#keep bleeding love; aesthetics

[berylcluster]

tag dump. part un.

[usefulquotes7]

When there’s a fresh wound in your heart, keep it open until it heals. Air it out. Understand it. Dive into it. Be fierce enough to become it. If you ignore it, it won’t be able to breath. If you ignore it, it will merely deepen, spread, and resurface later, wanting to release. And when later happens, it will hurt even more; because when later happens, you won’t know what you’re bleeding for … Remain open to feel free. Victoria Erickson

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Not to gush about my own characters again but I so adore the juxtaposition of the brutal look of the great stars as a weapon and the golden Erdtree armor. Poetic.

And patches is there because this was my first playthrough and I wasn't sure if I should join Volcano Manor immediately. Kind of unfortunate that you miss this encounter with him if you go to Volcano Manor immediately upon reaching Altus Plateau.

[xianyoon]

𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

alhaitham x gn!reader. hurt & comfort, fluff. reader works at the akademiya and is pretty badly treated by most people for some reason. alhaitham reminds you that you are loved by him !!!!! ♡ . reader is inspired by me ( dec 26 bday + peanut allergy + prone to bouts of anxiety ) ノ based off my own interpretation of how alhaitham loves. ノ wc 2.5k.

ask around the bustling hub of sumeru city, and the native dreamers would often describe being loved as something mesmerising and captivating – like a kaleidoscope, twisting and turning enchantingly in hopes that the beads would fall perfectly in place, but it never always truly does – it is endearing and a lesson for the lovers all the same. the messy beads twirl and turn but there is just some reason why they can’t get enough of it.

the thinkers talk about love like an anchor dragging you further and deeper down into the depths of adoration and affection and infatuation; to them, there are often few clear differentiations between sinking into love and drowning in it.

for alhaitham, however – love is natural, like the cycle of growth of the dainty flowers and wild grass beneath his feet. a swanlike, enchanting piece of music that flows from your violin’s bow – with the right person, it is as natural as breathing.

but for alhaitham, however – love is also... unnatural, given his lack of experience. he has adoring fans, he has scholars singing his praises and piles of handwritten letters from secret admirers commending his mind and aesthete – but he has never loved before, not until you.

the first act of love. listening, when nobody else will try to.

alhaitham is a wonderful listener. if you ask him, he’d say that he prefers listening, even – he is content to hear all that you have to say, however nonsensical or ridiculous you sound to others. the scribe’s work is simple, so he never truly minds – to sit quietly with a small smile on his face while you talk his ear off about anything and everything – that is what love is, you are sure.

“hey, i’m sorry.. this is just too much right now.” you know they use this as a replacement for you.

“could you tell me another time?” another time will never come.

“just keep quiet, archons! do you ever shut up?” no, i’m sorry. i probably should.

alhaitham watches from his office as your heart breaks with every unwilling individual, each choosing to walk away while you tore your heart out, still bleeding from your ribcage while laying the offering bare at their feet. how could a human being be so cruel? there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ – yet you believe you cannot make it speak because they do not choose to listen.

“...i believe you hadn’t quite finished your story from the last time we met.” he speaks plainly, eyes glistening – with pity or with eagerness is something you don’t wish to distinguish. let it be the same, lest the heartbreaking realisation that he is just like the others.

“you remember?” you ask cautiously. please do, i can’t bear to beg anyone anymore.

“i do. that day about your old neighbour’s dog escaping into your garden. you’re welcome to continue, if you’d like.”

he watches your eyes light up as you trip and stumble over your words, quietly surprised and eager to please. there is a soft feeling in his chest – a warm, weighing feeling nestled in his ribcage.

the second act of love. remembering, when it feels like no one else does.

it is no secret that alhaitham’s mind is incredible. highly intelligent, closely observant, adept at noticing discrepancies – any researcher would fight to have him take a spot on their team. he is good at remembering, you think to yourself – alhaitham remembers everything – the things you’d grovel at someone’s feet, to remember the slightest thing about you, for, and everything you wished the world forgot. him remembering everything is incredible – whether that be a good thing, or not; is another.

“when’s your birthday again?” your co-worker taps his fingers against his chin, looking through the sheet of office birthdays.

“it’s–”

“december 26th.” alhaitham walks past, not looking up from his notebook.

you and your co-worker stare in silence. he...

“yeah, december 26th...” you catch a glimpse of the silver-haired scribe around the corner. he remembered. even if it was just an offhand comment about how funny you found your birthday to be right after christmas. he remembered.

“huh.” your co-worker shrugs it off, noting it down on the list as if nothing happened.

something happened. you feel something warm blossoming in your chest – warm, comforting, lovely all the same. a tender, sweet feeling like the heavy blanket on a rainy day that attempts to capture your heart in your throat and keep it captive forever; there is so much you want to say to alhaitham. it’s nice that he remembers – out of all your friends ( was he a friend? ), who could confidently say the date without thinking twice?

“i believe those are nuts. if i recall correctly, aren’t you allergic?” the next time you see a glimpse of his silver hair, alhaitham peers into your bowl of noodles. nuts – how comical it is to think that such a small, minuscule digit could potentially cut off breathing for you.

“i thought i told them ... perhaps i didn’t.” you mumble, hurriedly spitting out half-chewed food into your tissue. you stare tiredly into your bowl – surely you remember letting the waiter know that you had an allergy.

“you did.”

before you could even turn your head to reply to his reassurance, alhaitham flags down the same, tired waiter. he trudges to your table, serving tray tucked between his arm and body.

“can i be of service?”

“excuse me, i believe we mentioned earlier that they couldn’t have nuts.” alhaitham stares at him in the eye, glancing briefly at your bowl with spat-out nuts beside it. the waiter grabs it, letting out a soft sigh of frustration.

“you are a service professional, are you not?” alhaitham interrupts the languid movement; yet he does not break the stare.

“sir, i am just a wa–”

“my apologies. are you are a paid member of this establishment?”

“i am.” the waiter nods in quiet submission. it is better to shut up than to argue with a man who loves.

“you understand the laws regarding a customer’s health and safety, do you not? even if it’s tiresome, if they had gone into an anaphylactic shock here in your cafe, i believe it would have been a matter of time before an investigation is launched and a lawsuit is filed.”

you hear alhaitham soften at the word they. they. you. you are important enough to him that he’d quietly, but fiercely rip into the waiter over your allergy. (alhaitham wishes you felt important enough to care about your health instead of apologising for not speaking loud enough.)

the waiter steels himself and takes your bowl back to the kitchen without another word.

“thank you,” you turn to alhaitham. “that meant a lot.”

you show him a soft smile, and alhaitham feels a wave of silent thankfulness wash over himself – that you sit before him, wearing a bright and sweet smile and not a pained grimace from struggling to breathe, on your features. he feels the same warmth in his chest once again.

“you don’t need to thank me.”

alhaitham remembers, even when it feels like no one else does.

the third act of love. holding, when your skin feels achingly colder.

alhaitham does not strike people as a touchy person; his love language is not physical touch. touch scares him a little, even. the thought that a simple loving gesture could be twisted and morphed into a threatening hold scares even the most intelligent and strong of men – but he is human, and that is enough for him to appreciate lingering touches on his back as and when he needs and wants to.

he sees you – fingers twitching and rubbing against each other, clumsily tapping against your palms then scrunching inwards – you need touch. you need to be held. it was as simple and as crucial as breathing. your fingers press in inwards of itself, and he watches the colour recede and return once again as you loosen your grip.

“come here,” alhaitham gestures, wrapping your hand around his. there’s something comforting about how your hand is smaller than his; it’s not that much smaller, but it’s smaller all the same. if you curled yourself up even more, perhaps you’d be able to fit into the palm of his hands.

“don’t do that. you’ll hurt yourself.”

“do what?” you look at him quizzically.

“i wasn’t sure if you were unaware, but you tend to self-soothe and search for touch.” he sighs quietly, absent-mindedly stroking your purlicue as he turned back to his book.

“although i believe you search for it too much. press too hard, and you’ll start to feel numb.”

“ah.” you stare at your hands – the left, which he holds, and the right, resting on the cool table.

“thank you.”

“i said before, there is no need to thank me. if it is a simple matter regarding your well-being, i would do–” he stops himself. anything, is left hanging in silence.

“i would be happy to resolve that matter.”

even holding you? would he dare hold something so shamefully broken?

“thank you...” you close your eyes. he hesitates; just once.

“you don’t sound pleased, nor satisfied. was it something i said?” you hear his voice soften.

no, it’s not you. you shake your head quietly, resting your head against your right palm on the table.

“it’s alright. you do not have to talk if you don’t wish to.” alhaitham replies. you feel him smoothing your hair back – a touch so soft and tender, you can hardly believe it to be for yourself. it was intoxicating; his touch lacked lust, full in love– you have never been loved (loved?) like this before.

you feel slightly warmer now.

the fourth act of love. comforting, when there seems to be no one in your corner.

“i just wanted them to be different. just this once. is that too much to even ask?”

alhaitham holds you tightly as you sob and lament; he holds tighter than he ever has before, and he mourns. he mourns for the walls you had slowly built up over time dawn with the realisation that it had been justified all along; alhaitham knows how hard you have begged for them to be unneeded.

“i know.”

you hiccup, ducking beneath his arm tiredly – and he holds you gently. he holds you, arm resting on the crook of your neck as you rest against a pillow on his side – he holds you like he has done it all his life. fitting yourself – not small but not big – into his frame, alhaitham thinks, may very well be the most natural thing the world has brought him.

“they had no right to treat you like that. i’m sorry.”

“it’s not your fault.” you sniffle.

archon, it hurt. you were going to get hurt in every lifetime, you know that– no, you deserved it. that has been etched into your mind since day one of starting your work. that was just who you were. the poor, miserable corner-sitter who had nothing else to do but correct their own mistakes. no initiative, no ounce of thought. why had the akademiya even hired you if its own people despised you?

“you don’t deserve to be hurt over and over, you know.”

how did he know?

“you said that aloud.”

you mumble a soft sorry, and he replies, shaking his head.

“it isn’t your fault,” alhaitham echoes your previous sentiment, almost teasingly. “i believe you’re smart enough to figure that out.”

before you look up at his tousled hair to reply, you feel a soft kiss pressed to your forehead.

a kiss.

his kiss.

“if you find them still bothering you, come and talk to me. the scribe’s position is – it may not be much – but i know with my place within the akademiya, they will listen. i promise you this,” he holds your warm hands in his broader ones.

“if they do not stop, i will leave. i have no regard for a company that will not protect its own workers.”

he wants to say a company that will not protect you, but thinks otherwise. perhaps it is too much right now after his impulsive kiss –that is the one thing that alhaitham mulls over. he has never been impulsive before; always thinking through and filtering and being rational and all the things that makes alhaitham, alhaitham. being impulsive is not a trait others describe him by. 

so why, you–?

the fifth act of love. loving you, even when you believe people cannot.

–because he loves you, and alhaitham cannot, for the life of him and even with all the overbearing advice from kaveh and more bearable guidance from nahida – he cannot put it into words. for the first time in his life, alhaitham stumbles over himself, words tumbling out like love letters hastily shoved into a sack with a cut into it.

“what is so special about me? you’re always here, alhaitham, yet you never grow sick of me.”

he finds himself caught off guard when you ask suddenly, caught in today’s throes of insecurities. your words hang cautiously on your tongue like a snake waiting for the moment a displeased reaction appears – whether you hiss or hide, is something alhaitham feels a modicum of curiosity about, pulsing, and pulsing, until he tries.

“you-”

there are too many things that he can think of, he feels. nahida, give me strength.

“you are- you are kind. and generous. you have a heart for people even when they do not have one for you.” he starts, slowly. “you listen intently, and you enable people to open and talk. they talk because you listen and you support them with all your soul and it is so evident that you love.”

you want to cry.

“i admit i am not good with words, but you deserve every vow i utter tonight. you love so loudly, and you feel no shame for it – you have inspired me, and i dare confess that there have been many times i have desired to pull back, out of worry that i have felt the distinct possibility that i was about to fall in love with you.”

oh. you blink as if that hasn’t been obvious enough.

alhaitham is deeply and madly in love with you.

“i love you, not only because you are special, but also because i believe you deserve every ounce of love i can retrieve from myself. i know it has been made clear to you that others do not feel the same way, and it hurts to believe that some of it has come from those i know – i promise to be different–”

“you already are, alhaitham.” you feel yourself choke up. love is entangling itself around your trachea and holding you hostage, never letting go.

“you have never treated me with the same contempt. i love you, i know you return my feelings and for that i am thankful. i’m sorry that i’m not an easy person to love, please...” you trail off, feeling his body collide into yours. alhaitham holds you. he holds you, hand on your back and the other cradling your head against his shoulder.

“i want to love you,” he whispers into your hair. “please let me.”

so, about love–

ask alhaitham? you see a soft smile adorns his features as he mulls over the question of what love is to him. love, forever yours, evermore.

[cameronspecial]

I Want To Be Your Boyfriend

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Pogue!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Sex

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.9K

Summary: Rafe never thought that he could fall for a Pogue, but the Goddess in front of him might change his mind.

A/N: This is a prequel to I Want To Be With You and requested by @sublimepenguinpeach-blog

When he first saw her, he thought she was the most beautiful Kook he had ever seen. The lavender silk Prada shirt she is wearing crops just above her belly button. It reveals a delicious sliver of her stomach that he just wants to rest his hands on. The recognizable double G of her creamed colour belt displays the girl’s financial status. But as Rafe’s eyes trail down to her pants, confusion crosses his features. The black jeans she wears are distraught with holes in a fashionable manner, yet, he doesn’t recognize the brand and the material looks too cheap to be a brand name. Her shoes also don’t match the top half of her outfit as the white Sketchers look so worn out that it had to be done because she can’t afford new ones and not because of aesthetics. 

Sarah and the rest of the Pogues joining his Goddess help put the puzzle pieces together in his mind. His sister is known for her love of sharing her clothes with her Pogue friends, so the Goddess in front of him must be a Pogue. Unlike Sarah, Rafe would never associate himself with Pogues unless they were working for him. Yet, the concern she shows for JJ over a bleeding cut on his forehead from falling down makes Rafe realize he doesn’t care that she lives on the wrong side of the island. She lets out the most amazing laugh he has ever heard and he has to be the one that makes her smile. He makes his way over to talk to her, but Kiara stops him in his tracks. 

“Don’t even think about it. She is too good for you,” she warns him away. He tries to sidestep her, “Come on, Kiara. Let me talk to her.” The girl shakes his head and turns him away. He doesn’t want to make a scene in front of the goddess, so he walks away in defeat. Throughout the night, he tries to talk to her and is intercepted by the other Pogues. 

——

For weeks he has been trying to talk to her, but every time a Pogue is there to stop him. At least he learnt her name. Y/N Y/L/N, the name of a goddess. He is sent by his dad to pick up something to eat at The Wreck and this is when he sees her next. She is whipping down a table on the far side of the room, which makes him switch course toward her. JJ spots Rafe’s new direction and runs into his path with a smirk. “I’m sorry, man. I can’t let you near her.” “You can’t tell me what to do, Pogue,” Rafe spits out, standing up straight so the small height distance looks a little bigger. JJ wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand to try to hide his chuckle, “When it comes to her, I can. Now, as the French say, arrivederci.” Rafe is going to argue more, but the call of his name for his order pulls him away from the blonde.

——

It felt like fate when he got to the coffee shop to see her hunched over a notebook by herself. He looks around the store to check that she really is alone and no other pogue is in sight. He grins at this new revelation, sliding himself across from her in the booth. “I’ve been trying to introduce myself for weeks. I’m Rafe,” he sticks his hand out for her to shake. She brings her hand to his and he notices that although they are calloused, they are still supple, “I know your name silly. And I know you know that you have been trying. My friends don’t keep things from me.” 

“Right, so you’ve just been making me chase after you on purpose.” 

“You know, Rafe, you are the one with the name that means counsel of the wolf in Old Norse. I’m starting to see that it is a pretty accurate name.”

“You are just as smart as I thought you were because I have no idea what you mean.”

She finds his honesty cute, “I’m saying that wolves are predators and you have been chasing after me like a pray for weeks.” He likes that she isn’t condescending when she explains the joke to him. “Ahh, I totally understood that. Please, keep blessing me with your wisdom.” 

——

Rafe has been talking and texting Y/N for a month now and he is finally convinced they are not going to be caught hanging out together by the other Pogues. This means he is finally going to ask her to go steady with him because he is assured they can go on a date without being caught. She stares at her TV show while his head is resting on her thigh near her stomach. He is between her legs and his focus is on his phone. “Y/N,” he catches her attention. “I want to be your boyfriend.” His tone is practically begging her to say yes. She looks down at him with a soft smile and her fingers lace through his hair. “Rafey, I would love for you to be my boyfriend. But I don’t think there is going to be much of a difference in our relationship,” she confides, twirling his hair between her fingers.

“Why not?” 

“I don’t think you can get any more clingy than this, Rafey.”

“True, but there is something I can start craving more than your touch, Baby”

He lifts his head off her thigh and brings himself to hover over Y/N. He gives her a peck before moving in to deepen the kiss. His hands find the buttons of her shirt as he begins kissing his way down her neck. Forget about her laughter, her moans are the most amazing thing he has ever heard.

[martiansodas-blog]

So, i've thinking about how cute and fluffy Art would be on reader's period: worried about her cramps, buying snacks, cuddling and spoiling her all week... (i love your fanfics and you make the best fluffy ones)

aw thank you so much ! fluff soothes the soul.

♡ art is getting one of those aesthetic rolling carts to keep in his bathroom for you. it has the brand(s) of pads and tampons you prefer. flushable wipes cause let’s be honest a lot of time toilet paper is not cutting it and you need a clean up in between showers. midol, aleve, maybe he’d buy you a pair of comfy underwear to have on hand too ☺️.

♡ changing your sheets for your before and after your period.

♡ snuggles all the time. he’s your personal heating pad. puts bud big hand on your bare tummy when you’re having cramps :( rubbing it ever so gently. telling you it’ll get better. he’s right here. and he’s spooning you whenever he can. insisting you sit/lay down the moment you’re home !

♡ a lot of massages. kneads your hips.

♡ we know he shows love by giving, so providing for you during this time comes naturally.

♡ makes sure he has all your favorite junk food on hand. (he may not be able to eat it but that’s not stopping him from having an entire cupboard full.) you just have to say salty or sweet and he’ll arrange a little tray.

♡ keeps you hydrated. as an athlete he has lots of liquid iv and gatorade and such on hand. sneakily adds electrolytes to your water. what a good boyfriend !

♡ honestly just has a lot of empathy for you. forehead kissed while he whispers soothing things in your ear,

“you’re so strong, there’s so much going on inside you right now.”

“i don’t know how you do it.”

“your body’s so amazing, sweetheart.”

♡ buys a heated blanket AND a weighted one after you menstruate around him for the first time. he’s nothing if not prepared. if he can’t take away his girls pain, he can sure soften the blow.

♡ would get a thick comfy dark red blanket and put it on his bed during your period. if you do bleed through your clothes during the night, it won’t be noticeable. much. better than sleeping on a towel. as soon as you’re onto the next phase of your cycle it goes into the wash ! simple !

♡ if he’s away at a tournament he’ll doordash you your go-to coffee and a breakfast sandwich. he’ll send you a message at the same time everyday, each a variation of:

Hey, I know you’re probably grumpy that you have to get up and work while you’re in pain. So here’s a little something. Please take care of yourself while I’m gone. Be back soon baby xx

[vilhelios]

— I THINK I LOVED YOU IN ANOTHER LIFE .

( WHERE I WAS THE SEA, & YOU WERE THE SHORE . ) ; general fluffy romantic headcanons for rafayel / qi yu from love and deepspace <3

CW: not beta read, general rafayel story/lore spoilers, may be slightly ooc, tooth-rotting fluff, very slight angst !!!

— RAFAYEL is a terribly sweet, loyal, and affectionate lover. sometimes, you think he is something like a lovesick puppy—always ready to greet you at the door with a warm hug when you return from a mission, always eagerly awaiting your phone calls and texts. always at your side. when he calls you darling and holds you close, burrows his head into the crook of your neck, you can't help but feel like your being has been warmed by a pleasant summer sunbeam.

despite this, sometimes he feels like he's drifting somewhere far away from you. a receeding ocean tide, sea foam dissolving from your fingertips as you dip your hands in the waves. he's somewhere you don't understand, when he looks into your eyes and searches for an iteration of you in the reflected image of his own eyes—perhaps he is 800 years away, a lifetime and more. and yet, when you gingerly cup his face in your palms, feel him lean into your touch, you know he returns to you.

— RAFAYEL'S art studio is admittedly, a mess. there are days where you'll enter that room spotless and leave with splatters of some new shade of red and his beloved blues all over your clothes and skin. some days, this happens purely on accident—a trip right into a canvas here, a palm pressed onto wet paint there—and on others, rafayel seems to delight in using you as a canvas.

— when RAFAYEL kisses you (in that gentle fashion, where he cups your cheek like if he doesn't you'll slip like seafoam from his hold), those soft lips of his taste of cherries and grapes and strawberries. and perhaps that best encapsulates what loving rafayel is like, this sweetest red, red, red: the way his cheeks and ears flush when you press a kiss to his cheek; the colour of his eyes when the morning's rose-gold sunlight hits the pink in them just right; the bleeding, beating heart he offers to your awaiting hands. eventually, he pulls away to let the both of you breathe, and when he presses his forehead against yours, glances at you with that charming smile of his, you're enveloped in warm crimson all over again.

"there." rafayel smiles, leans back to admire the flamulla he'd painted on your cheek and the pout that graces your lips. "a cute flamulla for the cutie that keeps distracting me."

"you weren't even painting anything when i came in!" you scoff, dabbing the paintbrush he'd given you into the paint upon the palette. while he painted moon jellies, flamulla, and blowfish on your skin, you'd busied yourself with painting seashells on his. some of the clamshells are too close together, the venus combs look a little too spiky, and some conches don't look quite right. when he looks like he's about to chuckle at the sight of them, you poke him with the other end of your brush; "hmph. you're just a meanie."

"how rude!" he feigns, hand to his heart. "this is how you treat me for making you look like one of my most precious paintings?"

— you notice, eventually, that RAFAYEL always gifts you red jewelry (if not pearls, of course). the little treasures glint in the sunlight; rings with a ruby or red spinel centerpiece, a necklace with a red coral pendant, fire opal earrings... they're beautiful and never gaudy, as to be expected from a man with an eye for aesthetics, but it still perplexes you.

you ask him why, while he helps you put on his most recently gifted necklace as you two get ready to attend his aunt's opera show. your painter answers with a thoughtful hum, deft fingers clasping the necklace for you: "red disappears the fastest in the deep sea, so i never got to see it much." rafayel presses a kiss to your cheek, then, before settling his chin on the crook of your neck. "what better way to appreciate a colour i missed out on for so long than seeing it on you, darling?"

— RAFAYEL'S smug and haughty countenance seems to crumble at the mere press of your lips against his skin, little pecks gracing each beauty mark. the first kiss is placed on his cheek, a little ways away from his eye, his head cradled in your palms; you feel how he heats up beneath your touch, a light blush dusting across his cheeks and a bright vermillion burning at the tips of his ears. the second is placed on his chest, your lips and gentle, roaming hands sparking the rapid thrumming of his heart.

— RAFAYEL sees you in everything. in the morning sunlight that filters into his kitchen, in the cherry blossoms that land on his hair, in the sea breeze that rushes past him as he walks along the shore. the mundane of daily life has become filled with so many traces of you that he cannot see them as anything other than beautiful. there's a piece of you in every one of his paintings now, a streak of your favourite colour intertwined with his reds and blues. he made the pigment himself, of course, extracted the colours he needed from your favourite things.

THE LOVERS ; Rafayel (20XX) ; Oil on canvas

This painting consists of only two colours, and depicts the view of a simple shoreline, with waves lapping at the shore. Although simple in essence, the two paints were handmade (as is the norm for pieces by Rafayel) with pigments extracted from materials that represented himself and his beloved. Upon closer inspection, one may notice the difference in brushstrokes between colours—where they start to blend, so do the strokes, perhaps one hand guiding the other. As per the words of the painter himself, this artwork is meant to represent a "marriage and a transfiguration; the way two souls are forever intertwined and changed by love."

a/n : pretty privilege is real because rafayel acts a lot like marius but i like him infinitely more than i do lu jinghe 😭👍 my love/obsession for this pretty little fish has made me rise from the grave of uni work and writer's block... please fill his tag i need to satisfy this itch in my brain that he gives me <\3 might write some more for him + him as abysswalker <3 (p.s. that final hc is perhaps the cutest thing i thought to do)

[cherryslyce]

Second Son (Epilogue) | Regulus Black

Series Synopsis: Forbidden from contacting Harry over the summer, you opt to explore the eerie halls of Grimmauld Place where you stumble upon a lonely portrait of the House's second son.

— Chapter Synopsis: The new era. The end of one chapter, and the beginning of another.

Part XIX / Series Masterlist

Pairing: Regulus Black x GN!Reader

Notes: Thank you all so much.

You peer out of the fenestrated walls, eyes glazing over the faint swinging of wooden signs and veranda covers. The ambience around you swirls like a sheer veil as you lean back into your seat, sighing out blissfully as your cooling charm beats with fervor, shielding you from the blistering heat of the summer day. 

Dragging your eyes away from the bright view, you run your finger along the thick cardstock in front of you. The blocky letters begin to fade into the background of snowy mountain caps and faded waterfalls as you continue to trace your eyes over it. 

‘Greetings from OREGON’ 

You flip the postcard over and swipe a finger across the swirly letters. 

‘Hope you’re well, kid. - A. Fiske’ 

A sudden thudding noise echoes across from you, and you slowly shift to sit straight as your eyes drag themselves away from the letters. You tilt your head with a coy smile as your companion leans back to get comfortable, evidently miffed by the unrelenting heat waves. 

“Good to see you, B.” You smile saccharinely, fingers dancing along the chilled cup in front of you. 

Blaise rolls his eyes and places his own drink down on the table—iced americano, simple, bitter, and everything that Blaise wasn’t. You would never understand his fascination with the drink. He huffs before smiling sarcastically at you, “Yes, how long has it been? Two days?” 

“Don’t whine, it’s unbecoming.” You mutter playfully, twirling your straw around the rim of your cup. 

“Merlin, you’re even starting to sound like her. Really, no wonder mother finds you so endearing.” He tuts as he throws his elbow back to rest on the back of his chair. 

You chuckle and shake your head, “Okay, let’s digress then.” You lean forward and cross your legs, “How is Draco doing? Theo is irritatingly uninformed on the topic.” 

“He’s alright, thanks to you and Potter anyway. His father might not be facing a long sentence, but many of the elected Wizengamot heads are shifty even with your statements. Lucius Malfoy has been a slippery eel for a few years too long.” He hums, face unflinching as he sips on his potent drink, “How the mighty have fallen so.”

Nodding, your voice drops lower as you survey the rest of the cafe, “Azkaban will still do a number on him even with a lighter sentence. Narcissa is worried.” 

“As she should be,” he replies curtly, “and speaking of Azkaban, how is Lord Black nowadays? He’s become quite the hermit. Is he faring well?” 

You sigh and rub your chin, “Yeah, he’s just been busy with remodeling. He’s still quite miffed that Reggie and I decided to move out.” 

“At least he has Potter with him.” Blaise supplies, eyes darkening in rumination at the mention of Regulus. He levels you with inquisitive eyes, “Before I forget, what should I send over?”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you hum, “How do you mean?” 

“Your house warming gift, daft one.” He rolls his eyes lightly. 

“Just bring your lovely self.” You huff out. 

Blaise crosses an ankle over his knee, “A vase then.” 

“If it clashes with the aesthetic then I’m tossing it into the basement.” You warn jokingly, smiling widely at your friend. 

He shakes his head with a muffled chuckle, “No worries. Anyways, you still need to unpack, right? Need any help?” 

“Oh? Work not keeping you busy enough?” You rest back against your chair, head bleeding with thoughts about how taxing work has been in the past few months with the Ministry trying to dial the reconstruction process to an inconceivable pace. 

Blaise groans at the reminder, taking a long sip of his drink, “Merlin, they should rename the whole Department! Department of International Magical Cooperation? What a joke, all they do is sit in an oval and squabble.” 

You throw your head back to laugh, a feathery light bubble of relief expanding in your chest. It was mind-boggling to think that not even a year ago you were all fighting for your lives, and now the same backdrop of fear that followed everyone around for so many years had disintegrated. People strided through halls and streets with lifted shoulders and bright eyes, war-hardened, but jovial as their burdens gave way. 

Blaise had worked his way up the Department of International Magical Cooperation, often leaving meetings with a sharp migraine and dwindling hope in the frequency of common sense. Theodore was faring well, now a highly revered Unspeakable for the Time Branch, all made possible with his swift denouncement of his father. Draco was the more withdrawn one out of the three, but you held out hope for him, having corresponded with him over his budding fascination for Alchemy. 

You found that your new friends were on your mind often, and you were endlessly grateful to them as they took Regulus’ reintegration into society with stride, often giving you advice on how to politely tell inquisitive reporters to bugger off. Meetings with them were slowly becoming a rarity as all of you became engrossed in work, but your friendships remained resolute as you all quickly became each other’s closest confidants. 

Luna wrote to you often, and you sent her trinkets and snacks by the dozen, finding yourself constantly worried that others would mistreat the girl with the absence of your friend group. Luckily, the girl found a friend in Ginny, and you were looking forward to reuniting with her during her Summer Break. 

Harry and Ron were inducted into the Auror ranks by Shacklebolt only a few weeks after the war. You had your reservations about their decision to jump into such a high-risk job, the stench of carnage and battle throbbing like an open wound, but they insisted that they would never be able to focus enough to finish school. 

On the opposite side of that sentiment, there was Hermione. She had quickly delved back into Hogwarts’ curriculum amidst its reconstruction, and was now looking to you with hopeful words about beginning her own sabbatical. 

You had published your research under both yours and Regulus’ name, omitting information about Regulus’ discovery of sentient portraits as a precaution for the future. 

You both respected Anders’ wish to leave his name off the cover and the research, but he failed to warn you against leaving his name anywhere else, so simply on the first page of your book, you dedicated the findings to him and Asger with a simple ‘For A. & A. Fiske.’ 

The research was groundbreaking, to say the least. You wouldn’t be able to forget the swaths of letters and documents from the Ministry, and one very heated missive to you from Blaise about how he was even more swamped with work, many foreign countries reaching out to inquire about the findings. 

It all paid off though, the royalties you and Regulus got would sustain you both for the rest of your humble lives, and the boost on your portfolio made getting a job in the Department of Mysteries a cakewalk. 

Once the sun rolled across the cloudless sky, the singing blues morphing to hues of pinks and purples, you bid your friend goodbye, wishing him luck with work and promising to gather with the rest of your friends the following week. 

You were certain that apparition was the most useful skill you had in your toolbelt, and you couldn’t fathom how you managed to survive the majority of your life without such a feat. As your shoes pad against the pavement, the bristling of leaves skidding around you, you let out a content sigh as you approach your destination. 

It was the closest thing you had to home for so long, and it still felt like safety and comfort despite the sudden heaviness of your own house keys in your pocket. As you pop the door open, head peeking around the heavy wood, your face lights up as a figure comes into view. 

“You’re home!” You exclaim excitedly, stepping inside with a wide grin. 

Harry approaches you and gives you a fleeting hug, hand raising to adjust his glasses as he pulls back, “Yeah, Tonks let me off early. How was your meeting with Blaise?”

“Good,” you draw out suspiciously, eyes narrowing as you both pace through the dim walkway, “how’d you know about that?”

“Regulus.” He answers simply, eyebrows raising in tease as you huff. 

You both cross into the threshold of the kitchen, stopping in your tracks as you see countless manuals splayed across the wide berth of the table. Regulus and Sirius are both hunched over in their seats, flipping furiously through the catalogues. 

“Some light reading, Sirius?” Your voice rings out playfully, body already moving towards your squinting boyfriend. Both men shoot up from their positions and blink owlishly at you and Harry, the sea of papers long forgotten. 

“Furniture shopping, pup!” Sirius replies with a tired grin as he stretches his arms over his head. 

Regulus rises from his chair and meets you halfway, arms wrapping securely around your body as he burrows his face into the crook of your neck. A few more moments pass by before he cranes back and blinks slowly at you, “Birdie.” 

You run a hand through his curls and smile lightly, “Love.” 

Regulus keeps you secure to him as he moves to drop back down into his seat, leaning his head against your stomach as you remain standing. Your eyes drop down to look at the varying bleak images on the shining white pages. 

Raising your eyebrows, your eyes drift around an image of a steep bookshelf with two glass doors, “Is this for us or Sirius?” 

Sirius leans back in his seat and rubs the bridge of his nose, “Your place. Reggie helped me pick out a few pieces earlier.” 

Your eyes wander around the aged cabinets and drabby wallpaper, trying to envision the space in a remodeled visual, one that would be Sirius-esque rather than screaming of cobwebs and medieval torture. You smile minutely before reaching a hand out across the table, bringing your other hand to card through Regulus’ hair as you mutter quietly to the tired man across from you, “I’m happy for you, Sirius.” 

The man reciprocates your smile and clasps his hand in yours, “Thank you, pup. I’m happy for you too,” he huffs and glances at Regulus, who remained immobile against your stomach, “the both of you.” 

The tender moment continues for a few more beats before Harry slowly leans on the seat next to Sirius’, eyes scrutinizing a forgotten pile of booklets off to the older man’s left, “Sirius, where are we going to put a lion table?” 

You snort out a muffled laugh as the man swivels over to his godson with beaming eyes, knowing that Harry would be whining to you later about Sirius’ ineptitude at interior decorating. 

“You should start cleaning up, Remus will be here soon for dinner.” You murmur with a pointed look at the trio. 

As the final outlines of the sun slinks away in the horizon, you and Regulus bid farewell to the occupants of Grimmauld Place, intent on spending the rest of the night in your home. It was fortunate that Regulus had managed to set up the floo network to your home only a matter of days before, and the journey back left little room for complaints as the green flames dragged away from your vision. 

You step out into the darkness of your study room, ears perking imperceptibly when the network flares again as Regulus joins you. The twilight sky filters into your home, dimly illuminating the barren room. 

“We’re home.” You mutter with a content smile. 

Regulus slowly pads towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he sways you both. Your eyes are drawn to the French casement windows behind the desk, getting lost in the sight of the dancing flower field. 

“Shall we head to the cliff, birdie?” Regulus muses, eyes following your gaze as he drifts into rumination. 

You nod and reluctantly step forward, pivoting on your heel and dropping a hand onto Regulus’ arm, “I’ll meet you at the front? I need to drop off a few things in the bedroom.” 

“Of course, baby.” He leans over to capture your lips in a soft kiss, hands dropping to your hips as he lightly grips onto you. 

Humming against his lips, you slowly pull back and rub a thumb across his cheek, “I’ll be quick, promise.” 

He pecks your lips again and gives you one last squeeze before he slowly backs away, shooting you a warm smile as he makes his way to the entryway. You retreat from the study room soon after, making a sharp right turn as you pace towards your shared bedroom. 

Regulus had been the one to bring up the idea of getting a beach house, assuring you that he was unsettled by still water and not turbulent waves. It was a quaint building, one that sprouted into the center of a lustrous flower garden, and you both knew it was the one when you toured it. Just a short walk away from the blooming fields, a precipitous cliffside broke away and loomed over a thick landing of sand, giving a small brief from the swaying waves 

As you enter the lusterless room, you shed away your bag and walk towards your bedside table, propping the Oregon postcard against your lamp. Atop the same white bedside table sat Regulus’ old golden frame, now whole and without trace of ever having been shattered. Under the frame, the folded piece of paper that Regulus had given you the night after you bought the property peeked out. 

You grasp both items in your hands, and smile lightly as an idea formulates in your head. 

“Kreacher!” You call lightly. 

The house-elf pops into the bedroom with a curious frown, teetering towards you as you extend the items out. You fish out your wand as Kreacher grabs the frame, muttering a faint engorgio at the rectangular object. The frame wobbles in the elf’s grasp before slowly stretching to nearly thrice its original size. 

“Could you possibly frame this note for me? Maybe above the headboard?” You request with a small smile. 

“Kreacher will do that.” The house elf nods and begins to fiddle with the frame. 

Your eyes run across the note one more time before you hand the slip to the elf, making your way out to Regulus with a fleeting farewell. The boy has a jacket slung over his arm as he waits for you by the door, carding his hair back as a flicker of joy flashes through his eyes when you appear in his line of sight. 

“All ready?” He murmurs once you reach him. 

“More than ready.” You reply with a hum, leaning to peck his cheek. 

The trek towards the cliffside passes by in the blink of an eye, and you’re left with butterflies in your stomach as Regulus picks several tulips for you along the way. By the time you’re close enough to the ocean to hear the crashing of waves, you are left to huddle close to Regulus for warmth. 

The sky begins to darken above you, but you give no protest when Regulus drags you to sit down on the ground. He peers up at the sky above him, eyes tracing across the faint twinkles of the approaching stars. 

You bring a hand to trace his chest as you do the same, cradling the flowers to your side as you begin to sift through the reel of memories in your head. 

“I love you, birdie.” Regulus whispers into the air, his arm moving to rest on your waist. 

You smile widely and press your face into the crook of his neck, “I love you.” 

And as you both laid under the stitches of glowing stars, sharing tiny whispers and shielding each other from the brutal winds, back in your home, Kreacher makes the last adjustments to the new wall decor. 

Kreacher mutely assesses the space as he backs out, the elf’s head full of future possibilities.

It was peaceful. After so many years, he felt at peace.

The door closes with a faint click just as the stars peek through the bedroom window, reflecting off the glowing frame. The swirls of inks encapsulated in the shining beams dance amongst the canvas of the wall. 

‘29 October, 1979

I wonder what being in love feels like. 

26 April, 1999

Love is like flying freely from the inhibitions of your burdens, where your person is your wings, your eyes, and your heart; you soar freely with the knowledge that they will carry you above the storms of doubt. I no longer wonder because now I know.’ 

Fin.

tag list: @krazyk99 @venomsvl @valsarchives @bunny24sstuff @novella12nite @elia-the-bibliophile @txorua @xlifexdeathx @trikigirl271 @the-marauders-world @sleepydang @blueberry-thrawn @lestat-whore @chanaaaannel @clockworkherondale @peachyaeger @thegayhoenextdoor @l--absinthe @ok-boke @summer-noir @mikeikax @musically-ambiguous @dittos-blog-dylanobrien @friendly-neighborhood-boricua @randomfaeriechild @misacc08 @that-bitch-bri @littleshadow17 @chocochannie @bl4stonesc @shari-berri @mrs-billyrussooo @pandemicboredom @gojosbucket @brain-has-left @googie-jeon @lovely-maryj @lokifriggason1 @aloramalfoy @godmitski @justanotherkpopstanlol @hpboysslut2707 @coffeehurricanes

[ohtobeleah]

Secret Sacrifices // Jake Seresin

Chapter Four: [Like Father, Like Daughter]

Summary: You receive news from your case worker about a family member, its sends you into a spiral. Bob is awol from the Hard Deck and Jake is constantly up to his old tricks.

Warnings: Death, mentions of witness protection. Jake Seresin x F!reader

Word Count: 3k

Author Note: Been trucking along at this series. Really trying to spend a little time each day writing a few paragraphs for some projects. And I really do LOVE these two.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Throughout history, there has always been a superstition that expands across many belief systems. Mirrors can be seen as a portal to another dimension; the reflection staring back at you is another version of yourself. Another version of you from another timeline or realm. 

If that were true, you’d give anything to trade places with the reflection staring back at you as you caught a glimpse of yourself in the small hallway mirror that hung for aesthetics. 

“What do you mean?” Your voice shook with confusion, this couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening. “Roger, what the fuck do you mean my dad died?” 

Roger Spague was your case agent. He had been assigned your case right after the funerals of your husband and son. Soon after everything occurred, you were encouraged to enter witness protection to safeguard your testimony. As the only witness who could help bring the men who murdered your family and organised a multilevel drug syndicate to justice, your word was more valuable than gold itself. 

“We couldn’t tell you,” Roger has always been a rather hard nut to crack. He took no bullshit and smiled very rarely. He saw the world for black and white more than he ever did grey. Morals were good or bad, nothing could be in between. “He, unfortunately, passed away a month ago, we’ve been informed of the burial site, Hollow Hills. However, we really advise against you visiting anytime soon,” Rogers’s monotone voice echoed in your head as you struggled to hold your composure. 

“Why? Why would I not run out this door right now to visit my father’s fucking grave you asshole!” You hissed into the phone. Surely this was all some sick joke or a nightmare that never ended. You couldn’t think straight, couldn’t breathe properly. You were almost certain your heart was breaking apart yet again. The shattering pieces would surely slice into your arteries, causing you the bleed out and be at peace with the pain you’d carried for over three years. 

“Because they could be monitoring the site, do you really want to risk everything you’ve worked so hard to protect?” Roger reminded you through the phone. At this stage, you were sure that all the tears you’d cried over the years had permanently stained your cheeks. Maybe one day you’d wake up with no more tears left to cry. 

“Roger–” You sobbed as you made your way into your bedroom. You slumped onto the side and crumpled in on yourself. The only support system keeping you up was your elbows digging into your knees “I can’t do this anymore.” 

“You don’t have a choice to quit this,” Roger, with his little sympathise and tunnel vision, reminded you. “You don’t get to leave this until those bastards are behind bars, and we’ve put too much work into this to have you throw it all away now.” 

“But he’s my dad,” You never got to say goodbye. You never got to tell him how much you loved him, how much you still and always will. You never got to hold your mother or comfort your sister. Everything you’d missed, everything you’d sacrificed was starting to outway the idea, the pipe dream of justice. You were, at the very basic explanation, tired of this life. “I need to visit his grave.” 

“Not until we know for certain that there isn’t anyone monitoring his grave just waiting for you to show up.” The reality was hard to accept, you didn’t want to accept it. But the fact of the matter was, that you have just lost another member of your family, and there was absolutely nothing you could do to help yourself forgive that loss. 

“Fuck you,” You spat as tears spilled over your lower lash line. “Fuck you and fuck all of this do you hear me?” 

“No skin off my nose there, just remember why you’re doing this, who you’re doing this for, Y/n.” Just hearing your real name, and hearing those syllables leave someone’s mouth made you feel real. That you were still a real person with real emotions and valid feelings. “Remember what’s a stake here, they get the chance to kill you now? Then what’s all this been for?” 

“I hate you–” Was all you were able to get out before you broke down completely, deciding that the floor was the best place to be. You hung up the phone and made sure to throw it as far away as you possibly could. 

The carpet soaked up as many tears as possible before you fell asleep crying, sobbing until your eyes could no longer remain open and a steady rhythm took over in your chest. Sleep….it never came easy, but you needed it. 

By the time you slowly opened your eyes again, the sun had risen higher in the sky and the ice cream you’d brought in your weekly shop was melted into a puddle of liquid. You knew as you slowly peeled yourself off the carpet that you had to get yourself together before you lost the plot. So you trailed out into the hallway and made your way back to the kitchen to put away your groceries. The bags still sat where you and Jake had left them on the island bench. 

“You’re okay,” It was two simple words, but the lies that read between the lines were big enough to make them seem like a whole novel of untruthful affirmations. “You’re okay,” Again you repeated the same two words as you unpacked your groceries. “You’re okay.” Hoping that if you said them enough……

You’d hopefully start to believe them. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Cutting lemons was one of those mundane tasks you actually enjoyed. It gave you something to do while zoning out. You’d only been at work for roughly an hour before the patrons started to pile in after work. Naval men and women from all walks of life all heading to the local watering hole. It wasn't too long after you started on your fourth lemon that Jake made his appearance in your peripheral vision. There was no doubt that his proximity to you was the cause behind your palpitations. 

Jake stood on the other side of the bar, smiling his signature shit-eating grin at you while he watched your knife skills. 

“What's a guy gotta do to get you to handle him like that lemon?” Trust Jake to lead with the unorthodox hello. When you looked up and met your gaze, you knew you were in deep water. The smile that smeared itself across your face was as genuine as it could ever be. 

“I didn’t know you were into knife play Seresin?” You saw the way Jake's eyes slightly widened with promiscuous enlightenment at your reply. “You just after the usual?” You asked as you placed the knife you’d been using into the sink. 

“Yes ma’am, and to see the pretty barkeep,” Jake replied as he sat down on one of the empty barstools. He looked far too handsome in his flight suit, but you’d never tell him that. His ego was already inflated enough. 

“Penny! Hangman here to see you!” You called out as you washed your hands from all the lemon juice. Jake wouldn’t deny it if you asked that his eyes had dropped from looking at your hair to your ass as you turned around briefly to dry them on the rag that sat nearby. 

“I was talking about you–” He smiled as you turned back around to face him. His elbows were resting against the top of the bar, casually, like he was truly at home. 

“Bet you say that to all the ladies–”  You added as you picked up a glass, going about making Jake his usual order. 

“Nope, just you.” It was quiet, a little more serious with an underlying sense of admiration. Jake meant it, he thought you were gorgeous. From the moment he first met you, he saw all the beauty and grace that seamlessly radiated from your aura. “I think you’re beautiful, Brewer.” 

Jake's complement knocked the wind from your lungs as you held the glass at an angle and watched the amber liquid pool at the bottom. Slowly but surely filling the glass to the top with a perfect head of froth. 

“What did I tell you about flattery?” You sighed as you placed the beer down in front of the aviator who was slowly capturing your whole heart in the palm of his hands. Completely unaware that he was falling in love with a complete stranger. 

“That it won’t get me anywhere–” Jake grinned, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. “But if I remember correctly, it did.” The sensation of having Jake’s lips pressed against yours came flooding back as the heat in your cheeks rose. “Let me take you out to dinner?” 

“Jake,” You had to sigh. “Not this again?” Playing a little hard to get wouldn’t hurt the man, would it? 

“Or come over to mine then?” Jake proposed with a cheeky Serein grin you assumed he got from his mother. 

“Oh yeah?” You chuckled as you let your hands rest on your bar, leaning in a little closer to Jake. “So I can contract whatever deceases you’re harbouring in that petri dish of a bachelor pad?” Jake pretended to be wounded as he placed a hand over his chest at your remark. You shook your head as you let out a small laugh. “I don’t think so, Seresin, but I’ll give you points for trying.” 

Jake sat there momentarily, just drinking in the sight of the woman who had slowly become his favourite person to be around. This was his favourite part of the entire day. Getting to come to the Hard Deck, sit on his stool by the bar and talk to you. He thought about you all day long. About all the ways you did our hair and those mom jeans that hugged your waist just right. He’d catch himself thinking about the way you humbly count your tips at the end of each night, or the way you laugh with Fanboy over the most insane things. He would often daydream about your smile, your eyes, and your ability to captivate the entire bar. 

“Fine,” Jake knocked his knuckles on the wood of the bar as he rose to his feet once again. “Suit yourself, but just for the record, I like my bachelor pad very much.” For as much as Jake truly did love his quick, tidy and rather put-together home, he sure wouldn’t have minded the slightest bit if you lived there too. 

“I think the local community of gonorrhoea would say the same.” You took the card Jake was handing over. “Starting a tab?” 

“Depends, what’s Bradshaws looking like?” Jake was always the first to add an extra beer or three onto Bradley’s outstanding tab. You were always the first person to turn a blind eye then doing so. As you looked up Roosters name in the system the number was much higher than you originally expected. It seemed as though the boys had well and truly been taking advantage of Rooster’s current love-hate relationship with the Hard Deck barkeep. 

“Eh, he owes me a couple hundred.” You smiled softly back at Jake as you placed his card in the draw. 

“Yeah, start a table angel, gives me more of an excuse to linger,” Jake replied with a genuine smile, his eyes were soft and swirling with ease. He’d never felt this way about a woman before. You gentled him to a point where if you asked him tomorrow to run away with you, he’d follow you to the end of the world.

“I’m sure that’s called stalking–” You sighed as you turned around momentarily to pick up your knife and head back to cutting your lemon slices. 

“Consider me your biggest fan then, Brewer.” Jake grinned ear to ear as he took a sip of his beer, heading off toward the pool table where you knew he’d be for the next few hours.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

The Hard Deck was rather busy for a Monday afternoon. The bar was in high spirits as you manoeuvred yourself around the floor collecting empty glasses and cans. You could feel Jake’s eyes burning into you as you spoke to patrons and cleaned up tables. But there was one person you hadn’t seen yet that you needed to talk to desperately. Bob. 

“Where’s our resident underage drinker this evening gentlemen?” You cooed as you made your way over to your favourite group of aviators. “And Nix.” You added as you gave Phoenix a side hug. 

“Haven’t seen him actually?” Fanboy replied, his answer wasn’t one you wanted to hear. Usually, if someone wasn’t here by this time of the night then they weren’t coming at all. You really needed to speak to Bob. 

“Do you think he'll be in?” You questioned as you let go of Phoenix and went about collecting empty glasses. You knew Bob had annual leave coming up, he'd been talking about it for weeks now. 

“Why the sudden obsession with Bob, Brewer?” Rooster chimed in. “You guys on the down low or something?” That very question had Jake's blood boiling. You could see the jealousy clear as day smeared across his face from across the pool table.

“I’m uh—” It came out before you knew what you were saying. “I'm seeing someone, casually, it's really new.” Your eyes very quickly glanced over at Jake who now wore that same smug grin that he normally wore. Only this time his eyes were swirling with administration. “It's not Bob, but I appreciate your interest in my love life, Bradshaw.” 

“Lord help the man who ends up under your control,” Bradley rolled his eyes with a deep resentment you couldn't quite understand. The feud between the pain of you was something that formed from a mere misunderstanding. Surely the two of you could let bygones be bygones and move on. 

“An apology will wipe that ever-mounting tab clear Bradshaw, you know that.” You teased as you made your way back to the bar. You could feel the back of your throat growing tighter, and the sting of holding back tears that had become an all too familiar sensation began to grow. You couldn’t keep yourself busy enough to forget your dad was dead and no one, not a single soul had told you of his passing until he was six feet under. No amount of work could keep your mind from trailing to all the memories that played aloud in your mind, drowning out the mundane chatter from patrons. 

“Can I get another beer sweetheart?” You hear one of the men say as he held his head up with the palm of his hand. He was using his elbow as an anchor, keeping him from slumping over onto the bar. 

“Sure, what are you drinking?” You facked a smile so easily readable that Jake saw right through it from across the Hard Deck. He could sense that you were off, something wasn’t right. One minute you were happy, the next he didn't recognise the look in your eyes. 

“Whatever you don’t mind tasting after you finish your shift.” The man said with the confidence of a much taller man. It made the damn burst inside you. Fuck this and fuck everything. 

“Careful, the succulent reminder of your own inadequacies walking this way might cause a scene real quick if you don’t back off.” The problem was simple, you’re doing it all on your own. Choosing to stay all closeted in your own little bubble, longing for love, friends and family. Scared of death, scared of life, taking it out on those who tried to get close. But as Jake walked towards the bar, you felt like you could rely on him. He made you feel safe even if being around you put him in unimaginable danger. “That’s what I thought too.” You chuckled to yourself as the man nodded and sighed. 

“You good?” Jake asked as he decided against following the first of many of Penny’s rules for the residence group of aviators. Mavericks rag-tag team of adopted children. The first and most important being no aviators behind the bar. Jake, however, didn’t care. 

“I feel like I’m rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic here,” You growled as you poured the man his beer. The last one you were going to pour him for the night. “My life is falling apart around me and here I fucking am pouring beers for America’s best and brightest tax-guzzling fighter pilots.” 

Jake could very much sense that something was wrong, this wasn’t like you. He thought, however, since your shared moment in your apartment yesterday, that he had some sort of upper hand here over all the others. 

“You need to take a break, just pause for a second.” Jake placed his hand softly on your shoulder as he stood behind you. Whatever was going on inside your head was bleeding out into reality. 

The feeling broke you. Jake’s touch, it wasn’t your husband’s. The man you got killed. It was Jake’s touch that broke you from whatever restraints you had tangled yourself in. The barbed wire that cut you right to your bones. 

“No, you can’t just pause, because in real life the trauma doesn’t just stop,” You broke as you spun around into Jake’s chest. He was quick to look around as people from all walks of life looked around to bear witness to your impending mental breakdown. He caught Bradley’s gaze before anyone else's. Even the man who had unintentionally started a war with the new Hard Deck manager was worried about you. 

“Penny–” Jake sighed as he looked over at the woman who still ran the show from behind the scenes. She nodded in agreement, a silent one. One where it was now Jake’s responsibility to get you out of the Hard Deck before you could draw any more attention to yourself. 

“Let's go outside alright? Get some air–?” Jake tried to reason with you as you shook your head and balled your fist into his white cotton T. Your eyes swirled with a pain he’d never be able to process. A pain so unfathomable it sounded fictional. 

“God doesn’t work that way or whoever the fucks in charge of this godforsaken hell I’m living!! You can do absolutely everything right and still…. Good, people, die.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~**

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[ravisconverse]

While I can appreciate both the mphfpc film and the books in their own separate sense, I just can’t help but criticise the film for some of the changes they made.

The aging down of Bronwyn and the aging up of Olive got rid of Bronwyn’s protective trait of the two younger girls.

The peculiarity switch between Emma and Olive was also so pointless. I mean I guess that it kind of makes sense with Emma being like the main “love interest” and her being the zephyr kind of fits more with Burton’s aesthetic, but it’s still very annoying, we deserved firey Emma.

The loop day. What was the purpose of changing the year to 1943 instead of 1940? It makes no sense, just keep it at 1940.

The postcard from Alma. In the books it was 15 years ago, which allowed for more doubt as to whether she would be alive or not. Reducing it to 2 years takes that away.

Every time I rewatch the film and I see the Olive/Enoch relationship I feel sick to my stomach. Enough said

Fiona’s entire character was ripped away and rewritten. Yes her backstory may have been considered too dark for the film, but come on you didn’t have to age her down, reduce her peculiarity and take away her selective mutism.

The aging down of Hugh, Millard and Horace really annoy me. Why are they children? I wanted sassy 17 year old Millard who is angsty and studious and sarcastic, Hugh who both loves and hates being peculiar and is devoted to Fiona, Horace being SCARED of his peculiarity.

I also feel robbed that we didn’t get Emma and Millard kidnapping and interrogating Jake when they first meet him. Or the whole thing with Martin and them having to fight the hollowgast. “Will you quit shouting and let me bleed in peace” you will always be famous.

Even though Alma Peregrine wasn’t accurate in the film, I am in love with how Eva Green portrays her, and how clearly her study of peregrine falcons comes into her acting.

[ja3yun]

The Sun That Always Burns | S.JY pt.2

sim jaeyun x afab!reader

warnings: smut (mdni). exhibitionism (slightly), fluff, angst, y/n is kinda mean, fingering, oral (m+f rec), pet names, protected/unprotected sex, not proofread, anything else lmk!

wc: 17k+ (sorry)

synopsis: you and jake's high school relationship blossomed into a romance filled with hope and promise. however, as time went on, jake's long-term expectations began to weigh heavily on you, who struggled to meet them. your paths eventually lead you in separate directions, each experiencing different aspects of life and ultimately moving on from your past love. unexpectedly, fate intervened and you both reunite after years apart. the reunion allows you to rediscover your feelings for each other but also forces you to navigate the complexities of your past and present.

part 1 | part 3

a/n: hi! this part is heavily filled with plot, drama and smut. hope you all like it. this will probably be the deciding factor of if I continue the series (I have written it all now) or not. if you like it and want more please lmk!

To say everything was going well with you and Jaeyun over the next year would be an understatement.You had never felt so loved in your life; not by your parents, not by your siblings, it was only Jaeyun that made you feel like the world had its saturation turned up. The sun had a habit of making life look brighter.

Your 18th birthday party was tonight and you had been planning this for the past few months. It fell right after exams so you were going to use it as an excuse to get everyone together and let loose. Did you have an abundance of friends? Not really, you had your group of all-weather friends. Did that mean you didn’t invite everyone in your year that you liked so you could have a great birthday bash? Absolutely not.

Your friends Ryujin and Yeji were there to help you pick out a birthday outfit which of course you had preemptively chosen knowing that it would have the approval of your best friends and your boyfriend.

“Y/N, you look amazing,” Ryujin said as she eyed you in your short black dress with red lace trimming the bottom and ends, “You look so good, Jake isn’t going to be able to keep his hands off you.” You smile and nod, she would never know you bought the dress specifically for that reason. When you were in the store there were lots of dresses that fit your normal aesthetic but you wanted something bold, something that said you’re no longer a little girl. Of course, you were still a little girl, one birthday isn’t going to magically make you an adult but that didn’t mean you couldn’t look like it.

A few hours later and the party is in full swing, your parents are gone, there is over 50 people in your house, and you have to get to see Jaeyun. You’re getting nervous that he isn’t going to come. His text message stares at you as you read it for the nth time.

Be there soon, Baby. Can’t wait to see my girl! x

That was two hours ago. 

“Hey.” A voice from behind you pulls you out of your trance and you look at him, his body close to yours, “You’re the birthday girl, right? I’m Sunghoon.” His sleeked-back hair and perfect features throw your whole state of being off. 

“H-Hey. Um, yeah I am! Thank you for coming.” You bow a little and as you come up, your eyes meet his, and your face goes red. He is so beautiful, mesmerising, unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. The moon shines on his face as it bleeds through the windows. The freckles on his face add another dimension of beauty, his canines gleaming when he smiles.

“You’re Jake’s girlfriend? Where is he?” where is he? You ask yourself the same question. He is always beside you, always on time, always here. 

You shrug your shoulders and fakely chuckle, “I have no idea actually.” Honesty is the best policy but as Sunghoon’s hand reaches for your arm you think it was better if you had lied and told him Jaeyun was only away to the toilet. Jaeyun please come here quick. Sunghoon caught on to your rigid demeanor and nodded. He knew Jaeyun had an unholy hold on you.

“If I was Jake,” he started, “I would never let my pretty girlfriend stand alone at her own party.” Sunghoon kissed your temple.

He was right. Jaeyun should have been here the whole time. Are you too lenient on him? You take a shot of Cherry Sourz, Jaeyun’s favourite you mentally note. An earlier conversation with Yeji pops into your head.

“If you’re going to celebrate your 18th birthday you might as well have no regrets.”

And that’s exactly what you did. 4 hours after the party started you had no sense of yourself, Jaeyun was still nowhere to be found, and you were handed another shot. This was your 9th shot to be exact. 

Jaeyun strolls through the door with his friends Heeseung and Jay. His attitude was relaxed, a smile plastered on his face as he said hi to the people in the hallway; that was until he saw you.

Your body in that dress, your hair tussled from the dancing, the way the smile was placed upon your place, those hands that were on your hips. Jaeyun paused, his jaw that was once relaxed now clenched as he saw who was behind the foreign hands holding you - Sunghoon. 

Huffing, Jaeyun clenched his fists and walked over to you, jealousy seeping through every part of his body. He wasn’t afraid to admit that he was intimidated by Sunghoon, he wasn’t delusional to the fact that Sunghoon was attractive, probably the most handsome guy at the school and lamentably for Jaeyun, he was clearly into you. 

“Baby.” Jaeyun whispers as he wraps his arms around your waist and knocks Sunghoon off of you in the process, resting his head on your right shoulder, “Happy birthday, my love.” You were mad at him, but his touch was almost enough to forgive him. Unfortunately for Jaeyun, the shots didn’t make you forgive but rather fueled your anger towards him. 

You brushed his hands off ignoring him as you continued your conversation with Sunghoon. Jaeyun was hurt. In a way, he understood why you were acting like this, he let you down, and football practice lasted way longer than he intended, however, he wasn’t about to let Sunghoon take up all your attention. “Princess,” he whispered, knowing exactly what it did to you. You couldn’t ignore him anymore but that didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes.  Jaeyun noticed. “I’m sorry I’m late, I feel like such a dickhea-”

“Good. I hope you feel worse than that. I have been waiting for 4 hours. Do you know how embarrassing that is? All so you could what? Kick a ball about? Cheat on me? I don’t understand what was so much more important.”

Jaeyun stands still. He feels sick to think that even for a second you thought that you weren’t the most important person in his life. Cheat. That word echoed in his mind and he started to feel sick. Did he not show you love enough? Why was that one of the first things you thought of? He would never dream of it, he hasn’t even so much looked at a girl since he met you.

“Baby, I’m sorry I got caught up in football practice.” He confessed honestly. Was it an excuse? No, but his coach wasn’t letting him away no matter the excuse he gave.

“Whatever, Jake.” Jake. You hardly ever called him that before, not since you found out he liked being called Jaeyun more. Everyone called him Jake except for his family and you. His face turned pale as he realised how hurt you were by his actions. “Go enjoy yourself, I’m in the middle of a conversation.” His eyes met Sunghoon as you spoke. Sunghoon had a smirk on his face as if he had won in a game Jaeyun didn't know he was playing, and he did not want to be a part of it. 

You turned to Sunghoon and continued to speak to him, ignoring Jaeyun’s sad expression as you laughed at whatever shitty joke Sunghoon had to offer. 

To say Jaeyun was a sensitive soul would be an understatement. His feelings were so easy to read because he never thought to hide them, and as much as he was bottling his anger as Sunghoon stroked your arm, he wasn’t hiding it well. You were getting dangerously close to Sunghoon, your chest was millimetres away from him, and your head was tilted up to look at him. When Sunghoon leans down as if he is going to kiss you, Jaeyun knows he has to do something.Sunghoon had a reputation and Jaeyun would be damned if he let you be a part of it.

He strides over and hugs you from behind not unlike before. Trying to keep his cool and not come off as jealous he nuzzles his face into your neck and whines, “Baby.” Dragging out the pet name was a tactic he’ll admit. He knew you couldn’t resist it. “Can I give you your present now?”

“Is it to leave me alone? Because I would love that.” You spat at him. As soon as you turned around to look at him you instantly regretted the words that escaped your lips. Jaeyun’s eyes were wide, his brain was working overtime, and his chest was moving heavily. The alcohol in your system was making you react in a completely opposite way to how you would have. If sober you was alert she would have comforted Jaeyun and given him a thousand kisses to apologise, but drunk you was in charge and she was dangerous. “I need you to stop being so clingy, it's embarrassing.” Stop talking you screamed at yourself, “Can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” For the love of god please shut up and apologise. 

“Oh.” Jaeyun nodded slowly. He has never gotten angry, not once since you’ve known him, at least not seriously, but right now you see a fire behind his eyes that makes you wonder if you’re seeing things. He pushed his tongue to the side of his mouth and looked down, letting out a half scoff half laugh.  “Hope you have fun fucking him.” Jaeyun glares at Sunghoon and with that, he leaves. You call his name but he pushes through the crowded people to escape through the front door. 

He hears you calling his name but he is too upset to answer you. Your hand grabs his wrist as you pull at him, “Babe, please.” You plead but he yanks his arm away and continues walking. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it.”

“Mean what? That I’m clingy? That you would rather speak to Sunghoon? That you think i would ever cheat on you?” His voice turns venomous towards the end and in that moment you realise what you’ve actually done. “Okay, yes I was late for your birthday, and believe me Y/N I am so fucking sorry. I tried to get away and I couldn’t. But you flirting with someone right in front of me? That’s a low i never expected.”

“Jaeyun I never-”

“Don’t fucking try it.” Jaeyun cuts you off. You have never seen him like this. “I’ll take anything you have to say to me, all the criticisms, but don’t you dare ever for a second think I would cheat on you.” Tears are forming in his eyes but he blinks them away and exhales slowly trying to regain some composure. He might have been upset with you but he couldn’t bare to shout at you. “Y/N, I can’t control what you do, or what you think, but you can’t fuck with me like that.”

He was right. You were flirting with another guy because you were mad at Jaeyun. It wasn’t fair to him. You stare at him and bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying. You want to hug him and kiss him and apologise but your body and brain were fueled by the substances consumed earlier. “You know what Jaeyun?” you started, “How am I supposed to know you aren’t going around with other people? Half of your football team were here on time but suddenly the coach only wants you to stay behind? Fucking funny that isn’t it?”

“I fucking love you, Y/N. That should be enough for you to understand I’m not screwing anyone behind your back. Do you not trust me? Have I done something that would make you not trust me?” His voice is angry but not raised. Jaeyun sees the hurt in your eyes at his temper and it almost makes him aplogise. Almost. What does he have to be sorry for? He said he was sorry for being late, it was you who blew this into a big deal.

You knew it too. You knew deep down he would never cheat on you, and he wouldn’t be late for your birthday unless something was holding him back. The alcohol that coursed through your veins wasn’t helping you be a reasonable person, however. You stood in silence, staring at Jaeyun. He scoffs. “You don’t trust me? Fine. You know what?” Jaeyun takes a gift-wrapped box from his jacket pocket and throws it with force on the ground at your feet. “Happy fucking birthday, Y/N. Hope Sunghoon gets you off better than I can.” 

Frozen, you watch him walk home angrily. Your first fight and it was over something so stupid, something you caused and could easily have been fixed. No, it wasn’t great that he was late, but it wasn’t worth losing him over.

You bend down to pick up the box and unwrap it. As you flip open the box you see a gold sun-shaped necklace with a rose quartz centre. It’s beautiful and it’s so obviously Jaeyun. You were his sunshine, his love, his everything, and he probably saved up for this necklace which was clearly handmade. The engraving was the date you first started school, the day you first met. 

You were an idiot. You had to make it right, you can’t lose him. Losing him would ruin you completely. Running as fast as you can in heels you try to catch up with him but he is nowhere to be found. You spend a good hour outside looking for him before making your way to his house. He had to be there by now.

As you stand before his front door you inhale a deep breath and chap the door vigorously. 

“Oh my days it’s like 2 am what do you want.” Jaeyun opens the door quickly, speaking before he has even seen you. His eyes fall on you, red-faced, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, the dress is hiked up sitting just under your ass. “Y/N?” 

Bursting into tears you blabber out everything you have to say. “Jaeyun I am such an idiot, I am so sorry for ever thinking you would cheat. To be honest, I knew you would never, I was just drunk” You’ve started to sober up in between the running and crying, “You were late for my birthday and It honestly wasn’t even that big a deal, I was angry and stupid. I love you so much please don’t break up with me.” You rush the last few sentences in between sobs. 

Standing in the doorframe, Jaeyun’s eyes are soft, a smile gracing his lips - a complete opposite to how he was only a few hours ago. He hated how blown out this whole thing was. It took him coming home and showering to calm down and assess how undeep the situation truly was.

“Princess, I know.” He brings you in for a hug and squeezes you as if at any moment you could disappear. “I will never break up with you, my love.” A kiss to your forehead. “I’m not angry at you.” A kiss to your temple.”I’m sorry I was clingy” A kiss to your cheek. “I love you so much.” A kiss to your lips.

You pull away with wide eyes, “You aren’t clingy, I was an idiot. I love you, I want you to be clingy all the time. I love it. I was just mad you were late.” Jaeyun nods in understanding and bites his lip, a habit of his you’ve never been able to get over.

“I’m sorry I was late.” He stares at you with his forehead resting against yours. Your eyes are red and puffy, his show clear signs of crying too. You were both so scared to lose each other in this moment that no words were exchanged, just this stare.

He pulls you in for a kiss and grabs your waist as he brings you into his house. “Stay with me tonight.” He whispers, almost unmissable if you weren’t listening. You nod and keep kissing him. 

“I’m sorry, Jaeyun.” He shakes his head.

“No, don’t. Don’t keep apologising, we were both silly.” He looks down at your hands and notices the box that contains his birthday present to you. “Did you like it?” You’re confused at first but as your eyes follow his to where they are looking for you to answer.

“I love it, can you put it on me?” 

Without another word, he nods and brings you into his room. He quietly shuts the door trying not to alert his parents. Jaeyun was surprised at how they didn’t wake up with you banging at the door but he didn’t give it too much thought. “Turn around, Princess.”

Obediently you turn around and hand him the necklace. As he clasps the jewelry around your neck you shiver at the coldness of the gold. The coldness doesn’t last long as Jaeyun starts kissing your neck, his plump lips pressing softly. 

“Jaeyun,” You moan softly and turn to face him, “let me make it up to you.” Your hands trail down his body as you stop at his lower abdomen. It’s only now you realise he’s only wearing his black boxers. “I’ve been so horrible to you.” As you play with the lining of his underwear, Jaeyun throws his head back. He wants this, he really does. You’re beautiful all the time but there is something so ethereal about your lips around his cock. But you’re intoxicated and upset and he doesn’t want to take advantage of that.

“Baby, I don’t need you to do that.” Jaeyun’s heart is beating fast as you trace the outline of his cock. “Please, you’re drunk and I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” He’s trying to defuse this situation without hurting your feelings. What he isn’t aware of is that you aren’t listening to him, a hand trespasses his boxers and lightly strokes his cock making him mutter an almost inaudible ‘fuck.’

With a hand on him, you guide him to sit on the gaming chair in his room. “Relax, Jaeyun. I know how much you love my mouth.” He could come right there and then. You slide his boxers off, slapping his thigh so he will lift his bum off the chair. “I’ve missed your cock so much.”

Jaeyun laughs at that. “We literally fucked yesterday.” 

“Technically it was 2 days ago,” you point to the clock that reads 2.37 am, “and I didn’t even get the celebratory cliche birthday sex.” Pouting while you were down on your knees had Jaeyun’s head in meltdown mode. You were so beautiful, in spite of the tear-stained cheeks and mascara smudging, you looked so irresistible.

His hand comes to cup your cheek as his thumb wipes away the running makeup from your face, “You’re so lovely.” You smile and he mirrors you, “Lovely people deserve to get fucked on their birthday, yeah?” Jaeyun breathes out.

There it is, the Jaeyun you were waiting for, and the permission you needed to take his cock in your mouth. It caught him off guard and his hands instinctively moved to your hair. “Fuck, Princess you’re so beautiful like this.” He looks down at you with admiration and desire. You bob your head up and down, every time you come up you swirl your tongue around the tip, dipping into his slit every second time. You knew everything that made Jaeyun feel pleasure. Over the past few years, you’ve learned and memorised each other's bodies, likes and dislikes. You were convinced no one could ever know you the way Jaeyun does. 

A few weeks ago you walked in on Jaeyun jerking off to porn. He threw his phone away and apologised a million times. You’re not the type of girlfriend that has an issue with her boyfriend watching porn, you too have done it sometimes if he’s away for the weekend to football training. What you did notice though was that as you picked up the phone, the girl was giving very enthusiastic head, gagging as he fucked his cock into her mouth. You had never done anything like that before. Jaeyun always held back thrusting his hips up so as to not cause you pain or discomfort. But you wanted it.

So today, you were going to give him everything you got. Apologies can’t be half-arsed, right?

You smile and lift your bum from your feet so you’re hovering over his cock at a higher angle. Smirking, your eyes meet his and you take his full length in your mouth, gagging as the tip breaches the back of your throat.

“Baby be careful.” Jaeyun was always attentive, always caring, but right now you needed to see him lose control. You don’t come off his cock but rather sit with his dick in your mouth and swallow - a trick that wasn’t easy to master but you knew it would drive him crazy. “Fuck, Princess.” As he feels your throat close and pinch the tip of his dick he moans so loudly you’re scared his parents might hear him.

You work your mouth up and down his cock again, you pinch his thighs a little and his hips thrust up, slamming his cock into your throat again. “Shit, baby I’m sorry.” You simply moan trying to let him know that's what you want. You pinch him again and he gets the memo. “Oh? Does my love want me to fuck her pretty little mouth?” You’re dripping by this point and hum around him in acknowledgment. He leans down and pulls you off his cock. “Tell me you want it.” Jaeyun’s hand has your hair in a ponytail. 

“I want you to fuck my throat until I can’t speak anymore.” A groan leaves his body. You’re perfect, he doesn’t understand where you came from, or how you both exist in this lifetime together, but he is so thankful.

“If it gets too much just tap my leg three times okay, Baby? No matter what. If it hurts, if you need air, let me know.” Nodding your head and smiling you let out a weak okay and he kissed your lips. It's so tender and loving. You know you’re about to get a completely different Jaeyun in two seconds.

He squeezes your cheeks with his middle finger and thumb to get your mouth to open. His dick is red and frustrated, multiple veins protruding around the shaft. You’re starving for it. Placing his cock in your mouth you take him all in. 

Slowly thrusting you can see he is trying to be gentle so you meet his thrusts, sucking up and down. “My baby.” He breathlessly moans as he picks up the pace. His tip is battering against your throat and you love every second of it. You hum in pleasure around him as he pounds faster into your mouth. “Y/N you’re so fucking good to me, such a perfect girl. Always taking what I give you.” He moans and his thrusts become erratic, and sloppy as he gets closer to his high,

His grip is tighter on your hair and he yanks you off before he comes.

“Jaeyun what’s wrong?” Your voice is hoarse and it drives him crazy.

“I need to come inside you, Princess. You can call it another birthday present.” He kisses you and lifts you up with ease, his mouth never leaving yours. “Such a pretty dress,” he states as he lays you down on the bed, “As soon as I saw you in it I knew I had to fuck you while you wear it.” Jaeyun hikes up the dress so it sits above your hips, exposing your red underwear, his favourite. “All for me, yeah?” His fingers lightly graze your slit over the lace. 

“Everything is for you.” The loving confession makes his heart swell in his chest. He needs you so bad, and you know it. “Just fuck me Jaeyun.” Your eyes land on his cautious ones. He hasn’t prepped you yet, it’s already a struggle to make him fit when he’s stretched you open. “I can’t wait for your cock any longer.” Frustration is laced within your voice and your body is writhing for some attention.

Jaeyun takes a condom from his stash and slides it on. His sensitive tip colliding with the rubber makes him wince. He looks for lube but can’t find his usual tube. You look at him searching and take the opportunity to shuffle down, grab his cock, and guide it to your entrance.The shock plastered on his face is quickly switched out with one of pure lust. “Princess can’t wait huh?” You eagerly shake your head as you push him in. The stretch isn’t painful due to how turned on you are. Genuine wonder starts to invade your brain as you think back to any other time you’ve been this desperate. You haven’t.

“You’re the death of me, Y/N.” He moans as he bottoms out. 

“I need you to fuck me so bad, baby.” And who was he to deny you? His thrusts are sharp and pierce right through you. “Right there, baby, so so good.” Your encouraging words spur him on and he goes at a faster pace.

“Tell me I’m the only one.” He mutters as he kisses your neck. He was still feeling a little self-conscious after the whole Sunghoon incident. To think that you could be taken away by someone else makes his heartbreak, he needs the reassurance.

Bringing his head up and cupping his cheek you stare lovingly into his eyes, “You’ll always be the only one. I don’t want anyone else. I need you.” 

Jaeyun practically growls as he picks up the pace again. You’re trying not to moan loudly but he’s hitting all the right spots and it’s got you gasping. His hands are roaming your body, gripping and grasping at every part of you, the action will leave bruises and he’ll apologise in the morning but right now he just needs to feel you.

“Even if Sunghoon wanted you?” he asks quietly and you shake your head immediately. Never for a second would you even spare any time of day for the other, not when you had Jaeyun. You were going to have serious words with yourself once you’re done. You made Jaeyun feel insecure, you’re the reason he’s doubting himself like this.  

“He could never love me the way you do,” you bring your lips to his ear, “and he certainly couldn’t fuck me the way you do.” 

Pure fire and passion rise through Jaeyun’s body. His thrusts go harder and faster, he places your legs on his shoulders and drives in deeper. “You take me so well, Princess. I love you so much.” Jaeyun might have been fucking you like he was a man possessed but his kind and nurturing personality will always come through.

He was perfect.

You clench around him, “Jaeyun, babe, I’m so close.” Your nails are digging into his arms. 

“Me too, Baby.” he kisses you gently, “Come around my cock, show me how good I make you feel.” Jaeyun might be the sweetest man alive but he is still a man after all, always trying to get you to boost his ego. And you come around his cock hard, your chanting his name mixed with a few ‘fucks’ and ‘oh gods’ in there. 

Not letting up, Jaeyun is still pounding into you, “Good girl.” he mumbles into a kiss. It doesn’t take long before he’s spilling into the condom. “Fuck, Y/N.” His moans are loud and desperate as his hips still. “Fuck, Princess. So good.” He lazily kisses down your neck whispering sweet ‘I love yous’ and ‘You’re so perfect’. He wanted to revel in the moment, his cock was softening in your walls as his lips graze every inch of your skin. 

“I love you, Jaeyun.” He looks up at you with his big puppy eyes and all you can see is love held within them. You could cry. This is the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You know it.

“I love you too, angel. So fucking much,” He kisses you deeply, “Let's never fight again.” Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you nod and continue to kiss him. “You’re it for me, Y/N.”

“Sim Jaeyun if you have a girl in here-” His dad barges in, ruining the moment between the both of you. Jaeyun jumps up and covers himself and you with a blanket. Mortified doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel. “Y/N? Is that you?” his dad questions trying to see your face which is hidden behind Jaeyun’s blanket.

“Hi, Mr.Sim” Your head pops up and shyly wave a hand. “How’s it going?” 

“Dad can you like, leave, please.” Jaeyun wants the world to swallow him whole. He has always been so careful not to get caught. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell his parents it was just that they would never let you stay over again if they knew he was fucking your brains out every time you stayed over. 

Mr. Sim runs a hand down his face and squeezes his eyes shut before wagging a finger between you and Jaeyun, “How long have you…how long has this been going on?”

“About two years.” Jaeyun shrugs and mumbles. He wasn’t going to say your 2 year anniversary was a pebble throwaway, he didn’t need specifics. “We’ve been dating for 2 years.”

“2 YEARS?” Mr. Sim’s eyes widened and his mouth slacked open. “2 years and you haven’t told us? You know we would never stop you from dating someone.” he scoffs, “2 fucking years and you didn’t tell us.” 

Your head is hanging low, Jaeyun notices your discomfort, he always does, and he reaches for your hand under the blanket and gives it a squeeze.

“Dad we didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you or mum. I’m sorry.”

“Me too, Mr. Sim.” You squeak out. 

“Don’t,” Jaeyun’s dad starts, “Don’t keep things like this from me again.” A smile crawls onto his face, “especially if it’s Y/N. You know she’s like the daughter I always wanted.” His eyes soften as he looks at you. 

You were so close to Jaeyun’s family after spending 3 years living between his house and yours. His parents knew your favourite foods, what made you tick, and how to cheer you up, they even invite you over on Christmas Eve for a pre-Christmas celebration. His family loved you, you were never scared of receiving their approval, deep down you knew you always had it. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to your mum. And Y/N?” Your head shoots up, “Please tell your parents. I’m sure they’ll take it well.” He nods his head and leaves to go back to bed. 

Jaeyun turns to you and a roar of laughter erupts from him making you playfully smack his chest. “That was so embarrassing.” He wheezes. 

“I am never coming back here again.” You hide under his blanket, giggling. 

You spend the rest of the night cuddling Jaeyun, feeling complete bliss. When you woke up the next morning you received a text from your mum.

Mrs. Sim told me. Jake is NEVER allowed to sleep over again, do you hear me?

I’m happy for you both.

You smile and snuggle deeper into Jaeyun’s embrace. The sun lights up the room, landing perfectly on your boyfriend's face.

________

As your high school life was reaching its end you found yourself searching through college brochures and websites trying to find anything that sparked your interest. That was your problem, you weren’t interested in anything, not anything that you could make a career out of anyway. Jaeyun was what you were interested in if you had to be frank but considering he’s a broke almost 19-year-old you couldn’t exactly become his trophy wife, but god did you wish life was that easy sometimes? 

Jaeyun had applied for Apollo College situated in Busan. His dream was to become a mathematical physicist which has been his dream since he was like 10 years old. Honestly, his dedication and passion for the subject made you fall in love with him even more every time the boy would get so hyped when he spoke to you about it. Fair enough you found the subject so boring but something about the way he spoke about quantum theory or one of those old dudes that are plastered on his physics textbook made the subject come to life. He worked immensely hard to even get the grades to get into Apollo, and you couldn’t be more proud.

“What about applying for Apollo? They do some ND-level courses?” Jaeyun says as he scrolls through his phone. He has been trying to help you pick a college for over an hour in his bedroom. You both agreed Busan or somewhere close would be the best option since you both couldn’t imagine doing long distance. ‘It wouldn’t work, I would miss you too much.’ Jaeyun has pleaded when you were entertaining the idea of looking at some in Seoul.

“Babe I am not applying for a smarty pants college.” You laugh and reach for his face taking his glasses from his face. “Although,” You place the glasses on the bridge of your nose, “I would look good as a woman in STEM.” A smile creeps on your face as you seductively look over the frames of the glasses and see Jaeyun bite his lip. Never once has he uttered it out loud but he does have a thing for you in glasses, a fantasy of dressed in only them as he fucks you until they’re steaming up slithers into his mind more times than not.

“My girl looks good all the time, but STEM would make me want to wife you up right then and there.” Placing his phone down beside him he leans over until his face is mear centimeters from yours. 

You know what he was looking for, that face of lust painted so obviously and god did you want to give into him, he’s irresistible. But it had to wait and you unsubtly let him know by placing your pointer finger on the middle of his forehead and push him back. “Jaeyun, this is serious,” you say pouting looking back down to the laptop in front of you, “I need to find a college or else I’m gonna be stuck here in my parents’ house forever, and only see you like once a month or something.”

“Y/N, you’ll find something in Busan okay? And if not I’ll look somewhere else. My grades are good enough to get in anywhere.” It's a subtle brag but you know he’s right, he might be the smartest person you know in all fairness but that doesn’t mean he can just give up his dream school that he’s spent countless sleepless nights studying to get into. His effort to get into this school more than proved that him not going sounded like the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“I am not letting you drop your dream college because I’m too thick to even get into one measly college. It’s your dream I’m not letting you ruin your chances.” You half-joke before Jaeyun speaks up again. 

“You’re my dream, Y/N. I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go. I’d give up anything for you, you know that.” His serious expression makes you a little uncomfortable. Hearing him say he’d throw his aspirations for you hurt your heart and you didn’t know why. Maybe because you spent your relationship with him watching him work hard for opportunities to enhance his future and in a millisecond he would give it all up, and for someone like you? It seemed ludicrous.

“Jaeyun don’t say that,” discarding your laptop and shuffling towards him you put your hands on his shoulders and squeezed tightly, “I didn’t watch you need an IV drip from studying so hard just for you to throw it away.”

“I might not get in.” And you laugh, your hands loosening from his shoulders to cup his neck.

“You’re a shoe-in, baby.” A smile forms on Jaeyun’s lips at your encouragement. You always wondered why your boyfriend had such a hard time believing in his own abilities, if it was possible you wish he could see himself through your eyes, maybe then he’d understand how truly remarkable he is. “I’ll find a college, don’t worry.” Bopping his nose with yours you take the glasses off your face and place them on his nose. “Let's look at Yangsan-Si, it’s only 30 minutes away from Apollo. I think they have that independent college.”

Looking up at your laptop you feel Jaeyun’s puppy dog eyes on you and you turn around to see him still in the same position, “Babe? You okay?”

“I mean it, Y/N. Anything you want, I’ll do it. If colleges in Busan don’t work I’ll find somewhere else. Take up an apprenticeship or whatever.” 

“Jaeyun, it’ll be fine!” You try to lighten up the atmosphere but his face is stern and his body is tense. “What are you so scared of?” your voice is shallower than usual trying to read him but it seems impossible. 

“I don’t want you to leave me, and that’s what long-distance means right? We’ll keep up talking the first few weeks, then we’ll be too busy to talk every day so we Facetime for what? 30 minutes every weekend, then we just stop talking altogether and turn to texting because it’s easier. You’ll find someone less clingy, more handsome, he’ll be there to give you attention and we’ll break up. I can’t watch that happen.” 

Smiling sadly you try to hide the burning feeling in your chest as you watch Jaeyun’s mind scramble and come up with this whole plot point you didn’t even think was an option. Does he think about you both not working out often? You etch forward and take his hands. “Jaeyun,” you say waiting for him to look at you before you continue, his watery eyes slowly look up, “I will find a college near Busan. I will be right beside you for as long as you want me. And we will never break up okay? You don’t have to worry about it.”

Deep down you felt his concerns too. And with him saying all this, talking about how long distance wouldn’t work, it made you start to overthink with what ifs. But right now you had to convince Jaeyun everything would be fine, convincing yourself in the process. 

His nod lets you breathe a sigh of relief and kiss him lightly on his plumped lips. “I love you so much.” His words make you smile and kiss him a little longer this time.

“I love you too. Now come on and help me get into college. I need that big sexy brain of yours.” Jaeyun’s heaved-out laugh hits your ears and you both spend the night applying for random schools, easing his mind a little.

________

Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.

Opening the next email you sigh, another rejection, your 7th to be exact. It had been two months since you applied for colleges in Jaeyun’s bedroom and time was ticking. You had 5 weeks to get accepted at the earliest, thats when Jaeyun was set to move to Busan, when you were moving with him.

You could never forget the day he got the acceptance letter to Apollo. There was a rapid chap at your door causing your dad to whip the door open angrily, “Who the fuc- Oh, Jake. What’s the big rush?” Your dad calmed down as he saw Jaeyun and his cheesy grin on the other side of your front door.

“Is Y/N here? I need to see her.” His eyes shifted to the upstairs where he hoped you’d be.

“Go on up.” Your dad's head flicks back in the direction of your room. Without a second passing, Jaeyun is taking his shoes off and running up the stairs, missing a step each time. “Who is it?” your mum says to your dad as he laughs. “I think Jaeyun got into college.” Your parents were so proud. Jaeyun had opened your door in a flash and saw you at your desk studying for exams. He examined you; your hair tousled, baggy sweatpants, and the old football jersey he gave you after he won his first game of high school. “Beautiful,” he muttered loud enough to gain your attention.

“Jaeyun? What are you doing here? I thought I was meeting you later?” He strides over and extends his arms sharply, holding an envelope in his hands. The action made him look so young and innocent, like a toddler proudly handing their mum a drawing they did in the nursery. Gingerly you take the already torn envelope and withdraw a letter.

“Dear Mr. Sim,” you read out loud, “We have received an overwhelming amount of applications for the Mathematical Physics BSc Honours program. We are delighted to offer you a place…” You trail off, “Jaeyun, you got in?” Re-reading the letter you squeal and jump up to hug him, “This is amazing, baby. I’m so proud of you!” You exclaim. Genuine happiness is felt between the both of you and Jaeyun’s grip tightens around you. “You fucking did it.” You whisper as he pulls away. His face is brighter than you had ever seen, his future coming together like perfectly matched pieces in a puzzle. You envied him a lot in that moment.

Snapping out of your memory you mutter a ‘fuck’ as you lock your phone and make your way to class. Apparently, you weren’t good enough for Busan, or Yangsan-Si, or Gimhae. Nowhere wanted you. The prospect of not getting into college suddenly weighed down heavily on your shoulders. You had picked courses about things you enjoyed through school, or rather, got decent enough grades in but it wasn’t enough. There were two colleges left that you are impatiently awaiting replies from. One a mere 20 minutes away from Jaeyun and one 4 hours away on the outskirts of Pyeongchang. Obviously, you neglected to mention this choice but it was apparently the easiest one to get into and you didn’t really think every single other choice would reject you having confidence at least one would offer a conditional place. 

There is only one chance. 

Walking somberly into class you see Jaeyun wave you over, his chair turned from his desk to face his friends beside him. “Baby come here!” He shouts over to you gaining attention from the other people in your class. The thing about Jaeyun is that he wasn’t quiet about anything, especially your relationship to many of the girls in your class’ dismay. 

Smiling at him widely, your once dampened mood is now gone. He had a habit of being able to do that. You go to take the seat next to his friend Jay but before you can pull out the seat Jaeyun is pulling you onto his lap and circling his arms around your waist to situate you in a comfortable position. 

“You guys are disgusting.” Jay groaned but Jaeyun paid no mind to him, kissing the back of your shoulder and smiling, giddy at intimacy.

“It's a good thing you guys are going to college together, think my man here might die if he isn’t with you for more than 3 minutes.” Kai chimes in jokingly, slapping Jaeyun’s right shoulder lightly nearly hitting you in the process. That sinking feeling in your chest slowly bubbles its way back up. 

There is only one chance..

“Yeah, he wouldn’t last a day if you were long-distance.” Jay continued on to Heeseung’s statement.

There is only one chance. 

“As much as I love you all saying my relationship grosses you out,” You start to stand up and remove Jaeyun’s hands, “I need to pee before class starts.” Hiding your discomfort from the conversation you press your lips to Jaeyun’s, “I’ll be back in a minute.” His hand trails down your arm and squeezes your hand.

Quickly you walk out of class and head to the bathroom to compose yourself. It’s not that you don’t think long distance could work for you, it's that you know long distance won’t work for him. All the previous conversations swirled in your head mixed with your doubts. 

A ping echoes in the empty bathroom and scramble to unlock your phone. You view the notification as it reads Mail: Offer Update: Kyungsung University. Your heart is in your throat as you read the outcome.

Rejection.

There is no more chances. Shit. You’re gonna lose him. The mirror before you shows the shell of a girl who just lost everything she loves in the space of a minute. Eyes red, lips trembling, a sob escaping your throat, you were crushed. I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go. I’d give up anything for you. Those were his words a few months ago with the weight of his intent still heavy. He would give it all up for you and that was a hard burden to live with. 

Another ping comes from your phone and you squeeze your eyes shut to get rid of the tears that blurred your vision. Mail: Offer Update: Avanti College.

Your eyes widen quickly opening the email.

Dear Miss L/N,

We have received your application. With much consideration, we would be delighted to offer you a place at Avanti College for the studies of Film and Media. As you would be aware our school terms start earlier than others, thus, we have sent you a link to our module assigning system for you to quickly choose your classes. These are filling up and you should confirm these as soon as possible.

We look forward to seeing you next month.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Suh Kyung Min

Head of Recruitment. 

You smile brightly as you read the email over and over again. You got in. Granted, film studies was the only course at this college with spaces left, but if you weren’t thinking about that, you could learn to love it. It was also 4 hours away from Busan. 4 hours away from the love of your life. Your shoulders sink down and the smiles fades from your face. 

You had two choices; tell him you didn’t get into college and have him drop out of his dream university, ruin his future, all for you, or, don’t tell him and go to college, leave Jaeyun without an explanation so he doesn’t destroy everything he’s worked for. That would mean leaving your family and friends behind too because they would cave in and tell Jaeyun where you went. If you just left without a trace he would have no choice but to go and live his future the way he was supposed to. 

The second option feels right. There is no way you are going to be the one to leave Jaeyun’s future desolate, you couldn’t offer him a future better than the one he had already set out for him. So you just won’t tell him. Did his happiness and future mean more to you than your own? Absolutely. And fuck did that stab you in the heart. 

Looking back in the mirror your eyes are drooping, depressed, void of any happiness you register now you have another choice; make this the best few weeks with Jaeyun, or slowly break away to make the situation easier on you both. Deep down you knew even if you stayed away during this period he would find a way to see you, so you accepted it, giving your undivided attention to him just as you have all these years. Give him all the love you have.

3 weeks. You have 3 weeks before you’re away to live a completely new life. You have to remind yourself why you’re doing this, why you’re hurting yourself by leaving your only love. It was for him, all of it. 

_______

Two weeks until you leave for Pyeongchang and you’ve gotten good at concealing any hurt you feel. Jaeyun kept asking if you heard anything from colleges but you just shrugged and changed the topic. He was getting suspicious but you just kept reassuring him there was still a month left and most of the colleges you applied for were clearance so they tend to do it last minute. 

With exams over and school finally ending the only logical solution was for your year to host a party. A BIG party. Now you all could legally drink it just meant more alcohol being brought and because the chances of you seeing any of these people again is practically zero, you really wanted to let your hair down. You spent most of these days in worry and dread that you didn’t just want to get wasted, you needed it. 

Ryujin and Yeji were on their way to pick you and Jaeyun up from his house - Yeji got stuck on DD duty after losing rock, paper, scissors and she won’t shut up about how unfair it is. Jaeyun was already dressed in his blue double denim outfit accessorised with a graphic white t-shirt, some old silver chains hanging from his black D&G belt, rings that you’ve felt on your throat more than once displayed on his fingers and a pearl necklace he got as a gift from Heeseung. His hair was bouncy and parted the way he liked it, with his forehead showing. Jaeyun was the most gorgeous boy you had ever seen and every day you noticed something different. Walking out of your bathroom you notice how his shoulders have gotten slightly broader.

“Have you been going to the gym?” You question nonchalantly as you fix your earrings, staring at him while he scrolls through his phone. He shrugs and continues with his eyes fixated on the phone. You huff, waiting for your boyfriend to notice you and the clear effort you made in your outfit. The gold two-piece you bought left little to the imagination and you felt so powerful and sexy in it. 

Dragging your tongue over your front teeth you walk behind him and rub your delicate hands on his shoulders. “You’ve gotten bigger, width-wise.” You flirt.

“Dunno must be all the extra lifting at work. Shits heavy.” He mumbles, liking pictures on Instagram as if you aren’t there. Usually, you would be offended but you learned that sometimes Jaeyun is just a little dense when it comes to attention. So you take matters into your own hands.

One of your hands never leaves his shoulder as you circle to his front, one leg hiking over so you can straddle his lap, head tilted as you wait for him to look at you. Finally, but not nearly as quickly as you want, he looks at you, his mouth open as his eyes trail up and down your body, absentmindedly locking his phone and throwing it not caring where it landed. “Fuck.”

You nod and smile coyly, biting your lip. “Do I look good?” Your fingers dance up his chest and wrap around his neck as you shift your weight slightly until you’re sitting right on his clothed dick. 

“Shit, Princess you look fucking ethereal,” Jaeyun says as his hands rub your arms until they find their way to your waist, “Do we have to go? I don’t want anyone else to see you like this.” He laughs and kisses your lips, his eyes looking up at you with adoration.

“Yes!” you exclaim, “I wanna get drunk and dance.” You shuffle off his lap and pull his hand so he’s standing. Instinctively, his arms circle around your waist. “Plus you get to tell everyone this,” you point to yourself, “is all yours.” Your boyfriend's eyes roll but he bites his lip, probably the sexiest habit he does. 

“Baby don’t tempt me, I’ll go into that party and put on a show so they know who you belong to,” You moan as his hands grab your ass, and his eyebrow quirks. “Oh? Do you like that idea? So I should just bend you over in the middle of it and fu-” Swiftly you clamp a hand over his mouth and laugh.

“Shut up. You know what I mean.” Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes. “You’re so horny all the time.” He shrugs again and takes your hand that’s placed over his mouth, kissing your palm before he intertwines your fingers with his. “We better head down and say goodbye to your parents.” Sauntering away he pulls you back and kisses you deeply taking your breath away. 

Jaeyun groans as he tastes your cherry lip oil, the same taste he’s had the pleasure of devouring for 3 years. Desperately his hand grabs your waist and pulls you closer. He can’t get enough of you and honestly, he doesn’t think he ever will.

“Jaeyun,” you whisper against his lips but he simply keeps kissing you, his tongue invading your mouth when you speak only making him crave you more. “Baby, we need to go,”

“No,” He whines and picks you up, your legs wrapped around his waist, “can’t wait to punch guys in the face for looking at you too long.” his voice whispers in between kisses and you throw your head back laughing. 

As your actions expose your neck he places kisses all over, focusing on a spot just above your freckle, a gasp escapes your lip. Jaeyun is sucking and biting at the spot and you realise what he’s doing and your eyes fly open, “Jaeyun!” you warn him but he keeps going and it feels too good to stop.

Pulling away he examines his work and smirks. A hickey. A big red soon to be deep black and purple hickey starts to appear on the base of your neck. “There.” He kisses it once and then proceeds to look in your eyes innocently. “Everyone will know you’re mine.”

Rushing to the mirror you see the red mark and sigh, half annoyed half amused. “What are you? 13?” A rumbled laugh comes from behind you. 

“Just possessive. Can’t have another Sunghoon situation now can I.” Jaeyun jokes but it makes you wince. You try to forget that birthday night as much as possible. “I can’t lose you. Not for anything.” His sweet words turn over in the acid of your stomach. You think about what you’re going to do just two weeks from now and you feel sick. You have to tell him, but you can’t. This is what’s best.

Putting on a facade you smile and kiss him on the cheek and walk by him. “That won’t happen, babe.” 

A honk from outside diverts both of your attention and you scurry downstairs, eagerly awaiting the party that lies ahead. 

Arriving at the party it’s already in full swing, classes from all over the city have come to celebrate the end of an era. Looking around at the dim lights, strobe effects, and some people making out in the corner you wonder if you were actually in a club rather than someone’s house.

“Who’s house is this?” You ask no one but Yeji turns around. “Kobayashi Daigo. Was in your class for like 2 years.” She laughs and shakes her head. In her mind, she knew she shouldn’t be surprised you don’t know him considering you only ever spoke to Jaeyun or your friends.

“I’ll get you a drink, baby, come on.” Jaeyun whispers lowly and guides you towards the kitchen, his hands on either side of your hips. There was something about his big hands on your waist that made your whole being melt and just follow anything he said. 

When you get to the kitchen you see a bottle of Tequila Rose with your name on it and as you pick it up there is a strong hand taking it from you. “Princess, you want a double?” Jaeyun takes the bottle and starts to pour his own and eyes you as he awaits your answer. 

“Double.” You smile mischievously as you watch the liquid pour into the glass. The pink drink is brimming to the top of a tall shot glass as you lift it to your lips, your eyes never leaving Jaeyuns’. “Cheers.”

“Cheers, baby girl.” He slams the shot on the worktop and then downs it, his Adam’s apple bobbing harshly as he swallows the soft shot. You can’t take your eyes off him as you swallow your drink.

“You’re so hot.” You murmur still looking into his eyes and he chuckles at your statement, pouring another shot.

“To us, to Busan, to forever.” He cheers and takes the shot of happiness, while you chug the shot down and it suddenly tastes bitter. You need about 15 of them to forget the man in front of you is the one you’re leaving. 

Suddenly it’s 3 hours later and you’re drunk, still aware, but are one drink away from hanxiety the next day. “Love, dance with me.” Jaeyun licks your ear and leads you to the middle of the living room which serves tonight as a dance floor. Pressing your body against his you start to dance to whatever pop song seems to be playing in the background, your hips swaying against him, your arse pressed to his groin and one hand reaching to the back of his head, the feeling of pure bliss overtaking you. 

You can feel his cock growing hard beneath you as you grind into him. You look up to him but his eyes are fixated on someone else at the other end of the room. Sunghoon. Internally you cringe thinking about what happened last time, and honestly, the black-haired boy has been nothing but respectful towards you after your birthday, but that doesn’t mean Jaeyun doesn’t feel his shoulders go rigid as he sees the attractive guy’s stare burn into you. Sunghoon's crush on you never left and Jaeyun was all too aware. He had to show Sunghoon you were his girl, so, Jaeyun’s hand slid down the front of you, his middle and forefinger dancing over your skin. “Jaeyun, what are you doing?”

No answer. But as his eyes fixate on the boys across from you, he smirks and slinks his fingers up your skirt, bypassing your underwear. A gasp suddenly leaves your lips as his fingertips ghost over your clit. “Jae…there are people around, let's go somewhere- '' A hard press to your core stops your sentence and you lose all sense of yourself, Jaeyun’s thumb now rubbing your nub. The music surrounding you is suddenly muted, and the air is too hot as two of his fingers invade your entrance hitting the spot that has your legs shaking. Jaeyun smirks as you try to hold your groan in, his eyes on a furious Sunghoon. It had been over a year but Jaeyun still liked to rub it into dear Sunghoon that he got the girl. “I’m serious, Jaeyun.” you whisper but his fingers only increase the pace, kissing your neck softly, tracing over his previous mark on occasion.

“You want me to stop, baby?” His voice is hoarse and mocking, and all you can let out is a moan, tossing your head back onto his shoulder, not caring if the whole party sees him touching you. His fingers move faster and with more urgency as he feels you clench around him. “Good girl.” thankfully the lights were so low and everyone was beyond obliterated due to the overconsumption of alcohol that no one was noticing, well, everyone but Sunghoon. “Come for me, Princess, show them it’s me that makes you feel this good.” His lips trace your ear as he picks up the pace, eager to get you off. His eyes are not leaving Sunghoons’. Your high comes crashing over you as his fingers hit your sweet spot and thumb traces your clit harshly, it takes every part of you not to moan like a common porn star. Sunghoon awkwardly coughs at the sight and turns away embarrassed and absolutely livid. 

You however are riding out your climax on your boyfriend’s fingers. “Fuck, Jaeyun.” you breathe out and he chuckles behind your ear, turning you around to face him.

“Good?”

“Fantastic.” You laugh until he sticks his fingers into your mouth, letting you taste your own release and you whimper, lapping his digits with your tongue. “So beautiful.” He whispers watching you.

This party was exactly what you needed.

________

Two days until you leave. There is an aching in your chest as you attend your job for the last time. It was a shitty convenience store job but you loved it deep down. The regulars, your boss, the people you worked with. You won’t miss the bright blue uniform though. You remember the day you told Jaeyun you got the job and he acted like you became the CEO of some high-end company. ‘My beautiful hard-working girl, I can’t even begin to describe the pride in my heart’ the memory of him picking you up and kissing you all over floods every inch of your body. The way he kissed you and the way his eyes sparkled as they bore into yours, that grin that was plastered on his face as he suggested congratulatory sex - he would use any excuse.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Jaeyun comes behind you wrapping his arms around you and his lips kissing your neck softly. You sink into him, his usual citrus with a woody undertone engulfs your senses. Biting your lip you try not to get caught up in this feeling. “Miss me?”

“Jaeyun I’m working,” Turning around you look into his big, shimmering eyes and suddenly regret everything you’ve been doing. To him, to yourself. He simply smiles and kisses you lovingly, one long everlasting kiss followed by small pecks, feeling his smile with each one. 

“You get off soon, just bail.” His plump pink lips trail down your jaw and land back on your neck. It's hard not to give in to him. 

“Baby, let me finish.” You pout and try to focus on stacking the shelves of the local mart. 

Jaeyun’s hands grip your hips harder leaning in to whisper in your ear, “I can make you finish if you want.” His teeth nip at your earlobe and you feel his smirk appearing. This boy will be the death of you. Jaeyun revels in the effect he has on you as he can almost hear your heart beating through your chest. He thinks only soulmates can notice minute things like that.

“I will attend to your every need when my shift is over, but for the next 20 minutes these cans of butter beans have my full attention.” He laughs and kisses you. 

“Butter beans…I love it when you talk dirty.” You slap his chest lightly and laugh. You’ll miss this. Maybe you should just tell him, to change your plans. You could find work in Busan surely. One look at him and you’d drop everything for him, hell, you were even planning to skip the end of your shift just so he could fuck you in his car. You needed him. That was the problem. You needed him, relied on him. 

Pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind you smile up at your puppy boyfriend and wrap your arms around his neck, “Sim Jaeyun you are the most infuriating person I have ever met.” 

The sun creeps in the shop windows and lights up his face as he smiles and pecks your lips. 

“You love me though.” He declares proudly, his teeth showing as he beams widely. 

“So much.” Too much. 

“Good, then hurry up and get this shift out the way so I can have you all to myself.” With that he kisses you, biting your bottom lip as he pulls away. Jaeyun finds you irresistable whenever he sees you and his heart bursts with pride that you are his. “I have a surprise for you.” His eyebrows raise cheekily as he bites his lip and he leaves the store in a hurry. He goes to double-check he has everything he needs.

While you were at work you had no idea Jaeyun was planning anything. 

Jaeyun phones Heeseung to check in and make sure everything is set up. Heesung doesn’t appreciate the interrogation considering the plan was actually his idea but he lets his best friend away with it considering this was a big deal for him.

“Yes Jake everything is set up, i followed your strict to-the-point plan exactly as.” Heeseung rolled his eyes affectionately over the phone. He loved Jaeyun so much, being the only one of his friends that left for college early was hard, but he came back when he could and he would be damned if he missed this.

“Thanks, mate. I owe you one. And the r-”

“In the glove compartment. I told you, everything is sorted.” Jaeyun exhales and checks the glove compartment to see the white box. It's prettily decorated in a pink bow with the edges dusted in silver glitter, “She’ll love it. You know she loves everything if it's got something to do with you.” Heeseung’s voice blares through the phone with endearment.

If there was one supporter of you and Jaeyun it was Heeseung. Every day he had to hear about you through Jaeyun, he felt like he was part of the relationship with you. He had to sit through Jaeyun describing every outfit you wore, every time you changed your perfume, and every new song you recommended because it reminded you of him, Heeseung has been through it all. "Jake, stop overthinking it, you guys are meant to be and if it doesn't then I don't believe in love" he laughs through the phone and Jaeyun joins him. It isn't a question in his mind if you're going to be with him forever, it's a fact.

"Shit, she's coming. Thanks again, mate." Jaeyun hangs up quickly, hiding the box in the pocket of his car door. You've changed into your usual jeans and t-shirt and to Jaeyun you look like the most beautiful being to ever roam the earth. "Hey, my love." 

"I wish you would have told me we were doing something, I would have brought nicer clothes with me." 

"You say that like aphrodite doesn't worship the ground you walk on even in jeans." Jaeyun passes off the comment nonchalantly but your heart flips within your chest. He had a way with words that no late teen should have the possession to have. Beautiful and gorgeous weren’t good enough adjectives for him to describe you, he always had to go a step further because to him you were worth more than compliments that are used on pets and under celebrities' Instagram posts. Even if he couldn’t fathom the right words to describe you he was still going to try his hardest to make you feel like the most exquisite human in the world.

As you buckle your seatbelt, face still flushed, you hear Jaeyun fiddling with the music. His car was a shitty little black 1998 honda civic he got for pennies from an uncle looking to make a quick quid. It was so old it didn’t have an aux but rather was graced with a cassette player. Jaeyun didn’t mind because it meant he could make cute mixtapes like in the old 2000s movies. One he even made for your road trip you took during Christmas break filled with all the songs that reminded him of you, most of them being love songs with the one accidental Hotel Room Service by Pitbull in there because he couldn’t figure out how to get it off. It soon became your song. 

“I think I’ve made the best mixtape of all time,” Jaeyun gloats as he wags the cassette tape between his fingers before slotting it in, “you will love it.” Jaeyun spent the good part of yesterday perfecting each song that went on it and always with you in mind. The first song that blared was ‘Love is All Around’ by Wetter. 

“My favourite song.” you mutter and look at him adoringly, noticing the smile creep onto his face clearly proud of himself. His hand clasps yours as he brings it to his lips and kisses it gently. 

“It’s slowly becoming my favourite too.” He turns to face you with love glazed over his eyes. You could cry right there. No one will ever love you as much as Jaeyun does. “You know they’re playing a show in Busan in the fall. If you want I’ll grab us tickets since we’ll be up there anyway.” His head turns to pay attention to the road, his hands not leaving yours as he moves the gear stick. Sickness submerges you and the colour rushes from your face. God, why are you doing this? This is so silly just tell him.

“Jaeyun I-”

“I’ll buy the tickets next pay. They’ve had tickets sat there for a while so I don’t think they’ll sell out within the two weeks.” He interrupts and in a way you’re thankful. Swallowing the lump in your throat you thank him and turn to look out the window, your hand still snug in his. Jaeyun notices how you’ve clammed up but he leaves it for now. He knows when to ask you if anything is wrong and it is not right now. 

The whole car journey takes about 32 minutes and Jaeyun held your hand and squeezed it intermittently for 31 of those minutes, that 1 other minute he used to take a few gulps of water. His mouth was dry from the anticipation, of going over everything he had planned in his head. It had to be perfect, you didn’t deserve anything less. 

“We’re here, Princess.” Jaeyun’s voice and the car coming to a stop pull you out of your thoughts and you smile softly at him. He puts a finger up indicating for you to wait as he gets out of the car and rushes round to your side to open the door, “Right this way.” One hand opened the door and the other elongated to point towards the grassy hill. Nothing was worse to you than walking up a hill but you’ll let it slide this once since your boyfriend has put so much effort into whatever this is.

Side-eyeing him you get out of the car trying not to fall which in your case happens far more often than you would like to admit, “Making me walk after a 6-hour shift should be criminal.” You say as a pout forms on your lips.

Jaeyun’s face however is beaming, “Ah see I knew you would complain about that,” He starts, “I’m going to carry you.” He kneels down in front of you with his back in your sight, “Hop on, baby.”

“You cannot be serious? Babe, you can’t possibly carry me up there.” His head turns and eyebrows furrowed as he stares at you with a look of confusion.

“Does my girlfriend not have any faith in her very strong and capable boyfriend?” One of his eyebrows raises as he scoffs seeing the look of disbelief written on your face. “Trust me,” he pats his back, “get on and have some faith in your man.” 

A genuine laugh erupts from you and you oblige with his instruction. Straddling his back you hook your legs around his waist as he hoists you up almost effortlessly, “Have you been working out?” you ask curiously. Lifting one arm and posing with it he says, “Babygirl I’ve been packing these guns since I was a kid, John Cena is jealous.” Placing your head on his shoulder you laugh and the sound fills his ears like music from angels. Jaeyun kisses your cheeks and points forward, “To the top!”

“To the top!” You mimic him and he goes forth. 

When you reach the top surprisingly with no stops, Jaeyun sets you down gently and you can see his arm veins popping from the tension of holding you up. They’re delicious and it’s the one thing you’ve never been able to get over about your boyfriend and he knows it. In school he’ll roll up his sleeves when he has the same class as you because he knows you’ll be staring, practically drooling over them. One time before coming over to yours he made sure they were protrusive, clenching and unclenching his fists and he was happy with the results of his endeavours, the night ending with you riding his fingers, gripping onto his arms desperate to feel his veins under your touch.

“Baby?” Jaeyun bends forward, his head tilted looking up at you, “you in there?” his hand waving in front of your face snaps you out of your memories as you smile and say a simple “Hmm?”

“I said ta-da!” He exclaims, hopping in his place and outstretching his arms. You follow his gesture and see fairy lights wrapped, or more so tangled, around two trees which illuminate the picnic blanket underneath, two baskets are situated on either side and a bouquet of flowers lies in the middle. You follow the trail of rose petals that lead up to the beautiful scene in front of you. No words can escape your mouth and Jaeyun starts to get nervous, rubbing the back of his neck and letting out a half laugh, half huff. “I know it’s cheesy and cliche but I remember you reading about it in one of your books and saying you loved the idea of a midnight picnic. I know it’s not midnight but-”

The touch of your lips on his cuts off his rambling explanation. Jaeyun’s hands settle upon your waist as he kisses you back sentimentally and with relief washing over his body. You liked it and that’s all that matters.

“Come on,” he pulls away and gives you his hand to take leading you up the petalled scattered path and you don’t take your eyes off him. Your heart is so full and it is breaking all at the same time, “I got you all your favourites; kimchi pancakes, tteokbokki,  some chicken and spinach samosas,” he continues listing everything he has prepared but you’re too infatuated by the boy who stand before you, his dark hair shorter than when you first met, the side parting of his bangs framing his matured face, those delectable lips that gave you so much pleasure over the years and whispers sweet nothings into your ears any chance he could. Your eyes travel down to his blue and white striped Ralf Lauren polo-necked jumper, he looked so beautiful, so unreal. He was yours, at least for now. 

“I love you, Jaeyun.” You blurt out not even meaning to, just pure raw emotion taking over your body. 

Jaeyun has heard you say it a thousand times but it doesn’t stop the hairs standing on his neck and the crimson flush kissing the tip of his cheeks. He noted the undertone was a little different this time, not like you didn’t mean it every time but that this confession was more purposeful than the others. He takes your hips into his hands and looks down at you. “I love you too, Y/N. So fucking much.” His heart swells so big he thinks it might rupture. The next kiss he gives you has you tearing up. It’s so amatory yet pure, he truly loves you and harbours deep feelings not even psychologists could explain, it was more than consummate love, it’s nothing that can be theorised and dissected. It's yours and it's his. And in 2 days you were giving it up. After pulling you down on the blanket Jaeyun starts to unpack the picnic baskets. The smell invades your nostrils and your mouth waters. Everything looks so good. 

Jaeyun notices the hearts in your eyes as you stare at the food. He has to thank Jay for cooking it all when he sees him next. His chopsticks pick up the tteokbokki and hover it in front of you, “Here, take a bite, baby girl.” and you wrap your mouth around the delectable food you know he didn’t make. Jaeyun couldn’t so much as cook a simple lasagne without burning it and setting off the fire alarm. Suddenly a laugh leaves your mouth and your boyfriend cocks his head, “What’s so funny?” Waving your hand dismissively in front of him. The image of him wafting a green and yellow dishtowel under the alarm to clear the smoke is imprinted in your brain. It was the first time he cooked for you, your 100-day anniversary dinner turned into his dad airing out the kitchen and giving a long lecture about how Jake needed life skills. “It’s nothing, I’m just happy.” you say honestly. You were so happy here with him.

He hums and you continue like this, eating and laughing under the twinkling lights. As the food diminishes his heartbeat gets louder, more rampant. The reason for this grand spectacle of a date finally showing its head. “Um, Y/N?” His voice is nervous and you put down your plate giving him your undivided attention. 

“Yeah?” Noticing the sweat start to collect on his forehead you start to get worried. Did he know? Was he about to confess that he knew your plan all along and he actually did all this to convince you to stay? Is he giving up everything for you? Or is it simply too warm on this May evening?

“Hoo okay so,” He starts and turns his whole body to face you, taking your smaller hands in his shaking ones. “I love you, so much, and uh, okay um,” Jaeyun had planned this whole speech with Heeseung playing you in the scenario, the elder threatening to put on a wig and some eyeliner, “I need to get into character!” he had proclaimed. 

Even after all this preparation he still wasn’t sure what to say to you, he forgot all his words as he looked at your golden hour-kissed face that was staring back at him. 

He inhales deeply and calms himself pushing out the air slowly. “I love you, and I have ever since that first day at school.” His eyes flicker down to the necklace he got you for your birthday and then meet your eyes once more, "you took the breath from my lungs and to be honest, every time I look at you I still forget how to breathe. I don't know if there is such a thing as soulmates or twin flames or even matches made in heaven but baby you're all of them to me. I curse the stars every night because they get admired for being so beautiful yet you're the brightest one in the universe, you're my sun, my moon, and all the stars. You deserve all the admiration they get and if I can spend the rest of my life looking at you and studying you like I'm some astronomer then I know I've lived my life well."

A pause, two hearts beating rapidly, enough love shared between you both it could probably initiate world peace. 

Jaeyun takes out the box from his pocket and gives it to you. His hands are shaking violently. "I want you to know I'm so serious about us, Y/N." Taking the box from his hands it's now your turn to shake. "Open it." he huffs out, head dizzy.

Peeling off the baby pink bow and lifting the lid you see two rings and two keys. The rings are small, and silver, and there is a mid-sized heart on it which contrasts the thin band. Glancing up Jaeyun scoots forward and takes the left ring out, "Before you freak out I'm not proposing," a half-hearted laugh leaves his mouth as he takes the ring between his thumb and his pointer finger, never taking his eyes off it, "This is my promise to you that from now until forever, I am yours. A pinky ring," he takes your left pinky and slides it on slowly, "until I can get you a wedding ring."

Tears are streaming down your face as you laugh at the adjusted lyrics he's managed to embed in his speech. The ring fits so perfectly on you. Jaeyun had them handmade and saved up every bit of his wages to get them. They were simple because at the end of the day, he's still only shy of 19 and hasn't exactly got cash streaming in but for you, it's more than enough. Enough to show his undying and devoted love to you. 

"And this," he picks up one of the keys, "is the key to our flat in Busan. I know we should be living in dorms but I struck a really good deal with a sweet landlady. Don't think I could go a day in this life without seeing you, and if we live together then I'll see you all the time." Jaeyun smiles sheepishly looking at the key as he places it in your now ring-cladded hand.

Don't think I could go a day in this life without seeing you.

The tears streaming down your face once ones of happiness are now overbearing with sadness. You were letting this almost too-perfect boy go, all for the fear of losing him in the long run. It didn't make sense but it was too late. Your mind made itself up. It was easier to leave him now and cut ties than watch him break away from you piece by piece. Surely that hurts more.

Fixing your gaze on the key you sob and Jaeyun starts to panic, "Baby listen if it’s all too fast we ca-" 

You forget how many times since you've been dating that you interrupt him just to kiss him but here you are for the nth time. You're cupping his neck as your thumbs situate themselves on his cheeks and he feels the cold ring against his skin, a small smile appearing. 

Your hands find their way to his shoulders and massage them lightly. Jaeyun doesn’t beg for any reassurance because in his mind this is enough. Your kisses and touch are enough of a yes for him. 

Jaeyun suddenly picks you up and carries you back down to the car. “I need to make love to you so bad but it won't be in a car.” His voice is disappointed but you knew Jaeyun wasn’t a big fan of fucking in the car. You’ve done it twice before but to him it didn't give him the space he needed to 'do you right'.

The car journey is filled with silent but desperate touches. Jaeyun is speeding to his home recklessly, all he is thinking about is you. He glances at the pinky ring and smiles; you are his, and he is undoubtedly yours. 

As he parks in his garage and you both make your way up the stairs you feel him pawing at you desperately. Jaeyun pushes you into his room, his lips on yours messily and needing. 

“Princess,” He groans as he feels your hand press against his groin, “you’re dangerous.” 

You laugh, the last genuine one you’ll let out for a while you think. This will be your last time with Jaeyun, you decided on the way to his home.

His hands grab the collar of his t-shirt and yank it off in a smooth motion, leaving his bare chest in your eye line, the hickeys you gave him last week faded but still scattered. Quickly, he bends slightly, gripping your ass tightly and picking you, his lips all over your face. He lets a quiet ‘so beautiful’ escape his mouth. 

“Jaeyun, fuck I need you.” He nods into your neck, gently putting you on the bed, his chest not leaving yours as he feels up and down your body. 

“I know, Princess, you’re gonna be a good girl, and wait though, yeah?” The arrogance in his voice just turns you on more, declaring that you’re his good girl in a huffed-out moan that gets him out of his trousers in record time. The button of your jeans is undone and he tugs them and your underwear off, leaving you bare. “All mine.” he whispers to himself as he kisses up the inner of your left thigh, lingering longer the closer he gets to your center. 

It’s so wet, desperate for his touch it’s like it’s crying for him. “You’re so wet baby, don’t even think I need to prep you.” He presses a butterfly kiss to your clit teasingly and you rapidly shake your head.

“No, Yunie, please.” You slip out the nickname that only seems to come out when your brain is so fogged in want that you can’t even say his name in full. His breath hits your sensitive spot when he chuckles at how desperate you are. 

His hands crawl up to the top of your thighs to hold them down and open as he nibbles gently at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. Your hips push up, seeking his mouth where you need it most. Jaeyun presses soft warm kisses across your core before tracing his tongue slowly upwards. 

Your hands find their way to his hair, gripping harshly as you plead for more. Being the perfect boyfriend he is he complies, groaning softly as he feels your desperation in your fingers tugging his hair. “Tell me what you want, love. Tell me what you need.” His voice is low and husky, his tongue working you faster awaiting further instructions. 

“F-fingers. I want your fingers.” All sense of shame leaves your body every time he fucks you, not caring if you sound needy. 

His tongue slides over your clit, hearing your plea, then gently moves his right fourth and middle fingers up to your heat, circling your entrance. “These fingers?” His mocking tone causes you to groan in aggravation, just yearning for him to do it. He swiftly pushes them inside you, opening you up. He watches for your reactions to make sure it’s pleasant for you and by your open mouth and head thrown back, he’s okay to continue. They hook into you and move back and forth in a smooth and sensual rhythm, touching you the way you like it.

Feeling your walls contract he knows you’re close to the edge, “Gonna cum on my fingers baby? So soon?” He inserts another finger which only adds to the pleasure running through your veins, the stretch feels magical. 

You’re a moaning mess as he finds your sweet spot, thrusting harshly as he works it. “Let it all out, Princess. Show me how I’m making you feel.” His voice alone could send you tipping over, but it’s his tongue flicking your clit and sucking it that had you screaming his name loud enough for the whole house to hear. He doesn’t stop you, loving the sound of his name falling from your lips. “That’s it, angel, doing so good for me.” The three fingers continue inside you, helping you ride out your orgasm. 

Panting, you get up on your elbows and look down at him, his mouth glistening with your release. You stare at him a bit longer, mentally capturing the image and keeping it locked away for a day until you need it again. On a day he isn’t with you. Any day after tomorrow.

“You’re so hot when you cum like that. Like I’m the only one that can do that.” Jaeyun mumbles against your skin as he kisses from your thigh to your stomach. His mouth feels the vibration as you laugh and he looks up, puzzled.

“Jaeyun, you’re the only person I’ve had sex with, of course you’re the only one that can do that.” He looks down at your stomach and laughs with you. Before the next sentence makes you feel like you’re stomach is in knots.

“And I’ll always be the only one, until the day we die, you’re mine forever, Y/N.” It’s innocent on his part but you feel sick as his kisses return to your abdomen. He won't be the only one you touch and you won't be the only one to touch him. “You’re thinking about something,” He doesn’t look at you but lays kisses on your chest and neck until his eyes find yours, “Tell me.”

His iris’ bore into yours and you push down whatever thoughts you have, determined not to ruin your last night with him. “Just that I want you to fuck me.” The back of your hand strokes his cheek and a flip switches inside him that went from concern to lust. 

Grabbing a condom from your drawer he slips it on with earnestness. 

The head of his cock is suddenly at your pussy, sliding up and down. He slaps it a few times against your clit, his signature move and you can’t get enough of it. “Say please and I’ll think about it.” There he was, typical Jaeyun, but you knew he was just as needy as you were at this point.. As you let out a whispered ‘please’ he kisses you, his tip penetrating, “Good girl.”

A deep breath leaves him as your walls squeeze him. He’s slow and teasing, filling you up slowly at first until he can’t hold himself back and his thrusts become more urgent, determined to make you feel good. Your combined moans echo around the room as you both lose yourself in the moment of the intense act. 

Jaeyun’s left hand finds yours, clasping tightly as he fucks you hard. A loving smile plasters over his face when he looks down at your joined hands and feels your matching pinky rings sit next to each other, his love for you so evident, so pure, even in this lustful moment. His heart is filling with adoration for letting him be yours. Bringing your hand to his face he kisses your pinky tenderly. 

Your body is so overcome with love and emotion that you start to cry, crying over the love you have for him, the love you’ll lose. 

“Hey,” His voice a whisper as he stills in you, “Princess, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” The concern in his voice drifts through our ears and you move your head from side to side. 

“No baby,” He hasn’t hurt you, but you’re going to hurt him and it makes you cry harder. “I love you so much.” You sob and laugh knowing how ridiculous this looks on the surface. Jaeyun smiles adoringly at you, the hand that once held yours now wiping your tears away.

His lips kiss the apples of your cheeks to clean the last bit of wetness and sighs, “You had me worried, sweatheart.” He brushes your hair off your face and says, “I love you too. Till my last dying breath.” A sob leaves you again but Jaeyun’s soft thrusts bring you back. 

As his hips find the perfect rhythm again your worries leave you for the time being and focus on how good he is making you feel. “S-so good.” 

“Yeah?” The cocky face he has falls into a pleasured one as your cunt squeezes him tight, “Jesus fuck, Y/N, take me so well. Love you so much.” The way the raw emotion is pouring out of him you beg yourself to do something reckless.

“The c-condom.” You say breathlessly and he slows down, one of Jaeyun's eyes opens

 as he comes out of his aroused daze and mutters a ‘huh?’, “The condom, take it off.” His eyes shoot open and he stops again to your annoyance.

He re-adjusts himself, his hands placed at each side of your head. “I don’t think I heard you right.” Jaeyun was always cautious, always careful. Not once, despite his sometimes desperate need, has he ever fucked you without a condom. “You want me to fuck you without it?”

“I need to feel you.” His cock sits half in you making it easy when you slip off him, “I want to feel it all.” He leans in with his forehead against yours, his breathing ragged and his chest moving fast. “Please.”

Running a hand through his hair now perched on his knees above you he thinks about it. “You’re still taking the birth control?” He sees you nod and point to your desk where you keep all your medication. “Every day.”

He huffs and mutters, thinking about what consequences could come from this. 

“Fuck it.” 

You smile at him, grateful. If this was going to be the last time you had him, you needed to have him completely without barriers. He peels off the wet condom and throws it in the bin beside your desk before crawling forward back on top of you. “You sure?” Nodding you wait for him but he doesn’t move, “Use your words, Princess.” His hand holds your cheek as he awaits your verbal permission.

“I’m sure, Jaeyun. Fuck me.” It’s almost like the first time you had sex with him when you lost yourselves to each other, a new experience to share. Another first.

After your confirmation, he slowly enters you again and Jaeyun wishes he had done this sooner, feeling every bump of your walls cuddle his cock overwhelms him and he lets out a low groan, almost collapsing on top of you and cumming right there and then. 

You match his experience, feeling pleasure like never before. “Jaeyun…” You slip your hand down to circle your clit but he slaps it away, “Nu-uh, mine.” His possessive tone and his raw cock have you convulsing around him, two seconds from bliss. His middle finger rubs up side to side on your hard sensitive nub, exactly what you were going to do but better, and you cum for the second time, but this wave so hard that the breath is knocked from your lungs. 

Jaeyun doesn’t let up, feeling your raw pussy cumming around him only has him striving for release, the sooner the better. If he doesn’t cum soon he might get addicted and never let his dick have a rest. “That’s it, baby. So fucking beautiful when you cum on my dick like that.” His thrusts get sharper, more determined, and focused as his head falls back, “You’re so fucking perfect. Made for me, only me.” You cry out as he continues to rub your clit and pound into you, he’s overstimulating you but you don’t care, you need it. 

“Cum inside me baby, fill me up, please, please.” You grab his face and stare into his beautiful big eyes and he cums. So deep. So beautiful. You feel every drop coat your walls, giving you the feeling of utter bliss. His mewl is loud and his hips stutter inside you, continuing to spurt his seed like an ever-going fountain, he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop. 

“Fuck, Princess. Pussy is taking it so well.” Jaeyun’s kiss is welcomed on your lips as you smile, aware of the cum leaking past his cock inside you and onto the sheets. 

As you both regain composure and your eyes meet you both laugh loudly, his body weight falling on top of you. “You’re fucking incredible.” He kisses along your breasts for a while before easing his cock out of you, the sight of his white cum dripping from you almost makes him hard again. He is so pathetically in love with you, and this just made him wish the ring he gave you was an engagement one.

His hands reach out for yours as he stands up, “Come on, Princess, let me get you cleaned up.” You take his hand gladly but he abruptly lifts you bridal style and stares at you, “I’m so happy you’re mine.”

_____

The next morning you wake up with your boyfriend's naked body draped over you, his ring shining in the sunlight. This is it. You had one more day with him but after last night you couldn’t risk another second with him. Every inch of your body is saying your reasoning doesn’t make sense. If you were so in love you could make long-distance work. But you had made your bed so now it was time to wallow in it. 

Busan will have lots of pretty girls, far more spectacular and interesting than you will ever be. He’ll be fine. Deep down you know this will hurt him but Jaeyun is strong, he’ll get over it. 

Getting dressed quietly and stealing glances at his sleeping figure you hold in tears. You’re so stupid for this. You’re leaving the love of your life because you’re scared of losing him. 

Silently, you slip the ring off your pinky finger and place it on his dresser. The thought of leaving a note crosses your mind but as your boyfriend stirs you realise there is no time for that. You need to leave while you can.

As you sneak out the front door, the sun is shining but there is a bone-chilling breeze that cuts through you, you know it’s going to pour down later. Your phone vibrates with an email from your college. During the night you emailed to ask if your accommodation would be ready earlier and you presume this is the reply.

Mail: From: Avanti College RE: Housing Enquiry.

Dear Y/N L/N,

I am responding to your inquiry regarding accommodation. The room is available as of today, however, there is no concierge available to give you your keys. Your assigned roommate has been made aware of your occupancy and is expecting you today and will let you in. Please collect your accommodation key on the date previously arranged.

Kind Regards,

Cho Min Woo

Head of Accommodation and Living.

You let out a breath you never even realised you were holding. It’s now you against the world and a roommate you don’t know whether hates you for intruding early or couldn’t give two shits. Making your way home you start to run, you need to grab your bag, book a bus, and go. No looking back and definitely no overthinking. 

Thankfully you took the liberty of packing earlier in the week so you could make a mad dash out the door if needed but you still had to let someone know where you were going. The last thing you needed was your face being posted all over socials on missing persons blogs, they didn’t need to think you were dead. So when you enter your bedroom you grab a pen and pad that are sitting on your desk and scribble a note to your mum and dad. You don’t go into detail, just the basics saying you need a fresh start in a new city. You contemplate whether to include the college but they’d just drive up and drag you home, or worse, tell Jaeyun. 

As you sign the note with your name you’re holding your breath and tears. No more seeing this room, or your parents, or Ryujin, or Jaeyun. You fucked up so bad but you need to see this through. For your future. If you give up on your plan now you really don’t have a future and you’re stuck here, and to you, that is scarier.

_______

Incoming Call: My Love &lt;3

Missed Call (67) My Love &lt;3

Missed Call (34) Dad

Missed Call (23) Mum

You sigh and turn your music up. The bus is fully loaded as you managed to book one of the only two coaches leaving for Pyeongchang. Your hands are shaking as you click on the messages sent by Jaeyun.

07:30 am Princess, where are you? 

07:30 am Are you coming back to bed? xx

07:49 am Y/N I’m getting worried

07:52 am Pick up your phone baby please talk to me

07:52 am If I pushed you too far yesterday I’m sorry…

08:16 am Why are your parents saying you’ve left?

08:16 am Baby don’t do this

08:17 am What does your letter mean ‘I need a fresh start from everyone and everything’

08:17 am You aren’t leaving, right? You’re not leaving me, are you?

08:23 am Please please please

The messages continue down the same route until the very last few sent only minutes ago.

10:32 am I will search every part of this country until I find you

10:32 am You can’t expect me to just forget about you? Will you please answer your fucking phone?

10:34 am Y/N…I can’t make you answer me, or love me, but just know I love you and I’m sorry for whatever I did. I’m leaving for Busan in two weeks. Come home then and you won’t hear from me again. Don’t leave your parents like this baby they can’t lose you.

10:34 am I can’t lose you but if it's what you want…I’ll go.

A new message pops up on the phone from Jaeyun as your eyes are blurred with tears.

10:41 am: I love you, I won’t ever stop. My heart is yours, always. Until the sun stops shining.

You let out a sob so loud the whole bus turns to you. Putting a hand over your mouth you bow in apology and proceed to block everyone’s number, when you get to Pyeongchang you’ll get a new phone.

________

Jaeyun’s heart hasn’t stopped breaking since you left. He thought you were happy about your future together, all for you to have planned a whole other life without him. It hurts. Physically and emotionally he doesn’t have the courage to do anything but try and understand you. 

Did he read you wrong? Did he force this foreseeable life on you? Did you just not want him? It’s impossible for him to comprehend and it’s driving him crazy.

As he pulls up back to his house he sees Heeseung’s car in the driveway. He can’t deal with this right now. He loved Heeseung of course but he just wanted to go home and try and think through everything that had happened this morning. Sighing, Jaeyun makes his way up the stairs, ignoring his parent’s questions of ‘Where have you been?’

“Jake my man! Tell me how it went, you went radio silent last night, I’m presuming that meant it went well.” Heeseung says wiggling his eyebrows as Jaeyun walks into the bedroom, his head hung low to hide his swollen eyes. “Jake? You okay?” 

It’s a question he doesn’t know how to answer so instead he tilts his head back to stop the tears and exhales loudly. “Did-” Heeseung stands up and cautiously makes his way over to the younger, “did she not like it? What did she say?”

Jaeyun looks everywhere but Heeseung, his eyes hazed with tears and then he catches a glimpse of the ring on his table. Uncontrollable sobs leave him and Heeseung brings him forcefully into a hug. “She left.” 

The worry that was on Heeseung’s face quickly changed to astonishment. He was flabbergasted by Jaeyun’s statement. “Jake, what do you mean she left?” 

“Me, us, her family, she left everything behind.” The crying only got louder the more he spoke, muffled by his best friend’s chest as he nuzzled in further for comfort.

“Let me call her-”

“No use, she won't answer. She’s going straight to voicemail. Not even her mum can get a hold of her.” Jaeyun steps back and fetches the note from his jeans pocket and silently hands it to Heeseung. As Heeseung reads the letter, Jaeyun walks towards the ring and picks it up, anxiously biting his lip as he looks at it. His promise to you lying in the palm of his hand. Jaeyun starts to remember all the times he spoke about marrying you, even when people said young love doesn’t last you both just shut them out. A part of him wonders if they got in your head and he was too wrapped up in everything he didn’t notice, didn’t give you the reassurance you needed. But then, wasn’t this ring reassurance enough?

“What the actual fuck!” Heeseung exclaims, pulling Jaeyun out of his trance. “Jake…fuck, what the fuck is she thinking?” Somehow Heeseung is more angry than Jaeyun. He grips the letter tight and waves it in the air, “So she didn’t accept the ring?” The glint from the silver flashes in front of Heeseung as he stares with wide eyes.

“She accepted it. Last night went better than I could have imagined,” Jaeyun starts, “It was this morning she left.” A slow tear falls from his right eye as he finally makes eye contact with his best friend. “What did I do, Hee?”

Nothing. Heeseung knew the puppy-like boy had done nothing wrong. With two long strides, Heeseung pulls him back into a hug and almost crushes him with the pressure. Jaeyun liked hugs like this the most, ones that had intent and emotions. Heeseung was fuming and Jaeyun was breaking. Fire and Ice reacting to the same situation.

“You did fuck all wrong, Jake. I don’t get what's going through her head.” He huffs and pushes Jaeyun so he is arm's length away, his hands gripping his shoulders as he stares into his eyes, “You did everything right, she’s just-”

“Don’t. Don’t say anything about her okay? You don’t know her. She wouldn’t do this without a good reason.”

“And what? She couldn’t tell you what the reason was and instead pussied out and left? She should have told you she was leaving last night before she got your hopes up and accepted that ring, no?” Jaeyun knew Heeseung was right but his love for you was still as strong as ever so his instincts kicked in to defend you.

“Fuck you man you don’t get to speak about her like that. I might not understand it now but I don’t doubt in my mind she did it for a reason she thought was valid,” Jaeyun is pushing Heeseung out the door, his voice low, dangerous, “She wouldn’t have told me last night to protect my feelings.”

Heeseung looks his friend dead in the eye, a flame behind them Jaeyun hasn’t seen before. “Yeah? How are your feelings right now then? Do they feel protected?” Silence. The whole house is still as he scoffs and sticks his tongue in his cheek. “Think about that.” 

Heeseung storms out of the Sim residence and Jaeyun slams his door. How could Heeseung say that when he doesn’t even know the reasons behind your departure? Jaeyun is envious of him in reality. He wants to be that mad and get out all his feelings. But for now, he’ll wallow in this hurt for a few more days. Everything will come crashing once he leaves for Busan to your shared- 

His flat. 

[shinidamachu]

inukag was born to be shipped by me and I was born to ship inukag as well

For ages now I've been meaning to write about the reasons why I ship Inukag as fervently as I do and @inukag-week felt like the perfect opportunity to indulge myself, so here we go.

I want to start with how aesthetically pleasing they are. From their perfect size difference to the complimentary color scheme of their outfits plus contrasting hair and eye colors, Inuyasha and Kagome just look absolutely good together.

Their character design makes it clear from the get go that they're visually a great match. The association is so strong that the audience becomes unable to picture one without the other, as if they're two halves of the same item. Different, yet unequivocally a team, a pair.

Decades ago, they already had that classic quality to them and I bet they'd never get out of style even decades from now. And the rich lore that surrounds the pairing only adds to that aesthetic: the well, the tree, the beads, the robe, the sword, all of it enhances how iconic they are. Even something as ordinary as star gazing becomes uniquelly theirs.

Futhermore, I just absolutely love the entire concept of it. The subvertion of the fairy tale archetype, the idea of a love that transcends time, of soulmates who actually work on building their bond. Loving each other was both inevitable and a choice they made every single day.

Inuyasha and Kagome were just two teenagers from different worlds — literally and figurativelly — discovering together what love was. This made their relationship very compelling, because the excange between them is insanely substancial.

And their overall dynamic is so wholesome. There was a push and pull, a give and take, that made it fluid rather than static. Every single milestone felt organic and kept the audience thirsting for the next one.

Nothing felt forced or rushed. The slow burn was competently written to showcase their relationship being build on a very strong foundation, consistent in intimacy, mutual trust and acceptance — recurring themes for them and for the story — and so the stages of their bond had such a natural pace, it highlighted how genuine and healthy it was.

Consequently, there are so many aspects of their connection to explore. There's a never ending room for angst and for light hearted moments and you can adopt a more mature perspective or go for comical instead: they manage to be versatile without being generic and to embod the best clichés in fiction without becoming one themselves.

It's hard to think of a trope they couldn't pull off or an alternate universe that doesn't work for them. It gives the fandom plenty of freedom to be creative and to have the best time with it.

Plus, their chemistry was off charts. The romantic tension bleed through every single interaction. Their passion is so strong you could feel it even in scenes that had nothing to do with romance. And they didn't even need to kiss to achieve that level of synchrony.

They were also compatible. Inuyasha and Kagome balance each other quite nicely. Even in a relationship, they still keep their individualities and remain interesting both as characters and as a ship.

The very thing that dooms most pairings — opposite personalities — is precisely what keeps them together. Inuyasha and Kagome are completely different from each other, but they're actually extremely similar where it actually matters: their morals and goals.

And they longer they stay together, challenging one another, growing through trials and tribulations, inadvertently learning what each other's needs are and fulfilling them, easing each other's sorrows, covering each other's backs, saving each other's lives in every possible way, learning each other and learning with one another, the more their dichotomy turns into a duality, because they gain a more nuanced perspective of themselves, of each other and of the world.

It's a level of understanding, closeness and respect incredibly difficult to match. And for Inuyasha and Kagome, no one else even came close.

Another thing is that they're not just complementary to each other, but to the story itself. Their romance enhaces the overall plot. It has a structural placement in the wider narrative, strengthening its core themes and fulfilling the characters individual arcs, ultimately resulting in a more compelling journey.

So many romances are disposable to their own story, but Inukag was detrimental to theirs. Inuyasha and Kagome's interactions served as pivotal points of their respective arcs. Taking only the narrative into consideration, their relationship holds a lot of weight and greatly influenced everyone around it and it tied everything together.

That's why their happy ending felt so satisfying: it feels earned because everything went full cycle. All of that symbolism, all of those parallels paid off. Anything different from what we got would simply lack narrative and thematic cohesion.

And even if they didn't end up together, they could never be circumstancial. There was a real reason why they met, a reason why the fell in love and why they had ever lasting impacts on each other's lives regardless. It wasn't just love for love's sake.

This is what makes them, in my opinion, an epic ship.

BONUS: their soundtrack is lit and their quotes are simply legendary.

[doliacuddles]

SHADOWS OF A MARRIAGE.

𝖱𝖾𝖽.

𝖧𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗇! 𝖠𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋 𝗑 𝖱𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11

❝In our gazes lie the secrets of a love that never had its chance, trapped in a silence that screams the tragedy of what could have been and never was.❞

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆:

𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌 𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗁𝗂𝖼 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖻𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝖼𝗋𝗂𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗉𝗁𝗒𝗌𝗂𝖼𝖺𝗅 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗌, 𝖺𝗌 𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗀𝖾𝖽𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅 𝗌𝗎𝖿𝖿𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖨𝗍 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗌 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝗂𝗌𝗁 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗇. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖺𝗒 𝖻𝖾 𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗌𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌. 𝖣𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝖽𝗏𝗂𝗌𝖾𝖽.

Red. A color that evokes intense passions, capable of igniting a fiery blaze in the heart while simultaneously reflecting the brutality of violence. It is a hue that fascinates and hypnotizes, wielding an almost hypnotic influence over those who behold it, infusing a peculiar and disturbing calm in its presence. It is said that red is universal, harmonizing with anything and symbolizing the power and vitality of life itself. Yet, for you, red was not just a mere shade but a repugnant vision that disturbed your sense of aesthetics and provoked a deep aversion.

The pain began as a deep sting in your abdomen, a wave of agony that left you breathless. You doubled over, trying to stifle the scream rising in your throat, but the pressure only mounted. It was then you felt it: a warm, wet fluid sliding between your legs. You looked down and horror settled in your chest as you saw the pool of blood spreading beneath you.

Your body was engulfed in a sea of red, a tide of your own blood slowly spreading across the room's floor. The coldness of the floor mixed with the warmth of the blood gushing from you, creating a disconcerting and almost surreal sensation. Each spasm of pain ripped through your soul, a brutal and constant reminder of the cruel reality you were living. The baby, your dear baby, was fading away, snatched from you before even having the chance to experience life. Every second felt like an eternity as your child's life slowly slipped away, leaving you with an indescribable sense of loss and despair.

You clung to the edge of the bed, trying to stay conscious as darkness threatened to engulf you completely. How did you end up here? Was this divine punishment for attempting to keep Alastor all to yourself, for desiring what wasn’t yours? Answers eluded your mind, clouded by pain and desperation.

You couldn’t think clearly. The world around you had been reduced to a single color: red. You saw it in your trembling hands, in your torn dress, in the pool spreading to your feet like an unrelenting tide. Each heartbeat resonated with the echo of your life slipping away, and amidst the growing darkness, red became increasingly oppressive, devouring everything in its path.

The air grew thicker, harder to breathe, and your vision blurred with tears of helplessness. You tried to scream, to call for help, but the words choked in your throat, smothered by the unbearable pain that seized you. Somewhere in the recesses of your mind, the notion that all this was some sort of divine punishment continued to beat, like a venomous snake coiling around you, squeezing until you could only surrender to the darkness.

Your trembling, weak hands pressed urgently on the wound. You tried to stem the bleeding, your fingers slipping in the warm blood flowing uncontrollably. In your mind, a silent prayer repeated desperately: you begged for someone to come to your aid, for a savior to emerge from the shadows of darkness. Tears flowed endlessly, a cascade of hopelessness flooding your face and staining your cheeks. You murmured Alastor’s name over and over, each whisper laden with the hope that he would appear, that he would come to rescue you from this agony. Yet, deep down, where a glimmer of rationality still lingered, you knew it was an illusion. You knew salvation was beyond your grasp.

As the pain grew more acute and enveloping, your memories began to fragment, like a broken film unfolding in painful flashes. You recalled your life in heartbreaking fragments: your early years of innocence, the awakening of your dreams, and finally, the encounter with Alastor. His presence had been like a whirlwind in your life, his dark and enigmatic charisma wrapping your world in a complex and fascinating web. You remembered your wedding day, an event that should have been the epitome of happiness, now distorted by the tragedy that was looming. The day you had envisioned as the beginning of a future full of promises was now revealed as the prelude to a series of misfortunes that had led to this moment of desperation and pain.

You longed with an overwhelming desperation to turn back time, to undo the decisions that had brought you to this point of agony. If only you hadn’t resorted to those rue teas, if you had understood the true implications of your actions… You felt trapped by your stubbornness and fear, caught in a nightmare from which you could not awaken. Your obstinacy had sealed your fate and that of the life within you, dragging you into this irreversible tragedy.

As the pain intensified, your world began to crumble into a painful and oppressive twilight. The room faded into darkness, and the blood spreading across the floor seemed to swallow every ray of hope. Amidst this overwhelming despair, a sound began to echo through the gloom: footsteps. They were footsteps approaching with an unsettling urgency, as if time itself had rushed toward you. You tried to scream, but your strength was waning, and the sound of your voice faded into a nearly inaudible whisper.

Through the veil of shadows covering the room, you glimpsed a figure standing out against the faint light filtering from the hallway. It was a tall, elegant silhouette, a presence that seemed to defy the darkness itself. Your heart beat with a faint glimmer of hope as you strained to focus your vision.

It was Alastor.

A fleeting relief enveloped you upon seeing him, a breath of hope amidst the torment. Alastor had arrived, just when you needed him most. But when his eyes met yours, the relief turned into terror. In his gaze, there was an unyielding coldness and a distance you had never seen before. That expression held an icy void that cruelly contrasted with the desperation you felt. At that moment, you understood that, despite his arrival, the certainty of your salvation was fading into uncertainty.

"It seems fate has decided to be particularly cruel to us, my dear."

Intellectual property of @doliacuddles.

𝖳𝖺𝗀𝗌; @catticora @mo-0-o @alastorthirsty @its-a-dam-blue-brick @speedycoffeedelight @eris-norwega

[miloformula123fan]

Hi hi, hope ur doing well :), I'd really love a mark webber fic with either fem tattoo artist reader or heavily tattooed fem driver reader

ahahah thank you so much :)

apologies it took so long to get out

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

mark webber x fem!tattoo artist reader

---

“Mark, you don’t have to get anything. They just require an adult over 21 to come in with me for some reason, they require a legal adult there, that doesn’t have to be a parent. I think it’s so you don’t bail halfway through, and you are the closest, and I didn’t want to drag my parents out and…” Daniel pleaded to Mark. This was not Mark’s plan of how he wanted to spend the winter break.

“Fine! Damn it Daniel, you really are a piece of work sometimes. As long as I don’t have to get a tattoo, sure.” Mark conceded.

“Thank you thank you thank you!”

“Let’s go kiddo, before you make me regret it.” Daniel wasn’t a kid, not at all if he was going to race in f1 next year and get a tattoo this year. But compared to Mark, who still felt somewhat young, Daniel was a baby. So he took him to the tattoo place.

Mark would’ve been slightly worried that he was walking into an elite escort club if it weren’t for the fact that he had read every review of this place to make sure it was safe and triple checked that they were at the right location before they entered and he had asked every staff if they were in the right place. He’d asked the 3 people so far who had checked his ID, the 2 who had searched his bags, the 2 who had chatted to Daniel about design and the 2 that had chatted to him about his design until they realised he wasn’t getting one, and they had all confirmed that he was in the right place. And then finally, they had emerged into a room that looked like a tattoo and piercing studio. 

While the lighting seemed to be mostly based off of lamps, it was a relatively well lit building. The aesthetic was very dark and grungy, but the place was lit well enough that the piercers and tattoo artists could see what they were doing. The tattoo reclinable chairs were all black, Mark imagined so they didn’t have to be cleaned when patients bleed.

“Okay, hey Daniel, I’m your tattoo artist for today. There’s just a few final things I need to check on, and then we are ready to go! Hey, I’m Y/N, are you Daniel’s Dad?”

“Uhhhh, no. I’m just a friend who offered to come. I’m Mark.” Mark offered his hand and Y/N shook it politely. He took note of the bats and snakes that trailed up her right arm and was about to inspect them, before realising that this handshake had gone on for way too long and now appeared borderline creepy.

“Um…okay, are you getting a tattoo today?” Y/N asked, when Mark had finally let go of her arm

“No. Definitely not.” Mark shuddered at the thought.

“Okay, back to you then Daniel. Do you have a drink bottle, or at least some way of hydrating today?”

“Yeha, I have this water bottle.” Daniel held up a small crinkled plastic water bottle that Mark was sure was max half filled. He watched Y/N cringe at it.

“Do you have anything else? I know this is your first tattoo, so I don’t blame you for being a little underprepared but based on the tat we’re doing today, and how big it is, I think you’re gonna need more water so-” - Y/N

“I have some in my bag, just to be safe.” Mark smiled at Y/N who smiled back before turning back to Daniel. Mark pulled out the backpack he had brought and pulled out some snacks, 2 big water bottles, and a smaller one for himself.

“Eaten a big meal today? We’re gonna be here a while and have you put moisturiser on your thigh?” 

“Yeah, I ate a big meal for lunch with Mark, and there’s moisturiser on my thigh, although it may need a bit more.”

“Okay, I’ve got extra, don't worry about it. Have you shown Mark your design? Maybe take off your shorts, and then while I get the moisturiser you can show him your design.”

As Y/N wandered off, Mark watched as Daniel shimmied his shorts off before lying back on the chair and pulling a piece of paper from the backpack and turning it around.

Mark had to admit, it was a very pretty tattoo. He gasped as he looked at it, and if another artist had turned round to him then and there he would’ve immediately agreed to have a tattoo done. The art was stunning and Mark agreed that while the tattoo would take a while, the concept drawing would’ve taken even longer.

It was a lighthouse and a ship, with ‘no regrets’ in a banner on top and ‘only memories’ in a banner on the bottom. The ship and lighthouse were very intricate and Mark could almost see every pen stroke that had been put on the piece of paper. As he studied it, he heard Y/N come back and pop the bottle of the moisturiser, and start murmuring to Daniel about pens and needles and colouring. Finally he heard the 2 laugh and looked up from studying the artistry.

“Sorry Mark. I do need the design to uhh tat Daniel up here and so I do need the design. Now Daniel, have you had any ibuprofen, alcohol, coffee or fish oil in the last 48 hours? These things tend to be blood thinners, and I really don’t want you bleeding out on my floor. It’s also more painful for you, as you’re going to end up with more skin irritation, which is not fun.”

“Why are you doing such a big and intricate tattoo to start with? Surely most people start with smaller tattoos.” Mark curiously asked

“Yeah but I figured if I get one big one, I’ll only ever get one so it’s fine.” Daniel said sheepishly

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that kiddo. That’s what I thought, and now look at me. I personally like my smaller tattoos better, but it’s all personal preference.” Y/N smirked before she grabbed the needle and began the long process.

Mark tried to watch with interest, wanting to absorb everything Y/N was doing. But he ended up having to turn away as Daniel got a needle stabbed into him multiple times.

“Why’d you bring a squeamish one, Danny?” Y/N laughed from seeing Mark’s reactions

“Haha, I didn’t know. Maybe you should give him a tattoo, see how he reacts?” 

“No. No tattoo.” Mark chanted as he stared up at the ceiling, hands clenched into fists on his legs.

“How about a piercing? It can just be in your ear, you won’t even see the needle, and it’ll be painless, mostly. A lot less pain than this tattoo, hey Danny?” 

“Yeah, come on Mark! I did my ears when I was 13. Very painless, at least compared to this.”

“Fine. When are you gonna do it?” Mark conceded, done with their antics and persuasion.

“Probably in about an hour, when Daniel needs a break from this tat. Do you want me to do it, or would you prefer someone else to do it, like Jayden, or Alex or Leo? They’re all specialist piercers, as opposed to me, who’s technically a specialist tattoo artist. I can pierce your ear, obviously, but if you’d rather someone who’s probably a bit better, and if you just want to get it over and done with, then you can do someone else!”

“Uhhh, no, no. I’d rather you’d do it, if that’s okay?” Mark shuffled awkwardly, unsure.

“Yeah, yeah, of course, that’s fine. I may get Leo to just talk you through everything, cause I can’t multitask, and he’ll take your notes on preferences. LEO! Get over here.” - Y/N

Mark ended up getting quizzed by a man with more piercings and tattoos than Mark could care to count. He quizzed him on piercing placement, what earrings he wanted in and the care required afterwards, until finally Daniel asked for a break.

“Alright, all good by me. I’ll get Jayden to grab you some food and some drink to get you through while I…” she spun around to face Mark “pierce Mark’s ears.”

Mark gulped. He was certain that this was a bad idea.

And yet Y/N was so soft with him. She sanitised his ears, and put numbing cream on it. She talked him through everything and what she was doing, and the actual piercing of the ears was unnoticeable. Because she was talking the entire time, about motorsport and any random things she could think of. Mark was happy and content, at least until she pulled back and turned back to Daniel.

“Are you ready to resume, Daniel?” - Y/N

“What happened to you piercing my ears?” - Mark

“Mark…I have pierced your ears. You’re all done.” - Y/N

“What?” Mark put his hands up to his ears and felt the small pieces of metal stuck in his ears.  “Oh, sorry, I didn’t even feel it.” - Mark

“Good, you’ll start feeling it soon, don’t worry, particularly the more weight.” - Y/N smiled before turning back to Daniel’s thigh and kept going with his tattoo.

Mark smiled and watched as her hands delicately worked on Daniel’s skin. The tattoo looked even better than it did from her sketches. He tried to not be too creepy but he loved watching the planets on her fingers crinkle while she concentrated. She brushed some hair out of her face and Mark was drawn to the bee behind her ear, looking ready to buzz away.

Way too soon Daniel's tattoo was finished and they had to leave. Mark did give Y/N his number and they started talking, as Mark begged her to come to a race. She came for Daniel’s F1 debut race down in Melbourne and kept texting Mark throughout, asking what certain terms she heard thrown around were.

---

BONUS SCENE

“Nice earrings Mark, when’d you get them?” Seb asked as they met before pre-season testing.

“Oh over the winter break you know?” Mark grinned, determined to not spoil his secret of Y/N

“Nice, you planning a tattoo next?” Seb grinned. He could always tell when Mark had a secret.

“Ha, nope. Just taking Daniel on more expeditions.” Mark said ‘i hope’ he added in his head

“More piercings then?” Seb grinned mischievously.

“Ha, maybe, maybe seb, maybe.” He smiled thinking about getting more piercings, letting Y/N touch his body with her surprisingly soft hands, maybe he’d get a piercing in a more intimate spot next time.

---

taglist: @leosxrealm, @pear-1206 @tallrock35 @janeholt3

[icyg4l]

PAC: What Do Other Queer People Think About You?

Hello beautiful people! Today I will be posting two Pick-A-Piles, so stay tuned for that later. I am continuing on with my Pride Month series as the last days of this beautiful month wrap up. Also, it is my last week here for a while. I will be on break, so if you would like to book a reading with me, please do not hesitate to message me privately! Without further ado, please select the pile that resonates with you.

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-3)

Pile One: You have a STRONG presence, Pile One. I feel like people view you as a community leader that does not fuck around. You organize, you protest, you donate, you advocate. But you also have this side to you that’s fun-loving and ready to party. There’s two sides to you basically. I feel like a lot of people see you as the voice of reason or an omniscient type of person. You definitely are well-respected in your community. People love your voice and the way that you convey your messages. You often speak about issues that plague the underdogs of society; not just the LGBTQ+ community, but poor people, Black people, children, etc. You get a lot of recognition for your hands as well? It seems that you do a bit of traveling as well, so you share your gifts with the world. You’re also a hard and dedicated worker. You do shit for the cause. You don’t do it for the clout. You have a good heart. I feel like people who were romantically/sexually involved with you at one point have good things to say about your skills, lol. You set the standard, no matter what the occasion is. You’re just that girl. Overall, you are perceived well. So the next time someone asks if you think you’re Beyonce, you can say, “Well yes!”

Cards Used: Three of Wands, King of Cups, Judgment, Seven of Pentacles, The Hierophant. The Sun, Queen of Wands, The Lovers. 

Pile Two: You have a very similar energy as Pile One. I feel like you’re less polished though. You are rough around the edges. You’ve been through a lot, and you are upfront about that. People could say that you favor Kehlani or maybe you listen to her a lot. Your experiences have shaped your values and morals. People respect you for that. You’re big on family. You could want a family of your own someday, spend a lot of time with your chosen family or spend a lot of time with your biological family. Outsiders want to be a part of your close circle because you are so lovable. They want to be your lover, your friend, your sister, brother, etc. People tend to flirt with you, but they don’t expect anything from you. The amount of depth that bleeds from your heart shocks people (but in a good way). It is easy for you to be romantically involved with people but it is hard for you to keep a lover. But, there is someone out there that actually wants you for you. You have this je ne sais quoi about you. You are hard-headed and charismatic. But you also have this chaotic side to you. I feel like people bring up your behavior in your youth a lot, but you have changed. Don’t let anyone weaponize your past against you. You’re extremely loyal — almost too loyal at times. You’re an artistic lover with a lot of dreams to accomplish. But buckle down, or else you’re not going to get them done. 

Cards Used: Ten of Cups, The Fool, Four of Wands, Knight of Cups, Queen of Wands, King of Swords, The Chariot. 

Pile Three: You’re like a silent rebel. You go against the grain, but you do it in a way that’s not super loud. People could copy you and you won’t even say “Yeah, I did that”. You’d just go on about your business. I don’t think you aim to do this though. You’re someone that just does things to do it. I feel like you’re a bookworm. You could be into the grunge aesthetic, goth aesthetic, etc. Some type of alternative style is significant. This is authentic to you. People are intimidated by your looks, but when they get to know you, your kind heart does not go unnoticed. You’re a free spirit. People feel like you do magic because you always seem to get what you want even though you “don’t do anything”. I heard “The universe is on your side”. People are for sure rooting for you, Pile Three. They appreciate your unapologetic expression. You’re very lowkey, but you’re a favorite. People admire you from afar. They would admire you upclose if you let them in though, lol! 

Cards Used: Death, The High Priestess, King of Cups, The Chariot, Ace of Wands, The Hanged Man, Three of Pentacles. 

[bettsfic]

Do you have any preferred notebooks? Anything better than Moleskine which I don't think would be hard (!!??)... The ink bleeding through to the page behind is so distracting. Random question but I figured you'd be perfect to ask!! Thank you

i've been waiting my entire tumblrlife for this, anon. stationery is one of my most persevering special interests.

just to caveat, i still use a moleskine for my personal journal, but i only write in it once or twice a month so they tend to last years. i bought my current journal in 2017 before enshittification and so i haven't had a problem with the paper. i use a felt-tip pen on it mostly, but even the few times i've tried fountain pens, i haven't had any bleed-through. it's really unfortunate they've gone downhill.

and i mean, for context, i beat the shit out of my moleskines. and look how they've held up!

the one on the left i used from 2011 to 2017. it went all around the world with me and i carried it everywhere for 6 years. i taped every stupid scrap of paper i came across into it and that's why it's so beefy. the elastic band has stretched too far is all; i need to find something sturdier to keep it shut.

the one on the right i started in 2017 and i'm about 2/3rds through it. i tape some stuff in but not as much as i used to. at one point it was in my backpack in the overhead compartment of a plane and some guy's water bottle spilled all over it. i was devastated. but it slurped that shit up and kept trucking. you can't even tell it's waterlogged anymore.

my mom bought me a special edition van gogh moleskine for my birthday last year that i was planning to use for my next journal. i just tested the paper against the 2017 journal using a kaweco sport bold tip, and the van gogh paper does indeed bleed significantly more than the 2017 paper. a real shame. i'm probably still going to use it though, because i've kept the proud tradition of "use notebooks people buy me for my birthday as my next journal" since i was 14. also, i'll probably end up starting it when i'm 37, the age van gogh died.

last august marked my 20th anniversary of my journaling habit, btw. i was going to write a newsletter about it but it started spiraling into a whole-ass book and i had to set it down.

a close and higher quality alternative to moleskine, much beloved by bullet journalers, is leuchtturm. their A5 hardcover is very similar to the classic moleskine pictured above. i don't use one because i have no use for lie-flat notebooks for anything other than a personal journal (which is covered for the next decade or so), but i love buying them as gifts.

my commonplace notebook is the A4 rhodia top spiral, which i've mentioned in my newsletter before. there is something truly magical about this notebook. when i bought it, i carried it around with me everywhere even though i had no idea what to write in it. i started commonplacing before i even knew what that was, simply because the tactile and aesthetic sensation of filling each page was so satisfying. i go through 1-2 per year.

this isn't a notebook proper, but my research binders are B5 maruman clartes with their corresponding loose leaf paper. again, like the rhodia A4 top spiral, the sensation of writing on the paper and organizing the binder is very satisfying and so it encourages me to take a lot of notes.

maruman also makes the famously amazing mnemosyne series of notebooks. i haven't used one before but i really like them, and as soon as i need a high quality top spiral notebook that the A4 rhodia can't fulfill, that's what i'll be moving to.

my purse notebook is a field notes reporter's notebook. these are new so they haven't stood the test of time the way the others have, but i love the size and the binding, and afaik field notes is one of the few american stationery brands that hasn't fallen prey to a quality drop in paper. i also love field notes classic pocket notebook but have never been able to make a pocket notebook habit stick. it took me a long time to realize tiny notebooks don't encourage me to write in them, because a lot of my notebooking is about the thrill and aesthetic pleasure of seeing an overwhelming amount of text on a page.

my planner is a hobonichi techo weeks, which is the same size as the reporter's notebook and also goes in my purse. this is my first year using a hobonichi planner and i really love it. like the others, its quality encourages me to use it. i've found hobonichi overall is a really good notebook brand.

my sketchbook (which i don't use very much) is a strathmore 500 series mixed media softcover. i bought it before i realized how deterring i find lie-flat books and i think i would be more motivated to draw by investing in one of their wirebound ones, even though all the artists i follow on youtube tell you not to do that. i keep meaning to change it into a collage notebook instead, i just haven't had the time or desk space to do it.

and an honorable mention: before the pandemic, back when i did things and went places, i used a grand voyageur traveler's notebook from paper republic. i'm actually very sad i don't have much of a use for it anymore, but maybe one day i'll do stuff again and return to it. it's weird that i don't see paper republic mentioned often (ever) in bujo spheres, when i think their products are better than traveler's company (although i haven't tested one for a significant period of time; people swear by them though).

hopefully one or two of these stand out to you!