#just because it’s a social construct doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter

[tinkerbitch69]

I gotta say, as a trans woman, seeing misaki in terminator zero, an a.i. that described herself upon creation as ‘neither male or female’ actively choose to be a woman and ask to be considered as one cuz she felt like it aligned more with her idea of who she is or at least would like to become was so validating, especially in an online climate of ‘gender is bullshit and made up therefore it doesn’t matter’ 🥹

[malloryrowinski]

You're a transphobe!!! You should be embarrassed

Okay this is getting old now. I know you probably won’t read this reply as you’re clearly refusing to educate yourself on what I stand for, but I wanna have this on my blog regardless so here we go.

I’m a radical feminist, and I’m gender critical. Being gender critical means recognizing that gender is a social construct made to keep women, as a class, oppressed on the basis of their sex, and uphold the patriarchy. The sex you’re born with is a fixed set of characteristics and is immutable (this is a fact. Sex is binary, not fluid. before you try to pull the intersex card, @/not-your-intersex-pawn here on Tumblr has posts that will explain this to you in much greater detail than I can, like their response here).

Now, your sex doesn’t say anything about you! It doesn’t mean a single thing, it just recognizes which set of biological characteristics you were born with. It doesn’t indicate your personality, hobbies, likes and dislikes, whatever. You are a whole person and your sex is just your sex. Women are and have been historically oppressed on the basis of their sex. Not because they identified as anything connected to the female sphere, they were forced into this sphere of subordination and yada yada (gender roles!) on the basis of them being born female. 

Gender, on the other hand, is an identity. Even the gendies themselves have lost the plot a little in my opinion as everything regarding gender now is just so… vague? But basically gender is an identity. Some say it’s innate, some say it isn’t. Most agree that you can change your gender, or at least “reclaim” it, if you believe it’s innate and that you were "born in the wrong body". You can claim any gender, actually, and define it however you please. 

Calling me “cis” would be incorrect not because I’m not a woman, but because I’m not part of the gender craze, meaning that’s an ideology I don’t subscribe to altogether. I don’t believe in it. There’s no such thing as gender. I’m just a woman, neither cis nor trans. 

There’s also an additional note that I would like to make here: as long as we as a society recognize gender, we’re gonna have people either conforming to it or resisting it, or claiming a different gender identity. This is basically the same as “as long as catholicism exists, we’re gonna have catholics, atheists, and people either converting to catholicism or abandoning it”. This does not refer to the group of people who go through physical sex dysphoria. This group may choose to access what you would call “gender-affirming care”, which isn’t gender-affirming for them, because they do not have a problem with their gender to begin with, and most of the time don’t even recognize gender as important/real. Their voices have been unfortunately silenced by the “new wave” of TRAs over the past 5 to 10 or so years, and I do not wish to speak on their behalf, you can do your own research on this, or listen to amazing people such as @/buct-reidentified here on Tumblr. 

If you disagree with me and do believe that gender is an important part of oneself - I don’t have a problem with that! You’re entitled to your own opinions just like I am to my own. If you read all this and still think I’m transphobic, I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to help you. 

The reason I don’t include trans women in my feminism isn’t because I don’t respect their identity. But their identity is irrelevant when it comes to a movement focusing on the liberation from sex based oppression. What matters is their sex, whether you like it or not, because women are oppressed on the basis of their sex. You can identify as a trans woman but I genuinely hope that you’ll see how being a trans woman is different than being born with a female body. These two will face radically different experiences and challenges, each unique to that group. 

I do believe that trans people, of any kind, do need their own protections, safe spaces, etc. because they clearly are discriminated against and no one should be able to attack or discriminate against anyone because they don’t agree with their identity/the way they present themselves/whatever. 

I do support the preservation of same-sex spaces for women, but this isn’t rooted in fear of trans women but in protecting women from predatory men who exploit gender theory to gain access to these spaces and harm women. I’m sure we can both agree that these cases have happened and I’m not fear-mongering. This is not because all trans women are predators. This has happened and continues to happen because when you give predators and abusers a chance to be predatory and abusive with little to no repercussion by hiding behind an ideology like the gender one, they are typically eager to take it. Women have a right to their same-sex spaces because of the sex-based oppression they’ve faced throughout centuries. Taking these away or reforming places that are specifically sex-exclusive into inclusive ones is not fair to women and results in a zero-sum game. 

So basically, if you identify as a trans man and want me to accommodate you by using he/him pronouns, I have no problem with that. The same goes for they/them or she/her. I’m happy to respect and use your preferred pronouns because I respect you as a person. However, this doesn’t change my understanding of your biological sex. I simply recognize that you identify as trans, which is part of who you are, and I respect that. You believe in gender and I don’t, that’s okay. If you take it to the “I should be able to access sex-exclusive spaces because I identify as trans”, I would politely explain to you why I disagree with that and what options I believe we should make available instead. 

There a ton of points I haven't touched but that are related to this topic, but this is the basics.

[bevy-obeyme]

*

-cutely walks over to you-

I heard your cries and please for a male/non binary mc ideas. So although I am not a man, or a they/them, what about a transgender mc?

Sure!! I can do that! :3

I’ll make both FTM and MTF!!

Brothers with a Female to Male MC

And for those out there who struggle with body image, I want you to know you’re all so beautiful/handsome. Gender is a social construct and that means YOU have the right to change it however you want!

Trans people, you all have my respect and keep being you because ultimately, this is your life, don’t change it just because someone’s cranky about what you have between your legs!! 🫶

Lucifer

- He respected you whole heartedly - you were his handsome human. Any demon who dare say otherwise may get punished. Horribly.

- For such a sadistic and prideful man, he made sure to be soft for you during this topic. This was important after all. He always conveyed that he loved you no matter what, gender was not even a doubt in his mind.

- As an always professionally dressed person, he’d offer guidance on how to bring out the sharp edge of your eyes or what clothes to layer with what to give off an impression of masculinity.

- Whenever you stood in front of your mirror - feeling so out of place and feminine he would be right there behind you, words gently reassuring that you were his handsome little lamb, his pretty boy and that he wouldn’t have you any other way.

Mammon

- Whilst he wouldn’t go out of his way to become soft- ( he already is anyway ), he always made sure to refer to you with the correct pronouns and nicknames.

- Things like ‘’my man’’, ‘’my bro’’ or even ‘’hot stuff’’.

- For a forgetful and scummy demon, he would never dare misgender you. He knew just how much you struggled transitioning anyway.

- He always made sure to flex you around too - puffing his chest out and bragging about how he had a hot man to himself.

- Whenever some lower class demon even tried to misgender you however, he went ballistic - spewing all kinds of insults and petty comments.

- He truly didn’t mind your gender. He was still your first demon and that’s all that mattered. If you wanted to be a man, then go ahead. At least he wouldn’t have to be ‘the man’ during horror movies.

Leviathan

- Out of all the brothers, he’s the most attentive to this sort of thing. He understands your body dysmorphia end envy - he got it a lot when he cosplayed or watched people feel so comfortable in their gender.

- He’ll always ask you which pronouns you’d prefer, what nicknames you’re fine with, how you want to be complimented and etc. He doesn’t want to mess up with you.

- He took solace in the fact you too struggled with your body image, yet the fact that you were trying made him want to try too. He would support you no matter what. You were his normie.

Satan

- He too is rather attentive. He understands of being born in a circumstance you did not ask for.

- He made sure to compliment you all the time, hell, he’d even read up on this kind of thing to help you.

- He offered to go shopping with you - looking for binders and things to help you look more masculine. Maybe even buy a few self help books to make you feel at ease.

- Satan truly didn’t care for who you were. Externally, you might’ve changed. But you would always be his in his heart and that’s all that mattered.

Asmodeus

- He is super supportive. He will overwhelm you with compliments.

- Asmo himself isn’t the most masculine man. None of his brothers are tip top rough, burly men. Hell, he’s trained to walk in high heels!

- So, he’d always go out shopping with you, he had the best judgement to fashion. He respected you wanting to dress in masculine clothing yet he would always reassure you that clothes didn’t determine anything and he’d still see you as his Prince Charming.

- Secretly, he appreciated the new you. Adored it even. The switch of you possibly being the dominant one made it tantalising.

Beelzebub

- Beelzebub cared very little about how you presented yourself. Man, woman, nonbinary? At the end of the day, you were still his soft human.

- But, he’d make sure to convey his appreciation for your transition. He could admire your bravery to finally come out and confess who you really wanted to be.

- Beelzebub was a lot bigger than you, and noticing how you wanted to cover your curves as much as possible, he’d leave his closet door open anytime. Just to see that smile on your face.

Belphegor

- He too didn’t care much. It didn’t take away how nice you were to cuddle with. You did what you wanted to do.

- He always made sure to show his acknowledgment however, reminding you that you were handsome for a human and how happy it made him to see you smile much more than you did before your transition.

[sethshead]

Annual reminder that Jesus was not Palestinian and that Palestine as legally defined region did not exist at that time, nor did the Palestinian nation. This is empirically documented fact. Jesus was born a Jew and died a Jew in Roman Judea. If “Palestine” was used in some Greek texts to describe the region it was because of the Philistines (who aren’t Arab in origin) having lived here once. I’m now hearing people saying Christianity is Palestinian in origin. This is also sheer idiocy. Even if we allow for the fact that Jesus isn’t the progenitor of Christianity (again he died a Jew, his followers were all Jewish and they defined themselves as a sect of Judaism, not a new religion) and attribute the foundation to Paul and people of his generation, which I would say is true. Paul was born a Jew in Roman Judea and died 70 years before the region was renamed Palestine. Jesus and the founding of Christianity has everything to do with the Jews and zero to do with Palestine and Palestinians. And it goes without saying they have nothing to do with Arabs and Islam, except insofar as Islam tells it story with Jesus (and for that matter Judaism) being part of its origin story, which did not happen until the 600s. I will also point out that those western activists (historically clueless) who are making this claim are actually doing a great disservice to the Palestinian people. Why? Because they are inventing ancient Palestinian history that is easily refutable by fact, as I have just done. Given how easy it is to undermine such claims, when people who don’t know much about the region (but joined the river to the sea crowd because that’s what the cool kids do) learn the truth they will become skeptical about other claims made by Palestinians, some of which are true, some of which deserve acknowledgment. But the American left doesn’t care. They don’t actually care about the Palestinians. They are driven by Jew-hatred, and Zionism is the most convenient demon in their social justice arsenal. They will never help free Palestine. But what they will continue to do is endanger diaspora Jewry, which is their goal, or at least a means to their end. Such was also the case with the Arab regimes who opposed a Jewish state from the very beginning. They weren’t advocating for Palestinians, they were advocating for non Jewish state anywhere min the region. The left has constructed a binary opposition that undergirds their theology that pits the evil oppressive (((Zionists))) against the eternally oppressed Palestinians. Their construct is false, an eschatological theology and nothing else, with both “Zionists” and “Palestinians” being little more than constructs they have thrown together to advance their revolutionary (and profoundly anti-Western) agenda. But if they want to claim Palestinians as the progenitors of Christianity then, well, let me point out, that “Christianity” persecuted the Jews severely at least until the early modern era and in some parts of Europe far beyond that time, culminating in The Holocaust. So sure, you want to claim Jesus for Palestine, then you also acquire all the baggage that comes with him.

-- Jarrod Tanny

It’s all just another form of supersession.

[nekropsii]

I have a very genuine question and I come with no intent of provoking anyone, but what do "masculine" and "feminine" mean if we don't go by stereotypes like wearing skirts and bows or having a certain attitude? Or are you saying that wearing pants is masculine is an outdated concept? I can understand that man and woman go well beyond presentation and stereotypes, but I thought masculine and feminine meant just that.

Gender is an ever evolving social construct and complete genuine horseshit, but there are some declarations of what is and is not belonging to a certain gender presentation that are wildly outdated. So yes, I’m saying that “wearing pants makes a woman manly” is outdated, because it literally fucking is. That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time. Maybe that would mean something in a piece of media from the god damn 1800’s, but it doesn’t mean shit now, and it’s patently ridiculous to act like most women don’t have a pair of fuckin’ pants in their wardrobe in the year of 2024 in the continent of America.

To look at a woman who is hyper-feminine and declare her masculine on the principle that she is wearing fucking pants is weird and sexist because no normal person thinks that way without themselves also being sexist, often to a very substantial and oppressive degree. There’s women’s pants. There is a women’s pants aisle. Do you earnestly think a pair of bedazzled bellbottoms with BABYGIRL printed on the ass and no pockets and zero crotch room is intended for men to wear? Because they’re not. Like, I’d love for men to wear that shit, obviously, but it’s demonstrably not intended for them to wear - again, zero crotch room, no pockets. Women’s pants are a real thing that exist and they’re notoriously built differently from men’s pants. And by differently I mean often built like shit, and this is why some women, regardless of gender presentation, will shop in the men’s pants aisle, and this does literally nothing to damage their own femininity.

In the context of Meenah, it is even worse to declare that she is masculine purely on the basis that she is wearing fucking pants, Jesus shitting fuck Christ, because she’s very, very clearly Black coded. This dips straight into Misogynoir, quite clearly. A big part of Meenah’s character is her femininity, but she’s often labeled as masculine purely for stupid shit like “being mean” and “wearing pants”. It smacks of how every Black woman has to fight just to be seen as herself, because society so often strips people of the choice to be perceived how they wish to be seen on bigoted grounds. Black women are frequently labeled as manly no matter how feminine they are on the basis of them not performing femininity to white standards - not quiet, prim, dainty, minimalist, subservient.

Any little thing gets a Black woman’s Woman Card yanked from her hands. “Too loud”? Scary, manly. “Too mean”? Aggressive, manly. “Dressed wrong”? Sloppy, oversexual, manly. It’s practically the default form of Misogynoir. And here people are, proudly declaring it and defending it using some logic that only works in the 1950’s and back, or proudly declaring that saying that wearing pants makes a woman more masculine by default is a totally normal thing to say by pulling out some absolute Spiders Georg examples. Tone deaf.

It’s… Really not that difficult to parse, but Tumblr has an issue with recognizing any form of misogyny or racism, especially in itself, Jesus Christ, so… What can one expect.

[weatherfey]

I think a lot about the way Dorian used to see Cyrus as the perfect older brother, the perfect prince; the way Dorian felt free to go and find himself because Cyrus was capable and dependable and ready to be a leader. That isn’t the Cyrus we see! But I think it’s a lot more interesting, for both Cyrus and Dorian, to take that seriously. They’re princes, and we don’t know what that means because we haven’t seen their home, but socially a court is an elaborately constructed farce. And of course it can be easier to be competent in any familiar environment, but I also think it’s easier to know how you fit within a court environment specifically because there is an overwhelming number of factors to define yourself against and they all have expectations of you, and if they aren’t suffocating you like some kind of spider’s web then it might be perfect, like being a star in a constellation, or just the right puzzle piece. I think it’s reasonable to think that Cyrus was something like who Dorian thought he was, at home; except that Cyrus, like Dorian, wanted to choose the things he’s defining himself against. And I think it’s meaningful that he got swindled in the immediate aftermath of discarding that constellation of puzzle pieces. He was a fool (beloved), but it happened in the first blush of freedom, when he was just starting to figure out who he was or wanted to be without all that defined expectation, which is also - not coincidentally - the state Dorian was in when the spider queen sunk her fingers into his heart and twisted his alignment. The ‘hello world! uh oh’ of it all is something they had in common.

(Something they both had in common with Opal, too.)

I do think it’s interesting to look at Dorian’s sense of responsibility in light of this. I almost think Orym was a kind of north star for Dorian through parts of EXU prime, and I ship them, but it really felt like one of the things that made him able to reject the spider queen is that Orym needed him to. I think he wanted to be someone Orym could rely on, but I think Orym’s regard mattered to him because they genuinely had that protective urge in common - the pathway the spider queen used to skitter in was Dorian’s desire to protect his friends. And that drive to protect added a lot of poignancy to the in-universe reason that Dorian couldn’t return to bell’s hells after Cyrus’s debts were repaid, not just because Cyrus was still getting his legs under him but also because Opal needed help. That’s responsibility, again - he’s finishing what they started. Duty, obligation, but this time he’s chosen who and what he’s beholden to. Like maybe he’s chosen a new version of a puzzle piece that he might have thought he was throwing out entirely when he chose freedom and walked away from home.

I loved that Fearne’s vision also haunted Dorian; he misses her, and it also feels like a solid way to illustrate the spider queen’s effect on Dorian, that the danger of his own corruption has rarely been something he had the luxury to think about. His friends have always needed him. I don’t know if he had time to process his aborted fall during his time in Zephrah, or if there’s still something underneath, but I think it’s telling that this fear doesn’t look like Opal, the one literally bleeding ichor from her forehead; it predates that, it started before Opal was the one to worry about.

And I think he knows he didn’t fail them - Cyrus, Opal, Fy’ra - accidental thunder damage notwithstanding - but, with the way he felt through that suggestion spell and its aftermath, I don’t really know what to make of his abandoning Dariax. It’s a little hard to look at that and not see a drive to isolate. Determined to leave him with a good memory, but most of all, to leave. He started that one-shot interlude having just admitted to himself that he was longing to be Somewhere Else, but I almost wonder if he still would have gone back to bell’s hells if Orym hadn’t asked.

(God, the suggestion spell. The way they processed it was hurtful to me personally. Dariax immediately shifting from ‘won’t leave Opal!’ to ‘let’s go! Opal has a plan’ kind of broke my heart, and I actually think that the spell could have worked on Dorian by just making what was really happening feel reasonable - the last shred of your friend is trying to save you, and you can’t save her from anything except becoming your murderer, so you should do that. But the spell can’t make sense out of abandoning Cyrus’s body, so Dorian just goes numb with grief and rage. Mass suggestion is 24 hours. That is 24 hours of numbness, and rage, and walking, and walking, and walking, and every once in awhile Dariax’s voice, friendly and steady and sure, ‘Opal has a plan.’ And at the end of it the ability to feel returns, but he’s so tired, and he hurts, and everything hurts too much to think about, and poor Dariax probably stops in his tracks, just ‘Dorian? What was Opal’s plan?’)

And he really was so angry. It’s interesting to wonder if that’s still under the surface. He immediately turned to levity - for their sake, and his own - but that moment where the group tells him who killed Will and Derrig, and Robbie instantly wrote down Otohan’s name, didn’t just read like a player taking notes, to me, it read like Dorian putting a name in a ledger. I think it’s easy to let that go because he learns that she’s dead in the very next moment, but I think Dorian felt a weird kind of relief for that half-second, because so much of his anger at what happened to Cyrus and Opal was from being forced to acknowledge that there wasn’t anyone easy to blame, except perhaps a god; and blaming a god is like blaming the universe. What a relief, however short lived, to be faced with a problem you can solve.

[spearsndragons]

i hate it when asoiaf fans try to deny the racism against dornish people in canon.

“race is a social construct!” YES! “race doesn’t exist in the asoiaf world like it does in reality…” uhhh say that to alleras when leo tyrell described his mom as “a monkey from the summer isles.” how people stereotype dornishmen as small and dark with beady eyes. how tyrion complained of how dornish smelled. it’s been established canonically how most westerosi characters viewed non-white people and foreigners.

sure, some of dornish are white and white-passing, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they are mostly brown and black people??? just like how africa, middle east, asia, latin america and many oppressed regions are? GRRM has written MANY, MANY times how much the rest of westeros “other”s them. we’ve seen them reduce dorne as a land of sex and hedonism, which parallels to how the western world viewed (and many still view) asia and the middle east. they see them as “less civilized.”

when myriah martell became daeron’s wife, the kingdoms were quick to shit on her because she brought dornish people to her court. when elia married rhaegar, people thought she was unworthy to marry the beloved, handsome, white prince because of her health and her dornishness.

don’t get me started on the whole “elia would have been okay being cheated on! dornish are okay with extramarital affairs and bastards!” like do you guys not hear yourself??? this hyper-sexualization is literally a classic racist trope.

and i’m certain grrm intended to write it this way to show that racism, in fact, exists in westerosi life and dominates in their politics, just as in real life. he’s even said before he considered giving targaryens dark skin: “I’d had dark-skinned dragonlords invade and conquer and dominate a largely white Westeros.” so him making dorne, a largely non-white population, being the only one to resist conquest and the only kingdom to join westeros on their own terms, is very much intended.

too many fucking fans reduce our arguments to us “pulling the race card.” well guess what? BECAUSE IT MATTERS. just as racism is embedded in our society, everything about how this fandom and characters view dorne go back to race and racism. just because you can’t admit to yourself that you’re upholding white supremacy ideals doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

YOU CANNOT DENY THAT RACE AND CULTURE ARE IMPORTANT ELEMENTS IN ASOIAF.

DORNE BEST KINGDOM! MARTELL BEST HOUSE! IDC IDC! WHO ELSE IN WESTEROS SAID FUCK YOU TO THEIR COLONIZERS AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE?

(i can say more on the matter but i will just get more heated and end up writing a 10 page essay. when i tell you the law student in me comes alive when i have to defend dorne-)

[genderkoolaid]

(different person than last anon) can you give us like actual scientific papers that "nonhumans" are real and not just ppl that need a lot of psychological help? bc like while gender + sex can be very diverse and change w the individual, species is extremely specific and thats why shit like making crossbreeds is so insanely hard and they usually end up infertile bc the genes arent meant to be combined. n also the only example i can think of of any other species having "i am not the species i was born as" thoughts is that one female monkey that was raised so close w people she thought she was a person and she would refuse to breed w any of her primate species bc of it. you would call that mental illness in that monkey because she cannot be a person in a monkey body, just like someone can't be a dog or angel or horse in a human body, so why do you not consider being "nonhuman" also a mental illness?

can you please explain about alterhumanity? I don’t mean to be negative, I don’t understand… “there are only two sexes” is wrong because biology knowledge we have today actually doesn’t support that. did modern taxonomy find out something similar about humans? that’s very interesting, I don’t know a lot about it! but if you do I’d love to read that research!

So I think "there are only two sexes" isn't the best example; the comparison is more like "people can't change their gender because gender is whats in your pants"

Yes, we can look at chromosomes and hormones and sexual organs, and that stuff is related to gender. But to say "gender/sex is a construct" does not mean "chromosomes/hormones/sex organs don't exist." Its pointing out that our relationship to those things is culturally dependent (I wouldn't say "unnatural" because humans making social constructs is natural).

Similarly, we do divide up species based on reproduction and common ancestors. But "humanity" is also a construct. What it means to be human & who is defined as human can and does change depending on our culture. Not only can some people be excluded from humanity (for example, people of color and neurodivergents), but some people believe they are spiritually nonhuman (whatever that means for them). Some people who have been rejected from humanity identify as alterhuman as a way of saying "you don't want me, then I don't want you" (voidpunk is related to this although not inherently alterhuman). Some people are delusional and identify with alterhumanity as a way of coping with their delusions (and also, yes, you can be self-aware about your delusions). Some people believe in reincarnation or alternate universes or have some other spiritual belief related to being nonhuman. Some people just feel like dogs and enjoy being a dog and it doesn't matter why because they just like it.

Honestly, the monkey does sound like a monkey-version of alterhuman, because (if I can get a little anthropomorphize-y on y'all), it sounds like she did not feel apart of "monkey culture." Obviously we can't know if monkeys have a concept of monkey-hood like we do with humanity, but if they did it would not be hard to imagine how a monkey raised with humans would feel more human than monkey. But regardless... we don't need other species to have alter-species-hood for the same reason we don't need snails to crossdress for trans people to exist. Other animals probably don't have the same complex. abstract social constructs we do.

Why can't someone be a horse in a human body? For the same reason someone can't be a man in a woman's body- because "science says"? Both trans-denial and alterhuman-denial emphasizes biology over sociological investigation, which leads people to just keep shouting "but science!!!!!!!!!!" at people who are more invested in questions of culture and constructs and what it means to be [man/woman/human] in society.

(Also, I'm kind of uncomfortable with how the first ask talks about mental illness. Specifically "person believes harmless weird thing, so they must need Psychological Help for their Wrong Thoughts")

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

i feel like the Charlie conspiracy board meme rn because I swear to god, I know deep in my bones that Taash is going to be transgender — it’s just a matter of whether she’s transgender in a way that’s familiar to us.

Like okay okay hear me out, we all agree gender is a social construct, right? Well a key thing you’ve gotta remember about the Qunari is it’s extra explicit in their edicts that it’s a social construct — your gender is determined by your role in Qun society, and your genitalia does not inherently assign you a role. This is straight from the DA Wiki on the topic:

To this point, the Qunari warriors we’ve seen have been all men. So the question becomes what does it mean to be “socially treated as male” to the Qun? Does that include pronouns? And what’s Taash’s connection with the Qunari — is she a follower, or a Tal-Vashoth?

If I was writing this, she’d be a tal-vashoth trans woman who left the Qun because she’s so adept at fighting that the Qun wouldn’t let her transition — which for Qunari would require a change of role in society rather than a physical alteration. But she doesn’t WANT to give up her role. She WANTS to be a fighter AND recognized as a woman, but Qunari society cannot reconcile a woman in the military, because that would require them to reexamine their entire societal structure.

Do you see it??? Do you see what I’m getting at???? Bioware, fucking hire me this INSTANT.

[joocomics]

ok so I come with txt and wayv thoughts that will be broken up between two asks but first can I PLEASE be tagged in the gunil and junhan fics for your event? I’m gonna check them all out but I’m extra excited for those two (especially professor gunil dear GOD)

Ok so wayv:

I think about service dom kun so much, like he’s always exuded “I’ll take care of you and all your needs” energy and that doesn’t stop in the bedroom (Kun has been my bias since 2020 so bear with me, I have a lot of thoughts)

he’d be hard to convince to edge you simply because he wants to give you every possible orgasm you could handle but he’d also be down to do it simply because it’s what you want him to do

I’m all for bratty sub ten AND mean dom ten, I believe in the duality of man and I have nothing else to say on the matter

Back to kun, he’s always given me sit back and let you do whatever you want to him vibes. Like until he’s so hard that he can’t take it anymore and he decides to take control, you could straddle him and get off on his thigh, make out with him until both of your mouths are literally tired, it doesn’t matter.

Hendery used to be my bias and I had a time period where I thought about him being a dom leaning switch so much it’s sick. Like he’d always prefer to be the dom but he would never say no if you wanted to take control for the night

Yangyang is the brattiest of bratty subs and I won’t take constructive criticism on that one. Like being that bratty wouldn’t even necessary turn him on that much more than not being a brat, he just does it for fun and to see you get pissed off because he likes it when you get mean

I would love to provide something about winwin but he’s one of those people my brain has never thought about sexually. Don’t get it mistaken though, I want him.

Actually I just remembered a friend telling me she thinks he’d be a hard dom because, in her words, “he’s way too emotionally controlled in 4k to not have a bitch he’s fucking ruthlessly at home” and I have to agree

Xiaojun also gives me switch energy (emphasis on hard dom and good little whiny sub) but you didn’t hear that from me (I’d scream it from the rooftops if it was socially acceptable)

first off, thank you SO freaking much for feeding me this well oh my god??? your mind??? and yes, of course you can, i’m adding you straight away! tysm for the support i hope you enjoy reading them <3

service dom!kun who’s overstimulation > edging sounds exactly like him and sounds amazing; especially if we mix it with your other thought about him letting you do whatever you want to him during your long heated foreplay. you’ve been kissing till your lips are puffy with a tint of red and till he’s solid hard in his pants from your on-going grinding which his hands thoroughly supported by remaining present and firm on your hips

but before that, your mouth was all over his body - up and down his bare chest, marking his pale skin with lipstick stains and possessive hickeys, because how can you not get obsessive over that body? service dom!kun seeing you gush and drool over his figure with the urge to leave physical signs that it’s all yours unlocks his body worship kink every time

it makes sense that after he gets his hands on you he can only keep going; expressing his affection and gratitude by giving you an orgasm after an orgasm, mind numbing and toe curling orgasms that also result in his muscled back getting painted with red scratches. me thinks, he loves when your nails sink deeper and he can feel slight stinging pain, it only makes him thrust even harder

unlike kun i can see dom!ten having so much fun edging you; doesn’t matter if it’s with his fingers (and i can bet they got skills), with his cock or a toy, he loves stealing those good orgasms away from you and watching you squirm and beg. he uses the moment of you catching your breath to make it even more of a challenge for you by running his nails up and down your skin, spanking you and biting different parts of your aroused body because that’s what sluts like you get

i agree on ten being both bratty sub and a mean dom, but i just can’t bring myself to focus on his submissive side right now when all on my mind after those emo teaser pics is him fucking your mouth and slapping you every time you gag or pull back before he told you to. he can be so mean, yanking your head back by pulling on your hair and relishing the way you drool on the floor

ten seems like the type of boyfriend to buy a dildo so he can teach you how to deepthroat properly and he will not go easy on you - because you’re not gonna use it yourself, he’ll be the one pushing it in and out of your mouth while you earn condescending comments on how small it is

gonna try to not to be biased here, but for me hendery is definitely a dom who loves giving and receiving equally, it all depends on the mood really. definitely doesn’t mind swallowing his pride and going submissive for you whenever you want it. he can be cheeky and disobey you few times for the giggles but eventually falls apart cause you know all his weak spots </3 he’s so vocal when he stays still, letting you play with him however you like, it’s beautiful

ah you are speaking my language… we are so on the same wavelength so far it’s crazy. yangyang is the perfect brat and he can be so annoying (in an arousing way) when he’s submissive, but he can also be so annoying when he’s dominant? he gets off on a heated sex where you’re at each other’s throats (literally and metaphorically). being rough and perverse with one another, challenging each other instead of giving yourselves what you want the easy way. bantering and calling each other names. he can get nasty and he’s obsessed that you can match his freak and be the same amount of nasty. the fact you’re deeply in love makes all of these things even more exciting to experience

cannot continue the post without mentioning how freaking hot makeup sex with yangyang would be 🫠 personally, i’m not one who believes makeup sex is the “best sex of your life”, but i know he can change my mind. it would be intense, sweaty, loud, maddening. he’d be gripping you tightly, cussing and biting your lip and you’d be able to taste that he’s still affected from the argument. bonus points if you don’t even make it to the bedroom… you’re in the kitchen… or on the couch… or you were having a very serious talk in a cafe, but couldn’t bother waiting to arrive home so you end up doing it on the backseat of your/his car

every time i hear hard dom!winwin i shed a happy tear from excitement. i feel like there’s a pretty high chance that he wants to show you how dominant and powerful he can be. because he’s the cute, shy and soft spoken, giggly winwin, right? he can never be mean. well… that’s debatable. in the bedroom, where it’s just the two of you, and there’s lust and established trust, he unleashes a part of him that’s reserved only for you

i see him switching between obedient sub and hard dom because i can’t picture winwin as a soft dom to be honest. yes, he praises you and gazes at you in awe when you’re fucking in a slower rhythm, but even then the mood is on the playful nasty side, not on the romantic/sensual one. you’re always greedy for each other so sex with him is very rarely soft. he gets off on your naughty attitude which only encourages him further to freely express his own. winwin wants rough and obsessive and if you get it, you get it!

i would be right next to you on the rooftop if you decide to scream that xiaojun is both a hard dom and a whiny sub one day because i agree. i’ll be honest with you, i opened my heart to subby xiaojun rather recently and i think i’m changing as a person. he gives the vibes off someone who can be cheeky and so romantic during foreplay, but then half an hour later is on his knees unable to deny you a thing no matter how filthy it is, or dare i say, degrading…

but i’m very into the idea of him being a soft dom too - xiaojun can do it all and that’s just facts! especially early in the mornings whenever he wakes up next to you and you’re sleeping in his oversized shirt. in those moments he definitely swoons very hard over the realisation you’re all his, and he gets to kiss you every day. that’s when he touches you very softly and makes you roll your eyes back through a mellow, but nonetheless passionate sex

[chriscassarcentral]

I had a new follower on my hobby blog that stated “radfem sympathizer”, which my first reaction is to become a question mark, thinking “I guess maybe they didn’t see enough of my blog or fics to realize that ideology does not sympathize at all with mine”, shocked me so much I had double check into their blog if somehow I’m not reading wrong their bio, but nope I did see stuff that confirmed they agree with stuff that made my figurative hackles rise. Like, you know, invalidating trans women, trans “ideology”, or the inclusion of intersex people in the community.

There was one thing, however, that made me pause, because it raised a point I never thought deeper into, which has a certain irony because they accuse of not thinking deeper into something, but it’s their post that personally made me think deeper into it and think of counter argument. Which, you know, is opposite of what the post meant to do since supposedly they’re proving we can’t state two specific things at the same time (while using a trans woman as example, because of course that's going to be their target).

So the post in question criticize supposedly double thinking that doesn’t make sense, where you can’t state “gender is a social construct” at the same time as stating you are trans (or in this case, trans woman). That if you state the first thing, you’re supposedly “a man who likes to dress feminine, since gender is performative according to you”, and if you state the second thing, you’re “a woman in nature and it’s not performative/a construct”. What made me pause isn’t that I agreed, but that I realized I personally hadn’t thought about the nuance between the inherent feeling of your gender, and the aspect that is purely socially constructed.

Note that, obviously, this is what I feel like, it was a bit hard to word but I hope it’s expressed well enough. I realized that the statement “gender is a social construct”, for me, relates to the expectations others have about each gender, whereas the statement you personally make about how you feel about your gender, it’s just you expressing how you feel.

In other words, gender is an identity, the way you inherently feel about yourself, however gender has been given a social construct when we were weighed under expectations of how you are supposed to dress like, behave, etc depending on who you feel you are. To be specific, the social construct aspect of gender started as placing expectations on each newborn based on whether they were considered born masculine or feminine, then when the community made us aware of the rights of people who aren't cis, the social construct still remains lurking because it still places expectations on what you’re supposed to wear, be like, etc depending which gender you express your identity to be.

For example: expecting non-binary people to appear androgyn is a type of social construct since others expect people of a certain gender to “perform” a certain way to “fit” their perception of what the gender identity is. Another example: expecting trans women to be feminine is a type of social construct, as again, other people expect them to “perform” feminine. Not all people who have expectations mean ill, or might realize it, and it can be hard when you do realize it and try to not place expectations. Because for many generations our societies have placed expectations so it’s kind of hard programmed into us to expect all sorts of things. It’s a matter of recognizing all of that, and working to self-check, recognize that people of any identity can express themselves in any way they want.

So yeah, my conclusion is how “gender is a social construct” is a statement about others (the expectations others have of how each gender is supposed to be like is what “social construct” means), whereas gender identity and gender expression is all about you, and only you: who you feel you are inherently, and how you wish to personally express this. And how you wish you express who you are should not be limited in any way, you are who you are no matter what.

On a side topic: I do believe people can take time to figure out their identity, in large part due to all the social expectations, however the experiences of individuals does not invalidate the experience of others. For example, someone who realize they might not be cis, and identify as trans, yet later realizes they aren’t trans and are cis, does not invalidate all the people who are genuinely trans or “prove” anything in regards to this “just being a phase” or “just cis people trying to escape social construct”. This can be the real experience of cis people where they are uncertain, and I dare say it’s specifically because they spend time identifying as trans they were able to affirm they weren’t trans, and if they were never allowed to do this, they would have stayed uncertain. Still, ending up returning to identifying as cis doesn’t invalidate people who identity as trans and never change that, the same way never changing your identity doesn’t invalidate people who do end up changing the way they identity as.

So yeah, I didn’t expect myself to make a post like this today, but hey, I guess the timing is perfect, right? Happy Pride to all of you, whether allies or part of the community, closed or out, remember that your personal feelings of who you are and your experiences are valid, and how you want to express yourself is for you to choose!

[seriousbrat]

it’s so interesting to see how the interpretation of teen (boy) behavior in books has changed since they were written. it’s mostly for the better, but i think it does cause some people to refuse to engage in good faith with the source material, or on its own terms. i’ve loved hp since i was a kid, but i had never interacted at all with the fan side of things until maybe a year ago, and it was very odd (on the whole — which is why i’ve mostly just stuck to a handful of blogs with great fics and meta, like yours) to see how a lot of the text is taken now, compared to how my friends and i understood it at the time. i think its totally fair — and good, on a cultural level — to point out that the boy who pulls your pigtails isn’t being cute, and your male friend being in love with you doesn’t mean you owe him anything. but it’s also like … kind of intentionally closing the eyes to how these parts of the story are meant to come across? and i am not coming in here as some kind of “boys will be boys” person, but teenagers are messy in their relationships and their friendships, and more relevantly, it’s very clear what types of dynamics are being presented by the text. and it can be fun to pick apart what kinds of narratives are meant to be taken as romantic in different stories written in different times/places and why, but to look at the story on a story level you’ve got to also work with what it gives you.

Yes I think you make a very good point! I agree and personally I think both Snape and James would be written slightly differently if they were written today. Also, imo there's an element of wishful thinking coupled with naivety (and this has always existed tbf) when people who haven't ever been cis teenage boys try to write cis teenage boys haha. Like the 'closing of eyes' isn't always intentional. I know I keep going on about the Inbetweeners but I literally think watching that as a teen myself gave me an insight that I can never take back about what teenage boys are like haha.

Like this isn't to say that teenage boys are all exactly alike, or that there's some inherent, natural difference between boys and girls in terms of mentality or personality, but there is a social difference, generally speaking, a constructed one that happens because boys and girls are raised and socialised in a patriarchy. It's obviously not universal at all, and that's not even accounting for trans kids and the complexities they face, because even among cis boys and girls or men and women there's endless variety, and gender absolutely does not determine personality, interests, etc. Unfortunately it does influence them, though, that's our reality.

In terms of fiction, especially fanfic, obv one is free to do as they please. But there is such a thing as narrative voice, which can be an important thing to consider. Again when it comes to fanfiction it Does Not Matter that much, it's for fun, but in published fiction (or if you care about quality ig) it just is something you should consider. This is where the 'Men Writing Women' thing comes in, where you read something so obviously written by a man who doesn't understand how women (generally) think or speak or act at all. And in our patriarchal society such usually ends up being offensive and has often been overlooked and accepted when it shouldn't be. I don't think it's helpful to pretend men can't write women either, since plenty of male authors write female characters beautifully and the rest shouldn't be let off the hook. If you can't write women, skill issue and you shouldn't be published.

Anyway it's vastly more forgivable and understandable, and it pains me to say it but I think you can sometimes tell when it's a woman writing a man or a boy too. I will say on the whole I think women are better at writing men than the reverse haha, probably because we've been socialised to empathise with men whereas boys are not taught (by society) to empathise with women. Maybe women even empathise a little too much tbh. Maybe that's the problem, like we subconsciously over-project our ideals onto male characters, making them too nice, too woke, too cuddly, too sweet, because that's what we want to see, and leaving out the nastier elements that are so common. Again, that's not necessarily a problem!! Only if you're trying to create a realistic, effective portrayal of a certain (average) type of teenage boy-- which you don't have to do. I'd raise my eyebrows at an unrealistic portrayal much more in published fiction than fanfiction personally.

And ofc you can always choose to write a character who diverges from the accepted norm, but to do so effectively has to be a deliberate choice and done thoughtfully. For a boy like James, who is very average, the norm, he's decent enough but no Woke Feminist King haha. He's not meant to be.

Anyway, I think that's why the Marauders et al (including Death Eaters lol) are nowadays often portrayed like sweet little babies who all cuddle and take care of each other and respect women LOL. Like whatever, it's escapism haha, it's understandable. But sometimes I do think a lot of these people have never really interacted with many gay men or know what their culture is like. lmao. straight men maybe, but in a limited way. if you've ever had the misfortune to be with a group of cishet men who are talking freely with each other you'll know what I mean. again this is GENERAL. and socially constructed, not inherent. but very common nevertheless.

[subnautica-reviews]

Welcome to total drama persona. I’ve pit three teams of persona users (well, two teams of all persona users and one team that has a goddess but they needed an 8th member) against each other through the challenges of total drama island 2007 tosee who comes out on top. Since there’s three teams, i’m putting in AS’ spa hotel as a reward for the winning team, while the losing team has to vote someone off.

For our teams we have:

Not So Happy Campers:

The three teams will first compete in a cliffdive competition. The team with the most divers gets carts that make bringing crates to base camp easier. There they’ll construct hot tubs from the parts in the crates. The team who has the best hot tub in Chris McLean(the host)’s opinion wins.

The cats win the carts, cause even Futaba would probably jump, given that she always goes directly with the thieves through all their dungeon crawling adventures. Given these are the Royal thieves, they’re all making huge leaps in palaces n stuff.

I also think that the bears are more likely to get all their members off the cliff cause Chie would just push everyone. I doubt Fuuka or Yukari’s jumping without any pressure though, meaning the dogs have more chicken hats.

The dogs would get their carts to camp before the bears cause they have more strong members. Also the bears have the least techsperience of anyone here, so their hot tub is easily the worst.

The cats win here not because of tech, cause fuuka is the most techsperienced person competing, but because Yusuke painted their hot tub, which Chris thought looked nice, meaning the cats get luxury tonight.

The bears have to vote someone off. They’re voting their bear.

Marie survives because Teddie likely said something out of pocket (as he usually does). 7-1 vote, most likely.

The Big Sleep:

The first part doesn’t matter. The challenge is simple. Stay awake as long as possible. First team to be fully asleep loses. Last team to still have members/a member awake wins spa hotel.

Aigis is actually first to fall asleep, cause she’s on a 24 hour timer. Nobody else is, though Ken isn’t exactly far behind.

Between the cats and dogs i feel like being able to pull an all nighter in the metaverse is more impressive than any staying awake feats sees has. Sees has fuuka’s ten day stay in tartarus, but that was 10 hours for her. The thieves had at least twelve in Maruki’s palace. Tl;dr Dogs Lose.

The bears win against the cats though, cause goddesses don’t sleep. Tl;dr Marie sweep. IT get luxury.

Alliances formed. For the dogs: Yukari and Mitsuru formed an alliance. Fuuka and Junpei formed an alliance. Ken, akihiko and shinji formed one (we are assuming post femc still alive shinji).

For the bears: Chie and Yukiko (obviously). Kanji and Naoto (begrudgingly on Naoto’s part) and nobody else.

For the cats: Futaba and Yusuke (+Akechi, because Futaba’s scheming). Ann, Haru and Makoto formed one. Ryuji and Sumire just kinda paired up cause there’s nobody else willing to work with either.

Futaba tells Akechi to convince Ken to get the dogs to vote off Aigis. Akechi understands how that’d be advantageous and uses is best detective prince smile while speaking to Ken. Ken’s strong social position allows him to also get Fuuka and Junpei in on the vote.

Meaning that in a (probably) 5-2-1 vote (idk who Aigis, Yukari and Mitsuru voted for tbh) Aigis goes home. If only she had a more durable battery.

Dodgebrawl:

The challenge is slightly different. The teams will be doing 7 v 7 games of dodgeball (One Cat sits out). Team with most wins gets luxury. Team with least wins votes someone off.

Initially Futaba sits out cause she sucks at physical activity. During the Dogs v Cats game however, Ryuji loses his footing because of his knee injury, costing the Cats the match. They make him sit out the next match.

First the dogs face the bears though. Easy win for the dogs. The bears have hard hitters like Chie and Kanji but it’s not enough.

The cats, now with futaba instead of Ryuji cause he’s injured, now face the bears. It’s tense. Chie and Kanji hit like trucks, but so do Makoto and Yusuke. Yosuke almost dodges everything, but a well timed Sexy Technique❤️ sacrifice play from Ann takes Yosuke out of the game. At that point, the Cats’ numbers advantage overwhelms Chie and Kanji.

Rise decides to work on an alliance with Yosuke. She also convinces Naoto and Kanji to help her with a vote against Marie (Rise doesn’t like Marie). Chie and Yukiko vote Rise with Marie (Chie and Marie don’t like Rise).

4-3 vote sends the Bears’ goddess home despite the fact that she carried them last episode, all because Rise was a little annoyed by her.

Not Quite Famous

Talent show. Each team sends three acts. Each act gets judged. Team with the most points by the end wins, team with least points sends someone home.

The Dogs: Akihiko wants to punch something very hard hard and break it. Junpei plans to hold another Junpei’s Believe it or don’t. Finally they decide Shinji should cook.

The Bears: Kanji’s making a plushy. Rise’s singing and… idk Chie’s doing backflips or something.

The Cats: Yusuke’s painting, Ann’s modelling and Sumire’s doing a gymnastics routine.

While the performances are happening, Futaba gets to work on Ryuji. She convinces him that the girl’s alliance is planning to boot him. She suggests that he and Sumire vote for Ann tonight, should the cats lose, as Ann’s their weakest link. Ryuji agrees, mostly to save his own skin.

In an attempt to make herself useful, Yukari decides to sabotage one of the other performances, specifically Yusuke’s paint. As a result, the Cats have a rough start. Junpei’s believe it or don’t also doesn’t hit with the audience that well. Chie’s backflips are ironically the winner of the first round. Futaba saw Yukari sabotage the paint, since she planted the paint there in hopes someone’d try the sabotage.

Akihiko, Kanji and Ann all do pretty well. Ann’s Sexy Technique❤️ gets the cats their first points. The other teams are still ahead though.

Finally, Shinji’s cooking and Rise’s singing knock it out of the park. Sumire unfortunately messes up part of her routine. Rise got 1 point more than Shinji though, making the Bears this episode’s winner. The Cats lose, meaning they finally have to send their first person home.

Futaba talks to the girls alliance and tells them about Akechi talking to Ken and about Yukari sabotaging the Cats, insinuating that Akechi’s falling back on old habits and betraying his team. The girls agree to vote Akechi. Futaba also tells Yusuke and Akechi to vote Ann. Akechi’s getting a tad sus but plays his part for now. Futaba throws her own vote on Ryuji.

4-3-1 vote, Ann goes home. Futaba mentions that she voted Akechi as intended. Akechi, noticing Futaba’s plan, claims to have voted Ryuji. Makoto and Haru are made to be suspicious of one another.

[ghostlyfleur]

hi! <3

quick question: what do you think steve would get his gf for her birthday/christmas?

oh, i love thinkin’ ‘bout it

steve always thinks he’s hopeless when it comes to occasions that social construct tell you require a gift. it’s like his mind goes blank.

he’s a lot better at random gift giving. the ones he sees somewhere and immediately thinks of you or the flowers he impulsively buys you or picks out of someone’s front yard or something he thinks you need, so he doesn’t even considers those gifts, per say. therefore, when he believes he has to buy something for a specific occasion he goes a little overboard at first, sorta drives himself crazy over it, maybe buys you jewelry ‘cause that’s always acceptable, right? that’s what he sees everywhere that are the suitable gifts for special occasions, right?

but after the first time he gets you something stereotypical and expensive because he’s freaking out and you make him return it?, he calms down. you appreciate the gesture, truly, and you tell him so, but you hate that he gave himself so much anxiety and fear over something he’s already so good at when it counts. ‘cause you “don’t need pricey stuff, stevie, just you” or “the little things you get ‘cause they remind you of me are more than enough” or “even if you give me something extremely cheap steve knows you’ll like or it reminds him of you, you’ll cherish it for the rest of your life!”

steve was raised in a house where his father showered his mother in expensive things instead of affection and love that in the end meant nothing, and he’s seen relationships where diamonds and money were all the other person cared about, so since he has money? since a lot of girls before you like his money more than him? he felt like his usual gifts wouldn’t be enough for a date as special as christmas, perhaps. deep down, he knew his partner cared about him in ways no one has before, that the money didn’t matter, but his insecurities got the best of him.

he loves you so much, though. and you just reminded him once more that you loved him too, despite the money.

so now he gives you the things you truly like, not the ridiculously overpriced things other people believe are suitable or the impersonal material things. steve buys you flowers every chance he gets, he buys you that paperback book you’ve been talking about, he buys you the pastry you’re obsessed with as a surprise after a long day, he makes you handmade gifts too— gifts that mean something. and that’s how the relationship is, really. the two don’t try to fit other people’s standards, especially money-wise, they only try to make the other happy. and that’s more than enough.

♡

# steve harrington

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi! 18 y/o ENTP here! I’ve always wondered about the role that culture plays in personality development. In my case, I came and know people from cultures where security is highly emphasized (the East Asian and southeast Asian kind, to be more precise) , and it seems like people have suppressed their natural tendencies very well to fit in in order to maintain survival needs , to fulfill their desire for status and well, “face”. I am personally not very adept at these and I eventually convinced myself that these people probably made a lot of unnecessary sacrifices just to live a life that is socially acceptable. Yet knowing that I am just terrible at meeting expectations, i suspect that my ability to adapt to my environment is just pathetically low hence my opinions are not justified. Security is important, no way I can refute against that.

Can oneself change their orientations just to meet the demands of their environment? I am aware that it is not often the case, but I feel like the way such theory may apply differently in more collectivistic cultures, at least from what I’ve observed. There’s indeed a lot of people who deviate from their original self, and they think it is constructive even though their way of thinking is just elitist and doesn’t take account for nuance. It almost seems like the end goal of self-improvement is to fit some idealized community image while tooting their own outstanding qualities (which is ironic, we all know they just wanted to play safe) and save for retirement. Or maybe, i wouldn’t be thinking of this if only I could’ve done what my parents , institutions and corporations expected of me. Things would’ve been less complicated if I tried to suck it up and become that doctor or lawyer that everyone respects. Life would’ve been so much easier when you are in line with society instead of sticking out like a sore thumb. And that is the kind of thing i wish would stop happening to me even though I don’t see the point of doing what everyone does (since that invites more competition and workplace toxicity which i cannot cope, obviously)

Should I stop caring so much about fitting expectations by attaining absolute job security as the end goal, or my self-improvement has to align with a value that is universally important but difficult to achieve? If i go with the first one, it almost seems like I am trying to escape from putting in effort to work with the second option, but going with the second one could leave out other interesting options to live a life that could be equally fulfilling.

---------------------

There are several problems/errors in your thinking because you're conflating many concepts that need to be understood separately:

(1) Oversimplistic View of People

The key point isn't about personality but about values. It doesn't matter the personality type, values play a major role in guiding one's future direction in life. It sounds like you haven't done enough to clarify what your values are, which means you are likely to struggle with making good decisions and finding good direction. What happens when you lack strength and conviction in your own values? The void within is easily filled by external forces.

The void is YOUR problem and it is YOUR responsibility to address it. By blaming external factors like parents or society for pressuring you, you are deflecting responsibility. What this does is set up an attitude of "me vs world". Eventually, the inner conflict morphs into an outer conflict, and you start treating your parents and society as "enemy". It's then easy to irrationally believe that your existence, freedom, individuality, etc, is under constant threat.

When you approach life with a "me vs world" attitude, you are always on defense and come across as combative right out of the gate. This doesn't encourage people to listen to you and understand where you're coming from. While it is true that not everyone is capable of reasonable discussion, you're not going to find out who is or isn't as long as you don't give people the benefit of the doubt.

You seem tempted to adopt an "individualist" mindset to justify going against cultural expectations, but there are significant disadvantages to it. When you focus too much on the individual, it's easy to fall into the trap of blaming individuals for larger social forces that are beyond their control. Culture doesn't just appear out of nowhere.

For instance, East and Southeast Asian countries are populated with people who have been directly impacted by some very extreme and traumatic historical events. It is an appropriate and reasonable response to value security because of it. You are lucky to be born in a generation where security is possible, which means you are among the most likely to take it for granted.

Life is difficult for most people. The majority of us, not born to great wealth, have to make difficult calculations, concessions, and trade-offs in order to obtain what we need from society. Society intersects with personality insofar as different personalities value different things and will thus make different decisions about what aspects of culture to accept or reject.

Having conviction in your values requires you to apply them fairly and consistently. If you hope for people to be accepting of the difficult choices you have to make, then you should be the first to accept the choices they have made. While I recognize your attempt to see the other side of the issue, you haven't reached a full understanding, so you aren't capable of genuine acceptance yet. You still speak about their decision to "conform" with disdain, as though it is a lesser choice that makes them lesser people. Be warned that having a shallow view of people contributes to feelings of alienation.

Acceptance is much easier when you're mature enough to realize that: 1) people are complicated and you shouldn't rush to judge when you don't understand their full experience, 2) what other people do is none of your business, and 3) other people's opinions should only inform yours when they are valid opinions, and validity isn't always easy to determine.

At the end of the day, while you should consider outside opinions, the values you hold have to be chosen by you. The reason you are easily triggered by outside opinions/expectations is because they are exposing the truth of your void within. When you have a deeper psychological issue that remains hidden or you refuse to address it, you end up becoming hypersensitive to any mention of it. If you don't want to be hypersensitive, then the answer is to stop blaming and face the problem head on within yourself.

You seem to want to contrast yourself with your culture by claiming to care more about individual choice, but you can't claim to be an individual when you don't know your own values. As long as your values are unclear, you are in a poor position to advocate for yourself. How can you persuade others to be sympathetic to your perspective or convince them that you are capable of making good decisions when you can't articulate why your values are important and worthy of upholding through your life decisions?

No parent wants to see their kid miserable. Can parents, especially Asian parents, be pushy, bossy, and overbearing? Sure. However, if you meet their pushiness with adolescent rebellion, you won't get far. Culture aside, any normal parent wants to see that you have a good head on your shoulders before they trust you to make big decisions for yourself. If you're able to approach them as a capable adult who takes life seriously, you might find them much more amenable to discussion.

An important aspect of learning how to use Fe properly is to realize that you have a big influence over how social interactions proceed, so learn to wield that influence wisely. But this isn't possible as long as you always see yourself as a victim of outside forces.

(2) Oversimplistic View of Society

What your parents expect of you may or may not overlap with societal expectations, however, one should not simply assume they are the same. From a Jungian perspective, parents often act as a stand-in for understanding society. However, how can two individuals adequately represent an entire society made up of thousands or millions of people? They can't. This would be an illogical leap. At best, your parents represent only a few aspects of society as a whole.

Of course, you don't only see society through your parents. You also have peers, friends, school, or work experiences. However, keep in mind that people tend to segregate themselves based on factors such as class, race, ethnicity, religion, educational attainment, common interests, etc. It is very likely that the people you've been exposed to outside of family are very similar to your parents with regard to the above factors. Therefore, it is still only a small sliver of society you are seeing.

Of course, you also learn about society through media. However, media companies are mainly interested in making money rather than providing a realistic, nuanced, and comprehensive view of society. What makes money for them? Lowest common denominator stuff; images that appeal to the simplest and often basest aspects of human nature. It is not only a small sliver of society being presented here, but a heavily distorted view of it as well.

All of this is to say that, with the little life experience you possess at 18, what you think you know about culture and society is extremely limited. You feel constrained by this thing called "society" and don't realize that what you're actually being constrained by is your own oversimplistic or distorted idea of what society is.

You are clashing with your parents and you've extended that clash to society, to the point of believing that the world is antagonistic toward you. This sort of thinking is emblematic of the adolescent drive toward independence. But society is an abstract concept; it is not a conscious entity that is capable of expecting things from you in the same way a parent does.

When you have a "me vs world" attitude, it's easy to trap yourself in the position of victim, rather than see yourself as an agent of change. If you were to confront every real person in your life who expected something unreasonable from you and resolved those differences as constructively as possible, it's likely that the antagonism you feel from "society" would disappear.

In other words, this problem is to be resolved in the realm of the practical, in your actual relationships. Thinking about the problem through sweeping overgeneralizations about "society" at large doesn't help because it just makes you feel lonely, cynical, and, eventually, depressed.

(3) Oversimplistic View of Culture

As part of your overgeneralizing, you seem to be conflating culture and society; they aren't the same thing. Society refers to a large group of people that are held together by some kind of commonality. Culture refers to a specific set of beliefs, values, norms, and practices that a group of people share and honor. Culture is more related to ethics, in terms of prescribing what is/isn't acceptable behavior.

A society can contain several different cultures and subcultures when there is a higher level of commonality to link them together, such as nationality. Perhaps you haven't realized that society is big enough to house a variety of cultures. Maybe you have to look harder for your kind of people or create a community better suited for yourself.

Calling cultures "collectivist" or "individualist" is actually one of my pet peeves because of how it leads people to stereotype or make insulting assumptions. It is important to note that this terminology was coined by western intellectuals, some of whom had obvious prejudices against any "eastern" peoples living east of Germany. Also, contemporary research has not been able to find compelling evidence for the distinction except when using the most extreme cultures for comparison. In other words, these are outdated concepts. There are newer and more useful concepts available.

Yes, it is a fact that some cultures place more pressure and perhaps even try to coerce members into conformity. However, calling this kind of culture "collectivist" is misleading. It doesn't account for how people really feel, deep down, about the pressure. Go to a "collectivist" culture and you'll find plenty of people who are critical of it or even openly rebel against it. Go to any "individualist" culture and you'll find plenty of people who spend a lifetime conforming to mainstream standards. What does this tell you?

We are all individuals. As an individual, you have a choice to make about the degree to which you subscribe to and participate in your culture. And I use the word "degree" very intentionally because you seem to have trapped yourself in a false dichotomy.

Thinking in polarized either/or terms is a sign of intellectual immaturity at best and intellectual dishonesty at worst. It hampers good decision-making and can even lead to helplessness because you lose access to the full range of possibilities available to you. The choice does not come down to either: individual or group; respectable or shameful; security or poverty; etc. Most people actually live life with more nuance than that. You accuse others of lacking nuance but you are the same.

You're living through a rocky time of transition between adolescence and adulthood. The brain doesn't reach full maturity until around 25. Eighteen-year-olds still suffer from certain childish thought patterns. Children have a very small and narrow understanding of the world, only concerned about whether the world brings them pain or pleasure. However, as you grow up, you should start to realize more and more that: 1) the way the world works is much more complicated than simple dichotomies, and 2) your subjective experience is not necessarily representative of the larger objective world.

(4) Oversimplistic View of Economy

In 2024, there's no such thing as "absolute job security". And it's not the case that every job can be easily sorted into either "stable" or "unstable".

As an example, I live in an area that has traditionally been great for computer science and engineering. Many members of my immediate and extended family are engineers and I was pressured to become one. For the longest time and even now, both of these careers were touted by all parents and teachers as foolproof, always secure. But that is not the case today. The economy has changed and these jobs have been disappearing or moving to more favorable places. Today, every job opening has hundreds of applicants and even those with advanced degrees find themselves unemployed.

What this should teach you is that the work society considers to be valuable changes over time in accordance with economic shifts and needs, but the culture doesn't necessarily keep up with those changes. Once upon a time, business people were looked down upon as dirty, greedy, and selfish. But now look at all the people in Asia clamoring to get a business degree.

To be aware of economic changes, let alone try to predict them, requires expertise and imagination most people don't possess. That is why all they can do is stick to what is known or what has worked in the most recent past. Unless you live in North Korea, nobody knows for sure which direction the economy is going to go. It's not something within your control. However, you can learn enough about it to make some good guesses and take smart risks. You can take time to research the full range of career possibilities open to you and make an informed decision.

The more useful question to ask is: Are you able to find or create work that the economy values enough for you to build a fulfilling life? It is largely irrelevant what the culture thinks about it because they are always behind the curve. What matters most is whether you can contribute/create something valuable given the socioeconomic conditions you live under.

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Opinions are just words; they need not mean anything unless you ascribe meaning to them. Everyone has an opinion but not all opinions are equally valid. If you want to make good decisions in life, you shouldn't be easily swayed by every opinion thrown at you, rather, you should only be swayed by opinions that are backed by solid expertise and evidence - this is what Ti development should help you with. In the end, the results will speak for themselves.

However, if you can't get over the adolescent mindset of reflexively rebelling against "expectations", you will always be overreacting to every opinion that comes your way (which is a recipe for getting stuck in tertiary loop). Even if you end up choosing a so-called "secure" career, the underlying inability to carefully analyze and evaluate the quality of the opinions you encounter (i.e. underdeveloped Ti) will nevertheless result in an unstable life.

[thelastattempt]

Mate you’ve sent me this ask every day for over a week and I’ve had a shitty week and I’m gonna take it out on you (with a little cut cause I don’t want this rant clogging up my whole blog. cheers.)

A) the social construction of ‘coming out’ gives me the ick. the idea that anyone is obligated to tell strangers, their friends, their *mothers* ‘hey this is who I like to fuck, or this is who I’m attracted to’ just to what?? make others comfortable?? makes me feel a bit ill actually. by all means, the announcement can be really cathartic and validating for some people and if that’s you, then do you, but you can’t put that expectation on other people cause like - who I want to bang is my business and I have absolutely no idea why it would matter to you or any stranger. this goes double for celebrities who have cameras all up in their face all the time. why should they tell you? why why why. they’re not gonna bang you regardless so what’s the drama.

2) I bet you’re one of those people that say ‘it doesn’t matter, I just wanna know’. well you know what - fucking tough. if you wanna know so bad then it *does* matter to you. for what reason, irdk, but you need to figure that out cause it’s giving unhinged??

!) and on the subject of why you’re so incredibly interested in the orientation of other people, is it for validation? like if they’re a little bit gay then it’s okay for you to be a little bit gay? cause honey, it’s okay whether celebrities are or aren’t. but that’s very much about you and not about them. is it because you enjoy seeing gay iconography in popular media? cause there’s plenty of ‘out’ celebrities you can get this from, and the iconography is there whether you know the specifics or not?? you want him to raise a pride flag for your enjoyment - okay, he’s a real person though, capable of his own decisions that are also nothing to do with you?? or is it because you’ve got a little headcannon that you desperately want to be true?? again, this is very much a preference or need for you, as an individual, as a viewer, as a voyeur, and I’m struggling, bro, I really am cause orientation doesn’t make a good person, doesn’t add anything to personality or values or even talent. It absolutely doesn’t affect your enjoyment of the product Louis is selling - music, in case you’ve forgotten. unless you’ve got some dotted line from ‘gay’ to ‘deserving ’ and like, that’s not how this works?? by all means, support out gay artists for being out and gay if that’s your bag, go wild, but saying you can’t enjoy the content of a musician because you’re not sure who he’s shagging is warped to me

D) the jokes you see on the dash are literally just jokes. we’re sat here on tumblr, razzing a friend even tho he’s not our friend, because we’re all a little unwell and none of it is serious serious jfc.

5) and for you last question, what do I think? what do I think? I think I spend less time contemplating where Louis’ dick has been than you do.

TLDR; mind your business, you’ll be happier