#just like i have no self control i also overshare all the time

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

hi!! i love your work sm everything u write is amazing!!! from your marvel writing to mando is perfection ✨ ive been a longtime follower and noticed u had ur username as medstudent (or something along those lines i cant rmbr too well) if this is too personal to ask plz disregard my message!! I was wondering how is med school for you?? what specialties are u the most interested/matched in?? again I'm sorry if this question is uncomfortable to ask i think its so cool that you're a fanfic writer and physician!!

I AM A PHYSICIAN.

Wild shit, right? Very good memory on your part! Yeah, when I originally made this tumblr I had been a medical student (and very not clever with usernames). Now, I've since graduated so I initially tried a username that was like 'medgraduate' or something like that and i hated it. Thus, the idiot was born.

Writing is sort of my secret identity at the moment. Nobody knows this is my hobby of choice. I think it's b/c I grew up in the era where it was taboo to publicly announce that you read/wrote fanfiction. Like, back in my day (cue old person shaking their fist), I would've eaten my shoe before ever admitting to someone that I partook in fanfiction. It was like a secret drug addiction. But now, it's like super normal to openly talk about it and I think that's the coolest shit ever.

Right now I'm in a Family Medicine residency which is primary care which means i have a very broad practice of seeing everyone, all ages, for everything. It's also why the reader in 'AFS' is in the medical field b/c I am very, very lazy and making that her background meant I wasn't gonna have google as much shit lolol. Write what you know, right? (but also pls don't take any of the medicine in AFS seriously i mixed a lot of star wars nonsense into it and don't wanna get sued).

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH. For enjoying my writing, for asking such a fun question, for sticking with me all this time, for ALL the things! You're so lovely, so pls don't ever apologize for messaging me anything ever🥰

[thedreadvampy]

hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????

(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)

[cetaceacyberia]

even MORE sillies from @superxstarzz's classpect fusions!! this time with a wee bit of analysis below the cut because i have the evil homestuck autism that makes me go crazy about this stuff. also the reason these guys look freaky is because theyre a human+troll fusion

OKAY SO generally i imagine fusedtiers would naturally be far stronger than a regular tier, though not quite as strong as a master class, at least depending on the development of each. They are also, of course, far more specific in nature, leading to highly specialized roles. Anywho, here's my interpretation of the classes featured here. I'll probably end up doing more later. Apologies in advance for my wordiness. I know there's a lot of speculation about the role mages play, so I'll provide a brief explanation of how I interpret them first.

Mages, in my opinion, are the active counterpart to seers, being able to take the knowledge they gain through or recieve from their aspect and put it into action. For an example, a Mage of Space as is a component here would be able to take the knowlege of the behaviors of elements and atoms, and be able to manipulate them at their will, provided they know what they're doing, and it's physically possible, alongside being able to ascertain. This can be seen with Meulins ability to form relationships out of seemingly nothing and Sollux's pension for causing doomsday esque events (aradia, sgrub, the like)

Prophet of Design

Prophets, in my opinion, would take the prediction abilities of the seer and the active knowledge mages can use and be able to speak events into reality.

Prophets tend to be extremely high strung people. The suffering that comes with being a mage and the all-consuming knowledge that comes so easily to seers create a scenario in which it's very common for them to slip into anxiety about the events they cause. The butterfly effect, if you will. Prophets do not use their powers carelessly, each move is thought out and incredibly calculated. Prophets are, naturally, blindingly intelligent, being the fusion of the two knowing classes. This can manifest itself in many ways, though the shortcomings mages often experience in relation to their aspect can often cut down their confidence, leading to a prophet underestimating themselves constantly. Despite their anxious tendencies and low self-conciousness, prophets can also be very snarky and sarcastic, when not gleefully oversharing about whatever piques their interest at the moment.

Design would be the merging of the concepts of fate and inevitability with the universe, creation and physics. Design players have domain over the physical outcomes of things. Reactions, from chemical to physical, even quantum at a higher level, all of that is within the control of a Design player. So!! i think a Prophet of Design would be able to speak into reality the outcomes of reactions they create or observe. For example, prophet would be able to do something like say "when i take a step forward, I will actually be twelve feet ahead of where i would have been" and just have that shit happen. As they get stronger, their prophecies can becomem more long term and more drastic, from being able to speak into reality an event that will happen some time in the future to prediting events that might not even be physically possible normally. Beholder of Birth

A beholder, a class that combines the insane growth potential of a page and the mage's expansive knowledge to produce a role of one that is able to expotentially build on the knowledge they have of their aspect. To create entire knowledge trees given the smallest bit of information. From a basic fact to the most niche, minute detail, none of it can escape the gaze of a Beholder. A fully realized Beholder would know, quite literally, everything there is to know when it comes to their aspect, which can be an enormously vast amount when it comes to Space or Time players.

Beholders are natural detectives, though it never comes easy. It starts as the beholder starts to make connections, faint at first but with a sure sign there's something more. Often ones to second-guess their findings, but once they dig deeper, and their ideas are validated, there's nothing stopping a beholder from uncovering everything there is to know from that one initial spark. For lack of a better word, beholders are quirky people, kind but stubborn, and their ascenion often is hindered by that trait due to the help they might need at first. They might get knocked down easily at first, but are wickedly determined, and bounce back quickly and eagerly learn from their mistakes, often brute-forcing their way out of problems. Thanks to the manipulation of knowledge that comes with their Mage counterpart, rising the ranks is far easier for a Beholder than a Page, though roadblocks are to be expected with their headstrong attitude towards growth.

Birth is the merging of creation, physics and the universe with the mind, logic and raw information. I think these would blend into birth players being in control of the inception of very nearly anything. How exactly they can control this depends on the class, of course, but birth players hold the essence of creation in their very soul,

A Beholder of Birth would have the ability to hold an object and see everything that lead up to its creation, how it was created, and everything that happened to it. Not just objects either, but people and other living things. A fully realized Beholder of Birth could potentially have the full knowledge of everything that has ever happened in the universe, from before the big bang to the very end of it that was no doubt caused by the activation of SBURB and everything in between.

[httpsghostie]

faz ghost, konig (ou outros se quiser) comendo brisadeiro pela primeira vez e eu digo se esperava ou não 🙏🏽

to my beloved, non brazilian followers: brigadeiro is a traditional sweet in brazil, similar to fudge, and brisadeiro is the same thing but with weed in it

warnings: weed use, nsfw

✧.* it would be the first time ghost ever tried brigadeiro, and you had to put a little bit of… spice to it.

you told him you'd be putting weed just in case, and he said it was ok. "I have a high tolerance for it." he said.

we'll see about simon 'high tolerance' riley once he's giggly about the pattern on your shirt moving and he's begging you to take it off because it's disturbing.

or when he's groping your tits from behind you while you're washing the plate you were eating from because he swore he heard you ask for it :(

he'd use being high as an excuse to get you to do anything he's ever wanted to do to you, just because there's a slight chance you won't remember it.

and he's also really energized and wants to roam his hands all over your body, cursing you to ever wear such small shorts that showed him your ass cheek :(

he'll sit on the couch and have you straddle him just so he can kiss your chest while he palms your ass, ugghhh he just wants you so bad it's pathetic.

✧.* könig on the other hand is really hyped about trying the dish for the first time, volunteering to help you roll and sprinkle them. he sits impatiently waiting for it to cool off before putting his hands on it, but the smell is so good he has to try it before everything.

you suggest taking the plate with it to the living room and watch a movie while eating it and while you're still finishing the sentence, he's already there with a spoon.

eats a lot more than you, saying it was like god had made it himself, he couldn't help it, absolutely no self control, even if he knew there was weed in it.

then he started to talk a lot, a shit ton of german babbling that you couldn't understand, until he was caging you on the couch with his weight and kissing every extension of your jaw and neck.

he can't help it :( you're just so sweet making sweets for him and getting him all high just so he ends up oversharing his thoughts about you :(

now it's his obligation to make you feel good and do all the things he said he was going to, even if you didn't understand shit of it :(

[oceane4loveu]

Can you make a guide for Karina ( aespa ) ?

Karina: true beauty

confidence is the key

Don't let yourself be walked on and don't be afraid to express your ideas and opinions. If you struggle with self-confidence, fake it until it makes it real, act like you already are. the one you want to be and you will see that over time your self-confidence will develop naturally. you can read this and this. If someone isn't giving you their attention, don't beg them. Respect yourself and walk away, they're not worth it. Even if you want to attract everyone, not everyone can be, you will just look desperate, which will only push people away more. If they don't want you, walk away; you know your worth and you will not lower yourself to the point of begging from them. Don't do it. What this person is not willing to give you, there will be thousands of others who will.

it girl mindset

believe in your value and in your inner and outer beauty.don't compare yourself to others and focus on your personal growth. Never seek validation from anyone. When you need their validation, they won't like you anymore. It's not attractive, you're pushing them away. You are worth an incredible relationship with love, you are worth a great friendship, you are worth all of this, you need to realize your worth and not seek validation from others. Don't give them the power to control your self-image, it's yours. How to achieve the it girl mindset? First, think. Think about the best version of yourself. How would they dress? How would they act? Write all these things down! How can I live like an it girl? Think about the things you've written every day and try to be that version of yourself. Just pretend, you can do it!

becomes charismatic

work on your presence and your aura you can find lots of videos on YouTube to help you. have good posture it will help you look more confident and elegant and also listen to others. show your charisma by being authentic and staying true to yourself. Don't reveal everything about yourself, people will overshare when they finally meet someone who will listen to them. Leave some things to their imagination, let them think about the type of person you are. useful the 80/20 rule, Speak 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time. If the other person talks about their interests, dig deeper and learn more about them. work on yourself, Make yourself a curious and knowledgeable person, always open to learning new things about people and creating connections around their interests. you can be as pretty as you want, but not attractive or magnetic, you can have a beautiful shell but it can be hollow. Working on your personality as well as your look will make you want to approach you and keep in touch.

main character

believe in your abilities and in everything that makes you unique. don't be afraid to shine and be the center of attention. be determined and perseverant in the pursuit of your dreams, don't let anyone stand in your way. what type of person do you want to be? Write down the things you want to have, be and feel in a certain period of time. Slowly check each box and in a few months you will thank yourself for making the effort to become the person of your dreams. Imagine yourself as the highest version of yourself, then imagine your life. Wouldn't that be amazing? Write down your characteristics, your hobbies, create a whole alter ego and work towards it.

[balaurbondoc316]

woooo Rain World Iterator OC, his name is Absence of Bitter Oranges and heeeeee's miserable. He was just supposed to be an entirely silly shitpost OC but uh he ended up with Lore, which I will put under the break. TW for abusive and unhealthy relationships, references to cannibalism, murder, emotional manipulation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms

I really hope Tumblr doesn't kill the formatting lol

- Had a fucked up series of “relationships” w/ a string of admins, nothing was ever explicitly nonconsensual but due to power imbalances and the culture surrounding how iterators were viewed in general always made him feel he wasn't “supposed” to say no, even if he wanted to (was never fully aware that’s why he kept saying yes)

- He’s not really aware that what happened to him was bad or abusive, as his only knowledge of abusive relationships comes from common knowledge/ media where whats shown is on the extreme ends of the spectrum where the victim always hates whats going on and where the abuser is really obvious about it, which wasn’t his situation at all

-there were times where he really did enjoy it and where he was the initiator, and also times where his admins where genuinely nice to him, so he figures he couldn’t have “actually” been abused- and comes up with excuses for when that wasn't the case as a coping mechanism

-very complicated emotions about this that he was never given the tools or knowledge to process, simply chooses to not think about it--- figures that since he wasn’t (in his mind) being abused, the reason he feels bad about what happened is just because he’s bad...

- the concept that the society and circumstances he was born into (and had no control over, and couldn’t have really done anything about) are actually at fault is too terrifying to think about (would be forced to contend w/ lack of autonomy and the fact the very nature of his existence in the first place is an act of violence against him, + The Futility Of It All) so it’s easier to just blame himself and then Just Not Think About It

Once tried to talk to his group senior about it when it was going on, but due to him not really understanding what was happening himself (and not having the words to describe it even if he did) his group senior didn’t realize what was really going on (got the wrong idea) and ended up getting both Oranges’ admin and Oranges in trouble for what was going on, making the whole situation (esp. the self blame) That Much Worse

This all resulted in a lot of self- loathing that would cause him to lash out, leading others to reject and block him, which would cause even more self loathing in a vicious cycle (+ resulting isolation making it worse)

Has a bad habit of sabotaging his own relationships from lashing out due to all of this

desperately seeks attention due to loneliness, whenever he finds a new group who don’t know who he is he’ll often start out with trying to talk about outrageous things (usually about Horizons Group nowadays, since talking about them allows him to be the sympathetic one in the situation) to get people to react and talk to him more.

Gets really snippy when he’s scared or overwhelmed as a coping mechanism, this happens incredibly often due to his general anxiety levels, resulting in him generally being seen as mean

Also has a tendency to overshare in order to get reactions or tries to talk over others in order to steal attention

Both of these things combined generally make him come off as really annoying to talk to, resulting in others generally disliking him

One reaction to this is to find members of the group with less power and kind of become their white knight in a sense, since this makes him feel both powerful and helpful and gets him a “friend” that is more likely to put up with his bullshit and defend him from others (and is dependent on him for validation)

He is also, unfortunately, terrified of being seen in a bad light (more so than usual, anyways), so the moment he thinks the general consensus is tipping from “yeah he’s the resident Mean Guy (gets people to argue with him, which is at least a form of interaction)” to “Yeah this guy sucks, we should ban him”, he will absolutely throw his “friends” under the bus to save himself (or at least as a distraction)

All of this combined usually results in him ending up driven out of or banned from group chats, with a lot of people that actively hate him

Incredibly isolated after Mass Ascension, even his local group won’t really talk to him, stewing in his own regrets and wishing he could be someone else without really understanding why he is the way he is or how to Stop Being That Way

In comes Horizons Group, who where the first to reach out to him instead of the other way around, which he hates since it means he’s not in control of the interaction

this is compounded by the fact that he literally can’t block them, giving him even less control (+similarity to his admins)

On the other hand, the fact that they simply refuse to stop talking to him means they are the only actually stable connections he has in his life, and will at least listen to him vent whenever another one of his social connections implodes (+ similarity to his admins)

Plus, how awful Horizons Group is makes him feel better about himself in comparison

Beyond Endless Horizons, in particular, likes to pester him

BEH tells him that the way he is isn’t his fault, that it’s his administrators fault, that they’re the bad ones (and what was done to him was wrong, and shouldn’t have happened)

And obviously that can’t be true, the ancients were the good ones, He’s the bad one, BEH is just trying to trick him into being Even Worse for his own amusement, obviously

(but the idea is so tantalizing, that his pain isn’t his fault…)

(but if that were true, what would that say about his existence, and the people who “loved” him? So it can’t be true… Right?)

BEH tells him that, if he just joined Horizons Group and let them remove his taboos- modify his can to be Better- let him be free- he could finally be happy, and that BEH would finally be the group senior that takes care of him, and stick up for him, no matter what, like he deserves.

And obviously BEH is lying when he says this, he really just wants to have access to his mostly- still- functional naval ports

(Oh, but what if he’s not? After all, they’ve stuck with him this long, even after he’s been so awful to them…)

(and even if it is true, would it really be so bad? Horizons Group seems so happy…)

(But then he’d become even worse, and he’s already so bad…)

BEH tells him, when he is at his lowest, and has been (rightfully) removed, run- out, banned, from yet another group of would-be friends, and has no-one else to turn to other than his tormentors (can he really even call them that, after everything?), that he will always be this way if he doesn’t let BEH help him. That he deserves this, if he refuses to let himself be helped.

And obviously that is true, even if (if?) BEH is lying about wanting to help.

(But would it really be so bad if he just… Gave in? After all, whats the point of trying to be better if he simply cant be? Sure he would become worse, but at least he might not hurt so bad, and Horizons Group seems to like him- at least, they haven't rejected him, despite having seen his worst…)

(But the part of him that Remembers the worst of his administrators, the part of him that does not know how to name or even think about itself, is terrified BEH- of being trapped again, even if he is not aware of it enough to name it)

and so he still rejects the offer, and tries to reach out to anyone, anyone else who’s still out there to abate the loneliness…

One day, Four Lines Horizontal asks for a favor.

He wants the access codes for his local groups gates- especially the ones for the cities.

They say they just want to scrounge the cities for any archives to plunder. His local group probably won’t even know he’s there! It’ll be perfectly fine.

Oranges knows he should say no. He knows what Horizons Group is like, that Lines is probably lying and wants something more nefarious…

But then, it is plausible. Lines is known to hoard knowledge- and after all, it’s only his puppet that can get across the oceanic tram line, and certainly no army (that’s why BEH wants access to his naval ports, after all).

And Horizons Group has been- well- not nice per se, but certainly nicer than his local group as been…

It should be fine, right?

Oranges gives Lines the codes.

A few cycles later, his group senior forces a group call- one of their group members has suddenly stopped responding to messages from her, and there is strange activity coming from her can. Has anyone gotten in contact? Or managed to send any overseers?

No one has. Oranges remains curt, and quiet.

Another few cycles later, and another of his group members has gone silent, and his group senior is beginning to panic.

Except this time, there is an overseer that manages to get into his seniors can- damaged, and forced to manually deliver the data.

A single image, of slightly lower quality than normal, but still legible: An absurdly large red centipede with a far- to- humanoid form at one end, and what appears to be some awful amalgamation of a spitter spider and a noodlefly, bent into the shape of a person.

Oh, Oranges thinks, Smoke is here too.

OHA: oh Void below, is that Horizons Group??? How did they even get over here???

GCFS: Isn’t Absence the one that controls the tram line to them???

GCFS: Absence, did you LET THEM IN??????

OMUE(GS): ABSENCE WHAT DID YOU DO

Oranges puts his can on communications lockdown.

Not that that stops his group senior from forcing her messages through:

OMUE(GS): Absence, as your group senior, I demand you tell me what hand you had in this. This is an order.

OMUE(GS): Absence. What. Did. You. Do.

AOBO: He said he was just going to be looking for pearls. How could I have known THIS would happen?!

OMUE(GS): AND YOU BELIEVED HIM????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

OMUE(GS): Sunlight and Glass are probably already dead! You fucking idiot!

OMUE(GS): Oh stars above, you’ve always been a Karma-broken piece of shit haven’t you. Did you actually WANT this to happen???? Was all this ON PURPOSE????

OMUE(GS): ANSWER ME YOU BASTARD

Not that she can force him to actually read them.

(he curls into a corner of his chamber and Waits. He knows they will stop coming eventually)

(it seems to take a long time.)

About six months later, the last of his groups cans (sans his own) collapses, having been stripped of anything useful and their puppets spirited away across the ocean.

He forbids his overseers from the tram area. He couldn’t bare to see the most valuable- or nutritious- parts of their corpses loaded onto the tram, countless times over.

He couldn’t bare to see if their puppets where still aware- if they were still alive.

(although, he deeply suspects- with some of the comments Smoke has made- that they are.)

Not that that stops him from allowing the tram to run.

Later, he will refuse to talk about it.

He tells himself it’s due to the guilt.

He tells himself that the terror he feels is because he doesn’t want to face it.

He tells himself that he refuses to think about it because he would drown in the tidal wave of it, and no other reason.

(on his worse days, when BEHs offer seems the most tantalizing, he admits to himself he’s not scared of the guilt.)

(he’s scared of the fact he feels no guilt at all)

(he’s scared of the fact he’d do it again, with no remorse)

(he’s scared of the fact that this proves he’s already just as bad as Horizons Group, and can no longer use that as an excuse to refuse BEHs offer)

(at least then he’d be with fellow monsters. At least then he wouldn’t be so alone.)

(but still that part of him that Remembers kicks and screams and wails whenever he considers saying yes, still so terrified of having to go through it again.)

(and so he continues to reach, for anyone, anyone else…)

(but that part of him has become so tired, and being stuck with Beyond Endless Horizons is what he deserves)

Far away, across the ocean, The Graviton patiently sits in his chamber, a golden pearl and a set of administration keys close at hand.

He will have those ports, he just needs to be patient.

Oranges will become desperate enough, eventually.

It’s not like the little shit hasn’t dug his own grave.

It’s not like he doesn’t continue to dig it.

He doesn’t even have his local group to fall back on.

Not anymore, at least. Ha!

No, it’s only matter of time until Oranges gives in and allows himself to be saved.

Until he gives in allows himself to be fixed, allows himself to be surrounded by fellow gods who will actually love him, allows himself to not be controlled by the bugs beneath his feet, but properly worshiped by them, as he deserves.

Only a matter of time before he can save the world, and every god in it.

“And won’t that be a glorious day, Absence?”

[vvintercearig]

yo it's me (again (jay)) back at it again with no self control and my dumbass son doyun! below are the usual links and info and feel free to continue to smash that mf like button for some plotting

STATS - MEMORIES - PLOTS - PINTEREST - PLAYLIST

𝒊. 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 —

doyun popped up around ansong around 25 yrs ago (at least he lived thru the 90s lets gaur). he has no idea what's happening, he's just happy to be here.

he remembers a little about his life, but always drawn to music, beat street seemed like the easy answer when it came time to start working. for years, he was only working the register, stocking the shelves, before eventually working his way up the managerial ladder. he's owned beat street for around ~10 years now.

his first memory unlocked when he was attempting to tidy stuff up around his apartment and was just about to throw the band-aid away without realizing it's significance. it elicited feelings of aloneness and otherness, but also comfort and being loved and taken care of.

he can typically be found at beat street (obv, always working), mirage, the farmer's market, sweet bean, and illusion.

𝒊𝒊. 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 —

doyun is a little bit paris hilton-esque. he absolutely acts stupider than he truly is (for the plot) and so he can gauge people and how they are before he decides to let them in. he is also a tactical oversharer, so while a lot of people might know a lot about doyun, it's hard to pin down his core values and personality. he is very flippant about most things outwardly even if he cares deeply. doyun!! is!! a!! fuckboy!! but not in like the toxic sense (he drinks his respect women juice tyvm) he will flirt with anyone willing and able but he is very clear about drawing the no-relationship boundary from the start. he won't lead you on. despite all his flaws, doyun is highly compassionate. it takes him a while to warm up to people fully, but once he does, you're in his circle for life. he is not shy about his affection either, platonic or otherwise. he's clingy, he's needy, he will annoy you, and you need a high tolerance for bullshit and stupidity, but doyun will fight your bullies and kiss your booboos. about the only thing doyun excels at is his encyclopedic knowledge of 80s and 90s music and ball sports. do not ask him to cook, do not ask him to fix something around your house, do not ask him the time of day, he absolutely will fuck it up. he isn't book smart (at all, like did not even graduate high school), but he is incredibly emotionally intelligent. doyun can walk into any room and almost with 100% accuracy read the vibes. tl;dr: he's a big-headed moron with a big fat bleeding heart. he doesn't know a lot and won't try to solve ur problems, but he will throw hands for u and make you laugh when you wanna cry.

𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒔 —

to preface everything below, i'm v v big on chemistry first. i love plotting, but it doesn't necessarily work if our characters don't have chemistry to begin with. i tend to lead with quick and fast plotting to see what we can get our characters to do and then we can go into more detailed plotting after, but i'm always willing to discuss things regardless!!

regulars and employees at beat street!

people to teach him modern technology (with lots of patience pls he's stupid)

literally anything else honestly i'm down for a lot. he's really social and really easy to get along with.

[elslittlestories]

The Bad Autistic Batch

I've had this in the back of my head for a while and finaly took the time to write it down. It's a mix of observtions and headcanons I guess? On how I feel like the 4 original members of the Bad Batch are all autistic af!

Tech

The obvious one. He said it himself, his brain doesn’t process thoughts and moments the way most people do.

He has a hard time identifying his feelings and therefore tends to push them away and rely on logic and rational thoughts, which always come easy and loud in his mind.

Very gifted, he’s too smart to care about social rules and never bothered to learn cues and small talk. He was created to solve problems, people shouldn’t expect anything else from him. He comes off as cold and obnoxious to most people, always speaks bluntly without thinking of the effect of his words on the person opposite him. Simply because it doesn’t occur naturally to him that some truth might need sugarcoating.

He’s a self-taught everything, with infinite curiosity and thirst for knowledge. He gets bored fast though and will skip from one subject to another as soon as he feels like he’s mastered it. He’ll get REALLY excited if you ask him questions about anything.

He doesn’t care about his looks, as long as it’s practical, he’s good with any outfits. Although, he’ll wear comfy clothes whenever he can. His hair is kept just long enough so that he can slick them back with gel and get them stuck with his goggles’ headband.

To self-sooth, he relies on his sound databank—he can listen to a record on a loop for hours—and mental games such as counting backward from 1 million with only prime numbers. Tapping on his datapad is probably also a sort of stimming.

Outside of his brothers, he has a hard time maintaining a relationship, may they be platonic or not. To start, he doesn’t really understand the concept of different types of relationships. He’s oblivious to most hints of interest and needs someone—Wrecker—to point it out. He’ll panic, be really awkward about it, overshare to hide his fluster…until he figures out what makes you tick and weaponizes it!

Crosshair

In case there were any doubt, he’s a neat freak. He NEEDS his stuff to be in the right place, as much as he needs routine and discipline to control his stress level. Even though his military training has taught him how to deal with the unexpected, he has a hard time dealing with change.

If given the choice, he’d only wear his blacks. The tightness of the fabric is comforting and he doesn’t have to think about assembling an outfit or whatever. He cuts his hair every week, the same exact way, from left to right, then the backside of his head.

He won’t eat new food unless his hunger is life threatening, not because of sensory issues but because his transit is a bigger drama queen than he is!

He’s the most emotionally immature of the squad and used to have the wildest mood swings. He became good at keeping a stern straight face once he realized people would use it as a way to arm him. He’s also the most stubborn: good luck trying to change his mind on anything.

On a general basis, he hates people. Especially the one that wants to touch him! The only person allowed to hug him is Wrecker, because there’s no stopping him anyway. He may go mute when overwhelmed, hence the number of fights he got himself into rather than have a talk. With time and around the right people, he might get better at dealing with his feelings, but for now it’s easier to just avoid people, since they’re the one causing said feelings.

Maintaining any sort of relationship is close to impossible outside of his brothers. It takes a very special person—like Echo—to get his affection and respect. Romantic feeling are out of his bucket list, he finds the concept of flirting ridiculous anyway. If you want to be with him, just say it! He’ll probably reject you, the man has some heavy attachment/abandonment issues to sort out first. Trust Omega to help with that, so maybe one day…

Wrecker

THE emotionally mature one of the squad! Feelings are always intense for him and he wears them on his face. He’ll cry for anything, but since he can break your spine with his bare hands, people usually don’t make fun of him out loud.

He has huge difficulties in learning practical stuff—he was the last to speak clearly and read—and won’t do anything good with verbal instructions if they go longer than 5 to 10 words. He’s good with his hands, though, and once Tech got him into the marvelous world of explosives, he became unstoppable. Even Tech will admit Wrecker is the expert in the matter.

Another thing he was quick to learn, thanks to his emotional awareness and Hunter’s help, was how to read people. If only to stop being played! It might also be the secret to their squad sticking together despite their differences and hot temper.

He’s very open about needing "autistic joy", such as eating his favorite snack, listening to a song on a loop and watching things blow up. It tends to make him look childish. His brothers are very protective over this and make sure nothing prevents Wrecker to enjoying his sweet nothings.

He loves to isolates for an hour or two, to watch his favorite holovids, but is otherwise very touchy feely. Hugs sooth him a lot when he’s stressed out. If he can’t get one, he’ll rely on singing his favorite tune or repeating a word in his head. He used to do it out loud when he was a kid but it drove his brothers mad so he internalized it.

He can handle a flirt, although he has a hard time catching a hint. It’s easier to notice someone’s interest on others than himself, probably because of his lack of self-esteem. He’d most likely be a very clingy partner.

Hunter

AKA the king of masking. He may look as close to normal as a defective clone can be, in control of himself, but take a step into his mind and you’ll be surprised.

First of all, he has HUGE sensory issues, no doubt worsened by his genetic enhancement. He has learned to tough it out and ignore the strong reaction some textures or smell or sounds causes him to experience. But they tend to turn into stress. He’s constantly devoured by anxiety and fear—of anything from touching that one thing that will overstimulate him so much he won’t be able to function, to making a bad call that cause one of his brother’s death—and there’s no amount of spinning his knife that can sooth it.

He relies on rules and discipline to get a sense of control, even though one might argue his sense of both those concepts is not exactly by the book. It tends to help with tuning down his emotions as well. Just like every sensory input is loud to him, his feeling can be deafening and mastering them was mandatory to become the squad leader.

It was with that in mind that he became an expert in social behaviors. Mostly unconsciously, he studied everyone around him to learn how to hold himself and how to read the room. Despite him being naturally introverted, you’ll often find him chatting with the various captains his squad was assigned to work with. Told you, he’s a king of masking.

On the rare occasions he failed to contain his emotions—bursts of anger on the battlefield aside—it came out loud and violent. Took Wrecker to squeeze him in his arms for Hunter to calm down.

One thing he couldn’t learn this way is flirting. He can’t do it for his life, despite being the receiver of numerous attempts from various species. Maybe it’s because of his sensory issues, but the idea of sex is of no appeal to him and he has never felt something strong enough to be called romantic love. That stuff is just not for him, he feels contempt with his brothers and Omega.

Oh, and the bandana is just an excuse for no easy hair routine. Give him one reason to get out of his armor and blacks, and he’ll slip into floppy clothes in a heartbeat.

Last but not least, all four of them have a STRONG sens of justice—although sometime missplaced—and prefers staying home rather than being anywhere else, wherever home may be.

[hisui555]

Hazbin Hotel Thoughts : Alcohol 3 !

Part 1 (Hazbin crew) here

Part 2 (Vees + Overlords) here

Masterpost here

Now lessee how well Heaven can hold up its booze. While Ep 6 implies there's no (or very few) alcohol in Heaven, there's this funny concept called "let's pretend". Again, as seen with Charlie and Vaggie, part-angel or fully angelic people aren't immune to alcohol, so, let's go !

First of all, Emily, and I think that the complete irony is that she can hold it even better than Charlie. Ten glasses and she'll still be standing, excitedly asking for more - might even find the experience a brand new one and enjoyable, blissfully unaware of what awaits the common mortals after that (being a Seraphim, she ain't a common mortal). I peg her for the "curious" type of drunk, constantly asking the living hell out of everything and what's this, what's that, why is that guy falling flat on his face and not getting up ? Nor moving ? For hours ? but also hyper and super-excited. She already loves everyone and everything as her sober self, imagine when tipsy. Sliding down further that wonderful realm of drunken stupor might also make her the "sleepy" type, but contrary to Carmilla's "tired" drunk type, she's just yawning and wanting a nap, instead of being exhausted with everything.

Her filter pops like a cork, but given that her demeanor is mainly positive, she'll just shower everyone with praise and love, and at worst embarrass herself with oversharing - a bit of Anna's attitude around Hans in Frozen - so expect a lot of verbal backspace and realizing mid-sentence what she's currently saying, try to cover it up, only to have another slip of the tongue. I think she'll start to feel something around her 10th glass, and by the 16th or so be definitively at least tipsy, but might surprise everyone by tanking a full bottle before giggling at the pretty colors on the ceiling.

And as much just for irony, Sera won't be able to hold that well. She'll struggle to keep her head screwed on straight and try to maintain her usual poise, only to burst out one hysterical laugh ("HA !") at something at the least expected moment, and then snap back to regal and dignified again. While not a total lightweight either, she'll throw in the towel earlier than Charlie, so maybe she has around Vaggie's tolerance. Both the "tired" and "mood-swinger" type of drunk, in a sense that a constant battle to keep up the façade exhausts her pretty quick, and control slips, showing sudden bursts of wheezing hysteria. She'll sway a bit in the air, wings discoordinated, and might have trouble with distance estimations : grabbing something a wee bit too much to the left and patting around to grip the next glass. Might launch into lectures into the void, or talk to herself, both as an effect of the alcohol and to try to focus on something. Most of the time, people don't even peg her for drunk because "drunk" and "Sera" don't compute in their minds, but when you know where to look, you can see the signs that she's definitely wasted.

Might be able to hold 6 or 7 glasses, but by 10 it's over for her. She'll just wander aimlessly and come pretty close to smacking herself into a wall, talking to people that aren't there and being fairly disoriented. Really, the only saving grace is that she doesn't look as stupid as she's feeling, and that nobody will ever believe that the High Seraphim became a high seraphim in the span of an evening : they'll think they were drunk.

Adam. Ha, do I need to say more ? In any case since he's been seen scarfing down food and drinks and pretty much stuffing his face, I'll be lying if I said he isn't a party enjoyer. And he does hold his alcohol pretty well... but less well than he thinks : guy would bet on downing 30 glasses no problems only to get smashed by the 17th or so. Kudos to him, he will reach his 30th, but at that point he's only half-conscious. Verbal coherence goes completely out of the window, luggages included, and physical coherence is not far away, bending over said windowframe to look down and ask how was the landing. This guy is 100% the "rambling" and "complainer" type, because, c'mon, you've seen him when sober, right ? Expect a lot of "in MY time" and "when I was alive" comments, also being the "flirting" type (except nobody can make out what he's slurring, it's as if he's talking sideways from his mouth and sounds like a walking blooper reel) to various results. At its worst, and most inebriated, just before passing out and forgetting this ever happened, he'll also be the "crying" type, all insecurities coming back up, and suddenly the First Man looks like a sobbing child in search for a mother figure (Sera is the unfortunate target), spouting out all what he finds unfair (be it justified or not) and how nobody listens to him nor stays, and that they should obey because he's the dickmaster, and that has to count for something, fucking dammit. (...I didn't expected the swerve into sad, then the even heavier counter-swerve into stupid. Wow.)

However, to get to that point, you'll have to pass layers and layers of "agressive" drunkness, because Adam, being Adam, is gonna look at the lights on the ceiling and decide to fight them, because nobody's supposed to shine brighter than him. That's from glass N° 10 onwards, more or less. And you better let him think he outlasted everyone, or you'll have a whiny bratty fratbro on your hands.

Lute, well. Lute wouldn't want to drink, because Lute is an angel and angels aren't that unbecoming, but Adam already handed her a few and coaxed her into it. It could go both ways : first route, she has uncanny resilience and while managing a tipsy state around 20th shot or so, never really gets to the point of being outright sloshed. Or second, and funnier route : she isn't used to it and is an actual lightweight. Imagine Lute, drunk off her monochrome ass, saluting at nothing and thinking she's in a training session where the 'enemy' has drugged her, and takes on fighting her own chair because it looked at her weird. She'll mix up locations for sure, fuck up distance estimations, pounce on everything, and literally Adam has to be the responsible one for once (with one or two stupid comments of "yeah, women can't hold alcohol" while Emily is drinking him under the table). She'll still be deadly with a weapon, but that's more years of training and her body being honed to the point of it being automatic - because if she had to count on her fuzzed brain and cross-eyed sight alone, she wouldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo. However, she might also show her more affectionate side to those she likes (like Adam), and definitely be less composed overall, but not relaxing, because Lute wouldn't know relaxing even if she were to be drowning in a beanbag on a nice summer day with a cat on her stomach.

On the second route, 5 glasses and she's toasted, three more and it's over for her. "Violent" and "agressive" type for sure in all cases, though, with a side dash of "sour" and sprinkles of "confronting" sprayed over.

St-Peter would tell you that he doesn't remember being ever drunk in his existence, and he'll be right, because the keyword is remember : he'll go from sober to blackout torched while skipping all intermediate steps after one or two glasses. The guy just blips out of consciousness like the last spark of intelligence behind a Queef's eyes : poof ! gone. His alcohol tolerance would be in the negatives, and the problem is, he doesn't even know it, since he can't ever recall whatever happened. And for fun, nobody tells him, because it's so amusing to watch him eagerly want to participate in the common merriment, even shyly accept a drink to join, then observe the phenomenon the moment he downed the glass : frame one, he's sitting and conscious, frame two, he's very much not anymore, on both accounts. And then wake up, remember nothing, get invited to the next party, and doing it all over again. At least Niffty can boast being awake (even if not really aware) and active, but St-Peter will just go out like a lightswitch.

After a while - and once the fun subsides - people take pity on him and try to experiment with hybrid drinks (mundane + alcohol), but the only effect it achieves is apparently for his mind to spirit away from his body, and he'll just stay there sitting like a statue, smiling into nothing with a thousand yard stare. They call it "good enough" and throw a sheet on him, because the soulless staring can get creepy. Usually, they'll prepare non-alcoholic mimics of the real deal for him from then on : a party's only a good party if everyone has fun, after all.

Aaaand that's a wrap ! Hope you enjoyed !

Again, Masterpost here.

[ocularmacdown]

my dtamhd thoughts? oh, why thank you for asking! yeah, i only have a few, but uhh- *drops a towering stack of papers in front of you on the desk*

i really, really liked this episode. maybe it’s because i wasn’t going into it with set expectations or hopes, maybe it’s because dennis is not my number one blorbo and so his development is more fascinating to me rather than a personal/emotional investment. either way, to me this episode was a fucking winner and i have so many thoughts that haven’t even formulated yet. the writing is incredibly well-paced, subtle enough that the twist is not immediately obvious, yet explicit enough that watching it a second time, the clues are right in front of you the whole time. it’s fucking clever, and for me personally, it does justice to dennis’s very specific brand of mental health issues/neurodiversities/trauma/etc etc.

first of all, i’ve seen people saying they’re disappointed, that they wanted to see dennis fall to his knees or scream himself hoarse or crawl into mac’s arms with his tail between his legs. but…,..like.,..i mean..,,,.he literally tore a man’s heart out of his chest? and then crushed it with so much force that it becomes a diamond? and then he ATE it? with blood running down his arms and the sun haloing him and the watch on his arm lit up red for “danger, you’re in danger, you’re a danger to yourself”? that is so explicit and so raw and so powerful. me personally i am chewing through concrete slabs.

he takes his heart - his core, his feelings, his very self - and controls it so fiercely, so violently, just so that it might be something of worth. something precious and valued and beautiful and rare. and what forms diamonds, pointed out in this exact episode? coal. objectively seen as cheap, and worthless, and nothing much at all. dennis’s heart is coal, to him. fuel to a fire of rage. so he tries to make it something better. not by nurturing it, tending to it like a garden.

instead he crushes it.

and then he eats it.

i don’t know what else you could want tbh.

i’ve also seen people say that it wasn’t an accurate depiction of mental health issues? i don’t even know what to say to that like. are you yourself dennis reynolds? are actually him, down to a T?? or are you a totally different person with different life experiences and brain functions and trauma and personality and expression of self?

characters are not made to reflect individual people and their experiences - they are separate from us, and us from them. we can look to them to find similarities, but they can only be as relatable to us as we are to everyone around us. this episode is quite literally an insight into the fact that actually, dennis doesn’t show his rage, or any of his feelings, and the way that he experiences his emotions is wholly and totally different from others. sure, he allows outbursts over minor things - sounds that irritate him, insults against his car, women as a concept, all the fucking apps - but nothing that really, truly matters. it’s about control. control, control, control. a grasp on his anger so so tight it’s a vacuum, a cavern of pressure.

maybe your experience of mental health is totally different to that, and i sympathise that not seeing yourself reflected on screen can be and is frustrating. but. if i may overshare a touch on tumblr dot com, oversharing central, then..,,..he just like me fr fr.

as someone who has never related to dennis reynolds at all in the history of the show and is different to him in every objective way, this episode got me. i felt seen. it’s not about mental health as huge outbursts that everyone sees and sympathises with, not all the time. it’s not about sadness or pain or misery, not all the time.

it can be about anger. anger as an emotion you can feel so intrinsically and powerfully. anger that you don’t understand and you shouldn’t be able to control because it’s so fucking strong. but you do you do you do. because you just have to. there’s no rational reason behind it; you’re just angry and you just don’t show it. not when it really matters, anyway. you have a moment of private catharsis, deep inside yourself, an upwelling of frustration and rage that feels like a day but you quench in seconds. and then you move on.

so yes, it’s an accurate depiction of mental health, and i’m not elaborating further than that. i imagine someone else *cough @sewerkingcharlie cough* could probably go into dennis’s psycho-demographic and history and how that effects his mental health far better than i ever could anyway.

me personally, i am. obsessed with the insane surrealist route they went down. expressions of deep emotional pain are only understandable via sobbing breakdowns if you have no critical media skills or appreciation of several major art movements of the last hundred years. once again, he tore out his heart and crushed it into something else with his own fist and then ate it.

looking at the journey the episode takes as a whole, it’s so so incredibly fucking clever. it’s set up as though it’s a journey narrative that will end with a big emotional expression a la mac finds his pride or the gang carries a corpse; it’s pretty much what we all expected, i think, to be able to observe dennis and his inner emotions at a closer range, from one side of a two way mirror.

but during that insane scene, we are actually allowed inside his head - not just an observation into his mind through the lens of spectatorship study, but into dennis’s broken perception of reality, from his point of view, intra-diegetic. we are inside his head looking at everything around us, trapped in the laboratory of his mind. is not the clean cut, easy-to-analyse narrative and visuals we saw before of dennis getting more and more frustrated until his breaking point; the world in his mind has twisted and deformed into one that no longer makes sense to us the spectator, but does make sense for him, for dennis.

mac and charlie were able to express their emotions outwardly with another person present. they were grounded in reality because that is how they experience emotions of that level and intensity. that is by no means to say that what they felt in those moments are is any less intense or extreme or soul crushing as dennis, only that they experience both their inner emotions and the world around them in different ways to him.

dennis internalises as much as he possibly can, pouring into himself rather than out. he can only hold so much, the pressure builds, his insides contort and shift to make room, he keeps pouring.

his innards no longer makes sense.

his feelings are physical, they’re his organs, and they’re worth something, worth so much, but they’re simultaneously just the food he consumes.

he consumes, he internalises, everything’s within him.

he was never going to have an emotional outburst. that’s not his catharsis; it would change him too much fundamentally.

everything channels inwards. it’s too much but at least it stays inside. even his breakdowns happen within. he keeps the lid of the pressure cooker on.

Dennis Does Not Take A Mental Health Day.

[evansblues]

Chris Natal

Chris I have an exact birth time for so my observations about the areas of his life affected by his placements are NOT somewhat hypothetical like Alba’s and the degrees are also reliably accurate. 

Chris has his Saturn conjunct Jupiter in his 10th house Libra. This is his fame. It is both his biggest blessing and the area where he is the luckiest (Jupiter) and his greatest limiter and source of karma (Saturn). He was meant to be famous and to learn from it. He also has his North Node in Leo 8th house so he is meant for conspicuous greatness that transforms him and others. The asteroid fama (fame) is conjunct his North Node so he will have more fame the more he embraces his fame. I will refer to his Saturn-Jupiter conjunction as his fame placements for this reading since they are the ones with planets. 

All of those red lines from that Saturn-Jupiter apex are the areas of his life his fame complicates or just outright fucks up. Starting in the first house he has Neptune in Sag. It’s retrograde just like Alba’s. People project onto him and he identifies with their projections and internalizes them. They have that in common, people don’t see them for them they see what they want to see. This placement is sextile his Pluto and Juno in the 11th, both retrograde, so these illusions give him semblance of control in social situations and with the great hunts for the FS. He isn't’ lying about looking for her, it’s here in the 7th house. His Gemini Sun and Mars are in the 7th house. He needs a partner to fully realize himself (Sun) and his drive/ambitions (Mars). Mars is also his sex drive, Mars in Gemini is fuckboi energy. However, Mars is in opposition to his Uranus-Ascendent conjunction in Scorpio. He feels guilty about being a fuckboi. He has Lilith and the Moon in 12th house Scorpio which is a lot of feels about sexuality and his emotions and it’s also mommy issues. She sexualizes him, which we know is true because she does interviews about how she’s proud he’s the SMA. WTF? 

These are deep, 12th house Scorpio feels so he gets away from them by being a social butterfly in all its Gemini glory. You see the opposition? His Uranus-Ascendent conjunction makes him rebellious and different. He likes being different, he feels called to it because it’s his AC and his Moon is there but the social Gemini in him is very conscious of when he’s not fitting in.He is a very deep, brooding thinker. Scorpio and Gemini are both deeply invested in knowledge and finding the meaning of things. The Moon in the 12th Scorpio means he’s likely very interested in topics of Occult and Imprisonment. The 12th rules confinement. Uranus on the ascendant means he probably really likes the internet. Scorpio and Gemini are in disharmony on how much of studies he shares because Scorpio is very guarded and secretive, his finer moon feelings are there, but Gemini wants to gab. He is likely prone to oversharing in social situations and then feeling exposed later. Then on the other hand he overshares again because his Sun opposite Neptune makes him stressed that people don’t understand and see who he really is. 

His Sun in Gemini is at 22°, the kill or be killed degree and a master builder number. This is how I know he’s serious about finding a partner. He feels it is imperative to who he is and his ability to meet himself that he finds his person. Placements in the 7th house alone can mean you need the interaction of others to fully express them. Gemini is the twins so he wants his other half and the Sun is his sense of self, along with his passion and drive (Mars), he wants his person so he can be truly himself. His Juno (the wifey asteroid)  is also at 22° and trining his Sun, making this harmonious. Juno is also conjunct Pluto (both retro) in the 11th meaning he thinks his wife will not only transform his life but bring transformation, balance and harmony to his social network and his aspirations.

 Finding his other half is an obstacle though because his Sun squares his fame placements. Being famous makes dating hard. He wants it real bad though. Look at his 8th house. He has his Mercury and Venus intercepted in Cancer. He thinks a lot about love and caring for someone and being cared for. His Pallas Athena is in between them so he is good at nurturing and it gives him strength. When he said “I am looking for someone to pour myself into” he was being two types of metaphorical. He wants someone to take care of and love because of these Cancer placements, and Cancer is also water. Water is enveloping. Cancerian love is like drowning. He is intense, and not just because of the Cancer. What else is water? Scorpio. Those deep feels where his moon is that’s directly trine his Cancer placements. Cancer is ruled by the moon so his 12th house rules his 8th. The fact that Cancer is intercepted adds to the tension. Interceptions are hard to get to. They either need time in life to unlock, like a new level, or they need someone else to activate them. This is why he’s drawn to people with Cancer placements, like Alba, because they activate that part of him that he struggles to fully connect with but really wants to. It’s his Mercury, he thinks about it all the time. Mercury rules Gemini, where his ego and drive are so he is HIGHLY motivated. But what do his Cancer placements square yet again? The fame conjunction. 

The way I read this with Cancer and his North Node in his 8th house is that he needs to unlock his Cancer in order to fully realize his North Node because they’re together in the house of transformation and the Node takes work and time. He will have learned to be the Leo king himself earlier in life but then once he finds his partner he will be able to lead others and transform them as well. He is destined for much more. Stay tuned. 

[qqueenofhades]

Hi, do you have any tips on telling professors you’re dealing with depression? Like is it helpful to include details? Symptoms? It’s getting to the point in the last few days where I need to tell them something because I have assignments piling up and the symptoms I’m experiencing are getting pretty intense.

If It helps I think I’m dealing with atypical depression just based on how I relate to the symptoms list (leaden paralysis, oversleeping, severe rsd, can’t focus on anything even more than usual, just feeling an overwhelming physical emptiness in my brain). Ive been doing ok when I’m in class and I feel better then too, but when it’s done, as soon as I get home or am just you know trying to do my assignments or anything, it’s like a curtain falls on me. This has been creeping up on me for the last few weeks and I can recognize the circumstances that lead me here, but I feel like I’ve crossed a threshold in the last week from just having these worries and thoughts I could control to now this full blown physical Depression Experience that has control over me.

I don’t want to overshare so to speak and make my professors uncomfortable or permanently see me differently, but I also desperately want to be believed and accurately convey how disabled I feel right now in a practical sense. Just writing this all out to you took so much effort. I’m not really sure what to even ask for beyond extending my assignments to this weekend. This depression is so unlike what I’ve experienced in the past and I really don’t know where it’s going or what to expect. A part of me is hoping I’m just going to feel normal again in a few days but I can hardly think more than a few days out anyway.

I know all teachers are different but what would you want to hear and be ok with hearing from one of your students? What would you want to know?

Thank you so much for reading this and for any advice. I’m really sorry to just dump all of this here, I’m just not really sure where to turn right now. Please of course don’t feel pressured to answer. Thank you for your lovely blog and self. ❤️

Ooof. First of all, thanks for coming to me and I'm sure it took a lot of effort to put that together. I know that all-consuming, black-hole depression feeling, and it's not fun.

Here's what I would do:

First, reach out to your student counseling/health services center as a matter of priority. Almost every university has one, and they encourage you to take advantage of them. If that takes too much effort to do when you're in a funk, try to do it when you're on campus or have a little more energy. Say that you're really struggling and need to come in for an urgent appointment -- you don't need any more info than that, and they should be responsive/proactive about following up. There might also be a crisis line or priority email where you're assured a response in a certain amount of time.

Next, please do contact your professors and let them know what's going on! Here's a sample email for you:

Dear Dr. [Name],

I'm writing today to let you know in confidence that I'm experiencing severe mental health difficulties, which have been growing worse over the last few weeks and are negatively affecting my ability to participate in class. I am reaching out to the university counseling centers and other resources, but I am not feeling well at all and hope that you will be able to make adjustments to the deadline for [exam/project/paper etc -- fill in as necessary].

I will do my best to complete my work as expected, but please let me know if it is possible to arrange a meeting [via phone or Zoom if you don't want to come in], and discuss my options. I would like to know about the possibility of an incomplete grade or other ways to [pause/resolve/work with] my status for this semester.

I do apologize for any inconvenience, and hope that you'll be able to provide me with understanding and support in this difficult matter. I very much appreciate your time and consideration.

Best wishes,

[Your Name]

Hopefully, you can just copy and paste that with a minimum of effort, tweak it as necessary, and send to them. You can also reach out to the Disability Services office (as every university is required to have one) and see if accommodations can be made/allow you to complete work at a later date. If it's really bad, you also have the right to contact the university registrar and arrange for a leave of absence.

Anyway, this is to say: you have options to take care of yourself and make sure that the people around you know what is going on and can help develop a plan to deal with it, so please do take them! I know how awful and draining it feels, but if you need any other advice, please let me know, and I will do my best to answer. If you have a Tumblr account and want to DM me privately with more details, like the name of your university etc, I can also look for these resources and give you the information, so as to minimize the amount of pressure and extra work on you.

Hugs. <3

[ohkate]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

Thank you for the tag, @energievie, @juliakayyyyy, @jrooc, and @such-a-barbarian for the tag love.

-----

name: I grew up in a time where you weren't supposed to give out your real name online, so Kate Jones became my alias based on the show 'Alias' and I've used it since.

zodiac sign: Libra

fuzzy socks or fuzzy blankets? blanket because I don't like socks. I don't like being too hot. I walk around barefoot almost all the time.

do you enjoy winter? I would enjoy it more if I didn't have to fear dying because I have to go to work. For my job, I don't understand why we can't stay home on snow days. I have a job where I can work entirely from home but, no, can't have that.

what’s your comfort book or movie? John Wick is a big one. I also love any mystery/suspense movies.

what’s your favorite way to wind down after a long day? I love marathoning tv shows. I like having a new episode waiting for me when I get home. I also love hellishly hot showers.

tell me something you like about yourself: I have no 'embarassing' gene, lol. I'm on the autism spectrum, and I'm super direct. It's not always a good thing, but I think it is for me because I don't let things fester. But there's no topic too taboo and there's nothing I won't talk about in public or with strangers.

I've learned to pick up on some queues from people so I try not to be rude, but I have no problem with people oversharing with me and vice-versa. Someone, somewhere decided we shouldn't talk about things out of some sense of decorum that some uptight dude in a suit probably came up with to control his wife, so I like that I'm not ashamed of things.

There's never an elephant in any room I'm in because I want to pet it, so I point it out right away! favorite artist? Flavio Zaark is my favorite sculpture artist. I couldn't choose a musician. I like movie scores. Hans Zimmer, Carter Burwell, Thomas Newman, Max Richter, M83, Zach Hemsey… I could go on for days. how do you practice self-care? A few years ago, I stopped arguing with stupid people. I just don't want to spend the energy on it. The earth is flat? Sure, fine. No problem. Good luck to ya. what’s a song that makes you feel joyful? The Nothing Song by Sigur Ros.

a book you want to read this year: I'm sticking with fanfic. I've read such a plethora of dramatic Ian/Mickey fics this year that I think I'd like to have some well-written, fun or funny fics that just make you smile at the end.

what advice would you give your younger self? Put every penny toward buying a house because, even though you may not ever want one, you will prefer it over what you are dealing with. You'll be stuck paying 2500 bucks a month for an apartment where you are living with crackheads and rapists and you get almost no sleep because of neverending music.

and finally, you’re given a plane ticket to anywhere in the world, no strings attached. where are you going? A food tour of all the Top Chef contestant/judge restaurants with someone who just wants to eat their way around the world and gain twenty pounds.

tagging @callivich, @tsuga-of-mars, @gillyp, @gallawitchxx

[lixenn]

COMES IN TO BOTHER YOU. what was the first fic you wrote? do you have any cool keychains/trinkets you carry around? if money and time was no object, what field of study/career would you pursue? what is a book youre currently reading?

WOW SO MANY QUESTIONS I LOVE IT!!

Let's get you some answers then:

First fic

... Already stumped at that one, because damn my memory is so fucking bad. I can't even ruffle through my documents on laptop because when I first started writing I had a different one and I'm not sure if I transfered all the files when I upgraded.

*tries to make the brain do the thinking thing*

I think actually my first try at anything fanfic like was with my super cringy self-insert thing into the Percy Jackson universe. I didn't even know fanfic was a thing at the time and I'm pretty sure I deleted that document because it went absolutely no where, so yeah that was probably it. I was and still kinda am pretty obsessed with Uncle Rick's work, so it's no surprise to me that I tried my hand at writing fanfic without knowing the concept even existed. However I wouldn't be able to tell you what that story was about even if you put a gun to my head so I can't really give you much detail.

Cool keychain/trinkets

Unfortunately no cool keychains for me, I have a heart shaped one my mum got me from her trip to Berlin but that's pretty basic. As for trinkets? Do earrings count? Because I have some pretty dope sword earrings.

The keychain situation might change though, because my friend is going to Japan in May and he promised to get me a souvenir, so maybe I'll have a cool KHR keychain soon (might get something else though who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Field of study/career

It's a toss up between Writer and Owner of Small Crochet Business. I would love to spent my day just being creative and making stuff. I do like science and I think with all the time I invested in my studies I can say I'm not bad at it but it's not my passion. Like, learning about new stuff is fun and I certainly can do experiments and data analysis but give me the option to simply chill on my couch/bed and just create, I would choose it over science every single time.

I'd probably need to get a better grip on scheduling my day because I realized having a strict routine does wonders for my mental health but otherwise just let me make stuff and I'll be happy.

BOOKS

*stares at all the books in my shelf that I've started but currently don't have the energy to read*

...

You want me to choose just ONE?

Well, if we take the one I read the most recently it's Assisstant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Meahrer. It's a cozy fantasy romance, easy to read and quite funny at times. I liked the premise so I picked it up and I'm over half way through but my brain is so focused on writing right now, I don't really have the motivation to read (which is very strange since normally it's the other way around.)

Other titles that are gathering dust in my self:

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch; also funny but in a more serious way, very heavy on the worldbuilding which is awesome but it takes a lot of brainspace so I put it on hold for now.

As Good as Dead by Holly Jackson; I binged the first two books in the trilogy in a day, but this one a bit darker than the others (which makes sense because shit happened) and I need to be in a certain brainspace for that.

The colour of magic by Terry Prachett; I read a lot of Discworld as a kid but I read it in German. This book is my first try reading Prachett in his original glory and it's actually a bit difficult, because again very heavy on the worldbuilding.

I know you only asked for one book, but I'm a chronic oversharer and you asked about BOOKS okay?! I'm bad at controlling myself when it comes to book discussions, so be glad I just kept it to four examples, I could have listed more!

[bloodycreaturee]

hi! i know you've said before that you relate a lot to mike wheeler and i'd love to hear more about that or why you relate to him? if that's not too personal or uncomfortable?

sorry if that's weird i just love hearing people talk about their favorite characters and why they mean so much to them ya know?

HI sorry i saw this the other day and forgot to reply to it 😭

kinda oversharing under the cut

but basically i just relate to him the most out of the other characters (max is 2nd and will is 3rd).

i feel like mike self sabatoges a lot which is like. something i also do a lot, unfortunately. like for example in his monologue to el (which i think is for the most part bullshit 💀), he tells her that he didn't tell her he loved her because he was scared that when he did, she wouldn't need him anymore and it would make the day that happened hurt more. i take that as him pushing away the people he cares about because he's scared of the day they'll leave him and it makes him feel like he's in control, but really it just makes things worse. which brings me to both of us having ✨️ abandonment issues ✨️

he also just never knows when to shut the fuck up sometimes (i love him but mike sweetie please stop). sometimes he just says things in the heat of the moment and out of defensiveness and ends up saying things he regrets immediately. he hurts the people he cares about without meaning to and then beats himself up about it (same)

he's a pretty loud and outspoken person (which can't relate, i'm more like will on that end since i'm more introverted and keep to myself), but he's also bad at talking about how he feels (definitely can relate). we both bottle up our emotions and keep to ourselves for the most part when it comes to that, but also he doesn't cry about it all the time and i do so 😭 (#givemikewheeleramentalbreakdownins5)

we both have pretty complicated relationships with our parents. his parents don't really seem to notice how much he's struggling (he's been fighting literal demons for years and they don't even realize it lol). mike's mom has seemed to notice some stuff once or twice (her conversation with him about how he could talk to her about anything in s1 after will went missing) but that's pretty much it if i'm remembering correctly. she's a good mom, just not very present. if that makes sense. and then his dad just makes shitty comments. while my parents definitely aren't ted wheeler level, they can both make comments sometimes that hurt my feelings. they're kinda like karen. parents that care but don't really show it very often. idk. parents can be complicated

also were both gay as FUCK

anyway yeah that's all i can think of rn lol i hope you enjoyed my moment of oversharing on the internet and that that all made sense 😭

[ageofpiracyrp]

Zuytri Pleinru

Another ex-husband, and another fresh start. Twevvin hadn't wanted to join her on The Waystation, and he had started picking up enough bad habits to make a divorce a mutually appealing prospect.

It was 1965 (in Earth years), and Zuytri wanted to become known for something a little more than her pretty face. Of course she wouldn't stop using that to her advantage- Zuytri did enjoy having admires. It was just nice to be something more than that! And she had come up with a pretty good idea. Twevvin had told her to come back to bed instead of working so hard on what sounded like something so risky.

Zuytri had never liked when her spouses got too mouthy. It wasn't becoming of them. They could mouth off to somebody else. Having someone to express opinions further than "this is what I like and don't like to do in bed" was what friends were for. Stars and quasars, she didn't understand why so few people seemed to understand that. And when she explained it to them, even. She had been up front with Twevvin from the beginning. Well, almost the beginning. He'd been a nice little bedmate for a few weeks before she gave him the talk, and he seemed all too happy at the time to shut up and have a good night. And Twevvin had been so close to perfect until he had expressed an opinion further than 'good job, babe' on her professional lifestyle.

Maybe someday she would find the one- someone that would whisper sweet nothings in her ear and only that.

Zuytri had tried dating the people that she actually liked, and it had only ended with her wishing that they had just stayed friends.

But no matter. The thought of Twevvin made her angry, but he would be easy to forget. He would forget too. Although she had signed a prenuptial agreement, she wouldn't leave him helpless and destitute. He wouldn't have to work for another year. Was that how long it took other people to get over her? Zuytri didn't really know.

What Zuytri did know was that the Waystation was going to be marvelous. She had only taken on a few investors- ones that brought both financial and strategic partnerships to the table. She had learned early on that having too many cooks in the kitchen (such a funny little Earth phrase) was no good. It was also incredibly important to Zuytri that she maintain primary ownership of her project. No usurpers. She had been controlled enough in her life.

The largest ship docked in the Waystation right now was not exactly one of her favorites- the first mate of that Erkuss ship The Archetype, Narryet Yogart, had picked a fight with a different member of her staff every day so far, which was both impressive and disturbing. Zuytri had never enjoyed verbal or physical sparring. She avoided her problems whenever possible.

And then the Master Gunner of The Archetype had mistaken her for someone's 'pretty little thing' just because she was a djayyar. But Zuytri needed the guests to be happy because even scummy pirates were going to bring her the income that she needed. She had one of the stewards put that Master Gunner up to a little lecture. Oh- and she had asked housekeeping not to put one of the quaint little Earth chocolates on the muckwash's pillow the next morning. Yeah. That would show him.

If only she were bold enough to do more than push away what she found frustrating.

It was push or pull with Zuytri- never both at once. She'd push for a job, she'd pull away from the scummy client, she'd push the limits on what was doable in a space station, she'd pull back when something seemed too difficult for her to do on her own. There were people who said that she had an iron will, and there were people who thought that she had no backbone to face a conflict head on. Both of those people were right. But Zuytri would never bother to discuss that with anyone, of course. Oh, she could overshare with friends, but getting too analytical about one's self was for private, lonely nights when her bedmate was asleep.

She had to take a trip to Kor'Sel'Koo next week for a photoshoot for DayPowerZurp soon enough, so she could at least pretend that she was taking a vacation. Photoshoots were work, but they did make people say admiring things about her in an environment that she had more control over. It was easier to tell photographers off when Zuytri's face was so good for sales. And she wasn't so mean to them, no.

Maybe she'd find a pretty Far'Ly'Dae on Kor'Sel'Koo that looked nothing like Twevvin and had nothing but pretty things to say. Wouldn't that be nice?

Or maybe she'd just enjoy a dull night listening to the Marrichuk family's singalongs that they invited Zuytri to every time she visited them. While most of them were on Erkuss, there were enough on Kor'Sel'Koo to invite her to sing their terrible banjo music. But at least it was something to do that only hurt in a musical way. At least it felt like she was part of something for a night that she could walk away from.

Twevvin thought the best part of her was the one that withdrew from conflict and was just a model. And yes, Zuytri was a model. She was an incredible model. But she was going to be the one to make the Waystation work, and make something that could shake up the galaxy more than just her pretty face and winning smile. Because only Zuytri understood herself, and that was the way it would always be.