#just smoked and ate with my coworkers

[lckydog]

:}}

[honeyshiddendesire]

Office Secrets

Chapter One: Wine Spills and Bright Ideas

Summary: You hated office parties but when your boss personally invites you then the fun and long list of secrets begin. 

Characters: CEO! Trafalgar Law x EMPLOYEE! Reader

Warnings: 18+ !! flirting! Law catches reader in undies! Mentions of masturbation and sex! Reader can’t stand her coworkers! FEMALE reader! 

Masterlist

You were the employee who kept to herself, you ate alone, kept the small talk, if any, to a minimum, hell you even skipped out on all the office parties. You tried to stay low on everybody’s radar because despite working in the same office for a number of years you didn’t want these people to be anything more than just coworkers. Friends? In the workplace? Yeah you’d rather smash your own head in then have these people know anything about you. You only needed this place for the big ass checks and you wanted to keep it that way. So for years you avoided every party that went on in your office, that was until your boss personally asked. 

You never spoke to him up close, his assistant Bepo, was always the one that handled things around the office most of the time so it shocked you when on your way out one day that he called your name. 

“Excuse me Y/N.” His deep voice made you freeze, the hair on your neck standing up as you slowly turned around. Your brain racing in different theories of why he would call your name, the fact that he even knew it made you nauseous. “Uh…yes sir. How can I help you?” You reply as you adjust your glasses to look up at him. 

“The party tonight.” He says simply not continuing and you just raise a brow. You watch his tattooed hands go to adjust his black tie and it makes your heart skip a beat, you never seen them so up close before. The word D E A T H  was on his fingers in black ink along with a weird symbol but you didn’t want him to catch you staring for too long or he might notice the drool coming out of your mouth. 

Ugh do men even understand how hot the tie thing is let alone adding some tattoos into the mix or maybe they do it on purpose as a trap. 

“Yes?” Your tone was an obvious question that made him give a small smirk. “I noticed they’re not your cup of tea but…” He pauses to look around, as if he was making sure the both of you were alone before he leaned down a bit toward you, his voice lower as he spoke again. “I would love to see you there.” You really didn’t want to go but with a man as handsome as him leaning down into your personal space with that charming smirk of his, the strong powerful scent of his cologne invading your nose, who were you to refuse. 

That’s how you found yourself currently standing in front of the mirror contemplating your choice in attire, almost regretting never going to one of these parties cause you had no idea what to wear. You wore a long loose blue sweater dress, blacked heeled boots with your hair slicked back into a ponytail. You could’ve cinched your waist with a belt but clothes showing off your curves wasn’t much of your speed, instead you left the sexy for underneath. You had quite the guilty pleasure when it comes to all things lingerie, you always took out some of each check just to splurge on a couple nice sets. No one ever got to see them but whenever you were feeling anxious about going to certain events you gave yourself a nice confidence boost with some pretty pieces underneath. 

So taking a deep breath you said fuck it and grabbed your purse, you were already running late so there was no point in changing now that you were already dressed. It wasn’t long to get to your job, that was always a plus in your eyes. Sighing as you parked into your usual spot, you rolled your eyes at the fact that your smoking hot boss was able to sway your decision so quickly. Why the hell did he even want you there so bad? 

“Fuck my life.” You mumble as you get out of your car and head into your office, glad that you at least were by yourself for a short moment on the elevator ride up. The sound of awful music playing loudly along with chatter among all your coworkers was heard the second the doors opened up making you mentally groan. You walked out with your eyes glancing around to spot a drink or something to wash down your growing nausea that this damn party was causing. You found the table that was full of soft drinks and food but none of it caught your eye like the bottle of moscato that was almost empty. Pouring the rest of the moscato it barely filled your glass which made you frown until you heard that same unmistakable voice speak to you.

“I’m sorry I should’ve brought more, I didn’t realize there was someone else who enjoyed moscato like I do.” Your boss observed with a tone of amusement from behind you that made you look in his direction. “Oh sir, it's not a problem at all.” You smile politely as you stare into those charming stormy grey eyes of his. 

“I’m glad to see you here.” Your boss smirked at your shocked expression and the way you fidgeted with your glass in your hands. “Thank you sir.”  You never had an issue with staring people in the eyes until your boss started speaking to you. One of his slender tattooed hands went up to run his fingers back in his hair, your eyes unable to look away from him, the glint of his gold earrings shining brightly making you wonder how they moved when he was railing someone in bed. Specifically you- but you were way too shy to ever make the first move when it came to that sort of thing. 

“You look beautiful.” He says as you take a sip of your wine nearly making you choke on the beverage. You miss how he licks his lips as you go to reach for a napkin to wipe your face, his mind racing with ravenous thoughts of you. “Sorry- thank you sir.” You mumble out awkwardly as you throw out the napkin in the can beside you. “So I have to ask…What usually happens at these office parties anyways?” 

You smile when you notice his grey eyes roll like beautiful storm clouds as he lets out a sigh, “Nothing besides me dying of boredom.” His voice whispered as he scanned the room and his admittance made your heart race with excitement. “Ah~ so I’m not the only one who hates these things.” You joke and he only nods. 

“The difference between you and me is that I have to attend. My father always said it was good for business if the owner shows a different side of himself to his employees.” Your boss tells you, his tone irritated but still holding amusement which made you laugh. Leaning over a bit to keep the conversation just between the two of you, “Okay so tell me why I had to come here if I’m not the CEO like you.” Your boss only chuckles as he once again gets closer. 

“Because if I had to suffer alone one more time at these stupid parties I’ll end up on the news.” His joke makes you laugh louder than you expect which catches the eyes of some of your female coworkers who instantly give you dirty looks when they notice the hot boss talking with you. “Oh my god seriously? I’m just your insurance policy so you don’t burn the place down huh?” You joke back and he nods his head, a smirk on his face as he looks down at you. “Keep that between us okay? Shh people are coming over.” He says making you frown as you turn your head to spot the office birds flying over. 

“Oh my goodness Y/N I never thought I’d live to see the day you actually attend something.” The woman known as Sharon says, ugh that woman’s god forsaken voice could make paint peel in a second. “So anyways what’s so funny. I love a good joke.” 

“Wasn’t anything worth repeating.” Your boss says making you inwardly cheer at your shared secret. “How are you enjoying yourself Sharon?” He asks and you can’t help but notice how his body tenses up, his voice losing the amusement that he showed you just moments ago. 

“I’m having a great time Mr. Law, I just love~ how you always attend.” She tells him and his mouth goes in a tight line, a vein in his forehead threatening to pop at her comment. “Well it is my office. Can’t leave you all to yourselves now can I.” Sharon must have thought he was trying to be funny because she laughs like a mad woman, her arm going out to slap yours and in the process knocking her glass of wine all over you. Red fucking wine might I add. 

“Fuck!” You say out of pure natural reaction feeling the cold wine soak your whole front. 

“Goodness I’m so sorry I’m such a clutz sometimes. You should really go take care of that, you don’t want to ruin that fun sweater you’re wearing.” Sharon says with a sassy tone, the use of the word fun clearly a jab at your attire. 

Fucking bitch, you found yourself thinking but unfortunately you just had to smile. “Yeah I’ll go do that no problem. You should probably take it easy though or everyone might get the impression that you’re a messy drunk.” You bite out with a fake smile as you head to the ladies room, missing the way your boss has to hold in his laugh at your remark. You instantly flooded Law’s thoughts the second you walked away, the woman yapping away in front of him but he couldn’t care less. From behind him he heard some other females talking about how annoying they thought you were, or how you thought you were too good to ever attend these sorts of things and that you deserved Sharon’s wine all over you.  It was Sharon making a joke about you that had his thoughts stop in their tracks. 

“Excuse me?” Law said, making Sharon halt her words with wide eyes. “Sir I was just joking, it’s just harmless hazing. It was only a little bit of wine.” Law’s breath came out sharp as his eyes lowered into a glare that made her blood run cold. “I didn’t realize I hired someone so disrespectful in my company.” He snaps as his fists ball up in his pockets, his eyes watching you go down the hallway towards the bathrooms in the back. 

Heading into the bathroom you peel off your dress angrily shoving it into the sink and under some cold water. That bitch must’ve just poured herself a full glass since there was so much on the front of your dress. You just bought the damn thing and you highly doubt that it would be fixed, “Dammit.” You used your nails to scrub against the fabric completely stopping when you heard the door, which you thought you locked, suddenly open. 

“Y/N I wanted to ask-oh uh.” Law, your boss immediately paused as he saw you bent over the sink with your dress off trying to get the wine stain out. He knew you would be trying to get it out; he just never expected you to take the whole dress off leaving you in that lacy embroidery you were currently wearing. His eyes were unable to look away at the different color flowers that did nothing to hide your nipples and your pussy, he could tell the lingerie was for sex appeal definitely not for coverage. The garter on your mid section connected to leg rings that squished your soft thighs and suddenly he was never more jealous of a piece of fabric in his life like he was now.  

“Sir!” You shouted his name like three times till your voice had to get louder, his beautiful grays finally looking back up at you in shock. “This is a lawsuit, you know.” You say to him putting a hand on your hip, no point covering up since he already got a good eyeful of all your special bits. “Shit! Shit - I’m sorry, you’re right.” He panics but for some reason his body won’t seem to turn away, his eyes dropping down to look at you over one more time. A curse coming out of his mouth in a raspy breath that made you smirk as you called out to him again. His body finally cooperates as he turns to face the door but doesn’t leave, his face heating as his brain recalls everything over at superspeed. “I had to ask you a question but- are the women here usually so catty with you?” 

Law’s question had your brows raise before your face dropped into a frown, your hands going to shut off the water with a sigh. “Yeah but I don’t give a fuck. They try to see who can get under my skin but all this place is to me is a fat ass check.”

“I see.” Law says making you mumble a ‘sorry’ but he only chuckles, “Why be sorry I should be the one to apologize? I can understand now why you hate these things.” You throw on your dress after you ring it out as best as you can but still some of the wine remains. You walk towards the man, the sound of your heels making Law stand up taller at the sound.

 “So Mr. Law you let me in on your little secret of hating office parties so maybe we can add this ordeal onto the growing list huh?” You joke as you go to step in front of him, leaning in close, his tanned cheeks heating up as you smile at him. “Sorry again. It seems like I owe you a raise.” 

“HA! If that’s your way of trying not to get me to sue for sexual harassment then it’s a deal but-I’m still heading home. I enjoyed our banter though  sir. I must say I’m shocked you noticed me despite my skills at trying to stay off the radar.” You say as he opens the bathroom door for you, both walking down the hallway back toward the office. “Actually it’s because you try so hard to remain unnoticed that I noticed you.” He smirks and it makes you fidget a bit as he stares down at you. “Oh I see nothing gets by you then. I’ll see you next week sir.” He just nods and you turn quickly to grab your purse off your desk and head out of this dreadful place, your boss’ eyes staring you down as you walk away. 

The image of you in that beautiful lace was making his body hot, and if he so happened to think about you in it while he fisted his cock between his hands later on then that was his business. It’s not like you needed to know that as he laid in bed that whole weekend that the thoughts of you only grew stronger, or that he pictured what would’ve happened if he bent you over the bathroom sink. The filthy thought of just coming up behind you to push those lacy panties to the side as he shoved his long cock into your dripping pussy made him groan into his elbow. Thinking of one of his tattooed hands having to cover your mouth that would hopefully spill out lustful moans, picturing himself having to look over your shoulder to stare at your fucked out expression in the bathroom mirror. The way you’d moan out for him as he shoves a few fingers into your drooling mouth as he runs kisses along your neck with his hips moving at a rushed pace so neither of you would get caught. 

“Fuck-” Law finally groaned deeply as he came all over his black silk sheets, rolling his eyes at having to change them now but the carnal desires were just to powerful. The whole weekend was tortuous for him and here he was at 5 in the morning on a Monday needing a shower before work. At this rate he’ll be running late to his own business because of you and that only made him want to see you more. Dressing in his nicest all black suit he headed to the office the thought of you still plagued his mind. Now as he drove his fancy sports car he started to picture you riding him in the backseat making the tinted windows all steamy.  

“Fuck my life.” Law grumbles as he heads up the elevator, shock washing over him as he noticed you were the first one there. That was rare, usually you showed right on time so you wouldn’t be spotted. “Y/N I see you’re here early.” 

The sound of your boss making you go still, your cheeks growing warm as your brain replayed all the dirty fantasies that you came up with over the weekend. Turning in your desk chair you looked at him walking over toward you, that same amused smirk on his face just like at the office party. “Sorry sir, I hope that’s alright. I realized after going home that I still had something to add to my pitch for the meeting later.” Your honesty made Law groan as he ran a hand over his face. “Shit I might have to make you my second assistant because I forgot all about that.” He groaned as he leaned against your desk and you couldn’t help but smile at him being so relaxed whenever he was around you. Law always made sure to look so polished and strict around everyone but here he was letting his walls down with you for some reason.

“It must be rough with Bepo on vacation. He seems good at his job.” You say as you cross your legs, sitting back in your chair. You weren’t the most flirtatious woman around but there was no way you could miss the way Law’s eyes immediately dropped to your legs. His stormy eyes following up from your sexy stilettos all the way to the hem of your skirt, swallowing the lump that he suddenly felt in his throat. He couldn’t help but wonder if you had on another lingerie set, hidden from view and man was it getting hard to breath all of a sudden.

 “Mr. Law if you keep staring at me like that then people will think I earned that raise in some unsavory ways.” You smiled as you noticed his eyes snap up to your face. 

“Yes…that would be quite -unfortunate wouldn’t it.” He comes to mess with his tie as he licks his lips before giving you that damn smirk of his. “I guess if those unsavory things were to happen we’ll just have to add it to our list of little secrets don’t you think.” His words had your whole bravado shattered just as you thought you had him where you wanted him, he proved that he was a man always with a plan. Hearing the elevator ding Law stood up from your desk just before the door opened, saving the both of you from prying eyes. 

“Good morning Mr. Law.” The birds squealed out happily making him wave a hand, “Morning ladies.” Giving them a small wave and nod he turned to you giving you a charming wink before heading to his office across from you. You watched the man stroll to his office with his earlier statement in the forefront of your brain. Did he want to fuck me? Your face warm with the thought of him bending you over his desk made you take a deep breath to settle yourself. 

Hours passed before it was time for the meeting where you would be making your first big pitch. The project was a banquet to raise money for children who don’t know what it is to celebrate their birthdays because they don’t have the money that would allow them to do so.  Since it was the company's 30th anniversary coming up you thought it was the perfect time to finally speak your mind and throw in some ideas of your own. Instead of the company getting the gifts you figured it would be nice to give back you just hoped your boss would think so as well. 

Gathering your stuff you head into the meeting room, your anxiety growing and bringing the nauseous you tend to feel with it. This would be the first time you ever stood up in front of these fuckers and you were not happy about it, you wish you could just come up with the idea and tell him privately but nope. Every month there would be this project meeting where everyone would lay out their ideas at that moment. Now knowing that he dislikes these people coming to him all the time though it made sense, one meeting every month was better instead of everyone popping into his office all hours of the day. 

“Okay everyone, who would like to go first.” Law said as he sat at the head of the table leaning back in his chair, his face stern as he scanned the room until his eyes got to you where the corner of his mouth lifted a bit. Before you could raise your hand though Cheryl beat you to the punch, standing quickly before Law could even tell her too. 

“I had this super interesting idea if I may Mr. Law!” She squeals and Law only sighs as he clasps his hands on the table, “Well seeing as you already stood up.” There was an underlying irritation to his voice that she clearly didn’t catch and you only smiled down at the table holding in your laugh that threatened to spill. 

“Animals.” She says and puts her arms out to her side like she just pitched a million dollar idea. You couldn’t hold it in seeing her face with a cheesy grin that quickly dropped hearing you laugh. You tried hiding it with a cough but she just put her hands on her hips and gave you an eye roll. “What’s so funny Y/N? I doubt you have a better idea.” 

“Sorry my bad.” You say not wanting to laugh at her pitch; it was just her mannerisms that had you lose it. Law leaned forward now, his eyes looking at you intensely. “Now Y/N I like to treat my company as a family so I won’t tolerate any rude behavior so please why not share your pitch for the rest of us.” He was trying to sound stern and strict but he couldn’t hide that glint in his concrete eyes. Your eyes widened as you looked at the man giving you a scolding, your body heating up under his intense gaze and as much as you wanted to stay focused you just couldn’t help your mind from wandering. 

“Okay, as great as animals are- we just held a banquet for them a month ago to save animals from deforestation. It was a big hit but I was thinking of the children this time around.” You say standing up and walking over to the projector to insert your usb, your presentation popping up on the screen. “I was thinking with the company’s 30th birthday coming up that we could celebrate by holding a banquet to gather donations to send all kinds of gifts to kids for their birthdays.” 

“How is that better than animals exactly?” Cheryl spat out and you sighed. “I never said either or is better I was just saying that we already did a fundraiser for the animals these past two banquets. The banquet held for saving Koalas and the one for deforestation were both super big hits so I just thought maybe we could try something different.” You further explain and she just rolls her eyes, Amber doing the same when they locked eyes. 

“I just think since you’ve never really done much here that you should just wait and let the rest of us come up with the ideas like we usually do. What do you even do here?” Amber says and you just give her a ‘are you for real’ look that makes her huff. 

“I’ve been working here longer than the both of you and I do the same job you all do. That means I’ve seen endless fundraisers for animals, all of which are great but there’s nothing wrong with some new ideas.” You state back before carrying on, “Anyways- I think we could set up a whole website where you list a child’s name, age and things that they like along with your address and someone anywhere in the world can choose what and how much they want to send. As a company you already have so many people who can donate thousands and that would jump start the whole program. Just think of schools and parents being able to give every child a birthday gift and bringing joy that's immeasurable just over one present to make them feel special. Each gift would be sent out before the child’s birthday to ensure they have at least something to open along with a card with a special note for them to hold onto years to come.”  

You flip through all the slides and mock ups of the website that you came up with along with possible ads that you could put on different platforms to make the whole thing possible. You had thought of everything, there was no loophole, or loose end that you left and it had everyone stunned. You may have kept quiet for years but there was a reason, when an idea was too good you never wanted to spoil it by sharing it too early. After you finished speaking you waited for them all to vote like they usually did but Law just stood up clapping his hands for you. 

“Outstanding! Absolutely incredible. This is life changing. Imagine how one gift could drastically change the hope for a child who never thought someone cared. Think about what they could achieve.” 

“It’s just a dumb birthday gift.” Amber mumbles, pissed since she’s usually the one that makes the winning pitch in these meetings. 

Law held out a hand to silence her, “Enough. It’s more than a gift, it’s a symbol that people care, that despite the circumstances you live in there’s still something for you in this world. I love it. We need to work on this as soon as possible. I’ll call my investors, we need vendors and caterers, I’ll leave those to you Y/N. Anything she needs, all of you help her, it’s her idea so she’s the lead on this. No more nonsense fights and childish behaviour. Break for lunch first everyone. Great work Y/N. I’d like to have a word alone with you in my office, please.” As everyone leaves you unplug your usb and put it in your pocket to fix your papers before following your boss to his office.

Once in his modern designed office, you gasp as you notice the view of the brightly lit city shining like something out of a movie. “I must say you’ve been holding out on me Y/N.” Your boss leans down to whisper in your ear making you shiver as he catches you off guard. “I’m glad to see that your brain matches that beautiful face of yours.” His voice drips with seduction that threatens you to partake upon but all you do is turn your face to his with a sly smile. 

“I’m glad you think so sir.” His eyes glanced down to your lips before he backed away to lean against the front of his desk. “Y/N I have a secret I’d like to add to our list if that’s alright with you.” Smiling you give a nod making him continue, his tattooed hand going to fidget with his tie, not missing how your eyes watched with lustful intensity. “Are you sure you want to hear it? I might have to give you another big raise so you don’t sue.” Taking a step forward you tell him it’s okay and he only smirks as his eyes scan your body. 

“I really can’t stop thinking of you. Have dinner with me tonight.” It wasn’t a question and you both knew it, he knew you’d say yes, hell- even you knew you’d say yes. But you both had a good banter between the two of you so it was only right for you to walk toward him. You let your hand grab onto his tie gently pulling until he leaned closer, “Hmm you’re right sir. I think I will need that raise but- if you can show me a good time after dinner then I think we can settle a good deal.” 

“Son of a bitch.” Law breaths out shakily and it makes you smile at him, winking as you release him before heading to the door. “If you’ll excuse me sir I’ll be heading out for lunch. You can pick me up at 7, I’m sure you can look up my address.” 

You never felt as sexy as you did in that moment walking away, even your secret stash of lingerie couldn’t rival the way that Law made you feel. Your body was buzzing, you thought your heart would beat out of your chest and the grin that was plastered on your face just looked like excitement for the pitch that he praised you on. If only they knew the chemistry between the boss and you they would have a fucking field day but you could give two shits about these fucking snakes. That man was yours and when you have your sights on something you’ll break as many necks as you have to in order to get it.

[gallium-spoon]

Ah yes, my favorite Magnus Archives antagonists such as:

Chain smoking anglerfish

Worms who commit identity theft

Delivery men who canonically look exactly like delivery men

Man who is also a maze

Woman who is also a maze who ate man who was also a maze

Hey, wasn't your coworker shorter yesterday?

Body builder who... Well, take a guess

Old man who just really fucking loves heights

Diversity win! Arsonist serial killer who serves a god of destruction has a lesbian crush on her God's Messiah

Homophobic vase (I couldn't leave out the homophobic vase)

Honestly are we sure that's not just a really big pig?

What if your shitty manager tricked you into the thrall of a dark god?

Man who just wants to die alone

The circus is in town! Oh no!

Woman who sees absolutely no downside to extinguishing the sun

Have you heard this new band? Their music is to die for!

Spiders

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Yandere coworker (part 11)

Tw: afab reader, this chapter is just some fluff and exhibiting a softer side of this problem man

Masterlists, part 1, part 12

All eight of you ordered the steak. Therefore, eight identical dishes were presented in front of everyone.

When it arrived, Cyprus spent no time cutting his slab into smaller pieces while chatting amicably with his friends. You wonder what for, because he usually eats larger chunks as he has a bigger mouth.

You began eating your fries and vegetable sides first, not wanting to tackle the meat. You're too mentally exhausted to work on it.

But before you could pick up your next fry, Cyprus swapped plates with you and you felt a sense of deja vu wash over. The meat was perfectly cubed to your bite size.

"Damn it, you ate most of my fries." He mumbled, stabbing the steak with his fork and slicing through it with his knife.

Your brain was on automatic, so you apologized and immediately transferred some of your chips over to his. Not realizing that you never asked him to cut the beef up for you and this technically wasn't your plate that you ate out of.

You're just too tired. Too tired to notice that he said, "Thanks, princess." As he pecked you on the temple and stroked you on the head.

Too tired to realize that you weren't acting mean towards Cyprus, proving his friends' point about how you're wonderful for him and you're not someone Cyprus should dump.

Neither of them mind that you were suddenly deathly quiet. As Cyprus had explained to them earlier that you tend to shut down after having too much social interaction for the day. They looked at Cyprus as if he grew two heads when he mentioned about your "social battery", because they considered that term as some sort of internet nonsense and your boyfriend is the last person they expect to unironically use it. Initially, it was embarrassing for Cyprus, but eventually he explained it enough for everyone to understand.

The women gush over how romantic it was that Cyprus cuts your steak up for you without hesitation or much thought. It's so natural for him to treat you like royalty. In turn, pressuring the men to do that for their girlfriends too.

The dinner went by uneventfully. Cyprus brought you back home earlier and ate the rest of your leftovers because you didn't feel like eating it anymore.

You couldn't really remember what else happened, nothing much must have taken place between the ride home and the time where you found yourself snuggling into his chest as you dozed off.

__

"Wake up."

You groggily grumbled, flinching when Cyprus blew air into your ear. You tried pushing him away, but he simply chuckled and groped all over your body.

"Good morning to you too, beautiful. Now, get up. We're going on a date." He whispered, learning not to overwhelm you this early in the morning. The last time he spoke in a voice too loud and upbeat at the crack of dawn, you burst into tears.

You whined, saying it's too early and it's a Saturday, you want to sleep in. Frowning, you wished Cyprus's energy levels matched yours, he would have made a much better boyfriend then.

"I want to smoke."

You told him to go ahead, because you want to sleep.

"I want to fuck you stupid."

You picked your head up and tiredly opened an eye. You told him no way, but you fell into his trap instead. He encased your lips in a passionate kiss, he must have just woken up too as it was sloppier than usual. But it was enjoyable nonetheless as you knew he had plenty of practice before you.

His large hands rubbed all over your body, snaking them under your (Cyprus's) oversized T-shirt and under the band of your underwear.

He pulled away when your thrashing began to get out of hand, signalling that you're running out of breath. But he didn't retract his hands this time, instead choosing to hold you close to him.

You panted and struggled to keep your heartbeat below the maximum while he hugs you as if you're his beloved stuffed toy.

"I want to get to know you more..." He murmured. There was a sense of softness and yearning in his purr, his fingers got to work soothingly carding your hair.

You said he knew everything there is to know about you. And he deems everything else as a side effect of your internet addiction.

"You never really talked about your friends." He drawled.

You remained silent, waiting to see where this conversation goes.

"I'm starting to think you don't have any." He sniffed your hair. "God, you smell good."

You said you do have friends, Cyprus is stealing you away from them. You pulled away from his hold, which was surprisingly lax and rolled to the end of the bed, furthest away from Cyprus.

"Oh yeah?" He propped his head up by an elbow while lying on his side, staring at you as the singular ray of sunshine coming from a gap between his curtains illuminated his face. You would never admit that he's extremely handsome without his glasses.

"Why don't you get texts and calls from them, then? I've been waiting to pick one up and tell them that you're busy with me." A grin made its way to his lips, fantasizing about how your hypothetical friends would freak out over the news of you having a boyfriend. Cyprus just likes letting the world know that you're his pretty girl.

You said that they have a life and they couldn't check up on you all the time. He narrowed his eyes at you.

"Really? Not even a "Look what I found" text? Not even a "This reminded me of you"?" His free hand found its way to your hips, tenderly caressing it up and down. "You're such a loser." He teased with a carefree smile on his attractive face.

You gulped, not knowing what to say. Cyprus gets calls from his friends regularly and actually cares about him. They want him around just because they love him as family.

You? Usually your friends (actually, colleagues) contact you if they want something out of you or to brag about their life when they couldn't find anyone else to be their emotional sponge or for some political reason.

His words made you reflect on your life. You don't think you have anyone you trust to help you out when times get tough in this city. Ironically, Cyprus would have been the first person you would call to get you out of trouble, because you have a strong belief that he would help you without hesitation no matter how much you think that he's an asshole.

You sunk your head deeper into his pillow, can't think of anything else to say to him without admitting you're more of a loser than you thought.

You wished you had your phone right now to pacify you and distract yourself from confronting the reality that your life isn't that great.

You saw Cyprus's eyebrows raise and knitted itself in concern. He scooted closer to you and cupped your cheeks.

"Did I reopen a wound? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like crap. Don't cry, doll. Come here." He opened his arms and invited you in an embrace.

Don't cry? You were confused why he said that until you began to sniffle and the tickle of your tears was registered in your mind.

Embarrassed, you buried your head in his chest to hide your teary mess of a face from him. Cyprus wrapped his arms around you tightly, cooing about how it's okay and he loves you.

"I took a joke too far, I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to come off as a judgmental asshole." He mumbled in your hair before kissing you on the crown of your head.

You progressed to pathetic sobs, the reality that you don't have anyone is dawning on you. And it's horrifying to accept.

You never knew what reaction you would get from him whenever you cried. Most of the time, he would brush it off as an insignificant, silly little tantrum. Sometimes he would drop everything just to comfort you, like right now. Perhaps he could feel that he actually hurt you a lot.

He slowly got up, bringing you up with him. Cyprus then rose to his full height, carrying you with an arm supporting your rear and your legs wrapping around his torso. You clung onto him, fearing that he might drop you and not wanting him to see you still weeping and vulnerable.

"Let's get ready for our date." He gently bounced you up and down, patting your back while he walked out of the bedroom. Of course, not before retrieving his glasses from the nightstand.

You sighed and sagged, there is no way you could worm out of this. So you asked him where he was planning on taking you.

"There's this farmer's market I've wanted to go to for a while now. I think you're going to love it there. I know I will, since you're going to be with me." He opened the door to the bathroom. Cyprus gently sets you down on the cold tiles, making you frown in discomfort.

He smiled at you, his bed head making him look less well kept than usual. It's charming in its own right.

"You can make hell seem like heaven by just being there." He ruffled your already messy hair. "You're so fun to be with, you know that?"

He bent down and pecked you on the lips, hushing you when a gush of tears started flowing again. Cyprus took the time to wipe them off with his thumbs.

"Go on, get ready. I'll be preparing breakfast for the both of us and I'll come back in ten minutes to check up on you."

You nodded, sniffling and wiping your face with your hand.

Satisfied, he kissed you on the forehead. "Crybaby."

He pulled away, only to dive back in to give you another kiss on the lips. "But you're my crybaby. Remember that."

He laughed when you tried hitting him and missed.

[joshsindigostreak]

Blue Christmas 💙🎄

Authors notes: Hi y’all!! This spawned from a dream I had the other morning and I couldn’t get it out of my head. My first official Rom-Com, and friends to lovers! Shout out to @gretasmokerising and @sinners-go-to-drink-the-wine to hearing me out with this idea and yelling at me to write it! Enjoy!

Word Count: 6813

Warnings: tooth rotting fluff, and SMUT at the end! MINORS DNI, unprotected sex (don’t be silly wrap y’all’s willies), alcohol use, agonizing mutual pining? I think that’s it.

It had been 4 weeks, 2 days, and 7 hours since Josh Kiszka had last spoken to you. The most he had ignored you since the day you met over 2 years ago. His cubicle was stationed next to yours, and you could always look to your right to see him typing away at his computer, eyes trained at the screen and never once glancing over at you. He would arrive in the mornings silently, and clock out at 5 without a word. But it was the lunch hours that hurt the most. Ever since you had started this job, he was always your lunch buddy. He showed you where all the good vending machines were, and how to get down to the courtyard on the bottom floor where most of the office population ate their lunches. You hadn’t seen him down in that courtyard since…the incident…and you sat at your usual table most days hoping you’d see him come through the double doors, lunch in hand and a smile on his face. But in the weeks since, he had either eaten elsewhere or stayed in his cubicle working. A few times you tried to stay behind as well, hoping the silence from being the ones in your general vicinity on your floor would coax him into conversation, but it didn’t work. 

But what was this “incident”? What was the catalyst to make him so cold to you all of a sudden? As you twirled your mouse over your screen pretending to be busy, your thoughts drifted back to the day everything changed. 

Josh had a usual lunch table. It was in the courtyard, but in the back corner where he could have the best privacy. This back section used to be the smoking section before smoking was banned per company policy, but they left all of the plants and hedges in place that separated it from the rest of the courtyard. His lunch hour was sacred. It was the part of his day that he could be by himself and not have to talk to anyone if he didn’t want to. Not a lot of people sat back there, which was another blessing. But he didn’t mind sharing it with you. He jumped at the chance to show it to you on your first day. You made a comment about how it was very “Rainforest Cafe” that endeared you to him even more. Ever since, it has been the two of you back there, hidden amongst the hedges. 

That day wasn’t much different from any other, a run-of-the-mill Tuesday in the middle of November. For that time of the year, it was unusually warm, so you felt that it was imperative to take advantage of it and sit outside when you still could. You made your way down to your table, walking past various coworkers chattering away. You could smell the Caesar salad through the container in your hand and you couldn’t wait to dive into it. Finally you made it to your table in the back corner, with your lunch buddy sitting with his back to you as he typed away at his laptop. He was a true workaholic, but his efforts never went unnoticed. Your immediate boss, Ted, always gave shout outs to Josh in meetings, and you would be lying if you said the way Josh’s face would tinge pink every time didn’t melt your heart. He was absolutely terrible at taking compliments. He was deserving of all the praise, hell he deserved a promotion at this point with how much he led the team, but he would get so bashful whenever someone would tell him so.  Sometimes…you would compliment him on purpose just to see the color rise in his cheeks, and if you were lucky, a glimpse of the dimple on his left side.

You slid onto the bench that was bolted to the table, a fixture that hadn’t been updated since the nineties, you were sure. Normally you sat across from him, but today you just had the itch to be in his personal space. 

“Whatcha working on?” You asked as you popped open the container for your salad.

“I am working on…a PowerPoint…,” he quipped, giving you a playful sideways glance. 

You nodded, letting him type and fill up the current slide as you dumped your salad dressing into the container and mixed it with the greens and grilled chicken. After a few minutes of silence, you leaned over to him, brushing your shoulder against his, “you need a cool transition. No PowerPoint is complete without a cool transition.” 

At this he stopped typing and turned his face towards yours, seemingly unbothered with how close you were to him, “I can just see the look on Ted’s face when he hears the ‘whoosh’ between slides about projected first quarter profit margins.”

 

“That man needs a good laugh. Or to get laid. Maybe both,” you nudged his shoulder before going back to your lunch. 

“Don’t we all…,” Josh mumbled to himself. You almost asked him what he meant but he was quickly back at it, filling out bullet points and inserting graphs on the side. It wasn’t unusual to see him this engrossed in his work, but frankly, you were bored. This was the one hour you could truly hang out with him and not have to talk shop. Your friend needed to relax, and not let his work become his life. He always told you that the more he got done during the day meant the less he had to do when he got home, but you knew that was a lie. He always came in the next day with more work than when he left, and sometimes you wondered if that laptop bag of his was surgically attached to his shoulder. 

Your salad was long gone and Josh was still typing away, clicking back and forth from his data and his project. Knowing what would get his attention, you innocently poked at his side, and held back a laugh when he flinched and smiled. This spurred you on, and you poked his arm now, forcing him to make a typo. He was trying so hard to not give in, to not give you the satisfaction that he was amused, but he was failing. 

You upped your ante by reaching for his ear. Gently, you ran your fingertip down the shell of his ear, feeling every curve and contour before brushing the skin next to his earlobe. This caused Josh to visibly shudder, and he tried to cover it up by suddenly jerking his head to the side to pretend to bite your finger. You erupted in giggles before you were aware of how close his face was to your hand. Before you could stop yourself, you extended your fingers to lightly cup his jaw. Instead of backing away, he leaned into your touch, a move that neither of you were expecting. His fingers stilled on the keyboard, and slowly backed away and into his lap he turned his body to face yours. 

The logical side of you wanted to just laugh and lean back onto your end of the bench as if nothing happened, but the other side of you, the side that needed him, was telling that first side to shut the fuck up. Letting the intrusive thoughts win, you leaned closer to him, and you hitched a breath when you saw him do the same. There was no space between the two of you, your right thigh was firmly against his left, heat radiating through both of your respective slacks. 

Before either of you could think about it too much, Josh closed the gap between you and slotted his lips onto yours, lazily taking your bottom lip into his mouth. The action caused you to moan against him, and you seized the opportunity to deepen the kiss. The professional side of you was screeching in your head that you were literally at work and in a courtyard full of people, but the rest of you argued back that no one could see you given how tall the hedges were. 

One of Josh’s hands slid up to your face, mirroring what you were doing to him, and his other hand snaked around your waist, desperate to have you closer. Your tongue slipped into his mouth, and he opened up for you instantly. For several moments, you made out like teenagers on that bench. 

You weren’t close enough to him, and before you could protest he lifted you up and over his lap, allowing you to straddle him. He was thanking God that the greenery was so overgrown that you couldn’t be seen in the position you were in. 

As you settled down onto his lap, the rigid outline of his cock pressed up against you, and you instinctively grinded down on him. He bit your bottom lip to keep himself from moaning too loud, but it was futile as that only caused you to let out a breathy moan of your own.

He was kissing you like he was starving, and you couldn’t get over just how good he felt. You always stole glances at his lips, noting how perfect his cupid's bow was and they were the most enviable shade of pink. 

But just as you lowered yourself back down to grind on him even more, a very loud and obnoxious cackle was let out across the courtyard. Of course it was Vera’s obnoxious ass laughing at whatever the fuck. This caused Josh to break away from you, sobering him up to the situation. He was suddenly very aware of you straddling him, with bruised lips and tousled hair. He couldn’t…he couldn’t be here much longer or else he wouldn’t be able to stop. Without any preamble he guided you off his lap and slid out the other side of the bench and adjusted his belt buckle and smoothed down his shirt. He didn’t even glance at you when he shut his laptop and turned to leave, quickly mumbling about needing to run to the bank before his lunch hour was up. It was a clear lie, but he didn’t give you a chance to call him out on it before nearly running out of that courtyard, leaving you dazed and…very wet…on that bench. 

You leaned back in your office chair and rolled your eyes at the memory, not because you didn’t love it, or that it didn’t replay in your head every time you saw the man, but because you were afraid it completely fucked up your friendship with Josh. Before you on your screen was a reminder email about the company Christmas Party that was being held this weekend. You wanted to go, but the thought of mingling with coworkers while Josh continued to ignore you made you want to crawl under your desk and never come out. Because of his outstanding job performance, he was put on the planning committee and thus would have to be there. There was no avoiding him. 

With a resigned sigh you glanced over at his desk, hoping to see him, but finding it Josh-less. Instead you heard his voice chattering away at another desk, leaning against the entrance to a nearby cubicle. To everyone else, he was his normal talkative self, but for you, he was silent and cold. What the actual fuck was his problem? The more you thought about it, the more it pissed you off. Just who does he think he is by kissing you like that, touching you like that, fulfilling the fantasies you’ve had in your head for months, only to throw you away essentially and leave you high but not very dry? Fuck him, but not in the literal sense. He didn’t deserve that. A plan was forming in your head. You were going to show up to that party pushing every button you knew how to push with him. After working for him for nearly two years, you knew what made that man tick. You had picked up on several preferences of his via passing comments, jokes, or flat out remarks. 

And you were going to exploit every single one of them. 

When the day of the party arrived, you looked over at your outfit laid out on your bed. A beautiful long sleeved navy blue velvet dress. Why blue? Well that color had become an inside joke between the two of you, stemming from an exchange on your very first day in the office. 

You were settling into your new cubicle, arranging your things and figuring out just where you wanted everything to go. The size of your desk surprised you, as you were expecting a smaller space given you were a new hire, but the expanse of the desk gave you so much more room to work with. It was a blessing as you tended to spread out your paperwork around you throughout your day, a habit that your old boss noted every time she walked by your desk. 

As you reached into your box full of things you brought from home, your hand settled on the third Funko Pop you had picked out of your collection. Your Funko of Daphne from Scooby Doo had been one of the first you had bought when you started your collection, and she meant a lot to you. 

“You take them out of the box?” An unfamiliar yet pleasant voice interrupted your thoughts and you nearly dropped the box you were holding from being startled. 

Snapping your head up at the source, you were greeted by a rather…gorgeous man with curious big brown eyes. You had briefly seen him when your new boss was giving you a tour of the area you would be working in, and he had been getting something out of the supply closet. 

“Sorry?”

“Your Funkos…you take them out of the box?” 

Realizing what he was referring to, you chuckled slightly in embarrassment, “oh don’t start, my brother already gives me enough shit about ‘ruining their value’ whenever he comes over and sees my collection. They just look so sad sitting in them. They need to be free!”

This caused the stranger to smile as he extended his hand for you to shake, “I’m Josh, your new neighbor across the way.” He dramatically threw a glance over his shoulder at his own cubicle across from yours. You gladly shook his hand and told him your own name, which he repeated softly. 

You continued to pull more items out of your box as he stood there, not minding you had company. In the panic to get what you needed for your new job, you had inadvertently brought mostly blue office supplies. Blue post-its, blue binders, blue pens; it was as if your brain found one color it liked in the store and made you match everything to calm your nerves. 

“Your sweater matches your binders…,” Josh observed. 

This was your second time you looked up at him in embarrassment, “Oh! Yeah…purely unintentional. It’s my nicest one and I wanted to make a good-”

“It looks nice on you, that shade of blue,” he interrupted. 

Before you could stop yourself, you started rattling off a quote from one of your favorite films, “Oh this sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's-"

"...actually cerulean?" 

The smile that spread across your face could light up the entire room, it wasn’t a niche reference, but you were so glad he picked up on it and you didn’t embarrass yourself a third time. After that, your friendship with Josh quickly blossomed, and the ‘blue’ joke got to a point where Josh was calling you Blue to your face, a nickname that stuck no matter how many times you told him to stop. 

Six months into your stay at your current job, you walked into work thinking nothing of the date, but when you got to your desk you saw a familiar small white box with a blue bow taped to the top. You dropped your bag onto your desk and picked it up. Turning it over in your hands you saw that it was a Miranda Priestly Funko, and while you instantly understood who gave it to you, you were confused at the occasion. 

“Happy Six Months, Blue,” Josh said warmly behind you, startling you. 

“Six months?”

“Since you started here! I saw it online and you’ve worked really hard these last six months so I just thought…you needed a token of appreciation.” He leaned towards you and whispered, “since you and I both know corporate doesn’t keep up with such things.” 

You smiled up at him, warmed by the gesture, “thanks Josh…” 

After a few seconds of awkwardly standing there, Josh piped up, “go on…free her from her plastic prison. She’s running out of air and it's getting dark! I’m frightened for her.” Giggles escaped your mouth as you ripped open the box and freed your new Funko. She was put next to your Daphne, as they both held strong sentimental value now. 

You shook your head from the memories, needing to focus on the task at hand. Slipping on the dress and securing your heels, you gave yourself one last look in the mirror before you left for the party. Your hair was perfect, your eyelids dusted with a champagne-colored shimmer, and your lips were adorned with a neutral matte red. There was no way he could ignore you with the way you looked. 

Or so you thought. 

After nearly an hour of mingling, your “friend” had yet to even walk passed you. In fact it was pretty obvious he was avoiding you. He was only on the stupid decorating committee but you’d think he was the host of the entire party with the way he was flitting about the employees, giving them warm greetings and thanking them for coming. You didn’t want to follow him around like a lost puppy, but you kept deliberately putting yourself in his line of vision and he acted like you weren’t there. What the fuck? 

At this point, you were standing with a bunch of your coworkers on your floor, trying to not make it obvious you were glaring at Josh while slowly sipping your cocktail. By the grace of God, one of the men from your floor walked over with Josh in tow, firmly planting him in the little group that had gathered. He still avoided your gaze, keeping his eyes on Brad who clapped him on the shoulder and praised him for a project he had recently finished and was going to present next week. 

Your friend Stacy waved her hand at them, “oh come on no work talk tonight, we get enough of that during the day.” 

“I know, I know but Josh ran his ideas by me the other week and was telling me how it all came together at the end, I’m happy for him,” Brad defended. 

What? Josh never ran ideas with anyone else but you. You were always his first choice whenever he had something cooking in his head. Hell, you didn’t even know he had a big project lined up. But there he was, cheeks flushing at the praise. Under any other circumstances, your heart would stutter at the sight, adoring how bashful he could be, but right now? Right now it pissed you off, and you were on your second cocktail of the night. Your filter was nonexistent. 

“You told Brad about your new project?” You blurted out, slightly slurring your speech. 

At last, Josh finally addressed you, “yes? I wanted to run some numbers by him just to double che-”

“But you always run your ideas by me?” Unfortunately, the alcohol also made it impossible for you to hide the hurt in your voice. “You always ask to pick my brain on things.”

You took a step forward, “yes you do, and I always run my ideas by you in return. They always note how well we work together in meetings.” The rest of your coworkers stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do as you verbally sparred. You didn’t care, you stared at Josh barely blinking. His jaw was clenched, lips set in a line. But you couldn’t stop the words tumbling from your mouth, “you don’t even like Brad! You told me his projections were always off and he talks too much during meetings which is rich coming from-”

At this, Josh handed his drink off to the closest person and quickly grabbed your hand to pull you away from the group. He guided you through the crowd, and you dropped off your empty glass on a random table, not caring where it was. The only thing you could focus on was the warmth from his hand, and how he effortlessly laced your fingers together as he walked. This was the first time he had even touched you since that lunchtime makeout session. 

He swung the outside door open, leading you out onto the side deck of the venue. No one else was out here due to the cold, and the cold wind sobered you up a little. You stood next to the deck rail, glaring at him. 

“What the fuck, Josh?!” 

“What the fuck Josh? How about what the fuck, Blue?!” He’s giving you the hardest look he’s ever given you, his eyes a darker shade of brown you weren’t used to seeing, and no cheek dimple in sight. He continued, “I am preventing you from getting fired for running your mouth in front of everyone.” 

You sneer, “since when do you care what my mouth does?” 

He clenches his jaw again, and he swallows hard enough to see his Adam's apple bob beneath the gorgeous white turtleneck he was wearing. “You know what, I think you need to just stay out here for the rest of the night, and lay off the eggnog.” 

He started to walk off but you grabbed his arm before he could leave, “no, you don’t get to do this again. You have ignored me for nearly a month now.” You lowered your voice even though it was only the two of you outside, “we never even talked…about it…was I that bad?”

He spins to face you, and backs you up against the deck rail, placing both hands on either side of you, bracketing yourself between his arms. He stares at you for a few more seconds, before declaring in a gruff voice, “you were absolutely incredible, and that's the problem.” Your brows furrowed in confusion, and he continued, “I have done nothing but think of you since that day, hell I thought about you every single day before that. Ever since you walked into that office, in that fucking blue sweater, your perfectly coordinated desk supplies, your intelligence, the way you always have a comeback for everything…Blue, I could not get you out of my head even if I tried. But that day? When I finally got to taste you? Have you in my arms? It ruined me. Ruined me for everyone else. The mere thought of even talking to you afterwards sent all my blood south and I can’t walk around the office with a fucking boner, can I?”  You opened your mouth to speak, but he cut you off again, “and you show up here tonight, looking like this, knowing how much I love you in blue…you wicked little thing.” 

Just then, the door to the outside was swung open by someone that worked on a different floor, and you guessed they got the hint because they quickly went back inside. But as the door closed behind them, the two of you could hear Blue Christmas by Elvis being played loudly through the speakers inside. How appropriate. 

All of your worst case scenarios that had haunted your mind the last few weeks weren’t even true at all. Josh’s words had your heart hammering in your chest, and having him this close to you after a month-long cut off had you aching. His breath was hot as it fanned over your face, the rich chocolate of his irises that matched his brown suit were smoldering before you. Reaching up, you gently cupped his jaw the same way you did weeks ago on that bench, and just like before he leaned into your hand his eyes fluttered shut. 

“Blue…,” he whispered against your palm. 

“I missed you so fucking much. I don’t think you understand how empty I felt without you talking to me every day. Not hearing your daily complaints, not making me laugh, no eye contact during meetings when they got boring? I sat downstairs every single day, at our usual table, hoping to see you, but you never showed. I felt like I did something horribly wrong and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me otherwise,” he shook his head against your hand,  “You just shut me out with no explanation.”

“No..no I’m sorry for that…it was stupid, and cruel of me. I just didn’t know what to do. Every time I tried to talk myself into talking to you, it resulted in me thinking of scenarios that would’ve had us end up with multiple HR violations, and I just couldn’t do it.” He rested his forehead against yours, keeping his eyes closed. 

“Well, Kiszka, what are you going to do about it now?”

A low growl rumbled in his chest and he finally opened his eyes to look over your shoulder at the sprawling grounds of the country club. 

“What if I told you, that when we were looking for venues, I noticed that this particular one has an entire property just for a garden, that's currently out of season, and that there’s a greenhouse off to the side that they keep some of the plants indoors over the winter?” 

You were tempted to look over your shoulder to see what he was looking at, but you didn’t want your eyes to leave his face.

“Are you suggesting…?”

“I’m saying that I need to finish what I started four weeks ago.” 

Before you could respond he took your hand and led you down the steps of the deck and out onto the frost-covered lawn. The entrance to the garden wasn’t very far, but it was nestled in a brick fence. Once inside and out of sight, you got a glimpse at your surroundings. The garden was definitely winterized and dormant, but the hedges were evergreen and tall, successfully blocking anyone who might peer over to that side of the property from the main building. His fingers were still laced with yours as he took a sharp left and down a narrow path. As you traveled deeper into the garden, the party noise slowly fizzled out, and by the time you got to the greenhouse in question, you could barely hear anything other than the wind rustling branches. 

“It’s probably locked…,” you suggested, trying not to sound disappointed.

Josh briefly panicked, not quite thinking about that when he came up with this plan, but he quickly reached up to feel the top of the door frame. When his fingertips landed on cold metal, he nearly said a prayer out loud in gratitude. He held the key up to you, before spinning back around and trying it in the lock. As fate would have it, the lock clicked and the handle turned easily, granting you access. 

Inside, there were a few space heaters already running to keep the chilly night air outside. The temperature difference as you stepped inside was stark, and you shut the door behind you to keep any more winter air from coming in. One of the tables in the middle of the room had been cleaned off recently, with no pots or excess dirt littering the surface. When he was satisfied in his choice for this tryst, he turned around to face you again and backed you up into the door, colliding his lips to yours in a searing kiss. Your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him even closer. His hands flexed and kneaded your hips through the velvet fabric of your dress; his fingertips slowly bunching the material higher and higher until they met the skin underneath. He ran his hands along your skin, stopping abruptly when he felt the lacy material of your thong. He mapped out the lace blindly, tracing the woven pattern while pulling away from your lips to pant harshly against your face. 

“You were really walking around that party wearing these?”

“...you should see my bra…”

The only light in the greenhouse was from the waxing gibbous moon in the sky, streaming its moonbeams through the glass windows. But even with the limited light, you could see Josh’s eyes darken even more at your words. He couldn’t take it anymore, and reached down to firmly grip the back of your thighs and lifted you off the ground, wrapping your legs around his waist and he backed up and carefully set you back down on the cleared off table. His lips moved to your neck now, sucking bruises onto your skin, not giving a shit about the marks he left behind. You were his, goddamnit. Now that you were on the surface of the table, he reached back under your dress to tug your thong down your legs. He backed up just enough to slip it off your ankles and past your heels, but he didn’t let it fall to the floor, he looped it around his fingers to hold in front of his face to get a better look at it in the moonlight. It was fucking…blue. You wore dark blue lingerie tonight? Your mission to torture him was succeeding, and another growl grumbled in his chest. Your words from earlier echoed in his head, and after shoving your thong in his pocket, he quickly started tugging your dress off of you. Lifting your dress over your head, his eyes raked down your body. The height of the table gave him a perfect, eye level view of your breasts. The lace that perfectly cupped your flesh matched the thong in his pocket, and he had to lean against his hands on the edge of the table to compose himself. The wood dug into his skin a thought occurred to him, and he immediately ripped his jacket off and swung it around, laying it down behind you, so you wouldn’t have to feel the cold table against your skin. He looked up at you, silently asking permission and when you nodded his hands landed on your breasts, squeezing them through the lace. 

Josh stood before you, wearing absolutely too much in his white turtleneck and slacks. It was incredibly unfair, and you needed to fix that. In your tangle of limbs you clawed at the back of his shirt to pull it off of him. He got the hint and flung it over his head, letting it land on top of your dress beside you. Now it was your turn to gawk at him. This was the most you had ever seen of Josh at this point, and the sight of his perfectly unmarred skin in the moonlight had you drooling. Your hands itched to squeeze his shoulders and dig your nails into his skin. In a flurry, your bra quickly came off, nipples hardening in the chilly air. His mouth immediately closed around one of them, causing you to throw your head back and a reedy sigh escaped your lips. 

As much as you loved the attention he was giving you, you needed more. You needed him. Now. 

“Josh…please…,” you whined. 

He nodded and moaned against your chest, before popping off and returning to your mouth. As his lips devoured yours he reached down to undo his belt and slacks, the metal clanking against the side of the table. He pushed his pants down to his knees and brought one hand to his cock, squeezing it and giving himself a few pumps. You pulled away from his mouth just enough to look down at it, and a shiver of anticipation ran through you. Reaching down, you pushed his hand away and wrapped your fingers around him. 

“Fuck, baby…” rattled out of his mouth. Spurred on, you started to pump him yourself, let your thumb catch the drop of precum resting at the tip, smearing it around the head. His hand shook as he closed it around yours, stopping your movements. “Keep doing that and this will be over embarrassingly fast.” You giggled and moved your arms to rest on his shoulders, giving him a minute to compose himself. 

Finally, he stepped forward, closing the gap between you. He took his cock in his hand once again, dragging it up and down through your slit. You were so fucking wet. He looked at you again, silently asking-

“Josh you don’t do something I’m going to be the one leaving this time and never forgiving you.” 

With that he surged forward, filling you in one fluid motion, causing the both of you to moan into each other's mouths. Your hearts hammering in your chests. He didn’t waste no time before he reared back and filled you again, his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he bottomed out. As much as he wanted to, there wasn’t time to take this slow, and frankly after the last month there was too much tension built up between you to even fathom another pace. He leaned you back down onto his jacket, the satin lining felt cool and soft against your skin, and he hovered over you as best he could given the height of the table. 

Your legs instantly wrapped around his waist, locking your ankles right above his ass. As you promised yourself earlier, your nails dug into the soft flesh of his shoulders, and he hissed in your ear in response. Slowly you dragged your fingertips down his back as he pumped into you, the angle making his pelvis grind against your clit exactly the way you needed it. 

It was becoming apparent that the table wasn’t built for strenuous activities, and it started to creek and shift underneath you. Josh didn’t pay it any mind, he was too focused on peppering kisses all along your face and neck, not wanting to leave your skin for a second. He couldn’t get enough of you, and the fact that he was finally having you, was sinking in. He didn’t believe in love at first sight, but that first time he saw you while you took your tour around the office while he was at the supply closet? It had to be as close as one could get. He nearly dropped an entire stack of printer paper when you walked by and your perfume invaded his senses, causing him to look up to see where it was coming from. The sheer luck that you got assigned to the cubicle next to his, and how he pretended to be busy while you started sorting your things. He observed you for several minutes before making his presence known, in the least creepy way possible. You were just…adorable…in how you were organizing your desk, and how you muttered to yourself as you picked things out of the box.

 The crush he developed that day was strong from the beginning, and now? Now he had you completely. His skin was slapping against yours. Your fingers were tangled in his hair, tugging at the roots. Your thighs were squeezing his hips as he hiked one of them higher on his side, allowing him to bury himself deeper inside you. 

“You’re so fucking perfect…god, Blue…fuck…,” he rambled against your mouth, unable to hold back his words. 

You whimpered up at him, “you feel so good.”

“Yeah? Who's making you feel this good?” He lifted his head just enough to look you in the eyes. 

“...you…”

Not satisfied with your answer, he reared back and slammed back into you, harder than before, “no, who is making you feel this good?”

Oh, you knew what he wanted, but you weren’t going to give it to him this easily. Instead you just stroked his cheeks with your thumbs, smiling up at him. 

You wanted to be a brat, he thought, two could play at that game. He instantly pulled out of you, fighting every instinct in his body to stay inside. You whimpered at the sudden loss, your brows furrowing. 

“I’m going to ask you again…” 

For a split second you hated him. You had been so fucking close, and he literally ripped it away from you. Too desperate to keep playing you nearly shouted, “JOSH, you, Josh…you’re making me feel this good…” 

A smirk appeared on his face before he slammed back into you, “mmm…good girl.” 

This side of Josh was surprising you, but you loved it. You had never really taken him for a dominating type, but you couldn’t wait to see more of it in the future. But before you could think about that, your high came hurtling back to you. He reached between you, going straight for your clit and started swirling his fingers around it. You were so wet that his fingertips glided easily in figure-8 motions against the hard nub, causing you to writhe beneath him. His name tumbled from your lips repeatedly as you felt yourself climbing higher and higher. The combination of his fingers and the ridges of his cock dragging against your walls was too much, and you couldn’t hold back anymore. With a shout, you shook underneath him as you came. He continued to pump into you, chasing his own high and prolonging yours with his nimble fingers. You were squeezing him so hard as you rode out your high, and he only had about three thrusts left in him before he emptied himself inside you. His vision nearly went white as he came, and your actual first name shuddered from his mouth. 

Neither of you moved for several moments, but the feeling of his release slowly leaking out and around his cock was undeniable. You started to panic at how you were going to clean up, until Josh reached next to your shoulder where the inside pocket of his jacket was. Silently he fished out a white handkerchief. You caught a glimpse of the initials, JMK, stitched in gold thread in the corner before it disappeared between you two and he pulled out, making quick work to clean you up. When he was satisfied, he stood up fully to pull his slacks back up around his waist, and reached over for your bra, handing it back to you. You slowly sat up, your muscles still feeling like jelly. The two of you were quiet as you redressed yourselves, and you remembered he had your thong in his pocket. 

Holding your hand out, you asked, “can I have them back now?” 

Josh smirked again as he put his jacket back on, “no…I’m keeping those.” 

Your eyes widened as you stared at him, “Josh!” 

He took your hand and started to lead you to the door, “you can have them back when we get to my place…” 

Stopping dead in your tracks you say, “a little presumptuous don’t you think?” Josh’s eyes widened and he realized how that sounded, and he opened his mouth to apologize before you continued, “who said we were going to your place instead of mine?” You laughed at how his shoulders visibly relaxed at your words, and caught up with him at the door. 

“You really are a wicked little thing…,” he mumbled as you ventured back out into the cold. 

As you made it to Josh’s car, you thought you had done a good job at not being seen by anyone, but unbeknownst to the two of you, Stacy and Brad were standing on that same deck from earlier. They watched your very freshly-fucked selves climb into the Jeep before taking off.

A week or so later, on Christmas Eve-Eve, you were greeted to a present sitting on your desk. It was a decent sized box covered in blue wrapping paper, matching blue bow on top. 

“Merry Christmas, Blue,” your boyfriends voice sounded behind you. You looked over your shoulder at him, dropping your bag on your chair. “Go on…it’ll fit on your desk.” 

Skeptically you turned and ripped the wrapping paper off the box, the first thing you saw was the red LEGO square in the corner. Confused, you peeled off the rest of the paper to reveal your present. It was the greenhouse LEGO set. 

“You little shit.” 

FIN

Tag List:  @dannyandthekiszkas , @gretasmokerising , @sinners-go-to-drink-the-wine , @wideminded-dreamer , @runwayblues , @wildbluesorbit , @llightmyllovee , @rhythm-of-space , @sacredthefran , @writingcold , @alwaysonthemend , @wetkleenex-gvf , @josh-iamyour-mama , @lightsofthe-living-gvf , @gvfcinema , @sacredthethreadgvf , @losfacedevil , @jakekiszkasbuttsweat , @shutupdevvie , @hearts-hunger , @gretavanfleetposts , @ascendingtostardust , @mackalah , @andromeda-raine-gvf , @jake-kiszkas-smirk , @gracev0609 , @sacredjake , @earthlysorrows , @gvfpal , @myownparadise96 , @itsafullmoon , @gvfmelbourne , @twistedmelodies , @stardustvanfleet ,

[linkemon]

Boy with luv (Shinomiya Kojirou x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

[ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ] ᴛʀɪᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ʙʀɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ʙᴏꜱꜱ, ꜱʜɪɴᴏᴍɪʏᴀ ᴋᴏᴊɪʀᴏᴜ, ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀɴ ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ʜɪꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴛᴀᴜʀᴀɴᴛ ꜰᴀɪʟꜱ…

ᴀᴅᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴅᴇᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴀᴜ. ɪᴛ ɪɴᴠᴏʟᴠᴇꜱ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴏʀ��ʀɪʟʏ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴠᴀʀɪᴏᴜꜱ ʀᴇᴀꜱᴏɴꜱ.

— Voilà! — [Reader] proudly placed the plate in front of Shinomiya. — Spring composition. Complete rejuvenation!

She sincerely hoped that the opinion about the dish would be positive. Many of her future plans depended on it. Fortunately, the hungry glances of her coworkers, who were waiting for their turn to taste, gave her encouragement. The woman tightly clenched her thumbs behind her back as she watched her boss take the first bite. To her surprise, he froze for a moment and, before he could say anything, disappeared in a cloud of white smoke.

A child sat in his place.

Everyone approached the little one uncertainly. Someone took the fork out of his hand.

— [Reader]-san, what did you put in there? — Abel asked with fear.

— Lime leaves. I wanted it to be... rejuvenating? — she said uncertainly.

In front of her sat a mini version of the boss. He had the exact same short pink hair and amber eyes. He looked quite happy as he played with the rest of the food on his plate.

His expression was definitely not his usual one.

— I like it. He's less grumpy. — Lucie lifted the little one into her arms. — Who's the cutest little thing? Who? — She lifted him up, tickling him with her nose. — I wonder when he'll turn back.

— Maybe we should call an ambulance — Gao suggested.

She was sensible and responsible. After all, that was what was expected of a restaurant manager. [Reader] rarely disagreed with her but this time she couldn't agree with her.

The sanitary inspector would certainly raid the place and closing Shino's would cause huge losses. In her mind's eye, she could already see Shinomiya suing her. And there would be no way to pay off the debts...

— Now we have to get ready to open because the guests will be disappointed. Let's wait until he digests what he ate. I'll take care of him and if it doesn't go away, I'll take him to the ER.

She wanted to strongly believe that the visit would not be necessary.

— We'll manage without you. Take him for a walk so he won't be a nuisance. We'll keep in touch — Lucie said, seeing the rest of the crew wanting to protest.

The woman then took the child from her, took her purse and left the restaurant.

She headed towards the housing estate with a playground.

It seemed to her that all the old ladies in the area had gathered to check her out. They were expressing their admiration for Kojirō-chan. They were congratulating her on her adorable son. [Reader] didn't feel like correcting them. Especially after he had publicly called her "mom". So she nodded with a goofy smile, trying to say a polite goodbye and leave.

The boy kept pulling her hair. Once, he even managed to dig up her lipstick and started using it eagerly. When she tried to wipe his face, she was surprised to find that he was standing without her help. He had also grown heavier. That boded well.

Before she knew it, little boss was running around the sandbox bringing her dishes made of leaves and sand. She tipped them out behind her when he wasn't looking.

It wasn't the time to think about it but she figured Shinomiya must have been a really cute kid once. She felt sad that his adult self wasn't anything like his current self.

Suddenly she heard a soft sob and then a preschooler appeared before her with tears in his eyes. She wanted to say that children grow up too fast but at the last moment she stopped herself.

— He ruined my restaurant. — The boy’s lower lip trembled. —And I was just about to cook you Flan Aux Champignon.

It was enough to glance at a peer playing in a newly acquired sandbox to understand what he was talking about. The fight was paid for with a grazed knee.

— Kojirō-chan, you'll cook me something better next time. — She hugged the little one. — Let's go to the store, I'll buy you some colourful slices and something sweet. — She winked.

Like most school children, he was taken in by the promise of a reward. A taped knee, a juice box and a candy bar effectively did the trick. The woman also sent a text message to her co-workers, assuring them that hospitals would not be needed.

Unfortunately, the problem began when the boss hit his teenage years. He suddenly wanted to taste rebellion. Before she knew it, he ran away at a pedestrian crossing.

She was seriously nervous because Tokyo's neighbourhoods were easy to get lost in. Not to mention the shady characters who sometimes lurked in the alleys after dark.

She often returned home late at night, so she knew the consequences.

She asked passersby and wandered around the area but to no avail.

When she returned to the street where Shino's was located, however, a surprise awaited her. To her immense relief, a grown man was sitting on a bench in front of the restaurant.

— Shinomiya-san, what a luck! — She threw her arms around his neck.

She was glad he was back to normal and in one piece.

The man gently but firmly pushed her away from him.

This was nothing new. Even when he was hugged on his birthday while being congratulated, he felt uneasy. He kept physical contact to a minimum.

— What was in that dish? — he drawled.

[Reader] could feel the cold gaze of amber eyes on her. The tone of his voice was cold and unpleasant. She was starting to miss Kojirō-chan, who would probably jump for joy at the sight of her.

Her legs and head ached from running around the neighbourhoods looking for her boss. Fatigue was making itself known, bringing tears to the corners of her eyes. She blinked as hard as she could but her vision was getting a little blurry.

— The ingredients don’t matter if it wasn’t good! — she sobbed, searching her purse for tissues.

The man noticed the sudden change and his facial expression softened slightly.

— Did I say I didn't like it?

— But...

—Why did you care so much about my opinion? You never cared about it before unless the dishes were for Shino's.

The woman wiped her eyes, trying to calm her breathing.

— This was supposed to be a test of my skills. I want to open my own restaurant in [Country Name]. I feel like I'm suffocating in Tokyo.

— Because who would want to put up with me as their boss? — he snarled.

— Shinomiya-san, you know it's not like that. I just... have to try something new. Go somewhere. Do something more. Remember how after the shokugeki you said you didn't want to stand still...?

— I know what you're talking about.

He knew this feeling all too well.

Ever since he faced Yukihira in a duel, it had been with him all along. Since then, he had wanted more from life. He had set high standards and distant goals for himself and he had stubbornly pursued them. He had been working on his cooking style, hoping that one day he would achieve more than he already had.

But now that the woman wanted what he wanted, he had a problem.

The idea of ​​a restaurant without her stupid jokes, without her dishes and without her seemed downright treacherous to him.

As if she wanted to run away from him and didn't need him anymore.

— You want my opinion? — He pinched the bridge of his nose. — Change that lime note and everyone will be eating out of your hand. If they don't turn into a child first... Just invite me to the opening. — He looked directly at her.

The woman had the impression that there was some hope lurking within him.

— Of course, yes. Besides... I'll visit you. We're not parting forever. There are phones and the Internet. Although after these few years I have to admit that I'll miss you.

Maybe it was time to set new goals, unrelated to cooking.

Kojirō gently brushed a few strands of hair away from the woman's face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She hadn't expected that at all, so he wanted to laugh at the sight of her flushed face before him.

— If you don't invite me, I'll just get on the first plane I see. And when I find you, you'll be in big trouble. Let's go — he added, seeing her froze in place.

The woman reluctantly moved toward the restaurant, catching up with Shinomiya.

— You know you offered me a sand cake to eat? — She smiled, looking out at the setting sun.

— I hope it was as good as all my dishes.

— Imagine that I didn't eat it...

She reached out her hand timidly, lacing her fingers with his. The man smiled to himself.

— Don't worry, you haven't lost anything because I'll cook you something better.

He's gained a new and quite pleasant, goal — [Reader] will become his girlfriend.

[lorifragolina]

Midlife Crisis

This is my contributio for the @harringrovemicroficandart January prompt! Prompt: Crisis WC: 805 TW: No TW but It's sad (at least for me...)

Read it on AO3

The thought hit Steve when he looked at the pictures of his last birthday.

Jesus, he looked so old. He didn’t seem old, not that old, but he felt all his 45 years falling over him like a truck.

When did he start to look like his father? He didn’t look “his father” old, he looked way younger, but it wasn’t the point: he didn’t recognize himself. 

Billy was in almost all the pictures, looking so young and beautiful, while he seemed so worn out… when he grew so older than his partner? When their over twenty years relationship had become so tight for Steve? They had been together for the most of their lives. Was that his future? Growing old and tired and just… used to a relationship he didn’t ever recognize anymore?

It wasn’t Billy’s fault, of course. He never stopped trying, he never stopped taking care of Steve, and himself. He regularly hit the gym, ran, ate clean and such things, he was still hot even after all that time and of course, they still had great sex, but… Steve barely started things anymore, but he didn't have the courage to talk to Billy. 

Maybe it was that young new coworker of Steve, just twenty-something and so queer and modern, like Steve never had been. Things are changed now, now a young lad could be a flamboyant gay in his office’s hallways and nobody cared; Steve wore crop tops back in the past, but he could never be like that. Times had changed and he felt he had been left behind. 

He grew resentful. At least Billy had his early teen years to explore, but Steve had been stuck in a twenty-year relationship since he came out as gay before turning twenty.

Stuck… the word struck him. Is it what he really thought? Billy never said no when he asked to try new things; they went places, explored, but Steve had never been interested in doing such things without Billy, and he never was interested in being with anyone else… until now. 

Until the shiny new lad approached him at his desk looking at him like a hot piece of meat. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name… Stud?” He smiled, flashing his tongue, and Steve blushed, completely dumbfounded.

“Steve…” he managed to answer, feeling twenty years younger. They kept playing in the next week and when Steve returned home and looked at his man with his muscled arms in his rolled up shirt, he just felt trapped in that kitchen, even if it wasn’t true. 

“What if we open our relationship?” Steve said one day, trying to seem casual. 

Billy was puzzled, Steve never gave him a clue before.

“Why?”

Steve shied away, he was afraid to confess he just wanted to fuck a brand new baby boy who probably had slept with more men than him. He made some excuses but Billy just didn’t feel comfortable at the moment. 

Steve started to “work late,” and “going out with the coworkers, you know, for team building”, and Billy wasn’t happy when he returned late at night, smelling of cheap alcohol and smoke. 

“Did you go to the club? We can go this weekend together, if you want,” but Steve always declined. It was the point: he wanted to have some experiences alone, even if it wasn’t right towards Billy. 

They never got married, so they didn’t have a nasty divorce; they had a nasty break up indeed, when Steve said things that Billy didn’t deserve and Billy didn’t be quiet in turn.

Of course, Steve was only a pretty distraction for his new young lover, and when he left him empty and alone in his new, little bachelor apartment, he sadly questioned himself and his fucking midlife crisis.

He still thought about Billy, even if they went no contact for the last couple of years; he just found an old box he  probably never opened since he moved out from indiana.

Old tapes, an old walkman too, his yearbook, a little box of pictures… and there, he found it.

A photo he took with his old polaroid during a hike he did with the party.

Billy, in his lifeguard uniform, lazily sitting on a blanket with his book, one of his blond curls burning by the summer sun. He was looking at the camera with his sassy look but a hint of a smile that Steve, holding the picture in his hand, realized he was missing like fresh air. 

He hoped Billy kept his old phone number, Steve didn’t, and he was shaking while dialing it.

“Hargrove,” answered Billy.

“Billy…” it’s me, Steve was about to say, but he realized that he hadn’t anymore the right to be “me”. 

“Billy… it’s Steve…” 

He waited in silence, with his heart in his mouth.

[kimulus0check]

Part 2 of the au cause it wouldn’t let me put more pics on my last post on mobile

Ichimatau

works as a line cook behind a hole in the wall restaurant. And he got promoted to lead chef because he did not fuck around. He first got the job because he just needed somewhere to get money for cat food and smokes, then started doing very good at it over time.

Scary mf still and his coworkers call him ‘Big cat’ cause even though he’s off putting and strict he’s sweet to the cats in the dumpsters and give them food no one ate.

Still a bdsm pervert but that stays at home. Though has thought about going to a club dedicated to that craft but chickened out last minute because he didn’t want to get in trouble with his work or family finding out he’s actively seeking out this shit.

NSFW

Lost his virginity with the couple he met at the park and they just kept seeing each other in different places that they became acquainted. Later comfortable enough for a three way. It was actually very loving and Intimate and he’s glad he lost it that way.

Not sexually active and doesn’t go looking for it. But is very diverse in what he likes and doesn’t like.

Very into latex and BDSM play, Dom/sub kinda thing. Pet play is also on the table. Pegging and domination while submition and powerplay.

Jyushimatsu

Works at a daycare as the gym coach. And all the kids love him. And there moms

Meets up with ichi after work to smoke weed on their way back home. Jyushi doesn’t like smoking cigarettes so they stick with marijuana. Sometimes they take edibles when they got money for some or just don’t feel like rolling a blunt. Strictly just do these things after work and never before. Genuinely loves his job and doesn’t want to give this wrong impression by showing up high or inebriated.

Still likes baseball and coaches a little league for special needs children and kids on the spectrum.

NSFW-

Lost his virginity to one of the moms at the daycare he works at. It was very sudden and spur of the moment type of thing.

Mostly likes women and attracted to women. Though he isn’t entirely straight edged as Choro. He don’t mind if he finds someone sweet and they happen to be a guy.

Todomatsu

Still works as a barista at a coffee shop in the capital. Got promoted to manager too.

Has a love hate relationship with loneliness. He enjoys being independent and having his own social life apart from his family, but often feels very alone when plans don’t go through for him.

Vapes. Flavors peach and strawberry. And his brothers rio on him for it so hard too.

Metrosexual for the most part. Very comfortable with his femininity while still being attracted to women. Sometimes he’d hookup with a guy or two but he’s never really held down.

NSFW-

Lost his virgin to a situationship. He was not proud nor left dignified.

Bisexual king but in a more feminine sense than Kara.

Prev vv

[kishavo]

plagued by memories tonight so I’m going to spit them up and hopefully that brings me relief.

I was an EMT for about 5 years and I think these things are tattooed on my bones. trigger warning under the cut for…upsetting healthcare-related experiences? and the f-slur

I remember bringing a wheelchair-bound elderly man up to his shoebox apartment in the inner city, 12 floors up a derelict building in a tiny, shaky elevator, and being hit with the stink of smoke as soon as I opened the door - cigarette butts stubbed out on every surface, ashtrays overflowing, carpet that started out as brown matted down to black. I offered to help him into bed but he refused. he took off his vietnam veteran baseball cap and picked up a stale pack of cigarettes and told me to go

I remember the man who had been attacked by his neighbors’ dogs, two Rottweilers. his legs were mangled; huge scoops of flesh just gone. he was kind. he asked me how my day was going.

I remember the dead woman in the ER who I was told to bag up and bring down to the morgue. she looked familiar. I remember putting a tag on her thumb but I don’t remember her name. I remember making small talk with the ER tech who was helping me on the elevator ride down to the basement. that sounds like the start of a joke, doesn’t it? a girl, a man, and a dead body get in an elevator. if you think of a punchline let me know

I remember the frequent-flyer patient with a chronic mystery skin infection that caused his legs to leak so much fluid that we had to wrap them in plastic bags or else the gurney would get flooded and it would soak into his pants and spill over the edge onto the floor of the ambulance. the first time I got his call I thought we’d been sent to a haunted house. it was an old victorian in downtown, made of rotting wood and peeling paint. The knob in the front door had been ripped out so I bent down and looked through. There was no answer when I knocked so I yelled ‘hello’ through the hole until eventually someone came down the stairs and silently let us in. Our patient’s apartment was one room, it was dark, it smelled, the bed was as dirty as the floor, beer cans and cigarettes everywhere. There was a tiny, square, box TV playing static. There were spoiled diapers kicked under his desk. He lived alone and apparently had no family. I and every EMT who had ever been sent there reported the situation to social services but nothing was ever done.

there was the woman coming down from a meth binge who kept asking me if I was going to eat her brains. we dropped her off at a psych facility and a few days later I was back with another patient. I saw her again, sober now. when she saw me she averted her eyes and retreated into her room

there was another woman in the middle of a severe psychotic episode who, within 5 minutes of meeting me, looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re a fat fucking faggot and I want you to die.” She had pissed on all her personal belongings and the back of the ambulance stank so bad of stale human urine that I had to kick the fan on and spray air freshener into my face mask. She spent most of the call insulting and trying to spit on me and my partner. My partner snapped at her but I just ate it. Later, when we were outside cleaning the gurney and waiting for the next call, a stray cat slipped out from behind a nearby dumpster and curled around my boots. he booped my knuckles and mewled when I pet him and the night was good again

I remember being in and out of psych facilities so often and feeling like a fucking imposter because I was burning out, depressed out of my mind and regularly experiencing suicidal ideation. I wondered when I would call 911 and end up there myself. I wondered if it would be my coworkers who would pick me up. the thought of it scared me enough that I never made the call, even when I should have. I started getting high instead

I remember the middle-aged woman having a panic attack. that was at my on-location job, at my city’s arena, where all the concerts and games were held. it was a slow night and too many of us responded. this woman was hyperventilating, the bass from the concert was everywhere, and a crowd of strangers was closing in on her. I got there first, so by default it became my call, which always made me nervous. I sat her down, I kneeled in front of her, she grabbed my hands reflexively and I let her grip on. I coached her breathing. I waved my coworkers back to give her space. I convinced her that everyone there just wanted to help her and that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. it worked. I was soothing, and sure, and strong. it worked.

when it was over she held my shoulder and thanked me. patients don’t usually thank us. when it was over I went to the bathroom and cried. I handled it so well because I had been talking my mom down from her panic attacks for years.

I talked about that call in group therapy the week after. I thought I was going to be proud, that it would be a positive share, but I cried again.

when people ask about what it's like being an EMT, I don’t think they want to hear any of this, they only want the cool stories. they want to hear about the lights and the sirens and to thank you for your service but please, please, don’t. There’s a quote by Anaïs Nin: “I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”

[maggyme13]

Moving above the Underworld (1/?)

Ellie just moved into a new flat. Introducing herself to her downstairs neighbor with a cake she did not realize what the future held for her and him. And what had an asshole coworker to do with it?

AN: I never saw Sand Castle and only know about Captain Syverson because of the Henry Cavill Character Rabbithole of Fanfiction. But I thought he would fit the best (visually), so I chose him.

Don´t like-> Don´t Read Minors DNI

Warning: asshole Coworkers, This Series WILL contain dubcon! Wordcount: Around 2k

Masterlist Series-Masterlist

„Finally, the last box is empty. Only took me- what- a month?“, the young woman groaned. Her back was hurting from lifting too much heavy lumber at work. “Now, I gotta get food in the oven and take my hard owned shower. And why am I talking to myself again? If he hears me, he won´t look at me all grumpy but as I am crazy as well. Gotta tone it down, Ellie.” Stripping her dusty work clothes, she made her way into the small bathroom of her apartment. It had dark gray tiles on the floor, with Creme-colored walls, a toilet, a bathtub with a shower, and a sink with a mirrored cabinet above it. Her washing machine and dryer were in a small adjoined room next door. “Still got to introduce myself to my neighbor properly. Now that he is back from his holidays. Guess I could bake something. What do I have in the pantry? What do I have… Flour, sugar, eggs, milk, chocolate, baking powder. Mhm...”, she continued thinking out loud while washing her longish dark-blonde hair and face, “I could make some Straciatella cake with chocolate topping and split one dough into two servings. I could do with something sweet for my breaks.” Ellie fought getting some dried varnish off her arms. “Tomorrow is Friday. That means he should be home when I get off work, right? I still can leave it at his door with a note either way.” Dressed in some of her most comfortable clothes and with her hair up in a towel Ellie ate her Pizza while also preparing the cake dough. If she sat down to eat, she knew she would never be able to get back up and get her shit done. “Note to myself: Get more painkillers at the pharmacy tomorrow.”, she groaned again when a sting of pain spread through her spine, “Would only be half this bad if the idiot would have helped me instead of taking like ten smoke breaks.” She had just placed the pan in the oven when the sound of a door closing and being locked reached her ears; her neighbor was leaving it seemed. He was always gone at strange and unscheduled times, and the woodworker wondered what his job was that he had no schedule. But she was too shy to ask. Not that it was any of her business. “Forty minutes to wait. Hope this works out.” ___

Before she left her flat, she quickly the molten chocolate over the cakes so it would be ready once she returned late that afternoon. “Let´s see if I can even move tonight. Would be nice though.”, she wondered aloud after one last stretch. Just when she wanted to open the front door it was opened from the outside. Her neighbor had returned. He was a giant of a man. Nearly two meters in height with shaved hair, a short full beard, and muscles. His arms were close to the width of her lower legs, his torso as wide as an old beer keg, and his legs fit the rest of that body. When Ellie had seen him the first time she had believed a god stood before her. Cheesy, she knew, but that was the first thought that had crossed her mind. As usual, he was wearing all black: Black shirt, trousers, and shoes. That showed off his tattoo-covered arms and the crook of his neck. He was no one she wanted to cross paths with when he was angry or in a dark alleyway. “G-Good morning.”, she greeted as usual with a small smile on her lips. “´Morning.”, he rumbled back, not cold but tired sounding. Listening to her music, Ellie made her way to the nearby subway station that would bring her to her workplace. Each day she traveled one hour to and from work. And whenever she had to make overtime, she hated it even more.

___

“G-Good evening, Sir. I am sure- cut that- I know you know I moved into the flat a-above you a few weeks back. I- I had no time to introduce myself properly so here I am. Name´s Ellie Miller. I am a skilled Woodworker. Please let me know if I am too loud or do something wrong. And I can leave my number in case something happens.”, she stumbled over her words. Far too shy and nervous standing in front of her neighbor. “Mhrmm.”, he answered quirking one of his eyebrows. His gray eyes staring right into her soul it seems. “Oh- I. I made a cake as an introductory gift. I hope you are not allergic to anything.”, Ellie handed him the box with the cake, “I will leave you to it then. Ha- Have a nice evening.” Fighting the urge to bow (whichever), the woman turned and walked back up to her apartment, feeling his eyes on her back until she closed the door behind her. “That was scary.”, she breathed out, her back pressed against the closed door. The box was returned to her the next Monday morning, clean and with a note that stated: ´Thank you. Welcome to the house.´ The grateful smile that danced around her lips after reading those words only left when she stepped into the workshop and was met by her favorite coworker. He was in his early forties, friends with the boss, and believed women belonged behind a counter and not a band- or circular saw. But he could not get rid of her. Both her work ethic and the results of her work were perfect and not once a customer complained about her. “Boss wants to have a word with you.”, he sneered and Ellie sighed. What had she done now? “You wanted to see me, Sir?”, she asked once stepped into the office. “Your new tasks. Make sure not to mess them up this time. And no more leaving early. Now back to work!”, her Boss told her without looking at her at all. “Yes, Sir.”, she mumbled, taking the binders with her. She had three weeks to build a whole (though small) kitchen, one bedroom interior, one sideboard beneath a sink, and an office table. “Oh joy, over time. Again.”, she groaned, her head hitting the top of her workstation, “At least the table and bedroom are made of oak. We have enough of that lying around. Let´s get that done, I guess. No moving tonight again. Yayy.”

____

It was the Saturday after she had finished the given tasks (with high praises from the customers) and was finally able to relax a bit. And that usually meant doing nothing (productive) all day long, wearing her most comfortable clothes (or sleepwear), maybe some baking, and reading. This time her choice fell on a simple but delicious apple cake with cinnamon-sugar crumbles, and so she got to work. “This one will taste incredible with some fresh whipped cream.”, Ellie hummed. She had last made it a few months back and she yearned for it now that she smelled it again. Her kitchen was clean, she grabbed a cup of tea and launched herself into her couch with the book she was reading at that moment in time. “DAMN. It smells like a bakery in here! I am getting hungry just standing here.”, a man exclaimed in the hallway. He seemed to have a Latin-American accent,” Didn´t know you could use a kitchen without blowing it up.” “My neighbor. She tends to do it often.”, her neighbor answered in a neutral tone. “Think I could ask for some?”, the first man asked and Ellie perked up. “We have shit to do.”, now her neighbor sounded slightly annoyed. “Spoilsport.”, that last mumble of the foreigner made her chuckle, and decided to put some cake and whipped cream in a container and hang it on her neighbor's doorknob. A whole sheet was far too much for one person to eat. Even though when that person was a bit chubby. Two hours later, she did just that, with a small note attached that read: ´I overheard you earlier. Sorry for listening in. I made far too much for one person, so please enjoy it. I hope it was okay that I placed it on your doorknob. I did not want to interrupt whatever you were doing ~ Ellie.´ From that day on, whenever she made something, she would put it in a container on a little stool she placed next to the stairs leading up to her apartment. And every time the container would be empty and clean the coming day. She did not do that because she wanted something in return, but because she loved to bake and share (it). Around that time Ellie started to feel like she was being followed whenever she left the house. No matter where she went. If it was to work, on the way to customers, shopping for groceries, or simply for a walk through the neighborhood. At first, the feeling was only sporadic and every other day, but once she had realized the feeling. She got more and more aware of it, but whenever she was to look around, no one was there that looked suspicious. Up to a point where she had anxiety attacks only thinking about leaving through her door. Two months into that situation Ellie almost knocked out one of the Coworkers she liked with a piece of wood when he had startled her at work. She apologized profusely and promised baked goods as an apology. He declined. But asked if she was alright. She told him yes, that she was simply overworked and ready for her days off the upcoming week. But of course, it should not be that easy for her. The last Customer was screaming to her, that she was a failure and knew nothing about what she was doing. That she should quit and be a housewife like a real woman would. It took everything for within her to not start to cry, and because she had managed to do just that, she treated herself to a ´feel-good´ hot chocolate. Again, the dreaded feeling of being under surveillance crept up her spine and she hurried home to order some food from a local Italian restaurant. With how her day had been, she needed her favorite comfort food. Exited for a calm(er) evening with incredible food, she opened the door for the delivery guy. Who was in his mid-thirties, with oily skin, unruly hair, and some dirt on his uniform. He smelled of booze, but that could be caused by the large stain on his shirt. It seemed like someone had dumped his beer on him. Not being one to judge someone who was looking the way he was, anyone had a bad day once in a while. Heck, she just had one THAT day. Her friendly demeanor left though when the man whistled lewdly and

started to make inappropriate comments. “Thank you, for your delivery, Sir.”, she smiled, trying to close the door on him. He put his hand between the door and frame to stop her from doing so and pushed the door open again. “What are you doing tomorrow? Say at 6 pm.”, he grinned. “Nothing of your concern. Now have a nice evening.”, she tried again but he did not budge. “Go on a date with me and I´ll leave.” Ellie just wanted to tell him off again when the main door opened again. “Your Car is blocking my spot.”, her neighbor stated after a second he needed to take in the scene before him,” Get it moving or I´ll call your boss.” “Sorry, Sir. Think about it Sweetheart.”, the man winked before finally leaving. “No thank you.”, the woman whispered more to herself than anything else, before addressing her savior, “Thank you for that. H-he did not take No for an answer.” “You good?”, he asked, his eyes roaming over her like he was looking for any injuries. “Yes, Thank you again.”, and with that, she returned to her kitchen to hopefully be able to relax. Part 2

AN: Thank you for reading! Reblogs and Comments are always appreciated!:)

[fuckkbrunch]

Finally soup weather, and we had beets at work. I'm going to be honest though...I cheaped out on the ham hock. I had bought two raw ones at the Asian market for ten bucks a piece, but it turned out I needed a smoked ham hock for this recipe and a raw one for another. Welp, smoked ham hocks are thirty bucks each, and I literally already had an extra raw one. So here we are.

Also, pigs foot. Recipe called for one, I put this whole bag (right). Partly to try to compensate for the lack of smoke on my ham hock (left), partly just to use it all up so I didn't end up with old pigs feet in my freezer for a year.

Standard veg. One lonely turnip. I rubbed the ham hock with smoked salt, but I don't think it changed much.

Most of the beets are diced, but one beet is shredded, which adds a nice texture. I made sure to get real lard for this one too, even though my pork stock is already very thick with fat and gelatin from the feet and hock.

I may have added a tiny bit of chicken bouillon, replaced two of the garlic cloves for roasted garlic cloves, and put a little blob of red miso to make up for the complexity of flavour that I was lacking from the missing smoked hock...

Pork stock, ready, mise en place, ready. Then I realize I don't have a pot big enough for this, aside from my stock pot, which is comically huge for this amount of borscht. So that was fun to wrestle with.

Very nice beets. I managed to not stain my kitchen, which is a bonus.

Topped with sour cream and dill fronds. Incredibly veg heavy, not very brothy. Didn't get much meat off the ham hock in the end.

| Hot Borscht |

Taste is a 4 out of 5. Enjoyed this more than I expected to. Gave some away to a coworker and got very good feedback.

Difficulty is a 2.5 out of 5. Bit of a complex soup recipe, but worth the work.

Time was about 3 hours. Longer than I thought it would take. We ate a little late.

Since this was so good, I'm sure it could be a 5 out of 5 if I had used a real smoked ham hock. And obviously I just happened to find some cheaper ones at a different grocery store, so I may just give this another shot. That bag of beets I bought was pretty big...

[peep-is-writing]

Preview of my self-indulgent Pikmin Fanfic otherwise known as: Mel, Louie, and the Apocalypse

Warnings: will eventually become nsfw. Maybe quick. There will be swearing because swearing is fun. Idk what’s gonna happen but to be safe MINORS GO AWAY THIS IS NOT FOR ANYONE YOUNGER THAN 18.

You have been warned.

Also: please leave a like if you read this. Reblogs aren’t necessary, I’m cool with having a small crowd. However: I would very much like to know if people have seen this. Hi people!

Chapter 0

Louie D. Goodienough lay flat on his back in the dirt, watching captain Olimar Tinkerman fuck off back home in the only working spaceship on this weird ass planet.

Because of course this happened.

Of course his cheapskate boss didn’t make sure the passenger compartment was secure.

Or maybe his cheapskate boss found out about that very expensive cargo he ate, and told the bitchy AI to toss him as soon as the job was done.

Louie let out a deep sigh, closed his eyes, and relaxed into the dirt. He savored the memory of those golden Pikpik carrots. They ended up being pretty expensive even with his five finger discount. Four finger? No yeah five, still five. For sure.

Sure like Olimar! Olimar was a good captain and a good coworker and a good friend. He would come back as soon as he realized Louie was missing for sure. The ship would surely have some kind of alert or warn….

Louie’s eyes shot open.

The ship’s AI would be in charge of the alerts. And if it did throw him out on purpose there’s no way it would let Olimar know!

That BITCH.

Louie took a minute to indulge of fantasies of trashing that stupid speaker system.

Plus, the minute Olimar gets back home he’ll be out of there before anyone can say a damn thing to him. Louie saw a picture of Olimar’s wife, Tarrey. Damn. I mean damn. (As the narrator, damn. Good job @ultraspicyspray thank you for your service.) Louie would be running too.

Louie let out a low, long suffering groan. As he glared at the chemtrail left behind by his only way back to Hocotate he knew that no one was going to come for him for a long time, if at all. He knew the president wouldn’t come for him even if he didn’t know about Louie’s lie. It was honestly a sarcastic whatever answer and the guy totally accepted it. Louie had honestly been hoping for the company to go under just to screw over the president, cuz honestly fuck’em. Well he felt that way until he got to know Olimar. Who knew he was such a decent guy? Well fuck’im too anyways. Lucky bastard.

He knew he would need to get up eventually. Probably sometime soon. The sun was already starting to set and he needed to find shelter and a way to breathe on this stupid planet and Goddammit he needed to eat SOMETHING good for this day to be worthwhile.

Louie was still glaring at the fading smoke when he heard something; quiet at first. The rumble of an engine. It was odd though, it didn’t sound like a ship. It sounded like his truck from back home, but then it got louder, closer. Turning his head he saw a vehicle in the distance. He’d seen some of those around, sure, but not up close. Weren’t those like really big though?

And at the very moment Louie finished that thought, something, no, someone opened the door and stepped out.

Louie’s head was spinning, probably because this was the first time he moved his head since falling and he fell from quite a height. Such things have consequences, after all. How else could he explain how it kept coming closer and closer without seeming to close any distance. It has to be a hallucination or something. It just has to be. Too cute to be a native of any planet this freaky.

But then the thing put its hands to its mouth and bellowed:

Helllooooooo???

“WHAT THE HELL HOW CAN ANYONE BE THAT LOUD.” Louie thought. They must have had some kind of amplifier. The sound was so loud that it made his ears ring and his already throbbing head more…throbby. It’s hard to think when your head hurts. It was a miracle that his translator was able to make out the hollered greeting, something like Giyan? Louie didn’t know. But he knew that if he had a choice between trying to survive the night alone on the surface with whatever injuries he had or hitching a ride with some native cutie he had to admit the second was a more appealing option.

Without much thought, he blew his whistle to let them know where he was.

And it was at this moment Louie knew he fucked up.

Because when the stranger perked up and started to run towards him he could feel those footsteps in his bones, he could see her grow to tower over everything around him but the tall trees, and he realized quite a few things about the natives of this freaky planet. Most importantly?

They were fucking HUGE.

What. the FUCK. Is THAT????

Thank you for reading my first piece of fanfiction! I was looking through the pikmin tag sometime after I played pikmin 4 and found @ultraspicyspray ‘s art and developed feelings for the little blue weirdo who had already charmed me by being a little weirdo who likes to eat. This au is basically “but what if I found him and was nice to him???” Anyways I hope you enjoyed! I’m looking forward to writing more!

[plebeiangoth]

Here's some 1:30am life advice:

If the majority of your coworkers are addicts, run. Don't walk. RUN. Get the fuck out.

Because you wanna know why they're addicts? Because their life circumstances are unbearable. What's the common denominator among them? Their job.

Staying with the job for six years that made me drink is above and beyond my worst life choice. Most of my coworkers were also severe alcoholics, and it wasn't uncommon for my coworkers to be MIA because they were in jail for drunk driving. Several of my coworkers were crack addicts. I was the "odd one out" for not smoking weed because it makes me manic. One time I was offered cocaine and I failed to understand it was a joke, and the same thing happened in reverse one time when I had flour on my nose and I tried to make a joke about it. Toward the end of my time there I couldn't tolerate being there unless I ate mushrooms before going to work. Yet I kept with it because I kept being told by people both inside and outside of the business that I had a really cool and special job and I should stick with it.

You know what else was normal at that job? Sexual abuse among coworkers. I don't know much more than that, but do I really to know that this place wasn't okay? And tbh the reason I didn't know much is because company policy for literally EVERY bit of information was "need to know" and I didn't find out about anything I actually needed to know until it made its way through the rumor mill to me, usually as carefully coded dog whistles from allies among my coworkers, such as the time one of them kept gifting me prosecco as to say "things are about to get bad, here's to cushion the impact".

And this is literally a normal fucking restaurant!

To be perfectly clear, I'm not anti-drug! Just if frequent drug use is normalized in your environment, that's a giant red flag and you need to get the fuck out now.

What I hate most about this is it's not even uncommon.

[gstringsurvivor]

am i in so much pain today bc im not stalking their socials or bc its summer solstice so full moon or bc my boss was just operated yesterday and another coworker is getting an operation tomorrow and its worrying me or bc my younger brother graduated high school and i couldnt even be there for him bc im in another country or bc i didnt get enough sleep or bc i ate two sweet pastries or bc ive been smoking too much or bc im fucking miserable genuinely and struggle to seek joy and something to satisfy me or bc i want a new outfit but cant afford it rn or bc im getting another position at my workplace or bc im mentally processing the fact that i need to move at some point soon or bc i havent talked to my mother for 7 months WHAT IS IT.

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[borderlineangeldisorder]

July 24

Today was a ♡ day nothing so bad Work was the same Short staffed to the bones for over an hour causing me to do 4 people's jobs as one singular entity on top of crying in the office over my bones on fire

Then one worker turned into a petty (their own words) bit not caring because they didn't get the position they thought they deserved Of course they apologized after but still 🦇

The cold air helped ground me on the walk to the train at least I got to unwind decompress before getting home to ripping apart my apartment for pest control tomorrow ( ˘ ³˘)♥ which is awesome and terrifying because my landlords stopped by to see my place and I absolutely hate hate hate having company especially them

I want to smoke away the burning breakdown of my skeleton but have to wait for them to leave and of course they have a bonfire in the yard going to burn down the trees they had to choose down due to the renovation going on next door which resulted in those trees to lose support resulting in them leaning into the yard

Ugh I just remembered I forgot my DVDs at work my coworker has been feeding me to sasciate my growing collection of physical entertainment ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

Oh well I'm sure I'll forget again my next shift oops

I didn't get to see him today sad sad sad but he's excellent at always staying in touch with me which honestly slay of him for not being a barrel of red flags Hush paranoia

Now I'm sitting on my kitchen floor because I ate an edible which lasted about 20 minutes because it was stale hence the desire for once again physical embodiment of said entertaining my synopsis nerves

I'm out of toilet paper but I go for gold with my paper towels ( ´~｀)

I'm happy to be journaling It makes me want to burn the old ones but even if my mind forgets again physical embodiment of the abuse and torture I endured so I don't believe it was all a dream Never reading them

I want to start restricting again but I don't want to lose control and end up sick

Chronic illness makes it nearly impossible anyways I will shut down and get the shakes if I don't eat properly Guess that means I have to actually work out Shudder