#just internally groaning whenever they go back to the team

[ninthdoctorr]

they keep killing suzie is such a good but also frustrating episode because we got indira varma giving the performance of a lifetime giving suzie so much complexity and the conversations with gwen especially in the car are so fucking good

and then back on the base the rest of the team are locked in because suzie turned a man into a sleeper activation code based on a poem and they need the isbn of the book to fix it which they get from the cops after letting them make fun of the torchwood team for a while.

the tone guys!!!

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 18: First Impressions Are Often Correct

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter eighteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 11.6K

Warnings: I'm going to rate this one 18+ just to be on the safe side. :) References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Mentions of Death, Blood, Gore, Possessive Soldier Boy, Protective Soldier Boy, Soft Soldier Boy, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: I'm so sorry, I know this has been a long time coming. I work hard, but writer's block works harder tbh.

It had to be herogasm. You think to yourself with an audible groan looking up at the mid-century house from your position in the tree-line while watching the couples on the back porch writhe against one another.

The three hour drive from your apartment to Vermont had been uneventful and quiet. Every once in a while Ben would whisper something to you and you would half answer, but only because your mind was somewhere else or rather on someone else.

It was on Rosemary. She had stopped trying to text you or call you, and the silence was worse. You had no idea what she was going to do or what she was thinking. It was a miracle that she hadn’t shown up to your apartment and kicked down the front door before you left. You knew she was angry about the whole situation. And the sooner you dealt with the twins the sooner you could go see her.

Of course you still had no idea how you were going to bring up the conversation with Ben and you knew that there was no way he would let you just leave with no explanation to go talk to her.

This is why I hate texting. I should have just gone to see her, I shouldn’t have told her that Ben was back in a text, if anything that's a three drink minimum. Hell, she's probably half way through a second bottle of wine by now. Something that you also had considered several times today. Guess sobriety is going out the window. Shocker.

Ben kept asking you what was wrong, sensing your discomfort on the drive and held your hand tightly between the two of you, but you only shook your head whenever he asked. He thought that you were having second thoughts of going after the twins, but that was the one thing you were sure of. They deserved to pay for what they did, all of your team did. Anger rises beneath your skin like a roaring crowd when you think of all the years Ben spent alone in Russia being tortured and experimented on. Years that you could have stopped if only you'd known, years that he could never get back, memories that wouldn't fade in the next decade or two, and memories that you hoped you could replace by making him feel loved, by holding him close, and allowing yourself to forget the memories that still plagued you when you thought about the past.

But you still didn't know how the hell you were going to tell him about Rosemary. Every moment it felt like the words were going to vomit out of your mouth, but you clamped your jaw shut. You didn’t want to talk about Rosemary in front of Butcher and Hughie, didn’t want to tell Ben like that. What you needed to say about Rosemary and Lou didn’t deserve to be shouted at him or said in haste, you wanted to sit Ben down and tell him, give him time to adjust to the idea. Because you had no idea how he was going to react to the news that he was a dad and a grandfather.

Would he pull away again? Would he run? Would he leave me? Those thoughts kept swirling around your mind like a mixtape. You were scared that by telling him about her would make him go cold like he did the moment you told him you loved him. You remembered the distant look that replaced his smile as soon as you had uttered those three little words.

Little but not simple. Three little words that launched ships and started a hundred wars. Three little words with the power to create and the power to destroy. Three words that Ben had said to you more times than you could count since he came back to you, and three words you wished you never stopped hearing him say, the three words you always wanted him to say to you.

If Ben pushed you away now, you knew that you wouldn't survive it this time, knew that there was no going back. Which made you more fearful about Rosemary's reaction to Ben coming back into your life.

You were afraid that Rosemary would give you an ultimatum and make you choose between her and Lou or Ben. You really hoped that it didn’t come to that. You had just gotten Ben back and you didn’t want to have to pick between him and your family.

Because Ben is family too. You knew that deep down in your bones, even after everything that happened, Ben was your family. He was the only person who knew you inside and out, the only man you’d ever loved and the only person who understood you. You couldn’t turn your back on him and you didn’t want to shut him out. Not when you loved him more than life itself.

Your frown deepens as you continue to watch the people on the back porch while your supe hearing picks up the moans and sounds of the couples inside and the subtle thump of music, new pop songs that you didn't understand and didn't try. You were up with the times, but it didn't mean you had to like what was happening or the new music being produced no matter how hard Rosemary tried to get you to listen to it.

You sigh again, trying to drown out the sounds by focusing on the wind moving through the trees and the birds flitting through the branches overhead, but it wasn’t working. The beautiful day was already ruined by the loud and messy sounds from the inside of the house. 

“Always wanted to bring you to one of these Sweetheart.” Ben glances over at you with a cheeky grin, lowering the binoculars from his eyes, but then he notes your frown. “Then again-“ His hand comes around your waist to pull you into him. “That means I would have had to share you with someone else, and I’d much rather have you all to myself.”

 You can feel his smirk against your ear, but it does little ease your anxiety about Rosemary and the looming conversation you were going to have with Ben when this was over.

Hughie had disappeared a few moments ago to scout out the inside and to find the twins, while Butcher was doing a walk of the perimeter, leaving you and Ben to wait for the all clear. A welcome break, because every few minutes Hughie would play with a Geiger counter and the high pitched creak-like squeak was giving you a headache. Not to mention annoying you. You'd only been able to have a few sips of your coffee this morning after Butcher and Hughie burst into you apartment, but at least your anxiety was picking up the slack.

Because of course it was.

The house in front of you looked innocent enough on the outside, big windows light wood,  but now that you were here, you really didn’t want to go inside. Despite wanting to face the twins, you didn’t want to go inside and be reminded of the one reason why you stayed away from Herogasm.

At least today we aren’t attending it as much as crashing it.

“Why do you think I hated going to Herogasm?” You murmur, frown deepening at you continue to stare at the house.  The memories of the past had an ugly way of crashing down on you and despite not wanting to make Ben feel guilty, keeping them to yourself made you feel worse. Plus you figured he knew when you were lying, because Ben was basically a human lie detector when it came to you.

Ben sighs, his warm breath washing over the side of your face as his arm tightens around your waist to secure you to him. “Sweetheart please look at me.” His voice is comforting, filled with emotion, but you still don't look at him.

“What?” You whisper, mind still a million miles away.

His fingertips come under your chin to turn your face to his. Ben’s green eyes lock with yours, soft and apologetic, familiar in the best way and weird given the fact that he was wearing his uniform. You’d never seen him look so sorry when he was dressed up as Soldier Boy.

“I would have killed any man who tried to touch you, especially after the night we shared together. When Vogelbaum danced with you I wanted to rip his arms off.”  His eyes darken.

You remembered the way he watched Vogelbaum and you dance together at the premiere with the cameras flashing in your eyes, but then the image of Countess plastered to his hip arises. The way she ran her hands up his chest, the way he turned his gaze away from you to stare at her.

“Yes, but see I never killed any woman that touched you-“

Double standard much?

“Well-“

“Countess doesn’t count.” You snap.

Ben’s thumb strokes along your jaw, before his expression softens again. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve apologized-“ You sigh, suddenly guilty. You hadn't meant to snap at him like that, you were on edge because of Rosemary, not because of what Ben did in the past. You were already starting to forgive him for what he did.

“Not for this.” He takes in a deep breath before he pulls you closer to him. “I’m sorry that I made you think I didn’t want you. Because I do. I don't want anyone else, haven't ever wanted anyone else like I want you. I was so stupid. I fucked those other women because I couldn’t handle how I felt about you and I didn’t think that you would ever want me even a fraction of how much I want you-“

“More.” You whisper before you can stop yourself, laying your hand against the front of his suit.

“That is impossible.” Ben smiles faintly.

You toy with the material, plucking it between your fingers. “It’s okay. I understand why you did it. But it was hard to watch you with them.” You try to fight the image of him and Countess again, that is quickly followed by the memories of the many women over the years you’d see Ben with in public and of course the memory of the first and only Herogasm you ever went to, the one you left early because you couldn’t bear to see Ben with anyone else. The same one that you swore you saw Ben watching you just as closely when Noir tried to reach out for you and you walked away.

It’s different now. You think to yourself. Ben said that he’s wanted me this whole time and I believe him. I don’t think he would lie about something like that, not to mention he’s been more open about what he’s feeling.

“I know.” Ben continues to stroke along your jaw. “But I promise it won’t happen ever again.”

“I believe you.” You lock your arms around the back of his neck to hold him closer to you, loving the way his body felt wrapped around you, like he was molded just for you.

“Good.” He leans his forehead against yours for a moment. "Can I kiss you yet?" Ben's words are quiet, barely above a whisper, so low that you know if you didn't have super hearing you'd have missed them.

"You've never been a patient man. In all the years I've known you." You breathe with a smile.

"Maybe I've just never met someone worth waiting for." Ben's nose nudges into the space between you faces, waiting for you to tell him it's okay and you want to. "But you are Sweetheart."

"You've waited forty years."

"You waited longer."

His words make a ball of emotion lodge in the back of your throat, because it meant Ben listened. He heard everything you said to him and he wasn't going to forget, he was going to make this up to you.

It was hard to say no to him, not when he was smiling at you and gazing at you the way you'd always wished him to.

"We both know I'm a bit more patient than you."

"Maybe."

"You know, maybe we should be focusing on something else right now." You smirk, still keeping your lips just as hairsbreadth away from his.

“It's hard to focus on anything else, not when you’re wearing something like that.” Ben purrs, thumbs brushing against you hips in a way that makes your chest tight.

Your smirk deepens “Oh this old thing?”

At the last minute you had chosen to wear the outfit you had picked when you thought you were going to be going to Russia to get Ben, rather than your old supe suit. You didn’t want to be connected with the person you were then, and despite Ben’s want to hold on to Soldier Boy, you were more than happy to let Indigo go.

The outfit was working better than you thought. The tight black tactical pants, combat boots, black leather jacket, and long sleeved leather corseted blouse that was sinched at your waist all perfectly accentuated the curves that your mother tried to hide. When you had walked out of your closet wearing it, Ben’s entire body had gone rigid.

“What?” You’d asked him with an innocent smile standing just a few steps outside your closet, while watching the tension in his shoulders.

“Damn it sweetheart you’re making this hard.” He had responded, clenching his hands into fists at his sides to hold himself back from crossing your bedroom to touch you. It made you smile wider to understand that he was trying to respect the boundaries you made between the two of you.

“What is it that I’m making hard Benjamin?”

“Fuck. Don’t tease me. Nobody likes a tease.”

You’d smirked at him. “Sorry babe you walked right into that one.”

“It’s not fair-“ Ben had growled.

“What’s not fair?”

“You wearing that, biting your fucking lip like that-“

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He’d stalked towards you, eyes dark, causing you to back up until your back hit your pale bedroom wall. His hand had landed next to your head, the other wound around your hip so you could feel the heat of his skin through your clothes.

“You know, two can play at that game Sweetheart.” Ben had murmured, easing his face so close to yours that you could feel his breath against your lips.

“And what game is that?” You’d said it trying to keep your composure, but the dark look in his eyes and the smell of his shampoo was everywhere. Your heart beat had given you away, thudding violently in your chest as if it wanted to break free. It was hard to ignore how much you still wanted him after all these years.

"You know exactly what game." Ben had held your gaze, raising an eyebrow as a confident smirk pulled at his lips. He could hear your heartbeat too, probably could smell how much you wanted him. “But you’re so fucking beautiful I'll let it slide.”

“Huh?” It had been the last thing you thought he was going to say. If anything you’d thought he was going to tease you.

The hand that had been previously on the wall near your head dropped onto your face to gently trace the arch of your brow and the dip of your bottom lip.

“You always have been. I thought I remembered wrong but-" His expression shifted from the seductive smirk into something softer. "Fuck I missed you." Ben had leaned his forehead against yours. "So tease me all you want. I'll wait, because you're worth every second."

Remembering what he said earlier still filled you with an incredible amount of love and made you want to kiss him all the more now. Knowing that he was willing to wait for you to be okay with whatever came next made you fall harder for him. But now you knew that you needed to focus on what you were about to do. And standing here in front of the house, listening to what was going on inside made you sober up, just a little bit…. But not completely.

"Then again I thought those overalls were pretty sexy too." Ben states, staring down at you with a wide smile as the mid-afternoon sun turned his hair into a light brown and found the flecks of gold in his eyes. He looked every bit as handsome as you were accustomed to, so much in fact that it made your heart ache.

"Sure." You roll your eyes. "I think you're the first person in history to say that." Your fingers lightly curl into the strands at the back of his head.

"Maybe. Or maybe you're just the sexiest woman in history."

"Shut up."

Ben's gaze darkens. "Make me, Sweetheart."

Every viable thought except the thought of crashing your lips to his vanishes.

I wonder if they're as soft as I remember. If he still makes that sound when I-

"You two ready?" Butcher interrupts appearing just over Ben's shoulder, but smirking when he sees how close the two of you are. "Or do you love birds need a little alone  time?"

You roll your eyes and let go of Ben's hair, as he loosens his grip on your hips. Stepping back away from him was like having a bucket of cold water drop over you, you missed him and yet he was standing a full sixteen inches away from you.

This is really not good.

"You have the worst fucking timing." Ben moves to pick up his shield, but the playful smirk he'd had a few seconds ago has been replaced with a frown.

You wondered if he was as disappointed as you were.

The wind shifts and you can smell the Temp V in Butcher's veins, hear the steady beat of his heart as it pumps blood through his body, strengthening him, making him feel indestructible. When Butcher and Hughie had injected it at the back of Butcher's car, you couldn't help but be reminded of the day you took V. You had been afraid and when they injected it, you remember the pain, the unspeakable pain that made you scream so loud that Ben heard you from the room he was being kept in, and he broke through the wall to get to you. It was how the scientists learned that Ben had super strength, because he had smashed through solid rock to make sure you were okay.

Butcher shrugs and begins to walk through the trees towards the side door of the house, leaving you and Ben alone.

"You didn't answer my question." He hefts his shield up with a smirk.

He didn't have to explain, you knew he was asking about the kiss. "I'll take a raincheck."

"Hmm." Ben takes a few steps towards the house, before he stops to look back at you. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Huh?"

"In the car, even now. You're kinda quiet." He shrugs.

"I-" You were going to say that you were fine, but you knew that he would clock the lie. "We need to talk about something, but it can wait. This is important too."

Ben's frown deepens, but then he finally sighs. "Alright. Come on you’re lagging behind doll."

"Guess you changed your mind about wanting me here." You snort as you catch up to him.

Ben puts his hand on your wrist, turning you to look at him. "I always want you with me." His hand trails up your arm to finally rest under your chin. Ben smiles, leaning down towards you, but before you can arch up into him, he presses a kiss to your forehead. "I love you." He murmurs into the top of your head.

"I love you too."

And with that, you both follow Butcher into the house hosting the worst event in all of history.

I should have brought ear plugs. You cringe as you follow behind Ben and Butcher, weaving through the lower levels of the house. Maybe someone will let me borrow their blindfold. Hopefully there are nose plugs somewhere… well there have been other kinds of plugs but those are a bit big for my nose.

You walk down the staircase after Ben and Butcher who pulled ahead a few moments ago and as you do the sharp sour smell of a chemical wafts in your face, different than the other odors in the house.

What is that?

You round the corner and see Ben up ahead, shrouded in smoke, staring down an attractive muscular black man who for some reason has decided to raise his fists to challenge Ben. Your eyes trace the man's face, recognition pulling at your heart. You knew who he was. The first time you'd seen him he'd only been a boy, made eye contact with you at a funeral you couldn't help but go to, after Ben made a mistake. You'd offered the boy an encouraging smile and left the boy's family an envelope of cash in their mailbox because you couldn't think of anything else to do for them. You knew it couldn't replace who they lost, but you didn't know what else to do. Ben had been upset with himself after, he always was when he lost control. He showed up on your doorstep like he always did, drunk, high, smelling like stale perfume, and fell asleep in your bed after you reassured him the same way you always did.

Now that little boy was grown up and standing in front of you. You see recognition flash in his eyes as he sees you. Of course it does. You didn't look any different and you hadn't worn your supe suit when you went to the funeral.

"Not him." Butcher says to Ben, but Ben doesn't look away from the man.

"Ben." You whisper, reaching out to touch his arm gently.

Ben's eyes flick to yours. The look in Ben's eyes is familiar, predatory, unwilling to back down from a fight. Soldier Boy. You'd seen it countless times before, talked him out of killing people in the past. You hated how quickly you had to slip into your old job, the one that made you feel like a babysitter, but you shake it off.

"He doesn't know what he's doing. Come on. The Twins are upstairs, I can hear them arguing." It was true, you could, but you didn't want this to turn ugly so quickly. Not when the real reason why you were here were currently arguing about toilet cameras. 

His jaw tightens, eyes sliding to the man standing at the other end of the room, before he nods once and motions for you to go ahead of him.

As you continue to move through the house, you fight the shudder that threatens to travel down your spine when you think of how Ben looked moments ago. It was the first time you had seen Soldier Boy since Ben showed up again, and it was the same way you remembered it. You just hoped deep down that Ben really did want to change and that he was adopting the façade of Soldier Boy to get through what came next. You knew that you were going to have to adopt one as well.

"Here." You stop just before the two of you round the corner where the Twins were in the other room. "Let me go first. They might not try to run if I go in before you."

Ben frowns. "I don't want you to-"

"I know, but it'll be better this way."

"Fine."

You walk around the wall and towards the circular room where the Twins are fighting, ignoring the couples on the outskirts that are grinding against one another.

Like Countess, the Twins didn't look good, both were considerably older, rounder, grayer, and more wrinkly than the last time you'd seen them, but they were still the same. Still arguing and still just as annoying as they had been forty years ago.

"I never want to see you again!" Tommy spits at his sister, adjusting the golden robe slung over his shoulders that flaps around him like a cape.

"Oh sure!" Tessa sniffs while puffing on a joint. "Our Westfield mall appearance is next week and nobody is going to come see you without me!"

That must suck to have your powers depend on someone else.

"Wow, mall appearances? Aren't we all getting a bit old for that?" You flash a winning smile as you step down into the room, locking eyes with Tessa.

Both of the twins visibly pale, their hearts speeding up to work overtime, as the stench of adrenaline begins to waft through the air between you. It's almost comical how identical their reactions are to Countess' at seeing you for the first time in forty years. Then again you hoped that you looked better than they did.

Why didn't I try to find out more after Ben "died?" If our entire team had this reaction to seeing me then I would have known the truth and Ben wouldn't have been in a fucking Russian Lab all these years!

Their plan to ensure you not being in Nicaragua had paid off, because not only were you not there, you didn't want anything to do with any of them. And you wished that you had confronted them all those years ago. You knew that you'd live with that guilt for a long time, but now you allowed your anger at what they all did to Ben, overpower it.

"Y/n-" Tessa stutters.

It was weird to see her at a loss for words. You and all of Payback had listened to her nag Tommy since the moment they joined the team. Judging by what you had walked into, you figured that she hadn't changed at all.

"Hey long time no see!" Tommy fakes enthusiasm while licking his lips nervously, eyes darting to the open doors behind you. You could practically see the escape plan forming in his mind.

"You know, when I found out you guys were living in Vermont I was surprised. I would have thought that you moved down South. They’re probably more accepting of your relationship.” You make air quotes around the word relationship, before shifting your smile into an worried frown. “Oh sorry, are the two of you still pretending that you’re not fucking?”

Tessa’s gaze turns stone cold. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d check in.” You look around the room. “You guys have a nice house. Must have budgeted better than Countess did. Her tailer, now that was a shit hole. Must not have done as many mall appearances.”

Tommy’s heart skips a beat at the mention of Countess’s name. “Look y/n-“

“Please. We didn’t have anything against you. We didn’t come after you. Even after all these years we left you alone.” Fear seeps into Tessa’s voice with her plea, eyes wide with worry.

They had reason to be worried, you’d all but admitted to killing Countess.

“Oh sweetie.” You with false sweetness in your tone. “It’s cute that you think you can beg for mercy. That you're deserving of it.” The room begins to shake with the force of your anger as your eyes shift to bright purple. Cracks like thin spiderwebs stretch through the wide windows behind them and through the thick drywall as you lose control, the composure you always held on to drowning in the flood of emotion you feel when you look at the two of them. “Ben told me exactly what happened that day-“

“He lied to you!” Tommy exclaims. “He went crazy! You know how he gets, how he loses control!”

“He lost control and we had to protect ourselves y/n-“ Tessa adds, another lie.

Ben steps into the room beside you, his eyes are focused on the Twins, and if you thought they looked afraid when you showed up, they look near dead when Ben appears.

"You were saying?" You raise an eyebrow.

"Ben! Hey Buddy!." Tommy forces another smile but pales when he realizes Ben just heard him and Tessa try to lie to you. "How are you? Long time. We were just talking to y/n about-“

Ben's eyes narrow, stopping whatever Tommy was going to say about you.

"Nicaragua wasn't our fault!" Tommy says to recover. "Neither was the premiere." His eyes dart to yours, cowering under the purple light that pulses from your irises.

Wow. Just. Wow.

"We swear." Tessa adds.

"Why should we believe you?" You spit.

"Please-"

"Then whose fault was it?" Ben's frown deepens, hand tightening on the shield.

None of the other couples have stopped what they are doing, too enthralled in one another to notice what was going to unfold between the four of you.

"It was Noir!" Tommy shouts desperately, his eyes flitting from Ben to you as if trying to see which one of you will believe him. "He gave Ben to the Russians."

It's almost pathetic watching his mad scramble to protect himself. Apart of you hates that you don't feel guilty for any of this, at least with Countess at the beginning you felt some guilt for hurting her, but with them there was nothing. Not even the prick of remorse, there was only anger.

Ben chuckles under his breath. "We all know that Noir didn't even take a shit without Vought's say so."

"Not to mention his head was so far up Stan's ass it's a wonder that he could breathe." You narrow your eyes at the two of them waiting for them to make a move. They might be cowards, but if you knew the Twins well enough, you knew that they weren't above throwing a bolt of lighting in your direction. And you knew for a fact that electrocution wasn't fun.

"It's the truth!" Tessa shouts above the moans and wet squelch of the people around you. “Please y/n we have children.”

“You're really the worst liar hon. Always have been." You snap, listening to her heartbeat jolt in her chest as she attempts to save herself.

"Please talk Ben out of this, just like you did for Noir-“ Tommy's plea falls on deaf ears, but you knew what he was talking about. The day that you saved Noir's life because he started a fight with Ben over a stupid role in a movie. But this was different, no part of you wanted to save them from this, to save them from what they deserved.

“Noir will get what’s coming to him.” You don't recognize your own voice. "You brought this on yourselves."

But then something shifts in the air, call it a feeling, or an energy current, but something feels wrong.

The music coming from the radio has changed to a Russian pop song, why it's playing you have no idea, all you know is that it does something to Ben.

The sound of his shield hitting the ground rings in your ears and you turn to look at him. His entire body is tensed beneath his suit, sweat dotting along his hairline, red beginning to creep into his cheeks. His eyes are squeezed shut and he shakes his head as if he's trying to clear it.

"Ben? Are you okay?" Your hold on the room vanishes, eyes fading back to their normal color as your worry turns to Ben.

His fists are clenched tightly together as he brings them up to the sides of his head, chest beginning to glow with his new power, the one you'd never seen before, the one that Ben said practically vaporized whatever was in it's path.

Shit.

"Ben. Stay with me, listen to my voice." You touch the sides of his face, begging him to listen to your plea. As much as you wanted the Twins to pay, Ben wasn't just losing control of his powers, this was different. It was almost like he was being dragged somewhere else, somewhere you couldn't follow.

"Everything's okay. I'm here, I'm right here." You soothe, but he continues to glow brighter and brighter and you're directly in the line of fire.

Shit.

Ben's eyes flash open, no longer bright green but an orange-gold that makes fear snag in your ribs like a fishing hook. His hand makes contact with your chest shoving you to the side, out of the way of the beam, but unfortunately through the solid rock wall.

You don't really know what happens next. The world goes black for a few minutes, not like when you die, but just black as everything burns around you when Ben explodes. You're not sure how long you're under, could be minutes, could be hours, all you know is that when you wake up everything hurts.

It's how you know that you didn't officially die. Whenever you woke up after death, it was different, you felt powerful, reborn, but right now you felt like a train ran over you. A headache throbs at your temples as you begin to come to, blinking your eyes against the darkness that doesn't go away. Your ears are ringing, filled with the screams of those who survived and the smell of burned flesh and blood surrounds you like a cloud.

A mountain of rubble and roofing covers you, leaving you in the darkness to get your bearings, but nothing feels broken.

At least the brick fireplace broke my fall. You think to yourself with a groan as you begin to push off the planks of wood and pieces of the roof that cover your body, so you can sit up. As soon as you do, your head spins and you fight the unpleasant urge to throw up.

Great. Might have a concussion.

You might be as strong as Ben, but your ability to die meant that you were just a little bit less equipped to handle a hit like that.

Ben. Worry and fear war in your heart as you look around the broken room that lays in tatters around you.

The house isn’t recognizable anymore. Singed carpet floats in tufts with ash around your face like a swarm of flies while fires burn in clumps all over the ruined room. Chunks of drywall and planks of blackened wood litter the floor and the back half of the house is gone, burned to a crisp in the blast from Ben.

What the fuck did they put in his chest? Ben had tried to describe it to you, tried to explain it, but standing here in the rubble you understood just how bad it was. The ruins in Mid-town you had seen the coverage of on the news, but it was a completely different thing to experience it in person.

People are going to think that he did this on purpose. That he's a bad person, that he's some kind of terrorist. The thought is immediately followed by the fear that Vought and the government would come to take him away. Your jaw tightens. I'd like to see them try.

The bodies of Tommy and Tessa are burned beyond recognition, still holding hands, but now are just blacked lumps of flesh and bone that lay where they tried to make their final stand. But you feel no remorse.

It’s what we came here to do, to make them pay. You bite the inside of your cheek listening to the screams of those who survived. I just didn't think that so many others would get hurt.

You continue to look around the room, worry rising in your chest as you think of Ben and remember the look on his face. He had been scared of what was about to happen even if he didn’t want to admit it. He lost control. In the past when he lost control the worst thing he could do was rip someone in half or smash their face into a pulp, but now if Ben ever lost control he'd level a building.

I see a lot of yoga in his future. Or maybe anger management classes.

Although the thought makes you smile, as soon as you see Ben everything else fades from your mind. Ben is on his knees in the center of the room, head slumped forward on his chest, hands laying limply by his sides, as he takes in shaky breaths. You could hear the frantic pound of his heart, beating hard against his rib cage as if begging to be released. Seeing him like that almost sends you into overdrive. You’d never seen him look so defeated, so small, so tired, so… lost.

“Ben?” You fall to your knees next to him, reaching out to touch his face, to bring his attention to you.

His body tenses as you do so, eyes narrowing when he meets yours like he doesn’t know you. His eyes miles away.

But where?

“Hey, it’s me.” You say gently, cupping his face with your hands to rub your thumbs across his cheeks while fear grips your heart as you try to bring him back to you. “It’s me, I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ben inhales sharply as if suddenly remembering, the look in his eyes clearing for a moment, rising through the fog. "Y/n?" He whispers.

"Yeah. I'm here." You repeat, smiling at him even though the urge to cry builds in the back of your throat. It broke your heart to see him like this. You push his hair back from his face, brushing the ash from the mahogany strands.

 “Are you okay? Did I-“ Worry etches itself across his handsome face.

“I’m fine. Shhh.” You soothe, pulling him against you so your can rub his back softly and lock him in your embrace. But the truth was you were afraid. You didn’t understand what happened and couldn’t explain the look in his eyes when he went under, when he started to lose himself in his newfound powers. Ben crumbles into you, leaning his head against your shoulder as if needing it to strengthen him.

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay.” You weren’t sure the effects the blast had on him, just that he seemed unsure as to how the hell he did it.

 Where did he go in those moments?

“The twins?” Ben mumbles.

“They’re dead.” You could hear the approaching ambulances and police cars, hear the anxious chatter of the survivors outside.

We’ve got to get out of here.

“Come on. Let’s go.” You say softly rising to your feet and helping him up. Ben stumbles a step, shaking his head like he can’t catch his bearings and the worry comes roaring back. You catch him and tilt his body so he can lean on you. “Ben are you okay?” Your fingers dance against the sides of his face trying to bring his focus back to you, because you were afraid he might lose himself to whatever the hell happened before.

“I will be in a minute.” Ben takes in a shaky breath, leaning on your shoulder. "I don't know what happened."

"It's okay." His shield rises telekinetically from the rubble and into your outstretched hand that glows a brilliant purple in the dusty light. Smoke billows up from the room around you obscuring the sunlight that filters through the ruined front of the house, but you can still see the front drive already becoming swarmed with people and news crews.

Because that's exactly what Rosemary needs to see, me and Ben on the 5'oclock news. Fuck.

"Come on." You lead him back the way you can, toting his shield in your free hand, down the stairs.

When you spot Butcher, Ben straightens finally catching his bearings and takes the shield from you. Butcher looks from Ben to you, eyebrows raised.

"Sorted?"

"Yeah." Ben frowns.

You could tell that he was still a little shaky, but you knew he wasn't going to admit that to anyone, especially not to Butcher. Your gaze falls on the man from before laying on the ground, the man that Butcher had told Ben to leave.

Why did he want Ben to spare his life if Butcher was only going to beat him down?

But just as you take a step towards the man to check him for injuries, a long shadow falls on the floor at your feet.

Your eyes jolt upwards and focus on Homelander. The smell of hairspray, hair dye, and cheap cologne waft through the air at Homelander's appearance.  He's shorter than you expected him to be, not overtly muscular, but he didn't need to be. Supes with superstrength didn't need to look like body builders, and you suspected that the only reason why Homelander even had any kind of muscle was for his image as America's Hero. Then again, you never complained about Ben's muscular physique.

I don’t think anybody should complain about that and- Nope. Nope. Not thinking about that right now.

But as you stare at him there's something wrong, something that you can't place, something that tugs at the back of your mind when you look at him, almost as if you've forgotten something important.

Seeing him in person is surreal. You'd only ever seen him on the news or on billboards or on those stupid energy drinks that were sold at the bodega on the corner where you get coffee filters sometimes, but the look in his eyes is the same. It's cold, unfeeling, and reminds you of those ridiculous shark documentaries that Rosemary is obsessed with. The only time she could watch shark week was after Lou went to bed. She said that watching it made her feel better about her job and you didn't complain.

Homelander looks around the room forcing a smile, a predatory glare in his eyes.

"William Butcher and Soldier Boy. Of course you are behind this. It really is all about me." Homelander's smile widens.

Narcissistic much? This guy's like a walking red flag.

He takes a step closer to the three of you, and Ben steps in front of you to shield you from Homelander's view. Homelander clocks the movement, but then tsks his finger at Butcher.

"William we made a deal to fight to the death, you and me." Homelander's eyes begin to glow. "You cheated, deals off."

The red flash of the laser-vision illuminates Ben's face in sharp contrast as the beam hits Butcher full in the chest propelling him back into the wall. His body falls to the ground and lies still.

Well. That's not good.

Honestly you didn't like Butcher all that much, but you couldn't help but feel a little bit bad.

You glance up from Butcher's body to gaze at Homelander again. Fighting him hadn't been on the agenda today, but it was starting to look that way. You knew what his powers were, knew that Vought probably told him his entire life that he was a god and that no one could compare to him. And you knew that the man standing next to you hadn't changed enough to walk away from the fight, no matter how bad his odds were.

And deep down you knew that you weren't going to let Ben take that beating, which of course meant that you were going to fight Homelander. Not that you were afraid of him. One look at him might have sent everyone else heading for the hills, but he didn't intimidate you.

"I watched all your movies, hundreds of times. You were the only one that was nearly as strong as me." The look on Homelander's face is one of respect almost wonder.

And you can imagine a smaller version of Homelander being fed all the same propaganda that Ben and you were fed all those years ago, imagine Homelander growing up hearing that he was stronger, greater, faster than Soldier Boy, and imagine Vogelbaum working hard to make sure to mold Homelander into the hero that America wanted. Not to mention all the shit he probably heard when he was with Stormfront. You were very happy that you didn't have to see her again, though now you had a fun story to tell Ben about one of his exes.

“Buddy you’re wearing a cape, do you think you look strong?” Ben frowns at Homelander.

“It is pretty stupid.” You agree examining Homelander’s supe suit. “Honestly I thought you had it bad with that dorky looking helmet-“ You glance at Ben out of the corner of your eye.

“Really? You’re gonna do this now?” Ben glowers turning his attention to you.

“I’m just being honest it was pretty bad and I’m glad you decided not to wear it today. But his cape is definitely worse.”

“Do you want me to bring up that ridiculous hood you had?”

“You can, but I won’t believe you, because that hood was fabulous and I looked fantastic in it.”

Homelander clears his throat to catch your attention. “Um hello?”

“Hi.” You force a smile. “Oh sorry did we interrupt your little monologue?”

Homelander's gaze turns icy as you continue. “Because we can take this from the top. What was the line again? Something about power or watching his films? I was only half listening. Did you want me to record it for you so you can post it on your socials?”

“What the f-“ Homelander begins to say, but you interrupt him.

“I mean. That is why you practiced it in the mirror for so long right? And why you did your hair and makeup?" You scrunch up your nose. "I'd skip that last mist of hairspray if I were you. You want it to look smooth, not look like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket.”

You could tell that Ben was trying to maintain his composure, but his mouth was twitching in a smile. “Oh wait does your suit have a body cam? I guess that makes things easier, because it probably doesn't have pockets. Not to mention if you dropped your phone while you were flying around-"

"Who the fuck are you?" Homelander spits interrupting you.

"No one important."

“Is he really what passes for a hero these days?” Ben cocks an eyebrow. “He’s just a cheap fucking knock off of me.”

“No.” Homelander snarls, eyes beginning to glow bright red. “I’m the upgrade.”

The laser cuts through the air in slow motion, but you’re already moving.

"Ben!" His name rips from your throat as you lunge forward and shove him as hard as you can out of the way of the beam. You feel the laser tear through your body, the force throwing you backward through one of the wood paneled walls and then the darkness swallows you whole.

If someone were to ask you what it was like to die, you wouldn’t know how to answer. To exist in those thirteen seconds sometimes feels like a dream, like you're floating, but it's always silent. And the silence scares you. How quickly it comes to drag you under and how it seems to replace everything you know or remember about the real world until you come back to life. You understood why Ben didn't like being alone, because you didn't either. It reminded you too much of those moments you were gone, wishing for it to stop. There was never a bright light, there was only the darkness and the silence that fell when your heart stopped beating.

When you take your first breath in thirteen seconds it's full of dust and ash, swirling into your mouth as you inhale sharply to jumpstart your lungs. But at the same time everything is different. The colors in the room are brighter, the sounds more acute, the smells just a fraction stronger, and you feel different. Power floods through your limbs, swirling through flesh and bone, pouring through your veins, electrifying through each nerve ending and setting you on fire, more than any other power ever has. You'd never felt power like this before. Even with Countess and the others that had killed you, no other power you'd ever gotten had felt this strong.

You stand up from the rubble you landed in, covered in a layer of dust and blood. The hole in your new outfit where the laser struck is just under your left breast, the mark left behind already a pink scar. And you knew that Ben would probably kill you for it later, for taking the laser for him, but you didn't care.

Homelander is floating in the center of the room, holding Ben by the throat, smiling cruelly at him.

"Hey asshole." You snarl, spitting out a glob of blood onto the ruined carpet. "We're not done."

Homelander turns his head towards you amused, while Ben grabs at the front of his suit, trying to get his attention, but Homelander is focused on you.

"So that's it? That's your big trick? Laser vision? Forgive me for not cowering in fear." Your hands clench into fists at your sides.

He eyes you for a moment. "You're Indigo aren't you?"

"I used to be. Now I'm just disappointed. I expected more from Vought's big hero, but now I see that you're just another asshole who thinks he's a god." Your eyes drift to Ben for a moment, worry clawing at your heart when you meet his gaze. "So drop him. Before I drop you."

"You’re very confident for someone who was dead a few seconds ago. I don't really see how that ability is going to help you-"

"Before I didn’t want to kill you."

"And you think you can?" He laughs.

"No." You smirk. "I know I can."

"Who do you think you’re talking to?"

"I’m not talking to much." Your eyes narrow. "But I'll be nice, and I'll give you a chance to leave. To tuck your tail between your fucking legs and fly away. We didn't come here for you and you and I don't have to do this."

"And if I don't leave?"

"Then I'll kill you."

"I'd like to see you try." Homelander throws Ben as hard as he can through the brick fireplace, causing rock and mortar to rain down on top of him, but Homelander's eyes don't leave yours. “Well why don’t you give me your best sho-“

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence, your body ploughs into his tackling him through the solid outer wall and onto the back lawn.

Truthfully you hadn’t meant to go through the wall, you’d only meant to pin him to it, but flying was proving just a little more difficult than you expected. Your hand closes on Homelander’s wrist bringing him down against the ground so hard that the earth quakes, before you throw him as far away from you as you can.

His body spins awkwardly in the air, before he ploughs into one of the thick oak trees head on, at the edge of the backyard. The loud snap of the tree compensating for Homelander’s body fills the air.

He stumbles to his feet, eyes narrowed in pure hatred, lip curled back in a snarl, and his blonde hair flopping forward into his face.

“You chose wrong.” You spit, rolling your shoulders, preparing for what came next.

Homelander lets out a roar and flies towards you, arms outstretched for you, but you’re ready for him.

You catch his fist before it lands against your face and tighten your other hand around his throat. Your bodies are floating two feet off the ground, but it doesn’t faze you.

When Homelander’s gaze meets yours you see just a flicker of fear, a spark, quickly masked by his shock. He struggles to pull away to push you away with his free hand, but all you do is tighten your grip.

 "You've never felt real pain before have you?" You force your face into a sympathetic frown, before your eyes harden. "Allow me to enlighten you."  You throw him to the ground again, watching his body spin and screech against the grass and dirt.

 Given the screams and smell of blood in the air, any witnesses from the massacre inside were at the front of the house waiting for the police, leaving you and Homelander on the backside of the house alone.

Worry for Ben rose in your chest like the peak of a wave, you hadn't seen him since Homelander threw him through the fireplace, but you funnel that worry into all encompassing rage.

"They told you that you were a god right? That you were the most powerful supe that ever lived. They were wrong. There's only one supe more powerful than you, and you just fucking pissed her off." You shout beginning to float towards him.

Homelander growls rising to his feet, eyes glowing bright red as he fires a laser at you, but you’re ready.

Your own beam catches his mid air between you, the high pitched sizzle and smell of ozone floats across your face, but you don't back down. If anything, it just makes you more angry.

And then something slams into you from the side, breaking the connection between your beam and Homelander's.

"What-" You shout, looking up at the body above yours, preparing to blast them off, but you realize it's Ben. "Ben what-"

"Stay here." He growls, eyes black. Ben looks pissed, whether it’s because you pushed Ben out of the way before or if it’s because he’s annoyed that Homelander punched him you’re not sure.

"What?" You look beyond him, to see Hughie and Butcher tackle Homelander to the ground.

They're going to try to turn him human.

"I can hold him down-" You say. “Let me help.”

"No." Ben snarls as he stalks towards Homelander, his chest beginning to glow.

“Ben-“

“Stay the fuck there.” Ben shouts still looking at Homelander.

Your eyes flit to the leader of the Seven. Watching him struggle against Hughie and Butcher, who yell at one another, but you don’t hear them. You wait for the remorse to crash over you, the guilt, but it never comes.

I gave him a choice. He could have run. He didn’t. He chose this.

And just when you think it’s all over, Homelander breaks away from them, surging up into the air to freedom. You feel your feet leave the ground to follow him, someone’s hand tightens on your ankle and drags you back down to earth.

“No.” Ben’s voice is more of a growl than anything else.

He’s angry, that much you can tell from the look on his face and from the way his eyes have hardened into two solid chunks of emerald as he locks eyes with you.

But why? Angry because Homelander got away or angry because I pushed him out of the way?

“Ben I can get him. Let me go.” You kick your ankle but Ben holds on.

“No.” Ben snarls. “You’re not about to go after that sick fuck by yourself.”

“Ben-“

“No. If I have to chain you to the ground I will.” Ben pulls you down further and releases your ankle to  fasten his hand around you waist to hold you tighter against the ground. “You’re not going after him.”

“Fine.” You snap pulling yourself from his grasp, your own temper flaring.

You hated when Ben did that, when he acted like you weren’t just as capable as him of doing this. It reminded you of your childhood, when you were treated like you were made of glass, a pretty doll that was made to be looked at but never touched.

And you knew it came from Ben’s want to protect you, knew that it came from his fear of losing you, but that didn’t make it any less annoying.

You didn’t pout when Ben went out to face someone, didn’t try to act like he couldn’t do it.

“I know that maybe I’m a little behind but… WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?” Hughie shouts. “You have laser vision and you can fly and you can move things with your mind!?” He looks frantically from you to Ben.

You don’t answer, your eyes are still on Ben who looks ready to throw Butcher’s car into space. You could practically see the waves of anger rolling off of him like a comic strip.

“You didn’t before, did you?” Butcher’s eyes trace your body as things begin to click into place. “You didn’t before he killed you.”

“Hold on.” Hughie holds up his hand. “Are you telling me that you die and you come back to life WITH THE POWERS OF THE SUPE THAT KILLED YOU?”

“It wasn’t in the files.” Butcher’s eyes still haven’t left you. “Vought didn’t know did they?”

You don’t like the way he’s looking at you, don’t like the glimmer in his eyes as if you’d just solved all his problems. It was the exact look that was in the eyes of the scientists the day you took the serum for the first time. To them that’s all Ben and you were, lab rats, people who were stupid enough to listen to the wild ideas of glory and a better world they spouted.

“We should go.” You murmur, listening to the sounds of the ambulances and the police coming up the driveway. “It’s about to be a circus here and I'd rather not make my big social media debut covered in rubble and blood."

Ben’s mouth is clamped together, green eyes blazing at your mention of blood. You knew that he was focused on the bloody hole left behind in the corset where Homelander's laser had ripped through your body.

Another scar, another fun story to tell my daughter when I see her… great.

*****************************************

The car ride to Legend’s is dead silent. Ben doesn’t look at you, doesn’t try to hold your hand, and doesn’t try to touch you in any way. Instead his hands are curled into fists, sitting on the tops of his thighs while his anger heats the inside of the car like a furnace. You knew it was only a matter until he exploded, but now you had bigger things on your mind.

You had just exposed yourself to Homelander, showed your face to him, not to mention you admitted to being Indigo. It would be easy for him to find your real name in the Vought archives find your file and the same name that linked you to Rosemary. She’d gone back to her maiden name when her husband died, which meant the two of you had the same last name and it wouldn’t be difficult for Homelander to find her.

Which meant you needed to get to her first.

You had tried to text her, tried to tell her to have a bag ready and that you were going to pick her up, but she was refusing to do so and you didn’t exactly want to text “Homelander is a fucking psychopath and he’s going to come after you” to her phone. Plus you couldn’t exactly call her, not in this cramped car.

Legend is waiting on the front porch of his country home when Butcher pulls his car into the end of the long driveway, somewhere that you’d been to many times in the past. He's smoking a joint and scrolling through his phone, wearing the same outfit you had seen him in a few days ago.

"Kitten!" He smiles wide at you when he sees you and pulls you into a hug. “I was worried when I heard about that mess with Countess. You never called.” Legend frowns at you, blowing out a lungful of smoke. "Guess you guys had a talk."

"Something like that." You frown. "It got complicated really fast."

“I told you so.” His eyes shift to where Ben is glowering a foot behind you. "I see he found you. I didn't tell him-"

"I know you didn't. Thank you for keeping your promise." You smile tightly, squeezing Legend's hand. He really was a good friend. One of the oldest ones you had besides Ben.

"Figured if I did, you'd keep him from ripping my head off."

“Haven’t decided if I’m not going to yet.” Ben snarls and Legend's eyes widen in fear.

But you knew that he was just redirecting his anger. Ben was angry because you put yourself in harms way to protect him and the sooner you had it out, the sooner you could go get Rosemary and Lou.

"Ben we both know that you're not mad at Legend, you're mad at me. So you might as well spit it out, because we've got bigger problems than your hissy fit-" You begin to say. You were sick of him pouting, refusing to look at you, refusing to touch you.

"What the FUCK were you thinking?!" Ben roars towering over you, eyes flashing. "Getting between me and him like that!"

Legend backs away, afraid that he's going to get caught in the cross-fire.

"Calm down." You sigh, gritting your teeth together. You were trying your best not to lose it either, because the last thing this situation needed was you losing control.

"DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN." Ben's hands are clenched tightly into fists, his suit beginning to glow bright.

"You're going to have to calm down or you're going to blast me to kingdom come!" You snap back.

Ben grits his teeth together and closes his eyes tightly while his chest begins to fade back to normal and when it does, he opens his eyes to glare at you. "Why did you do that? I had him handled-"

"You didn't."

"Yes I did. You didn't give me a chance to-"

"No what I did was I didn't give that psychopath a chance to punch a hole through your chest with his fucking laser vision." You poke him in the chest. "Of the two of us, I have a greater chance of surviving that!”

By then Butcher and Hughie had moved to give the two of you a wide berth, standing where Legend was watching the two of you looking bored. They were probably hoping that you didn’t cut one of them in half with your new powers.

"Are they always like this?" You hear Butcher ask Legend from where they stand a safe distance away.

"Pretty much." Legend answers, blowing out a puff of the fowl smelling smoke.

"Do you ever get used to it?" Hughie mutters.

"Nope."

“Is there an off button?” Butcher sighs.

“Nope.” Legend puffs his joint.

"You don't know that!" Ben spits back at you. "I could have!"

"I wasn't willing to take that chance damnit!"

How can I make him understand this? How can he finally understand what it would be like for me to lose him all over again, just when I got him back?

"Do you really think that I'm willing to play Russian Roulette with your life?" Ben snarls, grabbing you by the shoulders so tightly you're sure they'll be bruises but all you can do is look into his quickly darkening eyes. "Do you have any idea what it did to me to see you die AGAIN? To see him TOUCH YOU? To know that he HURT you?"

"We've already had this conversation Ben-"

"And we're going to fucking have it again!" His grip tightens. "I told you to stay behind me!"

The last time he'd touched you like this was the night of the premiere, when he told you that he didn't care about you, that he could never love you. The memory of that night lodges itself in the back of your throat, but you keep it down.

"And I told you that I wasn't going to do that!"

"Damn it y/n you can't-"

You pull yourself away from him. "No Ben. You can't tell me what to do. You don't get to control me. People have tried to control me all my damn life and when I first came with you I thought I was giving that up. But no, I just moved on and Vought took over. When I decided to live my own life, to stop being a supe, I was free! Finally! After forty years of bullshit I was finally free!"

Ben’s jaw is so tightly locked together you think you hear the grinding of his teeth. “So what are you saying? Are you saying that when you’re with me you feel trapped? Like I’m holding you fucking hostage?!”

“No.” You exhale heavily. "I understand that you love me. I understand that you want to protect me. But you need to understand that I love you too. That just as you're willing to lay down your life for me, I am willing to lay down my life for you. And if you want this to work between us, you need to understand that you don't control me. You're not my dad or my owner, you're the man I love. And until you realize that I am just as capable of protecting you as you are protecting me-"

"I know that." Ben seethes.

"What?"

"Do you really think that I don't see how strong you are?” You watch something flash in his eyes that isn't anger, the vulnerable look is back for a fleeting moment and it rocks you to your core. "I don’t want to control you! I’m not trying to. Have you thought that maybe after all this time I just wanted you to need me like I need you?"

His confession makes your heart stop. Does he really think that I don’t need him? That after all these years there’s no one else that I’ve needed more in my entire life?

“Ben.” You sigh while stretching out your hand to lay against his arm, but he flinches away. “ I do need you. You have no idea how much I need you, no idea what it did to me when I lost you even after everything that happened. I just don’t want you to treat me like I’m made of glass.”

“I don’t treat you like you’re-“ He begins to say.

“Yes. You do. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect me, but you have to understand that I want to protect you too.”

He huffs out a breath, shoulders tensed, arms crossed over his muscular chest. “I do understand that. I just hate it when you do that, that you push me out of the way. I hate when you get hurt.”

“And I hate when you get hurt." You bite the inside of your cheek. "You say that you were angry that Homelander hurt me, but did you stop to consider what it did to me to see him try to hurt you? Do you know what it did to me to see him touch you?”

Ben stands there for a minute glaring down at you, before his gaze begins to soften. “No.” He grumbles.

“Exactly.”

You both stand there for a minute eyeing one another, daring the other to break the silence.

This is ridiculous.

Finally Ben, sighs out a breath and jerks you forward against his chest. The hug would be bone crushing for anyone else, but not to you.

“You’re so fucking annoying.” He mutters into the top of your head, while his body curves around yours.

“I love you too asshole.” You huff, hugging him back just as tight.

“See they always work it out.” Legend shrugs at Butcher. “Takes them a while to get there. They made my job so much harder in the 70’s. Though I will say it’s a relief that they’re finally admitting they love each other. Way too much sexual tension before, gave me anxiety.”

Ben pulls back to look at your face with another loud sigh. He still looks a little angry, but not angry enough to start shouting again. His thumb strokes against your cheek. “Are you okay?”

You nod once leaning into his touch. “Are you?” You brush back some of his dark hair out of his face, looking for bruises but you don’t see any.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“If the two of you are done, we have bigger things to worry about-“ Butcher begins to say.

“We are and we do.” You interrupt looking away from Ben to stare at Butcher. “I need to borrow your car.”

“Why?”

“I need to go back to the city.”

“What?” Ben sputters releasing you from his grasp.

“And I think it would be better if I went alone-“ You continue slowly.

Honestly you did think that it would be better if you went alone, but you didn’t want to. You wanted Ben to come with you, the problem was Rosemary.

“Like hell I’m letting you go alone with that son of a  bitch flying around!” Ben shouts, temper flaring again.

“Which is why I have to go.” You try to say it diplomatically, try to have him understand without having to explain it. But there’s really no way around it, around any of this.

“No.”

“Ben please c-"

“Don’t tell me to calm down again! I’m not being crazy. You’re not going after him!” His eyes blaze a brilliant green, as he crosses his hands over his chest.

“Ben-“

“Why can’t you listen to me for once?”

“BEN!” You shout, grabbing his face and holding his cheeks between your palms to catch his attention.

“What?” Ben’s eyes lock with yours.

“I’m not going to the city to go after Homelander.”

He pauses confused. “Then why are you-“

And you just can’t take it anymore. You can’t hold it in any longer, can’t think of a way to tell him without just ripping the bandaid off. Your eyes meet his, apologetic, determined, and just a little bit fearful.

“I’m going back into the city to get our daughter.”

A/N: I know I know, it's been a while and honestly I didn't mean to get hit by writer's block this bad 😂😭

But it kinda works out, because what better way to celebrate Father's Day than to tell Soldier Boy that he's a dad?

As always thank you so much for reading! There are big things coming! And thank so much for the love and support! If you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know :)

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[enwoso]

HOW DO I SAY GOODBYE || alessia russo

WARNINGS: upsetting themes, talks of death, overdose, suicide, grief etc. please do not read if any of these make you uncomfortable.

masterlist

read pink skies first before continuing!

"so how you feeling?" alessia asked a slight wince on her face as she asked, she knew it was a sensitive topic. something you always tried to deflect whenever asked but she wasn’t asking about you personally - well maybe she was kind of - but she was more directing it at your injury.

as she flopped onto her bed in the room she’d called home for the past five days while being on international camp. you on the other line, your room dimmed as you lay in your bed the soft hum of your tv playing in the background. the room you hadn’t left in three days.

getting called up to play for you country was a special feeling that never went away each time it happened but playing with your best friend for england, well there was no feeling like it.

so naturally when alessia seen your name also on the team sheet she was ecstatic, however that quickly went away within four hours as it was quickly announced that you’d withdrawn because of a knee injury and would instead spend the international break rehabbing at arsenal.

alessia had, had her suspicions about your knee injury that seemed to of popped up out of nowhere but nevertheless pushed it to the back of her mind and instead just focused on trying to help you get back into the swing of playing football again.

little did alessia know in that moment was that you’d already played your last match together.

“yeah it’s- um its getting there” you nodded, but it coming out as if you were trying to convince yourself that your knee was getting there. alessia humming with her usual bright smile as she gave you some positive notes to help spur your recovery on quicker. the words going over your head quicker than she said them.

alessia spent the next hour telling you everything that had happened that day, like she’d done the past five days. filling you in on every detail from the silly jokes ella had told her that made her laugh, to her telling you about how grace reminded her of a sloth cause of how long she’s hug her for to even the coffee she’d drank this morning with lotte.

you sat listening to her little ramble, the way she couldn’t tell you the jokes ella had told her without a giggle slipping out in between each word and the way she tried to sound so agitated by graces hugs you could see the adoration in her eyes and the way her lip quirked.

some of her words morphing into one as you lay, an empty feeling filled your chest as you laid in your room, the same hoodie on with the same toothpaste stain on it, your hair in the same messy bun from days ago that your hood covered.

“and your still coming to watch tomorrow right?” alessia asked, the match being a late afternoon kick off at wembley as you hummed a small response as alessia’s smile grew just that little bit bigger.

“yeah.. think leah said she had the tickets and all that sorted” you told alessia as she made a little joke about your organisation skills, you not being one for planning more just someone tells you the time and date and you would show up.

“good, well i’ll come by yours after and we can watch man on fire” alessia smiled, knowing a groan was going to come from you about the choice of movie. it being the blondes favourite at the moment meaning you had seen it at least six times already.

“you and that film! i’ll agree only if you bring the jammy dodgers!” you say with a small smug smile, knowing the blonde couldn’t resist and the fact they were your favourite biscuits — alessia couldn’t say no.

“fine! i’ll stop on the way and get them for you!”

YOURNAME🩷 good luck today lessi, go show wembley how much of a star girl you are!

delivered 01:44pm

YOURNAME🩷 and sorry i can’t make it to see you play — just not feeling too good today.

delivered 01:45pm

maybe if alessia had of seen that message the day wouldn’t have progressed the way it did but she’s didn’t see the message. she thought you were sat in the stands with leah, like you’d told the blonde the night before.

instead the game kicked off, the scheduled time of two thirty. alessia in the starting line up even getting herself a goal as she celebrated with the fans and her teammates. pointing to the corner where you were supposed to be sat.

expect you never got to see the goal.

as what alessia didn’t know was that while she was kicking a ball around a pitch in front of ninety thousand people that there were a group of paramedic’s trying to shock some life back into your body.

coming to the end of the game the team was doing there usual lap of honour as alessia spots leah in the corner of her eye with one of the coaching staff which works with england but as the blonde scanned the area for your face you were no where to be found.

“leah? where’s y/n?” alessia asked concern laced her voice. a small flash of confusion took over leah’s face as she paused her conversation with the staff member, “did she not tell you?”

“tell me what exactly..?” alessia trailed off hurrying leah into an answer as she didn’t exactly know what leah was trying to get at.

“that she couldn’t make it, said she didn’t feel too great. i thought you knew already, she told me she had messaged you” leah shrugged before walking off and leaving less stood slightly confused - did leah not ask why you weren’t coming?

“wait- leah…” alessia called out but leah couldn’t hear the blonde. an uneasy feeling took over alessia’s body. something didn’t feel right as the whole stadium seemed to fall silence in her ears as she made her way over to the tunnel. the fans scream for her as well as a couple of her teammates calling out her name but it was no use alessia didn’t hear them.

getting back to her spot in the changing room, she rummaged through her bag for her phone. a sigh leaving her lips when she saw your message but still her mind was still filled with panic.

it wasn’t like you to just message out the blue that you weren’t coming to the match and even if you couldn’t make it you’d watch and live update her through messages.

alessia refreshed her phone thinking maybe your live updates hadn’t come through but no, nothing. just the two messages.

by this point the rest of the team was coming back into the changing room as alessia rushed around trying to get changed and on her way to your apartment. her mind not seeming to be able to rest without knowing if you were okay.

“less you don’t need to be in that much of a hurry we aren’t going out till six!” ella joked as she sat beside the blonde, a little giggle coming from the brunette but soon her smile dropped when she saw her best friends look of panic.

“what’s wrong?” ella asked as alessia sighed, “nothing i just promised y/n i would go and see her”

“right. how's her knee?” ella asked as alessia hummed a small nod, “it’s good- erm i need to go tooney. i’ll call you later yeah” alessia rushed out and before the brunette even had a chance to respond the blonde was out the changing room door.

a few glances to the door from the other girls as they then looked to ella who just shrugged, not knowing the answer to their questions that their faces were asking without even saying a word.

three knocks of the door was all it took before the door slowly opened, a face appearing which was definitely not who alessia thought would be answering the door.

“oh- alessia?” your mum slight surprise in her voice, clearing not expecting the blonde to be stood at the door. alessia stood her hands filled with all your favourite things that you like when your not feeling too good as well as your beloved jammy dodgers.

“hey mrs y/l/n, is um y/n in- i told her i was coming by after my game..” alessia trailed off, noticing the slight change in your mums face. a sadder look appearing as your mum looked towards the floor.

“i’m sorry alessia, i think it’s best you come inside” your mum took a deep breath in as she moved deeper into your apartment, alessia clicking the front door shut with her foot.

there being a strange feeling in the air as she walked down the small hallway, it being littered with small reminiscences of you. your shoes that you would always leave by the door, alessia forever tripping over them any time she came over.

the place felt eerie as alessia followed your mum deeper into your apartment. alessia had a strange feeling in her stomach, the same stomach dropping feeling when you get caught breaking your mums case a child.

expect this was worse.

a vase could be glued back together. a life, not so much.

“take a seat love” your mum pointed to the couch as she sat on the one opposite alessia as she sunk into the soft couch.

your mum taking a few deep breaths still looking at the floor before looking up towards alessia, tears building in her eyes. alessia’s head was spinning, something had happened. but what, well she was probably wishing the day never happened.

“um there’s no way to really say this but- um y/n, she’s-” your mums voice was shaky as she spoke, alessia on edge as her knee bounced up and down awaiting the next words.

“is she okay?” alessia asked it coming out as a whisper as her bottom lip began to wobble, fear taking over her body. watching as your mum shook her head no.

“i’m so sorry less.. but she’s gone”

the words fell on deaf ears as alessia almost didn’t hear what your mum had said it seemingly not wanting to go into her head but once it did her body crumbled like a brick wall. as her tears fell, your mum getting up immediately and wrapping the young girl in a hug.

“no, no- she, no” alessia choked out over her tear as your mum tried her best to soothe alessia as they both cried in each others arms. "she's at peace now sweetheart" your mum whispered into alessia's hair as she soothed the blonde as she sobbed.

the pair stayed in each others arms both choked up with tears, as once grieved the lost of their daughter, their own blood while the other grieved the loss of their best friend, a sister maybe not by blood but sisters by hearts.

alessia was the first to move as she looked to your mum with puffy red eyes, your mums face mirroring the same puffy eyes. "how'd- she. just how?" alessia managed to get out, part of her didn't want to know how or what you suffered but the other part would put her head to rest knowing you were not longer in pain.

"she- overdosed, they tried - they really did try to save her but she was already gone" your mum explained as a shiver went down alessia's spine as an image appeared in her brain as she shook her head trying to rid of it.

"i should have realised- with the injury she supposedly had- i-" alessia rushed out as she brought her hands up to cover her face, a pout forming on your mums face.

"alessia its not your fault, you weren't to know, y/n wouldn’t have blamed you." your mum comforted the blonde englufing her in a hug, "she's no longer in pain anymore"

the two of them stayed like that for a few moments later until alessia calmed down a little, your mum offering to make her something warm to drink. the afternoon had been a lot of the blonde to have to come to terms with.

your mum had walked off to make alessia a cup of tea, the blondes eyes wet as her bottom lip jutted out as she wondered her way towards the bathroom, stopping slightly as she reached your bedroom door.

her fingers lingered on the door handle as hesitation filled her body wondering if she should actually cross the threshold. a small movement and her foot was across the carpet as she made her way deeper into your room. her eyes filling up with tears once again, it smelled just like you.

alessia's hand dragged across the bedding which was made neatly, the room was spotless which for you was a rare thing. the softness of the blanket as alessia gripped it, as her legs seem to get weaker and a single tear slid down her cheek as her body slipped down the side of your bed. she stayed in your room, not wanting to move from the comfort of what was once your space.

alessia couldn’t tell you how long she stayed slouched down the side of your bed, in your room. maybe it had been ten minutes, three hours or maybe even a week.

she’d sat and cried with your mum and then she came and sat in your room, where many of days and nights had been spent. alessia’s eyes felt heavy, they were dry and puffy and most definitely red.

as she sat taking in the memories as she stared at the wall where small little photos scattered across the wall, as sense of emptiness filled the room. replacing the usual warmth she would get each time she entered. boxes already filled the room with your things packed in like you had never even existed.

alessia sat her legs outstretched, her fingers toying with the edges of two letters one had just been folded over, the other had been placed in an envelope. alessia’s name written in the nearest of handwriting, a little heart as the dot on the letter i in her name.

she’d read the one that had just been folded over, it being a short goodbye letter. one you probably scribbled in less than twenty minutes but it did reference the other neater letter having the answers that alessia would probably want to the questions that circled in her head.

like why. why’d you leave so soon. why didn’t you tell alessia you’d been struggling for so long. just why.

but she couldn’t bring it in herself to even open the other one, she didn’t think her heart could handle it reading it right now.

“oh less, i’m so sorry” alessia’s head slowly turned to the soft coo of the voice, it was her mum. a sad smile across her face as carol came closer. alessia not making any attempt to move, she couldn’t.

alessia’s mum wrapping her in a tight hug as the walls crashed down again, “she’s gone mum, what am i supposed to do without her..” alessia choked out through tears and sniffles as carol shushed her trying to calm her daughter down.

“let’s get you home, yeah?” carol asked as she pulled away from the hug, alessia still filled with tears as she nodded. small hiccups coming from her as she tried her best to pull herself up from your bedroom floor.

the envelope still held tightly in her hand, as she took on last look around your room. knowing it would probably be the last time she’d ever step foot in there.

a heavy sigh coming from alessia as she looked towards the small teddy that was laid in your neatly made bed, a little bunny that you couldn’t sleep without. every away day, every tournament that small bunny would come with.

alessia took a step towards the little bunny teddy, a little hesitant at first but then slowly reached out to it picking it up and lifting it up to her face. the soft fur as it sunk into her skin, it still smelling just like you. it feeling like you were stood right in front of alessia and boy how much she wished you were and that this wasn’t the reality she was facing now.

but unfortunately it was.

the drive home was long even though it was only a fifteen minute drive, the rain tapped against the glass as carol tried her best to converse with her daughter but alessia was having non of it just the occasional hum as her head leant against the cold glass.

alessia felt empty. she'd cried enough tears to fill a bathtub twice over and now she just felt numb. her eyes were sore, red as well as puffy. she'd lost a part of her.

when alessia finally got home she changed into different clothes feeling a little lighter but her whole body soon felt heavy again as she sat on her couch, your small bunny stuffy in her hand as she looked at the photo of the two of you from the euros final that held pride of place on the blondes tv cabinet as the blonde picked at the food her mum had made for her.

“are you sure your going to be okay on your own less? i can-“ carol asked as she stood leaning against the kitchen island, having sorted out alessia some dinner making sure the blonde actually had a hot meal in her especially after todays events.

“yes! i’ll be fine mum, i just- just need some time. i’ll message if i need anything” alessia’s tone coming across as snappy at first but once she realised she mumbled a small sorry before her tone got softer again. carol opening her mouth to say something but alessia quickly shut her down. “i promise mum, i will”

with that carol nodded, making the blonde a hot drink before leaving, kissing alessia on her head as alessia watched her mum walk out of her front door, waiting the door to click shut.

as soon as it did, she scrambled around placing the hot drink on the coffee table as she found her phone. her eyes glossy as she tapped away at the screen looking for a certain contact, a voice she needed right now.

“hello?- less?.. less?” ella paused, a hint of confusion as to why alessia hadn’t said anything.

“ella-“ alessia voice was shaky and she knew if she said more than two words she’d crumble again.

“less what’s up? how’s y/n, how’s her knee?” ella rattled out as the background noise got quieter, alessia wincing slightly at the sound of your name as she let out a few sniffles — it obvious to ella that something was up with her best friend.

“less, what’s happened? are you okay?” ella spoke fast as she was trying to get answers to her questions. the panic in her voice was evident.

“its y/n- she’s- she’s um” alessia tried to get out fast as she sobbed but she couldn’t bring herself to actually say the word as it hadn’t even processed in the blondes head that you were actually gone.

“woah- slow down less, you not makin’ any sense!” ella tried her best to calm alessia down, telling her to take deep breaths on the other side of the line, as her mind raced with what the end of the sentence was going to be.

“y/n- she’s gone.”

“what do you mean she’s gone? gone where?” ella asked her mind freezing as it hadn’t clicked what alessia meant as in reality that was the last thing she expected her best friend to even mean never mind actually say.

“she’s dead, ella.”

alessia

liked by leahwilliamson and 1,092,635 others

alessia today has truly been one of the hardest moments of my life - stepping back onto the pitch and not seeing you there. not being there to walk out onto the pitch with. not being able to watch you eat your jammy dodgers on the coach there.

y/n, you were one of the truest friends i ever had.

when you lose a true friend, the hardest part isn't the big moments, it's the small ones - the ones you take for granted. it's the everyday things which were boring but they made so fun, and so meaningful.

we were european champions together, we travelled to the other side of the world and made it to a world cup final, we played together for the same club. we did so many cool things. but you know what i miss most?

is just seeing you everyday, sitting for hours drinking coffee, your passion, your energy each day even when maybe i wasn’t in the best of moods — you knew how to brighten my day.

you touched so many lives in just 24 years. you wanted to change the world more than anyone i've ever known. you wanted football to be for everyone. this is very close to my heart and everyone who knew y/n personally. i'll be honest it's taken me a while to actually type this, it's still very raw for me.

with y/n y/ln in your life you were never alone. she was always there for others, she always found a way. she was always the one cheering the loudest for others. if you could bottle her energy, the world would be a much better place.

but with a little help her spirit, her warmth, and her legacy will live on. we will make sure of that.

i'll miss you forever. keep painting the skies pink my friend. i love you.

with love, your alessia<3

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[n0vazsq]

Long enough | JMM21 x Reader

pairing . . . pepe marti x campos!intern!reader

summary . . . Pepe had always had a crush on you, but never wanted to confess. That is until 'someone else' swoops in, and he realises he might lose you to him

request . . . yes!! based on this request!

word count . . . 1.1k+

warnings . . . none!

faceclaim . . . N/A

alexavia yaps . . . not my best work but yeah!! hope you guys enjoy!!

taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaa ,, @httpsdana ,, @hwalllllllelujah ,, @parkerloves (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)

. . . The Campos garage was alive with its usual chaos. Mechanics tuning the cars, engineers debating strategy calls, and the constant hum of anticipation as the race day unfolded.

Amidst it all, you scurried between the various departments, clipboard in hand, multitasking as an intern for the team.

You loved your job; the adrenaline, the camaraderie, and the shared passion for motorsport. What you didn’t notice, however, was the way Pepe's gaze followed you everywhere.

Pepe had it bad. Everyone on the team knew it. From the way he always found excuses to talk to you, "Do you know where they moved the telemetry sheets?", to the way he straightened up whenever you entered the room, his crush was glaringly obvious.

Everyone, that is, except you. You treated him with the same friendly professionalism you offered everyone else, which only drove Pepe further into his internal spiral.

"He’s hopeless," one of his engineers muttered as Pepe sat in the lounge, pretending not to watch you as you chatted on the phone across the paddock. "Why doesn’t he just tell her?"

"He’s scared she’ll say no," another replied. "But if he doesn’t do something soon, someone else is going to swoop in."

That ‘someone else’ turned out to be Jared McCain. The basketball player had flown in to watch the race and, more importantly, to catch up with you. Jared had been your friend since high school, and while your careers had taken you in different directions, you’d stayed close.

Seeing him again was a treat, and it showed in the way you hugged him as soon as he arrived at the paddock.

Pepe noticed. Oh, did he notice. He had just stepped out of the Campos motorhome when he spotted you laughing with Jared, the two of you leaning close as you exchanged stories.

The way Jared casually draped an arm over your shoulders made Pepe’s stomach twist in a way he didn’t understand. Was it jealousy? Oh, definitely.

"Who’s that?" Pepe asked one of the mechanics, trying his best to not sound too obvious.

"Jared McCain," the mechanic replied, clearly amused. "Plays basketball. He’s a big deal, you know."

Pepe gritted his teeth. "Right. And he’s….close with her?"

"Looks that way," the engineer said, then smirked. "Better shoot your shot, Pepe, or someone else might."

Pepe groaned, running a hand through his hair. "This is torture."

As the day went on, Jared stuck by your side, and Pepe’s mood grew worse. Every laugh you shared with Jared felt like a dagger to his chest. His usual charm and energy were replaced with quiet brooding, and everyone around him noticed.

"You okay, man?" Isack asked during the debrief.

Pepe shook his head. "No. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t just….watch her with him."

"So tell her how you feel," Sebastian, who had been there to watch them race, said. "Seriously, Pepe, it’s not that hard. She likes you, too."

Pepe looked at him skeptically. "How do you know that?"

"She doesn’t treat anyone else the way she treats you," he said. "She lights up when you’re around. Trust me."

Pepe’s heart soared at the thought, but doubt quickly crept back in. "What if I ruin things?"

"You won’t," Isack said firmly. "But if you wait any longer, you might lose her to McCain."

That was all it took. Pepe stood up, his resolve finally solidifying. He wasn’t about to let Jared, or anyone else, take you away from him.

He found you near the Campos garage, chatting with Jared as the post race celebrations wound down. Jared noticed Pepe first, giving him a knowing smirk before stepping aside.

"I’ll catch up with you later," Jared said to you, clapping Pepe on the shoulder as he walked away.

You turned to Pepe, surprised. "Hey! Congrats on the race. You were incredible out there."

Pepe barely heard your words. His heart was pounding, and for a moment, he thought about backing out. But then he saw the way you looked at him; genuine, kind, and completely oblivious to how much he adored you, and he knew he couldn’t stay silent any longer.

"Can we talk?" he blurted out, his voice more serious than usual.

Your brows knitted in concern. "Of course. What’s wrong?"

Pepe took a deep breath, his hands fidgeting nervously. "I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while, but I didn’t know how. And then today, seeing you with Jared…" He trailed off, his frustration rising to the surface. "I can’t stand the thought of losing you to someone else."

You blinked, completely caught off guard. "Losing me? Pepe, what are you talking about?"

He stepped closer, his dark eyes locking onto yours. "I like you. A lot. More than I’ve ever liked anyone. And I’ve been too scared to tell you because I didn’t think you felt the same. But I can’t keep it to myself anymore. You mean too much to me."

Your breath hitched, the weight of his words sinking in. You stared at him, trying to process what he’d just said. "Pepe, I…"

"I get it if you don’t feel the same," he said quickly, his voice trembling slightly. "But I had to tell you. I couldn’t keep it in any longer."

You took a step closer, your hand brushing against his. “Pepe, I had no idea. I thought… I thought you just saw me as a friend.”

"A friend?" Pepe scoffed, shaking his head. "You’re so much more than that. You’re… everything."

A soft smile spread across your face, and you reached up to cup his cheek. "You’re an idiot for thinking I wouldn’t feel the same."

Pepe’s eyes widened. "Wait… you mean-"

"I like you, too," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I have for a while. I just didn’t think you noticed me like that."

Pepe let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, a relieved laugh escaping him. "Noticed you? I’ve been obsessed with you."

You laughed, and the sound made Pepe’s chest swell with joy. He didn’t waste another second. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a tight hug.

From a few feet away, Jared leaned against the wall, smirking as he watched the two of you. "Took him long enough," he muttered to himself, shaking his head.

The rest of the paddock watched with quiet satisfaction as Pepe finally got the courage to confess. And as you pulled back from the hug to smile up at him, it was clear to everyone; Pepe Marti wasn’t letting go of you anytime soon.

[maxsimagination]

𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 - 𝗮.𝗯𝗼𝗻𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶

summary: the barcelona women are dying from heat exhaustion so they resort to acting like kids

𖦹 masterlist

𝗜𝗧 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗔𝗕𝗦𝗢𝗟𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗬 sweltering in barcelona.

even at seven in the morning, the spanish sun never failed to make everything hot.

unfortunately, that still meant we had to do training. as an australian i thought i'd be able to handle the heat, but on days like today i felt like i was dying.

aitana rolled over in our shared bed, smiling at my sleepy eyes. i didn't have any sheets covering my body, it was too hot for that. i was simply starfishing, face down on the mattress.

"time to get up, amor. we have training."

i groaned and shoved my face further into the pillow i was lying on.

aitana chuckled at me and started to get up. she pulled the curtains, attempted to make the bed as best she could with me lying on it still. then she moved to the bathroom to get ready.

i was internally groaning as i rolled out of bed myself, taking a bit to actually wake up. then i too got ready, throwing my training stuff haphazardly in my training bag and heading downstairs. when aitana made her way downstairs she ruffled my hair and pressed a kiss to my temple.

i was sleepily and slowly eating a bowl of muesli.

she sat next to me with the bowl i'd somehow managed to make for her as well.

we ate, and got everything we needed before i went back to our room to grab my phone and bag.

"yn are you ready?"

aitana called out to me from wherever she was in our apartment.

"yes, i'm coming!"

i grabbed my bag and dragged myself out to the door where aitana was.

"i made you a snack. here."

she handed me a container with some food in it and a little sticky note with a heart drawn on it stuck on top.

"thank you, mi amor."

i gave her a kiss on the cheek and we walked out to the car.

when we got to the training grounds, most of the other players were already there, just finishing getting changed.

we joined in and everyone eventually made it out onto the pitch.

we had a routine whenever we were training. the team always went to the gym first then we did drills on the field.

this was when aitana and i split up for a bit, i went straight for the weights while she was on the opposite side of the area, doing sets with kiera.

once everyone had done their own exercises and sets, we had a quick water break and made our way out to the field. 

our first drill was sets of five aside. there were five teams of five, four of them were playing while one sat out, then they rotated once they'd played for fifteen minutes.

weirdly, aitana and me were on the same team. jonatan almost always split us up but maybe he was feeling nice today.

we finished that drill and moved onto the next one.

the whole team ended up completing five or six more drills before another water break. everyone gathered round the water coolers and had water bottles in their hands.

i was one of the first at the cooler, desperate to get to liquid into my system. aitana walked over slowly with lucy and grabbed her own bottle.

but within the next minute she had moved behind me, pulled my shirt and squirted water all down my back. i whipped around with a shriek, before noticing it was aitana running away.

"'tana! not cool!"

then i grabbed another bottle that still had water in it, i'd completely drained mine, and ran after her. she was quick and got a bit away from me but i did manage to get her back when she ran back to the group. i hid behind lucy while she wasn't looking and crept up on her.

then squirted some water on her head and ran away again.

now it was her turn to shriek and turn around. she did catch up to me and got me with a heap of water. she had taken the lid off her bottle and just threw it at me. so i turned around and did the same.

jonatan saw us having our water fight and said he was happy with what we'd done for today and we were free to go home.

by then end of our little water fight we were both drenched from head to toe, but at least i was cooler.

[katelynnwrites]

All I Know Is This Could Either Break My Heart (Or Bring It Back To Life) | Sydney Lohmann

warnings: angst

word count: 4490

summary: you say sydney isn’t your girlfriend but just your best friend, yet is that all she is to you? part two can be found here

a/n: first time properly writing for syd so let me know how this went :)

‘Hi.’ Sydney meets you at the lobby of base camp with a smile and a tight hug.

You grin, squeezing her tightly.

‘Got your passport?’ She asks and you pout.

‘It was one time Syd. One time.’ You complain.

‘Well I would feel better if I held onto it for you. The last thing we need is for you to get left behind.’

She says the last sentence teasingly and you roll your eyes, handing Sydney your passport. She’s usually scattered brained but you know she’ll take good care of your passport. Better care that you yourself would.

Laura snorts, exchanging a look with Kathy.

Your best friend doesn’t notice but you do and it bothers you.

As you sit next to Syd on the bus, you ask her if she’d notice the look they shared.

Sydney shrugs saying that she hasn’t so you let it go, choosing to instead rest your head on her shoulder and watch a movie with her.

******

You don’t finish the movie on the bus so while sitting beside the Bayern Munich player on the plane, you accept the airpod she offers you and lay your head back on her shoulder to continue watching it.

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Lea glance at Feli and the Wolfsburg player laughs in return.

If Syd’s shoulder wasn’t so comfortable, you would get up and ask them what the hell is going on.

******

Sydney gets her luggage from the baggage carousel first.

She holds your hand and plays with the rings on your fingers while you wait.

It’s been a long flight, from Germany to Miami but it hasn’t impacted the general mood of your team. They are loud and cheerful, their bright chatter filling the airport’s arrival hall. You pay them no mind, choosing to instead focus on Sydney.

You give her a smile and she returns the gesture.

Your best friend’s smile dazzles you and you think that she has the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen.

It’s the reason you miss your suitcase coming down the baggage carousel.

Sydney doesn’t though and she easily lifts your bag from the carousel.

She hands it to you and you accept it with another grin.

Laura notices the moment and nudges Sara who shares the same knowing glance all your national teammates have been doing.

It frustrates you enough that you leave a surprised Sydney’s side to go up to the Eintracht Frankfurt players.

‘Okay what is up?’

‘The sky?’ Laura replies and you groan.

‘No. Not that. You guys keep sharing looks and I need to know why.’

Laura laughs, ‘Really? You and Syd are just so oblivious.’

‘What about me and Syd?’

‘There you go again!’

‘What?’ You insist and Laura quietens.

‘You really don’t know? You and Sydney aren’t just friends.’

You frown, ‘What do you mean?’

‘For one, you’re always doting on each other. Syd holds your passport and your hand whenever we travel. Lina tells me that you guys always fall asleep on each other after trainings so I know that’s not only an international break thing.

‘I don’t know what to tell you. We’re best friends.’

Laura pats you on your shoulder, ‘That’s not what friends are. Even best friends.’

******

Laura’s words are at the forefront of your mind as you follow Sydney out of the airport.

Your hand in hers feels familiar and warm but it doesn’t offer you the comfort it usually does.

The knowledge that the rest of the team is watching you and Syd makes you uncomfortable and self conscious.

Every action that you would typically easily do with Sydney now seems impossible with the way your mind is racing.

You’re overthinking every little thing and Sydney notices it immediately.

She doesn’t know what’s wrong but she knows that something is wrong.

Your best friend gives you a small smile but you don’t reciprocate it. It makes her feel uneasy and a little hurt inside.

It gets even worse when you reach the team bus and Sydney starts to help you take your bag only for you to grab it first.

She stares at you in confusion but you don’t have to look behind you to know that your national teammates are exchanging the look. It’s like an endless pressure and your cheeks flush a bright red.

It’s why you half jokingly and half embarrassedly say, ‘Stop it Sydney, you’re not my girlfriend.’

You regret it the moment the words are out of your mouth.

It’s by far the worst thing you could have said and as you watch Sydney’s face crumple, you know that the damage has been done.

Your best friend shuts down right in front of you and she turns away from you with a mumbled, ‘I’m sorry. I was just trying to help you.’

******

Sydney doesn’t sit next to you on the bus. She sits with Laura instead and despite how hard you’re wishing for her to turn around and just look at you, she doesn’t.

You can however feel Feli’s disappointed stare from beside you. She doesn’t need to say that you screwed up because you know it.

******

It’s the longest, most agonising bus ride you’ve ever had.

As soon as the bus stops, you’re out of your seat and trying to get to Sydney.

She seems to know that and beats you to the exit.

Laura stops you from going after her by catching your arm and leveling you with a glare

‘I’m sorry. I need to apologise to her.’

‘Not now. You hurt her badly.’ Laura firmly says.

‘I know.’ You mumble defeatedly and the blonde lets you go.

******

It’s no surprise that you’re rooming with Sydney.

You always room with your best friend.

What’s new is the way Syd feels so distant. She’s not unkind or outwardly angry but just far away.

And it’s killing you knowing that this is all your fault.

If you are being honest, you have seen the way Sydney’s been.

She’s always been more affectionate with you, more caring and protective with you than her other friends.

It’s not a platonic friendship and the feelings are not one sided either.

Lingering touches and longing stares have been becoming more frequent between the both of you and Sydney means far more to you than you let on.

That’s the truth that you have been burying for almost two years now.

‘Sydney…I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.’ You softly say as soon as your best friend closes the door.

‘Are we okay?’ You add when she doesn’t say anything.

‘Why wouldn’t we be?’ She shrugs before dumping her bag on her bed and going into the bathroom.

You stare blankly after her and the sound of the bathroom door closing makes you flinch. Somehow despite Syd’s words, you’re not reassured and feel even guiltier than before.

******

Two days go by and you’re nearing your breaking point.

Sydney keeps her distance, sticking close to Laura instead of you and it hurts. You have a Sydney shaped hole in your heart and it’s making it hard for you to breathe.

You had been looking forward to this training camp in the United States but now you just want to go home.

Especially when you hear Syd laugh with Laura.

Only your best friend would be laughing at six in the morning, in the pouring rain as she sits outside of a Dunkin Donuts.

The stupid fire alarm had gone off twice in your hotel and had resulted in the entire team seeking refuge at the only place open at this ungodly hour.

You are tired and jetlagged, Sydney’s laugh being the only thing making your day better.

As you watch her eat her donut which of course has icing in the shape of a smiley face on it because that is so Syd, you wish she would just snap at you.

The painful silence is unbearable.

Beside you, Sara echoes your sentiments.

‘If she would snap at you, at least it still counts as talking.’

You shrug because what else can you say?

That as far back as you can remember, this is the longest you’ve ever gone with speaking to your best friend?

You texted every day and sent each other Snaps all the time.

But Sydney hadn’t replied to any of your messages or sent you any Snaps since your mistake.

******

It’s an awkward silence in your hotel room.

Sydney doesn’t acknowledge you no matter how hard you try. She is right next to you and yet it feels like she’s on the other side of the world.

You miss her more than you ever thought possible.

‘Syd?’ You softly whisper but she doesn't answer you.

It’s too much and you roll over in your bed to face away from Sydney. Covering your mouth with your hand, you sob yourself to sleep as quietly as you can.

If only you knew that in her bed, the Bayern Munich player is doing the same.

******

Alex pulls you aside after the final training in Miami.

‘You need to fix this.’ Alex states.

Your national team captain had let it go on as long as she could before intervening but with today being the last day before the team plays against the reigning world champions, she needed the team united.

‘I tried Poppi. I’m trying but she won’t even look at me.’

You’re close to tears again and Alex feels for you, she really does.

She hugs you tightly and you cry.

******

Both you and Sydney start on the bench.

You’re not surprised given how the two of you have been. Martina had definitely picked up on the tension and did what would be best for the team.

It is frustrating to be benched though and you wish you were on the field.

At half time, your coach, in her own indirect way, tells you and Sydney to sort things out if you want a chance to play.

That’s how you end up alone outside Germany’s locker room with your best friend who can’t even look you in the eye.

‘We don’t have time for this.’ Sydney tightly says.

It’s the first time she has properly spoken to you since you had said those awfully insensitive words but what she’s said is true.

‘We don’t have a choice.’ You quietly answer.

‘Well haven’t you heard of pretending?’ Syd bites out, already stepping back towards the entrance to the locker room.

‘Sydney!’ You grab her hand and block her path back in.

‘Please Syd…are you punishing me for what I said? Because I’m sorry. I wish I could take it back but I can’t so please please talk to me. What’s going on here?’ You beg.

You’re all too aware of how your voice is cracking and Sydney’s well aware that you have hit your breaking point.

Her hazel eyes soften. They’re sad and affectionate, her gaze always warm on you.

It encourages you enough to squeeze her hand in yours.

‘Sydney please. Tell me what’s happening. What’s going through that pretty head of yours?’

Your best friend sighs defeatedly, ‘If you really want the truth then we shouldn’t do this now.’

‘No. We are absolutely doing this now.’ You determinedly say.

Sydney gently takes her hand out of yours.

Her hands come up to cradle your face and it’s painfully intimate but you can’t look away. Not when her looking at you is all you’ve been wanting for the past few days.

She is so close, close enough that you can feel her breath on your cheeks.

Your best friend brushes a thumb over your cheekbone.

‘You win. I-I’m done. I’m giving up now.’

‘Sydney what are you talking about?’

The Bayern Munich player makes a hurt noise and drops her hands back down to her sides, ‘You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve known for a long time and I don’t know who you’re trying to hide from now that it’s only the two of us here.’

Her tone is angry and bitter, making you panic.

Your heart is pounding when you whisper, ‘It was just a joke. Why are you so affected?’

It’s precisely the wrong thing to say, a hated habit that you are beginning to form when it comes to Syd.

‘Because it’s also a fact! You have no idea what it feels like to love you without being able to have you. It is agony to have what you want so close and yet know that it is impossible to get it. I want you and I can’t have you because you don’t want me!’ She shouts and you flinch back.

‘You don’t want me to be your girlfriend? Fine. Message received. You want to shoot me down in front of all our teammates? Go ahead, you’re getting pretty fucking good at it. But let me keep the little bit of dignity and self respect I have left. Let me go.’

Sydney doesn’t wait for you to respond and disappears back into the locker room, leaving you alone in the hallway with tears silently streaming down your face.

******

Martina makes a double substitution, putting both you and Sydney on at the same time.

You figure that Syd must have told her that everything has been resolved.

It’s not like your entire world is crumbling down around you.

Sydney’s eyes on yours snaps you out of it.

She holds out her fist for your usual handshake and as you let muscle memory take over, you will yourself to remember every last second of it.

You don’t know if this is the last time you’ll ever be able to share a moment like this with her ever again.

After Syd had left you in the hallway, you’d stood still for a moment and pleaded with your heart to stop shattering. It hadn’t but you had somehow managed to pull yourself together and wipe away your tears so that you could pretend everything is okay when you walked back into the locker room.

‘Let’s make this count.’ Your best friend breathes, barely loud enough for you to hear her. You squeeze her hand in answer before you’re both running onto the pitch.

******

Germany wins.

Shortly after you and Syd come on, she passes you a beautiful ball that you manage to slot home.

Your best friend runs to you in celebration and you lift her up easily, spinning her around.

You know that she is holding onto this as much as you are.

Her smile is gentle and affectionate, her hands on your waist, a welcome touch.

There’s always been an invisible string attaching you to her, the reason why your connection shines through on the pitch and off it. It’s like you’re always aware of her presence, just as she is with yours.

You compliment her perfectly and she you, everyone can see that.

As the rest of the team joins you both, you focus solely on Sydney, commiting to memory the way the corners of her eyes crinkle when she smiles.

You know that she is doing the same in case everything goes wrong later.

******

After the game, the atmosphere is euphoric. It’s a big win and one to be proud of.

Martina and the staff seem to think so, given that there are coolers of beer waiting in the locker room when the team enters.

It appears that you and Sydney must have assured them that everything is now okay between you two because they pull the pair of you right into the celebrations.

There’s music blasting and Laura’s taking photos of it all. Linda’s had a few drinks and she always gets emotional after.

It’s not hard to predict that she is going to give one of her speeches.

Your older teammate gets up on the table, loudly thanking Paulie for her lovely goals before turning to you and Sydney.

‘And the two of you. What you have is magic. Never lose that. Bayern Munich is lucky to have you both in midfield and we are even luckier.’

Everyone cheers but you feel the guilt weighing on you become too much to bear.

Murmuring that you’re not feeling well to Klara, you brush off her concern and slip out of the too hot locker room.

You hide in the stairwell, nursing your beer alone till it’s time to go.

******

The entire bus ride back to the hotel, you sit next to Felicitas who is thankfully too exhausted to notice your uneven and shaky breaths.

There’s so much fear and pain that you’re feeling and you are barely able to keep it together long enough to make it to your hotel room.

The moment the door clicks shut, you feel a sob escape and once a single tear leaves your eye, you’re unable to stop the rest that follow quickly after.

You rush to the bathroom to splash water on your face, to hopefully wash the salty tears away but it’s in vain. You give up and sink onto the floor, hyperventilating with your head in your hands.

It’s how Sydney finds you, curled on the bathroom floor as you cry your heart out.

She’s kneeling down beside you in an instant, her hands lightly brushing away your tears as she pulls you into her.

‘What’s wrong? Why are you crying?’ Did you get hurt during the game?’ Your best friend rushes out.

She sounds worried and frightened, two emotions that are strange coming from her.

None too gently, you shove her away from you.

‘No. You’re what’s wrong.’

Sydney blinks in shock.

Angrily, you use the back of your hand to scrub away your remaining tears.

‘Me?’ Sydney indignantly asks.

‘Yes you. I’m sorry for what I said and you-’

‘Not this again.’ The Bayern Munich player sighs and you snap at her.

‘No! You did all the talking before. Now it’s my turn!’

‘Calm down-’ Syd tries but you don’t let her say anything else.

‘No! How can you not know? How can you not know what you are to me? Girlfriend? That word doesn’t even begin to cover what you are to me!’

‘Take a breath.’ Sydney pleads.

‘You need to be quiet!’ You yell before doing as she says anyway.

‘You may not be my girlfriend Sydney but you sure as hell are more than that. Soulmate? World? Everything? Those words pale in comparison to what you are to me.’

‘I-I don’t understand. You always refer to me as your best friend.’ Sydney stammers.

‘You are my best friend Syd but that’s not all that you are to me.’ You whisper.

The confession takes all the anger out of you and you’re just left standing there, almost defeatedly staring at Sydney.

The hazel eyed woman takes in a shaky breath, reaching out tentatively to wipe your cheek.

‘You’re crying.’ She softly murmurs.

‘I’m sorry.’ You breathe.

You didn’t know that tears have been sliding down your cheeks without your permission.

‘Don’t apologise.’ She tells you, her voice equally low.

Sydney’s gaze never leaves yours and after a few tense moments you beg, ‘Syd please say something.’

‘What do you want me to say? Because I don’t understand. You’re not making any sense.’

‘What don’t you understand?’

‘You. You’ve always pushed me away when I was too affectionate. You are the first to deny that we are dating when our teammates tease us. Whenever the lines get blurred between whatever we are, you’re constantly the first to pull back.’ Sydney lists, counting on her fingers

‘I know and I am so sorry Syd. I was, I am just really scared.’ You drop your eyes back down and pick at your nails.

You’re too ashamed to look at her directly, choosing to continue wringing your hands.

‘You’re my best friend Syd. We’ve known each other since we were children. We spend pretty much every day together. We have a special connection on and off the pitch. I don’t want to screw that up.’

‘And that scares you?’ Sydney asks.

‘It terrifies me.’ You admit.

‘But you mean it? What you said about us?’ Sydney’s voice wavers, her insecurity bleeding through.

She’s wearing her heart on her sleeve and you know that this is the final chance she is offering you. One last chance to make her believe you.

You’d be damned if you fail.

‘I meant every word.’ You promise.

Gently, you take one of her hands in yours and kiss the back of it.

Sydney shivers.

‘So what do you want to do now? Where do we go from here?’ She whispers.

You pause for a long moment, thinking about what to say.

Eventually you decide that being honest will be best.

Sydney has always made her feelings clear to you. It’s your turn to make the same effort for her.

‘I don’t want us to be together. I don’t want a relationship.’

Sydney’s breath catches but you squeeze her hand in yours.

‘Hear me out please.’

You let out a relieved sigh when the Bayern Munich player doesn’t pull away.

‘We’re only twenty two and our careers are just getting started. We have the Champions League and the World Cup next year. I just don’t think that a relationship is what we need right now.’

Your best friend exhales slowly, thinking over your words.

It’s an agonising wait for you but you know it’s nothing compared to what she has gone through these past two years.

Finally, Sydney squeezes your hand tightly.

‘I wish you would have talked to me sooner. Because I entirely agree with you. I get it, I would have understood.’

‘I’m sorry.’ You apologise again and Sydney gives you a small smile.

‘I don’t want to be in a relationship now but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you. You’re my favourite person, the most important person in my life Syd. You have me and I am fully committed to you, to us. I need you to know that.’

The Bayern Munich player searches your eyes for any sign that you’re lying and the last of the tension in her body leaves when she finds none.

‘You have me too. I’m yours.’ She promises.

Blinking back tears, you nod and then almost pleadingly say, ‘C-Can I have a hug now Syd? Cause I’ve missed you so much this past week and I-’

Sydney doesn’t let you finish, pulling you into a tight hug. She wraps her arms around you and sniffles.

‘I’ve missed you too.’

You bury your face into the side of her neck and hold her against you.

‘I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that.’

‘I love you too but I guess you already knew that.’ Sydney half teases.

The other half of her is completely focused on holding back her tears but a few slip free regardless.

Carefully, like you’re afraid of her pushing you aside, you start to kiss them away.

Sydney melts into you, letting out a soft sigh of contentment.

You press a lingering kiss onto her forehead and then draw back just enough to lightly poke at her cheek until she smiles, revealing her dimples.

‘You’re beautiful.’

‘So are you.’ Syd whispers back.

You laugh and shake your head, ‘Not when I’ve been crying for days. My cheeks are blotchy and my eyes are swollen.’

Glancing at the bathroom mirror, you giggle when you see your reflection because you’re right.

‘Well you are to me. You’re always so gorgeous.’ Sydney firmly states.

You blush and she laughs. Her laugh is music to your ears.

******

Later that night after you finally get out of your sweaty kit and into a clean change of clothes, you lie down next to Sydney in her bed.

She takes you into her arms immediately, pressing a gentle kiss onto your cheek.

‘Hi sonnenschein.’ You mumble and her hazel eyes light up.

‘Hi.’

You play with the ends of her hair and Sydney’s adoration is obvious.

You hope yours is too because there’s nothing that you want to hide from her anymore.

Sydney seems to be thinking though and she voices her thoughts out loud.

‘Will you do me a favour?’

‘Anything.’

‘Can you please stop shooting me down so badly when we’re with our teammates? It hurts and it’s so humiliating when they give me those pitying looks. I’m not asking you to be all loud about it because I know that’s not who you are. Just please, don’t make it seem like what I feel for you is unrequited.’

Sydney’s eyes still hold traces of pain and your heart clenches as you realise that you are the one responsible for it.

‘I’m sorry. I’ll do my best, I promise. I love you Syd.’

‘Love you too.’ She softly responds and leans in close to plant an affectionate kiss onto your forehead.

The both of you talk a little more after that but eventually, though neither of you played the full ninety minutes, the emotional stress of the past few days catches up and sleep pulls the two of you under.

******

You don’t how long you’ve been staring but Syd starts to stir awake.

‘I’ve dreamt of this for a long time, you know?’ She mumbles.

‘Dreamt of what?’

‘Holding you as we fall asleep and wake up together.’

Sydney’s hazel eyes are warm in the morning light and you reach out to lightly brush her hair away from her eyes.

She softens even more than you ever thought possible when you press yourself closer to her.

The Bayern Munich player’s arm slips around your waist and she holds you in a firm and yet oh so gentle grip. It’s familiar and startlingly new all at once. She’s held you near countless times but not like this, never like this.

This is intimate and definitely crossing the blurred lines. Lines that are not so blurred anymore.

‘Is this okay?’ You check and Sydney nods, her gaze entirely transfixed on your lips because of how close they are to her own.

Feeling a bit braver now that you know she approves, you close the remaining distance and tentatively press your lips onto hers.

Sydney lets out a tiny squeak and then she’s reciprocating. Her lips on yours are patient and gentle and completely overwhelming in the best of ways.

‘I dreamt of this too.’ She breathes, as if afraid that the moment will disappear if she’s any louder.

Your heart aches for how vulnerable she seems.

‘Me too.’ You whisper and Syd smiles.

It’s a beautiful, radiant smile and you fall even more in love with her.

‘Is this better than what you’ve dreamt of?’ You ask teasingly.

Sydney giggles, ‘By far.’

Then she’s kissing you and everything is right in the world.

Sydney’s not your girlfriend or just your best friend. She’s much more. She is so much more than words can ever convey.

German Translation:

sonnenschein - sunshine

[billdenbrough]

@naturecalls111 prompted me kevaaron + massage when i needed a warmup prompt bc she is the best. waves hands this is a vague au and heads up for some suggestive content ahead but it's just prelude vibes lmao

The thing is. The thing is that Aaron’s hands, while smaller than Kevin’s, are firm. It was a fuck of a thing, coming onto this team after two years of Volshan’s huge, bone-cracking hands, and being told this small blond with sharp eyes and a clever, pretty mouth would be the one helping Kevin with keeping his body well-tuned.

He certainly feels like an instrument right now, strung too tight. Everything is taut. He’s only halfway sure it’s his muscles. The rest of it might just be him, here, right now, in this moment. 

“God, what have you been doing to yourself?” Aaron mutters. He digs his thumb in deep, and Kevin can’t help the low, guttural groan that rings through the air. Aaron pauses. Kevin buries his face in the bed.

“Well, clearly that needed some working out,” Aaron says. He resumes his motions, pausing only to re-lotion his hands, and it’s just - Kevin is just -

Kevin is a fucking professional, okay? You don’t get onto as many teams as he has—let alone at the international level—without going through the team PT’s hands a time or twenty. But it’s just.

Aaron’s kinda funny, see. He's got this dry, quiet humour, usually pretty cutting, and these blunt remarks that make Kevin snort even when the recipient of such a remark sends him an injured look. The breakdown in relations with his teammates is worth it when Aaron sends him that little smile. And Aaron is smart. Obviously, medical professional, but he likes trivia and has opinions on the best way to hide a body (“My something-in-law,” he says once, in the world’s vaguest lore drop. “He’s got a variety of skills.” Which, like, ominous? If Jean were here, he’d be telling Kevin that the fact that Aaron clearly being related to some sort of serial killer isn’t flagging his boner at all means Kevin truly has taken too many Exy balls to the head. It might be true. Doesn’t change the fact that his boner remains undaunted and his neck prickles whenever he hears Aaron enter a room, so aware of him) and confiscates Kevin’s Exy racquet when he catches him at the court too late, but doesn’t make him go home. 

Which is how they end up here, actually.

Aaron says, you’re going to injure yourself, don’t be a fucking idiot. Kevin says, I need to get better. Aaron says, you’re already the best person on that court, you perfectionistic fuck. Kevin grins at him, quick and fierce, then remembers himself, and says, I can always get better. Aaron arches an eyebrow and says, not if you blow out your knee trying to conquer the world. Kevin wants to argue, but Aaron reaches over and tugs his Exy racquet free, placing one hand on Kevin’s bicep as he does so. Kevin is so struck by it that he lets him. 

Aaron says, you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to go back home. Kevin doesn’t ask how he guessed or what he’s implying. Kevin asks, what are you doing here? And Aaron says, checking the office. Thought I could get some paperwork done.

And Kevin asks, do you want company? And Aaron looks at him, expression a little unreadable, then says, yeah, okay. Come on, Kevin Day.

And he goes. And Kevin follows. 

And now here’s Kevin, getting an impromptu massage because Aaron narrowed his eyes at the way he was moving his left leg. And now Aaron’s fingers are moving up the back of his thigh, digging in, and all Kevin can think about is how badly he wants those fingers to be digging in because he’s holding on. Because he’s pulling Kevin down on him, clutching at him because he doesn’t want to let go. Or because he’s clinging to Kevin’s shoulders for dear life while Kevin proves to him that all his chat about the stamina of champions isn’t just chat. Kevin’s not picky. He’s just losing his mind a little, maybe, with how it all feels right now.

“Did you want me to do the front?” Aaron asks. “I can check your knee.”

Kevin shakes his head quickly. “It’s fine,” he says, but Aaron is frowning at him. He moves around the bed to face Kevin, and Kevin can’t escape his gaze, lying down as he is.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He presses the back of his hand against Kevin’s forehead—if he thinks Kevin has a fever and benches him, Kevin is going to be absolutely insufferable, especially because he’s fine, he’s just horny. Then he does something so completely unforgivable, and flips his hand absentmindedly, cupping Kevin's jaw. 

Kevin lets out a low whine.

Aaron steps back, and Kevin goes, “Shit, sorry, it’s—Keegan bruised me there earlier.”

The look Aaron gives him is unconvinced, but he nods. “Okay,” he says. “I'll just do a warm down then, if you’re sure.”

Kevin swallows, nods.

But then Aaron's hands are back on him. Gentler this time, for the most part, but digging into softer flesh, more tender spaces, and then—

Kevin makes a kind of gasping noise as Aaron’s hand slips a little, a little too slick from the lotion. Aaron’s apology is swallowed up by the gasp, but then cut off completely as his hand brushes against Kevin’s hard dick.

“Oh,” Aaron says, and then, “Is this why you were being so—Kevin, it’s fine. This is really normal. I promise I've seen it before.”

Appallingly, Kevin’s first instinct is to indignantly ask “Who?!”; however, cooler heads prevail and he says, “Uh huh.”

“No, I promise,” Aaron says. His voice is a little strange, but there’s sincerity in it, Kevin can tell that much. “I know it’s just a reaction, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s natural.”

Kevin blames Jeremy, who is the least honest but most sincere person he knows, for what comes out of his mouth next. Jeremy, who never tells anyone shit but is always so encouraging for people to be open with their feelings. It’s his fault, Kevin decides, because Kevin’s stupid fucking mouth decides to say, “I wouldn’t say anything.”

Aaron goes really still for a moment. Kevin is still not looking at him, so he only knows this from the sudden lack of breathing. Then, finally, “What?”

Kevin huffs, then turns over. No point hiding it now that they both know he’s hard as a rock.

It's embarrassing, but he’s said it now. He can’t unfuck that. So he stands his ground instead. “I wouldn't say it’s entirely meaningless.”

Aaron’s looking at him. Mostly his face, but he glances down at his dick, and Kevin feels it stir with interest beneath the attention. He's about to feel embarrassed, but then Aaron tilts his head, and his eyes darken just a shade, and Kevin thinks—oh. Kevin thinks, maybe this isn’t such a lost cause after all.

[mariposa-writes]

Good Sleep - LaMelo Ball

Summary: hate writing these, so just read and find out.

A/N: This man is the love of my life (and his brothers).

It was hard, dating an NBA player. Not that it was Melo's fault. He tried to make things as easy as possible. He called whenever he could, making sure to at least check in on me once a day.

It wasn't like I made things any easier. I took a lot of pride in my job and it felt like a lot of the time when he was home, I was busy working.

Which is what I am currently doing. Its around midnight, when I hear the garage open, I know it's Melo. His team was supposed to get back earlier tonight, but their flight got delayed due to weather.

After a few minutes he enters our room. I moved in with him a 6 months ago, since I practically lived there full time anyways. We both also thought it would be a good way to spend more time together.

"Hey, babe." He says walking over to me and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. He heads into our bathroom, getting ready to shower. He hates how he feels after plane rides, always complaining about being dirty. "What are you working on?" He calls from the bathroom.

"Just work stuff." I respond, not having the time to explain. I have to have these reports ready by Monday. I'm a CFO for a major clothing company in the US. We are currently working on expanding to European countries.

Melo showers while I work and before I know it he's climbing into bed. "Babe," He whines, "when are you going to bed?"

"I don't know, soon." I answer, dismissively. He frowns, looking up at me from where he's laying.

"You work to hard. Your not even 22 and your the CFO for a major company. I worry you're gonna work yourself to death." Melo's always hated how hard I work. We've been dating since we were both 19.

I was getting ready to graduate college, when he was getting drafted into the NBA. Being born a genius helped me fast track my schooling and career.

I started interning with the company I currently work at when I was 17, the summer after my junior year. I started working with them when they were just a start up, but in the past four years they have rapidly grown and I've been a part of the process the whole way.

This company is like my baby and I'm the one that has to track everything to make sure we are achieving our goals. I never intended on working here this long, but I love the people I work with (the pay isn't bad either).

They promoted me to CFO when their old one left to work for a bigger company. What an idiot, they didn't have believe in the company and soon ours will be bigger than the one they are working for.

Three hours later and I'm still working, Melo's passed out. After he fell asleep I headed to the office he set up for me, not wanting to wake him.

I have a blanket wrapped around me, with my headphones in and a cup of hot chocolate sitting on the desk. Once I get this done, I'll be on Monday and present to our investors I will be on vacation for the next 9 days.

I haven't told Melo yet, wanting to surprise him since our schedules rarely line up.

I look up from my computer, when I see the hallway light turn on. I take my headphones out, knowing it's Melo. He walks into my office, frowning. "Babe, go to bed." He groans.

"Ok, just give me a few minutes."

"Nope, you always say that and then a few minutes turn into another hour or two and then you're only getting like 2 hours of sleep before you head into the office." He walks over and shuts my laptop, before pulling me out of the chair.

I whine and protest the whole way back to our bed, but he doesn't seem to care. He makes me lay down and tucks me in like I'm a little kid, before climbing in bed next to me.

Once he's in bed his, arm wraps around my waist as he pulls me closer resting his head on my stomach. "Finally, I can sleep now."

"You've been asleep this whole time." I argue.

"Yea, but now I'll get good sleep. I only get good sleep when you're with me." I smile, even though he can't see me. I continue playing with his hair, before we both drift of to sleep in each other's arms.

[violetjedisylveon]

Little Thief

Spicynoodles Tangled AU chapter 5

Summary: MK teams up with the Horned Demon Twins, Yin and Jin, to steal the Lost Prince’s crown. Red Son goes through his typical daily routine, silently longing for something more.

Word count: 3.9k

Warnings: 🚫gaslighting, manipulation🚫

A/N: MK's finally here, yay 🎉 the plot has begun

I made a stupid ass ship chart for MK and Red Son in this AU

The lantern scene by @py-dreamer

Spicynoodles Tangled AU Masterpost

____________________________________________________________________________________________

MK adjusted his hood over his face, his shadow mask made it kinda unnecessary, but it was part of his whole look. Besides, it kept his ears hidden if, heavens forbid, his glamor failed him.

Speaking of his ears, the sensitive appendages flicked at the approaching pair of demons.

They had been heading his way for about an hour, sometimes it really annoyed him how long it took for people to enter the “normal” hearing range. What was the use of being able to hear people a mile away if they'd all kill you for it?

The foolish pair were finally close enough that it wouldn't be suspicious. He turned around with his arms crossed to face them.

“Took you long enough.” He muttered.

“Shut it, Monkie Kid, we’re the ones with the offer, we can show up whenever we want!” Jin hissed at him.

He rolled his eyes.

From what he'd heard, and he heard a lot of shit, the Horned Demon Twins were generally regarded as annoying to work with. He hoped they wouldn't be stupid enough to double cross him, they were certainly foolish enough to work with him, he had quite the reputation for a little light betrayal.

These guys had been around for centuries too, if they were foolish enough to get conned by him, well then they deserved it. 

“Who are we stealing from?” He asked with a yawn.

The brothers made a quick group huddle angled away from him, snickering to each other about some probably stupid joke. He glared at them until they turned back around.

Yin slammed a paper down on the tree stump between them with a cocky grin. MK rolled his eyes again, expecting it to be some silly little trinket that the pair decided needed to be theirs.

His eyes widened at the object sketched onto the paper.

“You want to steal the Lost Prince’s crown?!” He nearly shouted.

It was incredibly dangerous, idiotic, and sounded like a lot of fun.

“You crazy bastards, I'm in!” he exclaimed.

He flipped the paper over, examining the twins’ entry plan. 

“Told you he'd be on board.” Jin told his brother smugly.

His hidden ears flicked as the blue demon approached him. Jin threw his arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his side. MK cursed his height.

“Bet you're excited to go home.” Jin said, playfully shaking him.

MK glared at him, twisting free of the other demon's grip.

“It's not my home.” he hissed.

Jin gave him a confused look, MK groaned internally.

“But aren't you all from there?”

“No. Just cause I'm a monkey doesn't mean I came from there.” Mk growled.

He handed the paper back to Yin and walked away.

“I'm gonna think of a better plan and you two are making me dumber.” He told the pair.

He tuned out their offended sputtering after him.

He hated the assumption that he was from the Ironbull Kingdom. A lot of monkey demons lived there, but not all of them, Ironbull was just the only place with a somewhat decent population.

Of course those two would assume he came from there, as if any monkey demon with a brain would leave once they made it. 

He pulled out his staff from behind his ear and struck a rock to his side. It satisfyingly crumbled to dust.

Feeling calmer, he schooled his expression to his usual confident, laid back grin, he warped his mask to match, then returned to where the demon twins were waiting.

“Fixed your plan.” He told them.

“Fixed?! Our plan was brilliant!” Yin shouted.

“Yeah, brilliantly flawed.” he sneered.

“You are working off outdated schematics, after the Prince was taken, they upgraded their security, it's one of the most well guarded palaces in the world. You thought this was gonna cut it?” he snorted.

The brothers glared at him with mumbles but didn't argue.

“Now, I've got the perfect plan.” he said.

XXX

“Mei, stop making a mess.” Red Son scolded the little dragon.

Mei squeaked indignantly at him. The little green dragon was messing around with rice flour he had left on the counter. He plucked the dragon off the counter and onto the floor.

“Go clean yourself up.” He shooed her off with a light tap to the base of her tail.

She flopped dramatically onto the ground, writhing in agony like he'd actually kicked her.

He rolled his eyes and picked her up by her mane. Like magic, she went limp.

Red Son brought his sister to the bathroom for a quick wash off, flour got stuck to her mane and spread everywhere if he didn't. He kept a firm grip on Mei's mane to keep her from swimming around, she loved to swim in the bathing tub so much.

She probably does this on purpose so she can swim. He sighed. He quickly dried the little dragon off, he still needed to make breakfast and do his chores before Mother came home.

Mei wiggled out of his hands, darting out of the bathroom and towards the pantry before he could catch her.   

“Mei!” He shouted.

She stuck her bright blue tongue out at him, the action slowed her down enough for him to catch her. 

“Stop causing trouble. I'm trying to make breakfast.” He told the dragon.

“Is that little brat getting in the way?” Cōng asked.

Red Son jumped at the man's sudden appearance behind him. The ever present grin on his face widened.

“If you don't behave, I will put you on the top shelf.” Cōng promised.

Mei shrank away from him.

“Understand?” Cōng prompted, leaning in too close for Red Son’s liking.

He always got too close. Mei nodded. Cōng’s already wide grin grew, somehow, he patted the top of her head.

“Wonderful. Now get to your chores, both of you.” He ordered.

They both nodded, Red Son had to duck around the man to get back to the kitchen.

He was quick to get breakfast made, when that was done, he started the rest of his chores.

It was his typical daily routine: clean the kitchen, sweep the floors, ignore the persistent longing for more than life inside his tower, dust the furniture, make sure Mother's room was up to her standards, then make his and Mei's bed and tidy up his room and work room.

The small space had been added on to his room as a safe space for him to construct his various projects; his latest work, a stained glass lantern, sat on the table.

The lantern was ready for its first test.

He closed the curtain and covered the windows and skylights. He snapped his fingers, illuminating the room with the small dark magenta and red flame that danced above his fingertips.

Red Son sat at his work table, carefully lighting a match with his spark. The flame went from volatile reds and purples to a calmly flickering warm yellow. He lit the wick, Mei dropped down onto the table to watch the magic happen.

The flame slowly traveled up the wick, beams of light filled the room with a rainbow of colors. The scene he'd put onto the lantern was a bit self indulgent, it was him outside of his tower watching the floating lights that appeared over the mountains every year on his birthday.

Time for the test. He gave it a gentle spin.

The glass hair trailing down from the treetops looked like it was moving.

“It worked…” he gasped quietly.

The lantern slowed to a stop, the illusion of movement ended, returning to a still image.

He spun it again, resting his chin in his hand to watch the little glass version of himself enjoy the world he couldn't.

Though maybe… maybe, now that I'm older, Mother will let me go…

XXX

MK slipped along the shadows cast by the rising sun on the palace. While moving shadows were hardly uncommon in this kingdom, he was still playing it safe by staying deeper in the shadows. He was less likely to run into anyone else as well, though his people were far from early risers.

He made his way through the shadows to the throne room.

Neither the King nor the Queen were present at the moment, it was early in the morning. MK was sure if he extended his hearing enough he'd be able to hear the royal couple in their room, likely quietly mourning.

As much as he loathed to admit it, the one actually useful part of Yin and Jin’s was the timing.

The lost prince's birthday was tomorrow, Queen Iron Fan and Demon Bull King were known to withdraw from the court for the days around it.

It was like a holiday, the whole kingdom put on a festival for the lost prince in the hopes of leading him home, if the guy was somehow still alive after being stolen by a centuries old demonic witch of course.

MK peeked around the throne room, the only people present were the guards for the prince's crown.

The Crown Guard were some of the most trusted and well trained soldiers in the entire kingdom, personally trained by the Monkey King and the Third Prince of the West Sea, Ao Lie. Lucky bastards.

This was who the kingdom sent to help with emergencies when local authorities were overwhelmed, of course always leaving some of the guards behind to protect the capital.

There were three guards currently on duty.

Two monkey demons and a young snake demon. Thankfully, neither of the monkey demons were disguised LEMs.

I shouldn't underestimate them, but I think I can handle these guys. MK smirked to himself.

His ears picked up the sound of someone approaching the throne room, he tucked himself deep enough into the shadows that he couldn't easily be seen but he could still see what was happening clearly.

The doors were thrown open.

A monkey demon walked into the throne room, not just any monkey demon, but a Lotus Eared Macaque. Luckily, the demoness only had a single set of ears, like most of the LEMs alive today.

She was dressed in the traditional LEM clothing that made sneaking around the shadows easier, the looser clothes created a less defined silhouette. It was more common with LEMs who lived here, if they lived anywhere else they took whatever they could get. She wore a deep green cape over her shoulders, the back of her cape had the sigils of the Ironbull Kingdom and the Court of Flower Fruit Mountain embroidered onto it. And she had a red scarf wrapped around the lower half of her face.

Huh, someone important then. MK concluded.

“Yaling, there is an emergency. Měi Hóu Wáng has requested you bring Xiang with you, he's sent a clone to guide you to his current location.” the demoness ordered.

The snake demon darted off after giving the LEM a short nod of affirmation.

“I've already summoned Xinyi to take her place.” The LEM told the other two guards.

The pair of monkey demons nodded and returned to their guarding stance. The LEM began to head back to the door.

She stopped near where he was hiding, her cold blue ears flicked at some unknown sound, she snapped her head around towards him. He held his breath.

Vibrant blue eyes rimmed with dark lavender scanned the shadows intently. MK stayed perfectly still. He had no idea what could have given him away, he certainly hadn't made any noise just floating in the shadows.

“Do you hear something?” One of the guards asked.

MK silently retreated deeper into the shadows. The other demon's ear flicked a second after the sound of something heavy falling and shrill, childish laughter, reached his. She glanced away, one ear angled in the direction of the sound, one pinned on him.

She sighed heavily and turned to the guards.

“My apologies, I believe my siblings have gotten into something, even though they're supposed to be watching Baba.” she muttered the last bit.

The guards smiled knowingly.

“Well then, we won't hold you up, you have some little monkeys to catch.” one said.

“Xinyi will be here shortly.” The LEM nodded to each and took off.

He heard her shouting, he didn't bother to pay attention to the words, and delighted shrieks coming from another part of the palace a few seconds later.

Best get to the roof and let the twins in. MK thought.

He popped out of the shadows on the roof of the throne room after a quick check that no one was around, then he opened a portal for the twins.

The pair of demons had the decency to look surprised at the speed he got them in. Their plan would've taken two hours at least.

“Told you my plan was better.” He sneered.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Monkie Kid.” Yin rolled his eyes.

“So how do we get it, now?” Jin asked.

MK grinned.

“There's an alarm seal that's triggered when the crown is removed from its barrier, but it goes all the way up, we just need to drop down, grab the thing and we're free to go.” He said.

“And by we I mean me, you two will trigger the seal because of your species.” He added.

“Oh no! Nuh uh! Not happening!” Yin objected.

“Why?”

“Do you actually think we're dumb enough to just let you grab the crown and ditch us here to take the blame?” Yin challenged.

“Honestly, I did not think either of you were that smart to begin with.” MK admitted.

Jin drew his sword threateningly. MK put his hands up.

“Oh calm down.” He rolled his eyes.

He grabbed the rope the brothers had brought for their plan with his tail and tied it around his waist, then handed the other end to Jin. The horned demon glanced between him and the rope in confusion.

“I'm going to make a portal, and I need you to pull me out once I grab the crown.” he instructed.

“Psht, I knew that.” Jin grumbled.

MK rolled his eyes as he opened a portal above the crown. He put his head through first to make sure neither of the guards were looking in his direction, the two monkey demons were silently performing their duty. The snake demon's replacement hadn't arrived yet, it was now or never.

“Don’t drop me.” He said before dropping into the portal.

He descended into the throne room in near perfect silence, the sounds of the palace staff going about their day provided just enough ambient noise cover. The crown was within reach without anyone noticing the theft in progress.

It was so easy, he just picked the crown up off the pedestal it had rested on all these years. He stared down at the crown in his hands, it was beautiful.

Yeah, there was no way he was sharing this with those idiot twins.

He tugged on the rope with his tail, stashing the crown away into his satchel. The brothers started slowly pulling him back up, he heard footsteps coming towards the door.

Shit! That's the replacement guard! He started climbing up the rope.

The throne room’s doors opened, and he must have been making too much noise because before the new guard even came in, one of the other guards had looked up.

Fuck!

Without a word, the guard threw their spear at him, he swung out of it's path, propelling himself through his portal.

The alarm seal went off, his ears flattened against his skull at the unexpected assault on his senses.

“Nice going, Monkie kid!” Yin snarled.

“I got the crown, let's go!” He shouted.

He shoved the demon a shove off the roof of the palace, opening a new portal as far as he could manage it. Since Jin was still holding onto the rope still tied around his waist, he dragged the other demon through. The portal spat them out at the entrance of the main bridge, on the capital side.

Unfortunately, a pair of LEMs happened to be on guard duty here. Luminous, petal shaped ears were angled towards the palace, luckily these two also only had one set. There were four eared LEMs like him in the Ironbull Kingdom, he'd just been lucky to have not run into them, or gods forbid, the Six Eared Macaque himself, yet.

The pair of macaque demons glanced at each other briefly, then pointed their spears at him and the twins. MK grinned awkwardly before being abruptly yanked away by the twins sprinting down the bridge. He could already hear the Crown Guard in hot pursuit, he opened a portal to the end of the bridge that they all jumped through.

The getaway chase was on.

Now he just had to figure out how to get away from the twins with the crown.

XXX

“Red Son! Let down your hair!”

Red Son jumped into action at the sound of Mother’s voice outside. He tossed the end of his hair out the window and looped it around the hook then he started pulling Mother up into the tower.

“Welcome home, Mother.” He greeted her once she was safely in the tower.

Mother cupped his face.

“Thank you, my dear. I have no idea how you manage something like that nearly every day.” Mother told him.

“It's no problem at all.” He said.

Mother smiled down at him, squeezing his cheeks lightly. She let go and set her basket down, Cōng immediately picked it up and took it to the kitchen as Mother went to the mirror. Red Son followed her.

Mother often ended up a little dirty from travel, she always checked her appearance once she came home, she didn't like trekking filth into the tower they worked so hard to keep clean.

It wouldn't do to let anything foreign into the little world he occupied. His tower was only so big, if something, or heavens forbid, someone, got inside were only so many places he could hide in, and his hair was a direct path to him. His hair, his powers, the cause of so much pain for his family, he lost count of the amount of times he burned Mei or Mother by accident. He'd probably start a raging wildfire if he ever went outside of his carefully crafted to be fireproof tower-

“Red Son, are you listening?” Mother snapped her fingers.

“Sorry, Mother, I got lost in thought.” He apologized.

“What have I said about the mumbling?” Mother prompted.

He winced.

“I'm sorry, Mother. I was lost in thought.” He repeated.

“Much better.” Mother smiled.

“Now come along, it's time for lunch.” She told him.

Mother walked towards the kitchen, he found his gaze drawn towards the still open window, the blue sky, the valley his tower was in, the world that waited for him.

“Red Son.” Mother called.

He looked away from the window, following her into the kitchen. He avoided Mother's questioning gaze, he had tried so hard to ignore the feeling that had been slowly growing, the aching longing in his chest to see something new, to walk outside on his own two feet, but it just wouldn't leave him! Even after he tried to put the energy into the lantern, it only made him feel worse.

It has to be today. I have to ask today.

He, Mother and Mei had a pleasant lunch together, the entire time he was trying to act like he didn't have a question burning inside of him. From the looks Mei was giving him, he wasn't doing a very good job.

“What's on your mind, my child?” Mother finally asked him.

This is it!

“Mother, as you know, tomorrow is my birthday-”

“It is?” Mother raised an eyebrow.

He stared at her in disbelief, she cracked a small smile.

“I'm just teasing dear, you know I could never forget your birthday.” she said.

He winced at her not so subtle reference to what had transpired on his birthday so many years ago. He glanced at Mei, she gave him a helpful nudge to keep going.

“So… my birthday is tomorrow… and I was wondering… for my birthday… could we go see the floating lights… in person…” he mumbled out.

“You want… to leave?” Mother said aghast.

“I know what you've said before, but-”

“No.” Mother said coldly.

“I'm older now, Mother! I'm turning eighteen-”

“Eighteen is hardly an adult for a demon. You're just a child.” Mother objected.

“I can handle myself-”

“I said, no.”

“But Mother please-”

“No!” The temperature plummeted.

Red Son flinched away from his mother's anger, he had forgotten how cold the tower could get when she was upset.

“You have no idea just how dangerous the outside world is, demons and humans alike are dangerous, nasty creatures to deal with, it is a cruel world where the strong abuse the weak and use whatever they have at their disposal to do so.” Mother hissed.

“You have so much power, my child, they will be drawn to you, seeking to steal you away and use your power for their sleeves just like when you were a baby! You can't possibly fight them all off at once! I couldn't and she died because of it!”

Mother collapsed back into her chair, rubbing her temples to soothe the likely oncoming headache she would suffer. She always suffered migraines when her powers lost control. Red Son quietly cleaned up from lunch, Cōng quietly offered to lead Mother to her room, she refused.

It was a foolish idea in the first place. I would never make it out there. He told himself.

The little bit of the world he saw out his window wasn't representative of anything, with his mother's magic it was highly likely that nothing foreign was allowed to enter the valley. There was little chance of anyone stumbling into her domain that would allow him the chance to prove himself, maybe, he could ask again when he was older.

He made his way back Mother. Mei was cuddled on her lap, purring like a cat as Mother ran a hand through her back fur. He knelt beside Mother's chair.

“I'm sorry Mother, I didn't mean to upset you.” He said.

A thin, boney hand rested on his head, her touch was light, ready to pull away at any second.

“Don't ask to leave.” She said.

“Yes Mother.” He nodded.

Mother handed Mei off to him and rose from her chair.

“Now, I must go, I have to gather ingredients for dinner.” she said.

Mother often left after they had a disagreement so they could both calm down. She usually came back with a treat or surprise to help smooth things over.

“Of course, Mother.”

“You know how much I hate to leave you after a fight.” she sighed, cupping his face in her cool hands.

“I know.” He said.

Mother smiled, it didn't reach her eyes, and kissed his forehead.

“I'll be back soon.”

“I'll be here.”

Mother patted his hair.

“I love you, my flower.” she said warmly.

“I love you too.” He said.

“I love you most.”

Mother and Cōng collected what they needed to be safe on their travels, he lowered them to the ground, watching as they left the valley, and him, behind. He unhooked his hair from the hook, letting it flow in the cool breeze, he rested his head on his hands, staring out at the world he couldn't be a part of.

[diaryujin]

𝐀 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓, 𝐀 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃

summary: being part of a gang that murders isn't as badass and cool as those silly romance novels make it out to be. it involves questions, regrets and tough decisions, including ones related to your ex, jay.

genre: angst

includes: exes to (not so) lovers, inaccurate gang life pls bear with me i don't do illegal shit *sob*, murder, death, blood, curse words, guns, jay is mentioned as a nepo baby, mentions of (g)i-dle minnie and soyeon and le sserafim chaewon, quite some flashbacks, not that good ngl, not proofread, lmk if i missed anything

pairing: ex! gang member! jay x ex! gang member! fem! reader

word count: 2.7k

a/n: i apologize for 1. not updating 'diary entries filled with her' i've been busy writing this and i've been too drained to upload those :( i'll start with them again tomorrow and 2. if this isn't all that good idk why i wasted time writing this but oh well

“Y/N, your target is agent JJXNG. He’s an assassin like you who’s part of the team trying to track us down.” You focused on Minnie in front of you, the leader of the gang you were a part of. You were her most trusted assassin and the one she assigned the most difficult targets to. Sometimes, you didn’t understand what kept you in this job, but all your doubts would clear whenever you saw the stacks of cash as your monthly salary.

“JJXNG. How long has he been with the squad?”

“Two years. He’s a formidable force though — sneaky rat. He slips out from right under our noses.” “I see. Any specific date I should get him dead by?” “As soon as possible, honestly. I’ll tell Chaewon to set up a lead in one of our usual alleys.”

“What about alley 96?”

“Perfect. See, this is why I love you so much.”

She patted your shoulder, grinning a little. You chuckled, but it was weak. Seeing that, her face wore a look of concern.

“Are you okay with doing this though? I know you’re going through that break up…”

You shook your head.

“I’ll be fine. Can’t let emotions get in the way, right? Anyway, it’s not like this involves him.”

“I understand if not though. I’ll just ask Soyeon.”

“Seriously, I’ll do it.”

She tilted her head questioningly, and you nodded. She sighed before letting go of your shoulder.

“Alright then, I’ll call you once Chae is done. Take care of yourself until then, hm?”

“I will. Take care, Minnie.”

She smiled, and you reciprocated the gesture.

Upon reaching your apartment, you went into your room, looking for a change of clothes. Hands moving through your wardrobe, you froze as they landed on a certain hoodie.

Jay’s.

You must’ve mistaken it as one of your own when you were returning all his stuff. You ran your hands slowly over the fabric which was surprisingly still somewhat warm. He bought it in the USA, and it was rather expensive. You often stole it from him to the point where he just gave up and gifted it to you.

Unfolding it, you had an internal debate over whether you should wear it. In the end, you took off the clothes you were wearing and wore the hoodie and a pair of comfortable leggings. Why leave it to collect dust?

Soon, you were on your bed, lazing around as you scrolled on your Instagram feed. Your eyes were looking at posts, stories, and reels, but your brain processed nothing. 

Jay.

Homemade cooking.

As if on cue, your stomach grumbled.

You buried your face in your mattress, groaning. Hell, you missed the taste of his food, but worse — you missed him.

You were yet to reach the acceptance bit of the five stages of grief, and it was hindering all your thoughts. Looking back at your phone, you closed Instagram and opened your gallery.

A major part of getting over someone was deleting the more intimate pictures with and of them.

Fuck it, you didn’t.

How could you, when the man was way too fine to be real?

You were holding on to slivers of what you used to have, and you knew it was unhealthy, but who were you to care?

Scrolling through all the pictures, different memories played in your mind by a broken record. Smiley, hot, cute, straight from hell, meme-worthy, sculpted by Michelangelo, jawline sharp enough to cut through a watermelon, goofy, with a guitar — your photo album of him had all genres of Park Jongseong, even his darkest and deepest ones.

If everything was so perfect, what went wrong?

You reflected on your three-year relationship with him. Arguments were few and far between the two of you. You spent a lot of time with him, he spoiled you a lot (even though you told him not to), he treated you like a princess, and you reciprocated it as much as you could. Even with all your missions with the gang, everyone would call you both the perfect couple.

Your parents adored him — he was their ideal son-in-law — and you couldn’t help but smile as you remembered the shy look on his face as they explicitly told him that. His parents were friendly with you. Sure, they were a bit awkward and haughty, but you had seen worse.

All this got you wondering…

Where in the middle of this dreamy paradise did the devil find his home?

He wouldn’t have cheated. He was too good-hearted for that…or at least you hoped.

You did a little digging after you both ended things, but (un)fortunately you had no evidence to support your claim, and couldn’t have any justified hard feelings towards him.

You had the events of that day burned in your memory — the day when the safe little bubble you lived in burst.

He was at your place, and you both were watching a movie together. Usually, you’d be cuddling with him, but that day, it was like he was doing his best not to let even an inch of his skin come in contact with yours. It hurt your feelings, sure, but you just brushed it off as him being on his man period.

A scene appeared on the screen where the main character and her love interest were having a cheesy date, and you turned to look at Jay, expecting a comment about how your relationship with him was better or a lovesick smile, or his lips puckering out in an awkwardly endearing manner, or- or- anything other than a blank stare and a frown. He noticed your gaze and his jaw tensed.

“Y/N…this-this- you and I…”

He took a deep breath.

“I can’t do us anymore.”

Your eyes widened, and your mouth opened and closed like a fish. Your hand reached for his instinctively, but he drew it back, showing that he wasn’t joking. 

“But- why? What’s-What’s going wrong? It’s nothing we…we can’t fix, you know- I’m sorry if I did anything, I’ll-I’ll change my ways, just please don’t-”

“It’s not your fault, okay? I just- my work is getting more time-consuming nowadays, and I don’t want to end up neglecting you in the process, Y/N. You deserve someone better.”

“I don’t need anyone else, Jay! You’re more than enough, you’re my everything! I don’t care if you have to spend less time with me, I understand and I’ll manage-”

“No Y/N, trust me. Plus…”

He looked away nervously, eyes staring at the paused screen as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

“Plus…?” “My parents disapprove.”

Silence.

“Oh.”

You couldn’t say anything against that. You knew how much Jay loved his parents, and you would never want to come between them.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I wish it wasn’t like this.”

“That’s okay. I know- how they mean the world to you.”

“I’m not saying you don’t, but-”

“It’s fine, really.”

He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, Y/N. I’ll never forget you. I just can’t.”

“You too, Jay. Good luck with your work.”

And just like that, he left.

A month ago.

You wanted to scream. This was like the millionth time that you thought about that day.

You seriously had to get something better to do in your life. 

Suddenly, a call came on your phone. You looked at the ID, and as you expected, it was Minnie.

“Y/N? Hello.”

“Hey, Minnie. Something up?”

“They took the bait literally an hour after Chaewon set it up.”

There was a snicker of amusement from her end, and you grinned a little to yourself as well over how stupid the squad was.

“Damn, they’re confident.”

“I know! They didn’t even wait!”

“It’s dumb.”

“Mhm. Anyway, those bitches set up the meeting date as fuckin’ tomorrow. Wild, no?”

“Seriously? So soon? Kinda feeling bad for JJXNG, the poor guy most likely isn’t even prepared.”

“Fools, really. Deserved. You’re up for it, right?”

“Of course. Time?”

“11 p.m.”

“Alright, I’ll see you at the base at 10:30 p.m. tomorrow. That good?”

“That’s perfect. Alley 20, by the way.”

The alley was quiet, the streetlights providing just enough luminescence for you to notice the outline of a man slowly approaching you. You gripped the pistol in your hand tighter, setting your arm to the side so that the guy wouldn’t notice.

The soft but heavy sound of his footsteps was slightly muffled by the drizzle that left you a bit soaked. Drops of water trailed from your hair to your face, and you wiped them off with your free hand.

The man was now close enough to you. He wore a mask just like you did, but his was black with ‘JJXNG’ written on it in bold, red letters.

This guy was bloody stupid.

There was something familiar in his gaze, but you brushed it off as deja vu. He seemed to be sizing you up, so you did the same. You noticed that he had a gun too, so you moved yours further behind your back. Looking into his eyes, you saw that there was a bit of confusion swirling in them.

“Agent JJXNG? Hard to pronounce.”

You chuckled dryly, but his eyes widened.

“You’re…ENZ? Wait, but-”

Why…why was his voice so familiar? The guy had the same tone as…as someone who had been a vital part of your life until a month ago, and then became a permanent resident in your head.

“Y/N?”

You froze.

“How- How the fuck do you-”

The same surprise. The same shock. The same concern.

“Jongseong…?”

He lowered his mask at you saying his name, and you could see how his mouth was agape with shock. You did the same, although your lips were pursed together in a thin line. 

“I didn’t expect to be seeing you so soon.”

His hands fidgeted with his pistol, and you realized.

You were tasked to kill him.

He stood still for a moment, seemingly going through the same dilemma.

“So, Jongseong, this is the work that’s been so time-consuming, hm? Did your parents approve of this?”

He gritted his teeth, remembering how he said those things as a reason for breaking up with you.

“Look, Y/N-”

“I’m not about to get together with you right now.”

“I’m not that desperate.”

That hurt, and you had no idea why.

“Do you promise to never keep secrets from me, Jay?”

You held out your pinkie suddenly, catching him off guard. The poor boy was just trying to cook.

“All of a sudden?”

He chuckled, before instantly locking pinkies with you.

“I promise, only if you do the same, love.”

You smiled at him, before placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.

You shook your head, not wanting to remember unfulfilled promises right now. Suddenly, your eyes focused on the gun pointed directly at your forehead and you winced, mentally slapping yourself for losing focus.

“Didn’t think I’d be doing this ever in my life, but here we are.”

His tone was cold yet cocky, which was annoying as hell. You reciprocated the gesture calmly, and he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Fuck. Should’ve seen that coming.”

He was in a pissy mood. You were in a pissy mood.

An irritated Jay plus an irritated you equaled disaster, which was why you usually avoided each other when both of you were emotionally heightened.

Unfortunately, circumstances didn’t allow that. You were at his house already mad, and you wanted to be with him to blow some steam off. He got some news from work that seriously angered him by the time you were there.

It started with you forgetting to wash the dishes once and ended up with the both of you having a screaming match in the living room. He complained that ‘you never cared about his feelings’ and you retorted by saying ‘he had extremely high standards’.

That was your first major argument, and it ended so badly that you didn’t contact each other for a week.

Why were you having all these flashbacks? You weren’t some anime protagonist. 

“Is this a race of who kills who first?”

“It’s always like that. I thought you had two years of experience under your Prada belt? Or are your targets handed to you on a silver platter as well?”

He scoffed at your remark. He never liked to be reminded that he was a nepo baby. He was always extremely humble and sweet, even if he occasionally didn’t understand seemingly normal things due to his upbringing.

But fuck it, to hell with him and his kindness.

“It just feels weird, since I’m killing you.”

Your grip on your pistol loosened.

“...yeah.”

His eyes were now filled with remorse as they softened.

“Frankly speaking, I don’t-don’t really know how I’ll go on- move on from this.”

He cared.

He still cared.

A week after that big fight, you had someone at your door — Jay.

When you saw him at your doorstep, all of your favorite snacks cooked by him in one hand and a necklace box in another, you didn’t know how to react.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that.”

He genuinely looked like he was going to burst into tears. You hugged him tight, and he buried his head in your shoulder, sniffling a little.

“I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”

“I thought I lost you, love. Please- don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, Jay. I never will.”

The rest of the day was spent with you both cuddling, eating, and (re)watching your favorite movies amongst many kisses.

And that’s how you both made up after every fight.

You struggled to come to terms with the fact that the same guy you used to watch Lady and the Tramp with was now pointing a gun at your forehead.

In his defense, you were doing the same thing.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I’ll count to three, and we pull the trigger at the same time when I reach 0.”

You didn’t know how to feel about that suggestion — it made too many things real.

You were going to die.

He was going to die.

You’d be the reason he died.

He’d be the reason you died.

You didn’t want to continue living after this. You didn't want to live holding the huge guilt of having murdered the sweetest guy on the planet. At this point, you were struggling to hold back tears.

“Sure.”

You steadied your arm, and he copied your action.

“3…”

The first day you both met.

“2…”

The day he asked you to be his girlfriend.

“1…”

Life while dating him.

“0.”

The day you both broke up.

The loud bang of your gunshot echoed throughout the alley, the rain accentuating it. The sound overpowered the clang of his gun falling to the ground, and his soft words.

“Y/N…I can’t. I can’t kill you. I still love yo-”

You opened your eyes and froze.

How did you just do that?

He should’ve killed you, you were dea-

Your eyes fell upon Jay’s body in front of you.

There was a hole in his forehead, and blood was trickling out of it. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head, and you could only see the whites. There he lay, limp and lifeless.

And it was all your fault.

Then it hit you.

He didn’t shoot. 

He broke yet another promise.

You kneeled in front of him, letting yourself cry. You cradled him close just like how you used to whenever he had a bad day and you would comfort him.

“Jay…Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Why-Why didn’t you shoot?! Bastard, how do you want me to live now that you’re gone! You piece of- of absolute shit! I loved you, I love you and I will- simply continue to love you, and-and it’s going to hurt ‘cause you’re not here, damn it!”

You held him close, your salty tears mixing with his blood.

You couldn’t do it.

You couldn’t continue life knowing you were the reason he died.

You remained in that position, Jay’s body in your arms. Your warm hand gripped his cold one. It was weird how it still gave you comfort.

Your eyes darted around, before focusing on his gun in the pool of blood. You took it, deciding to finish his mission for him, not minding the red liquid staining your hand.

His gun was now on the side of your head.

“I love you, Park Jongseong.”

Another loud bang echoed in the alleyway.

[lassofics]

Air Jordans

Word count: 923

Timeline: Season 1

Warnings: None

Summary: Keeley teams up with Colin for a product promotional video, but Colin is hilariously awkward on camera.

“Aw, Colin! You look stunning!” Keeley exclaims excitedly, bounding up to him with a wide grin.

Colin, dressed in his kit, just offers her a hesitant smile. “I’m… literally just wearing my kit.”

Keeley lets out a laugh. “No, I’m talking about your eyes. Is that… mascara?”

Colin just groans, knowing full well what the makeup artist had done. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Keeley grins, then just makes her way over to the camera. “Right. Well, you know your lines, yeah? You know how you’re going to say them?”

Colin looks up at the camera and suddenly feels a slight flutter in his stomach. It’s so stupid to him — he can perform in a football stadium filled with 50,000 people, but the second he steps in front of a camera, he starts to sweat more than he’d sweat in a ninety minute football match.

Keeley, always perceptive seems to sense this and offers Colin a soft smile. “Take a breath.”

Colin internally curses himself, realizing how fucking stupid he probably looks. Quickly trying to salvage his image, he somewhat exasperatedly replies, “I’m fine.”

Keeley, used to this kind of attitude from the boys, doesn’t let her smile falter. Instead, she just gets ready to press the record button.

“Right, then. From the top.” She grins, then presses the record button, causing Colin’s heart to leap into his throat.

“And… action!”

As soon as Keeley utters the word “action,” Colin immediately — and embarrassingly — forgets the entire script. His eyes go wide for a split second before he decides to just improvise. After all, this is only the first take.

“Hey,” he says, trying to channel some natural swagger by picturing Jamie Tartt. “It’s Colin. Got these new, uhh… Air Jordans.”

He kicks his foot up to demonstrate. “Whether I’m on or off the pitch, they make my feet feel, like, really good. Feels like I’m getting a foot massage every time I take a step, innit?”

Keeley tries her absolute hardest not to cringe, but after the mention of a foot massage, she just lets out a little noise of discontentment and stops the recording. Colin’s cocky grin, meant to emulate Jamie’s, fades immediately.

“So, uh…” Keeley bites her lower lip with an awkward smile. “Good start, but… try and stick to the script, yeah?”

Colin lets out a quiet groan, one that only he can hear, then nods. “My bad. I blanked.”

“That’s all right!” Keeley’s voice is sweet and encouraging, as usual. She flashes Colin another small grin. “Do you need to review it?”

Colin quickly shakes his head. “No, no…” He holds up a hand. “I’ve got it. I swear.”

“All right.” Trying to take some pressure off, Keeley decides not to call “action!” this time. Instead, she just presses the button to start recording. “Whenever you’re ready, Colin.”

This definitely helps. Colin runs a hand through his hair, then flashes the camera that same cocky grin.

“On the pitch, every move counts,” he starts, sounding much more confident this time. “But it’s not just about what you do on the field — it’s about how you walk off it, too.”

He grins, gesturing down to his shoe. “Air Jordans are built for performance, but designed for that off-duty look, too.”

Keeley, watching from behind the camera, grins and flashes him a thumbs up, nodding for him to continue. But the moment Colin shifts his gaze from the camera to her and back again, his mind goes black.

Quickly, he tries to save it. “They feel bloody great, and… and look at the design, too. Makes you look rich.”

Seeing Keeley’s face change, Colin quickly holds up a hand. “But… not in a… spoiled, rich boy sort of way.”

Keeley lets out a soft sigh and stops the recording. “Aw, you were doing so well! What happened?”

Colin, now embarrassed for the third time within five minutes, just groans and drops the act. “I don’t know! I blanked again!”

“Well, that’s still okay,” Keeley says gently, still trying to reassure him. “We can cut the video into different segments. That first part was perfect!”

Colin lets out a sharp exhale. He isn’t sure why this isn’t coming naturally to him. He wonders if any of the other lads have had this much trouble making promotional videos before.

Keeley offers him another soft smile. “Oi. You’ve got this. Just… be you, yeah?”

Colin nods, watching as Keeley hits the record button once more. He takes a breath, then launches right back into it.

"Whether I’m training hard, or just keeping it chill, they’ve got me covered. Comfort, support, and that iconic style. It’s all in the details."

He grins again, more naturally this time. “‘Cause it’s not just about the game, but how you own the moment. Air Jordans — step into greatness.”

Keeley lets out a little squeal as she stops the camera. “Oh my god, Colin! That was perfect!”

Colin, feeling genuinely proud of himself, just smiles even wider. “Thanks. Felt pretty good about that one.”

Keeley just giggles. “You should! You should be proud of yourself!”

The way she’s being so sincere and genuine actually warms Colin’s heart a bit. He feels like she could actually be a really good friend if he got to know her.

Plus, the way she’s openly queer makes him feel some sort of connection to her, but that’s a topic for another day.

“I am,” he finally responds, a gentler smile coming across his face. “I really am.”

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 19 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

We won our last away game, our first win of the season and while all the guys on the team were happy about that, I was happier about being able to go back home.

We didn't get back to campus until late Saturday night.

I was exhausted from travel, yet still too wired to fall asleep.

Kyle came back into the room around two in the morning and I was still lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Kyle left the light off as he moved through the room, assuming I was asleep.

"You can turn the light on," I said, glancing over at him.

"Oh, you're awake."

The light turned on and I squinted at Kyle as my eyes adjusted.

"Yeah," I said, groaning as I stretched out.

"Can't sleep."

"Well, at least you have all day tomorrow to just chill out," he said, moving toward his closet to change.

I looked away from him, staring back at the ceiling.

"Unless... you're going to Stella's tomorrow right?"

I looked over at him now that he was dressed.

"I was planning on it."

With the hope of Wren being there.

I didn't know when I started hoping to see Wren.

Whenever it changed from hoping to avoid him to hoping to see him was lost on me.

I wasn't going to think too much about it.

"I would go but I have other plans," Kyle said.

"And I was just hanging out with her today."

"At her place?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"With Jess and... Wren? And James."

"Just Stella, Jess and James," he replied.

"James said Wren was watching porn or something."

"He's just always working on his computer," I said and mentally cursed at myself.

I shouldn't care about what Wren was doing and I definitely shouldn't be explaining his actions to my roommate so he wouldn't think he was some weird porn addict.

Kyle just shrugged and turn the light off, using his cell-phone light to guide him over to his bed before climbing in.

It wasn't until around four in the morning that I actually fell asleep and it wasn't for long.

I was awake by eight, my internal clock deciding for me that I couldn't sleep in.

I quietly got out of bed and got changed for my run, seeing the running pants Wren had let me borrow as I rummaged through my drawer.

I should've returned those to him by now.

After getting changed, I left the dorm and started on my running route.

My mind was everywhere as I went through campus.

There were very few people out at this time, most of the student body probably having been out all night the night before.

I hadn't even remembered to bring my head-phones but that didn't bother me like I thought it would.

Listening to the birds chirping, the water running, the wind blowing the leaves around, it was peaceful.

I was almost at the coffee shop when I saw a familiar face running my way.

I slowed down to a stop, meeting him in the middle.

It surprised me that he even stopped, taking both his air- pods out of his ears.

"Hi," I greeted breathlessly.

"Hi," Wren replied with a grin.

"Did you miss me?"

I rolled my eyes.

"You wish."

"It seems like you did," Wren said.

"You're making that up."

Wren shrugged.

"Maybe I am."

It was hard trying to deny my attraction to him anymore.

He looked good, he always did.

Especially in this state where he was slightly breathless and sweaty, putting all sorts of images in my head.

Wren looked me up and down and it didn't even cause me to want to shrivel up and hide.

I wanted him to look at me.

I wanted to know that I wasn't the only one with this attraction.

He was a lot less shy about it, didn't care what I thought about him.

"Are you running to get a coffee?" I asked.

"We could... go there together or something. If you want."

I could practically feel the color rise on my cheeks and by the smug look on his face, I could tell Wren saw it too.

"I would love to and you know I would," Wren started.

"But I have to get going, I'm afraid. I'm very busy today."

"Oh."

"Yes. So I'll have to give you a rain check on that date."

I frowned at him.

"I wasn't asking you on a date. I was just saying..."

"I know what you were saying," he cut me off.

"You're cute when you're all pouty. I'll see you around," and with that, he was gone before I had time to even formulate a response.

I was not pouting, although, I did have to actively force myself to keep from frowning as I finished my run and headed into the coffee shop.

I didn't care if Wren didn't have time to come with me, I didn't.

Knowing him, he was probably just messing with me because I asked but I didn't care.

I could get coffee and sit in our usual spot without him.

Anthony was at the counter as usual when I walked in.

"Wren's not in yet," Anthony said as I walked up.

"Oh... um... yeah," I awkwardly replied.

"He's not coming, today."

"Oh," Anthony said, squinting in confusion.

"Okay. Do you want your usual?"

I nodded and gave Anthony my card to pay.

He tried it a couple times then looked up at me.

"It's declining," he said in a quiet voice.

"Oh shit," I said, digging into my pockets to find some cash.

Of course, I had none.

"Never mind then."

I turned to walk away just as Anthony called out to me.

"Don't worry about it. It's on me," he said sending the order through. The action made me uncomfortable.

I didn't want to be handed anything, especially not after my card embarrassingly declined over a four dollar cup of coffee.

"Nah, I'm all set," my voice was tight, as I tried not to snap at Anthony.

"Too late. I already put it through," he said with a grin.

I glared at him.

"Oh no, you're an angry customer because last time we fucked up your coffee. Here's one on the house to make up for it."

"I don't want anything for free," I said through gritted teeth.

"Then I'll just charge Wren for it next time he's in," Anthony said with a shrug.

"He deserves it for being so goddamn annoying."

I cringed at that and before I knew it, my name was being called out for my drink.

Anthony gestured toward the drink and I grabbed it, grumbling a 'thanks' before heading over to my usual table.

This time I sat in the seat that Wren usually occupied.

While the seat I usually sat in had my back to the rest of the coffee shop, Wren's seat had a view of the whole thing.

I wondered if he did that on purpose and sat here just analyzing everyone that walked in.

Maybe that was what he was obsessively working on on his computer every time he was in here, running notes on everyone he saw.

I sipped on my coffee while texting with Micah about hockey and school.

It went like most of our conversations which was just him obviously checking in on me but acting like that wasn't what he was doing and then saying he wished I called him more like he was my grandmother or something.

I appreciated Micah and everything he has done for me but he sometimes acted like more of a parent to me than anything.

To: Landon Reilly [Are you going to be at Stella's tonight?] From: Wren Ridley

To: Wren Ridley [I was thinking about it why] From: Landon Reilly

He didn't answer for a few minutes and I began to lose hope that he would.

Then as I finished my coffee, he replied.

To: Wren Ridley [Does it matter] From: Landon Reilly

To: Landon Reilly [I suppose not.] From: Wren Ridley

I wasn't going to ask him if he was going to be there.

He would have too much fun with that, with knowing that I wanted him there, that I wanted to see him.

That was the thing with Wren, if you amused him in anyway, he would take it and run with it.

He probably already knew anyway.

So, instead of answering Wren, I got up and threw out my cup, waving goodbye to Anthony as I left the coffee shop and walked back to campus to go to the fitness center.

I spent a couple of hours in there lifting weights and other exercises.

Once I was done in there, I went back to the dorm to shower and work on homework while I waited to go over to Stella's.

Stella messaged me the time she was having people over, so at around eight, I left my dorm and took the bus toward Brown University.

I got off at the campus and walked toward the dorm building, having to wait outside for a few minutes to go in behind somebody else when they unlocked the door.

I somehow remembered exactly where to go despite not having been there many times.

I slowly walked up the stairs, suddenly feeling anxious about the whole thing.

Anxious about being around people I didn't really consider friends, around people I didn't know... seeing Jess... seeing Wren.

I could have just turned around and gone back to campus.

No one there would even care if I actually showed up.

I could just leave, tell Stella something came up if she asked about it.

It's not like I'd be missed if I didn't show.

No one was relying on me to be there and if I didn't want to go I didn't have to but my feet continued carrying me up the steps, passing by other students who were on their way down looking like they were already drunk.

[kingkunigami]

Mutual Masturbation | Kunigami Rensuke x Reader

𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 - 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

Kinktober masterlist.

Summary: Kunigami’s coach never allowed any sex before important match days and your boyfriend was always a stickler for the rules, no matter how stressed out it made him. But this time you’ve devised a workaround. 

Pairing: Kunigami Rensuke x f!reader.

Warnings: 18+, pwp, not proofread!, mutual masturbation, praise, fingering, hand jobs, cumshots.

Word Count: 3.1k.

You loved Kunigami and supported him through his dream of becoming one of the greatest players in the world, watching him in his journey from Blue Lock as he began to follow in the footsteps of his favourite players, reaching the big leagues. But— you absolutely hated his coach, the man was supposedly an expert in his field, but he was also doing everything in his power to keep your boyfriend away from you.

It wasn’t enough that you’d been with Kunigami longer than he’d been in the big leagues, longer than he’d been with this team.

You were nothing but a distraction.

But a distraction was exactly what Kunigami needed right now. His body aching from the intense training regime, as he barely made it out of the shower and onto the couch beside you. Already moving to give you the same speech he always did whenever you’d straddle his hips and press kisses against his pulse point.

“Coach said no sex before big games, you know that—” it was always the same story, the same excuse. His coach believed it made his players perform to a higher standard, and that having sex would sap their testosterone and athletic ability. But you knew better— you knew that you were doing him, and his teammates a favour.

You despised whoever invented this spurious old wives tale, convinced that the coach was jealous of his players and their healthy sex lives that he was making it his mission to have each of them as touch starved as he probably was. If it was such a great idea, Raichi probably wouldn’t end up with a red card at the end of each game. Or maybe he would, but sex would certainly help.

You just missed your boyfriend’s touch, and having to wake up to his morning wood pressed snug against your ass each morning without him doing anything about it was going to become your undoing. You needed a fix, and you were going to get it.

“Careful.” Kunigami groaned as he felt your teeth nip the sensitive skin on his neck, your fingers trailing through the hair on his undercut as you pressed your chest against his, “You know we can’t.”

“You know we don’t have to have sex,” You hummed as you mimicked his words. Shifting on his lap as you felt the tent beneath his sweats nudge your scorched slit, almost certain he could feel the heat radiating through the fabric, “There are other things we can do.”

Your lips hovered over his as you felt his warm breath fan your face. His chestnut eyes gazed into yours lowly as he fought the urge to lean forward and make your lips meet, knowing that the moment they did his willpower would be near non-existent as he moved to bend you over the nearest available surface.

“Like what?” Kunigami replied with intrigue, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Let me show you,” You smiled, pecking his lips as he pulled back.

“Yeah?” He hummed breathlessly, his head settled against the back of the couch as his fingers dipped into the plush curve of your hips, dangerously close to the swell of your ass. As though he was fighting himself internally to tug you forward and press you down on his lap hard, “But coach said-”

“I know, I know. Coach said no sex,” You felt the corners of your lips curling into a sly smile, “I won’t even touch you, Ren. I promise.”

Your boyfriend gave you a look as though he didn’t quite believe you, watching through half-lidded eyes as you slipped from his lap to sit on one side of the couch. Shamelessly splaying your thighs apart as the oversized shirt you were wearing bunched around your hips. One of your feet was positioned on the floor, the other near the back of the couch as you gave him the perfect view of the lacy panties you were wearing beneath. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t worn these in an attempt to entice your boyfriend to break the cardinal rule, and from the drunken haze in his gaze, you could’ve fooled yourself into thinking it had worked. His eyes fixed on the apex of your thighs as you watched his hips shift against the plush seat, spreading his thighs to try and give his throbbing cock some much-needed relief.

“If we’re not going to have sex, then what are we doing, sweetheart?” He groaned as you answered by sliding two fingers along your clothed crotch, the noise that slipped from your lips at the friction akin to that of pure angels as he felt a deep groan rumble in his chest, “Fuck.”

“I told you, baby.” You hummed softly, pressing down against your neglected clit through the thin layer of fabric, “You’re not gonna touch me- we’re just going to help each other out.”

Kunigami didn’t respond as his eyes remained fixed on the hand between your thighs, watching as you continued to tease yourself. The sheer fabric darkening was an indication of how wet you were already, and you’d barely even touched yourself. Wondering whether it was the thought of him alone that left you like this, hungry and salacious.

“You’ve been so stressed lately,” You continued, moving your thumbs to slip into the hem of your panties as you began to languidly drag them down your hips, “You almost knocked Raichi out on the field last week-”

“Fuck— Don’t mention his name now,” Kunigami groaned as he watched strings of your slick connecting your folds to your soaked panties begin to break in silvery wisps against your inner thighs, “I’ll go soft.”

“Bet you won’t,” You teased back, “Admit it, you need this just as much as me.”

You let your panties dangle on your ankle as you raised your leg up towards your boyfriend teasingly, before dropping them onto his lap with a smile. Kunigami’s fingers instantly weaved into the fabric as he thumbed the wet patch against the crotch. Watching as his nostrils flared at the sensation of just how wet and warm you were, remembering exactly how it felt to slide his thick cock inside your slick heat.

“Come on, Ren.” You practically purred as you parted your messy folds with two fingers so he could see how eager you were, “I need you so bad.”

A choked moan left his lips at the desperate sound of your voice as his hips jerked sloppily, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed thickly. Your lacy panties balled in one of his fists as he shrugged his sweats and boxers down just enough to free his aching cock. You could’ve almost moaned at the sight of him, trying to remember the last time you’d seen him like this besides watching him get changed in the morning while you shamelessly ogled him from your bed. Trying to coax him back as you’d watch his soft cock harden at the mere thought before he’d give you the same excuse, “coach said no sex until the championship game” before leaving you unsatiated.

“God, I’ve missed him.” You tease, feeling your cunt throb as you took in the sight of his flushed tip, all pink and swollen as you watched pre drool from his slit down his length. Remembering the sensation of him filling you to the brim as he’d plunge inside your silky depths, the pleasurable ache of him stretching you into the shape of him.

“He misses you too,” Kunigami smirked as he held himself at the base, licking your lips as you found yourself leaning forward to swipe your finger against the drooling tip of his cock. 

“Uh-uh,” Kunigami was quick to catch your wrist in a large palm, stopping you from reaching out to touch him, “You said no touching.”

“Just wanna taste,” You whimpered, “Please?”

“So needy.” Kunigami scoffed, as though he didn’t feel the exact same as you. The scent of your arousal was intoxicating as he held back every ounce of restraint to stop himself from diving headfirst into your messy cunt, remembering the taste of you on his tongue as he instinctively licked his lips. His thumb swiped over the leaking tip of his cock as he gathered his pre against the calloused skin, moving his hand towards you as an offering you eagerly accepted, greedily sucking his thumb between your pouty lips as you felt the heady taste of him on your tongue. A low whine vibrated around his digit as you began to suck on it desperately, your cheeks hollowing as your tongue swirled around the tip.

“Fuck,” Kunigami choked as his cock bobbed against his abdomen, his balls heavy and full of cum as he wished he could give you more. Picturing emptying himself into your pliant mouth as a palm wrapped around your neck to feel you swallow, the taste of him heavy on your tongue as you milked him for all he was worth.

“Thought you said no touching, sweetheart.” He hummed as he pulled his thumb from your lips, dragging the bottom one down before letting it flick back into place. Leaning forward as you watched him move the same hand to wrap around his heavy cock, squeezing softly as he groaned.

“We could,” You replied coyly, “Touching still isn’t sex.”

“And I know you have no restraint,” He smiled, “You little minx.”

“I do,” You whined back with a pout, you absolutely didn’t. The last time there was an important game coming up, you’d managed to get Kunigami benched after the coach had caught you in the locker rooms, uncaring that he was his best striker.

“You don’t.” He scoffed, “Can’t even follow basic rules.”

“It’s a stupid rule,” You retorted stubbornly, letting your fingers drag through your slick as you circled your thighs entrance, “Leave your girlfriend unsatisfied so you play better on the field.”

“Rules are rules.” Kunigami continued, his hand languidly stroking his cock as his eyes focused on the way your fingers moved against you, “So we better follow them. Especially after what happened last time.”

“But you wish you were the one playing with my pussy right now, don’t you?” You cooed, sliding your slick-coated fingers up to your clit as you pressed against the sensitive nub softly. The sensation pulled a soft whine from your lips as you tried to touch yourself how Kunigami would, precise and constant as he knew your body better than your own.

“Oh, I do.” He groaned, his thumb swiping at the fresh pre oozing from his head as he smoothed it down the length of his cock, “But unlike you, I know how to follow the rules.”

“You love it really,” You hummed, your cunt clenching at the darkened look in his eyes as he shamelessly roamed your body, “Stupid rules are made to be broken.”

“I love it when you behave,” He corrected you, pulling a needy moan from you at his tone. Your fingers prodding your tight entrance as you tried to imagine it was him instead, stretching yourself out around your digits.

“I am behaving.” You pouted.

“Are you?” He scoffed, “Doesn’t look like it.”

“I am,” You whined childishly, “If I wasn’t I’d be sitting on your dick right now.”

The grunt Kunigami let out at that was dark and guttural, a deep groan reverberating from deep in his chest as he sent a jolt of electricity straight to your cunt. Your walls trembled around your fingers as your hips bucked into your touch, feeling lightheaded as your head fell back against the arm of the couch.

“Damn,” He sucked in a sharp breath at the lewd sound of your fingers buried deep inside your walls, the squelch filling the room as he imagined how much louder they’d be paired with skin against skin. You were practically dripping for him and he hadn’t even touched you, so desperate and needy for him that you’d go to these extremes instead of waiting for the season to be over, “Show me those pretty tits.”

“I thought you didn’t want to do this,” You teased, “The rules-”

“Do it,” He almost growled, the cool timber to his voice had you complying almost instantly as you pulled his shirt up over your chest to reveal your naked breasts to his gaze, “Fuck.”

His hand sped up against his shaft, the slick friction echoing around the room as he leaned forward to spit down on his length. The sound had you clenching as you wished your fingers felt as good as his, stroking against the silky spot inside you that Kunigami always focused on.

“You’re so pretty,” He mumbled, chestnut eyes roaming your exposed skin as he reached his free hand out to squeeze your calf. The warmth of his hand against your skin had the heat inside you burning like a flame, reaching up to palm one of your naked breasts as you tried to mimic his movements. Fingers tweaking your hardened nipple as you tugged gently, pulling more gruff groans from your boyfriend's lips.

“Doesn’t that feel good?” You cooed, “Bet you wish it was my pussy instead.”

“Nothin’s better than your pussy,” He mumbled, rolling his wrist every time he reached his swollen tip. Tightening his fist to try and emulate how your tight cunt felt wrapped around him each time he sunk himself inside you, tempted to throw his morals to the side and break the cardinal rule as he watched the way your walls sucked three of your fingers in.

“Wish you could feel right now,” You mewled pathetically, writhing on the couch beside him as your palm pressed against your clit.

It wasn’t the same, your slender fingers couldn’t reach the same spots as he could. Sliding directly into your warmth and finding the exact places he knew would have you coming undone in minutes, navigating your body better than you ever could.

“I wish it was your fingers instead, yours always feel so much better than mine.” You continued.

“Yeah,” He grinned, his thumb pressed against his slit. You could tell by the way his thick lashes were fluttering that he was nearing his end, “I make you feel so good, don’t I, sweetheart?”

“The best, Rensuke. Every time-” Kunigami’s chest puffed at the praise, brows furrowing as his hand increased its pace against his cock, “You’re the best.”

“Yeah, I am.” He keened at the praise, his chest puffing out as he continued stroking himself.

The sight of him had your cunt clenching around your fingers, keeping the tips of them pressed against the spongy spot inside you as you brought your other hand down to press rough, constant circles against your puffy clit. The coil inside you was dangerously close to snapping as you continued to watch your boyfriend fist himself at the thought of you, his knuckles white from how tight he was fisting himself. Fingers trailing along the prominent veins on his length as he tried to imagine his thick cock stretching your tight walls as he buried himself balls deep. Your creamy arousal leaving rings around the base of his heavy cock so he could see the absolute mess he'd make of you every time, the mess reserved just for him.

“I’m gonna cum,” You gasped, your walls beginning to clamp down around your fingers in anticipation.

“Gonna cum for me, sweet girl?” Kunigami groaned, “Show me how pretty you look when you’re cummin’ for me, yeah?”

A jumbled cry of his name fell from your lips as you began to convulse around your fingers, tumbling into your bliss as your hips bucked from the couch. Riding out your release as you felt the tension dissipate to be replaced with euphoria as you felt Kunigami’s intense gaze completely fixated on you, his hand still slick and constant against his hard cock as he watched you ride out your climax. Pulling your fingers from your fluttering hole as you moved them up to gently brush your clit, fingers slick with your arousal.

“Want you to cum for me, baby.” You cooed, watching his jaw tighten as he clenched his teeth. The tension in him was at breaking point as he moved his free hand to grip the back of the couch, “Please, I want it.”

“Yeah? You want my cum?” He snarled through clenched teeth, his hand swift against his length as he sped up to bring himself to meet his own end.

“Yeah,” You parroted, unable to take your eyes off the hand around his cock, remembering when he used to piston his fingers inside your cunt at the same speed. Your cunt clenched as he began to shift on the couch, his forearm on the back as he kneeled between your parted thighs. Hovering over your glistening folds as he jerked himself above you.

“I’ll fuckin’ give it to you, sweetheart.” He groaned, half-lidded eyes gazing down at your wetness as he pictured how easily he could slip inside you and feel your walls trembling around him, the thought sending him to meet his own end, “Take it.”

You gasped as the first white-hot globs of cum began to drip onto your cunt, the sensation scorching you as his movements became erratic. Spurts flew along your torso as they landed against your naked breasts and tummy, painting your body white with his release as he left a trail of warmth against your skin.

“Oh, fuck.” Kunigami groaned as he emptied his balls, tapping the tip of his spent cock against your clit as he dragged it through your folds. Smearing his cum into your skin as he mixed it with your own release, chest heaving from the intensity of his climax.

Catching you by surprise as he reached down with his spit-soaked hand to pull the fingers that had been inside your cunt to his lips. His tongue swirled around them as he cleaned the taste of you from your skin, a deep timber groan rumbling deep in his chest at the taste of you.

“You’re a terrible influence,” He murmured, glancing down at the content smile that was now on your face as you leaned your tired body against the couch.

“Yeah, but you love me though.” You teased, avoiding his lips when he leaned down to kiss you, “Hey, no kisses before big games.”

“That isn’t a rule,” He scoffed, pinching your cheeks between his thumb and forefinger as your lips curled into a pout as he gave you a sloppy kiss.

“Maybe I’m making it one.” You scrunched your nose as he shook his head.

“You wouldn’t dare.” He smiled softly, giving you another softer kiss as he ran his hands along your sides, “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

His coach would argue that sex before a game made his players worse, but you would argue that it just made them more hungry.

[mattsunism]

as one of the managers for MSBY, you don’t see the adler’s ushijima wakatoshi often. so on the rare occasion that the two teams practice together, you make sure not to let the opportunity go to waste (nsfw).

your ears involuntarily prick up at the muffled sound of someone laughing, followed by the sound of a volleyball hitting someone. upon instinct your body clenches up, your hands gripping at the jersey in front of you.

his hips stutter at your actions and his hand squeezes your hip tighter (a feat that you didn’t even think was humanly possible), making you wince and a yelp to slip past your lips.

“wakatoshi, too tight,” you breathe out, and his grip instantly loosens.

“it’s your fault. don’t tighten up like that.”

you open your mouth to protest, but decide against talking back. after all, there was no point in starting anything now. especially considering the position the two of you were in.

you opt to lean forward instead, catching ushijima’s lips with yours. you pull at his bottom lip with your teeth, tugging lightly (you have to remind yourself no marks, because it’d be over if the two of you got caught), and you internally smirk at the way the brown-haired man groans into your mouth.

his hips push into yours, and you welcome the pain in your inner thighs that come with each press. there’s no rhythm to his actions, just his cock brutally thrusting into your wet cunt, desperately trying to chase a release before anyone comes into the room.

“don’t have a condom,” ushijima mutters into your neck, eyebrows furrowing, all while continuing to hit that sweet spot of yours.

“just come in me, please, wakatoshi, fuck. i’m so close,” you plead, your legs wrapping tighter against his waist. you swear you’re seeing stars at the way he’s fucking you, and there was nothing more you wanted at that moment than for him to fill you up inside and fuck you through your orgasm.

his right hand goes down to rub at your clit, and the added stimulation was causing your brain to practically melt like ice cream on a sunny day.

“keep going, please. i want your cum so badly, please just give it to me. fuck, you feel so good inside me. your cock is so fucking good, so big, the best i’ve ever had, fuck.” you’re slurring your words at this point, too fucked out to be embarrassed by the words leaving your mouth.

your words seemed to push ushijima over the edge, because his hips stuttered once, twice, before you feel his cum filling you up inside. the tip of his cock presses up against your g-spot and your head lolls back at the feeling, too lost on the feeling of ushijima’s cock to even register the pain of hitting the metal locker.

you must both be masochists, because he continues to fuck you through your orgasm, a creamy white ring forming at the base of his cock. his eyebrows twitch at the overstimulation, the fine line between pleasure and pain becoming muddled.

“fuck,” he growls, eyeing the mess. he’s obsessed with the way you look whenever you fuck, as if your pussy was made personally to take his cock and milk it for all it was worth.  all for him, all because of him.

he keeps his softening cock inside you for a few more moments, savoring your warmth, and allows you to ride out your orgasm to its fullest, sucking at the sweet spot below your ear.

you whimper as he pulls out, feeling his cum start to seep out of your puffy folds. ushijima stares, mesmerized, as if admiring his work, but then grabs a towel from his locker and begins wipes away the mess.

he helps fix your panties, his thumb purposely brushing against your clit just to see your body twitch at the overstimulation.

he gives you one last kiss, but has to pull away with a chuckle because you were still reeling, still seeing stars at the orgasm he had just given you. you’re trying to catch your breath, and just end up giving the man a glare instead of your usual back talk when he teases you over your state.

“you should have come to the schweiden adlers. it’s not too late to fix your mistake, you know.”

you groan as he starts up his lecture about how you chose to manage the wrong team (for the thousandth fucking time, just saying), and somehow find the energy to stand up. you grab your jacket and zip it up to your chin, scowling.

“worst pillow talk ever, wakatoshi.”

“if you didn’t notice, we’re in a locker room,” the player points out, and you mentally face palm at how dense the man is.

“the cover up story is that i was finding tape so you could wrap your fingers,” you mutter, reaching into your jacket pocket to pull out a small roll of finger tape. you toss it into his lap and speed walk out of the locker room, desperate to end the conversation.

extra.

bokuto leans into atsumu, peering at the stoic man through the net with wide eyes, his eyebrow arching suspiciously.

“you think wakatoshi’s got something going on with our trainer?”

atsumu clicks his tongue, and with wrinkled brows pushes the latter away. “oy, knock it off! ya getting all yer sweat on me.”

the blond stared at you, an incomprehensible feeling bubbling in his stomach at the thought of you dating the adler’s member. his head tilts slightly to the side at the sight of you handing a water bottle to ushijima, not missing the way the latter lets his fingers practically overlap yours during the interaction, and how unbothered you are this contact. almost as if you were used to his touch.

could they? what were the chances that you were closer with the other team’s star player?

no. not much, atsumu convinced himself, but an unsettling feeling remained in his chest despite the self-gaslighting.

after much thought the blond spoke again, his eyes tearing away from your figure to look at bokuto. “and, no way. have ya seen the guy? he’s like a robot.”

(i... am so down bad for this man wow.)

[romanoffsbish]

Labor Pains

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Wanda Maximoff x Sibling!Reader

TW: Blood, Pregnancy/Labor complications, Slight angst but relatively fluffy.

Requested by @kloy344 ,thank you for your request, I truly hope it was what you’d wanted.

Ever since you'd become pregnant, your powers had been all over the place as your hormones clearly had their influence upon them. Something as simple as the impending rain had the potential to make you burst into tears, as if you were meant to be empathetic to the precipitation.

———

When you were to bid your sister and wife goodbye this morning, you'd actually begged them not to go. Your gut was telling you today would come at a high cost. They'd simply waved you off, as they knew your powers had been playing games on you as of late. They told you that it was a simple information extraction, they promised to have each others sixes, and kissed your cheeks as they'd left.

The only thing that information really did was to leave you worried for what might be coming your way. You weren't due for another three weeks, so they really were eager to go, as this was going to be their last mission for awhile. You'd been slightly envious at first honestly, as being pregnant left you benched, but you were more than excited for motherhood so it became easier over time.

As your morning progressed, and the afternoon approached, the feeling hadn't subsided, then a blinding pain hit in your abdomen, briefly crashing over you all at once. Realization washed over you, and you just knew something was wrong internally.

You wobbled to the medbay in search of literally anyone, and to your relief Cho had been in. As soon as she saw you, she'd smiled your way, and then it dropped when she saw your face. You'd touched your belly and a terrifying image had flashed through your mind. All you could see was blood, a deep crimson hue completely flooded your mind, you heeded the warning and cried out in fear.

"Help me..."

She was at your side in the blink of an eye, before settling you in a wheelchair, and loading you into a car to take you to the hospital. Fortunately for you they knew her there, so there was no questions of your sanity, or brushing you off as if you were just a panicked mom who spent too much time on WebMD.

—

As Natasha and Wanda navigated the hallways, it had been going rather smoothly. Until Natasha accidentally stubbed her toe, and nearly toppled over, and Wanda couldn't help but to laugh.

"I've seen you get shot and barely flinch, but a toe to the wall nearly takes you out? Y/N clearly did have a reason to be worried." Wanda muses, as she walks a few paces ahead, laughing maniacally.

"No, she should be worried that your laughter will get us caught, pipe down." Natasha growls, as she speeds by her and into the control room.

Comfortable silence falls over the best friends, as Natasha gets to work, while Wanda stands guard against the empty halls. Several minutes had gone by, as Natasha had began crumpling paper, and shooting it into various bins across the room, tapping random keys whenever necessary. Wanda had watched in amusement, wondering how her level headed sister had ended up marrying such a child.

Suddenly though, her stomach flipped and her stance became rather stiffened. Initially she thought someone had been approaching, but the building was still apparently cleared, as she sensed only Natasha, herself, and the team waiting for them.

"Something's wrong Nat." Wanda suddenly states, as her stomach starts to intensely flutter, almost painfully so, and her mind was then jumbled with thoughts of you.

"Wanda, the missions going just fine." Natasha laughs out, as she continues to hack into the Hydra systems.

"No, Nat.. Something is wrong with Y/N, I can feel it, we need to get back to her, like now..." Wanda groans, as she feels a sudden, sharp pain, and grips at her stomach, the sensation nearly brings her to her knees.

Natasha's body was sent into a frenzy, as she typed that much faster, and yanked the drive from the machine as soon as the beep registered in her ears. She remembers all too well how Wanda knew Pietro was down before it was ever said aloud. Her painful sobs were heard across the entirety of Sokovia, so she has no doubt that Wanda's feelings are justified.

—

They had hooked you to every machine possible, before giving you an ultrasound, and you'd watched as their faces contorted into something unreadable. Then they began to run around you without speaking, but you could tell they were prepping you for something.

"What's going on?" You ask in a panicked tone, and a nurse stops to place her hands on your shoulders.

"Stay calm, but we're rushing to prep you for an emergency caesarean, there's a tear, and it's breeching dangerous for both you and the fetus."

As soon as she'd finished speaking, your abdomen tightened, and a blood curdling scream tumbled passed your lips. Your mind had gone fuzzy as they rushed to wheel you down the hall, and you'd shortly passed out from the immense pain.

You slowly came to again in an operating room, to the sound of weakened crying, and a weak smile painted your face at the sound of your baby's subtle wails.

"She's hemorrhaging!" You vaguely heard the doctor shout from above you, along with the intense beeping of your attached vitals monitors.

"We'll have to perform an emergency hysterectomy if we wish to also keep the mother alive."

Panic flooded your mind, as all you wanted was to be a mother, and allow Nat the same luxury. Now, your body nearly killed your daughter, and has taken away any future of more children—you'd seemingly failed everyone you loved.

"It's a good thing she made it when she did, or she would've lost the baby too." You heard, as a  bitter tear ran down your cheek, before you'd faded out once more.

—

The rest of the team anxiously sat in the quinjet, waiting for the redheads to re-emerge, before being able to break the startling news they'd just received from Dr. Cho. As soon as they saw them making their way to the jet, Steve jolted up to meet them at the door, causing Natasha's anxiety to increase.

"What's going on?" Natasha coldly asks, as she sees Steve's poker face fall into a terrified expression.

"Y/N felt like something was off, so she went to find help, and then everything went south. Luckily, Helen was there and rushed her to the hospital. Now we're just waiting for news..."

"You knew and didn't tell us?!" She seethed, as she stepped towards the super soldier with her widow bites at the ready.

"The mission had to come first." Steve firmly states, and Natasha punches him squarely in the face, then Wanda throws him across the jet with her powers.

"Fuck you, and your missions! We're taking about my sister! She was left all alone, and probably afraid." Wanda screams, as she crumples to the ground in immense pain, unaware of where yours ends, and hers begins.

She's about to be an auntie, the prospect of losing anything in that process was not something she'd ever prepared herself for.

"What are you guys waiting for?! Fly us to her!" Natasha shouts, as she moves to Wanda's side, and tries her best to soothe her through the pain, even though her hearts just as shattered.

Being a mom is a dream that she never thought would come to fruition after the Red Room, but between falling in love with you, and the advancements in science the outlandish dream became rather obtainable. Now, she wishes she'd never dreamed at all, because losing you would be nothing short of a nightmare...

Clint had the jet in the air within an instant, and flew it with maximum efficiency to get the distraught women to you as fast as possible.

The closer they got, the less pain Wanda felt, which had actually terrified her beyond belief.

"Nat, I-I can't feel her..."She whimpers, as she leans further into her for comfort.

"Shh... Don't think like that, Y/N's too stubborn to die, she wouldn't leave us, they probably just have her sedated..." Natasha deflects the potential of anything else, as she does her best to keep her composure.

Clint landed the jet in a field nearby, dropping the door open, which Natasha and Wanda sprinted out of immediately and ran straight towards the hospital.

"Natasha! Over here." Yelena shouts, as she'd come straight to the hospital at her sisters request.

"Listen, Yelena Jr is in the NICU, and Y/N's still in surgery."

"Surgery?? What happened?!"

"I don't really know..."

Helen Cho had just finished talking to the doctors, and made her way back to the group of frazzled women.

"Ladies, let's sit down."

"No.. Just say it." Natasha says through gritted teeth, as Yelena wraps an arm around her waist to keep her up.

"Well, Y/N suffered what is called a Uterine Rupture, and fortunately for her, she'd gotten here just in the knick of time. I'm going to assume that was her powers doing... Your daughter is in the NICU, being observed, and everything seems fine with her, but she'll likely be there for the rest of the week. As for Y/N, she's not doing as well. As soon as they'd removed the fetus, Y/N's uterus hemorrhaged and they had to make a rather controversial decision for her." Helen informed the women, eventually pausing to give the women a moment, as well as to take a drink of water. 

"What?! What did they do?!" Natasha asks in a panic.

"Well, in the choice of life or death, they'd had to perform an emergency hysterectomy..."

"What does that mean?" Natasha asks, slowly losing her patience for this entire conversation.

"It means that Y/N's uterus posed too much of a threat, so it had to be removed..."

"Oh..." Natasha dejectedly mumbles, slowly moving her body to a chair in a corner, where she pulls her knees to her chest in a protective position.

Yelena and Wanda just stood there in shock, until the witch whispered out a universal concern.

"Did she make it?"

"It was touch and go for a bit, but she stabilized, and they were finishing her up when you all arrived. I'd say they'll allow you to see her in an hour, and one of you at a time is allowed to visit the baby..."

Natasha jumped to her feet, wiping away at the tears that had been freely flowing, and Cho got the hint and guided her to where she needed to be. The nurses then got her in proper PPE, then took her to meet her tiny darling.

“So far so good, she’s strong, just like her mother’s… She’s stable enough to be held, would you like to hold her?”

Natasha nodded, holding off on using her words, too afraid of the sobs likely to fall out. The nurse gently smiled at her, before removing the baby from her pod, and Natasha

“Your wife was rather fortunate in her arrival time, because your daughter here seems to not have suffered any obvious deficits. Her neurological check up went well, her reflexes work properly, and she’s rather observant for only being an hour old.” The nurse sweetly relays, in an obvious attempt to calm the frazzled redhead, but it’s of no use.

The nurse quickly picks up on that as she glides out of her personal space. She’ll only be truly calm, when she sees your perfectly alive face smiling up at her.

“Privet, Mila Alya Maximoff-Romanoff. I’m your mama….” She coos, as happy tears fall down her cheeks.

“Your mommy is currently in a bit of a bind, but she’s quite stubborn, so it’s nothing she won’t come out of.” She bitterly chuckles out, as your daughter’s wide eyes look up to her.

“You’re so beautiful, ideal'nyy angel mamy.” She coos, as she observes your daughter’s perfect features.

(Mama’s perfect angel)

It’s far too early to really determine who she’ll take after, but as of right now it seems that she’s got her mama’s nose, and fiery red hair, but Natasha’s internally groaning at the initial shade of her eyes. She knows she is screwed if your daughter ends up with your eyes, because telling her no will never become easy...

—

Wanda and Yelena were just informed that you’ve been situated in your room, and they all but sprinted off towards you. They shot off a text to Nat, then sat beside your bed, waiting for your eyes to open.

“Moya dorogoy, please open those beautiful eyes of yours…” Wanda whispers against your temple as she places a gentle kiss to your irritated skin.

After about an hour of waiting with no movement from you, Yelena had left to collect snacks, as she was rather ‘starving.’ Wanda paced around the room, floating her tendrils between her hands as a way to work through her anxieties.

“Sestra, slow down.” You croaked out, she squealed at your voice, and the tendrils bounced off the walls, until they threw a pillow across the room.

“Y/N… Thank God…” She sighed out, as she ran over to you, and rested her forehead to yours.

“I’m sorry…” You whimpered out, and her head pulled back so fast, as she glared down at you.

“Don’t you dare apologize… You told us something was wrong, and we waved you off. I’m proud of you for listening to your body, because I wouldn’t have survived losing you, or my gorgeous niece…” She sternly, yet softly relayed to you, as she firmly held onto your shoulders.

“I-I… I’m damaged goods, what if Natty resents me now that I can’t have anymore of her kids?”

“She would never… She’s not with you because of your incubation status Y/N/N. I’ve never in all my time been worried about her love for you, that women is irrevocably in this. I can’t tell you how much I had to hear about you over the years whenever you were gone. I’d have to remind her that we were sisters, because she could get rather specific at times.” Wanda immediately relays, shutting your fears down, and wincing as she remembers.

You giggled at her clear display of disgust, but then a sharp pain shut you up immediately.

“I promise you that the only thing on her mind right now is the happiness, and health of her girls.” Wanda concludes, with a kiss to your head, before she leaves to meet her niece, and make room for your wife to have the room.

—

Natasha rocked Mila to sleep, humming a calming tune, before placing her back in her pod. She watched her sleeping form, focused on the calming rise and fall of her chest, then she ran off towards your room as soon as Wands informed her you were up.

She took a few deep breaths before entering your room. Her heart instantly sank at the distant look in your eyes, it didn’t take her long to pinpoint the exact reason, as your hand was placed over your gown covered abdomen.

“Moya lyubov’…” She shakily whispered from the doorway, and you turned to face her, sending her your best smile in the hopes of reassuring her, but she saw right through it.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t take your worries seriously, detka…

“Nat, it’s okay… It wouldn’t have changed anything, you just would’ve had to bare witness to the horror show.

“I should’ve been here to do that! There’s no excuse, you were scared and we left you alone. If Cho hadn’t of been there in preparation for us going on our mission we might’ve not been so lucky… I promise I’m not leaving your side, no more missions, I’ll do desk work.”

“Natty, that’s not what you want, and I want you to be happy. Missions make you happy.” You gasp out, immediately interrupting her.

“No, they don’t, you and Mila do... Missions don’t keep me warm at night. They don’t kiss me so lovingly, that it feels like the very first time all over again. They don’t squeeze my finger in their tiny hands and look at me with innocent, hopeful eyes. Missions were at one point a necessary part of my life, I mean, they brought me to you. They no longer serve me, and that’s more than fine. I’ve done all I’m willing to do, I’d like to think I’ve earned this time to step back, and to just be in the moment with my girls.”

“You certainly have… I love you so much Natasha Alianovna Maximoff-Romanoff.” You whimper out, dramatically sighing out after the long winded name.

“And I you Y/N Y/M/N Maximoff-Romanoff.” She returns the sentiment with a slight chuckle, then leans down to place a sweet, firm kiss to your lips.

“She’s absolutely beautiful by the way.” She beams, as she ghosts her lips above yours, and pecks them once more for good measure.

Tears immediately fall from your eyes, as she gently moves her hands to cup at your cheeks, and stroke away each tear that attempts to fall.

“Oh, sweetheart…”

“I didn’t even get to see her, it was all so blinding… I just remember everyone running around me, then I was screaming in pain. Eventually I came to at the sound of her cry, but then I began to fade out again as my body reacted horribly to the procedure… She’s our tiny miracle Natty, I can’t give you anymore babies… I’m damaged… Is she going to be okay?”

“You’re not damaged my darling girl… You’ve given me everything! You somehow managed to make every single dream of mine come true, even the ones I’d sworn off, or the ones I discovered through you. I will love you just the same, I married you, not your womb. Mila is more than enough for us, and she’s strong just like her mama, the nurse even said so. If down the line we want more, there’s always adoption, or surrogacy. We still have all those frozen embryo’s in Tony’s freezer, he never lets me forget it.”

Her heart soared at the sight of your beaming smile, and she released a breath she hadn’t even been aware she’d been holding in.

“Give me an hour, and I guarantee you she’ll be in this room with us…” Natasha stated, with a wide smile, and a glint of determination in her eyes.

As soon as she left, Yelena entered with a wide array of snacks in her hands.

“Let’s play a game…”

Your quirked brow, and frown was enough to press her to go on.

“The game is, you watch me eat all your favorite snacks, and I’ll only stop when you agree to change her name to Yelena.”

“Belova…”

“Mmm… This oreo is delicious…”

“Why would you even want her to share a name with you? I’d expect you to be protective of your name, wanting it all to yourself. Her name is Mila Alya, which it will remain. We picked it because it means to be loved, and beautiful.” You groan out, rubbing your hands down your face in pure frustration.

“Mm… A pickle…”

“Belova, I swear to God, our sisters will destroy you if you don’t knock it off.”

“What? You hate pickles, that was me conceding…” She quips, whipping her head to the left as you throw your cup of ice at her head.

“Ha!” She laughs out, then moves off the corner of your bed, and to the couch.

Your eyes had closed shortly after Yelena’s taunting had come to a stop, and a wave of exhaustion consumed you.

—

“Detka, wake up… You have a visitor…” Nat’s gentle voice permeates your ears, as she gently caresses your cheek, and your eyes flutter open rather slowly.

“There she is…” She coos, as she stares down to you with loving eyes and a gentle smile.

Once your eyes had fully adjusted, you take notice of the bundle in your sisters arms, and your heart nearly stops.

“Sestra, meet your daughter…”

Once you see your daughters perfect, soft features, and notice her curious eyes staring back at you, every concern you had been harboring had left your body.

Everything was going to be okay…

—————————————————————

Taglist:

@beenicejoy @d14n4ol

3,404 Words

[jarrodsbowen]

Hi! I love your writing so much, would you be able to do a mason mount one with number 11 from the fluff prompts and number 7 from the types of kisses list (in the same piece)? I hope that makes sense! :)

omg these go perfectly together!!

prompts — “it’ll be okay” kisses, not wanting to be away from them

one more night, mason mount

just as you and mason got time to yourself for the first time in what felt like forever, it ended rather quickly. he was soon going to be on his way to st george’s park to start training with the rest of the england team ahead of the next international break that they had. and you were dreading it.

last night, the two of you had an amazing time, one that you needed a lot. you spent the day cuddled up to each other, binging shows and movies that you’ve already seen a hundred times before, sharing kisses and lingering touches here and there… and you’d so anything to relive it everyday.

but today was mason’s first day back since he took time off, and it annoyed him just as much as it did you that he had to wake up early instead of sleep in with you. he groaned as his alarm went off, cuddling tighter into you as you shifted slightly his embrace.

one of your hands entangled themselves in his messy, choppy locks, massaging his scalp gently. “d’you have to go” you whispered so quietly, he wouldn’t have heard it wasn’t for the little distance between you too. he nodded slowly into your side, eyes fluttering against your neck.

“i don’t want you to leave” you said pulling back, arms hanging loosely around his neck. all he did was caress your cheek, thumb running smoothly over your bottom lip, admiring your sleepy face.

you watched as he slowly started to get out of bed, heading to the bathroom. you couldn’t help but subtly rake your eyes down his shirtless torso, his toned back making you want him to stay even more than you possibly already could.

without a second thought, you unwrapped yourself from the warm duvet covers and followed mason into the bathroom. you found him in front of the mirror, applying some of his skincare products you bought him to his face. wrapping your arms around his lower back, you pressed a kiss just next to his bare shoulder, before grabbing your toothbrush.

he moved you over so you were now in front of him, back pressed against his chest with one of his arms around your waist. a little while later and mason was now dressed and ready to leave within the next hour, you opting to stay in a shirt of his after your shower.

being away from mason was hard at times, but the two of you always made it work. but you had to admit, you’d prefer to have your boyfriend all to yourself at all times.

he noticed the small pout you had, tapping your thigh as you sat on the kitchen counter. looking up to face him, you didn’t register the look of tiredness in his fave until then, it looked like taking some time off actually helped him a lot.

he held your chin between his thumb and index finger, staring lovingly into you. “it’ll be okay” he whispered with a raspy voice. his eyes scanned all over your face, before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. you relaxed into the kiss, letting all your worries sink to the bottom of your mind.

when he pulled away a moment later, forehead resting against yours, he said again, “it’s only two weeks, plus you’ll have the tv to yourself now”, trying to lighten up the mood. being apart from you took a toll on him as well, finding it harder to sleep at night without hours of tossing and turning, not being able to cuddle you whenever he wanted to… the list went on.

you smiled at his remarks, letting your arms dangle around his neck. “can’t you stay one more night?” you pleaded softly, even though you knew it was impossible. he only smiled at you, taking one of your hands from his neck and placing a small kiss on the back of it. “you know i would if i could, baby” he spoke, playing with your fingers.

god, you were going to miss him and that beautiful face. and you made sure he knew that, giving him one last long, loving kiss before he left.