#keep your pants on

[jupiterjelliez]

do yall fw pressure

[frank-o-meter]

Irish rugby player Mack Hansen has been asked to keep his pants on this week… I can see why…

[lizleeships]

...All this work for a hentai joke. I'm terribly sorry.

I also consulted my jury of Patrons about whether or not Dean would say "Calm your tits". I'm not convinced he would, but also not convinced he wouldn't. :D

(Don't repost, but reblogs are very welcome)

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[teaboot]

Acab applies to security guards too.

Okay, so there's two basic kinds of security: public and private

Public security is for government employees like police

Private security is stuff like security guards, bodyguards, and bouncers

As a security guard, you need to pass different licensing exams for different privileges. Someone who might handcuff people needs a license to carry handcuffs- someone who might need to carry a weapon needs a license for that weapon.

I passed my BST exam something like five years ago and stopped there, so I am allowed to carry: A radio

And as private security, again, there are two basic kinds: in-house and contract

Contract security means a company or a person or a location like a park can pay my boss' boss money to send powerless scarecrows in uniforms to walk around and provide what is called "visible presence"

which is, essentially, a life-size cardboard cutout of a guy wearing the classic Spirit Halloween costume, "Black Slacks Law Professional" in size L

So if the entire chain of authority, from a toddler at the mall food court all the way up to whoever happens to have access to the majority of the planet's nukes at this time, you should know that someone like me currently ranks somewhere very slightly above Janitor, but still definitely below Cinnabon Assistant Manager

Which means that if I chose to go rogue and use my powers for evil TOMORROW, I would maybe manage to punch a Cinnabon employee and shoplift half a dozen chocolate bars from the gift shop before I am fired and in jail being sued off my ass with my licenses revoked for life, unable to leave the country or apply for a job at Walmart with my new shiny criminal record

Security guards and mall cops ain't police. We're dressed like police so you don't try and do something illegal in the area, but the vast majority of us can't actually do anything.

Calm down

[emmcfrxst]

jason todd swears like a sailor whenever you ride him. the visual of your body on top of his, the feeling of your hands on his chest and your cunt fluttering around him, the sweet sounds of your moans and mewls— everything about getting ridden makes jason’s dick hard and turns his brain to mush

[vroom-vrooms]

Honestly it’s so funny that the most insane thing happening right now is Nico Rosberg’s inability to shut the fuck up about Lewis

[burnttcoffeee]

sometimes family is a controlling manipulative goddess, her husband who is also her, a buff guy with a lion on his back, a single mother obsessed with an egg, a war criminal mama’s boy, a witch that slayed her mortal body, the golden boy she also killed, a himbo who fought the sky, the femboy who seduced him, his sleepy trans girl alter ego, the hemophiliac he also seduced, an amputee cursed with rot, a sad old man with a ton of horns, and a guy with an inferiority complex and a penchant for limbs, and i think that’s beautiful

[transformersbrainrot]

ORION WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GRAB HIS ASS?? THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH!!

[lonionjon]

Skrunkly (Cat!John) and Martin based on @ultramarinaa's design and @thestrangepoet's fanfic

The smaller I draw him the happier I am ...

[lady-stardust-incarnate]

A brief summary of how each character is doing at the end of the trojan war

Menelaus - alive!!! (somehow)

Helen - alive! was gonna get killed but she's too hot for that

Achilles - dead

Patroclus - dead

Paris - dead, shot in the dick (ha)

Hector - dead, body absolutely desecrated (you were a dick for that Achilles)

Agamemnon - alive then dead (you were a queen for that Clytemnestra)

Odysseus - blublublublub (jk he gets Penelope and Telemachus back but not before slaughtering most of the nobles of Ithica, there's kind of a whole book on it)

Ajax - dead

Penthesilea - dead

Diomedes - cucked (aphrodite's punishment for fucking up her wrist)

Aeneas - bringing the squad to Italy (there's kind of a whole book on it)

[ladyamortencia]

SIR YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!

This author is convinced that Mr. Bridgerton would have gotten her off right there if not for the well-timed horse.

Completely unrelated... I would pay to be that door...

[bogleech]

Alien guy who's always on about his wife being an emotionless life sucking parasite and like "you know how it is with the females" so you think he's just an asshole until you find out more about his species and he meant it as affectionately as he did literally

[hjemne]

Vash: strips and barks like a dog

Wolfwood:

[daftmooncretin]

spock will literally say something incredibly dull about fractions or some shit and jim will be on the floor laughing, choking, hyperventilating before he’s even got the sentence like “oh mr spock your so funny….” “oh spock you make me believe in miracles….” like jesus christ jim you slut can you chill tf out the vulcan isnt even trying to be funny right now he’s just doing his science job. i hope the dick is good because the jokes certainly arent.

[vroom-vrooms]

Formula one drivers have no shame because literally can you calm the FUCK down and try not to declare your undying love or your unmatched desire for your fellow driver every time you two are relatively near each other??

[sirazaroff]

is baby