#just lil guys who have the most batshit things happen to them

[primarch-victus]

there's just something about the male protagonists of focus entertainment published games; they have bewitched me with their grumpiness and complete lack of people skills

[unohanabbygirl]

FMN SPOILERS!!!!

BE WARNED FMN SPOILERS! Ch. 31-32

……….

Okay these chapters are filled with angst! I can’t even, but I think I saw the moment Daemon die a little bit when Luke is all but rejecting him as a parent. I love that people zoom in on small details (driftmark incident) I didn’t notice but someone zoomed in on Daemon putting his whole arm around Luke as Luke goes to check up on Rhaenyra how he just stands guard and looks at everyone like “I dare you, lay a hand on my future wife and son!” I would think he was Luke’s own father with the way he acts. Harwin, my guy needs to up his game, cause right now he’s all but neglecting Luke, I expected him to demand answers from Aemond and Aegon, who knows he might go over the house and ask? So Luke doesn’t love Aemond yet, but he might soon fall for him, is what I’m getting from him? Rhaenyra and Daemon having marital issues, would that have to do because of what happened between them during the Dance? Something tells me that Rhaenyra finding out Daemon lied to her about how bad it got is going to lead to marital problems in the future I just hope no divorce, but close it, maybe for a little bit a lil separation. Rhaenyra threatening Daemon about taking her babies and leaving him because she can’t trust anyone anymore. That could be the worst thing for Daemon, I feel bad for him but he shouldn’t have lied. The family needs to be on the same page with Luke and it’s like everyone is on a different page or different story. Hiding, lying, making up half truths not a good combo. Brienne is awesome btw!

P.s. this slow burn is killing me, can’t Aemond just climb the window to Luke’s room and sneak in and cuddle with him. They can be quietly making out under the covers and hopefully Daemon doesn’t have a stethoscope trying to hear for anything suspicious.

Daemon has loved Luke from the moment he heard news of Rhaenyra’s pregnancy simply because of the fact that whatever child she had was an extension of her and anything that’s Nyra’s is his. But it was at that moment on Driftmark when he saw what lengths Luke went to defend both his brother and cousins who he barely knew without hesitation is when he went full on dad mode. He practically imprinted on the kid once he saw those chubby cheeks smeared with blood because who wouldn’t???

He’s not an emotional man by a long shot, but when Daemon does allow himself to feel, those feelings hit hard enough to leave him breathless. It’s right at the moment when Luke finishes his rant that the only thing Daemon can do is give him the biggest papa bear hug and kiss because if he didn’t than he’d probably end up throwing something which would only affirm the violence of men in Luke’a mind and probably send him into a bad panic attack.

Harwin is a complicated subject at the moment and I’m glad you noticed. In the beginning we could see how ready he was to finally be a father to his long lost son, but now that presence seems to have dimmed immensely. It’s not that Harwin is trying to be neglectful but that this has all become so real as the true reality of the young man Luke now is comes fully into light. Luke is distant, pushes away most people, and is overall a very hard person to make a connection with if you’re an authority figure. Not to mention that he’s easy to tick off. While Luke may not go full on batshit when annoyed, you can always tell by his demeanor and tone how over it he really is. It’s by no means an excuse for Harwin’s distance as a father, however it does give reason as to why.

The guy is scared that he’ll only drive Luke further away if he pushes but he’ll have to realize trying and failing is better than never having tried at all.

Rhaenyra and Daemon’s marriage is by no means a perfect one yet it’s worked out wonderfully for decades now. With that being said, there are very few things Rhaenyra will accept this time around and lies or omission of the truth is #1 on her list, especially when it comes to her children. Just like her son Rhaenyra can’t stand being lied to and everything Daemon’s covering up is a pretty damn big one.

Martial issues (and issues within their polycule as a whole) are on the horizon and it’s unavoidable considering the circumstances. Rhaenyra would 100% take the kids and book it to the Vale if she felt it was best for their future as a family because if she can’t trust Daemon then who can she trust? This man has been her entire life two times over and though Daemon may not realize it now due to all the stress, he’s putting it all on the line with this horrible idea of protecting her from the truth as if she’s a child rather than a grown woman. Very frustrating but it is what it is.

Lol, Luke’s room being a secret Lucemond paradise while everyone on the outside of that door is on the verge of separating. Poor Daemon’s gonna regret agreeing to give Luke the room with an easily accessible balcony pretty soon.

[taegularities]

So, about the fighting over jungkook's new album, i saw that too. You see, you guys a fanfic writer, a creator, that makes you guys artists too somehow. So lemme ask you a question;

Say you posted a snippet of your upcoming fic just some tags abt it, after coming out of long long writer block, the fic was about some topic you never touched before. People went batshit crazy, calling you names, a sell out, lazy ass mf, how they didnt 'expect it' from you, but they havent even read the whole fic, let alone hearing to you out about the whole process?

so, what would you do about it? what would you FEEL about it?

Oh i bet you'd feel awful, let down, confused, maybe a lil bit anger with attitude of "Oh you know what, I dont owe YOU anything. MY fic, MY story." or something along the line some of you writers always preach up, right?

Hell, yes. it is true. just like you people dont owe us anything, NEITHER does Jungkook. Whatever feeling you have abt the album thats NOT EVEN OUT YET, it's a YOU problem.

acting like you're on a high horse just bcs you think you KNEW better than him and then acting out when people confront abt it. you're the one who's disrespecting him. why does this happen everytime and why do some of you still care.

This ONE album does not ERASE Jungkook's and BTS history. it's just an album. If it doesnt 'vibe' with you no more then the way out is over there. Easy.

see, with messages like these i can never tell whether you're talking about a general 'you' or me specifically, too. bc the only thing i said was that i'm sad he didn't write or produce any of the songs bc i'm more a still with you kinda girly.. that's just my personal taste in music, and the songs he didn't write/produce were good but not 100% my style, is all. i'm still curious about his album and would never judge its sound when — as you said — idek what it'll be like.

your comparison to fics makes sense, and yes, most of us creators would be offended if someone said these things, but i still think people are allowed to say what they feel. i haven't seen anyone blatantly discredit or invalidate the work bts has done so far, and if they did, i'm sorry you had to see it. most of the discourse i've seen is more about ppl either not vibing with the album or others bashing others for not vibing with it. we all still love bts and consider them a safe space — one album will definitely not make anyone forget the things they've done for us. those who do... i don't claim those armys lol. and i think people can have opinions without thinking jungkook owes us anything, just like i know some ppl might not like my fics without thinking i owe them good stories, does that make sense? just. in general, as you mentioned, we should just stop caring about what other people think, yk.

bc if we told armys who are disappointed or not liking this phase to keep their opinion to themselves, ppl will stop expressing themselves altogether, and that's not fair. and i guess that's why armys are often scared to air their thoughts, too.

[love-belle]

hell was the journey but it brought me heaven !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their invisible string was a random unhinged tweet from her and him being her brother's best friend.

or

for when you find someone who's exactly like you and will love you in all the right ways. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

warnings - language

author's note - back for a while :))) i hope u like this <3 thank u so much for reading, i love you <333333

≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 875,315 others

yourusername im actually the chillest girl alive if u don't count the batshit insane shit i've done and continue to do so

8,628 comments

username GIRL WE KNOW

username BITCH HOW ARE U NOT GONNA ACKNOWLEDGE THAT TWEET

username so we all collectively agree that *that* tweet was targeted and it was targeted at DANIEL

username wonder how max is holding up tbh like losing ur bf to ur sister??? gawd dayum

username the most unhinged thing she has ever done and im not even surprised like

username babe js tag him at this point

maxverstappen1 answer my phone.

-> yourusername and u r?????

-> maxverstappen1 IM HOW U WILL MEET UR END IF U DON'T ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE

-> yourusername im telling kelly u yelled at me in MY comments section

-> username girl made max so mad he said "u" and "ur" and "im"

username i SCREECHED when i opened twt like???

username daniel is cheesing so hard rn like that lil shit is probably enjoying this sm

username lando charles carlos lewis NANDO crying over losing a girl to the mf who was unemployed for like half the season

username daniel NOW is the time to slide UP in her dms

username max is gonna feral at the next race

-> username he'll purposely be going slow JUST so he can have daniel kiss the wall i can feel it

-> username FORMULA ONE IS SOOOOO BACK LET'S FUCKING GO

username needed this drama in my life yes 🙏

charles_leclerc "batshit insane shit" and it's you breaking my heart

-> yourusername in another life, i let you make me potentially poisoned pesto (and make ME into pesto)

-> maxverstappen1 WHAT IS THAT THING IN THE PARENTHESES IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

-> username PLEASE max is so suffering bc of this

username SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING

landonorris 3 isn't even that good of a number

-> yourusername idk i like 3 ://

-> landonorris 4 is bigger than 3 js sayin :)

-> yourusername he's bigger where it matters

-> maxverstappen1 HOW DO U KNOW THAT

-> yourusername GIRL HOW DO *U* KNOW THAT

-> username someone get daniel here asap omg

username SHE HAS NO FILTER IM SCREAMING

username lando saw that tweet and burst into tears

-> landonorris real

username max is driving with a personal vendetta in next race

username "batshit insane shit" love to see new poetic devices being invented

danielricciardo hey

-> yourusername heyyy

-> username 3 "y"s GIRL GET UP

-> username we lost her guys

danielricciardo i heard you like big noses

-> yourusername ahahahahaha what!!!!!!!!

-> maxverstappen1 DANIEL RICCIARDO I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN

danielricciardo what's your favourite flower (THIS IS A TOTALLY UNRELATED QUESTION)

-> yourusername i love pink roses (YEAH OKAY I BELIEVE U)

-> maxverstappen1 i'm chucking those trash flowers in the trash it's ON SIGHT

-> yourusername go take a nap since u wanna act like a kid maxverstappen1

-> username PLEASEEE

username half the grid pulling at their hair rn

username i know nando is fuming rn likeeee this is such an L for ALL of them

maxverstappen1 this is what happens when you let someone have unsupervised internet access in their childhood

-> yourusername as if u and i aren't cut from the same branch. i saw those texts about charles and im not afraid of being a homwrecker and f1 deserves to have all the slutiness BACK! i owe sebastianvettel that

-> maxverstappen1 FALSE ACCUSATIONS

-> sebastianvettel do it for the bees

-> maxverstappen1 UR INVALID GO AWAY

≡;- ꒰ °instagram stories ꒱

danielricciardo added to their instagram stories

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by danielricciardo, lilymhe, carmenmmundt and 912,829 others

yourusername saying "me n who" knowing exactly who

9,628 comments

username SHUT THE FUCK UP OHMY HOF

username no WAY that's not daniel

username ??? what?????

username y/n i just need one PEAK at those lestappen texts i will never ever ever ever never ever ever never ever never ever bother u ever again like never ever again

-> username no bc f1 needs the slutiness that seb jenson nando brought

username someone cover max's eyes pls my boy cannot handle this

username THE SECOND AND THIRD PIC OMGJAJAJA

username sleeping on the highway until someone tells me what's going on

lilymhe me and you ❤️

-> yourusername forever and always ❤️

-> alex_albon what am i??? a cabbage???

-> yourusername a cabbitch if u will

-> alex_albon someone ban her from the paddock

username live love laugh y/n verstappen

username WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS PEOPLE

username THE TATTOOS??? THE ENCHANTÉ T-SHIRT??? AND UR TELLING ME THAT IT'S NOT DANNY RIC??? die

username THE HEART PIE IM GONE

username every day the urge to hug a tree at 257 mph grows stronger

maxverstappen1 you and no one.

-> yourusername im one more "????? leave my bf alone ?????" text away from clicking a few times and posting those texts DON'T TEST ME

maxverstappen1 you're banned from the paddock

-> alex_albon THANK YOU

-> yourusername ok fernandoalo_offcial charles_leclerc lewishamilton carlossainz55 landonorris

-> fernandoalo_offcial official aston martin guest

-> charles_leclerc official ferrari guest

-> lewishamilton official mercedes guest

-> carlossainz55 official ferrari guest (PREMIUM PACKAGE)

-> landonorris official mclaren guest

-> username wow

-> username she really do be browsing through the paddock like she's on ebay i aspire to be her ❤️

username girl ur not sly at all

username no bc im SOOOO rooting for her and daniel like they'd be the it couple

username extrovert bf flirting with everyone 🤝 extrovert gf flirting with everyone

danielricciardo you and WHO

-> yourusername me and landonorris

-> maxverstappen1 PLOT TWISTTTTTTTT

-> username they have officially made max lose his mind

-> landonorris y/n you PROMISED AND DANIEL DON'T RUN ME OVER PLS

-> username y/n is a menace for that comment and im here for every second of it

danielricciardo fuck you landonorris

-> danielricciardo i hate you

-> danielricciardo fall down the stairs

-> danielricciardo delete your entire account

-> danielricciardo DEACTIVATE

-> landonorris LEAVE ME ALONE I DID NOTHING

danielricciardo ok kid

-> yourusername don't call me kid don't call me baby

-> maxverstappen1 LOOK AT THIS GODFORSAKEN MESS THAT UR MAKING!!!! pls stop

-> username look at how they massacred my boy he's saying "pls"

username the paddock is about to go up in flames IM GIGGLING

username i know who my 🐐 is

username everyday i wake up and everyday i am surprised that y/n has managed to achieve unachievable levels of unhingeness

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and 1,861,874 others

danielricciardo she's so pretty i report everyone who comments under her posts

tagged yourusername

12,728 comments

username oh he's down BADDDDDDD

username honestly true bf behaviour

username exactly like why u tryna hit on my girl (they're dating in my head)

username need me a man like daniel asap

username if he doesn't do this then i don't want him

charles_leclerc it's true

-> fernandoalo_official can confirm

-> landonorris absolutely right

-> lewishamilton saw it with my own eyes

-> carlossainz55 never has there been a truth more truther than this

-> oscarpiastri he just did it again

-> scuderiaferrari everyone is correct

-> mercedesamgf1 he's not wrong

-> username no bc what kinda blackmail material does daniel have on EVERYONE

-> username oh hell naw he's deffo pulling some strings

-> yourusername daniel give everyone their phone back

-> danielricciardo ??? i don't have their phones what???

-> yourusername really

-> mclaren yes really

-> username THE SILENCE

username going feral over this

username max's blood pressure is reaching sky high limits

username AHHHSJSJSJSKSKKS THEY'RE SO

username parents (REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

username everyone on the grid and their grandmothers are crying bc the lil fruity and the lil shit and the lil goofy dude js managed to rizz up THE y/n verstappen and they were conscious to witness it

-> username u got it the other way y/n rizzed HIM up

-> username fr like that tweet started this *vague gesturing*

-> yourusername exactly put some respect on my name

username never will get over how daniel and y/n were BARELY acquaintances and now they're terrorizing the entire grid together

maxverstappen1 report yourself before i do it for you

-> danielricciardo child i taught you everything you know

-> username HE PULLED *THAT* CARD

-> username it's getting litttt y'all

maxverstappen1 stay away 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺

-> danielricciardo my bad, let me just show her the way out of my bedroom

-> username poor max 💀💀💀 they're js terrorizing him at this point

username good night to daniel and y/n and them only fuck the rest

username live love laugh y/ndaniel unfolding before my own eyes

yourusername daniel what is this breakfast-less behaviour

-> danielricciardo I HAD A COFFEE

-> yourusername THAT DOESN'T COUNT

-> username breakfast-less behaviour im crying 😭😭😭

yourusername u crazy asf i think im in loveeee

-> danielricciardo "think" 😒😒😒😒😒 think again

username fuck everything the real question is who was y/n calling in the first slide (IF THE PHONE WORKED)

-> danielricciardo she called max and asked him to let me pass in the next race because "it builds character and will help my almost-boyfriend think highly of my stupid asshole of a brother"

-> yourusername drinks were weak bc i would've said that shit sober

-> username trust us babe we KNOW

≡;- ꒰ °instagram stories ꒱

yourusername added to their instagram stories

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by danielricciardo, lilymhe, carmenmmundt and 996,518 others

yourusername he's not js some guys he's my babygirl

tagged danielricciardo

9,629 comments

username will never get over y/n and daniel buying matching hotwheels like

username HE'S SO BABYGIRL

username grandma alert in the last pic

-> username PLEASE OMG

username they're MY emotional support people

username i need a timeline of their relationship with extra notes like my life depends on it bc it DOES

landonorris y/n, once again, 4 is bigger than 3

-> yourusername he's bigger where it matters

-> landonorris YOU'RE (ASS)UMING

-> yourusername i don't have to now

-> username I YELLED OH MY GOD

-> username GIRL PLS

-> username she did NOT hold back

username bf who is so babygirl 🤝 gf who is js just some Guy

username EXTROVERT X EXTROVERT WILL ALWAYS EAT UP

username i live for the f1 men fighting for their lives in the comments

-> username y/n is here to make them WORK for no reason at all and i respect her sm for it

username y/n y/m/n verstappen u will always be famous

username CANNOT WAIT FOR THE DANIEL TAKEOVER ON HER ACC

-> username STOP BC daniel.jpg IS ALREADY HER FANPAGE

maxverstappen1 get this off my screen before i throw up

-> yourusername every time u open ur mouth u come closer to being blocked

maxverstappen1 this is getting out of hand

-> yourusername leave me ALONE

maxverstappen1 he's not your babygirl??? why are you calling him a babygirl???

-> yourusername u need to have an enlightened mind to understand it

username max is js a tired brother DONE with his sister and best friend

username i know max's bp spiked after all this like pls let him LIVE

username max regrets not banning y/n from the paddock after the 2018 tyre incident

-> username PLEASE THAT WAS HILARIOUS

-> username LMFAOOOOO I WILL NEVER EVER LET THAT GO

username praying for daniel bc max is out for blood

lilymhe he's just a side chick

-> yourusername duhhhh

-> danielricciardo wow. what about our child huh?

-> maxverstappen1 WHAT CHILD

-> yourusername we adopted a baby tortoise

-> danielricciardo we named it shell-e

-> yourusername u can be the godfather IF u agree to never ever chase daniel with a spatula ever again

-> username too much to unpack here i'll js move on

username WHAT DO U MEAN THEY ADOPTED A BABY TORTOISE AND NAMED IT SHELL-E

username this js keeps on getting interesting

danielricciardo last picture was so unnecessary

-> yourusername shut up i love ur grandma core aesthetic

danielricciardo shell-e and i miss you :)

-> yourusername missing my baby sm <333 u too

-> danielricciardo don't bother coming back

-> yourusername im taking shell-e

-> danielricciardo i get max then

-> maxverstappen1 I DON'T WANT EITHER OF U

-> yourusername ouch

-> danielricciardo harsh

-> username Y'ALL LET THAT MAN BREATHE

username this is historic

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, landonorris and 999,628 others

danielricciardo me and my girl don't argue. she bash my head with a rock and i walk it off.

tagged yourusername

10,971 comments

username "my girl" PEOPLE DIED

username GOING FERAL OVER THIS AHJSJSJSJSJS

username relationship goals honestly

username idiot (affectionate)

username SHE'S SO UNAPOLOGETICALLY PRETTY I WANT HER

*liked by danielricciardo*

username i live for men who r shamelessly in love with their significant others like yesss!!!!!

username spoken like a true man

landonorris all this until she trips you in front of everyone

-> yourusername IT WAS YEARS AGO LET THAT GO

-> landonorris TELL THAT TO THE MEMES CIRCULATING THE INTERNET EVEN NOW

-> danielricciardo i'm just gonna leave

username WE'RE DATING OH YEAHHHH

username daniel got that rizz 💯‼️🔥🗣️🥶

-> username daniel RIZZiardo

username everyone talking maddddd shit abt how daniel rizzed her up when we all know that daniel Stops Functioning whenever y/n talks

-> yourusername REAL TALK

username someone sedate me before i microwave a fork

username max is seething rn i can Feel the fumes

maxverstappen1 i will bash your head in

maxverstappen1 stay away from my sister

maxverstappen1 SHE WILL BULLY YOU TO DEATH

maxverstappen1 she called you an idiot the first time she saw you btw

maxverstappen1 daniel i thought we talked about this

maxverstappen1 OH SO UR REALLLLLY GONNA DO THIS TO UR BEST FRIEND

maxverstappen1 i hope death takes me swiftly and INSTANTLY

maxverstappen1 don't call me up. don't text me. don't come over to my house.

username my man max going through all the 5 stages of grief in the comments

-> username PLEASE has max not suffered enough

username did we really witness maxiel break up in the comments???????

username none of the things that im witnessing are in the constitution of ANY nation

-> username y/n nation???

-> username that's the land of the unhinged and cursed

-> yourusername the highest compliment thank u i blushed and giggled

yourusername you got me saying ":3" to my friends

-> danielricciardo what friends

-> yourusername I HAVE FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF THE PADDOCK

-> danielricciardo no you don't

-> landonorris no you don't

-> maxverstappen1 no you don't

-> charles_leclerc no you don't

-> lewishamilton no you don't

-> carlossainz55 no you don't

-> yourusername fuck u all omg

yourusername i got that biker rizz i can ride all day longgggg

-> danielricciardo trust me i know

-> maxverstappen1 this is kelly and max wanted me to tell you all that he's so angry and mad and furious and livid that he is unable to type and is currently reconnecting with nature so as to not murder his sister or daniel wait he's back

-> maxverstappen1 AHHHSHSHSHHEHSHSJ

-> maxverstappen1 inhale

-> maxverstappen1 someone hand me the bleach

-> maxverstappen1 i need an exorcism

-> yourusername bring kelly back she's not mean unlike u

-> maxverstappen1 SHUT THE FUCK UP

-> username they really made him a soldier

-> username the keyboard smash.......what is this reality

instagram

liked by danielricciardo, lilymhe, francisca.cgomes and 1,268,976 others

yourusername hell (having max lock me in a room bc i made an "inappropriate" joke about my BOYFRIEND) was the journey (getting out of that room by jumping out of the window two feet from the ground and falling in a dumpster) but it brought me heaven (we got cake afterwards)

tagged danielricciardo

11,927 comments

username OH MY GOD

username babe wake up new y/ndaniel lore js dropped

username HELP THEY'RE SO????? WILD???? CRAZY???? BATSHIT INSANE????

username i live for the taylor swift reference

username THEY'RE SO PARENTS

-> username pretty irresponsible parents but parents nonetheless

username i want them

username max leave them ALONE

landonorris you falling in a dumpster and then falling down the front stairs is what makes this life worth living

-> yourusername watch ur back on turn 1

-> landonorris YOU DON'T EVEN DRIVE

-> yourusername MY BOYFRIEND AND MY BROTHER AND MY HOES DO

-> username love y/n shamelessly calling half the grid her hoes like she KNOWS

username i ❤️ them even if they're mothefuckers

username what would i give up to have this kind of relationship

username nobody talk to me i need 3-5 business days to recover from what daniel said about her in that one interview

-> username "i wish i would've met her sooner because before she came in my life, i missed her so bad"

-> username ugly crying with my plushies this is so NOT done

username On my way! to send tweet abt a fruity mf to have this

maxverstappen1 you deserved that timeout

-> yourusername u deserve to have ur ass handed back to u by mum but u don't see me actively trying to achieve that

-> maxverstappen1 IM CALLING MUM

-> username love how y/n can make max go from "stable headed lowercase" to "UNHINGED CAPS" like

-> username this deserves to be scientifically studied 🧠🔬

carmenmmundt love you princess ❤️‍🩹 hope your ankle is doing better

-> yourusername carmen the 🐐 thank u for rescuing me and for making me the most sickest pasta ever!!!!!!!!! charles_leclerc take notes

-> charles_leclerc carmen banned me from her kitchen

-> carmenmmundt stay away from fire and all things sharp. you are a walking hazard.

-> yourusername honestly so justified

username i will never understand just HOW she's so chaotic like ???? miss ma'am ???? do u not rest

-> maxverstappen1 demons don't rest

-> yourusername is that why ur up and lurking in my comments section at 4 in the morning

username this is the best thing that has ever happened to me

username the first pic is so cute im crying fuck YOU

username was the cake good

-> yourusername yess!!!!! it was red velvet AND we got this big ass chocolate cookie with it :))))

username max regrets his LIFE

danielricciardo all along there was some invisible string (an unhinged tweet from you) tying you to me

-> yourusername at least u found a sexie girlfriend who lets u colour in her tattoos

-> danielricciardo yes my built in colour book

danielricciardo gf

-> yourusername bf

danielricciardo my girl my girl my girl

-> yourusername my man my man my man

danielricciardo please never let max go on a vacation with us it's SCARY

-> yourusername mum banned him from going on a vacation with us if it's not a GROUP vacation dw :))

-> maxverstappen1 this is cyber bullying

danielricciardo you're so cool baby jumping out the window like that

-> yourusername i know that 2 feet distance got NOTHING on me

username dear god

username WHY CAN'T THIS BE ME

[ivyaugustetc]

the dead poets at hogwarts: a headcanon from hell

@aedan-mills @charlie-dalton-simp @pretentious-strikes YOU ENCOURAGED THIS BEHAVIOR SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. also i love you a lot but THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

also @aedan-mills i found out that some of the wand stuff is related to their birthdays and i am much too lazy to look all that up and figure it all out, but anyone else is welcome to lmao. sorry to disappoint but alas it's summer and i don't want to research that much. but other than that, please listen to me flex my extensive knowledge on harry potter :)

neil (half blood): i'm sorry,,,, can you say gryffindor? this boy would get up there and in a second the sorting hat would have him all figured out: big dreams with the will to pursue them, but not ambitious enough to step over others to achieve said dreams? sounds like a gryffindor to me. i just know he'd thrive at hogwarts, probably going on to play quidditch (def a chaser) and would excel in charms class. as far as pets go, i feel like he'd stay simple and classy with a chill barn owl he'd name after a famous broadway actor. he would kind of be a mix of james and remus, in which he's wild and crazy but still manages to get good grades. the teachers love him simply because they don't know much about him outside of class. he would absolutely LOVE going to hogsmeade and going batshit crazy at zonko's and honeydukes. he'd have a whole phase where he gets addicted to licorice wands and everyone else thinks they're disgusting but he simply cannot buy enough of them. he'd play a bunch of zonko tricks on the rest of the poets, saving the most harsh for charlie and the most wholesome for todd <3

todd (muggle born): ugh see i can see him being both a hufflepuff and a ravenclaw, but my heart says hufflepuff so i'm gonna go with that. he would absolutely HATE the sorting ceremony with a burning passion. getting up in front of everybody only to have a hat judge u??? no thanks. HAHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM ON A BROOM. i can't either because he would simply never get on one, probably referring to them as "flying death traps" more often than not. "hey todd, you think about joining quidditch?" "no thanks, i'd rather keep my limbs intact ;)". but he would love muggle studies a lot, even if the teacher was boring as hell. snape would scare the hell out of him for sure, resulting in his lowest class being potions. he would excel in classes that are more learning out of the book rather than in practice. for a pet, he'd want something that could not possibly turn on him and would just be sweet and loving, so ima give him a toad :) he'd name it something fancy and british, like nigel or sumn. and because of nigel, he'd love chocolate frogs because hey they're twins!!

fanon knox (pure blood): hogwarts fuck boy. okay well maybe not f boy but like...his favorite part is the fact that this is a co-ed school rather than an all-boys school so he can spy on both genders equally yknow. hmm i get hufflepuff vibes from him because he's a big romantic, sucker for cute relationships, etc. he would enjoy whichever class his current crush is in, although I feel like he'd do well with classes that involved spells and wand work mostly lmao. he'd want a really fucking cute pet, so i'd give him a kneazle (it's like a cat but a bit more lion like). he'd give it a strong sounding name, something german idk. but he'd love the shit out of that kneazle, i can tell you that much. i feel like he'd try out for quidditch his first few years, not make it on, and then make it on to the team around fourth year and somehow end up team captain in seventh (and that proves kids, that you too can have a redemption arc in sports). as far as candy goes, ima say he likes the super sour candy like acid pops n shit. like i feel like the others would dare him to each as much sour candy as he can and then he wouldn't be able to taste for a week. but he'd think it was worth it :)

cameron (muggle born): good god this boy just wants to learn. magic just fascinates him, what with growing up in a big muggle family (bestie he is the weasleys if they were all type a). he's a ravenclaw, no questions asked. he would love classes involving preciseness and attention, things like potions and transfiguration. i feel like he'd have a cute, stable relationship along the way ofc because he deserves so much love and happiness and UGH he's a baby. he'd stick with a lil ginger cat, naming it after one of the famous wizards he's read about. he would love spending christmas at the school and going places when the ground are nearly empty, enjoying the scenery. for candy, he'd go plain and simple with chocolate frogs. can't go wrong with those. he'd still have fun with his friends, but he'd skip a lot of parties for some studying (don't judge, i do it too lmao). would not play quidditch but would enjoy it, end of story.

charlie (pure blood): slytherin. don't dispute it. think the weasley twins but even more flirtatious. he would be a regular at every single party that happened, flirting with the guys and gals shamelessly and drinking butterbeer like it was water. look me in the eye and tell me he would not absolutely fucking HATE GILDEROY LOCKHART WITH EVER FIBER OF HIS BEING. he'd do spot-on impersonations of him though. teacher's worst enemy. like when he walks into class on the first day, every teacher collectively mutters "bloody hell not this kid again". asks the most incredibly stupid questions ("okay but is there a spell to turn my eyebrows green? just the eyebrows though, not my hair"). he would be the most aggressive beater on the slytherin team, though he would never deliberately try to hit someone, just distract the shit out of them ("put the fear of god in them and fate will do the rest"). he'd want a loud, aggressive pet but he'd probably end up with a mean cat that hisses at everyone. he'd give it the most adorable name that just. does not fit the personality. something like priscilla. for candy, he'd take his chance with bertie botts' every flavour beans and just roll with the punches. he's chaotic like that.

pitts (half blood): ASTRONOMY IS HIS JAM. he fucking loves that class. he tutors the entire ravenclaw house in that class. he's the guy that little first years who are terrified of the class go to when they're completely lost and don't understand what's going on. besides that, i feel like he'd just be everyone's cool older brother yknow? like he'd be in charge of helping all the first years figure out where stuff is and giving them advice to help them and stuff. he would be a die-hard quidditch fan although he would not play the sport (maybe recreationally on the weekends and holidays and stuff, but the fact that it's so fucking dangerous just does not appeal to him). he'd like the candy that does tricks and stuff, like fizzing whizbees and stuff. he gives me charlie weasley vibes, where he's hardcore in certain areas (in his case, astronomy) and just flipping chill in anything else. cool older brother vibes, man. it fits.

meeks (half blood): i've said it once and i'll say it again: nonproblematic ginger dumbledore. also a hufflepuff <3 this dude just wants to fucking coast along, getting good grades and not participating in the dumb shit that could probably get him killed (even though he would in a heartbeat if his friends were in danger. duh). he'd be a teacher's favorite, probably having conversations with his favorite teachers during free time. okay ik this isn't technically at school, but i swear to god he would be dumbledore one day. like he would be the chill ass headmaster who gets shit done while also being very la di da life is nice flowers are pretty type of person. that being said, his favorite candy is and has been lemon drops ever since dumbledore got him addicted to them. his favorite classes would be potions (he'd surprisingly get along well with snape) and he'd just be great and mixing shit right and just knowing how much of stuff to add in ("how much powdered root do i add?" "about three and a half shakes." "that's not a measurement, meeks." "*shrug* it works"). he'd stick with his small friend group and love them to death, but he'd be a friend to all really. he'll help anyone that comes to him asking for help with homework (and though he won't admit it, he gets super prideful when it's someone a few years ahead of him).

stick (muggle born): harry potter if harry potter could've been more harry potter. like he would just be a part of everything and end up being part of some prophecy that demands he'd save the world and at first he'd be like HEY i'm just a small boy but then he'd grit his teeth and finesse the shit out of this preventing the end of days stuff. he'd definitely be a gryffindor, and fucking proud of it. he'd be the seeker on the quidditch team because he is so short and small and yeah he'd fucking kill it there. he'd kind of be the shy one no one expected much from, but once he starts absolutely wrecking the shit out of the other houses' quidditch teams, he'd become sorta popular? like people would invite him to parties and stuff and he's too nice to say no, but he'd mostly just hang around the outskirts, saying hi to the other poets if he saw them and mostly talking to chris and ginny (danburry, not weasley). he'd like defense against the dark arts and minerva mcgongiall would become his literal mother i can't explain it. he'd have an owl as a pet and treat it like it was his own child, telling it thank you every time it brought his mail or took his mail. as for candy, he'd like drooble's bubble gum because the bubbles are all magic and shit and i just feel like that would make him so happy <3

chris (pure blood): the older sister lesbian <3 she'd be a sweet hufflepuff who would be friends with everyone while also being the greatest socialite the school has ever seen. you know that party that practically the entire school attended and talked about for months on end? she planned that shit. she'd be like pitts in the respect that she'd help all the first years find their way in the school and in life in general. she's just such a warm and kind person that everyone would love her. she's have a little pink pygmy puff to match ginny's purple one, and she'd give it such a perfect, human name like lila or something. she'd be great at muggle studies and all the teachers would love her. also every one is so invested in her relationship with ginny it's adorable. he favorite candy is acid pops even though they make her eyes water like crazy. she'd make pretty good grades, every once in a while getting one slightly lower than she'd expected, but she always manages to bring them up to her satisfactory level :) she would not play quidditch, but she would go all out to support ginny, even though they're in different houses. that's what i call love, baby.

ginny (half blood): the mom lesbian <3 she's a ravenclaw and also one of the sweetest people in the whole school. while chris helps other with the social aspect, ginny will help anyone in any subject they need help with (she and meeks are a help duo on this). she's quieter and less social than chris, but she's one of the best chasers the ravenclaw quidditch team has ever seen. she'd end up team captain by fifth of sixth year. she'd be like oliver wood in that she is sO invested in the team's success that at sometimes she'll go a bit crazy, but chris is always there to help her put things back into perspective <3. she'd make stellar grades of course, being good friends with all of her teachers. her favorite candy would be the sweetest things like fairy floss. as previously stated, she'd have a purple pygmy puff to match chris's pink one, and she'd also give it an adorable human name like lisa or something. ginny's just sweet to everyone, especially neil and his friends.

I DID IT. IT TOOK FOREVER AND A FEW HAIL MARYS BUT I DID IT. enjoy besties <3 love u all

[hueningkoi]

In honor of Murdy's first birthday tomorrow I'm gonna info dump about my oc's. Yolo. Long post ahead lol feel free to scroll past 😅

Oldest sibling on the left is 31 yr old Murdy Pine of course they are a lil wild card energetic and obnoxious pansexual nonbinary he/they and acts like the youngest. Gets into A LOT of trouble. Always seems to have new clothes and buys people things for them but neither Zed or Mo have any idea what Murdy does for a living. He disappears a lot and comes back suspiciously overly cheerful. Has a concerning neck scar and missing part of his left ear and they come up with a different ridiculous story about what happened everytime it comes up. The last story he told he said he he lost his ear during a poker game with one of the k*ardashian's bodyguards. Murdy got "caught cheating" and the guy lost it and "went all mike tyson on my ass." No one believes them.

Murdy's younger brother is Zed Pine in the pic in the middle. He is an Edgelord. Angsty little 26 yr old. He is really athletic and loves to play sports but he is also not social or extroverted at all but for some reason attracts jocky social butterfly dude bros all the time? He goes to the gym and everyone there loves him even tho he barely says anything to them? He has been adopted by his entire local gym and he doesnt know what to do about it Murdy help him please. He also is an insomniac and seems like he never sleeps and is a long suffering younger brother to a ball of chaos named Murdy Pine. He's also asexual or demisexual he doesn't know all he knows is he can't be bothered with all that but sometimes the guys at the gym look sorta nice to him physically? Maybe? Meh. Whatever. *pulls his pokemon game out and ignores you*

Mo Pine in the drawing on the right is their younger cousin she's 17 and she tries hard to be a tough person but is such a cinnamon roll underneath. She is like Murdy and Zeds unnofficial little sister even though she's always the one telling Murdy to drink some freakin water and Zed to go THE HELL TO SLEEP Or she'll kick their asses which they know she never will because she learned that she can't throw a punch to save her life. She's not allowed to cook because she'll set the kitchen on fire. She is clumsy on her feet and can and will trip and fall on literally nothing. The ground loves her. She's tired of skinning her hands from falling so. The gloves. Also she's probably not gay right? Murdy always makes hints about it and she's not dumb she knows what they are getting at but like... Yesterday this girl at the Cafe winked at her and Mo ran into a table and knocked the napkin dispenser off and she was so embarrassed she couldn't look at cafe girl but thats just probably because she's clumsy and embarassed herself and not because that girl had the cutest freckles and made her stomach flip and... well it's whatever.

They all are very close and would die for each other but they all also bug each other so much and would not hesitate to tackle one another to the ground at a moments notice. Classic sibling behavior. Mo and Zed think Murdy is secretly an assassin or a spy or something and they get together once a week and play videos games and talk about what the hell Murdy DOES for a living. There is a folder they've been filling up. It's their project.

Murdy likes to plan surprise birthday parties for Mo and Zed at the most batshit times of the year no where NEAR thier birthdays and even if it's weird and out of nowhere they are always THE BEST PARTIES EVER.

A classmate made fun of Mo for falling going up the stairs at her school and she acted like it didn't hurt her feelings but it did and Murdy was furious. The next day the stairs were missing like completely torn out and the girl who made fun of her was hysterical saying that there was an entire giant pile of destroyed crumbled cement in her living room this morning and her parents were furious and confused and called the police but no one knows how it got there at all still and the school is working on fixing the stairs immediately because they also got an anonymous envelope with a pineapple sticker on it with a donation of money to fix the stairs and a note that said "sorry got a little upset and carried away. Kowabunga brother." Mo is very confused but it kind of made her day.

[shurisneakers]

shut in [4]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: cursing, threats

Word count: 3.7k

A/N: greetings everyone!! how are we all doing? i have nothing to say here tbh so anyway stan sam wilson being a lil shit whenever possible. 

i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!! also if you want to be on the taglist, it’s mentioned at the bottom of the chapter.

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Alright, thank you.”

You hung up the call, trudging back to the house, discarding the battery along the way.

The air had a chill to it and there was an occasional breeze that went past, rustling leaves providing an eerily comforting background score. The temperature tended to rise as the day went on but nights were especially cold due to the abundance of trees. 

Even though the stress of the situation you were in constantly consumed all your waking thoughts, you still found the time to appreciate how beautiful your surroundings were. 

The last few days were barely memorable. Sam and you tended to stay out of each other's way unless your meal time coincided or you watched the local news together. The schedule had worked out favourably.

He wasn’t very hard to live with.

Most of the time.

His commentary and small jokes were never-ending but were not as unwelcome as you initially thought. It brought some much needed light into your otherwise dreary day. When it came to figuring out how to do laundry due to your now extended stay or whose turn it was to do it, things got a bit messy but were resolved quickly.

He used to disappear often for hours on end. You never concerned yourself with going after him to find out where he went, figuring that unless he was hatching a plot that led to your demise, he was entitled to his own privacy. He’d return a while later, calmer than when he left.

It was fine. Nothing to write home about. Neither of you were dead yet.

“What are you doing on the bed?” You were reconsidering your last thought when you walked into the bedroom to resume your self-interrupted sleep, only to find him face down on the sheets. “It’s my day today.”

“Just give me some time. I’ll be out of here soon enough.” His voice was muffled as he spoke into the sheets.

“You can take all the time you need tomorrow when it’s your turn.” You swatted at his legs, earning a grunt of chagrin from him.

“Go eat some soup and maybe you’ll calm down,” he fired back, unmoving.

“Today’s not soup day. Which you would know if you paid attention to our schedule. That we made. Together. The same schedule which says it���s my turn today.”

He groaned, shoving his face deeper into the pillow. “My back’s killing me. Just give me a few.”

“Why, what’d you do?” you asked curiously, letting go of his leg.

“Combat training. Took a few beatings, fucked up my spine.”

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“It comes and goes.” Sam finally rolled onto his back, giving you a view of his face. His bone structure was amazing, even from quite possibly the ugliest angle you could have over him. “You should’ve seen the other guy.”

You just stared at him as he linked his arms behind his neck, elevating his head to look at you. He had a small stubble that was starting to grow longer. You wondered if he would shave it. He looked good regardless.

“How’s your beloved?”

“Huh?”

“The person you keep sneaking around to talk to on the phone. I’m not your dad, y’know. You can talk to them inside the house, ‘m not gonna ground you,” he quipped, a small, teasing smile on his face.

“He’s not my lover. Just... an acquaintance.” You felt the awkwardness starting to set in after you trailed off. “Anyway since you’re awake, we need to talk.”

“‘Bout what?”

“What happened that day. We’ve been avoiding it but we need to figure out what went wrong. Or at least a clue.”

“Okay,” Sam agreed, wincing as he sat up straight. “How do you want to do it?”

“Just talk me through how you got put on this mission and what exactly happened that day, I guess.” You took a place on the bed, leaning backward on your hand for support.

He nodded, delaying for a second to collect his thoughts before beginning.

“So basically-”

The sun was particularly relentless that day.  

The ringing bell above the door of his favourite coffee shop was a welcoming sound. The barista smiled at him in greeting, asking if he wanted his usual to go.

His park bench was empty as it always was. Sam liked to think of it as a small gift from the universe; the fact that it was perpetually unoccupied.

He liked to sit there and watch people’s day go by. His iced coffee-

“I don’t really require that much detail.”

“Patience. I’m getting there.”

It was arguably one of the most peaceful days he had had in awhile, and he was hoping to keep the streak going. Nothing seemed like it would phase him, not even the phone ringing, drawing his attention away from the scene in front of him. Caller ID didn’t trace who it was.

“Hello?”

“Wilson.”

Sam gripped the cup so hard he thought it might spill over onto his jeans.

“I told you not to call me, Ransone.”

“But honey we had such a good time last night,” he faux cooed, “You know I have needs-”

“I’m not getting involved in your stupid organisation, Vincent. I told you I’m done,” Sam broke in, not wanting to waste time listening to his stupid dramatics.

“Listen here, Wilson.” The swift change in his tone was looming, threatening. “You’re done when I say you’re done-”

“Wanna bet?” Sam took a sip of his coffee. “I thought we made it clear in Detroit that we’re done. Honey.”

He added the last part out of pure spite just to get a rise out of him. Much to his glee it seemed to work as Ransone let out a deep exhale before continuing.

“That was before we found out there’s a mole in my gang. I want you to kill him.”

“This is way below my pay grade. Have one of your interns do it. Your shitty murder warehouse hasn’t seen much action in a while.”

“This is Pierce we’re talking about. If he’s working for another organisation, his ass is going to be so guarded, these kids couldn’t wouldn’t even get past the gate. Besides, you know my murder warehouse is for special guests only-”

“Man, it must suck real hard to be you right now,” Sam didn’t wait for him to complete his sentence. He finished the last bit of the drink he had left, gathering his things before standing up. “Find someone else. I’m out.”

“You might want to reconsider that. We found him.”

He stopped in his tracks.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sam said steadily, grip on the phone tightening.

“I think you do, though. Had us fooled for a while there, thinking he’s dead. A little more research, some cash into the right pockets and boom! There he is, clear as day.”

Sam felt a chill go up his spine.

“He doesn’t know we know. We’re just keeping an eye on him for now.”

“If you even fucking think of touching him-” his fists were balled up, struggling to keep his anger from rising.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t.” Ransone laughed. “I’ll just have one of my interns do it.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Ransone. It’s not somethi-”

“Do this hit and I’ll leave him alone,” Ransone interjected. “You’ve worked so hard to pull him from our radar, Sammy. It would be a shame if it all went to waste.”

Sam’s jaw clenched. Suddenly the day didn’t seem as bright as it was a few minutes ago.

“I’ll text you the details. You tend to leave me on read so I thought I’d make it more fun. Do you want the confetti with the message or the lasers-”

Sam just hung up the call, feet firmly rooted in his spot. He had no idea what he was going to do.

The notification of a new text alerted him. Pierce’s address along with the exact timeline of when he’d be home.

It was across the country. If he botched the mission on purpose, Ransone wouldn't be able to find him for a few days at least, much less reach him. He could go on the run-

‘Do it or he dies.’

His train of thought was interrupted by a picture that made his blood boil.

Especially when it exploded with the stupid confetti effect.

“Okay, basically he threatened you with something to go do the hit.” You didn’t ask him what exactly he was threatening him with and Sam didn’t really elaborate.

“Yeah. Didn’t leave me with much of a choice. He’s batshit fuckin’ crazy anyway, I knew he’d do whatever he felt like.”

“So you ended up going.”

Pierce didn’t seem to get many visitors. Not that anyone could be blamed, this guy was one of the biggest pieces of shit Sam had had the misfortune of meeting.

Over the two days he had staked out in front of the mansion to find out if this guy had as much security as Ransone had boasted of, Sam had come to the conclusive truth that no, he very much did not. He had a standard home security system which was lacklustre compared to the rest of the house.

Maybe he just assumed that being a senior member of the mob would garner some fear to his name. Dumbass.

He found the tall shrubbery surrounding the property to be out of the line of sight of the camera, and climbing it wasn't very hard. He landed softly on the manicured lawn, adjusting his gloves and checking his surroundings before pulling his gun that was secured in the waistband of his pants.

He removed the safety, keeping it close to him as he stalked through the front yard.

The red car parked at the side earned an eye roll from him. If he had one, there was no doubt there’d be more. He just had to find a basement or garage.

Walking around the house, he kept close to the wall, searching for any opening to the basement.

It didn’t take long before he found a set of stairs to the exterior entrance of the basement. He checked to see if anyone was around before making his way down them. The lock was unsurprisingly easy to pick.

The basement was mostly dark save for a few strategic lights placed to highlight the magnificence of his several race cars. The man was moved slower than the second coming of Jesus. The cars just seemed like an overcompensation.

The switchboard was not difficult to find. He pulled open the cover, glancing at the switches before turning all of them off, plunging the whole basement into darkness. If his security system was as outdated as Pierce was, it would have turned off along with the rest of the house.

“Oh, that’s why the cameras weren't working when I showed up.” Bits that seemed amiss were beginning to place itself together the more his story progressed. “I assume you entered the house through the window on the side?”

“Sure did.”

Your guess was right. He’s the reason why it was ajar by the time you arrived.

As soon as he entered he had his gun raised. Scanning the room as he went past, his senses were dialed up to eleven. If he was really under the protection of Serpentine, they were doing a terrible job. He had gotten in completely unscathed.

As he made his way deeper into the house, the sound of some movie playing became louder. But he had cut off the power supply to the house.

His eyebrows pulled together tightly into a frown, he made his way down the hall towards the sound. No one was in the dining or living room he canvassed.

Finally, Pierce’s silhouette became clearer. He appeared to just be sitting there idly while a smaller screen played in front of him. It wasn’t a TV, just an iPad.

If Pierce was asleep it would just make the job easier. Gun raised, Sam made his way into the room silently.

Pierce was still. Sam raised the gun, taking a step closer.

A floorboard creaked.

He immediately cringed, shoulders tensed as he came to an immediate stop. It seemed like forever as he waited for Pierce to wake up, to brandish a gun and try and defend himself.

He didn’t.

Taking a step to the side, Sam moved diagonally. Each one was slow. Ready for any sudden movements from his end.

He finally stopped in front of Pierce.

A bullet hole in his forehead. Eyes open. Chest still.

He was dead.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Sam breathed out, lowering his gun. Pierce’s glassy eyes stared blankly ahead. He didn’t look like had been dead for too long.

A soft thud in another room made his head snap up. It was in the same direction from where he came.

He silently moved backwards to the corner of the room, hoping that the darkness was enough of a disguise as he saw someone stalking down the hallway.

“And that’s when you come in. Thought you were comin’ back to make sure he was dead.”

“I had just got there. Saw that everything was off, and just assumed it was a power outage.”

“What about you? How’d you end up there?” Sam had his legs crossed, leaning forward to listen to you.

“Ransone told me that there was a spy who was sending information out for nearly two years. Needed him gone and he wasn’t sure if his other agent would show up-” you mentioned to him- “I guess that’s you. Told me I had an opening at 8pm. When I got there, the CCTV was off. Found the window open so I just used that.”

You were replaying your memory, step by step to remember what exactly you had seen. 

“Heard the movie playing, found no one when I went down the hall. I saw the car keys on the island, which came in handy later. Entered the room, pushed his head with the gun and he just slumped over like a damn rag doll. That’s when you made your grand entrance.”

“Got one chance to make an impression. Had to make sure I looked cool, emergin’ from the shadows and whatnot.”

“It doesn’t make sense though.”

“Ouch. Thought it was pretty legit, actu-”

“No, no-” you waved him off. “Not your entrance. The henchmen thing.”

He paused, mulling over what you said. “If he was working for Serpentine, he would have been more careful. Why did they show up after he’s dead?”

“I don’t think they work for Serpentine. If Pierce was giving them information, they wouldn’t kill him.” You had good reason to be confident about that. You thought you did, from previous assessments.

“Unless they were scared that he’d switch again,” Sam suggested. You looked up from your fidgeting fingers to him. “Didn’t want any of their secrets going back to Ransone. They got to him before we did.”

“Why’d they shoot at us then? If they killed him and left, why’d they wait for us to show up? Why did they try to kill us?”

“I think we’re ignoring the important thing here,” he paused. You looked at him expectantly, prodding him on. “How did they know we were coming? They should have killed him and disappeared but they expected us.”

You tilted your head. “Are you saying-”

“There might be more.”

“Pierce might not have been the only one,” you finished. “There are more spies.”

“Tipped ‘em off. Told them we were going to be there.”

“And killing us was just to poke Ransone with a stick,” you murmured, eyes downcast, fidgeting with your fingers again. “But that just seems random. It doesn’t make sense.”

“None of this makes sense, sweetheart.” Sam scoffed, leaning back again.

“We’re missing something. There’s something wrong.” You looked at him. “If it’s just a random attack, why did they release our face to the whole fuckin’ country? Why are they specifically targeting us?”

“Finishing what they started. Covering all their tracks from that day. If we’re not dead, we’re a liability.”

“What if it’s not Serpentine at all? What if it’s another gang?”

“Serpentine has the most motive.”

“We don’t know that.”

He looked at you incredulously. “I think there’s substantial evidence to suggest they fuckin’ hate us. Besides, they’d want me dead specifically.”

“Why?” you inquired, eyes narrowing.

He opened his mouth like he was going to explain but closed it a second later, leaving you guessing.

“Fine, but it doesn’t mean they’re the only ones who do.” You made a point to ask him later or at least conduct your own research into it. 

“Okay,” he said, shifting to lean on his elbows, “who else could it be? If Pierce was working for Serpentine and Ransone found out, sends someone to kill him, it’s essentially an attack on one of their own members. I’d say that's a pretty good motive.”

“I don’t know. Hydra doesn’t like us either. There’s Ten Rings too. But Serpentine just doesn’t work out.”

“How are you sure?” he asked. “You a spy for them too?”

You rolled your eyes at him as he raised his eyebrow. “It doesn’t make sense. What if we’re missing something? Did we go through everything?”

“I just went through my entire story down to the most irrelevant details. Twice. Nothing’s missing on my end.” He pushed himself off the bed, taking a long stretch before looking back at you.

“I think we should do it again. Just to make sure.” You rotated your torso to look at him. “We can figure it out-”

“You’re going to lose your mind if you keep at this any longer for today. Take a break.”

“I can’t take this lightly. Everyone’s out there looking for us and there is no one we can trust-”

“And going through our stories for the third time today is going to solve that how?” He had his hands crossed over his chest like a stern parent.

“I’m sorry but our faces are probably plastered in every damn police precinct in the country,” you snapped, “And I think that us remembering something some stupid detail might actually help rather than, I don’t know, taking naps and eating sandwiches. So no, I’m not going to drop it. Because I actually want to get out of here.”

You didn’t mean to sound so angry with him. He had told you everything twice already and patiently answered questions that you had. You didn’t think he was lying. You had no way of knowing but you hoped that some sort of allegiance was being formed between you both.

There was silence for a minute, leaving enough time for the guilt to creep in when he didn’t fire back. It’s what you expected.

“I’m not asking you to drop it. I’m saying take a break,” he said calmly. “You’re thinkin’ enough for the both of us anyway.”

You let out a small exhale, forcing the edge to retreat from your voice.

“I’ll be back in a while.” With that he turned around and left the room. A few minutes later you heard the backdoor open and shut.

Great.

You massaged your throbbing temples, eyes closed. He was right. Your mind wasn’t clear and you had been at this for hours. You wouldn’t be able to think critically.

Or at all.

You dropped back on the bed, grabbing a pillow and pressing it to your face. The coolness of the fabric felt nice.

You just let out a sigh, turning to your side to hopefully get some sleep.

_____

You woke up what seemed like hours later to a dark room.

It took your eyes a while to adjust stepping out into the hallway illuminated by the light in the kitchen.

“Hey,” Sam’s voice rang out. “Made you a sandwich.”

You rubbed your eyes groggily, looking where he was pointing. Sure enough, there was a sandwich on the table. He sat at the seat adjacent to it.

“Thank you.” You contemplated sitting next to him for dinner. It would be a first.

In the end you just grabbed your plate, giving him a half smile before making your way to the couch. You settled on sitting on the floor instead, leaning your back against the foot of the sofa.

The TV was already halfway through playing Megamind so you just let it continue, mindlessly chewing on the bread. As far as peanut butter sandwiches go, it wasn’t all that bad.

“Wilson,” you called out sheepishly, eyes not leaving the movie. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. It wasn’t right.”

“It’s okay.”

How he let go of it so easily was beyond you. The sandwich was surprising too, but you took it, not wanting to change his mind. He couldn’t have poisoned it. You had checked his stuff.

You sat in silence for the rest of the movie. Your mind kept slipping in and out of thought but it was a comfortable atmosphere you found yourself in.

After the credits started rolling, you went to leave your plate in the sink. Sam brushed past you, grabbing the blanket at the foot of the couch, launching himself onto the cushions.

“What are you doing?” you asked, puzzled as he snuggled in.

“Going to sleep?” He tilted his head to look at you.

“Use the bed.”

“It’s your turn today.”

“Your back’s fucked up. I’ll take the couch.”

He didn’t budge.

“Go on.” You mentioned to the room with a shrug of your shoulder.

“You’re not going to let me argue, are you?”

You pressed your lips into a straight line to hide a smile, shaking your head lightly.

“Well, okay.” He let out a small noise as he got up. “Guess I’m sleeping business class tonight.”

Sam walked past you, careful not to bump into you. You swapped places with him, making your way to the couch, readjusting the blanket that was haphazardly left there.  

“Y/N.” You peered at him from the corner of your eye, only to fully turn when you caught his gaze. “I appreciate it.”

You just nodded, tossing the blanket over yourself as he switched off the light.

Next part

[everyothermouse]

A lil group portrait of the time au adventuring gang!! Them <333

Basically tol fucked up as a kid and is now on the run from the law, but realized that since his life was so crazy he could live off of telling stories of his wacky adventures. When he met Jay he wanted him to come with him, and when he found out jay couldn't come cus he was virtually a demon/god/magic magnet he decided he NEEDED to bring him to capitalize on how it'd make more cool stories. And yeah it worked so since then he's been collecting wackos to aaa go crazy aaaa go stupid (and also bcus safety I numbers or whateva, pop and pip are also criminals and pastel and jay are crimes against god <3) more about each individual under the cut!

Doin them from left to right :)

Pastel: died when she was messing around with some friends and got stuck under a big rock and left to starve. But because of a fluke in the underworld her God decided to resurrect her, a right usually only belonging to saints. Because of this she's now poorly pretending that she totally did something to deserve being revived (she tells a different story every time someone asks, she thinks it's funny) to avoid being persecuted for suspected witchcraft. She met Jay when they were both drunk and they had fun fucking around in the city, and she spilled the beans to him that she was revived for no reason. She regretted it, but jay didn't kill her because even though he's religious he knew what it felt like to be magically cursed and have everyone be pissed at u for it. Also she's really funny with jay so tol begged her to come with them to add more Comedy(tm) to his memoirs

Pop: a time traveller and angel who is trying to hide both of those facts but only really succeeding at hiding the time travel thing. When they were a kid they traveled to this time with his friends Lustre and Cherrybomb, but when they were attacked by the vicious royal guard they weren't able to escape without leaving Lustre behind. Cherrybomb super repressed that memory, and while pop recovered from some minor injuries they vowed to never time travel again. Yeah they only kept that up until they were like 15, but they still couldn't bring themself to go back to when they left Lustre. But now they're 26 (well technically they're like 33 but in their time their supposed to be 26) living with their boyfriend cherrybomb and have years of time travel experience under their belt, and they're ready to go back. Except they can't go back because they created a travel block for themself by accident because of how upsetting the event was, so instead they traveled as close as they could, about 10 years in the future of the time. Now they search for any form of closure, all they need to know is what happened to their friend, and they will do whatever it takes to find this out. But angels aren't super welcome in the past, especially not with uncut wings, so it's not exactly easy for them to navigate this time period. But after a while of their search they met two lovely children (well young adults), a demon and a "cursed" (nowadays they call em spiritually gifted) and felt so bad for how much the world seemed to be against them they decided they could travel with them, just for a bit, to protect them. They tried not to get attached. They failed. They're in it for the long run now aren't they TwT also as they explore this time and learn more about the gods, they start to realize that they might... be the God of longevity???? Or at least an older version of them became them? Time travel is fucked man

Btw Lustre plays a big role in this plot, her hyper futuristic knowledge, 'blessed' white eyes, and strange God gifted clothing would all lead to him rising to a much different role than fugitive rather quickly, but they're not who this post is about ;) also I'm gonna go bottom to top for the 3 in the middle let's go

Lune: just a little guy :) lune is a young rancher/gardener who worships the God of the wood, who kind of goes missing sometimes and is lowkey the least loyal God but shhhh he loves them. Lune and tol were childhood friends (along with their pal cleo) but on one of their little excursions tol took something very important to a very powerful king, and refused to give it back. As retribution the king destroyed their entire town, and cleo put all the blame on tol, tol and lune both knew lune had to take the side against tol in order to not have the town turn on him. So yeah he moved with the town to bring up a brand new farm, long awaiting the day when tol would come home and say that things were OK and they could settle back in town together, hopefully with cleo too. That didn't happen, but tol did come back and peer pressure lune into part time adventuring with him! So yeah generally lune just runs his lil farm and prays, but when tol comes to pick him up he gets a chance to go be free to act batshit crazy, just like when he was a kid 🥰

Pipes: DEmon! One time lune and tol had a little squabble so lune was like 'im gonna get a new best friend and ur gonna regret this' and tol was like 'yeah right, u live with a bunch of criminals right now no one's gonna wanna be ur bestie dumbass' so lune just walked into a cave at night and dragged out this little nonverbal demon because demons who live alone in caves don't have high standards for friends. Even tho it was just a ploy to make tol jealous lune went super hard on it and now pipes is actually friends with the gang lmaoo

Tol: like I said with lunes, stole something important from a king as a kid, monarch got pissed, blew up the town, town got pissed at tol for it, and since then he's been on the run because he's too stubborn to give back the damn thing (they could have just attacked HIM for it, but since la queen decided to fuck with his town, his family, tol thinks he doesn't deserve to have it back.) He had to run from town to town and got into a lot of danger in his attempts at finding places to hide, but he lacks fear and tended to fight stuff off. As a kid he found that he could get enough pity to be welcomed into towns if he told people he had to fight a monster to get there, so he told stories at every town and camp he went to of his hardships. But as he got older, those he stayed with beckoned him to keep talking, and more and more people said they had heard of his adventures. And that's when when it clicked, his shining ticket to true freedom wasn't a place, it was his stories. They gave him food, shelter, fun, memories, a life. So he made it his mission to never settle down, to make his life as crazy as possible and to talk about it as much as possible, and if he ever ran out of energy to adventure, he'd spend the rest of his dying days writing and writing his entire life story. He thought this was a life he'd live alone, but one day he sought refuge in jays little lonely house because he thought it was abonded, luckily though Jay had just been praying for a second chance at life and decided that considering the timing, tol must be that second chance. So yeah jay patched him up, found out on his monthly supply route he was harboring someone very wanted, and took care of tol even harder because he didn't know or care why he was wanted, he just knew that anyone who had a drawing of them as a child on a wanted poster definitely didn't deserve it. So yeah they're besties now.

AAA I wrote out a really long description for jay but tumblr glitched and I lost it :'O ble here's a shorter rewrite cus I'm not writing out that whole thing again >:P

Jay: brought up in a church village,, he was born with the curse, which allows him to tap into magical properties very easily, and be very easily controlled, manipulated, and possessed by them. This allowed him to be very connected with his god (the god of longevity) but also meant he was often treated as a security risk and a monster by the adults of his town since he could let in evil spirits so easily. He spent most of his time praying and he became obsessed with acting on compulsions (repeated prayer, overscrubbing, scratching himself, touching religious things until he felt like he touched them "right") because he believed they were messages from God and would prevent him from becoming evil (look he was a teenager and everyone told him he was a monster his whole life leave him be.) He gets possessed twice, mage as a rep of the town is like "either have ur cursed removed or leave town forever" (uncursing is only hypothetically possible, it's hella dangerous) and he's scared itd sever his connection to his god so he leaves and he's upset bcus his entire life plan was built around his church, so now he's livin alone on a hill and leaving like once a month, he stays up there and sews and prays mostly, he sort of works on himself and becomes vaguely mentally stable, so he prays for a second chance at life since he lost his original path and needs a sign where to go, and then boom tol shows up and the rest is history. Now he has his own little family and things are going great :) other than the still getting possessed like once a week but shhhh

Pip: in between the entrance to hell and the religious central of the continent is a little town that sides with neither. They mostly fuck around and find out, and in this town lives a monster researcher and her less formal wife, pip! Pip is just a silly goofy little guy livin life, and when the crazy bunch shows up she feels like he's finally found her people :3 and for the first time the group gains a member who's begging to join them as opposed to the other way around

Ya and together they all go on wacky lil adventures with demons and monsters and monarchs and what not.

Tldr pastel is a funny lil dead guy, pop is a time traveller and the Adult of the team, lunes a lil farmer man, pipes a hobo demon they picked up off the side of the road, tols a little criminal demon adventurer, jays a religious weirdo who tol dragged out of his hermit hut, and pips an insane little guy

[sadselfhelp]

Who I Am, And Why I Created This Blog.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Violence, Drug Overdose, Suicide, Psychotic Breaks. 

Take a walk with me, let me show you around the mind of The Sad Hatter.

There's a lot going on in my head right now, and I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. I'm standing on a cliff's edge and I'm either going to plummet or I'm going to fly. It's been building inside me for a long time, and I can't contain it anymore. So here it is, here's me laid bare, because I need to say this, I need to put it into words. I need to purge it all. To try and make sense of all of this shit in my brain, I think it's time I organize it. I don't know where to begin, but I guess I start at the beginning and make use of the ability to edit.

Before you read this, please be aware of the trigger warnings. And please understand that this is the most honest and open I have been, I really am stripped bare in this piece of writing. It’s not at all pretty, and am I not guiltless in parts. This may well alter whatever opinion you have of me. 

I guess the beginning is birth, right? But I don't want to rehash all that trauma, so let me speed through it. Twenty-Eight years ago I was born, violently. I'm serious, I ripped my way out of the womb, and tore that thing apart. I guess I can sort of understand why my mother couldn't love me after that was my first act, collapsing her womb. So let me speedrun this part of the story. Mum didn't want me, gave me to my dad who raised me as a single parent with the help of his parents, until he met my stepmother. Shockingly, she didn't want me either, but because she couldn't get rid of me she decided to physical and psychological torture was the next best thing. 

When I was eleven years old I snapped and didn't want to put up with it anymore, so I wrote a goodbye note and then snuck into the medicine cabinet and took a bunch of pills. Spoiler alert, I didn't die. I did however end up in a children's home, cue more abuse, little bit of bullying and sexual assault etc.... I snapped again, but instead of turning my anger inwards, I became an absolute bastard. Ok, I still turned it inwards a bit, I had a lot of anger, and now I have a few hundred scars to prove it. But, it turns out that violence can beget violence, and I acted out in every possible way. Racked up a horrifying rap sheet, assault, vandalism, arson, and finally... GBH. I was supposed to get put in a secure unit (child prison – Scottish Edition) but I was always able to talk myself out of trouble. 

See, I was this tiny little white girl with big sad eyes and a hell of a sob story, even at the bottom of the food chain I still had privilege. So instead of getting locked up, I just got sent to a different home. And here's the really messed up part, this home was better. The staff were nicer, and nobody hurt me. My behavior literally changed overnight. I went from being charged by the police on a weekly basis, to never getting so much as a pocket money sanction. I will never excuse my actions, nor condone them, but after years of guilt I finally realized that the bad things I did were in retaliation to a bad situation, and though I wasn’t acting like a good person, I’m not a bad person, just a messed up one. 

I still refused to go to school though, because though I didn't yet know it at the time, I had severe social anxiety. I was smart, a little too smart to be honest, and I found myself thriving with a private tutor. When the time came to sit my exams, someone fucked up, and despite having record breaking test scores on the pre-exams, I never actually got to sit my standard grades (think SAT's – Scottish Edition). I'm still bitter about that. So by this point in the story, I'm 16, and legally an adult, too old for a children's home. I got turfed to a hostel, and the next few parts of the story are pretty fuzzy to me. 

This is where my mental health really started to deteriorate. I bounced between homeless hostels and B&B's for a year or so, until I got a my first flat/apartment. By that point, I was utterly fucked in the head. I was blacking out frequently, for anywhere between a couple of minutes to three days. I would come back to myself in sometimes compromising positions, and once there was blood. A lot of blood, splashed all over the walls. Then there was the time I suddenly found myself standing in the kitchen, about to plunge a knife into my own chest.

Nobody ever did tell me what the hell that was about. Or maybe they did and I just... forgot? But because I was extremely suicidal, a doctor finally decided to do something, and the police and the paramedics came to my door to take me to the psychiatric hospital. I spent ten months there while I cycled through various anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and was 'rehabilitated into society'. The second I was out, I made the worst decision I have ever made in my life. If I can give you one piece of advice, one lesson to take from my shitshow of a life, it's this: Don't move hundreds of miles away to be with the guy you met online while you were having a psychotic break.

I've never really thought of myself as a victim, but I guess I'm the only one who saw it that way. Ben, that was his name, Ben was a monster, and I didn't know it until it was too late. He never hit me, never lifted a hand to me, he never had to. He could put a knife in my hand and make me hurt myself for his entertainment. I had told him everything, so he knew exactly how to break me down, how to make me want to bleed. He locked me in a house and used me up. And when I had enough, and tried to break free of him, he would just tell the police I was mentally ill and they would smile sympathetically and give me back to him.

But then my dad had a breakdown. My dad, who when he found out what my stepmother was doing to me, buried his head in the sand and packed my little suitcase for me. I hadn't spoken to him in a while until he reached out from the same psychiatric ward I had not long vacated. He had cracked under the realization that I had never lied about her, and the guilt broke him apart. I could have hated him, if it had happened a few years earlier then I would have. But I had experienced enough of the world to learn a few things, like how easily it is to fuck up, and that no matter how strong you are, you aren't immune to monsters. The truth was he was as much a victim of her evil as I was. She had manipulated him, played with his head, used his insecurities against him. So I helped him through his issues, the way I wished someone had helped me. That doesn't really make me a good person, it just makes me human.

But my dad got better, and found his footing. And when he did, he realized something wasn't right with me, and I told him the truth about Ben. My dad had left me to suffer at the hands of an abuser once before, and he wasn't going to allow it to happen again. He came and got me, and he took me home. He moved me in with him, gave me his bed and slept on the couch. After a couple of months, he helped me get my own place.

And that's the happy ending, right? All the trauma was over, I was safe, that's where the story should end. Right? I bet you're not naive enough to believe that, but I sure as hell was. I thought I would recover and that everything would be ok. I thought that with safety, there would come the chance to heal. I thought my wounds would scab over, and I would have my scars but at least I would be able to move without bleeding out. But that's not how trauma works. I had two decades worth of trauma, abuse, and hell.

I just... faded. I didn't crack, I didn't crumble, I didn't break, I just stopped. For five years I sat in one room of my home, drowning inside myself. Last year I got handed a lifeline, and now I live somewhere better. I'm not really allowed to live independently so I actually live in kind of retirement village of all places. I have my own house, but it's got intercoms and emergency cords everywhere, I get checked on daily by on on-site worker. And I'm trying to get better, I really am. It's just not that easy.

There's more to the whole story that I maybe should have put in, like the fact that my mother was a drug addict when she was pregnant with me, and that may have been the reason some of my organs didn't properly form and/or formed wrong. My lung split in half when I was a baby, and parts of my stomach are missing. Or that my mother is full on batshit insane. I could have had a perfect childhood and I still would have been mentally ill. Hell, I was seeing psychologists at five years old. Take my sketchy genetics, add twenty years of severe traumas, and well... I'm a little fucked up. Because a lot of medical conditions use acronyms, my full list of diagnosis looks like I'm collecting the fucking alphabet.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Agoraphobia. I also have a Pulmonary Sequestration, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, the stomach and lung issues. Immune Hemolytic Anemia, I'm basically allergic to my own blood. Plus, ya know, my liver recently decided to just fucking nope out, the pissy lil bitch is failing. I also may or may not have cancer, I don't know because I pussied out of the tests. At this point I am a walking, decaying corpse that is held together by glitter glue and bitterness.

So... why exactly am I writing this? And why am I even considering posting this? I mean, my problems aren't as bad as some other people's. We've all got shit to deal with, especially in 2020. The whole world is falling apart, so what right do I have to sit here pouting and pouring my problems out? Well, for a start, I guess this is my blog, I can post whatever, and it's up to everyone else if they read it.

So here it is, you have the backstory, so here's what it's all been leading up to.

I'm struggling. Like, really struggling. I'm stuck on this cliff, and I want off, any way I can. Whether I fall or fly, I just want free. I can't live like this anymore, because I can't breathe.

The fucking agonizing duality of being socially anxious and too easily overstimulated, and yet feeling fucking empty inside if you're not surrounded by action and noise. The world is too noisy for my brain, but my brain is too noisy for the world. I get antsy if I'm not doing at least a thousand different tasks, but I get overwhelmed if I try to do anything at all. It leads to short bursts of mania, followed by weeks of depression. But underneath all of that, under all the dramatic showboating, and the dark humor, under all the bravado... I'm really just sad.

Years ago, when I first came up with the moniker "The Sad Hatter", I said it was because I may be mad, but my madness was born of sadness. I'm just sad. I carry it with me where my heart should be. So I named myself Sad, and I put on the hat, and I wore my sadness like armor, turned it into an act, and made a spectacle of it. "I'm The Sad Hatter, and I'm mentally ill but that's alright, I'm going to be just fine!" I told you all I had my issues, and I'll come close to opening up about how bad those issues are, I'll give little chunks of information at intermittent intervals, and then two hours later I'll act like it never happened. I'll admit I was close to killing myself, and then two days later I'll post dog photo's and act like I'm all better.

I'm writing this because I'm sad. And tomorrow, I'll act like I'm not. But when I waver again, I'll come back here and I'll open up again. And along the way, maybe you're reading this and realizing you aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you're realizing you're not the only one who isn't healing neatly and in a timely manner. Maybe you're reading this and gaining some insight into the struggles someone you care about is facing. Maybe my opening up is can help somebody else, I really hope so, but I know it's helping one person. It's helping me.

This blog, it's about living with myself. It's about living with The Sad Hatter.

[theglguidetowebcomics]

Full review: Girly

What’s Pink, insane, NSFW, hilarious, and somehow heartwarming at points? This comic is a ride and a half, and I’m genuinely surprised more people haven’t heard of this one… I’ve been wanting to talk about this one for a WHILE. 

So let’s talk about the elephant in this room… Because I think it just ate someone’s couch. 

Slightly NSFW review with spoilers below.

Girly, by Jackie Lesnick was a webcomic that ran between 2003 and 2010, (and really has some of those early webcomic hallmarks). Its monochromatic pink, vertical, with a poppy early cartoon feel. It’s also listed as a romantic comedy, which is… correct, but cuts a whole lot of what makes this comic good, short. 

This review was always going to be one of the 4 I really struggled with. And not just because I lost it the first time without a back up in a code glitch, got distracted by a pandemic, then procrastinated my way to finally making a second version in my new backup folder… No, well also yes but no. This was a comic I read when I was younger (and should NOT have read  when I was younger), and have always had a soft spot for. I’ll admit as much as this comic has its flaws or weird moments or just weirdness in general, its one of the few comics I’ve found myself rereading in its entirety more than once. And no matter how much I know it's coming, find myself sobbing, uncontrollably, at the final panel. There’s surprisingly a lot of heart in this comic, and a whole lot of honesty in just the direction the author took this weird little thing. But, first let me take of those rose tinted glasses as much as I can… (actually that might not work too well with a pink comic seriously whats with all these early 2000s lesbian comics being PINK?). And give this old comic a look and a bit of a dust. but , first...

Sex.

Getting to the point - page 3 of “Girly”

Girly is a NSFW comic. It’s not shy about it either. It hits the audience (and the main character) over the head with it literally in the first pages. It has sex positive characters, a sex positive world, some characters with… sex powers almost, and Dildos, a whole lot of dildos. Some even with smiley faces on them. It’s a pretty unavoidable part of the comic that makes up a large core of it’s humour and is baked into its wacky world. So if that’s not your thing, and it’s not really skippable in this case, you won’t like this comic.

But, if you’re alright with that part of it this might just be a hidden gem. Moving on.

Art

Artwork is always interesting in webcomics. They’re usually one man shows, have a weird niche / strong influences, and or usually go on massive journeys as the art improves. Girly is no different here. 

Girly starts out rough. Some poses are wonky and its a bit scratchy. Technically speaking it has a few issues, which is fine. Its a free webcomic, from the 2000s that didn't copy and paste faces. (Won’t name names, you know who you are). You can’t be too harsh on a free comic, though.

However, what the art style does, even early on is set the style and feel of the comic. Anime inspired faces, bold outlines, and blocky silhouettes that were really popular with 90’s and 2000s cartoons. It has a newspaper, manga comedy strip vertical style, too. It fits the style of story well as a poppy wacky story. It's the perfect art style it could take.

Its rough in the beginning, but moves on from its scratchy days, to loose pen brush, to finally a polished free hand poppy style. It gets more technically advanced as it goes along, but it keeps its core style throughout. It’s fun, a little unhinged, and just pares perfectly.

The one issue I have with the art is it comes off as a bit cramped. It certainly matches the energy of the story, but it also feels like it doesn't let the characters have any breathing room in the frame. It comes off as squashed, and can make some character poses hard to read. That’s the only complaint I can find though. The issue even fixes itself later in the story, but just very very close to the end. It looks great there, but the majority of the comic is a little cramped. Still that’s just a small complaint.

Nitpicking here but some panels need a lil more room

This a humour comic foremost. It's the biggest part of what makes Girly specifically Girly.

Humour

The humour is mostly wacky nonsense, playing off its insane characters, physics defying world, everything being dialed up to 11. It also works a lot like satire, poking at what influences it, and playing with cinematic expectations. The first page has Otra shooting someone into space on a rocket because they annoyed them, the first “adventure” the character’s go on is stealing everyone’s pants because they couldn’t find anything else to do. Then there’s the kidnapping adventures, knight trials, and slice of life shenanigans that happen. All of it as wacky as the last. I haven’t really found any other lesbian comics like it. Its not everyone’s tastes, but it is certainly unique.

If you’re into a willy wonka tunnel of over the top characters and plots, you’ll like Girly.

Characters

Girl is a LONG comic, it ran for 7 years. The art evolved, the story writing, jokes, and themes along with it. It was originally meant to run for only 50 strips... and it ended up with 764. 

so, there’s a lot to unpack.

Firstly, the premise of the story is somewhat simple. It focuses on Otra. The kinda straight man to the entire universe. She starts out almost depressed, out of place, and bored of the wacky inhabitants of her world. Until one of those wacky residents smacks her over the head with a giant dildo and won’t leave her alone for the next 7 years of run time. 

What follows is the sullen Otra being pulled around by the always cheery and zany nonsensical Winter as the sidekick for bizarre adventures. Otra’s depressive grounded view keeps the bizarreness funny, while Winter cuts through her negative attitude and causes a lot of the over the top plot. Leaving Otra to warm up to the world, and Winter to get less reckless as they balance eachother out. It’s a fun dynamic, and works as an emotional core of the story. No matter how weird the plot and rules of the world are, their relationship keeps the story somewhat focused and rewarding to see develop.

An example of bold wacky character designs from even early on

The comic isn’t just about them, though. As an ensemble comic there's plenty of side characters that go through arcs and beats as well. From el chubacabre, the man that woman find so irresistible that they sleep with him as soon as they see him; detective Clapjaw the street wise detective who is very bad at his job; Officer Hipbone and police guy from the cute P D; captain fist the ever popular bad at his job superhero who gets all the credit; the news reporter obsessed with captain fist; the woman with babies; Steak;  the elephants that just… appear and eat buildings; among many many others. A lot of whom also have nicely written character arcs and depth in later chapters. Many of the character however are simple and remain simple, which isn’t a bad thing. For such a large cast, having a diverse range of strange characters with strong identities and looks even if a bit simple stops it from getting bogged down. It strikes a good balance. Plus there’s plenty enough of characters with more depth later on. 

 All the character’s are insane, and over the top in a way that really sets up the world they live in and how it works... as dysfunctional as it is. There’s something very Cartoon Network about all the characters, but with some wider influences. something about  dumb characters, with very specific goals and quirks that work on their own physics to feed into the high energy insanity of the world. Its entertaining to read, and leads to a weirdly charming feel of the comic. 

Story and plot

For the bit people actually want to know about. What is it about?

Just a little bit of influences...

For the style itself the comic comes off as a mix between early 2000s slice of life-y anime, 2000s cartoon Network, and a dose of 2000s webcomic sarcastic action/adventure flare. It definitely has one of the most pronounced styles that I’ve seen, and even if it's very much a webcomic of it’s time it also goes a bit beyond that into something that feels personal to the author and honest. Its a batshit comic. But, it wears its influences on it’s sleeve and really plays with tropes and ideas the author found engaging at the time. It somehow comes off as refreshing in just how willing it is to go weird or niche for no other reason but because it wants to. It's what I appreciate most about the comic. It’s honest.

The overarching story of the comic is without a doubt about Otra and winter growing together as people. But with a comic that’s run for 7 years a little bit more happens in the journey, at least you hope it would. Girly runs on chapters, 15 in total (with 15 having sub chapters due to being the story’s climax), and each one of those chapters follows a different plot or adventure with Otra’s and Winter’s developing relationship gluing them together. 

The plots themselves are wild and vary a bit in quality. But for a long comic that’s understandable and expected. They go from solving elephant problems, super villains, body swapping, fantasy parodies, and all sorts of strange things. Sometimes a few plots drag and a few character arcs feel a bit bland. It still manages to be entertaining all the way through though. The plots themselves work to get the character’s to play off each other and explore the strange world it takes place in. Exploring evil teddy bears, or an entire town devoted to cheap gags. No matter what, all the plots work in fleshing out the world and pushing character’s out of their comfort zone or forcing them to change. There are some that are less fun than others, but none of them manage to be boring or useless. Which for a long comic such as this, is quite an achievement.

Conclusion

Girly is a hidden gem, Its an insane sex positive comic. A loose style and even looser physics. It’s bold and unabashedly itself. But, at its core it's about the love story of Winter, the wacky insane woman needing to slow down and open up, and Otra, a sullen woman who’s deemed herself only worthy of being on the outskirts of society. It’s two people growing together in a world that’s up to its ears in care bears, sentient dildos, earth shattering cloning, and jabs at 2000’s paste it comics. And somehow it all sticks together.

The characters resonated, at least with me, which may be the nostalgia talking. But by the end of the comic I can’t help but  think back on how long it took them to get there. The bits that made me laugh (a lot of them), the stupid parts, and the character’s arcs, as over the top they could be at times.  It may not everyone’s cup of tea. But it has a lot of heart at its core. (If you get past all the dildos). 

For all it’s flaws and weird bits. I still find myself going back to Girly. 

Maybe now, some more people will too.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

sprung spring | take you home; adam page [m]

Prompt Used:

  “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.” + comfort sex + drunk sloppy sex + “Oh my god you’re so much better than the last person I was with.” + A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond. + needy/clingy sex

Notes: 

Okay, so… I have literally… Never… used my given name in a work of fiction before and… ya girl found out it’s hard to write dirty things when the OC has your name. Pure self indulgent smut because fuckkit yolo, I needed this. Some of the dialogue prompted above was changed to reflect the situation these two were placed in, fyi. This is mature content, so nobody under 18+ up in these parts. Also, I owe a serious hug to @heelsamizayn​ & @wrestlingismyguiltypleasure​ because no matter how many times I whined and bitched and got all squirmy whilst writing this, they really kept me going and I love them for that.

Warnings: 

alcohol tw ( it’s the OC this time), clingy unprotected sex, sawwwft!Adam, lots of teasing (and hopefully tension, I was  really trying to play at heightening that here) and yeahhh.. It’s tame. I promise ya’ll… I’m going to write actual harder / filthier prompts, I just… had a mighty need. Anyway, that’s all the warnings.

Pairing: 

Adam Hangman Page x OFC, Ashley

Ashley narrowed her eyes at the bottle before glancing up at Shane and shaking her head. “I-I’m good.”

“Aw, c’mon hon. It’s just a little drink.” Shane was stepping closer, right in her space all over again. He’d been plying her with drinks and trying to get her to dance or talk to him -or the most annoying request he’d made so far, “Smile, darlin. Ya look prettier when ya do.” and it was starting to rub him the wrong way, the way she kept resisting. She could almost feel it radiating off of him.

Ashley was at that state of drunk where it was more annoying than endearing and now that it seemed to be irritating him that she wouldn’t just give in, it only gave her all the more reason to resist. It wasn’t as if it wasn’t almost cringe inducingly clear what the asshole thought he was doing and she just wasn’t having it.

At all.

Not even slightly.

Rather than even partially entertain his offer for another drink or to go dance with him, Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes in sheer boredom, taking the drink and taking a sip as she scrolled through her contacts list.

As usual, she hovered over Adam’s number in her phone and that loneliness crept in all over again. More pronounced. More tinged with regret.

She found herself missing him so much that before she even realized it, she’d pulled up the text bubble from their last text conversation and she found herself grimacing at the date.

Had they really not spoken at all in nearly 3 weeks?

And then Ashley found herself going back over the last time they had spoken face to face. Before she realized the true depths of her feelings and Adam drunkenly tried to kiss her and in a blind panic, she’d backed away.

Not because she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her, but because she’d been afraid of what might happen if he did kiss her.

And now, Ashley thought bitterly, hugging herself a little as the thought came, I’m lucky to get a Hi, how are you over text out of him..

With a sigh, she finished scanning their last brief text conversation and then, when Shane cleared his throat impatiently, she remembered that apparently, this guy expected her to pay all her attention to him and she put her phone down. Biting her lip, she settled warm brown eyes on the other man.

“I asked ya if you wanted to dance, darlin. They’re kinda playin our song.” Shane chuckled, holding out his hand. When she started to shake her head no, he gave her a sort of put off glare and muttered something to himself about tonight being a complete waste. All his buddies told him not to walk over and try talking to her; they all told him she was bound tighter than molasses from the knees down and every single night she’d come in this week so far, she’d managed to shoot down anyone who thought they might possibly stand a chance of takin her home. I clearly should’ve listened, Shane found himself thinking, because now I’m out fifty bucks and she looks more annoyed with me each second that passes and that real gorgeous chick I know I coulda won over left an hour ago with Greg.

“W-we don’t have a s-song?” Ashley’s brow quirked and she shook her head, holding up her glass. “I-i’m good, actually.” Ashley muttered as she took a long sip.

Moron, do you seriously think I want to dance to this song… with you? Because no. Ashley thought to herself as she glanced around the crowded bar, face falling when she remembered that Adam wasn’t in town right now, he was on the road. When Ashley realized what Shane had just muttered about the night being a total waste, she mildly shrugged. “I-i don’t r-recall askin y-you t-to come up n’ t-try pourin the booze to me, either. Play s-stupid games, w-win stupid p-prizes.”

As Shane grumbled “Fine, suit yourself, darlin. Don’t come lookin for me when it’s late and you can’t find a ride home.” and made his way onto his next target, Ashley let out a long and deep breath, blowing at dark bangs as they flopped right into her eyes, laughing off Shane’s words.

She went back to her phone, scrolling through her contacts.

“Maybe Shayna’s up.” Ashley mused to herself as she pulled up what she thought was a text conversation she’d been having with her friend earlier in the day while they were both stuck in their office working through lunch.

What she didn’t realize -and wouldn’t just yet, was that she hadn’t texted Shayna at all.

She’d texted Adam… The subject of the earlier conversation.

→ First of all, pretty sure I just completely eviscerated this one guy’s poor ego. *eye roll*. Guess whose NOT having the sex right now bc she gets mouthy when she drinks?

→ This bitch, that’s whomst. In my defense, he was the one who kept pouring the drinks to me. I just took ‘em. You know me, guy stood about as much a chance as… Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I chased him off. Like usual when we’re out at this bar.

→ But seriously though.. Maybe it’s the alcohol and the fact that I’m lonely and I’m salty because I’m not getting cuddles rn like youuuuu but…

→ Okay, u were right earlier.

→ It’s late and I’m drunk, otherwise I’d never say that. Maybe a little lonely too. Enjoy your shallow victory and the sex you’re probably getting rn, lmao. ILY Shayna!

→ I know ur probably busy with Samuel - sexy times and all that but… You win. You’re right.

→ I love him and god… I miss him so much it’s making me an even bigger bitch lately, so.. Sorry for that I guess. I wish I’d just… Kissed him back. Climbed him like an actual tree, giant he is… Shoved him against the wall, tangled my fingers in that hair and tugged his mouth against mine. Maybe even rubbed myself against him a lil bit too, just to see if that yummy cologne he wears all the time rubs off. At least then I’d… Well, I sure as shit wouldn’t be sitting here, shooting down pushy douchebag assholes and drinking alone.

→ Anyway, have your moment. I love Adam Page. I always have and it scares the living hell out of me. You were right. Now there’s only one problem… How do I make the big idiot answer my calls?!?

→ don’t answer that rn. Tomorrow… When drunk Ashley isn’t out and doing dumb shit and can think clearly.

→ Okay, no… answer meeee… I just… I need to know what to do here? Pls. I beg of you. If you don’t answer me, I swear to God, I’m gonna wind up drunk dialing.. >.>

–

The cell phone was going batshit crazy on the bathroom counter and Adam mostly ignored it in favor of soaking under a long hot shower. It had been a long drive; made longer by the fact that he was all beaten and banged up from the past few shows but trying to soldier through as usual. Parts of him admittedly ignored the phone because he thought it was most likely one of three people and none of them he wanted to talk to right now.

No, Adam thought to himself, the one I wanna talk to more than anything I can’t talk to now… He sighed as he thought about the way he got too drunk; out of control. He’d tried to kiss her that night and just the sheer look of panic in big brown eyes right before she bolted the hell away in a hurry had been more than enough to make him realize where he stood.

He couldn’t face her after that either, so he’d been keeping a low profile. Trying to distance from… his actions.

Just thinking about it had him both cringing and feeling that raw surge of pain he felt that night all over again, fresh as ever.

She hadn’t texted him or tried calling either, so that only further confirmed his suspicions. And now, Adam thought to himself as the phone buzzed one last time and he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist after drying off his face, you lost your best friend. The one you could talk to about anything. You messed that up. Being a jerk that night and coming on way too strong.

He picked up his cell phone only halfway glancing at it at first. But when he actually read all the messages, he wound up dropping the phone on the bathroom tiles with a quiet thud. Then he stood there, trying to get his head around everything he’d just read, all the texts from Ashley to what she apparently thought was her best friend Shayna.

About him.

He took several deep breaths and then got himself at least partially together before even attempting to answer the barrage of texts.

← Where are you?

← Are you drunk right now?

At re-reading that her shooting down men when she went out with Shayna was apparently a common thing, Adam let out a few shakier breaths and bit his lip, raising a hand to his head and dragging thick digits through damp hair as he let it sink in.

Blue eyes scanned the next message after hitting send.

← Nevermind, screw it.

← I’ll be there in 10.

← And me and  you? We’re gonna have ourselves a serious talk.

After throwing back on the jeans and tee shirt he’d had on before showering, he grabbed his keys and headed out. He knew the bar she always went to because they’d hung out there on more than one occasion.

“Bastard who was pourin the drinks to her better hope he’s long gone when I get there.” Adam muttered as protective urges reared their head and he found himself more than a little worried. Ashley wasn’t a drinker by any stretch of the imagination. And given the rambling in the texts she thought she’d sent to Shayna just now, it was.. A safe guess that she was at least two thirds of the way to being too drunk to function.

And it had him more than a little concerned because he knew how the guys at this particular bar got when they saw a pretty girl sitting there, drinking alone. His grip tightened on the wheel as he sped towards the bar in question.

When he was in the parking lot, he tried to call her cell phone but it went straight to voicemail. Without wasting any time, Adam killed the engine to his truck and got out, hurrying into the bar, blue eyes darting around all over as he tried to pick her out in the crowd.

Maybe she hadn’t left yet. God, he could only hope.

–

“I-i’m gonna stop you right there. Just because I-i’m a lil tipsy right now..” Ashley stared up at the man who’d taken the seat next to her at the bar after Shane vacated in a hurry earlier. “Don’t mean I want any part of y-you.”

“Aw, c’mon darlin. Pretty little thing like you shouldn’t be sittin here, drinkin all alone. C’mon.”

“I’d a-actually prefer it, if you w-want the honest G-god’s truth.” Ashley waved over the bartender, signalling for more bourbon in her glass. She fixed her eyes on the man and raised the glass to her lips. “Thanks f-for the drink though.”

Before the guy even got a chance to respond, a throat cleared loud; almost protectively, from behind the two. Ashley didn’t even have to turn around to know exactly who was standing behind her, but what she was having trouble grasping in her tipsy state, was what exactly Adam was doing here now.

“Just do yourself a favor and leave, buddy.” Adam stared down the man intently, arms folded over his chest, moving to step closer to Ashley’s stool, lightly pressing against her from behind.

“Adam? W-what the hell?” Ashley drawled, turning on her stool almost immediately, brown eyes locking on him with a questioning gaze. “I… y-you w-weren’t home.” she could feel herself starting to sober up just a little at his sudden appearance. She frowned a little, shook her head sadly.

Adam moved to step between her legs and he leaned in and down, brushing his lips against her own as he muttered quietly and firmly, “Kiss me.” catching her chin with his finger curled beneath it just when she went to look down. “My eyes and mouth are right here, darlin.” Adam coaxed, gazing at her mouth intently.

“K-kiss me, he s-says.” Ashley drawled, biting her lip, staring right back at his mouth just as intently as he stared at hers.

Her hand raised, resting across the back of his neck, fingers tangling in and tugging his hair free from the bun he’d thrown it into, threading through it once she had. Her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer and her other hand curled in the front of his tee shirt, tugging his mouth down to her level a little better. Once she’d done that, her lips trailed lazily over his mouth, tracing the shape of his lips, making him give a quiet groan and his eyes flutter open and closed. By the time her tongue was slipping past his teeth, his tongue was fighting against it for complete control of the kiss and he’d leaned into her so much that her back was right up against the edge of the bar. His teeth scraped at her lower lip as the kiss deepened, both of them panting for their next breath and dizzy from it.

His hands slid beneath her ass and he scooped her up, not bothering to break the kiss just yet or untangle her from his body. Her legs squeezed his waist harder and she rubbed against him more than a little. Once they were out in the parking lot again, Adam stopped, sitting her on the railing around an outdoor sitting area, pulling her into another deep and almost bruising kiss.

“I-I was just… about to l-leave. Walk.”

Adam chuckled and shook his head no, nodding to his truck. “I’d feel much better if you’d let me take you home, darlin.”

Ashley eyed him, hints of a pout on her lips. “Y-you s-stopped e-even t-talkin to m-me.” she sighed and shook her head sadly, muttering under her breath, “I-it is m-my fault.” and Adam tilted her chin to make her meet his gaze when she looked down, shaking his head. “It’s not, darlin. Not at all.”

“I-I fucking r-ran. S-seriously?” Ashley whined, her legs squeezing at his waist as she wrapped them around him all over again, staring at his chest for a few seconds, blowing out an exasperated breath, because the more she thought about her choice to run the night he finally kissed her, the more it did truly exasperate her. Of all the times to panic… It had to be then. The worst possible one.

Adam chuckled and leaned down, muttering softly against her mouth, “If it makes you feel any better, darlin.. You made up for it. And it drove me crazy, not talkin to ya.”

“G-good.” Ashley giggled and poked out her tongue as she looked at him. “B-because it m-made m-me really cranky. H-holy s-shit, so cranky.” she giggled again, making Adam laugh and scoop her up into his arms, making his way towards the truck. “I know.”

“H-how?” Ashley’s brow raised as she stared up at him, resting her head against his shoulder. “I-I literally o-only told Shayna…”

“You texted the wrong person, actually.” Adam teased as he unlocked his truck, sitting her into the passenger seat. Ashley’s mouth opened and closed and she palmed her face, groaning in sheer embarrassment while laughing softly.

Adam got into the truck, starting the engine and Ashley was raising the console, curling into his side as soon as she’d moved to the middle to sit, tucking her legs on the seat beside her. Adam chuckled, slipping his arm around her shoulders. “You’re awfully cuddly tonight, know that?”

“Mhm.” Ashley purred, her lips brushing against his neck, making him grip the wheel just a little tighter. By now, the embarrassment over what she’d done was melting away and her internal filter -the little she actually possessed to begin with, was at an all time low thanks to having drinks poured into her all night by random and far lesser appealing men. “Is that a b-bad thing?”

Adam bit back a groan and barely resisted bucking his hips as he felt her lips clumsily moving along the side of his neck as she nuzzled into him and chuckling quietly, he gave an answer. “Not at all, darlin. Except for the fact that you’re getting me all sorts of stirred up right now.” he muttered, the truck coasting to a stop beneath the red light a block away from his place. When he did, he turned to look at her, wasting no time in pulling her mouth up to his as his hand went from squeezing her thigh to slipping between them, rubbing her through her jeans as he swore quietly because he could feel how warm she was and it only made him think about how wet she might actually be.

“Maybe t-that’s what I’m trying to do.” came pouring out before she could stop herself from saying it. Not that she would have either way, but she was at least trying to show a little restraint, still partially shocked that he was there and that she’d somehow managed to confess everything to him under the guise of texting Shayna.

Maybe it was a good thing that happened, Ashley thought to herself as she slipped her hand down, trailing it along the inside of his thigh, then up… Sucking in a sharp breath when her hand settled palm down against the bulge already straining and growing, pushing against his jeans. Adam’s hips snapped and he locked eyes with her, biting his lip, the hand between her thighs starting to move a little harder and a lot faster. Ashley rocked her hips against his hand and sucked in a sharp breath as Adam leaned in, teeth tugging at her earlobe and catching as he muttered against it in a whisper, “If that’s so, darlin.. You’re in for it. Just wait.”

“What if I don’t w-wanna wait, hm?” Ashley muttered as her lips brushed against his neck again and Adam’s breath caught in his throat before making the remark aloud, “Got a lot to make up for, me and you.”

“Mhm.” Ashley could feel herself getting wetter and wetter with every single word he said. She knew he had to feel her thighs clenching tighter with each word he said because his hand was currently buried between them, palm down against her dripping and throbbing heat, rubbing through her jeans and by now she’d trapped his hand where it was. A shiver passed through her body as she continued to rock her hips against his hand, a quiet whimper of frustration coming when all that lead to was him, slowing down way too much for her liking at the moment. She pouted up at him and bit her lip as he leaned in, closer and closer, pulling her face towards his.

“Could take all night.” Adam was turning his head slightly, tugging her neck closer as he ghosted his lips along it, the pressure of his hand reaching an almost feverish frenzy as he growled against soft skin, “Maybe even tomorrow.”

“Oh?” Ashley’s eyes fluttered open and shut and she bit her lip, her hips rocking faster to meet his hand and the way it cupped and rubbed at her heat. Just enough to make a little friction, not by any means enough to give the amount of friction she actually craved.

He was teasing her.

Just the thought had her pouting in sheer frustration as she locked eyes with him. “Tease.”

“Ain’t exactly teasing if I know exactly what I’m gonna do to you when I get you home.” Adam pointed out, giving her a smirk. Ashley swallowed hard, breath catching in her throat at his words. Her mouth opened and closed and it had Adam chuckling quietly because this was one of very few times he’d truly seen her with a complete lack of something clever to say in response.

“Cat got your tongue, darlin?” he practically purred the words as his hand started to massage all over again and almost instantly, she started to rock against it more urgently.

“Adam… Fuck.” she gasped quietly, eyes fluttering open and closed as she started to palm at the way he was strained against his jeans.

The light went green and the careful and almost teasing movement of her hand in his lap felt so good that for about half a second, Adam didn’t realize it had.

“Light’s green, Adam.” Ashley’s voice was teasing, she gave a soft giggle as Adam took a few shaky breaths, nodding as he hurried from beneath the green light, turning down the next street. His house was in view, only a few seconds away and yet… It felt like a million miles away.

Almost the second he was parked at the curb in front of it, he was reaching out, pulling her over the console and into his lap, his hands and mouth all over her, mouth latching onto her neck and leaving a string of hickies down the side as he bucked himself into her from below and his hands disappeared up her shirt, slipping beneath her bra before finally getting frustrated at how in the way it was and unfastening it, gripping her breasts in his hands, palming and squeezing at them as he growled against her mouth when his mouth finally rose to meet and conquer her lips again.

He leaned into her so heavily that her back met the steering wheel and the horn in the center, making them both laugh only to have the sounds of their laughter swallowed by a deep and frenzied, needy kiss. The kiss broke and Ashley backed away slightly, biting her lip, wiggling around in his lap, bucking herself right against the prominent bulge strained and about to burst through his jeans. “I think that’s our sign to go inside, Adam.” she muttered the words as she felt her face burning hot and she bit her lip, squirming around in his lap just a little more, harder, desperate to keep the friction going. Adam nodded, killing the engine and getting out of the truck, carrying her up the steps, stopping to unlock his front door, with her body pinned between his body and the door as he did so. Twice he had to grip harder just because she started to trail her lips down his neck and chuckling quietly into the kiss he stole, he gave a triumphant and joking ‘Yee haw’ when he got the door unlocked at last. Ashley gave a soft whimper as he stepped through the door, shutting it behind him and locking it. He sat her down on a sturdy console table that ran the length of the back of his sofa and stepped away to pull off his boots and Ashley took a few deep breaths, tried to pull herself together.

This was really happening.

Finally.

Adam met her gaze as he straightened to stand again and he stepped between her legs, devouring her mouth hungrily, his hands cupping her cheeks and caressing. “You’re sure, right? Because once we cross the line, darlin…”

Ashley gripped his jaw, guiding her mouth back down against his greedily as she whispered needily into the kiss, “Fuck me, Adam. I don’t wanna remember anyone else but you.”

Adam’s teeth clenched her lower lip; tugging. She was clinging to him and it was driving him crazy because there was… Still too much clothing in between them, keeping them apart. He scooped her up off the console table he’d sat her on to take off his boots and started to carry her down the hall, stopping halfway to put her back against the wall, tearing her shirt up over her head, tossing it onto the floor. Ashley tugged impatiently at his tee shirt, finally getting it up and over his head, tossing it onto the floor a few feet away from where her own shirt lie. Adam did away with the pesky bra next, letting it hit the floor softly, an almost primal growl bursting from his lips as he dipped his head low, dancing his mouth over the tops of her breasts, leaving behind beard burn and littering soft skin with bites with each time his mouth connected with her bare skin.

Ashley writhed around in his grasp, rocking herself into him, gripping his hips tighter with her legs, whimpering aloud, her head falling back and softly hitting the wall as her eyes fluttered open and shut. Her hand gripped his shoulder, fingertips digging into and dancing over his skin, sending a shiver through his body and making him groan as he glanced up at her, biting his lip. Ashley stared right back, both of them struggling to catch their breath but too caught up in the moment to bother putting a halt to the deep and biting and almost bruising kisses. She took his face in her hands, pulling his mouth deep against her own, her tongue trailing over the outline of his lips before parting them, her body rubbing against him even more frantically. Her hand raised to tangle in his hair and in the process, a photo clattered to the hallway floor noisily.

“Let’s take you to bed, hmm?” Adam’s breath against her skin as he mumbled the words into her neck quietly had Ashley whimpering and rocking against him even more frantically. Adam growled quietly as he bucked himself right back against her, starting the walk down the hall to his bedroom all over again. He kicked it open, a quiet creak of the frame echoing through the stillness as he stepped inside and shut it behind him, tossing her against the mattress as he stared down at her hungrily. Ashley went to raise up, reaching for the waistband of his jeans but Adam pushed her back against the mattress all over again, making her pout and give a frustrated whimper as he chuckled softly and leaned down, hands going down her bare skin, sending goosebumps to it’s surface as he lowered his mouth down, ghosting it slowly over her abdomen before raising to whisper next to her ear, “Uh uh darlin. Let me take care of you.” in a husky and firmer tone.

He started to lazily trail his mouth over bare skin all over again, the blunt of his teeth tugging at her nipples as his tongue circled them and he caught her eye, winking at her, his hands drifting down between them, unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans, lingering to rub and squeeze her cunt before hooking in her waistband to tug her jeans and panties down all at once. Ashley tried to rock her hips upward, desperate to feel any kind of friction, frustrated beyond belief by all Adam’s teasing, but almost the instant she dared it, Adam was on his knees, kneeling in front of her, parting her legs with his hands and ghosting his mouth up the inside of her thigh slowly, occasionally placing a soft bite against her skin.

When her fingers tangled in his hair, he grunted against her skin, grazing his teeth against it, his tongue slowly making a lazy broad swipe upward. Ashley whimpered when she tried yet again to rock her hips against the way Adam had her pinned, just hoping to at least make an attempt to steer him where she needed him most, but he chuckled quietly, the shake of his head that he gave making soft hair brush against her skin and sending a shiver through her body. “I’m holdin you still for a reason, darlin. Now c’mon, be a good girl. Be still and let me take care of you.”

“Adam, please.” Ashley begged, trying again to rock her hips upward, only to pout when she realized just how determined Adam was to hold her in place and tease her relentlessly.

“Be patient, darlin. We got all night.” Adam’s tongue was trailing lazily over her folds as he said it, the taste of her on his tongue making him half growl his words as they left his mouth. He smirked a little to himself when he felt her not only try to rock her hips upward to meet his mouth but her hand curling in the comforter on top of his bed and in his hair, tugging as she whimpered and whined, her cries of frustrated pleasure echoing off the walls of his bedroom and shattering the silence around them.

Her breath caught in her throat as she felt his tongue make a long stripe over one side of her cunt. And then, straight across the middle, finally, another long stripe across the opposite side to which he lazily chuckled “A.” as he met her gaze with a teasing smirk. Ashley rose up slightly, staring down at him, biting her lip as a series of needy whimpers and loud whines left her mouth and her toes dug into the comforter. One long and broad stripe and then another curved stripe had her shivering and arching her back, fingers tangling in his hair as she tugged gently, “Fuck.”

“D.” Adam was at it again with the smirk, lowering his head almost a split second later to get back to what he was doing. His tongue trailed a familiar pattern over her folds and he muttered quietly against her cunt, “A”. and Ashley shivered even more because it hit her what he was doing, spelling out his name. “Adam, please… Need you, baby, please.” she begged almost frantically, desperate to ease some of the ache rapidly building because of all his teasing. Despite the urgent begging, Adam’s tongue rolled lazily, the one slanted stripe required to form one side of the M and then the two stripes required to form the middle of the M and finally, the last stripe. “M.” he groaned as his nose bumped right against her pelvic mound and he buried his tongue as deep in her pussy as he could, tilting her hips upward, pulling her closer to his mouth as he savored the taste of her as it started to fill his mouth. He could feel her body starting to tense up and another smirk came, pressing against her soaked warmth as he started to slow way down on the movements of his tongue. When he felt her fingers tugging at his hair again and noticed that she was digging her toes into the bed too, the smirk on his face grew.

Yeah, he was teasing. Taking his time with her, making this last. He’d waited so long already, now that it was happening, he was just… Really savoring the moment.

“Adam, please!” Ashley choked out, back arching away from the mattress slightly, eyes fluttering open and shut as she tried to keep frustrated tears at bay. When she felt him leaving a string of bite marks on the inside of her thighs, she whimpered and tried to rock her hips against his grip at them to no avail.

“Not yet, darlin. Just a little longer, I swear.” Adam breathed against her cunt as his tongue rolled lazily over the folds before slowly slipping in all over again, starting over with his little teasing torture. Ashley’s grip tightened in his hair and he paused, glancing up at her with lust blown eyes. “Pull as hard as you want while my head is buried between your thighs, darlin. C’mon. I like it.” his tone was firm, almost demanding.

And it only served to make her even wetter, she could feel the wetness coating her thighs, dripping. Adam growled quietly, tongue moving a little faster, flicking over her clit, lingering and trailing a lazy circle, grazing his teeth against the circular bundle of nerves as he chuckled against her, “What’s wrong, darlin?”

“You know what you’re…” Ashley writhed beneath the grip Adam had on her lower body, keeping her legs spread wide for him as his tongue slowly dove into and out of her soaked heat, “doing. Tease.”

“Oh, I’m not teasin at all, darlin.” Adam chucked again quietly, “Just said you better not dare cum yet.”

“Adam, it’s all I want to do! Fucking… ahh, hurts. I’m aching, baby, c’mon… Please?”

Adam continued to lick, adding two fingers and Ashley hissed sharp, her breath catching in her throat, her entire body tensing as she tried to do as she was told and resist the urge to cum. The more teasing she endured at his fingers and mouth, the harder that became.

He could feel her body tense up so tight, the way she was propped on her elbows to watch him had her arms shaking. He definitely felt her toes digging into the comforter by now too. Giving a soft nip to the inside of her right thigh as he stopped for a second or two, he muttered quietly, “Okay darlin. Now.” before raising her hips just a little, burying his tongue back deep inside her, rocking her hips against his face faster, his tongue swirling inside her cunt in a frenzy as he felt her shaking all over, heard her gasping for her next breath as she moaned out loud over and over, her cries of pleasure and his name filling the air and driving him over the edge, making him lick and suck harder, faster. He loosened his grip on her hips and she rocked them against his face almost shamelessly, he muttered quietly against her skin, “C’mon, darlin. Don’t stop.” breathing heavily.

Ashley’s hips started to slow and Adam lowered her legs, crawling up her body after dragging the back of his hand across his mouth, his eyes locked on her intently as he leaned down, pulling her into a deep kiss, breaking the kiss quickly to raise up, his hand lowering and wrapping around his thick length just to trace the tip right over and slightly between her folds, shivering himself in anticipation, growling quietly. His hips pinned her hips against the bed and she dug her nails into broad shoulders as he sank into her slowly, carefully, stopping to kiss her cheeks and mutter against her mouth, “You okay, darlin?”

“Yeah.” Ashley answered, trying to rock her hips against him once she was adjusted to the way he stretched her out and filled her up. Her nails trailed lightly across his shoulders, digging in slightly when he sank into her even deeper, his hips smacking against her hips softly and slowly, placing kisses all over her mouth and face, trailing them down her throat as he muttered lazily, “So sweet I could eat you up.” as he met her gaze and slowly licked his lips. Ashley wrapped her legs around his hips and the new angle had him groaning, his hips sporadically crashing against her own for a few seconds as she took his cock as deep inside her as he could go, buried to the hilt. Her hands moved over his face, raising, dragging through his hair after pulling his mouth against her own for a deep and slow and greedy kiss. The kiss broke and he gave a lazy peck at the corner of her mouth, driving deeper and slower into her as he did and muttering softly, “Gonna get way too used to this, I think.”

“I already am.” Ashley breathed out against his skin, making him shiver. He’d always had a weakness when it came to gentle touches against his neck. The fact that she seemed to be enjoying brushing her mouth against the spot, or gently nipping at it with her teeth only had him giving a quiet growl and slamming himself into her slower and with much longer strokes. When she tried to speed him up, he chuckled and his hands lowered, gripping her hips, holding them so that he controlled the pace as he muttered against the shell of her ear, “What’s your hurry, darlin? We’ve got all night.”

Bleak sunshine was starting to peek through the curtains by now and Ashley giggled softly against his neck as she clung to him and he continued to attempt slowly and deeply fucking her into the mattresses on his bed, “It’s morning, actually.” as her forehead softly bumped against his collarbone and he chuckled as soon as the realization hit him too. “Well then, smarty pants, we have the rest of the day. Either way,” Adam’s mouth trailed lazily over her skin, leaving an erratic trail of marks in it’s wake, “we’ve got nothin but time.”

“You make a good point.” Ashley’s breath caught in her throat as his cock bottomed out, brushing against a spot that felt almost magical with each time he did so. She clung to his body, her moans and whimpers only drowned out by his answering groans and the occasional growl.

“I’m so.. Fuck, I’m so close. Please?” her begging had him giving a soft and quiet laugh, capturing her mouth in a deep and breathtaking kiss as he muttered into it, “Me too, darlin.. C’mon, let go for me.”

He sped up his thrusts, almost frantically chasing his oncoming orgasm as she dug her legs into his sides and her nails into his shoulders, raking them down his back as he growled against her skin, feeling her clench tight around him, feeling her body start to spasm, feeling her biting at his skin gently as he fucked her through her orgasm and straight into his own. He tried to stop but every time he tried, she’d grab hold of his hips and rock against him, begging for more until finally, he was throbbing, emptying inside deep, filling her up as he pressed into her heavily, covering her face in kisses before lazily kissing her mouth and having her deepen it as she breathed against his lips, “ That was amazing.”

“Better than the last guy, right?” Adam was only half teasing, but her answer really went a long way to fully reassure him when as he sank back against the mattress, pulling her on top of him and wrapping his arms around her while staring up, she smiled and gave a soft giggle, nodding as she leaned down and mumbled into his mouth, “You were so much better than the last guy. Ten million times better, baby.” before deepening the kiss he gave…

[miss-mishka]

The Old Guard (Image, 2017) vs Youth (comiXology, 2020): A Completely Biased Comparison

I don’t really know what this is, kind of a crack review, because I had more to say about these two recent reads than I could fit in my Goodreads reviews. So it will be a long read if you opt to proceed. Be warned: ADULT LANGUAGE BEYOND THE CUT, I make no promises that my words will be coherent throughout & sarcasm will abound as I discuss two mini/limited issue comic series’ that I’ve recently bought into.

They are: 

1)The Old Guard, 2017 Image Comics 5 issue miniseries release, written by Greg Rucka, illustrated by Leandro Fernandez

Main cast, above, left to right: Sebastien le Livre aka Booker; Nile Freeman (no alias, currently); Andromache the Scythian aka Andy; Nicolo di Genova aka Nicky; Yusuf al-Kaysani aka Joe. Noriko is also a related, but not pictured, character.

2) Youth, 2020 comiXology Original 4 issue miniseries, written by Curt Pires, art by Alex Diotto

Main cast, above, from left to right: River, Jan, Kurt, Frank. Trixy is also a main character, but not featured on this group cover. (That wasn’t deliberate on my part.  Since it’s a new series, I wanted a cover shot to help you if you want to shop for the series & this was the only one with most of the group clearly visible.)

So now let’s get to some plot.

The Old Guard is a group of warriors that are much harder to keep dead that your average person.  Their ages range from Andy, estimated over 6,000 years old, to Nile, 27 per issue #4. The hows & whys of their ability to recover from injuries up to & including death, are completely unknown, but the ability can end with the same lack of understanding as it began. Andy has found 6 others like her in her time on Earth. 1 has died.

Youth is the teenaged couple Frank & River running away from their home town, meeting up with the older teenaged, possibly early 20s,trio that comprises rest of their group. While fleeing cops, drunk & high after a party, the group’s van is struck by what appears to be a meteor. It does, but doesn’t kill them. They each get a special power from it & all can suddenly fly.

Their enemy/obstacle/villain:

For The Old Guard, it’s big pharma bro Steve Merrick; his security chief, former CIA agent & the one who led Merrick to Andy’s team, James Copley; and the ‘mad’ scientist Dr. Ivan.

For Youth, this is it.  Bootleg Nick Fury and the government resources at his disposal.  (Take note, this is the one clear win that Youth has over ToG.  I love & want more Don.)

Relationships:

Joe & Nicky

Andy & Noriko

Frank & River

Frank & Trixy (just hooking up to help ruin the actual relationship above)

While both comics have their group dynamics, they also have a clear gay couple at the center of their storylines.  For The Old Guard, it’s Joe & Nicky.  For Youth, it’s Frank & River.  But Frank seems to be questioning, as he’s drawn to his new female acquaintance, Trixy. Kurt & Jan also seem attracted to Trixy, but the relationships between those three are not explored in these issues.  River is most definitely immune to Trixy. So, Frank & River fall into the dysfunctional relationship category while Joe & Nicky, together over 900 years, are #RelationshipGoals.

So what’s the 411?:

For The Old Guard, Andy, Booker, Joe & Nicky sign on for a job from Copley to rescue some kidnapped schoolkids. Izza traaaaaaaaaaap! While the team decides to go on the offensive & track Copley down after he’s learnt their secret, Nile is killed in action only to find that she’s one of the ones that don’t stay dead easily. Andy goes to retrieve the new ‘recruit,’ the first since Booker in 1812, while the guys go to a safehouse to search for Copley.  When Andy & Nile finally arrive at that location, they find Booker recovering from severe injuries while Joe & Nicky have been taken. It becomes a rescue mission for their captured brothers in addition to the seek & destroy goals for Copley.  Along the way, Booker & Nile bond.  Andy’s a tougher nut to crack. While Booker tries to locate their targets, Joe & Nicky are being tortured by the mad Doctor “for science” in hopes of discovering a profitable immortality drug for Merrick’s biz. Booker conveniently finds the whole Merrick operation taking place in Dubai, so off they go for their rescue mission & revenge.  But...well, IZ ZA TRAP! Booker’s done with this undying thing & has sold the team out to see if Dr. Ivan can cure him of life while using the others to defeat death.  Andy & Nile, though, aren’t helpless lil ladies.  Neither are Joe & Nicky.  With rescue under way, Joe & Nicky convince the doctor to let them go, then kill him, then find the others, meet Nile for the first time, kill Merrick as one happy new family, take off for Malta(yeah, in the comics, they’re THERE again), vote Booker off their island for 100 years & then leave him alone to be found by one very salty Noriko - she’s well-brined after 500 years in the ocean & batshit insane, to boot. That’s the first of three arcs planned for this group.  About 160 pages over the 5 issues & not a panel wasted, in my opinion.

For Youth, River’s got a lousy step-dad, Frank has a lousy job; together they hate their town & lives, but maybe kind of love each other.  So River says let’s steal my stepdad’s cherished old Mustang & run off for California.  The car gets a flat, but there’s no spare to replace it & they ran away with no money because they’re teenagers.  While broken down in a Walmart parking lot, the car draws the attention of Kurt, who grew up learning some mechanical stuff, appreciating the classics & is willing to offer help. Upon hearing that it’s a flat tire & the couple has no means to replace it, the decision is made to torch the car (it’s a Mustang, HOW DARE YOU?!) & get into the van with Kurt & his two female travelling companions. The five barely exchange names before they’re off to a party where alcohol & drugs mix to make Frank & Trixy horny for one another. River sees them making out & starts to leave when the cops show up to raid the party with all it’s underage & illegal happenings.  River, such a sweetheart, is ready to leave Frank & Trixy to be arrested, but Kurt makes sure they all get away together in the van.  A high (emphasis on high cause Kurt did some cocaine at the party) speed chase ensues with just a little awkwardness among the group as they realize that Frank & River were together & Trixy only kind of cares that she was pulled into their mess. Before there can be arguments, hairpulling slapfights or other drama over the man, the speeding vehicle is demolished by a meteor slamming to Earth.  Except it may have been aliens? In issue #2 we see this:

After this faceoff, these celestial beings go at it, destroy what appears to be their home planet & create the space debris that hits the van & gives the youths powers.  It totally killed Jan for a little bit, but that’s ok because Jan has the best powers.  She came back from death & can track other powered people without Prof X’s massive Cerebro setup, which is handy when you’ve got Bootleg Nick Fury tracking you down because of the ‘anomaly’ that hit you. Trixy?  She’s got a temper.  When Don Thunder descends upon them with a small army of soldiers, Trixy turns them into twisted piles of gore and metal.  I’m not sure what she did, but it was messy.  I imagine in a movie the squish, crack, snap, pop, burst & splat sound effects would reign in that moment.  With that dealt with, the group makes plans for what they should do next.  Which is apparently, rob an armored truck (can anyone guess whose idea it was?) because they have no money for food or lodging.  The heist does not go to plan because the guard driving the armored truck is distracted so he doesn’t see River standing in the road trying to stop the vehicle until the newly powered kid STOPS the vehicle.  I’m pretty sure the guards, especially the driver whom they made sure we knew had a pregnant wife, are dead.  Frank’s upset about this, blames River, who honestly could have flown off as soon as he realized that the truck wasn’t stopping as planned & the now very strong River smacks Frank into a wall.  This pairing is not destined for 900 years together, I imagine Yusuf would continuously chop off his hand rather than strike Nicolo in a non-fun & consensual way.  But the Youth gang still grabs some money bags and flies off.  While multiple people capture it on their cell phones.  Modern technology is an enemy to both the Youth & Old Guard. The kids take their money & go party.  Alcohol & drugs again.  Frank & Trixy making out again.  This time when River sees his man with the girl, he declares the relationship over & storms out of the club.  Killing a few people & knocking a sizable hole in the building to fly off while Frank freaks out & Trixy realizes this guy might be too much drama for her edgy self. We’re at the end of issue #3 which closes with this gem:

The more you know, right? Issue #4 has Don recovering from his injuries after Trixy’s finishing move failed to eliminate him (Dictionary: fore*shad*ow, verb: be a warning or indication of (a future event)).  He sees video of the armored truck robbery on the news (O! these pesky kids with their cell phone cameras & viral videos) & he’s back on the hunt for the gang.  River’s gone back home to the place he always went to to be alone when his stepdad was too much to deal with at home.  Frank finds him there, because he had been shown that spot.  It was their spot. It’s a sweet reunion where Frank still loves River despite the carnage so long as River still loves Frank with the cheating.  A win-win lost-lost. And our Bootleg Nick Fury has his remaining eye on the lovebirds & is ready to attack!  Jan, Kurt & Trixy see breaking news of the fight Frank & River put up against the government goons & Trixy is outvoted by the other two that they’ll go help their acquaintances of like 48 hours.  The time they take deciding & getting there, though, puts them unfashionably late.  Frank is seriously injured causing River to go Dark Phoenix so that the others can get Frank to safety.  It fades to black, skips forward 3 months & implies that Frank’s going it alone in California where he was meant to be with River, but River is gone. (So obviously not dead, but captured by Thunder who clearly has his own powers because River’s Phoenix fire definitely didn’t kill this Superspy.)  But Trixy’s all consoling and explains how Jan is locating other kids with powers - posthumans, they’re called -  all around the world & they’ve decided to start searching for them to create a bigger group.  Frank says it’s like the X-Men, but Jan isn’t quite Xavier level leader, so I say more New Mutants. Frank declines to be part of it. Trixy leaves him on a nice, sunny beach & goes to find Jan who portals them here, the most obviously “Not X like” structure in the world for their not a Bootleg X-Men/New Mutants series to take place in in the future: 

(JFC, the colors alone are classic Wolverine! Originality. Did you maybe want to try that with this series?)

For the end of “Season 1″ of Youth, which implies there will be more.  The single issues of the 4 part mini account for 125 pages & I consider several of those pages wasted. 

Final Verdict:

With powerhouse publishers like DC & Marvel having decades worth of this content, Youth was entering a very crowded arena.  The only thing it focused on as a lure to draw attention from the big leagues was the relationship between Frank & River, but representation has come a long way & Youth needed more. More story development, more group dynamics, more SOMETHING. Because I read the series in a world where I now know that The Old Guard exists & what Greg Rucka did with that series in simple & overt representation is a master class that Curt Pires needs to attend before any 2nd season talk for Youth. The world, my world, is ready for immortal gays. We’ve seen it, we need more.  If River’s still alive, as I suspect, then there’s potential, but it shouldn’t magically erase all the issues that Frank & River had as a couple.  They are not anywhere near the level of Joe & Nicky.  And if/when Youth returns it needs to focus on the characters that we’re supposed to engage with & keep the focus on ALL OF THEM.  Comics take art, with or without words, to tell some incredibly entertaining & complex stories. Don’t waste the space on blackness & block quotes, no matter what Marlon Brando is doing with mailboxes. Create the visuals & worlds in your head & tell the story with your heart so it comes to life for all of us.  That’s what Rucka did with The Old Guard & I want to see more writers, artists & publishers striving to attain that level for us.  I’m spoiled to it now & you can expect this kind of insanity from me if you fail to reach for this bar.

If you cannot tell by the end of all this, I am completely biased in favor of The Old Guard & if you can afford it, but haven’t done so yet, BUY THE BOOKS! Youth gets points for effort & dragged for everything else.

[ctl-yuejie]

all of @howdydowdy‘s most loveliest tags for my fanfic, you are so wonderful i don’t know how i deserved the good luck to find you ;A;

1. #OH MY GOD!!!!!!!#it's here!! i'm gonna lose my whole entire mind!!!!!#well i hope everybody's ready for me to scream about every single installment as it comes out because this is the most important thing now#i didn't even know turnip!ah yuan was gonna be in it THIS IS THE BEST SURPRISE!!!!!#i feel so honored that my tags had anything to do with inspiring this incredible au but this is absolutely so much better#even in this short installment i'm getting such a good feel for the three characters who have made an appearance so far!#excited to see your lwj!!!#'the only thing his viewers enjoyed more than his content were the occasional take-downs Wen Qing was dishing out in the comment section'#ahahaha you are so funny#PLEASE EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS AMAZING FIC! I'M SO EXCITED FOR IT!!!!#i don't know all the things that are gonna happen but i have a general idea and guys it's such a good au#op is so creative and brilliant!!!#the untamed#ah yuan and his two dads will be the death of me#fic#these are a few of my favorite things

2. #second! installment!! time!!!#i feel like i'm a reader in dickensian london waiting for the new chapter to come out in the magazine#except there's less pollution and i don't have to put coal in an oven#why are those my associations with dickensian london? idk don't worry about it#jiang cheng makes an appearance! okay so i have never really understood him but i've been reading a LOT of fic#and i'm starting to get the picture i think#this is like...just the right amount ominous to get me super excited to see what happens next#WYD JC????#also wwx's characterization is just *chef's kiss*#<3 <3 <3 love u op you're too good to me#puns

3. #ohhhh shit everybody lwj is here! things are happening!!!!#i love all the sibling feels lxc gives me always#in every single fic i read he's like 'lwj i found another boy your age please be friends with him i love you so much'#oOoOoO the shoot will be four whole days i wonder what can happen in four days you guys...#like maybe...mister stoic guqin falling in love with disaster farmer man????#STAY TUNED#you know what just occurred to me is that lwj needs an emotion translator#i'm thinking like luther the anger translator for obama in those key & peele sketches#except it's just someone interpreting all of lwj's stoic faces#i mean lxc can read his faces so you'd think he could do it but idk if lxc himself is emotive enough#i'll have to think about it more

4. #this fic is the gift that keeps on giving#slowly introducing new characters...now we're meeting my sweet baby wen ning...i don't deserve this happiness...#also wei wuxian's carefree chaotic energy is just to die for#and what's this? jiang cheng appears on the horizon? narrowing his eyes at a tumbleweed that rolls across his path#his spurs jingling menacingly as he stalks ever closer?#hold on to yer hats cowboys i smell some Plot approaching#the untamed#fic#(okay also 'explosive arts & crafts projects' ahaha you are the best at these descriptions)

5. #oooooooo things are really coming together my dudes...#more jiang cheng content! okay he is really growing on me. grouch with a heart of gold. huge schemer. just wants to make fun of his BIL with#his brother but feels like he has to prioritize his ~responsibilities~#he loves wwx and understands what motivates him and at the same time just wants him to like. chill#the air quotes ahaha#that wwx makes them and that jc hates it#also i think my favorite image from this is the fact that one of the draws of the tv show is that all the cultivator hosts are handsome#which means that when lxc needed someone to cover for him he just went to the producers like#'no worries my little brother is also super hot so he should meet all your requirements'#'is he personable? no. does he speak in complete sentences? also no. but are the viewers gonna go batshit over his face? absofuckinlutely'#and the producers were like 'oh yeah dude say no more'#this is so fun i'm really enjoying these updates!!!

6. #not the city centre itself but a nearby mound#which sounds unusual and ominous#honey you got a big storm comin'#lwj is getting there early...oh fuck the suspense...#also 'either this is just how show business works or no one really knows what they are doing' why not both lwj??#ahaha i am cackling and steepling my fingers imagining how this is all gonna go down#babe i'm glad you decided not to give me spoilers because it is so fun watching things unfold

7. #i'm just imagining the perspective of the film crew showing up and it's a barren wasteland#they're like...wtf kind of establishing shots are we supposed to take of this??#don't worry guys the cutest child on the planet lives here. just get some footage of him frolicking in the turnip fields#the audience will lose their effing minds

8. #i love jc's logic like 'no one can find out about this or it'll be bad for the family. how to accomplish this? better get a film crew'#also i love how he's lowkey bitter that no one wants to interview him AHAHA jc you peach#and he's like 'maybe i'll watch the show. JUST TO MAKE FUN OF WWX FOR NO OTHER REASON'#wow i'm like becoming really fond of this character op!!!

9. #AHAHA love this image of lwj staring after nhs as he traipses down the street#'fancy birds? tf kinda innuendo is that??'#also lwj deciding to wear all white so that people won't approach him ahaha damn where is my equivalent outfit??#MATCHMAKER LXC STRIKES AGAIN!!!!!#did lxc even have to go out of town for real or was it all a setup to get lwj and wwx in the same place??#wouldn't put it past him tbh#lwj is so perfectly taciturn here i love it#and not just because he's not personable or something it's because he's having FEELINGS#also because wwx never shuts up lol#'he is doomed just like before because even this unknown wei wuxian he wants to be close to and find out who he is'#ughughguhgghhghhh how are you finding and pushing all my buttons???#hot DAMN i am HERE for this!!!

10. #i've now read this three times and i love it more every time!#you have such a way with words and i love how you're getting into wwx's head#it can be hard to relate to him with how dense he can be but you make it all seem incredibly plausible and realistic!!#i love him like 'wonder what it would be like to share a hotel room. it's totally normal that i'm thinking about this'#and like. you show how he got there in his thought process and it makes total sense!#also: lwj as eye candy YES EXACTLY#nhs is the perfect choice for a tv interior designer expert. that is SO what he would be doing in a universe with tv about interior design#okay and MOST IMPORTANTLY we have come to the part in the gifset!! this is the best crack that ever caught feels omg ilysm#demonic blood pool WEI YIIIIIIIING#wen ning being all yeah goth guys and blood pools two great tastes that taste great together#i love everything about this and it was so worth the wait. very excited for the next installment!!!

11. #you are LITCHRALLY killing me with this sharp characterization!! how are you nailing all their voices!!!!#nhs just in it for the hashtag drama that's so spot on omg. breaking all the rules HE wrote just so he can torture jc#all 'are you seeing this??? ARE YOU??' poor nhs and jc having to watch these two lovesick fools make googly eyes at each other#for YEARS and not REALIZE it well it's your lucky day mr. fan man because soon the whole world will see this UST and validate you#okay but what i love the most is jc the masochist being so uncomfortable he has to keep turning off the video ahahahaha#wangxian out here romancing so hard that jc needs a barf bag. or therapy. or selective amnesia.#you ever get secondhand mortifying ordeal of being known? that's what's happening for jc here#it's mortifying watching other people experience the ordeal of being known. this is the hardest i have ever related to jc#it's like oh fuck. lwj loves wwx and it's so obvious. oh my god. i'm so embarrassed.#wwx is so gone for lwj and it's right there on his face for anyone to read. i'm in agony.#ALSO 'jiang cheng can feel his head get hot and he drops the phone on the table like it personally betrayed him' THANK U FOR THIS#everything about this is the best and my favorite#ahhh i'm so excited for the next chapters and so glad they're already up so i can read them right now!!!!

12. #lxc shooting lwj pointed looks every time the jiang sect comes up in conversation for the past 13 years!!!!! he would!!!!!!#i love the way you describe wwx through lwj's eyes. the love just shines through#also you are so insightful about his character but what else is new??? you're the character breakdown QUEEN#OH MY GOD AH YUAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111#i am writing these tags as i read or that would have been the first tag it's SO important#i mean my tag isn't important it's incoherent but AH YUAN IS IMPORTANT!!!!!#you really want me to die. you really want me to be all the way murdered.#this image of lwj just standing there with impeccable posture one arm behind his back the other holding a sword in the air randomly#with this squirmy lil bab clutching at his clothes and reaching up on his tiptoes#okay dang i didn't know there was gonna be action! intrigue!! an ambush!!!#this fic really has it all#bamf!wwx and rescuer!lwj#battle couple ftw#NOT TO MENTION DRUNK!LWJ!!! SELF SACRIFICING!LWJ!!!!!#how am i supposed to live knowing lwj Did That#ughghughghgughgh#'at least i made him happy.' at least you made him happy???!?!?!?#just let me live for a second!!!#just one second though then i'm gonna read the next chapter

13. #awwww jiang 'I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU I'VE JUST BEEN CUTTING ONIONS' cheng gets a tear in his eye#they are...a fambly.....#my man lxc coming thru for the people!! title of my upcoming inspirational children's book: Lan Xichen Takes a Stand#op you made me love jiang cheng. i'm in it now

14. #omg i forgot that you had written this and sent it to me weeks ago so when i read it just now i was like...obviously that's what happened???#i had already just fully incorporated it into my understanding of these characters in my head and forgotten how it got there#so this was the BEST surprise#i can't believe you. putting ah yuan and bunnies in the same chapter because you love drowning me in cute#soft domestic adoptive dad content???? ugh i literally need to lie down and go into a coma.#just a lil coma. to recharge my feels.#i don't know what you could possibly be putting in the 'extra' but i am. vibrating with excitement!!!!#this is one of my favorite fics ever and i'm forever happy that you came up with this amazing idea and executed it so well#I APPRECIATE AND ADORE YOU!!!#HEART EYES EMOJI#these are a few of my favorite things#the untamed#ah yuan and his two dads will be the death of me

15. #OH MY GOD NHS MASTERMINDED ALL OF IT#this is so perfect i'm in awe!!!!#of course he did!!!!#also 'he had been very invested in this romance he had even painted themed fans for this' ahahaha#these schemes! these machinations!! he got lxc out of the way! he put the idea in jc's head! ahhhhh!#mr. fan man

[jaytodd1129]

If (New 52) Batman killed (New 52) Joker in the Batmobile after a series of events lead him to do it and then later, turned himself in unmasked, what would your reaction(s) be? And for that matter, what would the Bat Family's reactions be if they knew what happened?

Thanks @frostbite883! 

 Honestly, for me, it doesn’t much matter whether we’re talking about pre-Flashpoint Bats or post-New 52 Bats. For me, Batman can never kill. I don’t mind seeing different interpretations in which he’s gone a lil bonkers and crossed the line, but I just think that for him to be able to function properly, he really DOES need to draw that line in the sand and NEVER cross it. If Batman crosses that line, going crazy is pretty much an inevitability, imo. I don’t consider Bruce to be the most stable of individuals to begin with, and I really believe that not crossing that line is one of the few things that keep him more or less “together”.

If he DID kill the Joker, because everything went wrong, and as you said it was just a series of unfortunate events that left Bruce with absolutely no other choice than to kill the Joker, it would definitely be very tragic to me. Because I would see it as him giving up the very last part of himself for the greater good. And, in a way, the Joker would win. He would finally be able to make Bruce break his ONE rule, and therefore, would break HIM. The only thing left would be 1) for Bruce to go batshit (no pun intended.. maybe :v) and start killing all the bad guys or 2) he DOESN’T go batshit, so he turns himself in (as you said), but it takes such a toll on his mental and emotional health that he loses his sense of identity and will to live.

Now when it comes to the batfam.. I find this kind of tricky to answer? especially for characters like Dick that have fluctuated a bit personality and principle-wise throughout time.. I think they would all be absolutely shocked and MIGHT attempt to stop Bruce from turning himself in IF they know about him killing the Joker before he turns himself in, that is. Although knowing Bruce, he probably wouldn’t give anyone the chance to save him lmao. I think Alfred would mourn the fact that Bruce killed him, but nevertheless stand by him for whatever he needs before he is taken in. I think Dick would be in complete shock, and would be confused as to how to feel. Jason? Jason would be PISSED. Cause he’d probably reason if Bruce was gonna kill the Joker eventually anyway.. then why not do it because he killed HIM? Or maybe now that he has a sort of makeshift family of his own in the Outlaws, he’s above that, who knows.. I think Damian would stand by his father 100%, especially in front of everyone else, while privately have his reservations. There are SO many ways it could go for the batkids and I’ve already made this answer waaay too long than needed be lmao so I’m just gonna say that in general, a lot of confusion and some disappointment or anger depending on the person. But yeah, I mean, it’s something that goes against everything Bruce has taught them since he took his kids in, so it’s hard even for the ones that are REALLY trying to defend his actions to reconcile reality with his teachings.

TLDR: It would be an ANGST-FEST!!!

[pinkbelugacollective]

CAN I JUST SAY

*and this is a disclaimer that this post is in-kayfabe and does not reflect on the lives and values of the performers involved, so for you incels and cuntwasps out there- don’t be too into yer bitchass feelings, it’s not real (~˘▾˘)~*

im still absolutely salty about kazu losing to this goof, but like, if this had been dominion 2017 when people were rooting for kenny to take the belt as a certified jackass, maybe the salt wouldn’t have been that bad... but knowing that 2k18′s kenny is a basically the puroresu equivalent of a fake woke white hoe who many folks view as some variant of face/tweener when he isn’t is probably the worst thing going into his reign (besides the fact that he’s got cody on his list as the first challenger, because that shitshow is absolutely what we need). here’s a lil thot who thinks he’s got the street cred to criticize native talent in a native company bc he swears up and down that the obstacles that were laid out for him in japanese puroresu were seemingly worse than anything any of the natives had to go through to get their place. as if white gaijin aint been in puroresu since forever. as if folks like devitt and redneck george didn’t fight tooth and nail too.

probably the most glaring aspect of kenneth’s new brand of evil is that this is the kind of white bitchassery that gets swept under the rug cuz, hey, he gotta Japanese boyfriend and like, two Japanese henchmen, so like, he’s absolutely not being a xenophobic douchebag right???? but like- that’s exactly what he’s being, except now it’s more insidious and he has no filter bc he’s beaten the king. he’s still the cleaner, but now he’s the cleaner with a worse hairline. he’s still the same “gimme everything bc i think im better than u” ol headass, except now he’s more refined in his headassery. he’s got his boyfriend back, bc clearly, getting back with ur pretty ex is now a akin to ~growth.

it’s sad, cuz had this been kenny from DDT repping all the Gs back in the mother promotion, and telling new japan that they’re fuckasses and that he’s better bc he repped a major indie before hopping over to the most popular fed on the archipelago- maybe it wouldn’t have been so crass, so utterly ugly. but see, kenneth made it the race thing, he been made this the race thing since he came into the bloody promotion as the cleaner and terrorized taguchi, the first slayer of the bullet club devilry. kenneth dragged yoshi-hashi for filth for no other reason than because he could, kenneth kept the bullet club name and the leadership position, and he’s started yet another brand under the same stupid ass bullet club umbrella, and he does not give a shit because he’s deluded himself into thinking that he actually deserves this more than anyone else in the promotion because he’s gaijin ichiban! 

when he’s not. he could have been the underdog for literally any other reason, but he didn’t rep anything but the stable, its ideals, and now he has a pretty trophy husband to go along with it. and as much as people might deny he’s bullet club, he represents the ideals more strongly than anyone else in the stable. the club kills anyone in their way, so he killed kazu. they wipe out their own constantly, because why the fuck not? he’s now champion, so cody will inevitably be wiped out bc he’s just not on that level. kenny is devitt and machine gun and gallows and redneck george, but without the embellishments. he’s gotta Japanese boyfriend to prove ~he’s not racist, and two Japanese henchmen to defend himself cuz a pimp and a batshit NOAH defector are obviously good examples of how non-xenophobic the stable is.

and now kota’s learning the hard way. in no way is he innocent of tagging along, because as sad as it is to see him get thrown under the bus as nothing but a white man’s arm candy, this was his choice. he chose to ally himself with a demon. maybe he still thinks that there’s still good left in kenny, that the man he fell in love with ten years ago is still the same man today, but we know he’s not. he hasn’t been that man since he said farewell to DDT in his last match as a hero, when DDT’s roster begged him to stay. but no, kenny chose the dark side, and so did kota. kota can’t deny that he’s allied himself with a monster, bc yes, if you’re fucking the bad guy, you’re absolutely complicit in his bullshit. he aint gettin no more bandaids for this shit, if he wanna be booboo the fool, he’s gonna get treated like booboo the fool. he had one shot to make things right, and he chose the cracker over his own dignity. kenneth’s downfall is already in motion on principle alone, but kota’s final fall in new japan will be in tandem with kenny’s bc of his own stupidity. and maybe that’s the silver lining here, cuz sure they’re still in love, but damn if this love aint gon get the both of them killed in the end.

tl;dr: kenneth omega a goof, and kota a fool for this one, and whatever happens to the both of them will be things that they absolutely deserve.

[foxykey]

BTS Hogwarts!AU

Okay so this is going to be an idea dump, I don’t actually have any fics in mind for this (or at least none yet but who knows). Basically, I’ve seen a couple of hogwarts houses castings for the BTS boys and I wanted to do one of my own with my reasons for each casting. These are - of course - just my personal opinions. Hope you guys enjoy! Disclaimer: I’m doing this on mobile so i’ll prolly have to go back and edit it a bit later if it seems weird. You all know what a bitch mobile is :/ - Jin: Gryffindor. I think a lot of people tend to create these one-dimensional ideas for idols in their heads (not on purpose or anything but it happens) and Jin is certainly a HUGE victim of this trend. A lot of people tend to oversimplify him as sweet and kind and motherly - which he can be. But Jin can also be kind of a dick, which I fucking love. He doesn’t actually take any shit from anyone and that doesn’t at all take away from how kind and good a person he is or how much he cares for others. He’s just kinda an asshole as well. Jin is bold and confident and also chivalrous. Kind and good, but can be an ass too. Way too into himself for his own good and also sometimes overcompensates. - Yoongi: Hufflepuff. Yoongi is usually put in Slytherin and I totally get that: cunning, ambitious, resourceful. But when I was brushing up on the core values of each house, I read literally the opening description of Hufflepuff and if that didn’t scream the real Yoongi to me idk what did. “Hufflepuff values hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty, and fair play.” He fudges a bit on the fair play (cheating lil shit), but everything else makes so, so much sense to me. I think he’d be a Hufflepuff, but one of the ones people see as an outlier; like the sorting doesn’t seem to make any sense until you actually get to know him and then it makes all the sense in the entire world. - Hoseok: Slytherin. This one took me a while to decide on, actually and i’ll explain why. I think Hobi can be a lot of things. Like he could 100% be a Hufflepuff and that’s where he is most often sorted. But also he’d actually make a really good Slytherin and he’d make a good Gryffindor, too, and you could even make an argument for him being in Ravenclaw. He has qualities that pertain to every house and qualities that contradict every house, too. I think Hobi would be one of those people who gets sorted into a house because he WANTS to be there because he could be good in any house. I was caught between Hufflepuff and Slytherin mostly. In the end I went with Slytherin because the concept of Hoseok in that house fascinates me. He’s also another victim of people shoehorning him into one dimension/idea. Yeah, Hobi is literal sunshine and loud and goofy and cheerful, but his members have also often said that he’s vicious and you don’t want to mess with him or catch him when he’s in a mood because he’ll whip your ass. Hoseok is pretty freaking bullheaded af and he’s definitely ambitious. - Namjoon: Ravenclaw. You could make a really great argument for him being a Gryffindor, but I’m going to have to stick with the quintessential casting of him as a Ravenclaw. I think Namjoon is driven by seeking knowledge and he’s just very much one of those people who is super a model of what their house represents. He also seems very much like a person who goes through life breaking things down into problems and solutions and we all know he spends most of his time on twitter philosophizing about life, etc. - Jimin: Slytherin. Jimin is another one who kind of can have an argument made to place him in almost all the houses (excluding Ravenclaw, imo, I just don’t think it fits him). However, I actually think he would be Slytherin more than anything else. Jimin super dedicated to his craft and he fights for it. He’s such a hard working and he’s ambitious as all hell and he’s always fighting to improve himself. Jimin just has this strong, unbendable resolve to always be better and strive for perfection that I think would be so well-honed in Slytherin. - Taehyung: Gryffindor. Gryffindor all the way. Loud, brash, bold, unapologetic. Taehyung isn’t afraid at all to take leaps and chances. I’ve seen a lot of people sort him into Hufflepuff as well, but I kind of think he’d be a Gryffindor. He’d be the really weird kid in Gryffindor tho, but not the one you would question as to why he’s there in the first place. - Jungkook: Ravenclaw. Okay, okay, I know this one seems super out of left field. People usually cast him as Gryffindor or Slytherin (both of which I get), but I think he’d be such a great Ravenclaw and hear me out. So there’s this basic idea/theory that the Sorting Hat either sorts you based on qualities you have or qualities you admire and strive for. Ravenclaw’s core essentials are wit and knowledge and intelligence. People are always up his ass about how he isn’t good at math, but Jungkook is smarter than hell and he obviously admires that trait highly. He admires the hell out of Namjoon for his intelligence. He’s also super witty, another trait he highly admires. It’s evident as hell if you just watch him, at least to me. So I’m sticking with him in Ravenclaw. Also, it’s very appealing to me that he’d be in a house with Namjoon. A FEW OTHER RANDOM DETAILS OF THIS UNIVERSE: - Jin would be a prefect for Gryffindor - He would also be that super, crazy popular guy everyone is batshit in love with - the one you’d hate from afar and gag and be like “ugh why do people degrade themselves over such a conceited prick??” - but then you can’t help being charmed by and totally getting a crush (regular, friend, boy, etc. all and ay type of crush) on when you actually get to know him - Namjoon would also be a prefect for Ravenclaw - and he’d be that super chill prefect everyone admires the hell out of - the one who lets a lot of stupid shit slide - but will 100% call you out when you fuck up - and then you feel small and you hate that you feel like you disappointed him - yoongi would probably be a prefect for hufflepuff too (nerd ❤️) - Yoongi’s and jimin and hoseok hang around all the time - like theyre this sort of click - inseparable - you very much want to sit with them at lunch except how could you??? you are in no way on their level ffs pls look at them - so many ppl constantly ask Yoongi why hes not in slytherin - and hobi and jimin are always like "yeah yoongs why arent you in the best house ever ?? Hyuk hyuk hyuk" - and Yoongi just rolls his eyes and just spits out a savage ass comment and walks away as the other two idiots follow still laughing - because jimin and Hobi would be annoyingly loud about their house loyalty - like they’d always mention it and always bring it up like.... - "srsly stfu no one cares how much you wish you could suck Salazar Slytherin's cock" - "i would totally suck his cock you're just jealous that his was bigger than your stupid founder's cock anyway hahahaha" - Hobi and jimin would also be on the quidditch team - both chasers - craaaaaaaazy good - untouchable - wow - such grace in the air, such finesse, such speed - taehyung would be on the Gryffindor quidditch team except he'd 1000000% be a beater - he'd have girls (and guys lbrh) eating out of his hand swooning over him - "omg he's so sweet and so good-looking and so funny !!!!!" - "such a puppy" - "what a gentle precious soul" - "uuuuhhh...... he literally knocked some dude unconscious last game" - "an obvious misunderstanding for he is a gentle pup" - jungkook would be the seeker for ravenclaw - golden maknae takes whole new meaning - the other teams would constantly be accusing him of cheating because - "how tf does he always find fucking snitch so fast ????? def cheating" - super admired and fawned over - gets lots of... attention........... if ya catch my drift - except he's an awkward shy moron who doesn't do well meeting new people - often shelters himself behind namjoon, who - lbh -isnt any help - completely different on and off the field - crazy intelligent but kind of a mess in class actually - "how are you even a Ravenclaw??" - "stfu tae eat dick like you're such a great student" - omg i'm crying excuse me thats the end for now