#keep in mind dick is still young. he may be the oldest but he is still a victim of things that much older ppl have done to him

[carpthecarp]

ppl who say Dick was a bad brother to TIM bc of the Dick as Batman shit are CRAY!!!

[ragingbookdragon]

What Is A Mother, But The Woman Who Loves Us Most?

A Batmom x Batfamily One-Shot

Word Count: 3.3K Warnings: Angst

Author's Note: I know there is a story like this already (by a different author) but I should preface that this is a story that I posted a year or so before but deleted my previous blog last year, so it's not going to seem like it. I haven't copied any ideas, this is my own that I posted a year or so ago, and re-posting again now. -Thorne

You are not my mother!

The loathing words came out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he watched the cave go deathly quiet around him. Everyone's eyes were wide, even hers, but a millisecond later, they set in a hard stare as she stood straight, her jaw tightening.

She nodded, staring at him. "You're right Damian. I'm not Talia al Ghul. I'm not your mother. But I will tell you what I am." She raised her left hand, flashing the silver wedding ring on her finger. "I'm your father's wife. And what I tell you to do in this manor is what I expect from you."

He shook his head in anger, glaring at her. "This is my father's manor!"

"No Damian, this is the Wayne Manor. And I've been, to use a rather weathered term, the lady of the house for almost fifteen years. Long before you were even a thought in Talia's mind." He stopped and she crossed her arms. "I may not be your mother, but you are a child and your father and I are the adults. When you turn eighteen, you can make all the decisions you want. Until then, what we say goes."

His lips drew in a taut line and she added, "I've already talked about it to Bruce. You're not allowed on patrol after what happened at the gala. If you want to complain to him about it, he's going to tell you the same thing." Her eyes shifted to the others, then she looked back at him one last time before turning around and walking up the stairs.

When she was gone, he let out a shout in anger and threw silver coffee pot against the cave wall. It hit the wall with a clang and dropped, rolling on the ground a few times as it spilled its contents, much like his mood.

He felt their eyes on them and he whipped his head up, glaring at them. "What?!"

Tim and Jason simply narrowed their eyes at him, but Dick walked forward and knelt in front of him. "Kiddo, that wasn't a nice thing to say to mom."

Damian scoffed at him before shoving past, climbing up the stairs. “Like the three of you haven't said that to her before." There was no return to his statement, giving him all the answer, he needed.

***

He stepped out of the study stretching his arms and listening to the sound of his bones popping before he shifted, moving towards the door. The boys had left a few minutes earlier to catch a rerun of an episode of Vikings, leaving him alone in the cave.

Alfred walked up to him, handing him a sweater before motioning to the door. "Mrs. Wayne has taken a seat out on the patio. I suspect you'll wish to see her."

Bruce nodded, taking the sweater from him before thanking him and moving out of the study and towards the patio. He crossed into the living room as he did, stopping to stare at his four sons passed out on the couch. The TV was still going, so he leaned down, gently taking the remote from Dick's hand and shutting it off.

He set the remote down and started his path again, but stopped when he heard, "You going to check on mom?" He turned around, looking at a his oldest.

Bruce nodded, taking in the sight of Dick’s arms wrapped around all of his brothers. “After you boys told me what happened, I thought I should talk to her about it."

Dick nodded, reaching up and rubbing his eyes, careful not to wake the others beside him. "He didn't mean it...he'll see that when he gets over being angry."

Bruce nodded and leaned over, ruffling his hair. “Tell Jason that you two should stay at the manor tonight...it's too late for you to head home anyway."

Dick started to argue, but a look from his father and quick, “Your mother would have a fit if you two tried to drive home now or later…you know that.”

His son nodded and Bruce turned around once more, this time making his way to the dimly lit patio. His hand curled around the cool metal handle of the sliding glass door, and he quietly opened it, stepping out onto the deck. She lay on the porch swing, covered by a heavy hound’s tooth blanket, with a barely full wine glass in her hand.

He walked towards her and bent over, picking up the wine bottle; he shook it lightly before quipping, "I can't believe you've drank an entire bottle in one sitting."

As if finally noticing his presence, she tipped her head lazily to him and mumbled, "It's empty?"

He snorted and tipped the bottle upside down. "As it was the day before it was bottled."

Bruce paused and grinned as she huffed a laugh and brought the glass she had in her hand up to her mouth. He watched her down the rest of her red wine before she set the glass on the table; he set the bottle beside it and shifted her forward, easing his way behind her until they were both comfortable. She rested her back against his chest, her head dropping against his shoulder. His arms came up around her as he pulled the blanket up to her neck, keeping her warm.

He was quiet for a second then he murmured, "...The boys told me what happened earlier."

There was a moment of silence, then she whispered, "I know I should be used to it after hearing it come from each of them..." She stopped, then continued with, "But it still stings to hear it."

A sad smile crossed his lips as he pressed his lips to her temple. "Of course it stings (Y/N)...you're their mother and you love them." After he didn't receive a response from her, he tipped his head and looked down. "(Y/N)? Love?" She turned her head, and he took in the sight of the tears in her eyes; his face fell at the sight and he brought a hand up, cupping her cheek. "Oh…sweetheart."

(Y/N) choked out a sob and pressed her face into the crook of his neck as she clenched a hand in his sweater. Bruce rested his chin on the top of her head as he rubbed her back, comforting her with quiet words.

***

Damian watched them from the screen door, feeling his heart clench in his chest at the sight of (Y/N) sobbing. He swallowed thickly and stepped back, only to come into contact with someone—something. He let out a quiet gasp and spun around, seeing Dick staring sadly out at his parents, Tim and Jason behind him doing the same.

Damian looked at them and whispered, "What are you three doing?"

Dick glanced at him briefly before motioning to them. "We heard the sliding door open, and we went to listen."

"I didn't know you were eavesdroppers."

A hand came up and cuffed him upside the head; he held his head, glaring at Jason who bit out, "Shut up, two-bit. You were eavesdropping too."

Damian opened his mouth to retort, but shut it and turned back around, looking at her. A moment passed, then he mumbled, "You said the same thing I did." He looked up at his brothers, who wore clouded expressions; each of them nodded after a few seconds, and he asked, "What happened?"

Dick was the first to speak, remembering a time from when he was a mere ten years old.

***

He stomped angrily through the house, not even caring about her following him; she called after him repeatedly. "Dick. Dick, honey, stop for a second."

He didn't listen, still moving. "No! You grounded me!"

"And I grounded you for a reason. You deliberately disobeyed me." He grunted at her and she called out, her voice ringing with authority, "Richard John Grayson. Not another step young man." He stopped at it and she continued, "You left the cave tonight and went on patrol without asking. As your mom-"

He spun around, his eyes angered as he spit, "You're not my mom! Stop acting like it!" Her mouth shut, and her eyes went wide from the declarations.

She blinked, obviously stunned at his words, and she stared down at her hands murmuring, "I may not be your real mother...but I...I am...I..." She drew off, bringing a hand up to wipe at her cheek. Dick's widened when she looked up at him, and he saw the tears beginning to spill, running down her cheeks.

He raised his hands out to her. "Wait! I—I didn't mean it!"

(Y/N) looked down and she brought a hand up to her mouth, moving past him, letting out a broken, 'excuse me'. He watched her go past him, then a few moments later, Bruce walked into the room and he turned to him.

"Bruce!" Bruce looked down at him, taking in the sight of Dick, who was almost in tears.

The lecture he had ready for him went out the window as he squatted in front of Dick. "Dick?"

The boy looked up at him, tears filling those big blue eyes. "I—I messed up B-Bruce."

He reached out a hand, wiping his tears away. "What happened Dick?"

Dick lowered his head and he whispered, "I a—accidently told (Y/N) that she wasn't my m-mom."

Bruce sighed at him and murmured, “Oh, Dick." The boy began to sob, and Bruce reached out, pulling him into a hug. "It's okay, bud."

***

Dick looked at her and murmured, "I've never forgotten the look she gave me after I said it to her..." He looked down at Damian, and said, "And neither has she."

Jason nodded at that. "I'm sure she's never forgotten how I left the cave telling her I had to go find my real mom.

***

"What are you looking at baby?"

He jerked forward, clicking the screen to minimize the images. "Nothing!" He spun around to see her walking towards him, an amused smile on her face.

"And I'm assuming that nothing is not important?" She questioned.

He nodded. "Not at all."

She stared at him until he sighed and turned around, clicking the screen to reveal the images of the three women; she walked up to him. "Who are these women?"

He pointed to each one. "Sharmin Rosen, Lady Shiva, and Sheila Haywood."

(Y/N) nodded, looking at them. "They're very pretty women." She paused and looked at him. "But why are you looking at them." He dropped his gaze and picked at his fingers. "Jason? Hon?"

He looked back up at her. "One of them is my mom."

Her eyes widened as she said, "Like...your biological mom?"

He nodded. "I found out after I went back to my old apartment." He looked between the screen and (Y/N). "I'm gonna track them down." She was silent, her eyes moving to the screen, and he turned to her, rising from the chair. "I have to go find them...I have to go find my real mom."

***

"And those were the last words I ever said to Ma." They stared at Jason as he leaned against a table by the door. "And it got a lot worse when I came back...I said horrible things to Ma...about her not caring...about her not being a mother." He went silent and shook his head. "I fucked up a lot of things between us for a good couple years."

Tim watched him, then nodded. "I hadn't even realized I'd actually said it to mom...it was such an offhanded comment that I didn't even know what I said until she was gone."

***

He barely registered the sound of his bedroom door opening, let alone the sound of her footsteps as she walked up to him. He did, however, hear the disappointment in her tone as she said, "Timmy...you need to go to bed."

He shook his head, typing on the keyboard. "I'm fine."

"Honey, you've been awake for almost forty-eight hours." She rested a hand on his shoulder. "It's not good for your body if you stay up like this."

"I'm fine. Really, I'm good."

She squeezed his shoulder, the other hand reaching out to close the laptop. "You'll be good when you're asleep in bed." Skimming the top of this laptop, she stopped when his curled around her wrist.

He turned to her and said, "Will you stop mothering me? I'm fine. I don't need your help."

He let go of her and turned back to the screen, barely registering the way she quietly whispered, “Alright Timmy...goodnight”, and walked out of his room.

***

"The only reason I actually realized what I said was after a few minutes, I realized that she hadn't told me she loved me after saying good night." He paused, digging a groove into the carpet with his toes. "Mom didn't say anything about it the next day, but I could tell that something had shifted. She was more reserved when it came to me." He looked at Damian. "Look, I know you and I don't get along, but I'm going to tell you something brother to brother. Go apologize to mom and tell her that you didn't mean it."

It was all he said before he looked at the others and waved. "I'm going to bed.

Jason soon followed saying, "I'm with Timbers. I'm gonna go crash."

The two of them began making their way to their rooms when the sound of the screen door opening and closing brought their attention back. They looked towards it, seeing Bruce carrying (Y/N), her head pressed against his chest.

He stopped when he saw them, his surprised look giving way to a hard expression. "Were you four watching?" They all started making excuses, but he shushed them, nodding at their sleeping mother; they shut their mouths and he brought his foot back, sliding the door closed.

"Is mom alright?"

Bruce looked at Dick and nodded. "She's fine. Wine drunk...but fine." He looked down at Damian. "(Y/N) does a lot for all of us. You owe her an apology when she wakes up." Damian nodded, watching as he walked past them, carrying her up the stairs to their bedroom.

***

The dull throb in her head told her the migraine was something she was going to need some aspirin, water, and a heavy blanket to block out the light to fix. She groaned lightly as she burrowed her face in her pillow, then she opened her eyes and looked around the room.

Immediately, she took in the sight of the four of her boys curled up like cats in the bed with her. A smile graced her lips and she reached down beside her hip, running a hand over Tim's head; he shifted in his sleep, burying his face in her side and she struggled to bite back the laugh that wanted to come out. She reached over again and ran her hands through Dick and Jason's hair, watching them do the same.

She smiled at them, then a voice sounded from beside her. "Are you awake, Umi?" (Y/N) looked to her side, seeing Damian curled up beside her. Bruce's broad shoulders made him look so tiny from where he was laying and she nodded, raising a hand and caressing his head.

"I'm awake, sweetheart." He nodded, then moved under her arm, resting his head on her shoulder. Her arm settled comfortably around him, and she brought up her hand, gently running her fingers through his short hair.

After a few moments he whispered, "...I'm sorry, Umi."

Her response was to press her lips to his forehead, and murmur, "I know, baby."

He swallowed thickly, feeling the beginnings of tears gathering in his eyes. "I didn't mean to say it."

She nodded; her lips still pressed to his forehead. "I know you didn't, sweetheart. It was something said in anger."

He moved to sit up, looking up at her as he whispered harshly, "But I have hurt you! I made you cry! I...did this." He dropped his gaze, closing his eyes, and (Y/N) watched the tears begin to fall down his cheeks. He looked back up at her a few seconds later and said, "You are my mother, Umi...you are the only mother I've known."

(Y/N) shifted, careful not to wake her sons, then she cupped Damian's cheeks in her hands. "Baby...it's okay...I'm not angry at you."

He shook his head in her grip. "But you're sad because I said you weren't my mother."

(Y/N) brushed her thumbs under his eyes, wiping away the tears. "We all say things that we don't mean." He looked up at her and she searched his eyes. "What matters is that when they are said, we try our best to fix what we've done wrong."

Damian nodded his head and whispered, "I'm sorry, Umi."

A sad smile crossed her lips and she leaned forward, kissing his forehead. "I am too, baby." She pulled away and brushed his cheeks again. "I still love you though...with all my heart."

"You do? Even after what I said?"

(Y/N) nodded, pulling him to her; he rested his head under her chin, and she wrapped her arms around him as she murmured, "The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness." She brought up a hand, caressing the side of his head as she whispered, "Each of you has told me as some point that I am not what I am. But I know deep down that none of you meant it. And each time I heard it, it hurt...but forgiveness is a good thing when used."

"To err is human...to forgive...divine."

She smiled at his quote and squeezed him gently. "I love you, Damian...my beautiful baby boy."

The feeling of tears gathered in his eyes, but he blinked them away, his hand clenching in her shirt as he replied, "I love you too, Umi."

There was a moment of silence between them until, "How come the demon-spawn gets all the love? We were here first."

Damian raised his head, glaring at Tim. "I am Umi's favorite, Drake."

"The hell you are, Tater-tot. If anyone's the favorite, it's me."

"I think you're wrong, Little-wing. Iwas the first. I'm the favorite."

"No one asked you, dickhead."

"Mom! Jason called me a mean name!"

"Mom! Jason called me a mean name!"

"Stop mocking me!"

"Stop mocking me!"

"Mom!"

"Mom!"

(Y/N) rolled her eyes at her two oldest as they began to shove at each other, and eventually, Tim and Damian got into the mess, and she watched their fists and feet fly at each other.

A grunt sounded from beside her and she looked down to see her husband glaring at her. "You just had to get them going this early, didn't you, Mrs. Wayne?"

(Y/N) let out a 'pfft' and leaned down, pressing her lips to his before laying her head on his arm, their foreheads touching. "Yeah...but I know that when they're fighting like this, they're giving each other love."

"Tough love."

She snorted and tickled his side, feeling him jerk away. "But love nonetheless."

He opened his mouth to respond, but the sound of someone grunting cut him off. "Mom! Jason won't let me out of this headlock!"

"Mom! Jason won't let me-"

"STOP MOCKING ME, JASON!"

"You're unbearable, Drake! I am Umi's favorite!"

"Keep telling yourself that, oompa-loompa."

"I am not an oompa-loompa!"

(Y/N) sighed and looked at her husband. "Never a dull morning, is it Mr. Wayne?"

He grinned at her but grunted when one of them hit his side. "No, it's not Mrs. Wayne. No, it is not."

[minimoxha]

Batfam Valentines Day Special

 The batfamily takes Valentine’s Day very...very seriously.

Characters: Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wyane, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wyane, Y/n L/n(Batmom), Alfred Pennyworty

Warning(s): None

1,579 Words

Not edited.

(A/N I know Valentine’s Day passed but I got this idea after it so...deal with it.)

All throughout Wayne manor, everyone was preparing for the day known as Valentine’s Day. They were moving so fast it made it seem like they were competing. Probably because...they were. Why? Because today was Valentine’s Day and they all wanted to give you the best day but every one of them wanted to do different things. So when Jason first joined the family, it became a competition to see which one could give you the best time with them.

You woke up to the sweet smell of French toast, a smile Turing on your face. You knew what day it was, possibly one of your favorite days other than Christmas or your birthday of course. Damian was the first to come in your room, Laing down and cuddling with you. No matter how people saw him on the outside, he was a soft and cuddly bear on the inside. “Good morning Mother. You’ll spend time with me first, right? I am your favorite so it’s only natural I go first.” Damien Gloated, making you emit a small giggle. “Dami, I told you that it was dickies turn this year.” You said making the young boy groan in response and get ready to lift up but relaxed his body again once you started to run your hands through his hair. “Who’s cooking for me Dami?” Damien answered your question by counting to five on his fingers. Once he got to five, Jason came through the door holding a tray of food, Bruce with a card and flowers, dick holding cups and apppe juice, (Apple juice is better than orange.), and Tim holding coffee cups.

All four of the men walked into the room, Joining you and Damian on the bed, not before saying good morning to you. “Flowers? For me?” You teased, smelling the roses. “They were from me” Bruce admitted, a smirk crossing his face making Jason roll his eyes. “So who gets you first, ma?”  Jason asked. “Hm...Dickie.” You smiled at your oldest, making him mirror his expression and everyone else groan. It was sweet really, instead of spending time with their friends or significant other they wanted to give the day to you. All of you had busy schedules so these were one of the days they could spend a lot of fun time with their mommy. After everyone finished eating, dick gave you an outfit and waited outside your door for you to change. “So you know that musical you wanted to see? Well I Got tickets, the best seats!” He cheered. You squeezed from inside the room, quickly opening your door. “My outfit looks great on you.” He smiled. You were wearing High waisted black pants and a gray hoodie with no hood that was a little too big for you. 

Dick was right, they were amazing seats. The both of you were in Love with the musical and tried to keep yourselves from singing but failed, earn dirty looks from the people around you. (I didn’t make more because idk but if you want short tories on how the details went during everyones time with Y/n tell me))After you left the theater, the both of you got slushies and cinnamon rolls (Even though it was 11Am, your dentist is pissed rn) and then he returned you home and went to his brothers ti gloat and tell him how the defenitly won and had the best time with you. Next was Jason, right when you walked in he got you and took you back out. “What do you have planned fir me today, JayJay?” You asked following him after he grabbed a bag onto his motorcycle . “You can choose between a Monster Truck Rally and Paint balling Ma.” He said. “Paint-balling” Nodding, he drove off to a paint ball arena with you holding onto his back. He arrived at the place and signed in. The both of you were taken into the back where you got a run down and gear. “Dickies going to be pissed that his outfit is covered in paint.” You giggled, putting on your gear along with Jason and listening to the rules. You didn’t follow them though. The both of you DEMOLISHED every kid, adult, and teen, only getting a few paintballs on yourself. Then it came down to you and Jason. He stalked around you, trying to be be intimidating but failing with a smile. “Theres only room for one paintballer in this town” He said, faking a country accent.  

“Well then, It’ll have to be me!” You yelled, shooting three at him then ducking under a rock. He successfully dodged your attacks making the game go on for what felt like forever for the bystanders but just a couple minutes for you. It seemed like it was going to go on forever until Jason tripped on a rock and fell, giving you the chance to shoot him right in his butt. “Suck it, Jay!” You yelled, doing your victory dance in front of him. Jason smiled, he loved seeing you in this mood. With work, and watching from the batcomptr, you were either on edge or stressed out of your mind, And once you got competitive, you stayed competitive until you won. Constantly, challenging your family to games. “Ill beat you next Time, Ma’” Jason laughed, fist bumping you and standing up to sling his arm around your shoulder and walk to the changing rooms with you. (Not the same one) “Guess what we got the Replacement and Demon Spawn to do for ya.” “Hm I Don't know Jay, What.” 

“I got them to share your time and have a picnic with you.” You sighed then answered, “Jay, I’ll be surprised if there still is a picnic by the time we get there.” Jason laughed at your Joke, getting the both of you on his bike and driving to a beautiful forest. The sun was cutting through the trees who's leaves were falling off. There was an opening, where Damian had lanterns all around while the picnic blanket was in the middle of a flower bed. You got off of Jasons bike and saw through the trees, Damian and Tim arguing, on the verge of turning it into a full blown fist fight. Before things escalated, you stepped in and let Jason leave the three of you alone. “Boys, please don't fight today” With one last glare, they settled down. Damian opened the light brown basket and took your favorite dishes out. “We helped Alfred make all of your favorites, Mother. I hope you enjoy them” Tim opened the Saran Wrap. “Yeah Mom, I hope you like it.” Damian put a couple heart-shaped sandwiches on your plate and poured the drinks while Tim showed you this cool coding project he had been walking on. “So mother, isn’t this the best out of both of the trips they took you on?” Damian asked, smiling slightly after biting into a cupcake and clearly enjoying it.  “I had an Amazing Day with all of you, I won't pick favorites.” You smiled and ruffled both of the boys’ hair. They were amazing children no matter they're faults. The rest of the picnic was amazing, the both of you eating until you couldn’t eat anymore and Joking around. For the first time in a while, you saw a Huge smile on both of the boys’ face. After, Tim called Alfred and he picked the both of you and took you to get your hair done, nails done and a nice dress that they (surprisingly) agreed on. They showed up at the manor and rushed Batmom to the backyard where bruce was standing in a candlelit circle. Inside it , was a couple speakers and Bruce right in the middle. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a nice suit that matched your dress. He raised his hand out toward you and you excitedly took it.

“May I have this dance?” He smiled, pulling you into his chest. His cologne, being all that you could smell. “you may” The both of you danced like nobody was watching, because nobody was. It wasn’t like the dances you would have at formal events, where you had to dance like professionals. No, it was your own little dance party with only the two of you. You didn’t have to worry about people watching or taking pictures. After about 5 songs, the dancing stopped and Bruce slid a ring on your finger. It was a crown with the tips and middles having diamonds inside of them. “Bruce...this is beautiful” you smiled as you looked at it. Bruce snuck his hands around your waist and put his chin on top of your head. Him being the tall man that he was, he had no problems with hugging or cuddling with you while standing. “Let’s be honest My love, I gave you the best day , yes?” He smirked. Bruce was always very cocky but you found yourself more attracted to him after each word he uttered to you. “You’ll never know, Dear” You teased making him playfully sigh. “I’m the worlds greatest detective, I already know.”

“God, I love all of you so Much” Like every year, Each one of your boys always found a way to surprise you or just make your life better. They meant the world to you and if you could keep life like this you would. This was perfect. Absolute perfection

[artxyra]

Healing Gotham | Part 1

Prologue 

Tim was having an off day. At first he had thought it was due to him surviving off of weeks’ worth of caffeine, but that was not it—not it at all. When Tim had first arrived at Wayne Enterprise, all of its employees were having a rush. Paperwork was thrown around, gather, shredded within seconds of each other. The young co-CEO couldn’t find it in him to care enough until it was lunchtime. An older employee was going around collecting NDA’s from all the new employees—like that wasn’t an everyday experience. Tim had half the brain capacity to contact Bruce for information, and yet he doesn’t do it.

Then Tim returns to the manor, cars from his extended siblings, and family members parked within the gates. Once again, this was not an unusual sight for the coffee addict. Well, it wasn’t an unusual sight until he stepped into the manor.

On one of the couches sat Steph, Cass, and Damian all looking to the people on the other side of the room. Kate stands leaning against the window waiting for the shoe to drop. Tim didn’t know where to sit. He only had two options: sit beside the mess of his older brothers or sit where there was the least amount of space next to his other siblings.

Finally taking in his environment, he notices something scary. Jason and Dick weren’t in their usual moods aka brooding and dramatic but on the verge of a massive mental breakdown. Jason was clutching his hair staring down at his lap repeating the words, “She’s going to kill me” as if it was the end of the world. Dick was mimicking the words with “Not if she kills me first, I’m too young to die”. This was such a shock, that Tim had to take a long sip of coffee to make sure it was true, and even then he had to pinch himself as a reminder that he was awake.

“Master Tim, the amount of caffeine you are consuming is terrible. Perhaps taking a rest would help.” Alfred offers with little room to negotiate, but Tim swears he is fine to which the family butler did not believe. “Uh-huh…” Taking the thermos out of Tim’s hand, the young co-CEO is left with nothing.

“You’re seeing this too, right? Tim asks his siblings that weren’t in the Wayne family as long as the older two. Steph is simply recording the nature of their situation—probably blackmail material for her and Barbara. Cass simply examines her older siblings wondering what has gotten into their heads. She was sure that Bruce was internally panicking based on his fingers tapping against his suit jacket and constant inching to the couch. Looking beside her, it was obvious that Damian hates being out of the loop and was moments away from exploding. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to sit beside Damian for this family meeting.

“What has gotten you three so worked up?” Kate asks from the safety of her position. Watching the three break down may be fun and all, but she had a life to live also outside of her cousin’s BS.

“Master Bruce now would be the best time to explain our situation,” Alfred suggests coming back into the room with a tray of teacups and a pot of tea. The butler knows the family is going to need it after dropping a bomb like this to the newest Waynes.

As much as Alfred was right, Bruce knew he couldn’t keep this hidden. He can already tell that Damian was seconds away from stabbing Dick or Jason for being in such an off-putting mood. Tim would be forever confused until he gets a good rest, Cass may like having someone other then him to talk to, and Steph—well Steph will just be Steph.

Bruce was so deep in thought that he didn’t acknowledge the peak of Jason’s and Dick’s mental break down.

“She’s going to kill me…I would rather face the Joker than be on the receiving end of her anger.” Jason finally speaks something than the mantra he has been chanting for the past hour.

“Here’s how she’ll do it, kill Bruce, then me, and then you. Alfred’s safe because it’s Alfred.” Dick adds pointing to each person he has mentioned, furthering the family’s confusion.  Kate, on the other hand, received the message loud and clear and end up bursting into laughter.

“Good to know you find humor in our incoming deaths, Katie,” Dick says pouting with arms crossed against his chest.

“What is Kane laughing about, Father?” Damian asks with a dangerous intent beneath his words.

“In just a couple of days, the Manor Wayne is welcoming an old visitor…my sister… your aunt.” Bruce finally speaks with a heavy sigh. It was if he was preparing for the mental battle this family is about to go through.

“Sister?” “Aunt?” “What?” Various amounts of reactions echo across the room. Every one of his children that had no clue about the oldest Wayne’s sister was just given a wake-up call.

“Yes, I have a sister. She’s my younger sister, and she’ll be staying at the Manor until she finds herself her own place, and this is if she decides to move to Gotham permanently.” Bruce then adds.

“You mean she’s staying here?” Damian cries out, he already hates the fact that most his siblings typically stay in and out of the manor, but to have a new resident just screams trouble.

“Yes, which also means we all need to keep our nightly activities on the down-low. Marin Etta has no idea that I am Batman or that Dick and Jason were Robin, and I like to keep it that way. This means Jason, no bringing anything related to the Gotham Underground, Dick you do what you’ve always done. The rest you better be on your best behavior.”

“Well this is the best news; I haven’t seen Mars since the wedding and that was five years ago.” Kate pushes herself off the wall and goes to hug Bruce. “Call me when she arrives, it will be nice to have a girls’ trip or something.”

“Katie…” Bruce sighs but the look on his cousin’s face says otherwise and it was best to leave this alone. “I will.”

Once Kate was out of the room, Damian loudly growls. “I don’t like this.”

“For once I agree with the Demon Spawn,” Tim says, though in Tim’s mind he wasn’t sure what was happening. His brain acknowledges Kate leaving but the moments before seem like a dazed.

“Tim, you okay?” Steph asks as the person in question sway. “Better yet when was the last time you slept?” She receives no answer from the in and out of the conscious male.

“Why are we just now hearing about this so-called sister.” Damian questions as if he was the only person sane in the household—which he’s not. It’s not like he’s trying to gain as much information about this aunt of his so that he could look her up and do a background check. That is totally what he will be doing.

Bruce, seeming to ignore Damian’s underlying intent, sighs and reply with, “She and I had a fall out when Jason died, and we barely speak. This is the first time in a while that she’ll be back.”

“Sounds like a you problem.” Cass murmurs under her breath evading all the glances her way. It’ll be nice to have seen someone other than her adopted family, but at the same time just how will this new person fit into their family.

“Better yet why do Grayson and Todd know about her while the rest of us don’t?” Damian asks gesturing to his other siblings. “You have no photos of the woman, so why must I believe that you have a sister.” From this Bruce could feel a migraine coming in the longer this goes on.

“Look, Little D, Mari is like a sister or a mother figure to Jason and I. There are reasons outside of this room as to why she is so well hidden. You know that room that Bruce forbids anyone from going into?” Dick replies instead of Bruce. Both he and Jason need to wrap up this conversation to prep for their incoming deaths by Mari. He was definitely sure that Bruce was about to do the same and Mari-proof the manor’s access to the Batcave.

“Na’am,” Damian says begrudgingly.

“That’s Mari’s room and will forever be her wing until she no longer needs it.” Dick finishes off his statement, which clearly did not do anything for the youngest Wayne. He then turns to Jason who was in less of a panic but in more of a defensive planning stage. “C’mon Jaybird, we have lots of pre-death planning before Sunshine returns to the Gotham.”

“Once again, I rather die by the Joker than by her, B-man you owe us so much for this,” Jason states before walking out the living room with Dick following behind.

Bruce sighs heavily and returns to his remaining children, well those that are still awake. Tim had passed out and will most likely be for the time being.

“Father…”

“Not now Damian. I will answer the rest of your questions later. I have a sister-proofing mission to handle.” With that Bruce takes his leave.

“This family can never be normal could it?” Steph wonders as she picks up Tim and places him over her shoulder.

“I agree with you on that. Need a hand?” Cass responds looking at the failing form of Steph’s body as she lugs Tim over to the entranceway.

“Nope, I’m fine,” Steph replies before she and Tim disappear into the shadows of the manor.

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Damian states crossing his arms and taking his leave also.

Cass stares at the leaving figure of her younger brother and shakes her head. She knows that Damian would not leave this alone until he hits rock bottom. Let that be her mysterious aunt herself or Bruce making his word-final.

A couple days later at the Gotham City Airport, a woman with a concave bob hairstyle stands outside the pickup area with her three suitcases next to her. Bing. She looks down to see the name Alfred popping up against the screen.

“Yes Alfred, I’m here… I’m still at the airport. No, you don’t need to give me a—” She pauses allowing the Wayne family butler to reply. “Alright, I’ll see you in a few.”  With that, she ends the conversation and places the phone in her back pocket.

This person is nonother than Marin Etta Martha Wayne or as the people in Paris, France calls her Marinette Martha Dupain-Cheng Couffaine.

Part 2 >>

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[jinmukangwrites]

i'm not a big fan of DC, but I have a general knowledge of it. Perhaps something to do with some some family bonding with the bat family? it doesn't have to be fluffy, but it would be nice to see that something nice is happening to this found family of people, even if it's small. good luck and may you have success and fortune in your future!

So this ended up not being a drabble. Oops. Listen, I've been wanting to write a camping-esque fic for a long time and somehow this just ended up being it. >.<

-o-o-o-o-

It is Dick's first camping trip.

He's young, bright eyed, and smiling like there's nothing to be down about even though Bruce knows they're both painfully aware it's only been a month since his world quite literally fell apart.

Bruce doesn't really know what he's doing, having not gone camping himself in what must be over a decade, but he still successfully sets up a decent tent large enough for four sleeping bags, but has more than enough room for two. Alfred is on a well deserved vacation, so there's no need to make room for a third one. It's just Bruce Wayne and his new ward Dick Grayson, alone in the wilderness with a bag of marshmallows open between the two of them and a campfire crackling in front of them. It's Dick that shows him how to roast the perfect "mallow", and that apparently involves shoving the entire marshmallow into the center of the flame and laughing maniacally until it blackens and chars. Bruce almost has a panic attack just watching Dick bring the flaming marshmallow out to his face to blow out the fire.

Bruce remembers the times he's watched people roast marshmallows in movies, and he decides holding it just above the worst of the flames until it's a golden brown is the way for him.

There's owls hooting softly around them when the moon reaches high enough to suggest maybe calling it a night. Another tell-tale sign is Dick ever so slowly leaning against his side, all bundled up in a warm oversized jacket; marshmallow, chocolate, and graham cracker residue dried to his lips and cheeks.

Bruce stares at watches for a moment, before smiling, something he thought he lost when he watched his parents die clinking back into place in his chest. Filling him with a warmth he never thought he'd ever have again.

He scoops Dick up and bundles him into his sleeping bag. Dick is out like a light, mouth open in soft snores, and Bruce frowns, a desire in him that he doesn't understand.

He pokes Dick's shoulder gently, making sure the child is asleep, and Bruce sucks in a lungful of air. Unsure and afraid. He runs his fingers through Dick's hair, lifting up his messy bangs, and slowly bends down and presses his lips against the child's forehead. He then backs quickly away, his heart pounding.

Dick was never supposed to be his son, but pretty early on Bruce discovered how much of a lie that was.

-o-o-o-o-

It's Jason's first time camping. His second time in the mountains as well.

Dick took him skiing for his first time, but Bruce at least gets to take him for his first night out in the fresh wilderness of the Appalachian mountains. Just the two of them this time, being as Dick is still angry with him. And while that hurts, Bruce is content with spending some much needed one on one time with his newest adopted son. (Because he knows now he made a mistake keeping Dick away at arms length with the word "ward", and now it's too late to take it back. He won't make the same mistake with this one).

Jason seems more concerned with running around and climbing trees than eating marshmallows. Surprisingly, more concerned than Dick was. Though that doesn't mean he still doesn't enjoy a marshmallow here and there, especially since a new kind has come out recently that makes the marshmallows even bigger and puffier when roasted over the fire. Good for nothing but sugar. Not that Bruce minds. He can't remember the last time Jason looked so relaxed as he stands and watches Jason marvel at a waterfall they've hiked to. If it earns that kind of wide eyed unashamed smile, Bruce would gladly invest in the company making even bigger marshmallows.

Bruce finds quickly that Jason also thinks Bruce makes marshmallows wrong. He knows this because as stuck the sugary monstrosity on his roasting stick and gently held it above the fire, Jason cried out in outrage.

"You're making it wrong!" He yelled as he grabbed Bruce's arm and dragged it away from the fire. Bruce is almost afraid that he'll demonstrate how to make a proper smore by shoving the whole thing into the middle of the fire to blacken it like Dick does. He doesn't want to know what kind of mess a marshmallow this size would make on fire, but the Jason shocks him by rushing into the tent and stumbling out a moment later with a colorful bag in his hands.

Starbursts?

"Where did you get those?" Bruce asks, trying not to sound amused that Jason snuck candy with him out on the trip.

Jason snorts, opening the bag and pulling out a pink square. "I asked Alfie to get me some, because I knew you'd be uncultured in making a freaking smore."

Jason then impales the unwrapped pink starburst on the roasting stick next to Bruce's waiting marshmallow. He unwraps a yellow one and puts it on his own stick. "The red ones are gross, by the way," Jason says, sticking his stick above the fire. Bruce huffs out a small laugh and puts his stick over the fire as well.

He's not sure what he feels about the taste of roasted starburst mixing with the marshmallow, chocolate, and cracker, but Jason eats enough to gain a stomach ache.

Bruce carries him to bed too, and tucks him in, and instead of waiting for him to fall asleep, Bruce carefully pulls Jason closer to his chest, and because his arms are full of legs and arms, he kisses Jason's forehead with a layer of hair between them.

Jason doesn't pull away. Just yawns happily, and falls asleep in Bruce's arms.

Bruce decides that camping trips for Jason is definitely a thing he needs to make a regular thing. Just to see his boy look so peaceful and happy in his arms.

-o-o-o-o-

It's not Tim's first time camping. But Bruce suspects it's the first time Tim actually has fun camping, as well as his first time making smores.

Dick's here this time too, the relationship between him and Bruce held together by paperclips and string. Which is saying something, as it used to be held together by nothing at all. Bruce is just happy that he's here and that they're civil enough with each other to let Tim be a disgusting, dirty, rowdy child in the mountains for the first time in his entire life.

Tim stood at the edge of the river, but ended up being shoved in by Dick, and they both came back sopping wet and laughing.

Tim picked at the bark of a large tree, but ended up in its highest branches when Bruce lifted him over his shoulders to give him a headstart.

Tim frowned at the marshmallow bag and sticks, but ended up with a mess all over his face, pupils wide in the firelight as the sugar gave him a rush.

Bruce roastes his above the flame and Dick tries to convince Tim that sticking the entire thing into the fire is the only right way to roast a good marshmallow. When Tim looks unsure and tries both with uncertainty, Bruce takes a chance and pulls out a bag of starbursts he almost decided to leave behind.

And once Tim tries the roasted starburst s'more, the rest of the s'more actually goes forgotten as Tim decides roasted starbursts is best left left alone—he snacks on almost the entirety of the bag, and Bruce tries his best to not let the stabbing in his heart ruin the moment. He wonders how well Jason and Tim would get along if Jason... But he shakes his head, choosing instead to point out the glowing little light in the forest that isn't the stars.

It's not Tim's first time seeing fireflies. But it's his first time running through the trees with a jar, holes poked into the top to capture them.

When it gets so late that even Bruce is beginning to yawn, he corrals his oldest and unofficial youngest into the tent and frowns at how even though the packaging said it's big enough for four people, it's still quite squeezed together with two grown men and a lanky young teen.

Bruce ruffles Tim's hair, squeezed Dick's shoulder, and for once Dick doesn't flinch at his touch. Just smiles and kisses Tim's forehead. Bruce is almost tempted to copy the action, the night feeling wrong without it, but Tim has parents.

Tim isn't his son. Isn't even his ward. He hugs Tim, and finds himself hugging him tightly, only letting go when Tim voices slight confusion.

They lay down in their spots, the silence of the world being interrupted once as Tim verbally complains about Dick's feet finding themselves under his legs.

"But you're so warm, baby bird!"

The sound of Tim's laughter is something Bruce wishes he had been quick enough to record, so he could listen to it over and over and over again.

Tim's not Bruce's ward. Or son.

But it's so easy to selfishly wish he were.

-o-o-o-o-

It's not Cass's first time camping. But it's her first time camping for something other than survival. Which means it's definitely her first time making s'mores.

Taking her out to the woods is nerve-wracking in a way that it shouldn't be. She's his daughter. Officially. Legally. Not by blood. Bruce doesn't have anyone who's by blood. But she's definitely the closest thing to it in his heart. She's different from the boys. He doesn't know what to expect from her.

She doesn't go out and get all gross and muddy in the river with Tim, and she doesn't take up Dick's bet to climb to the top of the waterfall. Instead, Bruce finds her sitting nearby with a notebook in her hands, her hand scribbling away at something with a pen. She looks up at him and smiles, but closes the notebook and sets it off to the side, patting the ground next to her. He takes her up on her invitation and sits down besides her, their shoulders gently touching. He glances at the notebook, raising an inquisitive eyebrow, but she just smiles and shakes her head. He doesn't pry. She didn't grow up with a whole lot of privacy, and Bruce isn't about to take some away from her.

She sighs and leans back into the soft grass patch she found, and he lays back too, shoulders still touching. They're silent for a long time, the only noises around them being the leaves rustling and the distant sounds of Tim and Dick trying to figure out how to lash a rope around a tree near the river so they could swing into it.

Bruce finds himself, not for the first time, missing Jason more than ever. Jason is alive. He's back. But he hates Bruce and wants nothing to do with Bruce. Jason would be all over getting that rope swing to work. Bruce can practically imagine his young voice screaming in excitement as he launches himself into the water.

He forces those thoughts away, because this isn't about Jason right now. This is about the beautiful, perfect young lady laying besides him. His daughter. He looks over at her, and her eyes are closed and her lips turned up in a slight smile. Her bare toes wiggling in the breeze.

And Bruce thinks that maybe it's a good thing Cass isn't out and about causing trouble and getting dirty, because maybe to her that's not what this trip is about. Maybe it's just about showing her that she can sit back, close her eyes, and wiggle her toes in the breeze and be safe without having to feel obligated to do anything.

Because she is safe. And Bruce will never let anything hurt her.

When they roast marshmallows, she watched with amusement as Dick interrupts Bruce showing her the normal way to do it by shoving his own into the flames. She watches as Tim shows her how to carefully make a roasted starburst that isn't too stuff nor too drippy. She watches as Bruce suggests making a s'more with a starburst. And she tries them all, a frown on her lips the entire time. When no strategy seems to stick out to her, Bruce almost panics, not sure how to make the night fun and full of sugar like he wants to, but then she pops a raw marshmallow into her mouth with a curious tilt to her head, and then a chunk of raw chocolate, and then a bite of plain cracker.

She then quickly gains her own stash of untouched s'more supplies and her roasting stick goes forgotten. Bruce doesn't know what's so much better about eating the ingredients raw, but the sound of her muffled laughter behind a mouthful of marshmallow and chocolate as Dick struggles to blow out a flaming one is definitely something Bruce will not complain about or try to change.

Going to bed is a hassle. He brought two tents this time, just in case Cass wanted to sleep alone, and at first he thinks that is actually what will happen. He hugs her before they go their seperate ways, the urge to kiss her round cheeks stronger than ever, but he doesn't get the chance. Or the courage.

But he finds he didn't need to worry, because when he, Tim, and Dick are all snug in their bags, the zipper of their tent goes down and Bruce has the air knocked out of him as Cass collapses on top of him, wrapped up in a fluffy pink blanket that she bought with Barbara. Bruce finds himself grinning as he shifts to make room for her between him and the snoring Dick, careful to not nudge the half asleep Tim too much whose under his arm on the other side.

Then, when Cass is nestled in his side, she does another thing that pleasantly surprised him. She presses her lips to his temple.

And Bruce falls asleep that night not knowing what he's done to deserve Cassandra Wayne.

-o-o-o-o-

It's not Damian's first time camping. It's not his first time making s'mores. It's not even his first time having fun while camping.

Bruce was thought to be dead for almost a year, and Dick was the one who got the honor of doing those first things with Damian.

But dammit, Bruce was going to try and do this with Damian anyway, even if Damian is quiet and unsure and distrustful with Bruce.

So maybe that's why Bruce thought it was so important for it to be just him and Damian this time. Maybe this is why he didn't ask Dick how Damian liked to roast his marshmallows, or ask Alfred if he needed to bring an emergency bag of starbursts, or even considered bringing a second tent just in case Damian wanted to sleep alone.

Bruce is Damian's father. His biological one. But he doesn't feel like it.

He wants to feel like it.

He woke Damian up at the spur of the moment and coaxed the boy into the car stuffed with a weakened supply of things to get them through a surprise camping trip. Damian was too groggy in the morning to ask much questions, blinking fully awake an hour into the drive and asking with a quiet voice where they were going.

And when Bruce answered they were going to camp, Damian didn't respond with joy or excitement. Just a quiet oh that almost made Bruce pull over the car and beg Damian to let Bruce in and let him see what he's thinking.

He keeps driving, all the way until he's at the normal spot by the river and a trailhead that leads to a waterfall. Damian walks the grounds quietly as Bruce sets up the tent, his footsteps sure and curiosity lacking. He's been here before. To Bruce's perfect camping spot.

And Bruce wasn't there.

The rest of the day goes about as well as could be expected. Damian hardly says anything to Bruce, the words he does say are tense and tight, like the very thought of saying any unnecessary words to Bruce is painful. Bruce tries not to take it to heart, so he continues onward. He takes Damian hiking, he takes him to the river, and eventually they both end up at the campfire in uncomfortable silence.

Bruce watches as Damian puts the marshmallow on his stick and holds it slightly above the flames, waiting patiently for the flames to lick the white sugar golden.

Bruce sighs and risks a joke. "Finally, a son that makes s'mores normally."

He didn't expect Damian to stand up with anger in his eyes before tossing the stick down and running off into the forest. The marshmallow left forgotten as it bursts into flames in the coals.

Bruce only hesitates a second before standing up and running after his son.

Because even if he's terrified Damian wants nothing to do with him, Bruce still wants to make sure he doesn't get himself hurt in the woods.

He eventually finds Damian sitting in Cass's spot. That perfect patch of grass that's perfect for laying down in and cloud gazing. Or, this late at night, perfect for milky-way gazing.

Damian isn't looking up at the stars though. He's curled up and glaring at his feet, something suspiciously wet trailing down his cheeks.

Bruce takes in a breath, hoping bravery would enter his lungs as well, and sits down next to his son.

They're silent next to each other, for a long time, until Damian finally decides to speak up.

"You came," he says, and Bruce wants desperately to launch himself forward and wrap the boy I'm a strong embrace. "You followed me."

"I will always find you," Bruce says, and Damian sniffs.

"If... If I wasn't your kid... Would you still..."

And Bruce remembers that Damian grew up being told he was simply a tool. That he had a purpose and he was only wanted because of that purpose.

He's asking Bruce if Bruce would have still wanted him, even if their blood wasn't the same. If Bruce had no obligation to take him in and give him safety and allow him to be the second half of the dynamic duo.

Or if he would have turned the boy away.

It breaks Bruce's heart.

So he slowly reaches around Damian and pulls him closer tightly. Damian sniffles and practically launches himself into Bruce's lap, arms curling around so small that it's not a complete hug, but it's tight enough to be one of the best kinds of hugs.

"I will always want you, Damian," Bruce whispers into his hair, pressing his lips onto his forehead before he can even consider the action. "You have no need to worry. I want you more than anything in this entire world."

And they sit there, holding each other, and Bruce wonders if this is what his own parents felt for him.

And if they'd be proud of him.

Bruce carries Damian to bed after they've both let out their emotions, and even though tent is large enough to have space, he keeps Damian with him, in his arms even as he climbs into his sleeping bag.

And he's never letting go.

-o-o-o-o-

It's nowhere near Duke's first time camping, or making s'mores, or having fun, or feeling safe. But it is his first time camping with Bruce and the rest of the family.

Dick, Tim, Cass, Damian, and even Jason are all here, and Bruce won't lie and say he didn't find it amusing how intimidated Duke needlessly felt to be on a family camping trip with everyone.

It's the loudest trip Bruce had ever been apart of. The children are back to figuring out that pesky rope swing—Tim snuck a grapple hook and had the decency to look a little ashamed when Bruce noticed it—and Cass is at her normal spot with her normal notebook. Duke looks unsure and nervous, not really knowing where he fits in with all of this.

Bruce adopted most of his children when they were all young, Cass being the exception but it wasn't like she had a good experience with her last parents, so it was almost like adopting her young. But Duke is different, he's a teenager, considering college and everything. He already knows how to drive a car. He'd already had loving parents. Bruce doesn't want to step in front of that, but he still wants Duke to feel welcome and loved.

One of Bruce's favorite things in the entire world is to watch Duke slowly exit his shell that he crawls into whenever he's nervous or feeling like he's imposing. The smirk on his face that appears when Dick calls him a genius for finally being the one to figure out the rope swing. The bubbling and nervous laughter when Jason slams a hand proudly at his back when he beats the rest of the family up the waterfall in their annual race. The excited chatter when Tim shows him the best climbing tree. The relaxed posture when Cass shows him something in her notebook, and the happy smile when Cass takes his feedback in consideration. The mischievous glint in his eyes when he and Damian get into a competitive spar with pool noodles.

Bruce finds his chest so full with warmth he almost thinks it's going to burst as eventually they all end up around the campfire with roasting sticks in everyone's hands except for Cass who has her own stash of s'more supplies. Jason and Tim fight over the bag of starbursts even though Bruce was sure he brought two. Dick laughs as Damian yells angrily about his flaming marshmallow catching Damian's on fire. Cass munches on a cracker and leans into Bruce's side. Duke sits besides them all, tongue sticking outside his mouth as he concentrates on making a marshmallow that isn't golden, but isn't completely raw.

No one bugs him on his strange "I don't want it burned at all!" comment, and they all include him in their jokes and bantering. The laughter becomes do loud that Bruce is sure the entire forest can hear them.

He relishes in it. Almost feeling like he might cry.

But he doesn't. The moon rises and be ushers the kids all towards that four person tent. It's too tiny, but nobody seems to care. Not even Jason who's only made one comment about Bruce being a billionaire who's definitely rich enough to afford a bigger tent.

Because, somehow, with or without Bruce, the family had ended up close and wanting to be close together. Dick doesn't complain as Cass lays herself on top of him. Tim only snarls a little when Jason jokingly stuffs his feet in the younger boys face. Damian crawls into Bruce's side like it's the most natural thing in the world. And Duke accepts the strong hug Bruce risks and gives him. Duke then lays down with his back against Bruce's free side and his legs on top of Jason, like a puzzle piece falling into place.

And the family all fall asleep to the sounds of nature surrounding them, and the soft snores of the people they all hold dear.

And Bruce thinks that taking in a kid who's just watched his family fall from the trapeze, a kid who tried to jack the batmobile, a kid who showed up with a camera in his hands and a demand to make him Robin, a kid who decided love and happiness was more important than the way she was taught and raised, a kid who decided he didn't want to be the weapon he was born to be, and a kid who only wanted to do good after his parents were torn away from him was without question the best thing Bruce had ever done.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

[fallenrepublick]

Hi ! It's me again ! I can't believe I haven't asked this question until now as a piano player but today I've corrected my mistake.

So what instrument would Thrawn, Thrass, Maul, Vader, Tarkin, Krennic and Obi-Wan like to play the most ? And would they be good at it ?

And also what musical genre would they prefer ? Ofc soundtracks count as well.

And thx for taking your time to answer my dumb questions ! Always love your work !

Ah yes, the music question! Time to ignore my violin bias and do this well (but it might show up once or twice. We’ll see heheh)

So my base headcanon for Thrawn is that he can’t play music for the life of him. He’s already good at everything, he needs a few more inabilities in his life, don’t you agree? But if he were to learn to play something, it would be the cello. It isn’t too high in terms of range, but it’s elegant and certainly attention grabbing.

For genres, I think he would likely enjoy anything of value to the place it originates. Music is an art form after all, and most times the music people make are directly tied to the stories they want to tell and give just as much insight into the culture as a whole. He may not be much of a musician, but if he can listen to a song and glean details about the people and who they are, it’s good enough for him.

On the flip side, Thrass is definitely the musician. He’s the one with the notes and the keys running through his head all the time, the compositions working in his thoughts as he zones out. So naturally, with his huge collection of instruments in his house, he can play... pretty much anything. But he favours the piano or harpsichord, as the former is usually quite soft and designed to be sung-along to, and the latter has a nice energy. He likes the guitar just as much. But he hesitates to use it often, as it creates callouses on his finger pads that he’s self-conscious about.

His favourite type of music is anything along the vein of acoustics. Loud songs just aren’t his thing, so rock, metal, and a good bit of pop is a no-go. But the quieter songs, including instrumentals and most things classical, are perfect for him.

Maul can play the guitar, but he’ll refuse to pick it up if it isn’t electric. He will have his speakers set to ungodly volumes when he’s home alone, and he’s forgotten before to turn it down when others were around. They were scared half to death by a single note. He can also play the electric bass and the drums but doesn’t play those as often.

His favourite genres are about what you’d expect... pretty much the opposite of Thrass’s tastes. Metal, rock, anything fast. However... his guilty pleasure that no one in the universe is allowed to know about is the music he listens to when he’s working. Lo-Fi.

So Vader’s options here are extremely limited for obvious reasons, but he found enjoyment in the drums. Most of the time he doesn’t have a song in mind while he’s playing, so it’s mainly just him dicking around until he has to leave and do actual work. But it’s a great outlet for him when there’s nothing better to be doing, and there’s nothing more satisfying than hitting a flat surface really hard and creating a good rhythm.

He doesn’t really like listening to music all that much, but sometimes, he’ll have some of those Gaming Soundtracks playing through the little speakers in his helmet when he goes off to decimate a band of rebels, because it makes him feel epic.

Tarkin definitely plays something old and low-key useless like the glass harmonica or whatever. He probably should have learned something more mainstream just for the sake of playing something reasonable. He knows this. He still refuses to do it.

His music tastes are solely based around extremely arrogant sounding operas. Does he actually like them? Who knows. It’s possible he only listens to it to seem refined.

Krennic seems like the sort of person who played the clarinet in middle school and dropped out when he wasn’t chosen as section leader a year in. But he keeps claiming that he can actually play it, because it makes him sound talented.

He’ll listen to the Top 50 hits sometimes, because he genuinely likes whatever ends up on there and truly trusts that those are accurately rated. He adamantly denies it whenever someone suggests that producers are the ones that pay for certain songs to end up on the list, saying that it’s ridiculous to believe such “conspiracy theories.” Although... he mostly just uses his spotify to listen to Ted Talks about believing in yourself.

Somehow, Obi-Wan gives off the energy of someone who plays the flute and/or piccolo. It’s portable and fun to play, and a lot of music designed for other instruments can be used instead of having to transpose it. He likes the flexibility regarding it, and yes, he takes requests. He’s pretty good if you have nothing else to compare it to...

This man listens to the oldest songs. We’re talking 70s, 60s hits. Beatles, Frankie Valli, Bee Gees, that kind of thing. He may look young, but his taste in music is straight up boomer, and you can blame that one on Qui-Gon.

[harcourtholmesii]

In This Here, Beautiful World... (Part 1)

Fandoms: Team Fortress 2

Pairings: Medic X Heavy / Scout X Miss Pauling / Scout’s Ma X Spy / Soldier X Zhanna / Engineer X Original Character / Saxton Hale X Maggie

Warnings: - Swearing - Physical Abuse and Violence - Verbal Abuse - Minor Gore - Implied Death

Words: 1913

Summary: When the world goes to shit, in order to survive, you need to be ruthless, and you need to be prepared to do whatever it takes. When nine strangers and their families come together to fight back the zombie plague, tensions will rise between them all, threatening to pull them apart and kill them from the inside-out. It’s a shitty summary, I know. ^^

Enjoy!

‘Hey! Yo! I got a delivery here for a Mister Brookes!’

 Jeremy hammered his fist against the door, louder than the first time. He had been standing out here for a good twenty minutes, waiting for this douchebag to open the door. The boss would kill him if he returned with cold pizza or if he got a call from the tenant saying he never received the order.

 Jeremy shifted from foot to foot, his sneakers squeaking lightly against the cracked linoleum floor. He couldn’t just wait here forever! He was already running behind schedule and he needed the money!

 He pounded his fist against the door again; a neighbour poked her careworn face out her door to peer at the disturbance.

 ‘D-Do you mind keeping it down, young man?’

 ‘I wouldn’t have to be loud if this guy would just open the door!’ He continued to pound his fist, hearing how the hinges whined under his abuse.

 The old lady shut her door when it became obvious he wouldn’t stop. For a moment, the thought came to Jeremy’s mind that she might be calling the cops. He wouldn’t stay here anymore if that was the case, and he sure as shit wasn’t leaving a perfectly good pizza on this ungrateful dick’s doorstep.

 He stomped down the hall, passing by the old lady’s door. He could hear her speaking to someone on the inside, but he didn’t stop to wait for the sound of sirens. It wasn’t like he was trying to disturb the peace; he just wanted some fucking tips!

 He leapt onto the railing of the stairwell, letting his weight skirt him down the metal of the banister. He whipped down one flight, and then another, until his feet planted themselves firmly on the first floor. He pushed the glass doors out of his way, the frame cracking loudly against the brick of the building.

 He trotted down the stairs, looking about left and right for some dumpster. Instead, the sight of an older man pushing a small trolley of garbage bags and raggedy clothes caught his eye. Jeremy felt the anger lessen, if only a little. He hated seeing people roaming the streets like this, without a home or place to go to. Filthy rich dickheads and politicians wouldn’t spare a single coin to them and it made him sick.

 He approached and simply cleared his throat to get the scraggly man’s attention. He couldn’t see his eyes beneath the unwashed hair, but as he offered the pizza pie to him, those hands shook excitedly, reaching out and taking it with hesitance. Those tanned hands opened up the box, the smell of melted cheese and cooked meat wafting into the air.

 ‘T-Thank you…’ Jeremy just nodded, offering him a lazy wave of ‘don’t worry about it’. He took off at full sprint down the street, leaving behind the apartment and the man in his dust. He had to be quick back to the restaurant, so his manager wouldn’t get pissy.

 He ran at great speed down the bustling city streets, dodging about those that got in his path. Families, businessmen and construction workers had little time to part ways for him. He compensated for their lack of awareness by leaping over the guard railings, jumping the hoods of stationary traffic and racing through the wavering legs of scaffolding. He got the odd call from some of the workers, but it had become a common enough practice, Jeremy was almost ignored by bystanders.

 The wind whipped his hair and face, threatening to throw the delivery cap off his head. Finally, he rounded a corner and into the shop, in time to see his boss glowering from across the counter.

 ‘You’re late.’

 ‘Yeah.’ He muttered, replacing the empty pack onto the shelf. He threw himself into compiling the list of orders and strangling his waist with a rubber apron. ‘I know. I know. Guy wasn’t home or was ignorin’ me. I tried!’

 ‘So what happened to the order?’

 He hated the shakedown. This was not the first time that Jeremy had arrived back to the store, hands empty of payment.

 ‘I just left it on the doorstep.’

 ‘Are you kidding me, Jeremy?’ The boy rolled his eyes, roughly taking the pizza cutter and beginning his work on dividing the pie apart. A fly buzzed in his ear, which he swatted away in disgust. ‘You know to wait for the customer to open the door!’

 ‘I woulda been there the whole fuckin’ afternoon!’ He barked back, cutting into the pizza harder than he meant to. The box splintered beneath the pressure and the blade near sliced his fingers. He slammed the lid down, and started upon the next one.

 ‘Did you call them?’

 ‘The phone’s been broke’ for a while now! I can’t call them with that garbage!’ He was lucky that this place had been so lax with language. He and the manager often shared bouts of abuse, but it made it easier to adapt. Instead of shutting his lips, he could hurl curses back at the useless prick behind the counter. He knew it tested the man’s patience, and certainly didn’t encourage the man to keep him around, but he put in the effort. And the man couldn’t deny that he was the best delivery boy he had, not to mention the only one.

 ‘You keep this shit up, Jeremy, and you’ll be outta here faster than your mother can pump out another brat!’

 Oh, now that was too far!

 Jeremy could take this shit when it was aimed at him, but at his family, at his ma specifically, he wouldn’t stand for it. He didn’t even want to work at this shitty pizza place anyway!

 He threw off the smock, tossing the prepared pizzas across the steel table and at his ex-manager. He leapt over it, and with hands clenched, hit him once across the nose. There was the spatter of blood and the satisfying crack of cartilage, as the man was sent reeling back and into the tubs of sauce.

 Barbecue, crème fraiche and tomato sauce went flying all about, coating the man head to toe in the expired spreads. Jeremy tore his shirt as he ripped his nametag off and tossed it into the dickhead’s shocked face. Guess he hadn’t been expecting someone like Jeremy to fight back.

 Jeremy may have been scrawnier than his brothers, but he was fast, and more than a little anger fuelled his strength. He leaned down on the tile, gripping the man’s collar tight and lifting up the mess just enough that they nearly met nose-to-nose.

 ‘Don’t you ever talk about my ma again! You even look in her direction, even get one whiff of her perfume, and you’ll lose those nuts of yours, you got that?!’ He dropped the shaking mess of a manager back into the sea of red, white and brown.

 Then Jeremy stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him.

 He didn’t run off like he had done to get to the restaurant. He took his time, instead, to simmer down. He didn’t want his ma to see him like this. He knew she’d be disappointed that he lost another job, and he couldn’t just tell her what that dickhead had said. He just hoped she would forgive him for being so brash.

 He passed by a number of stores, all at various points of shutting down for the afternoon or for good. Graffiti created a continuous line for him to follow along; signatures, doodles and even grand pieces of street art provided a guide as to his location, wherever he was in the city. An electronics store was still playing the local news as he passed it by, detailing some local flu hotspots, and an old music shop had been packed up into several wooden boxes.

 The townhouse he lived in with his ma was at the end of a long street, between two apartment buildings that crammed it tightly between them. It appeared as if squashed by the neighbouring buildings; three storeys tall, with a pair of windows to each floor. It was an icky cream colour, with a small rooftop garden that had two lines of wet clothes waving about in the breeze.

 Jeremy plucked a key from beneath the mat and entered inside. The lights were on, and he could hear in the room to his left their old, junk box playing some fitness program. He sighed, feeling his shoulders sag as he attempted to release his fuming breath and calm himself before he met his ma.

 She spoke first when he entered the living room.

 ‘You’re home early.’

 She pulled herself back up from a stretch, turning to offer him the warmest smile he ever did see. He stuttered with apologies, attempting to tell her what happened without mentioning what that asshole had said. She just fluttered her hand, as if shooing away his discomfort and his excuses, rounding the old couch and bringing him into a hug.

 He relaxed immediately, returning the affection with a tight squeeze.

 ‘I’m sorry.’

 ‘Don’t be. You can always find another job; one much more suitable for the fine, young man you are.’ She said. His ma always knew exactly what to say. ‘I couldn’t be more proud of my boy. You held out for six months, Jeremy. You blew your last record right out of the water!’

 He huffed a breath of laughter, the only sound he could manage with all this praise. He knew, through the smile and the gentle words, that his ma was a little bit upset. He needed a job; just so he could support her as his brothers did, if not just himself. Her work as a pre-school teacher had been able to keep them all above water, but the old townhouse was falling apart without the necessary care.

 His two eldest brothers, Mark and Kieran, had left about a year ago; both of them attempting to pursue some apprenticeships in engineering and hospitality. The third oldest, his brother Blake, had been talking with their ma recently about moving in with his girlfriend out of state.

 Lucas, Julien and Oliver had stayed in school, but hadn’t gotten the grades to gain any kind of scholarship. They were still at work, no doubt, doing more than Jeremy ever could. They could put up with the bullshit demands of customers, and the abuse from their managers. But this was the third job that Jeremy had left behind this year alone.

 ‘Why don’t you come sit down, and you can tell me what really happened?’ She kissed his cheek and guided him to the lounge. The fitness program was switched to the news, but turned down until the broadcast was a mere mutter.

 Jeremy felt embarrassed to say much to her, but he knew that his ma wanted to hear what he had to say. As he spoke, detailing the list of demands he had suffered through that day, the news station switched headlines. Unbeknownst to Jeremy or his ma, a fast-acting viral infection was rapidly spreading through several different hotspots across the city. If they had been paying any mind, they would have seen the havoc being caused from the crappy cellphone footage.

 They only noticed when a scream radiated from the television, the one recording the chaos suddenly on the ground.

 Another, sickly man, had his face buried deep into his intestines.

[advena87]

Aiden & Lambert’s love story because we deserve more than one and we didn't get any (at least not in canon). Long Post!

check out also Kaer Morhen Shenanigans

Here is: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 and Daily Lambert

also Keira & Lambert’s love story and… this.

I love playing with incorrect quotes. The ones below are already used a few times in Kaer Morhen shenanigans, but I modified and changed them, and added a lot of new ones.

So the idea is that young witchers from the griffin and cat schools come to Kaer Morhen - including Coen and Aiden. The purpose of the visit is for aspiring witchers to learn something from each other, and in fact it’s just an excuse to play with the idea of Lambert x Aiden. Of course, Lambert’s witcher brothers will try to help him with his crush, and they will not miss the opportunity to make fun of him.

The setting is like this because the idea that Geralt, Eskel and Berengar will be Lambert's wingmen is simply priceless. I know that this configuration had no right to happen in the canon, but the canon has hurt us more than once. That's why we always have to fix everything. And that's why Berengar appears in my posts. In my opinion he deserved it and you can't change my mind. And I think he and Lambert have so much in common that it's really a shame they never met in games. I think that they would have a beautiful dynamics of the oldest and youngest brother.

Anyway I hope you enjoy it! :)

.

Aiden: Hi, I am-

Lambert, shaking his hand: Handsome.

Aiden: -Aiden. And you are?

Lambert: Apparently not as straight as I thought I was.

***

Lambert: Can I ask a dumb question?

Berengar: Better than anyone I know.

Lambert: Is it gay to think about your best mate in the shower?

Berengar: …

Geralt: …

Eskel: …

Lambert: Asking for a friend.

Berengar: …

Geralt: …

Eskel: …

Lambert: But now seriously: I’m not gay if I wanna date Aiden as like bros, right?

Geralt: I’m no expert but that does sound kinda gay.

Berengar: I’m an expert. That’s gay.

***

Lambert: I swing both ways.

Lambert: Violently. With a sword.

Lambert: Also, I’m bisexual.

Lambert: … promise you won’t tell anyone?

Berengar: Your secret is safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

*later*

Eskel: The printer messed up the invitations. It was supposed to say “Lambert’ birthday”.

Geralt: What does it say instead?

Eskel: “Lambert’ bi”

Berengar: Well that could still work.

Geralt: Wait, what? No, Lambert is straight.

Berengar: Trust me, he isn’t. The only straight thing he is gonna do is that he is gonna go straight to hell.

Eskel: Wait, Berengar, isn’t this thing between Lambert and Aiden supposed to be a secret?

Berengar: Hardly. The only people who don’t know Lambert loves Aiden are Lambert and Aiden. And Geralt for some reason.

***

Eskel: You and Aiden seem very close.

Lambert: We're just friends.

Berengar: Oh please, we all know you're a heartbeat away from getting his name tattooed on your ass.

***

Lambert: You look nice, I want to kiss you.

Aiden: WHAT

Lambert: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN’T MISS YOU

Berengar, behind Lambert's back, mouthing to Aiden: LIES

***

*Aiden and Coen talking and laughing*

Lambert: *staring at them silently*

Eskel: You’re really quiet today, Lambert.

Lambert: Nobody plans a murder out loud.

***

Lambert: Why does this griffin dude keep talking to you?

Aiden: Lambert, we are friends.

Lambert: I know you two are friends but…

Aiden, deadpan: No, Lambert, I meant you and I are friends.

Lambert: Yeah, we’re friends, but I’d fuck you if you asked.

Aiden: What?

Lambert: What?

Berengar, eating popcorn: He said he’d fuck you if you asked.

***

Lambert: Fuck, Aiden, you look like hell!

Aiden: Yeah? I just got back.

Lambert: Dude, who hurt you?

Aiden: Do you want a list or something?

Lambert:

Lambert: *grabs sword* Actually, yes.

Aiden: No, wait, we can’t solve all our problems with murder.

Lambert: How about just this problem?

***

Lambert: I think I might have a crush on Aiden…

Berengar: Congratulations, you’re officially the last one to know.

Geralt: Aiden would never date a jerk like you.

Lambert: Fuck you, shouldn’t I be one of your best friends?

Gerelt: Yeah, which is how I know you’re a jerk.

Eskel: So what are you going to do?

Lambert: I don’t know, something dramatic I hope.

Berengar: Oh for fuck’s sake, just ask Aiden out! What’s the worst that could happen?

Lambert: Humiliation, embarrassment, fire, explosions, collisions, tears, nudity and death.

***

Aiden: Can you ride?

Lambert: *looks at Aiden up and down* Yes.

Aiden: I meant the horse, Lambert.

***

Lambert: How do I politely ask him to slam me against a wall and make out with me?

Geralt: Lambert, it’s four in the morning, if you want to make out with Aiden just do it quietly, I don’t care how you ask him!

*next day*

Aiden: *hands Lambert a water bottle*

Lambert: *drinking it* Thanks, what’s it for?

Aiden: Geralt says you get thirsty around me.

Lambert: *chokes on water*

***

Lambert, smirking: So when are you gonna go out with me?

Aiden, smiling back: I don’t know, when are you gonna ask me out?

Lambert, freaking out: uhhh....

*later that day*

Berengar: So you ran away like a fucking coward?

Lambert: I DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO FLIRT BACK!!

***

Eskel: Why are you ignoring Aiden?

Lambert: I’m playing hard to get.

Geralt: Why would you do that? You’re already hard to want.

***

Eskel: I shouldn’t be interfering in this but give him a chance. Lambert would throw himself in front of a speeding horse for you.

Aiden: Lambert would throw himself in front of a speeding horse for fun.

Eskel: Ok, point taken, but don’t worry, he grows on you.

Aiden: Oh, really?

Eskel:

Eskel: No, actually, he just gets worse.

***

Aiden: I’m having problems with Lambert.

Geralt: Problems like ‘his dead body won’t fit in your cupboard’ or problems like ‘you like him’?

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Problems like ‘I like him’.

Geralt: Too bad, I could have helped with the other one.

***

Aiden: I have 4 friends.

Eskel: But there are 5 of us. Me, Geralt, Berengar, Lambert and Coen.

Aiden: Lambert is my special idiot.

Aiden: That’s different.

***

Aiden: Lambert, look me in the eyes and be straight with me.

Lambert: So… Do I look at you? Or do I be straight? I can’t do both.

***

Lambert: I’m in love with you.

Aiden: That’s… a terrible idea.

Lambert: Yeah, I have a lot of those.

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Well then, let's try.

Lambert: Wait, does that mean you like me? For my personality?

Aiden: I know, I was surprised too.

***

Lambert and Aiden: *walk into the room together with happiness written on their faces*

Berengar: So who finally confessed?

Lambert: It was me, I made sure it was short and sweet.

Aiden: You yelled, “Listen here, you little shit, I have feelings for you and it’s about time you acknowledged them!” from the castle tower.

Lambert: It worked though.

Aiden: All in all, this may come as a surprise to you, but Lambert and I are dating now.

Geralt: Damn. Now I owe Eskel 20 crowns. You guys couldn’t have waited another week?

Lambert: Wait, what?

Eskel: You two just earned me 20 crowns is what, so thank you.

***

Aiden: When you're gay in your house with nobody else, you're homolone.

Lambert: When you're bi and there's nobody else around, you're biyourself.

Berengar: You're two morons.

***

Coen: So, you've already made friends with Eskel, Geralt and Berengar?

Aiden: Yeah.

Coen: Great, just a little advice - stay away from Lambert.

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Lambert is my boyfriend.

Coen: Oh...

Coen: Um...

Coen: So, what's he like?

Aiden: Have you ever met a human version of a headache?

***

Coen, pointing at Lambert: Is this guy bothering you?

Aiden: Yeah, but he’s my boyfriend, I signed up for this

***

Aiden: You’re annoying.

Lambert: But you love me >:3

Aiden: Doesn’t make you any less annoying.

***

Lambert: *spills water on his shirt* Oh, what have I done? Now my shirt is all see-through.

Geralt: *rolls his eyes* And so are you. I know what you’re doing.

AIden: So do I, but I am enjoying the show immensely.

***

Lambert: Did it hurt?

Aiden, rolling his eyes: When I fell from heaven?

Lambert: No.

Lambert: When you fell for me.

Aiden: ...

Aiden: Actually, yes. It’s hurts every day.

Berengar, from distance: BUUURN!

***

Coen: It’s so exhausting having a boyfriend! You’re lucky you don’t have one.

AIden: Actually, last time I checked I did have a boyfriend.

Coen: No, you have a Lambert. That’s not the same thing.

Aiden: What do you mean?

Coen: Well, he’s more like a puppy. Excitable, loud, always happy to see you, protective, and he bites anyone who threatens you.

Aiden: …

Aiden: Point taken.

***

Aiden: YOU’RE SO ANNOYING! I CANT BELIEVE IM DATING YOU!

Lambert: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOURE THE ONE WHO CHEATED!

Aiden: Because YOU cheated FIRST!

Lambert: YOU STUPID-

Eskel: I think we’re done playing gwent for tonight….

Geralt: Wait, no. I’m enjoying this.

Aiden: Don't you call me stupid!

Lambert: Okay, then how about 'bitch'?!

Aiden: Arrogant dick!

Lambert: Spoiled asshole!

Aiden: Fuck you!

Lambert: Fuck YOU!

Aiden: FUCK YOU!!!

Lambert: FUCK!!! YOU!!!

Aiden: ...

Aiden: My room, ten minutes.

Geralt: Okey... not what I expected.

Eskel: And we're done here.

***

Lambert: I have an idea, but I’m going to need your permission.

Aiden: Sudenly you need my permission? Why?

Lambert: Cause if I mess it up, I don’t want it to be just my fault.

Aiden: That sounds like a really risky and gay plan.

Lambert: So? You in?

Aiden: I thought it was an obvious answer.  

***

Aiden: I want to hear those three little words.

Lamber: I love you.

Aiden: Try again.

Lambert: Fine.

Lambert: I will behave.

Aiden: :)

***

Aiden: Close your eyes and hold out your hand.

Lambert: I played this game once with my brothers and got slimed by a toad.

Aiden: It’s not a toad.

***

Lambert: I didn’t raise you to be like this.

Aiden: You’re my boyfriend. You didn’t raise me at all.

Lambert: And yet you still call me daddy.

Aiden: Oh for the love of-

***

Eskel: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Geralt: Weak. I sleep with a sword under mine.

Lambert: You’re both pathetic.

Berengar: What killer weapon do you sleep with then, Mr. Badass?

Lambert, proud and confident: Aiden.

***

Aiden: The food's too hot, I can't eat it.

Lambert: You're too hot and I still eat you.

Berengar: It's family moments like these that we will never forget.

Geralt: With a good therapist, hopefully I will.

Eskel: I'm not hungry anymore.

Vesemir: One dinner. ONE NORMAL DINNER!!

***

Lambert: *phone starts ringing*

Eskel: *looks at who is calling*

Eskle, laughs: So you call Vesemir 'daddy'?

Lambert: *answers call and makes direct eye contact with Eskel*

Lambert: Hey, Aiden.

Eskel: *chokes on drink*

***

Geralt: Okay Lambert, truth or dare?

Lambert: Truth.

Geralt, smirking: Why did you get kicked out of the brothel?

Lambert, looking absolutely horrified: Oh no…

Aiden, whipping his head around so fast Eskel almost shits himself: You fucking what?!

Lambert: Look, you can’t be mad at me! I was just there, minding my own business-

Aiden: We both know that’s a load of crap, Lambert, you’re lying!

Lambert: Does this look like the face of a liar?

Aiden: You really don’t want to hear my thoughts on your face right now.

Lambert: Ok, you know what? Fuck you!

Aiden: Later. Now listen here, you little shit-

Geralt, laughing: Living my best life.

Eskel: Oh my God, Geralt, what did you do, they’re going to kill each other.

Geralt: This isn’t about them.

Aiden, siting on Lambert and beating crap out from him: Really Lambert, I expected better from you!

Lambert, rolling them and pinning Aiden to the ground: Then that’s your own fault! I’m not responsible for your expectations!

Aiden: Bite me!

Lambert: Where?

Aiden: ...

Lambert: So you going to take a swing? Or you just going to staring into my eyes?

Aiden: Hmm, what was that? I was busy staring into your eyes...

Labert: Oh you beautiful bastard! Just punch me already!

*Berengar enters room*

Berengar: What the fuck is going on here? Are they fighting or making out?

Eskel: At this point, I honestly can't tell.

*later*

Lambert: Eskel, how do I get revenge on Geralt?

Eskel: The best revenge is letting go and living your life to the fullest.

Lambert: …

Lambert: Berengar, how do I -

Berengar: Brick.

***

Aiden: How do you usually get out of these messes?

Lambert: I don’t, I just make an even bigger one that cancels the first one out.

Aiden: That sounds like a terrible plan.

Lambert: Oh, I’ve had worse.

***

Aiden: I’m fucking an idiot.

Eskel: Isn’t that grammatically wrong? Shouldn’t it be “I’m a fucking idiot”?

Aiden: No, I’m fucking an idiot.

Eskel: ???

Aiden, sighing: Ok, watch out.

Aiden: Yo, Lambert, are you high?

Lambert: What?

Aiden: High!

Lambert: Hello!

Aiden to Eskel, pointing to Lambert: That’s the idiot.

***

*witchers face complications during the contract. Lambert is abducted for the ransom*

Lambert, offended: You think I’m only worth 10.000 crowns?!

Kidnappers: What?

Lambert: Give me that *takes the megaphone*

Lambert: Make it 1 billion and we can think about it.

Aiden, from outside: LAMBERT SHUT THE FUCK UP!

***

Lambert: Okay, okay, what if I microwave a spoon? Steal some bees? Oh, oh, let's try to fuse corn and apples!

Aiden: What the fuck?

Aiden: Lambert, I asked you how we should spend our anniversary, I clearly do not remember requesting for ways to disappoint your family.

Lambert: Sorry, force of habit.

***

Lambert, drunk at 1AM: *in pajamas and blasting ABBA in his room* Gimmie gimmie gimmie my man after midnight! Won’t somebody help me-

Geralt in the other room: Aiden is dead. Get over it and go to bed! There’s your help.

Lambert: [drunken sobs]

.

[thebachelordiaries]

Clare seeks HIMBO: ‘The Bachelorette’ cast first impressions

The Covid-19 pandemic has been rough for the entire world, but Bachelor Nation faced some dark days too. Going eight months without a single new episode from The Bachelor franchise is something I would really like to not relive.

Fortunately, those dark days are over. Clare’s season has me sucked back in. 

The quality of this image is atrocious.

Most of these men—presuming they followed CDC’s social distancing guidelines— haven’t seen a woman in months, are touch deprived, possibly unemployed and contemplating moving back to their hometown while stalking the housing market on Zillow. Everyone’s desperate. That makes for some pretty good TV.

This season features men ranging from ages 26 to 41. We’ve got a boy band manager, a grooming specialist, several men who look like they masturbate in front of full length mirrors and even more who probably want me to join their MLM pyramid scheme. 

I’ve never been more ready to roast a bunch of men who have nightmares about going bald. It’s all I’ve wanted to do since March.

Let’s go:

AJ, 28, Software sales

AJ is the kind of guy who writes “Looking for the Pam to my Jim <3″ on his Bumble profile. His bio is generic and probably not reflective of who he is as a person. If I were Clare I’d swipe left.

Ben, 29, Army ranger veteran

“Ben's favorite indulgence is an ice bath.“ Well then.

Alexa, play “Run” by AWOLNATION.

Bennett, 36, Wealth management consultant

Bennett’s profile is the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. This man says he is the total package but hasn’t always been "this successful and good looking.” But wait, there’s more: “According to Bennett, his high school girlfriend is the only girl he's ever had to work for.“

Can someone tell me what NYC neighborhood he lives in so I can blacklist it?

Blake M1, 31, Male grooming specialist

Blake’s just another stereotypical “29th round draft pick who sat on the bench of the practice team before getting cut, but claims he left the sport due to an injury on his own accord.” 

Blake M2, 29, Wildlife manager

This Blake is an outdoorsy Canadian who seems pretty genuine and cool. Unfortunately, he has the face of someone who’d get sent home on night one. I hope I’m wrong.

Brandon, 28, Real Estate Agent

Just another boring hot person. Nothing to see here.

Brendan, 30, Commercial roofer

Brandan, not to be confused for Brandon, “loves some good true crime, working out and hanging out with his friends.” I can’t even make fun of this man. We have the exact same interests. 

Chasen, 31, IT account executive

The Winklevoss twins are actually triplets and Chasen is their long lost brother. But more seriously, have you ever seen someone who looks more like their name than this man?

Chris, 27, Landscape design salesman

“Chris hopes to find a woman who is sharp and witty but also easygoing.” Chris, sweetheart, have you met Clare? Easygoing...? There’s still time back out of this before it’s too late.

Dale, 31, Former pro football wide receiver

Dale aggressively screams “Bachelor material.” I’d say he’s auditioning for that role but Matt James already scooped it up. Better luck next year, Daley.

Demar, 26, Spin cycling instructor

Demar is a “very popular spin instructor in Scottsdale and says he can get on that bike and spin to any beat thrown his way.” Imagine how many trophy wives Demar has f*cked? 

Eazy, 29, Sports marketing agent

Eazy is very similar to Dale on paper. Except his name is Eazy so he automatically loses that battle.

Ed, 33, Health care salesman

“Ed is looking to find a woman who has natural beauty without looking overly fake.” Ed deserves to die alone.

Garin, 34, Professor of Journalism

Garin’s bio is giving me hubby material vibes. And maybe a little bit of a “gets eliminated on night one” vibe too.

Ivan, 28, Aeronautical Engineer

Ivan, what are you doing here? We’re in a recession. Please go back to your normal job before it’s too late. 

Jason, 31, Former pro football linemen

“He is a former NFL offensive lineman who, after suffering too many concussions on the field, decided to prioritize his health and change the direction of his life.” A big, brawny HIMBO with CTE? I feel like he’s Clare’s type.

Jay, 29, Fitness director

There are too many things about Jay that I dislike and I’m trying to keep this brief. Jay says “it's time to take a break from worrying about others and focus on himself instead.” I am willing to bet money that this man has never made a woman c*m.

Jeremy, 40, Banker

Jeremy is the oldest contestant ever to come on "The Bachelorette,” which may seem like a monuments accomplishment but he’s literally only one year older than Clare. 

He also “hates Instagram models, both male and female,” so he should have a lot of fun here.

Joe, 36, Anesthesiologist

Before I even saw his profession and location, I thought Joe looked like a doctor I’d find on a NYC dating app...and...uh...I probably did see him on there now that I think about it.

Anyway, this man has apparently been through seven stages of hell while on the front lines fighting Covid-19 in NYC so I definitely think he deserves to find love. Someone marry him please.

Jordan C, 26, Software account executive

I can already tell Jordan is going to get the “I’m young but mature” edit which means he’s probably not going to be good TV.

Too bad someone a tad younger (like Tayshia) wasn’t the Bachelorette. I feel like they’d make a cute couple.

Jordan M., 30, Cyber security engineer

I was going to say something mean but Jordan’s into cyber security and I don’t want my blog to be deactivated, so never mind. Cast photos are historically bad so I’m sure he looks much better in real life.

Kenny, 39, Boy band manager

I could go for the obvious drags regarding this man’s profession (or his sh*tty chest tattoo, or his suspiciously boyish face relative to his age), but I like to think I’m more clever than that. 

I’d like to take this time to talk about men, who are obviously difficult people, who rant and rave about how they want an “easygoing” woman. Look into the mirror, bud. No, not the one you use to jerk off to your reflection; the mirror that looks into your soul. Out of respect for the rest of humankind, have some self-awareness. Or maybe just see a therapist.

Mike, 38, Digital media advisor

Mike is seemingly a decent catch, but I can’t help but wonder why he’s still single or how he never (accidentally or on purpose) impregnated a woman in his 38 years of life. 

And now that I’m thinking about it, do any of these men have children? I have yet to see any mention of it in their bios. But there are eight men left to review, so there’s still time.

Page, 37, Chef

I spoke too soon. Page is a father! He also hates football! I’m a fan of this man. I was initially going to drag him for his name and say that Page is not a real name. PAIGE is a real name. PAGE is a piece of paper. I’m allowed to say this because we have the same name except mine is spelled the correct way. Based on my (mostly positive) review of his cast bio, I have decided not to hold his name against him.

Riley, 30, Long Island City

Riley, once married with children, would like to go on a family vacation that consists of touring every single MLB stadium in the country. If i were his wife, I would simply never give this man children.

Robby, 30, Insurance broker

No more Robbys on The Bachelorette. Society has evolved past its need for more Robbys.

This Robby described his dream woman as: “Incredibly athletic and able to throw back a few beers with him after a day of hiking. She has a sweet personality and won't mind that he spends his Sundays on the golf course.”

Someone please give this man a sex doll. He just wants a hole.

Tyler C., 27, Lawyer

“Tyler C. is a badass lawyer who says he is a businessman by day and a cowboy by night.” How does that make him a lawyer? Does this mean he’s into cosplay? I’m confused.

Tyler S., 36, Music manager

Tyler makes an honorable living off riding his brother’s dick success as a country singer. “He just LOVES his job!” Uh yeah, I would too if I had a low-show, high-paying job off the merits of nepotism. It’s the American dream.

Yosef, 30, Medical device salesman

Another dad! He’s totally going to pull the “girl dad” narrative. That saying is kind of sexist to me but the masses generally eat it up, so I’m fairly confident Yosef will get the "sweet guy” edit he’s looking for.

Zac C., 36, Addiction specialist

“He loves Philadelphia sports and dreams of sharing a Philly Cheesesteak with his future wife while watching the Eagles win a Super Bowl.” This man is so South Jersey it hurts. 

On a more serious note, I don’t think anyone in recent history has spoken openly about their personal struggle with addiction on this show, so I hope Zac gets a chance to tell his story. 

Zach J., 37, Cleaning service owner

Zach is seemingly obsessed with Clare already and hopes to introduce her to his mom as his fiancée. Since Zach watched Clare on Juan Pablo’s season, you’d think he’d know that Clare would first meet his mom during the final four hometown dates. Assuming he makes it that far. My prediction is that he won’t.

Final thoughts

After eight long months Bachelor Mondays are back!!!

Uhh....wait.

Actually, we now have the less-exciting Bachelor Tuesdays. Yeah, it definitely doesn’t have the same ring to it. But I’ll take anything at this point.

Here are my final predictions:

First impression rose: Dale. It just looks like he can turn on the bullsh*t charm

Final rose: Jason. Clare wants a HIMBO I just know it.

Bachelor: nobody (Matt James is The Bachelor)

Most likely to get engaged on Bachelor in Paradise: Blake M2

Most likely to get canceled online: Bennett

Most likely to get sent home night one but deserve better: Chris

Who are your favorite men cast on this season?

[thewriterwithnoplan]

Fire, Brimstone and the Glory of Gotham (Part 1)

Summary: Bart Allen always seems to know something about something. Strange facts or secrets or theories gifted to him from his soulmate. This ‘gift’ along with his forbidden speed wielding abilities, get him landed smack bang in the center of the Gotham Resistance - an army fighting against the Reach with the help of villains and assassins. Tangled up with the Council of Robins - an elitist group of heroic descendants - and their fearless leader Y/N Drake AKA Commander Apocalypse, Bart must navigate this new environment like a minefield. Because one wrong step could bring his life and the lives of every last human being, to a short and bitter end. Pairing: Bart Allen x Reader Word Count: 2377 Warnings: Probably swearing.

The Reach liked to say that Humans had brought this upon themselves. With their medalling heroes and their strange customs. They liked to blame the Earth itself for being so enticing with its meta-humans and its soulmates. It had only been a matter of time before an alien race had discovered the true power human's harbored and decided to take it for themselves.

Sometimes Y/N wondered if the Reach would have left them well enough alone without soulmates. Not that she'd ever wanted a soulmate or even given the concept much thought. But the arrival of the Reach had put humanity at an impasse, and it was common knowledge nowadays that soulmates were not something to celebrate.

In fact, many couples despised each other or went as far as getting rid of their soul bound. Significant others or relationships of any kind were far too dangerous in the modern era. Why would you want a soulmate when the most they could do was give you more to worry about? Honestly, Y/N couldn't see the appeal and that was perhaps the only thing that had kept her alive all these years.

"Ready?" Mari' Grayson – Y/N's closest thing to a sister – nudged her softly, green-glowing eyes innocently curious. The H/C haired girl kept her eyes trained dutifully forward, watching the digital numbers flash above them, announcing their acescent through the elevator shaft.

"Kind of feeling the mode actually," She answered honestly.

Y/N hated choosing ceremonies. Hand-picking someone to put their life on the line in order to help them in their war against the Reach. But it was one of her most important jobs as Commander of the Gotham Resistance. If she chose wrong and they accidentally divulged secrets to a spy, the entire operation could come crumbling down. It was one of the few things that Y/N despised about her life; the fact that she had to send people to their deaths and the fact that said people were willingly lining up for it.

"Have you seen the line up yet?" Mari' asked as she repositioned her tiara and brushed off her purple vigilante outfit, appearing far too old to be a mere ten years old. "Riding Hood says there'll be mostly civilians like usual, but apparently one of the descendants is going to come. Crash, huh?"

"A descendant? As in, child of one of the old heroes?" Y/N frowned at the too eager nod she received from Mari', "Haven't seen a new one of them in a good few years. Speaking of Riding Hood where is Jocelyn? I thought one of the Todds would want to be here especially if there's supposed to be a descendant."

"Uncle Jason has them off patrolling Star City." The young girl shrugged, raven curls bouncing with the gesture. "Apparently the Arrows called in a Code Blue."

"They saw Blue Beatle, and nobody thought to tell me?"

"They asked specifically for the Todd's help." She murmured timidly. "You know how the Arrows get, but Uncle Roy and Lian trust them."

"Still Mari' we've talked about this," Y/N sighed as she straightened out her own outfit – mostly consisting of black with red and yellow highlights, "Jocelyn may be eldest, but I was elected as Commander."

Mari' gave a small apologetic smile as the pair continued to stare at the many, many levels of the Batcave. Once upon a time – according to Mari's father, Dick Grayson – there had only been a few small levels that they mostly used as a base of operations. It was still a base of operations, but desperate times had called it into service for more than that.

After the destruction of the Mount. Justice, Bruce Wayne had gone to work on the cave. And thank the gods he had. The rebellion didn't just work out of the Batcave, they all lived there. They had been forced to after the destruction of Wayne manor. It was the only home that Y/N had ever known. She'd been raised here, trained here, had run the Resistance from within the cold stone walls for years.

But it was times like these that she didn't recognize the compound. Perhaps it was because she was so very different from the starry-eyed girl that had bounced the halls like Mari' herself could. Sometimes she envied the young girl for her innocence – even if she was prone to violent joy like the rest of them. Y/N would never admit it but sometimes her mind wandered, and she found herself contemplating what it would be like if she wasn't the second oldest.

"We'd likely all be dead," The boy behind them chimed, making Mari' jump out of her skin. Even Y/N had forgotten that Dorian Wayne was there. "Yeah, people do that a lot."

"Again Dorian, stop reading my mind."

Gods sometimes Y/N fucking hated Dorian. Don't get her wrong the boy was basically her sibling – as was Jocelyn and Mari' – but he could drive her crazy sometimes. His Telepathy could get rather pesky in a domestic situation, so it was lucky that they were barely ever off the battlefield. Besides, Y/N would have to deal with Dorian anyway even if they hadn't been almost siblings. The fact that the boy was heir to the League of Assassins always seemed to work in their favor despite the fact that Dorian was a dumbass.

"Rude." He hissed lightly, although she knew that he put up with them too. From what he'd told her, the Resistance's compound was a much better place to be raised in comparison to the League of Assassins. Even if they were constantly in battles or at these choosing ceremonies or sitting through lengthy council meetings.

Dorian frowned at her, "I was being serious though. If you weren't the commander, then the Resistance would probably have been moded years ago."

"That's crash of you D." Y/N gave a dry chuckle. "But I'm just the face of the Resistance, the Council is a collective it's not just me pulling the strings."

"Bullshit," He grumbled like a small child – unsurprising for his fourteen years. "We all listen to you. Mari' follows you like a puppy and Jocelyn... Bad example but if she listens to anyone it's you."

"Thank you, Dorian."

"It's true," Mari' grinned up at her, "Whenever Daddy stops by, he says that the Old Heroes would have liked you. He thinks you're the perfect leader for the Council of Robins."

"Sweetheart." Y/N sighed deeply as the young girl sniffled softly. It wasn't often that Dick Grayson – the Golden boy and first Robin – was seen or discussed but whenever he came up it was a sore subject. Ever since that first day when he had swooped in, dropped Mari' off and disappeared they'd all made it clear how they felt about him. But the Council – meaning Dorian, Jocelyn, and Y/N – knew how important that relationship was to Mari'. It didn't make it hurt any less.

They'd all been there though. Mari' was just the latest one to be dumped at the compound where all sorts of meta children seemed to end up. Although Mari' was still one of the lucky ones, children - like the ones they were going to be choosing from – often didn't have parents and had to fight to get a place in the Resistance. Even meta-humans and descendants of the old heroes had to earn their keep. Mari' was more fortunate than she knew, being born into her position on the Council of Robins was probably the only thing that had kept her alive all these years.

Y/N sighed and pulled the young girl - who was still unnervingly small for her age - to sit on her hip. Dorian and Y/N began cooing at their fellow Robin, talking about how proud of her they were. It was something they all did for each other, especially since only Jason had stuck around for his child. Neither of the elder council members seemed to hear the elevator ding over their coddling but they certainly realized after the doors opened. Eight young faces stared at the three Robin's as they swiftly straightened and exited the elevator.

"Not a word." Was all Dorian bothered to say to them as he settled into a highbacked office chair. Despite the fact that the black leather half-swallowed him, he still managed to make the gesture look threatening. Y/N stifled a laugh as she gently set Mari' down and took her own seat.

"Now," Y/N said calmly, "As most of you know, the Resistance houses all those who can make it here-" A few tense shoulders slackened in relief but then the girl added sharply, "However. Those of you who are here to join our fighters will not be so easily accepted. If you would like to take a place in the Resistance step forward."

One of the boys stepped forward eagerly, almost vibrating with excitement. The others seemed less than sure as they glanced between one another. Only three more stepped forward before the remaining four were escorted out and to whatever room that Alice Pennyworth - their head of care and communication - had assigned them.

Y/N glanced at the four left - the over-eager-brunette-boy, a stoic-blond-girl and a pair of twins who stood far too still to be natural. Dorian frowned at her, motioning to his head as if to say; let me read their minds. She sent him a harsh glare, the last time he had tried to read anyone but his family's minds - who he got into far too easily - they'd ended up as drooling messes on the floor.

Noticing that her cousins were caught up in a glaring competition Mari' spoke for them, "What makes you special?"

"I am Kun and this is Lou." The first twin said softly, "We hail from Metropolis."

Someone sucked in a sharp breath at the mention of Gotham's sister city. Metropolis was said to be a dead zone for anyone foolish enough to go anywhere in the vicinity. Once upon a time, it had been protected by the Superfamily who had run an operation much like the Council of Robin's.

Whenever Damian Wayne and Jon Kent visited, they often spoke about how it had once been the Sunshine city. Nowadays Gotham was the only safe place - save Star city thanks to the Arrows but they didn't run anything like the Resistance, they protected it mostly for spite. So, coming from Metropolis was skill enough.

"I spent three years in the pits," The red-haired girl huffed. It suddenly made sense why her body was mostly muscle even when her face seemed hollow. Kids who got caught by the more merciful Reach members were sent to the pits where they mined for them or fought each other for entertainment.

The over-eager-brunette-boy sped forward a few steps as he blurted, "I'm the last descendant of the Flash!"

Silence rolled over the room as the three other contenders winced. Descendants were usually their most sought-after members. Often, they got accepted immediately after a blood test. But a child if the Flash? Yeah, Y/N didn't think so, she sent Dorian a look that said as much. He nodded once and drew the sword from across his back. Mari' jumped slightly, skittered off her seat and leaped onto Y/N’s lap.

“Children of Flash are enemies of the Council of Robin’s,” Dorian gave a savage grin as Mari’ buried her head in the crook of her Y/N’s neck, “Leave Gotham or we will be forced to call in a full response.”

A full response. Not something they did for just anyone but speedsters? Hell yeah, they were going to call everyone they knew. The Council of Robin’s had lost far too much at the hands of the Flash and his descendants. It had been one of the Flash’s descendants – Y/N had never cared to learn which one - who had chosen to check on his soulmate instead of saving countless civilians. The decision had left Jocelyn’s mother, Nightingale, Mari’s mother, Starfire, and Y/N’s own mother – Wandera – at the mercy of the Reach’s very worst members.

The Council of Robins - and the Gotham Resistance by extension – liked to call it the Spitfire complex. It could happen to anyone if you thought about it, but those with the power of the speed force seemed programmed that way. They fell madly, irreversibly in love. Y/N thought it might have been nice had they not been living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where that sort of bullshit could get them all killed. Spitfires were dangerous, they often went insane if their other half passed – so Y/N wasn’t taking any chances.

“Wait n-” The boy protested only to be cut off by Dorian placing his katana at his neck.

Y/N nodded to the girl and the pair of twins, “You three are dismissed, training starts tomorrow at eighteen hundred.”

“Thank you, Commander.” The girl breathed in relief, that tough exterior breaking for a moment as she ducked her head in thanks and followed as Alice returned to lead them to their quarters.

Y/N’s eyes settled on the brunette. He was so energetic in a way that she could almost feel the innocence rolling off of him in waves. It almost made her feel guilty for nodding to Dorian and watching as her cousin dragged the shaking boy off. But that boy – no matter how innocent he seemed – would grow to be just like the man who had let her mother and the mothers of her beloved cousins die.

Mari’ looked up at Y/N with round green eyes, as she huddled tighter into her embrace. She whispered something far too softly for the older girl to hear. Again, and again the youngest Robin whispered until her voice grew confident enough for Y/N to hear.

“Nightstar,” Mari’ murmured, a small smile erasing the wary look in her eyes. The tradition always did that to any of the Robin’s on the Council. It had started with their mothers – whispering their names until they felt free enough to say it to the world – and they had passed it to the Council.

“Nightstar.”

Y/N smiled softly down at the young Tameranian as she added her own name to the chant, “Apocalypse.”

@hm02​

[boundlesshart]

how royal succession works in Almyra + Other Things about almyra that’s been rattling in my head since that nintendo dream interview laid waste on my crops

hi, so after reading M’s @ladamedepique​ drabble about a concubine war kid getting kmarted, i realized that what i actually want to write is the Everything i’ve been thinking about since this nintendo dream interview came out back in march. so i did. it’s 2am and im hungry.

i realize that it’s been a while, so the summary of that interview’s impact on my claude headcanons is “my handcrafted claude backstory that i had to write myself bc intsys decided fuck claude is now irreversibly fucked by the introduction of a bunch of half-siblings he had to be rivals with.” if you ever catch yourself wondering why this is such a mess, well because that’s exactly what this is! this is all subject to change, it’s same kind of “haphazard and bizarrely long half-baked headcanon report” that my dlc thought train was. i’ve changed my mind at least 20 times during this process i will change it again

i’d like to thank zotero for holding all of my journal articles and pdfs on the ottomans and their succession system, and also magnificent century og and kosem, while not being totally historically accurate, for being a fun soap opera to give me some visuals to work with in my head. i now have a positive understanding of what claude’s shitty little beard could realistically look like, which is a gift that i never thought i would have.

Almyran Succession

All of the king’s children, regardless of if they were born in or out of wedlock, is considered a legitimate prince or princess. This is pretty much the only title that they can expect to have, as they and their mothers cannot inherit any lands, titles or wealth that would have been passed to them from their own families. Almyran property law aims to avoid partitioning property between multiple heirs for the sake of maintaining the family’s financial stability. The throne of Almyra works under the same principle, which had led to the introduction, legalization, and practice of open succession.

Open succession, despite its potential to be cruel, is viewed as a necessary step to ensure that the throne would only be held by strong leaders chosen by the people (”people” ending up being the higher-ranking officials that would benefit from a specific child’s ascension). If they proved to be lacking, they would simply be deposed of and replaced. 

What determines who becomes the next ruler of Almyra is not whether a child is the oldest of all the children, but if they and their allies have the political acumen to not only claim kingship but keep it, fighting off their rival brothers and sisters.

All sons and unmarried daughters are eligible to rule Almyra. By law is not only the next ruler’s right but duty to remove other potential heirs to secure their right to rule and the stability of their reign. Generally upon a ruler’s ascension to the throne, their brothers will be killed and their sisters married off or killed if they threaten their siblings’ rule. Exceptions have been made in the past, but they are few and far in between and have led to succession crises down the road. 

The previous ruler’s choice for an heir is usually accepted after their death, and ideal for minimizing the interregnum period. Even so, it doesn’t guarantee that the heir will be able to keep the throne.

Ok, but where do the kids come from?

Rulers of Almyra are allowed to have multiple spouses, but they usually only marry for political purposes.

The vast majority of children are mothered or fathered by concubines with no background of political power, which is preferred. Princes and princesses are allowed to have children once they leave the palace (to prove that they can have them), but if they have too many they may be considered a threat to the king and dealt with appropriately.

I think the one mother-one child rule would have been in place here, not necessarily as a law but as a rule enforced by other spouses and concubines, as well as the ruler’s mother or father.

Princes and princesses aren’t dropping like flies, and murdering them without having the law on your side is considered treason of the highest order. They’re still aware of their competition and fear being murdered when one of their siblings takes the thrones, so few end up becoming friends.

Children are ultimately their mother’s or father’s responsibility. They are expected to guide them through their education and follow them to their provincial post when they are old enough, setting them up for success and paving their path to the throne. King and Queen Dowagers have been incredibly influential in Almyran history and support their children by representing them politically and managing their spouses and concubines. 

Ok, whatever, just tell me what’s relevant to Claude:

Ibrahim, Claude’s father, became the king of Almyra only after 5 year civil war between himself and his two remaining brothers. He got to the throne first and is still feared for the ruthless execution of even his youngest brothers and sisters.

In all, Ibrahim has had 2 wives and 12 concubines, and he has fathered 10 sons and 6 daughters. A few died to childhood illnesses but most made it to at least 13 years old. He’s a doting father and cares for their well-being, though only when he happens to see them. Though he was a constant presence in Claude’s life, his half-siblings usually only saw him during holidays.

No one in Almyra knows that Tiana is the daughter of Duke Riegan, for all they know she’s a Fódlaner that King Ibrahim brought back with him after a short border strife with the Leicester Alliance. Obviously she goes by another name in Almyra, and here is where I think I’m going to bring back the first name I had for her, Desdemona. Suck it, intsys. She wasn’t liked when she first came due to being from Fódlan, and was accused of witchcraft when Ibrahim married her and devoted himself to her at the expense of his other wives as concubines. As the herd of children and concubines thinned, Tiana’s strong personality and battle prowess garnered her respect among the top officials of the Almyran court and even her enemies.

In Fódlan Year 1175, rebels infiltrate the palace walls and kill over a dozen people, from palace servants to princes and princesses. In the moment it was believed to be part of a revolt that was ongoing in the capital at the time and carried out by rebels storming the palace walls and stealing and killing whatever came in their way. After an investigation, it was discovered that that was just a cover up for.... a noble Almyran house trying to make a power grab through either an older son or with their own heir? I’ve been working out the details on this for months and I still don’t have them ironed out don’t look at me. It ends with a couple of older half-sibs dying but more importantly Claude’s older and younger brother dying and Claude nearly dying himself, only to survive with the Crest of Riegan. I imagine that there have been instances before hinted at him having the Crest of Riegan, but it was this incident that confirmed it for Tiana. 

These are the notable royal family members, or the ones I’ve spent at least one second thinking of:

King Ibrahim II of Almyra: Claude’s dad, born Fódlan year 1131 so 19 when he ascends the throne. He is feared but respected, brutal to his enemies, firm with his allies... but you’d be surprised by how easygoing he actually is with friends and family. He’s young at heart and energetic, even laughing at jokes made at his expense, but only in very close company. He loves writing poetry, especially to Tiana, and he frequently sends her love letters so that one can be read out to her every morning and evening when her mail is given to her. Relishes the thrill of battle. Nader introduced him to kumis back when they were boys and to this day Ibrahim regularly drinks a glass each night, claiming it makes him stronger.

There’s a tradition in the royal family that all princes and princesses must learn a trade in case that they fall into misfortune. Ibrahim enjoys goldsmithing when he is alone, a good distraction from his thoughts. Claude’s earring is part of a set given to his mother, crafted by his father as a gift.

Tiana von Riegan/Desdemona: Claude’s mom, born Fódlan year 1135. Claude calls her a warrior goddess and a demon queen that would laugh at his expense, I imagine that she’s in that “dead serious but good humored about it” boat like Claudedad, but less sappy about it. A tough but loving mother, she was very involved in her children’s upbringing and did her best to secure their place in the royal family. She doesn’t teach any of her kids the Fódlanguage because she was distancing herself from That, but Claude is able to convince her to help him learn (though she was reluctant about it and limited their lessons greatly, forcing him to teach himself mostly). She has firmly decided to never return to Fódlan, but a cup of Leicester Cortania is her guilty pleasure. These days Tiana spends her time at her husband’s side in Maragheh, keeping up with her training.

Two older half-brothers: So Claude’s endings have him as heir to the throne without a mention of rivals, but part of me feels like that’s too simple for Claude considering he just up and walked out of there 7 years ago so here we are, two rivals. They’re probably early to mid 30s at this point and have one or two small children of their own. I don’t know their names yet, but my initial ideas are a “nice” brother cool calculated pushing up glasses kind of dude that is actually a huge dick and a chad dudebro who’s just trying to distance himself from these bad vibes.

If I had to give them trades, nice brother likes to fish and sails for pleasure (he governs a coastal province) and chad brother carves wooden thumbrings. 

Orhan: Claude’s older brother, born Fódlan Year 1160. He was conceived months before Tiana went to Almyra (born 5 months after she arrived), so his parentage has been in doubt from day 1. I imagine him as having low self-esteem since he was believed to be a full-blooded Fódlaner, discriminated against in a similar way or worse than what the rest of his siblings went through. Historians would later debate whether or not he was actually Ibrahim’s son.... but we’re not historians, and Orhan was definitely his son. Died in the FY1175 uprising at the age of 15.

No idea what he looked like, he just happened to not look like his parents. His favorite food was salted cod, but he was rarely able to get it. Orhan enjoyed playing the violin.

Claude/Khalid: You know him, you love him, born Fódlan Year 1162 under another name. He’s the only kid that ended up getting the Crest of Riegan, and after one too many accidents where that crest ended up proccing, he’s been accused of practicing witchcraft like his mother. I think this would be a better like, concrete thing for the Almyrans to fixate on rather than a general “you’re half-Fódlan rahhh” and I think it would definitely go with Claude talking about how he was constantly fighting and explaining himself to get out of trouble.

If I’m going with the “kids can only inherit from the ruler of Almyra”, then I’m gonna have to figure out how Claude fits into this. His first move is to probably bullshit a loophole about how actually the Dukedom of Riegan doesn’t exist anymore and I may have destroyed Failnaught after the final battle so technically I didn’t really inherit anything that would give me an edge in Almyran politics. :). Ibrahim is pissed at Claude for going to Fódlan in the first place and getting caught up in a war and he definitely did not sign off on Nader bringing Almyran troops into a war that they have no business being involved in. The first thing Ibrahim does when Claude returns to Maragheh is shout at him and ground him to his apartment in the palace. And then proceed to assign Claude to a governmental post so that he’s out of his sight.

As an aside, I imagine that when Ibrahim dies and Claude rises to the throne, he deliberately delays his coronation so that it coincides with the Almyran New Year. It;s that kind of inconvenient dick move that he would delight in making bc symbolism.

You know what he looks like, in terms of food he strays away from sugary sweet stuff and towards meat and cheese. I’d like to think that he gains a genuine interest in gardening (like, beyond just cultivating poisonous plants as a cover for “gardening”) during his time in Fódlan and brings back different seedlings and scions for grafting back to Almyra. 

Mehmet and Rahimah: Twins, born Fódlan Year 1164. Ok so basically I kind of wanted a dead sibling that was around Cyril and Lysithea’s age for the Drama of it (bc I thought of Claude looking at Cyril and thinking of his brother and immediately went “That hurts. Let’s do it”). But I ALSO thought what if Claude had a little sister, and then I ALSO thought what if Claude has a new full-blooded sibling that got conceived during the five year war, like the shittiest surprise. I’ve combined all those ideas into the twins.

First of all, they have more function than personality. Mehmet only exists to die during the uprising, but I’m starting to like Rahimah bc like... she literally loses most of her brothers including her twin, and then Claude up and leaves her for Fódlan (a place she has little connection to, regardless of her mother). Her only remaining sibling is gone for years, misses seven birthdays, her wedding with an Almyran general, the birth of her first child and the announcement of her second... like, by the time Claude comes back to Almyra she hates his guts and you know what? She’s right! I imagine Rahimah angry, but also grasping for literally any kind of deep and long-lasting relationship at this point. She loves her kids fiercely, she loves her husband, and even though they have their struggles she's still very close to her mom. Fuck her no-show brother Khalid, and fuck Fódlan for taking him away from her.

No idea what Mehmet looks like, like I said he only exists to die. Rahimah is shorter than Claude at maybe 5′4, round-faced and carrying herself gracefully. She’s lactose intolerant but she bears the pain for the sake of eating ice cream, and her husband goes to great lengths to get the ice for her. Likes to sing and dance with her son Ömer.

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 5

Warnings: none

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @thunderintheshadows​

“So how did you end up here?” Salena asks, as they lounge on her back deck, sipping sparkling water infused with fresh fruit and enjoying the view and the sound of the ocean. With a steady wind blowing though, the waves are impressive, perfect surfing conditions.  Mac and Stanlee are asleep and curled up together in the sun while Declan is tucked tightly into the new neighbour’s side, comfortably napping with his head resting against her. “In Australia?”

 Esme settles back into her chair, Addie -awake and content- laying along her arm.  “My husband’s Australian.”

 “But how did you end up here? You’re obviously not from Oz.”

 “I’m actually a long way from home. Well, what used to be my home. I’m originally from Colorado.”

 “From the snow and the mountains to this,” Salena nods towards the ocean. “That’s quite the change in scenery.”

 “I’ll take this over the snow and mountains any day of the week. We used to live here. We actually met here. My husband used to live in Kimberley. We got married here, our oldest was born here. We used to live just outside of Sydney.”

 Salena gently combs her fingers through Declan’s hair. “And you moved back to the States?”

 “Because of work. My husband’s work.  He was contracted out a lot. Constantly travelling. So we thought it would be a good idea to be closer to my family, in case I ever needed something while he was out of town. He just thought it would be a good idea to have people close by. Just in case.”

 Her neighbour nods. “How did you two even meet? Colorado and Australia are pretty far apart. And on two completely different sides of the world.”

 “We were working for the same company and got contracted out to the same job.”  It’s a vague explanation, but it’s the truth.

 “What kind of company? Sorry!” she laughs, and Declan gives a small jump but doesn’t waken. “I’m not trying to be nosy. I’m just trying to get a read on you. You’re a hard person to read. Has anyone ever told you that?”

 “I may have heard it once or twice,” Esme admits. Or a dozen. A side effect of the job, she supposes. Years of pretending to be someone she wasn’t to get what she wanted ….and what others needed…out of people. Being herself had never been an option with Mark; he was too busy trying to tear her down and turn her into something and someone she wasn’t. It had taken a lot of work, and a phenomenal amount of patience, on Tyler’s part to get her to be herself -her true self- with him. In the same way she’d had to work long and hard at breaking all his walls down.

 “If it’s a trust thing…”

 “It’s not that. I mean it is,” Esme attempts to explain. “In a way. It’s not something that comes easily to me. The job I was in…the other people who were in it…it was complicated, and they were complicated. It’s engrained in me. Not connecting with people. Which is really sad and pathetic, I know.”

 “It doesn’t sound sad or pathetic,” Salena assures her. “It sounds like someone who’s used to getting hurt.”

 “That’s part of it, I guess. My ex-husband was a complete and utter dick. Abusive in every way you can imagine. When I got away from him, I swore I was done with men. That I’d never again trust one, let alone get married again. Well, I think it’s obvious that didn’t last.”

 Salena laughs at that.

 “It was private security,” her eyes are on the infant in her arms, a soft smile on her face as she uses a fingertip to push the thick, dark tresses off of Addie’s forehead. “What we were contracted out to do. That’s how we met. Through work.”

 It’s not that simple of course; it wasn’t as innocent as two people connecting at the water cooler or making eyes at one another across a meeting room. It is much more complicated. Twisted, even. But it’s definitely not the kind of love story to be telling the neighbour the first time you meet her. Not to mention Tyler would lose his mind if he found out she was telling a total stranger the details of their old life.

 “And you just sort of clicked, huh? That sounds cute. Kind of romantic, even.”

 Esme laughs. “It was far from cute or romantic. Let’s just say that lust was the driving influence and leave it that. He was pretty hard to resist. He still is.”  

 It makes her smile; that even after six years and five kids, even the simplest of kiss or look from him can still take her breath away.

 “So you ended up hooking up through work, got married, started off in Australia and ended up Colorado.”

 Esme nods and sips her drink. “Then he came into some money and was able to retire and we decided to come back here. We figured it was the best place to raise our family and grow old together. Somewhere quiet and fairly secluded. Safe.”

 “You guys have a hell of a spot, that’s for sure. Definitely perfect for a family. I remember when it went up for sale. I took a look at it but was way to big just for Stanny and I. Not to mention it was way out of my price range. But it’s an incredible place.”

 “We love it. It’s everything we could have possibly wanted.  Or even dreamed of having. I wish we’d come back sooner. It would have avoided a lot of drama and solved a lot of problems.”

 “Well what’s the saying? Hindsight is twenty twenty? No sense looking back. Just keeping looking forward. Mind you, it took me a long time to practice what I preach.  I didn’t make a lot of good decisions myself. With my personal life.”

 Esme moves the baby to her chest; pressing a kiss to her daughter’s temple before placing a palm on the back of her head for support, then gently guiding it down to her shoulder, other hand softly patting her on her diapered bum.  “Bad relationship?”

 “Same as you. Bad ex-husband. Mine wasn’t abusive, but he had addiction issues. I tried for three years to help him. But you can’t help anyone that won’t help themselves. No matter how much you love them and want to save them.”

 “Some people can’t be saved,” Esme reasons, and Salena nods in agreement. “I learned that the hard way. And I’m sorry you had to, too.”

 “It’s nice to find someone that ‘gets it’.  That knows what it’s like to live with someone like that. How it isn’t as easy to get away like most people think. Don’t they think we would if we could? Get the hell out? If it was that simple, wouldn’t we have left a long time ago?”

 “I would have left the second Mark started his shit.  The very first time he ever raised his hand to me. But I thought I loved him and that we were meant to be and all that other stupid shit we believe at first.  I thought I could help him and change him and that everything would be great. And the worse it got, the more I thought I could help. I guess I thought it made me a failure if I just gave up and walked away. Not to mention I have a mother that put that crap in my head but that’s besides the point.”

 “Are we sisters from another mister?” Salena gives a dry laugh. “Because our mothers sound one in the same.”

 “I can’t believe I actually thought he was a decent person at first. I mean, looking back at it? The signs were all there that he was a dick! But I was young, and I thought him being controlling and protective was just his way of showing he loves me. I was so goddamn stupid. It’s infuriating! Especially now that I know what real love feels like.”

 “And what does it feel like?”

 “It’s hard to describe. You just feel it. Every time they smile at you or they do something so unexpected and sweet for you. Or when you’re feeling gross and ugly and all you have to do is look at the way they’re looking at you. Or how they make you feel like you’re the most important person in their entire world. I know that sounds like a bunch of bullshit, and I always thought it was too. Until I actually started experiencing it.”

 She’s never thought about it before. All the things…big and small…that remind her every day that just how loved she is.  The soft forehead kisses or the ones to the temple. The tight, strong hugs that feels as if they’re capable of solving any problem.  Or how he always covers her up with a blanket if she manages a nap on the couch or outside in one of the recliners. How he’ll get up in the middle of the night even she is the feeding the baby; fetching her a snack and something to drink and then staying awake with her until Addie is ready for sleep again.

 It’s all the thing you don’t realize are happening until you sit back and take stock of them. Those tender moments that you’d never expect from a big, strong, and often intimidating man.

 “Well, you’re lucky,” Salena says. “Very lucky.”

 “I am,” Esme smiles. “I don’t think I realize it often enough. You sort of take it for granted.  That they’ll just be there doing these things.”

 “Until one day they’re not.”

 Esme nods. She’s already come close to that. Mere minutes from away from not having the life that she does now. Had the ending in Dhaka gone different, she would have been back in Colorado, alone, when she was expecting Millie. Her daughter would have never known her father, and none of the kids after her would even exist. And it’s a sobering thought.

 “I hope I get to experience it one day,” Salena muses. “That kind of love.”

 “I never thought I’d find it. I’d give up that decent men even existed. It happens when you least expect it, trust me. I did not take that job thinking I was going to meet my future husband. Or that I’d end up with five kids.”

 “Are you going to make it an even half dozen?”

 “Oh hell no,” Esme laughs. “We are done. We’ve closed up shop. Five is enough. And first, after the twins, we thought three was enough. Apparently, we changed our minds. Twice.”

 “I don’t know what your other kiddos look like, but this guy…” she smiles down at Declan. “…is a cutie pie. I could just sit here snuggling with him all day, I swear. What a cuddle bug.”

 “Well you’re more than welcome to borrow him from time to time. Because this momma needs a break some days.”

 “Anytime you need that break; you just send him this way. Because he is just too freaking precious.”

 “He probably needs a break too. He’s a little jealous of his baby sister. And his big sister and brothers like to torment him. They’re going to have to be careful. Because he’s going to be huge and strong and lay them all out one day.”

 “He’s definitely a big boy,” Salena agrees. “But so goddamn cute. I mean, look at those eyelashes. They go on for days.”

 “He gets those from daddy. All the kids have them.”

 “I used to run a day care,” she says.  “So I have the experience. I’m not joking when I say you can bring him here. He’d be in good hands.”

 “I may just take you up on that. It’s fine when my husband’s home because he doesn’t think twice about jumping in and doing it all himself.  These two alone can wear me out. Never mind when the other three aren’t in school.”

 “Well think about it. I’m more than willing to tame little man off your hands when you need me to.”

 “I will,” Esme promises. “Think about it.”

 Salena smiles, then leans down to press a kiss to Declan’s forehead. “I do I hope I find it one day. That love you’re talking about.”

 “You will,” Esme assures her. “When you’re not even looking for it.”

 ****

 It’s four thirty by the time they arrive home; covered in sweat and grime after a long day of working hard in the sun.  Ovi had fallen asleep only five minutes into the drive home; snoring lightly, head resting against his window. Now Tyler nudges him awake; gently, so as not to startle him enough to jump clear out of his skin. He’s been having sleep issues for years as well; night terrors, bouts of insomnia, easily frightened and startled if woken up too abruptly.  And he raises his head from the glass, blinking several times as he tries to orientate himself with his surroundings; a frown on his face, a hand rubbing at his stick neck.

 “What we talked about this morning,” Ovi begins, as he climbs out of the truck and follows Tyler around to the tailgate.  “About the whole job thing.”

 “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that anymore,” Tyler toes off his dirty work boots, dropping them into the bed of the pickup. “In fact…” he yanks his t-shirt over his head, using it to wipe the sweat from his forehead and the back of his neck. “…I thought I said we’re not talking about it again.”

 “I didn’t mean to upset you,” Ovi says in way of an apology. “Or bring up bad memories.”

 “Yeah? So why’d you even bring up then? Did you think I was going to be okay with it?”  There’s a gym bag with a change of clothes in the bed of the truck, and he pulls out a tank top and slips it on. Then steps out of his filthy cargos and climbs into a pair of board short. “You thought I’d say it was a good idea?”

 “I thought you’d at least listen,” Ovi admits.  “That you of all people would understand.”

 “Understand what?” Tyler gathers up the dirty clothes, bunching then and rolling them together before heading up the driveway. “That you’re a fucking idiot for even thinking about it?”

 “You thought about it once. You went into it.”

 “Yeah, because I was a fucking idiot.”

 “If you’d never gotten into the job, you never would have met Esme,” Ovi points out.

 “She has nothing to do with this. Don’t bring her into your bullshit.”

 “It kind of has everything to do with it. Without the job, there’d be no Esme. And without Esme, there’d be no kids, so…”

 “Don’t use my wife and my kids as an excuse for making a shitty ass decision. Don’t use them to justify something stupid. I’m one of the lucky ones. I managed to stay alive. I managed to get the hell out and have a normal life. Or whatever normal is. Do you know how many guys actually manage that? To survive? To get out and have a wife and kids?”

 Ovi shakes his head.

 “Ten percent. If that. And the ones who do get married and start having kids and are still in the job? Most are divorced. Most don’t ever see their kids. Why the hell would you want that for yourself?”

 “It would be a good opportunity.”

 He tosses the dirty work clothes into the laundry basket that sits next to the door that leads into the house. “A good opportunity for what? Getting shot in the fucking head?”

 “To prove myself.”

 “What the hell does going into the job prove? Other than you’re an idiot. I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation. There’s nothing to prove. You know what kind of guys go into the job? The ones who don’t have the fucking brains to do anything else. Or the ones who like to kill or get off on it. The ones who have nothing left to live for and don’t care if they catch a bullet or not.  I was that guy. That’s why I did it. Because I was too much of a coward to pull the trigger myself, so I figured why not just let someone else do it.”

 “And the money…”

 “Fuck the money. It was never really about that. That was just a bonus if I managed to survive. You are too good for this. For the job. Way too good. And you deserve more than that. A better life. Don’t get caught up in that bullshit. Don’t end up like me; fucked in the head. You think I want to be like this? Have these issues? Have to drug myself up every day just to function? You think this is how I want to live? I can’t go back and change things. I can’t take back all the ways I hurt my wife. All the lies I told her, the promises I never kept, the times I left her when she needed me the most. I fucked up. I should have left the job after Dhaka and never went back.”

 “But this time would be different,” Ovi insists. “We’d be working together. We’d be in charge.”

 “And what the hell do you know about the job? Other than what you saw in Dhaka. Name one thing you know about it that didn’t come from watching me.”

 “I don’t know…” Ovi shrugs, scratching at the back of his head.

 “You know shit about that job. Keep it that way.  It’s a horrible fucking life. Don’t do that yourself. And especially don’t do that to Chloe.”

 “She thinks it’s a good idea.  That it’s something I should try.”

 “Then you go back to Chloe and you tell her I said she’s just as stupid as you are.”

 “Where are you going?” Ovi asks, when Tyler opens the door to step inside the house. “We’re not done talking about this.”

 “Yeah, we are. Or at least I am. Now I’m going inside, and I’m going to kiss my wife and spend time with my kids. Don’t bring this up again.”

 And with that he disappears into the house, slamming the door behind him.

 ****

She’s on the back patio, pulling clean laundry from a massive wicker basket that sits on the ground beside her. Folding clothes of all sizes and neatly arranging them -according to person- on the table. And she looks up at him as he steps through the sliding door, flashing that smile that still manages to make him weak in the knees even six years later.

 “Hey,” she cheerfully greets. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t home until later. How did…?”

 Placing his hands on the sides of her face, he kisses her. Long, slow, and deep. Until she’s standing her tip toes and her body is leaning into his. He’d been dying to do it all day; since he conversation with his father. After he’d talked about just how lucky he was to have someone like her. Not just as his wife and the mother of his children, but as his best friend, partner, lover, and confidant. The one person in the world that knows all his deepest and darkest secrets yet never judges or condemns him for them.  Who he can be himself with, even at his weakest and most vulnerable.  Who knows what kind of fucked up mess he is and still sticks around, giving him chance after chance.

She gives a long sigh of approval when the moment ends, her forearms resting against his chest as she smiles up at him.  “Mmmm…what was that for?”

 He pushes his hands through her hair, letting them fall onto her shoulders and down her back, coming to rest on her hips. “I need a reason to kiss my wife?”

 “That wasn’t your usual ‘hey, I’m home’ kind of kiss. That was something entirely different. Kiss me like that again.”

 He obliges; hands tightening their grip on her and pulling her against him, her palms sliding up his chest and over his shoulders and settling at back of his neck as she eagerly returns the kiss. Giggling and pulling away when his hands slid down to her ass.

 “Okay…now that’s just wrong,” she scolds. “That is taking things way too far and you know it. Why do you insist on torturing me like this?”

 “Believe me, I’m torturing myself just as much.”

 “If you want to call two blow jobs in one night torture….”

 He grins, hands back on her hips as he presses a kiss to her forehead. “I thought I showed you how grateful I was. Twice. Or did you forget about that part? Me returning the favour?”

 “Oh trust me, you don’t forget orgasms like that. And can we stop talking about this? Because you smell so good right now and you’re all sweaty and dirty and just when I think my hormones cannot get any more out of control then they are already are…” she places her hands on his chest and tries to push him away; he’s all rock solid muscle and doesn’t even budge. “…you need to step back like ten feet before I just say to hell with what the doctor said and jump you right here.”

 “I probably wouldn’t stop you,” he admits, and then laughs when she reaches for the waist of his shorts. “But, it’s not a good idea.”

 “You’re the worst,” she pouts dramatically and returns to the laundry.

 “The absolute worst,” he agrees, and kisses her temple before journeying over to the bar fridge in the corner, taking out two bottles of water, uncapping both and handing one to her. “Where’s the kids?” he asks, as he drops into the chair across from her.

 “The baby is in her crib asleep and Chloe took the rest of your feral offspring down to the water.”

 “Chloe, huh?”

 “What’s the matter with Chloe?? You never had a problem with her watching the kids before. I thought you liked her.”

 Tyler shrugs. “I can take her or leave her.”

 “Well I think Ovi would appreciate a little more enthusiasm from you. Dd you he tell you that they’ve been looking at rings?”

 His eyes narrow, bottle of pressed against his lips. “What kind of rings?”

 “Engagement rings. I guess they’ve been talking. About the next step.”

 “He just turned twenty.”

 “I know,” Esme sighs. “But they’ve been talking about it. I told him that if he’s going to ask, they should make it a long engagement. Not to rush into actually getting married. I mean, they’re already living together so they’re getting the opportunity to see what marriage is like in a sense.”

 “Don’t encourage them.”

 “I’m not encouraging it. If he’s going to get her a ring, he’s going to do it regardless of what either of us say. It’s not we can tell him what to do.”

 Tyler scowls. “Why the hell not?”

 “Because he’s twenty years old, that’s why. He’s an adult.”

 “Barely.”

 “Regardless, he’s is a man now and he’s going to do what he wants. And apparently what he wants is to marry her. Hopefully later, rather than sooner. We can’t stop them, Tyler. It’s going to happen whether we think it’s a bad idea or not.”

 “It’s a fucking terrible idea,” he growls. “I know you like her, but…”

 “It’s not that I like her or dislike her. It’s that I love Ovi like he’s my own and I just want him to be happy. And if Chloe is who makes him happy…”

 “How does he even know?” Tyler challenges. “She’s like the second girl he’s ever been with for fuck sakes. How does he know there’s not someone out there that might make him even happier?”

 “You were only the third guy I’d ever been with and I knew you made me happy,” she points out.

 “That’s not the same thing and you know it.  We were both in our thirties when we met. We were old enough to know exactly what…and who…we wanted. He’s barely out of his teens and he wants to get married? Fuck that.”

 Esme smirks. “Is your problem with Chloe or marriage itself?”

 “If I had a problem with marriage do you think I would have even asked you? Or stuck around for six years? And if you even think of saying something like ‘you stick around for the kids’ I will lose my shit.”

 “Okay, you are getting a little too wound up. I meant it as a joke. I obviously know you haven’t stuck around just for the kids. Just like I already know this is about Chloe. Why’d you ever agree to let her move here with me if you didn’t like her?”

 “Because I knew he wouldn’t come with us if I didn’t.”

 “Because you want him to be happy, right?”

 “Of course I do. But I also wanted him where he belongs. With us. He wasn’t ready to live away from us and you know it. He’s still not. Yet you think it’s perfectly fine that he gets married?”

 “Tyler, I don’t want to fight about this.”

 “I’m not…” he sighs heavily, then lowers his voice and softens his tone. “…I’m not fighting. I just think it’s bullshit. It’s way too soon and he’s nowhere near ready for that kind of thing.”

 “Which…” she steps around to his side of the table, softly rubbing his shoulders before curling her arms around his neck and perching herself on his thigh. “…is why I told him if he does ask her, he needs to take the next part slow.  That he doesn’t need to rush things. That he should just enjoy being engaged and planning things. And he said he would. So…” she kisses his cheek. “…why are you so wound up over this?”

 “I’m not wound up.”

 “This bulging vein in the side of your neck…” she runs a fingertip down it. “….says you are wound up. What’s going on? All of a sudden you have a hate on for Chloe? I thought you liked her.”

 “I never said I liked her. I said I was okay with her. There’s a difference.”

 “Well can you at least rein it in a bit for tonight? Because I sort of…kind of…invited them for dinner and…”

 “Oh for fuck sake,” he grumbles.

 “…and I thought we could cook down on the beach. Nice and casual. Relaxed. And judging by the tension in your shoulders, you could use something casual and relaxed. Are you okay? This it not all about Ovi and Chloe.”

 “It’s just been a long day,” Tyler reasons. “A lot of hours out in the sun and I’m tired and sore and now I have to play nice with Ovi’s…whatever the hell she is.”

 “If you play nice for me, I will play nice for you. Later. When all of the kids are asleep.”

 He smirks. “Are you trying to bribe me?”

 “I don’t know. Does bribery work on you?”

 “You’ve used it before on me and it’s worked,” he points out. “You really do have all the power. You know exactly how to get what you want.”

 “Oh baby, you don’t know the full extent of my power,” she teases, and kisses him, her fingers combing through his hair, nails digging lightly into his scalp and dragging all the way down to the nape of his neck. “Are you okay? You seem a little…I don’t know…on edge.”

 “I’m fine. It was just a really long day. I’m tired, I stink…”

 “I like your stink,” she nestles her face into the side of his neck. “…and it’s not a stink. It’s just how you smell when you’ve been working hard. It’s…you.”

 “Fuck you’re weird.”

 “But you love me.”

 “Yeah,” he rubs her back. “I do. For some goddamn reason.”

 “Did it go that bad today? At your dad’s? I thought you would have said something when you first got home, and I didn’t want to pressure you into talking about.”

 “Things went fine. We got everything done we needed to.”

 “That’s not what I’m asking, and you know it. Did you actually talk to him?”

 Tyler nods.

 “And? How bad is he? The dementia?”

 “Well he told his nurse that I was his brother who died twenty years ago if that’s telling you anything.”

 “I’m sorry, baby,” she nuzzles her nose against his neck and softly strokes the hair at the back of his head. “I know we were told it was bad, but it’s still a blow to see it for yourself.”

 “I felt nothing. When I saw him. When I talked to him. I didn’t feel sad, I didn’t feel pity, I didn’t feel regret. I felt nothing.”   Fuck, it sounds horrible to his own ears. Has his own mental health actually come to this? That he’s become emotionally absent? That he just has nothing left to give anyone else? Is it really possible to be that empty inside and still be alive?  “How fucked up is that? How fucked up am I? That I felt nothing? What the hell is wrong with me?”

 “Nothing is wrong with you, Tyler.  You don’t owe him anything. Not after everything he put you through. What he put your mother through. You have nothing but pain and bad memories because of him. You’re not fucked up. You’re just…hurt.”

 “I didn’t even feel that. And I thought I would. Or that I’d be angry. And I wasn’t. I just sat there. I just sat there and talked to him and that was it.”

 “What did you talk about? Just regular stuff or…?”

 “A whole bunch of things. Us. The kids.  He seemed happy that we named the baby after my mum. That I finally did something right with my life in his eyes.”

 “You’ve done a lot right and you know. Just because he can’t see those things, doesn’t mean they never happened. You know what they are. I know what they are. That’s all that matters.”

 He nods in agreement.

 “And you can say you feel nothing, but I know you do. I know there’s a lot of anger there. And you have every right to feel that.  I just don’t want it destroying you. You don’t have to hold that in, you know. It’s okay to be pissed off. You had a shitty childhood. He made your life hell. No one will judge you for being angry.”

 “I just need to go in the gym and beat the shit out of the heavy bag for half an hour and I’ll be fine.”

 “Then do it,” she encourages, pecking his lips before tousling his hair and sliding off his lap. “If that’s what will make you feel better.”

 “Well there’s something else that would make feel even better than that, but we can’t do that yet, so…” he stands up and lays a hand on the side of her face, kissing her softly before drawing her into his arms once more; one hand on the back of her head, the other on the small of her back.  “Thank you.”

 “For what?”

 He drops a kiss on the top of her head and squeezes her tightly. “Everything.”

[layer-bloody-sun]

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OCS IMMEDIATELY. Also please rate them on a sale from 0 (not at all gremlin-like) to 10 (absolute gremlin bastard) thank u -Miserytheapprentice

For the sake of myself I won't talk about all of them but only the mains of my recent stories. The Layers are also out because there's 57 of them, I'll just keep Cana because I see you're into the Arcana 👀

So let's start with her ! Cana is a girl, my apprentice, her full real name is Darla Morgasdottir and she is Lucio's sister. She is very kind and protective, ready to put her life on the line (as shown during the plague). As one of the Layers she has some special abilities, in game this shows as her knowing what to do at certain times. Her Ego is named Déluge and he can control destiny.

•She is self aware in some realities/routes.

• Cana loves having friends and family around her, her cat familiar Coony is like half of her soul,

•Mélusine (@nimusicaltrash apprentice) is like a little sister to her !

Next up is Luard. He's my own Oc for my story The Traveller's Journey and the main character along with the next one. Luard us a demon from a race closest to human in appearance, so he possesses horns and pointy ears. He is very calm and composed, he has this sage aura surrounding him. He is loving and cares a lot about his family. Luard is a loving father,

• He crave peace and understanding between his people and humans.

• His purple eyes means he has affinity with thunder lightning, yet he's more proficient in fire magic

• His horns lacking ornaments other than very simplistic ones symbolise grief.

Ambre is the second MC of TTJ, she is a bright young woman looking for her father who instead fall upon Luard and they have to travel together. She is energetic and loves to learn, she has an open mind and easily adapts to new environments. She loves reading, learning, and talking.

• She is the daughter of the Hero and has an incredible magic potential

• Her favorite animals are foxes

• She does a 360° after meeting Luard

Orville is the dad of the MC of a new story of mine that still doesn't has a name (neither does the mc). He's a guardian watching over the forest that takes most of the small country they live in. He loves joking around and teasing his daughter. He's this crazy sage aura. He loves tending to the little creatures of the forest

• Orville isn't his real name, he forgot it, Mc's mother gave it to him

• He has scars from barbed wire on his head and neck from when hunters tried to take him down

• Mushrooms and tree bark are growing on him but he doesn't mind

Narish is from NoDol (D stylized), he's a police officer that is in charge of the case of recent murder plaguing the city. He's short tempered and snarly, only like coffee, stay cats and dogs, and sometimes people.

• Clinton Balagoire, his subordinate, is his only human friend

• Has an unhealthy obsession with the local weirdo

• once spend four days awake to catch a spider in his flat. He called in sick as well. He was not victorious.

Barchal, local weirdo and engineer, is an adept of teasing. Especially Narish. He's a creator that has done wonders for the city, and yet is the officer's main suspect in the murders. He's a workaholic fueled by coffee and sheer willpower

• Had a friend named Anthony that passed away soon after Barch open his workshop

• his library is full of books about deities and strange alchemy myths

• His workshop is so messy Allan once disappeared for days under piles of blueprints.

Allan is what could be called either a umonculus or a chimera, he is not human in the slightest and tends to frighten people by his appearance. He's a very sweet and the naive creature, always willing to help his 'father'. He loves playing around and helping Barchal.

• his favorite task is making coffee

• he can't speak nor make any kind of cries/sound

• He thinks Narish is funny

Jack is from Underground Wanderers, he seems to be a talking skull that also can use a little magic. He helps the Mc in exchange for finding his body as they climb the different levels. He's annoying and presumptuous, sees himself as some kind of superior being and is a real dick. Despite all that he also has a softer side he shows Mc after a while. Deep down he cares and enjoy her company.

• May have made him a hot human for the ending

• Uses magic through singing. Dislike any remark comparing him to bards

• Came here to become a 'Caretaker' yet can't remember where he came from of when exactly he came here

Cleïa is the Mc mentioned above, she is very sweet and shy, she got trapped underground because of a haunted house trip that turned sour. She's frightened easily and doesn't like people much, probably has anxiety problems but it never got checked out. She loves reading, resting, and write everything that happens in a notebook

• Always has a satchel but it's filled with useless stuff

• Slapped Jack the first time because he scared her

• Where does the bandage on her cheek comes from ? Who knows, not me

Taya is from Blurred memories, she's an energetic young woman that lives with her brother but longs for adventure. She can't stay in place and tries to get stuff done all the time. She loves stories and myths and want to learn always more about everything around the world

• proficient in water magic

• is forbidden near any alcohol

• Has mismatched eyes

Oliver is her big brother (but Hezekiel is the oldest of the family). He is composed and calm, very mature and civil. The epitome of a gentleman. He owns a bar in the human part of their world and tries to slowly change the reputation of witches. He loves a good cup of tea and a nice book, as well as naps.

• can be too strict but cares deeply

• his best friend is the reason for a creepy legend and is basically a living cryptide.

• his the Guardian of the youngest prince but doesn't do his work right because he doesn't care.

Tad is a young man the same age as Taya, he's the third prince of the witches and tries to be like Oliver who he fancies. He's shy and clumsy but does his best in everything he does. He's hard working, just not talented. He loves the sea and spending time with his friends

• Has a sea shells collection

• Has three perfectly aligned beauty marks on his right cheek

• Did a power move once and started getting more secure about himself since (it'd be a spoiler sorry)

Bäriste is a Demon under the form of a late teenager girl (19) that comes from my story It Started Before Us. She's an adept of sarcasm and tease, loving to just mess with people and their lives. She can be a bitch and is detached from emotions in general

• It's her last reincarnation so she's making the most of it

• Her hair split in the middle on each side and gets darker and horn-like

• Has a necklace she never takes off

Last but not least, Gayl is a werewolf, also 19, attending the same school as Bäriste. He acts cool and mysterious but is actually socially awkward and dislikes people in general. He loves peace and quiet, which he never gets at home since he has a very big family. He loves them a lot too tho.

• Fall in love of Bäriste on sight, to his latter utmost horror.

• he wears glasses which is ironic since werewolves have good eyesight. He's the only one in his family

• His best pal is a vampire that tried to feed off Bäriste and would have been killed if Gayl hadn't intervene by accident.

Gremlin scale :

Cana : 5

Luard : 0/1

Ambre : 3

Orville : 6

Narish : 2

Barchal : 8

Allan : 0

Jack : 3

Cleïa : 8

Taya : 10

Oliver : 0

Tad : 2

Bäriste : 10

Gayl : 0-5

There, if u want more about them tell me, or if you want to hear about other ocs or even the Layers...just hmu 👀

[thecloserkin]

book review: E.L. Konigsburg, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frakenweiler (1967)

Genre: children’s literature

Is it the main pairing: yes

Is it canon: n/a

Is it explicit: n/a

Is it endgame: n/a

Is it shippable: yes

Bottom line: ‘sup i’m here to retroactively ruin your childhoods by excavating aaaaallll the incestuous subtext

“Two middle schoolers run away to New York City and live in the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a week” is a premise that would never fly in our present surveillance panopticon. It works just fine in the sixties though! This is a well-nigh perfect book and I didn’t reread it on account of the incest subtext, but once I had reread it it was impossible not to ship (and when I say ship I mean aged-up characters since these are prepubescent). Elder sister Claudia is a dreamer. Little brother Jamie is practical to a fault. They complement each other like peanut butter and jelly. Here is a typical exchange between them:

”But if we make a real discovery, I’ll know how to go back to Greenwich.” “You take the New Haven, silly. Same way as we got here.” “That’s not what I meant. I want to know how to go back to Greenwich different.” “You can take a subway to 125th Street and then take the train.”

Amazing, right? Initially she’s trying to Prove a Point by running away because she feels under-appreciated at home—props to E.L. Konigsburg who was unabashedly out here agitating for Eldest Daughter Rights:

Claudia was the oldest child and only girl and was subject to a lot of injustice.

Of all her brothers she picks Jamie to accompany her because he’s got the most money squirreled away. That moment when she singles him out still kills me:

Claudia sighed, “I don’t want Steve. Steve is one of the things in my life that I’m running away from. I want you.”

I DON’T WANT STEVE I WANT YOU. If we flash forward to halfway through the novel, by which time a period of sustained teamwork has forged Claudia and Jamie into a single unit:

What happened was: they became a team, a family of two … You might call it caring. You might even call it love. And it is very rarely, indeed, that it happens to two people at the same time—especially a brother and sister who had always spent more time with activities than they had with each other.

This passage establishes conclusively that Claudia and Jamie weren’t especially close before they ran away from home, that this adventure has changed them, and isn’t that what falling in love is, stripped down to the very kernel of its essence? You undergo a transformation. Which is why I’m arguing for a submerged courtship-and-marriage narrative beneath the surface narrative of “kids just want to have autonomy and be taken seriously” (it’s still a superb book even if you just read it on that level though!!! you don’t have to be wearing shipper goggles to enjoy it).

One of the great joys of this book is Jamie’s deadpan humor. This is him after Claudia explains they’ll be stashing a few changes of clothes in their empty instrument cases:

“All in a trumpet case? I should have taken up the bass fiddle.”

Claudia plans their getaway in excruciating detail, and from start to finish it goes off without a hitch—although when she told him to “destroy” the note she wrote, she probably didn’t expect him to swallow it lmao. Watching Jamie be dramatic is fun because he never does it out of an excess of feeling, he does it out of an excess of caution (later on he nearly batters a door down because he’s convinced Claudia is slitting her wrists in the bathtub). Jamie’s sense of humor is most effective when Claudia and Jamie are bickering like an old married couple:

”How come you didn’t take art appreciation lessons with me the summer before last?” “Well, the summer before last I had just finished first grade…It was all I could do to sound out the name of Dick and Jane’s dog.”

Let’s just take a minute to appreciate how on-point this sibling banter is. They find a candy bar on the floor, still sealed in its wrapper:

Claudia: ”Was it bitten into?”

Jamie: “No. Want half?”

Claudia: “You better not touch it, it’s probably poisoned or filled with marijuana.”

Here’s when he picked which wing of the museum to visit with the express aim of boring her:

Many painters of the Renaissance had painted huge billowy, bosomy naked ladies. She was amazed at Jamie; she thought he was too young for that. He was. She never even considered the possibility that he wanted her to be bored.

Tfw when your dumbass younger sibling does something that makes you want to throttle them:

It caused Claudia to want to embalm Jamie in a vat of mummy fluid right that minute. That would teach him inconspicuous.

Among the shenanigans they get up to while living at the Met, the time when these two INVENTED TELEPATHY to avoid getting busted by museum security has got to take the motherfucking cake. Runner-up is the fact they call each other “Sir James” and “Lady Claudia” on the way to the commissary to purchase potato chips for dinner. Then there’s the iconic bathing-in-the-wishing-fountain scene—it’s the next best thing to sharing a bath right? If this were a romance novel there would come the pivotal moment when feelings are confessed to and this is it:

”I didn’t run away to come home the same.” “Well, this has been more fun than camp. Even the food’s been better.” “But Jamie, it’s not enough.” “Yeah, I know it’s not enough. I’m hungry all the time.” “I mean the difference is not enough. Like being born with perfect pitch…or getting the Academy Award. Those are differences that will last a lifetime.” ”I think you’re different already, Claude.” “Do you?” “Yes. We’re all sane, you’re insane.” “James Kincaid!” “Ok ok I’m insane, too. I’ll go along with you.”

Note that Jamie does not disavow his prior claim—Claudia is insane, no two ways about it—but he’s willing to throw in the towel on the whole “being sane” project merely to keep her company. If that isn’t true love I don’t know what is. I just. Can’t get over how they are SO MARRIED and know each other SO WELL:

”You know, Claude, when I’m not wishing I could give you a sock right in the nose, I’m glad you’re on my team. You’re smart even if you’re hard to live with.”

”Jamie, you know, you could go clear around the world and still come home wondering if the tuna fish sandwiches at Chock Full O’Nuts still cost thirty-five cents.”

”You’re never satisfied, Claude. If you get all A’s, you wonder where are the pluses. You start out just running away, and you end up wanting to know everything.”

Yes, Claude is his pet nickname for her and he kind of employs it to annoy her but at the same time, nobody else calls her that do they?? He’s the only one. Just like he’s the only one who gets her. ”We’re the only two people in the whole world who live with it,” says Jamie, referring to a new exhibit they’ve grown attached to, but he could just have easily been referring to this entire scheme of Claudia’s that landed them in the museum in the first place.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

The mystery of the new exhibit, a cupid statue of uncertain provenance, eventually drives the kids to call on the eccentric old lady who donated it from her own personal collection, the eponymous Mrs. Frankeweiler. But first a word about why Claudia is so bloody-minded about getting the dirt on this statue, which may or may not have been carved by Michelangelo. “Finding a secret can make everything else unimportant,” and Claudia is above all someone who relishes the hoarding of secrets. Discovering proof of the statue’s authenticity would enable her to go home the same on the outside but profoundly changed on the inside. If we’re diagramming this story Claudia’s lowest point is definitely when their funds are nearly depleted and they’ve exhausted every avenue of inquiry wrt the statue:

Jamie let her cry for a while. He sat there and fidgeted and counted the number of benches. She still cried; he counted the number of people on the benches. She was still at it; he calculated the number of people per bench.

So Jamie is absolutely useless at dealing with her emotional outburst but he readily acquiesces to spending the last of their money on a taxi to Mrs. Frankenweiler’s house. This is kind of a big deal for Jamie, considering we have him on record saying this:

”I haven’t been a tightwad all my life, have I?” “As long as I’ve known you.” “Well, you’ve known me as long as I’ve known me.”

That’s the sound of me screeching loud enough to bring down the roof. First of all did you notice that for Jamie “being alive” is synonymous with “knowing Claudia”!!! Second, he’s been vetoing Claudia’s motions to take taxis instead of buses/trains for …the entire book up to this point!!! And he says yes to this hail-mary pass in the form of Mrs. Frankenweiler because he knows Claudia needs the truth more than he needs the money. He goes along with it to please her, even if it goes against his most basic instincts. And that’s Jamie Kincaid in a nutshell: he’ll follow his sister anywhere.

The reason I want to dwell on Claudia’s fetish for keeping secrets is because it strongly supports my “submerged romance narrative” reading of the novel:

Claudia doesn’t want adventure. She likes baths and feeling comfortable too much for that kind of thing. Secrets are the kind of adventure she needs … That was why planning the runaway had been such fun; it was a secret. And hiding in the museum had been a secret. But they weren’t permanent.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A PERMANENT, falling in love with your brother now there’s a secret you’d have to no choice but to take to your grave JUST SAYIN CLAUDIA. Like, yes they figure out the “truth” about the stupid statue but it’s the way they figure it out that matters, it’s Jamie inadvertently supplying the missing piece of the puzzle because as smart as Claudia is, as much as she’s 100% in the driver’s seat of this marriage partnership she couldn’t have done it without him. And the way it ends!! So open-ended!! So much scope for shipping!!! They resolve to adopt this lonely old lady since they’ve lost their own grandma(s), and to take day trips to visit her, and to keep any future visits secret from their parents too. What I love about Mrs. Frankenweiler as a character is that she’s the friend that Claudia and Jamie both desperately need. It’s instantly obvious why her and Claudia are kindred spirits; she susses out Claudia’s motives with little trouble:

”Because you found that running away from home didn’t make a real difference? You were still the same Greenwich Claudia, planning and washing and keeping things in order?”

What’s less immediately obvious is why Mrs. Frankeweiler and Jamie would get along like a house on fire:

”You won it at cards?” I could see the admiration grow in Jamie’s eyes.

Jamie, an inveterate cardsharp, is duly impressed. Mrs. Frankenweiler displays wily strategic thinking by extracting information from Jamie while Claudia’s in the bath, which devastates Claudia because she knows information is the only coin they possess to bargain with, but poor Jamie is like IN MY DEFENSE I HAVEN’T TALKED TO ANYONE ELSE FOR A WEEK AND I FORGOT HOW TO KEEP A SECRET. This is so sweet that these kids have not spoken above three sentences to another soul since they ran away from home. Their unplanned sleepover at Mrs. Frankenweiler’s also yields the funniest exchange in the entire fucking book, which goes like this:

Claudia wanted very much to let us know that she was annoyed and why. She acted cool. I pretended I didn’t notice. Jamie didn’t pretend; he simply did not notice.

“I’ll skip the soup,” Claudia announced.

“It’s good,” Jamie said. “Sure you don’t want to try it?”

I am DEAD and GONE. Claudia is subtly snubbing Mrs. Frankenweiler, but subtlety simply does not register for Jamie who operates entirely on a surface-meaning level. So he does what he does best (other than cheating at cards) which is urge Claudia to eat delicious food. He’s constantly thinking about food and whining about how hungry he is. But here he’s coming from a place of “this soup is lit, I care about Claudia so I want her to enjoy it too.” I love this scene sfm because it’s a harbinger of their future: Jamie’s totally the type to walk around obliviously in love with Claudia because as we’ve established he’s incapable of ascribing non-literal meanings to things, and she’ll have to clobber him over the head with the truth and it will be glorious. For those of us who ship incest because we like the idea of “secret” knowledge or a “hidden” text that only we have access to, this is it: This book is pretty much perfect.

While we’re here allow me to rec this pitch-perfect futurefic (11k words) chronicling Claudia and Jamie’s further adventures after they go home. It’s not shipfic but it’s startlingly in-character—even the authorial voice reads like Konigsburg’s—and since canon itself is a trove of shippy content, i’m a happy customer. This is Jamie’s BFF Bruce (the one he regularly cheats at cards): “Look, Jamie, am I your best friend or not? Or is it your stupid sister?” “SHE’S NOT STUPID!”

[casuallokilove]

Broken Dreams (5 Seconds of Summer Royal AU)

Summary: This fanfic is based in the 21st century, but countries are controlled and ruled by royalty like it use to be, so yah! Ashton is soon to become King of Australia, and is still to marry. What Ashton does not know, he is already betrothed to a princess, and he nor she, have a say in the matter.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1:

Ashton had only just come home from being out with his friends, and had no idea what was going to be approaching him once he had just settled onto his bed on top of the expensive quilts. His dyed red hair was a slight mess of curls on his head as he shrugged off his jacket, lying back on the bed with his legs hanging over the edge. 

He groaned as he heard his mother call for him, her voice echoing throughout the halls of the large palace that he called home. He stood back up from the bed and trudged his way down the stairs to the large living area. 

Now Ashton isn’t exactly a bad person, but he had gone his whole life thinking that he wouldn’t have to be king, or that it wouldn’t be happening any time soon, and he had taken advantage of that knowledge, and as soon as he was old enough to drink and go clubbing, he did, and since that day, he partied and drank nearly every couple of days, making the most of his time of freedom before having to find a wife. 

He got downstairs and saw his mum, Queen Anne-Marie of Australia, was stood there in front of him, his tired hazel eyes training down to the coffee table where there was magazines spread out across, a lot of them with some sort of obscene picture or headline was plastered on them. He slumped down onto the sofa, picking up one of them, a smirk replacing his frown as he looked at the image, the image showing Ashton getting into his limo with his arms around two models as he was entering. 

His mum grabbed the magazine from his hands and threw it down onto the coffee table, glaring at her son as she shook her head. 

“Ashton, not the time. Now I have to talk to you about something of great importance.” She began as she sat on the sofa opposite him, folding her hands in her lap as she glared at her oldest son. Ashton rolled his eyes and lent back onto the sofa, his arms spread out across the back of the expensive fabric, and he looked at his mum, waiting for her to carry on. “Your step father is going to be abdicating the throne before the year is out....and you will be taking over his place.” She watched him with expectant eyes as she sighed. Ashton had never known who his father actually was, and he didn’t want to know him. His mother had then remarried within the year of his father leaving so she could keep the throne in her bloodline. 

Ashton raised his eyebrow at her, waiting for her to then carry in with the news. “And as you may know, you cannot take the throne without having a wife to bare children for you. And as you are to take the throne so soon, you must marry before your step father steps down...and we must fix the image that the public has of you.” Ashton was completely speechless as he looked at his mum, his eyes nearly popping out of his head at the news. 

“Wait but mum, I thought I wouldn’t have to be king until later in life. I’m too young to be king. And how am I supposed to find a wife and fall in love in that short of time...this is so fucking stupid.” His voice was slightly raised in annoyance and he threw his hands in the air on the word fucking, as his mum now raised her eyebrows.

“And fixing your image means no more parties, so more alcohol, no more girls, and no more swearing.” Ashton huffed as he looked down at the magazines on the table, his hands landing on one end of the oak wood with a loud bang and he sweeped his hands across the table, the magazines flying to the floor with numb thuds, making his poor mother slightly flinch at the noise. “Ashton this all starts now. You are permitted to no more than one alcoholic drink a day, and I swear if you are seen out with any other females apart from me, Lauren or your future wife, then there will be consequences.” She finished as she sighed, not wanting to tell him the last piece of news “And your wife must be of royal blood.”

“But the wife aspect of all of this...who? And how?” He asked as he was now pacing back and forth in anger and frustration. 

“I’m sorry Ashton sweetie, I never told you when you were younger....but your already betrothed to a princess.” She spoke, not wanting to look up at him. “She is a well loved Princess, and she has been promised to you since her birth twenty years ago.” She told him and Ashton stopped, his hands now hanging by his side as he just looked at his mum, shrugging his shoulders.

“And who is this princess?” He asked, now crossing his arms. At least this would make his life a whole lot easier so he wouldn’t have to go around meeting a whole load of royal snotty princesses. 

“Her name is Ruth. Princess Ruth of England.

Meanwhile in England

Ruth sighed as she put her phone down and looked across at Bri. Bri had been her lady-in-waiting and best friend since they were 16, so for four years now since Ruth had chosen Bri to come across to Britain. Ruth shook her head as she groaned gently after seeing another headline about Prince Ashton of Australia.

“Ugh Bri he is an arse whole. I wish that country luck when he becomes King in the future, because he won’t know the first thing about being responsible.” She spoke as she ran a hand through her ombre hair, looking up at the ceiling. She could hear Bri laugh at her as she was lying on the other side of the bed, just looking at the news article with Ruth.

“Yeh but Roo...you have to admit he is hot. Also have you seen his friends that he hangs around with. Their all as good looking as each other.” Ruth shook her head as she laughed.

“Yeh he’s a hot dick head. And his friends are just idiots. All they do is party, drink and take advantage of women who throw themselves at their feet because they are connected to royals. I feel so sorry for his future wife.” She shot up from her spot lying down when she heard a knock on the door. “Come in!” She called and both her mother and father entered, her mother looking hopeful and her father looking rather sad. 

“Bri, darling would you mind giving us 5 minutes with Ruth?” Her mother asked as Bri nodded her head, giving a small curtsy and left the room after giving Ruth a smile and shut the door behind her. 

Ruth looked at her mum who came and sat down beside her and her father stayed standing. Ruth couldn’t help but feel that something was off and that there was some important news being delivered to her. 

“Now Ruth we have some news for you” Her mum began as she took her youngest daughters hands in hers. Her mother was a kind woman with a good heart and was an amazing Queen who ruled fairly along side her father, but her mum was blunt and to the point, and wasn’t great when it came to talking heart to heart. 

Her father was a very fair and kind man with a huge heart and always out others in front of him, wanting to make others happy before him, but also understood that royal duties came before personal matters. 

That was Ruth’s entire life. She knew that she would never be Queen as her brother would be King once her father either stepped down or passed away, and she also had her older sister of whom would become Queen and get a husband to be King if there wasn’t her brother to take the throne. An air and a spare as people called it. Ruth was just to be married off and used as a bargaining chip in royal duties. And that’s what this was all about.

“Now Ruth...” her mum began, smiling at her “As you know, you are one day to be married. But there is one thing we never told you...” Ruth looked at her mum, her mind running a thousand miles an hour as she looked at the older woman. She was hoping her mother wouldn’t tell what she was thinking she would tell her. “Your hand in marriage has already been promised to a prince since your birth. And the time has now come for you to meet your betrothed...and you must be married before the year is out.” Her mother finished.

Ruth just sat there, completely speechless. “But mother...I cannot marry somebody if I do not love them.” That was one thing Ruth had always wanted, was to marry somebody she loved, and hoped that even though she had spent her whole life to serve her parents and the kingdom, she was hoping she would at least love the one she would marry. 

“Ruth you knew this. You have always known that you wouldn’t have a say who you marry. You have always been the face of the family, and now you must carry this on.” Her mother’s voice was steely as she spoke, not much emotion at all. The young female could feel tears springing to her eyes as she shook her head.

“Father, dad, please...tell her. I have always done what has been best for the kingdom, I have never stepped a food out of line. Please. I cannot marry somebody who I don’t love. No. I won’t do it.” She spoke as she was now standing, anger coursing through her veins

“Ruth you do not have a choice in the matter. You have been promised to somebody your entire life, and it is final. You have two days to prepare yourself, and you can take one friend. There is no saying no to this. It is your duty, and you will do this, even if you have to be dragged onto the plane.” Ruth was now pacing, biting on her acrylic nails as she could feel her heart in her throat. 

“Do I at least get to know my future husband?” She asked and turned to her mother, now just feeling pure betrayal.

“His name is Prince Ashton of Australia, and he is to be crowned King of Australia before the year is to end, so you will be married before then. I know this is a lot my love, but I know you can do this. I know you will take this in your stride like you always do.” Her mother finished and stood from Ruth’s bed, giving Ruth a kiss on the head and left the room. The worst part was her father didn’t say anything to her, he just left the room without a word, letting Bri back in as Ruth collapsed on the floor, silent tears falling from her eyes as she let the news sink in.

“Ruth...I was listening through the door...” Spoke Bri, as Ruth just shook her head as she could feel her heart breaking.

“Bri will you come with me...I can’t go without you.” Ruth said and looked up at Bri through tears, seeing Bri nod her head.

“When do we leave?” Asked Bri as Ruth stood up and sat down on the bed.

“I leave in less than 48 hours....for Australia.” Ruth told her, seeing Bri seem to add the puzzle pieces together in her head.

“Wait Australia...King...your marrying Prince Ashton...” Ruth looked up at Bri and nodded her head.

“I’m going to kill my future husband before we can even get married.” Ruth said, a small smile forming on her lips as she stood up from her bed “Help me pack?”

[finderskeepersff]

36. Part 2

I feel like a millions dollars, Cassius just put a down payment on my car. Like that car is mine, it is my car. I can’t ask for more in life because Cassius is giving it me all, I feel so emotional. I am most happy that I am having a son, I feel like being the oldest girl I struggled a lot, I would love my son to grow up and protect his younger siblings, I know our child will have the strength of Cassius and I, I am just so happy and so overwhelmed with how much life has blessed me “once the car is fully made and done, just call my number and I will bring the rest of the money. Bring an accountant I do have this money around” Cassius using the accountant card again “understandable sir, I will be in contact and thank you for choosing Land Rover, when the car arrives and you’re not happy, call me personally and I will get something sorted for you” Adam shook Cassius hand, he knows my man has got money and can’t stop kissing his ass “thank you” Cassius looked at me “let’s go” getting up from the chair “nice meeting you Sofia” Adam got his hand out to me, I been noticing this white guy been checking me out, I know Cassius would have noticed it too but chooses to ignore it “same” walking to Cassius and grabbing his arm, I am so happy “Cassius I can’t thank you enough, like you are the best. You’re going to make me cry” I feel so emotional now, I am so blessed with this man “I want to take a selfie with you” digging into my bag “why?” Cassius said as he opened the front door and then held it open for me “because it’s a big thing today,” grabbing my phone “come here” Cassius pulled a face “do I have too? It’s not the right time” look at him saying that “hi, can you just take a picture of us” Cassius scoffed “how you going to get random people to do this?” the lady took my phone “thank you” I said “it’s ok” she smiled at me “we just found out we are having a boy” I gushed, standing next to Cassius “congratulations!” she said, Cassius placed his hand on my stomach as she took the picture, he better have smiled.

 Cassius unlocked the car door for us “Cassius” walking in front of him “yeah?” grabbing his face and getting on my tiptoes “thank you so much!!” Pressing a kiss to his lips “thank you, thank you” kissing his face as I did so, Cassius laughed “it’s ok, don’t be like that. I wanted to get it you before. This was you being stubborn” he pointed at me saying “I have learnt my lesson about opening my mouth, trust me” I will never say no to when Cassius wants to spoil me “you can still open your mouth though, on this dick. At least use your hand” I sniggered looking out of the car window “you cannot do that to me” Cassius touched my arm, turning to look at him. I was going to say something but Cassius phone rang “woohoo” I cheered “I ain’t forget” he answered the call as he drove out of the dealer ship, let me look at the picture the lady took earlier “I am so happy for you Cassius, congratulations Cassius! My baby boy is having a boy, my heart is so full. I have told your dad and he said he is happy for you. He said he hopes he is just like you, first time your dad has had anything good to say. Awww Cassius, you’re having a boy” Monique is so happy, the picture is so cute and Cassius is smiling too “thank you mom, it chokes me up. It’s something I didn’t think I would see or even have, I can now teach my son things I always wanted to do. He is going to be so blessed and I am happy I can give him that, I pray I am here to have many more kids with Sofia but I am happy mom. I get to have a bloodline” smiling at Cassius, he is really appreciating life right now. I have to post this, I am just so happy right now. “Cassius you deserve it, Sofia and you both do. Have your own family but you need to give that girl some rest” my eyes bulged out and I froze mid-caption “what you mean mom? Rest? She is lazy, I cooked last night!” Cassius spat “she told me, you wanted sex that is why. She is tired” I want the seat to swallow me up, let me finish the caption quickly. “wow, Sofia. You told my mom?” hiding my face “oh baby you are there, no Cassius. I was asking why she is tired and she said it. I think it came out of her mouth” Monique had to say it “mom, I spoil Sofia so much. I don’t make her tired. She was angry last night because I said no to a car but guess what? She got a car today” he has a point “I was annoyed with that” I admitted, that is my fault.

 Monique had to open her mouth “wow, I don’t like snitches” opening the car door, let me just ignore Cassius “home sweet home” I said ignoring what he said “home sweet home my ass, I see you and my mom becoming a team. I ain’t about to have a team against me now” Cassius said behind me, feeling Cassius wrap his arms around my shoulders which stopped me walking any further “I was annoyed, you was having sex with me and then you said no car for no reason and then laughed, I got annoyed. And then I was tired, I won’t snitch again” I don’t know who’s sex drive has increased, mine or his “if you wasn’t pregnant I would have put you over my shoulder but I have to be good” I grinned “my son is already saving his mother” Cassius lightly bit my earlobe “stop!” I spat laughing “you’re a dog” I said through my giggle as he humped me “y’all some feigns!!!” hearing Myles say, Cassius soon stopped “oh god, not y’all. Ruining my sex time, what you all want?” turning around seeing Amira, Isabella and Myles “well we found out it’s a boy, we bought cake!!” Myles shouted from the gate, Cassius looked at me “you told everyone?” he said “I got excited, they all cared and wanted to know” Cassius kissed his teeth “I want sex” he pointed at me before walking to the gate, he is something else.

 Cassius keeps on pulling faces at me, he is not happy but he is acting like I invited them. I giggled looking away from him “Sofia, this baby going to have your nose, look at him. He is so precious!” Amira passed me the scan picture back “thank you, Cassius said the same thing. I am happy, it’s just a blessing to me. We both decided to call him Cartier Cassius Warren, it’s postive vibes” I said smiling down at the scan picture “awww Sofia, like that is beautiful. To see you both so happy, the baby arriving soon. I know Kyle is excited, I think he will be happy once this club thing is over with. When I told Kyle he goes Cassius is having a young king” everyone knows now “I know, I want my son to be just like his dad. Loving, resepectful, knows how to treat a woman. Cassius is perfect to me and I want that for our son” look at me saying nice things and Cassius is moody about sex “Cassius is ok!” Myles waved me off “no, Cassius is cute and loving” I gushed “that’s because he is in love, it’s cute and I love it” Myles said, Cassius shook his head at me smiling. It’s like he doesn’t want to say he is cute.

 “You really didn’t need to get me a cake, you really didn’t need too at all” I said to Amira as I opened the box “oh girl, I am so happy for you, it’s an exciting moment for you both. It was actually Kyle, I’m like nigga, this is not your baby” pulling the cake out of the bed box “it’s a boy” I read out the text on the cake “thank you so much” walking over to Amira with my arms open “it’s ok girl” hugging Amira “and you Isabella, thank you!” Waving at her, she is so quiet “come, let’s cut some” waving Amira over “don’t mind if I do, I love your whole home though. I was saying it to Kyle, design my home bitch” I laughed “well I can if you would like, I wanted to ask. How are you? You know with everything going on? The club? Is that even something you wanted?” I never really see Amira now “honest? I don’t mind, if it keeps the boys not in trouble I would do it, I hate to see Kyle upset when it comes to Cassius. Kyle adores Cassius so much, either I do it and it’s less hassle or Kyle does it and it will be a mess. So I don’t mind it, my uncle has money and the police do not know me with being with Kyle so it’s fine. I told my uncle and said if anyone asks, you helped me. It will work out, keeps our men out of trouble, you know” Amira has a point “I care for them both, and don’t mind Isabella. She is stressed. Not only is her and Myles struggling and she’s had some news about her not being able to conceive” I gasped “oh no” Placing my hand over my mouth “so yeah, it’s not been good for her so she is happy but sad too” that is awful “there must be someway?” Amira shrugged “hopefully” that is terrible.

 I groaned out, this cake is delicious “we will be doing a baby shower, Mia said we are but it may be in back in New York, if you are all ok to come. My friends want to do it” I didn’t even mention this to Cassius “we ain’t going there” Cassius said without even looking my way “sure Cassius, if you want your dick sucked tonight I suggest you change your mind” breaking some of the cake with my fork “wow” Cassius said, I shrugged. He pushed me there, he pushed me to say that “it’s not that Sofia, I just don’t think that place is safe for me, for us. You know” I do forget “but it will be for me, they will see I am pregnant. But like my friends are there Cassius, and the bit of family that like me, you know” I feel deflated now “see what happens Sofia, all I can say is that. I am sorry” he apologised “Cassius says sorry now? Wow he is wanting that head” Myles said, Cassius straight punched his arm “I told you, my baby has manners to me. He got me a car too” I grinned at Cassius “wow, you under the thumb!! What car?” Myles asked “a new Range Rover, fit for the mother of his child” Myles smiled at me “you both spoil each other, it’s beautiful to see. I ain’t ever seen love in person. But I have now” I cringed at Myles saying that because it’s nice but Isabella, I mean what the fuck. Amira’ eyes near bulged out “anyways, I think we need to leave them both alone. They have had an eventful day” Amira announced.

 Watching Cassius run across the floor and jumped over the couch and towards me, watching Cassius with my arms across my chest shaking my head “Thor awaits his prize” he stopped right in front of me “I am tired” I smirked at him “nah, you playing!” he spat, I giggled turning around. I shrugged not saying a word, I love teasing him. Walking around the couch and towards the stairs “come on then, you can rub my feet while I sleep” I said, hearing his footsteps behind me “I’ll suck your toes, if you know. Let me stick my tip in” I sniggered “do you think Cartier wants your pencil tip inside of me?” I laughed at my own joke “Sofia, that is rude. Cartier don’t mind, like Sofia. I find you so sexy, like I ain’t even turned off at all. I am more turned on then anything, you beautiful and smart” I swear to god he is making me giggle “your pussy got power Sofia, like I just need you. Come on” walking up the steps “but I am tired” I joked with him “ok, after sleep?” he is so sweet “perhaps” I am being such an ass, like we have sex anyways but I ain’t been giving him head because he has been annoying my life with the car thing. Turning to Cassius as I got to the top “I was thinking we should plan the baby room” Cassius squinted his eyes at me “I know you want me inside of you” he gripped the back of my head, biting my bottom lip smiling “you playing me ain’t you?” Cassius moved his head closer to mine until our lips met and we kissed, mouths opening and tongues battling for dominance. His grip on the back of my head tightened as he pulled my hair to hold me more firmly. He broke the kiss but kept me close “why are you so sexy” I am shocked he is calling me such a thing “me?” I said in a whisper “yes” he is blind, that is all I can say about that.

 He nipped my bottom lip, hearing the door behind me being pushed open by Cassius “you know I am joking” I placed my hand on Cassius chest “I know you was” Cassius kicked the door shut, not breaking eye contact I got on my knees. Pulling his top up a little, Cassius took his top off for me, unbuttoning his jeans and then unzipping his zip. Pulling his jeans down and then his boxers after that, licking my lips as I massaged his length. Sticking my tongue out in the process to tease the tip further into my my mouth, licking the tip as I took his soft dick in my mouth. Bit by bit I took in his length, my nose hitting just his fluff of pubes but I held my head firmly and let my mouth do the work, using my tongue and my upper mouth sucking on his dick, looking up at Cassius.

 Fisting his member and placed his dick back in my mouth, my mouth twitches reflexively against the flat of my tongue, heavy and hot, until Cassius slowly pulls out. He purposely leaves the head of his dick nestled between my lips, my tongue swirled around his member, Cassius moans at the sight. He slowly placed his member back in my mouth, I bought my hand up to fist his member and suck on it. Cassius moaned loudly when he watches just how much my lips stretch to take all of him in my mouth “Oh fuck, your mouth is amazing” Cassius groaned out, cupping the back of my head for more “Mhmmm” moaning with my mouthful, I slid down his dick a little further, with my mouth opened as far as it could go, making my way back up. As I did I swayed my tongue slowly from side to side, until his head was out of my mouth. Licking it in a circle, I gripped the base of him and started working him at a slow pace. Slowly making my way back down his length and then my chin hit his balls, please gag reflex don’t fail me now, my tongue snaked out and licked his balls. Cassius sack drew up slightly from the feeling, I continued to work on his balls before I drew back “holy shit!” Cassius spat, taking in a deep breath but still l fisted his length. Getting back to his length and wrapping my lips around his dick tightly as I sucked, I am about to suck him dry “fuck” Cassius said in a whisper, as he started bringing himself forward and back, fucking my mouth.