#just because it’s a social construct doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter

[tinkerbitch69]

I gotta say, as a trans woman, seeing misaki in terminator zero, an a.i. that described herself upon creation as ‘neither male or female’ actively choose to be a woman and ask to be considered as one cuz she felt like it aligned more with her idea of who she is or at least would like to become was so validating, especially in an online climate of ‘gender is bullshit and made up therefore it doesn’t matter’ 🥹

[bloomzone]

THE "LUCKY VICKY" MINDSET !

The Lucky Vicky Mindset or jang wonyoung mindset was created by Jang Wonyoung herself combining "lucky" with her English name "Vicky" (stand for Victory )to share her positive mindset that it's abt choosing a perspective that helps you move forward with confidence so this mindset is about understanding that your attitude shapes your experiences and that seeing yourself as "lucky" isn’t about chance but about the way you navigate challenges, setbacks n success.cuz It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when things don’t go as planned. Whether it’s struggling in school, facing criticism, or dealing with self-doubt, the natural reaction is often frustration or discouragement. But if u shift by thinking like : What if, instead of seeing obstacles as signs of failure, you saw them as redirections toward something better?

This mindset isn’t about ignoring problems it’s about handling them with clarity and resilience. "So how do you develop it?" u need to :

ஐ - 𝟷. ʀᴇғʀᴀᴍɪɴɢ sᴇᴛʙᴀᴄᴋs

There will always be moments when things don’t go your way. Maybe you didn’t get the opportunity you wanted, maybe people misunderstand you, or maybe you feel like progress is slow. The lucky vicky Mindset teaches us that nothing is truly working against us—it’s just working differently than we expected.A well-known example what wonnie said "This happened during a tour when I visited Spain. At that time, I waited a long time at a famous bakery, but all the bread in front of me was sold out. They told me that if I waited a little longer, fresh bread would come out. I thought, ‘That’s Lucky Vicky,’ because I could eat freshly made bread. I shared that story with my fans, and from then on, ‘Lucky Vicky’ spread instantly and became a popular meme.” It���s a small moment, but it reflects a powerful way of thinking it mean that Instead of focusing on what didn’t happen, focus on what’s still possible.This applies to bigger situations too. Didn’t get the result you wanted? It’s a chance to adjust your approach. Lost an opportunity? Maybe it wasn’t the right one, and something better is coming. Feeling stuck? That means growth is happening, even if you can’t see it yet.The way you choose to interpret setbacks determines whether they drain you or empower you.

ஐ - 𝟸. ɴᴏᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇs ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

Wonyoung is often criticized online, but her response to negativity is simple: “No problem, I don’t care. You are you, and I am me.” This isn’t about arrogance or something but it’s about understanding that not everything requires your energy.If you spend too much time thinking about what others say, replaying negative moments, or trying to justify yourself, you lose focus on what actually matters. Some opinions do not need to be addressed. Some people are not worth your time.That doesn’t mean ignoring constructive feedback, but it does mean choosing where you place your attention. The Lucky Vicky Mindset is about knowing when to engage and when to walk away because your energy is too valuable to be wasted on things that don’t help you grow.Jang Wonyoung also said in a show interview : "I believe there is energy in thoughts and words. When I got anxious and negative thoughts, I tried to correct them positively. In the end, there was no wrong path even if I looked at where I am now,"

ஐ - 𝟹. ғᴏᴄᴜs ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴇss

Comparison is one of the biggest traps in personal growth. Social media makes it easy to see others succeeding and wonder why you’re not at their level. But the truth is, no one’s journey looks the same and no one has it all figured out.Wonyoung has been in the spotlight since she was a teenager, constantly compared to others, yet she stays focused on her own path.

🗝️:You don’t need to be ahead of anyone else you just need to be ahead of where you were yesterday.

Instead of thinking:

"Why am I not as successful as them?"

Try:

"What small step can I take today to improve?"

Your timeline is your own. Trust that your progress is happening at the right pace for you.

ஐ - 𝟺. ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

A lot of people wait to feel "ready" before taking action. They think confidence comes when they finally have everything figured out. But in reality, confidence grows through experience, not through waiting.Wonyoung didn’t become poised and self-assured overnight. She gained confidence by stepping into situations that challenged her. The only way to become good at something is to do it, even when it’s uncomfortable.So, whether it’s speaking up more, taking on new challenges, or stepping outside your comfort zone, start before you feel fully prepared. Confidence isn’t about never making mistakes but it’s about knowing that mistakes won’t break u

ஐ - 𝟻. ᴛʜᴇ ɢʟᴀss ɪs ʜᴀʟғ ғᴜʟʟ

I want to add something about positive and negative thinking for the setback part

People often say, "The glass is half full" to mean optimism and "The glass is half empty" to mean pessimism. The Lucky Vicky Mindset takes it a step further.

wony once said, “I was about to drink water after practice, and just about half a cup was left. I had hoped for just about half because it would be too much to drink all of it and not enough if it was too little. I am totally a ‘Lucky Vicky!’”

That it’s about seeing things as aligned for you. It’s not about forcing happiness or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about trusting that what’s in front of you is just right cuz The way you interpret situations shapes your reality so this way of thinking removes the pressure to categorize things as "good" or "bad." It allows you to move with life instead of resisting it. When you start seeing every outcome as something that fits into your journey, you naturally feel more at peace, less anxious, and more confident that things are unfolding the way they should.

So instead of asking, “Is my glass half full or half empty?” try thinking, “Maybe this is exactly the amount I was meant to have.”

@bloomzone

This mindset allows you to be present, grateful, and naturally attract opportunities. When you believe that life is working with u, rather than against you, everything starts to feel like a lucky break even the things you didn’t expect.i hope y'all like this blog and thank you for the love and support ! have a lucky Vicky day 🍀

[schizoidvision]

Why Schizoids Don’t Miss People... And Why That’s Not a Problem

Many of us have been in a situation where someone says, “I missed you,” and we feel nothing in response. We might say it back because it’s expected, but deep down, we know it isn’t true. It’s not about disliking the person... we just don’t experience that feeling.

This isn’t about lacking empathy. We can care about others in our own way, but the emotional mechanism that makes people long for someone’s presence doesn’t seem to be active in us. No matter how much time passes, there’s no sense of emotional absence.

For many of us, the idea of "missing" someone feels foreign because our emotional energy is directed inward rather than outward. Our stability comes from within, not from external relationships. We may enjoy conversations or find people interesting, but that doesn’t mean we form lasting emotional bonds.

Some of us may think about people and analyze our interactions with them without feeling a need for their physical presence. Once the interaction ends, it remains a mental construct rather than an emotional attachment. Social experiences are compartmentalized, existing separately from our inner world, with little ongoing engagement once they conclude.

Masking plays a role in this as well. Many of us know the appropriate social responses and go through the motions when necessary. Saying “I missed you too” is often just part of this social script, not an expression of actual sentiment. Attachment tends to feel like an intrusion rather than a comfort, and without attachment, there’s no reason to miss someone.

Society expects emotional reciprocity, and when we don’t provide it, misunderstandings arise. Others might assume we are indifferent or cold when, in reality, we simply process things differently. To avoid social friction, many of us end up masking, pretending to feel something that isn’t there.

Does this mean we’re missing something essential? Not necessarily. While some people thrive on emotional connection, solitude and internal consistency feel natural to us. Trying to force ourselves to miss others or desire connection the way neurotypicals do is like trying to breathe underwater... it’s not how we function.

Not missing people isn’t a flaw. It doesn’t mean we’re broken or that we lack empathy. It just means we engage with the world in a different way. As long as we are comfortable with how we navigate relationships, that’s what matters. If others struggle to understand this, it’s just another difference in how people experience life.

[wisteriagoesvroom]

in the center of this room

📃 1.4k words, rated T ⚢ a lesbian!charles x lewis ficlet (with a short girl!landoscar cameo) 🏎️ for @supercollide who sent sports car as a mini song prompt 🤓 now on ao3!

p.s. so i heard y'all going crazy about the new promo pics... p.p.s. this is an AU where lewis drinks ok, just roll with it

--------------

“It’s not as if I don’t like her. I am just becoming… accustomed. Like many other things,” Charlie says, over the music. She tucks her bangs behind her ear, hoping it looks as nonchalant as she admittedly doesn’t feel.

“Yeah?” Lando’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. And technically Charlie has lied, as Lewis was unlike many other things. No other person has won almost eight driver championships, for that matter.

“I mean, it is not really an easy thing, you know? Changing teammates.” 

“Oh, believe me mate, I know.” 

“Well.” Charlie casts her eyes towards another corner of the room, where Oscar, with her barely touched drink and her very practical bootcut jeans, is trying very hard not to stare at them both. “It seems yours is rather…”

“Socially awkward?” Lando offers.

“I was going to say enamoured. But I don’t really think that will be an issue with Lewis.”

“What– doesn’t bat for the team?”

“Please! In this house, darling, we all bat for one thing only. And that’s Ferrari.”

Lando doesn’t look like she believes her, but then she's distracted from the topic of Lewis, because she looks over at Oscar again. Charlie’s eyes follow. For all of the Australian driver’s F1 reaction times, she is basically rendered useless in any social setting by Lando’s mere presence. Case in point, she almost drops her entire drink down her front. 

“Maybe you should go rescue her?” Charlie says. 

Lando sighs, but she doesn’t seem that cut up about it. “Be back in a bit.” 

Charlie gives a courteous nod, and watches her go – watches as Lando’s curly hair mop of hair beelines through the crowd, and Oscar perking up as Lando heads towards her. 

Just as Charlie wonders if it is written in a motorsport manual somewhere to have strange psychosexual relations with your teammate, she turns to the bartender and orders herself another apple martini. When she turns around–

“Buonasera,” Lewis says, with a downward tilt of her chin. That voice, like rich velvet. It’s Lewis, who is dressed in bright yellow, in what might be described as street couture construction chic, in the kind of clothing that Charlie could only ever aspire to wear, without being the butt of a joke. (She now feels very underdressed and uncool, even in her finest next-season Jacquemus.)

Now, Charlie is no spring chicken. People throw themselves at her all the time, the predestined child of Ferrari. And she's well aware of how the temperature changes when she walks into a room. The value of her technical skill and social capital and that gnashing, unwieldy thing that is the rosso corsa brand, bleeding and beating and alive in her palms. She is well aware of her status as a patron saint, the vaunted subject of the tifosi's hopes and dreams and hymns. She loves it, even.

And yet. To walk with Lewis is to understand anew what it is to be anointed.

Because it’s Lewis. Multiple time world champion, multi hyphenate, philanthropist, game-changer – Lewis who has herself struck down other giants to stand tall in the pantheon of greats, the same one that Charlies dreams of being one day. And knows herself to be capable of, even if the results don't show it yet.

It seems Lewis however has no such concerns about their difference in status. Instead, she smiles. “That what you’re drinking?” 

“It’s my usual!” Charlie exclaims.

“Nah. We’re doing shots. Celebrating the pre-season in style.” 

“Aren’t we supposed to be good before the season starts?”

Lewis tilts her head, and her microbraids jangle slightly with the motion. She’s had them woven through with silver and yellow stars. Charlie had tried not to stare at how beautiful she’d looked at the photoshoot they did last week. 

“I think you’ve been plenty good,” Lewis says. "Haven’t you?”

“Are you joking with me, or trying to butter me up?”

“Can’t it be both?” Lewis demurs. So maybe she has a point there.

Charlie opts to smile back cordially, instead of having a meltdown about what this all means, in the middle of a Monaco nightclub. At any rate, Lewis doesn’t wait for a response. She just flattens both palms on the bar and kind of, poses radiantly, in that Lewis-like way, one stiletto heel crossed behind an ankle, not calling for service per se but with the utter confidence that the gravity in the room will eventually tilt towards her in some way. To Lewis’s credit, this pose also makes her ass look pretty incredible. Charlie diplomatically opts not to say this part aloud.  

Meanwhile the bartender, who has made themselves scarce, materialises like a bee zooming towards a puddle of sugar water. Perfectly timed. Lewis and the bartender exchange a couple of words, and the bartender disappears, ostensibly to find the most outrageously priced organic and ethically produced liquor bottles in the entire +377 area code. 

Charlie's throat suddenly feels dry. Music shimmers in the back, switching to something with a growling bass. Lewis doesn’t shimmy, but does drum her fingers on the bar to the beat. 

“This sounds like a song I knew before,” Lewis says. “Maybe Nico played it for me.”

“I don’t think they do 2000s music here. That’s for Thursdays,” Charles says.

Lewis pins her with a stare. “Charlie. Did you just call me old?”

Charlie puts one hand on her chest. “I would never, Ms. Hamilton.”

Lewis shakes her head, and the earlier tension eases a little. 

“Do you dance?” Charlie feels the need to ask. She’s not entirely sure why she’s asking. Lewis might as well be a god. She somehow can’t picture a god dancing. Gods are meant to be observed in ancient pictures, static and unmoving, or their likeness protected behind museum glass. She is not sure which category she considers Lewis to be in right now. She is equally surprised at her own rapacious curiosity, to find out if there’s a beating heart in there after all. Some flesh and blood for her to sink her teeth into. 

(It’s not the first time she’s felled a god. But at least Seb still takes her calls.) 

For her part, Lewis laughs. “‘Course I dance. Right song, right person.”

“And am I I the right person?” Charles asks.

Lewis holds Charlie’s gaze, and the music builds again. So much Charlie feels its pulse, from the tips of her toes to the back of her calves, the gentle quake up her spine– lust and hunger notching its way into the soft and vulnerable places where she hadn’t allowed it before. Not with Lewis, at least. 

And for a moment, so quick she almost notices, Lewis’s expression changes. Mouth curling at the corners in surprise, eyes lighting up with interest, as if she has been waiting for Charlie to drive on the limit with her, too.

But quick as the moment arrives, it passes. The shots appear on a tray, and Lewis’s attention is elsewhere. Always pulled in many directions, a woman with many ambitions, and short on time. 

She picks up the pair of shot glasses, and passes one to Charlie. When she leans on the bar again, the muscles in her arms flex, and Charlie tries again not to stare.

Charlie isn’t quite sure how to proceed. So she says the first thing that comes to mind. 

“What is it that we are drinking to, then?”

“Life. Love.” Lewis shouts. She leans closer to Charlie. Lewis smells like water and cocoa butter and something oudsy. It makes Charlie a bit dizzy, but maybe it’s just the lights and her harder-than-usual run this morning. It’s not like she was getting competitive about the season already. Of course not.

“And to winning, again.” Lewis says, low and conspiratorial. “Forza Ferrari.”

Charlie says nothing. She’s heard the words before of course, a million times. But not from Lewis. Not like this. In her mouth, it takes on a new shape, a whole new meaning. It becomes a secret, and Charlie doesn't want anyone else to know it.

So Charlie nods. Gives her assent. She clinks her glass into Lewis’s, and they both tip their heads back. The music throbs in her ears now, and the alcohol burns all the way down, settling uneasily in her stomach.

Lewis wipes her mouth with a napkin that’s materialised out of nowhere. Charlie is conscious that there are people all around the periphery who are staring at them both, but strangely, Lewis is staring just at…her. As if waiting for her to say something. Make the first move, initiate the dance.  

And in the cavernous space, the neon lights, it feels like the moment before an honest conversation. Of camaraderie. Of wonderment.

It feels like the moment before a bruise. 

[darcytaylor]

When “Just Looking at the Evidence” Becomes a Problem

Before I get into this, I want to be clear - this is not directed at shippers who simply enjoy Luke and Nicola’s chemistry, those who appreciate them as people, or those who respect their private lives.

Shipping is a natural part of fandoms, and when done respectfully, I think it’s fine.

This post is directed at the people who have taken shipping to an extreme - those who have convinced themselves they are "just looking at the evidence" while weaving together wild, invasive, and often insensitive theories. At that point, it’s no longer shipping - it’s something entirely different.

Shipping vs. Fantasizing: Know the Difference

There’s a huge difference between harmlessly shipping people - whether fictional characters or even co-stars - and creating elaborate fantasies about real individuals. While shipping can be a fun way to engage with a story or fandom, projecting detailed, speculative narratives onto real people can cross into invasive territory.

Shipping: Enjoying the chemistry, friendship, or dynamic between people, often in a fictional or lighthearted context.

Fantasizing: Constructing speculative stories about real people’s private lives, often based on incomplete information (and flawed so-called "evidence") without regard for their boundaries.

Why Fantasizing About Real People Crosses the Line

When fans create elaborate narratives about real people, it can:

Blur the line between fiction and reality: Making it harder for others to separate speculation from truth.

Perpetuate false narratives: Leading to harassment or invasions of privacy.

Disrespect individuals: By reducing their lives to a storyline crafted for entertainment.

People are far more nuanced than the curated glimpses we get online or in public. Social media posts, photos, or even patterns of behaviour aren’t a roadmap to someone’s inner life or relationships. They’re just snapshots - fragments of a much larger, unseen picture. And often, those fragments don’t connect the way people want them to.

The Loophole That Isn't a Loophole

I’ve seen some people claim that Nicola saying "If you have an opinion about me, that's ok. I understand I'm on TV and people will have things to think and say, but I beg you not to send them to me directly" somehow gives them permission to speculate about things like pregnancy.

Let’s be real - that is absolutely not what she meant. She’s literally acknowledging that people will have opinions, but she’s also making it clear that things like that make her uncomfortable. Saying "Don’t bring it to me" doesn’t mean she’s fine with people debating her body - it means she knows shitty people exist, but she’d rather not be subjected to it.

And sure, maybe you’re not sending it to her directly - but you are still doing the exact thing that makes her uncomfortable. And by putting it out into public spaces, you’re making it far more likely that it gets back to her indirectly. So whatever justification people think they’ve found? It’s fucking moot. It’s still insensitive.

Belief Doesn’t Equal Truth

Believing you’ve pieced together the “truth” because some moments appear to align is misguided. It overlooks the unknowns - the context we’re missing and the layers that exist in people’s lives. Just because something can seem a certain way doesn’t mean it is that way.

Humility matters. Recognizing that no matter how much you think you know, you actually know very little. Taking a step back and saying, “I don’t know what’s really going on” is not only more truthful but also shows respect for the people involved.

It’s okay to want people to be together - innocent shipping of loving chemistry between people is okay - but it’s not okay to create wildly speculative stories that exist only in your own mind.

Humility in Speculation: Knowing What We Don’t Know

Here’s the truth - I don’t know the full picture. None of us do. I don’t know Luke and Nicola as people, and I don’t know the ins and outs of their personal lives. And that’s okay. I'm not going to piece together and come up with my own flawed story about other peoples lives.

What I do know is that certain theories and speculation can be harmful, even when people think they’re harmless. Just because something is being discussed publicly, or even “positively,” doesn’t mean it isn’t invasive. (Cough spreading invasive pregnancy rumors cough). It doesn't mean it is kind. The line between curiosity and intrusion is thinner than people think.

Even if you think you've “figured something out,” there is always so much more you will never see, hear, or understand. Just because an idea feels compelling or fits a certain pattern doesn’t mean it reflects the truth.

So before engaging in deep speculation, it’s worth asking:

Am I respecting their privacy?

Am I letting curiosity turn into entitlement?

Am I remembering that these are real people, not fictional characters?

On the Idea of “Being Duped”

I’ve also noticed some frustration in the fandom, with people feeling like Luke and Nicola somehow “duped” the public with their behaviour on tour.

What we saw on tour was not unusual for two people who:

Are comfortable with each other.

Work together (and especially in the acting world).

Have shared an intense, career-defining experience.

This kind of dynamic isn’t uncommon in the entertainment industry or in any field where people work closely together (I know from personal experience). Their bond is unique, but that doesn’t mean it has to be romantic. To me, it’s always read as a deep friendship, a strong professional partnership, and two people who genuinely enjoy working together. And it really is beautiful!

I think some people wanted their interactions to confirm a specific narrative, and now that things aren’t aligning with that, they feel misled. But that’s not on Luke or Nicola. It’s a reminder that interpretation is subjective, and that sometimes, we project our own expectations onto things rather than seeing them for what they are.

The Consequences of Unchecked Fantasies

Making up stories about real people and treating those stories as fact (even when you say that you are okay if you are wrong, or if you say that you are just speculating) adds to:

Noise and confusion: Amplifying drama and misinterpretation.

Unnecessary pressure: On the individuals involved, complicating their personal lives further.

Public harassment: Rumours often escalate, influencing others to unfairly judge or attack. Bringing it indirectly to the main people in your fantasies.

Sure, you can feel like you’ve pieced together a narrative in your mind that makes sense to you. But actors are human beings, not characters in a fan-fiction. They shouldn’t be stripped down to an idea of what you think they should or shouldn’t be doing.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again - people are nuanced. People are dimensional. If you don’t know them personally, you have no idea what goes on in their day-to-day lives. A few curated moments from interviews or social media will never give anyone the full picture.

I’ve seen a lot of people build theories around what they believe is evidence. But if you really looked at it critically, you would find that much of it is based on assumptions rather than actual confirmation. It’s worth asking - are you trying to make reality fit the story you want to believe?

Public speculation/fantasizing can have consequences that extend beyond the screen - impacting the real people you claim to support.

[mallloryrowinski]

You're a transphobe!!! You should be embarrassed

Okay this is getting old now. I know you probably won’t read this reply as you’re clearly refusing to educate yourself on what I stand for, but I wanna have this on my blog regardless so here we go.

I’m a radical feminist, and I’m gender critical. Being gender critical means recognizing that gender is a social construct made to keep women, as a class, oppressed on the basis of their sex, and uphold the patriarchy. The sex you’re born with is a fixed set of characteristics and is immutable (this is a fact. Sex is binary, not fluid. before you try to pull the intersex card, @/not-your-intersex-pawn here on Tumblr has posts that will explain this to you in much greater detail than I can, like their response here).

Now, your sex doesn’t say anything about you! It doesn’t mean a single thing, it just recognizes which set of biological characteristics you were born with. It doesn’t indicate your personality, hobbies, likes and dislikes, whatever. You are a whole person and your sex is just your sex. Women are and have been historically oppressed on the basis of their sex. Not because they identified as anything connected to the female sphere, they were forced into this sphere of subordination and yada yada (gender roles!) on the basis of them being born female. 

Gender, on the other hand, is an identity. Even the gendies themselves have lost the plot a little in my opinion as everything regarding gender now is just so… vague? But basically gender is an identity. Some say it’s innate, some say it isn’t. Most agree that you can change your gender, or at least “reclaim” it, if you believe it’s innate and that you were "born in the wrong body". You can claim any gender, actually, and define it however you please. 

Calling me “cis” would be incorrect not because I’m not a woman, but because I’m not part of the gender craze, meaning that’s an ideology I don’t subscribe to altogether. I don’t believe in it. There’s no such thing as gender. I’m just a woman, neither cis nor trans. 

There’s also an additional note that I would like to make here: as long as we as a society recognize gender, we’re gonna have people either conforming to it or resisting it, or claiming a different gender identity. This is basically the same as “as long as catholicism exists, we’re gonna have catholics, atheists, and people either converting to catholicism or abandoning it”. This does not refer to the group of people who go through physical sex dysphoria. This group may choose to access what you would call “gender-affirming care”, which isn’t gender-affirming for them, because they do not have a problem with their gender to begin with, and most of the time don’t even recognize gender as important/real. Their voices have been unfortunately silenced by the “new wave” of TRAs over the past 5 to 10 or so years, and I do not wish to speak on their behalf, you can do your own research on this, or listen to amazing people such as @/buct-reidentified here on Tumblr. 

If you disagree with me and do believe that gender is an important part of oneself - I don’t have a problem with that! You’re entitled to your own opinions just like I am to my own. If you read all this and still think I’m transphobic, I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to help you. 

The reason I don’t include trans women in my feminism isn’t because I don’t respect their identity. But their identity is irrelevant when it comes to a movement focusing on the liberation from sex based oppression. What matters is their sex, whether you like it or not, because women are oppressed on the basis of their sex. You can identify as a trans woman but I genuinely hope that you’ll see how being a trans woman is different than being born with a female body. These two will face radically different experiences and challenges, each unique to that group. 

I do believe that trans people, of any kind, do need their own protections, safe spaces, etc. because they clearly are discriminated against and no one should be able to attack or discriminate against anyone because they don’t agree with their identity/the way they present themselves/whatever. 

I do support the preservation of same-sex spaces for women, but this isn’t rooted in fear of trans women but in protecting women from predatory men who exploit gender theory to gain access to these spaces and harm women. I’m sure we can both agree that these cases have happened and I’m not fear-mongering. This is not because all trans women are predators. This has happened and continues to happen because when you give predators and abusers a chance to be predatory and abusive with little to no repercussion by hiding behind an ideology like the gender one, they are typically eager to take it. Women have a right to their same-sex spaces because of the sex-based oppression they’ve faced throughout centuries. Taking these away or reforming places that are specifically sex-exclusive into inclusive ones is not fair to women and results in a zero-sum game. 

So basically, if you identify as a trans man and want me to accommodate you by using he/him pronouns, I have no problem with that. The same goes for they/them or she/her. I’m happy to respect and use your preferred pronouns because I respect you as a person. However, this doesn’t change my understanding of your biological sex. I simply recognize that you identify as trans, which is part of who you are, and I respect that. You believe in gender and I don’t, that’s okay. If you take it to the “I should be able to access sex-exclusive spaces because I identify as trans”, I would politely explain to you why I disagree with that and what options I believe we should make available instead. 

There a ton of points I haven't touched but that are related to this topic, but this is the basics.

[bevy-obeyme]

*

-cutely walks over to you-

I heard your cries and please for a male/non binary mc ideas. So although I am not a man, or a they/them, what about a transgender mc?

Sure!! I can do that! :3

I’ll make both FTM and MTF!!

Brothers with a Female to Male MC

And for those out there who struggle with body image, I want you to know you’re all so beautiful/handsome. Gender is a social construct and that means YOU have the right to change it however you want!

Trans people, you all have my respect and keep being you because ultimately, this is your life, don’t change it just because someone’s cranky about what you have between your legs!! 🫶

Lucifer

- He respected you whole heartedly - you were his handsome human. Any demon who dare say otherwise may get punished. Horribly.

- For such a sadistic and prideful man, he made sure to be soft for you during this topic. This was important after all. He always conveyed that he loved you no matter what, gender was not even a doubt in his mind.

- As an always professionally dressed person, he’d offer guidance on how to bring out the sharp edge of your eyes or what clothes to layer with what to give off an impression of masculinity.

- Whenever you stood in front of your mirror - feeling so out of place and feminine he would be right there behind you, words gently reassuring that you were his handsome little lamb, his pretty boy and that he wouldn’t have you any other way.

Mammon

- Whilst he wouldn’t go out of his way to become soft- ( he already is anyway ), he always made sure to refer to you with the correct pronouns and nicknames.

- Things like ‘’my man’’, ‘’my bro’’ or even ‘’hot stuff’’.

- For a forgetful and scummy demon, he would never dare misgender you. He knew just how much you struggled transitioning anyway.

- He always made sure to flex you around too - puffing his chest out and bragging about how he had a hot man to himself.

- Whenever some lower class demon even tried to misgender you however, he went ballistic - spewing all kinds of insults and petty comments.

- He truly didn’t mind your gender. He was still your first demon and that’s all that mattered. If you wanted to be a man, then go ahead. At least he wouldn’t have to be ‘the man’ during horror movies.

Leviathan

- Out of all the brothers, he’s the most attentive to this sort of thing. He understands your body dysmorphia end envy - he got it a lot when he cosplayed or watched people feel so comfortable in their gender.

- He’ll always ask you which pronouns you’d prefer, what nicknames you’re fine with, how you want to be complimented and etc. He doesn’t want to mess up with you.

- He took solace in the fact you too struggled with your body image, yet the fact that you were trying made him want to try too. He would support you no matter what. You were his normie.

Satan

- He too is rather attentive. He understands of being born in a circumstance you did not ask for.

- He made sure to compliment you all the time, hell, he’d even read up on this kind of thing to help you.

- He offered to go shopping with you - looking for binders and things to help you look more masculine. Maybe even buy a few self help books to make you feel at ease.

- Satan truly didn’t care for who you were. Externally, you might’ve changed. But you would always be his in his heart and that’s all that mattered.

Asmodeus

- He is super supportive. He will overwhelm you with compliments.

- Asmo himself isn’t the most masculine man. None of his brothers are tip top rough, burly men. Hell, he’s trained to walk in high heels!

- So, he’d always go out shopping with you, he had the best judgement to fashion. He respected you wanting to dress in masculine clothing yet he would always reassure you that clothes didn’t determine anything and he’d still see you as his Prince Charming.

- Secretly, he appreciated the new you. Adored it even. The switch of you possibly being the dominant one made it tantalising.

Beelzebub

- Beelzebub cared very little about how you presented yourself. Man, woman, nonbinary? At the end of the day, you were still his soft human.

- But, he’d make sure to convey his appreciation for your transition. He could admire your bravery to finally come out and confess who you really wanted to be.

- Beelzebub was a lot bigger than you, and noticing how you wanted to cover your curves as much as possible, he’d leave his closet door open anytime. Just to see that smile on your face.

Belphegor

- He too didn’t care much. It didn’t take away how nice you were to cuddle with. You did what you wanted to do.

- He always made sure to show his acknowledgment however, reminding you that you were handsome for a human and how happy it made him to see you smile much more than you did before your transition.

[sethshead]

Annual reminder that Jesus was not Palestinian and that Palestine as legally defined region did not exist at that time, nor did the Palestinian nation. This is empirically documented fact. Jesus was born a Jew and died a Jew in Roman Judea. If “Palestine” was used in some Greek texts to describe the region it was because of the Philistines (who aren’t Arab in origin) having lived here once. I’m now hearing people saying Christianity is Palestinian in origin. This is also sheer idiocy. Even if we allow for the fact that Jesus isn’t the progenitor of Christianity (again he died a Jew, his followers were all Jewish and they defined themselves as a sect of Judaism, not a new religion) and attribute the foundation to Paul and people of his generation, which I would say is true. Paul was born a Jew in Roman Judea and died 70 years before the region was renamed Palestine. Jesus and the founding of Christianity has everything to do with the Jews and zero to do with Palestine and Palestinians. And it goes without saying they have nothing to do with Arabs and Islam, except insofar as Islam tells it story with Jesus (and for that matter Judaism) being part of its origin story, which did not happen until the 600s. I will also point out that those western activists (historically clueless) who are making this claim are actually doing a great disservice to the Palestinian people. Why? Because they are inventing ancient Palestinian history that is easily refutable by fact, as I have just done. Given how easy it is to undermine such claims, when people who don’t know much about the region (but joined the river to the sea crowd because that’s what the cool kids do) learn the truth they will become skeptical about other claims made by Palestinians, some of which are true, some of which deserve acknowledgment. But the American left doesn’t care. They don’t actually care about the Palestinians. They are driven by Jew-hatred, and Zionism is the most convenient demon in their social justice arsenal. They will never help free Palestine. But what they will continue to do is endanger diaspora Jewry, which is their goal, or at least a means to their end. Such was also the case with the Arab regimes who opposed a Jewish state from the very beginning. They weren’t advocating for Palestinians, they were advocating for non Jewish state anywhere min the region. The left has constructed a binary opposition that undergirds their theology that pits the evil oppressive (((Zionists))) against the eternally oppressed Palestinians. Their construct is false, an eschatological theology and nothing else, with both “Zionists” and “Palestinians” being little more than constructs they have thrown together to advance their revolutionary (and profoundly anti-Western) agenda. But if they want to claim Palestinians as the progenitors of Christianity then, well, let me point out, that “Christianity” persecuted the Jews severely at least until the early modern era and in some parts of Europe far beyond that time, culminating in The Holocaust. So sure, you want to claim Jesus for Palestine, then you also acquire all the baggage that comes with him.

-- Jarrod Tanny

It’s all just another form of supersession.

[weatherfey]

I think a lot about the way Dorian used to see Cyrus as the perfect older brother, the perfect prince; the way Dorian felt free to go and find himself because Cyrus was capable and dependable and ready to be a leader. That isn’t the Cyrus we see! But I think it’s a lot more interesting, for both Cyrus and Dorian, to take that seriously. They’re princes, and we don’t know what that means because we haven’t seen their home, but socially a court is an elaborately constructed farce. And of course it can be easier to be competent in any familiar environment, but I also think it’s easier to know how you fit within a court environment specifically because there is an overwhelming number of factors to define yourself against and they all have expectations of you, and if they aren’t suffocating you like some kind of spider’s web then it might be perfect, like being a star in a constellation, or just the right puzzle piece. I think it’s reasonable to think that Cyrus was something like who Dorian thought he was, at home; except that Cyrus, like Dorian, wanted to choose the things he’s defining himself against. And I think it’s meaningful that he got swindled in the immediate aftermath of discarding that constellation of puzzle pieces. He was a fool (beloved), but it happened in the first blush of freedom, when he was just starting to figure out who he was or wanted to be without all that defined expectation, which is also - not coincidentally - the state Dorian was in when the spider queen sunk her fingers into his heart and twisted his alignment. The ‘hello world! uh oh’ of it all is something they had in common.

(Something they both had in common with Opal, too.)

I do think it’s interesting to look at Dorian’s sense of responsibility in light of this. I almost think Orym was a kind of north star for Dorian through parts of EXU prime, and I ship them, but it really felt like one of the things that made him able to reject the spider queen is that Orym needed him to. I think he wanted to be someone Orym could rely on, but I think Orym’s regard mattered to him because they genuinely had that protective urge in common - the pathway the spider queen used to skitter in was Dorian’s desire to protect his friends. And that drive to protect added a lot of poignancy to the in-universe reason that Dorian couldn’t return to bell’s hells after Cyrus’s debts were repaid, not just because Cyrus was still getting his legs under him but also because Opal needed help. That’s responsibility, again - he’s finishing what they started. Duty, obligation, but this time he’s chosen who and what he’s beholden to. Like maybe he’s chosen a new version of a puzzle piece that he might have thought he was throwing out entirely when he chose freedom and walked away from home.

I loved that Fearne’s vision also haunted Dorian; he misses her, and it also feels like a solid way to illustrate the spider queen’s effect on Dorian, that the danger of his own corruption has rarely been something he had the luxury to think about. His friends have always needed him. I don’t know if he had time to process his aborted fall during his time in Zephrah, or if there’s still something underneath, but I think it’s telling that this fear doesn’t look like Opal, the one literally bleeding ichor from her forehead; it predates that, it started before Opal was the one to worry about.

And I think he knows he didn’t fail them - Cyrus, Opal, Fy’ra - accidental thunder damage notwithstanding - but, with the way he felt through that suggestion spell and its aftermath, I don’t really know what to make of his abandoning Dariax. It’s a little hard to look at that and not see a drive to isolate. Determined to leave him with a good memory, but most of all, to leave. He started that one-shot interlude having just admitted to himself that he was longing to be Somewhere Else, but I almost wonder if he still would have gone back to bell’s hells if Orym hadn’t asked.

(God, the suggestion spell. The way they processed it was hurtful to me personally. Dariax immediately shifting from ‘won’t leave Opal!’ to ‘let’s go! Opal has a plan’ kind of broke my heart, and I actually think that the spell could have worked on Dorian by just making what was really happening feel reasonable - the last shred of your friend is trying to save you, and you can’t save her from anything except becoming your murderer, so you should do that. But the spell can’t make sense out of abandoning Cyrus’s body, so Dorian just goes numb with grief and rage. Mass suggestion is 24 hours. That is 24 hours of numbness, and rage, and walking, and walking, and walking, and every once in awhile Dariax’s voice, friendly and steady and sure, ‘Opal has a plan.’ And at the end of it the ability to feel returns, but he’s so tired, and he hurts, and everything hurts too much to think about, and poor Dariax probably stops in his tracks, just ‘Dorian? What was Opal’s plan?’)

And he really was so angry. It’s interesting to wonder if that’s still under the surface. He immediately turned to levity - for their sake, and his own - but that moment where the group tells him who killed Will and Derrig, and Robbie instantly wrote down Otohan’s name, didn’t just read like a player taking notes, to me, it read like Dorian putting a name in a ledger. I think it’s easy to let that go because he learns that she’s dead in the very next moment, but I think Dorian felt a weird kind of relief for that half-second, because so much of his anger at what happened to Cyrus and Opal was from being forced to acknowledge that there wasn’t anyone easy to blame, except perhaps a god; and blaming a god is like blaming the universe. What a relief, however short lived, to be faced with a problem you can solve.

[spearsndragons]

i hate it when asoiaf fans try to deny the racism against dornish people in canon.

“race is a social construct!” YES! “race doesn’t exist in the asoiaf world like it does in reality…” uhhh say that to alleras when leo tyrell described his mom as “a monkey from the summer isles.” how people stereotype dornishmen as small and dark with beady eyes. how tyrion complained of how dornish smelled. it’s been established canonically how most westerosi characters viewed non-white people and foreigners.

sure, some of dornish are white and white-passing, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they are mostly brown and black people??? just like how africa, middle east, asia, latin america and many oppressed regions are? GRRM has written MANY, MANY times how much the rest of westeros “other”s them. we’ve seen them reduce dorne as a land of sex and hedonism, which parallels to how the western world viewed (and many still view) asia and the middle east. they see them as “less civilized.”

when myriah martell became daeron’s wife, the kingdoms were quick to shit on her because she brought dornish people to her court. when elia married rhaegar, people thought she was unworthy to marry the beloved, handsome, white prince because of her health and her dornishness.

don’t get me started on the whole “elia would have been okay being cheated on! dornish are okay with extramarital affairs and bastards!” like do you guys not hear yourself??? this hyper-sexualization is literally a classic racist trope.

and i’m certain grrm intended to write it this way to show that racism, in fact, exists in westerosi life and dominates in their politics, just as in real life. he’s even said before he considered giving targaryens dark skin: “I’d had dark-skinned dragonlords invade and conquer and dominate a largely white Westeros.” so him making dorne, a largely non-white population, being the only one to resist conquest and the only kingdom to join westeros on their own terms, is very much intended.

too many fucking fans reduce our arguments to us “pulling the race card.” well guess what? BECAUSE IT MATTERS. just as racism is embedded in our society, everything about how this fandom and characters view dorne go back to race and racism. just because you can’t admit to yourself that you’re upholding white supremacy ideals doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

YOU CANNOT DENY THAT RACE AND CULTURE ARE IMPORTANT ELEMENTS IN ASOIAF.

DORNE BEST KINGDOM! MARTELL BEST HOUSE! IDC IDC! WHO ELSE IN WESTEROS SAID FUCK YOU TO THEIR COLONIZERS AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE?

(i can say more on the matter but i will just get more heated and end up writing a 10 page essay. when i tell you the law student in me comes alive when i have to defend dorne-)

[genderkoolaid]

(different person than last anon) can you give us like actual scientific papers that "nonhumans" are real and not just ppl that need a lot of psychological help? bc like while gender + sex can be very diverse and change w the individual, species is extremely specific and thats why shit like making crossbreeds is so insanely hard and they usually end up infertile bc the genes arent meant to be combined. n also the only example i can think of of any other species having "i am not the species i was born as" thoughts is that one female monkey that was raised so close w people she thought she was a person and she would refuse to breed w any of her primate species bc of it. you would call that mental illness in that monkey because she cannot be a person in a monkey body, just like someone can't be a dog or angel or horse in a human body, so why do you not consider being "nonhuman" also a mental illness?

can you please explain about alterhumanity? I don’t mean to be negative, I don’t understand… “there are only two sexes” is wrong because biology knowledge we have today actually doesn’t support that. did modern taxonomy find out something similar about humans? that’s very interesting, I don’t know a lot about it! but if you do I’d love to read that research!

So I think "there are only two sexes" isn't the best example; the comparison is more like "people can't change their gender because gender is whats in your pants"

Yes, we can look at chromosomes and hormones and sexual organs, and that stuff is related to gender. But to say "gender/sex is a construct" does not mean "chromosomes/hormones/sex organs don't exist." Its pointing out that our relationship to those things is culturally dependent (I wouldn't say "unnatural" because humans making social constructs is natural).

Similarly, we do divide up species based on reproduction and common ancestors. But "humanity" is also a construct. What it means to be human & who is defined as human can and does change depending on our culture. Not only can some people be excluded from humanity (for example, people of color and neurodivergents), but some people believe they are spiritually nonhuman (whatever that means for them). Some people who have been rejected from humanity identify as alterhuman as a way of saying "you don't want me, then I don't want you" (voidpunk is related to this although not inherently alterhuman). Some people are delusional and identify with alterhumanity as a way of coping with their delusions (and also, yes, you can be self-aware about your delusions). Some people believe in reincarnation or alternate universes or have some other spiritual belief related to being nonhuman. Some people just feel like dogs and enjoy being a dog and it doesn't matter why because they just like it.

Honestly, the monkey does sound like a monkey-version of alterhuman, because (if I can get a little anthropomorphize-y on y'all), it sounds like she did not feel apart of "monkey culture." Obviously we can't know if monkeys have a concept of monkey-hood like we do with humanity, but if they did it would not be hard to imagine how a monkey raised with humans would feel more human than monkey. But regardless... we don't need other species to have alter-species-hood for the same reason we don't need snails to crossdress for trans people to exist. Other animals probably don't have the same complex. abstract social constructs we do.

Why can't someone be a horse in a human body? For the same reason someone can't be a man in a woman's body- because "science says"? Both trans-denial and alterhuman-denial emphasizes biology over sociological investigation, which leads people to just keep shouting "but science!!!!!!!!!!" at people who are more invested in questions of culture and constructs and what it means to be [man/woman/human] in society.

(Also, I'm kind of uncomfortable with how the first ask talks about mental illness. Specifically "person believes harmless weird thing, so they must need Psychological Help for their Wrong Thoughts")

[dailyanarchistposts]

Disclaimer: I've been trying to write this text for about 6 years and haven't managed to do it in a way that is not confrontational, so I ended up admitting and accepting it's gonna piss some people off.

Are you uncomfortable with being assigned male or female ? With being called a man or a woman and that people act towards you in a very specific way because of that ?

That’s good. That’s normal! Everyone should be uncomfortable with that! Man and woman as categories come from centuries of domination, white imperialism and cisheteropatriarchy all gathered up in one hell of a shit system, and they are constantly reproduced by most of everyone and taught in nuclear families from the day you are born. They suck. being a man sucks and being a woman sucks and their assigned roles and possibilities are incredibly sucky and limited.

Does that mean you are queer ?

No. Not at all. It makes you a decent person that has at least started a process of understanding how fucked up gender is. It could bring to light elements that end up revealing your queerness, but in itself, that discomfort with cisheterosexuality is just a normal reaction to a fucked up system. From that discomfort comes a process of deconstruction, and through that process you might end up doing tranny or faggot or dyke and then it’s queer, but in itself, the emotional process of understanding how fucked up gender and sexuality are and acting on creating paths forward out of those fucked up social norms is not queer.

Why gatekeep queerness?

Because if that discomfort doesn’t go hand in hand with doing queer in a way that makes you different from cishet people, it makes you materially pretty much indistinguishable from a cishet person. This doing queer can take many forms, be it through your behavior, way of dressing, way of interacting with others, body shape and anatomy, way of being perceived by others or the kind of sex that you have. But being queer involves doing queer, and being seen by society as queer, because how others see us matters and deeply constructs and changes us, and so we can’t rely on internal identity alone to define what queer means, though it is part of it. Being seen by people as trans or being seen as gender nonconforming or being seen as gay or lesbian is very much an essential part of queerness and it can’t be evacuated.

What about being in the closet? What about all the shame and hurt and agony of not being able, or not being allowed to make those changes? What about trying to make changes and then not passing, being made to feel like you shouldn’t exist, being looked at weird when you try things out? What about wanting to date that cute boy but not being able to act on it? What about not being sure, what about questioning your gender or sexuality?

There is a liminal space of queerness-to-be, queerness-inside, queerness as a felt thing, and it is very real. We need to be able to make space for that liminality and transition as a process but we can't ignore the material reality and social worlds in which those transitions take place, because it influences us both from the outside and from the inside. Many queer and trans people started by questioning and that needs to be okay. This pamphlet aims in no way to attack people in the closet, or people who are questioning. Y’all have meaningful experiences and contributions to queer struggles. This text doesn't aim to throw you out of queer spaces but rather to think about the material positionality of folks.

But if I say I’m queer, surely I must immediately be a better person?

Nope. Especially if you’re white. White queers are still white and as such still do racism. Middle class queers bash on working class people while profiting from their labor. Queer men can be sexist. Able queers are gonna be ableists. And liberal queers ain’t queers. Feeling queer can’t be a tool to avoid responsibility for the fucked up behaviors you have. Feeling queer doesn’t mean you understand all other queers. Feeling queer doesn’t mean you understand homelessness. Feeling queer doesn’t even mean you’re living any form of oppression. Feeling queer has come to mean nothing and be politically insignificant.

What about my pronouns?

They're important. They're not that important. If you're called they/them but it's the only behavioral change you require in how people act towards you, and that change is only associated in you to some feeling that you don’t exactly fit in traditional manhood and womanhood, you have accomplished just about nothing. Being able to be gendered correctly on a daily basis is very satisfying and essential to the mental health of trans and non-binary folks but it can't be our only fight. Our fight is the eradication of the systems which make it impossible for queer&trans people to have jobs, housing, healthcare, etc. If people use the correct pronouns but you’re so fucked in the head by the system that you can’t work, you’re still in shit. If people use the correct pronouns but stay passive in the face of state-sponsored destruction of the land and attacks on native land defenders, you’re still in shit. If people that are well-off use the correct pronouns but don’t ever donate nothing to those gofundme for struggling qtbipoc, they’re still dicks but now they somehow feel like they are doing something, which is worse.

What if I’m straight, what if I’m cis?

You're valid. You're good. Deconstruct the fuck out of it but don’t you go denying what you are out of guilt and shame for what people like you are doing to us and take up what belongs to queer folks. Sure, things exist on a spectrum but if your existence on that spectrum means you don’t experience homophobia or transphobia, or can't relate to the communities that are living those oppressions elsewhere or in another time, or don’t feel any sense of community with homosexuals (as in same-sex fucking and romancing, including bisexuals) and transsexuals (as in people that transition out of their assigned sex in different ways, including non-binaries), what’s the point in taking up all that queer space? Go on and do that hard work of allyship and education and deconstruction from your place of power instead, we need you there. Shrouding your doing heterosexuality in « I don’t care what gender my partner is » is a problem, just like shrouding your doing man in nail polish is a problem or your doing woman in they/them pronouns. Non-binary is something else than being assigned a gender and performing it while asking for different pronouns, it's a radical cut and differentiation away from man or woman in a way that can not be reconciled with cisgenderism.

Is there such a thing as being queer and safe?

Nope. Not under this system there ain't. If you’re queer and safe you just got integrated into the whole thing. This world isn’t safe for us, and it’s not for anyone else either. Safety is a scam aimed at taming us down. If your queerness consists of making your middle-class white ass safe, you’re doing something wrong, liberatory work is not safe. We need spaces to rest and we need friendship and we need support and community to deal with the violence adequately, but trying to evade violence through endless mechanisms that make it impossible to address it or to be unexpectedly confronted to it (especially our own violent behaviors) is counterproductive. Go read and listen to some black feminists.

Aren't you forgetting important parts of radical queer discourse? What about the place of sex workers, polyamory, asexual people, bdsm, queering heterosexuality?

There is a convergence between all of these marginalized practices and queer struggles. Historically, they have often all fallen under the queer umbrella for very good reasons, because they are a deviancy from the established cisheteropatriarcal order. But I'm feeling the need to differentiate between things here, because if queer folks as a whole don't have the term queer to recognize each other anymore, we basically don't have no more words to define ourselves, the whole LGBT acronym and mainstreamised culture being bullshit. I feel like distinguishing fights allows for better solidarity, situated solidarity, and all of those practices are not in themselves queer either. Queers ain't necessarily sex workers and sex workers ain't necessarily queers (though it's rather frequent). Same goes for ace people, if they're ace and queer then they're queer but asexuality is not in itself queer, and polyamory has been practiced as amour libre by several straight groups for ages and that hasn't made them queer, on the contrary there are so many fucked up cishet dynamics inside of straight polyamory, and also the straight bdsm scene. And if you actually queered heterosexuality, it's can't be very straight anymore really.

But queer is about things being porous and blurry, it's about the negation of the social order and everyone that fights cisheteropatriarchy and does things a different way, you can't gatekeep that!

We've been doing blurry and negation and disidentification for a while now. I have to admit I don't find it relevant, you're just avoiding reality by trying to escape it, while struggles happen inside of reality. I want things to know where they fall, where they come from and where they seem to be going, cause that’s how human brains work, they create categories with words to make sense of the world. I want those categories to be joyful and flexible and wholesome, but I need them to be here to be able to name things that exist in the world. And yes, for sure, queer struggles concern everyone, but it doesn't mean everyone is queer. And anyways, I have no power to enforce any form of gatekeeping and I don't actually want to enforce it, being the queer police sounds like the dullest job with the most chances of getting mugged. I just want to know that talking to a queer person is gonna involve them being gay.

What about gays and lesbians reproducing cisheteropatriarchy?

Intra-community problem. Not the place of non-gays and non-lesbians to decide how to act towards them. Personally, I feel for several older gay men who lost so many friends and lovers during AIDS, and for all the people that were integrated and lost any sense of radicality to their sexual orientations. I also understand where a lot of cis lesbians are coming from in their rejection of man and I have compassion for them even though they are sometimes unpleasant and transphobic. Oh and of course fuck Eric Duhaime.

Notes on gender and sex.

Gender has become so nebulous, with a complete absence of regards to the material reality people are living in. It has created a disconnection between a certain part of queers and cishets that say gender has no meaning and that sex doesn't exist and the rest of the world that experiences gender as a very real thing. In order for queers to exist, the world needs to recognize sexes, otherwise there are no queers, because queerness is the transgression of norms assigned to your sex.

Sex is a thing. Sex as in sexuality, and sex as in male, female, and different forms of intersexuation. There are a million ways to live in bodies that have a certain sexual morphology but they do have a sex, we re a sexed monkey. And there are several differences that generally follow the lines created by those sexes, otherwise trans people wouldn't undergo medical transition processes. Where that reality has been used to create a norm, a social norm of behaving that is imposed through violence to perpetuate a certain way of doing man and woman and heterosexuality, that’s where things have gone to hell.

So transsexuality and homosexuality are useful words to define queerness. They are a transgression of the rules of what the body, in its sexed materiality, should do. They are also the place of revelation of greater joy for the people that live in such a way, especially when it is possible to not get mutilated, beaten to death or lose all possibility of employment when making apparent such deviance.

Some academics try to make us believe everything is post-something and extremely complex, which is partly true, but there’s also some simple things, like my eyes that see sexes. They see queers, but they also see sexes, and we mustn't ignore those. Medicine has allowed us to blur those lines and it s now possible for non-binary people and trans people to create differentiation with cis people in regards to their physiology and that's amazing, and it’s also great that trans and non-binary folks are able to express themselves more, but it doesn’t destroy the reality of our bodies as trans and non-binary in regards to our sex.

Man and woman remain the hegemonic categories that the overwhelming majority of us come from and which we seek to destroy as a hegemony. Ignoring them and what they have done to us and how they continue to shape our existence today in our relationship with cisnormative, heteronormative, patriarchal society and its families is irresponsible. We are not undoing gender and we are not revolutionary in our queerness unless we are fighting that institution, its sexism towards women and queer folks, and the myriad different ways it targets people that are perceived as belonging to dehumanized non-normative identities, along lines of sex and gender but also race, class and capacity. This means being queer needs also be a feminist fight, one that strives to undo the violent power of men and its reproduction carried by both men and women inside of patriarchy and end up in all-too-common drama in which women and queer folks are the targets of attacks.

And we need to be able to point out the cissexist and heterosexist behaviors from both our cis and straight comrades AND our queer and trans comrades. We need to hold each other accountable in regards to patterns that typically arise due to having been socialized a certain normative way in the past or being socialized in a certain normative way in the present, wether we are cis, straight, trans or queer. Not accepting being told you are perpetuating sexism and toxic masculinity « because I’m non-binary or because I’m a trans man or because I’m a soft and nice guy or even because I’m a woman» is a problem. And now there exists spaces where we can’t criticize people because they could feel invalidated, and it’s also a problem. That does not mean to go yelling that transwomen are men, fuck any of y’all who do that shit, transwomen are either at the forefront of undoing masculinity cause we’re women that were imposed masculinity, or just never managed to buy into any form of masculinity and have always lived a shitton of transmisoginy. And it doesn’t mean to say non-binary people don’t exist, that would just be a dick move, and a deeply colonial one on top of that, considering the eternal euro-christian attempts made at destroying any other view of gender than theirs. What it means is to hold each other accountable to undo cishet patriarchy inside of relationships with the people who fuck up.

Wrapping up

Being queer needs to mean doing queer, and doing queer needs to be actively gay and political. I barely use the word queer anymore since it became that "be whoever you wanna be, everything is valid" parody of what it's supposed to mean, or just anything that ain't exactly normative cishet patriarchal behavior. It's gay sex. It's dykes. It's trannies. It's an insult. It's an act of transgression. It's repression, and it's solidarity. Queer is dead, long live queers. This here queer writing this text is a white bi trans girl of middle class background in her late twenties, and a convinced anarchist.

[seriousbrat]

it’s so interesting to see how the interpretation of teen (boy) behavior in books has changed since they were written. it’s mostly for the better, but i think it does cause some people to refuse to engage in good faith with the source material, or on its own terms. i’ve loved hp since i was a kid, but i had never interacted at all with the fan side of things until maybe a year ago, and it was very odd (on the whole — which is why i’ve mostly just stuck to a handful of blogs with great fics and meta, like yours) to see how a lot of the text is taken now, compared to how my friends and i understood it at the time. i think its totally fair — and good, on a cultural level — to point out that the boy who pulls your pigtails isn’t being cute, and your male friend being in love with you doesn’t mean you owe him anything. but it’s also like … kind of intentionally closing the eyes to how these parts of the story are meant to come across? and i am not coming in here as some kind of “boys will be boys” person, but teenagers are messy in their relationships and their friendships, and more relevantly, it’s very clear what types of dynamics are being presented by the text. and it can be fun to pick apart what kinds of narratives are meant to be taken as romantic in different stories written in different times/places and why, but to look at the story on a story level you’ve got to also work with what it gives you.

Yes I think you make a very good point! I agree and personally I think both Snape and James would be written slightly differently if they were written today. Also, imo there's an element of wishful thinking coupled with naivety (and this has always existed tbf) when people who haven't ever been cis teenage boys try to write cis teenage boys haha. Like the 'closing of eyes' isn't always intentional. I know I keep going on about the Inbetweeners but I literally think watching that as a teen myself gave me an insight that I can never take back about what teenage boys are like haha.

Like this isn't to say that teenage boys are all exactly alike, or that there's some inherent, natural difference between boys and girls in terms of mentality or personality, but there is a social difference, generally speaking, a constructed one that happens because boys and girls are raised and socialised in a patriarchy. It's obviously not universal at all, and that's not even accounting for trans kids and the complexities they face, because even among cis boys and girls or men and women there's endless variety, and gender absolutely does not determine personality, interests, etc. Unfortunately it does influence them, though, that's our reality.

In terms of fiction, especially fanfic, obv one is free to do as they please. But there is such a thing as narrative voice, which can be an important thing to consider. Again when it comes to fanfiction it Does Not Matter that much, it's for fun, but in published fiction (or if you care about quality ig) it just is something you should consider. This is where the 'Men Writing Women' thing comes in, where you read something so obviously written by a man who doesn't understand how women (generally) think or speak or act at all. And in our patriarchal society such usually ends up being offensive and has often been overlooked and accepted when it shouldn't be. I don't think it's helpful to pretend men can't write women either, since plenty of male authors write female characters beautifully and the rest shouldn't be let off the hook. If you can't write women, skill issue and you shouldn't be published.

Anyway it's vastly more forgivable and understandable, and it pains me to say it but I think you can sometimes tell when it's a woman writing a man or a boy too. I will say on the whole I think women are better at writing men than the reverse haha, probably because we've been socialised to empathise with men whereas boys are not taught (by society) to empathise with women. Maybe women even empathise a little too much tbh. Maybe that's the problem, like we subconsciously over-project our ideals onto male characters, making them too nice, too woke, too cuddly, too sweet, because that's what we want to see, and leaving out the nastier elements that are so common. Again, that's not necessarily a problem!! Only if you're trying to create a realistic, effective portrayal of a certain (average) type of teenage boy-- which you don't have to do. I'd raise my eyebrows at an unrealistic portrayal much more in published fiction than fanfiction personally.

And ofc you can always choose to write a character who diverges from the accepted norm, but to do so effectively has to be a deliberate choice and done thoughtfully. For a boy like James, who is very average, the norm, he's decent enough but no Woke Feminist King haha. He's not meant to be.

Anyway, I think that's why the Marauders et al (including Death Eaters lol) are nowadays often portrayed like sweet little babies who all cuddle and take care of each other and respect women LOL. Like whatever, it's escapism haha, it's understandable. But sometimes I do think a lot of these people have never really interacted with many gay men or know what their culture is like. lmao. straight men maybe, but in a limited way. if you've ever had the misfortune to be with a group of cishet men who are talking freely with each other you'll know what I mean. again this is GENERAL. and socially constructed, not inherent. but very common nevertheless.

[undead-moth]

As someone with PCOS it honestly doesn’t especially matter to me if PCOS is considered an intersex condition, and I don’t really think of myself as intersex generally, but the people who vehemently insist it’s not have the dumbest fucking reasons for opposing it.

“You only think PCOS counts as intersex because women with PCOS look more masculine and you think this means they can’t be women.” Okay are you aware you basically just admitted you believe intersex people can’t be women?

“Every other intersex condition is defined by genital or chromosomal differences.” Okay and? Are you seriously arguing that because the DSM defines intersex a certain way that’s, what, written in stone? Fixed in nature? Objective truth? The sex binary is a social construct. Hell, the concept of a “Condition” and what does or doesn’t qualify as one is a social construct. Medicine is and has always been biased and new conditions and new definitions for pre-existing conditions are added or removed to every new edition of the DSM.

Like I said, it doesn’t really matter, but so far I see one side pointing out, “Hey, this group of people has a ton of the same bodily traits and life experiences as intersex people. Maybe they should be considered intersex too,” and the other side saying, “No. 😡 They can’t be intersex because then I would have to challenge my perception of a constructed and fluid thing I’d prefer to continuing viewing as natural and fixed 😤”

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi! 18 y/o ENTP here! I’ve always wondered about the role that culture plays in personality development. In my case, I came and know people from cultures where security is highly emphasized (the East Asian and southeast Asian kind, to be more precise) , and it seems like people have suppressed their natural tendencies very well to fit in in order to maintain survival needs , to fulfill their desire for status and well, “face”. I am personally not very adept at these and I eventually convinced myself that these people probably made a lot of unnecessary sacrifices just to live a life that is socially acceptable. Yet knowing that I am just terrible at meeting expectations, i suspect that my ability to adapt to my environment is just pathetically low hence my opinions are not justified. Security is important, no way I can refute against that.

Can oneself change their orientations just to meet the demands of their environment? I am aware that it is not often the case, but I feel like the way such theory may apply differently in more collectivistic cultures, at least from what I’ve observed. There’s indeed a lot of people who deviate from their original self, and they think it is constructive even though their way of thinking is just elitist and doesn’t take account for nuance. It almost seems like the end goal of self-improvement is to fit some idealized community image while tooting their own outstanding qualities (which is ironic, we all know they just wanted to play safe) and save for retirement. Or maybe, i wouldn’t be thinking of this if only I could’ve done what my parents , institutions and corporations expected of me. Things would’ve been less complicated if I tried to suck it up and become that doctor or lawyer that everyone respects. Life would’ve been so much easier when you are in line with society instead of sticking out like a sore thumb. And that is the kind of thing i wish would stop happening to me even though I don’t see the point of doing what everyone does (since that invites more competition and workplace toxicity which i cannot cope, obviously)

Should I stop caring so much about fitting expectations by attaining absolute job security as the end goal, or my self-improvement has to align with a value that is universally important but difficult to achieve? If i go with the first one, it almost seems like I am trying to escape from putting in effort to work with the second option, but going with the second one could leave out other interesting options to live a life that could be equally fulfilling.

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There are several problems/errors in your thinking because you're conflating many concepts that need to be understood separately:

(1) Oversimplistic View of People

The key point isn't about personality but about values. It doesn't matter the personality type, values play a major role in guiding one's future direction in life. It sounds like you haven't done enough to clarify what your values are, which means you are likely to struggle with making good decisions and finding good direction. What happens when you lack strength and conviction in your own values? The void within is easily filled by external forces.

The void is YOUR problem and it is YOUR responsibility to address it. By blaming external factors like parents or society for pressuring you, you are deflecting responsibility. What this does is set up an attitude of "me vs world". Eventually, the inner conflict morphs into an outer conflict, and you start treating your parents and society as "enemy". It's then easy to irrationally believe that your existence, freedom, individuality, etc, is under constant threat.

When you approach life with a "me vs world" attitude, you are always on defense and come across as combative right out of the gate. This doesn't encourage people to listen to you and understand where you're coming from. While it is true that not everyone is capable of reasonable discussion, you're not going to find out who is or isn't as long as you don't give people the benefit of the doubt.

You seem tempted to adopt an "individualist" mindset to justify going against cultural expectations, but there are significant disadvantages to it. When you focus too much on the individual, it's easy to fall into the trap of blaming individuals for larger social forces that are beyond their control. Culture doesn't just appear out of nowhere.

For instance, East and Southeast Asian countries are populated with people who have been directly impacted by some very extreme and traumatic historical events. It is an appropriate and reasonable response to value security because of it. You are lucky to be born in a generation where security is possible, which means you are among the most likely to take it for granted.

Life is difficult for most people. The majority of us, not born to great wealth, have to make difficult calculations, concessions, and trade-offs in order to obtain what we need from society. Society intersects with personality insofar as different personalities value different things and will thus make different decisions about what aspects of culture to accept or reject.

Having conviction in your values requires you to apply them fairly and consistently. If you hope for people to be accepting of the difficult choices you have to make, then you should be the first to accept the choices they have made. While I recognize your attempt to see the other side of the issue, you haven't reached a full understanding, so you aren't capable of genuine acceptance yet. You still speak about their decision to "conform" with disdain, as though it is a lesser choice that makes them lesser people. Be warned that having a shallow view of people contributes to feelings of alienation.

Acceptance is much easier when you're mature enough to realize that: 1) people are complicated and you shouldn't rush to judge when you don't understand their full experience, 2) what other people do is none of your business, and 3) other people's opinions should only inform yours when they are valid opinions, and validity isn't always easy to determine.

At the end of the day, while you should consider outside opinions, the values you hold have to be chosen by you. The reason you are easily triggered by outside opinions/expectations is because they are exposing the truth of your void within. When you have a deeper psychological issue that remains hidden or you refuse to address it, you end up becoming hypersensitive to any mention of it. If you don't want to be hypersensitive, then the answer is to stop blaming and face the problem head on within yourself.

You seem to want to contrast yourself with your culture by claiming to care more about individual choice, but you can't claim to be an individual when you don't know your own values. As long as your values are unclear, you are in a poor position to advocate for yourself. How can you persuade others to be sympathetic to your perspective or convince them that you are capable of making good decisions when you can't articulate why your values are important and worthy of upholding through your life decisions?

No parent wants to see their kid miserable. Can parents, especially Asian parents, be pushy, bossy, and overbearing? Sure. However, if you meet their pushiness with adolescent rebellion, you won't get far. Culture aside, any normal parent wants to see that you have a good head on your shoulders before they trust you to make big decisions for yourself. If you're able to approach them as a capable adult who takes life seriously, you might find them much more amenable to discussion.

An important aspect of learning how to use Fe properly is to realize that you have a big influence over how social interactions proceed, so learn to wield that influence wisely. But this isn't possible as long as you always see yourself as a victim of outside forces.

(2) Oversimplistic View of Society

What your parents expect of you may or may not overlap with societal expectations, however, one should not simply assume they are the same. From a Jungian perspective, parents often act as a stand-in for understanding society. However, how can two individuals adequately represent an entire society made up of thousands or millions of people? They can't. This would be an illogical leap. At best, your parents represent only a few aspects of society as a whole.

Of course, you don't only see society through your parents. You also have peers, friends, school, or work experiences. However, keep in mind that people tend to segregate themselves based on factors such as class, race, ethnicity, religion, educational attainment, common interests, etc. It is very likely that the people you've been exposed to outside of family are very similar to your parents with regard to the above factors. Therefore, it is still only a small sliver of society you are seeing.

Of course, you also learn about society through media. However, media companies are mainly interested in making money rather than providing a realistic, nuanced, and comprehensive view of society. What makes money for them? Lowest common denominator stuff; images that appeal to the simplest and often basest aspects of human nature. It is not only a small sliver of society being presented here, but a heavily distorted view of it as well.

All of this is to say that, with the little life experience you possess at 18, what you think you know about culture and society is extremely limited. You feel constrained by this thing called "society" and don't realize that what you're actually being constrained by is your own oversimplistic or distorted idea of what society is.

You are clashing with your parents and you've extended that clash to society, to the point of believing that the world is antagonistic toward you. This sort of thinking is emblematic of the adolescent drive toward independence. But society is an abstract concept; it is not a conscious entity that is capable of expecting things from you in the same way a parent does.

When you have a "me vs world" attitude, it's easy to trap yourself in the position of victim, rather than see yourself as an agent of change. If you were to confront every real person in your life who expected something unreasonable from you and resolved those differences as constructively as possible, it's likely that the antagonism you feel from "society" would disappear.

In other words, this problem is to be resolved in the realm of the practical, in your actual relationships. Thinking about the problem through sweeping overgeneralizations about "society" at large doesn't help because it just makes you feel lonely, cynical, and, eventually, depressed.

(3) Oversimplistic View of Culture

As part of your overgeneralizing, you seem to be conflating culture and society; they aren't the same thing. Society refers to a large group of people that are held together by some kind of commonality. Culture refers to a specific set of beliefs, values, norms, and practices that a group of people share and honor. Culture is more related to ethics, in terms of prescribing what is/isn't acceptable behavior.

A society can contain several different cultures and subcultures when there is a higher level of commonality to link them together, such as nationality. Perhaps you haven't realized that society is big enough to house a variety of cultures. Maybe you have to look harder for your kind of people or create a community better suited for yourself.

Calling cultures "collectivist" or "individualist" is actually one of my pet peeves because of how it leads people to stereotype or make insulting assumptions. It is important to note that this terminology was coined by western intellectuals, some of whom had obvious prejudices against any "eastern" peoples living east of Germany. Also, contemporary research has not been able to find compelling evidence for the distinction except when using the most extreme cultures for comparison. In other words, these are outdated concepts. There are newer and more useful concepts available.

Yes, it is a fact that some cultures place more pressure and perhaps even try to coerce members into conformity. However, calling this kind of culture "collectivist" is misleading. It doesn't account for how people really feel, deep down, about the pressure. Go to a "collectivist" culture and you'll find plenty of people who are critical of it or even openly rebel against it. Go to any "individualist" culture and you'll find plenty of people who spend a lifetime conforming to mainstream standards. What does this tell you?

We are all individuals. As an individual, you have a choice to make about the degree to which you subscribe to and participate in your culture. And I use the word "degree" very intentionally because you seem to have trapped yourself in a false dichotomy.

Thinking in polarized either/or terms is a sign of intellectual immaturity at best and intellectual dishonesty at worst. It hampers good decision-making and can even lead to helplessness because you lose access to the full range of possibilities available to you. The choice does not come down to either: individual or group; respectable or shameful; security or poverty; etc. Most people actually live life with more nuance than that. You accuse others of lacking nuance but you are the same.

You're living through a rocky time of transition between adolescence and adulthood. The brain doesn't reach full maturity until around 25. Eighteen-year-olds still suffer from certain childish thought patterns. Children have a very small and narrow understanding of the world, only concerned about whether the world brings them pain or pleasure. However, as you grow up, you should start to realize more and more that: 1) the way the world works is much more complicated than simple dichotomies, and 2) your subjective experience is not necessarily representative of the larger objective world.

(4) Oversimplistic View of Economy

In 2024, there's no such thing as "absolute job security". And it's not the case that every job can be easily sorted into either "stable" or "unstable".

As an example, I live in an area that has traditionally been great for computer science and engineering. Many members of my immediate and extended family are engineers and I was pressured to become one. For the longest time and even now, both of these careers were touted by all parents and teachers as foolproof, always secure. But that is not the case today. The economy has changed and these jobs have been disappearing or moving to more favorable places. Today, every job opening has hundreds of applicants and even those with advanced degrees find themselves unemployed.

What this should teach you is that the work society considers to be valuable changes over time in accordance with economic shifts and needs, but the culture doesn't necessarily keep up with those changes. Once upon a time, business people were looked down upon as dirty, greedy, and selfish. But now look at all the people in Asia clamoring to get a business degree.

To be aware of economic changes, let alone try to predict them, requires expertise and imagination most people don't possess. That is why all they can do is stick to what is known or what has worked in the most recent past. Unless you live in North Korea, nobody knows for sure which direction the economy is going to go. It's not something within your control. However, you can learn enough about it to make some good guesses and take smart risks. You can take time to research the full range of career possibilities open to you and make an informed decision.

The more useful question to ask is: Are you able to find or create work that the economy values enough for you to build a fulfilling life? It is largely irrelevant what the culture thinks about it because they are always behind the curve. What matters most is whether you can contribute/create something valuable given the socioeconomic conditions you live under.

.

Opinions are just words; they need not mean anything unless you ascribe meaning to them. Everyone has an opinion but not all opinions are equally valid. If you want to make good decisions in life, you shouldn't be easily swayed by every opinion thrown at you, rather, you should only be swayed by opinions that are backed by solid expertise and evidence - this is what Ti development should help you with. In the end, the results will speak for themselves.

However, if you can't get over the adolescent mindset of reflexively rebelling against "expectations", you will always be overreacting to every opinion that comes your way (which is a recipe for getting stuck in tertiary loop). Even if you end up choosing a so-called "secure" career, the underlying inability to carefully analyze and evaluate the quality of the opinions you encounter (i.e. underdeveloped Ti) will nevertheless result in an unstable life.

[balrogballs]

This is not really a coherent question and I doubt it was your source of inspiration, but the school/police/press/social response to Arwen's activism and death in Prayers To Broken Stone is reminding me very much of the reaction to the Kent State Massacre during the Vietnam War over on this side of the pond, and particularly of the subsequent Hard Hat Riots in NYC (an incident where a bunch of pro-war construction workers and office workers attacked a crowd of anti-war students who were protesting in response to the killings at Kent State, injuring many of them while the police stood by rather than intervening. The leaders of the hard hat contingent were later invited to the White House by Nixon.)

Obviously the actual issues Arwen was protesting were completely different, but it just strikes me as a similarly shitty and morally bankrupt response to student activism as was common in the 60s and 70s.

Yes absolutely!

You’re right on re the worldwide movements across the long 60s and 70s being exactly what I wanted to focus on thematically with the story - essentially showcase transnational activism through the events in these two countries, India and Britain, and connect what Arwen was trying to do in the 1970s to what Maedhros and Maglor were trying to do in the 1930s-40s, essentially the legacy of those final and bloody 20 years of the Raj and the ripple effect it had into Britain itself…

And yup in general it was an extremely turbulent period but one that built a lot of really interesting transnational solidarity links. So yes definitely the Kent State Massacre, Gwangju Massacre in SK, ‘P*kibashing’ in the UK after the Rivers of Blood speech, the complete clusterfuck happening in West Germany, the Emergency in India, the Bangladesh liberation struggle, and tons more etc.

So with Arwen, what I did was essentially mirror the Rhodes Must Fall movement — which has now been extended to more than Rhodes — but fictionalised and pushed forward a couple of decades — where “toppling” the statue doesn’t mean destroying it (as I think many people like to pretend that’s what it means to justify their discomfort towards the movement) but rather bringing the statues down from their pedestals atop buildings/crowning cities, and at the very least contextualising them with plinths that don’t just go “omg DILF 😍”.

I basically selected the most pathetic imperial statue (aka Buller, who genuinely was just shite at his job) to put up in the place of Rhodes to avoid the narrative being drawn into the Rhodes debate itself because it doesn’t really matter whom the statue depicts, as Gil-galad says, there’s no statue that should take precedence over a person (love my bedazzled king)…

And also — 100% on the press response! I wanted to compare how Arwen was portrayed - leather jacket, sunglasses, revolutionary-chic being the frightening image of the 70s, while Maedhros was pictured as being part of a ‘barbaric’ culture due to the folk art he performed etc. Essentially, how an “antinational” citizen is created via image politics etc, with Elrond serving as a palatable buffer between the two.