#kaz is such a hoe

[neptunianka]

[cranberryjuicey]

eva and pw era kaz together would have been enough to put bibo in the ground permanently i think

[lagim]

[winterswake]

KAZ BREKKER & NIKOLAI LANTSOV — SHADOW & BONE Season 2

“There’s just one thing,” said Kaz, studying the privateer’s broken nose and ruddy hair. “Before we join hands and jump off a cliff together, I want to know exactly who I’m running with.”  Sturmhond lifted a brow. “We haven’t been on a road trip or exchanged clothes, but I think our introductions were civilized enough.”  “Who are you really, privateer?”  “Is this an existential question?”  “No proper thief talks the way you do.”  “How narrow-minded of you.”

— CROOKED KINGDOM Kaz, Chapter 30

[multifandomconfusion]

Kaz: This is my girlfriend Inej.

Nina:

[grand-theft-breadcrumbs]

This is 100% canon because I said so. Kaz can actually draw but he refuses to out of spite.

[artemis-dawn8]

[freddietriestheirbest]

𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝙖𝙨 𝙠𝙖𝙯 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙠𝙠𝙚𝙧

𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦

[servantleverslutdrop]

yes, trans kaz has always been a hc of mine! trans inej is also extremely good; imo they're t4t

I do feel like he's cis in canon, but it's a fun little AU. T4T kanej is also cute. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Kaz has major T-boy swag. It's the having to work twice as hard because you're a target, having secrets that could endanger you severely, it's the clothes, the image, the drip. It's about building your own family.

[kazutora-kurokawa]

What ab tenjiku guys with a yapper gf⁉️ and I mean like, after the boombayah she'd stare dead at the ceiling and be like "that feeling you get on your tongue when you eat a pineapple is actually the pineapple trying to eat you" and go on a whole rant til she falls asleep. Plssss do this my glorious queen Kaz 🙏🙏😁😁😁😜🤭😍😝🎀😜😭🤭😝🤝😝🤝🤭😁🤭😁♥️♥️♥️

Tenjiku x Talkative!Girlfriend!Reader

♡ SFW, fem reader, fluff, kinda smut on Mochi's, post-sex convos, random facts, questions, and workplace drama ♡

Characters: Izana, Kakucho, Ran, Rindou, Mochi, Mucho, Shion

note: glorious queen is crazy 😭 pls continue tho lmao

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Izana

🎴 He's not trying to hear that yapping

"Zana, did you know that cats basically brainwashed humans into loving them?"

"...what?"

🎴 He'll roll over and ignore you until you shut up

🎴 Yap enough and he'll leave the room and sleep on the couch

Kakucho

🩷 He loves listening to you talk, but it's late at night and he's tired

🩷 He politely asks you to be quiet

"Kaku, do you ever think-"

"Babygirl, y'know I love listening to you yap all day, but please lemme get some sleep."

🩷 Cuddles you and buries your face in his chest so you'll shut up

Ran

💜 This man values his beauty sleep, so he hates the rants fr

"Ran, if you had the power to stop time for as long as you want, what would you do?"

"I'd get some damn rest, now go to bed princess."

💜 Puts noise cancelling headphones in to block you out

Rindou

🩵 Happily listens to your yapping

"Then the lady started going off, calling my boss out of his name and shit."

"Oh really?...Then what baby?"

🩵 Falls asleep while you're talking, your voice is soothing for him

🩵 He's the type of boyfriend to fall asleep on calls too

Mochi

🍡 Doesn't mind the yapping at first

"Then the guy started traveling through time to save his childhood friends and-"

"Darling I'm gonna stop you right there, because if you got time to yap, then you have energy for another round."

🍡 Prefers you whimpering and moaning rather than talking his ears off

Mucho

💙 Doesn't even let you start yapping

"Baby if-"

*Covers your mouth with his hand* "It's time for bed love."

💙 I swear he'd be like an old man, going to sleep early and shit lol

Shion

♥️ Listens intently to every word you say

"Did you know some sharks eat their siblings in the womb?"

"That's fucking vicious...tell me more."

♥️ Stays up all night talking to you until you fall asleep

♥️ He hates when you fall asleep before him, he doesn't like the silence or the absence of your voice

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Taglist

@arlerts-angel @i-literally-cant-with-this @trevengersprincess @giugiette @katkusuo @happy-trenchcoated-impala @drunkcheesecake @darkstarlight82 @reiners-milkbiddies @manji-hoe

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Six of Crows characters x Parks and Rec quotes part two (I have so many of these you guys I love them so much)

Nina: You know my code. Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries

Matthias: Jogging is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?

Pekka Rollins: it’s a white flag, and you better start waving it

Kaz: THE ONLY THING I WILL BE WAVING IS YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD ON A STICK IN FRONT OF YOUR WEEPING MOTHER

Rollins: … Good Lord

Jesper: One person's annoying is another person's inspiring and heroic

Wylan: I don't want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life

Kaz: I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road

Inej when she breaks Van Eck’s nose: I believe assault should be legal if the person is a jerk

Kaz: Ugh, I hate talking to people about things

Inej to Pekka at the end of Crooked Kingdom: Yes, I am a hunter and it's you season

Wylan: I totally hear you, but, erm, I also don't like what you're saying. So if you say no, I will start a fire in the bathroom

Kaz to Inej: I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you

Kaz: I only really listen to, like, German Death Reggae and Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. And Bette Midler. Obviously

Matthias arriving in the Barrel for the first time: This seems like the kind of place where a Ska band would go to shoot heroin

Nina: I'm gonna get drunk and then I'm gonna order a three-course meal where each course is made of dessert

[izgoyem]

These hoes tryna distract Kaz…it might be working.

[butchsolidsnake]

Ocelot is so oppressed. Kaz got to have on screen gay sex with Big Boss, even though he's a hoe and not loyal to the end, unlike Ocelot. And yet, Bibo didn't let Ocelot hit it? Fucked up.

[multifandomconfusion]

Six of Crows as “I Want a Baby” text

Inej: blue, Kaz: gray

Blue: Nina, Gray: Matthias

Blue: Jesper, Gray: Wylan

Blue: Jesper, Gray: Kaz

Blue: Wylan, Gray: Jesper

[artemisarcher22]

the crows as things my english teacher has said part 2

kaz: "I got a garden hoe and killed it"

inej: "I don't like killing things"

jesper: "moisturiser won't cope with that"

wylan: "I don't have a dog, I should get a dog, how much does a dog cost? can you get a dog for free?"

nina: "I'm god, I know you know that"

matthias: "a heterosexual set up, is that what you call it? I need a dictionary"

[shywhumpauthor]

To the Victor the Spoils—Part Five

Amusing

Previous || Masterlist

Cw: torture, implied massacre/burning/destruction, kidnapping, restraints

There was just something about him, the arrogant set to his shoulders, the steel behind his eyes, the way the grin curled across his lips, shit, you can’t help it.

A laugh bubbles past your lips and you lean forwards, pressing your forehead to the pillar as heat rises to your face.

You know you shouldn’t be—there is nothing funny at all about this. You are tied to a column, a guard uncurling a long iron-beaded whip not ten feet behind you, your kingdom undoubtedly burnt to the ground. When you had been captured, just before they had blindfolded you in the carriage, you had seen through the small window gap, thick black smoke curling across the blue sky. The entire town square had been ablaze, by now it would be reduced to nothing but ash.

The king’s expression flattened with confusion, but it only lasted a moment before a sharp crack fractured the air.

Your laugh breaks into a sharp cry as the whip split across your shoulder blades, the beaded tail catching and ripping open the flesh. Blood begins to well almost instantly.

“Not laughing anymore, I see,” the king chuckled, stepping back to lower himself into his throne. He propped one arm on the armrest, resting his chin in his palm as he faced you. “Let’s start with twenty lashes, see if you still find any of this amusing.”

The whip cracked again, a line of fire slicing only inches below the first, and you clench your jaw to keep from screaming.

“Oh, and prince, count for me.”

Tag list (lmk if you’d like to be added): @tauntedoctopuses @sorrowful-hyacinth @kaz-of-crows @andromeda-liske @sonder35 @bloodsweatandpotato @merlilica @whump-me @gala1981 @lakelyasleep @icepick-hoe @suspicious-whumping-egg @whumpedydump @thelilbutifulthings @amazingmagda @itsmyworld23 @annablogsposts @whither-wander-whump @whump-in-the-closet @orphans-parent @shannon-foraker @mysticstarlightduck

(Sorry there’s not too many options this time, I couldn’t think of any lol)