#I was getting kinda worried cuz wat if i didnt experience emotions the same as u guys and wat if il never experience something like that

[millshakes]

Today my mom and i went out, i had some things i still had left to buy, a powerbank and earphones, we used this as an excuse to go out just before i left for uni. It was really fun we walked around we bought some things we even bought like a wagyu skewer thing, it was my first time trying something like that it was really good. We bought like snacks for me for my dorm and yea electronics. In this mall we usually just eat at the same place over and over again, anytime we visit it, but this time we decided to try someplace new. It was sooo good i bought these small chicken tacos and it was literally so good and there was this drink my mom bought called masala chai yea that was good as balls as well. We really did just use it as an excuse to have some fun before i went to uni, even she was a bit hesitant to send me away, since im the youngest and her baby yada yada.

During the ride home, it was kinda quiet, i was mostly just thinking and lowkey dread. I remember seeing a post describing grief- You think you got over grief but on a random tuesday you just break down. I felt that, I could feel like my mental walls start to crack and crumble a little as i got silent. I could feel the feeling in my stomach. I could feel my body being on edge, it was literally so close to like crying and releasing my emotions. However I just couldn't, all the years of bottling up my negative emotions really did a number on me. And so i just sat there feeling the tears well up in my eyes, but not falling.

This continued for another 20 minutes, until along the road I saw my favourite flower. This flower isn't the prettiest, smells the nicest or anything, but I loved it because when I used to walk alot(now my mom doesnt let me cuz of dangerous dudes, which i think is bs but oh well) the route that i usually took there was a path with this type of flower lined across. I loved putting my hand in the bushes as i walked. It was super soft and if it rained there was always some water inside the flower, it just felt lovely to touch. The sight of this flower really did make me start tearing up(BTW GUESS WAT SONG PLAYED 4TH OF JULY BY SUFJAN STEVENS) I kinda regret not crying there idk it just feels like i couldnt.(@kruxton remember when i said theres a high chance of me crying in the first week of me going to uni, nvm it is so gonna happen i feel it).