#just let it fucking flow

[puppyeared]

horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago

[ganondoodle]

you know im unable to shut up when i have any opinion on zelda (though i try and have thus far succeeded at not commenting on any other concept from the darn book)- i find most totk ganondorf concept art worse than what we got to insulting even (of those i have seen) ..... this one though

much more the one in the background than the one up front, still at least he has the collar and the weapon we saw in the first trailer of things that never happen in the end (like so much else)

[zeroistic]

these damn new gen ls pvpers and their anti-yap stances and resorting to pvp at every given moment

[bacchuschucklefuck]

the nsbu table is five DM pets and rekha shankar

[youarealwaysenough]

Neurodivergents raise your hands if you've been lectured about your poor communication skills in the work place 🙋‍♀️

[lazycranberrydoodles]

the people in the tags understand me. starembers art is super pretty but also weird at times.

[jadelemonadee]

do you ever have people online that just. frustrate you for no reason😭😭like this person didn’t do anything to me personally but whenever i see their comments or anything im just like oh it’s YOU again 😒😒😒

[tgshydestan]

IM GOING TO BE A BIT OF A HATER FOR A SECOND. A BIT OF A DEBBIE DOWNER SO TO SPEAK. PROCEED WITH CAUTION

i have never seen someone having a crush on their friend end well. like. ive heard of it. but i have NEVER seen it end amicably. either they convinced themself they liked each other then realised "ehhh not rlly ur just rlly cool" OR the friendship is never the same, entire friend groups fall apart, the drama is INSANE. OR. they break up but still pine for each other for eternity and never get over it and its super dramatic. OR. its one sided and tragic. the first option is the best option. if you have a crush on one of your friends you better pray you get over it so help me god. especially if they have a partner already. if you have a crush on your friend STOP. THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND. WEIGH THE RISKS. THINK "IS THIS WORTH ENDING OUR FRIENDSHIP AND POSSIBLY OTHER PEOPLES FRIENDSHIPS OVER?". AND THEN PROCEED HOW YOU WOULD LIKE.

honestly. this is probably just me being a fucking hater im a 13 yr old girl whos never even held hands with a boy what the hell would i know. do not take this as biblical truth. do not incorporate this into your worldview. just. be careful if you have a crush on your friend y'all. it will most likely change your relationship with them and all of your mutuals friends forever, for better or for worse. so. whatever

[dirtytransmasc]

writing a little peace on this, cause I can, and I hate myself and my feelings.

@aliyah-the-creator

~~~

amidst the fear, confusion of everything had just been told, and the foggy pain in his head that lingered with him since waking alone in the stranger forest, he didn't think to ask where his eldest brother was.

neteyam was always a strong, sure leader, always protecting spider, always being a good play buddy and better big brother, even if he was technically younger.

but after days of not seeing him, of no one mentioning his name, even if the feeling in his gut warned against it, even if his he searched any and all of his young mind for a reason he may not be there, he asked. cuddled up to ao'nung in the quiet of night, the blanket that was seemingly very important to the older boy wrapped around him, he asked where the oldest sully boy was, in a tiny voice that shook with some forewarning of anxiety.

he felt his brother take a deep breath, saw the tears gather in his eyes, and he knew something was wrong, something was really wrong. he might be young, but he wasn't clueless.

"we'll talk in the morning spi, I promise,"

"'nung," he protested, not wanting to be kept in the dark, not for so long, not long enough for his mind to twist this anxiety into a monster that would haunt his dreams.

ao'nung just looked at him, biting his lip, begging his eyes to stop tearing and his throat to stop hurting. he could tell his baby brother knew, at least knew that something was wrong, but he just couldn't get the words to form on his lips.

how do you tell a little kid their big brother was dead, had been dead for months, died on a rescue mission to save them, despite his memory freezing neteyam's life at 5 years old, alive and well, not yet faced with the responsibilities of being an adult, or the next chief, or the son of the great toruk makto, or the keeper of his brother. he knows spider doesn't remember the tired lines of his brother's face or the weary slope of his shoulders bowing under the pressure life put on him. how does he tell spider he can't even see his brother again because he is and has been with eywa for months now.

what would he do when spider reacted. when his little heart broke and all logic or reason flew out the window and his world collapsed from underneath him. his big brother was dead, no child would react well to that.

he tugs spider in as close as he can, pressing his nose into sandy locs, tears blending into the curly new growth. he couldn't do it, he didn't have the strength to tell him, he could be strong on so many fronts, but not this, not neteyam, not his friend who he had lost so long ago.

"please spi, in the morning, its... complicated ok, and it's not something I can tell you on my own," he knew that would only have more questions, but he didn't know what else to say, he just had to hope that spider's trust in him would be enough to settle him.

"ok," spider half squeaked, half yawned. ao'nung knew his head getting the best of him, and knew he had to calm him down.

"I'll be here all night tsmukan, you know that, I'll scare all the monsters away... and I'll be here in the morning, and we'll talk, all of us I promise."

spider nodded, clinging his little arms around ao'nungs neck, curling his knees in and letting his brother tuck him close to his chest. his stomach felt like it was tied in a million knots and he could feel his brother's tears bleeding into his scalp, could feel his chest tremor as he barely muffled his own cries. he knew neteyam was gone, felt it somewhere deep within him, in his heart, where eywa presided, he didn't know where and he didn't know why, but he knew his brother was gone and he wouldn't be seeing him again.

he started to cry himself, the tears burning his cheeks a little, ao'nung holding him a little closer, if that was even possible. sleep didn't come easy for either boy, they both drifted between sleep burdened with painful memories and monsters born of fear, and a tired hazy wakefulness. they rose with the sun and found solace on the beach together.

ronal and tonowari knew the instant they found both boys out on the beach, deep in fitful sleep, that the question they had all been dreading had finally reared its ugly head.

they carried both of their tired boys back to the family hut, ronal cradling spider all through the remains of early morning, only waking him for breakfast, tonowari curling ao'nung at his side, a hand in his hair, the other finding spider's little fingers. tsireya watches on with worry, knowing how deep neteyam's death cut ao'nung, it was part of why he was so persistent in making things right with spider; he wouldn't have regrets, he wouldn't lose any more time with people to his childish manners, he wouldn't cut his time short like he had with neteyam. she knew that this, would not end well for either boy, and she knew that she would end the day with a reopened wound.

by lunch both boys were groggily awake, clung to both each other and to their parents. the sully's were gathered after afternoon meal, and there was a heavy silence in the pod as all knew why they were gathered but not one of them could say the words.

ao'nung gathered the boy up to his chest once more, the pair sat between their parents. spider watched as his siblings gathered in the pod together, kiri and lo'ak holding onto each other, kiri holding tuks hand while she sat with jake and neytiri. he felt his breath come short and fast, felt his lip quiver and his eyes swell with itchy tears once more. he was tired of the silence, and frustration got the better of him.

"where is neteyam?" he asked, his fake bravado wavering letting his fear shine through. the silence persisted, even as spider stared the group down. "where is he?" he asked again, looking to his mother and father this time.

ronal goes to speak but is beaten by neytiri.

"he's gone, child, he was killed by humans many months ago, he died-" she cuts herself off, spider felt his mother tense behind him and saw jake shoot a look at his mate.

"he what?" he wanted to know, wanted to know what she would say, why his family didn't seem to want her to say it.

after protests from all around, spider still insisted she finish what she wanted to say.

"he died, protecting you, because he loved you. you may not remember much of him, we are unsure whether or not you ever will, but I need you to know that he loved you..." there was more she wanted to say, that was very clear to almost everyone in the room but spider, his young mind finally taking it in, understanding, that his big brother was dead and gone, that he would never see him again, that he might not even remember him again. he broke down sobbing while his family looked amongst themselves for any sort of direction as to what to do next.

what they were all surprised by was the fact that it was neytiri that moved to comfort him, sitting in front of ao'nung, who just about allowed her to trace a finger up and down the side of his grief-stricken face.

"it isn't fair," he whispered, looking her in the eye, barely halting his own tears long enough to speak.

"no it isn't, but he gave his life so you may live, you and lo'ak, because he was a good brother. he protected you when I could not see my own failure to kame (see into), to protect you like I shoulder have. so do not, for one second, blame yourself for what happened, do you hear me, ‘evan tsatu ‘awlie ma'itan? (boy that was once my son)" she spoke strong and sure, despite the fact she was in the very same state as the boy in question.

"what happened?"

neytiri looked to Ronal, unsure if she could keep going, ronal only nodding, fighting her grip around the boy, kissing his head and then ao'nungs, before pushing spider towards neytiri. the boy held out his arms and she lifted him into her lap, ao'nung darting into his mother's side.

ronal new the boy would never stop wondering, conjuring potential scenerio's in his head till it spun or he got the memories back, both of which would be a torturous wait. he needed this, to heal this bond, to know what happened, to gain closure.

"you had been taken, and... and I allowed us to leave our home without you... you spent many months with the demons, because of our failures. neteyam and lo'ak were given a chance during one of the first great battles to retrieve you, and neteyam did because he couldn't trust us to go back for you. he saved you and lo'ak, got you out of the ship safely, but he was... he was shot by one of the soldiers on the boat. it was our fault, spider, not yours. I only need one thing of you, parultsyìp, is that you do not blame yourself." she held him tight, tighter then she ever had before, and she felt something deep within her hurt. why had she not done this before, he fit so perfectly in her arms, he was meant to be there, she felt it in her soul. why had she failed this child so horribly?

he nodded, sniffled, burrowed deep into her stomach. his head spinning with far too much information, yet he wanted to know more.

he turned to his siblings, finally scootching from neytiri's arm, going to lo'ak and kiri, tuk shifting away from jake and joining her now very similar in age brother in their older siblings embrace. he felt lo'ak holding him the tightest.

"I was the one who told him we should go back, because I hadn't the night you were taken,"

"lo'ak," kiri tried to comfort, clearly used to lo'aks habit of taking the blame.

"its true, I wanted to go back, nothing will change that. not saying what I'm all to blame, just... can't hear mom taking all the blame."

kiri rolled her eyes, clinging closer to spider, "he is with The Great Mother now spider, he is at peace now, you don't have to worry about him anymore. you worried about him a lot, remember, always trying to be a good big brother to him, even if he insisted he was older."

spider did remember that, always gentle with neteyam despite being the size of him as an infant while spider was nearing 18 months old. always careful to not hurt the baby, to protect him from the harms of the lab.

"he is happy now, with Eywa, that's all the matter's. it's very sad that we lost him so soon, but he is with my mother and tsu'tey and trudy. he is with the family we have lost. he rests from a life of duty and sacrifice, and he left us protecting what he loved most; his baby brothers." she spoke with a sort of wiseness that could only be held by a child of Eywa, a child in tune with The Great Mother's heartbeat.

she kissed his forehead before getting up and pulling lo'ak with her, "be with your family, monkey boy, we'll talk later."

tuk didn't say much, only sniffled a goodbye, hugging him tightly before following her big sister. neytiri picked her up gently, tracing fingers over spider's head once more, baring her teeth at jake when he tried to leave without speaking to the boy. he backed away from the pods doorway, kneeling in front of the boy.

"I'm sorry, spider, I should have done something, but even now... I am nowhere close to being as strong as you are, little man, you don't even know it. I know... you can't go see neteyam, but I'll say hi to him for you, I promise, next time I see him."

spider nodded, as enthusiastically as one could, given the circumstances. he hugged jake, not wanting to let go. he knew jake wasn't his father, not anymore, but he still clung to those few good memories, of jake, coming to the lab and playing with him, or taking him out into the forest the first time. it was confusing, but for just a moment, he allowed himself to seek comfort in a man that apparently never wanted him.

when the sully's left he rejoined his families huddle, curling himself right back int he middle of it.

"you were very strong today little one," his mother spoke softly, "but you do not always need to be strong. you lost a brother, you are allowed to do much more then cry."

"I know... I just... my chest is full, but it won't come out, and it hurts. I don't want him to be gone mama, I don't... I want neteyam."

"I know sweet child, I know. but we must accept what is true, no matter how painful. you will feel the grief and loss of your brother for days, weeks, months even. but we will all be here to help you, to guide you as you feel his loss."

he nodded again, his throat hurting from the tears to talk.

"he was a good friend, I only knew him a short time, but he was very good to me and to your siblings, I am very sure he was an amazing brother to spider, and that you have many memories of him," tsireya spoke now, finally breaking her pained silence amongst the family. neteyams death had wounded her, witnessing it was enough, but she was left with his body for hours, to hold his hand and brush back his braids and have the pain of loss pounded into her. like ao'nung, the topic was a sore, unhealed, spot, and she was not handling it well.

"he was much better then I ever gave him credit for," ao'nung added, "I only knew what I had, I didn't see how good he was, how valuable a friend I had, until I lost him and I have not yet stopped feeling that pain since that day. I'm so sorry spider, that you have to feel this pain too." ao'nungs strong face fell once again as he held his brother close once more.

tonowari couldn't find the words to bring his children comfort. all that needed to be said had been said half a dozen times. spider didn't need more words he would barely understand, he was too young for this, had been before eywa had blessed him, but this was a new level of young. tonowari doubted the boy truly understood half of what had been said today, and he would not add to the list of thinks he would think over again and again in his mind. he just held his family close and promised them that all would be ok once more, in time, and that this was a blessing, no matter how painful, to heal wounds that were once mangled and bloody, into scars that held stories.

[artists-ally]

As some of you know I’m working on writing a book! YES. A FULL BOOK YOULL BE ABLE TO BUY IN STORES ON DAY!!!!! And this is the first draft of my cover!!! I’m so excited to share this with y’all you have no idea.

Of course comments and suggestions are always welcome. But this is a draft. D. R. A. F. T. It’s not a finished product, just some rando photo I found on Pinterest and decided will work for my initial ideas 😭😭 feel free to flood my inbox with questions and comments about the cover or the book in general (pls do I need to create an army for when I publish this)

[theflyingfeeling]

💖 it's here, it's pink, it's sparkly, and full of fluff 💖

Hiiiiii and welcome to witness my attempt at an Olli/Allu Advent Calendar, in which I'll give you ~a cute little something~ about these two idiots in love almost every day until December 24! My plan is to use prompts from this list to either write a fic based on the prompt or just some good ol' delulu thoughts if all else fails. I cannot guarantee there'll be a post literally every day, but I'm really excited to try this out and I thank you for your support along the way in advance 💝

The biggest thanks and a million hugs go to one of my favourite human beings @kraeuterhexchen for making the adorable banner!! I mean helloooooo?? 😭 Go show them some love ❣️

For December 1, the prompt list is titled One True Pairing Moments, and the prompt I chose was 'calling just to hear their voice' 🥺 You can read the fic below, I hope you like it <3

.

PS. Even though this is an advent calendar of sorts, I'm not planning on making this particularly Christmassy. I hope no one minds terribly!

~

Falling for Aleksi had, in a way, sneaked up on Olli, at least if he fooled himself a little. He could pretend he didn’t feel any different about the man than he did about, say, Joonas or Tommi, but that strategy only worked for so long – that is to say, approximately until Aleksi as much as smiled softly at him from across a room or bumped his shoulder into his jovially when walking down the street and Olli would feel his breath getting caught in his throat or stumble in his words, his tongue tangled like shoelaces, which was so unlike him as well and frustrated him to no end. It really took a special kind of fool to not only develop some level of feelings for a friend, a colleague, a bandmate for Christ’s sake, but also become so hopelessly enamored with him that you rolled awake in bed in the dead of night, grabbing your phone and tossing it back on the nightstand again and again because you couldn’t decide whether or not you should, on some erratic 2 o’clock impulse, call him to let him know he was the very reason for your insomnia. 

Turning on his back, Olli groaned (only a little desperately) as he remembered losing himself in the lingering hug they had shared just before the arrivals lobby at the airport, inhaling Aleksi’s scent and wishing they wouldn’t have to go home just yet, even if Olli was more than ready to finally sleep in his own bed again. Ironically, ever since they had returned home from tour, Olli had spent night after sleepless night missing Aleksi terribly: his stupid jokes and playful banter that bordered on being flirtatious if Olli allowed himself the benefit of delusion; his quick, subtle smiles that probably meant nothing; his little touches Olli hoped meant something; his smell and his touch and the softness of his hair at the back of his neck, compared to which the blanket Olli was grasping in his fist was like sandpaper. (How he had come to know of the qualities of Aleksi’s hair in such detail, he preferred not to dwell on too much to save himself from the heartache, so let’s just leave it at ‘stressful, emotional week far away from home’ and ‘a little too much to drink’).

Above all, Olli missed Aleksi’s voice. He hadn’t even thought that was possible, until the other morning when Olli had woken up to a voice message Aleksi had left just hours earlier, rambling about a song idea he had gotten in the middle of the night – something he did from time to time – and Olli had spent the next several minutes replaying it over and over again as he had lied in bed procrastinating getting up and and instead closing his eyes to better imagine Aleksi lying there beside him, turned on his side to face Olli, talking to him sleepily like they often did when they shared a room on tour and were just too lazy to join others at breakfast. Much like the hug at the airport, Olli wished those moments would have lasted way longer than they did, often ending abruptly when either of their phones would go off with Santeri’s name on the screen, a passive-aggressive interruption to the soft, low tone of Aleksi’s early-morning thoughts. (Sometimes, when Olli was lucky enough, he had been blessed with the bliss of feeling the light touch of a fingertip tracing along his collarbone, cut short just as frustratingly by their well-meaning tour manager politely enquiring whether the two of them had plans of dragging themselves downstairs for some toast and coffee, or if they’d rather starve until lunchtime, for which he wasn’t at all sure they’d even have time that day.)

The lovesick idiot that he was, his thumb hovered over the ‘play’ button of Aleksi’s voice message, probably for the millionth time that week. The chest-carving hesitation turned into a heart flip when he noticed Aleksi was online.

Then Aleksi began to type, and Olli held his breath the entire time until a new message appeared in the thread, anticipation holding him by his throat.

You awake?

Olli exhaled and typed his affirmative reply, leaving out the reason why.

He blinked at the screen, waiting for Aleksi to ask him a random question that clearly couldn’t wait until morning, or perhaps talk about something related to another late-night Twitch stream (from what Olli had gathered, Aleksi had been doing a lot of those recently, and with his last remaining braincell Olli had managed to resist the temptation to watch every single one of them, because he knew that if he did, it would only dig his grave of pining and longing deeper, seeing Aleksi smile and giggle about but not being able to do that with him or snuggle up next to him when he was wearing that flannel Olli often used as a blanket in the tour bus). But instead of another text appearing on the screen, Olli’s phone began to vibrate in his hand, and it took him an embarrassingly long while to understand it was because Aleksi was calling him. 

“Hi,” he sighed when he finally collected himself enough to speak. He prayed he’d be able to hear what Aleksi was going to say from the thumping heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Hi,” a soft voice said. “Sorry, I know it’s late…”

“No, not at all,” Olli hurried to say, “I mean, I wasn’t sleeping. Not even close, actually.” Part of him hoped Aleksi wouldn’t ask about it, but in some foolhardy way the possibility intrigued him. 

Nothing much, he would have likely said anyway, but what would happen if he told Aleksi how it really was? That he squeezed his pillow imagining it was him instead, or wailed into it because something had reminded him of a moment-that-was-probably-not-a-Moment™ they had shared? What would Aleksi say if he knew Olli sometimes touched himself the way Aleksi had touched him That One Night they never talked about? The only obstacle between Olli and that knowledge was a bottomless ocean of cold sweat and cowardice, and Olli had never been a great swimmer.

“So, ummm…,” Olli said when Aleksi’s end stayed silent. “What’s up?”

A short breath of laughter sounded through the phone line.

“Honestly? I don’t know, I… It’s just been a… weird week, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like… my head’s just been so full of… everything and… I’ve been so busy and kinda tense and… fuck, this is going to sound crazy,” Aleksi laughed that brief laugh again, although to Olli it didn’t sound particularly cheerful. Tired, more like. Strained, somehow. Not sad, but definitely a little troubled, and Olli intended to find out why.

“I’m all for crazy, you know.” Olli hoped his sorry attempt to lighten Aleksi’s mood would work, and so he smiled in relief when he heard Aleksi chuckle at his comment.

“I know,” Aleksi said softly, in that tone of voice that had Olli melt against his bedsheets. “So yeah, it’s been a rough week, but… in between all that stupid shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about… umm… well, the tour and– and… about you, for some reason,” (the troubled laugh made its return) “and… yeah. That’s sort of helped me a lot recently.”

Olli listened to the words carefully, not fully believing what he was hearing, yet clinging on to them until they were all but swirling around in his otherwise empty head like dry leaves in October wind.

“And tonight I just couldn’t fucking sleep for some reason and nothing I did seemed to help and so I thought I’d call you. And I’m–” If it hadn’t been dead silent otherwise, Olli wouldn’t have heard the shaky breath Aleksi paused to take, “I’m sorry I’m calling you at this hour and bothering you with this all but I guess I just… wanted to hear your voice. To see if that would help.”

“Does it?” Olli asked. Aleksi’s confession had made him clasp his blanket close to his chest, as if that would do anything about his rapidly beating heart.

“Yeah. It does. So maybe just… keep talking?”

Despite his mind living a life of its own, completely unfit to form a single coherent thought, for Aleksi’s sake Olli tried his best to think of something to say, but everything he came up with was something he was not ready to tell him quite yet. 

“Uuummmm…” he said to buy himself some time, but while he waited for his useless brain and mouth to form any actual words, Aleksi spoke again.

“Fuck, I’m– I’m sorry, this is too weird, I shouldn’t have– I’ll let you go back to–”

“I miss you,” Olli blurted before Aleksi would hang up on him. He squeezed his eyes shut when Aleksi went silent, too silent for too long for it to mean any good.

The line stayed open, however, which Olli took as a positive sign, even if the seconds during which all Olli could hear was Aleksi's quiet breathing seemed endless.

“And I you,” Aleksi finally replied. “A little too much, probably, or at least that’s what it feels like,” he chuckled. Olli almost missed the quiet sniff that followed.

He had to steel himself for his next question.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… forget it.” Aleksi said quietly. Contrary to Aleksi’s request, Olli knew he was going to all but ‘forget it’ for the next 3-5 business days; mentally he booked all his evenings as well as most of his mornings and noons for pondering what exactly had been in Aleksi’s mind in that moment or why he had sounded so sombre, almost disappointed. He’d probably never come to any satisfactory conclusion about it though, at least not without a little help from Aleksi himself. 

A ridiculous idea popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, the words flooded out of his mouth.

“Do you wanna come over some time? To hang out? When your schedule’s a little less tight, I mean.” He sucked on his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Aleksi’s answer, ready to hang up the moment he’d decline the offer on some obvious and logical reason for why Aleksi couldn’t possibly make nor want to take a trip to the north to see him, such as ‘didn’t we just spend over two months on the road together?’ or ‘damn, buddy, I miss you alright but not quite that much, I’ve done enough sitting in public transportation for one year, thank you very much lol’ or ‘what about Rilla?’

“You could take Rilla with you, you know.” Olli hurried to say, just in case, the deranged part of his brain thinking there might be a chance Aleksi might be at least considering it.

“Oh! Well, umm… I actually might have time next week? If– if you’re actually being serious about this.”

Funny you should ask, Aleksi; I’ve actually never been more serious about anything in my entire life than I am about having you here with me so that I can hold you and be held by you and see your face when I wake up in the morning and say goodnight to your annoyingly cute face instead of via text message and maybe, if the stars are in position and the northern wind won’t discourage me too much, I might actually be brave enough to torment you with the knowledge of just how miserable I’ve been since we last saw each other.

“I think it would be cool,” he said, because he had a feeling what he wanted to say would’ve been a tad too much and sudden. “I mean, if you’re up for it, of course. I understand if you can’t make it though, I know you have all those side projects.”

“No, I think it might actually do me some good to get out of the capital area for change.” Then there was a muffled ‘ouch’, followed by a laugh that sounded much brighter than any of the other ones Olli had heard from Aleksi that night. “Sorry, correction, it might do us some good. Rilla just told me she’s most definitely coming too. Rilla, stop nibbling on my toes!”

Olli smiled tiredly at the mental image that was painted in his mind of Aleksi and Rilla cuddling in bed, both minding their own business from what it seemed while still minding each other as well, very much indeed.

“I’ll be sure to set up a bed for her in the guest room.”

“The guest room? Do you not know her at all? If she’s not getting the master bedroom, she’ll ruin all your rugs and most of your shoes. Probably also gossip about you to all the neighbourhood dogs. And she’s brutal.”

Olli held his stomach as he laughed, tears almost forming in the corners of his eyes. In his defence, it was late and he was finally becoming tired, thus too far gone to help himself, let alone feel embarrassed about being in stitches about something Aleksi had said that was only mildly amusing. (It wasn’t the first time that had happened either, and likely not the last time.)

“So yeah, ummm, I can take a look at some flight options for next week and let you know, alright? I’m gonna let you sleep now and… I should get some myself too.”

Olli wanted to tell Aleksi he’d love to stay up chatting until dawn, but the yawn he let out when he opened his mouth to speak implied Aleksi had a point.

“Yeah, let me know. And… thanks for calling, I… you have no idea how much I needed this tonight.”

That was as close to a confession as Olli was able to get as of now.

“Probably not half as much as I did.”

Olli chuckled at Aleksi’s response, mostly to hide his own agony.

If only you knew. If only I knew how to tell you.

It didn’t take long for Olli to doze off after they hung up, and when he woke up to the kids from next door having a snowball fight under his window in the morning, he noticed new messages from Aleksi, sent half an hour after their phone call had ended, complete with screen captions of airplane schedules.

Would these days work for you? I might be free all week actually 😇

Olli cuddled into his pillow while typing his reply, hoping it wouldn’t wake up Aleksi.

yeah I’m free as well. I’ll pick you two up from the airport 🖤

From then on, Olli started counting the days until he’d see Aleksi again.

[andragoras-in-vanity]

for the love of god someone convince me from texting my ex, i daydreamed too closr to the sun and now i want attention😭

[waywardsalt]

gonna be a hater in tags real quick

[okitanoniisan]

translating them my damn self

[biblicalhorror]

Thinking about one of the loser men I dated directly post-college who, after I showed them Dirty Computer [the emotion picture] by Janelle Monae, said they "prefer rap that has something to say"

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

✨SAM WEARING HIS CAP TO THE BACK✨

(Sam's Beanies/old post)