#just got my iud out because my periods were 11+ days

[sparkly-sediment]

Tf2 Mercs Period flow headcanons

Free will strikes again 😈😈

Heavy

The Red terror

Very heavy flow that last 6-7 days. The longest she’s had is 9 days and it took bear meat to recover

The blood is usually dark brown and overall a bit of a delayed flow

Calls it her menstrual cycle only. Heavy isn’t big on midol or pain relief (Russian grit af)

Will always use a warm water bottle tho

Only used scraps of fabric until her 20s. Heavy doesn’t like pads because they feel like diapers and she doesn’t fuck with tampons until she has sex for the first time so she won’t “loose her virginity to stick”

We need more sex education

Ultra tampons for business, free bleed in the period draws for leisure

Sniper

Bush woman

Some hardcore feminist shit. Walk into the woods and menstruate on a stick indigo girls concert transparent

(if you get that i love you)

Sniper normally just free bleeds or like dries out her vagina during bathroom breaks. She smokes weed for cramps and gets bad period diarrhea

Very light, irregular periods. Completely skips some months due to stress and malnutrition (and she looses her appetite on her period!!(

Severe period exhaustion 😮‍💨

Flow is bright red or faint. Might be some blood on the briefs on the first/second morning but then not much happening outside of clots.

Would have fertility issues I feel

Sniper gets anemic on her period and resists taking the supplements Medic recommends. Finally he fights her into taking them and, shocker! She’s not passing out when she stands

Has tasted her period blood clots. Canon I fear

Says on the rag

Demo

MENACE

Demo has a moderate flow but pretty gnarly cramps. The sharp, pulsing kind. Hurts like a bitch!!

Flushes tampons and could give two fucks

She drinks more on her period and has wicked period shits. Possibly the worst asshole cramps in the group, and don’t even get me started on sore nipples

Thick dark red blood. Not hard blood clots but large bloody goops and liquid. Has to shower more often on her period 😔

Super and super plus tampons and the hospital grade pads. Completely unnecessary but Demo gets the biggest most crinkly padding pads of all time!!! Why!!!???!!!

PCOS queen. Thicker body hair, wild anger at times, and cysts!!! When one bursts she finally goes to Medic who immediately gives morphine and some weird blue sludge

Pain was gone but she did wake up with a third kidney

Scout

Type of bitch to get pregnant while pregnant

What a nightmare! PMS like a mother fucker! Scout becomes a snappy little bitch on her period. Terrorizes the base and just crashes out for no reason

If you eat her food so help you God

Really strong cravings and really intense ovulation. Yk how some women really go into heat when they ovulate? Like REALLY lock in? That’s Scout

Fertile and loves chocolate but aggressive

BAWLS ON HER PERIOD and period breakouts

Lighter/moderate flow. More than Sniper but less than Demo

Running really helps her cramps but they usually go to about 5/10 at worst

Her boobs always hurt worse than anything else and she’ll wear a sports bra instead of wrapping them for work

regular tampons and refuses go wear a pad

Medic

I will be using he/him pronouns because period!medic isn’t a gender bend. Medic wanted to feel even closer to his baboons and so he installed the necessary organs to build and birth them

Unwanted and unforeseen side effect 😔

Sturdy but average flow and a very consistent cycle. Bright red with brown spotting towards the end. He keeps a calendar and tracks ovulation

He would have period sex. No question. And, in a sick and wicked manner, would blow them after 😋

horrible to imagine. Anyway, Medic has rougher periods with heavy hormone fluctuations. Intense mood swings, fatigue, and some month deals with painful ovarian cysts

His periods don’t normally have too bad cramps!! He’s just sore in the southern skies and has some lightning sharp stabbing pains in his asshole

Medicates fully and all the way except in the beginning when he monitored the function more closely

Light period acne heavy metalic scent. Feels very tender and hungry

Soldier

Free bleeds and gets blood everywhere

Heavy flow and pretty intense cramps. And, rage. Period rage. Heightened by her pain and immense discomfort and all of her sheets have stains

Dark brown blood and irregular. Can bleed for days and has had 11-12 day periods that completely drain her

Her cramps will leave her bed ridden. If she has to go to battle, there will be NO indication of her pain. She might even be worse to over compensate. But Soldier will run a little slower and land from rocket jumps much more gently

Cries in the locker room and respawn when alone 😭😭😭😭 my shayla

Unless she’s gassed up for battle Soldier is much quieter on his period and sluggish

Eats so much omg decimates that kitchen. The team has to have a meeting because they’ve gone to the store three days in a row, and this is the forth morning everything is gobbled down in the night by a certain greedy little rat

Every time she starts her period she marches into the medbay to LOUDLY announce it. This is the only time she ever mentions the topic of menstruation in relation to herself

Will say fucked up shit tho. Tells Scout blood attracts bears and viciously growls after finding Scout’s tampons

Spy

Eats steak almost nightly when on her period

She refuses to discuss such things with the team and calls it tasteless conversation

INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY and does everything she can to hide her period. Will use kitty perfume to avoid blood smell, tampons only and she hides the wrappers before throwing them out

Heavier flow with low pain. She’ll feel the most discomfort in the cervix area but she doesn’t experience much cramping

Red/brown mix and very spotting days 1-3. Day 3/4-5 is heavy flow and then day six is usually the end

Midol in a Tylenol bottle 😭

She becomes a wicked bitch. Horrifically snappy and will bite your head off. Some period shits. Boobs hurt the week before

Engineer

Her periods are dandy.

Yk how people say periods last 3-5 days? And you’re like, who the fuck is having three day periods?

It’s this gal

Engineer has some mild cramping but it lasts ALL day. From the first flutter of her eyes to the final rest, her uterus is aching

Tight period cramps and a lighter flow. She wears regular and lite tampons for two days and then is good

Bright red and thin blood. Never has big clots and rarely has goopy blood

Her discharge is tinted pink or brown for about a week though so it does balance out

She will smell really strongly of blood like the ripe period embarrassing smell

Working in the workshop when she catches a whiff of the 🩸🐱 but she likes feeling primal and will work into the dank night

Engineer eats all chocolate in the based and will probably eat every cookie too

Period rage that rivals Soldier’s

Pyro

Free bleeds and doesn’t practice good hygiene. She won’t change her clothes- including underwear- any differently despite having blood all up in it

Pyro doesn’t have much liquid blood, but a lot of clotting and clumps of tissue

Because of this and a lack of good hygiene she has a worse smell, and it is noticeable to others. Pyro always smells burnt though so it isn’t exactly traceable

Heavier flow, WOULD use super plus tampons

Pyro has worn pads in the past but she dislikes the diaper feel and she never likes the sensory experience of period products

She’s much sleepier on her period and will curl up to nap. If not in her bed then wherever

[nozoroomie]

my ps4 controller has shat the bed. While I don't really play any games on my ps4 anymore, it's still great for watching movies.

But finding a new controller or even a refurbished controller for this thing has been so difficult. I try not to shop on Amazon unless I have to (c'mon, we all know why) but even the small gaming shops in my city don't really have anything.

Maybe it's just cheaper for me to buy a bluray and dvd player??

Anyway, more fun life updates under the cut!

We'll start with my health. It's been a while since I've posted about it. In that post I made in April, I made a joke about "probably have to wait until 200 days of bleeding until I actually see a specialist."

It literally did take that long. I was bleeding from late January (around the 19th-22nd area,I'd have to go check my calendar but im typing this in bed and lazy.) until August 9th. There were two very brief breaks of nothing in April and June, but the grand total of days I bled and bled heavily was roughly 180 days. Crazy right? and I met MANY people with uterus' in this time who have had it worse.

I got to go to a specialist on August 6th and then when they tried to do an examination, they couldn't. There's a number of reasons why what happened happened but to put a long story short- my hormones are insane and likely not distributed evenly around my junk, so insertion causes immense pain and they just couldn't do a thing without putting me under anesthesia. Which they did! on August 9th I had a procedure to give me a biopsy, a polypectomy, and then there was one other thing they did -I believe it may have been called a DNC but honestly, they told me everything that happened while I was still under the affects of anesthetic so I have no idea the exact term or how the process goes- but since August 9th, I haven't had heavy bleeding. There's been some minute bleeding that all my recovery paperwork says its normal, but god. The menstrual cramps. The polyps forming and bursting. It's been painful.

The exact diagnosis of my biopsy and examination happens next Wednesday, and there's a few ways it could go over all, but the thing is I KNOW they're going to push the IUD or some other form of Birth control on me because that's what they did the first time I met and had a consultation with them. and with the way my uterus is and the horror stories I've heard about the pain of them and how they're -at most- 5 years of period relief... I'm saying nope. If I have to do birth control temporarily, I'm going towards the arm implant if it's going to be as effective as an IUD. If not? I'm going down the partial hysterectomy route and I'll try to get referred to an OBGYN that will respect that. But things I also had to do for my health while I was just slowly bleeding out and becoming more anemic by the day:

two iron infusions. On the second one they had to send me to the hospital to get an IV put in and then I had to travel across the city to the clinic I got my iron infusions don't at. Most stressful 2 days I've had to be quite honest. They poked me with different needles 11 times until someone finally got the iv in properly.

One of my ribs shifted just slightly out of place and I had to go to a chiropractor. Now I take stretching way more seriously. Folks. if you're not active, still make sure you stretch and you're hydrated. It's fucked.

Chronic fatigue and uterus cramping. if I wasn't at work or doing necessary chores (litter box, walking the dog, showering, laundry, etc.) I was laying down and doing my best not to take too any pain killers.

24/7 bloating. full disclosure- I 'm Fat. before all of this, I was comfortably between 175 to 185 pounds (and I didn't mind! I was born fat, I've grown up fat, it's not something I've ever cared about.) Carry most of it in my stomach and chest. At 5"1 ish, it makes me look pretty chunky. Imagine blowing up around 20 pounds more. at my worst, I was around 215 pounds. My body HURT. I felt like I was a bubble that could pop. I bought work shorts that fit me perfectly at around 185 pounds and the bloating got so bad, the button for the shorts just popped off while I was at work. It was so embarrassing.

Anddd that's the mega long health update.Right now I'm still recovering from my procedure. I have about a week and a half until I get have a bubble bath again and I do see the OBGYN on Sept 4th to find out just what my options are. Some other misc things to tie the post up into a more positive update:

Blue's reactivity is getting better! We haven't met many new dogs but he's getting so much better at ignoring every dog we pass. We do still have to cross the street, but he's more inclined to look to me than to stare down the other dog so that's always great.

Menma turned 12 and she's still on that vet prescribed diet. It's great for her kidneys but bad for hairballs. We're working on trying to get her interested in some hairball relief stuff but the old lady is picky with her food and sometimes she'll touch it, most days she'll turn her nose to it. And work is. Work. But you know how that all is. Capitalism is a shitty thing and I hope we see something better sooner rather than later.

That's about it! Thanks for reading if you got this far. It's storming and I gotta get Blue out to at least try to pee but knowing him, he's gunna protest so we'll see how it works out.

[pbandjesse]

How do people work for 8 hours a day? I feel so beat up. I really hope I can settle out and not be so overwhelmingly exhausted when I get home. Because there are things for me to do!!! But I got home and I have been in bed for 3 hours. I have accomplished nothing. All I want to do is go to sleep. I might have to just start sleeping for an hour when I get home. I can spend every evening just laying here.

It didn't help that I was filled with anxiety last night. My mom asked me to call her and we talked about some stuff, things that would be sorted out. But when I get overly anxious about junk I start doing compulsive math in my head and on my phone. And it's like I don't do well with holding numbers in my head! It causes more stress!! But for some reason that's where my brain does and start trying to solve the problem with division. It's so dumb.

It made it really hard to sleep. But once I did it wasn't a bad sleep. I gave myself an extra 10 minutes when my alarm went off.

James had packed up my little lunch bag. I got dressed. I felt good. My hair was bothering me a little but it was fine. It would be a good day.

Me and James walked downstairs together. Had a smooch outside. And then we were both off.

I got to camp at 8 and jumped right into resetting my boxes in the art building. I would call my dad and we talked for a half hour which was good. Got some questions answered and some mysteries solved. It was also just nice to talk.

After I got off the phone with dad I got back to sorting out my boxes. I would get a call from Heather that she had forgotten her key at home and was just popping over to get her laptop. She was finishing up a grant and wanted to work at home so she would be distracted. Which was totally fair. But I would let her in and she said she would be back later.

It was chilly this morning. Which was lovely. I'm going to have to keep a fleece at camp or on my car again. I have my old Franklin institute hoodie in our car emergency bag, and I would wear that all morning. It wasn't perfect but it was comfortable.

I would finish up all my boxes. And sorted the new books I got. And then headed down to the office.

I would look at my to do list. And decided I would start working on the specialty lessons for next summer. This is probably going to take a while but I would at least start writing out some ideas.

I would also remember I wanted to make a gyn appointment. To finally get my IUD out. Which is so scary. I loved having my IUD, but getting it put in was one of the worst things that I've ever experienced. So I really really hope that it isn't as horrible. I also don't know what's going to happen after. I haven't had a period since 2017, not in a real way. So I'm planning on going and buying some of those period underwear? Technology has improved leaps and bounce probably. Well see what happens.

It was a huge issue making this stupid appointment though. Planned Parenthood only has one phone number for the whole state. But my laptop browser was to old to make an appointment?? I've never seen that before. So I had to download the app on my phone but I got it eventually. It did take over a half hour and was very frustrating but I got it done.

At 11 I drove up to low ropes to set that up for our program. And when I got back down to the office Celia and Sarah were coming in.

We chatted and I worked on the lesson research. Elizabeth had been out for a few hours searching for cleaner for the pool because something had gone wrong with the filter and the water looked green. But the pool supply place wouldn't deliver it before the wedding this weekend. But once she came back she told us that the Y leadership staff that was having a retreat at camp this week was our program group! None of us put that together. So we would have a little 11 person adult group. Which was just fine with us.

They wanted to start around 1230. So I ate my little lunch and then we headed over to the lodge.

The next hour and change was actually a lot of fun. We met them at the lodge. I have a little intro and introduced us to the group. And then we walked across camp.

Me and Sarah chatted with a few people in the front about how camp runs. Celia was making sure the slower walkers didn't get lost. They were a nice little group, but not very outdoorsy. But that was alright. We kept everyone together and made it to low ropes in one piece.

I lead the group in rules and safety. And then each of us were in charge of an element. I think we did a really good job encouraging and no one got hurt. They were fun. They each had what they called a "journey partner" and would support each other and it was very sweet.

Once they had all made it through the elements we went over to zip. I was trying my best to keep us on time.

I helped Sarah set up harnesses while Celia walked to the second tower to catch people. Some people were really nervous but everyone went and I was really proud of them. I had some nice chats about camp and art and stuff and it was good. They were a fun group.

After the last set went on the zip I told Sarah I was going to go out low ropes away and said goodbye to the group.

And after I put away low ropes Sarah and Celia met with at the top of the hill. Chloe drove over to say hi, and she said I can have more horse hair in two weeks. Amazing.

We walked back down to the office. Where they told me they both use hand soap to wash their faces. Horrifying. And when we got to the office Lou had brought us all hoagies! What a sweetie. I pulled off all the meat and enjoyed it. He also brought a beautiful peach cake to share with us. So sweet.

I was pretty exhausted at this point. But I would spend most of the next hour working on my specialty lessons. Heather and Elizabeth asked me if I could go pick up a 100 cup coffee percolator from the restaurant store. I've never been to a restaurant store! I decided to go in the morning since it's on the way. I hope it's a neat place.

I would finish up what I could and then at 4 I said goodbye and headed home.

And I was beat. I wasn't dizzy tired thankfully. But I was very much excited to go home.

There was a lot of traffic so I took a strange route home. But it was fine and I was home right after 430.

James was starting to make dinner but I wasn't hungry at all after the sandwich from Lou. So they said they would stop it now and make it later. I would go take a shower. And put on soft clothes. And James did their podcast. They have listener guests this week. So that's neat.

I would just lay in bed. I wanted to do stuff. But every time I tried to get up I was just so unhappy and dizzy I just had to lay back down. I just watched videos and read stuff on my phone. I hate feeling like I wasted the evening. But I also didn't rest. I need to actually sleep for an hour so I can be half way awake for most of the night. It's such a hard balance

James would finish up their recording and made us mozzarella sticks and a Caeser salad. They put grated parmesan on top and then also went and put some grated parmesan in sweetp's wet food. It was very silly. But I was feeling happy, despite how exhausted I feel.

Now the sun has gone down and we are getting ready for bed.

Tomorrow I have some to do's I hope to get off my list. I hope it doesn't exhaust me so badly. James says we can pull down the Halloween stuff and decorate a little tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that.

Sleep well everyone take care of each other.

[deep-dark-wisps]

I have always stated that once I was done having kids, I have a hysterectomy because of periods and the high risk of cancer! Seriously! I had have genetic screening in my late 20s.i was probably on 3 or 4 cancer scares. It was either the precancerous cells on my cervix or cysts in my breast that urged me to get tested at Mount Sensi for my cancer risk. I am a carried of that B1 gene or something.

After Kj, i want 1 more child...BUT, a hugh but. i was very sick during my pregnancy.. i was for 11 weeks with my first son, A. Post baby with an ob, thst totally miss the preclamsia because she want to wait for csection after she had vacation for a week. Believe i fought to ve hear and seen...it took another doctor to over ride her descision. She made it clear, that i should highly get a hysterectomy. Another pregnancy could very well kill me or the unborn child.. My nurse praticnor felt the same. Here I am 6 weeks post partum/ death hearing now my uterus gotta go! ( Due to medical factors, which of years talking with Np, that birth control wise, this best option)

September 22 to Feb, denied, denied! The reason.. Your 38 years old and childless... You still may want children.. My Np, was like WTF. In my refferal I gave sound medical reasoning for such surgery...In Feb, for some reason, I believe the urogolist request a update ulteasound on my pelvis...Even before I got talk to Np about my scan or the urologist, the radiogology ask for a follow up in April.

The found a "cystc" formjng on left ovary, my uterus was congested and possible bump too. Was it left over from csection? My lining was thicker then normal since Kj birth.. Ok so they concern.. My Np..could wait till April for my next ultrasound, I am booked for March...

My uterus now has a bigger mass, cloudy, there growths that looks like the ones burn off my cervix 8 ish year prior. Those were precancerous.. The cystc on my ovary grow that may not be a cystc..

Um ok, I am scare... Np now very concern.. I been to m ER i n pain that rock your core.April I have 3 rd ultrasound in 3 months.. They "cystcs" are not really cystc like because they wven bigger!

It reach the point to be honeest, that I am throwing up every day, my bladder not holding well from the weight of my ovary and uterus. There is torsion and my uterus already tilted.. I was already having bladder issues from bad gentics.. So, urologist stated a bladder sling is vital for my health.. He want that sling put in same time as hysterectomy because, I have be open for both and recovery time same thing.Yes, some Gyneos that that.

I am 9 month into quest to have my surgery, I am in serve pain and cannot afford my cannibis that only thing controlling the pain. I am deem emegency. I been denied like 5 times, here in Barrie. I cannot trust the one in Barrie who he do consult due to wont listen to my bestie and blotched her surgeries not 1 but 2x. She need a new doc who can exactly do the surgergy properly..I cannot trust the one in Alliston.. Where next?

Well, that surgeon will not being doing my surgery.. Went to Alliston today. It took 10 mins of my time, to find out she won't be listening to me as patient and concerns.. It will be her agenda, her way and despite 5 doctors/ nurse praticnors stating I need the surgery, and the following things...It her way.I cannot trust her to lay on a table stressing she can complete the surgery complexities, even if she did the surgery.

She felt surgery was not best option, I did not need the biospy,and despite my medical history, a iud was the answer..Um no,that option explore for last 10 years.. and cannot even be consideration.

3 strikes happen rapidly in this appointment....she could not repair the bladder, not her area, she just a plain gyneo..At this point, fine I just have be open again but the way my uterus twisting and pulling my bladder down, it should be taken care of immediatly. 2nd strike, she said looking at your history, you need a Iud. My just dropped. I clearly stated, No, not option be explore hence I am here.. The subject should been closed.. No she march on with her slew of words of great a Iud and me saying No, no, no! I am not dven discussing further. So, with both us puff up, she states I wont be doing a biospy because it not needed. I just glare, she like fine... I do it, if makes you feel better...That was broken my camel back.. I like thank you, but we done. I got up and walk out.

My so called avocate fawn, and sat glue to their seat. Then reliaze, I seriously left..They said I act like child back there.. I like I brought you to fight with me not against me..Needless say, they not invite back to my doctor battles. Thy turn in a wall flower, beliving in the false fallocy of doctors are right, patients are stupid therefore, we should comply. I was not being a child to b clear.. i spoke calmly, held my position, and when, I was not being heard, I simply left.

People stop being sheep to the medical system.. Wake the fuck up.. You allow to say No, you can fired your doctor if not happy. If they did injustice to you, pin their ass to provial wall of accountabilty!

Mic drop..

Abz

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 29

; Hoseok x Reader

;Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Warnings: Discussions of periods and contraception

; Word Count: 4.6k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: I know it’s taking a long time for me to update this but I hope you enjoy it :D Please reblog if you do and let me know what you think my commenting on this or sending me an ask!

; Flower Masterpost

-

“Hey, meeps,” You hear Hoseok’s voice calling to you from the end of the aisle, his new nickname for you now gaining its own nickname as well. “If sunflower oil is made from sunflowers, and coconut oil is made from coconuts...then baby oil…”

He trails off, raising his eyebrows and giving you a scandalous look as he holds up a bottle of baby oil. For a moment, you just stare at him blankly before sighing and rolling your eyes in amusement. Taking the bottle from him, you place it back down onto the shelf before linking your arm through his.

Thankfully, he lets you direct him back to the little section they have in this makeup and skincare store that’s fully dedicated to Korean beauty. This is one of those strange stores where they have tons of products that are basically on sale yet also have branded stuff alongside it. Not that you cared though; it had the Korean brands you swore by for your skin and you were more than tempted to try out the Japanese beauty stand next to it.

For someone who isn’t particularly bothered about the whole concept of skincare, though you had managed to convince him to at least improve his routine, Hoseok was being a pretty good boyfriend right now. He hadn’t complained about the half an hour you’d spent perusing the makeup to find new stuff to put into your collection and he still wasn’t complaining as you filled your basket with face masks.

If anything, he’d managed to entertain himself quite well. 

But you think he was being good purely because you’d gone with him to a concert last night. It had been for one of his favourite bands, Metallica, and he’d ended up with a spare ticket as Jungkook had ended up ill with food poisoning. He had been about to go on his own, but you hadn’t liked the thought of him being lonely so you’d gone with him.

You’d recognised some of the songs they’d played from whenever Hoseok played them in the car or the house but it hadn’t been your scene. Still, it had been fun enough and you’d more than enjoyed seeing Hoseok happy as he’d rocked out to his beloved band.

It did mean that you were exceptionally tired today though as the two of you hadn’t gotten home from the stadium they’d performed in until after 2 am. That had been the closest performance apparently and you’d been shattered, sleeping until well after 11 am. Hoseok had promised you a day of relaxation, which you’d jumped on by asking him to do a full Korean skincare routine with you tonight.

He’d agreed, and you’d eagerly dragged him out to this store to replenish your supplies. The makeup was just because it was there and you couldn’t resist it. Already you were coming up with ideas for looks in your head that you could create and then put onto your Instagram. Moving places had meant that you hadn’t done many looks lately and you were eager to change that.

Especially now that you had a yard to take nice photos in. Hoseok and you had both been working hard on the weekends and evenings to transform the yard from the overgrown mess it had been into something nice. Nothing too amazing or expensive as it wasn’t your own house but nice enough that it made from some pretty aesthetic photos.

Placing a final bottle of moisturiser in your basket, you smile at Hoseok and hold it up proudly. He just looks at you in amusement for a second before smiling back.

“All done! We can go to pay now.” While you pay for all your new stuff, he goes and waits outside for you. Which you discover means he intently window shops at the video game store, getting that look on his face when he wants to do something.

Feeling that your bladder is a little too full right now, you glance over to where the public restrooms are and move over to Hoseok. “You can go in if you want, I’m going to the restroom so I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He takes your bag for you like the gentleman he is before disappearing inside, immediately making a beeline for the Playstation 4 section. You have a feeling he might be about to drop some money given how interested he’d been in some of the new games that have been released in the last few months.

Any thoughts of games are wiped from your mind very quickly though when you’re on the toilet. The sight of red staining your underwear has your eyes widening in horror as you realise that your period has decided to make an early appearance. For a moment you simply stare, brow creasing before you reach for your bag and grab your phone.

The period app you use says that you shouldn’t have started for another four days and you curse your body for doing whatever it likes. Scowling at the stain, you attempt to clean it before sighing in defeat, acknowledging that at least you were wearing black jeans today.

Another rummage in your bag causes you to find another problem, this one sending ice water running through your veins. Grabbing it and placing it onto your knees, you visually scan through every space and almost pull out the entire contents before letting out a small sound of despair.

You had no tampons.

Cursing to yourself quietly, you finish up and make do with an almost ridiculously large amount of toilet paper. Rushing out, you wash your hands before moving over to the machine that always had condoms, sanitary pads and tampons.

Only to see the ‘sold out’ sign on both the buttons you need. Groaning quietly, you do a little dance of frustration as you realise there are not even any other women in the restroom for you to ask. Not that you would. As if your social anxiety would allow for that!

So instead you have to slink outside and into the game shop, lip jutting out in a slight pout as you become hyper-aware of yourself. Can other people smell the blood? What if you leak through all the toilet paper and it does somehow show through your jeans?! What if you leak through onto a chair!

Hoseok wanted to get something to eat after this and you were dreading having to sit there for ages. Playing with your fingers nervously, you move over to where he’s crouched in front of the PS4 stand. He already has two game cases in his hand and is reading the back of another one, your bag of goodies on the floor between his feet.

Glancing up at you, he grins brightly before showing the cover of one of the cases he’s got.

“Look! The Spider-Man game is on sale! You want to play this, right?” Absentmindedly, you nod. The back of your mind takes in the fact that he’s also got Divinity: Original Sin 2 in his ‘buy’ hand and the other case he’s considering is the Doom remake. You wish that you could let him browse more but the drug store wasn’t close by and you didn’t want to just abandon him suddenly.

Still, the thought of what was going on down below was overwhelming and you found yourself shaking his shoulder slightly.

“Hey, are you done? Can we go?” Reaching down, you take your bag back and stand back as he rises, the crease between his brows letting you know he’s a little confused as to why you’re suddenly rushing him. He knows full well that there’s nothing important you need to do.

Still, though, he doesn’t question it and instead nods slowly. While he goes and pays for the games he’s buying, you go to wait by the entrance. Wrapping your arms around your waist, you realise that the low ache in your back that you’d had for a day or so was one of those early symptoms you got of your period.

Only you hadn’t thought anything about it. Not when you’d spent a few hours last night stood up. You’d just thought it was because you’d done a lot of work in the yard combined with the concert. Apparently not.

You’re pretty much already walking in the direction of the drug store by the time Hoseok comes out, causing him to have to jog to catch up with you. All you can think about is whether or not walking faster or slower would make things worse.

“Woah, hey, where are we going?” Hoseok asks, matching his speed to yours. You’re just thankful that there are not too many people out shopping today because it would only increase your stress levels if there was a big queue that you had to wait in or something.

“Just, to this store.” Admittedly, you’re not being very open and honest right now. But you’re embarrassed. Hoseok is fully aware of your periods and that they’re very much a thing that happens. They’d become a little more irregular recently as you’d had a copper IUD put in around a month before moving in with him.

Nothing drastic or anything, but then again they were also sometimes longer and a little heavier than you were used to when you were on the pill. It wasn’t exactly something you enjoyed talking about with anyone though; Soyeon and Chungha were pretty open about this kind of stuff but you had always mostly stayed quiet whenever they talked about it.

Which was silly. They were women who fully understood what you were going through and Hoseok understood that it was a monthly event. So it wasn’t like he’d be shocked to find out or anything. If anything, you’d probably done a bit of a bad job in explaining some things to him as you’d always got too shy whenever he’d asked things.

That was bad, you were well aware. But you’d only really got comfortable talking about sexual things with him. You knew that there were guys who thought it was gross that women bled for a week or so. Hoseok had never made those kinds of comments, but still. You were a work in progress.

“We’ve already been in here, why are you dragging me like Jason Voorhees is running after us with a knife?” He whines when you enter the store. You’re not surprised he’s confused because he’s right, you had come in here earlier and picked up what you needed. Still, though, he follows close by.

“I thought we didn’t need anything else.” Comes from him next, his lip pouting and you get the sense that he wanted to spend more time in the game store. A rush of guilt and shame washes over you, causing you to grip his hand even tighter as you shuffle awkwardly in place for a moment.

Finally in the store though, you realise just how silly you’re being with him. It’s not like he’s going to get outraged or upset. And you’re sure he’d have been much more willing to come along if he hadn’t been dragged along half the street with no idea what was happening.

Leaning into him, you cough slightly before swallowing as you feel yourself go hot with anxiety.

“My period started.” You whisper, keeping the words quiet enough so that he can hear them without having anyone else overhear. Though the rational part of your mind knew that you shouldn’t give a flying fuck what anyone else thought. It was a natural, bodily function and all that.

Your mind has never quite done things rationally though.

Hoseok has heard you though, you can tell by the way his head tilts to the side ever so slightly. But his expression is blank for a moment before his brow creases in obvious confusion, lips pursing as he contemplates what you’ve just told him.

“Okay...so why are we here?” Annnnd there it is. That famed male obliviousness to female problems. You couldn’t get annoyed at him though, not when he was good with you on everything else. He was cute.

“It’s early? And I have nothing to use. So I need to buy some.” His face changes immediately when he understands finally, mouth curving into an ‘o’ shape as he lets out a noise of recognition. It then contorts into worry for you, his eyes glancing down to your crotch area with wide eyes.

“Wait, so that means you’re...just…” He creates a rushing gesture with his hands, imitating a waterfall as he makes a ‘whoosh’ noise with his mouth. It’s a little too loud for your liking and you hiss at him, poking at his stomach before quickly pulling him over to the menstrual health aisle.

“I’ve used some toilet paper but it probably won’t last. It’s come on pretty hard and fast today. Please don’t laugh.” You beg him and his face sobers immediately, eyes darting over your own as he takes in your distressed appearance. Licking at his lips, he inhales deeply before nodding.

“Okay, you use tampons, right? So like...which ones? You never keep the box.” Automatically he starts to look over all the boxes of tampons; staring at the brands, types and absorption levels like he’s reading signs in Mandarin or something. It makes you want to laugh, despite the situation.

You appreciate his eagerness to help though, even when he points at random boxes with absolutely zero knowledge of what it was.

“What’s the difference in the brands? Is there a difference? Or is it like...when you buy those store brand biscuits and realise they taste the same as the branded biscuits only to find out that they’re made in the same factory and just relabelled?” That makes you snort with amusement, particularly as he’s now holding up a box of Tampax and a store brand to try and see the difference.

He’s not finished yet though, and even though you still feel the urgency to just grab some and run, you can’t help but let him entertain you. Because that’s what he’s doing. You’re not oblivious, you’ve realised over time that if you’re feeling anxious or uncomfortable or shy, Hoseok will often use humour to distract you away from your negativity.

It’s nice, which is why you let him carry on for a minute or so more.

“What are the drops for? And what’s the difference between regular and super? I mean, I think you’re pretty super but is this like...super big or something? Wait, is this plastic?! How does it absorb blood if it’s plastic?” Rolling your eyes at him, you bite your lip to stop the laughter that wants to escape before reaching past him to grab the box you usually buy.

Lifting it, you decide for a quick crash course in tampons. As your boyfriend, you never know when you might need him to run out to the store for some and the last thing you need is him bringing the entirely wrong type back.

“I use Tampax, purely cos it’s just the brand I’ve always used and I’m familiar with it. Super and regular are like the absorption so you’d use a super for the first few days when a period is heaviest. Hence why I’m getting these. The drops are the absorption rating too basically and it’s not plastic, that’s just the applicator that makes it easier to insert.” You say it all pretty quickly, but quietly enough that only he hears. 

Not that there’s any need, the store is loud enough that your conversation can’t be overheard and on top of that, there’s no one in this aisle anyway. But Hoseok nods thoughtfully, scanning the front of the box carefully.

“When we get home, I think I need a crash course in periods because I’m feeling pretty useless and dumb right now.” Laughing, you lean up to kiss his cheek quickly before heading in the direction of the cashiers.

“We can do that for you. It’s better to be educated after all. This is where I find out that you have this bizarre knowledge that is unbelievably wrong and I cringe.” Hoseok doesn’t answer back to that, causing you to look back and chuckle at his meek shrug and wince.

“What can I say? I’ve never had a girlfriend long enough to learn and education in high school was terrible. I’m not even gonna try to defend myself.” Humming lightly, you grin at him as you pay before heading out of the store. Looking in the direction of the toilets, you twist your lips as you consider your options.

“You want to eat at that place, right?” You ask, nodding your head towards the Japanese place that was down the opposite end of the street. Hoseok looks that way and nods, confirming his desire to you. Already you can feel your stomach rumble as you imagine the delicious food.

“Okay, we’ll just go there and I’ll go straight to the restroom in there. Come on.” Reaching you, you take his hand and smile up at him, your walk not so hurried now compared to before. Not that you aren’t completely aware of the fact that you’re free bleeding from your vagina right now, but walking faster might just aggravate it more. 

You had what you needed, so now you could relax a little more.

-

“Why are there so many steps in this? Don’t you get bored?” Hoseok mumbles, his words a little slurred due to the fact you’re rubbing serum into his cheeks. He’s already been here for ages in the bathroom as you’d used a cleanser to clean his face before exfoliating and then using toner on some cotton pads. 

You could tell that he was amused by the whole situation, even though he’d seen you do this many times before. But it was different experiencing it for himself you supposed. Still, he looked so adorable and you cooed to him, squishing his cheeks even more in amusement.

“No. It’s relaxing. You’re supposed to relax.” That makes him scowl, the expression not nearly as intense as he was going for given you’ve got his lips in the cutest pout. Still, you’re finished with that part so you let him go, laughing as he runs his fingers over his skin.

“I’m not relaxed. More...manhandled.” Scoffing, you roll your eyes as you get to work rubbing the serum you need into your skin, focusing on your eyes. The dark circles beneath them were far too...well dark for your liking.

“Okay, how’s your skin lately? Dry? Oily?” Frowning at you, he twists his lips as he considers your question. He’s been taking better care of his skin than he had been before dating you, but you knew that he still didn’t care that much. Surprisingly though, he has an answer for you.

“Dry?” Nodding to yourself, you reach through your box of face masks and pull out a moisturising one. Handing it over to him, you take your own and rip it open, pulling out the mask and carefully putting it on. Hoseok watches you intently before opening up his mask, his face immediately twisting into a cringe.

“Ewwww, oh my god. Why is it so slimy?!” He whines, holding it over the sink like it’s some monster that might kill him. With the mask on your face, you can’t laugh properly like you want to.

“Stop being a baby and put it on.” With a little more whining, he does so, lining it up and putting it onto his face. What follows is then complaints that it’s also cold and feels weird, causing you to roll your eyes at him once more as you help to smooth out any creases in it.

“Right, we’ve got to keep this on for twenty minutes so let’s go watch some Netflix,” Looking over him, you take in how he still manages to look handsome even with a white sheet mask on. “It’s not fair that you always look so good. Honestly.”

Hoseok just shrugs before licking his lips, his reaction immediate as he registers the foul taste. “Oh fuck me, what the fuck. This tastes fucking vile!”

“...you’re not meant to eat it, babe, they don’t make it for the taste.” He washes his hands in the sink to get rid of the remaining residue before following you out to the couch in the living room, Netflix still paused on the large television screen. Kasumi is curled up on her cat tree, fluffy body small as she sleeps quietly.

For around ten minutes, neither of you speak as you continue to watch Warrior Nun. It’s surprisingly got both your attention hooked, so you’re a little surprised when Hoseok suddenly speaks up and distracts you.

“Hey...I know this is a weird time to talk about this but after your whole period thing today it reminded me. So, I’ve been thinking lately. You definitely don’t want kids...right?” He looks at you and you get the impression he would raise his brow if he could. When you nod in response, he blows out a breath slowly.

“Okay...how would you feel if I said I wanted to get a vasectomy? I mean, I know you’ve said you don’t want kids but there’s always a chance that you might and a vasectomy is pretty final. Despite what people say.” Now it’s your for your expression to be mostly hidden by your face mask, your eyes widening until your eyelashes are uncomfortably touching the edges of the holes.

“You want that? I thought guys normally got all weirded out at that prospect. And I don’t want kids, ever. Full stop. Are you sure?” Of all the things you were going to be discussing tonight, you did not expect it to be this. It’s almost amusing that Hoseok has decided right now is the time for something so serious, when you both look so silly.

“I do. I just...I don’t want to risk a pregnancy and I know you’re scared of that too. Also, it’d put less stress on you, I know most birth control is usually aimed at women except for condoms and it’s a lot easier for me to get a vasectomy than for you to get anything done.” That makes you snort in acknowledgement, shifting on the couch until you pull your leg up and wrap your arms around it.

“Yeah, because god forbid a woman not want to fulfil her natural duty and pop out a kid, right?” 

“I’ve been looking into it, I’m pretty sure I could get one. If not, I’ll just talk the doctor’s ear off until they let me. Because it’s gonna happen. It’s way easier and less stressful than anything you have to do.” His dual concern for not wanting to cause an accidental pregnancy that neither of you wanted along with not wanting the burden to fall too heavily on you warms you, causing you to reach out and grasp his hand tightly as you squeeze at it.

“Is it easy? Or quick?” 

“Apparently. Some guys say it doesn’t hurt at all, others said it hurts. But...I’m pretty sure I want it. I just wanted to check with you that you’d be okay with the idea too. As I said, it’s final.” Hoseok smiles at you as best he can, causing you to shuffle a little closer to him. You’d like to rest your head against his shoulder but you’d just get it covered in face mask gunk.

“I mean, it’s your body. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.” Pointing this out to him, you look up and tilt your head, your statement almost a question.

It makes him sigh and focus on your hands, shifting them until he could interlink his fingers with your own. You let him do so, figuring he should probably be taking the lead in this conversation. It is about him after all.

“We’re in a relationship. A serious relationship and this decision would affect both of us. It’s cutting off the chance for biological kids, despite people saying you might be able to reverse it. I feel you should have a say too.” Nodding slowly, you hum lightly as you consider his words carefully.

“Well, if you want it then I’ll support you completely. I never want children so you don’t have to worry about that. It’s your decision, but I just want to make sure you think it over properly and do research, okay? Don’t go rushing into it.” That makes him snort in amusement.

“Meeps, if there’s one thing you should know by now; it’s that men do not take decisions regarding their dick and balls lightly. You can be damn sure I’m going to be 100% in my decision if I’m going to let someone come near my balls with a scalpel or somet.” The way he says this is so matter of fact that you can’t help but laugh, the sound not as big or bright as you’d like it to be given you still had your mask on.

“Man, I can’t believe I’m talking about someone knifing my balls while I’m sitting here looking like a dollar store Michael Myers.” Hoseok points at himself, his bemusement clearly obvious despite his poor Halloween costume and you giggle softly.

Reaching out, you run your fingers through his hair that’s currently being held back by a bandana and smile at him softly. “Come on, let’s go get these off and start looking human again.”

Hoseok follows you immediately, already peeling the face mask off and making casual comments about how the mask isn’t as slimy as it had once been. You take off your own and drop it into the small bin in the bathroom, making sure that he does the same.

“Okay, rub it in and pat it dry. Make sure you get the excess to go on your throat and stuff, it’s good for your skin there too.” Hoseok looks in the mirror, his face shining obscenely from the residue leftover and grimaces.

“Ew, this feels...gross,” One hand presses to his skin, rubbing it in and cringing. “Is this what it feels like when I cum on your face?”

The comment is so random that you pause for a moment, all thoughts disappearing as you comprehend what he’s just said. A glance at him makes you realise he’s being completely serious, his expression focused on rubbing his face as you’d told him. It’s moments like this that make you love him even more, the blasé comments he makes that are so funny and yet also x-rated.

“No...not really. That’s more...well it’s not all over, you know? And it’s thicker than this. And I don’t know why I’m explaining this to you. You know what your cum feels like.” A snort from him gives away his bemusement.

“Yeah, but I’ve never smeared it all over my face before.”

“Maybe you should. Experience it for yourself for once. It’s not all that good for you by the way, despite what people say. It has protein but it’s not enough to make it worthwhile or anything, so don’t think I’m going to be asking you for your special facials anytime soon.” Looking away from him, you grab the next item on your routine before looking at him with a smirk.

“Damn, there goes my plan to be self-sufficient. Could’ve made a whole organic spa thing out of it.” 

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 32

Series Masterlist

Chapter 32

A/N: I finished this kind of quickly and wanted to get it out so I didn’t re-read it, So I hope it’s okay. Italics indicates flashback.

Summary: You and Fred adjust to a home life with three kids, and attend Sidney and Kathy’s wedding.

Warning: Drinking, swearing, smut, oral sex (m+f) receiving

Word Count: 5800

“Hey” you smile wrapping your arms around Kathy.

“Hey come in” she smiles pulling to the hotel room. You walk in seeing the five other bridesmaids and a bottle of champagne already empty on the table. A couple of the girls have face masks on, laughing about something; others are sitting on the couch with half empty glasses. Tomorrow is Sidney and Kathy’s wedding, being a bridesmaid you are staying with the group for a relaxing night before all the festivities begin first thing in the morning.

“You must be so happy to get away for a night” one of the girls says to you, Kathy passing you a red solo cup with champagne.

Tonight is the first night you are without the kids, and its Fred’s first time watching the three of them for a night alone. You chuckle slightly “yeah I feel bad for Fred” you say taking a sip.

“You don’t have to lie to us” Kathy says smirking over her cup.

You smile and chuckle “okay I kind of feel bad for him but I’m also super happy to be away and have a night off. A night with an entire bed to myself, it is going to be amazing.”

“And no diapers or someone puking on you” one of the girls jokes causing everyone to laugh.

The twins have been home for almost 5 weeks and it has been just as crazy as you imagined. You haven’t left Fred alone with the three of them for more than a couple hours at a time; not because you don’t think he can handle them but because you feel bad given how crazy it has been. That is until three weeks ago.

“Freddie” you call walking out to the living room. Fred is lying shirtless on the couch, Noah resting against his chest and Lucas sleeping in his arm. Fred doesn’t respond and you walk further in “shhh daddy’s sleeping” Oliver calls from the floor playing with a puzzle, causing you to smile placing your groceries on the counter.

You had some errands to run and left Fred alone with the three boys for the first time. You felt bad leaving but Fred said he would be fine, but you remember the time you were alone with them and how terribly it went. Fred reassured you everything would be fine so you headed out.

You had a dentist appointment and a hair cut in preparation for the wedding. After your haircut you checked your phone not seeing any notifications and went to get some groceries; but you didn’t notice you had accidentally put your phone on flight mode; preventing calls and texts from getting through.

Your smile quickly fades as you scan the room taking in what has unfolded during your absence. Dishes and bottles were pilled all over the counter; Fred’s shirt is thrown over the back of a barstool. You see some vomit staining his blue t-shirt and chuckle lightly. Oliver has a million toys strewn across the floor his shirt nowhere in sight.

You walk over to Oliver, dodging the blocks scattered around the floor and kiss his forehead “you good for daddy while I was gone?” you ask softly and he nods not looking up from his puzzle.

Your eyes shift to the couch, soft snores leaving his mouth and he has some dried vomit in his hair. You carefully pull Lucas from his arm and Fred doesn’t move. You walk across the room and put him in his baby swing turning it on a soft setting.

When you pick up Noah Fred stirs and his eyes flutter open “hey” he mumbles through a raspy dry voice.

“What happened to his clothes?” you ask eyeing to Noah who is just in a diaper.

“He had a um…incident” he mumbles rubbing his eyes. “Diaper, poop” he pops his hands open to mimic an explosion. “After cleaning him in the sink I never managed to get him some new clothes.”

You sit beside him on the couch bouncing Noah in your arms trying not to laugh, but secretly thankful you missed it. “Lucas projectile vomited all over me” he groans rolling on his side while you brush his hair out of his eyes. “Oliver had something, I don’t even know. He picked up on the stress or wanted attention, I don’t know. He had a meltdown; threw his toys around spilt lunch on himself and the floor. Twins were screaming bloody murder, it was a fucking disaster.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” you ask watching his eyes close again feeling extremely guilty being gone for so long.

“I did, it went right to voicemail, texts undelivered. I figured you just wanted to enjoy your time away” he laughs.

“Sorry babe” you respond lightly placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

“It’s okay, I just don’t remember newborns being this tiring” he mumbles rising up on his elbow. His eyes go wide while he takes in the disaster in front of him..

“Last time we were younger. There was also only one baby then” you respond laying him back on the couch.

“Calling me old babe?” he laughs eyes closing. You kiss his forehead and place a blanket over him “no never” you joke smiling at him. ”Go have a nap I’ll clean up and make dinner.”

“Babe don’t leave me again” he mumbles which causes tears to prick the corner of your eyes; guilt washing over you. You shoot him a soft smile and stand up to get some clothes for Noah.

Since that day three weeks ago neither of you have left the other alone for an extended period of time. That is until now; he reassured you he would be fine, having a few more weeks to adjust to having three kids. You promised to make sure your phone wasn’t on airplane mode and he promised to message you if something happened. But you honestly doubt he would call you tonight, the night before the wedding unless the house was on fire.

A few hours later you are in your pyjamas in your room alone, you want to just curl up under the duvet and wait until the morning light filters in through the window but you know you shouldn’t. You pull your phone out Facetiming Freddie.

“Hey babe” he mumbles. The screen is dark for a second while you wait for him to turn on a lamp. He presses his eyes closed, gently rubbing the sleep from them before squinting at the bright lights.

“We’re you sleeping?” you ask. You look to the clock and it reads 11:06 and you feel a tinge of guilt.

“Yeah well looking after three babies for almost 8 hours gets can be exhausting” he sighs resting his phone against the pillow. “Fell asleep at like 9:30.”

“Sorry go back to bed” you say softly “I’ll see you tomorrow anyways.”

“No I want to hear about your night of freedom” he laughs. “You girls do anything crazy?”

“Room service, mani/pedi’s, face masks, champagne” you say smiling.

“Sounds really nice” he yawns eyes struggling to stay open.

“It is, now I have this king sized bed all to myself” you respond.

“It sucks I miss you in this bed” he whines.

“I’d miss me too” you giggle into the phone.

The corners of Fred’s mouth curl up, “drunk babe?” he laughs.

“We didn’t drink a lot with the wedding tomorrow and everything” you explain, a hiccup coming out of your mouth. You laugh a little bit “maybe I am a bit” you reply and Fred laughs back into the phone.

“I like slightly drunk (Y/N)” he says seductively. “Drunk (Y/N) is fun.”

You grin into the screen and talk a little bit longer, he tells you about his night with the boys. You tell him more about the night with the girls, your buzz from the champagne making you extra talkative. You notice Fred is quiet and see his eyes are shut, having fallen asleep holding the phone. You chuckle and hang up, quickly falling into a deep sleep.

“Oh we’re having kids right away, by this time next year I want there to be a baby” Kathy says from her chair getting her hair done. Sarah the maid of honour walks around handing out some mimosas to everyone before sitting down for her hair.

“I’m legit getting my IUD out 5 hours before we leave for our honeymoon, we aren’t messing around” she says taking a sip.

“Oh I need to get mine” you say quietly, with how busy the past few weeks have been you forgot to make an appointment.

Kathy all but chokes on her mimosa “what do you mean you need to get yours?”

You turn your head meeting her gaze not realizing she heard you. You feel all eyes on you while the hair stylists continue quietly working on your hair. “I’ve just been so busy the past month or so, I completely forgot to make an appointment. Three babies are a lot, were constantly busy.”

“And you think four will be easier?” she scolds from beside you. “Are you trying to get pregnant again!?”

“God no, we are done, we decided pretty soon after finding out it was twins we were done” you saw laughing.

“Then why aren’t you on birth control? You guys are obviously very fertile” Sarah jokes taking a sip from her glass.

“Well the plan was for me to get an IUD after giving birth, but after the emergency C that didn’t happen. But we’ve been so busy since the twins came home; I mean we barely have time for sex.” That part isn’t a lie; you would only need one hand to count how many times you have had sex. Lucas and Noah are on opposite schedules during the night, so when you get one to sleep, you get about 2 hours or so before the other wakes up. Between the limited sleep and chasing a rambunctious toddler who has been boycotting nap time it has led to you and Fred spending most nights actually sleeping instead of tangled in the sheets.

You get some suspicious glances from the girls “a couple nights ago we were getting ready for bed and Fred came up behind me in the bathroom kissing my neck. I finished my routine and walked into the bedroom less than ten minutes later and he was snoring on top of the sheets. It’s pretty common in our house” you laugh.

“Kay, but Oliver took one time” Kathy says.

“Yeah but I’m breast feeding, it’s 99% effective until they are 6 months. I will get an IUD but until then my doctor says we’re protected.” you reply smiling. The women drop it and continue with casual conversation while you finish getting ready.

“You look stunning” Fred says finding you after the ceremony at the fountain outside the venue. The entire wedding party and family members are scattered around in various conversations while the pictures are taken. His hands rest on your waist he leans down to kiss your cheek.

Kathy picked out a navy spaghetti strap dress with a deep v-shaped neckline, the fabric gathers just above your waist. There is a slit coming up your leg, stopping high on your thigh. You have a natural look for makeup complete with nude lips and gold eyes. You have a braid in your hair creating a crown around the back; it then is pulled into an updo at the back of your head with a few loose curls framing your face. Your hair being held back by a million bobby pins shows off the cut of your dress.

“Thanks babe” you respond smiling. You run your hands over his suit jacket “you look amazing too” you rise slightly on your heels to kiss him on the lips. He is wearing a new crisp burgundy suit with a black skinny tie.

“Ok, I look good, but have you seen yourself? I’ll have to thank Kathy later” he jokes placing a hand on your lower back. “This dress babe, absolutely stunning” he leans down to place another kiss on your lips when you get interrupted.

“(Y/N) we need you for a picture” Sarah calls causing Fred to groan and pull away from you.

“Guess I’ll just have to stare at you for the next few hours” he brings his lips to the side of your face “and think of what I’ll do once you’re out of that dress.” He pulls away smirking at you and walking away from you, you feel some wetness pool between your legs. You take a couple deep breaths before joining the group for pictures.

The rest of the wedding goes off without a hitch, throughout the dinner you feel Fred staring at you from his table across the venue. Every time you catch him staring he smiles at you and turns his attention away briefly, only to bring it back a few minutes later. You shake your head at him slightly; your eyes go wide when he licks his lips with his eyes locked on you.

“You know the entire ceremony all I was thinking about was what you’re going to look like in a wedding dress” he whispers hand sliding onto your lower back dancing slowly to the music.

You smile looking past him but turn to meet his gaze “I mean it” he says kissing your forehead “I can’t wait until it’s our wedding.”

“Want to push it to next year?” you ask while he spins you back into his hard chest. You had been discussing taking two years for the wedding just so you aren’t rushed and don’t have to pull time away from your family to get everything done.

“Think we can get everything done in time? Won’t be too stressful for us” he’s holding you close; you can smell his cologne causing your breath to catch in your throat.

“Yeah I was looking at places, and this one castle has a planner that will help coordinate most of the stuff” you respond. “They do the food, alcohol, décor and have an in house photographer and videographer.”

He turns to look at you slightly confused “didn’t know there were any castles in North America.”

“Oh I was thinking Denmark” you say smiling up at him.

Fred stops dancing looking down at you “you want to get married in Denmark?”

“Yeah” you smile. “It’s so beautiful there, and it’s where you’re from.”

“And you’re from Canada; there are a lot of beautiful places there. You don’t want to get married there?” he asks.

“Canada doesn’t have castles, besides we can leave the boys at your moms and go on our honeymoon” you say causing a large grin to cross his face while he resume dancing.

“So Denmark, next summer” he repeats with a smile on his face. You nod in agreeance feeling Fred’s lips press against yours; you release his arm sliding a hand up to the back of his neck. You open your mouth to deepen the kiss. You feel Fred lean forward, tilting you back your other hand gripping the back of his neck. Your moans are swallowed by the kiss, his hand sliding slightly lower to your ass where it stays for a few more songs.

You see the other guests making their way to the roof and follow the crowd. You lean your head back onto Fred’s chest, his hand resting on your stomach. You tilt your head to the sky, watching as it lights up in a colourful display. Fred’s thumb gently rubs circles on your stomach, a soft sigh leaving your lips while you watch the fireworks.

“I love you” Fred whispers in your ear part way through the show “I’m so lucky to have you.”

You turn around in his grip, wrapping your arms around him under his jacket resting your head on his chest. A slight shiver courses through your body from the cool night air, arms tightening against his body. Fred pulls away and pulls his jacket off and drapes it over your shoulders. You tilt your head, your gaze shifting from the fireworks to Fred’s eyes.

The colours in the sky reflecting off his eyes while he smiles down at you. The heels you are wearing help to close the gap, but you still have to lift up slightly to press your lips to his. One of Fred’s hand rests on your back inside his jacket, the other gripping the back of your neck. It runs slightly into your hair getting caught in the curls and bobby pins currently holding it in place.

You open your mouth for him, his tongue sliding in. Your hips involuntarily arch forward into his touch, hands sliding up his stubbled chin. His hand on your back slides down giving your ass a firm squeeze causing you to pull away slightly with your draw dropping open,.

“Relax my jacket is long enough nobody can see” he mumbles bringing his lips closer to yours again. You can see the half smile tugging at the sides of his mouth when his lips come crashing back against yours.

“How long do we have to stay” you mumble into the kiss.

You hear Fred groan and feel his half erection pressing into your stomach. He pulls his left hand away to look at the watch wrapped around it “its only 11” he responds causing a loud groan to slip from your lips. Luckily the firework display muffles you from nearby guests.

“We have a very comfortable bed waiting for us” you continue resting your hand on his chest feeling some moisture that has collected from the dancing throughout the night.

“A bed where we can sleep uninterrupted” he jokes “no kids.”

You laugh turning your gaze back to the firework show as they prepare for the finale. “Sleeping in, breakfast in bed” he groans under his breath, you clench your legs

A few hours later after many more drinks you are finally walking into the hotel elevator. As soon as the door closes Fred is on you, hoisting you up with ease. He presses your back to the wall, your legs naturally wrapping around him. His hand slides to the bottom of your thigh, while his other to your thigh where your leg slit has left you exposed. He runs his hand up your skin stopping when he hits your hip bone. His thumb plays gently with the cloth covering your core his mouth peppering kisses along your exposed collarbone only stopping when the door dings open.

He sets you down, adjusting his jacket while you fix the fabric that has shifted from your breasts. He leads you down the hall holding the door open for you. You step out of your shoes and Fred immediately loosens his tie pulling it over his head, throwing it along with his jacket on the floor. Fred turns and bends down throwing you over his shoulder while making his way to the bed.

He throws you onto the bed a light squeal escapes from you. You hear his shoes be kicked to the side, next is a belt buckle clanging on the hardwood floor and last his vest is discarded on the ground. You rest on your forearms watching as he undoes a couple buttons from his neck. You swallow the lump in your throat feeling wetness pool between your legs.

You think about how you could stare at Fred all night while he rolls the sleeves of his dress shirt up, showing off his muscular forearm. Before you have a chance to stare much longer Fred crawls over you locking you in a hungry and passionate kiss. He bends your knee his hand running up and down the exposed skin from your slit.

He crawls down you climbing inside the bottom of your dress hooking your legs over his shoulders in the process. He slowly arches your back off the bed pulling your underwear down your legs. You feel him alternate between kissing and sucking the side of your thigh, while a deep exhale leaves your lips.

He nips your skin slowly approaching the area you need him most, his beard rubbing against your folds. He turns his head, warm breath blows against you coming closer to you. His nose presses into your clit first, followed by his mouth gently attaching to you. He flattens his tongue and licks a stripe up you, your head falling back into the pillow.

He groans against you “you’re so wet baby” he mumbles placing long licks, cleaning up what has been pooling all night.

“You’ve seen yourself right” you moan while he dip his tongue inside your walls. You feel the corners of his lips curl up at your comment licking deep inside you. Your heels dig into his back; you reach down to grab his hair but are met with the chiffon fabric of your dress. You bring them down to your side and grip the bedding his nose digging in deeper into your clit.

You buck your hips up towards his face, his hands slide over your hips pulling you down closer to his face. You start rocking your hips against his face and tongue moaning loudly. He flicks his tongue sucking against your clit.

“Oh fuckkkkk” you moan loudly. Too loudly; feeling his tongue hitting inside your sweet spot. He throws his arm over your hips pinning you to the mattress; he rolls his head around in circles, grunting and moaning into your pussy. You feel your orgasm building when he curls his tongue inside you. He brings up two fingers sliding them in and opening you up further moaning at the taste of you.

Your legs tighten around his head holding him closer to you while you clench around his tongue. He works you through your orgasm continuing the pace until you stop. You relax against him when you are finished and he pulls his tongue out all the way cleaning you up. You expect him to stop but he continues to lick up and down your pussy, flicking at your clit when he gets to it. His fingers curl in hitting your sweet spot he hits it a few times tongue flicking against your clit. He brings you to another quick orgasm, this one so strong your legs shaking around him. Your knuckles are white and you tremble; his tongue still working you through it.

He pulls his head away slowly, his beard grazing along your thighs. You shiver at the contact and the feeling of your sensitive cut being released.

“You need more clothes like this” he says head popping out from your dress “the leg slit is very useful.”

You tilt your head laughing while your grip eases on the bedding. “I’ll be sure to add some in to my wardrobe, flowy dresses are very convenient with newborns.”

Fred crawls up towards you, juices glistening off his beard a smile plastered on your face. “Good” he mumbles bringing his lips to yours. You moan tasting yourself on him and feeling his painfully hard member pressing into your stomach.

He pushes your straps down your shoulders and he gently lifts your back feeling around for a zipper. “It’s on the side” you whisper turning slightly to allow him better access. You hear the zipper while he slowly drags it down you helping you out of it. He throws it over to the side, falling off the chair onto the floor.

His mouth immediately attached to your breast sucking on the nipple. You bring your hands down to his waist fumbling with the button as his thumb reattaches to your clit. A loud gasp leaves your lips having not recovered from your previous two orgasms. He chuckles mumbling something against your exposed flesh while you try to focus through the pleasure to push his pants down his thighs.

His mouth switches to the other breast; you bring your hands up to address his shirt. You lift a leg trying to push his pants down with your foot. Fred’s thumb presses harder into your clit causing a loud moan to leave your lips.

“Freddie” you whine unable to concentrate on stripping him. His head pops up “yeah babe?” he asks knowing exactly what you want.

“You need to stop so I can take your clothes off.”

He just smiles at you and pulls away resting on his knees. He undoes the final two buttons and pushes his dress shirt off his body; you see beads of sweat rolling down his chest. He pushes his pants and boxers of his legs his cock springing free. A light moan escapes your lips watching it slap against his stomach. It’s painfully hard, head glistening with precum your mouth waters thinking about wrapping your lips around it

“You can’t” he whispers following your gaze. A pout comes across your lips “just a little” you whine back.

He groans and falls onto his back shaking his head at you “just a taste” he responds bending an arm behind his head. “Thanks” you hum adjusting yourself between his legs.

You wrap your lips around the tip, and slowly take more and more into your mouth until he is hitting the back of your throat. You can hear Fred moaning, you look up at him through your lashes half expecting him to cum then and there from the sounds he is making. You swirl your tongue around him, running it up the vein on the underside, he attempts to grab your hair but is met by a mess of hairspray and pins.

You rise up leaving just the tip remaining in your mouth. You smirk up at him and bring your mouth down, your nose hitting his pelvis. His hips lift off the bed while you do this a few more times. Finally you feel him grip your hair and pull you off him, saliva dripping down your chin.

“I said a taste” he growls pushing you onto your back. You feel him poke at your entrance and slowly push into you. You take a sharp inhale feeling him stretch your walls from the limited sex you have had with him recently.

He continues to gently push in you, staring at you and watching your expression the entire time while you accommodate him. He goes slowly but with determination, gently thrusting back and forth as he works his way deeper inside you. Your hands find the back of his neck, gripping his chain pulling his forehead down to yours.

The pain slowly turns into pleasure while he continues his gentle but persistent pace. His forehead is glued to yours, his brown eyes never leaving yours. Each thrust going slightly deeper than the last, Fred biting his lower lip the entire time.

You can hear how wet you are every time he thrusts into you, finally he bottoms out. His pelvis connects with yours, the head of his cock pressing up against your cervix, just gently pushing it. He softly grunts feeling your warm walls holding him in; muttering under his breath. "So sexy …Fuck..Milking my cock".

Your legs wrap around his waist, a hand sliding down his neck to his bicep. Fred picks up the pace, your nails digging crescent shaped marks in his muscles. He moves your legs so they are against his shoulders, getting even deeper inside you. You turn into a writhing mess under him, your third orgasm swiftly building. Fred snaps his hips, fucking into you faster and faster.

Your hips arch off the bed, the room being filled with your loud moans. Fred smirks knowing exactly where you are thrusting faster as you cum for him. You clench around him holding him tightly inside you, walls fluttering around his cock.

And then, Fred groans, and you are met with his familiar warmth filling you up. He gives you a few more slow thrusts before releasing your legs and he practically melts on top of you. You lightly rake your hand over his sweaty back while he moans softly, your heart rates slowly returning to normal.

His soft moans turn into soft snores. He is fully on top of you, his dick still resting inside of your walls. If it wasn’t for the exhaustion you would have woken him up, but you know how much he needs the sleep so you allow your eyes to close using the man above you as a blanket.

You are the first to wake up in the morning, Fred now lying beside you on his back. At some point you both made your way under the sheets which are hanging low on his hips. You cautiously crawl out of bed, careful to not wake the sleeping man beside you.

You return from the bathroom a few minutes later having pulled out a bunch of the pins in your hair and notice the sheet had slipped down past his waist. His beautiful cock right there on display.

You consider waking him up in a way that has been appreciated in the past but decide to let him sleep a little longer. You walk around the bed lifting the sheet and crawling back in. Fred feels the bed shift and his eyes flutter open, you lying on your arm looking at him.

“Morning” he mumbles through a hoarse voice.

“Hey” you whisper brushing the hair from his forehead.

“What time is it?” he asks rolling onto his side to look at you. He smiles, his brown eyes opening completely to look at you. You reach for your phone but it’s off causing you to groan and rise up to look at the clock on the table beside him. “Fuck your beautiful” he says bringing his thumb to rub up and down your arm.

You go to smile until you see the time “fuck Fred it’s after 11.” You quickly throw the sheet off to get out of the bed but he easily grips you pulling you back down to the bed.

“Babe” you whine “checkout is 10.”

“Well that’s long gone” he laughs. You try to push him away but he firmly holds you to his chest. He chuckles at your meek attempt to free yourself “it’s not a big deal, we’ll just have to pay for another night.” Fred rolls on top of you, his entire weight pinning you below him.

“But Christie” you start. You only have her booked until 12, and you still have to pack and do the 30 min drive across the city.

“I scheduled her til 2” he mumbles lips attaching to your neck. Before you can process what he said or respond there is a knock on the door forcing him to pull away. He stands up and throws his dress shirt your way for you to cover up with while he quickly pulls his dress pants up his large thighs.

He waits for you to do some of the buttons and adjust the blankets around your waist then opens the door. You hear some muffled talking and some creaking and are met by a man wheeling in a table with breakfast. His eyes go wide seeing you in bed, Fred’s white dress shirt doing little to hide your perked nipples. His eyes linger a little causing your cheeks to heat up; when Fred clears his throat causing the man to excuse himself and leave the room.

“You planned this” you exclaim hearing the door shut.

“That guy couldn’t have been any more obvious” he ignores you walking over to pour you some coffee.

“Fred” you say grinning at him waiting for a response.

“Yes I obviously planned this. He pours some syrup over the french toast and brings a piece to your mouth. You open slightly the fork sliding between your lips. You moan, your mouth being filled with amazing flavours.

“When I booked the hotel I made it for three nights. I actually considered trying to get you stay, but I knew there was no way you would leave the boys for three nights.” You smile at him over your mug loving that he knows you that well. As much as you have enjoyed the 36 or so hours away you can’t wait to get back to your sons.

“That and I felt bad for Christie if we had of left her alone for two nights” he laughs biting a piece of bacon.

“I figured we both could use a day to sleep in” he says bringing more french toast to you. “So I ordered us a late breakfast.”

“And my phone” you respond knowing you had an alarm set, picking up a fork and dig in to the hash browns.

“You put it in my pocket and wandered off to the bar. I just turned it off” he shrugs while you laugh. He places a quick kiss on your cheek “have to admit it was a good plan.”

He quickly returns his attention to the breakfast shovelling in a few more bites. You laugh resting your head on his shoulder “yeah you’re pretty awesome” you respond setting your mug back on the table. You feel a pin digging into the side of your skull and pull away, walking to the mirror you pull out the few you had forgotten earlier.

You hear the clatter of cutlery on the table, and Fred wheels it a few feet out of the way. His arm grips around your waist pulling a squeal from your mouth “you look incredible in my shirt” he groans pulling you to the bed. His thumb grips your hip while he bends you over the foot of the bed, his pants quickly landing in a pile at his feet.

You press your hips back feeling his erection press into your ass. He pushes his shirt up exposing you to him, he brings a hand firmly to your ass. You groan feeling pain radiate in your cheek and wetness build in your core. His hard cock grazes your folds soaking up some of your juices before he slams in to you.

Unlike last night you aren’t given time to adjust. Your ass is immediately met by his stomach, him pressed fully inside of you while he begins a fast pace. Your fists clenched on the sheet, your pussy clenches around his cock. You moan loudly, screaming into the duvet and pushing yourself back onto him.

Wedding look:

Next Chapter

[booitislife]

Let’s Talk About Periods

My period is horrible. I have heard people who don’t get periods say: “It can’t be that bad.” Yes, yes it can. Some studies suggest that cramps can be a worse pain for women than a heart attack. My period technically starts a few days before bleeding. I get a period flu. A period flu is a few days of unexplained illness and flu-like symptoms (low grade fever, chills, etc) a few days before your period starts. I didn’t used to get this, but my body decided I needed this. The first time I got it, my doctor put me on antibiotics thinking I had a sinus infection. (She is proactive about fevers because I am a transplant patient).

My minor symptoms are bloating, diarrhea, lethargy, sometimes headaches, I get irritable, my breasts hurt for a few days, and some other lesser inconveniences. However - my biggest two issues? Pain and bleeding.

Bleeding - I bleed for eight to ten days every month. Usually the first one and last two of the cycle are light. I tend to have one or two very heavy days, depending on the month, and when I say heavy - I mean clots. Lots of them. I will soak through a ten hour pad in less than two hours. I have lost so many pairs of underwear. I now have “period underwear” that is darker or just old so I don’t care if it gets stained. The rest of the days are moderate.

Pain - This is the worst part of my period. I start cramping on day one and I usually don’t stop until the second to last day of my period. When I say it’s bad - I mean excruciating. I was once taken to the hospital by my mom because I couldn’t breathe right during cramps. The doctors rushed me in, thinking I was having a miscarriage, a burst cyst, or maybe appendicitis. They did lab work and ultrasounds. While I was waiting they gave me fentanyl, which is 80-100x stronger than morphine. I could still feel the pain. It dulled it, but didn’t negate it. The doctor came back in shock - there was nothing wrong. No miscarriage, no cysts, and my appendix looked great. These were just the cramps I was going to have to live with. I was given pain meds for every month - 20 - to deal with that I’m going through.

I have a few period journal entries that I would like to post. If you don’t want to read, please scroll down past the blue writing. Sadly, these are only four of dozens of examples.

September 17, 2020 - Day 5 of my period.

Woke up with horrible cramps that were so bad I was shaking. Slept on the couch again because I was tossing and turning so much from the pain. Didn’t fall asleep until nearly 4. Passed a clot which, usually by day 5, will alleviate some of the pain, but it didn’t. The exhaustion took over and I fell asleep until about 11:30, but when I woke up I was so tired I could barely move.

November 16, 2020 - Day 4 of my period.

I could not sleep last night. The pain is intense and comes in waves. The bleeding started to get heavy a little after 7AM. It’s a little after 8:30 when I’m writing this and I have passed 2 large clots and probably 5-6 smaller ones. I soaked through 1 pad already. I’m going back to bed and hopefully sleep for a few hours. Woke up with horrible cramps. Haven’t been able to get out of bed. Managed to get some food down to take my antibiotic, but that’s it. I am exhausted and the pain is radiating to my knees.

February 9, 2021 - Day 3 of my period.

I finally fell asleep around three, but I woke up a little after five with searing cramps. They went down my legs and around my back. I could barely think straight. I took meds, tried meditation, used a heating pad. Nothing helped, I finally passed a big clot and the pain subsided. I moved to the couch and was almost asleep when the pain started again around 9. I did everything the same - meds, meditation, heat. I’m going to try to get some more sleep.

April 14, 2021 - Day 2 of my period.

Having trouble getting to sleep. After taking pain meds and using pain cream on my back, the pain is just getting worse. I almost fell asleep, but woke up in pain. It’s 1:30 AM, and I am heading downstairs to lay on the couch with my heating pad. I can’t get comfortable and the pain is getting worse. It’s 5AM. I still can’t sleep. The pain is very bad. I just want to sleep through it and I can’t. Couldn’t sleep. The pain has somehow gotten worse over the afternoon. As of right now, I have pain meds in my system, pain cream on my back and abdomen, I took a very hot bath, and I am now laying with a heating pad. I am still in searing pain. I can’t do this much longer. I burst into tears a few minutes ago. Why won’t someone help me?

I have asked doctors, so many times, to have a hysterectomy. At first I was told I was too young. Then? I was told my husband would need to sign off on such a procedure. My husband was more than ready. If anything, he was just overtly appalled that he would have to do that, or that any doctor worth there degree would ask that. He asked what it would take for him to get a vasectomy. They said just call a urologist. “Would she have to sign off?” He asked indicating me, and when he was told no he said: “This is a ridiculous double standard. booitislife can make her own choices.”

I have seen 6 OBGYN’s in the last 8 years. The first told me I was too young. She offered a procedure called an Endometrial ablation. It does greatly reduce the bleeding issues. However, I wasn’t really worried about the bleeding - I was worried about the pain. She told me it wouldn’t really do anything for the pain, so I said no. I have to be careful with my transplanted kidney and any kind of anesthesia can be dangerous.

The second OBGYN was a man in the same office who was also conducting a cervical biopsy on me. I’ll never forgot the intense flash of pain and how I nearly yelled, but I did start to cry. According to my husband there was blood spray on the floor as the doctor looked up at me and said in a condescending voice - “That doesn’t hurt! Come on!” And then he laughed. He wouldn’t even discuss a hysterectomy. From that biopsy I learned I have pre-cancer on my cervix and underwent a LEEP procedure. They use a hoop wire heated by electric current to scrape off the parts that could become dangerous.

The third was about a half an hour away at a bigger hospital. He was the guy who did an endometrial biopsy on me. Different than the cervical biopsy, this was just a precaution after something looked off. He wasn’t as condescending as the others, and that biopsy came back normal. However, he wouldn’t do the hysterectomy either. He said I should go to a doctor in a hospital that has a transplant team - seemed reasonable.

Between the 3rd and 4th doctores I had been doing my research. I went to my nephrologist that was keeping track of my transplanted kidney, and told him about my struggles. He said he saw no issue with me getting a hysterectomy and, in fact, I should. He even confirmed with the current head of transplant from the hospital I had my transplant surgery in. So, I was off - feeling more confident. This new OBGYN was a doctor at my transplant hospital.

The fourth OBGYN - or as I call him “The Biggest Mother Fucker I had the displeasure to meet”. He dismissed a lot of my concerns quickly, and talked to me as if I didn’t know anything. Then, he asked if I wanted to try an IUD. Now, I have nothing against anyone who gets an IUD. If that is for you, and it’s working - awesome. I know my brain. I know my brain would focus on everything bad an IUD could do. I politely explained this to my doctor. This wasn’t an option for me. My panic would go crazy. He wrote some things down and told me he wanted to to a procedure just to check for any cancer cells that could be hiding, but (and oh yes, there was a big but) he would only do the procedure if I signed yes to getting a Mirana IUD. I had to sign a consent form before he would even schedule the procedure. So, I did. Then I canceled my procedure and never went to see him again. Oh, also, this asshole handed me pro-life pamphlets on my way out.

The fifth OBGYN - more trusting, no results. At this point I was exhausted. I was tired of trying and being let down, fighting to get an appointment. This OBGYN was a woman and she worked in the same office as the second guy I went to. I laid it all out for her. I told her what the previous doctor did. I told her about the pain, about not being able to barely move. I poured out my heart and soul to her. She empathized, then told me she did not feel comfortable doing my hysterectomy. Because the uterus is close to the transplanted kidney, she thought I needed a specialist. A type of doctor called an OBGYN oncologist. As luck would have it, there was one on staff at my transplant hospital. I waited and waited for an appointment. I waited for over a year. Finally they called and said they were just too booked. They had one doctor who did it, and it was most dire cases first. I understand that. So, I wasn’t angry or frustrated this time. The office at the hospital asked me if I would like to see another OBGYN on staff. I said as long as it wasn’t OBGYN Biggest Mother Fucker I had the Displeasure to Meet. I asked if it could be a woman and we set it up.

Okay, the last one for now. The OBGYN they set me up with was a resident. She seemed nice at first. We sat and talked about my pain, the exhaustion. She wanted to talk birth control options. Great. Her advice to me was to stay away from the shot and the implant. She agreed about the IUD not being right for me. So, she said she wanted me to start talking the pill. I stopped her. I had been on the pill twice. Once when I was 16, another time when I was 24. Two different kinds. Both times I had side effects. The most prominent was this intense stomach cramp. I would get headaches, nausea, extreme weight gain. I couldn’t live my life. I told this doctor that and she didn’t even look at me in the eye when she said...... “Well, I won’t even consider a hysterectomy until you’re on six full months of birth control.” It didn’t matter what other symptoms I had. It didn’t matter what I was and wasn’t comfortable with, not really. So, here I am, looking for lucky number 7 when it comes to OBGYN’s.

As I sit here tonight, losing a lot of blood through clots, being so tired I can’t think, but in too much pain to sleep. I found myself so angry. About an hour before I started writing this I had a pretty big panic attack. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. But - Tuesday night I slept for three hours. Last night I slept about five. Tonight it is almost 3 AM and I’m still awake. The pain is exhausting, but also keeps me awake. It also makes me tense. So, parts of my body started tingling. Instead of my logical side taking over and saying, “Yeah, you have been clenching for four days. You’re gonna feel odd things.” I convinced myself I was dying and had to take medicine. I am so tired on a deep level. I don’t want to have to go through this anymore, and I don’t know if that makes me sound selfish... I just.., I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS ANYMORE.

So, here we are. If you experience cramps like I do, I am so truly sorry. You don’t deserve them, and if I could do something to help you - I would in a heartbeat. People should not have to live like this. Doctors should listen to us and hear when we say that something like this is, genuinely, detrimental to our lives. If we want permanent birth control whether it be our tubes tied, an ablation, or a hysterectomy - it’s our body. We should decide what we can do with it. Please don’t stop fighting. Please don’t stop advocating for yourself. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Have a good night, anyone who reads this. Thank you for reading this long-winded rant. Take care of yourself.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

today on the “am i the asshole?” reddit:

the body education page that i follow on fb posted this yesterday and i was grossed out. when will men stop trying to police girls/women’s choices and bodies??? can someone please explain to me how a 13yo choosing to use/a mother showing her daughter how to use tampons is sexualising a 13yo???? i’m pretty sure you’re the only one who thinks that, mr AITA.

like i could concede and say that 13 is a bit early for tampons... because, hell, i still don’t use them often, or at all if i can help it; and i’m in my 20s.... but if your daughter is comfortable with them at 13, then good for her. and also. if she’s asking about birth control, maybe she’s having trouble with her period pain??? maybe she’s asking early- a few years early to boot- to know the options of birth control she has when she’s old enough? that’s a smart kid. not a child who is “using it as an excuse to become sexually active.” because i didn’t even ask my doctor about birth control/the pill until i was literally 20!!! and that was because i had shoddy asf sex ed in catholic school, that dodged around the pill ALL THE TIME even in science class- which is the one place where you’d think catholic school could teach sex ed on an okay level- but they didn’t. or maybe she wants it just for acne? that’s another reason i went on birth control: to help get rid of my bad cystic acne caused by my painful periods/fucky hormones. and it did the job.

i didn’t even tell my friends about my period pain until i changed schools at 16/17. or even tell my family until about 19/20. mostly this is all because i didn’t know how to word it. and at the time, i didn’t know if my friends in catholic school from years 7-10 would have believed me- since i did have a fairly iffy attendance record that i’m pretty sure they were sick & tired of covering for me with excuses like “flu” etc nearly every month.

the fact that your daughter is asking about the pill or other BC options at 13 is brave imo, considering that i was too awkward to even talk about it with my own doctor- YES. MY OWN DOCTOR- until i was an adult.... and this is coming from someone who had to skip school nearly every month throughout high school; because her periods were so fucking debilitating and painful that she couldn’t move or was literally physically throwing up most cycles that she didn’t want to go to school for a week to a week and a half- so that she could avoid questions from both her fellow students and her teachers.

the reason i had to ask for birth control in the end at 20 was because i realised that if i ever got a good grad job or an internship in sydney... i couldn’t be found passed out on a fucking office bathroom floor (like i was doing in 2012/2013 at tafe/technical college when i forced myself to go so as to not affect my attendance record to risk failing years 11 & 12) at least 1hr 50mins (instead of 25mins at tafe) from home at the shortest travel to central syd- trying to ease my period pain with the coolness of the tiles- along with staff freaking out like “are you sure you don’t need medical assistance or an ambulance???” or “your periods can’t be that bad. suck it up, get up and get back to work.” like thanks, janet from the social media accounts team. how about you have my fucky ovaries instead and tell me how you like it??? but anyway. me? experience the pure mortification of dealing with that on an internship??? no fucking way. the thought of throwing up on my boss’s/supervisor’s shoes just bc my periods were like “good luck holding down your lunch 😅😁!!!”???? utterly horrifying.

i needed birth control. i absolutely NEEDED to go on the pill (or get an IUD etc etc). and thank god i fucking admitted that to myself and my doctor at that point. because otherwise, i wouldn’t be able to function during my period week- like at all. but with the pill??? it’s gone. all gone. except for the headaches and bad cramps. but they’re few and far between now. as is the throwing up- which happens once every blue moon. but. i can do shit. i can move. i can exercise. i no longer absolutely dread the arrival of my period every month, like i did in my teens. it’s been a great turn around for my mental health/well-being and my social life; as well as and my overall health and well-being.

like, sir, if your daughter has periods like my periods were in high school..... that’s probably why she’s asking about the pill/other birth control. because most of the time, taking multiple advil tablets at once, and sometimes twice a day.... and then laying in bed all day because your period pain and headache etc are that awful that it’s better if you don’t have to fucking move or think all day..... is no fucking way for a teenager to live her life. literally dreading your period every month bc you don’t know just how bad it’ll be, is no fun for a teenage girl, either.

obviously i’m making huge assumptions about this guy’s daughter. but still. the guy is a fucking asshole. plus if you think that your wife is sexualising your daughter by showing her how to use tampons, you’re the one with the fucking creep issue. not your wife.

[legisaskerator]

tw medical shit vent idk I would read more but idk how on mobile

I’m so anxious right now it’s ridiculous

Tomorrow (technically today now I guess) I’m getting another IUD put in and I’m absolutely a fucking wreck lads. like I just got sick from the nerves :// the first time I got it was easily one of the most painful experiences of my life and I bled for a full month afterwards

But like I HAVE to have this IUD. I have severe menstrual issues and having an IUD halted my cycle completely- hadn’t had a period in over three years. but then I started spotting and noticing that I was having withdrawal from the IUD (Mirena). I was extremely nauseous and more anxious than I’ve ever been in my life. I have diagnosed GAD yeah but this was beyond anything I ever felt even pre-treament (when my GAD7 #s were high enough to warrant hospitalization lmao) and this felt so much like an outside source. The day after I had my old one removed I felt like a switch had been flicked. No more anxiety. I was finally coming down....and down....and down....and fell into a really deep depression. For a while. I’m still trying to pick myself out of it and it’s been about a month.

I wish there were other options f or me but I really really feel like I dont have a choice. First, I’m hormone sensitive, and reacted really badly to the pill (I was on a few different ones for a total of like four years). I need something permanent that’s going to basically halt my cycle. My cramps were so bad I would puke. I bled for weeks at a time, so heavy I’d use a S+ tampon in an hour. It was AWFUL. Then the Mirena gave me blissful reprise...for a while anyway.

The removal was awful as well. I went to a different clinic than I normally do because mine was shut for COVID, and, god. I was so humiliated. Dehumanized. I went to ask questions and I was very very anxious, yes I cried. Instead of talking to me and helping me understand my options, the doctor told me that I needed to go home and educate myself, that I shouldn’t have birth control if I was going to be like that. I sobbed for fucking hours after that. It was painful and they didn’t listen to me at all and humiliated me.

I am so, so scared for 11:15. I don’t even think I can bring my boyfriend in with me because of COVID restrictions but I really can’t do this alone I don’t know what I’m going to do 😭 I just want to go to bed but I’m too much of a wreck. I didn’t even eat dinner cause I’m so frightened. Please just let me find some solace 😔

[heweightlossjourney]

Introductions

**PRO ANA, PRO MIA, AND THINSPO ACCOUNTS DO NOT INTERACT**

Hello to anyone reading this. I’m H and I’ve started this sideblog to document my weight loss and keep myself accountable. Let me start with a little backstory:

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been super active, though I was on a couple sports teams at various points throughout my school life. I always overate as a kid and I still do it now. Eating has been a coping mechanism for me my entire life, and I would say that I am addicted to food. 

I have generally been okay being heavy, but bullying is a bitch and I know that other people’s perception of me affected me and made me a nasty bitch in middle school and high school. I wasn’t in a place to understand why I acted out until I was able to distance myself from my long term abusive boyfriend and my dad stopped drinking and got out of his abusive/toxic situation. Now, I understand the effects that the trauma in my life has had on me and I’m calmer and more level-headed, so I am in a good place to start working on my physical health in conjunction with my mental health. 

I know that my self-image right now isn’t healthy, and I am aiming to love my body. I am trying hard not to think of the things I might want after this, like skin removal surgery and breast reshaping, but it is hard not to imagine myself with a little sprucing up. While I don’t want to scrutinize over every flaw I have, I think the best way I can motivate myself to keep it up is taking note of my body and how I perceive certain areas, so I will update this with my reflection on how my body looks every so often. 

Over the time I have been not working because of COVID-19, I have gained weight, but I have also started keeping up with infamous obese youtubers like Amberlynn Reid and Foodie Beauty, and watching channels like Charlie Gold and Petty Kitten react to them. I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a kick in the ass to not become as big as them, but also a motivator knowing that I will never be like that, I won’t allow myself to be like them, and that I am a better person than they are. I know that thinking like that is mean and cruel, but I am here to lose weight, not monetize my addiction and appeal to feeders while maintaining an attitude of entitlement and oblivion.

While we are at it, let me just name a few of my rock bottom moments:

- my abusive ex boyfriend calling me “Whaley”

- being too heavy to ride horses

- being too big for a ride at the fair and having to get off it in front of a ton of people in public

- my brother swiping the back of m head like a debit machine

- my ability to polish of a lot of food in one go

- my lack of stamina standing, walking, exercising, being on top during sex

- crushing my boyfriend when I lay on him

- being too big to fit into 3x clothing on websites like dollskill that actually sell some interesting clothing for bigger ladies

Without too much more delay, let’s get into the facts:

Age: 18

Height: 5′11

Starting Weight: 333 pounds

Current Weight: 329 pounds

Total Loss: 4 pounds

BMI: 45.9

BMI Goal: 25

Current Goal: 300 pounds by day 30

Day: 4

Health Concerns: Morbid Obesity, PCOS and Insulin Resistance, Lactose Intolerance, Depression, Anxiety, Food Addiction.

Diet Plan: OMAD (one meal a day) and intermittent fasting. 

The diet I have chosen to follow, OMAD, is one of many different diets I have tried over the course of my life. I have tried keto, I have tried vegetarianism, I have tried slimfast. The reason I have chosen this particular diet this time is because of the freedom to eat pretty much anything within the hour I set aside for myself to eat each day. It’s hard to fuck yourself up too much in an hour. After having done the diet for a few days, here is what I have noticed about it:

- I get hangry

- I am somewhat nocturnal and often sleep from 6am - 2pm, and it makes it so much easier

- The boost in energy after my feels like I am on top of the world, and the naps while digesting fuckin rock, sleepy is a good feeling when you have time set aside for it

- It is a lot of mental will power to look at my favourite foods and say no

- It is a lot of mental will power not to cram 3 meals into an hour

- It is hard to pick what I want for dinner

- Cravings hit hard

- Black Coffee is nasty

- It is easier not to consume dairy with OMAD, and not have diarrhea everyday is nice.

There are some things I have noted as well, like eating dairy at all is a big mistake. It is unpleasant to only feel full for a short period of time before violently emptying the contents of my digestive tract. The effects of lactose has on my body go so much quicker when it is the only thing I have in my body at the time. Lactaid is very hit and miss for me, and by the way the chewable tablets are actually the devil incarnate and I hate them. I have tasted vanilla in my life and that isn’t it. 

I chose this diet because my boyfriend does fasting as his preferred diet method, and while I wish I could fast all day, my job requires me to have energy and I am not a happy hungry lady. I intend to do OMAD long term, but may change it up slightly if I start to struggle when I get back to work. 

It should also be noted that I seriously do not recommend this diet to anyone who struggles with disordered eating (me), depression (me), anxiety (me), obesity (me), anyone who has an affliction that would make it safer for them to consume more than one meal a day (me), and people who have medications they need to take with food (me). This diet is not recommended by doctors for long term weight loss, my endocrinologist was frankly a bit shocked when I told her, and it can cause a host of problems included but not limited to:

- triggering of eating disorders

- lack of protein 

- excess of carbs

- diarrhea (thanks, really needed more of that)

- nausea

- dizziness

- weakness

- extreme fatigue

So let me go ahead here and describe a little bit about my health issues, namely my PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome. PCOS is a hormonal disorder. It can cause increased levels of androgen in the body, increased hair, insulin resistance, excessive hair growth, male pattern baldness, weight gain, irregular periods, fertility problems, increase risk of developing type 2 diabetes, increase risk of high blood pressure and high cholesterol, acne and oily skin, depression, and sleep apnea, as well as increase the risk for endometrial cancers, and obviously, cause ovarian cysts. This disorder can be passed from mother to daughter, and I got it from my mom. I have been suffering with this for years.

The biggest effects on my body have been my weight, my depression, irregular periods and cysts. I currently have an IUD in place to help with the symptoms, but my periods are not even close to regular and are often brown in colour. Before hormonal birth control, I would have 2-3 periods per year that lasted about a month at a time. These periods were heavy and excruciatingly painful, and the clots I birthed were like jellyfish. I often lost enough blood to become anemic. 

It should be noted that my PCOS has caused me to be resistant to insulin, and that can make it hard to lose weight and also cause some brown discolouration on the skin, which I have had on my chest and neck. I remember my mom used to scrub at my neck thinking it was dirty when my neck first started becoming discoloured. 

I had my IUD placed in December of 2018, and the follow up ultrasound revealed a cyst on my right ovary that was 21cm x 21cm which required surgery. Due to that, a traumatic situation and my vegetarianism, I lost 30 pounds by March of 2019. 

I have also struggled most of my life with depression and anxiety and used food to cope. I am currently on medication for that. I also take Metformin to help with the effects of the PCOS.

Here I will give a short description on the areas of my body that bother me and what I would like to see improve. I will try to be objective about what I don’t like and I will be honest about the reasons I would like to improve. I will say now that many of these reasons are cosmetic and not necessarily health related.

Inner thighs: While my legs are one of my favourite parts of my body and are in general strong and shapely, my inner thighs have a pocket of fat near my pubic mound, and I can see it when I stand up or I can see it in the mirror from behind when I bend over. I am self conscious about this because I don’t like the way it looks/hangs, and it makes it hard to be present and immersed when I am having sex or see myself as attractive if I take a picture for my boyfriend. The goal for this area is to have less hang so I can feel more relaxed during sex and any time I bend over. I also don’t particularly enjoy the thigh holes in my jeans, or that I have trouble with any sort of thigh high sock rolling.

Pubic mound: I’m not even gonna bullshit here: I just want a normal looking vulva. That’s it. I want it to be easier to access my clit, I don’t want such a prominent camel toe when I wear pants, I’d like it to be easier for my boyfriend to go down on me. I have a nice inner vulva and I want the exterior to match. I also find it hard to shave the areas between my mound and my thigh, as holding it open is not easy. That groin area is also prone to skin yeast infections and pimples and blackheads, and while I admit that they are fun to pop, it would be nice if I did not have to deal with it. 

My stomach: My stomach hangs. Underneath of it is prone to those same pimples and skin yeast infections (canesten is really helpful for tinea cruris, by the way. Yeast infections are yeast infections.) and while I get some sick pops for r/popping, it isn’t attractive. My stomach is hairy and while that isn’t really totally weight related, it also isn’t cute. My belly button is often very hidden, and it would be nice to get down to a size that I could get it pierced like my mom has. The rolls of my stomach get pimples and the red marks from sitting all day are not cute and can get painful. I have the muffin top when I wear jeans, and while the look of my stomach in jeans is less than sexy, it actually doesn’t bother me all that much.I have trouble keeping up panties that are both too tight or too loose, and tights are always rolling down. If it doesn’t hit just above my waist while still being slightly tight, it isn’t even worth trying to wear at all. All my jeans and leggings are high-waisted, and a lot of them roll when I sit or bend over. As a nanny, that is a really big inconvenience, and I would like to be able to exist for an hour without having to pull up my goddamn pants/leggings/underwear/tights. God forbid I put on a garter belt. Clothes that are flattering are hard for find for obese women. I just want to wear pretty clothes and feel like a person. When I sit with my knees up, my stomach is Very Present, and I can feel it against my thighs and trying to press through the gap in the middle. It would be nice to not feel that way, and I hope that I can achieve a stomach that does not hang.

Rolls under breasts: These are real sons of bitches. Hot, hairy, red, pimply. The heat rash is real. About half to 3/4 the size of my actual breasts. They make finding a comfortable bra difficult, and I would be really happy if they got even half the size they are now. 

Breasts: I don’t necessarily have a weight issue with my tibblies, but they are underdeveloped underneath and I don’t really like the shape of them so much. I am on the waiting list to see a plastic surgeon about my options. There are certain things about my chest that I don’t like that are the fault of obesity however, like the dark marks on my chest because of resistance to insulin, but I will get more into that in a bit. I also don’t love boobne, but hey, acne, amirite ladies? 

My chin/neck situation: My ‘waddle’, as I so hatefully refer to it, is my least favourite part of my body. This makes me so upset. I think this is the only part of my body that I truly genuinely hate. If I could duct tape it back so I could look normal, I would. I often look at plus size and fat and obese women and think why do they have chins and necks that are ‘normal’ but not me? (spoilers: the answer is morbid obesity.) I would like to be able to wear a choker comfortably and without it being hidden by my neck. It is very hard to pop waddle pimples. I do have the insulin marks on my neck, and a dowager’s hump, which makes me feel weird if I look at it too long. I don’t like when it sticks out of my clothing, and it feels odd to look at it with a necklace on, or a choker or collar or anything like that.

My back rolls: You hate to see it, and it makes finding a bra in my size a pain. It is hard to hide them, and anything that is fitted to the boobs and then flares can exaggerate the look of them. I don’t look at them too often so it doesn’t always bother me, but they can be a pain with certain clothes. It also makes some clothes tight and restricting in a way they normally wouldn’t, like dresses or shirts that zip. Highly unpleasant, and I would like to have smoother back for cosmetic reasons. 

The back of my head: I shave the underneath of my head. I’ve had my entire head shaven before, I’ve had just the sides shaven. It would be nice to get to a place where there wasn’t a roll at the back of my head. It would also be nice if my brother hadn’t swiped a card through it, but only one of those things is achievable. 

My arms: I have pretty strong arms, my job requires lifting and I’ve never shied away from taking all the groceries in one trip. My arms are large but not huge. I would be happy with a little reduction in the ‘wing’ area and I would like to see my upper arms a little more streamlined when fully extended. I genuinely do have big bones, but it would be nice to be able to wear my bracelets more comfortably. 

My hands: For the longest time I have been upset about the idea of ‘fat people hands’. I don’t have huge fingers, but it would be nice to fit rings on a little easier. I have large hands, because I am a tall woman, but not really fat or chubby hands like one might think of when thinking of fat people hands. My knuckles are fairly well defined, though they have dimples when my hands are flat, and have had since I was little. I think they are cute to be honest. I do not have discolouration on my fingers or knuckles.

My face: I don’t have a ton of fat on my cheeks actually. I do have a round face, but I have dimple-like indentations under my cheekbones that clearly define them. It would be nice to be a slightly slimmer face and defined jawline - any attempt at a contour is just awful. I would like to have a less prominent chin and cheeks. 

So let’s talk for a bit about long term goals. I am trying to set goals for myself in chunks. I know that aiming to lose 100 pounds the first go around is highly unlikely to get me any sort of success and I know that breaking it up into smaller bits is less overwhelming and more motivating. I am seriously trying to be careful about rewarding myself with any kind of food. 

Realistically, I would like to see myself get into the ‘normal’ BMI range by this time next year. I also know that to do that, I would need to lose around 170 pounds. With OMAD, you can expect to lose between half a pound and one pound a day. I do not see myself losing 170 pounds in 170 days. I do not think it is healthy to lose that much in under 6 months, and I don’t think my skin would appreciate it either, nor do I think OMAD is sustainable for that long. The idea is to try and hold out with OMAD for about 3 and a half months, and in that time, with upkeep, exercise and discipline, I could lose around 100 pounds, but I think the responsible thing would be to hope for closer to 75 pounds. 

I would like to outline my goals here:

Current Goal: 300 pounds - 33 pounds lost - 41.8 BMI

Second Goal: 270 pounds - 63 pounds lost - 37.7 BMI

Third Goal: 240 - 93 pounds lost - 33.5 BMI

Fourth Goal: 210 - 123 pounds lost - 29.3 BMI

Fifth Goal: 180 - 153 pounds lost - 25.1 BMI

Final Goal: 160 - 173 pounds lost - 22.3 BMI

Knowing how much one can lose in x amount of time with OMAD, and assuming I kept with it for a year, it could take anywhere from 173 days to 346 days to reach my final goal. I know that I won’t lose the same amount every day, and I know that it will be hard to keep it off once I reach my goal. 

I also know that I will need to take vitamins and supplements to make sure I don’t lose anything during this time. 

I am trying not to set deadlines for when I would like to reach my goals, though ideally I would be losing about 20 pounds a month. There are some important dates that I am hoping to have lost a certain amount for, however, and based on how much I might expect to lose and some basic math, I have deemed it pretty feasible to do.

I return to work around July 6th. It is currently May 30th. In 37 days I am hoping to have reached my first goal of 33 pounds lost. I lost 4 pounds in 3 days, and I hope to keep up that pace. 

The other date that I am hoping to have lost weight for is my birthday, which is August 31st. In 93 days I am hoping to have met my second goal of 63 pounds lost. I am turning 19 and very excited to celebrate.

For a little in-depth at what I am doing as far as my meal, I am eating a normal supper for me, a snack and a dessert. I am not counting calories. I’ll give some examples of what I have eaten at this time.

Day 1: Gnocchi bake with chicken, gummies, a chocolate bar, a little bit of bread and an iced tea. I made the bake with a package of sundried tomato gnocchi, one chicken breast, an olivieri package of rose sauce, like 2-3 tablespoons of herb and garlic cream cheese and onion. It was so good.

Day 2: I had the 4 bites of leftovers and some cheese bread, an iced tea, chicken strips, fries, a bite of fish, and some coleslaw. This day I felt sort of weak in the evening and so I had a fried egg sandwich with a cheese slice, mustard and mayo.

Day 3: I GUZZLED water all day long, like 4-5 bottles of water. I had crackers, the middle of a cinnamon bun, chicken strips and fries again, coleslaw and then some cake (I was celebrating a family birthday). My pee has never been so clear, let me just tell you.

One of the good things about this diet is being able to have whatever I would like as my meal for the day. I am an excellent cook (friend, family, teacher, boyfriend’s family and boyfriend approved, being fat has helped me master the kitchen) and I love doing it, so I can really get creative with my meal.

I come from a diet family, and so I am definitely supported on this diet, and my boyfriend is doing it with me, because misery loves company. Overall, I do feel hungry, but I feel satisfied with what I am doing and I have a lot more will power than I thought I did before, so I am proud of myself in that regard.

During my fasts, I try to only consume water and black coffee, which I take iced so it doesn’t nerf me with the flavour. Chewing gum is also quite helpful. My eating period is between 7p-8p, or 7p-8:30p, but that may change overtime as my sleep and activity schedule changes in the coming months.

I do not make promises on diets as a rule, but because of the nature of this diet I have made myself a promise that I will listen to my body. If I need a meal, I will eat one. If what is best for me is splitting my eating hour into two 30 minute eating periods a day for energy, especially while I work, then that is what I will do. 

Like I said, the goal is to check in every day with what I ate, my general feelings and if I am changing anything, and then I will try to do a weigh in weekly, and every couple of weeks update any changes I notice in the areas I mentioned earlier that bother me as a fat person. 

‘Til next time,

H

[cooking-with-endo]

My Experience: A Brief Introduction

My endometriosis journey has become more difficult over the last year. I have had increasingly painful periods for many years. I did not think much of it, as I figured that as we get older our periods might not be as light and easy as they were when we first get them. I got mine for the first time when I was a wee 11 years old. I fondly remember bleeding all over the seat in my 6th grade history class one day... 

I had tried various different birth control methods, not being able to stick with any one. I have no idea if one of them helped with endo. I’ve done the pill off and on several times, Nexplanon for about a year, and I had a hormonal IUD. I’d had sciatic nerve pain, lower back pain, shooting pains in my ovaries if I exercised too long, terrible period cramps, and digestive issues, but I never put any of these things together until a few months ago.

One Thursday this past October, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop studying for the LSAT when an absolutely horrific pain came over me on my left side. It was like nerve pain, muscle soreness, period cramp-y, just all around awful. I got so irritable because of it and all I wanted to do was take a hot bath but I had to get ready to get to work. I was working as a case manager at a homeless shelter at the time and I worked 1:30pm-10pm five days a week. The whole night at work was terrible. No amount of ibuprofen could fix what was going on. I had had pain in those areas before but not at all like this. Later that night I couldn’t even turn over in bed without being in agony. 

The next day my partner convinced me to call out of work. I really could not move. I decided to spend the day on the couch and just rest and do some research. I had my friend bring me some powerful edibles so I could just sleep through the day and hopefully get to work the next day. 

My research led me to believe I had an ovarian cyst. Now it was Saturday and the pain was getting worse. I went to urgent care where they did a transvaginal ultrasound - only to have inconclusive results. My ultrasound tech was an angel though and we bonded over vagina pains. They thought my IUD might have migrated and been brushing up against the inside of my uterus. That sounded plausible. So I went home and booked an appointment for Monday morning at Planned Parenthood to have my IUD removed. I did not take my time with decision making, I just wanted a quick fix for my pain.

The pain never went away. I had a follow up appointment at my PCP’s office, but not with my PCP. It was a male doctor I’d never met. He actually was the one who suggested this could be endometriosis. I was like, oh I guess that would make sense? I was also shocked to be taken seriously about something like this by a male doctor, so yay! I did more research and ultimately agreed with him. My PCP agreed with him too. 

Thus my exploratory journey of what-the-fuck-to-do-about-this officially began. The pain has only worsened with time since the IUD was removed, so it has become apparent to me several months later that the IUD was definitely not the issue, and it probably was not an issue at all. 

I saw a shitty nurse midwife in January who basically brushed off everything I said to her. She took me off my combined oral contraceptive, put me back on the progestin only pill, and referred me to pelvic floor physical therapy. I opted to try it, but also decided to never go back to see her again. 

I started doing pelvic floor physical therapy in February which was sort of helpful and I really loved my physical therapist. Then COVID-19 happened... so that was put on pause. We both agreed that it wasn’t a great long-term solution for me anyway. 

Also in February, I started noticing my birth control was causing awful mood swings. I have bipolar disorder II so I am familiar with mood imbalances, but this felt different. I was angry all day every day, and while working at a homeless shelter this is not really a good thing to have happen. I stopped taking it around Valentine’s Day and had the WORST period one could imagine, but my mood improved which was really all I wanted. I needed to prioritize getting through my work day and not wanting to scream at my clients or coworkers. 

After deciding to come off birth control, I decided to find a new OBGYN to talk about pain management with. The one I found for myself is incredible and I am very glad I opted to see her. She told me she would do whatever I wanted (get a new IUD, try Lupron, or get a laparoscopy) and I eventually decided to go for a laparoscopy. It was supposed to be April 29, and that obviously did not happen thanks to COVID-19. 

Fast forward to today, I am spending a lot more time than usual on self-care and self-nurturing. For me, this looks like really seriously paying attention to my body and my symptoms. This pandemic has allowed me to slow down and spend more time with myself. I am learning how to (attempt to) manage my endo pain via diet changes and exercise, as well as adapt my lifestyle. 

I have spent time recently looking into what I should be eating and what things I should be avoiding. I have never had a food allergy or any dietary restrictions, so this is completely new to me. I have developed what is most likely IBS and a lactose intolerance. Avoiding gluten, red meat, alcohol, lactose, etc. is a major lifestyle change but every day I am trying harder to be better to my body. 

I have found social media to be extremely helpful during this journey. There is no better way to learn about endo or feel less alone than to hear other people’s stories. I am going to use this page to share more about my experience. 

It is important to be accessible and realistic with sharing cooking tips or recipes. I don’t use elaborate recipes, hard to find ingredients, or cook many things that require standing for long periods of time. I also don’t want to dirty too many dishes because nothing irritates my lower back pain like doing the god damn dishes. I am learning how to utilize the crock pot, meal plan, and meal prep better. I am also using this to hold myself accountable for being more gentle with myself. It is okay to eat frozen pizza three days in a row if that’s all I can muster. It’s okay to indulge in gluten and alcohol if I feel like that’s what I need. I am a fat person and I am not here for anything related to weight loss. When possible, cooking and eating should be an enjoyable experience. The ultimate goal is just to get through the day. 

If you have read this entire post, I thank you very much. Most of my other posts will be much, much shorter and include more interesting things - like gluten free cookie recipes. 

Please send me your recipes as well! I want to hear from you. 

xx

Emma 

[pynkhues]

I had really difficult periods for a long time and recently got on birth control and it has helped so so much, is that an option for you? Sending hugs and love and support your way friend

Ah, I’m so sorry that you went through that, anon! Periods can be so nightmarish. :-( I’m returning your hugs and love a million fold, and really appreciate you reaching out. <3 <3 

And thank you for your suggestion! I really appreciate that too. :-) I was on birth control for a few years which helped with a lot of my symptoms, which was wonderful, but I stopped getting periods, and the problem with PCOS is that when you stop getting periods, you get ovarian cysts instead, which, errr, isn’t ideal. 

This is way TMI, but if people are curious, here ya go:

My gyno wants me to try an IUD because it’s easier for them to customise the hormones for it, which is great, but I’m in a bit of a catch-22 scenario. Basically if I was to get an IUD, I’ve got to commit to not having kids for five years, with the knowledge that, due to my PCOS, my gyno has told me that she’d like me to have a hysterectomy with an oophorectomy in my early 40s at the latest because of my high risk of ovarian, uterine or cervical cancer, and she wants me like, alive, lol (in her literal words last time I saw her, she told me: “As soon as you have the babies you want, I’m taking everything out,” haha. [everything being my uterus, cervix and ovaries] She’s the best and I love her. She also told me after she performed a related surgery on me that I had the most beautiful ovary she’d ever seen, so that’s my favourite weird flex, haha). 

But look, I’m 28, so getting the IUD takes me to 33, and (unfortunately, haha) I know that I do want children in the future, so it is something I have to think about. 

With the type of PCOS I have, I’m very likely to get pregnant, but my chances of carrying a baby to term without medical assistance is almost non-existent. I am simultaneously very fertile and producing so much oestrogen that my body instantly panics and tells my uterus to abort the pregnancy - the result is like, a 99% chance of miscarriage. If I were to ever get pregnant (or if I have been already? It’s pretty impossible for me to know unless I’m actually trying), I would have to go on a very specific hormone suppressant to try and lock down the situation before my body rejected the pregnancy, and would have a highly medically moderated pregnancy. That doesn’t mean I can’t! - my sister has PCOS too (it’s genetic, folks) and she’s had two babies! She’s also had early on-set cervical cancer, two surgeries to literally burn that cancer out, and two very, very high risk pregnancies, the second of which put her in Intensive Care at the hospital for six weeks, and Nephew #2 in there for ten weeks. (They’re both doing well now, which is what matters!)

And her 31st birthday is literally next week, so like. She’s pretty young.

I got diagnosed when I was 17, so I’ve had 11 years to think about it, and try out treatments, and endure, I guess, haha, so I’m used to it and honestly fairly laid back about it. It’s just a part of me, right? And yeah, it sucks a lot because of the monthly pain and mood swings, and it sucks because sometimes I feel like I’m playiing Russian Roulette with potential cancer on the sheer hope of one day having a kid, but I guess sometimes that’s just the hand you’re dealt. 

But yes! I’m okay, haha, and I really, really genuinely appreciate tour concern. <3 I guess the moral of the story is that bodies are weird and not enough medical research is devoted to women-specific issues, because if it was, PCOS and other female hormone related disorders would’ve been ‘cured’ a long time ago. 

[midnight-fox-boy]

Rant about AFAB pain erasure for a long minute.

I started my period at age 10.

By age 11 they were heavy and painful. I would wear the two largest sizes of pads depending on the day. Tampons weren't an option because they hurt me.

I passed out in the shower one morning on the tail end of my period because I didn't eat or drink, and had lost so much blood from being on my period.

By age 12 my doctor referred me to a gynecologist, I was missing way too much school every month due to my periods and something needed to be done. The gynecologist told me she needed to examine me before thinking about birth control. I broke down, a full blown sobbing fit and I couldn't breathe. I refused. I told her I couldn't do it. She had me leave the room. She told my mother that I must be faking my pain to get out of school or else I'd have let her examine me. I was twelve years old.

My doctor put me on a pain regimen of ibuprofen. 800mg at the beginning of my period and either 400 or 600mg every 8 hours. It barely did anything. He never said anything about it being weird or abnormal that I was bleeding so heavy or in so much pain

By age 15 my mother was still helping me dry off and get dressed after baths, I could barely move from the pain and baths or shower chairs were the only way I could bathe during them.

By age 16, I started testosterone. Finally, a relief from my pain, from the bleeding.

By age 18 I had my first ovarian cyst rupture. And I had a large one on my other ovary that magically disappeared later. After getting with a penis having partner, my pain became nearly constant. No bleeding, no period, but so much pelvic pain.

By age 19 I started the depo and my gynecologist said it's possible i have endometriosis. It took 9 years for a doctor to finally acknowledge something was wrong with me. But I can't get a lap done since I'm a smoker.

By age 20 I start getting aura migraines, I bring it up to my doctor and he doesn't think anything of it, really. No comments about how it can increase your risk of stroke, nothing like that. Then, I start getting them more...and more...and more. Up to 4 a month.

When I'm close to needing my next depo shot, my pain comes back. My gynecologist tells me to get it at the earliest date instead, but it doesn't help. I'm still in pain a week before and up to two weeks after getting my shot. Three weeks of pain every two 1/2 Months. I tell her I want to try another method, but refuse to try the nexplanon or IUD. I say they're too long term for me and I'm terrified of having foreign objects in my body that I can't just stop taking when I feel like it. She refuses to put me on anything other than those...so I continue the depo

I talk to my new general provider, she tells me almost the same thing. I tell her I know methods that contain estrogen are bad for aura migraines and I don't want that, and I don't want the IUD or nexplanon. She says she doesn't want to do the mini pill since the error window is so small. I try to tell her that I CANT forget it. She doesn't think I can take it regularly since I forget my anti depressants sometimes

I try to explain that it's different. I won't be in horrible pain if I forget my anti depressants, I won't potentially get pregnant if I forget my anti depressants...but she says "aren't they equally as important?" And I gave up for now. She tries suggesting a method which is a combined method, which, again, I can't take. Then says she'll do more research

Smoking increases my risk for a stroke and blood clots

Aura migraines increases my risk for a stroke

Testosterone increases risks of blood clots

...the combined methods of birth control increase your risk of stroke and blood clots.

And you know what? I'm done. If next month goes bad, I'm free bleeding. I'm just gonna be in pain, I'm just gonna stop trying. I'm tired. I'm almost 21 and it looks like my birthday will be spent in pain. I can't drink the pain away since I'm on antidepressants so no alcohol for my birthday

My mother is 51, she's been fighting and fighting for a hysterectomy for years. She's always in pain. She's infertile and never had to use contraceptive methods and I was a happy surprise. They don't want to give her a hysterectomy since they say she'll be "cured" after menopause.... which isn't true. Shes BEEN going through menopause. They put her on birth control methods that made her pain worse.

I'm just so done with health care. Trying to explain these issues to cis men is so annoying. I missed so much school growing up and constantly got shit for it from teachers and truancy officers (despite still having great grades), and nothing was truly done to help me.

[christinaroseandrews]

*Raises hand* I have Migraine with Vestibular Aura and I’ve been on a Boat for 11 years and counting continuously. The way I describe it is that every day I’m on a boat but it depends minute to minute and hour to hour the level of seas I’m on and the type of boat I’m in. There’s a marked difference between pontoon boat on a calm lake at evening and in a canoe in the middle of a hurricane. I spent the first year and half spinning (not just on a boat, but actual spinning--Vertigo) and let me tell you there is a massive difference between being dizzy/lightheaded, feeling like you’re on a boat, and actually spinning. It sucks, and I’m sorry anyone else has to go through this.

Things that help me include getting occupational therapy to relearn how to do things like walk, drive, read, and function while having vertigo and constant “on a boat” feelings. The brain is super adaptable and by reconnecting these pathways I can do stuff that is more than just lying down and sleeping and occasionally watching nature/history documentaries. But YMMV.

One thing that my neurologists have me do in addition to taking my prescribed medications is to make sure I’m well hydrated, with electrolytes, and that my B-vitamins, Iron levels, and Vitamin D are all normal. When those get too low, the On-a-boat feeling is worse. It might be worth asking your (general you, no specific you) doctor to look at your vitamin levels and see if anything is off. It helped me since my iron, vit D, and B-vitamins can get low and when they do things get worse. It’s amazing how everything is connected. LOL

There’s a lot of YMMV with migraines. And how they present can change and morph over the years. For the first 8 or so years I didn’t really have blinding pain with my migraines. I was a weird one and I stumped a lot of doctors (Including the University of Michigan) until I ended up at a place in Ann Arbor that specialized in Migraine and all of its forms, including ones without actual pain. But as I got older and approached my mid-40s my hormones started changing (We figured out pretty early on that my period cycle was a trigger but that going on hormonal birth control of any variety (including the IUD with low dose hormones) makes it worse) so now I do get blinding pain migraines on top of the constant on a boat feeling and the vertigo attacks. I found that it was important to keep a diary of what’s going on and find a neurologist who will listen (having the diary/log of what was going on helped me leapfrog over a lot of other first steps.)

I’m not going to lie. It sucks. It sucks dead monkey balls. And It’s something that I’ve been working on with my psychologist for a long time because it is really traumatizing. The place in Ann Arbor had all of its patients see a psychologist because they were dealing with things like being gaslit for years, being in pain for years, and for many they were dealing with a loss of independence and a whole slew of other issues. And Mental Health matters when dealing with migraine. Stress is a known trigger for some people.

I hope that your can get help. Having a competent neurologist made a huge difference for me. A lot of neurologists are pretty full of themselves still, but there has been a massive shift in how migraine is looked at in the last few years. When I first started seeing people, they didn’t recognize that migraines can crash into each other. That you could be having an aura/predome while in the middle of a postdrome or Attack of another migraine. And that they could literally be happening one right after the other with no real cooldown. Now they do recognize that attacks can be concurrent and that silent migraines are a thing (When I first came down with this it wasn’t understood at all.)

But you’re not alone. Migraines can have such a huge range of other symptoms that the neurologist that I see now has a poster on the wall that literally has a list of like 15 or more things that people who suffer migraine experience. Everything from Headpain (98% of sufferers surveyed) to Vertigo (31% of those surveyed) to more that I forgotten because it was 8am and I was migraining at the time.

I hope that things improve. *sends hugs*

(Edit: BTW sorry for rambling and if I make no sense I’m on day 12 of a migraine and well... *makes random vague hand motions*)

I've never woken up with an aura migraine before. They usually happen to me once in a blue moon after too much screen time.

Honestly, it just felt rude. Like wow okay, not even out of bed yet and the world is a sickening kaleidoscope of colors and imminent pain. Rude.

[healing-invisible-scars]

This year has taught me a lot about loss.

January 1st, 2017, my family suffered the loss of a loved one. From day one, this year has been one loss after another. From the multitude of deaths of family and friends, to losing myself to the temptation of drugs and alcohol, to losing the greatest love I’ve ever known, and now, 11 months later, to losing a second unborn child.

I’ve had many issues with my reproductive system in the past. I was told I’d have extreme difficulty if I were to ever conceive, and that it may not even be a possibility.

Monday I got the overwhelming urge to pee on a stick, because something just didn’t sit right, and sure enough, three minutes later, two blue lines appeared. Fear, joy, anxiety. A few hours later, I decided to try for round two. Three minutes pass, two blue lines. Sheer excitement, complete and total terror.

I thought, finally, something good is coming of this year. I’m going to be a parent; something I day dream about constantly. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I spent at the doctor’s office. Thursday my doctor seemed really concerned about my health and the cramping I’d been feeling, so she sent me over to the hospital to get lots of tests done. Yesterday morning I called my doctor at 8am, the minute they opened, to hear about my results. Nothing in. I called back at 9, impatient to know what was going on. Nothing in yet. They called me around 11:30, and I ran out the back door of work, excited to hear what they had to say.

Bad news. “You’re no longer pregnant.” Through forced politeness and composure, I thanked the nurse for calling and we said, “goodbye,” and I went back to work.

Last year, I experienced something similar. I went to the hospital for bleeding and cramping. I have an IUD, so it was alarming, especially after not having a period for four years and because I’m constantly paranoid the device will perforate my uterus. Turned out that I was having a miscarriage. While that was upsetting, it didn’t hit me like this one. There was no excitement and joy in discovering I was pregnant. There weren’t any phone calls to friends and family members to share the news. Days didn’t pass knowing there was something growing inside of me that I would one day hold and love more than anything. There wasn’t anything there. How could I feel loss of something I didn’t even know I had?

I’ve shed some tears, I’ve felt some relief in ways, I’m disappointed, but mostly numb. Trying to process and cope.

But at least I know now, the hysterectomy I was scheduled to have earlier this year, would have been a grave, irreversible mistake. I must stay focused on staying sober, bettering myself, and getting my shit together so that, when the time comes, I will be ready.

Out of all of this loss, I have gained something powerful this year. I have Hope.

[wvqian-blog]

All questions. Go go.

@prkjmni​ sent a message from this. 

1: When did you lose your virginity? “Willingly or Unwillingly?”

2: Rough sex or soft sex? “Both.”

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? “Choking.”

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? “Back alley.”

5: Favourite sex position? “Between the reverse cowgirl or doggy.”

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? “It all depends on my mood––leaning towards submissive.”

7: Have you ever had any one night stands? “Of course.”

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? “What about the kitchen table or the wall? What about standing up? I like getting fucked on all surfaces of wherever I’m at.”

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? “Yes.”

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? “Yes.”

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? “My favorite panties are a mesh, strappy pair of cheeky panties that’s in a cute sea-green color––my ass looks just great in them.”

12: How often do you have sex? “Once a week. That’s all I have time for.”

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? “With all the attractive guys I’ve met, hell yes.”

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? “Giving. Quite eager to give and willing to receive.”

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? “I got too excited and almost broke his dick from riding to hard.”

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? “COCKINESS.”

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? “I HAVE A PLAYLIST. I’ll hit you with my top two: Fire We Make & Neighbors Know My Name.”

18: Are you into dressing up for sex? “Roleplaying wise, it’s not my go to but I would if he wants me to. Lingerie wise, YES.”

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? “Bath.”

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? “I have a list, mate.”

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? “Yes and yes to doing it again.”

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? “I don’t have sex toys but I’m not closed to the idea.”

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? “YES.”

24: Would you have sex with your best friend? “I don’t have a best friend?”

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) “I go to the bathroom.”

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? “Neck kisses. NECK KISSES. YOU KISS MY NECK AND WE’RE FUCKING.”

27: Early morning sex or late night sex? “Both.”

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? “Ass.”

29: Favourite body part on the same sex? “Chest and thighs.”

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: “My cute pink dog collar.”

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: “This one guy really wanted to go down on my when I was on my period. I wasn’t into it so when he got close, I left.”

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] “Yes. It’s only appealing in the moment when both parties are riled up but I’m not grossed out by it. I don’t taste bad at all.”

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: “Sometimes I do like it without. As long as he doesn’t have any stds or conditions, it’s okay. I have an IUD.”

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: “Not really into food during sex? Maybe chocolate? Or whipped cream but if you’re trying to eat fucking sushi off my coochy, you’re done.”

35: Worst possible time to get horny: “WORK.”

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? “I fucking love it. Maybe that’s why I like giving oral.”

37: How much fapping is too much fapping: “When it hinders you from being productive to society.”

38: Best sexual complement you ever got: “I’ve gotten multiples, ‘Best/mind-blowing blowjobs’.”

39: Favorite foreplay activities: “When they pay attention to the girls. YES PLEASE. My boobs love attention.”

40: What do you wear to bed? “Silk night slip.”

41: When was the first time you masturbated: “When I was twenty.”

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? “....yes.”

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? “Yes, about a couple months ago.”

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? “Yes and I might do it again. Depends where.”

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? “Yes. I’ve answered this?”

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? “Ew. Just me and my hands.”

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? “I watch lesbian porn because for some reason it gets me off better than straight porn. And, I’m straight??”

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) “Yes, because I love hearing what my partner sounds like when they’re basking in the pleasure. I like letting them sit back and let me do the work because there’s too much THINKING going on. It just needs to be fun. Pleasuring for the pleasure. Not pleasuring because you have to.”

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? “Tattoos are so hot. God fucking damn.”

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? “I’m not opposed to it as long as they don’t regret it. For me, sex is just sex. As long as the other party is okay with it, so am I.”

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? “Hot sauce? IDK.”

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? “I was technically a prostitute growing up. But, I’d much rather be a pornstar.”

53: Do you watch porn? “Rarely.”

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? “YES because @yn-ravn judged my choice of music. Called it ‘lowkey freaky’”

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? “MHM.” :)

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? “As long as it’s trimmed, I don’t care if there’s hair there or not. I don’t want anything wily and untamed though.”

57: If you could give yourself head, would you? “Hell yeaH”

58: Booty or Boobs? “Boobs.”

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) “No.”

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? “1) Jack off, 2) Have sex with a girl, 3) have sex with a guy.... that’s about it. not interested in being a man particularly.”

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? “Mhm.”

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? “YEP.”

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? “NO PENIS.”

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) “Clitoral. I get off by the clit ALWAYS.”

65. What is your bra/penis size? “32C.”

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? “Nothing is as strange as a crooked penis.”

67. When was the last time you masturbated? “Two weeks ago?”

68. When was the last time you had sex? “A week ago.”

69. When was the last time you watched porn? “A month ago.”

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? “Nope. Someone should buy me something as a present.”

71. Guys: Circumsized? .........

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? “NECK.” SCREAMS.

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? “I get shivers when my pussy is stroked.” :)

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? “Hm... no.”

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? “No.”

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? “Yesterday.”

77. Which wet dream was your favorite? “DU NNO.”

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? “ALL OF THEM.”

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? “Henry Cavill get in my pants.”

80. Favorite sexual position? “Let’s just say bent over some piece of furniture or surface.”

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? “Slut?”

82. Are you into any BDSM? “Mildly...”

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? “Yes because they’re in a committed relationship. I’m not intentional homewrecker.”

84. Do you like dirty talk? “LOVE hearing it.”

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? “Moderately noisy.”

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? “Once, I think.”

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? “Lesbian/Straight.”

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? “No...”

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? “SURE.”

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? “yes and yes.”

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? “Once and no they aren’t”