#just jittery rn

[bunny-j3st3r]

It was weird because I was being asked some questions about my mood swings and how bad my paranoia can get like to the point I think my friends are not real and they were like "uh... Huh..." And then they were just "okay so we're going to refer you to the mental health services because we think there might be something more that autism and ADHD" and I was just like oh yeah I know BPD because I've been waiting forever to see someone and my fucking face like "oh we can test for that but we acutally sending you for bipolar" LIKE HUH?

anyway it's nice to know that my moods might be for like an actual reason and the fact I get overwhelmed with emotions more than regular ass people and letting them all build up is not good lmfaoooo.

I also have my stress rash they want to look into as well because they think it's my brain sending the wrong signals to my body and it makes me itchy and feel ill but it's likeeee w/e.

Fucked up it took what it did for me to explode with emotions but I think if it didn't happen then it was gonna happen over something else.

I also don't have access to pain killers for a bit unless under supervision until we know I ain't gonna try and over take them y/k

[keeps-ache]

i'm on some sort of kick lol

[b4kuch1n]

technically this came in after I got home from theater but sure I'll do it why not. anmitsu dessert bowl wizard babeyy

[nikadd]

anybody else pent up with something more than usual today or is it just me

[farharbour]

sorry i'm about to be super annoying about a lot of stuff today i've forgotten to take my meds two nights in a row (oops!) and i'm cycling hard into a manic episode

[pertinax--loculos]

So, instead of writing or doing anything else remotely productive, tonight I elected to make some banners for the Vibes WIP.

(Honestly, they're really too big to be banners and too small to be, like, covers, so it's genuinely me just fucking around in order to feel productive. But hey! It's my blog so i'll cry if i want to I do what I want. :D)

So, behold! (With some additional comments, because why the hell not?)

First! Ignoring tumblr killing the quality, I like this because it's not particularly location-specific, but it still encompasses the city-feel with the railways.

Second! I think I like this one more, but the location is obvious (to anyone who lives where I do), with the added disadvantage that if you don't live where I do, the reference to the railways is not immediately obvious. 🤔 So, realistically, the first one is the better of the two, but I still like the vibe of this one a lot.

If you have an opinion, feel free to let me know! ^_^ Dunno if I'll actually use either of these, but it's killed an hour or so this arvo which is of course the main thing lmaooo

[kotaerukoto]

I'm trapped between wanting to write something happy and low stakes and something full of conflict and character development

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

about to scream

[rotzaprachim]

andor and the six of crows book duology have a lot of stylistic overlap in terms of providing extremely grounded, brutal, and surprisingly empathetic and historically grounded insights into the “ordinary person” characters of secondary fantasy worlds, but they also share the extremely key feature of the yes/no/yes cringe like. this is a star wars. that is a peak booktok era ya novel with a netflix adaptation. absolutely andor is a star wars. absolutely six of crows is part of that specific genre of fantasy. and yet. and fucking YET. 

[plugnuts]

I saw this tiktok where someone pointed out that tweek gets really twitchy when he’s around Kyle bc he’s nervous & has feelings for him and now I wanna rewatch every episode to see for myself 😭 (had to tell you bc I see you ship them!!)

WHAT! That’s so cute!! Tbf it would probably be most prevalent in season 6 if anything? Bc it has the most Tweek content (begging for more Tweek in the upcoming season) and also doesn’t have Creek (even tho I love this ship too)!! TIME TO REWATCH SEASON 6!

But the rest of the seasons HHH like the most recent ep I watched (Hell On Earth 2006) literally had Tweek worried for Kyle and it had me just,,,, 🥺

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

Alden and Kodiak have known each other since their early twenties, have been best friends for just as long. Back then it wasn't about being on the run, about having bounties on their heads. It was just the two of them and eventually a small group of friends causing trouble, stealing supplies, helping where they could

It was also during one of these nights of causing trouble for the orokin/local authorities that Kodiak's leg was injured, and due to not having access to good enough care for it (and over the years, ending up on the run not being conductive of things like physical therapy) it never healed right

It was a smack upside the head for Alden, that what they were doing was truly dangerous. He wasn't going to stop doing it, but he tried to at least get Kodiak out. His injured leg was a good point to argue. While he kept joining the group in their troublemaking, over time it became obvious to everyone involved that he could no longer keep up, until Alden just refused to let him come along anymore

They remained close and Kodiak struggled having to deal with being newly disabled, trying to keep himself afloat despite his criminal record, and being separated from all his friends - bc yes while theyd still come and hang out with him, nothing was the same, he no longer felt like Part Of The Group anymore. Alden esp missed him like hell but absolutely refused to bring him back into trouble and beat himself up for wishing he could (and then also for playing favourites)

This went on for a few months before the authorities breathing down the group's necks could no longer be ignored. And so Alden came to say goodbye to Kodiak before all of them could do it as a group. Bc they'd have to skip town, find somewhere else to hide out for the time being, no intentions of stepping down but they needed to Leave. And no matter how much Kodiak begged Alden to let him come with, he wouldn't allow it. He couldn't

In hindsight, Alden should've been suspicious that Kodiak gave up maybe a bit too fast, but he was too busy feeling sad and trying to enjoy one last evening with his best friend

Early next morning, Kodiak came to say goodbye to the group one last time. Except he did so carrying what little he owned and couldn't do without on his back. Ready with every argument he could gather about making himself useful, about what he could do to help without the risk of falling behind. Everything meticulously planned out

He barely had to present any of it. The group all wanted their friend back. And Alden had never been good at saying no to him

[mars-ipan]

trying to let myself just be in this headspace but it is so uncomfortable

[zmbiicrsh]

i just had a full day of blocking out my thoughts and now that im alone with them its kind of scary

[awkward-smirks]

.

[llycaons]

uh oh I forgot chai tea has caffeine in it