#just don’t say you’re transitioning to painful and serious disorder

[fortheloveofpiggy]

Edit: took back some statement read here

TransDID is so offensive actually

What do you mean you want to transition to having dissociative identity disorder. What do you mean you wish you had extreme trauma. What do you mean you wish you dissociated. What do you mean you wish you had amnesia. Did isnt all about being plural. It’s okay to wish you were plural but no you can’t transition to having did just say you’re willogenic please.

[aquaticalay]

Centurion .Chapter Five.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Sequel to For Something Greater

Summary: (Y/n) is an active duty Navy SEAL Commander, the first and only woman to ever become a SEAL. After successfully stopping a genocide with the help of the Avengers, she becomes a bridge between the military and the earth's mightiest heroes. But even as her relationship with Bucky grows, she decides not to tell him about the nightmares and trauma that haunt her. Both their secrets begin to unravel when Bucky accidentally stumbles upon a piece of dangerous information about (Y/n) that she doesn't know about herself— something she must never find out about.

Genre: Action, Drama, Romance

Warning/s for the series: cursing, violence, death, eventual smut, PTSD

Warning/s for the chapter: mentions of PTSD symptoms (mood swings, outbursts), cursing (is this even a warning anymore?), and a very teeny tiny sexual reference.

Word count: 1.1k (this is the shortest chapter of the series, like a transition :)

Note: The plot is heavily inspired by the song 'in the dark' by Bring Me The Horizon, and 'Mercy' by Muse. So yeah, go listen to it if you want to :)))  I'll post a new chapter every two days.

Let me know if you want to be in the taglist!

(Taglist will be reblogged)

THIS IS A SEQUEL TO 'FOR SOMETHING GREATER.' IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT, THE MASTERLIST IS IN MY BIO.

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS SERIES REVOLVES AROUND POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. (Including, but not limited to: anxiety/panic attacks, extreme mood swings , nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, irritability, hypervigilance, and hyperarousal)

The drive back to headquarters was unusually quiet and tense, your hands fidgeting at the thought of almost getting caught. 

“I’m sorry,” you muttered out of your breath, letting out an apologetic sigh. The encounter was too close, too sloppy, all because you decided to bring your phone and forget to put it silent out of fucking habit. The situation was almost laughable. 

“It’s not your fault,” Bucky told you gently, his voice silky smooth and calming.

Letting out a cynical laugh, you lowered your head. “Don’t say that.”

Bucky glanced to his side, his attention split between the road and you. “Say what?”

“That it isn’t my fault,” you started to raise your voice, “Because last I checked, it was my phone that rang, it was me who almost got us caught. So clearly, James, it was my fucking fault!”

The anger in your eyes showed the fear of the little girl within. The little girl was too quick to point fingers, yet too hard on herself. But you didn’t care. As long as you had someone to blame, the problem was clear. In this case, it was yourself.

But you weren’t built for anger, not by design. Given the right catalyst and motivation, you were destructive and deadly because of it.

You didn't mind it, most of the time. You were a SEAL, and to some degree, aggression was useful. But now you ask yourself if it had become a bad thing.

Bucky’s mind stuttered for a moment as he took in what you said. You haven’t been like this in so long, and he wondered what you’re going through behind the glass walls you built for yourself after the events caused by King-Carver. “Doll,” he said gently, hands on the wheel, "Is there anything you’d like to tell me?"

You were taken aback by his sudden question, but you regain your composure fast enough so he wouldn’t notice. 

“No,” you answered reluctantly through half-gritted teeth.

“Are you sure?” He asked once more, giving you a second chance to change your mind.

“No,” you replied again. Your voice was hesitant, but if you were not comfortable, he would not push it. It would do more damage than repair.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” He asked, just to reassure you. This time, you nod only slightly, a wave of guilt churning within. 

You sighed. Bucky Barnes was a good man. Too good, in fact, that you believe he deserved so much better than you.

-

When you arrived back at the headquarters, the sun had only begun to break from the clouds, subtle hints of pink and orange in the sky. An odd color combination, but wonderful nonetheless.

The only one awake was Wanda, who was making waffles in the kitchen. There was so much batter in the mixing bowl, you assumed she was cooking for everyone. As the two of you passed her on the way to Bucky’s room, you waved and gave her a smile, and she returned it. She didn’t question you, or wondered where you've been, which was good.

You walked inside Bucky’s room. The bed was still a mess of tangled sheets, and the whole room was still engulfed in the distinctly smell of him. You found that it gave you a sense of comfort, one that was familiar.

Bucky was behind you, gently placing a hand on your hip. He squeezed it, as if it was a reassurance. He placed a kiss on your hair, taking in the scent of your shampoo. “You should rest, doll,” he advised, a tinge of worry in his voice.

"I will if you do," your answer was stubborn, and if Bucky didn't know better, he'd think you were being playful. But he does, and he knows you are dead serious.

Taking off his hoodie and kicking off his shoes, he jumped on the bed playfully, easing the tension in the room, if there was even any.

You can't help but give him a subtle smile. You brushed of your jacket, joining him on the bed after dimming the lights.

His hand played with your strands of hair, toying with it. It calmed you down more that you would've expected it to.

You caved in the pillow, and in a matter of minutes, you were sound asleep, soft snores coming out of your mouth as your chest heaves and falls.

Bucky slipped out of the room, letting you enjoy your well-needed rest.

-

You woke up a few hours later, a little dazed, but mostly refreshed. Bucky was not there with you.

You stumbled out of the room, passing a few Avengers, including an equally sleepy King T'challa, and Hope Van Dyne, who was on the phone with somebody, probably Hank Pym.

You arrived at the gym, Bucky and Sam sparring in the boxing rink. 

Neither of them noticed you come in, and you just sat on the bench, watching them wrestle.

Sam's fighting style felt more familiar. Like most basic military training, he was more focused on martial-arts inspired self defense and attack by grappling. He depended more on the strength of his arms, and when done correctly, it could be dangerous.

On the other hand, Bucky's fighting style was less calculated but more strategic than Sam, more reliant on brute force, which was his strong suit.

Sam managed to push bucky through the mattress, pushing both arms on his torso. Deadlocked, Bucky only has one move left on his mind.

Unfortunately for Sam, that move involved Bucky kneeing him in the balls.

Without the intention of seriously hurting his friend, Bucky lifted his knees between Sam's legs, resulting with the Captain rolling off, wincing in pain. 

"No fair, man!" He exclaimed, squinting.

You can't hide the chuckle coming out of your mouth, covering your mouth instinctively.

Both men look your way. Bucky gleamed at you, finding Sam's defeat hilarious, too. He helped Sam up, offering him a hand.

"Oh, ha ha," Sam said, sarcastically mocking himself, "You like it when your boy fights dirty, don't you?"

Bucky shrugged, "fighting, no. But dirty? yes. Absolutely."

You let out a more obvious laugh, and Sam fake-gagged, hitting his arm jokingly. "I don't want to hear that. Ever again."

They walked towards you, Sam taking a few gulps from his drinking bottle. 

He glanced at Bucky, "By the way, there's a small mission tonight. Would you like to come?" 

"What is it?" Bucky asked, looking up to Sam, who was still standing in front of the bench. Bucky sat next to you, tying his shoelaces.

Sam shrugged, "A lady claims somebody broke into an apartment in Jersey early this morning. You know, Nick Fury's. Nothing has been found. I think the woman's just sleepy, but NYPD want us to check it out, just in case."

You tensed slightly, breath stopping for a split second. You glanced at Bucky, and he does the same. You nod slightly, a sign that you think he should come along on the mission, just so he could cover the tracks. 

Bucky cleared his throat. "Sure, I'll go."

You had to admit, he made a convincing lie.

~

[pllandcompany]

(now if we’re) talking body

Summary: Roman should have caught this. But he didn’t and now Logan’s falling.

Warnings: food mention, anxiety mention, brief description of a panic attack, eating disorder/disordered behavior (big one for this fic), self-destructive behavior, injury mention, brief blood mention, fainting, hospital mention, needle/IV mention, crying

Tagged:  @shxtxpp @apologieslogan  @crofters-jam @asylia5911 @ab-artist @band-be-boss-blog @unbefuckinglieveable@flyingfreeyt @thecatchat @thefallendog @backatthebein

Notes: Hey, remember that ice skating AU I came up with months ago? And I said I would definitely write in it? And then proceeded to crawl into a hole of my own shame never to be heard from again? Yeah, me neither, no idea where this came from. On a serious note: please heed the warnings on this one, y'all. The entire subject centers around someone struggling with an eating disorder. If that is triggering or upsetting to you, please don’t read it. Parts of it were honestly hard for me to write. If you do read it, I hope you find some sort of catharsis with it. Know that if you battle these issues or issues like it that you are not alone. There is always help so talk to someone. Reach out. Tell ANYONE who will listen. All right, loves, stay safe. 

If Roman is honest with himself, he has to admit that it took him just a bit too long to notice what was happening with Logan, for his taste at least. Logan is his competition, sure, but he’s also his friend in an ‘I hate you, please love me’ sort of way. He should have noticed sooner. Well, that’s not totally fair. He did notice some things. But for some reason, he just didn’t say anything. Maybe he was afraid. Maybe he wanted to be absolutely certain, maybe he just didn’t want to deal with it; he doesn’t know. What he does know is by the time he finally finds the bravery to connect the figurative dots, it’s almost too late.

It starts when Logan comes back from the off-season looking, well, different. He’s leaner, especially in his waist and legs, and while his body is certainly more…defined, it’s also definitely smaller than Roman remembers. It’s not a bad look by any means, it’s just very different, enough to make Roman pause and take stock of the svelte man in front of him.

“You’ve been training hard this off-season, Specs.” Roman means it to be an offhand comment but something in the way Logan’s shoulders stiffen makes him wonder if he should have said anything at all. Logan looks up slowly and blinks at the redhead, an impassive expression on his face.

“I always train in the off-season. It’s important to maintain strength and endurance so the transition into training at full capacity is less of a strain on the body.” He sounds like a textbook, the Skater’s Guide to Success or something and Roman stifles a chuckle, not wanting to offend his friend any further than he apparently has.

“I know that, Wikipedia. I mean that you must have been doing something different. But you look good! Just different than last year. You’re…smaller and more…muscle-y.” He rubs the back of his neck in an uncharacteristic display of insecurity, nervous that the tension radiating off the dark-haired skater is partly his fault.

“That is not a word but…thank you, I presume.” Logan looks so uncomfortable that Roman has to get up and leave, heading out to the rink before he even fully has his skates on.

“You’re welcome. I’ll, uh, see you out there.”

After that awkward encounter, Roman vows to not say anything else about Logan’s appearance.

****

The next thing Roman notices is Logan’s eating habits have changed.

It’s not like the boy had a huge appetite to begin with, typically electing to eat smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day. But lately, Logan has been skipping his snacks in favor of more practice time. Roman figures he just started making up for it at the normal scheduled mealtimes but when Logan comes in one day with just a small salad with no protein or dairy in it and then another day with a cup of grapes and some sliced apples, he realizes that he’s cut back there too. Regardless, he’s still eating and he still drinking water (he thinks) so it can’t be that bad, right? Shaking the worries from his head, Roman just barely brings himself back to reality in time to notice Logan’s stiffened up again, only this time the cause of it seems to be whatever Patton is saying to him.

“Logan, are you sure you’re not hungry? I have another piece of string cheese and a tangerine if you want it.”

Logan is sitting on the bench they’re sharing with his body slightly hunched over, arms folded across his stomach. To anyone else, he just looks a little cold but Roman can just barely make out the slight wince at the corners of his eyes. He’s definitely in pain and he’s definitely trying to hide it.

“I’m fine, Patton. I don’t need anything right now.” And Roman is certain that is a lie but he knows his teammate well enough not to directly call him on it. Patton, on the other hand, keeps pushing.

“Well, how about some water? Or a sports drink? You look like you might be cramping. You have been out there for a while without a break.”

“No, for God’s sake, I am fine, Patton! Will you please stop it with your incessant worrying?!” Logan snaps and immediately regrets it, doubling over as the effort of his anger causes another stitch to go shooting up his side, one he can’t cover up. Yet another thing that seems to be different; the usual picture of composure that Logan wears on the surface has slowly begun to dissipate, revealing a pulsing layer of frustrated magma underneath and more and more people have found themselves getting burned if they get too close. Patton, however, maintains a gentle look on his face even with the unexpected outburst but Roman can see the hurt and worry lurking in the bubbly skater’s brown eyes. He glances over at Roman briefly before standing up and preparing to walk away, leaning over for a moment. Roman cranes his neck to see Patton place a water bottle and the aforementioned fruit and cheese on the bench next to Logan. He seems to have recovered from his loss of temper and the subsequent cramp but now he is decidedly refusing to meet the older man’s eyes. Patton lays a gentle hand on Logan’s shoulder anyway and Roman braces for it to get knocked off but the moment never comes.

“Okay, honey. I’m sorry; I didn’t realize I was prying. But you need to take care of yourself, Logan. Food’s there if you want it.” Patton simply walks away after that, eyeing Roman sadly as he passes by. A moment passes before he steals another glance down the length of the bench at the now despondent Logan. He’s turning the small orange over in his hand, eyebrows furrowed in heavy deliberation over something that should be so simple. Roman knows better than that; he knows how complicated food can get for some people, especially athletes that compete at such a high level as they do. Admittedly, he never expected his overly logical teammate to ever struggle with something like this. Reason should surely step in and make this easy for the stoic skater, right?

When Logan eventually puts the fruit down and settles on taking a small sip from the water instead, it becomes clear that for him, this is very complicated.

****

Roman’s closing up the rink one night as a favor to his father when he gathers the courage to confront Logan about his recent change in behavior.

Trash is clear, showers are cleaned, doors are locked- you finished in record time, Roman Prince. He’s about to turn off the lights when he realizes that someone’s still on the ice. Roman is stunned, it’s well after eleven and it’s already been a full day of training. Who could possibly want to be practicing at this hour-

Logan. Of course.

Roman stands and watches for a minute as Logan glides across the ice, prepping for what looks to be his signature triple axel into a triple toe loop, a complicated sequence, sure, but nothing Logan hasn’t accomplished before. He figures he'll let Logan finish this element before he lets him it's time to go home-

Something's off.

Logan is far too tense. His shoulders are way too high. His legs seem wobbly and unsteady. And worst of all, he's not wearing any gloves, which would be concerning for anybody but is damn near insane for the typically pedantic skater who is more than happy to lecture everyone else about skate safety. It dawns on Roman just how long it's been since that man has walked into this arena.

And the man in front of him now? Couldn't be farther away from his normal picture of Logan if he tried.

Roman is just about to say something when Logan suddenly leaps into the air, attempting the jump. Right away, Roman can see plain as day that his approach is off and it throws his body out of alignment, causing Logan to over-rotate and come crashing down to the ice with a sickening smack.

Oh, God.

Thankfully, two things happen: one, Logan is smart enough to tuck and roll and land on his backside instead of his arm, thus avoiding a more serious injury, and two, he's not too far from the wall and slides into the flexible plastic, not too far from where Roman stands, momentarily frozen in shock. It takes a beat too long for his body to catch up to his brain screaming at him to move, run, go to him and finally-

"Logan! Logan, are you all right?" Roman leans over to see Logan seated on the ice, propped up against the wall and panting heavily. There are going to be bruises all over him, no doubt, it was a hard fall but nothing appears to be broken. Roman reaches out a hand to him, his concern for every aspect of his teammate's health growing by the second.

"Here, Lo, come on. Take my hand, let's get you off the ice. You can stand, right?"

Logan hesitates ever so slightly before he nods and Roman doesn't miss it. He suppresses the urge to wince at the weak, ice cold grip Logan has and instead focuses his energy on pulling the taller man to his feet.

"Turn towards me, grab both my hands. That's it, Lo. And I'll walk around and you sidestep; we'll meet at the entrance and then we'll sit and take a breather." It takes a moment for them to finally reach other. Logan is shaking badly and Roman keeps having to grab him to keep him upright. Finally, they reach the opening and the trembling skater practically collapses into his rescuer's chest, still breathing erratically as Roman holds him steady to check him over. He grabs both of his freezing hands and holds them in his warm ones, calmly whispering at Logan to take a deep breath, something he finally does himself. Eventually, they both calm down and a few moments pass before someone speaks.

"I'm sorry," Logan whispers. It's small and ashamed and it breaks Roman's heart just that much more.

"Please don't apologize. Just tell me what is going on." Logan's head snaps up and he almost looks like he's about to deny everything all over again and then he takes inventory of the situation and slumps over, defeated.

"I...I don't know what's happening to me."

"I think you do," Roman says, afraid yet brave for just a moment. Logan's eyes widen, fear turning over and over again in his stomach. "I think you know exactly what this is."

Logan nods, glossy tears threatening to spill out onto his cheeks. Roman is right; there is no fooling anyone anymore. He nods again and clears his throat twice, suddenly unable to unstick the walls to get anything out.

"Logan," Roman presses on, "you must know how this ends. You know this can't continue." Logan nods a third time, looking up at the concerned redhead through wet eyelashes as his voice makes a quiet comeback.

"I know...but I can't stop."

****

Roman regrets every choice he's ever made with Logan when it comes to their next competition.

He's waiting on the sidelines for his turn at bat, so to speak, when he sees Logan blow past them, ignoring them all and taking his place on deck.

"Well, what the hell was that about?" Virgil grumbles. "He didn't even wish us luck or anything!" Patton places a hand on his shoulder and offers up a weak smile.

"He's been...off lately, Virge. I think he just needs some space right now." Something in Roman's gut twists at that, the sheets wrongness of leaving Logan to his own devices eating at him. He glances over at Patton who gives him the same half-hearted smile and then glances down at a very stressed out Virgil with his face buried in his hands. Roman gets it and the ache in his chest subsides. Virgil's anxiety is playing against him and he doesn't need yet another thing to worry about. None of them do, really but that unfortunately doesn't stop anything from happening to anyone.

The three look up as they hear Logan's name called out over the loudspeaker and the cheers as he glides onto the ice, giving a the crowd a tight grin and a small wave. He's never been overly expressive with his entrance but yet again, Roman can see the extra stress around his eyes, the dark circles even more prominent against the pallor of his face, the way his legs tremble as he takes his starting pose.

The guilty churning comes back tenfold. Roman should have said something. He shouldn't be out there.

The music starts and like a light switch, Logan comes alive for a brief moment. It enough to make his teammates almost relax until he attempts his first jump sequence and it goes sideways, Logan wobbling as he lands.

"Did...did he just wobble on a triple flip?" Virgil asked, incredulous.

"He just wobbled...on a double flip...that was supposed to be a triple," Roman says, quiet and halting.

"Something's wrong." Patton echoes the thought radiating off the others. "Something's really wrong."

Logan barely makes it through the rest of his routine, tipping and wobbling on almost all of his jumps, modifying other elements down, an obvious display of a lack of confidence. His turns are sluggish and his moves lack more and more luster and enthusiasm as time goes on. No one would dare say this out loud but it's possibly the worst Logan has ever skated in a long while. Finally, it ends and Logan looks wrecked. Not only does he appear to be exhausted, his expression is utterly defeated as the crowd cheers out of sheer sympathy, still loving him despite the struggles he's had tonight. It doesn't seem to register to the tall brunette as he skates around to each side of the rink to acknowledge the audience, his chest heaving with the effort of fighting back tears and screams of frustration. His teammates look on, trying and mostly failing not to let their pity and shock show. The most steady and consistent person on their team just crumbled and none of them could speak. They could only watch as the person they knew faded in front of them, the sense that something had irrevocably changed haunting them all. Logan shakily starts to make his way off the ice, pinching the bridge of his nose when the unthinkable happens and his blades slide out from underneath him, pulling his body down to the ice, limp and unconscious and not moving.

Chaos erupts as medics and coaches flood the ice and the crowd shrieks in horror. Roman almost leaps onto the ice himself but he's pulled back by someone he briefly struggles against. He finally registers Patton's blonde curls and suddenly he can hear again.

"Roman, stop it, do you hear me? You can't help him right now, the medics, they've got him, okay? He'll be okay, just let them do their job! Roman, look at me, look at me! He will be okay!" Patton's voice is shaking with uncertain sobs but still Roman nods, knowing that it's truly too late, the time for action on his part has long since passed.

"Come on now, come with me, come help Virgil, he needs us right now." Roman looks over to see the small skater curled up on the bench in the throes of a panic attack. Roman grabs his hand and places it to his chest absently, taking one last glance back at the rink. The sound of Patton's counting Virgil’s breaths fades into the background as he zeroes in on Logan's unmoving frame between someone's legs. There's a small pool of blood on the ice around his head.

The sight of it makes Roman want to vomit.

****

It’s hours later when Logan wakes up to a slow, steady beeping machine. Hospital, it registers, and he wants to groan out loud but there’s barely enough energy left in his body to open his eyes. His head hurts, his body hurts, and his throat feels like sandpaper. He tries to shift and something pulls at his arm, what is that? Oh. The IV, pumping me full of sugar and fluids that are just going to-

Keep you alive.

Is this really where he is? Is he really so far gone that he fears something as innocuous as an IV drip? Is he really at such a low point that he needs to be on a IV drip? 

What the hell has he done to himself?

A small gasp startles him and he turns his head too fast to the left, a wave of dizziness crashes into him briefly. Roman seems to notice and pulls over a small cup of water with a straw. Logan hates himself for it but he pauses for just a second. Roman stays patient, his face unreadable as he waits for Logan take a sip, pushing the cup away gently when he’s done.

“Thank God you’re awake,” Roman mutters.

“I take it that I didn’t place,” Logan responds dryly. Roman raises an eyebrow.

“Really? That’s what you’re concerned about?” No response. “No, you didn’t,” he sighs out, “gold went to another team. I took silver and Patton was just shy of bronze.Virgil..Virgil struggled too.”

“I probably terrified him.”

“You terrified all of us.” Roman’s tone was soft but abrupt. “You weren’t moving, I thought you were- I thought...” He cleared his closing throat, swallowing the lump that had formed there. “Anyway...if you’re worried, we’re handling the press. My father is releasing a statement that your...collapse was due to a recent bout of severe flu that turned into pneumonia. You’ll be taking some time off to recover in the hospital and then at home privately until you’re strong enough to compete again.” 

“Your father would do that for me? That’s...that’s wonderful. That’s just- it’s- that’s just perfect!” Logan breaks down sobbing before Roman can even blink and to his surprise, it chokes him up too.

“Logan?”

“They don’t see me, Roman. Your father would lie for someone he hardly knows. But my parents..I’m never good enough for them. I’m not good enough for anyone. And I try to make myself perfect but they still...they don’t see me.” 

“So your answer is to disappear?” Silence again. “Logan...this has to stop here. You need help or you’re gonna...please tell me you’ll end this.”

Logan swallows thickly. “You know I can’t promise you that.”

Roman drops his head, the urge to cry only growing stronger. “I should have done something. I should have said something sooner.”

“Roman, this isn’t your fault.”

“No, I knew! I watched this happen! I watched you deteriorate and I said nothing! And now you’re...” A hand reaches across his face, wiping the tears that had collected on his cheeks.

“Alive, Roman. I’m still alive.” Roman nods, the guilt slowly easing its way out of his chest. He grabs Logan’s hand and squeezes, both of them clinging to the fragile strands of hope that connected them.

As long as he was alive, he still had hope, right?

[reading-while-queer]

Adult Onset, Ann-Marie MacDonald

Rating: Great Read Genre: Realism, Literary Representation: -Lesbian protagonist -Lebanese protagonist -Protagonist with anxiety/panic disorder Trigger warnings: Infant death, Stillbirth (explicit), Child abuse, Child sexual abuse (not in scene), Homophobia, Misogyny, Biphobia, Animal death, Internalized racism, Reclaimed D-slur

Note: Not YA; somewhat sexual but not explicit

Transitioning into reading more adult fiction than YA in your early twenties is often unpleasant.  Disturbing topics make a happy home in adult fiction, and they don’t always announce themselves in the book jacket.  (Adult Onset’s book jacket even describes the novel as “hilarious” - a fact which is hilarious in itself. Are adults okay?) The disturbing topics aren’t bad in and of themselves.  Adult readers of these difficult literary novels can sometimes resonate with the battle between ugliness and meaning, finding catharsis in the trenches.  Some readers may even find an unpolished aspect of themselves reflected in the novel, their relationship to the book becoming a form of literary therapy. The books that save lives are rarely the easiest reads.  By the same token, undertaking a difficult literary novel can put a bitter taste in your mouth. Sometimes that moment of catharsis isn’t worth the taste.

I found myself waffling over my opinion about Adult Onset.  On the one hand, it’s about the generational gift of abuse from mother to daughter, and the ugliness of that abuse is not safely contained within a “bad guy” the reader can despise, but in sympathetic characters.  It’s an uncomfortable book with a subject matter that isn’t going to appeal to the escapist reader, that’s for sure.  On the other hand, as we get older, many of us develop more tolerance for morally gray characters as we discover that we are morally gray ourselves; it can even be refreshing to read about someone with our same flaws - flaws bad enough we might hesitate to speak about them - treated not as evil, but human.  Reading Adult Onset, I felt myself straddling that line.  Yes, Adult Onset was an uncomfortable, unhappy read.  But at the same time, I saw glimpses of myself in the main character’s serious anger and anxiety.  While I’m not a mother in my mid-forties struggling to manage a suburban household, anyone who has had to grapple with mental illness or abuse will feel kinship to Mary Rose.

Adult Onset is one of those books that can’t be measured by plot. The narrative is urged forward by the compulsion of symmetry, not linear time, and so the story takes a beautiful, mirrored shape, rather than the parabola of a plot arc.  The central character, who is the line across which the shape of the story is reflected, is Mary Rose (“Mister” for short), a lesbian mother of two who used to write YA novels, but who has since traded roles with her wife in favor of home-making, giving her wife a chance to follow her career as a theater director.  Mary Rose has untreated anxiety that causes her to catastrophize everything in her life.  She has untreated anger that causes her to yell and throw things in front of her kids.  She is kind of a dick, to use the most accurate term, which causes her to ask her wife, “If she got the flowers?” when Mary Rose never sent any flowers (but feels like she might be in trouble if she doesn’t make some claim at a redeeming quality).  Mary Rose is also the heir to two generations of abuse.  Her maternal grandfather married a twelve year old child.  Her mother hit her and her brother (her elder sister had a different experience). Both parents rejected her in the most severe way when she came out as a lesbian in her twenties.  She has chronic pain from childhood bone cysts, a pain which leads her down the rabbit hole of memory as she tries to find some closure on a childhood that her aging parents don’t fully remember anymore.  

Adult Onset is a good book.  It’s a beautiful piece of art.  The structure of the novel is inspired, leaving one more than satisfied with the symmetrical beauty of it all.  The narrative about Mary Rose is inter-cut with glimpses from Mary Rose’s mother’s perspective, showing the reader not an old woman with memory loss, but the young mother struggling with postpartum depression she once was.  We also receive the perspective of the main character from Mary Rose’s popular YA book series, a young girl whose magical adventures were unwittingly inspired by Mary Rose’s trauma.  These snapshots of other points of view are unannounced, and even confusing at first - but therein lies their value.  Mary Rose’s identity bleeds into her mother and her main character, and the structure of the novel itself illustrates that.

Adult Onset is a good book.  It takes Mary Rose’s flaws, holds them before the reader, and says: motherhood is not easy, and you’re not a bad person for floundering. It explores where the line is, that makes a person irredeemable.  Mary Rose almost hits her toddler, and she thinks with horror - what if there is an alternate universe where she really did?  She thinks about her own life in those terms, considering that while she is the Mary Rose who was abused by her parents, perhaps there is an alternate Mary Rose who wasn’t.  She loves and defends her parents as if they didn’t pass her trauma down to her, as if she were the lucky Mary Rose - yet she still contends with the unhappy result. She asks herself: if her parents don’t even remember her childhood anymore, are they still the parents who did and said the things that hurt her?

Adult Onset is a good book, but it is also a book that very artfully dances around a concerning issue with its theme.  Herein lies the problem: Adult Onset gives itself an almost impossible task, that of fixing Mary Rose’s unhappy life into a somewhat happy ending.  Mary Rose almost hit her toddler, her marriage is on the rocks because she keeps yelling at her wife, and she refuses therapy to the bitter end.  The reader won’t be satisfied with the realism of the book if Mary Rose changes too much for the better, nor will the reader be satisfied with an unhappy ending.  In the end, Mary Rose doesn’t really change, so much as realize she can ask for help.  She asks a friend to come over and stay with her for a couple of days while her wife is out of town, and she has an all-day play-date with a mom from her son’s preschool - a mom who Mary Rose has always believed is perfect, but who whispers to Mary Rose, “You saved my life today.”  Mary Rose could have said the same thing, a fun little turn of the tables with the positive message that there is no perfect mother.  Women suffer far too much unaddressed misery, desperation, and shame (with dire consequences), but there is solace and reprieve in one another’s support. This one play-date, and the lesson therein, is the cathartic moment of the novel.

Yet one play-date carries a heavy burden, if it is to be the cathartic moment of a novel about abuse, infant mortality, anger, anxiety, lesbianism, and motherhood.  On reflection, a reader might be more horrified than satisfied, that a play-date is the only help Mary Rose is to receive. Perhaps MacDonald would agree, because after this play-date from heaven, Mary Rose’s life magically falls into place in all sorts of ways.  She’s the mom who has it together now, offering organic pretzels to the lesser mothers who forgot to pack a snack for the park.  She even makes peace with a memory of her father’s homophobia, satisfied by how far he’s come in the twenty years since.  Her wife, who hasn’t wanted sex over the course of the novel, suddenly changes her mind when she finds some lingerie that Mary Rose bought for herself (even though she didn’t even really want it). Mary Rose’s experience of gender is what some readers might call dysphoric, but Mary Rose herself calls “internalized misogyny.”  She feels like it’s wrong of her to be uncomfortable with womanhood, so when her wife tells Mary Rose to wear the lingerie to bed, reminding her with exasperation that “I’m attracted to women,” Mary Rose falls in line.  What a tidy ending! Motherhood? Resolved. Relationship with parents? Resolved. Sex life? Resolved. Complicated lifelong relationship to gender? Resolved.

This was the real key to my discomfort with the ending of the novel.  The message seems to be: if you’re about to self-destruct (taking your children down with you)... just get with the program.  At your breaking point? Just ask your friend to come over with spaghetti.  Just set up a play-date.  Just perform motherhood better.  Just perform womanhood better.  How sad is it, that this was all the book could give Mary Rose? If the theme of your novel is also the Nike slogan, it’s not as radical an outlook on life as one might think.

The weak ending aside, there are only a few such cracks in the perfect veneer of Adult Onset.  The Gen X humor is off-putting (What’s up with Facebook, ladies, am I right?), and Mary Rose obnoxiously discredits her wife’s bisexuality, saying “She refuses to call herself a lesbian.”  She still uses the word “transgendered,” too, which even word processors auto-correct these days.  And yet, for all its flaws, Adult Onset is a good book.  If you have anger and have ever been a hair's breadth away from hitting a child in your care - and let’s face it, this is the unspoken shame for many, many mothers - it’s a book that will make you feel seen, and understood.  The mothers that have hit their children in a moment - or months, or years - of weakness are seen too, in Mary Rose’s mother, who is neither torn down nor excused, but simply put to the page.

Adult Onset is a good book, yes, but do I recommend it?  Not to everyone.  It’s a frustrating book.  It covers topics that may be triggering. It’s a book that can, and probably will, ruin your day (Gen X humor just isn’t enough to cut the despair, folks).  On the other hand, it offers an underlying message that not every book can give you: Even if you didn’t solve the problem, even if you’re just barely hanging on by a toxic “Just do it!” attitude, there is grace for you.

For more from Ann-Marie MacDonald, visit her website here.

[dumb-bitches-podcast-blog]

English Transcript of “Dumb Bitches Podcast”

Introduction

(Introduction music)

All: Dumb Bitches! (children cheering)

Linor: This podcast was created as an academic project for Comics: Seeing Differently with Dr. Galvan at the University of Florida. 

Linor: I’m Linor Sevilla and I’m majoring in Psychology.

Jamie: I’m Jamie Alexander and im majoring in English and Advertising.

Erin: I’m Erin Russell and I’m majoring in English. Raisa: I’m Raisa Karim and I’m majoring in Political Sciences.

Erin: This episode revolves around Dumb, a 2018 graphic memoir written and illustrated by Georgia Webber. It explores the life of author Georgia Webber as she struggles with a vocal injury and disability. 

Jamie: So, let's get into it! In this Podcast, we will discuss how Dumb raises questions about women’s health issues. There are multiple occasions where medical professionals overlook or minimize Georgia’s symptoms. For example, on page 126... 

Topic 1: Women’s Health issues (being taken seriously)

Jamie: ...we see how the words of the male doctor follow Georgia throughout her illness. He says, “I don’t want to tell you it’s all in your head, but you know, your body is affected by stress, and I know it’s hard, but there’s not much I can do.” This kind of language diminishes the seriousness of Georgia’s suffering, which is emphasized through her response, “nobody’s helping me,” as the last element on the two page spread. Also, Webber depicts him as physically more imposing than the other characters on page 126, where he encompasses a disproportionately larger section of the page than Georgia. 

Erin: According to a 2017 Harvard Health Blog article by Laura Kiesel, women in pain are much more likely than men to receive prescriptions for sedatives instead of pain medication. 70% of chronic pain patients are women, but 80% of pain studies are conducted on male mice or human men.

Jamie: It’s also important to try to keep in mind that not all people with uteruses or vaginas are women and that these issues also affect non-binary, trans, and other femme-identifying people.

Linor: Have any of you had experiences with chronic pain or dismissive doctors?

Raisa: I have. A little over a year ago, I went to my doctor for a suspected UTI multiple times over the course of 6-9 months. The urine tests would often come back negative, so I’d go back and she would prescribe me antibiotics anyway. The UTIs would go away, but come back again a couple weeks later. This went on and on and I was in severe pain for months to the point where my issue became chronic. But my doctor at the time continued to be dismissive, telling me to have less sex. That was so sexist! I wasn’t even having sex. I saw another doctor who did a wet mount and it turned out my UTIs were caused by an underlying case of bacterial vaginosis. I’m thankful for her, but my previous doctor’s dismissiveness ruined my ecosystem and now I have chronic yeast infections and BV. It’s tough!

Erin: Oh my gosh, Raisa, that’s awful! I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Raisa: Thanks, Erin.

Linor: These types of interactions with medical professionals can really affect patients’ mental health. They certainly impact Georgia in negative ways, as she has to visit several different doctors before finding one who is able to help her. We will take a look at that right after our segment, “Dumb Tips for Dumb Bitches!”

Dumb Tips for Dumb Bitches

(“Dumb tips for dumb bitches” transitional song)

Raisa: Hey, dumb bitches! The New York Times published an article in 2018 titled “When Doctors Downplay Women’s Health Concerns” by Camille Noe Pagan. Here is a “For Dummies” edition on how to ensure your health concerns are taken seriously with advice from Dr. Powell, the director of the Montefiore Einstein Center for Bioethics, a center which focuses on issues most likely to improve patient care, human subjects research, and health policy.

Erin: Tip one from Dr. Powell is to ask WHY a doctor is giving a certain recommendation and if there is a GUIDELINE for that recommendation.

Raisa: Tip two is to be DIRECT. If you are concerned about your doctor’s recommendations, please express it! A good doctor will be able to take a step back and reassess.

Erin: The third tip is to realize that only you can experience your own body. You most likely are not overreacting if you are concerned. Check your own bias!

Raisa: Finally, a tip from me. This from my own experiences of having symptoms overlooked by doctors. Always get a second, or even third, opinion!

(“Dumb tips for dumb bitches” transitional song)

Topic 2: Mental Health

Jamie: Going back to the discussion of Dumb, negative interactions with doctors can also have impacts on mental health. Georgia mentions not only anxiety, but also her struggle with disordered eating. On page 157, while shopping for food, Georgia thinks “what if my eating disorder comes back.” 

Erin: That’s such a big deal and it was surprising to see how off-handed and glossed-over that comment was! I think she included this comment to show how she has a history of mental illness and how her doctor made her so upset that she was worried about the return of her eating disorder. That’s horrible. How do you even deal with something like that? 

Linor: Well, Erin, Georgia’s memoir really emphasizes the importance of having a support system when facing pressure in your mental health. Georgia leans on her friend and vents about her struggles with her disability and finds comfort in just being able to speak to someone else about it. It ends up giving her motivation to continue illustrating her comics. Having others to relieve your mental stress can be more healing than you might think. 

Raisa: Absolutely, having a support system is invaluable. But also don’t be afraid to reach out to medical professionals about your mental health. Unfortunately, that can be a luxury sometimes and the mental health system isn’t perfect, but, if you’re able, reach out to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed. As someone that has been in the mental health system for a while, having my illness diagnosed validated my feelings. Spending time taking medication and seeing a therapist regularly will also put you on the right track to the road to better mental health. It takes time and that sucks, but don’t give up!

Jamie: If you are experiencing self-harm thoughts, issues with your appetite, or other mental health symptoms please reach out! The UF’s CWC (the Counseling and Wellness Center) offers urgent services 24/7 at 352-392-1575 as well as urgent walk-in sessions during business hours at both of their locations. 

Erin: The Center also provides semester-long treatment plans after a triage consultation. Reach out to the CWC for more information on their services! If you are feeling suicidal, you can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. That’s 1-800-273-8255.

Linor: What can we do if someone we know is suffering?

Erin: Reach out to that person! If you show them that someone is noticing their suffering and cares, they’re more likely to seek help.

Raisa: If you’re interested in more comics from Georgia Webber, especially ones about her experiences with anxiety and other mental health disorders, you can check out her short comics for free on The Hairpin. 

End of Podcast

Erin: While this story does discuss some very serious and difficult topics, it doesn’t only focus on the bad parts of disability.  There are several times throughout the narrative that Georgia highlights the positive experiences she’s had while dealing with her disability.

Linor: As we discussed previously, there are times throughout the novel where Georgia has some really positive interactions with her friends as she shares some of what she’s struggling with.  There are also points where she’s able to communicate with others without speaking that make her feel a little more secure in her situation.  The largest section of positivity is the very end of the graphic novel, illustrated almost entirely in red, where Georgia receives a free session from a vocal coach and begins to focus on caring for herself, mentally and physically.

Erin: We find that it’s really important to make aspects of this narrative positive, and especially notable that the novel ends on a positive note.  People who have disabilities should be able to see that they can find joy in spite of and even because of their disability.  For this story to end on such a positive note, and with this strong message of caring for and being gentle with yourself, is incredibly impactful, and can provide so much hope to people who may be struggling with their disability.

Raisa: Speaking of disability, we care deeply about making our podcast as accessible as possible. Please check out the rest of our podcast site where we have a transcript of the podcast in both English and Spanish as well as many visual aids. Thank you, and goodnight. 

(Ending music)

[thethew]

I’m tired and life is going quite literally down the drain so here’s the next episode of Northwood Abbey! 

But to be completely serious with you guys, shit is currently (And quite literally) hitting the fan. The next episode might not arrive for an ungodly amount of time so please just hold on tight with me? (Also this episode is a lot longer than the others so bear with me)

Episodes: 0 1 2 3

Taglist: (Remember to contact me to get on or off it) @hannahs-creations @killer-badass @theshadowsofthenight @slythekiel @lucas-writes @ohlooksheswriting @waywordwriter @hufflepuffbanana @writerproject @omicronviolet @angelotakunerd08

Episode 3: Pilot Part 3

Aspen Brielle. A strange name to be honest. How fitting that it belonged to him. The man sat down on a bench. Sipping a lukewarm cup of coffee. It hadn’t been made that way, he’d just lost track of time. His throat itched, as it always did when he hadn’t spoken for long periods of time. Not because of any medical issues or disorders, simply because his voice always wanted to be in use. You could ask him what this means, but he’d probably dance around that subject or politely decline to answer the question, so I suppose I will as well.

He was sitting near the center of the town, staring straight down the street at an old mansion. Built by the town’s founder, whom many claimed to be insane. His wife had chased after him to the house, and, being obsessed with the forms of holistic cure and remedies, had painted the whole house light blue. The result hadn’t done much, except make the lovely property age very well.

But the building had its reasons for being empty.

I imagine that if you asked the man sitting on the bench. If you looked right into his eyes, which looked more green and bright than they had any right to, said his name, though I doubt you’d remember it, and asked him why the building was empty, abandoned, desecrated, defiled, any word you wished. He would look at you, tilt his head to the side and click his teeth together, then say, Why don’t you find out for yourself?

Of course, this would be horrible advice. Why? Because the building was haunted. And to all of you out there who snicker at the idea of a haunting, laugh in the face of death and danger, and are generally just a hapless lunatic, don’t ever enter that place. You may never recover from the discoveries you find there. After all, the welcome mat doesn’t say, Weak Minds Perish Here At Northwood Manor, for no reason.

I never said it was a good welcome sign.

Aspen stood up, finished off his bitter, stale coffee, then slowly walked off through the town. The sun had barely risen into the sky, but he, like several other inhabitants of the town, was wide awake.

…

“She killed someone?” Mychael said incredulously.

Xeph nodded, a pack of dice sprawled across the table. A newspaper sat below them a mortifying headline covering the front page.

Local Bakery Owner Killed By Wild Bear, Officers And CSI Say

“It’s obviously not a bear,” Hannah continued. “The town is warded from them.”

“How do you ward off bears?”

“Simple,” Xeph replied, “You build a giant blue house with more magical energy in it than the Taj Mahal.”

Mychael didn’t quite understand the comparison or the explanation. Xeph sighed and fiddled with one of the dice for a few seconds before answering.

“Animals are sensitive to magic and its transactions and stuff like that. Bears, for some reason, are the most affected by it. We used to have a zoo, but, surprise surprise, the bears broke out and ran as far as they could. And you don’t even need to be able to do magic to feel the crazy magical energy coming off that place.”

“You mean Northwood Manor,” Mychael replied, “The place that makes everyone’s hairs stand  on end whenever they get too close?”

Hannah made a clicking noise with her teeth and did an awkward finger gun motion before turning back to whatever concoction she was making on Mychael’s stove. It smelled rather sweet. Hannah seemed to notice his interest in the boiling mess of sickly sweet smells and flavors.

“Cinnamon and orange,” She said offhandedly, “As well as a few other ingredients, helps ward off bad spirits and bring in good ones. At least I think so. I haven’t done kitchen magic in a while.”

He nodded, then turned back to the table. Xeph was stacking his dice on top of each other, making a pyramid and other various shapes. With a halfhearted sigh, he blew on the tower and it fell over, clattering onto the table. His green hair looked as if it needed some touching up, the black roots starting to show a bit. He rubbed his eyes, then leaned over the table to grab the newspaper.

“So,” Mychael said cautiously. “How does magic work?”

“A crash course from two fellow idiotas?” Xeph replied, “It doesn’t, unless you want it to.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Yeah, it does,” Hannah replied. “Magic is completed by using the force of your will, personality, intellect, whatever, to get power from the earth and her energies. It’s like convincing her to give you magic.”

She snapped her fingers and a small leaf sprouted out of a little bamboo plant Mychael had gotten for himself a week ago. It was a small feat in and of itself, but Mychael was very impressed.

“For some, it’s like a battle of wits with her as they start out casting, they have to outwit her to get energy. For others, they have to work with her and satisfy her until they get power and manifestation. Others, they have to charm her into giving them power. And some just need to ask nicely. It’s different for everyone,” Hannah explained.

“And some people use different kinds of magic, which require different sources, different techniques,” Xeph continued.

“That still makes no sense to me but okay,” Mychael replied.

Xeph suddenly tossed the newspaper back down on the table. Hannah and Mychael gave him a confused look. He ran his hand through his hair, clearly stressed.

“This,” Xeph paused, “Cabrona.”

“Isabella,” Mychael corrected.

“Morkantha,” Hannah furthered.

“No me importa,” Xeph groaned. “Tenemos que detenerla antes de que mate a más gente.”

Hannah stopped her cooking. “You’re speaking Spanish again. You know he can’t understand you.”

He sighed and placed his head on the table. He waved his hand in the air and said, “¿Tu punto?”

“You speak Spanish?” Mychael asked.

Xeph glanced up at him and sighed, then laid his head back down on the table. He stared out the window for a second, then got up and walked over to the pantry, probably to look for more of Mychael’s food.

“Yeah, My mom and dad came up from Puerto Rico and Colombia. I grew up learning how to cook enchiladas the correct way, without store-bought sauce-” He said this as he pulled a can of Mychael’s off-brand sauce out of the pantry. He set the offending can carefully on the stovetop- “And the whole religion and chancleta and everything or whatever you want me to say.”

Xeph gave up on finding anything in the pantry and instead turned and leaned against the wall. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. The bandage around his arm seemed to need a replacement.

“So,” Mychael tried to move past the awkward hitch in the conversation. “What kinds of magic are there?”

“Well,” Hannah replied, halting her stirring for a few moments, “There’s a lot, but to start out, I would say sigils.”

“Why sigils?” Mychael inquired.

“The ones you make on your own are less likely to kill you,” Xeph replied.

“That’s reassuring,” Mychael replied, completely the opposite of reassured.

“And also,” Hannah replied, aiming a kick at Xeph’s shin. “They require the least amount of energy. And when the energy transit is small or near non-existent, the better chance you have of your spells manifesting.”

“And what about Isa- Morkantha?” Mychael changed the subject.

“I have my suspicions,” Xeph said. He walked over to the table a pulled a briefcase out from under the table. Mychael blinked, not having seen the object a few seconds earlier. The case had a piece of masking tape across it with Morkantha’s name written across it in sharpie.

“We’ve,” he paused, “triangulated where we think we might be from where you two first met, the most frequent sightings of her, and the bakery guy. We think she’s in Northwood Manor.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Mychael replied.

…

Northwood Manor looked hauntingly beautiful at all times of the day. Even the beating afternoon sun and a few hundred years could not take away any of its splendor. But just looking at the building sent shivers up your spine. It made your palms sweaty and your throat itch. Just thinking about what might hide in those abandoned halls made you hesitant to enter. Even the dry, two-foot-tall grass that grew around and through the porch seemed to crackle with magical or supernatural energy that warned of what was lying in wait.

However, the group did not have the luck of entering the old house in bright midday. Rather, they had the misfortune of entering the building in the middle of the night. Under the cover of darkness, the building did indeed lose its cheery blue color, which, during the day, was the only thing keeping it from looking as menacing as it was now. Mychael’s breath started to hitch as he got closer to the building. The energy from it pulsed through them, making the hairs on the backs of their neck stand up. Their hearts raced, and their palms became clammy. Xeph muttered a few prayers under his breath in Spanish, and Hannah swatted him on the shoulder.

“Calm down,” she said. “It’s just a demon.”

“Just a demon,” Mychael replied.

“Just a demon.” Xeph chuckled nervously to himself, “Cabrona eso es lo que me da miedo.”

The briefcase banged against Mychael’s hip and he winced in pain. Hannah shushed him. Xeph looked ready to heave his lunch on the ground. Mychael readjusted the case and continued to sneak through the grass to the stair leading up to the porch.

“Tell me why we brought this thing again?” Mychael hissed over his shoulder.

“Insurance,” Hannah replied, “Demons and other supernatural beings don’t like it when too much information about them is gathered in one place. They can feel it. Like when you’re all alone and you feel like someone’s watching you? That level of uncomfortable. It makes them really angry.”

“Cool,” Mychael said, then quieter, “Then why did we do that?”

Xeph answered that last part, probably without realizing it, “Some people do it to blackmail a demon into doing things for them, others do it to create a beacon to lead the demon to them. That’s what we’re doing.”

“Fantastic,” Mychael grumbled.

The door creaked open a little too loudly. The group began to enter, and a loud crack sounded as Xeph’s foot broke through the wood of the porch. Silence fell upon them as Xeph muttered quiet prayers in rapid-fire Spanish. He slowly pulled his foot out of the whole and let out a relieved sigh as nothing happened.

“What are you so scared of?” Mychael joked.

“Old houses,” Xeph replied, “Old curses, old spirits.”

The inside of the house was even stranger than the outside. White cloth hung over all of the furniture, and Mycheal heard a crunch under his foot as he accidentally stepped on an old mothball. Xeph leant down and grabbed another one off the ground.

“This should be used up by now,” He mused.

“Probably the last person who lived here,” Hannah speculated.

“You mean the hair salon lady?” Mychael asked.

“No,” Xeph said, taking the case out of Mychael’s hands, “She was a distant relative, inherited the property from whoever had the bad luck of taking care of it at that time. She was in town for one month, vanished. Found her the next week belly up in a pond.”

Hannah slapped Xeph’s shoulder. He ignored the action and continued to fiddle with the briefcase. After a few moments, he stopped. He glanced down the hall and then walked down it. The other two followed him through the old and creaky house, ignoring the paintings on the wall of increasingly mad and sleepless people, all of the former owners of the house.

The hall opened up into a small ballroom. A large window spanned from the floor to the ceiling. A small record player sat in the corner with a few pieces of vinyl shattered on the ground around it. A gust of wind blew through the house, knocking over a flowerpot that had been inconveniently placed.

Xeph set the briefcase down on the ground and started muttering over it. A bright green sigil hummed to life on the back, then it flickered out and vanished. A small pile of dust fell onto the ground from where it had been.

“Now she’ll feel it,” Xeph said.

After a few moments of silent glances back and forth, Hannah turned to face Mychael. She seemed to have lost her happy go lucky demeanor.

“Do you have the book?” She asked, deathly serious.

Mychael nodded. She turned to Xeph.

“Open it,” She commanded.

Xeph took a deep breath, and his shaking fingers slowly undid the latches on the case. He flipped open the case and a rush of air flew past the group. The plant that had fallen to the floor earlier shriveled up and died. The old house creaked violently. The mothballs around the room melted up and vanished as pretty much everything alive in the room began to die except for the group. Even the papers inside the case seemed to crumple up, and the leather seemed to age several more years. Rust crawled across all the metal objects in the room, until the phenomena stopped a few seconds later.

“I heard you calling,” a voice rasped from above.

Morkantha’s shape had further shifted away from human now. Her pink hair was wild and had turned into more of a fur, sprouting from around her neck like a mane. Her fingers elongated into powerful claws and a tail with a sharp spike had sprouted from behind her. Her hind legs looked more like a lion’s than anything else. Her eyes were pitch black with little pinpricks of purple light in the middle. Her skin had changed color, with patches of purple, pink, blue. Overall, she looked like an oversized reptilian lion.

Not to mention the fact she had grown a few feet.

With the speed and agility of a cat, she landed on the floor of the ballroom, towering over the group. Mychael held the purple leather bound book up as a precaution as Morkantha continued to stalk closer.

“The Lady in Red has been waiting for you,” she purred.

Hannah frowned, but Mychael seemed terrified. He’d been able to hide it the other night when Hannah had mentioned the name, but hearing from the demon in front of him only made it worse.

“Don’t you miss her,” Morkantha interrogated, “And what you could do together?”

“Stop it,” Mychael shouted.

“Xeph, knock her out,” Hannah demanded.

Xeph closed his eyes and held his fingers up to his temples. A faint green light weaved around him. With a flick of her long tail, Morkantha pulled Xeph away from the group and dangled him up in the air. He shouted in pain as Morkantha’s tail wrapped around his body and squeezed.

“Not this time, little rapture,” Morkantha hissed.

“Mychael, keep the book up,” Hannah shouted.

“This was a stupid idea,” Mychael screamed.

Xeph groaned in pain as Morkanthat squeezed tighter. The action drew silence from the other two.

“Thank you,” Morkantha sighed. “The Lady wants that one-” she pointed at Mychael- “Alive. No tricks, no catch. Just hand him over.”

“You think that I’m just going to hand over someone I met like,” Hannah paused, “Three days ago?”

Morkantha opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Mychael’s phone in his pocket. Everyone stared at him, incredulous. He scrambled to grab it and answer as soon as possible.

“Hello?”

“Hi Mychael, it’s your manager, Kathy? I noticed you didn’t come in for work today, are you okay?”

“Uh,” He glanced around the room, “No, I dropped one of my...” he continued to frantically search the room, “Vintage records on my feet and it broke and now I’m bleeding all over the place.”

“Oh my gosh,” Kathy replied, “Are you okay? I can head over and get you to the emergency room.”

“No, no,” Mychael laughed nervously, “That’s not-”

His phone slipped from his hand as Morkantha plucked it from between his fingers. Mychael made a sound of protest as the demon crushed the device with her claws. Morkantha turned around to face them and growled threateningly, a small orb of light on her chest pulsating vibrantly. Mychael stared up at her black eyes

A voice in the back of his mind directed his gaze back down to the light coming out of Morkantha’s chest.

“How nice to see you again Mr. Harmeyer,” The Lady In Red crooned, “Shall we finish this?”

He turned to the shards of old vintage records in the corner of the room. Morkantha followed his gaze and growled. Within a second, the two were bounding across the room. As Mychael reached out for a piece of the broken vinyl, morkantha slammed her hand into his back and he flew into the wall. He spun around, a few shattered records cutting into his leg. The demon towered over him and pulled back her arm to swing again.

A flash of green light swirled around her and straight into her eyes. She spun around wildly, writhing in pain. Xeph was tossed across the room, straight into the opposite wall. Hanna ran after him. Morkantha screamed and flopped around. Xeph slammed into the wall, his consciousness slipping out of his grasp.

And Mychael? The world slowed as his fingers wrapped around something that wasn’t a shard of vinyl, wasn’t a piece of wood, wasn’t a knife. Something that had never been there before. Morkantha turned towards him, blinded and furious. Mychael rose up his arm and plunged a blade of pure white energy into the orb of light inside her chest.

The world moved faster after that. Morkantha collapsed, white light crackling and licking flames across her body. Energy pulsed through Mychael’s fingertips, and the power of The Lady In Red left him. He collapsed on the ground, his vision fading fast.

The last thing he saw, was a man with long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, an aviator jacket, and tan converse snap the briefcase closed. He stood slowly and turned to face Mychael. And as he became closer and closer to unconsciousness, Aspen Brielle’s almost too green eyes seemed to swirl and fold in on themselves.

And with that, the man was gone.

In fact, he’d never been there. The briefcase and it’s contents had been destroyed in the battle, burnt up in the flames from Mychael’s powerful attack. Morkantha’s body had been burnt up in the climax of the battle.

And Aspen Brielle did not exist.

[artthetransguy]

‼️ You do NOT need dysphoria to be trans‼️

Starting off I should say I'm a binary trans person, I have dysphoria, I've been out for 6-7 years I think, I am medically transitioning (been on T over 3 years and almost 7 months post op top surgery), and I used to identify as a truscum and transmed. I'm going to rebut the common arguments that truscum, transmeds, terfs, and transphobes make. I will also attempt to answer questions others have (I originally posted this on Facebook and some of my friends had questions). I will mostly be arguing by citing information, but I will also tell my thoughts and opinions, as well as personal experience. 😡Arguments truscum/transmeds, terfs, & transphobes make😡 ⭕️"You need dysphoria to be trans". Not true. So first off, what is dysphoria? The medical definition of dysphoria defined by Merriam-Webster is "a state of feeling unwell or unhappy"(https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dysphoria). Anyone can have dysphoria, even cisgender people, so this argument makes no sense. Does this mean that cis people who have dysphoria (which they can and do experience) are trans? no of course not. Why? because that's not what being trans means. I do realize that trans people will shorten 'gender dysphoria' to just 'dysphoria' like when they say "my dysphoria is really bad today" you know they are (usually) talking about gender dysphoria. What else is wrong with this argument? When I rebut this argument (which I do a lot) I usually say: 💬"how do you know?", I get responses such as "It's common sense", "you're so stupid/a dumbass", "it's science", but they can never, and have never provided a (reputable) source that says this. (I say reputable because I have gotten, and I'm paraphrasing, "my 20 year old friend who is about to get top surgery and has been on T for years says you need it" to which I replied "I'm also 20 and just had top surgery a few months ago and have been on T for over 3 years. Does that make me credible?" He didn't think so). 💬"What kind of dysphoria?" They then may say "you need some kind of dysphoria" or "you can't like *insert body parts here* and be trans". Well, what about the people who have finished their transition and no longer have dysphoria? are they still trans? Not all people will have dysphoria about the same parts. Some trans people have hair dysphoria, voice dysphoria, chest dysphoria, bottom dysphoria, social dysphoria, and the list goes on. ⭕️"Trans is short for transitioning so if you don't (medically/physically) transition, you aren't trans". No, it is not. Trans is short for transgender, not every trans person can or wants to transition. They may not transition for medical reasons, safety reasons, or they just don't want to. ⭕️"Having dysphoria doesn't mean you hate yourself/you have to suffer" This argument before made sense to me because I was misinformed about what gender dysphoria was, as are many others. What is gender dysphoria? The medical definition of gender dysphoria defined by Merriam-Webster is "a distressed state arising from conflict between a person's gender identity and the sex the person has or was identified as having at birth 'A significant incongruence between gender identity and physical phenotype is known as gender identity disorder; the experience of this state, termed gender dysphoria, is a source of chronic suffering'. — Louis J. Gooren, The New England Journal of Medicine, 31 Mar. 2011"(https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictiona…/gender%20dysphoria). Another important point in this is the "a distressed state" in that definition. Distress is defined by Merriam Webster as "pain or suffering affecting the body, a bodily part, or the mind...a painful situation...state of danger or desperate need"(https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/distress#synonyms). Seeing this definition and knowing what these words mean, we know that gender dysphoria is quite literally defined as pain and suffering. ⭕️"Being trans literally is the definition of dysphoria" Well, we already got the definition of dysphoria out of the way. No, it is not the definition of dysphoria. The APA (American Psychological Association) says "Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth". (https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.aspx). ⭕️"You need gender dysphoria to be trans" So now knowing that being transgender just means that your gender and sex aren't the same, and knowing what gender dysphoria is, we could say that we know this isn't true. But don't take my word for it, let's hear it from the experts: ☑️"Not all transgender people suffer from gender dysphoria and that distinction is important to keep in mind. Gender dysphoria and/or coming out as transgender can occur at any age"(https://www.psychiatry.org/…/gender-dysphoria/expert-q-and-a). ☑️"It is important to note that not all gender diverse people experience gender dysphoria"(https://gic.nhs.uk/info-support/gender-dysphoria/). ☑️"For some transgender people, the difference between the gender they are thought to be at birth and the gender they know themselves to be can lead to serious emotional distress that affects their health and everyday lives if not addressed. Gender dysphoria is the medical diagnosis for someone who experiences this distress. Not all transgender people have gender dysphoria. On its own, being transgender is not considered a medical condition. Many transgender people do not experience serious anxiety or stress associated with the difference between their gender identity and their gender of birth, and so may not have gender dysphoria"(https://transequality.org/…/frequently-asked-questions-abou…). ☑️" Many, but not all transgender people experience gender dysphoria at some point in their lives"(https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/…/Understanding-and-Add…). ☑️" Do all transgender people have gender dysphoria? No they do not, because not every transgender person experiences the distress associated with gender dysphoria"(https://www.lambdalegal.org/…/article/trans-related-care-faq). ☑️"Gender dysphoria refers to distress that 'some' TGNC [transgender and gender nonconforming] individuals may experience at some point in their lives as a result of incongruence between their gender identity and birth sex, which may include discomfort with gender role and primary and secondary sex characteristics. Gender dysphoria is a diagnosis in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition. However, transgender is an identity, not a disorder, and the diagnosis is only applicable when TGNC people experience distress or impaired social / occupational functioning as a result of the incongruence"(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4809047/#R15). ⭕️"Being transgender is a mental illness" This argument is used both by people who try to say that a trans person is delusional and therefore their identity isn't valid, and by trans people who don't want to de-medicalize transgender identity. We know this argument is not true from some of the other points I've made. Being transgender isn't a mental illness, not even gender dysphoria is considered one. "Gender dysphoria is a recognized medical condition, for which treatment is sometimes appropriate. It's not a mental illness"(https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/). Also "The World Health Organization will no longer classify being transgender as a mental health disorder, the public health agency announced Monday.

Transgender and genderqueer identities, which WHO refers to as “gender incongruence,” are in a section about sexual health conditions in a newly updated version of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD)"(https://www.huffingtonpost.com/…/being-transgender-no-longe…). ⭕️"There are only 2 genders" When people say this they usually mean sex, but even then it is untrue. Both sex and gender are on a spectrum and aren't binary. "Sex is a determination made through the application of socially agreed upon biological criteria for classifying persons as females and males. The criteria for classification can be genitalia at birth or chromosomal typing before birth, and they do not necessarily agree with one another"(https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0891243287001002002). The binary classifications of male and female leaves out everyone who does not fit into these categories because of genital makeup, secondary sex characteristics, chromosomes, or hormone levels. When people say that there is only male and female, they forget that intersex people exist. A good read that I'd recommend that I read for school is "The Five Sexes: Why Male and Female Are Not Enough" by Anne Fausto-Sterling. In it, Anne says "Western culture is deeply committed to the idea that there are only two sexes. Even language refuses other possibilities; thus to write about Levi Suydam I have had to invent conventions-- s/he and his/her-- to denote someone who is clearly neither male nor female or who is perhaps both sexes at once. Legally, too, every adult is either man or woman, and the difference, of course, is not trivial. For Suydam it meant the franchise; today it means being available for, or exempt from, draft registration, as well as being subject, in various ways, to a number of laws governing marriage, the family and human intimacy. In many parts of the United States, for instance, two people legally registered as men cannot have sexual relations without violating anti-sodomy statutes. But if the state and the legal system have an interest in maintaining a two-party sexual system, they are in defiance of nature. For biologically speaking, there are many gradations running from female to male; and depending on how one calls the shots, one can argue that along that spectrum lie at least five sexes-- and perhaps even more"(http://capone.mtsu.edu/phollowa/5sexes.html). Another thing is that gender is a social construct, which I know is said a lot and is misunderstood. Pretty much everything has been socially constructed, so what is a social construct? "Social constructs or social constructions define meanings, notions, or connotations that are assigned to objects and events in the environment and to people’s notions of their relationships to and interactions with these objects. In the domain of social constructionist thought, a social construct is an idea or notion that appears to be natural and obvious to people who accept it but may or may not represent reality, so it remains largely an invention or artifice of a given society". So how is gender a social construct? The page goes on to say "Gender, which represents ways of talking, describing, or perceiving men and women, is also a socially constructed entity. Generally distinguished from sex (which is biological), notions of gender represent attempts by society, through the socialization process, to construct masculine or feminine identities and corresponding masculine or feminine gender roles for a child based on physical appearance and genitalia".(https://www.encyclopedia.com/…/socio…/social-constructionism). ⭕️"Non-binary doesn't exist because there is only male and female" Well for one, tell that to all the non-binary people. But no this is not correct. As we know, sex and gender are not binary so this identity makes sense. And also, whether or not you believe in them, they will continue to exist. ⭕️"You're a transtrender" People say a transtrender is someone who isn't "actually" trans, and just uses the label or pretends to be trans because its cool, or because they want attention. This is an argument made by transphobic people, including truscum and transmeds. People usually call others this for many reasons like: disagreeing with them, not fitting into their gendered stereotypes, not passing, not having dysphoria, not being the ideal trans person, they are experimenting with gender and gender expression, and/or being non-binary. Non-binary people are a big target of this argument. Heres the thing about this argument, no one thinks its cool or fun to be seen as trans in the sense that we are marginalized, are attacked, are killed, and so on. Also, Not every trans person is the same and wants to conform to gender norms. I'd also like to add that I get this comment a lot, despite being a binary trans person with dysphoria. They use it as a way to immediately discredit you and don't even know who you are. ⭕️"You're/you were just pretending to be trans" This is very similar to the last point but I wanted to go into more detail about this one. Some people may transition and then detransition for whatever reason (I'll go into this later). I know a few people had identified as trans and used a few different names and wanted to go by different pronouns then found out it wasn't who they were. Does this mean that they were faking it or pretending for fun? No, of course not. They thought they were trans and experimented and found out that they weren't. People should be able to experiment with their gender without getting accused of pretending to be trans. Most, if not all trans people go through an experimentation stage where they cut or grow out their hair, wear different clothes, go by a different name and pronouns, and so on. If we never went through an experimentation stage, how would we have known that we were trans? ⭕️"Most trans people detransition afterwords so you are going to regret this" This is usually said by cisgender transphobic people when trans people go on hormones or get surgeries. But what is the reality? "Surgical regret is actually very uncommon. Virtually every modern study puts it below 4 percent, and most estimate it to be between 1 and 2 percent (Cohen-Kettenis & Pfafflin 2003, Kuiper & Cohen-Kettenis 1998, Pfafflin & Junge 1998, Smith 2005, Dhejne 2014). In some other recent longitudinal studies, none of the subjects expressed regret over medically transitioning (Krege et al. 2001, De Cuypere et al. 2006). These findings make sense given the consistent findings that access to medical care improves quality of life along many axes, including sexual functioning, self-esteem, body image, socioeconomic adjustment, family life, relationships, psychological status and general life satisfaction. This is supported by the numerous studies (Murad 2010, De Cuypere 2006, Kuiper 1988, Gorton 2011, Clements-Nolle 2006) that also consistently show that access to GCS reduces suicidality by a factor of three to six (between 67 percent and 84 percent)... When asked about regrets, only 2 percent of respondents in a survey of transgender people in the UK had major regrets regarding the physical changes they had made, compared with 65 percent of non-transgender people in the UK who have had plastic surgery"(https://www.huffingtonpost.com/…/myths-about-transition-reg…). ⭕️"If you don't have dysphoria, how would you even know you're trans?" You can know that you are trans because you have a disconnect with your body which is called gender incongruence. "Gender incongruence is characterized by a marked and persistent incongruence between an individual’s experienced gender and the assigned sex"(https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en…). So it could be argued that gender incongruence is like gender dysphoria with presentations similar to the DSM-V definition, but does not require significant distress or impairment. There is also something called gender euphoria, which is the opposite of gender dysphoria. "That is, euphoria or happiness upon being correctly gendered, upon naming their identity, and being validated and recognized as their authentic self"(https://everydayfeminism.com/…/these-5-myths-about-body-dy…/). ⭕️"If you don't have dysphoria that means you are comfortable in your body, ok with being your agab (assigned gender at birth) and those pronouns, and ok with dressing as your agab so you aren't trans" This is not true either. Just because someone doesn't have dysphoria, that doesn't mean they are comfortable with their agab. Like I said before, trans people have a disconnect with their body, the same goes for non-dysphoric trans people. They have a disconnect but do not have distress, or pain and suffering, because of the disconnect. ⭕️"What if you don't REALIZE it's dysphoria? What if you thought EVERYBODY felt like you?" I see people making this argument like, "they just don't know what they are feeling is dysphoria". People know themselves better than anyone else. Also, if you are not a therapist or anything like that, you do not get diagnose someone else. This could also just be a genuine question. Some people (like myself) didn't know what transgender or dysphoria was and some still may not. I didn't know what being trans meant and I didn't know that what I was struggling with was dysphoria. For me personally, I thought I was struggling alone for the longest time. ⭕️"Non-dysphorics, non-binary, people who don't use he/him or she/her pronouns make the community look bad and make everyone hate the trans community more." The people who hate trans people will hate us regardless of if we have dysphoria, are non-binary, use different pronouns that aren't common, and so on. Why not learn about those in your community (or learn about those in the community if you are not in it) instead of bullying and attacking those you don't understand and siding with transphopic people. ⭕️Fake trans people are taking resources away from 'real' trans people (like hormones, dr. appointments, surgeries, therapy, etc.)" If this is true, why be mad at the "fake trans" people and instead be mad at the gatekeepers, be mad because there is a shortage of doctors that treat trans patients (very few doctors that would take me around here but I have had one for a while now so its good), and be mad at the lack of education doctors, nurses, therapists, and so on, have on trans people. It isn't other trans peoples fault we have to fight to get our resources, it's the world we live in where we are marginalized and oppressed. (Important to note that I am not talking about myself here. The transphobia, marginalization, and oppression I have endured cannot be compared to that of trans women, black and other poc trans people, non-binary people, and places where it is illegal or punished by death to be trans/queer in. I have a lot of privilige here and I know this). 🙂Other questions or comments🙂 🔶"Are there degrees of dysphoria? Like, "you have to have dysphoria about 35% of your body to make it into 'Transgender Circle'?" Yes, not all trans people have the same or the same amount of dysphoria. Some say its like waves where one day they feel really good and other days dysphoria is really bad. Some peoples dysphoria is much worse than others, but as long as it is distressing, it is still dysphoria. Every exclusionist is different. Some say "you just need some type of dysphoria" and others say "you need to have chest, bottom, social, etc. dysphoria to be trans". But the truth is, neither is true. 🔶"What is the difference between BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder) and (GD) gender dysphoria?" BDD is "a pathological preoccupation with an imagined or slight physical defect of one’s body to the point of causing significant stress or behavioral impairment in several areas (as work and personal relationships)"(https://www.apa.org/…/und…/ptacc/body-dysmorphic-traynor.pdf). GD is "a distressed state arising from conflict between a person's gender identity and the sex the person has or was identified as having at birth 'A significant incongruence between gender identity and physical phenotype is known as gender identity disorder; the experience of this state, termed gender dysphoria, is a source of chronic suffering'. — Louis J. Gooren, The New England Journal of Medicine, 31 Mar. 2011"(https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictiona…/gender%20dysphoria). (I am not a medical professional but I will try to explain this) BDD and GD are very similar because they are both distressing and about the body, but there are differences. BDD is where your perception of your body is not the reality, where in GD you know what your body looks like and it doesn't match your gender identity. BDD is also compared to OCD. "The intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors exhibited in BDD are similar to the obsessions and compulsions of OCD. BDD is distinguished from OCD when the preoccupations or repetitive behaviors focus specifically on appearance"(https://adaa.org/…/other-relat…/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd). 🔶"Why doesn’t it harm the community to include people who experience euphoria instead of/not only dysphoria?" People say "having non-dysphorics and non-binary people makes the trans community look like a joke" but these people aren't going away and they are supported by the science. As I've said before, the people who hate trans people will hate us whether we have dysphoria or not. Bullying the trans people you don't understand won't change anything in regards to trans rights. What do you do when you encounter bullying? If someone is bullied for how they look, their skin, their hair, or their religion, should they change themselves? The easiest way would be to say yes but that isn't how things change. We need people to know that some people are different and that is ok and they deserve to be respected just like everyone else. If you are going to argue the "fake trans take away resources" I rebutted that argument earlier. 🔶"Why do people insist that you need dysphoria to be trans?" This is an interesting one because I used to be a truscum/transmed. But before I dive into this I first want to preface this by asking Well why do people believe things are true when we know they are demonstrably false? Look at flat-earthers for example (hang in here with me). They can't comprehend how the earth can be round, despite the demonstrable evidence that shows us the earth is round. They believe it because it makes more sense to them. They make arguments where they say the evidence is for a globular earth is fake and also argue things that they experience like "I don't feel the earth spinning" or "the horizon looks flat to me" or "we can't see gravity so it doesn't exist". They can't conceptualize the things they don't experience in their life. People are afraid that the de-medicalization of trans people will result in medical professionals taking away hormones and surgeries. It may also be the case that they know this is true but ignore the evidence because they think the de-medicalization of trans people will make it so we can no longer get hormone treatment or surgeries. I can tell you right now that the people of the ICD, APA, DSM, and WHO are not gonna let that happen. Gender dysphoria is a medical condition that is treated with hormone therapy and gcs (gender confirmation surgery). Gender dysphoria is distressing and that is certain, medical and psychological experts know this and aren't going to take it away. People may become afraid or offended because hearing "you don't need dysphoria to be trans" goes against what they have known to be true for so long. For me personally when I was a truscum/transmed I was young, I just found out what trans was, and "you need dysphoria" made the most sense to me because gender dysphoria was how I knew I was trans. I followed truscum/transmed blogs and youtube channels and I never questioned it really. I really only changed after I started taking science classes at college and learned what scientific papers were, and also, the biggest reason I changed was because things started coming out saying "trans isn't a mental disorder" which I thought it was. After I got out of the truscum/transmed community, only then did I realize how toxic it was. I hurt so many with my words and I was spreading false information solely based on my beliefs. The truscum/transmed community The truscum/transmed community is filled with people saying things like "I just don't understand *blank*" or "How could you be trans when *blank*" and these are as a way to say "your identity is confusing to me so I'm making fun of it". A lot of the scum/med arguments are questions where people "don't understand" which is the first step to learning. If you don't understand something, look it up or ask a trans person (with their approval of course). Asking non-dysphoric trans people is how I was able to comprehend how non-dysphoric people felt. I was able to ask and I always treated them with respect and got respect in return. If you sincerely ask people instead of making fun of them, you might get the answers you need to understand. Important note, many trans people are tired of having to explain to others why they exist so if you ask and you are confronted with hostility that is probably why, and it is completely understandable. I'd be angry too if everyone constantly invalidated me, attacked me, told me I'm a faker, and said my gender doesn't exist. I know I went on a tangent here but I feel this is important also. ❤️I am willing to answer questions if you have any. Share this if you would like. Also, feel free to use this post for your own arguments❤️

[theramblingonesie]

Facing Our Making, Part 3: Makeup and Gender

Welcome to Part 3 of my makeup blog series! This week we’re going to poke at gender and makeup. But before I begin, let’s review parts 1 & 2, and check in about where we’re at:

1. Beauty standards are impossibly harsh and cause a lot of unnecessary pain.

2. Let womxn decide what they want to do with their own damn bodies and stay out of it. Unless they hire you for a consultation.

3. Wearing makeup is awesome

4. Not wearing makeup is awesome

5. Your gender presentation and basically any presentation of your body and behavior do not determine who you are and aren’t attracted to sexually. And no one is the (*^*^%^$#%$#&*&^&%% authority to determine that for you. If they try, remember that they’re judging and labeling you in relation to their own internal gender/sexuality struggles. More on this in today’s blog below.

6. How toxic masculinity ruins the day in relationship to makeup or not makeup needs to die, and YES womxn also support and host this behavior (internalized misogyny). Just because a person has a vagina or presents as femme does not mean they are exempt.

7. Womxn who wear makeup are not whores unless they are, in fact, professional whores. Professional whores keep the world turning, and bless em for it. The problem isn’t sex work. It’s violence against sex workers. Consider your complicity.  

8. Womxn are reclaiming the hell out of the word “Slut”, so don’t get caught being a dumb idiot who uses the outdated, violent, misogynist definition. 1000 years vagina dentata upon your entire household.

9. If you want sexual attention because you enjoy sex, then FUCK YEAH GIT IT!!!

10. “Pretty girls are dumb” is a myth that our society desperately seeks to nurture and maintain. This is rooted in dominance, power, control, and whorephobia. Stop it.

11. “Ugly girls are smart” makes no damn sense. Okay, yes I can see the backwards logic, but also if you listen to flat-earthers long enough you could even be like, “ok, I see where you’re coming from with that”.  

It is not lost on me that certain beauty trends and habits can trigger and enable body image problems, ranging in severity. After attending a panel discussion that featured a speaker from Media Girls Boston, I learned that girls as young as 9 are learning that they essentially need to brand themselves through social media so that they can merely exist. Saying this is a problem is an understatement.

I support makeup and rituals of adornment. I support a lot of things that, if used improperly with dangerous motivations, can result in severe consequences.

Understand that there’s a lot of nuance in subjects like this, and utilize your critical thinking brain when exploring such topics. Continue your personal research if you’re curious about any subcategory in this series that I have not addressed.

If issues of beauty standards and pressure are uncomfortable or triggering for you, or if you or a loved one believe they may be suffering from a body-image related disorder, please know you are not alone, and there are people out there who are ready and available to support you through this. Links and hotline numbers are available in the resource section at the end of this blog. -------------------------------------------------------------

“If we are all members of one body, then in that one body there is neither male nor female; or rather there is both: it is an androgynous or hermaphroditic body, containing both sexes [...] The division of the one man into two sexes is part of [our] fall.” --Norman O. Brown, in Love’s Body, 1966

Okay! Let’s talk about this super important element of the art and ritual of beauty:

Gender!

To Marie Kondo this: This subject does not bring me joy, and I do not want to write about it, but I feel that I have a responsibility to not play floor-is-lava about it. It does not even bring me the type of righteous rage that fuels me to furiously complete a post. It fills me with doubt, insecurity, self loathing, trust issues, and a desire to disappear.

I need to say this because I know I am not alone in my feelings and experience. But I will keep it very brief because I’d like to move on.

I have experienced a lifetime of pain from the bullshit pressure the heteropatriarchy puts on female bodies. I never anticipated the heartache I would experience as a result of being judged and denied by fellow queers.

I am too butch, too unfeminine to be accepted as the right kind of woman in heteropatriarchal society. I make men question their sexuality, and I am the one made to suffer for it. I am too feminine for queers to believe and accept me when I tell them I’m genderfluid (which I have been, quietly and privately, my entire life). I am not feminine enough to be femme.

Too much woman. Not enough woman. Not woman. Not human. Once again, my body and my soul are everyone else’s to judge, determine, and own. Not mine. 

And no one wants to listen when we say the world hates women.

I highly suggest looking up the toxic concept of femme invisibility in queer communities. You can start by reading this great article by Bust:

https://www.bustle.com/articles/166081-what-does-femme-mean-the-difference-between-being-femme-being-feminine.

For the record, I still use she/her pronouns. I stand by my allegiance to the fullness and diversity of womxnhood in a deeply ferocious way. My reasoning for that is both very simple and very complicated. So I guess that just makes it very complicated. Ask me how.

Mood.

Anyway, makeup.

About a month ago, I had wrapped a film shoot with some friends who flew up from Mexico. It was an incredible weekend that filled me up with so much bliss. On the drive back to Boston, I was chatting with my beloved friends and fellow Scarlet Tongue artists, Creature and Cass, about how much I enjoy the company of Mexican men. A large part of that is because it is refreshing to be around men who so easily embrace and express feminine qualities of articulating their emotions, accessing their emotions, gentleness and nurturing. Creature presented the important argument that such qualities don’t need to be classified as feminine or masculine; they’re simply personality and behavioral traits that anybody can have.

Such a point is absolutely crucial in untangling the oppressive nature of the gender binary.

Exercise:

The following traits have been classically designated as “masculine” or “feminine” behavior, but I’ve jumbled them together in the list below. Which traits do you believe belong to whom?

Reserved Warm Sensitive Utilitarian Deferential Apprehensive Reactive Emotionally Stable Serious Lively Socially bold Shy Rule-conscious Expedient Private Perfectionism Anxiety Group-oriented Self-reliant Tolerates disorder Vigilance Extraversion Traditional Grounded Agreeableness Neuroticism Excitement-seeking Attraction to aesthetics

Answer:

Hahahahah, I’m not going to give you the answer. It doesn’t matter.

Yes, hormones do impact some behavior. And YES, how we’re socially conditioned impacts which traits are more dominant. But the point is, there is an imaginary line between the two categories. The saddest reality is that, even though any human is capable of any of these traits on the list, society has determined that consequence and punishment must befall anyone who strays from their category. An enforced gender binary is dangerous.

Enter makeup.

Makeup has served infinite purposes throughout the course of history. It’s an incredible vehicle for expression, as well as radical social and political rebellion. Makeup has shaped entire movements of art, social justice, philosophy, and construction/deconstruction of body politics.

Your lipstick is more than patriarchal pigment in a tube. It is a tool for revolution.

Most people assume that makeup is only for clowns and cisgender women, and anyone else who uses it is simply a deviant who has “stolen” it.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Nononononononono

This probably won’t come as a shock to most of you, but yes-- Christianity also temporarily ruined makeup. Once upon a time, it was quite normal for men to wear makeup. Then the Jesus toe-suckers made up a whole bunch of arbitrary rules about what we currently observe masculinity and femininity to be, and here we are in this stinky pile of crap rules. 

I highly recommend reading this article to learn a tiny bit more of the history of men and makeup:

https://www.byrdie.com/history-makeup-gender

Who wears makeup and how people wear makeup has shifted so much throughout history, and the struggles we experience around this today have only been relevant for a hundred years or so. One of the most common forms of rebellion we hear of is when women reject traditional femininity. Whether “burning our bras”, shaving our heads, or growing out our armpit hair, this is not an uncommon experience for a lot of women. The scandal!! The pet has escaped her cage!! So many women I know have experienced an anti-femininity phase at least once in their lives. Sometimes this “phase” transitions into a permanent rejection of gender norms, but it really varies from person to person. Often it’s set off by an overwhelming awareness of how much women are defined by superficial characteristics, traditionally determined and enforced by men. So we attempt to take ourselves out of the system by wearing neutral and aggressive clothing, switching up which parts of our bodies are hairy and which aren’t, and avoiding anything “girlie”. Revisiting my conversation with Aepril, my high-glam friend who inspired this blog and was mentioned in Part 1, she made a good point about honoring such an experience: “I went through a miserable phase in my feminist youth where I thought I was being uber feminist by not shaving or wearing makeup or wearing heels, etc, because to do so was giving into the patriarchy. I was miserable of course. It took my drag queen friends to wake me up to that, as I realized that they were willing to give up family, social status...their safety and even their lives for the privilege of expressing themselves in a glamorous, feminine way. While I had that privilege because I was born in a female body. I might be criticised by both men and women, but I wouldn’t be beaten in the street for transgressing gender roles. I realized how much it meant to me through seeing how much it meant to them. Why should I give that up either? Why should anyone have to?” In Aepril’s situation, she found that her place of authenticity was through femininity. In a world that is so divided between the shoulds and should-nots of who we’re supposed to be, I find it important to squeeze ourselves through and experience all sides so we can settle on what’s true for us. Then it’s no longer conformity; it’s an outlet.

In the 20th and 21st centuries, the use of makeup norms has been subverted to amplify voices that demand human rights and fair treatment. Its application has been largely linked to LGBTQ+ visibility and gay rights movements. The anti-Vietnam movement in the late 60s and 70s utilized makeup to display over-feminization and homosexuality as a way to avoid being drafted. The glam rock movement gave us icons like David Bowie, exposing and exploding restrictive gender norms through outrageous clothing and makeup, utilizing pop culture to spread ideas and acceptance of androgyny. “Female impersonation” has origins dating back to the 19th century in Europe, and the art of Drag Queens & Kings is alive and well today, celebrating, mocking, questioning, and expanding gender in clubs and theaters, in film, and right in our homes through TV favorites like Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

For our trans-sisters, the decision to wear makeup could have life or death consequences. As a transwoman friend of mine disclosed a few months back, when she’s walking down the street and hears a man call after her, her immediate thoughts turn to, “will I experience violence because I’m a woman? Or will I experience violence because he thinks I’m a faggot?” There is a lot of discussion in the trans community about the privilege of “passing”, and I believe these conversations have further supported the struggles womxn generally face-- does wearing makeup make you more or less of a woman? As writer Lux Alptraum points out, “the idea that external appearance is what makes someone a “real” woman is the very thing that many trans women have committed themselves to fighting. To the extent that makeup is an essential part of any trans woman’s gender identity or notion of her womanhood, it’s largely because that’s the message the rest of the world aggressively forces upon her.” Read the rest of this article at https://www.racked.com/2017/3/23/14937266/trans-women-makeup

Makeup is incredibly powerful. It can be used for protest, and it can be used for comfort. It’s daily wear, and it’s political. It’s an expression of freedom, and a bold face confronting restriction. It’s transformative, giving people the opportunity to live in the bodies and images that feel right and true for them. Makeup is art, an embracing of life and physicality, a way to show up, be counted, and be present. It’s an act of defiance, and an act of love.

I recently read that Facebook now has 56 gender identities one can choose from. Facebook blows, but wow that’s actually really awesome! Within that list, some of the more frequently used terms include:

Agender/Neutrois Androgyne/Androgynous Bigender Cis/Cisgender Female to Male/FTM Gender Fluid Gender Nonconforming/Variant Gender Questioning Genderqueer Intersex Male to Female/MTF Neither Non-binary Other Pangender Trans/Transgender Transsexual Two-spirit (Important: this is Native American. Don’t pull a Jason Mraz. Don’t appropriate)

Out of this list, the following folks are allowed to wear makeup:

All of them Everyone Anyone Everybody The General Public The Whole World Human Beings Aliens Animals but only if they’re actually humans in animal costumes

If you’re interested in following makeup artists on IG who are trans or gender non-conforming, here is a great starter list (partially sourced from wearyourvoicemag.com):

@ brownbeautystandards @ vlad_theunicorn @ jade_poncee @ makeupby_bran @ rosalynnemontoya @ miles_jai @ completedestruction 

Again, there are infinite reasons why people of any gender do and don’t wear makeup, and I’m not going to be an authority on the matter. But I hope some of this information helps you on your journey to understand yourself better, and hold space of greater allyship and tolerance for others.

Below are some links and phone numbers if you feel you need greater support for the topics being discussed in this blog series. Being beautiful is cool, and so is being safe. You deserve to be here, and you matter.

Enjoy your week, and we’ll see you back here next week for Part 4: Performance Artists and Makeup!

National Eating Disorders 24 hr Hotline: 1-800-931-2237

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/body-image-0

TransLifeline Hotline: 877-565-8860

https://www.translifeline.org/

LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564

https://www.glbthotline.org/

National Suicide Prevention 24hr Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

http://sexworkersproject.org/resources/

[theteapotofdoom]

13, 23, 26

Thanks!

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Oooooh, that’s actually a hard one … I tend to mostly stick with characters that I like to write. I have characters that I don’t want to write because they don’t interest me but I just tend to avoid them (I don’t think I will ever write Hawks, or Muscular or Moonfish … who knows though). Okay so out of the ones I actually write … I kind of want to say Twice just because I don’t think I’m doing a very good job with him? I actually ADORE him but so far I don’t think I’ve done him justice, I feel like out of the members of the crew in Something Good he is the least memorable one, which is a shame because he is literally the best. So yeah maybe Twice just because every time I write him, I feel like he deserves so much better … 

Also, Something Good is about to get a lot of characters I never wrote before like the Todrokis and the kids of 1A. I’m looking forward to most of them (especially Iida and Shinsou) but I’m kind of worried about writing Deku because I want him to have a big role but I have no idea of how I’m going to write him … 

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I usually need to have some sort of sound to get in the mood, but I usually go for instrumental as lyrics tend to distract me. There are some exceptions of course! But for instance, I mostly listen to the Something Good playlist when I’m looking for inspiration and ideas rather than actually writing. For writing, I sometimes listen to the lord of the rings soundtrack (because I’m a nerd), and weirdly enough, I very very very very often listen to the soundtrack of Kirby Epic Yarn … It’s just so relaxing … so soft … so shigadabi … Also I’m not sure I mentioned it before, but one of the HUGE inspiration for Something Good (not plot-wise, but ambiance wise) was the video game Night In The Woods that I adore! I’m listening to the soundtrack a lot while I write.

Currently though, my big Shigadabi soundtrack (for Something Good and other) is the ambient mix Afterglow. And I’m currently writing a very kinky Chishig piece with a big neon aesthetic, and for that, I listen to the mix Cybercity on loop!

(A big fave is also the website ambient mixer that I SUPER recommend! Ambiance noises are perfect for people like me who need sounds but get distracted and there’s so much choice!)

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

You didn’t precise the fic, but I assume you’re asking about Something Good! So the most “trivial” answer, that actually works with everything I write including original work, is that all the small transitions/filler scenes are always hard to write because it’s just something that’s not exciting nor fun, but necessary to get to the good parts … Now for the most “serious” answer, everything about writing Tomura’s mental health is always very hard, both technically and mentally. Weirdly enough, it’s also one of my favorite things to write because I get to put a lot of myself in it, and it’s very challenging and stimulating! But I’m always nervous because it’s such a personal thing to some people, I really afraid to mess it up and it’s also just … very hard to write your fave character in pain. 

To this day, I think the whole beginning of chapter 10 when Tomura relapses into his eating disorder was the hardest thing I ever had to write. It may sound silly, but I was physically exhausted after writing 10 sentences it was really hitting me hard … But I think it was worth it! It’s just how writing is!

On that note, I’m ashamed to admit that so far in the story I kind of avoided the subject of Magne’s transition. In fact, I don’t think I ever made it clear that I thought that in this au she had fully transitioned and was happy. I plan to fix that and address it as soon as I can! It’s just that as a cis woman, it’s not something I’m personally familiar with so I’m still very afraid to mess it up. But still, that’s no excuse! 

(On a lighter note, like I’m mentionned I’m currently writing some smuty ChiShig and because the entire relationship is basically one big power play, it gets challenging at time but in the best possible way!)

Thanks a lot!!! All these answers were way too long … But I hope you still found something interesting! I had a lot of fun thank you!

Ask me fic questions!

[painandinjury]

The Good Thing That Came Out of the COVID-19 Pandemic

Dear Readers,

As you know, it has been a really tough 2020 so far, worldwide.

Here in the U.S. we’re still battling COVID-19; dealing with hurricanes, social unrest from racial conflict; a very divisive political situation, and here in California where I live, forest fires (about 400 burning at the same time at one point) enough to cause air quality warnings far away from the fires.

I know some of you are in Europe, Asia, Australia and the Middle East.  I hope things aren’t so bad over there.

But enough of that.  We must focus on living and make necessary adjustments to carry on with our lives.

There is an old Chinese saying that goes something like this:   From crisis, there is opportunity (forgive me if I butchered it; no insult intended).

For the COVID pandemic, this turned out to be true:  millions, if not billions of people all over the world learned that they could do a lot of things that they normally did in person, online.  And for those who already did this well before COVID, they learned how to do it even better.

Shopping, buying groceries and sundries, attending school, working, holding meetings, attending church services, getting music lessons, and socializing are just some of the activities people learned how to effectively do online, thanks to being quarantined.

And, in my opinion, the most significant thing people are doing more of online, thanks to COVID:  healthcare.  Telemedicine, also called telehealth involves using a telephone and/or webcam to communicate with a health professional instead of in person, face-to-face for the purpose of improving one’s health.  It also encompasses “consuming” health care content in digital format via the internet such as pre-recorded videos, slides, images, flow charts, white papers, and audio files and podcasts.  I wrote about this over five years ago when I decided to transition my practice to a telehealth model.

Telehealth was just starting to gain traction right before COVID, but the pandemic accelerated its acceptance.  The need to quarantine and social distance forced doctors and their patients to interact online, and things will never be the same (in a good way).  We were hesitating at the edge of the swimming pool and COVID pushed us into that cold water, figuratively speaking.

Webcams, Internet, Wireless Connectivity and Mobile Devices Finally Transform Healthcare

The “planets aligned” for telemedicine, and very soon it’s going to be as common as buying groceries.  To me, it’s overdue.  I hope that telehealth not only enables healthcare for millions more lives on the planet, it will drive healthcare costs down.  The cost savings to hospitals are obvious; and those savings should be passed on to the insured and paying patients.  We’ll see if that happens.  While I know people are used to tradition, starting from the days of the old country doctor with good bedside manners I think in 2020 and beyond, people are going to be just fine seeing their doctor online for simple and routine visits.

And the implications go beyond the actual care:  telemedicine will save time and money on a macroeconomic scale, and will be actually good for the environment in more ways than one:  less cars on the road (no need to drive to see your doctor); less electricity and other overhead expenses needed to keep a large building operable, less printed paper, etc.

Telehealth Is Ideal for your Average Doctor Visit

The vast majority of things that cause people to seek a doctor are non-emergency, and lifestyle related.  Non-emergency means not life-threatening, or risk of serious injury.  Lifestyle related means conditions that are largely borne out of lifestyle choices—high-calorie/ junk food diets; alcohol use, smoking, inadequate exercise, occupational/work-related, etc. and are usually chronic; i.e. having a long history–diabetes, high blood pressure, indigestion, arthritis, joint pain, etc.  These conditions can be self-managed with proper medical guidance provided remotely via webcam.  I believe that if lifestyle choices can cause illness, different lifestyle choices can reverse or minimize those same illnesses, which can be taught via telehealth.

Then there are the cases that are non-emergency, single incident:  fevers, rashes, stomach aches, allergies, minor cuts and scrapes, and things of that nature.  Sure, some cases of stomach aches and headaches can actually be something dire like cancer.  But doctors know that such “red flag” scenarios are comparatively rare, as in less than one percent of all cases; therefore, the vast majority of them can be handled via telehealth.  Besides, the doctor can decide at the initial telehealth session if the patient should come in the office, if he/she suspects a red flag.

A Typical In-Office Doctor Visit

Typically when you go to a doctor/ primary care physician, you are given a list of disorders and told to check off any that apply to you recently—stomach pain, headaches, vomiting, fever, etc.

Then, you are asked a bunch of questions related to your complaint.  This is called taking your history (of your condition).  The nurse practitioner or doctor may do this.

The doctor may or may not examine you, such as checking your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth; temperature, blood pressure, heart rate, lungs and so on depending on your history and complaint.

The doctor then takes this information and comes up with a diagnosis or two.  You may be referred for diagnostic testing, again depending on what you came in for, such as an X-ray, MRI, ultrasound or blood test.

You may get a prescription for medications or medical device, and a printout of home care instructions, and then you’re done with your office visit.

With the exception of a physical examination involving touching and diagnostic tests, everything I just explained can be done via a telehealth visit on your computer.  But as technology advances, more and more medical procedures will be performed remotely via a secure internet connection.

I believe that in the very near future, there will be apps and computer peripherals capable of doing diagnostic tests which will allow your doctor to get real-time diagnostic data during your telehealth visit.  It’s already possible for blood sugar, body temperature, heart and lung auscultation and blood pressure.

Imagine wearing gloves with special, embedded sensors in the fingertips that transfer sensory information via the internet to “receiver” gloves that your doctor wears, 20 miles away.  During a telehealth visit, you can palpate (feel) your glands, abdomen, lymph nodes, etc. and this sensory information is immediately felt by your doctor, as though he was right there palpating and examining you.

Or, imagine an ultrasound device that plugs into your HD port that transfers images of your thyroid to your doctor via the internet.

The possibilities are endless, and it bodes well for global health.  Imagine all the people who can be helped, all over the world, via telehealth.  It’s truly an exciting time in healthcare.

Telemedicine for Muscle and Joint Pain and Injuries

Every day, millions of people worldwide sustain or develop some sort of musculoskeletal (affecting muscles, joints, tendons, ligaments, bone) pain, whether it’s their low back, neck, shoulder, hip, knee, hand or other body part. If not treated right, it can become permanent or chronic.

Chronic pain, and even acute (recent onset) musculoskeletal pain can effectively be addressed via telehealth (this is the domain of my platform, Pain and Injury Doctor, and it’s my goal to help a million people worldwide eliminate their pain).

Available medical procedures for musculoskeletal conditions requiring an in-office visit such as surgery and cortisone injection are usually not the first intervention choice for such pain.  Conservative care is the standard of care for the vast majority of non-emergency musculoskeletal pain and injury–an ideal application for telehealth.

For example, if you were to go to your doctor for sudden onset low back pain, you would most likely be given a prescription for anti-inflammatory medications, if not advised to just take over-the-counter NSAIDs such as Motrin, and rest.  You would also be given a printout of home care instructions, such as applying ice every two hours; avoiding heavy lifting and certain body positions; and doing certain stretches and exercises.  As you can imagine, such an office visit could easily be accomplished via a telehealth session.  No need to drive yourself to the doctor’s office for this.

But what about chiropractic or physical therapy?  You can’t get these physical treatments through your webcam.  Yes, chiropractic has been shown to be effective for acute and chronic low back pain, but available studies typically don’t conclude that chiropractic for low back pain is superior or more economical than exercise instruction or traditional medical care.  Same with physical therapy.  However, as a “biased” chiropractor myself, I believe the benefit of spinal adjustments is not just pain relief, but improved soft tissue healing and structural alignment; two things that I believe can help reduce the chance of flare ups/ chronicity.

So get a couple of chiropractic adjustments if you can, but know that you can overcome typical back pain through self-rehabilitation as well (see my video on how to treat low back pain).

Many Types of Pain Can Be Self-Cured

Take a second to look at my logo.  It looks like a red cross, but it’s actually four converging red arrows that form a figure of a person showing vitality, with arms and legs apart.  The four arrows represent four pillars of self-care that my platform, The Pain and Injury Doctor, centers on:

Lifestyle modification (nutrition, mindset, healthy habits)

Using select home therapy equipment

Rehabilitative exercises

Manual therapy

These are four things that people suffering from pain are capable of doing by themselves, and sometimes with the help of a partner (manual therapy).  All of the Self Treatment Videos on Pain and Injury Doctor incorporate these four elements of self-care (some are still being produced as of this writing).  Isn’t this more interesting than a bottle of Motrin?

Conclusion

I will close with this:  research shows that when patients are actively engaged in their healthcare, they tend to experience better health outcomes and it’s not hard to figure out why.  By participating in your own health, you have “skin in the game;” i.e. you are invested in your health rather than being passive and wanting health to be “given” to you by a doctor through medicine or treatments.  Mindset is what drives behavior, and those who are passive about their health are the ones who pay no attention until it’s too late—they don’t eat healthy; they don’t exercise enough; they voluntarily ingest toxins (junk food, alcohol, and smoking) and engage in health-risky behaviors.  For many health conditions, by the time the primary symptom is noticeable, the disease has already set in; for example, onset of bone pain from metastasized cancer; or the first sign of pain and stiffness from knee osteoarthritis.

Being actively engaged and invested in one’s health will pay huge dividends in one’s quality of life, and longevity.  So, in order for telemedicine/ telehealth to work for you, you need to have this mindset.  You have to “do the work.”  I can show you clinically proven self-treatment techniques to treat common neck pain, but they obviously won’t work if you don’t do them, and do them diligently.

Self-care for managing musculoskeletal pain is a natural fit for the telemedicine model of health care, which made its world debut this year.  I’m excited to produce content that can help you defeat pain, without visiting a doctor’s office.  I’m especially excited if your are one of the millions of people who don’t have health insurance or access to a health professional, and I am able to help improve your quality of life by showing you how to self-manage your pain.

If there is anyone you know who can benefit from this site, please share.  Take care.

Dr. P

[jasonstaylortx]

Medical Detox South Florida - Transformations Treatment Center

How Long Does Medical Detox Take

Table of ContentsWhat Happens In A Medical Detox For OpiatesHow To Open A Medical Detox Facility, TexasWhat Is Incolved In A Medical DetoxWhen To Get Medical Help During DetoxWhat Drugs Are Given During Medical DetoxMedical Detox How LongWhat Does Medical Detox InvolveRehab Which Does Medical DetoxHow Long Does A Medical Detox From Opiates Take?What Is Non-medical DetoxMedical Detox How Long

When you’re addicted to alcohol, the idea of quitting is often overwhelming – especially when you think about going through withdrawal. One of the first questions that may cross your mind is, “do I need medical detox or can I safely detox on my own/at home?”Whether you should seek treatment when detoxing from alcohol depends on a number of different factors, including how long you’ve been drinking, how often you drink, other co-occurring disorders (such as anxiety or depression), how many times you’ve tried to quit, and more.

Even if you haven’t been drinking for very long, detox symptoms can change quickly and may cause serious medical complications. However, for some people, detoxing at home is their only chance at getting clean. Most people who detox at home quit cold turkey, but some choose the tapering off method instead.

When To Go To Medical Detox

If you feel that detoxing at home is right for you, it’s critical that you do it safely, have a support system to rely on, and focus on staying healthy (what is medical detox like). For heavy drinkers, alcohol withdrawal is potentially life-threatening. Alcohol withdrawal can begin as early as two hours after your last drink, continue for weeks, and range from mild anxiety and shakiness to seizures and delirium tremens (DTs).

Some of the most common alcohol detox symptoms include:ShakinessSweatingMild anxietyNauseaVomitingHeadacheInsomniaMood swingsDepressionFatigueClammy or pale skinDilated pupilsRapid heart rateLoss of appetiteDelirium tremens is a severe form of alcohol withdrawal and involves sudden and severe mental or nervous system changes. Delirium tremens typically occurs when you stop drinking alcohol after a period of heavy drinking, especially if you don’t eat enough food during that time (what is medical detox like).

What To Expect In Medical Detox

It may also be caused by a head injury, infection, or illness in people with a history of alcohol abuse. Symptoms typically occur 48 to 96 hours after your last drink, but they may not surface until seven to 10 days later. The most common symptoms of delirium tremens include:Body tremorsChanges in mental functionAgitation or irritabilityConfusion or disorientationDecreased attention spanDeep sleep that lasts for several daysDeliriumExcitementFearHallucinationsIncreased activityQuick mood changesRestlessness.

Most common in people with past complications from alcohol withdrawal. Typically categorized as generalized tonic-clonic seizures. Attending a treatment program is always recommended when detoxing from alcohol, but it’s especially beneficial for people with severe addictions or those who haven’t been able to successfully detox on their own in the past.

What Does Medical Detox Involve

Each type of program has its own set of pros and cons, and ultimately, it’s your decision as to what program is right for you. Inpatient Treatment:Inpatient treatment is most frequently recommended for people who have been drinking for a long time or who consumed excessive amounts of alcohol throughout their addiction.

Should you need it, a doctor can prescribe you medications that help you safely manage your withdrawal symptoms. Another benefit of inpatient treatment is that you’ve removed from your old environment, temptations, triggers, and negative influences. For some people, it’s difficult to be away from home, especially if you have a strong support system (what is medical detox).

Medical Detox Facility

Outpatient Treatment: If your addiction isn’t as severe, outpatient treatment is another option. Outpatient detox consists of visiting a treatment facility on a regular basis as you’re detoxing from alcohol. However, for the majority of the time, you’ll detox at home. When you visit the treatment facility, you may be prescribed medications that help manage withdrawal symptoms.

Peer support. A safe and structured environment. Relapse prevention. Therapeutic intervention. Family support. Continued, long-term treatment (aftercare). At the end of the day, only you can decide whether detoxing at home or entering an addiction treatment facility is right for you. However, entering an inpatient or outpatient treatment program is highly recommended and allows you to safely detox from alcohol while giving you the best chance at success in recovery.

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What Is Involved In Medical Detox?

Medical Disclaimer: Transformations Treatment Center aims to improve the quality of life for people struggling with substance use or mental health disorder with fact-based content about the nature of behavioral health conditions, treatment options and their related outcomes. We publish material that is researched, cited, edited and reviewed by licensed medical professionals. what is medical detox?.

Have you ever heard a person with substance use disorder or alcoholic say they wish they were sober but they physically can’t quit drinking or using? It’s not just another lie. After prolonged periods of drinking and using drugs, the human body can become physically dependent on the substances—toxic is the new normal.

What Is A Medical Detox

This is where a medically supervised detox like the program offered at the world-renowned Transformations Treatment Center comes in. In addition to protecting people from the various life-threatening medical issues they could encounter during untreated withdrawal, a medical detox program can also facilitate a comfortable transition into rehab. This is because medically supervised detox, though beneficial and almost always necessary, is not the end of addiction treatment.

So, what is a medically supervised detox? It is a clinical setting with doctors and nurses available around the clock to monitor a person’s withdrawal from drugs and/or alcohol. Sometimes detox includes administering medication, but the specifics vary widely according to the individual and the substances used. There is never a guarantee that a person will be safe or comfortable during detox, it is often a painful process.

What To Expect During Inpatient Medical Heroin Detox

Under a physician’s care, individuals are monitored for signs of hallucinations, scevere anxiety and cardiovascular distress. A whole range of medications may be used to manage symptoms like high blood pressure, nausea, vomiting or anxiety. Anticonvulsants might also be provided, depending on personal history. Why is it necessary to detox under a physicians care? Withdrawal is one of the most dangerous times in a person’s recovery.

Treatment should always start with medically supervised detox or the professional treatment of withdrawal symptoms and be followed by a structured plan of therapy to treat the underlying causes of addiction. Alcohol, opiate, prescription drug and stimulant withdrawal can all cause symptoms that may be life threatening. what is medical detox from alcohol. Side effects associated with opioids, hallucinogens and marijuana abuse can lead to mental health problems and relapse as a result of severe symptoms.

What Is Detox Medical Process

According to the National Library of Medicine, delirium tremens, or DTs, the severe and life-threatening form of alcohol withdrawal, “involves sudden and severe mental or nervous system changes” that often cannot be predicted in time for the individual to reach the appropriate detox program, if they are not already in it - how much cilantro to detox medical medium.

What Medications Are Used In Medical Detox

For many types of substance abuse, depression is a severe symptom of detox and can sometimes accompany other mental disorders, like anxiety, paranoia and OCD that will require long-term treatment. Whether these issues were present before the substance abuse started or they are a result of withdrawal, treating these disorders is an essential part of the healing process and can reduce the risk of relapse.

When Do You Need Medical Detox From Alcohol

What Is Medical Stablization Detox

Aside from the many dangers associated with drug withdrawal and its different symptoms, relapse is another possible complication that can even become deadly. If a person relapses back to drug abuse during or after withdrawal, their tolerance usually isn’t the same as it once was. This can lead them to miscalculate the amount of drugs they need to take and puts them at significant risk for an overdose.

In general, withdrawal brings troubled sleep, irritability, anxiety, headaches, cravings, sweating, chills, a depressive state and insomnia. Even if they are not life threatening, these symptoms can be disruptive enough that the individual may have a difficult time being fully functional for several days. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the withdrawal timeline typically begins one day after the last intake of the drug.

How To Get Drug Detox On Medical

The withdrawal timeline will continue for up to two weeks while the symptoms slowly fade. On day one of detox, the first symptoms appear immediately after the active molecules of the substances have been processed - how to detox from alcohol without medical help. The body expects another dose, having learned to rely on a regular supply. Not receiving the drugs, the body’s expected chemical balance is disrupted.

The most common symptom of withdrawal is insomnia. Insomnia can manifest itself as restlessness and difficulty falling asleep, a complete failure to sleep or waking up regularly during the night. During the early stages of detox, people may also experience very vivid dreams or nightmares, which can make relaxation and recovery at night very difficult.

Transformations Treatment Center 14000 S Military Trail, Delray Beach, FL 33484 FV9H+MC Delray Beach, Florida https://www.transformationstreatment.center/delray-beach-fl/drug-rehab/ Medical Detox in South Florida Find Transformations on Google Maps! More information: https://transformationstreatment1.blogspot.com/2021/01/medical-detox-south-florida.html

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1029595/7195132-medical-detox-south-florida-addiction-in-south-florida-transformations-treatment-center

Videos: https://youtu.be/URmIx3Q6Hg4 https://vimeo.com/498425007

from Transformations Treatment Center https://transformationstreatment1.blogspot.com/2021/01/medical-detox-south-florida.html

[alienslostinthoughts-blog]

Why do we go to school?

 Panic! At The Disco- The Good The Bad And The Dirty.

Important lyric:: “don't think i’ve ever used a day of my education”

Why does the school think that they’re teaching us ANYTHING?? They really aren’t. It’s kinda funny to be honest. The only valuable thing that i’ve learned in this school was history. This school didn’t teach me anything else. Nothing. I learned good grammar from listening to music and reading books ON MY OWN TIME. do you want to know what we do in reading class? We read a pointless scholastics magazine. It doesn’t teach us anything? I mean yeah, we learn five “new” vocabulary words in every section, but they’re only new if you’re in second grade.

 I'm a sophomore in high school. You tell us “we’re preparing you for the real world” everything is the real world. Just because we are under the age of 18 does NOT mean we are ANY less capable of comprehending that there are good and bad things in this world and what we should and shouldn’t do. Yes most of us choose to ignore it, but we are aware of it. Do you want to know what i find funny? I find it funny that the schools think we need to know what y=mx+b is. I find it funny that the school thinks we need calculus why they think we need to learn about quantum theory and chemistry. Depending on the job we might want we will. But not all of us need it. Stop depriving me of my education just so that we can fit the curriculum. School is not even about learning anymore. It’s about passing.

 Now there is this song. Its called don't stay in school. Now before you get your pants in a bunch read the lyrics. Because in all honesty, i agree with him.

I wasn't taught how to get a job But I can remember dissecting a frog I wasn't taught how to pay tax But I know loads about Shakespeare's classics I was never taught how to vote They devoted that time to defining isotopes I wasn't taught how to look after my health But mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell Never spent a lesson on current events Instead I studied The Old American West I was never taught what laws there are. I was never taught what laws there are. Let me repeat: I was not taught the laws for the country I live in, But I know how Henry the VIII killed his women. Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived Glad that's in my head instead of financial advice I was shown the wavelengths of different hues of light But I was never taught my human rights Apparently there's 30, do you know them? I don't Why the hell can't we both recite them by rote?! I know igneous, metamorphic and sedimentary rocks Yet I don't know squat about trading stocks Or how money works at all - where does it come from? How does the thing that motivates the world function? Not taught how to budget and disburse my earnings I was too busy there rehearsing cursive. Didn't learn how much it costs to raise a kid or what an affidavit is But I spent days on what the quadratic equation is Negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared Minus 4ac over 2a That's insane, that's absolutely insane. They made me learn that over basic first aid Or how to recognize the most deadly mental disorders Or diseases with preventable causes Or how to buy a house with a mortgage If I could afford it 'Cause abstract maths was deemed more important Than advice That would literally save thousands of lives But it's cool, 'cause now I could tell you if the number of unnecessary deaths caused by that choice was prime. Never taught present day practical medicines, But I was told what the ancient Hippocratic method is "I've got a headache, the pain is ceaseless What should I take?" umm... maybe try some leeches? "Could we discuss domestic abuse and get the facts Or how to help my depressed friend with their mental state?" Ummm... no but learn mental maths Because "you won't have a calculator with you every day!" They say it's not the kids, the parents are the problem Then if you taught the kids to parent that's the problem solved then! All this advice about using a condom But none for when you actually have a kid when you want one I'm only fluent in this language, for serious? The rest of the world speaks two, do you think I'm an idiot? They chose the solar over the political system So like a typical citizen now I don't know what I'm voting on Which policies exist, or how to make them change Mais oui, je parle un peu de Français So at 18, I was expected to elect a representative For a system I had never ever ever been presented with But I won't take it I'll tell everyone my childhood was wasted I'll share it everywhere how I was "educated" And insist these pointless things Don't stay in school.

 I am so so disappointed in the educational system. And it really does piss me off, why the heck don’t you tell us what we need to learn? I don't understand. I really don't.

We have ONE body. One life. Why are we wasting it.

I don't know cpr. I don't know anything about stds or stis or first aid or ANYTHING. The rest of my class does, but I don't. Would you like to know why?

 Because I am in transitional classes because i have issues focusing. :) so just because I can’t pay attention at times and because I lose my focus sometime, I get deprived of my education? How is that fair? PLEASE try to give me some absurd excuse.

I am more than capable of learning cpr and sex ed. I'm capable of learning about how to do taxes and how to pay a mortgage. I'm capable of learning how to budget. I'm capable of learning about mental illnesses and how to know the signs of someone going through depression. Maybe then I could have helped my friend.

 Oh wait i forgot, the schools DO offer it. It’s just an extracurricular activity that we can take our junior and senior years IF we have the room for it.

I am a sophomore in high school. In 2 years i’ll be graduating.

Then i’ll be off to the “real world”. And I won’t even know

How to survive.

I’m angry at all the things I can't change

link to ‘dont stay in school’ by boyinaband:: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xe6nLVXEC0

[sophygurl]

Navigating Body Image While Genderqueer / Genderfluid / Non-Binary - WisCon 41 panel write-up

These get long to click the clicky to read.

Disclaimers:

I hand write these notes and am prone to missing things, skipping things, writing things down wrong, misreading my own handwriting, and making other mistakes. So this is by no means a full transcript.

Corrections, additions, and clarifications are most welcome. I’ve done my best to get people’s pronouns and other identifiers correct, but please do let me know if I’ve messed any up. Corrections and such can be made publicly or privately on any of the sites I’m sharing these write-ups on(tumblr and dreamwidth for full writings, facebook and twitter for links), and I will correct ASAP.

My policy is to identify panelists by the names written in the programming book since that’s what they’ve chosen to be publicly known as. If you’re one of the panelists and would prefer something else - let me know and I’ll change it right away.

For audience comments, I will only say general “audience member” kind of identifier unless the individual requests to be named.

Any personal notes or comments I make will be added in like this [I disagree because blah] - showing this was not part of the panel vs. something like “and then I spoke up and said blah” to show I actually added to the panel at the time.

Navigating Body Image While Genderqueer / Genderfluid / Non-Binary

Moderator: Theo Nicole Lorenz. Panelists: Lee Bauersouth, Sam Einhorn, Jack Evans, Kris Mayer, Mo Ranyart

#NavigateGNCBodyImage for the livetweets and such

[I feel like I’ve both moderated and been on a version of this panel in past years, so it was neat to just be in the audience this time. Also - while looking around me at the panelists and my fellow audience members while waiting for the panel to start, my internal monologue was just a bouncy repetition of the word “Gender! Gender! Gender!” because IDK folks, I just adore gender and it’s many permutations and discussions of it all.]

Theo began the panel by acknowledging that the panelists were mostly white AFAB folk and that they wanted to invite other perspectives to join them. They also said everyone uses their own language for their own bodies and identities and if people use any words that make you feel uncomfortable, you should do what you need to take care of yourselves and no one will judge you for leaving if you need to.

Jack, referencing pre-panel joking around, introduced themselves by saying “I am goat, and I’m a goat.” Then seriously added that they are a non-binary trans man - but kinda wooshy-washy about it. They added that, as Theo’s assistant, the two talk about gender a lot. 

Sam began their intro with “I am Sam and I am *not* a goat”, and then added that they are genderqueer or maybe non-binary - they have trouble figuring it out. But mostly ID as a genderqueer butch person depending somewhat on the day. 

Sam also talked about how they discovered all of this gender stuff around the time as discovering fat acceptance movement and wanted to talk about how those two things informed each other.

Lee’s introduction began with “I’m questioning if I’m a goat or not...” - then worried some about if they’d offended anyone by calling themselves a goat and added “This is SO Sunday.” Lee introduced themselves as actually being agender, which they consider to be under the umbrella of genderqueer. 

Lee added that genderqueer and gender dysphoria are not a circle but a venn diagram and said “I’m in that sliver.” 

Mo left off the goat-joke intro and introduced themselves as being a femme non-binary trans dude - sort of. They also talked about fat activism in addition to having a history with an eating disorder. They said that they do have trans-related body dysphoria. 

Kris introduced themselves as non-binary and butch - mainly due to how they are read by society. They added that internally, they feel like there are rules to butchness and they don’t follow them, so they don’t necessarily identify as butch. They also talked about how we often worry about doing gender right - even as we tell others and ourselves that there is no right or wrong to how to do gender.

Lee added that they forgot in their intro to say that they are also coming at this topic from the perspective of a professional therapist.

Theo began their introduction with “I describe my identity as .... oh gosh... non-binary or agender or both?” They also said that they are stepping their toe tentatively into the trans pool and it kind of fits for them. 

Theo, author/artist of the coloring book Fat Ladies in Spaaaaace, created it while still thinking they were a cis woman. After discovering genderqueerness, they realized this thing they created for body positivity no longer fit for their own body. This was a loss to Theo. 

Theo then posed the question to the panelists - how has your relationship with body acceptance changed since realizing you’re not cis, and what do you need out of body acceptance movements now?

Jack acknowledged how Theo’s example was a loss, but for Jack there was something they gained when realizing they weren’t cis. It was so freeing because they suddenly didn’t have to fit a model of what a man or woman should be. But Then they started the transitioning process and felt they had to be more serious and conform again, which was hard.

Sam said they really didn’t know about trans, genderqueer, etc. for a long time. They discovered gender discourse and fat positivity around the same time. They were finding it was okay to be butch but not fat on the one hand, on the other in the fat pos. movement there were all of these expectations around femininity. So these two parts of Sam’s identity were constantly criss-crossing.

Lee talked about coming from the angle of chronic health conditions and the disability acceptance movements. They were being told to celebrate being a woman while having 9 week painful periods. They were being told to nourish their body while thinking - no, my body’s an asshole. They had an ablation, which they described as “I had my uterus electrocuted to send a message to my other organs”. 

Lee discussed the frustrations of feeling weaker and being treated as a delicate flower and how that made them want to find some plaid real quick. [I found myself nodding vehemently to this - nothing makes me wanna butch up more than getting sympathy for my chronic health issues]

Mo talked about having issues with “body positivity” - it felt like this was just a way to say it’s not okay to be fat but let’s celebrate other bodies! They talked about how “love your body” can feel like a kick in the teeth and loving one’s body can be really hard for some people. What about a truce instead? Can I have a friendly acquaintance with my body?

Mo also asked - can you be not-a-woman and be part of the fat acceptance movement? They had difficulty finding space for non-binary bodies in body acceptance. Instead of being part of the larger group, they’ve found smaller groups of people just huddling together. 

It can be hard to get all intersections covered so these movements need to be much larger and much more inclusive. 

Kris posed the question of - what if there are parts of my body I don’t want to make peace with? They talked about feeling violent towards certain body parts. When complaining about menstruation, they were told that it was a spectral of the goddess. They replied - no deity owns a part of my body.

Kris also talked about having dysphoria around their breasts. Am I allowed to say I don’t want to be positive about this?

Theo discussed how they were able to get top surgery and how that decreased their feelings of violence with their body. Post-surgery, Theo thought - “I hope they’re happy wherever they are now - maybe on a farm upstate somewhere - frolicking with all of the other breasts.” [I about bust a gut laughing - and had to share this with my friend who is about to have a double mastectomy because we’ve been making all sorts of jokes about her breasts post-surgery. Now we get to imagine them out there in a field romping around with other boobs - thanks Theo!! lol]

Theo posed the next question for the panelists - what do we need from these movements?

Lee answered with acceptance of the fact that chronic pain is not something they’re going to love. They compared their pain to a large dog shredding the sofa continuously and saying - “look, I’m trying to take care of you but you’re not making it easy! But if I stop taking care of you - you’ll crap on the bed.” [yes yes yes]

Jack answered - inclusion of all intersections. They talked about how they got into power lifting in order to build up masculine strength but then realized that health issues meant some days they couldn’t even lift a pencil. They don’t see many examples of trans guys like themselves.

Sam answered with more acceptance of different kinds of bodies - not just size related but gender, and other differences. The importance of not only letting these other kinds of bodies be there in the movements, but of actually making space for and including/welcoming them as well.

Mo talked about the problems with body acceptance focusing on the line of thinking like “you, too, can be attractive!” That’s good, but it’s not the whole thing. You should not have to love or accept parts of your body that are causing you actual harm or trauma, pain, dysphoria, etc. 

Mo also talked about things like “info for all the ladies out there” and being - what about me? Can that be for me too? Mo just wants more general awareness that not all people are like you - is that a big ask? It feels like it some days.

Kris brought up the decentering of attractiveness in these movements. Prioritizing beauty when not all of us are going to or even want to fit societal beauty norms. [wow this sent a lightbulb off in my head so big! need to think/write more about this myself]

Theo talked about more acceptance of bodies in liminal spaces. Bodies in transition are often treated like an unbaked cookie - someone adds in that those can be tasty so the panel finally settled on uncooked waffles as the analogy. So this uncooked waffle is treated like - well, you have potential to be something cool. What if I already feel done though? What if I’ve transitioned as much as I plan to? What if I don’t want to be fully cooked? 

Lee gave an example of a friend with many complicated health issues who was able to get phalloplasty but can’t take T - so there are some parts of the transition process they could and couldn’t do.

Jack added that in that example, the person had the phalloplasty without having a vaginectomy - they wanted to add that so that folks would know you could do it that way.

Mo talked about ways in which non-binary becomes it’s own box to fill in next to Male or Female instead of being an opt-out altogether. Often the idea of non-binary that people carry with them is an androgynous thin person in men’s clothing that’s tailored for people with breasts. And that’s great that those kind of clothes are being made and people who fit that archetype can find acceptance - but that’s not all that being non-binary is or all that non-binary clothing can be.

Kris talked about how they identified as genderqueer for a decade but then switched to non-binary because it felt like a shrug when it comes to gender. For years, Kris chased masculinity as the only model they knew. Now, they are having fun with nail polish and earrings. They added they get most of their accessories from Claire’s because inside they feel like their gender is a 13 year old girl. (Several panelists agreed with this notion for themselves)

Kris added that since exploring more of this feminine side, they find themselves worrying about outside perception of their gender - am I still non-binary enough? Trans enough?

Theo also related to the idea of chasing masculinity. They said they’re much happier since feeling more comfortable playing with femininity. 

Jack brought up sex positivity for a variety of different bodies - especially intersex bodies and for trans people who haven’t had “The Surgery.” 

Theo posed the question of where they’ve found what they needed as far as body acceptance and all of the panelists said at WisCon [me toooooo :)]

Theo also talked about finding a photo, on a website where there were hundreds of photos of trans bodies. This one photo looked like Theo’s body and the person in the photo looked so happy and free with their body and it really helped Theo to feel more acceptance and hope for themselves.

Sam discussed how getting positive reinforcement on twitter about both their gender exploration and their fatness has helped. This was Sam’s first WisCon and seeing so many people who look like them was also very powerful. Most of their friends don’t share all of their intersections. 

Jack reiterated what Sam said and added that they need WisCon for their soul - just to be with people like themselves. Jack then talked about how they didn’t use makeup until they came out as trans - it became more of a choice to them then. They started sharing selfies and got positive feedback and that helped too.

Mo also talked about how taking selfies has helped them. In particular, it’s helped them to gain a greater sense of themselves. Between the gender dysphoria and eating disorder, Mo spent a lot of time not knowing how their own body looked. The first time Mo shared a selfie online, they almost threw up. Then they got home and had 20 positive comments. So they kept trying to do it and have recently realized that they no longer feel sick when doing so. 

Mo also added that having good sexual experiences with people who are not assholes has helped. [I had some *feels* here]

Kris discussed the difficulty they’ve had in finding a network of friends, but they rely on support from friends online. They also feel lucky to have genuine family support.

Lee said - I guess I lied earlier. (Theo asked - so you ARE a goat?) Lee clarified that when they said earlier that they didn’t have any dysphoria, they’ve realized that they do have some around their breasts. 

[At this point, I became triggered by something said and stopped taking notes. This was through no fault of any of the panelists btw - they were only speaking from their own experiences but it was upsetting to me based on stuff going on in my own life so I closed my notebook and just listened to the rest of the panel, which was still really great and I’m sorry I didn’t get it all down. However, do check the hashtag for the panel for much more that I didn’t get! #NavigateGNCBodyImage]

[kristablogs]

Exploring the common misconceptions regarding trans and non-binary identities

Trans and non-binary identities have existed for centuries. But modern science has given new ammunition to detractors. (Kyle/Unsplash/)

Last month, a series of anti-trans tweets by author J.K. Rowling incited a maelstrom of anger, pain, and indignation. Specifically, Rowling opposed the phrase “people who menstruate” in an article, commenting on the social media platform, “I’m sure there used to be a word for those people ... Wumben?”

In her tweets, Rowling has perpetuated several common misconceptions about trans people, many of which actively hurt and harm the trans community. Here’s a breakdown of some common misconceptions and why they’re harmful.

Gender and sex are not the same thing

Sex is usually determined by a doctor shortly after birth based on the external genitalia you have, and even then it’s not so clean cut. Estimates suggest that 1 to 2 percent of all people in the US are intersex, meaning their bodies don’t fall neatly inside the male/female binary: Their gonads, genitalia, and hormones don’t necessarily match in sex characteristics. 

Gender identity is less clinical and more focused on how an individual views themself. Human Rights Campaign defines gender identity as “one’s innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both, or neither—how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves.”

Gender presentation is how an individual chooses to look and show their identity through their appearance. How a person presents themself is separate to the gender they identify with—and trans individuals do not need to dress hyper-feminene of hyper-masculine to prove their gender identity.

“We still have that binary mindset of what a man and what a woman should look like. Then we have the additional layer of what a trans woman should look like and what a trans man should look like, and there’s often not a lot of space in between,” says Hansel Arroyo, a psychiatrist at Mount Sinai’s Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery. He says being trans does not require adhering to stereotypical experiences: A trans woman dressed in typically ‘masculine’ clothing is still a woman.

Hormones are not sex specific

“Sex hormones” are a myth, says Katie Spencer, an assistant professor at the University of Minnesota who researches human sexuality and co-directs the National Center for Gender Spectrum Health in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Cis men have estrogen and cis women have testosterone, not to mention the wide variability among intersex individuals—”we all have sort of a blend of them in our bodies.” 

Naturally variable hormone levels have been the center of controversy in competitive sports. For example, track-and-field star Caster Semenya has been scrutinized throughout her career because of her naturally high testosterone levels. Researcher Joanna Harper recently told Popular Science that we still don’t fully understand how all hormones affect athletic performance.

Spencer adds that there are plenty of trans people who don’t take hormones or have surgery just as there are plenty of cisgendered people who do need supplemental hormones, whether it’s for symptoms related to menopause, mediating sex-drive, or to prevent hair loss. So the perception that trans people taking hormones is evidence of something wrong or unnatural is completely moot, she says. What’s more, safe access to hormones is a public health issue: Hormone therapy can already increase your risk of heart attack, but taking hormones from unreliable black market sources means you’re never really sure how much of a hormone you’re taking, and that can result in serious medical issues, like kidney failure.

Cisgendered women are not the only people who can menstruate and get pregnant 

“Lots of bodies menstruate,” says Spencer. There are some trans men and non-binary people who menstruate and get pregnant. On the other hand, there are plenty of cisgendered women who don’t menstruate. Menopause and other conditions like polycystic ovarian syndrome or uterine disorders can prevent regular cycles. To conflate menstruation with womanhood is wrong and offensive, says Spencer. Moreover, she says, it’s medically dangerous. 

Awareness of obstetric and gynecological care for men and non-binary folk is important, because their experiences are still poorly documented and understudied. That “time of the month” can come with a big psychological toll for some. One study of pregnant trans men found that trans men remain highly motivated to get pregnant at the prospect of fatherhood, despite the lack of information and support available to them. Another study shows that some trans men experience extreme isolation and body dysphoria during pregnancy. 

Access to the care they need to transition is crucial for trans folk and their mental health, says Arroyo. When they receive appropriate, thoughtful care, trans individuals have better mental health and are more likely to feel safe and satisfied with their care. Interfering with an individual’s ability to live their full life or to prevent them from having dysphoric feelings, he says, is awful.

Trans existence is not new

“Trans people have always existed,” says Jesse Pratt López, a photographer, activist, and proud trans woman who notably started a GoFundMe for homeless Black trans women. 

For example, before Europeans reached North America, many Native American tribes had third gender roles. Indigenous groups to this day have many different names for people across the non-binary spectrum. 

“Looking at past populations, from historical documents to archaeological artifacts, graves, funerary goods and skeletons, we know that the binary that we think of as gender being male or female didn’t exist in all populations—and we know it still doesn’t exist in all populations today,” says Sabrina Agarwal, a bioarchaeologist and anthropologist at UC Berkeley. “We have evidence of gender and sexuality fluidity across human cultures from even prehistoric times—from ancient Egypt, Mesoamerican, the Inca, Southeast Asia, and even in the earliest Mesopotamaian writing tablets.” 

A lot of the archaeological record supports a long history of gender fluidity, Agarwal says. One way to see that is to look at grave sites. By analyzing a skeleton archaeologists can infer a person’s sex, but that sex does not necessarily match up with the gendered artifacts they find at the person’s grave site, she explains. This could be because the individual lived outside of the gender binary.

Suppressing “deviations” from what’s considered normal is an invention of white colonization, says Pratt López, and so framing transness as a new phenomenon is deceptive and wrong. When white colonizers moved in on communities around the world they forcibly brought with them tenets of sex and gender binaries.

Agarwal agrees. She says that “these ideas of a gender binary are a Western-centric perception—the white settler’s idea of how things are divided.” A noted example she has studied are the hijras, a term that includes transgender and intersex individuals, and eunuchs. South Asia has long recognized them, she says, but when British colonialists came in, they targeted and criminalized the hijra. They still face echoes of that stigma today, though India recently gave the hijra legal recognition as a third gender.

When you consider the record of gender fluidity in the world throughout history, Pratt López says, it becomes impossible to separate trans oppression from colonization.

Hijras have long been considered the third, fluid gender in India. (kaetana/Unsplash/)

Genitalia is not the only thing that matters in attraction and sexuality

Trans sexuality is a particularly frustrating misconception to talk about, says Pratt López. However, she says it’s difficult to pinpoint what is so hard for folks to understand. She puts forth this hypothetical situation: If a heterosexual man who is only attracted to women sleeps with a trans woman, the common public response to that kind of relationship is usually, “He must be gay” rather than, “She must be a woman.”   

Further, sex and gender are not the only reasons people become attracted to one another. “People are attracted to people on multiple levels,” says Katie Spencer. “Bodies are a part of that, and gender is a part of that, but they’re not the whole picture.” You’re not attracted to someone because of their genitals in any relationship, says Spencer, so reducing trans people and trans attraction to genitals makes no sense.

Transitions aren’t the same for everyone

“Transness, like anything, is a spectrum,” says Pratt López. She notes that how a person chooses to transition, and how they want to present themselves during this time, should occur on their terms: “Trans people don’t have to have any surgeries or take hormones in order to be the gender that they are.”

Rowling has also insinuated that queer youth are being “shunted towards hormones and surgery,” calling it “a new kind of conversion therapy for young gay people.” Contrary to what the author claims, helping trans youth understand their identities, and meeting them where they are is pivotal to closing mental and physical health disparities between trans and cis youth. 

“There are people who would oppose somebody who is trans from getting appropriate medical services, whether hormone therapy or surgery, and I would encourage them to look at the health outcomes,” says Arroyo. The health disparity between cis and trans communities is frighteningly large, he says, but we see in our patients and in the research that providing support to both youth and adults can help close those gaps.

Conversion therapy, a category of discredited practices that aim to conform a person’s sexuality or gender identity to the societal norm or expectation, on the other hand, is dangerous and does not work. The UN has called it a “‘cure' for an illness that does not exist.” Comparing transitioning to conversion therapy is a baseless analogy that does not hold up. 

We often think of transitioning as going from one stereotypical side of the gender spectrum to the other, Arroyo says, but thinking about transitions as crossing a binary is inaccurate. A transition can mean different things to different individuals: Some trans folk may only want to transition by way of clothing and expression, while others might want to go as far as hormone therapy or surgery. There is no set end goal to a transition, no final destination. “It is not for me to say that one person’s way of expressing their gender is a transition or is not a transition,” says Arroyo. “And I think that’s a good reminder for us as medical providers—that it’s not for us to determine what transitioning is, but it’s for the individual to discover what transition is to them.”

How to be a better ally for trans people 

Trans individuals, and especially trans women of color, are disproportionately victims of violence. As of July 27, 22 transgender or gender non-conforming people have been violently killed in 2020 alone. 16 of them (76 percent) were people of color. 

 “Here we are, in 2020, still begging and pleading for people to see our humanity,” says Milan Nicole Sherry, a trans activist from New Orleans who organizes the city’s NOLA Trans March of Resilience and created the hashtag #blacktranslivesmatter. She says that instead of complacent allies, they need active accomplices who speak with their actions—those who will not only stand with trans people, but walk with them and protect them, too.

Ask yourself, “how can I show up?” and ask your trans friends, “how can I help you and trans people?”, says Sherry. If you phrase it in a direct way, then you are more likely to get a direct answer. 

Being an accomplice, as Sherry puts it, could mean joining them in protest, volunteering at a clinic or youth organization, or even just talking to those around you who are ignorant about trans people—all of it contributes to a movement towards acceptance.

Any and all action is impactful, especially during a time when celebrity authors and government agencies try to invalidate the trans community based on false interpretations of biology. 

[scootoaster]

Exploring the common misconceptions regarding trans and non-binary identities

Trans and non-binary identities have existed for centuries. But modern science has given new ammunition to detractors. (Kyle/Unsplash/)

Last month, a series of anti-trans tweets by author J.K. Rowling incited a maelstrom of anger, pain, and indignation. Specifically, Rowling opposed the phrase “people who menstruate” in an article, commenting on the social media platform, “I’m sure there used to be a word for those people ... Wumben?”

In her tweets, Rowling has perpetuated several common misconceptions about trans people, many of which actively hurt and harm the trans community. Here’s a breakdown of some common misconceptions and why they’re harmful.

Gender and sex are not the same thing

Sex is usually determined by a doctor shortly after birth based on the external genitalia you have, and even then it’s not so clean cut. Estimates suggest that 1 to 2 percent of all people in the US are intersex, meaning their bodies don’t fall neatly inside the male/female binary: Their gonads, genitalia, and hormones don’t necessarily match in sex characteristics. 

Gender identity is less clinical and more focused on how an individual views themself. Human Rights Campaign defines gender identity as “one’s innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both, or neither—how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves.”

Gender presentation is how an individual chooses to look and show their identity through their appearance. How a person presents themself is separate to the gender they identify with—and trans individuals do not need to dress hyper-feminene of hyper-masculine to prove their gender identity.

“We still have that binary mindset of what a man and what a woman should look like. Then we have the additional layer of what a trans woman should look like and what a trans man should look like, and there’s often not a lot of space in between,” says Hansel Arroyo, a psychiatrist at Mount Sinai’s Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery. He says being trans does not require adhering to stereotypical experiences: A trans woman dressed in typically ‘masculine’ clothing is still a woman.

Hormones are not sex specific

“Sex hormones” are a myth, says Katie Spencer, an assistant professor at the University of Minnesota who researches human sexuality and co-directs the National Center for Gender Spectrum Health in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Cis men have estrogen and cis women have testosterone, not to mention the wide variability among intersex individuals—”we all have sort of a blend of them in our bodies.” 

Naturally variable hormone levels have been the center of controversy in competitive sports. For example, track-and-field star Caster Semenya has been scrutinized throughout her career because of her naturally high testosterone levels. Researcher Joanna Harper recently told Popular Science that we still don’t fully understand how all hormones affect athletic performance.

Spencer adds that there are plenty of trans people who don’t take hormones or have surgery just as there are plenty of cisgendered people who do need supplemental hormones, whether it’s for symptoms related to menopause, mediating sex-drive, or to prevent hair loss. So the perception that trans people taking hormones is evidence of something wrong or unnatural is completely moot, she says. What’s more, safe access to hormones is a public health issue: Hormone therapy can already increase your risk of heart attack, but taking hormones from unreliable black market sources means you’re never really sure how much of a hormone you’re taking, and that can result in serious medical issues, like kidney failure.

Cisgendered women are not the only people who can menstruate and get pregnant 

“Lots of bodies menstruate,” says Spencer. There are some trans men and non-binary people who menstruate and get pregnant. On the other hand, there are plenty of cisgendered women who don’t menstruate. Menopause and other conditions like polycystic ovarian syndrome or uterine disorders can prevent regular cycles. To conflate menstruation with womanhood is wrong and offensive, says Spencer. Moreover, she says, it’s medically dangerous. 

Awareness of obstetric and gynecological care for men and non-binary folk is important, because their experiences are still poorly documented and understudied. That “time of the month” can come with a big psychological toll for some. One study of pregnant trans men found that trans men remain highly motivated to get pregnant at the prospect of fatherhood, despite the lack of information and support available to them. Another study shows that some trans men experience extreme isolation and body dysphoria during pregnancy. 

Access to the care they need to transition is crucial for trans folk and their mental health, says Arroyo. When they receive appropriate, thoughtful care, trans individuals have better mental health and are more likely to feel safe and satisfied with their care. Interfering with an individual’s ability to live their full life or to prevent them from having dysphoric feelings, he says, is awful.

Trans existence is not new

“Trans people have always existed,” says Jesse Pratt López, a photographer, activist, and proud trans woman who notably started a GoFundMe for homeless Black trans women. 

For example, before Europeans reached North America, many Native American tribes had third gender roles. Indigenous groups to this day have many different names for people across the non-binary spectrum. 

“Looking at past populations, from historical documents to archaeological artifacts, graves, funerary goods and skeletons, we know that the binary that we think of as gender being male or female didn’t exist in all populations—and we know it still doesn’t exist in all populations today,” says Sabrina Agarwal, a bioarchaeologist and anthropologist at UC Berkeley. “We have evidence of gender and sexuality fluidity across human cultures from even prehistoric times—from ancient Egypt, Mesoamerican, the Inca, Southeast Asia, and even in the earliest Mesopotamaian writing tablets.” 

A lot of the archaeological record supports a long history of gender fluidity, Agarwal says. One way to see that is to look at grave sites. By analyzing a skeleton archaeologists can infer a person’s sex, but that sex does not necessarily match up with the gendered artifacts they find at the person’s grave site, she explains. This could be because the individual lived outside of the gender binary.

Suppressing “deviations” from what’s considered normal is an invention of white colonization, says Pratt López, and so framing transness as a new phenomenon is deceptive and wrong. When white colonizers moved in on communities around the world they forcibly brought with them tenets of sex and gender binaries.

Agarwal agrees. She says that “these ideas of a gender binary are a Western-centric perception—the white settler’s idea of how things are divided.” A noted example she has studied are the hijras, a term that includes transgender and intersex individuals, and eunuchs. South Asia has long recognized them, she says, but when British colonialists came in, they targeted and criminalized the hijra. They still face echoes of that stigma today, though India recently gave the hijra legal recognition as a third gender.

When you consider the record of gender fluidity in the world throughout history, Pratt López says, it becomes impossible to separate trans oppression from colonization.

Hijras have long been considered the third, fluid gender in India. (kaetana/Unsplash/)

Genitalia is not the only thing that matters in attraction and sexuality

Trans sexuality is a particularly frustrating misconception to talk about, says Pratt López. However, she says it’s difficult to pinpoint what is so hard for folks to understand. She puts forth this hypothetical situation: If a heterosexual man who is only attracted to women sleeps with a trans woman, the common public response to that kind of relationship is usually, “He must be gay” rather than, “She must be a woman.”   

Further, sex and gender are not the only reasons people become attracted to one another. “People are attracted to people on multiple levels,” says Katie Spencer. “Bodies are a part of that, and gender is a part of that, but they’re not the whole picture.” You’re not attracted to someone because of their genitals in any relationship, says Spencer, so reducing trans people and trans attraction to genitals makes no sense.

Transitions aren’t the same for everyone

“Transness, like anything, is a spectrum,” says Pratt López. She notes that how a person chooses to transition, and how they want to present themselves during this time, should occur on their terms: “Trans people don’t have to have any surgeries or take hormones in order to be the gender that they are.”

Rowling has also insinuated that queer youth are being “shunted towards hormones and surgery,” calling it “a new kind of conversion therapy for young gay people.” Contrary to what the author claims, helping trans youth understand their identities, and meeting them where they are is pivotal to closing mental and physical health disparities between trans and cis youth. 

“There are people who would oppose somebody who is trans from getting appropriate medical services, whether hormone therapy or surgery, and I would encourage them to look at the health outcomes,” says Arroyo. The health disparity between cis and trans communities is frighteningly large, he says, but we see in our patients and in the research that providing support to both youth and adults can help close those gaps.

Conversion therapy, a category of discredited practices that aim to conform a person’s sexuality or gender identity to the societal norm or expectation, on the other hand, is dangerous and does not work. The UN has called it a “‘cure' for an illness that does not exist.” Comparing transitioning to conversion therapy is a baseless analogy that does not hold up. 

We often think of transitioning as going from one stereotypical side of the gender spectrum to the other, Arroyo says, but thinking about transitions as crossing a binary is inaccurate. A transition can mean different things to different individuals: Some trans folk may only want to transition by way of clothing and expression, while others might want to go as far as hormone therapy or surgery. There is no set end goal to a transition, no final destination. “It is not for me to say that one person’s way of expressing their gender is a transition or is not a transition,” says Arroyo. “And I think that’s a good reminder for us as medical providers—that it’s not for us to determine what transitioning is, but it’s for the individual to discover what transition is to them.”

How to be a better ally for trans people 

Trans individuals, and especially trans women of color, are disproportionately victims of violence. As of July 27, 22 transgender or gender non-conforming people have been violently killed in 2020 alone. 16 of them (76 percent) were people of color. 

 “Here we are, in 2020, still begging and pleading for people to see our humanity,” says Milan Nicole Sherry, a trans activist from New Orleans who organizes the city’s NOLA Trans March of Resilience and created the hashtag #blacktranslivesmatter. She says that instead of complacent allies, they need active accomplices who speak with their actions—those who will not only stand with trans people, but walk with them and protect them, too.

Ask yourself, “how can I show up?” and ask your trans friends, “how can I help you and trans people?”, says Sherry. If you phrase it in a direct way, then you are more likely to get a direct answer. 

Being an accomplice, as Sherry puts it, could mean joining them in protest, volunteering at a clinic or youth organization, or even just talking to those around you who are ignorant about trans people—all of it contributes to a movement towards acceptance.

Any and all action is impactful, especially during a time when celebrity authors and government agencies try to invalidate the trans community based on false interpretations of biology. 

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Spiritual Emergencies

What to Do in a Spiritual Emergency? The growing popularity of the so-called “new age” movements has successfully simplified many esoteric teachings and introduced new people to them. Unfortunately, it has also led to a flawed belief that the discipline-based approaches of the “old-school” systems can be replaced by nothing more than a sentimental, intellectual attitude. Even now, it’s hard to find information about the spiritual crises and emergencies that any spiritual practitioner can encounter, although there are the theories of Stanislav Grof and various networks. Nevertheless, it’s still important to understand the importance of concepts like spiritual emergencies, especially in the current times, when notions such as “ascendance” can trigger mass hysteria. What is a Spiritual Emergency? A spiritual emergency is a sudden and drastic change in your spiritual state. It can manifest as traumatic or semi-traumatic revelations and serious imbalances in energy. Messages and visions can befall practitioners of any system (or even multiple systems). These are generally spiritual transitions and ordeals that are the sudden onset of a devastating perception and psychology, and they demand an urgent and direct response. They are born out of mistakes in practice, as well as forced situations. The initial stages of these spiritual ordeals, which will transform your life’s foundation, can progress to a spiritual emergency if the practitioner is unable to create a sufficiently explanatory and supportive framework. Creating such a framework is not so easy in many New Age systems. Spiritual emergencies don’t just develop from the initial phases of a transformative crisis—they can also emerge on their own . In such cases, what is the difference between a spiritual emergency and a spiritual ordeal? In simpler terms, what is the difference between a “Dark Night” and a forced, sudden Kundalini awakening? Every exploratory experience has the potential to radically transform you by devastating your routine flow of life. Every step on the spiritual path is prone to causing a serious transformation, and no transformation occurs without pain. So, the “natural crises” that can be triggered by spiritual practices, or which spiritual practices may lead the practitioner into, can herald the birth of a new paradigm. However, the integration this new knowledge and revelations is often preceded by a paralyzing experience. The human psyche is not a well-oiled machine, so any effort to integrate the experience will automatically encounter resistance. Sometimes elements of both resistance and acceptance can be observed simultaneously. If the novel experience cannot be integrated, the resistance will cause the creation of a negative paradigm. Such paradigms usually require a “myth” to function. Say you’d been through an infatuation that affected you deeply yet gave no result, such as forcing yourself to fixate on your career and worldly things for so many years. If you fail to integrate the lessons from this adventure into yourself and make room for emotional satisfaction in your life rather than speculating on mere results and arriving at irrational conclusions (e.g., love having no place in your life or not deserving love), you will return to a safe haven and even make it safer than before. These revelations cannot be repressed without “myths,” and cracks in your personal reality cannot be closed without these “myths.” On the other hand, while integrating the new knowledge, visions, and intuition, a sudden “feeling of loss” triggers sudden eruptions. Spiritual ordeals and transitions don’t necessarily need to be triggered by “spiritual” experiences. Circumstances can force you to change your priorities and goals in life, such as when you lose a loved one or even when you fall in love. These experiences can be as intense as a spiritual ordeal created through persistent practice. The flow already carries these life-changing gifts. Contrary to crises, spiritual emergencies are the direct results of unhealthy, erroneous practices that lack foundation, balance, and integration. They are built on an unbalanced spiritual foundation or conducted without discipline, such as: A contemplation-based forced Kundalini awakening, which is brought forth without proper grounding and balanced work Practices that are preformed to meet a thirst for power rather than a desire for balance, health, or harmony Practices motivated by self-repression and self-blame, which can trigger a severe spiritual crisis A crisis can erupt during a spiritual emergency in forms such as apathy, psychosis, panic, paranoia, depression, thought disorders, and so on. You can control the situation, however, by following some very simple procedures and creating some breathing space. Your greatest savior in these circumstances is your ability to look at your mystic, spiritual world, as well as viewing your gigantic, unbalanced waves of emotions from the outside. So, what should we look for when a spiritual emergency explodes in our life? You can follow these simple steps to understand the spiritual environment you are in and take the necessary measures to weather the crisis. Seek Professional Medical Help Whatever your faithful fortune-teller, your yoga teacher, or the quasi-Sufi master you had a drink with would say, accept that you are going through a spiritual emergency. The first thing you should do is put aside the mystical perspective and consult a medical professional. Even if the psychosis you’re experiencing will precede a spectacular revelation, it’s still ultimately a psychosis. If you stay home and skip work for ten days because your head is in the clouds, you are neglecting your routine and harming yourself. When you seek enlightenment whatever the price, forced spiritual emergencies (in contrast to spiritual ordeals) don’t often result in spectacular enlightenments. The medical profession may have a tendency to first seek solutions in chemical prescriptions, but this won’t change the fact that consulting a medical professional is a good idea. You have the right to avoid medical treatment if you want or have it adapted to your circumstances and conditions, but if you maintain a romantic perspective during a crisis, you may end up with unhealable wounds. Look at the Source of the Messages Most spiritual crises arise from confusing the oscillation of emotional states with “inner” guidance. At the extreme end of this phenomenon, serial killers and false messiahs act on the messages they receive to purge the earth from sinners. At the passive end of this spectrum, people start believing the stars determine everything in their lives. There are also those spiritualists who look at The Starry Night by Van Gogh’s and believe they’ve attained Buddha status. The “Eastern” wisdom is not bent on getting rid of the “mind.” In fact, reason is your greatest support in these circumstances, because healthy minds think alike. Behaviors or actions that can hurt you or others may harm the things you value. Your work and your life are not rational, so they cannot be a part of any genuine “path.” The emotions that arise in you, however powerful and compelling or imbued in energy they might seem, don’t have to be your guidance. There’s a very well-known rule for those who practice Western systems: On entering the body, the energy activates not just the “good” (i.e., virtuous and beneficial) regions of the body but all of them, especially if you work with a powerful yet “neutral” system. This boosts your obsessions, fears, and desires. Transcending these “negative” qualities (i.e., your wall of fear) is what is expected from you. If you keep them buried while chasing your own shadow in circles, you will constantly experience a modern-day neurosis instead of leading a spiritual life. On the other hand, if you listen too much to these energized regions, using them as guides rather than observing and comprehending them, you can’t expect balanced results either. Get Grounded Grounding is one of the best means to achieve mental safety, and this is unfortunately ignored by many who engage in energy work. Grounding, as well as establishing a solid balance and remaining aware of environmental influences, can be a lifesaver. This is especially true in Turkey, a land that flows with dark Scorpionic energy and where every experience is lived with intense emotions. In addition to walking barefoot in the garden or using “anchoring” meditations, eating red meat and engaging in sexual activity are fast ways to ground yourself. Maintain Balance While riding the waves of life, preserving a certain “vibration” to sustain your joy no matter what is a spectacular success. However, if you use defense mechanisms like repression, you are not being honest with yourself. The waves that you think you have transcended will return to you as tsunamis. Life is not a river that flows with a constant volume. Forcing a determination on yourself to remain positive no matter what and engage in a life practice that ignores the simplest of chores and essential pleasures may cause intensely negative crises. Remember those stressful situations and other experiences, because even periods of depression have their places in life. Don’t expect to live a continuously upbeat life. Laugh Listen to the laughing Buddha... Remember that existence is a big joke, including what you are going through at that moment. Sorrows eventually pass, but joy always remains. Read the full article