#kevin probably found a way to get banned

[shsunderland]

Kevin probably posts the most horrible stuff on twitter snd Charles is just defending him like “He’s human he makes mistakes!!” “Ok? And?” Etc.

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! I am coming to you with Christmas/reveal update: So first of, Merry Christmas, i hope you had a lovely day. And second: yesterday my day started with my brother waking up probably the whole neighborhood by blasting Christmas music and then he immediately forced me to open presents. His “bad present” to me btw was my own candle that was already half used. So that made me fell a bit better about his present. Let’s get to the thing we all care about, btw i was so fucking nervous, it’s actually ridiculous even though I knew he wouldn’t freak out. Anyway: he opened his present and saw the shirt and he started laughing so much and was like ‘oh fuck i can’t wait to wear this to my check up on Wednesday’ and then he found the note… and he stared at it and then looked at me, looked at the note, looked back at me and went ‘isnt that the site that banned porn?’ Out of all things i thought he’d say, that one wasn’t even near the list. And i was like ‘yeah, im sorry. Originally i just wanted to tell the person how you started watching it and how she kinda had something to do with it and then it just kind of…blew up and other people wanted to hear your thoughts’ and he looked at me surprised and went ‘people…as in plural..*looks at me almost a bit scared* so like…do they hate my thoughts and me oooorrr would we be friends if we met?’ And then i told him that to my knowledge, he was liked and the look on his face was priceless ngl. And then he went ‘show me the blog’ and i had your blog already pulled up all the way down to the first ever message (which holy shit..i almost feel bad for all the spam, bless your heart for putting up with me) and he spent hours going through them. I’m talking every answer/comment/post.. and when he finished he went ‘damn…i was going through it. I’m so glad I matured since then. But im happy they didn’t witness my season 1 reactions’ (he has not matured. He is still the same minus all the meds. During s1 he threw a bag of candy at the tv when Craig showed up..) after that he told on me to our parents and he started that conversation by saying ‘merry Christmas, hey guess what? I’m famous!’ I got in trouble a LITTLE bit BUT he did defend it with ‘no no guys, you dont get it. I’m famous! To like 5 people but that’s still a lot of people!’ He also called our uncle and was like ‘you made bets on me being gay cause of Brian? That’s messed up bro.’ He spent the entire day going through the messages multiple times and told his friends about it.

And then today he wanted me to send you guys a message in his name and i wanted to die inside. His only order was to type everything he says. So my apologies in advance, he proof read this entire message and still wanted to send it as it was. So without further ado, here’s a message from the man himself:

Should I start with hello or sup? Hi everyone, how are you guys? Hope Christmas didn’t suck for you. Yesterday i found out about this blog and my partial participation in it. So hello, first of all I gotta say: Jinx is fucking cool so I already like the person who runs the blog. Make sure you let them know that. And ask what their favorite drag race moment with Jinx was? Okay, second of all: that photo meme someone made with Kevin Hart being Bri Bri was the best fucking thing I’ve seen in a while, it made me laugh so much. I sent it to all my friends to show them, hope that’s okay. Anyway now to the important shit: I am very happy that I was able to entertain you people throughout the last few months even if it was without my knowledge. I am also 100% very fucking confused about it. I actually thought my reactions were pretty fucking normal and that mom and dad were being dramatic but now being able to go back and see them…i would lie and say it was the meds but my sister clearly provided some other stories so I can’t even lie that I’m usually normal. Whatever. But i am happy to learn that I am not the only one when it comes to being in love with Blondie and Brian. Or the real life versions of them. Although there’s not a lot of them in any behind the scenes stuff or even interviews or photos and my sister told me that that hasn’t changed even now, so what the fuck is up with that? I was ready to reactivate my instagram to keep up with them, only to learn that I got better chance seeing Jesus come back to life than to see them post a fucking photo especially Gale. Kinda fucked up and rude but whatever, I’ll live. I think. Probably not.

Anyway, glad to know we had similar feelings about some stuff and that I’m not alone in thinking Mike and Ben are fucking boring. Felt good to be understood. And I’m happy to know that without my knowledge I was accepted into your little club. I read every answer to my sisters messages and even some, is it comments? Well I read those little notes too and some of them made me laugh and you guys all sound pretty fucking dope. I mean someone all the way from fucking Europe kept up with me? I am so sorry to that person but also that’s so cool.

And I want to say thanks for the well wishes! I saw that at the beginning there were some replies wishing me fast recovery and all that shit, so thanks for that! That’s very sweet of them especially since they don’t know me. Let them know i find out on Wednesday if I can go home next week and that i might get my cast removed. Okay, now i leave them with my farewell message: You guys are cool, thanks for making me a member of the club. I appreciate that a lot. Fandoms are fucking dope cause it’s just bunch of people loving the same thing and isn’t that fucking cool to think about? Just bunch of people coming together because of their love for something. So it’s nice to be in another fandom. I met my best friend cause we both love Iron Man. Hug your homies or whoever you want and pet an animal if you can! And while you’re at it, tell a republican to go fuck themselves. Especially right now. Bye. Let them know I threw a peace sign up at the end.

FRIENDS IF YOU ARE READING THIS GO TO MY BLOG AND READ FROM THE START OF THE MOST RECENT UPDATES BECAUSE THIS IS THE SWEET SWEET FINALE TO THIS CRAZY LITTLE TRIP.

Hello brother anon! (Dear sweet anon, please show him this message). I’m so glad you’ve taken this all with a big heart and a sense of humor. But give what your sister has shared with us and the way you’ve joined your local drag community, I didn’t think you would be super pissed. But you never know. As this is a show that has been off the air for nearly 20 years, the fandom is small and we very rarely get new content (the newest content was 2020) so having your updates via your sister was an incredible breath of fresh air. Thank you from the entire tumblr fandom!

This? This is what it’s about:

Fandoms are fucking dope cause it’s just bunch of people loving the same thing and isn’t that fucking cool to think about? Just bunch of people coming together because of their love for something. So it’s nice to be in another fandom. I met my best friend cause we both love Iron Man. Hug your homies or whoever you want and pet an animal if you can! And while you’re at it, tell a republican to go fuck themselves. Especially right now. Bye. Let them know I threw a peace sign up at the end.

This is what it is all about. Fandom is about the people just as much as the canon on which it is based. We are small but mighty and we are happy and delighted to welcome you with open arms.

My favorite Jinkx moments? Oh god, to have to choose? Ofc her iconic snatch game performances - all stars 7 of course of course but her snatch game as Little Edie on S5… whenever I wash my hair and put it up in a turban I like to go find my spouse (not hard, we live in a 2 bedroom apartment) and quote her line “I can never tell if it’s caviar or giblets for the cats” and I get bonus points if I actually grab a can of cat food for my performance. I’ve gotten to see her live twice - her and Dela’s holiday show in 2019 (I think - or it was 2018) and her most recent one-person show. I am SO EXCITED TO SEE HER IN DOCTOR WHO.

Much love to both of you - Siblings Anon. (makes fist) Ally.

[eric-cartman-my-beloved]

Matt and Trey really said Cartman has a sibling and then never referenced it ever again. Almost 13 years ago Scott said he would be back and we didn’t even see him in Post Covid (Hell we saw Kevin McCormick). I wonder if they’re building up to something but the most likely situation is they just forgot about Scott, which sucks because they have the best sibling dynamic. I have so many questions like where is Scott living now? Did he go back to the mental hospital? Who the hell did he live with right after the chili incident? Is he even alive or did he kill himself? Why did they never reference (even briefly) Cartman arranging to have his dad killed after 201? (Cartman still wishes he had a dad in the teenagers ep and the streaming wars) Does Cartman just want to forget about Scott and what he said? This bothers me so much because if you never watched 201 (a banned episode btw) you would have NO idea they were even related. Like yeah Cartman’s hair is a mix of red and brown (While his mom has dark brown hair) but that wouldn’t lead someone to the conclusion he would be related to the Tenormans and Scott would be his sibling.

So many questions So little answers.

Aah dear Anon, you've touched my heart with this, you've no idea😭 You've put all of my thoughts about Scott's disappereance into words!

Matt and Trey literally made them brothers for the shock value and then made Scott vanish! (Ouch, please don't say "201" was 13 years ago, that hurts😭)

EXACTLY. Forget about Kevin for a second, we even saw the leader of the 6th graders. The *freaking* leader of the 6th graders. (Well, they weren't 6th graders anymore but you get my point.) We saw all of those minor characters, but apparently Eric's brother was not important enough...!

I'm adding this to the reasons to hate the Post Covid Specials. (As if I didn't have enough already... )

Though, techically, Scott did make a "comeback" with "Tenorman's Revenge", but yeah, that obviously wasn't in the show, so it doesn't make up for his disappereance.

I wish trough the depths of my heart that Matt and Trey have something planned for Scott and they haven't completely abandoned him, but unfortunately I'll have to agree. It looks like they've forgotten him... Eric and Scott clearly have the best sibling dynamic, in the whole show, at the very least.

Oh my God me too! Just what is going on in that boy's life right now??

I'm guessing he's living in some kind of orphanage/foster care? We haven't been told anything about other close relatives so far, so... But I do need an official answer at some point!

Ah, no, at least we don't have to worry about whether he's alive or not! I don't know if you've noticed, but he makes a *tiny* little cameo near the end of the vaccination special. So, at least he's alive - that's something.

That's so true and it's so weird! It's like the big reveal in "201" never happened!

After the teenager episode in season 25 I was honestly hoping for them to at least reference Jack in this season (at least a mention!) but alas... I agree that probably Eric is trying to forget about his origins but still, they could have found a way to reference Jack or Scott.

This is something that makes me crazy too! Because "201" happened to be banned, barely anyone remembers about Scott's existence, let alone the fact that he and Eric are related 😭 I still see people get shocked when they learn that they're brothers, and Scott is included so rarely in sibling fanart...

And of course, Eric's hair color can't exactly tell you who his father is.

I honestly think that they should somehow officially at re-release the scenes with Scott somehow, so at least more people will know he exists.

*Sigh* You can certainly say that again...

[fardell24b]

A Variant Lawndale 01 - Beach Party Invitation Part 4

Jane paddled out to the wave and started to surf. However, there was trouble. Tori had entered straight after her and was dropping in on her. “Hey! We’ll both wipe out!”

“Tough, Jane!”

Daria looked on in disbelief as Tori leapt from her board towards Jane. ‘What?’

“Crazy!” Spatula Man cried out.

Tori crashed into Jane, knocking her off the board.

Jane crawled out of the pool and then turned to face Tori, who had followed her out. “What’s wrong with you?!”

“I’d ask that of you,” Tori retorted.

“I’m not the one who leapt off a surfboard at another surfer in a wave pool! I’m sure Brittany saw you!”

“I’m sure she did.”

In fact, Brittany was already aware. “Oooh!”

“She had stirred up trouble all summer,” Donna said.

“I’m going to give her a piece of my mind!” Brittany exclaimed.

“Wait!” Donna called out.

“Huh?”

“Probably not a good idea,” Angie said.

“Why not?” Brittany asked.

“Because she will fight you,” Donna said.

‘Of course,’ Brittany thought. “So…”

“Ban her from future parties,” Donna suggested.

“I shall!” Brittany declared.

Jane came over. “Can I go again?” she asked Brittany.

“Of course. Tori had no right to do what she did!”

“After that interruption, Jane Lane is going again,” Spatula Man announced.

Jane’s second attempt went off without any interruptions.

“Jane gets an 8, a 9 and another 8!”

Daria was impressed.

“You did well!” Daria said.

“I did, didn’t I,” Jane said. She looked around. “Now where did that Tori go?”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Daria objected.

“You can make sure it doesn’t go beyond words,” Jane added.

“Sure,” Daria said although she wasn’t sure.

Jane and Daria approached where Tori was resting. “Tori!” the former called out.

“Jane!” Tori said.

“What you did, you could have hurt me quite badly!”

“That was the point!”

“I could have died!” Jane exclaimed.

“I don’t think so,” Tori said. “Now go, before I leap at you again.”

Jane seethed, but realised that was what Tori wanted.

It seemed that Daria was thinking similarly. “It’s not worth it!” She said quietly.

Jane nodded and turned away from the provocatory teen.

Daria followed her.

Meanwhile, Kevin joined the limbo competition. “Are you sure, Kevin?” the cheerleader, Donna, asked.

“Brit suggested it,” Kevin said.

“Of course,” Donna sighed. “Line up.”

Kevin nodded.

The Limbo competition had already started. Kevin didn’t do well at all. It seemed that he was too top heavy. He didn’t get past halfway. “Oh man!”

Daria and Jane were then approached by a couple of boys. “Hi, girls,” one said.

“Those guys are looking at us,” Jane said.

“Don't they know we're from two different worlds? Regular and popular?” Daria asked.

“The one in the green shirt is cute... in a head-too-big-for-his-body kind of way.”

“I saw you on the board earlier,” one said. “Tori was wrong.”

“Thanks.”

“So, you want to come to the Laundry Room?”

“Really?” Jane asked.

“We’re hardly interested,” Daria retorted. She turned away, but quickly found that Jane wasn’t following. “Huh?”

“Go on ahead!” Jane said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Daria walked off and saw that Kevin was getting frustrated with the limbo. “Of course,” she commented.

Jane exited the laundry room. The experience hadn’t really been satisfying, compared to the rush of surfing.

She quickly found Daria.

“What was it like?” Daria asked.

“I wasn’t really interested,” Jane said.

“Really?” Daria asked dubiously.

“Fine! He thought my head was a lollipop!”

“Right.”

[oh-boy-me]

I just read both the australia and museum post and the chaos levels are top tier, but like imagine the chaos that ensues if lord diavolo discovers about amusment parks and immediately just buys tickets to disneyland. Lucifer is basically the dad trying not to loose his children(lord diavolo included). Lord diavolo wanting to ride a loopy rollercoaster and just having the time of his life! (Also I highkey see diavolo ordering lucifer to make a disneyland in devildom tbh) Also mouse ear headbands!

This..... this took forever

Hey there anon!  Sorry it took literally a year to answer this!  If you’re still into Obey Me, I hope this was a pleasant surprise.

Also for the first time ever a scenario post is being put under the cut for length purposes.  This scenario is 2.6k words Jesus

Please note that the last time I went to Disney was in 2015, so anything that’s newer than that is taken from the extensive reading of Disney advice blogs I read in preparation for this post.  Anything older than that is likely from experience.

Also, I tried my best to keep this spoiler free for the attractions that can be affected by it.

--

So the Devildom DOES have the concept of amusement parks.  I slept on this ask for so long that we’ve learned about Devil’s Coast.  It seems to be more akin to a smaller-scale theme park, though.  Small-ish.  I’m used to NYC idk what constitutes as small.

Something like Disney World is on such a larger scale!!  When Diavolo heard about that, he knew they had to go.

They are going to Disney World in Orlando because it’s the only one I’ve been to.

Lucifer is REALLY getting tired of these field trips, but there would be no weird animals, and there would be no sobering lessons on global extinction events at a family-friendly amusement park.  He.  He can handle this.

Solomon has actually been banned from all Walt Disney theme parks.  We’re talking blacklist-level banned.  He’s barred from ever entering any Disney park ever again.  However, this was back in 1976, so this must be, like, his son or something, right?  There’s no way this is the same guy.  Thought the security guard who let him in.

What did Solomon do to get banned?  When asked, he only gave a curious hum.  “Yeah, I wonder.”

The place is split into four parks, so they’ll spend one day in each.

Barbatos continued to flex his power as the only one in the group with a brain cell, being sure to get them all fast passes.  He even set time back just for the passes while they were booking the rides they wanted to cut the lines for, so if they don’t get used he’s going to be very snippy.

Also for convenience sake this is taking place in an AU where everything is the same but COVID doesn’t exist to shut down some rides and attractions.

Day 1: Hollywood Studios

MC and Simeon basically have to coerce Lucifer into letting everyone run free instead of making them all line up with a walking rope all day.  He relents on the condition that everyone checks in periodically so he can at least know they haven’t killed anyone.

Nobody will check in except for maybe Beelzebub and those at Purgatory Hall.

Levi immediately gathered his fellow Star Wars fans (which basically meant calling over Mammon Belphie and Asmo and then pulling in two unsuspecting people suddenly given the title of “Star Wars fan”), and made a beeline for Galaxy’s Edge.  There’s a LOT to do there and damn it if he wasn’t going to hit all of it.

First up for their group is the interactive Millennium Falcon Smuggler’s Run.  They fail the mission.  Levi’s pretty pissed, but everyone agrees that it was fun nonetheless.  They really felt like they were doing a mission in the Falcon!  Plus, the gameplay element was totally up the alley of most of this group.  Simeon does feel a little nauseous from Luke’s jerky steering, though.

Did you know that Diavolo loves Toy Story?  He does.  He’s very much enjoying the Slinky roller coaster with Barbatos.

Barbatos would rather be spending time at the shows and performances, but oh no god forbid we don’t get an autograph from Doc McStuffins.  Lucifer please come find him and save him.

Lucifer somehow wandered into the Frozen Sing-Along Celebration.  He wants out.  Barbatos please come find him and save him.

In general, Lucifer isn’t a fan of these sorts of places, so honestly he’s just hiding from the others and waiting for today to be over.  Barbatos told him that there are parks that don’t revolve around rides and characters, and he’s holding out for those.

Luckily for them Diavolo wants to do LITERALLY everything, and that does include the shows, so Barbatos and Lucifer can have at least some fun today

Levi, Asmo, and Beel are about to start their relay for getting character autographs when Satan shows up out of nowhere and starts dragging everyone over to the Tower of Terror.  Solomon bars all attempts to flee on a certain Avatar of Greed’s side.

The line to the Tower is so long, and honestly?  Satan feels like the ride didn’t live up to the literal hour they waited to get on.  Like yeah it was fun, but way too short.

He voices those thoughts, and Levi, who Satan knows is afraid of heights, is pretty fucking livid and drags him to Rock n Rollercoaster as revenge.  Satan hates roller coasters.

As for the others, Asmo and Luke have a lot of fun on the thrill rides.  Mammon and Simeon do not.  Beel is a little spooked by them but still manages to have fun, while Belphie and Solomon think they’re alright.

Eventually, Simeon gets too sick to move, and they assign him to Luke.  They say it’s because he’s too short to ride some of the rides (even though he’s literally not, screw you guys.)

Barbatos messes with time a lil bit so they can enjoy the Fantasmic Show and Fireworks to wrap the day up.

Levi is very jealous of Diavolo’s Doc McStuffins autograph.  Somehow Asmo has Buzz Lightyear’s number.

Day 2: Animal Kingdom

Satan is vibrating

He literally instantly sprints to the Kilimanjaro Safari.  And good for him; that’s something best done while the sun isn’t high up.  The whole gang actually agrees to check that one out, and while Satan isn’t thrilled to be within 50 feet of Lucifer, he’s glad Simeon is there because he remembers how his presence lured animals out in Australia.

Simeon also finds himself pulled along the trails by Satan and parents watch in horror as a gorilla gives him a friendly pat on the back.

If you didn’t know, Animal Kingdom is divided into the two continents of Asia and Africa, as well as the secret eighth continent Avatar (2009).  Diavolo heard great things about the Flight of Passage ride, but he totally forgot to tell Barbatos about it, so they’re stuck on a three hour wait line now.

Levi takes Luke on the Everest roller coaster because Simeon saw it in the distance and looked like he was about to cry.  Levi wouldn’t shut up about how the yeti effect needs to be fixed and Solomon had to explain that the effect literally couldn’t support itself.

Simeon, having escaped a roller coaster for the first and only time on this trip, grabs lunch with Lucifer and Solomon and they enjoy the Lion King performance together.  Solomon’s the only one of them who’s seen the movie, but the others still found it fun.  Solomon keeps making up random plot points that don’t exist, though.  Remember when Simba was captured by pirates?

Mammon found the Bugs Life show very scary.  Normally Asmo would laugh at him, but he’s afraid of any bug he’s never seen before and at least Mammon was afraid of the things that were supposed to get you.  They agree that bugs are still not their friends.

Satan has many things to say about the Dinosaur ride and most of them aren’t good.  Belphie thought it was pretty ok, though.  Lucifer can’t believe there was a sobering lesson on a global extinction event at this family-friendly amusement park.

Diavolo is still in line.  Barbatos abandons him.  He accompanies Luke to the kiddie fossil thing and actually finds it more tolerable.  Oh yeah that’s the other secret ninth continent, Dinoland.

Beel and Belphie spend most of the day together at the various petting zoos.  Belphie comes back knowing more than he ever wanted to about conservation.  He thought Rafiki’s Planet Watch was going to be about watching other planets, not this one!

Asmo gets very interested in the costumes of the performers, as well as the parrots in the bird show.  He could probably make some really colorful designs with those as inspiration.

Nearby, Mammon runs into Kevin and squawks in surprise.  The zoo staff spend the next two hours trying to find the bird that escaped.

Diavolo says the ride was worth it, don’t worry.

Honestly this park has a lot of stuff that wouldn’t translate well to a funny scenario post so this part might be a little short compared to the others.  I can only talk about a zoo for so long.

Anyone remember the Honey I Shrunk the Kids 4D show?  Apparently it closed in 2016 to make room for more Star Wars stuff.

Anyway, at the center of it all there’s the Tree of Life, which is really pretty all day.  Lucifer is thrilled to have a decently obvious meet-up place, too.  They get to catch the brief awakening show at night.

They’re very bummed to learn the Rivers of Light show isn’t happening anymore, so Levi pulls it up on his phone so they can watch it in spirit.

Then Satan learns about the Wilderness Explorers badges and the others spend the rest of the time preventing too much collateral damage over the fact that nobody told him.

Day 3: Epcot

Finally, Lucifer thinks.  Boo, Luke thinks.

Beel didn’t expect this park to be that interesting to him (he’s much more into the wonder and immersion of Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom), but then he learned about the restaurants.  China, Norway, France, Mexico, Germany, Morocco, Italy, Japan, Canada--Canada?  Huh.  Canada.  There’s so many different restaurants from so many cuisines to try, and yeah he knows that it’s definitely not the same as going to the place and it’s overpriced (sorry Lucifer), but it’s all right there.  He makes certain to take MC on a deluxe Epcot restaurant tour.

Oh yeah MC.  That’s the first time we’ve heard from them in a while.  They’re doing whatever you want them to I guess.

Levi buys so much from the Japanese gift shops that he has to go back to the hotel for a bit to drop his bags off.

Satan and Diavolo aren’t much better, but their stashes are more varied.

Also, Diavolo found Mouse Gear, and bought everyone a pair of ears.  Lucifer says that everyone has to keep them on because it’s what Lord Diavolo wants, but he is by far the most upset about them.  Mammon snaps a picture and Lucifer throws his DDD into the lake.

Asmo and Belphie decide they’re gonna take it easy this day, and they nab Solomon and Barbatos for some exhibition hopping.

Luke finds Mission Space and please father no Simeon thought he was safe he thought he was safe here no please

Aside from that, though, Luke honestly finds this part of the park boring.  He’d have been more interested in these attractions elsewhere, but as a kid he’s in Disney for roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.

Simeon is very grateful that Luke doesn’t have much that he wants to do, because it means that he can enjoy the Gran Fiesta and Living with the Land boat rides and have a single moment where he doesn’t feel like he’s about to be sick.  He’s not even afraid of the rides; he just gets motion sick easily.

Asmo makes sure to see the Chinese acrobat show, and Mammon catches that with the show-hopping gang since there isn’t much he wants to do here either.

Epcot has alcohol and Solomon hasn’t been able to drink in ages so he really wants to spend some time doing that with MC.  No demons allowed, thank you very much.  He doesn’t hold his liquor as well as he’d like you to believe, but he just gets really talkative when drunk so it’s ok.

Epcot is a nice day to take a breather and Lucifer and Barbatos definitely needed a breather before tomorrow.

Day 4: Magic Kingdom

This is the day Diavolo has been waiting for.  The crème de la crop, the best park for kids and kids in a future king of the Devildom’s body.

Also I feel like now is a good time to mention that this probably isn’t a reasonable order of events because I don’t remember the map layout of these places idk Disney city planning

This time.  This time, Levi, Asmo and Beel are gonna get those autographs, dammit.  Levi doesn’t even know who half of these characters are but hell if he’s not getting their autograph.

Mammon actually really loves the mascots too, but he’s embarrassed about it so he’ll only try to get one if he can use the guise of MC wanting one.  MC, please help him out

Belphie isn’t big on rides, but he does have a soft spot for the more retro ones like Dumbo and Seven Dwarves.  And like I said before, Beel loves Magic Kingdom for its wonder.  So Belphie is perfectly happy being led (read: piggybacked) around by Beel today, because their favorite attractions match up pretty well here.

Actually, Beel’s favorite Disney movie is Lilo and Stitch, but.  RIP Stitch’s Great Escape ride 2004-2018

Diavolo and Lucifer take a moment to enjoy the Carousel of Progress, and they reflect on how much the Human World is always changing and how much about it they still don’t know.  It really does make them think, like.  Grandma found the VR games at Christmas!  The Devildom doesn’t have grandmas!

Mammon is terrified of the Haunted Mansion ride, and Satan has literally never felt so much schadenfreude in his life.

Mammon’s afraid of most rides to be fair, but he likes water rides, so Levi eventually takes pity on him and they go on Splash Mountain together more than once.

The Peter Pan ride broke down

Luke wanted to go on Space Mountain and Simeon was the only one around, so.  RIP Simeon ????-2021

Diavolo was That Guy.  If you know, you know.

Beel accidentally spun the teacups way too fast.  Not even Solomon got out of that one unscathed.

Following that, Solomon manages to drag Barbatos onto the Jungle Cruise while Lucifer is busy.  What is Lucifer busy with?  Riding the Buzz Lightyear shooting ride over and over until he hits every single target and gets a perfect score at a Disney ride, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.  Anyway, Barbatos finds it really charming and Solomon finds it a nice break that he didn’t know he needed.

While looking for a food place that sells water for a reasonable price, a kid runs up to Asmo asking for a picture and autograph.  He’s kind of confused, but goes along with it to make the kid happy.

Turns out, Asmo’s so naturally charming that they mistook him for a prince.  Other groups see that family and follow suit.  Mammon eventually catches wind of it and shows up to charge a fee.  The parents are pretty sure Disney doesn’t charge fees like that, but their kids really want a pic with Asmo so they hand over the two bucks.  (“Oh it’s so low” come on Mammon’s not a dick to children.)

And that’s the story of how Mammon and Asmo ended up in Disney Jail.  You’re very much not allowed to pretend to be a cast member and then charge money for it.  Lucifer has to bail them out as their “guardian,” and as punishment they aren’t allowed to opt out of It’s a Small World.

Small World isn’t that bad imho, and those like Diavolo, Satan, Simeon, and Levi would like it a lot.  But Lucifer has been playing parent all day, Belphie does not like the noise, and Solomon has literally been on this ride at least fifty times.  Very mixed feelings on this one, but it feels fitting to end with that and a fireworks show.

All in all though this wasn’t the worst trip Lucifer’s been on (cue everyone applauding for some reason).

Barbatos by far had the least fun of them all because for four days he was stuck in a park where the mascot is a fucking rodent and he wasn’t allowed to annihilate Mickey Mouse where he stood

“Disneyland Devildom when” “Lord Diavolo, no”

Masterlist

[91percentpynch]

the cut that always bleeds - kevaaron au pt 3

kejerejean stans? this one is for you. no seriously this one is out of jean‘s point of view? cuz honestly i love that hoe so much. as always get your tissues ready guys. this is actually kinda long? and a mess? and no one beta read it so if there are mistakes or it doesn‘t make sense i‘m sorry!! this is not that sad? tw: mention of murder, mention of physically hurting someone, mention of stabbing, mention of the nest, mention of trauma

check this out to find the other parts:)

Jean has always been a light sleeper. He had to be in order to survive the horrors of Evermore.

So naturally the sobs - as silent as they might have been - woke him up. His eyes opened at once, he sat straight up. Almost automatically he got to his feet and left the room to get to Kevin.

After all, comforting Kevin was like breathing to him.

Jeremy followed Jean, because he would always follow Jean. Jeremy was like a moth and Jean was the light. Wherever he went Jer would follow.

So they went to Kevin‘s room. The striker laid in his bed, curled up, phone in his hand, uncontrollable sobs escaping his mouth.

„I see you took the call this time“, Jean said, surprisingly gentle.

„I wanted to end it. I wanted to have a clear cut. So tell me, why does the cut still bleed?“, Kevin whispered, his voice barely audible.

„Because it‘s a cut that always bleeds“, Jeremy told Kevin as he came closer, carefully and ever so gentle placing his hands on the other boy‘s back.

„He said he wants me to come back to him“, Kevin whispered while holding onto himself as if to try to stop himself from falling apart. „He told me he misses me. That he only gets high when he misses me“

It was quiet in the dark room, shadows were dancing, just as Aaron and Kevin used to dance in the dead of night underneath the night sky.

„You did the right thing Kev“, Jean replied in French while he got into the Bed behind Kevin. Just like they used to do in the Nest.

When Kevin was in his arms he began to hum a French lullaby into his ear.

Jeremy joined them after a second of admiring his beautiful boyfriend and the broken boy in his arms.

„Dude, do you want something? Hot coca? A special Knoxian hug? Us to get Andrew to gut that bastard? Wait, hold on. I forgot. Twin brother. Well, I can gut him for you? Andrew and this is a word by word quote told be once ‚You‘re like a little unicorn in a world full of wolfs with razor sharp teeths, learn to gut the wolfs, stay safe‘, so he taught me how to stab someone? Yeah okay that is not the topic right now, I can still gut Aaron though. I mean Andrew would try to hurt me, but then again I‘m his best friend so he does not have the rights to gut me, right?“, Jeremy offered him a toothy grin, while his hand wandred to his neck rubbing it nervously.

„Can you please not gut him? First of all: Andrew already tried to choke me once when Josten was in danger and I told them where he was, cause apparently yOu DoN‘t KeEp ThOsE tHiNgS tO yOuRsElF yOu FuCkInG mOrOn. I think you do keep those things to yourself if the other option is to get fucking murdered by the mafia??? But what do I know, am I right? After all I‘m just a narcistic, Exy-obsessed asshole without a personality. Bonus I have anxiety, panic attacks, probably depression and I‘m unlovable“, Kevin mumbled into his pillow, the voices of the other foxes, of the other teams inside of his head.

„Did they tell you that?“, Jeremy asked, not quite able to hide the sadness and pain in his voice.

„Doesn‘t eveyone think that?“, Kevin asked. „I mean I think they tend to forget that the woman who gave birth to me, the last woman who geniuely loved me besides maybe Abby, invented the job. I think they tend to forget that the fucking mafia killed her when they found out I‘m not theirs by nature, so the only solution was apparently fucking murder. Then they kidnapped me, brainwashed and tortured me to the point where all I knew was Exy. Oh and maybe they also tend to forget that Ravens were only ever allowed to do Exy, if you were privilegded enough sleep, and do more Exy“

„Kevin you are so much more than that“, Jean whispered into Kevin‘s ear while pressing him against his chest. Just as they used to do in the Nest. „I might be mad at you, because you left me alone with those psychopaths. I used to think you didn‘t care about me. But you were just like me, okay with less scars and less you know. However I cannot say I wouldn‘t have done the same. I understand you now, Kevin. And please, please stop saying those things. And now let us cuddle you and let Jer go through his ridiculous post break-up list. We‘re gonna cuddle you and all you have to do is trying to fall asleep. Used to help me when I was alone at USC. Could only sleep properly when someone held me. Well, Jeremy. Tomorrow we‘ll shove unhealthy food down your throat and watch Downton Abbey or whatever those historcial dramas you love so much are called. While stroking your hand or whatever you‘re into big boy. Afterwards we‘ll take the dogs out and force you to watch the fucking sunset. And I‘ll hold your fucking hand“

Kevin supposed the middle of the night was the time of long lost truths. „Okay“, he mumbled while he moved closer to Jean. Replacing his smell with Jean‘s. It took him a while to fall asleep but he managed.

At the same time Jeremy said „Mi amor, I love you, I really do, but that was literally the most romantic thing you said in the past two years? That is way more romantic than ANY date you ever planned for me? Rude? The audacity?“

„Moi soleil, you don‘t have the ‚cult kidnapped me and tortured me‘ card you can pull, you get the bonus treatmeant of any other people. Besides I literally have matching tattoos with you? I drew you like multiply times? I wrote like a dozen poems and at LEAST one short story? I wrote you a fucking lullaby? You have no right to complain right now, or you‘ll loose your kissing privileges and I give them to Kevin“

„Eww gross“, Kevin mumbled.

„I don‘t remeber you saying that back in the Nest“, Jean replied, poking his cheek.

Kevin didn‘t have the energy to answer. It was a long day. Sleep could have him for the day. Death’s little sister might claim him for the night.

This night he dreamed about Aaron. Strong arms around his waist. Golden eyes locking with smaragd ones. They were on some lonely beach, kissing lazily while the water kissed their feet. It was a beautiful day. Not as beautiful as Aaron, but then again nothing would ever be as beautiful as this specific piece of art. Everything was alright. Everything was good. Why couldn‘t it be the real Aaron and the real Kevin on that beach.

At about noon Kevin woke up to a drooling Jeremy on his stomach and the smell of waffles and soft French swearing in the kitchen. Softly Kevin woke Jeremy up.

„Sorry I always end up on weird angles and drooling on random guys. Jean used to get so mad when I fell asleep in his lap. But you can‘t take him serious when he looks with you with heart eyes trying to be Mad, can you? Anyways we should probably go to him and help him? Oh wait hold on a hot second there. I‘m banned from the kitche, so we can sleep? Right? Right?“

„I hate to break this to you Jer, but it‘s noon. So, no we cannot sleep. You can choose my clothes, though. I know you love going through my stuff and playing dress the doll, Kevin Day edition“, Kevin almost smiled at Jeremy, when he looked up at him pouting.

Then he remembered another blonde boy, pouting at him when he told him no. Another constellation of freckles around another, straight, perfect nose. Sinful lips softly turned up, trying to look mad. Hazel eyes instead of ocean blue ones. Messy blonde curles, instead of soft badly dyed ginger ones. Strong arms instead of lean ones covered in flower tattoos. God, Kevin missed his Aaron.

No, not his. Not anymore

„Okay, but you have to wear to fab outfit I‘ll throw in your face“, Jeremy gave him another easy, toothy grin.

Slowly the other boy got out of bed and went over to the cabet. Slowly Jer went through Kevin‘s cloths. After a while he slowly turned around, holding a jersey that is obviously by far too small for Kevin in front of his face. „What is that? Why do you still have his jersey? Babe, you gotta get rid of that, rather sooner than later“

Jeremy had the weird habit of calling his friends babe, baby, dude or bro. Before Jean he called his boyfriends bro or dude as well, but Jean was so confused by it he quickly stopped doing it.

„First of all: I‘m a weak ass bitch, it smelled of it. And secondly maybe I wanna stab it once I‘m over the phase where I‘m like madly missing him?. I‘d just put it into a pillow, stab at it like a maniac and then set it on fire. I didn‘t grow up with a psychopath as my supposed best friend for nothing Jer“

„Okay? Well I got your clothes. And you‘ll look amazing, cause it‘s the FOX ONSIE I GOT YOU!!! I‘ll wear my onsie as well, and I‘ll force Jean to wear his one as well!! Much fun!! Much wholesome!!“

So that‘s how Kevin Day, queen of Exy, landed sandwiched between his childhood crush and long life crush on their couch, watching Downton Abbey with a plate of waffles on his lap. This was nice. He might had actually enjoyed it, if this wasn‘t his and Aaron‘s show. They used to watch it, cry over it together, make out while watching it.

Thank God didn‘t actually touch him while watching Downton Abbey, he was good at daydreaming. Kevin would just had preteneded that it was Aaron and he thought him breathing Aaron‘s name was the last thing any of them needed today.

After their Downton Abbey marathon they ordered pizza, against Kevin‘s better judgement. Another traditon Kevin shared with Aaron. At finals Aaron would often forget to eat and Kevin was too big of a mess to be bothered to cook so he would end up ordering something every single day and feeding it Aaron while he studied on the floor. Occasionally he would earn a soft kiss, growing hungrier when the night grew darker. God Kevin missed the soft lips on his own.

Kevin would have enjoyed the beach, wouldn‘t he be dressed in a fox onsie, holding hands with a 6“5 guy who looked like he both could and would kill you in a unicorn onsie holding two tiny dogs in his other hand and with a 5“4 dude in a matching unicorn onsie with two dogs that were almost bigger than him.

At least this didn‘t remind him on Aaron.

Well, actually. The way the ocean softly kissed the sand, reminded him of his dream. And of the endless trips to the beach, sleeping in the car, Aaron on top of him. Lazy kisses and warm hugs. It was the first place Aaron took Kevin after their rehab. It was the first night they spent together, as sober men. Well, not sober per se. But drunk and high on each others love. It might had been the most painful memory of the day. God he missed those strong arms around his waist.

Nontheless the pain got less, he felt almost numb. Kevin liked feeling numb. Nothing hurt when you feel numb.

The sunset was beautiful. It reminded him of golden hairs, freckles standing against golden skin, soft lips at his ears, his neck, the corner of his lips.

„Aaron you‘re supposed to look at the sunset, you shithead“, Kevin used to smile down at him. „But I‘m already looking at the most beautfiul thing this world has to offer“, Aaron replied smoothly, locking eyes with Kevin.

When the moon took the place of his long lost lover they decided to go back.

It was safe to say that no one dared to think that someone would wait for them there. Especially not the one person they tried to avoid by all means the entire day.

„You said to stop calling. Never mentioned face to face conversations“, a husky voice said. And Kevin‘s world stopped.

[pleom]

Hi :) May I request a fluff with kevin where you both like each other and the members rat him out pls? Thx

wc: 2.1k | CW: one (1) mention of weed

Saturday called your name. You had to wait painfully as the day dragged its feet through presentations and lectures. By the time the school day ended, you held no more excitement for the weekend as you sat in one of the university’s lounges waiting for your friend to drive you home.

All tuckered out from discussing and convincing your classmates of topics neither of you particularly cared about, you almost ignored Kevin when he approached you, phone two-inches from your face, headphones blaring in your ears at maximum volume, but then you remembered that he’s Kevin Moon, and when he’s got something to say, you listen. 

“Sorry to interrupt you there,” he started, and from his backpack he pulled out a small container of—, “Brownies. I had baked them this morning and wanted to give some to you as thanks.”

“Oh,” was all you squeaked out, though it wasn’t a sound of disappointment or even mild surprise. You had heard about Kevin’s godly baking skills, from the full mouths of those he generously gave them to. Usually his classmates, sometimes the professors, and it was enough to instill that hope that maybe you'll be one of  the receivers one day. Today, it seemed like an arbitrary gift. “Thanks for what?”

“For helping me with my group project.”

“Oh...Oh, yeah!” You gently took the container from Kevin’s hands. Soft confusion still lingering in your mind. “It wasn’t that big of a deal, I barely helped.”

“We got an A because of you!”

“Are you sure it was me? Because last I remembered, you guys did all the brute work, I just filled in the minor details.”

“Aren’t minor details the toughest part?”

You shrugged. You took a single brownie out of the container and put the rest in your bag. Kevin watched as you bit into it, humming a gleeful tune at the way you melted. It tasted even better than you expected. “This is too good to eat for free. How much do you want? Twenty dollars? Fifty?”

Kevin bit down a smile and waved his hand, sheepish. You noticed a brown mark on the back of his hand that wasn’t there the last time you saw him. You figured he must’ve burned himself. 

“You’re just gassing my head.” 

“No, I’m serious.” Kevin looked pleased to see you finish his brownie. “Did the others get some?”

The others being Sunwoo, Jacob, and Juyeon, the three who were assigned to the same project. You were actually called to help by Sunwoo, who pleaded and whined and bargained after your many attempts to say no, you had too much on your plate. Then, as a last resort, he began naming his teammates; guilted you with Jacob, tried to lure you in with Juyeon, and finally—the nail in the coffin—mentioned Kevin. You could imagine the cocky face Sunwoo must’ve had when he realized he had reeled you in. 

You gave up on trying to deny his accusations. You wouldn’t say you had a full-blown crush on Kevin Moon, but you were definitely fond of him in a way that could be described as infatuation. 

Now that the project’s done, you would see to Sunwoo’s promised reparations for the emotional damages he dealt. You were pretty sure he owed you five free milk tea bobas. 

“The others?” Kevin’s face contorted in confusion for a split moment, like he had already forgotten who had worked diligently on the project with him. He didn’t sound completely sure of himself when he answered, “yes, they did. I baked an extra large batch for everyone involved. Even gave some to the professor.”

“Is that why you have that burn mark?”

Kevin looked down at his hand before covering it with the other. “Oh, that. Yeah, this is what happens when you have an oven only as big enough as you can afford.”

“When I say I feel that…” You became increasingly aware of the dwindling topics to speak about, so before an awkward silence has time to settle in, you stand up from your seat and raise a hand for Kevin to shake. “My friend is probably waiting outside for me right now. Thank you again for the treat, really appreciate it! I’ll make sure to share some with her to spread the love around. Seriously, you should patent that recipe.”

“Learned from the best,” Kevin chuckled. “Thank you for helping. See ya later.”

“See ya!” And you were outside less than a minute later. 

Maybe you were the one that owed Sunwoo free drinks.

-

Saturday called and you answered, a bit more jubilant this time. Now that you had finished most of your homework and spent an hour cursing yourself to sleep over missed interactions with Kevin, you felt revitalized. 

You took the bus to Sunwoo’s dorm and let yourself in. On weekends, Sunwoo’s dorm room was rarely locked, considering that it took the name as the unofficial common room of the apartment building. Today, it was less crowded than usual, which to you was a relief. That meant there were less people you had to fight for access to Sunwoo’s computer. At times, you felt silly for acting so starved, but when you’re a broke college student with only one shitty laptop to your name, you had to take your graces as they came. 

Juyeon and Eric lied by the foot of the couch, competing with each other over some game displayed on Sunwoo’s TV. Sangyeon snacked by himself in the kitchen, and you spotted Changmin, Sunwoo’s roommate, quietly moving from room to room down by the hall. 

You decided to head into the kitchen first, whether to steal change off counters or food from the fridge. 

The fridge was destination number one, and frankly, it was empty. It was normally the usual sight, but you still had the faint taste of chocolate fudge on your lips that led you to ask, “you guys finished the brownies already?”

“What brownies?” 

“The ones Kevin made yesterday.”

“Ah, man, Kevin made brownies?!” Eric shouted from his seat. He screamed a second later, which was followed by Juyeon’s laughter, then rose to his feet to mirror you at the fridge door. “I told him to wait till Haknyeon gave me my $20 back! Can’t believe he made edibles and handed them out without me.”

“They weren’t edibles. Kevin made regular brownies for me, Juyeon, Jacob, and Sunwoo. Said it was because we worked on a project together due last Monday,” you said. You found a seat by Sangyeon on the kitchen island. Juyeon, who had set down his controller to stroll in after Eric, looked puzzled.

“Huh? Kevin didn’t give me any brownies.”

“Kevin made brownies? Where the hell is he?” Sunwoo barged loudly into the room thereafter, with mussed hair and grease-stained shirt and looking wholly comfortable up till he heard the commotion in the kitchen. He swept the room and the living room for signs of the boy, and brushed aside ingredients in the fridge for a confectionary he apparently did not receive. He came back empty-handed and confused; you were no different.

“Uh, didn’t you get them yesterday?” You asked. You were met with Sunwoo’s blank stare. “He said he baked them for all of you. I have a few left back at my house.”

“Yeah, as far as we know, there are none,” Juyeon peeped, though he didn’t look half as bothered as Sunwoo did.

“Are we sure you’re not playing us right now?” Sunwoo narrowed his eyes at you. He looked just about ready to kick you out. Changmin walked in, eyes wide but mischievous. It’s obvious that he’d been listening this whole time, and something in his gaze said that he knew much more than both of you, and that he was withholding it for the sake of drama. 

“Why would I lie?!”

“I dunno, to brag? To make us look like second-rate friends? You’re not even in any of Kevin’s classes!”

“Maybe he pulled a raffle…” Changmin said not-so-absentmindedly.

Sunwoo’s face was contorted with semi-offense. He patted his pockets before turning to dash down the hall to his bedroom, just in time for the front door to open and reveal the star in question. Kevin entered the room with exasperation etched clearly on his face. He didn’t seem to register you, his eyes glazing over people’s faces in search of one in particular.

Changmin, this time wide-eyed with panic, darted to hide behind the island.

“Hey, is Changmin here?”

“No!” Changmin yelled, slightly muffled. “But Changmin did relay a message. He said that he’s really, really sorry for any unfortunate events his actions may have caused. But he requests an extension on—”

“I’m too tired for this, Changmin. Just give me my—”

“Kevin, that burn mark still hasn’t healed?” You found yourself speaking without ever really considering what to say. You spoke on pure reflex, when Kevin came and leaned over the island kitchen with his hands curled around the edge, and the mark had turned less brown than inflamed red; the sight made you wince. 

“Is that…!?” Eric’s jaw dropped when he laid eyes on the same sight. He dramatically fell against one of the kitchen stools. “Oh man, he really did bake brownies without telling us.”

Sunwoo came back just in time to witness the climax of Kevin’s-secret-brownie-adventure story. Kevin looked like a deer in headlights. Changmin took the moment to crawl out from beneath the island to escape into his room. Sunwoo looked genuinely betrayed by Kevin’s arrival.

“Yeah, sorry bro, but that constitutes a two week ban from our place unless you pay us back in both brownies and cookies with interest.”

“I don’t even care about the brownies itself anymore,” Eric said, still curled up over a stool. “How come they got to have some but not us?”

Something about Eric’s question set something off in Sunwoo. Suddenly, his dramatics cooled down, and he looked at Kevin slyly. 

“No idea,” you said. At this point, as confusing as the whole thing was, you quickly grew tired of it. It became too much trouble for what seemed like a simple act of gratitude by Kevin, which was never out of character for him. And to top it off, now Kevin seemed to actively avoid looking at you, and the following disappointment was hard for you to swallow.

“I have some idea,” Sunwoo said, but he made no attempt to follow up on that statement. He sat down on one of the kitchen stools, pleased with himself.

“I do, too.” Juyeon said and sounded like he had an epiphany.  “I think Kevin must really like (Y/N) to be able to do that!”

Silence. All eyes in the room shifted from you to Kevin. Too scared to look directly at the boy himself, you peeked at him from the corner of your eye and saw the look of pure devastation on his face. Juyeon seemed oblivious to it all. Sunwoo, luckily, was there to reel it in. 

“Hey, Juyeon, can I borrow you for a second?”

“Gah!” Unfortunately, the damage had been dealt. Kevin hightailed it out over Sunwoo’s apartment with you hot on his tracks.

“Kevin wait!”

You found him sitting out on the apartment steps, face buried in his hands. He didn’t respond when you called out his name, nor when you sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. The sight broke your heart, so you thought of ways you could help soothe his panic.

Reaching down you pulled Kevin’s hand into yours, the one with the bright red burn, and massaged it with the pads of your fingers.

“To be fair, I don’t think Juyeon’s assessment really holds any weight, so please, don’t worry about it,” you said. Kevin took a while to respond, but eventually he lifted his head. He didn’t look you in the eyes when he spoke.

“It does though,” he sighed. “I was going to wait for the right time to confess.”

His words made you halt.

“Confess?” You shot up straight, dropping his hand into your lap. “Kev,  do you actually mean that?”

You watched as his ears and cheeks began to redden. He chanced a shy glance your way, and you could feel his fingers flex in your lap.

“Uh...depending on your reaction, hopefully…?”

Returning your hand on his, you pulled it closer to you. You traced around his injury, keeping an eye on his reaction in case he pulled back or winced with pain. Then, bravely, you interlocked both of your fingers and inhaled with relief when he tightened his grip. 

You did it all without ever breaking eye contact, and with a small smile, you asked, “do you want to give it a try at least?”

Kevin’s stress seemed to have dissolved from him completely then. He mirrored your smile.

In the back of your mind, you hoped Sunwoo wasn’t scolding Juyeon too hard.

----

me mentioning sangyeon in the kitchen once before dropping him entirely from the fic 🤡🤡 anyways anon thank u for requesting!! this was kinda cringe but also kinda fun to write so lol

[chloekwon-moved]

HOPES !

SUMMARY :: In which Chloe gets her hopes up. CHARACTERS :: Chloe Kwon, Kim Sunwoo, Han Jisung WORDS :: 2.2K WARNINGS ::  drinking, drunk characters, anxiety, implied sexual content ( if i missed anything let me know ! )

Chloe knew she was hopeless romantic and maybe just a bit too optimistic, but she couldn’t help the fact that she wanted to see the best in everything and everyone. It had gotten her into trouble in the past, the whole situation with her father making her just a bit wary of anyone for a while, but she couldn’t help the way that she trusted far too easily. She was always the one to fall too fast and too hard in her relationships and she just found it better to steer clear from them most of the time, it got her in far less trouble. That was until she met Sunwoo.

Chloe and Sunwoo had known each other by proxy for a little over a year before they actually became close to one another, Kevin and Felix being big reasons for that. They had seen each other at quite a few hang outs between fellow 2000-liners and had even greeted each other backstage when Chloe would sneak back into music shows to watch any of her friends performing. They were never close, but fate had seemed to keep them at arm's length from each other.

It wasn’t until Kevin invited Chloe over for a ‘friendly gathering’ as he called it, though that was really just an excuse for them to throw a rager celebrating their first win. Chloe wasn’t one to refuse a party, and she definitely wouldn’t say no when most of her friends were already invited anyway. 

The party wasn’t anything special, just a normal house party that Chloe had really only seen on TV before her hiatus, though she definitely wasn’t going to be giving up the chance at free booze, especially in a place she knew there would be no prying cameras around for once. The party lasted for what felt like hours and Chloe knew she was going to wake up with a massive hangover the next day and she didn’t realize the need to call it quits until she watched Chan try ITZY’s debut choreography, while being absolutely plastered. On any normal night, Chloe would have stayed and laughed with the rest of the crowd, but she could feel herself being sentimental and she knew she needed to get out. She put on the best fake smile she could manage (something that she had gotten incredibly good as since her hiatus had started) and pushed her way through the crowd, feeling a pair of eyes on her as she walked away, though she refused to look back to see who’s prying eyes they were.

She wandered around the dorm, hoping to find one of the bathrooms, which was always much easier to find in a sober state and while she was trying to keep her mind off of the many thoughts whirling in her mind. Chloe couldn’t stop herself from wondering about the what-ifs all the time, what if she hadn’t been a solo artist and she had actually debuted in a group like she had originally planned? She misses the bond that she shared with her close friends when they were trainees, the late night talks of them wondering if they would be able to stand on that stage together one day. Chloe wasn’t dumb, she knew there was no chance she would debut in TWICE when she was part of Sixteen, but she thought the promotions were about the group that would be formed after, not for her solo debut. Part of her always wondered if she had just been the one that they saved and kept for ITZY if she would be in the situation she was in now. Would her father still have tried to reach out? Maybe it would have happened, but it wouldn't have been when she was so young and impressionable where it left a mark on her that she can’t seem to shake, a mark that makes her scared of even stepping on stage again.

Chloe wasn’t sure how long she had been standing in the hallway, how long she had been lost in her own thoughts, when a hand came out and rested on her shoulder, making her jump slightly. She whipped her head around to see a concerned looking Sunwoo staring back at her. He said nothing, instead just pulled her into one of the rooms in the dorm, effectively cutting off a lot of the sound coming from outside, letting Chloe’s head finally clear just a bit.

“Are you okay?” he questioned lightly, keeping a good bit of distance between the two of them. Even from Chloe’s intoxicated state, she could tell that the boy was nowhere near sober with the way he was swaying slightly as he watched her. “Jisung saw you leave and he seemed worried.”

“I’m fine,” Chloe smiled. “The music just got a bit too much for me for a second there.”

Sunwoo nodded, but Chloe could tell that he wasn’t convinced, not in the slightest. “Do you want to talk about it?” he leaned forward slightly and smiled a bright, drunk smile. “I hear talking things out with an unbiased third party is a pretty good option.”

Chloe looked at him for a long, hard minute, trying to figure out if the boy was serious or not. She rolled her eyes and thought fuck it, the boy was probably drunk enough where he wouldn’t rememebr it in the morning anyway, and started spilling. She told him about everything involving her father and how she was so scared to step on stage again, maybe it was because she was out of practice, or maybe it’s because the last time she stepped on stage was what led her father to her, but she can never be too sure. She talked and talked about things that she was even too scared to tell her own mother or any of her closest friends and Chloe found out that for a drunk guy, Sunwoo was surprisingly good at listening. She also found out that it was nice to finally let it all out.

Sunwoo let her talk, only interjecting whenever he felt fit and even started to talk about his own problems and Chloe sat there and listened intently, happy to listen and even help if that’s what he wanted. Though Chloe found out quite quickly that Sunwoo liked to rant, let out his feelings without the thought of actually having to fix them.

The two stayed in the small cramped room, and honestly, Chloe wasn’t sure who’s room it was at this point, talking for hours. Somewhere along the way they dropped the rants and it turned into just funny stories about their childhood. Chloe was in the middle of the one time her mom had tried to bake a cake for her birthday, almost setting their small apartment on fire in the process, when Chan burst through the door, a concerned look on his face.

“Chloe! There you are!” he sighed, a bright smile that would have made fifteen year old Chloe swoon, adoring his face. “We’re about to head out, you wanna walk about with us?”

Chloe looked back at Sunwoo once more, seeing the boy look about ready to fall asleep sitting up, before turning back to Chan and getting up to her feet. “I guess so, Yerim would kill me if I stayed out too much longer.”

Chan nodded lightly, knowing the wrath of Chloe’s manager first hand when she stayed out at the studio far too late trying to keep Chan company as he stressed over songs for one of their comebacks. After that night, Chan was quick to pull the plug on things before it got too late.

“Bye Sunwoo,” she waved back at the other boy, smiling brightly. “See you later.”

Sunwoo nodded and pulled himself up to a bed that Chloe could only assume was his own as the other two made their way out the door. Chloe couldn’t stop the bright smile on her face and the small bit of butterflies in her stomach as she made her way back to her dorm, ignoring the strange glances from some of the other boys she was walking with.

Chloe’s not sure when their relationship went from casual talks and letting off steam  by ranting about their lives, to whatever they have now, but she’s not sure she’s complaining about it. Chloe knows what happened to turn them into this, getting a little bit too drunk one night, while talking about how hard it was to meet anyone as an idol (Chloe’s dating ban had just lifted and she was a bit frustrated), led to the slightly younger boy leaning in and placing his lips against hers. Chloe knew how it happened, but she’s not sure when it went from just friends to something more, when it went from one kiss to much, much more than that. All Chloe knew is that she was in far too deep and she wanted far more in this relationship than what she could only assume Sunwoo did.

There were times that Chloe was sure Sunwoo wanted the same thing as her. The late night chats, where Sunwoo would look at her like she was the only girl in the world. The sweet words he would whisper to her when they would fall into bed together. The times that he would initiate the two of them hanging out with each other. Those times everything felt so, so real and Chloe could feel her hopes rising with each smile from the slightly younger boy.

Chloe felt her hopes soar when Sunwoo offered to come and watch her comeback stage, saying he wanted to come and support two of his friends. Chloe never really asked her friends to come and support her stages, only a handful of them coming to visit in the years she had been in the industry, so to say that Chloe was excited to see Sunwoo sitting in the waiting room with her and Jisung, would be an understatement. 

“Chloe we have to head down,” Jisung’s voice rang through the room, causing Chloe’s eyes to finally move away from where they were trained on Sunwoo’s position as he played some game on his phone. Jisung had been uncharacteristically quiet today, rather than any of the days they had been recording and practicing for this comeback, Chloe just figured that he was nervous for recording without the rest of Stray Kids.

The older girl nodded, standing from her position, smoothing down the front of her dress as she made her way across the room.

“Good luck!” Sunwoo yelled out, smiling brightly, only causing the older to smile back at him as she made her way out the door.

The two walked quietly, all of Chloe’s backup dancers going up ahead of the two since they needed some final touch ups done on their makeup. “You nervous?” Chloe spoke up in the almost awkward silence that never seemed to fall over them before.

“Huh?”

“You just seem kind of out of it today, I thought you might be nervous,” Chloe shrugged.

“I mean I guess, don’t you get nervous before you perform?” he questioned, hitting his microphone against his hand.

“Not really,” she answered with a small shrug. “Only like big performances, I guess.”

“Shouldn’t every performance be a big performance?” Jisung questioned, tilting his head slightly. The thought made Chloe stop in her tracks, thinking it over just a bit longer. Jisung noticed her stop walking and turned to shoot her a questioning look.

“I guess so,” she smiled back at him, walking forward and grabbing his arm and pulling him down the hallway so they wouldn’t be late.

Coming down from the high she got from being on stage always took a few minutes. The performance had gone well, fantastic even, and it always was a rush to have a near perfect performance. Chloe had wasted no time pulling Jisung into a tight hug after the performance and Chloe wasn’t even sure if the camera had finished rolling or not (it hadn’t). 

They walked back to the waiting room all smiles and Chloe couldn't wait to see what Sunwoo had thought of the performance. Everyone was loud and excited, the feeling of a perfect start to the era lifting everyone’s mood.

The smile didn’t fall off of Chloe’s face until she saw Sunwoo exiting one of the many bathrooms in the building, a familiar head of deep green hair following suit. She could feel her heart fall into her stomach as she watched the two walk away from each other, not paying the large group of people just down the hallway from them, Sunwoo slipping out of sight and into Chloe’s waiting room.

Chloe felt a hand on her shoulder, rubbing it soothingly in an almost conforming manner, though she couldn’t find it in herself to be soothed by it. She could feel her heart breaking, cursing herself for getting her hopes up when she knew nothing was going to happen between them.

[aion-rsa]

What Went Wrong With Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze?

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The story of how Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles went from underground comic book to the highest grossing independent film of all time is the stuff of Hollywood legend. But ask producer Tom Gray about the sequel, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, and you are likely to hear an altogether different tale. One of a frantically rushed production, censorship backlash and a change of director and direction. Actors were replaced, there were clashes with the comic book creators and a series of strange and unusual characters were added to the mix – including Vanilla Ice.  

Gray was head of production at Golden Harvest, the Hong Kong studio behind martial arts classics like Bruce Lee’s Enter the Dragon, when comedian-turned screenwriter Bobby Herbeck first approached him about a live-action film adaptation of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s cult comics.  

It’s fair to say he took some convincing.  

“I hated the idea. I thought it was stupid,” Gray tells Den of Geek. Undeterred, Herbeck pestered Gray for months until the Golden Harvest chief had a sudden change of heart.   

“I had an epiphany and thought we could just put stunt guys in turtle suits and make all our money in Japan. That was why I was interested; making it low budget. It escalated when Steve Barron came onboard.”   

Barron had made his name with groundbreaking music videos for Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” and A-Ha’s “Take on Me” and sold Gray and TMNT creators Eastman and Laird on his vision for the movie.   

More importantly, he enlisted the late Jim Henson and his legendary Creature Shop to bring the Turtles to life using state-of-the-art animatronics, which came at no small expense.   

Even so, Gray found the project was a hard sell when it came to finding a major studio willing to distribute the movie.   

“George Lucas’s Howard the Duck had just come out and bombed,” he recalls. “When I went around people would say ‘oh no I’m not going to put my name on the next Howard the Duck. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, how absurd.’ Nobody wanted to step up in the major studios.”   

Undaunted by the mass rejection (“Hollywood is always the last to know”) Gray eventually secured a deal with New Line Cinema, then best known for A Nightmare on Elm Street. 

The rest, as they say, is history.  

That first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie came from nowhere in the spring of 1990 to make an astonishing $135 million, becoming a cultural phenomenon in the process. A sequel was inevitable but the results were anything but.   

“It was rushed,” Gray says when asked for his overriding feelings about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.  “Once the first film opened, we figured we had to get another one out as quickly as possible because this whole thing could fade away very quickly if we didn’t come back.”   

Incredibly, a release date for the sequel was set for almost exactly a year on from the original. That seems crazy to think now, in the era where the Marvel Cinematic Universe is carefully plotted out years in advance, but this was 1990 and New Line Cinema. At this point the production company which was working on its sixth Nightmare on Elm Street Movie in the space of just seven years. The quality of those films had varied wildly but one thing had remained consistent: the quick turnaround.  

“New Line wanted it out on pretty much the same date, maybe a week earlier in fact. So, we rushed into the production, got a script together. The overarching thing was speed. We had to get it out,” Gray remembers. “I think that’s probably the reason why it doesn’t top many people’s list of the best Turtles movies.”   

A Change in Tone

One of the first challenges facing Gray was a tonal one. While the first TMNT film had garnered praise for maintaining the dark and dangerous feel of the original comics, not everyone was happy.   

“We started getting some pressure from parental groups. They felt it was a little too dark and a little too frightening for children,” Gray says.  

In the US, there were reports of Turtles toys and merchandise being banned in schools over worries they encouraged aggressive behavior in kids. In the UK, the characters were even rebranded the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles amid concern among censors that the word “ninja” promoted violence. Michelangelo’s nunchucks were also banned. It wasn’t just the censors who expressed concern either.   

“The toy company was also telling us that maybe we shouldn’t be too dark,” Gray said. “And then, of course, then there was Jim Henson himself, who died while we were making the first film. His whole thing from the beginning was that he didn’t want to make a really dark film. Steve [Barron] was able to convince him it was the way to go even though it was different from the Muppets and everything he had done before. They had a great relationship. Jim trusted Steve.”   

The decision was made to approach the material with a lighter tone, with Todd Langen’s original script undergoing a major rewrite to address the change. Despite the change Gray insists an attempt was made to retain some of the darker elements.   

“We tried to get somewhere in between but probably didn’t succeed.”   

Ultimately, however, the looming deadline left little room for nuance.    

“If you sit down and think about this thing too much, you’re never going to get underway,” he reasons.

A New Director  

In another notable shift that fans have questioned down the years, Barron did not return for the sequel.  

The Irish filmmaker told Flickering Myth that the shift in sensibilities was the deciding factor.   

“[It was] lighter, and all the instructions that had gone on from the first film were coming from the producers about keeping the color and lightness and getting away from the dark edge in number two,” he said. “For me it was poppy, and that wasn’t my sensibility.” 

Gray tells Den of Geek Barron didn’t come back “for reasons that I won’t go into” but during the interview paints a picture of difficulties during their work together on the first film.   

“I fought with the crew every single day but they did a hell of a job. Budgets were not adhered to but I’ve always given them credit because of their vision,” Gray says.   

The producer also revealed that the first film was re-edited from Barron’s original version after his bosses were left unhappy with the director’s cut.  

“The studio did edit the film in the end to come up with a different version.  It was felt it was cut so you didn’t get to see the roundhouse kicks and fighting which was the hallmark of Golden Harvest. When the bosses saw it in Hong Kong, they complained that they couldn’t tell what the turtles were doing. They wanted to see these guys kicking and fighting. Steve’s style was good but we wanted another look.”   

Despite Gray’s diplomatic tone, it’s not difficult to imagine such developments might have created tension. In Barron’s place came American filmmaker Michael Pressman, who Gray knew from his days at United Artists.    

“What I liked about Michael was that he was a disciplined director. Having gone through the problems with the first picture I wanted someone who shot fast and stayed on budget. That was my main motivation,” the producer says.    

A capable director who has gone on to enjoy a long and varied career in television, little of the blame for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2’s failing can fall at Pressman’s feet though it’s undeniable that some of the creative spark of the first film was lost with Barron’s exit.   

So was much of the original’s violence, with the Turtles rarely shown using their weapons in the finished film while the action set pieces were also significantly watered down.  

Eastman and Laird

Despite the criticism levelled at the sequel for failing to retain the tone of the comics, all of what went into the movie was greenlit by the TMNT creators. Part of the deal inked by Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman saw them retain final approval on anything in the film. But that created other issues both at script and production level, as Gray recalls.  

“Kevin was certainly more malleable with going along with things because of the budget but Peter was very difficult to get things by because he would say ‘Oh, well Michelangelo would never say that’. So, it was very hard from the point of view of the writer trying to figure it all out.”   

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With Barron no longer around to mediate and sell them on the plans and with time ticking on, the pair’s reluctance to sign off on ideas led to increased tensions.  

“We argued a little bit,” Gray says. “These things are never sweet or nice. It gets down to what we can do and, in the time provided. It’s about compromise. In the end they approved Langren’s changed script.  Maybe it was reluctantly but we weren’t going to meet the demand and get this out if they kept changing things.”   

Tokka and Rahzar

One of the most noted criticisms of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 concerned the decision to introduce two new sidekicks alongside returning villain Shredder, rather than draw on the wild array of mutant animals that had featured in the comics and TV series. 

Many fans had expected to see Bebop and Rocksteady, the mutant warthog and rhinoceros supervillains made famous in the cartoon, feature. However, that cartoon outing proved both a blessing and a curse. 

“I didn’t want them in any of the movies,” Laird later revealed on his personal blog. “It’s not so much that I disliked the characters so intensely, but more that I found their constant one-note shtick in the first animated series to be extremely annoying and silly to the point of being stupid.”  

Gray’s version of events differs slightly.   

“We wanted new villains because we would get a piece of the royalty, which we didn’t have with the first movie. We figured if we created something they didn’t come up with we would get a piece of the pie. It was a business decision.”   

Together with the creatives at Henson’s Creature Shop, they “threw together” Tokka and Rahzar, a mutant Alligator Snapping Turtle and wolf respectively, based on pretty much whatever was available. 

“Those things were basically the Henson Creature Shop’s ideas, because they had to figure out, technically, what they could do, how big they were going to be and how they could move,” Gray says. “They had to design all this stuff, put someone in the suit and then wire them up or get the animatronics going to make it work. So, we just went to them and said we need a couple of villains.” 

Indeed, the resulting animatronics proved less complex and less compelling than the heroes in a half shell – and it showed on screen.   

“They were just big models,” Gray admits. “We cut corners, there’s no question about it.”   

Sweaty and Claustrophobic

Meanwhile, the turtle suits themselves had undergone little in the way of upgrades since the first film, when the actors playing the four leads experienced any number of issues. Not the least of which being the claustrophobia and sweating that comes with wearing up to 70lbs worth of turtle suit.  

The animatronics also, despite being state-of-the-art, continued to suffer their fair share of glitches.  

“We knew what the difficulties were and they were unbelievable,” Gray says. “There were days when we couldn’t even get these things set up.  We were filming right near the Wilmington Airport. We set up a shot and when it came time for action the Turtles would not speak. We realized they were on the same frequency as the airport.”    

Gray blames the lack of a major upgrade, in part, on the lack of additional budget.    

“The budget didn’t exponentially go through the roof, because of the speed,” he explains. “I have read things saying it was $20 million. It wasn’t, it was $16.5 million.”  

A New April O’Neil

Away from the animatronic issues, the human cast of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 proved a mixed bag.  Corey Feldman didn’t return to voice Donatello after pleading no contest to a drug possession charge while, more notably still, Judith Hoag was replaced by Paige Turco as April O’Neil.  

Hoag later told Variety she was never approached about the sequel, claiming her omission was a result of the fact she complained about the level of violence in the first movie and the six-days-a-week shooting schedule.  

“Everybody was beating everybody up,” Hoag said. “I thought the movie suffered because of that. It was something I spoke to the producers about, I think they thought I was too demanding, and moved on.” 

Not that Gray felt the production suffered as a result of either changes.  

“No, not at all,” he says. “Certainly not with Corey Feldman because it’s a voice. Remember when you play that movie around the world it will be in 40 or 50 different languages and subtitled anyway. It makes no difference and nobody overseas even knew Corey Feldman was doing a voice…With Judith, we thought it might be of concern but then again it’s all about the Turtles. People aren’t showing up for Judith – though she did a fabulous job – it was really all about the Turtles.”   

Elias Koteas also failed to return as the ice hockey stick-wielding vigilante and ally Casey Jones – though that was more down to the film’s shift away from adult themes and one of the more violent human characters.   

“Casey was discussed but the reason he dropped out – and I don’t think this was a major issue – was the direction we wanted to take the film,” Gray says. “We wanted to go lighter. That was part of cleaning up the act.”   

In his place came Ernie Reyes Jr, a rising martial arts star who had served as a stuntman on the first film and was introduced as Keno, a pizza delivery boy who befriends the turtles. It was a stark departure from Koteas’s character but, once again, it was one Gray says came with the backing of the TMNT hierarchy.   

“If Peter and Kevin had wanted Elias back, he would have been back. So, either we were able to convince them that we wanted to go with Ernie and they went along with it.”   

Vanilla Ice

Quite how they were convinced to include rapper Vanilla Ice in the proceedings is anyone’s guess, with the rapper turning up in a mid-film nightclub scene to perform new single “Ninja Rap.” His cameo continues to delight and horrify fans to this day. Few will be surprised by the commercially-minded circumstances that led to his appearance.   

“SBK the record label producing the soundtrack album said ‘You gotta have Vanilla Ice in this, he’s hot’ so we put him in…We had a good album out of it. Sometimes you don’t make the movie for the reason of art you make it because the thing could go away in a heartbeat. I’ve always been fairly honest and upfront about our motives. It is a business.”     

While others might disagree, Gray stands by the inclusion of Vanilla Ice in the film.  

“He actually did a very good job. He’s a very cool operative and he loved doing it.”   

Shredder or Krang?   

Looking back on the sequel, as much as anything, the most disappointing aspect was the decision to resurrect Shredder rather than explore different villains in the way other comic book franchises have.  

While Shredder has always been the main antagonist, as with Bebop and Rocksteady, there remained a plethora of colorful villain characters that could have been plucked from the pages of the original comic or the animated series. But the decision to stick with Shredder was not one takem lightly by anyone, and others were discussed.  

“We went through the whole catalogue of villains and certainly Krang and all these other characters were in play,” Gray says. “We thought of them but we stayed with what works and that’s what you do in these situations. Don’t try and get too clever.”   

As much as anything he blames the Hollywood system and a refusal to take risks. New Line too, would have no doubt been happy to press ahead with a Shredder-oriented sequel, seeing him as the TMNT’s very own Freddy Kreuger of sorts.  

“Nobody trusts their instincts,” Gray says. “You go with what worked before and try to modify it a little bit. If it works [and the plethora of Freddy sequels suggests it did] then you are justified in using the same thing over and over again.”  

Once again though the decision to stick with Shredder and avoid the kind of time and expense required to create something like Krang, a brain-shaped alien carried around in the waist of a robot man, was influenced by that release date.  

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze opened in theaters on March 22, 1991, less than a year on from the original. It went on to make over $78 million to become the second most successful independent film of all time.   

Despite turning a profit, the film garnered mixed reviews and left Gray and others disappointed.  

“It didn’t deliver on what we had hoped because there was this race against time to get it out one year after the first one. When you do that, you really have to compromise.”  

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III 

After the rush to make a second film, it was decided that they would take more time over the third one.  

But anyone hoping for a return to form was left disappointed by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles in TIme, which saw the gang head to 17th century Japan.  

“With number three, we were aiming something at the Japanese market, which was the number one market for foreign films,” Gray explains. “That’s why we had the time travel storyline with the samurais. That was definitely one of the motivations.”  

There was just one problem though.  

“We hoped it would get the film released in Japan. To this day, it has not been released in Japan.”  

Though Gray returned to produce an animated fourth film in the 2000s box office returns diminished with every film. By the time Michael Bay got involved in the franchise, Gray was long gone. He now considers himself “out of the turtle game” with this being one of the last interviews on the subject. But despite the highs and lows endured on the second film, Gray remains proud of what was achieved. 

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“These movies were made by committee. It’s amazing they turned out so well.”  

The post What Went Wrong With Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze? appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[lambychop]

Ultimate Horror Flick List

I know this isn’t usually my style, but 🎵it’s the most wonderful time of the year🎵

That’s right: it’s the spoopy month! Which means SPOOPY MOVIES

So I present to you:

IRONICENIGMA’S ULTIMATE HORROR FLICK LIST FOR ALL TYPES OF FILM LOVERS

1) For the Gore Hounds

•Saw series- the classic films for the guys who just wanna see some people get ripped to shreads (honestly, after the second one, they go downhill)

•Jigsaw- the more recent edition to the Saw series (this ones actually pretty good and FULL of gore)

•Hostel- Saw Studies Abroad (TM)

•Final Destination series- kinda a dumb one. The movies can be kinda dumb, but the kills are INSANE. Fun movies to watch with the gang

•Texas Chainsaw Massacre- you know it, you love it, I don’t gotta explain it

•Cannibal Holocaust- seriously messed up. Banned in multiple countries. It’s something special.

•The Midnight Meat Train- lesser known, kinda weird, super bloody

•Cabin Fever- gross disease makes you loose your skin. Nasty

•Wrong Turn- basically The Hills Have Eyes but with funner kills

2) The Classic Slashers

•Scream series- one of my faves. Classic story of small town teens with a killer on the loose. Lots of fun

•Friday the Thirteenth- do I have to tell you why this is here?

•Nightmare on Elm Street- Johnny Depp getting turned into a volcano of blood? I’m in.

•Halloween- can’t have Halloween without the movie that took the name, right?

•My Bloody Valentine (the original one)- one of my all time favorite movies. Creepy killer, great group of characters, great time

•Sleepaway Camp- infamous for its batshit ending. Kinda weird ngl, but a classic

•The Town That Dreaded Sundown- Based on a real killer. Oldie, but goodie

•Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon- different take on the slasher genre. Fun look into the life of a movie slasher

•You’re Next- badass female lead? Check. Masked murderers? Check. Family bonding? Uh sure okay

•I Know What You Did Last Summer- secrets are bad. Roll credits

3) Supernatural (demons, ghosts, etc)

•The Conjuring- it’s pretty popular, you know it

•Insidious- also popular. Moral: your body is a ghost hotel

•Sinister- classic demon: likes kids, likes brutal deaths, likes to appear in the background of pictures

•The Exorcist- obviously

•Lights Out- ghosts are scared of light, that’s all you need to know

•The Sixth Sense- not really scary. Actually pretty wholesome. In an “I see dead people” kinda way

•The Rite- priest Anthony Hopkins coughs up nails

•The Omen- aka don’t trust kids

•1408- haunted hotel room. Someone call the ghoul bois

•The Amityville Horror- based on true events. Well at least we know the murders were real and the house is creepy

•The Skeleton Key- Old People+Voodoo= bad time

•Haunting In Connecticut- also a “true” story. Don’t buy a house that used to be a morgue

•The Autopsy Of Jane Doe- boy bonds with dad over dead teenage girl

•Mama- moths are gross, ghosts are worse. Dead Mom from Beetlejuice, but now a movie

•Rosemary’s Baby- dont trust thy neighbor

•The Shinning- classic. That’s all I’ve got to say

•The Orphanage- again: creepy kids

•Stir Of Echos- Kevin Bacon sees ghosts. Must I say more?

•The Others- haunted house story with a twist ending

4) Creature Features

•Trick ‘r Treat- classic Halloween film. Fun, creepy, iconic

•The Ritual- camping trip turns bad. Monster looks really cool

•A Quiet Place- you’ve probably seen it. Jim from the office speaks sign language

•The Babadook- children’s storybook is not kid friendly

•Backcountry- bears are dangerous

•Alien- you’ve seen this already but it needs to be here

•The Descent- dont watch if your claustrophobic

•An American Werewolf In London- also a fave. Best werewolf movie ever made

•The Monster- lesser know, actually pretty good

•The Thing- classic. Super good. Based on a short story. No one can be trusted because you don’t know if they’re even them

5) Horror Comedies

•Zombieland- hysterical. Bloody. Great cast

•Cabin In The Woods- this movie is insane. Combine every horror monster ever, the Illuminati, and the Office- that’s this movie

•Shaun of the Dead- the classic horror comedy

•Scary Movie series- less horror, ridiculous comedy

•This Is The End- again, like no horror, but one of the funniest films ever

6)Found Footage (not a great genre, but some can be pretty entertaining)

•The Blair Witch Project- basically the king of the found footage films. You’ve seen it

•The Conspiracy- the Illuminati is real and they don’t like to be filmed

•Paranormal Activity series- kinda annoying to horror fans. Relies on jump scares and the characters are idiots. But if I’m doing a section on foud footage, this has to be here

•Creep- okay this movie actually really disturbed me. People are absolutely insane. Don’t meet up with people from Craigslist

•V/H/S series- basically a anthology of short horror films. Kinda fun

•Apollo 18- the government faked the moon landing because they found some crazy shit

•The Sacrament- Jonestown caught on camera

•As Above So Below- Paris Catacombs are wack

•Grave Encounters- what if Ghost Adventures actually found ghosts

•Unfriended Dark Web- lets be honest: the first one sucked. Second one is actually not bad. Take away the ghosts, add the black market

•The Poughkeepsie Tapes- lesser know, can be hard to find. Really disturbing. Basically watching a serial killer tape his crimes

•Cold Ground- Set up to look just like it’s out of the seventies. It’s pretty fun

•The Last Exorcism- priests are liers

•Quarantine- English version of [REC]. I wouldn’t say it’s great, but it’s something

•Hell House LLC.- kids set up a haunted house. People die

•The Houses October Built- again with the haunted houses. Don’t trust em

•The Bay- Cabin Fever but found footage-y

•Willow Creek- y’all gotta leave Bigfoot alone

•Lake Mungo- girl drowns, family sees her ghost. No jump scares with this one, like most found footage. Mostly just a family in mourning

•The Tunnel- if the government says to stay out, STAY OUT

•The Taking Of Deborah Logan- alzheimers itself is awful to go through, but let’s add some more spooks

•The Possession Of Michael King- another possession film? Yep they just keep comin

•The Last Broadcast- suspicious murder of tv hosts

6) Family Fun

•Hocus Pocus- okay obviously

•Beetlejuice- dark humor in a “kids” film. Most of the comedy caters to adults, but it’s an awesome film

•Corpse Bride- guy accidentally marries dead girl. Wholesome family fun

•The Nightmare Before Christmas- my fave Disney film. Super cute

•Frankenweenie- dead dog=goodest boy

•Paranorman- sixth sense but now for kids+zombies

•Coraline- Might scar some small children, but I loved it when it came out when I was 8

7) Psychological

•Midsommar- happy cult family holds a festival

•Funny Games- home invasion movie done well. No cheap thrills, just some sadistic shit

•The Strangers- dont answer the door for people wearing masks when it’s not Halloween are you crazy

•The Perfection- artistic, bloody, absolute mind fuck

•Gerald’s Game- sexy time turns not good

•Unsane- imagine being stalked and no one believes you. That’s the premise

•Triangle- ummmmmmmm wtf is happening what time is it??

•It Comes At Night- trust is bad. Paranoia is good.

•The Silence of the Lambs- my personal favorite film. Serial killer helps rookie detective find another serial killer

•Jacob’s Ladder- Vietnam vet struggles with EXTREMELY terrifying visions

AND THERE YOU GO. I have seen plenty more, so if you don’t see one you’d like on this list, hit me up with what kinda movie you’re lookin for and I’ll hook you up amigo

[okimargarvez]

REVERSE - 1

Original title: Reverse.

Prompt: Penelope is the new girl on the BAU team and Luke tries to treat her cold.

Warning: A.U., possible OOC.

Genre: drama, romantic, family, friendship.

Characters: Luke Alvez, Penelope Garcia, BAU team, Derek Morgan, O.C. Sam Cooper’ team, Roxy.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot 62 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 💑😘👓🔦🐶❗🎲🎈👻🎬🎵.

Song mentioned: Amici per errore, Tiziano Ferro.

Reverse- Masterlist

GARVEZ STORIES

Note: I written the whole story in just two days; yeah, I’m not normal. It was funny (but also not so easy) re-writing their main scenes and dialogues imagining that the situation was reverse: she the new girl, he with the team since… the beginning.

1 # In no way I would like to be elsewhere, that’s why I’m still here

About a month had passed since Christine left to follow her husband to another city. He couldn’t really blame her without feeling selfish: in her place he would probably have done the same. Not only had Rich risked dying from one of the madmen they were chasing (as had happened to Hotch, with a less positive ending), but at that moment she was actually pregnant. It had hurt him, that she hadn’t told him, to have to find out in such a brusque way. He was her best friend after all. Perhaps for a while, before Rich, he had even hoped for something more.

Her absence was not only noticeable in his heart, but much more practically when it came to solving a case. Hotch had called Kevin Lynch, with whom they had collaborated in previous years, but who for some reason he had never really liked him. Then, about a week ago, however, the man had announced that he was needed elsewhere and so his historic ex-girlfriend had replaced him (in the Bureau the gossip went wild, there was no concept of privacy): Penelope Garcia, the star of the behavioral analysis team led by the unscrupulous Sam Cooper.

Of course, he had already heard of her, not just through rumors. She was definitely the best in her field (as much as it bothered him to admit it, because he seemed to be doing wrong to Chrissie). Probably the best in the entire FBI or perhaps even in the world, without exaggerating. Someone said that CIA has banned her from its archives. Top level hacker, like any good computer technician. Even Agent Oller idolized her in a way he never really understood, since they were almost peers. Not before he meets her in person.

But there were other voices circulating, of another kind. Epic stories, almost to compete with the Arthurian and Carolingian cycles. With a co-star: Derek Morgan. The nicknames they had given themselves (and that people had added, as the wireless phone tour continued) were wasted. Her lines were at least as famous as her speed in finding the address of a suspect found untraceable. It had happened to him sometimes to meet Agent Morgan at the shooting range. He had wondered what was in her and was about to find out, at his price.

The elevator doors open halfway. The solitude in which Luke Alvez has taken refuge is about to be broken by a blond hurricane. -Hello!- Garcia exclaims enthusiastically, getting on board and positioning herself too close for his tastes. It is as if the lone wolf that was before joining the BAU had returned after Christine’s departure. Although his eyes remain fixed on the reflective steel surface, his nostrils cannot avoid capturing her perfume. The first time he saw her he was bent over studying a file; Hotch appeared on the balcony, calling them to the meeting. And he glimpsed at her backside, beginning to understand Morgan. Then the big boss made the presentations one by one. She was dressed in such an indecent way… not so much for the clothes, even JJ occasionally allowed herself something low-cut… and also Chrissie. But for the bright colors. He remembers what he thought at the time. But it would have been proven wrong more than once. Because her perfume is not at all exaggerated, strong and annoying as expected. Indeed, it seems an almost natural and damn stimulating aroma.

He erases the last thought and forces himself to be at least polite. His mother and grandmother would otherwise scold him, even if they have no way of finding out. -Good morning.- he replies, with a cold, distant and professional tone.

Because of the silence he can hear Garcia take a breath before opening her mouth. But he knows she won’t be able to hold herself; she can’t help it. She is certainly the least formal creature of the FBI. And Chrissie would love her. -How was your week-end?- here she is. Luke remembers how difficult it was to be grumpy and unkind when he shook her hand. Surely it would have been easier to hate Lynch for no reason… but he was a man. The overlap was not working.

He feels the woman’s gaze on him. Those brown eyes so dark and penetrating, as well as so large and apparently innocent, covered by a pair of fuchsia glasses, naturally paired with the flower in her hair and the three-quarter jacket. He cursed himself for being so adept at noticing a great deal of detail in no time. He may even feel her expectation while she is patiently waiting for him to answer. -I don’t see why I should talk to you about it.- he chooses to continue with the farce of professionalism. But then, despite Garcia continuing to keep quiet and good, he feels driven by an external force to add a detail. -But if you really insist…- he turns for the first time towards her, instantly catching her eyes. -I stayed with my girlfriend, who is beautiful and loves me.- inside he laughs deeply, because she can’t know he’s talking about his dog. It doesn’t seem to have been added to his file.

-Oh, fantastic!- her reaction, sincerely enthusiastic, confirms that she has fallen for it. Naivety is another of the things she is famous for. This often made her the victim of her team’s (light) jokes. He feels a little bad in taking advantage of her weakness, but if it helps to make her understand that with him he doesn’t work, that she won’t be able to become his friend… Garcia looks at him again, without any shame. -And you stayed at home or…- apparently not, he will have to play it heavier. He sighs.

He doesn’t even shake his head. -No, we went for a walk in the park.- he smiles maliciously, reflecting on how easy it is to exchange Roxy for a woman. -She loves it.- he adds. -What about your weekend?- he asks, considering that only one floor is still missing before they reach theirs. But has this elevator always been so slow, or is it doing it on purpose? Everything conspires against him.

She speaks with much more tranquility. Of course, she hasn’t lost her best friend. -I stayed at home with my boyfriend.- Luke feels a pang of annoyance at that answer, but doesn’t want to believe it’s the thought that she can’t have an affair. Kevin is proof of that, isn’t it? It seems to him that they have been together for about five years, back and forth. Of course it was JJ and Chrissie who talked about it all the time, they love the internal gossip. He has never been a superficial type and Garcia has all the credentials; her curves certainly don’t leave men indifferent. -It helped me improve my fingering techniques…- she continues, then realizes the way he is now looking at her. Eyes wide open and narrowed in amazement. Yet he knew it would happen. She is also the undisputed queen of double meaning. It seems that this time however it was not wanted. -On my clarinet!- she then adds, almost screaming. She defends herself with too much emphasis, the skin of the face even paler. -I swear, I meant the musical instrument.- finally, she seems to succumb and he is even sorry.

But not from the outside. Luke, on the other hand, chuckles, nodding, amused by the situation, he can’t help. As he wonders if Agent Morgan has ever been able to test the skill of her fingers. -There is no need to get agitated.- he says, but it doesn’t sound reassuring at all and in fact he didn’t want to be. -Whatever you do in your spare time, this is only about you.- he is amazed at the ease with which such nonsense comes out. Then he feels the cell phone vibrate in his pants pocket, just in time, even if he hasn’t programmed it. He extracts it and looks at the familiar message. -And, sorry- how damned fake he is! -but we have an important case.- without looking at her once, he goes down the elevator first. Really not very gallant. -Have a good day.- he adds as compensation.

-Wait!- she shouts after him. He hears the sound of her heels as she tries to reach him. -I can also play the ukulele.-

—————————

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[askovertherainbowblog]

Do you ever feel like your government is actively working to institute a theocracy right under your very nose, and all anyone can seem to do is tweet? (I’m not knocking the art of the well-placed tweet, by the way. Case and point the account pictured above.)

Here’s what’s going on in my part of the world, which is Alberta (Commonly known as the bible belt of Canada):

The recently elected UCP (United Conservative Party #UnderHisEye) has, by its inaction, effectively canceled a work group dedicated to eradicating the insidious and abusive practice of “reparative” therapy for LGBT+ persons. Minister of Health Tyler Shandro has claimed on twitter that he told the group they were welcome to continue meeting. However, according to Emma Graney of the Edmonton Journal, his office released a statement that “The working group has disbanded with the change in govt.” AKA, they’re pretending the group (which included a survivor of conversion therapy) doesn’t merit focus because conversion therapy/torture “doesn’t happen here.”

If you dig a little deeper, you’ll see this simply isn’t true. Of course, nobody is coming right out and calling their services conversion therapy. That would be bad PR. The practice is couched in the language of soul-searching, healing trauma, and respecting individual faith. Alberta survivor Kevin Schultz was undergoing private faith-based counseling to realign his sexual orientation as late as 2007. Journey Canada, formerly Living Waters, which claims to help folks “experience Jesus in their sexuality” (kinky?) still operates across Canada.

If anyone is in doubt, the Human Rights Campaign and the Canadian Psychology Association can shed light on why conversion therapy/counseling of any kind is deeply damaging and can even be life-threatening.

The previous NDP government at least gave the appearance of caring about the LGBT community. The UCP gives the appearance of wanting to give the appearance of caring. In any case, I kind of wonder, why not just oh I don’t know BAN CONVERSION THERAPY AS IF WE WERE A CIVILIZED 21ST CENTURY SOCIETY? The UCP certainly hasn’t shied away from taking bold action on controversial issues (eg. lowering minimum wage for minors like a bunch of literal cartoon Scrooge McDucks).

This conversion therapy fustercluck is one move in an alarmingly swift series of policy change plans the UCP has begun rolling out since April of this year. They have also pledged to remove key protections afforded to GSA’s (Gay-Straight Alliances, common “safe space” organizations for LGBT students found in secondary schools). This means teachers could, at their own discretion, be permitted to notify parents if their child joins a GSA. This would obviously defeat the whole purpose of GSA’s and put children at greater risk of abuse at home.

When urged to consult experts on why this was such a monumental mistake, and questioned about the purpose of his party’s decision, premier Kenney had this to say:

"I think it would be very rare [for parents to be notified]," Kenney said. "Probably only [when] dealing with very young kids or kids with unique emotional and mental health challenges."

AKA, he has no idea what the repercussions could be and is speaking in “likelihoods” like some kind of fiendish gremlin under a bridge, desperate to grant you three wishes whose loopholes will ruin your life. (PS: Back in 2006 Kenney bragged about working to repeal a spousal law that allowed gay men to visit their dying partners in the hospital during the AIDS crisis. So that’s the attitude we’re dealing with here.)

If you’re curious about what other draconian policies the UCP has lurking just around the corner you can read up on their full platform, which includes such gems as scrapping the carbon tax, pausing the K-12 curriculum review, pushing for more private health care options, and something ominously called the “climate war room.”

If you, like me, are having some serious Handmaid’s Tale flashbacks right now, you’re not being overdramatic. The erosion of minority and women’s rights at the hands of backsliding democracies worldwide is not some fad. It’s a real thing that is happening all around us while shiny apps are being pelted at us as a distraction.

So let’s move on to what can actually be done. Before I list some ideas, I want to cover a few key points. We’re often advised, as constituents of a district or riding, to take action by writing to our political representatives! Here’s why I think that’s a waste of time: the current political climate is extremely polarized. It’s a buzzword because it’s true. If your MLA is conservative, and you write them a letter urging them to see things your bleeding-heart liberal way... well, why would they care? You’re not even a part of the voter base they’re targeting, and they know it. They don’t need your support. Alberta voters skew overwhelmingly right-wing already.

My advice is to follow the money.

A PAC (Political Action Committee) is an organization that pools campaign contributions from members and donates them to campaigns for or against candidates or legislation. Shaping Alberta’s Future is a PAC whose stated aim is to promote a conservative Alberta with Kenney at the helm. In 2018, they raised a whopping $170,000 in two weeks to fund UCP ads. Their financial disclosure documents are pretty lengthy and can be confusing if you don’t know what you’re looking for. That’s why I’ve broken down the info into a list of the major 5-figure contributors, all (you’ll be bowled over with shock to learn) men, most of them members of the Motor Dealership of Alberta for some reason.

For those of us who live in Alberta/Canada, that means we can do the following:

HERE is a link to a form letter addressing major donors to Shaping Alberta’s Future, politely urging them to bring matters of LGBT youth safety to the government’s attention.

HERE is a link to a list of specific donors, their contact information, and contribution amounts. This info can be filled into the indicated sections on the above letter.

Simply print, sign, and mail the letters to the addresses provided. Postage should be fairly inexpensive but if it’s an issue, take a photo of your signed letter and Canada Post receipt and I’ll etransfer you the value of your postage (within reason, guys!). If you can’t access Google drive, I’ll copy the letter to you by whatever method you prefer.

If you’d like to add information to the above list, or offer a correction, please message us or email askovertherainbowblog@gmail.com.

Additional things you can do (from anywhere):

Spreading the word always helps. Set up an email list or reddit thread. If you’re Albertan, print ten extra letters and ask a few friends to sign them. Pride month is just around the corner: bring a sheaf of letters with you to a parade and throw them in the air like confetti. (You’ll probably get some free condoms for your trouble; nice!)

Donations are not possible for everyone but if they’re possible for you, Youthsafe.net has a list of organizations that could use your support.

Stay vigilant. Read full articles covering both sides of the issues you’re investigating, and investigate in turn the veracity of your sources. Read posts from people you don’t agree with and, as infuriating as it is to have your person-hood invalidated by pseudo-scientific doctrine, pause to digest other points of view before formulating a vitriolic response. I’m not advising moderation (fuck moderation) but I am advising strategy.

Pursue local involvement. It’s tough to sit in front of a news cast in rural Canada and watch women in Alabama have their reproductive rights stripped from them, knowing a small donation to the ACLU is probably the most you can do short of upending your life to go on a march, and that won’t even move the needle much. But everyone, everywhere where voting happens, can march into a town hall and make their voice heard when it comes to the bullshit in their own community. The people around you want to get involved; they’re just not sure how to do it. Give them a means and they’ll stand beside you!

xoxo

[clexa--warrior]

Hey, Have You Heard About This Coronavirus Thing? Crazy Shit, Right? (Ferret/Shower Cap)

History texts depicting this period will read like deranged Choose Your Adventure books written by sadists; no matter how frantically you flip backwards, you just can’t seem to find the page when you still had the option to vote for the really smart lady with the email server. Anyway, join me for a quick news round-up, it won’t take long, and when we’re done, I give you permission to run away to join a roving Thai monkey street gang.

(As always, find this post WITH nifty news links here: http://showercapblog.com/hey-have-you-heard-about-this-coronavirus-thing-crazy-shit-right/)

For those of you just waking up from a Rip Van Winkle nap, the United States is facing a massive, coast-to-coast, health crisis, whose tragic consequences have exploded exponentially because our Idiot Manchild President really believed, in that churning campground septic tank he calls a mind, that protecting his personal approval ratings by understating the problem was more important than the health and safety of the American public. I don’t know what you can call that but murder. On the one hand, it’s weird to say “wow, the President murdered a bunch Americans through boneheaded, unforgivably selfish, neglect,” but we already saw him get away with precisely that crime in Puerto Rico, so here we are.

Now, I have come to expect malice from the federal government under Hairplug Himmler, but sometimes their capacity for raw, senseless, evil still shocks me. This is my way of saying that, until they got fucking caught, the Department of, and Someone Should Slap the Word Out of Their Filthy Mouths, Justice attempted to remove CDC fliers offering potentially life-saving information regarding the coronavirus from...immigration courtrooms. My God. What a small but potent horror. Feels like the work of an ambitious intern in Stephen Miller’s office, doesn’t it? Trying to impress the boss? Just a sinister little trick, to spread a little more pain, a little more misery, a little more death in an already vulnerable, and whatta-coincidence-nonwhite, community? Fuck these awful, awful, people.

It seems President Liposuction Clinic Dumpster has been calling up leading Taliban terrorists on a secret U.S. kill-or-capture list, presumably to trade tips n’ tricks on how to undermine the USA at home and abroad. Now, negotiating with these murderous dirtbags is a big diplomacy no-no (and of course Donnie Dotard got rolled anyway) but in all honestly, if I had access to a secret kill list contact sheet, I’d probably give in to the temptation to make some prank calls. “Is your refrigerator running? Yeah? Are you sure it’s not a FLEET OF DRONES ABOVE YOU RIGHT NOW?”

For Jeff Sessions, the wages of sin turned out to be a faceful of Trump-branded fecal matter, as the Candycorn Skidmark, whose campaign Ol’ Beauregard embraced way back before fascism was cool in conservative circles, endorsed his opponent in the coming Alabama Senate runoff. How must it feel to have been the very fellow who flipped the switch on the Rube Goldberg/Mousetrap Board Game device that destroyed America, and to watch the machine work its destructive magic for years, only to realize it’s also got one special crotch punt in store for just you personally. I’d feel bad for Bilbo Bigot, if it he weren’t, y’know, one of the very worst people alive.

Alex Jones got arrested for drunk driving, and, upon his release, got right back to work selling...sigh...selling some bullshit toothpaste that he’s telling the rubes magically cures the coronavirus. Authorities are cracking down on Jones and fellow charlatan Jim Bakker over their odious snake oil peddling enterprises, but I don’t know what’s more shocking and disappointing to me, that there are such vile fuckwads in the world, who seek to profit off the fear of the misinformed during times of crisis, or that said fuckwads have so many blind, willing, disciples?

Speaking of fuckwads, Ron Johnson seems to have backed down, for now at any rate, from his quest to stage a show trial for Hunter Biden in the U.S Senate. And that’s awesome and all, but never forget how ready, how eager, RoJo has been, to corruptly manipulate the vast powers of the government for his democracy-stomping Turdlord’s political benefit. Ron is the kind of fellow you’d have found stamping documents outside trains bound for Dachau.

But yeah, I suppose the big story is still that coronavirus thing. Great choice on evolution’s part, the way symptoms don’t necessarily manifest right away, so we can spread that shit around without knowing we’re even infected. Anyway, I made sure to thoroughly disinfect tonight’s blog before posting, and medical professionals inform me that though the virus can linger on plastic and metal surfaces for as long as days, it cannot survive on a poo joke, so please rest easy, knowing you can safely consume this content in comfort. Unless you're reading it next to somebody with the coronavirus, but that's on you, kid.

The Shart Administration has actually slowed progress in this crucial fight, by classifying high-level coronavirus meetings, because they’re more worried about congressional oversight of their crimes n’ fuckups than they are about OUR LIVES, and y’know what, I do believe I’ll be voting Democrat this November.

And of course, many conservatives are more concerned with blaming the virus on the Chinese than preventing its spread; by gum, there’s no need to abandon yer principles, even when your ineptitude is getting countless folks sick and/or killed! “We may be a cabal of dangerously incompetent assclowns, but let none forget that we are also RACIST assclowns!”

With the stock market finally catching up to the rest of the world in noticing a pudding-brained twit had inexplicably been placed in charge of the most powerful nation in history, Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot oozed into the Oval Office for a prime time speech, and if his goal was “fuck up the entire world as much as humanly possible in ten short minutes,” then he succeeded beyond his wildest imaginings.

It was a speech that completely failed to reassure, instead reminding the world that this drooling manbaby, this bathtub drain hair clog in an ill-fitting suit, truly is President of the Entire United Fucking States, and not only is he light years out of his element but he’s probably spending most of his time practicing his “the world is ending, you have to go out with me now” phone call to Salma Hayek rather than pursuing desperately-needed solutions.

Despite being on teleprompter, with the text of the fucking speech right fucking in front of him, Dorito Mussolini somehow managed to catastrophically misrepresent his own administration’s policies, dropping one more cartoon anvil on the stock market’s already-throughly-bludgeoned ballsack. This is, of course, on top of nonsensical non-solutions like banning travel from Europe, when the virus had already had weeks to spread throughout the country thanks to presidential bungling and neglect.

For 73 years, this cretin has somehow never encountered a problem he couldn’t lie, buy, or bully his way out of, but COVID-19 doesn’t care how much money your daddy gave you, little man. And may I say, on behalf of the thousands who are about to become sick, fuck you. Fuck you eternally with a rusty shovel, for daring to take on such an important job without the skills, temperament, or character to execute its duties. Asshole.

In contrast, Smilin’ Joe Biden gave a speech of his own; calm, collected, solemn, and filled with concrete steps to address the problems facing the nation. And America collectively went, “Oh right, it’s actually highly abnormal to have a gibbering, rectum-mouthed, dolt for a President, and we can actually have a decent, competent, one again! Soon!” It was like leadership porn. I got aroused.

Meanwhile, our already-hopelessly-overmatched Golf Cheat in Chief is multitasking, lobbing missiles at Iran-backed militias in Iraq. I’m just hoping the buttons on his desk are clearly labeled, y’know? Or at least that there’s somebody hanging around who can tackle him before he bombs Seattle and launches 500 respirators at Tehran.

So, um, in the midst of this once-in-generation shitstorm, I guess Sarah Palin dressed up in a bear suit to perform “Baby Got Back” on a reality television program. I’m not a religious person, honestly, but I’m increasingly open to the idea that there is a God, and that s/he’s been on a meth bender since mid-2016.

Social distancing is the zany new anti-dance craze sweeping the nation as we all do our damndest to not get sick and die! As a result, public gatherings are getting called off left and right. March Madness, MLB, NBA, PGA, SXSW, Broadway...personally, I don’t think I fully appreciated the scope of this crisis until I saw the XFL shut down their season. Like, are we even America anymore without one billionaire’s sad attempt to reboot his once-failed vanity project?

As sensible organizations all over the world made painful but obviously necessary sacrifices to, y’know, slow the spread of a deadly disease and save lives, naturally the Velveeta Vulgarian was among the last holdouts, canceling his precious hate rallies only grudgingly, because the safety of even his own fervent base is secondary to the sugar rush of their rageful cheers, filling, if only for a moment, that empty space within him where most people have a soul.

Now more than ever, I am brimming over with gratitude that we took the House back in 2018. Thank god there’s a little leadership, a little accountability, a little common frickin’ sense in Washington now. And thank god for Katie Porter, one of the standouts in a freshman class packed with absolute ass-kickers, cornering the CDC chief into exercising his legal authority to make coronavirus testing free for every American. Imagine if Kevin McCarthy were running the House right now. He’d be fleeing from reporters, in mismatched loafers, trying to sell the public on a bill bailing out nothing but Trump University and Marm-a-Lago.

Well, the Emperor of Hemorrhoids finally buckled and declared (acknowledged) a state of emergency over the coronavirus, which is admittedly a pleasant change from his previous “do everything I possibly can to help the fucker spread” position. We’re still woefully behind, and god only knows how deeply the virus has penetrated while the doddering old bastard diddled and dawdled, but the good news is, the President of the United States finally moved his bloated ass out of the road so we can get to work cleaning up his mess, which is, I suppose, as close to an act of kindness as he’s come in his entire misspent, treacherous, life.

In the middle of today’s press conference, Vice President Mike Pants paused to give Boss Turdworm a rhetorical handjob seemingly designed to last through an entire 14-day quarantine. Jeeeeesus. Mikey Hairshirt was a man once. Not much of one, to be certain, but at least he didn’t have to worry about the possibility of bored schoolchildren pouring salt on him, which would of course prove swiftly fatal in his current state.

A reporter asked Government Cheese Goebbels, “Hey, if you’re not too busy fellating yourself over fucking up slightly less than you’ve been fucking up for weeks, why the fuck did you close down the pandemic office, you nation-wrecking clod?” and he whinged that the question was “nasty,” before reiterating his refusal to take responsibility for the things that are, objectively, his fault. I truly do not understand how this trembling coward’s approval rating isn’t 0%

So Nancy Pelosi spent the week trying to hammer out an emergency bill with Steve Mnuchin, but Republicans naturally balked at many necessary measures. It’s a tricky spot for the GOP; they can’t risk the mass-extermination of the underpaid labor/consumer force that keeps their donor class filthy rich, but doing anything to improve working folks’ lives is just instinctually anathematic to them. But at the time of posting, it does appear as though a deal has been reached, let’s hope no spray-tanned morons fuck it up, right?

In conclusion, I am sick of typing the word “coronavirus,” and you are sick of reading it, so let’s let’s all retreat to our quarantines for the weekend, okay? Enjoy the solitude! Read that novel you bought back in college! Watch that 425-minute Russian film set in a fish cannery! Hey, you can even peruse the archives at showercapblog.com if you feel like reliving just how the fuck it all came to this! Anyway, if you don’t hear from me for a bit, fear not, I’m turning production of this blog over to Jared Kushner, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

[siverwrites]

Press Start Letter

AO3: Siver

There are some pretty big groups here, so there’s just a mix of things I like and prompts if you want them. As long as the DNWs are avoided it’s all good. Really can’t go wrong taking anything from my Likes list. A lot of found family vibes happening in this batch so anything in that vein in particular is great.

All requests are for fic or art. Art: Interactions of some sort: emoting at each other, talking, sharing some activity, taking a walk, hugs are always welcome, soft things, whatever suits the pair/group

Likes: fluff, hurt/comfort, comfort, missing scenes, friendships, long-term friendships, close relationships of any sort whether romantic or platonic, familial bonds, found family, sickfic, AUs, fandom crossovers or fusions, angst with a happy end, bonding, cuddling/hugs/holding, banter, mutual care and support, emotional bonding, loyalty, pre-canon, post-canon, reuniting, slice of life

DNW: NSFW, non-con, dub-con, underage relationships, unrequested ships, infidelity, virus things

Thank you!

Ghost Trick

Group: Alma/Cabanela Group: Alma/Jowd Group: Alma/Jowd & Cabanela Group: Alma/Jowd/Cabanela Group: Cabanela/Jowd Group: Cabanela & Pigeon Man Alma Cabanela Jowd Missile Sissel Group: Emma & Pigeon Man: What even happens here? Just such a bizarre and unexpected combo it had to happen.

I love this game, its characters and pretty much everything about it, so whatever you want to do will be great I am sure. New timeline mysteries and dealing with missing memories are always welcome where it makes sense. Alternate timelines and what-ifs are cool to explore. Fluff, comfort, family found or otherwise and friendships are always a go. Sissel and Missile involvements and tricks are always good. Any combination of these characters is more than welcome too! 

I only request that for various configurations of Alma, Jowd and Cabanela there is no infidelity. If it’s Cabanela/Jowd or Cabanela/Alma please let the third party be absent for whatever reason or dead... if a Cabanela/Jowd situation in game or a no reset timeline. But Alma’s absence should still be felt. Otherwise I love the trio so much and always love to see more.

Trails in the Sky

Group: Cassius Bright & Estelle Bright & Joshua Bright & Renne Bright: Family family family! Renne adjusting to a new life with them .

Group: Celeste D. Auslese & Renne Hayworth: What might they discuss in the Hermit’s Garden? What might Renne have to ask her?

Group: Estelle Bright & Kloe Rinz | Klaudia von Auslese & Tita Russell: Sisters and best friend time!

Group: Julia Schwarz & Kloe Rinz | Klaudia von Auslese: Mooore sister times

Group: Kloe Rinz & Celeste D. Auslese: Her ancestor... Kloe must have so many questions...

Group: Kloe Rinz | Klaudia von Auslese & Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor: Royals unite! They have a good allyship now going now it’d be cool to see them interact more

Group: Mayor Maybelle/Lila: they’re just sweet okay. Let Maybelle rest. Lila, also rest. Go on a vacation you two

Group: Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor & Mueller Vander: Exasperated but oh so caring Mueller always...

Group: Olivier Lenheim/Mueller Vander: Same as above but more romantic

Group: Ries Argent/Kevin Graham: Affectionate exasperation

Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor: Just. Olivier. 

Missing scenes, scene extensions, travel along the roads, airship travel times, etc. Post Sky also welcome and at some points necessary. Ample opportunity for anything in the Garden in 3rd. I love these characters, their world, and their relationships.

Trails from Zero/Trails to Azure

Alex Dudley Elie MacDowell KeA Lloyd Bannings Randy Orlando Sergei Lou Tio Plato Zeit Group: Rixia Mao/Ilya Platiere Group: Sonya Baelz & Sergei Lou

These games hit my found family buttons hard. Anything portraying some kind of familial relationship among these characters is awesome. I love our SSS family (Dudley included, you’re an honorary part too, just the way it is). Any combination of these characters is more than welcome!

KeA winning Dudley over because no one can resist her? Always down for KeA and “Uncle” Sergei too. Randy and Tio sibling like times? An outing for our core four, Lloyd, Elie, Tio and Randy, possibly dragging Sergei with for a change? Dudley and Lloyd connecting over something whether the past with Guy or something else entirely? Zeit in any capacity is a very good boy. Sky’s the limit.

Please no shipping aside from the Rixia/Ilya.

Dragon Quest XI

Group: Marutina | Jade & Rou | Rab Group: Sena | Serena & Veronica Group: Sylvia | Sylvando & Dave Group: Sylvia | Sylvando & Graig | Hendrik Marutina | Jade Sylvia | Sylvando

While I wish there were a few more dynamics among the party outside of certain pairs I do love what there is and down for more.

I’d be interested in seeing more Jade and Rab grandfather adopted granddaughter moments. Could be something during the journey or something before they joined the party. Or something after it’s all over. Jade can return to her father in Heliodor but that’s a bond that won’t break.

Any kind of sister time for Serena and Veronica at any time. Can go angsty given Veronica’s situation as well.

I didn’t give Dave a lot of attention until playing the definitive edition and I loved how he was there for Sylv and was able to snap him out of his gloom. More interactions and them supporting each other would be great. Anything during the parade gathering is also great, or Dave’s search for him and Sylv’s recovery.

I love Hendrik and Sylvando’s dynamic. They have that shared history but they’re so different and Hendrik’s reactions are always a joy. But what are some other ways they can support each other?

Game did Jade dirty. Let her shine. Maybe overly ambitious but an AU where she kicks Booga’s ass and liberates Octagonia herself would be cool and she can look after it in a similar fashion to the Last Bastion. But overall anyway, just some attention for Jade.

Just. Sylvando. I love him. Sylv being Sylv can’t go wrong.

Bug Fables

Group: Elizant II & Leif Group: Kabbu & Vi & Leif Group: Prof. Honeycomb & Doctor H.B. Kabbu Leif Vi

My new love and I love the group dynamics! Party fun times while they’re travelling would be good. Really interested in more with Leif’s situation because that is a Lot and open to more introspection and dealing--Kabbu support go? Attempted Vi support go?

There’s also an interesting connection between Elizant II and Leif I’d be interested in seeing more. Leif’s out of time but holds memories of Elizant I. Elizant II is a more direct connection he’s otherwise lacking and it’s nice to see how his opinion of her shifts and grows.

Professor Honeycomb and Doctor H.B.: older cranky lady bees in science! I have no specific ideas, but exploring more of their rivalry would be fun. Hawk and long-suffering Crow involvement are A-okay too.

Final Fantasy VI

Cyan Celes Group: Edgar Roni Figaro & Macías "Mash" Rene Figaro | Sabin Rene Figaro Relm Arrowny

Any combination of any of these tags. Any kind of characters interaction among the party is great. Celes and Relm. Attempted reconciliation between Celes and Cyan. Edgar and Sabin having some sort of interaction with the spunky Relm--she probably trolling them in some way no doubt. Or perhaps something sweeter. Etc

Edgar & Sabin: Moments visiting Figaro during their journey. Or post-game trying to bond again and get to know each other after Sabin’s long absence without doom hanging over their heads. Something to do with or some fallout from the whole Gerad situation?

Celes: Her thoughts on having to sing at the opera? Or what she might be doing post-game. More exploration of her thoughts and feelings after she wakes up on the island? So much room for more expansion on Celes moments. Travelling with Sabin after finding him in the World of Ruin?

Relm: Lean on the magic of her paintings? Or post-game Relm dealing with the loss her powers and/or just trying to live normally again after all that?

Mutazione

Group: Bopek & Jell-A Group: Dennis & Nonno Group: Kai & Karoo Group: Kai & Semenya Group: Miu & Yoké Group: Nonno & Spike Group: Spike/Claire Group: Yoké & Claire Group: Yoké & Karoo Miu Yoké 

I don’t have any specific ideas for Mutazione but all these groups are cool. I enjoyed playing this game so much I’d love to dive back into this world. Leaning hard on its warmth, care and found family is most welcome. And plants! And music! I’m particularly fond of Yoké, but as said these are all great pairs and characters. 

Pyre

Group: Volfred Sandalwood & Ti'zo Group: Volfred Sandalwood/Tariq | The Lone Minstrel Volfred Sandalwood Ti’Zo

Found family joys. Daily activities while they travel? Wagon shenanigans. Post Peaceful revolution activities? Any combo here is great. Soft moments in configurations of Volfred, Tariq and Oralech, pre, post or in-game.   Snakes doing snake things. Imps doing imp things.

Volfred Sandalwood & Ti'zo: Tree and Imp, Tree and Imp! And who knew each other before so something relating to that would be cool. But honestly tree and imp...

Volfred Sandalwood/Tariq | The Lone Minstrel: Something gentle for the tree and the moon who somehow fell for him, any time period

[hookedontaronfics]

First Contact series - Part 10

Title: First Contact - Part 10 Read the previous installments here: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 Rating: M Pairing: Taron x OC Warnings: Mild smut and mentions of violence [trigger warning] A/N: The aftermath of Kevin’s attack takes Jess to some dark places. Will Taron’s eternal devotion to her be able see her through? This was a tough chapter to write and read; it’s not happy but I tried to keep it realistic. So stick with me through the angst, better times are ahead, I promise! x

A white tile ceiling. Stark white walls. 

That was the first thing I saw when my eyes fluttered open. I had no concept of time; how long I had been out, or even where I was at the moment. I waited for the pain to hit my consciousness, but it never came. In its place was just an absence, a hollowness of feeling.

I could hear the steady sound of an IV machine in the background, and also a gentle rhythmic snoring. I spied Taron crashed out on the couch by the window, and even if I couldn’t see the sky, I could tell it was dark outside, the lights in my room dim.

Taron must have only been lightly dozing, because he stirred awake as soon as I tried to readjust myself on the bed, and moved over to the chair at my bedside. He took my hand in his and asked softly how I was feeling, the relief to see me awake evident across his features.

“Not much of anything at the moment, to be honest,” I said, trying to read the labels on my IV bags but my vision started swimming again and I had to look away. “I probably have a lot of painkillers right now,” I shrugged. Taron gave me a sympathetic look. “How long have I been out? Did they tell you what happened to me?” I asked, needing information more than anything. I felt like if I had answers, than maybe I could begin to accept what had happened.

“I think maybe the doctor should explain all that, he could do it far better than me,” he said quietly, squeezing my hand.

“T, I need to know what happened to me, please,” I pleaded with him, hating the pained expression that crossed his face and furrowed his brow.

“They had to take you into surgery when you got here,” he said heavily. “They had to rebuild your face, your eye socket and cheekbone were shattered…” he said, choking up and struggling to get the words out as I reached up to touch the heavy gauze taped over the left side of my face. I winced, though I couldn’t really feel any pain from it.

“Adding more scars to the collection, I guess,” I whispered softly.

Taron continued talking in a low, shaking voice, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb, his eyes trained on the bed. “The doctors told me you’ll probably be in here for a while to recover. They want to keep an eye on how everything is healing. You also sustained a couple of fractured ribs, and probably have a moderate concussion, and they don’t want to send you home too soon in case that worsens before it gets better. But you will get better, you have to,” he said, his eyes swimming a bit with tears.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Taron. I will get better, you’ll see. I’m determined,” I said, squeezing his hand before a wave of dizziness washed through me, even though I hadn’t even moved. My vision was still going in and out of focus and I closed my eyes for a moment to try and keep from needing to get sick.

“What about Kevin? Did you talk to the police? Were they here? Do they know? Does anyone know?” I asked, peppering Taron with questions he couldn’t possibly answer. “Will he be able to hurt me again?”

“Babe, I don’t know anything right now. But you’re safe here, and I’m not going anywhere. And the woman who helped you, who called me, she took pictures at the scene. They’re on your phone,” he said, his voice cracking again and he had to pause to keep his composure. “She thought they would be important as evidence to whatever charges get pressed. Because we don’t fuck around here in the UK when it comes to assault. But I also don’t know what’s going to happen because he’s a U.S. citizen. He may be extradited and face charges there instead. I just don’t know yet, but he’s in custody and will remain that way until he’s booked or sent away.”

“I used to think that moving here to London would protect me. It didn’t,” I said painfully.

“He can’t hurt you any more, I promise.” Something about the way he said that made me absolutely lose it.

“I’m not sure anyone can promise me that, Taron,” I fairly sobbed. Whether he could understand my words, I’m not sure because I was crying so hard they weren’t coherent. Watching me cry uncontrollably must have torn him apart though, because at one point he clambered into my bed, careful of the IV and all the other tubes and lines trailing from me, and pulled me into his arms, not even caring that I was probably leaving trails of tears and snot and slobber all over his shirt. I know I was shaking, afraid and traumatized by everything. Taron stroked my hair sweetly, careful with me even as he held me tightly to him, wanting his presence to be calming and comforting.

I don’t remember calming down, and I don’t remember slipping off to sleep, but I must have because I woke up later when a nurse was trying to quietly take my vitals, my face still pressed into Taron’s chest. He was out cold, lashes resting against his cheeks, his arms still sweetly around me. I knew I should have felt something, protected, safe, in love, but all I could feel was afraid. Not of Taron, necessarily, but that somehow the happiness I had found in him couldn’t last. Maybe, somehow, I wasn’t meant to deserve what he had tried to offer me.

I hated how dark these thoughts were but couldn’t keep them from pressing me flat. What if Taron had been with me when Kevin confronted me? What if he’d been hurt, because of me? That would have made things far worse. I wouldn’t have been able to handle that kind of guilt. I saw my phone sitting on the table beside me, so I carefully reached over and managed to grab it. I shouldn’t have looked, but my curiosity got the better of me as I scrolled through the pictures of myself laying on the ground, cringing at my broken face. Suddenly I was worried the doctors wouldn’t have been able to put it all back together again; would Taron still love me if I never looked the same again, if these scars made me ugly? That thought made me cry all over again, though I tried desperately hard to choke back the sobs and stay silent, not wanting to wake Taron.

The next couple of weeks in the hospital passed much the same way, and Taron really didn’t leave my side except to go home to shower and grab clean clothes. He kept Jules and Mary and even my family back in America updated, and my roommates visited me as often as they could, managing to make me laugh despite my dark moods. Taron also helped me navigate the paperwork for medical leave with work, which felt endless and confusing partly because my concussion didn’t allow me to make sense of it all, but even my boss visited and made sure I knew I had nothing to worry about, to take the time I needed to recover and that my position would be secure.

Talking to the police and trying to recall details of that day was a difficult process. I remembered most of what had happened just before the assault, but I had very little recollection of the after. And I couldn’t get over why I had trusted Kevin enough to step into that alley with him. Maybe I’d been stupidly hopeful he really had changed, though I still couldn’t figure out how he had found me, and he wasn’t talking to police about that fact either. The couple who had helped me, Darren and Lucy, visited me too, and they were the kindest people, and were incredibly helpful to police as well. Kevin was going to be sent back to the U.S. and his passport revoked, and he’d be banned from ever leaving the country again, so as long as I never went back to America there’d be no way he could get to me again. But I still didn’t feel safe and had no idea how to ever get back to that place where I would.

The bandages came off and I was surprised that it really didn’t look so bad. There were only two incisions and the plastic surgeon had used glue and tape, not actual stitches, to minimize scarring as much as possible. My skin was still red and angry but otherwise I couldn’t see much difference in how my face looked at all. They’d done a good job rebuilding the structure although now my eye socket was more metal than bone.

They kept me on strong pain meds and I had random blindingly awful headaches that made me cry because it was all I could do. My vision stayed slightly fuzzy and I half-worried this would be permanent, but the doctor emphasized that I just needed more time to heal, that the effects of my concussion could take months to fade. The depression that set in, though, that was probably the hardest thing to deal with. I went through a couple of brain scans and a psychological evaluation and was told I had post-traumatic stress disorder but somehow that still didn’t set in my mind that my hopeless feelings weren’t all my fault.

Taron truly was a saint through all of this, remaining strong and stable and supportive, and doing his best to keep me entertained when I wasn’t sleeping, which I admittedly did a lot of. And when it was finally time to be released from the hospital, Taron was adamant that he wanted me to come home with him, and I didn’t have enough strength of mind to argue.

So three weeks later, I was snuggled in amongst the sheets of Taron’s bed, spending most of my time there because I just didn’t have the energy to do anything else. I was sad and worried and afraid most of the time, hovering just above completely bottomed out. I think Taron probably kept me afloat in the worst of it, making sure I ate and showered and took my medicine. Not every day was bad, to be fair. Some days I helped him cook in the kitchen, and the depression couldn’t take away how much I loved to hear him laugh, or we took a walk around his neighborhood, hand-in-hand, and I could pretend I wasn’t this way, or we just stayed in and watched Netflix all day on the couch, being lazy together. But other days the darkness crept in around the edges, and I questioned in my mind why he stayed with me.

I was unfortunately wallowing in the middle of one of these pits when Taron breezed into the room. “I figured it out, babe,” he said, settling on the bed and placing his hand on my knee.

“Figured out what?” I asked, trying to wake up from the stupor I had been in, staring at the ceiling and not even sure what I was thinking.

“I got to thinking how you said you deleted all of your old social media accounts after what happened with Kevin. And all of your new accounts are totally private. But that got me thinking and I realized that I’m to blame for him finding you.”

“What? You’re not making any bloody sense, T,” I said, rubbing my temple and trying to make an oncoming headache go away.

“My Instagram. It’s completely public and the photos we posted while on vacation together… You know, everyone shares those photos on Twitter and Tumblr and Facebook and wherever else and he must have somehow come across it at some point and recognized you and put 2 and 2 together. You dating a London bloke, he must have figured it out and come here just hoping to run into you. It’s really my fault, I should have thought that through.” His green eyes had darkened as he looked troubled over having somehow endangered me.

“Hey. It’s not your fault I have a crazy ass ex. I don’t regret you posting those photos,” I said softly. “It’s also not your fault that the American law system doesn’t better protect its victims of domestic violence. You’re not in control of that. Don’t carry that burden for me, okay?” I said, smiling slightly at him.

“I’d carry anything for you, love,” he said, leaning over and kissing me gently on the forehead.

“I know you would, T. I know,” I said, trailing off and pulling the blankets up around myself again, worn out by our conversation already. I just don’t know why, I thought.

“I love you, and I’ll see you through all of this, yeah?” he added softly, earnestly.

I nodded, because I wasn’t sure what else to do. Trying to cross over this chasm of darkness, fear and pain had gotten even more difficult to do. I was on one side, and Taron and all of his patience and kindness and love were on the other, and try as he might to reach across it to me, I didn’t have the courage to jump.

“I’ll get us dinner started, you just rest now,” he spoke, leaving me to my apparent misery. He doesn’t deserve this, whatever it is I am now, I thought angrily as I watched him leave the room, seeming a bit deflated at my lack of an actual answer.

I wish I could say the following weeks got better, but somehow they got worse. The first panic attack I had was when Taron and I were downtown, having braved being out in public. We had passed by an alley and somehow that set me off. It took me by surprise and I only was aware it had happened once I had come back out of it. I was on my hands and knees on the concrete, breathless and crying, and Taron was crouched down next to me trying to talk me down. Other people surrounded us, so it must have been embarrassingly obvious that I was losing my shit, and someone had even called an ambulance but the medics weren’t needed by the time they arrived.

More brain scans ensued and I was given more medicines to try and signed up for more counseling to help, but the panic attacks continued because my ptsd was becoming more entrenched in my brain. I was starting to see the image of Kevin everywhere I went, lurking about and waiting to catch me by surprise. Things became so concerning that Taron canceled a weekend event he was supposed to fly out to. He was extremely vague about what it was, just saying that me and my health were more important and he didn’t feel he could leave me by myself for that long. He hadn’t said that to make me feel guilty, of course, but I wished he had consulted me about it first. Especially after I logged into Twitter and saw angry tweet after sad tweet after shitty tweet about Taron canceling his comic con appearance and disappointing a boatload of fans. Because of me. This was not what I had wanted at all.

“Taron,” I said, walking out to the living room to find him crashed out on the couch with a beer and some movie or show on the telly, I couldn’t tell what.

“Mmm, yeah?” he asked, muting the telly before sitting up and looking at me over the edge of the couch.

“You shouldn’t have canceled your con appearance,” I said, as it dawned on him that I knew what he’d done. “All those fans are going to be pissed off and disappointed because of me.”

“I did my best to apologize profusely to the fans for that but you’re my priority right now. It wouldn’t be any different if it was my family having a medical issue.”

“I could have gone back to my flat. Jules and Mary would have looked after me, and frankly I could have handled a few days, I think,” I said in a huff, mostly upset that I’d become dependent on him.

“But you need me to help you. There’s no shame in that.”

“I don’t need you,” I bit back. I wished I could have taken those words back the instant they came out of my mouth. The look of hurt that crossed his face, after all he’d done for me already, was awful to witness. But I hadn’t meant it like that; I was frustrated at having to be doted on, and wanted to go back to the sort of independence and freedom I had had before Kevin had walked back into my life and erased years of work I’d done to overcome him.

“Do you really feel that way?” he asked softly, standing up and walking over to me, brushing my hair away from my face.

“I don’t understand anything right now. I’m confused, and depressed, and I’m struggling to understand why this happened to me again, T,” I admitted. “But I also don’t love the idea that your life has been affected by me.”

“My life is affected because I choose to be here for you, in whatever capacity you need me to be. That’s not a burden, Jess. You enrich my life by being in it, and who would I be if I fucked off when you went through something difficult and needed the support? This isn’t about you not being able to do things for yourself. I know you’re fully capable. But I also don’t think you should be alone right now either. And that’s my right to think that, and to ensure that you’re not. Because the last thing on earth I could handle right now is you feeling alone or abandoned. And as to why this happened, I can’t answer that. I wish I could, but it was so wrong, and bad things happen to people who don’t deserve them. And it breaks my heart that you had to go through this, but I also know how strong you are, and every day you prove that more and more. To even be in the orbit around you, it changes things for me.”

The intensity of Taron’s gaze as he spoke his raw, real feelings to me, about me, for me, I felt like I might combust under it. Just burn up on the spot.

“I don’t understand your devotion to me, Taron. I don’t deserve your goodness. I don’t know that I ever have.”

“Just please, don’t do that. I love you and I’m so tired of you trying to find every reason why I shouldn’t. Stop shutting me out, Jess. I can’t profess to know truly what you’re going through right now, but I can’t understand it at all if you don’t talk to me. I want your honesty, and your vulnerability, and your pain, all of it. I just want every beautiful inch of you.”

His words sent shivers over my skin, something I hadn’t been able to feel since the assault. I looked up at him, tried to really see him for more than just the handsome, patient and kind man he was. I tried to see the way he saw me, but it was so hard to do. Kevin had made me feel broken and discarded all over again.

“But what’s so beautiful about me, Taron?” I asked doubtfully.

“Come here,” he said, pulling me over to the couch and down into the seat cushions with him. “And let me show you,” he added, running his fingers gently over my arms.

“Taron,” I whined softly at that, as he gave me one of his small smiles. “Let’s start here,” he said, placing sweet kisses over my eyelids and making me giggle slightly.

“You have the most soulful eyes of anyone I’ve ever met. I can see the world in them because you care so deeply about everything around you.” Next he kissed the tip of my nose, telling me how adorable he thought it was. His kisses traveled to my cheeks, my forehead, my jaw, even my ears, as Taron described how much he loved each one.

Finally he captured my lips in a sweet kiss, something we had barely done since the assault. “And I love kissing your lips. I could do this all day,” he grinned, and even if mentally I was still messed up, my body remembered what it was like to be with him, and craved more of him, and I tried to give myself over to that feeling, leaning in and kissing him back as he leaned me back on the couch, tugging my shirt up and off in the process.

“I love your neck, when I kiss you in that spot that makes you moan,” he smirked, his kisses traveling along my smooth skin and yes, making me moan softly in response. He added my collar bones, my chest and my stomach to the list as he traveled lower and my breath caught in my throat at the feel of his gentle lips sliding over my skin. “Feeling beautiful yet?” he whispered, his hot breath raising goosebumps along my skin. “Or shall I keep going, love?” he smirked, unbuttoning my jeans and slowly sliding them down my legs.

“K-keep going,” I said with a shaky breath, unable to tear my gaze away from him, the way he hovered over me.

“Hmmm, my pleasure,” he hummed, dropping kisses on my thighs. “I love how strong they are, for carrying you through everything. And I especially love being between them,” he whispered with a wicked grin, my head dropping back as he wasted no time in peeling my underwear off and settling himself between my legs.

It’d been a long time since someone had dared to go down on me; Kevin certainly never had. I couldn’t tell you whether Taron was great at it or not, as I didn’t have enough experience to compare either way. But I was 100 percent lost to what he was doing to me there, his tongue and fingers exploring every inch of my folds and drawing out every bit of pleasure I could feel. My fingers gripped his hair, my moans guiding him to what felt good.

When I was close, oh so close, Taron stopped and smiled up at me through his lashes; I groaned at him in frustration for being left hanging, but he only crawled back up my body and kissed me, the taste of my own juices still on his mouth. He wrapped my legs around himself, and I got the hint as he picked me up and carried me back to the bedroom, setting me down on the bed gently before practically tearing his own clothes off, grabbing a condom, crawling over me and joining our bodies all in the same motion.

We both groaned our mutual feelings out loud, the delicious feeling as he thrust in and out of me driving me crazy. I was quite lost to how full and whole I felt in the moment as he peppered my face with kisses. Soon enough we were crashing hard together, Taron collapsing next to me, his face tucked in against my neck and arm thrown over my chest as we attempted to come back down to earth.

“I love you so much, babe,” he whispered. “You’re the absolute world to me,” he said, brushing my hair out of my face tenderly.

“I love you too,” I said back, feeling compelled to get the words out in that moment.

“Yeah?” Taron grinned happily, his dimples popping out as his eyes sparkled at me. I couldn’t deny him this happiness, I couldn’t.

So I repeated the words, even as they felt hollow in my chest. I should have felt something, shouldn’t I? 

“You make me so ridiculously happy,” he said sweetly, even as he snuggled into me further, hugging my sweaty, spent body to his for a few moments. I knew what he felt was completely genuine and real. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me that I couldn’t return the same.

Eventually he got up to dispose of the condom and secure the house for the night, while I stayed crashed out in the bed. Once he’d returned and we bedded down to sleep, I laid awake for far too long vacillating between how I should feel and why I wasn’t feeling anything at all. The numbness had settled deep in my soul and I hated myself for it, as I watched Taron sleep soundly, the cutest smile on his face. His love didn’t belong to me, and I knew it.

I don’t remember exactly how long it took to slip off to sleep, but Taron was not in bed when I woke up the next morning. I rolled over and squinted at my phone, and realized it was well after 11 a.m. and Taron would be at an early-morning meeting he’d told me about. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes, looking around me for a long moment and sighing. I got up and showered quickly, grazed on some leftovers I heated up, and then set about packing my clothes. I had spent much of the past month of recovery slumming around in Taron’s pajama pants and sweatshirts, though Mary and Jules had brought some things over for me, clean unders and bras and the like.

I was lost in thought when I heard the front door open. “Darling?! You awake?” Taron called, and I couldn’t move while his footsteps moved about the house. He found me in the bedroom, of course, finally in my own jeans and a blouse, the bed neatly made and my bag resting at the edge of it.

“What’s this?” he asked, his expression immediately clouding over.

“I’m going back to the flat, T. This wasn’t supposed to be a permanent move, anyway. And I don’t want you as my nursemaid, I need you as my boyfriend,” I said quietly, trying to explain and hoping he just understood. “I’m really grateful for what you’ve done for me, but I just need to get back to my routine. I’m trying to process what happened with Kevin still, and I know that I still have this depression hanging over me, and the panic attacks are still happening, but I feel like I can deal with that if I just go back to work and get a sense of normalcy back.”

“I… guess that makes sense, of course,” he replied hesitantly, blinking a few times and trying to process what I was saying. “I think you could be happy here, though, too, with me,” he said sweetly, making my chest ache slightly.

“I just can’t do this right now, with you,” I said softly. “When I said I loved you last night, I couldn’t feel it at first. But it wasn’t because I lied. I do love you, far too much to hold you back with the person I am right now. I need to go back to my normal life and deal with all of this so that I can be worthy of being the person you love.”

“I… Jess,” he said, his voice cracking at that. “You already are the person I love, as you are now,” he replied a bit desperately.

“And you may think that, but I don’t feel it, and that’s never going to go away if I don’t address it now,” I said, watching his face just crumble. It wasn’t easy to fend off my own tears then.

“I wish I could change your mind. I’ve gotten rather used to having you here all the time,” he said, biting his thumb in thought.

“I have to go, T. If we want this to work in the future, I need to be okay with myself first.” I gave him a quick hug, that he oddly didn’t return, before grabbing my bag and walking toward the door. I almost thought he wasn’t going to try and say good-bye but he came running after me, skidding on the tile in his sock feet slightly.

“Wait! Wait, Jess,” he said, taking my free hand in his. “I’ve been waiting to give this to you but I think now’s the right time,” he said, proffering a small black box and making my heart flutter several times. Nestled inside the box was a simple rose-gold band, with a tiny diamond in the middle; it was simple, elegant and clean. “It’s a promise and a hope… My promise to you that I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes, and my hope that no matter how far you wander, you’ll always find your way back to me. You don’t even have to wear it, I just wanted you to know where I stood,” he said, shoving the box in my hands. The fractured look in his eyes tore at the edges of my soul, but I also knew I was doing the right thing, for him and for me.

“Thank you, Taron,” I said, because there wasn’t anything else to say. “We’ll keep in touch. We’ll go on dates. I’m not giving up on us,” I promised back.

“No, but you’re pushing me away, and I don’t understand why,” he said in a bit of a pained voice.

“I have work to do on me, for me. No one has to understand that.” Taron could only nod at that point, kissing me on the forehead gently before letting me go. I carefully placed the ring in my bag and made sure it was secure before hoisting the bag onto my shoulder and grabbing my purse.

“I can drive you back over to the flat, if you want,” he offered idly.

“I’ve got this, Taron. I know how to take the tube,” I couldn’t help but giggle slightly. His worry over me was sweet, but I needed to be able to rely on myself too. I felt this wild, desperate need to prove to myself that I could.

“I’ll see you later, I suppose,” I said, giving Taron a small smile that he couldn’t bring himself to return. Things could be different, would be better for the both of us, and I could only hope his faith in me wouldn’t be fleeting. I felt both crushed and liberated as I left, confused by both emotions as I peered over my shoulder to see Taron standing in his doorway, watching sadly after me.

Will Jess be able to repair the damage to her soul, and her relationship? Find out in Part 11 HERE!

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, February 10

Cover: Prince Charles and Prince William bitter war for the throne 

Page 2: Beaming Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston on the road to remarriage 

Page 3: Jessica Simpson doesn’t mince words in her tell-all revealing for the first time she was sexually molested as a kid and why she hit the bottle during her rocky romance with John Mayer 

Page 4: Shocking photos of Johnny Depp suggest Captain Jack Sparrow may be on his last voyage 

Page 5: George Stephanopoulos has thrown his hat in the ring to replace the ailing Alex Trebek as Jeopardy! host but he’s facing stiff competition, Kelly Ripa has given up booze thanks to Ryan Seacrest who helped her see clean-living as a way to take back control of her life 

Page 6: After kicking off his Las Vegas residency David Lee Roth has fans worried after his opening show in which he rambled endlessly and incoherently and couldn’t even recall the words to one of his biggest solo hits, at 86 and in failing health Willie Nelson knows the road can’t go on forever and he’s asked his lifelong compadre country legend George Strait to carry on touring for him when he finally packs it in 

Page 7: Pain-ravaged rocker Ozzy Osbourne is planning to seek a miracle treatment for his crippling Parkinson’s disease in Switzerland but doctors say the last-ditch bid is a fool’s errand, Taylor Swift revealed her mother Andrea who has been battling cancer since 2015 was diagnosed with a brain tumor while undergoing chemotherapy 

Page 8: Bride-to-be Bindi Irwin is desperate to save her wedding to Chandler Powell and end the brutal drama that’s tearing her family apart -- the feud between her mom Terri Irwin and her grandfather Bob Irwin who revealed he didn’t even expect a wedding invite, with Paris Jackson’s life in free fall from her prescription drug use her rocker boyfriend Gabriel Glenn has cleaned up his own act to help get her back on track 

Page 9: Savage reviews for Robert Downey Jr.’s pet project Dolittle have insiders fearing the flop may crush his career and cause the former junkie to relapse, troubled Tatum O’Neal’s health woes have robbed the actress of her spirit and derailed her once promising career -- she has endured painful flare-ups of rheumatoid arthritis and serious spinal surgery that’s left her riddled with scars and sources fear Tatum’s struggles may drive the former addict to seek solace in substance abuse 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Kevin Jonas was all ears on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Celine Dion gave an emotional performance in Miami hours after the death of her 92-year-old mother, Uma Thurman on a talk show in Milan 

Page 11: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have called in a love doctor to help them put the spark back in their marraige, Melanie Griffith’s friendship with ex-husband Antonio Banderas is a little too close for comfort for his galpal Nicole Kimpel who wants Melanie to stop buzzing around her man, bitter love rivals Gwen Stefani and Miranda Lambert are locked in a new feud over who has the better bling 

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Ariel Winter buys wine, exes Marc Anthony and Diddy will probably be at Jennifer Lopez’s wedding to Alex Rodriguez but not Ben Affleck, Adele’s weight loss has record executives worried because she was authentic and real and wasn’t trying to be a supermodel but the execs are worried about how her fans will react now that she’s gone Hollywood, Dancing with the Stars is hoping for a big casting coup by starting its next season with its first-ever same-sex dancing couple, Madonna likes it hot and she’s told fans to take their clothes off if they don’t like it because she’s banned air-conditioning from all venues on her current tour because she thinks the AC isn’t good for her injuries

Page 13: Britney Spears’ aging ex Kevin Federline is feeling very little love on the Las Vegas strip for his work as a DJ even though he’s one of the most recognizable names and faces in Vegas nobody wants to pay his $15,000 fee anymore, Jamie Foxx still lives with his mother and father who have been divorced for 25 years and his dad brings home dates, Jonathan Scott has found fame with his twin brother Drew Scott on the HGTV Property Brothers show but what the fixer upper really wants to be is a magician

Page 14: A state-by-state expose of pervy predators in the Catholic Church 

Page 18: Duane “Dog” Chapman’s family feud hit a new low when the bounty hunter’s own daughter seemed to slam him as a bastard and evil for shacking up with old friend Moon Angell less than a year after losing his beloved wife Beth to cancer, Tommy Lee’s new wife Brittany Furlan butters up his ex Heather Locklear to boost her own career 

Page 19: Caitlyn Jenner says she’s done with relationships after Sophia Hutchins’ shattering words, Kylie Jenner is already mom to Stormi but she revealed she hopes to be a mother of four just like her big sister Kim Kardashian 

Page 20: Cover Story -- Prince Charles and Prince William fight for power as frail Queen Elizabeth collapses from a broken heart 

Page 22: True Crime 

Page 23: If it’s not bad enough that Lori Loughlin is facing decades in prison the disgraced star’s very own daughters could be the ones whose damning testimony will put her there 

Page 24: Real Life 

Page 28: Brave defector Chrissie Carnell Bixler is suing the controversial Church of Scientology accusing them of using cruel and dirty tactics including killing her beloved dogs -- Chrissie and three other women have accused Scientologist Danny Masterson of sexual assault 

Page 30: Health Watch 

Page 34: Heartbroken Pamela Anderson’s failure to spark a reunion with former flame Tommy Lee sent her racing to the altar with movie producer pal Jon Peters, Rihanna didn’t waste any time finding a shoulder to lean on after her split from Hassan Jameel -- she was spotted reconnecting with old flame Drake, Hollywood Hookups -- Robert Pattinson and Suki Waterhouse engaged, Tim Tebow and Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters wed 

Page 42: Red Carpet Stars & Stumbles -- SAG Awards -- Sarah Hyland, Zoe Kravitz, Alexis Bledel