#just trust me that I know and I don't think it contradicts the specific point I'm making

[prince-liest]

Don't mind me getting on my soapbox for a moment... a lot of this musing is admittedly for the sake of my own processing of this topic, re: aroaceness. Read at your own peril! <3

I'm generally a very "ship and let ship" kind of person, but I think I would definitely append a little caveat of, like, "As long as you're not being actively invalidating and detrimental to others" to that. Which is a delightfully vague statement that can be interpreted practically any way, I know, hahaha.

In the case of this particular post I've just been thinking about how, like... seeing an aroace character like Alastor get written into dozens upon dozens of PWPs (including ones that don't even touch on the subject of his aceness at all) is really not something that I personally find to be hurtful or offensive. It's just smut for the sake of smut, of a character people want to see awful, sexy things done to (or doing). Valid! I vibe with you! More people should just write the PWPs they want to see in the world!

But on the other hand, I've several times seen this very particular type of art (usually it's a comic, but admittedly I haven't been reading very many Hazbin Hotel fics so maybe it's there, too) where Alastor is slotted into the "methinks the lady doth protest too much" trope. As in, he's expressing strong feelings about a character (usually Vox or Lucifer, sometimes Angel Dust) to someone, probably Rosie, and the person he's confiding to is some variant of, "Oh, silly Alastor, you're obviously in love!" And then he denies it, says that the very idea disgusts him, and the character titters to themselves about how he's so naive in the matters of romance or whatever.

And it's, like.

The "strong feelings" in question are almost always frustration/annoyance/disgust, and him being like, "Nnnno, I just hate his person" is treated like a silly and naive misunderstanding of his own feelings because obviously he's in love. Please imagine that Alastor was a female character who was established to be a lesbian. Now examine how that suddenly makes this scene feel.

(Also, Rosie being the go-to for this is a little frustrating when she's the one who, in canon, explicitly says that she wouldn't make that assumption of him.)

There's such a chasm of difference between how I see people wanting to ship Alastor for reasons of "I just want to!" vs folks who engage with him being aroace in ways that are infantilizing and invalidating. There are so many people out there - not just aro/ace people, but anyone who's not exclusively into the standard type of person they should be into at the time society deems they should be into them, which is most queer people and even many cishet folks - that have been told that exact kind of thing in real life. It reads like something out of a compulsory heterosexuality guidebook, and it actively makes it harder to leave the closet or even realize that you're in one at all.

So I guess it just feels frustrating to see it get made into a punchline, especially by folks who are shipping queer ships. I genuinely can't wait until fandom society advances to the point of consistently treating aro/acespec folks as queer instead of Queer Lite (TM), because let me tell you, ime the comphet experience and the amato/allonormativity experience are in fact nigh-identical except for how they're treated within online communities. There's a reason the pan -> gay -> ace pipeline is a thing.

But, hey! We're already doing way better than we were in 2012!

[here-for-eddie]

rating the possible solutions to the bt problem in s8

according to my very specific and arbitrary criteria: likeliness of the solution, in-story satisfaction (how would it work in the show) and pettiness factor (how much would it piss off the bt fandom/tommy fans)

Tommy stays, bucktommy endgame

Very unlikely (thank god)

Storyline satisfaction 0/10

Pettiness -1000/10 (they would become insufferable forever)

Buck is single in 08x01, Tommy is never mentioned again

Unlikely

Storyline satisfaction 3/10 (would mean we suffered through 7b for nothing)

Pettiness 10/10

Buck is single in 08x01, bucktommy breakup only mentioned

Possible (happened with natalia)

Storyline satisfaction 5/10 or more (depends on how it would be discussed, what did Buck learn from that relationship)

Pettiness 9/10 (bonus points if it's not due to unavailability of lfj, just Tim deciding he has enough of That Mess)

Buck is single in 08x01, confirms they were only on a few dates and were never in a relationship

Possible

Storyline satisfaction 5/10

Pettiness 11/10 (bucktommies would explode)

Buck experiences buddie summer of infidelity

very unlikely (fortunately for me, because I love this concept in theory but would hate it in the show 🙃)

Storyline satisfaction 2/10

Pettiness 5/10 (would make Tommy the wronged party here, so I'm not vibing with that)

Tommy dies

Unlikely

Storyline satisfaction 0/10 (buck would have to mourn him)

Pettiness 6/10 (their fave would be gone forever but bt would be immortalised as a tragic romance)

They split up because of their incompatibility

likely

storyline satisfaction 7/10

pettiness 7/10 (would mean that Tommy is not the perfect partner they claim he is, but the solution itself is a boring as Tommy)

they split up because Tommy behaves like a jerk to Buck

possible

storyline satisfaction 9/10 (his behaviour in s7 is not brushed aside)

pettiness 9/10 (would contradict all those baffling interpretations of tommy's behaviour being peak romantic in s7)

They spilt up because of Tommy's past and/or present attitudes towards the Gerrard problem

likely

storyline satisfaction 10/10 (it would mean his past behaviour is not brushed aside and forgotten)

pettiness 10/10 (would contradict all those baffling theories and his fans ignoring his past behaviour)

They split up because Buck learns that Eddie was Tommy's first choice

unlikely

storyline satisfaction 9/10 (it would play into Buck's issues)

pettiness 10/10 (as an Eddie fan, I love it when everything is about Eddie)

they split up because Buck realises he is in love with Eddie

likely

storyline satisfaction 13/10 (a logical conclusion to everything that's happened in s7, especially 07x04)

pettiness 7/10

They split up because Tommy realises Buck is in love with Eddie

possible

storyline satisfaction 3/10 (it's something Buck should discover for himself, not have pointed out to him by anyone)

pettiness 5/10 (would mean that Tommy is forever intertwined with the beginnings of buddie, which I'm not vibing with)

They split up because of a threesome with Eddie

very unlikely

storyline satisfaction depends (could be 10/10 if they executed a very specific scenario but I don't really trust them to)

pettiness depends (could be 10/10 hilarious if they managed to convey that Buck was only ever crazy about Eddie)

They split up because Tommy is moving away

possible

storyline satisfaction 8/10 (buck would get to realise there are more important things in LA for him than his relationship with Tommy)

pettiness 4/10 (their relationship would have to be quite serious first)

They split up because Tommy doesn't want children

possible

storyline satisfaction 9/10 (buck would have to think about what he wants and maybe that he already has it)

pettiness 5/10

if you have any more scenarios, let me know!

[sysmedsaresexist]

Something about that last post just really fucking irked me.

Normalize asking questions about your experiences and things you're not clear on

Yesterday, I had to ask some friends a question.

Any uterus having people that have had the electro therapy on their back-- very specific but Google isn't helping

Can the electricity on the lower back cause a period???

Wow, fucking cringe, what a faker, doesn't even know how her own uterus works, how do you make it this far in life and not know this stuff, FAKE UTERUS

I was so embarrassed to ask. I was scared, too.

And yet, I got an answer that I hadn't been able to find on my own.

Yes, it can happen.

Nice!

Well, first off, A, thank God I'm not hurt or dying, that's a relief. B, no one laughed. C, this shit isn't common knowledge.

Even if you think it's obvious, it's not.

Things can be related in the weirdest ways, and sound totally strange at first, and they turn out to be totally normal experiences.

What is dissociation?

Doctors say it's super complicated to understand, don't worry, you're not alone.

What's the difference between normal and pathological dissociation?

Oh, boy, let's sit down for this one.

What's the difference between trauma and abuse?

Fantastic question, first, are you doing okay? Second, it's complicated.

Could these two symptoms be related?

FUCKING PROBABLY, let's talk about it.

All these overgeneralized, sweeping statements, made under the guise of "correcting misinformation," and really only trying to prove people wrong instead of educate, hurt other people with that thing.

"Your doctor is ALWAYS right," fuck you, no they're not. "They know you better than you know yourself." Ohhh, fuck no, that's dangerous. "You MUST fit the criteria 😤."

The criteria:

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO HELP?

Because you're failing spectacularly at doing any kind of good for the community you want to "help".

You lost the point so hard that your posts are now actively dangerous to people with CDDs that don't think clinically enough for you. You lost the point when you use papers that directly contradict each other over basic facts, and don't even realize it in your rush to be "right".

"Trust your doctor 100%," about any other disorder, would get you instantly canceled. Are you overweight? A POC? A woman? Trans? A combination? Well, you're fucked.

You, yourself, have probably never thought that.

So why did you say it?

Who cares what they're calling themselves, who cares whether the term is clinical, are they getting the help and support they need? Can we help clarify anything for them?

Using a people focused approach in therapy is totally fine, THIS HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE. It may be a doctor-focused issue, but it's not a treatment issue. In other words, for every doctor that prefers a parts focused approach, there's one that'll use a people focused approach just fine, if that's what you want to do. Good job getting into therapy, congrats! That's what's important.

"Fictives," are so well documented that complaining about them is laughable.

Alters can take years to come forward after events, and may latch onto a character years after their actual formation. Who cares if the person can pinpoint the cause, or if they don't even care enough to try, are they getting the help and support they need???

Instead of saying, "that's impossible," let's start asking, "how can I help?"

Instead of saying, "your opinion is wrong," let's address actual misinformation. Talk to pro/endos about the trauma basis of DID. That matters a fuck ton more than whatever you're arguing about.

Instead of laughing at people who don't know things, learn to socialize and present corrections in a pleasant conversation. God forbid you're seen "being nice," to the other side.

As a very good friend said, better than I ever could, this whole "prioritizing research always over listening to others' lived experiences" is just the plural version of "academic theory on queer experiences is most important." You need both.

Many things can be true, all at the same time. Opinions are onions, they all make me cry or whatever the saying is. Single research papers should never be used generally. If you put all the papers together, anything is possible. This paper doesn't specifically talk about that thing so it's not possible.

Another paper, just a click away:

Are people happy, healthy, and feeling supported in their life?

Fantastic, that's what matters.

This blog is open to basic questions that people are scared to ask. I would also highly recommend sending @cdd-safe-haven those kinds of questions. It's completely unrelated to syscourse, hopefully the information will help more people.

[sugar-grigri]

Have you seen Fami's right ear ? Because I haven't.

The game of interpretation in reverse, or focusing on what seems to be avoided by the chapter, not shown, works! and even if it doesn't work, it's still fun and leads to wild theories, which I love to imagine. And this post is no exception to that rule.

We had chapter 155 where we interpreted backwards to find answers to Denji and Nayuta's existential crises.

We also interpreted backwards to better understand the inconsistencies in Yoshida's behavior and the implications for chapter 156.

In my opinion, chapter 157 is no exception to this rule. Focusing on what the author refuses to show in order to find the answers fits in well with a mangaka fascinated by cinema.

Not convinced? Chapter 156 ended on Asa's legs, like a superhero ready to take on the big bad alone. The next chapter directly contradicts what it had already demonstrated. But why? Because you shouldn't trust either the author or the way the characters present themselves to you. That's what this whole chapter is about.

What matters to you may not necessarily matter to the characters. Our focus on the first page would be on Asa's missing arm. Yet she brushes it aside, as if she were dismissing our concerns with a wave of the hand: what's important to her, strangely enough, is wearing her uniform!

Which raises another question... have you seen much of Asa without her uniform? Yes, we've seen her without it, but more often than not, it's her fetish outfit for readers.

I could tell you that, once again, this is to emphasize the fact that we don't have the same temporality on the characters, and that Fujimoto insists more and more on what he refuses to show, but I'll be accused of over-interpreting, so let's carry on.

Fami's statement that appearing to be a high-school student is the best cover for me immediately brings to mind a specific public hunter, who also appears always dressed in his uniform! But people will tell me that I'm being too defensive of this character, so.... Let's continue even further

Asa manages to turn the guns on those who were going to shoot them, all by imagining that she had been able to redeem them.

It's precisely because she's disconnected from reality that she's able to create the illusion that her power works

And I repeat: disconnecting from the events we see in Chainsaw Man helps us too.

Asa is able to create weapons without even needing to touch them, i.e. to touch the concrete, the agent who watches over them is right to recognize her but wrong in believing she's there to help the church members in the basement, when in fact she's there for Chainsaw Man. It's normal for him to think that!

Because that's how she was presented on TV!

Which shows what? That you can't trust everything you see

Just before, we had a focus on Asa's legs, particularly through her walking, the fact that she's almost running

Let's interpret this in reverse again. Did you see Fami's hands? Yes, we see them, but never up close and never open.

What was important was obscured by the fact that, at the end, it was noted that she did have something in her hands, but the chapter focused on Asa's legs, even though she had slipped.

Pay no attention to what was emphasized to guess what happens next

In the title, I'm talking about Fami's right ear, because she is abnormally shown on the same side throughout the chapter.

Because it's hiding an earpiece? I'd have liked to, but I don't think so. As someone pointed out in the previous post: you can still see her ear on page 2.

The point is not to think that Fami is tilting her head to hide something in her ear, but why is she shown so much the same way?

The fact that she's bent over reminded me of chapter 140, when Denji visits the CSM church for the first time. At the end of that chapter, Barem presents an ultimatum: which side is heavier? Chainsaw Man represented by that cable on Denji's torso or his peaceful life with his family?

The chapter 140 is called "Scales", evoking the weighing of these two choices, and Fami, who is supposed to represent the church, is already tipped over.

Why? Because the choice has already been made

Denji chose to be Chainsaw Man, but when he realized it, he was faced with the fire in which he lost his cat and dogs.

When he transformed, he found himself endangering his little sister Nayuta

The scales tipped in Chainsaw Man's favor, to the detriment of his family.

The way Fami was always presented on the same side was to make it clear which way his head was tilting : to the left.

Okay, but how do you explain Fami's head being tilted the other way in other earlier chapters? It's normal, Denji's choice is very recent! He hesitated until now!

All this makes even more sense with her Chainsaw Man earrings, which represent cables.

And then you'll tell me "it would work if she had a cable earring on the same ear, but it's safe on both ears so it doesn't work", yes it does, trust us, we'll carry on.

When does Asa fall in part 2? Often when death is near, almost like a bad omen announcing it. She falls crushing Bucky, she falls with Yuko who later dies prematurely, she almost falls when her mother sacrifices herself...

So death is near.

And two things can explain it :

Fami is bent over to symbolize the fact that Chainsaw Man has been chosen over his peaceful life.

The chapter again emphasizes that Asa can save Chainsaw Man by attacking Chainsaw Man, because Chainsaw Man prevents Denji from having access to his peaceful life, hence the fact that Fami is bent over.

But let's think about it another way: in chapter 155, Denji emphasized the fact that he didn't know what a family was, having committed patricide, how could he possibly understand this notion?

Denji killed his father, his brother, his sister died for him...

So Chainsaw Man has always put his family at risk, which seems logical given everything we've said.

But remember that in this same chapter, we found an answer: Chainsaw Man is an empty shell filled with the people he loves, his family, and his aim is to protect them.

When Denji says he wants to be Chainsaw Man, it's to protect his family, who fill him as an empty shell.

When Fami says we must kill Chainsaw Man to save him, she's right.

Maybe not because there are 2 Chainsaw Man, since Pochita and Denji are inseparable.

But because to protect what has filled Chainsaw Man's heart, you have to kill the source of his misfortune, himself.

And that's why it all works, even if Fami's two earrings are cables, because even killing Chainsaw Man, the empty shell, saves what filled it - his family.

That's why Asa falls, because the end and Denji's sacrifice are close at hand.

But second interpretation.

Remember, when Asa falls, it means that death is near. So.................. who's next to her?

Obviously, this is pure theory, but I find it amusing.

Why does Fami only show one side? Because she didn't present herself well.

If Fami has insisted on anything from the start, it's that we call it Fami, not Famine. Why is that? Because she renamed herself just as quickly as Yoru did, choosing a name that hid her true identity.

Remember how Yoshida told her she was terrible at choosing names, to which Fami retorted that she didn't care if anyone found out who she was?

Is that really the case? Wasn't it to reinforce the fact that she was supposedly the devil of famine?

The first time Fami appears, in Asa's school, she introduces herself as the war devil's big sister (= true), which she does again at the aquarium, introducing herself as the famine demon (= false), called Fami (= true).

But as we've seen, you can lie about a devil's name, just as Fami did with the fire demon, presenting him as the devil of justice.

So what's to stop her from lying about the fear she represents too?

I know it sounds crazy, but what happened when the devil of eternity appeared? People were hungry!

And the first time Fami didn't intervene, the more time passed, the more the hunger grew, the stronger the demon seemed to become.

What's to stop the devil of eternity being the devil of famine?

You : "it's a tactic for Fami to use the power of the demon of eternity to starve them out". Yes it's true! But my theory about the wrong choice of devil names is possible too. The trick is not to say that what's been presented to us doesn't work, but to try and question it.

The famine devil falsely called the devil of eternity could be defeated by Denji twice: in part 1, because he had overcome the famine by becoming a public hunter

In part 2, because he fed Asa!

If Fami has insisted on anything from the start, it's that we call her Fami, not Famine. Why is that? Because she renamed herself just as quickly as Yoru did, choosing a name that hid her true identity : the Death Devil.

So, since the answers lie in what we can't see, what's stopping Fami from tripping Asa?

Which explains Asa's shocked face.

But above all, it implies that his fall was not an unintentional one, as it always is when death is near, but that it was caused by death.

So if we line up the interpretations: death doesn't want mankind to disappear.

How do I know this?

Because she said so! She loves pizzas.

Death wants to kill Chainsaw Man to remain the sole end of beings. To stop it, all you have to do is eat her.

[lookingforhappy]

The Birth Locations/Suitcase Reveal Sucks

before you read please don't take this too seriously, I don't have a problem with people who enjoy this reveal I just wish more people would consider/analyse this as I feel like it's very half-assed and not at all well thought out

I know I've written something like this before and i'm sorry to write this again, but I think my arguments have developed and I want to explain better why I hate this decision.

I am referring to this set of posters for season 3

as the stickers on the suitcases were revealed to be their birth locations by Jeff King (executive producer and director) on instagram

the actual answer to his question is "lila's sticker" but semantics/specifics who cares (me)

why I distrust the theory/trivia as a whole

something I think should be considered here is that this is the only confirmation of this piece of trivia.

another example of TUA trivia that has been confirmed by the creators is the statement by Blackman (god ik just ignore that part for now, that isnt the point of the post & he's still a/the creator) on a reddit AMA that Grace helped the siblings choose their names based on their birth countries

however, these are both poorly researched/prepared pieces of trivia because they blatantly contradict each other

Luther's birthplace is Sweden, but Luther isn't a Swedish name, nor was is popular in either 1989 when he was born or 2002 when he was first seen using his name.

Diego is always a fairly popular name in Spanish speaking countries like Mexico but it's hardly high on the list (only statistic I can find is ranked at 31.)

Allison is neither a South African name nor is it listed as it's top names.

Klaus is Germanic (kinda fits the theme) but as far as I can see Klaus is not a biblical name which is much more typical of the Amish. Klaus is also not listed amongst the top Amish names that I've seen.

Five obviously is an outlier here.

Ben is clearly not Korean, and while I have had fun discussing the roots of his name with others (Jae-min becoming Benjamin, and Bin becoming Ben) I don't think that there's any way that the creators will acknowledge this. Ben has origins in Hebrew and is not at all popular in Korea.

Vanya (the applicable name, as Viktor wasn't yet revealed) is a male name in Russia. it's female in other countries like Bulgaria, but not Russia. It's a nickname/evolution of the name Ivan. Vanya is also not a popular name in Russia, but Ivan does seem to be. And I seriously doubt that they're going to reveal that Viktor originally named himself Ivan while he was identifying as female and then decided to change his name anyway?

which is to say, the word of the creator cannot always be trusted/believed, because that's not necessarily what will be reflected in canon or by the other creators.

there is quite a history in fandom of creators not understanding the themes/plotholes of their own creations, so i'm a little stunned at how quickly everyone integrated this into their canon without a second thought.

i have arugments as to why these locations are bad choices for the characters, but first lets take a look at what i believe these stickers were meant to represent

Placing down a read more because this became huge.

what the other stickers reference/mean

it's no secret that i think the stickers were hints to the events (related to each character's arc) of season 3.

but before i get to that let's breakdown the rest of the stickers and their meanings:

all of the umbrella's have an umbrella sticker. Lila is the only one who doesn't (so if we're playing the "who is the odd one out" game then it still falls as Lila because she is the only one without the umbrella sticker)

Luther

Luther dies in Hotel Obsidian, and never makes it physically inside Oblivion or has any part in powering it - so his sticker has the colours/design of Obsidian.

Diego

Diego is one of/the first to discover Hotel Oblivion, so he has the Oblivion colours and logo.

Allison

Allison is involved in Reginald's plot to use Oblivion to reset thte universe, so gets Oblivion's logo instead of Obsidian.

Klaus

Klaus was the one to know and direct them to Hotel Obsidian, so he has that logo.

Five

Five's revelation that he was the Founder of the Commission, and the impact of that discovery, links him to the Commission more so than either hotel.

Viktor

viktor has the hotel Obsidian logo because he has very little impact on anything to do with Oblivion and is one of the votes that decides to remain and die in Obsidian.

Lila

Lila has the Commission because she was raised in the Commission, not the Umbrella Academy.

Lila has the Obsidian logo in opposition to Diego's Oblivion logo as she chooses the opposite of Diego (I personally believe they should have swapped these two but..)

why the birth locations are more likely/appropriate as hints for the events of season 3

Luther - Stockholm, Sweden

This is probably my strongest argument: He is made fun of for having "Stockholm Syndrome" within the show

found: Season 3, episode 3, minute 13.

Luther, obviously spends all of his character development/moments with the Sparrows and Sloane - being kidnapped by them and developing "Stockholm Syndrome" for Sloane (romantic) and for the Sparrows as a whole (platonic/idealism/escapism)

Luther's mother's newpaper cutting also mentions 911 being called, but 911 is not the emergency number of Sweden, 112 is. Argentina, Canada, Dominican Republic, Jordan, Mexico, Pakistan, Palau, Panama, the Philippines, Sint Maarten, the United States, and Uruguay use 911 but not Sweden.

If Monica wasn't in Sweden at the time of Luther's birth, then Stockholm is hardly his birth location.

throughout the seasons we get a few instances of Diego, Ben and Viktor speaking their native languages, hinting that the 7 were all taught their mother's languages (with Allison at least likely learning all 7)

But if Luther is Swedish, why didn't he or Diego know what Oga For Oga meant if that's Luther's mother's language? and why was Five the only person who seemed to understand Swedish when he's not the Swede of the family? Why did Diego not at least recognise his brother's supposed second language? Or Luther for that matter?

Luther was a part of the Academy for 23+ years, longer than anyone, yet Reginald (who expects the best of his children) didn't bother enforcing this as a part of his education? his number one had a worse education than his number 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7?

Diego - Mexico

Diego apparently doesn't even get the luxury of a city, place or region. But I can confirm that his mother's newspaper cutting states that he was born in a "small town in Northern Mexico".

However, Diego's sticker could instead be a reference to the Aztecs or Mayans - his sticker has mayan/aztec pyramids on it, I believe maybe Chichen Itza specifically?? Ancient civilisations that were very advanced for their time, and that are somewhat frequently involved in alien conspiracies.

Diego is one the one to open Oblivion when he removes the harpoon, and is the first to enter it and confront the Guardians.

Oblivion is an Ancient building/place built by an Ancient civilisation of what is assumed to be aliens, and Reginald (confirmed alien) is the one to have directed them into Oblivion at first as well.

Allison - Cape Town, South Africa

Nelson Mandela is pretty famous for his part in the anti-apartheid (segregation) movement, helping to end segregation in South Africa. He was jailed in a Cape Town prison for attempting to sabotage the pro-segregation government, and then later his office as president was located in Cape Town.

an easy connection to make with Allison's arc in season 2, and the significance of it in her arc in season 3, with her dealing with PTSD, grief over Ray, and feeling alienated by her family who didn't have the same experience as her in the 60s.

Allson's mother has nothing connecting her to South Africa outside of this, as far as I'm aware.

Klaus - Pennsylvania, USA

This one I will concede is about his birth location. But in this case, it's also heavily related to his season 3 arc, as he is the driving force of the mothers plotline and literally travels to Pennsylvania.

PA is a strong and relevant hint for his s3 arc.

Five - Dublin, Ireland

Five could be connected to Ireland in multiple ways.

(there is a link between Five and JFK, "the 1st Irish American President" but I can't see the link to s3 here so honorary mention only).

A link that I understand is a somewhat touchy topic for any Irish citizens is the stereotype of drunkeness in Ireland. While there have been studies to prove that Ireland doesn't drink more than other countries such as England, it remains a well-known stereotype and the Irish people are statistically more prone to alcohol dependency/addiction.

There is also the phrase "make it Irish" which means to put alcohol in a drink, one of the more popular drinks to do this to is coffee. Which brings us back to Five - he is known for his love of coffee and for getting spectacularly drunk.

season 3 in particular features his drinking addiction in it's full glory. it's also plot relevant as his drunkness causes the murder mystery setup of the final episodes.

(also, while it's not great to have Ireland be the hint to alcohol, it's also not great to have Five, the alcoholic of the series, be the Irish representation)

Another interpretation could be the root of the name "Dublin" meaning "black pool". It was likely derived from the River Poddle which would have been stained black with peat. This could be a hint towards Five's elusive role as the Founder, as his life so far has been stained with childhood abuse, the apocalypse and his foray as an assassin, making the reveal of the Founder a shock.

One other interpretation is the Irish vs. English. Five is perhaps the most skeptical of Reginald throughout season 3, moreso than even Luther or Diego. While England has enraged many countries, Ireland is one of the most well known for it's dislike of the English, and has a lengthy history of war and altercations with England. So Five's sticker may be a hint for his re-ignited distrust of Reginald. It also works well as a predictor for Five and Lila's (English) bathroom fight.

Five's mother's newpaper cutting has several contradictions to the Ireland, Dublin location. First and foremost being that she is cited as being from both a "small seaside community" and from "county clark".

There is no County Clark in Ireland, but there is a County Clare and a County Cork. However, County Clare is on the opposite side of Ireland to Dublin and County Cork is even farther away,

Dublin, as the Capital City, is also not a "small seaside community" by any stretch of the imagination.

And the Irish police would likely not be referred to as "provincial" but instead be called Gardaí or The Garda Síochána.

Viktor - Moscow, Russia

Moscow is seen in season 1, episode 1 very briefly as Reginald arrives to adopt Viktor. You can see both the Spasskaya Tower and St Basil's Cathedral. Viktor also speaks Russian, something that none of his siblings have demonstrated.

However, this is not actually Viktor's birthplace (if we believe that the props have canon information, as most argue that Diego is definately from Mexico due to his cutting stating his mother was in Northern Mexico, etc) as according to his book Viktor was born in "small town off the Southern coast of Russia".

Moscow is nowhere near the coast and is not exactly southern either, nor is it a small town. And while this isn't exaclty specified that the "small town" he visits is the place he was born, it wouldn't make much sense if it wasn't, as Viktor was able to track his mother down via newspaper articles about his birth.

Moscow could mean a lot of things for Viktor's arc:

it could be a reference to s1, ep1 but instead of his exact birth location, it could simply hint to his mother's country and toward Harlan's involvement in the mothers' deaths - and the long reach of his powers from America to Russia.

It could also be a hint to Viktor's significance as a much more involved and aware plot driver this season as Moscow is the politcal centre of Russia as its capital city.

It might also hint at his disconnect from his family (not being a part of the Academy and not understanding the hard decisions and necessary teamwork that come with it) causing tensions, as while Moscow is the political capital, Saint Petersburg is considered the cultural capital.

Plus Moscow's history as the capital works well as a parallel to his journey with his powers, and works as a hint to Viktor developing his powers with Harlan because Moscow also briefly lost its status as the capital to Saint Petersburg, possibly a parallel to Viktor, the most powerful of the Umbrellas, losing his powers to Reginald's drugs. Moscow was later restored as the capital, paralleling Viktor's regaining of his powers.

Lila - Berlin

Lila is nice and simple, she was considered the outlier by Jeff King anyway as her suitcase doesn't match her confirmed birth place (London), and instead is a pretty obvious hint to her time in West Berlin, Germany, with Trudy and Stan.

why i dislike the chosen locations as the birth locations

in general I think it's silly to choose almost all capital cities: Dublin, Moscow, Cape Town, Stockholm, Seoul..

I know these are populous places but there must have been some variation? (aside from Klaus, who has plot armour for this point due to his Amish origins, and Diego, who is the only non-capital city purely because he wasn't given the dignity of a named city/town/village)

it's also lazy writing (and i believe somewhat racist?) to have every sibling come from the country/continent you'd expect?

the latino is mexican

the black woman is african

the asian man is asian

the blonde haired/blue eyed man is scandinavian

even Klaus, Five and Viktor are all white men from predominantly white countries.

at least try to subvert expectations?

to an extent i understand that they were trying to incorporate the actors ethnicities with Justin having korean roots, and David being raised in mexico. But the only irish thing about Aidan is his surname, and Emmy has no known connection to South Africa. I'm also pretty sure Tom isn't swedish at all and Elliot isn't russian.

it's lazy, poorly planned and honestly highly questionable writing at best

[homunculus-argument]

The vikings had the right idea with hair bleaching. The thing about blonde nordic hair is that it doesn't stay naturally blond as you grow up - living in Finland I see children with bright white hair all the time, but it usually darkens in your teens, and despite of living in a country that's apparently 80% blonde according to this random infographic I googled in 30 seconds and no other sources, but life experience that doesn't contradict that so I'll trust that source, I have never met a person over 25 whose hair is naturally the light hay-colour that people usually think of when they hear the word "blonde". Blond grown adults usually have hair that's a light, sandy brown that gets lighter highlights from sunlight.

Now we could go into the implications of fetishizing features that do not actually really even naturally occur in grown adults, but I specifically wanted to talk about viking hair maintenance. While the sources are consistently unreliable, the image of a yellow-haired viking probably isn't all that historically inaccurate. The theory that vikings washed their hair with a lye soap to kill off lice and fleas, and the claim that they wanted pretty golden hair just because they considered it attractive and didn't consider it a sin for a man to want to be beautiful the same way that christians did, are both valid and as far as I'm concerned I don't see why they couldn't coexist, if they really did bleach their hair. And I believe that if they could, they probably did.

But I do also believe that it wasn't just about scalp pests. Scandinavian hair - naturally the colour of unpaved dirt roads - is quite thick, straight in texture and falls flatly down along the scalp, and it gets greasy quite easily if not consistently maintained. White people really do need to wash their hair several times per week. I don't know about lye soap but I've noticed that the way modern hair bleach brutally strips the hair and scalp of their natural oils actually does make it easier to keep clean.

I've bleached my hair several times before, and at this point I do it for the maintenance convenience of not needing to wash it as often. For the first several weeks after bleaching my hair, I don't even need to use any kind of products to wash it - I simply comb through it thoroughly before showering to get the oil from the scalp through the whole hair, and rinse it with water, and it looks and feels just as clean as it does after washing it with shampoo. While you're apparently not supposed to dye your hair just before having surgery, I bleached my hair completely white the night before top surgery, not just because I was nervous (having never had a surgical operation before) but to help with the maintenance afterwards.

While I'm too old to be fussing about looking pretty, I know how nordic hair works and what it naturally tends to do, so it makes perfect sense to me that vikings - wanting to feel clean and look hot while raiding and pillaging - would bleach their hair just as much for the convenience of maintenance as for the colour.

[kiragecko]

cherrystainedknuckles

I guess the only problem with being asked to take a “marie kondo approach” is that in order to find any fanfic that appears to be based in actual canon timeline and plot points and characterization (which does exist, and I’m not sure why fanon fans seem insistent that it doesn’t), I literally have to search for hours. I’m not joking, I consistently make fic rec lists, and I have to search for hours and hours for actual canonical basis. same thing with character tags on tumblr.

I’m not saying fanon fans have to stop enjoying fanon or making up their own content. I’m just saying that when the tags used for both fanon tim drake and canon tim drake are the same tag it just becomes incredibly annoying sometimes, and I understand why people who like to engage with canon (me, often) become frustrated

-

I have definitely had periods where I got incredibly frustrated with fanon! Around 2019, I was wondering if I needed to leave the Batfandom, because it had been so long since I read a new fic where the characters felt 'right'.

-

But, if you're willing to, I'd like you to consider what you mean when you divide 'fanon' from 'canon'. Because I struggle to find a hard line between the two, for several reasons:

1. Fandom is transformative. Every fanfic is going to have some interpretation of the source material. The line between what is too much interpretation and what is acceptable is different for every person. For me, I find it can even vary based on writing style or other odd things - lighthearted fic can have more noncanonical stuff in it than heavier fic, and still seem true to canon.

2. 'Canon' is subjective. I do not consider the movies or video games to be 'canon', and it annoys me when things from those creep into the fic I'm reading. (I'm okay with SOME Battinson.) Some aspects of the cartoons are okay. I consider precrisis Jason Todd to be an alternate reality version, but Donna's precrisis origins are more canonical than the dumb retcons. Wayne Family Adventures isn't my main version of the characters, but I'm not bothered if some elements show up in my stories. I'm ignoring most of the nu52, but I like Duke and I'm still watching this new Lian to see what happens. I doubt your divisions are identical to mine.

(Also, some things that I think of as 'fanon' have shown up in nu52 canon! I do not accept them as any more canon because of this.)

3. Most 'fanon' is based on canon. Canon Tim has weird sleep habits. 90s Dick is really lighthearted and joking around some characters in ways similar to fanon. Dick can canonically not be trusted to take care of himself if his mental health gets low enough. Jason likes classical literature. Etc.

These are exaggerated and/or twisted in a lot of fic, but where is the line where they stop being canon? I wouldn't bat an eye at a lot of this stuff, if it didn't show up SO OFTEN.

4. Most 'fanon fans' do know some canon. What line are you going to set where it will be 'enough'. And are they allowed to mention parts of the canon they haven't read yet? Is anyone allowed to talk about Dick's early Robin days, or only the tiny amount of people who have read the golden age stuff? A lot of the 'mistakes' I see are obviously made by people who have read ABOUT canon, but don't know quite how it fits together.

5. 'Canon' is FULL of contradictions. Yes, there are canon events. Yes, there is characterization that is consistent across 3/4s of comics. But. I'm still working on my sidekick timeline. I've devoted days to figuring out ages and passage of time. I've spent over a decade trying to figure out Jason Todd's motivations, and why Tim treats him the way he does. I've read all the 90s and early 2000s CANONICAL character assassination of Jason.

I spent years thinking that Donna's death was almost as foundational as Jason's, only to later discover that I had just happened to read the specific comics that focused on the fallout, and she only stayed dead for a short time. That happens to fans ALL THE TIME! We read a character summarizing an event we haven't directly read, and just accept it as what happened. But characters have biases, and not all writers care about accuracy.

-

I've read some Tim Drakes that I consider to be almost entirely 'fanon'. And quite a few that were so scarily 'canon' that I got chills. (Not all of which were similar to each other.) But the vast, vast majority have fallen somewhere in the middle.

I definitely do not want the responsibility of deciding which ones count as 'canon'! And I think I would strongly dislike anyone who tried to decide for me.

Being frustrated is logical, and I empathize. But the original post was about the impossible expectations some fans feel. The expectation to read thousands of comics, synthesize all the contradictions, and come to conclusions that match the 'true fans'. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to be complaining about.

If that's what some fans are experiencing, of course they're not going to want to engage with canon! There's no way for them to succeed, so why should they even try?

When you join THAT conversation to discuss your frustration about fanon, it strengthens that perception. When you call them 'fanon fans' it emphasizes their belief that you don't think they belong. And rather than trying to change, it's more likely that they'll double down. Canon is full of gatekeepers, so they'll avoid it.

[qsmp-yaoi-island]

I'll say the admins' decision that purgatory 2 is as canon "as the ccs want it to be" is awful and going to cause so many problems.

I think it's perfectly fine to have CCs choose to be out of character for their own lore because then they don't have to commit to rp all the time, but you absolutely cannot do this with the MAIN plot of the story. One of the main reasons is that not everyone will pick and choose what's the same as canon.

A perfect example is just a few days ago, Phil was involved in a main story point of protecting Luffy who escaped. Luffy told Phil that he was looking for Tubbo/Bagi, and of course, because Phil was not informed of anything going on, he told them that they went back to purgatory. Even though Bagi and Tubbo said their purgatory isn't canon. So now imagine Phil is panicking about Luffy not finding the people he's looking for only for tubbo or bagi to show up randomly and confuse the plot even more.

I will say that I don't really care about how the story should be perfectly consistent because I know that's impossible, but it's more about how it's ruining the rp choices of others. Phil did such incredible rp stressing over how everyone left for purgatory again, but for them to show back up without a care or explanation? Undermines all of his emotions and effort into making it feel real.

Another point is how it's effecting the CCs efforts for consistency. Tubbo gets kidnapped IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS EYES, but logs in the next day and gets attacked by a code. So now you face the confusion of either believing he was taken and how that effected the characters rp around him, or believe that the code is back as a main story element. You can't believe both because they directly contradict eachother, so you end up wasting a good plot point for another. For example, Fit has canon separation anxiety and seeing tubbo go missing in front of him could have made for good character development.

Baghera was asked to stay off the server for the past few weeks because the admins had lore planned out for her. She expressed that she missed being on and seeing her friends but trusted in the admins that her return would be worth it to wait for. So some characters are allowed back and immediately cause inconsistenties but some people have to wait? It sucks for CCs like Baghera, Slime, and Pol who express how they want to get back on but are committed to their lore. But I also can't entirely blame the people who came back from purg2, even though I do think its a bad rp choice on their part, because the admins specifically told them they could.

Finally, the worst part is how it demeans the story being told. Imagine after purgatory 2 ends all the people coming back could talk about the hell they went through, the people they met, the fate of Cellbit and Baghera. But instead Bad's "1/4" came back and immediately told Pomme he saw Baghera. Isn't that lame? Doesn't that feel like a waste of good exposition? Hell even Foolish was there and just chose to ignore it because, hey, there's no canon reason he should know that!

That's the problem now is that no one knows what to tell eachother anymore, because it will only be inconsistent with what others are saying or doing. The stories is slowly losing its integrity because it's doesn't know what is important to take seriously anymore. Should you worry about the code attacks? I don't know, it happened to someone who wasn't even technically there. Hey I saw this missing person but I'm also supposed to be missing too, so should you even believe me?

It's confusing, it messy, and it will absolutely ruin story lines down the road.

I love the story of the QSMP. It's what drew me into the server and made me love it ever since, and to see it get pushed aside for a competitive event really sucks. With the way the server has been so rp and lore dependent for the last nine months, it just feels so strange for it to not be the focus anymore. Purgatory was fun, Purgatory 2 looks even better, but I would not trade them for the fandom toxicity, story inconsistency, or divided attention on gameplay it created.

I know with time the story will pick up again, people will return, and it'll be well throught out and planned again. I just think it's important to be critical of these decisions now so they don't get repeated in the future. If there ever is a Purgatory 3 or some other event, all I would hope for is that it has a clear and defined plot revelvancy so you don't have to scramble to tie up all the loose ends later.

[findafight]

I just don't trust any of the additional media with Steve because it just keeps reminding us that he was an asshole.

The Robin book reminds us that he was an asshole. The Lucas book reminds us that he was an asshole. I'm almost certain that the Eddie book will remind us that Steve was an asshole, possibly make him out to be a bigger asshole than the show.

And that's on top of the way we get no backstory to him or his family. Between the show and the additional media we at least have the names for the parents for pretty much every other main kids/teens and even some non mains. The show has made a point of showing us the parents of Barb and Heather, but they can't even mention Steve's parents by name once anywhere?

Supplemental material is always sort of...half canon to me? If it includes minor stuff I like that doesn't mess with established canon I accept it (Robin's parents being Melissa and Richard and also former hippies, scoops troop playing dnd to cheer Erica up, Steve and Mike having an awkward talk about what happened post s1 where Mike cries at him), but when it has things I don't like or are contradicted by canon I ignore it lol.

It sucks because Robin tells us in the show exactly why she thought he was an asshole. The girl she had a crush on liked Steve, he didn't know who she was, he ate bagels messily, he asked what Robin perceived as stupid questions. Literally petty teenage shit!! I only have knowledge of the additional media via Tumblr but I saw that apparently in the Lucas book Lucas specifically doesn't go to Steve because he thinks (for some reason that isn't given) that if Steve plays sports again he'll revert back into an asshole (who was just a normal jerk teenager level let's be real) even though Steve, at the time he helped Dustin and then helped save Lucas, was still on the basketball team!! That's so sad and I'm glad it isn't official canon because no :( Lucas deserves to have his mentor on the basketball team and also bond with Steve practicing!!

The Eddie book better not make Steve anything other than mildly frustrated or annoyed at Eddie's loud lunchtime rants. They never spoke before! Maybe Steve bought weed from him a couple times but they never had meaningful interactions! Eddie's whole thing about Steve was that he made assumptions based on facts (big house, girls love him) he had heard about Steve, not anything Steve had directly done. It'll be so stupid if they fake retcon that!!

Steve deserves literally SOMETHING telling us a little about his parents though. Like their names. Or maybe if they're from town or not...just. something more than we have.

[white-fatalis]

Here's my meta on why the interpretation of "Grimm is an evil asshole who enslaves and/or mind controls the troupe" is literally my beloathed!

This was originally written for a hot takes meme on my rp blog, but I ended up liking the analysis enough to want to post it in the public tag. Had to edit my salt out a bit because I was venting over people in the past coming into an rp server I mod for and insisting Grimm is canonically some abusive slave driver LOL

There is canonical evidence to the contrary. Imo, it feels like taking the game's propaganda from the townsfolk and WL and not looking past surface level. And a lot of the game's plot has "things aren't what they seem on the surface and what is stated is often false" (like 'guys fr the valiant knight saved the kingdom').

Most people get this take from Brumm's dialogue. However, this interpretation is directly contradicted by Brumm's actions and Nymm's dialogue. The entire banishment ending is about Brumm questioning Grimm and the troupe. Mind controlled people... obviously... don't have the capacity to do that. Sure, you could say "well, maybe Grimm trusts Brumm enough to let him be free, the rest of them aren't" but - what, Grimm isn't smart enough to keep all of his "slaves" on a leash? He wouldn't see Brumm's general self changing on a downward path and feel a need to do something about it lest it threaten his plans? This would require Grimm to be making classic generic movie villain errors, and also be not very observant, which he does not come across as at all. I don’t buy that.

Furthermore, Brumm is not an impartial voice here. He's an old and tired mortal trapped in a cycle of immortality led by what's essentially a fae-like deity, who has been doing and seeing the same things for probably centuries. He is sufficiently Done at this point in his life. He's depressed. Mortals were never meant to live that long, even in lives that they may have previously enjoyed. He did not always feel this way, and there's proof, which I read as a mix of that and Grimm's power essentially carving his passion for life out:

He's seen this play out over and over, over and over, endlessly to his eyes. He begins to feel like it's enslavement.

However, even despite these feelings? He still highly respects Grimm and is concerned for his well being.

In his thoughts, he's questioning whether Grimm is a slave. He doesn't know, which implies to me that Grimm has never shared specifics. (Also, Grimm's dream nail dialogue contradicts the idea of Grimm being a slave.) These are all the opinion statements of a depressed mortal, and while he has every right to feel the way he does, that doesn't make his words necessarily fact - especially if information was hidden from him. And then, if you do choose to banish the troupe... We see Brumm again, as his original self Nymm, who gives what I feel is one of the strongest pieces of evidence for the troupe not being slaves. He gives you his old mask in the form of a charm, and he states:

If Brumm was truly a slave, if the game wanted you to take the troupe members as actual slaves, this is not how it would be described. I do not think "Stockholm syndrome" is what they were going for here, which is the only explanation for this if they were supposed to be read as slaves. You don't long for and have nostalgia for being a slave (mind controlled or not).

Not just that, but the charm is literally called Carefree Melody, and its ability spawns a flame that occasionally protects its wearer from taking damage. The fear cast by the nightmare magic is still there, yes, but the charm is essentially Grimm's protection left over. If the troupe members were being held against their will by some evil overlord, this symbol would not be such a sweet memento. The charm's very name evokes the image of carefree days where he enjoyed playing music with the troupe.

As far as Grimm being a complete domineering asshole that some interpret him to be, I feel like there's a decent amount of evidence that he isn't, even though we don't get to see how he interacts with his followers. Everyone in the troupe seems to respect and adore him. Brumm being concerned for him, saying that it's painful of all things to defy him, and this is how he thinks at his absolute lowest opinion of the troupe. Divine stays to do her own thing if you don't complete her quest before the Ritual, which Grimm is apparently cool with because she was just allowed to do that. She's also eager to follow him when her business is done. One of the Grimmsteeds, in thought, says that Grimm's light is guiding. Grimm himself doesn't force you as the player to partake in the Ritual or fight him. The troupe related charm, of all effects it could have, is one of protection.

I don't think any of them would feel this way if he was just, you know, a controlling dick.

Now Grimm being manipulative - yeah, I think he is. The point of this post isn't to say Grimm is a saint, he definitely isn't. That's an entire other post. But he 100% isn't the "blatantly evil mind controlling jerk" type. He's morally gray. And I firmly believe he's meant to be a foil to the Radiance;

The Radiance is Light, normally seen as a good and positive force in media. But she is smothering, forces others into her unity, and reduces bugs to instinct. She sends everyone in her thrall out for blood. Grimm is still a light, but nightmares are associated with darkness and seen as evil and negative. Yet his light is not blinding, but guiding to those under him. He clearly possesses mind altering magic when it comes to personality changes and memory stealing, but he doesn't use it to steal the free will of his followers - Brumm successfully leaves because he wanted to, and he isn't left scarred and broken when that power is vacated from him. Again, Grimm doesn't force you to do the Ritual or even battle him. That's your choice to put on the Grimmchild charm. He simply urges you to do so. He's a vulture who feeds off of the natural life cycle of civilizations, not a violent kingdom toppler like the Radiance is.

These two are the only ones in the entire game to have pre-battle title cards. Even the Pure Vessel, who is higher than Grimm in the boss pantheon, doesn't get one. Only them.

So like. Yeah, you can make an AU where Grimm is evil, but it feels like... I don't know... missing the point of the character? It wipes out all of the nuance that I feel makes him interesting and endearing.

[deathsbestgirl]

so i made a little post once about mulder's & scully's empathy (/compassion). i focused more on scully's because hers is quiet, it's not as obvious as mulder's. it's more contained, in my opinion. and i've just been thinking about about it because of that mulder + compassion post and it's something i love about him.

because sometimes it goes beyond sense. he can extend it to the worst of humanity, because he desperately wants people to be good, to give them the opportunity to do better. one small chance to redeem themselves and prove that humanity at its core is good, that even people who do bad things think they're doing it for good. i think this is why he can't kill csm or krycek. (wondering what this has to do with his father?) and it's a crazy dichotomy, because he will kill to protect. he regrets not pulling the trigger on john barnett before he was able to kill another agent, leaving a family without a father & husband. to when he slits that man's throat to save scully. to the way he feels at the end of pusher or squeeze, or the events of pine bluff variant.

his empathy & compassion are so elevated, but there are instances where he doesn't feel it or maybe can't accept it because the evil (to him) surpasses it. i don't know if this is the best way to word it, or that i'm really getting my point across here. i love the complexity of fox mulder so much, the layers to his character, and sometimes the contradictions like any person has. and this is a big part of it for me. as kae says, he's always holding out his hand to the world, to people who have hurt him before because that's who he is. he is so trusting, as much as he talks about "trust no one," it's a core tenant of his character, to trust freely and openly.

sometimes he contorts himself, refuses to make connections he normally might because he wants to believe, he doesn't want it to be true. he doesn't want to be crushed again. i think there's this idea (hope) that you can't hurt people so intentionally if you know them, care about them, love them. but he also knows that isn't true. that often we are most cruel to people we love, and there are things (guilt, compassion) people can't accept in themselves, that make them act out against specific people who carry those same things. and sometimes, it's easier to blame the scapegoat than face yourself or the people you've hurt (abused) with honesty.

i thought i would go into specifics, but i think there are examples in nearly every episode. we see it in the pilot with scully, and we learn everything he does on the x files is for "the truth" aka love. it starts with samantha, but it quickly extends to every person he meets.

on the mulder compassion scenes post i said:

i love that he especially does this for kids and anyone "other" — but also just adults who've been through something. no matter how awful they are, he extends kindness & compassion. i think his brand of kindness & compassion is rare to extend to adults.

any decent person would treat kids the way he does, but it's a skill. one he has honed beautifully because of his empathy & love. we see it in conduit, eve, born again, etc. a few of my favorite. trying to tell kevin the truth, that ruby probably isn't coming back because no one ever took the time to tell mulder that after samantha. in born again, he makes michelle laugh after the horrible things she saw. in paper hearts and sein und zeit, he needs to help those little kids & their families. they deserve the truth & closure, whatever they can be given.

but i think the way he extends it to adults is something really, really special. in oubilette, he extends it to lucy despite her history with drugs & as a victim most people write off. he believes in her. that she's alive is enough. he tells her how she matters, that she can help someone. he knows she isn't guilty of anything but a connection to a little girl suffering the exact same way she did. when they find the kidnapped girl, drowning in the river, he gives her cpr and won't stop despite scully begging him to give up. he can't, he won't. he wasn't going to let this girl die, he would exhaust himself first, never letting that thought enter his mind. and after, he cries over lucy's body. he didn't really know her, but to him, knowing her at all, for such a short time, was a gift. and she did it. she saved that little girl. and he failed her.

in mind's eye, he connects with marty. the local pd are convinced she's guilty despite the ways it doesn't make sense. he urges her to tell him the truth, to help them get the real killer. that what she sees matters. it isn't about her disability at all. i don't think he pitied her for it, if anything, i think he valued it and what she could "see" that others couldn't. once again, he believed marty could make a difference. her disdain & standoffishness didn't put him off in the slightest. it only intrigues him more. he always wants to understand people. he always believes in them, even when they don't believe in themselves. and that is such a powerful thing. there's also something to the way he respects their choices. it isn't what he wanted for marty, or lucy, but it was their choice. even if marty killed her murderer biological father and lucy died. (if mulder kept in touch with anyone from any of their cases, i think it would be marty. not fucking rapist pmp guy.)

and then there's the "other" category (which you could say lucy & marty fit into also) but when i say that, i really think of roland & harold. in roland, he helps him pick out a shirt. he notices he's good with numbers, even if he isn't a genius mathematician. he tells roland about his bad dreams, and that bad dreams don't mean he is bad — a fear roland didn't voice, but mulder understood from his reactions. and harold, mulder saw the way he cared about the women that were killed. he also liked numbers, but harold specifically liked bowling. he remembered people's scores and he would recite them when he was anxious. mulder picks up on all of this. he sees everything.

mulder cares. just because they're people and they matter. it doesn't matter what they've done, or haven't done. he values them just for existing, and living. he always sees someone's potential. sometimes to his detriment (krycek, csm, diana). but mostly, it's a strength. and just because some people abuse that doesn't make it a character flaw. (and this is what i love about scully: she views this as a strength and something to protect. she can take comfort in her science & facts & pragmatism, and she can support him. i genuinely think she feels it similarly to him, but she does not show it as freely, for a lot of reasons. this is a way she empathizes with mulder.)

there's so so many more. these are just my favorites, besides the way he shows it with scully. how much i love this aspect of mulder is why i posed that question. there are so many, big & small, through the entire series. it's one of the most compelling parts of his character.

[toushindai]

Seeing your thoughts on Rauru, I am now curious: how do you approach Ganondorf as a character? How does that compare or contrast with how you think about Rauru?

Thank you for the ask and all your thoughtful comments!! I've really appreciated them.

Approaching Ganondorf has been a different, more conscious process from how I approached Rauru; when I sat down to start brainstorming "A Sense of Entitlement" there was very much a moment where I had to ask myself "well, what am I trying to communicate about Ganondorf here?" I felt like, because I was putting all this mental work into complicating Rauru, I owed it to Ganondorf to complicate him as well, but I don't think the game presents quite as many juicy contradictions in Ganondorf's character. The game doesn't really seem interested in a well-rounded Ganondorf, a Ganondorf who has a point in resisting Hyrule's formation. Which sucks! Thank god we've all invented fanfiction and can do whatever we want forever.

It took me a little while to pin down the exact shape of him, but what I did decide on very early was that he is just deeply unhappy, the way a bottomless pit is unhappy. Nothing can fill him up besides being in control and exerting that control cruelly. Trace that backwards a bit--back further than he is willing to trace it, because there could be weakness at its source--and there is a paranoia, an inability to trust: only force and domination can be trusted to be real, anything else will be toppled when a strong enough force comes along. Any ally who does not fall 100% in line must be brought into line or self-evidently cannot be trusted. And then peel that feeling back a little more and I see alienation and a hideous, howling loneliness. A how-do-you-survive-this loneliness. And that's the feeling I place at his core--though it's well and truly obliterated from his conscious awareness.

I like writing about alienation? Not realizing that you're queer and autistic until you're in your twenties will do that to you, eh. The alienation from his people that I see in Ganondorf I do honestly read as a bit of a queer one, specifically, given that he is the only person in his culture who is going to exist in his gender category for the entire length of his lifespan. I think that has to feel pretty weird! I think it has to feel alienating, even if the form the alienation takes is that of putting him on a pedestal as king (but also, I have to assume--I will take the liberty of assuming--still being suspicious of other voe in a way that would be obviously visible to Ganondorf). In the fic I have him speaking of the Eighth Heroine, and while when I originally wanted that to be something he learned from Twinrova to inspire him to take pride in himself and the people he would one day lead, I uh. I had to nix that idea because the story of the Eighth Heroine doesn't accomplish that. It is not a story that would make a male Gerudo feel welcome among his people OR reassure him of his people's power! (It is frankly a bad story.) So instead it's something he found when he was--as a much younger man--searching for any evidence that a voe might have a place integrated into Gerudo society. The answer he found was "lmao not even if you save our entire ass 😌." He does not like this story. But to acknowledge how rejected it made him feel would be to look at something he believes is weakness, so instead he focuses on his disgust that even the Seven Heroines needed the strength of an outsider to conquer their enemy.

He has no place in his culture but he has an inescapably prescriptive place in his culture. He was raised knowing that he would be king, that everything he desired would be given to him because he is male. It is impossible to say textually what Twinrova wanted for him because they are. easter eggs. and so I just had to make it up: and what I decided was that they wanted him to be a conqueror, to lead the Gerudo and take over the rest of the land (solidified at some point during his lifespan into the kingdom of Hyrule). They wanted him to rule the Gerudo and the Gerudo to rule the world; but when Ganondorf lost his faith in his kinswomen he also lost interest in being an arm of the Gerudo and instead just wanted power for power's sake. I said this in a comment response but if the game is not going to give me a Ganondorf who is resisting Hyrule for the sake of his people--if it is going to give me a Ganondorf who, upon ascension to the form of the Demon King, seemingly abandons his Gerudo soldiers (Gerudo soldiers who were on board with his attacks on Hyrule! COME BACK THAT WAS INTERESTING) to go joyriding with a bunch of monsters and a rather cool horse instead--then I am going to make that a part of the tragedy of his character. It is a tragedy that he is so disconnected from his people. It is an enormous gaping hole inside him, this lack of connection with anyone.

But to acknowledge that, to feel it, would be to feel weak, and he cannot ever allow that. So he converts it all into cruelty and hatred and misery. He looks at people who have allied with each other and judges them weak for loving peace, for joining together instead of tearing each other apart. (In the Japanese, I am told, he explicitly hates the Zonai for accelerating this process.) He looks at any subordinate--or frankly at any other Gerudo--who does not fall in line with his agenda of unflinching conquest and scorns them for disloyalty and softheartedness. He hates whatever he sees and that hatred would be all-consuming if he were not so strong, so deliberately in control of himself. NOT to toot my own horn but I'm damn proud of this sentence:

Each movement is almost a meditation on his rage, fostering a measured alliance with the disgust and hatred he feels.

I think that is how he experiences just about every waking second. He has cut off all his access to happiness that does not come from dominating and taking away the power and happiness of others, and he has walked so far down this path--each step taking him further away from holistic contentment, each step taking him closer to the ability to dominate all he sees--that he could never turn back now.

Urbosa could've fixed him. imo. when he was much younger. (I'm saying this like a joke but I mean it.)

WAit I forgot to get into how he contrasts with Rauru. The thing between them is that both of them want power, want to have power over others; but Rauru hides this from himself because he thinks the desire for power is evil and he wants to think himself good, whereas Ganondorf... I think is probably comfortable thinking of himself as evil, or at least as what others term evil. And his comfort with his desire for power allows him to wield it much more effectively than Rauru does. We've got a bit of a hard power/soft power contrast going on. Ganondorf believes in power and physical force but Rauru's power lies in diplomacy and civility. In the trappings of social niceties. Ganondorf subjects himself to this framework by swearing his false fealty to Hyrule and finds it more ensnaring than he enjoys (he enjoys it zero), but once he has the opportunity to actually act in his own element by seizing Sonia's secret stone, the social niceties are powerless against his brute force.

[yujeong]

For all the time I've been losing my mind over Pete's tattoo (to the point of getting it tattooed on my own fucking body), I've never really talked about it here, have I? Well. Let me do it now I guess.

The first thing I would like to present here is the origins of Pete's tattoo from the novels. I know, I know, the novels suck and I wasn't proud of including it in Trust is a fragile thing but it was compelling enough that it fit Pete's characterization. A broken clock shows the correct time twice a day or however the phrase goes. Apparently, Tankhun forced all his bodyguards to get tattoos at some point, and Pete got that one for reasons I'm not aware of. I've heard people say that Daemi found the phrase nice and tbh, I believe those people. The purpose of its usage becomes clear in this snippet taken directly from the novels:

(I can go on a whole ass rant about what we're witnessing here, but I'll spare you the headache.) So, what is the actual origin of the phrase? For the people who don't already know, it's from "All's Well that Ends Well", a play written by Shakespeare. It's about a woman who's given in marriage to the man she longs for, but, because she is of lower rank, he refuses to accept the marriage. The phrase, as always with Shakespeare, has more than one meaning and shouldn't be taken at face value. I had found a wonderful analysis about it here:

I find it fascinating how it works with Pete so well, despite Daemi being oblivious to its true meaning. I also find the fact that it works for Pete no matter how you interpret the phrase, equally fascinating. You can take it literally and connect it with Pete's job; how he's honest about the violence he inflicts, the activity he's enacting for the Theerapanyakuls, how he's accepted the nature of it, how "there are no heroes or villains in this world" and so on. You can add his loyalty in there too and make it even juicier. You can also take it ironically and connect it with Pete as a person; how he's not actually honest - he's not open about himself, his desires, his feelings - so with this, it's like he's admitting that he has no legacy. It encapsulates his lack of personhood and it's fucking brilliant. Him sneering at Vegas slightly when he told him "There's no such thing as honesty in this world" after seeing the tattoo on Pete still gives me brainworms, because both of them are thinking of different things here. To me, Pete is thinking of the literal sense which I described above, while Vegas is talking about how people are deceitful and will just lie through their teeth to get what they want (like him). I don't know if that's what the intention was, but them having completely different concepts in mind is something I believe strongly. Now, one very, very important aspect of Pete's tattoo is its position. In the novels, it's on his chest, more specifically on his left side, where his heart is:

Not so subtle, Daemi, huh? The show changed that, as we all saw, and ooohhh what a glorious choice, I love it so much. For a couple of reasons:

The position is more sexual, which contradicts Pete's seeming naivety in regards to sex and romance in the show (proof being, every interaction he had with Porsche, plus the infamous "Kissing is for people we like only"), making everything he and Vegas did in ep12 not come out of nowhere.

It's super fucking low. Obviously it is, given it's his hip but I implore you to look more carefully at the screenshot I shared above, because the distance between his belly button and his tattoo rivals Kinn's open shirts. Istg you can see faint hints of pubic hair right below "No legacy", I swear I see it I'm not insane.

The tattoo being so low means Pete will only be able to see it when naked. I say only naked because even with only his underwear on, it's still hidden. Almost like it's something he'd want to hide even from himself, hmmm curious.

Another fun thing about the tattoo, which kind of applies to both the novel and the show, is the fact that, since it's a phrase, Pete will not be able to read it unless he looks in a mirror and sees the reflection (something I realized by wanting to read my own lol). Alas, another barrier Pete puts on himself to prevent introspection. (I will not touch upon mirrors here, but Pete and mirrors oooohh, what a concept I would love to explore one day.) I could talk about this all day, but I think I got the main points across. I lovelovelove this so much and I'd love to see if there are more analyses of Pete's tattoo out there. Please bring them to my attention if you have them.

[fictionkinfessions]

Sometimes you have your top kin get so strong, so undeniably You(tm) in all aspects, that you just do not have clear timelines for your mems anymore.

"Oh well then maybe some of those mems arent actu-"

Every Single Thing I Say About Dottore Is A Mem unless specifically stated otherwise. If I start typing something immediately, its a mem. It is undeniably correct in my brain, even if I said something contradictory the day before. I cannot properly put it into words. I have about 3 piles of consistent mems then a bunch of other mems scattered on the floor that don't line up with the piles. Perhaps when I finally release and get proper screen time I'll get a properly unfading timeline, as the existing piles all ceased being the Main Thing in the shifts.

I'd say this is partially a product of being Every Segment. In one of those consistent piles I was one conciousness in several bodies. So One Brain contains the memories of many different bodies. Of course contradictions would surface. It seems to just come with the territory of Being Dottore.

I swear I must sound "fake" to anyone else who listens. Sure people often say mems are not a requirement for kinning, a very correct statement of course, but nobody ever really comments on inconsistent memories. Not to say I feel invalid of course, moreso this experience is so difficult to explain, and one I have not heard others experience before, that I'm sure other people would surely think I'm making it up.

I couldn't even begin to theorize on how this happened outside of He is Simply Me Real. We are the Same Person. And I know every time we get more canon lore more and more people out there must think I'm insane and/or stupid for being so open about Being Dottore Real. But I don't care. Trust me I have tried to get this guy to die down in my head but he is always in the background (metaphorically speaking. I personify my thoughts so apologies if it gets confusing). It's so easy to fall into a shift with the right poking and prodding, even when I try to avoid it because whenever he DOES make it out of his cage, he stays in the shift for AGES (metaphorical again).

I'm kind of just rambling at this point- But I don't know, the way my Dottore kinning functions is so wildly intriguing to me. Perhaps its remnants of my breif stint of Delusional Symptoms. (Gotta love getting psychosis symptoms due to chronic depression. Glad I learned that was a thing.) Perhaps he is just that strong of a kin at this point. I'll never know Why. But I love trying to explain it.

So perhaps someone on the blog will be intrigued by my brain as well.

~Il Dottore 🕯♟ (Genshin Impact)

x

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

What *are* your more-specific thoughts about what might've happened with regards to Dazai before Mori met him/Dazai and the old boss? Your tags in that timeline post intrigued me.

Oh, thank you! And hello!

Hmm, well I'll say one thing straight up: I don't have much in the way of specifics. I'm the kind of person who finds it really difficult to make theories in the absence of hard evidence (I've gotten that beaten into my skull from my time in the sciences haha...).

Having said that, there are three ideas I have about Dazai's life before meeting Mori: one which is more headcanon than anything but that I believe at least partially resolves some of the contradictions I mentioned earlier and two which are vague but I really think have to be true.

#1: Dazai is the son of wealthy mafia benefactors who was later taken in by the old boss.

This is the more headcanon-y one but it makes a degree of sense to me. If Dazai was the child of the old boss then he would've been involved more directly in mafia business but he wasn't. Fifteen implies he wasn't even around death all that much, which is likely why the old boss's death provoked such a darkening of his eye and why he thanked the GSS soldier for allowing him to witness his death. If he was the child of benefactors, he may have met the old boss and some of the higher ups, and they might've known who he was - he'd be someone relatively trustworthy without any direct relation. Also, if his family were wealthy and mafia-affiliated, they would have had to engage in those kinds of high-class social connection games - you know, gracious manipulation, get the right people on your side, never let people see you without a smile, that sort of thing. Dazai, at age 15, was already capable of this. He didn't learn it from Mori; Mori just honed what was already there. It would be interesting as well if something happened to his family, leaving Dazai to wander alone for a bit before getting picked up by the old boss, who maybe recognized him. Then, as the old boss succumbed further to his paranoia, he might've lashed out at him, he might've been behaviourally unpredictable, he might've decided young Dazai was the only one he could trust... it's hard to say. No matter what happened between them, there must've been some fondness - Dazai is notably more wary than angry or scared when the old boss attacks him in the fight against Rimbaud and then there's what Hirotsu said about Dazai understanding what Mori did - but also something happened between them or adjacent to them to make Dazai slip further into despair, enough that he tried to die multiple times.

#2: Dazai's ability and suicide attempts were triggered by a constant and inescapable lack of control.

Ok, so I don't have a lot of specifics for this one but I really think it must be true by necessity of his characterization. It's implied that abilities have triggers, which is interesting because it ties into that "abilities are trauma responses" theory I've seen around. For Dazai's to negate abilities - a defensive skill that negates often unfair advantages - it really makes me believe that he developed it because he had no power. Maybe there were lots of skill users around him. Maybe they hurt him and he couldn't get away. This is all hypothetical but the point is that constant and inescapable pain leads to what's called learned helplessness.

Learned helplessness is a behaviour that occurs when an individual is repeatedly subjected to something harsh or unpleasant with no means of making it stop - they have no control over when and how long they will be harmed. Eventually, even if you give them an out, they likely won't take it, because they have internalized the belief of "why bother? i can't control what happens to me anyways." It's one of the underpinnings of major depression and c-PTSD.

I find it very interesting that Dazai apparently took no action of his own asides from trying to end his own life until Mori showed up and gave him an out - perhaps that's part of the reason Dazai remained loyal to Mori until he chose to sacrifice Odasaku. I heavily believe Mori, like always, was the preferable alternative to an already horrible situation. I've commented before on how Dazai is not proactive and has to be pushed into doing things. Much of the time, he doesn't seem to see a point to it. Either that, or he's actually got the whole situation under his control already, which ties into the main reason I think he came from this kind of powerless background - he's a huge control freak.

It starts with Mori. Dazai realizes he can threaten Mori into being afraid of him and it works. Then he tries to control Chuuya. That didn't go so well. Very annoying. Also a little bit threatening to him. He continues to try and one-up the guy. He did manage to manipulate the Sheep and then scare other members of the Mafia into fearing him. Good. He is in control. Then he honed his mind under Mori, so that he's always a step ahead. What's more, he already knew how to slap on a smile so everyone thinks he knows more than them even when he might not. He maintains this underlying control not just in his mafia days but also with the agency, which is, in my opinion, one of his major flaws that holds him back from developing as a person.

Thing is, if Dazai just liked feeling superior to others, I would expect his reaction towards being waylaid to be more anger-based. Sure, he can get irritated, but what we typically see more prominently is actually a flash of shock, desperation or fear - think of the Q chapter (shouting and racing back to intercept Atsushi as quickly as he could), 55 Minutes (his shocked and uncoordinated attempt to lash out after being stabbed), Fifteen (his expression at finding out Arahabaki's identity) - before he schools himself back under control. It comes across less as a desire for control and more of a pathological need for it - I wouldn't expect to see this reaction in someone who had control when they were younger.

As an addendum, it's also good to note that Dazai seems to be disgusted and feel more hatred (actually rare to see open expressions of these from him) for people who control others in some way - Fyodor, Q. Moreover, his respect for Chuuya, someone who similarly comes from a background of a lack of personal agency, is to openly offer him a choice in the form of a question. It's more than just performative; he really did try to come up with backup plans so that if Chuuya legitimately wanted an out, he could have it. When you draw the through lines, I think this makes sense.

#3: Dazai was an emotionally neglected child.

Alright, this is the last one and I'll try to be more brief about it. I mentioned that Dazai had to have picked up his ability to read the room and "sweet-talk" people into telling him things long before he met Mori, but I should also note that genuine matters of the heart seem to be incredibly foreign to him - as an example, his inability to understand how Rimbaud's concern for his partner could be such a powerful motivator for his actions. The answer to this is, of course, that one is fake niceties and the other is real connection. Dazai, being hyper-intelligent, likely picked up on social fakery from a young age but did not have the offset of real concern for his feelings or well-being as a necessary balance. It's interesting because Dazai is actually very skilled at picking up on other's feelings and dispositions even if he doesn't necessarily get it - his blind spot is actually his own feelings and how other people relate to him.

Emotional neglect is characterized by the absence of caregiver interactions in nurture, connection and response to distress. The caregiver consistently responds to the child's emotions by ignoring, dismissing or demeaning them, which leads the child to withdraw and believe their feelings are wrong and unimportant. They often struggle with relationships because they feel chronically disconnected, isolated and misunderstood.

Signs and symptoms of neglect include:

Low self-esteem

Odd emotional responses and poor regulation

An inability to ask for or accept support from others

A lack of language for describing feelings

Dissociation and "shutting-down" (lack of emotional responsivity)

Distrust of others

Persistent feelings of loneliness, guilt, and shame

Purposeful sabotaging of relationships in order to avoid rejection and hurt

It is also highly associated with anxiety, dissociative disorders, depressive disorders and c-PTSD. Um. Yeah. I don't think I really need to explain too much here.

Whenever Dazai attempts to be more sincere, it typically comes out kind of awkward. He stumbles over his offer to Rimbaud of fulfilling any last wishes or favours as he lays dying in Fifteen, awkwardly asks if him and Odasaku will meet again in Day I Picked Up Dazai, and hesitates trying to find the right words to reveal the truth to Chuuya about the resetting of his code on activation of Corruption in Stormbringer. It's like he has no frame of reference for how he should act or feel. In these cases, it legitimately comes across as him just not knowing.

More than that, Dazai is very... clingy. Like. When he gets to know someone he needs to invade their space. He needs so much attention. He pokes and prods at Chuuya incessantly. He rambles away to and is always in Oda and Ango's personal space. He annoys Kunikida to no end and is ridiculously happy when the man snaps and attacks him. Pops up behind Atsushi and generally gets in his space. Needs to cause some ruckus daily and have people react to it. Yeah. It's comedic in the context of the series but also... you know... you know.

In summary, I like theories that focus on Dazai as a human being with trauma. While I've seen some cool ones that wonder if he is not human or if he's connected to The Book, they don't sit right with me since I think his arc is all about realizing he is, in fact, human, and the ways in which trauma can mess you up and make you feel like an alien or a ghost or something inhumanly monstrous when you are not.

Dazai's consistent failures to live up to his own and others' standards of humanity become a lot more meaningful to me when he is... just a very screwed up guy who happens to be smart. Get what I mean?

Besides, The Book is already connected to a character here and that character is Atsushi!

I was not more brief about this... Oh well. Those are my thoughts. If you guys had the patience to read this whole thing - WOW! I'd love to know what you think!

Thank you for the question!

[gerrydelano]

i need to catch up on your fics but i am chin hands about trans fem gerry. i remember you talking about it before but id love to hear any new or updated thoughts :0

some of it would be spoilers for the PBR epilogue so i'm going to keep that to myself until then, but! ultimately i just was thinking about the fact that he uses she/her pronouns and enters Girl Mode in his happiest moments, his most intimate and vulnerable moments with people he trusts to love him, and what that says about his actual state of being outside of those moments. it means he's not fully happy or comfortable, there's something holding him back, which i've gathered is a fairly common feeling.

he's still got an attachment to being A Son specifically it's just rooted in his being but look me in the eyes and tell me that ever made him feel safe in his own body or head or surroundings. y'know? there's spoiler territory there with that part of the discussion though so heehee.

(not that long i just don't want everything stretching the dash where i might not be able to edit it later)

i do think she's always going to identify himself as a fag though which is also pretty common because things are more complicated than they are binary and he's always a color wheel understander. his gender is faglady but realistically her gender is also just nothing you could comprehend if you're not open to contradiction. you can't expect him to fit into neat little boxes, she just won't do it, it's not anybody else's business but his.

so. transfem gay man is probably still where he's at in general at this point in time in my writing but as time has gone on his egg has increasingly cracked lol it's just a matter of like... what's going on in his life, who she's with, how safe he feels being herself. as of right now, she saves herself for tim and tim is nothing but reverent about it and i could go ON about how her sex life goes hand in hand with her gender but i don't want to flood the dash with BDSM discussion LOL even though i have thoughts for MILES about it. i talked a bit about it in the link above iirc. it's incredibly soft and meaningful and also, crucially, sexy. but mostly it just makes her feel so incredibly safe and desired and respected and these are all things that were previously missing from her life in such a huge way, like.

look at his life. look at the life he's lived and tell me he's ever been fully happy playing the role he was put in. the expectations his mother had of him, that gertrude had of him, the way he was expected to obey and sacrifice and even hurt people at times because that's just how the world works, right.

well, he's never wanted to participate in that way of living! and he only did it as a survival mechanism because where else could he go but always come back home to mary and her dreams for him which were always just an extension of herself, he was nothing to her but an extension of herself and her wants and her beliefs and he was anything but that, even when he tried to blend in. half the time he measures his life from injury to injury. his whole life felt like nothing but punishment and for a long time he wouldn't even know what for.

it can be such a transgender narrative if you look at it. the repression that he'd have had to deal with is insane even if you look at how loud and proud he is about his sense of style (which is extremely queer in and of itself.)

and i also just do not buy transmasc gerry i'm so sorry you can absolutely have that HC if you want and i will not attack you for it but look at him. listen to him. and also remember that eric, who died when gerry was 2 years old, referred to him as his son. sorry but that to me says he's amab because He Was Un Bebe. also in what WORLD would mary be a supportive parent to a trans kid. she literally insists on calling him by his full birth name that he DOESN'T LIKE BEING CALLED; classic trans thing! he canonly has a PREFERRED name. a preferred androgynous name!

it just makes more sense to me that he's transfem. i don't believe he has a desire to be all that traditionally masculine. he literally is so gnc in canon and his whole life just reads to me as "person who did not get the chance to fully embrace themselves because everything was just too damn hard." i also enjoy depicting people transitioning later in life, because it's never too late! it's NEVER too late to embrace who you are and work out who you've wanted to be for a long time.

i think he still lives in ambiguity and grey areas and blindspots. it may not have even occurred to him that she wanted to transition until later in life anyway because life never slowed the fuck down for him enough to let himself ask the questions! but he knew he wanted his hair long. he paints his nails. he wears eyeliner and dangly jewelry and alt clothes and yeah, cis people can do that, but it's also a way to flag! a very strong way of flagging! these are all the things that felt right to him in canon and no one stays that alt into their thirties without a little bit of gender going on somewhere in the mix, be serious, y'know? g-d. i'm so invested forever in gerry's gender jfhbnkjn.

he doesn't like labels, he really doesn't. and she might not ever call herself a woman as much as a lady in particular but she likes the phrases "good girl" and "princess" in bed, she likes being seen as feminine in comparison to a partner, she has feminine preferences. she would probably use more reclaimed slurs to refer to herself than i'm comfortable just tossing around but like, a lot of people prefer those as identifiers than "man" or "woman" like i refer to myself as a fag dyke all the time and it's more affirming to me than trying to decide if i'm a trans guy or if i'm a butch dyke At All Times. gender can be complicated! i think it IS complicated for gerry at the moment with his baggage but i imagine if he were ever able to really let go of that baggage, she'd be a very different, happier person. i think she would like it to be simpler sometimes. she treats it simply even if other people might not be able to. she's really calm about all of it, and even as it changes, it just makes her confidence grow. really comes down to the people she's surrounded by and the opportunities that she manages to grab a hold of in terms of finally letting herself just be. and i just think the results of it are really gorgeous.

anyway transfem gerry truther forever