#just from GETTING TO THE DOCTORS to try to FIX THE ORGAN ISSUES that they CAN'T FIGURE OUT right now

[somelazyassartist]

I hate the doctors I don't ever want to go ever <- person with so many medical issues

[bonefall]

i dont think people are upset that the erins "weren't creative" enough with Moonpaw, they're upset that she's just. not a chimera. thats just a longhaired tortie and they justified it with chimerism. which is extremely insensitive because chimerism is a real medical thing that can cause issues in every species, including humans for those that dont know, and thats like. a big thing.

like, yay some disability rep (depending on how they write it. it wont be good. ughh) but like. its not going to be considered a disability when it can be in some cases. they are just going to say "ohh shes so special!!" like some people say with autism in this age (the infantilization of it) and its gonna be. weirdddd

anyways. sorry for ranting in your inbox.

Hey. Woah. THIS is insensitive and I don't know where you're getting this from. NONE of the three types of natural chimerism are a disability and it is extremely rare that fusion chimerism leads to medical complications.

Do not spread misinformation about a genetic condition because you're annoyed about the writing team confusing a common tortie fur pattern with chimerism. THEIR mistake is ultimately harmless. What YOU'RE doing is stigmatizing.

Quite frankly, after seeing a bunch of posts and receiving several asks about this, I don't think half of the people who are getting mad actually know anything about chimeras. I sure as fuck hope it's just ignorance, and that you aren't out here trying to call the state of being intersex a disability.

But I can fix ignorance. No need to assume malice. I will explain what chimerism is, and why you should stop going around implying it "causes issues in every species."

Chimerism is when a single individual is comprised of cells from two or more fully fertilized zygotes. There are two BROAD types of chimerism;

Artifical

Natural

Artifical chimeras are common with the advent of modern medicine. Ever had a blood transfusion? Organ transplant? You are a chimera. Or at least were for a while.

THIS can lead to complications and can cause disability, but it's not what Moonpaw is. She would be a type of natural chimera, which in and of itself has THREE subtypes;

Micro chimerism

Blood chimerism

Fusion chimerism

Microchimerism is so common that I could make a Your Mom joke out of it. It's caused by the passage of cells between the fetus and placenta during pregnancy. Everyone who has ever been pregnant is a microchimera.

While it can lead to complications, it can also be beneficial. Pregnancy could be considered a type of temporary disability, but no one would expect disability rep from every character who had ever given birth.

Blood chimeras are common in species whose twins typically share a placenta, such as cows and marmosets, but very rare in animals like humans and cats which usually don't. It occurs when tissue between two twins is exchanged through the umbilical chord. This type of chimera often ends up with a mixed bloodtype, hence the name.

This is the cause of freemartinism in cattle, when fraternal cow twins cause a sister to share her brother's hormones and act more like a bull. A type of intersex condition, not a disability-- so I sure HOPE you aren't trying to imply THIS should be "disability rep."

And even in the other case, would you automatically expect disability rep from a character that has two blood types?? No. Just like you wouldn't automatically expect disability rep from every character that had ever been pregnant, or every character who had ever needed a blood transfusion

And lastly, the one that Moonpaw ACTUALLY is. A fusion chimera. These are created when two fully fertilized zygotes fuse into a single individual.

These are extremely rare because you can't usually TELL when an individual is a chimera. There is no obvious physical difference between the "halves," with some cases of doctors insisting that patches are just weird birthmarks. They live their entire lives with normal health problems like non-chimeras. It mostly causes complications when DNA testing results in a false negative-- because the offspring of a fusion chimera occasionally end up being their genetic nespring.

Or, the two "halves" are male and female, causing gonadal differences. These people aren't disabled, there's nothing wrong with their bodies, but they're subjected to unneccesary cosmetic surgeries as children because they are intersex.

Say it. SAY IT. INTERSEX. I N T E R S E X. IM GRABBING YOU BY THE SHIRT AND SHAKING YOU THEY ARE INTERSEX.

Can some intersex conditions cause disabilities? YES. Are intersex conditions inherently disabilities? NO. Even when you're discussing infertility as a disability, tread VERY CAREFULLY because intersex people are fighting very hard to lift the stigma over their bodies.

Speak with care. Do not equate being intersex with being disabled. They are two different things.

You can be both and sometimes one could contribute to the other, but BEING intersex IS NOT a disability.

VERY rarely, even MORE rare than standard chimeras which are already very very rare and massively underreported because they are so unremarkable, a fusion chimera will happen LATE in utero. THIS can contribute to a chronic autoimmune condition where the cells reject each other, which is a disability.

And by rare I mean one case. Literally one. Of the 50 reported fusion chimeras in the review I'm referencing, Taylor Muhl was the only one with this. 4 were discovered via congenital abnormalities (unknown if connected to the chimerism b/c they were only tested because something was already wrong), 17 had fertility issues, and the remaining 28 didn't report immune conditions or birth defects but INTERSEXUALITY.

ANOTHER condition is often lumped in with chimerism, by people who do not know what chimerism is, which is mosaicism. Mosaicism, when there are two different sets of genes resulting from the same zygote, is NOT chimerism. MOSAICISM can be a cause of disability. CHIMERISM is usually not.

(Read the review in depth, as it includes mosaic cases for the sake of completion.)

They can both be fertilization errors, but are not the same thing. Follow me, I'm only going to woefully simplify a complicated topic once,

CHIMERA = Two zygotes in one body

MOSAIC = Two bodies in one zygote

CHIMERA = usually fine

MOSAIC = usually bad

And the last possible places you could be getting the idea that chimerism "causes disability" from, to my knowledge, is 1. This study that says the loss of a twin in early pregnancy increases the chance of congenital defects in the survivors (has barely anything to do with chimerism, this link is tangential, vanishing twin syndrome does not necessarily mean it was absorbed by its sibling)

Or, 2, this study of several animals where they correlated rates of benign tumors to % of chimerism based on SPECIES. BLOOD chimeras. It's COWS AND MARMOSETS AGAIN. The study ITSELF calls for further targeted research of chimerism cause of susceptibility to cancer.

It couldn't even link new growths or malignant tumors to chimerism in the mammals of its study. WE'RE mammals.

Correlation does not equal causation. Statistics 101.

So no. That's not "a big thing." Chimerism is fine, they're just very likely to be intersex if they're a fusion chimera of a male and a female zygote. Do not imply intersexuality is a disability. Please get mad about the actual ableism in the series, not the team being clueless about tortie patterns.

Also everyone say you're sorry to intersex Moonpaw. I better see you people making intersex Moonpaw pride flag edits as penance IMMEDIATELY.

UPDATE: Anon apologized! Growth! I still think this is an important post, especially in the context of the wider fandom conversation, so I'm leaving it as-is. Please feel free to reblog.

UPDATE 2: Clarification on infertility as a disability because I didn't word myself very well in one section!

[maritotoy]

MAUGA X Support/Medic Reader ((Part. 1))

NOTE: Believe it or not, I never realize how long I've written this one.

This narrative tracks Mauga's obsession with Y/N as it grows to the point where he is prepared to kill everyone who stands in his way. With this in mind, Mauga's commitment would gradually grow. He would start out softly and then this need on you would get stronger.

It all began when your talents were initially utilised for recruitment. You were a terrific help, willing to assist your teammates in whatever way they needed.

Your main issue was that you could never truly let them handle things on their own. As a result, it became increasingly difficult to care for yourself.

They promised you riches if you helped them fight back against their threat. There were only so many ways to profit from rival worlds, after all. You were aware that you were going into a whole new universe when you agreed, but you also felt that you had no choice but to accept them.

Ultimately, you didn't wish to pass away, did you?

It was stated to you when you first joined TALON Organization, that you should concentrate only on the battlefield. Up until you met Baptiste, an exceptional combat medic, it was great with you. Your shared enthusiasm for curing illness is what unites the two of you. It turned into a shared passion. As you try to acquire experience in several areas, like medical supplies, you both hope to discover some more useful abilities, like healing or even a unique kind of combat capability.

But you can hardly ever get to Baptiste, he's constantly at the top. Both a combat mercenary and medic. You're always looking for ways to sharpen your skills.

Even after meeting him again at your base and on missions, you are still determined to improve your ability to deal with any possible emergencies. Not until later do you find out what happens when a member of your unit gets injured.

Baptiste surged in, carrying an imposing stature and a solid, muscular frame. His voice sounded desperate, asking, "I'm sorry if I came to you! I know you are busy, but I need help with my friend, please, Y/N!" The urgency was so obvious that there wasn't much resistance. Even if he was a doctor himself, it must have seemed urgent enough.

Besides... You were in the right place to help.

You rushed over to his side and helped him stabilize his huge friend. "What happened, Bap? Are you hurt?" He didn't reply, but his eyes told you all you needed to know.

You fix your sight on his pal. He does not appear to be hurt or seriously damage. However, the man's body is completely soaked, which looks very suspicious to you. "Is he alright, Bap? I don't see anything wrong." He shook his head and gave a sigh.

"We were attacked. Mauga and I found the source of the enemy attack and got separated."

"How long has it been since then?"

"Four hours, maybe five."

"Do you have any idea of what may have caused the damage?"

"I'm not sure. However, I had already discovered him unconscious but unharmed on the ground. It should not take long for him to awaken.." You glance at the unconscious man again before you say, "Let me take a look at him." He nodded and stepped aside.

"Mauga could never be wounded by shots like that. Despite his size, he could easily absorb one hit thanks to his physique." He explains.

You crouch down and check on his comrade. He seems fine to you. There's nothing unusual about him, other than the fact that he's a bit too heavy.

You knew Mauga.

And with such.

You just don't know how to engage with him.

On a conversation? Yes. Your profession is your duty.

You don’t really get along with those who rely solely on themselves as an advantage, even though you respect their abilities.

The feeling is mutual. Every time someone gets hurt because of something beyond their control, you are there to help them.

Because that's your job as a medic.

You both have quite a difference in interests, though. You can't stand the fact that he’s so reckless, you can't understand why he doesn't think more carefully before he acts. As soon as he sees blood, it's always the most important thing.

Mauga stands tall, towering over his opponents with an impressive height of 7'5 ft tall. (My headcanon)

Mauga is a formidable opponent on the front lines thanks to his strong, muscular physique. His broad shoulders and thick neck gives off an air of strength and power, and his body is well-built, demonstrating his strength and capacity to deal severe damage to rivals.

Did I mention he has two hearts?

Unlike you, Mauga is a ruthless and cunning individual, driven by his own motivations. He never lets anyone interfere with his goals, whether or not they involve you. While he might act with reckless disregard sometimes, he is also able to calculate the best course of action.

Not anyone knows this. But you knew nontheless with Baptiste.

You may be underestimating him in some way, or you may have witnessed the genuine thing, up close and personal, but he always brags about his achievements without hesitation or shame. His fighting style turns wild and unpredictable when he fights. If Mauga doesn't want to win, he will take his time, before using ChaCha and Gunny, his chainguns, to grab the victory, and he won't give up until he achieves his objective.

He definitely is careless, isn't he?

"He's breathing just fine, Baptiste. I would say he is in perfect health, aside from the injuries, I can't detect any signs of any damage injuries either." You said as you stood up. Baptiste sighs relief. "I'll leave him to you doctor. Don't worry, I trust that you have everything under control." He says this to you while nodding in satisfaction.

This gesture of his is a way of gratitude towards the medic's work.

"I will be back later," he says as he leaves to make a round to prepare for battle.

While Baptiste was gone, you sat next to the downed mercenary soldier and begin to observe him. In the midst of his unconsciousness, he seems to be in a good state. There was no sign of discomfort or pain. His pulses are fast but steady, knowing that Mauga have two hearts, one that allowed him to replace his damaged, organic heart with a cybernetic one. That way, his heart will beat twice as fast. You can easily tell that Mauga is in his natural state.

Your eyes began to feel heavy after observing him for some time. You weren't sure if it's due to fatigue from watching him, or simply exhaustion from your duties as a medic.

Before you knew it, you fell asleep.

When you awoke, you find yourself staring back into the face of Maugaloa Malosi, whose lips formed into those flashing, same pasted smile as usual. “Ah, Doctor. How nice to see you again.”

You quickly wake up, sitting straight up on the chair. “M-Mauga!" You exclaimed, alarmed. "H-How is you- I mean are you feeling alright?”

He grinned at you. “I am feeling rather fine.” You let out a long, sigh of relief. However, you didn't anticipate that this would happen frequently. “I see..." You replied.

Silence takes over for a while. Mauga stared at you intensely before taking a step forward. “Your Y/N, correct? Baptiste little assistant. I've heard much about you, but never expect that I would get to get treated from you.”

You flinched slightly at his words 'assistant' and the word 'little', but you remained calm. “I'm glad that you feel better now. You should rest and recover. If you still need them..."

“I appreciate the concern,” he says as he reaches towards your shoulder. You instinctively raise your hands in preparation of blocking. This caught him off guard, causing him to pause in his movements, then booms laughing.

“My apologies, Teuila. I thought that you might have forgotten what I do here,” he said in that familiar, friendly tone.

“If I recall correctly, I haven't given you permission to touch me.” This comment caught him off guard as he chuckles deeply.

He stares at your hand for a while longer. You're beginning to become worried. After a brief silence, he reaches forward and lightly holds onto your wrist.

“That’s a very sensitive spot…” He whispers gently. Your heartbeat begins to accelerate. “And your pulse is fast. Is this normal?” he asks. “Yes,” you respond in a soft voice.

“Then why are you afraid? You know I'm not going to hurt you...” He grinned. His sharp teeth glinted menacingly in the dim light. "Surely you've already made a friend? You also gave him a lot of attention than you do with me. Or have you grown to dislike me?"

"...I... I beg your pardon-" your speech is interrupted by Baptiste with a tired expression.

"Hey... Sorry that I took so long. I went to gather supplies. Mission was a success." He sighed in relief as he approached you.

"Mauga, I'm glad your awake bud." Baptiste sighs in relief and smiles at Mauga. Mauga returned the gesture before looking back at you.

He still has that huge grin plastered across his features while his eyes darted towards yours. "You're crazy out there Mauga. Do you really think that you can defeat the enemies single handedly?" Baptiste says with a chuckle. “You know me Baptiste, I never do things without planning them out.” He grinned, revealing that row of dazzlingly white teeth. “I still don't understand how you've been knocked down so easily. It's hard to believe that you can be beaten like that.” Baptiste gives a half smirk, half frown.

You listen to their conversation, and you try to make sense of it. Mauga laughs at the situation, as if it's all so obvious. "C'mon, Baptiste, we have bigger problems than me right now. The mission is a success because we finally found the enemy camp. But it was a close call, and we needed your medical expertise to treat the wounded," Mauga explains to Baptiste while looking directly into his eyes with a sly smile. "I carried your massive ass in this camp with support of your weight alone. You ought to be pleased to have a subordinate with such skill." Baptiste smirks. He was referring to you. Mauga laughs at his friend's criticism, displaying his amusement at the circumstances.

"So yeah. It was pretty rough, but we managed to secure the objective! Isn't that great news?"

It's not really a surprise to you.

Mauga does tend to put himself in danger, especially when he's in an unfamiliar place.

This guy is completely reckless, which is why you can't believe that he managed to survive so many battles without falling apart or breaking down.

"Your a loose-canon, but I hope ended well..." you say calmly, hoping that you sound convincing enough.

"I can assure that I have the highest respect and admiration for your abilities as a medic. I would never doubt your skills, even if I hadn't personally experience how skilled you are in dealing with wounds." Mauga comments, he sounds sincere as ever.

Baptiste grins again. "That's a big ego of yours, my friend. You should consider giving a few compliments to the people who did more than you."

"I would love to, my friend, but there's nothing wrong with being modest about our accomplishments."

"Alright," Baptiste said, sounding annoyed.

--------

After several hours, days, months of treating your patients at base. You cannot help but wonder seeing Mauga quite often, whether that is purely because of duty or something else. Although it is difficult to tell what he's thinking, there are moments where you notice the way that he is constantly staring at you. Like he's trying to figure out something about you:

studying your appearance, facial expressions, mannerisms. Sometimes he gets lost in his thoughts, sometimes he appears to be lost in his own world, occasionally, you could catch him smirking knowingly, or even smiling to himself. These small gestures usually only occur during times when it's with you with him. Sometimes, the man is just too cheerful, or too energetic in general.

You could hardly handle the stress of handling all these patients in the infirmary on your own. You're starting to miss having Baptiste around to keep him occupied while you go through patients. You sighed loudly not until Mauga appears behind you

You found him with wounds on his chest and torso. You turn to look at him, "What happened?"

"Nothing serious..." He grins, showing his sharpened teeth.

"Just a minor injury, eh?" You raise an eyebrow at the mercenary, crossing your arms over your chest. Mauga simply shrugs as he sits on a table.

There was another period of silence between you two, and the atmosphere seemed to tense up considerably. This time, it's you who breaks the silence. "I'm sorry that you got injured. I don't know how I should react seeing someone else getting hurt so casually. You could have died out there. And that's not the worst thing that can happen," you said sarcastically and sternly.

He chuckles. "Oh really? Tell me more." He leans closer to your face, gazing deeply into your eyes. "Ah. So that's how it is."

You glare at him angrily, but he ignores you as you continue working. "Are you seriously going to mock me for worrying about you?"

"Not at all," he replied, with a hint of sarcasm. "But there is one thing that concerns me."

"What? You're going to insult me too, aren't you?" Mauga laughs while Y/N tends his injury.

The felt of your touch sends shivers throughout his entire body. He tries hard to suppress the sudden urge to grab her hand and hold on tightly. It's becoming harder to control these urges though. He shakes his head rapidly as he pulls away from you. He looks at you with narrowed eyes. "I'm not mocking you, you know?"

Your gaze flicks briefly to his. "Hm."

There was a short silence between you two, until you began to clean a cut on one of his legs. You noticed his gaze follow every movement of your fingers. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I'd prefer that you didn't ask questions so frequently, Teuila."

"Teuila?" You face him. "You know, I never asked you of this... But why do you call me that?" He lets out a deep chuckle and replies. "Because you look like Teuila. It fits well, doesn't it?" He flashes you a warm smile before turning his head away again.

You shrugged of his answer, continuing your work without saying anything further, although you were extremely curious. "Teuila... What does that word mean?" There's a brief moment of silence in between the two of you once you finished cleaning up the blood staining his leg. A faint smile plays across his lips again. "I thought you were better than that."

"And you think that you're better than me?"

"Yeah," he replies smugly.

"Then... You've obviously underestimated me, don't you?" You give him a challenging smirk. He returns the smile with a smirk of his own, but he then turns serious again. His eyes narrow. "Let me enlighten you. That name means 'flower'. Do you understand what kind of flower it means?"

You gave him a blank stare. He continues to smirk, waiting for you to understand his meaning. Eventually, you sigh, putting your hands on your hips. "Do I look like I care to know?" You scoff, rolling your eyes lightly.

Mauga laughs. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter what you think of it..."

There was silence between you two for a few seconds, and you looked away with furrowed brows.

You finish patching up the mercenary, placing some bandages around him and securing them securely. "Now that I finished helping you, you're dismissed." You professionaly said after you made sure that everything was covered properly. Mauga laughs at this. "Really? Now? Just like that?" He asks mockingly.

"Yes Mauga, I don't have any other duties besides tending to your wounds. I've been doing that for quite some time now," you responded coldly.

Mauga raises an eyebrow at this. "You know, if you start beginning to care about those wounds, you might find yourself losing them. If you want me to leave your clinic quickly, then you'll have to earn my trust first, which requires some work."

You sigh heavily. Of course Mauga will insist on making things difficult for you. "I am no doctor Mauga, I cannot cure your injuries." You sarcasticly said.

"Oh I know that. But you're still willing to take the risk." He chuckled.

"You wouldn't had to waste precious time coming here in order to talk shit."

Mauga laughs at you again, grinning like a cat that ate the canary. "I wouldn't waste too much time coming here either, but I also wouldn't be able to enjoy it quite as much because you'll be gone by then," he says confidently. "Besides, you're not exactly known for your patience." You roll your eyes, turning back to the table in front of you.

"You know I've always wondered what it feels like to be your patient," Mauga mused. "To be the one receiving the attention of the most skilled medic in your battalion."

"You must be joking," you replied, you know what he meant, not wanting to think that you would ever become his patient.

"No. You know me... " He grins. You groaned. "Don't' make such assumptions, we don't know each other all that well yet."

"Yet..."

You glared at him as he laughed. "Whatever. It seems like there's no stopping you, is there? We haven't even officially met yet, and already you're acting as if you have a good relationship with me." You sighed exasperatedly, massaging the area of your forehead in irritation.

"Listen, Mauga. My job is simple, I care for my patients and treat them well. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe I'm different," he said cockily.

"How? Are you not afraid of dying?"

"No... No I'm not... I've done so much more reckless things than death." His expression suddenly shifted to an emotionless one. For a moment, it felt almost as if he wasn't looking at you anymore. Then he chuckled softly, giving you a playful wink. "But I'm no saint."

"It must be hard to admit being human." You shook your head slightly.

"Sometimes." His grin returned to his features.

You couldn't help but stare directly into his eyes for a little longer, taking in how dark they actually are.

Mauga shows a huge plastered face. His still wearing his dumb smile.

You blinked at him.

He blinked back.

You rolled your eyes. "Stop smiling so much." He continued to laugh, as you turned away from him again. Mauga stood up and stretched lazily, "I have something to attend to, I'll be seeing you later," Mauga teasingly said as he made his way towards the door. He opens it, but he glances back.

A small smirk forms on his lips.

You watch him disappear outside the door, closing it behind him with a click. Once the door closes you let out a heavy sigh, resting your back against the wall behind you. Your heart is racing a mile, a minute, both at the prospect of having finally been alone with Mauga again, and the strange feeling within you after you spent several hours alone with him.

This feeling...

It's definitely not normal.

End of part 1

Part 2- ???

[cosmerelists]

If Cosmere Characters Had Real-World Jobs (But Not The Obvious Ones)

In this list, I wanted to try to give Cosmere characters jobs in our world while avoiding the jobs that would be the most obvious picks--like, for example, the real world equivalent of whatever their canon job is.

1. Kaladin: Professional Football Player

It's a dangerous job that Kaladin's dad would scoff at, but the other kids in town think it's really cool and also the recruiters are coming through town and, I mean, he's really good at football.

2. Lirin: Public Defender

If we avoid the obvious job (doctor), then Lirin still needs a job where he is doing good, but it's pretty thankless and the general public are suspicious and think he might actually be evil somehow. So I figure: public defender. He's highly educated, helping people who need it, and just getting nothing but grief as a result. Worst of all, his smart son wants to be a FOOTBALL player!

3. Marsh: Masseuse

I feel like people who are good at hemalurgy know about the body and its pressure points and things like that. And frankly, "acupuncturist" felt too on the nose.

4. Shallan: Park Ranger

Shallan HATES to be confined, so no way she's going into an office job. Plus, she likes nature and animals, but I'm trying to avoid the more obvious jobs (like botanist or ecologist). It's just too bad that Shallan is SO bad at staring a campfire, though.

5. Navani: Wedding Planner

Navani is VERY good at managing people and events, as seen when she had to manage everything while Gavilar was off plotting. She's also very organized and literally invented wristwatches. So I think she's be very good at this job.

6. Elend: Grad Student

This one may be too obvious, but I figure something like "politician" or "philosopher" are more obvious. But to me, Elend has major grad student energy.

7. Nale: Insurance Adjuster

Nale is a cop, of course, through and through. But if he wasn't a cop, then he'd need some other job where he uses the rules to screw people over. So I see him as, like, an evil insurance guy who's denying people medical coverage because the company wants him to.

8. Blackthorn-Era Dalinar: Debt Collector

If flashback Dalinar couldn't make a living mowing people down in battle and had to find a less obvious job, then I could see him being the guy to hunt down people and demand money they don't have. He doesn't really care about the money. He just likes the hunt.

9. Adolin: eSports Player

It's a job where you can head-to-head battle people and your dad is vaguely puzzled and thinks you should be doing something more important with your life.

10. Lightsong: Customer Service Agent

In canon, Lightsong's job is to face down a huge line of people and tell them "no" in response to them asking for something they want. So, I mean, I feel like that's equivalent to one of those shitty customer service jobs where you're not really allowed to help people (until, of course, Lightsong goes rogue and does start helping people, but that's another story...)

11. Stormfather: Bus Driver

He has his route, and he's not deviating from it. And if you miss the bus, he's not stopping. He's not going back. You can try to run, but you will not catch up to him.

12. Tress: Mechanic

As a Sprouter, Tress had to figure out how each of the spores worked and how to use them. I just feel like she'd be good at diagnosing issues in machinery and then fixing them.

13. Steris: Programmer

She's precise, she's smart, she likes rules. I think coding would suit her.

14. Yumi: Waitress

She could stack the plates SO high.

15. Marasi: Investigative Reporter

Which, honestly, is what I wish she had been rather than being a cop like in canon. I think it would suit her! She'd get to research, investigate, find the truth...

16. Kelsier: Motivational Speaker

He tells you about the power of smiling no matter what, so that you are never defeated. He tells you to carry something small, some memento or photo, to help you find your motivation. You tells you that no goal is out of reach--you just have to find the right people and the right steps to move forward. And he tells you that the most important thing is to survive.

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Double-Mutated Mikey

Chapter 12: Make A Plan

Continued from the short story written by @boots-with-the-fur-club

Prev || Next

Mikey is becoming more and more comfortable around April.

At first, he barely lets her touch his head. Only when his eyes are closed. He treats Casey Jr. the same way, growling softly if he gets too close to him.

But by lunch, he lets April rub his shell, stroke his tail, and even hug him. He lets Casey hold his hand and walk beside him and give him little snacks and treats that he knows he will love.

At one point, while the group are sitting around and conversing, Mikey crawls over to April and sits in her lap. He eventually curls up and falls asleep, his tail wrapping around the back of her..

"Awww," she coos. "This is so adorable! He's just like Mayhem!!"

April softly pets Mikey's head, stroking the back of it and tracing down his neck to the edges of his shell. She can't rub the fractured carapace as well as Dee, Leo, or Raph. Their hands are rougher and don't get caught on the sharp edges of the scutes.

"So... what are the plans now? How are we going to fix this?"

Leo clears his throat.

"While Don-Tron is working on a cure for the double mutation, I've been doing some Googling on how to handle Miguel's memory issues..."

Raph and April snicker softly.

"...And I came up with this," Leo says proudly, as he produces printed sheets with a bullet list of points and instructions. "Tips to help improve memory!"

Leo clears his throat and straightens the papers as he begins to read them off.

"Tip one: Exercise. Physical activity will help blood flow through the body and into the brain. Most doctors recommend around 150 minutes weekly of physical activity."

"So... how many minutes is that daily?" Raph asks, his brain trying to understand the maths.

"150 minutes is 2.5 hours, Raphala," Donnie grumbles. His eyes are starting to droop, and he leans against Leo to rest.

"Two and a half hours isn't so bad, I'm sure he could knock that out in a day!" Raph exclaims cheerfully.

"Continuing," Leo says, going down the list. "Tip two: Stay Mentally Active. Keeping his mind exercised is just as important as the physical exercise."

"How do we exercise his brain?" Raph asks, tilting his head.

"With things like games, puzzles, hobbies, reading, etc."

"Can Mikey read?" Casey wonders aloud.

Leo furrows his brow.

"We haven't tried that yet... But we can teach him how to read again, if needed. Besides, he can read ASL!" Leo says with a snap of his fingers. "I'm sure he'll be fine. Now, on to the next one... Tip number three: Socialization. Mikey needs to spend time with us to help with things like mental depression and stress. In addition, our being around him will likely jog some of his memories! And we definitely want him to be comfortable around those he doesn't recall as well, so let's keep that up..."

April and Casey Jr. nod in unison.

"Tip número cuatro: Staying Organized. This is more for things like short term memory loss, but still useful, since we don't yet know the full extent of Mikey's mental trauma. So far he's doing well, but it never hurts to cover every base. The less Mikey has to worry over, the better. That means no more messy leftover dishes in the living room, Dad."

Leo sends a jesting glare over at his father, who is sitting in his couch munching on the tiramisu. Splinter grumbles back at him, but nods all the same.

"And on to tip five: Getting Proper Sleep. Poor sleep schedules have been linked to memory loss, which is no real surprise, let's be honest. And it doesn't even mean just staying up late, restless sleep is the same. Mikey needs rest, along with activity. Seven to nine hours of undisturbed slumber is best. But because of... what happened to him, it's possible that Mikey might have nightmares or trouble resting peacefully. So, we'll need to take some shifts and schedule sleepovers and turtle piles."

"Raph's fine with that," the snapping turtle says with a smile.

Dee raises his hand and grunts out a soft "ditto".

"Great. Next up on the list is: A Healthy Diet. Mikey's eating needs have changed somewhat, but it's nothing we can't handle. Three meals a day, meat with each one, and of course fruits, vegetables and whole grains."

"Good thing I just went shopping," April says with a grin, stroking Mikey's head again.

He purrs in his sleep and nuzzles his beak into the underside of her knee. His soft breath tickles her skin, but she doesn’t dare move.

"Tip number seven: Manage Chronic Health problems. We gotta stay on top of any issues Mikey has. Which, he probably will. The site I checked didn't have anything on turtle mutations, but it mentioned things like high blood pressure, obesity, and depression."

"Uhhh.... I dunno if obesity is one we need to worry about with Mikey," April says, looking him over. "Kid's thin as a rail... didn't they feed him in the labs?"

Leo, Raph, and Casey exchange glances. Well, that explains breakfast, they realize...

"He might not have obesity or high blood pressure, but the trauma he endured could have resulted in depression," Splinter interjects. "And most likely anxiety."

His sons know that he is talking from experience.

"We'll be on the lookout for that. But he does have some interesting new physical things we need to be careful about," Raph chimes in. "For instance, his aversion to cold."

"Right," Leo says, pointing at Raph. "We need to keep the lair warm for him, or else he goes into shock. We kinda found that out the hard way last night..."

"Also, his eyes -- the lair needs to be properly lit up during the day. Which means, we need a few extra lamps, because the mood lighting around here ain't gonna cut it," Raph says, looking around the room at all the dark corners they haven't gotten to decorating with neon signs and lights yet.

"I think we also need to be careful about his shell," April notes.

"Why? What about it?" Leo asks, leaning forward, much to Donnie's irritation. He is still slumped against him for support.

"Look here, these bits that are raised up? Kinda look like a armadillo armor?" April says, pointing it out. "If you look underneath, you'll see he has a kind of... softer shell. It almost looks like Donnie's soft shell, but different. Almost of like reptile skin, y'know? But it looks sensitive..."

"Okay, so be careful about Mikey's undershell," Leo says with a nod. "Got it. This shouldn't be too hard!"

"In the meantime, let's come up with some stuff we can do with him to keep him occupied," Raph says with a smile.

"Right! He's pretty energetic, so the exercise won't be an issue."

"Could we risk taking him to a park?" Casey asks. "I mean, when it's in the evenings or empty?"

"I doubt it," Leo exhales. "He might run off or get lost. And it isn't like before, when we could just wear hoodies and pretend we were normal. People might recognize us now. And we can't risk the TCRI scientists or the EPF finding him again."

"I can build sumfin' for him," Donnie mumbles sleepily. "Monkey bars or whatever... cat tower to climb on. Sumfin'. Angelo would like that..."

"Do you think he can still draw?" April asks.

"He could barely hold a fork, so maybe not..."

The room falls quiet and somber.

"...But, we can still try, right?" April offers.

"Yeah... yeah! Of course!" Raph proclaims. "Mikey loves to make art, no matter what! He can still play around with it if he wants... maybe not with his more expensive stuff, like the fancy markers and junk; we'll work our way up to those. Better start small..."

"I can buy him some crayons and coloured pencils!" April offers. "And my college has this huuuuge roll of paper that they use for the drawing club! I bet they wouldn't notice if one or two rolls went missing..."

Leo rubs his hands together mischievously.

"Oh, I'm all in for that."

"We can schedule movie nights more regularly," Splinter offers, taking another bite of tiramisu -- and then promptly choking on it, after the chocolate dust does down his windpipe because he talked with his mouth full.

"Sure, but not too late in the evenings. Okay, Pops?"

Splinter raises a thumbs up as he hacks and chokes on the cake.

"Cassandra has some puzzles and friendship bracelet kits for the girl scout meetings," Raph interjects. "I'm sure she'd let us borrow a few for Mikey."

"And Donnie can find some easy-to-read books down at the mystic library!" Leo adds. "Right, Donnie? ... Donnie?"

Leo turns around to see that Donatello has fallen asleep against his back.

The group collectively roll their eyes.

Raph helps Leo to lift him up. Donnie murmurs in his sleep, even opens an eye just a wink, but promptly falls back into his rest.

Leo starts to carry his twin back to his room where he can sleep properly. Raph goes to April and picks up Mikey as well, getting an idea...

The group follow Leo into Dee's traincar and watch as the brothers take his battleshell off and tuck him into bed for a good long nap. Leo is sure to get one of Donnie's more comfortable and oversized sweatshirts and wrap it over him. Once he's situated, Raph gently lays Mikey on top of the softshell. The mutated box turtle wiggles into place on his brother's chest, where he can absorb his heat and feel his breathing. A blanket is thrown over the two as the final touch.

"There," Raph says with a soft smile. "Now Donnie won't be getting up for a while."

April and Leo chuckle softly. Splinter smiles sweetly at his sons, and they leave the two to their well-deserved rest.

Prev || Next

[mageofseven]

Okay first off, I wanna say sorry for how long it took me to get to this! I had intended to get to this quickly, but I got too focused and inspired with my ship series' I've been writing.

Better late than never though, right? 😅

Reminder for others that this continues off of this post. Since that post is from a point before I started writing for Mephisto, sadly my sweet noble tsundere won't be in here.

Now let's get started~

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

Okay so I would like to start by organizing these men into their roles. Those who hovered, those who didn't but still were actively by her side and taking cave of her, those who took care of the pregnancy related issues not directly attached to MC's being (scheduling doctors appointments, paying bills, retrieving any med or vitamins she needs, etc.), those who heavily carried her via emotional support, those who accidentally would make her feel worse, and those who had a way of making her destress as if nothing has changed, maybe some others if I think of more as I go.

After this, I will continue with the story of her pregnancy and how the men discover and react tor her carrying multiples. Unlike most of my pregnant MC stories though, I'm not going to give her some huge risk in this one. She...well, the poor woman is already under enough stress as it is 😅

~

The Major Hoverers:

Lucifer- No surprise here. This man is...well, he is stressed and anxious in general, but to see his love so anxious and in low spirits while knowing he himself might be a dad once more in the coming months...it's just a lot for this poor man. Does his very best to make sure nothing goes wrong and that MC is as comfort and healthy as possible.

Mammon- This dude is fucking terrified of screwing this up. He doesn't know if this is his kid or not and at this point, he can't let himself even think about it or he'll just get even more nervous. Right now, his Human is the priority and he's gotta take care of her--and try not to fuck up in the process.

Active Caretakers, but They Chill:

Simeon: Even once it finally occurs to this man that this child could be genetically his, he doesn't freak out; he simply doubles down. His Feather doesn't need him bringing her more anxiety after all.

Asmo: This sweet man is constantly giving her massages and whispering sweet words in her ears. Yes, his poor Dolly is very achy and emotional from the pregnancy, but he does his very best to make it easier on her!

Beel: Regardless of what he's eating or how much he has left, he will always offer some of his food to her. He can also often be found with his hand on her belly in some fashion, especially when she is the most upset. MC loves the feeling of having at least one of his big hands on her belly because it makes her feel so comforted and safe.

Satan: Unsurprisingly, this man was constantly reading pregnancy books to try and understand what her body was going through and what he could to make things easier on her. He would also read aloud to her any book she wished as a way of distracting her from the stress of it all.

Belphie: This man...he has glue himself to this woman out of a strong mixture of love and obligation. Yes, he hates every single thing about this situation, but this man has a moral debt to the love of his life because of the night he murdered her so you can bet your ass he's staying by her side, forgoing naps (that she doesn't join him for), and is doing anything she needs him to do.

Barbatos: This man barely makes it onto this list because he has an actual time intensive job to attend to, but he is so determined to be by his Dear's side that he makes it work. Barb has such a calming influence on MC and it seems that just by him showing up, whatever was upsetting her or whatever problem arose was suddenly not so bad because she knew Barb could fix things.

Handlers of the More 'Covert' Pregnancy Issues:

Diavolo: He paid for everything; literally everything. This man felt so guilty that he couldn't be with MC as much as he wanted to be. He visited as much as possible, but in truth, he wished desperately that he could be up on the list of Active Caretakers. Being a prince and the work load that comes with it acts as a barrier to this though so the best he can do for his sweet Queen is to shoulder the financial side of this pregnancy. Doctors appointments. Medications. Any tests she needs done. He makes sure they are all paid for and she doesn't need to worry about a thing in this regard. Also buys the bulk of the baby things. The clothes, the furniture, the toys. He went a bit over board, but the look on MC's face made it all worth it. She cried thick happy tears because her baby already has more than she ever had as a child and so it made her feel more secure about her child's future.

Barbatos: This man handles the scheduling of her doctor appointments and is usually the one the one to bring her to them. Some how makes sure she is never late no matter how the day originally goes or what bad luck my strike that day.

Lucifer: Is next in line to bring MC to her doctor appointments if Barb isn't available to. Tends to ask the doctor a million and one questions and wants copies of the doctor's notes on MC and the baby to go through during his limited free time. Also insists on being the one to pick up her meds and be the one to give them to her each day. Those vitamins are important, MC, and he needs to make sure you take them.

Emotional Support Supermen:

Simeon: Are you even surprised? This has been his role since the very moment he sensed the baby and he's not giving it up as long as his poor lamb needs him.

Asmo: The king of making others feel loved and important. MC is in good hands.

Solomon: Would love to be listed as an Active Caretaker of his sweet little Minx, but the others, most of the brothers to more specific, seem to resent it if he even tries to help out too much and so he tends to stick to the sidelines. Still, he always has a kind word ready and a new perspective to offer when needed. Soli is definitely a person to call when MC gets too overwhelmed and becomes too focused on a bad possibility.

Those Who Stress Her Out:

Leviathan: This man spend most of her pregnancy hiding from her; he takes it all really hard. In truth, he makes it up to her later after the birth, but for now, he hides away in his room like he does when anything scares him and MC is terrified for months that she has lost him over this 😢

Belphie: Believe or not, most of the time he's fine. Despite his opinion of the situation or the fact that he doesn't like kids, he doesn't let any of that control him. It's MC who knows how he feels about all of this who sometimes gets overwhelmed with her fears and worries, usually resulting in her heavily sobbing about how he's going to leave her (because why not, it feels like Levi already has), but it always ends with Belphie holding her tight and swearing to her "I'm not going anywhere, Butthead."

Lucifer: He mostly does fine, but she hates when he comes to her appointments with her because it feels almost like he harasses the poor doctor. Yes, she knows he does it out of worry, but that poor doctor doesn't deserve such criticism.

Her 'Everything Is Normal' Peeps:

Solomon: Honestly, most of the other men make a big deal about her baby and the upcoming changes and in truth, they are a very big deal. However, sometimes it feels like they don't treat her like they used to. Instead of treating her like the person they've always known and love, they treat her like porcelain with a belly. Solomon doesn't. He treats her no differently during the pregnancy than he did before it to the point that some of the other man scold him for it, believing he is too reckless with the pregnant woman. MC appreciates it though and feels like he sees the woman behind the big belly.

Barbatos: Unlike Solomon, he gives MC a similiar feeling without being reckless. He will often take MC out of House of Lamentation to give her a break from the other men, but usually not far; often just to the back garden. The two would sit and talk about just about anything, except the child she carried that caused her back aches and the men inside to go insane about her. Giving her time to focus on other parts of life helped her feel more like a person again and less strangled by upcoming motherly responsibilities and for that, MC deeply appreciated her butler boyfriend.

The Sweetie that Comes with Sweets:

Of course I'm talking about sweet baby Lukey! He's going to be a big brother after all so how could he stay back and not help?

And in truth, he is a major help to MC emotionally. His presence alone makes her whole day better.

It's cute seeing his face as he learns different things about MC's changing body (nothing graphic, just things like how the baby starts out smaller than a pea and somehow grows to baby size and stretches her belly along the way. It blows his freaking mind lol)

The moment he first felt the baby kick inside MC's belly, part of him swore up and down it had to be a prank because how can a baby who hasn't even been born do that???

MC has a lot of sugar cravings during her pregnancy so this kind little baker makes her a lot of sweets.

Simeon ends up having to gently ask the two to cut back on the baked goods--gestational diabetes is a thing after all 😅

That's ok because Lukey is the sweetest part about her day after all 💕

Now with that that all sorted, let's move onto MC's experience during the pregnancy!

The Story:

It was a very stressful pregnancy for her

Starting the very moment Levi hid away from her after hearing the news about her baby.

Right away, she lost one man that she loved and it killed her.

It was a very hard start to the pregnancy.

Luckily, the other men broke through the shock and stayed by her side, determined to take care of her and her child regardless of whether the baby's genetics matched theirs or not.

During the first trimester, the morning sickness was brutal, but the men comforted her through it.

It was mainly Lucifer, Mammon, or Asmo with her in the bathroom though, holding her hair back and comforting her as she cried and begged for it to just end.

She often had a headache during and after the morning sickness so the poor woman was just miserable.

She was also constantly in a pretty lethargic state, but this wasn't something that stayed in the first trimester, but lasted the entire pregnancy.

It seemed like no matter how many hours of sleep she got at night or how many naps she took with Belphie during the day that she was always still so tired and it was very upsetting to the poor woman.

This paired with her hormones made the woman extra sensitive during her pregnancy; the smallest issues would have this poor woman balling about how everything is going wrong in her her life.

Yes, they are sorry you dropped your lemonade and Beely totally feels empathy for you, but your world is not ending and these lovely men will get you another glass, okay?

To make matters worse, it didn't take long at all in her pregnancy for her boyfriends to notice that her belly was growing at a somewhat alarming rate.

Luckily, Diavolo and Barbatos already got her scheduled for her first appointment at the obgyn.

That was the appointment where MC learnt the truth--that she was having triplets.

The poor human sobbed. Triplets.

One baby was a lot of work and stressful enough but three? How were the other men going to react to three babies?

Barb gently shushed her and rubbed her back.

Yes, even he found this news surprising, but believed it ultimately changed nothing; he was going to stand by his sweet pet's side and if the remaining men have anything resembling a spine then they will do the same.

Poor MC was literally shaking when she came home and had to tell the others about the babies.

Lucifer and Mammon were scared shitless, but more devoted to this woman than ever.

Satan and Belphie were internally groaning, but keeping themselves in check.

Asmo and Simeon became anxious, but wasted no time in comforting her and trying to raise her positivity.

Diavolo and Beel were genuinely excited at this news and couldn't keep their hands or lips off of her for a good minute or two, which was good because it brought MC from near tears to a little laughing fit. Those men oozed positivity and to them, her carrying more babies was the best news ever.

Barb and Solomon just smiled comfortingly at their love. Neither was scared or anxious nor were they overly excited. They were merely assured that regardless of how many babies she carried, everything would work out well. It was just like Solomon said the day MC announced her pregnancy: it takes a village to raise a baby and she has quite an impressive village before her.

One thing MC didn't realize when she made this announcement though was that the question of the pregnancy changed, or rather, the form of the question changed from single to multiple choice.

To be more clear, the question changed from "Who is the baby daddy?" To "Who are the baby daddies?"

Every man in the room knew this, but MC did not.

In the Devildom, it is more common for multiples to be the results of from different second parents than all from the same. Like, you can have twin and triplets with the same father, but it is much more rare compared to each baby having a different father

With this news in mind, all of the men worked harder to take care of the sweet, worried human.

Her pregnancy progressed, her belly stretched, her body was in a lot of pain from the growth and extra weight.

Heck, for the last two months, poor MC was mainly on bedrest and carried around when she wanted to changed rooms (she's been carried by all of the guys at least once, but Beel was always the most eager to carry her.

When the day of the birth came, the exhausted and achy woman was both eager for it and dreading it.

She wanted them out and out now, but dear devil, she knew pushing out three babies was gonna take a lot out of her.

The contractions started mid morning, causing Lucifer call Diavolo and the others against her wishes.

The contractions were minor now. She was no where near labor for now so it simply didn't seem right to frighten the non-HoL men into coming over when it will be literal hours just for her to start active labor.

Still, they rushed and the poor woman had even more men hovering her.

She's fine, the babies are fine, now let her watch TV in peace 🤦‍♀️

As a testiment to how fine she was in that moment, she even fell asleep against Diavolo's shoulder as they watched TV together.

However, it obviously didn't stay that way.

As the hours went by and the woman entered active labor, suddenly her tune was much different.

The pain was much harder, the contractions were much more consistent, and poor MC always needed to be gripping onto someone like her life depended on it.

Satan had read in a book that walking can help progress labor so each man took turns walking around the living room with the poor pained woman, stopping whenever she needed to.

Eventually, the pressure below became so severe, but her water still wasn't breaking. It had the labouring woman hysterically crying, refusing to make another step.

The men kept looking at each other, needing someone, anyone in the room to have an idea on how to help MC.

Satan bit his lip before stepping forward.

"I think I know what to do." He stated. "However, I need someone to get a stack of towels and we need to get MC to a bed."

Beel ran off to get the towels while Solomon, who currently had an arm wrapped around MC, scooped her in his arms since she refused to walk.

The group all headed to MC's room.

Soli laid her down gently, but MC gripped onto him tighter, refusing to let go.

The sorcerer whispered sweetly into her ear and kissed her cheek before the woman sniffled and slowly loosened her grip till he could step back from her and be replaced by Satan.

Beel came back just then and the blonde instructed him to lay a few of the towels on the floor by bed.

After that, Satan helped position MC at the edge of the bed and knelt in front of her.

"Okay, Kitten, I'm going to have to break your water--"

"Please!" She begged with every ounce of air in her lungs. "Please!"

With a guilty look in his eyes, the blonde did just that.

MC cried out as she felt her boyfriend slip his hand inside, only for her breath to hitch when she felt the water sack burst and the pressure dissipate.

The woman flung her head back in relief.

"Thank you..." She sobbed.

Despite her relief, poor Satan new from his books that he only helped her towards the most painful part.

MC had a minute or two of feeling okay and was able to catch up on her breathing before the contractions came back worse than before.

Immediately, Diavolo joined her on her left side, grabbing her hand and praising her, telling after months of waiting that it's finally happening.

Lucifer couldn't take it anymore. He joined her on her right and squeezed her hand, promising it will all be fine and they won't let anything happen to her.

Barbatos slips off his gloves and sets them aside before positioning himself between her legs, telling her to push with the contractions and focus breathing between them.

This went on for a while.

Breathe. Push. Breathe. Push. Breathe. Puuuuuush. Breathe.

Eventually, the human was crowning.

More pushing. The head was out revealing bright red hair, but small black spiral horns pointing straight up.

Barbatos raised an eyebrow at this, but the other men were too focused on the pain MC was in to notice what the butler saw as so strange.

After some more pushing, the first baby was pushed out into the butler's waiting arms.

"Solomon."

The sorcerer raised an eyebrow, but stepped forward and took the baby from the other man.

That's when he say it: the baby girl had Diavolo's red hair, Mammon's horns, and Lucifer's dark onyx eyes that reflected red light so well.

This is why they the butler entrusted the baby to him. The other men would only get confused and try asking questions at a point where MC was in no shape to hear them being asked.

Solomon turned away from the other men and grabbed a towel to clean off the newly born infant.

The other men were going to ask him about the newborn, but we're pulled back to their girlfriend by her cries of pain as the second one made its way down.

Honestly, the sorcerer was incredibly fascinated with this turn of events.

He finished cleaning the sweet girl off before kissing her forehead and gently laying her down in one of the cribs in the back of the room.

Meanwhile, the process was repeating though a bit quicker than before. This time, when the second baby crowned and revealed some of the hair on their head, the butler saw two colors.

Half the head filled with white and half the head filled with teal

...the same shade of teal as the ends of his hair.

Barbatos felt his heart beat quicken at this discovery, but he kept focused.

Once this second baby was able to slide out all the way, it was revealed that they also had a tail; a long black tail with a bright green tip.

Something Satan discovered right away.

The wrath demon intercepted the baby before Solomon could.

Instead of arguing this development, the butler simply accepted it.

"Please go clean her off and follow Solomon to the cribs." He said softly.

The blonde walked off with the baby, a confused look on his face.

He grabbed a towel and followed Solomon over to the the cribs.

It made no sense to him. This little girl had his tail yet share features of some of the other men. A mixture of Solomon and Barbatos' hair, Asmo's honey eyes.

What was going on?

Something clicked in his head however when he got a better look at the first baby in the crib, also a mix of three different men.

"A chiropteran conception?" He whispered to the sorcerer.

Soli smirked.

"Ah so you understand too, don't you?"

Satan stared down at his...daughter. well, not just his. Other than MC, he at minimum shared this little girl with the shady sorcerer in front of him, the butler between his girlfriend's legs, and the anxious lust demon in the crowd.

At most? Maybe every man here. They'll have to get these babies tested to see how far their genetic go, to see if it's a full of partial chiropteran conception. Either way, this will be an...interesting experience to say the least.

The blonde cleaned up his daughter and laid her in another crib as MC birthed the last baby, coming much, much quicker than the last two.

By the time the two men rejoined the group, the last baby was already born and in the butler's arms.

With it being the being the last baby and MC's pain being over, this was the first that the others truly focused on--and realized something was off with.

This baby was a little boy. What most of the people in the room found strange about about the child however was mixtures of features.

The dark blue-black hair with orange highlights, purple eyes, angel wings, a slightly dark skin tone and...well, he definitely took after Levi by having double the 'part' between his legs.

"I...what?" MC panted, staring down at her son, who gently cried down within the butler's arms.

Solomon handed Barb a towel, who gratefully took it and began cleaning up and the little boy in his arms.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" Solomon smiled at her. "I think all three of them are a beautiful mixture of us all."

MC laid their speechless as the sorcerer headed back towards the cribs, followed by Satan.

The sorcerer brought back the oldest daughter while the blonde brought back up the youngest daughter.

Dia raised his eyebrows.

"A chiropteran conception... fascinating."

While some of the men knew the term, most did not and MC most certainly didn't so the prince took the time to explain it to the group.

It was unclear at this point whether this was a the result of a full chiropteran conception (meaning all three babies carry the genetics of every single man in the room) or a partial chiropteran conception (each baby contains the genetics of the men whose genes they get their looks from). The latter is the most common when this many men are involved, but they will have to get the babies tested just in case.

At this explanation, MC was looking around at her boyfriends, looking for reassurance that everyone was okay with this

And sure enough, each man latched on like usual with sweet words and kisses, praises and reassurances.

In truth, this was a strange twist but no man present truly had an issue with it.

It will take some time to figure out what sort of dynamic the men should of adopt.

Also, Diavolo unfortunately has a lot of royal legal history to dig through to see what the laws say about chiropteran conceptions and heirs.

If this is a full conception than it doesn't really matter too much, but if it's a partial chiropteran conception then he worries his (and MC's and Lucifer's and Mammon's) daughter will be made to feel less than because of how she is biological will be bullied by the nobility. He would like her to be his heir less for the sake of having one but more to give her a social shield against the demonic elite.

The kids (in birth order):

Tatiana- a graceful and elegant but secretly sensitive and vengeful. Touch her siblings and you just might find a knife in your back. Sneaky, but even if she gets caught, she'll get away with it because she's spoiled and family comes first; her Daddies agree 100% 🥰

Selia- a very shy and emotional girl. Magical prodigy with Barbatos' future visions and Asmo's charming powers, two abilities she doesn't particularly even want. She's quiet and delicate, often found hiding behind her family or with her head down.

Milo- hyper, friendly, and troublesome (though never on purpose). This guy works off one superpowered braincell but once it's out of juice, so is he and he sleeps it off on the couch or in his room. He always have a kind word for everyone, but can be a bit naïve. Thinks fictions is perfect substitute for real life lessons and can be kinda slow to learn the true ones.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Vulnerability: Healing The Body One Day At A Time.

Sometimes I want to stay private. Other times I want to open up. Staying hidden had been a sanctuary at one point. Not sharing with the world my feelings and what damaged me. I got tired of feeling burdens in my body, so at the moment where can I start?

In this present moment, I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm exhausted. I'm hopeless. It seems the descriptions of lower feelings doesn't end. I've tried ignoring these feelings, replacing them with good thoughts. Trying to keep an optimistic smile, but that fake smile started to hurt.. And the mask began to wear off one day at a time.

It hurts to feel loneliness, but the truth is nothing can steal your joy but whatever dried up emotions are left infiltrating the mind with unwanted banter.

Its like... I can point out my flaws and my differences but I can't face the truth. I'm tired of truth. It's all I see everyday.

And what makes it funnier? I'm an oracle, and all I do is be 100% honest with people, but with me.... I lie so the triggers won't push too deep. I've ignored the villain that was imposter syndrome, and constantly took life too serious... Until life became a big circus show. And I'm the circus freak giving my performance.

Im annoyed, and constantly fighting tears. When I would cry and have those battles on the ground screaming 'I can't do it', it told me to get up and pick myself back up. You've grown up... you can't waddle your way out of this one.

I had no clue what I was doing, and before I still didn't, this new phase of adulthood I'm entering seems too much to handle but this where reality starts to hit. You're getting.., old. Older. More mature. Buying a house, getting a new car, even creating your own family. Life started to get a little practical... I thought I'd be a kid forever. But I was only talking about the imagination. Its fun being an adult, its so much freedom. It's just... I'm not built for whatever this reality is trying to show us, but I'm still trying. I'm still bringing forth change in my mindset, being more resilient. And allowing myself to be more than what my mind is constantly saying to me.

I've faced myself so much in 2023... Like.. the amount of times I had to look at myself in the mirror and could not escape. And sleeping with a mirror facing your bed don't make it no better, just makes you feel the emotions quicker (i got an interesting feeling when it comes to mirrors... portals man, portals).

I guess society has gotten its grip on the depressed gang, I've been working my way thru it. Theres absolutely no way in telling people that its easy to let go. Just something you learn to process on your journey. I'm learning both can be true at once. I'm learning to figure out what works, even if it takes a journey to reveal itself to me.

So how is this effecting my body... I get random body aches, I've had to make several hospital visits.. all of which there was no idea where the problem was truly stemming from. The doctor would prescribe me pills, they'd work for a while. Then later... the pain would come back again.

When our bodies are feeling pain especially in the organs, theres a spiritual connection that is making that happen. I use spiritual loosely here, what I mean is that our bodies can be carrying a lot of unwanted emotions. Be it rage, stress, depression, anything we don't want to feel but finds its way stuck in the body it'll start messing with your insides later on. When our spirits cannot rely the message, our bodies will for us.. for better or for worse.

I've found out I have health issues I didn't know existed.. I'm joking, well not really. I had no clue what galbladder disease was and def not anything with the gut. Even though I'd have random stomach aches here and there I never knew this would actually be an underlying problem. I didn't think I'd end up with a bunch of problems and it taking years to fix... Although I can be stubborn, I finally changed the way I ate.. it's been helping a bit.. I always did physical activity, but I noticed in my my present reality (3-6 months) its every other day out of the week. That's okay.

With accepting this truth I learned to be open to it because I started bawling.. I was losing weight like a mf and I had to drop all my clothes, still gotta do it now, or just get them tighten up. But its overwhelming.

I'm exhausted all of the time. My body is always on 'stop mode'. I can't work like the average woman because it gets me tired quicker. It kind of irks me because I want to do a little more but I just can't.

I feel as if I'm running out of time and I just don't know what to do. My subconscious is showing signs of paranoid thinking and I just can't see why I'm still running from my own reality.

its. just. too. much.

Im exhausted. And I've barely done anything.

I'm learning to feel my pain. Processing the very things that forced me into an uncomfortable matter.

It hurts to feel the feels of others dualities, but what do I do?

I gotta make amends with the shit I've dealt with, make use of them and take stride with whatever info comes up.

That's the secret. Pay attention to any fears, worries and anxious thoughts you could be picking up on because it's showing you a gate way to whats missing.

[foster-the-world]

Fun!

Oh Mary play was fun. Bizarre fun. Not sure it was my favorite but def some clever moments. My husband was a big fan.

A few years back I mentored one young mother through a very small nonprofit that helps former foster youth. Its basically two middle aged ladies who helped out a group of 8-10 former foster youth. They act as the informal support most people would receive from their family + recruit mentors. Anyway, they reached out today because one of the people in their current group has a ten year old whose struggling in school. Apparently her's in a not great school in the Bronx. Asked if I had any resources since we aren't that far. Neither of the group leaders have school aged kids. Wanted to know if a charter school would help him. So hard to know. If he's just having trouble because the schools not great then most charter schools will provide extra hours support to get him caught up. If he has a learning disability then most charter schools are going to counsel him out. They don't want kids who are going to bring down their test scores :( So depressing.

I tried to provide the DOE process of getting special need services but that takes months to even get an assessment spot. Compared to 99.9% of places there are a shit ton of resources. You can get literally hundred of thousands of dollars of services provided by the city. I know so many people who get over $200,000 of services per year free of charge from the city. Top notch/can't be better services. But its a fulltime job to figure it out and you've got to be first in line or its not happening. Or you need the cash to pay for assessments, etc that prove your kid needs these services. I have some friends that work in charter schools so if she's in the right neighborhood I can see if they still have room. I provided info on an organization that helps. But its all going to take so much time. For example today I've spent at least 2.5 hours researching, talking to other parents and texting with his providers. Its not an abnormal day. I'm not currently trying to chase down any new services. It just what is normal. I mean a little extra as its only the second week of school but still. I'm lucky I can do it at work/lunchtime. Anyway its all depressing. I don't know a solution. I'm thankful services are there but there has to be a better way.

I'm touring a school geared for ADHD kids next week. It would be for Kindergarten next year. Looks good for him. My only fear is they don't accept kids with behavior issues. He's a four year old boy with ADHD of course he has behavior issues. Why else would we be there? I assume they mean aggression? Going to find out. I read they require the kids to be medicated. I'm assuming that's for older kids. I can't imagine its a requirement for 5 year old. The APA doesn't even recommend until 6 unless there are extreme issues. We are unfortunately in the extreme issues territory hence looking for a school for kids with ADHD. I'm surprised private schools can make that requirement but I guess private schools can do whatever the hell they want. Seems fishy considering I'm sure every kid there has sued the city to have them foot the bill.

Baby boys doctor wants us to try Flovant to stop the asthma. Its the normal protocol. Not excited that some people have behavioral issues as a side effect. Not what my kid needs more of. Of course, as his doctor pointed out kids behavior gets much worse when they are feeling bad because of an asthma outbreak. Also, nervous because we are thinking of trying ADHD meds next month. I don't want to mix new things. Also, don't want to wait on the Flovant because Oct/Nov are his problem asthma months.

Feeling stronger about trying the ADHD meds. Every medical provider I've talked to has encouraged us to try. I know some people would take that as doctor's wanting a quick fix. I don't agree. I think they've seen it work from other kids and don't want our kids to suffer unnecessarily. Our ADHD parent coach- whose a big wig that's done a ton of published research on ADHD was very supportive of the idea.

Baby boy has also been using some language that is so sad. "My body feels wild. I can't stop it." "I'm mean to my friends. I don't know why." "I'm bad." He's only four. We don't use "bad" language. I don't want him thinking these things about himself. He has a really hard time controlling his body but he has the sweetest little heart.

Parent Teacher night for the girls. Excited to hear from Bee's teachers - as they are both new to the school. Bee had Rebel's teacher last year so that's not new.

The very kind teacher at the school who produces a morning announcement video created by/with the kids every morning announced she was pregnant today. I happened to be in the office. The kids were so excited. Very sweet.

[transmutationisms]

also a problem i think marks a lot of 'alternative medicine' in a specific way is the heavy reliance on mechanistic theories of disease and the deriving of treatment protocols from the practitioner's knowledge of physiology / anatomy / organic chemistry. it creates a situation where you go and you look at these people's theories and it's like well sure i can understand the argument you're making and if your premises are all correct and comprehensive, then it does seem like this treatment would work to solve the problem you describe. however it usually turns out the human body is more complicated or variable than a diagram in an anatomy textbook and these people back themselves into corners where they don't want to admit their idea didn't pan out in practice because they often have few and weak institutional links as a result of having marketed themselves as daring, heterodox, and counter-hegemonic, and now their livelihood is staked on what can best be described as "overpromising" and is often more accurately described as "lying".

orthodox medicine does ofc have the same fundamental problem with mechanistic theory failing to produce actual results (something like 1 in 27 drugs that ever gain any clinical trial will be approved for use in humans, and some of those really shouldn't even be, and that figure excludes everything that didn't even make it past the earliest stages of exploration) but there is a marginal degree of protection that is sometimes generated when dealing with pharmacological interventions approved by regulatory agencies (ie, not 'supplements'), plus prestigious medical institutions and practitioner groups tend to be sclerotic in a way not conducive to claims marketing themselves as radical and new, and instead generally favourable to treatment modalities the state likes, such as gaslighting patients and funnelling them into cbt over investigating biomarkers or pathological anatomy. noticeably different though equally insidious issues imo.

anyway i think this dynamic with alternative practices is particularly infuriating in that it drives a lot of people to dedicate significant amounts of time and energy to these particular mechanistic theories, like you will see people very admirably getting deep into the weeds on specific cellular pathways or metabolic processes or whatever else, and there's little check or context provided that would make clear the extent to which most of these ideas simply will never pan out in any appreciable way for people's quality of life. like you're told you need to, basically, become an expert in your own disease, you can solve it and fix your life if only you can gain the skills to wade through this 9999th paper on whatever it is! only what happens when it turns out the published research does not have a full grasp of whatever biological processes you're trying to understand?

in a certain way this whole dynamic just serves the interests of the medical establishment anyway: the promise is always that the knowledge is out there (or, it will be any day now) and it leaves little room for political or philosophical critique of WHAT knowledge, exactly, is out there and how it's produced and what these methods accomplish and whom they serve. yknow, you just need to find the next dizzyingly complicated overlabelled chemical flowchart made by a maligned secret genius doctor that will explain exactly how it all works. and then the body will for sure obey that. because THIS person is the one who has finally learned all the rules, and THIS time they'll work in practice exactly like they do on paper. we prommy

[thepro-lifemovement]

I would be interested in where you got your 95% of biologists agree from...

There is no definition of life, by the general checklist, fire is alive.

And if you mean by single cell organisms as life again this is disputed by the fact that many don't consider viruses to be alive. By the same logic cancer cells is also alive, as are many veg we eat, I assume you wouldn't embrace that?

I would also question where your pro life stance extends to all life or just unborn human life.

It's your choice to be anti abortion, that is your choice, but don't peddle inaccuracies. Abortions save lives. And please don't pretend you are prolife unless you care for all life, bugs, spiders... humans are the largest cause of extinction, I would assume you are anti human?

I dont mean to come off aggressive, I know how it will read, but this stance causes harm beyond your own experience, I'm sure of that else your view would be more sympathetic, and you language would be better aligned to your message.

You have the right to choose to not have an abortion, don't push for the loss of choice of others please, because that's ultimately all we have here on Earth, choice.

Don't try to take away choice, because what goes around comes around. Obviously you can choose to ignore me. But please consider it.

I would be happy to talk more if you wish.

Alex

Hello there.

I got the data from here:

And there is a definition on life. There are criteria that must be met for something to be considered "alive" for living organisms.

All living organisms share several key characteristics or functions: order, sensitivity or response to the environment, reproduction, growth and development, regulation, homeostasis, and energy processing.

If you would like an in-depth explanation for why an unborn child is considered a living human organism as early as the zygote stage, it is explained very well here:

My pro-life stand extends to all human life. I view all human life as valuable and believe no one, not even the government, has the right to take your life away from you. Abortion does not save lives. Women do not need abortion. Whenever you look into the reasons women die during pregnancy, those problems are not treated with abortion. They're usually resolved with early delivery of the baby. I am against elective abortion. Meaning I am against procedures that intend to end the life of the unborn child.

You do not understand what it means to be "pro-life." I do care about the ecosystem, but I value human beings more than plants or animals. That does not mean that I don't value plants or animals.

I think the pro-life view is more sympathetic than the pro-abortion or pro-choice one because we actually care about mothers and their families. We care about what happens to women and their children. We have organizations and facilities that support women through their pregnancy and motherhood. We advocate for mothers and their children. That's something I feel is lacking in the pro-choice movement because all I see them really caring about is access to abortion, even when it allows women to continue being sex trafficked and allows abortion facilities to get away with failing to report it. Women deserve better health care. We deserve so much better than abortion. As a women, I have already experienced discrimination with OBGYNs and doctors when it comes to my reproductive health. My family have experienced discrimination from doctors this year when it came to their pregnancy complications. Doctors do not take our concerns seriously and that is a huge issue we need to address and fix.

Choices are generally good, until it becomes someone else's duty to die. Your choice to abuse or harm someone is not good and I am allowed to fight against that. I would hope you would agree with that. We cannot just allow people to get away with intentionally harming or killing people because "it's their choice, it's their life." Every human being has the right to life, and that is the most important right that we have. It trumps all other rights. Without this right, we have nothing. And no one has the right to intentionally take the life of another human being.

-Sarah

[cottoncandysecretlair]

If this is such a free fucking country, why the fuck can't we apply informed consent to more things? Why the fuck do I have to beg a doctor and convince him I'm not insane just to get a medication that has a chance at helping me?

Like. I have PCOS. Spironolactone is prescribed for PCOS symptoms caused by androgens, like hair loss, hirsutism, and acne. I have PCOS and I have those symptoms. So why the fuck do I have to debate my doctor into offering it because "Oh but have you tried to lose weight? Here's nutrition guidelines, ask me again in a few months."

Like yeah. Medications have fucking risks. The estrogen in my fucking birth control puts me at a higher risk of stroke and raises my blood pressure, but going on the med that can balance my hormones and lower my blood pressure? Oooooh we gotta think about that.

And what about diagnostic shit too! Not even just medicines! Like yeah I get that you can't give an exploratory major surgery every time someone fucking asks, but why the hell can't I just walk up and just ask for an MRI scan? Or an x-ray? Fucking ultrasound? We gotta have daddy doctor's permission just to CHECK?

And what about fucking CPAP machines? My partner has sleep apnea and it's horrific to learn. You basically have to pay out of pocket for the fucking things even with insurance, but YOU HAVE TO GET A PRESCRIPTION. Okay listen. No one is going to be fucking harmed if they use a machine to help them breathe better at night, even if they don't need it like what the fuck is it gonna do that's a problem?

The claim there is "Oh but you want to be sure you get the right one because some people need extra features" and all I can think is like. Is it BETTER for someone with sleep apnea to have NOTHING AT ALL? That's like denying someone a basic rescue inhaler when there's a formulation that works better, like maybe it's best they DON'T choke.

I just. Idk. I'm not anti medical or anti science. I'm just fucking chronically ill and tired, and there's no help out there. I'm tired of having to deal with doctors making decisions that involve leaving me to suffer when I can't do anything about it.

Like. The main barrier to treatment for my longest term condition is a fucking diagnostic test. I have a muscle condition that makes it impossible for me as is, and physical therapy confirmed it was likely worsened by the pain and inflammation, and the muscle work alone wouldn't fix it.

And they could accommodate me. I've met so many people shocked that they won't, because they were accommodated. A muscle relaxer, a xanax, topical numbing, laughing gas, even putting me under are all options that others in my position have been offered. And I get denied any of those options because "it's not standard" and "you need to suck it up" over involuntary muscle spasms...

I don't care about fucking risks anymore, because is it really any less of a risk to live in pain, feel my body weaken from fatigue and dysfunction, all while there's something in my body actively causing harm to me and I have no way of even knowing how far it's spread, how serious it is, if it's harming my internal organs, anything...

Why the fuck can't I just sign a form saying I understand all the risks and then just ask for what I fucking need? I don't want to sound like I have a big head, but I've never been wrong about this shit. Every fucking issue or problem I spent years trying to convince doctors to listen and look into my concerns, and consistently when they eventually finally do, I turn out to be right. I hate it.

[camp-mithril-lake]

Can you tell us about your dratchet baby Pharma fic idea? I can't find you talking about it anywhere else and it sounds interesting

Here's the initial link:

I've thought about this more and have a lot more details now. Enjoy the word explosion you are about to get Anon.

So lets start with the divergence that leads to Pharma being born.

It is in a story that set off a bigger AU and funnily enough it is definitely Springer's fault since he is doing the timeline meddling he promised.

It starts with this random green guy (Springer) saving Drift and Gasket and their friends before disappearing like some storybook hero recommending that Drift take his friend to a doctor. The group splits up to lay low and Drift remembering Ratchet takes Gasket to him. Ratchet fixes him up but catches something bigger he agrees to treat. It requires Gasket stay a few days and Drift stays beside him hovering protectively and Ratchet lets him sleep in the small attached apartment. Slowly the two of them relax and confirm Ratchet is actually honest and sincere.

Drift keeps insisting on cleaning which flusters Ratchet who isn't used to the help.

Drift feeling bad for him after he hears that people aren't coming which is causing issues because the statistics show it isn't being used so his backers are uninterested. He tells Drift not to worry, he'll keep it open with his own money if he has to. Drift after thinking decides to make sure everyone knows and graffitis the place with a "safe place" mark. Ratchet arrives in the morning and is upset but then Drift explains. His clinic is viewed with thinly veiled distrust and used mainly by the desperate as most similar clinics are covers for organ dealers. Ratchet hears that everyone thought he was a chopshop and is genuinely distressed.

Ratchet doesn't clean it and sure enough some people start coming. Drift starts helping with simple repair and assistant work. Gasket doesn't want to do nothing so Ratchet, insisting he still needs rest, trains him on intake and he works the front desk and records. Gasket is a trusted face and his warm demeanor is helpful in further reassuring everyone it is fine.

He is also the one who calls Ratchet out on any classist or unintentional Functionist comments he makes because Drift is kind of starry eyed phase currently and just taking them. Ratchet learns and he in Drift start to get more comfortable with Gasket giving them a knowing look though he is keeping a sharp eye on Ratchet.

I'm going with Drift was religious so when things are going well he uses his first paycheck to actually go make a "proper" offering at the temple and pray there. Ratchet makes some comment and they argue a bit which makes Drift spiral with worry about getting them kicked out.

Ratchet has a "oh shit" moment realizing that he has power in this dynamic when Gasket, who doesn't fear anything and has been carefully making sure they had backup since the clinic gave him a moment to breath, which makes him uncomfortable.

He gives Drift keys to the clinic and the deed to the attached apartment nearby guaranteeing that he cannot just kick them out and gets a contract to confirm it legally in a very unfavorable to Ratchet contract that he makes sure Drift has a copy of is registered in the system. Drift is wary and investigates himself, talking to Orion who introduces him to a lawyer named Minimus independently to review it and he finds out he legitimately has a home that cannot be taken from him.

Rachet is trying not to be too much and he and Drift eventually start arguing in a softer way when Drift is finally comfortable that it won't destroy anything. Things are taking a romantic turn and they are seeing each other and Ratchet starts spending the night. They still have some disagreements but are figuring out how to navigate them by themselves. Ratchet, though he still doesn't believe, is more comfortable with religion because it reminds him of Drift.

Orion Pax teases him about his new beau once but makes sure to keep a respectful distance as Drift and Gasket are a bit wary, though Drift warms up to him more when he recognizes him. Orion is actually the one who eagerly shares Megatron's writing with Drift. Decepticons are on the rise and Drift has taken an interest going to some speeches and meeting up with people to talk about it.

He even takes his time to write a response himself with his opinions which Gasket and Ratchet encourage. It gets some attention and he takes an active role in the local population with Gasket's philosophy about helping those closest to him, Drift starts organizing locally and helping others using the clinic apartment to help treat and teach and talk to people since it is a safe out of the way place. Ratchet doesn't disagree, not entirely, and covers for them when the cops come by which pretty much solidifies the "Doctor of Dead End's" reputation as decent.

Things escalate, of course, and Orion Pax drags Ratchet into his Matrix scheme. Senator Shockwave is introduced and takes an interest in Drift recognizing his name as their "local celebrity". Prowl and Chromedome also recognize it since Drift is apparently on a list now. Ratchet promises to be careful, but then Shockwave is taken and Orion Pax and his group are on the run. Things are cracking down and getting dangerous in Dead End, more than it already was. Ratchet isn't caught but he is interviewed and the cops come to turn over the clinic harassing them.

Things start to take a violent edge and Drift punches a cop and gets shot. He's alright but he is arrested and eventually released on bail. Then things escalate further and Alyon happens and Ratchet gets called to deal with the new sparks. He tells Drift what happens and he is encouraged to go.

This is the last time they see each other for a long time, because things escalate in the Dead End into a violent crackdown as the Dead End is being purged and Drift is caught in it and takes up arms, closing the clinic and joining in glad Ratchet isn't there.

Ratchet meanwhile is helping unload and care for the newborns getting them dispersed safely across various cities in Cybertron and discovers he is pregnant which is very illegal. He doesn't know if Drift is even alive after the Dead End Riots and hasn't been able to get ahold of him or find news so he keeps the baby and Pharma is born, registered as being from Alyon. He is holed up in Nyon's Acroplex working a new clinic that is even more illegal and definitely doesn't trust Zeta. Orion has the sense not to let Zeta in on all their secrets and doesn't say anything about Ratchet's location leaving Roller with him. Drift meanwhile is helping lead part of the infant Decepticon Movement and refuses to drag Ratchet into it even if he could find him.

And I will right more later. The quick summary is in the link though. This would basically be the end of Part I. It is a bit late so if anyone is interested I'll do a Part II later.

[lumpkinboi]

Working meds and two mental illnesses

[Extremely disorganized rambling ahead]

So the meds are working. It's honestly a little crazy to me how I can actually just sit down, clear my mind and just focus on my work. In 26 years of living, I was never able to properly sit down and do something until I started this treatment and it's been doing wonders. Although I'm getting to a point where they don't work as well as they used to, my doctor said this is normal and we just have to find a dosage that works for me over a longer period of time. So if they stop working entirely, we can just increase the dosage, or switch to a different medication.

Sometimes I think about how many opportunities I squandered because I have this disease and never treated it. But it's also hard to blame myself because going after treatment was difficult due to this illness. I've been caught in a catch-22 my whole life. To a certain extent, I still am. I have a lot of social anxiety and I can't really talk to people very well, which is tough because I have to talk to people to get treatment.

But then again, who could I blame? It's not my fault I was born like this, but it is my fault I never got it fixed. I think I'm ready to accept I just wasn't strong enough to deal with it and decided to ignore it until it went away. But I am now, and I guess that's what matters.

To me, currently, the anxiety is the biggest problem I have, and I never really put the two on a balance. At first I thought that if I "fixed" my ADHD, things would get better, but I don't know why I thought one thing would lead to another. I have two separate problems that each require different kinds of treatment. In hindsight, obviously treating ADHD would not treat the anxiety. But it did better my quality of life.

Lately, something very personal has been bothering me. It's been a small source of anxiety for a while, but it came rushing to me as a much bigger issue. I thought it'd go away since it always does, but it's been getting worse, and I don't think the ADHD meds are really helping on that department. It feels like they make this anxiety worse. It's a constant internal struggle that I've been dealing with for the past couple of years. And now it feels like I've unearthed a bomb and it blew up on my face and now I'm dealing with the repercussions. I'm not gonna talk about what it is on this blog since it's a very personal matter, and I haven't really processed everything very well yet.

But I've cried over it. I haven't cried in years. Or, rather, haven't cried in years over something so emotionally personal. This has affected me a lot more than I thought it would. Maybe it's time I find a psychologist too.

I think now I finally have a real plan. I've created a loose step-by-step plan to get everything in my head properly sorted. There are many things I want to achieve, but I have to achieve inner peace first. I start with the ADHD, get my finances in order, work through my social anxiety, then move from there. Maybe in 5 years I'll be a real person. I wish I could be a real person now, but life doesn't work like that.

I don't want this post to sound like I'm sad, even though I am upset at the current state of my life. It's more so for me to visualize my thoughts. I found that the last time I did something like this, it helped me organize my head a little, so I think I should start doing it more often. I guess the TLDR is that things suck and not everything can be fixed, but I am trying to focus on the things I have at least some semblance of control over.

I just want to be normal.

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2022)

...Aha ha ha...

Well, at least that’s over, I guess? I feel such a bone deep exhaustion I don’t even know what to say about this last year. Does anyone? One more year older, I suppose. Last year at this time I felt like I really needed to take it easy on myself going into 2022, but that just led to me drifting aimlessly through this last year as if stuck in a bad dream. Things really are still very rough...

2023 seems to be gearing up for another year of “Who knows?” Will it be better? Will another disaster strike? Let’s hope the former, and not the latter!

This year, like every year, there will be a new set of 50 promises to keep (or break), but in the mean time, here’s how I did on the promises from 2022!

Promises I Made (2022):

1) Get the Utah house chimney repaired before it falls down.

Status: Kept. It doesn’t look “brand new,” but it is properly sealed now and with new mortar between the bricks. Crisis averted.

2) Get both bedroom floors sanded in the Utah house upstairs.

Status: Broken. The Utah house needed a lot of improvements and unfortunately this wasn’t one of them that got done.

3) Get the Utah house sprinklers up and working ALL the way for this summer.

Status: Broken. I literally tried so hard to get someone out to work on these damn sprinklers and not a single person got back to me on this. Guess I’ll have to try again next May...

4) Actually get the back fence fixed up and the greenery back there trimmed and managed.

Status: Broken. I hate those goddamn vines so much. I HATE THEM.

4) Get an official exercise routine including walking/jogging, please.

Status: Somewhat kept. Most of the year I was pretty bad on this; however, I have a new puppy and she is learning to walk so I do got 4-5 miles a day now that she’s managed to work up to that.

5) Related to that, lose at least 20 pounds. 2020-2021 was not kind to me and the stress eating was real.

Status: Ugh, broken. See the above “sat around and did nothing but work for 3/4s of the year.”

6) Successfully set up and use the Roomba my family got for me to hopefully cut down on allergies.

Status: Broken. Okay listen. I was all ready to do this, then I got a P U P P Y. Who chews everything. The Roomba would not survive. It’s stationary until she gets a bit bigger and stops chewing.

7) Keep up with the specialist appointments that my doctor is making for me. No more getting confused on dates and missing…

Status: Kept. I actually managed to get in to see the RIGHT specialist this year who actually diagnosed my issues correctly. Too bad the recommended treatment is surgery that will be several thousand out of pocket...

8) Go see the dentist again because I think I broke/chipped one of my old fillings and it is not feeling good.

Status: Kept. The old filling was indeed broken, but it has been fixed!

9) Finish all the books I received as gifts from 2020 through 2021. It’s rude not to finish books people gave you out of love.

Status: ...Ahahaha. Broken. More books appeared, rather than disappeared, from the list.

10) Organize my documents (especially student papers)—my desktop and documents folders give me nightmares just looking at them.

Status: Damn, broken. I could have done this, but I didn’t think to do it before I left town for the holiday, and now I’m not on my home computer to do it. RIP.

11) Get my new SSD hard drive fully installed and working before going back to work.

Status: Kept.

12) Get a decent paper shredder to shred old mail.

Status: Broken. I completely forgot I made this promise. I do still need a shredder though. D;

13) Get the fucking post office to STOP delivering other people’s mail to my house. 90% of the mail that comes to the mailbox isn’t even for me and it is driving me C R A Z Y.

Status: Broken. Jesus fucking Christ. I am trying so hard. I talked to the postmaster TWICE and they still won’t stop delivering other people’s mail.

14) Get the Texas house dishwasher fixed… I’m so tired of washing dishes by hand… How do people do this, oof.

Status: Broken. I could have and I just didn’t.

15) Get a plumber to stop the dripping spare bathroom faucet and also check behind the wall in the side bathroom… This is gonna be expensive, ugh.

Status: Kept. It was fucking expensive.

16) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate my retirement accounts. I have been putting this off for like five years now.

Status: Broken. I completely forgot I made this promise. But damn I also still need to do this, lol.

17) Do at least one artwork to actually use that new paint program I bought.

Status: Broken. Oof.

18) Pay my credit debt down by at least $2000. I’m still paying off the hell year but I hope I can make progress on this.

Status: Broken. I was doing so good for a while there, then my car had a major issue that cost over $2000, my back fence blew down in a storm and cost $1700 to re-fence, and I had to pay over $800 for the above-mentioned plumbing fixes... Back in debt again. Fuck you, 2020s.

19) Be a super prepared boss and be ahead of the game on all major requirements for the semester, rather than feeling like I’m playing catch-up all the time.

Status: Broken. Spring 2021 was really good. I thought I did really well that semester. Fall 2021... was a nightmare. Just a complete disaster. I felt so far behind on everything from Day 1. I’m just praying I can do better this year.

20) See a groove-billed ani. This will be the year!

Status: DUDE, I kept this promise so hard that I no only saw a groove-billed ani, I ALSO saw a smooth-billed ani, which is like 100 times rarer. I saw some great birds this year!

21) Make it to 3500 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m awesome. :D

Status: Broken. Despite the porn bots best efforts in November/December, I did not, in fact, make it to 3500. I would have had to POST something to get new followers, after all.

22) Update HaaH at least once. I will do this, no matter what.

Status: Broken. Jesus fucking Christ, I’m so bad at this.

23) Finish streaming all the new Marvel stuff with Kacchan.

Status: Broken. I was REALLY, REALLY close to caught up. Then Marvel released like 50 new movies and 500 new TV shows and I am very much giving up on this lmaooo.

24) Save up to finally buy one of those Ember heated tea mugs.

Status: Kept. My family bought me one for Christmas!

25) Do a better job of working with and representing the other disciplines in my department. I’m really good at advocating for English, but Communication and the foreign languages under my department need more support, and I need to step up for them.

Status: Kept, though mostly by necessity. All our full-time Spanish instructors retired so guess who had to help redo all the Spanish curriculum despite not speaking Spanish???

26) Use the sugar scrub Echo. Just use it. Pamperrrrrr yourself for once…

Status: Broken. It’s RIGHT THERE. Every day, I look right at it, and did I use it? Not even once.

27) Help my parents save money on their bills by consolidating their services and making some calls to retention of these companies for them.

Status: Somewhat kept? I honestly did try very hard on this one and was prevented from succeeding by my parents just being completely unwilling to change, even to save themselves money. Oof.

28) Bird watch in at least three brand new locations this year. I have a tendency to just go back to the places I know, and I’m probably missing some really great birding sites.

Status: Broken. I bird watched one brand new location this year, but alas, only one.

29) Keep up my medicine prescriptions successfully without letting them lapse.

Status: Kept. The new medicine is like the one thing standing between me and death, so I don’t usually forget it anymore lol.

30) Play with my dog and cat more often. They’re bored because I’m working too much, I know.

Status: Somewhat kept. I tried this year to cut down on the amount of work I brought home, but other situations made it really difficult to do so. My poor cat in particular definitely needs more attention.

31) Call an exterminator to finally get the ants that keep coming in from somewhere actually dealt with, instead of just spraying them with bug spray even other week and calling it good.

Status: Kept, in that the ants are gone? After I went away for the summer, there was no water running in the house, so the ants stopped coming in, and even after I came back at the end of summer, they just never came back? So I’m counting that as a promise kept?

32) This is super nerdy, but my bro got me the FFXIV cookbook and made me promise to actually use it, so I guess I’d better at least try to make something from it.

Status: Ooops. I forgot I made this promise. Broken.

33) Speaking of FFXIV: This year, I’ll obtain every in-game orchestrion roll. I’m already 80% of the way there.

Status: Broken. See, the issue with this promise is that they keep adding MORE orchestrion rolls... Not sure what I was thinking lol.

34) Get a new rose bush for the front of the Texas house and keep it alive.

Status: I did not do this. Broken.

35) Get King’s prescriptions moved to the closer vet so I don’t have to keep driving two hours away each month to get his medicine.

Status: Kept, in a sense. I was able to move his medicine over to the new vet, but unfortunately, there didn’t end up being any point to it. At the end of January in 2022, he was diagnosed with throat cancer. He lived until April 2022 and then passed away. My beloved boy...

36) Buy the Noragami volumes I am missing from my collection and do a full re-read of the series so that I can write meta about it again. Right now it just feels like there are so many things I can’t properly remember…

Status: Broken. I still greatly want to do this, but at this point, I’m kind of just waiting for the end of the manga so that I can officially catch up and re-read it from start to finish.

37) Go to Zion National Park with Derby.

Status: Kept. We hiked so much.

38) Go horseback riding on the island. I’ve never ridden on a beach before!

Status: Broken. I did not do this, RIP.

39) Eat healthier. Maybe cutting out snacks is too much to ask, but at least replace some average meals with salads, etc. and overall make an effort to actually eat better. Sometimes the fact that I feel garbage is my own fault.

Status: Mostly broken. The stress was so real this year.

40) Related to feeling like garbage: NO MORE WORKING AFTER 9PM. If it’s a real emergency, okay, but otherwise, it is time to set a boundary about working from home after hours.

Status: Broken. I must have been on crack when I made this promise, because honestly there is no way I could possibly have done the job I have without working to midnight many nights of the year... Someone save me...

41) Get a new office chair, an actual nice one, and some plastic to go under the chair to make it easier to move around.

Status: Broken. I... probably should have remembered to check in on the promises more than a few times this year because I also totally forgot this one.

42) Finish decorating the main office. I’ll feel better if my workplace reflects the level of professionalism and school spirit that I envisioned it having this year.

Status: Broken. I know exactly what I want to do with the rest of the office that isn’t decorated, I just never got around to it. T_T

43) Ensure our department successfully meets all its IEP goals this year.

Status: Kept! We were the first department to confirm completion of all goals!

44) Try to be more comprehensive with giving feedback to students. I’m always good at providing detailed comments on essays, but I’d like to spend more time commenting on smaller assignments too this year.

Status: Broken. I was trying in Spring 2022, but in fall, I was double over-loaded on courses on top of all the administrative work I had and could barely keep up grading at all, let alone give more feedback.

45) Write an FFXIV fic. Even if it’s just a one-shot, write something for this series. I need to express my love…

Status: Kept! I wrote a whole bunch for #FFXIVWrites and even received an art prize for participating! <3

46) Be more proactive about the cleaning. No more accidentally forgetting to take the trash can out to the curb. At least once a month do a full dust and vacuum of the house, not just the one room I spend the most time in (my office lol).

Status: Surprisingly, kept. I don’t really know why, but my house was somehow much cleaner in the latter half of this year. Did I unlock the secret stress cleaning routine?

47) Participate in NaNoWriMo. Even if I don’t finish, just participating again will feel great.

Status: Broken. There was zero chance I could have done this while overloaded on courses.

48) Get a screen door put on the side door of the Texas house. This really needs to happen and I can’t believe I just remembered.

Status: Broken, although not for lack of trying. I did actually have someone come to try to measure for a screen door, but it turns out the door is not a standard size and it would be way too much money to get a custom screen door made.

49) Don’t forget anyone’s birthday or any other holidays this year. (I forgot a close friend’s birthday last year due to being stressed with work and I’m still upset with myself over it.)

Status: Mostly kept. I did better this year--not perfect, but better!

50) I will keep my promises!

Status: OOF. Mostly broken promises this year. 2022 was another hard one. I’m on the struggle buss.

Kept: 16

Somewhat kept/somewhat broken: 3

Broken: 31

Good luck, 2023′s Echo!

[ina-nis]

Humans have evolved as community animals, as members of a greater organism. It is nearly absurd to think all people should be perfectly content and satisfied alone. If you are content alone, than that's natural human variation, like being nocturnal for example, but to expect human beings as a whole to feel that way is simply illogical.

The idea of a complete life as we take it in this society, is inseparable from a community and interpersonal bonds. As human beings are interdependent beings.

People can most certainly be a missing piece in your life and that is not bad at all. After all, doctors are doctors, but they are not farmers, and lawyer are lawyer but they are not teachers.

I agree. Humans are generally social beings, yes. But that's not true for all humans. This is why I try to not make generalizations. Some people do thrive best on their own, for them solitude is the way to go, and someone might look at that and judge them to be so lonely, sure. But If it's not causing them any distress, then it's not an issue.

I guess the problem comes from using "loneliness" and "solitude" as synonymous. This is usually what those kinds of statements ("How to be happy alone?") convey: they're not telling you to try to be happy alone, they're saying "solitude is a good thing and you can thrive like that". It's making generalizations and then blaming people for not being able to live by that, if it's not something that work for them. Solitude is a good thing, loneliness isn't.

Yes, whether we want it or not, we need other people. Maybe you can get away with not having people on a personal level, but yes, on a community level, you need them, and they need you. We all depend on each other for survival, among other things. It probably doesn't always look obvious I guess...

Now this really hits home: "People can most certainly be a missing piece in your life and that is not bad at all."

This is one of the things that makes me so conflicted...

If I look at my heart as a puzzle that I've been trying to solve throughout the years, I could say deep, fulfilling connections with other people are a "missing piece", yes... it's just one tiny piece. I can tell what the puzzle looks like already, and it's good enough already.

Me trying so hard to get "better", to "fix" my brain to be able to obtain whatever this utopian thing called "relationship" would be like I'm looking for this "missing piece".

If I say "ok, this is good enough" and stop trying to find it, I'll have my puzzle there, basically complete, with one missing piece. But that's alright because I got the majority together already, my life can be plentiful and I can just forget about it.

I wish the focus of "help" wasn't so much on... teaching or telling people to thrive individually, and also not judge them for having things they want or need, socially.

"You don't 'need' other people, people will never fill this void, you have to get it together on your own and then you can try approaching people." Isn't that such a simplistic and victim-blaming way of looking at people who are sick from loneliness?

Maybe you don't think having relationships is a need for you (general), personally.

But maybe that is a need for someone else? Maybe that's something a person needs to thrive?

Oh yeah, I will not die from not having people in my life, in the same way I will not die if I never eat fruits or vegetables. I can survive, but my quality of life will suffer. Isn't that a "need"? Isn't this what a "need" looks like? Hmm...

And like... As far as "fruits and vegetables" go, I can find ways to add them to my diet that work for me. Telling me to not eat them, or to eat them only a certain or the "correct" way isn't going to make my health issues better, on the contrary.

I know AvPD is chronic and incurable, but I want to believe that loneliness is just a symptom, a consequence, and something that can be ameliorated - hence why I've been trying so hard. I want to believe I will find ways around it that don't require me to "be happy with being alone".

[wolviecat]

Too young to learn - Wolviecat - Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

@febuwhump

Day 6 of the Febuwhump - Secrets revealed.

This one deals with the topics of sexual assault/abuse, so continue on your own discretion.

Hush’s head hurt.

Honestly, he couldn’t remember the time it didn't hurt. That was just a part of being a medic - the constant stress induced migraines from trying to take care of people who were basically conditioned to be scared of doctors. Sometimes, he was wondering if the long-necks are doing it on purpose, or if they don't understand that it's just hurting the GAR in the long run. Or if the power they got by dangling the threat of decommission over their head was worth a few clones dying of something preventable.

Or maybe it was all just an oversight they didn't bother to fix. It wouldn't be the first, or the last.

Like this one. To prevent "certain issues", Kaminoans decided to basically dial Jango's sexuality in clones to zero, and then call it a day. Which meant that the cadets have never received any education in this area. They'd teach them how to keep themselves clean, nothing more.

It didn't mean that in every batch, there wasn't someone who found out that certain things felt nice, that they helped with nerves and pain and sleepless nights. And every time, it took a week at longest before the whole batch knew. Clones don't have the same hang ups about privacy and nudity as the natborns, so this knowledge was passed along the same way they shared how to make rations taste better and how to get out of chores without getting into troubles. Soon, someone would smuggle in holos from the outside, they would start experimenting… And suddenly, there were dozens of cadets pretending they are not limping or that their throats are not bruised. Hush would have to basically hunt them down and force them to take some pain meds and bacta. And he could just wait for the day something would get stuck somewhere.

So, that's why he was awake long after midnight, working on the latest iteration of the dreaded Your body and you lecture. He hated giving it. The cadets hated to listen to it. They often pretended they were already the tough soldiers they were raised to be. But face to face with the details of the biological reproduction, they would go pale or red or fidget uncomfortably. Still, it was better to get it over with earlier than wait until they were dispatched. He knew damn well that clones are pretty high on a certain unofficial list, right behind the Jedi, and he wanted to give his younger brothers a fighting chance before they would be thrown to the general public.

Despite everything, despite all of their training and genetic manipulation, despite being born to kill, they were innocent, in a way. And people loved to take what's innocent and use it for their own wants.

He doesn't even have to wait for them to leave Kamino.

CT-8727 still had more than a cycle of his training left. CT-8727 was currently in the medbay, unconscious, and Hush wasn't sure when and if he's going to wake up. CT-8727 had bruises on his wrists and legs and broken nose and orbital and temporal bone, he had massive hematoma in his brain, he had anal injuries Kaminoans never bothered to mention in their lectures but the medics knew what they mean, and there was bio-material on him that Hush could connect to one of the trainers.

CT-8727 probably fought back when it started to hurt, he started screaming and someone slammed his head to the ground several times to shut him up.

And all Hush could do was take all of it, take the blood and skin scraped from under CT-8727's nails, take his ripped up blacks and bloodied gauze and used-up patches and dump it all into the incinerator, because no one cared, no matter how many grievance reports he filled in.

His head hurt and his eyes were burning, but he needed to finish the lecture for tomorrow.