#keeping my hopes up but also trying not to be unrealistic so focusing on these other ones too

[pandora15]

i'm trying to keep a cool head and focus on prepping for technical interviews this week. I did one asynchronous one on friday and I have a live one (where you like. code in front of the interviewer) tomorrow, and then I'm planning to do another asynchronous one on wednesday and I'm just like "damn i'm just a girl why do i have to code under such anxious situations"

[tchai-castor]

So about my upcoming webcomic Athena's Champions

As some of you might know I'm working on a webcomic about Odyssues and Diomedes. It will mainly focus on the Trojan war, I'm going to try to reconstruct the Trojan War cycle with the bits and pieces that are available, the parts in between I'll just make up myself and hope it still feels somewhat accurate.

It's not going very fast so for the people that are interested, please be patient. The reason why it's not going very fast is because I keep changing the chapters, because I want it to be something I'll be proud of. Especially the first chapter has been rewritten at least 15 times. On top of that I'm not a big fan of the webcomic format, especially the white spaces really annoy me, so I wanted to make some special pannels with decoration around it, and I also want it to be decently colored. So there's a lot of work that goes into making this, so it will take some time. The problem I had with rewriting (and redrawing) the first chapter over and over again have been passed down to the next chapters. I had rough sketches for the next two chapters completely drawn out with text, but I decided that I don't like them anymore and I'm working on new ones.

With this post I wanted to tell you what you could expect from this webcomic. Once I have finished the 6 first chapters, I'll put them online (don't know where yet, if anyone has recommendations feel free to share) and then it will probably take a while to make the other chapters. The first 6 chapters will be:

Chapter 1: Embassy to Troy

Chapter 2: Gathering allies: Crete

Chapter 3: Gathering allies: Skyros (might be split into two chapters)

Chapter 4: Egypt

Chapter 5: Council in Argos

Chapter 6: Home (might also besplit into 2 chapters, or even more, this is supposed to show the home context of the heroes and their families, I want to pay extra attention to this, since the webcomic focuses mainly on the war endeavors of the men, their families will get less attention, so I think this is important)

The scripts of these chapters have somewhat been written down (I don't like to work with tight scripts, they stress me out). After this there will be the first council at Aulis, the failed mission to Mysia and then again a home depiction. After that the real war starts.

It's my intention to also make a sequel encluding what happens in the Odyssey, the travels of Diomedes and the Aeneid, but judging from the current pace I have in making these, I assume this will be as fast as Odysseus trying to reach home. I hope not, but I've been working on this for 3 years now and I kept changing everything, so it's actually not that unrealistic. Let's hope it's faster though.

[nyoomerr]

Nyoomer I’m thinking of starting my own Fic, what tips do you have for me? 💪🫶🫶

do whatever you want forever 🫵 💥 ‼

and i mean it!! i say this every time y'all ask me for fic writing tips, but you're doing this for fun! the number one most important thing is that you make whatever you personally want; if any of my writing tips - or the tips you see from others online - don't vibe with you, then just ignore them, even if it means writing in a way that other people call "wrong" or whatever. it isn't wrong if it makes you happy!

that being said, here's some tips that work for me personally, put under the cut since it's a bit of a text heavy post -

if you want to put a character in a Situation but feel like it might be unrealistic or OOC for that character to act in that way, you don't necessarily have to give up on the situation or think about how to change the situation to match the character's personality. instead, think about what might have to happen to the character in order for them to change to match the situation. example: normally Character A would not risk their life for Character B. but what if Character A owed Character B their life? what if Character A had just suffered a massive loss that made them take on some self destructive tendencies? what kind of mental state would Character A have to be in to risk their life when they normally wouldn't?

if something isn't fun for you to write, don't bother writing it, because chances are it won't be fun to read either. think about how you can communicate the same information without writing out the full scene, or if you even need to communicate the information at all. example: if you're slogging through a scene describing how a character gets from Point A to Point B, step back and consider if it's important that the readers know exactly how it happened, or only that it did happen. if you're trying to communicate that the journey was difficult, would it be effective to skip to Point B and then focus on how worn out or emotionally distraught your character is now that they're there?

when you plan out a scene, keep in mind what the characters should be getting out of it, whether that's information, a problem to solve, or a change in the character's world view/relationships. this will help keep the scene focused and character driven, which - personally - i find most enjoyable. example: if this is a scene that is meant to simply deliver information to the characters, then you can figure out the specifics of your scene by asking: who would this character trust to deliver the information? if it's not information that would normally incite an emotional response, can you change that based on context?

i hope those help a bit!! i also wrote some more general writing tips here in the past, and some tips on getting the motivation to finish/post fics here. i'm also happy to give tips on specific things if you ask!

i'm always excited to see another cook in the kitchen, so GOOD LUCK AND KICK BUTT !! 💥💥

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

SWEETHEARTTTTTT THEYRE HEREEEEEE!!! ooohhhh I'm so excited they're one of my favorite listeners I can't wait to see them in action. I'm glad they're starting to see slivers of who darlin really is, or at least what they've been through,, more people are being made aware of quinn in a way that feels a lot more compassionate than the canon 😭😭 their circle is slowly but surely expanding!! I eat up the found family trope every. single. time.

and yess !!!! even if I don't like colm he's more than just a drunk deadbeat!!! give me what made him a detective!!! give me the fire, passion and dedication to his job that made him a gambling alcoholic and (perhaps) inadvertently made him abandon his young son!! LMFAO

I knew you were gonna make quinn crazy but holy shittttt seeing all of his offenses (that they know of iaauhshsvs) just laid out like that is so fucking wild, and it's not even that outlandish bc ppl like this really do exist.

I was imagining SH and colms convo in like a film noir setting,,,,augh,,, give me two rugged detectives who put their differences aside to track down a maniac and you've got a fan for life

"hey kiddo" SO DO I LOOOOOOK LIIIIIIKEEEE HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM

the victims looking like tank,,,,, ooohhgg the victims looking like tank,,, I'm still unwell

iam So Scared and So Excited

guys,,,,, we're really getting into it now buckle up bitches

-🦀

ME TOOOOOOOO I love Sweetheart so much. Truly one of my fave listeners. They mean so much to me frfr. They’re gonna get some cool action in this story, don’t you worry Crab Anon. Sweetheart is an observant, people-centric person. That is why they couldn't be a cop in the long term. That is why they took care of the kid who robbed Geordi's instead of turning him in. That is why they are perfect for this situation. They're more concerned with the person being affected by Quinn than any other factor. I wanted to make sure that more of the info that's shared about Quinn is in Darlin's control than it was in canon. I established early in the story that the 10-19 has a secretive, protective air about them when it comes to Darlin'. David hadn't even told Angel their name for fuck's sake. I wanted to honor that established dynamic as the story moved on. Darlin's privacy, especially when it comes to the situations in which they have been victimized, is paramount.

I also don't love Colm! When I was first conceptualizing him, I was very much "fuck this guy forever." It was actually the wonderful @romirola who helped me establish a bit further his complex relationships with addiction, his sense of duty, and Milo. I've always endeavored in this story to complexity and deepen my interpretation of the characters that have been set out in front of us. Colm is a perfect example of that. I am personally very very anti-cop and American justice system, and Sweetheart and Colm are planned to be parallels that discuss the issues in the legal system both for those that participate in it and those that are affected and policed by it. This story is, of course, a 911-style procedural focused on first responders. That commentary is meant for a more Law and Order crime procedural (one that is preferably not blatant cop worship) which might come later on. We will get a bit more of that in this story, at the very least, so I hope that adds a nice layer for ya'll!

I try very hard to keep Quinn's crazy somewhere between the distant, unrealistic but theme-appropriate cruelty of his Redacted canon self with what we see in actual humans. There Are people like him out there in the world and it is scary as fuck. I am so glad that his actions aren't reading as corny or unrealistic for the world I'm building.

SO glad that the noir vibes came through!! That is THEIR genre, after all!

The way that that song has been on my Milo playlist since the moment it dropped dude.

The victims look like Tank. And Quinn is carving their tattoos into all of their faces. Killing them over and over again.

We're just having fun being goofy over here its all light and chill

[evangelineshifts]

Failed Shifting Attempt

Dude, I tried shifting literally all day. I took out time off so I had the whole day off and instead of doing it my way(doing random stuff till it feels like it’s working) I tried subliminals.

Worse mistake of my life.

I cracked, I got self conscious and worried that the reason I wasn’t shifting was because ‘I wasn’t doing it right’ since I didn’t have a method.

So I tried Reya’s subliminal(I only got to 27 minutes) and I wasn’t feeling anything that made me assume I was getting closer to my dr so I just stopped, I tried a different subliminal that was just sounds and I felt like i was getting a little close(I was trying to turn over in my dr and I could feel myself(?) getting pulled over but my physical body was ‘keeping me here’ like a coffin or smth so it felt like I was just getting ripped apart inside my body head first. I tried briefly doing my own thing but I stopped after like 2 minutes cause I was impatient.

So overall this entire day has been a fail attempt(never thought I’d say that) and now I’m kind of disappointed? After all my shifting attempts so far I’ve been relaxed, any ‘failed attempts have brushed off me like water. But today was so bad, it’s almost devastating. I feel burnt out or something, I feel like I’m out of energy. I’m never trying another shifting attempt like this again-🦭

I’m gonna try to get all the points in here but they’re not gonna necessarily be in order.

Okay abt you giving up bc you didn’t feel anything, I totally get that honestly I used to do that too but shifting can vary from attempt to attempt if I’m being honest. It can feel like a whirlwind and it can also feel like nothing at all so I’d just advise that when you feel nothing during an attempt try to ignore it cause you’re unintentionally focusing on your body/the process instead of being in your dr. Like a couple times I shifted I didn’t even realize I did until I was back in my cr, other times it felt like I was being sucked into a vortex and it would be unrealistic to try and ignore the feeling. I shifted all the same. Just this morning I shifted and I didn’t even realize. (I’ll make a separate post if anyone wants).

Subliminals work on the assumption that you think they’ll work. That’s why some subliminals work for some people and don’t for others. If they were some end all be all thing than one of those *WARNING SUPER POWERFUL SUBLIMINAL YOU WILL SHIFT IMMEDIATELY* subs would work for everyone but alas 🤷🏽‍♀️ they do not. Don’t beat yourself up too much over it. I honestly don’t even choose subliminals on how much they “work” for me anymore I just choose them on if the background will allow me to focus and relax and if the affs in the background help me out, great. They’re a tool not the machine, treat it as such.

There’s no right and wrong in shifting and honestly failure isn’t real as I’ve learned. No matter what came of your shift you gained SOMETHING from it. Whether it be more knowledge on how to go abt it next time or movement that you’ve just yet to see. Every attempt gets you closer and that’s a success in an of itself. Persist through it if it helps.

You did shift! Good job!

Morph that disappointment into something that happened during your shift maybe?

Chiron told you, you can’t go swim with your friends until your set chores were done. Gods that must be frustrating, you must really want to hangout with your friends. I get that.

You had an argument with someone and they just wouldn’t see your point and got angry with you? Shit what was it abt? Honestly I’d cry, I’m so sensitive when it comes to fights.

Don’t brush it off just maybe turn your focus towards something more progressive while still feeling those feelings. Tell yourself that you’ll deal with the upsetting issue the next time you go to your dr. Motivation and Affirmation that you’ve already shifted all in one. Yippee 🥳

But all in all, I hope you feel better Mimi ☹️ and I swear on my life I will remember to get to your asks in my inbox. I’ve been consistently sick for the longest time 😭😭 I’ve been around little kids and those bitches will cough straight into your mouth without remorse.

- 🍓

[dragonmasterhiccup]

(AHAHDG LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE DONE ITTTTT!!!"!" YAAAAAA)

Her eyes practically begged to release the tears that threatened to spill, her vision blurred while she couldn't look up at him. "I never meant to hear any of this...if you just..." There she was again, trying to shift the blame onto someone else, pushing away the acceptance of what she sincerely felt out of pure fear and doubt. "You wasted your time falling for someone like me."

Unrealistic, that's what it all seemed to be; a breath of a hope that she would desperately cling to. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to admit it, all because of her guilt and the assumption that he deserved better. Better than her. Therefore, she responded coldly: "Yeah, well, not everything is achievable, Hiccup."

-------------------

'It hurts seeing me upset..?' Freya wanted to outrightly tell him that none of this was his fault, that he did nothing wrong, but her words were choked back down her throat once again. She couldn't speak. Why couldn't she speak? Why didn't he hate her? He plainly had every right to, so why didn't he? "You'd be better off hating me, you should consider it sometime.." She muttered dryly, avoiding his gaze.

Her whole world felt as though it were balancing off a thread, staggering to catch her breath as she trembled at the realization that she had actually shared what was on her heart. All without planning it. Freya instinctively retracted her hands away from Hiccup's when he grabbed them, her body in a fight or flight mode as she stumbled back against the wall. 'I need to leave, I need to--'

Once he asked her to stay, she froze in place, the ringing in her ears slowly decreasing as she focused on getting the proper amount of air in her lungs. 'With me..? But I hurt you..!' She kept her sight on the stony ground, speaking in an unconfident manner: "How can you...want to go down that path with someone who's constantly given you nothing but more pain..? Look what I've caused, Hiccup..! I-I, I'm selfish, really, for saying such terrible things to you..even when we first came to this island.."

That's when her eyes snapped up to meet his. "No, stop that. Don't go there again. Please. We both know very well it isn't your fault in the slightest." She absentmindedly went to poke his shoulder as she spoke her final word, quickly recoiling when she registered that she probably wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

There was no possible way of escaping this now. Freya had finally revealed what she felt, leaving no room to turn away and take back what was said. Everything her mouth uttered was true. And it also terrified her. It terrified her to know that she genuinely did love another person in such a way, especially with the least expected one according to her terms: Hiccup.

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the third. Her old self would've shamed her entire existence for it...but she didn't care. She had to make things right, push through her regret and shame so he wouldn't have to carry the extra grief she threw on him. Hesitating to talk for a moment, she found the walls of the cave more easier to look at. "..I..I did disgustingly rude things to you, ever since we both came to this island..and I am so sorry. I know my apology can't fix it all, and it's probably as valuable as the wind at this point, but I can't go on allowing myself to love you after how I've treated you for.. basically my whole life...I shouldn't.."

Rambling once more, Freya now stared towards the ground, apprehension keeping her from making any form of eye contact. "You've been so considerate of how I feel while I just...left you in the dust..I did that to you even when we were younger, when I was angry with you for being the one to unite Berk with the dragons, a-and I'm pretty sure I shattered everything we've built up and I don't understand how or when I fell in love with you and--" Geez, she said it again.

"S-sorry I.." She lowered her head, not having the strength to lift it as she continued: "...You deserve much better than me." Slowly and tentatively, her eyes met his green ones, her heart twisting in a silent longing as she was brought into a faint daze. His eyes always seemed to do that to her.

Despite the guilt that plagued her mind, Freya acknowledged the small spark of determination reignited in her that proclaimed they could have this resolved. They could get through this – which led her to taking a step forward, gaze now unwavering from the future Chief's. "Do you still mean everything you said, Hiccup..?" She paused, the ongoing sound of the rain becoming less loud. Her heart pounded, but she finished with a slight tilt of her head, "...Then show it."

...

With that, the distance which was always ever present between them, finally closed. Freya Leif allowed her lips to meet his, her eyes fluttering shut as she brought herself closer to him - if that was even possible. She barely came to terms that she was crying, tears softly cascading down her cheeks as she earnestly hoped the kiss would speak on her behalf the words she couldn't physically say. It felt as if she was able to breath once again, the pit of despair lingering inside of her steadily beginning to disappear and get replaced by a blissful, ethereal, cloud that lifted her up above the previous emotions of dejection.

Also, she wasn't cold anymore. That, she definitely knew.

His own eyes brimming, he answered, "Because if we don't, we'd be lying to ourselves." He knew how she felt now, and if they just decided to give this up, they'd both be heartbroken. "I...I love you too much to let you put yourself through any more of this, this pain..."

"We barely knew each other, the first time we came here! You're not the only one at fault here either, I know I said some hurtful things to you...and for that, I am so sorry. But you?" He went to brush the stray hairs out of her face, drawing back before touching her as if she might crumble, "You've already apologized for the past, a few times. And I've told you, I hold none of that against you."

He tilted his head in confusion. It was his fault, wasn't it? He was the one who spoke of how he felt about her. Granted, he didn't know she could hear him, but still..."

Her words surprised him, but when she uttered the words 'allow myself to love you', his eyes widened, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards in a smile. The confession she spoke earlier hadn't fully hit him until now.

Freya loved him.

Freya Leif, was in love with him like how he was in love with her.

It happened so gradually to both of them.

Deserve someone better? Shaking his head vigorously, he quickly said in a breathless whisper, "No, no, Fey...there's no one else for me but you. Just...give me that chance, let's try this for real?"

He could see something changed in her eyes as he stared back into them. Was she going to do it? He hoped so, he really did. He loved her, he loved her with everything he had, and he couldn't keep it in any longer. Not after everything that unfolded today.

"Yes. Every word, Freya, I swear."

Show it?

His gaze became more determined as he reached up to cup her cheek. Closing the distance between them, he closed his eyes, kissing her.

His other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer, and he held her with no intention of letting go.

He poured himself into that kiss, all the love for her that he'd kept pent up all this time, finally free to express it.

The hand he had cupping her cheek moved to her waist, and he lifted her off the ground a couple inches, setting her back down gently.

Toothless's jaw dropped open in surprise. He knew Hiccup had feelings for Freya, but he didn't expect the future chief to act upon it so strongly.

The heartbreak that wrenched through him earlier felt as if it was mending itself as he pulled away, reaching back up to cup her cheeks once more and wipe her tears away with his thumbs.

A little breathless, he asked softly, "Did that show it enough for you?" His green eyes searched hers as he still held her close.

"Can...can we try that whole... confession of our feelings again? Because, I love you, Freya Leif. With everything that I am, I love you."

[kimmiessimmies]

Simblr's New Year Resolutions of 2024

I was tagged by lovely Lana, @eljeebee. Thank you, my dear. ❤️

Now, I already did a post on plans yesterday, but that was only for the coming few months or so, plus way too long for anyone to properly read, so let's give this one a go (which will probably also be long, because let's face it, I'm simply not a woman of few words).

What's your resolution for your simblr?

I'm not actually sure? Sometimes, I envy the people who are able to keep their Simblr clean and organised by just posting actual relevant things. I often write rambles (I don't always think anyone truly reads), so the story might get a bit lost. But do I really want to change that? I don't know. Maybe my resolution for my Simblr could be to make things easier to find? But then again, if you want easy reading of my story and everything involved, one click takes you to my WordPress, which actually is a lot more organised.

I do have resolutions for the story itself and my writing, though! In 2024, I hope to expand my writing skills. Even though I write easily in English, the fact that it's not my native language still feels limiting at times. I often feel I could make a narrative or a dialogue richer if this was my mothertongue. I've been contemplating focussing solely on dialogue and image (like I did with the AU), but I find I sometimes want and need the narrative. I really do feel the need to sometimes give words to what a character is feeling or experiencing without them actually voicing it to another character. And precisely in that type of narrative, I see room for improvement.

As for ATOH, I hope to be able to do some other characters justice, too, aside from the ones I've been so focused on recently. Although, maybe it'll only get confusing if I bring too many characters in. So, balance will be the challenge, I guess. And, I hope to be able to bring everything together properly and in a way that makes sense. Especially now that I've changed my timeline for a third time...

What do you want from the Sims franchise?

I just hope TS3 remains playable at this point. My worst fear is my gaming laptop breaking down (I do everything on that thing, as there's no place in my house for an actual pc) and any new one being unsuitable to run TS3 with its very specific demands...

Other than that, I think it would be highly unrealistic to expect EA to develop or do anything specifically for TS3 at this point, and I have absolutely zero interest in straining my laptop even more by putting TS4 on it, which I know I won't play.

Any other new year's resolutions?

Oof... Umm... Well, I already wrote about how I'm struggling a lot at the moment (I'm at a very, very low point right now...) and as much as what I want for 2024 is to find my happy again, that seems like a huge ask at the moment. So I shall stick to the quote the Pinterest game brought up: "Never give up on the things that make you smile" and try to focus on the few things they do bring me joy. Which takes me back to the story, and now we've come full circle.

Tagging a few people who maybe haven't done this yet and might like to, @simsaralove , @sircesimblr, @sushiikinsss. Feel free to pass.

[shiningmystic]

Feedback: Hello. Thank u for the reading❤ so is it like him wanting a friendship with me first but also see the potential of seeing a future with me? The heirophant in reverse tells me that he isn't ready for commitment so I am confused about the 9 of cups energy haha. Btw, if u don't mind me asking, may I know which cards represent him and which cards represent me? I am still learning tarot so it would be helpful if I know which cards match which energy. I hope that makes sense and thank you❤

My readings are Free form and intuitive meaning I don’t use a spread, I just read the cards and see the story which can make it harder but that’s how I’ve always done it 😅 (I love making my life harder lmao). I mainly focused on his thoughts towards you with these cards so all them represent are his feelings towards you and your relationship.

The hierophant gave me a more unconventional vibe like if they go for you they know they may have to change the way they think and that may be exciting to them but also nerve wracking because there is risk in being rejected if they offend you or something. With free form readings you take the surrounding cards of the card you are trying to understand and see the overall feel of them together as a story. (as an example the hierophant reversed is surrounded by the two of swords reversed but beside the 9 of cups) The reason I believe the 9 of cups is talking about a fantasy is because of the moon card below it, while being surrounded by the hierophant reversed (the uncomfortable and exciting truth of having to change for you in some way like there beliefs) and the king of swords (the overthinking and wanting to approach you in the “right way” but not having the emotional capacity to follow through) is the energy I feel when trying to combine there meanings in a comprehensive story.

The cards I pulled are just a view of their thoughts from an energetic viewpoint which is why I said I can’t pinpoint their thoughts but I can get a general overview of them. I do recommend using tarot spreads at the beginning of learning but don’t rely on them because you want to eventually trust your intuition (which I still struggle with at times but free forming has helped me be more confident especially when people confirm it with feedback).

Free forming can be a bit overwhelming but fun to have to “crack the puzzle” and find combinations that make sense to you intuitively. (good luck by the way! That’s awesome that your learning to read tarot❤️) the only reason I don’t see them approaching you is there own “rigidity” with the king of swords; it is not the best card to get when you are talking about love because it’s all logic and know emotional understanding. When it is beside a water card like the 9 of cups it’s like being critical of those "dreams" and being to logical to fully open up to them (judging them most likely not hating them but finding them a bit unrealistic) or believing they don't matter unless there is logical evidence that their feelings won’t disappear and that there is a possibility for the relationship to happen.

My intuition tells me they fantasize being the emperor, someone who has the guts and confidence to approach you and handle whatever may come but I see there overthinking leads them to being to “airy” and ungrounded so a lot of there ideas stay in there head. Doesn’t mean they won’t approach you about this eventually but there is a probability as well that if they don't keep having this "feelings"/crush on you for long they will drop it and just stay friends. There taking things slow which is responsible of them and expected of the king of swords so eventually if these feelings continue they will approach you. The 2 of sword reversed though shows they debate on it so I really can't say what they will choose. I always say energy can change especially future energy so just enjoy your time with them and maybe drop hints of your interest so maybe that will spark them to do something.

Sorry it’s a lot to unpack but there's your sneak peak into my mind and how I connect to the cards. I see them as a story to connect like a puzzle needing some sorting. Hope this helps you on your tarot reading journey!

[arandomdai]

AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM:

The Red, White, and Blue Pill Analysis

Enjoy!!!

⬛Introduction⬛

The 3 acts are a reflection of America and the different types of people that live in it. Each act shows 3 sides of the nation: the truth, the illusions, and the optimistic. The Matrix did this with the red pill blue pill when Morpheus gives Neo a choice between red ( rejection of illusions) or blue (rejection of truth). Beyoncé wants to know which one will you choose or are we made up of all three pills. The third pill, or white pill, is when you choose to be hopeful for society. Like I said, she wants to know which pill will you take or is all 3 pills within you? Let's discuss further.

🔵The Blue Pill=RENAISSANCE🔵

🔵Think about it, She releases this album at a time where you listened to the News, the endless police brutality, and losing family members. People were tired of it and just wanted it to be over. She released this album first because she wanted us to dance and feel liberated. And to also add to this, she wanted us to escape and be free from what happened during the lockdown. She wanted us to escape reality for a bit. Now she wants us to grasp it, which leads me to my next point...

⚪The White Pill=COWBOY CARTER⚪

⚪When you have songs like AMERIICAN REQUIEM", "16 CARRIAGES", "AMEN", or ALLIGATOR TEARS, it tells you about the state of the world. We build a solid foundation here (as far as music and in history), and when you have people being history revisionists and try to claim what's ours, theirs, it becomes an ongoing occurrence that needs to be stopped. Then, you have songs like "JUST FOR FUN" and "YA YA", wanting change for the better and being hopeful for the future. Knowing that yes, we are going through challenges as a society, but we are keeping the faith that it is possible for a remodel of this nation. For it to be changed, we need to have difficult conversations about the issues at hand. When she said "we are the visuals", she wasn't wrong. Look at where we are now, it is up to us to come together (hence why she hides the stars on the album cover) and build anew (the reason why the flag is under construction).

🔴The Red Pill=BETTY BLACK🔴

🔴BETTY BLACK being a rock album that has red pill themes doesn't sound far fetched. Since Rock music is rebellious (due to not sounding like what seems "normal"), it gives you this raw and uncut feeling that you can't ignore (just like you can't ignore reality). Going back to my theory that BETTY BLACK might have romantic themes, I keep thinking about how I listed the idealized woman as one of the alleged inspirations for the album. I think it's possible that Beyoncé might touch on the unrealistic expectations of women, finding solace in a harsh society, and focusing on being the romantic hero (or being a rebel with a cause). BETTY BLACK could be so raw, uncut, harsh, and dark that the world will become shocked.

🟥 Thank you for reading my theroy. Can't wait to type more. You can ask me anything 🟥 - ☺️❤️

[klauw22]

Do you have any more ideas for D16 and Elita? I'm so curious about them together thanks to you ^^

strap in cus while im still waiting to get my hands on their figs ive been thinking abt them........... too much

tfone yuri au deelita headcanons

i imagine them to have a complicated boss-worker relationship. while d16 works in the mines as usual she cant help but sneak appreciative glances at elita. she is a strong leader, responsible and determined but also very cute in ds eyes. all the qualities d admires in a bot. orion knowing d too well teases her for having such an unrealistic crush, even joking to reveal ds feelings to elita.

because of this d16 tries very hard to reach the top ranks in the mines, not only to impress her boss but also becuase in ds mind that would bring them closer, in a sense. at least in ranks.

while d pines heavily from a distance, never having the guts to actually say something, elita is completely unaware of all this. she simply assumes d16 is a hard worker by nature, admiring her drive. elita also views d as a close friend at most, but nothing more.

elita is also cogged in this au bcs very tall femmes are my favourite flavour (something something sentinel rewarded her with a cog for her great work idk this isnt the point either way d is a shorter butch who both literally and figuratively looks up to elita)

d16s feelings eventually get so deep and so bad for the pink femme that she finally forces herself to try flirting with her. wanting to be more than just coworkers or friends. but elita being too busy and too focused on making sure nothing goes wrong in the mines reads ds attempts as playful or friendly banter, sometimes even waving her off completely having other more important things to attend to. leaving ds spark crushed each time but not fully defeated.

orion hates seeing her best friend keep being overlooked like this but also knows theres nothing she can really do to help. even if she tried setting the two up elita is quite literally out of their league. no point in even trying.

d is so desperate for any kind of attention from elita that even a passing "good job" that isnt meant to mean much else or a pat on the shoulder will make d16s whole week. in the moment d16 will try and hide the effect elitas praise has on her, holding back from grinning like an idiot but later that same day will yap orions ear off about it, gushing all star struck at elitas small gestures which give d hope at something more potentially - or hopefully - sprouting in the future.

[irritablepoe]

i am tired and a bit sick and my head is cotton and the mental illness is hitting so i wish i could phrase this better or be more specific but

what are your favourite things about mu qing? or headcanons? i didn't appreciate him before but the tumblr artists are changing my mind at breakneck speed and now i need to talk about him

hi there :3 dw, i myself am brainfoggy af today so i hope i'm coherent lmao, thank you for asking though! :D

so mu qing is such an interesting character because, yes, ofc he's kind of an asshole but there's a lot to it imo. idk how far you are in the book, i actually know more about him than i could where i am right now (light novel 4) because i spoilered myself but i'll try to keep it spoiler free? (~book 2) i don't really have headcanons except that he was the one that probably wrote the ju yang poems about feng xin's dick. reason is that he can recite it from memory, which is so fucking funny fsdjhfksd

but his fav thing about him is probably that he's sooo fucking desperate to be liked and respected. like he grew up poor surrounded by the richest people ever ofc he'd have some kind of feeling of inferiority. that's always why he has to put up such defenses, it's because he was bullied and constantly put down. when xie lian is friendly to him he so wishes to be his friend but because of the severe class difference (that xie lian doesn't realise they have or he doesn't deem as so important) stands between them, especially from mu qing's perspective. he's imo incredibly jealous of feng xin who he thinks holds xie lian's respect more so than he does. all that together then makes him so blind to the fact that they are friends, or at least could be if he didn't push them away so much (which, again, is a defense he puts up).

he also is incredibly practical, which stands in contrast to xie lian's idealism, which makes them fight or disagree with each other a lot too, which mu qing takes to heart more (he's more sensitive to criticism because of him always having to be perfect in order not to be kicked out of the palace ig, and also because he's just more sensitive in his personality in general). all of this is probably the reason why he thinks he's not as important to xie lian. i've not read their actual parting yet but ig mu qing is very fond of xie lian and cannot stand seeing him destroy himself anymore. ig he also doesn't see the point of staying, like i said he's more practical and is more focused on not getting hurt himself than saving everyone, simply because he thinks it's unrealistic. though he appreciates that trait in xie lian i think, he's just too much of a coward to think that way (not an insult, i think he states it himself later on in the series). but as i said, i don't really know that yet.

there's so much to his character and he's just so complex, i'm really looking forward to read the whole series so i can just talk about him more and in more detail. he ofc does things that are really fucking shitty but there are clear reasons he does them yk. he and feng xin are such dorks too i love them. and mu qing is just a very grumpy black cat that can't help but snap at everything lmao

thank you again for the ask hehe, yess the art of him is so good, he'd be so pleased😌(he's such a pretty boi) what do you think of him? :D

[daisywords]

Hi Daisy! Your blog and the way you write give me such nice and peaceful feeling :)

How did you get into editing? I've been currently thinking about it and you said in your pinned intro that "you did go to school for this", so I'm curious to learn a bit more from your process.

Weirdly, editing is so much fun for me, I have to stop myself when I'm drafting. So yeah, how has been your experience working with it so far?

Sorry, this might be a bit too long? Hopefully you can shine some light on those questions, thank you!

Hi!

(1) Thank you!

(2) I'll elaborate a little on my current situation + how I got here on the chance that something might be useful:

I'm still pretty early in my career journey, but currently I work full time on the editing team at a research organization. Eventually I'd like to move to freelance work and/or lean more into the book publishing side of things (I get to work with books sometimes, but not like. fun ones) but for now I'm getting experience/building up savings etc.

I don't think it's very common, but the university I attended had a linguistics-based program specifically for editing, mostly focused on copyediting (whereas a lot of editors come from an English/journalism background).

This program plus a couple internships I did* worked out for me in terms of coming out with some specific skills/experience already under my belt, which I used to get hired at my current job. (for example, a lot of copyediting roles using editing tests in the hiring process, and I had already done very similar editing tests at school).

If you're more interested in the world of fiction publishing and such, or freelancing/contract work (which is a big percentage of editing work), I'm not really a great person to ask, since I have a very loose grasp on how all of that works. (Hoping to figure more of that out in the next few years).

I have done various levels of editing for a few different books—jobs which I got through personal connections and circumstances. Frm my understanding, a lot of freelance work comes from more word-of-mouth networking, though there are some services that people use like Reedsy. Right now I'm tentatively planning on starting a few freelance projects here and there and trying to slowly build up my clientele until I can one day transition to doing that full time, but we'll see. Right now it's nice to have a stable income and health coverage and stuff, and be able to save a little, since I finished school with basically zero dollars.

*one at a small publishing house and another with my university's editing service for the faculty

(3) Editing is so fun! Sometimes it sucks, but it's also fun. I'm one of those nerds that finds grammar and usage really interesting, so even though a lot of what I do at work is delete commas in some places and add them in others, it's still interesting to me.

I also like the more developmental/structural side of editing, though I have less experience doing that. But I love starting with all the pieces already there, like clay, so to speak, and turning a piece of writing into the best version of itself.

There are some things about my current work that I don't love, of course. A lot of what I edit is more academic writing, which can get pretty dry, and often I'll find a project interesting enough the first time I read through it, but I absolutely hate it by the time I'm done. Sometimes people want things done on unrealistic timelines and I have to deal with that. etc etc.

When I'm drafting my own writing, I usually have my editing brain turned off. Sometimes I'll skim back through my own drafts and notice really obvious mistakes or things that I correct in other people's writing in my sleep. I don't tend to spend a lot of time reworking things as I go, maybe because I keep the editing process pretty compartmentalized in my head.

Anyway that's a lot of rambling from me. Hopefully at least some of that answered your questions.

Nice to "meet" you!

[leighlew3]

Hello.

How do you keep yourself motivated to write screenplay/ tv pilots when no one is making deals or selling anything due to the strike? When money is running low and the uncertainty of this insidious industry stresses you out. It's been a long hard road for me but I still desire to tell stories that can impact people, the ones who are marginalized like me and don't have a voice in mainstream Hollywood. I haven't broken in the business yet, how do you stay focused on your writing and not give up?

"I still desire to tell stories that can impact people, the ones who are marginalized like me and don't have a voice in mainstream Hollywood"

Same. This sorta sums it up perfectly, tbh.

I think that's what majorly drives me as well at this point. Doing this is my dream obviously and I've been busting ass to work towards all of this for YEEEARS (most my life) amidst so much struggle and hell, and now even the loss of my Mom/best friend/biggest champion right as things were finally getting good. Not only are we in the middle of an unprecedented and demoralizing strike because of the AMPTP's egos, but I am still doing all this despite knowing my mom won't even be here to see it. And that can be tough. Tough as fuck.

Wanting to take care of her for her rest of her life drove me to keep going, but now she's gone before she should have been. AND there's a strike that feels hopeless and endless at times, which began literally 5 days after I lost her. So it can get dark sometimes. And I've been super restless during this era of grief + waiting on Hollywood. Alas, now I just try to keep in mind: this is all to hopefully give a voice and entertainment and validity to others, as much as it is about achieving my dreams, making my mom proud, etc.

Also, I've just been through so much in my life that at times ALL I had was blind optimism and desperate hope to keep me going. I wouldn't be alive today if not for hope, however unrealistic or insanely naive it seemed at times. I think that's why I love the character of Supergirl so much. Because no matter what she's gone through, all the anger and loss and being underestimated, etc -- she never ever gives up on: HOPE.

So I just hold onto that sense of hope, and I listen to music that inspires me and watch films/tv shows that get me excited, and I -- just keep going. I really have no choice, honestly. I've hit some writer's blocks since mom died, since the strike, etc but eventually it broke, eventually I pushed through.

It's truly just a matter of unyielding hope and grit and determination not to let all of this drag me down and make me give up and then it's all for nothing. I have good days and bad days -- sometimes VERY bad. But the strike WILL end, so in the meantime, writing and creating amidst the insanity of it all in order to have fresh material that can go out when it's done has felt important.

So. Yeah. I pray you can hang onto that hope as well.

[waitwiah]

No really, what is actually happening?

\Post05\: Be so f*cking for real right now.

**TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of illness and terrible language. I’m so sorry.

I DID NOT WANT THIS TO BE A POST BUT HERE WE ARE.

So – this is going to be a short long story time and rant session because I need it right now (so apologies in advance).

Hello everyone,

I hope you’re all doing as well as you can be right now, considering… you know.

It’s Alia again, still trying to figure out what is actually happening. I am going to preface this by saying I have already been to therapy this week, but needed something else to help me get through this spicy situation right now – writing it all down.

I have not worked since Tuesday, January 7th. Yes, that is over 3 weeks ago. So the funny thing about this is, I was hospitalized for about 2 of those weeks for two separate things at two separate hospitals. The first hospital stay was local to me at a research hospital for my always inconvenient blood sugar swings. Essentially the care team explained I was producing too much insulin in certain situations, causing swings in my blood sugar levels. I did not even have time to celebrate this breakthrough! 😩

However, the physicians did not understand why this was happening and wanted to experiment with a medication to test its effects on my insulin levels. In short, they gave me meds for something I don’t have but it is a similar disease process so they hope it will work. Funny story, the medication side effects mimic the symptoms I experience when my blood sugars take rapid swings (lethargy, slurred speech, blurry vision, confusion, etc). Because of that fun situation, it was suggested that I live under supervision (full-time was their suggestion, however that is not feasible for my current work/health situation) while we see if the medication is effective. So instead of going home after being discharged from the hospital, I went to stay with my mom almost against my will. I did not have my car and I would be over 3 hours away from my place of work and apartment. Oh – did I mention that due to a situation I could not control, my boss revoked my work from home privileges? And even after providing proof to both HR (HR agreed I was not at fault) and my boss that it was beyond my control and did everything I could to remedy the situation this privilege was never reinstated? You know what that means, right? I will receive no pay, because it’s less than a month into the year and I used all my sick time and vacation time BY BEING IN THE HOSPITAL, for the time I need to be under supervision, which my care team agreed should be around 2 weeks. So, I went to live with my mom for that time so I could “recover” from my hospital stay.

SPOILER ALERT: THERE WAS NO RECOVERY

My mother, who I was staying with, bless her heart, had a total knee replacement 36 hours after we arrived at my childhood home. And you know what that means? Taking care of someone with limited mobility while I’m trying to stay on top of a new medication schedule and managing crazy symptoms – sounds fun, right? So instead of focusing on recovery and mitigating medication symptoms, I’m focused on making sure my mom gets to the bathroom okay, not sleeping because I need to make sure she gets her medication on a proper schedule, refilling ice machines, warming up food, making sure she’s actually eating and drinking, and trying to keep her from having unrealistic expectations about healing after such a big procedure. Did I mention that I also could not work from home during this time? Guess what happened. I’m being so serious. Guess. What. Happened.

Funny story again, I lasted 4 days. FOUR F*CKING DAYS before I was in the hospital again. From “doing too much” I guess, my feeding tube decided to become folded and twisted in my intestines and stop functioning. This means: my medication schedule – f*cked. My mental health – f*cked. My road to recovery – f*cked. Oh and my blood sugar – totally f*cked as well, yes.

We’re going to skip the ER doctors being completely confused about how I have hypoglycemia without a tumor or diabetes and how my blood sugars don’t seem to ever stabilize for long. Fast forward to my admission. The absolutely kind and wonderful ER doc said they would do everything possible to acquire the correct feeding tube to replace mine (did I mention it was just replaced 6 days before?). Loved him; I would totally recommend this man as a physician and trust him with my life. The day after I was admitted, my care team came to my room and said, “hey girl, we got your tube. Everything is going to be great. We’re going to try to fix your tube first, and if it that doesn’t work we’ll just replace it, don’t even worry about it.” I’m of course like hell yeah, thank you Luke Wilson (my hospitalist looked just like Luke Wilson and he was also the kindest, most understanding person and took all of my concerns seriously).

Surprise! Guess who did not have the right tube? Guess who refused to look at the note in my medical record detailing the proper tube size and length for my body? Guess who placed a comparable tube in my hand, had me sign a consent form saying this was the tube to be placed and then DID NOT place it? Guess who said it was “impossible” to guarantee my NJ tube would actually be an NJ instead of an NG despite every other physician being able to do it for the last 2+ years? Guess who left the same tube inside of me even though they could not advance it, and was aware that is was UNUSABLE because it was in the wrong position? Ope, guess who also said I was not throwing up blood after the procedure, despite the nurse and my family witnessing it, and the nurse taking pictures of the blood explaining that it was in fact blood? You’ve guessed right – the GI doctor on staff!

When she came into my room, I was on the phone with my partner and placed my phone on the bedside table. THIS WOMAN PUSHED THE TABLE WITH MY PHONE OUT OF REACH FROM ME (AND MY PARTNER OUT OF EAR SHOT), AS IF SHE WERE GOING TO EXAMINE ME FROM THAT SIDE OF THE BED, AND WALKED TO THE FURTHEST PART OF THE ROOM ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE TABLE AND PROCEEDED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME. Now, I’m not going to say it was intentional, but it seemed intentional to me…

Now, this woman, tone dripping with snark and disdain from the moment we met, not only insisted I just “try eating by mouth” like I hadn’t been trying to do so without passing out for the last 3 years, prescribed tylenol for my level 8 pain due to the tube being in the incorrect position, continued to fight me about the position of my tube (it was not in the right place, everyone on staff agreed it was incorrectly placed besides her)… but this woman had the gall to say she did not feel comfortable advancing the current tube and refused to remove the tube despite it continuing to cause pain and discomfort to the point where I had not slept in days and it brought me to tears just to urinate (TMI, I’m so sorry). Then she confessed to not having enough experience with NJ tubes and would see if a colleague of hers could advance it (they did not even try to advance it because the colleague said no, and did not give a reason for the refusal, and then they also refused to remove the now extremely painful tube despite there no longer being a plan to advance it).

You know what is worse than the GI doc eventually saying, “I actually don’t do these often, so I just did what I felt was best”? This woman told me, and I quote, “NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD GO TO YOUR HOME HOSPITAL TO HAVE YOUR TUBE REPLACED THE WAY YOU WANT IT AND BRING EXTRA FEEDING TUBES WITH YOU TO THE HOSPITAL.” She then accused me of telling my family that she “took out my current feeding tube, rubbed feces on it, and shoved it back down into [me].” Obviously, I never said that, because how would I even know she did that if I were asleep for the procedure? What was explained to me was that she removed the tube, cleaned it, tried to remove the bend, and put it back in.

Now when I say it took the strength of my entire family line to hold me back after she accused me of lying on her and feeling emboldened to talk to me any kind of way, especially after the table incident…

So, in a very demure, very calm way I explained a few things:

I called the hospital ahead of time asking if they performed this specific type of procedure.

I was admitted through the EMERGENCY ROOM. Meaning EMERGENCY situation. I came to this specific hospital out of necessity, not want.

My “home hospital” was an additional 90 minutes away in rush hour traffic.

My regular physician who would have performed this procedure was ON VACATION until the following week.

Last but certainly not least, I cannot just have feeding tubes on my person at all times because I am not a medical supplier or physician – I cannot have this equipment with me???? Like wtf???? How would that even work????

This woman then proceeded to tell me it was impossible for the hospital to order the correct tube, despite my “home hospital”, which is in the same system, just downtown, replacing my tube with the correct model routinely. I also attempted to explain (she had stopped listening to me at this point and said we just weren’t going to continue this conversation and that she was going to document that I refused treatment without explaining that I needed this specific tube for a reason and refused to document our conversation at all…) that it is common that my tube is overlooked because it is not the standard size and often causes some confusion to physicians because it looks different from the smaller, traditional NJ tube. She refused to listen any longer and left my bedside.

But hey, guess what? While she was putting the tube in the wrong place and refusing to remove it, she found that my nasal septum had eroded so badly from continuous bridling (tying a silicone, wire reinforced tube around by nose to make sure my feeding tube does not become dislodged) that my nose was on the verge of collapse and I could not have my tube secured in that way ever again. And because of this, I needed a more permanent tube, a surgically placed tube directly through my abdomen into my intestine. She also said I would be ugly with a collapsed nose. So that was fun information to have.

We will talk about the surgical feeding tube placement in a different post because the way people think I’m an idiot and that I don’t care about my health is beyond me.

So, the following day the same GI provider came back to my room, fresh faced, wearing lipstick and dangly earrings, to explain that the tube was actually available for order, and they just needed to communicate with my “home hospital” to see what the model was! SHOCKER! She said she “prayed all night about me” (I’m an atheist, but I do not look down upon people who are religious because that is stupid to do. However, I was not impressed by this confession because of how horrible she had been to me at every interaction.) and would do her best to have someone who was more familiar with NJ tubes place my tube and try to have the right tube on-site within 24 hours. I was of course gracious and thanked her – I will mention that “Luke Wilson” was in the room at this time and she was acting like a completely different person.

In the end, a different GI physician who could guarantee my feeding tube would be in the right spot, changed my feeding tube and had me back in my room (without any bleeding, complications, or ridiculous pain) in less. Than. One. Hour. You read that correctly; less than an hour to replace my tube and send me on my way. Don’t even get me started on how they had my proper feeding tube on site for almost 48 hours but didn’t perform the procedure…

In summary, I was in the hospital for 7 days this time, without any source of nutrition besides sugar water through an IV, experiencing blood sugar issues, being in extreme amounts of pain, not getting a moment to be by myself to process everything, and ended up with a bill totaling well over $40,000.

Now let’s get to the good part: because I was in the hospital for nearly 2 weeks and have been out of office recovering and restarting that terrible (hopefully will work eventually) medication, I have not worked in over 3 weeks. You know what that means? I have no money. That’s right – I cannot pay my bills or even afford to use extra gas to see my partner let alone get him a gift for his birthday that’s in a few days or valentines day in a couple weeks. This month I made less than the cost of my rent. Horrendous – I know.

So you know what I do? Empty my little savings into my checking account. Then, I ask my father for help. My father, who pays other people’s rent and other expenses because he is all about helping his children, would not hesitate to help me. So I did what any child would do: I asked him if there was anything I could help him out with to make his life easier and he pay me half of my month’s salary or just the cost of my rent for doing so. I do not feel right about taking money from family and friends for nothing – I want to be able to provide something in return until I can pay back the money in full. Sounds reasonable, I think. My father says okay, cool, don’t worry about it. So I have been not worrying about it for a little over a week now and my rent was due today. The payment plan I’m on for having $1400 worth of maintenance service on my car is due soon. My water bill, gas and electric bill are due soon.

I preemptively applied for emergency government assistance a week ago just in case things don’t pan out with my father.

I applied to be a shopper for Instacart but can’t do it because my car insurance doesn’t cover “commercial use”.

I’m looking for things in my house to sell, which might have to be all the books I haven’t read yet or sentimental gifts I received over the holidays.

I asked my boss if I could work from home, and she ignored me.

I’m just so confused as to why, by no choice of my own, I spend time out from work due to a really sh*tty health condition that I am in this situation? I would spend my last bit of energy trying to work so I can pay these expensive ass hospital bills, even though I know it would render me non-functional for days. I would at least have a more robust savings account if I didn’t have these random health emergencies so frequently.

Oh – another amazing thing about this fabulous time off, it has only been extended by this extra week because the doctor who can sign off on my ability to go back to work is on vacation and has not been able to submit the paperwork to HR yet. Fun.

Lastly, if I’m out of the office for the length of one calendar month I lose my health insurance. That means that the full brunt of both hospital stays will be on my head, totaling nearly $100,000. This does not even include the cost of each specialist visit I have.

I was told to apply for long term disability, but those payments barely cover my rent (not even my bills) and would not even cover half of my moving costs if I were to “downsize”. My rent is extremely cheap for where I live. Most people pay almost double for a studio apartment just a few minutes down the road. And if I’m going to be spending an extended period of time somewhere, I need to be in a good space. Not a super fancy, high-end space, but a space that allows me to function well with this very annoying disability.

Anyway, enough of that.

After being continuously surrounded by people for 20 days, I’m now getting a moment to finally catch my breath just to have it knocked right back out of my lungs. No, I’m not okay. No, I don’t want to talk about it (any more than with this post).

I will end by saying – check on your people. PLEASE. There is a lot going on in the world right now.

If you need to, put your phone on “do not disturb” for a day. Take a moment. Breathe. Dissociate. Go for a walk. Meditate. Scream. Cry. Throw something; because, in the words of the wise prophet GloRilla, “at the end of the day, the day gotta end.” And you’ll be able to try something different tomorrow.

Love you all.

Alia xx

[oniononi2000]

first day back into art studies

i am very nervouxcited today!!! i could just SCREAM!

today is my first foray back into really committing myself to my art studies again. i took break from them because I became extremely overwhelmed with college and knew that I could not mentally focus on both. however, it has been 2 weeks since i have graduated and I feel thoroughly refreshed and ready!!

studying can be really hard for me cause i find myself wanting to design the most min-maxed ultimate schedule ever but that is just SO not realistic for me. for starters, it takes me a while to start tasks and it is really hard to stay on task, the old study schedules i would make were super idealistic and unrealistic. like 8-12 hours of studying a day level unrealistic(you don't even really pick up info as deeply after like 4 anyways so..literally wasting time so less efficient when you think about it?) not to mention since i'd schedule myself completely full, for weeks out in advance, i would inevitably not live up to these schedules and have to shift my whole schedule(also weeks out in advance) + feeling demotivated constantly having to re-arrange my schedule.

after A LOT of trial and error i have found myself able to chew through work slightly better by scheduling lots of varied things for smaller increments of time. i also set a limit so i dont spend all day trying to study(emphasis on trying, because i definitely won't ACTUALLY do that. just flip flop between studying and worrying about not studying) n e ways. i still find myself easily getting distracted and also spending a lot of time just choosing where to start, so i have been trying pomodoro timers to see if that helps. so far it has been helpful but i have only used it for a few days currently. something about the small small dedicated blocks of working helps me refocus(which helps prevent me from spending 5ever picking what to start).

so yea, i have made a weekly study guide that just goes over general things for the week, like things i'd like to practice each day and then a few projects. it's about a year long atm, i will update it with future studies when i get there lololol i use this week by week guide to help me with my daily calendar. which is just awesome for me, the less on the spot decision making i have to do the better. another thing i found that would make it hard for me to study consistently is trying to plan my studies out for the day just as i went along. i tried that after the 8+ hour study regimen (basically swinging too hard the other way) and found myself stuck in decision paralysis day after day. so i am now doing a slightly planned but much more flexible schedule now?? and so far it has been great. just again, struggle with staying focused. but that is what the pomodoro timer is for(and like i said so far so good)

i have a lot of high hopes, because even with my crazy studying journey and total inconsistency, i STILL SAW tons of personal progress and development. so i know once i get back into it and stick with it i will see the gainz again and since i dont have to worry about college i have way more free time now!!

i might post some of my old study work + new study work, but no guarantee, it highkey depends on how im feeling!! i dont want posting to become the focus of these studies either, i worry ill become perfectionist in my studies

so yeah!! the agenda today is some simple volume drawings + simplify from observation project with a sprinkle of blender donut tutorial study work later. being week 1 of this new study-venture i am keeping it easy and building up to more intense studies + exercises

i'm done rambling for now, i am looking forward to taking this step forward on my journey!!!

[jolynesdreams]

okay so. i haven’t written anything in forever and tbh i wasn’t really planning on writing more but then i was about to nap and a horny demon possessed me and wrote this: 2k of bokuto using a gloryhole <3

this is super self indulgent !! i wrote it with my pussy, in like 90 minutes, and did not edit or beta it AT ALL ! so mind any typos/errors and such. i also tried something new in that i focused more on bokuto than the reader! 

tags: afab!gender neutral reader (no pronouns/nicknames are used) x bokuto, gloryholes, oral (m!receiving), exhibitionism, unprotected sex, anonymous sex, public sex, creampies, unrealistic scenarios (but you’re on tumblr reading haikyuu porn, so are you really looking for realism?), and reader calling bokuto “good boy” despite there being no real power dynamic 

this fic is my (@jolynesdreams) intellectual property. do not repost. do not upload elsewhere. do not reference my work on tiktok. if you are a minor, do not interact with this post or my blog. thank you for reading!

🏷️: @tsumtsumsthighs​ @crybabycrisis​ @thetempleofnyx​ @moonsong1027​ @semisgroupie​ 

koutaro has never done anything like this before. palms sweaty and shaky at his sides, he tries breathing in through his nose and out his mouth to calm himself down. it normally works, but he just can’t shake the jittery feeling as he walks into the less-than-pristine public restroom. 

he counts the stalls, looking for the third one from the left, and tries to ignore the fact that there are other people in the bathroom. it was a hope in vain that the bathroom would be empty. he nervously adjusts his mask as he attempts to look as casual as possible when walking into the stall. 

he shakily slides the lock shut and lets out a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding. his eyes quickly fall on the reason he came to this particular bathroom, thirty minutes away from his apartment. 

a crudely cut hole lined with duct tape stares back at koutaro who shivers when the gravity of what he is about to do dawns on him. 

so. 

i just. 

stick my cock in there. 

koutaro’s hand is on the latch of the bathroom, about to leave, when someone walks into the stall on the other side of the hole. the click of the lock is loud, reverberating between kou’s ears. 

he steels himself to leave once more, but his eyes are locked on watching your minimal movements. he sees you shift your weight from one foot to another before kneeling on the ground. he doesn’t have time to cringe at the thought of your knees on the dirty floor before your pink tongue is sticking through to his side of the bathroom. 

instantly, he feels his cock firm up at the sight of your tongue peeking through. the thought of you, someone kou doesn’t even know, so desperate for the taste of cock that you come here of all places makes the blood quickly rush south. 

his pants are becoming increasingly more uncomfortable as he gets harder and harder at the thought of fucking your soft mouth and the feeling of your plush lips on his cock. his hand falls from the door handle and goes back to his side. he takes another deep breath, trying to work up the courage to get over the awkwardness of what he’s about to do. 

“are you going to keep me waiting here all day?”

he’s startled by your voice but quickly shakes his head. realizing you can’t see him, but not trusting his voice to not come out all cracked and uneven, he just walks over to the hole and starts untying the string of his sweatpants. 

“you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but is this your first time using a gloryhole?” 

kou pales at the bluntness of your words but is able to muster a small mhmm, hoping you can hear him through the wall of the bathroom stall. 

“that’s okay, i’ll be sure to take real good care of you.” he hopes you don’t notice how he shivers at your words, nods silently and continues taking off his pants. 

he slides them and his briefs down his thick, creamy thighs in one swift motion. his cock, already half-hard, stands out in front of him, twitching, begging to be touched. he moves closer until his cockhead is just past the tape, and he makes a small mental note hoping that the hole is big enough for him to fit through when he’s fully hard. 

“good boy,” he shivers again. “now just relax.” before he can try to respond to you again, he’s sharply inhaling as your lips wrap around the head of his cock. 

holy shit. 

your mouth feels like heaven, so warm and wet around his cock. he can’t help but step closer, greedily wanting to shove more of his cock into the plush heat enveloping his length. you continue to suck his tip and run your tongue along the sensitive underside of his head, causing him to get fully hard. 

it’s almost a bit of a tight squeeze, but soon enough, his entire length is through the hole into your side of the stall. he whines softly as you take him out of your mouth, but when you lick a broad stripe from the base of his cock to his tip, he has to bite on his finger so to not be too loud. 

you do this multiple times, licking the length of kou’s shaft, feeling every curve and vein under your tongue. he’s big. you take a sharp breath through your nose before taking as much of his length into your mouth as you can. 

koutaro, forgetting himself, moans loudly at the feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat. he squeezes his eyes tight as his hands go to grip the top of the stall to ground himself. his jaw goes slack as he feels you bob your head up and down on his shaft, being sure to suck hard on his sensitive head when you move your head back. 

he can’t control himself and starts bucking his hips, trying to fuck into the back of your mouth. he thrusts one, two, three times before he slips his cock into your throat, moaning so loudly he almost misses the sound of you gagging. your mouth is off him and he feels like he could cry. 

“‘m sorry, ‘m sorry, it jus’ feelsso good,” kou slurs. you can see that his knuckles are white where he’s gripping the top of the wall and you can hear how he’s almost whining at the loss of touch. 

you catch your breath before responding. “it’s okay, you’re just too big for me to deepthroat.” 

your voice sounds like you’ve been gargling rocks, much different from the soft, sultry tone from when you first spoke to him. kou is conflicted. he feels bad, but at the same time, he feels a sense of pride from being able to fuck up your voice so severely with just a few thrusts. 

“‘s okay, i’ll control myself,” kou whines. he just wants to feel the warmth of your mouth on his cock again. he’s never felt something so good. no service ace or any 1000 yen note he finds crumpled in the pocket of old jackets can compare to your velvet lips and perfect tongue. 

his prayers are answered when you take him back into your mouth, bobbing your head with vigor as you moan softly around him. he thinks the combination of your heavenly touch and the vibrations will be the death of him. he’s lost control of his voice at this point, moaning and whining and letting out slurred praises for just how amazing you feel. 

kou loses control of his hips once again, thrusting forward to get more of his cock in your mouth, more of your spit along his length, more of the mind-scrambling pleasure that’s clouding his senses. the wall of the bathroom is shaking with the weight of his thrusts against it.

this time, he actually doesn’t hear you gag, but the loss of contact sobers him up quickly enough to put two and two together. 

“ohmygod i’m so sor––”

“i told you you can’t thrust into my throat like that.” your voice is even rougher than before, and if kou didn’t feel so bad about making you gag a second time, he probably would’ve cum from the sound alone. 

“i know, i jus’ can’t control myself, you feel too good.” his cheeks are glowing bright red with embarrassment, and he’s glad that you can’t see his face from where you are on the other side of the wall. 

“if you can’t control yourself, you can either jack off by yourself or––” 

“please,” he whines. “please, please, anything but that, please, i’m so close.” 

“or,” you repeat, louder this time to cut off his whining. you can’t lie, it turns you on how desperate he is, but you can’t let him on to this just yet. when he quiets down, you continue. “i could let you fuck me through the wall.” 

knowing what his answer is going to be, you’re already standing and sliding your pants down your legs, grimacing slightly at how soaked your underwear are.

“please, let me fuck you, please, let me feel your pussy, want it so bad,” his impatience shows as his cock greedily bobs up and down and you smile softly before getting comfortable. 

knees bent slightly, you reach your hand behind you to grab the base of his cock so you can guide his length into your sopping pussy. you drag your hips backwards so that your ass is flush with the wall. 

kou instantly knows he isn’t going to last. your pussy feels even better than your mouth, gushing wetness around his length as he fills you to the brim with his cock. he feels your pussy squeeze and twitch around him, and he hopes that you’ve adjusted to his size. 

he starts thrusting so hard that you almost lose your balance. his hips hammer against the wall, sure to leave twin bruises on his hip bones from how hard he’s pounding into you. he can hear your muffled moans and while he knows he should do the same, try to conceal his pleasure, he can’t.

his grip on the top of the door is so strong that he fears he may tear the wall down, but he can’t find it in himself to care. all he cares about is getting more, more, more of his cock into your pussy. he curses the wall for getting in the way of shoving all of himself into you, wishing his hips could be flush with your ass, wishing he could feel the slap of his balls against your soaking pussy. 

if he could, he’d wrap his hand around you and rub your clit between his fingers. his other hand would pinch and squeeze at your nipples, drawing an orgasm out of you. if you wanted, he’d pull on your hair or choke you or do whatever you wanted from him to make you cum. his lust-filled brain continues making scenarios where he can pleasure you in return, making his orgasm sneak up on him. 

before he can warn you, he’s nearly screaming, ramming his cock as deep as it can go into you, and cumming into your pussy. you continue to grind your hips on his length, working him through his orgasm. he feels your pussy squeeze, milking his cock for all the cum he has to give. 

slowly, his hands slide down the wall and his head slumps forward. he tries to catch his breath as you get off his length, hissing slightly as you feel his cum drip out of you and onto the floor. 

“take your time. but, there is a line.” koutaro quickly snaps out of his post-orgasm haze and cleans himself the best he can. he pulls his sweats back up, shivering slightly at the feeling of the fabric of his briefs against his overstimulated cock. he opens the door to see two men he doesn’t recognize palming at the bulges in their pants, nearly headbutting each other to get into the stall first. 

before trying to process what just happened, what he just did, kou wonders if he stays, if he can talk to you. he can’t just have the best orgasm of his life and then drive home. 

he sees your hand poke out from under the stall you’re in, phone in hand. he squints, seeing that it’s open to the page where you can create a new contact. you shake it, hoping he takes the hint. 

kou quickly types his number in and gives the phone back before the two other men can even notice what’s going on. a few seconds go by when he feels his pocket buzz. 

from: unknown number 

i normally don’t let guys do that. i’m here most weekends if you want to do this again. 

from: unknown number

or, you can take me to dinner first ;)