#just like it’s always been since I was 7 and learned to cook for myself lol

[unearthlydream]

.

if there is one thing I’ve learned from all of the hands on medical care I’ve had to provide since 2016…. It’s fuck saving for my own retirement. I need to save so I can afford CNAs and at home care for my mom once she gets older. I don’t have the capacity to do this shit long term or be a primary caretaker. I’m so much at the end of my rope. I want to take a long walk off a short ledge and I feel so…. Morally inferior bc I just can’t do this shit without getting mad or frustrated.

I’ve always joked that I don’t have maternal bone in my body and that I have the evil brand of autism with low empathy thresholds so I can’t have kids or be a caretaker but holy fuck dude. Holy fuck. I couldn’t imagine having to do this everyday with someone with higher support needs. I can barely handle taking care of my grandfather and he’s not even mine to care for 100% I was just stepping in for a month to help.

And when it’s time for me to be cared for? Drop me off in the woods. I don’t want to put anyone through this.

[edsanon]

I don’t feel like drawing, so have some platonic Lumi and Alastor headcanons :

They met via Rosie. They had seen each other before, Lumi accidentally helping Alastor taking down on an Overlord, but they officially met via Rosie.

Lumi is terrible at social cues, but they are good at picking up patterns, which is how they can read people, Alastor was no match for that.

Alastor is thankful for that, since Lumi can pick up on people, and Alastor can use that to his advantage to strike deals.

Lumi died in 1917 at 18, while Alastor died in 1933 at 35(ish). They often joke that they could’ve met each other had they lived in the same country, and how they could’ve been around the same age had they died at the same time.

Lumi and Alastor don’t exactly show vulnerability, if at all, so for one of them to show vulnerability, the other will have to show that first. It’s truly a mess.

During the time where Alastor disappeared, Lumi genuinely thought that he had died. They grieved and continued on with their life- until they saw the commercial for the hotel and they recognized him.

Lumi has their little family down in hell : twin sister, younger brother, youngest sister and mother. They do not get along with their mother. Their younger sister and father are in heaven.

Alastor doesn’t really like the twin sister, can barely handle the younger brother. But the youngest sister ? Who is a cannibal ? He adores her ! He doesn’t like children, but Yu is an exception, he secretly spoils her to no end.

Speaking about baby Yu, she resides in cannibal town with Rosie, Lumi visits often.

Alastor believes in discipline that involves hitting children (it’s canon), but he knows better than to hit any of Lumi’s siblings.

Being friends with Lumi made of Alastor a cat person. He hates dogs already, so a friend who is a cat and purrs and smells like happiness and all the best things ever ? Count him in.

Husk dislikes Lumi for this very reason.

Speaking of Husk and Niffty, Lumi likes them, they don’t understand how Husk hates being a cat, they’re apex predators after all, and they like Niffty, and Niffty adores them so much.

Lumi showed her a katana they use when they train with their students, ever since then they became one of Niffty’s favorite person.

Alastor has witnessed how they train their students, they were a samurai after all and he was curious. Let’s just say that watching them gave him new torture ideas with how rough and hard that training looked (He quite felt bad for that one student who had to start over 500 swings because their body wasn’t correctly placed in Lumi’s standards.)

Lumi reads Alastor better than a lot of people, so they know that he loves and craves attention 24/7 among other things. So when the attention is striped away from him (like in episode 5 where Mimzy turned her attention to Lucifer) Lumi is here to give him some attention (“So you used to dance ? Maybe I should accompany you to one of your outings then, I’d like to see that for myself.”)

Which Alastor appreciates immensely.

Lumi has a set of rules they follow to stay on Alastor’s good side.

Alastor was very sour when he learned that Lumi had a partner when they were human. They are the one to always give them the attention he wants and needs, to always praise him in some way, who can understand him like nobody else, he doesn’t want their attention away from him.

In reality when the partner comes along eventually, Alastor has now 2 people hyping him up and giving him attention when he needs it.

And this is Lumi’s partner we’re talking about, when Alastor latches out and tries to make the partner jealous (“I’ve stayed with them for the last 80 years”) instead of being met with anger and jealousy, he is met with patience, gratefulness and understanding. (“I see. Thank you for taking care of them, I am glad they found a friend who cares for them the way you do.”)

Alastor taught Lumi how to cook, and cooks for them sometimes.

And Lumi taught Alastor French. He had a good start, but it could’ve been better.

Lumi speaks 9 languages, and they are native Japanese.

Alastor had to teach himself how to hold chopsticks, and Lumi had to teach themselves how to use a fork.

Whenever Alastor notices that Lumi isn’t doing great (aka they start to melt because when their emotions are too much they become magma and they start to melt), he takes them on a walk in the Bayou side of his room.

Alastor and Lumi fought Adam together, they got severely hurt together and left to lick their wounds together.

Lumi has tagged along on a few radio broadcasts of Alastor, it’s just them sitting next to him, listening and purring quietly.

Alastor loves the sound of their purrs, he wants Husk to make the same sound.

Lumi started to use pet names such as ���honey” or “baby” after hanging around Alastor and Rosie as much as they do.

Alastor often calls them “Lumi dear”, and occasionally “Darling” (he found out that the nickname snaps them out when they are panicking or experiencing a flashback of some sort)

Lumi nicknames Alastor “A-kun”

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/760519101664968704/i-wonder-what-is-it-that-made-jkkrs-so-confident

There are times when people do certain things that just makes you completely respect them and this is one of those moments for me. I am a Jikooker and i’ve followed you now for over a year, (since March last year) and i’ve never sent you an ask or replied to your post because I am mainly a silent observer but your answer to this ask made me respect you so much.

I am a jikooker but I generally like reading about all the other ships in bts and I do this mostly to learn about other members as I do love all 7, and also to make sure that I am making a well informed decision about Jikook because I noticed that it is so easy to think your ship is different when you don’t know enough about other ships, like recently I saw a post from another taekook blog of someone claiming that Jikook is only always prominent in official content but that behind the scenes, at award shows and at airports you never see them together. When I saw this, I thought that this must have come from someone who is only really focused on taekook and their moments and doesn’t really look into Jikook because all this just isn’t true because there is tons of moments of Jikook together behind the scenes, at award shows and airports and it is so easy to see things like this and think it is exclusive to your ship when you only pay close attention to the pair your ship so I try to educate myself as much as I can about all ships and your blog is one of the best taekook blogs I have ever come across on tumblr and I love that even though you believe taekook are together you have never tried to disrespect Jimin and Jungkook’s bond. Thank you. Sometimes I think that one of the biggest reasons why Jikook and Taekook are the biggest ships in BTS and the shippers have so much rivalry is because their moments are so similar, like both taekookers and Jikookers get tons of moments of their ships from the same event. In one single award show, you have tons of taekook and Jikook moments that are really similar and then shippers start nitpicking to make their ship seem more superior so anything “off” that they think they caught, they use as a drag towards the other ship. Jk can’t even keep a straight face without someone trying to paint him as a horrible person who ignores his friends. They can’t even have bad days or be in moods without people trying to associate it to either Jimin or Tae. Jk can’t even cook in the military without someone thinking that he did it to get away from Jimin or did it so he could cook for Jimin. It’s like Jk only lives his life to please Jimin or Tae, it’s like just because you think someone is dating one person they can’t be a decent human being towards the one you don’t think they are dating and it’s so sad that people have to reduce Jk to someone who lives to be at the beck and call of Jimin or Tae. It is refreshing to see people like you whose beliefs in one ship doesn’t automatically make you disrespect the bond of the other because almost everyone tends to be shady about them even if they claim that they don’t hate Jimin and Jungkook’s friendship or are not insecure about it. This is just an appreciation ask so thank you!! Many shippers don’t see things this way but I think we can all ship who we want and still respect each other’s opinions because we were never meant to see things exactly the same. People’s culture, personal experiences, environment and such shape how they view the world so we can never really ever see things the same. There’s been moments when I’ve asked myself why tkkrs think taekook is real but when I read you explain why you think they are and also consider how we were never wired to have the same perspective, then I understand why you see things the way you do and why I see things the way I do so because of that, I try not to tell anyone they are wrong or stupid for not seeing the obvious because at the end of the day, we could all be very wrong. I also think anyone who has to disrespect or invalidate either taekook’s or Jikook’s bond is definitely dealing with some insecurity because you wouldn’t need to do that if you truly don’t think there is anything to compare and this mentality has led me to never feel the need to downplay taekook’s bond even though I think Jikook is the most likely real ship in BTS. I can still see, acknowledge and appreciate the fact that they have a very close friendship/bond and I love that you can too💜💜💜

Hi anon!

Thank you for your appreciation ask 😊.

There’s a few hills I’ll die on… all members being genuinely close friends is definitely one of them.

[mangosimoothie]

Chapter 13: 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖉 𝕱𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝕴𝖒𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 (6/7)

Camilla's cooking lesson will have to wait...

@bibliosims

start | prev | next

transcript:

CAMILLA: What are you making, Chef? 

RYAN: Menu needed a dessert so, guava chiffon cake. Well, plasma chiffon cake. Plasmafruit has a weirdly malleable taste. Definitely a little bloody, since plasma trees only grow when you water them with blood, but I think these big ones could be way more versatile than normal. Try this.

CAMILLA: Wow! Not at all what I expected. It’s tangy and sweet!

RYAN: Perfect.

CAMILLA: Can I ask why this dessert?

RYAN: Well, the plasmafruit will work with the color for one. And, I don’t know, it just came to mind. My brother and I used to have guava chiffon cake from the bakery on our birthday, but then everything on the island started to get expensive because of all the tourists and we couldn’t afford to go there anymore. So I learned to make it myself. Always been a favorite. 

CAMILLA: Didn’t expect you to be the sentimental type, Chef.

RYAN: I’m not. I just like making good food. 

CAMILLA: Still, it changes my impression of you. I thought you’d be so serious, but I’m starting to think you’re actually really easy to get along with. 

RYAN: Funny, I thought you’d be easy to get along with, but I’m starting to think you really like pissing me off.

CAMILLA: I can’t deny that. But you don’t mind…do you? 

RYAN: No, I don’t. 

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

RYAN: Uh, sorry, I gotta—

CAMILLA: No, yes, of course. 

LUANA: Online it says you’re supposed to be open, and I came all the way from Spice District! Update your website!! I’m leaving a ONE STAR REVIEW if you don’t seat me in the next FIVE minutes!!

RYAN: We’re CLOSED, ma’am!! 

LUANA: Oh. It’s you.

RYAN: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

[justhere4thevibez]

annual writing self-evaluation

thank you @pipergirl17 and @erythromanc3r for tagging me!

1. List of works published this year (in no particular order):

oh gosh, I've been busy-busy this year with fanfic, so here goes!

Complete works:

... And a Hellcheer New Year 

Galentines and Valentines

Hold Onto Me

Devil in the Woods

Every Time I Run, I Run to You

Eddie and Chrissy Go to a Wedding 

Knocking Me Out With Those American Thighs

Cooking Up Something Sweet

Please Don't Say You Love Me

Let Me Start Over Again

You Got Me Good

Be My Breath (Through the Deep, Deep Water)

This Old Man

Do You Wanna Touch Me

My Words Will Be Your Light

She'll See I'm Not So Tough 

She Knows What She Wants

Give Me a Taste

The Right Kind of Sinner

Release My Inner Fantasy

Hooked on a Feeling

Whiskey & Wine

The Graveyard Smash

Long Is the Road Out of Hell 

In a Sentimental Mood

Set My Soul On Fire

Burnin' Out of Control

WIPs:

Looking For Something Dumb To Do

I Can't Get Rid of You 

If You Fall, I Will Catch You 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

hmmmmm, that's a tough one! I love them all for different reasons, but I will say I'm very proud of Long Is the Road Out of Hell because it's my longest fanfic to date (almost 60k!) and at one point I really wasn't sure if I'd be able to finish it. but I did!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

tbh if I'm not proud of something, I won't publish it. but I think the work that frustrated me the most was Whiskey & Wine, my kinktober fic. I pushed myself too hard with too big of a goal and burnt myself out halfway through. but I did learn the importance of setting boundaries for myself (and why I need to be careful committing to challenges 😅)

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

not gonna lie, once I publish something, the words tend to leave my brain, so I don't always remember what I write lol. I should probably keep a doc of good lines from my fics so I have something to present when people ask me 😂 but here are two excerpts that I'm pretty proud of.

Devil in the Woods: He had loved her since the first time he opened his eyes to find her snuggled up on his chest. He had loved her longer, since the moment he’d held her in his arms on that endlessly rainy night. And longer still, he’d loved the little girl who played jacks with him on May Day and laughed at his wild antics.

Hooked on a Feeling: He knew he could be… a lot, as kinder people said. A goddamn nuisance, according to everyone else. He didn’t mean to be, he just tended to… latch on to things. Kind of like a bulldog (but in a nice and lovable way, thank you, Jeff). And right now he had ChrissyChrissyChrissy clamped tight between his jaws, and he hoped to god she didn’t ask him to let go.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

I have a few regular commenters who give me the longest, loveliest comments where they literally analyze each chapter section by section 😭 it makes me feel so loved. but as for one individual comment, I distinctly remember a commenter from one of my early fics commenting on a really tough scene I did re: chrissy's eating disorder. they said that they also had an eating disorder, and that chapter was very healing for them. I don't think I'll ever get another comment as powerful as that.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I go in and out of mild anxious/depressive episodes, mostly due to outside stressors, and that makes it really hard to write. writing is the one constant joy in my life, and when I don't even feel like doing that, I know something is very, very wrong. but luckily, they don't usually last too long!

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

mike's redemption arc in Long Is the Road! that one was a total curveball to me, and it only came about because it was the closest place I could think of to have Chrissy walk to after her mom kicked her out. total accident, but it spawned on of my favorite sibling-ships for chrissy that I've ever written!

also writing wayne's pov! i never intended to do that, but once I started, his voice just kind of stuck in my head 😂

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I wrote a lot. like over 300k of fanfic. and i even got back into writing some original fiction, which I'm so excited about!

I also started writing smut for the first time in 2023, which was something I never anticipated doing, let alone enjoying! but it's been super fun

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I'd like to work more on my original fiction, maybe get a short story published. I'd also like to get better at world-building! I tend to get so focused on the characters that I forget they exist in a place I should spend some time creating lol

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@slumped-in-the-arms-of-fiction all the way! she's been such a wonderful beta reader, cheerleader, and overall positive influence on my writing. I Can't Get Rid of You wouldn't ever have happened without her support and feedback!

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

ooh, buddy! pieces of myself get sprinkled all over the damn place 😂 but as for specifics...

Galentines and Valentines opening scene was reminiscent of the girls' nights me and my college friends used to have (and still have sometimes)

Hooked on a Feeling had elements of my own past experiences of being laid up in a hospital (and being very annoyed about it)

This Old Man was absolutely inspired by my love of Columbo

You Got Me Good definitely included some of my own thoughts and feelings about when I get a little too high 😂

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

give your writing time.

it's so tempting when you have a new idea to jump on it and then get frustrated when it doesn't immediately turn out the way you want, but I've found that if I give myself time to think over a piece before I write it, and let it sit for a little while after I write it, I'm much happier with the end results!

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

finishing my three WIPs! and hopefully a little christmas fic 😂 I don't have anything else immediately in the works, thank god!

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@1lostsoul0fishbowl @pearlypairings @rose-n-gunses and anybody else!!!

[battle-of-alberta]

Can you tell me more about the wildlife in alberta? there seems to be lots of it! I heard there used to be bison? Have the bison come back or are they extinct now?

Parks Pass: What are Bison?

I've been working on this for well over a month, although I've been thinking about it since I received this ask last fall. Bison are so central and important in prairie history, ecology, spirituality, etc. and I feel that they exemplify this more than perhaps any other living thing here... I don't think I will go this in depth into other wildlife for this series.

I am not a naturalist nor do I represent Parks Canada or related organizations, all of this information has been sourced through reports from Parks Canada, organizations like CPAWS, etc. There are a lot of questions surrounding ecology, legalities, and reconciliation with Indigenous peoples that I just am not equipped to answer by myself... but I wanted to give as clear an overview as I could of the challenges and successes around bison in Alberta.

More notes, close ups, etc. below. I will try to link to some sources in the notes as a reblog.

I tried my best to make each panel stand mostly on its own so that you could read them in any order, but I hope there is a bit of a flow to the information... The pieces were slightly bigger than my scanner, so I apologize for some blurry writing and cropped edges!

(yak left, bison centre, buffalo right) (You will find all three domestic in Alberta, at least at agricultural fairs if not commercially)

[ badum tishhhhhhh]

I tried to get the moose and our guides to scale physically, but it was tricky! Also: the summer ochre cape tends to appear on male plains bison.

There is debate as to whether wood and plains bison should be classified as separate species at all. The fact is, there remains a legal distinction in Alberta that will become relevant in a few panels.

This safety tip is if you're on foot- in a car, obviously stay in your vehicle! Don't attempt to drive through bison either, just let them pass!

The "Ecology" title got cut here, my apologies.

Some other ways bison improve the ecosystem is by literally rolling around and trampling on the landscape, the churning of the land and the fertilization from buffalo dung helps plants and insects thrive, which in turn benefits all creatures along the food chain. Cows do not nearly replace the magnitude to which bison benefit the prairie.

Often in school, the sole fact one might learn about the First Nations of the plains involves a diagram of all the uses of each part of a bison. These descriptions have almost always been in the past tense, in order to place Indigenous peoples and their ways of life purely in the past. This is not a reflection of reality- many Indigenous folks in Alberta are still maintaining their traditions and their relationships with bison today. The tee pee here is based off of a Blackfoot design featured at the Royal Alberta Museum. Also pictured is a drying rack of meat, and a bison stomach suspended as a cooking pot. Pemmican is often described these days as a "superfood" or the ultimate protein bar; it is a mixture of dried meat and berries that both preserves well and is extremely nourishing.

It is difficult to summarize the impacts of colonization in a short space, especially where bison are concerned. The creation of Treaty 7 in Alberta, particularly, was a result of an intentional and devastating eradication of the bison by settlers. This forced First Nations such as the Blackfoot Confederacy into impossible positions: follow the buffalo into the United States and risk attack from the Americans or the Sioux as the herds became smaller and smaller, or to agree to the Canadian government's terms to stay on a fraction of their traditional territories in order to keep from starving to death.

At the same time, anthropologists, collectors, and tourists tried to buy or take anything they could get their hands on from what they perceived as the end of an era: salvage anthropology of First Nations in the West painted an image of "pure" native culture that was about to be lost forever, while First Nations peoples were being forcibly assimilated, excluded, or eradicated by settlers.

There is still a lack of understanding in mainstream settler Canadian culture of the human labour that went into the creation of the "natural" "wilderness" of this land. This is something that the settlement, the industrialization, and the creation of national parks in Alberta and elsewhere ignores or erases, but there is a growing awareness and acknowledgement of the relationship between First Peoples and the land.

The prairie ecosystem remains extremely endangered and little understood, especially as environmental activism tends to focus on deforestation or pollution of the ocean rather than the destruction of native grasses and shrubs.

Cameo ft. Mac representing Wood Buffalo National Park, which spans the border of the Northwest Territories and Alberta. Obviously, the main cause of environmental destruction surrounding the park involves human industrial activity: logging, mining, and development of the oil patch. Disease can be easily transmitted between bison and cattle and can easily wipe out already struggling populations.

I was shocked to discover that all bison were considered livestock as recently as two years ago and could thus be harvested by anyone, anytime, and anywhere outside a protected area. Plains bison still do not have status as "wildlife".

The province did recently expand the "buffer zone" outside of Banff National Park, giving the Park a chance to recover bison that have wandered outside of the barriers before they become 'fair game', as it were.

Also worth noting: B.C. and Saskatchewan both protect bison under their provincial wildlife acts, but plains bison leaving those provinces and entering Alberta or Manitoba would be considered livestock as they are unprotected.

Elk Island stocks bison across the continent and around the world, which is incredible! Not all of those original 700 were sent to Elk Island, unfortunately those sent to what was once Buffalo National Park did not make it.

Likewise, a project to reintroduce bison to Jasper didn't bear fruit. An article via Jasper Local I had found earlier (that no longer seems to work) describes the discovery of a bison skull at Talbot Lake that most likely represents a bison from this recent reintroduction attempt.

The Banff bison reintroduction pilot (2017-2022) is the most recent attempt to reintroduce bison to areas of Alberta, and so far from the initial Spring 2023 report one of the more successful projects. Public sentiment both locally and internationally is very positive, with a lot of attention on social media, articles, and other outreach methods. The project is also partnering closely with all the First Nations in Treaty 7, as well as other community stakeholders such as visitors to the park, local residents, nearby ranchers, etc.

Phew, I just threw a ton of info at you! I hope this answers the question :)

[slytherinshua]

He's just precious. I definitely need to watch some of his live performances! I love it when artists really get into the music. Yechan is quite fun to watch, he seems to get quite into it. And Wonsang!! I love it when he is making faces while playing bass (generally I'm reacting the same way to his parts ahaha)

People are honestly so tough to deal with sometimes lol. I'd become a recluse if I could ahaha. I was talking about this with my brother once, when I finally have enough money to move out (not anytime soon 😭) I NEED to live with someone else. Partly for safety, but also because if I don't I'll become a hermit and never leave ahaha (also because I despise cooking and there is a very real possibility that I'll just starve instead lol). I'm glad you enjoy talking to me, I do too! (Feel free to message me anytime too!)

That's exciting, I hope it goes well!! Are you working towards grades or anything? Or do you just go along with music that you want to learn? Lessons on zoom seems interesting, online classes were hard enough sometimes so music lessons must have been something else. It is literally so hard to find motivation to practice! Like I want to be better, but I don't want to practice ahaha. Although I use to really have to practice because my mum taught me for a while so she'd definitely know if I didn't 😭

Oh wow you were so close to them!! I'd probably forget to how to pose as well, although I can't really pose in general without it being awkward lol. That's really cute that he was telling you what he was going to do

i remember my favourite hyunsang song (or maybe favourite song of all time in general) is snowflake and i watched the live of it and there's this one part where he looks back at his band/orchestra behind him and just smiles so widely before he goes up onto the lifted platform to do his guitar solo AND IDK IT MADE ME EMO CAUSE I NEVER SEE THAT BIG SMILE FROM HIM HES SO CUTE (here if u wanna see it btw)

yechan is always so mesmerizing to watch he gets SO into the music and playing you just can't take your eyes off of him!! wonsang always has fun with it and dances, smiles so wide, or focuses really hard when hes doing hard parts on the bass i just love him i could talk about him all day

yeah and its pretty bad i don't have like any interaction irl its all online and im kinda thankful for that because its a lot easier to deal with interactions online than in person its a lot less stressful 😭😭 but i never go outside i swear 😭😭 i feel like i would get so lonely if i was living alone even though i don't tend to think of myself as someone who needs in person social interaction... but i think it would build up and hit hard if i no longer had people around me to talk to even a little every day like my family.... hehe i will its so fun to talk to you ^^

rn i do plan to take another music exam probably grade 6 since that'll be the easiest to do. i need it for a high school credit so we'll see how it goes. i've done grade 3 and grade 5 in the past and got first class honors both times i think but it's still extremely stressful i think i cried both times lmao 😭😭 technically im more grade 8 or 9 piano but i don't want to do a higher level when i don't need to and haven't been playing for a year so we'll see how grade 6 stuff goes.... online lessons for piano were interesting for sure 😭😭 it was harder to do stuff like ear training and having the teacher not like exactly there with you made it harder to progress... i also forgot abt my piano lesson times a lot and would oversleep 💀 i really lost motivation to practice around the same time i was getting burned out because of school idk... back in 2020 i was so motivated with piano i would practice so much and that's actually why after i finished my grade 5 exam i progressed like 3 levels right after. i remember getting the grade 6-7 books but all the pieces were so easy in them all of sudden just cause of how much i practiced lol. but now i think i'm gonna struggle a bit to pick things back up before it gets easy again. damn having your mom as your teacher must've been hard but also nice in a way i assume?? i remember my mom used to bribe me with stuff to get me to practice, and one time i wanted to quit and she would not let me which was good cause i would've regretted it so hard but at the time i was not happy that i couldn't quit 😭😭

i remembered a pose for the second pic we took but for the first one my mind was just so blank, party cause i didn't know we were gonna do group photo immediately and also cause sangyeop was RIGHT there talking to ME. like he literally told me to sit i prob would've been fine if he hadn't spoken but like he did so ITS HIS FAULT FR 😭 i wanted to follow the pose he said he was gonna do and i did for the second pic since he said a heart pose but like damn my brain didn't want to understand what a flower pose was....

[ochazos]

@epitomees said: Birthdays were commonly celebrated among family and friends. They served a reminder of the day they breathed new life, unknowingly aware of their impact on others' lives or the change they brought into the world. Each yearly cycle, though, brought them closer to their eventual end. They never knew when it'd come, how it would happen, or where it would be. Nor would they expect it to come at its chosen time. That was the cruel hand of fate keeping them blissfully unaware of their demise. Heartless, yet compassionate all the same.

The day of Makoto's birth soon arrived. Somehow Aigis knew he kept this information to himself, hardly letting anyone in school or the SEES dorm take the initiative to properly celebrate. No big surprise party, no neatly decorated cake with his name engraved in sweet icing, and no presents. At best, the azure leader rather keep the celebrations lowkey, or non-existent at best. Aigis guessed this was his true intentions, to let the day come and go without acknowledging its importance.

But she refused to let it slip through the cracks so easily...

"Makoto..." She caught him in the hallway just before he slipped into his room for the night. Bright, blue eyes held a strange nervousness, yet boldly kept their intense gaze on the boy's grey-blue hues. Her steps were quiet, calculated, making sure Makoto's acute observance remained on the approaching maiden. Not wandering to what she held behind her back. "...please, take these."

A small bouquet of flowers. Blue forget-me-nots mixed together with bright yellow sunflowers, creating a summery splash of vibrant color held neatly together with a metallic blue bow. "While you may not want any unnecessary attention drawn to yourself this day, I took it upon myself to find you something so you were not forgotten." Her gift to him. A beautiful, yet fleeting present she hoped he found endearing, considering the meaning behind this floral arrangement.

"I am glad you were born into this world, in the same space, and in the same time that I am operating." He truly meant the world to her, in ways the maiden couldn't fully explain or understand. This was only a portion of her immense gratitude and love towards the young boy. But for now, it would do. "...Happy Birthday, to you, Makoto."

It's Makoto's birthday! - Accepting

The last real birthday Makoto could remember was the year his parents both died. They had been quite loving. Both decorating the house, taking time off of work to spend with him. They would take him to get whatever food he asked for and both would buy him a special gift. He looked forward to it all year. A day that they celebrated him and showed how much they loved him. He had been a small child. There wasn't much he could do for their birthdays aside from draw a picture or do extra chores. He always got roped into helping whichever parent wasn't being celebrated cook a meal for the other. He could still remember burning his finger trying to help make pancake for his mom. He was probably only 6 or 7 years old. How he cried and ruined the surprise of breakfast in bed for her. And instead the 3 of them made a huge breakfast together. It was a warm memory, one that Makoto hated to recall. Just like every birthday memory. So when the day came, Makoto tended to slip away and hide from others.

He had been so close to escaping it. His fingers already touching the door handle to his room when a voice calls out to him. He stops, fingers just barely placed upon the cold metal. He doesn't face her yet.

"Aigis?" He had a soft spot for her. Everyone knew it. In fact, it could easily be considered love. He didn't know if it was. He didn't know how love felt or how to be good at it. Maybe that's why him and Aigis fit together so well. They were both still learning to be human.

He turns around to face her, eyes locking with her piercing blue gaze. He looked at the flowers. The vibrant colors were stunning. Ever since he began to come alive and feel things again, he had remembered that he had always really liked flowers and plants. Or maybe remembered wasn't the right word. Maybe 'realized' was it. His gaze doesn't leave them flowers as she speaks. They were beautiful. Fleeting too. Just like his life would be compared to hers. He only hoped he could give Aigis enough good memories to keep her smiling from the memories for all of eternity. Until her life ended, likely far after his.

He takes a step closer to her, taking the flowers at last. Grey eyes return to hers, adoration clear in them. He didn't know how to love or be loved. But that had to be what this feeling was, right? He never wanted to be away from her. He gently pulls her into an embrace, as if she was as delicate as the flowers he held. He always felt cold during his birthday, but today he felt so warm.

"I'm so happy we met." He says while holding her. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Aigis." He speaks from the heart. It didn't matter what happened ten years ago when she sealed death inside of him. It was all worth it if it led him here, to her. Like a red string had tied their hearts together and slowly led them back to each other.

"Thank you." He wanted her to know exactly how he felt. No room for doubt or confusion. "It's okay to celebrate it... if it's with you. I'm happy." He doesn't say what he thinks his heart may be screaming in his ribcage. He leaves that part out.

I love you, Aigis.

[chaos-has-theories]

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

(Numbers chosen at random, no idea what questions these correspond to)

Weirder asks

Thank you!! Took this as an opportunity to ramble at length. You have been warned.

4. Which cryptid being do you believe in?

Listen, it is complicated.

I was raised in a type of Christian Animism. I have vaguely dabbled in Paganism since I was thirteen and and researching for a presentation on witches (historical) and instead found witches (modern). If pressed, I would identify as agnostic. I study literature with a focus on folklore and took supplemental classes in science of religion and egyptology.

All of this only works if I sharpen my Alar like I am the zumil and the world my kolee, until my mind is the box that Mr. Schrödinger locked his kitten into.

What Cryptid do I believe in? All of them. None of them. The ghost that lives in the linen closet at [hotel name redacted]. Frau Perchta, who is Frau Holle, who is god, who is dead. Myself. "Apotheosis can happen to everyone, although.... the idea of being godlike may be attractive, being an actual god is less so." (London Review of Books, February 2022)

8. How many water bottles are in your room right now?

SO MANY. I always have one by my bed and one in my backpack, and I'm not sure if it counts but a glass carafe on my desk. But of course then there's my backup glass bottle, and the ~7 PET bottles in varying sizes that I keep with my bags for cases of "I want to bring an extra bottle for my friend" or for isotonic or energy drinks or JUST IN CASE, okay.

If I don't have a water bottle with me at all times, I simply die. It is what it is.

15. Are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

Well no, but actually yes. Technically speaking? Absolutely not and thank the stars for that. Right now and in a broader sense? Yeah, kind of.

Look, I have two younger siblings who are ~10 years younger than me. I feel very, very responsible for them. I am at all times trying to make up for the things my parents are doing wrong. Right now they are off hiking somewhere for a week, so my older sibling and me are taking care of the kids (who are solidly teenagers but shhhh). It means cooking and cleaning and helping my sib go to bed without getting lost in the sauce and being emotional support and doing the are you winning son and the did you remember to drink some water. It's exhausting and it's rewarding and I love them so much. They are SWEET and KIND and AMAZING and TALENTED and I feel like that statement alone qualifies me as an honorable parent. So there.

16. Can you drive?

Nope. I've been "meaning" to learn for a few years now, but what am I gonna do, get a car? Har har.

Sth sth speaking from a place of privilege (comfortable seat on functional public transportation): it just seems like a lot of hassle and money just to drive a handful of times a year. Maybe I'll learn someday. Maybe this summer. Maybe never.

23. How do you feel about chilly weather?

For various reasons my body at all times demands

- a tight underlayer, preferably with sleeves (for autism reasons, probably. Without pressure my skin will start screaming like a freshly unearthed mandrake)

- long trousers if possible (see above, though it used to also be dysphoria reasons)

- a loose layer (for dysphoria reasons)

- and a scarf (for neck tension reasons)

So all in all chilly just works better for me than hot. Spring is my beloved because it's cold enough for some layers and bright enough to chase off the demons.

42. An app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

Currently? IED. It's 3D minesweeper, programmed by a friend of a friend, downloaded via F-Droid.

I have been clocking in almost 2hrs per day since I downloaded last weekend. It's fun, but it isn't THAT fun. Huge sigh.

[the-cloudy-dreamer]

Tea and Books Asks

Thank you Dreamling Nation server for being so unhinged as to make this an actual tag game!

So @quillingwords @mathomhouse-e @firemandeanbuck tagged me and at this point I think I’m the last one to make this so if anyone’s missing feel free to do it!

1. What period of history do you enjoy learning about?

Honestly I think I enjoy it all! I love history 🖤

2. Who is your favourite fictional character and why?

I have too many! as of right now I can honestly say that spots goes to Dream of the Endless—he is a complex character full of tragedy and contradictions and I love him for it.

3. What do you order at a café?

Usually I drink black coffee but if I go out to buy myself coffee I guess I’ll go for an extra strong coffee with a dash of milk.

Sometimes I get a caramel macchiato but that’s when I feel like I want a special treat not an everyday sort of coffee.

4. Libraries, botanical gardens, or art galleries?

In theory I love libraries and gardens are lovely as well but my heart will forever will be with museums and art galleries.

5. Do you have a favourite film soundtrack? I’ll do you one better and name a few: Labyrinth, Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Coraline, Lord of the Rings/ The Hobbit.

I love OST music 🖤

6. What does your dream home look like?

It would have to be a cozy little house tucked away somewhere quiet —perhaps in the middle of a forest? I would love to be able to relax, enjoy the nature and do all the things that I love like reading and drawing and painting ✨

7. What makes you feel better on gloomy days? Warm soft things like a thick blanket and a nice cup of tea—perhaps eating something sweet and listening to my favorite music or watching a comfort movie/series.

8. What are your top three films? Books? My mind is *blank* so I’ll name just one of each because *awkward hand gesture* Movie Perfect Blue, Satoshi Kon Book Almond, Sohn Won-pyung.

9. Are you an organized person, generally? I am perhaps a little *too* organized! I’ve been working on trying to be more relaxed about it. And I think I’m making a good job at it!

10. Do you have a favourite classic novel? Several—I’ll chose The Bell Jar , Sylvia Plath because it’s been sometime since I read and I miss it.

11. What character archetype or trope is your favourite? I have a soft sport for creatives, rebels and truth seekers probably because I see myself in those.

12. Do you prefer baking or cooking? I don’t think I prefer one over the other but I do find baking more relaxing and rewarding.

13. Which season do you feel at home in? Autumn! Or more specifically that little place between changing seasons always feels wonderful.

14. What is your opinion on poetry? Love it!

15. Do you speak formally when texting and emailing? Since I only text family and close friends then no but emails probably yes since most ( if not all) of them are work related.

16. How do you organize your music playlists? I’m basic so I usually organize them by language ( I have list in English, Spanish, Japanese and Korean for example) Genre and *sometimes* mood.

17. Who is your favourite author? I collect those like Pokémon so I’ll pick one at random and say my beloved Banana Yoshimoto.

18. Chai or hot chocolate? Both! Though I usually drink hot chocolate only during the winter.

19. Do you prefer forests, sea shores, or meadows? Forest for sure!

20. If you were to cultivate a fruit orchard, what would you grow? Probably something basic like apples or cherries mostly because I grew up climbing those and I have lots of fond memories of sitting and eating on those trees while swinging my legs back and ford and feeling like I was on top of the world.

[roarsaidthedinosaur]

tagged by the wonderful @sarah-crewe!!

1. are you named after anyone? nope. my parents just liked the name :-)

2. when was the last time you cried? as prone as i am to being blue i don’t really cry all that often. mostly at touching books, movies, or tv. so i think the last time was last month when my sister had to put her puppy to sleep because he had a really rare, aggressive cancer. she just loved on him so much and made his exceptionally short time on earth full of comfort and happiness.

3. do you have kids? thankfully no i would be a terrible parent lol i am not even a good pet parent. i have no maternal instinct and i am way too protective of my alone time. i will someday be a very good auntie bc i think kids are so smart and great and fun to be around, but i like that i can give them back to their parents when i need a break and and i like that i’m not the one responsible for making sure they don’t turn out to be jerks

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? when i’m feeling spicy yah

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? i tend to lipread since subtitles aren’t an option IRL, so the first thing is usually someone’s smile! like. noticing what people think is funny or how they look when they’re laughing. what shape their smile is, is it  : ] or  : ) or  : D or : > or : } or : | or  : B or : [] or : Ì (that one is a dimple)

6. what’s your eye color? brownish greenish ish ish

7. scary movies or happy endings? scary movies with happy/hopeful endings!

8. any special talents? i can make a water droplet noise with my mouth a la cameron from ferris bueller’s day off https://youtu.be/-HCW8PrmrCo?t=54

9. where were you born? dirty jersey baybeeeeee born n raised

10. what are your hobbies? sewing (mostly making my own patterns for little crappy toys for my friends), owning books, taking personality tests and quizzes and analyzing myself based on my results, making little paper crafts, doodlin, playing pathfinder, and lately cooking

11. have you any pets? i am stepmother to my gf’s two cats Honey & Cooper, or as I call them Big Lady & The Boy

12. what sport do you play/have played? i have tried every sport under the sun as a child, but was nerfed by the universe with pretty bad asthma so nothing ever stuck. i was a great kicker in soccer, but couldn’t keep up with the running. i loved horseback riding but got pneumonia and developed an allergy to them. i loved softball, but again with the running. tennis, martial arts, ballet... you name it, i tried it. except for hockey, that was never popular enough where i grew up to have a girls league team but i always loved watching

13. how tall are you? 5'3/4″ but my license says 5′1″ and i’m stickin’ to it pal

14. favorite subject in school? you all thought i was gonna say physics or math but it was actually english!! i loved all of the assigned reading in hs, and the not assigned reading that my teacher recommended to me outside of class, and spent most of my time with my nose in a book from age 4 (when i learned to read) until 22 when i got a grown up job. i’ve been reading stephen king since i was like, 12 lol.  in college i had a really engaging professor who fostered my love of writing. also tied for a very close second are physics and math lol gottem

15. dream job? this is a hard question because i was very fortunate and got my “dream job” out of college but realized quickly that i was not built for the environment that type of work requires or the people it attracts. my job now is technically the same function but at a very different company that is a much better fit for my personality and my values. so i have two new dream jobs (which honestly were always kind of there as pipe dreams). i would love to teach high school physics or be a writer. i am surrounded by a lot of creative people who encourage me to write which is lovely but i know i am not cut out for the instability of the entertainment industry lol nor do i think i’m talented or hardworking enough to make it there. one day i would like to make an indie horror film tho. also i second @sarah-crewe​‘s desire for a four day work week

[diaryofanormalkid]

Me while I’ve been going through this Daniel Fast. It’s day 13 and I intend to keep going until God says stop or until I reach the 21 days. Whichever comes sooner.

Who would’ve thought though? Not me! I told myself a few days before I was intending to start that I wasn’t going to do it right now bc I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t feel prepared since I’ve never done it before.

And then last minute, I went grocery shopping and literally changed my mind bc I felt the urge so strongly from the Holy Spirit. So I just committed, telling myself I’ll do 7 days and give myself grace.

But now look, here I am 13 days in and I’m so glad I made the choice to do it. I couldn’t have even imagined it would be this much of a success as well as that I’d be able to last this long! It’s amazing

I feel like He’ll just end up helping me to push through the entire 21 days! This second week has been much easier to navigate than the first week. As far as the spiritual and meal prepping goes.

I’ve been really enjoying my meals I’ve been making as of recent, so it makes me believe I’ll be able to keep it up and remain in sustenance until I’m done the fast. This fast has been life changing!

And I knew the Holy Spirit was calling me to do it for a while, but now was when it felt like perfect timing! I feel like so many sources were influencing me to want to do this Daniel fast:

1) both my churches were taking part in the Daniel fast also. This time of year my old church always did the Daniel fast, so I was looking out for when they were going to post it.

2) I kept seeing YouTube recommendations about meals to make and tips on how to prepare, as well as being intentional about what to pray about

3) I had intentions of cooking new recipes weekly where I explore things I’ve wanted to make for a long time, including some vegan/vegetarian options. And because I already had them saved for a while, this was my excuse to get to try making them!

But overall, even though my Daniel fast still isn’t over, I’ve gained so much and have seen so many shifts happening. Like God has literally reached/touched every single aspect of my life tremendously!

Literally pretty much every single thing I’ve wrote down on my New Years resolution list has been either changed for the better or touched on in this fast! The ones I haven’t changed have been time sensitive etc.

But God is SO good! Bc I knew he wanted me to gain some big things from this fast. But I also have been supernaturally getting to learn about Him and have my mind and heart completely transformed!

It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like a new creation completely renewed in Christ. Like I actually believe the lyrics that I always sing about redemption, freedom, salvation, sanctification, transformation, renewal, righteousness and being chosen!

Every gospel and Christian song is ALIVE in me and makes me feel the fullness of God’s love and feel whole. When I read the Bible, it’s ALIVE! It hits so much differently now bc I can understand to full capacity!

And God really feeds me my spiritual manna when I read the Bible! Like for the first time in my life I can say confidently that I’ve felt what it’s like to be fed the word of God!

Not only that, God has kept me! He gave me strength this entire time, regardless of how little sleep I was getting! And trust, ya girl has been getting so little sleep and going to bed so late.

I think one night I must’ve slept like 2 hours and I had so much energy like never before! On top of that, I had the best day at work. I was performing amazing and I wasn’t my normal, clumsy self!

Because when I’m tired, I make a lot of mistakes for the most part. But I remember that day being such smooth sailing and God keeping my strength the whole time without caffeine!

And it didn’t happen once, it happened the next day again! I literally got up and started reading my word immediately and God is good I slept for probably 3 hours that night and he kept me the whole day!

I went without eating a single thing until 6:45pm! And I went a full 17 and a half hours without feeling tired until I went to bed, running on only the 3 hours. And I still went to bed very late!

But he really kept me. Holy Spirit was really on X games mode bc I have never felt so strong after doing that many things in a day! I ran probably every errand known to man that day!

On top of, the fact that I probably spent like 6-7 hours reading my word and in prayer and fasting. That was the highlight of my Daniel fast thus far! This past week has been fantastic if I’m being real!

And I can’t even believe how instead of striving like I thought was going to, God has made this Daniel fast fly by and feel like a breeze! I’m enjoying my meals, he’s giving me strength, I am growing spiritually!

It’s all so good! Glory to God for His amazing hand at play! I love Him, I truly do! By the end of the fast, I’ll probably come back to this post to give updates about how the rest of it went!

I’m looking forward to seeing how the next week goes and how I close out!

[jerxiong]

Completed: "Where Rivers Part: A Story of My Mother's Life" by Kao Kalia Yang (Atria Books, 2024)

I've been leaning toward checking out books via Libby or the library recently, but for this book, I had to buy it (via Bookshop). Not just because I'm also a Hmong writer, but because Kao Kalia's books were one of the first books I ever read by a Hmong author. I have her first two memoirs (The Latehomecomer and The Song Poet) and so it's only proper that I have a physical copy of the third one, too. But I didn't read the book all through the physical copy. When I turned to chores or cooking, I switched to the audiobook so that I could get through the book faster.

Thoughts: I can't believe it's been ten years since The Song Poet. I remember feeling very emotional reading that book about her father's life, and I knew I would feel even more for this memoir about her mother's life. My own writing journey has led me to want to write more stories about women, especially seemingly ordinary women like my mother, grandmothers, and sisters. So, this book came at such a good time. I think this book is now my favorite of the three memoirs (though The Song Poet's ch.7 will always have my heart).

I like this memoir more too because it takes the most risk of the three, artistically. There's a chapter that addresses a suicide attempt in the third person pov, which makes sense narratively and stylistically.

But the beginning, the very first chapter, took me some time to get settled in. Because memoirs are typically of the author's memories and pov, it took me that whole chapter to get used to the fact that it is in Kao Kalia's mother's voice. I kept doubting myself and thinking that Kao Kalia is the one narrating, but actually, it was her mother's voice. And so when her mother refers to her mother and grandmother, it was actually Kao Kalia's grandmother (mentioned in The Latehomecomer) and Kao Kalia's great-grandmother.

Besides my temporary confusion, I really appreciated that beginning chapter about not only the stories of the oldest female elders, but the different stories of the sisters and their lives--and how different they are from the typical "Hmong woman" experience. That's something I've been curious about and also been shouting about for a long time: Hmong is not a monolith, and our experiences vary so much depending on geography, religion, class, dialect, customs, etc.

Reading about Kao Kalia's mother's experience, her mother's mother, her mother's sisters, her mother's mother's sisters, the feelings and events they went through felt very contemporary, very current. It may have happened decades ago in a different era, but those feelings of hate, love, shame, anger in the face of helplessness or patriarchy or oppressive traditions still resonate.

I appreciated this memoir for being more lyrical at times. I think the one style choice that I didn't prefer was that, often, in every chapter, characters seemed to be almost re-introduced or reminded of their quality. It's as if these were individual essays that needed reintroducing to a reader again, if a reader hadn't start from the beginning and learned about these characters. I think this quality probably comes from the Hmong way of calling someone and recognizing them, like declaring your name, clan, location so that you can identify your relationship to another person. I understand that, but I felt it was a tiny bit overdone.

Overall, I hadn't read a memoir in a while so reading this was interesting. I've been quite used to essays now or memoir-in-essays. But this book held my interest, made me cry, made me not only relate but resonate with the lives of these family members. For a while now, because I've been living away from home for so long, I don't hear much talk on topics about the old days or the war or the struggles from back in the day. Nowadays, my parents' generation have adapted to phones and social media, so it feels like they're "modern" now. But this book reminded me of the horrors of wartime, the losses, the separations.

It is a critical book, especially with the upcoming 50th anniversary of the Hmong diaspora, the leaving from Laos.

[olive-oyl]

7 years

It's been 7 years since my last post/reblogging.

7 years..so..2017

hmmm...what's happened since 2017 to now 2024. well, to name a few:

roomed in brooklyn, then with "he who shall not be named", and finally my own apt

many tattoos/piercings

broke up with "he who shall not be named "countless times, then for good in 2021. i finally spoke up about sick of him being indecisive/cruel with me. Through his getting stabbed by his own brother, my (singlehandedly) cleaned up his blood for a couple hours. Through him losing his family and my having to coax him through that. Helping him get through his nightmares/ trauma with the kitchen (that's where it happened). Helping him feel safe in his space, again...and many maaaaaany more things i did for him, to prove i was worth keeping..and still, it wasn't enough. He didnt want kids (which fast forward to now, idk if i want them either, but at that time it was a big deal cuz i was 28? and we both discussed that when i hit 30, we would try for one. (Which is fucking crazy.) He didnt wanna get married...shouldnt be too surprised cuz he didnt wanna call me his gf either (despite us chatting all day/every day, being together every weekend, cooking together every weekend, going out & fucking) Rinse & Repeat for yeeeears. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 8 times, cant put the blame on you. Kept waiting for the "what if" *insert eye roll here* We grew apart. I moved forward, and he was held bent on staying in the same place. In the end, i was too much for him, and we wasnt enough for me. You know when he FINALLY decided he wanted to give "us" a try again, the day I dumped him.

Storm passed. The hardest day of my life.

realllly got into astrology/tarot/practicing

at some point i had a photography job, was focused on that a while. Then dropped it and started sketching, then tried painting for the first time. turns out, I'm a natural. took onto it beautifully and am good at it

learned how to bake bread/ cookies from scratch

changed my hair a bajillion times, but had locs at one point. they were beautiful, but heavy/hurt my neck

i did a bonfire in the forest. helicopters hovered, so i got spooked and stomped it out (but only after roasting marshmallows for s'mores)

worked with kids

dated a musician, that guy from the circus, the government official, an author, a middle school math teacher, an artist/twitch streamer, a couple, the horse and the older guy

He's been a supressed memory, and every time the thought of him creeps back in and i cant shake it, i'll just cry over til i supress it all over again. He's invaded my brain space, so, im typing this through tears.. This is probably silly & im currently hormonal, but Andy got let go. It's been..5-6 years, and it still hurts. I love him very much and once it happened...i felt like it was too late. I resented "he should not be named" for it, that ass hat wasn't worth it. And honestly, since losing Andy, I've always felt alone. I lost my safe space. I was still living with HWSNBN and it was, honestly, a hostile environment. We never really spoke, we got into a few bad fights and he was trying to kick me out after he put his hands on me/broke 70% of my shit. I wasn't allowed to express myself/how i felt without getting ridiculed for it...so, i shut down. Wasn't allowed to talk. So, when I was with Andy, I finally spoke up. Told him all the things i wish i could say, go on long walks with him. We'd eventually talk about other things and have lots of laughs/ giggles. He'd hold my hand as we wandered. And his hug...man, i miss his hugs. HWSNBN's hugs weren't safe. He would actually weaponize them against me, often. Andy's were safe. I could sleep in them. My brain, which would typically run a mile a min, would trickle from a whisper to just silence- in his hugs. He was my safe space. Anywho, one day, he lashed out at me for talking about the HWSNBN situation, and my world shattered. Andy was the one person who would let me ramble on for as long as i needed to. The one person who would HEAR me. Would reassure/correct me - without judgment. I'm sure he was prolly sick of hearing my whining/bitching about the situation..but the way he snapped at me...my whole world broke. I felt silenced...by him.. And i never felt that from him before...What was left of this fragile heart, crumbled to pieces and I stopped talking. Walked away and never spoke a word to him again. Was his reaction justified? Prolly. Prolly not. Was mine rash? Prolly. Prolly not. Will we ever reconnect? Prolly not. Will i ever stop thinking of them? Prolly not. I lost a part of me..and i don't think i'll ever get that back. He may not have been my lover, but he was my person.

i picked up skating. Tried quads, and sucked mega donkey nuts at it. Switched to blades, this year, and I love it

went to Chicago to see Kaytranada

Got Steven (chunky tux)

went to comic con a few times, and had an alllll out cosplay as Rose Quartz

pink hair for nearly 2 years

got a scholarship for a writing program and is currently 3 days away from submitting for certification.

Daz it for now. Its 3:30am and ive written a random ass essay post to the void of tumblr...so..im back? lol

TBD

[acourtofquestions]

ANOTHER!

A lil bored & mostly sleep deprived (but gotta stay awake for da bb’s (trying to channel Auntie/god-mother Taylor Swift vibes; because that woman never sleeps & practically runs the universe)… but alas my weakness; I have no books available😭 & since I’m still thinking about Throne of Glass 24/7 because how could I not in a post-EoS world) I’m answering them myself😂 … so you’ve been warned; this weekend of sleep deprivation, auntie duties, and travel shall lead to some weird posts probably😅😂 or perhaps new genius *she said humbly* … though less of a “genius” fashion & more of a mad scientist throwing spaghetti at a wall🤣 … here’s a more bar for the sake of “the feed”😂🤣

Rowan likes frosted mini wheats. Aelin mocks him for it relentlessly calling him grandpa or snowman.

Aelin is always storing a kick-ass dress in the back closet… and it probably is quite literally able to kick-ass as it is loaded with daggered corsets.

A library for Aelin, anywhere with Aelin for Rowan… or maybe a beach🤣

Aelin has a legit “get ready” routine, oils, perfumes, skincare, you name it (in an AU she would even own THE headband). Rowan just uses whatever she tells him to (or not to) though she still lets him use the lavender soap😭

Rowan and Aelin are both big on physical touch; they need proof the other is alive & well, close enough to hold their hand & remind them, or at least be protected if they need to jump in front of a bullet. They often show love the same way; in the little things they can do amid chaos. Rowan gently rubbing Aelin’s back, Aelin kissing his cheek, or brushing his hand on her way out. They like to be close, always sitting next to each other, or going so far as to share a seat if there isn’t room (though Aelin is kinda like a cat & has a habit of turning anything into a seat, whether it be a table, wall, or person). Rowan has also learned to sit beside her & never stand while a meeting has free chairs unless he wants relentless mocking for “perching” or being ready to fight, flee, or jump in front of a bullet for her at any given moment… including breakfast. As far as differences go; Aelin is also big on quality time (or more so any amount of time) just being in the same vicinity each doing/reading their own thing. Really, any moment they have (even solving murders😅) she wants and needs to spend it with him as well as feel like he wants to spend time with her (reminder: she has major abandonment issues). And she can be surprisingly sentimental for someone who’s never had anything, the things she does she struggles not to keep forever, while Rowan is the opposite. Mostly though it’s just noticing her and doing something specific for her. Words of affirmation melt her into a puddle of heartsick puppy love (Rowan is surpsingly good at them) and it’s one of the main ways he does show affection. She shows Rowan in little things (or big little things) like setting up a surprise (gift-ish), or washing his hair (physical touch/acts of serve), doing something so he doesn’t have to like finishing paperwork, or dishes, something little to make it easier to rest when he gets home (even going so far as to try & make dinner… though she’s been banned from cooking after almost setting the castle on fire & simultaneously giving everyone food poisoning). Final note: Acts of service are dearly noted by both, but honestly overall terrifying as they’ve lost too many people (and are both far too ready to die for the other) so it’s kinda off limits😅🖤.

Aelin has always loved pretty things, as an only princess she had everything she could have wanted, except the one thing she really ever wanted most; normalcy. Then she lost everything, every pretty trinket, every person, any sense of “normal” or the world. And while she got many gifts, Arobynn’s “love” came & went with bribes, rewards, punishments, and tests; a taste of freedom, pretty dresses or new weapons, creepy perfumes, than nothing. And once again, all she craved was normalcy. A family. & nothing ever filled that gap, or became more than just “things”; things she loved, things she held onto, but never quite “everything”. As far as gifts that meant something though: the amulet of course as the last gift from her mother & surviving family heirloom. The candies from Dorian, the ring from Chaol (for a time), the books… so many books… perhaps most of all the moment Rowan brought her chocolates (back when they were still “just friends” — but even then)… however the greatest will always be Fleetfoot; it is beyond a gift, IT’S FLEETFOOT. Sorry future Rowan/everyone, I don’t think much could top that. For Rowan, let’s say he wanted a sword from the moment he could wield one (more than the sticks his cousins & him would use as kids) most of all he wanted to be a knight, a warrior, dreamed of a greater purpose; ever the practical yet fire-hearted baby fae🥹.

Rowan did not write any, except for Lyria, he did everything he could to win her, to love her, back when he was a “young immortal”. And though he will deny this at all costs, he can be quite the poet… and still will leave little notes for Aelin; indecipherable inside jokes in their secret little love language. And Aelin was a sparkly, neon, gel pen with heart dotted eyes kinda cover my notebook in “Mrs. so - and - so’s name”.

They both have trouble unwinding and need to learn to rest, so often it’s less routine & more so a non-stop marathon of work & wars & training & something/anything to do or distract free time; until they are so tired they fall asleep the second they hit the pillow. When they decide to try & “learn to rest” it normally looks something like Rowan hunched over his desk toying with some project, a new drawing (he doesn’t get much time for it but he does love it when he can). While Aelin takes a fancy bath with all the candles, bubbles, & bath bombs, she can cram into a single pampering. By the time it’s actually time for bed they’ve both normally managed to wind themselves back up from the free-time to think, falling into work or some old “busy” habit, so they try to trade books & keep their minds busy. (Especially since Aelin has exited the bath to find him practically tying red thread; marking maps, learning new war strategies, & reading she describes as “depressing manifestos of mind numbing nothingness” that she must read aloud as dramatically as she possibly can to “show him the light of never reading such things again”… or at least make him laugh till the lines ease from his face again). Though book trading has also proved to be a very chaos ensuing activity, after Aelin decided to start giving him the worst, romance novels she could find (she hasn’t even made it through half of them herself… she just likes seeing what shade of pink she can make his ears turn) while it has proved to give him some new inventive ways to get back at her😂 (he tried a mathematics book once… it ended with her nearly chucking it through the window😂. Otherwise Rowan always grab Aelin an extra blanket (mostly because she hogs them all; despite the fact she’s the one with the fire powers😂 she once went so far as to ask him to cool down the room because it was too hot all the while she was piled under four blankets she simply could not move as it was too soft).

Her last birthday, the last she can remember; when the kingdom was full of life and so was her family as they celebrated their little princess, the streets had flowers and fires and she felt free as the wind as she danced and ran with Aedion the entire night. … Rowan bringing her chocolates in Mistward was the first birthday since that last one that was worthy of being remembered. Rowan stopped celebrating birthdays long ago, it seemed pointless as an immortal (especially one who’s “mate” was gone) and since she was the only one who would still put in effort to make it special; no one even knew his birthdate for a long time after… until (like most things) until Aelin; she spent days baking a cake (that turned out far more crisp than cake), but her laugh; the utterly lovely chaos of her covered in flour, alarms going off & smoke in the air, yet streamers & all this celebration had been set just for him made him feel more thankful then any wish come true ever had. She made every birthday since worth celebrating with him.

Anything the other does (there’s a reason Rowan eat the whole horrid cake, and Aelin cried when Rowan spoke those beautiful words). They are fire & ice, they literally never stop melting. … for Aelin it’s the little details; how well he knows her (even the parts she hates or tries to hide), the scars he kisses, the way he holds her hand a little tighter because he just knows when something (even the littlest of comments) hit where it hurt, the way he makes sure she feels safe with him & is as safe as possible even in the terrors of their world, the way he remembers things; the dates that make her want to run, the shirts that lived in that bottom drawer for months; he never cared, never got jealous, never gave her grief for anything she was or felt. For Rowan it’s the moments he realizes he is loved wholly & he has finally found her; this magical, other worldly, miracle for him. It’s her teasing him like anyone else (not a dangerous general, or widower, ancient hero, or cursed villain), it’s her laugh, it’s the way her eyes glimmer for him, or seek him in a heavy room. It’s the moments she looks up and smiles because it’s him she saw, or comes running to jump into a hug even if she saw him mere hours ago. It’s the days he wakes with her asleep on his chest, peaceful, safe, simply being and breathing. It’s smoke & alarms, her making breakfast & burning everything to chars. It’s the fire breathing, promising heart, of life; of living life, wherever it may be, or go.

Aelin will spin the teacups until she is sick… and she often is because she happily stuffs her face with everything she can find; including the non-existent fruit, neon colored, pure sugar (that the court has considered banning her from after a sugar crash once nearly caused a little more than a “sunburn” for half of Epcot). Rowan likes the giant turkey legs… or liked… until he found out it was a bird… one that he claims cannot possibly occur in nature… after a few trips without them & seagull dive bombs he gave up on caring and went back to his “meat on a stick” favorites😂.

Aelin tried to learn to knit once… let’s just say everyone got a lot of tangled web like half singed baby blankets that year that Rowan may or may not have death-glared them into liking. Rowan likes woodworking & building bird houses, and Aelin makes the wood burning process much faster … minus her MANY bird puns. Rowan once considered keeping a nice one nearby for the next pun he hears😂 or argument he loses sent off to the “dog house” or in his case ⬆️🤣.

Primarily, Answered in love languages. Rowan is a beautifully true “perfect” words of affirmation person (fae) primarily but also gentle physical touch; a hand squeeze, a back rub, a forehead kiss, a shoulder to lean on. Aelin is also a physical touch; hold your hand, kiss your cheek, hug, etc. she is also a “little details” acts of service; like let me put this away so it’s one less thing for you to do. Or let me leave a tiny “gift-ish” thing around for you. Or let me spend & make the time to do something special and make a memory for us. Kinda gal.

Back before game night was cancelled after a “Settlers of Catan” game left Yrene to quite literally stitch everyone back together with the pieces😅 (banning; Aelin, (Lorcan if Aelin is anywhere near by) Aedion, Manon, & by compliant association & too smart counting Dorian😂). Mario Kart remains undecided despite it being just as lethal (however they all enjoy it too much to suggest another ban😂). Before this Aelin used to pick Monopoly (despite the fact everyone & she hates it) precisely why, as she liked her own new rules, & determined to win chaos. Rowan likes chess, and battleship (one he & Aelin can agree upon); Though he also secretly enjoys the video games he’s “begrudingly forced to play”. And they both get far too much enjoyment out of clue, minus the “inaccuracies” according to Aelin😅😂.

Aelin loves sitcoms, she’s seem most of them 10 times over. She however writes for romance novels… which Rowan would die from if he ever knew was her (& vice-verse anyone ever found his accounts ;-) & he likes watching HGTV?😂

Rowan loves helping out around the house anyway he can, especially if he can with Aelin; he just appreciates being able to take care of her. Aelin loves doing the dishes (she likes to try and practice her water magic… and if Rowan happens to get soaked in the process or the soap bubbles up to cover the kitchen… who’s to say if she meant it or not ;-)😂

Fireheart & Buzzard🥹 (the fact this is canon — my gods I love them). Pretty much any nickname from Aelin is going to be teasing and sarcastic & possibly drive you nuts at first (uncle kitty) and any from Rowan are going to make you cry (not even a “nickname” but every time he calls Aedion brother, and Lysandra his sister, my heart pulls a grinch and grows even more🥹😍😭)

They love to travel. Especially when they can find somewhere Rowan hasn’t been (it’s rare in his 200 years but they’ve found a few) thankfully in contrast it’s easy for Aelin (as she hasn’t been most places) and she loves getting to see the world she dreamed about but was always bound away from. Rowan makes for a great tour guide because he knows where the non tourists hundred year old ruins are to visit ;-) & they often run off to their own secret adventures, or trying to find the best hole-in-the-wall cafe/mom&pop shops. She does enjoy going “full tourist” mode some days (the I heart New York tee & everything… partially because the glare from Rowan as she says “smile” and flashes cameras is priceless🤣) or in the complete opposite mode she tries to be a local (Lysandra taught her well) & she’s got some convincing accents… but on occasion it goes horribly hilariously wrong & becomes far too much fun for them. Same with shopping districts (Aelin will get samples until she’s practically had a meal… & then change costumes for more after a ban). Lysandra however is far better at this & a preferable companion for such mischief; and they do love traveling with their family too. They miss them when they’re away too long.

Aelin loves flowers, Rowan loves the woods; it makes a good combo of him finding them & leaving them for her as a surprise, or on a bedside table with a note when she wakes up. Every-time her heart gets so sappy over it she wants to keep them forever (and often does; drying them into bookmarks… their shelves are full🥹). Aelin also loves spices for cooking, or lavender for soaps and perfumes, so he often brings her new things; loving how much she loves the little “moments of luxury”. He was the first one to ever bring her flowers (he is 200 years old after all he had to retain some sort of classic chivalry) and the way her eyes sparkled that first time made it impossible for him to ever pass something beautiful without stealing a piece for her. She did try to braid them into his hair once😂. Or make him wish on every dandelion they pass, & he does because her crinkling nose as she grins at him is enough to make him smile until they both laugh.

Aelin can make a fire, or a heating blanket of a shield; however despite the many ways THE “Fire-Bringer” could, her preferred method of warmth is getting as close to Rowan as possible. He is in agreement with this method.😂

Rowan is incredibly proud of Aelin. It is his honor to be hers, to serve a Queen who is so good, to love a woman who has a heart of wildfire. And she is incredibly proud of them all; this court of dreamers, her family. — It’s the only thing she undoubtably knows somehow went right… Lysandra especially; every-time she sees Evangeline she is so thankful; they were able to spare someone where they were not so lucky, they are fighting to stop the cycle. And she is proud to be the friend & sister of such a woman, & the lucky aunt of such a niece.

Rowan & Aelin have a real Luke & Laurelai vibe when it comes to coffee; Rowan thinks it’s a death trap, despite Aelin’s affliction/affecrion for it. Though Rowan & Aedion did have to set a rule for how much espresso is allowed within a 10 mile radius of her after a venti & 2 days of no sleep nearly has her burning the palace down.😂 He’ll drink whatever’s around & doesn’t mind when Aelin mixes some cinnamon or something in, otherwise he’s a 1 black coffee kinda guy. Aelin likes anything with sugar and spice and espresso… but often sticks to tea for sanity’s sake.😂

Aelin loves the finer things in life; including her secret drawer full of chocolate. & Rowan has Aelin.😂

Aelin unabashedly loves rom coms & chick-flicks, though musicals are her favorite (even the ones she can’t stand, or are not at all happy & instead tragedies); she likes plays the most though). Rowan “hates them” but always cries at the notebook; he will deny this & do it everytime.

Each other period. Fleetfoot running with Evangeline in a meadow, filled with their family of friends, give everyone a book to read & good music; that’s their “happiest place” haven.

Happy Headcanons Asks!

Send me a character and a number and  I’ll answer: 

Which type of cereal is their favorite?

What outfit do they wear when they need to feel confident?

Describe their dream date

What is their bath or shower routine?

What is their love language?

What was on the TOP of their Haukkah/Christmas/Birthday/etc list as a kid?

What did their high school love letters look like?

What is their bedtime routine?

Describe their happiest birthday.

What makes them melt romantically?

What is their favorite ride at Disneyland? Favorite food?

What craft do they learn to make for a gift? Who do they give it to?

How do they like to provide for others?

What game do they always select for game night?

What fandom do they write fanfic for? Give us a small sample.

Which household chore do they privately love?

What sappy nickname do they give their loved one(s)?

What is their favorite touristy thing to do when traveling?

Do they like to receive flowers? Give flowers? What kinds?

How do they warm up when it’s cold outside?

What makes them feel proud?

What is their usual Starbucks order?

How does this character indulge themselves?

Which sappy romantic movie is their favorite? Do they admit to it?

What brings them the most unmitigated joy in all the world?

[steamishot]

T-22 days

8/18: plans changed -> hung out with just SC at her place

8/19: WFH together with LG at a cafe (my first time ever WFH at a cafe)

8/20: watch didi with matt

8/21: carbone lunch with matt

8/22: rubirosa and comedy cellar with matt

8/25: othership with T

8/26: switzerland

9/6: last dinner with T

9/7: last brunch with S&I

9/8: last hot pot dinner with LG

S & i decided to take a rain check on sunday. the initial plan was to go to A's place to visit her and her baby. however, because the commute is an hour long (includes train, bus, walking), i didn't want to risk being in a storm on the way home. there was 50% chance of rain during the day and the heavy storm was scheduled to start in the evening/night.

instead, we hung out at her apartment. got to use the pool, jacuzzi, sauna and steam room. i'm feeling lighter about the move, so it was really nice to have girl time. i hope we have more opportunities for 1:1 time in the future, instead of only with our SOs.

LG cooked me a fantastic italian dinner on friday. it was probably the most "romantic" gesture someone has ever done for me in the kitchen LOL. she had just returned from italy and made zucchini pasta with freshly grated cheese, and two types of crostinis. i was surprised by the amount of effort she put in, given that we've only really seen each other <10x. however, she seems overall like a high effort type of person. i was impressed by how well she maintained her apartment despite only being in NYC half the time. and at age 40, she started ceramics, signed up for swimming lessons at the YMCA, and just told me she's also doing a local spanish language learning class. i have admiration for her and definitely think "i wanna be like her when i'm 40".

i'm now feeling like a visitor on an extended vacation. i'm grateful to share these special moments with new(-ish) friends. a lot of the times while i was here, i really yearned for the comfort of old friends/family. however, now that i'm leaving, i know i will sort-of miss being uncomfortable LOL. i think i'll definitely incorporate some of my NYC lifestyle into my new LA lifestyle (i.e. putting myself out there more instead of staying in my comfort zone). i'm happy to have made 3 solid friendships (S, T, K) during my time here, and hopefully LG and i continue to keep in touch.

matt's work: he just completed his last day (night) at work last night! he's been in a much happier mood recently. things have been less chaotic and calmer since the job search ended. he'll have the next 1.5 months off before starting his new gig. i don't love that we'll most likely be together 24/7 from now until moving back, like literally <10 ft apart. but it is the last hurrah of surviving in a studio together for 4 years!

my work: work hasn't been overly busy, but has been constant. i may be PMSing but i fear that i've been coming off mean/condescending to A who i am still training. i'm trying my best to not let my frustration spill out in my emails and to continue giving her grace. sometimes i question if i'm expecting too much from someone new. this gave me a taste of what being in management may look like.

ceramics: i considered making more bowls and asking the studio or LG to ship it to me in LA if they aren't fired in time. i tried throwing on saturday and my mojo is gone. i decided i won't make any more things, but can go in and practice (maybe). i plan on buying one ceramics piece made by someone else in the studio as a souvenir.

fridge cleaning: we're keeping the contents in the fridge to a minimum and cleaning out the freezer. yesterday, i made an oxtail beef noodle soup. today, i'm making fish congee with the leftover frozen rice.

grocery stores: i used to always go to TJ, but have recently transitioned away from it. there would always be so many people (3 lines) and the process just became completely over stimulating to me. my fav grocery stores now are mr. beet and whole foods. i really like mr. beet for no frills produce. it's about a 20 min walk so it's an excuse to get steps in. i'm a fan of whole foods now for seafood and certain fruits/cheeses!