#just very troubled i guess
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Oh fuck, that "which was your favorite" post was from a p/ro a/na blog. Also the original post was tagged with shit like "female manipulator" whatever the fuck that means. Wanted y'all to know.
#adventures in things i wish i hadn't seen#i deleted my reblog of it because i don't wanna spread a blog like that around to y'all#this makes me want to ruminate on something something how femininity can also be made toxic but burnout has me in no state to elaborate#basically uh. I'll just say it's good to think about the stuff you enjoy#like a lot of those IPs that post was about feature exclusively skinny female characters. which is really bad#idk what my other thoyghts are im so tired#just very troubled i guess
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It's honestly frustrating that I've seen non-Russian queer people almost bragging about how they would be illegal in Russia, labeled an extremist or terrorist. Russian queers are in danger, their government has made it clear where it stands, and it's made this effort for the better part of a decade (even longer, perhaps). This will kill people, don't mistake this for a quirky little proclamation from a government, akin to somebody saying the sky is pink. Russian queer people were already expressing their fear, and the least we can do now is express our love for them, and advocate with them.
Russian queer people, I love you. I love you all so much. I am so sorry, I cannot begin to express the grief that I feel, and I hope that you are safe. Words cannot encapsulate how I feel as a non-Russian, and I cannot hope to comprehend how it feels to actually be in this situation.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ofc this has been brewing for a long time and it has been really troubling to say the very LEAST#honestly i have seen russian queers joke about the situation which feels different. honestly it's almost admirable#i just can't find it funny to see non-Russians do it simply because the threat of prosecution or death for people is too high in my mind#it feels almost voyeuristic when non-russians joke like that to me#like i've joked about the state of (us)american queer rights when it feels too bleak but i live here#i guess when people only joke about it it tells me they don't think it's a big deal or that it won't affect queer people...#...because it won't affect them as an outsider likely#it's just shitty. all around. and it's the type of thing that i'm not sure what to do#queerphobia#queerphobia tw
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finally drew clora and seb's kids!!🙌🙌
Celeste Sallow: OK THIS IS THE NAME IM SUPER PROUD OF BAHAHA because not only does the name celeste relate to the stars (in typical ravenclaw fashion...clora picked the name) but celeste sallow is also an alliteration. BUT, its an alliteration that begins with a C, which means clora gets to match with celeste in the form of both of their names starting with a C, whereas sebastian gets to match with celeste because both of their names are an alliteration/they're alliteration allies🥹ITS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!🥳
Lewis Sallow: as for lewis, if you've read my fic then you know that seb has a vendetta against names that start with an L bahaha, but 'lewis' was actually HIS idea. when celeste was born, seb wanted to find a muggle story to read to her, since clora's favourite story is ALSO a muggle one (sherlock), and he wanted to stick with tradition. so he ended up finding alice in wonderland, which he loved because of how adventurous and clever alice was and of how much she reminded him of clora and celeste (both personality and looks wise). it became his favourite for those reasons, to the point that when they had lewis, sebastian overcame his L-name hatred by naming their son after lewis carroll.
Houses: celeste could have been sorted into either gryffindor or slytherin, but ultimately ends up in slytherin because she wants to be like seb. kinda like how clora also probably could have been in gryffindor, tbh. as for lewis.....him being 10000% in ravenclaw doesnt need any explanation BAHA, just look at him.
Appearance: since clora has a tiny bit of veela blood in her, thats obvs passed down to their kids, too, and so they mostly take after her as a result of it. but there's still little bits of seb that shine through in each of the kids: for lewis its his brown curly hair, and for celeste its her complexion/freckles. and the fact that celeste looks so similar to clora only doubles up sebastian's stress/protective instincts when he watches her BAHAH. he's ofc still proud that she takes after him so closely, but seb also cant deny that he wishes it had been their SON that had taken after him instead, to keep her out of danger.
Celeste & Lewis: for celeste and lewis’ relationship, celeste is a super proud big sister, and treats lewis kinda like how seb treats clora. if there's anything that needs to be done, she offers to do it for him. and although she doesn’t have the patience to read stories herself, she loves playing outside and having lewis read to her in the background, and loves to act out/use his stories to fuel her imagination. and lewis makes sure to pick stories that he KNOWS she’ll like (which mostly involve heroic and daring feats of adventurers or pirates. he's tried to read more classic fairytales and romances to her a few times, but celeste always gets bored). she loves to draw though, so sometimes when lewis reads books that have no pictures, she'll draw them herself.
Celeste & Seb/Clora: celeste is a daddy's girl LOL and always tries to impress seb with the stuff she does, especially after hearing how HE was at her age, and so its half to impress and half because shes competitive that she wants to do the same/be just as good. and seb always gets a kick out of hearing her feats in the crossed wands club, or in defense against the dark arts class, and he also goads her on, telling her she'll have to do better than that if she wants to be as good as HE was. and whenever celeste gets detention, clora always stresses and asks why, whereas seb just tries to keep the smirk off his face. as for celeste and clora, clora also reads to celeste, and bakes and cooks with her, which is something celeste actually likes doing. not only because it keeps her busy and she likes to help and get messy in general, but also because she likes the fact that it results in good food afterwards LOL, and constantly asks when things can be taken out of the oven. also, for as tomboy-y as celeste is, she honestly doesn't mind/likes the clothing that clora puts her in and likes when clora dresses her up, bc it makes her look like one of the princesses from the storybooks, and it just amuses her more than anything else. once she enters hogwarts, though, its mostly trousers. but she still DOES like the occasional girly clothing.
Lewis & Seb/Clora: lewis is a momma's boy LOL and unlike celeste, doesnt care about duelling or of proving himself or anything like that, and is only concerned with stories and his future studies. so ofc clora had to show him sherlock, which he naturally loved. it even inspired lewis to want to write his own stories, so that he could challenge his own skill and see if he could, but also because he wants his mom to read them, and likes the idea of writing his own sherlock-esque story with equations and mysteries to be solved that he can offer her. lewis also wants to write a book for celeste as well, bc although he wont admit it, he basically wants to write a story tailor-made for her and her interests. one that he thinks will have everything she’d love in it. and part of it is genuinely because he WANTS to do it for her, but the other part of it is also for his ego, and to see if he CAN write a compelling story, and write something that would actually get THE hyperactive celeste to sit down and read it in its entirety (not to mention of her own volition). as for with seb, lewis looks up to him more than anyone else, due to how well-rounded he is and how hes so good at practical stuff AND studying, and he kinda sees seb as a main character/protagonist from one of his books, and uses sebastian as inspiration for his own stories. if hes stuck on what he thinks the dashing main character should do next, he'll ask his dad what HE would do, which results in seb getting very weird questions that he nonetheless is always happy to answer. also, when lewis is older and finally learns the full story of what happened with clora and seb and ranrok and rookwood, he writes their story in novel form, except he just changes their names/some of the details, and it becomes a best seller LOL. and i didnt know where to put this, but the four of them all read a story before bed every night, with lewis in the middle and seb and clora on either side of him. though celeste stands at the foot of the bed, basically doing a charade/mime show of what theyre reading, and putting on a little play to go along with it BAHHA.
OK thats all i can think of for now ive yapped enough😩 if youve read all of this ur a real one.... ive also considered giving them a 3rd (and last) child, which would be a boy that looks exactly like seb, and seb would just be praying like please.....let this son take after me🧎♂️🙏 BAHHA
#much to sebs dismay celeste is probs gonna be an auror LMAO whereas lewis is gonna be a writer#seb once again asking the universe why their personalities couldnt have been switched....but girldad seb is made to suffer#and yes they are BOTH dressed by clora and her mom if you couldnt tell LMAO#just wait till lewis is out of that sailor fit...he gonna be a heartbreaker when hes older fr fr. bro is beautiful#also i can imagine celeste when shes older using her looks to her advantage BAHHA like noo...i wouldnt do that...look at me🥹uwu#sweet talking her way out of detention BAHAHA shes that troublemaker student that the teachers secretly have a fond spot for#and altho seb tells lewis to protect and watch over her in school he doesnt rly take it seriously bc hes still young#but once they get older and if celeste ever DOES have problems then lewis definitely would step up for her as her brother#but hed do it in a very conniving and indirect way...like finding out whoever is causing her trouble and hexing them or some shit LMAO#and nobody would ever know😇😇😇#celeste would be like I GUESS I FINALLY SCARED THEM OFF/THEY LEARNED NOT TO MESS WITH ME!!!#and lewis would just be like yea....thats probably what happened.#bro does not need OR want the credit LMAO#also hes soft for his sis so he supports her delusions like the good lil bro he is. lewis supports womens rights and wrongs. king#choccyart#celeste sallow#lewis sallow
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↳ You never know when the good you do may come back around.
#went back to rewatch this scene after i heard and wanted to CRYYYYY#niko sasaki#dead boy detectives#dbd spoilers#dead boy detectives spoilers#dbd#also i went through way too much trouble to make these and then went 'wait. im not that smart there's no way im the only one who saw this'#went to the tag. saw at least two other gifsets that already did it.#was like.......WELL. THREE CAKES I GUESS.#mine isn't even good but i put way too much time into just getting the stuff for it so. throws this at you. im crying#at the scene not the cakes. i mean also the cakes but more the scene.#like.... how long has it been for her....#does she ever see them again between her death and this scene? or has she waited a very long time indeed?#will they ever find out it's her? why/how is she in this position? etc. weeping.#gert giffer#i guess
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She!!
Image description courtesy of @anistarrose: digital art of Luz from The Owl House in her Titan form. Instead of her witchy clothes, she wears a t-shirt and green overalls, with claws poking out from her sandals. She's leaping in the air with Stringbean's staff in one hand, laughing and channeling a spell. End description.
#the owl house#toh#luz noceda#titan luz#toh spoilers#the owl house spoilers#titan!luz#obviously very inspired by dana's art of titan luz with casual clothes over top lol#i thought it'd be funny to have the claws poking outta the berks#fanart#for some reason (tumblr cannot handle basic post functions) i was having trouble adding the description as alt id on the image#so for this one i guess we just get a description in the post body for now lol#thanks anistarrose for the description!
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Hot take, anyone who thinks Dick Grayson has a persistent case of anger issues just doesn't know what anger issues are.
Does he get angry? Yes (I sure would hope so since he's a human being). Would I call it anger issues? No, not really.
#if you disagree please show me your evidence#because I keep seeing examples of 'anger issues' from Dick that are literally a common emotional response to a very damaging event#or straight up mental control#'anger issues' is not even a medical term#is just an underlying symptom to many different disorders#do we really think someone who has trouble managing their anger could ever become a trusted leader to multiple teams?#someone who people know they can rely on?#everyone has moments in which they find harder controlling their emotions because they're going through immense stress or anxiety#but that doesn't define you nor does it always mean it's part of a disorder#and I'm not saying dick grayson doesn't have any issues#nobody could lead his life and be completely mentally stable#but out of all the things I would think he has#an anger management disorder wouldn't be my first guess#dick grayson#nightwing#robin#dc comics#dc#dick grayson “anger issues”
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unhinged observation - we all know their colours don't match the traditional ones, but I've never noticed before that on the portraits they put Jeff in red and Virgil in green, but then they swap them over when we actually see them. In fact, //pause while Len goes to look// when they're in TB3, they're all wearing red - like all the space-rated suits, specifically are red. //Goes to check again// and Gordon and Virg are in green with TB2 in the opening rescue to match Jeff as well.
Does that mean, in 2004 verse, they wear whichever colour matches the 'bird they're currently flying because other than them needing 5 suits each... that's pretty cool can't lie good for them
ignoring the fact they look the same, I can be like ??? well yellow must be wetsuits, red is space rated?? Green is ?? tougher maybe, blue is for however many G's TB1 hits a body with when they're going crazy speeds, orange is a spacesuit for living in space etc etc
#Thunderbirds 2004#It's like they're saying 'yeah Jeff's the astronaut' with the portraits which is VERY important to me personally in life#Alan you get yellow bc your first rescue used tb4 congrats ur officially a lil sunshine baby#John you get orange bc you have carrot hair in ur future look out man#Or just bc tb5 has that orange stripe#but it's probably the hair right#Were you all expecting a detailed analysis of the 2004 movie from me this week I bet you werent but here you go!#I've been under a rock for like a year and that tbirds concert hit me with a stick and it's so nice to ???? feel like myself ?????#hello hyperfixation I've missed you#I wonder if swapping colours causes trouble in the field - like - 'that nice man in green helped me!' 'who tf was wearing green today????'#It also implies that they can all fly all of the Thunderbirds whenever needed#which is very practical of them#I love the classic TOS Space Monitor rotation#but I guess orange John has the //handwaves the science// spaaaaace elevator#to rock up home whenever he likes in TAG so there's less need for it
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okay now that i'm no longer trying to keep a project secret from certain people i can complain publicly about a thing i've been losing my mind about:
why the fuck is the evo wiki like that.
listen. i know. i know fandom wikis being decent entirely relies on whether there are people who both want to obsessively categorize things enough to fill out the wiki, with the free time to do that kind of obsessive categorization, and the desire to manage it all as a wiki. believe me, i know. but please i'm just trying to do research please, please at least bigb's page was just Entirely Empty so i knew i had useless information and just left. why the fuck did the mafia's page, by contrast, have this:
a sentence that is actively LESS USEFUL THAN IF IT WERE NOT THERE.
and then grian's page - GRIAN'S. GRIAN'S. THE ONE PAGE I THOUGHT MIGHT HAVE A SHOT OF BEING FILLED OUT. JOKE'S ON ME I GUESS.
BECAUSE IT HAS THIS????? I'M LOSING MY MIND. WHY ON EARTH IS THE WIKI LIKE THIS. WHY IS IT THIS BAD. PLEASE I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT EVERYONE'S RELATIONSHIPS WITH JIMMY AND MARTYN WERE PLEASE,
anyway thankfully i had friends who could help me with their own knowledge and who also found the evo recap but in conclusion i have been being driven mad by this for weeks, thank you for coming to my ted talk.
#evo smp#wailing and screaming. why is it THIS BAD#and like i know. i know fandom wikis can be very abandoned.#it's not like the hc wiki is actually all that good either (especially for less-watched hermits)#but this feels like 'bad because abandoned and lots of blank pages' and more ACTIVELY TRYING TO UN-HELP ME#ITS MAKING ME CRAZY#anyway. ANYWAY. i can FINALLY do this rant publicly because this project had to stay secret until today but now it can be public#.......which is to say hi i'm writing an evo thing don't worry about it.#anyway. the only vaguely useful page was the watchers one and even that one didn't have much detail in the places i actually wanted it#this is a call to action for any evo fans who really like wikis i guess? mostly i just wanted to share these two screenshots#because like. look. me having trouble figuring out who salem was because her page is blank is one thing#getting a 'i can't bother' in the ACTUAL TEXT OF THE ARTICLE is another#once again: thank god my beta found the recap.
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the expendable child character is a narrative parallel to jinx reconciling her relationship with her sister and younger self. like i get not liking expendable child character but she does have an obvious narrative purpose outside of just being cutesy for sillies and then dying for sads. also she had like a cute hair dye montage and stuff man shit was tragic :( maybe im a braindead enjoyer of media trope slop but have you considered that shit was tragic
spoilersssss under da cut
hey have you considered that throwing a character in a show who barely has any personality or any inner world just for them to die because you KNOW theyre a cute kid that people will get attached to is uuuuuh cheap? like i fully understand why she exists, i get the parallels the show isnt subtle, they LITERALLY dye her hair blue and braid it, and she spends half her screen time being the symbol zaun wants jinx to be. how the fuck am i supposed to register her death as tragic when the writing was on the wall the moment she stepped on screen. how am i supposed to get attached to what is essentially a teddy bear filled with C4.
i dont like her bc the show knows how to write kids- violet, powder and mylo bounced off each other and the adults in their lives in such a natural way (excluding the other boy and ekko bc frankly they dont get enough screen time for me to judge them and the first guy was clearly doing double duty as comedic relief/oh wow another dead kid). i do not like child death as blatant manipulation, i do not like pretending that kid was a real and interesting character whos death i should be invested in, i do not like acting like recognizing what a show is doing is the same as them executing it well in any way. i understand CONCEPTUALLY why jinx likes her, omg the baby is just like me fr, they spell it out by having her look at the camera and go wow you remind me of powder who is who i used to be but then bad shit happened but youre cool, but thats not the same as like. building a bond with them, a rapport, shes just kind of this amusing Thing jinx has around and doesnt really care about outside of "kids dying is bad"
finally, do not do that fucking thing where youre like "oh well maybe i just like shitty poopoo tropes but i thought it was pretty good 🥺" how the fuck am i supposed to respond to that. im not like, upset at arcane for fun i like it when stories are told well and get frustrated when the pieces are there and just never connected. i feel like this show has reached a breaking point with how many people it can take from her without it meaning anything after a certain point. half the time its not even her fault it just kind of happens to her in some greek tragedy twist of fate, shes not allowed to have good things and instead of it being like, a conversation about children of war and how unfair shit is dropped on their heads constantly, jinxs motivations and energy is only tangentially related to zauns sovereignty movement.
theyre so like. fixated on her having this overly unserious attitude about everything around her, and i get its a coping thing to distance herself but it RARELY lets up during pivotal moments. its like a story is happening to her rather than her actively contributing- the people would have been taken to stillwater whether she was at the rally or not- sevika would have figured out a way inside that building with or without jinx, they did not escape stillwater thanks to her ingenuity, but because that guy summoned a big ass zombie werewolf who happened to also be her father. the ONLY reason she goes to that building is bc thats where the baby is, i dont think isha as a symbol of the inner child, was inspiring jinx to be a good person, shes just like, a creature of convenience. i guess while im here i can let you guys out or whatever. and what does it mean when that inner child, the living embodiment of whatever goodness and innocence may still exist in jinxs heart, is ripped away from her in a violent explosion exactly the same way as last time? she did the opposite of what vi did last time and the outcome was identical. is history repeating itself, will jinx change? is there any change that can happen that will negate the absolutely comical amount of bad shit that happens to her? this show does not in any way give me the confidence to believe that will happen
basically i think jinxs development thus far is repetitive and gives very little consideration to her as a character rather than an archetype, and isha suffers greatly for it. why show a relationship when you can simply imply it? why make the child any harder for jinx and the audience to project on? why does she need a history, or goals or any interests that arent a giant blue flag that shes powder 2
#arcane#arcane spoilers#gun to my head#there could have been a very simple scene where jinx catches uuh isha sneaking back in from pretending to be her#and shes doing a bit where she pretends shes gonna be mad like violet but quickly drops it when she sees how upset da baby is#and like. levels with her. hey im not gonna yell at you i know you wanted to help. i will never stop you from trying to help#smash cut to the last episode where. jinx very desperately needs that kid to stop helping#or even just like. jinx talkign with isha post prison break#like hey that kid snuck out and got herself into trouble do you have any reaction to that that isnt like. deadpool dialogue#for me its like#no better when stranger things puts a guy on screen for a new season#and goes awww you like that guy? you like him a lot? hes silly?#and then brutally murder him so everyone screams and wails#bob alexei eddie they had like. an IMPLIED reason to exist. but theyre rather auxiliary and their deaths are so brutal and sudden so the#cast kind of has something to feel bad about but never actually unpack#head in my hands i just think really big emotional pivots for characters shouldnt be done through a minute long over edited musical scene#thats more about making you feel sad then conveying new information#wow those two loved their mom thats craaaaaazy i would have never guessed. fuck their dad tho ig lmao#asks#Anonymous
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Alright-y, so in case anyone missed it, we've recently gotten some information from Quackity that he's most likely doing some new project, that seems to involve multiple languages, once again. Kinda like QSMP?
Maybe EXACTLY like QSMP…????
Or maybe not
Basically, the way I see it, it is pretty likely that this is QSMP-Related, what with the images that he's been posting recently, with the GODDAMN EYE GUY
However, even if it is QSMP-related, there is something that would need to be addressed
And that's that it's incredibly unlikely we'd be getting QSMP back in the form we knew it as
Honestly, I don't really see many of the Admins returning, Egg or otherwise. Whether it's by their own choice, or the choice of the powers-that-be. And I think we all know that all the Admins, Egg or otherwise, were a huge part of what made QSMP special
In addition to that, there's also a chance that with that sort of outcome, a lot of the Creators wouldn't be coming back either. I could kinda see some of them not returning even if the Admins DO come back. I know a few of them had more sour experiences with QSMP than others did, and I couldn't really blame them for not wanting to give it another shot
So even if this is QSMP, there's a HIGH chance it won't be the same server we knew
But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. After all, I'm pretty sure the Eggs weren't initially MEANT to be as big as they were, which means that there HAD to be some plans for other stuff at one point or another
Hopefully…
Now obviously this is ALLL just, as usual, ✧˚⊹SPECULATION~!⊹˚✧
I'm not a psychic, and I don't know jack-all about what's been going on behind the scenes regarding QSMP or anything Quackity-related. I'm just making educated guesses and reminding everyone to temper their expectations, and try not to be too disappointed if this isn't exactly what you were hoping for
Because even if it isn't, I think it could still be something pretty fun, and I'll probably at least give it a chance regardless of whatever it winds up being
(Except maybe Purgatory 3, because I think I had enough of those vibes during my recent Purgatory 1 Re-Watch)
…
(Oh who am I kidding I'd probably end up checking out Purgatory 3 at least once I have a problem okay???)
#Personally I'm not sure I could be as invested if certain creators didn't come back#Namely Philza#Do I think for sure he wouldn't return?#Idk#But he didn't show up for the finale for reasons unknown#And that kinda makes me think he isn't likely to join back up#Though I could very easily be wrong#Or have just missed whatever reasoning he gave for not being there#Not to mention a lot of the other creators had their own lore finales#That they'd have to essentially undercut if they wanted to return#And of course there's the treatment that a lot of the (specifically French) Creators got#Like I'm pretty sure Baghera was consistently having troubles for one reason or another#Whether it was because of fans#Or just certain stuff going on in the server#A lot of the other French Creators got a lot of harassment too#With I think Aypierre (or Antoine) leaving twitter just a couple days ago because of it#Not to say it was limited to JUST the French Creators#I know that there was a lot of vitriol for the Portuguese-speaking part of the fandom at one point and that SUCKED to see go down#I guess at the end of the day there's a lot of room for negativity#And there was a lot of negativity in general that could influence how things go from here#But there were some good things too#So I think we just need to make sure to acknowledge both the good and the bad moving forward#If there is a forward from here#Guess we'll see huh??#qsmp
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For the bingo game, voice of the broken?
this is prolly disappointing to some, but sorry, I tried and I just can't get myself to like Broken. They're interesting and an engaging character, especially when they're acting as a catalyst for conflict, but for themselves? They just kinda. exist.
don't actively dislike them, I'm just kinda 'eh' about them. Like them more when they're being an active problem and an asshole to others, wish more fanworks would lean into that side of them.
#like seriously. Broken can be so mean. why are not more people leaning into that side of them???#it's much more interesting to me than anything else#also just can't get behind certain portrayals of them#they're a very flawed and troubled individual who needs a LOT of self-reflecting and growth before they can be a positive company to others#and it makes me a bit iffy when people skip that step in fanworks#I had to deal with people like Broken before. it's. a tiring place to be in#you can't help others if they don't want to help themselves#and I really want to see that journey with Broken. but people rarely do it#and it just kinda makes me lose interest in the character#sorry for the rant. I've been bottling this stuff up for a long time and I guess it finally burst out aisjsjxjdjdms#stp-posting#character bingo#mailbox
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I know this is 100% my personal problem and idk if anyone can relate but as an afab person with some weird gender shit going on I kinda hate it whenever dnp make jokes like "you know us we don't like pussy/tits" etc like 😭 I love that they have fully healed from the comphet "fyi I like vagina" era but I hate being made to feel like a Woman™ because of my anatomy if that makes sense. Like my brain interprets it as "we don't like those traits because they make you a woman and we're gay" idk it gives me like a weird wave of dysphoria every time they say it 😭😭 the first time I watched BIG I interpreted Dan's monologue about "I don't care what kind of anatomy you've got going on, I don't feel attracted to the signs on bathroom doors" as being like trans inclusive but I fear he's walked it back with these constant jokes dsdfghjkl and to be clear I'm not saying anyone is obligated to find me or my body type attractive like that's not what this is about. It's just the equation of genitals/anatomy with gender idk. And this is not even really something that's specific to dnp and I know there's a lot of discourse about genital preferences or whatever idk idk maybe I should've just sent this to phannieconfessions and allowed everyone to take it in the worst possible faith over there. I just need to get it off my chest
#im still trying to figure out if i should book an appointment with a gender specialist#i do have a gender dysphoria diagnosis on my file#but one of the things that's held me back from wanting to try T or whatever for such a long time is this fear of not passing#or of like not fitting into anyone's ideal of gender#like if i were to go on T and start presenting more masc. would that even make me feel better#if i still had to constantly listen to people saying “yeah but you're still a woman tho bc you don't have a dick sorry :)”#i know they're just joking but people on here certainly seem to take those jokes very seriously idk and I'm starting to take it to heart#as well i guess#i need to get back in the fucking gym im so skinny rn and it's making me feel even worse#I've been having trouble eating lately and I've lost a few kg. my arms are so skinny i fucking hate it here#sorry I'm relistening to the stereos and dan made a “we don't like slits” joke + i got like 3 hours of sleep bc i woke up with a migraine#and I'm losing it a bit idk#turning reblogs off because i know this is the piss on the poor website and ppl will decide to interpret this as#“im gonna kms unless dan and phil tell me they wanna fuck me” dssdghhfdjkljhjll 😭😭😭
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Okay but also because I'm a pedantic bitch...in relation to that post I just reblogged explaining part of gay-on-gay bigotry...what if some people are just assholes who happen to be gay, or bi or trans? And they're all for oppression or just plain cruelty as long as it's aimed at other people? Like that's also something to consider.
I don't actually think, any longer, that "internalized self-hate projected outward and also suppressed envy for someone who's doing and being all the things you were convinced into not allowing yourself" is...all there is to this phenonemon. And I wish we'd stop fixating on that quite so much just because we want to be frankly, nicer than some of these people have ever deserved. It's always more satisfying on some level, to imagine your enemies as Tortured deep inside (whether it's because you feel a bit malicious or you just want to believe that there's a way to reach out and heal them with kindness.) than to admit that Sometimes They're Just a Shithead.
Now, do I think that complex can be a big part of it? Oh yeah. And of COURSE, different people have different motivations in different amounts and yadda yadda yadda. No group of people, ethnic, gender, political or otherwise is a Monolith. (For one thing, when it comes to these Pick-Me Gay/Trans pundits and Influencers, money and clout should never be left out as an explanation. Just saying.) But that's the point, isn't it? Any ONE explanation can't explain them all completely.
Tbh, I think we need to consider some people are just bullies who happened to be born not cis or straight. And even if they were bullied at one point for their identity, they learned absolutely nothing from the experience except Don't Be On the Social Reject Side. So they moved their thinking just enough that "woman who likes women" "man who likes men" "I just happened o want to be a woman instead, or a man instead despite how I was born" could be put in the Safe category and they fight for that. Everyone else though, is still fair game and even a fair target. Some people don't just want power to escape oppression and live their lives in peace, they WANT to BE the ones oppressing. Like, do we ACTUALLY understand that LGBT people are humans too and that that includes the bad side?
It tracks a lot better too, when you consider that a lot of people like the masc4masc gays are openly racist and fatphobic. "No fems" Yes but also "No fats. No Asians." Christ, I could think of countless examples of white thin (and sometimes but not necessary cis) queer people doing that sort of thing. I'm sure y'all can too. This idea of some poor lost soul Tormented by Self Hate and Envy of the Freedom of Others doesn't do shit to explain that. Like, even if the two things coexist and they can, it doesn't explain that part.
I honestly just think the uglier but more accurate truth is that lot of queer people aren't all Hashtag Gay or Trans Rights or aren't Liberal out of any sense of justice AT ALL but only self-interest. Being an activist because you're a member of an oppressed group is like, entirely normal and fine of course BUT it becomes real clear when someone's framework of ethics and politics is PURELY "I think me (and people I personally like and approve of) being oppressed is bad" and literally not one inch deeper.
You can tell because if it was deeper, why would they find it so easy to turn around to a fellow queer/trans person to jeer at and humiliate and throw them under the bus if they think they're a Deadweight to the group by being a Weirdo I Don't Want to Stand Next to, Eww...or if they just don't personally like them? Why have you clearly spent absolutely no time unpacking any of the prejudice and biases around gender sexuality (or GOD FORBID race) that society throws at you.. at least no more time than it takes to rationalize yourself out of the category of Should Be Destroyed and Oppressed?
We are not immune from this sort of terminally self-interested activism. I just feel like we'd get a lot further as a society, as a community, if sometimes our analysis of bullies and assholes didn't fixate on finding some deep pain and trauma inside them, to explain their actions in a way that makes them look more tortured and less malicious (even if we say, even mean, that it's not supposed to be an excuse). Sometimes people are just racist, or fatphobic. Sometimes lesbians or gay men or bi or trans people just want to be judgmental bullies too.
Sometimes the reality isn't Tragic Villain Backstory. Sometimes, its just a selfish, deeply pathetic person refusing to become any less, because it's easier not to; even if you had a unique chance to see how the other side lives, a chance your straight cis bully peers didn't get by virtue of their identities.
#(same mentality as women who think every abortion is evil besides theirs. Freedom for me not for thee#ppl act like that's so shocking I used to. But now I'm just like...well have we considered Selfishness?#these women only rationalized and unpacked enough to make an exception for themselves.#and then actively refused to learn a thing from the experience. They carried on being as misogynistic as ever#judging all other women and claiming pregnancy is an appropriate punishment for not doing Everything Right#(except when its me). you can tell by that. They just happen to be misogynists with self-interest#human beings have an AMAZING ability to do all kinds#of mental gymnastics to believe things that contradict each other#we're not rational creatures. Accept this now and many more things will make sense this is an order. ANYWAY)#plus imo this Self Loathing theory fails to explain that not every feminine woman or masculine man#hates their gender presentation? Like yeah a lot of the makeup and diet culture is awful but#there are always gonna be ppl who want to dress a certain way regardless of societal pressure#making it exponentially harder to detangle where your Genuine Wants end and that begins.#the downsides of being social animals. And I guess I just don't know who's served#by pretending that's not a thing. The older i get the more i think we need to be careful before#our honest attempts to explain why peoole fight for systems/things that cause them trouble turn into infantilization#it's very possible to turn condescending and infantilizing going all Oh People Don't Know What's Best For Them#They're All Brainwashed. Give oppressed people the agency to be assholes too#plus it just leaves these ppl the opportunity to go I Don't Hate Myself#lmao loser.' Whereas 'you're just an asshole who doesn't care about anyone but yourself getting hurt'#is while not something they might be swayed by or care about a lot harder to refute.#we can't always know what goes on in people's heads. Going by their actions is helpful tho
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Girls when they are irreperably shaped by their circumstances
+ the sketch bc I liked it :3
#i will never be normal about ryne ever. i am physically incapable of being normal about her#like she has ALL the things that Get Me in a character#a shitty isolated childhood. family issues. identity issues. guilt and grief. is Special in a way that hurts her more than anything#she has trouble getting that sense of belonging and shes never know how to 'fit in'#be it in society as a whole or even just the little found family shes been integrated to#and also the dichotomy of her being a sweet passive girl who is also badass and uses sick ass daggers#i loooove her so so much#OH ALSO. venat shiva ysayle & minfilias arms are cradling her :) bc she is following in their steps but ALSO is doing it as HERSELF#she is doing it as RYNE and RYNE ONLY#very important#ryne waters#uuum how the FUCK do i tag eden shiva#uh well#shiva#i GUESS#um#eden shiva#????#final fantasy#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ff14#ffxiv#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art#xander being insane about ryne
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Okay so Sonic Prime was basically a weird game of seven minutes in heaven, right? Kissing may not have been involved but everything else sure was.
#Sonic prime: ends#Sonic & Shadow: So I guess that character development never happened huh.#NUH UH-#we got...so much sweet sweet character and relationship development#no way im letting that go#srls. on so many levels#not just sonic and shadow#but obv they had a pretty interesting role#thank u prime for not making shadow a one-facet angst prompt generator#they gave him JOKES#they gave him SASS#and most of all they gave him a very vivid sense of protection#which? made me scream. because FINALLY.#god. thats what he was made for. thats what shadow is sort of ABOUT#and sonic prime really went and gave him the role of..well. sonics shadow. lol.#NOT derogary in meaning. just that he covered the spaces where sonic had trouble with#man their relationship is so interesting#especially in this version of themselves that prime has given them#id watch so many episodes worth of this.#anyway. tags#my art#art post#sonic#shadow#sonic prime#sonadow#am I wrong#sonic prime spoilers#sonic spoilers#sonic prime season 3
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shoulder feels like it’s in the wrong place and needs to make a mighty crunch but i keep trying and it just makes weak little clicks and feeling more and more tight and hurting. help! i have joints 👎
#bluejay.txt#my flute professor would Get me for this honestly. it’s definitely from holding tension while i was playing earlier#she’s always all over me for playing with tension and pushing through pain#she’s right but i’m afraid she also doesn’t get that me and my stupid demon collagen are gonna have pain no matter how perfect my posture#but i should fix it as much as i can and i just have so much trouble with that.#at least i don’t play with Visibly bad posture anymore. my elbows are down my neck is up spine is straight knees not locked etc.#used to do all that & looked like the hunchback of notre dame.#now i just hold too much tension bc i’m afraid my shoulders will evacuate the premises (sockets) while i’m playing 💀#which has happened before and is very unpleasant though it doesn’t hurt.#music school moment#i guess#i should have an EDS tag but it would probably just make me sad lmao#man i just want my joints to work right. i would sacrifice the scary shoulder party tricks for less pain and instability fr#been a while since i used this site as a diary like this. hope you all are enjoying it i guess :)
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