#just bought a car tho so
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was so excited to finally do chapter 10 of tcda but I’m so tired now so it’s taking me forever… like I don’t know when I can be done with it at this point ugh
#sonic#team chaotix#team chaotix detective agency#Is this burnout#idk#just bought a car tho so#Doin something
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Montague Fortography
I tried recreating one of his loading screens
I'm terrible at this thank you
edited by the amazing @misschuchuw
EXTRAS
#fortnite#montague#fn montague#fortography#fnbr#I bought that 2500 vbuck car just for this and refunded it right after#kinda liked it tho might get it again#this so scuffed I dont make these at all really
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PEOPLE WHO WORK THE TOLL BOOTHES CAN HEAR U?????
#yall.#i was coming back from a long shift and accidentally missed my turn & ended up on a one lane#no backsies unless u wanna cause a crash#toll booth to get home#i was so fucking mad at myself#it wasnt even a lot it was like a dollar LOL but i was so pissed i had to spend money when i didnt have to#cussing myself out and stuff saying i couldve bought a damn candy bar or smthing#(even tho i know i couldnt. not in this econmy LOL)#instead im spending my stupid ass dollar on me being accidentally stupid#pitch black outside and it was just my dumbass out there using the toll#i pay it wtever the thing goes up#and all a sudden i hear a very quiet '...im sorry..'#LMFAOO I DIDNT KNOW THEY HAD MICS AND STUFF THAT SCARED ME#i told her shes fine and apologized and got in my car but damn 😭😭 i didnt know they could hear ur struggle#craziest thing i was like 5 minutes from my location when i missed my turn and ended up at the toll like i was Right there#i hope she knows the anger was at myself LOL#lowkey sounds like a nice job working the toll like
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Today my mom and i went out, i had some things i still had left to buy, a powerbank and earphones, we used this as an excuse to go out just before i left for uni. It was really fun we walked around we bought some things we even bought like a wagyu skewer thing, it was my first time trying something like that it was really good. We bought like snacks for me for my dorm and yea electronics. In this mall we usually just eat at the same place over and over again, anytime we visit it, but this time we decided to try someplace new. It was sooo good i bought these small chicken tacos and it was literally so good and there was this drink my mom bought called masala chai yea that was good as balls as well. We really did just use it as an excuse to have some fun before i went to uni, even she was a bit hesitant to send me away, since im the youngest and her baby yada yada.
During the ride home, it was kinda quiet, i was mostly just thinking and lowkey dread. I remember seeing a post describing grief- You think you got over grief but on a random tuesday you just break down. I felt that, I could feel like my mental walls start to crack and crumble a little as i got silent. I could feel the feeling in my stomach. I could feel my body being on edge, it was literally so close to like crying and releasing my emotions. However I just couldn't, all the years of bottling up my negative emotions really did a number on me. And so i just sat there feeling the tears well up in my eyes, but not falling.
This continued for another 20 minutes, until along the road I saw my favourite flower. This flower isn't the prettiest, smells the nicest or anything, but I loved it because when I used to walk alot(now my mom doesnt let me cuz of dangerous dudes, which i think is bs but oh well) the route that i usually took there was a path with this type of flower lined across. I loved putting my hand in the bushes as i walked. It was super soft and if it rained there was always some water inside the flower, it just felt lovely to touch. The sight of this flower really did make me start tearing up(BTW GUESS WAT SONG PLAYED 4TH OF JULY BY SUFJAN STEVENS) I kinda regret not crying there idk it just feels like i couldnt.(@kruxton remember when i said theres a high chance of me crying in the first week of me going to uni, nvm it is so gonna happen i feel it).
#I lowkey hoped il cry before i go to uni but i dont think thatl happen#I wanted to get it out of the way but yea i think its gonna happen at my dorms#Im really glad this is happening i havent rly had anything like this happen to me before#I was getting kinda worried cuz wat if i didnt experience emotions the same as u guys and wat if il never experience something like that#so this is really reassuring#During the car ride i did feel an immense like sadness atleast my body did#But also i was also like joking around with myself and i think this also didnt help with me trying to cry and release my emotions#it was just so natural for me to start crackign jokes with myself tho so idk wat to do abt that#I bought like 5 little dudes il make another post showcasing them theyre rly cute
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why the fuck ISNT there a bridge to shelter island actually. its like two feet away from mainland long island. i think mostly rich people live on shelter island so you’d think maybe it’d he like nimby shit. but surely it is not uncommon for shelter island residents to have jobs on mainland long island and i feel like having to take a fucking ferry as part of your daily commute to work would surely be annoying as all hell regardless of how much you want to gatekeep your rich nimby neighborhood
#brot posts#anyway theres apparently a nature preserve on shelter island thats huge and has beautiful beautiful marshes#so now i actually do kind of want to go to shelter island LMFAO#BUT THE FUCKING FERRY ? come on#I HAVE TAKEN a ferry many times in my life but its only ever been while my parents booked the tickets and all that#i personally have never taken my own car onto a ferry or bought my own tickets#so i dont really know how comfy i am bringing my own car onto the ferry to visit the nature preserve. augh. plus it costs more to bring car#and the preserve is on the opposite side of shelter island thsn the ferry landing point so its not like i can just do a walk on only#EDIT: NO WAIT THERE IS ANOTHE RFERRY. south ferry. that does get much closer to the preserve#idk about walking distance tho but certainly more doable than north ferry …#ok. food for thought ….#edit edit: ok so they do not charge more for bringing your car on. probably bc there is nothing in walking distance#and if im understanding it right the cost is also very reasonable. likely bc its a short ride unlike the cross sound
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Whatever the fuck kinda fuck ass hormones are happening in my body right now I'm mad at them. pmsing pre-period-ing whatever you wanna call it and I'm so mad. So grumpy. And I can't help it! But I'm aware that I shouldn't dump that on people so that means that I'm mostly just silent or making noises to myself. Also mad for other reasons but last week I was able to handle it somehow. Premenstrual me struggles to handle it much more tho
#also my knee hurts. that's a classic tho. my back hurts and my neck to the point that i cant read a book. or i can but its very painful#also im annoyed because if it my mom does get diagnosed with celiac then maybe i will too and i love gluten. maybe she won't tho but if she#will.....been thinking about diet and the fact that i really am fucked up when it comes to that because i 1 have food issues that are like#ocd sensory related 2 have disordered type thoughts will not get into that 3 don't eat meat hate it with every fiber of my being 4 if we ad#gluten to that...oof. im also a person who will bring a snack to the function i try to have something in my bag always because sometimes#there's just nothing for me and i do try to eat to be polite sometimes but sometimes when i do i literally gag. anyway i hate eating but i#also love eating#and also i have pimples i very rarely have pimples so thats a big deal for me and i actually don't care how they look its the fact that im#going to have to put on a band aid or something cause i keep picking at them#and i have another itchy thing under my eyes that comes out when i go too long without using these eye patches things but i bought a 60 pcs#pack and it turns out that the big pack is fake as shir because they're completely different different texture and so thin that they just#slide from under my eyes to my goddamn chin#also my grandmoms fridge got fucked up and i have to go over tomorrow to clean all that up how the FUCK will i transport a new one idk girl#my tiny car is too tiny to transport a regular fridge#so yes i am annoyed AND annoying. whateverrrr
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how are you feeling today? did you make it through unscathed?
Yeah I definitely didn't 😭 I've been hella congested all day and I definitely have a cough, but it's more bc my throat is bugging me than anything. I don't think I technically have a fever, my temp's just slightly elevated from where it normally is. It's fucking miserable bc I can't breathe through my nose and the damn thing fucking hurts, and I'm kinda uncomfortable and a little achy, but other than that I'm mostly just tired and a little hazy and generally just don't feel great, so I'm not dying like my partner was lmao. But yeah, all this to say that I'm fucking pissed at him and I literally feel like a goddamn plague rat 😭😭
#not snz#i fucking hate it here#I've sneezed a few times but not much#mainly just coughing#super sniffly tho#also i did go hang out with him just so i could bitch at him lmao#also i feel fucking disgusting and i was sad being in my room#like i don't want anyone to perceive me#like i was almost never sick when i was younger and if i was no i wasn't unless it was bad#but times have changed 😔#so no more going out and doing things while being either maybe or definitely sick 😔#thank god honestly but i still don't want people to Know#like don't fucking look at me let me rot in my hole and die alone#but i didn't wanna be alone apparently like i was very sad about the thought for some reason smh#so yeah we literally just hung out in the car#lowered the seats and had blankets and pillows and shit so it was kinda chill#and he bought food from a couple different places bc it's his fucking fault and he's trying to buy my forgiveness lmao#various soups and mac and cheeses and the general concensus was that they'd probably be good if we could taste them better 😭#some of them tho the texture was just not it like even a great taste couldn't save them imo#also there's a boba place that makes hot teas also so we went there a few times#ordered in advance masks on obviously so we were only in there for like a minute just to grab everything#like we were being as careful as we could#also he's like mostly feeling better like his fever broke apparently#he still sounds fucking gross tho lmao like his voice is shot and he still has a pretty bad cough#and now I'm like fucking whatever we both have the same gross ass fucking disease so it's fine i guess#but i still kept glaring at him as a first reaction whenever he decided to be symptomatic lmao#but i wasn't pressing myself against the window trying to escape so progress lmaoooo#anyway it was a chill day i guess like we were just hanging and making sure the other person wasn't dying lmao#I'm at home now and took a hot ass shower and my eyes hurt and I'm tired so it's probably bedtime lmao
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took my new Frankie on a walk with me to see if there were good spots to take pics and there were!
#monster high#monsterhigh#mh#frankie#frankie stein#great scarrier reef#found her for $5 at a toy show#then Cedric got me her shirt for my bday#and i bought the arms. the seller was so sweet and sent stickers too :)#anyway i tried to post this just as my car decided break down bc my serpentine belt came off the tracks#and my sib was driving so that was also not ideal#personal#anyway. wish i had my frankie with me. she'd make me feel better rn#anyway mom came to get us and we had dinner so its fine i guess. had to leave my car behind for now tho
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How does my roommate afford to order in food every day
#im so jealous#i order in like... twice a month if im lucky#but im also not working rn#and yet they talk about being broke and poor but their parents buy everything for them??#like their parents bought them a car and new tv recently#and a new computer and pays for their rent#like youre fine#i have to get abother job soon tho i only have a couple more months of rent saved#and its stressing me out#im not holding it against them at all bc theyre a pretty good roommate#im just envious
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there was no preparing me for how lonely post-grad life would be lmfao
#I’ve finally cut my mom off#I have like four total friends and only one who lives here#I work 6 days a week at a smoothie shop where the owner treats us horribly#but I stay working 50 hour weeks bc I need the money for a car & to keep saving for grad school#I finally bought my own health insurance#but apparently it doesn’t matter bc no psychiatrists will take me#even tho we’ve called over 10#my therapist has all but ditched me#it’s been almost a year since the most devastating relationship loss of my life#and while most days I have made my peace with it#I am still sometimes so full of hurt & confusion & regret & longing & the urge to beg on my knees for things to be fixed#my relationship with food is so fucked#I am looking everywhere for the joy in living and I am not finding it#I know it’s there I know it is#but I cannot feel it I am so lonely I am so out of my depth#my mom got rid of the dogs without telling me#I am so desperate for help that I can’t seem to get in this useless country#I want a hug so badly that I am literally have dreams where someone hugs me#I want my mom to just be good and normal and not awful to me#I want to go home but it feels like an intangible place I can no longer go to#i don’t know if there’s any fixing that#I am trying so so hard to be good#and yet I still lose everything & I can only assume the problem is me#but I just want#to be fixed
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One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad
#snap chats#p sure i talked bout this jacket before but idc read my diary#sorry that every other middle aged man i see i say reminds me of my dad its a compliment#tbh love how i clowned on ichi for being on premium copium bout arakawa but highkey i woulda done the same bout my dad.. i get it ichi..#anyway :) i legally get to talk about my day with him now :)) HE SAID THE FUNNIEST SHIT UPON SEEING ME#HE SAID ‘oh wow we dress similar :)’ and keep in mind. he was wearing a latte brown coat with a black turtleneck and pants and shoes#meanwhile. i approach With Black Pants And Shoes Admittedly but then im in this goofy old ass jacket with a red scarf#and a crane-decorated dress shirt that i got two buttons undone on like DAAD you are senile. hes so funny#so fun my dad actually recognized this was the jacket he got me- it was one of the first things he bought for me after i told My Secret 🙈#also i finally asked how tall he was and i can’t believe my dad matches the criteria to be an rgg character he’s fuckin 6’1 like i thought#AH but today was really nice- i got to hang with my sis and her husband as well as my dad’s wife :)#it was awful tho cause the second my sis saw my dad’s outfit she’s just like ‘it’s so kdramacore’ AND SHES RIIIGHT 😭😭#we later found out dad’s wife loves kpop…. and she bought him his new clothes…. so we are no longer surprised….. AWFUL.#honestly i could write a drama based off my dad’s life i really could it has elements for it. i mean ig i kinda do that already dont i#i borrow. anyways. today was fun :) even if i almost lost my mind trying to take the train the first time#this train system was weird… it wa worth tho it was great seein popop again#yeah….. ugh i have to still drive home from the station. and hope my car is still there#i get very paranoid leaving my car alone so openly i dont like it…#anyways. bye bye :) i might nap til my stop or work on a fic i started#‘snap what happened to’ dont worry about it i need to look at something else or ill scream#ok bye 👋
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why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
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after the vehicle hunt has been a big flop (the few vehicles I was interested in drove terribly on the test drives :( and car salesmen waaaay highballing cars worths which is. A crazy thing to do when I can literally look up the average worth of a car in 2 seconds??) after going to so so many websites and irl dealers. i found a van I really really love the look of and it’s only like an hour away!! (vintage van-rv combo!! Small enough to not be insane on gas while combining my many years long obsession with having a small rv-like thing AND my nostalgia for my now gone first van…)
And the thing is actually low priced for its type… but insanely out of my budget still 10,000 more than what I have. It’s insane how much vehicles cost. This thing is like 10 years older than I am and it still costs that much?? Wanting a thing really bad will have u googling shit like what body parts can I sell legally 💀
#long time followers will recall back in 2019 me rv posting CONSTANTLY the yearning is so real#I never looked for class b rvs bc they are insanely priced usually but this one is considered cheap (which is still insane)#with my measly part time job it will be many many months before I have that money#by then I’m sure it’ll be sold which makes me want to cry#I’ve applied to other part time jobs so maybe I could work 2 remote jobs…I’m at the point where I feel like I’ve been running on a hamster#wheel nonstop and it’s not getting me any results like I feel very. stuck and impatient#it’s frustrating!! and what if I somehow save up and it’s not bought then it also drives like shit 😭#I’ve never really minded being cooped up but lately it’s driving me a little crazy#maybe I’m just bad at saving I don’t know. like I genuinely don’t know how anyone manages to make it like this tho#but no bank or credit union will give me a loan for it bc of how old it was (I checked Friday) even tho I have good credit :(#I feel like the first half of this year was so awesome and it’s just been going downhill so fast it’s really. discouraging#sanchoyorambles#anyway all that to say if possible I might donate plasma or something despite how squeamish I am#I hate money and I hate having to need it and how stressful it is to spend it on big things like a vechicle I hate it I hate it#everything should be free and easy forever#I’ll probably end up with a stupid boring little car that I’ll hate bc that’s what I can afford. but it’ll be fine if I slap a cute sticker#on it or something. I thought my van kinda sucked af first too despite how proud I was to have bought it#and I still got reaaaallly emotionally attached to it so! who knows what’ll happen#but yeah. can someone explain WHY class b rvs cost THAt Much it’s stupid . things I want should be a lovely little 1000$#car and housd should be 1000$ for me because umm I’m nice and I’m trying really hard? 😔🤨#and it is a luxury that I can even wait a bit to decide since I have a remote job. I’m grateful for that but I’m also going stir crazy#it’ll be fine I just need to whine and Lament#fellow adults that drive sometimes….are we feelin this pain ….car shopping is evil
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RAT WARS preorder arrived. This is pretty much the only album I’ve been listening to since December. Every time I try to shift to another album or band, I just end up coming back to this beast.
#sorry this isn’t like a professional pic or anything 🤷🏻♂️#I know I personally like when people post in depth photos of their cool records but I just don’t got those skills or patience baby squirrel#I’m not exaggerating about only listening to this. I’m so bad about listening to music that I find one band I like and that’s it.#’I’m tired of this album’ I’ve been saying constantly for months and yet it’s 99% of what I listen to#it’s just… so good.#I WILL SAY… I miss their noisier roots. I miss the wild drums.#I wish it was heavier too. or chuggier. or something I don’t know. I love it but I want MORE of everything#also.. one last baby complaint. this took FOREVER to arrive#I completely understand tho. they sold a ton of copies and it takes awhile to finish production and shipping and whatnot.#but it waaaas a little disconcerting when everyone started getting preorders & copies from stores weeks before mine arrived#but that’s just whining. good things are worth the wait.#this is THE album that makes me want to make music. one of those albums where youre like ‘I bet this would be fun to emulate.’ Respectfully#I got the smoky gray one because it seemed to fit the monochrome theme but I’ll be honest. all those red copies made me envious#color coordination is a curse#I think this is also the first CD I’ve bought in years. needed it for redundancy. ya know. car rides. uploading to computer. etc.#anyway. none of this is important.#…this is a good album!#okay I love you goodbye forever#rat wars#mine
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#currently having one of those shits you have to get naked for#curled over the toilet and yelling as quietly as possible#hopefully whatever this is is out of my system before i have to go to lessons tomorrow#would hate to have to call off#i've been pretty consistent about my practice and would like to actually get good at it#also excited to go out for a latte tomorrow and put the lavender flowers i just bought in it. they smell super pungent so should be good#would also like to write or draw sometime soon#have mostly just been playing videogames with my SO when they're home and various homemaking stuff or piano practice when they're not#we desperately need to move out of here which means i need a job which aaaaaaa#i have desperately fucking needed this break after how that place was treating me#hoping to get a work from home job again to make moving easier#also would like to not burn through my entire savings but ey whaddaya gonna do sometimes ya know?#between med bills student loans keeping gas in my car groceries car insurance and whatever the fuck else life throws my way#my decently sized savings will likely dwindle fast#my partner is currently covering my car insurance but like. i pay significantly more than that amount for our shared groceries#maybe double or triple the monthly cost of my car insurance#and they have like 0 bills except the amount taken out paycheckly to have health insurance#hate ever even suggesting to take up more of the load tho#just awkward to talk about#in any event#here's to hoping for a decent wfh job. it's much easier to take care of the home and myself with wfh.
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to anybody who's sent me asks or anything, i promise i'm not ignoring u, i'm just dead inside
#i haven't been able to sit down and focus in two weeks#things are changing at work and in my home life and i'm struggling with both#went to walgreens today for shampoo and impulsively bought hair dye spray stuff#just for fun#and didn't plan on it but sprayed the damn shit in my hair right there in the car#also there's a guy at my workplace that used to stalk me but then he got yelled at by like four of my co-workers#and he's like if you're ever going thru it you can text me#hell fucking no my guy you freak me out#and he just got switched to my work days so now i'm really freaked out#i've had my 2 weeks written since may i might turn it in soon#but am moving soon too and not in a place where i can make so many life changes without having a nervous breakdown#anyway#i promise i'm not ignoring anyone i'm just unable to function as a person rn#ily tho
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