#just to be somebody’s person
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My best friend is a saint. I love her so bad. You’re not reading this but I love you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. I could marry you. I could die for you. I could live for you. I want to be buried facing each other, stacked like pancakes. I love you.
#myyyyy babyyy myyy baby#I was never very good at making friends#but I think she’s probably the person I’ve needed my whole life#it’s like I’ve been speaking a dialect no one quite understands#and she’s the first person to#idk#I love her#I tell her every day and I get worried it loses meaning or something#she lives in another state but we talk every day pretty much all day#once she sent me a package full of things she had made#floral resin bookmarks#bundles of sage and flowers from around her place#and a little booklet she made#TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING#THAT IM THE FIRST PERSON TO UNDERSTAND HER#idk. idk. sometimes we’re just watching a show together 1000 miles apart and I get so overwhelmed with love#just to have a person ya know#just to be somebody’s person#yeah.#trash bin tag
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regina spektor is a violent zionist, but i don't think it's constructive or honest at all for people to be like "well her art was always bad anyway." some terrible people have made great art. This idea that artists with unsavory morals can't make good art (1) only feeds into some people's mindset that if they dislike something, that MUST mean there is something ideologically wrong with it, and (2) some people then take longer to realize the true colors of their favorite artists because... good artists can't be ethically bad right?? and so they hang on to their faves and pretend they are so righteous and defend their every move when sometimes. sometimes you just gotta accept that your favorite art was made by somebody you don't agree with, and you have to identify how much you are willing to support someone like that and what lines you have that can't be crossed
#personally i've stopped streaming regina spektor because i don't want her to financially gain from my support#and i also can't get myself to listen anymore to her music that i've already previously purchased just bc i've been so turned off by her#like as a person#but she's had some bangers and i mourn for them#on a smaller scale like. doja cat for example. love her art. not sure about her as a person#but it hasnt crossed the line for me personally and so i continue to listen to her music#somebody shut me up
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happy halloween! 🎃🐈⬛👻🐇
#i just wanted to draw emu as a jiangshi .#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#polysho#enjoy halloween everynyan unfortunately i have to go work a shift. i thought abt dressing up for fun when i get back#but 1 im lazy 2 i dont live alone and its my luck that somebody ends up knocking when im in the middle of being dressed like a clown#so i would rather not risk it. idk how people get into cosplay just for photoshoots/videos i dont have that conviction .#but halloween con was lots of fun and i got to see friends and trade candy so i enjoyed my celebration already. ^_^#also STOP BEATING THE SHITNOUT OF ME IDEK IF I CAN BOOO BACK FROM A SIDE BLOG. YOURE KILLUNG ME#once again some random guy will be hittimg you back. boo#to end my tags i am going to be pissed off because i cannot draw well rn and its KILLING MEEEEEE#im art blocked as hell and mad about it. my zines....#its so annoying like with my personal art its whatever but people spend Money on zines i need to get good.#its been like over a week so i thought inwould be free. sigh#i often draw emu fiending off of tsukasa. the way things should be. amen#also inthink rui would love to go all out for costumes but he got busy modding a tshirt launcher to shoot candy and forgot abt his costume#so hes a tuxedo cat. he thinks hes so funny
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Periodic reminder that unless a person specifically and clearly tells you it is okay to tell others they are trans or queer, you should err on the side of caution and assume they do not want you to tell people (especially random people!) about their transness or queerness.
You have no idea, generally, why somebody doesn't talk openly about their trans or queer status, and you have no idea, truly, how somebody might react to that information. The most progressive person out there is still capable of harbouring incredibly negative thoughts about somebody's queer status.
#lesbian#gay#bi#bisexual#trans#transgender#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ally advice#inspired after somebody at work outed me (again ×3)#i don't care how 'safe' you assume they will be! you cannot TRULY guarantee their safety!#you are effectively gambling with somebody's safety by assuming you can out them#also even if their safety was somehow 100% guaranteed it is still not your place to dictate what others know about THEM#like it isn't your own information you are giving out. the other person is a real human being with real thoughts...#...and there are real ramifications to your actions! this is like... real life and like... real people#anyway. i'm still fucking horrified at how cool people are (at least wrt me) with outing others 🙃🫠#and it just... further reminds me that others see me as like... a thing to be talked about/over and i'm not seen as an autonomous human#maybe that's not their intentions 9/10 times but that still doesn't justify it nor does it change how i interpret that behaviour 👍#it's just dehumanizing imo to be reminded 'your comfort DOESN'T MATTER. i think you should be talked ABOUT not TO.'#clarification for the first tag: this is the THIRD time somebody has outed me. i NEVER talk about being trans to... pretty much ANYBODY irl#it's shit like this that i have to resist taking the 'doompill' over#because it's scary and dehumanizing every. single. time. i feel so fucking scared each time#because - AGAIN - i know my safety will NEVER be guaranteed because i am trans and queer
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can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…
avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.
avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.
avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.
avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.
avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).
avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.
and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.
#this post was brought to you from the Looking Over My Shoulder Frozen In Fear Because Of The Whispers™️ position#which is. quite a common position for me#im honestly kinda nervous to post this bc i feel like somebody’s gonna be like ‘thats not avpd!’ or ‘thats not schizospec stuff!’#but oh well. that’s just how it is on the internet#i also feel a little weird about the wording bc i don’t really see avpd as an outside force that Makes Me do things#but it’s 5am and im too tired to think of a better way to say it#poss.speaks#discussion#avpd#actually avpd#actually avoidant#avoidant pd#avoidant personality disorder#cluster c#schizospec#schizophrenia spectrum#schizo spectrum#schizotaxic
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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What if I'm the Monster?
(Based on Monster from Epic the Musical, it's incredible, give it a listen)
So! For the past few years, Danny has done nothing but defend Amity Park from Agressive Ghosts, Lunatic Ghost Hunters, and the GIW, all on his own. But no matter what he does, he is always seen as a Monster by the people of the town, just for being a Ghost.
Over the years he has lost a lot.
His Best Friend. His Mentor. His Mom.
Tucker was caught by the GIW and arrested for helping Phantom, and was never heard from again. His Parents still visit the Mayor's office for any word of him, but no one has any idea what happened.
Danny and Clockwork had a falling out after Danny refused to go down his intended path. He wanted to live his own life, one not predetermined by a Time God. Clockwork had told him that he would regret the decision, and left.
And his Mom had died after discovering his secret. She had surprisingly accepted him, but then the GIW had tried to capture him and she decided to defend him, and she got caught in the crossfire.
Every time Danny tried defending the people of Amity Park, he was vilified and hated even more. He would never be a Hero in their eyes, he was no Justice League. He had lost so much just defending them, but he couldn't bring himself to resent them, they didn't know what they were doing, it was how they were supposed to think. He still needed to defend them.
But he could no longer do so acting as the Hero.
Being a Hero stopped him from raiding the base that he assumed Tucker was being held in. Being a Hero led him to disagreeing with Clockworks advice. Being a Hero led to his Mom's death.
So he would be The Monster, instead.
#Dpxdc#Dp x dc#Dc x dp#Dcxdp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#Epic the Musical#Monster#This is based on the song “Monster” from Epic the Musical#Danny decides that he has had enough being the Hero#The town hates him but he doesn't resent them for it#He still wants to save them and decides that if being a Hero isn't working he just needs to become the Monster instead#Dead Maddie Fenton#Missing Tucker Foley#Idk if he should be dead or not#Danny refused to follow Clockworks advice and let somebody die instead of saving them#He saved the person and accidentally set himself on a bad Timeline#Clockwork is Mad#Big Mad#Go and listen to Epic the Musical#It's genuinely incredible and so are the Animations done by the Talented YouTube Animators like Gigi#Not much DC in this one again but I thought the concept was cool
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at this point i don’t even have any commentary to add to this. i’m just tired.
#there was a thread i saw right before this#where a transmasc person was talking about their body and referred to it as having not been female in a long time#and somebody replied saying that they were confused when they read it#because the trans people on their timeline are almost always transfems so they just assumed that person must be too#like even though they were talking about their body in a way that clearly indicated transmasculinity#this person still thought ‘why would a transfem be saying this’ before they thought ‘maybe this person is transmasc’#some of y’all really do not see us as part of your community at all and it’s exhausting#even to other trans people we don’t exist (unless it’s convenient)#examples of transandrophobia#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia#transmasc erasure
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[The Cursed, Unwanted Child: Ostracised by the Village]
#jujutsu kaisen#ryomen sukuna#jjk sukuna#sukuna#jujutsu kaisen fan art#fan art#my art#jjk#heian era#king of curses#true form#og sukuna#somebody said its Sukuna Angst hours#and i took that personally#This time i tried myself to do something a liiittle bit more different#and in a limited time#and also apologies if the blood looks weird i don't really draw blood or gore often if at all#but yes if Gege's not giving us Sukuna's backstory any time soon then i'll just start speculating#this is connected to that brainstorm post i made in the past#i'm so exhausted =_=#i wanted to add more details but like i said#i has ran out of time#V_V#jjk fan art#kid sukuna
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#been meaning to draw this for like. months#just now bashed thru art block to do it#hell yeah#anyway someday i'll probably stop drawing them to mountain goats lyrics. but not today!#somebody shower me with praise about the chainmail I’m so pleased with how it came out#personal#spaceman.art#spaceman.merlin#merlin#merthur#merlin bbc#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon
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thinking now abt how one of the first things Anya says in the entire game is (paraphrasing) how she doesnt beleive people are their worst actions.
how she says that to Jimmy, of all fucking people.
like, ik in context shes referring to why Curly would have crashed the ship. but like. just thinking on that after the game being completed/watching a play of it gives you. a lot to think on.
#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#jimmy#like. i understand the desire to un-person somebody who did horrible things.#i too wish to explode jimmy for the things he did.#but like. we get to have a distance from the events of the game that anya just does not#we know how terrible jimmy is by the end of the game and how giving that guy any grace. is not a good idea to put it mildly.#but i dont think i can blame her for wanting to give others the humanity she was denied
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💊 cradle pharmaceuticals
#zero escape#zero escape spoilers#9 hours 9 persons 9 doors#ace (999)#gentarou hongou#nagisa nijisaki#teruaki kubota#kagechika musashidou#this blog a little dead#but people were recently reblogging my old zero escape art#and i realised i never uploaded this#done for the morphogenesis zine!#who is the target audience for this image#me and the 4 other ace guys#a couple hongou/nijisaki shippers maybe#rolling up my sleeves somebody's gotta do it#in the long hindsight since the series ended i do wish we'd gotten a bit more info about cradle#and ace's games with gordain#but thats just my bias#zero escape i love youuuu
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Game-night in the batfamily has got to be crazy. You're putting a bunch of geniuses against each other and that's asking for chaos to happen.
#And when they play team up games they have to make a toss-up because they cannot decide on the teams#Nobody wants to play with Bruce except for Cass#Or Tim and Dick also if they feel bad enough#Jason wants to play with nobody#Damian thinks he could do best alone#but he would choose Grayson if he needs to#He can't tho because they make it random#Duke has no personal issues with anybody so he's a safe option for a team-up#Jason Tim and Damian however...#Steph enjoys those nights the most#Along with Dick#Except they enjoy it for very different reasons#Steph and Cass always want to be a team#That's why they need a toss-up#(Nobody likes the toss-up but Alfred started it for fairness in the game)#Tim has the worst luck so he's gotta be really smart with his moves#Or cheat without being noticed#Both work depending on who he's playing with/against#You would expect Jason to be the cheater but he's weirdly fair...#(He's a petty loser tho)#(Specially when Bruce wins)#Dick is just trying to avoid conflicts between siblings while also being the biggest asshole of a big brother whenever he can#Give Alfred a break#And somebody get Bruce out of there he's too old to play (Jason probably)#dick grayson#bruce wayne#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#batfamily
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I've seen people make human AUs and equate Winter's scavenger fascination with being like. a crazy cat person. and while that is really good and I do think Winter would and should be crazy about cats, I do think like... if you are going to give him an equivalent interest you gotta go nicher than that. Like, being a Cat PersonTM is a thing like half the population identifies at. You GOTTA go stranger. He needs to be regularly attending reptile conventions. He needs to daydream about owning a praying mantis. He needs to yell at underpayed PetSmart workers about how small the fish tanks are that they keep the bettas in. He needs to be offered the chance to hold a snake and he needs to talk to that snake like he's greeting the queen. He needs to show you photos of tarantulas please please please look at his pictures please of his tarantulas
#in my. non magic AUs I mean where the scavenger characters just kind of stop existing as opposed to like. the scavenger characters Are The#Animals because I think the ways that get handled can get pretty dicey really quickly especially depending on the like#type of animal one picks to do that with if you don't make them just The Dragons Instead which I think is more appropriate#wings of fire#wof#human wof#winter#winter wof#i don't mean to imply that fish are a weird pet to keep but i do mean to imply that like#being a cat person is not necessarily a personality trait so much as it is a like... preference of a person. but if somebody told me they#were a “fish person” the way they would identify as a dog/cat person I WOULD count that as a personality trait and I'm saying whatever that#trait is winter has it
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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wilbur soot posting on his fucking ig story shouting out his new single and talking about touring and being done with his break. how is this guy still trying to have a career
#i watched somebody's screen recording of it on twitter#and god he just gives me the creeps now#personal#wilbur soot
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