soothing and problem solving first.
Sylus would have an argument with MC about not taking the dangers of the N109 zone seriously. It would be something MC sees as not that deep but he would be quite upset at how little she cares about her well-being. Again not a yelling fit but you both don’t speak to each other for a few days after. Eventual apologies occur and then a discussion on how dangerous the N109 zone really is and reaching an agreement where MC can protect herself but not be smothered by Sylus’ need to be in control.
Rafayel early into his relationship with MC would have some small disagreement that he just harbors on for a while. He just kinda disappears for a few days and when he does resurface the issue has only gotten bigger. It would be a very tense and heated conversation for quite a while before both of them come to an understanding. After that, they both bring anything that bothers them to each other right away and hash it out.
Yea this stuff is not my forte but I tried 😭! I love angst but I’m so bad at it. I hope I did this some justice!
My ask box is open! Send me your NSFW head cannons/thoughts/confessions about the LADS main 4! I might even write some of them up!
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steamberrystudio ¡ 7 months ago
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2024 wrap-up and 2025 plans
It's been a really weird year for me and the last few months have been particularly challenging - so much so that I can't really remember much of the start of the year. There's been a lot that has happened and yet it feels like almost nothing has happened.
With a personal move in the works at the moment, and lots of lists and packing and cleaning, the last couple of weeks have felt like a blur of limbo as well.
But rather than just complaining let's jump into the wrap up and plans for 2025.
2024 Progress Wrap up
When looking back over a year of visual novel development, it can be really easy to forget progress and victories because it all smears together into an indistinct timeline.
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You know stuff happened but you lose sight of the details of that stuff.
Even while writing this last night, I forgot that A Faerie's Tale was something completed and released this year. I remembered it just now while doing a final proofread of this post.
Development is such a long and repetitive process that you forget all the individual steps it took to get where you are. When I look back over 2024, I admit I feel like I somehow didn't do that much...that time slipped away while I did very little actual work.  
And of course, that isn't true. (Or is it?? Self-doubt assures me that I didn't do anything noteworthy this year.)
When Stars Collide
At the start of 2024, When Stars Collide sat at 485,000 words. I was finishing up editing Asher's route but had portions of the other routes to draft. The UI was still the old design, most of the backgrounds were incomplete and none of the additional features like the flowcharts and affinity meters were set up.  
I wanted to release an updated demo and the more new people told me they were playing the demo, the more I died inside because it was not at all reflective of the project any more. But I was missing critical backgrounds that I actually got only a few weeks before Episode 1 went to beta.
The point is that back at the start of 2024 the game was still very unfinished but I had big plans. My goal was originally to start releasing episodes in June of 2024 but editing and coding just took so much longer than expected that it just wasn't possible.
From a writing perspective, I learned that drafting and editing a game in this overlapping route style was hard. It was just genuinely so much more difficult than the separate route structure I'm used to. It really requires different processes and styles of planning than what I've done in the past. The burden of meticulously matching a timeline of events across 6 routes simultaneously is really tricky with the way I write and form the choices in my games.  
You kind of have to either never refer back to anything that happens within a choice scenario or you have to remember and track a lot of variables and conversations and events. Additionally, writing one plot line from multiple relationship perspectives is actually quite tricky. Things have to align in very specific ways but you also kind of want to make sure that each play through is interesting. You don't want the conversations within the LI-specific content to be identical but they have to be similar enough you can manage the difference with a few key variables.  
I honestly found it a really exhausting way to write. There's so much less complexity and so much more freedom when you are writing separate routes. And for that reason, the writing took a lot longer than I am used to.
One day I want to write up all my thoughts on route structure in visual novels but I haven't had time yet.
Ultimately I drafted about 172,000 words this year. The total word count of the game before I coded it was around 657,000 words - plus an additional 8-10k or so of bonus content. Of course, that shrinks when I code it but that was the total uncoded word count. So that is quite a jump from the 485,000 words I started with this year.  
I always say that working on VNs really skews your view of what "a lot" of words is. To me, as weird as it is to say, 180k doesn't feel like that much writing, which is silly because it's like writing two YA novels.   
But between the end of the Kickstarter for Gilded Shadows and the end of that year, I think I wrote about 250,000 words. That's 70,000 more words but in less time. I think it just shows how much more difficult writing WSC has been due to the structure of the routes.  
I remember having a conversation with someone once where she told me that writing a game like Gilded Shadows is *definitely* harder and more work than writing a game like When Stars Collide. GS has multiple plots and a lot more words. In WSC, the routes share a plot, they share scenes and content, there's only one plot line and there are far fewer words.  
I think it really underestimates the simplicity buff and the freedom buff that you get from having a single separate route in its own space time where you don't have to care as heavily about continuity across routes or a shared timeline of events or all of this other stuff that was such a burden to me when writing overlapping routes.  
I maintain that I'm really glad I wrote When Stars Collide the way I did. I learned so much about game structure and choices and all this mechanical stuff about how visual novels work that I'd never really had to think about for. It was really, really enlightening.  
But I will never do this game structure again. Lemme just say that.  
Drafting aside, I had to also edit all that writing which was its own special layer of hell.  
And then the art. The art has been enjoyable. I really love this game's aesthetic and the character designs. And the characters. I really enjoy them all so much. They are the most adorable crew of nerdy gremlins out there.  
But the art has had is own challenges. I've done about 20 CGs for the game so far and a lot of them are easy enough but the colour slider MC is definitely a bit of a challenge for the CGs. With GS where I recoloured by hand, there were times that I had to slightly tweak Morgan's default colours to look good in CGs. For instance, one of her skin tones looked quite odd next to Magnus, who is very pink. And I had to just slightly tweak that skin tone in his CGs so they looked okay together side by side. It was easy to test that sort of thing before the CG even got into the game.
But I colour Wil in greyscale and I don't see them in colour until I test. And each colour available on the slider is represented by a number. And there are essentially 100 of them. So testing all of those isn't really viable. I do test multiple skin tones from my saves. But in some ways it's more cumbersome to make sure all of that looks good.  
Wil also has 8 hairstyles…in two colours (which are recoloured manually because a couple of the hairstyles just don't really looks as good recoloured automatically (it's my art, not the dynamic colour slider tool).  
It's a lot of work. Hair 5 usually puts my hand out of commission for the rest of the day (so I save it for last. Ha ha). I don't regret it and again, it's something I wanted to to do as an experiment. I knew that 5 hairstyles was probably manageable and 8 was definitely pushing and I was right so no hard lessons really learned there.  It's sometimes valuable experience to push yourself right to that line and really see where the division between "feasible" and "too much" really is. Because then it's no longer hypothetical. You know where the line is.  
A lot of how WSC is set up was me testing if the line was where I thought it was.
Beyond the art, I also got all the other new features set up and experimented with a few things I hadn't been planning on. Many of those features had the core elements set up and coded by wonderful programmer friends and colleagues (Feniks and Windchimes and Jeneara) but I still had to implement all those things in the code to make them function as part of the game.  
Which, for things like the flowcharts - is time consuming. Flowcharts are like that.  
The flowcharts in WSC use a different method than the ones in GS. It's a brand new tool and I'm still learning how to use it but there are also some kinks that rear their heads (not those kind, you guys! The annoying kind that break the game!)  
I think the feature most people are most excited about would be the save screen. It's quite popular. Ha ha.  
With all of that stuff done, I was able to finally….*finally* release the official version of Episode 1 to Patreon and on Itch.  
And I released Episode 2 (minus two CGs that have been delayed by an abrupt move to a new place and me just not having time to draw right now) to Patrons in early access. (and the Itch version should go out mid-January. I hope).
So the point is…that is actually a fair amount of work that has taken place this year. And a lot of challenges that have been met and overcome.
A Faerie's Tale
Another thing I did this year was finish and release A Faerie's Tale as part of Amare Fest and with a team of friends to help out.
AFT is a concept I've had since about 2020 (prior to WSC actually). It was based on a dream I had as was always meant to be a cute little side project. But it kind of fell by the wayside in favour of my larger projects.
Being able to get it released was definitely fun. Jen and I definitely want to go back to it and release Lachan's route though - it was something we didn't have time for previously and it would be nice to get it truly complete.
Thornewood
And while I haven't specifically mentioned it anywhere outside of my server and Patreon...
The truth is...
I've secretly been planning my next project. But not really all that secretly since I have mentioned it a few times.
I've been torn, for a while, on two projects I'd like to tackle. One is called The Crown Wheel and the other is called (tentatively) Thornewood. I still go back and forth over which one I really want to do next. 
Crown Wheel is the one I *really* want to get out there. It's another story that's close to my heart with some ancient characters of mine that I really love and would love to throw out there for other people to enjoy. But…
Thornewood is a bit more solid a project when it comes to planning and plot. Crown Wheel is a little more nebulous in terms of where the story would go. I'm getting side tracked…I'll get into this more in my 2025 plans.
I have not been working on any other project regularly or in any truly significant way. I've really been working on outlines and character profiles more than anything and I typically do it late at night when I can't sleep but can't draw any more because I'm resting for the day and while I just don't want to be working on WSC because I worked on it all day.
I think I have about 13000 words of outline. I did a rough summary of each route and have been trying to expand those and detail them out a little bit more. So technically that is work I've done this year too.
2024 still somehow feels like a weird year for development. I can't articulate why but it definitely was an odd year for sure.
So What are my 2025 Plans?
That's really the big question at this point. What is in store for Steamberry Studio?
First and foremost, the plan is to get When Stars Collide fully released. This isn't as straightforward as it seems though. With the writing complete, I'm focused on the coding and art, but...
Coding expressions is currently a bit tedious because there have been a ton of group scenes in this game so far. This is because it is somewhat of a 'closed set' so when you are not 1x1 with a love interest…you tend to be with a group. This will diminish in upcoming chapters as the plot kicks off more and you also get longer scenes with the love interests. But unfortunately it does come back in the last few chapters.  
But for now I'm looking forward to heading into parts of the game that are more 1x1 or at least smaller groups at a time.  
Additionally the CG situation has been somewhat up in the air for me. I was originally planning to do CGs in every chapter but I wasn't sure if that would a) be sustainable for me and b) make sense.  
I suspected that there would be chapters coming up where there just weren't necessarily any good CG moments. So the "CGs in every chapter" thing was always going to be a bit squishy.   
I know, for instance, that chapter 6 probably won't have any because there aren't any good moments for it to be honest?  
Anyway. I am thinking that I may take a less formulaic approach to CGs and focus on making sure there are CGs in every episode if not every chapter. Maybe chapters 5, 8, 10...and then...Idk. One or two of the ending chapters. 
Even if it's just four of the remaining chapters, that's still 24 more illustrations for the game. Which I feel like is a very reasonable amount considering there are already about 20. 
Another thing I'm really going back and forth on is the nature of episodes moving forward.
Do I want to continue with 2 chapters per episode or do I want to drop to 1 chapter per episode? I battle myself on this all the time. It's such a hard call for me.
One challenge with moving into single chapter episodes is that I just feel the episodes would be less satisfying with only one chapter. Realistically the chapters aren't that small - even the short ones are more than 30,000 words each. That's...half a YA novel.
But, again, *realistically* when we reduce that to a play time, it's not that much.
People consume unvoiced visual novels at a rate of about 250 words per minute. That means 15,000 words per hour.
So 30k is just two hours of content. When you start dividing this up between "main plot" and "LI route content", you start whittling away at how much content *per character* there is. If there are 20,000 words of "LI content" - yeah, that's more than half the chapter. But that gets divided by 6 characters. And that means 13 minutes of playable content *including all the choices* for each character which isn't a lot. And most people are not going to play through every choice option.
Which means people could be getting through the unique content for their favourite character in less than 10 minutes.
By combining chapters, that means we get episodes that are 70,000 words or 90,000 words. It boosts the amount of content per character by a significant amount and that is really what I'm looking at when I consider episode layout. 
I try to think about what is going to make for the most satisfying episode for players. The drawback of 2 chapters per episode is that it's…a lot. It's a lot of expressions. It's a lot of flowchart work.  
It just takes more time.
Regardless of whether it's just 1 chapter at a time or whether it's 2 chapters at a time, I really want to move forward with steady releases and get the game fully released to players in 2025. That is obviously my primary focus going forward.   
The story is finished. It's burning a hole in my laptop. (Not really). But I want to get it released.
Having the story already written but delivering it in smaller bites to players is doing a lot to save my drawing hand from inevitable doom but it's so hard for me mentally. I know the things coming up in future episodes and I'm so keen to release it and see reactions and talk to people about it. And it's just so difficult to not be able to do that as fast as I want.
I'm trying to be patient and I hope all of you are willing to be patient with me.
In other work…
I will likely continue to plan out my next game on the side, though I don't intend to start working on it or writing it until WSC completes. It's too hard to manage two projects like that - at least for me - most of the time.
When it comes to Thornewood (the most likely contender for 'next project'), it is a 'dark fantasy' in that the setting is gritty and grimy fantasy with an underlying darkness in the world. It's not really a dark romance though.
I always view dark fantasy as including settings where the darkness comes from outside the main character interactions. The setting is dark and the stories have danger and darkness....
But dark romance is when the relationships themselves are also dark. And I feel like I don't really write dark romance. I don't write perfect relationships either but I wouldn't describe them as 'dark' by any stretch.
Either way I'm looking forward to working on something more overtly fantasy again.
I've been dabbling in science fiction for a long time now (since 2019 - that's when I started Gilded Shadows!!) and I've been wanting to move back into fantasy settings for a while now.  
Even just working on the profiles and outlines and world building for fantasy projects, it feels like the Fae and the magic are calling me back home. So I'm really eager to wrap up WSC and bury myself in a more fantasy themed setting again.
But I have a long journey to get to that point.
There's a lot to do in 2025 and I still have a lot of stories to tell.
I hope you will all be here with me for the journey.
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residentflamingo ¡ 1 year ago
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Samurai Momo Headcannons
Hirai Momo x fem! chubby reader
AU: Ancient Japan/ Samurai 👺⛩️
Genre: fluff, a pinch of angst, & smut
Warnings: mentions of violence, war, sexual themes, & cursing
A/N: Surprise you guys! I decided to post this first instead of the Jihyo fic ;) Man this was so much fun to write! I thought it would be cool to write something like this since I haven't seen anyone write about the main love interest set in the Samurai era. It was a little tricky at first since I had to do a little research, but it's nothing I can't handle. Let me know if i did okay! This is my first time writing anything smut related so I’m very nervous about it 😅 It also kind of turned into a yapping session... Fun but also not fun fact, I've had this sitting in my drafts FOR A YEAR 💀 Ik, absolute insanity. Anyways, let me know if I should write more stuff like this! Enjoy reading, and check out my other works if you would like :) It's always greatly appreciated ❤️
Word count ———> 4,932
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Who is this girl?
Hirai Momo is a well-respected and feared samurai in the Paand Xico Nation
Known for defeating many powerful armies and killing the best swordsmen
She is fierce on the battlefield and cocky as hell too
She doesn’t show any mercy
Merciful only towards townspeople who are in danger 
She is a samurai alongside her other 8 comrades called the “Osoroshī Defenders”
They rose to power after defeating an almighty empire, and saving their hometown, the Paand Xico Nation
They are known for being a fierce samurai squad with kind-hearted personalities
Momo has been best friends with her 8 samurai comrades ever since childhood when she first started samurai training
She grew very close with them over the years, and eventually told them that she was gay
The funny thing is, they knew already
When she told them Jihyo was like “Yeah we know. It's pretty obvious by the way you look at Y/N. You are definitely in love with her, and you get like a gay panic attack every time you see her.”
Momo was so glad that they were supportive of her
But she was also a little shocked since there was still the possibility of them being weirded out by her after her confession
She even cried that night while going to bed because she was so happy
The members like to tease her every now and then when she talks to you, or when she gushes to them over how cute you are 🥹
How you guys met
You and Momo were childhood friends
Met each other at a very young age
Both of your guys’ parents were close friends of each other’s so you crossed paths pretty often
The both of you spent time with each other a lot
You and Momo would go explore the woods, and play around in the creeks
Racing to the creek was essential for the both of you
Momo would let you win on some days just so she could see you smile
Sometimes you would dare her to do weird stuff, and she would always do it just to see your reaction
She even ate a worm once just because you told her too…
Momo likes to tease you a lot too
It’s one of her favorite things to do when she’s in a good mood
When you guys would be walking down the creek, sometimes she would splash water at you and you would get mud on your shoes/clothes
And she would just be dying laughing hearing your surprised scream after getting water splashed on you
"Hey why are you laughing at me?!"
"Y/N you should've seen the look on your face whenever you got splashed! Oh my gosh, it was so funny."
You two became inseparable over time
Momo’s mom would have to drag her home some days because she would be at your house for to long
“Honey you’re barely even home anymore since you spend so much time with that Y/N girl !”
As Momo got a little older, she became interested in wanting to be a samurai
She mostly wanted to be one so she could protect you one day, and to show off her cool skills
She loved how cool they looked, and the way they would fight with their swords
So she enthrall y begged her mom to take her to lessons
When she told you she was taking lessons to become a samurai, you were shook
“Y/n, did you hear? I’m gonna become a samurai!”
“Wait what?! When did you decide that?”
“I had my mom start taking me to lessons the other day! Someone’s gotta be able to protect you from the bad guys someday ;)”
You were very happy for her, but also very worried since she can be aloof at times
Momo loves to show off her cutting skills with her katana
After cutting down a small tree she would smirk at you and say, “Wanna give it a try, Y/N?”
How you became her crush
She developed a huuuge crush on you around the time when she started samurai training (10 yrs old)
(A/N: yeah I did some research, they really did have the kids start samurai training when they were 10 yrs old…)
Momo noticed how beautiful you were one summer night, when you both were stargazing while laying in a field of grass
She was mesmerized by your beauty, and how cute you sounded when you would giggle at her ranting about the stars
From then on, she had a habit of always admiring your looks 💕
“Momo what are you looking at?”
“Oh nothing. I just now noticed you have this little freckle on your nose that looks like a heart. It’s cute.”
You developed a crush on her some years later, after realizing how sweet she was with you
(both 16yrs old)
And you thought she was pretty cute too, with her long black hair, and her beautiful features
It was almost impossible not to fall in love with her
Momo would love to hand feed you snacks, and fix your hair when it would get messy
She also loved giving you makeovers during slumber parties
She’s really clingy and affectionate in general
we know what you are Momo
When you would catch her training, she always wanted to teach you a technique she learned that day
Would end up failing to do so because it was always some advanced shit
“Momo I don’t have any idea how to cut things with a katana, let alone do a flying kick afterwards !”
“Oh cmon on pleaaseee Y/N-chan, I promise it’s super easy. It won’t take very long to learn when you got me teaching you ;)”
She would purposely be hands-on while teaching you, and you would be a blushing mess while she helped you adjust your grip on the katana
Momo got protective of you as she got older, stronger, and more experience with training
(now both 18 yrs old)
And damn did she have some killer muscles
Especially her abs good lord-
When she would get a scratch on her, or a cut, you would always be there to bandage her up
And of course, Momo would be a blushing mess as you would put a patch on her cheek
Afterwards, you would always get onto her about how she needs to be more careful and whatnot
She would just laugh a little bit while looking at you with admiration
Momo found it so cute how protective you were of her, even though she was becoming a tough samurai
At school, she would always glare at the boys that would try to hit on you
And she would protect you from bullies too
“Y/N what happened to your arm? Why is it all bruised?”
“A boy wouldn’t leave me alone after I told him I didn’t want to date him, so he fought me because he was so mad.”
“Momo did you hear? Someone beat up the same boy that punched me the other day… I wonder who it was.”
(clearly has bruises on her knuckles) “I don’t know, maybe it was a tougher girl or something. Who knows, he had it comin to him anyways.”
You thought it was cute how protective she was over you
Whenever you would cry, she would always be there to hold you and tell you sweet nothings
She hated seeing you cry :(
Your happiness is her happiness
Momo made a vow to herself that in the future, she would still be the one holding you like this but in a different setting
The confession
When Momo was finally finished with samurai training (20-21 yrs old), she was super excited
But her excitement didn’t last for long
She got the news that she would have to be sent out to war for a couple months, or even a year, along with the other troops and her 8 best friends
You were both devastated
What if I never see her again? What if I never get to tell her I love her?
On the day of Momo’s departure, your face was stained with a waterfall of tears
She was standing outside nearby the army of soldiers with you in her arms , waiting until they were ready to depart
You and Momo had been hugging for a really long time, making sure you both took each other in before it was time for her to leave
After some time, the main advisor of the squadron spoke up…
“Alright everyone, say your last goodbye’s to your loved ones. We will be heading out in no less than 5 minutes!”
Momo tried to let go of your grip, but you held onto her and moved your position so you could look her in the eyes
“Do you really have to go? Maybe you could fake an injury, and say you’re too crippled to fight or something.”
“I can’t do that Y/N, you know that. It’s my duty as a samurai to defend this nation with my life, and to make sure I can be the strongest warrior.”
“Yeah your right, I know you can’t just bail out. But, I’m just scared you won’t come back. How long do you think you’ll be gone? And what if you get really hurt?”
“Our advisor said we’d be gone for months, or even a year. It depends on how long the war goes. Me and the girls are scared too, but we’re also confident in our abilities. Don’t worry Y/N, you know I’m a tough cookie and I’ll be able to handle myself out there.”
She tried smiling at you after she said that, so it would somehow to calm you down a little
But she knew deep down, that you could read her like a book
You already knew how nervous she was just by looking in her eyes
“Alright everyone, get ready. We are leaving as of now! Momo, go get your horse and be ready to leave, or else you’ll get left behind!”
“Okay okay I’m coming! I have to go now Y/N, make sure you take care of yourself okay? I’ll be back before you know it. You won’t even realize I’m gone.”
“Okay Momo stay safe. I lo-.” You quickly stopped yourself. At that moment, you weren’t really sure if you wanted to confess your love to her yet
“What was that last part Y/N?”
“Oh nothing, just go Momorin. Your advisor looks pretty pissed.”
“Haha okay then. Goodbye Y/N. Stay safe for me okay?.”
“I will, I promise.”
Momo walked away with a smile on her face, but on the inside, she was heartbroken
She knew it would be a while before she could ever see you again
Momo jumped onto the horses saddle, and exhaled a long breath making sure it would prevent her from crying
But when she turned around and saw you waving, she made sure to engrave that image in her head until she saw you again in the months to come
You both waved back at each other until Momo seemed to be getting further away from the eye, as her horse trotted away. Soon becoming unrecognizable in the thick fog enveloping the forest
Memories came flooding back, as Momo’s horse trotted through the very same winding creeks and little caves you guys used to play in
Oh god how she missed you already, and it hadn’t even been 5 minutes yet
As Momo started thinking about you, she started getting worried about whether if she was making the right choice or not. So, she decided to asked her best friends for help
“Guys, do you think I’m doing the right thing by leaving Y/N? I mean I feel like I should’ve told her something else before we parted ways, but I can’t figure out what I should’ve said.”
Jeongyeon whispered under her breathe, “you damn idiot…”
“What did you say Jeongyeon? Why don’t you come over here and tell me what you just said, instead of just whispering it under your breath huh?!”
Jeongyeon exhaled a deep breath she had been holding in, and finally let out what she’s been wanting to say for a while
“I said, you’re a damn idiot! Haven’t you loved Y/N for what, I don’t know, 10 years? And you still haven’t told her that you love her? What if you don’t come back from this damn war, and she has to wonder all her life if you ever loved her or not? Don’t you want to marry her someday, and be able to call her your wife?"
Momo sat there for a moment just stunned. As she thought about it for a while, she finally realized she was making a mistake
“God, what the fuck am I doing?” Momo said
“Go get your girl Momoring!” Nayeon retaliated
Jihyo also had a few words of wisdom for her too, “Don’t hesitate to tell her how you feel either! You may not get another chance.”
“You’re right, I need to go see her right now! I’m gonna go, but I’ll be back in 10 minutes tops. Tell the advisor I’ll be right back, or else I’ll get my ass kicked.”
Momo made a sharp turn with her horse and made it gallop at speeds faster than it had ever gone
As she got closer and closer to where you and her last saw each other, she could see your faint figure in the distance
You were finally walking away from the send off area, and accepting the fact that she was really gone
Unitl you heard a familiar voice loud shout from the forest, "Y/N, wait!"
Is that... Momo? you thought
You stopped in your tracks with your face contorted with all sorts of confusion, and then you turned around
And there she was
The horse hooves slid on the dirt, making the dirt kick up and the horse come to a smooth stop
"Y/N!" Momo yelled out
"Momo? What are you doing here why are you-"
She jumped off her horse and jogged over to you
"I can explain!" She stops in front of you panting and out of breath
Your face is still ridden with confusion, wondering why this goofball was standing n front of you, and not with her squadron
"What is it Momo I don't understand..."
Momo's breathing slows down a little bit, and her heart pumps with adrenaline
She speaks a little bit faster than usual, hinting at her obvious urgency, and nerves of confessing to you
She grabs both of your hands and hold them
"I-I have something to tell you Y/N... Something I've been wanting to get off of my chest for a long time."
Your eyes widen
Is it what you think it is?
Momo sees the shock on her face, and she does something that even she surprised herself with
"Oh screw it."
She quickly let go of your hands and brought hers up to both sides of you face, bringing you in for a sudden but loving kiss
"Wha-" You're cut off as she kisses you
It takes a couple seconds for you to process it, but once you do, you melt into it
You smile into the kiss, and wrap your arms around her, bringing her even closer your body
The kiss was oh so romantic, listening to the rainfall in the background, and feeling your clothes get from how long you two were standing there
It was all worth it
When Momo pulled away, she looked at you starstruck, still trying to process the fact that she just kissed you
Her lifelong crush!
You smiled back at her, feeling the same amount of shock as Momo
"Wow... I didn't know you had that in you."
She giggled and then hit pinched your cheeks playfully
"Well, I have many surprises Y/N."
"I can see that... How long have you been wanting to do that for?"
"Years... Most definitely." She caressed your face with her thumb, looking at you with pure love and adoration
You smiled, pulling her in to whisper in her ear, "Me too."
(had to switch to a different writing block since there was a word limit 🙄)
She chuckles, moving lips back down yours and kissing you again
Before she knew it, she heard someone whistle behind her, along with shouts from other people
"Oooo look at Momo and Y/N" Jeongyeon said, quickly receiving a slug on the shoulder from Jihyo
Momo pulled away embarrassed, hiding her blushing face into your neck
You giggled, wrapping your arms around her waist and rubbing her back
"I take it those are your friends?" You said teasingly
Momo mumbled, "Yes... Unfortunately."
You kissed the top of her head and moved her in front of her so could look at her better
"Oh I'm sure they aren't that bad..."
"Hey lovebirds, I don't want to ruin the moment, but we have a war we need to go fight in. Momo, get your ass over here!" Jihyo said loudly
Momo rolls her eyes, and groans in annoyance, yelling back "Coming!"
She turns her head back towards you and smiles, bringing you in for a bone-crushing hug
"Momo... I can't breathe."
She quickly lets go, "Oh my gosh I'm sorry...I can't help it."
"I know."
You smile, pulling her in for one last kiss, then having to pull away since she was in a hurry
"I'll write to you every day Y/N. I love you... so very much."
"I love you too Momo."
Her heart melts as she hears that, feeling her life long dream come true
She smiles, heading back on the horse and waving goodbye to you once again
She couldn't wait to come back and smother you with kisses
Domestic Life
When she leaves for months at a time, she writes you a letter every single day
So when the messenger comes by to deliver mail, he'll have multiple letters waiting for you
She is so good at writing too it kind of surprises you a little bit
Even though she's not there with you during those months, those letters make you feel like she's standing right next to you, telling you about her day and how she's feeling throughout each and every day
When she gets home from the war she will be super clingy 24/7
Which is kind of how she is anyways, so you're pretty used to it lol
Will tell you an endless amount of funny and intense stories that will just make you stare at her in awe, wondering how she's so amazing
During her normal home life away from samurai duties, she loves to spend as time with you as possible
She loves to cook for you, help you do chores around the house, and even do laundry
Whatever you need help with, she will always lend a hand so you don't have to do it all on your own
You guys will go on dates at least once a week to try to get out of the house once in a while lol
She always lets you be the one to pick the restaurant
(she's such a gentlewoman)
If it’s a place that she dislikes, she would never say anything about it
Your happiness is her happiness
Will train at home every now and then
Not all time though since she prefers a perfect balance between her love life and her Samurai duties
Relationship
After coming back from war, you two decided to get married right away
You knew dating was only a waste of time since you knew each other well, and how good of a partner you guys would be to each other
People in the town WERE NOT shocked when you two got married
Like had been predicting it since you two first started being friends with each other 💀
Momo is super duper sweet when she's with you <3
(but isn't she supposed to be the most feared samurai across many nations?)
Yes, but that doesn't matter!
With people she's not particularly friends with, she will act stoic and reserved, making her look very intimidating and serious 24/7
With friends she's her usual playful self and cracks some funny jokes here and there to make the whole group laugh
But when she's with you, her true self comes out
She is the textbook definition of a cuddle bug
Loves cuddling and being able to hold you in her strong arms
Kisses your tummy and draws shapes on it with her fingers
Gives you back and foot massages
Has to hug you and say “I love you” before bed or else she won’t sleep very good that night
Super clingy and doesn't hold back when showing affection
Compliments you alll the time without fail
"That dress looks so pretty on you my love...
Remembers small details about you, and buys you gifts 24/7
Knows you so well that she knows exactly how many freckles you have on your face
Loves listening to the sound of your voice and finds it cute when you rant about some of your favorite things
She is also an absolute goofball
“Y/N, what’s 3+5 ?”
“It’s 8 honey…”
“Oh. I thought it was 7.”
Doesn’t show that side of her very often, but when she does it never fails to make you laugh
You both have matching tattoos
Hers is hidden since tattoos are prohibited for samurai's
The design is a yin & yang symbol, with yours being a yang, and Momo's a yin
You being the yang, the purity and balance you bring to the relationship
Momo's being the yin side, showing that she brings the fire in the relationship, and the darker side to her that trains in killing people
It also represents how you two were originally best friends, and the soulmate connection you both have
Arguments don't really happen that much between you two
When they do you both always talk through them together, and have good sit-down talks about what you can do better
She hates seeing you cry :(
Absolutely breaks her heart
Especially when she's leaving for war and you're sobbing on her shoulder
Momo usually cries with you and holds you, making you feel very comforted in her grasp
When it comes to jealousy, she's not really the type to get mad at you
Only gets mad at the person flirting with you
Will come up behind you and wrap her arms around you waist, peppering kisses on your neck
"Hi Y/N... who's this fellow you're talking to?"
Loves letting everyone know that you're hers
Mostly in a subtle but not so subtle way since that's the way of the samurai
This girl's loyalty is IMMENSE
When another woman tries to talk to her, she will not hesitate to give them the cold shoulder and ignore them
“No. I have a wife.”
Will not hesitate to fight someone for you
Or possibly will kill them if it comes to that point
No one is talking bad about her you on her watch
Always has a sharp eye on you when in public, making sure you're safe from any of her enemies
Her duties come with a couple cons
In the middle of the night, she will sometimes wake up in cold sweats and start sobbing
Has PTSD flashbacks of the people she has killed in war, and remembers the innocent civilians she couldn't save in time 🙁
You hold her in her arms, telling her that it's not her fault and that she is still a good person
Will train so hard on her own that you have to drag her away from whatever activity she's doing
Is so so hard on herself :(
But when she's cuddled up in her embrace, her mind shuts off, forgetting everything that was stressing her out in the first place
She loves you so so much
Would die for you, no hesitation
You're one of the only things in her life that she finds enjoyment in
Being with her is the luckiest thing you could ever imagine
In The Bedroom
(mentions of strap-ons, praise kink, body worship, pussy eating, dom! Momo, and ab riding. minors & men pls do not interact!!)
Let's get one thing gay straight, when Momo comes home from war after not seeing you for a long time, you better be prepared to not be able to walk the next day
Ends up fucking you for hours, and having to carry you to the bathtub afterwards
After she gets settled in for a couple weeks, she will go back to being her soft and gentle self during sex
She's not really the type to degrade you unless you're being very bratty
Being bratty will result in her teasing until you're a crying and needy mess
Definitely smacks your ass a few times too
"Hm what did you say? You're gonna have to speak up honey. Mommy can't hear you when you're whining so much."
Has you get on your knees and eat her out, running her hands through your hair and pushing you closer to her
Is bigggg on body worship and praising
Momo knows how insecure you get of your body at times, so she'll do everything she can to make you feel good about yourself
Has you strip down naked in the middle of the bedroom so she can admire your curves and your bare body
Then has you lay down, kissing every inch of your body, whispering sweet nothings to you
"You're so beautiful... I love you... I love your stretchmarks... I love your curves..."
Sometimes will have you on the verge of tears from how sweet she gets
Holds you like you're the most precious thing in the world to her
Momo is more of the type to give
But, she doesn’t mind being on receiving side every now and then
When she does give…
She eats your pussy out like it's her last meal every. time.
"Fuck honey... You taste so good."
Loves it when you wrap your legs around her head, and somewhat suffocate her with your thighs
Makes her eyes roll back slightly and digs her nails deeper into your skin
Sometimes she gets so drunk in your taste that you have to pull her away by her hair
She would whine and be begging to taste you again
“Please Y/N, just for five more minutes.”
She absolutely adores your plump figure
You cannot walk anywhere without her smacking your ass or grabbing onto your love handles
Almost impossible for her to keep her hands off of you
Has reoccurring fantasies of bending you over and fucking you with her strap, imagining your ass and thighs jiggling with each thrust
Be careful wearing a swimsuit or dress around her…
She will most likely rip it off of you behind closed doors, and leave plenty of hickeys on your skin to show everyone that you're hers
The sight of seeing the clothing hug onto your curves, and knowing that she’s the only one that gets to kiss it really turns her on
Has also fucked you multiple times in the pool at home because she couldn’t help herself when she saw you in a bikini
Also has an obsession with your boobs
Loves groping them, and being able to nuzzle her face in them after she's done licking and sucking them
Remember her habit of writing letters to you while she's away? Sometimes she will incorporate her neediness for you in them as well
Has to secretly send them in so no one reads them
You never knew how horny she could really get until she left for war
You would secretly stash the letters in a drawer, reading them sometimes while she was away (real)
Momo makes sure she never leaves you unmarked
You always end up having tons of hickeys or will have plenty of bite marks on your neck
Knows how much you love her abs, so she would let you grind on them until you make a mess all over her
"Oh look at you... You love making a mess on mommy's abs don't you baby?"
Works out a little harder when she's training so she can be strong enough to manhandle you
Her cockiness when she’s training is on another level
Especially that damn smirk…
She has a few scars on her body from war and training that she knows turns you on as well
On hot days she would wear revealing clothing on purpose; like crop tops, tank tops, or any muscle shirts she could find
All of those things mixed in with sweat running down her body… damn
Her favorite position is most definitely missionary
Loves being able to look you in the eyes when making love to you, and making sure that you feel loved
But also really enjoys doggy style so she can feel your ass up against her
Always checks up on you to make sure you're doing okay
"Tell me if it gets too much, okay honey?"
Momo takes aftercare very seriously
Carries you to the shower/bathtub and helps wash you off
Then carries you back to bed and snuggles up with you, showering you with sweet kisses
"You did so well Y/N... I love you so much."
Also apologizes and kisses any small bruises if she was rougher with you than usual
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wisteria-blooms ¡ 2 years ago
Text
*NSFW* strawberry wonderland (ii) (bill weasley & reader)
*MINORS DNI!*
PAIRING: Bill Weasley/You SUMMARY: Unbeknownst to you, you have more of an effect on Bill than you could ever imagine. And he can't stop thinking about all the things he wants to do to you in Nice. WARNINGS: sex, fingering, oral, masturbation, unprotected sex
A/N: To get me out of a writer's block, I present you this. I've only read it over it once so I'll fix any mistakes as I go. I hope this doesn't ruin long hair & tattoos for you... it doesn't need to be part of the original series if you don't want it to be. It's set after Bill and Reader arrive in Nice.
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STRAWBERRY WONDERLAND (II)
Strawberries.
That’s what you smelt like to Bill Weasley. And very much overwhelmingly so as you nestled into his arm, preparing to disembark the ship that had just docked the nauseatingly rocky French shores. He attributed it to all the fresh strawberries you crushed up at the bar. 
“What kind of liquor do you reckon goes well with this?” you asked, holding up the bleeding purée to his face. 
‘Anything that would get you to kiss me,’ a voice in his head willed him to say. He swatted that thought away and instead replied, “Rum.” All his family recipes and all his female cousins’ favourite girlish drinks came to mind.
“Hm.” You turned away from him and perused the shelf for the highest of top-shelf rum. “And what else?”
“Maybe some simple syrup, a dash of lime and—,”
You slammed a bottle of rum on the table and twisted it open. Bill closed his mouth and let you speak. “Keep rambling and one might think you’re an expert at cocktails or something of that sort.”
“You asked me!” Bill said in defense, a chuckle erupting from his lips. A lush haze was concentrating in your eyes from the wine you’d inhaled the moment you boarded the ship. Bill figured his taller and heavier figure was better in diffusing the alcohol than your smaller one. 
“Whatever,”—you slid the cup of strawberry puree towards him—“let’s just drink.”
And now the scent of fresh strawberries, lime, and wine lingered on your person, stuck to it like summer honey. It was the most heavenly of scents. He imagined it would be most concentrated on your lips and tongue, and he would risk everything—a lot—to test that hypothesis. And what if that old saying were true? ‘You are what you eat.’
Would you taste like strawberries elsewhere, dare he dream, on another pair of lips?
“Do you think we had too much?” you asked him, snapping him out of his dirty reverie where he was in between your legs. “I might be sick.”
“I’m sure the sea made it worse,” he reassured you, letting you grip him tightly. He looked back at the relentless waves. Merlin, if you kept touching and squeezing his arm, he wasn’t going to make it until after you left. “And you best recover before your dinner tonight.”
“Right—ooh.” You drew the last vowel, lips rounding, which sent a chill up Bill’s spine.
Then when you let out a deep sigh into the crook of his arm, he found himself at war with himself. He looked down at your eyelashes, fluttering down to cover your eyes and traced your pouty pink lips. You were the sweetest, most innocent thing at twenty-three years old. And he didn’t realize how much desire had stirred up inside him in the past few months that he now really wanted to kiss you—Oh, what was he sugarcoating his own private thoughts for? He wanted nothing more than to fuck you.
He just wanted to know what your innocence would feel on him and his experience. But he couldn’t. He was much too old, much too tainted compared to the likes of you. What he wanted was above any voice of reason. 
Fuck it, he was tempted by the thought of ruining you. 
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Bill Weasley had to wonder how he got himself in this tricky predicament as he settled into a bed miles away from home. With age came maturity and emotional growth, right? At thirty-one, he had years to leap over and meet his milestones. Clearly, he missed a couple landmarks because he felt as if he was trapped in the body of a fourteen-old boy who’d discovered pornography à la Wicked Witches Weekly for the first time.
Everything in his mind was just wrong, wrong, wrong. 
After the whole debacle with you walking in on him mid-shower complaining that your own room had flooded and him checking that it really had, you’d insisted on taking the couch in his own room. He pulled off his shirt and shut the lamp off. Then, he laid on his left side and tried to make out your figure on the couch.
He shouldn’t be thinking about having sex with you as you were peacefully asleep a few metres from him. He was supposed to be the epitome of your older, more mature (pretend) boyfriend who could will away an inopportune erection at any time. But what was consuming his mind right now was, well, the fictitious scenario where you did agree to share a bed with him tonight. There wouldn’t be a cold and empty space beside him. You’d be right up against him, unknowingly grinding up against his aching nether region as you combed through a bad dream, and teased out his erection further as a result. The fantasy echoed in his mind again and again until sleep finally caught up with him.
“Ngh, Bill,” you whined, your voice thick with sleep. 
You nestled into the cove of pillows, trying to chase away your bad dream. Your body followed suit. Your ass was turned towards him, giving him full permission and the ability to grind against you. He meant to be gentle, but his thrusts—like his breathing—were growing more rapid and frantic.
His hands weaved their way past your loose cotton top and landed atop your naked breasts. He was grateful that your shirt was cut so loose and short. His hands latched onto your breasts tightly, mainly out of lust and secondarily to find an anchor for his writing body. His calloused fingers began their usual routine of teasing your nipples. He pinched them occasionally as he continued to rub his stiff cock on your behind. You were responsive, both in the soft moans that left your lips only to be subdued by the pillows, and the wetness collecting in your cunt.
Your panties were fucking soaked. Bill could detail your folds through the slickness, and feel your spilling entrance through the thin fabric. And that thin fabric was the only thing preventing him from thrusting his full length into you. You writhed harshly when he pinched your left nipple again. The nub was standing at full attention for him. 
“What do you think?” asked Bill, voice husky as he asked in your ear. “Can you take my cock or will I have to stretch that tight pussy out?”
You responded with nothing more than shaky breath. You grinded against him, trying to shove your panties aside. “....want… your big cock inside me, Bill.”
That was all the confirmation he needed. 
One of his hands hastily left your breasts in pursuit of your panties. He shoved one side to join the other which gave him freedom to trail the head of cock against your cunt. How much better you felt without a fabric barrier was indescribable. The precum leaking from the tip of his cock met your own wetness. He felt like he was being enveloped in silk. And your opening swelled as if inviting him in, begging him to fill you up with his endless cum and impregnate you.
He dove two fingers straight into you, just to really confirm you were ready. He immediately began curling his fingers inside you, feeling the engorged, sensitive area inside that drove you wild.
“Your cock, Bill,” you whined.
His hand was drenched when he pulled his fingers out. Immediately, he replaced the emptiness with his cock. With one thrust, he entered you. You let out a sharp gasp. He knew his size was hard to take, and it always took you a minute or two to adjust to him. But he knew how much you wanted him to ruin you, begging him to fill you up to the hilt. And he could only oblige in those moments, watching as your eyes rolled back every time your orgasm washed over you. 
“Please,” you begged through gasps. “I need… need all of you inside me.”
Bill flipped you over so your face was pressed against the pillows. His hands spread your ass cheeks apart. He could see the tight ring of muscle that was clenched around his thick cock. He was really stretching you out. And as much as it hurt him to do, he pulled out.
“No,” you whined, your hand flying back to find and guide him back into you. 
“Patience,” he commanded. 
He ran the tip of his cock up and down your folds, gathering enough lubrication to meet your increasing demands. And when he felt it was sufficient, he slid himself back into you, pushing past the drier spot that was cutting him off halfway.
“Yes, that’s it, ah—,” you moaned, meeting him halfway for the last couple inches. Your ass raised in the air, desperate for more of him. You held yourself up with your elbows, using them to anchor yourself as you pushed back on him. You worked through the part of him that was thicker than the rest. It was always tricky, but how fast you got there depended on how horny you were, and tonight, you were insatiable.
“Fuck,” he whispered, feeling himself being enveloped by more of your sweet cunt. You were so helpless and needy for him. When he looked down again, he realized he was completely sheathed inside you. He began thrusting, the first couple of seconds working at a steady pace. He earned a few moans. Then, he pulled himself all the way out only to fill you completely again. 
“Bill!” you screamed. Your legs trembled as you clenched around him. He did it again, and again, so hard and fast, aching to hear those delicious screams. Wetness dribbled down your thighs and onto the sheets as you lost yourself in the pleasure. 
“Stop, Bill, I’m going to cum—”
Bill woke up with a jolt. His chest heaved up and down and his breathing was significantly laboured. When he grew accustomed to where he was—the Malfoy summer house in Nice—he looked over to you. You were buried under your covers, blissfully unaware of the lewd positions he held you in in his dreams. He hoped you didn’t hear his breathing, or that he hadn’t said anything weird in his sleep. 
He felt a severe ache between his legs. He had feeling this was the most intense erection he’d had in ages. He already knew he was intensely red and swollen. 
Maybe he needed to have sex with someone, anything that wasn’t his own damn hand, but he wasn’t fond of an anonymous hookup.
Curiously, he reached past the waistband of his briefs, looking for some sense of relief. He was pulsating hard and it was barely what, seven in the morning? He gave himself a stroke, gripping hard at the base and letting go near his wet tip. He suppressed a moan. An image of you, edging him with your tongue, came to mind. 
No, he couldn’t do this with you in the room. It would be most improper and he had to hold himself to a higher standard. Instead, he grabbed a newspaper on his nightstand. It was two days out-of-date, but he figured he should get up to speed with what was going on in Egypt. He was certain that reading about excavations and pyramids and uprisings would take his mind off things. 
Not more than a few minutes later, he heard some ruffling and kicking about on the couch.
“Morning,” Bill greeted.
“Good morning,” you said, rubbing your eyes. “How’d you sleep?”
“Very well,” he responded. A fucking bold-faced lie. “You?”
“I slept well, too.”
You were all bed-headed, doe-eyed innocence in the white sheets and he was corrupt was hell.  
You got on your feet and pushed open the curtains, letting the sun fully stream in. Bill gulped silently, watching your legs sway around the room. Fortunately for his sanity, you had on some white shorts. Unfortunately, they were so short that any unplanned movement could reveal your panties, and he wouldn’t be able to stop there. 
“We usually eat breakfast together downstairs," you yawned, covering your mouth, “but maybe some caffeine is in order first. I’m still waking up.”
“A morning swim is the best way to do that,” Bill suggested. He was really treading a fine line with that suggestion; he was adding fuel to his own wildfires. He really loved the idea of a morning swim, he really did. But there was the bonus aspect of you having to be properly suited for the occasion, and you weren’t going to do it in those itty-bitty shorts and a tank top.  
“It’s one of the things I miss about Egypt that we don’t have back home. And it helps quell the heat, too.” He, honest to Merlin, did do this in Egypt. But not for any underlying reasons. 
“That’s a good idea,” you said with a nod. “Let’s do that.”
When you arrived at the private stretch of beach, Bill watched as you slowly unwrapped yourself from the shawl you had on. When you found the will to submerge yourself, even if it was just a toe, he approached from behind you.
“Gently grazing the water isn’t the definition of a swim, you know,” he said, lightly tapping the inward curve of your bare hip.
“I know,” you mumbled back, a tinge of pink on your cheeks. 
He jumped in without thinking and you soon followed suit. He submerged his whole body into the pristine waters of the French Riviera. When he resurfaced, he was treated to a view he was sure he didn’t deserve. 
The wet, white material of your bikini clung onto the skin of your breasts like it was a matter of life or death. Drops of water dotted down your cleavage, slowly, tantalizingly so. The weight of the water dragged your bikini straps down, giving him an expansive view of your breasts. And was that an erect nipple poking through? The cold water must’ve teased it out. 
Yeah, the swim was a bloody awful idea. 
“You’ll never catch me, (Y/N),” he teased. He sent another wave of water towards you to stall you, laughing as you squeezed your eyes shut and sputtered.
“This means war, Bill!” you cried. You outstretched your arms to pull him back towards you. You were aided by a little current that carried you closer and your fingers finally made contact with his strong shoulders
“Ha!” you exclaimed, your fingertips getting a grip on him. “You’ll be sorry!”
He held his breath as he fell back into the water with you on top of him. When he felt sand and little pebbles dig into his back, he knew you’d both arrived on shore. Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw you directly on top of him. Your wet hair grazed his cheeks and—
It wouldn’t be technically wrong to say you were grinding on him, not with the way your legs were splayed on both sides of him and the pressure you were putting on him. Your breasts were planted on his chest, and he could appreciate the clothed erect nipple on his skin. And as he looked down, there was more to see of your breasts than before. One wrong move and he would have a full view of the girls. It would be such a shame if your top came undone. But never mind that, he had to resist to urge to plant his hands on your hips and—
“Bill, it’s too deep,” you whined.
Bill’s hands were planted firmly on your hip bones, holding you down, forcing you grind on him with his cock deeply planted in you. You’d enveloped him to the hilt before, but you’ve never had him like this before, not in this position, and it was becoming too much.
“I think you like it, (Y/N),” he said with a chuckle. You looked down, embarrassed at the sudden spurt of wetness that ran down your thigh from your sex. As he began thrusting, you lost any sense of speech besides the ability to give a silent moan. When one of Bill’s hands loosened their grip on your hip to tease your engorged clitoris instead, you threw your head back.
The moment you’d realized how you’d fallen, you yelped immediately and apologized. 
“Time for breakfast?” you offered impassively, carefully looping your other leg over and rolling yourself off him. Sand stuck to the side of your wet legs. You offered him a hand.
“About time for it,” Bill responded as you pulled him up. 
“That was fun,” you commented, wrapping the beach towel over yourself and slipping into your sandals. “Better than my usual idea of a swim.”
Bill hummed in agreement, saying, “your idea of a swim isn’t much of a swim,” and followed you back into the house.
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When you were back in your room, you’d dried off hastily, saying you were going to be late to breakfast.
“Is there a set time for breakfast?” he asked, eyeing as you flew around the bathroom looking for a comb.
“Not really, but it’s always at eight, and I was already chastised for being late yesterday.”
He had suppressed a comment about how beautifully haphazard you looked. Your hair was half-tamed, your cheeks flushed. You looked like you’d just had a good long romp in the sheets. 
“Then I’ll join you in a second,” he promised. “I’d like to look a little more presentable for your parents.”
“You look fine,” you commented. “But that’s alright, I’ll let them know.”
When you’d left the room, Bill headed straight to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and removed his clothes. As he felt his hardening cock spring loose, his frustration grew tenfold. He shouldn’t have suggested the swim; he was going to lose circulation to his brain if you kept turning him on like this. He stepped in the shower and placed his left forearm on the wall. His right hand reached out to stroke his uncomfortable erection. 
“Fuck,” he whispered to himself. Drops of cold water ran down his back as he leaned over. He was so close already and thinking about your body atop of his, your wet cunt pushing down on him, begging to be fucked, was really expediting the process. “Shit.”
In no time, he felt the intense pressure break. He bit down on his lip to keep from making too much noise. Ropes of cums spurted out of his cock, falling into the shallow water that’d accumulated in the shower base. He heaved, his heartbeat rapid, as his strokes slowed.
When he looked down at the mess he’d made, he could only think: ‘what a waste.’ It should’ve gone into some orifice of yours instead. Maybe your mouth, where his hold on your head would be iron-clad, and he’d make sure you swallowed every single drop. Or even better, your cunt, where it would all spill out on the sheets the moment he pulled out because it was just too much for you.
When Bill felt himself harden again, he cursed the higher deities. He’d never recovered this quickly before. Again, not since he was a teenage boy. And there was what, another two weeks of you frolicking in bathing suits and sun dresses? 
You were slowly and surely going to be the death of him.
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voreaholics-anonymous ¡ 7 months ago
Text
The Vore Enneagram
Preds
Type 1's: have very, very high expectations for their prey, and they know exactly what they want out of them. But don't worry, they hold themselves (and probably other preds) to a similar standard. They're going to be picky, but that pickiness best serves them to heighten their enjoyment. Their way is the right way, and they would rather miss out on a meal entirely than do it wrong.
Type 2's: are going to be the most loving, caring preds you can find. They will coo at and coddle and ease their prey into their guts the whole way because they want the prey to love them. They're hopeless romantics who will probably take the time to connect to their prey before eating them. Very unlikely to take unwilling prey, unless they're convinced that they can make them willing before they're digested. Also the most likely to be associated with safe vore where the prey isn't digested.
Type 3's: want to be the best pred (either in the eyes of other preds, or in the eyes of prey). Their self-worth is wrapped up in being a pred, they need the validation in some form or another, preferably in a measurable way. This could be their 'kill count', their size, a collection of trophies from their prey, you name it. Whatever they can do to to feel more superior than other preds, they'll do it. A 3 pred would never back down from a prey-eating contest, and they'll eat until they're about to pop.
Type 4's: wear being a pred proudly on their sleeve and make it their whole identity. In a world where everyone hates preds, a type 4 will own it in spite of everyone else. They might even enjoy framing how they're a pred as being a dramatic "bad guy." They're going to recoil at the mundane and try to find wild and crazy ways to devour their prey because they can't be like every other pred. They want to be seen for attention's own sake.
Type 5's: are probably going to be the most efficient preds of any other type. Not that they necessarily want to be the best (like a 3), but they do enjoy how good they are at it. This type is the most likely to have prey that they've captured in one way or another at the ready when they want them. In this sense, they see their "private stock" as a trophy to their competency as a pred. This type could also be the pred that just has to know what it actually feels like to eat someone and eventually just does it.
Type 6's: are kind of tricky...it could be that they're an unwilling pred that hangs around with other preds and feels like they have to eat prey to feel secure, it could be that a 6 pred is afraid of what they see as prey and have to eat them to be safe, they're just the most likely to have ulterior motives for being a pred, which is usually based in paranoia.
Type 7's: are the most carefree preds out there. "Whoops! I ate someone! Oh well!" This pred is very "no bad vibes allowed", and are going to be using vore as a way to keep themselves distracted from regular old life. They're the classic overindulgent pred; they eat more prey than they can handle and then they're pinned to the ground, groaning and full of regret as their prey digests, only to do it again next week, having learned nothing.
Type 8's: are going to be the emotionally unavailable preds that are blatantly uninterested in making connections with their prey. They will find it hard to be vulnerable at any point and will probably just eat you before you have the chance to see that side of them. They're also the most likely to be seen in public with a huge, squirming gut because they just don't care how they're seen. They won't make excuses or try to justify it to you; it's just who they are and you better not have a problem with it.
Type 9's: are most likely to find their comfort in eating prey. This type of pred isn't motivated by much and would rather take the lazier approach to mostly anything, especially prey. They're comfort eaters through and through, and you're their favorite meal. This is also the type most likely to be a pred unexpectedly when pushed too far. They see red, snap, and gobble up the closest meal because of all the resentment or anger that they've internalized.
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Prey
Type 1's: are the most disciplined and controlled prey. They take the whole experience of being prey very seriously, and they likely approach it with a sense of duty. They will likely struggle, but only enough to show their strength and principles before they submit. Being consumed can be about the greater good, or perhaps even a personal code of honor—they may feel that, in being eaten, they are fulfilling a necessary role or reaching a higher ideal.
Type 2's: are going to be the kind that offers themselves to a pred because they're just so infatuated with them. They can't be the prey for just anyone, it has to be someone that they've emotionally attached themselves to. Even if they aren't willing initially, an unwilling 2 might abandon their hesitation if a pred were to convey how much they would love to gobble them up. They will find themselves curled up in a stomach just to make their pred happy.
Type 3's: would be the most likely to put so much effort into being the most delicious prey they can be that they lose themselves in it. They would get off on being chosen out of a lineup to be a pred's meal. If a pred told them that they were the tastiest, most satisfying prey they had ever had, the 3 would have an ego flare that could be seen from space. That's the epitome of validation for a 3 prey and will have them moaning in their pred's gut.
Type 4's: like their pred counterparts, take pride in being prey because it makes them feel unique. With type 4 prey especially, they'll be drawn to the masochism of being a prey. They revel in the idea of how beautiful and final it would be to become food for another being and drink in the weird looks that they get when they proclaim that. 4's will probably love the idea that once they're digested, they become physically part of the pred, enshrined on their body forever as a reminder that the 4 gave themselves wholly to them.
Type 5's: are going to be very interested in knowing how it feels to be someone's prey. They abandon reason for the sake of knowing because they crave the feeling of competence. A type 5 will probably have some kind of preparation in place to escape a pred's stomach, whether it's a fantasy/sci-fi way or a leverage over the pred way, but ultimately they're the most prone to flying too close to the sun.
Type 6's: again, tricky. 6 prey are most likely to be unwilling because they're afraid of preds and being eaten. They're also probably the hardest prey to catch for a pred because they will take every precaution to avoid becoming food for them. Or, 6 prey could be so convinced that they are prey, that they go all in on letting a pred have them because they've been led to believe that's their purpose. Think kobold minion offers itself to dragon overlord.
Type 7's: are going to probably be an adventurous, willing prey initially, but then turn unwilling once faced the finality of it. Fantasizing about being prey is their escape and they probably get a lot of pleasure from it they're begging to be let out after the reality sets in. Though, it could be even sooner, with a 7 choosing (or trying) to bail out on it as soon as they see the pred open up their maw.
Type 8's: are most likely to either be the most unwilling prey you could want or to be assertively willing prey for unwilling preds. They will rage against their autonomy being taken when they're eaten, and they'll squirm all the way down, cursing, kicking, and berating the pred. If a pred wants a fight from start to finish, they can't go wrong with an unwilling 8. On the other hand, an 8 that owns being prey will likely be the one that gets a meek, unwilling pred to eat them one way or another.
Type 9's: are going to be your stereotypical passive prey. They likely won't really stand up for themselves when faced with a pred of any type, and are likely to be willing prey (whether they truly want to be or not). A type 9 would probably just go along with whatever their pred wants because it's just the easiest way to go. They have to be pushed pretty far to fight back, so if a pred wants an easy meal, a Type 9 prey is their best bet. Just don't expect as much squirming from them, at least until their survival instincts kick in.
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miraculouslbcnreactions ¡ 11 months ago
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Thank you for answering my Origins Dragon!Marinette and Turtle!Adrien question! Please don’t worry about disagreeing with the idea; I asked for YOUR opinion and analysis on why it would OR wouldn’t work, and that’s what I got. 😌 It also made me consider meta and in-show stuff that I hadn’t before, which is cool. You mentioned wanting all of the Kwamis to be part of some sort of set of two or more, and I’d love to hear what those sets are in your head going down the full Chinese Miracle Box list and why you’d pair them together with consideration towards both the Kwami themselves and their Powers.
(Post this ask is referring to)
Oh good, I'm glad that you found it useful and not discouraging!
Talking about how to pair the Kwamis is a little tricky because of an issue that I've discussed before. That issue being that the "Chinese" miracle box seems to be about as Chinese as fortune cookies. That makes me uncomfortable because - as far as I'm aware - the Chinese zodiac is a major part of Chinese beliefs and traditions. As such, I personally feel like the box should reflect those beliefs and traditions, but I also don't know those beliefs and traditions, so I can't tell you how I'd effectively group the zodiac Kwamis in order to honor their cultural origins. I can't even be sure if my criticism is valid or just me being overly cautious!
In an ideal world where I had money to invest in this sort of thing, I'd hire a cultural consultant to work with me to design a Chinese miracle box that feels Chinese (or to tell me that I'm overthinking this and to just do whatever I want). Assuming that I'm not overreacting, this would probably mean redesigning a lot of the powers and looks so that they honor Chinese lore and not Western lore.
For example, one thing that I know for sure is that black cats are not unlucky in China. They're actually symbols of good luck (all cats are), so a Chinese box would not have the implied good luck/bad luck thing that we get with Ladybug and Chat Noir. My limited research has also raised some doubts about ladybugs being a go-to symbol of good luck or creation in China, but I'm a lot less confident about that one being a bad choice as the association may exist. I couldn't find anything definitive one way or the other. This leads me to think that, if the association exists, then it's probably a bit obscure, meaning that a Chinese box would probably go with a different animal if we were trying to be culturally accurate to what a Chinese-inspired box would really look like.
I can say with reasonable certainty that Creation is associated with the masculine yang and Destruction is associated with the feminine yin, so Tikki should possibly feel masculine to feminine Plagg. At the very least, their spots in the miracle box should probably be reversed with Plagg in the black and Tikki in the white since yin is black and yang is white?
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[Image Description: center of the original miracle box showing that ladybug earrings are placed in the black part of the yin yang symbol while the black cat ring is in the white]
I also known that white rabbits being associated with time, watches, and umbrellas comes from Alice in Wonderland and not China. Are you starting to see why I'm doubting the cultural accuracy of the miracle box?
The alternate way to approach this is to remove the possible issue of Chinese culture being treated as "mystical" or nothing more than ornamentation by making the Chinese miracle box into the miracle box of no specified culture. Since that's kind of what the box already is in terms of deeper meanings and cultural ties, I think we can go that route for this discussion since we have taken a moment to acknowledge the potential issues with the box's existing design and why that's leading me to take this route as - to me - this seems to be the only way to stick to canon's lore while avoiding potential further insults to Chinese culture.
If we went to my ideal extremes with this approach, we'd actually massively cut down the number of miraculous in the box because I think that there are way too many miraculous! Who needs nineteen "unique" powers to arm and fight one villain? This is extra true since there's no real theme to the miraculous beyond the initial setup of Creation/Destruction + five random powers followed by the addition twelve more random powers with no clear ties to any culture or theme other than the look of the Kwamis that grant the powers.
But that's getting real extreme, so for this ask, we won't go there. Instead, I'll talk about some general ideas for grouping the powers that we already have and some ideas for how you could fix the randomness of our current powers to make them feel like they make sense.
To start, I love the fact that our two main heroes are supposed to be a pair power wise. That's a lovely way to approach your lore and is why I think that they should have grouped the other miraculous, too. Why are Creation and Destruction the only set? Why aren't the others in any sort of group? Why do these miraculous have the powers they do? What ties them to this box and not another box?
There are a few ways to approach pairing the other miraculous. You can come at it from a theme perspective such as the fact that both the snake and the rabbit are all about time. You can also look for opposites such as the turtle being all about defense and the dragon being more about offense. You can even go more broad and say that a given group of miraculous is all aspects of one type of power such as the peacock, the goat, and the ladybug all feeling like aspects of creation. There's really no clear way to go about this because the current powers are so freaking random!
When I approach this stuff, I don't just come up with powers. I come up with the lore and let that help guide the powers or I shape the lore around the powers I want to use until both things make sense. For example, it makes sense that Creation would have some magical being guiding it. It also makes sense that Creation would either create Destruction for balance or that they both popped into existence together so that there was always a balance. Once you have that, you say, "Okay, what other Forces would these two want in order to help guide the universe? What can't they do or what do they do consistently enough that they might want to hand it off?"
Going from there, you start to come up with ideas like maybe they wanted Time to have a physical embodiment so that they could get some guidance on the long term effects of the things that they were making, so that's Fluff coming online. But Time is a lot and they liked their balance, so maybe Sass was brought online too in order to balance Fluff with Fluff being focused on what was and what could be while Sass is focused on what is, thereby giving Fluff someone to ground her. Or maybe you even add in a third Kwami to be some sort of historian who remembers the past while Fluff is the future and Sass is the now.
Another thought path is that most things are not pure Creation or pure Destruction. You must destroy to create. When you make bread, yeast consumes sugar to create air bubbles. Creation and Destruction working together. So maybe Tikki and Plagg wanted to make "children" who could do what they couldn't do solo and that's how we got the peacock?
No matter how you go about this, I really don't think that there's a great way to explain/group all nineteen miraculous, especially if you add in the eagle and Fei's wacky prodigious with it's animal abilities. It's just too random! But I do think that there's a lot of potential in strong subsets of the ones we get in canon, especially if you're allowed to edit the powers or the Forces a bit to make them fit their supposed Force or granted power better. I've talked before about how I'd mess with Lucky Charm to remove the odd Luck association and focus on Creation and that's what I'd do with most of the miraculous because, right now, most of them don't make much sense.
For example, Ziggy - the goat - is supposed to be the Kwami of Passion and that somehow gives the power to create anything you want? I know creatives are passionate, but that still doesn't fit in my mind. It would make more sense for this to be an inspiration power like the pig or for the Force to change to Creation and Ziggy is just a lesser ladybug for some reason? And Stompp - the Ox - is Determination, but I'd actually label his shield power as an aspect of Protection, making him in some sort of pairing with the turtle. Self defense verses defense of others?
In short, the canon lore is a disaster that needs major work to feel solid which leads to lots of paths for fixing the mess. In my opinion, the best way to go about fixing it is to take the element that worked best - the Creation/Destruction pairing - and expand that out to make strong, logical lore for the other Kwamis and their associated powers. Lore that probably won't be rooted in any one culture because no culture seems to be a solid match for the lore that canon is using, which is only concerning because of the current obvious associations with China and that's not even touching on the whole Tibetan monks + Chinese culture issue. Go check out the post I linked at the start for my thoughts on that which basically sum up to, "I am not even remotely qualified to talk about this one, but it seems like a terrible idea."
(Once again, reminder that I'm not Chinese or otherwise deeply informed on Chinese culture. I'm just a person who tries her best to respect other cultures and the miracle box sets off a lot of warning bells for me. Those warning bells could always be a false positive, so you shouldn't take my thoughts as some sort of final say on this topic. Please feel free to look into this on your own and form your own opinions.
If you are Chinese or otherwise educated in these topics, then please feel free to reblog this or send an ask giving me some additional context as I really do love learning about this stuff, but it's near impossible to research! I spent a good hour talking to a local librarian trying to find books or articles in our library that talked about the Chinese zodiac from an academic perspective and we found nothing. I've got a few interlibrary loan requests out to academic libraries in our library network though and I'll follow up on this if those books end up having information that adds to the discussion.)
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mmmmalo ¡ 6 months ago
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Been reading all of your psychosexual analysis of homestuck + it's characters and god this stuff is fascinating. It can be real hard to find any writing on sexuality, kinks and fetishes in fandoms but it seems that hs is almost like a gold mine when it comes to this topic thanks to the coming-of-age theme. The murder = sex post hasn't left my head since I read it and now when I see any scene mention / involve either of the two I can't help but think about how the other could be relevant. Never thought suicidal ideation could be so masturbatory before this.
Glad to say your posts have helped me get a slightly better understanding of anything I read. I'd never really thought much about things like positioning of characters in frames / panels, sequences of events and choice of words since I didn't really care for literary analysis before I got into homestuck. Sort of a 'came for the cool flashes, stayed for the writing' type situation, which is a pipeline that makes me thankful for the animations Hussie made because I'd only ever inferred that the writing was bad from conversations I'd seen people having about hs.
Anyway, you talked about how Rose's fear of drowning (loss of control) correlates to her non-con kink and now I'm wondering what you think the other characters fears suggest about their sexual interests? I'd assume John's fear of heights has something to do with the fall, and from there some sort of corruption kink / a fetish for anything generally 'sinful'; which would explain his interest in 'bad' girls like Vriska (and the way he eagerly adopts her mannerisms).
The planets tend to include each kid's fears / insecurities so it's not exactly hard to figure those out, but I'm not sure whether I'm making the "right" connections, since I'm just making the best with what I have (bare minimum literary knowledge) and homestuck makes a lot of references to outside works.
Extra request: if you've got any good books / posts / articles / whatevers on psychosexuality or such please tell me. I'm curious and bored
I'm glad you're getting something out of the blog! Goofy fetish talk is kind of rare, but it is striking when you find it: I watched Good Luck Chuck at Karkat's recommendation and that turned out to be a central motif. Sex/death substitution is a bit more common... here's a write up on Pulp Fiction you might like. You might also like these posts by SMG on Prometheus, he is the one who introduced me to a lot of the storytelling strategies I discuss on this blog. More generally though, I recommend looking for articles about movies you like and adding "psychoanalysis" to the search -- if nothing else, it's an easy way to find people who take sexual symbolism seriously.
Evaluating your own accuracy is tricky, but I can only recommend that you regard your current model of the story as provisional. Even as you search for information that strengthens your current understanding of the story, you'll likely stumble upon another framework that works just as well or better. Keep an open mind, some things have multiple answers
Re: fear-becomes-fetish motifs, the last major piece I wrote in this vein was about Dave, I think? It's kind of outdated though. My focus on individual psychologies faltered as I reoriented myself towards like, similar fear>fetish material on a societal level. One example: people inclined to worry about being Replaced by other races are the impetus for miscegenation porn, which repurposes feelings of resentment and inferiority for titillation -- this gets channeled into the "black always mates white" narrative of doom in Sburb, Derse (black) launching "seeds" at Prospit (white)/Skaia, Caliborn sexualizing his predomination over Calliope, etc. You can see traces of this narrative show up in characters like Kanaya (who agrees with Eridan that race purity matters, only to be haunted by cuck jokes like Watching Oblong Meat Products Tumble Into Places They Dont Belong) but its not like she even knows what black people are -- she's an alien. So when she tearfully agrees that Dirk can take better care of her wife than she ever could, it only /refers/ to the miscegenation porn structure, casting Kanaya as the impotent observer suffering yet another Lalondian "black out". There's a degree of abstraction at play that makes it difficult to say Kanaya "has" the kink being discussed through her, at least not in its entirety.
All of which is to say that while the kink angle is occasionally useful, it's not my current approach. Like you technically can link Jade's fear of lightning to her being a furry, but despite John explicitly referring to furry as a kink thing (and Jade having a daughter named Yiffy), the earliest reference to furry stuff is better parsed in terms of misogyny and transphobia, imo. You might be able to find more stuff indicating that Egbert secretly enjoys the Fall of Man (like her professed love of apocalypse movies, or the cheeky Save Rose From Corruption roleplay), but also the entry item could indicate a fixation on the Adam's Apple in the throat, as an early hint of June motifs. Or maybe I've just been away from this methodology for too long, and Egbert's traumatic fall from the slimer pogo indicates that the fear of heights should be linked to manbro bukkake theatre??? Idk, but again, that's not really my element anymore
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thoughtfulfangirling ¡ 2 months ago
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Curious for your final thoughts on Til We Have Faces?
You know, I read his Narnia series when I was in elementary school, and I was a big fan. I also was pretty religious at that time. I'm now very much not, and I remembered a lot of Christian symbolism in the Narnia series, so I wasn't exactly excited about picking up Til We Have Faces. I knew nothing about it other than that you recommended it and that it worked under my 'classics' category.
And I really liked it! I'm not really sure what I make of the end or if I really like that, but I'm fine with saying I really enjoyed the book as a whole even if I'm not sure what I think of the end. I didn't know the story of Psyche, so I can't speak to what he did with the mythology, but the afterward referenced the story as it's well known, and I'm a big fan of 'what if the woman from this story actually did have a bigger role and a more nuance, complicated motivation around what happened.' It made me think of Lavinia, which was another sort of Greek story retelling.
When the story first began, and it was the doubting Greek versus the a believing pagan society, my interest was really piqued knowing what little I knew of Lewis. It was entirely not what I expected of someone who may use their writings to evangelize their beliefs, but this felt more, if anything personal, like a person exploring one's belief. Where does the modernity of the day meet the faith of belief? Which is so well placed in Orual, who is raised by a skeptic in her homeland of firm believers (I don't know what I think of her father's belief. I do think he has a sort of core instinct of belief but in the end a skepticism built out of self interest).
But most of all, I love the love she had for Psyche and how she let it take over everything. Redival may have been a pain in the ass from the start, but Orual really didn't attempt to get to know her, and I definitely think she did Redival a bit of a disservice for that. I love that we get to be in the POV of someone who can be pretty convincing about why she does what she does and think what she does and sympathize with her even while we know she's walking down a disastrous path. I adored her hopeless love of Bardia. Hopeless in that she never got back the kind of love she desired, but he absolutely did love her back. Honestly all the relationships that felt convincingly of having love in them were deliciously complicated and messy and great.
LOVED the solider queen stuff! Young Furi would have forgiven all the perceived slowness of the start for that!
I was thrilled at the temple to Psyche and their version of events. How wrong it was while still having enough of the truth that you could see how someone could listen to the story from Psyche herself and come to the conclusions. And if we're generous to Psyche and think she tried to put a nice spin on Orual's actions, how easy it would be for a listener to assign malicious intent. Afterall, there was some wasn't there.
But then yeah. That ending was... strange. Not sure what I think of it. That's when it felt like it veered of to perhaps some moralizing. When their god got turned into just Orual and there was some Other Ultimate presence she was supposed to have just trusted all along, but it's okay that she didn't yada yada XD It walks a tricky line of leaving Orual's tragedy of never seeing or knowing Psyche again but getting to tie that knot in the story, but I'm not sure I think it was done well.
And to leave the story off with someone else ending it and speaking of trying to get the story off to the intended audience is soooo interesting. Especially when I think Lewis intends Greeks to sort of be the stand-ins for 'Western' and how I think The Fox's thoughts are what he believed likely most aligned with those of his readers. The idea that WE are the intended audience but that this is so because we are strictly not among those the story was written, by and large, about? Lots to mull over. I don't know that I plan a re-read anytime soon, but I think the story would benefit a lot from a reread!
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stilljuststardust ¡ 6 months ago
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hii i would need some advice.
after finding out about manifesting it became tricky for me to care about the 3D, not only in the good way but also the bad. like - I dont do stuff because i tell myself that I have it anyways you know. im still taking the Basic care of myself but i stopped studying and doing anything, I kinda just bedrot because "i already have it all" why would i do anything. I dont know how to battle that and logically tell myself to do something.
thank you
Why manifestation doesn't mean nothing matters:
I went through the same thing and the truth was that I cared very much about the 3D I just was depressed and deeply nihilistic.
I want to address the beliefs you've stated about manifestation but I think you should focus on the underlying mental health issue. This has all the traits of a depressive episode and should be treated as such. I am addressing the manifestation aspect because clearly it has been fueling your episode and I hope that this will help change your perspective even a little.
"the 3D doesn't matter" is a really common phrase. When I first heard it I wasn't familiar with loa and it was instead something a friend kept repeating. It scared the shit out of me.
The phrase is meant to convey that circumstances zre never able to prevent your manifestation and that you get to determine what you want in your reality regardless of whether or not it has physically manifested yet.
What it accidentally ended up becoming was "nothing is real nothing matters" which if you have any kind of mental health issue is a deeply triggering phrase.
The 3D isn't worthless it just isn't a factor in whether or not you can manifest something. The 3D is real. The 3D is something that matters because it matters to you.
The 4D isn't some mystical far off land, it's literally just your thoughts, visualizations, and internal experiences, and I doubt that those are all in alignment with your goals right now. When I was depressed my inner monologue was less "my life is so great" and more "why aren't I doing more" so that feeling piled up on itself and bled into my 3D until I wasn't doing anything.
The 3D is malleable and you can manifest anything within it yes but why should that mean you can't care about it? If you're manifesting it's probably because you care about your life and want it to improve.
To be clear I don't believe that nothing matters but even if it didn't why should that mean we give up on the things that make us happy? Nothing matters so do whatever the fuck you want. This doesn't make you happy so why should you do it if suffering is also meaningless?
The underlying mental health issue:
Disclaimer: I'm not a professional anything I say about depression is from personal experience. Please seek professional guidance.
This has all of the common signs of a depressive episode. It seems to me that you have a serious underlying mental health struggle and you've been using "nothing matters" as a way to justify staying in it.
I would like to start with: there is nothing wrong with you and this is not your fault.
There definitely was a time I thought the same way because I was scared to try to get better. Starting recovery can be scary because often there is a backwards comfort in leaning into it because you're no longer putting pressure on yourself to "do better".
"Nothing matters so why should I try" isn't loa, it's nihilism, and a very common mantra for those suffering with depression. You're not alone in thinking it.
If you want my advice as someone who's been there:
Obviously no advice I give you is going to cure you but I can give you tools that helped me.
Meet yourself where you're at. Don't try to go from bed rotting today to climbing a mountain tomorrow. It's like how you can't jump from the first level to the boss fight of the video game. You don't need to have all of it under control your goal should start one step above where you're at. So instead of a whole list of things you need to catch up with just start with showering or your hygiene. Keep that as your only goal until it's become a normal part of your life again and implement new goals in a similar way.
Every video I ever watched on self improvement overwhelmed me with everything I wasn't doing. The weight of my expectations for myself was the heaviest part of my episodes. Eventually I committed to the idea that I had only one responsibility and it was showering, anything else is just a bonus. Be kind to yourself. If all you change is the way you talk to yourself about it you will feel better. It's easy to fall into cycles of beating yourself up for everything you wish you were doing but that isn't benefitting you in any way. Give yourself some compassion.
Links
Against nihilism - john green
How to handle the 3D when manifesting
Mental health subliminal
36 notes ¡ View notes
lincolndjarin ¡ 2 years ago
Text
Oh Honey. ✩ Chapter 2
chapter two : beware the jabberwock
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series masterlist ao3 kofi main masterlist
a/n : took a while to get out but here is chapter two !!! i have a lot of fun writing this fic bc the pacing is so much different than bks but i'm excited to get this chapter out bc i loved writing it so much and i'm so happy that people enjoy this fic so far !!
pairing : monster!joel miller x mortician!reader
rating : 18+ mdni - explicit content, read all warnings
word count : 15.1k (i'm so sorry idk what happened)
summary : new relationships are tricky, especially when your boyfriend likes to disappear for several days with no explanation.
warnings, etc. : dub con?? i'm gonna tag this with that because the sex is like weird in this?? a lot of it is angry or reluctant from one participant at times so i'm gonna tag it just in case, soulmates au, no outbreak au, language, graphic descriptions of violence, gore, fear, feeling of being stalked, feeling of being watched, me making up things regarding the embalming process, animal death, graphic description of the mortuary process, menstruation, derealization (sort of), smut, oral f!recieving, p in v, biting, just like a lot of mouth stuff lmao, cum eating, rough sex, degradation, sort of dumbification, joel is a bit beastly, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, praise, use of the pet name bunny, nightmares, periods, menstruation, joel is a terrible boyfriend, angry sex, injury, blood, blood drinking, manipulation, not a/b/o but something i made up that is sort of along those lines??, body horror, monsters, predator & prey dynamic, a lot of stuff happens this chap so i might have missed some sorry!!, no physical description of reader but joel is described as being abnormally strong and does pick reader up, there is no actual fucking of a monster yet we can't just do that right out the gate it's a thriller it destroys the thrill if they fuck immediately, that being said; this is a monster fucker fic - proceed accordingly
comments and reblogs are appreciated!
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You don’t sleep well after your dream.
Just staring up at the ceiling until the sun is starting to shine through the windows. 
Not that you’ve been sleeping well recently to begin with. And Joel suddenly feels less safe, the grip of his arms around you feels more like it’s trapping you rather than protecting you.
It’s Joel. 
Just take a deep breath. 
It’s Joel. Joel Miller. Sweet, handsome, kind, Joel Miller. Joel who came back, even though you assumed you’d never hear from him again. 
It was nothing more than a dream. 
Stop making up monsters. 
You slip out of his arms, quietly making your way over to the fridge to try and find something to make for breakfast. You haven’t gone shopping in a while, all you’ve got is half a loaf of bread and a few eggs. Good enough. Clicking the stove on you set a pan down, cracking the eggs with a small sizzle as they hit the metal. 
“Up already?” You didn’t hear him wake but when you turn he’s propped up on an elbow watching you. 
“Couldn’t sleep.” Not technically a lie. 
“Are you okay?” He sits up a bit and you can feel him sizing you up. 
“Yeah, I’m fine.” 
You aren’t really. 
But you can’t really tell him why, so why bother. 
He stretches his arms above his head as he gets up, making his way over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, and resting his head on your shoulder as you flip the eggs. 
“Hungry?” You’re desperate to think about anything but your dreams, as you speak his grip around your waist tightens. 
“I could eat.” You shudder for several reasons as his teeth graze your neck before nipping at you. 
“These should be done in a few minutes, I just gotta make the toast.” You laugh softly as the scruff of his beard brushes against you. 
He makes it too easy to forget your fears. 
“Mhmm.” The vibrations from his humming make you gasp, nearly dropping the spatula in your hand as he squeezes you for a moment. You work around his advances, putting the bread in the toaster as one of his hands slips under your shirt. 
“How many do you want?” You hold up the bread in front of him, trying to get him to pay attention but it’s getting difficult to stay focused on your task when something is currently pressing against your ass. 
“I think I’m fine with just this.” He squeezes the bare flesh of your torso making you yelp a bit as his hand drifts further up. 
“What happened to your third date rule?” He groans as you reach over to the stove, turning the burner off to keep the eggs from burning before turning around in his arms, your back pressed against the counter. 
“We should go to dinner tonight.” He smiles before leaning forward to kiss you but you put a hand between his mouth and yours. 
“What makes you think I’ve forgiven you enough to warrant another date?”
He pouts. His bottom lip sticking out a bit as he frowns. 
“Wouldn’t matter if I did anyway, it would only be the second date.” You shrug. 
“Last night was the second date.” He says rather matter of factly. 
“That didn’t count.” You can’t help the smile that threatens to form on your as his frown deepens. 
“So you wanna wait for two more dates.” 
Definitely not.
“Tonight?” For a brief moment you try and think of anything else you might be doing but you don’t exactly have a social life here in Honey. 
“S’gotta be, I’m spending tomorrow with Ellie and then I’ll be busy with work, gotta catch up on some things.”
Why would he need to catch up if he’s been busy all week?
“Tonight works.” Even after what he put you through you still feel the strangest pull towards him, dragging him to the table with you as you set down a couple plates. 
“I’ll be here at eight?” He sits, an accomplished look on his face. 
“Works for me.”
You have an uneventful breakfast. 
Neither one of you talks about his disappearing act. And eventually he has to leave for work and so do you, so he gets his things together once you eat.
“Get dressed, I’ll drive you to Maria’s, I gotta pick up Tommy anyway.” He takes a sip of whatever juice you had left over in the fridge as you nod, finding something clean to wear before following him out to the truck. 
He makes it too easy.
He smiles like everything is fine and he holds your hand as he drives.
“Have a good day at work.” You return his smile and he leans across the truck cab to kiss your forehead.
“You too, I’ll see you tonight.”
“See you tonight.” You wave at him as you walk up to the house, Tommy’s just leaving, giving you a pat on the back as he passes you before jumping in the truck with his brother. With a weak smile you watch them go. 
There are no bodies today.
It’s a paperwork day for both of you. You know Maria’s dying to ask about what happened but she never does, just staring up at you every once in a while, always looking like she’s about to say something before choosing not to. 
You decide to throw her a bone. 
“I’m having dinner with Joel tonight.” You can’t ignore the surprised smile on her face. 
“I’m glad you two seem to be getting along.”
“Yeah, apparently he got caught up in his work for a few days.” You try and get a reaction out of her but she goes emotionless, giving you only a hum in response. 
You don’t try to start another conversation after that until you say good night at the end of your shift. Giving her a small wave before stepping into the misty evening air. 
You keep your eyes on the trees the entire walk home but nothing seems out of sorts and before you know it you’re safe in the camper.
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You’re dressed and ready to go when the truck pulls up. You aren’t sure where exactly you’re supposed to be going but you’re ready nonetheless, deciding on just jeans and a plain tshirt. What you aren’t expecting is when Joel steps out of the truck with grocery bags and a grin plastered on his face.
“I thought we could cook together.” He says as he makes his way up the steps inside. 
“You know how to cook?” You try not to sound as surprised as you are but he just laughs. 
“I have two kids. I know how to cook.” He sets the bag on the counter and you open it, he’s brought bread, cheese, and cans of tomato soup. 
“What exactly do you plan on cooking?”
“Grilled cheese.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and any worries you had about tonight go out the window. 
“You really went all out for tonight.” You raise your eyebrows at him.
He nods, searching through the cabinets for a pan and a pot. 
“When you said cook together you meant you cook and I watch, right?” You lift yourself up onto the counter as he lights the stove. 
“Obviously.” He sets everything down and you watch him fish around the top of the fridge for a few seconds before pulling down a rather dusty old radio. “I knew she had one somewhere.” He grins as he sets it down beside you, plugging it in and fidgeting with the knobs until the static turns into music. 
You don’t recognize the song that plays but he does, as he hums along, opening the two cans, emptying them into the pot. 
You had been so nervous about tonight, nightmares aside, you had expected a totally different Joel, the kind of person who ignores you for a week and expects immediate forgiveness. But instead he continues to be just Joel. Joel, who’s very presence lulls you into an overpowering sense of comfort. The moment he stepped inside the camper the entire space became heavy with his cologne, everything smells like the forest, as if you’re surrounded by pine trees and not the four walls around you. 
“We should do something this week.” He turns to you as he butters the bread, setting it in the pan with a quiet sizzle. 
“Don’t you have work, and Ellie?” You tear open the plastic wrapper on the cheese, handing him a few slices. 
“I do, but I can get Tommy to watch her for a night.” He tosses them down onto the bread before opening a drawer, riffling around until he finds a spatula. 
You hum along to the music with him when the song changes to something familiar, watching him cook. 
He looks at home with you, like he belongs right here. 
You both laugh your way through dinner, it’s outrageous how charming he can be, he tells you about the house he’s building, and how his brother ordered the wrong kind of cement. (You didn’t know there was a wrong kind.) And he tells you about how Ellie’s picked up some curse words, apparently there’s quite an argument happening between the Millers regarding who she learned them from. 
You’ve always been hesitant to talk about work, especially on dates because you never know how people are going to react. Not everyone has the same relationship with death that you have. So when he says, how has working for Maria been? You aren’t exactly sure what to say. 
“It’s good.” 
“That’s it? It’s good?” He looks up at you, giving you that lopsided fucking smirk and you can’t help but just melt at the sight of it. 
“We’ve been… busy, lots of work the last few days, now we’re just funeral planning, this week we’ve got a funeral pretty much everyday, Maria’s swamped.” 
“What made you choose this line of work?”
You never really know how to answer that question. 
“Because I like to play with dead things.” Never gets the laugh you hope for, and the real answer just makes you sad.  
“I like to fix things.” You instinctively break eye contact, staring down at an uneven floor board you’d never noticed before under the table. “I like knowing that I can help people in that way, to fix them one last time.” 
For a moment he doesn’t speak, when you look back up at him he simply looks at you with something that resembles yearning. 
“That’s nice.” 
You’re glad he thinks so. 
He takes the dishes, rinsing them in the sink despite your protests. 
Your palms are getting clammy. 
This is, by his count, your third date. 
Is it weird that this feels scheduled? It was different when you’d brought him home after your first date, that felt natural, your body innately wanted to be with him. How do you even start this kind of thing when it feels so planned? You both know what you want but it feels strange to just outright say, so is this the part where we have sex? 
He dries his hands on his jeans and clears his throat as he turns back to you, holding his hand out, you aren’t really sure what he’s doing until he pulls you up from your seat, wrapping his other arm around your waist.
It isn’t the kind of song you can slow dance to, it’s fast and upbeat.
But as far as you can tell, Joel isn’t the kind of guy who dances in the first place, so you bring your free hand up to his shoulder and join him in his attempts to dance. 
I heat up, I can't cool down
You got me spinning
There isn’t a lot of floor space in the camper but he makes it work by holding you close and mostly just spinning you as he nods along to the music.
'Round and 'round
'Round and 'round and 'round it goes
If his goal was to put you at ease then it’s working, any remaining nerves you have fizzled out completely. You laugh in earnest, not out of fear, as he bumps his nose against yours. 
Where it stops nobody knows
Every time you call my name
I heat up like a burning flame
Burning flame full of desire
Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher
He keeps his forehead flush with yours as you continue to sway your hips back and forth to the beat, the both of you laughing and spinning, you watch curiously as he closes his eyes, inhaling deeply. 
Abra abracadabra
I wanna reach out and grab ya
Abra abracadabra
Abracadabra
With a satisfied sigh he opens his eyes, his gaze going from simple infatuation to something darker. When the song ends he pulls you close, so you’re chest to chest and reaches over, turning down the radio. 
“So…” You can’t stop smiling as you stare at him through your lashes. 
“So.” He gently guides you, his hands on your hips as he walks you backwards until the backs of your knees hit the bed. 
“I’ve got a long day tomorrow, I should probably get some sleep.” You give him an exaggerated yawn and point at the bed, plastering a mock apologetic look on your face. 
“You’re really funny.” He leans down to give you a chaste kiss before picking you up. His strength is still a wonder to you. 
The way he throws you down onto your bed makes you erupt into a fit of giggles but he certainly isn’t laughing anymore as he drags you by your ankles to the edge of the mattress, a look of concentration on his face now. 
“Joel!” You shriek as you hear the tearing of the zipper on your jeans. 
“M’sorry.” He grumbles, making no effort to slow down as he tugs them down. 
He doesn’t sound sorry.
“It’s a zipper, just unzip it for Christ's sake.” His sudden change in demeanor leaves you a little breathless, in the blink of an eye he’s gone from remarkably gentle to practically unhinged.
“S’too late for that.” He groans softly as he kneels on the camper floor, throwing your legs over his shoulders. 
“You owe me a new pair-” Your voice trails off into a stuttered moan as his mouth latches onto the front of your panties, dragging his tongue over the wet spot that’s been forming all night. 
“We can go to the mall sometime this week.” He mumbles against your cunt before you feel his teeth grazing the fabric before tearing it apart completely. 
“Jesus, Joel!” Instinctively your hands grip his hair as he buries his face between your legs. 
How sharp are his teeth? 
He’s all consuming. Like he’s trying to lay claim to every single part of you. And he’s loud, it’s a good thing you don’t have neighbors. Lewd slurping noises as he laps at your dripping hole like it’s his fucking job. 
He flattens his tongue, dragging it through your folds, for a moment you aren’t sure what he’s doing, but it feels fucking amazing. The way his tongue moves in and out of you, occasionally drawing a lazy circle around your clit, it isn’t like anything anyones ever done before. It takes you a moment to realize that he isn’t necessarily trying to make you feel good (despite the effect it may be having on you,) you’re pretty sure he’s tasting you. 
Drinking you in. If he’s trying to get you off it’s only because he wants more. 
“S’ so sweet.” He mumbles against your thigh, biting the meat there making you cry out a bit before he returns to his work between your legs. 
“Joel- fuck, Joel please.” You manage to stutter out between gasps, when did he become so gruff? You never could have predicted that he would be like this in bed, his grip on you is certain to leave bruises and you can barely think straight after just a few minutes with his head between your thighs. The noises he makes as his lips wrap around your clit are down right pornagraphic. Your vision is starting to go white around the edges as he does the first gentle thing since he started, sucking that bundle of nerves almost lazily. Through shuttered breaths you manage to mumble out his name a few more times your vision whites out completely. 
You’re a little surprised at how quickly he manages to pull an orgasm from you, your skin coated in a thin sheen of sweat as you sit up, pulling him up by his hair as you crash your lips against his, tasting your own slick on his tongue. He moves so feverishly as you feel his hands spreading you again, teasing your entrance with two fingers before slowly pushing them in. 
“Joel- oh my god-” He silences your rambling with his mouth again, swallowing your groan once he’s knuckle deep inside you. His brows furrow in concentration as he starts to pump them in and out of you. “P-please.” You stammer out. 
It’s such a sharp contrast to the Joel you’re used to, he’s so… unruly. 
“So fucking tight.” He mutters before grinding his palm against your clit, pulling another series of gasps from your throat. “Such a pretty, tight, wet cunt.” He whispers against your jaw and you feel a third finger pushing into you. 
You hadn’t expected him to be so vulgar, turns out he’s only all southern manners outside of the bedroom. You’re starting to see stars all over again as you feel the stretch of his thick fingers, he nips at your jaw before pressing them in deep, focusing on grinding the heel of his palm into your clit until you’re soaking his hand, hands tugging at his hair as a second orgasm is ripped out of you with a shudder. Your head falls back with a noisy whine, you can’t decide if you want more or less, his touch burns your skin but you feel so cold without it.  
“Please, please Joel.” You exhale the words, scratching lightly at his shoulders with a whine. 
“Tell me what you want.” His voice is lower than ever and you watch as he unzips his jeans, shoving them off and taking his cock in between his fingers, still slick with your release. Your eyes go wide as he strokes himself a few times, he’s thick, hefty, you’re trying not to stare slack-jawed at the way he fills his own hand.  You grab the bottom of his shirt, pulling it off in an attempt to feel more of his skin against you.
“Fuck me… please.” You tack on the please at the end hoping he doesn’t make you wait much longer as you gawk at his pretty tan skin. You don’t even know where to look, you run your fingers through the coarse sprinkle of black and gray hair on his chest as he crawls further up the bed to hover above you.
He takes your thighs, pushing them up against your stomach, his eyes dark with something reminiscent of hunger. You hook your own arms around your knees to keep yourself in that position as he takes hold of his cock once more, guiding himself into you with a strangled groan.
“Christ…” He mumbles under his breath as he slides just the tip of himself in, your own breath hitching at the size of him. He tilts head town, pressing a soft kiss to your chin. 
He splays his palms out on your thighs, leveraging himself as he carefully rocks his hips back and forth, slowly working himself into you. The camper fills with the sounds of your collective noises. Joel is loud. Grunting and growling as he fully buries himself in your heat. 
He scans your face for signs of distress, tears pricking the corners of your eyes, the tiniest sting from the stretch pulls a whine out of you but you only nod as he stares into your eyes. 
“More, Joel.”
Once he has your approval he starts moving, setting a pace that for a few thrusts is slow before picking up. Quickly becoming downright brutal, every slam of his pelvis against yours drives his cock deeper into you. He feels as if he was made for this, he’s just big enough that it doesn’t hurt, simply an overwhelming feeling of fullness. 
Your body begins to tense up all over again, you wrap your arms around his torso as much as you can in this position, scratching at his back. He leans forward, going in for a kiss before moving around your face, kissing your jaw, forehead, nose, and temples. When he kisses the apples of your cheeks you feel his tongue darting out. 
Did he just lick up a tear? 
He snaps his hips forward, disrupting your train of thought, his teeth barred as he does so, eyes fixed on every one of your reactions. He’s practically snarling as you let your head fall back against the mattress, the head of his cock driving into your g-spot.
“Wanna come again already, bunny?” You make a real spectacle of yourself, hooking your legs around his waist, trying to pull him in deeper. “Greedy little thing…”
“Joel please-”
“Joel please.” He mocks. “Is that all you can say now?” You keen softly but he only grins as you tighten around him. 
“P-please…” You squeak out as he snaps hips forward once more. 
“Come again, I wanna feel this pretty cunt come.” He snarls against your neck, leaving a trail of bites until he reaches your shoulder, a particularly harsh bite has you crying out.
“Joel!” You grit your teeth, a wave of heat washes over you as you come one last time, you feel his tongue dragging across the bite mark. 
It’s all so close to being painful.
Your stomach aches from the overstimulation, and you register a faint stinging feeling when he laps at the bite. Your walls clench around him, strangling his cock, and his hands instantly leave your legs, gripping the sheets instead.  
“Fuck, fuck.” He barely pulls out in time, coming on your stomach. You reach down in your haze, scooping some of his load onto your finger before sliding them between your lips. 
Fucking salted caramel. 
Sweet and sticky on your tongue. 
He pants above you, watching with an intoxicated look as you dip your fingers into his cum over and over again until your stomach is bare.
He nudges his nose against yours, rubbing every part of his face against you for a few minutes. It’s wildly intimate and you're once again a little taken aback by his sudden tone shift. 
“Was that okay?” He drawls, once again searching your face for any indication that you might not be. 
You nod, beaming up at him and letting him rest the bridge of his nose on yours for a few moments more before you slip out of his arms, stepping into the bathroom. You relieve yourself before going to sort yourself out in the mirror. 
You’re bleeding. 
Where he bit you, two mirroring crescents, red and angry on your shoulder, leaking blood. 
“Shit.” You grab a handful of toilet paper, wiping it clean before rinsing it in the sink and returning to him.  
“Everything okay?” He’s pulled his boxers on, tossing you his shirt which you’re eager to put on. You don’t want him to see the bite. 
“Everything’s fine.” You crawl back up into the bed beside him. 
He stays the night, pulling you to his chest and caging you in with his arms. 
And you aren’t haunted by dreams. 
In the morning a part of you worries he’ll disappear all over again, you’re a little surprised when he texts you just a few minutes after he drives off.  [ can’t wait to see you again soon bunny ]
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Joel follows through on his promise. 
A few days later he picks you up from work and drives you to the outlet mall about an hour away, saying he needs to get some stuff for Ellie as well. Apparently she likes to throw plates so he wants to find the kind that suction onto the table. As he drives the radio plays a country song you don’t recognize which he hums along to as you watch the trees outside the window. 
“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you about my aunt.” He turns the music down once you start speaking. 
“Darlene? You probably know her better than I do.” He doesn’t seem very eager to talk about her but it only makes you want to know more. 
“Doubt it. All I know about her is that she wasn’t close with anyone in my family.”
“You weren’t close? But she left you her camper.”
“That’s why I need to know anything you might know about her, I know nothing.” He seems hesitant and you’re worried if you keep pushing it he won’t tell you anything at all. 
“She was a lonely old woman, had me fix things for her often, I honestly think she just wanted company.” His voice softens a bit as he says it. 
“She didn’t have friends here in Honey?” 
“Not that I know of, she was a bit of a shut in, sweetest woman I’ve ever met, just a bit… skittish. She worked from home and I’m pretty sure someone delivered her groceries. The only time I ever saw her outside was when I was fixing her roof and she sat in a lawn chair to talk to me while I did.” 
“She worked from home?” 
“Yeah, something on her laptop, I’m not entirely sure.” You’ve never seen a laptop. 
You’ve been living in the camper for nearly six months and you’ve never seen a laptop. 
But that’s not what interests you the most right now. 
“What do you mean by skittish?” You’re trying to gauge his reaction but he doesn’t seem to have one. 
“Maybe skittish isn’t the right word. Eccentric? Some of the kids in town called her ditzy Darlene.” His expression sours as he says it. 
“That’s horrible.”
“It was.”
“Why?” He seems more reluctant than ever but now you’re just upset on behalf of the woman who left you everything.
“She fed into a lot of the legends around town, and didn't seem to have any hobbies outside of monster hunting.”
“Monster hunting?”
“She was the only local who went to the gift shops, searching for a monster she swears she saw.”
Sounds familiar.
“Did she ever find any?” 
“Monsters?” He laughs. “Not that I know of.”
“Did you think she was crazy?”
“I think she was lonely, and I think when you spend that much time alone your mind can wander.”
“But did you think she was crazy?” 
“No.” He puts an end to the conversation by putting the truck in park. You hadn’t even realized you were there, the outlet mall is so small. His southern manners remain persistent as he jogs around the truck to open your door for you, holding onto you to provide balance as you hop out.
You aren’t sure where anything is so you just follow him, taking his hand in yours as you walk. He takes you into a clothing store you don’t recognize the name of and waits patiently as you try on a few different pairs of jeans. It’s been quite some time since you’ve bought new clothes so you get a few pairs, you’re worried it’s boring for him to just wait outside the changing room but when you walk out with three pairs slung over your arm he still looks happy as can be. When you go to pay he opens his wallet, silencing your protests with a reminder that it’s his fault you needed new jeans in the first place. 
After that he takes his time, the two of you walk hand in hand through each store, he doesn’t even look around most of them, seemingly content with just spending time with you. 
He manages to find a few rubber bowls with suction cup bottoms for Ellie as well as some spanish flashcards and you decide to get a pair of blue hiking boots, if you’re gonna be walking everywhere you might as well be comfortable. 
At the last store you stop at you find a nice perfume, spraying a bit into the air and inhaling. It reminds you of springtime, it’s light, floral, but when Joel catches a whiff of it he scrunches his nose up. 
“You don’t like it?” You set the bottle back down. 
“I like the way you smell now.” You frown, trying to remember what shampoo and body wash you’ve been using. If you recall correctly it’s just some generic brand you’d bought ages ago. 
“I didn’t know you spoke spanish?” You remark, pointing at the bag containing the cards, opting to just change the subject rather than give yourself a headache trying to remember. 
“I don’t, but Sarah does and she’s been insisting I teach Ellie while she’s gone, something about it being better if she’s bilingual.”
“I think that’s sweet.” You swing your arms a bit, keeping his hand in yours as he walks you out of the store and in the direction of the truck. 
“Of course you think it’s sweet, you're not the one with two daughters who will be using their secret language against you.” He takes his keys from his pocket, clicking the unlock button. 
“It’s not a secret language, if your baby can learn it then I’m sure you can.” He helps you up into the truck once more, shutting the door behind you.
It’s almost comically difficult to keep your hands off him when you’re alone, especially now that you have a taste for him. Even just being in the truck with the windows up is suffocating, the smell of his aftershave or his laundry detergent drives you mad the moment you’re stuck in an enclosed space with him. 
You slide across the truck so you’re in the middle seat as he pulls out of the parking lot. It’s like you feel sick when you aren’t touching him, like you’re suffering from this barely noticeable nausea and you don’t realize you were even dealing with it until it’s gone. 
You watch curiously as he keeps one hand on the wheel and brings the other to rest on your thigh. His shoulders relax the moment he does, his frown lines smooth themselves out a bit. 
He’s just so warm, and he’s so nice to be near. Today he smells like a candle you used to have, something you lit around Christmas time. He smells like cookies and peppermint. 
You can’t help but turn your head a bit, trying to discreetly inhale the scent of his jacket.
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To say that Joel Miller becomes the perfect boyfriend would be an understatement. 
He drives you to work, he sends you flowers, (which gets confusing in a funeral home.) he holds open doors, and he always texts you back. 
Quite literally everything gets better once he’s back in your life. 
You don’t get anymore mangled bodies, only a few from the nursing home and one from a nearby hospital, it’s mostly just funeral planning these days. You see Joel daily, Maria and Tommy seem a little surprised every time he dotes on you and you can’t help but wonder what he’s done to earn such a reaction, but he’s so sweet you hardly care. Between both of you working and him having a toddler you’re shocked he makes as much time for you as he does. You see him every morning when he takes you into work but he also insists on seeing you twice a week, whether it’s going out, or ordering in, or just dragging him into your bed, he always makes time for you. 
You even spend a little time with Ellie. Joel spends a lot of time with her at the funeral home so you often see her in little doses, she seems indifferent towards you which worries you until you realize she acts that way towards everyone but her father. It’s remarkable to watch him with her, he’s soft with you but with her it’s something else entirely. She sticks to him like glue and you’ve never once seen him look bothered by that fact, you assume she’d get bored just sitting in his arms but she never does. He likes to tell her jokes and you aren’t even sure she understands them but without fail she bursts into a fit of giggles every time he gets to the punchline. 
It’s good with him, everything is easier. Everything just sort of makes sense with Joel and for the first time in a long time everything feels right. 
Until the morning you wake up, a sticky feeling between your legs and an ache in your belly.
“Shit.” You roll out of bed, quickly shedding your clothes, tossing them into the laundry bin before texting Joel.
[ hot date idea for us, you drive me to the laundromat and then watch me do my laundry ] 
Setting your phone down you hop into the shower, washing away the blood with a groan, you spend far too long under the water, when you finally step out and check your phone you’re running late, you pull open the curtains a bit to see if Joel’s already waiting for you but much to your confusion you aren’t met with the familiar sight of the truck.
You had never really discussed him driving you to work; it was just something he’d started doing, you probably shouldn’t have expected it to be a permanent thing. 
You haphazardly pull yourself together, tossing on whatever looks clean before grabbing your phone and bag, rushing out the door. 
The cool morning air stings your face as you quickly walk down the familiar gravel driveway towards the home, you’re already preparing your excuse for why you’re so late but Maria doesn’t even notice as you step into the office, she’s busy on a call.
You recognize the look on her face, she’s talking to a family. You step inside, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from her desk as you wait. She seems to be at the end of the conversation. 
You couldn’t be more grateful that she takes care of telling the families. You’ve never been good at that kind of thing. She hangs up with a gentle, goodbye, smiling up at you as you try and imagine a situation in which your job was to deliver such terrible news. 
The ache in your stomach snaps you back to reality. 
Fuck. You forgot to bring anything.
“Any chance you have a pad?” You give her an apologetic look.
Based on her expression you’d think you’d just asked her for a lung. Several emotions flash across her face in an instant, but mostly she looks like someone who just solved a riddle that had been plaguing them for quite some time. She snaps out of it quickly though, giving you a curt nod. 
“Of course, let me just run upstairs.”
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It’s an older man, graying and wearing what is obviously hiking gear.
Poor guy. 
He’s torn apart, the worst you’ve seen so far, his limbs have all been individually torn off, they lay, separated from the rest of him on the table. 
It’s an open casket so you’re gonna be down here all day. 
You text Joel one last time before setting your phone down. 
[ gonna be pretty busy all day, got another bear attack, i’ll call you when i’m on my way home. ] 
With that you get to work, putting on your gown and gloves, and starting at the torn clothes. It’s hard to figure out where his clothes start and his skin ends with the condition his body is in but you manage to cut him out of everything so you can properly assess the damage. 
You’re getting used to seeing these messy wounds, the sight of torn flesh. It should be a pretty easy job all things considered. He’ll be in a suit so you’ll just reattach everything and no one will ever have to see the extent of his wounds. 
You check everything twice, making sure that you’ve got the left and right correct before you start sewing things back up. You try to mimic the way you saw Maria do it, careful and practiced stitches.
You finish the legs easily enough, both had been ripped off just above the knee, you’re about to start on the arms when you drop the needle in surprise. 
How didn’t you realize this before? 
You’ve been preparing these bodies for weeks now and you’ve never once noticed one harrowing detail. You’re used to tending to bodies that have already seen a pathologist. Bodies with their organs in a bag, with their blood drained, ready to be prepared for a funeral or cremation. And you’ve been so focused on doing a good job to impress Maria that you’ve failed to take note of the most obvious thing before you. 
There’s no blood. 
None of the bodies you’ve tended to from the bear attacks have blood, all of their organs remain intact but because Maria declares cause of death you know she doesn’t drain them. You’ve drained everyone who hasn’t been sent in from a bear attack. 
Maybe Maria drained them before you got in.
But that isn’t possible, you know that, you’d have seen the equipment, and you’ve gotten bodies straight from the scene, already drained. 
You reach over to grab a scalpel off the table. 
You shouldn’t do this. You could probably be fired for it, but as long as no one finds out you’ll be fine. All the damage to this cadaver has been done to its limbs, so hypothetically, if you were to slice open his chest you would see blood, dried or otherwise. 
So you do just that. 
You carve out a small, clean, incision vertically on his sternum. 
Nothing. 
You’ve got a pen flashlight that you shine into his chest cavity only to find his organs. Dry. 
He’s been completely drained of his blood. 
You stitch him up quickly, finishing the job as swiftly as possible before running up the stairs, mumbling a rushed excuse to Maria before running the entire way home. 
Joel doesn’t text you back. 
This isn’t happening, not again, he wouldn’t do this again. 
You feel like you’re gonna be sick. 
An image flashes through your mind. 
Joel.
Lips curled back in a snarl. 
No. That wasn’t real, it was just a dream. Although the line between the two has been getting blurrier. 
Joel isn’t out there draining people of their blood, that’s absurd, even if he goes missing and those dates happen to coincide with the days that you get bloodless corpses. 
It’s a coincidence. 
Or it isn’t. 
Maybe for one second you should just let yourself consider the possibility that something is terribly wrong. 
You thoroughly check the two bodies you get the next day. 
They come in together, a couple from out of state hiking in the park. Neither one of them bleeds. 
The day after that you wake up early and walk to the funeral home as the sun rises. You watch the hearse wheel in the body, and you make sure you’re the first person to see her. 
A tragically beautiful woman who appears to be in her late forties, maybe early fifties. 
None of her wounds are bloody, and when you open her chest cavity it’s like someone drank her insides with a straw. 
You’re nearly at your breaking point, nothing you’re looking at makes any sense. 
You spend that night in bed, unable to sleep as you try and figure out what the hell is going on. 
Joel doesn’t answer your calls. 
He doesn’t respond to your several angry texts. 
And something deep down within you tells you that asking Maria would be a mistake. 
You’re completely alone on this. 
So you call Maria and you tell her that you’re sick and won’t be in tomorrow. Then you look up the bus schedule in and out of town.
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The bus comes in and out of Honey twice, every other day. Lucky for you, today is one of the days the bus will be there in the morning, and return in the evening. 
The bus stop is empty when you arrive, the misty morning air clings to your skin as you stare out into the surrounding forest. 
Something is out there. 
And you’re gonna find out what it is.
You can’t keep being afraid, this is your home now, and you won’t be driven away by some imaginary monster. 
It starts to drizzle when you look out the window of the bus, watching Honey disappear behind you. 
You have a plan. 
Well sort of. 
You’re going to find some literature on the subject. You’re sick of feeling crazy so you’re going to prove yourself right. Something is very wrong in Honey, and monster or not, you’re going to figure it out. 
You don’t catch the name of the town you end up in, you just get off at the stop that looks the most tourist friendly, assuming that there has to be a book store somewhere in town. 
You only have to walk main street for a few minutes before you find it. 
It’s a quaint little shop tucked in between an attorney's office and a gift shop. 
Betty’s Books
Dimly lit and jam packed wall to wall with books, a small elderly woman sits behind the counter, reading a Stephen King novel. 
“Excuse me?” You clear your throat as she looks up at you over her wiry glasses. 
“How can I help you?” Her smile is warm, it fills the entire shop with an aura of comfort. 
You’re going to sound ridiculous. And the moment you do this you’ll be speaking it into existence. 
You don’t have any other options. 
“Do you have anything on local urban legends?” You try not to sound too ashamed but her smile never falters as she points. 
“Back left corner, dear.” 
“Thank you.”
“Let me know if you need anything else.” She’s already buried her nose back in her book before you turn towards the rest of the shop. 
You begin searching the shelves for anything that could possibly help you, there’s several different books on bigfoot and the loch ness monster. There are a lot of empty spaces between books and you have to assume that this is what most tourists are buying. 
People in search of ghosts and myths. 
Are you any better than them? 
Running out into the darkness, looking for a monster you very well may have made up. 
You look through a few more options before finally settling on a thick, leather bound book, you pull it from its place and stare down at the embossed cover. 
A Beginners Guide to Cryptozoology : West Virginian Monsters 
You aren’t going to find a better place to start. 
You move back towards the front, stopping in front of the children's section.
Lullabies & Poems for Bedtime 
A rabbit with a pocket watch, asleep under a tree, adorns the cover. 
Ellie might like that. 
Even if you’re madder than hell at her father. 
You grab the little white book, setting both onto the counter, paying before stepping out into the rain. You’ve got hours until the bus back to Honey returns so you quickly make your way to a diner across the street, keeping the books tucked into your jacket. 
A little bell chimes as you push the door open, sitting yourself at one of the free booths you set the books down on the table. 
The waitress brings you coffee and water as you set your jacket aside, you order a plate of fries just to give you something to do as you watch the rain on the diner windows for a bit. 
Eventually you know you can’t put it off anymore so you open up the book and sit back, taking care to read every single page, not wanting to miss a thing. 
The first thing you learn is that there are a startling number of unnamed monsters. 
It covers the basics in the first few chapters, mothman, bigfoot, chupacabra, and werewolves, but the second half of the book is entirely monsters with no names, only ink drawing accompanying the descriptions. For a while you find nothing, eventually ordering a milkshake which you sip as you skim the pages.
After two hours you’re about to give up when you stumble across a page that finally shows something familiar. 
A drawing of a body, mangled, with wounds you recognize. 
Five slashes across the chest, both arms completely torn off. 
This creature is thought to reside only in heavily wooded areas, it was speculated to be located in the southern United States for several decades before disappearing completely. 
Since then people have claimed to have seen this creature in many different locations although the majority seem to be centralized to the east coast of North America, resembling a lich, or a wendigo. 
When you turn the page the illustration of the monster stares back at you. 
It’s hard to make out what’s what and it looks mostly like inky scribbles but within those lines you see the creature you’ve been imagining. Long, sharp limbs, massive shoulders, and a face almost reminiscent of a humans, everything is just… distorted. 
While technically unnamed, there are many unique pieces of folklore attached to this specific creature. Witnesses claim to have seen this monster transform from human to creature and vice versa, as if they walk among us in their free time. 
What sets the creature apart from many other creatures of this variety is their affinity for humans. More often than not we’ve gotten reports of these creatures seeking out human mates.
We have several different claims from people saying they’ve seen the transformation happen right before their very eyes. One man claimed to have watched his sister in law turn at Thanksgiving dinner. Another says that he saw a cousin's boyfriend disappear into the woods during a wedding, transforming into a beast as he did. 
According to old legends there is thought to be a connection between these creatures and their mates, quite literally bonding them in blood. The males are believed to be linked to their human mates menstrual cycles; if they have one, the females are linked to their own. There are many different descriptions of what this means for human mates. Some believe that when this creature comes in contact with their mate that they permanently revert to their human forms. Others believe they’re hunger for flesh only grows after coming in contact with them.
But most believe that they eat their mate. Plain and simple. That their blood is more potent to them than anyone else’s, so much so that any love they may harbor for them is irrelevant, they are simply blinded by their bloodlust. 
Its victims often resemble that of an animal attack. Bodies torn apart, mangled, often believers of this legend are ‘disproven’ because of this fact, but there is always one thing that separates this creature's kills from that of an animal. Animals who eat their victims will do exactly that, eat them, this creature does no such thing, while it does massacre its victims it will rarely consume its flesh, preferring the taste of blood. 
There have been no confirmed sightings of these creatures and we have been unable to trace its origins or obtain any photographic evidence, maybe it really is just an animal. 
Monster or bear? It’s up to you.
It’s up to you. 
You slam the book shut.
It’s nonsense. 
Joel isn’t some blood drinking, period monster. But you came all this way, looking for a monster, and seemingly you’ve found it. 
You pick up the little book for Ellie, taking a sip of your coffee. 
Maybe it’ll make you feel better. 
You open it to find a familiar little song on the inside of the cover.
I know you,
I walked with you once upon a dream. 
You flip through it, mostly admiring the beautiful illustrations, they look like watercolors. There’s a frog with a crown, princesses with flowing gowns and witches grinning up at you from the pages. It isn’t until some random page in the middle that you actually stop to read the poem. The drawing accompanying this one isn’t colorful, only black ink, a drastic change from everything so far. 
Jabberwocky
By: Lewis Carroll 
It unsettles you to look at so you focus on the words instead. You know this creature, it’s from Alice in Wonderland. The poem is whimsical, you can imagine a child finding it rather entertaining should a parent read it with enthusiasm. You don’t have a parent reading it to you though, you’re alone, staring at the lines that have caught your eye. 
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
No more books today. 
When you check your phone there are no new notifications. So Joel is either a terrible boyfriend or a potential murderer. 
How comforting. 
Fuck it. 
You click on his contact.
[ TEXT ME BACK RIGHT NOW. OR WE’RE THROUGH. ] 
Monsters aren’t real. 
Joel Miller is just the worst boyfriend (soon to be ex-boyfriend) on the planet. 
It doesn’t help that you catch a glimpse of a tampon wrapper in your bag when you throw your phone back into it. 
It’s a coincidence. 
You can’t say anything to anyone about this, how would it look if ditzy Darlene’s niece showed up and started spinning stories of her own? You can’t do it, you know exactly what people would say. They’d say it ran in the family and they’d find a reason to be cruel to her even in death. 
So you take the bus home in silence. 
For the next few days barely speak to Maria other than polite greetings, you’re certain she doesn’t notice, both of you are swamped. You’ve got a body everyday the rest of the week and she’s up to her neck in paperwork. 
And Joel never texts.
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Maria’s juggling Ellie and trying to fill out papers when you get in the next morning. 
“Thank god you’re here, can you run upstairs and grab something for me, there’s a little makeup bag on the counter in the bathroom, I forgot it earlier and I’m waiting on a phone call regarding the couple we had.” 
“Of course.” You set your things down before reaching for Ellie. “Here, let me take her so you can do that.”
“You’re a lifesaver, thank you.” Almost as if on cue the phone rings the moment she says it. You head towards the stairs, the toddler in your arms scrunches up her face as if trying to recall your identity. 
“You know me, silly, I’m friends with your daddy.” At the mention of her father she seems to relax and you open the door at the top of the stairs. 
You’ve never actually been in this part of the house before, you’ve always stayed in the business section. You don’t get a chance to look around, the bathroom is the first door on your left. A bag the size of a pencil box is on the counter, you hand it to Ellie, her little hands play with the bag as you carefully bounce her in your arms. 
“Do you know where your daddy is?” You poke her in the belly making her smile at you for the first time. “Not gonna snitch?” You tickle her side, earning a tiny giggle. You let her play with the zipper as you bring her back downstairs. “Any bodies today?” You yell as you descend the stairs. 
“Had a cremation from the home this morning, I’ve just got a lot of papers, I’m planning six funerals simultaneously right now.” 
Six massacred corpses in six days. 
“Where’s Tommy?” Ellie puts up a bit of a fight for the bag but you set it down on the desk just in time to watch Marias grip on her pen tighten. 
Yikes. Must be a sore spot right now. 
“He’s got a work thing, left me with that little monster.” She uses the pen to point at the toddler who’s already starting to get antsy in your arms. 
If you’ve got no bodies today you might as well offer to help.
“I can watch Ellie if you’d like.” 
“Really? You don’t mind?”
“Of course not, want me to keep her upstairs? I’m sure you don’t want me watching her in the basement.” You laugh a little as she nods. 
“You really are a lifesaver, I don’t know how I managed without you.” 
“Oh stop, you clearly did just fine before I came along.” Your face gets a bit hot at the compliment. 
“I’ll be up in a few hours once I finish up here, you two have fun.” She doesn’t give any instruction beyond that so you just take Ellie back upstairs. You haven’t spent much time with her beyond the small interactions in passing but you know she doesn’t like doing nothing unless it’s with Joel. She’s trying to get out of your arms the second you’re at the top of the stairs. You set her down in the entryway and she’s already running into the kitchen. 
You don’t want to snoop but you actually get to take a good look around as Ellie settles in front of a pile of notebooks and a mess of crayons on the kitchen floor. It’s a pretty open floor plan, the kitchen and living room are all one big room and from the looks of it they must watch Ellie often, an outsider would assume they have a child of their own. A play pen is set up on the floor of the living room and toys are scattered everywhere. 
“Are you hungry, sweetie? Do you want something to eat?” There’s different snacks on the counter as you walk over to where she’s playing. 
“Yes please.” Her voice is clear and high pitched, you’re actually a little surprised, you didn’t even know she could talk, she’s always silent when you’re around. There’s an assortment of different things on the counter so you just find something that’s already open. Handing her a little container of apple puffs, she doesn’t look up from her drawings, just blindly reaching over and grabbing a handful as you sit at the counter to watch over her. 
She’s a very well behaved baby all things considered. 
You have to stop her from drawing on the walls a few times and at one point she stuffed a handful of food between the couch cushions but other than that she’s rather relaxed. She sits and draws mostly, only occasionally getting up and doing a few laps around the room before returning to her papers. 
At one point she makes her way to where you’re sitting, slapping your leg to get your attention until you pick her up, she points to the window above the sink and when you take her there she simply stares out at the trees. 
She’s focused on the woods as you watch her expression, her face is oddly serious. 
After a few minutes you set her down, unease filling your body. She doesn’t seem to mind though as she runs back to her drawings, you return to the counter, checking your phone for a few minutes until she appears in your peripherals once more, tapping your leg again, handing you one of her drawings. 
At several different moments this week you’ve thought that you’ve reached your breaking point. 
None of those compare to how you feel when you pick up the paper Ellie had been scribbling on. 
It’s crude and mostly indiscernible but you know exactly what you’re looking at. 
A monster. 
A broad shouldered, sharp toothed, crayon monster. 
You stare at the little girl, trying to keep your composure as you pick her up, setting her in your lap and pointing at the mess of scribbles on the page. 
You feel crazier than ever, asking a toddler for help but no one else is around and you’re running out of options. 
“Can you tell me what that is, sweetie? What did you draw?” You hand her the drawing back which she crumples a bit in her fist before setting it on the counter, you point again at the creature. “Ellie, honey, can you tell me what this is please?” You’re doing your best to keep calm as she kicks her legs a bit before staring up at you with a frown. 
“Daddy?” For someone so small she speaks so loudly and clearly, but you just shake your head. 
“I know, honey, you want your daddy, I wish I knew where he was but you’re stuck with me today.” You smooth out her hair a bit as she scrunches up her face, looking rather upset. 
“Tío.” She points down at the drawing before looking back at you for approval, you just smile. You feel like an idiot. Asking a child for help. A child who can barely speak. 
“It’s okay, you’re too little to understand.” You hold her under one arm as you walk around the counter to the fridge. “How about I get you some juice.” 
You find a clean sippy cup, pouring her some apple juice before setting her back down, handing her the cup and searching through your bag. 
“I almost forgot, I got you a present.” She perks up immediately, setting her cup down as you hold the little white book out towards her.
“Thanks!” Her eyes light up as she takes it from you, it’s one of the few times you’ve seen her smile without her father being in the room, sitting on the floor before looking back up at you, tapping the spot next to her until you sit as well. 
“Do you want me to read it to you?” You watch as she sets it down in front of her, she’s surprisingly gentle as she flips open the cover. 
“No thank you.” She’s enraptured by the illustrations, not caring for the text, laying down on her stomach, and sitting up on her elbows as she slowly flips through the pages, her eyes wide as she points out everything she sees to you. You rub her back, nodding along, you’re mostly just happy that she’s excited. 
She kicks her feet as she explains the big red bird on the page to you. After a few more minutes of her babbling she turns the page again.
Jabberwocky 
She giggles wildly as she points at the page and suddenly you’re filled with dread all over again. She’s positively captivated by the drawing, refusing to turn to a different page when you urge her to move on.
You don’t speak again until Maria comes upstairs to check on her, when you do it’s to tell her you aren’t feeling well, and you’re going home.
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You’re going on a monster hunt. 
There’s nothing left to do. You need to soothe your fears before you lose it completely and you aren’t going to stare at the trees and wonder for the rest of your life. 
You stop at one of the tourist traps in town, you need supplies for tonight. 
A camera. 
It’s an easy in and out stop. You buy a polaroid camera, and several packs of film. 
No one will believe you otherwise, you’ll be ridiculed the same way they did Darlene. You think of her as you walk back home, what if she was right about everything? She spent her life in fear of a monster no one believed in and they mocked her for it, and at the end of the day she might have been right. 
Maybe the monster is real and it isn’t Joel. 
Either way you’re going into the woods tonight. Your backpack is packed with the essentials, your water bottle, camera, an extra film pack, one of the knives from the kitchen (wrapped in a towel,) and a flashlight. 
Once you’re packed you put your boots and jacket on and head out. 
It’s like everything quiets down the moment you step outside. The forest hums, beckoning you in, and how could you refuse such an offer? 
You manage to keep your hands steady as you flip the switch on your flashlight, stepping into the trees. It feels so much colder now than it did when you were walking home. 
With dusk settling the sun is no longer there to keep you warm or to guide your way. You haven’t actually seen much of the forest, so you decide to walk in a straight line to avoid getting lost as you carefully step over a tangle of roots. As a child you loved nothing more than playing in the woods behind your house. But after just half an hour in these woods you suddenly resent the trees, they no longer bring you any comfort as you carry on into the cold dark night. You’re just about to give up and turn back around when suddenly something changes.  
Without warning and with seemingly no cause you feel a chill rush through your body, your hair standing on end. Your blood runs cold and you hear a sound you’re all too familiar with at this point. 
The tearing sound rips through the air. 
Your instincts tell you that you’ve become prey rather suddenly in this situation but you can’t turn back now, not when you can prove to yourself that you aren’t losing it. 
As quietly as possible you reach back into your pack, grabbing the camera already loaded with film and holding it in your free hand. The beam coming from your flashlight trembles slightly as you carry on towards the noise. 
It’s louder than it ever was in the dreams. In the dreams it was subdued, almost as if you subconsciously knew that it couldn’t hurt you. As you carry onward you can’t help but wonder if you’re just imagining it at this point. It doesn’t seem to get louder as you walk. It simply fills the air completely, you’re being directed purely by your instincts. You know it’s this way as you move forward a few more steps. 
You scan the trees with your light, seeing nothing out of the ordinary until you finally see it. Your finger instinctively flips off your flashlight. 
You almost didn’t catch it. 
But your legs keep moving and you get closer and closer to the hunched figure. 
It’s hard to describe, like your eyes don’t want to accept what you’re seeing. A voice in the back of your mind tells you that you’re getting too close but you can’t seem to stop yourself as you carry on until you can get a good look at it. 
You can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief as you realize it isn’t Joel. But that relief only lasts a moment as you see what you’re actually dealing with. 
You aren’t sure how big it is. It’s big. That much is clear but it’s crouched down, it’s almost human, it may have once been human. You’re having trouble making out most of it in only the moonlight. It’s less broad than the illustrations you’ve seen, almost slim, with how close you are now you can see that it’s eating. 
A buck, one of the biggest ones you’ve ever seen is splayed out across some rocks. It’s stomach has been ripped open. You watch, with morbid fascination as it digs its maw deeper into the gore. 
How curious, it’s wearing clothes. Or at least the remains of some clothing, a bit of fabric clings to its crooked spine, it wears the tattered collar of a shirt like a necklace. Navy blue sweatpants stretch around the creature's waist, the fabric pulled taut, it looks like they make it just past its knees. The elastic around the ankles has snapped. 
The funniest part of all of this is that you feel nothing but fear for the creature. You aren’t disgusted and you certainly don’t hate it. You’re just afraid, so afraid that before you can slap your hand over your mouth you burst into a peal of laughter. 
Fuck. 
It all happens so fast, you aren’t ready in the slightest to be face to face with it and suddenly you are, purely on instinct your hand twitches and with the flash of the camera you get a single moment to stare at it. 
It’s so close to being human.
It’s mouth is too big, a blood soaked tongue falling past a row of jagged, pointed teeth. It’s almost like someone stretched out a person's face like it was made of clay. And it’s male. Intricate branching horns stretch out from under the hair crowning its head. 
“The doe’s don’t have antlers.”
Your dad was a hunter, you know your antlers,  you aren’t exactly sure but if it was a deer it would be a thirteen pointer. You should run, you’re about to but then you finally look it in the eye, just as the final remnants of the camera flash flicker out. 
There is something worse than hunger, or thirst, or rage in its eyes, if that was all there was you could scream or cry. But this leaves you frozen in place. 
Recognition. 
Like it knows you. 
And the moment it recognizes you it snarls, an ear-piercing sound that rips through the quiet of the forest, blood spewing from its maw at you, flecks of crimson tint your clothes and hands as your eyes go wide.
It’s a good thing your legs move faster than your brain, you’re already sprinting away from the creature. 
You lose your flashlight almost immediately but you know where you’re going, you couldn’t be more thankful for your decision to go in a straight line. You don’t stop moving, running blindly back the way you came, never once daring to look behind you. 
You know it’s there, you can hear it, and you can feel it. 
Its breath is hot on your heels, you can hear the branches splintering directly behind you. Everything is a blur, stray branches sting your exposed skin but you don’t stop, you can’t, your muscles ache as you push onward, keeping your hands out in front of you to guide you through the darkness until you finally see the road up ahead. 
You’re nearly there, almost feeling relief, almost. 
An icy hand wraps around your ankle, you’re yanked backwards before you can process what’s going on, your back dragging across the forest floor and in an instant you’re beneath it. 
This is it. 
You wanted a monster, you got one. And now you’re going to die for it. It snarls as its maw falls open, you’re face to face with a row of shimmering, gore smeared teeth. This is it. 
He smells like cinnamon. 
It tilts its head ninety degrees, its jaw closing in on your throat as you close your eyes, tears now flow freely down your face and finally you can’t contain your terror anymore. 
You scream. 
A trembling shriek falling from your lips and much to your confusion a killing blow never comes. After one more shuddering breath you open your eyes only to find you’re just staring up at the trees. You sit up, still out of breath. 
He’s a few feet away now. 
Thrashing around frantically as he stumbles backwards. As if your scream had upset him. He bellows, his twisted hands clutching his skull like he’s angry with himself. You cover your ears instinctively when it snarls in pain.
He can’t help it. 
You’re scrambling to your feet once more, giving him one final glance, you look into each other's eyes.
“Run.” 
It speaks. 
You break into a sprint once more, not daring to stop until your feet touch pavement. You don’t get the sense that you’re being followed anymore but you’re still in shambles. The adrenaline is slowly starting to fizzle out and you’re painfully aware of the wound you sustained during that encounter. Your ankle is torn up, two deep gashes from where it grabbed you are bleeding an alarming amount. You stumble, the sight of it making you nauseous. 
You get a moment's respite and you manage to compose yourself enough to retrieve your phone from your pocket. Walking backwards, keeping your eyes on the forest as you slowly continue to back away. In your desperation your blood stained fingertips frantically swipe across your phone screen, you don’t realize until it’s too late that you’re calling the only person who isn’t going to answer. 
Yet when you bring the phone to your ear you hear a click. 
“Joel?” You can’t fucking believe it. He actually picked up. 
“Sweetheart? Are you okay?” He can definitely hear the panic in your voice. 
You just break down.
“I’m by the road, on the way from Maria’s to my camper, I- I need you to come get me, please, it’s- it’s following me, but I think I lost it please, Joel.” You’re in hysterics as you catch a glimpse of one of the few streetlights down the road. You hear the sound of keys and you swear you hear Maria saying something in the background but you’re too frenzied to focus on that. 
“Who’s following you? Stay right there m’on my way.” You can hear the truck starting in the background as you keep running, not daring to stop even though it doesn’t feel like you’re being pursued anymore. 
“The monster… in the woods… it’s not a bear Joel.” You’re out of breath when you finally stop, standing in the middle of the road underneath the street lamp, spinning around to try and somehow keep an eye on all of the darkness around you. 
“Stay where you are, I’ll be there in two minutes, okay? Stay right where you are.” You’re about to beg him to hurry when the line goes dead. 
You must look like a mad woman. Standing in the middle of the street, covered in blood, and spinning in circles to try and keep an eye on every single direction as you listen for any signs of movement. 
Your heartbeat never slows, you can hear it pounding in the crushing silence that surrounds you. 
It only takes a few minutes before you see headlights approaching in the distance. You don’t even let the truck come to a full stop as you open the door and jump in, closing it behind you as you scramble towards Joel as if he could protect you from the goliath you saw in the darkness. 
“Drive! Now Joel, go!” You yell as he accelerates just to the point of following the speed limit as he heads towards your camper. 
“Bunny, please, calm down.” He wraps the hand that isn’t on the steering wheel around you but you shove him off, sliding back to the other side of the truck. 
“Don’t tell me to calm down, Joel, not after what I just went through, I saw it, a real monster grabbed me.” You’re stumbling over your words, trying to get them out as quickly as possible.
“Slow down, just tell me what happened.”
“I told you on the phone, I just found a fucking monster, Joel, that’s what happened.”
He’s gone silent now.
He probably thinks you’re crazy. 
That’s fine. You know you aren’t, you saw it, watched it feed. There’s deer blood on your boots. 
“You didn’t see a monster.” When you look he’s shaking worse than you are. You don’t dare turn your head further but you watch in your peripheral as he grips the steering wheel, his knuckles going white. 
He’s lying. 
Why would he lie? 
“I did, I took a-.” You reach into your bag and your stomach fills with dread as you realize you dropped the camera. 
“You didn’t. You’ve been spending too much time alone, and you shouldn’t be going out in the woods by yourself to begin with.” 
“And who’s fault is it that I’ve been alone?” You snap.
He doesn’t have a response to that. And you don’t have anything else to say, not like he’d believe you if you did. You should probably break up with him, for several reasons. 
Except you can’t. 
If you do, how will you stop people from being needlessly murdered? He may not be the monster, but he knows something, and you need to find out what it is. 
So you’ll ‘forgive’ him. Again. Because you need to get to the bottom of this.
And maybe, despite it all, you’re still terribly attached to him. He keeps disappearing, without warning and with halfhearted excuses as to why and all you can think about right now is how badly you missed him, and how badly you need him.  
“Does Tommy have Ellie tonight?” You mumble, trying not to sound too irritated. 
“I was stopping in to see her before leaving her with Maria for the night when you called.”
“Why?”
“I was gonna come over here and apologize.” He sounds just as sincere as he did last time but you still scoff.
“What’s the excuse this time?” When you turn to scowl at him he looks guilty.
“I was out of town on a work trip.”
“And you couldn’t answer your phone.”
“I forgot my charger at home.”
It’s a preconceived lie. You’re certain of it based on how quick he replies, and it’s not even a good one. He could have borrowed a coworker's phone or bought a new charger; it wouldn't have been difficult. But he doesn’t want you to know where he really was. 
Every bit of this confuses you. 
You saw something in the woods, but it wasn’t Joel? Joel was with Ellie and then he was with you, he couldn’t have been slaughtering lost hikers. It doesn’t make sense. One thing is for certain though, and it’s that you can’t break up with Joel until you know what's going on or more people are going to be killed by that thing you saw in the woods. You aren’t really sure what to call it, but you know that you found the thing that’s been killing. 
And he knows something about it. 
He had no reason to get as rattled as he did if he didn't know something about what you saw. So you can’t break up with him, not until you figure this all out. Until then you just have to play the part of a clueless, loving girlfriend. Which shouldn’t be too hard considering the fact that for some reason there is still a sick and twisted attraction to him despite everything you know, settling in your stomach. You bite your tongue, going the rest of the short drive in silence. When he finally pulls up to the camper the engine goes quiet as he turns the key. You had no intention of inviting him in but you won’t stop him if he follows. 
You slam the truck door shut, stomping up to the door, his footsteps following close behind. 
“Let’s talk about this.” He reaches for your arm as you’re unlocking the door but you just shove him off. You leave it open, kicking your shoes off as you slip out of your jacket as you flip on the lights. 
“I don’t want to talk.” He shuts the door behind him, you note that he locks it behind him. 
How presumptuous. 
Correct, but presumptuous. 
“You’re clearly upset, bunny.” He kneels down, untying his own boots before kicking them off. You glare down at him until he stands, trying to pull you into his arms but you just shove him away again. His eyes go wide as he takes you in.
Based on his reaction you really must be quite a sight. 
“Jesus, you’re a mess.” He looks genuinely concerned but you brush it off. 
“Thanks.” You scoff but when you look down you realize you’ve been leaving a trail of blood in your wake. 
“Do you have a first aid kit?” You should send him away. Tend to yourself and go to bed, but instead you just point to the cabinet containing the kit, sitting on the table as he retrieves it, tossing it down beside you. He doesn’t ask what happened, grimacing as he lifts your leg to examine your ankle.
He doesn’t need to ask, he knows what happened. 
He tends to your wounds in silence. You wince as he wipes the lacerations on your ankle, they look bad enough that you consider just going to the hospital but he doesn’t seem too worried. They’re just shallow enough that you don’t think you’ll need stitches. 
You don’t watch as he sprays it with antiseptic, quickly wrapping it in a layer of gauze and then bandages. 
When he’s finished you’re ready to get angry with him all over again but the moment you open your mouth to yell at him he grabs you by the chin, taking a clean piece of gauze and gently dabbing the thin cuts that litter your face. 
You stare up at the ceiling light, refusing to meet his gaze. 
He tends to every one of them, taking extra care as he smears ointment on each one. When he’s finished he takes anything bloodied and gathers it in his hand, standing to toss them into the bin under the sink. You don’t turn, but out of the corner of your eye you see him bring his hand to his mouth. 
Your blood.
He tasted your blood. 
You can feel the bile rising in your throat but you just swallow it back down. 
“Now we can talk.” He makes his way back over to you but you just shake your head. 
“I already told you, I don’t wanna talk.” 
“Bunny-” He takes another step towards you. 
“Shut up.” 
“Don’t be like that.” There’s real remorse in his eyes, you might even feel bad if you didn’t know that he was lying to you. 
“Shut. Up.” You push him so he stumbles back onto the bed. “I’m not crazy.” He props himself up on his elbows to look at you as you say it.
“I know.” He sounds almost apologetic. 
“Take your clothes off.” You mumble, already tossing your shirt to the side. 
“Are you sure?” 
You’re sure that he knows what’s out there in the woods and he isn’t telling you. 
“I am.” You kick your jeans off to emphasize your point. You know he won’t deny you this. Whatever sick, unexplainable force pulls you into his arms affects him as it does you. You don’t just want him, you need him. 
You hadn’t realized it until he’d disappeared again, but now you couldn’t be more aware. It’s as if your entire life you’ve felt wrong. You’ve been in a state of discomfort for as long as you can remember, like a vital part of you was missing. But you got used to it, and you learned to live with the odd sensation of never feeling like you're in the right place, nowhere ever felt like home. 
Joel feels like home, in a sort of twisted way. 
From the moment you first saw him everything cleared up. It was like you had finally found your center of balance, and when he disappeared he took all of that with him. 
This is more than just attraction. 
With that he tugs his flannel off, you grab the bottom of his shirt, impatiently pulling it up over his head, not wanting to look him in the eyes, you stare at his shoulders as you climb up onto the bed, straddling his lap. 
“I really think we should talk-” He starts again so you reach behind yourself, unclasping your bra, glaring at him as you let it drop.
“Then talk.” 
He looks at you like you’re something to eat. 
“That’s not fair.” He finally manages to pull his gaze off of your chest, looking you in the eyes, his pupils swallowing his irises leaving you to stare into the darkness of his eyes.  
“There’s nothing to talk about, you went away for work and you forgot your phone charger.” You reach between the two of you to remove his belt, tossing it behind him on the bed before trying to unzip his jeans. “It was just an unfortunate series of circumstances.” You grumble before lifting yourself off his lap so he can shove his jeans off.
He’s glaring at you now. Good. He should know that you’re challenging him. Everything from this point on is a game, you just have to catch him in a lie. You grind down against the straining fabric of his boxers, hands on his shoulders to balance yourself as you rub yourself against his clothed erection, drawing a hiss from between his teeth. Before you know it his hands are gripping the hem of your panties. 
“Go on Joel, rip them off. I know you’re plenty capable.” You say it like the accusation it is. He’s strong enough to do a lot of things, you aren’t sure if tearing a person in half is one of those things but you’re determined to find out. He knows what you’re implying but he does it anyway, grabbing the fabric on either side of your hips and easily tearing them to shreds. 
“You don’t know what you do to me.” He murmurs, leaning forward to press his forehead to yours. 
You do. 
He does the same to you. A carnal desire, your most basic human instincts are reduced to nothing the moment your skin is against his. 
You don’t waste any time, slipping your hand under the waistband of his underwear, watching his cock spring free, slapping against his stomach. You unceremoniously spit in your hand before taking him in your fist, watching his jaw go slack as you rake your nails against the underside of his cock, feeling him twitch in your hand. You keep your eyes trained on his face as you notch him at your entrance, tilting your head to the side as you hesitate. 
The veins in his neck jut out as you slide the head of his cock over your clit, hissing softly as you do. 
He’s purposefully showing restraint. 
He clutches the sheets, his knuckles go pale and you can’t help but wonder if he isn’t touching you because he’s worried he’ll hurt you. 
“Fuck me, Joel.” You lean forward, biting his stupidly plush bottom lip. He doesn’t move his hands from where they are and you can’t help but scowl against his mouth.   
He’s holding back. 
He knows exactly what you’re doing and he’s trying to prove you wrong. How long has he been holding back?
In one sharp motion you slide down on his cock, forcing an obscene moan out of yourself, but it isn’t loud enough to cover the ripping sound. Your eyes wander downward, his are rolled back but all you can focus on now is your torn bed sheets in his clenched fist. 
Holy hell.
“Fuck. Me.” You rasp out, lifting your hips again before dropping them back down. His head falls forward this time, his mouth latching onto your shoulder, muffling his growl.
You know that growl. 
“Fuck me or leave, Joel.” You take his face in your hand, roughly pulling him back so he’s eye to eye with you.
You heard that growl in the woods less than an hour ago. 
“You’re playing with fire, bunny.” He glares at you but you just stare right back. 
“I won’t say it again.” You give him one last warning and he finally brings his hands to your hips, with a grunt he lifts you up, slamming you back down on his cock, you can feel him brushing against your cervix as you cry out. 
At his age he shouldn’t be able to do that. 
He does it again, moving you like a ragdoll up and down on his length, a lewd squelching fills the air, egging him on. He tilts his head down, his teeth scrape against your breast, and you can hear a roar building in his throat. He fucks you like a fleshlight, moving you effortlessly up and down on his cock, your chest bouncing with each thrust.
He shouldn’t be able to do any of this.
Neither one of you speaks, you can feel the camper swaying ever so slightly as he slams into you, thrusting his hips up to meet yours as he pulls you down onto him. 
He makes it look effortless. 
Another growl rips through the air and you know neither one of you is gonna last long if he keeps going at this pace. He hammers into your sensitive spots with every thrust, your clit rubbing against the dark curls along his pelvis.
He’s merciless with the force at which he moves you, he’s started nipping at your shoulder and you know he’s close as they get harder and harder. You finally feel him break the skin and just like that he’s lifting you off of him, his mouth clamped down on your flesh, you feel his cum between your legs as he finishes on your folds. The sensation of him slipping out of you sends you over the edge right along with him, your stomach tightening as you groan, letting your head fall forward onto him.
You feel better already. 
Not good, just better. 
He manages to keep you both upright for a few more moments before collapsing down on the mattress with you in his arms. 
And then it’s just quiet.
Until the mattress squeaks as you get up. Wiping yourself off with a towel and turning the lights off before returning to bed without a word. He’s the one who finally breaks the silence.  
“If you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”
 “You can stay.” You mumble, rolling over to face away from him. 
It’s better if you know where he is. 
That’s what you tell yourself. 
It’s easier to swallow that excuse than the truth, that you can’t shake the terror from your encounter with the creature and now amount of fucking is going to change that. You don’t want to be alone, no matter how angry you are. He doesn’t seem to take the hint though, snaking his arm under yours and pulling you to his chest. 
You start to push him away but you feel a wave of calm wash over you when he does so you just settle back against him. You close your eyes, praying sleep might come but all you see in the darkness is that open maw closing in on you. 
You know that growl. 
It isn’t Joel. It can’t be Joel, he was with Ellie and then he was with you. 
It wasn’t Joel.
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You’re more than used to waking up in the woods at this point. Monsters and men torment you in your dreams whenever they get the chance to. 
But tonight is different. 
You don’t feel the cold, wetness of the forest floor on your back before you open your eyes. Instead you only feel steel, you make an attempt to sit up on instinct but you can’t. In a panic you open your eyes to find yourself cuffed to the cadaver carrier from Marias basement. 
This can’t be happening. 
This is the kind of dream you get after your first body. 
You’ve had this dream, years ago when you’d just started studying mortuary sciences. Although now it feels worse, more ominous than it had previously. 
That probably has to do with the fact that you can’t move. 
In response to that petrifying thought you begin to uselessly tug on the cuffs, your ankles and wrists attached to the cold unforgiving steel of the table you’ve sewn countless bodies back together on. 
You don’t strap cadavers down, there’s no need to. 
The door swings open and you’re thankfully able to sit up enough to watch Maria and Joel walk in, solemn looks on both of their faces. 
You open your mouth to call for help but something stops you.
No.
No, no, no.
Your jaw is wired shut. 
The sudden realization makes you gag as you shake the table with the force of your panic. 
Maria is always thorough, your mouth is full of cotton.
They act as if you’re as lifeless as any other corpse as they stand beside you, despite your muffled screaming, tears immediately flowing from your eyes as you feel your throat constrict around the cotton.  
“What happened to her?” He sounds so far gone even though he only stands a few feet away. 
“You know what happened to her.” Marias sorrow turns to a look of resentment as she turns to Joel. 
“Bear attack.” He says it more to himself than to her. 
“Keep telling yourself that.” 
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“You never do.” Her voice is full of a hatred you haven’t ever heard in reality. 
She looks at you with a pity you’ve had on your own face before. It’s the same look you give every corpse on a table.  
You follow Maria’s gaze down at your body and find your chest sliced open, the inside dry. 
And then you wake up. 
Of course Joel is there when you sit up in bed with a strangled cry, a fresh flood of tears falling down your face. 
“Bunny?” His groggy, sleep ridden voice resembles a growl, sending you backwards away from him, your back hitting where the mattress meets the camper wall. He’s already up, he moves towards you but the moment you flinch away from he stops. “Are you okay? What hap-“
“Don’t come any closer.” Your voice is barely above a whisper. 
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Thankfully he doesn’t move towards you, he holds his hands up ever so slowly. He’s acting like you’re a cornered animal. 
You can’t seem to find your voice. Every single logical and rational part of your body and mind tell you to get as far away from him as possible. To fight tooth and nail to get past him, to run away and never look back. You’d never get away with that though, he’s too deeply rooted in you already. He’s made for you. Sculpted by the gods to be everything you’ve ever wanted all in one neat little salt and pepper package, served up to you on a silver platter.  
“Sweetheart, it’s okay, you’re okay.” He inches forward a bit but the way you pull your legs up against your chest, trying to make yourself smaller makes him move back. “It’s okay, it’s just me.” 
Yeah Joel, that's the problem.  
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a/n : i have such mixed feeling abt this chap but whatever i really like it so ?? idk
I am no longer doing taglists so follow @lincolndjarinnotifs and turn on notifications to be notified when new chapters are posted !!
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kennymcchronicle ¡ 4 months ago
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I'm so excited that you rb it! You're not a bother at all!
1, 15, 38, 59, and 73!
I know I also sent a lot, but I'm going feral here.
Time to get Lonny'd!!! (ask game)
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1. Who fell first? Who fell harder?
The way I have them played out now, technically, Lotta fell in love first. She started crushing on Mysterion, however, Kenny was already slowly developing feelings for Lotta at that point, so he is in love with her before she finds out he's Mysterion! This approach, at least, is the most fun for me to think about anyway hehe. As for who fell harder, I would say they're pretty even! Lotta starts out kind of in denial because of her previous heartbreaks, she really wasn't excited to love someone again, but spending time with Mysterion helped. Kenny's feelings for Lotta do more or less stem from her medical treatment of him, so these feelings just consistently grow the more time they spend together. Though, there is a very fun scenario that I discussed think would jumpstart Kenny's feelings from "Oh I like being around her, maybe I have a little crush?" to "I am never leaving your side ever" but I will spare you guys that iykyk hehehe!
15. How do they comfort one another when the other is upset?
Lotta's best approach to tricky situations is objective rationality; While she loathes being mistaken for a therapist by peers she has no business hearing out, she will absolutely do so for the people whose well being she cares about on a deeper level than purely physical. She will provide a neutral perspective and definitely try and think of a solution to make Kenny feel better when she notices how he's feeling, but most of all, she'll just hear him out. That's what I also think Kenny does, he's just pretty good at... being there, y'know? He'll hear her out and offer doing something else to get her mind off of things, or offer to help anyhow he can. They're pretty mutual in that regard as well! I feel like the bigger struggle would be Lotta communicating that she is upset because she's prone to want to handle that stuff herself even if she can't lmao
38. What would be their ideal evening in?
Spent hanging out Lotta's place, 100%. She doesn't have a console or anything, but she has a computer in her room so they just play free games or watch stuff on there together! Or they put on her music and Kenny just lounges around and chats with Lotta while she's doing some medical studying or drawing! The former of which he also sometimes helps with!
59. Is there a spot they tend to kiss or caress habitual?
Ohhh dude... this is on the list of art ideas I haven't drawn yet and probably never will but. You know that thing about kissing scratches and small wounds better? Lotta suspects that there is barely any medical benefit from this method, and at most provides comfort due to associations unrelated to whether or not this helps heal the wound. Kenny asks her - without a second thought - if she could try it anyway and come on, not like she can say no to him lmao. So sometimes when he gets a smaller injury, after it has been properly tended to, Lotta will kiss it better!! Not quite habitual i think, but I could see it become the go-to for Lotta to kiss Kenny!! As for caressing, Lotta pats his head!! That's just it!! Nothing you can do about that!!
On the flipside, hmm... refer to the picture above, I think Kenny would go for the cheek most!! They are within reach and perfect to express his love!! I have no deeper idea for this, I just think Kenny would really enjoy kissing and so this is how he can always do that!
73. Who knows the other better? Why is this?
This one's kinda tricky... I would think Lotta knows Kenny better? Not to say Kenny isn't but Lotta is quite observant and when it's a person of interest to her, she's quite good at retaining information that may present itself for just a moment. Besides, knowing the ins and outs of someones physical condition also helps finding out a little about them I'd imagine! Though this only comes to play depending on the headcanon you would have for how Kenny's continual death and reincarnation affects his body, if at all. What's also necessary to consider is, like I said, Lotta wouldn't voluntarily present everything about herself. Sure, most people don't, but she's become accustomed to veiling things, especially those that conflict with her image of being a professional doctor, the image that for most of the time that Kenny is around her at first, is all he gets to see. If she doesn't deem it important, chances are she'd never talk or try to think about it, but this is something that can very well change over time, with her warming up to the idea of letting Kenny in on her emotions more. And that's not to say she keeps it all hidden! If she feels the needs to explain herself about something, for instance. That stuff can get crazy is all I'm saying dsdgsdgf but yeah, overall I think Lotta at least catches on and learns about Kenny and his thoughts, mannerisms, etc. a little quicker than Kenny does about Lotta's.
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bt-tarot ¡ 5 months ago
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✨Welcome✨
My name is Ozzy (yes, like Ozzy Osbourne 🦇)
I am a card reader and astrologer. I’ve been studying for a few years now and I made this blog ages ago but I never used it (until now).
⋆˚✿˖°M a s t e r l i s t s⋆˚✿˖°
Paid readings ཐི⋆ཋྀ Ko-fi
What can I ask about?
Anything related to tarot, oracle and astrology for educational purposes. How to learn, meaning of cards, current planetary positions, my personal thoughts on astrological aspects and so on.
Celebrities. Individual tarot readings, group tarot readings, group dynamics (both with tarot or astrology). I think I connect better with the ones I listen/see the most: kpop idols.
Pick a card ideas
Collective readings
Collective astrological analysis and observations
Personal opinions on x or y subject.
What can't I ask about?
Any questions that might be offensive or come from a place of personal hate or dislike for a group, band, artist or community.
Any questions that insult (even in a subtle way) a group, band, artist or community. Have empathy, especially for female and queer artists, istg. I’ve received questions that make me want to throw some punches but this is a place of peace and respect and I have to BREATHE DEEPLY.
Questions regarding underage idols or underage celebrities.
Questions about legal procedures. I was thinking about doing them but I got the spiritual advice to not do it. I don’t think it would be good to read that kind of energy, especially since anything could change during the investigation process. That’s a job that is not mine to do.
Any questions I feel uncomfortable answering in the moment. If the energy is not right, I’m not pushing. I might try to answer it later (hours, days), but ultimately if I don’t have a good feeling I won’t answer and I’ll let you know.
Any questions the energy won’t like to answer. If I shuffle and shuffle and shuffle and nothing comes out, if the cards don’t show a clear answer, if I write something and it gets erased, if I feel a weird energy from the reading, if the spirit guides/energies/forces/God tell me not to post, then I won’t answer. And again, I’ll let you know if that happens.
Repeating questions. Unless a fair amount of time happened between them, but otherwise I don’t think I would get a different answer. If you’re curious about the questions I’m working on to avoid repeating, there’s a in the making (queue) section in the masterlist.
Questions I find inappropriate or too personal. It’s not my place as a fan, neither as a tarot reader, to feed rumors, speculations or any kind of conspiracy. It’s never my intention to create gossip or conflict and every reading I do comes from a place of respect for the spirits, the people involved, the consultant and the craft. Remember I’m reading energies and that can be tricky. Take everything with a grain of salt.
+18 questions
‼️IMPORTANT NOTE‼️
I want to clarify that this blog is intended to be a SAFE SPACE for everyone. All fandoms allowed. Because of this, I will take the right to not answer any questions that might be offensive to any group, fandom, artist, person or community.
I want to keep working with a kind energy and build a respectful community. If this is an inconvenience to you, then I’m not the tarot reader you’re looking for. Be nice.
🦇Disclaimer🦇
I intend to practice tarot readings and astrology in this account for entertainment purposes. If I take a little time to answer a question it’s because I want to make the readings with the best energy as possible and I have to take breaks. But you’re definitely getting an answer, don’t worry.
Remember nothing is written on stone.
If something doesn’t resonate or seems inaccurate, remember the energy shifts with every decision we make and depends on many external variables. Sometimes the message could be intended for someone else or could fit in another moment of your life that our conscious mind don’t have access to, and it’s totally fine.
If you want any private readings, I can offer, but readings never substitutes professional help. I can give advice from what I see in the cards and planets and channel messages, but I always recommend consulting a professional.
Let’s live our lives to the fullest and take breaks from this kind of readings from time to time, don’t forget to take care of yourself and stay aware of your surroundings♥️
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storiesbyjes2g ¡ 10 months ago
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3.173 The whole truth
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I had every intention of waking up early to get a jump on cleaning up the mess, but my bed had me in a chokehold. The room was the perfect temperature thanks to the cooler autumn air and my skimpy attire. I eventually pried myself away from the soft, cool sheets, but the thought of washing piles of soiled dishes made me regret ever leaving my crisp sanctuary. Still, I dragged myself downstairs, fully prepared to insist we call a cleaning service only to find Sophia collecting the last of the plates. That woman is a goddess, and the Watcher must really love me. I appreciated her pro-activeness, but felt bad about her doing all of that alone when we were supposed to tackle it together. Even though I knew there wasn't anything else to do, I still looked around to find a way to help and found piles of dog hair everywhere—even outside. I used to stay on top of brushing Rosie when she and Kooper were our only babies, but now I barely know what day it is half of the time. She's lucky if I'm able to go jogging with her.
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With nothing else to do, I jumped on breakfast while Sophia checked on Desiree, who was still asleep. It's been a while since I had a nice, quiet, mess-free meal with my wife. Well, at least it began quietly. My phone would not stop ringing. First, Less called with a wild story about bath time adventures with our terrific trio. Spoiler alert: they were not so terrific, heh.
Next, Maira called to explain why she missed Desi's birthday party. I was so overjoyed to learn she had gone on a date, and it went well! She's finally ready to let love into her life, and I couldn't be more happy for her. I never understood why she was so hesitant, apart from not wanting to be pressured by society's expectations. She has her issues just like everyone else, but she is so sweet and deserves to have all the love she's given come back to her tenfold. I tell her I can't wait to meet him--when the time is right, of course.
Sophia, overhearing my side of the conversation, expressed happiness for the news and hit me with an unexpected question when I hung up.
"What's the story with you two?"
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"Story? I thought I told you."
"You did. But you clearly love her. I know you said you were always just friends, but something happened. I think I'm ready to know what that is now."
This is such a healthy conversation between two very mature adults. Even though Sophia has always been very confident about our relationship, we couldn't have had this conversation any earlier than now. We've lived through some things. She's seen me with my friends and understands the love I have for Maira is a different kind of love that is not a threat.
"Okay..."
I sit back in my chair, thinking of what she really wants to know and how to tell this story because it's one of my least fond memories.
"I almost lost her."
Sophia gasped, and I knew this story was not what she had expected.
"The first time I went to her place, she was going to make dinner. Heh, she wasn't much of a cook, but she wanted to try. I don't know how it happened, but the stove... It just...blew up. She was on fire, and I..."
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It still pained me to remember how I ran out of there like a coward, leaving her to fend for herself. I think that's just one of those things in life I'll never get over and will beat myself up about it until I'm dead.
"I ran, Sophia. She was completely engulfed in flames, and I left her."
"I'm glad you did," she said. "Fires are so tricky! Both of you could have been hurt, or worse."
"I know. It doesn't make me feel less like a punk, though. Her building has a good alarm system, so the fire department came quickly and saved her, thank Watcher. She was okay, obviously. But I wasn't. I didn't realize how special to me she was until then. It wasn't like I wanted to run off and marry her or anything, but she was someone I wanted to keep. I held her so tight. Her hair and clothes were singed, and she really needed to shower and change, but I couldn't let her go. I refuse to let her go."
"Wow, Luca! I'm so sorry you had to witness such a horrible accident. I see how things are different with her, especially when you feel partly responsible!"
"Yeah. I'm glad you understand."
"I think I was afraid before, but I'm ready to know all your little secrets now."
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I'm really glad she asked me about this. Not because I felt burdened and needed to share, but because it brought back the kind of intimacy we shared back when we started dating. It's been so long since we've experienced it, I forgot it was even there. Between the wedding stuff, pregnancy stuff, parenthood stuff, and death, I feel like we've just been surviving for the longest, and I'm really looking forward to get back to living...whenever that is.
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Just as that thought entered my mind, yet another phone call came in. It was Dub with a very enticing invitation. He and Maia got engaged last night, and they're eloping! His request that was high key a demand was to join them in Ciudad Enamorada to witness their nuptials. They rented a huge house with enough room for us if we want to stay with them. The only caveat was we'll have to leave as soon as possible because it's going down later today! I gave him a tentative yes because there is no way my best friend is getting married and I'm not there. And to turn down a free vacation? I think not. I told him I'd confirm in a few minutes after I discuss with Sophia who waited anxiously for me to explain the exciting, one-sided conversation she overheard. I honestly thought she would hesitate to make such a big trip in a short amount of time, but to my surprise, she said yes immediately. After all, this is the same woman who asked me to move in with her after our first date, heh. We're going to the City of Love, baby!
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2000sangel ¡ 7 months ago
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Omg hi!! I've never really sent in a request before- but this for the adam matchup!! Firstly tysm for accepting these!
For the matchup, I'd say I'm a very sweet and kind person, a little shy and definitely introverted, but once I'm around friends is when I come out a bit more. I'm a lot more relaxed and chill. My friends often call me the 'mom' of the group.
I'm an artist and an animator and that's my career but I also really love to bake!! I'm also a bird enthusiast, I love studying them, any species, owls and birds of prey are my favorite tho!
I hope this was enough!! Tysm again! <3
- Night
Hello!! It’s exciting then that this is one of your first requests!
I hope you enjoy these and that you have a good rest of your day <3 (also I physically can't write short things apparently HELP)
<3 Adam x You Headcanons <3
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BONUS - Your emojis!! -> 🎸🧁
🎸 My first headcanon for you and Adam is that he would definitely soften up with you around as a person; you’re basically opposites. While you’re shy he’s boisterous, you’re introverted and he’s an extrovert at heart, you’ve got a calm and welcoming personality while he’s...well...anything but welcoming, he drives people away at times, actually.
🧁 How you’d get together in the first place is a little tricky, but eventually you’d find each other and feel comfortable around one another. I feel like it would be cute if he started trusting you after coming to you for advice; he rarely shows his feelings to anyone, let alone near-strangers, but one thing could lead to another and you could end up comforting him on something, making him immediately have a higher opinion of you.
🎸 Either way, he teases you quite a bit!! Adam is quite the jokester around you, because he loves to see your cute reactions to whatever he says or does, especially if you’re around friends too. He’s also the king of relaxation...what’s better than to lie on the couch and do nothing for hours on end, maybe chatting about one thing or the other? He loves doing that with you, whether you’re discussing a show you’ve recently watched together or commenting on something that happened to one of you recently. You couldn’t tell, but he loooves silly gossip as well...!
🧁 Adam has no issue speaking up for you in public; he doesn’t do it because he wants to talk over you, he just knows you’re more on the introverted side so were you to struggle interacting with anyone he would gladly take your place. A quiet “Let me handle this, babe” from him and you know you can step aside for a bit and recollect yourself if you’re overwhelmed by a conversation.
🎸 He kind of loves coming up behind you while you’re working and staring at whatever’s on the screen, he absolutely sucks at drawing and is a lost cause when it comes to animating, so he’s pretty much fascinated by what you’re able to do! Be careful not to leave him unattended for too long, or he will be annoying about you not paying enough attention to him...and it’s pretty difficult to work on this kind of things with an almost 2 meters tall man trapping you with his arms and wings from the back!
🧁 He also stares while you’re baking...yes, he’s an absolute mess in the kitchen, this guy eats takeout six days out of seven, basically (he’s very excited about being able to add a little sweet treat that you made to his meals sometimes). He does try to help at least on this one hobby of yours though, and while he might be shit at decorating and that’s not wavering, as long as the recipe is easy he’s of decent help – you’ve found that he’s super good at things like stirring and whipping!
🎸 Lastly, he admits he’s not very fond of birds...or at least he’s never thought to research them. He loves seeing you so passionate about something though, and does occasionally ask how studying is going and if you’ve found out something new. Will he retain any of the information? Well...probably very little as he’s not an animal kinda guy, but it’s worth it to see your excited grin when you explain something about a specific species!
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