#kiefer sutherland imagine

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

tags: @eclecticwildflowers, @illiana-mystery, @onedirectionlovers2014

warnings: swearing, talk of menstruation, ace is a little bit of an asshole but it’s for the good of reader

I drove another car into the garage and set it up for ace. He smiled at me as I climbed out and popped the hood for him.

“thanks babe.” Ace said as he kissed my cheek. “Wanna work on this one?”

“Sure.” I said, smiling back at him as I secured the hood and looked into the engine. “What’s wrong with it?” There was a twinge in my stomach as I leaned into the car a little. I waved it off mentally and looked back over at ace.

“needs a new filter.” Ace shrugged. “Might as well check the oil while you’re in there.” I nodded and pulled aces tools over to me.

“what about the fan belt?” I asked. Ace moved next to me to look.

“yeah might as well change that too.” He nodded. “Let me go get it for you.” I cringed as there was another twinge of pain across my abdomen. I ran my hand across where the pain flared before leaning into the car to work on removing the parts that needed to be removed. “Parts are by the tools. I’m going to work on an oil change next to you.” Ace put his hand on my back so I didn’t jump. I nodded as I winced in pain again.

“sounds good. Thanks.” I shot him a smile and he nodded. His eyebrows furrowed before he walked over to start on the car like he said he would. Throughout the rest of work I was doing, I continued to wince and even had to bite back a soft moan of pain. Ace kept glancing over at me every time I did. “Hnng. Fuck.” I groaned and ace walked over, wiping his hands on a cloth as he grabbed the back of my coveralls, tugging me off the car.

“you’re not ok.” He said, his voice low. “What’s wrong?” I shook my head and smiled at him.

“I’m fine ace.” I tried to assure him. “Let me get back to the car.” I went to move back to the car but his grip on my collar tightened. “Ace. I’m serious.”

“you’re not fine. Everyone here can see it. Eyeball even mentioned something. And eyeball doesn’t notice anything.” I frowned at him.

“ace. I’m serious. I’m fine.” I tried to assure him. Ace sighed and let go of my collar. I went to love back to the car when ace ducked down and put his shoulder against my stomach. Standing up he tipped me over his shoulder, arm across the back of my legs. “Ace!” I cried, making some of the other mechanics look over. Eyeball and Vince started laughing as they walked ace carry me to his office. “Put me down you asshole!” I pounded on his back but it didn’t make him stop. “Merrill!”

“sit.” He said as he dumped me on the couch and gave me a pointed look. I pouted at him as he went around his desk to grab something from a drawer. He tossed me the small bottle and I caught it. I frowned at the bottle and looked back up at him. “Take those.” Ace rounded the desk again to go to the mini fridge in the corner. He pulled out a bottle of water and handed it to me as he sat down next to me.

“pain killers?” I asked as I did what he said. “Why do you have pain killers in your desk?” Ace gave me a wicked grin. “What aren’t you telling me ace? Did you get hurt?” I started to look him over, bottle shaking in my hand as I ran my hand over his arm. Ace caught my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

“they aren’t for me.” He assured me. “They’re for you. That drawer is yours. Didn’t you see me unlock it?” I shook my head. “Well it’s locked. I have a key. I’ll get you one made. But come here. Look.” He pulled me up and unlocked the drawer again. Ace waited for me to open it and I looked over at him with a soft smile.

“ace.” I breathed out as I sat in his chair to rifle through the drawer.

“it’s everything you need for…uh…that time of the month.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know I’m not the best talking about it. Or even waiting for it to end.” He chuckled and I rolled my eyes with a smile. “But you always hurt when it comes round. And I don’t like seeing you hurt.” Ace pulled me back up and wrapped his arms around me, casually taking the bottle and dropping it back into the drawer. “Eyeball mentioned once that you accidentally bled through your coveralls. Whenever someone asked he said you sat in paint. And I vaguely remembered washing them out later so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.” I looked at him and tried to think through when that happened.

“I…I don’t remember that.” I admitted. Ace smiled.

“good.” He leaned his head against mine. “As embarrassing as that has to be, I’m glad you have no idea what I’m talking about. So I stocked up on what you have at your place and what you left at mine. I figured it covered everything.” Ace handed me the key, kissing me softly. “In case you need anything else today. And take the next couple days off. Relax. Sleep. I know you feel exhausted sometimes. Just…” he shrugged and kissed me again. “We’ll cuddle when we get home and wash up.” I nodded and laughed.

“and to think most guys would be embarrassed about this. More than me finding out I bled through my coveralls.” I said, cupping his cheek. “Thank you.” Ace smiled and tugged me closer.

“of course. It’s the least I can do.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Anything for you sweets.”

[queenlakiefer]

Saw this picture on Facebook and had to edit this and put Edgar there because it is totally something he would do 🤣

[hypocriticaltypwriter]

I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT NANCY AND ACE GOING TO A CITY FAIR AND NANCY SEES A STAND SELLING BLOOD HOUND PUPPIES AND ACE CAVES SEEING HER PICK OUT THE SHY SCARED LITTLE RUNT IN THE CORNER AND LOVE ON IT SO HE BUYS HER THAT ONEEEEE

[pumpkincottageart]

The Lost Boys

the first image is 90's animation style

I loved drawing these four vampires, although Marko and his jacket were the most complicated

[fics-not-tragedies]

January 2024 Music Prompts - Spotify Wrapped edition

♪ Hello again! Yes, I'm finally back, at last. Let's start new year with something great: music prompts ♪🎵🎶

♪ Since getting your Spotify Wrapped is such a huge event every year (at least for me, who listens to the same 5 artists and even tho I still get surprised, lol), I decided to surprise you with a little prompt event.

♪ I've chosen 15 songs from my 2023 Wrapped playlist and a lyric (or few) for each one of them that just has THE vibe (y'know):

1. Own My Mind ♫ Måneskin I'm prayin' at your altar if you know what I mean.

2. Dinner & Diatribes ♫ Hozier I’d suffer hell if you'd tell me/What you'd do to me tonight.

3. Kiwi ♫ Harry Styles She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes/Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.

4. Electricity ♫ Arctic Monkeys Tell me something I don’t already know/Like how'd you get your kisses to fill me with electricity?

5. Francesca ♫ Hozier Though I know my heart would break/I'd tell them, "Put me back in it".

6. Honey (Are You Coming?) ♫ Måneskin I'm gonna show you how this Italian amor/It's gonna love you harder than ever before/You will like it.

7. Don't Blame Me ♫ Taylor Swift I would fall from grace/Just to touch your face.

8. For Your Love ♫ Måneskin I wanna be the first man you look at tonight/I wanna be stuck in your head and make you go wild.

9. Stuck ♫ Thirty Seconds to Mars I've been lost in your eyes all afternoon/The more I drift, the closer I get to you.

10. Mammamia ♫ Måneskin They ask me why I'm so hot, 'cause I'm italiano.

11. Nobody ♫ Hozier I'd be appalled if I saw you ever try to be a saint/I wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave/But I want you to know that I've had no love like your love.

12. I Can See You ♫ Taylor Swift But what would you do if I went to touch you now?/What would you do if they never found us out?/What would you do if we never made a sound?

13. Baby Said ♫ Måneskin Baby said, "Let me taste your silhouette/You can talk between my legs"/Uh-uh, uh, uh, know you really want to.

14. Cuff It ♫ Beyonce I wanna go higher, can I sit on top of you?

15. I Wanna Be Your Dog ♫ John McCrea So messed up, I want you here/In my room, I want you here/Now we're gonna be face-to-face/And I'll lay right down in my favorite place.

♪ You can now start making request for the following list of characters:

1. Keanu Reeves along with his following characters/movies:

John Wick & the John Wick movies franchise,

Constantine & the movie,

Johnny Utah & Point Break,

Jonathan Harker & Bram Stoker’s Dracula,

Neo & The Matrix,

dr Julian Mercer,

Jack Traven & Speed;

2. Riccardo Scamarcio along with:

Santino D’Antonio;

3. Andrew Hozier Byrne;

4. Tom Hiddleston along with his following characters/movies:

Sir Thomas Sharpe & Crimson Peak,

Loki & Avengers/Thor,

Adam & Only Lovers Left Alive,

dr Robert Laing & High Rise,

Jonathan Pine & The Night Manager;

5. Henry Cavill along with his following characters/movies:

Geralt of Rivia & The Witcher,

Walter Marshall & Nomis,

Capt. Syverson & Sand Castle,

Napoleon Solo & The Man from U.N.C.L.E.,

August Walker & MI: Fallout,

6. Alexander Skarsgård along with his following characters/movies:

Eric Northman & True Blood,

Leo Beiler & Mute,

Gadi Becker & The Little Drummer Girl,

sergeant Brad “Iceman” Colbert & Generation Kill,

7. Peaky Blinders franchise along with the following characters:

Thomas ‘Tommy’ Shelby,

Alfie Solomons,

8. Supernatural franchise along with the following characters:

Dean Winchester,

Sam Winchester,

9. The X Files franchise along with the following characters:

Dana Scully,

Fox Mulder,

10. Kiefer Sutherland along with his following characters/movies:

Jack Bauer & 24,

president Tom Kirkman & Designated Survivor,

David & The Lost Boys.

Please send in a number with the song/lyric you fancy + a character from those listed above, first come - first serve, as always.

If there are any questions don’t be afraid to ask them, I’m always all ears for y’all!

♪ LET'S CELEBRATE THE BEGINNING OF 2024 ✨

[queenlakiefer]

YES

At the Santa Carla Boardwalk

Y/N: *pulls ChapStick out of pocket*

David: What flavor is that?

Y/N: *applying chapstick* Hm? Oh, it’s peach flavored.

David: Can I try it?

Y/N: *holds ChapStick out towards him*

David: *grabs Y/n's chin and kisses them*

David: *pulls away and licks his lips*

David: “You’re right. It does taste like peach’s.”

Y/N: *brain stops working*

David: *continues walking* “Keep up, Y/n, or else you’ll fall behind.”

[forthegothicheroine]

Kiefer Sutherland says that when playing David in The Lost Boys, he saw a pretty girl and tried to do a fancy motorcycle trick, then wiped out and broke his wrist, and the black gloves are to cover up a mini cast.

This is the most David thing I can possibly imagine.

[thaliawashere]

Preteen me fell in love with Donald Sutherland in 1981. My parents took me to see Eye of the Needle. Yeah, I know, I'm Gen X, my siblings are all Boomers. I was an old 12. Sutherland played Henry Faber, a ruthless Nazi spy. His piercing blue eyes and swoonworthy demeanor seduced the leading lady as well as everyone in the theater. The quintessential bad boy.

I would later read Ken Follett's novel on which the film was based. My imagination wouldn't allow any other visualization of Faber except for Donald Sutherland.

As a teenager my girlfriends had crushes on his son Kiefer. Not I. He was Donald lite. Give me that rakish grin and sardonic wit. There was no one like him in Hollywood. There never will be again. Godspeed, Donald.

[myveryownfanfiction]

Chapter 5

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

tags: @illiana-mystery, @iobsessoverfictionalmen

warnings: swearing, period accurate sexism and misogyny, bigotry

After taking me out cruising around Castle Rock, Ace had backed off slightly. I went back to work and Ace tried not to hang around all the time. I looked up from the register as Eyeball came into the shop.

"Hey." I said as he walked over. He smiled at me.

"Hey." Eyeball handed me a piece of paper. "Ace didn't think he'd be able to come in today." I noticed the second piece of paper tucked behind the first and looked at the top of it. In Ace's neat handwriting was his reason for not coming himself. He thought he'd blow my cover. I ducked my head to hide my smile as Eyeball chuckled. "Sent me with the list."

"That busy today huh?" I asked as Gary came out onto the floor. Eyeball wasn't a stranger to the shop, but Gary really only tolerated Ace. The other boys he seemed to have a vendetta against.

“yeah. I finished my car pretty quick so ace said to come get the shit we need.” Eyeball said, eyeing Gary who was skirting around the edge of the shop. “He said stop by the office for rent on your way to the apartment.” I nodded as I grabbed the stuff off the list. Ducking behind the counter, I folded up aces note and shoved it in my pocket. I grabbed a can of oil and slid it onto the counter.

“alright that’s all of it.” I said. “I can bring the paint that came in when I get off. I know those cars aren’t coming in until next week.” Eyeball nodded and handed over the money.

“see ya later (Y/B/N).” Eyeball said as he lugged everything out the door.

“I still can’t believe you live above that shop.” Gary said, standing at the window and watching eyeball head into the garage.

“It was cheap and clean.” I shrugged. “Ace isn’t a terrible landlord and our hours work out. By the time I’m here, they’re opening. When I’m going home, they’re closing. I can’t complain much about that.” Gary shook his head.

“guess not.” He shrugged. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Relax for a bit.” I shrugged.

“sure. Why not?” I joked. I went in back to grab the paint and boxed it up. “See ya tomorrow Gary.” I called as I walked through the shop.

“take the week off! Consider it a perk of employee of the month!” Gary called back. I laughed and waved over my shoulder. I headed over to the garage and nodded at the guys as I walked over to the office.

“ace!” I called, leaning against the door and looking over the shop.

“out back smoking!” Billy called back. “Remind me to cut your hair tomorrow. It’s getting a bit long!” I saluted him before heading out back.

“hey handsome.” I said, walking over to ace. He smirked at me as he leaned against the building. “Gary can see us so don’t do anything.”

“wouldn’t dream of it.” He said, smiling at me as I leaned against the wall next to him. “Get my note?”

“yeah but I didn’t read the whole thing.” I said. “Gary cut me once eyeball left. Gave me the rest of the week off.” Ace nodded.

“sounds nice.” He said. “Got any plans?” I shook my head.

“not unless you wanna head to the next town over…” I hinted. Ace smiled at me.

“Sounds like a plan.” Ace agreed. He put out his cigarette and we headed back in. “Thanks for bringing the paint over.” I nodded and ace sat down on the couch, ushering me over. I sat down next to him and he threw an arm over my shoulders. “Feels nice to just sit for a minute.”

“yeah it does.” I agreed. “Remind me to have Billy cut my hair tomorrow. He said it was getting long.” Ace nodded before leaning his head against mine.

“sounds good. We can head out before he does it.” Ace said. “I’ll talk to him.” We settled into a comfortable silence. Ace grabbed my legs and pulled them into his lap. I laughed and kissed him softly. “Been wanting to do that all day. It’s why I didn’t go over there.” I nodded and kissed him again. “Why don’t you read my note?” I pulled it out of my pocket and unfolded it.

“Or you could tell me what you said?” I bargained. Ace chuckled before nodded.

“Well first off, you look very nice today.” Ace said, kissing my cheek. “And I explained that I couldn’t go in today because I didn’t think I could stop myself. I don’t know how I’m holding back now.” Ace teased. I smiled at him and pulled him in for another kiss.

“you don’t need to anymore ace.” I whispered. “We’re in your office. In your garage. You can kiss me all you want.” Ace squeezed my waist as he kissed me deeply. He hummed as I cupped his cheeks.

“you need to shave soon.” I said as I pulled away. Ace laughed before running his hand over his jaw.

“probably.” He agreed. “Wouldn’t want to grow a beard.”

“I like the stubble. But a beard would be a bit much.” I agreed.

“hmmm.” Ace smirked at me. “That gives me an idea.”

“what idea?” I asked. Ace picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I laughed as I grabbed onto his shirt.

“you’ll see.” He laughed as he headed up to my apartment.

[ria-coolgirl]

Awesome work 🤩 @one-boring-person

Hey Stranger.

John "Ace" Merrill x reader

Warnings: vaguely bad language, mention of injury (very vague)

Context: This was requested by @theghostof-myndi , so here it is! The overview of the request is like this: Ace and the reader are childhood friends, though the reader moved away from Castle Rock at some point in the fifties (given that this is now set in the sixties). When the reader eventually moves back with her father, she and Ace resume their friendship as he shows her around again, the two of them getting along very well and basically flirting with each other (unfortunately I'm terrible at writing flirting so it's not particularly obvious in this) . The fathers of the two know that they like each other and work to get them together, given that they are also old friends.

A/N: There will most likely be a part two to this fic! I haven't quite gotten to what is probably the better part of the actual plot, but I will write it at some point soon with the help of @jawline-of-steel , whose help I have enlisted to help me with ideas.

Edited By: @jawline-of-steel

Masterlist

"Hey, Stranger, it's been a while." A familiar voice greets from behind me, the perpetually snarky tone unchanged and still as rough as it used to be.

Whirling around, I grin as I recognise the person standing behind me, my instincts taking over as I lunge forward and wrap him into a hug, pressing my face into his shoulder with happiness.

"Ace! It's been too long!" I exclaim, smiling broadly as he returns the embrace and crushes me into him, burying his face into my hair like he used to do.

"Yeah, where've you been these last few years? You've missed so much!" The blonde pulls away slightly to look down at me, his icy blue eyes regarding me carefully as I shrug.

"Eh, we've been near enough everywhere." I reply, moving so I can stand back, looking him over, "It's good to be back, though. You're gonna have to fill me in on what's different now."

"How about I show you around again? That way I can introduce you to all the new assholes that have joined the Cobras and show you what's changed in town." Ace offers, gesturing to his car, "The new look is great, by the way, doll."

I blush slightly at the old nickname, thanking him as I climb into his car, picking up the baseball bat that he has propped against the dashboard.

"You guys still go around knocking down mailboxes?" I ask, thinking back to all the times we used to do it as teens, back when none of us had any inhibitions and the only problems we had were trying to hold up a reputation in town.

"Yeah, but only when my ass of a dad isn't looking." He smirks, "Wanna play a bit now?"

"Game on, Blondie." I respond, taking the bar in hand as he climbs into the car and starts it up, pulling out of the parking lot we were in and onto the main road, where there are fewer cars than I remember, "Hey, what happened to everyone? I swear there were more people around?"

He nods, shrugging a little as he navigates the sparse traffic, chewing lightly on the toothpick in his mouth.

"There were, but most people moved away over time. Now nearly everyone that lives here is from the old families, and everything is basically family owned, too." He explains quickly, pointing out a small diner as we go past that has a flickering neon sign hanging outside it, the word unclear as we speed past.

"Oh." Is all I say, before I stand up in my seat, the bat ready in my hand as I line up with the next mailbox I can see. Gripping the bat with two hands, I swing hard at it as we approach, whooping loudly as the bat clangs against the metal, knocking it to the floor with a crash behind us. Knowing the rules of the game, I instantly get ready to strike again, managing to knock down a good eight before I miss one, only just tapping it as we go past.

"Aw, come on! You swerved on purpose!" I complain jokingly, pouting as I sit back down in my seat, "You want a go?"

"Sure, I'm gonna completely show you up!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Blondie." I lean over and take the wheel for him, steering the car as he stands up and starts batting down the mailboxes that are unfortunate enough to lie on our route.

Looking up at him, I smirk to myself and wait until we're close to another one, harshly jerking the car to the side before he can actually hit it, drawing a frustrated groan from the blonde standing over me. He swiftly returns to his seat, taking the wheel from me as we steer back into town.

"You totally cheated." He says decisively, looking across at me with his signature grin, to which I act mockingly offended.

"How could you even imply that? I would never!"

"Yeah right." Ace chuckles, shaking his head.

Laughing, I turn to look at the surroundings, remembering all of the more dilapidated shops and houses, alongside some of the larger, grander ones, which I've always enjoyed looking at. As we drive, we pass another parking lot, where a group of boys are standing around their cars, smoking and talking with one another, beer bottles held in hand as they laugh and joke about. Upon passing them; Ace calls out to them, waving at them genially as they do the same.

"Friends of yours?" I question him once we've passed, lifting an eyebrow at him.

"Not really. They're just members of the gang that I have to keep up appearances with. Their old men are pretty big around here." He clarifies, rolling his eyes at the reminder.

"Their old men? Since when do they make a difference?"

"Since they took over the Cobras. My old man is the leader, but they're still pretty important." 

"Oh. I guess my dad will be looking for a place in the group, too, then." I muse, rubbing my temples a little.

"Yeah, most likely." Ace frowns and looks over at me, "We gave you the mark, didn't we?" 

"Yeah, you did." I confirm, easily recalling the pain from the knife as it cut the cobra shape into my upper arm.

"That's good. It means you're already basically a part of the gang, so you'll fit right in."

"Like I wouldn't anyway." I chuckle, punching his arm playfully.

*

"You know, I reckon they'd make a great pair, those two." Ace's father comments to (Y/n)'s, gesturing with his beer to the two young adults as they talk with each other, sitting very closely and behaving as if no time had passed between them.

"Yeah, they would. I don't think (Y/n) ever really gave up on him." The other man responds, taking a sip from his own drink.

"John definitely didn't. He's shown no interest towards the other sex since you guys left, except of course to fuck someone, but that never really means anything to him."

"Likewise with (Y/n). She has never brought home another boy who has stayed any longer than a few days."

The two of them stay in silence for a minute, both starting to think up a plan that could help them bring together their children again.

"We've gotta figure something out. We owe it to them, and to ourselves." Ace's father eventually breaks the quiet, sighing deeply.

"Yeah we do." (Y/n)'s father thinks a moment longer, "You know, I think I've just had an idea."

"You have?" The older Merrill shoots a surprised look at his friend.

"I have." 

"Let's hear it then."

Grinning, the two men lean into each other, conspiring together as they used to back in their day.

[queenlakiefer]

Vape Shop (Lost boys imagine)

Author’s note: the inspiration for this imagine came from an actual shop in my hometown called ‘Vamp Vapes’ and so this the lost boys imagine was born 😂🤣

~~~~

Y/N: I need a vape, come on guys let’s go in here.

Edgar: Hold it! We can’t go in there!

Y/N: Why not?

Alan: It’s called ‘Vamp Vapes’, Y/N. Don’t you think that’s a bit suspicious?

Edgar nodded in agreement.

Y/N scoffs.

Y/N: Oh come on guys! Wouldn’t that be a bit too much of a give away?! What vampires are going to be stupid enough to open a shop and call it ‘Vamp Vapes’?

*Meanwhile*

Paul: We did it, bud! Our own vape shop!

Marko: Let the good times roll!

Author’s note: Me again. Yeah, David and Dwayne are clearly the brains of the lost boys; no offence to Marko and Paul (We all love you 🥰❤️)

[hypocriticaltypwriter]

One of my fav things to imagine is like- actually putting me myself into my self insert shoes. Like I'm the actor for said character. And I just love the thought of my S/I [or me myself] acting in Stand By Me with Kiefer Sutherland THEN being in The Lost Boys with him like were just that close that we'd be known for being super close and really good co-actors and

[greensparty]

Remembering Donald Sutherland 1935-2024

Actor Donald Sutherland has died at 88. Of the 200 acting credits he had on IMDB, he appeared in some of my favorites: The Kentucky Fried Movie (a brief cameo as a waiter), National Lampoon's Animal House (as Prof. Jennings), JFK (as Mr. X - what a scene he has on the park bench!), and the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer (as Merrick, Buffy's watcher at the time).

Kevin Costner and Sutherland in JFK

Kristy Swanson and Sutherland in Buffy

Other notable performances included Robert Altman's M*A*S*H, Paul Mazursky's Alex in Wonderland, Ordinary People (how he wasn't nominated for an Academy Award for this is beyond me), Backdraft, A Time to Kill, Panic, Cold Mountain, Reign Over Me, and The Hunger Games movies.

He had 5 children including actor Kiefer Sutherland.

The link above is the obit from Indiewire.

[queenlakiefer]

Watched this for the first time the other night and loved it! 😍 David is definitely my favourite but I also think Edgar is cute too ❤️

All the characters are great but I think David on Lost Boys is my favorite

[crowlixcx]

For the brainrot series - as though you don't have enough requests, but I heard this song again today and the resulting assault on my imagination has irrevocably damaged my sanity, and I had to say something because I will not be suffering alone.

Okay, so, picture this:

Crowley is tired of the way things have been weird in this vague post-S3 world I'm picturing, and he's decided he's gonna Do Something About It (mostly because he's already about 'if I'm not a bush I'm not no one' levels of drunk). Naturally, he decides that what he's gonna do is woo his angel.

Easy enough. Humans do this shit all the time, and without the benefit of 6000 years of mutual pining and some slinky hips. In fact, thanks to his extensive knowledge of romcoms (a must for any demon if they want to learn inventive ways to sow discord among couple, etc, and for no other reason), he's decided that the perfect course of action is to serenade Aziraphale with a song that perfectly encapsulates his squishy, kind of embarrassingly soft feelings that the angel just has to give in and accept his expertly plighted troth (probably not a euphemism).

He is, at this point, at the 'I'm washing me and my clothes' stage of his drinking binge, but he's nervous, so sue him.

It takes him foreeeeever to pick a song (he only knows "bebop" won't do, but unfortunately that covers such a wide and sometimes contradictory swath of all music made since the 1940s, it's pretty impossible), and he keeps second guessing himself, so he makes it to the 'Kiefer Sutherland tackling a Christmas tree' stage of blitzed and hits shuffle on his 'Embarrassing Angelfeels I Can Never Admit To Even Under Pain Of Total Annihilation' Spotify playlist et VOILA! The perfect song! Crowley can't believe his luck, and he sets his plan into motion before he can do something stupid, like sober up.

So, it's about 3 in the morning at this point, and Crowley has set up his speaker system in the middle of the street facing Aziraphale's bookshop, and as you do, he climbs onto a stolen crate (containing an order of dildos the adult entertainment shop three streets over is going to be looking for in about five hours) and shouts for Aziraphale until the angel, and anyone else unfortunate enough to be hanging around at 3am on a Wednesday (mostly Mrs. Sandwich and her girls and poor Nina, who has unwisely chosen to arrive extra early to wait on a delivery of hazelnut syrup), pops their heads out to see what the deuce is going on.

Once he sees his darling angel, Crowley takes another swig of frankly embarrassingly cheap vodka for a demon of his tastes, hefts hus microphone, and starts to sing (for a given value of sing).

It starts off soft, all chimes and romantic piano, full of joy and longing, and Aziraphale's face does that thing where he's definitely embarrassed, but also pleased, so Crowley shuts his eyes, and that's when the disco beat drops.

Oh yes. Crowley is about to fucking boogie down for the love of his life.

He busts out all the moves, wiggling those slinky hips (because he's never been one not to use every weapon at his disposal), belting out mostly the right lyrics in somewhat the right key, generally on time and everything.

Aziraphale's face, if Crowley would open his eyes and look, is now crossing over into horrified, yet hopelessly enamored, with a dash of down bad. His tastes are varied and interesting, okay?

The music fades out before Crowley does, still belting for a good thirty seconds after the track changes to 'The Edge of Glory', which isn't as perfect for his purposes, but Aziraphale hasn't fallen to his knees in besotted supplication (also not a euphemism, probably), so Crowley figures he may as well, and the whole street is both glad and a little disappointed that this is when Aziraphale steps away from the shop door, reaches up for Crowley's hand, and drags him off the box of dildos and towards the shop.

"That's lovely, dear. Why don't we go inside so you can sleep this off before we talk about it."

Crowley, of course, follows along happily, about 80% sure that is a euphemism, and decides send a little blessing to Barbra Streisand in gratitude. He knew 'The Main Event/Fight' had been the right song to choose.

(It was not, in fact, a euphemism, and Crowley thinks the squirming agony of having to listen to Aziraphale somehow turn a love confession into a lecture about proper methods of courtship and being considerate of human sleep cycles while suffering the worst hangover of his entire existence is possibly the best worst thing he's ever experienced. Hell should take notes.)

(They spend the rest of the day getting to know each other, and that is a euphemism.)

Now.

Did I fail to peel this mental image off the surface of my brain for the last 24 hours and decide to share the agony and the ecstasy of it? Oh yes.

Is it the perfect song to confess your love to your ineffable crush with? Debatable, but it has good results of one (1) success and no failures so far, so we can't really say no.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

The level of detail in this is unmatched. The creativity? Inspired. When I started th brainrot series never did I think I would receive something of this gravitas. Bravo my dear, I'm in the palm of your hand. And the specificity of the playlist turning to Edge Of Glory? Delicious. This is truly, marvellously unhinged. God bless the Babs and to you for the gift you have bestowed upon me. I will treat it with love and care.

[issacharmastersdp18]

Donald Sutherland’s book was set to be released today, but was quietly rescheduled to be released February 3rd, 2026.

Why?

Well, the article I just read suggests it’s because he got “too candid” about his sexual relationships.

I read an article from earlier this year that Kiefer and the family had not yet read the book because Donald was still editing it three days before his passing.

I’ve seen nothing thus far of the family commenting on this news.

Frankly, it should come as no surprise that he would be so open on the page.

He was a reasonably private man, but not terribly shy about his past. He also notoriously spoke “in paragraphs,” which was amplified in his letter writing.

If anything, this feels like an attempt to stifle some of his last words.

Something which I feel is INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL to his memory.

Donald was larger than life and you can’t just water down his life because it MIGHT not be appropriate for all audiences.

Donald was someone who kept little to himself if he got comfortable around you. There’s a rather nice interview from Playboy that illustrates this perfectly. (It includes mentions of the first time he masturbated, the first time he kissed a girl, and the thing he regretted most about his life up until that point was that he hadn’t had more sex, just to give you a clue)

The man was open to notes, but I can guarantee they’ll be pulling far more information from it than he would approve.

And the article had the AUDACITY to suggest his openness in the book was due to his being ill (in whatever way he was ill).

There’s article upon article with snippets of stories about his sex life, and that’s just the ones approved for the general public who would be reading those magazines.

The man’s life, even when not behind closed doors, was hardly PG.

An interaction with one of the stars of “Die! Die! My Darling!” (Not while working on that particular project, if I recall correctly), working with Federico Fellini, a rather uncomfortably intimate, heavily choreographed “sex” scene expertly edited by Nic Roeg to trick the brain into seeing what isn’t actually there, Donald’s bare ass being shown as a joke for the rushes that ultimately made it to theatrical release of Animal House.

His wife is French Canadian. When they met, he didn’t speak French and she didn’t speak English. Naturally, their early on communication methods were largely physical.

(And based of what was allowed to print in magazines over the years, I can imagine just how much more “candid” this candidness may have gotten, so I am not saying any of this lightly or solely out of anger. I do have a working understanding of the kind of things they are alluding to him having written)

Listen…

I am ace spec.

I am not the most comfortable hearing or reading about other people (real or fictional) and the ways in which they choose to be intimate with each other.

So believe me when I say: I DO NOT CARE HOW “CANDID” HE GOT. LET US READ THE DAMN THING.

If censorship insists on continuing, those of us who preordered the book should at least be given the option of receiving the book with or without the censorship.

We should not all be required to wait another 15 months just because some editor got all hot and bothered with their panties in a twist.

These people do not know with whom they are fucking.

Donald Sutherland’s vengeful ghost is not something anyone would willingly sign up to deal with.

I guaran-fucking-tee the man has been hanging around this whole time.

Donald, by all accounts, was one of the sweetest people to ever live.

That said, an angry Donald Sutherland is one of the scariest things you will ever see.