#just in case this isnt clEAR JUST TO COVER MY BASES | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sophieinwonderland · 5 months ago

Note

@juniper-bunch

Thanks for the links!

Before I go into them, I think it's important to establish what we're talking about when we discuss non-traumagenic systems.

Because a majority do not have or claim to have DID or a mental disorder. Only a singular symptom. That being the plurality.

For this reason, sources only saying DID is caused by trauma aren't really relevant to the issue.

But I want to go a bit further into these because there are some other issues I have with these particular sources beyond the scope.

Besides only focusing on DID, this is a blog. It says "blog" in the address bar.

And going over the article, it's not even clear whose blog it is. Was this article written by a doctor, or merely a random survivor? If it's the latter, is it actually anymore valuable than a Tumblr post?

To be fair, they do provide some academic sources for some things, but I didn't see any for the claims about a traumagenic cause being present in 100% of cases. (Though for the record, studies into DID at least show trauma in upwards of 90% of cases.) Typically, when doctors talk about DID, they're careful enough with their words to say that DID is "virtually always" caused by trauma or is heavily associated with trauma or similar language.

Again, this is irrelevant because DID being traumagenic or not doesn't really matter since you don't need DID to be a system. Just wanted to point out some flaws in using this.

Also, to be clear, a blog post isn't inherently bad on its own if the blog belongs to an expert or is quoting experts directly. But this isn't doing either. There's no evidence it's ran by an expert and it has no quotes. (Or at least not relevant ones to this topic.)

The next link is to Quora...

Which is just notoriously bad. But don't take my word for it. Listen to the users...

As for the link you posted, most of those answers aren't from professionals. The top one is a patient who says their psychologist said so, but it's hearsay.

The next one claims to be a registered nurse, but studying physical health isn't a substitute for a background in psychology.

Some of the answers, like this one, are just straight-up misinformation:

While trauma is mentioned in DSM-5 as a risk factor, it's NOT part of the criteria.

This is the actual criteria from the current DSM-5:

And this is where trauma is mentioned:

The 90% statistic is huge, especially when it doesn't cover all types of trauma, but at no point does it say you can't have DID without trauma at all.

Finally, there's the Rethink link.

This runs into the same problem as Beauty and Bruises where there's no name on it. Who wrote this? Whose opinion is it?

And they again don't source their claims. The whole trauma line is just that some researchers say it.

It doesn't cite those researchers or say what this is based on.

All in all, this is just not a very useful source.

Round up

All in all, these sources don't address the existence of endogenic systems at all because they never discuss non-disordered systems. They're focused entirely on DID.

But even as sources to prove DID itself is caused by trauma, I don't consider any of the three links particularly reliable for that purpose.

There's no indication who wrote these article or what their credentials are. Nor is there evidence of a review process by experts.

Hi, we wanted to ask why you target anti endos so much (you know, traumatized people) instead of just existing in your own space and we exist in ours? We don’t mean any harm, just a genuine question we have. Like, what’s your thought process? Can that be explained please?

Because hate and ignorance are infections and if you allow them to fester, the consequences can be disastrous.

And because, like it or not, we all share the same space...

More than ever, in such an interconnected world, separate spaces don't actually exist. There are, at best, isolated spaces where you can spread a ton of hate, but that hate is going to spill out and end up hurting people who aren't in those spaces, just as it did with Aimkid.

Or more recently, the Yaelokre server:

In my opinion, separate spaces are a myth. You can try to divide them for a time, but there will always be spillover.

Besides that... my end goal is conquering that globe.

I have this dream. A dream of a world that's aware and accepting of all types of plurality. It will be slow going and we'll need a lot of support to get there. And people need to be able to feel hope that it can and will happen.

I'm not sure how common knowledge it is in anti-endo circles, but if you've seen people saying "the future is plural," that started right here with me on this blog. (As far as I know. I suppose others could have said it first.)

But getting to that acceptance means we can't be content in staying in our own isolated corners. It's not viable for the future we want to build.

And when pondering the path to that future, one of the things I've thought a lot about is the response certain firsts will get.

If Aimkid faced such harassment just being an influencer with a moderate following for being a pro-endo traumagenic system, can you imagine the harassment that the first real celebrity to support endogenic systems, or even to come out as an endogenic system themselves, will have to endure?

What will the response be to the first scripted television show that explicitly acknowledges endogenic plurality by name as a real phenomenon? (I mean, the Chicago Med tulpa episode did that with tulpas but slipped under anti-endo radar since anti-endos don't watch Chicago Med.)

Currently, the science and opinions of doctors is overwhelmingly on the pro-endo side.

But it means nothing if that knowledge never breaches the spaces where it's needed most to correct misinformation.

For example, did you know that Stanford University funded an fMRI study into tulpamancers, taking scans of their brains during switching and possession? (Possession is a tulpamancy term for taking control of the body or part of the body without fully switching into front.)

There was an AMA a few months ago about this on r/tulpas.

The budget for the fMRI study was about $50k not counting the pay of the researchers.

This does a pretty good job illustrating how much interest there is in tulpamancy and endogenic plurality that they were willing to invest so much into this project.

And the study actually found neurological changes during possession!

But if you go into most anti-endo spaces, they'll tell you that this research doesn't exist. That not only does the science not support endogenic plurality, but that absolutely nobody is researching it because it's not real.

And they're able to claim that because they don't bother looking, never listen to the other side, and refuse to accept anything that contradicts their worldview.

These studies are real though, they're being conducted as we speak, and we're going to see far more of them in the future!

Where we are right now though, all three of the creators of the theory of structural dissociation could release a joint statement with the ISSTD that endogenic systems are real and valid tomorrow, and anti-endos would not hear about it in their echo chambers.

In short, I target anti-endos because lies will prevail wherever truth cannot breach.

#syscourse

38 notes · View notes

bakatenshii · 4 years ago

Note

Okay this is propably SO CURSED BUT OH WELL. I only have one thing to say- papa Koutaro railing his sweet leetle girl 👁

BLESSED THIS IS BLESSED, but the shigfucker in me says— making u fuck tenko-nii as he watches in silence, eyes cold and piercing right into your hot writhing bodies, tracing over every string of slick and spit and drool and cum, only to spread you on his king sized bed afterwards and fuck you good and well; the way only a real man knows how to, and daddy knows best, doesn’t he?

shimura koutarou uses his son to loosen up your cute lil cunny before fucking you pass it on

#urusai! baka #bnha spoilers #JUST IN CASE BECAUSE OF TENKO #tw: incest #NO SUCH THING AS CURSED ON MY BLOG #I JUST POSTED ON MAIN THAT I WANNA BE FUSTED BY COMPRESS PLZ LMAOOO #but i just #i mean yall know #just in case this isnt clEAR JUST TO COVER MY BASES #THIS IS TENKO AU #WHERE SHIG DOESNT HAPPEN #so theyre both oF AGE #O B V I O U S L Y #i just had a chill run up my spine going— we always associate tenko/koutarou as their canon ages aka young tenko #no no adult tenko whos a neet shut-in who’s still terrified of his dad #THATS A VIBEEEEE #PLEASEEE GOD

21 notes · View notes

katethewriter · 2 years ago

Note

hey! i just wanted to tell you that you seem like a really nice person. whenever im on your blog i always see you being so kind and patient to everyone. Also if you want a request for the fluff fic, maybe wandanat x reader and one of them is sick and the other two take care of them or something (they could be denying if you want angst). Feel free to ignore this and sorry if this doesnt make sense, English isnt my first or second language 😅. have a great day! -🩴

Thank you :) I try to do my best. I will absolutely NOT ignore this! I’ve actually been wanting to write something based off greys anatomy episode where Callie gets the chicken pox, so this ask is perfect! I hope you enjoy! ❤️

Little White Lie

Pairing: WandaNat x Reader

Words: 1.3k~

Summary: Wanda comes down with a case of the chickenpox. You don’t react as well as you would have liked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s truly amazing how loud silence can be. The whispered turning of pages in a book. A symphony of keyboard keys clicking away tirelessly. A group of people focused individually, comfortable in the silence.

Wanda stops typing. Her head hangs back with a sigh. She has been working on this mission report for over an hour, and she’s still only halfway through.

From your seat next to her, you look up from your book, “you ok?”

She nods, “yeah, I just got a headache.” Closing her laptop, she stands from the table, “I’m gonna grab some coffee.” Your girlfriend leans down to kiss the top of your head, but you reach up to her.

You pull her down by the back of her neck until her ear is level with your lips, “I know a cure for a headache that doesn’t involve coffee.” You release her neck and smirk at the blush filling her cheeks.

Wanda quickly peaks around the room to see if any of the other teammates heard your little exchange. Confident that they are none the wiser, she grins at you, grabbing your hand to pull you in the direction of the door.

Giggling, you drop the book on the table, completely forgotten. You don’t even bother to mark the page.

The two of you barely make it to the first empty meeting room before you are on each other. You kiss her passionately, pushing her against the wall until your bodies are flush to one another.

Your hands rest on her hips, and her hands come up to your face. It feels like every inch of you is pressing into her, and she’s warm, like warmer than normal warm. You hadn’t noticed it back in the common room, but now with her pressed against you, its apparent.

“You’re hot,” you pull back, but she quickly kisses you again.

“You’re hot too, detka,” she whispers against your lips before pulling you back in.

You reach up to feel her forehead, and like you expected its definitely warmer than it should be. “No, you’re hot,” you step away from her now, “you have a fever.”

Peaking from under the collar of her shirt, you see a red spot. “What is that?” You grab her arm and push up her sleeve revealing several more of these red spots, “oh my god, you have chickenpox.”

You step away from her fully, and she looks between you and her arm with wide eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have to admit she looks pitiful. Sitting on the medbay bed, Wanda is covered head to toe in red spots.

“Please detka, I feel fine,” she begs, but you stand your ground, staring at her from the doorway. “I just want to go back to our room.”

“No can do, Wanda,” Bruce says from behind you. “You are highly contagious right now. If you step foot outside of this room, you will touch walls and door knobs. You could start an outbreak through out the compound.”

You smile at her sadly, “I’m sorry baby, you just have to stay in here for a little while until its cleared up.”

Wanda slumps into the bed, “will you sit with me at least please?”

“I’m sorry baby, but I’ve never had the chickenpox before, and I never got the vaccine,” you nod your head in the direction of Bruce behind you, “like Bruce said, chickenpox are contagious.” You didn’t think it was possible, but somehow the brunette frowns even more. You can only smile sympathetically as she reaches up to her neck and begins to run her nails along the irritated skin.

“Don’t scratch.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh wow,” Natasha says as she takes in the sight of Wanda sitting on a bed in the medbay. She’s clearly miserable, red spots covering her skin.

“Yeah,” you reply.

Natasha has just returned from a mission. You told her of what was going on, but seeing it for herself was something different entirely. “How are you feeling detka?”

Wanda looks up with tears in her eyes, “please let me scratch.” She holds up her hands that have now been wrapped in white gauze to keep her from scratching. “I need to really bad,” she begs, “please just one.” She brings one wrapped up hand to her neck. Rubbing her covered hand up and down the red spots there.

You raise an eyebrow like you have been a lot the past two days, “don’t scratch, it’ll scar.”

“I don’t care, please,” she pleads.

Natasha decides to take pity on her, “ok, hold on.” She walks into the room.

“She’s contagious,” you grab her arm before she makes it into the room.

The widow shrugs, “Red Room was very particular about vaccinations. Can’t complete a mission if you’re getting sick all the time.” She kisses your cheek, “its ok, I’ll take over from here, malyshka.”

Natasha crosses the room and climbs onto the bed. She lays down, pulling Wanda to lay with her. You watch from the doorway as the redhead begins to gently rub the witch’s arm with the palm of her hand. The brunette sighs in relief and relaxes for the first time in two days.

“Better?”

She only nods with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I should be in there,” you sigh. Watching your girlfriends through the glass wall of the med bay room, you kick yourself for being such an idiot. Natasha continues to gently rub her palm over Wanda’s skin. They laugh and smile while the redhead provides much needed relief for the itching.

“Don’t be jealous,” Bruce reassures you, “they both still love you. It’s just that Natasha is immune, and you’re not. Once Wanda is all healed up, you’ll be back together just like before.” You both stand in silence for a moment. You are watching your girlfriends while Bruce writes in Wanda’s file.

“I’ve had the chickenpox,” you admit. Bruce looks up from his paperwork to you. “I told her hadn’t, but I have. I lied to my girlfriends because....” you sigh trying to find the right words, “...because she is just so beautiful. I was scared with pox and the ooze and the fever... I just... I wanted to stay in the honeymoon phase... you know?”

You look to Bruce who gives you an almost deer in the headlights look. “So, I lied like an idiot and now,” you wave an arm in the direction of your girlfriends, “they’re in there and I should be too, but I can’t.”

You roll your eyes at yourself and sigh. Quickly you turn and head to your room to go to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Restlessly, you roll back and forth in the sheets. Since you have been with Wanda and Nat, you’ve rarely, if ever, had to sleep alone. The few nights you did have to sleep alone went about as well as tonight has.

Rolling over, you take a glimpse at the clock on the bedside table, 2:16 am. You groan and roll over again. Trying anything you can to find a position that will be comfortable enough for you to sleep.

You know its hopeless.

There’s no way you are going to get any sleep without Wanda or Natasha. You sigh, knowing what you have to do. Throwing back the covers, you make your way to the medbay.

When you get there, you find them fast asleep in each other’s arms. You don’t hesitate any longer.

Entering the room, you tiptoe over to the bed, trying to be careful not to wake them up. A delicate kiss is placed on both of their foreheads. You lay down on the other side of Wanda so she is sandwiched between you and Natasha.

The brunette stirs in her sleep, thus pulling the redhead from her slumber. Wanda peaks through her eyes to look at you. “What are you doing?” she mumbles tiredly. Sleep has made her voice groggy, “you’ll get the chickenpox.”

You smile and stroke her cheek, “so I get the chickenpox.”

Wanda gives you the biggest smile she can while being half asleep. Her eyes close again as she drifts back into unconsciousness, and you are not far behind her.

#askkate #🩴 anon #I feel like I’m not cool enough to have emoji anons #so you just made me happy 🩴 anon 🥰

205 notes · View notes

uwuowotf2waslife · 4 years ago

Note

👉👈 May I request an nsfw with a Virgin S/O whos ready to do the nasties with the Mercs? I love how In character they all are ;; ♥︎♥︎♥︎

( put on your good clothes and get ready to roll in the nasty with our darling barbie men)

Scout: he has some experience, he knows what he is doing but he isn’t the master. He is somewhat nervous, his first time wasnt the best and he really doesnt want to screw it up for you. Probably gets you to a simple movie date to ease his nerves and a small walk to get the anxiety out of you (mostly him again). Goes back to his room at the base and makes sure the door is locked before he gets into the roast. He lowkey asks for your consent and once he has the signal he gets into the nasty-smashy mode.He makes out with you and pratically throws you into the bed while trying to take of your shirt and his in the same time, he is an amateur but he has all the passion of a professional. Gives you time and goes slower the more things get heated, but hes riled up. Starts fingering you sloppily and makes you climax before he starts anything that requires insertion. Starts very gently but quickly looses his patience and just pounds straight away ( but will stop cold dead if he even catches a string of pain, uncomfort in your eyes). Can hit multiple home runs but wont last long

Soldier: has quite the experience. He will be way more gentle at the begining, giving you time to relax and get into the mood. He will let you decide the pace, but he will make you climax firstly so you are good and lubed up so he can insert his johnson without making you uncomfortable. Won’t break you, but is a bit rougher and more creative in ( he is a beefcake and likes to fuck while standing up, your legs being hoilsted up on his waist and your back on a wall or your butt barely touching a table). Not a silent man but he will do his darnest to make you moan and scream his name.

Engie: has experience, hes a well , soft spoken blond cinamon roll, what do you expect? but he really wants to make it special for you. Goes out of his way to do a romantic evening just for you two, playing all the romantic songs he knows on his guitar and having tidied up his room so much his mama would be proud. Insist on using lube and fingers you until you are begging and physically trying to loosen up his belt. He is pretty tame for now, and tries to suck your collarbone or nipples to enhance the experience, big cuddles afterwards.

Demo: not really phaced, he has done his share of nasty in his life and has confidence that he is pretty good at what he does ,so hes up for the challenge. He asks for consent many times and asks you how would you like the event to be. Big on foreplay and likes to perform oral sex, so youll have a good start. Not That Big ( i know the stereotype is somewhat true but he isnt a horse, calm down) but he has g i r t h, so youll have to cum at least twice before he even puts the tip near the clit. Prefers the Loveseat or the cowgirl so he can enjoy the show and you to have a better time adjustanding to him.

Heavy: (i think is pretty much canon in the fandom that this boy has a magnum dong * inster iasip meme here*) ooof he is scared. Hes a big, very big fella. He has dad some experience, but he is terrified. He really, really doesnt want to hurt you. He needs constant reasurance to even start get started making out. He will lift you up and grop you like he has never felt a woman before.He will give you an idea how big he is by letting you pet his erection through his pants, ( spoiler alert its fatter than a kielbasar sausage) . He will finger you throughly with his fingers before even removing his boxers and will spend a ungodly time into slidying into and use galons of lube. Ngl you will waddle for 2 days and hell hit that g -spot hard and fast. Growls like all slavic guys in porns and but muffles you with kisses and words of adoration in russian and english, lowkey climaxes in russian after you.

Medic: he has hit a jackpot, lowkey has a virgin fetish, mostly due to the blood ngl. Bu he is a doctor and a surgeon so dont worry schwatz he has you covered. Starts by a nice oil massage to get you all nice and loose and then he fingers you for an hour and edges you relentesly, this man has no mercy. Only when you are basically a heartbeat before losing your shit, he gets the condoms and slams you harder than a bitch in heat.Big dom vibes, he will edge you for all night so you can scream his name when you cum loud and clear for all of New Mexico to hear. Won’t cum inside you or before you have cummed at least twice, just switches and lets you tit-fuck him until he cums all over your face.Big on aftercare and has the medigun on in any case something happens plus he kisses every time he withdraws .

Sniper: not a big lover, but he has plowed here and there. Won’t make a big deal out of it, but he ain’t relaxed, he really wants to make you feel everything. Lowkey trembles with his nerves, even has masturbate before you two meet so he last longer and has showered. Starts out shy, licking your tits and leaving bitemarks here and there. Then he starts the nasty( my mans has a long tongue so itll be fun), doesnt make you cum, nah he likes torturing his victims for a bit and he has the patience of a saint. Prefers doggy style ( big ass man)and gets a little gross and uses spit as lube, but hey its natural. Starts shy, rubbing your sides and gives your ass nice pats and slaps, then looses all control and smashes hard but slowly, you will beg for him to go harder but he loves hearing you tremble just about to cum yet not that close. Beg him, call him daddy, sir,master whatever you want that has some power and hell screw you harder than life. Wants you to cum together and leaves hickeys on your shoulders while he cums. Cuddles and is very doting afterwards.

Spy: Monsier Cassanova here has deflowered enough virgins inhis life to say he is the pro in that field. Makes a sublte note of every little thing you like and makes a plan in his head. Firstly, he gets you some nice lingerie and ( for all safety reasons) gives you the strongest anti-contraceptive he can find ( he has enough kids to create two football teams and have spares for referees and replacements).Then he picks a fancy wine and gets all suave and romantic, yes he wants to fuck but in his mind he is more of a quantity is much better than quality type of guy. Gets started very slowly, french kisses here and there, some good gropes. The secret to make this old man to get riled up really fast is to grope his ass and whisper really nasty styff in his ear ( doesnt matter if english, but itll be a bonus if its french). Hes a suave soft lover in his work, but in reality he is much more like Scout (like son, like father oof). If you do that hell throw you on the couch and get rough and nasty really fast , licks you untill you are about to choke him with your thighs.He will get all ready (special designed condoms by medic) and use special fancy lube to make it as painfull as he can ( not as big as heavy, but he has that mushroom head). Can go for hours, has a lot of stamina and by the end youll be drenched and having a spiritual exerience. Doesn’t expect to cum butif you allow him, oof boy hell have a field day. Once you both have finished he picks you up and runs a hot bath for the both of you, will cuddle later and give you massages and painkillers if he went too far.

#not selling fresh watermelons #all #tf2 x readers #virginity rocks #tf2 imagines #tf2 headcanons

89 notes · View notes

whyarewecalledtheshipname · 3 years ago

Text

kh3, khux, recoded spoilers:

ramblings about unreality, the BoP, and the journal:

ngl i'm hella late to the party and i'm still not super familiar with what ideas and theories have been made regarding khux shit, unreality shit, etc. these are thoughts i had after rewatching recoded.

i know the maleficent/book scene isn't novel, but i wanna ramble about it anyway.

a question i had when listening to some khux talk: is it agreed that MoM made unreality? bc we know he hid there, right. idk how or since when, i'm guessing it's where he originally disappeared to.

But what's our understanding of that scene in the khux finale, where MoM's telling Darkness about the fictional world, the world he couldn't even conceive? Where neither light or darkness rules?

i've only watched that scene a few times, and i'm not clear on whether MoM's talking about the fictional world as if it already exists, or something he's envisioning.

pff i can't even organize my thoughts lmao. So, my guess at this point is that MoM was envisioning/imagining this world where neither light or darkness rules (and where voices and eyes can't reach but idk what dictates THAT particular rule). By simply imagining/thinking of it, i don't think it resulted in that world becoming real. Cause i thought he said something about that idea having to be "realized", but rewatching that specific scene, he doesn’t. If anyone knows for sure if he ever mentioned something like this i’d appreciate confirmation. [EDIT: MoM does specify putting your imagining into realization in the fan translation, which is more direct/literal and often times more accurate than the official localization…🤷🏽‍♀️]

But—IF it's not enough to /just/ think of it, and you do have to literally put it into realization—. My interpretation of what that means is, you know, putting the idea into action. /Making/ it real. Manifesting it. And that can happen any number of ways. Namely, in this case, putting it on paper. In the Book.

THE BOOK, UGH. The recoded scene. I know it kinda basically confirms that the book can create worlds but again i wanna scream about it a little.

But first. So far, i have that idea. Now as for the actual sequence of events, mmm. My brain goes all over the place for that one. Bc before rewatching those scenes, the question took form of "what came first? the chicken or the egg?" bc an idea i had heard was that Verum Rex, the game, could be a documentation of what's going on in unreality. And i've been flip flopping on that.

for me it would depend on whether unreality as we see it was spawned (that's the word i use) as soon as MoM originally thought of it, and wrote it down. Bc then Verum Rex could be made in the image of that world. On the other hand, if Verum Rex is like, 'additional' realization of the /idea/, then that would mean the game came before (most/some of) the world. But i think the first option is more likely.

So MoM conceived the world --> MoM wrote about it in the Book --> the world became real --> SOMEONE made the world into a game

and that gets into my thoughts about who tf has access to unreality, at least to the extent that they can see into it and observe it, and how. and obv, square enix (in kh) made the game. and square enix is literally "the powers that be" so. kinda an obvious option. but anyway.

i covered my main points ig. so time to scream about how tf this even could happen and why. not that i have any actual answers bc how tf could a book make worlds.

recoded. GOD, RECODED. If i didn't already ramble about HOW the Book could make worlds then i'm about to.

idek where to start lmao. Maleficent. she brings up the book, after she and pete have been rescued/released from the datascape.

(And what IS the datascape exactly? WHAT does it encompass? is the datascape in recoded strictly the data made from the journal? like, could there be multiple datascapes based on different source materials, or based in different devices/computers? ????)

“Yes, considering legend has it the book can conjure, making an entire world filled with beings and powers that have yet to exist.”

So that's just there. We've seen this. So this is assuming we can take the legend as (probable) fact. I'm assuming the Book really /can/ make worlds.

this next part about fairy tales i'm including to like cover my bases and see if anyone has thoughts about it bc i have not thought too much about the concept of fairy tales in kh and what it could mean:

“Really? A book that can just make up a world? I don't know. That sounds like nothin' more than fluffy, pink, kids' fairy tale stuff. It just sounds too good to be true"

“Ah, but who’s to say a fairytale’s not true?”

So that's that about fairy tales. (omg cinderella, dreams coming true, true love's kiss, sleeping beauty, WHHHHH--)

“And I ask you, how does that differ from this world they call the ‘date escape’?”

THIS BITCH. (the quote not maleficent lol) I know that early theories and probably current one's still, suggested unreality/quadratum/other-shibuya were data worlds, or something akin to them. and i mean, yeah, i wondered too, bc of the glitchy stuff with sora’s heart station in the secret episode.

but also, like. this whole world manifested "outside" of kh's reality. like, is it even possible that it COULD be /just/ data? As in, could data just exist on it's own like that? (or is there more? if the part of unreality we see /is/ data, is it only the data aspect of a bigger whole? i've seen a theory talk about this, is why i even bring it up)

If what we see of unreality so far is data, like, does that data exist within something? does it /need/ to?

and if unreality is data, like. i feel like it'd have to be different than that data worlds we see in kh. pure guesswork, but i feel like it's /more/ than just data worlds. /Bigger/.

"how does [world created by the BoP] differ from [datascape of the journal]?" thats the thing, too. essentially, what's the difference between the Book, and the journal.

sHEESH i just rambled in my notes. it's a bunch of guesswork, and idk if i should even put it here. gimme a sec.

okay well might as well address this while i’m here. my guess is that there IS no difference. there is no difference between the BoP and fucking jiminy’s journal, ability wise. We know the BoP doesn’t actually predict the future, it was simply written in the past after the future had taken place.

inherently, there’s no difference.

the difference between their CONTENTS however. one accounts the future (that has already happened, this is kinda important imo). the other records the past.

two things they both share. 1) the events in both books already happened 2) we saw them happen. in reality.

just like the past is fixed and unchangeable, so is the future (bc it’s already happened). We know this.

so what ISNT fixed and unchangeable? if literally all of time IS?

fiction.

okay, well, duh.

this is where my ideas become pure assumptions.

my guess is that like i said, neither of these books holds any special power over the other. and if my next guess is right, then neither of these books holds any special power over literally any other book (in kh).

this has no bearing on my main points above. (did MoM not discover unreality, did he THINK of it? i think he did. did MoM write his idea in the BoP? i think he did. did writing it down result in the idea manifesting as a world? i think it did.)

the idea is that ANY book [any MEDIUM, for that matter (books, shows, movies, games)] can create worlds. THIS world (or these, that we’ve seen in the secret ending and secret episode) is just the only one we’ve been shown.

i could not tell you how. and i could not tell you why. the only guess i currently have is that fictional ideas (given a medium) create worlds bc that’s Just How Things Work in kh. like, it’s literally just the laws of physics of kh.

For SOME fucking reason, fictional worlds given a medium spawn real worlds, outside of kh. hence, unreality. (bc they’re outside of kh reality, and bc they’re Not Real. fictional)

What about the BoP and the journal then? The shit in there doesn’t manifest as a separate world because it has already manifested in reality. That’s why i was saying it was important that the future already happened. bc if you wrote about a hypothetical future, not simply recorded the future as witnessed through your time traveling eyeball, then that would therefore be fiction. even if it’s based on the real world, this hypothetical future would not consist of real world events. An AU, basically. like real world=canon, hypothetical future=noncanon (fanfiction oop) (nonfiction vs fiction)

so if you wrote your fake future shit, it would hypothetically spawn as a world in unreality. IF the idea of the creation of worlds through fictional ideas given a medium pans out lmao.

On the other hand, the power to create worlds really could be special to the BoP or MoM himself. but the reason i don’t assume that in the first place is due to his wording in his khux scene.

“If you imagine hard enough, you can make anything a reality.” (maybe it’s just phrasing. maybe only he has the power and he’s just not specifying it but 🤷🏽‍♀️)

this brings me to Pete in kh2 LMAO LEGIT i just remembered that one theory video about how the fuck pete manifested a whole ass time capsule world by WISHING for it. if all it takes is JUST IMAGINING (in the case of fictional ideas) and WISHING (in the case of real world events), that would throw this whole post out the window lmao.

if imagining ISNT enough, and you DO have to go through the step of /realizing/ your idea, by giving it a MEDIUM, then.

and the reason i stick so much to the concept of giving things MEDIUMS is bc of khux. and this is all based on the english versions of the game.

at this point i’m not even connecting random dots, i’m scribbling all over a blank page but. it reminded me of time travel. to time travel, you leave your body behind, resulting in just a heart. to restore the body, the physical form, you need two things at your destination. Someone with memories of you, and a medium.

a mental/non-physical element, and a physical one.

memories could equate to imagining. a medium to restore the physical form could equate to a medium through which to express a fictional idea. and these two things combined results in a physical manifestation. Except one process restores real people in reality, and the other process creates people/places in unreality. (bc worlds don’t time travel or do they oh god)

the likely thing is that these two things aren’t related at all, esp since i’m working with the assumption that the second process even exists.

there’s also this random google definition of the word medium as it relates to computers: “a particular form of storage for digitized information, such as magnetic tape or discs” 🤷🏽‍♀️

another random idea/question regarding the process by which we’ve seen mediums result in worlds. the journal was converted into data with mickeys fucking macbook computer/machine. and that resulted in the worlds and people written about in the journal being recreated as data, hence data worlds and data characters. (and real people can enter data too without necessarily being data themselves but that’s a random note)

would the writings in the BoP require a similar process? or any other book/medium for the matter? obviously it wouldn’t be the exact same process or it’d just result in a data world, and a fictional data world would just be a video game at that point. is writing it at all the process? i mean i already assumed it is but just thinking.

i thought maybe Verum Rex could have been the process for this world specifically. The video game could be the writing converted into data but i don’t think the time aligns. Like, Verum Rex is like the best selling game right now. and MoM conceived and potentially wrote the idea down back in the age of fairy tales. I don’t know what time shenanigans could explain that time gap.

imo the wildest part of this whole thing is just the assumption that writing down a fictional idea results in the creation of a whole ass world in a whole different plane of existence lmao. like i said, i could not guess as to why this would be the case, only that it could just be part of the physics in kh world. Action, reaction. Conception, manifestation.

if anything, this whole concept of ideas becoming worlds would just be a fourth wall thing. get an idea, put it on paper, make worlds. ofc everyone has recognized the meta-ness of all this lmao i’m here trying to rationalize it in-game.

i had more quotes i didn’t add lol, in regards to the similarities between the BoP and the journal. it’s kinda additional stuff about why i do or don’t assume the things i do. (the first maleficent quote is the biggest tho for me)

“Don’t you think it might just be worth our while to search for a connection? Perhaps there’s a link of some sort between that so-called journal of theirs and the Book of Prophecies.”

(“so-called” why this phrasing? is it that maleficent suspects the journal is more than it seems? is it just the eng dialogue or just maleficent’s speech pattern?)

at this point i’m mostly gonna copy/paste my ramblings, so it’s gonna be messier:

So clearly they’re telling us to LOOK for the connections between the journal and the book. is it for proof that the book of prophecies CAN make worlds?

and also, does it make worlds OUTSIDE of kh BECAUSE you can’t change fate? it depends on the power of the book, and what gives it that power. (if it’s a power exclusive to the BoP after all)

lmao admittedly, this can be encapsulated by stuff Spuuky said during one of his streams about how Jiminy’s journal is OP bc you could create literally anything by writing it down bc converting it into data would make it real, and able to directly affect and interact with the real world. And at that point i was like bruh it’s not the journal it’s the machine but??? LMAO ARE THEY SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL, i hate this game

and, another random question, does stuff from unreality manifest in kh? and if it does, does it do it on its own or would someone in kh need to access unreality and carry the ideas back over to kh? i already asked this earlier, and my end assumption for now was that verum rex did NOT just leak into kh by accident, someone brought the idea over. and the reason i don’t think it was MoM is because i’m guessing MoM doesn’t work at square enix in kh (nomura is MoM theories incoming lol). And MoM is hiding in unreality (tho he seems to have been coming back to kh every so often when he sees fit, such as his intervention with xehanort).

imma leave this for now, my thumbs are RIP

5 notes · View notes

beetlemancy · 5 years ago

Note

Not angry venting but more gosh i really dislike that i keep trying to get back into watching live then I see matt making a rules calling that isnt correct and IM annoyed and i hate *that* emotional response, (specifically in this case not letting jester drop conc - which by the rules she is very much allowed to do at anytime), so again not angry venting *at matt* and more gosh i wish i didnt have standards on matt that he has no responsibility to me to keep, but somehow i still care about :(

hey, I’m gonna put the rest of your (relevant) asks and my response to them under this read more for brevity, and encourage anyone who gets up in their feelings about this ask to read the followups because they are far more important for context on this subject - AND please know that these asks were sent before the stuff that went down later in the episode. Also, those reading should take their time because its a wishy washy subject that can get sensitive but this is absolutely done in good faith and I think its important for us to acknowledge these feelings in ourselves when they come up!(also the last time I posted a long ass post like this the format got all wonky after I looked at it on mobile, so if its all one big paragraph - it was not intended to be that way and i’ll fix it soon)

Ask 2-3: just sent that ask and i want to clarify, its not bad matt not being RAW, follow the rules or perish. its more, hes a great dm and making a rules call that disadvantages the players for a reason i can not understand at all makes me feel not happy despite the fact that i know im not a player and this isnt actually effecting me personally, yet i sit here with my negative emotions and idea how to force myself to not feel them :(((((i told myself that was going to be my last ask of the night but for the sake of being clear with you) i also wonder how much of my being upset about being upset is that i dont want to be in the same camp as twitter / reddit ppl who get on matt about rules calls and are cruel to him about it, and just agreeing with their base statement makes me feel like im saying its okay to do that

Mmk. There’s sort of two main subjects I wanna cover: the action and the feeling.The basic truth is that occasionally we get feelings that remind us of the rage of people we do not want to be. This is human, and it happens in life in so many ways, not just in fandom. However, I’ll stick with CR for now. We see the Twitter and Reddit threads that berate Matt and the players for rule issues and we think, we would never be that up in our feelings, right? But it is so much less about what we feel and more about what our actions are.

The people who make those posts? Some of them are full of so much hate for something that they just use this as an opportunity to lash out. Others are genuinely trying to be helpful and just don’t understand the concept that they are not the only person on the internet and that often times one person saying something is benign but that hundreds of people saying it is malicious. Sometimes people might not even feel that much about the subject but want to join the fight because its something to do or because their peers/friends are.

What defines the result of ANY rules lawyering post online is not the reason they made the post, though, is it? Its simply that they did. Their intent doesn’t really matter that much - a post was still made, and posts were made on top of that post, and those posts, and now we’ve got a flame war - intent be damned.

By the same nature, if you don’t make that post? It doesn’t matter what your feelings are on the topic. You choose to not add to that noise. Take that win and feel good about it! (btw, sending someone an ask to parse through your feelings on the subject isn’t ‘making that post’ either)

Okay. Now - about the feelings.

I’m honestly with you there and have been the last few combat scenarios. I’ve noticed myself wondering if Matt is getting more and more ‘me vs them’ in his combat DM style because it feels that way to me. I’m guessing that a lot of my discomfort also has to do with my inherent sense of black-and-white Fairness - being Autistic comes with that privilege for a lot of us. ADHD Cousins can get theirs in maroon I think, but they have to order it special. ;)

I grapple a lot with my feelings on combat in CR when it does start to feel antagonistic or unfair to one or more players (or sometimes even Matt himself!). Here is what I do: well, for one, compartmentalize until the next day or two. CR brings up a lot of feelings. Its a lot of story and I get super immersed. The emotions are high for everyone during a good episode, sometimes especially during combat, and so I allow myself the cool down time before I really look at it again.

After that time, if I still feel the same way and it still bugs me, I watch stuff where they talk about how much they love each other. I play that clip of Liam saying ITS A GAME! over and over. I get super in deep with the Critmas vids or another Talks episode I really love. That’s what helps me kick it, in the end. The visual and auditory reminder that these are friends and sometimes friends have a little tension when they are all in a state of high adrenaline but that they clearly would not do this if it wasn’t fun for them anymore.

I do have a buddy of mine that is really hardcore Justice. He is, straight up, like Justice from Dragon Age. The guy is Fairness with a capital F, and his method of dealing is different from mine: he doesn’t watch combat from any TTRPG show. He just avoids it, because he doesn’t wanna be That Guy on reddit, but the intensity with which he feels the call to correct wrongs is very strong. He takes himself out of the equation, reads a recap or asks friends, and then can engage healthily with the RP and the story outside of combat. Its a good system for him.

Maybe you can find a method similar to either of these options? Maybe you just need a healthy place to vent about it. For that, I’d suggest a discord or a friend (or me off anon and then I won’t publish if you ask me not to! or send me a pm!). Or perhaps you need to reevaluate how you watch CR and what you’re willing to give up in order to not feel this way. Or maybe binge watching some quality CR wholesomeness will help those feelings dampen. Either way, you are not Wrong for feeling. We just have to watch our actions.

#cr spoilers #long post #Anonymous #reelings

23 notes · View notes

from-the-clouds · 5 years ago

Text

Everything You’ve Come To Expect -- Quentin Beck/Reader

Masterlist

Summary: A former employee of Stark Industries hides in solitude from her past, until she is forced to confront it years later. After all the time away, she realizes still hasn’t recovered from her heartbreak.

Words: 1.7k

A/N: Listen, this isnt probably canonically accurate, but I’m convinced Quentin is still alive. This might be trash, but also...I might turn this into a mini-series if you’re interested. Let me know if you’d like to be tagged!

****

The nights were peaceful. Silent. In the middle of the wilderness, she could make out all the constellations, scattered across the sky like jewels in a display case. Every star was visible out here, she’d never been able to see them amongst the light-polluted sky of the city. And she was completely alone. This was how it was supposed to be.

So when she was curled up on her couch with a book, a fire burning in her hearth only a few feet away, eyelids heavy as she dozed off, the knock on the door startled her. Of course, she wasn’t completely alone. A mile down the road was her closest neighbor, and she occasionally had visitors. But she was far from her past, that was what mattered.

She approached the door with caution, and contemplated retrieving the old pistol she owned, just to be safe. But, she knew she was just being paranoid. After all, she’d managed several years of safety. Anyone still searching for her had given up by now. Right?

So when she opened the door, and saw the face of a man absent from her life for what felt like ages, she almost instinctively slammed it back in his face. But he reached out, stopping her.

“Wait, Y/N please,” he said. “Please, I can explain,” his hand gripped the end of the door, eyes pleading, voice cracking in desperation.

Questions spun through her mind, a million emotions stormed inside of her, and she decided to dwell on anger, annoyance. She couldn’t betray herself and allow anything else. “What do you want, Quentin?” she asked.

“Five minutes, please,” he said. “That’s all I ask, and if you want to send me away, you can.”

Her chest was heaving, she wasn’t expecting to see him ever again. It took a few breaths before she made her decision, even if she knew it wasn’t the smartest. With one hand, she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Fine. Five minutes.”

Opening the door a foot or two wider, she jerked her head and he muttered apologies as he scurried past. She took a sweeping view of her front yard, satisfied when she could make out no other figures in the darkness, and finally turned to focus on Quentin.

What she hadn’t seen as he stood on the dim porch was apparent now. Face riddled with scratches and blood, hair unkempt, eyes bloodshot, all areas of his exposed skin now covered in bruises and marks. And despite all this, he was still horribly handsome.

“I got into some trouble,” his mouth twisted in a half smile, which disappeared quickly as she crossed her arms.

“Clearly,” she said. “And at whose expense?”

“No one’s hurt. I promise.” He shook his head. “I need your help, Y/N.”

Over the years, she’d made a point to avoid the news in general, but particularly anything involving Quentin. It was too painful. To her relief, she’d never heard much about him anyways. But based on how he looked right now, he clearly was up to something. No good, she suspected.

“Sit down,” she instructed, eyeing the bruise forming at the corner of his eye. She was still weary, and could hear it in her voice. “Let me get you something to drink, we’ll clean you up a little bit.”

She cursed under her breath the moment she entered the kitchen. What was she thinking, letting him into her home like this? Where was her resolve? She’d thought after all these years she’d built up a resistance to not become a complete idiot if he’d ever come back into her life, but she hadn’t expected him to show up looking like a kicked puppy, defeated and tired. All she wanted to do was comfort him. And she was angry with herself for being so empathetic, so desperate.

When she returned to the living room with a cup of tea, first aid kit and an icepack, Quentin was walking around the perimeter of her living room, taking in the minimal decorations, peering out her front window. The cabin was small, and rundown when she’d first bought it, but she’d worked hard renovating it over the years, until it finally felt like a home. She cleared her throat and he jumped with a start, closing the curtain that looked out to her front yard, and giving her a weak smile.

“I made you tea,” she said flatly.

Quentin approached her with some hesitance, until she finally sat down across from him on the couch. Her hands tangled together for a brief moment in her lap, rubbing the base of her ring finger absentmindedly. She eyed him carefully, every detail and fine line of his visage. Not much had changed, though his features may have become a bit more defined. Full lips she once drank from with unbridled fervor, deep blue eyes that had first captured her own in stolen glances at one another across the lab. It was still him.

Then something occurred to her. Without a second thought, she reached out, pressed her hand to the center of his chest, and felt him, warm and solid under her touch. “So it’s really you,” she said. “You’re not playing tricks on me.”

Quentin swallowed hard, his hand grasping hers as she moved to pull away. His touch was firm and steady, though his palms were rough. “I’d never do that. Not to you.”

The technology she’d helped him create, what had caused all this in the first place. He’d never used it to take advantage of her, to trick her. If anything. His first experiments had simulated sunsets on a Carribean beach, the quiet solitude of a moss-covered forest, and rolling, green hills covered with flowers. Anything he thought was romantic that he could dream up, he took her there. And she knew, before she left, that he didn’t have the best intentions, but he was right about that. He’d never used it to manipulate her.

And she wasn’t sure if it was better that he was really here or not, his hand wrapped around hers, his fingers now threading through the spaces in between her own. If he pulled her closer, she wasn’t sure she could resist him.

This isn’t the man you fell in love with. She forced herself to remember. After they’d gotten fired from Stark Industries, he’d changed. He was distant, vengeful. It was a slow change, slow enough that it took her awhile to realize what his intentions where. Ultimately, he’d broken her heart. He’d hurt her. And she ran.

Y/N looked down at their intertwined hands, frowning when she saw the golden wedding band on his ring finger. Recoiling in disgust, she pulled back, released him. Quentin removed the offending object as she opened her mouth to object. “It’s not real,” he said. “I promise you, it was all a part of the plan, I forgot to take it off.”

Studying him carefully, Y/N narrowed her eyes. His hand had come to rest on her shoulder, he was leaning forward, closer to her than she wanted for ideal focus. She knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t lying. He’d always been a bad liar. Well, convincing to others, but never to her. “It’s not like it matters, anyways,” she stated bluntly.

Quentin’s jaw clenched at her words, and Y/N was startled by how good it felt to see him hurt, even if it was just for a brief moment. Because within the next few seconds, she was lifting the icepack to the side of his face, gingerly pressing it against his eye, placing his hand over top it. “Keep that there.”

She didn’t want to ask questions, despite how quickly they were firing through her brain. So she worked in silence, cleaning the cuts and bruises on his face and body. It was clear he was tired. He hunched over slightly, undereyes puffy and eyelids drooping, even though he kept a steady gaze on her as she worked.

“Well,” she said, once she was finished. “We have a lot of talking to do, but I’d rather do it after a full night’s sleep. You can stay in my spare bedroom.”

“Are you sure?”

“No,” she answered. “But you need rest.”

Quentin rose from the couch alongside her, followed her down the hall to a linen cabinet, where she retrieved a couple towels and some oversized clothes that would likely fit him. “Take a shower, go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Quentin nodded as she gestured to the spare room, which he entered, hesitantly moving to close the door behind him. When she turned her back, she was surprised to feel a hand clasp gingerly around her upper arm. “Y/N,” he said. “Thank you.”

Turning her head, she looked at him over her shoulder. He was expectant, waiting. “You’re welcome,” she muttered.

“It’s….it’s really good to see you,” he said, hesitant. He was looking at her again, his eyes warm and insistent. And she couldn’t tell if he was manipulating her, or being honest. Somehow, sincerity would be worse, she thought. She was angry.

But she was mostly frustrated with herself. Because the easiest thing to do would be pitch herself into his arms, nuzzle her face in his neck, let him tell her it would all be okay. Why was that easier than pretending she didn’t care? To act cold? It was delusional. She’d so desperately wanted things to work between them, she had her whole future planned out with him. And it was pulled from underneath her. And all these years had apparently done nothing to quelm how badly she still believed things would work out.

****

Quentin stared at the door long after she’d closed it. There was a solid chance he wasn’t doing the right thing. But despite her cold, he knew he couldn’t be vulnerable, or at home with anyone else. Though he wasn’t quite ready for everything that was associated with seeing her again.

She’d left him suddenly. With almost no explanation. And he had been angry, for a long time. But now he was beginning to think he hadn’t understood before. Maybe it had been harder to cut herself away than she’d made it seem. Tonight, she’d appeared conflicted. And she was still beautiful as ever. And sweet as ever, despite her clear reservations.

He needed a place to regroup, rethink. Coming here was probably not the solution. If anything, it only complicated his current situation. But now, he wasn’t sure if he could take himself away. After all these years, maybe he deserved to be selfish.

Part II

308 notes · View notes

notsopersonalcharlie · 6 years ago

Text

Existing Beautifully

Spencer Reid x Reader

Spencer hates being in pictures, but he somehow ends up on a famous photography blogger’s page for "existing beautifully" only these pictures were taken of him naked in the morning light. JJ and Garcia are on the case.

Notes: MGG being a beautiful human really helps my ability to get these out at a timely fashion. photo isnt mine

Garcia typed in her password, JJ sitting against her back desk.

“So I have all the ideas on my Pinterest board. He’s going to love his new room, I promise that much.” Penelope pulled open the website and it opened to her homepage, which was mostly colorful animals, glittery pens, and weird angle photography. So in short, it was Penelope. She moved her mouse to the corner and was about to click when JJ dove for her hand, taking the mouse and navigating to something else.

“Hey! Don’t disrespect my baby like that.”

“Penelope, look at this.” JJ had clicked on a picture of a man’s back, bare and covered with sheets.

“What about it? Don’t tell me you and Will broke up!” JJ hit her on the arm.

“No, look at that bedding and the scar on his neck. That’s Spencer.” Garcia frowned, examining the photo again. They had been to Spencer apartment hundreds of times, several times just so they could make sure he was okay and cleaning up his apartment. Which meant washing his bedding and on occasion forcing him to shower.

“You’re saying you think that’s him?”

“No, I’m saying I know that’s him. Who is this person?” Garcia reclaimed the mouse and opened the page of the person who had posted the picture. It led back to a blog called RightAngels. The name seemed to be a play on words because the page was filled with photos of all different kinds of people. One of the most recent stacks of pictures was of what appeared to be the same person, never showing his face, but it was very clearly Spencer. The name of the stack was Existing Beautifully and the caption was “I want to thank this man for existing beautifully despite what we go through every day”.

“That has to be him.” JJ’s phone pinged and she looked at it.

“Damnit, we have a case. Find out who this is?”

“Legally or illegally?” JJ seemed to actually consider the question.

“Start with legally. I’ll try to talk it out of Spencer. If I can’t, we can start on illegally.”

Spencer was late to the briefing room, later than he usually was considering he could count exactly how long it would take to get from his apartment door to the round room. JJ raised an eyebrow at him, which he ignored, and Garcia started on the briefing.

-/-/-/-

“What have you found out?” JJ asked, sitting in Garcia’s chair. The techie huffed but maneuvered around her friend.

“RightAngels has no public information listed, but this is what I concocted in my computers of potions. The owner of the blog lives in the DC area based off their photographs. There’s lots of distinguishable backgrounds and a lot of shots from protests, which says something about this person. I couldn’t determine the writing style, I guessed that the BAU resident boy genius is the only one who could figure that one out. Someone around Spencer’s age, living in the DC area, and definitely has a day job that involves a camera.” JJ looked curious at that.

“The photos are all shot at different times of day, but all of them are uploaded later at night, which means that they have access to their camera, but they can’t post personally during the day.” JJ nodded and then stood up.

“I’m going over to his place.”

“Without asking? You know that won’t go over well.” JJ stood, considering, and walked out of Garcia's office. They had just gotten back from a case, but the team had fled like rats off a sinking ship as soon as they hit the ground in Virginia. Will would be expecting her home soon.

-/-/-/-

You frowned when there was a knock on Spencer's door. You were waiting for him to get home with the takeout you ordered, but he wouldn't knock. Maybe his hands were full. Spencer’s door didn’t have a peephole, which didn’t make any sense to you because he was paranoid enough about his safety as it was, so you opened the door with the chain on it. A pretty blonde was standing outside, curiosity in her eyes.

“Hi, how can I help you?” you asked.

“Is Spencer home?” You paused. Could this be someone Spencer didn’t want in the house? Or was it one of his friends? He didn’t talk much about work, and you figured the less you knew the better. But you did know all his friends by name.

“No, but I can let him know you stopped by. Your name?”

“Uhm... no need. I’ll catch him tomorrow at work.” She was about to walk away when curiosity got the best of you too. You closed the door, slid the chain, and then opened it again.

“You work with Spencer?” The woman turned in surprise.

“Yes.”

“Are you... Emily?” She shook her head with a laugh.

“No, I’m JJ.” Your face must have lit up because she smiled back at you.

“Come on in. He doesn’t really tell me much about his life, I think he’s worried it’ll scare me off.” JJ frowned when the woman turned and led the way back into the house.

“So you know what Spencer does?” You had offered her something to drink, which she declined, and sat across from her in the den. Spencer didn’t have a TV, just two mismatched couches and an armchair that sat across from each other in a triangle around an old coffee table. JJ was sitting in the armchair and you’d curled your feet under you on the loveseat.

“Uhm yeah, FBI is all he says. Sorry about the prints, I’m trying to organize for a showing.” JJ shook her head.

“You’re here for a reason?” you asked, suddenly realizing she hadn’t exactly had a clear message to give Spencer. She paused and mulled over her words. You waited, Spencer’s pauses usually lasted a few seconds, but his brain was huge and he could get his thoughts together on the fly. You’d never met anyone who could do that. Till Spencer of course.

“A couple days ago I saw something you posted of Spencer on your blog. I found it on Pinterest. I figured it was just someone who looked like Spencer, but-”

“The scar, damnit. I knew I should have gotten better lighting.” JJ’s head tilted to the side.

“Sorry! I was trying to keep it as anonymous as possible. He told me not to post pictures of his face. Said it could be dangerous. Continue. Please.” A smile slid across JJ’s face.

“What?”

“You’re just like him. Perfect for him from what I can tell. He never told us about you. I was coming here to confront him, but you were already here.”

“His apartment is way more conducive to work. I live with two roommates and Saturdays are party nights.” JJ laughed.

“And besides, we talked about not telling the team for a while. We thought about saying something a few weeks ago, four months in, but he had a case and I had to be on call during the New Year, so we missed it by a mile.” JJ leaned back, seemed to survey you, and the nodded.

“I won’t bother you any more. I’ll talk to Spencer later.” You stopped her by waving a hand.

“He’s going to be back any minute now. He stopped on his way home to grab some food. Plus you seem like you have more questions.” JJ smiled.

“Profiler rubs off doesn’t it?” You laughed a little bit.

“He does it to everyone I take pictures of. That’s actually why I started taking them of him. He can’t get mad about it if it’s him.”

“How did you two meet?”

“I was doing shots at a book convention in a bookstore he goes to all the time, the one in Georgetown with the big windows in the front?” JJ nodded, she’d picked Spencer up from there on numerous occasions.

“Well he was just sitting in the corner being a perfect subject so I got some shots and then went to tell him I took them. I have to, some liability thing. He told me his name and I gave him my phone number because I had to get going. He texted me and we talking about the photos and well... we started dating.” JJ smiled at the thought of Spencer sitting in the back of a store and jumping when he heard the shutter of a camera. A key rattled in the door and Spencer walked in toting his satchel and a large brown bag.

“Hey (Y/N)... JJ?”

“She saw some pictures of you online and stopped by to ask about them,” you explained, going to help him with the food. JJ got up and made her way to the door. As she did, she stopped at Spencer and gave him a hug.

"Keep her around." Spencer smiled and JJ left. Spencer locked the door behind her and turned to find arms wrapped around him. He rested his chin on your head and smiled.

"Thank you for existing beautifully."

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #notsopersonalcharlie #charliewrites

490 notes · View notes

candyclan · 6 years ago

Text

My HONEST opinion of Kalvin Garrah

Kalvin talks about how the reaction videos he does are purely based off his opinions and they aren’t meant to actually hurt people. While I feel like yes, that may not be his intent, he takes information from what he thinks he knows about them from what they say and draws wrongful conclusions. He applies the logic “well if you were really trans, you’d do XYZ” which is honestly not okay. Just because he feels like “he’s protecting the trans community” doesn’t give him the right to invalidate people he’s never even seen or talked to irl. That being said, I do think he is correct that there are people who do not experience dysphoria and therefore do not have a legitimate reason to transition (physically) who do, and realize it’s a mistake (that’s why there’s detransition videos out there). This is tragic, and honestly, could very well reflect badly on our community because of how conservatives may take it.

Kalvin promotes the idea that seeing a psychologist is SO important before physically transitioning and altering your body in PERMANENT ways. He also promotes that before settling on “Yup I’m trans” you should rule out every other possible explanation for issues with your body: like body dysmorphia or an eating disorder etc. I feel as if he has contempt for people who are identifying as transgender and don’t actively try to alleviate their dysphoria. I agree with a lot of people who are fairly neutral on this topic that there isn’t a really clear cut defined definition of what dysphoria feels like other than “discomfort” toward gendered aspects of what you were assigned at birth. For Kalvin because his dysphoria is so strong, he uses it as an identifier of his trans identity and an UN-identifier for others. Just because he experiences an extreme does not mean every trans person experiences that extreme as well, and it could be a manageable discomfort, almost like a paper cut (while still uncomfortable, and totally legitimate) compared to a bullet wound in his case.

Because dysphoria is so subjective, it isn’t fair to label someone as a “transtrender” just entirely and solely on how someone looks on the outside. They may have a higher sense of self-esteem than Kalvin did because of how heavily his dysphoria affects him. This may mean that while they identify genuinely as being trans and probably do actually experience dysphoria (even minor) they choose their preferred gender expression over the idea of “passing”. I understand this because I actually have some really stereotypical “feminine clothes” that actually cause me dysphoria to wear but I wear them anyway cause fuck people. The reason I have such a soft heart towards him is because he and I have a shit ton of things in common and also I watched him cry on his YouTube channel. Legit sob. I see his human in all of this. I see his flawed thinking, and his less than perfect expectations of “gender presentation” as a reflection of his own internal monologue “well I can’t wear this because it makes me look girly”

While I have those thoughts too, a LOT, I never project them on to people the way he does in the videos he makes of the “transtrenders” <—- the reason I put this in quotes is because I hate that word (and he admits he hates it too) there should be a nicer way of politely saying you used to identify as trans or thought you were, but actually aren’t. “Transtrenders” has such a negative base to it because it implies the individuals gender identity is illegitimate and perhaps a phase. While I actually do think there are people who may be confused and do mistakenly identify as being transgender, we should never imply another person is this because that’s FUCKED UP. ESPECIALLY IF YOU DONT PERSONALLY KNOW THAT PERSON TO A HEAVY EXTENT. Claiming, like Kalvin does, to have the “criteria to know if someone else is trans” is fucking bullshit. He makes a good point about it being in our brains and there ARE actually studies that prove that is a legitimate thing, he pushes so hard for it to be seen as a mental health issue so “Real Trans People™️” can be provided healthcare. He has correlated it to a mental health issue, and while I personally think: “Idgaf what it’s called just let me have it covered through insurance.” The fact that you would never in a million years tell someone they aren’t depressed/have anxiety because their symptoms aren’t as bad as yours or they don’t experience it the same way, that’s literally what he’s doing to trans people AND IT is FUCKED.

All of that aside, I didn’t know what being a transmed really was until I saw his videos. I didn’t have any real idea how little sense it made that if you don’t have dysphoria...how can you be trans? I hate how there’s such a stigma on the internet about how dysphoria is rooted in EXTREME MEGA DISCOMFORT when in reality, I can safely say in complete confidence that I didn’t have that huge issue like he did. I have top dysphoria but not so much bottom (unless I’m on shark week and then wellllll....death 0.0) ITS okay to not “hate” what you were given, and be in a better mind space about it than other people because WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT and experience dysphoria in different ways and we are all valid as fuck. I feel as if because so many people can experience body dysphoria and social dysphoria in so many ways literally in as many ways as there are people, in order for it to be considered a mental health issue and be covered by insurance there’s this push to try to come up with what dysphoria ISNT instead of the variety of experiences that is gender dysphoria.

So, in general, my thing is, only the individual can really tell (just like in depression and anxiety) whether or not they’re dysphoric based off their own feelings they have toward their AGAB and how it affects them. It’s almost as if he’s just like every other asshole out there that thinks their opinion matters because they’ve gone through SO MANY STEPS to be trans. His transtrender videos really are demonetized, and he claims to not do it for clickbait or shock factor to get people to watch it and that it’s his raw, unfiltered opinion about an issue he actually genuinely does care about a lot. I personally think the videos need to be taken down because it makes him look so much worse than he really is, and honestly what if the person that he’s talking about in those videos actually was trans and they killed themselves because of the hate his supporters dished. Showing their channel and saying that they don’t have dysphoria (in Kalvin’s eyes) labels them a target to abuse from the people that support Kalvin, whether or not that is his intent. I understand why this could upset someone. This upsets me. I feel a personal connection to someone that is using legitimate facts and points to validate his conclusion that some are worthy (that fit his personal idea of what being trans is) and some aren’t (those that don’t) this being said: That is not all that he is, I promise you. I believe “transtrender” is a thing dear god I’m highly uncomfortable with that word but there isn’t another one to use. I would never LABEL someone a transtrender under any circumstances because to do so would be honestly disrespectful to that persons identity and honestly denying their right to explore who they are. So what if you think you’re trans and then realize later that you weren’t??? As long as you didn’t medically transition, you literally didn’t do anything but explore who you are. It is never okay in my mind to label someone as that, especially if you don’t personally believe in how the person chooses to identify because like I said there’s as many ways to experience dysphoria and a disconnect towards your AGAB as there are people. It comes in different severities and different people prioritize change towards specific parts moreso than others.

That being said if you know you are 1000000% comfortable with your assigned gender at birth (not just learned to tolerate certain things/choose to accept the hand you’re dealt or live with it like me and my vag- how some trans people can), why would identify as being transgender? It’s when this “choice to go with the hand your dealt thing” really gets to Kalvin because he can’t imagine is transition being without the whole kitten kaboodle. Is perception of his gender honestly is a huge reason he can’t see why non-binary AFAB people could ever learn to embrace/tolerate certain aspects of their body. I don’t think he fully understands that binary gender roles that may moreso apply to TRANSGUYS don’t apply to non-binary people.

Non-binary people literally do not identify with one gender binary over another, so Kalvin has a hard time understanding them. It is important to note however, he still respects people even if he doesn’t understand. If he didn’t respect non-binary people as a whole, he would be preaching about how “non-binary isn’t even a thing” because he tends to NEED to think in logical terms with facts and data like the similar brain thing (mtf brains=more like cis female ftm=more like cis males) it becomes hard for him to understand the struggles of non-binary people. Non-binary people don’t fit his “mold” so to speak. Perhaps it’s because he once was a “non-binary SJW” in the past and then pulled a 180 and turned into this literal person that tells other people they aren’t trans even though he’s never met them irl and knows next to nothing about them. It’s funny how he claims that detransitioners turn into TERFS when his transition, which was supposed to help his mental state (perhaps it did idk), had him go from non-binary to low key for all intents and purposes a gatekeeper. He from his perspective claims to know it all because he’s trans. Consider this analogy: being transgender is like trauma. People can be united in that they suffer from it or that it affects them, but everyone’s situation is unique amongst all others so everyone has different “triggers”. I’m sorry if this analogy offended you it’s just I was trying to make sense of it the best I could in my mind

@kalvingarrah

#kalvin garrah #ftm #nonbinary #mtf #trans #transgender #discourse #dysphoria #opinion #candyclan #cisknight #truscum #tucute #upset

24 notes · View notes

justheretobreakthings · 6 years ago

Text

Remember Me - Chapter 14

(First Chapter) (Previous Chapter) (Next Chapter)

Word Count: 5,504 (Total Word Count: 57,367) Read on AO3

Story Summary:

It was strange enough for the paladins of Voltron to have found another human this far from home, locked in a Galra prison. But it was stranger still when this human insisted that he knew them, and even that he was the former red paladin of Voltron.

That couldn’t possibly be true, could it? After all, if this Keith was actually a part of the Voltron team, then why does nobody remember him?

Chapter Preview:

“Keith,” Allura snapped. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Saving the stupid mission, what’s it look like I’m doing?” Keith shot back.

“You were supposed to stay on the bridge with Coran!”

“Whoops,” Keith said drily. “Guess I forgot. Lance, on your eleven.”

“On my - hey!” Lance yelped, veering Red away as Keith sped by mere inches from her port flank. “Watch where you’re flying!”

“How’re things looking, Pidge?”

“Well, the intel holds true. We’re definitely getting readings in line with the ones the rebels sent us.”

“And you’re sure it’s quintessence?”

“Either that or the most bizarre new form of static cling ever discovered.”

Allura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she frowned up at the screen where imaging from the Green Lion’s viewport was being projected back into the bridge, where the other paladins stood gathered, watching intently. “Pidge,” Allura said, “What have I told you about being sarcastic when reporting to base?”

“Hard to say, princess, I tend to tune you out when we get onto that topic.”

“Pidge,” Shiro said, tone scolding.

“Sorry. In any case, there’s definitely readings of quintessence on this ship, but it’s also definitely… different.”

“Different how?” Allura asked. “Different like the quintessence the Blade’s been trailing?”

“No, see here.” The view on the screen switched to Pidge’s helmet cam, and she pointed to a readout on her dashboard. “There’s no pattern to the energy surges. The quintessence that the Blade found in connection to Lotor had different energy readings than the ones we have on record from that druid lab we found way back when, but they were still regular. This stuff here, though, it’s like - it seems… unstable.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re moving around in Green,” Lance suggested. “Like, you know, you’re getting closer and farther to the ship, so the reading’s weird?”

“No, Lance,” Pidge sighed. “That’s not it.”

“Well, we can’t know that for sure until - ”

“Yes, we can. Distance doesn’t affect how Green picks up quintessential residue. She releases a signal toward a pre-calculated epicenter on the targeted area that remains completely static regardless of - ”

“Never mind,” Lance said. “I just decided you know what you’re doing.”

“Oh, goody, I feel validated.”

“Could whatever’s creating the quintessence energy be being actively altered right now?” Shiro asked. “Perhaps there’s a working lab in that ship?”

“Doubtful,” Coran spoke up. “Not with that make of ship. It’s a cargo ship, for one thing, but beyond that, it looks to be modeled after the Galra’s old Lexell-N-13 ships. Wonderful stability in the engine room, but notoriously terrible at maintaining internal gravity levels. A dreadful place to be doing precision lab work.”

“So, what are we looking at, then?” Allura asked.

“Transporting supplies, no doubt,” Coran answered. “Whatever’s leaving the quintessence traces may be what’s being experimented upon.”

“Not sure if that really gives us the greatest well of answers as to what the druids have been up to,” Keith commented from the back of the group. “Not if we don’t get access to their process in action, I mean.” This was the first he had spoken since Allura had told them about the signal the rebel group had picked up. Amid their wormholing to the coordinates and sending Pidge out in her cloaked Green Lion to scout out the ship the rebels had come across, he had remained quiet, intently focused.

“Perhaps not the greatest,” Coran replied, “But still useful. We can certainly glean information from whatever is being transported, both the cargo itself and inventory logs, and if they’re keeping travel records, we could use those to find out where the ship is coming from and where it’s going - two other locations that would be immense resources to us.”

Shiro nodded. “All right. Princess, your call: are we looking at an infiltration mission here?”

“That would probably be the best course of action,” Allura answered.

Lance lifted his hand in question. “Should we go for hijacking the ship while we’re down there? I’m just thinking, if this stuff important to Witch Lady, probably would be helpful to keep it from getting to checkpoint B, right?”

“Not in this case, no,” said Allura. “If we’re able to get information about the ship’s docking points, we’re going to want to be able to go investigate them afterward. As long as we’re stealthy and don’t impede the ship’s route, they won’t know we’re coming. If we interfere with them though, or if they’re able to send off any communication that something’s gone wrong en route, they’ll have time to clear the evidence. And if that prison was anything to go by, it seems that’s something at which the druids are quite adept.”

“All right,” Shiro said with a brisk nod. “I could join Pidge, and we can go down in Green and try and make our way into the ship.”

“Sounds good,” Allura said. “Lance, be on standby in Red in case they need help making a quick exit. Hunk and I can ready Blue and Yellow in case any shots start firing, and we can regroup once you’re either finished, or if a battle situation erupts.”

“What should I do?” Keith asked as the others started toward their ziplines.

Allura paused mid-step. “What - what should you do?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Should I ride down with someone, or do we have any cruisers to spare, or…?”

“Right. Right.” Allura cleared her throat. “Well, actually, er, it - it would probably be very helpful to have an extra set of eyes here on the bridge to, say, keep an eye on - ”

“Uh-huh,” Keith cut her off, and Lance could practically see him physically deflating. “Yeah, I’m sure that’ll be helpful.”

Allura sighed. “Keith, this isn’t a matter of you not being helpful, it’s - ”

“I just figured, you know, this is sort of my mission too, isn’t it?” Keith asked. “I mean, we’re - we’re looking into this ship because it’s a lead on, um, my - my, uh, my whole… deal, with Haggar, and I thought - ”

“Keith - ”

“And like I’ve already told you, I’ve got experience with infiltration missions, so I know what I - ”

“Keith,” Shiro said. He had doubled back toward him from his path toward the zipline, and he set his hand on Keith’s shoulder, turning the smaller man slightly to look him in the face. “I promise you, this isn’t anything personal. I’m sure you’d do just fine on a mission. But right now, we just need to do this quickly and efficiently, and that’s going to be more difficult if there’s an unfamiliar element in the mix, you know? We’re, ah, used to the current Voltron dynamic, we know how to work off of it.”

Keith bit at his lower lip for a moment before dropping his gaze and nodding. “Right, sorry,” he mumbled. “I hadn’t thought of - I’ll, uh, stay here with Coran.” Shiro smiled and patted his shoulder before moving away.

“Oh, I’m honored to have the companionship!” Coran said, brightly and just a little too loudly to be perfectly natural, before throwing his arm around Keith’s shoulder and tugging him toward the mission control screens. “Don’t know how many of these instruments you’re familiar with, so let me give you a quick rundown!”

He began an enthusiastic tutorial of the various monitors and buttons, and the other paladins took the opportunity to start toward the ziplines again. Lance shuffled over to walk beside Shiro. “You know,” he whispered. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” Shiro asked.

“Like, give Keith a whole speech if he doesn’t like an order? I know you’ve never been big on pulling rank, but, I mean, you and Allura are in charge, right?”

Shiro shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt anything. ‘Specially when he’s still not in the greatest state mentally and all.”

“He’s a lot better on that mark lately. It just doesn’t seem - ”

“Gotta split up here, Lance,” Shiro said, gesturing toward the zipline entrances.

Lance huffed out a breath. “Right,” he grunted, parting ways with Shiro and moving toward his own zipline. He could let the matter drop. It wasn’t as if he actually cared about whether Shiro was coddling Keith too much. It just had seemed worth a mention.

That’s all.

He slid down the zipline and into Red’s waiting cockpit, and from there he flew out of the hangar to wait, and it was easy to put any concerns about how Shiro was handling Keith to the back of his mind. Red had a way of keeping him focused during a mission. Lance wasn’t sure if it was just the thrill that came with being in the pilot seat, or if the Red Lion’s own keenness and confidence were contagious. Probably the latter, if he were to be honest. And it was something he wouldn’t trade away for the world.

He waited for the others to get their places situated; Allura and Hunk were flanking Black on the way down so Shiro could move into Green for the infiltration itself, and keeping the lion covered until Shiro could return to the pilot’s seat. Once Shiro had made his move, he tailed Green along back toward the Galra ship, keeping his distance.

“Found what looks to be a good entry point over beneath this wing,” Pidge said into the comms. “I can keep Green’s cloaking on and dock her. Lance, keep an eye out on the exterior and be ready in case we need to use a different exit point.”

“Roger,” Lance said. He started Red on a wide swingaround to the other side of the Galra ship, keeping his eyes peeled all the while for any activity.

“You got any schematics you can send my way, Coran?”

“Got some for the old Lexell-N-13,” Coran answered. “Not sure it will be precisely the same as this ship, but should give you a good guideline.”

“Pass ‘em over,” Pidge said. “Long as an access point to their security network’s in roughly the same place, I’m good to go.”

Lance kept his position in the air, and the others were quiet over their comms as they waited before Shiro said softly, “Disembarking Green now.”

“Got you on my radar, Shiro,” Lance said, pulling up the thermal imaging scope on Red’s dashboard and focusing onto the entry site Pidge had pointed out earlier, where two bright blurs indicated Shiro and Pidge’s presence. “Think your coast is clear.”

“All right, I’ll make my way toward security,” Pidge said. “Assuming that these schematics are accurate?”

“I’m eighty percent sure that they are,” Coran said.

“Good enough. Okay, Shiro, quintessence reading’s mostly centered farther back along the cargo bay toward the aft fuselage. Start heading that way, I’ll monitor you?”

“Already on it,” Shiro said.

Lance watched as the two blurs from their heat signatures parted and took off, tracking them until they started overlapping with others on the ship in connecting hallways. At that point he minimized the thermal vision on his dashboard and brought Red around to monitor from behind the cover of one of the ship’s elevons.

“At the security bank,” Pidge said after a few doboshes, “How’s everyone holding up?”

“Hunk and I are holding steady out here, Pidge,” Allura replied.

“Same here,” Lance said.

“Think I’m gonna need a hand, actually,” Shiro said. “Door’s not responding to my arm.”

“Shit, hang on, I don’t see any alarm raised or anything, so what did - ”

“It didn’t light up red or sound an alarm, it was just unresponsive. Seems like it’s turned off.”

“All right, hang on, let me get that powered back up for you.” There was quiet for a few moments before Pidge said, “Uh, Shiro, what door are you trying to open?”

“The cargo bay entrance? Why?”

“Well, I’m looking, and I can’t find any entrance to the cargo bay.”

“What?”

“Like, there’s definitely a cargo hold here on the ship, got official schematics here in the security bank, but I can’t… figure out how to get there.”

“Could you send those schematics my way, Pidge?” Coran asked.

“Sure thing.”

“Pidge?” said Shiro. “If this isn’t the entrance to the cargo hold - ”

“Hold on, let me find you on the monitors… yeah, looks like you’re trying to access a liquid hydrogen tank.”

“Then how do I get to the cargo hold?”

“I’m looking…”

“Don’t forget, Pidge,” Coran said. “You’re also looking for access to transport records and inventory logs.” In the background, Lance could hear Keith’s voice softly ask, “Can I look at the schematics?”

“Yeah, yeah, I didn’t forget,” Pidge said. “I’ve got two hands, Coran, I can only type so much at once.”

“So what should I - ” Shiro started.

“Lay low for sec,” Pidge answered. “Look, I’ll - I’ll keep an eye on the cameras while I work my way into their records, Coran can start trying to figure out a way into the cargo hold.”

“I don’t think there is one,” Keith said.

A pause, then, “Come again, Mullet?” Lance asked.

“Well, I mean, there is, technically, but it’s not - look, I recognize these schematics, we infiltrated a ship with this exact same layout once when I was with the Blades, must have been the same model of - ”

“Now, Keith,” Allura sighed, “We have been over this. You were never actually - ”

“No, okay, whatever, I wasn’t actually a Blade, but I swear, I know this ship! And you’re not gonna be able to get to the cargo hold, not from inside.”

“What are you talking about?” Pidge asked.

“It’s an added security measure to ensure that only select people have access to whatever’s being transported. You can’t get to the cargo hold from inside, not unless you go completely smashing through some walls. The only way to get to the cargo is through the exterior bay doors, and they locking mechanisms and key codes aren’t connected to the ship’s internal network, so Pidge won’t be able to hack them from where she is.”

“Aw, isn’t it so sweet how much the Galra all respect and trust each other,” Pidge muttered. “So what, we’re gonna have to go try to get into the cargo bay from the outside?”

“Nothing doing, short stuff,” Lance said. “I’ve got the exterior cargo bay doors in my view. Windows all around, right in the line of a laser turret just off the starboard wing, no place to dock Green… there’s no way in Hell you’d ever be able to get in there without being spotted.”

Keith let out a little grunt of frustration before saying, “Well, then, forget about the stealth, and you can just - ”

“Absolutely not,” Allura said. “Remember, if we give away our activity, we give them the opportunity to clear out evidence wherever the ship is intending to go.”

“But - ”

“Sorry, Keith, but Allura’s right,” Shiro said. “For now, we may just have to forego the cargo and focus on Pidge’s info download.”

“...Fine.”

“Well,” Pidge said. “The good news is, that shouldn’t take much longer. Think I’m just about into their primary drive, so if we - ” A sudden blare sounded into the comms, making Lance wince and put a hand over his ear. “Fuck!” Pidge spat.

“What happened?!” Shiro cried.

“Pidge, did you trigger an alarm?!” Hunk asked.

“No, no way, I - ”

Whatever she said next, Lance didn’t hear. His eyes widened as one of the turrets on the ship rotated toward him. A nudge from Red kept his surprise from freezing him in his tracks, and he had time to grab onto the steering and pull away before a laser blast came shooting his way.

“Crap!” Hunk yelped. “They’re shooting!”

“You don’t say?!” Lance grunted. “Sorry, Pidge, they spotted Red, think that’s what triggered the alarm!”

“Shit,” Pidge muttered. “Woulda been nice for you to wait a few minutes more before making your grand entrance, Lance!”

“Hey, Red is a gigantic robot lion in the sky, there’s only so much I can do to keep her from being noticed!”

“Paladins, please!” Allura said. “This is not the time! Pidge, Shiro, get back to Green! I’ll escort Black around so Shiro can make the transfer. Hunk, you’re on defense, get to Lance and stave off any attacks. Coran, prepare the castle for me to return and make a wormhole for us.”

A chorus of ‘right’s and ‘roger’s sounded through the comms as everyone hastened to comply with the orders. Lance dove out of the way of another blast from the ship before sending one of his own back through Red’s open mouth.

“Hey,” Keith said. “As long as your cover’s been blown - ”

“Not really a good time, Keith!” Lance shouted as he narrowly dodged another blast.

“But we can use whatever’s in the cargo hold!”

“Keith, we don’t have time,” Pidge said. “I don’t know how long it will take to figure out the locking mechanism on the bay doors, and we can’t - ”

“Then forget the locking mechanism, you can get through the doors by force!”

“If we wreck the doors or the cargo bay, we’ll no doubt also destroy the cargo,” said Shiro.

“If you’re careful about where you hit, there will be enough left intact to at least get something! Bring one of the Lions close enough, and - ”

“Even if that is the case, they’ve got weapons mounted right outside the cargo bay,” Lance pointed out. “You try to get into it, you’ll get shot down easy.”

“Not if you’re fast and you dodge!”

“Enough!” Allura said firmly. “We’re cutting our losses now, and that’s that. This is not up for debate.”

Keith let out a growl of frustration, and Lance heard a thump in the comms before Coran said, “Keith, where are you - ?” He paused, then, “Think he left to cool down.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Shiro said. “We’re at Green, boarding her now. Allura, ETA?”

“Within the dobosh,” she answered.

“On the bright side, least this wasn’t a total wash,” Pidge said. “Managed to get those transport records opened up before the alarm sounded, so I’ve got coordinates on hand now.”

“Those coordinates certainly would have been more helpful if we’d been able to maintain stealth, but I suppose they’re better than nothing,” Allura said. “We’ll have to - ” She stopped as a beeping sounded over the comms, followed by a thoughtful “Hm” from Coran. “Coran?” she asked. “What was that?”

“Erm, nothing, princess,” Coran answered.

“Coran - ”

“Allura, we’ve got visual on you and Black!” Shiro interrupted. “Moving in for transfer now.”

“Right, right,” Allura said.

“Feel free to hurry,” Lance said as Red sent another blast of flame toward the ship, “Sooner we get that wormhole opened, the better.”

“We’re all more than aware of that, Lance,” Allura said.

“Hey, guys? Looks like they have reinforcement coming in,” Hunk said.

“Quiznak, you’re kidding me!” Allura said. “What are we looking at here?”

“Just a small cruiser on my six o’clock, but I don’t know if more are intending to follow.”

“You and Lance hurry and take care of them.”

“On it,” Lance said, moving Red so that Yellow was blocking the ship from her before turning to face the new threat.

Just as he was preparing a beam, though, his comm crackled and Keith’s voice sounded into his ear. “Wait, wait, don’t shoot, that’s me!”

“Keith?!” Lance cried. “You’re their reinforcements?!”

“Wha - no! This is one of the castle’s cruisers!”

“Keith,” Allura snapped. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Saving the stupid mission, what’s it look like I’m doing?” Keith shot back.

“You were supposed to stay on the bridge with Coran!”

“Whoops,” Keith said drily. “Guess I forgot. Lance, on your eleven.”

“On my - hey!” Lance yelped, veering Red away as Keith sped by mere inches from her port flank. “Watch where you’re flying!”

“I know what I’m doing, Lance,” Keith growled.

“Like fuck you do,” Lance muttered as he turned to watch Keith speeding straight toward the ship. “Hey dumbass, you do realize that’s where the lasers are coming from, right?!”

“I’m aware,” Keith answered, dodging one even as they spoke, not letting up on his speed for a moment.

“I’m heading back toward the castle, wormhole to follow shortly,” Allura said. “What exactly are you - ?”

“I told you,” Keith said, “You wanna get into that cargo bay, you gotta use force.”

“Keith, you’re gonna get shot down before you get within a mile of that cargo!” Lance shouted.

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you - oh, for the love of - ” He hastily turned Red to fire at the turret that had been aiming for Keith’s cruiser. “See?! That thing just almost took you out!”

“But it didn’t!”

“Yeah, and you got me to thank for that! Now would you just - ” A crash echoed over the comms, and Lance’s jaw dropped as Keith rammed diagonally right into the exterior cargo hold door, leaving a massive dent in its wake.

“Keith!” Shiro shouted. “Stop that, you’re going to wind up hurt!”

“I already said I know what I’m doing,” Keith said. He started making a wide turn away from the ship, getting back into position to start careening toward it again.

“I hope you’re aware that the castle’s healing pods aren’t quite as good at healing corpses,” Allura said.

“Noted,” Keith replied, right before another crash, louder still than the one before it, and this time Keith’s cruiser managed to get through the cargo bay door, the tail end of the ship left sticking out of the vaguely cruiser-shaped hole in the metal.

“... Keith?” Shiro said. “Keith, come in! Keith!”

“Oh my God, is Keith dead?!” Hunk squeaked out.

“I’m fine,” Keith groaned. “Just… just a little winded.”

“Keith, are you hurt?” Shiro asked.

“I’m disemarking for a moment.”

“That doesn’t answer my question!”

“Hang on, there’s - shit,” Keith spat. Blasts started coming through the comms, and when Lance squinted, he could see small flashes of light in the edges of the hole not currently blocked by the cruiser. “What the hell’s going on in there?” Lance asked.

“I don’t think the cargo hold likes visitors…” Keith said.

“Then get the fuck out of there!” Pidge shouted. “Guess the locking mechanism’s not the only security on that cargo.”

“I know, I’m going, I’m going,” Keith said, and a few ticks later, the cruiser moved, backing out of the cargo door. A couple of small laser blasts followed him out, narrowly missing the cockpit.

As the cruiser made it out of the ship and started moving away, Lance kept half an eye on it. The vehicle didn’t look to be in the same shape it had been before its crash - only natural, he supposed - and Keith was no longer flying nearly as smoothly as before. The cruiser kept slowing and speeding, and repeatedly lurched to the side before being pulled back onto its course.

“Keith, I don’t think you’re ship’s in a good state to be in battle right now,” Shiro said over the comms before Lance could say anything. Seems he wasn’t the only one who noticed the erratic flying.

“It’s nothing,” Keith replied. “Just some dents.”

“It looks like a hell of a lot more than some dents. If you can’t fly it - ”

“I can fly it just fine, it’s just a little - ” He broke off to let out a small cry as a shot from the Galra ship caught his starboard wing, leaving him spinning out for a few ticks before managing to find equilibrium again.

“Just some dents, huh?” Pidge asked.

Keith was silent for a moment before hesitantly replying, “I, uh… I might need some help.”

“I’ve got him,” Lance said, resisting the urge to tear his eyes away from the battle long enough to roll them. “Hunk, cover me.”

“Roger that,” Hunk said. Yellow made a wide turn to fly between Red and the Galra ship, and Lance sped to where Keith’s little cruiser floated to scoop him up into Red’s mouth.

“Thanks,” Keith grunted.

“Uh-huh,” said Lance. “Now, what have we learned today about crashing ourselves into bigger ships and expecting to fly off unscathed afterward?”

“That you’re too chickenshit to try it?” Keith asked, his tone gratingly innocent. Lance scowled and grabbed a joystick on the dash to make Red shake her head back and forth. “Hey!” Keith yelped. “What are you doing?!”

“Sorry, Red had an itch,” Lance said.

“The lions don’t get itches.”

“And you would know that how, exactly?”

Keith went quiet, and Lance had to grimace to himself a little. Admittedly, that remark had been a bit of a low blow. He opened his mouth with the intent to say as much, but lost his trail of thought when the castle’s wormhole opened up in the sky before him.

“All right team, moving out,” Shiro said, and Black led the way through the wormhole, Red and her catch bringing up the rear.

The universe around Lance went eerily quiet as it always did when they went through a wormhole, that sudden transition away from the noise of battle always leaving a ringing in his ears. The silence was soon relieved by a buzz of conversation on the comms, appraising what they’d gotten from that mission and asking what was to be done next.

“Keith, are you going to need a pod?” Shiro asked as Lance neared Red’s hangar.

“Uh, hard to say,” Keith replied. “Think my ship’s more banged up than me, to be honest.”

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to check just to make sure. Coran?”

“Right-oh, Number One,” Coran said. “I’ll meet you boys in the hangar!”

“Thanks,” Keith grunted right as Red touched down. Lance lowered Keith’s cruiser to the floor delicately, taking care not to jostle it as a silent apology for knocking him around earlier.

Keith was struggling out of the cruiser as Lance descended from Red’s jaw, and the latter let out a low whistle at the state of the smaller vehicle now that he could get a better look at it. A chunk of the starboard wing had been torn off from that blast it had taken, and the crash had left the forward bulkhead half caved in. “Damn,” Lance said, “If this is what you consider ‘dented’, I’d hate to see your idea of a wreck.”

“It’s… probably mostly cosmetic damage,” Keith said, and Lance turned to him. This was also first time getting a look at Keith, since their communication had been entirely over the comms rather than any video feed, and Lance raised his brow at the other’s appearance. Keith had at some point outfitted himself in a thick, boxy armor and helmet, silvery-white save for pale blue accents on the joints and above the visor, a color scheme Lance recognized as that belonging to the old Altean military uniforms in the castle’s storage. Keith finished exiting the ship fully, pale face grimacing as he planted himself on the metal floor of the hangar. His left arm was tucked into his abdomen, his right arm wrapped around it, and he tilted as he found his footing.

Lance frowned. “Your ability to assess your ship’s damage doesn’t give me much faith in your whole ‘I don’t need a pod’ thing.” Keith just sighed.

The door to Red’s hangar opened then with its electronic whir, and Coran marched in with an authoritative stride. “All right, let’s see what the damage - good gracious!” he said as he approached and got a look at the ship. “That looks like - ”

“Yeah, I know,” Keith said. “I’m sorry. It can be repaired though, right?”

“Nothing’s ever beyond repair,” Coran replied. “But it certainly won’t be a quick job.” He tutted as he stepped in to examine the ship more closely. “You’ve got Hunk and my work cut out for us, haven’t you.”

“Sorry,” Keith said again.

“Well, what’s done is done.” He shook his head before turning back to Keith. “Now, boy, this ship’s not the only thing that took a beating, correct?” He gestured toward Keith’s abdomen. “Come now, let the Coranic have a look.”

Keith slowly moved his arm away, and Lance winced when the left hand came away covered in a splattering of scarlet. Coran pounced immediately, tutting away as he moved Keith’s arms aside and examined the injury himself, so Lance had to step around and crane his neck to see the blood seeping through a seam in the plackart.

“Dear dear,” Coran said. “I assume this was from that little crash?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Keith said. “Kinda wound up thrown into some dented part of the ship’s dashboard. I, uh… there was a little, um, I felt a crack.”

“A rib may have broken through the skin,” Coran remarked. “Let’s see about getting this armor removed, yes?”

“Is everything all right?” a voice called. Lance looked up to see the others at the entrance to the hangar. Shiro was at the front of the group, making his way briskly toward them, and he hadn’t even so much as removed his helmet before coming to check the damage, just having rolled up the visor instead. “Keith, are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Keith answered as Shiro stepped in to hover over him at Keith’s side. The others, as they joined, hung back, giving Keith some space.

“Okay, my ass,” Shiro said. “You’re bleeding.”

“Well, I’ve had worse,” Keith said. “It’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever crashed a ship.” He squeezed his eyes shut and sucked a breath between his teeth as Shiro carefully peeled the chestplate from him. “And this one wasn’t even so bad. Yeah, I got thrown, but - but normally I hold up better than this, I swear.”

“Where did you get that armor?” Allura asked, frowning at the chestplate.

“Uh, in the armory?”

“Why did you select this armor?”

“It - it looked like it would fit? Why?”

“Because, this is infantry armor,” Allura answered. “It’s no wonder you got hurt. This armor’s not designed to hold against the sort of impact that would come from a full-bodied high-speed collision.” She lifted her gaze from the armor to Keith’s face, eyes narrowed. “You’re awfully lucky you weren’t hurt worse.”

“Good,” Keith muttered. “‘Bout time I got some good luck.” He gasped as Shiro gently probed at the underarmor an inch above the spot where the skin had broken.

“Definitely going to need a pod,” Shiro said grimly. “Keith, honestly, you gave us all a scare with that stunt of yours. If you want to go on missions with the team, you can’t just - ”

“Hey, that stunt got us quintessence, didn’t it?” Keith snapped.

The others paused, all holding still and staring at Keith in silence. “Um… what?” Shiro said.

“The quintessence. Snatched some before whatever security was in the cargo hold started firing on me. It’s in the cockpit.”

Immediately Allura turned and climbed onto the ship, clambering into the cockpit and stretching past the caved-in parts only to soon slide back out. Her eyes were wide as she gazed at the two clear tubes in her hand, each filled nearly to the top with a glowing, pale-yellow liquid.

“Well,” Shiro said softly. “I’ll be damned.”

“You’re welcome,” Keith said flatly.

Allura sighed. “Keith, regardless of whether or not you managed to - ”

“So sorry to interrupt, princess,” Coran said. “I’m in total agreement that Keith’s in need of a nice long lecture, but perhaps it ought to be saved until after he’s had his time in the pod? Shouldn’t be more than a varga or two.”

“Fine,” Allura said. “Get healed up, then we can discuss your… conduct. I’ll take charge of these in the meantime.” She gestured with a tilt of her head toward the vials of quintessence in her arms.

Keith nodded to her as Shiro slid his arm around Keith’s shoulders in preparation to walk him to the med bay. “Coran and I will get that taken care of,” Shiro said. “You three, go ahead and wind down; we can debrief once Keith’s out of the pod.”

The others nodded, and the group made their way out of the hangar. Beyond the door, they separated, Allura off to the bridge, Shiro and Coran balancing Keith between them en route to the med bay, and the rest heading off to the living quarters.

“All right, I’m just gonna say it,” Lance said as soon as Keith was out of earshot. “Anyone else starting to think New Guy is kind of an asshole?”

“Maybe a little bit,” Pidge said with a shrug. “But even you have to admit, he was pretty badass out there today.”

“Badasshole,” Hunk commented, and, at the looks the other two sent him, added, “Sorry, continue.”

“I’m just saying,” Lance said. “Hey, you guys don’t think Allura and Shiro are actually going to let Keith start joining us on missions and stuff, do you? I mean, yeah, he’s all eager for it, and okay, sure, he can pilot, but after that crap he was pulling, can’t imagine he’s much when it comes to, say, following orders and, oh, not almost killing himself.”

“Hard to say,” Pidge replied. They turned the corner into the hallway housing their bedrooms. “Guess it’ll be their call. If nothing else, having him along for missions will definitely make them, um… exciting.”

Lance rolled his eyes as he made his way to his own bedroom. “And isn’t that just what Voltron needs,” he said drily as he opened the door. “More excitement.”

#vldgen #vld fic #voltron fic #keith #vld keith #my writing #fic: remember me

47 notes · View notes