#just some flying lessons with january

[shawnxstyles]

personal 3

DATE: JANUARY 8, 2023

summary: as you begin to build your confidence, you try to learn some things on your own to surprise harry. you know, just as a little thank you. meanwhile, harry finally starts to think your unspoken arrangement is a little too personal.

request: yes!!

words: 6k

warnings: SMUT (m-receiving [hand-job, oral], dirty talk), language, and loads of overthinking! (will probably have angst in the next part!)

note: PLEASE tell me how you guys feel about this!! comment/reblog/send me a message! PREVIOUS PART.

bestfriendrry x inexperienced!reader

—

It’s barely been a few days since you last saw Harry in person, and quite frankly, you’ve never noticed how much time has passed until now. Until your mind was constantly occupied with thoughts of his hands on your body and his sweet, cocky words in your ear. You wanted to be sick of it, wanted it to be done and through. But your brain just could not let go of his touch. You must have released too many hormones during all that touching because time has never felt so prolonged and stretched. You have gone weeks without seeing Harry before, and although you’ve missed him in the past, you’ve never connected every little thing to him. Certain words and objects somehow prime your memory directly to Harry. Even thinking of your doll collection back at home sends shivers down your spine. He has seriously ruined you, and you hate that you don’t hate it.

After the last time with Harry, you swore it was the last time. You didn’t say it out loud but in your head. You knew that if you explicitly told Harry that that was the last time that it would be the last time and he would never touch you again. No, not unless you asked, not unless you begged. Which he would enjoy too much. What you found out was that you don’t have enough self-discipline to tell yourself no. So, it only makes sense that you’re still agonizing over his touch and how rough yet soft his hands are.

God, why are you thinking of his hands right now?

Your laptop is resting on your legs, warming you up as you try to finish your mid-term paper. At first, your fingers were flying around your keyboard, typing your ass off to submit it. But now you’re barely halfway through and you can’t even comprehend the last sentence you wrote because you keep thinking about Harry. Somehow, you managed to connect some Shakespeare poetry analysis to Harry.

Come on, how does that even happen without conscious effort?

No matter how many times you want to call up Harry and simply ask him for another “lesson” you can’t. It just feels too selfish to you now. He may have willingly offered because he felt bad for you, but now, you feel bad for him because he has to teach you. Maybe if you guys had a set time for all this you would feel less guilty. A schedule, just like your lectures! Then it would be like a real class.

You would never skip.

But you do recall the last thought that you had when you were with him. Would it really be so bad to learn the giving side of sex? Isn’t that the main reason why Harry is teaching you? Firstly, he wants you to understand your own body, which you feel pretty confident with after his sweet praises and words. Oh, and you won’t forget how he made you stare at yourself (or really him) in a full-body length mirror the first time. Yeah, that definitely still gives you chills. And a newly-found level of self-esteem, which is why you feel confident enough in your decision.

You’re going to do a bit of research on your end of the deal. A deal that is unspoken, so therefore, has non-existent rules. You and Harry never specified if you could pleasure him, but you would be getting the experience you needed, so what is the harm? It is in the unspoken rules. So, you’re going to surprise him with what you’ve learned.

After you finish your paper, of course.

Ugh.

–

Watching a variety of porn videos was extremely weird because you were watching them for a different reason than what they are made for.

Your eyes were straining at your laptop screen as you carefully inspected all the women’s actions. Sometimes, they would unbutton the man’s pants, sometimes they wouldn’t, but they always sank to their knees with their eyes on him. The women spit on their hands and stroke gently, or they would just put their mouth straight on him. It caused you to blink and swallow in fear because what if you didn’t like it? What if it tasted so horrible that you’ll never want to suck another man off in your life? What if your lack of blow-jobs is the reason you don’t have a boyfriend? Or why you don’t have a future husband in the running?

This is why you cannot be left alone.

From all the women you observed, they all had seductive expressions and alluring features that you were almost positive you did not possess. They had the most perfect bodies and that effortlessly flowing hair and cute little moans and they knew exactly what to do. It may not be the best thing to base anything off of, but you couldn’t help but feel a little insecure. Watching the videos gave you a little more knowledge, but also made you feel a little more self-conscious about your appearance. What if Harry didn’t even find you attractive? He definitely doesn’t want some girl mindlessly messing with his dick, especially when it’s not erect (which you have learned in health class in high school thankfully). All those words of reassurement and praise, were they just for the moment? Just to make you feel good and that’s it? Did he mean any of it? You couldn’t even manipulate yourself to an answer.

God, sometimes, you just wish that he would reach out to you. Wouldn’t that make everything so much easier? You would never say no if he just texted you first. But why would he do that? He’s doing you the favor, so you would have to be the one to text him. Fuck, how did he go from your best friend to your best friend that you’re obsessing over because he’s really good at sexual things? Maybe he hypnotized you in that mirror.

–

Harry thinks he might just die. Not from school or work, but from you. Out of all his friendships in his lifetime, even his relationships, he has never been thinking about a person so damn much.

He’s been friends with you for many, many years, and Harry has never once thought of you in a sexual manner. Or even in a romantic way. When you two were growing up, he definitely noticed you having some changes through your teenage years as teenagers do. But even then he always knew you were just friends. And that’s all it will ever be, so he never saw through that wall. Men are simple creatures; Harry realized you guys were friends, so that was it. End of story.

But for some reason, years later, he is being haunted by your sudden attractiveness? Harry’s not fucking stupid when he thinks this. You’ve always been gorgeous and funny and smart, so it made perfect sense why you didn’t have a boyfriend. You just checked too many boxes, right? The only possible solution of why men weren’t kissing your feet had to be because of your own expectations.

You’ve always been the kind of girl who thought every little thing to the tee. Harry even remembers you planning your wedding with your dolls when you were younger. You had a binder with all the people you would invite and colors that would decorate the walls of the church your parents got married in. Getting married in a church may seem basic to anyone else, but to you it was special because your grandmother also got married there. To you, it was a tradition, and Harry knows you love traditions and schedules. It’s like a plan that’s set in stone for you to complete. He just knows when you get married you’ll have the most thoughtful wedding because you would have put your heart into every single detail. You’re barely 22, finishing up your last year of college just like Harry, so you still have plenty of time to find your future husband.

Yet you think it’s the end of the world that you don’t have one in the running right now, and Harry has no idea why.

Thinking of the future like this used to make Harry feel happy for you because he knows it’s one of your biggest dreams, but there is something inside of him that’s blocking him from feeling like that anymore. It’s a nagging, sort of distant feeling in his chest that kind of makes him ill. He always knew he was going to be at your wedding in some form, but maybe he wishes it was…

No, that’s ridiculous. How did he overthink that much?

See? You’ve seriously fucked him up. This is exactly why he cannot text you. This is exactly why he cannot touch you anymore. No matter how badly he wants to. God, does he want to. You haunted his mind and invaded his soul until you were completely entwined within his consciousness, lingering like a flashbulb memory. He pitied you at first, so he wanted to help his best friend with her inexperience. That’s what friends are there for–to help you through the embarrassing times in secret, so when you go out into the real world it’s not so bad.

But now, Harry just wants to keep you for himself. He hates touching you knowing that it’s going to be for someone else one day. But he got too greedy to say no to himself, so he put you on his thigh the second day rather than fingering you. Fuck, he wishes he could slide his cock into you while whispering the sweetest and dirtiest words in your ear, just for your face to burn up in flames. He wants to hear your soft moans echo in the air from his cock because you want to be with him, not because you’re trying to “get better” at sex.

No, Harry doesn’t think he can do anything more with you without figuring his shit out.

–

Incoming call: Y/N

Harry wanted to answer it, but he hesitated too long. Fuck, what if you really just wanted to hang out this time? But fuck, he missed your touch. And your voice. And your face… How is he supposed to be around you without reaching out to caress you?

Missed call: Y/N

Voicemail: Y/N: “Hey, I just called to see what you were up to. I was just seein’ if you wanted to hang out. But clearly you’re busy, so it’s fine. I, um, have a surprise that I wanted to show you sometime. I… Well, I’ve been trying to learn some things on my own, if you know what I mean. I’ve been watching some videos, but you know, nothing is as good as a real life teacher! So, um, just call me back whenever you’re free. Bye!”

Harry was royally fucked. His mind couldn’t stop thinking about what you might have been learning about. You were also so cute in your voicemail that Harry just had to save it. He doesn’t think he’s ever saved someone’s voicemail before, but he’s never been more thankful for letting that call go to one. He took a single deep breath before he pressed the call button.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Doll. Sorry, I was in the shower…”

Now he has to rush to take a shower as you drive over to his house to present him with your little “surprise.”

–

As Harry stood up from his couch to answer the door, he regrets not jerking off in the shower.

He had an incredible hard-on, and it was embarrassingly from the voicemail. He was a little too excited for whatever your surprise was. You gave him no hint, but he’s assuming it has something to do with masturbating.

“Harry,” Your voice was chipper as you greeted him almost formally. But it was a little too high and squeaky. It was obvious to Harry that you were nervous, which made him feel a bit better in a way. You didn’t seem as distressed as you last had been, so maybe you did learn to get yourself off. Then you wouldn’t need him anymore.

That was the goal, right?

“Y/N,” he says as he widens the door and lets you in. You scurry past him and onto his couch, immediately heating up at the memory from before.

You swallowed the dryness that drained your voice, deciding how to bring it up to him. You take a deep breath and remember the confidence that he’s been trying to instill in you. You recall all the videos you’ve been researching and how assertive all those women had been. While you do so, Harry follows you to the couch and plops right down next to you.

If you hadn’t been so nervous yourself, maybe you would have seen how shifty Harry was. His eyes were darting all around, trying to look busy. His mind was scouring thoughts of things to say, but couldn’t settle on the right one. Maybe you’d see that he swallowed all the saliva in his mouth until his tongue was dry and he was biting his lip. Only then did you look up from your shivering fingers to see his bottom lip anxiously tucked between his bunny teeth.

“I wanted to talk about our…deal,” You started, tucking your calves underneath your body. Harry nods, but doesn’t say anything. “We never explicitly stated any details of what this contract entailed–”

“English, please, Y/N. You get all formal and chatty when y’nervous.”

Your skin heated, embarrassed. “Right… We never talked about what we were doing. So, if what I’m about to ask breaks some unspoken rule, just let me know. If you actually want to stop doing this, also let me know–”

“Just say it, Y/N.”

“I’ve been watching videos on how to pleasure you…” You speedily say, causing the room to go silent. You feel the heat from in between your legs grow whilst also flowing towards your neck and face. You wonder how hot a human can get before they just boil over and explode. Harry’s seemingly nonchalant face grows a smirk, which is comfortable to you now. “God, you’re a dick.”

After your mumble, you continue: “I felt… bad that you were doing everything. And I just thought that maybe I could learn something from this. And you could be… rewarded in a way.”

“So you’ve been learning what exactly?” His smirk never fades. Of course he wants you to be explicit with him, which you struggle with. He just loves making you nervous. He feeds off of it.

He’s selfish. He’s so selfish and he can’t control it. When he’s with you, it’s like driving a car without its brakes. He speeds right through all the stop signs without blinking twice.

Just one last time, he swears. Then he’s ending it.

“C’mon. Would it be easier to tell me or show me, hmm?” You swear his voice dropped an octave, just like your eyes dropped to the area on his sweatpants. There was a lump that you can’t recall being there before. Were you looking?

You took a deep breath and kept it there, unable to breathe normally at how straightforward Harry is. He’s always been like that, never changed. So why is he just now making you breathless?

Confidence.

“Okay.”

You move your eyes up to meet Harry, and he’s already looking at you. You feel your heart jump at his sudden stare, strikingly green and beaming with lust. Without removing your sight from him, you shift yourself off the couch and onto his carpet.

His eyebrows slightly raise as you hesitantly reach for the waistband of his pants. He’s enjoying this too much, he thinks.

“Go on. I want to see what you can do,” his simple words urged you to actually grab his sweatpants. As he lifts his hips, you yank the material down until his boxers are showing.

“Huh,” The noise left your mouth before you could stop it. Harry stares at you puzzled, blinking at you curiously. That’s the first time a girl has ever made that noise in front of him before. In this position especially…

“What?” Harry has never felt more self-conscious than right now. He was alright until you made that sound. That’s never something a guy wants to hear when a girl is on her knees in front of him.

“Nothing, I just took you as more of a ‘briefs’ guy.” Harry instantly felt more relieved.

“I’ave both. Haven’t y’borrowed my boxers before?” he asks. Your eyes widen as you look down. Maybe you have in the past, but the thought of that now sounds incredibly too intimate to you. Yeah, you’ll never be doing that again.

“Anyway,” You smiled forcefully while trying to rid the heat from your cheeks, “before I pull down your boxers, I have to ask you something.”

“Of course,” he agrees with sarcasm laced in his tone, which only makes you roll your eyes. You’re inches away from his cock, merely separated by a sheer layer of clothing and you have a question. He can bet it’s not going to be can I take this off now?.

“Do you find me attractive?” You had to ask. You bit the inside of your cheek, chewing on the nerves that you felt. Harry just stares at you, blinking. You always find a way to catch him off guard, he thinks. He doesn’t say a word, just two eyes lasering into yours as if he’s searching for the perfect answer. “It’s a simple yes or no. But if it’s a no, then I don’t want to do this. Because then you’ll be all-all soft in my hands or my mouth and then you’ll just be uncomfortable. Guys must not like it when they’re soft, right? You have to be hard, it means you like it… Right?”

When you got nervous, you got chatty. It was one of your most evident qualities. You had to fill the silence that Harry had created with his nonexistent answer.

Harry wishes that was a simple yes or no. Of course, he found you attractive, so yes. But only now are those feelings becoming more complicated, diverging from anything ‘simple’. It would feel like crossing a line if he said yes.

But Harry was great at brushing it off.

“Y’right. So why don’t y’pull these down and see for yourself, Doll?”

Your posture had been stick-straight and stiff unknowingly. But his hot words had your icicle-like spine melting in seconds, shivers cascading down your back like an avalanche.

You swallowed for what felt like the hundredth time since you’ve been here. You shifted on your legs on the ground, trying to get comfortable. You remind yourself that you are going to be confident and show Harry exactly what you have been learning. It should be simple. You should be able to do it without feeling all these emotions.

But it seems so hard when it’s Harry that’s tied to them.

Your fingers tuck into the waistband of his boxers and slowly pull them down. When the material is at his ankles, you finally acknowledge the hard length that sprung from beneath them. His cock was nothing like those porn videos. It wasn’t abnormally monstrous with loads of veins on the sides that looked impossible to fit into any hole. It wasn’t ugly and unappealing. Just the sight of his length alone made you want to touch him. Made you want to put your mouth on him…

You never thought you’d want to do that with anyone ever. You never thought you’d be attracted to that because of those unsettling videos. But of course, Harry is throwing you off, making reality much more fantastical and dreamy than it really is. How does he do such a thing?

You know whoever you fall in love with will not have a cock like this.

His tip was a dark pink with a smidge of wetness at the top. He only had one prominent vein that ran down the left side that was throbbing from neglect. You didn’t even notice your mouth watering, salivating as if you were classically conditioned.

“Does that answer y’question, Doll?” Harry was trying his very hardest not to stroke himself. Better yet, to come. The doe-eyed expression on your face was priceless and would forever be framed in his mind. The glossy, wondrous glint in your eyes screamed lust and anticipation. You seemed excited, but Harry could never be sure because he still feels a tad vulnerable. He’s never felt so revealed before.

He guesses with you it would have always been different no matter what. Because it’s you.

“Yes,” Your voice was quiet as you placed your hands beside his thighs. You were unbelievably nervous now. You were trying to recall what the videos did at this point in your head, but you lost your train of thought. You were literally entranced by his dick. Also something you never thought would happen.

“D’you know what happens now? Or do y’need some help?” he taunts, subtly squinting his eyes as he leans the slightest bit forward. He’s attempting to ignore the throbbing of his cock as you lock your stare into his eyes. It twitches, but he continues to neglect it. He thinks that if and when you decide to touch him, he will come on the spot.

“I know what to do, Harold.”

“Then do it, sweetheart.”

You repeat his words back to him, mocking his tone before spitting on your hands aggressively. Once you feel like they’re not as dry, you put one hand on him without hesitation. His taunting tone fueled you with more confidence than you would have thought. Your legs were tightly squeezed together, so you didn’t have to worry about the tingle that slowly began to throb between them.

Harry hissed lowly, followed by a gentle growl at your touch. Your hands were colder than he had thought, catching him by surprise.

“Holy shit, your hands are freezin’. How did I not feel tha’?”

“Shut up,” You grumbled as you continued to stroke him roughly, not really paying attention if it felt good. You’re annoyed with him because his dick is so perfect, and he’s trying to rush you.

“Hey,” his finger goes beneath your chin and forces your eyes away from his cock. You look into his eyes with a serious pout on your face. He wants to believe you’re truly mad, but he knows you, and he knows that you’re not. You’re secretly frustrated because you don’t know what to do now that you’re actually in the situation. And he knows you hate not knowing what to do. “You’re on your knees for me. Don’t forget where y’are. Now, show me what ya learned, pretty girl.”

His words never failed to make you dizzy. He might as well have put you on the teacups ride and then spun you in a circle. His finger was grazing your chin, and you felt as if you could melt in a puddle before him. He had you weak. He made you want to say yes, sir and obey his every command. Every drop of feminism left your body at his very words, your body going all in.

“Yes,” The s sounded slurred because the word sir nearly fell from your lips. It felt automatic, it felt right. But you didn’t want to cross any boundaries that you guys failed to cover.

Your hands continued to move up and down his length, feeling more comfortable with him in your hand.

“Can I…” You leaned forward, your mouth nearing his cock. He was leaking more than before and his tip was pulsing red. You didn’t even wait for his answer because you knew you already had his consent to do whatever you wanted.

Your mouth dropped down to his cock, sucking on just the tip. Harry doesn’t hold back his moan as it echoes throughout his living room, bouncing off his walls. You don’t move yourself any lower. You just swirl your tongue around the rutty tip and consume all of his juices. The taste wasn’t bad. Maybe a little salty, but it was nothing like you would have assumed. In a way, it was a little addicting. You had hoped that’s what cum tastes like, and you hoped that you would taste his.

Was that a weird thing to hope for?

“Fuck, Y/N,” Harry grumbled as his large hand slotted in your hair, in need of some stability. You didn’t mind, instantly loving the feeling of his hand on you. He didn’t pull or tug you, but just kept you in place. Almost as if he didn’t want you to go any lower in fear of you choking.

“Use y’hands for the rest,” Even with his eyes half shut, he was still able to instruct you on your technique. While his hand was strong, you went lower onto his cock, taking more into your mouth than before. The weight of his tip on your tongue was heavy and hot, but it didn’t stop you from slowly moving it in and out. Your hands eventually found a rhythm with your mouth, understanding speed and pace.

The louder Harry’s sounds got, whether they were breaths or moans or growls, hinted that you were in the right direction. You knew technique and skill was all learned from experience, but also being attentive to your partner. When Harry was pleasuring you, he always listened to you. Almost too well. Even just after a few sessions, he knew what got you off the fastest better than you ever did (obviously).

“Doin’ so good, Doll,” his fingers curled in your hair and you released some type of moan around his cock. The sound vibrated throughout his body, sending a shock to his core. “Gettin’ off on this, huh? ‘Course y’are. Just desperate for whateva you can get.”

Harry was completely right. Your clit was throbbing in your underwear and your nipples were beyond their peaks. But you didn’t seem as hopeless as you usually are because you finally had a reasonable distraction. Your neck was beginning to ache as your jaw felt like it was about to lock. But your hands never stopped, and your tongue continued to explore his circumference, even after swirling around it a million times.

Harry had been holding off for too long. He twitched every time he thought he was about to come, attempting to make it fade. But your mouth was just so warm, so wet, and so, so desperate to be filled, it was impossible to stay calm.

“D’ya want me to come, baby? Huh? Want me to come down your pretty, little throat? Gonna swallow it like the good girl you are, right? It’s the last step,” Harry was nearly choked from the way you moved on his cock. Yes, you were sloppy, but you were determined.

He could feel your nod along with the halt of your hands. You rested your hands on his bare thighs, clawing gently at the tiger tattoo. To his shock, your mouth went as deep as you could go, his tip nudging the back of your throat. He felt your gag, which he had expected for how fast you went down on him. Just as he was about to pull out of you completely though, you persevered, which made him go over the edge.

Before he knew it, his orgasm was spurting down your throat, coating your tongue. When he was all empty, you finally pushed him off of you to catch a breath. Harry was still in shock. He did not expect you to exceed your own limits and swallow all of him without hesitation. You have always had a good work ethic, though.

“Holy fuck, baby, are you okay?” Now, his hands grab your aching jaw in concern, pulling you up to sit on the couch. You didn’t realize how much your knees were going to hurt, but now that you’re up, all you are is achy.

The pet name made your skin hotter than it already was, wondering if he realized what he had just called you. Maybe it was an accident, but it had your heart accelerating at a speed that did not seem remotely healthy.

“Y-Yeah,” You croaked out, throat immensely dry. Harry quickly puts his boxers and pants back on before leaving to the kitchen. You’re left on his couch in shock while you rub your aching jaw.

Harry’s back with some water that you chug without thought. He can’t help but chuckle a little at your nature. He observes you doing a simple task, drinking water for your parched throat. But even with the mundane action, he’s somehow in awe. When you seem finished, you put the glass down and look at him.

“Well, that was difficult,” You sigh, leaning back on the couch. You believe that if you just pretend that what you’re feeling is normal then everything is normal. Harry’s concern for you still echoes in your head; the word baby is never going to be the same.

“I bet,” Harry’s response was dry, but only because he feels like he has to.

“Was it… horrible?” You asked, cringing in fear of his response. You know Harry’s going to be only honest, which means he could be brutal.

It felt way too fucking good for your first time and made me see you in a way I’ve never seen you before is what Harry wanted to say. But he settled with, “It was fine, Doll.”

“That’s it? Oh, c’mon! Give me something honest. I need to learn, don’t I?” You sounded like a little child. Harry rolled his eyes as you scooted closer to him on the couch. He swallowed at the proximity, which you didn’t bat an eyelash at. “C’monnnn.”

Truth be told, your heart was still racing, but you were too immersed in how off-put Harry seemed. You liked that he didn’t have some charming, witty comment hanging off the tip of his tongue. It was enjoyable to watch him get a little nervous.

“Don’t be so stiff,” his arm falls on the back of the couch, “probably why y’neck hurts so bad.”

“Pfft. My neck does not hurt,” You bluffed as you rolled your eyes, avoiding eye contact. Harry knows you too well, though, and didn’t believe you for a sliver of a second.

“Really.”

“Mhm.”

His hand moves to cup the back of your neck, absorbing its warmth. It was almost embarrassing how hot your neck was, flush with the aftermath of sucking him off. You won’t lie and say that it wasn’t attractive. You won’t lie and say that you didn’t get off on it. Everything that Harry had said had been true. It was evident that you were turned on by pleasuring him, just like he you.

You swallowed with his hand caressing your neck. His soft touch slowly turned into a gentle massage, squeezing the aching muscles between his fingers. You couldn’t stop the whispered moan that left your mouth at the relief. The slight roughness from his callouses was doing wonders to the soreness at the base of your neck. Your eyes had shut now, fully encompassed with his hand rubbing your skin.

If it didn’t feel so good, maybe you would worry about how this is too intimate and you too were way too close. But his touch wasn’t as electrifying as it was calming right now, soothing you until your mind’s thoughts were lulled asleep. You were amazed at how his hands could be both. You felt your shoulders drop in peace, teeth pillowing into your lips.

You weren’t conscious of all your movements, but each made Harry go mad. His touch was simple and light, but he could see it really relaxed you. Maybe you weren’t just sore from this, but from school as well. Sometimes, Harry felt like he hadn't talked to you as much because you too were so busy doing… this.

You guys lost time to just being friends.

Maybe Harry was too in his head, but he hated that. He hated that you hadn’t been texting him as often or even coming over as much. Every time you did now, it only had to do with sex. Don’t get him wrong, he loves that, but with you, it’s always more. It’s always been more. And he hates that there’s no ‘more’ anymore.

Should you two stop doing this? Harry already feels guilty enough. He feels selfish because he wants you in ways he knows he can’t have you, so why is he tempting himself? Each time you come over he knows what you want and he selfishly gives it to you because he convinces he’s doing you a favor. At first, he innocently was. But now, he doesn’t see you as a friend as much as something more. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to back petal his way back into a comfortable friendship with you as long as this continues. Losing his best friend because he was horny and thoughtless is unreasonable to him. That’s what it is, he concludes. That he is just horny, and he’s thinking with his dick.

But there’s a certain pattern of his heart that continues to beat your name in a rhythm that’s new and unfamiliar to Harry.

It feels like a crossed line, a boundary overstepped. If he were to officially cross the line, you would have your back turned on him unknowingly because there is no way you feel the way he’s feeling. He fears he is subconsciously trespassing an area of your friendship with these feelings that are bubbling in his chest. It’s hard for him to say he’s just a horny college boy when it comes to you, but that’s all he’s got.

Harry was so caught up in his head, he hadn’t realized how close you two had gotten. Your face looked beyond serene, basking in the warmth and comfort of his hands. But Harry felt guilty. He couldn’t stop feeling selfish for touching you, even if it’s what you wanted. You don’t know his intentions, so each massage on your muscles feels wrong.

Suddenly, Harry removes his hands off of your shoulders and your eyes peel open. You sigh with a gentle smile on your face, very thankful for the time he put into massaging your neck.

“Thank you. I guess my neck did hurt a little–”

“I, um, actually forgot I have work,” Harry blurts as he removes his hand from your neck entirely. Your smile fades as you shake your head. His words brought you back to reality instantly, taking you away from your sweet serenity. One where his hands are on you all the time, lulling you to sleep whenever you’re stressed. It was a great daydream, truly.

“Oh. Yeah. Did you say that before?”

“Don’t know. Must have slipped my mind. Sorry,” His responses were short and clipped, a tell that something was up.

“Hey,” You stopped him from getting off the couch. The worry laced in your voice seemed to slow him down. “What just happened?”

With anyone else, he would ask what do you mean? as if the other person was stupid. But he knew you weren’t stupid, and you knew exactly what was going on. Something had changed within that moment and you weren’t just going to have him kick you out because he had some random thought.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. M’sorry,” he sighs, shoulder drooping.

You no longer felt serenity as the words fell from his lips. It’s always your best friends that know where it especially hurts. Right after you have done something vulnerable he drops that shit on you. Unbelievable.

This is why people should never do sexual shit with their best friends. Or better yet, any of their friends. It’s just way too complicated. It can never be as simple as a favor.

No, it’s way too fucking personal.

—

AHHH HOW DO WE FEEL??

taglist: @whoreonmondays @armystay89 @meighasfangirldiary @icumforbaldrry @luvonstyles @bisexual-desi @littlenatilda @crybabyddl @tiaamberxx @alwaysclassyeagle @raajali3 @likeapplejuicenpeach

crossed out= not able to tag

[lulublack90]

Prompt 14 - Massage

@jegulus-microfic January 14 Word count 638

It had been a gruelling week for James. It was, of course, of his own making. He was up every day at the crack of dawn, including weekends, for a run around the grounds. Then, straight into a team Quidditch practice. His day would then be split between lessons, homework, pranking and meals. Then, finally, a quick solo flying practice before he settled down for the evening.

He was always proud that his body could just keep going. No matter what he did, he could always do more. That was until a mistimed dodge of a Bludger twisted his back and caused him a lot of pain.

He spent an absurd amount of time in the shower, the hot water pounding into his lower back. He did feel better for a while after that, but by the evening, his back was so sore and stiff that he decided not to go for his evening flight. 

Instead, he flopped down, face first onto his bed, trying to stretch his back out. It didn’t help. He groaned into his pillow. He was so uncomfortable. 

Regulus walked in not long after. They’d given him the password to Gryffindor Tower at the beginning of the year. There had been a few grumbles, but Sirius had managed to quell most of the unrest using his natural charms. The majority of the Gryffindors thought the Black brothers had made up and wanted to spend time together. Only a few in the know knew the truth. Regulus was here mainly to see James. 

He wandered over to the bed, tilting his head so he could see James’s face better.

“What are you doing?” He asked. James grunted as he turned his head to talk to Regulus.

“I hurt my back. This is the only comfortable position.” Regulus hummed as he thought. He left James and went into the bathroom. It wasn’t long before he returned with a bottle of baby oil that he had stolen from Sirius’s collection of products. 

“He’ll kill you if he catches you messing with his lotions and potions,” James murmured. Regulus scoffed. 

“I’m using them on you. I hardly think he will care. Now, take off your shirt.” He ordered as he started rolling up his sleeves. James rolled over. With some difficulty, he unbuttoned and slipped his shirt off his shoulders. 

Regulus carefully climbed up onto the bed and straddled James's legs. Settling himself on James’s thighs. 

“This ok?” Regulus asked James as he shook the baby oil bottle before opening it and pouring a small amount into his hands. 

“Uh-huh.” James had closed his eyes. The slight pull caused by Regulus’s weight on his thighs was pulling his back muscles but in a good way. 

Regulus rubbed his hands together, then got stuck in. He gave a good massage. When they had been young, he’d massaged Sirius’s sore body after his punishments. After so many times, he’d gotten really good at it. 

He’d barely started when James started moaning. The sounds only got worse. If anyone came up the spiral staircase now, they’d think Regulus was giving James the time of his life. 

After a few minutes, the noises stopped, and James’s soft snore escaped his mouth. Regulus continued kneading James’s back until he felt the knots relaxing. 

He got off the bed, being very careful not to knock James as he did. He returned Sirius’s baby oil before his brother noticed. James was right. Sirius would kick up a stink if he saw Regulus with it. He went back and gazed at James, sleeping soundly. His back must feel better as his face was soft and untroubled. He bent down and kissed James’s forehead before leaving him to sleep. He went downstairs to spend some time with his brother. He had to keep up appearances, after all.      

[shina913]

Flowerworks | KNJ

Flowerworks

Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

Rating: M (SFW)

Genre: Exes; pure angst; fluff

Warnings: a lot of angst; pining; meet-cute; suggestive language; missed opportunities; vague infidelity

Word count: 4,241 words

Summary: “The love you had in your past...unfinished, untested, lost love...seems so easy, so childish to those who chose to settle down. But it’s actually the purest, most concentrated stuff.”

A/N: This story was inspired by an anthology series that I had binged while I had Covid back in January this year. For a while, I've been wanting to do a rendition of that but I wasn't sure which member to 'cast.' But Indigo has such a great inspiration so I've revisited this draft and thought Namjoon would be the perfect angsty main character here. Also, Kelly Price's rendition of As We Lay was a good inspo for this as well, except it's got none of the spicy stuff and you're left with all angst!

A/N2: I've never been to the UK or Europe 🤡 so a lot of this is just talking out of my ass hoping it would make for an interesting backdrop. I apologize for any geographical inaccuracies. This isn't the first time I've mentioned Juan Luna in my fics--I just thought, wouldn't it be cool if Namjoon studied Filipino impressionists🤪. Anyway, hope the story still lands! 💙

“Thank you so much for the presentation, Dr. YLN. It was so refreshing to hear a new take on a subject that’s so rarely…uhm, what’s the word…”

“Discussed? Thought of?” You finish their sentence for them. You smile warmly at a young journalist who was covering your lecture as part of a feature piece they were doing for a magazine. After the program ended, they decided to come up for a side conversation.

“Yes, that’s right,” the journalist says. “Your perspective is so fascinating to me. I mean–when we were in grade school, these lessons were just so repetitive and boring. It’s practically a bird course,” they chuckled.

“Right, because you’re supposed to just fly right through it?” You joked. You, too, had that impression when you were much younger. 

“Your research style is so much more interesting. I was elated to find out that you’re the historical consultant on that ‘Ilustrados’ series!”

You tried your best to stay humble but deep down, you were still pinching yourself about getting to work with a major studio and top-tier production team. “I saw it as a great opportunity for us history and literature majors to flex a little, you know?” Then you caught yourself and laughed. “Oh my god, that sounded so nerdy,” you flushed.

“Not at all! Don’t be too modest,” they giggled. “I think it’s great that we get to give stories like this a new angle.”

You smiled and mouthed your thanks.

“I’m curious, do you remember what or who inspired you to pursue history as one of your fields of expertise?”

You grew flustered then blew out a quick breath. “Wow, uhm…nobody’s ever asked me that!”

“I don’t have to include it,” the journalist adds.

Your brows furrowed. “Include what?”

“That story that’s written all over your face,” they say with a knowing look.

“Oh, well…I think I’ve always been on track to study literature in some shape or form. That was my chosen major in college. Pursuing a career in history, however…was a happy accident,” you recall fondly.

They smiled excitedly. “Please tell me more,” they urged.

You stifle a grin. It was one of, if not the most unforgettable time in your life. If you could ever capture lightning in a bottle–that was the moment to do it.

You began, “He was an art history major spending a year in France while I was a language and literature major spending a semester in London. I met him while on holiday at a cafe in Paris–” 

“Hang on! I think I’ve heard this story before!” They interject.

You give them a confused look. Up until this moment, you’ve only spoken about him to your former flatmate and a couple of close friends. “Y-you have?” You ask slowly.

They let out a soft chuckle. “I’m sorry, I’m kidding! Is that real?”

You laughed. “Yes, yes it is!”

“You know, most people are like–we met in college, lost touch for a while, then ran into each other on the street years later and had coffee.”

“Well…it does sound like quite the Hallmark movie plot, huh? The place we were at was certainly the perfect backdrop for it,” you smiled at the memory. “But, as unbelievable as it sounds, if it weren’t for him sparking my…” You cleared your throat, “...Enthusiasm in the subject and history in general–I wouldn’t be in this position today.”

It was indeed a serendipitous time in Paris, which began as a casual encounter over drinks, then eventually led to hours of exploring historic art districts with him. The day trips around the city certainly brought your interest in history to a whole different level.

“W-what happened to him?”

You shrug your shoulders. “After my break, I had to return to London. He wanted to come with me but he had some travel commitments with his fellow students. We agreed to meet at my place but–it just…didn’t work out for some reason.”

The journalist listened intently, indulging you in your story.

“I don’t know what happened. I thought we had a great connection. I mean, wasn’t that as perfect an opening to a relationship that you can get? Back then, I would go back and forth trying to think about how different it felt for me than it did for him.” 

For a moment, you felt yourself slip again. But as you had done for the past several years, you smiled and shook your head to brush the memory aside to lock it away. Then, at your most vulnerable, you can unpack it again. You wave them off, “Anyway, that was such a long time ago, though!”

“How long?” They ask curiously.

“10 years,” another voice answered.

For that fraction of a second, your heart drops to your stomach, and you’re afraid to look up. This has to be another figment of your imagination. Still, you couldn’t help thinking about the times you wished to hear that voice again.

The journalist steps aside to clear the path. You finally peer up, blinking a few times to assure yourself that this was real.

There he was, standing in front of you–your lightning in a bottle…Namjoon. He had the biggest smile on his face and it was just as warm and bright as you remember it. 

Suddenly feeling that they’ve intruded in a special moment, the journalist excuses themself and thanks you for the lovely conversation, promising to send you the initial draft of their feature via email.

As stunned as you were, you managed to string some words together. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”

“Hello, YN,” Namjoon greeted you as he moved closer.

“H-hi.” You were shocked to hear how calm your voice sounded when all you wanted to do was melt into a puddle.

You both stand in front of each other not knowing whether to shake hands or hug. Before you knew it, you were throwing your arms around his neck to embrace him. You feel his warmth envelop you, hearing him sigh faintly into your hair.

“It’s been a long time,” you say after pulling away. “Weren’t we supposed to meet in London?”

//FLASHBACK

When you met in Paris, he was only one of the handful of patrons who spoke English at the cafe. You don’t know how exactly your conversation began, but he started spouting some facts about craft beer as opposed to wine–and tried to convince you that one was better than the other.

After a few spirited arguments, you agreed to settle things…back at his flat, which was a block away from the cafe. Your worked out your differences in opinions in bed, eventually agreeing to disagree after he made you orgasm.

He later confessed that the spontaneous debate was a pickup tactic from him. He thought he was being clever but never expected you to offer up some valid points. But you told him that you thought he was cute so you were all-too-willing to be reeled in anyway.

Though you were on break, he was in the middle of his school term and had to spend time traveling within the city to check out recommended sites to fulfill his course requirements. 

He invited you to come with him on a day trip to check out the former studio of an artist who turned out to be instrumental in their home country's rebellion. You were apprehensive but came with an open mind--and you never regretted it.

You spent the evening at his place once more...and a few more times after that. Your favorite thing was waking up next him in the mornings, exchanging innocent kisses in bed that always escalated to the point where one or both of you would end up moaning each other's name.

But when you weren’t in bed, you spent many hours just talking. He was so passionate about his studies as much as you were about yours. The way he spoke about art, its origins, and inspirations was so reverent, it was fascinating to experience a drop of his enthusiasm.

The day you had to return to London was difficult, not just for you but for him, too. He and a few of his fellow students were supposed to travel to Rouen and spend a few days there to check out some impressionist exhibits recommended by their teacher. He planned to take the ferry to visit you right after.

When you arrived at the train station, he noticed that he lost his phone somewhere between the ride from his flat to this point. You dug into your bag and retrieved an old receipt where you wrote your number and address down. He took it and slid it in between his book that he carried with him. Then, on the week that you were supposed to meet, the borders shut down.

//END FLASHBACK

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Mm-hm…you better be,” you respond wryly.

He rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. “I, uh…missed my alarm then, got caught up in the border lockdown. Before I knew it, I was stranded in Normandy for a bit before the school managed to make arrangements to get us back to Paris then back home.”

You’ll never forget it, since you, too, were stuck in a foreign land so far away from family.

“How come you never called?” It was a question that niggled at you for years.

He chewed at his bottom lip helplessly. “In the midst of all the chaos, I misplaced my book–the one where I kept that receipt where you wrote down your information.”

That all sounded too easy and far-fetched. But in the week that you spent with him, it wasn’t that hard to believe. He nearly left his passport behind at the bar that first night before going back to his flat; Once, he got off at the wrong stop after mixing up north and southbound trains.

You sighed. “Well…you’re here now. That’s all that matters, right? How did you know I’d be here?”

He smiled wistfully. “I saw your picture in one of our e-newsletters I get at work,” he answers. “I normally send those straight to my trash but something told me that I needed to take a look at it and…I’m sure glad that I did.”

That made your heart flutter. You made a mental note to thank the university’s Communications team for convincing you to do a headshot to promote the lecture series.

“Do you live around the area? Are you local?”

He shook his head gently. “No. I made the trip out here because I wanted to come see you.”

Your mouth falls open at his confession. “O-oh.”

“I wondered if I could take you out for dinner? There’s a bistro that I passed not too far from here. U-unless…you’ve already eaten–”

You snorted loudly then interjected, “Oh, please–you know I could always eat!” He laughs hysterically.

******

“Have you ever gone back?”

His eyes flick up at your question but the look he gave told you that you didn’t need to clarify it further.

“Mm-hm,” he answered affirmatively before adding, “Not as often as I’d like, though. And you?”

“Yeah,” you reply. “Actually, a year after travel restrictions eased up, I went back right away.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Really?”

You nod and look at him enigmatically. “I went straight to Villa Dupont.”

Remembering the area so clearly, his lips twitch at the thought. “Luna’s atelier?”

You nodded again. He sat back on his chair then interlocked his fingers behind his neck before he tilted his head against them. “Wow. That’s…amazing!”

“What can I say? That’s where my career started,” you quipped.

“And here I was, thinking that I was such an idiot for taking this beautiful girl on the most boring, mind-numbing walking tour of Asian impressionist artists.”

You both laughed, but those walks with him were one of the best memories of your time there.

“Anyway, I came back a few more times after that for my doctoral dissertation. And now here I am, giving lectures on it.”

The look on his face showed pride and admiration. All those hours you spent talking, you both shared your dreams and hopes for the future. You both had your head in the clouds…just two kids trying to justify the relevance of your respective liberal arts programs.

“That’s amazing. Consider me envious,” he says in jest. “You’re traveling around the world…and living your dream.”

You wave him off. “It’s not so glamorous. These days, I’m happy if I get to squeeze in some personal time. Usually, I get to a place, spend most of my time working and…” Your eyes drift down to your left hand, picking up your drink, “...then I have to get back to my family.”

He follows your line of vision. It wasn’t the first time he’s clocked in the piece of jewelry you’ve worn for a number of years now. He noticed it when you took the menu from the host after they sat you down at your table. 

He hadn’t asked about it then, nor did you ask him about the ring that he wore on his finger when he moved his wine glass to the edge of the table when the server returned to pour him a glass of red wine.

You cleared your throat. “So, what else have you been up to these days? Are you just calling up former lovers?” You teased him.

A low laugh rumbled within his chest. “I’ve only ever had one former lover,” he held up one finger and stared. It was so unnerving, you had to break eye contact first. “Then, I got married. Really quickly…to the first girl that I met a year after I got back from France.”

You couldn’t hide the shock written all over your face. “Wow,” you managed to say. “That’s…” You try to think of a word that didn’t sound too reproachful. 

“Crazy? Impulsive? Yes. I was really young and I thought the world was ending. I just didn’t want to lose anybody again.” he trailed off. 

You and your husband were together for five years before you even thought about getting married. Maybe you were unconsciously holding out hope that you’d run into Namjoon again.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and smiled sadly at the thought, but that was quickly interrupted by the server bringing your dinner to the table.

******

You go through the rest of dinner talking about your most recent work and him sharing some of his more recent projects. When the server returns to dish out your plates, they ask about dessert. Namjoon declined but immediately looked at you.

“Oh, no thank you,” you declined politely.

Namjoon’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Who are you? I could have sworn that moelleux au chocolat was calling your name,” he teases, remembering your favorite treat that you indulged in while you were together.

“Shut up,” you laughed. “We’re not 21 anymore. You can’t…eat chocolate cake just like that.”

“Not even in bed?” The soft crinkle in his eyes deepened as he smiled cheekily. 

You try to put aside those memories of chocolate and him. You cock a serious eyebrow at him, his expression unchanging. “Nope, not even in bed.”

You fall silent for a bit. Then he asks, “How many kids do you have?”

“Two girls. You?”

“I have a son,” he answers.

“Must be blissful to just have one,” you commented, polishing off your wine.

“Oh, trust me,” he says, picking up the bottle to pour you another glass but you hold your hand up, feeling like you’ve had more than enough for the night. “He’s still a handful, though.” he laughs, proceeding to empty out the rest of the bottle’s contents into his glass.

“But he’s my handful, so…” he trailed off, setting the empty wine bottle on the table.

“Are you and your wife still together?” You thought maybe the question was out of line but curiosity was getting the best of you.

His expression turns wistful. “We live under the same roof, let’s put it that way. She’s a great woman, a good mother. And I don’t deserve her.”

You smiled sadly at him, then stared at him silently. You begin to question why you even decided to come with him. Perhaps it was all a big mistake.

And yet, even though it's been so long, your memories of him were so incredibly vivid that you could just reach your hand out and you'd feel them. Feel him.

“What are we doing here, Namjoon? Why did you show up at my lecture? What did you hope to achieve?”

“Honestly?” His eyes flicked downward and he began to fidget with a loose thread on the table cloth.

“When I found out that you’d be in town, I booked a room within five minutes.” He chuckled. “I didn’t even care if the rate was ridiculous…”

Then, his gaze lifted back to your face. “I was hoping that we could pick up where we left off."

Your hand instinctively clutches at your chest. Your heart was beating so fast, you were afraid that it would just burst out of it.

"For 10 years, I imagined what our life would have been like. And if I ever saw you again, would I feel the same way about you? Would you feel the same way about me?”

You purse your lips and lean in closer. “You didn’t need to book a hotel room to find out if we still love each other…” You paused, then gave him a small smile. “Because clearly, we still do.”

His lips curved into a smile and the dimples in his cheeks grew deeper.

“For 10 years…Just the idea of you, knowing that you existed and that you were in my life…I held onto those memories and they got me through some tough times.” Your throat tightens but right before your tears fall, he reaches across the table, holding his hand out, beckoning you to put your hand in it.

After some hesitation, you acquiesce. He gives it a gentle squeeze, then brings it up to his lips to kiss it. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

******

You took a leisurely walk by the avenue and into a small pub a few blocks away. You shared a few more drinks and stories. For hours, you caught up with each other’s lives. 

You excitedly talk to him about your new television project while he enthusiastically describes recently studying works by the late Yun Hyong Keun, even developing a friendship with his family.

Art was Namjoon’s pride and joy. His eyes, though the corners were now wrinkled with laugh lines several years later, still lit up the same way when he talked about his passions and the things that he loves.

When one pub closed, you moved into another. And when that closed, you moved your conversation to a park bench, right outside of your hotel by the waterfront.

It was a little after 5:30AM and daylight was breaking through the horizon. Most of the town’s commercial avenue was still asleep, save for the cafes that were gearing up for a new day for early-morning patrons.

When you sat down next to him, he lifted his arm up, inviting you to sidle up closer to him. And you did. You basked in his warmth and rested your head against his chest. You caught a whiff of him…cinnamon and coffee mixed in with faint traces of lavender-scented fabric softener. Even though you felt fatigue set in, you couldn’t close your eyes. You crane your neck up to find him sitting still with eyes closed while the sunrise kisses his face. Now, how could you possibly miss that?

******

You head back into the hotel and go up to your respective rooms only to retrieve your things so you could check out and head to the train station.

“You don’t have to take me, really–”

“I know I don’t have to but I want to,” he insisted.

You laugh at him. “You’ve gone and rented out a room that you didn’t even sleep in. Now you’re saying that you’re going to take the train with me, see me off at my stop, then transfer at a station that’s completely out of the way for you?”

He laughed in return. “It sounds so crazy when you put it that way but…yes, I want to do all that.”

You shook your head at how ridiculous that was. “Joon…”

“Please? Just let me do this,” he all but pleads.

You wanted to protest again but instead, when you open your mouth, a yawn escapes you.

“Look at you…that’s like, the fifth time in a row you’ve yawned,” he snickered.

“Spare me,” you chuckled with a slight eyeroll. “I know we barely slept when we were together. Now I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“Dawn is for lovers…and bakers,” he adds with a grin while his eyes peered up at a bakery that had just turned over its ‘open’ sign on the front door.

Your cheeks flushed with warmth. “You always had a way with words.”

“Things haven’t changed much,” he replied as you made your way out of the hotel to catch a cab together.

******

Hours later, the train approaches your stop, and you begin to gather your things.

“Thank you,” you say to him.

He smiled wordlessly then dipped his head down. You didn’t stop him and instead, met his kiss halfway. Warmth bloomed within your chest when your lips brushed against each other’s. In an instant, you had traveled back in time…back into his embrace. It was like coming home.

The train comes to a halt, making you bump against each other. Pulling away, you stare at each other with half-lidded eyes. Both your pulses raced but ironically, there was a calm that washed over you.

Neither of you said anything for a few beats until a smile broke through his lips. It’s so infectious that you do the same. He leans in again and plants a soft, lingering kiss on your forehead. You find yourself squeezing your eyes shut.

When he lets go of you, he looks into your eyes again. “We should do this again.”

His invitation was so unexpected that it knocked the wind out of you. You give him a small smile and a nod. “Sure, just call me.”

“I definitely will. You know, since I have my phone with me now instead of an old receipt,” he says.

You gather your things and off-board the train hand-in-hand. You put your luggage down then faced each other on the platform.

“So…have a good life!”

Your comment tickles him. “‘Have a good life’?” he echoed. “That sounds like something people say when they won’t see each other again.”

You didn’t really mean anything by it. You thought it sounded better than saying, ‘That was fun,’ or ‘Take care.’

You chuckled at him and shrugged. “You never know what could happen between now and the next time we see each other again. I could die; you could hit your head and fall into a coma; another border lockdown could happen, or…maybe one of us decides that they want something else,” you reply casually.

He took a step to narrow the gap between you. “I’ve always loved your wild imagination,” he says, tucking a few strands of your hair behind your ear.

You grinned at him. “So you’ve told me.”

His expression turned serious. “Well, none of those things will happen. We’ll see each other again.” he promises, keeping his eyes locked with yours.

You nodded softly and gave him a small smile. “Alright.”

His smile grew wider and you tilt your chin up to kiss his lips again before his train home arrives on the other side of the platform. You watched him board and saw that he sat by the window seat, his eyes still on you.

True love in its absolute form has many purposes in life. It’s not just about bringing children into the world; or romance or soulmates or even lifelong companionship. The love you had in your past...unfinished, untested, lost love...seems so easy, so childish to those who chose to settle down. But it’s actually the purest, most concentrated stuff.

For years, you imagined what it would be like to see him again. To learn that things hadn’t changed and that spark between you was just as bright and electric as when you first made eye contact.

And while you were happy to learn that he still felt the same way, just like any spark, there’s a brightness for a few seconds…before the wind blows it out. Like a firework that shoots up into the sky, bursting into different colors, only to fall back down as smoke and ash. Like a bolt of lightning, crackling through the storm clouds, followed by a loud thunderclap and a burst of rain.

Up until the last few hours, you realized that something this good can only last for so long. 

You had your beautiful moment with him. And that’s how it will always stay in your heart.

When the train rain pulls away from the station, you feel a twinge in your chest. You blew him a kiss and stood there silently until he was far enough away from you.

He waved at you through the window then turned to look straight ahead.

“Have a good life, YN,” he whispered to himself.

Crossposted on AO3 | Main Fic Masterlist

You’ve reached the end! Thank you so much for reading!

If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜

Tagging: @internetjunkdrawer @deepseavibez @itdoesntmatterwhy @joonschocochip @yu-justme @e-cm

[elminx]

Energy Update: December 2023

December is a “1” Universal Month [12 (December) + 7 (2023) = 19 = 1+9 = 10 = 1+ 0 =1] in a “7” Universal Year. Things have come full circle and we are back at the beginning all over again. “1” months always represents a beginning of some kind but this one will be bookmarked by “9” months on BOTH sides of it because 2024 is an “8” Universal Year which will make January a “9” Universal Month [1 (January) + 8 (2024) = 9]. This coincides well with December’s dubious honor as holding our fourth and final Mercury retrograde of the year which will transition Mercury, Jupiter, and Neptune out of retrogrades, effectively ending our retrograde season on 1/1/24. We are almost there. But, not yet.

The Set Up

We begin the month of December with the Sun and Mars in Sagittarius, Mercury and Pluto in Capricorn, Venus in Libra, retrograde Jupiter and retrograde Uranus in Taurus, and Saturn and retrograde Neptune in Pisces. Over the course of the month, the Sun will enter Capricorn, Venus will enter Scorpio and then Sagittarius, and Mercury will cross back and forth over the Sagittarius/Capricorn border three times. Additionally, three of our planets will station (change directions) – Mercury will station retrograde, Neptune will station direct, and Jupiter will station direct. We are exiting a sixth-month-long retrograde cycle, as of 1/2/24, only one single planet will remain in retrograde motion (Uranus).

The Nitty Gritty

December is a month that traditionally begins with a lot of warmth and joy (Sagittarius/Jupiter) but can often end in more solemnity than people like to admit to (Capricorn/Saturn). Where Sags sometimes seem to fly in the face of consequence, Capricorn stews in it. I say this because this switch-off between these two signs this year may be especially contentious for many and, for the most Mercurial of us, it will happen more than thrice. Mercury alone is going to make this journey three times (twice in December) but the Sun, Venus, and Mars are all soon to follow. That’s…a lot. If things are getting a bit serious and NOT festive this month, know that you are right one time.

Not only does Mercury enter Capricorn on 12/1 (an augury of the month ahead as a whole), but our planet of communication, technology, and travel immediately comes into a heavy sextile with Mr. Consequences himself, Saturn. Saturn doesn’t sit easily in the sign of Pisces because well, Pisces (and the 12th house it rules) is ephemeral and sometimes not even conscious. If you’re not living consciously and in this world, you’re not going to do well with Train of Consequences because you might not even notice that you’ve wandered onto the tracks. That’s going to be a theme of the month, for sure. Keep in mind that Mercury is already in its pre-retrograde phase here, this is pass #1 of this aspect which repeats again on 12/21 while Mercury is retrograde and again on 1/18/24 when direct. Is there a lesson you’ve been intentionally (you might say “not intentionally” but we’re being real here) avoiding? You might want to look at it sooner rather than later this month.

That first weekend in December is looking kind of rough. Not only do we have Mercury sextile to Saturn (remember here that even though sextile is a “supportive” aspect Saturn is rough no matter how you spin it), but we also have Venus in Libra squaring off with Pluto in Capricorn. That’s some pretty intense breakup weather if you catch my drift. Not if you are in a good relationship, mind. Breakup weather isn’t meant to scare you. But we all know – WE KNOW – that couple. The one that exists for red flags and long nights. That seems to manage to exist as a couple based entirely on what, we all assume, must be the best makeup sex ever. Venus in Libra will stay together no matter what, Libras is just codependent like that. On the other hand, Pluto in Capricorn is on the tail end of its 26-year tirade to end contractional obligations that just don’t work. (sidenote: not that I’m endorsing it, but this a good weekend to work magic to “help” along the desolvation of relationships that shouldn’t continue)

On Monday 12/4, Venus enters Scorpio and makes an immediate trine with Saturn which only accentuates this sense that we need to be in the right place, with the right people, or else. I’m a bit of a relationship anarchist so take what I am about to say with that in mind but: this is not the time to commit yourself to something that isn’t right for you or something that you don’t believe in. That’s a message for somebody. Venus in Scorpio can be quite the vindictive bitch (affectionate), so let people down as nicely as possible. Keep in mind that there’s about a 1/5 chance that Venus is in Scorpio during Sagittarius season (she is always within 2 signs of the Sun) and I promise you, this is the worst combination for the holiday crazies. We are all going to have to pack our patience and our very best regulation skills to get through this month as smoothly as possible.

Neptune stations direct on 12/6 but it’s likely we won’t notice it as much more than a bit of added muddle to the madness. Neptune is pretty effusive in the best of times and in its native sign of Pisces its energy is just mist. You may notice that time passes slowly during the mid-week as most planetary stations tend to create some time distortion.

On Thursday 12/7, our Sun makes a trine to Chiron in Aries. This is undoubtedly a pain point in our month which makes some sense given the holiday season and our aforementioned breakup weather. It is what it is. It might be hard to separate yourself from your triggers during this time – especially familial triggers. For those called to work with Chironian energy, this is a powerful moment to stand tall and own your own pain. (You know who you are)

On Friday, 12/8, Mercury makes its first trine of three with retrograde Jupiter in Taurus. You can expect some big ideas or plans during this time, but not a lot of follow-through. Mercury will trine Jupiter for a second time during their retrograde cycle on 12/18 and a third time in direct motion on 1/19. It’s worth noting here that Jupiter rules this weekend as Venus in Scorpio opposed Jupiter the next day. Things could go very well or very poorly during this time. A lot will have to do with how you are showing up and how stuck you and your others are in your own shit. There’s no great day to do abundance or money work this month, but Saturday will be the best one we’ll see until Mercury and Jupiter have left their post-retrograde shadows come January.

By Monday 12/11, things will be getting a bit dicey. Mercury will retrograde on Wednesday which means that it has already slowed to a near standstill in our skies as it prepares to switch directions. This tends to make all realms ruled by Mercury especially murky and untenable – watch out for all communication throughout this week. There will be misunderstandings. Catch them early if you can. We will also be experiencing a Mercury-Venus sextile on Monday and a new moon at 20° Sagittarius. This new moon is going to be closely trine to both the North Node and Chiron in Aries, so tensions will be high and pain may feel quite close to the surface.

This new moon has some very interesting numerology. Firstly, it’s on 12/12 which we should all recognize as 3/3 energy – three is a powerful number for creation and manifestations of all times. Additionally, this particular moon carries the energy of “9” of every Sagittarius new moon [Sun in Sagittarius (9) + Moon in Sagittarius (9) = 18 = 1+8 =9] and “1” [9 (Sag moon) + 1 (December 20230 = 10 = 1]. Nine is the number of endings and 1 is the number of beginnings which reflects the overall energy of our month wherein we go from 9 (November) to (1) December and back to (9) January again. This new moon will likely be a turning point in the month, either a major pivot or a significant Ahah moment. Using the numbers 1, 3, and 9 in any new moon spellwork that you do can help amplify your magic during this time.

On the next day, the Sun will trine the North Node and Mercury will officially enter its retrograde at 08° Capricorn. I have already written about this particular retrograde cycle here which you can reference for specifics. The gist is that Mercury will remain in retrograde until it reaches 22° Sagittarius on 1/1/24 which will be a major power day. Until then, we will need to sit tight and try to ride with the tides that come to us.

By Friday, Mars in Sagittarius will be trine to Chiron in Aries and the Sun will be squaring off with Neptune in Pisces so we enter a weekend that may be painful and confusing. There’s a lot going on here and not everybody will be on the same page. I’d stake a lot on the fact that someone involved in all of this is lying. Or at least intentionally obscuring the truth. Try to step away from your ego as you can. Be the bigger person. Or don’t. I can’t tell you what to do.

On Monday 12/18, retrograde Mercury meets up with retrograde Jupiter for their second trine. This is the lying times. It has Boy Who Cried Wolf energy. Whatever the story is right now, it’s still heavily obscured so don’t make rash decisions that you’ll regret later.

By the end of the week, we are back deep into the consequences and Saturnian energy. On Thursday, the Sun enters Capricorn and winter begins, retrograde Mercury meets up in a sextile with Saturn for the second time, and Venus opposed retrograde Uranus in Taurus. Not only do actions have consequences, but they may have dangerous consequences during this time. The Sun and Mercury enter full conjunction (cazimi) on Friday which means that all reasoning has been blocked out by the light of the ego. It’s not going to be pretty. We’re in the big holiday weekend, too.

I’d say stay home if you can this weekend, but I know it’s not an option for most people. It’s going to be a tough time to be around family. Retrograde Mercury enters Sagittarius on Saturday which means that everybody is going to be a know-it-all. Mars will be directly trine to the North Node so the words said are going to pack a punch. And the Sun in Capricorn is now directly sextile with Saturn, so the consequences are consequencing. Pack your very best self-care and ninja boundaries if you can. Maybe try to remember that most people are fighting with themselves and not with you.

By 12/25, Venus in Scorpio will be trine with Neptune in Pisces so we all might be a bit weepy over the things that were said and done in the days before. The full moon is on the horizon, too – peaking on Tuesday evening (EST) at 04° Cancer. We have a bunch of planets sitting between 24°-05° along that that are all tangled up in a nasty knot. The Sun is still conjunct to retrograde Mercury and Mars (their conjunction is exact the next day) and sextile to Saturn while the moon is closely conjunct with retrograde Jupiter. Both Mercury and Mars are bringing in Neptune in Pisces energy through a mutable square.

Nobody really knows what’s going on right now, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t up in their egos about it. Give everybody a break during this time, most especially yourself. Pick that fight on a different day – maybe even in another life where you are both cats.

The numerology of this Cancer full moon brings with it the energy of “5” [10 (Capricorn Sun) + 4 (Cancer Moon) = 14 = 1+4 = 5] that is found within all Cancer full moon and the energy of “6” [5 (Cancer full moon) + 1 (December 2023) =6] that is specific to THIS full moon. So what I am saying is that there IS a chance. 5 is a bit of a conflict number, but 6 plays an important role as the number that follows it – 6 can FIX the problems of number 5. This is the best auspicious thing about the entire month, we should all attempt to use it. You can bring the number six into your life by using six in any way that feels good to you during the 48 hours surrounding the peak of the full moon. (From around 7:30pm (EST) on 11/24 to 7:30pm on 11/27) This makes this time the cosmic right time to right a wrong, bring your big kid apology pants to this party. But also maybe remember to not take credit for things other people did.

We’re in the homestretch to our new year and Jupiter and Mercury both stationing direct, but the hits keep coming in. On Wednesday 12/27, retrograde Mercury and Mars meet up for a fiery conjunction (that could be good but watch your mouth – are you telling the truth or spinning a yarn?) while also squaring off with Neptune in Pisces. Remember that Mercury is really close to stationing direct and that means the mouse trap is close at hand. Is the immediate reward worth those consequences? Only you can answer that question. The Sun in Capricorn is trine to retrograde Jupiter in Taurus, so luck could swing either way.

On Friday 12/29, Venus in Scorpio sextiles Pluto for a hot minute (echoing that breakup energy from earlier in the month but with a lighter touch…dare I say it could be makeup energy but I hope not given who I think might break up) before entering into Sagittarius. Venus in Sag is a firecracker but she’ll be heavily tempered by the intensity of the Capricorn/Saturn energy we’re experiencing. Can you keep your dreams alive in the face of opposition? How do you hold space for the fire and inspiration in your life?

Finally, on New Year’s Eve, Jupiter stations direct at 05° Taurus which is an amazingly auspicious transit to ring in the new year with a bit of luck that all of us will certainly need. That may lead to excessive partying, so just beware. And finally, on 1/1/24, Mercury stations direct as well.

I find it absurd that we begin our calendar on an odd day in the middle of Capricorn season, but here we are. 1/1 is not just the first day of the month but also the first day of a year! This is a way to superpower the 1 energy of starting new projects (the magic behind New Year’s resolutions). This is very in alignment with Mercury and Jupiter stationing direct at virtually the same time. I personally will not be out partying because I want to be at my best to take advantage of this energy to start our new year.

As mentioned above, 2024 is an “8” year, the number of the Ouroboros. What has gone around will come around again because life never ends. That said, January is a “9” month, and hence, an ending. Contradictions are and I am really looking forward to this one.

The Details

12/1 – Mercury enters Capricorn 12/2 – Mercury in Capricorn sextile Saturn in Pisces (1) 12/3 – Venus in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn 12/4 – Venus enters Scorpio 12/5 – Venus in Scorpio trine Saturn in Pisces 12/6 – Neptune stations direct 24° Pisces 12/7 – Sun in Sagittarius trine Chiron in Aries 12/8 – Mercury in Capricorn trine retrograde Jupiter in Taurus (1) 12/9 – Venus in Scorpio opposed retrograde Jupiter in Taurus 12/11 – Mercury in Capricorn sextile Venus in Scorpio 12/12 – New moon 20° Sagittarius 12/13 – Mercury retrogrades 08° Capricorn, Sun in Sagittarius trine the North Node in Aries and sextile the South Node in Libra 12/15 – Mars in Sagittarius trine Chiron in Aries 12/16 – Sun in Sagittarius square Neptune in Pisces 12/18 – retrograde Mercury in Capricorn sextile retrograde Jupiter in Taurus (2) 12/21 – Sun enters Capricorn (Happy Winter!), retrograde Mercury in Capricorn sextile Saturn in Pisces (2), Venus in Scorpio opposed retrograde Uranus in Taurus 12/22 – Sun conjunct Mercury (Mercury cazimi) 00° Capricorn 12/23 – retrograde Mercury enters Sagittarius (29°), Mars in Sagittarius trine North Node in Aries and sextile South Node in Libra 12/24 – Sun in Capricorn sextile Saturn in Pisces 12/25 – Venus in Scorpio trine Neptune in Pisces 12/26 – Full moon 04° Cancer 12/27 – Sun in Capricorn trine retrograde Jupiter in Taurus. retrograde Mercury in Sagittarius square Neptune in Pisces (2) 12/29 – Venus in Scorpio sextile Pluto in Capricorn, Venus enters Sagittarius 12/31 – Jupiter stations direct 05° Taurus 1/1/24 – Mercury stations direct 22° Sagittarius

Do you like my work? You can support me over on Kofi.

[sfb123]

Christmas in Cordonia - Part 1

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x Riley

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Summary: Liam and Riley celebrate Eleanor's first Christmas.

Rating: G (one curse word, and a fair amount of angst, but other than that, it's fun for all ages!)

Word Count: 1,072

I am participating in @choicesflashfics holiday prompts. The prompt Tis the season will appear in bold below.

A/N: This was a story that I started as a one shot last year, but was never going to finish in time for Christmas, so I tabled it. When I found out about the Flash Fics holiday prompts, I decided to dust it off and revisit. It quickly went from a one shot to a mini-series. The plan is to release once a week until Christmas, so I hope you enjoy!

A/N 2: Thank you, as always, to @txemrn for pre-reading! 😘

Riley put the finishing touches on her makeup, trying to get herself mentally prepared to lock away her emotions for the evening. She needed to tap into her lessons on stoicism tonight to be the perfect hostess and queen. 

It was Christmas Eve, and she and Liam were hosting a ball for the court. It was her second Christmas as Queen of Cordonia, but more importantly, her first Christmas as a mother. She thought back to the past year, and all of the struggles they had faced bringing Eleanor into the world. From the second Liam and Riley had returned from their honeymoon, it was one hurdle or complication after another. Culminating with one of their most difficult challenges to date, a forced betrothal contract with Auvernal; a contract that they spent the first several months of their daughter’s life trying to get out of. 

After an arduous battle, they were finally successful in severing ties with Auvernal, but at a personal cost to Riley, who had gone nearly a year without seeing her family. Eleanor was five months old, and she hadn’t even met her grandparents. They were supposed to fly out to be there for the birth, but she went into labor earlier than planned; and between the battle with Auvernal, and the search for Godfrey, everyone agreed that it would be safer for them to postpone their visit until things had been resolved. Now, it was Christmas, and the royal family had obligations that would keep them in Cordonia through January. 

Riley felt a single tear break out and roll down her cheek. “Fuck,” she groaned, throwing her makeup brush on the table. She picked up a tissue, trying to salvage the work she had done to look presentable, even though this ball was the last thing she wanted to do. Riley knew that marrying Liam came with certain responsibilities and obligations, and that she wouldn’t be able to spend much time with her family, but this is the longest she had gone without seeing them, and having Eleanor made it even more difficult. 

When she dreamed of having children, it always included her family. Birthday parties, holidays, random get togethers for occasions that only made sense to them. Now here she was, a mother, and her family had only seen her baby in pictures and through video chats. She loved her life in Cordonia, but it had been an adjustment to get used to the distance from home. 

“Riley, Eleanor is dressed. Are you ready to go?” Her husband’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, and she turned to him as she blotted away a makeup smudge from her cheek. 

“Yeah, sorry. I just need a couple of minutes.” 

Liam instantly saw that his wife was upset and rushed to her side. “Love, what’s wrong?”

She turned back to the mirror, adding some blush to her cheeks as she watched her husband’s concerned expression through the mirror. “Nothing, I’m fine. You know, I just get extra emotional around the holidays. Tis the season, I guess.” 

Liam placed his hand on Riley’s arm and turned her so that she was facing him. “Riley, talk to me. I know it’s more than that, and I can’t help you until you tell me what’s wrong.” 

“It’s stupid, it’s nothing.” She dropped her gaze to the floor, but Liam immediately placed a finger under her chin, lifting her face to meet his stern expression. She let out a deep breath. “Fine, I just… I had a very specific vision my whole life of my child’s first Christmas. And I knew that marrying you would change that vision, that Eleanor wasn’t going to get to go to Grampy’s house on Christmas day and open presents in the same living room I did when I was a kid. And I’m totally fine with that; I don’t want you to think I regret being here… or being with you. At all. I just figured that my family would have at least gotten a chance to meet her by now.” She felt the tears threatening to fall again.       

Liam wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. “Oh Riley, I’m so sorry, love.” He kissed the top of her head as his hand ran up and down her back, trying to soothe her. “I promise you, Eleanor will get to meet them very, very soon.” 

They stayed like that for a few moments, giving Riley a chance to release her emotions. When she pulled back she noticed the time on the clock behind Liam. “Oh crap, we’re late. And now I have to re-do my makeup, and I’m not even dressed yet. I’m so sorry.” 

“Shh,” Liam cupped her face in his hands and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “We are the king and queen; we are never late. Everyone else is just early.” He winked at her, and she chuckled in response. “Take all the time you need. I will be in the living room with Eleanor when you’re ready.” He brought her hand up, kissing the back of it. She smiled gratefully at him, and he left her to get ready. 

While Riley touched up her makeup and got dressed, Liam sat holding his daughter in one arm, sending out a few text messages with his free hand. He turned toward the hallway when he heard a throat clear. His eyes went wide as he rose to his feet, sliding his phone into his pocket. “Riley, you look…” 

“It’s okay?” Riley spun in a circle to show off the sequin red, off the shoulder ball gown that she had paired with an emerald necklace. 

“Riley, I am at a loss for words. You look beyond stunning.” He approached her, taking her hand and lifting it, coaxing her into an encore spin so that he could admire her beauty once more before he had to share her with the rest of the court. 

“Shall we?” Riley asked, taking Eleanor out of Liam’s arms and looking her over to make sure she was ready to go. “Look at that, and you didn’t even put her dress on backwards or anything. You’re really starting to get the hang of this whole dad thing,” she teased before kissing her daughter’s cheek and holding her close. 

“That was one time,” Liam protested. He offered his arm, Riley looped hers through it, and they made their way downstairs. 

Permatag:

@3pawandme @busywoman @cariantha @charlotteg234 @choicesficwriterscreations @choiceskatie @cordonia-gothqueen @cordoniaqueensworld @emkay512 @foreverethereal123 @gryffindordaughterofathena @hopelessromanticmonie @iaminlovewithtrr @i-am-only-here-for-sims-cc @imashybish @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @kingliam2019 @mom2000aggie @neotericthemis @nestledonthaveone @nikirennie87 @princessleac1 @queen-arabella-of-cordonia @secretaryunpaid @sincerelyella @theroyalheirshadowhunter @tessa-liam @twinkleallnight @txemrn 

TRR:

@21-wishes @ao719 @belencha77 @burnsoslow @lovingchoices14 @ofpixelsandscribbles @queenrileyrose @the0afnan @tinkie1973

Liam:

@amandablink @cordonianprincess @custaroonie @jared2612 @xpandass420x @yourmajesty09 @zaffrenotes

[vynpop]

First Read of 2024!

Where The Crawdads Sing

By Delia Owens

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Synopsis:

"For years, rumors of the "Marsh Girl" have haunted Barkley Cove, a quiet town on the North Carolina coast. So in late 1969, when handsome Chase Andrews is found dead, the locals immediately suspect Kya Clark, the so-called Marsh Girl. But Kya is not what they say. Sensitive and intelligent, she has survived for years alone in the marsh that she calls home, finding friends in the gulls and lessons in the sand. Then the time comes when she yearns to be touched and loved. When two young men from town become intrigued by her wild beauty, Kya opens herself to a new life-until the unthinkable happens."

Review:

This book was my first read for the year 2024 and I loved every bit of this book. I read this back in January so I am doing a bit of backlogging here for you guys. Anyway, I prevented myself from watching the movie on Netflix when it was trending so that I could enjoy the book first. I have always felt that the books were better than the movies, but that is just me.

Kya has become my sister, a fellow firefly if you will. She was everything I could've imagined. Beautiful, wild, and full of a strength I wish I could possess. She went through so much at such a young age and still, she overcame it all. She was the untameable. She was a force of nature.

I applaud Delia Owens and the amount of detail that went into describing the marsh that Kya had grown up in. Her work inspired me to be outside more and listen to the birds, feel the grass and soil beneath my feet, and wonder at the life around me. I even found myself listening to a nature soundtrack of the marsh just to fully immerse myself into Kya's world.

It was this sad and beautiful tale of a girl who longed for love, but at the same time could handle herself. Her community had failed her in so many different ways, but in the long run, Kya was the one who proved them all wrong. By the end of the book I found myself screaming, in the best way of course, because only great books make a person behave in such a way.

It was a great way to start off 2024.

Favorite Parts/Quotes:

"Until at last, at some unclaimed moment, the heart-pain seeped away like water into sand. Still there, but deep. Kya laid her hand upon the breathing, wet earth, and the marsh became her mother."

"...she's gone to the Lake of the Dismal Swamp, Where, all night long, by a fire-fly lamp, She paddles her white canoe. And her fire-fly lamp I soon shall see, And her paddle I soon shall hear; Long and loving our life shall be, And I'll hide the maid in a cypress tree, When the footstep of death is near."

(Sorry for the format of the above quote, it's a poem within the book).

"Looky here, hon, Ah got us a big un, big as Alabamee!"...He had called her "hon." --When I tell you I was on the brink of tears reading this part! My heart and emotions were all over the place.

[dorizardthewizard]

HSM (2006) rewatch

Part 2: Happy Wildcats New Year!

SDFHKSD EVERYONE WAS LITERALLY JUST STANDING THERE WAITING FOR TROY

Also the way Chad just grabs him like I’M HIS BIGGEST HYPEMAN OUTTA THE WAY PEOPLE

Chad: Because in two weeks, we’re going to the championships, with you leading us to infinity and beyond!

OK Buzz Lightyear

This is so jarring to me because it’s January, right? But everyone is dressed for mild weather, no coats in sight and it’s so green around them? Is it that warm in New Mexico? ...So I googled it and for Albuquerque, they apparently still get pretty chilly winters and can even have snow. It’s funny they filmed at this time but still went for the New Year timeline, they could have easily just had it be at the start of the school year and troyella could meet at some other party. Why am I so focused on this do you ask? idk I live in the UK – if I see a lot of sunshine in a movie, it fascinates me.

Everyone is too happy to be back in school

Idk who started the Wildcats chant but it means Chad didn’t start the very first one in the series!

I saw a post about how Troy actually wears blue and green more than red, and yeah it looks really obvious here in this sea of red. There’s some symbolism there with Chad in red handing Troy the basketball as he talks about him leading them to a championship win, Troy looks a little uncomfortable with all the attention and hands the ball over to someone else.

Sharpay’s iconic strut <3

Chad’s background music is a sitcom laughtrack, apparently

Jason: Do you remember the night before? Troy: No. Not at all. All I remember is, like, pink jelly.

Troy what the hell happened at that party? Unless he just doesn't want to talk about the karaoke

Genuinely curious does a typical school in the US really have an American flag in every classroom?

WHY DOES CHAD HAVE SO MANY WATCHES. I thought it was just for the Charlie’s Angels scene but nope, that’s just his style apparently. Are they all synced to different timezones?

Aw Chad checking up on Troy like, the SECOND he starts to act funny

They really did Monique dirty with her fits and that headband. I wish they styled her hair in a way more suited to her hair type but yeah…

Ms Darbus acts and dresses like the spirit of all drama teachers I love it, her look reminds me a bit of my art teacher in school

Troy why would you try to call her? To see if it’s her? Why not just wait until you leave the class? Why did Sharpay and Ryan pick up their phones? Do all three of them have the same ringtone? So many questions.

Bit mean of Darbus to give Gabriella detention within the first 2 minutes, maybe she didn’t know about your cell phone rule! And why didn’t she introduce Gabriella to the class?

Ms Barbus: Mr Bolton, I see your phone is involved, so we will see you in detention as well! Chad: No, no. That's not even a possibility, Ms Darbus, your honour, see? 'Cause we have basketball practice, and Troy...

Chad calls Darbus “Your Honour” pffffft nice try buddy. Anyway get you a bestie who tries to get you out of detention <3 But also Chad’s reasoning about them having basketball practice shows their jock status in the school and how he thinks they should get let off for that. And like it’s true, some kids are more favoured than others in school for those kinds of things. Doesn't fly for Darbus, though.

Jason 😂😭 I know he is probably genuinely asking and cannot read a room, but there was always that one kid that managed to make the teacher ramble about their life for like half the lesson so we didn’t have to do any work.

[wtchnghrs]

⋆⠀҂҂ ── BACKGROUND

━ ☆ ❱ masterlist

━ ☆ ❱ send an ask to be added to the taglist

☆. EARLY LIFE !

BONNIE was born ZUHRAH ELMER on 2 APRIL 2002 to Swiss-Italian father, ELIJAH ELMER, and Ghanaian mother, FAITH MENSAH. Her parents were living in London at the time of her birth and they remained there until she was ten years old. In London, FAITH enrolled her daughter in violin lessons. Her mother was wary at first that it would be a waste of time and money but fortunately, ZUHRAH took a liking to it. What FAITH did not expect was for ZUHRAH to beg to start playing the guitar. And the bass. And a whole host of other instruments. To this day, ZUHRAH thanks her mom for getting her into music.

ELIJAH and FAITH decided to separate in 2012. ELIJAH had a job that required him to travel constantly and it was getting to difficult for FAITH to bear. Later that year she and ZUHRAH moved to the US together. Living in New York was exciting for ZUHRAH as it was there when she started dancing. At this point, she knew that she wanted to be a singer and a performer, but she would only consider K-Pop later. During the summer holidays ZUHRAH would fly out to wherever her dad was located at the time. Despite this, she never felt like she saw him as he was always working.

ZUHRAH joined a dance team in 2016 and started competing. It was during one of these competitions in 2019 that took her to South Korea that she was scouted by ILLSV ENT. FAITH was happy for her, but wary. She wouldn’t be able to join ZUHRAH in Korea due to her work but to both of their surprise, ELIJAH offered to move with her.

☆. TRAINEE PERIOD !

She moved to Korea in July of 2019, at the end of her Junior year. ILLSV ENTERTAINMENT was a small company, just starting out and ZUHRAH joined as one of twelve trainees. It was undeniable that ZUHRAH was talented, probably the most talented trainee in the company and, coupled with the fact that she is Black, it caused most of the other trainees not to like her.

Because of her talent, ZUHRAH was given the opportunity to audition to be a backup dancer for SEVENTEEN when they went on tour in January 2020 and to no ones surprise, she passed. She completed her last year of high school during this year at Hanlim Multi Arts where she met and befriended some other idols.

ZUHRAH began preparing for her debut in August of that same year. It was her who came up with the concept and creative direction on top of writing all of her songs.

☆. AFTER DEBUT !

On 19 APRIL 2021, ZUHRAH made her debut as BONNIE with the mini album, WITCHING HOUR. As a Black idol, many people were curious to see what she would do while others began hating on her immediately. 

Despite not receiving music show wins, her songs were well received and and loved by those who listened, gaining her a steady fanbase. In 2022 she got her first win for LITTLE MONSTER (WITH. BIBI), the promotional b-side off her third album. From then, her success continued to grow and grow. 

However, behind the scenes, BONNIE was dealing with her company trying to screw her over. Even though she was the main writer behind all her songs, and she organised most of her promotions and content, she was not paid or treated as such. This would lead to the “indefinite hiatus” ILLSV ENTERTAINMENT announced she was taking after the promotions of her fourth album. For 9 months, BONNIE disappeared from the public eye while she was terminating her contract.

All was not lost for her, though, as in JUNE 2023 she was approached by SOURCE MUSIC with a new contact and she accepted. It was announced in August that her next comeback would be as a HYBE artist.

As of now, BONNIE is set to have her next comeback in APRIL 2024.

[readingslover]

Chapter I

Welcome to the first chapter. I hope you will like it Link to next chapters will always be placed below the story.

January 10, 2020

I always try new things. I always want to be doing something, and lately, it is reaching further than just writing music or directing music videos. In 2019 I was approached by Baz Luhrmann. He alongside others is doing a movie about Elvis Presley. They asked me if I wanted to be the vocal coach for the actor who plays Elvis.

I had to think about it and see if it didn't cross with my upcoming tour. But after talking to him about it, Baz said they could try to film those as one of the first ones since the tour started in June. But it also meant that we had to go to Queensland as quickly as possible. So he decided that for this month I will meet up a few times with our Elvis, whose name I learned is Austin, to begin the vocal lessons for him to be in the right range. And then in February, we need to fly out to Queensland.

So he decided to get the main cast and crew together at his California house for dinner so we could get to know each other. But I don't think other people know who's working in the crew behind the scenes.

So here I am stressing out on his doorstep. In my blue jeans and gray pull. I know some people would say relax, but after everything that happened, it's really hard not to think about what they think about me. What did they hear about me? Will they like me?

But I just do what I always do, suck it up, and just do it. A few seconds after knocking on the door it opens. Baz is standing there with a big smile "Come in... You're the last one to arrive." He says while letting me in the house and closing the door.

"Well... I tried coming here earlier, but you know how traffic can be and I was in the studio preparing things for the release of the documentary. But I'm here now." I say following Baz into the house.

We get to his living room and he introduces me to everyone who is there. Tom Hanks, Olivia DeJonge, Dacre Montgomery, Richard Roxburgh, Austin Butler, Jeremy Doner (story writer, Gail Berman (producer), Damien Drew (art director). Some of the cast and crew couldn't make it due to personal reasons which I understand. I almost didn't want to come with everything that happened, but my mom said it would be good for me to mingle with people. Especially if I'm going to be working with them for the next couple of months.

After a while, we all go sit at the table. While dinner is being served everyone is making small talk about other projects they had the past year. "Hannah, this might be a rude question, but during filming, don't you have a tour?" Dacre asks and everyone turns their head to me. "I do have a tour planned, but when Baz approached me last year he said we could work around it since the tour only starts in June. Which gives us about 5 months before I have to leave." I say. I know he doesn't wanna be rude. With other people who would have something planned during this period, I would also ask questions.

When dinner is done I excuse myself for a moment outside. This sounds weird, but being with a large group of people for a long period of hours while just talking and not working is something I can't do. In between, I try to have these moments for myself, focus on myself, and after a few minutes go back inside.

I know I perform in front of thousands of people, but this feels different.

"Are you alright?" A deep voice asks me, startling me out of my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed a breather." I answer. I turn around to look at the person who came outside to see it is Austin. "I get it. Sometimes it's just too much. I have my moments too." He says. For a few moments, it is just a comfortable silence between us before he speaks again.

"This may be weird, but I saw your Reputation stadium tour on Netflix. You did a great job. It's weird standing here next to you and talking to you."

"Thank you. We will try our best."

"You know what's weird about it? On the stage, you have this other personality. You are very open about everything. You are standing there as you do it evevery daynd then here you are talking like the least of everyone in that room. And I thought that, when I was watching the show, you were this person that just always talks. but you aren't."

"Throughout the years you learn that sometimes it's better to be preserved with people you don't know. When I'm on stage on tour I know that these people came to see me and everyone with me on stage, not because they are put in a room to get to know each other."

"I would wanna be put in a room with you," Austin said after I finished talking. I look at him to find him looking at me. "Oh, you would be disappointed to be put in a room with me. It's not that fun."

"It can't be that bad."

"I either write music or am overthinking about the things I wrote that I want to put on an album. It's not fun when nothing is happening around me for me to not focus on that."

"Is that the reason you are partly gonna be on set for the movie?"

"Partly. I have done coaching for musicals and stuff and it is fun, but I wanted to try something new. I just can't imagine doing nothing until I go on tour."

"Aaah, I get it. You just always want to do stuff."

"Yeah... I always want to do stuff."

After that, we stay outside for a few more minutes before heading back inside.

----------------------------

January 15, 2020

You think you would get used to all the different interviews and rooms they put you in when you've done this since you were 15 or so.... but you don't.

I still am nervous about what they would ask. And for years I've played the girl who was quiet and would just be polite and wave, but over the last year, I learned that I don't have to be polite all the time. So here I am getting ready for my first interview of 2020 with Variety in the Beverly Hills Hotel.

We talk about the Golden Globes nomination with 'Cats' and my upcoming Netflix documentary 'Miss Americana' which will be out on January 31.

"The documentary will be about my whole life experience from being in the spotlight at a very young age to the whole world turning on me in 2016 to me going on my reputation tour and releasing my newest album 'Lover'.

I think it lets the people, mostly my fans, get to know a side of me they didn't. I talk about very controversial topics, which I normally only do in my songs. "

"Were you bummed that your album Reputation didn't receive any Grammy nominations?"

“'Yeah... I was at a moment in my life when I needed to come back after everything that happened. I showed them a new me. I told them my story. And it felt like it still wasn't enough. No matter how hard I try it will never be enough for some people and during that time I just needed the validation that what I'm doing is right. That I can come back and still make good music. I always had that fear. I told everyone that ‘Reputation’ wasn't good enough, after receiving no nomination. That I needed to make a better record. After some time I realized that just because I didn't get nominated doesn't mean that it's a bad record.”

"In the trailer, it is also pinpointing a moment where you speak up about politics, which you haven't done throughout your whole career. What made you decide that right now is the time to do so?"

"Every time I didn't speak up about politics as a young person, I was applauded for it. It was wild. I said, 'I'm a 22-year-old girl - people don't want to hear what I have to say about politics.' And people would just be like, 'Yeahhhhh!'

I was on my Rep tour at that moment. So I followed it on social media as most people do. I felt like I had this platform to do something about it. I argued with my dad about whether I should do it or not. He thought that I shouldn't get involved as I did earlier, but my gut told me that I needed to try.

To celebrate pride month but not advocate for those who felt wrong to me. Using my voice to try to advocate was the only choice to make. Because I've talked about equality and sung about it in songs like 'Welcome to New York,' but we are at a point where human rights are being violated. When you're saying that certain people can be kicked out of a restaurant because of who they love or how they identify, and these are actual policies that certain politicians vocally stand behind, and they disguise them as family values, that is sinister. So, so dark."

"In your documentary, you cover a lot that has happened over the years, but aside from the whole Kanye thing, there was one thing that I think stood out and that was when you were on stage playing the piano and talking about your sexual assault trial. Could you tell me more about that?"

"For me the trial was crucial. Needing to speak up about beliefs I'd always had because it felt like an opportunity to shed light on what those trials are like. I experienced it as a person with extreme privilege, so I can only imagine what it's like when you don't have that. And I think one theme that ended up emerging in the film is what happens when you are not just a people pleaser but someone who's always been respectful of authority figures, doing what you were supposed to do, being polite at all costs. I still think it's important to be polite, but not at all costs.

Not when you're being pushed beyond your limits, and not when people are walking all over you. I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able, and willing to call out bulls- rather than just smiling my way through it."

" As far as the Kanye thing goes. As a teenager who had only been in country music, attending my very first pop awards show. Somebody stood up and sent me the message: 'You are not respected here. You shouldn't be here on this stage.' That message was received, and it burrowed into my psyche more than anyone knew. ... That can push you one of two ways: I could have just curled up and decided I'm never going to one of those events ever again, or it could make me work harder than anyone expects me to, and try things no one expected, and crave that respect - and hopefully one day get it.

But then when that person who sparked all of those feelings comes back into your life, as he did in 2015, I felt like I finally got that respect, but then soon realized that for him it was about him creating some revisionist history where he was right all along, and it was correct, right and decent for him to get up and do that to a teenage girl.”

------------------

@/HannaGrace posted on instagram

Liked by Selenagomez and others

Variety, I had an amazing time chatting with you. Thank you for stopping by.

----------------

@/HannaGrace posted on Instagram

Liked by Selenagomez and others

I had the opportunity to premiere my new documentary Miss Americana at the 2020 Sundance Festival. Thank you to everyone who joined in. 

----------

Chapter 2

[glapplebloom]

What’s with Applejack getting stuck in holes?

I say this since this comic was published January 8, 2020, while the episode aired June 1, 2019. I should also note that the final episode of the series aired October 12, 2019, so this comic was passed the show’s date. The comic would continue until August 12, 2020, when they claim to be the 10th Season. There will be 2 storylines (3 issues) before we get there. We’ll get to my thoughts on “Season 10” when we get there...

This issue begins with Apple Bloom saying she saw a giant Fly-der and AJ going to see what really spooked her. They find a big web and end up getting caught in it (via snare trap). Apple Bloom’s side is weaker, so she could break out of it but she’s too scared to do so. So Applejack figured the best way to calm her down is to tell her a story of when she was too scared...

As a filly, she didn’t learn her lesson about avoiding holes, so when she saw the well she wanted to look closer into it to see what’s in there and how deep it was. She fell in. . She didn’t know how long it was but if it was like Going to Seed it probably was like half a day. And since then, she was afraid of any water that would go over her head. But you saw her swim, so what's the explanation for this contradiction?

Well, Big Mac seeing through this tells AJ that being brave isn’t about having no fear, but facing it. So AJ tires and fails. Big Mac saved her, but she gets angry since she hates to be afraid and takes it out on the rest of the family. Mostly the kids since I don’t see any adults. But back to reality (oops, there goes gravity), Applejack found the source of the webs. It was not a giant Fly-der...

It’s a Wolf Fly-der. As if the combination of flies and spiders were bad enough, now we got wolves into the equation. It goes away (for some reason, it wasn’t like AJ could actually do her threats) and the story continues. After storming off from the Watering Hole, AJ notices rain. And where there’s rain, there’s a storm. She heads back to the water area to find Big Mac in the middle of it and the winds being too much.

So AJ jumps in, swims to Big Mac and saves him. And that’s how she overcame her fear of the water: seeing what really scares her and facing her old fears to save someone close to her. This is a lesson Apple Bloom takes to heart as when the Wolf Fly-der targets AJ instead, Apple Bloom relaxes like AJ told her too. She screams at the Wolf Fly-der to take his webbings and go someplace dark and creepy like Tartarus...

And he does. Like, why? The thing listened, nodded in agreement, and left with his webs. Like if he liked Tartarus, why did he leave in the first place? Cerberus I understand because it's boring, but the creature likes dark and creepy and it wasn’t hungry considering it just up and left with no food. Like how on earth did this situation happen in the first place?!? Was it the Flim Flam Brothers? Filthy Rich from the Equestria Girls universe? A scrapped plan of Doofenshmirtz? 

Either way, the story ended. Other than the ending, I think the story is okay and a good lesson to learn. I can see the Flash Back Story being canon at least to GLAB. The rest of it, I honestly doubt it. Even ignoring the Lantern in the Room, like how could this have been set up? Why did the Wolf Fly-der show up if he liked Tartarus so much? What, did Tirek tell it to go to the Apple Farm? Oh wait, he couldn’t because he was stoned at the time. 

[idonotbitemythumbatyou]

transcript:

Sidding (sic) El Fadil Enjoys Controversy

Deep space nine has been everything Siddig El Fadil expected and more, mostly because the young actor expected absolutely nothing at all.

"It’s really the first thing I’ve ever done in terms of serious serial drama work in America so I didn’t know what to expect." Says "DS9's" doctor Julian Bashir as he relaxes in his trailer on the paramount pictures lot Before the start of a long day.

"'Deep Space Nine' is setting the norm for me, this sort of very surreal norm" he says in soft British tones.

"It’s not a real norm, you know. I’m going to be spoiled and screwed up when I leave this show because I didn’t know what I should expect. It has all been very weird and wonderful for me."

Since "DS9" debuted in January 1993 the character of Bashir has wielded a lightning rod of fan criticism.

Bashir is a brilliant interspecies doctor, fresh from Starfleet Medical Academy, but he’s also young brash, naïve, arrogant, overly gung ho and experienced, and often quite annoying – traits not commonly displayed by any trek character much less a series regular

when the show began, Dr. Bashir was a bit of a nuisance. He had a mad crush on Dax (Terry Farrell). He always seemed to be getting in the way of O’Brien (Colm Meaney), and Kira (Nana Visitor). And he was frequently at the receiving end of Stern fatherly advice from commander Sisko (Avery Brooks).

Though Bashir has done some growing up, fans are still in the process of getting used to the character.

For his part El Fadil, who turned 28 in late November, enjoys the controversy.

"I love it," he says with a big smile. "It was a completely intellectual choice to do it the way we have.

"when I’m at conventions. Some people say hey this guy is really a jerk. What are you going to do about it?'

"Do you know any jerks? you probably know one or two and now the TV world knows one too

"if he’s a jerk" El Fadil says, "he’s not a terminal case, not a hopeless jerk

"He’ll grow grow as he learns, like all of us, and I’ll have the unusual privilege as an actor to make that happen over the years."

A handsome dark-skinned man with jet-black hair, El Fadil was born in the Sudan, Africa, and moved with his family at age 2 to London, England, where he was reared.

After a traditional British education and a year at university college at London El Fadil worked at a men’s clothing shop for two years before pursuing a career as a stage director.

That, in tern, led to acting lessons.

Not long after, he landed a role as a Palestinian in a British six-part miniseries called "The Big Battalions" (1991) which has yet to air in the United States.

A short while later he was cast in a secondary role as King Faisel in another British television production called "A Dangerous Man: Lawrence After Arabia." (1991).

Rick Berman, the executive producer of Next Generation and co-creator (with Michael Pillar) of Deep Space Nine happened to see "A Dangerous Man" on PBS at the time he was creating "DS9" and at first considered El Fadil for the role of commander Sisko

Then, when Berman discovered that the actor was just 26 years old, he invited El Fadil to fly in from London to audition for the part of Bashir

The rest is "Trek" history

"It has been a tremendous opportunity for me," El Fadil says with enthusiasm. "Our cast is really terrific. I love Los Angeles. I’m dating someone very special and I have made a few good friends.

"All in all, I’m having a really great time"

December 1993

[who-is-muses]

As things typically seemed to go for him, Jonathan’s first couple months as the new Psychology professor went relatively well, the ridicule of his co workers remaining hushed and his students no more disrespectful than college students ever were. But even as both began to worsen as the year went on, Jonathan forced himself to- once again- ignore it and focus on helping his students. Which eventually turned into Gotham University’s students as a whole as he began regularly filling in for other professors, starting with Chemistry for half a week in November of his first year, then a whole week in December and January, followed by a couple days of History and three of Music in February, so on and so forth, ultimately leading Jonathan to study up on subjects he wasn’t as adept at to make sure no students would fail due to him being a bad substitute. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he let another student flounder without the support they needed as he had done much of his academic career, forced to rely on himself as most were too concerned with him being some sort of protege to help him. Besides, it wasn’t the students’ fault their professors were utterly cruel to him, save for the ever kind Professor Kingor- Edwin, he began calling him, as well as (tentatively) friend. Nightmare also began to make regular visits to Jonathan’s work as he stayed later and later, pecking at the window until he let her inside, then either hopping into his car or flying after it when it was time to go.

It was during one of these substitute classes- Music, the last of the day- that he was momentarily distracted by a young man (about 20, only three years younger than him) doing homework rather than participating in the lesson. He let him be until the end of class, however, understanding full well the type of time crunch that can come about with piled up work. He attempted to offer him help with what turned out to be trigonometry- the word alone making Jonathan’s head hurt- only to be told to fuck off. And yet, as Jonathan was working late in his office that evening, the student knocked on his door to ask for help (without actually asking.) Despite it being far too late for students to be on campus, late enough Jonathan himself could be reprimanded for it, he allowed the student to come into his classroom slash office- and sit at his desk, also without asking- so they could try to figure out a few equations. As they worked, the student introduced himself as Thomas Elliott (or, preferably, just Tommy), soon plainly calling Jonathan weird. When he managed to hold his offense and instead point out most people are, Thomas commented at least Jonathan can agree. From there, he continued to lose his walled off demeanor from their earlier interaction, complaining to Jonathan all about his parents, his only two “friends” and how he was sure they only humored him, his desire for recognition, the professor growing more and more concerned for the student’s welfare. When it was time for him to go home, Jonathan offered to drive him home, only for Thomas to evidently take offense to that, allowing him to walk him out to the limo waiting for him- completely astonishing Jonathan- but not talking to him yet again. Jonathan was certain he’d made some major mistake, spending the night worrying about Thomas, only to find him waiting outside his office the next morning for more help. From there, they made an agreement; Thomas could come to see Jonathan for help at any time after the school day, but not before or during classes (unless, of course, it was an emergency. Fortunately, Thomas wasn’t the type to turn something into an emergency for his own gain.) (It’s worth nothing Jonathan met one miss Harleen Quinzel during his time as a professor as well, in his own Psyche class as well as a couple substitutes, but- much to his annoyance and guilt- he cannot remember interacting with her in the same way.)

The next year, only the second month of the school year, Jonathan’s concern with an ongoing trend reached its breaking point. He’d noticed another professor, Jacobson, would often drink between classes, and finish the bottle after they were over for the day. Waiting until the students had all cleared out after their last classes, Jonathan gathered up his courage and went to talk to Jacobson, expressing his concern with his drinking habits- only for the older man to pull a knife and slash Jonathan across the face before he could register what was happening. Quickly retreating, Jonathan left for home early that day, knowing he’d be unable to afford a trip to the emergency room and thus attempting to take care of the wound himself with limited supplies. The next day, he arrived at work with a large piece of gauze taped to his face, more in his briefcase, and a plausible explanation not mentioning work and especially not Jacobson at all ready to go. He was already facing merciless heckling and humiliation from the other professors, he didn’t want to make it worse by angering Jacobson. (This wound would, of course, eventually turn into the jagged scar on Jonathan’s left cheek.)

Following this attack, Jonathan’s mental health took a serious nosedive, paranoia creeping into his mind worse than ever and constantly looming on the edges of his consciousness. Fear gripped him at every moment, cautious at best around every staff member- even Edwin, who’d become a very dear friend by this point. The academic part of his mind knew it was because of the stress and trauma, but his insomnia became worse and he began to hallucinate people walking outside his apartment door, whispering, the feeling that someone was watching him unshakable (which, in fact, was partially “Scarecrow” rearing its head for the first time, enticed by and taking advantage of Jonathan’s fearful distress, exacerbating his suffering to fuel itself.) He became increasingly reclusive and avoidant of other humans, ultimately costing him his second job at the grocery store, and then his apartment when he couldn’t afford rent anymore. Luckily, Edwin was more than willing to take Jonathan in from the bitter Gotham winter, letting him spend the night in his guest room (and semi secretly arranging for him to get his apartment back.) His co workers quickly took notice of his shift in behavior, picking on Jonathan all the more, causing him to hide more, so on and so forth. Even still, the English professor made it a point to regularly visit Jonathan both at work and at home, keeping him company and trying to gradually help him recover from whatever had shaken him so badly (still unaware of the actual origin of his friend’s wound.) This was made all the more difficult when a teaching assistant by the name of Roseanne Lee took advantage of Jonathan’s weakness just two months after his 24th birthday, bombing him with compliments and praise until he let her stay at his place and slept with her. Twice. One of which resulting in Jonathan’s second child, yet again never mentioned to him. Needless to say his mental health continued to decline after being evidently used this.

After two and a half years of knowing Jonathan, two and a half years since he and Linus Redding helped to get him approved as the latter’s assistant and their relationship moved away from just student and professor, Edwin mustered up the courage to ask Jonathan out. Only for Jonathan to reject him, evidently upset by the question, his past experiences leading him to assume it to be some kind of cruel joke. After Edwin reassured him that he wasn’t joking, and Jonathan only seemed more upset- insisting he’s not that, he’s straight- Edwin doubled back, playing it off as casually as he could that staying friends was just as good. Jonathan agreed,eager to forget about this interaction and the questions it brought up about himself.

Halfway through the first semester of his third year, after two entirely sleepless nights and yet another public humiliation at the hands of one of his co-workers the previous day, Jonathan suffered a major psychological breakdown. Stowing within his briefcase the gun he’d purchased months before when his nocturnal paranoid hallucinations reached their peak, Jonathan went on a tirade in his class that day, going on about the power of fear and how it can be used to control a person and shape a child’s development for instance, ultimately retrieving the loaded pistol to shoot out one of the light bulbs as an example of fear and response. None of his students were physically hurt, but all were shaken, a few crying by the time campus security arrived. Again, none of the guards were shot, but Jonathan struggled with them until they managed to pry the gun away from him and drag him out of the classroom. He promptly broke down into a panic, hyperventilating as he wept, digging his nails into his skin and drawing blood. He was held in the head of school’s office until he finally calmed down enough for the other to explain that the police would not be involved so long as Jonathan remained off campus indefinitely, it taking him a moment to process he was being fired on the spot. He began begging and pleading for another chance, but the head of school didn’t let him get through a single sentence before having the officers escort him out.

Jonathan unsurprisingly worsened after losing his job, quickly spiraling into a deep, dark depression. Completely unemployed now, not even Edwin could keep Jonathan’s landlord from evicting him, the latter unwilling to let the former pay his rent for him. He also refused to “infringe on Edwin’s space,” moving back into his car. Before long, he was spending much of his money on cigarettes and alcohol instead of food, then trying out various illicit substances for when alcohol itself wasn’t enough. He didn’t find one he liked until four and a half months after being fired, a month into his search, trying out “recreational” opioids and immediately getting hooked on the blissfully numb feeling they provided. He quickly spent the last of his funds on a good sized stash, then began doing favors for more whenever he ran out- as well as money when he could get it. Even after he’d OD’d twice- only once winding up in the hospital- he continued to feed his addiction, losing much of his 26th and 27th years of life to the haze. It was during these missing months he had a purely sexual relationship with another druggie, producing Jonathan’s third unknown child.

After a year and two months of watching his dear friend (whom he still loved as more) kill himself with substance abuse and the actions to feed it, Edwin finally couldn’t take anymore, heading back to his childhood home in Indiana. It took Jonathan longer than he wishes to remember before he realized Edwin was gone.

[joshuasearing]

Monday 29th January 2024

Hey journal so today I had a driving lesson when I left the house I looked a saw a completely different car again as apparently the car he had in for repair is in for repair again as it completely just stopped working the other day like awfully. Anyways this car was a seat and was very similar to the golf that I drove the other day however this one had a really low clutch point so at the start I keeped on stalling which was really annoying as I just was not use to this car. Then I also at one point when I stalled had this work truck behind me that just bursted he’s horn at us like that was going to help the situation. Anyways after a while I got use to the car. Also another thing is I wasn’t close enough to the clutch so I found it uncomfortable until he made me do a reverse manuever and I changed the seating then so i was more comfortable. After my driving lesson I saw my mate that I speak to in the gym called Owen and he was showing this thing about Amazon and he was not sure if it was a scam. Then I did my push gym session and it went really well tbf and I really enjoyed it. After my gym session I walked home and listened to some music. Once I got home I had shower then spoke to faith a little bit. Then she spoke to me about this boy she has been speaking to that lives in the irle of man. Anyways they have been chatting and he has been singing her songs and telling her that he would fly out to see her. Anyways one wrong thing he did do was he lied about he’s age then owned up to it after a couple days. Basically when talking he said he was 18 then admitted the other day he is actually 17 and nearly 18 and faith is 20. I don’t think the age gap is to bad however i do think it is bad that he lied about he’s age and is a red flag in it self that he has already lied. Anyways after a while i left the house and me and my mum went to pick up Kaiden. This was the first time I had been to my brothers school. Anyways after picking him up we met with one of kaidens friends mum and Kaiden and he’s friend Josh came out at the same time. When together they are a right pain in the ass. Josh was worse though and kept on chasing me and attempting to lick me he also licked my jacket successfully a couple of times.

Then after this me my mum and brother went to my Nan’s house for my cousins birthday tomorrow so we gave him he’s present and spent time with him. We also had round Nan’s aunty Mel, my cousin Ellie and Louis the one who’s birthday it is tomorrow. Anyways Nan and grandad were not there as they are currently in America and Mel is just going round the house occationally to check on everything. We did not go round Mel’s house as the dog is there and sometimes the dog and kaiden don’t get on as Kaiden is really loud sometimes. Anyways it was good round then and catching up with everyone. After this me, my mum and brother went to my work to get some food, then after this we ate it at home. Since I’ve been home I’ve been relaxing a little but I have also been posting a few tiktoks and watched some YouTube. Some YouTube about the gym and other videos about cars. Anyways this has been my day I will speak to you later journal, bye journal!

[themacpsych]

2024: Week Two

Yes, this is a day late, but it’s been quite the week so I hope you’ll understand.

Work

I had a really, really good week at work. I tore through my task list and made great progress on some important podcast and YouTube work. Plus some lovely client projects and interest from potential new clients.

I’m super excited about an upcoming collaboration with another psychologist. We’re going to co-host a podcast series all about psychological flexibility and how to develop it. Lots of work still to do, but I’m confident we’re going to have a great product at the end of it all. We did our first video podcast together a while back and we both agreed we worked well together.

I published my second Vlog on my work YouTube channel. It’s very much an experiment, but I can already see ways to improve the next one and keep improving as the weeks go by.

Wellbeing

As per my previous post, I had some bad news on the wellbeing front. This is almost certainly going to lead to some hospital time, so intrusive tests, and then long term medication. If I’m lucky.

Despite this, I stuck to my new healthy habits. I’ve maintained Dry January (it’s just too easy!), avoided junk food and snacks, and made it to the gym and went out for a run on Sunday. I could so easily have rationalised a few beers and burgers to ‘cheer me up’ after speaking with the doctor. But I didn’t. Frankly, that’s the kind of crap that my body really doesn’t need right now.

I’ve veered between doom and gloom and a sense of optimism that I’m finally getting some medical attention. It’s fine to have doubts, it’s fine to feel some anxiety about it all. But it’s what I actually do that matters.

Travel

To take my mind off my wellbeing worries, I spent some more time planning my upcoming trip to Tokyo. In just over a month, I’ll be flying there with JAL and, for the first time ever, I’ll be experiencing their First Class cabin. I have no doubt it’s going to be amazing. But once I’m there, I want to extract as much fun out of the visit as possible. So my list of venues and experiences is getting longer by the day.

I just hope I’m able to make some progress on the wellbeing front so that illness doesn’t hamper my enjoyment of this amazing holiday. Or that it conflicts with a hospital stay…

In other news

I’ve continued to experiment with NotePlan and I think it’s going to stick. You can think of it as a kind of digital bullet journal. Each day as a note, but there are weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual notes too. You can have notes, tasks, reminders, events… pretty much anything you want to help you feel organised and avoid relying on your memory.

You can easily make links between notes (like in Obsidian and other PKM apps), but unlike Obsidian, the iOS apps actually work and synching is flawless. This is so important for me - I want to be able to access my project notes and plans from my iPhone and iPad when I’m on the move.

I’ve been using it to make a weekly note that contains my must-do tasks and activities. I fill this every Sunday for the week ahead. Then the following Sunday, I review the week with my reflections on how things have been.

I’m toying with the idea of starting a new travel blog. I love writing and I have some great trips lined up for this year. I’d like a fresh start and, based on some posts I’ve read about Substack in the last week, I’m looking at Ghost as one option. If you’re a Ghost user, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I’m writing this from my study at home, as I’m working here this morning. I’m starting module two of my Japanese language course this afternoon, and it didn’t make sense to go to the office then all the way back into the West End for my lesson.

And that….was the week that was.

[stregacorvina]

⭐️ 2023 recap! ⭐️

It’s finally time for the last year recap, I think this will be way shorter than 2022 recap because I feel to not have accomplished a lot this year 😩

As usual I decided to split the year month by month to be more accurate and to post all the pictures I can find.

Let’s see if I need to split this entry in two parts or this year one post will be enough 😂

JANUARY

This year I decided to start journaling more so I started the year with a new journal, two to be exact (one for my personal life and one for school life). During the year I’ve bought gel pens, stickers and a lot of decorations for my planners. During the last part of the year, when I started a very serious diet, I also started a journal dedicated to that. I re-discovered a passion for organization and planning that I did have before but never enjoyed that much 😂

Like we did also this year, we started the 2023 on the mountains, it’s became a little tradition for our family to rest and recharge batteries for the year to come. We did some walks in the woods and in the snow and we spent some time together just the three of us (me, my boyfriend and our cat). I took my dolls with me as always to take some cute pictures.

Back home I started a few commissions, “left overs” from past year: another Esmeralda cosplay from my (almost dead) Etsy shop and some upgrading for a Sith costume I did at the end of 2022. As I stopped taking new commissions at the end of the previous year I knew that I won’t be that busy this year and my plan for the year was to start renovating my studio and to do a little inventory of all my stuff…

I started from my dolls, obviously 😂 I decided to clean, restring and improve my oldest BJDs, given to me by a friend that are more than 20 years old! Restoring them took me almost all the month but I was really happy of the results ❤️

As for my health, one of my new year resolutions was to be in full heath again, so I started to do daily yoga sessions at the end of each day and I tried to eat better in general.

Meanwhile my school life was going on, between assignments for my girls and all the papers I have to submit almost weekly for my first year as a teacher.

FEBRUARY

This month passed really smoothly, in school we started to select the dresses that my girls will have to make for the Fashion Show at the end of the year (these theee below) and I was busy as always juggling between planning lessons and submitting papers…

I did a little commission for a colleague, some embroideries for her daughter and I started one of the few cosplays commissions of the year: a Pokémon trainer outfit.

For Valentine weekend we decided to fly to Catania to spent a romantic holiday and we really enjoyed the city and our time together ❤️

Back in Milan a friend of mine from my hometown visited me for the Chinese New Year and we spent some time in Chinatown and to the exhibition of a famous comic artist from Rome, Zerocalcare, that we both love very much.

Ah! This month I also acquired a Cricut machine for future works (at this date she’s still in her box 😩) from a client as an exchange for some future cosplays.

Nothing to say about my health this month luckily.

MARCH

In March my school life started to kick in quite badly: I had tons of online lessons in the evening after school and I also needed to take some extra lessons with my tutor (another fashion teacher from my school) with a very busy schedule!

And as consequence my health started to worsen a little bit, I was always really tired and I cannot focus very well on all the things I had to do outside school. I started taking some pills to sleep better and to keep my fatigue under control.

So to uplift my spirit we did a bit of tourism (we visit a very cute medieval town called Ricceto di Candelo)

and of course I started with the first self-present of the year 😂 I pre-order two new dolls 1/6 scale from Japan scheduled to arrive on November.

I also started a new hobby: diamond painting! As my usual I became really ossessive about it and I compulsively bought a lot of kits, 4 or 5… and I started making the first as soon as it arrived.

As for sewing, I did a couple of new skirts for me to wear at school and I keep working on the Pokémon trainer Cosplay. Here and there I tried to sew something new for my dolls, with the secret hope to be able to open my dolls shop finally this year.

APRIL

I didn’t do anything really special in April, we spent the Easter break on the mountains (we visited a really beautiful water-life center and we saw really cute otters 🦦)

and I took another little break at the end of the month to visit my family back in my hometown. We have a reason to celebrate altogether: my brother and his girlfriend decided to get married in September! ❤️

My health was going downhill again, I cannot sleep very well and the paper works to submit for my school we’re hunting me, so I decided to be more careful about my diet and to increase yoga and physical activity.

In this month I bought some extra hands for my Smartdolls (during a sleepless night on the mountains 😂) and some cute stuff also for my dolls on AliExpress.

Beside diamond painting I also decided to follow some YouTube tutorials to improve my Procreate skills.

MAY

During May I was mainly focused on my school activities: the fashion show for the end of the year was approaching and as well my “exam”; I had to submit a report about my year as a teacher and about an activity I’ve developed during the year with my girls. It was really exhausting 😩

I also started two new commissions that I enjoyed very much sewing (even if some days I really regretted taking them 😂): an outfit for the character Regina from Once upon a time and a cosplay doll-sized of Zhongli from Genshin Impact.

To have fun and stop thinking constantly about school and sewing my boyfriend took me on some cute destinations near Milan during the weekends.

I also bought some new fashion design books for my collection even if I knew that I didn’t have the time to enjoy them 😩

JUNE

Halfway through the year! And it was the most rough month of them all! The Fashion Show was forthcoming and I worked really hard to make sure that all the dresses made by my girls were done: some parts I needed to make them myself as the girls picked a lot of materials really hard to sewn with their abilities (and with the school equipment) I worked so hard that I cannot make till the end…I was having troubles breathing since May but I didn’t had the time to properly take care of myself nor to stop working so hard (as I always do 😩) and the result was a very bad bronchopneumonia that haunted me until the end of the year! (I am not still fully recovered as I am writing this 😔)

I had to take few weeks off of school and I missed all the last days and the Fashion show I worked so hard for! I was so upset but I didn’t have the strength even to be mad at myself because I really couldn’t get off my bed for weeks 😭 but luckily some days before feeling so ill we had the chance to see the Cirque du Soleil, one of the most beautiful show we ever seen 😍

To take my mind off my bad health during the days I was forced at home I started to draw again with Procreate and continued some diamond Painting. To change a bit my routine we also take a little trip to a very beautiful valley to breath some clean air.

Some days I had enough strength to sew a bit so I finished Regina and the Pokémon trainer cosplays. I still haven’t had the time to continue working of the Genshin Impact doll.

This first half of the year was so full of events even if I feel I didn’t accomplished much this year! I sew very few commissions and also very few items for my dolls; I didn’t arrange my sewing room at all as I was thinking at the beginning of the year, I didn’t open my dolls shop nor started the Youtube channel as I would have liked…and better to not talk about my health at all! Looking back to the new year resolutions I wrote last year I was miserably failing across the board 😩

But think this post is already too long for one single entry so I will split the year in two posts like I did last year! Thanks to everyone that arrived till here 😂

[rviner]

Name: Jacob Moore

Age & Birthday: 39 years old, January 21st 1984

Gender/Pronouns: cis man he/him

Birthplace: Cross Plains, Texas

Time in Atlanta: 1 month

Neighborhood: Center Hill

Association: Reapers

Occupation: Unemployed. Associate.

Positive personality traits: Hard-Working, Loyal, Protective

Negative personality traits: Impulsive, Overwhelmed, Repressive

Faceclaim: Luke Grimes

ABOUT:

Born and raised on a large ranch with open land meant Jacob's childhood was filled with adventurous memories. He and his younger brother Liam knew that, one day, they'd be trusted to take over the family business. The Moore family was very strict and proper, hailing from old country money and Jacob's father could be especially unforgiving. Still, Jacob became a dutiful and respectful young man who did his father's bidding willingly. There was only a little bit of resentment that built towards his father but never enough to tear the family apart. Frank Moore was just a traditional man, after all. Everybody was in the area they grew up in.

Jacob couldn't have been prouder when Liam joined the army and for a while sat back and enjoyed his brother being the golden boy, the one who's name was praised constantly in conversations. Jacob then saw how quick everything changed. When Liam was kicked from the army with a dishonorable discharge, suddenly he was no longer the favored son. It was made worse by his brother's struggle with the drink, eventually their parents considered him too much of a liability and cut him off altogether. Jacob, however, remained in contact even as Liam left for Atlanta to reconnect with his army brothers.

For a while, Jacob carried shame for not cutting his brother off, feeling as if he was disrespecting their parents' wishes. In the end, he wished he had never let them cut his brother out of the family at all as Liam ended up becoming a lifeline Jacob needed desperately.

Falling in love and starting a family is a typical story in a place like Cross Plains but Jacob new his parents weren't pleased that the woman he fell for was one of their ranchhands. He learned his lesson to not let his parents drive away the things he cared about and stood by Imogen's side even more determinedly. Becoming a father is still one of the best things that's happened to him and right now, is the only good thing that he has.

Not long after the birth of his son, the Moore name fell from its great height. All of his father's secrets were unearthed from the debts, the addictions and the tax evasions. For the five years that followed, Jacob watched everything unfold and crumble around him until eventually there was nothing left. He was expecting Imogen to run for the hills, especially after the suicide of his parents. Jacob didn't even have time to process their deaths despite being the one to find the grizzly scene of their bodies. The collectors and borrowers descended on him like vultures and Jacob had to make a choice. For the first time in his life, he ran. He packed what little he had left and made the move to Atlanta, going by Jacob Turner and flying under the radar until he gets some money behind him.

He hadn't realized his brother lost quite literally everything after their parents disowned him, not expecting to have to squeeze into Liam's small trailer with Imogen and little Tate. It's better than nothing he always says even though Jacob is suffocated more from grief, shock and guilt. He feels guilt for running, taking Imogen from her family, guilt for thinking his brother was just fine all these years and guilt that his son's life has been upturned in the blink of an eye. But, it's better than nothing.