#just so none of them feel lonely and excluded

[stellocchia]

Killer would love playing Pokemon... there are so many possible pets for him to get attached to and they can't even die. His main objective would be to complete the Pokedex. Like, I can imagine him rushing through the story so he can get to the post-game content and just pick up all the ones he's missing while chilling. 'Cause there's less rush once you're done with the plot.

I'm now wondering who his favorite pokemon would be. There are plenty of cat-themed ones and I'm sure he loves all of those dearly, but I personally think his favorite would be this little fella:

Musharna is a psychic-type Pokemon that produces a thing known as the "dream mist". Depending on the iteration, said mist works somewhat differently, in the early ones it takes on different shapes and colors depending on the dreams it ate, while later on they make it a grumpy nightmare-bringer (very lame of the later games).

Anyway, in the game where it's introduced, the evil guys are literally mistreating a Munna (the Pokemon Musharna evolves from) and trying to kidnap it when Musharna comes in and scares the shit out of the evil guys with visions of their boss being angry, therefore saving the little one.

Now, I think Killer would definitely see Color and himself in that. And Musharna does kind of look like Color with the color-changing smoke coming out of its head on top of that.

Basically, Musharna is too best-friend-shaped not to be his favorite

[cilantrospirit]

so many blogs on here seemingly with a cult following for solely posting about dresses & fruit & their unemployment struggles whilst being very cutesy about it & everyone else sends messages like "oh you're so unique & irreplaceable" well probably this is true but also I would not know from how they post. feels like elementary school when girls would say this to each other & frankly they all were very boring! I'm not bored by the tumblr girlies I think they are all fascinating but in the way watching koi in a pond is fascinating... I don't really like modern ballgowns & I can't afford most fruit & I don't struggle with unemployment I excel at it so. maybe that's the difference between you & I miss lanalvr777

[i-have-a-lot-of-ocs]

Vent below the cut!

I had a friend in 7th grade. We had no other friends and we liked each other. We moved to 8th grade. I met an old classmate from Elementary. I went "Hi!! Come join us!! :D" and we had a "friend group".

They found something in common that I'm not really interested in/understand. They talk about it infront of me without including me nor explain and show the stuff they like. They don't respond unless I talk/approach first. And even then, even though I walked up to them first to start the convo, they usually just respond with short answers. I am practically non-existent! Even though I reserved a spot for them THEY FUCKING REFUSE AND PICK ANOTHER ONE. ALRIGHT THEN. FINE. FUCK YOU. I TRIED SO HARD TO BE THE OUTGOING ONE WHO DOESN'T COMPLAIN WHEN YOU GUYS HAVE FUN TOGETHER BUT YOU ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO NOT ENGAGE WITH ME. FINE. Fine! See how you like it when I ignore the two of you in 9th grade! Go and talk to each other on your own! You don't need me anymore! You have someone else to get together with! I don't need to be here! I'll just sit in the corner and pretend we're strangers! I hope you like it that way! You sure seem to!

[mishaandthebrits]

The best things in life are better with you - (Pierre Gasly x Reader) ⭐️

This has been in my drafts forever and I just found it again 😅 so please enjoy 😂🙈

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x Reader

Word Count: 941

Summary: Pierre and you have a little secret.

Warnings: Teeth rotting fluff, Cute Pierre, might make you feel incredibly lonely

Pierre and you went way back. Your mothers had been friends, so the two of you grew up best friends as well. It was quite usual to find one in the others house when you grew up and even now it was unusual for you two to be far from each other. Well, unless he was in the car of course.

"I'm back.", you heard Pierre speak as he entered the room of his driver room after the media duties of the day. With a smile you locked your iPad and looked up at him.

"How was it? Did they have rumors again?", you laughed referring to the enormous amount of times the press had speculated that the both of you were in an intimate relationship.

"None this time.", he chuckled and sat down on his bed. "What're you watching? Please tell me its not that weird crime show again..."

"Excuse you?! Criminal Minds is a wonderful show and Dr. Spencer Reid is really hot!", you gasped jokingly. This was a recurring topic for you two, he jokingly bullied you for your taste in television shows and you returned the favor with his hobbies.

He rolled his eyes but had a grin on his face still. "Have you done anything nice today?", he then questioned kicking his feet up to get a little more relaxed after standing around for long doing interviews.

"Not really. Edited a few photos, scheduled some posts, replied to comments, you know, the usual.", you shrugged and got up to sit beside him. "Oh! I did read a new joke! What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?"

"I don't know Y/N, but I'm sure you will tell me soon.", your best friend tilted his head watching you.

"A nervous wreck.", you replied with a giggle. It took a moment but Pierre did grin after a bit.

"Where do you always find those?", he laughed and shook his head.

"Online.", you grinned and pulled on his shoulder so his head landed in your lap. Raising your hands you started gently playing with his hair. You knew he loved that and it always helped him calm down.

"You really have to sleep more.", you mumbled and shook your head.

"I know I know... But you know I always sleep better with you beside me.", Pierre whispered back and looked at you out of the corner of his eyes.

"Text me then, I'll come over! You know, for purely selfish reasons... After all I don't want your mum to hate me if you have an accident because you're too tired.", you smiled and kept stroking his hair.

"Of course, we do wanna keep my mum happy.", he smiled knowing you way too well to believe your reasoning.

Ever since you were teenagers both of your mums hoped you would end up as a couple and well, it slowly did start to look that way.

"They tease me, you know? Daniel, Lando, even Lewis.", Pierre whispered after a while. You had actually thought he was asleep, but apparently he still had something on his chest.

"About what?", you frowned after he didn't continue speaking.

"You.", he laughed quietly confusing you even more. "You and me to be exact. They think we should be together by now and I obviously didn't tell them the truth. They would never let us hear the end of it."

"Do you think so? I think they would be happy for you. For us. Plus, I really just want to hold your hand and kiss you when we are around our friends.", you smiled softly making him look at you wide eyed. So far it had always been you that was against telling everyone of your friends, excluding Charles. Both of you just couldn't hide anything from him.

"Are you sure?", he asked with a small smile that widened further once he saw your nod.

"If you want, I'm ready to share us with the world. I love you and I know you love me too, so whenever you are ready.", you explained and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Do you think our mums will hate us if I post yesterdays photo on Instagram and don't tell them first?", he chuckled pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"I don't think so. I'm pretty certain they've known for months.", you laughed and kept stroking his hair while he typed on his phone.

Liked by y/n_dubois and 287.409 others

pierregasly: Two years, five months and 27 days. Not like I'm counting. I love you y/n_dubois

y/n_dubois: I love you so much mon amour <3

danielricciardo: I KNEW IT! HA! FINALLY!

-> landonorris: Mate! Read the caption!

-> danielricciardo: WAIT! What the hell?! You fooled us!

yukitsunoda0511: Couple goals! All the best for you two!

-> y/n_dubois: Thank you Yukino <3

-> yukitsunoda0511: You spend too much time with him.

charlesleclerc: My ship has sailed! pierregasly y/n_dubois

lewishamilton: Aww! All the best for you both! You are so cute together!

pyry.salmela: Congrats! This is no excuse to miss training though.

and 598 other comments

"Okay yeah, from the comments they are absolutely not going to let us see the end of this.", you chuckled while he still laid there with his head on your legs.

"Probably not, but at least we can show everyone how happy we are now.", Pierre smiled and gave you a soft kiss when the both of you heard a knock on the door. "Come in."

"Hey you two lovebirds.", Charles spoke as he entered the room with a grin and sat down on one of the chairs. "So, finally public hm?"

"I guess so.", Pierre laughed without sitting up and looked at his best friend.

"Charlotte was really excited when she saw the post.", Charles smiled and pulled his phone out of his pocket to show you the messages she had sent him earlier.

"Awww, this is so cute! You two really are our number one supporters.", you giggled after reading the texts and handed the phone back. "Should I also post something? What do you think?"

"That would be so cute ma petit fleur.", Pierre smiled only to hear Charles fake throw up besides the both of you.

"Disgusting.", he laughed only for you and Pierre to join right away.

Liked by pierregasly and 4.731 others

y/n_dubois: You are the people that have made me who I am today. The best things in life are better with you by my side. pierregasly Charles_leclerc charlottesiine

danielricciardo: I don't know which post is cuter. Your's or pierres

landonorris: How the heck were you able to hide this for so long when you are this cute?!

->y/n_dubois: Crazy right? I wonder myself honestly

charles_leclerc: disgusting.

->charlottesiine: 😂

->y/n_dubois: 😂

-> pierregasly: We love you too mate

lewishamilton: You two are really sweet together. Cant wait to see you more often!

[mvltiwritez1]

Two Queens In A King Sized Bed - Angela Giarratana x Fem!Reader

Requested by: @loverluzer - ‘Angela x Reader with sleepy time cuddles’

WARNING(S): none. Kissing maybe? But that’s really it.

————————————————————————

It was a hard day for Y/n. Her coworkers were extra chaotic today causing every one of her shoots to get loud. She tried mirroring the energy but sometimes, it got to her.

And then she had the personal stress of not getting a script done. Would she have been in trouble with anyone? Not at all. But did it still bum her out? Terribly so. It was a creative outlet and challenge she had.

And lastly, Angela wasn't at the office. She wasn't on the call sheet so she stayed home with Spork awaiting her girlfriend's return. This meant that she didn't get enough social recharging before another video.

The door unlocked with a click. Y/n opened the door and immediately let her bag fall to the ground before closing the door behind her.

"Hey babe!" Y/n heard from the bedroom and shuffling. Eventually, Angela dressed in comfy clothes came into Y/n's view, making the woman instantly smile upon seeing her. Small taps were heard on the hard floor, it was Spork getting excited to see the other human.

"Hey" Y/n replied, her voice slightly raspy and audibly tired. Angela tilted her head and moved closer, Y/n removed her shoes before stepping into the apartment more, meeting Angela in the middle.

"What's wrong? You seem way more tired than you usually are" Angela looked slightly up at her girlfriend due to their small height difference.

"It was just tiring at work today, that's all" Y/n replied and Angela pouted and hugged Y/n, wrapping her arms securely around her waist.

Y/n reciprocated the hug and Spork made a small noise, getting jealous of the physical contact excluding him. The couple looked down at the small dog at the same time and then Angela looked back at Y/n.

"How about we have some dinner and then cuddle?" Angela offered, rubbing Y/n's back gently.

"That sounds like a great plan" Y/n replied and Angela smiled before pecking Y/n on the lips and leaving towards the kitchen.

——

After dinner, Y/n had finally gotten changed into comfier clothes and stepped into the shared bedroom, seeing Angela on her phone with Spork asleep on her chest. Y/n smiled subconsciously and got into the bed, the jostling causing Spork to move off of Angela.

Angela opened her arms wordlessly after putting her phone down and Y/n embraced her tightly, her arms around Angela's shoulders and Angela's arms around Y/n's waist. Warmth spread between them as Y/n's body relaxed completely, her muscles still tense from the workday.

"How was your day off?" Y/n asked, locking eyes with Angela. The brunette looked away in thought.

"It was alright! I just sort of sat around but I think it's what I've been needing" Angela explained. Y/n nodded as she listened.

"I'm glad you got some rest. You've been working hard lately" Y/n replied, chuckling softly.

"I was really lonely today though. I'm glad you're home" Angela said softly and kissed Y/n as soft as her voice was. They kept the kiss short and sweet before pulling away.

Y/n yawned audibly by accident and when her eyes opened back up, she found Angela staring back at her.

"Go to sleep, Y/n." Angela whispered.

"But it feels like we've barely spent time together" Y/n argued and Angela shook her head, moving her hand up to brush a stray lock of hair that fell in front of Y/n's face back behind her ear.

"You know I'll be here tomorrow. Plus, we ate dinner together and cuddled and kissed. I deem today a success so...get some rest." Angela smiled sweetly and Y/n gave up on fighting it.

Y/n let her eyes close and Angela hummed a song that was stuck in her head, soothing Y/n to sleep.

[jessequinones]

Writing Advice: I'm so lonely

There’s a book I’m currently reading where the main character is an outsider in a village. For context, I’m talking about a dragon book where the main character is a different colour than everyone around him and also has powers unlike any other dragon. Because of this everyone (except his friends) thinks he’s weird and strange, and he believes he’ll get kicked out of the village if they know what he truly is. (Bonus points if you’d guess which book I’m talking about). Now, I’m not trying to put this one book on blast, however, this is a prevalent trope which I would like to discuss with you.

This trope is a good example of a trope which can talk about racism in society as many people, (myself included) are the outsider in their communities. I’m an American living in Australia, not uncommon, but there aren't many Americans in the area where I live. I’m also Taíno and I know I’m the only one in my area. So I get a lot of confused people, asking me where I’m from, and where I’m “really” from. I can’t control the colour of my skin. I look Puerto Rican because I want to represent my culture and doing so makes me stand out, not because I want to but because I’m literally the only Puerto Rican in my area. So when it comes to characters who deal with the “I’m so lonely” trope, I can relate because just like them, I’m also lonely. (Excluding family and friends).

The funny thing about this trope is that often times when it’s created, it’s not really used as a way to talk about racism or being a part of a minority, instead, it’s used as a quick way to feel sorrow for said character. You’ve seen this trope a million times, the outsider gets called out for being an outsider, the outsider runs away, and while gone the outsider discovers friendship, and saves the day. (Luz, from the Owl House). Then the community who banished the outsider now accepts them...but they never really learned the error of their way. Yes, they said sorry, but what if another outsider comes around? Often times the outsider forgives said community but why? They shunned the outsiders, why doesn't the outsiders stand up for themselves?

When this trope is written, you can probably take a guess at how it’ll be used depending on who's writing it. If a person of colour is the writer, chances are it’ll talk about racism. If a person who is a part of a minority creates this trope then said trope will be used as an allegory for whatever the author is a part of.

If the person is a cis white author (most likely a male) then the lonely trope is mainly used for sympathy points. More often than not, the outsider is a character who has a personality that’s not commonly seen in their community such as being an introvert around extroverts. Being a reader instead of a sports player, wanting to go on adventures while everyone else says no. You get the point. While rare, the outsider can also be an extrovert and keep messing up their community. (Luz from the Owl House)

None of these are bad examples of the “I’m so lonely” trope. Everyone has experienced feeling alone at some point. It’s a common experience so it’s a common trope.

What I want to talk about is when the trope is used, by the wrong writer. Such as going back to the book I’m currently reading, a dragon who's a different colour than the rest of his community but the author isn’t using this as a racism metaphor.

I’m white-passing, my skin is just dark enough that people will stare at me as they try and figure out where I’m from. This is sadly a common occurrence. So if you’re writing a story where a character is struggling with the same struggles I deal with, the point gets lost and I’ll have a few words.

I understand, for most writers they have no idea this is what they’ve done, however, please get some people who are either of colour or of a minority to read through your story and I guarantee, that if they experienced what I’ve gone through, they might be able to inform you of what you wrote. I don’t want you to think you’ll have to change your story, however, be mindful of how it’s coming across if it gets brought up. (I’d say if it gets brought up because this isn’t a common trope many will recognise).

If this is something which gets brought up in your story, how do you deal with it?

One thing I would like to see more of is holding the community accountable. (I’m gonna be talking about this dragon because it’s a good example). If they shun this dragon because he’s a different colour, but later accept him. Hold them accountable. Punish the community. Have them see the error of their ways. It would also help to then bring more characters (in this case dragons), of the same colour into the community afterwards.

I would also like to see the outsider finding others who came from the same community and were banished for the same reason. Have them be told this is an ongoing problem, something that needs to change.

I also want to see more frustrated outsiders. Yes, they can be scared of their community, and yes they might not fight back, but for the inner dialogue. Have them lash out. Let it be known they can’t change who they are, and are frustrated the community won’t accept them.

I also want to see if the outsider has a small group of friends in the community before they get banished, to vent their frustration at their friends. Have their friends comment on what they see, and have their friends stand up for them instead of ignoring what’s going on. Just something to say “This is a problem and we want it fixed.”

Otherwise, if the outsider, (like a dragon) who's a different colour from the rest, never brings up the struggles of what it’s like being the only one, and their friends don’t help in the situation, then you miss the point of the lonely trope you wrote.

Now I know if you’d figured out which story I’m referring to then you might say the character I keep bringing up does mention his struggles and does vent about the situation...but not in a way which is helpful for this trope.

The main dragon which I’m using as a piñata is hiding from his community because he’s afraid of what they might discover. He’s an outsider yes, but an outsider who's trying to blend in with the rest of the community. Many people who connect with outsiders, connect with them because they can’t hide. They tried to fit in and couldn’t. There’s a difference between an introvert trying to blend in with a bunch of extroverts, compared to being the only Taíno at school.

The writer pointed out the colour of this dragon being different compared to the rest of the community, but the main character is more worried about the others finding out what he is, and it feels like the colour of his scales is a gateway to discovering who he is. So for all intents and purposes, it’s as if this dragon is an introvert trying to blend in with a bunch of extroverts. Still, his scales just so happened to look different compared to everyone else’s which means this one dragon is now a part of two different lonely tropes which makes everything confusing. Ultimately the writer ends up ignoring the racism part. The point of the dragon in the book I’m reading isn’t that he’s an outsider because he can’t change who he is, it’s the fact he’s an outsider because he’s hiding from what he is.

When creating the lonely trope (if the subject isn’t because of racism or being discriminated against), it’s a good idea to figure out why they’re lonely. Do they have a dark past? Do they act differently? It’s also a good idea to figure out why they’re an outsider. Are they actively trying to avoid others, or do others hate them?

If you add in an element, such as they look different on top of everything else, then the simple lonely trope doesn’t become simple because, in the real world, many people are outsiders because they “look different”. You can’t just add that as an icing. If you’re gonna be adding it, it needs to be a part of the main ingredients.

The lonely trope is a good one, and one many can relate to, but if done wrong, it can also anger people. When creating the lonely trope, just remember to take a step back, figure out why they're lonely and go from there. If looking different has to be included and can't be taken out, then grab sensitivity readers. My normal advice is beta readers but for this trope, I believe hiring sensitivity readers might be a better choice as they can go over what works and what doesn't in better detail.

[sweetlyskz]

For Better or For Worse

Chapter Four: Lonely

Pairing: Ot7 x reader

Overview: you weren’t thrilled to be moving in with bangtan but you learned to come to terms with it. Your father however did not. When truths come to light and secrets are revealed, will you switch sides or simply exclude yourself from the situation altogether?

Genre: Mafia Au, Strangers to lovers, yandere Au

Prev||Next

Masterlist

Everyone had left for work, leaving you in this half empty mansion all by yourself. Well- they left a couple of guards around the house but they're for protection, not company.

Ever since Taehyung painted with you in the backyard, you've had a little more courage getting out of bed. You had a little more hope that things would turn around, that things would get better. But there is one thing that bothers you.

No one is ever home.

You thought living with seven guys would be terrible, that part is true, but another part of you thought that living with them would keep you from going insane. They went through all this trouble to get you, and now that you're here none of them will spend time with you. Even Tae has been distant after painting together.

This house was way too big for just one person to be in it all the time. Even with all of the guards around it still feels empty, lonely. There's a whole other side of this house you haven't even seen yet. What's over there? you wonder.

Walking through the hallway of the other side of the house made you feel nervous, like you weren't supposed to be there. But the mysteriousness of it all was calling you, begging you. You turned a corner, face to face with a door, painted black with a do not enter sticker on it. It was speaking to you. Come closer, grab the door knob, please. This door was made just for you. So you followed the doors orders.

But the door was locked. Oh well, you thought. Maybe it was a sign to go back to your room, curl up in a ball, and wallow in your self-pity.

“What are you doing over here?” You heard a loud voice question from down the hall. “The bosses gave strict orders for you to stay on the left side of the mansion. Let's go.

You rolled your eyes. “So, what you are saying is that you’re a worthless prick who does whatever any man tells him to. Got it.”

After that stunt, best believe you went to your room in haste.

All of the secrets, all of the lies. It’s not fair. They know everything about you and you know nothing about them. At least your father was transparent. He didn’t keep secrets (for the most part). There was no hiding guns, private meetings, or secret business agreements back home.

Home. You miss that. Having a place to call home, somewhere to feel safe and comfortable. They had each other. They seem happy together, so why do they need you? To gain leverage on your father? To take Seoul territory for themselves? The darkness started to mess with your head. They don’t need you. They don’t and neither does your father. If you were out of the picture, so much would be better.

A couple knocks to your bedroom door had snapped you out of your thoughts. “Come in!”

The guard from the other side of the house walked in. Immediately, you backed up and pulled the knife from your end table. He put his hands up in defense.

“I’m not here to hurt you ma'am”, He announced. “I just wanted to apologize for what happened earlier. Please don’t tell my bosses.”

“Tell them what exactly? That I was somewhere I wasn’t supposed to and a guard put me back in my place?” You raised your eyebrows, putting the knife back down on your nightstand. “Don’t worry. I’m taking that one to the grave.”

He smiled. “Thank you. Don’t take this the wrong way but I thought you were gonna be–”

“Mean, heartless, and cruel?”

“Something like that”, he laughed. “You’re more… down to earth, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess four years of college will do that to you”, you blushed. His smile turned into what looked like shock.

“Your family allowed you to go to college? That’s a new one”, He joked.

You frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?” He threw his hands up in defense again.

“N-nothing I j-just meant that with you being the heir to one of the most prominent gang leaders in Korea… I mean if i had a daughter in that situation I would keep her close… maam.”

You giggle, smiling appearing back on his face easing the guards worries. “It’s Yn… What’s your name? I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

“Christopher, but just call me chris.”

“Okay, Chris…” he laughed, and you don’t know why, but butterflies swarmed your stomach. “You can return to your duties, your bosses will be back any minute.”

He nodded head towards your bedroom door, hand on the door knob.

“Thank you”, you blurted before he left. He turned his head.

“For what?” He asked.

“For making me feel less alone.”

UPDATED***

@ratherbefangirling @forpunishers @amara-mars @idk179634 @emu007 @m1sss1mp @mageprincess7 @fluffy-canada-pancakes @inlovewithallmusic @bratbxbyx @kaiwaialiki1210 @queen-in-the-shadows @exfolitae @scuzmunkie

The ones in pink i can’t tag

[youremyheaven]

I know that ketuvians are considered arrogant because they seem to separate themselves from the masses but as a ketuvian girl well more nodal (rahu conjunct my ascendant lord):

I became so distant because of always feeling excluded since I was a little child. My extended family would be hostile towards me because my parents did "well in life" despite coming from a very empoverished background. People would create rumors simply to hurt me and my own mother would be on their side because she thought that I had a "mean look in the eyes"💀

Since she is a libra (chitra)sun woman, she used to put others opinions on a pedestal and coerced me into molding my personality for people to like me. She would so disgusted at people for being true to themselves and couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that some people were strong enough to do that, so she say that I was dumb, ridiculous anyways I think she was jealous 😗 because she is a very insecure woman.

So growing up I was never able to sustain friendships because my personality was fake therefore I attracted people that did not truly corresponded me. I always felt so lonely in groups once I would try to be myself , it felt like they were annoyed by me. And because I know that people get tired of me easily, I'm just able to know when things get really superficial and I can't try anymore.

If I try to be myself they would get tired of me and reject me for being cold, weird, aloof. And all I did was to stop acting sassy and making people laugh 😃

It is so disheartening because sometimes it really feel like I found my people for life, they would rapidly get so attached to me, always wanting to stay around me and one day it is just over because I failed to make them laugh 🙃🤪They would ask me : " Why did you change ?" "I don't recognize you ". It really was hurtful for me because as much as I liked to play this exciting character, I am a more calm et discret person too and I feel like I can't express this side of myself. Otherwise I am a mean bitch who act superior because of my rbf. Anyways that was my rant for the day, I really wanted to express my struggle as being influence by both rahu and ketu. I feel like I have to learn to be true to me in this lifetime and accept rejection even if it hurts like a bitch when you feel like no one gaf about you. So I separate myself from people because of I always feel rejected anyways even if you can't see it on my face , and I just can't try to have superficial friendships anymore I'm sorry 🥴

On a positive note, I'm so glad I found your blog, you have so much insight and you seems very wise in very cool way , your personality is just radiant 💫

Omg bbg 🥺 I hope you weren't offended by me saying Ketuvians are arrogant. I think there can be many different reasons as to why someone would want/have to be detached from a crowd and I wasn't trying to say that absolutely all Ketuvians are full of themselves (some are but this goes for every planet 😂).

I really feel you with how you described growing up and even your struggles with superficial friendships 🫂🥺

I think one of my biggest challenges in life has been with regard to "being myself". My entire personality changes with regard to who I'm around and I never feel like anybody really sees me as I am lmao. It used to make me upset because I was like ??? I'm only this way with you because you're this sort of person and I'm adjusting myself accordingly 😭 none of this is innate to me??? There are people who only know me as quiet, reserved or soft spoken and think of me as a goody two shoes and then there are others who think I'm a wild freaky bimbo 😭 and manyyy other iterations as well and I'm like ??? whomst will decipher the full spectrum of my being??? 😩😩😩 I'm not one or another, I'm just everything 😩🤡😌

As you said, it felt like I was playing a character when I was younger and like you, I reaalllyyy struggled once I just decided to stop acting and be myself 🥲

But I'm glad that we're both done with superficial friendships 😎😜🤠 hopefully we'll both make genuinely meaningful friendships with people who see and understand us for who we are ✨

Tysm for saying that 🥺 that's such a meaningful compliment 🥺✨ I hope the rest of this week is wonderful for you 💛

[reyesstrand]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for the tags @welcometololaland @strandnreyes & @alrightbuckaroo <33 this was a much needed distraction tonight!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

86

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

335,298

3. what fandoms do you write for?

predominantly 911 lone star. the only other thing i’ve dabbled in recently was the old guard

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? (i’m going to exclude prompt collections here!)

like a bright new dream (first i love you)

wanna be still with you (2x08 coda)

lit the spark (that set a fire) (firefighter!carlos au)

take me back to the light (1x08 coda)

to be reborn (3x04 coda)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do!! even if it takes a few days (where i’m likely just staring at nice words in my inbox and using them as fuel to brighten my mood) i love having that connection, and seeing maybe what stood out to someone who read my silly little story

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

any of my codas that i wrote immediately after an episode aired—my 3x02 spec fic some and now none of you, or my 3x07 coda/3x08 spec fic not a victory march—simply because we didn’t know the outcome for these storylines yet, and i let myself get angsty.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think 95% of my fics have happy endings but to shout one out in particular….hm. i’d say got real love maybe—truly just. fluff. and the boys coming home to each other and making that official. i also think the proposal bliss in (not afraid of) living on a fault line has got to be up there as well

8. do you get hate on fics?

nothing major

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i’ve always stuck to very implied levels of smut in my fics….idk i always worry i won’t be able to make it sound good when there’s people out there who do it brilliantly. however i’m challenging myself with food fic which does have some smut (with feelings. oh the feelings)

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

crossovers aren’t really my thing!!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, would be honoured though!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

love helping with brainstorming bits, but have never actually co-written anything

14. what’s your all time favourite ship?

tarlos brainrot always and forever

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have tons of ideas that i never commit to, which sucks. off the top of my head…the andrea & tk fic that i just never got into a flow with

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m strongest when it comes to setting a scene; when exploring what that character is feeling. i like to think i can kind of evoke a mood through imagery? i’m most comfortable when it comes to introspection and exposition and general narrative

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i tell myself i’m getting better, but i’d say dialogue is the constant thing that throws me off. i also worry i over-write sometimes

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i like it, if it’s being done with good intentions and suits the character. i’d imagine for heavier dialogue it would make sense to ask for someone who speaks the language to read it over to make sure it’s accurate

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i think the get down, back in like 2017

20. favourite fic you’ve written?

i can’t choose, so i present to you two wildly different honeymoons. first, dream this night away—almost 8.5k words after a seven month gap between posting when my writer’s block was at an ultimate high. then of course, to which there is no reply—i’ve been growing happier and happier with my writing especially with these last few fics of mine, and this one is something i’m just super proud of, and the support on it definitely brought me to tears a bit ajdnskdn

no pressure tagging @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @paperstorm @tailoredshirt @theghostofashton @inflarescent @birdclowns @liminalmemories21 @rmd-writes @heartstringsduet @freneticfloetry @orchidscript @tellmegoodbye @safeashousespdf and leaving an open tag as well!! <333

[justmelookingbackatme]

After so many years wishing I could be straight, one would think it might come as a relief to identify that way now. But it’s not. Heterosexuality is more isolating than I ever imagined it could be.

Being trans, I’m not straight enough for the general population. Most of them still think of me as a lesbian. But I’m too straight for most queers. It would be funny if it wasn’t so lonely; I’m an outsider among outsiders.

Sometimes they try to exclude me, or sometimes they make comments that aren’t intended to hurt but hurt nonetheless. And sometimes they do make an active effort to include me, which is wonderful, but… I still feel alone.

I don’t fit in with my cisgender sapphic friends anymore. I was one of them, but then I left. I know what I’ve lost with them; the community, the sense of belonging. And I’ve gained a lot too, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like an alien.

I don’t fit in with my nonbinary friends. They’re the ones who are Queer, with a capital Q. They have short, dyed hair, and interesting names, and pronoun pins on their backpacks, lesbian earrings or bisexual phone cases. They’re unapologetically queer, and although heterosexuality is queer when I do it, it’s not quite queer enough to seem like one of them.

I don’t fit in with my transmasculine friends. Most of them are gay, and the few who aren’t gay are bi. It’s become almost an inside joke between them, their path from a cis lesbian to a gay trans man. It’s not their intention, but sometimes the way they talk about that pipeline makes it seem like it’s a universal transmasculine experience. Sometimes I wonder when I’ll finish moving through my pipeline, when I would start liking men. This wasn’t where my path ended, was it? With me as a straight man? That was an outlier.

It was always like this growing up. Me, surrounded by a group of people who shared my gender, but they all talked about being attracted to boys, and I was the only one who didn’t feel that way. The odd one out. It’s a different gender now, but the same old story. My friends of the same gender liked men, and I didn’t, and I would start to wonder what was wrong with me. Wish and wish and wish I could find something, the hint of feelings for men, and never find anything.

I’ve followed this “lesbian to gay trans man” pipeline far enough that I’m no longer a lesbian, but I haven’t reached the “gay” part of “gay trans man.” I never will.

I’m not a woman who loves women, I’m not a man who loves men, and my gender doesn’t fit with the other queers who said “none of the above.” I’m just me. Not straight enough to be truly straight, too straight to be truly queer. An outsider among outsiders.

[ladydeath-vanserra]

I'm so tired with how often I'm confronted with how actually lonely I am. I have gone to two places since moving to Minnesota at the beginning of the pandemic. I'm at work or I'm at home. theoretically I have a friend group tho none of them invite me out with them. I have gone out with them twice in the last two years that I can remember. if I'm just 'Lucs roommate' I need to be told that so I can stop getting my feelings hurt when I'm excluded. again. they say Im their friend but Am I? I dunno I'm just. *sighs*

personally the idea of excluding someone I consider my friend makes my skin crawl. I could never intentionally leave a friend out, and if I did ny chance accidently do it and then it is brought to my attention I'd fix it bec feeling excluded is just awful

[deepperplexity]

Prompt: 9. Strings Attached

Pairing: Turpin x Wife!Reader

POV: Second, Reader

Setting: Christmas Party at a grand estate

Continuation of: Prompt 4. Biting Cold

A/N: So, I heard you, shall we continue this little story then? After all, dear Richard is owed a little pleasure too after that carriage heating - isn’t he? 🙊👀

Tags/TW’s: Smut [Kissing, Praise, Gift-wrapped, Dom/Sub, Penetration, Oral Sex, Bondage], Lots Of Love.

Word Count: 2.4k+

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

The ball-like Christmas party was a wonder to be part of. Especially on Richard’s arm. You weren’t keen on people chatting too much with you, or strangers trying to invade your personal space — with Richard by your side that was never a problem. Some may have felt lonely, excluded even, from the bustle of the party when none dared come close or strike up a conversation (at least not without your husband’s showed approval) but you quite enjoyed it.

You were safe, protected, cared for and held on to tightly by the only person who mattered to you. A man none dared insult, interrupt or even approach without some sort of indication that he was willing to speak with them. Still, none dared enter his personal space — only you were welcome there. Welcome to touch him, speak freely with him, to be close to him. It was a privilege that you valued beyond anything else in the world.

That he had a few hours ago gifted you with a toe-curling, heating orgasm none would ever know. But you did. He did. All the pleasure between the two of you was for none to know but the pair of you to enjoy. And boy, oh boy did you enjoy it; him.

You giggled quietly while Richard spoke with the host in a short, dismissive manner. The short, stout man raised his brows at you but quickly found his neutral expression when Richard glared at him.

“I apologise, I simply thought of something most enjoyable, my Lord,” you said to the man with an innocent smile. He softened while Richard looked down on you with a raised brow. “Will you excuse me, darling?” you asked quietly, your eyelashes fluttering while your cheeks turned rosy. His eyes widened, just enough for you to notice. “Certainly,” he stated calmly even if the tiny smirk playing at the corners of his lips told a different story for less than a second.

“I shall find you momentarily,” he continued after a breath and you nodded before you said goodbye to the host of the grand celebration for higher society before family and true friends would claim all’s attention closer towards Christmas Day. The only attention you wished to garner was that of your beloved husband though. And that you most certainly had.

≪⁕≫

The door closed silently, a mere click of a sound echoing from the other side of the room. You stood by the bed in the guest room that had been arranged for you and Richard at the grand estate, waiting for him in your stockings and a red satin string that was wrapped around you as if you were a present for him. It curled around your thighs, stretched up in a V over your upper body — the silky fabric rubbing against your nipples teasingly — only to flow over your shoulders and become one line before twisting and wrapping around your waist until the two ends tied together in a simple bow. The ends dangled right at your pelvis.

Your body was nearly fully showcased for him yet the view you offered where that of your back while you listened to his breathing grow heavy. It was such a small difference, but each part of Richard was controlled — ordered and precise — so to hear his breath hitch and falter, growing heavier and deeper, made you feel utterly powerful.

“Love,” he exhaled as your bared cunt began to wet the string where it was wrapped several times from all directions over your core. The part of you only he had ever touched, tasted, smelled, filled. “What, in god’s name, is this wondrous creature I’m beholding? This cannot be my sweet little wife, my pure little flower, my innocent little love,” he hummed with a thundering vibration in the low tone. It made your entire body heat and soften.

You had never done such a thing before, it was so vulgar — so erotic. But for him, you wished to be every bit as lust-inducing as he was to you wrapped in the finest velvet and softest silk, the lightest of cotton; a glorious present for you to unwrap each and every evening. You wished to grant him that same thing, no matter how nervous you had been thirty seconds ago, how many times you had to convince yourself over and over that he would appreciate it, that he would enjoy it. Enjoy you daring to do such a thing as dress yourself in a mere string and stockings.

You dared not turn while his footsteps echoed out, moving him ever closer. Your stomach corded itself with knots, your palms turned damp and it felt as if you weren’t able to drag enough air into your tight lungs. And then he touched you.

The second his warm finger began to stroke a line from your shoulder to your bum, along the string at your back, you felt yourself let go of your inhibitions. His touch was light but worshipping. “You are exquisite, my love,” he exhaled with awe in his voice. You leaned your head back and closed your eyes as his finger skimmed your buttock and stroked along the line of your stocking before sliding over to the other leg and repeating the motion upwards to your shoulder.

He grabbed your neck sturdily. A gasp slipped between your lips. He stepped into you, his nose in your hair and his stomach against your back while he inhaled your smell without hiding it. “Richard,” you moaned as his other hand wrapped around your front, splaying out over your stomach atop the red silk. “I shall enjoy this,” he murmured darkly before his teeth graced the shell of your ear and you whimpered. “Hush love, you have done most beautifully,” he continued and the praise sent spikes of pleasure through your very soul.

“Turn for me, love,” he commanded gently but he twisted you around with the hand gripping your neck while you obeyed. There was no fighting the demand in his voice. You loved that. Loved that he could be so dominant, and commanding, yet you never doubted he held you at the forefront of all his actions — your safety and comfort of the utmost importance for him. “Merry Christmas,” you exhaled as you came face to face and he smiled. That special smile that was for you and only you. When his heart was overflowing with love, appreciation, and awe for you; that was when he gave that smile.

“Merry Christmas, love,” he said in return and leaned forward to plant the softest of kisses atop your forehead. “I love you,” you whispered while every nerve in your body was set aflame by his hold of you. “As I love you.”

He leaned back and released your neck, taking half a step back. He admired your body, from head to toe and lingered in certain places you knew he had a particular fondness for. All your fear, your worry, your self-consciousness, it all melted away under that adoring gaze.

“You are perfection,” he whispered, almost as if it weren’t meant for your ears. “Such a gift,” he continued and your breath hitched as he hooked your eyes with his grey ones. They were endless, love-filled, clear and open. All for you.

“Stand still, sweetness,” he demanded quietly and you nodded. At a loss for words when he became that man in the bedroom. He could be the sweetest lover, the gentlest of bedders, or he could be him. You loved both equally but when your husband took command and allowed some of that dominance he had in his veins to shine through you got excited. After all, you trusted him completely.

So, you stood still. Your chest heaved and your thighs rubbed together but there was nothing you could do about that. “Such pretty string,” he murmured as he lazily dragged his finger along it down your front. “Such, a pretty, bow, my love,” he continued as his finger grabbed one of the ends and began to tug. You wanted him to rid you of the now-stifling silk and touch you everywhere. To take and claim, ravage and caress. You were his and you wished him to be as desperate as you to re-establish the never faltering law of it being so.

His fingers hooked the string and, with a jerk, you were flush against him. The edge of his lips turned upwards in a smugly satisfied smile. You radiated heat, his warm finger against your soft stomach sent chills along your spine, stiffening you.

“So pretty,” he said, “like the day I found you.” “Richard, please,” you said while you tried to hold your hands still — to not reach for him or bury your fingers in the gloriously grey strands of hair skimming the neckline of his gorgeous coat and shirt perfectly matched with a lush cravat. “You are mine, mine alone,” he said and grabbed your neck with his free hand before slamming his thin lips against yours. You moaned and melted into him, unable to resist touching him for another second.

He groaned as you tugged at the lapels of his coat, skimming your hands upwards to his neck before embedding your fingers between the soft strands of hair you always ended up tugging on. He grabbed one of the ends of the string and pulled it, unravelling the bow effortlessly. “You never cease to amaze me,” he said into your mouth, against your hungry lips.

He took half a step back, dragging a whimper from you at the lack of contact. But then he went down on one knee, pulling the string away from your body gently, methodically, while watching the slightly red marks left behind. Leaning in, he kissed your upper thighs, your stomach, the mound of your core. You were on fire for him. Seeing him kneel before you were a pure aphrodisiac.

As he kissed his way up your body he slowly rose and dragged the string with him. Once you were free of it he directed you to the bed, pressing down on you until you laid flat on your back among the lush covers. “Hands,” he demanded and you offered them to him. He tied you up, pulled them over your head and tied the string to the bed. Your chest heaved, your skin covered with a slight misting of sweat from the pure heat of your insides while he straddled you, leaning over with a hand by each side of your head.

“All tied up for me,” he said and kissed you before backing down along your body, leaving a new trail of kisses searing your sensitive skin. When he reached your cunt and began to lick and suck you writhed beneath him. Moaning, calling his name like a prayer. He built you up, up, up while the sound of a muted Christmas carol from the ballroom ended up fully tuned into his movements.

You exploded a mere moment later, your entire body convulsing and trembling while your dear husband lapped at your entrance with a satisfied humming. “Mine,” he said and kissed each of your inner thighs while he raised himself up on his knees.

You looked with hooded eyes up along his body, the light dusting of grey chest hair, the rounded stomach he boasted so perfectly paired with his thick thighs and strong arms connected by broad shoulders. He was magnificent. “Mine,” you said in return and his eyes widened with a wave of lust muddling the clear grey colour.

He grabbed your hips, and with one single thrust, he was buried within you. You gasped and threw your head back at the amazing sensation. Richard’s groan filled the room as he pressed himself a bit further in, filling you completely.

“Beautiful,” he said and you looked up at him only to see him view you with the warmest of adorations in his eyes. It made your heart ache. Before you had become close, there had been only cold grey in those eyes of his but now, now they shined and shimmered with all things lovely. Always for you, only for you, with and by you.

You tugged on the red satin string holding your arms in place, wanting to touch him yet being fully into the restriction keeping you in place for him. You would give yourself to him in any manner, whatever he needed or wished for you wanted to be. As he was all things for you.

He straightened and grabbed your thighs, tugging you down so far the string was fully stretched and tensed. It dug into your wrists, offering a hint of pain with the pleasure he provided, heightening it. And then he moved, withdrawing and pummelling back in with vigour. Drawing moans from the both of you while the bed rocked.

Your body burned, his grunted breaths and quiet moans filled your ears while your own body tightened and tensed as he built you up once more by each stroke hitting the perfect spot in your already sensitive core. When he moved his hands down to make one of his thumbs circle your clit you cried out.

He kept going, taking your pleasure while you convulsed and shook by his actions until he thrust into you harder and harder, more erratic in his motions while he chased his own climax. You whimpered and moaned as your orgasm was dragged out by him and then he stilled. With a guttural groan, he spilt into you. Claiming you anew, marking and searing you with his cum.

After a moment of silence filled only by your shared panting and the muffled music of the live orchestra down below he laid down atop you, supporting his weight on his elbows while untying the string. The second your arms were free you wrapped them around him. Exhausted and blissed out, happy and contented beyond measure.

“I love you, angel.” “As I love you, my sweet love.” “When you spoke of our marriage coming with strings attached, I must confess these were not the type of strings I imagined,” you smiled out, knowing full well what strings had been attached to your marital bond.

Richard chuckled, “Indeed. Quite preferable strings, though. Do you not agree, my sweetness?” “I wholeheartedly agree,” you answered and kissed his cheek while he snaked his arms in under you. “Any strings, I’ll tie any and all strings to have you,” you continued as his breath hitched, right by your ear. “You stole the words out of my mouth, my love.”

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

A/N: Oh, I just adore Richard! 😭 He’s just so amazing, gosh I love him… I hope you enjoyed this continuation of prompt 4 darling! I had so much fun writing this, and isn’t it just so wonderful to imagine our dear Judge Turpin in a happy marriage filled with mutual love? Gosh, I love it… I hope you feel the same darling 💚

Taglist: @lizlil @snapefiction @darkthought15 @monstreviolet @flowerdementia @marvelschriss @once-upon-an-imagine @ravennight41 @caseydoodles98 @slytherinprincess03 @theconsultingdetectiveswife @grimmyhild @monster-energies @myobscureimaginarium @snowblossomreads @eternal-silvertongued-prince @cherryglossie @setsuna-meiou31 @helena211 @a-queen-and-her-throne @justsaturn0 @turvi @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky  @sunnylikesfrogs @mamawolfsmith16 @dianilaws @elizabeth-baelish @severuslovebot @leah1243 @thethotthatbreathes @rickmandowneyjr @yellowbadgermole @snapesangel @commodoreseverus @snowblossomreads @leah1243 @reinekefoxart @reiketsunomizunomegami @lokisbjchn

Want to be tagged? 💚 You can tag yourself HERE! Or tell me and I’ll gladly tag you! 😍

[Dec:2022]

[schrijverr]

Growing Pains [Dick's POV] 5

Chapter 5 out of 6

Dick knows who Barbara is under the mask, Barbara doesn't. This causes some strange interactions as their friendship develops.

In this chapter, Dick tries to navigate school with his only friend being Barbara, though she doesn't know it. Something that isn't always so easy.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~~

Chapter 5: Natural Ally

Barbara is a little weird, Dick decides after a few days of studying her. His first day had been less successful, but with B’s training he has become subtler in studying her and his mess up was useful for something, because he figured out to drop his ‘friends’.

Dick doesn’t like any of them and it seems Conrad and his little gang are more than happy to drop him when he doesn’t want to fall in line.

Having to adjust to being high society has been really strange, but having Robin helps. He saves his anger and excitement for the night, when he can jump off roofs and whoop as loudly as he can and be as annoying as possible. Keeping that safe makes the performance easier.

However, he knows these people aren’t his people and the more he learns about the socialite life, the harder it is to relate to them. So, he kind of floats along, friendly enough to get along with everyone, but not really befriending anyone.

He’s also not planning on befriending Barbara either. Out of everyone, she’s most likely to get his experiences, also not raised with wealth and, not to mention, a sidekick like him. But she’s still on probation in his book. He’s watching her.

And without her noticing too! Suck on that, he can totally be sneaky (and no, he’s not still sulky about when she managed to sneak up on him!).

After their near miss altercation, he’s determined to mean mug her again, just a little, but of course Alfred has to make him feel a little bad about it. So, he acts as normal as he can while he broods and is glad he did so when the guilty feeling creeps up when he realizes they’ve been excluding her.

He convinced B to give her a grappler too, but he wants it to be perfect. It’s a peace offering and a sorry, so it needs to be good. So when they’re in Mrs. Holland’s class, there is a moment where they can talk, he takes the opportunity. “What’s your favorite color?”

“What?” Barbara says, sounding appalled.

Dick’s guilt grows a little, she parades in a purple version of Bruce’s costume, of course he should have known that already. As apologetically as he can, he says: “Oh, yeah, of course, sorry, I should know.”

He turns back to the front in embarrassment and it’s not until Barbara taps him on the shoulder and asks: “Are you okay?” that he remembers that she doesn’t know he is Robin.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, quickly trying to hide his stupidity behind politeness like he does whenever he’s out as Dick Grayson, letting out a relieved breath when Barbara seems to buy it.

Though she does scrutinize Dick the next day. He doesn’t know if she caught on – and a stupid part of him kind of hopes she has, he wants a friend – so he just sends her a smile and says nothing, letting her interpret it as she wants.

Apparently she interprets it as him being Dick and not Robin, which is good. They still don’t trust her, not entirely, not with that. It’s good that his mistake flew under the radar. But still.

He and Barbara have been getting closer- well, he and Batgirl have. They make fun of B together and take out bad guys. She’s his friend and she’s right there! He just can’t talk to her. Which means he’s all alone. Friendless.

It’s a little sad. He’s not used to it. He’s used to a loud circus filled with people, making new friends in every city or town they went to. But here, all stationary in a big mansion with only Bruce and Alfred and no friends at school… it’s lonely.

So after their run in with the Commissioner, Dick wants to make her happy. Cheer her up. So, he asks Alfred to pack him some cookies.

He doesn’t even think about it. In that moment it’s natural that he would want to do something nice, just like he made B get out of there after the comment. Barbara is his teammate (though he still loathes to admit that sometimes), of course he wants her to smile again.

When he comes in the next day, Barbara looks tired. Dick is tired too – comes with the territory of being a hero – but she looks tired-tired. Not just stay up late tired, but emotional tired. It’s an emotion Dick has come to know well this year.

So, he doesn’t even think when he turns around, cookie in hand, only for her to snap: “What?”

Okay, rude, he knows she is still sometimes a little jealous or something, but he’s been working on it. No need to get mad. However, he knows she’s been through a lot, she’s deflecting onto him, just like he did to Bruce when he found out about Batman and Tony Zucco. (See Alfred, he listens when you try to counsel him.) So, he just holds up the cookie and says: “I have an extra cookie.”

“Congratulations?” Barbara shoots back sarcastically.

Now Dick is taken aback. He thought they were becoming friends, but now she’s shutting him out again. Did he do something? She seemed okay with him last night, so what changed?

Then it hits him and he quickly tries to save himself: “No, I mean, would you like one? You look tired.”

“Wow, thanks,” Barbara says and Dick cringes, this is not at all how this was meant to go. He just wanted to do something nice to cheer her up and all he’s done is make her hate him. That’s not the plan.

Dick is grasping at air, not as good as Bruce at sweet talking yet, so he has nothing to say to get him out of the pit he created. Fortunately, Barbara speaks again first. “But I would like a cookie.”

“Here you go,” Dick says, relieved, giving her the cookie, feeling some satisfaction when Barbara takes the first bite and seems to unclench a little. Mission success.

“Thanks,” she says.

“You’re welcome,” he replies, turning back to the lesson to hide her from Mrs. Holland, so she can eat the cookie in class and to give her space. Dick Grayson is not her friend, Robin is, she doesn’t want to hear from him now.

After that incident, he tries to be more mindful of it. It’s no good breaking their secrecy just because he wants a friend. So, life goes on as normal and Dick and Barbara are strangers.

That is until Poison Ivy throws Barbara off a roof and Dick is nearly too late to save her. He can’t do that. He doesn’t want to. When he comes home with Bruce that evening, he says: “Barbara should be in the know.”

Bruce gives him a look – not a mean one, not a dismissive one, just curious – and asks: “What’s the reasoning?”

Dick likes that about Bruce, he’s always willing to hear him out. He’s not his dad, not really. He won’t ever be his dad – well, not soon anyway – he’s too young and inexperienced. He doesn’t treat Dick like a son, he treats him like an equal and, honestly, Dick can use that right about now.

“She totally figured it out already,” Dick exclaims. “She always figures it out before me, there is no way she doesn’t know. Pretending she doesn’t for your ego won’t help. We need to work together better, getting her on the com system will help, but Alfred is on there too. So, she’ll need to know, right?”

“Alright, next patrol we’ll tell her,” Bruce agrees and some nerves that he hadn’t been aware of are soothed by that answer.

“Whoo!” he cheers, because cheering and being happy about that is better than thinking about how she looked when she fell. How they looked when they fell.

“But wait until patrol,” Bruce warns. “We- we had an encounter as Batgirl and Bruce. She might not believe without seeing and you never know who’s listening.”

“Alright,” Dick agrees easily. He can totally wait until patrol. Then he tastes the blood in the mouth, mixing with Alfred’s cookie and he wrinkles his nose as he says: “I think one of those plant monsters punched out one of my teeth.”

So, Dick spends the morning classes at the dentist to get checked out, luckily discovering that it was a baby tooth with an X-ray photo.

He’s happy when he gets to school in time for the break and even happier to see Barbara, alive and well. Sometimes it’s nice to have the reassurances and today he needs it especially. So, he walks over to her table, ready to sit down only for her to-

“No.”

“No?” Dick repeats, unsure where the no came from. Is she still mad about him getting mad? No, right? They were good when they parted, he made sure they were good. So why the no?

“No,” Barbara repeats, sounding more firm. “I don’t know why you’re obsessed with me, but no. Not in the mood. Scram.”

Hurt. That was the emotion Dick felt. They had had a rocky start, sure, but last night was their big finale, right? They finally got each other. What had happened between then and now that made her act like this? Unable to hide all of those thoughts whirling around in his head, he softly says: “I just want to be friends.”

“Why?” Barbara asks.

Dick frowns, isn’t that obvious? So, he shoots back: “What do you mean why?”

“What do you mean with what do you mean?” Barbara says, her brow furrowed as she watches him, before suddenly her eyes widen, as if she realizes something.

It hits Dick that he was wrong. She hadn’t figured it out- well, she has now. He gave it away and now she knows and they’re staring at each other. A stalemate.

If he doesn’t say something soon, she might and then Bruce will get mad because he was supposed to wait for patrol and not spill the beans, because who knows who might be listening. She can’t, under any circumstances, mention their night life.

So, he panics and quickly says: “You’re right, I’m being weird. My bad,” and prepares to make a hasty retreat. He can try again tomorrow.

Before he can successfully get away, however, Barbara stops him: “No, I was being rude. Sit down.”

That’s an order if he’s ever heard one and while Robin has never listened to Batgirl giving an order, he isn’t being Robin right now and despite his screw up, he does want to befriend Barbara. It’s only natural, right? She’s his ally. His backup. His friend.

It’s quiet.

And awkward.

Dick is terrible at awkward silences, so he tries to find something to say that won’t put her on the sidekick topic, but also isn’t too out of place. In the end he settles on: “So, uhm, what is your favorite color anyway?”

Barbara laughs and he mentally facepalms, though he can’t help but be happy that Barbara is happy again, not sad like she was last night. He also likes that he gets to see her eyes as she looks at him and smiles. “Purple. It’s purple,” she answers.

Ha, he thinks, called it!

[impishtubist]

Here’s a bit of chaos: Percy raised some valid points when he didn’t believe Voldemort was back. The story sounds utterly unhinged from the outside perspective and the vast majority of the world (read: everyone but Dumbledore and maybe a couple DEs) has no clue the man has horcruxes so nobody else can think of how this is possible, why the fuck would they think this actually happened when absolutely none of them know a single way to come back from the dead 14-ish years after the fact?? There is no earthly way the Weasleys ever would’ve taught Percy about horcruxes, they probably never even heard of them until Dumbledore told Harry, so Percy has no way of knowing that Voldemort has a way of resurrecting himself, there’s no documented proof Percy has of this ever happening and it’s not like the dead are regularly coming back in Percy’s life (excluding the future event of Harry surviving the Killing Curse again). Harry is insisting he came back, but Harry just endured a horrifically traumatizing event of witnessing the death of a schoolmate and memory isn’t always reliable. Also, Dumbledore is a shady guy, we see him recruit child soldiers and seemingly do nothing to run the school despite being headmaster (meaning, what the hell is he doing all the time? It’s not taking care of student safety, that’s for sure), Percy’s right to be skeptical of the man (another shady thing Dumbledore did: only telling one person about the horcruxes, rather than the entire group of grown adults who trusted him implicitly). The entire story sounds nuts, literally who would go “of course this man, who died over a decade ago and who hasn’t been seen in person since then, has come back to life, with no explanation of how this actually occurred and the only witnesses being a man who’s been a prisoner in one way or another for almost half his life and seems to be stark raving mad and a child who just witnessed someone die and who has been in a life-threatening situation all year and is possibly having a stress or sleep-deprived hallucination, this makes total sense”? There is no solid explanation for how Voldemort came back given to most people, Dumbledore was essentially going “yes, I know exactly how he came back to life, but I won’t tell you, just trust me bro, he’s for sure back.” I’m not so sure I’d believe this story either, not until someone told me how this man managed to resurrect himself

Probably the biggest surprise to myself in my return to fandom is that I have become part of the Percy Weasley Defense Squad. Obviously not as much as I am part of the Sirius Black Defense Squad, but man, the books really did that kid dirty!

First off, he spends his life being the butt of his family's jokes for *checks notes* being studious and liking to follow rules???? Everyone is just so mean to him. Or, if they're not actively mean, they just plain don't get him, and let me tell you, that is a fucking lonely feeling in your family.

And then he goes to work for the Ministry and is once again thrown under the bus by everyone, even his boss, who is the Minister of Magic, and he's, what??? 18 years old???? Like jfc he is a CHILD!

And yeah! It really isn't all that outlandish for him to be suspicious about Voldemort actually being back! Why would he believe that without question????

Justice for Percy!

(I actually think Sirius and Percy would become quite good friends tbh. They're both outcasts in their own families. I think Sirius would be pretty fond of him actually)

[misslavenderlady]

Happily Ever After 💔

Paul/Star

Summary: "From the time she had first gotten to know them, David had fascinated her, but Paul had always been the one she could talk to. She sometimes wondered just why that was. Before she and Laddie had come here, Paul had been the newest member of the gang. She thought that perhaps, more than the others, Paul still remembered what it meant to be lonely.....Paul had left with a wave, telling her not to worry. They were all going to live happily ever after"

- The Lost Boys Novelization by Craig Shaw Gardner

I was surprised to read in the novelization how close Star was with Paul and how he was depicted as being the kindest of the Lost Boys, especially to her. This story is a big "what if" scenario of how much closer the two could have been before his downfall.

WARNINGS: Nsfw/Smut/18+ Readers Only, Fingering, Handjob, Vaginal Sex (unsafe), Bittersweet Ending (Paul's death is still canon), Sad tones in the second half, Hurt/Comfort

Star struggled a bit more every day with her half-vampire status. During the days she would just sleep in her little nook and during the nights, she fought the need for blood by finding more filling, human food to eat. It wasn’t always helpful though. It was getting harder to stomach just food by itself. Sometimes she’d have to isolate herself from others because the scent of flushed faces and pumping hearts from the people having fun on the boardwalk was too much for her to handle. 

Still, she needed to fight. Until she could figure out a way to cure herself and her little companion, Laddie, she would have to keep holding on to her dwindling humanity. The better example she set for the little boy, the stronger he would be too. 

The Lost Boys had been rather unsympathetic. David, being the leader, wanted her to give in and finally join their “family”. Right now he was treating her like a disobedient child, giving her disapproving looks and scolding her for not giving in. 

Marko had been the first to join David as a Lost Boy, so he was completely devoted to him. He was practically second in command to the gang. Dwayne had been next to join, and while he could sometimes be a bit more friendly, he was still just as much of a follower to David. The two of them were like annoying brothers, always teasing Star and excluding her from certain activities. The more they did this, the more she disliked them.

However, when she thought about Paul, she felt a bit different. Paul had been the last to turn before Star came into their group. None of them talked about their long-forgotten human lives, but whenever she expressed sadness over her humanity, there was a hint of sympathy in Paul’s eyes. She wondered if he understood the conflicted feelings she had and if he too had once been excluded by the other boys. 

He really was the sweetest out of the four members of the gang. Paul always loved making others smile with his corny jokes and laid-back personality. She would have blamed it on the pot he always smoked, but even in his sober moments, he could be quite kind. He played with Laddie, affectionately calling him ‘Bud’ and ruffling his hair whenever they hung out. He was always giving his friends hugs and telling them how much he loved them all.

With Star, he had a very special way of showing her kindness; he actually listened to her. He was the only one to sit with her on the couch and talk to her about her day, asking how she was feeling. If she was worried or mad about something, he would take her hand in his and assure her that it would all work out. If she was upset about a fight with the others, he’d do his best to comfort her and tell her she was their family. That they cared about her, and he would talk to them on her behalf if she asked him to.

Though lately she had been growing closer to Michael, she felt as if she had to keep some emotional distance, worried that if he gave in to the bloodlust before she did, he would be another Lost Boy who treated her like an unwelcome guest. David had quite a strong influence on him after all. It was hard to open up the way she wanted to with Michael, but she didn’t feel that way with Paul. He knew her better and was so gentle and sweet when she needed him. 

In a way, she sometimes felt like Paul was her first love for her. 

Before the boys had left to feed for the night, he had seen her sulking on the couch with Laddie. When she expressed her concern, Paul smiled and assured her that they all would “live happily ever after”. It was naive of him to think that way, and while she had been upset before, now she just felt lonely. Laddie had gone off to play in a different part of the cave with some toys she had bought for him at the boardwalk. She was grateful to be out of his sight, as she was too much of a mess to be seen.

In her nook of the hideout, Star was wrapped up tight in the blankets, weeping into a pillow. She needed a good, long cry by herself to get out all the strong, overwhelming feelings that consumed her. She did want a happily ever after. It wasn’t a silly idea like she thought before. She wanted to be welcomed and loved, and she was constantly denied it just because of the choices she made. 

Tears flooded down her cheeks and stained the fabric of the pillow. Her throat ached with a need to sob loudly but was instead silenced by how hard she held back. She couldn’t risk Laddie hearing and worrying about her. 

Star was so caught up in her depressive episode that she didn’t even hear a set of footsteps enter the cave. After having a successful feed, all the Lost Boys had cleaned off the blood, and taken their bikes out for a ride around the city. Paul had decided halfway through to head back to their hideout, using their mental connection to tell the others that he was going to enjoy a smoke and listen to some music.

What they didn’t know was that he was actually missing Star and wanted to check on her. 

Paul kept thinking about how somber she was earlier and felt a bit guilty for leaving her alone. At the moment he had thought it had been for her benefit, as he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by having her witness the bloodbath of a feeding the boys had planned. He knew his friends were pushing her to join them, but he at least wanted to give her more of a choice. Now he realized that not including her in other activities wasn’t the best thing to do either.

When he entered the room and heard the sound of her crying behind the curtain, his guilt only increased.

“Star? What’s wrong…?” Paul asked, gently peeling the curtain open. Star frantically began wiping her eyes with the blanket, trying her best to calm down so he wouldn’t see how she was truly feeling. 

“P-Paul! It’s nothing…I was just feeling…t-tired…” she explained, turning over so she could face him. She hoped he wouldn’t see any signs that she had been crying, but the look on his face told her he could. 

“Starlight, please talk to me. I’m worried…” he said, using one of the nicknames he had developed for her. He carefully shut the curtains behind him and stepped into the small nook Star had turned into her bedroom. 

When she had first turned half-vampire, Paul and the other Lost Boys had given her presents to decorate her room. They wanted to welcome her to their nest and allow her to be comfortable before she finished her transformation. When it became clear she wasn’t going to, the rest of them had stopped showering her with gifts, feeling betrayed that she was prolonging things. 

Paul was the only one that still brought her special items for the room, not wanting to make her feel forgotten. Most recently he had brought her a pretty seashell he had found one night after a hunt on the beach. It now sat on a table in the corner of the room along with a collection of other treasures Star had gotten. 

“Paul....please...don’t say things like that…” Star sighed. Having him call her pet names and be gentle with her was only making her need to cry stronger. As bad as she wanted to let him comfort her, she didn’t want to come across as weak. 

A pout formed on Paul’s face when she said that. He really wanted to help her and didn’t quite understand why she was trying to push him away. He sat down at the edge of her bed and reached out a hand. Being a rather affectionate person, Paul was comfortable with things like hand-holding or cuddling with his friends. Despite being a fully turned vampire, there was still a lot of love in his heart for the people he cared about, and he wanted to express that love in the ways he did best.

Star hesitated for a moment but ultimately decided to put her hand in his. His skin was quite cold, but it didn’t put her off. Her own body temperature was lower too, so the feeling wasn’t uncomfortable. Besides, he was always so gentle when he touched her. It was hard not to melt a little when he did things like this. 

“I’m sorry…” the blond said. He ran his thumb over her knuckles, massaging the skin carefully to comfort her. Star could feel her hand tremble, the tears in her eyes threatening to return. “I…we shouldn’t have left you alone. We could go see a movie together tomorrow night or maybe get some food at that diner you like…” 

Star really wanted that, but she knew deep down even if they did make those plans, she’d still feel lonely. The boys would laugh and cause mischief and have fun, but she wouldn’t. If it was possible to feel lonelier with people than by herself, that’s exactly what Star felt whenever they were all together. 

She was starting to whimper, barely holding back the sadness that was building up inside. Paul could see it clearly, so it didn’t help her feel any better.

“No…I’ll still be alone…” she said, voice shaking. Her stomach churned and her lip quivered. “I-I’m always so a-alone…P-Paul..” 

The flood gates were wide open now. Tears were rapidly falling down Star’s cheeks now, and her body was shaking as she was overwhelmed with her emotions. Paul acted quickly, letting go of her hand to instead open his arms out and wrap them around her figure in a hug. His heart was breaking for her, and all he wanted to do was help make her feel better. 

“Oh, sweetheart…I’m so sorry…” he whispered to her. He began to gently rake his fingers through her wavy hair with one hand and rub her back with the other. He nuzzled and pressed soft kisses on the top of her head, being so gentle with his motions out of fear of hurting her. She was being so vulnerable right now, and he didn’t want to be anything less than supportive. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel worse than she was feeling at this moment.

“I can’t change, Paul…I’m not ready, but I’m tired of being so excluded….ignored…” Star whimpered. “Every day is harder than the last….sometimes I don’t even want to get out of bed…” 

Paul frowned, but didn’t stop his motions. He just held her and assured her he was there for her. It was so hard seeing her so sad. He would be the first to admit he didn’t always understand complicated things like depression and anxiety, as his vampire life had allowed him to forget what it was like to feel those things. However, there was still that small memory deep down of being alone and scared as a human, fearing life without friends or family. He was so grateful to have the Lost Boys, and he wanted to show Star that while she was adjusting, she would have him.

“Starlight…I wish I could make it all better. I don’t want you to be in pain…” Paul told her. He moved his kisses down to her cheek, trying to dry her tears with a bit of love. What scared Star more than showing him how depressed she felt was how much she wanted him to kiss her more. Michael was still in her head, but Paul was tugging at her heart.

“Paul…” she started, pulling back a little to look into his eyes. While David’s blue eyes were sharp and cold in both color and emotion, Paul had a surprising amount of warmth in his own blue eyes. They reminded her of the ocean she used to love when she could be in the daylight without feeling exhausted. A warm, welcoming body of water that would wash away her sorrows. All she wanted to do was swim and be consumed. 

“Please…help me feel…better …” Star pleaded. She hoped that despite how her mental link with the others wasn’t as strong with her half-vampire status, Paul could still hear the words in her head that she wasn’t brave enough to say out loud.

“Please make love to me”

He must have been able to hear her because Paul’s expression shifted from a concerned pout to a soft smile as he nodded. Paul unwrapped his arms around her and took her chin in one hand, tilting it closer to him. The space between the two disappeared as the blond pressed his lips to hers, kissing her as gently as possible. 

Star could feel her heart fluttering in her chest. Despite her human memories being fuzzier, she knew no human guy had ever kissed her so sweetly. Paul may have been a rebel and a flirt, but he treated her with so much love. He caressed her chin as he pulled her in closer, not daring to let go. 

She was grateful that the boys always chewed gum to cover up the scent of the blood they drank. He tasted so fresh and inviting, and it made the moment all the more enjoyable. Star could feel the tears on her face beginning to dry as she returned the kisses Paul gave her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and ran her fingers through his wild, blond hair. Everything about him was so amazing, and she wanted to savor every second with him.

Paul wanted her to be more comfortable, so he helped lay her down on her back on the bed. The pillows she had piled up made the space extra cozy, and it was ideal for what she wanted to do with him. Star relaxed against the surface and spread her legs open, silently letting him know he was more than welcome to get his body closer to hers. He read her loud and clear, moving his hips in between her legs and pressing them against her lower half. A soft gasp escaped Star’s lips from the surprise of finding he was already getting quite hard for her.

“Mmmmm….Star…baby…~” Paul moaned against her lips. He was slowly moving his body against hers, grinding and aching for more. She was so incredibly beautiful to him. He remembered when she first met the gang on the beach and how enchanted he had been from seeing her flowing hair, glowing skin, and radiant smile. He’d do anything for that smile to return to her pretty face. 

“Paul…please touch me…~” Star whispered in between their kisses. She was aching for more of her new lover, and she thought she’d start crying again if she didn’t get it as soon as possible. 

The blue-eyed boy was quite a good listener. He broke from kissing her lips to kissing her neck as he began to slide his hand down the front of Star’s body. He moaned against her skin as he caressed her neck, chest, stomach, hip and finally down over her skirt. As he kept necking her, Paul helped slide down the skirt, exposing Star’s long, beautiful legs to him. Underneath the skirt was a pair of white panties, and he couldn’t help but think of how well the color suited her. Whenever she wore skirts or blouses in the soft, bright color, it added to the angelic look she already had. 

“Let me take care of you, angel~ ” Paul moaned, slipping a hand down into her panties. Star was still shaking like before, but now instead of it being from her sobs, it was from the excitement she felt as Paul’s fingers caressed the lips of her pussy. He had long, nimble fingers that were often curled around the handles of his bike or carefully holding a joint. Clearly, they were useful for other things as well~

“Oooooh…f-fuck…~ ” Star whimpered, her eyes closing and her hips arching closer to his touch. Paul had moved his lips up from her neck to her ear, using them for speaking sweet nothings to her. 

“My beautiful little Starlight. You sound so pretty when I touch you like this~ ” he purred. His fingers had gently parted her pussy and found her aching clit. He had barely begun to touch it and already she was getting more vocal for him. That made him happier than ever considering Star was always so quiet when the gang got together. It would be a shame not to encourage her to be as loud as possible.

“P-Paul…mmmm…yes~ ” Star moaned for him. She could feel her pussy getting wetter by the second, coating Paul’s digits thoroughly as he gently fingered her. He rubbed circles around her clit, gradually building up her arousal and getting her to moan as much as possible. All of her worries and fears were starting to fade away, replaced with nothing but pure lust. 

Star whined and gave her lover a look that told him she still needed more. She tugged at his jacket, silently asking for him to shed his layers of clothes so their bodies could be closer to one another. Paul nodded and pulled his fingers away for only a moment to start stripping off his jacket and mesh top. He could see the hunger growing in Star’s eyes as he showed off his body for her. 

“Take your shirt off, angel. I need to see more of your gorgeous body~” he asked her. 

 Eager to do as he asked, Star slipped the loose blouse over her head, exposing her perky breasts to the blond. She felt her cheeks warm up as Paul very obviously eyed her up and down. Whenever he saw something he liked, he was very open about how he was feeling. If that didn’t show the attraction he had for her, then the throbbing cock that sprang out when he slipped off his tight pants and underwear certainly did. 

With a lick of his lips, Paul leaned in for another kiss with Star. His fingers slipped back in between her legs, continuing the motions from before on her clit. A sigh of relief escaped Star’s lips and she eagerly moved her hips to match the speed of his motions. 

“That’s it, baby, that’s it~” he moaned in between their kisses. He loved how warm and wet she was for him. It only made him want to ravage her more. To his surprise, Star expressed the same desire by reaching forward and taking his cock in her hand. Paul let out a low moan as she started to slowly stroke the length up and down, matching the pace of his own motions. 

“Aaah fuck, that feels so good, Starlight..~” Paul sighed, continuing to touch her. The heat their bodies were both building up made it feel like they were both human again. Just two, young lovers giving in to their needs and exploring their bodies. It made Star feel so much better than she had felt before. 

“Ooh Paulie…~” she whimpered, struggling to speak as she felt the pleasure building within her body. Paul’s cock twitched and throbbed in her hand and all she wanted was to feel him inside of her. With it being so hard to speak, Star simply kissed him and spoke to him mentally, just as she did before.

“Paul, I’m ready~”

The goofy smile Paul often had was spreading across his face after “hearing” her request. He gazed deep into Star’s eyes and stopped toying with her in order to take her hips in both hands. Star’s smile was more sheepish as she wrapped her legs around his waist and guided his cock down to her entrance. 

The moans that both of them made when Paul pushed himself inside her were so beautiful. A shiver ran down Star’s spine as Paul’s cock slowly filled her up, pulsing against her pussy. It was a miracle he was able to hide such a thick cock in the skin-tight, white pants he wore all the time. 

“Ooooh fuuuuck, Star~ ” he moaned out. He was gripping her hips tighter now as he felt her pussy squeeze him, coating his dick in her juices. He didn’t even have to think about starting to slowly pump in and out of her, his body just naturally moved on its own. It felt good to give in to his natural urges with her right now.

“Aaaah~! Y-Yes, Paul…~!” Star sighed, her fingers gripping his hair as she pulled him in for a more deep, slow kiss. He felt so perfect inside her, and she needed to keep touching him as he fucked her in her bed. 

At one point she had fantasized about this with Michael, wondering what it would be like with him since she could tell he hadn’t done anything like this before. But that didn’t matter to her right now. She had the familiarity of Paul and the passion he had for her as both a friend and a lover. This felt like the right choice. Being with Paul was all she wanted. She was so happy being in his arms that she could cry again, but tears of joy this time. Paul wouldn’t break her heart or add to her sadness. 

“Starlight, my angel, you’re so perfect. You don’t have to change anything about yourself, you know that~?” he whispered in between kisses. Her moans were getting louder as he picked up the pace of his thrusting. She felt so full and warm~

“There’s no need to rush, baby. Even if you want to go back to being human, I’d still like you…~”

Paul was now massaging her hips, caressing her so nicely as he took her. His head was clouding with lust to a point where he didn’t even think before speaking again.

“I’d still love you~”

Now Star really was crying tears of joy. She knew in her heart it wasn’t a slip-up in the moment of passion. Paul was truly a kind man and she could tell he meant it when he said he loved her. In all the times they spent talking, all the special gifts he brought her, and all the ways he tried to cheer her up on her worst days, it had been out of love. He would never be a human again, but he still had the heart of one. 

“I…I…mmmmh…~” Star struggled with her words. It was both from the fear of actually saying them out loud and the pleasure she felt from their love-making interfering with her ability to speak. Instead, she held him closer, kissed him deeper, and spoke to him in her mind.

“I love you, Paul”

The instant he heard her say those words, Paul’s body kicked into overdrive. He suddenly moved up, and lifted Star’s hips up at a higher angle, moving in and out of her at a faster, deeper pace. His sharp, vampire nails grazed her skin, threatening to dig down so he could have as tight of a grip as possible. He was fucking her so thoroughly, aching to feel every inch of his cock being consumed by her perfect pussy. 

Star’s reaction to this was clearly one of pure happiness. She let go of Paul, instead finding herself gripping the sheets above her head, her own vampire nails tearing at the fabric as she held on for dear life. Her back was arched, her head thrown back and her voice forming nothing coherent. Only the sound of her wetness, his thrusts, and their combined moans were filling the room. It was a good thing none of the gang was nearby because she couldn’t hold back any sounds right now.

“Yes! Yes! YES! Oooh fuck, don’t stop~!” Star pleaded. She was loud and proud with her voice, not daring to hold back on Paul. Soft tears pooled from her eyes as she was consumed with the intense pleasure and love they shared together. He was slamming his cock deeper and deeper, pounding the most tender spot inside of her body. He felt like a wild animal, eager to claim what was his and just letting his instincts do the work. All that he could truly think about was giving Star all the pleasure she deserved.

“Ooooh babyyyy, I’m close. I’m so fucking close for you, Star~” Paul grunted, the pleasure building more and more by the second. She was soaked all around his cock, and he wanted nothing more than to coat her in warmth. From the look on her face, it seemed like she was feeling the same way.

“M-Me too…fuck, Paul…cum inside me…please~ ” Star moaned, her nails now digging deep inside the bed itself. She felt a wave of pleasure building higher and higher inside her body, ready to consume her completely. All she could think about was being with Paul and getting to that moment of ecstasy with him. 

The blond kept thrusting nice and deep inside Star, growling as he ravaged her body. When he felt that familiar sense of orgasm rushing over him, he pulled her in close, firmly keeping his cock as deep inside her pussy as he could. 

“FUUUUUCK~!! STAR!!” Paul growled out. His body tensed and his fangs bared as shot after shot of hot, white cum poured out of his cock and straight inside of Star. His mind had gone totally blank from the intense sensation, and now it was just his body acting on the primal need he had. 

“OooH Paul~! ” Star cried out, her climax just as intense. A high-pitched scream escaped her throat as she felt herself cum with Paul. He felt so warm inside her, filling her to the brim, and she couldn’t get enough of it. Her entire body was shaking from the intensity and her head felt dizzy from the overwhelming impact. She had never felt anything quite like this before, and her heart was racing as fast as it could. 

As the two lovers breathed heavily together, Paul carefully laid her hips back down on the bed and slowly pulled his softened cock out of her. His whole lower half was glistening from the wetness of her pussy, and he couldn’t have been happier. With his thoughts more clear, Paul gave Star a dopey smile, cuddling up next to her on the bed. 

Star felt wet and sticky between her legs, but the satisfying feeling that washed over her body made it worth it. For the first time all day, she had a genuine smile on her face, and it was all thanks to Paul. She grabbed one of the blankets by the side of the bed and threw it over both of their naked bodies. Now a bit more comfortable, she cozied up with Paul, getting close and nuzzling her cheek against his neck. He giggled from the sensation of her hair tickling his skin. 

“Thank you, Paul….for being here for me…” she said with barely a whisper. As they cuddled up together, Star felt better about talking more. “I didn’t mean to pout…everything is all just so overwhelming lately…” 

“It’s okay, angel. I know I felt the same way when I first joined. But you’ll always be loved, and even if it takes the others longer, I’ll do whatever I can to help you smile again” Paul assured her, peppering kisses against her forehead. “We can talk about anything you want, whenever you want, Starlight”.

The next couple of hours involved Paul holding Star in his arms and her venting about different things on her mind. She talked about the other Lost Boys and how complicated things had gotten since Michael showed up. She expressed concern about how young Laddie was compared to everyone else and that she didn’t want him to miss out on a life a normal kid is meant to have. She even said that despite the awful home life she ran away from, there was still a part of her that missed her parents and that she always wondered if they were missing her too. 

Paul didn’t always understand her problems, but he understood she needed comfort. He listened as carefully as he could, holding her in his arms and giving her gentle pecks as he did his best to provide advice when she asked for it. As the night was winding down, he could tell she was feeling a lot better. 

Knowing the others would be back soon and that they all needed to rest, the two lovers helped each other get dressed again, preparing to separate for the day of sleep. With one last chaste kiss, Paul gave her that heart-melting smile again.

“I love you, Star. You’ll get that happily ever after like I said you would. I promise”

As the two parted ways, Star couldn’t help but wonder if that happy ending would include Paul as well. 

One Year Later

A lot had changed in Star’s life over the past year. Being human again was something she was incredibly grateful for, as it allowed a transition to a healthier, happier life. She was excited to get up every morning, grateful to be energized by the sun instead of weakened by it. 

Santa Carla had become a stable home for her, as the local Widow Johnson had taken her in as a foster daughter, no doubt feeling lonely from the loss of her husband and her grown children no longer living with her. Star helped out with gardening, and errands and even learned how to sew, giving her the chance to design some new clothes.

After Laddie had been reunited with his family, Star had become a frequent babysitter for the child, earning the trust of his parents after she had “rescued” their son. She was happy to see him enjoying a normal life again.

Thanks to the help of the Emerson family she had gone back to school, ready to get her diploma and see where her potential career path would go. Michael had been so helpful and patient with her, taking the time to assist her in adapting to school life and keeping her grades up. She had even made some good friends that she got to spend time with during weekends. 

Speaking of Michael, the two had grown closer than ever after the struggles they had survived together. They understood one another and had begun to date after Star settled into her school life. After six months of dating, he had gifted her a promise ring, vowing to stay by her side in any other challenges they crossed together. She was truly in love with him, and he was with her. 

It was all so perfect. Everything went as it should. A happily ever after.

But that didn’t take away from the fact that it had begun with the first real loss of Star’s life.

The bloodbath that had transpired at the Emerson house was hellish. In the heat of the moment Star’s instincts were just focused on keeping Laddie safe and shielding him from the death and destruction as the Lost Boys and their sire, Max, met their downfall. However, the trauma of one death, in particular, had overwhelmed her more than anything.

Paul.

He went in such an awful way. He was grieving Marko, furious and solely focused on avenging his best friend after seeing him staked by the Frog brothers. Even as she was hidden from the scene, she could hear the pain in his voice. It only got worse when he fell into the bath of holy water.

She had heard everything. Every shriek, every animalistic howl, every drip of his flesh melting off his bones. It made her violently ill, but in the moment she couldn’t even stop to cry for him. 

After Max had been slain, the human side of her, Laddie, and Michael had returned, and they celebrated regaining their true selves. However, it was a day later that the pain truly hit her. The Emerson family had been busy enough with rebuilding their house that they hadn’t noticed her sneak off back to the cave that she could no longer call home. 

All she had done from sun up to sun down was scream and wail, overwhelmed with grief when she truly realized Paul had been killed and would never come back to life. She had thrown things, smashed glass, punched different surfaces, anything to get out the overwhelming heartbreak she was consumed by. By the time the sun had set, her knuckles, arms, and feet were bloodied and bruised from the chaos. She had curled up on the couch they had all shared, and silently sobbed, all the tears in her body already shed. 

Star never wanted to return to this place again. After she had cried herself to sleep and woke again the next morning, she decided to take one keepsake, and never come back. She thought a lot about what to take. She didn’t want something too crazy like the boombox Paul loved to play music on or the tin that he kept his smokes in. No, they weren’t special enough.

It wasn’t until she returned to her former room that she realized what she wanted to keep. The seashell. The last gift Paul had given her before his death. The one she looked at on her nightstand before they made love. Now looking at it in the sunlight for the first time, she realized how much the blue color reminded her of his eyes. The ocean eyes she would never see again.

This was how she’d remember him.

With one last glance around the cave, Star said goodbye to the life she was ready to leave behind. 

Part of her felt guilty for falling in love with Michael. There was one half of it that came from letting go of her love for Paul and one half that came from not telling Michael that he wasn’t her first love. She didn’t want to treat him like a second-best option, as the experience they faced together had truly brought them closer than ever before. 

If he ever asked her to marry him, she’d be happy to say yes. They could build a life, grow old together and savor every moment they were alive and human. It would truly make her happy. 

Despite the warm kisses and loving looks the two shared, she would always have that love for Paul. The kindest Lost Boy who made her feel like she belonged when the others didn’t. She would always mourn him on the anniversary of his death. She would always look at the seashell when she missed him. Maybe one day the pain would fade and it would be easier to cope. For now, when she had bad days she would take a moment to be grateful for that goofy boy with the wild style and ocean eyes. 

She hoped he would have been proud of her and her happily ever after. 

[ina-nis]

“Unavailable people.” I’ve been thinking about it.

I’m one of them, too. That much I can tell (with the avoidance and everything).

It’s bothering me because, in the end of the day, the problem is, indeed, me. I’m the one to blame and I “push” the blame onto others to ease my own burdens. Of course it doesn’t work, does it?

I call others “unavailable” as if they owed me something when they don’t. Most of the time, they don’t even know me.

“Is this someone I can date? No? Then I have no interest in them.” Therefore I preemptively exclude someone from any deeper connection with me, considering I won’t get what I need from that relationship.

It breaks me that I do that, and I keep on doing it. The alternative is resentment and anger - if I could establish and maintain my bonds, of any kind, with others, I would not be in this pinch - when I start becoming resentful it’s when the bridge between me and the other starts falling apart, and it will every time.

Me and my brittle threads. Even the slightly amount of tension is enough the break them.

So I’m left juggling a bunch of unfulfilling relationships with people I have no possibility of dating, start resenting them for that fact and break free from those “shackles” not long after; or I keep coming back because I’m so starved for affection and intimacy, the smallest drop will have me on their feet like a dog; or I play pretend and purposely starve the connection from any meaning because it feels absolutely pointless and a waste of time/energy.

I know there’s always 2 sides to this.

The one I can see, the one I am, is not great... The other? Who even knows! I don’t stick around. Time is not on my side, my patience is limited and I have very little energy to spend on bullshit.

It is bullshit. No wonder it angers me.

I’m supposed to become a social butterfly and an open book so that I’m more welcoming of people and experiences, instead of doing... whatever I’ve been doing.

Or rather, not doing.

Meanwhile, I don’t see all that from others at all.

Maybe I can’t see past my hurt, my trauma and my pain.

Maybe I can’t see past the bad experiences.

Maybe I can’t see past the perceived rejections and abandonment.

Even when I try to not do that, to not treat people as a monolith, where all are the same, or as a dichotomy, where there’s people to date and people I’ll come to resent... it’s hard to find nuance when I’m hurting the whole time.

And by trying to heal on my own, I’m just hurting more instead.

Yet, I know this is my own predicament and my own journey.

I just wish I didn’t have to deal with it on my own anymore. Not in the “we’re not alone in this” kind of way, nor in “there’s people in your life already”, or in “value your current relationships instead of destroying them” kind of way either...

If those things could bring me actual long-term relief, I’d indulge with all my might, but they do not. They become triggers, always.

It’s not that I’m denying or not recognizing that there’s others suffering like me (we should not suffer this way), or that I’m ignoring or not valuing my relationships (I’m thankful for them and they still both don’t help and also trigger me/make me resentful over time). I feel guilty and ashamed about not being able to maintain them, I feel really bad about resenting people over something that... well, it’s not minor I guess... it is a big deal for me. I wish it weren’t.

None of those things take my pain away. They feel more like workarounds and placeholders. Temporary fixes for a chronic problem.

None of those things make me feel any less lonely. They do make me feel lonelier, definitely ends up making it worse than better.

I don’t know if what I think I need would make the pain go away. How can I know without experiencing it?

I definitely do not know if I’ll ever be able to obtain what I need. What else am I supposed to do?

It’s nobody’s fault.

That’s my own problem...