#just gotta find a good place for it
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Am I going to insert a non-necessary flashback about Griffin and Faragonda's student days in the companion fic for the multichapter AU I'm writing about them that already got out of hand? Probably.
#winx club#griffin x faragonda#storming sun#fuck it we ball#look i just figured out a really fun conversation with the headmistress of ct during the time faragonda was also attending the school#am i supposed to not include this?#or just banish it to a one-shot that's not connected to anything and is just kind of floating into the void?#i'm shoving it in this#just gotta find a good place for it#og post
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I AM AT MY LIMIT
Snoopy #90
30/12/2024
description under the cut
[description: a cartoon-style drawing of Snoopy's head. Snoopy is a white dog with black ears. His eyes are shut and his mouth is a horizontal line. There are two large blue teardrops, one under each eye. The text "I am at my limit" is handwritten across the top of the image.]
#peanuts#snoopy#art#90#based on that emoji face meme but i can't find the original ANYWHERE#at least not the entire image unedited. other than on like redbubble listings but i don't want to link those haha#if someone has a link to it please send it to me!! so i can link it in the post. thanks :)#also i have decided to start doing descriptions for each image (which i have been meaning to do for a while)#now that people actually follow this blog and interact with it and stuff#tbh i should've started doing them a long time ago#but the idea of retroactively going back to every post and adding a description kept putting me off... which is silly because it's only#gonna become more work the longer i leave it. so you know. just gotta start doing it#i will endeavour to add a description to all the previous snoopys of the day soon 🤞#anyway i made this because i sent a friend the original emoji image (taken from a redbubble screenshot LOL)#because we have been trying to book a place to stay for a group trip (6 people)#and like i did all the research and made a list to start us off (while letting people know they could add to the list) and sent that around#and made a poll for people to vote for their preferred place#and some people in the group have been taking FOREVER to respond with their opinions about accommodation#like to the point where all the other good places on the list have been booked up now and there is just one left#which luckily is the one with the most votes#and today i was like (about to book that one) ok well before i book i'm just checking that everyone is ok with these dates?#and some of them were like ohhh actually no. we haven't booked our flights yet so we're not sure which days exactly we'll be there#WHAT DO YOU MEAN!#in fairness i should've checked that we were all on the same page about dates beforehand#but like. the trip is literally in like 5 weeks AND during a public holiday like omfggggggg everywhere is gonna be booked out#do you know how hard it is to find accommodation for 6 people#and i don't even know the people who haven't been responding/haven't booked their flights/whatever#they're friends of a friend (who will also be coming on the trip) and i know nothing about them#i think i would be a lot less annoyed if it was just my friends because we would've just hopped on a call and sorted everything out in like#one night. otherwise we know + trust each other enough to make decisions for each other if we can't/don't want to be involved in planning
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✨dream of a dress✨
😳😍🥵
#technically#it’s lingerie#but whatever#idccccc#I fucking love it#the jacket is just another dress I found too#but they look so good together like this#now I just gotta find the perfect place to wear it#lol#me#not my face#selfie
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Janet on Earth - season 3, episode 3
#D'arcy Carden#The Good Place#Janet#darcy carden#gif#d'arcymine#the sandwich one i just spelled things how a quote was online#the i gotta find him kills me lmao
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Never do I feel more out of place at my job than when I get asked for the 25th time what my dream travel location is
Like, maybe I'm weird with this one but travelling isn't my hobby. It seems to be literally ALL of you peoples hobby but it isn't mine. I'm just chilling. Have a plan for a holiday, invite me and I will happily come and have a great time. But I'm not always planning my next journey. I'm chilling in bed with my cats
#personal stuff ... very pathetic and stupid thing to complain about actually#but this seems to be an educated (german) white woman illness#like ... you're uncultured if travelling isn't the thing you live for#it seems to be one of those milestones you just gotta do to be part of them. like having an airfryer. and reading german non fiction#i'm good tho#how about we all just ... unshackle ourselves from some expectations and maybe find some passions all of our own my dear colleagues#also i was lying there are many times where i feel more out of place than this time. but it's usually this kind of stuff
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rushing through the infinity nikki main storyline when i realized you unlock a white ponytail in it (lace is predictable)
but yeah, stunningly gloria and adelle-esque, easy to get hairstyles in IN, v excited for full game and bd2 cosplay fun (also peep that fishy belt buckle, seth lives on too) (haven't found anything for elvis yet lol)
#i don't have any colored contacts yet but defaults are good gloria eye color too#just gotta find a blue somewhere for adelle#but damn that hair. both styles even have braids in the same place...#lace pandering#txt#lacenikki
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hm.
#if you find yourself worried that growing in faith will remove parts of your personality becayde you might suddenly lose interest in#what makes you you#thats something you really have to like Investigate. deep down. because in the end even if you change a bit you will be Better. l#like you will be where God wants you to be#the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked etc#like i GET IT but also . growing in faith doesnt make you a Totally Different Person it doesnt take away all your interests#maybe it changes how you interact with them and the importance you place on them but like#me being more spiritually mature than i was a year ago doesn't mean that im not interested in poetry anymore or i dont like all the media#im invested in anymore#EVEN when i felt called to stop listening to secular music#i was like oh well ill just be boring now#no girl theres worlds out there of good music by christian artists you just gotta find it#anyways. this is rambly#i cant really make this concise#but really like. sometimes you gotta reconsider your priorities#God created you as you are WITH your personaliyy#sure we were born in sin etc but your personality being sanctified does not mean that you will lose it#yk#anyways#reminds me of this story abt a guy asking an older brother about if he should be listening to secular music#and the brother was like . ok well first off answer me this#if God told you to only listen to ska music for the rest of your life would you listen#and the guy was like ?? what??? no???#and the brother was like well then you still place your preferences higher than Gods#kind of silly and i do still think theres nuance in the music thing#but like. Yk. The Basic Idea
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so. apparently i'm malnurished. (vent/PSA below)
Protip: when you move out to live on your own, DO NOT only eat microwavable food. This will actually kill your body.
I am now at a point where I cannot eat anything that has preservatives or too much sodium (salt) in it. I do not know how to cook for myself, and am now living on nightmare mode because my brain is actively rejecting anything I eat that isn't fresh. I've been okay so far, but my weight, strength, general brain-ing, and other disabilities have all been on a steady decline since I moved out of my parent's house two years ago.
My mental state has also been spiraling with it. My anxiety is 10x worse than it's ever been in my life, causing me to panic over the smallest little things for no real reason. Now that I know that my diet has been slowly killing me, this makes sense.
It also explains why I'm so fucking cold all the time, or why all my symptoms for all of my disabilities have gotten worse. I cannot even take my 5-minute walk home from work without being winded, or even play piano because my arms will hurt from holding them out for too long, simply because I do not have enough energy/strength in my body because I wasn't eating correctly.
This time last year I was convinced I was going to die, and part of the reason why was because A) I was on the wrong dosage of methamizole (which I need to live) and B) I kept missing doctor's appointments. And, now, apparently C) because all I'd been eating at the time was those $1 pot pies and Ramen food packs.
I physically cannot eat frozen foods anymore, I actively cannot. Like literally cannot, my body won't let me even swallow it.
I'm literally living on Sudden Death Mode because this has been building for two years and I never fucking realized until about a month and a half ago, and didn't do anything about it until last fucking week.
Don't do this. PSA.
I now have to speed-learn how to cook my own meals, by myself, while juggling work and taking into account how many spoons (read: energy) I have for that day and trying to just make it. If I don't have the energy to cook anything, then I won't have any food for the next day, and then that'll make me have even less energy.
I'm realizing now that this shit, this shit right here, is probably the core of why I've been acting so off recently. It all stems back to what I've been eating. It's been actively affecting my brain for TWO YEARS, like no shit I don't feel as creative as I did before I left, I've been eating nothing but garbage and now my body is starting to rot with it!
Hopefully I can get the hang of cooking fast, otherwise I am fuuuucked.
#dimond speaks#vent#food#nutrition#please read this if you can. i put it under a read more because i know shit like this can make people uncomfortable/squicked#but honestly i think bringing attention to this could save a life.#I just gotta find a different way of phrasing it and i'll make a different post that wont be a vent#but right now i am. not in a good place fgshdjak#also yes you can reblog this#and yes you can ask me to tag something
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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I might sound like a jerk for saying this but I hate when you get mandatorily volunteered to bring some food dish to some event. Like (for my situation) a couple is moving into a new house- so I was already gonna make a candle for them (bc I make candles and I’m not very creative beyond that but it still would have been very nice of me thank you very much) but no, now someone else is all “oh! wouldn’t it be a great idea if everybody made some kind of dish for them!!” Oh great, thanks for volunteering everybody for that, so now you have to make some kind of food or risk being the only one that doesn’t and looking like an a-hole. “Oh but you don’t have to if you don’t want to!” Like no that’s a lie, that’s a set up, bc everybody will be looking down on you if you don’t do this thing. I don’t fucking cook, I don’t bake, I hate doing it, but now I’ve gotta make something or be the a-hole
#I just hate these kind of expectations#or for family holidays you gotta make something or look like a freeliader#you gotta always give gifts for bdays and you gotta come up with new and bigger gifts every single time#maybe I’m just a bad person but I hate giving gifts/making food for people- I find it stressful bc I feel like nothing is good enough#I feel like nothing I give is ever good enough or I’m not giving enough of it or whatever and that just steals the joy#out of giving things in the first place#it just feels like a chore#I’m not a hypocrite tho I don’t care one way or the other if people give me things or not- I don’t automatically expect it- I don’t care#if you don’t want to that’s great if you do want to that’s fine too#I just hate that it’s like a requirement and if you don’t do it then you are obviously the scum of the earth and were raised in a barn
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Survived today somehow? And things are actually going like really well for me?????? Knock on wood
#everything was falling apart with my classes and internship and I was so scared I wasn’t gonna graduate on time for like 5 different reasons#but then it all just kinda fell perfectly into place#but god I am so exhausted from all the stress#also my new psychiatrist is amazing and I’m switching to new meds.. on my Zoloft arc….. we’ll see how it goes#I’m a little nervous but very hopeful!#I have a new internship now! and it’s the internship I wanted from the beginning! and not one that I dread doing!#I ate alone at a sit-down restaurant today and it was very pleasant#I sent so many emails today also oh my god#beleugehh#now the only main stressor left is my grad school application#but my letters of rec should be taken care of now!#I have one done and another reference who will write one tomorrow if needed#but I’m gonna give my original choices a day or so to respond#just bc they know me better in an academic sense than my voice teacher lol. love her though and it’s maybe a good perspective to have#people (especially older people like admissions staff hehe) always find classical singing Neat#anyway I’m saying all this to kind of calm myself down#I’ve been hyped up on adrenaline and anxious energy all day#my grad school stuff should be good 👍 just gotta wait a couple days and then I can submit my personal statement and resume and then I’m DONE#whew.. I hope all goes well 😭🙏🙏🙏🙏#🤓posting
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the holiday malaise is getting to me a little bit
#despite my efforts#last year i was happy and i had a boyfriend i loved to bits and i was looking forward to the future and happy with where my career was goin#i had little things to look forward to on holidays for the first time ever and big things to look forward to in the following year#generally a lot more hope and happiness and looking forward to things after many many years of working hard at getting to that place#this year im..... just trying to keep myself busy and distracted#i don't have someone to celebrate big and little things with anymore or events in the year#things are still incredibly caustic with my dad so i can't spend the holiday with family (same as it's been since i moved out)#i don't know what next year is going to be like for me much less my future in general#trying to have hope and make it what i want it to be but i'm still struggling to find a trail that feels passable#also really feeling more and more like i'm just a passing single note in the symphony of other people's lives and not in a good way#ah well#gotta keep trying#a life and future i'll be content and happy with will come to me.... just... a matter of when#i hope it's easier to be optimistic next year and every year that follows#it really doesn't help that politics are so fucking dire here though#personal stuff#waugh sorry to be a downer#holidays are back to being miserable times of the year for me#events and holidays always bring out the malaise ™ in me fr#i'm doing fine being single again i don't feel like i'll never love again or something (impossible for me- i'm a lover after all)#just been a lot of change all at once and a lot of really bad luck all at once and other realities settling in (my age) (my unemployability#a lot to grapple with#i wish i could just live in the woods and spend my days baking and rockhounding/mudlarking and foraging
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living in the now is great and all but what they dont tell ya about is how when you live in the now too much, ya kinda forget to plan things ahead of time in the future...
#its all fun and games until you have no real goals you've put in place to aspire to lmao#it makes you not care about the future as much. which is nice in theory esp if you have anxiety about things that havent even happened#yet/probably wont happen-- but sometimes. something is gonna happen. and ya gotta care about that and work towards it#if its something good you have to prepare to embrace it. if its something bad you need to prepare to get away from it.#if you're too in the now you can't prepare. it doesnt even cross your mind.#anxiety isnt a bad thing. it just needs to be in moderation.#maybe turn it into being conscious and aware of everything you need to instead of focusing on shit you cant control or stop#focus on what you can change and fix right now. idk.#-but keeping in mind the goal of a future of things changing.#worse than anxiety or hope is feeling neither im finding.#if theres nothing to aspire to in the future- then why do anything?
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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so do the rest of you guys just simplify your dreams when explaining them to people or do I just remember a significantly weirder degree of depth than the average bear
#thinking about shit like this every morning when i wake up after like#spending the past however many hours in part of a high stakes cop drama that takes place in the pokemon world#but my pokemon is actually an elder scrolls character pretending to be a weird rare pokemon because it's easier than passing as human#and the fair we are trying to get through is down a dirt road alley that's also a depressingly empty polynesian farmers market#and we gotta go fast because my irl friend who's with us really wants to have a mantine draped over his shoulders like when he was a kid#but then we find out that the mantine encounter was at the aquarium next to the fair and not the fair itself and he just misremembered#so he's all sad while we're riding go karts and dirtbikes because he doesn't get to play with the mantines#but anyway we were here for the cop drama bit because some teenage girl got assaulted and we need to beat up the perp's pokemon#(perp himself has already been bagged)#and now I'm realizing that I don't know what fake pokemon moves to tell my fake “pokemon” to use#(he's a daedric prince it's not like he'd listen to me anyway he's about to obliterate the fuck outta this sunflora no matter what I say)#which leads me to wondering why I can't think of a decent steel-type pokemon move similar to slash#(“metal claw only works if you have claws” I think to myself wondering why there isn't some kind of sword move like ffs honedge exists)#anyway he's already finished the fight so it doesn't matter we can go home back through the depressing farmers market#home is aboard a KotoR-esque spaceship of course which is good because it means I get “back at camp” dialog with my daedra friend#but he's gone now shit fuck where did he go is he killing people without me this is bad I leave and start walking through crowded streets#people are trying to sell me shit but I ignore them#I'm accosted by a guy dressed like an old-west outlaw who says that he's with the vigil of stendarr and he's here hunting daedra#I tell him to fuck off because honestly I'm no longer invested in this dream's narrative arc#(I'm trying to envision a different scenario that is more appealing to my current tastes but lucid dreaming was a lie and I can't hack it)#then I wake up#next night I dream about being an omnipotent dragon god with a marsupial pouch full of my adopted babies (JJK characters)
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good grief i have really gotten myself into a tizzy this evening. guy who post cancelled i can't even put it into words. horse ebooks everything happens to much <- not even big things happening i'm just autism styling (bad) my life today
#who would like to beam the perfect oversized/boxy cotton short sleeved shirt into my consciousness and solve one of my problems <3#things i'm stressed about:#family gathering tomorrow with young kids (high possibility that they'll be sick) and noone masks except me -> I can leave though.#someone borrowing my car aka worrying that i'll get sick if they're sick and i drive it but i don't wanna wear a mask in my car#-> literally just wear a mask it's fine. also i'll probably get it back with time to air it before i drive it#don't have nice things to wear so i don't feel good and it's hard to find anything -> well i'll just have to look. no good fix for this one#just gotta do it.#too late and i've fixated on stuff instead of chilling -> can't wind back time babey you made your bed unforch!#just one of those days where everything feels like so much! and it's all surmountable i just dont want to surmount it. i want it to be nice#in the first place :P ALAS! THE REAL WORLD!#you knowwww it is past 9pm that's 'don't trust how you feel about your life' time for real!!!!
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