#hmajanuary

[lorifragolina]

Midlife Crisis

This is my contributio for the @harringrovemicroficandart January prompt! Prompt: Crisis WC: 805 TW: No TW but It's sad (at least for me...)

Read it on AO3

The thought hit Steve when he looked at the pictures of his last birthday.

Jesus, he looked so old. He didn’t seem old, not that old, but he felt all his 45 years falling over him like a truck.

When did he start to look like his father? He didn’t look “his father” old, he looked way younger, but it wasn’t the point: he didn’t recognize himself. 

Billy was in almost all the pictures, looking so young and beautiful, while he seemed so worn out… when he grew so older than his partner? When their over twenty years relationship had become so tight for Steve? They had been together for the most of their lives. Was that his future? Growing old and tired and just… used to a relationship he didn’t ever recognize anymore?

It wasn’t Billy’s fault, of course. He never stopped trying, he never stopped taking care of Steve, and himself. He regularly hit the gym, ran, ate clean and such things, he was still hot even after all that time and of course, they still had great sex, but… Steve barely started things anymore, but he didn't have the courage to talk to Billy. 

Maybe it was that young new coworker of Steve, just twenty-something and so queer and modern, like Steve never had been. Things are changed now, now a young lad could be a flamboyant gay in his office’s hallways and nobody cared; Steve wore crop tops back in the past, but he could never be like that. Times had changed and he felt he had been left behind. 

He grew resentful. At least Billy had his early teen years to explore, but Steve had been stuck in a twenty-year relationship since he came out as gay before turning twenty.

Stuck… the word struck him. Is it what he really thought? Billy never said no when he asked to try new things; they went places, explored, but Steve had never been interested in doing such things without Billy, and he never was interested in being with anyone else… until now. 

Until the shiny new lad approached him at his desk looking at him like a hot piece of meat. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name… Stud?” He smiled, flashing his tongue, and Steve blushed, completely dumbfounded.

“Steve…” he managed to answer, feeling twenty years younger. They kept playing in the next week and when Steve returned home and looked at his man with his muscled arms in his rolled up shirt, he just felt trapped in that kitchen, even if it wasn’t true. 

“What if we open our relationship?” Steve said one day, trying to seem casual. 

Billy was puzzled, Steve never gave him a clue before.

“Why?”

Steve shied away, he was afraid to confess he just wanted to fuck a brand new baby boy who probably had slept with more men than him. He made some excuses but Billy just didn’t feel comfortable at the moment. 

Steve started to “work late,” and “going out with the coworkers, you know, for team building”, and Billy wasn’t happy when he returned late at night, smelling of cheap alcohol and smoke. 

“Did you go to the club? We can go this weekend together, if you want,” but Steve always declined. It was the point: he wanted to have some experiences alone, even if it wasn’t right towards Billy. 

They never got married, so they didn’t have a nasty divorce; they had a nasty break up indeed, when Steve said things that Billy didn’t deserve and Billy didn’t be quiet in turn.

Of course, Steve was only a pretty distraction for his new young lover, and when he left him empty and alone in his new, little bachelor apartment, he sadly questioned himself and his fucking midlife crisis.

He still thought about Billy, even if they went no contact for the last couple of years; he just found an old box he  probably never opened since he moved out from indiana.

Old tapes, an old walkman too, his yearbook, a little box of pictures… and there, he found it.

A photo he took with his old polaroid during a hike he did with the party.

Billy, in his lifeguard uniform, lazily sitting on a blanket with his book, one of his blond curls burning by the summer sun. He was looking at the camera with his sassy look but a hint of a smile that Steve, holding the picture in his hand, realized he was missing like fresh air. 

He hoped Billy kept his old phone number, Steve didn’t, and he was shaking while dialing it.

“Hargrove,” answered Billy.

“Billy…” it’s me, Steve was about to say, but he realized that he hadn’t anymore the right to be “me”. 

“Billy… it’s Steve…” 

He waited in silence, with his heart in his mouth.

[harringrovemicroficandart]

January prompt

Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity"? Yes. "Crisitunity" (quote).

Yes I'm obsessed by Simpsons, and here you are the January's prompt

Crisis (805 wc)

Bisexual crisis, middle age crisis, mystical crisis looking at each other's underwear... Let's see what there is in your minds!

I can't wait to see your creations! Remember that we are an art challenge too!!

Remember to tag the blog and the hasthag #hmaJanuary Please remember to use the hashtag because otherwise I may forget some post!!!

Please use this new 2025 AO3 collection that will run all the year!! Thanks again to @runraerun for the cute banner and the great suggestions!