#ketchup and mustard looking ass
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galaxyytrash · 2 months ago
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I am so not normal about them
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allthingscons1dered · 3 months ago
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As someone who grew up with 5 older brothers, I cannot help but think of how older-brother-coded both Dick Grayson and Jason Todd are.
(A/N: It’s not that I don’t love Tim and Damian also, they just give off more younger brother vibes to me. Also, I tried to make this as gender neutral as possible, please don’t hate me if it’s not.)
CW: None, slight cursing.
So I proudly introduce as my first ever post:
Annoying Older Brother!Dick Grayson and Jason Todd Headcannons:
Batfam x gn!reader
Y’all ever come home from school excited for the leftovers that you’ve thought about all day and FIND THEM GONE?!?! Jason ate them. Just to spite you. And he won’t even play dumb about it either. He will admit it so carelessly.
“Did you put your name on it?” He’ll shrug with confidence. He gives no fucks. He needs that caloric intake.
Jason is that sibling who you’ll argue with until you’re blue in the face and then text you 20min later with no explanation, just: “food?”. (Said argument was probably about the leftovers btw).
And you’ll still go get food with him because, well, siblings.
Dick is an older brother in the way he’s not even the tiniest bit nonchalant. He will 100% tell the cringiest stories about you in front of anyone you bring home. Unapologetically.
Or drop you off at school with the most EMBARRASSING song blasting from the speakers. He lives for it.
Another thing about Jason? He will absolutely barge into your room, flex in your mirror, knock shit off of your dresser, throw something at you, and then leave. Completely unprovoked.
He probably even steals the current book you’re reading from your nightstand.
It will return a day later out of nowhere.
Imagine just chilling on the couch, scrolling on your phone and suddenly you’re bombarded with their presence.
“Is that a *boy/girl* you’re texting?” Jason will ask as he looks over your shoulder, knowing damn well it’s not.
But guess what? Denying it would just make it worse.
And of course, Dick would freak out.
Because why would his younger sibling be dating? You’re way too young; practically a baby in his eyes.
In the case that you’re actually talking up your latest crush, Jason would have the following reaction:
“I don’t give a damn who you date,” But give him ten minutes and he’ll hit you with the classic, “so what’s this kid’s name again?” He will be looking them up later.
I think Jason would try to be the brother who acts like he doesn’t care but would most definitely be over your shoulder 24/7 about a lot of things. Dating being one of them.
One time, my brothers shoved me into a box, taped it shut and then set me on the front porch. These two shitheads would do that— or something similar, like hanging you upside down from a grappling hook— and say, “It builds character.”
Ohhhh, that reminds me. You think the two of them are annoying individually. Think of them both TOGETHER.
You try to avoid being around the both of them at any given time, but it’s inevitable.
Like picture yourself coming home after fighting some D-list villain like Condiment King— because of course everyone else was busy— hoping that no one else is back from patrol.
But no! No, no, no. Why would the world ever want you to be so lucky?
In front of the Batcomputer sits Dick and Jason, there to witness your arrival in your mustard-and-mayonnaise-covered suit. Dick will at least attempt to hide the smile behind his hand.
Jason openly laughs his ass off. Tears will be brushed from his eyes as you glare at his shameless reaction.
“Well, I hope you were able to ketchup to him,” Dick cracks with a grin.
The sound of their laughter follows you as you retreat to the locker room, middle finger raised in their direction.
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erosmutt · 2 months ago
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 ⯌ 𝘽𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙂𝙞𝙧𝙡 ⨟ 𝗝. 𝗞𝗲𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝗦. 𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗿𝗼𝗲, 𝗦. 𝗕𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿
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〣 ﹒▨﹕CONTENT WARNINGS﹒foursome, incestuous activities, free use undertones, objectification, somnophilia, double penetration, degrading, face slapping, pussy eating, bukakke, large age gap (James is 46, Scott is 21, Sam is 20, reader is 19).
┄﹒WORD COUNT﹒⤹ 4,152
BNUUY'S NOTES┆Finally, the long awaited fic! Part of the "Partnered Up!" series, which is a series of fics where all the characters are paired up and are with reader. The first installment is this one! Titled after a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. Originally, I was going to title it after a Rob Zombie song, but here we are! I'm so excited to share this with all of you. Eat well my loves!
≻ㅤ﹒ㅤlet's have a coffee together!ㅤ﹒ㅤノ
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"You're welcome over anytime y'wanna be, sweetiepie."
You snap out of your daydream, lifting your gaze. In front of you stood your best friends' dad, James, a spatula in his hand. The kitchen was filled with the scent of seasoned beef, the familiar sizzle in the cast iron skillet on the stove a comforting sound. Your eyes rake over his broad shoulders, his waist, and down to the curve of his ass in his dark blue boxers. His jeans rest low on his hips, barely held up by his butt. Man, he really needed to invest in a belt.
Right as you open your mouth to respond, the sound of heavy boots hitting the creaky floorboards accompanies the sizzle of the patties James was flipping. "Hey dad, hey babes." One of James' two sons, Scott Kelly, greets the two of you as he sits a hefty 30-count case of beer on the kitchen table. His brother, Sam Kelly, was scrolling through his phone as he nodded to you. "What’s up?"
Scott's hand slams down onto the top of the large case of beer. "Found a new flavor. Peach Busch." He grins triumphantly, while Sam snickers, shoving his phone into his pocket and sitting down in a chair next to you. "A girly drink." He sticks his tongue out at his brother, making the blond sneer. "Go fuck yourself." He mutters, tearing the flimsy cardstock handle to reach a can.
James kills the heat on the stove then tosses the spatula down onto the counter. "Watch your fuckin' mouths, alright? Jesus," he shakes his head, gathering the condiments - barbecue sauce, ketchup, mustard, mayo, and an assortment of other burger toppings - then he sets them down onto the counter. "Now sit down and hush so we can eat."
Sam licks his lips as he gets up, grabbing a few paper plates off the top of the microwave. "Huh," he hands everyone a plate, then plops down in the creaky kitchen chair, making it scrape against the dirty linoleum floor. The four of you join hands and a quick prayer later, you all take in the assortment he cooked. "So," his father begins, cracking open a beer. "How's it been goin' babygirl?"
You look up at him, in the middle of squirting ketchup onto your hamburger. "Uh, what does that entail?" You ask with a lopsided grin. Scott shrugs. "The usual, you know? Like, I dunno, any boyfriends or somethin'?" His baby blues flick up to glance at you before focusing back on his dinner. "You coulda made the fries last, Jesus." Sam mutters from next to you before taking a massive bite of his burger, brows furrowed as he hums in satisfaction.
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After chatting, hot beers, and dinner, the four of you were piled on the couch, watching whatever movie you caught on TV. James had his socked feet kicked up on the busted up coffee table, his arm around you, the stench of cheap cologne and potent motor oil clinging to his skin and clothes. His hand caresses your shoulder, fiddling with your sleeve, squeezing, tracing shapes. Your eyelids flutter closed, feeling heavy. James looks down at you. "Sleepy, babygirl?" He pulls you closer up into his side. "Snuggle up buttercup." He chuckles, ruffling your hair affectionately as he removes his arm from around your shoulders to put it around your waist, large hand resting on your stomach.
As the movie goes on, Sam and Scott end up on the floor, playing UNO, oblivious to their father and best friend up on the couch. James' hand slips up your shirt, rubbing over your soft tummy, over your womb. His dark gaze falls on you, eyes half-lidding as he rubs over your warm skin, your stomach distended with all the dinner you ate. "Sheesh..." He whispers to himself, teeth gently digging into his bottom lip. 
He'd be absolutely lying to himself if he tried to say he didn't have dreams about you full and round with his baby. Disgusting, he knows. He's pushing 50 years old, his knees creak when he gets up after sitting awhile, he has to be in bed before 10pm or he'll get pissy - he has zero business wanting to knock up his young sons' barely legal best friend. You kept him young, kept him on his toes, kept him wanting to keep up with the times. He'd do nearly anything to get just a glimpse of your teenage pussy. Oh, he could already imagine how tight, how warm, how wet, how -
"Dad!" Scott's grating voice snaps James back to reality. He looks down at his son. "What?" He hisses, rubbing his hand over his dark stubble. Sam turns around and looks up at his dad, then at you, then back at his dad. "Wanna play cards with us?" He asks, waving the cards as if tempting James. You stir out of your half-asleep state, then you smile, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. "Mmm, UNO?" You move away from James, standing up. You turn to look at him and hold your hands out, giggling as he lets out a heavy sigh, taking your hands and rocking back and forth before using you to get up off the couch with a groan that makes your stomach coil. "To the kitchen. I ain't gettin' down on that damn floor." James says, making his way to the kitchen. You follow as Sam and Scott gather up the cards.
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"James?" Your voice calls, your hand resting on the door frame of James' bedroom. He groans, opening his eyes to look at the digital clock on his nightstand - 2:52AM. He turns his head to look at you and waves you into the bedroom. "Mm, what's wrong dollface?" He sits up, rubbing his hands over his face. You make your way over and sit down, a pout on your lips. "I can't sleep. Sam and Scotty are up playing games." You go quiet. James listens, and the resounding sound of his sons’ joint bitching at the TV reaches his ears. He rolls his eyes and licks his dry lips. "C'mon, you can lie with me." He pats the mattress. You climb into his warm bed, and once the two of you are settled in, the only sounds that grace you are your breathing, the muffled voices of the boys in the living room, and the rhythmic clicking of his rickety ceiling fan above the bed.
"Usually you're out like a light." James comments. "Well, 'least you used to be able to sleep through anything. Guess that changes when you ain't a kiddo no more." He says, a warm hand rubbing your arm to soothe you to sleep as he did when you were little on nights you would sleep over, when you would come crying to him about a nightmare. Even now, all these years later, it was incredibly endearing to him. The way you suckle around nothing and end up sleeping on your stomach. That wouldn't do if you were pregnant, though.
Throughout the night, James found himself unable to sleep. He had a raging boner, his cock aching, boxers nearly sopping with pre from all the leaking his tip had been doing. You had your cheek pressed against his shoulder, your arm draped over his doughy middle. He stares down at you in the dark, the moonlight streaming through the dusty blinds helping him see your parted lips as they catch the pallid glimmer.
James brings his hand up and rubs his thumb over your bottom lip and the corner of your mouth, collecting the drool that accumulated during your peaceful slumber. He brings his thumb to his mouth and sucks the drool off it, his eyes fluttering closed and nearly rolling back in perverted satisfaction. Removing his thumb with a gentle 'pop,' James rests his hand on your side, beginning to rub up and down, up to the side of your chest then down to your hip. "Christ," he whispers, digging his fingers into your flesh with a gentle squeeze. He finds his way into the side of your camisole, calloused hand rubbing over your breast and soft nipple, thumb caressing the bud.
He was at a really horrid angle, his joints beginning to ache already, but he deemed it worth the pain to be able to grope you in your sleep. James' other hand goes down to his crotch, slipping into his boxers and grabbing at his velvety shaft. After hearing noise he stopped for a second, then went on, rubbing his thumb over his damp tip, assuming the boys were packing it in for the night.
"Dad?" Sam's voice calls, and right as James snatches his hand out of his boxers, the bedroom light flickers on. He stares at his sons, his hand still around your soft, fatty breast. Sam's lips part as if to comment, and Scott just stares at the print of James' hand through your thin navy blue camisole. Oh, he was fucked.
“Um, are we interrupting something?” Scott finally comments, hands shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants. “We came to see whose bed she wanted to take, or if she wanted to stay in the living room. For fucks sake…” He sneers, and his brother watches, fiddling with his labret as he watches his dad slowly retract his hand from your top.
Sam's big blue eyes travel down to your now exposed stomach, blinking silently. "Hey hey, calm down," James coos, pushing himself up into a sitting position, unintentionally making you stir awake. His cock strains against his soft boxers, tip threatening to peek out from underneath the fabric scrunched around his thigh. "She can stay in whichever one'aya's bed she wants. No need to fuss." He says, and you lift your head to look at the twins, returning Sam's slow, cat-like blink. "Huh?"
With a disgusted scoff, Scott turns on his heel, his hand resting on the wood of the doorway as he readies himself to leave. "I can't believe this." He mutters, walking out and down the hallway. Sam took a moment before making a move to leave, though, but he soon followed his brother, disappearing down the hallway.
Left in a tense silence, neither you nor James commented. Just sat, oddly content, until he spoke. "I know you might think this is gross," he begins. "But... do you mind helpin' me out, babygirl?" He asks, and the two of you make eye contact, his gaze pleading while yours was surprised. "James," you murmur, your hand finding his hairy thigh. "I can try."
You make your way between his thighs, your hands resting on either side of his penis. “Can you show me what to do? I’ve never seen a guy’s thing in real life before.” You admit, examining his cock curiously. When you wrap your hand around it, a bit harshly, James hisses. “Gentle, dollface, gentle.”
“Here, slow. Slowly. Up and down. Yeah, just like that.” He watches, a smile coming across his face. “You got the hang of it already.” So, you began to stroke him, getting a feel for it, taking in the warmth, the scent, the texture, the way his shaft twitched in your grasp. You watch as his hands fist the sheets beneath him, his nostrils flaring as he nears what would be his first orgasm of the night. With a shudder, James comes undone, warm semen spurting onto your hand. “Oh.”
“You’re a natural,” James pants, his hand coming up to brush some wispy hairs away from your face. “Good job sweets. My boys are missin’ out.” He grins lazily, then falls back onto his pillow with a sigh.
You get up and adjust your top. “I should get to bed.” You make your way over to the bedroom door, and as soon as you open it, Scott and Sam stumble in sideways. Those little creeps, they had their ears up against the door, listening in. You yelp in surprise, and step back from the door. “What the hell is wrong with you two?!”
Scott’s eyes go from your face, to your cleavage, then over to his dad’s exposed cock, then back up at your face. “No fucking way his jizz is on your hand right now.” Sam chimes in, glaring at your hand with contempt. Overcome with embarrassment, you look down at your sock-clad feet, eyes tracing the checkerboard patterned fabric. “Are you listening to me?”
You and Scott were so preoccupied that neither of you noticed James come up behind you, hand coming to rest on your shoulder, his dick still out of the confines of his boxers. “It ain’t somethin’ to be ‘shamed of, you know.” He reassures, caressing your shoulder as he looks between his twin sons. “I never got to give y’all the talk, did I? Maybe now’s a good time, yeah?”
Scott was a bit more enthusiastic than you anticipated. Sam, on the other hand, seemed more hesitant. Though judging by the tent in his shorts, he was far from unaffected. With a deep breath, you settle down onto the bed, the boys on either side of you. James stands in front of you three, his cock noticeably hardening. “What the fuck,” Scott whispers to himself, meanwhile Sam was shifting around, trying to relieve the friction in his bottoms.
James begins pacing, starting his impromptu sex ed lesson. “It’s not a weird thing to talk about. Sex is how we all got here. ‘S a natural thing.” He reaches down and tucks himself back in, thankfully. “It’s not just a way to make life, but to pleasure yourself, too. Everyone likes it.” Their father turns and looks between his sons, then his eyes settle on Sam. “Especially you,” he points. “You think I don’t hear you?” He then looks at Scott. “You? Don’t even get me started on the shit I hear you watching.” The blond raises an eyebrow, parting his lips to bitch back when James goes on. “Both’a’ya think she and I are disgusting for doing shit like this when really, we not. You just ain’t mature enough to get it through your heads that you two not the only ones that think with their dick.”
Sam looked especially uncomfortable now, doing his damndest to not make eye contact with any of the others in the room. “Then give us a hands-on lesson if you give so much of a shit.” Scott quips, making everyone look at him. Realizing his mistake, he widens his eyes. “Wait! I’m fucking with you, I’m fucking with you, I’m fucking with you!” He rambles, making you snicker, until Sam finally chimed in. “Can we?” He asks. The other three of you turn to look at Sam, his cheeks reddening a deeper shade.
“Fine then,” James says, making his way to the bed. “Lay down sweetpea.” He urges you, gently pushing your shoulder, a silent instruction for  you to lay back. “Usin’ you for some edjumacation, just relax dollface.” He smiles, and you make a noise of confusion as he runs his hand over your stomach. “Watch boys,” he instructs, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts. He tugs them down, your thighs jiggling as your hips plop back down onto the bed. 
You can’t help but feel embarrassed, you were being put on display for a less than ideal anatomy lesson, and the two boys you’d called your best friends since you could remember were staring at you like they could just devour you. The room fills with the nervous laughter of the two others as your body unfolds before them, eager to learn the intricacies that make you so unique. Your stomach was revealed first, followed by your thighs. As Scott giggles, you flush, feeling a sudden heat fill your face.
With your underwear the only thing keeping your intimate parts hidden, James gives a shit-eating grin to his audience, who tap their feet and shuffle in anticipation. James then hooks his fingers into the waistband of your underwear and gives a swift tug down, revealing your fat, squishy mound and puffy pussy lips, soft and inviting. The sight of your hidden treasure causes the boys’ eyes to widen, taking in every detail of your body.
Your cheeks flame with mortification, an uncomfortable mix of embarrassment and arousal. The twins sat gazing at your exposed body, their eyes raking it in all its glory. You shudder, goosebumps forming on your skin as you sense their unabashed curiosity and lust. Pleased with his handiwork, James steps back, hands resting on his hips. “Go on, you two always were hands-on learners anyways.”
Scott, on your left, reaches out and touches your breast, his palm cupping the mound, eliciting a soft moan from your lips. You were overwhelmed with humiliation and pleasure, which was only amplified when you felt someone between your thighs. When you lifted your head to look down, you saw Sam on his knees before you, lips inches away from your pussy. “There you go, touch on ‘er.” James encourages the boys before taking a seat on the bed to your right, his large hand coming to rest on your stomach. “You’re such a trooper babygirl.”
You felt heat coursing through your veins, and you were unsure whether to be disgusted by the incestuous display or to just continue going with it. The feeling of being stripped of your dignity and autonomous power left you in a state of confusion, but your stomach coiled with a twisted thrill that came with the degradation. “Eat ‘er out, Sammy.” Scott tells his brother, sitting up straight. He swings one leg over your body and straddles your chest, then pulls his sweatpants down enough to remove his cock comfortably. His musky shaft bounces free before hitting you in the face. “Open your mouth- open it,”
You open your mouth willingly, the tip of Scott’s cock gliding past your lips and into the warm sanctuary of your mouth. Your tongue traces the underside of his shaft, sending tremors through his body. James watches in satisfaction as his sons take turns pleasuring you. Scott’s rough, unskilled hands gripping your head to guide his cock into your mouth contrast with Sam’s gentle, teasing tongue that flicks at your clit. As you begin to get into it, the twins sense it, their eagerness increasing tenfold. The blond bottoms out, balls against your chin as he groans, barely able to hold himself up, his thighs tensing. “Fucking- oh my- oh fuck,” he hisses, fully intent on keeping the two of you that way until James had to guide him back out. “Off.”
When Scott and Sam move out of the way, James settles between your legs and with a firm grip, finds your hips and snatches you to the very edge of the bed, his lips meeting yours for a slow, deep kiss. He groans softly against your lips, cock resting on your mound, the taste of peach beer like honey on his tongue.
James breaks the kiss and looks up at his sons. “Fuckin’ hell, Sam, play with ‘er tits.” The teen nods, hands finding your breasts, kneading the flesh gently. He drinks in the sight of the mounds jiggling beneath his touch, the curves and contours calling to him like a siren. “Scott, get under her.”
Scott doesn't waste a moment, his bottoms getting kicked across the room and hitting the floor, joining all the clutter and shit in his dad's room. He maneuvers underneath you, arms wrapping around your middle. “You good doll?” James asks, and you nod, hands on top of Sam's, guiding him to play with your nipples in a way that'll bring you the most pleasure. “Yeah, ‘m good,”
“Good.”
With the help of James’ hand, Scott's cock pushes into you, pulling an embarrassingly loud moan from your lips. “Oh, fuck!” You arch your back and Scott pulls you back down. “Stay,” he whispers hotly against your ear. “Stay right there.” In the heat of the moment, you didn't even notice that James was beginning to push into you as well until your poor cunt was being stretched to the brim. “James! James- ‘s so- ohhh, can't fit it,” you slur, making the man chuckle. “Yeah you can. Cunts are made for this, it's just a lil’ difficult ‘cause you're so young, babygirl.” After a bit of struggle, James penetrates you, your warm walls enveloping him. A guttural moan escapes him as he starts to grind against you, the friction from his son's cock against his paired with your wet heat almost too much for him to handle. “Atta girl, grippin’ me tight.” He smirks, drinking in the moans and cries that came from your lips.
Sam leans down and captures your lips in a soft kiss, much different from the other two on a mission to ravage your poor body. One of his hands tangles in your hair while the other is shoved down his pants, palming his shaft over his boxers. He was waiting, itching to have a go at you.
Your eyes flutter open, hazy gaze meeting James', whose eyes were sparkling with a devious triumph. “You gonna let us cum inside ya sweetiepie?” He asks, moving his hips in a rhythm that compliments Scott's. Since you were stretched so far and the friction was so great, the two of them had to find something that worked.
“Fuck, ‘m close,” Scott moans, his fingers digging into the flesh of your sides, tugging at you. The desperation in his voice is almost laughable. Sam breaks the kiss with a snicker. “Think it’s been like two minutes, dude. Pull out, let me.” Scott nods and does so, his cock glistening with your juices as he crawls out from underneath you.
With everyone out of the way, the three of them looming over you like a hungry pack of wolves, you can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. The others join in, the sound of their laughter mixing with the shuffling around. “I can’t even sit right,” you giggle, running your hands through your damp hair.
“I know. It’ll be fine babycakes. Get up.” James grins, turning you over so you were now on your tummy. “Gonna run a train through ya baby. Ready?” He lifts your hips, hands coming to rest on your ass. “Gonna take all of us, yeah?” His sweet talking distracted you from the way the teens were maneuvering your body, putting you in a position they wanted you.
James spits down onto his cock, lubing it up before he pushes the tip of it against your tight cunt. He grunts, feeling the resistance, but he’s determined. With a swift thrust, he breaches you, his cock sinking deeper with each rock of his hips, making your pussy stretch open. The boys, not to be outdone, get to work on their part. Sam guides his cock into your inviting mouth, your tongue swirling around his cockhead while your saliva bathes him. Scott groans, smacking your cheek with his own member, smearing precum onto your skin. “Fuck yeah,” he grins. “Take it like that baby, take Sam’s dick in your mouth.”
“Ghhk- hhg, kkh-” you gag on Sam’s cock, eyes shut as you struggle to breathe. Your body is a mess of pleasure, tits bouncing with every thrust, your pussy gripping James’ cock and your mouth moving up and down Sam’s. Your moans are muffled, but it only makes it all the more arousing. Sam pulls out and his dick is replaced with his brother’s, Scott’s tip hitting the back of your throat. The springs in the old, cheap mattress squeak and creak underneath the combined weight of the four of you.
Scott’s fingers tangle in your hair and grip your skull, being fed off the sounds of you choking and struggling. “Fucking take it, don’t fucking stop,” he growls, teeth gritting. “I wan’ cum on ‘er face,” Sam chimes in, getting off the bed, hand beginning to fist his cock as he waits for the other two. Following suit, James pulls out and so does Scott, the pair pulling you down onto the floor.
You cough, attempting to catch your breath before they get their hands on you again. You steady yourself with your hands on the dingy carpet, getting ready for the facial. “Fuck babygirl, close your eyes and stick that tongue out.” James commands, watching as you oblige. “Oh shit, keep it right there,” Scott pants, and you let out a surprised squeal as your face is covered in sticky sperm. You give an open-mouthed giggle and slowly open your eyes, keeping your tongue out.
It frosted your nose and cheeks and tongue, and your lashes were matted as you looked up at the three of them, meeting their satisfied expressions. Hopefully there would be a second class for James’ anatomy course.
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ılıl﹕𖥻 . @addictedtohobi , @102hannah , @emmaloo21 , @vixxensvoid , @ilovekmchenzie ﹒📧
ılıl﹕𖥻 . @laylaplease , @brooklynb8by , @geekforhorror , @gallerygourmet , @anakinsbbgirl ﹒📧
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ılıl﹕𖥻 . @t03soup , @trippyhippywitch , @valloos , @demieyesore , @piastricentric ﹒📧
ılıl﹕𖥻 . @s1aywalker , @s1ck-skv1l , @catnipaddictt , @gabsskkk , @slutforfinnickodair﹒📧
ılıl﹕𖥻 . @realscott , @jediavengers , @enchant5d , @zapernz , @starlmbed﹒📧
ılıl﹕𖥻 . @offthethirlwall , @tfmerc , @dazednstars141 , @anisluvrgirl , @stepdadjameskelly﹒📧
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ılıl﹕𖥻 . @necromancerrrs , @decaffeinatedunicorn , @speaknow-sw , @lunarnightt﹒📧
ılıl﹕𖥻 .  @jyinnc , @haydenslittlegirl ﹒📧
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randomsloredrops · 2 months ago
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Random's Lore Drops - Canon Fall but in past tense Sans
Y'know, It'd be funny if I made a post about an Undertale AU character that I originally believed in the fanon version (mainly just the being edgy version). So, uh...
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(Art by THE Underfella themselves)
This is the Canon Underfell design, by Fella.
(Before we get started, here's canonfell brother relationship so i can cut away some of the lore that's already explained right here.)
I'll be going from the oldest post I can find from Fella, to the newest lore post I can find. Numero uno consists of...
Canon Fell Sans' sneakers. More specifically, why the hell does he wear them instead of slippers? Just design choice? Or maybe it's because he's not allowed to? Nah. According to Fella themselves, "he likes the squeaky sound it makes because everyone hates it". So basically, he likes to squeak the shoes on the floor like he's on a basketball court.
Second post, why the hell does mf sweat so damn much? Well, first reason, he starts to sweat when he's angry. Second reason, because of the Sick Ass Jacket��️ that he got from making Grillby laugh. I mean, have you seen how thick it is? I'd be sweating too.
Random post I had to find, how did Sans get his jacket? Well, it's obvious of course, I said it before. He made Grillby laugh (unintentionally), and when you make Grillby laugh in Underfell, he gives you a smaller version of his coat. Now Sans is kitted with Sick Ass Jacket™️ and was forced to dress better, wearing said Sick Ass Jacket™️, a turtleneck, a gold chain (that's usually under said turtleneck), basketball shorts, and squeaky squeaky.
Third (lore relevant) post, the brothers dynamic. They DON'T hate eachother. On the fucking contrary. They both care for eachother, and don't really express it all too well. Brother relationship post HERE.
Fourth post, he's got 5 rings. 5 sick ass (not trademarked) rings, and the reason he can wear them is because he uses his magic so they don't fall off. From Fella themselves, the reason he has them on is because "the guy wants to flex so hard he’s constantly using his powers to keep them there. He doesn’t even think about it, he has so much power to spare he might as well “live” a little." So yeah, he uses his magic to keep wearing his rings cause he can.
Fifth post? Sans canonically CAN ball (so can Frisk, but Frisk is scarier)
Sixth, he's capable of opening his mouth. But it's usually when he's in battle, otherwise it won't ever open, because he's never under enough stress to have enough power for such.
Seventh, mf's eye is always glowing, no matter what. Mainly because he's had so much stress and emotional trauma, his magic is piled up, so his magic sorta does some wacky shit, like make his coat look cool.
Eighth, an almighty lore post by Fella, explaining how Sans awoke his powers and also how Papyrus got scar. Long story short, Gaster went missing, Sans was to take the blame, his punishment was Asgore crushing his skull, Paps retaliated, got hired and had his skull scratched through for a scar, and Sans got pissed off and woke his magic.
Ninth (nineth? idfk) semi-unrelated one is that Sans is the ONLY character not directly affiliated with Asgore who wears red and gold.
The rest I find from a canonfell wiki. Such as, he likes mustard and relish more than ketchup, and prefers knock-knock jokes to puns. Supposedly one of his more favorite drinks is a green martini, either appletini or honey dew martini, with larger quantities being a margarita
oh shit there's an official ask about sans hates women underfell (or technically a nod to it), which then displays that "i sans underfell love woimen", by the very words of sans underfell himself. REAL!
Oh yeah, he canonically sells chimichangas instead of hotdogs. His provider is not the store, but instead Papyrus. And according to this wiki, he gave Papyrus a hang-in-there cat poster as a joke, and Papyrus hung it up on the wall.
anyways thats all the lore i will feed you and that the wiki has fed me. goodbye.
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mamayan · 1 year ago
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★MANNERS☆
Shigaraki Tomura x Fem! Reader x Shuichi Iguchi (Spinner)
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Tomura and Spinner decide Katsuki’s lil sis needs to learn some manners. Tomura is happy to help.
TW: DARK CONTENT • NONCON (full on) • NSFW • Alcohol consumption • Forced alcohol consumption (anally) • Abuse/Manipulation • Gaslighting • Piss • Forced Enema (using beer) • Oral (M) • PIV • Rough Sex • Degradation/Humiliation • Fem! Reader • Quirkless/College AU • Not proof read!
A/N: Don’t come for me, I had a dream and needed to get it out lol
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“Man don’t fuckin’—! Shit! Go left! Go fuckin’ left dammit’! NO! Fuck!” The controller went sailing across the room, hitting drywall and knocking down a corner of a poorly taped up poster near the stairwell.
“Hey dickwad, watch the fuckin’ face,” Dry eyes, bloodshot from staring at the tv all night, looked up.
You looked pissed, hair messy and face and clothing crumpled like you’d just rolled out of bed.
“It three in the morning you shitheads, shut up!” Your screech was akin to a pterodactyl, eyes blazing with fury as you pointed a manicured finger at all of them. “I have class in the morning! Shut this shit off and go to bed.” Like the whirlwind you appeared as, you were gone, stomping loudly up the cheap wooden stairs leading up from the basement smelling of stale beer and weed.
“What a—,”
“Cunt.” Tomura finished, looking at his friend with a roll of his eyes.
“She always such a bitch?” Tomura asks, curiously looking up at your ass as you slam the door shut behind you.
Shuichi looked awkward, “She’s his lil sis, so yeah, kind of always a bitch.”
“No shit? She’s firecracker’s sister?” Tomura looked shocked by the information before scoffing. “Makes sense then,” he’s back to focusing on the game, and the two resume their shouting contest at the tv.
They don’t know they’d be getting redecorated with kitchen condiments when they emerged from downstairs.
“Who the fuck?!” Spinner was nearly in tears, hot sauce directly in his eyes.
Tomura was oddly silent though despite standing slumped with ketchup and mayo dripping down his cheek, glaring balefully beneath his bangs as you snorted and tossed the empty bottle of mustard onto the floor. “I know shit for brains at least pays rent here, but you don’t,” you’re once again pointing a finger at him. “Listen crusty, me and my bro pay most of the mortgage, and then the other half is paid by Touya’s rich daddy and his pocket change.” Shuichi’s glare flattens a bit in fear under your icy stare as you glance at him like a bug beneath your foot. “You come over here all the damn time just to scream at the tv and lose, so do us all a favor, and stop showing your lotion needing ass around anymore.”
You leave just like that, finally feeling free from the incessant noise and nonsense as you get ready for your first class of the day, knowing your lab in the evening would be followed by a good night’s rest, finally.
Or not—
You return in the evening to another house party, furiously wondering which idiot set it up this time. Was it Katsuki or Touya? Shuichi was too much a follower and introvert to set up his own. The entire neighborhood was awake it seemed and eager to get drunk and wild, college students spilling out the seams of your home as you groan and push your way inside. Hands grab at you from all angles, only to feel the prick of your sharp nails in retaliation.
You spotted the spiky blonde hair of your idiot brother, his scowl matching your own as you confront him.
“The fuck dude?”
“Don’t fuck dude me, th’fuck’r doin’ home early?” He’s clearly intoxicated despite his stone faced demeanor, speech slurred as he sways a little. A pretty girl is looking at you with irritation for having interrupted her capture of prey.
“Put the nails away Babezilla, he’s my fuckin’ brother,” you sneer, rolling your eyes as you level him with a new found glare from the depths of hell.
“Everyone better be out before midnight or I’m lighting this shit on fire and claiming the insurance on the house and your body.”
“D’you take out insurance on my fuckin’ life?”
“Fuck around and find out.” With that you leave, Katsuki’s stunned face slowly morphing into one of rage as he screams out after you, held back by the girl half his size holding on to him like a desperate dog owner to their hound who smells blood.
Unbeknownst to you, you’re being watched. Carefully. As you sashay around the dirty house party, despite your terrible attitude, telling people what time to leave.
“I think she needs to learn a lesson in manners.” Shuichi glances over at Tomura, watching the young male scratch as his neck till red begins to pull up and spill. The crimson against his almost grayish skin looks ghastly.
“Y-yeah man…” something about the violent look in those garnet eyes makes him nervous.
“Go tell her I’m trying to take a piss on her bed.”
“Dude what? Why would I do that?” Shuichi looks stunned, making a face of pure confusion and revulsion. “That’s fuckin’ gross.” He receives an eye roll, chuckling beneath his breath.
“Just do it Spinner, remember where her room is?” Tomura points out, cocking a brow as if the purple haired male would catch on. He doesn’t, but Shuichi doesn’t want to admit so, nodding with a look of hesitation. “What exactly are you going to do when she gets up there?”
“Remember? A lesson in manners of course.”
Tomura happily grabs a freely left out six pack of beer, the glass long bottles cool and still dripping perspiration as they heat up in the room filled with liquored up sweaty bodies. The paper handle carefully balancing the weight of each one as he strolls up stairs, finishing his own drink of mixed hard liquors that still haven’t hit his system fully yet. Your room is on the third floor, more of a loft than anything, where you’d had a wall and door built to block out noise and add privacy. You have the most sound proof room in the house, the most secluded room in the house, and the most secure room in the house. Your brother made sure of it, throwing up extra locks as you insisted on getting a house with him near campus. Tomura is happy he found this information out through Shuichi, using his gaming friend to siphon out everything there is to know about you.
Despite your mean attitude, you’re quite the good friend. Well liked and adored on campus, pretty girl with a cute smile when you chose to use it. His own lips crack as they pull up into a grin, easily finding your room and closing the door. A normal bedroom, nothing special, with cute added decorations here and there as well as your books and study supplies left on your desk and bedside table. Tomura leaves the beer on your desk, finishing his drink and throwing the plastic red cup to the floor as he grunts and unzips his pants, freeing his limp chub as he steps up onto your bed.
He wasn’t kidding. He pissed all over your cute stuffed animals, pillows and blankets, releasing his foul pent up urine where you sleep.
“Ah fuck,” he groans, head falling back as he relaxes and fully empties his bladder just as the door slams open and you enter.
“No fuckin’ way— YOU SICK FUCKIN’ ANIMAL! THAT’S DISGUSTING!” Your shriek falls on deaf ears, the party drowning out your screeching perfectly. He doesn’t even turn his body, only his head as he looks down at your seething face with a lopsided grin.
“Aw, decided to join the fun now, Princess?” His scratchy rough voice isn’t slurred in the least, and it doesn’t take a lot to guess he’s mostly sober. Tomura shakes his cock a few times, making sure every drop hit your now soaked bed, before pulling up his boxers alone.
“Lock the door Spin.” He orders casually, and the ever eager Shuichi obeys, eyes wide in shock because Tomura really did it. He’s almost impressed, feeling something in his chest swell to see you so upset. All the times you’d mocked him as a loser who couldn’t afford to pay rent… it was true but that was besides the point.
“The fuck do you think you’re doing shit for brains?!” Shuichi flinched when you reeled on him now, but he held his ground as Tomura hopped to the floor, dropping his pants entirely now and kicking them off. It was comical the look on your face, eyes going wide and a hint of fear tinting your features before you masked it with rage. “You want to die or something? My brother will—,”
“Your brother is getting his cock gobbled like a turkey on Thanksgiving by the bitch I paid to do it. He’s not doing shit else tonight.” Tomura’s smile is vile, white teeth offset by his pale sickly skin as he chuckles, removing his shirt next.
The marks on his body can only be from some sort of self harm, scratch marks everywhere, scabs covering a majority.
“I’ve always liked your nails.” He starts, slowly backing you into Shuichi who seems more nervous than you at this point. Your glare is still in place, defiant pretty eyes sparked with emotion he’s dying to extinguish. “You’re wearing makeup today too.” He notes gleefully, and the way his face lights up almost childishly sends chills down your spine. A blaring red alarm is sounding as you realize his intentions aren’t just to vandalize your room.
“Tomura stop this right now—hck!?” It catches everyone but him off guard when he slaps you across the face, sending you to the floor as you gaze dazedly at your carpet for a moment.
“Shut the fuck up,” he sneers, rolling his eyes as you cough and sputter for a second. It’s the only second he needs to grab a fistful of your hair and haul you up, dragging you to your desk and swiping everything off and onto the floor to smash your face to the table. “You always scream and yell. It’s annoying how you always run your mouth slut.”
“Stop—! I’ll really scream! HELP! SOMEO—mhm!” He doesn’t hesitate to lift your head and slam it as hard as he can onto the table, effectively and violently silencing you.
“Holy shit dude—,” Shuichi halts when Tomura levels him with a glare. His eyes drop to you, even more rocked and dazed as a few tears leak down your cheeks.
“Since you like screaming so much…” he’s scratching as his neck with his free hand, cracking his knuckles after and dropping his hand to the waist band of your leggings. Your ears still ring from the blow, allowing him to easily pull your pants and underwear down to expose your lower half. He only pulls it down halfway, exposing your cunt and bare ass.
“Hey man, maybe we should stop…” Shuichi takes another step forward, eyes nervously looking at your exposed skin and limp figure against your desk.
“Nah, this bitch is getting a lesson taught tonight.” Tomura nods for Shuichi to come closer, his friend awkwardly shuffling closer. “Hold her arms behind her back and her face down.” Tomura helps grab both of your wrists, twisting them behind your back and pressing them down. He ignores your whimper, letting Shuichi hold you down now so he could free both hands.
Shuichi simply watches as Tomura grabs a beer, biting the cap off and spitting it on the floor as he saunters closer. Taking a few swigs, he grins and crouches down behind you, laughing as you flinch away from his hand on your ass.
“P-please stop—hii!” He only answers with a sharp slap to your ass and a giggle, deforming the soft doughy flesh with his hand and nails sinking in. Spreading one cheek wide, Tomura brings the lip of the bottle to the tight rosebud of your back entrance.
“Holy shit—,”
“No! No please!”
He ignores you and Shuichi, pressing forward and breaching your ass with the bottle and delighting in the squeal you make, legs going taunt and straight as the desk and Shuichi’s grip prevents you from going anywhere as he sinks about three inches of the bottle neck inside your ass.
“Bottoms up, bitch.” Tomura laughs, tilting the bottle up and watching the liquid begin to bubble and pop, disappearing inside of you as you groan and writhe for freedom, panic and tears painting your face. Keeping the bottle in place as he forces the beer inside you, Tomura leans up and over to lick the smearing mascara running down your cheek. The salt and chalky taste making his cock swell up into a tent in his boxers.
“Fuck man, is this even okay? I-I don’t wanna go to jail or some shit,”
“You won’t. She won’t say a thing.”
“W-why?”
“Look at her cunt.”
It didn’t matter how much you cried or babbled out pleas, the slick literally dripping from your cunt to the floor in a slimy along your thighs was undeniable.
“Get your phone out and record.” They switch places so Shuichi can do as he’s told, Tomura holding you down much more roughly now.
Shuichi finds it hard to swallow as he digs past his own hard cock to grab his phone out, shakily opening up the camera and hitting film. He doesn’t need to be told to set up facing the scene, using a book shelf on the other end of the room as a stand. He takes his position again holding you, Tomura once more free to do as he pleased.
When the bottle is empty, Tomura pulls it free roughly from your stinging ass with an audible pop.
“Looks like you still got room, hm?”
“Oh god, please, Tomura stop,” your sniffling and little whines don’t soften his heart as he bites another cap off, leaning his own face against the desk to keep the contact as he pressed the new bottle inside your ass. The cool glass contrasted against your warming insides, the feeling of being full hard not to focus on as the alcohol slowly heated you. The liquid goes in faster as he tips it up high, forcing you on your tip toes to avoid tearing your poor hole as he gleefully watches the horror and humiliation on your features.
“Little butt chugging bitch likes having her ass played with huh?” Tomura teases, playfully pressing the now empty bottle in and out of your sore hole, enjoying the tiny wail you release.
“Yeah you like it.”
“I-I don’t—!” He doesn’t care to listen as he fucks you with the glass bottle head, sitting up to watch your hole take it as his cock twitches and soaked his boxers with pre-cum.
“S-shit man I’needa’,” Shuichi feels his mind go blank, pressing his denim clothed cock against your outer thigh and rutting his hips against it like a dog. Tomura snickers watching his friend blow his load in his pants, not seeing the hypocrisy when he does the same not a moment later watching you whimper and take another bottle.
He stops as three, yanking his boxers down and pressing his uncut cock-head right up against your tight hole and releasing before he can even enter.
“Shit,” he moans, pressing Shuichi out of the way to pin your body with his own weight as he rubs against your ass with his release coating your skin. “Holding all that liquid must hurt, huh?” He huffs against your neck, sucking on the skin and breaking the capillaries when he bites down hard enough to draw blood.
Your scream echoes around the room, the floor vibrating as the party downstairs rages on without a clue to your plight.
You groan at Tomura wiggles his full weight on you, your lower belly feeling like it may burst any moment, panic settling into your gut.
“I-I need to p-pee…” Tomura moans, rocking his hardening cock against you while you struggle beneath him.
“Pee then,” he grunts, focusing on rubbing against your sloppy pussy, “So fuckin’ wet. You been wantin’ this?”
“Hey man…” Shuichi had decided to join his friend in stripping to his boxers, no longer pretending to have a moral compass as he stroked his own cock to the sight before him.
“Yeah I gotcha,” Tomura easily stands and brings you up, still restrained with his hands as he drags to the bathroom attached to your room. Shuichi follows, stunned when Tomura just drops you to the floor and presses a foot on your lower abdomen.
“S’too much, please,” you writhe like a bug, Shuichi’s eyes watching as you try and get away only to be pinned harder with Tomura’s foot.
The liquid stored inside you has no where else to go but out.
“Fuckin’ nasty bitch, shit,” Tomura watches in fascination as the liquid spills out, only beer coming out as you sob and lay on the tile. Despite his words he works his cock to the sight. “Cheap enema.” He notes, grabbing your wrist and hauling you to the shower. “Turn it on Spin,” dragging your poor figure into the shower and stripping you down naked. The water is freezing at first, your flinches and pathetic pleas as Tomura dumps soap over your head and body ignored. He uses the detachable shower head to wash you like an animal, roughly soaping you up and spraying you off, careless about nearly drowning you as he washes your face a little.
He does a poor job, but you’re somewhat clean, makeup still smeared lightly on your face as your dragged out dripping wet back into your bedroom.
He doesn’t hesitate to throw you on your bed.
“Fuckin’ gross man…” Shuichi frowns, but he doesn’t hesitate to grab you despite the scent of urine turning him off slightly.
You fight now though, wildly flailing limbs struggling as you scream and wail for anyone to hear you. No one does, as Tomura shamelessly climbs into the bed with you, boxers gone and completely naked as he helps Shuichi press you to your hands and knees. Tomura positioned behind you and Shuichi by your face.
“Please… I-I’m sorry…” they pause, your voice so tiny they barely heard it.
“Speak up, whore, we can’t hear you.” Tomura yanks your face up by your hair, your neck twisting painfully back as you sob.
“I’m sorry!”
“For what?!” Tomura sneers, using your head like a joystick and rattling you around.
“F-for saying mean things, a-and throwing food o-on you…”
“That all?” He asks, cock pressed up against the entrance to your cunt threateningly.
“P-please Tomura… Shuichi…”
“Since you’re begging,” Tomura laughs, surging his hips forward and shoving his cock into your warm tight cunt. You release a silent scream this time, choking on air as his cock fills you this time, each thick inch drilling into you as he starts wildly bucking into you with little regard to your pleasure.
“Fuck her face Spin,” Tomura grunts, drawing blood on your ass as his nails bite in, fucking hard up into your pussy, soft mushroom tip unsheathing and kissing up against your cervix.
“R-right…” Shuichi feels guilty seeing your tear streaked face, wet hair clinging to your skin and watery eyes looking at him for mercy. It doesn’t stop him from cupping your jaw and lifting your head up to press his cock against your lips.
Tomura lands a sharp hit to your rear, moaning as you tighten at the bolt of pain it caused. “Better suck him good, or I’ll let him have your ass.” That seems to motivate you, soft lips parting open and accepting Shuichi’s much thicker cock into your mouth. Shuichi unexpectedly had the biggest cock you’d ever seen, the reddish tip and veiny shaft intimidating as you do your best to lick and suck despite the sweaty sour odor clinging to him.
“That’s not how sluts suck cock, is it?” Tomura growls, forcing your head forward on the hesitant Shuichi’s cock and gagging you while the purple haired man moans. “O-oh fuck!” He grips your face from the front while Tomura fucks you rough and hard from behind. “That’s it Princess! Nice and deep!” Tomura cackles, focusing back on railing you senseless while Shuichi finally snaps and face fucks you properly.
“So good—fuck, your mouth is so warm,” he’s nearly in tears himself as he feels his tip slip into your tight throat, eyes rolling back as he works his hips now, watching drool and tears mix around your mouth and drop down onto his balls as they smack your chin. “A-almost done, almost done,” he moans, loving how your oxygen deprived mind slackens your jaw more so he can slip even deeper, your tongue licking at a vein under his shaft every thrust. “So fuckin’ good wh-when you shut up, heh,” he’s delirious on pleasure, loving the submissive look in your eyes as they gaze up pleadingly at him. “Cute when this mouth is used for something productive.” Shuichi laughs breathlessly, balls drawing up tight as he finally spills down your throat. “Fuck! Swallow! Swallow it all—!” His face and body scrunch up, nearly doubling over as he presses your nose against his pelvis and comes down your throat.
You black out. Limp figure gurgling on hot spunk spilling down your face as you drop to the soaked bed while Tomura supports your lower half up to keep fucking you. Your eyes barely open as the room spins, cunt clamping down like a vice on Tomura’s cock when he uses one hand to half heartedly rub at your swollen clit.
“Shit, gonna bite my dick off,” he moans despite the almost uncomfortable tightness, working your pussy up further as you spasm and soak his lower half, eyes rolling back. “Ah fuck, that’s it bitch, make a mess!” Tomura nearly whines, hips becoming jerky as you milk him for all he’s worth, his cum finally spilling inside you now.
“Bet you ain’t on birth control huh? Gonna knock you up whore.” He grunts, trying to fuck his spend back into you with his softening cock, overstimulating himself as he moans and whimpers against your back.
When he pulls out, a string of sticky fluids connect his cock to your pussy even when he’s completely out of you. He watches with a grin as his white cum dribbles out of your used hole. “Look at that. You do have some potential after all. At least for a cock sleeve that is.” He snickers, leaving you in a heap on your bed as he and Shuichi start to dress, grabbing the phone and coming back to film the aftermath.
“Say a word and I’ll send this to everyone. Do you hear me?” He doubts you really do, the fucked out look on your face making you appear stupid as you numbly nod a little. “Now say ‘Thank you Tomura and Spinner, for using my slutty holes’.” Tears leak freely as you stutter, “Th-thank you T-Tomura a-and Spinner…for u-using my s-slutty holes…”
“Good girl. I knew we could teach you some manners.” He grins, eyes crinkling around the edges darkly as he stares at your used figure still trembling and dripping cum.
“Let’s go, I’m in the mood to game a lil,” Tomura comments, wiping his cock with your panties and stuffing them in his back pocket as he buttons and zips up his fly. Shuichi follows, nodding as he dresses and fixes his clothes, eyes not leaving you though.
“Don’t worry. We can use her again later. I still got a few more brews.” Tomura chuckles, lifting the half empty pack up.
You wake in a panic, blood pumping fast and heart pounding. Your room is as you left it, eyes scanning your clean and un-pissed in bed and sheets. Your body is clean besides a sheen of sweat coating you, hands trembling as you dip a finger into your panties to find yourself soaking wet.
Did you have a wet dream about those two losers?
As if…
You found sleep was hard to come by as you kept imagining.
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Dividers/@cafekitsune
452 notes · View notes
thecynthh · 10 months ago
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STARSTURNS - M.S
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summery - going out to a concert with one of y/n friends, a weird turn is taken when matt makes a move.
notes - SMUT, ROCKSTAR MATTY POOOOO, guys im a virgin idk how sex works MADE FOR MY GIRLY @ihrtchris love u girl hope the wait was worth it <3 NOT PROOFREAD
a/n - guys it looked longer than it is i promise
also the bolded parts during the concert means its the song lyrics, also i love this song
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the bustling noises of a busy kitchen fill my ears as i hear people shout and flames crackle. “so i think i'll have a sweet tea and a number 6 please.” i ask the waiter as she takes my order. 
“of course ma’am and for you?” cadence’s eyes swept over the whole menu again before speaking. 
“lemonade and a number 2 please!” the waiter nodded towards us and walked off to the kitchen. 
“hey are you busy tonight? i’m free and have nowhere to go, was hoping you knew about a party or something later.” i knew cay would know about any parties happening tonight, she was an epic journalist and worked for the editorial company i was at. 
“hm, come to think of it, no, i don’t think so. didn’t get an invite, i guess all the famous people are taking a break from being bitchy and petty.” i laugh at her statement about the rich and famous, we’ve met countless celebrities and models and almost all of them were like cay said, bitchy and petty. 
“come onnnn the one night i'm free from work and there’s nothing happening.” i drop my head dramatically on the table, careful not to hit the ketchup and mustard. 
“well….” cadence trailed off.
“well what???” i almost break my neck looking up at her. 
“i mean i saw a poster for this band, and they are playing at pacific square if you wanna go watch it, im down if you are.” cadence offered. 
“a concert? im not sure, i mean if the guys are cute” i joked. 
“ouh girl, i sure can tell you they are so hot.” she pulls out her phone looking through her photos. she taps on it and shows it to me. oh shit. they were really hot. 
the one thing that cay forgot to mention was that the band that was playing in our home town was starsturns. “WAIT! you mean starsturns is playing here??”
“okay, im convinced, i think i just found my husband.” i practically threw cay’s phone back to her, feeling a small piece of drool develop on the corner of my mouth looking at the drummer. 
“show starts at 8 i’ll be at your house with the uber.” cay says slipping her phone back into her pocket 
“holy shit i can’t believe we are going to see starsturns!!!” 
the ding of a bell goes off and we see the waiter sway towards us with our plates of food. i guess i have plans tonight. 
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getting to the venue was a little troubling due to the death inducing trafic we were stuck in but cay is very much a hardass so when we did get to the venue she shoved her way to the front. 
“move your asses, two super fans over here!!!” cay’s enthusiasm scares people which lets us pass through sort of easily. 
being right at the rails that has to be only a metre away from the stage gets me riled up, we hear the curtains draw and and the stage lights get low. 
the sun just started to set and the neon flashes of their large stage lights flicker at the audience. the leader singer and lead guitarist chris looks behind him peering over his shoulder to the audience. the girls yelled and shouted, he was definitely a lady killer. 
chris began strumming his guitar in a steady pace as his brother nick, on the bass, keeps a steady beat emerging from the shadows. 
a slow rhythm on the drums begin to build up, slowly getting faster and with each tap of the snare the lights get brighter, and brighter. 
matt is revealed to the fans in such an epic way as the fans, including me and cadence goes crazy. 
the crash of matt’s cymbals begins their set list as their first song begins. 
time seemed to have lasted forever as they now have moved to a couple of slower songs that are more lyric focused. i throw my head back as i belt the lyrics living in pure harmony. this was my favourite song and i wanted to soak up every moment. 
chris noticed and waved a hand towards cadence and i letting security know to let us onto the stage. i shake cadence to snap her out of her little trance and yank her to the small stairs that lead up the stairs, a smile graces chris’ face as we run up to him. 
cay takes his hand as he spins her around, i stand back trying not to get hit by her long hair. i try to cover my mouth as i giggle a little seeing her have her moment with her favourite group member. i start skipping around the stage still keeping up with the song soon coming up to nick as he keeps his eyes on me as his bass still continues strumming. 
i lock eyes with matt, coming over to the back of his drum kit and wrapping my arms around his neck, 
“i dont wanna lose you now, 
im looking right at the other half of me” 
i sang my heart out as i hug matt while he kept his hand and foot trained on the instrument. he detaches the mic that was for his vocals and passes it to me, im a little shocked by his action but understand what he wants from me. 
i take the mic and start to sing. 
“show me how to fight for now,
and i tell you baby it was easy”
i felt alive. my idols and i sing this song with our hearts. i belt and add accents to my voice and really feel myself in the song. i bring the mic down to matt as we both sing into the mic as chris and matt begin to chant “you are, you are the love of my life” underneath my vocals letting me take the lead on the song. 
“you are my reflection, and all i see is you”
the song ends and i’m panting from using an excessive amount of air for singing and from prancing around. matt and my eyes never leave each other caught up in the moment. 
“give it up to y/n and cadence for singing this song with us!” chris yells into the mic. he holds up his signature rock n’ roll sign showing it to the fans, “thank you guys for coming out here tonight! love you all, have a good night!” with the last echo of his message to the fans the curtains move down and everything but the crowd lights turn off, still providing light for those going home. 
i hop down from matt’s little stage leaving the microphone i’ve been using on a table that was next to matt and meet up with cay at the front of the stage. 
cay was engaged in a conversation with nick and chris, talking to them like they’ve been friends since forever. 
“oh my gosh, thank you for letting us up on stage like that chris!” i knew cay was fangirling underneath her cool calm and collected front. 
don’t get me wrong, chris is very attractive, but simply not my type. i didn’t feel as strongly about him as i did with matt. 
“oh come on you guys are great singers! especially you y/n.” chris says as i walk over, i feel a wave of embarrassment wash over me with that compliment. 
“ah- thank you but it’s getting late, cay call an uber i’ll meet you by the gates in a second, just gotta run to the bathroom. 
i pat my pockets checking for my phone that wasn’t there. i make a quick run to matt checking his whole set up for it. when i pick it up i immediately get caught in someone’s hand. 
matt’s muscular hand grips my bare arm causing all my attention to look up to the man above me. “hey,” his voice is lower so his brothers don’t hear. “we are staying at a hotel tonight then sightseeing tomorrow, we’ll be in town for a night or two. we thought we’d visit our parents and take in the home town scene again before we travel again. was wondering if you wanted to come with me to our hotel.” 
“you can come to my house-“ i blurt out. “m-more privacy and it’s not that far from here or whatever your hotel is. i can get you back there just in time for your brothers to wake up…”
“ah, sounds like a plan, we just gotta take our equipment to our bus then i’ll meet you there, how does twelve sound?” he nods understanding my intentions. 
“uh yeah! sounds good, wait lemme give you my numb-“ 
“oh doll, don’t worry about that, gotta be a little careful with who you leave your phone around,” he winks as his grip on me loosens and falls. 
i almost ran out of the venue, finding cadence and the uber waiting outside on the street. “girl come on!” she waves me in letting the uber driver know where we were going. 
i close the door behind me gripping my hands very hard on my phone. cay rests and hand atop mine and looks at me with concern. “hey, what’s up?” 
“matt just- matt- matt invited me to their hotel.. but now we are meeting at my house at twelve.” my eyes are trained on the headrest in front of me. 
“YOU WHAT, HE- HE WHAT????” cay starts freaking out as much as i would’ve if i hadn’t been in such a state of shock. 
“yuuuup,” the uber slows down getting stopped close to my house. “i have his number in my phone, he said he was going to come when i text him my address.” i open my car door seeing as we’ve stopped right in front of my house. 
“all the details tomorrow morning at work !!” she yells as i exit the car, waving thank you to the driver from outside the car i walk to my house to finally freak out. 
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK was i doing?? no way am i about to have a one night stand with the drummer of sturnstars, one of my favourite bands  
i pull my phone out of my pocket to see a new contact that was put in named “hot drummer” with a new number. 
y/n 
you shared your location with “hot drummer”
hot drummer (matt s)
otw!
not too long after i hear the doorbell ring throughout my house and i quickly rush to my front door. taking a deep breath in and out i push down on the large handle seeing matt on the other side of the door. 
matt leans on the side of my door frame looking as delicious as ever. “hey” a smirk grows on his face as he scans my body. the black cropped long sleeve i was wearing was getting clawed at by my long done up nails. my skirt was barely covering my ass and showed a lot of my legs. 
he looked at me like i was his last meal. he launches himself off the door frame as i take him by the hand, leading him to my bedroom. 
he looks around at the posters on the wall, one including their old tour one. his finger glides across the arctic monkeys and slipknot ones. 
“so you're a fan?” he asks coming to sit next to me. 
“yeah you could say that, i’m not crazy tho, some girls are worse. if i’m being honest i didn’t even know you guys were coming here.” i say truthfully 
“so if i do this,” he leans and kisses me, sparks fly in my stomach. “you’ll be okay with it.” 
“and if this happens,” his hand undoes the clasp and zipper on my mini skirt, “you’ll be okay with it?” 
his lips touch mine as i help him moves my skirt down to the floor as i hold the hem of his shirt pulling to take it off. my long sleeve and bra meet the floor not too far after matt’s shirt. 
he manoeuvres on top of me now pressing his raging hard on top of my heat. “please matt,” i say in a whiny voice, feeling more anxious and excited. 
“please what princess?” he teases. 
“please fuck me,” my hand snakes to the nape of his neck as i pull him in for a kiss. his fingers clad with rings, slip into my panties as he makes cold contact with his thumb onto my clit, my eyes roll back feeling him circle around my hole before plunging in. 
“oh- god matt please don’t stop,” i moan feeling him pump in and out of me. a familiar knot builds and snaps quickly due to the constant stimulation. 
“mhh, come on babe, give it to me” i squeeze around his fingers hard before i cum all over his fingers. “good job baby, you did so well, you ready for me?” i nod frantically as he sticks his fingers into my mouth for me to taste myself, letting me such on his two fingers while he tugs on my panties making the small fabric keeping the whole thing together come unloose. 
he's quick to undo his cargo pants letting the baggy material fall, and he tugs down his boxers letting his length spring out. i 
“what the fuck, that is not going to fit in me?!?” he laughs at my surprise, pumping up and down on his monster dick. 
“hey, i’ll take it slow, tonights ‘bout you.” he says hovering over me, “just tell me if it’s too much, alright?” he lines himself up and just puts the tip in, i arch my back in ecstasy feeling so full already. 
“fuck, matt keep going.” he takes this as an invitation to push all the way in. my moans only become more airy as he gets deeper and deeper. 
he gets more confident in his movement and keeps a steady pace, he lifts my leg, folding it by my knee, letting him hit a new spot. 
“mhhh, matt don’t stop.” his pace is steady with him constantly hitting my g-spot, “i-i-”
i couldn’t even get my sentence out before i completely collapsed underneath his arms, letting myself go. “you did such a good job pretty girl, can i cum in you?” 
“YES, yes matt please!” a slight feeling of overstimulation washes over me as matt grunts and shoots his load into me, falling onto my bed next to me. 
“ah, come on, let's get cleaned up. nick and chris are gonna be wondering where i am.” 
who knew, maybe dating a drummer isn’t that bad. 
taglist - @westwiing13 @comet235 @mayhem-72 @pepsiimaxx @strniolosworld
taglist is open !
333 notes · View notes
Some incorrect quotes from a silly generator plus mystic (my oc). Enjoy cause I loved imagining these scenarios with this dumbass and the bois
Mystic: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited
Dust: If?
Axe: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die."
Mystic: Hey, Killer? Can I get some dating advice?
Killer: Just because I’m with Color doesn’t mean I know how I did it.
Mystic: We need to get through this locked door. Killer, give me your credit card.
Killer: Here.
Mystic, pocketing it: Thanks. Axe, kick down the door.
Mystic: Don't worry, I got a plan.
Killer: Alright.
Mystic: TraitorSayWhat?
Cross: Excuse me?
Mystic: What?
Everyone:
Mystic:
Mystic: No wait-
Mystic: How's the sexiest person here~?
Killer: I don't know, how are they~?
Mystic, flustered: I-
Color, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!
Mystic: Killer and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Color: *Sighing* What did Killer do?
Mystic: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Killer: Who wants a steering wheel?
Mystic: WHY. why did you give Color a KNIFE?!
Killer: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.
Mystic: Now I feel unsafe!
Killer: I’m sorry.
Killer: ... would you like a knife?
Color: HELP! I TOLD MYSTIC I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!
Killer, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Ccino : Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Killer: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Color: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Killer: Good thinking.
Mystic: Wait! just *keep* stabbing me. infinite money.
Color and Ccino: No!
Killer, already nodding and lifting a knife: infinite money
Mystic: Color, can I talk to you for a second?
Color: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Killer are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Mystic: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.
Color: Thats not... Remind me to bring this up later.
Ccino: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Killer: I'm a knife.
Mystic, from across the room: He’s the little spoon.
Mystic: While I’m gone, Killer, you’re in charge.
Killer: Yes!!!
Mystic, whispering: Color, you’re secretly in charge.
Color: Obviously.
Mystic: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Killer: Just rip the bandage off.
Mystic: It’s Mare.
Killer: Put the bandage back on
Mystic: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.
Killer: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Mystic: Yes!
Color: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.
Mystic: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Killer: Okay, but what is updog?
Color: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Mystic: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Color: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Mystic: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Color: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Mystic: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Color: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Killer: What’s a henway??
Mystic: Oh, about five pounds.
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Mystic: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Cross: ...I did. I broke it.
Mystic: No. No you didn't. Dust?
Dust: Don't look at me. Look at the boss.
Nightmare: What?! I didn't break it.
Dust: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Nightmare: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Dust: Suspicious.
Nightmare: No, it's not!
Killer: If it matters, probably not, but Axe was the last one to use it.
Axe: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Dust: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Axe: I chew on the wooden sticks. Everyone knows that, Dust!
Cross: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Mystic.
Mystic: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Axe: Mystic... Killer’s been awfully quiet.
Killer: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Mystic, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Mystic: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Mystic:
Mystic: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Mystic: We need to distract these guys
Killer: Leave it to me
Killer: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Color, Nightmare, and Axe: *Immediately begin arguing*
Dust, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
Mystic: Croissants: dropped
Cross: Road: works ahead
Killer: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Dust: Shavacado: fre
Axe: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Nightmare:
Nightmare, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
Mystic: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Cross: >:O language
Killer: Yeah watch your fucking language
Dust: OKAY WHO TAUGHT CROSS THE FUCK WORD?
Axe: 'The fuck word'.
Nigthmare: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Dust: Oh my god they censored it
Axe: Say fuck, Nightmare.
Killer: Do it, Nighty. Say fuck.
Mystic: Rules are made to be broken.
Cross: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Color: Uh, piñatas.
Killer: Glow sticks.
Axe: Karate boards.
Dust: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Mystic: Rules.
Cross:
*The squad right before Mystic's wedding*
Cross: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Axe: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Ccino: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Dust, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE
Killer and Color: WE HAVE A WEDDING TO GET MARRIED AT.
Mystic: I CAN'T DO IT!
Killer, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Mystic: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Color: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Mystic:
Mystic: I appreciate it,
Mystic: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Cross: Mystic-
Mystic: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Cross: Mystic we gotta-
Mystic: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Mystic: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Mystic, motioning to a picture of Ccino: NOT FUCKIG THIS!
Mystic: Time for plan G.
Nightmare: Don’t you mean plan B?
Killer: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Ace: What about plan D?
Mystic: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Cross: What about plan E?
Mystic: I’m hoping not to use it. Axe dies in plan E.
Dust: I like plan E.
Color: How. How much caffeine have you two had.
Mystic and Killer vibrating: So much.
20 notes · View notes
faded-euphoria · 2 years ago
Note
if you would be so willing to give me some Graves headcanons? PLEASE🫴
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA plz i live him and yes he will be a good boy in this
sfw/ lots of food hcs also i have more so lemme know if you want more
Phillip Graves Casual Headcanons
He like having his chin scratched
IM NOT SORRY FOR THAT BUT HE DOES
i'm pretty sure this guy is late 30's but stressed as shit so he looks a little older
hes a god on the grill but if you ask him to boil pasta you're house will be on fire
he gets mad when his favorite football team doesn't win and yes it would be alabama
he sounds like he's from South Virgina/Northern Tennessee
he never lived on a farm but he had so many friends that did back in high school
definitely has mommy issues
would be supportive of lgbtqia+ but would 100% not get it
he'd try so hard to remember to use preferred pronouns but he'd fuck up and apologize profusely
knows every single shadow company member
blames himself for every single person that dies on all the missions he's been on
loves those Payday peanut bars
he drinks Diet Coke and Coke Zero
his favorite food is a big ass greasy hamburger with pickles, lettuce, tomato, mayo, mustard, cheese, ketchup, and onion rings on it with fries on the side
He's lowkey republican with a seasoning of democrat
he hates chicken nuggets but loves alligator nuggets even though they're literally exactly the same thing
will eat deep fried pickles
his favorite color is tan
he wears flesh colored shirts and khaki shorts or button ups and blue jeans depending on the weather
knows how to ride a horse better than george washington
he washes his ass but not his legs
will go weeks not shaving his beard and then he'll feel gross and shave
sneezes like theres a megaphone attached to his nose
if he's sick he acts like he's on his deathbed
listens to old taylor swift music and know all the lyrics to White Horse.
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jaydizzel2844 · 1 year ago
Text
Marie x Jordan Drabble
(NSFW)
No. 5
Marie is having a pretty good day. She woke up feeling refreshed to a text from Jordan wishing them good luck in their exam today with a gym selfie from their morning workout. Marie shamelessly enjoyed the picture of their partner sweaty and flexing in their smaller form before heading out.
She skipped breakfast to go straight to the lecture hall her exam’s in to get a bit of last minute cramming in which worked out brilliantly cuz the section that she went over happened to what half the exam was about.
She left the exam feeling like she definitely passed and maybe even aced it. The hunger from skipping breakfast started to set in and just as she was trying to remember if there is a vending machine between her and her next lecture hall that she could hit up in the 10 minutes she had before her class; her amazing partner appeared, holding a Vought burger breakfast sandwich.
“Hey, you mentioned that you were skipping breakfast so I thought you be hungry. “ they said, striding over to her. An anxiety seems to hit them and they continue with. “Sorry if this is weird, you don’t have eat it.”
Marie quickly cut off Jordan’s rambling with a kiss. “Thank you so much, you’re to good to me.”
“I have to go to class but… um… you have a good have a good day.” They said, lightly blushing with their big, toothy grin.
“I will,” Marie said, holding up the sandwich “thanks to you. “
The two parted ways, with Marie scarfing her sandwich on her way to class. Any food would have been appreciated but Jordan got her breakfast order perfect (Eggs, bacon and sausage in a role with extra ketchup and a dash of mustard) so an extra thank you was due.
The rest of her day went similarly well, classes were interesting, she didn’t get much homework and she had a great chat with Emma over lunch.
So yeah Marie was having a pretty good day and hoped to end it with some special time with her boyfriend-girlfriend-themfriend.
***
To Jordan 💙🤍
Hey, I’m done with class for the day. Would you like to hang out?
From Jordan 💙🤍
Ye
im just hanging in my dorm
To Jordan 💙🤍
Omw
***
Marie let herself into Jordan’s room (she knows the password) to find Jordan sitting on the couch, furiously pressing buttons on their PlayStation controller.
“Hey, two secs.” They said not taking their eyes off the screen.
“Take your time.” She said, taking off her shoes and putting down her bag. By the time she was done, Jordan had finished and put down the controller.
“Hey, what do you want to do?”
“I’ve got some ideas.” Marie said as she straddled Jordan on the couch, running her hands through their shoulder length hair.
“I like your ideas.” Jordan said smirking. They switched, unsettling Marie a bit as the lap beneath her raised and widened before leaning in for a kiss.
Jordan’s hands quickly found their way to her ass as her own cradled their face.
“You were very good to me today,” Marie said as she made her way to Jordan’s neck, kissing as she goes. “Taking care of me, bringing me food, even got my order right without me having to tell you. You’re so considerate and you pay attention. You’re honestly just the best. I’m so lucky.”
Jordan moaned as Marie kissed these words into their jaw, neck and collarbone. Marie could feel Jordan’s blood rushing south through her powers and reached a hand down to check.
“Someone’s excited.” She smiled, feeling the tangible evidence of her effect on Jordan.
“Yeah, well…”Jordan blushed and looked away. “You’re grinning on my lap and saying nice things to me. What do you expect.”
“I should say nice things to you more often,” she said kisses their cheek. “It wouldn’t be hard, complementing someone as good as you.”
Jordan wimped.
Marie lightly squeezed their crotch, it was fascinating to feel the blood moving beneath her hand. Rushing into the tissue to expand it, pushing the appendage up against the forces of gravity and Jordan’s jeans. She gets a bit too entranced by the sensation and just sits there, feeling it, for a while.
Jordan cleared their throat. “You ok?”
“Yes. Sorry. The blood flow… it’s interesting. Anyway I shouldn’t just sit here holding your dick, that’s weird.” Marie stammered out, blushing furiously. ‘Why do I have to be so fucking weird’ she thought to herself. ‘I’ve exploded the blood in a dick before. This is probably freaking them out. I need to get off them and leave right now.’
“I’m actually totally ok with you holding my dick.” Jordan said with a laugh, their hands on her ass tighten a bit as though they could tell she was about to make a break for it. “You can do whatever you want, I trust you.”
Marie leaned her forehead against Jordan’s, taking a deep breath. “Thanks,” she said, trying to get things back on track as she began to slowly unbutton their jeans “why don’t you show me exactly what you’d like me to do with your dick?”
“Oh I’d be delighted to.”
128 notes · View notes
kerakeriza · 3 months ago
Note
may i ask why you dislike the gray suit of damian, while I don't have an opinion on it I'm genuinely curious to yours
OH I AM HAPPY TO ELABORATE!!! please excuse how angry i sound. that is because i have been frustrated and angry all freaking day and i am so so glad to have an outlet for that anger via totally destroying the absolute TRAINWRECK that is his ugly gray suit.
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here is the reference picture i will be using.
literally the worst color balance ever. why are only his mask, belt buckle, and shoelaces green? why is only the inside of his cape yellow? why is everything else gray!?!?!??! just the whole color pallete and the amounts of each color is horrendous. i can't even begin to describe how awful the PLACEMENT of each color is either.
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2. his mask doesn't even fucking connect in the middle. he looks stupid. really, really stupid. he's not some mysterious magic guy who would have a reason to have his mask look like big bug eyes. he just looks stupid. we all know he's a powerless vigilante. it's dumb.
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3. WHY does his collar splay out so weakly. either go all the way or don't go out at all. and why are the collar and hood's insides suddenly red? is he roleplaying as dracula? is that his problem? notice how it doesn't FUCKING match the mask. there is zero gradient here. straight green to red. he's like if a vampire was being forced to dress up like santa claus. why is he giving christmas? it's stupid. don't even get me STARTED on the random fucking... bars? under his neck. what the fuck ARE those? they're literally pointless. they clearly aren't holding anything together. they look nothing like cape clasps. they're literally just random metal bars on his clavicle for no goddamn reason. it's stupid. he looks stupid.
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4. again a horrible awful terrible color gradient. deep vampire red to fucking cool dull gray. WITH YELLOW BEHIND HIM... ughhh. and the R looks so fucking stupid. he looks like he bought a knockoff red R from comic con or something and just pinned it there because that's where the R is ~supposed~ to go and not because it makes any sort of sense. why is it right smack dab in the middle of that red outline? it looks RIDICULOUS!
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5. more random pointless garbo. the fuck are these straps for? just to make the suit harder to draw? is he trying to crush his own ribcage? the fuck are these FOR? besides looking ugly and stupid i mean. and why are they a lighter gray? they clash even more with the red than the darker gray does.
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6. you look at this tiny baby cuck gloves and tell me that looks even halfway decent. first of all - again the red looks like ass with that yellow backdrop. is he cosplaying a condiment drawer? he's rocking both ketchup AND mustard i guess! and why the fuck are the gloves so SMALL? so SHORT? why have them cuffed to look like armor if they're just gonna be so small they invoke fully cloth gloves instead? the fuck is that for? and where did the SPIKES go? he LIKED the glove spikes. he was very obviously aiming for fatherly approval. it's not as if you can convince me he has his father's approval NOW, looking like such hot garbage. he looks like if condiment king had bad sushi for lunch and threw it back up and damian dug his costume out of the bile.
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7. tell me, is it supposed to be a D? or an arrow? you'll notice how neither of those options make for an actual good idea. and why. is. it. GREEN! it matches NOTHING! and once more, the light gray? seriously? over a black belt on top of a darker gray suit? i can't even fully articulate just how ugly that fucking belt buckle is. awful shape, worse color, and it looks like a piece of shiny plastic that's painted to look like metal but really you know damn well it's plastic because you got it at the fucking dollar tree.
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8. does the designer of this atrocity know that all the pointed edges only work if it looks intentional? the red tunic with yellow trim made it look good. it slayed. but the same monotone gray all over the tunic just looks sad. weak. like nobody bothered hemming his clothes. but that's not even the worst part. the worst part is how overdone all the sharp pointy triangles get. once you see the boots it's like, oh, he's just all edge and no point, huh?
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9. why the fuck are the red outlines so BOLD here. so PROTRUDING... it looks just plain creepy. and why does the actual knee have to be the same color as the red of his pants, which are the same color as his tunic? it's so fucking BORING!
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10. oh boy more useless metal bars clinging to his clothes for no reason! again, it's ugly as shit, has no purpose, and only exists to make the design look somehow even worse than it already does. NEXT!
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11. these disgusting, grody ass pixie boot sneakers make me wanna snap somebody's neck. why are they so short? why do they have a double cuff? why are they literally just fucking sneakers with a rhino horn glued on? why is there a red squiggle down the middle? why are they a light gray? why is the sole red? did he buy them from the toddler section? actually, no, even toddler shoes have better color coordination than whatever the fuck is going on here. those green laces are the worst part of all. couldn't even do a dark gray for that, huh? the literal worst possible choice in color is exactly what they went for each fucking time but ESPECIALLY for these fucking boots. no, they're not boots, they're sneakers. my bad. these fucking SNEAKERS are so goddamn WACK that i think the only way anyone would actually buy them and wear them is if you slapped a 10,000 USD price tag on them and sold them under the gucci label, making way for young money influencers to waste all their cash on ugly garbage just to make a statement about how much money they have instead of spending their time and resources on actually developing a sense of style. but that's being generous, because not even gucci would sell something this fuck-ugly.
i'd waste my time redesigning this suit but i fear it'd drive me insane. my time would be far better spent analyzing costumes that actually look good and talking about why they work and are not so ugly they make me wish i could pour bleach into my eyes without dying.
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yae-energy · 1 year ago
Text
ysl productions presents… wheel of fortune: episode one
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“what’s in your fridge?”
synopsis: y/n takes a look in gojo’s fridge, and… it’s interesting to say the least
cast: rich nigga gojo! x high maintenance black fem reader! , (megumi is mentioned briefly)
universe: modern au! no curses (i don’t like the canon v much rn so imma pretend she doesn’t exist 😁)
cw: cursing, usage of the nword, gojo and reader are in a situationship? | wc: 883 wrds, 4,823 characters (hc’s at the end are not included)
a/n: y’all this is my FIRST piece of work in a loooonnnggg time, not too much on my rusty ass
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[11:11]
was the time displayed on your phone the moment your groggy eyes fixated on the screen. it felt like a scene straight out of a disney movie with the way birds melodically chirped outside the condo, silky, white sheets creating a luxurious sensation on your skin. it's been a while since the last time you even stepped foot inside gojo's place. he's a busy man, you're an even busier woman, it is what it is. but that doesn't mean he won’t make time for you, though!
late night drives in his '22 rolls-royce ghost (his favorite out of his many, many cars,) expensive dates at michelin star establishments, first class flights whenever he wants to treat you to a vacation. whatever you want, whenever you want,
you need it? he got it.
and that's what you absolutely adored about him.
despite you guys not being exclusive or anything, he never fails to show you off. he's your favorite out of your roster, (cause he be feedin you pasta and lobster) so why not try to treat your “man” to a homemade breakfast? - at least… that's what the plan originally was.
upon dressing yourself in the pink, fluffy, satin robe you packed in your “overnight bag” (ignoring the fact you planned on hanging around his place for more than just ONE night.) and freshening yourself up in the bathroom, you head out to the kitchen. pink fluffy slippers clacking against the hardwood floor as 40in water wave bundles swayed against your back. (courtesy of gojo.)
it's been so long you almost forgot how nice everything was. expensive furniture decorating the living space from left to right, with the most notable piece being the fat ass grand piano you weren't even sure he knew how to play. a small framed photo of him and megumi sitting cutely on top.
. . .
it was always so easy for you to get starstruck from all of the shiny trinkets gojo had displayed around his home. you damn near forgot what you even got up to do, leaving you scrunching your face in confusion before you stopped in your tracks. the sudden remembrance of breakfast shaking you out of your daze.
you hadn’t even decided on a dish yet, chicken and waffles had always been a go-to for you- however this was your first shot at proving your “wifely skills.” with the kind of money he was making you didn’t mind being a lil stay at home boo. your boring ass 9-5 wasn’t gonna just hand you a birkin at will.
fuck them jobs.
perhaps something with a little more…elegance then? you were definitely in the mood for waffles so- ….
“now this nigga know damn well…”
you muttered under your breath, sucking your teeth in the process. gojo was a lot of things: loud, obnoxious, an occasional dickhead, the list could go on. but broke was certainly not one of them. so it was a wonder to you on…
WHY IN THEE HELL.
his fridge was empty.
dead empty.
not a speck of food in sight. the only edible thing in there being an old ketchup bottle and 3 mustard packets.
it took you by surprise so bad that you almost didn’t feel the warmth of his hands caressing your waist, the scent of YOUR rose water sugar scrub grazing your nose.
speak of the devil.
“i know you ain’t been in my shit again” you mumbled out. relaxing in the feeling of his arms while he leaned down to your cheek, peppering you with kisses before responding to your comment.
“whatt?? nooo…never…”
making you smile helplessly at his attempt to play coy. he was always so cute with you whenever you two were alone. as much as he wanted to be all nonchalant and suave in public he was a whole ‘nother person behind the scenes.
“mmhmm” you answered, making sure to direct the conversation back to the original concern at hand.
“by the way… do you wanna tell me why your fridge looks like who did it and why? there’s nothing in there. like nothing. like none at all-”
“i- ok, no need to emphasize. you’ve judged my poor fridge enough…but, if you must know, i was spring cleaning.”
“gojo, it’s summer-”
“not the point-…now before you rudely interrupted me, i was spring cleaning- or since you’re getting your panties in a twist about it, *SUMMER* cleaning. i’m not home super often so i had megumi go through and throw stuff out- i didn’t think he’d throw EVERYTHING away so…yeah. now we’re here.”
“so you mean, MEGUMI…was ‘summer cleaning’ then. gojo stop getting that boy to do your dirty work…”
“i- wow you’re just full of assumptions this morning. i didn’t ‘GET’ him to do anything. he volunteered- which!! i personally think is very sweeet, and lovinggg of him to do for his beloved guardian.”
“right, right. my bad…” you chuckled quietly, shaking your head as you did so. “i was trynna be cute n’ shit and cook breakfast, but i guess i gotta lay that dream to rest for today.” you explained. a shallow sigh leaving your lips.
“what? no you don’t. grocery stores exist, i have a car, boom. problem solved.”
“…grocery trip it is then?”
“grocery trip it is”
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. . .
grocery trip with gojo! headcannons
forgets he’s even there for groceries and goes straight to anything sweet
touches EVERYTHING
does that thing where you push the cart and ride on the back of it LMAOOO
gets a shit ton of orange juice because he claims it’s for megumi (megumi likes apple juice)
this is the first time you’ve guys have been out together in a more domestic manner so bro is NERVOUS
it makes him smile cause he feels like y’all are a real couple
“whatcha’ smiling at?”
“nothin’ ”
forgets where he parked
carries all the bags inside in one go 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
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a/n pt2: yall i did not mean to make it so long 😭 its wtv tho. i hope this don’t suck LOL, i actually had a lot of fun writing this like i was lwk kicking my feet and giggling fr
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gojocumdumpster · 1 year ago
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Katsumi is throwing a Halloween party, what is everyone dresses as and whose the drunkest?
When I saw this I was like oooh yeah😭💀
Look at the end for a suprise😏
Type of story:🎂🌹
Warnings: drunk people
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Costumes:
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Baki: I feel like he would be those type of people who just show up in regular clothes but if he really had to he would wear those hotdog costumes he got chased by wiener dogs after that.
Jack: Hesitated for a second because he said wear costumes are for pussy’s until Baki forced him to put on a Tooth fairy outfit whenever he would go outside and he saw little kids trick or treating they would always stare at him saying “Mommy…why does the tooth fairy look like that?” while their mom covers there eyes.
Pickle: A pickle. He even tried to eat himself, and you know how there’s those pickle carnivals people would always try to take pictures with him😭
Katsumi: His Karate uniform 🥋, everyone was looking at him like you serious? Poor baby left his own party.
Jun guevara: A pirate he had got the inspiration from the movie Pirates and the caribbean’s whatever the fuck it’s called😭 he had a eyebatch and those captain hook 🪝 arms. Kids were running away from him💀
Olivia Biscuit: A biscuit, he couldn’t even get through the door because of how wide the biscuit was, he had to watch his back because pickle was chasing him around the whole house trying to get a bite. And I bet it was dry asf like them popeyes biscuits
Who was the drunkest
(greatest to least)
Jack, he was drinking so much hennessy that he was doing ballerina spins and leaps, he had his fairy wand and everything he was jumping from place to place saying he can fly…
2.Olivia, he loves his grape wine so he had to take a couple of sips. Next thing you know he’s trying to eat the biscuit costume he kept asking for grape jelly for his biscuit….
3.Baki, same thing as Olivia but he was dared to by his brother since he never drinks a blink of an eye he was putting mustard and ketchup on himself and was chasing the wiener dogs instead of them chasing him….
4. Jun, he had some control until after a couple of shots of vodka he was swinging around the rails of the stairs you couldn’t even talk to him cause he would only say “aye,aye captain”
5. Katsumi, He promised his dad he wouldn’t drink alcohol knowing he would get his ass whooped. But when he did have a sip he was in the corner fighting the air.
6. Pickle, Was to busy eating himself.
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fandom-trash-xl · 6 months ago
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Incorrect Quotes on a Whim Out of Boredom, but why are two of them about stairs?
Aka: I found an audios list just to chill; also a bit of the spite mix --- Kale: Did it hurt when you fell? Caulifla, slightly dizzy and loopy: From what? Heaven? Or in love? Kale: Dear, as much as I would love to save your ego... Kale, voice suddenly raising: YOU JUST FACEPLANTED DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS! -- Kale: What kind of ice cream flavor would you guys be? Cabba: Vanilla. Frost: Vanilla... you basic b-tch. I'd be pistachio- Caulifla: 'Cause no one likes you? Frost: ... -- Cabba, arriving at Champa's palace before the Tournament of Power: Sorry I was late, I was... doing things. Frost, coming up the staircase, panting and out of breath: -HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS! Cabba, with plausible deniability: Push is such a strong word. I prefer to call it... giving you a little nudge. Frost: Oh, I'll give you a little nudge when I shove my foot up your ass! Hit: Hey! ...Watch your f-cking language in front of the God of Destruction. -- Hit: You should be addicted to shutting up... Frost: You want to kiss me so bad, it makes you look stupid. Hit: So what if I do -- Frost, after Frieza "defeats" Gohan in the Tournament of Power: Will you date me? Breath if yes, recite the Bible in Japanese if no! Frieza, charging an energy blast: はじめに神は天と地とを創造された。 -- And now something fluffy to compensate: Goku, to Chi-Chi one morning: Last night I dreamed I was a bottle of ketchup and you were mustard. Which is weird, because you're usually mayonnaise in my dreams. Why do you suppose that is?
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hetaologist · 7 months ago
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World Meeting (pt. 1)
England: *Enters the meeting room* Right, I want to address a particular Tweet as today’s meeting topic…
*All Nations stop what they’re doing to look at England*
England: Just last week, I read a Tweet from a *specific* individual, talking shit about my food.
*All Nations groan, America snickers to himself*
England: *Narrows eyes at America*, I’ll have you know, my ‘Pie and Mash’ is a good, hardy meal and a British classic!
America: *Stands from his desk with a cheeky grin* Come on dude, don’t tell me you actually look forward to eating dry ass meat pies covered in nuclear green gravy and a side of wall paste~. *He laughs mischievously*
England: WHY YOU CHEEKY BAST-
France: *Clears his throat* Mon amie~, I’m forced to agree with America…unfortunately.”
England: *Snaps his head towards France* WHAT!? Says you, you snail sucker! Your food is overrated and overly complicated to make.
France: *Clutches pearls* Sacré bleu, you heathen! At least my food is desired for and doesn't make people fat, no~?!
*America and England both glare at France*
America: Excuse me bro...?
*Germany stands up and places hands on table*
Germany: Now's not the time to talk about frivolous topics as such. The three of you, sit down und shut up!
America: Hmph, says you. You think it's perfectly okay to eat boiled sausages with boiled potatoes and noodles with no seasonings.
*Germany gasps and gets taken a back*
Germany: DON'T TALK SCHEISSE ABOUT MY FOOD, YOU LARD COVERED ARSCHLOCH!
France: And no, covering everything in mustard or paprika doesn't count~.
*Germany is fuming like a hot baked potato*
England: Hehe~. Now you know how I feel in this situation, you bland Kraut!
America: HAHA! And your beer tastes terrible~.
*Everyone deadass looks at America*
America: What?
Russia: That's some bold words coming from you, Америка~. Germany's beer is pretty good, your beer tastes like man pissed into bottle before closing it.
America: HEY! At least my food is well seasoned and diverse...
China: Yeah right, your shit is just our stuff but with too much sugar and salt.
*All Nations nod their head in agreement*
America: No it isn't! I just like lots of flavor....
*England looks over at America's Stanley cup on his desk*
England: I bet that coffee cup is filled to the BRIM with pure sugar and syrups, you fat ass.
America: Nah dude, it's filled with my *:・゚✧special sauce*:・゚✧.
*America opens up his giant cup filled with sauce*
America: It's a combination of ranch, hot sauce, chicken tender sauce, tangy BBQ sauce, ketchup, mustard, mayo, bacon bits, chipotle, sour cream, sweet n' sour and chili sauce~.
*Everyone looks in horror at America's concoction*
England: What in the ACTUAL FUCK AMERICA ?! Why do you have a huge ass cup of JUST SAUCE?!
America: To quench my thirst, of course!
*Everyone's jaw drops in disgust, some start to gag*
Russia: I should have bombed you when I had chance...
America: Nah, I'm just playing! It's for my chicken tenders.
*America pulls out a box of fast food chicken tenders out of coat pocket*
Germany: WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT WITH YOU?!
America: It's my snackies :3c , this is the sauce I use for everything! Like tacos, burgers, pizza...
*North Italy faint after hearing 'pizza'. South Italy gasps and tends to his brother.*
South Italy: You sick fuck, you always fuck up our beloved pizza and pasta!
America: Wha- no I don't!
South Italy: You are the bastard that put pineapple on pizza and fucked it all-a up!
America: Actually, that's Canada's invention...
South Italy: WHAT?!
*Everyone looks at Canada*
Canada: ...damn it. It's really not that bad, honestly.
South Italy: You're just as bad as your brother!
Canada: Fair...
*America gets on the desk and stands on it*
America: How about we once and for all decide who has the best food in the world and that person can talk all the shit they want about other countries food!
*All Nations agrees to the motion, except for Germany*
Germany: Gott in Himmel... *facepalms*
(to be continued...)
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cellu-lightreading · 9 months ago
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Uncle Mac's Football Fans
You can find more episodes of Uncle Mac's here or start with the brand new one below!
Looking at the group of guys gathered in the restaurant it was hard for Jason to not feel proud. His little side project may not have been the kind of work that a foundation would pay for, but it was still a good service. Whenever he looked down at his soft middle, he was sure that he was doing the right thing. Retirement was hitting him hard. After a few years playing professional football, it was time for him to take off the helmet for good. But the challenge for every retired player is not blowing up like a blimp now that you’re not exercising like a maniac. The challenge is even harder for guys like Jason who are big and were always encouraged to eat and stay big. He already had a nice sized gut sitting in his lap and it was only going to grow. He knew that one day he was going to be just like them: massively pudgy beyond most people’s understanding. Not a single one of these men were under 350 pounds, and Jason had crossed over into 300 himself just a couple months. Some day soon he was going to be the one eating faster than he can size up at the men's department.
Maybe that’s why when he heard Scott’s story he was so immediately drawn to help out. Scott had been a fan of the local team for decades, even before he moved into town. Someone was kind enough to gift Scott with season tickets so he could watch them play in person for the first time. When he got to the stadium, he found out that the seats were all too small for him to squeeze into. Scott had to forfeit his tickets and miss the game because the tiny plastic chairs wouldn’t accommodate for his pillowy love handles enough for his cellulite-ridden ass to sit down. Scott obviously couldn’t stand and watch the whole game. One of the local stations decided to interview him and he looked like a stereotype. There were ketchup and mustard stains from his hot dogs. He was drenched in sweat; he wasn’t used to doing all this walking around anymore, especially in the late summer sun. When Jason laid eyes on Scott, he knew he needed to do something. 
Jason’s first idea was to head to the front office and demand change. They quickly explained to him that they would not install wider seats and reduce the capacity and thereby sell less tickets. They dismissed him just after laughing at the idea of trying to switch out the whole stadium for fat people. 
His next idea was to go to the seat of fat men’s power: Uncle Mac’s restaurant. Uncle Mac’s was notorious for accommodating big guys and granting their wishes. Usually it was a food related wish, but still. Jason wasn’t allowed to come here most of the year while he was playing, so it felt like a treat just getting to smell the sugary salty air. Mac seemed excited just to have Jason in his restaurant. 
“Well if it isn’t number 57, just like Heinz! What brings you on in?”
“I had a pitch for you, but if you keep me in here too long, I’m going to have to take a snack break.”
Mac gave Jason a pat on the gut. “Well we could always start with food and do the business while you eat. You’re here first thing in the morning, I could get you some biscuits and gravy, maybe some chicken and waffles.”
“I do love your fried chicken.”
“And we always serve real pieces of chicken, not tenders.”
“Maybe put in an order with a side of hashbrowns.”
Within moments, one of the waiters brought two platters into the office. Mac watched Jason chow down like he was watching a strip tease. He had heard the rumors about Mac; he knew what was happening. Mac might not like football, but he thought Jason was hot. Jason explained his next idea:  a football fan club for the super obese. The team would advertise Uncle Mac’s as the place to go for everyone who couldn’t waddle into a seat for a home game. 
Mac was scared the drunken fans might scare off his usual brunch clientele, but agreed to a trial run season on one condition: Jason must eat a meal at the restaurant every week. A meal a week doesn’t seem like much if you don’t know about Uncle Mac’s cooking. Uncle Mac made some of the most addictive calorie-laden food in the country.  Jason could hear the warnings from his old coaches and his wife in the back of his head. He licked the syrup and crumbs off his fingers and agreed to it. 
At the first meeting of the fan club, Jason almost felt a little secure in his deal. Jason watched some of the biggest guys he had ever seen waddle through the door.  The waiters were on a first name with most of the guys. They shuffled around to give them reinforced seats and still he heard furniture groan under the weight.  If too many of them jumped to their feet at once, it shook the whole restaurant. Jason finally got to meet Scott who had put on some more weight in the month since the debacle. His tent-sized jersey was actually getting small. It rode up at the bottom, exposing stretch marks across the fresh flab. Jason figured that once a week would still keep him away from being the size of these guys. After all, their order were far bigger than his. One guy ate corn dogs non-stop the whole first quarter just to order a meal afterwards with Uncle Mac’s usual giant portions. 
Every week, Jason had a platter with the game and watched in bewilderment as the waiters cheered on their increasing growth. The waiters marked every single sign of weight gain: popped buttons, snapped belts, a new double chin. The whole restaurant would erupt in thunderous applause if one of the chairs gave out under someone. Every time it happened, it made the waiters push out more food at the next game. Jason and the rest of the fan club would keep absentmindedly chewing on every fat-riddled snack as long as football was on. Mac would make up specials just for his increasingly hungry fan club. Jason thought he was just a passive observer until one day it was his turn. 
The week before Christmas, Jason was making plans now that it looked like the team was going to the playoffs. He was walking past the section of booths when another big guy was coming down the aisle. Without thinking, Jason goes:
“Excuse me, let me just squeeze past you.” Jason turned sideways and knocked a set of silverware off the table. He bent over and a memory flashed in his mind from that morning. Trying to jump and yank those pants over his thighs and ass had rattled the windows.  His poor wife had to help him button them up because they would not snap closed and he couldn’t see under his belly. A little extra tension on those pants was too much for those threads. The crackling sound of the rip made the whole restaurant turn around. Jason scooped up the silverware and then scurried away. 
That was not the most embarrassing moment of his first year, though. The week of the conference final at the end of January, Jason got a message saying they wanted to honor him with an award at the next game. He happily obliged and found some new tailored clothes for the occasion. Nevermind that the tailoring actually made all the fold of his moobs and belly more pronounced for national television. No, the worst was when he was lined up with some of the greats of his team and they gave them special seats. Jason lowered himself and realized that he was having a little difficulty. The hard plastic pinched at his sides. His ass wouldn't quite settle. Jason realized that now he was just like Scott. He was now the giant fat man too big to enjoy football in the stadium, and anyone with a screen could watch it happen in real time. 
Mac immediately sent him a text that read, “You are officially an Uncle Mac’s spokesperson. The restaurant is yours as many seasons as you want it or at least as long as you can waddle through my doors. Look at everyone who came!”Mac sent a picture where every corner of the frame was filled with an ocean of fat wearing the tattered remains of team merch they had outgrown. Even Scott was grinning with his ass overflowing two chairs and a pair of team sweatpants with giant holes where his thighs had worn down the fabric. Mac sent another text, “We have the old jersey you didn’t finish busting through waiting on you.”
Jason looked down the row and saw some of the other fat guys trying to adjust their flab in the narrow seats. He called out, “Hey, who wants a bit to eat?”
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totravelasfriends7433 · 4 months ago
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Incorrect Quotes
Valkyrie: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess? Melissa: Your life? Valkyrie: I- well yes, but-
Valkyrie: I'm hot, I’m tall, I'm gay, and I'm on my theatre kid arc.
Murderer: Any last words? Valkyrie: Do you think I'm cute? Be honest.
Melissa: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO- Valkyrie: It was me… Melissa: …Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.
Valkyrie: I am the most responsible person in the group. Melissa: …You just set the kitchen on fire. Valkyrie: Yes, and I take full responsibility for that.
Fletcher: Cronch. Fletcher: You hear that? That's the sound of me eating sticks. Melissa: No, don’t— Fletcher: Too late.
Fletcher: I love you. Valkyrie: I love me too.
Fletcher: Big day today, Valkyrie. holds up two shirts Mustard stain or ketchup stain? Valkyrie: Mustard– looks less like blood.
Valkyrie: I hope no one lowkey hates me. Valkyrie: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being. Valkyrie: Go big or go home.
Fletcher: ATTENTION: I HAVE BREACHED CONTAINMENT. Fletcher: DO NOT PANIC, I AM SIMPLY GETTING A SNACK.
Valkyrie: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer. Fletcher: Why are we so fucking awesome? Valkyrie: That's the best fucking question anybody's ever asked.
Fletcher: Hugs Valkyrie from behind Fletcher: Tucks Valkyrie's hair behind their ear Fletcher, whispering: Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and they'll never find your body.
Tsu: Do you support gay rights? Shinsou: I’m literally gay. Valkyrie: He's avoiding the question!
Valkyrie, to Shinsou: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice. Shinsou: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada. Valkyrie: You just told me you're pregnant. Tsu: Congratulations Shinsou, you're glowing!
Valkyrie: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! Tsu: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. Valkyrie: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? Tsu: Somehow that's worse.
Valkyrie: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you. Shinsou: This is a sports-related injury. It makes me look cool! Valkyrie: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool!
Tsu: Shinsou, Valkyrie, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? Shinsou, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Valkyrie is sitting atop: Oh nothing much. Valkyrie: I love you too :)
Shinsou: I wanna sleep for 40 hours. Valkyrie: You know that's called a coma, right? Shinsou: Shinsou: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
Tsu: Isn’t it weird how we pay money to see other people? Shinsou: You mean movies? Valkyrie: Concerts? Momo: Prostitutes? Tsu: Wha…N-no, I mean glasses, what the fuck-
Valkyrie, dramatically: They called me a fool. Momo, sick of Valkyrie's shit: They weren’t wrong.
Valkyrie: falls down the stairs Momo: Are you okay? Tsu: Stop falling down the stairs! Midoriya: How’d the ground taste?
Valkyrie: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader.
Shinsou: Eat shit and die, Midoriya!!! Midoriya: Eat shit and live, Shinsou.
Midoriya: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer. Valkyrie: You're right, Midoriya.. Violence can't be the answer. Midoriya: Correct, Valkyrie. Now, on to the next lesso- Valkyrie: Violence is the question. Valkyrie: And the answer is yes! Midoriya: Valkyrie, no!!
Hatsume: If there’s one thing I learned from Midoriya, it’s to set people’s expectations real low, so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.
Store Worker: Would a “Valkyrie” please come to the front desk? Valkyrie, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker, pointing to Midoriya and Hatsume: I believe they belong to you? Midoriya and Hatsume, simultaneously: We got lost. Valkyrie: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—
Shinsou: What do I get? Valkyrie: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death. Shinsou: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one. Valkyrie: It won't be you. Shinsou: I'll get my coat.
Shinsou: walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone Fletcher: Hey, Shinsou, how was your day? Shinsou: picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Fletcher Hell. Momo, watching this unfold: whispers Who hurt you?
Midoriya, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.
Tsu: Hatsume noticed only today that they can label their email inboxes, but they took apart their entire bloody laptop two weeks ago. Momo: This reminds me of the Hatsume who couldn’t turn on the coffee maker, but remembers about 500 digits of pi. Tsu: I’ll be delighted to inform you that this is the very same Hatsume.
Valkyrie: Is this about me? Fletcher: No. Valkyrie: Then I've lost interest.
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