#just like how adhd meds helped but didn’t fix me

[sparklingspite]

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[carlsangel]

CARL GRIMES HEADCANONS

(for midsize!adhd!fem!reader.)

tags:fluff! some suggestiveness

masterlist here!

hiii this is for one of my fav moots @elisiassideb1tch ILYY

✦ Carl would watch you stare at yourself in the mirror after getting dressed, rotating back and forth to see how your clothes fit you. He knows how much you can over think and how self conscious you could get and as much as he loves you, he hates it. So, he’ll come up behind you and snake his arms around your waist, pulling you back against him. His hug is tight and loving but he’ll places kisses all over the back and side of your neck as he tells you how beautiful you are.

✦ He would always remind you to take your meds and to ensure you don’t forget, he’ll drag you to the kitchen everyday at a specific time. He’d get you a snack beforehand and when it’s time to take your pills he sits you up on top of the counter. He’ll get you a large glass of water and your meds and stand between your knees as he watches you swallow them, his hands running back and forth over your thighs. He’ll tell you how proud of you he is and kiss all over your face.

✦ Whenever you get really overwhelmed or panicked, he’ll sit you down wherever you are and remind you to breathe. He’ll gently rub your arms or your thighs, just watching you. Once you catch your breath he’ll reassure you sweetly. “You’re okay, everything’s okay. It’s just you and me. Nothing else.” Once you’re completely calm he’ll ask once again if you’re alright. When you nod he’ll hold your face in his hands and place a gentle kiss to your forehead.

✦ If you get irritated at him or any situation, you’ll isolate yourself. He’ll wait somewhere nearby so you know he still cares about you and cares about fixing the situation. He’ll either sit on the opposite side of the bed, maybe the opposite side of the room or the door. He’ll wait for you to come to him first and when you do he’ll ask if you’re ready to talk about it. If not he’ll just sit in your presence a bit longer until you are.

✦ In bed if you guys are relaxing or if you’re coming down from certain activities, he’ll tend to run his hand over your belly. He absolutely loves it. He loves the squishy skin, he loves kissing it and feeling you. He also knows how much you hate it which makes him love it even more. He especially loves doing it when you get cramps.

✦ When I tell you, this man ADORES your thighs. He absolutely loves them. He could be doing anything at all and he could be touching your thighs, holding them, literally anything. Whenever you’re anxious he’ll squeeze them gently, sometimes a bit hard to try and soothe you. He lovesssss kissing them when you guys get really intimate, occasionally he’ll leave hickeys on them too. Whenever you’re relaxing he’ll rest his head on them because they’re like plush pillows to him.

✦ Carl knows you hate being alone, a lot of the time when you’re alone you tend to overthink and he hates it. He’ll drag you with him everywhere. He has to go on perimeter watch? He’ll take you to keep him company. He wants to go to the woods? He’ll take you with him. Even the other way around, if you wanna go somewhere he’ll follow you. He loves to be with you always, you’re his favorite person.

✦ He’s always able to tell when you’ve hit a depressive episode. He thinks of all your favorite things but he knows how much being outside can help you. He’ll help you get showered up and ready to go out. He’ll take you out on walks, especially at night so you guys can be alone. You’ll watch the stars together and he’d tell you how much he loves you over and over.

✦ He’ll always listen to you and never discourage you. He understands how your brain works and he sort of adapted himself to systems that you use to make your life easier just so he can help you better handle your adhd. He almost never tells you no to anything, if he has to put up a boundary he’ll do it very gently and reassure you that you didn’t do anything wrong in any way. He makes sure you don’t feel bad etc.

a/n: MADSSS THANK U FOR REQUESTING you’re request is so sweet and so well put together ilysm >_< i’m sosososo sorry these took forever to get out but they were really fun for me to write!!! i actually am realizing now i like writing headcanons HAHAH okay that’s all bye<3

tag list: @zomb-1-egutzz @lunarnightt @ilikestrawberriesandwomen @hiro--aoki @h00d-tr4sh

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Hi! I wanted to answer the anon who was asking about what ADHD meds do & don’t help with as someone who was late-diagnosed and started meds this year. However, the effect of ADHD meds and even experience of ADHD itself varies heavily from person to person, so do keep that in mind!

DO:

- Actually hearing and retaining what people are saying. I was never able to fully experience a college lecture without panic because of only hearing bits and bobs of the lecture, going in one ear and out the other. I can truly focus and actually respond to what people are saying in a single line of thought without desperately trying to stimulate myself as much as possible to maybe get 1/2 of the detail to stick in my brain.

- Time blindness!! At first starting meds it felt like the day went for 500 years. I felt so much slower and mentally calmer, and I was able to complete “simple” tasks in under 15-20 minutes that could normally take me up to 3 hours due to distractions.

- Memory! Off my meds I have an enormously hard time remembering anything I’m trying to accomplish. I bounce from task to task without ever finishing it. On meds I’m able to think “I need to do laundry” and I just. Do the fucking laundry. It’s magical and I’ve cried more than once thinking about how much I’ve spent my life thinking I’m stupid or lazy for not being able to “just do the thing” like everyone else.

- Shutting down/fearful procrastination— I would be stuck doing nothing for days and days because I would want to do a task so badly but overly think about it and essentially paralyze myself in the decision making/getting started process. When I’m on my meds I can just do the fucking thing! Even if I don’t really feel like it! When before I practically had to have the exact perfect circumstance and could never create them, I can just plop myself somewhere and do the fucking thing. Just like I’ve been told all my life— “Even if you don’t want to, do it anyways” except now I have the actual ability to do that like everyone else. Before it was like everyone else was telling me to turn on a light, but I had no switch.

DON’T:

- Help with hyperfixation. Sometimes I can fixate even worse when I’m on my meds, just because my mind is so single stream that I’m able to do things for even more excessive periods. I burn myself out accidentally a lot quicker if I don’t provide myself with manual distractions to take breaks from daily/academic tasks.

- Immediately fix you. It was hard to start meds because I had to unlearn a lot of habits I had developed to cope with my undiagnosed ADHD— such as constantly moving, stimulating myself, having candy, etc. Just because the day became longer didn’t mean my time management became awesome either. I’m still working on tools that help ADHD with my meds!

- Not really a don’t but more so an unexpected side effect was becoming very intensely angry or upset when the medicine wears off. I struggle with emotional dysfunction already but the anger was so severe and I didn’t know that ADHD meds wearing off can cause that.

- Work 100% all of the time. Some days things like stress, poor sleep, poor diet, etc, can alter the way the same dose of meds works for you. Especially if you are nicotine dependent or a regular caffeine consumer, the way your meds work can change on a day by day basis. Some days I feel like the meds aren’t working at all, but more often than not there’s still a difference between myself being unmedicated and medicated.

- Instantly make you better at studying/task completion. Apparently having ADHD for years made me so extremely avoidant of many things that I just don’t have the skill set to do them well yet. Like studying, for example. I still struggle with extreme perfectionism that impedes me outside of ADHD paralysis.

- I’m gonna say it twice but they DONT FIX YOU ON THEIR OWN. Yes, they make your life fucking way better than before especially if you’re an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, but you have to learn how to use tools and learn skills to support yourself for the medication to help you to the max capability! I will definitely say that being on meds helped overhaul my mindset when I’m off meds and improved my perception of myself, but again, the meds can only get me so far!

I hope this helped anon!!!

Thank you for taking the time to share this! I hope anon sees it 💕

[squid-socks]

Vent✨✨

Y’all…

My brain is so cracked. 😀

At what point do I just give up on diagnoses and just do my best to live and move on?

Cause I’ve been diagnosed with adhd, autism, dyslexia, ocd tendencies, ptsd, depression and anxiety.

None of this has helped. They’re just fucking titles I get to sit with bcs I can’t take any meds due to my other conditions. And the last time I was on Sentraline I genuinely went crazy😀 like didn’t sleep for days crazy. Get drunk all the time crazy.

And now I’m suspecting bipolar. Bcs I go from god mode to kms in literal seconds. Which I thought was my adhd.

How do I fix myself when I feel so cracked😀

How do I integrate myself into society like this??? How do I repair myself when I can’t even start without being violently overwhelmed!?? I get panic attacks from the dumbest shit! I’m scared of every single person I pass. AND J CANT TAKE ANYTHING TO HELP ME WITHOUT FUCKING WITH MY LIST OF CHRONIC ILLNESSES.

My quality of life is shot. It’s dead. WTF do I even do from here😅😅

[floofysmallbob]

why is it that everyone always frames mental health medication as either this evil thing or as something to “fix” you?

no. absolutely not. mental health medication is a tool, just like wearing glasses, but it can save lives. you can say what you want, say it’s because of other factors, but without medication and therapy, I don’t think I would be alive, and even if I was, I think I would be brain dead from the depression. I’ve gone through periods where I couldn’t even get out of bed because of how bad it was. I at one point had to take a month off of school because my grades were declining because my mental health was going to shit.

a huge part of that was because I was taken off of prozac.

and no, I’m not ‘sick’. I hate the term ‘mentally ill’ so much, because it’s so much different than a sickness. especially when people refer to anyone who takes meds as ‘sick’. it’s one thing if it’s for depression, but for OCD, ADHD, anxiety, that’s not a sickness. that’s not ‘curable’.

medication helps, so so much. it may not work for some people, and you might not find the right prescription first try, and it might not even make you happy, it didn’t for me.

but it takes away some of that hopelessness, of what I call ‘feeling grey’. and if you try to frame medication as this evil, terrible thing, or some way to ‘cure’ people, you’ll only end up hurting more people in the process.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Random updates into the void

At my therapy session this week we were talking about the job and aspects I didn’t like, one of them being the social aspect of now working daily with coworkers and how it takes me quite a long time to warm up and trust people and how “masking” is really draining. They asked if I needed recovery time after being social and I said yes, I cannot socialize with friends or anything after work because I’m just so emotionally drained from simple interactions.

The conversation then went into how I mask and I discussed how at my last job I really started to realize how people tend to treat me a little more harsh than others (at the schools) and I started to realize that the other case workers or parents I crossed paths with, the ones that were bubbly and smiley and conversational got better/quicker help/service.

At that point last year, I talked to my very outgoing friend for advice. I did change a lot with how I interact with others thus making things much more draining and hard. Things like over exaggerating my facial expressions, adding more inflections in my voice, asking how people are even tho I don’t care unless we know each other on that level

Then my therapist started asking more neurodivergent questions. I stopped seeking any treatment about this because I’m told I’m too high functioning in life to have any neurodivergence. Like my psychologist who was refusing to give me adhd meds bc “people with adhd can’t get all A’s in grad school”

Anyway, my therapist thinks I may be autistic and had me do some screenings for it of which all were “high chance of autism diagnosis”

They asked if i wanted to pursue a formal diagnosis or treatment and I said maybe, if it could benefit me. Because I have a tendency to hyperfixate on diagnoses I think I have and I don’t want this to be a hyperfixation again.

They said it would likely explain a lot of the reasons I came to therapy. Questions about my identity, rage outbursts, meltdowns, and social challenges.

I think I will pursue the diagnosis in hopes that I can get some accommodations at work. Mainly for them to okay me wearing noise blocking headphones because it’s one of the only things that can pull me out of a meltdown or prevent things from escalating.

We are not allowed to wear them at work, but was told I can play music quietly at my desk. Unfortunately, when I’m stressed out and starting to get overwhelmed, it’s the immersive experience of the music in noise blocking headphones that help soothe me. It’s also very specific music, but that’s neither here nor there.

Was thinking about this because I’m very overstimulated currently from a few different things and I took my lunch early and I’m sitting here with my headphones and like, instant relief.

Feeling kinda validated because it’s something I’ve suspected for a long time and my symptoms, especially the anger/meltdowns that can really interfere with my daily functioning. I’ve been through so much therapy and my anger is the one thing that I can’t seem to fix. It comes on fast and strong and I couldn’t tell you what triggers it. But maybe there’s another angle it can be tackled from a Neurodivergent lens?

[hazelcephalopod]

Notes on this weeks Greys Anatomy (for fun!)

- Adams is so related to Derrick props to the actor for his performance. Really does give “surfer dude Derrick”

- there is no cure for diabetes, insulin is a treatment which very much doesn’t cure it. However it does ring a bell as to something that I think Bailey was researching; so there may be a cure in their universe, I believe bionics were used? Unfortunately still none in ours.

- Yes! Pay your interns a living wage! Support and help them more!

- tbh as I doubt they are making Jules Aro or anything, soI hope her roommate is at least partially here to meddle in her relationship with Blue.

- dude… truly you are so lucky to be here (alive).

- I mean I guess they can’t reveal it because of HIPPA but didn’t the Tank have like… a atypically terrible rxn to surgery? (He threw a clot that just happens not a whole lot you can do unfortunately)

- Hunt… being Hunt again. And I kinda like him, deeply flawed and s/x just an asshole but he’s got good moments, this is not one of his good moments.

- maybe two limbs at a a time. Compromise!

- Actually though, good on Link. Do not waste time with Hunt and his drama.

- Richard is such a boomer rn. Some of them can barely eat. There! Teddy is right.

- right when I was about to ask “What is up with Adams, ADHD? Something else?” And Uh… McTransplant tells him to ‘fix his ADHD’ (with meds). But his face is giving either “how did he know and wtf can he say that to me?” Or “why does he think I have ADHD? Am I ADHD?”

- well I’m glad they are having this meeting. Actually I’m glad to see them have a meeting about admin and logistics personally.

- Ah Adms did not know he has ADHD. Well, at least he is learning that.

- oh I think I must have forgotten him revealing he was related to the Shepards… lol.

- Yay! Grants! Good for her (and sure good on them we will praise good if just barely what the line should be behavior).

- Oh poor Jules. And her roommate. UTIs are no joke.

- I love the big surgeries but more and more a little part of me wonders “who is paying for this?”

- tonight (or last night) in the Greysverse it is “find out” day.

- Man I hope wing suit guy lives because idk if Link can take another blow to his… anything. (Huzzah! So far he did!)

- “For now” is always a very important addition and again Link good on you for standing up to Hunt.

- Yasuda is like, wtf is going on today? Big win for her and big relatable for “good things happening to me? What?”

- yeah he’s pretty textbook for ADHD with big Executive Functioning issues. This is a neat storyline. Hey they even just used the word neurodivergent, that was weird to hear on this show but good for them. Also good to know that McTransplant also is ADHD, makes his earlier comment not good bust slightly less bad to me. Also is more rep! I’ll take it.

- Webber going to try to convince Helm having learned that uh… she had some real issues being in their program (so many had issues in their very messed up problems).

- I’m so glad Amelia is making all these apologies and amends. I do still fear for her and a backslide though.

- yea Winston’s got a right to still be mad.

[bumblebeerror]

My teeth hurt sometimes, just. In general. They’ve done this a while now, mostly when the weather changes. It starts in my jaw and creeps up my teeth until I can’t chew very well because I don’t want to move my jaw or put pressure on my teeth. It also means sleeping’s difficult, and just. Most things weirdly become a lot more difficult when you don’t want to chew. My jaw’s been like this for a week or so now? I think. I mostly don’t notice it starting until sleeping gets harder.

Anyway, all that to say it’s been a Rough day when it comes to my body and brain working correctly. I woke up when I usually do, took my adhd meds, and then fell asleep for another three hours. I streamed today after talking with some friends, and about a hour after my two hour stream, I just hit a wall. I’m already tired enough to go back to sleep now. Everything is shaky and tender and it’s… such a slap in the face. Sometimes.

Especially because I don’t register pain like this. It doesn’t occur to my brain to interpret it that way. I get tired, I feel pressure more sharply, but I don’t feel pain unless I stop to check in. So if you asked me today what I was feeling… I’d tell you Im tired. I’d tell you I feel shaky and maybe kind of feverish, that my legs dont want to work at any faster pace. I’d tell you my body feels weak and that my neck and head ache, because that’s about the only pain on me that’s sharp, that changes, that waxes and wanes.

And at some point today I finally registered that I was feeling pain. That my hands are shaking because every nerve in them is sending a constant signal. My arms feel heavy and my legs feel wobbly and my joints feel unstable because every nerve is sending a message I can’t read. Its kind of funny, in a way - if I stop focusing on reading that message as pain, it stops registering that way again. Like Francis Freeman, the villian in the first Deadpool movie? One of his powers is not feeling pain.

I’m not sure what my point here really is? I don’t share often, and I don’t enjoy being pitied. I don’t want to feel like someone who needs saving. Your princess is in another castle, all that. I just wanted it written. I keep hitting dead ends and my pcp doesn’t know how to help me. I can’t get disability and I can’t work enough to support myself, so I don’t have much of s choice on whether I stay with my mum - and she can’t afford to pay for my car. And I can feel my body degrading, even if I don’t look at the hours I used to be capable of. I used to work nearly 40hrs a week closing s daycare, keeping up with kids and cleaning the place. Then 25, cleaning a clinic. Now I work 8 cleaning an office, and can’t afford gas to get there. I won’t lie, if I let myself think about it too long, it gets frightening.

I don’t know. I hate dwelling on things I can’t fix, and I loathe feeling sorry for myself. If I can’t make a joke about it, I don’t want to deal with it. But a part of me also doesn’t want what’s happening to me to be forgotten. A part of me wants a record. A part of me wants to be convinced that I’m not… insane? That I’m not faking it, somehow, that I’m actually in pain that I can’t feel anymore. That other people don’t feel this way all the time. That what people told me as a kid, dismissed, that it’s wrong. That they didn’t know I was feeling something bad.

I wish school had taught us practical things. Like how much pain the average non-ill person is every day (none). To this day I still pose questions about it to one of my friends who has an old shoulder injury but no widespread issues like this, just to check.

Ive rambled enough, I think. I’m gonna shower and sleep. Have a good timezone, if you decided to read all that for some reason.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

More Important | Bucky Barnes

✦ pairing — Bucky Barnes x female!Plus Size Reader with ADHD

✦ word count — 1.2k

✦ request — Can i ask you pretty please just whenever you're available to and have some free time do like. Bucky has a soft spot for reader and she has ADHD but isnt on meds and so one day is really bad and she cant seem to do anything right and she gets frustrated with herself and really upset and then Tony or Bruce snap at her and it just upsets her more and so Bucky defends her and takes her out of the situation by either going to her place or out to a dinner or something?

✦ warnings — some angst, Tony snaps at reader, fluff that can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic.

✦ author's note — this is the first time I’ve depicted a neurodivergency in my writing so I would really appreciate some feedback.

════════════════════════

Bucky smiled at you through the glass wall, greeting you as he always did. You waved at him, eyes widening when you saw Sam walking beside him. The sight made you remember you were supposed to fix Sam’s wings.

Shit, why couldn’t you just use the reminders app on your phone? Palming your pocket, you groaned — of course you had forgotten your phone too.

As Bucky and Sam made their way to the lounge, you hurried to the other side. You hoped Steve wouldn’t need Sam for a mission soon, at least not until night.

About to reach the elevator, you crashed against someone. Gasping, you gripped Natasha’s shirt to keep yourself from falling.

She held you by the waist, frowning as she looked at you. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m great! Never been better.”

Not believing you, she tugged on the hem of your top. “Your blouse is backwards.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you hummed. Yeah, sure, that had to happen to you the same day you ruined your favorite blouse with coffee. You forgot that you had stored your clothes the right way for once.

“I’ll fix it,” you mumbled, fluttering your eyes open. You let go of her shirt, yet Natasha didn’t let go of you immediately.

“If you need anything…”

You nodded. “I know, Nat, thank you.”

The bathroom was empty, floors still wet from cleaning. You washed your hands, happy to know Tony had bought coconut soap again. Finally looking at yourself in the mirror, you fixed your blouse. Happy with the outcome, you breathed out in relief.

The tiles around you made the outfit look nice even. You were tempted to stay there, admiring the way the colors complimented each other. It was a pretty sight, calming, startlingly different yet mundane.

Pumping the soap dispenser, you inhaled the coconut scent of the liquid soap and rubbed it over your wet hands, lathering it up. The bubbles lightly tickled their way between your fingers, barely popping as you rubbed your right digits between the left ones.

After washing the remaining bubbles, you dried your hands against your pants and left the bathroom.

An empty laboratory greeted you. The sight was too rare, you were used to being welcomed by Tony — usually with a sarcastic comment and a warm smile.

Approaching your workspace, you heard the code being punched in.

Bruce stuck his head inside the lab, asking, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was about to start working on Sam’s wings,” you explained, pointing to the wings on the table.

“Everybody is in the meeting room. We’ve been waiting for you.”

You walked toward him, hesitating to come out of the lab before following him. Bruce’s steps were hurried which meant the meeting was serious.

Natasha followed you with her eyes as you took your seat next to Tony who tightly smiled at you.

You placed your hands on your lap, joining your fingers. Rolling your thumbs over each other, you fixed your eyes on Steve.

Steve uncrossed his arms and started talking, looking at every single one of you as he did so. His words stopped making sense rather quickly, the topic changed drastically and you weren’t able to follow up — not today.

Tony snapped his fingers in front of your face. “Can you pay attention for two minutes?”

“W— yeah, sorry.”

“I was telling you that I will need you and Bruce to clear your schedules.”

You nodded. What schedule? He surely had faith on you using the planner he gave you, and your reminders app, and the daily email he made FRIDAY send you.

A loud sigh slid past Tony’s lips and he exploded, “I need you focused for this project! Can you do it or not?”

You jumped at the shift in his tone.

"Tony," Bucky warned harshly.

Tony rubbed his hand over his face, growing more and more frustrated. "I know you have a soft spot for her, but this project is important. You just heard Steve, everything depends on that antidote."

"Then get somebody else to help too, it’s not more important than her. She's about to explode!"

“I’m fine,” you croaked, too embarrassed and frustrated to put up with people talking about you as though you weren’t in the room.

Not able to bring yourself to stand up, you made yourself small on the chair and waited for them to continue talking about the mission.

Tony's gaze softened as it fell on your form. “You need a day off?” he asked, ashamed by his outburst. He should’ve known better than anyone how hard some days were.

You shrugged. Bucky answered for you, “Yes, she does.”

Bucky stood up, rounding the table and walking toward you. "Come with me," he told you in a soft voice, offering his hand to you.

“Go,” Tony mumbled.

Knowing that was the closest to an apology you would get from Tony, you dropped your palm on top of Bucky’s.

Bucky helped you stand up even though you didn’t need him to and then opened the door for you to walk out of the room first.

The sun had already set when you left the building. Bucky didn’t let go of your hand yet his grip wasn’t too tight — thankfully because the hustle and bustle in the streets was ringing in your ears.

You wanted to crawl into your own skin and never get out of your flesh cocoon.

“Do you wanna go anywhere in particular?”

“Home,” you managed to say.

He looked at you for a short moment, nodding as he assessed the situation.

════════════════════════

You fiddled with the loops of your jeans as you waited for the brown door to open. The building was quiet in contrast to the busy streets yet the ringing in your ears lingered.

The small door in front of you opened. The old man in front of you smiled in greeting. “Keys?”

You tiredly nodded. “Again,” you said with frustration.

“It’s alright,” the man said, walking past you and leading the way toward your apartment.

Bucky trailed behind you, eyes scanning the area out of habit. He thanked the man at the same time you did for unlocking your door and softly rested his hand on your back to lead you in.

Closing the door, he asked, “Lights on or off?”

“On, but dimmed.”

“Why don’t you change into some—“

You interrupted him, “Sam will need his wings, won’t he?”

“Don’t worry about that now. Tony can fix them.” He then added, “Sam isn’t stupid either, he can fix them on his own. You’re just better at it than him.”

“But Tony is busy already and Sam probably has other stuff to do that isn’t fixing his wings which is my job.”

Bucky draped his now discarded jacket on the arm of the couch. “You had a bad day, okay? That happens to all of us, you think Sam won’t understand?” Before you could answer, he said what you didn’t let him finish earlier, “Change into something comfortable and I’ll order us some food.”

“You don’t have to make me company if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” he assured you. “Tony was right when he said I have a soft spot for you. Now go.” He nodded upward at the door he knew to be your bedroom’s. “Take your time.”

[batwritings]

please bat i just want different soft schlatt ideas bro- i read the difficulty sleeping one and just hhhh-

the reader being super restless in the night and constantly walking around and pretty much refusing to sleep and schlatt comes in and helps them get all their energy out and the reader crashes and schlatt carries them to bed :3 with my adhd being restless in the night is very common and it would be nice to read something about it to make me feel better

please give me something please <3

Okay but this is literally me today? I got three hours of sleep and instead of laying in bed I'm sitting waiting to get my hair cut before I go get meds and hair dye. 😂 Enjoy!~

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"And this one goes here," you mumbled to yourself, putting files and folders in their respective spots. While Schlatt said you wouldn't have to do anything as his partner to help him during his presidency, (that's what Quackity was for he told you) being so restless at night was really getting to you. Slowly but surely you found yourself preparing things for the ram hybrid for the next day.

The light flicked on, blinding you momentarily. "Princess?" you heard from a very groggy man. Schlatt stood in the doorway to his office, hair dishelved and clad in nothing but his boxers. "The hell you doin' up?"

"Sorry baby," you offered, pecking his cheek. "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to lay there or wake you." You turned your back to him to continue your fixing but he wrapped an arm around your waist to pull you flush against him.

"C'mon, we're gonna fix that energy you got," he said bluntly. Schlatt had to all but drag you out to the living room, nudging you onto the couch. You watched with curious eyes as he started turning on electronics. Next thing you know you're being handed a Wiimote.

"Schlatt?" you asked incredulously, standing up. "Are we really playing Wii Sports at 3:00 am?"

"Considerin' I'm not having you do the work that I have Alexis for?" he said with a tired smile. He picks a game and turns to you. "Yes."

You're not sure how long you stay up playing games with Schlatt. He watches you patiently, letting you hop around and beat his tired self at every turn. The moment you rub your eyes and stretch after a rather one-sided boxing match does he turn off the system.

"Oh c'mon," you whine softly, trying your best to hide a yawn. "I was totally beating you."

Schlatt only hums as he kisses your head and starts leading you back to bed. "You can beat me another time," he tells you softly as you tuck yourself into bed.

You mumble something in response, not sure what exactly you even said before your consciousness fades. Schlatt chuckles, sliding into bed beside you and letting you latch onto him for warmth. It doesn't take long for him to join you in dreamland.

Neither of you hear the door to Schlatt's suite opening and the frantic noises of Quackity opening the bedroom door. He stops stock still when he sees the two of you curled up together, the president's snores echoing off the walls. With a heavy sigh, the bedroom door gets closes.

Seems like Big Q had a long day ahead of him.

[naamahdarling]

So. So like.

I had a BAD WEEK last week, a bad weekend before that, a bad week before that, a bad weekend before that, and a bad week before that. So, bad times.

Last Friday, when I read the world’s most diplomatic but pointed riot act to the supervisor at the mental health clinic for failing me utterly, partial lowdown at the link, I got an appointment for today to address some other medication issues, since I think raising the ADHD meds was not enough.  The appointment was for 4:15. I got a call at 2, because the doc does call early sometimes when he has run through extra time. He left a message, which I couldn’t understand because I have hearing loss, but I think it said “You have an appointment today, call me.” Which is questionable to begin with.  But then, at the appropriate appointment time, he didn’t call back again.

These people ghosted me!

So after waiting until 4:45, I called back and after being on hold for 10 minutes, I was told he had already left.  So AGAIN, I was diplomatically stern with them. The lady I spoke to was sympathetic.  

I was like “I’ve been having a horrible time, I need to talk to a doctor, it’s been like pulling teeth to get help from you guys, this is unacceptable.” And she was like “I don’t disagree, and I’m pissed. This isn’t okay.” And I was just like, “So are you going to do better?” and it was so polite but there was so many teeth in it, I was so so close to absolutely flipping my shit. And man, she was so contrite. 

She asked my name so she could book an appointment and then I found out it was the SAME WOMAN I SPOKE TO ON FRIDAY! Which was good.

Then I got to explain to her, painstakingly, that after 3 weeks of misery, I wasn’t sleeping at “normal” neurotypical horseshit hours (not words I used) and talking to someone at 9:30 am is not something, after all their nonsense, I am willing to do. They need to fix their shit and get this addressed.

So she straight-up took half his lunch break away so he can call me, and the satisfaction of that is almost worth getting up a little early lmao.

I am soooohoooohoooohoooo fucking FED UP.

What I have asked for since the 4th, 19 days ago:

1 appointment with my the PA

1 prescription for a scheduled med, entailing a PA to be passed to the prescribing MD, then faxed to Medicaid and approved by them

1 more appointment with the PA to address the horrid anxiety that has escalated because of their 

What they have done since the 4th, 19 days ago:

1 appointment with the PA on the 9th

1 prescription sent to Medicaid today, the 22nd, 14 days after I spoke to the PA, to be approved probably before but not later than the 26th, the day I run out of meds again

1 ghosted appointment when I was available to take the call at the designated time

This is how poor and disabled people are treated in the USA.

I have had serious thoughts of suicide this past week because of, specifically, the delays that my clinic caused. I have had urges to self-harm. I have been in so much pain and discomfort for so much longer than I had to be because of the delays they caused.

The low quality of mental health care in this country contributes to human misery and suicide, and this, this shit is what that process looks like.

[corpseriot]

F.O.K rewrite ch. 1

So one of my platonic wives told me to rewrite a fanfic I wrote like almost 5 years ago so here it is. It’s an oc insert because I didn’t know how to fix it from that. I’m working with a dumpster fire here. Also I was a cis woman then and now I'm a funni gay man SO it’s going to be trans centered lmao. It’s literally titled ‘a shit show’ in my docs so fuck it. 

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Today was the first day in my attempt to get back into the ninja world. I’m twenty and only ever tried once, maybe it was laziness or maybe it was the fact I was misgendered half on purpose by some and on accident more often by most. But I believe I've put it off for too long. So here I am, up at 7:30 taking my morning ADHD meds and pounding an energy drink. Desperately trying to ignore my anxiety. I brush my dyed neon green shoulder length faux hawk out, being careful around my matching fox ears and my tail which I also dyed the same green. I stretch a little while tying up my hair in a fluffy ponytail and grab a muffin just in case, and with that leaving my dreary little apartment.

 The walk was quiet, just taking in the morning air waving at a couple of people that I recognize. I get to the school and step inside the classroom recognizing most of the kids. It warmed my heart seeing all the kids working hard to become the new generation of ninjas. I know they wouldn't recognize me but that didn’t change how proud it made me feel to see them here. I sit down next to the emo boy, Sasuke Uchiha. “Good morning, how are you?“ I greet. “I’m fine.” He states flatly. “I’m Tatum, Tate for short.” I smile resting my head in my hands. He looks over at me, trying to read in if I was trying something, but I wasn’t so he seemed to untense. “I’m Sasuke.” He says in an almost friendly tone. “Nice to meet you.” I grin. “Nice to meet you too.” He nods.

 I lay my head down only to have the nice, peaceful background chatter interrupted by shrill screams from two teenage girls. I look over at the door to see them, Ino Yamanaka and Sakura Haruno, screaming about who got into the door first which decides who sits next to Sasuke. “Oh god.” I mumble hearing loud footsteps hurry towards us. I hear Sasuke snicker probably at me, and it made me put my head up and look at him with a small smile. “Hey Miss, can you move, that's my seat.” Ino says. I look up confused looking around for the woman then it sank in that she meant me. “I should have shaved my head.” I mutter under my breath and see Sasuke look at me with some sympathy. “I don’t know what Miss you’re talking about kid, but this man isn’t moving.” I state looking at her leaning back.

 “I don’t know who you are but that’s my seat. Now please move.” Ino retorts. “YOU’RE SEAT? IT’S MINE!” Sakura shouts. They start arguing right next to me and it was hard to ignore the pain that was seeping into my head. “Hey kids can you please take your arguing elsewhere, preferably out of my range of hearing.” I snap. “You think you’re better than us or something?” Ino growls. “No, not at all I’m just mentally ill and have sensitive ears so, I just have thinner patience for trivial teen drama.” I say flicking one ear just for emphasis. Sakura opens her mouth to say something nut is cut off by Iruka coming in with a blond gremlin being dragged behind him. I smile seeing the gremlin, ‘they grow up so fast.’ 

“Today we’ll be taking the transformation test today because Naruto skipped it.” Iruka says. The class irrupts into groans and cruel words thrown at Naruto, and I can’t help but to subconsciously let my face turn to panic. Sasuke obviously sees and pats my shoulder, possibly trying to comfort me. “Barely remember how to do this one.” I laugh nervously. Sasuke sighs and explains the basic points to me and I nod taking it in. I keep going over it letting it actually set in. “But that’s after we meet the new student.” He adds. I look up quickly and panic. I look at him with pleading eyes to put it off till we finish the test. He shakes his head and motions me up. I sigh audibly and stand up trudging to the front of the class. “Please introduce yourself.” Iruka says. “Okay..well hello I’m Tatum, I go by Tate, I’m a guy, I like industrial metal music and that’s about it, oh and I can control metal sharp things I guess. I use it to help me cook, so it goes by faster because I hate cooking.” I smile fidgeting with my shirt hem, trying to fight my nervous stutter.

 “So um any questions?” I ask, taking my ponytails out and running my hands through my hair keeping myself calm. A handful of hands shot up so I choose Ino first. “Do you like anyone?” She questions most likely trying to find out if I'm competition for Sasuke. “Kinda, I rarely see him and it’s always been a very stupid crush, but it’s not anyone here I’m twenty and that would be weird.” I answer. Next I choose a boy with his cute puppy. “Do you know anyone here?” He asks. I nod, “I know almost everyone here just because I’m older and can remember when you all were tiny.” I snicker, smiling. 

Most of the remaining hands go down except Sakura so I pick her. “Who do you think you’ll make friends with?”  “I don’t know, but I’m just socially awkward so I might not be able to make friends.” I respond maybe too honestly. “Can we move on? This is such a drag.” A boy says. I nod in agreement and sit down next to Sasuke. “Alright class line up for the test.” Iruka ordered. I got behind Sasuke and stood there nervously. Sasuke turns into Iruka and sits down. I’m next. I start to panic and my ADHD brain starts running over every single thing that could go wrong. I take deep breaths to settle myself and I step up. I focus and attempt to turn into someone, anyone. I feel the change happen and I start to panic. ‘Who did I turn into?’ ‘How did I do?’ “Fourth Hokage, very good.” Iruka says. I blink and change back, “Thank you.” I mutter sitting back down.

I put my head down and wait till this is over. My brain won't let me stop thinking about how I did, if I failed, even though Iruka said I did good and if doing that is going to cause questions on why I know what the Fourth Hokage looked like so well. No one needs to be reminded of the past, I don’t want to be reminded of the time when I was scared to be me.   “Transformation jutsu!” Naruto shouts and I look up slightly to see a female version of Naruto completely naked and only clouds covering him up. I gag internally and drop my head down again, feeling hugely uncomfortable. “Why... oh god why..” I sigh, running my hands through my hair.

 After the test we were allowed to leave and I grabbed my things trying to get out of the room as quickly as possible due to it feeling too stuffy. I feel a small tug on my sleeve, I turn and see Naruto. “Hey what’s up kiddo?” I ask, smiling. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after I clean the off the Hokage's faces.” He askes sheepishly. “Ya totally, I could help you too, I don’t have anything to do today.” I say giggling. “Really you want to hang out and help?! That’s awesome! You’re awesome! Believe it!” He shouts happily. I smile knowing this is the start of how I fix the relationship with my adoptive baby brother.

~(Graduation test day)~

I came to class today overly caffeinated and a very excited naruto. We sat down next to each other like we do everyday. I was honestly lucky to have him around, he was overly hyper and I was overly calm, so we balanced each other out well. “Naruto, what do you think we’re gonna get tested on?” I ask. “No clue it’s always a surprise.” He answers leaning back. “Keeping on our toes, alright then.” I chuckle. I grab a muffin from my bag and start snacking on it. “Tate, give me an honest answer, do you think I'll pass?” Naruto questions. I look up from my muffin crumbs around my mouth, I finish my bite and look at him, “You’ve been working so hard for this and I think you’re going to do great.”  “You’re right, I’m going to ace this! Believe it!” he cheers. I giggle and continue eating my muffin. Iruka comes in and starts to explain the test off a clipboard. “This will be a cloning test.” He states. Naruto’s face went pale. “That’s my worst jutsu!” He whines. “Believe it...” I sigh, shaking my head. “Tatum, you’re up first.” Iruka announces. I wipe the crumbles of my muffin off my face and stand up, looking over to Naruto. “Good luck Tate.” He grins. “Thanks, good luck to you too.” I smile back leaving to the testing room. 

“Alright make at least three clones.” Iruka says. “Okay.” I nod. I take a deep breath and focus my chakra and make four almost perfect water clones. “Good job just make them have your fully dyed hair and not streaked with your natural white. “Ya I’m still working on them.” I smile. “Please pick a headband.” He says opening a drawer. I grin and grab one excitedly and tie it around my neck. “Can you send Naurto in?” He asks. “Mhm, I can indeed.” I nod leaving. I open the door and shout for Naruto. He looks up at me and grins. “Go get em champ.” I chuckle patting his back while he walks out. I look around and realize there are no teachers to stop my caffeine ADHD thoughts. 

So as any normal person would do I start drawing mushrooms with eyes. The kids watch quietly as the chalk is dragged across the board in wild morbid and insane designs. “Draw a tree!” One kid shouts out. I pause on the board then start a beautifully macabre tree. More kids start shouting things out until I covered the entire board. I place the remainder of the chalk down and stand back taking in my work. I smile and turn to the class seeing them all amazed by my strange art. I take a chessy bow and sit down at my desk and lay my head down and fall asleep to the sight of my art. 

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I wake up later to an empty room where I stand stretching, I look outside to see Naruto sitting on the swing looking rather sad and Mizuki coming over and talking to him. Naruto seems to brighten up a lot and I couldn’t help but get a bad feeling in my gut. I run out of the building in a panic to find them already gone. I bite the inside of my cheek in worry and go to find Iruka. I go through the building and find him at his desk. “Iruka oh my god!” I shout coming into the room. “Hm? What’s wrong?” He asks. “I saw Mizuki talking to Naruto and- and I got a really bad feeling and they're gone and I don’t know what’s going to happen.” I fumble out. “I had a bad feeling too so thank you for informing me. Go home now, I'll take care of it.” He soothes. He stands and gives me a reassuring hug. “Okay, thank you. I think I'll get something to eat to calm down.” I nod assuring myself. “You do that.” He agrees letting me go. I leave and start the walk home staring at my feet and kicking rocks. I pause and go into a little shop and buy myself dinner. I get home and sit down and start on the dinner for two I got for myself.

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

Mmm, been awhile since a State of the Squid. Cut for yammering.

Big news: we have A PLUMBER and I am so excited I could SCREAM. We are getting a NEW SHOWER and we are paying SOMEONE ELSE to INSTALL IT so I DON’T HAVE TO which is DECADENT. I feel like I should be lounging on silk pillows for the occasion. 

I mean, I still need to demo and prep everything, but I don’t have to deal with the cast-iron drain and that alone is worth it. Also: it is damn near impossible to find a plumber here right now. This is the fifth guy I called and one of two that called me back, and the only one to send a written estimate. If anyone is looking for a new career, be a plumber. 

The new shower will fix the leak, so we can get OUR ELECTRICIAN in to remediate the exposed knob-and-tube that I also do not want to do, which will get power back to half the downstairs and also the garage. We have been very thankful that we’ve been able to quarantine as successfully as we have, but eighteen months with a hole in the ceiling and no power to my workspaces has been A CHALLENGE. I will be glad to get back to work. (I love having Husbandthing home, but he went to the office yesterday and I was able to run noisy power tools without worrying he was in a meeting, and it was liberating. Might have just revved things for fun.)

****

In OTHER big news: new diagnosis! During a seemingly unrelated conversation last month, my psychiatrist threw an ADHD assessment at me and...well, it was embarrassing how completely I scored. She recommended I try a stimulant to see if it helps with focus, so now I’m testing an almost-homeopathic dose of ritalin. It’s not sky-opens-up-angels-start-singing clarity, but fuck me if it doesn’t clear away some of the blur I didn’t know was there. 

I’m mad about it. I’m not entirely sure where this sudden emotional baggage is coming from, but I’m weirdly, viscerally furious this is a thing. I’m grateful for the assessment, grateful that my mood is stable enough for her to have picked up that something else is going on, grateful for her for not pulling punches and being so willing to work with me, and grateful I have access to insurance for both doctors and meds at all, but yikes. ADHD was mentioned as a possible component to my flailing when I was in high school, but there was no follow-through and I haven’t been a) seen a particular psychiatrist more than a few times and b) ever been as stable mood-wise as I am now. I’m doing All The Reading and All The Research and ugh, it all feels so accurate and I am Mad. 

Maybe the hardest part is the sudden realization that I was never going to be good enough. If this is how I’m wired, no amount of dayplanners or drawer organizers was ever going to control the chaos the way I thought it would. My therapist is being amazing, and I’m slowly realizing how much effort I put into compensation. These are symptoms, not personality flaws. This isn’t just carelessness, and there’s relief in that, but also so much anger, maybe because if it’s how I’m wired, that means so amount of willpower alone will fix it. It isn’t something to be fixed. The only solution is radical acceptance and boy howdy, I am Not Good at that.

So for the moment, I’m focusing (ha!) on taking my meds and being mindful of how I’m feeling. Any stimulant runs the risk of kicking me into hypomania or god forbid actual mania, so I really need to watch myself. The intro dose of the ritalin went so well I tested the next level and my god my brain exploded. Once I came back down, I spent two days after just abjectly depressed as things healed up. We will be staying at the toddler dose for now. 

****

Finally, it is ZUCCHINI SEASON and I am DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY ABOUT IT. I made a zucchini sausage pie last night that was ugly as all hell but delicious, and today I will be outside praising my plants for their sumptuous bounty. 

The heat dome was not kind to my tomatoes - they’re alive, but I don’t think it’s going to be a good year - but my god the PUMPKINS. I had grand visions of trellising them along the fence but quickly gave up when they went full feral. Now, the entire side yard is a pumpkin jungle, and when I ventured in yesterday, I found THREE of the white pumpkins already the size of my head. Halloween is going to be awesome. 

[gryphonablaze]

I had an iud for a while. I didn’t know anesthesia was an option. It’s possible that it might not have been at that specific building, though. The doctor gave me muscle relaxers, warned me a lot beforehand that it’s very likely going to hurt a lot, and she asked if I wanted a nurse to hold my hand (I accepted. It helped. I swear that woman had bones bones of titanium in her hands). Knowing that it would be painful, I still agreed, because I deadass would let someone stab me in the gut if it could solve The Issues. If there’s a magical cure that requires being shanked with a 1” knife every five years, sign me the fuck up. Scratch that, actually, make it 6”. I’ve had my tetanus shot. If it fixed everything, no side effects it’d be worth it. The IUD, however, did have side effects. The fucking side effects. Everything I’ve ever tried has had *some* effect on the side, but they’re all different, so I’m basically just writing down what each different type of medicine does to me and then weighing the pros and cons to choose the least worst option. The iud’s side effects were Not Great. More physical cramps than other medicines, and my already-present-because-of-adhd+anxiety+depression-mood-swings got worse, such that I was afraid that in a low place I might do something that I’d regret five hours later. That phenomenon happened regularly and reliably. I don’t think there’s a single hormone regulation med out there that doesn’t have side effects. I do think that these side effects should be more thoroughly studied, but considering how many different types there are and how different people react differently, I can understand if that’d be difficult. I still think the effort should be put in, tho. And maybe I’m just not looking at the right places, but I don’t see that effort being put in.

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

[melancholykiwi]

My Two Cents on the “Normal Pills” Situation

So people on Twitter have been at each others’ throats for the past few hours because of a topic in Dream’s Mask music video. I’ve been thinking about how to address this because I have a lot of thoughts. Therefore I would like to write them out here.

As someone who takes antidepressants, I have come to the conclusion that this whole thing isn’t bad, rather just handled poorly.

Before I got diagnosed I considered myself “not normal” for a while. It took months of therapy for me to realize I was completely normal and was just struggling with depression. If there’s one thing I want y’all to take away from this, it’s that you are not abnormal for having a mental illness. That’s a stigma in our society that is very harmful to neurodivergent people. Medicine is not meant to make you “normal,” it’s supposed to help you live a better life.

And to clarify, I understand that Dream isn’t trying to make people stop taking medication. I’ve heard from plenty that his song is meant to be his personal story. Meaning, yes, I am aware ADHD medicine did not work for him personally (I watched the Anthony Padilla interview too). And that’s perfectly okay. Medicine is not for everyone and can, in some cases, worsen people’s mental state.

However, I believe in calling his ADHD medication “normal” as well as having a doctor tell him he’s abnormal, then saying that his abnormality is a “good thing,” perpetuates the stigma that neurodivergent people are abnormal. I’m sure this was unintentional, and meant to be a message that it’s okay to be unique, but I think mental illness is a topic that needs to be handled delicately. For me, Dream just didn’t do that with his song or video.

So how on Earth could he have fixed this issue? First, have the doctors note be legitimate, then show Dream warping note into a negative message, like him being “not normal.” Then, he could just show a medication bottle, without “Normal Pills” written on it. Next, show that the pills were only worsening his mood before having him throw them out. And then, just have him throw the doctor’s note out or something instead of writing on it. Also, have him console with his family or friends on the matter so that they may help him through his struggles. To be fair, though, some adjustments may be required for the song itself too, but that’s not the main point.

To clarify, I don’t think his fans are stupid. Multiple have gone on record saying they would never dump their meds. However, I simply feel disheartened thinking that they may very well see their meds as “normal pills” too. To all neurodivergent people reading this: you are not abnormal. Neurotypical people are not “normal.” Everyone’s minds are built differently, and one type of mind is not better than another.

TLDR; Dream’s Mask music video may very well have unintentionally perpetuated the harmful idea that neurodivergent people are not normal. Him throwing out his pills wasn’t the issue; how he describes treatment for ADHD is. The whole thing is very muddled up, and I hope Dream can make a clearer statement on this issue soon.