#kinda personal but ive been holding it in for too long

[sophiesonlinediary]

i’ve never loved anything in my life as a footnote.

music? i listen to it everyday just to never be alone with my thoughts. i memorize the chords and the artists name, why they wrote the song and how they connect to it. i psychoanalyse every lyric, i research the producer and what they have spoken about the song and why they chose to go for that beat. i listen to the live version and pay attention to the singers voice and how they enunciate every word their feeling etched into each delivery. i have music tattooed on my heart.

books? i live in them. i emerge myself in the fantasies of others savoring the stories of characters i’ll never personally know. i live in the little fantasies annotating words that make me feel what no human could ever. i make pinterest boards, spotify playlists, even posters, as a way to show my love for them. i rave about it to my friends and still sit in wonder at the end of the day at how words on paper can make me feel alive, can bring me new emotions i’m still yet discovering.

movies? they’re my religion, another form of escape from this world. i watch actors play a part bringing it to life the same way i do in my day to day fantasies. i watch the story evolve and how the director find ways to tell it in 1-3 hours. months of work finally coming together to make the final product. i delve into the actors lives, the set team, hoping ill be able to fill the void set there the second the screen turned black.

i log everything i do.

i watched a movie? letterboxd. i read a book? goodreads. i listened to an album? aoty.

everything i love, everyone i love, will always be important to me. i make a list of thing in my notes app i know you love, your little habits, the color of your eyes when you look at the sun for too long, because i cant afford to not love. i fear my time on earth to be wasted by not giving everything my all. i memorize lines from poetry that make me feel seen, i put posters on my wall for the art i appreciate, i decorate my room in my favorite color just to make the point clear that i love it. ill hug you a dozen times a day and make sure you feel alright. because sometimes loving everything and everyone else more than yourself is easier maybe im scared that if i take away everything i love i wont be sure about who i am. in the dead of night when im alone with my thoughts, without a book in my hand, or headphones blasting music, who am i? the song has ended but the melodies continue, in my head they go round making no space for the thoughts i’m afraid will creep in.

[whatthefuckisasweep]

cant sleep … plagued with thoughts.. overstimmed… also starving… time to scroll tumblr till i have to go to class :,((

[orcelito]

I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

[girlcrushau]

[djungleskogs]

my bf keeps being like. i wish you would show more affection sometimes it feels like we’re just friends. and not to sound like im giving myself therapy but ive just realised it might be because. i’ve literally never seen my parents like. do anything romantic. i’ve never seen them cuddle. they don’t even sit next to each other on the couch. they don’t say romantic things about each other. i come from a family where physical AND verbal affection just don’t exist. and it’s sooo hard to try and do it naturally without feeling like im forcing it or lying. aaaa

[scattered-winter]

horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

[iluvapplesxh]

hii!! if ur comfortable can u do billie x f!reader who sh’s? like a comfort fic maybe. ive been getting alot of urges to sh after being clean for a long time and i kinda just need this rn

⧽⧽baby, don't cut⧼⧼

❀ pair: billie eilish x fem!reader

✰ summary: The bliss, the lightness of every single gush of blood felt more and more freeing and you thought it would be for the best to finally make your mind shut off, but one person is always there, helping you, reminding you that you're not alone and that you're worth it. Worth living this life even if it's hard.

✯ warnings: self harm, blood, crying, angst, comfort, fluff, !ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

✒ a/n: I legit teared up writing this...| also this is kind of rushed but I just didn't really know what to write. so sorry, anon!

A long, sickeningly satisfied sigh left you. Your back was against the wall, the cool surface palpable through your clothes against your skin. Your knees were pulled up against your chest, ankles pressed tightly against each other. Your arm was resting on top of your knees, the deep red substance seeping onto your pyjama pants, painting them that beautifully crimson colour.

The tears which were once streaming down your face now dried up, red puffy eyes tracing the harsh, deep lines on the soft flesh of the underside of your forearm, the stinging pain was dulling by each passing moment. 

The weight which was once pushing harshly against your chest, making it hard to breathe, now faded. Your heart calmed from its previous fast beating and you didn’t know if it was because of the way the blood was flowing down your arm, or because of that disgustingly amazing feeling, but your tears have stopped too a while ago.

It felt incredibly freeing, uplifting. Like the overwhelming feelings of the day have been washed away. All those thoughts that told you, you needed this. You had to do it. You deserved it. They were now quiet and your breaths weren’t as ragged, your lungs filling with air completely before it flowed out slowly.

Yeah, this was what you deserved. This was what you needed to feel okay….

But those thoughts fought a harsh battle every time your gaze wandered around your room and your eyes locked on the framed photo propped up on your nightstand. A photo of your amazing girlfriend. She was always so sweet. Asking if you were okay even after you’ve reassured her 10 times throughout the day. Now she was the one thing you didn’t  deserve. So why did she stay? Why, when all you do is push her away when your mind becomes too much and you feel like you can’t breathe without that sweet relief of the blade sliding across your already torn skin. It felt even more painful every time it glided over a fresher cut and that just made every breath intake that much clearer. 

Why?

And although you felt like there was absolutely no reason for her to be with you, you couldn’t bear the mere thought of her leaving you finally. The possible look on her face if she saw under your sleeves. It made you cry harder every time you thought about it at the wrong time and you didn’t want her to leave. You needed her. She was the only reason you didn’t press the blade down any harder, the reason you didn’t drown yourself in your medicine cabinet. She was the reason that you had rushed to the medical supplies in your bedroom when your blade hit that vein and then when the ambulance arrived you told them it was an accident. And when she asked about it you just told her the same. She was the reason you were alive.

But even if she was, you couldn’t just stop. No, you needed it like air in your lungs. 

With every hug from her, every squeeze she gave your hand when she’d hold it, every kiss of her soft lips on yours, life was breathed back into your soul until those damn thoughts. Your fucking head pushed it out time and time again and it made you sick.

You just wanted to love her.

You just wanted her to stay, to love you, to hold you when your ears rang and your eyes burned with tears. 

But you couldn’t anymore. Your lungs felt heavy again by the time you’d cleaned yourself up and then you started again, and again and again until you passed out for hours.

That also must be the reason for your blurry vision right now. Or for the sweat littering on your forehead as the back of your head leaned back against the wall. 

The love, the need to stay seemed to slip farther away just like the blade held in your other hand, falling against the floor with the quietest thud. But even though your knees soon stretched out, your arm falling to your side, you felt like you were floating. It felt like you were finally done with all of this. All these fucking problems and thoughts and you. 

And maybe it was due to the dull thumping of your heart in your ears, or your brain slipping in and out of consciousness that you didn’t hear the phone thrown on your bed ring. But it was, and the screen was flashing, lit up with a photo of Billie smiling at the camera. It rang over and over again but you didn’t hear it, not when your body went numb and your senses were duller than that first blade in your drawers under your clothes.

It was when you felt a soft, hurried touch on your cheek that you came back to your senses once more, eyes still slightly blurry and you could feel the stinging of your unwashed cuts on your arms. 

“Baby? Baby, look at me, please” 

Billie’s voice was soft but you could hear the strain in it, the slight crack in it when the nickname rolled off her tongue. You heard a sob rip through her chest and your vision cleared, eyes meeting hers.

“Oh thank God” Billie leaped forward, cupping your face with her trembling hands as she helped you sit up. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Help is on the way, okay? I’m here”  Tears clouded her own vision and her chest felt awfully tight.

You moved slightly, hand reaching out to her but she stopped you with a shake of her head. And for a brief moment her blue eyes snapped away from yours and raked over your body, the blood on your clothes, almost dried, but when her gaze fell onto your arm, another sob escaped her and she looked away, one of her hands leaving your cheeks to slap against her mouth.

Your throat felt tight with guilt, your heart feeling like it was being squeezed tightly as you watched the one tinge of hope in your life sob in front of you and when you finally muttered out some words, your voice was painfully hoarse.

“I’m-...I’m sorry, baby-..” Your eyes filled with tears and your head shook. “I didn’t–” You took in a deep, shaky breath as your own gaze averted from her tear stained face. “I tried to–...I’m sorry”

Billie quickly looked back at you and shook her head, turning your head to look back at her. “Sh, sh…I don’t need an explanation. I just…–” She swallowed around the lump in her throat, tears still rimming her eyes. “I don’t know how I didn’t fucking notice” Frustration laced her voice and she pulled back.

It obviously hurt her. 

When she had come over to you in worry after you didn’t answer her calls, she didn’t even think about this. And when she barged into your bedroom to see you lying against the floor by the wall, the deep red coating your shirt, it made her whole being freeze with harsh flashbacks. Her breathing had grown faster and she had muttered a string of ‘no’s as her feet brought her closer to you. She had fallen to her knees, one of her hands scrambling for her phone to call help as the other desperately used a paper tissue to dry up your gushing arm.

“Don’t move, baby.” Billie said, her voice quiet. “I’m here now.” She leaned forward, pressing her lips against your forehead while tears fell on her cheeks.

–

The two of you didn’t exchange any words when the ambulance arrived and took you away. Nor when you were lying on the hospital bed, being kept for the amount of blood that has left your body.

It made you angry and sad when she’d left, saying that she needed to collect herself. You knew she needed that. She shouldn’t have had to see you like that but fuck you didn’t want her to leave. God knows if she’ll come back. And your eyes filled with tears again as you were lying there, watching her leave that room with soft hiccups leaving her throat.

You hurt her. You made her leave just like you were afraid to do so and your chest felt tight, breathing becoming a problem. The doctors had come in quickly, calming your breathing with some kind of medicine and you wish it was Billie’s hand caressing your hair as your eyes closed and your body fell asleep. The deep green eyes of the nurse trying to calm you missed that warmth which hers held and even though deep down you knew that all of this didn’t mean she was leaving for good. But it felt so much like it.

–

About 24 hours later, you were let home, but she never came back. 

You were now sitting on the couch of your home, an emotionless expression on your face as your bandaged up arm rested on  your lap.Your head was a mess once more and your hands twitched the slightest bed, your eyes darting towards the door of your bedroom from time to time.

The sudden sound of your doorbell ringing was what snapped you out of the suffocating depths of your own mind and you mindlessly stood, walking towards the door and unlocking it before pulling it open. When the door was fully open, you didn’t have a chance to look up before your body was engulfed by a warmer one, arms wrapping around you tightly while your head was pulled against a shoulder and when you breathed in her familiar scent, your body relaxed. Your own arms circled her torso while you turned your head, burying your face into her shoulder with a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I left.” Billie whispered softly, leaning her cheek against your head.

“No-...I understand…” You mumbled onto her hoodie, palms spreading flat against her back.

Billie swallowed harshly and pulled back, guiding you back inside your home as the door closed behind her and she lifted a hand, placing her palm against your cheek. “Are you okay?” 

The question which you usually simply and swiftly answered with a ‘yes’ made you pause this time before you shook your head, throat tightening up. “N–...No” Your eyes welled with tears.

Billie’s heart clenched in her chest and she took a deep breath in, her thumb caressing your skin gently. “I know. I know, baby” She sighed and swallowed harshly again. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice” Her other hand reached out, she placed it hesitantly on your bandaged arm. 

A soft gasp of air filled your lungs and your teeth dipped into the flesh of your bottom lip. “I thought you left…” You whispered, eyes wandering away from hers.

Billie’s eyes watered and she nodded. “I know, I’m sorry” She whispered back.

“I don’t want you to leave. Please” Your voice cracked brokenly as your eyes found hers again.

She took a step closer, her hand on your cheek going behind your head. Billie’s head shook rapidly. “I won’t,  won’t, baby. I promise. I’m here, I’m staying” She gently pulled you close to her, pressing her lips onto the top of your head. “I’m going to help you, okay? We’ll get through this together” She murmured against your hair before you pulled back and your eyes met. The softness in her blue seas made your mind ease up the smallest bit and then her soft lips slotted against yours tenderly. The kiss was full of emotions, sadness, anger, guilt. 

“I won’t let you hurt yourself again” She whispered against your lips, and her words were like another promise. A promise that everything is so wrong right now, but she’s here and she’s going to make everything good again. That it may seem like the darkness of your mind was going to consume you and you were gonna slip up, and maybe you were going to, but even then, she’ll help you go straight. She’ll be there when it feels like everything around you is slowly falling apart and she’ll whisper in your ear that it’s okay and she’s here. 

She saved your life again and again, with or without trying and she will continue to do so until you feel like you are ready to fully live again.

✒ a/n: hey, anon, I just really hope that you'll be able to hold on with the help of this and if not I want you to know that whatever or whoever you think is worth enough to give it up is not worth it and you'll get through it, even if it's not going to be easy.

[lilisgardensblog]

~NEUVILLETTE HEADCANONS ~

(turned into neuvillette x reader)

aside from the melusines being his children, I feel like his favorite animal is an otter (he looks so much like an otter it drives me crazy it's so adorable!!)

next hc is kinda neuvillette x reader btw

because of his cold appearance most people don't approach him. you are truly the first one to get to know his warm personality, rapidly becoming best friends

but soon the friendship became something more than just friendship. the little playful laughs turned into shy giggles as both of you were unsure of the other's feelings.

he started bringing your favorite flowers every time he'd come back from a trial to visit you. you were now looking forward to every trial and you were glad Fontaine people saw these trails as entertainment. that meant more flowers for you

sometimes if the trial takes a serious turn, your "friend" will come upset as the weather outside rapidly changes. it starts to pour as soon as the trial is over, making neuvillette arrive drenched but still holding your now soaked flowers

whenever he arrives by your door like this, you know something is not right. even tho he never told you, you had your own suspicions about the true identity of the hydro dragon, you were 99%sure it was him (you left that 1% for his confirmation)

"there, there, my hydro dragon" you'd comfort him in days like these. you always did this since the moment you met, at first simply because he has a hydro vision (and is built like a dragon), by now this soothing phrase becoming a habit

he always looks forward to your warm embrace and always says the same thing when he's finally at peace

"thank you...and im sorry for crying once again in front of you" he'll whisper the last part but as always you just hug him and tell him its no problem

but not this time. this time you hugged him and acted on impulse. no risk no gain, you thought before kissing his cheek.

"stop apologizing, neuv.... you know im always here for you. ive been here all these years and yet you still feel the need to apologize. you're more than welcome in my arms whenever you need so there's no need for apologies."

he was speechless. all he could do was lock his gaze with yours as both of you waited for the other one to speak up

you spoke up first trying to move on from the increasingly awkward moment "well anyways-"

he cuts you off "excuse my interruption,but you're right...mon chéri. " he said as he leaned closer, cupping your cheek with one hand

and at that moment you both knew there was no turning back

you kissed him, no longer able to wait for neuvillette to do it. it started slow and unsure at first, but soon both of you started kissing more hungrily for more, none of you getting enough

to your displeasure, he breaks the kiss only to softly whisper in your ear "I've waited so long to do this..."

" me too mon amour...."

and with that you both resumed your kissing as the sky cleared and stars shined brightly over Fontaine as the hydro dragon was at peace in his true love's arms

OMG I LOVED WRITING THIS NEUVILLETTE BRAINROT GOES BRRRR (sorry if there are any mistakes, I've wrote this in like 5 mins)

[euno11a]

Tattooed Hearts

Genre: No one to someone Tattoo artist! Jungkook X Reader

Summary: What happened to us? Why did we end up like this? It was only a one time thing. Now it’s ruined us both.

Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, mentions of hookups, insults, arguing, blood, mentions of period

Edit: Hey guys, I got this idea for some reason and was thinking of making it into a series, so let me know if you enjoy it and want a part two :)

Pt II • Pt III • Pt IV • Pt V • Pt VI • Pt VII • Pt VIII

*** You weren’t one to put out, always waiting for the one person who made you feel special. But you never seemed to feel that, except for when you were with Jungkook. He made you special, he made you happy, he made you feel loved. Maybe giving yourself to him was your mistake, but how could you not? He looked so handsome with his piercings and tattoos. That’s where you should’ve known what you did was a mistake. Sleeping with him was never on your bucket list, sure you’d thought about it before, but you never intended for anything to actually happen. It felt good, it always did, but the pain of being pushed out always pained you after. Mistakes get made, but this one hurt too much.

Sobbing on the bathroom floor was something you’d never wanted to do when it came to a guy. But seeing him with that girl hurt, way too much. Why weren’t you used to this yet? It’s happened before, get used to it. “He doesn’t deserve your tears, Y/N, please stop crying…” Lindsay, your friend, pleaded. She’d been here when it first happened, the other hundred times it had happened, and now. Maybe you were the stupid one for never taking her advice. Now, you hated calling anything stupid, nothing was stupid. There was always reason for something being one way and not the other, but you were just stupid for how many times you’d fallen for his tricks. Tattoos make a story when on your skin, most of the time. The story behind your tattoo was that you’d fallen for a handsome tattoo artist, letting him sweep you off your feet, wine and dine you and then fuck you. Big mistake. It’s almost funny how many mistakes you’ve made with him. Going the day after to get your tattoo finished was not the happy ending you were expecting, instead finding a woman walk out of his office looking drunk off of sex. Just like you did. He apologized, wine and dined you, then fucked you again. The same thing happened. Something wasn’t clicking, stay away from him; he’s bad for you; he’s using you; all things you should’ve listened to, but didn’t. That was on you, you decided to keep going back and keep getting your heart broken. That was until now, countless nights of crying about him, going back to him, waiting for him to call and use you again, you were done.

Wiping your tears for the last time, you wouldn’t let this man or any man make you cry like that ever again. That was a promise. ***

“Are you ever gonna get that tattoo finished?” Lindsay asked as she placed the bowl of popcorn between you two. It was Wednesday night, your scheduled movie night. “I think it would look really cool actually completed.”

You placed some popcorn in your mouth, thinking for a moment, “I don’t know…I think it looks kinda cool now!” Placing the blanket over your legs, you looked at your shoulder, a half finished tattoo of a skeleton hand holding a rose.

“Girl, don’t lie, you need to get it finished. Please? I’ve been looking at it for so long, I can’t stand it anymore! How are you not annoyed it’s only half done?!” She was adamant about making you get it finished, partially because she wanted you to go back to rub it in Jungkook’s face how amazing you were and what he lost when he slummed it with those other women.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll get it finished, but you need to get me tteokbokki after, got it?” It was something you’d dreaded, but having the feeling inside that you’d let him win by not seeing him again was eating at you from the inside.

Lindsay squealed in joy, clapping her hands, “ I’m gonna make you so hot! He’s gonna regret sleeping with those other bitches!”

“Whoa, whoa, I’m going to get my tattoo finished, not see him. And don’t call them bitches! Women stick up for women, no matter how fucked up some might be.” Secretly, you were hoping to make him jealous or upset with how he left you. He deserved to feel like shit.

“Okay, okay, sorry…I’M GONNA GET MY HEELS!!” Lindsay yelled as she ran out of the living room to grab her heels from her room. I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t stop her.

***

A week later, you walked into the shop, seeing the familiar face of RM. He was one of the piercers that worked in the parlour, “Y/N, hey, it’s been a while!” He spoke with a big smile, happy to see you again. With the time you’d spent there before everything, you’d befriended his friends. It felt unfair leaving them behind after it all.

“Yeah, hi, how’ve you been?” Even though Jungkook was nowhere to be seen, you couldn’t help but feel a lump growing in your throat.

RM had a bright smile on his face, one that he’d always had that always managed to make your day better. “Good! I’ve been good, uh, how can I help you today?” He asked, standing up from behind the front desk.

“I want to get my tattoo finished. I think it’s finally time.” You gave him a small smile, he’d known about what happened between you and Jungkook. It was hard not to know, he was friends with him after all.

“Alright, we can do that! Let me see…V could take you.” He looked up from the computer, seeing what was open now. You nodded your head, willing to take anyone who wasn’t Jungkook.

They’d gotten you situated at a station, instructing you to take off your sweater. Your half finished tattoo was now on display, waiting to be finished. V was nice, making small talk here and there, making sure you were comfortable with everything and that nothing was too painful. Pain wasn’t your thing, yes, you had to go through a period every month and maybe one day give birth, but you had a low pain tolerance. He used to squeeze your thigh, kiss your neck, finger you to keep you calm…stop it! Don’t think about him! He’s not in your life anymore, don’t waste precious thinking space on him! Not thinking about the needle piercing your skin was abruptly stopped when you felt a prick, yelping, you moved your shoulder away. V looked at you with wide eyes, “ I’m sorry! Was that painful? Oh god, are you okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

“No, no! It’s okay! I’m fine, just startled! Sorry, I zoned out for a moment…” You gave him a sheepish smile, relaxing in the chair again.

“That’s fine, just let me know if you need a break or anything, okay? Maybe I can sneak you a juice if you really want, too.” He gave you his signature boxy smile, instantly warming your heart.

You giggled, nodding your head, “That would be nice…” Smiling up at him, it felt nice to still be friendly with them even though you were nowhere close to being friendly with Jungkook.

V stood up, walking away to get you a juice from the break room. He left you in the chair, leaving you alone to listen to the music playing softly through the speakers. Quietly humming along, your thoughts were halted by hearing two voices. “Hey, RM, when’s my next client?”

“She should be here soon, it’s a touch up.” I could hear RM talk to the person. The other guy hummed, shuffling around a little.

You sat up, being faced with Jungkook. Everything seemed to go fuzzy, your thoughts, the sounds around you, even your eyesight. The lump in your throat returned, making it hard for you to breathe, V returned with your juice, “ I got you watermelon! You know? Since it’s your favourite!”

You were startled out of your trance, looking up at V who was holding your favourite juice. They still had it…? “Thanks…how do you-?”

You were cut off by V smiling sheepishly and rubbing the back of his neck. “We all thought you’d show up again…but when you didn’t, we kept the fridge stocked for whenever you decided to show up again.”

Heat rushed up to your cheeks, they’d waited for you? Why? His boxy smile came back again, looking over to Jungkook, waving “Hey, JK, lunch was good?”

“Yeah, it was fine. Pussy would’ve been better though.” Jungkook replied as if it were nothing, finally looking over to you. He faltered a little bit, quickly recovering by giving you a cocky smirk, “Glad to see you back, Y/N.”

Without another word, he walked away, back into his office. Biting the inside of your cheek, you knew this wasn’t the last time you’d see him. He was like a parasite, once you had it, it would never go away.

[funniestpersonalivefr]

tits, ass, or thighs (resident evil women headcanons)

part two baby, contains: jill valentine, claire redfield, rebecca chambers, and ada wong. nsfw obvi, mdni 😒

jill valentine:

jill loves all of these things but god your thighs just do things to her

she loves them, she's always resting her hand on them.

she'll lay her head down on them, they're the perfect pillow for her.

she loves having her head on your thighs.

only thing she loves more is having her head between her thighs.

you've been here for hours. jill between your legs, sucking on your cunt. your thighs squeeze around her head and she groans into your cunt, pulling away to kiss your thighs, which she has covered in numerous hickeys already. she slows down soothing you before diving right back in determined to get another orgasm out of you.

claire redfield:

i see claire as an ass girly

she just loves going up behind you and slapping your butt when you least expect it.

she'll put her hand in your back pocket so she can have her hand resting on your ass.

she will squeeze it if she gets the chance.

she's just kinda cute about her love for your butt.

you stood in the kitchen, pouring your cup of coffee. you felt when claire entered the room but just gave her a glance and a small smile before grabbing a granola bar. you move to make way for her as you head to the living room, dropping your snack. you make the mistake of bending over to grab it and immediately you feel claire's hand make contact with your butt. you can't help but giggle at your girlfriends behavior.

rebecca chambers:

rebecca chambers would answer personality to this question because she really is a sweet person like that.

actual answer is tits but she'll never tell anyone that

she likes to rest her head on them.

you'll often wake up in the morning to find her cuddled up in your boobs.

she loves to hold them.

you giggle as rebecca's hair tickles you a little. her head is laying on your bare chest. although you two don't have the time to get intimate often, tonight was one of those rare moments. you're both still feeling the rush from your orgasms but rebecca is clearly tired. her hand gently holds onto your boob as she begins to drift to sleep.

ada wong:

this was a hard one to decide.

ive settled on boobs.

not only does she got a killer rack but i think she'd enjoy a significant other with boobs too.

she loves boobs no matter the size.

she will play with them all night long.

you whined out from under ada as her fingers pinched your nipples. she hummed at your reaction giving you a smug smirk as she continued. she loved having you under her, completely submitted to her will.

[the-s1lly-corner]

hello I hope ur request are open! If not be free to ignore this!! Okay so TADC x y/n? (The amazing digital circus also it can be muti characters or one!! The choice is yours!! ^ ^)

OKAY OKAY SO WHAT IF..🥁🥁🥁 y/n was like Jessica rabbit from "who framed roger rabbit" 👀 and was very like motherly to everyone but when she was called doll,/toots,/ect, by jax or anyone SHE WOULD PUNCH THEM HARDDDD (kinda like the lola bunny fanfic??) Also she is like one inch taller then jax (she a tall women👀❤️)

(HAVE FUN WITH THIS IDEA!! DONT RUSH YOURSELF TO DO IT TAKE UR TIME ON IT!! AND DRINKS LOTS OF WATER AND EAT FOOD!! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY/NIGHT!!🫶🫶)

Digital Circus x a jessica rabbit-type reader!

since im a little melty brain from blasting through a bunch of requests today im going to do part of the cast! mostly characters i think would be interesting with this kind of reader as well as some characters i just wanna write more of (cough cough kinger cough cough)(i was originally going to do gangle as well but uhuh!!) ...this reminds me ive never watched who framed roger rabbit... or rather i have, but its been so long that ive truly forgotten nearly every aspect of the movie relying on the character wiki talking about her personality to guide me through this

CAINE:

caines and jax's parts are both likely going to be on the shorter side thanks to both of their cores holding similar themes in regards to half of the idea

anyways he's going to call you pet names, especially if he's interested in you.. good luck trying to land anything on him, though, he's going to easily zoom through the air

okay nod to the lola bunny request aside, i think caine would be just head (jaw?) over heels for you, i mean, he would be anyways, but something about your caring and quick witted personality

probably makes literal heart eyes at you and audibly goes "awooga"

absolutely loves watching you do your thing during the in house adventures, on the few times he actually spectates them; though you may or may not be the reason he watches

seems like the kind of person to call you "hot stuff" or "babe"

doesn't really care about the height difference since he rarely ever stands on the ground anyways, plus he doesn't care how small he is

JAX:

to get a good idea of how jax would interact with you, i recommend this similar post! hope this links correctly, im still new to linking stuff in my posts!!

a lot of elements from the post above bleed into this, but lets add some more to it to make it a little more unique to the jessica rabbit idea!

takes it upon himself to try to get some sort of reaction out of you, outside of the name stuff... which proves to be a little harder than he thought.. actually, oddly enough, you seem to enjoy his antics?

well thats certainly new to him...

aaaaaand oh! hey would you look at that you've officially caught his attention, congratulations!

does not take too kindly to being the new second tallest, though... sure you're barely taller than him but its the principle! how can he lord his height over everyone else now!

KINGER:

so here's where i may be biased since i love kinger and i wish more people wrote for him, so his part may be a little longer, we'll see! i write these lil notes as i work on the post

right away i dont think he would call you any of the petnames listed above, or anything similar. i think, should you guys get on a nickname basis he would call you sweeter ones, "my love," "my darling", "my sweetheart", and similar stuff!

does not have lightning reflexes like jax and caine but if the names genuinely do bother you he would likely stop, you'll just have to remind him

imma be so real this man needs someone to stand back and just be there for him because he is going through it, so to have someone in his corner who has his best interests at heart will really do a lot for him

no comment on the height difference since kinger is pretty tall himself (and hes taller than jax! the only reason jax isnt upset about that is because kinger is always hunched), but i dont think he gives a darn about height

i am once again thinking about the in house adventure prompt with kinger that i had earlier, where he gets stuck somewhere and you have to go rescue him... this + that prompt, JUMPS UP N DOWN

[midmourn]

stupid in love

♡ huh yunjin ﹒ gender neutral!idol!reader, kinda implied lsf 6th member!reader genre fluff, a tiny bit of angst/slice of life warnings secret relationship, i never explicitly mention fem reader but it is slightly implied with the 6th reader + implied homophobia, several taylor swift references and one very very vague beabadoobee reference lol note if you’re new here, i dont (normally) write for lsf but ive been waiting for this song to come out and it finally did so here this is very self indulgent lol. takes place in an alternate universe where there was a kcon in france for kcon europe 🤷‍♀️ also no i didnt look up time differences in korea and france ( library )

“Wow, this place is even more beautiful in person,” you hum, latching onto Yunjin’s free hand with your own that wasn’t preoccupied holding your small backpack. It was night time in Paris, France, by the time you and the other girls arrived. The next day would be Kcon, which you were excited to see the other idol groups perform, even a few of your favorites were there.

The black haired girl couldn’t help but smile at the content look on your face, trying her hardest to resist the urge to squeeze your cheeks and kiss you senseless. She was well aware of the cameras focused on the two of you, and forced herself to subtly slide her hand out of yours. It seemed the media never stopped working, either.

Glancing at her, you ignore her action before following behind Chaewon as she begins to lead the rest of you to the company car. As usual, the two of you pile in the car last, lagging behind for the other girls to get in before you. Chaewon sits in the passenger seat while Eunchae and your manager sit in the front row and Sakura and Kazuha in the middle row.

As the car begins to roll forward, your head leans on her shoulder as Eunchae began filming a video on a camera for the experience. Yunjin doesn’t pay the camera any mind, knowing everything but Eunchae would be blurred out in the final cut, and you two probably weren’t even in the shot, anyway. In the privacy of the car with the members, she intertwines her fingers with yours, laying them in your lap. Her head turns, lips brushing against the inside of your wrist where the tattoo of the moon was before she leans her head back on yours. Her free hand feels the smoothness of her own wrist where her sun tattoo was.

With you falling asleep on her, she was able to put in her earbuds and put her playlist on shuffle. One of her favorites, Paper Rings, started to play and she smiled slightly but genuinely, immediately being reminded of you— and the dream she had of you last night.

Normally, she could never remember her dreams but this one, she immediately wrote it down when she woke up. Maybe it was a vision, or a version of you and her in another universe, she didn’t know. But she remembered the feeling of nervousness and anticipation as she kneeled down in front of you, the ecstasy when you said yes, and the comfort and love she felt for you for the rest of your lives.

While the dream did make her want to kick her feet and giggle like a kid, it made her die a little inside because she knew she’d never be able to have that with you. Not when the world was the way it was. Neither of you would ever have a career again, you wouldn’t be able to do the things you loved like you were doing right now. And yeah, she loved performing and singing, she loved the fans, she loved the girls, her life couldn’t be more perfect— but she was pretty sure she loved you more than anything else.

It got her thinking as she got ready for the flight to France, that maybe she could indulge in her dreams a bit, even if it was just nonsense talking. She just wants to know that you feel the same way, too. That you’re in this for the long run, just like her.

The thought remains in her head for the rest of the ride to the hotel, dodging fans waiting in the front of the hotel as you head in through the back. Like usual, you and Yunjin are roommates. Taking the key card with a smile, the other girls watch you two rush off with childish giggles leaving your mouths.

It’s not until the two of you are laying in the queen sized bed that she brings it up. She’s playing with a strand of your hair, trying to focus on you as you ramble on about all the things you want to do while in Paris. She knows she should focus, but all she can think about is her dream and that damn Taylor song. Goddamn Taylor and her musical ability.

“Jen,” your soft touch to her jaw makes her eyes snap towards yours, and she goes to hold it, keeping your hand there. “What’s wrong? You’ve been distant all day.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” she shakes her head, shuffling closer to you as one of your legs intertwined with hers. “Just been thinking.”

“About?” You playfully press, raising brows like you knew the answer already. She wouldn’t be surprised if you did.

Yunjin laughs, “About a thing or two.” She presses a clumsy kiss to what she hoped were your lips in the dark, but manages to miss and kiss your chin. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you murmur, eyes glancing down at her lips, “A kiss is a kiss.”

A comfortable silence follows, just staring at each other before she speaks up, “I had a dream last night. An epiphany, if you will.” She slide glances at you, “Eureka!” The two of you burst into giggles, before she sobers up quickly, continuing her train of thought before she lost the confidence, “And it was a really, really good dream. It’s like my number one wish.”

You smile, “Yeah? What happened? Did you do a collab with Taylor Swift? I had a dream like that once.”

“We got married,” she quickly rushes out before she can talk herself out of it. Your silence makes her heart ache, but what did she really expect?

“What was the wedding like?” Whatever she expected you to say— was not that.

Her mouth opens and closes at your question, feeling her heart warm at the expectant, loving look on your face. You didn’t shy away from her, or close off, like she expected. It was like you wanted it, too. She smiles shyly, tracing shapes on the back of your hand, “Good music. We looked really good. We danced to Lover,” she laughs, and you did, too. “All of our friends were there. Family, too. Lots of flowers, pastel colors. I cry during my vows. You cry, too. Just a bunch of snot and tears. I loved it.”

“So do I,” you whisper, eyes seemingly glistening in the dark.

Yunjin’s eyes search yours for something, and when she finds it, she says without hesitation, “Let’s get married in Vegas.”

You smile a mixture of bashfulness and sadness, “I wish.”

“We don’t really need anyone else,” she murmurs, scooting closer to you, your noses almost touching now. “No guest list. Just you and me.”

“Whose last name would we take?” You whisper quietly, closing your eyes to imagine it.

She keeps her eyes open, staring straight at you unwaveringly, “Anyone’s. I don’t care, we can keep our last names, or combine, just as long as you’re mine and I’m yours.”

“I’m yours and you’re mine with or without a piece of paper, baby,” you smile, opening your eyes back open to fiddle with her necklace.

Yunjin’s smile grows bigger as yours does, both of you leaning in at the same time to press your lips together in a soft but meaningful kiss. You linger a second after you pull back, scattering small kisses over her face and making her laugh slightly.

“I think Chaewon would kill us if we even tried to elope,” you pull back, laughing at the memory of the leader yelling. “Like she did when we got those matching tattoos without telling anyone last year.” God, the tweets about the tattoos were hilarious. “But it’s a fun thought.”

“I’ll save it for our Pinterest board,” Yunjin grins when your eyes dart to hers in a bit of shock. She laughs, “What?”

“You have a Pinterest board for us?” Your voice is soft as you ask, finding it endearing. She sheepishly nods, and you laugh softly, pressing a kiss to her nose, “Cute. I wanna see.”

She’s hesitant to agree, but with quick thinking on her feet, she manages to grab your attention with, “Wait, after I make you a ring out of paper.” She sits up, hastily pulling her bag over to her for a piece of paper. She seems to serious and into her task that it makes you giggle a bit, making her brows relax as she glances up away from her bag. “What? I know it’s not an actual ring, but—”

You cut her off by curling your fingers around the collar of her shirt, pulling her down to you with a large “umph!” leaving her mouth as she crashes down into your body. She goes to push herself up but you grab her face, pulling her lips to yours and she easily stops, leaning all of her weight on you and deepening the kiss. Your hand trails to the back of her head, smoothing it down until your finger wraps a strand of her hair around your finger. You pull back, a string of saliva connecting you to her like an invisible red string of fate.

You grin, swiping the string away with a finger, “I’m so stupid in love with you, Jennifer. You’d be the crazy one to think I’d say no.”

“Everyone thinks you’re the crazy one, actually,” she murmurs, shaking her head lightly before pulling you in for another kiss. “Guess we’re the perfect pair, huh?”

[kazumist]

EPISODE 3 ✦ THANK YOU, FOR HOLDING ON

LOVE, MAYBE — A CHILDE SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / timestamps don't matter

cw: mentions of parents arguing, but nothing too specific. reader drinks and drunk texts (should drunk texting be a warning? idk tbh). please read notes utc after reading! it's important :)

extra notes.

to every eldest daughter like me out there, im sending you the biggest hug 🫂🫂🫂 may the world treat us kinder indeed. this episode is a bit special for me as i used this as an outlet for myself as well HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :') im aware that not every eldest daughter has the same experience but this is personally what i went through when i was younger and even until now. (ive been better though!) i know it may be sudden that things got heavy like this when it's only the 3rd episode but trust me, it's all part of the plan. and this is definitely not gonna be the only time where hurt/comfort is gonna appear.

to briefly explain the whole family situation, nicolette is the reader's younger sister. she's the one who's contact name is the bow. as for the parents, they've been on bad terms for years due to marriage problems so they usually end up fighting every now and then. there's a high chance for them to file a divorce at some point as the story continues.

gsm = ginebra san miguel hahaha it's an alcohol brand in my country. that's all! the next chapter is kinda the aftermath of everything i suppose? will probably be a bit lengthy but not as long as this LOL

taglist (open): @xianyoon @blue-b3rries @kizakiss @kissingkzuha @aethion @phtogravi @ell1e2010 @esthelily @b4tm4nn @hcmay @ivvieene @morganadorodo @kaitfae @kentply @scaranthropy @kyon-cherri @kookiibun @kochothehoe @mekiiiii @ibyobi @iuspired @tetsuskei @kunikuzushis-darling @morgyyyyyyy @chluuvr @scaradooche @kissmiere @a1-ic3 @bubblegum-angelquartz @tiredjxnna @levlucs-kiru @angeilix @cerisescherries @saeskiss @a-talkative-corn @briluvspnk @kamisatoyato @bbysatoruuu @viviixoxosblog @bambisz @chemiru @eternal-dokja @bflyprincess @jamieexistss @monocerosei

[hollowblxxd]

Its been one hell of a long time since ive rambled about something so heres my rambles on mouthwashing and how i think everyone kinda seeing some stuff wrong.

This is mostly a focus on the situation between Anya and Jimmy unfortunately, and also my opinion on Curly and the innocence he has and the weight he carries. I understand the game doesn't go in depth on what happened between Anya and Jimmy but I think the subtle-ness of the games speaks more volumes than any dialogue. Basically in my head, given how Anya acts around Jimmy, I think the truth behind what happens its more long-term. That they were "together" in obviously a very abusive way. Jimmy constantly gaslighting, belittling then lovebombing, etc. etc. manipulating Anya into believing she had to be with him. I think the "one worse monster that doesnt define us" is the one moment in the relationship where Jimmy "took it too far" (the SA and possibly threat with a gun). I remember seeing another post of Curly being a metaphor for the future baby they would have together and seeing how Anya acts literally seems like a timid broken wife of an abuser. She too scared and guilty to work on the child she hates looking at and Jimmy is "forced" to do it, continuing to berate her for "not doing her job" (aka being a nurse OR being a mother.) I feel like that alone tells you how their relationship is. Anya isn't just a one-time victim but a LONG TERM VICTIM of the constant mental, emotional AND physical abuse at the hands of Jim. It doesn't wipe clean the one thing he did because they were "dating", Im not at all using this as a justification for anything at all but I suppose Im putting it in prespective. Because it leads into my next part with Curly. Everyone doesnt know what to think of Curly, good bad, whatever. I remember I was also mad to when I first found out about what Jimmy did and I was in fact mad at Curly for not doing more. But then I genuinely thought about it. Imagine you are literally hearing this for the first time, imagine you didnt even know Anya and Jimmy were "in a relationship", imagine if you did know they were a thing but didnt know what was going on behind closed doors, imagine if this was a one time event and the person you thought you knew was actually just a bad person. Imagine. Having not even a DAY, A DAY TO PROCESS THAT. Imagine if you had your own mental disorders that making it hard to process heavy emotions and now your stuck with this and you dont know what to do Imagine. Thats what Curly had to go thru. I understand why people are mad that Curly didnt do more, but in the end I want to personally believe that it such a complicated situation. That Anya and Jimmy seemed like they were on good terms, that maybe they were okay but they werent because behind closed door or when they were alone, Jimmy was eating Anya alive like some predatory parasite. Its a lot to process and Curly didnt have time to process it. He didn't have time to process that his friend was a monster, that his crew was unsafe, that HE had bad judgement, that maybe HE TOO was a BAD PERSON for NOT SEEING IT SOONER. Sometimes bad things happen and you dont know and you had to hold that guilty forever. Curly isn't a bad person, hes jsut a PERSON, a person going thru and being the sole person responsible for a LOT of literal possible blood on his hands. Hes trying so fucking hard to tread this all lightly to protect everyone. I don't think at all that Curly was trying to protect Jimmy. I think he was trying to protect his crew. Hes trying to be a good captain and sometimes that doesnt mean just fucking putting an axe thru Jimmy's head. Anya doesnt need to see that, Daisuke doesn't need to see that, Im sure Swansea would have volunteered but Curly wouldnt want to turn Swansea into a fucking MURDERER after all the years he spent being an honest man. Anya is already guilty and broken, Daisuke is innocent and young, Swansea is trying so hard to be on the good side of life. Curly is delicately balancing EVERYTHING. ITS ALL ON HIM HE TOOK THIS RESPONSIBILITY AND IT HURTS.

[biibini]

modern!mizu headcannons

a/n: my brain has been nothing but her so it’s ab time i write ab her. i’ve read a bunch of modern!mizu headcannons ab her but i need more !! it becomes a drabble at the end but my girl deserves peace and happiness pls

i’ve read a lot of hc w her in uni so i’ll prob stick to the similar things ive read + more

modern!mizu would def be in university studying mechanical engineering

ik this is specific but pls hear me out it fits bc shes a smartie & her adopted dad (master eiji) was a very technical person when she was growing up

she’s also in uni due to an engineering scholarship

modern!mizu is usually at the gym if it wasn’t for classes and fixing her bike

yes she has a motorcycle. i stand by this hc and many others who share similar ideas.

prob a kawasaki ninja but decked out w her own alternations

modern!mizu is a gym rat but is too stubborn to admit it, esp after taigen pointed it out once

likes to go in the early morning for the peace and quiet

she typically goes in for cardio and weights to keep her healthy and in shape but has dabbled in calisthenics before

taigen used to fence w her before he got into other sports such as basketball

(random thought but he just looks like he would play basketball player)

modern!mizu is very smart… but has a slight huge problem with procrastination

akemi has tried many studying techniques with mizu but it ends up her procrastinating and finishing alone

she prefers studying alone in the library or at her desk, until you came along

(ill elaborate on mizu & reader another time)

modern!mizu cannot cook for shit i’m sorry

she can kinda chef it up but it’s taken her a while she nearly burnt the kitchen and has repeatedly turned on the fire alarm and now ringo has ptsd

usually ringo will cook something or help her cook

speaking of ringo

her and ringo are roommates in off-campus housing 2 bed 2 bath

at first, dad eiji was a bit hesitant since he was helping mizu move in but warmed up to ringo once he cooked them dinner (his mom’s soba recipe)

mizu swears she saw a tear roll down her dad’s cheek that day

modern!mizu usually dresses more casually and comfy but still likes her dark blues

not to self indulge but she would like the baggy acubi look that she can move in

(i know this is so inaccurate of others’ headcannons but pls the baggy button up + slingbag combo would go crazy)

ik she got a uniqlo drawstring sling bag

or just any sporty crossbody sling bag

hear me out pls

it’s easier to get on and balance on her motorcycle with comfy clothes and a secure bag

on mizu’s and ringo’s move-in “anniversary” (as ringo like to call it), he got her a lil keychain for her bag with a jingle on it as a joke to her initial move-in gift to him: a bell for being so silent

modern!mizu usually keeps to herself and her friends

after her ex bf m*k*o (yes im censoring his name he doesnt deserve to be typed out) , she’s very cautious of who to trust

thankfully, ringo, akemi, and taigan (as much of an ass as he is) has taught her to open up and be okay with who she is

but there are days when she prefers to be alone and sticking to her own business in peace and quiet

headphones on locked in 🎧

modern!mizu likes to wind down before bed with some chamomile or lavender tea

her temper used to control her feelings, especially when she was much younger

having a small routine at night keeps her calm & well rested

eiji initially started this routine after their long days of welding in the backyard

she can’t cook but give her a teapot and tea leaves, she will make it right

(ok im done imagining her life lets get to the good stuff)

modern!mizu loves little touches

whether it’s holding u by ur hand or shoulder or waist, her hand will always be there

her main love language is physical touch

the more comfortable she gets with u, the longer she’ll leave her hand on u

whenever u and her are out at a party or gathering, u implemented the secret squeeze if either one of u wants to get out

u haven’t used it before but mizu did a few times

it was when she just wanted to be closer to u in the comfort of her own bed

modern!mizu enjoys shopping w u

she kind of knows her style: comfy and light

but she never explored how to pair clothes together until u showed her some basic pairing

when she first met akemi, she was uncomfortable with more feminine styles and shopping for going-out tops with her

it mainly stems from just not knowing a lot of trends and seeing a wide range of items

she got accustomed the items but seeing u have fun trying new tops

totally not sneaking into the changing room and stealing a few kisses many kisses

modern!mizu also enjoys holding ur things for u

she won’t say it explicitly but she is silently expressive ab it

u need someone to hold ur drink while u fix ur shoes? she got it. need someone to hold ur bag while u go to the bathroom? she got it.

need someone to get a glass of water even though ur all comfy in bed? she will get it (for a price aka some extra cuddles & kisses)

she’s also the type of put ur hand behind ur back when ur in a crowd

ok thats all for now but hope u enjoyed ♡

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part XVIII

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself, and... idk, I didn't mean to put anything warning worthy here, but if you think of something I guess let me know. <3

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII

----------------------

The days that followed after Satoru told you he liked you, it seemed that everything had gone back to normal and you two were slowly falling back into your usual routine: meeting up early in the mornings, bantering in between classes and missions, and eating lunch with Shoko when all of you were at the school. It was comforting to have things return to how they used to be, or that was what you thought.

“What’s up with him?” Shoko asked across from you.

Satoru had business to attend so he had just left you and Shoko at the table in the cafeteria.

“What do you mean?” you looked in the direction he had gone but could no longer see him.

From your perspective, Satoru had not changed much since that day he walked through the school holding your hand; he had not pressed the subject of whether you liked him back still any further either, and since he appeared to be okay in this grey zone where you two were sitting, you had not brought it up either. However, Shoko, as perceptive as ever, had noticed how Gojo, who always seemed to like your personal space, was moving into it almost permanently these days; how he was not even bothering to be discreet with the way he looked at you or remained by your side when you were in the same room, and how, if he was not careful, it would be evident to everyone pretty soon.

At first, Shoko had believed it was all in her head; since that day, years ago, when she first considered that Gojo could have some kind of crush on you, the notion had prevailed. In fact, she had thought she was looking into her friends’ relationship too much, maybe because none of them seem to pay any mind to how they were perceived, so it was not entirely impossible her eyes were just making her believe what she had accepted as true for so long was finally materializing.

Gojo’s laid-back attitude had been one of the reasons why Shoko doubted he cared seriously about whatever feelings he could have for you. Other than that rocky season in high school and a few other occurrences through the years that followed, Satoru had never taken any steps towards an actual relationship with you. Hence, Shoko thought it's a harmless crush.

But as of lately, he looked more... intent. Or maybe...

He’s losing his grip.

“You’ve never found him annoying, have you?” Your friend looked at her almost empty plate and it somehow reminded you of a similar talk you had had months ago.

“A bunch of times, but I guess I don’t find him too annoying,” you answered.

“Isn’t that all love is about?” Ieiri’s eyes connected with yours.

Her comment caught you off guard, and she might have noticed the way your smile froze because her gaze did not leave yours.

You did the only thing that could think of: laugh it off. “Yeah, I guess, if love is annoying, that is.”

Are you finally annoyed by it, Gojo?

“You tell me.” Shoko smiled and put the last bite of her food in her mouth.

***

“Why won’t she just admit she likes him?” Satoru asked while looking at the movie playing in front of him.

Maybe it was a rhetorical question, but you did not look at him before replying “Because there would have been no movie if they were that direct.”

It was a Friday night and Satoru had made an impromptu proposal to you to have a movie marathon at his place. You had accepted but now, into your first movie of the night, you were having trouble to stay focused on the story, which was supposed to be some sort of romantic comedy, not half as bad as many, but the romantic scenes were making you self-conscious.

You watched the scene where the protagonists had gone from arguing to making out and you felt the need to look somewhere else.

From the corner of your eye, Satoru seemed unimpressed.

He’s unfazed, of course he is.

Actually, Satoru was only calm on the surface. Unbeknownst to you, he had also perceived the change in the air between the two of you when the more intimate scenes started playing. He thought he should have chosen a different film, but suggesting changing it now would only make the unsaid more obvious, so he was sticking it up with the most unexpressive face he could manage as the actors on the screen seemed to melt into each other.

Satoru had not meant anything suggestive by choosing that movie; he had just played the first thing he found as he always did when you had not planned in advance, and under normal circumstances, that would have been fine. You had watched all kinds of films together, including romantic ones, the good and the bad ones, but now…

Satoru was already looking at you when you were about to steal another glance in his direction.

His gaze revealed a question he dared not ask, or rather, a question he had promised himself he would not ask until you were ready.

He was trying to be a good friend, even if he wanted to be more than that. It had taken him a while to figure out his feelings, so he had resolved to give you as much time as you needed. Yes, Satoru was convinced he could wait patiently, but…

Is he leaning forward?

At times… His resolve weakened.

“[name]…”

The look he was giving you was that of a kid who wanted to ask for something but did not know how. In his clear eyes, there was need but also fear of being denied.

What is your answer? his eyes were asking.

The winter had also frozen time in your friendship, in this safe spot in Satoru’s place, where you could still be friends and pretend nothing needed to change as it never changed in the years before, not in his apartment nor in your friendship. But time must go on, does it not?

“Satoru...”

His phone rang.

Both of you looked at the phone that was screen-down on the coffee table in front of you, and it seemed to take Satoru a couple of seconds to decide if he wanted to pick it up, but he finally did.

“I’ll be right back.” You got up and went to the kitchen.

Giving him some privacy to take the call was an excuse; part of you just wanted to escape of it all, ask Satoru to take it back, let everything remain as it was, stay in the known, but the other part, the part that had been falling for him all this time wanted to see it through.

Are you in love with him?

For a second, you were back in your living room with Haruki, his question and your answer resonating in your head as you watched the cup of tea travel steady from the table to his lips.

“Some people think knowledge that doesn’t change behavior is worthless,” his eyes did not meet yours, and you did not reply immediately.

“If you knew he liked you, would you act on it?” He had almost finished his cup.

"I don't know," you replied.

Months ago, you had been convinced you wanted to act on your feelings, but now, the idea of change was scary, the idea of trying to later find out it was not what you wanted, was scarier; the idea that you and Satoru would never recover if that happened, was terrifying.

“To change something, you first need to accept the possibility of change, and of course you need to know that those possibilities exist. I guess in that way, that knowledge is not worthless, even if nothing actually comes out of it. We should accept the possibilities.”

His feelings were sudden but if there is a possibility...

“Okay, I can accept that,” you said lowly to yourself.

“You can accept what?” Satoru was looking at you and taking the sodas you had just mindlessly pulled from the fridge from your hands.

The room felt a few degrees warmer with his proximity.

“Nothing, I was just...” Your gaze drifted to the door leading to a small terrace where Satoru had installed a couple chairs to sit on when the weather was nice. He almost never did it though, and you could use some fresh air. “Do you want to go outside?”

A smile played on Satoru’s lips. “Isn’t it cold?”

“Just for a bit.”

That was how you and he ended up outside looking at the city lights. You looked up but it was impossible to see the stars. Satoru mirrored your gesture and then directed his gaze back to the city.

“Do you ever regret it?” he asked.

“Regret what?”

He shrugged. “Staying here, doing what we do, not going somewhere quieter or… somewhere where you could see the stars.” He looked up again and you kept your gaze on him.

Why was he asking that now you did not know, but you answered him honestly.

“I do not regret it.” It was true. Even when you did have the opportunity to do something else or be somewhere else, you chose not to leave. “This is pretty too.”

The lights of a city that never seem to sleep were probably not as fascinating and mystical as the stars that burned millions of light years away, but they had some beauty of their own.

“I guess so,” Satoru agreed, and he wrapped an arm around you, and after some silence he spoke again.

“Aren't you cold?”

You nodded your head. “But can we stay here a little longer?”

And maybe what you really wanted to ask was can we stay like this a little longer?

In any case, Satoru would have given you the same response as he held you tighter.

“Of course.”

----------------------

Note: I'll try to proofread... Oh, and sorry about basically disappearing. Thank you a bunch for the kind messages during my silence. <3

Thank you for reading!

Next: Part XIX

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