#kick flips and stuff
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not long after i followed you it inspired me to revive my dead fic blog with only one post because i deleted my last one (worst mistake of my life cause now those fics are gone to the void and ive got no idea which google docs account the originals are on) even though i dont really follow along with the bnha series anymore loll, but your writing reignited the spark for my bakugou love and i get the fic itch every so often so i just wanted to thank you for that because i had been in a no writing slog even for nonfic related things and its so nice to be writing again even if i dont think its good! its just fun and i dont worry about reblogs or likes or anything just that i had fun while writing it! its so disheartening that usually the older you get the more you stop caring about having fun and making things good or technically right which causes you not to write even though thats how you get better. so yeah thank you for reigniting my spark!
oh, friend 🥺 this message is so special to me because — i was very much in a stage like you had been ! in a no-writing slog ! and it can feel so terrible, to want to do this creative thing and have no energy or motivation to do it, to find no reason in it 🥺 i know so intimately what that feels like 🥺 and it was thanks to some wonderful writers here and this beautiful community that i found the spark to write again, too !! and so to think back on that rough time in my life and remember how it felt to find this lil bubble of ours — it means so much to me that you would associate me with helping you through that 🥺✨ what a gift !!!!
i'm so glad you're writing again and i'm so glad you're writing for YOU !!! for the fun and love of it !! i'm so happy to hear you say that !!!!! 🥺 it is so easy to get wrapped up in the numbers game here, and if you can keep yourself from it, i genuinely, genuinely urge you to do so as long as you can LOL bc you're so right !! in order to feel like your ability has approved, you have to keep at it, and it's so heartbreaking to see some of us walk away because we're disenchanted 🥺
and you bring up such a good point and i've had this discussion with my irl's many times because i hate to see the people around me that have abandoned their creativity because they "grew up" !! they left it behind because they thought they had to or they didn't dedicate the time to it !! i made the promise to myself in my early-twenties that i would never be that person and — here we are LOL
you're so sweet friend 🥺 my heart is so warm at this message 🥺 here is to all the writing that will come from your big brain that will only feed your happiness ! ✨
#cheering you on so loudly#jumping around doing cartwheels#kick flips and stuff#or is that just a move on a skateboard idk but !! you get the idea !!#kissing your cheeks i am holding you safely in my heart#✿ ask willow
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underappreciated Nico detail that I like - he seems to be an angry crier! very frequently he's angry when he cries and he cries when he's extremely angry. very AuDHD of him. emotional regulation sucks my guy and he's just going through it.
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#also fun to think about Nico getting pissed off and then getting even more pissed off that he's turning into a bawling mess#or Nico getting sad/upset and the rage just flips on so he's sniffling and crying and cussing under his breath while kicking stuff#i mean how many times has nico had a moment of someone trying to comfort him and his reaction like 90% of the time is ''fuck off''#nico thinking about his trauma: [through tears] i need to go kill something right now or i'll explode#nico working on processing emotions character arc except instead of him stopping being an angry crier#it just turns into his friends holding a pillow for him to beat the shit out of until he works the energy out#shoutout to the cupid scene in particular as one of my favorite examples of this#just cause i love Nico having a breakdown and Jason watching it like ''uh oh. i think Bad Things Will Happen if he *actually* starts crying#other favorite example is TTC. Nico being so upset he creates a rift in the ground and tells Percy to die#nico is not uwu sad boy soft baby kitten tears crier#he is yelling things that would get him cancelled on the internet while snotty and bawling#he is insulting and threatening everyone in a 10ft radius
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realized i painted half the environments on the first pages of chapter two in the wrong color and it kinda deflated the determination i had to push myself to get the first comic update out asap :/
#ganondoodles talks#i am so good at digging my own graves of creative failure#i can probably play with color correction but its not gonna look organic#idk i can always see that a thing wasnt painting that way in the first place bc it just doesnt fit right#(havent been able to work on anything for the past few days bc my lil brother was here and i just wanted to spend time with him)#(dont see him very often :( played the new mario party together until i couldnt stay awake anymore lol)#i am extremely caught between writing totk rant and concept art for the rewrite and ... comic stuff#i feel like the longer i dont get either done the less its gonna be worth it#and i keep flip flopping back and forth (and with depression artblock kicking my ass too) without getting anywhere#im guessing its gonna go on for so long it will either be far too little relevant anymore or my brain loses its fixation on it#i dont want it all to be yet another ambitious and forever unfinished project ...............#but i cant ever finish anything so i supposed my worry and struggle with all that is in vain anyway
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dp fanfic ideas are getting to me again goddammit
#so like a typical giw facilities type thing with enclourses and all#but the ghosts keep escaping and so they commission the dr. fentons to make a weapon that calms ghosts#like an anathesia#BUT its the fentons so it doesnt work that way it actually just switches the fear of the ghost into what it wants. desires (NOT OBSESSION)#but what is the fear of the ghost in the moment? being stuck with the giw. so they calm down and let the giw take them and keep them#<- which makes it LOOK like its behaving as it should#so they use it more and more and the giw mass ghost kidnappings are becoming widespread- now successful#so set the scene. phantom teams up with some rouges and co to break some ghosties out#it works but the giw are hot on their trail and phantom-being a fenton-sacerfices himself for the team and is used as a distraction#(so the others get away)#BUT he doesnt fear being taken by them. fuckin hero complex kicking in and all#which means that when they use the gun. he isnt complict. at all#because whats his greatest fear? becoming a monster. and so. it flips. to what he wants.#and uhm. the giw arent there anymore#BUT as said before his obsession wasnt overidden so he cant hurt civilians and stuff#(his core rationalized the giw being a threat to peace and others safety so it uh. made an exception.)#but while he was taking them down he got shot again by the weapon. (a fruitless attempt really)#and uh. is being a monster is his (former) worst fear. pray tell what is the runner up to that?#people thinking hes a monster.#and yknow. he may not be able to harm innocents and good people#but he CAN pretend. really fucking well#and uh. yeah :) thats all i got and also some reactions by team phantom on it#<- some of the escapees and the rescuer ghosts saw the start of what happened to phantom while they ran#and considering the fact that they havent seen danny in a week? kinda concerning#(he swears he isnt avoiding them he just needs the time to set up he SWEARS-) meanwhile. hes lying to himself#someones priorities and mentalities switching doesnt necessarily change their morals or tolerances. just saying :)#yeah okay thats all i ACTUALLY got#really busy and will be busy and very tired rn so nothing may come of this#fanfictionfuckeries#<- starting a tag for this typa shit? more likely than ya think :)
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Bioware made a mistake bringing Isabela back for da4 because like hell she wouldn't tell the entire da2 crew about what's happening with Solas which means they'd all show up ready to curb stomp him about Varric. Even moreso if hawke was left in the fade. That's two of their number down because of this fucker. Also Merrill should get to deck him specifically while also being like "what, like it's hard?" about fixing the eluvian that was blighted and cost her two of her closest childhood friends (potentially), her place in her clan, and her home. Again, going back far enough, because of him.
I just miss them 🥺
#dragon age#da4 spoilers#i say this as someone who likes solas too but like...my dude ..no#i just want the da2 crew back together and if that means i dig out my old game and ancient fanfics to refresh my brain about them#then so be it#but seriously merrill should have been in this one. she deserves to flip off the 'gods'#do i want to write foc for my rook? yes. but i also want to write about my hawke and crew during this whole mess xD#which means rook can be like damn isabela why'd they let you have TWO spirit healer friends and i don't get a dedicated healer at all :(#and hawke can give sage advice for dealing with a husband possessed by a spirit.#that's only slightly salty justice took so long to think ok maybe she's not *that* bad when spite's like JUST KISS ALREADY about rookanis xD#imagine if anders was at weishaupt though. or in lavendel in the aftermath. he could help teach flynn healing. they could save more people#and fenris could and would kick venatori ass. and merrill would know so much about ancient elven stuff. where are they?!!#also the game says the blight ran over the freemarches but uh...bioware nevarra is sort of part of those.....#you're telling me nevarra just got more hauntings than normal but the freemarches got wiped off the map? make it make sense#i have thoughts and opinions but i did genuinely enjoy da4 so i am saying this mostly affectionately
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THE ORDER OF PALMS An order of holy folk that serve The Helm, working to create powerful Aasimar Paladins for the purpose of protecting any who hire their help. [BACKSTORY UNDER CUT]
One day, Gjör and her peers were lead by their mentor Opheria, to a mission far from their home. On the peak of that mountain village, they saw upon the horizon, the castle of their home go up in flames. Horrified and scared, the apprentices sought to follow their mentors guidance, and followed her lead into a small barn. It was there, that Opheria proceeded to slaughter each and everyone of the apprentices. It seemed she somehow had a hand in this sudden attack on the Order of Palms. Gjör D'annevual survived a sword through the 'heart', on account of a rare condition, that places her heart on the other side of her chest. When she finally managed to bring herself back home, the Order was insulted by her survival. She had so many better peers, why couldn't any of them have survived? This runt was seriously the only thing that survived Opherias wrath? It was better to just wash their hands clean of this. Thus the Order decided to banish Gjör from their ranks. She now travels the land in search of a purpose.
#luckys original content#dungeons and dragons#MY OCSSSS MY WONDERFUL OCSSS ITS BEEN SO LONGGGG!!this is a fairly old character that i made foreeeever ago#i was trying to go full on into DND LORE ONLY instead of makin up my own stuff. so when i was lookin around i learned abt THE HELM#the god of protection or watever it was. i also like playing paladin bc i love to hit things w my sword. i also like aasimars bc theyrprett#im sure i ahd other Min Maxy reasons for her but i dont have her sheet n ive forgotten everything. never got a chance to play her but yknow#maybe someday. I LIKE HER ALOT TOO. big and strong and well meaning but a lil dumb. justa lil dense n stupid. but she tries!!#I LIKE CHARACTERS THAT HAVE JUST SMALL THINGS DIFERENT ABT THEM. i knew some1 who had that condition. where everythings just flipped#aint that fucked up? that ur organs can just be flipped? and inever see it in fiction. its so neat. imagine finding out like THIS too#she had blacked out from the sword through the heart. the last thing she heard from her mentor was;#'you were a great student. that is why you above all else must die. i hope you understand' spoken through a gentle voice and a gentle smile#the very same that had guided Gjör so far through her journey.A BETRAYAL LIKE NO OTHER! she awoke utop a pile of comrades#each bloodied and dead and cold. she used her own magic to heal herself. to catch herself from the precipice of bleeding out#when she stepped out of the barn she had found that the village was burned to the ground#she was shellshocked!! it took her weeks to limp all the way back down that mountain. all the way back to the place she called home#only to be spit on and kicked back out. being a Paladin of the Palms was her entire life. what was she to do now?#OH SO THE ART. I RLY LIKE HER DESIGN.heavily based off of THE BABY SITTER from HALO LEGENDS. i fuckin love halo so much guys.....#i just love that trope of Big Strong Person in Armor that we all thought wasa fullgrown MAN takes off the helmet to revel shesa PRETTY GIRL#my favorite in the WORLD!! i also like the silly frilly pretty dress sorta motif in gjors armor. it hides all the stuff i dont wanna draw#thats all the ramble i got in me for now. PLEASE ENJOY. and ask me abt my ocs
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you really do not appreciate punk's sells unless you watch 90% other matches with people who just Can't Do That
#ive been watching some stuff man and punk rlly is just THAT good#also i didnt realize how unique his standing high kicks were?#anyways who does it like him#unfortunately i am now prissy about selling bc some people overdo it too#[holds up punk] no no. exactly this slutty. thats the gold standard ok#sick flips and stiff chops rule but can u writhe like a sexy worm? didnt think so#plappermaul
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oh of course izaya is an oscar wilde fan. he would definitely use this as his bio for his private discord/twitter account
pulls out the importance of being earnest and the picture of dorian gray. time to analyze these from the psychological/literary perspective of izaya lets go baby (he has his own category)
edit check tags and rbs for some actual analysis stuff lmAOo
#izaya orihara#as a lit student and psych student izaya is literally ticking all of my boxes rn#bruh imagine if i made a dorian gray!izaya au. fucking imagine#every time he does something particularly sus he comes home and his image gets older and uglier#it fits too because izaya is like. young adult man. seducer of women. there's absolutely a theme of eternal youth in there#he wants to be young forever so that he can continue flipping through the streets and keep his mind sharp and keep being an informant#he never wants to gain enough wisdom to think 'man this sounds like a bad idea' or 'i'd be better off staying out of this'#im not sure how i would end the au though pff knowing me id just make it shizaya and have either a happy ending or stupidly tragic ending#happy ending: izaya grows a few braincells and starts to find contentment in growth rather than the thrill of stasis#tragic ending (spoilers for dorian gray. whoops): izaya goes insane from seeing his portrait so marred and stabs it and dies#good ending could be ketsu compliant and the picture reverts back to normal after he undergoes the Royal Ass-kicking#hm. ill workshop this more#meanwhile the whole thing with Earnest and the multiple names and stuff sounds like something izaya would to fuck with people#which would just be funny#plus the gay jokes are peak izaya#durarara#starts reading all of oscar wilde's works so i can write more entertaining izaya fanfiction#thats just how it goes babyyyy
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Wake up honey neuer körde brief ist gedroppedl
#Wurde leider noch nicht transkripiert#Versuche ich vielleicht zuhause zu lesen#Ahh ich will wissen wss da steht#johann wilhelm ludwig gleim#german stuff#deutsches zeug#18th century#Bzw 19th century#Friedrich Heinrich Wilhelm Körte#Kördde halt#der coole#mit der energy dosen sammlung#der mit den kick flips
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idk how i feel about 2012 tmnt because I love it don’t get me wrong but……eh
somethings just coudve been done better
the characters definitely coudve been done better
the relationships……..yea
what I will say tho is
characters
2012 April isn’t bad but she’s so much and so little of a character that she just comes off bland
Donnie…..honestly he’s not bad but the crush definitely ruins him a bit
raph I don’t hate at all and if you do……..you clearly don’t understand people with anger problems
Mikey is an idiot and pretty gullible sometimes and honestly I’m upset they didn’t try and help or at least teach him better cause wtf
Leo is babygirl prove me wrong
Casey……eh in my opinion he’s just bland most of the time
karai is a dumb b-tch with massive issues that just make her come off as a d-ck prove me wrong
karai lesbian confirmed?
splinter is alright do I think he could’ve been better in the teacher and dad department yes do I think he did well for his situation and circumstances yes does that make up for his sh-tty character handlement……no.
the relationships…..loooord these bastards…..here we go
the implied ship material in the show ruined the way people saw leo and karai’s relationship and I am so mad
again I hate love triangles and this f-cking thing (April x Donnie vs April x Casey)is so annoying f-ck off no one cares anymore pls just move on good god you ruin whatever character you have for a love triangle you won’t let die Jesus Christ
raph and Mona are the only saving grace when it comes to actual canon ships in this show prove me wrong I dare you they are adorable
#my stuffy stuff#tmnt 2012#rant#no I’m not sorry#if I wanna rant about a show I haven’t seen in years I will#disagree if you will but this is how I feel#raph gets to much hate in show and out and I’m mad about it cause wtf was that one episode in season one I think#Mikey is jsut childish which isn’t a bad thing but when that’s all your character is besides stupid most of the time#it paints a certain picture#Donnie honestly gets looked over so much because of his crush and I’m mad…..but it does destroy his character and I wish his crush didn’t#exist plural but whatever#Leo is mom and babygirl and I am again mad at the hate he gets in show and out cause again……wtf#karai……is karai….#April is bland…like she’s got so many problems yet so little screentime or so little problems and so much screentime either way it feels#wasted#Casey……is Casey kinda weird kinda creepy kinda sleezy and kinda bland…….that’s all the only time I liked him was in the one farm episode#not sorry#splinter has so much angst so much problem yet so little time to process or get closure for it and he honestly just flip flops#from being useful and kicking -ss to doing absuloutly nothing about anything#it’s like the writers couldn’t decide what to do with him#so he just becomes a filler in the end which sucks cause he’s great#can I also say the whole aprils friend is secretly a kraang droid was so f-cking stupid…..like what?#anyways
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My hot take is jj k is worse Naruto w the serial numbers filed off, not better
#it’s ok but 1 Naruto got criticism for having too few kick ass female charcaters and literally the only badass is Meimei. one. 1. bootleg#Sakura just gets her shit wrecked and isn’t close to on par with the boys & bootleg Hinata isn’t even a sorcerer. like they’re fine#charcaters but power wise it’s all men. 2 it doesn’t stick to Shonen trope standards but in an annoying wya not cool ie too many character#deaths don’t further the plot or charcater growth or regression significantly. it’s less meaningful and satisfying. the fights slap though#gotta give them that.#3 the stupid narrator going ‘but he didn’t aim for Fujisaki’ to explain stuff you can already see happening is a terrible choice#4 their villains they’re trying to get you invested in are usually such gross serial killers there’s some real dissonance there in the#narrative structure when it gets to how /fast/ they try to work a flip like you won’t have had time to forget the 18 teenagers head#explosions yet rip. 5 the whole sorcerer vs humans thing isn’t well executed and it’s not like it can’t be I’ve been an X-Men fan since I#was 10 you can make the superheroes the minority and work w it but this ain’t well managed on the politics except inter-sorcerer politics
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so ur at the party right and there’s this girl in the corner with another girl on a leash with the puppy ears on standard stuff and u start talking to her and she introduces the girl on the leash and says “this is my little puppy, Emily. say hi Emily” and the leash girl does a little bark at u and u say “oh that’s nice” and ur looking for a way to avoid the awkward silence during a 4 second period that feels like a half hour so u ask “does she know any tricks?” so the girl says “come on girl, show ‘em” and the puppy girl gets up pulls out a skateboard and starts doing the sickest kick flips u ever saw
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There needs to be a way of describing 'the next four months' that doesn't sound like a business meeting, if someone in earnest said 'Q1' to me outside of work stuff I'd slowly back out, walk away and then probably spontaneously combust in flames five minutes later
#but with e.g. album release cycles n stuff sometimes you do want to say 'the first four months of the year'#bc when folks are releasing albums in that period and planning to go on tour and such; they're also thinking about the fact#that summer music festivals start right around end of April#it does depend on where you are of course but often musicians will travel for festivals so they keep it in mind#European summer fests do kick off between April and June lasting until ~October#US and Canada are more July to September#Indian music fest season is December to March bc we nearly killed the last white boy who decided to try and do an outdoor summer show here#let's say 34C + spotlights doesn't go well... also it was like Bieber or some popstar and it was in July.#JULY. GIRL. You were not made for that#(obv this has me worried for Lollapalooza this year bc it's in MARCH. For context March-May are 41C; they're not making it)#and obv southern hemisphere the whole thing is flipped seasonally -- but back to 'first four months of the year'#'1st 4 months' folks are thinking about like having singles out in time for people to know the words at festivals if they're big enough#for smaller artists it's less about having singalongs and more so that they want their most impressive work to be ready to showcase#to a crowd that mostly doesn't know them but might leave as new fans. With how much money artists lose doing festivals#this is one of the main reasons new artists still do it (the ol' 'exposure' stick returns to beat us all)#also 'first 4 months' artists are sometimes aiming for the eligibility period for awards like the Polaris; Mercuries; Choice Prize etc.#and i do Not want to call these 'Q1' artists; I'll kill someone first
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s2!rafe x maybank!reader where she’s the little sister of jj & they end up fucking in a bathroom at a kook party. the pogues catch them & rafe is not even trying to denie it cause that was the best pussy he ever had🤭🎀
bathroom
rafe cameron
you and your brothers friends stumble into the kind of fancy party you know you don’t belong at. do you care? not even for a second.
everyone scatters in different directions, john b. looking way too sharp in a black suit, sarah looking nice as well locked into a heated argument with kelce, pope heading straight for the drinks, and your brother jj, with kiara heading for the beer pong table, ready to dominate.
youu on the other hand, pull down your black tight dress so your boobs softly spill out, revealing more cleavage. your head turns to the sound of toppers laugh. you see rafe, a smirk planted on his sexy face. he’s wearing an all black suit, he chuckles as he removes his suit jacket, placing it on the chair next to him. you’d be lying if if it didn’t make your panties wet.
“hey rafe,” you step in between him and topper. topper gets the message and steps away sending rafe a wink. “hey baby,” he murmurs placing his hands on your hips. “where’s your brother?” he asks pulling you in so you’re pressed against him. you glance up at him considering he’s towering over you. “playing beer pong.” you smirk knowing that the beer pong table is far from where you and rafe stand. he leans down softly connecting your lips. the kiss is needy and wet. your hand moves to behind his neck, tugging at his hair. he groans into your mouth muttering, “jump.” as his hands slide behind your thighs. you jump up, your legs wrapping around his waist. he removes his lips from yours as he quickly walks you two over to the bathroom.
once you reach your destination, race places you on the counter, flicking on the warm lights. you tug his tie aggressively reconnecting your lips. his lips are soft and warm, the kiss full of need, considering you two hadn’t had sex in weeks due to your brother being around. “fuck, missed you so much baby.” he groans against your lips. you whimper into his lips as you feel his hardness press against your core. “need you so bad rafey,” you cry out.
he traces his lips down your neck surely leaving marks. his lips then make there way to your cleavage. you squirm under his touch. rafe then moves to where you need him the most, his head moving slightly under your dress. you hear him suck in a breath as he makes eye contact with your core. “all for me?” he asks, pressing his thumb against the material of your drenched black thong. “yes rafe! please, i need you” he smirks placing a soft kiss over your panties, you whimper softly. his fingers hook around your underwear pulling them down. he stuffs them into his suit pocket. “such a pretty pussy,” he compliments making you moan, feeling your arousal cover your thighs.
rafe comes back up to your face placing a kiss on your lips. you smile leaning in to kiss hos neck. your hands trace down to undo his tie and shirt. your lips come back up to his lips, ghosting your hands over his bulge, he moans into your mouth. you then undo the button and zipper of his pants. he then lifts you up flipping you over so you can see the both of you in the mirror. he then pulls down his pants kicking them off his feet leaving him in only his boxers. he unzips the back of your dress and pulling it down leaving you in your matching black lace bra. rafe groans, quickly pulling down his calvin klein boxers, his hard length slapping against his stomach. “ready baby?” he smirks, gripping your hips tightly. you nod aggressively, he chuckles. he slides his cock in between your lips before pushing himself into you. “rafe!” you gasp. he then starts thrusting into you. his length is the perfect size, hitting the spot inside you perfectly with every thrust. he groans behind you “so tight baby, i missed this pussy so much” his grip on your hips growing even tighter being sure to leave a bruise tomorrow. you moan loudly looking at his face of pleasure in the mirror in front of you. he kisses the crown of your head thrusting faster into you,“cum rafe!” you warn, barely able to form a sentence. “me too sweetheart.” he groans. the knot in your stomach then snaps, covering rafes dick in your cum. you then feel him spill deep inside of you.
he pulls out of you softly flipping you over. “you okay baby?” he asks his, eyes full of concern. “never better,” you smile. he places a soft kiss on your lips, rafe smiles back at you, pulling up his boxers and pants. he then picks up your dress off the floor, helping you put it back on.
you both jump at the sound of pounding on the bathroom door as rafe zips your dress. “the fuck do you want,” rafe yells placing a kiss on your cheek. he swings open the door, still shirtless. “rafe cameron you bastard!” you hear the voice of your brother jj. “jayj! calm down.” you interfere. but jj doesn’t care he continues screaming. “baby go find kie, i’ll deal with him.” he offers you a smile. you give him an are you sure? look, he nods.
a punch is then thrown at rafe,
“worth it.”
thank you so much for reading!! leave more requests!!
#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x you#drew starkey fluff#drew starkey smut#drew starkey#rafe obx#obx smut#obx season 4#rafe cameron x reader#rafe outer banks#rafe smut#rafe x reader#rafe cameron#outerbanks rafe#rafe fanfiction
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I’m a struggler XD
#Ghost Ambassador plays Challange road on Puper Sario Marty and it goes VERY wrong XD#Super Mario Party#I wanna unlock Pom Pom!! but#I wish my character was in the game XD#I love imaging what her animations for stuff would be#Or well…me!!#I can and WILL flip to the ground when I lose and kick my legs…and cry#Also I like to imagine in puzzle mini games I’d wear comically large heart shaped glasses…with no lenses
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here with me | s.r.
four times Spencer feels out of place in your house after being released from prison, and one time it's like he never left
margotober masterlist
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff content warnings: mom!reader, dad!spencer, post prison, crying, stephen walker's death, non-specified illness, baking, kissing word count: 3.58k a/n: i love this fic format i have been wanting to do it for ages. and here we are. as always-tell me how you feeeeeeeel
“I wanna stay home,” your daughter whined from her place at the kitchen table. She periodically reached to her sister’s high chair so that she could steal blueberries from her plate.
You hummed, pouring the egg mixture into the preheated skillet, “We played hooky yesterday, bub. We’ve gotta go back to school today.” Using a silicone spatula, you started to scramble the eggs.
She grumbled unintelligibly, dramatically sliding down the chair, “Livvy gets to stay home.”
Turning down the heat on the stove, you went around the counter and crouched in front of your five-year-old, “Well, Livvy’s two, and before you ask, Finn’s not going to school either.”
“Finn’s a baby, mom. He can’t go to school,” she told you proudly.
You frowned at your daughter, “It’s hard to be the oldest, honey. We can’t keep staying home.” Ruffling her hair affectionately, you get up from the floor and go back to the stove, you continue scrambling the eggs.
To your eldest, going back to kindergarten was a fate worse than death. It wasn’t strictly that she didn’t want to go to school, it was that she didn’t want to leave home. The sniffle from the table lets you know that this morning was going to be harder than you initially anticipated. “I wanna stay with daddy,” she cried, kicking her legs at the table.
Turning off the heat, you set the pan on a trivet before going back to the table, “I know,” you responded. Every time you thought you had run out of tears, new ones managed to find their way out.
Of your three kids, Eleanor was old enough to really feel Spencer’s absence. To your dismay, she ended up bearing some of the burden of her father being gone for three months. After staying with your parents for a few days, she was finally reunited with her dad yesterday morning, and they had been nearly inseparable since.
“Oh, Nell,” you sighed, cupping her cheeks in your hands, “I don’t know if daddy has plans today. He has a lot of stuff that needs to be done.
Pulling away from your touch, she frantically wiped the tears from her eyes, “I can do stuff too,” she whimpered.
She unwound your resolve like a ball of yarn, “I know you can, honey. I just…” you faltered. You had let her miss so much school over the last three months that the school had sent letters home, “We’ll just have to see.”
You sighed helplessly, standing back up and smiling softly at Olivia, who had successfully gotten blueberry juice everywhere. Returning to the kitchen, you put some scrambled eggs on Eleanor’s plate and put more in a bowl for Olivia, setting it aside to cool more before you give it to your toddler.
Putting the pan in the sink, you flipped on the tap before starting to clean it. While you kept a watchful eye on the baby monitor, you didn’t notice Spencer come downstairs and walk into the kitchen. In fact, you were completely unaware of his presence until he spoke, “Can I help with anything?”
You lost your grip on the pan, sending soapy water flying all over the kitchen as you frantically tried to catch the handle. Eleanor either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Olivia thought it was hilarious. “Oh,” you breathed as Spencer reached over and turned off the water, “You scared me.”
The two of you shared a timid glance, his hand ghosting over your waist as he walked past you to where the girls were sitting.
Biting the dead skin off of your lips, you finished rinsing the pan before setting it on a drying mat. You were wiping down the countertop when Finn finally woke up, and you dropped everything to go get him from his crib, almost like you were running on autopilot.
Unzip the sleep sack. Change the diaper. Get dressed. Cuddle him. Every morning. In that order.
Resting the groggy baby on your hip, you made your way back downstairs and into the kitchen, starting the bottle warmer and listening to the conversation between Spencer and Nellie.
“What if you go to school today, but on Friday we can both take the day off? We could go out for lunch,” he offered, crouching down so he was at her level.
She looked pointedly over at Olivia, who was happily eating the eggs that you assumed Spencer had given her, now thoroughly doused in ketchup, “Just us?”
Spencer nodded reassuringly, “If it’s okay with mommy, we can have a daddy and Nellie day.” He reached out tentatively and tucked some of her hair behind her ear, everything about him seemed so timid.
You looped around the kitchen table, ruffling Olivia’s hair before doing the same to Eleanor’s and even Spencer’s, which made Olivia giggle.
“Can I?” Spencer asked, nodding his head to the bottle that you had just grabbed from the warmer.
Blinking absently for a moment, you eventually nodded, handing Finn over to his dad along with the bottle, watching as Spencer cradled him, walking him around the kitchen while his bottle was clamped between his tiny hands. “Hey, girls, time to get dressed,” you said, forcing yourself to peel your eyes off of your husband.
Eleanor groaned but got up anyway, trudging up the steps while you followed with Olivia in your arms, feeling like you were missing something without Finn also in tow.
Nell made her way back down first, sitting on the couch and watching her dad, keeping an eye on him like she was afraid he was going to disappear before her very eyes. “Daddy?” She whispered, her voice barely audible from your place at the top of the stairs.
“Yeah?” He asked, you heard the sound of him setting the bottle in the sink.
She’s quiet for a moment before responding, “I missed you.”
Spencer’s footsteps stopped abruptly, “I missed you too, lovebug.”
You started to make your way down the stairs, letting Olivia go down on her own now that she wasn’t covered in blueberry. Eleanor looked at you with big eyes before helping her sister climb up on the couch. “Finny, Finny, Finny,” Olivia echoed.
Zipping up Eleanor’s school lunch in her bag, you sighed, hoping you were doing the right thing by sending her to school. “Hey, Nell,” you said, checking a new message on your phone, “Mrs. Jareau is here.”
JJ’s carpools had saved you multiple times while Spencer was in prison, you were just grateful she was willing to continue them.
Normally, she’d run out the door at the prospect of being able to talk to Henry, but this time she lingered by the front door, holding her backpack straps in her hands and staring at her dad, “Will you be here when I get home?”
He looked at you, a thousand emotions flashing in his brown eyes, and he squatted in front of her, “I’ll be here,” he said, holding out his pinky finger to interlock with her much smaller one. “I promise,” he said, kissing her forehead before standing up.
Once you knew she was off to school, you made sure Olivia was settled in on the couch and Finn was in his bouncer before going back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up. You were placing dishes in the dishwasher when Spencer came back.
“I’m sorry,” he said, leaning against the countertop and handing you a bowl to put on the top rack.
Taking the bowl, you didn’t look at him as you placed it in the dishwasher before putting a tablet in and pressing the start button, “I wish you’d stop apologizing.”
He stepped slightly closer to you, “I know. It’s just… watching you handle all three of them in the morning. It’s incredible,” he praised you. “I left you alone,” he said mournfully.
You shrugged, having never really thought of it that way, “You didn’t leave me alone. I had them,” you said, nodding in the direction of the living room, where Finn and Olivia were having a conversation that only the two of them could understand.
You sighed in relief as the shower water washed over you, an early afternoon shower just before Eleanor got home from school, the little ones were down for their naps, and you had to race against time before one of them woke up. It didn’t give you a lot of time to just sit under the running water, but you’d have enough time to wash your hair before you needed to pause the shower.
You had narrowly avoided disaster this morning when the girls’ breakfasts had been mixed up. Thankfully, you navigated a toddler meltdown that was triggered by the appearance of ham in her eggs. Poor Spencer was still confused even after you explained to him that she wouldn’t eat ham because it’s pink and pink is her favorite color.
It wasn’t something that made a lot of sense to you either, but the only person that it needed to make sense to was your two-year-old.
Rinsing your hair, you remembered how happy Spencer had been when he got Finn down last night. He’d spent the day talking about how babies don’t start to really recognize faces until they’re around four months old, and that was about how old he was when Spencer left.
Finn knew his dad. He’d even started reaching out for him when he wanted to be held but feeling comfortable enough to be put down for the night by him—it felt like a milestone.
The crying started right after you finished rinsing your hair, you quickly shut off the water and grabbed your towel off of the hook. Wrapping it around yourself, you dried off your feet before opening the bathroom. Sometimes when Finn cried while you were in the shower, you’d just bring him in with you to finish, but when you opened the door, his tears were already waning.
Spencer had gotten to him first, scooping him out of the crib in your room and holding him to his chest, “Hey, buddy,” he cooed softly, “What’s wrong?”
The baby chattered in response, gripping the cotton of Spencer’s t-shirt in his tiny fists and wiping his tears away.
“You’re alright,” Spencer whispered, placing him on your bed to undo his sleep sack, smiling at his son when he kicked his legs once freed. “You just wanted to be held, huh? Your sister was the same way when she was a baby,” he said.
Nell. He was remembering Nell as a baby, who slept best when she was being held and would cry if you were out of her line of sight.
Spencer turned around, stopping in his tracks when he saw you in the doorway, “Did you finish?”
You’d been caught, “Oh. Could you get a new soap from the hall closet? We’re out,” you fibbed, mindful of the way your hair was still dripping wet.
He frowned, “I just put a new one in this morning. Did you look on the caddy?”
Blinking, you shook your head, “No, my bad.”
You had already started closing the door when he called for you, “Honey?”
Pausing, you peeked out the door to look at him, “Yeah?”
“I’m here,” he told you, something urgent in his tone.
Your face warmed, the reminder of his presence making your heart race, “I—” you faltered, “I know.”
You had managed to get Nell out the door without a fight this morning with the promise of her father-daughter date tomorrow. Olivia was settled with her toys in your line of sight and Finn was in a sling. The baby hadn’t slept well last night, and you were fairly certain that he had a new tooth poking through. He seemed fine now, catching up on sleep while you wiped down the kitchen.
Spencer was across from you, filling out some required papers for his reinstatement hearing. He hadn’t fully committed to seeking reinstatement until you brought it up. Frankly, you were horrified by the fact that Spencer was under the impression that you would ask him to leave the BAU for any reason.
“What do you have planned today?” Spencer asked you, still focusing on the papers while making gentle conversation with you.
You raised your eyebrows briefly, “Really awesome exciting stuff.” You took a sip of your coffee before adjusting Finn’s sling. Very slowly, you were beginning to find a new routine with Spencer and the kids in the morning. Spencer was learning about everything that had changed, and you were learning how to give him more responsibilities around the house.
You needed to let go of the notion that you were still alone. Spencer hummed in response, laughing at your blatant oversell, “Like what?”
Smiling, you dried your hands on a tea towel before standing next to him, distracting him from his paperwork with the cuteness of a sleeping baby. “There is so much dirty laundry in this house,” you told him, “I’m surprised anyone has any clean clothes.”
“Anything else?” Spencer asked, placing one hand gently on your hip and pressing a tentative kiss to your lips.
You hesitated, “Uh, cooking?”
He looked at you curiously, “Cooking for what?”
Chewing on the inside of your lip, you looked over at Olivia, making sure she was preoccupied before answering, “Monica and the kids.”
Realization dawned over Spencer’s face, “Oh,” he breathed. It didn’t surprise you that Spencer had conflicting feelings about Stephen’s death, given that he hadn’t known him that well prior to his arrest, but he and his family had grown close to you in your husband’s absence.
You nodded, “There’s a meal train thing going on for them, so I was going to make some stuff and drop it there later.” Tentatively, you smoothed Spencer’s hair back, needing something to do with your hands, “Maya used to babysit a lot when I needed extra hands. I just want to feel like I’m returning the favor.”
“Can I come with you?” Spencer asked, tilting his head back to look up at you.
Smiling softly at him, you answered, “Of course.” You sniffled, “If we time it right, we could pick Nell up from school at the end of the day.”
He squeezed your hip comfortingly, “I love you.”
You leaned down and kissed him again, “I love you too.”
The chattering woke you up, Finn in his crib talking to himself as you glared at the alarm clock. It was just past three in the morning, and the second thing you noticed was that you were alone in your bed.
You sat up in a panic, worried you had dreamt the past few weeks until your eyes found Spencer’s watch sitting on his nightstand. Rubbing your eyes, you dragged yourself out of bed before getting Finn from his crib, taking his sleep sack off to make him easier to hold, “Hey,” you whispered, “Let’s go find daddy.”
It didn’t take you long, Spencer was sitting on the floor in the hallway, his knees bent to his chest as he looked into Nell’s room, her space nightlight providing a soft glow into the hallway.
“If you move to the left about a foot, you can see both of them at the same time,” you informed him.
He listened, shifting over so that he could see Eleanor and Olivia at the same time, both of them sleeping peacefully in their beds. Spencer looked up at you, “Why do you know that?”
You slid down the wall, taking a seat next to him and settling Finn lengthwise along your thighs, “At the beginning of March, Nell brought home a virus from school and gave it to Liv, and then one of them gave it to Finn. So, I’d sit out here in the hallway and watch the girls with Finny in my lap,” you told him, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Just so I’d be nearby if any of them needed anything,” you kept your voice at a whisper, rocking your legs in hopes that it would soothe Finn back to sleep.
Spencer didn’t respond for a moment, thinking through what you had said before finally speaking up, “No one told me they’d been sick.”
Humming, you smoothed the baby’s hair back, keeping it out of his face, “I didn’t tell anyone.” To this day, no one else knew that you had juggled three sick kids at once, “I lied to JJ and told her that I was keeping Nell home for a few days, and she didn’t push for more information.” No one had pushed you for anything in the past three months.
“Why didn’t you ask for help?” Spencer asked, leaning his head on yours and resting a hand on your knee.
You didn’t want to, quite honestly. You hadn’t wanted to have to call your mom or anyone from the BAU when you needed help because it felt like an admission of sorts. Admitting that Spencer was gone long-term and that you were a solo parent. “I don’t know,” you lied, “I felt like I had something to prove to the world.”
Spencer swallowed thickly next to you, “Did it work?”
Shaking your head, you sighed a breath of relief at his presence, “No.”
He was quiet for a while, likely wallowing in a pit of guilt that he had been constructing for weeks, “We should get him back to bed.”
“Spence?” You whispered, closing your eyes and listening to the sounds of your quiet house, “Can we just stay like this for a little while?”
Humming a confirmation, Spencer placed a gentle kiss on the crown of your head, leaving his hand resting on your knee while the two of you remained in the hallway, enjoying each other’s company.
“We should’ve done cupcakes,” you said mournfully, turning on the oven light to see that there was something very off about the cake you’d put in the oven.
Spencer hummed, looking at the recipe again to see if there was something you had missed, “Why didn’t we do cupcakes?”
You huffed, “The Pinterest photo I found was of a cake.” It was a perfect cake, complete with a purple graduation cap made out of fondant that you could put on the top. The only problem was you had severely overestimated your baking abilities.
“So,” Spencer started, “It’s your fault.”
Scoffing, you tapped his chest with a silicone spatula, “It’s the fault of whoever posted the original photo!”
Spencer smiled at you, a dopey look in his eyes despite it being one in the morning. “We should’ve asked Penelope to do the cake,” he told you, flipping over the recipe you had printed out.
“We can make a cake,” you retorted, you were throwing a very small party for Nell’s last day of kindergarten—the first time you’ve invited a group over since Spencer was arrested. “You have three PhDs and you don’t think you can bake a cake?”
He raised his eyebrows at you, “This might come as a surprise to you, but none of my coursework ever involved baking.”
You grinned at him, “That does surprise me, it’s basically chemistry,” you challenged.
Spencer rolled his eyes, “Okay, come here,” he said, pulling you into his arms by the fabric of your t-shirt.
Realization fell over you as you scrambled to get away, “No! You’re gonna put frosting on my nose again.” It would be his second offense of the evening.
He followed you into the living room where you tripped over a toy truck, causing you to fall to the ground. When he offered a hand to help you up, you tugged him to the floor, causing one of the balloons that you had previously blown up to pop.
You covered your mouth to muffle your giggles, waiting to see if the noise had woken any of the kids up.
The kids were all so happy to have Spencer back, but your stomach twisted at the realization that this was the first night you’d really felt like you had Spencer back. You loved the kids, but you haven’t had a moment without them since February.
“Hey,” you said to Spencer, rolling over and flinging a balloon at him for good measure.
Carefully, you rested your chin on his chest, staring at him while he tried to calm his own laughter, “Hi,” he said back, ruffling your hair affectionately.
You took a deep breath before speaking up again, “I missed you.”
You hadn’t said it yet. You’d developed some misconstrued fear of making him feel guilty if you’d told him just how much you missed him, but it was the truth. You missed him. He smiled softly down at you, almost as if he had been waiting for you to say the words. “I missed you too,” he whispered.
Slowly, you lifted yourself up and pressed your lips to his, kissing him. It was more than any of the quick pecks you’d shared in the last few weeks, it was real. His hands dug into your waist as if he was afraid you were going to disappear, but you stayed there. You stayed with him, and you always would.
Up until the timer for the cake went off, your phone buzzing in your pocket when you finally pulled away. Breathing heavily, Spencer asked, “Is it too late to ask Penelope to do the cake?”
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