#just kind of happened and they're rolling with it

[lyricwritesprose]

Me versus a fanfic idea, trying to cohere

Having been watching some of "My Adventures With Superman" lately, and I have become kind of obsessed with a crack idea that came to me last night at fuck o'clock in the morning, that being: what if (in the MAWS continuity or any one in which the Kents are both alive) Jonathan and Martha got roped into briefly housing or fostering a teen after Clark was out on his own?

I mean. Like. Imagine you're this kid. You are staying with the most tragically uncool individuals on this planet, but they're honestly nice, they aren't bothered by all the stuff that got you labeled A Troubled Youth or the gender stuff you may have going on or any of that, they just seem fundamentally Able To Roll With It, and, okay, this is going to be fine. It's temporary anyway. Just keep out of trouble.

And they have an adult son who comes around sometimes? He's kind of nice too. Maybe twenty-one, twenty-two, he's built like a moose and you'd think he'd be imposing but he's kind of shy and awkward and somehow just fundamentally Not Like the people who beat you up before, so you're pretty chill with him. He knows all the good places on the farm to sit and think, or sit and draw. One time when he comes around he shows you the creek and you learn all about the frogs and the crawdads and the snakes. Tells you about the corn snake he rescued once. Stuff like that.

Only some things really don't add up.

Like, there's never a car in the driveway when he shows up. And it's not on weekends or anything like that, it's weird times.

And there's a note on the fridge that says, "If you drink all the milk please replace it THIS MEANS YOU," and before long you figure out it's gotta be meant for him, because he will take a gallon and finish it a glass at a time and who can even do that without throwing up? Wasn't there some kind of ghastly TikTok challenge about that?

And when you joked to his Dad and Mom that he seems to have a real superpower for figuring out whether there is going to be pie, you got such weird, almost nervous looks that you quickly dropped the subject.

And one time you swear he appeared out of absolutely nowhere to walk you back to the house because Mr. Peterson's bull broke the fence and is wandering this way. (He was the first one to realize this. How did he realize this? He's sort of guiltily evasive on the subject.)

And he reassures you one time that you don't actually need to fear the Kansas Mothman because he accidentally started that legend. How? He really doesn't want to talk about it.

What with one thing and another, you start wondering…

Maybe he's a ghost.

Maybe something awful happened and he can't move on. You don't want to suspect the Kents, they are honestly pretty top-notch for parental types (especially after some of the ones you've known) but other people in the town? You know personally how ghastly a small town can be to That Weird Kid. Maybe something really bad happened.

(Maybe it could happen to you too.)

So you've got to figure out what's going on so you can get justice for your friend. You start to investigate. Smallville does have rather more than its fair share of Weird Shit—like possibly a lot more—but you're not really getting anywhere. And it occurs to you that you don't really have the wherewithal to go and try to find—well, let's not put too fine a point on it, to find an unmarked grave—that could be anywhere.

Meanwhile the world has at this point in time started to see some Seriously Weird Shit, although at this point it's largely In Other Places because that's where everything in the world happens, there is absolutely Nothing Significant In Kansas and probably never will be, but it gives you an idea. Slightly insane and scary idea, but you've hit so many dead ends that it might be worth it.

You're going to try to contact Superman and see if he can use his rumored X-ray vision to figure out what happened to Clark.

…

Just to be clear, I have no idea what the ultimate punchline is for this piece of ridiculous meandering is, and it's the sort of thing that does require a pretty good punchline. So I don't know if it's ever actually going to get written. On the other hand, it is one of my favorite dishes, which is Canon Characters Helping Queer Kid, with a heavy helping of Following Logic-like Structures To Wrong Conclusions sauce.

So I thought I might post the idea, because I have this lovely optimistic belief that sometimes, I am in fact extremely funny, and tumblr is a place that often eggs me on.

[little-mrs-morales]

Public Enemy

Dieter Bravo x PA F!Reader

Summary: Dieter is dramatic about another meme moment from his life.

Warning: lot of Fluff!

"I'm public enemy number one," Dieter moaned dramatically, sprawling across the couch in your shared trailer. A green Sheraton robe slipped off his shoulder in his typical over-the-top fashion. "Did you see the comments? They're calling me a monster! A child kicker! A baby dropper!"

You barely looked up from your phone, scrolling through the endless barrage of emails from PR. Another day, another Bravo scandal. "You didn't kickt he kid, Dieter. You tripped, the kid tripped. Both of you ended up face down on the sidewalk. It's not like you threw them into traffic."

"It doesn��t matter what actually happened!" He sat up, clutching the edge of the robe like a scandalized Victorian widow. "What matters is how it looks! Have you seen the memes? My face is everywhere! There's one of me Photoshopped as a soccer player about to score—"

"Yeah, I’ve seen it," you interrupted chuckling, holding up your phone to show him. "You’re not even in the top 20 trending topics anymore. Taylor Swift’s cat has taken over."

Dieter squinted at the screen like you’d just insulted his entire existence."Wait, I’m not in the top 20? People don’t even care that I kicked a kid?"

"You didn’t kick the kid!" you repeated, your patience fraying at the edges. "And no, they don’t care. The world has moved on, as it always does. You’re not public enemy number one. You’re not even close."

He slumped back against the couch, deflated. "Well, that’s... disappointing. I thought at least I’d get some kind of villain arc out of this."

You couldn’t help but laugh, the sound breaking through his pitiful pout. Setting your phone down, you crossed the room and dropped onto the couch beside him. "Relax, Dieter. You’re not a villain. You’re just… clumsy. And honestly? That kid tripped first. If anything, they should be apologizing to you." 

His eyes lit up like a child being told they could have dessert before dinner. "You think so?" 

"No," you deadpanned, pushing his shoulder lightly. "But I think we can spin this. You’ve got a puppy calendar shoot next week. We’ll post a few pictures, make people forget about the kid thing. Puppies fix everything."

Dieter groaned, flopping dramatically against you. "Fine. But only if you promise to get me one of those puppies after the shoot. I need emotional support after this trauma."

"Trauma?" You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile. "You tripped on the sidewalk. The kid's probably forgotten about it already."

"Yeah, but the memes will live forever," he muttered into your shoulder. 

You sighed, patting his head like the overgrown child he was. "And so will your career, Dieter. Now stop sulking. We’ve got work to do."

For a moment, he was quiet, his head resting comfortably on your shoulder. Then, in typical Dieter fashion, he whispered, "You’ll still love me when I’m canceled, right?"

You didn’t even hesitate. "Dieter, you’re not even in the top 20 reasons people are mad today. You are not gonna get canceled. Definitely not after the puppy calendar."

He grinned, a spark of his usual mischief returning. "Or… I can make a nude calendar," he added, shifting to lay across the couch and dropping his head dramatically into your lap. "I mean, I’m hot as hell. People would eat that up."

You smacked his forehead lightly, earning an exaggerated groan. "Ow! Rude!" he whined, tilting his head to pout at you. "And you can’t even deny it. You do love the nudes I send when we’re apart!"

Your hand instinctively moved to his messy hair, smoothing it out in slow strokes. "Dieter," you warned, trying not to smile. 

He caught the faint curve of your lips and smirked. "See? You can’t deny it. You’re blushing." 

"I am not blushing," you countered, your fingers still threading through his wild curls. 

"You are," he teased, closing his eyes and sinking further into your touch. His voice dropped into a theatrical sigh. "But even if you weren’t, I’d forgive you. Because I’m a generous man. A kind man. A man who loves you even when you’re mean to me."

You rolled your eyes, your fingers gently tugging at his hair. "You’re impossible."

He opened one eye, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Yeah, but I’m your impossible." 

Your teasing expression softened. "You are. And I love you, ridiculousness and all." 

That took the wind out of his dramatics. For a moment, his grin faltered, replaced by something more genuine. "Good," he murmured, his voice quieter now. "Because I love you too."

You smiled, brushing a stray curl from his forehead. "And you’re stuck with me."

"Best decision of your life," he quipped, though his words held none of his usual bravado. He closed his eyes again, his body finally relaxing in your lap. 

As your fingers continued to stroke his hair, he added with a sleepy grin, "Now, about that nude calendar…"

You smacked his shoulder lightly, shaking your head with a laugh. 

"See? Mean to me, wanted one for your eyes only" he mumbled, already halfway to sleep. 

And for once, the world outside didn’t matter. Just you, Dieter, and the soft rhythm of your breathing together. 

[old-fandom]

HELLO! I HAVE AN ESTABLISHED TEEN STANCEST IDEA!

Idk what I would call this but basically, it's "Ford is part of a DD&MD group with a bunch of other asshole losers who basically use Ford for his basement and Stan is the stupid but hot twin brother that the guys all talk made shit about both sexually and bullying wise. Ford is pissed about it."

Basically, Ford is invited into a group at high school with a bunch of other outcast losers who decide to let Ford join because he has a basement they can use to play. They used the play at another guys house but their mom kicked them out after they broke one of her coffee tables wrestling over a dice roll. Ford, for the first time, finally has a group of guys that he could call his friends. These "friends" are assholes. They're comic book snobs and misogynistic white knights and anti-deodorant wearing teenager boys. Think incel but less "I want to kill women" and more "I am smarter than everyone here due to my impressive and ultra rare card binder and everyone else is a poser if you don't know this trivia fact!" But none the less, Ford is accepted into the fold. He's able to actually play the game, or at least, be DM, which he doesn't mind! In fact, he likes being in charge. He's still a little shy but he's slowly cracking out of his shell, being less cagey and more open with jabbing back at the others taunts and even being able to continue the flow of conversation effortlessly. He's able to be nerdly aggressive where his threats, his taunts, his nerdy accomplishments that aren't academic are recognized and envied over. It kind of works for the group and Ford is happy.

Except for one thing.

They all have a thing for Stanley.

And Ford hates that they have a thing for Stanley.

Stanley is perfectly happy with Ford having a friend group, especially one that lets him nerd out to the max. He usually doesn't bother them when they're over, either because he doesn't want to be around that much nerdiness or because the smell shuns him away. But this doesn't mean he hasn't gone down there before.

The first time he went down there, it was to tell Ford that Ma wanted him to take a look at the telephone before he went to bed. She thinks one of the wires is loose again and he might need to fix it. Ford says he will and Stan leaves. That's when the comments start up.

They start jaunting about his wit, asking Ford what it's like to have a dumb jock for a brother. Ford defends Stan, saying he's more than just a dumb jock. In fact, he's not really a jock at all, he just likes boxing. But it doesn't stop the conversation. They start sharing stories about Stans exploits around school, whether it be one of his infamous fights with the Cramplter gang or him being so atrociously stupid in class that the teacher walked out. It finally breaks off once someone rolls a Nat 20 and the campaign continues.

But it doesn't stop completely.

Every time Stanly comes down for something, either to tell Ford something, bring the group snacks that their Ma made for them (swiping one for himself), grabbing something for his Pa to sell, or really anything, the group always starts talking about Stanley. And it makes Ford blood boil. He'll defend him alright, and he'll make their campaign a fucking nightmare for everything they've said, but he's scared to really do something. This is the first friend group he's ever had and he doesn't wanna lose it, even though something in him tells him that he'd be better off without them talking shit about Stanley every time he comes down.

Then the faithful day happens when Stan comes down after a shower, no shirt on, hair wet, wearing a part of dolphin shorts as it's the middle of summer. He's down there grabbing a drink from Ford's DD&MD group snack tray. They took the last of the Pit Cola and he'd be damned if he didn't get one. So he does and leaves without really saying anything, unaware of the eyes staring at him all the way.

Ford braces himself for the onslaught of his brother but nothing. The group continues the game like nothing happened. And Ford is excited because maybe they've finally gotten it together, seen that Stan really isn't just those things, he is so much more. He's kind hearted and compassionate, he's artistic and business smart, he's hands on and crafty, he's strong and hunky and good looking and so so sexy and - Ford has to shake his head. Now is not the time to get a boner.

Ford's Ma calls him in the middle of the game for something and he has to leave them for a second. When he comes back and over hears the group talking about Stan but it's not about how stupid he looks - it's about how slutty he is. He stops on the stairs and listens in.

He hears them make incredibly inappropriate remarks about his brother, about what he must look like on his knees, wishing that they put the drinks on the ground so he would have to bend all the way over in those shorts to get it, that if it weren't for his body, he'd be a waste of air. They joke about having sex with them, calling him slurs, doing things to him that Ford knows first hand Stan does not like to do. They talk about his chub, how they mock him for being fat, but hey, at least he has nice tits. They go on and on about it, unaware of the simmering Ford up the stairs. After hearing enough, Ford finally comes down, making them all unaware that he had been listening in on them for 10 minutes.

That session becomes the hardest, most brutal session, where Ford successfully kills all of their characters off. The guys get pissed at Ford, saying he did that shit on purpose, and Ford answers back that they're lucky it was only their characters he killed off and not the real people behind them, especially after those comments. They get into a fight, the guys saying that Ford shouldn't be wasting his time defending a stupid whore like Stanley, he'd only leave and hold back Ford. Ford finally snaps when one the guys mentions how easy it would be to get with Stanley, no matter what.

Ford ends up fist fighting the guys, beating the shit out of each other, breaking and ruining their game, destroying their papers and character sheets and models. His Pa ends up coming down stairs after hearing the commotion and kicks the guys out, telling them they aren't welcome back until they can pay for the broken table. They scramble and Ford is given a talking to about picking better people to hangout with and to clean up the mess.

Ford goes down stairs to find Stan already down there, going over the mess, still in his shorts and no shirt. Ford, still high on adrenaline, runs smack dab into Stanley, pushing him up against the wall and making out with him. Stan has no idea what spurred him on though he does have an inkling. He pushes Ford back just enough to ask him about the fight, seeing how Ford does have bruises on his knuckles.

Ford tells him it wasn't important, that they weren't all that much fun anyway, he'd rather spend his time with Stanley anyway. Stanley doesn't protest too much, and they end up having sex in the basement before cleaning up the mess.

Later that night, Ford does properly take Stan to bed, making love to him and showering him in praise and acceptance. Stan lets him.

He knew going down their in those shorts would cause a stir, he just didn't know it would go so far into his favor.

[almosthonest]

Luther and Metal Music

was inspired by @desmon1995 's post on derailed so if you have not looked at that please check it out! they had a very great explanation about luther and the connection to rock and roll and i am here to expand on that (which is very on brand for me considering that this is a heavy metal blog).

although rock n' roll was started by POC (as is almost any other genre) most people want to put a white face on it. this has been happening since the sixties (like with the beatles and i think frankie lymon, i will fix this if it's wrong, elvis presley and chuck berry, etc). but this is more about heavy metal. black sabbath is considered one of the bands to be associated with the first to do it (them and deep purple, might i'd add) and they're credited for the new wave of british heavy metal (nwobhm) movement.

metal, especially within the eighties have become not only a male dominated genre, but a white, male dominated genre. they're the ones often doing most of the gatekeeping, the "name three songs" type. anyone who is a poc can probably name an instance where this has happened to them. and a lot of people will call poc "whitewashed" because they listen to alternative genres, when that is simply not the case. we simply created those genres and like everything else, we have been pushed out of them.

now, i wanna talk about going down specifically. if anyone has done their homework (or is a big metal junkie like i am) you will notice that the song sounds a lot like toxicity by nu metal band system of a down. and i honestly don't think this is on accident. i think lmm had something cooking when he did this. (edit : eisa actually had the heavy metal idea i just am sleep deprived/forgot, but you got the point. she was cooking with this idea).

system of a down is an armenian band, all of their members are armenian and they have been out and proud against the armenian genocide and have always been so political about something like this. the fact that luther is a guy with beliefs that contradict that is such a genius move. he wants to watch the world burn and system of a down wants the complete opposite of that. and i know system of a down doesn't come out until the nineties and it absolutely might be a stretch but that's what i think every single time i listen to going down. i think it still stands that luther listens to metal without when realizing to context of what some of it says. metal is also sometimes political and most of it leans left, especially in the eighties.

also metal is interpreted to be "angry-sounding". luther could've been angry at a multitude of things. like cyrus wanting to form an alliance against cops (and i actually stand by the theory that victor is luther's father, thanks @sopaprimordialy ). which once again, contradicts many of the beliefs of the metal genre and the metalhead subculture.

in conclusion, but sorry luther, you're kind of a poser. all jokes aside though. luther is once again the established white face. he is someone who camouflages into the subculture and can do it very well because of its known aggressiveness (and even some metalheads today unfortunately would have the same beliefs as luther. i blame pantera, specifically phil anselmo, their lead singer. dumbass). it is just that easy to be a metalhead and be angry at the wrong things at hand.

[churino]

Design for Big Daddy (yes she's a real character)

She's the leader of the hot rod patrol, like the rest of the team, she's a younger bot, lacking real maturity, seen in her justified but frankly childish crusade against hot rod. Throughout hot rod's gradual rise, big daddy and her team criticized him at every step but with their constant pressure hot rod improved. He wouldn't be half the leader he eventually becomes without them.

Big Daddy was an early adopter of Greaser's sense of style, born on lower omega supreme on the ark, she was born tougher than tough and stronger than strong, but the other bots would often try to push her around, because of her small size, in time she would get sick of it and begin to test other people to see if they're worthy of her, which eventually formed into her unique ideology, all leadership must be tested if it is fit to lead,

A long time ago now, she picked up hot rod to join her team, gifted son of paradronian immigrants, who's seen life from every angle even at an early age. she saw potential in him for great things but his time on the team turned hot rod into an overconfident arrogant and self absorbed jerk, who thought the world was already promised to him, and when the time came it became clear he wanted to be some kind of authority, the hot rod patrol tested him as they would do to anybody else and he failed.

Big daddy was directly responsible for throwing hot rod to optimus' team, but was actually distraught when the team was thought to be dead. When Cosmo's message reached the ark, the hot rod patrol broke into the wreckers' workshop and stole an experimental ship to come to earth as fast as possible but the ship was so fast they were unable to land it properly, stranding them on earth with the other autobots.

While on earth they fell under prime's leadership where they became rivals to the throttlebots. They would constantly test hot rod's team's patience among other things, every step they take, every kilometer they rolled, the hot rod patrol would be one step ahead, one city block away, until hot rod just couldn't take it anymore, locked himself up in his room and passed his duties to bumblebee, (don't worry he'll get better)

So anyway. about that name.. within their culture, new transformers just pick their own names, and usually, it's the first thing they ever do. as a result, most names seem very immature operating on wordplay or references, Changing names does happen, but it's rare and meaningful to them big daddy is called that because of a character from a movie she liked

[tache-noire]

gc2b is bad BECAUSE of the rigid front panel. it's DANGEROUS. I have a nb cousin I spoke to at the family christmas party this year, and they told me they had just bought a gc2b binder and yes, it makes their chest flat. but they also CAN'T BREATHE. That rigid front panel is the reason you don't use tape and bandages to bind-- you NEED stretch because your ribcage needs to expand so that you can breathe. You need stretch so that the rest of your body can bend and move without looking like you have a piece of cardboard under your clothes.

GC2B goes as far as to say that their binders are safe to exercise and even swim in, and that's a complete crock of shit that's going to get people hurt. My cousin nearly fainted in PE because they couldn't breathe in it.

And my cousin is very thin. you are COMPLETELY fucked if you're wearing anything above a large. I just bought one of their half binders, put it on, and immediately put it back in the bag to return it. Like most clothing manufacturers, GC2B doesn't actually put any thought or effort into creating plus sized options, there's no consideration for how larger bodies are built and shaped and most importantly, how gravity affects them. What happens when you take your standard size-- made for a medium with, say, C-cup breasts-- and just scale it up width-wise and call it a day? Every fat person with large breasts than hang lower has them spill out the bottom of the binder. The only way to counteract this is to push them up higher-- which completely defeats the purpose because it gives you noticable cleavage and a mono-boob. Not to mention, the extra fat and skin spills out of the arm holes and chafes, and you get dog-earing from that rigid, no-stretch panel in the front. And as soon as you move around even a little bit, your breasts will fall right back down, and you'll have to shove your hand up under your shirt to put them back.

And of course, the vast majority of fat people are not shaped like flat featureless cylinders. That's the shape you'll get from that rigid panel, it looks fucking weird and everyone can tell you're wearing some kind of shapewear.

You know what I've worn for over three years, gone to concerts in, gone to the gym in, ridden a bike, jumped around, lifted weights in and even SLEPT in extremely comfortably, all with an extremely masculine silhouette?

An underworks binder. I had issues with my old one riding up too-- because I bought one of their classic ones that was a size too small, and refused to replace it because I figured smaller = binds better. It doesn't, it's just uncomfortable. If you get a binder and it rolls up, get a larger size.

My tip top recommendation is their cotton binders. They only come in black and white, but like I said, they're so comfortable you can sleep in them. I have one that's actually a size larger than I need, because I was worried about it being uncomfortable, and it binds perfectly. I'm a fat man, even if I was cis, I'd have tits. I still have a little bit of tit in this binder, but it's a masculine amount for my size. And more importantly (for me personally), it hugs my belly into a taut, round shape, which is more masculine-looking than the very soft loose fat I have naturally. (cis men generally develop hard abdominal fat more easily)

Underworks has been in the business of masculine shapewear for DECADES. Their entire business is built on reducing gynecomastia. They know what they're doing. They know what cis men want to see and what they consider gender-affirming for their bodies, and there's no difference between that and what will help trans men pass.

the sad thing is, I can find good reviews for GC2B from several years ago. The bad ones are relatively new. They USED to be good, and it seems that their quality has taken a nosedive.

edit: also, underworks cotton binders are literally the same damn price as GC2B's bullshit. You're not even getting a better deal or anything.

edit 2: forgot to mention, the only way i was able to get the half binder to fit even remotely well was to put it on backwards.

i know people rag on gc2b but. i don't really get why? i have like 5 underworks binders of various size and model and none of them bind well on me and roll up constantly. gc2b requires adjustment every now and then but that's normal for any garment. but binders with a stiffened front panel are binding, all stretch with no solid panel just acts like a shitty sports bra. i don't get it. half convinced people just say shit because they got One with mid stitching and decided all of their product must be just like that, and that underworks must have superior binding because they make things for cis men. which i don't think is true for comfort or binding.

I don't honestly know either- I haven't bought a binder for about 3 years and before that for another 3 or 4, so I can only say that it was a recent development that I see people complaining about the quality of gc2b. They've always worked for me but yes, they do fall apart after a while. When I started binding, it was a known thing that you would be replacing your binder yearly, and maybe if you took very good care of your binder you could get away with every 2-3, with specific care notes on how to make your binders last longer. It does make me wonder if somewhere we lost track of that.

I do know some of the people complaining about gc2b are well outside of the sizes the company makes their clothes in. This is a fair complaint in my mind because I am not a particularly big person (and my doctor called me obese at my last weight check due to BMI) and I am already in the XXL/XXXL range. I do think that a restructuring of sizing and also offering larger sizing should happen. And I again wonder if that is part of the problem- people squeezing themselves into a binder that is inherently too small for them is absolutely going to wear that binder out way quicker.

Another complaint I've seen is that they don't bind well enough for the particularly well endowed. I have fairly medium sized breasts myself so I can't speak to that on personal experience, but I do have a friend who is at the top end of gc2b's range who has breasts that are both larger and saggier than mine and he is quite satisfied with his binding experience. That being said, anyone larger than him would be SOL, so again, it does sound like there is a significant sizing problem.

I do have a friend who prefers the old style of underworks which had a binding front panel the full length of the garment, which has since been deemed unsafe and discontinued en mass for most binder companies. He had a dysphoria related panic attack meltdown the first time he put on a gc2b because the front panel being only chest-length felt far too much like a bra to him. He has fairly significant chest dysphoria and he also has been binding since he started growing breasts during puberty, and is significantly older than me, so I've long chalked that up to different world and dysphoria. He has since gotten used to the gc2b style and still wears them, but it was quite startling for him.

If I weren't having top surgery hopefully soon, I would still be buying gc2b, and when I buy binders for trans guys starting out I buy from that company unless they tell me a different company preference. Like I offered to buy someone a shapeshifters a few months ago because he was saying that he wouldn't fit a gc2b and wanted to bind and had a specific binder in mind. But otherwise if someone who I know fits in their size range asks, I still refer people to that company, because I and my friends have not had problems.

[divinekangaroo]

What Tommy secretly likes about Lizzie in bed you reckon?

The Alfie shaped dildo killed me XD

Which brings me to the question - are you still planning to write their Paris honeymoon fic?

XD my writing strength/pleasure is taking the most crack seeming premise and making it heartbreaking because let me tell you, wow, did i want that to be an absolute tearjerker

*

Honeymoon fic - it's still on the timeline list as one of three bits of interest for me between S4 and S5, and I've more than half outlined it, but I've been hit with an Absolute Plague of Anxiety lately really crimping recreational activity. The kind that makes opening a partial doc which made perfect sense when I wrote it and read it previously, suddenly seem like a pile of gibberish stacked on top of itself.

So I'm slowing down to try to sort out what's going on, get back into myself again a little. Mostly, I think the anxiety it's the ominous impending cascade of Demands with work, daycare, parental aging needs, legal stuff, financial stuff all lining up, plus ongoing baby-led minor sleep deprivation. Putting sentences together in coherent ways starts to feel like another Demand that my instinctive self is noping out of; but I've been through this before and just have to work through it somehow...

*

Ooh, is that a headcanon!Tommy or a canon!Tommy question? Headcanon sex stuff is easy, I've a long slippery line of these leveraging from (extrapolating? diverging? offshooting from?) very random canon fragments, such as writing his softness/fondness of looking at Lizzie's bare feet actually triggered by my personal OMG NO when Diana stepped on Tommy's boat with her stockinged feet, rather than anything he's ever done with Lizzie's feet. I could go on if this is what you mean?

But canon interpolation feels quite difficult because of how they play the sex scenes - with exception of Tatiana and That Act, which is reused repeatedly throughout the series, the fact he's having sex and/or who with (and the conversations before/after the sex) seems dominant, so there's not a lot of internal sexual interpolation available. He just kind of...has sex. (This is one reason why I was fascinated with the show, TBH: dude has lots of sex and fits a certain stereotype because of that but actually seems kind of...put out by it? performs but doesn't really get into it? is often clearly into the person he's having sex with, but the sex, while enjoyable, is just what's now necessary and he's not particularly for or against it in any personal way?)

If anything, I'd say it's probably Lizzie's facial expressions particularly S5 onwards as intimacy increases: unlike the other sex scenes which are filmed full body, lots of nudity, touching etc, the Lizzie scenes by contrast have Tommy paying a lot of attention to her face more than anything else (albeit that in itself is a consequence of needing to be filmed, and possibly Natasha O'Keeffe has a no-nudity preference they needed to respect? Their scenes are notably different anyway). Even in S2/over the desk, there is a certain kind of Complicated Look he wears when he takes in her face and her sadness, in the aftermath. And if you look at the whole head-cradling, face-smooshing, nose bumping, nuzzling kind of stuff he does to show his connection with others, I imagine a not-too-far stretch is that he likes looking at her very closely throughout. So my bet is on him getting a full secret kick of feeling when he inadvertently makes her smile before/during/after, big and broad and unexpected, like, that’s for me no one else but me I did that, especially because she so hardly ever smiles like that.

[ladyaster]

After Isa's redemption in KH3, I'll never find it not funny as a huge fan of FFVIII that the fanon consensus is that the new "nemesis" of the Seasalt Trio or at least Roxas and Xion is Seifer.

I dunno how much of the KH fandom has played FFVIII, and in-universe it makes sense given Seifer is the "neighborhood bully" of Twilight Town. However, given what VIII players know about him, it's hilarious and cathartic to see these two kids either bonk him with copied claymores in response to him trying to intimidate them into giving him their ice cream money, curbstomp him at Struggle right after calling them "lamers" or "chicken wusses", or accidentally drop half-eaten popsicles on his face when, in his universe of origin, Seifer was a major war criminal who, among other things, dropped all sorts of horrible endgame monsters including actual malboros onto a hugely populated city (which like any VIII fan can tell you, malboros are already nope on a stick in general, but in VIII in particular they're excessively brutal).

Roxas and Xion are just delivering Seifer some belated karma from 1999 is all and I'm loving every second of it.

[sysig]

VUXPet (Patreon)

[miidnighters]

She, at least, is right there. Ankha might be short, but she's not an unheard of kind of short. It's just with Isaac's towering stature, the difference is much more clear.

He watches her take a swig from the bottle with amusement. She certainly made herself comfortable in new spaces quite quickly - a trait that they did not share.

Still, he invites her to sit down, pushing the mug of cider her way as well.

"A sword, huh?" Isaac has decided to roll with the punches, now. A sword is probably not the weirdest thing to happen in the course of this conversation. "Maybe I should try it."

It's not like his arms are sticks, from where he spends a lot of time outside tending to his trees. But they're not quite her size either.

Ankha is wonderfully vindicated as he laughs; she does enjoy being suitably amusing when the circumstance arises. She snickers, and promptly steps close to graciously accept the bottle.

"I am a perfectly normal size person," she claims. It's possibly true for the time she was born, but that was some eight centuries ago at this point. "You're the silly one."

The warrior takes a drink directly from the bottle, even the delay of pouring a glass apparently unacceptable right now. It burns and she hisses out a sharp breath, but it does rather hit the spot.

"Youch. That's the stuff." She sounds quite comedically choked when she says it, and combined with her accent— possibly even funnier. "Thanks. I do try. But I mean, you try swinging a sword around a few hours a day and not packing on a little muscle." Well. More than a little, in this case.

[cappucosmico]

since god's worst weed adventure my brain just feels Worse at processing things. which is unfortunate, bc my brain has notoriously already been bad at processing things

[faedotexe]

So i'm working on a tiny roll & write about being a giant dragonness and conquering the land and burninating the countryside and uh I'm kind of trying to make """"""art""""" for it lmao

chat is this cringe

[kaijutegu]

Alligator Body Language and You, or: How To Know When An Alligator On Social Media is Being Stressed for Views

Alligators are wild animals. Despite the idiotic claims of animal abusers like Jay Brewer, they cannot be domesticated, which means they are always going to react on the same natural instincts they've had for millions of years. Habituated, yes. Tamed, yes. Trained, definitely. Crocodilians can form bonds with people- they're social and quite intelligent. They can solve problems, use tools, and they're actually quite playful. Alligators are also really good at communicating how they're feeling, but to somebody who doesn't spend much time around them, their body language can be a bit mystifying. And it doesn't help when social media influencers are saying shit like this:

That is not what a happy gator looks like.

That's a terrified, furious gator who isn't attacking because the ogre handling her has her in a chokehold. She's doing everything she can to express her displeasure, and he's lying about it because he knows his audience doesn't even know how to think critically about what he's doing. He knows that because his audience doesn't know anything about these animals, he can get away with it. This I think is why I hate him so much- he deliberately miseducates his audience. He knows what he's doing is factually inaccurate, he just doesn't care because attention means more to him than anything else in the world.

Let's change that! Here are two really important lessons for understanding alligator body language on social media.

Lesson 1: Alligators Don't Smile (in fact, most animals don't)

So what's going on in this video? Jay Brewer is aggressively choking his white alligator Coconut while scrubbing algae off of her with a toothbrush. And make no mistake, he is digging into the creature's throat while she is visibly distressed. He claims she's happy- but she's not. He is willfully misrepresenting what this animal is feeling. That's a problem, because people... well, we actually kind of suck at reading other species' body language. The reason for this is that we tend to overlay our own responses on their physical cues, and that's a problem. For example, let's look at an animal with a really similar face to ours, the chimpanzee. Check out Ama's toothy grin!

Wait, no. That's not a happy smile. That's a threat display. When a chimpanzee "smiles," it's either terrified and doing a fear grimace, or it's showing you its teeth because it intends on using them in your face.

How about a dog? Look at my smiling, happy puppy!

Oh wait no, this is a picture of Ryder when he was super overwhelmed by noise and people during a holiday party. He'd hopped up in my sister's lap to get away from stuff that was happening on the floor and was panting quite heavily. See the tension in the corners of his mouth and his eyes? A lot of the time when a dog "smiles," the smile isn't happy. It's stress! Why Animals Do The Thing has a nice writeup about that, but the point is, our body language is not the same as other species. And for reptiles, body language is wildly different.

For instance, look at these two alligators. Pretty cute, right? Look at 'em, they're posing for a Christmas card or something! How do you think they're feeling?

Well, I'll tell you how the normal one is feeling. He's annoyed! Why is he annoyed? Because the albino just rolled up, pushed another gator off the platform, and is trying to push this guy, too. I know this because I actually saw it happen. It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. He's not gaping all the way, but he was hissing- you can actually see him getting annoyed in the sequence I took right before this shot. Look at him in this first shot here- he's just relaxing, and you can see he isn't gaping even a little bit.

By the end, he's expressing displeasure, but not enough to actually do anything about it. He's annoyed, but he's comfy and that's where one of the best basking areas is, so he'll put up with it.

Reptiles open their mouths wide for a lot of reasons, but never because they are actively enjoying a sensation. Unless they're eating. No reptile smiles- they can't. They don't even have moveable lips. If a reptile is gaping, it's doing so because:

It is doing a threat display.

It is making certain vocalizations, all of which are threats. Alligators are one of the rare reptiles that do regularly vocalize, but most of their calls aren't made with a wide open mouth.

It is about to bite something delicious or somebody stupid. Check out this video- virtually all of the gaping here is anticipatory because these trained gators know darn well that the bowl is full of delicious snacks. (I have some issues with Florida's Wildest, but the man knows how to train a gator AND he is honest about explaining what they're doing and why, and all of his animals are healthy and well-cared for, and he doesn't put the public or his staff at risk- just himself.)

It's too hot and it has opened its mouth to vent some of that heat and thermoregulate. This is the main reason why alligators will often have their mouths part of the way open, but sometimes they'll open all the way for thermoregulation. This is what a thermoregulatory gape looks like- usually it's not all the way open, kinda more like < rather than V, but you can't say that 100% of the time. Additionally, a thermoregulatory gape... typically happens when it's hot out. If they're inside, maybe they've been under their basking light for too long. Heat's the dominant factor, is what I'm getting at.

There is another reason that a captive crocodilian might be gaping, and that's because it's doing so on command. Some places have their gators trained to gape on cue, like St. Augustine Alligator Farm and other good zoos. They have the animals do this in presentations that are genuinely educational. They ask the animals to open their mouths so that they can show off their teeth and demonstrate how their tongues seal off the back of their mouth. They'll also do it as part of routine healthcare, because looking at their teeth is important.

In this case, the animals aren't gaping because they're stressed, they're gaping because they know they're gonna get a piece of chicken or fish if they do it. And what's more, they're doing it on cue. They have a specific command or signal that tells them to open wide. It's not an instinctive response to a situation. It's trained. If the animal provides the behavior after a cue, the situation is much less likely to be negatively impactful.

It's also important to remember that there's a difference between a partially open mouth and a gape! As discussed above, alligators will often have their mouths a little bit open just to maintain temperature homeostasis. It helps them stay comfy, temperature-wise. These guys are all doing thermoregulatory open-mouthed behavior- that slight open and relaxed body posture is a dead giveaway. (That and it's the hottest spot in the enclosure.)

Lesson 2: A Happy Gator Is A Chill Gator

So if alligators don't smile or have facial expressions other than the :V that typically signifies distress, how else can you tell how they're feeling? One way is stillness. See, alligators subscribe to the philosophy of if it sucks... hit da bricks.

Basically, if they hate it, they'll leave. Unless, y'know, somebody has their meaty claws digging into their throat or is otherwise restraining them. (Restraint isn't always bad, btw. Sometimes the animal is going through a medical thing or needs to be restrained for their safety- which a responsible educator will explain.)

Let's look at a very similar scenario, in which a captive alligator is getting his back scrubbed.

As you can see, it's quite different. First, he's not being restrained at all. Second, look at how relaxed he is! He's just chilling there vibing! He could simply get up and leave if he wanted to, because he's not being held. Towards the end of the video, as he lifts his head, you can see that his respiratory rate is very even as his throat flutters a bit. I'm not sure what this facility is, so I can't comment on care/general ethics, but like. In this specific case, this is an alligator enjoying being scrubbed! And you can tell because he's not doing anything. A happy gator is content to be doing what they're doing.

Why Should I Listen To You?

Now, you should ask yourself, why should you listen to me? Why should you trust me, who does not own an alligator, versus Jay Brewer, who owns several?

Well, first off, there's no profit for me in telling you that what you're seeing on social media is in fact not what you're being told you're seeing. I'm not getting paid to do this. That's the thing with people who make social media content. The big names aren't doing it just for fun. They're doing it for money. Whether that's profit through partnerships or sponsorships, or getting more people to visit their facilities, or ad revenue, you can't ignore the factor of money. And this is NOT a bad thing, because it allows educators to do what they're passionate about! People deserve to be paid for the work that they do!

But the problem starts when you chase the algorithm instead of actually educating. A "smiling" alligator gets the views, and if people don't know enough to know better, it keeps getting the views. People love unconventional animal stories and they want those animals to be happy- but the inability to even know where to start with critically evaluating these posts really hinders the ability to spread real information. Like, this post will probably get a couple hundred notes, but that video of Coconut being scrubbed had almost 400,000 likes when I took that screenshot. Think about how many eyeballs that's reached by now. What I'm saying here is that it's just... really important to think critically about who you're getting your information from. What do dissenters say in the comments? What do other professionals say? You won't find a single herpetologist that has anything good to say about Prehistoric Pets, I can tell you that right now.

Another reason you can trust me is that my sources are not "just trust me bro," or "years of experience pretending my pet shop where animals come to die is a real zoo." Instead, here are my primary sources for my information on alligator behavior:

Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations- Vladimir Dinets

The Secret Social Lives of Reptiles- J. Sean Doody, Vladimir Dinets, Gordon M. Burghardt

Social Behavior Deficiencies in Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Z Walsh, H Olson, M Clendening, A Rycyk

Social Displays of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)- Kent Vliet

Social Signals and Behaviors of Adult Alligators and Crocodiles- Leslie Garrick, Jeffery Lang

Never smile at a crocodile: Gaping behaviour in the Nile crocodile at Ndumo Game Reserve, South Africa- Cormac Price, Mohamed Ezat, Céline Hanzen, Colleen Downs (this one's Nile crocs, not American alligators, but it's really useful for modeling an understanding of gape behaviors and proximity)

Thermoregulatory Behavior of Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Cheryl S. Asa, Gary D. London, Ronald R. Goellner, Norman Haskell, Glenn Roberts, Crispen Wilson

Unprovoked Mouth Gaping Behavior in Extant Crocodylia- Noah J. Carl, Heather A. Stewart, Jenny S. Paul

Thank you for reading! Here's a very happy wild alligator from Sanibel for your trouble.

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[crest-of-gautier]

4 hour session of pq today :3 here are some of the screenshots i took, mostly related to yosuke... (IM DISEASED ABOUT HIM!!! yosuke mentions are some of my favorite parts of this game!!!)

im 38%-ish done with the 3rd floor of the 2nd labryinth! i don't really have much to say this time because i think i mostly did battling, but i think that interactions with aigis and koromaru are a highlight for me... i love how loved koromaru is!

and i am also pleased to say that the exp sacrifice mechanic has been unlocked. thank fucking god. i keep getting personas flooding into my inventory and im here like "nooo stop that rn!!!"

mechanics-wise i think the only thing left right now is being able to obtain skill cards outside of quests and treasure... maybe they'll give that to me in a later dungeon (i would be very grateful, i love life aid from archangel and would love to transfer it to another navi-oriented persona for fuuka)