#just to try to streamline my nonsense a bit more

[daycourtofficial]

Tell me I’m the only, only, only, only one - part 8

Pairing: Eris x Azriel x reader | WC: 5.9k | warnings: discussions of pain? idk

Summary: the aftermath of sleeping with Eris isn’t as confusing as you thought it would be. Things with Azriel are getting better in a way you hadn’t expected, until a discussion with Rhysand opens the two of you up to a new idea that might solve all of your problems

Author’s note: happy @polysjmweek !!! Yall have been feral for this and I’ve been doing my best to get this out. It’s a bit fillery, but we have to set some stuff up!!

Previous part | Masterlist

The afternoon passed in bed with Eris, the scent of Azriel becoming weaker and weaker as the minutes ticked by. Eris had asked you to try to inflict pain, allowing you to touch him without any hesitancy.

It was a strange sensation. You were used to stitching pieces back together (either by hand or by magic). Decades of your life were devoted to learning everything about the varieties of fae - different skeletal structures, the extra musculature of winged fae. Illness, disease, injury - you were a generalist, preferring to be able to treat any ailment you ran into.

But he insisted you try and try again, each attempt at streamlining your magic in the opposite direction going nowhere, leaving you exasperated and slightly embarrassed at failing before the Vanserra. Despite that, it was almost nice being in the cabin with him. He was still Eris, spouting off insults every five minutes. As the afternoon wore on, his barbed words seemed less sharp, almost lazily thrown in a half assed attempt.

But still you felt a deep ache inside of you, some small pang in the back of your throat like something wasn’t quite right.

After about an hour or so, you wanted to give up. It was just a theory Eris had - in all your years of studying and meeting healers, you had never heard of this ability. You became more exasperated with each attempt, growing more and more convinced this was Eris’s attempt at procuring his own amusement.

“Think of Azriel.” Eris’s voice had cut through the thick air of disappointment you were suffocating in. What did Azriel have to do with this? And why had he been so far from your own thoughts for hours, when he was always at the forefront of your mind these past few months?

“What?”

“Think of Azriel. Think of the arrows in his back and in his wings. You felt his pain. Now remember it.”

You took a deep breath, stilling yourself, allowing Eris’s words to wash over you. You closed your eyes, trying to step into the memory. You thought about the living room of the cabin, the open space with minimal decoration. Azriel’s shallow breaths filled your ears, only allowing yourself to breathe after each of his. Your nose twitched at the copper smell, how every part of you had been roaring at the scent of his blood. How you clung to hope, wanting that feeling to surge through your hands and make its way into Azriel’s skin. You wanted him pieced together with every bit of hope or happiness you harbored, his skin a mosaic of your affection.

Your stomach dropped at the memory, pouring yourself fully into the moment that was days past, not allowing yourself the comfort of knowing he is somewhere in Velaris and he is fine. You had to live in the past, reaching for that feralness you dampened way down. Every sense heightened, the pain you took from Azriel was on the tip of your fingers. You were giving the pain life, letting it live in the very tips of your hands, feed off your blood and energy. its sole creator.

If one's lucky, pain only lives on in memory. Now it lived at your fingertips, growing and festering, waiting to latch onto a new host.

You exhaled slowly, grabbing Eris’s hand one last time. You weren’t really sure what to do, so you just swirled patterns on the palm of his hand, your fingers moving up to his wrist but going no further. You were tracing nonsensical swirls to etch into his skin, maybe even his soul.

The male did not react, staying as still as he had during all of your other attempts. Your heart dropped at the disappointment, feeling shame creep up your neck at having Eris watch you fail again.

So much for him considering the two of you equals. Fitting he’d only consider someone capable of inflicting harm to be an equal.

Your ministrations stopped, the silence of the room stilling your movement. Every other time you had tried, each failure was met with some response from the redhead. Now he sat silent, a sight you had never seen before.

Slowly, you cracked open an eye, unsure of what you wished to see. His pale arm was still extended toward you, but the freckles were now hidden beneath raised red abrasions. Your path of swirls overlapped each other, but they were easy enough to still follow. They all made varying trails of raised red skin, some parts more scratched, others looking more like painful welts.

You gaped at him, surprised such a thing could come from you. Something took root in your chest - pride, maybe? Healing magic was one of the most well documented types of magic, one of the most common and most useful. A large percentage of high fae had varying degrees of healing powers - from accelerated self healing to regrowing limbs. And you had just done something never documented before. Perhaps never even accomplished before. A huge, cheesy grin overtook your face, and a shocked laugh came out as well.

“Even songbirds have claws, don’t they?”

Finally looking at Eris’s face, his sharp features were an attempt at indifference. He held his face neutrally, and weeks ago you would have been fooled, but his eyes gave him away. They sparkled a rich amber in the light, losing the dark edges to make way for something brighter.

Looking at him now, the mask peeled back enough to see his enjoyment, you knew this was the Eris that Azriel had fallen so in love with. So disarming not even centuries of hatred could withstand it.

-

You left the cabin behind you not long afterward, the door finally giving so the two of you could leave. Maybe the shadows heard your laughs, allowing your exit? Or maybe Azriel wasn’t willing to allow his mates to miss dinner?

Whatever the case, you were happy to winnow back to Velaris, your stomach desperate for food. You had a one track mind as you headed for one of your favorite restaurants, a casual, quaint restaurant that had your favorite booths to curl up in and read on lunch breaks. The glow of the restaurant met your eyes, but someone bumped into you, their shoulder hitting you lightly. You looked as they apologized, continuing to shuffle off before you could say anything, their brown hair swaying.

Your gaze lingered just long enough at their retreating form that you noticed the stationary shop you had passed by. Without thinking, you doubled back, walking inside to find perhaps the most gorgeous shop you’ve ever been inside. Dark wood floors and counters, notebooks and pens and every organizational need was color coded.

You get your bearings long enough to pick up some pens and a journal, not really thinking, just doing. Seeing the shop made you think of Azriel, his secret devotion to journaling offering you insight into his inner life.

The past few weeks had been a tangled web of emotion, a back and forth of what lay ahead of you. You needed to unscramble your own inner life, figuring out what you thought and how you felt and write down every detail to look back on. You paid for your supplies, cradling them beneath your arm as you walked back across the street before being recognized by your hostess. She immediately found a small booth, offering it to you before scurrying off.

The hum of other patrons, bits of their conversation, and the hustle of the staff allowed your mind enough background noise to sort out the day you had. This was exactly where you needed to be. Alone with your thoughts, but productive. Now you get to spend a few hours tucked into a booth, scribbling it all out. You started the journal where this whole saga began - when your mating bond with Azriel snapped into place. Four months now felt like a lifetime ago, but that first day was seared into your memory.

It was a usual day. You had gone to work. You had a few patients that needed immediate tending to, the four males having been lost in the woods for quite a while. They would be fine, but you had stayed late to ensure a continued watch, waiting for one of the other junior healers to take over for you.

In the chaotic stretch of time you and Madja were helping them, you hadn’t been aware of just how much time had passed until your patients had been stabilized and a large Illyrian had made his way into the workshop.

Azriel’s face betrayed nothing, except a bit of relief at you being alive in front of him. At the sight of him, you turned to the window, not having noticed the setting sun that had sent the place into darkness.

“Az! I hope you’re not upset with me, merely lost track of time.”

He looked over the four beds, the four males all tucked into multiple blankets, redness in their cheeks and noses.

“I can see that.”

“They’ve been in the woods for a week,” you whispered low enough so the patients would continue sleeping but Azriel would still hear. He hunched over slightly, getting closer to you as you continued. “Poor males lost themselves on the Atterage Slope.”

Azriel sucked in a breath, somewhat familiar with the rocky terrain. He looked at the males again, wondering how they managed to make it out that far.

“What were they doing out there? Usually only Illyrians go out that way. Uneven paths are difficult without wings.”

“Tell me about it.” You chortled. “They seem pretty young. I think they’re in their thirties.”

Azriel nodded as if it was reason enough, remembering the dumb adventures of his own youth. The ridiculous schemes Cassian and Rhysand had pulled him into. The few schemes of his own he pulled them into.

It was a miracle none of them were this bad off.

“Ah, to be young and so brave.”

“You sound old saying that.”

Azriel’s wings fluttered slightly, the slight gush of air causing you to snort. In that breath of a laugh, your world tilted as if you had lost your balance, but you hadn’t moved. The air held a heavy dusting of magic to it, your vision nearly sparkling with it. Everything felt stronger, some sense of connection holding you steady despite your wobbly knees.

Looking at Azriel now felt as if you were allowed to look at the sun. What it must feel like to gaze upon the one thing that gives everything life, every aspect of your world orbiting around it just for a flash of its warmth.

The breath caught in your throat, before allowing for a new inhale of air that somehow felt crisper, as if the oxygen in it knew you weren’t the same as you were thirty seconds ago. As if every piece of life were more intense now that your universe had an anchor.

Azriel was your anchor, your lifeline, your tether to this world. Someone who was supposed to see your darkest parts and love them. Someone who would do anything for you.

There were theories about mates. Some people thought it was a matter of fertility, others thought the Mother was selecting for complementary traits in mates. You always liked the idea that mates were what you weren’t, giving one a new perspective to consider.

Reflecting on that day, it felt silly to wait so long. Each attempt you made to tell him the truth that lingered on your tongue at all hours failed miserably. The timing never felt right, and as happy as you had been about it, you had needed some time to adjust.

You adored the shadowsinger, his company one you always enjoyed. But were either of you ready for a long term commitment? Feyre had told you over a glass of wine once that all Azriel had wanted was a mate, leaving him pining after females in hopes they were his.

You had spent so long devoted to your studies, and now as a junior healer, were truly feeling your stride. Flings and short term relationships happened, but nothing you’d ever want to commit to for a year, much less the rest of your life.

But you spent those four months observing Azriel. How he drank his coffee, how he liked to sit in front of windows in the morning to warm his wings, how he always sat next to you and was the first to get up if you wanted anything.

You saw his pessimism, catching glimpses of the self-loathing that threatened to drown him. Some deep part of you knew that if you were right about mates, if they were chosen for complementing each other, your optimism and hopefulness was exactly what he needed. And his loyalty and steadiness was what you needed from him.

But how did Eris play into all of this? What did he provide that Azriel needed?

All of your thoughts had been logged in your journal, your food here and gone in the time you spent in your mind, deciding it was time to go home.

You had no way of making it up to the House of Wind without a winged escort. You could winnow, allowing the drop to just bang you up a little. Or you could walk the ten thousand steps and continue to think.

Restlessness crept up inside you, your foot tapping to expel the nervous energy. The steps would take longer and allow you to clear your head a bit more, potentially allowing you to sneak in unnoticed.

But they would suck.

Nesta’s smug face appeared in your mind, echoing her sentiments of a ticking clock. You sighed, making your way into the stairwell, letting the stone help still your racing mind.

-

***

The ascent hadn’t been as bad as you thought, even though your thighs were on fire. You couldn’t look over the side of the stairs, the dizzying height enough to make you want to hug the wall as you climbed up the quiet stairwell.

But you made it. Barely breathing, but you made it.

All you wanted was to collapse into bed, or to even lean against the doorframe for a few minutes, but if you stopped now, it’d take you ages to get back up. Rest was not an option until you were sure it would be hours before you’d expect to rise again.

The house was quiet as you crept through it, the pain in your legs sending hissing sounds from your mouth with each step. The halls were dark, a stillness in the air only there when all three of your roommates were away for training. The stairs to your bedroom were so close, you just have to make it through the kitchen where you can easily creep past Nesta and Cassian’s floor and make it to where yours and Azriel’s chambers lie.

“Have fun wherever you snuck off to?”

You stilled, Cassian’s booming voice bouncing off the walls of the stairwell. The laugh behind the words wasn’t quite right, a bit stilted for the usually jovial Illyrian.

“I didn’t do much sneaking.” Cassian shrugged as if you hadn’t said anything at all, either completely ignoring the lie or not believing it.

“Elain dropped off some cookies earlier. Want one? Otherwise I’ll eat them all and Nesta will be mad I didn’t save you any.” You turned, coming back down the stairs as he held out the box stiffly. The cookies did look great, a sweet aroma wafting from them you had missed in your panic to get to your room.

“Couldn’t you just not eat them all?”

His jaw clicked, the slight grind of his teeth loud enough for you to hear. He rummaged through the box before he held out a cookie, pointing it at your neck. “Couldn’t help myself. Just like whatever leech you tangled with today.”

Your hand flew to your neck, trying to shield whatever hickeys laid there. Beneath one of your fingers the skin was tender to the touch, a sure sign of Eris’s pleasure. You untucked your hair, draping it over your neck in a shameful attempt to hide away the day’s activities. The movement wafted the scent of Eris through the air, a quick momentary flash of pale skin and bedsheets, his intoxicating scent of whiskey and bonfire leaving you hungry for more than the cookie in front of you.

Cassian just watched, his outstretched arm acting as a guide to the marks on your now semi-covered neck. The two of you stared at each other, neither conceding in this strange standoff. The general was almost disappointed and upset to find you in such a state, as if he were your jilted lover.

You hadn’t done anything wrong. Not even the mating bond in your chest was upset.

So why was Cassian?

You gave up, snatching the cookie from his hand a bit more forcefully than you should have.

“Does Azriel know?”

You choked on your cookie, coughing lightly. Heat climbed up your chest at Cassian’s question and the fact that you could feel a slight ache in between your legs. You crossed them, trying to limit the smell of your arousal from making its way to Cassian.

“Yes. Azriel knows.” He didn’t - at least not yet. There was no way to properly tell your mate you slept with his other mate.

But he knew you were with Eris. Was the reason you were with Eris.

It was Cassian’s fault for not specifying.

He eyed you wearily, not touching the cookies as you turned from him, ascending the stairs and away from his scrutinizing gaze.

-

Your first day back at work was less than fantastic. Madja hovered over your shoulder, watching your every move. You bit your tongue the whole day, knowing better than to ask her to give you space. She’d respond with some variation of ‘I don’t want to, but you leave me no choice’ or ‘I trained you to not burnout, what other teachings have you foregone?’

Easy, menial tasks filled your day, but your mind was so numb by the end you walked much more leisurely to where you usually meet up with Azriel. Your feet strolled the familiar path, everything familiar and ordinary while you felt anything but.

You could have mentioned to Madja the progress you had made with Eris, but it felt too much like a secret between the two of you. You also didn’t want to tell anyone before fully gaining control over it. You were able to hurt him once. You needed more practice, more control over it.

You had soaked in the tub for a long while last night, scrubbing away all traces of Eris. Your neck had healed overnight, gone were the purple and red marks Cassian had seen in the kitchen. Though they were gone, you still felt their bite whenever you pressed into the skin, the dull pain enough of a reminder that it had been real and not some figment of your imagination.

Catching sight of Azriel at the end of the road sent flutters through your stomach, your mind restarting again as you blinked away the mundanity of your day. You couldn’t stop the smile that broke out on your face, your steps quicker to reach him. The matching smile on his face was like a siren song, pulling you to him.

“You are a nice sight after the day I’ve had, even if you did lock me in a cabin yesterday.”

It surprised you how light you felt seeing him. The past few weeks his face had made you into a melting pot of emotion, but now you only felt calm. Even if he had locked you in a cabin, the outcome was quite fruitful for you, so your ire was in short supply.

“Surely any face is better than boils and warts.”

“None of those today. Just Madja lecturing me every ten minutes. I hope your day fared better.”

His eyes twinkled as he looked down at you, a few of his shadows gently rolled down your arms, intertwining in your fingers. Their cool touch was familiar, a stark contrast to the heat that had radiated from Eris’s skin the previous day.

“Not much better. Tedious. Annoying brothers.”

“Oh, not both of them I hope.”

“Rhys wasn’t too bad, Cassian was the main bother.” You grimaced, lightly toeing your shoe in the street.

“That might be my fault. He found me when I came home last night and he force fed me a cookie.” His eyebrows raised at that, a confused laugh coming from him.

“Why didn’t you say no to the cookie?”

“It was one of Elain’s, who am I to turn that down?”

“Have you eaten anything since the cookie?”

You thought back over your day, the wearisome day not even broken up with a nice break for food.

“I had some coffee this morning.”

“That’s not food.”

You rolled your eyes, lightly jabbing him in the ribs with a finger. At that moment, your stomach decided to growl loudly enough to bring a slight smirk to Azriel’s face.

“Are you doing anything tonight? We could get dinner somewhere.”

“Yeah? Where would you want to go?” You stepped closer, invading his space. He smelled just like he always did, that comforting scent of night chilled mist and cedar that felt like a romanticized version of camping. You picked up hints of the bonfire smell that clung to Eris, melding so perfectly with Azriel’s scent it was practically hidden to everyone but you.

“Do you like comfort food?”

“Love it.”

“Then it’s a surprise.”

“So full of secrets.”

He only smiled, his arms wrapping around the backs of your legs and your shoulders, quickly pulling you into his chest before shooting off into the sky. Your laughter echoed down the street, bouncing down the alleyway.

How many times have you been cradled by him as he soared through the skies, his great wings beating against the air? The number could be in the thousands and it would not matter. Your heart stalled each time, and if you looked down you were sure to find the organ in the place you had just stood.

“You’re cruel!” You shouted over the wind directly into his ear. He flinched at your volume.

“I believe cruelty is in my job title.”

“I believe it has a stipulation that you’re not allowed to be cruel to me.”

“Forgive me. I’m not a fan of such formalities as titles.”

“You brought it up!” Azriel landed the two of you onto the balcony, his feet cushioning the impact. You laughed into his ear, incredulous and loud, not adjusting for the stillness his landing provided.

“Must you assign blame for everything?”

The sun cast away his shadows, his smile bright as the warm rays hit his wings. He looked wonderfully happy, practically glowing in the light. You weren’t sure you had ever seen him so happy. His eyes were on your face, golden flecks nearly blinding with joy.

“Ah, great for you two to join us!” Rhys’s voice burst the bubble, Azriel’s beaming face turning into a scowl before he looked at his brother. The spell was broken, the shadows back over his face before speaking.

“What is this?” His grip on you slackened, your body practically spilling from his arms. You stood unsteadily, not expecting the sudden loss of him. Gaining your balance, you looked around to find several familiar faces around the usually empty dining table. Despite it being Cassian and Nesta’s home, Rhysand sat at the head with Feyre on his left, Cassian and Nesta on his right.

They all looked serious, their faces not giving anything away. You knew Nesta and Rhys were usually at odds, but to see them seemingly united on some front slightly concerned you. Nesta wouldn’t even look at you, her jaw tight as she looked at Rhys.

“We wanted to discuss something with you.” Rhysand was clearly the one taking charge with whatever this intervention was. Azriel stood guarded, one of his wings slightly blocking you to keep him between you and his family. He stayed silent, waiting for Rhysand to say more.

“The gala in Hewn City is next week - Eris will be attending.” Azriel stiffened next to you, the color draining from his face. Everyone else was quiet, Azriel’s plea loud at the pause. “Rhysand-“

Rhys put his hands up, leaning back in his chair, his eyes focused on you, not even looking at his brother.

“Well he does like you, doesn’t he?”

“What? What’s the problem, Az?” Azriel ignored you, his glare fixed in Rhys, only occasionally flickering to Cassian. None of what Rhys was saying made any sense. What do you have to do with Eris and Hewn City? And why was Azriel acting like it was a death sentence?

“Surely you don’t think Eris is so foolish to fall for the same trick a second time.” Gone was Azriel’s joyous laughter, his voice on the precipice of violence.

“Somehow I think it’ll work quite well this time.” Rhys looked at you, every ounce a feline predator having found their next meal. You stepped back at his gaze, never having felt so pinned in place before. “Won’t it?”

The question lingered in the air, but you still weren’t quite understanding. They were gaps in your knowledge, but you had always figured Rhysand wouldn’t leave you in the dark quite like this.

“Azriel, I don’t- what’s he talking about?”

“Yes, Azriel. What are we talking about?” Rhys cocked his head at Azriel, mimicking your questioning tone.

“They want to offer you as bait to Eris. Charm him to what - propose?”

Rhysand finally turned to his brother, violet eyes desperately searching into Azriel’s. You could feel Azriel’s apprehension and rage through the bond - he felt like a cornered animal, ready to attack and maim at any minute.

You still weren’t quite getting what the problem was. No one other than Rhys would look at you, their eyes focused on the ringleader of this intervention. But interventions had a reason, one you were only tangentially understanding.

You had spoken to Nesta before of Eris, asking her if he was as difficult as he seemed. It was practically a lifetime ago when you told her you pitied the fae mated to him. Looking at Azriel, you felt heat creep up your chest and neck at how wrong you had been.

“We can’t let potential allies slip through our fingers, Azriel.”

Rhys deflated just slightly, clearly unsatisfied with what he found in Azriel. He turned back to you, sizing up his prey. It sent shivers down your spine. You looked to Nesta again, looking for some sense of solidarity, of not feeling like a cow at auction, but she gave you none, only looking at the table in silence.

“Think about it, sleep on it, give me an answer in a few days.”

Azriel’s palm was gentle as it pressed against your back, quickly ushering you from the room, shielding your body with his wings. His long strides conveyed his urgency to get you out of there, your own feet barely keeping up with his speed.

Azriel pushed you into your room, his shadows scoping every inch of the room, tugging on every door and window, ensuring the room was secure. His face darkened, his hands almost shaking with rage. You had never seen him like this, his anger chilling the room by a few degrees.

“I can’t believe they’d do this. Suggest this. Allow you, urge you to marry him.” Every word was hurried and rushed, each a half formed thought you didn’t fully follow. His words were biting, but you didn’t flinch nor back down.

“I don’t understand, Az. Eris isn’t the evil villain they think he is.” You were certain you could talk him down, get him to see that this isn’t the death sentence he’s acting like it is.

“Thankfully. But they don’t know that. They’re offering you to this evil monstrous version of him. As well as marching you straight to Beron.”

He was practically on high alert, his body still guarding you, his shoulders straight and ready for any enemy attack.

You had forgotten about Beron. For one brief moment, you had forgotten the danger that Eris lived in constantly.

“I will be okay.” You didn’t have any reason for such confidence, but deep in your chest you knew it to be true. You knew Eris wouldn’t allow any harm to come to you.

“I don’t like this. I don’t like how they’ve banded together on this.” You could practically hear how loud he was thinking, his mind racing as he paced back and forth in front of you.

“They know something.”

It came through like a clang, the thought rattling around your mind.

“They think they can use me to get Eris to do whatever they want.”

Azriel looked at you, realization dawning on his features. His lips parted, making a slight ‘o’ as he stared, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

“They want to use him through you.”

You nodded, your jaw ticking at the idea of making anyone beholden to them through their mate.

“They think he’s my mate.”

You wanted to tell Azriel about your romp in the sheets with Eris. The urge wasn’t coming from a place of guilt, but rather just the urge to confide in him, to ask him what it could mean.

But now didn’t feel like the right time. There were more pressing matters.

“They think he’s my mate.” It was half-formed, the idea coming through to you. How you could play this, how all of this could play out. As nosey and annoying as Azriel’s family was, they may have just handed the two of you the perfect card.

“Azriel, this could solve everything. I go to Autumn as Eris’s bride..” you trailed off, hoping he would pick up on your train of thought. A moment later he was standing straighter, his shadows moving to swirl on the floor instead of at his shoulders.

“And I could join you as a guard, as your protector.”

“Do you think Beron would allow that? He’d assume you’re there to spy.”

He thought for a long while, his face scrunching with the effort of concentration. He was still annoyed, but his breathing was slowing down, his stance relaxing.

“It would allow me to visit Autumn more without them becoming suspicious at least.”

A hazy plan was forming between you two. Could this actually work? You certainly weren’t Eris’s favorite person, but surely you could get along well enough to live together. And maybe he could provide some protections for you against Beron.

“I think there’s more to-“ he was cut off by someone at your door, three quick knocks telling you exactly who it was. Azriel disappeared into the shadows in your closet as the door opened, Nesta making her way into your room. She looked around the space, expecting to find someone.

“I heard voices.”

“You’re hearing things, Nesta.” You were a bit cross with her, unable to help the betrayal you felt as she allowed Rhys to offer you up to Eris. Nesta had been your friend and watching her sit idly by as you continued asking questions, not understanding, only enraged you more.

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know Rhys was going to ask you to do this.” She looked sincere, the care for you she harbored clear across her face.

“It’s fine, Nesta.” It wasn’t, but you wanted her to leave so you could keep talking to Azriel. You didn’t want to have this conversation now, didn’t want her to know how happy it would make you.

“No. I didn’t - I think Cassian told him.”

“Told him what?”

“That I think you and Eris are mates.”

Wherever Azriel was, you were sure he was listening. You felt tingly at having figured it out yourself, but you played dumb, the shocked expression on your face was one that was just fake enough to continue to lead her on this trail of thinking.

“Why would you think that?” You had already deduced their idea, but you didn’t quite know why. Her eyes tracked the book that still laid on your nightstand, the book you had gotten in secret to mourn the mating bond between you and Azriel.

“Is that the secret? Is that what you can’t tell me? Azriel knows, right? He’s been covering for you.”

“Yes.” The lie rolled off your tongue, “Azriel knows.”

You hated lying to Nesta, the action nearly giving you a rash somewhere on your shoulder. It was your one tell, but you couldn’t give it up now. You’d let them think you and Eris were mates, slowly easing them into the actual reality of how messy and entangled yours, Azriel, and Eris’s lives were.

It was a bit silly. Surely Azriel could just tell his loved ones about his own mateship.

But now, looking at Nesta and seeing the depths of pity in her gaze, you knew why Azriel had never told them.

For a moment, you wondered if that’s how they’d look at him if he told them of your mating. Would they be happy it wasn’t Eris for you? Your heart panged a bit, so much heartache and pain over Eris.

“I didn’t tell you because I had a hard time believing it myself.” You chuckled self-deprecatingly, rubbing your arm as you stood awkwardly. “You caught me.”

If she thought you were lying, she didn’t say. Or give anything away to indicate it.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad.” You looked up only to find her face full of resolve. “I’m much younger than all of you and unaware of the full history, but Eris seems… well, surely if the Mother mated the two of you it was for a good reason.”

“Perhaps good breeding stock.” Nesta shook her head, looking you over.

“No, there’s something about you. There must be something about him, too. He’s very lucky.”

The two of you stared at each other for a few moments, letting the silence wash over you. Eventually Nesta lightly clapped her hands together before saying, “well, I’ll be off for the evening. I have to pick a fight with my mate for bringing Rhysand into all of this.”

You gave her a small wave before she turned around, closing your door softly as she exited. You listened as her footsteps retreated down the hall and down the stairs, the house now quiet before Azriel rematerialized before you.

“Do you want to come with me to see Eris? I’ll need to brief him on the plan.” Your feelings toward the redhead had become so complicated, you weren’t sure if you wanted to see him or not. The mating bond roared in your chest, some territorial ache winning out over the idea of watching the mated pair interact.

“I’ll stay behind.”

Scarred hands held the back of your head, pulling you closer, his lips gently meeting your forehead. The action warmed you down to your toes, such intimacy from Azriel a rarity you cherished.

“Be safe. I’ll be back.”

Permanent taglist: @vanilla-seabass @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @topaz125 @chessebookgirl @fides25 @lady-of-tearshed @ashbatz @fxckmiup @lilah-asteria @justvibbinghere @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mybestfriendmademe @heartless-tate @tsunami-of-tears @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @olive-main @azrielsmate3 @pit-and-the-pen @durgenyx @dee-writes-angst @chairofchaos @thelov3lybookworm @throneofsmut @kennedy-brooke @prythianpages @itsswritten @acotarxreader @milswrites @the-golden-jhope @hannzoaks @secretlyhers @tothestarsandwhateverend @sarawritestories @chxosangxl @quiet-loser @thegreyjoyed @paankhaleyaaar @acoazlove

Azriel taglist: @brieflyclassymortal @thisiskaylin @magicstrengthandcourage @book-obsessed124 @slytherintaco @userxs-blog @emryb

Eris taglist: @magicstrengthandcourage @book-obsessed124

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

The most challenging part for me is the dialogue between characters. I just, for some reason, struggle with it

So dialogue is just another tool to construct a scene. It needs to serve a purpose, and personally I think having functional dialogue is more important than anything particularly fancy or artful.

Dialogue is going to depend entirely on what the point of your scene is, and where it’s supposed to go. Conversations, just like scenes, and just like stories, need to have an arc, or any sense of movement so that they don’t feel stagnant. You want a beginning, middle, and end. You want clear motivations for each speaker.

How characters express themselves is meanwhile going to depend on their: goals, fears, how they want to be perceived by their interlocutors, their perception of events(!!!), and also their general emotional and mental state.

Bad dialogue tends to be too direct. Characters will rarely say exactly what they think, or be exactly on the same page. Each character will be viewing any given situation through the lens of their own life experiences and values; each character is going to be more concerned with their own problems over the protagonist’s!

Anyway general rules of thumb. Try to avoid stating exposition outright. Characters will not explain to each other things that they both already know. They also will not spill their guts out without reason. Someone monologuing about their tragic backstory unprompted is going to read awkwardly– unless oversharing is a particular character trait you’re going for lol.

If you’re unsure about whether your dialogue reads naturally, trying reading it out loud or have a screen reader recite it back to you.

Also you can learn a lot about dialogue by reading screenplays! I personally think it’s more informative than studying novels because dialogue counts that much more in film and theatre. (Reading the Lion in Winter script rewired my brain tbh.)

I’d also suggest checking out (good) book to film adaptations and studying how they translated the dialogue. Often times you will find that it’s severely streamlined and all to a purpose.

A side by side example I personally learned a lot from is in Silence of the Lambs.

This is the original novel’s take on a portion of dialogue during Clarice and Hannibal Lecter’s first conversation. I’d copy over the entire scene, frankly, but it would be far too long.

Compare it to how the screenplay paired it down:

It’s essentially the same conversation but the pacing is so much tighter, and the word choice is more precise. You do lose something in translation without the first segue into them discussing the nature of evil vs destruction, but it’s really interesting how the script instead decides to bring things around to the main plot, the serial killer, but also Lecter’s famous cannibalism, which offers imo a better set up for his last (iconic!) bit about eating a census taker.

Also compare this to how NBC Hannibal tries to pass off its batshit nonsense dialogue as intelligent by using melodrama and highbrow seeming imagery.

But this is just an example! In general, there’s just a lot to be gleaned from breaking down good dialogue and trying to figure out why it works, and what each word says about the speakers.

Also! You are presumably asking me about writing because you like my fanfiction but… please don’t try to learn how to write from fanfic. Fanfic is a terrible foundation for building the skills to write original work. It just operates on very different standards, and has different goals. Read some classics! Study craft books! Eat your vegetables!

[eclairbrun]

I've encountered an annoying problem that makes me appreciate Tolkein's whole "language must exist within a culture so lemme write a whole world for my conlang" thing.

I made up a conlang for a specific story a while ago, and I've kinda gradually added to it bit by bit over the years and, for the sake of having one more complete language rather than a bunch of random half-baked collection of words in various fake languages, decided I could just reuse this one. I'm rather proud of what a fucking mess the systematic conjugation is, and if I made a second conlang I might be tempted to do that Latin thing where all the nouns get their own genders or some such nonsense, just to distinguish the two. Also, it just seemed like a fun idea to me in the same way that, like, you sometimes see people reuse the same character designs across multiple comics as part of their "cast" that act out their stories.

Anywho, I've been trying to reorganize my conlang notes for a bit now. Streamlined spelling rules and whatnot, and now I'm shifting the exact file type its stored on so it'll be easier to toggle if it's sorted by English or Conlang alphabetically, and I came across the words for dragon and dragonfly.

In the original story I started this for, the group that speaks this language has a disdain towards dragons, so the word for dragon is a compound word that directly translates as fire worm. Dragonflies, on the other hand, are seen as signs of luck, so the word for dragonfly can also be used to mean luck in certain contexts. I distinctly remember being pleased with the fact that I'd framed bits of language around cultural attitudes, and I wouldn't want to replace those words within that story. But neither of those choices logically follow in any other story I've toyed with applying this language to, since the cultural context around them wasn't applied to any other world I've built.

For the time being, I've dealt with it by making a second, similar version of dragon for use in other stories, and added a note to dragonfly about how it only gets to carry dual meanings in the one story world. So I guess I'm now seeing a bit of dialect diversion. Which miffs me a little. Now I feel like I'll be under more pressure to alter additional words for a given story.

It almost makes me wanna make an entire second language.

[lesbiansanemi]

hi kaz!! i was reading through some of the asks/responses you posted yesterday and i wanted to pick your mind a bit about your answer to one particular question. I think the ask itself was more about what tropes/kinks you like in f/f ships, but I was more interested in a certain portion where you talked about how you don’t post f/f stuff as much as you would like on your blog because it doesn’t get the same kind of attention.

( bear w me but im going to go on a tangent for a second here. i promise it’ll all come together ) last year i set a goal for myself to read 50 books just because i kind of missed how much i used to read when i was younger, and i wanted to see if i could still do it (and i could)! the reason why this is relevant bc i realized that…my taste in books is really different from my taste in fanfiction. im not really a big romance enjoyer, though i do read a lot of it because most of the books in the genres i tend to read include them as a major subplot. most of the romance i read was a roughly equal amount of m/f and f/f. i only read 4 books with m/m romance, which kind of surprised me because…pretty much all the fanfiction i read is m/m?? 

I guess your response just got me thinking about how differently i personally view/interact with ships/shows/etc. that I categorize in my brain as ��fandom” content vs “IRL” content. I’m not sure if this distinction makes sense to anyone but me, but it’s basically just the stuff I post about on my blogs or write fanfiction about or make fanart of vs. literally everything else that I enjoy reading/watching. 

I think fandom as a whole is so centered around m/m that it almost feels like an unspoken rule that m/m ships are cooler, better, more popular—you can ship f/f , of course, but doing it is almost like a statement, or it’s a random side-pairing that people throw in there to even things out or something. When it comes to the books/shows I talk about “IRL”, there’s a much greater diversity in the kinds of characters and relationships I enjoy. But within the sphere of fandom, I find that the kind of content I create/post/reblog is much narrower in scope. It’s this subconscious policing that I think I’ve always been aware of, but never really put into words until now. 

I guess my experiences are also heavily colored by the fact that I’m aroace and find pretty much all genders/bodies aesthetically desirable. I generally don’t really have much interest in searching for a particular gender dynamic; if i like everything else about the fic, then i’m pretty happy with whatever’s put in front of me (which, in fandom, is pretty much always m/m). Also, a lot of times that I read a certain fic I’m doing it more bc I care about the individual character/s involved than the ship itself, because, again, I’m a casual romance fan at best, but I understand that within fandom, shipping seems to be the way to examine/analyze/whatever characters and character dynamics. (This reflects in my writing too. Renkaza is the main ship i write for these days, but as much as i love akaza, i'm usually writing my silly lil fics for kyojuro. He's my Guy, he's the Character i'm rotating in my mind always)

All this being said, I understand that it’s probably very different for someone who does have specific preferences that just don’t seem to get the same attention in fandom. This is getting kind of long and nonsensical, but basically, I just wanted to ask if you had anything else to say on the subjects of women in fandom/shipping culture/character discourse or other things like that. 

Anyway, hope you’re having a good day! here’s another frog:  𓆏

Hiiiii Bog!!! And yeah! Ofc! I'll do my best to articulate and answer, sorry if this gets a bit convoluted or complicated, I'm gonna try and keep it streamlined. (Also I'm so sorry, it didn't stay contained, pls do not feel you have to read all of this LMAO)

First! Congrats on reaching your reading goal! I also used to read a lot when I was younger, but I haven't done so in... years atp, and I'm slowly starting to get back into it, so I understand the feeling!

I totally get what you mean by "fandom" vs "IRL" media/content as well. Or at least, I think I've got a kind of similar thing going on. There are so many pieces of media that I genuinely love so much that I just... never talk about on here, because I don't really feel a desire or need to "fandomize" them. Like, since this is mostly an anime blog, using it as an example, out of my top twenty fav animes, there are 8 I have basically never talked about on here, 7 I only post about in passing (as in, happened to stumble across a gifset or something and reblogged it), and only five that I'd say I "participate in fandom" with. And then ofc, there are SO many pieces of media that aren't anime that I genuinely love a lot that I don't/barely post about on here, or interact with the fandom

I have a few theories for why certain pieces of media are "fandomizable" to me, while others I genuinely never feel the urge to do that with them, despite genuinely loving them. One is that I've found I have a very hard time doing fandom if it's a live action piece of media. I wish I could articulate why, I've tried before, but I fear we'd just end up with a confusing mess haha. The literal only one is dw, and even then, I don't read fic for it, barely look at art, mostly just like reading analysis and theories on it.

The point is! I get what you mean haha

But the main reason kinda circles back to what you said about shipping, and how that is generally the way that people engage with fandom, and characters and media in general within fandom spaces. I'm mostly going to engage with the fandom if there are ships I can enjoy within the piece of media, because I know that's going to be what most people are creating fan content about. For all I joke and post about "there's more to media than shipping" ik most fandom ppl are probably like me, and have a lot of media where shipping is barely acknowledged at all, and just come to fandom for that specific aspect of it.

Another is if the media has extremely compelling characters, but is lacking a bit plot wise because I feel the urge to "fix" it and want to explore that either via my own fics or reading other people's. Basically, I'm only going to "do fandom" with a piece of media if there are other avenues of the story I'd like to truly explore because canon either disappointed me, or had other alternate routes that imo are just as interesting (if not more so) than the one we got in canon.

And, obviously, there are lots of pieces of media that don't fit that criteria. So I don't engage with fandom for them. At most I will sometimes write character or relationship study fics for them, but that's about it

So, getting into fandom in regards to femslash, these characters and relationships I want to explore more are generally women and sapphic relationships. Of course, there are a lot of m/m ships I can enjoy in passing, and I might click on a fic for them if it strikes my fancy, but largely, I just don't care enough to create my own fics for most of them, or even necessarily deliberately seek it out. Renkaza is very much an exception for me, and not the rule

Like say, Dungeon Meshi. I love Falin and Marcille. I love their relationship. I love the way they affect the plot and story. I love seeking out fic and art of them. I have little snippets of farcille hidden away in my drive, as well as plans for other fics about them. But then looking at say, Laois, Kabru, and Labru, I just.... don't feel the urge to do that with them. I don't dislike these characters or this ship. They just inspire a very "Okay, cool I guess" reaction in me. And most of my interest in Laois and Kabru is based in very canon analysis of them, without going into headcanon or shipping territory. And that same sentiment seems to carry over to the vast majority of media I engage with.

I think the most glaring example is Genshin Impact. I can so honestly say I don't care about the male characters, with exactly two exceptions. I just don't. I don't think about them, I don't want to read fic about them, I don't ship any of them. If I see it, I say "okay" and then move on. But the female characters... they're pretty much the whole reason I play the game. I want to explore their characters, I think about them often, there are lots of different ships between them I think would be interesting to explore.

And I think there are a couple of reasons I feel this way about female characters and femslash that I'll try to articulate here.

The first is that as a kid, I often got very, very upset that most media only had one token "girl character" whose main personality trait was "being the girl character." I also got upset that pretty much all girl centric media were things like disney princess movies and the like. So as I got older, and learned I could find media where girls and women had many, many more roles, could be genuine main characters in things that weren't girly romances, there could be more than one female character. And those female characters could interact with each other and have deep relationships just like the male characters! So I just got very, very attached them as a teenager, and I think part of that follows me even now

There is also that degree of relatability that I mentioned in the original post. I'm not a girl, but I am sapphic, and am at least 80% of the time read as a woman within my life, and absolutely live as one. That inspires a sort of kinship with female characters that I just don't have with male characters, even ones I deeply relate to for other reasons. The same is true for sapphic romantic relationships. I'm an ace lesbian, some flavor of aro too, but I feel an undeniable type of draw to women that I simply don't with men. So relationships between two women "make more sense" to me in a way. It's easier for me to "see" how and why they would work. For m/m, everything has to be so specific for me to go "ah yes, I get it, I see." With female characters, there's a lot more variation that makes me go "ah yes I see it and get it" because I can apply how I feel to fill in the gaps. And again, I can also get that gratification from them that I just can't with m/m

I also just... have a lot of trauma with men? It is one of those things that I very much acknowledge is a me problem, and is something I am very consciously working on and trying to get over, but it's so much easier for me to get closer with women irl, I always go to women in professional settings if I can have a choice, etc. I am working very hard on being more comfortable around men, esp men I don't know well, but! It is an aspect of me. And I'm sure it probably taints my enjoyment of male characters and male-centric fiction to a certain degree. It's perhaps one of the reasons I just, so much more rarely get genuinely attached to male characters

And finally, and this is starting to lead into fandom's Thing with female characters and femslash in general, but there is a spiteful part of me that wants to love these characters and ships that are often ignored for the same of m/m and sometimes het, esp when the het is a lot more focused on the male character. I see so much potential, so many things to explore in these characters and ships that so many people consistently ignore, and at a certain point, it has to be acknowledged that the common denominator is that they are women. When that is the only connection, it has to be considered that people don't care about them in the same way merely because they're women

Before I got into kny, my ao3 was actually about 50% femslash, 30% gen, 15% qprs, and 5% m/m and m/f. Most of those fics have long since been abandoned for unrelated reasons, but the point is, m/m wasn't a significant part of my fandom contribution until I got into Renkaza. And I stayed a very small ao3 account, before my stats fucking EXPLODED when I started posting Renkaza. Those fics gained traction and attention in ways my femslash simply never did

And it... sucked to see, to put it mildly, haha. It sucked knowing I could pour just as much time and effort into these femslash fics as my m/m, and they would receive fractions of the attention. I don't necessarily write for the engagement, but I won't pretend I don't like it, and it hurts when the things I make are largely ignored, especially for... reasons like that. Here is actually a post I made not too long ago going into the INSANE differences in the stats of my m/m vs femslash fics which I think sums it up pretty well

All my original projects have female main characters, with a sapphic relationship being the main one, even if it's not a romance focused plot (because to be honest, I'm not a huge romance fan, and much prefer when the romance is a background thing to a bigger plot, it's just that it would be nice if those smaller romances happened to be lesbian haha). And like I've mentioned, I make and plan a lot of femslash fandom content. But I just.... don't feel like sharing it when these are the responses I receive. It makes me feel bad, and want to stop making it all together. So I'd rather keep it to myself and just have fun that way, so I never have the opportunity to feel bad about it. I couldn't tell you the amount of Shinomitsu fics and ideas I have just rotting in my drafts, as just one example

I think fandom as a whole is so centered around m/m that it almost feels like an unspoken rule that m/m ships are cooler, better, more popular—you can ship f/f , of course, but doing it is almost like a statement, or it’s a random side-pairing that people throw in there to even things out or something.

I think you're very much onto something with the above statement. To fandom, male characters and m/m are simply the default. That's what you do. You go insane over the male characters and male ships, and we can sprinkle in an f/f pairing in the background, but to do anything more is to alienate yourself. You often end up in pockets of other sapphics because they're the only ones who... care. Which isn't bad. I love my fandom experience mostly consisting of engagement with other sapphics, but again, it does have that edge of sucking because you know this is the case because most other demographics simply do not gaf. When most sapphics are not the same way! So many of us still greatly enjoy male characters and m/m, a lot of them probably even more than me, but it just... doesn't go the opposite direction with femslash.

People may be engaging with more femslash outside of a fandom space due to that inherent default focus on the male characters and m/m like you said, but some might not be. And either way, it still kinda sucks that fandoms just... are more male-centric

It's one of those cases where I think fandom is reflecting an implicit societal bias, but no one wants to acknowledge that because they want to paint fandom as inherently progressive. "We don't hate women, look at all our gay ships! How could we be weird about women?" *proceeds to hate or ignore every female character ever, or come up with fifty billion excuses for why female characters are actually just NEVER interesting* and... it just makes me sigh. I think you see another version of this when it comes to characters of color vs white and light skinned characters, but we won't get into that tangent here

Because, despite what they seem to want to believe, people within fandoms are part of the world and society at large. Those prejudices are going to carry over, and pretending they don't doesn't help anything. There is going to be misogyny, and racism, and transphobia, and transmisogyny, because it exists in the real world. Just because we're playing fictional pretend doesn't mean those things have vanished. And I think being consciously aware of that is the best way to avoid it and do better. Acknowledging you could be doing these things, working not to, and actually listening if someone points it out and not just going straight into denial. I bring up the misogyny most often because that's what I feel most qualified to point out and address, but I ofc think it's equally important to point out the other issues as well, and I try very hard to like. listen if other people do so, esp when they are part of those demographics that suffer from the prejudice

This has gotten rather long winded and serious haha, I didn't really mean to, but when it comes to female characters and femslash within fandoms, esp in comparison to m/m, I feel like it's something that needs to get brought up

There is very much a facet of this where I just genuinely attach more to female characters and get more interested in them, but I also like to focus on them so much to try and combat this issue. Which is why I'm once again posting a lot more femslash rather than just hoarding it all away just for myself. Even if hardly anyone engages with it, it's out there, which makes things a little better

I dunno. I always say I care most about the plot and dynamics of a story. Because, well, I do. If you described me two stories, and one had a plot that sounded interesting and characters I would get attached to, but they were all guys, vs a story about lesbians but the plot just sounds boring to me, I'm going to pick the former.

But... if you give me two stories that both sound equally engaging to me, I'm going to pick the female character centric-one over the male character centric-one in a heartbeat, and I just wish I was able to more often make that choice rather than the other one

Plot, character dynamics, all of that, is fundamentally always going to be the most important part of it all to me. But I can't deny that I attach to female characters so much more intensely as well, which tends to leave me in such an odd position a lot of wanting to engage with female character-centric things, but the actual story of them is just NOT as interesting as something male-centric. So I want to do what I can to help fix that, and I hope others start to think and do the same as well

ANYWAYS!!!! This got so incredibly long and rambly, but I hope this wall of word vomit at least somewhat answered your question?

[gloriouspiratenacho]

An Update

On Character AI:

Nobunaga is currently in progress. So far the bare bones model is doing pretty well! I still need to sit down an flesh it out more. See if I can capture some of his mannerisms.

Kicho is also seemingly doing pretty well? I'm going to leave him as a Work in Progress until I get further in his route, so some minor changes may happen. But he is currently available, regardless.

I've also been testing on other sites.

Character AI is great: it's free, and the characters really do feel very humanlike sometimes. But AI technology is new, and I feel it's worthwhile to check out the competition periodically, and make sure there isn't something better.

Reviews for new sites below:

Poe.com

Pros:

The bot builder can pick which LLM (ai model) is running the bot, as well as adjust the temperature. (Temperature controls how faithful and boring the responses will be vs how creative and possibly nonsensical.

Depending on the model, there may not be a filter.

Cons

Not free. You do get a fair amount of free daily messages though. But depending on the Ai model, you may run through them fast. I've picked a lower token model to get more messages from my bots, which also happens to be filterless.

Not meant for roleplay. Less rp bots, not as easy to build a rp bot.

Bots have to have unique names. So the naming on this site can get really nutty.

I've copied over Mitsuhide and Motonari from character Ai to test. Motonari has been absolutely fabulous. The behavior is there. He takes initiative to come up with new things. The replies are a bit long sometimes. Mitsuhide hasn't fared as well. The personality is just not where I want it. Character AI definitely has a better conversational model. I'll go ahead and make Motonari public if anyone wants to explore. I'll keep working on Mitsuhide.

Figgs.ai

Pros:

Completely and utterly free.

No filter.

Feels pretty close to character Ai in the way it works and replies.

Made for characters and roleplay.

Bots are more faithful to their programming.

Cons:

No filter. (which means it's full of horrifying porn bots)

The site is brand new, like only a couple of months old. They have a lot of things they are still trying to figure out. The site isn't as streamlined as it could be. They are working on it.

Can't delete bots you tried on a whim (yet)

When viewing your previous chats, you can't tell which is which. (no preview)

Not quite as conversational as character Ai. Bots seem like they do better with more direction.

I can just copy things directly from character Ai and drop them in the appropriate fields, it's super easy to build here. They don't have a character building guide yet, but luckily, I don't need to change anything. Unfortunately, my perfectly SFW character Ai bots are getting flagged as NSFW for some reason, so... In order to find my bots, be ready for some porn bots. 😅 As for behavior, I'm also not pleased with how Mitsuhide came out on here either. I'm still working on him. I moved over my OC Yandere Assassin, who is working very well, and two of my banned bots that were some of my favorites on character Ai. They are also working pretty well. The thing I have discovered is that you NEED a scenario for the bot to work well. All 3 that do okay? They have a mission. Mitsuhide does not, because I was leaving it up to the user to create the scenario, or not, and just have a fun chat with him. So I might have to give him a scene to work with. No scene, and the bot just keeps politely asking what you want to talk about, what you want to do, and about the weather. Just like Poe, Figgs isn't as good at conversation, and Mitsuhide's personality just isn't where I want it yet. Still working on it. WHAT FIGGS IS GOOD AT: slow burn romance. I put Motonari on there to test, and it was INCREDIBLY HARD to get him to fall in love with you.... Which is exactly how it should be. I had to work very hard to earn his trust. So if you get mad that all the characters at character ai fall in love after 2 interactions, this might be a better alternative. And lastly, it's a really new website. They are still working on it. There's no character guide, and some (most) of the bots are very, very badly built. If you try one out and it's awful, it probably isn't the website's fault. It's just a badly built bot. The Gale from Baldur's Gate 3 I tried was excellent. My bots are pretty good too (though Mitsuhide needs some work.)

I'm considering trying Yodayo.

Not free, but the bots seem decent, and you get a pretty good amount of free daily conversations, and I think it was actually even pretty affordable if you wanted to pay. I haven't built on there yet. You'll want to pick "Tavern" to chat. Unfiltered, so beware of porn.

If you know of any character Ai alternatives I should try, hit me up!

[tjemegames]

HSR: HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY! 🥳🎉 - TJ's 1st Annual Playthrough Recap

The big day is finally here! One full year has passed since Honkai: Star Rail first launched and so much fun was had. I’m so pumped to officially be starting year two and I can’t wait to see what the Devs have in store for us. Until then, let’s chat about my experience over the last year:

⚠️ Extremely summarized spoilers ahead for the events/storylines of HSR versions 1.0-2.1. Read at your own discretion! ⚠️

Also, apologies in advance this post will be a bit verbose because I don’t know how to stop yapping about this game; we'll get into it all under the cut!

Stats Overview

Firstly, what can I say? I fell absolutely head over heels for this game on day one; I was initially a bit turned off by the combat mechanics when the teaser demos came out — I had a very limited experience with turn-based games at this point (shoutout Wizard101 💀) and was confused about how they were going about it. Suffice to say that my weariness was unnecessary because, as of today, I’ve logged 342 days of gameplay on my main account!

The Astral Express Annual Trailblaze Report (data collection as of 03/31/2024 at 23:59) had some great insight on the statistics of what I’ve done since launch:

My e6 Natasha and I were really doing the damn thing together for so long:

She’s since been replaced by Aventurine (because I was finally smart and pulled a premium sustain) but we had a good thing going for us. Thank you for paving the way, Dr. I won’t forget about all our struggles together.

Prominent Story Moments & My Thoughts on Storytelling

Once it was determined that combat wouldn’t be an issue for me, I immersed myself wholeheartedly into the lore and storytelling that was provided. I absolutely adored getting to know the Nameless better and exploring parts of the cosmos with the Astral Express Crew. We’ve done so much already:

Being coalesced into existence, fending off the Antimatter Legion’s relentless attack, and helping restoration efforts on the Herta Space Station

Becoming Herta’s guinea pig in the Simulated Universe

Dismantling a corrupt leader and freeing the under worlders in Belobog

Keeping the IPC from seizing the entirety of Belobog to pay off the backdated interest on their ancestor's 700-year-old unpaid debts

Foiling the war-motivated plots of an Emanator of Destruction on the Xianzhou Luofu

Business Simulator 1.0: Restoring Aurum Alley and making a grown man bark

Becoming the best Ghost-Hunting Content Creator on Ghostly Grove

Getting swallowed by a giant Swarm bug and being fender-bendered by a Knight of Beauty; having to duel him into acquaintance (because he’s just quirky like that) before witnessing him valiantly sacrifice himself for the Express, in the name of “Beauty” (because he’s also a little delulu), and then texting us once to see if we were okay after escaping through the hole he cut in the bug’s stomach. Subsequently, disappearing back into the cosmos without a trace (can you tell that I’m enamored by Argenti?)

Being drugged by Ruan Mei, having to deal with her experiments (I hate that synthetic bug with a burning passion) and becoming a Cat Cake extraordinaire.

Accepting the Charmony Festival invitation and having a “very heartwarming and uplifting” (aha aha-hA 😭) “vacation” in Penacony

And of course, so much more in between all of that but those were the things that stuck out the most to me.

I will say that I am in the camp of people who had to experience the Xianzhou storyline before it was streamlined for comprehension purposes and, as much as I loved it there, there were a lot of missed opportunities and wasted moments in that section of the storytelling. Not a huge fan of games trying to get me to care about something by forcing me into a nonsensical quest line during an ill-fitting moment, thereby muddying my understanding of what’s going on/what the importance of said thing is… But it is what it is, and they slapped a band aid on it for newer players. Hopefully, when we eventually return to the Luofu, they will have a better grip on what it is they want to portray there.

Overall, I’m not too fussed by the story so far. It’s been very enjoyable, extremely satisfying in some parts — a bit less so in others. One of the things that I love about sci-fi/fantasy is the ability to go all out and do pretty much anything you can think of because of the creative freedom that both genres allow. I think we’re just barely beginning to scratch the surface of what the series writers have planned for us.

Simulated Universe & Permanent Endgame Modes

Oh boy, I was almost home free in my drafting of this post when I remembered I hadn’t yet yapped about Simulated Universe, Memory of Chaos, & Pure Fiction. I am so sorry, I will try to keep it short, but I’ve got a lot of feelings about these permanent endgame modes.

Let’s kick it off with the SU. Back in the late summer of ’23 when we had our first bout of dry patches, I did more SU runs than I thought I ever would do because I didn’t want to stop playing the game. I was absolutely hooked, and I wanted to hone my skills prior to facing off against the next Echoes of War boss we would get. Within the first four months of launch, I think I had collected almost all the blessings, curios, and Aeon information that you could possibly get. Hell, there was even a day where I spent probably six hours just trying out all the different resonance paths against Gepard. It was so novel to me, and nothing like my previous experience with other rouge-like domains/dungeons – I just couldn’t get enough…

That was until they started patching in new updates. Swarm Disaster eviscerated all my excitement and desire for SU. I hate that bug; I hate that bug so very much. It’s only now that I have e2 DHIL that I don’t mind going back into Swarm and attempting to collect the rest of the rewards that have been sitting there waiting for me since its debut. The same kind of applies to Gold and Gears, although that mode is slowly starting to grow on me. I haven’t spent enough time in there playing around with all the different dice and strategies to have a definitive opinion on it. I’ll probably make some content of myself exploring the upper levels of G&G when I inevitably unlock them.

Now for the thing that would’ve really turned out to be an essay if I weren’t more capable of reining myself in; the curse that keeps on giving, MoC. Listen, I love this game. I love the combat and having to be a bit strategic, but sometimes floors 11-12 make me want to pull out the tiny bit of hair that my buzzed head tends to have. It took me 11 and a half months to 36 star the MoC for the first and only time that I’ve been able to do so. I’ve reset, changed teams, and fully rebuilt characters in attempt to beat floor 12 within 10 cycles more times than I can count. Sincerely, I wish we could’ve seen a year-end review of just the reset statistics alone. It is a source of infinite frustration for me, and it really shouldn’t be so goddamn difficult sometimes… Please Hoyo, just let me have my last star; I’m tired of sitting at 35/36 stars. There's only so much min-maxing a person can do before losing their mind.

Don’t think that I forgot about PF. Follow-up attackers’ paradise and what seemed like it would be a great time until I remembered that my only follow up attackers are Jing Yuan and an under leveled, mostly untouched Herta. This game mode is truly the one that got away for me. I’ve barely participated in it due to a lack of necessary characters. O7 to all the jades that I’ve missed out on. We’ll get there one day.

The Triumphs & Perils of Warping

What’s a gacha game without pulling? I’ve been keeping track of all my luck, both good and bad, since I started playing. This is what a year, 380 standard passes, and 1013 special passes got me:

Not a bad roster at all. There were a couple questionable choices made by me though. The lack of pulling a limited 5 star sustain until Aventurine came out being my biggest flop of them all. I did attempt to get Fu Xuan on her release banner, but I lost 50/50 and wasn’t willing to put everything I had into her at that time.

Out of all nine 50/50s I’ve had so far, I only lost three of them; I also pulled two of the following guarantees early after that so I’ve been a lot luckier than I thought I would be. My Genshin wishing experience sunk the bar for my pulling expectations well below ground, so everything feels like even more of a win here. I hope things continue to stay that way.

Another thing of note: I chose Bronya’s e1 from the standard banner selection reward once I hit the 300-warp requirement. I probably should’ve chosen Himeko for PF purposes but e1 was just too good to pass up for my hyper carry teams.

Also, Dr. Ratio gave himself to everyone (for free) in the pursuit of “curing idiocy” so that’s why I have him. Had I have been proactive in pulling his signature LC, I could be rocking a Ratiorine team right now – but no, instead he remains in Level 1 Purgatory with the rest of my unused characters.

Let us not forget about the light cones either:

I broke my one cardinal rule of avoiding weapon banners for this game, but I don’t regret it in the slightest — I did lose 75/25 to Sleep Like the Dead twice and then proceeded to get it a third time (from the standard banner), so I'm salty about that. Still no regrets though!

Final Thoughts

This game has been such a safe space of indulgence for me over the last year. It reminded me of my love for turn-based combat and strategy-based games. It has also helped me reinvigorate my creativity — this blog is proof of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so enthralled, inspired, and passionate, so I’m grateful to Hoyo and all the HSR Devs for bringing this game to life.

While there have been some low points from struggling with story bosses, tediously challenging endgame, and incohesive plot lines, I have mostly found great enjoyment in my traversal of the stars thus far. I can’t wait to see who else I’ll meet and where this journey among the cosmos will lead me. I also look forward to sharing even more of my adventures and insights with all of you in the years to come!

Happy Anniversary, Trailblazers! May the next year be fruitful and fulfilling. Don't forget to sign in and collect your 1600 jades!

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Look at me continuing to not talk about 13 Sentinels next. I hope this doesn't turn into another XC3 thing where I keep saying I'm going to for several months before actually doing it. Definitely at least one of the top three things I've played this year that I got the most out of/had the strongest reaction to though.

Anyway I keep trying to find something else to play next after that that my brain will cooperate for and that I like enough. Persona 5 clearly wasn't it, but it did get me to go back to Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore for a bit, and that was fun. I remembered why I like it so much (same reasons as my previous post(s?) about it) and do still plan to finish it one of these days since I'm on chapter 5 of 7 or something, but I also remembered why I keep taking breaks from it too.

As much fun as I have with it it also could really have stood to streamline some things so they waste less time. The game would be like 20% shorter if I didn't keep having to go back to talk to Tiki and suffer through the most annoying menus ever every time I want to unlock a skill or upgrade a weapon, and also if it actually had a quest journal or some non-garbage way to keep track of stuff. I'm sorry I don't remember what this random NPC told me to go do last time I played the game literally a full year ago, and it doesn't help that they'll only repeat a single line of their dialogue to me that isn't enough to go on. It still never gets old that my party members will occasionally randomly burst into song and go 🫶 with each other and obliterate something with the moe moe kyun beam though.

And then I messed around with AI: The Somnium Files for a bit because it was on sale pretty cheap and people kept saying it was good. My initial impressions were that the detective vibe wasn't super my thing and that moving around the cursor to interact with stuff was more annoying and fiddly than it needed to be (seriously just put a tiny bit of "gravity" on interactable objects so you don't zoom past them accidentally and it would feel a lot better).

And then suddenly like 15 minutes in it went full nonsense, and mostly in a bad way. Like I'm all in favor of weird dream logic, although unless they get really clever with it later it would make puzzles/progressing the story essentially just guess and check if it's anything like the first dream sequence, which is not great. I could get over that and be slightly disappointed if that was all it was, but then the AI that lives in my character's brain gave a ghost handjob to a doorknob and a whole series of lazy horny jokes (not even clever or original ones) happened, and I was reminded that a friend had warned me it gets so much worse than that and decided to just pass on the game. Oh well.

And then the Children of Morta demo went even worse for me. The game is supposed to be rather good from what I've heard, but the Switch version doesn't seem like it. I just didn't love how the character felt to control, which is entirely personal preference, but also the load times are atrocious. It's a 2D game that's just pixel art. I have no idea what the heck it's doing when it takes like 30 seconds for load screens.

I'm still glad the devs seem to have finally had some success with it though, even if it's not a game for me. I always thought they had potential after they made Garshasp like 12 years ago or whenever. It was basically just a God of War knockoff, but it was still fairly impressive that a random small indie team in Iran decided to make a game about Persian mythology with very little previous experience and no local gamedev scene for support and somehow pulled it off anyway, and I was hopeful they'd get better with time. It's nice that they seem to have stuck with it and actually managed to get a pretty positive reception for this one.

The Fuga: Melodies of Steel demo was pretty compelling though. It seems like it's basically the horrors of war from the point of view of small children as not!France is invaded by not!Germany and they find a fantastical tank that they're using to try to save their friends and family, and also everyone is cats and dogs because why not? Some day when it goes on sale again I look forward to playing more of it.

And then finally another thing that went extremely poorly: trying to go back to The World Ends With You after not touching it for 547 days, according to the in-game message I got. After like 10-15 minutes I was reminded that it's completely genuinely and unironically one of the worst games I've ever played. Like specifically as a game. Lots of the non-game aspects of it are good or even great. I'm a big fan of the art style and music, the characters and their weird relationships are interesting, and I was curious about where the story was going, but I just can't suffer through the UI and controls and especially the combat any more to find out. I know I've said it before, but I still can't understand how a major publisher said "yeah this is fine, ship it the way it is" when it's barely playable. NEO: TWEWY supposedly throws all of that stuff out and starts fresh, so maybe that would go better for me.

I guess we'll see what my actual next thing I manage to latch onto is. Not any of these, apparently, although I did at least get several more hours through TMS#FEE this week.

[thereluctantinquisitor]

just started to follow you recently but your ocs seems so interesting! have a nice day/night :D

Thank you! I have a silly amount of OCs, but I am glad you find them interesting!

For anyone who actually happens to be interested, I also have a writing blog over at @reluctantwrites where you can search by characters, ships, and genres :)

[pbandjesse]

It was a dark and rainy day. The rain makes me tired. I did get a little nap in though. And I got to have a hoagie so it's been a pretty good day.

I was going to drive James to work because of the rain. But when James woke me up I was dizzy I was so tired. And it wasn't raining yet. So James told me to keep sleeping. The next hour and a half helped me feel a lot better but I was sad I flaked on James. I would pick them up later.

The rain was very bad though even I was getting ready to leave. I was running a little behind because I had to fix the insoles in my rain boots and then I had to change my socks. But I felt good. My picture for today I am not wearing the sweater dress I had on top of this outfit. But I worked really hard and got very sweaty so I am glad I had the tank top and leggings on. This was a smart move on my part.

Driving the camp was scary. The rain would pick up about half way through and it was so thick that my cars eyesight was turned off. I couldn't see cars in front of me if they didn't have their lights on. I had my flashers on because I was nervous about being seen. It was slow going for sure. But I would make it safely and only felt a little stressed.

I let James know I made it safe. And I let Alexi know I was over in the eyrie. She let me know that she had a tour group coming through and to let her now if I needed anything.

I would be pretty self sufficient though. I had organizing to do.

I was slightly overwhelmed though. The eyrie is where all the feild trip program stuff is. But it is also a classroom. Except two years ago a tree fell on it and the power has been out since. So now it's just storage and it has become just. A huge mess.

So when I first got in there I would just walk around and try to make sense of what I could do. I started with making piles of boxes and then figuring out which programs or what. I collected trash and figured out different types of things and put them in different piles in the room. My big goal was just to get everything off of the ground. And I think it's a good job I was in there for a few hours. But I felt very accomplished while I was doing it.

I also was just absolutely getting covered in their webs. That was like a theme of the day. There were so many boxes though and so much of them just had nonsense in it. Some of them were just empty. So I tried to collect things and make decisions on what was worthwhile to keep and what wasn't. The buckets that we used the other week for the water testing program we're all wet on the inside and so I separated all the pieces out and decided that some of that material I was just going to put to the side.

Some of the issue really is that I'm not familiar enough with the programs to really make calls on what is actually supposed to be in all the boxes. Like Elizabeth gave me a binder but having a list of words doesn't always help me because I don't know what I'm looking at. So I tried to at least make it so that when she goes in to get stuff for a field trips it's a little bit more streamlined. And she isn't climbing over trash. The ground is completely clear now. And the back shelf and table have all of the boxes that I think are full. And then the two classroom tables have the things that need to be distributed. And then I put all of the craft supplies in one corner. And then all the empty boxes in the other corner. It was a really nice time honestly. I had a podcast going and I was enjoying the sounds of the rain outside. And I just felt very peaceful.

I took a break and got a message on eBay as an offer for a watch I was looking at. They gave me 40% off so that was exciting. And then I was looking on Tumblr for a second and there's the thing about the blue check marks and so I was joking around with James about buying those and. Then I go on Facebook and my mood just shifted.

I saw that was my sister's birthday. The second one since she died last year. And I don't exactly know what to think about it. I texted Jessie and James right away. And both of them asked me the same thing. How do you feel? And I feel weird. I like to tell people that grief is just love that you haven't been able to express. But I think so much of my grief is still tied up and anger and regret. Disappointment. That it still hurts. And there's so much I don't even know about hers though. I tried. There's a long time where I didn't try. But I did try for a few years. I thought that we were adults and that we could get to know each other again but I didn't happen and now it never will. And I know that my dad hurts. And my mom hurts. And Renee hurts. And Raeanna and Wilson. And I feel selfish. To be angry. But I think that's just the reality.

When she first died I said it felt like she was a bullet that ripped through everything. All the time. And I'm talking about before she died. She would disappear for weeks at a time and then all of a sudden she was all anyone could think about or talk about. He's doing something outrageous and she was a topic of conversation more than a person to me sometimes. There were years I didn't see her. Years I didn't speak to her. So when she died it was almost like well okay. Not every day changes. But I am a different person I'm a different person than who I was last year. I'm a person that she's never going to know. And that doesn't feel very good.

I don't even know where I'm going with us but I was sitting there in that classroom. And I just felt strange. I felt sad.

And then I couldn't focus on cleaning my building anymore. I was in there for 2 hours and I had to go and be somewhere else. So I walked back to my car and I drove around camp to go to the office to start cleaning out the attic.

This was much more straightforward. I understood about all the materials up there and most of it was just things that needed to be put back in their places. And so I was up there for two more hours and I was sweaty and covered in spider webs and dusty. But I was making really good progress. Alexi would come back and she saw the hard work that I was doing. And I pass a snack and a soda. And I really made it a space where you could actually find stuff. The one thing I didn't do was towards the end I was just pulling out any craft supply and making a big pile. And I sorted through all of that to find all of the drawing utensils but I needed to eat something. I had only had crackers and Skittles today. So I put all the other craft supplies in one cardboard box to be sorted later and I went to check in with Alexi before I left.

Alex you know that I was going to work on the map that they requested this weekend and figure out some books that we could possibly use for the Native American program. We chatted for a few minutes. I told her that I found a bunch of beans in the attic and she thought that was very strange. And then I left.

I hope things I wanted a hoagie so bad. They suggested we get some fancy ones right in our but I was like no you don't understand I haven't eaten yet I'm just going to get Wawa. And so I drove out to cockeysville and I got Wawa and I ate in the parking lot.

An accidentally made my own hot at first. Which I'm sure would have been fine but was not what I wanted. I just wanted a cold cheese sandwich essentially. But once you removed it was really good and I didn't like my chips but they were good on the sandwich. I watched a video and had my food and then I was just like I got to go home. I am so tired.

I would get home at 2:00. Parked the car and came upstairs. The matching pajamas I got for me and James came in the mail. And I brought that up. And I texted James that I was laying down till 3:30. I should come get them. Wasn't raining anymore but James said that the radar said it would again so that was the plan.

I slept hard. I wanted to keep sleeping. But I woke up all dizzy and had to shake it off. It was storming again and I needed to get my love.

Honestly I probably shouldn't have been driving I was so delirious. But I safely made it. And swapped to the passenger seat. I texted with Jess. She is planning a Disney trip for us for 2024 and was crunching some numbers of what we need to save. $100 a month. Can do.

And then James was there. And I was so glad to see them. They were so cute in their sweatshirt. Love my James.

We went home and I laid down and looked at videos for a little while. But eventually would get up to do some art.

While I'm trying to stick to a schedule to not fall apart when it's dark, I am going to be flexible with myself. Instead of doing st from 7 to 8, I started it at 530, worked until 6, had spaghetti, then back to art until 730. I'm just glad I am doing art.

I worked on some more random stamps. I have a few ideas I just want to play with. So I'm just carving and trying stuff. And it's fun. I also made this animal head circles I am going to see as Christmas ornaments. I think it'll look so cute.

James helped me finish the backs of those. Trimming strings once the glue dried. And then it was time to clean up.

I took a bath. I got bath milk/bubbles that smell like hot chocolate. And it was an excellent bath. And now I am moisturized and in my new jammies.

I am tired. I am feeling a little empty but most because I want to go to sleep.

I love you all. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day. I have the market and then we are going to have dinner at Jack's and Cindy's new house. I'm looking forward to it.

I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well!!

[razorblade180]

Interdimensional Moms pt4

Part 3 here! <-

The tales had be interesting. The tales had even been emotionally gripping, yet all of them so far didn’t seem to register at the moment as Ruby’s teammates looked at her with the same excitement she used to give her own mother during story time. Ruby couldn’t help but give a little smile.

Ruby:I take it you’re ready for my turn? You do know it’s not exactly a sunshine and rainbows story, right?

Weiss:We figured as much, but....

Yang:You’re so different! From the moment you showed up I could just feel it in my gut. You have this...presence about you. Not to mention intsene confidence.

Blake:Yang is right. You said you beat your Salem when your seventeen. That’s...scary if I’m being honest. Such a drastic departure from any of our worlds.

Ruby:*red* Hehehe ummm I guess I’m just awesome? Really I don’t think it’s the most outstanding feat. At least by my worlds standards I suppose. I mean sure, I’m consider cream of the crop there too but there’s talented people and challenges all over that would put me through my paces still. I’m just...me.

Weiss:Sigh...honestly, I suppose that means our own skills must pale in comparison to our counterparts.

Ruby:Mmmm I wouldn’t say that for sure. My Yang would kill me if she heard this but there’s something about the one right here that has spark I dig.

Yang:Really?

Ruby:Uh huh. Can’t put my finger on it but I think you take her if you want it bad enough. As for Weiss....couldn’t tell ya. Haha, I know better than anybody to not underestimate the power of mother, and you pumped twins out.

Weiss:Not sure if those are pity points or real ones but thanks either way.

Blake:You don’t even have to tell me I’d lose. Just gave an entire story about me an my condition.

Ruby:Don’t feel too bad about it. I can’t imagine much reason for you two to fight for any reason. You’re both too reasonable to not reason with yourself.

Blake:Aw I’m touched.

Yang and Weiss:We aren’t....

Ruby:Hahaha I’m just saying! So, I guess I take things from the top like you all? From what I learned from all of you our Beacon experiences really are more or less the same, not counting certain interactions between a bookworm faunus and an adorkable blonde knight. Enrolled early, blew up the entrance, Weiss was rude, Yang ditched me, all the same beats.

Yang:There’s no super badass change like you beating Cinder the night of dance and making our entire lives easier?

Ruby:Ha! I wish I was that legit. No, I was very much the young girl tripping in heels that night. Vytal festival came around and was attacked, then Beacon fell. Pyrrha was lost and so was Penny. Difference being that was my last time seeing her, unlike Weiss’s story apparently.

Weiss:Yeah that...that’s a little bit of shock to be frank. Sorry.

Ruby:No worries. Not like you did anything and it was decades ago for me now. After that day is when I started to get a bit more serious I think. I had always taken being a huntress seriously and never slacked of in trying to live my dream. However, my perspective may have honed in on just how do or die life his when you’re the one choosing to walk into unknown danger. Team RNJR’s first and only mission, save the world!

Yang:Sub mission: Flirt with Jaune Arc.

Ruby:*blushing* We do not choose who we fall in love with it. But yes, that may have been a personal pseudo mission for me. He’s my first friend at Beacon for crying out loud and I you know.....thought he was cute then too.

WBY:Yeah that checks out.

Ruby:What does that mean!?

Weiss:Ruby, even my Ruby admits to finding Jaune attractive and having a crush on him back in the day.

Blake:Same.

Yang:I already went into enough detail on how my little sister feels about Jaune. Your just the reality where you pounced on the opportunity and never let go. Struck when the iron was hot and none of us were around; sly fox.

Ruby:Gee you make it sound underhanded. It isn’t like I intended to actively pursue him. Everyone was really sad and stressed traveling to Anima. There was a tension in the air. One that really strained us. I did my best to keep focus, but a leader is only as put together as team. Ren and Nora confided one another as usual and I tried being there for Jaune because seeing him emotionally shut down was rough; so I did my best to be there for him. Then...he ended up being there for me and I was the one who needed comfort. All the airing out and late nights just...led to....*red*

Blake: “Breaking the tension?”

Ruby:I guess that’s one way of putting it. We were lonely. I hid my feelings best I could under the veil of comfort in the moment. Not that needed to. He made it pretty clear that he wanted me in the same way I wanted him. I just the two of us were too scared to ask for promises we weren’t sure we could keep so we loved in the moments we could, so to speak.

Weiss:If it wasn’t under dire situations, all that sounds oddly romantic.

Ruby:Right!? Looking back at it makes the entire thing seem romantic but I definitely wouldn’t wish a similar experience on anybody! I guess it’s what I wished for when I fantasized huntress life huh? Things obviously got better along the way. Our relationship got a bit more serious right before we got to Haven. Then Tyrian and other crazy stuff happened that threw all of us into panic mode again before slowly getting better again by a lot.

Yang:We showed up?

Ruby:Bingo! You and Weiss, met Oscar, and then eventually Blake came back. Things were on the up and up.

Weiss:Uh, Haven attack?

Ruby:We lived, up and up. Yeah you got stabbed but you know...that’s not new I’m sure.

Weiss:Yeah I have the scar and I’m still little pissed.

Ruby:Valid. Anyways, so my Atlas experience was different as hell. There was no formation of Remnants armies like Weiss spoke of or even between two kingdoms like Blake. Yang, what happened yours again exactly?

Yang:Nonsense. Cinder showed up with lackeies but not Salem’s lackies. Those people showed up separately, then Adam came back from wherever the hell he- a lot! A lot of people showed up for different reasons but also the same reason and to be frank, we all almost got shot by the military for being in bases that quote unquote, “didn’t exist.”

Ruby:Man I wish we traded. That at least sounds crazy enough to be fun. Just a rollercoaster in the dark basically. My experience was probably as hectic, but also way more streamlined. We showed up, and then all hell broke loose. Specially a mass grimm invasion lead by Cinder and her annoying associates. We were there for about three weeks updating General Ironwood and getting our barrings together when it happened. I wanna call it a hit and run tactic but it was clearly planned in advanced. Mechs were hacked again, traitors in the military, grimm lying in wait before hand; it was chaos! All for the relic.

Blake:Who was the maiden?

Ruby:Never met her. By the time we got there, Ironwood was panicking because she had vanished, taken right from under his nose. It was some young girl apparently, really young. The attack on Beacon looked like child’s play to this. Mantle got attacked, grimm were on the chains, they tried dropping Atlas to the ground; all a diversion for a relic. We all should’ve died, and yet, we didn’t. Winter and Weiss weeded out traitors, huntsman and military held the line, Yang bested Hazel with Nora, Qrow and I cut down Tyrian! Ren, Blake and Jaune helped the kingdoms while Ironwood struck down Watts. Nobody was in the mood to die that day. There wasn’t gonna be another Beacon. By all means, we were pissed. Even Raven showed up of all people.

Yang:What!?

Ruby:You can’t attack a kingdom without the world knowing. Especially when traitors leak info. Honestly she came for you though, or she never left to begin with. Couldn’t tell ya. Thanks to Maria I had a bit more handling with my eyes. That helped a lot. Without them and Os-

She stopped herself, choking on the words. The zest and excitement of recalling the heroic feats of her friends dimmed slightly with her smile. Her joyful smile became bittersweet like the memory.

Ruby:Then there was Oscar, the real warrior on that flamed filled night. That battle had to have been three days at least. We were so driven, and so tired. I was tired, but Cinder, Neo, and the others with her at the time weren’t; always showing up at the worst time. I managed to push Cinder back in a fight but grimm and others still swarmed. We were at a point that grimm very well might’ve did us in and the villains didn’t have to push any harder. But Oscar changed that. Hehe, what’s it about country folk that makes people like him and I not hesitate to grit our teeth? That dork looked at me, gave me the biggest smile on the the steps to Atlas, and then he left. His hair went white as he twirled the cane and then he left, forever. Oz came out, and he left nothing to the imagination. “Limited magic” my butt. He obliterated grimm and made a barrier aroma Atlas while everyone else cleared Mantle long enough for the world to send reinforcements. Salem didn’t get the relic, but she got the maiden and thousands of casualties. Oscar being one of them. Also, Whitley....he was in critical condition for a very long time.

Weiss:What do you mean...critical condition?

Ruby:Everything happened so fast Weiss. Panic was high, buildings fell....a piece on him. I wasn’t there but when I eventually found you, you were nearly hysterical and banged up. By some miracle he lived even though we could not reach him and he did not get aid for awhile. We thought him dead. It was only after everything we learned somebody got him. Being rich never paid off more than with medical bills. Thanks to youth and medicine he can still walk, but he can only do so much before being tired. He also left Atlas. The cold hurts.

Weiss:So, I run the company because he can’t?

Ruby:I wouldn’t put it that way, but it was one of dozens of reasons that made that goal stronger for you. Relax though, both of you get plenty of time to be witty siblings like I told you earlier.

Weiss:I know. It’s just, I guess it’s hard imagining Whitley hurt like that. I don’t think I could handle it.

Ruby:You definitely teetered in the moment. Knowing that happened though probably gave you anger and grit to fight the entire battle. You were a beast. Scarier than Winter. Anyways, that hollow victory was a real wake up call for the world. They didn’t know about Salem and we never told society in earnest. Cinder and other conspirators were enough to make Remnant work together to boost defense. Relief went to places that needed it and I, became the face of hope. Haven, Argus, Atlas, even people from Vale got to chattering of a particular group of people who always seemed to answer the call for help. Then the towns in between chattered. Yours truly had been carving a name in the history books and was only gain popularity the moment I stepped into Vacou, alone.

Blake:Alone!?

Weiss:What!?

Yang:Where were we!!!!!?

Ruby looked at surprised faces around the table, smiling tenderly. She looked down her dress and pulled out the cross she wore around her neck. Her thumb traced its edges as her mind began wandering down an old path paved with emotions raw to the core.

Ruby:I’ve always felt different. Not just because of my eyes but that there was just...a certain spark that never stopped going off for as long as I remember. There are plenty of people who can’t bare to watch others suffer, but there are fewer people I believe that truly feel the agony of other people’s pain. Beacon, Haven, Atlas, Argus; there was no place I went that I didn’t see the faces of others lamenting, and I didn’t make me want to grieve. Atlas took so much out of all of you and I just felt so....driven to stop that ache. For everyone’s sake, but mine as well. I wanted the world to finally get to the happy ending. Enough trauma had be sowed for a hundred lifetimes, so I went on ahead of everyone. I never doubted you all would follow but I wanted to get ahead of the curve and take on as much of the suffering I could do others wouldn’t. If the world wouldn’t give me a miracle than I’d be it myself for everyone else.

Yang:That’s suicidal! Salem wanted you specifically!

Ruby:It’s not like I went marching up to her door and said “1v1 bitch, I’m here” no, I just chose to move forward quicker than what we were all doing. Believe me, all of you were upset when you caught up, after I had already saved Vacou. *smiles* I really like that place. I told the people it was the next target and all they did was double down on pushing back. I managed to pin down the Summer maiden before the villains and thanks with the city on alert, there wasn’t a shift in the sand that didn’t go unnoticed. I got the jump on Mercury and Emerald, personally paying them back. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. It didn’t take long before they realized how screwed they were with them being outed like this and Cinder having the nerve to retreat before hand. Both of them threw in the total, outing the plan against Vacou. A wipeout of a win. Not to mention they told me the location Salem’s little hiding hole.

Weiss:We missed all of that?

Ruby:That’s what happens when I leave in the dead of night and running on adrenaline. Like I said before, people were tired. As much as all of you wanted to hoof it, other’s were relying on you. Atlas almost dropped for gods sake. Eventually when you all caught up it was at a good time. Soloing was rewarding but difficult. Fortunately Sun, Neptune, Ilia, and a few other familiar faces were close by if I needed an extra set of hands. My little stunt earned the anger of everyone for awhile.

WBY:Yeah no shit...the leader left.

Ruby:Yang was the most upset, followed by Uncle Qrow, and you Weiss. I was ready for the blowback. Jaune and Nora saw me though and bursted into tears. Hehe, wasn’t ready for that. Felt terrible and cried back. To prevent that stunt again, my Yang convinced Raven to link me. A couple days of apologizing and rest smoothed things over. It also gave time for just a few close friends and colleagues to get together for an assault on Salem’s castle. A few were apprehensive about it at first but at the end of the day I was going. That attitude was infectious apparently. You guys, actually everybody, they started getting this hunger to end it all. Maybe it was the high of victory? Regardless, it sent me racing to the end with those that I loved most.

Yang:You’re a real “my way or the highway” kind of Ruby. I don’t get how that explains what made you so...elite.

Ruby:I’m not sure what to say. A fight needed to to fought so I fought it. A cry for help was heard so I ran to it. A grimm needed slaying so I slayed it. People needed me to win so I didn’t dare think of losing. Dying was never option, even when it stared me right into my eyes. I had things I wanted to do and people I wanted see for years to come. I guess...I am strong because of the fact I want things my way. A moment I’m not giving it 110% is a moment wasted. After all, a huntress is all I ever wanted to be.

A single dream she wanted since birth. The never ending desire to be the hero in stories told to her many nights ago. That’s all it ever was. That’s all it’s ever been. Even in meadow of beautiful red roses, one would be the rose that captured the eyes of many, that bloomed stronger than the rest. As simple as it was, that had to be the answer here. Weiss, Yang, and Blake were in front of that flower. The Ruby Rose that simply bloomed stronger than the rest. The one that clung to her dream as if letting go meant dying itself. The devotion was inspiring, yet also overwhelming. If this was Ruby they had lead them that day in the Emerald Forest, could they have kept up? Could she be the leader they followed? No, they couldn’t have. Something deep down inside them gave them that answer. No matter how she looked and how much she loved, this Ruby Rose was cut from a cloth they simply weren’t off. The same as others, but oh so different.

Weiss:You’re....kinda a monster, you know that right?

Yang:Seriously, I’m so...floored. It’s intimidating.

Blake:Not to mention humbling. I used to think I gave it all I had. Now I’m not so sure.

Ruby:Oh don’t be like that you three! You’re all living proof there was more than way to go about life, this war! Everything you gave was enough because you’re done with it! Nobody failed. Besides, I...am far from ideal. The assault was challenging. Getting around hoards of grimm and making it to Salem was hell made real. Neo tried taking another shot at me but Yang held her off with help. Everyone pushed the obstacles in front of me out of the way as I went to Salem herself. Cinder had been abandoned by her and stripped of a lot of her powers. Angry and desperate, she tried killing me again as a way to prove worth. I beat her. However, I let her walk away.

Yang:What!? Why would-

Ruby:Naive, I was...naive okay? She was all spent and though I hated her, I just couldn’t. Not when I looked into her eyes and saw that same hunger I had to claw and scream at my dream until it was in my hands die inside her. We both knew from this point on there was absolutely nothing she could do where this ends her way. All she worked for turned burned to ash. So I gave her the choice to not burn up with it. Cinder swallow her pride and then fled. A part of me couldn’t help but rationalize killing her didn’t solve or justify any of my beliefs or desires. It would’ve done it because I hated her like she hated me. That was the dumb logic of a seventeen year old who never quite learned to take things slow.

Blake:....I don’t think it’s dumb. Naive for sure, but maybe that’s good? Even my Ruby, she never wanted to act on hate. She didn’t. Salem lives.

Weiss:Mine sent her soul to be at piece instead of passing a cruel judgment.

Yang:As a person who’s seen what you looked like with nothing but vengeance inside, I can say it doesn’t fit you. Before that day you had a warmth inside you to even foes that were somewhat admirable. You chose to leave Cinder’s fate up to those who had that hate and Salem was undone by her own doing at the very end. That’s what really makes you special Ruby. That’s why you’re called an honest soul. Good will is your nature.

Ruby:....Hmm, you sure know how to butter me up. *scratches head* I guess that part of me is uni-I mean multiversal. Strangely, that makes me feel better, to a degree.

Weiss:Do we even have to ask what happened to Salem at this point? I doubt the story ends with you loosing and having to retreat.

Ruby:Who’s to say it doesn’t? I could’ve been beaten to death before the gods themselves descended down to revive me with awesome power.

Yang:....Did you?

Ruby:Wh-No! Haha, I made her an immortal statue.

Blake:I-It was that easy?

Ruby:Well I wouldn’t call rushing into hell’s castle easy, or Salem. I lit her up at least a dozen times. My head pounded from each use, I was tossed around a bunch, magic is annoying, and not to mention running out of ammo. I left nothing to the imagination in that fight. If it were easy then I wouldn’t be rooting my horn and my age doing it. I was so tired I blacked out afterwards. I woke days later with a sore body and the title of “Remnant’s Savior.” Apparently beating Salem had weakened the grimm everywhere and all of you made sure who was to be thanked for it. That’s the tale of how I saved the world with my friends. Love, trust, elbow grease, and a lot of bullets. Before the final battle, Ozpin had struck a deal with everyone involved. In return for saving the world, he’d cut ties with us.

Yang:Seriously? What brought that about!?

Ruby:Good or not, he lied and was a schemer. Sure I was gonna try to save the world regardless of his interference but there wasn’t a person alive that didn’t to finally take a step towards the future after all this. All of us finally had time chase dreams and help the world the way we wanted to before all of this. Blake begin mending hate, Weiss took back her company, if Yang wasn’t with Blake then she was seeking more answers to Raven on wild adventures.

Yang:You mean Raven still left after all that!?

Ruby:In her defense, both of you made everything fucking awkward when she was around. It’s like you both wanted to talk about something but knew any subject was a land mine so you all you ever did was...stare, like weirdos. Glad that’s in the past. She just lives with dad now and you two now to hold a conversation. I dare not ask for more. I’d be a granny by the time I did.

Yang:Sigh...I don’t know what I expected. Shit it the fan several times and children were born before mom and I found solidarity and understanding. What did you do afterwards? Your goal was already met.

Ruby:Like hell it was! I started busting my butt traveling around the world, visiting every place to help in anyways I could. Ren and Nora tagged along for awhile before going off to make an orphanage in Anima near Ren’s old village. That left Jaune and I to do our hero thing.

Yang:As well as other things....

Ruby:Hey, what can I say? We were young and going up in the world. By the time I was nineteen, I was now a married to my partner and best friend.

Weiss:Uhhhh-

Ruby:He’s my partner on RNJR and you’re my BFF, gosh did I really need to explain that hehe?

Weiss:I just had to make sure. Crazier twists could happen.

Blake:Wow you married young. Not that there’s a problem but I’m surprised. Then again you also dated earlier than my Ruby. Hehe, weapons were on her brain for a long time.

Weiss:No kidding. When I learned about you crushing on my brother I was shocked to find out you liked anybody in general. Especially a person who isn’t a weapon nut in the slightest.

Ruby:*shrugs* All you’re telling me is I’m clearly the most impatient or impulsive Ruby you all know. Don’t know how that happened. Maybe I was dropped as a baby or had one too many coffees growing up?

Weiss:I’m willing to bet it’s both.

Ruby:Ruuuuude. So yeah, that’s...the story of how I saved the world and married Jaune. We even built a home just outside Vacou, overlooking the kingdom and neighboring town in the distance where Maria grew up. Yeah, that’s me....more or less. All the triumphant parts anyways. Anything later on is......

.......

Blake:R...Ruby? You okay?

Ruby:Nope, not really. *clenches cross*

Yang:......You know, I never really got religion, especially after learning the truth. It just seemed completely hollow when you learn of the real gods, ya know? However, I changed my tune a bit after being a parent and then some more when uncle Qrow died. It was never really about the truth behind if those other gods were real-

Ruby:It’s the piece of mind in believing in a better place for loved ones and having people watch over you. It’s truly based on blind faith in every sense but that’s okay as long as it gives peace of mind, to stay strong. Yeah....that’s why I wear this.

Yang:If that’s the “why” then I guess the unavoidable question is what happened?

The reaper leaned back in his chair, letting out a long sigh. Ruby brushed her hair out of her face while her face went pale. Then, Ruby’s eyes, her teammates watched a pair of stunning silver eyes dim, becoming akin to a clouded mirror.

Ruby:Being a huntress was all I wanted. The plan of having a family and settling down never appealed to me much. I feel, I felt like being in the field was where I was meant to be. It’s where I was most myself in a way. So the day I learned that I was pregnant was more than a little upsetting and terrifying, until dad and time itself filled me with the most genuine joy I may have ever experienced. Dustin Arc Rose, my first born son. He opened a door to a world and life I never knew I wanted to be apart of. Then...that door was shut minutes after, when Cinder and Neo stole him right from my arms. I couldn’t do a single thing about it other than blackout. That single act of good will I showed, it did nothing but kill me inside. The same way I did to her.

WB:.....

Yang:Ru-Ruby....your eyes.

Ruby:Hmm? Are they clouded? Funny, I would’ve thought your Ruby would’ve had a similar change. Maybe that’s a world exclusive thing, or a testament to the will you Ruby has to endure. Clouded eyes on a silver eyed warrior means the person has lost the desire or rather the mindset of persevering life. Be it their own life or wanting to end another’s life out of resentment, strife. My entire world fell apart when I woke up and learned nobody was able to retrieve Dustin. I was in pieces, Jaune was broken, nobody was the same. There wasn’t a soul we didn’t know that hadn’t tried to find a lead, but we never did. He was just...gone; and I couldn’t cope at all.

Weiss:I don’t think any mother could. Ruby, I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Ruby:I’m sorry too. I lashed out in anger, and shut people out. My eyes clouded and I dove into my work for a little over a year doing nothing but searching aimlessly as I took and every job back to back. The more time went by meant the more people eventually had to go back to their own, and it drove me up a wall inside. No one could reach me. I didn’t want anybody to. Not even Jaune. I....*teary eyed* I left him alone in house. There was no part of me that could even attempt to understand his pain because I was drowning in mine. I was told he tried his best to catch them at the hospital. I never hated him for not succeeding but I...he... I just, I can’t. I don’t know what I thought. All o knew was I didn’t even want him to touch me. How cruel is that? *hugging herself* I made him drown in despair in the same way I was. I wasn’t home so often that I never realized he eventually left it abandoned to live with dad. Yang and Blake I didn’t even show up to your wedding. Jaune did that much. Hell, Raven attended. Ruby Rose as a person didn’t exist any more. I was only a wandering huntress looking for answers or the challenge that might’ve ended me.

Blake:What changed?

Ruby:Oz, he did what nobody else dared to do. He fought me. I don’t think he thought twice about it. He was prepared to accept all the anger I kept inside until I eventually broke down into tears like I’m trying not to do right now. Thinking about that time is still, extremely difficult. Oz let me lament, encouraging me afterwards to finally except the fact Dustin was gone and that I needed to process it properly. First I went to you Yang, in order to have a my big sis to lean on. Can you guess how that went?

Yang:With me holding you tighter than I ever had before.

Ruby:*smiles gently* I don’t deserve you. You and Blake then came to patch with me where everyone else waited for me and helped me face Jaune. That may have been the hardest thing I’ve done. Grieving or not, the fact that I left him in such a state. I know what that does to people firsthand and yet I left. For the first time in over a year we embraced and finally grieved together. The next two years were spent trying to heal and cope. During my time away the world had fully acknowledged me. I even got a proper nickname, but it all felt hollow. Imagine that, achieving your dream but not caring? If that’s not salt in a wound then I don’t know what is.

Weiss:What’s your title?

Ruby:I am the person people want to see when evil comes to cut their story short. I am a symbol that their tale still has more to tell. Remnant has named me The Storyteller. Curtsey of Maria, who spread the name around. Healing was slow and most nights I felt a pain in my heart, but then everything changed. One moment made me dare to try again to open that shut door in my life. *looks at Yang* I held your son in my arms. Sweet little Kovu.

Blake:*smiles* Kovu? Now I wonder who named him?

Yang:*red* Huh...how about that? Hehehe, wish I could meet him. I know he isn’t technically mine but I can’t help but feel all warm now. Also I can’t believe I named him that!

Weiss:I can. Veronica’s middle name is Nala.

Yang:Okay, maybe not marrying Blake was a win? Clearly I can’t be trusted to not name my children after other cats.

Blake:The wrong kind of cat too. I’m a panther faunus, not a lion. Even if they’re blonde that’s still false advertising of what they are.

Ruby:Well Yang was the one giving birth so you lost a majority of the option to complain.

Blake:That is fair.

Weiss:You gave birth to Vee, so I think that solves who picked her first name.

Ruby rested her head in her propped up hands that rested on the table. She felt exhausted reliving that chapter of her life mentally. Still she managed to smile, then smile bigger. Her eyes unclouded and a warm feeling filling her again. What Ruby said earlier about what made her different may have reign true, but her friends could since that there was now more to it. Ruby had spiraled into an unimaginable tragedy, yet was able to bounce back thanks to loved ones. To smile as she does, it was truly a strong sight to see. Even if she wasn’t fully aware of that.

Ruby:Carmine Arc Rose, my second born and the first child to call me mommy. Followed many years later by itty bitty Garnet. He’s my little man, five years old while is big sis is seventeen now.

Yang:Damn! That’s a gap. Oh, also congratulations. Almost forgot that part. I’m glad you got to be the super awesome mom that-

Ruby:I am easily C-teir.

Yang:Oh come on! What!?

Ruby:Listen, I know I got on you all for calling yourselves bad parents, but I will hear no debate about me understand!? I flop a lot of times.

Weiss:That doesn’t make you a C-teir. That makes you a new mom, silly.

Ruby:*grumbling* I agree to disagree but thank you. It’s just a lot okay. Too much to dive into honestly.

Blake:Summarize. Give us an abbreviated version.

Ruby:Ummm so Carmine is real special kid. The absolute love I have for her is unbreakable but gods damnit if she isn’t the most... “me” I could be! In a way similar yet different from myself, Carmine has always had this sense of urgency in her and a love for the world around her. She recognizes that it’s a fragile piece we have and just how hard I’ve worked with everyone to make it. I could tell that from her when she was five. I’d sound crazy, but the fact she used her eyes at the age proves I’m not.

Yang:She has silver eyes!? Why didn’t you bring that up?

Ruby:I thought that was obvious. All of my kids were born with then. Unlike her baby brother though, Carmine was a weird little kid. She didn’t socialize well. Still doesn’t, she’s kinda comes off rude and cold because of her bluntness. She doesn’t really express all her feelings or understand others fully. One might call her a little cold but the passion she had to protect life itself is a testament to how much she cares. Carmine is also a genius fighter. To put in perspective, people use the same nickname for her that they used for Pyrrha.

WBY:Oh....

Ruby:Yeah! It’s not hyperbolic to say ever since Carmine is far beyond any skill I was at her age since she turned thirteen. You called me a monster earlier but no, I merely gave birth to a beast. I mean she could pass the huntsman exam at fifteen if I didn’t make her wait. I can’t call her arrogant, she talks with confidence because she has that right by all means. Still, besides her face, that’s where the similarities start separating; besides terrible grades in general stuff. We’ve never been in step completely. To put simply in her own words, “What I am is a hero, while she is a huntress.” That good will and mercy I try to give everyone isn’t how she rolls. It drives a real wedge that has resulted in us not going on missions together.

Blake:Is she...killing?

Ruby:She has before, and it had valid reasons entirely, but I also know for a fact she is more than capable of bringing down people without taking that step. Not all cases are that intense thank goodness. Her overall aggressiveness is the root of the problem. You don’t have to put you back into it when handling thugs. They aren’t Hazel.

Yang:Ooo okay, yeah I’m seeing what you mean now. It’s like that one comic you always read!

Ruby:Sigh...yeah she channels a bit of Batman energy and I need her to not do that all the time. I suppose being an honest soul isn’t particularly hereditary. It always feels like we aren’t enjoying each other’s company these days. I can’t blame her though. So....you know how all of you have had one serious problem that has both destabilized yourself as well as the kids and their relationship to you? *clouded eyes*

Weiss:Wait...you loosing a child wasn’t that?

Ruby:Oh it was. It just so happened that it never ended. It grew day by day. Night by night. Jaune and I were cautious with Carmine. Going as far to give her contacts and giving birth to her off the record and not at a hospital. Just in case Cinder came back. Well, Cinder and Neo came back, with my Dustin.

Nobody said anything. What do you even say to that!? All they did was let out a stifled breath and tried to gauge Ruby’s look of guilt.

Ruby:Yet again we had gotten too comfortable. It happened when Carmine was thirteen. I don’t think Garnet was even one yet. That’s when the cruelest realization hit me. My son had been alive and hearing about how his so called mother being a person who saves everyone, yet she never came for him. She had moved on, letting his eyes become clouded with such seething hate for the world she did save; the children she had after. It’s been four years since the day he attacked Carmine and helped grimm try to invade Vacou. To this day it’s been a life of staying on gaurd, searching for them as they popped up countless places to tear Remna- to tear me down and I can’t decide what part hurts the most. The amount of anger that prevents me from killing Cinder in a blink of an eye, or looking at my daughter who has told me herself that she is going to kill her older brother because I’m too weak to do so. That I’m in no way as good as the world believes me to be. *puts hood up* Like I said, C-teir mom, at best.

Blake:That’s- you can’t- there’s no way for you to reach him? Maybe if you-

Ruby:He looks at me the same way Neo and Cinder do, Blake. They raised him to hate me. Besides, he hurt Carmine. She’s just not gonna let that slide and frankly I shouldn’t either. Carmine acts tough and for the most part is, but gets terrified like everyone else. In many ways she’s still just a young girl that I wish had never chosen to become a huntress. If I had it my way she’d just be a normal girl with normal knees; but her mother’s weakness and inexperience wrapped her up in yet another war. It’s ironic. I barely remember mom and yet I ended up putting my family in very similar situation as if she lead instruction. Happy endings, I’m not sure if I get-

Yang:You’re better than mom....

Ruby:......

Yang:Yeah I said. Look I love Summer Rose but at the end of the day she wasn’t around, not that she didn’t want to be, but it’s the truth. Several years of pleasant childhood memories and a lifetime of grief is what she left me, and all you got were tales you should’ve experienced first hand. Ruby you have spent seventeen years loving your daughter unconditionally and being there for her no matter if it’s for better or worse. Yeah you might not being doing it perfectly and I have no idea how to even fathom your predicament, but at least you are there trying. Take it from me, that’s all a daughter ever wants from their mother. It’s also what makes a pretty kick ass dad. *smiles* Chin up, hero. Your story isn’t over yet after all.

Silence filled the air and Ruby’s throat ran dry. Ruby pulled out her scroll to go to her pictures and displayed one of her favorite photos for everyone to see. It was Carmine’s fifteenth birthday. Ruby didn’t lie about the resemblance. the girl had short blonde hair that stopped halfway down her neck in the back and was longer in the front, reaching shoulders. Like her mother, the tips of her hair transitioned to red. The beautiful young woman tried to her hide her smile but her gleeful silver eyes were practically twinkling with joy as Ruby hugged her tightly from behind and a tall, more solid version of Jaune was smushing one of Carmine’s cheeks with an overly dramatic kiss to it. A tiny child no older than three at most was in his big sister’s arms. Garnet had his mother’s hair and eyes but something about the chubby face definitely showed Jaune’s features. The child had red frosting on his face and was reaching eagerly for more cake somewhere out of frame.

Yang noticed the girl took page from her father and wore some regular cargo shorts, but clearly didn’t lack flair by wearing a red crop top that showed off a fresh tattoo of the Arc crest on her toroso. Knowing her sister, that tattoo was most likely practical. The family looked happy, proud; and the mother of it currently sat across the table crying with her head face down in her hands cwhile Weiss and Blake hugged her from each side. Roses may have thorns, anyone who knew roses knew a simple truth. They’re still fragile flowers.

Yang:(Carmine Arc Rose. For you and your mother’s sake, I hope things go well)

xxxx

Though Carmine seemed cold by nature, people were quick learn the opposite. The most recent learner of this was a scared little girl that held on for dear life. It was nighttime, nothing but the sound of pouring rain and the distant glow of red and the warmth of Carmine holding the girl against her body while she sprinted through a mud ridden forest. The little payed no attention to the pain in her side, but the glow of roses, eyes, and flames through her tear filled eyes.

Beowulves chased frantically but then severed immediately by something the girl couldn’t understand, but it looked like the person carrying her. The dead beasts brought no comfort. Not when more followed close behind.

Girl:I-I’m sc...scared!

Carmine:Don’t look at them sweetie, it’ll be fine. Just keep being a brave little girl.

Girl:M...Mommy was back there.

Carmine:.....I know, she’ll be just fine. Your village, there are plenty of people there that will be just fine! Huff..... You got a name?

Mary:Mary.....

Carmine:Oh that’s a beautiful name, Mary. You know I was almost a Mary? Yeah my grandma was a really amazing person and I almost got named something similar to her. Mary is a very strong name!

Mary:You’re a liar! I’m sad, not strong. I want my mommy! Everything his dark and hurts and I want her!

The girl began painfully crying as Carmine followed her trail of roses to avoid getting lost. Things were getting worse. The storm raged and she could feel this girl burning in her arms. Not to mention the unsettling warmth the mixed with the cold rain against her body and dripped to puddles below. Any grimm near by could only be dealt with by many copies of her nearby, but that would only go so far when fear was out full force. Carmine’s boots felt like cement, but she still ran.

Carmine:Mary, you know what do when I miss my mommy? I sing! Yeah, my mom sings the best lullabies that made me feel super strong when I was little! It’s a magic song that makes everyone strong. How about I sing it you and they can sing it your mommy later okay!? But you have to close your eyes to really focus on the words!

Mary:*sniffling* Okay....

Baby deathstalkers swarmed the path made ahead as small Nevermores dove at her. Out of options, Carmine broke from the path, trying to rely on memory to go towards the safe zone while also singing lyrics to her favorite song.

Dream of anything; I'll make it all come true.

Everything you need is all I'll have for you~

Carmine never wavered. No matter how badly her lungs her or nearly slipped, she kept singing all the way to her destination where several other clones were seen racing towards with more civilians to injured or young to go themselves. An orphanage where Nora and Ren stood outside rushing people in while Jaune was keeping the grimm at bay. The sight brought a little ease.

Don't worry, I've got you; nothing will ever harm you.

I'm close by, I'll stay here; through all things, I will be near~

Carmine finally reached Nora and passed off the girl who’s grip weakened overtime. A few lyrics in and Carmine knew she was singing mainly for herself.

Carmine:Get her medical attention! I’m gonna go and find more! There’s still-

Jaune:Wait, it’s too dangerous!

Carmine:I know! That’s why I have to go! That fire is spreading and there’s stragglers pinned down! Dad.....I’m pinned down!

Jaune tensed up and looked at Carmine. No scraps on her and her clothes only soiled by others. It didn’t take long to realize. The man resisted the urge to run out to the ruined town and stood firmly.

Jaune:Carmine...end it. We’ll worry about the consequences later.

Carmine:....Okay.

Across the woods amongst the flames the real Carmine stood bleeding and bruised in front of two Beringel that charged over the vanishing corpses of their fallen with more grimm, her sword stabbed into the ground supporting her weight. Behind all living people that remained finally managed to flee. All except for a woman trapped by house debris. The woman watched this young huntsman stand proudly again. She wasn’t sure what happened next. All she heard was one sentence.

“Close your eyes...” before everything went white. Next thing she knew, Carmine was lifting debris off her as rain and wind washed away any evidence. A relief she didn’t care about in the slightest. She neither had the strength, or the time too. Much like Carmine, who began to pant and teeter. It was clear to the woman that whatever just happened didn’t come without cost as she watched the girl fall to her knees. Though she tried moving, Carmine was spent.

Carmine:Don’t worry...we’re safe....let’s-

Woman:Go...

Carmine:Huh?

Woman:I...my legs. Everything...I can’t move. Just go. I d-don’t think I’d las-

Carmine:Don’t talk like that! The hard parts over! I can-

Woman:Barely walk. *smiles* It’s okay. I don’t blame you. You fought hard.

Carmine:.....I...I’m sorry. *teary eyed*

Woman:Say, I know that face anywhere. Your Lady Rose’s kid. Funny, I thought your eyes were red? My daughter, Mary, she loves your mother. Makes me kinda jealous hehe, but hey I love her too. *crying* Do you know if Mary made it? She was wearing-

Carmine:A black dress, pink ribbons in her hair...

Woman:Yes! Is she safe? I saw you- one of you carry her off.

Carmine:...She’s just fine.

Woman:Good. That’s all....that.....

The woman never finished her sentence. Carmine’s body fell limp on the ground, facing the rain. Even with the cold downpour she could feel the warmth of her own tears, containing her emotions best she could as she looked through her clones eyes to watch Nora take Mary away from the survivors and out of sight to not stir further panic.

Carmine wasn’t sure how long she layed there, but it was long enough for Jaune to find her. The man didn’t say a word. The town was in shambles. Grimm were still fading and his daughter looked tired, but not in serious condition. Unlike the those who didn’t make it. Jaune put Carmine in his arms, carrying her away to safety.

Carmine:......Does mom ever save them all?

Jaune:No, but that never stops her from trying; or mourning.

She clenched her father’s shirt and let herself be fragile, to be a Rose.

Carmine:Next time. Mom and I, we’ll both get it right next time. A happy ending for all!

Jaune:Yeah, I know you will. Together....

[ajoblotofjunk]

Sorry for the unsolicited ask, but I remember seeing you said that Ned Stark was Lawful Neutral. What DnD alignments do you see for the rest of the characters at the beginning of their journeys and where they are now in the books? Also, what should have the TV adapted from the book and what should the book series take from the TV’s changes and pitfalls?

Hi! I love unsolicited asks, no apologies necessary. :) 

I’m going to pick a handful of some of the more interesting-to-me POV characters since it’s been a minute since I did a book re-read and also there are a ton of characters in this story. So. If there’s someone in particular you were hoping for, you can ask!

Ned Stark - Lawful-neutral from start to finish, ALTHOUGH. I think Ned’s great tragedy is that at the very end he bent and it didn’t do shit for him anyway. He still was killed, because he’d gone too far and he was too unwilling to bend when he had more power. Also my first D&D character ever was a LN gnome fighter and I just have a lot of feelings about LN fighters.

Catelyn Stark - Here’s a hot take: I think Cat is True Neutral at the beginning, and then when things start to happen to her family she slips a bit into Neutral-Evil, with the selfishness focused around her pain and her family’s well-being. (There’s an argument to be made that she’s chaotic-good/chaotic-neutral but I think Cat feels more strongly about authority than that suggests.)

Arya Stark (yes, my secret is out: I am a Stark fan) - Arya is very chaotic-good at the beginning of the story and where we’ve left her, I think she’s chaotic-neutral and poised on a tipping point where she could slip to chaotic-evil but I think she’s gonna go back to CG. Maybe True Neutral, but I don’t see her becoming the true Faceless Man archetype that requires in the books (in the show I think she did become TN).

Cersei Lannister - I think Cersei is Lawful-Evil, because Tywin is Lawful-Evil and she thinks she’s female Tywin. In reality she’s probably Neutral Evil, especially where we’re at in the books, though she still lets herself be bound by authority in a way that suggests she might still be LE.

Tyrion Lannister - Okay here’s the thing. I don’t like Tyrion. Which, if you’ve read my fics, is probably not a surprise to discover. I liked him in the early books! But as he’s gone on I’ve liked him less and less and now he just annoys the crap out of me in ASOIAF. I think Tyrion was probably True Neutral at the beginning; honestly there’s an argument that he might’ve been Neutral-Good, but he’s definitely Neutral-Evil now, MAYBE Chaotic-Neutral if I were being generous with him. Which I am not.

Jaime Lannister - Jaime has had I think the biggest alignment shift out of anyone in the entire series. I think he started life as Lawful-Good, and then when the authority he trusted betrayed him, he shifted to an outward Chaotic Neutral/inward Chaotic Good that’s struggling to reassert itself. I think where he’s at now in the series is transitioned into that Chaotic Goodness more outwardly, and I think by the end of the series he’ll be fully CG, POSSIBLY Neutral Good but I’m not sure I see him making that shift completely.

Brienne of Tarth - Brienne is maybe my all-time favorite character of anything ever, so I have a lot of Opinions about her and this one I hold dear: I think a lot of fandom thinks she’s Lawful-Good, but I think she’s Neutral-Good. She is extremely driven by keeping her promises, but not, IMO, because of the weight of authority but because of the weight of her own moral beliefs in making a promise. She wants to do good because it’s the right thing to do, not because any oaths she takes tell her to. It’s why she was willing to hear Jaime out about what he did to Aerys when others (like Ned) wouldn’t - because she recognizes that good is the choice, not the oath. BECAUSE HERE’S THE DEAL. If Brienne were Lawful-Good, she would have stayed and married someone on Tarth. But she’s not. So she didn’t. I think she will retain her Neutral-Goodness through the series. I could see her slipping to maybe Chaotic-Good, but honestly I think she’ll stay NG/return to NG by the end.

I am very curious if people disagree on any of these (even Brienne!) so discussion encouraged. :)

Whew, that was pretty long. And I still have more of this question to answer! So the rest I’m putting under a Keep Reading cut.

What should have the TV adapted from the book and what should the book series take from the TV’s changes and pitfalls?

This is a really complicated question, and I really like it, but I’m not sure I feel confident answering it.

I think the TV show suffered from trying to refine an unfinished story to its core themes without knowing where George was going to end (except I guess with Bran as King?). I used to think that the choices they made about what they left out where telling - all of the Targaryen nonsense limited just to Dany and not any of the other stuff, for instance - but given the finale, I think D & D both hyperfocused only on keeping the main points they needed for what they saw as the end while also only paying off the bones of what they’d adapted from the first three books and didn’t have room for the ways GRRM expanded the story after the third book nor for the ways his end will probably be more complicated than the one they were limited to by it being a TV finale.

All of which is to say: I would have loved them to adapt the Lady Stoneheart arc, particularly for Brienne, but that D&D had no idea how to make that work within the confines of what their limitations both of what they’d chosen to focus on previously and TV, and so I understand why they didn’t. I would have loved, as well, to have more depth and see more of the Dorne arc with Arianne and Myrcella and Tristan, but that adds a whole season’s worth of episodes that the show just could not absorb. The show was forced to choose early to focus on the Starks and the Lannisters, with Dany as a third party, and they never were able to sway from that.

If I were starting over from scratch, I would have to have a long talk with GRRM and figure out what his point is, and work backward from there. I don’t get the sense D & D worked backward from anything but the Red Wedding.

(To be honest, if I were writing the show, I’d do everything the same up to season 6, at which point I’d separate Jaime and Cersei, and make it all about setting up the War of the Five Queens in s6, then we deal with the threat of the White Walkers as a serious, full-season arc for season 7, and then spend season 8 paying off the Queens War and ending with whatever thematic ending it is GRRM is going toward (humans are the ultimate monsters! Women make it work! Women fuck it up just as badly as the men did! Democracy for everyone! Peace is tentative and must be fought for in a tense standoff that all of these older, weary women now understand! Which is what I would have chosen. heh.)

As for the other way, what do I think GRRM should learn from the show. I mean I love the tent scene and would love to see something like that adapted somehow to the books (when Jaime comes to Winterfell to fight, would be my personal suggested placement; imagine the drama and romance!). I think GRRM could also stand to learn from streamlining to key characters and plots, which is what I hope he’s doing in TWOW. But where we’re at in the story in the books is so different from where the show went that I think it’s hard to make any specific suggestions. Mostly I just really want him to look at the story he’s telling and understand it, and recognize that it may have changed certain endings he may have considered previously before his story unfolded itself and he realizes that Jaime and Brienne living on Tarth can be the sweet part of the bittersweet. Ahem.

[one-boring-person]

Just A Babysitter. (Part Four.)

The Lost Boys x reader (mostly Laddie x reader)

Warnings: none.

Context: (Y/n) and Laddie go to the Boardwalk to spend some time together, whilst Michael and Star get intimate in the hotel.

A/N: I'm sorry this is so short, it's more of a filler part, really. I'll ty and get a better part up later.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

Laddie is practically bouncing off the walls when I tell him the next night that we're going into Santa Carla by ourselves, no Star, no vampires, just the two of us, the youngster spouting nonsense about going to buy comics and candy, hoping I'll take him on some of the rides Star normally won't let him go on. With a bright smile, I assure him we'll have fun, though I am confused as to why Star doesn't want to come with us; I did ask her to join me, but she declined me almost as soon as I said anything.

My answer arrives as soon as I hear the familiar sound of someone entering the cave, the footsteps only newly familiar to me: Michael. As he lights the room, he catches sight of Laddie and I leaving, instantly coming over and stopping me with a harsh grip on my arm.

"What the hell did they do to me? What did you do?!" He accuses, voice laced with horror and fear, as well as panic.

Pulling my arm from his grip, I give him an odd look before replying.

"It's not my place to say." I reply, sourly, pushing past him with Laddie in tow, knowing Star will most likely work her magic, in whatever way that is. All I know is that Laddie does not need to be around to find out, and neither do I.

Exiting the cave, Laddie and I ascend the steps, shivering a little in the cool night air as it swirls around us, the raging water somewhere below us loud in the otherwise quiet night. As we emerge over the top of the cliff, I allow myself to laugh when the young half-vampire races over to where my motorcycle is hidden, reaching up and trying to push the bike forwards.

"You won't get very far with the brakes still on." I call out to him as I join him, kicking out the stand and releasing the handbrake so he can at least try to push it. A surprised gasp of pride leaves him when the motorbike moves, though I don't tell him that it is, in fact, me pushing the vehicle onto firmer ground, not him, knowing full well that the Triumph is much too heavy for him.

"You wanna ride up front for once?" I offer him, smiling when his face lights up. Climbing onto the bike first, I settle myself before reaching over and picking the little boy up off the ground and placing him in front of me, brushing some of his long hair out of my face. Directing him to hold onto the unoccupied areas of the handlebars, I make sure he's secure and start the engine, chuckling when he jumps a bit from the sudden vibration - my bike feels a little different to the motorcycles the boys ride.

"Ready?" I question him, revving the engine for emphasis.

"Yeah, let's go!" Laddie encourages, excitement evident in his voice.

"Ok, you better be holding on!" I warn before throwing the bike into gear, starting off at a relatively slow(ish) speed until we hit the road, where I push it up. In front of me, Laddie screams in joy, enjoying the new perspective he's getting from riding in front of the driver for once, delirious cries of exhilaration escaping us both as we thunder down the main road. Thankfully, there aren't many other vehicles driving around, giving us mostly free run of the flat expanse of concrete, allowing me to make the ride more interesting. I keep the speed at a controllable high, making sure I can easily brake without giving us whiplash should I need to, though I manoeuvre the bike in a slalom in any case, whooping with the boy in front of me as we go, my chest pressing into his back as I try to make us as streamlined as possible.

Too soon, the bright lights of Santa Carla come into view, prompting me to slow down as I take the first turn into town, trying my best to obey the traffic laws I don't care about, not in the mood to be pulled over tonight. In record time, I manage to skip all the traffic lining the streets and pull up on the Boardwalk, turning the engine off when I finally find a safe spot to leave the motorbike. Climbing off, I help Laddie off, only to have to catch him again when he falls, his legs shaking from the thrill of the ride. Grinning, I lift him onto my back, carrying him further into the busy area with some ease.

"Where do you wanna go first?" I question him, looking at him over my shoulder as he glances around, eyes wide and impressed as always.

"Comic book shop, please!" He requests, pointing over my shoulder at the Frog's store to my right.

"Okie dokie, let's get going." I agree, heading over towards it, Laddie holding on tight as I go, his fingers gripping the front of my leather jacket eagerly. Upon entering, the two boys who run the shop, Edgar and Alan, give us a suspicious look, though they don't come over, instead just allowing us to look around at the comics on offer. Letting Laddie down, I go over to a particular one which catches my eye: Vampires Everywhere. A chuckle escapes me at the name of it, knowing how true the statement technically is as I take it with me, flicking through the pages briefly as I continue to browse, joining Laddie when we've both picked out three or four each. I take them over to the checkout, where I hand them to Edgar, who is manning the till, his brother currently guarding the comics outside the vicinity of the shop. As the boy comes across Vampires Everywhere, he looks up at me, eyes narrowed.

"Are you aware of the bloodsucker problem around here, too?" He asks, voice a little gruff for a young kid.

"The bloodsucker problem?" I question him, playing it off as a bit of a joke.

"Yeah, Santa Carla ain't the fairy town everyone makes it out to be." Edgar informs me, drawing a scoff from me.

"There is no one in the world who calls this place a fairy town. But no, I wasn't aware we had one. I thought that was the next town over." I respond, shrugging my shoulders in mock concern.

"Well it isn't, so you better make sure you and you're kid are protected against them when they come knocking."

"Ok, I'll make sure my brother and I are appropriately prepared for this. Thank you." I say, giving him a tight smile before paying and leaving, Laddie trailing behind me.

"Right then, where to next?" I ask him, smiling down at him as he considers my question.

"Can we go in there?" He points at a little store selling trinkets, some of the wares already catching my eye.

"Sure, let's go!"

Going over to it, we start browsing, eventually buying a couple of small things before the cycle is repeated, again and again, until we are forced to buy a bag to carry it all in, the money David and the boys have collected from victims over the years finally coming in useful. I manage to get a small something for each of them, as well as a tonne of new stuff for Laddie, who needs to experience some sort of humanity before it is taken from him. By the end of the night, he has a new leather jacket, a bracelet, some figurines and some badges and patches to go on the coat, whilst I've come out of tonight with a new necklace depicting a striking scorpion.

After hours of browsing and going on the rides, we find ourselves back at my bike, eating a portion of fries between us as we watch the crowd become thin, both of us in a good mood after the time we spent together. I notice that Laddie has started yawning more frequently, though, so I quickly make the decision to get home before he falls asleep on the ride back, binning the empty packaging and helping him back into the front of the bike.

"Lets get home, hmm? We can show Star and the boys everything we got." I encourage him, smiling when he grins excitedly, quickly breaking off into a large yawn as he does so. Climbing up onto the bike, I start the engine and swiftly peel off into the traffic, going as fast as I dare in order to get home at a decent time. The roads are mostly empty again, but the drivers that are present are unbearably slow, so I try to overtake as much as possible, nearly spinning off course when a lorry looms up out of nowhere, Laddie screaming out in pure ecstasy at the dangerous turn of events. From his reaction, I deduct that he's been listening to Paul a little too much, taking on the happy-go-lucky vampire's attitude with ease. I smile at the bought, knowing Paul will be happy to have another adrenaline-junky in the gang, though I doubt Dwayne will be too pleased after trying his hardest to teach the young boy the safer perks of being a vampire, despite often ignoring his own advice.

Within fifteen minutes, I've pulled up outside the cave and hidden the bike, lifting Laddie into my arms as I realise he's just as exhausted as I am, his eyes drooping closed even as he tries to fight the sleep off, at least until he's shown off his new stuff. Carrying him down the walkway, I grab the rest of the stuff and enter the familiar confines of the sunken hotel, quickly looking over at the bed in the corner of the room, swiftly finding it still occupied by both Star and Michael, though the latter has sat up and is eyeing his hand in amazement. At my arrival, he looks up, blue eyes finding me with ease as I shift Laddie's weight in my arms, trying not to interrupt anything especially not Star's sleep.

Awkwardly, I shoot Michael a quick smile in greeting before going to sit on my armchair with the half-vampire in my arms, cradling him against my chest as we wait for the boys to return, Laddie keeping his eyes open as much as possible whilst we do so. After a couple of minutes, though, I notice he has fallen asleep against me, clearly exhausted after the night out, even if it hasn't been a particularly strenuous one. Smiling to myself, I rock him a little, happy that the boy is around to keep me sane, uncaring of whether or not Michael is watching me from across the room, his curious gaze not completely unnoticed, though I do look up to stare him down as I finally register the loud laughing of the other boys returning home, evidently having just fed. None of them come into the main room, most likely going straight to their sleeping positions, a quick look at my watch confirming this to me, my own tiredness catching up to me as I make the decision to get some sleep.

Standing carefully, I take Laddie over to his cot, where I tuck him in after removing his new jacket and his usual shoes leaving all of his new stuff beside the bed as I bid Michael a good morning and excuse myself to my own room. As I enter, I notice someone is sat on the bed, his lanky yet short frame sprawled across the space lazily as he waits for me to recognise him, his face just visible in the light from the other room.

"Marko? What're you doing here?" I question, smiling a little as I pull off my jacket and boots, removing all my jewellery as I go.

"Well, I heard you have the others some attention last night, and I wanted some, too." The vampire responds, his grin almost audible as I sigh and shake my head, knowing full well that I can't refuse him.

"You know I'm always open to giving you attention. You don't have to wait until you want to make even with the others." I point out as I slip into the bed, pulling the covers over us as he moves to wrap me in his arms, spooning me with his head resting just behind me, his frigid body temperature radiating through his jacket and into me, though the duvet helps to keep me warm. Humming in contentment, I draw small patterns onto his hands as I try to lull myself to sleep, enjoying his presence immensely.

"God, what would I do without you guys?" I muse, my eyelids drooping closed as my voice softens, the chuckle that resonates behind me only serving to make me fall asleep faster.

He goes to reply, but I don't register it, my mind not quite with it as I allow myself to drift off in his arms.

Part Five

[mittensmorgul]

The Tumblr Beta Version: an objective analysis

I was tempted to just type “it sucks.” And while that is an objective analysis, it’s not exactly helpful. I’ve sent several requests to @staff and @support to restore my account to the old tumblr dashboard format, and received the same automated reply twice now. I’ll copy/paste it here so everyone is on the same page:

(lol, I had to go back and edit this, because apparently the beta version doesn’t display block quotes on the dash. So I’ve also put the block quotes in italics... hopefully it’ll display properly... note after editing: nope, it doesn’t display italics either... how the heck am I supposed to differentiate quoted text? I’ll start each quoted bit with an asterisk, I guess...)

*Thanks for reaching out about the beta dashboard.

*We're currently testing it out, and your account seems to have been selected to take part in the test. Thanks for your patience while we work on it! At this time there is not a way to opt out of testing. You may see your Tumblr experience return to normal as we continue testing.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

*In the meantime, check out some of the new features available only in the beta dashboard:

OKAY TUMBLR, IF YOU INSIST, though I would MUCH rather have back all the functionality I personally invested into this website through xkit... you know... making the site ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL. Let’s see what this beta version has given me instead of functionality:

*Change Palettes: Go to the person icon, then click "Change Palette." You'll find the classic Tumblr blue, dark mode, and a few other color palettes for your dash.

So I tried out all the color palettes. In addition to the ones mentioned here, there’s one that’s trying to look like a green screen terminal that gives me flashbacks to the early 80′s. There’s a reason we stopped using green screen terminals... Another one is “canary yellow.” It’s very yellow. The “classic tumblr” isn’t actually classic tumblr... all the post boxes are dark blue with grey type, not white with black type. And all the other colors are the insanely bright fluorescent of the new Dark Blue standard tumblr scheme. Which means links are practically invisible unless I highlight them. It’s migraine inducing. The one theme with a light colored background is called “Concrete” or “Cement” or something like that and even that only works for about half an hour before the migraine aura really kicks in. I just want my Old Blue via xkit back. You know, what tumblr actually used to look like. I don’t want any of these horrible color palettes. None of them work for me.

*The new "meatballs" menu: This is where you can copy the post link, unfollow the Tumblr who made or reblogged the post, or report a violation to our Community Guidelines.

I could do all of this from the user menus with xkit, too. I don’t regularly report violations or have the urge to block people I have chosen to follow. Why on earth would I want to do any of this? And why would I want these features located directly beside the post link copy feature? 

You know what I do miss? I miss the xkit timestamps feature. I didn’t have to hover dangerously close to the KILL IT WITH FIRE meatballs menu in order to see when a post was made, and in this era of disinformation and misinformation spreading around this site faster than Covid-19, being able to see when a post was ORIGINALLY created is a far more useful feature than an easier way to block people. For reference: I currently have three blogs blocked. Two of them are pornbots. One is a nazi. If I don’t want someone’s content on my dash, I don’t follow them. This “feature” is entirely useless to me.

*A quick note: Pagination is not supported in this beta test, but we're collecting feedback to send to our engineers.

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. This beta test might actually be tolerable if I wasn’t trapped into endless scrolling. If I could page through my dash, refreshing it every ten posts or so. You know why? Because once I scroll about 30 posts down my dash, tumblr starts overheating my laptop under the load of ALL THOSE POSTS. Things start malfunctioning-- it takes longer and longer to load new posts the farther I scroll. And the keyboard navigation (both page down and hitting J to advance to the next post, and even just using the down arrow to scroll as I read a long post) freeze and stop functioning. One of my laptop fans has actually begun to malfunction.

You know why this wasn’t a problem on the old version? If the data load got to heavy, I could open a post in a new tab, click view on dash with xkit, and voila! Brand new tab! I could close the malfunctioning tab and everything would be refreshed to normal! But without pagination, THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Also, after reblogging a few posts, the beta version of this site breaks, and doesn’t open a post tab to add commentary or even tags. It just... reblogs the untagged post with no warning whatsoever. You know... that’s really really not cool. I tag EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. The tags are the only way to keep track of the 40k+ posts on my blog. And warn people that I am posting potential spoilers, or other specific content. It’s REALLY inconvenient to have to either immediately go to my blog to edit the post and add tags, or even comments. The alternative is to scroll up to open individual posts I want to reblog in a new tab, and then reblog directly there. Ironically enough, THOSE pages actually open with xkit installed, and everything (surprise!) functions perfectly there.

It’s perfectly reasonable to understand why this specific issue has limited the number of posts I reblog. Reblogging content should not be this much of a hassle. Creators have been complaining for a while that reblogs have drastically slowed down, and I think making it even more annoying and difficult to reblog posts will not help this problem.

Also, with xkit enabled, there’s a function that auto-loads images as you scroll, so the images are always visible BEFORE they appear on screen. I don’t have to look at the colored boxes and wonder if this is a post I’ve already seen or something I should sit and wait for. Don’t even think about watching tumblr videos. Loading priority is given to the ads that you cannot pause or dismiss, so that video loads and plays in choppy two second bursts instead of being given priority. Since that’s the content I am actually here to consume, it kinda makes me want to do the opposite of patronizing anyone who advertises here with graphically intense ads. And then when you scroll away, with xkit, gifs and videos you’ve scrolled past STOP loading and playing, which I think might be contributing to the intensity of the resource hogging that’s literally melting down my laptop.

And for reference, I have a pretty decent little gaming laptop. A blogging platform shouldn’t be driving it to the brink of frying itself. I didn’t realize just how much xkit worked to streamline this and provide basic functionality to this site.

*And lastly, if you're an XKit user, know that the XKit team is working hard to update things on their end to make it compatible with the beta dashboard.

And this doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what I’ve lost without xkit. And this is a really REALLY garbage response to user complaints. “Oh, yeah, sorry we made our site suck even worse, but those nice people who do our jobs for free will surely fix our garbage soon!”

Dear wonderful people at @new-xkit-extension, I love you, and I miss you, and while I wish xkit worked with this beta version I’ve been forced into living with, I truly feel for y’all who are trying to deal with this nonsense on behalf of all of us.

And to the folks at Tumblr... maybe try to just... make your site actually more like xkit. You know, actually functional. None of these special new features are useful or functional to me. I respectfully request for a fourth time to be removed from this inane beta test.

Give us OPTIONS. Let us display ALL THE TAGS without having to click a button. Let me have back my Activity+ that actually allowed me to interact with people from my dash! That showed me real-time inline notifications in a way that I could reply to with a single click! Bring me back to my column of open messaging conversation icons so I have easy access to the people I talk with throughout the day instead of closing them all every time I refresh the page. I already feel socially isolated in freaking quarantine, please stop shutting off all my avenues of communication!

Let us have pagination! I mean, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to force heavy users of this site into a beta version that doesn’t allow us to opt out until your engineers had actually figured out how to make it work in a very basic way.

*Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with!

YES. PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS BETA TEST NOW. I have let you know exactly what I want from this site. I just want it to ACTUALLY WORK. For someone who spends 12+ hours a day on this site, this beta test version is NONFUNCTIONAL. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT. I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. I WILL ACTUALLY PAY YOU CASH MONEY TO ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT OF THIS AND GO BACK TO HAVING A FUNCTIONAL BLOG AGAIN. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

PLEASE! 

I AM OFFICIALLY AT THE END OF MY PATIENCE FOR ENDURING THIS NIGHTMARE.

(one final quick note... I’ve only been back on my dash long enough to make the parenthetical edits-- i.e. adding italics that don’t display and then adding the asterisks at the beginning of each section of quoted text, and already my laptop is overheating again. For reference, I originally typed this entire post from within my tumblr inbox page-- which still functions normally with xkit-- and spent over an hour on it. My laptop was fine the entire time. Clearly the issue is this beta version of the website. I will never forgive tumblr if y’all fry my literal only portal to the outside world at this time. PUT ME BACK TO NORMAL NOW. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING AND ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE. Thanks)

(oops apparently i lied... when the asterisks and the previous final note failed to display, I thought that seemed suspicious, and realized that I literally needed to refresh my entire dash in order to see edited changes. Funny how xkit enabled me to do that in real time, which is just another bit of functionality I’ve lost with this beta program. Please guys, this is really, really not working for me at all, just put it back.)

[thanksjro]

Spotlight: Trailcutter - Trailcutter Threatens to Kill Several People For a Good Noodle Star

The Spotlight issues- the one-shots that focus on a single character in an effort to get readers interested in them (and sell toys, of course)- are a funny thing. The ones relating to MTMTE characters within the timeline of MTMTE’s events were written nearly a year after the events during which they are set.

The Spotlights as a whole don’t stick in my brain terribly well, and that’s probably because when I first read IDW’s run back in 2016, I went by publication dates instead of story chronology. I don’t think that really leaves itself for a properly cohesive reading experience, at least not in this particular case. It doesn’t help that a lot of the other ones weren’t super awesome reads, in my opinion. Spotlight: Cyclonus isn’t exactly my favorite thing, for example.

The Scavengers storyline gets interrupted anyway with the Annual, so I figure I might as well slot these in here as well. Really, I should have covered this between MTMTE #5 and #6. Well, technically, I don’t have to do anything in any order, but it’s what I would have preferred.

Anyway, let’s see what's up.

Looks like the Lost Light’s seen better days. It’s had a hole punched in the side of it, and Trailbreaker’s been asked to use his forcefields to keep the vacuum of space from doing its thing while all the Headmasters slap some duct tape on the rip.

No, they aren’t actually Headmasters in this continuity, but it’s not often Highbrow gets to exist in the story proper, so I figured I’d take advantage of that.

Rodimus, impressed by the quick response to the damage, decides he’s going to hold a little ceremony for the boys- not Trailbreaker though, because I guess nobody told Rodimus he’d pitched in too.

Soak it in, Highbrow, because this is the closest thing to main character status you’ll be getting this whole comic run. Be mindful up there now, because if Chromedome turns too fast he’ll take your head clean off with those massive shoulders.

Each of them receive a Rodimus Star, a medal with Rodimus’ face on it signifying that the owner has done something exemplary to earn it. It is in no way shaped like a star.

Trailbreaker, bummed out that he wasn’t recognized for the work he put in, decides to drown his sorrows at Swerve’s, which at this point is still technically not on the up and up and is running illegally. Unfortunately for Trailbreaker, the afterparty is also being hosted here, so he’s not actually escaped anything.

Off to the side, Chromedome and Brainstorm are chatting with Tailgate, who notes the theming of the award-winners’ names, and thinks it’s very funny. Chromedome explains that they’re actually nicknames, from when they all worked together.

Back at Trailbreaker’s table, he’s trying to keep himself entertained, when Whirl happens. Whirl, being Whirl, makes a rude comment about his face, claiming he has an expression he makes whenever he uses his forcefields. Trailbreaker denies this, but he totally does.

Whirl asks what’s eating at Trailbreaker, not that he really cares, and after a bit of hemming and hawing, finds out that Trailbreaker’s really bothered by the fact that he was the only one on the repair team that didn’t get a star. As it turns out, Rodimus has been passing these things out like hotcakes, because Whirl’s got one too. Pretty much everyone but Trailbreaker has a star at this point.

Whirl decides to cut out the middle man and yells at Rodimus to get his McDonald’s-looking butt over here and proceeds to cut to the heart of the matter.

Implying that Drift doesn’t already have twenty Rodimus stars for just existing.

C’mon Rodimus, just give him a star. You obviously ordered way too many if you’ve given one to Whirl by this point, and Trailbreaker’s obviously feeling low.

Whirl, not satisfied with this answer, decides to inflict his special brand of help on Trailbreaker, and decides that it’s time for a little self-improvement.

But y’know. Not like he really cares.

Totally.

The first step in the Whirl Self-Help program is to throw away your old identity while insulting/infatuating over Ultra Magnus.

Now the Spotlight subtitle makes a lot more sense. Trailbreaker/Trailcutter is one of the many characters within the Transformers franchise who suffers from trademark issues, which is why he’s got more than one name. We’ll see him flipflop between the two in MTMTE- or rather, other characters flipflop between them- OR RATHER Roberts flipflop between them.

As is, Whirl takes to the change immediately, probably because he himself has gone through the process in the past.

So, talking yourself up is the next step, but Trailcutter doesn’t really want to reinvent himself, per se; he just wants to be a little more than the guy who does forcefields. He wants people to see him for him, y’know?

Whirl thinks the answer to this conundrum is to get Trailcutter a gun.

They go find Brainstorm, who’s currently busy trying to figure out just what exactly the ship hit to punch such a big hole in it. They’ve brought in the big metal something, and he, Perceptor and a couple other nerds are giving it a good once-over.

As Whirl gushes over Brainstorm’s many inventions- lot of love coming from Whirl this issue- Brainstorm questions Trailcutter’s desire to get into traditional weaponry, seeing as he’s got some sweet stuff going on already, namely the forcefield thing and the magnawheels, which we’ll get to see in action later.

Trailcutter leaves to go take a depression nap.

When he gets to his room, he finds his roommate, Hoist, to be absent. Hoist is off on his own adventure, which is covered in his very own Spotlight. Of course, because Trailcutter is playing the buttmonkey today, he still doesn’t get left alone, as he receives a call from Swerve, who’s probably super jazzed that he’s not the most beat-down character on the ship for once.

Swerve’s supposed to be doing a sponsored silence in exchange for a Rodimus star, but he’s find it very difficult, thanks to the whole “cannot shut the hell up” thing. Swerve, much like everyone with teeth in this issue, looks like he’s got a retainer in, showing that little bit of artistic license off as he asks Trailcutter for a favor.

And on that note, let’s take a brief look at the artist for this issue, Matt Frank.

Frank’s only worked on a couple other things within Transformers, one of which being the second half of the Animated comic “First (and Second) in Flight.” His style is very different from our regular artist, Alex Milne. While Milne seems to prioritize the more technical aspects of the Transformers designs, even in the relatively streamlined looks for MTMTE, Frank’s art is much more simplified, almost soft-looking. Characters look as if their faces would squish if you grabbed them by the cheeks. There’s a lot of expression, almost to the point of looking straight-up cartoonish. While I’m not sure that this style would have worked with the more serious storylines of this series, I think it’s a shame that this was the only entry from Frank that we got to see. It’s a little funky in spot, but I like how emotionally open it feels, if that makes sense.

Getting back to the story, Trailcutter hangs up on Swerve and plugs in for beddy-bye, wishing that he were a normal dude and that everyone would just shut up about his forcefields.

See, I told you- depression nap.

Trailcutter, feeling that something’s up- both with the ship and himself- heads out to find a friend. What he finds instead is profoundly disturbing.

Clearly there is a dark evil at work, if Huffer’s smiling. He shouldn’t be able to DO that.

Trailcutter wanders around the ship, finding more of the same strangeness going on: everyone is frozen in place, even Rodimus as he yells at Rewind over those snuff films Red Alert found, firmly setting this issue for having happened right before issue #6.

Trailcutter heads back to his room, and is about to answer a call from Hoist- who is still on that mission from before naptime- when a laser blast explodes his monitor.

Zounds! Some Decepticons have snuck aboard the Lost Light, and they’re looking for trouble. Thinking quickly, Trailcutter pops out of his hiding spot to forcefield the pair… except he doesn’t, because something’s wrong. His forcefields aren’t working.

The art’s a little hard to follow here, but it looks like Trailcutter just ripped Whirl’s tit-guns off and used them to shoot that guy. Radical.

With the enemy fully distracted, Trailcutter jumps over a chair and bolts for the exit, using his magnawheels and showing us exactly why they’re called that.

They’re wheels that act as magnets. That’s why.

He hacks the door to the medibay and uses it to kill a man, crushing his head, then gets the other guy with a pair of resuscitation pads. Day’s saved! Good job, Trailcutter!

Just kidding, we still have another half of this issue to get through.

The guy Trailcutter just knocked out with medical equipment gets a call. Good thing Trailcutter’s good at impressions.

Turns out, there’s a LOT of Decepticons on the Lost Light at present, and they’re after something in the shuttle bay. Looks like Trailcutter’s got some work to do. Might as well set yourself up for success, huh pal?

Gee, Brainstorm, wonder how much of all this nonsense is your fault. I’m going to guess at least all of it.

Trailcutter stocks up on the heroic necessities, and heads over to shuttle bay 3.

Lockdown’s here, and he’s brought a third of the villain lineup from Transformers Animated with him. Trailcutter brings on the bravado, dumping the two Decepticons he took out earlier on the floor and asking just what the hell these guys think they’re doing on his ship.

Lockdown isn’t terribly impressed.

Trailcutter, what the actual, genuine fuck is that even supposed to mean?

Stealing Whirl’s little talking-up speech, Trailcutter frames himself as friggin’ death incarnate, again not impressing Lockdown very much. Honestly, Lockdown just wants to grab that big ol’ something the Lost Light ran into yesterday and go.

That big ol’ something, you see, is a Titan thumb, and Lockdown and his crew are in the business of Titan hunting. Trailcutter makes it pretty clear that he’s not going to let them take the thing, seeing as Lockdown and his goonies are probably going to use it for nefarious purposes, and so seals himself in the role of the hero for the evening. He informs the Decepticons of his claim to fame, even though his forcefields still aren’t working, then pulls a little magic trick by turning off the artificial gravity for the room, claiming it to be the work of his highly-specialized skills. He lets them go up… then lets them come back down, hard.

Then Trailcutter ramps up the psychological manipulation significantly, using his anime eyes to convince Lockdown that he’s planted a tiny forcefield within his spark, and that he’s fully capable of letting it expand until it rips said spark asunder.

Lockdown and company get the fuck away from Trailcutter as fast as they possibly can, completely terrified and also maybe just the slightest bit flustered by our forcefield specialist. Once they’re out of sight, Trailcutter allows himself a moment to reflect on a job well done.

ARE YOU FUCKING-

Roberts, please, we can’t keep doing this. The sad, proud smiles, I can’t take them.

Trailcutter plops down in the captain’s chair to take a load off, only to get spooked by the hand of Rodimus clapping down on his shoulder.

Later on, Hoist’s returned from his mission to their room, and Trailcutter regales him with his tale of derring-do. Turns out that everyone being frozen was absolutely Brainstorm’s fault, and the only reason Trailcutter wasn’t affected was because he was sleep-forcefielding.

Of course, we can’t just let the guy be happy, now can we?

Okay. I looked it up, and it turns out, the British use “snap” when they’re in a situation where they’ve got the same X as another person, i.e. two people show up wearing the same outfit to an event, or some such. It comes from a matching card game. In America, we say “snap” as an exclamation, like “wow!” or “Jesus Christ!” or “dangit!” Snap is a very versatile word in the States. So there’s your little culture lesson for the day.

Trailcutter, sinking back into his sour mood from earlier, decides to go get plastered, because he has a drinking problem, but not before he goes to make a threat on Rodimus’ life over a goddamn sticker. Thus ends dear Trailcutter’s Spotlight.

[thatfairyfangirl]

Part Of That World Chapter 10

The bitter chill of winter began nipping at the autumn air as the crowds gathered below to watch the annual thanksgiving day parade. You, however, were nice and warm in the tower, face pressed against the glass of one of the windows watching with childlike wonder at the spectacle below. You could remember watching as a child always wanting a better look. And no look could be better that eye to eye with the giant balloons. Bucky turned glancing back to you with a chuckle and a shake of his head as he worked on stirring the filling for the pumpkin pie. Somewhere deep down he had to admit the childlike wonder held on your face right now was endearing. “Hey gills for brains you going to help with dinner or what?” He asked in a tone that told you he was joking with you.

“Screw that. I'm looking Mickey Mouse in the eye!” You called back.

“And that's great Ariel,” Tony said as he snuck a taste of the stuffing, “but it's time to pick secret santa.” With a roll of your eyes you pushed yourself from the window and dug your hand into the hat filled with names. As your hand rummaged through along with everyone else's you could feel the strong fingers of Bucky brush against yours. For a brief moment your eyes met as fingers pulled away from each other, clutching small scraps of paper with names scribbled on them. Bucky looked down to the paper, his heart not sure if it wanted to sink or do back flips as he read your name. You, however, grew a wide smile as you read Bucky's name, having the perfect gift in mind.

Christmas season in New York was nothing if not a whirlwind. Before anyone knew it the tree was trimmed and the city was covered in a blanket of Carols and Christmas snow. You sat at the table, enjoying the peppermint mocha creamer Tony had picked up for the day as you held back a laugh from seeing Bucky in his santa hat. “Hey robo arm,” you said softly between sips, watching him pour his own mug, “merry Christmas.”

He smiled as took a sip, removing the hat from his own head and placing it on yours. “Merry Christmas sharkbait.” The two of you shook your heads amused at the exchange.

All of the Avengers were adorned in their most festive attire as they gathered in the common room, boxes in hand. You both smirked playfully at each other as you exchanged boxes. Somewhere deep inside you were glad you picked his name, you wouldn't have known what to get any of the others. But seeing his face light up at the shiny paper and bows you almost felt bad. The smile on his face faded as he stared at a box filled with magnets and a note that read 'for your arm’. You grinned a shit eating grin up to him as you picked up the one shaped like a banana and stuck it to his shoulder. “There, now you're The Winter Monkey.”

“You're a little shit.” He couldn't help chuckling as he plucked the magnet from his arm. “Open yours.” You tore the paper to find inside an array of shells in all shapes and colors. “Now you don't have to feel so homesick all the time.” He chuckled at the joke. 

But the Atlantean in you was less amused and more shocked by the display. Did he know what this means? “I...I have to go.” You stammered clutching the box to your chest as you rushed to your room. 

“What the hell Bucky?” Clint exclaimed before going after her. “Hey?” He knocked gently on her door. “You ok?”

“No...yes…” you opened the door, looking up to your friend with sullen eyes. “I don't know.”

“What's up? Did he get you a dead fish or something?” He asked with a chuckle in an attempt to lighten your mood. You shook your head, showing him the box of shells. “Okay? I don't get it.”

With a sigh you set the box down and gestured for him to come in. “In Atlantean culture giving shells is somewhere along the lines of giving your sweetheart a flower.” You moved to your dresser, delicately picking up a small shining white spiral shell. “It means 'hey I like you, let's get together.’” You cradled the shell as if it was the ocean's personal gift to you. “My mom gave this one to my dad. It was my favorite story when I was a kid.”

Clint nodded seeing now why you were so spooked. “I'm pretty sure Bucky was just trying to make a mermaid joke at you.” He assured you as he rested his hands on your shoulders. “How would he know about mer-culture?” He asked pulling a laugh out of you.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next few days you couldn't so much as bring yourself to look at Bucky. He began to wonder if it really offended you that much. Even as they sat around the table planning their next mission you cradled in your hand your mother's shell. Sure, on one hand you were sure he didn't mean anything by it...but on the other hand you wondered if you were starting to wish he did.

“(Y/n)?” Steve asked snapping you out of your thoughts. “You good with this plan?”

“I'm sorry, what?” You asked as you looked up to Steve.

He once again explained that a diplomat from Wakanda was going to be aboard a river yacht for a political party,T'challa had requested they go in as back up. “You and Bucky will pose as party guests to keep a closer eye on him.”

“What? Why Bucky? What about you?” You asked with wide panicked eyes.

“Too tight. Besides, the shield will be too dead of a give away why we're there.”

“Clint?” You asked turning to your friend.

“Sorry kid. Me and Sam are your eyes in the sky.” Clint answered.

Steve looked between you and Bucky sternly. “Look. I don't know what's going on between you two this time but it's ending now. You're working together.” You both nodded.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

You grumbled to yourself as you struggled with your dress, wondering to yourself how people wore these things. “So are we going to talk?” Bucky asked through the door, already ready and starting to grow tired of waiting. “Or at least are you going to let me help you?”

“Fuck off Barnes. Definitely not in the mood for any of your nonsense right now.” You snapped defensively. Your eyes closed as the gravity of your own words weighed on you instantly, knowing this was neither the time nor the place for another petty argument.

“What the hell is wrong with you? I got you shells! It's not like I went out of my way to insult you like you did to me!” He barked back, his pride hurt. “Just let me help you put on the damn dress before our guy gets killed and we're not there to stop it.”

“You don't know that! You know nothing about where I'm from!” You screamed back as you finally got the dress on.

“What Maine?” He barked back finding himself getting heated over this. “You know what?!” You swung the door open your hair pinned up in a classic style matching the aqua and silver dress exquisitely. “WHAT?!” You demanded, leaning partially out the door. The dress was very streamlined, yet flowed the further down it went, no doubt hiding weapons holstered to your legs...as if you'd need them on a yacht like this.

Suddenly he was caught off guard. Suddenly, even through the folds of your brow created in anger you looked so perfect, as if he had gone back in time. “You're lovely.” He sighed, stunned by the sight of you, wondering if you knew the dress was stylized after one Ginger Roberts wore in an old Fred Astaire flick. 

You stood there a moment blinking in surprise. That was nowhere near how you expected that sentence to end. Your eyes narrowed looking over him trying to find the angle he was playing at but all you could think of was how dashing he looked in the suit with his hair tied neatly back. With a shake of your head you pushed the thought to the back of your mind. “Don't try to flatter me Barnes. I won't be made a fool of tonight dancing with you.”

With a raised brow his head tilted a bit. “What do you mean?”

“I can't dance.” You admitted looking over to the wall, not ready to face him.

With a sigh he tapped on his comlink. “Hey Hawkeye everything quiet out there?”

“Like the grave. What's up?” He answered, just a voice in your ear.

“Maelstrom is having trouble with her dress. Can you buy us an hour?” He's taught girls to dance in less.

“You got it. Honestly I'm starting to think T'challa might have been a little paranoid calling us in.” Clint answered before shutting the com off.

“You could have just said so.” He said as he stepped in close, wrapping an arm around you. For a moment you struggled against him, trying faintly to push him away. “Stop...just once, trust me.” He assured you taking a step closer, nudging you to take a step back as he gently moved your hands around his waist and shoulder. Soon you conceded to the movements he made, allowing him to lead you in a simple waltz. Now you could see the side you saw Halloween night...charming and gentle...this was the side you liked.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Clint and Steve both stood in the common room pacing the floor, well past 3am. The mission had been over for hours yet you and Bucky were nowhere to be found. Until you came strolling in with Bucky's arm around your shoulder. “What the hell happened to you two?” Steve snapped with a tone more worry than anger.

“Uhh… after the all clear we decided to go out dancing.” Bucky answered as you slipped from his arm.

“Sorry Steve. We should have checked in.” You added before moving to head back to your room, opting to deal with this fall out later. Right now you were too exhausted.

“No!” Clint snapped following you down the hall. “You don't get off that easy little mermaid!” He said as he caught up to you by your door. “What's going on here? Last I heard you two hated each other. You never shut up about how awful he is and now I’m waiting up for you to finish your after mission date with him”

“Date? No we were just having some fun…” You glanced down the hall toward Bucky’s room. “You really think it was a date?” With a groan of frustration Clint hit his head lightly against the wall.

Meanwhile back in the common room

“So you going to tell me what's going on  here pal?” Steve asked with a half grin as he folded his arms.

“Nothing is going on Steve.” Bucky answered with a blissful smile. "(Y/n)'s never gotten to go dancing before...turns out she likes it." 

“Oh come on Buck I know that look.” Steve insisted, refusing to believe him for even a second.

“We just danced.” Bucky assured his best friend with a smirk before turning to head to his room.

[nochedura]

bane “nochedura” bane timeline of events

so the thing about bane is most of the shit written with him in it is a) racist, b) ooc, c) a horrible mix of both, or d) uses him because of his status as Bat Breaker as a way to show someone else’s strength which is often times not realistic (ex. theres a new villain in town and to show how tough they are they clowned on bane). a lot of interpretations tend to forget he is brawn And brain (tbh i tend to write him as a strategist first and a fighter second) and its all just a mess.

this interpretation of bane is an attempt to right these wrongs and also streamline his canon a bit because we All Know comics are a mess and extremely inconsistent but especially with characters who don’t get their own titles. nochedura is an anti-hero and also currently on the path of redemption. obviously he’s still not nice and has done a lot of Fuck Shit but yknow. who hasnt.

with that in mind this is a very broad timeline of events that have happened to this bane in particular (with the links to the comics accompanying these events) to clarify what the heck is happening with this man and why he’s like this. im taking a lot of liberties here but fuck everybody im god. without further ado.

bane is born in pena duro. he grows up under the prison’s influence, gets a vision that he was born to rule and in order to become his ideal self he must kill his fear (which takes the form of a bat, obviously), spends 10 years in the cavidad obscura* after killing a man at 6 y/o, and comes out the biggest and the strongest. he trains his body and his mind (by reading thousands upon thousands of books) as he pursues self actualization. he learns from his ally bird that the greatest city in the world is gotham and it is ruled by batman and he decides to break out of prison and kill him to take gotham by force. he is selected for venom experimentation and is the only survivor of the drug’s intensity. the venom aids him in his efforts to get to gotham (if you read nothing else on this list read vengeance of bane #1 (+ 2) because its Good and its required bane reading material)

bane relocates to gotham after kidnapping and killing pena duro’s warden and studies batman. he’s able to figure out his secret identity within a few months and unleashes everybody from arkham city with the intent of mentally and physically breaking bruce so that he can kill him. this culminates in the final confrontation in which batman isn’t even strong enough to fight back and bane decides that killing him would be a mercy and breaks his back. (knightfall is long and incomprehensible so i’ll just link the directory page and broken bat #11)

bane rules gotham for a while and its sexy up until batman’s replacement azrael clowns on him. the fight’s pretty sexy but honestly i dont care about this that much. (he who rules the night #11)

after losing to azrael bane does some silent contemplation in black gate prison. he was taken off of venom cold turkey and suffers through crippling withdraws but he, and i quote, “bears the pain.” he realizes venom was, in fact, poisoning him and taking him further away from his Ideal Self. he finds out venom is being further distributed and after some nonsense breaks out of prison Again to track these clowns down. he has a confrontation with bruce who he tells he has no qualms with, decides he wants to find his father, and presumably goes back to santa prisca. this is also the beginning of bane coming to the conclusion that he’s an innocent man which comes up later. (vengeance of bane #2)

so this is where im Really taking liberties. this is what i’m choosing to call the switcheroo arc where i clown around and decide im in charge and im going to make this more comprehensive. bane goes to santa prisca and gets told that there are five men who could be his dad and it probably takes some time to narrow down that list (while also finding out who each of these men are) so i’m declaring that’s what he’s doing for a while. this search is ongoing and doesnt stop until, well, he finds him. he’s still a villain at this point even though he claims to be innocent.

this is also where he’s knocking out some loose ends. specifically he tracks down a reporter who interviewed him as a teen and murders him for knowing something that could paint him as sympathetic. (batman secret files #2)

it’s at this point that he joins up with the secret six. he probably does this for the purpose of networking and garnering information, but then gets sort of swept up in everything and grows extremely attached to scandal savage, who he takes in as an adopted daughter. secret six 2008 is long and has a lot going on but its a good time. (SPOILERS) at the end of it he convinces everyone in the group to go on a suicide mission with an ulterior motive of severing his attachments to them because he feels that his affection has weakened him. everything goes according to plan and he breaks out of a police van and fucks off. (/SPOILERS) (secret six 2008)

after some time away from all that he gets into a feud with ra’s al ghul who wanted bane as his heir but some bullshit happened with talia, i forget, this doesnt matter to me, what Does matter is he’s now on a crusade to fuck up all the lazarus pits for funsies. this is also the point where he realizes one of the men on his Dad List is thomas wayne. he confronts bruce about this and everyone in the batfam is, understandably, cross. but bruce is nothing without his rehabilitation shtick so he goes crime stopping with bane in the batmobile until the results of the drug test come out and thomas is not, in fact, the father. this absolutely crushes bane for reasons he doesnt understand (he’s a lonely man and it turns out he Does need a family) but batman tells bane if he proves he’s Actually innocent by, yknow, stopping crime rather than doing crime, then he’ll help him find his actual dad. he agrees, but uses... unconventional (read: horrific) methods. (gotham knights #33-36) (tw for rape)

bane continues fighting crime and trying to prove his innocence and change/redeem himself up until he actually finds his real dad who is.......... king snake! who at this point in the canon is really fucked up and somehow alive in the himalayas and is just a real mean son of a bitch. bane is conflicted because like, hey cool, a dad, but also, he kinda sucks! bane’s kinda fucked up himself because he’s been climbing up a mountain and he’s a little brain sicky so i think hes just like... trying to absorb everything and then the bat crew shows up because they do Not like the idea of bane finding his dad who is king snake who is also at a fucking lazarus pit. king snake gets pissed when they show up and starts attacking and almost shoots batman but bane, distraught, jumps in front of the bullet and takes several in the back, lamenting that he wishes thomas was his father and not king snake. king snake ends up getting killed(?) and batman dunks bane in the remainder of the lazarus pit and gets brought back to life, reborn and changed. (gotham knights #47-49)

at this point this is just. my own writing. i guess. but after bane, yknow, literally died for bruce, bruce realizes that bane truly has bettered himself and is on the path of becoming a good man. he welcomes bane into the vigilante side and, eventually, to the batfam itself. when a man breaks your back and then takes several machine gun bullets for you a few years later i figure batman’s like... alright we’re square. comics are like that.

this is also where bane realizes he was wrong to cut ties with the secret six and seeks out scandal savage and her wives and brings them back into his life as his adopted daughter (and daughters in law)

so bane’s just... clowning now. he’s still like, brutal, and when he’s fighting baddies he’s not opposed to just Wrecking their shit (see: the time he used one of mr. freeze’s goons’ freeze gun on his arm) and i think he definitely does some murders but only if it’s like. the sort of bastard who really deserves it(tm) so like. mass murderers. the joker. sex criminals. etc. he’s not always in bruce’s best graces and he’s still on THIN ICE with dick and tim and the rest but its a work in progress. he’s trying.

anyway i left out a Lot of shit because like. theres a lot. but this is ... the basics believe it or not tl;dr bane is a good man born into horrific circumstances and he did a LOT of bad shit but he’s working on redeeming himself.