#just gotta find a good place for it
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Am I going to insert a non-necessary flashback about Griffin and Faragonda's student days in the companion fic for the multichapter AU I'm writing about them that already got out of hand? Probably.
#winx club#griffin x faragonda#storming sun#fuck it we ball#look i just figured out a really fun conversation with the headmistress of ct during the time faragonda was also attending the school#am i supposed to not include this?#or just banish it to a one-shot that's not connected to anything and is just kind of floating into the void?#i'm shoving it in this#just gotta find a good place for it#og post
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✨dream of a dress✨
😳😍🥵
#technically#it’s lingerie#but whatever#idccccc#I fucking love it#the jacket is just another dress I found too#but they look so good together like this#now I just gotta find the perfect place to wear it#lol#me#not my face#selfie
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Janet on Earth - season 3, episode 3
#D'arcy Carden#The Good Place#Janet#darcy carden#gif#d'arcymine#the sandwich one i just spelled things how a quote was online#the i gotta find him kills me lmao
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rushing through the infinity nikki main storyline when i realized you unlock a white ponytail in it (lace is predictable)
but yeah, stunningly gloria and adelle-esque, easy to get hairstyles in IN, v excited for full game and bd2 cosplay fun (also peep that fishy belt buckle, seth lives on too) (haven't found anything for elvis yet lol)
#i don't have any colored contacts yet but defaults are good gloria eye color too#just gotta find a blue somewhere for adelle#but damn that hair. both styles even have braids in the same place...#lace pandering#txt#lacenikki
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hm.
#if you find yourself worried that growing in faith will remove parts of your personality becayde you might suddenly lose interest in#what makes you you#thats something you really have to like Investigate. deep down. because in the end even if you change a bit you will be Better. l#like you will be where God wants you to be#the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked etc#like i GET IT but also . growing in faith doesnt make you a Totally Different Person it doesnt take away all your interests#maybe it changes how you interact with them and the importance you place on them but like#me being more spiritually mature than i was a year ago doesn't mean that im not interested in poetry anymore or i dont like all the media#im invested in anymore#EVEN when i felt called to stop listening to secular music#i was like oh well ill just be boring now#no girl theres worlds out there of good music by christian artists you just gotta find it#anyways. this is rambly#i cant really make this concise#but really like. sometimes you gotta reconsider your priorities#God created you as you are WITH your personaliyy#sure we were born in sin etc but your personality being sanctified does not mean that you will lose it#yk#anyways#reminds me of this story abt a guy asking an older brother about if he should be listening to secular music#and the brother was like . ok well first off answer me this#if God told you to only listen to ska music for the rest of your life would you listen#and the guy was like ?? what??? no???#and the brother was like well then you still place your preferences higher than Gods#kind of silly and i do still think theres nuance in the music thing#but like. Yk. The Basic Idea
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so. apparently i'm malnurished. (vent/PSA below)
Protip: when you move out to live on your own, DO NOT only eat microwavable food. This will actually kill your body.
I am now at a point where I cannot eat anything that has preservatives or too much sodium (salt) in it. I do not know how to cook for myself, and am now living on nightmare mode because my brain is actively rejecting anything I eat that isn't fresh. I've been okay so far, but my weight, strength, general brain-ing, and other disabilities have all been on a steady decline since I moved out of my parent's house two years ago.
My mental state has also been spiraling with it. My anxiety is 10x worse than it's ever been in my life, causing me to panic over the smallest little things for no real reason. Now that I know that my diet has been slowly killing me, this makes sense.
It also explains why I'm so fucking cold all the time, or why all my symptoms for all of my disabilities have gotten worse. I cannot even take my 5-minute walk home from work without being winded, or even play piano because my arms will hurt from holding them out for too long, simply because I do not have enough energy/strength in my body because I wasn't eating correctly.
This time last year I was convinced I was going to die, and part of the reason why was because A) I was on the wrong dosage of methamizole (which I need to live) and B) I kept missing doctor's appointments. And, now, apparently C) because all I'd been eating at the time was those $1 pot pies and Ramen food packs.
I physically cannot eat frozen foods anymore, I actively cannot. Like literally cannot, my body won't let me even swallow it.
I'm literally living on Sudden Death Mode because this has been building for two years and I never fucking realized until about a month and a half ago, and didn't do anything about it until last fucking week.
Don't do this. PSA.
I now have to speed-learn how to cook my own meals, by myself, while juggling work and taking into account how many spoons (read: energy) I have for that day and trying to just make it. If I don't have the energy to cook anything, then I won't have any food for the next day, and then that'll make me have even less energy.
I'm realizing now that this shit, this shit right here, is probably the core of why I've been acting so off recently. It all stems back to what I've been eating. It's been actively affecting my brain for TWO YEARS, like no shit I don't feel as creative as I did before I left, I've been eating nothing but garbage and now my body is starting to rot with it!
Hopefully I can get the hang of cooking fast, otherwise I am fuuuucked.
#dimond speaks#vent#food#nutrition#please read this if you can. i put it under a read more because i know shit like this can make people uncomfortable/squicked#but honestly i think bringing attention to this could save a life.#I just gotta find a different way of phrasing it and i'll make a different post that wont be a vent#but right now i am. not in a good place fgshdjak#also yes you can reblog this#and yes you can ask me to tag something
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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I might sound like a jerk for saying this but I hate when you get mandatorily volunteered to bring some food dish to some event. Like (for my situation) a couple is moving into a new house- so I was already gonna make a candle for them (bc I make candles and I’m not very creative beyond that but it still would have been very nice of me thank you very much) but no, now someone else is all “oh! wouldn’t it be a great idea if everybody made some kind of dish for them!!” Oh great, thanks for volunteering everybody for that, so now you have to make some kind of food or risk being the only one that doesn’t and looking like an a-hole. “Oh but you don’t have to if you don’t want to!” Like no that’s a lie, that’s a set up, bc everybody will be looking down on you if you don’t do this thing. I don’t fucking cook, I don’t bake, I hate doing it, but now I’ve gotta make something or be the a-hole
#I just hate these kind of expectations#or for family holidays you gotta make something or look like a freeliader#you gotta always give gifts for bdays and you gotta come up with new and bigger gifts every single time#maybe I’m just a bad person but I hate giving gifts/making food for people- I find it stressful bc I feel like nothing is good enough#I feel like nothing I give is ever good enough or I’m not giving enough of it or whatever and that just steals the joy#out of giving things in the first place#it just feels like a chore#I’m not a hypocrite tho I don’t care one way or the other if people give me things or not- I don’t automatically expect it- I don’t care#if you don’t want to that’s great if you do want to that’s fine too#I just hate that it’s like a requirement and if you don’t do it then you are obviously the scum of the earth and were raised in a barn
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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so do the rest of you guys just simplify your dreams when explaining them to people or do I just remember a significantly weirder degree of depth than the average bear
#thinking about shit like this every morning when i wake up after like#spending the past however many hours in part of a high stakes cop drama that takes place in the pokemon world#but my pokemon is actually an elder scrolls character pretending to be a weird rare pokemon because it's easier than passing as human#and the fair we are trying to get through is down a dirt road alley that's also a depressingly empty polynesian farmers market#and we gotta go fast because my irl friend who's with us really wants to have a mantine draped over his shoulders like when he was a kid#but then we find out that the mantine encounter was at the aquarium next to the fair and not the fair itself and he just misremembered#so he's all sad while we're riding go karts and dirtbikes because he doesn't get to play with the mantines#but anyway we were here for the cop drama bit because some teenage girl got assaulted and we need to beat up the perp's pokemon#(perp himself has already been bagged)#and now I'm realizing that I don't know what fake pokemon moves to tell my fake “pokemon” to use#(he's a daedric prince it's not like he'd listen to me anyway he's about to obliterate the fuck outta this sunflora no matter what I say)#which leads me to wondering why I can't think of a decent steel-type pokemon move similar to slash#(“metal claw only works if you have claws” I think to myself wondering why there isn't some kind of sword move like ffs honedge exists)#anyway he's already finished the fight so it doesn't matter we can go home back through the depressing farmers market#home is aboard a KotoR-esque spaceship of course which is good because it means I get “back at camp” dialog with my daedra friend#but he's gone now shit fuck where did he go is he killing people without me this is bad I leave and start walking through crowded streets#people are trying to sell me shit but I ignore them#I'm accosted by a guy dressed like an old-west outlaw who says that he's with the vigil of stendarr and he's here hunting daedra#I tell him to fuck off because honestly I'm no longer invested in this dream's narrative arc#(I'm trying to envision a different scenario that is more appealing to my current tastes but lucid dreaming was a lie and I can't hack it)#then I wake up#next night I dream about being an omnipotent dragon god with a marsupial pouch full of my adopted babies (JJK characters)
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good grief i have really gotten myself into a tizzy this evening. guy who post cancelled i can't even put it into words. horse ebooks everything happens to much <- not even big things happening i'm just autism styling (bad) my life today
#who would like to beam the perfect oversized/boxy cotton short sleeved shirt into my consciousness and solve one of my problems <3#things i'm stressed about:#family gathering tomorrow with young kids (high possibility that they'll be sick) and noone masks except me -> I can leave though.#someone borrowing my car aka worrying that i'll get sick if they're sick and i drive it but i don't wanna wear a mask in my car#-> literally just wear a mask it's fine. also i'll probably get it back with time to air it before i drive it#don't have nice things to wear so i don't feel good and it's hard to find anything -> well i'll just have to look. no good fix for this one#just gotta do it.#too late and i've fixated on stuff instead of chilling -> can't wind back time babey you made your bed unforch!#just one of those days where everything feels like so much! and it's all surmountable i just dont want to surmount it. i want it to be nice#in the first place :P ALAS! THE REAL WORLD!#you knowwww it is past 9pm that's 'don't trust how you feel about your life' time for real!!!!
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anywayssss trying to get ppl to like u enough to let u move in w them over a zoom is soooo humbling its like a job interview except ur waiting to hear back to see if someone wants to let u pay rent w them. so silly
#maybe ill go back to my oversharing on tumblr era feels good feels organic#anyways i talked to these ppl on tuesday n they seemed cool but they r all Professionals and im like. i dont have a job there yet :)#im just moving there bc i cant drive <3#i think they liked me tho i honestly cant tell im truly just trying to get my foot in the door over here babey#moving to fl was easy bc the housing came w the job it was just like moving into college!!#but this time i gotta figure both things out separately and im aaaaaaaaaaaaa#i keep telling myself its ok its not gonna kill me if i dont find something by the time i want to but im TIRED man i hate it here#the longer i stay here where i cant afford transportation to any job that could pay my bills the harder its gonna be to get out ever#but i stay silly. i persist. i must#anyways pls send me Finding A Place To Live Energy im stressin babes
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It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move
Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)
Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back
...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet
#legit; as small as it is it gives me a hint at the direction things will head and that costco will get more and more anti consumer#and I'm in minutes going from an 'I love costco; it's how I afford to eat; go get a cheap pizza'#to 'you know costco is kinda frustrating and annoying and I don't trust their ceo... I'm not sure if it's worth your time and money'#like look back and; tumblr search willing; you'll find posts of me singing costco's praises; literal free advertising#cause while it's not right for everyone; man is it so much cheaper than places like walmart#but... I legit don't know if I can recommend it anymore#for one thing; when I signed up I just spotted the members desk; walked in the backdoor up to the desk; and gave them money#now... what? you gotta ask permission? I feel like there's a chilling effect on wanting to join... at least for my socially anxious ass#and again; I just whiff this as like when games companies add DRM that breaks the game... for people who actually pay for it#they're making me suffer a pain in the ass for no reason cause someone might not be giving them money#and now that person never will give them money... and frankly... if they don't pay the membership but spend $500 how much did you lose?#but like I said; I feel it in the air; that costco will start doing more and more anti consumer stuff#...do I think it's a good idea to join up when they're gonna slowly start turning this corner?#I mentioned that quote by the founder about killing them if they raise the price of the hotdog#but... the fact the founder felt the need to say that to begin with told me something#kinda gotten the impression that the ceo is greedy as hell and wants to drain the consumer (so... a normal ceo)#and this just smacks of netflix/disney#oh... did you hear about disney killing someone with a food allergy despite being told about it multiple times like when the dish arrived?#and now disney is trying to forced arbitrate cause they had a disney+ trial in 2019#you hear about that one? cause that's a real news story; I'll find you an article if you don't believe it#anyway; this smacks of cracking down on password sharing to make up for hypothetical lost revenue#and let me tell you... if I could switch to pirating my groceries I would; I would download eggs#so this doesn't change costco fundamentally; but it does make it feel more hostile and like it doesn't trust me#it makes things feel more adversarial instead of like a partnership where they get me good prices on good things and I give money#and I just wouldn't be surprised if they start doing more things I don't like#things that make things worse... things like raising prices to increase their profit#...makes me want to... work on figuring out how to make everything myself since no company is trustworthy#they'll all turn on you in the end; the moment the wrong person takes charge they'll start to metastasis#towards the cancer of infinite profits#not saying don't go to costco... I'm saying don't get attached if you do; I think they're ready to do what every company does these days
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hi Princess
i hope you are doing well
please tell us a little about your new job with the doggies!
#here are a few pictures from today 🥰🫶#I have SO many pictures now it’s crazy#I should probably go through them cause I’m sure a lot of them are blurry but some are gems I must say#my favorite parts are probably when my yard is quiet and calm for a little bit (usually at night) and I sit down#and usually a bunch of them come rushing over to sit next to me#I can’t tell you how much I love it when a puppy lays on me or sits on my lap#it’s the best 🥰#there are definitely a few challenges to the job but I’m sure I’ll be able to deal#the hard part is it doesn’t give me enough hours and I don’t think it’ll be enough $$ either#so I’m gonna have to find another job which really really sucks#I’m already so exhausted with this one idk how I’m gonna juggle another one on top of it#but I need to figure out a way to get my own car and move out of my parents place#I love my parents so much but why can’t they just let me be me?#my friend literally said it sounds like they’re putting me on a leash and that’s EXACTLY what it feels like#not gonna get into it but it’s been rough lately#life hasn’t been the best so I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet lately#haven’t replied to anyone in awhile#but thankfully work has been good and I’ve been able to meet some amazing angels 🫶🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️#I just wish it paid better#also gotta figure out a way to wear my headset so it doesn’t trigger my migraines cause that’s been a struggle#really really REALLY hope one day I’m able to get my own puppy but at least for now I get to take care of other dogs 🥰🥰🥰🥰#ask#thanks for asking 🫶
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eugh. i keep seeing aggression to people who are on the right /politics. like i get it but no growing teen is gonna listen to what you have to say if youre both telling them how shitty they are and trying to educate them.
#like seriously are we just trying to find an outgroup to hate on or are we trying to make the world a better place? are we trying to reduce#hate or are we trying to be hateful whilst feeling good about it? like figure your fucking goals out. actually. be an asshat to someone who#was once willing to listen and they wont listen. they wont care and theyll brush you off. you gotta start being understanding and shit else#can we not promote violence and murder and shit? like i get the feeling but jesus fucking christ its not uncommon that that shit is aimed to#wards people who are still learning and growing and shit. children. and thats fucked up! theyre fucking children who've been led down a hate#ful path! like what the fuck! so please PLEASE start being compassionate. because when you arent sure whats right and whats wrong why wouldn#t you listen to the guy whos calling you top g? why wouldnt you listen to the guy whos telling you you got this even if its in a mean tone?#we're giving death threats to them for fucks sake!!
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YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!
MISHA 💖💓🩷❤️💕💖💓🩷💖❤️💖💓💓💖🩷💓
#i loevev them so much did you know that#currently saving up for him and it is HELL after spending it all on sparkel .so many quests and not enough timw .........#and . ouhhh havent had the chance to talk abt . shit what is it called . lemme go see real quick .#A CHILDS DREAM . yknow that one map with the text on the walls and the melted clocks and stuff .#that was done . SO incredibly well it makes me INSANE...........#so like . im 100.1% sure the speaker (who talks abt mikhail a lot) in that room is misha.#like that IS her voice right . im not going insane#its just . auuh... the dreams (or at least golden hour) in peacony are so childlike .... like . some of the puzzles are jigsaw puzzle ;#turn into a small cartoon character ; and help the cartoon character find his cartoon gears .#and then you get to clockie . who can only be seen by someone w a childs innoence (or smth around those lines)#and that misha can see clockie . which like . cool right ? yeab. UNTIL YOU GET TO A CHILDS DREAM ..#where theres something just ... sososo off .#and its ... its just gotta be misha . its gotta be . idk if theres anything outside of main story im missing (there probably is)#BUT . augh . auf even .#childs dream still has these childlike qualities to it (the paper birds; walking on walls) but just ... more warped#(the general atmosphere of the place; the monsters even .)#the music having a music box to make the tone of the song more distressing ... how its so much more smaller than golden hour ..#aughhhhhh ... its just such a good parallel..... i could talk abt it all day really .#anyways . i WAS going to tell u abt my misha theory (which may or may not be confirmed) bu t i got DISTRACTED.#uhh anyways . my theory is that misha is somehow trapped in peacony .#when misha goes onto the parlor car they mention that theyve never been outside of peacony before and that she can t stay for long .#which i imagine is very normal! BUT its this combined w her lock motif (pupils; most of the doors in childs dream) thag make me suspicious#i mentioned before that golden hour has a very childish quality to it. and that misha has that childish quality.#okay well . what if mishas being kept there so that golden hour can keep on being a dream for other people?#and so that would make golden hour mishas dream. (or part of his dream? could be more people the familys keeping)#and that would imply that childs dream is . well . mishas nightmare .#uhm . i think thats it ..? if i come up w anything else ill . ramble abt it somewhere . definitely not the most eloquent but#i hope i got the point across <33#i think its an understatement to say i love misha . i LOVE MISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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