#just for the armageddon auckland

[heartofalifer]

fans of UK/US shows in Europe/US/NZ have it really good huh like you guys have cons and whatsoever and celebrities come and you have panels and meet and greets and you guys can actually go while the rest of the world travel just to attend one convention

[hiraya-sa-dilim]

HAPPY FUCKING PRIDE TO BIGOLAS DICKOLAS MORNINGWOOD OF ARMAGEDDON WINTER 2023 EXCLUSIVELY

[layaart]

hi just an update about end of year events!

in two weeks I have a double weekend with zinefest and GGWP, auckland armageddon on labour weekend, then a couple more markets a month later.

my store will close during events but I'm pretty good at getting it back open a day or two afterwards.

[karlamon]

Bandit for real life!

Meeting David McCormack at Armageddon Auckland was such an honour as a big Bluey fan myself. So witty and kind, just like Bandit himself.

[theinfernalcollective]

Just a big rant. Just fucking sick of some aspects of life right now

Having DID is something that affects your life in all the worst ways possible. Going out into town? A stranger walking behind you will make you think they're going to hurt you or worse. People being overly friendly, being approached by strangers, open spaces with large crowds? It will almost always cause a trigger and more often than not a panic attack.

I personally love a con called Armageddon, I love going there and I love the space. And yet despite this it will always end in trying to calm myself down in the cosplay lounge or the toilet due to triggers from such a large space with 150+ people. I have been going for, 4 years now I think. And every single time I end up having a dissociative episode and panic attacks. Due to this I don't go out to places like that alone anymore. My girlfriend will be there with me or a close friend because the absolute horror of being in a dissociative state while having a panic attack and some strangers come up to you trying to help only makes it worse. I won't even go out into town alone anymore. Note that my town isn't huge like say Auckland or Wellington. But nonetheless it will still set me off. My girlfriend has to put up with so much of my shit, so many dissociative episodes and panic attacks I am so grateful that she is by my side. Always there to help me when I need it the most.

And then I see 14 year olds making a mockery of DID by "switching on camera" and "oh this specific alter has tics!" Or some of that bullshit. While saying they love all their alters and that half of them are dating each other. All the while being against integration and not wanting therapy because "oh its not bad enough". I am so fucking sick of it. I am sick of not being able to live my life without daily fucking interruptions. I hate how fucking vulnerable i constantly feel.

[13thdoctorposts]

Sacha Dhawan Panel Part 2

Please note this IS NOT word for word, but so you can get a general gist of the panel from Auckland Armageddon in June 2023.

Whovians of all ages got to ask him questions. 

This post is just Sachs’s second part of the panel there is a seperate post for Michelle’s panel, Michelle and Sacha’s panel and Sacha Panel part 1

Moderator: has anyone ever told you you're on their hall pass list? You know 5 people you can have relations with without your spouse getting upset?

Sacha: really?

Moderstor: yeah have you not heard about this? Supposedly there this list of celebrities if you meet them you get a hall pass

Sacha: Wow… Any takers?

Laughing from the crowd

Moderator: right next

I’m a fan or The Great and Doctor Who but I dont think there's a character more different from the Master then Orlo, when you do a character like Orlo who’s the only straight, non comedic character do you approach that differently then someone like the Master who is flamboyant? 

Sacha: yeah you do… those characters are so different you always try and find the truth in the character, I create a back story for the character, why they are they way they are why they make the choices they make in a certain way, which hopefully shows I can play a range of different characters. Its always coming back to some element of truth. I make a bible for all the characters that no one ever sees I have one for the Master, and you just hope if you keep coming back to that that it will pay off.

When you were given the tissue compressor obviously you have lots of fun playing around with it like leaving little gifts for the Doctor but is there a reason your version of the Master was so obsessed with shrinking people? Is it compensation for something?

Moderator:… and were going back to screening questions

Sacha: you know what I never thought about it like that but I now am, maybe it was. I think it was just his thing, his ability to just shrink people and throw them away and there’s actually a scene in the centenary special where there were loads of shrunken people dotted about that I had shrunk, all the top seismologists and in the scene with Jodie I thought it would be quiet funny just trample loads of peopled the BBC were like lets not do that, he’s just killed like 20 people that might be a little too much.

Where did you get the inspiration from for the fast clapping thing?

Sacha: you know what? when I sent a tape to Chris, just an audition tape to show what I could do, what my take would be and they give you a few thoughts on it and it was the plane scene, the revel that was the scene I put on tape for them... but on the day theres so much adrenaline going no one really knew how I was going to reveal and the truth of the matter is I didn’t know how it was going to be either. I just remember doing the first rehearsal on that plane then the switch happened and I think that's what’s great about the Master you just become overcome with this sense of adrenaline and craziness and if you just submit to it, crazy shit just happens and I remember the clap just came and the twirls and stuff like that just happened. I remember rehearsing and Bradley Walsh saying you do this thing when your playing the master you clench your butt, and thats just something that happened ‘oh look at his butt he’s clenching it again’ lol,  so yeah like I said crazy stuff happen.

Why was he looking at your bum?

Sacha: have you seen my bum?

Moderator: hands up who’s going to watch that scene again

Do you have any head canons for your character or any others on the show?

Sacha: what’s a head canon?

Moderator: it’s like people who write fan fiction do in their head about how this is what happened.

Sacha: oh… has anyone shared that with me?

Moderator: yeah

Sacha: I do get a lot of like the Doctor and the Master being totally in love, I’ve been sent some naughty kinda like fan art

Moderator: Was the bum clenched

Sacha: well they were unclenched!

Moderator: what has become of this panel?

If in the future theres a timeline where the Master does become the Doctor what does the interior of the TARDIS look like?

Sacha: well we saw the Masters TARDIS didn’t we, but I think it would just be a 24 hour party just happening all the time, loads of people in there, you’d be like who are all these people and he’d be like I don’t know we just do all this crazy stuff together, I'd just love an entourage of people from all walks of life he’s just collected from all different times.

Theres a just dance set up here have you ever danced to the Rasputin song on just dance?

Sacha: I was thinking about doing it, I went yesterday and queued up but I saw the talent that were throwing some shapes out there and I was like no thank you, I can't compete. 

Do you think you could win a fight against your Master?

Sacha: you know what I think I could but you know what I'm worried about? I think he might have something up his sleeve that would completely blow me to a million pieces, so yes and no

And Do you think you would be able to win against Michelle's Missy?

Sacha: oh yeah, easily hahaha

Moderator: I hope no one recorded that because if she finds out…

Sacha: laughing

What are the top 3 reasons you think the Master is better than the Doctor?

Sacha: I think he can do things she just won’t be able to do’s he’s more fearless than her shes too moral, hmmmm, what else makes my Master better?… I think he’s definitely much more sexier, cooler and she need needs companions… boring, I dont need anybody.

Moderator: actually costume changing, the Doctor wears the same clothes all the time 

Sacha: very true

Who do you think. Your Master would want as a companion in the TARDIS?

Sacha: Oh I dont think he wants companions, I think he'll pretend that he does then literally bin them when he’s done with them and find someone else

Since David Tennant has regenerated into the Doctor 3 times now do you think the Master could regenerate back into your Master and would you be up for that?

Sacha: Kinda yes and no really, when I finished the centenary special felt like it was the end of my era and also I was asked to appear in more episodes of Doctor Who but I kinda like coming in with a bang then leaving I didn’t want people feeling like ‘oh here he is again’ especially because it was such a great response to O and the reveal, but you just don’t know later down the line. It’s amazing Russell is back and I already know he’s going to do so many amazing things and some great actors are attached to it so it would be interesting to see what happens, so never say never but I fell like right now I’ve done my bit with it.

There was a lot of companions while you were there, old and new coming back who was the best companion, like not in terms of acting but in terms of character that you liked to play around with.

Sacha: I would probably say Bradley Walsh, and John bishop was in it and he’s another comedian and such a great character it would have been nice to mess around with him as well.

With the Doctor in the past you’ve had them meeting previous incarnations a number of episodes over the years, I’m wondering if through the use of CGI trickery would you like to see your Master with the original Master played by the late great Roger Delgado?

Sacha: 100%, actually going back to the centenary special people asked if I watched any of the other Doctors and actually did watch him and I mentioned that to Chris that as crazy as I am what I loved about Roger Delgado is he was very still and theres a sinister to him, so yeah definitely love to go back work with Roger Delgado.

The Master had a lots of really cool costumes I was wondering if you had a favourite?

Sacha: Yeah, I think, im not sure if you remember the purple jacket and all that? I think that was quite a favourite because one of the best things about when you incarnate that role you have a real say about how you want the costume to look and so I collated loads of pictures like steam punk and theres a band in the UK called Arctic Monkeys and I was really intrigued by Alex Turner and just him as a person and what he worse I sent loads of pictures to Ray Holman and Ray Holman being as amazing as he was came up with bits of the costume and it just worked, it was great. I remember trying it on for the first time and thinking yeah this feels good. I think if the costume wasn’t right it was my biggest worry, that if I didn’t get the costume right that I wouldn’t quite find the character. But having the purple jacket and the check trousers it just all felt so right and when I finished on Doctor Who as a present they gave me everything the whole costume, shoes, tie piece all the little bits the tissue compressor, so I’ve got it and I’m just waiting to sell at the right time (laughing this was said in jest)

Did they make a Jodie costume for you or did you wear hers?

Sacha: No they did (make his) we're slightly different sizes so there were elements of it but no they made it which was cool and obviously in that centenary special there was the one with elements of all the other Doctors, it was a mash up so it was really fun playing around with that, and they were asking me how do you want to wear it and it was great because then Jodie had to mimic how I wore it which was really cool.

And thats it, the end of Sacha's Panel. Both Michelle and Sacha were phenomenal and made the weekend one not to forget.

You can check out the other panels here Michelle’s panel, Michelle and Sacha’s panel and Sacha Panel part 1 .

[ashleighwho]

Barbie In Wa Lolita - Armageddon Winter 2023

Despite my injured ankle, I soldiered on into Auckland's Winter edition of Armageddon 2023 this weekend! And became a Barbie in the process.

Believe it or not, the main set of today's lolita coord was scored for just $12 secondhand!

Skirt, Haori - SouffleSong

Blouse - Offbrand

Socks - RojiRoji

Shoes - Sosic

Bag - Loris

Bow - Magic Tea Party

[crumbpigeon]

I'm gonna be part of a shared booth at auckland armageddon next weekend!! I'll be there saturday and monday but my work will be available to purchase all weekend 💖 come by table 42 for prints and stickers, or just to say hi!

[ardn716-may]

Week 5 - Research

Task : Finding out about the community

New Zealand has a relatively small cosplay community with really few major conventions that happen in Auckland. Two major conventions that is held more for gaming, science fiction and fantasy is Winter and Summer Armageddon. The third convention that is on a smaller scale focusses on anime and manga culture with artists and cosplayers a convention called Overload.

Photographer : Studio tsutsu

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1iOEIRyvX8/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading

On a search to look for cosplay photography references and learn more about the cosplay community in New Zealand I stumbled upon Studio tsutsu a New Zealand photographer that travels far into the natural environments to bring the cosplay into reality. Their photographs are often composed to appear as if it was part of a cut scene in a game. A felling of being transported into fiction. In one of their post on Instagram showing behind the scenes that I found interesting was that they were replicating the light in a studio to resemble the harsh light of the sand dune environment that they had taken a picture of. The subject was then seamlessly edited into the environment in post production. Studio tsutsu being able to work with natural lighting and to be able to replicate it was something that had not crossed my mind. Being able to replicate light onto a subject from an environment that that they had taken would be useful to learn more in how light effects the subject.

self note: if have time practice replicating lighting for light study

Organisation: DPS Photography studio

https://dpsphotographystudio.com/

DPS Photography Studio is a relatively new organisation created by like minded photographers that holds events and sometimes booths at conventions to bring the cosplay community together. An event that is yet to be held in June is a Fontaine masquerade themed ball influenced by one of the regions in the game Genshin Impact. DPS has held meetup events in the past to gather and create a community where others are able to share common interests offline. On the DPS website they also show case some of their other work for clients from weddings to newborns. At the beginning of this semester I had thought about creating an online portfolio to show case my work and wondered whether to keep cosplay and fashion photos in seperate portfolios however the more I think about what main subject that I am photographing I would prefer the work to be in the same portfolio as both focus on portraiture and garments.

Photographer : Mollying

https://mollying.com/

When class starts we are always asked where do we want our photography to take us. Do we want to work in the photography industry to help promote or bring awareness to matters or to use photography as a skill to enhance other works or even as a side just have it as a side hustles. Hearing others say that they enjoy photography as a side hustle became true to me that I enjoy photography more than designing garments as the joy I gain from wandering around with a camera in hand is refreshing. After looking at Mollying's portfolio work I have found that she has a range of photography skills that allow her to explore and connect with different industries and personal stories. I find Mollying's portfolio interesting as it does not focus on one type of photography she does a range photography from real estate, events and products to portraits in weddings, graduations and cosplay. Her composition is often simple with the subject focused in the centre, what drew me to her photography was the colour grading in her images. The bright yet soft images with colours that are ever so slightly lightened give an innocent vibe.

Photographer: Fonnchan Universe

https://www.fonchann.com/home

Phuong Le commonly known as Fòn or Fonchann is a freelance photographer based Hanoi, Vietnam. Her photography style can be described as the pinterest aesthetic, with many of the shoots being highly stylised in the makeup to the environment that the model is situated in the final image reveals a fantasy that one wishes to escape into. Whimsical editorial shoots that feel like they are straight out of a movie with the model gazing away from the camera.

[questioned-quetzalcoatl]

30 Days of OTP: Day 7, Cosplaying

Rating: K

Verse: Human AU

AN: New Zealand has at least 5 cosplays of selected characters that he wears to the Auckland Armageddon expo every year. Once he ended up talking Tonga into cosplaying with him and he does it every now and again.

Also I just recently watched Thor: Love and Thunder and thought matching Thor and Jane costumes would be a cute idea uwu;;

He found it strange enough that Kainga had cooped himself up in his room for the past few days or so. Even stranger that Kainga hadn't explained his unusual behavior, James had only caught glimpses of him going into the kitchen for food. Whatever it was it was apparently very secretive too with Kainga throwing James out his room every time he tried in intrude in. Simply claiming that he should keep his 'Fat fucking nose' out of his business.

Leading James to convince himself that his nose was in fact NOT fat under a surplus of pouty grumbles the New Zealander emit after being kicked out.

Kainga couldn't help but laugh at him a little from behind the closed door. After all, he didn't want to ruin the surprise for James. He worked hard on it for months; he had the needle marks from the sewing machine to prove it. Going from knitting sweaters to making a full fledged cosplay was not an easily achievable feat, the amount of detail every part of it required was something truly remarkable. He wanted to make sure everything on it was completely perfect, sat behind a sowing machine with his signature glasses perched on the end of his nose. Threading every string through the costume with precision and care. Leave it to him and his perfectionist ideals to choose one of the most complicated outfits out there.

He’s impressed, if anything, James simply staring at the creations Kainga had made, the Tongan fast asleep at his desk in the room with a selection of sewing pins and needles cluttered around bare feet and the New Zealander is vaguely surprised to find an embroidery needle still between the others finger tips. His glasses slouched upwards across his face from his cheek resting on his cross arms on the desk. He could only smile fondly at him, bringing up a blanket and wrapping it around Kainga. He didn't want him to get cold after all, cooped up in his room all day wasn't exactly the most healthiest choice. James wasn’t sure how long the other had been working on them or stuck in here, a few months if the bubbling excitement the other had been spewing over the Armageddon Expo coming up was anything to go by, but he hadn’t actually expected him to make his costume, letting out a low whistle as he saw the wigs and facial hair pinned to the wig heads.

It was too dark to see what Kainga was actually working on, James simply placing a loving kiss to the top of his head. Pressing his lips down on the Tongan's curly hair that'd tussled up from sleep. Probably the first he'd gotten in ages so he made sure the blanket was wrapped around him snugly. Something about being able to tuck Kainga in on any occasion brings James so much satisfaction, watching the other cozy up on his desk was rewarding enough for him.

Dawn hit Kainga like a good morning slap to the face. His disappointment is quite frankly immeasurable as he realized he'd creased up some of the fabric he was sowing by sleeping on it. Now he'd have to get the iron out again which was a job within itself as it was stashed away in some unknown corner of his room.

Standing up groggily to try and look for it, only to be met with the silhouette of James leaning on his doorframe. Jolting up in fright as he didn't expect the other to be there, looking as smug as usual with two cups of tea in his hands. James laughed at him gently when he sees Kainga's look like that of a deer caught in the headlights before the Tongan relaxes again.

“James…it’s early, stupidly early. Why are you here?" he looked at him rather startled, hardly even awake yet.

"Kai-boob, it's 1pm now," he said softly, standing off the doorframe and handing him the cup of tea he made for him. "You've been locked up n' here like bloody Rapunzel. Eating nothing but takeout and instant noodles, what on earth are ya hiding from me?"

Kainga seemed to be rather embarrassed by the fact that James was right about his peculiar habit. Bringing the tea up to his lips to stall conversation as he normally does in these kinds of situations.

"I...I wanted to make a costume that matched yours for the Expo this year," he admitted quietly. "You know me, I wanted it to be perfect. I guess I got a little too into it and couldn't seem to stop." He let out a small laugh before finally looking back up at James. "Maybe I should time my surprises better..."

James looked at him in surprise. Almost like he'd expected the answer to be that Kainga just wanted to avoid him but...this was not the case. He couldn't help but start to feel a little warmer than usual.

"Oh Kai, yer mean it lovely?!" he pulled the unsuspecting Tongan into a hug, Kainga let out a small angry yelp at his tea almost spilling all over the two. "This is amazing! We can both go together in cosplay! Oh! Let me see what ya made! Pleaseeee~?!"

Kainga was reluctant at first glance but soon came around once he saw the puppy eyes James was pulling at him. Even though his cosplay had a bit more touching up to do, details only a perfectionist like Kainga would notice, he took it off the sowing machine to present it. His whole face tinted in a deep crimson blush, more than shy to be showing off his creation to James.

"I-It's still a work in progress!" he nervously stammered in defense out as if James would start nit picking at it like the Gordon Ramsey of costumes at any second. "I still need to touch up the cape and armbands of her outfit. You wouldn't stop badgering me about how you wanted to dress up as Thor this year so I figured, I'd go as Jane to match yours." He placed the costume in James's hands, his fingers lingering on it for a bit like it was a priceless artwork from the Renaissance.

James looked completely astounded at it. Unable to even keep his jaw up as his eyes trailed up and down the costume in amazement.

"Ar' ya kidding me?! It looks incredible! Look at that detail! You got everything down to a T Kai! Holy shit this must've taken ages to do!" It wasn't long before James started to go off on an excited ramble about how incredible the costume was. Flipping it around over and over to admire every enticed detail within the threads of the fabric and metal plates of shielded armor.

He should probably stop complimenting the Tongan on it at some point; he’s too modest for his own good and becoming increasingly more and more flustered by the second. But he’d not seen him in a while and an embarrassed and modest Kainga was something that only came round once in a while.

[oswincoleman]

Jenna Coleman will be virtually attending the Armageddon Expo in Auckland. She will appear for a Q&A session at 11 am local time on Sunday the 25th of October (which is midnight CET or 11 pm on Saturday in the UK).

Unfortunately, as far as I can see, it won’t be possible to watch the Q&A and ask questions, unless you attend the comic con. Unlike the Galaxy Con live-streams, the Armageddon Expo is taking place non-virtually (as New Zealand has next to no COVID-19 infections) with merely the guests appearing virtually. So if you happen to be in New Zealand at the moment, do attend and tell us all how it went! I’m just hoping that Armageddon Expo will release a recording of the Q&A afterwards.

That means that Jenna will have quite a busy Saturday evening, starting off with the 1 to 1 video calls that were moved from last week to the coming Saturday, and finishing with a virtual Q&A session in Auckland from 11 pm to midnight.

https://www.armageddonexpo.com/Guests/Instance/Jenna-Coleman

[heartofalifer]

tired father and his excited nerd child.

[nicolemagolan]

Two Cities, One Galaxy: How Star Wars Connects And Divides Us

Early in 2019, I wrote a personal essay about Star Wars. It centered around SWCC (Star Wars Celebration Chicago) and my experience of watching the live stream in my living room at 4am, when the episode IX teaser and title was unveiled. 

It’s about fandom, the internet, and isolation. It’s about how Star Wars impacted my life, and about my relationship with my brother.

It also, eerily, foreshadows the disappointment I would eventually feel about The Rise of Skywalker. So here it is, under the cut. Please give it a read, and let me know your thoughts!

***

My phone blinks 3:30am, April 13th, 2019. In Chicago it’s 10:30am, yesterday. I should be asleep. I should stay present in Auckland, where no one else is awake except the moths gathering on the kitchen window.

My brother is slumped beside me, eyes closed, lost somewhere between sleep and boredom. We sit in the darkness of our living room, outlined by the grey glaze of the television. I’m wearing pyjama pants and yesterday’s T-shirt. An empty bag of chips is screwed up on the carpet, a half-drunk can of Lift Plus sits on the mantelpiece.

I stare at the TV. Waiting. My knee bobs up and down. I glance at my phone, and refresh Twitter. The tweets are coming in a blur: people yelling in caps lock, streaming without punctuation, some of it indecipherable, some of it from me. It’s happening kids / MERRY IXMAS, EVERYONE / I'm trying to remember it's called Star Wars Celebration not Star Wars oh my god I'm so stressed-ebration / I AM READY TO BE EPISODE IXed. The world around me is asleep, but the world under my thumb has never been more alive.

I take another sip of Lift Plus and feel its energy tingle through my bloodstream. Or maybe that sensation is the force.

When I was in class earlier in the day, wearing a Star Wars tee, writing in a Star Wars notebook and drinking from a Star Wars bottle, I was already stewing in anticipation. My mind was in another galaxy; speculation ran through me like shooting stars. My dedication to the Star Wars universe is fuelled not by the incessant marketing or the cheap merchandise, but by the passion I have for stories, space wizards, and the cute-yet-creepy alien bird race known as the Porgs.

 Star Wars Celebration Chicago is set to begin livestreaming on YouTube in just a few minutes. A countdown slowly ticks on screen. This will be the first big panel of Celebration, and the one I am most eager to see. The panel is for Star Wars: Episode IX, consisting of a Q&A session with cast members. Our first real, palpable look at the film, at beloved returning characters, and the new additions, to hear from returning Director J.J. Abrams what his vision for IX is.

But the real reason anyone is staying up all night to watch the livestream isn’t to see Abrams dodge spoilery questions. It’s to be amongst the first to witness the Episode IX trailer. The very first teaser trailer. Imagine a choir singing angelic sounds behind that one word and maybe you’ll begin to understand. What I really want is to catch a glimpse of the upcoming film, to learn the title—oh my goodness, the title—along with thousands of far, far away fans; some watching live in the dead of night or crack of dawn. The lucky few are crowded into the panel room itself. I swipe through pixelated and blurry selfies posted with #SWCC. It’s a big auditorium, packed with media, families, and cosplayers, and many are swinging lightsabers above the crowd’s heads. Purple, blue, green, and red beams of light. The stage itself is lit up with a bright blue backdrop.

 When I told my parents I was going to camp out in the living room to watch the livestream of Star Wars Celebration, they rolled their eyes. When I asked my brother if he wanted to join me, he cried, ‘Whyyy,’ before revealing his true colours when he showed up on the couch at 2am.

He was all too keen to eat my snacks, but now as time crawls forward, he seems to have come to the conclusion that it is ridiculous to stay up for something you can watch on your phone, from your bed, when you wake up. I have come to the conclusion that he is lying to himself. On the path to the dark side, perhaps.

He’s always joined me on my silly adventures, making fun of me along the way. But the fact that he’s willing to be there is enough, as he is now. Star Wars has been a part of his life as much as mine; we grew up roaring Chewbacca impressions and fighting with cardboard lightsabers; He’d be Darth Maul and I’d be Obi-Wan (so I got to chop him in half every time). Kids would tell me I was a weirdo for liking Star Wars, for playing with Barbies and Darth Vader figurines, blurring the lines between allocated girls’ or boys’ toys. But my brother and I knew: Star Wars is a fun space adventure for whoever wants to enjoy it.

We got older and the movies lost a touch of their magic: the internet revealed the intense hatred shovelled at the prequel trilogy. Little-me had loved the ridiculous Jar Jar Binks, but the middle-aged fans who grew up with the original trilogy saw him as an offence to their childhood obsession. (JUSTICE FOR JAR JAR is the hill I will die on.)

Then Disney bought Lucasfilm and ushered in a new era. I have a series of selfies from midnight premieres—me grinning from ear to ear, my brother with eyes closed and discontented frown (his go-to photo pose)—in the blurry light of the Imax screen on Queen Street. But one glance at his smiling face during the film and you know he loves this galaxy as much as the next fan.

Sometimes that’s the problem: our love for this story is so great and so ingrained, that it can bubble over into endless online debates. Debates become heated, become personal, become hateful. In this era of social media, everyone has a voice, but the ones who spit poison are the loudest. We struggle to find common ground sometimes. But it’s always there, beneath out feet and on our TV screens. We love Star Wars. We love to watch it, re-enact it, dissect it, wear it, read it, and write about it. Whether the common ground we stand on looks like the sands of Tatooine or the lake country of Naboo, it’s all the same galaxy. Even though the galaxy-shattering film The Last Jedi threatened to destroy us, we can find a way to stand together. Because when the fans unite, at movie premieres, or conventions, the fandom can become something worth celebrating.

Like today, right now, 3:59am in my living room.

I look up from my phone. The countdown reaches zero. I hold my breath. A soft echo of music trickles through the speakers, and John Williams’ familiar score wraps around me like a blanket. Goose bumps pop up on my skin.

The Star Wars logo vanishes and the screen cuts to black. I snap up and nudge my sleeping brother’s arm with my toe. He jolts awake, looks at the black screen and scowls.

‘Nothing’s hap—’

He’s cut off by a roaring applause as the blue-lit panel stage lights up the screen. The room around me fades. I’m in Auckland with my brain fuzzy, and I’m transported to Chicago with heart thumping.

My brother jumps up and stands in front of the screen. ‘I’m going to the bathroom.’

I babble, ‘butthepanelisabouttostart,’ craning my neck around his legs.

‘Oh well,’ he says. He walks off.

Stephen Colbert is pacing around the stage, babbling on about Dagobah and S-foils, trying to work the crowd up—unnecessary, since we are all waiting for the cast and crew.

I’m leaning forward, straining my eyes, and wondering if anyone actually finds his ‘jokes’ funny. Twitter tells me, yes, they do. The excitement level is high, making everything fresh and exciting, even if it’s a Star Wars pun heard years ago. I almost feel like I could twist my neck and hear people whispering behind me, instead of tweeting alongside me.

 The closest thing to this feeling in my own city is Armageddon Expo, the annual convention at the ASB Showgrounds in Greenlane. Nerds I’ve never met become my best friends. We jam the halls like squashed-up skittles. I don’t know their names but I know who they are. When I’m dressed in Rey’s dusty scavenger outfit, with staff in hand and hair bunched in three bobbles, young girls point and giggle. I wave at them, their eyes wide with wonder, and my heart is full.

The internet fandom space is a mix of tweet-before-thinking garbage and fun bite-sized meta. The real-world fandom spaces, such as Armageddon, are a big geeky party; no one hiding behind an anonymous wall, and no one left out.

This livestream is somewhere in between. I am connected online from where I sit in Auckland. Reading tweets and writing tweets and liking gifs. Yet I am in Chicago, oblivious to the sleeping city around me.

Stephen Colbert brings out Director J.J. Abrams and head of Lucasfilm Kathleen Kennedy, and the content we’re all waiting for finally begins. I take in every detail, every non-answer. I enjoy it. I loathe it. Stephen Colbert asks unanswerable questions, like the fate of Daisy Ridley’s character, or how the relationships develop. No word is uttered more than ‘spoilers’.

The cast members are introduced onto the stage; first is Anthony Daniels who plays C-3PO—one of the remaining few original cast members from 1977. He waves hello to the crowd before looking for the cameras. In his charming British accent, he says, ‘On tweets today people were, all over the world, saying “wish I could be here”. And I know we’re on camera, so I don’t know where the camera is, but whoever is in Australia or…’ He pauses for a flicker of a second, ‘…all the other countries around the planet; I wanna give you a big wave, and you are here in spirit. Okay?’

I grin a little wider. Of course he would mention our neighbour, Australia. So close, and yet so far.

 In New Zealand, despite the growing connections through social media, I feel isolated. Even in the vast Auckland city, where I easily get lost in the busy roads and busy people. New Zealand is separate. And that’s part of what makes it special.

But the isolation is also part of what makes being part the Star Wars fandom special.

It’s a larger world. Out there in space; out there in the world wide web. Legendary or anonymous, you can be a part of something. You can tell your story; you can make one up. After movie premieres, there is a sense of privilege and power in that none of my fellow fans in America have yet seen the movie. The Last Jedi came here a few days early, and I knew all the things before anyone else. We were isolated again. And it felt so good.

Did I go and post spoilers? No, because I’m not an asshole (you know who you are). But I told people they’re gonna love it. I told them the film is exciting and unexpected and dabbles deliciously in subtext in a way that’s fresh for Star Wars. I sign off with eagerness for the upcoming dissection and discussion of the film.

 The next day I’m shocked to learn that many many many people felt it was a ‘betrayal’ of Star Wars. A disaster of a movie. A cluttered mess of a story, an anti-climactic sequel that instead of building on what came before, tore the past to shreds. My brother is one of them.

And the fandom split in two.

But not today. Not tonight. I refuse, and so does everyone on my Twitter feed, because we’re tired of defending Rey, who is not a Mary Sue; and Vice Admiral Holdo, whose purple hair does not make her a lesser fighter; and Rose Tico, who fell victim to dude-bros saying she’s the worst character ever, she ruined their childhood, and Asians don’t belong in Star Wars; until eventually the actress, Kelly Marie Tran, deleted all her social media.

When Kelly walks onto the panel stage, she gets a standing ovation. There are tears in her eyes, and there are tears in mine.

 They introduce the new cast members, and display behind the scenes photos, and babble on about the brilliant practical effects. There’s a touching tribute to Carrie Fisher, an awkward bit about Adam Driver’s chest, and the introduction of new droid D-O. When the duck-inspired droid rolls onto the stage, you can hear cash registers ring.

My brother comes back in the room as the panel is winding up. He flops into the chair and sighs. ‘So, did I miss anything?’

‘You missed everything.’

‘So I didn’t miss anything then,’ he smirks.

Stephen Colbert asks J.J. Abrams if there’s anything he wants to leave with the fans. I lean forward. ‘This is it,’ I screech.

This is it. It boils down to this simple, repeated moment in time: the day, or night, or very-early-morning that a Star Wars trailer is about to debut. I am alone, and yet so very not alone, united in a nerdy passion that doesn’t call for such depth of devotion. But here we all are. Here I am. And here’s Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (omg).

 I switch off the TV. The darkness eats my eyeballs.

‘How am I supposed to sleep after that!?’ I yell. ‘Palpatine. Freaking Pal-pa-tine! NO! YES! Why?!’

Silence.

My brother is asleep.

I throw a pillow at him. ‘DUDE! Palpatine is back!’

He mumbles, ‘Haha, lame.’ His eyes don’t open.

I slide down the couch until I hit the hard floor. The Rise of Skywalker. Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. I sit there in the lonely living room, and let my thoughts trail off into the dark.

[jugs-and]

climb.run.hike (a la eat.pray.love)

G-d saw all that he had made, and it was very good. - Genesis 1

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I don’t know how to write anymore. I’m 27 now, but writing, blog writing specifically, has been habitually part of my life since I was 14. Writing is very much a muscle which needs to be worked at and maintained. To say the least it all used to flow, and the process of writing, more than the actual writing output, was an essential part of how I unwinded from the happenings of life. I’ve missed this, it has sort of fallen off the radar this year, and the narrative have swirled around in my mind. For the moment, the editing process seems to garble and confuse, more than clarify and expand the language which I employ. The feelings and emotions in myself - I can’t just describe. This is about the fourth or fifth time I’ve written this post.

The final four weeks before Christmas have been pure routine. Drifting, dilly-dallying, floating - I have fully embraced my inner alter-ego lifestyle which laid dormant this year. This other-me who leaves work early, and plays video-games late, and eats and imbibes freely. It is quite the contrast to the past six months of regiment and focus, the past few weeks have been completely restful, reinvigorating and refreshing - and, frankly, quite welcome.  In all of my limited existence (27 years <gulp>), I don’t think I’ve ever been so busy or occupied in my life as this past six months.

I have a hard time letting go because the final few weeks of the year have still been exceedingly busy. The last weekend in Auckland, I hopped between four Christmas parties on Saturday and Sunday, and finished with a late night working on Sunday. In all of these social gatherings, I was faced with many questions about my year, and I spent a lot of time recounting my adventures this second half of 2019. At Anna’s 30th birthday party especially, I hadn’t seen her in months, and the conversation is always tragically short when she is that popular. 

Social-jugs can handle the small-talk conversations at parties, however vapid and soul-crushing, but it was the mental mind contortions regarding finances and relationships which slowly eroded my sanity. The past six months has not just been the normal event after event after event, but it was like each event was suffocating on my own sanity. The way that money was constantly at the mind’s forefront would affect my ability to enjoy life. Restless sleep counting money instead of sheep, while my mind was full of shopping lists and balance sheets brought me no rest. The nights were long where I would replay conversations and then drift to semi-conscious dreams of impossible segues and circumstances. 

The second half of this year was, in one word, bizarre, with A-. I was increasingly frustrated and filled with despair. For someone with a infectiously sunny disposition, she’s very good at pushing people away. Her continued longing for her previous boyfriend who was clearly abusive and emotionally manipulative broke my heart. Really. 

I began to pine for the peaceful activities - I need the hiking alone and terrible renditions of my favourite nostalgic songs with a Bob Dylan rasp. I need the moment where I wake up and lazily watch the sandflies dancing on the tent fly. I need the Saturday morning brunches and afternoons laying in bed till the evening hours reading in a foetal position. I need to walk through the supermarket in my pyjamas and nights refreshing the same webpages as if the news that the world has ended would drop at any moment. I miss the pull of the dark corners of clubs where I move with my eyes shut, hair swaying in front of my face. Just normal things (right?!). 

I learned discipline and perseverance in financial matters - I tell myself that because, otherwise, 2019: Part Two ran me ragged. I longed for the days to just climb under the sheets and draw them over my head as if I could avoid the problems in life just for a moment and just be. Climb under the sheets and maybe stay there for a while, instead of falling asleep into dreamless sleep immediately. 

In November, I took my big holiday of the year: two weeks in the South Island -- a mountain-climbing course with Colin, and hiking by myself in the second week. During this time, I realized just how complex and busy the six months prior were. Hiking, in contrast, is simple. It is just one foot in front of another, and a simple existence of self-sustenance. Without the noise of information everywhere, there is just the conversations inside my head when hiking alone. There is only the crinkle of your own sleeping bag and never moment of loneliness in the solitude. Somewhere during the nine hour sleeps and genuinely feeling exhausted more than I can ever remember - I realised I haven’t had the time to appreciate this year for what it was worth and how much I have to proud of.

-------------- 

As someone who has frequented the climbing walls at least twice a week for the past 6 months, I am still terrible at rock-climbing. Granted, my frequency and motivation for climbing, really does wax and wane like the moon. And lately, as my main source of exercise, due to this knee injury, it has been waxing. Nevertheless, I never really saw the improvement I would expect someone else to have with the frequency and focus on the sport.  To a large degree, the social element of climbing really brought me back repeatedly to the same crags. We spent many Sunday afternoons and evenings just chatting and doing very little actual climbing. But we were each other’s greatest cheerleaders in finding every little scrap of willpower and confidence to hold on to the little scraps protruding from the wall. 

Sometimes you have to remind yourself to breathe before a big move and just stick it. Sometimes you have to remind yourself to look down and see how terrifyingly high you are. Sometimes you have to take a break and shake the blood back into your hands. 

I learned it is okay to fail.

As someone who falls a lot, I can confirm that the falling gives me confidence because it means that I believed in myself enough, albeit maybe too much. I backed myself to make a move with confidence. The next attempt meant that I could attempt more and grow more in strength and resolve. The second time up would assuredly be better with experience, and there is a certain relief where you finally accomplish the right contortion of body to get past a section. 

Trad. climbing still terrifies me, but even with sport climbing and lead roping, it is still a delicate affair. Gathering at the bottom of a crag, checking each other’s knots, and double checking I locked the carabiner around my harness bell - it is a solemn routine. It’s a more serious sport and there is a lot more faith in each other and self-belief required in the equipment and process. Outside, the falls are bigger and the fall is a couple of metres to the last anchor point, which can be more than a moment in the air. I can only just breathe and trust in others to catch me. If climbing was an analogy for life, they would be my support system. 

Beyond climbing, I have found that people are a lot more compassionate, kind and exceedingly more patient than we can ever expect from someone like ourselves. If friends are ever an indication of the type of person we are, the bounds which feel almost endless, I am climbing far beyond my own character.

At the top of an outdoor crag, I learned self-confidence. 

--------------

The Saint Heliers turnaround is the moment of reckoning and Armageddon. The entire way out to Saint Helier, it’s pulsing through my mind that I’d have to return this path and retrace my steps to finish. The people ahead of me are on the other side of the road, returning to the finish line, looking worse for wear. The turnaround is where the final nine kilometers starts, and the mind resets and forgets about the previous 33km which should have been easy-going. 

At this point, the race really starts to feel like a marathon. No amount of training prior could prepare for the tortures and endurance of this section. If I could describe the feeling - it’s like trying to spread peanut butter on toast from an empty jar. The opening to the jar is tiny, only enough for a butter knife to fit inside, and it continues to scrape the bottom of the jar. The bottom of the jar makes a screeching noise, and every single urge is to stop scraping, but for some reason we continue. 

I changed the music to my specially prepared list of tracks, rummaging through my pocket of half empty gel packs, to change to the final track in my <Marathon 2019> playlist. At 33km, I made it up to this point feeling mostly okay -- so I went for it. 

I made it four more kilometres with a negative split, running past multiple people who had started walking, before falling back into a numb survival mode. The sort of survival where you grit your teeth and and look for energy and strength you never knew you had. Digging deeper into the jar for one last push with two fingers jammed into the opening.

I ran alongside someone else who looked like he was struggling as much as I was, and we stuck together. I even had a little kick of speed about one km from the finish, near Britomart, before falling behind him again. Abby found me at the finish line, but I couldn’t move any closer to hear what she was saying. Nick came and found me to congratulate me, and I gave him a ride home via church. 

The last 9 kilometers was truly one of the hardest things I have finished, but I was so happy at the finish line. I don’t think anyone else could ever understand the tears of joy -- I could do it.

On the Auckland marathon, I learned self-belief.

-----------------

I think people who have hiked with me can assure you that my hiking style is best described as obsessive. Nearly all can affirm this, the rest never really made it back. When I returned to Auckland in November, I remarked that to Y- that I was genuinely just exhausted, Y- was astonished, 

> I cannot fathom what kind of hiking could make you exhausted

The Cascade Saddle day-trip was rough. It wasn’t the day trudging through knee-deep snow, or the sunburn starting to form on my cheek, right below where my cap did not provide shade -- but it was the collective two weeks of hiking and climbing, and finding my limit at the end of three long ten-hour days with a full pack. The entire day was full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. 

The Dart Glacier, arguably the centre-piece of this hike was stunning. The entire hike was designed around tracing the Dart River upstream on the true left of the river to its source. It was easily the most awe-inspiring thing I have seen this year, in terms of majesty and beauty. There is nothing on earth which makes me feel so small or insignificant, as standing at the base of a glacier and looking at the timeless, frozen rivers that run around me. 

The lows followed quickly after, descending from the mountain saddle, toward the end of the day and rapidly losing daylight. Fully knowing there was still 5 hours of hiking left in the day, slightly worried about the pace of the day quickly ending. 

I can still vividly remember the shape of the broad, flat rock which looked slippery, and despite making the mental cost-benefit analysis, still carelessly putting my entire weight on the rock. In true laidback-jugs fashion, I just decided that the problem would sort itself out. Unsurprisingly, the foot did actually continue slipping, and with zero points of secure anchor, on the side of the mountain I continued to slide down the hill for a couple of metres somersaulting over exposed rock and snow. 

I cursed myself with some very self-deprecating language to numb the pain down my shins and landing on top of my camera bag. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was hiking alone, very far from the closest person. Something about the self-sufficiency in the wild makes one increasingly irritable at every oneself, and every bad decisions. The rest of the limp back was miserable and I was exceedingly negative to myself.

The next morning, I made it as far as the Rees Saddle before returning to the hut. I started at 6am and vowed to myself that I would only go 3 hours because I had another 3 hours return and another 5 hours to the next hut. I made it two and half hours of climbing and walking along the narrow mountain route before stopping. I rested. 

I felt not so alone as previous days, but in such solitude for that short half an hour, just watching the sun come over the mountains and giving my body rest. From the Intentions Book I knew that I was the first person to come across this mountain pass for four months, and I took heart from that. 

In the moments where I could stop and see creation, remembering why I was out there in moderate-high danger, crossing waist-high water, and walking for hours with what seems like all my possessions - I could see that, in that moment, it was good. 

On the Rees-Dart track, I learned self-love.

-----------------

This year has been good, even great. It’s been the best one yet, and I know I have grown so much as a person. 

About a month ago, E- said I am often pretentious and this operated as a defense mechanism. It still slays me on the inside somewhat because it’s something I’ve battled my whole life. In reality, there is pretentiousness in me, but can that exist if I vow there is no pride? 

There is urgency in everything I do, because I like to think that I doggedly pursue and am surrounded by so much love, peace and joy. I don’t know how anyone could settle for anything less, I struggle to translate that sentiment into words and actions that other people could understand. I don’t know how I can put the thirst in me in a normal way, without resorting to l'appel du vide and feeling I’m crazy or weird (or inferior) compared to everyone else because I feel more than other people do. 

Life is merely what God has planned for each of us, and I’m just here to experience every drop of it. 

On some level, I long to share it with someone. There is so much of my life which is guarded and the way her words still have so much power over me -- I think I still have some residual feelings for her.

[xephia]

A little butterfly fairy just in time for Armageddon Auckland~! I’m printing her on totebags~ 

[meozu]

Just a wee bit of the robot boy! This illustration also made its debut at Auckland Armageddon as a print