#just because inej thinks he's not going to come for her

[polycrowtruther]

Okay but so this is so interesting to me

I write polycrows, yeah? And in my version of polycrows Wylan is an equal and cherished person in the relationship - and that relationship includes Inej and Nina. I've had people question me for this, and ask how I could justify putting an explicitly gay man in a relationship including feminine-presenting partners.

Excluding the fact that for one - it's fanfiction so it's already by default not canon, the thing that interests me most is they always use this specific exchange in Crooked Kingdom to argue their point:

“You’re stupid about a lot of things, Wylan, but you are not stupid. And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I’m going to tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina. With tongue.” Wylan wiped his nose on his sleeve. “He’ll never believe it.” “Then I’ll tell Nina you tried to kiss Matthias. With tongue.”

The arguer tells me that this is empirical evidence that Wylan is gay. Strictly homosexual. Does not have an iota of interest in women. And don't get me wrong, in the larger scope of the books and the Grishaverse as a whole Wylan is overwhelmingly written as a queer man. A gay man. A person who identifies as a man very much in love with another person who identifies as a man. I don't think anyone would argue that point, and what's more I would never try to rewrite that or take that away from him because in the canon text having that representation means so much to me.

But when I read these lines for the first time, I did not think it was the proof that Wylan was gay. Actually I didn't think this exchange had to do with Wylan's sexuality at all. I thought the joke was supposed to be that Jesper was threatening to go tell Nina that Wylan did something they both knew Wylan wouldn't do anyways. You see, to me the only characters who blatantly state their sexualities out loud in the text are Nina and Jesper. They stand out as having explicit moments where they confirm that they are attracted to both genders. Inej, Matthias, Kaz, and Wylan to me feel like their sexualities are sub-textual. That you come to understand who they are attracted to and why they are attracted to them as you come to understand who they are as people.

When Wylan reminds Jesper that Matthias would never believe what he just said, I did not think it was because Jesper was trying to claim Wylan would kiss a woman, to me it was because Jesper was trying to claim Wylan would kiss Nina Zenik. Someone who is so unashamed of herself, of her sexuality, of her intimacy. Matthias would not believe that Wylan tried to kiss Nina with tongue because no one would get away with something like that. Nina is confident, she is bold, and she's fucking LOUD. If Wylan tried to kiss Nina it would not remain a secret for long, and if he tried to slip tongue in his first kiss with her he would never live that down. She'd tease him to his grave.

Conversely, if Wylan tried to kiss Matthias, who is both more reserved and more of a 'private' person, it could stand to reason that Matthias would not make that information known amongst the rest of the group. He would be more likely to keep that to himself, which means that could be something that would be somewhat believable news to Nina. That's why the joke still lands, even though Jesper and Wylan both know Wylan wouldn't actually go kiss Matthias either. But he is equally unlikely to kiss Matthias OR Nina, because by this point in Crooked Kingdom they both know Nina and Matthias have rekindled their love for each other and they both respect that love. Even more importantly, they know Wylan is not so bold as to kiss a person out of the blue with no prior flirtation/confirmation that both parties would be interested in it.

To illustrate the case more, let me show you what I mean. Here is the scene rewritten with a different character in the same scenario:

Kaz scoffed, trying to step past Jesper and out the doorway. "Don't try it," Jesper warned, "Because you're wrong. You're not a monster, and I better not ever hear you try to convince yourself otherwise. I mean it. If you do, I'll go run to Matthias and tell him you were trying to kiss Nina. With tongue." "I cannot think of a single soul who would believe you," Kaz retorted easily, his voice wet with fondness. "Fine," Jesper shrugged, "Then I'll just go tell Nina you were trying to kiss Matthias. With tongue."

See what I mean? The context of that 'evidence' is not arguing the point I think people are trying to argue. There are other much stronger examples of Wylan lamenting on himself and his attraction to Jesper. But the interesting thing is that's just my interpretation. I've read people's interpretation that cannot think of this as anything else but Wylan saying that no one would believe he'd try to kiss a girl. And I just think it's so so interesting that words and scenes can mean something "obvious" to one person and something entirely different to another.

And this is not to say that my interpretation is right and the other is wrong, or vice versa. This is literature, this is art, and the moment the creator relinquishes that art to the world it takes a thousand different shapes. Everyone is different and they will understand things in different ways. I just think it's honestly kind of funny this scene in is used in the proposed argument specifically because I fundamentally read that scene differently than they did. It's not even that I disagree necessarily, I mean in terms of the "canon" endings and the "canon" interpretation of Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom I wholeheartedly adore Wesper. It was such an important example of love for me.

But at the same time I don't "ship" things only because they make sense in canon. I ship things because I like the stories I can tell with the characters involved, and I love how overwhelmed I am with polycrows stories. They all have such deep capabilities to love and such unique ways about doing it. And more than that I think Wylan could love Inej and Nina as individuals even if he isn't necessarily attracted to women in the broader sense. In my mind he could love their personalities, their identities, the shapes of their souls and yes even their physical features even though he still chooses to identify as 'gay'. But that's just me, that's just how I think. That is by no means what has to be universally "right" or "understood" about Wylan's character.

So like, yeah. The argument of asking me how I could justify shipping Wylan in polycrows is valid. It's just super interesting to me that this quote specifically was used in that argument.

[a-heart-of-kyber]

Someone should do a meta analysis on the propaganda of the persona of Dirtyhands and how it colors the unreliable narration of the other characters' perception of Kaz and his actions, on top of the fandom's tendency to believe the same as well.

Things like the phrase "Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason." Despite the obvious of him having a reason for Everything.

[barrel-crow-n]

I was just thinking about how Kaz built this heartless persona for himself and how everyone falls for it to varying degrees: He's widely regarded as a monster and as "not made right"; Inej thought he wouldn't come for her and that once she was useless to him that he would discard her; Jesper never knows where exactly he stands with him; Nina "doesn't want to know what dark hole he crawled out of"; Wylan calls him "the most vengeful creature he had ever met"; Matthias believes he's a demon. But in reality his true motives for most things are love and grief and loss of family.

Kaz only wanted money for revenge, he didn't want to try and build a meaningful connection with Imogen because she would distract him from pursuing his vengeance, he only mentions how Pekka conned them out of money to explain how they ended up on the streets, how it was never about the money but about Jordie.

Kaz says that he and Jordie were such easy marks because they missed their dad. Kaz's biggest gripe was not just the loss of Jordie but the illusion of a home and family that Pekka had snatched away before the plague snatched Jordie away too.

It all always leads back to Jordie and his loss and avenging him and about never wanting to be that vulnerable again. Kaz created Kaz Brekker to protect himself, to hide his vulnerabilities. His grief is hidden behind a fake name, his naivety is hidden behind violence, his touch aversion is hidden behind the gloves.

Kaz pushes people away because he fears what will happen if he lets them in. He gets mean when he's vulnerable to hide said vulnerability. He did it in the clocktower, he did it in the bathroom. After he accidently calls Jesper Jordie he lashes out verbally and physically, when Inej asks about Jordie and Pekka's involvement in what happened he recounts how he tortured someone. In both incidents it's again Jordie that he's hiding, that is causing him to be vulnerable. It always leads back to Jordie. Even with Van Eck! He's again angry that he fell for what he fell for before, the thing that made him lose Jordie making him temporarily lose Inej.

In both the Jesper and Inej examples he hides behind violence - by brawling with Jesper and recounting a time when he tortured a young boy. He does this because he loves Inej and Jesper, and it scares him, and he doesn't know what to do with it. Because everyone he's ever loved has died in horrible ways (his father was torn apart by a plough, his brother died from a horrible sickness) and he doesn't want to go through it again - especially since he still hasn't let go of Jordie, although it has been eight years.

Kaz is a person who loves so deeply. Who is mainly motivated by love. Who, when Pekka asks him what he wants, replies "Bring my brother back from the dead." because he never cared about money, nor power, nor anything else. He just wants his brother. All he wanted this whole time is his brother, and since he no longer has him he lashes out, all hurt and grieving. He's hurting so badly that he destroys everyone even mildly involved in what took Jordie away from him. But he only did that because he loved Jordie. It wasn't revenge for the sake of money it was for the sake of love. It was for the sake of Jordie.

Kaz loved Jordie so much that he became the most feared person in Ketterdam, that he took down the King of the Barrel and a merchant from one of the oldest families in Ketterdam (because even if his gripe with Van Eck was unrelated, it's because of Jordie's loss that life snowballed into their interactions and the consequent betrayal and destruction of everything Van Eck held dear). Kaz loved Jordie so much that it changed the entire course of the narrative.

If not for Jordie's loss the heist wouldn't of happened, all of the Crows lives would've been different, some of the Crows would even most likely be dead, and this extends even further to much more major things. The King of Ravka managed to steal the titanium because of his help which will aid Ravka in wars, the path to jurda parem is no longer in the hands of the Fjerdans and a cure is being safely developed in Ravka because Kaz rescued Kuwei, Wylan took over the Van Eck empire because Kaz tampered with Van Eck's will and papers, Inej is working on taking down the slave trade which is only possible because Kaz freed her from her indenture, Nina became the queen of Fjerda because of things that Kaz started (her joining the Dregs instead of being indebted to the Dime Lions, him freeing Matthias, him organising the heist, Matthias dying in the aftermath, her going to Fjerda to bury Matthias and the results which ended up being her and her new lover on the Fjerdan throne trying to fix prejudice against grisha, and women, in the most conservative country).

All of it leads back to Kaz. And he did all of it for Jordie. It all always leads back to Jordie. Jordie and Kaz's love for his big brother and his grief over having him snatched away from him.

[neptune-scythe]

you've heard of what type of person are [insert characters] at a haunted house

but allow me to present

The Crows in an escape room:

Kaz is the person who figures everything out immediately but won't say anything to anyone (they think it's because he's being a dick but really he's too smart for his own good and doesn't want to ruin the experience for the others by escaping in 10 minutes and doing everything himself), or he'll solve something while no one is looking and just go "oh wow look this just opened all by itself how crazy you should do something about that"

Inej and Matthias are calmly solving the clues and methodically writing things down, though Matthias gets frustrated early on, but he hides it well. Inej isn't as invested, she's just there to have fun with her friends and exercise her brain

Wylan is extremely invested. he wants to escape and starts getting flustered almost immediately and is more frustrated than Matthias and way worse at hiding it

Jesper and Nina are playing with the props, having conversations and making jokes. they both start screaming and jumping around excitedly any time the group solves something, even if they did nothing to contribute.

Nina is the person who keeps saying "come on guys we have to focus" and then immediately gets distracted with something that looks dick shaped and won't stop making jokes about it.

Jesper will be paying zero attention to the room and then take one look at something and solve it immediately and go right back to being silly

Kuwei is the one who looses all hope after five minutes and won't stop saying "we're all gonna die" and cannot be convinced otherwise. he doesn't do much to help just kinda sits there being a downer

[petertingle-yipyip]

DADDY ISSUES - KAZ BREKKER

Pairing: established Kaz x Reader // Word Count: 2,989

Summary (request): Hello… I hope you are doing well… I wonder if there could be any chance I can request Kaz Brekker x wife reader, where reader comes from really shitty background (her mom hanged herself, her father is abusive) and she never talked about it much and always helped Kaz build himself back before her, but now it kinda turns around… maybe make it a little angst, like they get in fight about it and the reader just breaks down thinking Kaz will left like everyone else did… hope it’s not to complicated… thank you <3 // couple slight tweaks (forgot it was a wife!request tbh). hope you enjoy! and the title was simply for the vibes, idk

Life in the Barrel was its own hellscape. You never denied or argued that point. Instead, you tried to find your own little bright spots.

You had friends, a crew that’d go to war for you. And lucky you, that crew turned out to be the most feared and respected in Ketterdam.

Not that you knew that when you joined. In the beginning, it was just a way to find a new life. You weren’t even looking for safer or better, just new. Your mother, Saints rest her soul, had been through the ringer. Your father, may he rot in Hell, was as vile as they came. He lost money on gambling, spent nights upon nights upon nights at the Pleasure Houses, drank himself stupid, all to come home and beat down you and your mother. The night your mother tried to fight back and protect you both, your father made a scene. He played innocent, ran into the streets calling for Stadwatch and that your mother was hysterical. The next night, your mother found herself on a short path to the end of a rope.

Your father called it a warning. You called it a threat.

That was when you ran. You packed whatever fit in your bag and ran. You ended up meeting another runaway, a criminally smart boy named Wylan. He didn’t speak much at first, but you two roomed together for a little while during your stint at the dye factory. He was called upon by the Crows first.

You lingered around the Club after that, wondering if they’d take you in too. One of them must’ve took pity on you because when you went back to your musty little lodging, the Wraith was waiting with an offer.

Your life seemed to turn around after that. You turned out to be quite the strategist. Within a few months, you had worked your way to being Kaz’s go-to for when he was mentally stuck. You saw things differently than he did and it made for good conversations and optimal plans for jobs. Whenever you two put your heads together, you were unstoppable.

Naturally, you two drew close and ended up together. You also learned the hard way that Kaz was his own brand of crazy. It took digging and prying and more patience than you thought you had, but he eventually told you everything. It was so much more than you expected and explained a lot of why Kaz was the way he was. But with some not-so-gentle coaxing, you managed to get him to agree to baby steps which grew to strides which grew to leaps and bounds.

With careful feints and evasions, you managed to keep the details of your childhood away from everyone. Even Kaz. When they asked about your parents, you simply said Mom was dead and Dad was long gone. Where were you from? Here, there, wherever the wind blows in from.

By some miracle, you could touch Kaz in practically any sense and he would hardly react. He could touch you willingly, and he did often. Loosely hooking his fingers through yours, a lazy arm around your waist, his chin atop your head when you leaned against him in your booth at the Club.

Inej said he smiled more after you arrived. Nina said she’d never heard an honest laugh until you. Even Jesper said you softened Kaz’s rough edges, not all but enough to notice.

Admittedly, it was nice to be needed. To be wanted. It was so blessedly refreshing.

Until one night, you were suddenly a little kid again, cowering in your mother’s skirts.

You recognized his voice before you saw him. His deep, angry voice rumbled through the Crow Club and you immediately tensed in the booth. You believed he was dead. You used to pray for it. It seemed the Saints didn’t offer you that mercy after all.

Miraculously, Kaz was too enthralled in his debate with Jesper to notice.

Your eyes frantically scanned the crowd, looking at every table for the culprit. When you had checked everywhere, you thought you had imagined it. Someone else with a similar timbre had to be there instead. You sucked in a deep breath, counting off numbers in your head as a distraction, until he practically fell onto the table.

You flinched hard and it instantly drew Kaz’s attention. You stayed frozen, as if your father wouldn’t notice you if you didn’t move. You saw Jesper draw a pistol on reflex and Wylan shot you a worried look.

Wylan was the only one who knew the extent of your childhood trauma, and that was only because he came back to your shared room to you sobbing on your mother’s birthday one night. You spilled your secrets and he hesitantly shared his.

“I can’t be here.” You squeaked, trying to scoot out the booth. Your chest was growing uncomfortably tight and your blood was rushing in your ears.

“I’ll walk with you.” Wylan stood.

“No.” Kaz said firmly. You didn’t need to see his face to know he was giving the back of your head that calculating, suspicious look. “I’ll go. Jesper, get rid of him.”

“Yes, Boss.” Jesper answered.

You tried to make yourself scarce as you heard Jesper telling your father to move. A small clatter later and a large hand, too large to be Kaz’s, locked around your upper arm and yanked you back. You stumbled over your own feet and were pushed against the table’s edge. You closed your eyes tightly, your head dropping immediately. All you wanted was to be as small as possible.

“All this time…” Your father sneered. You could smell the liquor on his breath. “You’ve been here?”

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t. You had no voice. All you could think about were the tears burning behind your closed lids. You simply shook your head, but it wasn’t good enough.

“You’re a coward then, hmm? What happened to all the giggles and flirts these men got, huh? Just like your tramp of a mother.”

Your father shook you and you let out a panicked whimper. You tried to pry his fingers loose but it was useless.

“I suggest you let her go.” Jesper said firmly and you heard the hammer of his pistol. “Before this gets ugly.”

“This doesn’t concern you.” Your father spat. “It’s between me and my daughter.”

“Daughter?”

“What? Can’t see the resemblance?” Your father’s hand tightly gripped your cheeks but you jerked your face away.

“You can’t grab on her like that!” Wylan argued and slammed his fist against the table.

Bless his heart, you thought. Saints, don’t let my father hurt them.

“My friends are right.” Kaz spoke calmly. “Seeing as this is my Club and that is my Crow you’re harassing, I’d very much say this concerns me. If you don’t want to lose that hand, remove it. Now.”

You forced your eyes open but couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze. Instead, you focused on his cane. His shoes. You itched to reach out for him, to fold yourself into the safety of his embrace. An embrace that only you had the privilege of experiencing. But your father’s bulky frame was firmly in the way.

Had he gotten fatter? You had half a mind to say so and laugh, but you knew that was a quick way to a broken nose. You’d never forget the crack of your mother’s when she made an off-hand comment about his waistline one night.

“Mind your own, boy.” Your father spat at Kaz’s feet.

You gasped slightly and Kaz simply chuckled. That delightfully ominous sound was your saving grace. Most men would have apologized, begged forgiveness and swore some sort of penance, but not your father. No, he was stupid and stubborn. He was going to get what was coming to him, albeit less than he deserved in your opinion.

“Oh no..” Wylan said quietly.

You struggled in his grip again. You hoped it was enough of a distraction, but you were wrong. A familiar strike hit your cheek and the force threw you to the side. A pair of arms caught you but you couldn’t focus on anything beside the pain in your cheek.

That trademark back-handed slap, seemingly reserved for you and your mother. The slap that had split your cheek wide open when he had used his ring hand before. The slap that made you feel eight years old again. You had the thought to hide under the table but shook it quickly.

You weren’t a child anymore. Your mother couldn’t help you. You focused back to the current moment, the pulsing sting in your face and the tears in your eyes. You opened your mouth, unsure what you intended to say, but no sound came out. Instead, Kaz swung his cane with enough force to make your father sway on his feet - you thought you saw a tooth go flying - and Jesper was eagerly climbing over the table to join in.

You had half a mind to laugh as they landed strategic blows against your father.

‘Serves you right!’ you wanted to yell but your voice was still missing.

But Wylan was already leading you out of the Crow Club. You didn’t protest the escape. Wylan didn’t say anything until getting to your room at the Slat. You sat on your bed after kicking off your shoes and pulled your knees to your chest.

For what felt like the first time that night, you took a real breath. The adrenaline had faded, leaving your body tired and heavy.

“Do you want to talk?” Wylan gently tried, sitting at the edge of the bed.

You simply shook your head.

“Okay… Do you want something cold for that?” He gestured to his own cheek.

Gingerly, you prodded the tender area. You winced but felt no cut or blood. You shook your head again.

“I’d like to go to bed, I think.” You spoke. Your voice was so small, so far away. That couldn’t be what you sounded like… Was it?

“Of course.” Wylan nodded. He stood and patted your head, making you laugh weakly.

It was the same gesture he did the first time he saw you crying when he didn’t know how to help. Since that first night, it was just what you two did.

“Thank you for sticking up for me.” You offered a grateful smile. “You got the other guys going, too.”

“We’re always gonna be there for you, Y/N/N. And hey, if it helps any, I’m sure Kaz beat the hell out of him.” Wylan offered.

“I’m not convinced anything’ll help anymore, Wy.” You shrugged before laying down.

Not until he’s dead, but you didn’t dare say that part out loud.

You waved goodbye to Wylan before you took your pillow and put it over your face. You held it there and screamed as loud as you could. You screamed until you were out of air, then sucked in a deep breath just to do it all over again. Once the screams were gone, you cried. They were ugly, likely snot-filled and red faced cries, but who the hell cared?

You cried until your throat was raw, your breaths were shaky, and your eyes were dry. You had nothing left in you except childhood pain, so you did the only thing you could. You let sleep take you.

It wasn’t long until the door creaked open and you shot up. You blinked the sleep out of your eyes quickly, reaching in a panic for the small blade on your nightstand.

“It’s alright, Dear.” Kaz spoke calmly. “It’s just me.”

“Oh…” You sighed in relief, pushing your hands through your hair. “Just a bit jumpy, I guess.” You tried to laugh it off.

“That man in the Club...”

“Kaz, I don’t want to-“

“You never mentioned your parents.” He kept on going.

You groaned to yourself, understanding that Kaz was going to be stubborn about the topic. With a sigh, you ran a sleeve across your face. You folded your legs and Kaz sat in the now open space of your bed. He kept his eyes on his cane, tapping it as he spoke.

“Those things he said about your mother, what he did to you…”

“Yes, my father is an ass.” You conceded. “Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you want me to say, Kaz? My family was broken. Hardly a family at all, nothing more to it.”

“Seems like there’s much more to it.” He countered.

“Oh, for Saint’s sake.” You ran a hand down your face. “What do you want me to say?”

“You completely shut down, Y/N.” He said firmly. There was concern in his voice, but it seemed smothered by the anger still looming. You blamed your father for that, too. Was there anything that man couldn’t ruin? “He put hands on you and you did nothing.”

“I’m well aware.” You bit out. You placed your hand over where your father’s had been and it was as if the skin was burned by his touch. You shivered slightly but said nothing else.

“I’ve never seen that happen to you.”

“Let it go, Kaz. I’m begging you.”

“Convenient, isn’t it?” He scoffed slightly. “When you wanted to know of all my pain and torment, I had to lay it all bare for you to scrutinize and study. Yet when it comes to facing your past, you don’t have words?”

“I don’t have words.” You rolled your eyes. “If you believe that’s the case, then just leave me be.”

“I’m not leaving you.” He sounded near offended that you’d suggest such a thing. “Not until you talk to me.”

“What difference will it make?” You nearly screamed. “You’ve seen the truth. You know that I’m a fraud and I’m weak and pathetic. Feel free, Kaz, to cut your losses and go. I don’t expect you to stay after that fiasco.”

“You think so little of me?” He didn’t bother hiding how your words hurt him.

“I think the world of you.” You corrected quickly. “But I also know you. That whole thing made a mockery of who everyone knows me to be, and that reflects on you and your choice. My father has the infernal talent of breaking me down as if I’m nothing. He had always been able to break me and he enjoyed it. I’m sure he looked very high and mighty doing it again, didn’t he?”

Kaz didn’t answer.

“So now you know. Now you know that I’m not at all what I pretend to be around here, and I won’t blame you if you walk right out that door and never acknowledge me again.”

“Is that what you want, my dear?” He asked quietly.

His gloves were abandoned on your nightstand, you hadn’t even seen him take them off, and he gently took hold of your hand. With minimal force, he removed your hand from your arm and slipped his fingers between yours.

“Do you want me to go?” He asked. His voice was quiet, so uncertain. You had never heard such a tone from him.

“No…” You confessed. “But I know-“

“Then tell me.” His eyes met yours and in the dim moonlight from your window, you could’ve sworn you saw…

Tears? 

Well that couldn't be right. You didn’t even remember him crying when he told you the story of his brother. Why would he be crying now?

You reached your other hand for his cheek, smiling to yourself as he leaned into your touch.

“This isn’t your burden to carry, my love.” You answered softly. He sighed slightly but had no argument yet. “You wear so many hats, balance so many titles and jobs. You bear the weight of so much pain as it is… I can’t ask you to bear mine.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.” He corrected, gently taking your hand off his cheek. “Y/N, you are the only thing in this world worth having. Every breath I take is because of you. Every day I wake it is because you are beside me. To know that this has haunted you, to know that man exists in the same city- same country- same universe that you is a crime that I will personally make him answer for. He threw away the privilege of your love and your protection the first time he dared to put his hands on you.”

“Am I protecting him?”

The question wasn’t meant to come out. The look he gave you was so close to pity you felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

“You offered to carry my pain as if it were yours so long ago.” He spoke gently, so gentle that it made your heart ache. “You carry everyone’s pains and gripes without a word… Let me do the same for you.”

“He’s the reason I lost everything…” You nearly whispered. “He’s the reason I had nothing. What if he’s the reason I lose you?”

“It’s going to take more than that to scare me off, Darling.” He gave you a small smile. “I swear to you, Y/N, he will never hurt you again.”

You sniffled and threw your arms around him. He was quick to return your embrace.

“I love you.” You mumbled against his shoulder.

You managed a better sleep with Kaz beside you. The next day, you two stayed cooped up in your room and you answered every question you could manage.

Admitting to the extent of your father’s abuse was more difficult than you expected. Several times during your conversation, you found yourself shutting down and trying to change the topic to whatever you saw out your window.

Yet Kaz was ever so patient.

You knew then, beyond any sort of doubt, that you and Kaz would be together for a very long time.

[ramen8008]

Okay so.... how's Kaz gonna propose. Because I am sure that no matter how much Inej wants to she will 100% make sure it's Kaz who proposes. Because that's how she was raised and she won't let anything the world threw at her from thinking she deserves any less.

But like...

Kaz: so I have a... proposition for you. This benefits both of us I mean there's tax benefits and all and I believe that if you say yes to this it will...uh be very... favourable to you.

Jesper: .... You know you are practicing for a proposal right?

Wylan: This is a marriage proposal right?

Kaz: yes.

*Nina in the corner shaking from trying not to laugh.*

Wylan: Maybe try being a little more....I don't know...direct?

Kaz: I am always direct.

Wylan: why can't he simply just say "will you marry me?" And we can give him some sweet little speech to memorize

Jesper: No we can't do that. Inej will know he's simply reading off a script. She needs a proposal that comes from Kaz

Nina dying in the corner holding back her laughter.

Jesper: okay try being really straight forward...ask her in one sentence maybe?

Kaz: will you sign this legal bond between us tha-

Jesper: wait right stop there.

Wylan: just ask the question and be more... enthusiastic

Kaz: will you sign this legal bond between us tha-

Jesper: Okay stop right there. We can make this work

Wylan: Yes try being more...happy about it.

Kaz: *stares at Wylan*

Wylan: Nevermind... Saints! He's never gonna get this if he doesn't even try. Do you even want to propose?!?

Kaz: *Glares* Of course I do why else would I even bother being here with you-

Jesper: Okay shut it! Wylan I need a glass of water this is going to take a while. And Kaz do as we say or you're not getting my blessing

Kaz: I don't need your blessing. What are you? Her father?

Jesper: If you really think Inej will marry you without our blessing then you shouldn't even bother proposing

Kaz: *sighs in frustration* fine

Nina, pokes in: yeah he's not getting my blessing

Kaz: What?! Why?!

Nina: I am sorry I might be mistaken but weren't you the one who referred to Inej as your "investment". *Blinks innocently*

Kaz: THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!!

Nina: Your fault that you just happen to call the love of your life that, maybe if you weren't such a dense idiot-

Jesper: I said shut it! Nina go back to your corner and Kaz I need you to pay close attention. Make it short and simple where you ask her to marry you and also tell her how much you love and cherish her, alright? Can you do that?

Kaz: *sighs* yeah...

Jesper: okay start!

Kaz: ....

Kaz: I want to-

Jesper: wait...what was that pause at the start

Kaz: well you said to keep it short so I was shortening it.

Jesper: what do you mean "it"

Kaz: I never speak without filtering and around Inej there's too much to filter so I keep it short but since there's so much I want to say sometimes it takes awhile to gather my thoughts.

Jesper: and these things are like what? Compliments?

Kaz:....sort of I guess. More complicated though.

Jesper: YES! THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO! Tell her all you think about her without filtering or changing anything. Just let your heart speak for itself. Don't think about it

Kaz: What do you mean "don't think about it" that's what I d-

Jesper: that's the problem. You dwell on it too much and don't let yourself be vulnerable but you love Inej right? So what's a better way to show it then be exactly that! Omg I am a genius

Kaz: No, you are an idiot. Why would I want to be vulnerable

Jesper: To show Inej you care! That you are willing to let down you guard for her

Kaz: That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard. I did that once, I spoke without thinking. It was fucking embarrassing

Wylan:*raises an eyebrow* and what happened?

Kaz: ... Shit he's right

Jesper: SEE I was right, the last time you did that you got Inej

Kaz: I still think that's a stupid idea

Nina: and you wonder why it took you so long to get anywhere. You need to show her love and romance but since you dwell so much on your thoughts you treat her like everyone else MEANING you treat her like shit.

Jesper: Shush Nina! Don't say that to him, poor guy just wants to propose.

Wylan: Kaz like you said you have a lot to say about Inej to her that you don't. So when you propose just tell her everything you want her to know. Don't dwell on it or anything just listen to your heart and speak

Nina: yeah like he has a heart. My waffles are capable of more human emotions than him.

Kaz: FINE! WHATEVER I'LL DO IT ON MY OWN!

Jesper: just listen to what Wylan said. We know Inej and as much as you might think otherwise we want this to work.

Nina: I-

Jesper gives Nina a look

Nina: What? I just want Inej to be happy and if it's with him then fine

Kaz: Whatever I'm going

Wylan: Just remember! Let your heart speak and don't think about it!

---------------------------------------------------------

Kaz:*thinking* shit shit shit shit

Inej: *Lands behind him*

Kaz *turns around*: Hello... hi? Hey?

Inej: *amused* ...hey?

Kaz: ...

Inej *smiles*: so why did you call me here?

Kaz: *thinking*: shit she's smiling what do I do

Inej: Kaz?

Kaz: *thinking* shit okay I need to stop thinking, just say anything that comes to mind, okay you can do it

Inej: Kaz? Are you alr-

Kaz: Iloveyou!

Inej: *confused* ...thanks? I love you too. But seriously are you alright Kaz? You look like you're about to pass out.

Kaz: No I'm not. I just need to tell you something

Inej: okay.... I'm listening.

Kaz, deep breathes: okay. Here goes nothing

Kaz: I need to tell you that you are lovely and brave and better than anything I deserved. That I am twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that that I can't pull myself together into some semblance of a man for you. That without meaning to, I'd begun to lean on you, look for you, to need you near. I love your laugh and if I could bottle the sound and get drunk on it every night I would. It terrifies me.

I memorized your favorite flower, favorite song, favorite sweet, just to see you smile. Your smile is one thing I would die to earn again. No saint has ever looked after me...but you have, Inej. I want you, Inej. And I'll have you anyway you want, without gloves, head turn your way so we can kiss. I'll give you myself without armor for you to have.

Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, will you do me the honor of marrying you.

[undiscovered-horizon]

"Four Crows Investigation" - Kaz Brekker x Reader

[vulgar language]

[Part 2 - Lovebirds' Outfox]

☽ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ☾

Enjoying my work? You can leave me a tip on Ko-Fi

SUMMARY: After Nina makes a passing comment about Brekker’s heartbeat, three crows join her in an investigation to uncover the true nature of your relationship with Kaz.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.4k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist&lt;<

Sitting around the table, leaning forward in a secretive manner, the four Crows look nothing short of a conspiracy. Their appearance is in no way deceptive - that’s exactly the reason for their meeting. Nina looks between Jesper’s and Wylan’s shoulders, checking whether you and Kaz are in any way suspicious of their gathering. For now, you look a little too preoccupied with each other. Time for the final conference.

The Heartrender leans even further towards her friends, looking between them with a questioning gaze. She seems to be the most excited about this ‘secretive investigation’, as she called it a week ago, but that should not come as a surprise - all of this has been her idea from start to finish. The moment she noticed Kaz’s heartbeat significantly pick up when you showed up in a ball gown in an attempt to mix in with the immorally wealthy crowd at the banquet, Nina simply had to know more. Her friends, although reluctant at first, joined the scheme out of their own meddling.

“So, what did you manage to find out?” She’s trying to keep her voice quiet but the sheer excitement makes it difficult.

“I still don’t understand why we’re doing this,” Wylan stutters out while shaking his head gently. He may be part of a crime syndicate now but spying on his friends, and his boss, just seems too far.

“Because we care about them?” Jesper asks with fake worry in his voice. Then, a devious smile appears on his face. “And we’re morbidly curious.”

“Can’t we just ask them, then?”

“As if either of them is going to say something,” Inej grunts. Knowing both of you fairly well, she never expected a straightforward question to get anything outside of a snarky comment or a side-eye.

Nina impatiently taps her hand on the table. “Alright, who goes first?”

╚ Jesper’s Evidence  ╝

He knows Kaz is going to get angry the moment he walks through the door but, at the same time, Jesper’s kind of out of options. As much as he hates to admit it to himself and definitely will not do it aloud, he’s facing an impasse.

The moment he pushes the door open, your and Kaz’s eyes snap towards him. He makes a note of your shoulders - brushing against one another as you’re standing over scattered papers, a little too close for practicality or for the closeness to be accredited to accident. You’re definitely giving the impression that he walked in at an inconvenient moment.

But Jesper is good at bluffing, never giving away that he noticed the thought-provoking lack of space between you. “Carliogne won’t talk unless he sees the contract you signed with Bruglione,” he informs. “His reasoning is that we’re probably trying to fuck him over.”

Kaz stares at him for a moment with an unreadable expression. “We are,” he finally answers.

“Well, he doesn’t need to know that for now, does he?”

“It makes sense,” you speak up. Pondering, you nod to yourself. “If he sees the contract, he’ll become less cautious and playing him should be even easier. Just wait a second,” you wave your hand at Jesper, “I think I put it in the bottom drawer.”

The moment you crouch behind the desk, Jesper’s eyes catch movement - Kaz is covering the edge of the table over your head with his hand. Considering that he’s looking at papers in the opposite direction, he might not even be aware of this little habit. The gunslinger stifles a smile. Nina is going to love this.

Soon, you stand back up at the protective hand reaches to flip through a wad of documents as though nothing has happened. Extending your arm towards Jesper, you offer him the folded contract between your two fingers.

“Please, don’t get it stained.”

“Can’t make promises,” he says with a cheeky smile as he snatches the paper from you.

Jesper hears your groan right before he closes the door behind himself.

╚ Wylan’s Evidence  ╝

Wylan rarely got ‘field work’ aside from setting up explosives. The out-of-ordinary occasions were stake-outs, when he’d sit in one place for hours on end waiting for something to happen, having only Jesper’s company to pass the time - not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, that’s the only part that makes those ‘patrol duties’ bearable.

 Although he feels uneasy creepily watching, he’s supposed to wait for an agreed-on sign to carry out his part in the plan. And with Jesper gone to the bathroom, the responsibility of staying vigilant is his only. Sitting on the carriage bench, he has a good view of the street but most of his attention surrounds a certain table at a boulangerie near the junction. You and Kaz are doing a great job at looking common - just drinking coffee, chatting, completely run-of-the-mill people and definitely not hardened criminals ready to call their companions to action when their prey is in sight.

Wylan suddenly sits up, hardly believing the scene unfolding before his eyes: you offer Kaz your bagel and he just… bites it. No glares, no scowls, he just takes a bite and you continue the conversation. Maybe Nina was right and something is up.

The carriage shakes slightly as Jesper gets back on it. “What did I miss?” he asks in an upbeat voice.

╚ Inej’s Evidence ╝

It’s the middle of the night but Inej rarely works at other times. Only one thing stands between her and the comfort of her bed - Kaz. She’s well-aware that he’s still going to be working at this hour, making her wonder once more: when does he rest?

Kaz seems to be expecting her as he doesn’t even flinch when she barges into his office. He just looks up at her for a moment, only to return to writing something. Inej is about to tell him what Lorenzzo Carliogne had been up to during the day, when her eyes focus on a surprising singularity: the daybed standing in the corner of the office, used as an additional shelf or a desk most of the time, is occupied. First, she realizes that it’s you sleeping on it but then another, a much more interesting detail, catches her eye in the dim candlelight of the room - you’re covered with a coat that undoubtedly looks like it belongs to Kaz.

“I take it there’s a reason you’re here at this hour?” Brekker brings her attention back to himself.

“Yes,” she starts, sparing you one last glance before looking at Kaz, “Carliogne lives with his wife and three children. Staff comes in through a separate pair of doors, only the main chef and butler have keys to it. There’s a rotation in guards during lunch.”

“Good,” he answers. Kaz looks up at Inej but again, it’s just for a moment - his focus is soon directed at the papers in front of him.

A silence falls. The thought to inquire about you, the daybed and his coat passes her thoughts but an instinct dissuades her from doing so. Because realistically, what sort of answer would Kaz give her anyway? It’s better to spare herself the snark and just go to bed.

The four friends look between each other, curious whether all of them came to the same conclusion. Tense excitement hangs in the air. There is a certain aspect of juvenile nosyness that entices them, making this whole over-the-top operation fun and not just a gossip convention.

A pout twists Nina’s face. It would have looked sad if it wasn’t for her raised eyebrows, making her expression more compassionate than woeful. “They’re so in love it’s kind of embarrassing,” she announces.

Three pairs of eyes follow her pitiful gaze to the faraway table where you’re sitting with Kaz, oblivious to the interest the Crows have in you. It looks like you’re retelling him a story, gesturing wildly with one of your hands, while the other is kept on the table, underneath his gloved fingers. Kaz is just nodding along, answering something shortly from time to time. 

“Just look at them,” Jesper says with a sense of misguided pride as though he had some contribution in the makings of the couple. He’s shaking his head with amusement. “How could we ever had any doubts?”

“Do you think they know that we know?” Wylan asks quietly.

Inej shrugs. “I don’t think they care.”

[pandaexpress303]

just thinking about the line "he doesn't say goodbye, he just lets go" in reference to kaz at the end of crooked kingdom, because this line is actually quite ironic.

yes, kaz tends to not have a tendency to say goodbye to people or to anything, as seen in the both the books and the show (I know he came to say goodbye to inej, but like when did he actually utter the words??? that's right, he didn't). so, the first half of this quote still somewhat stands.

it's the second part of the quote that gets me. "he just lets go." because this could not be more untrue when it comes to kaz. when inej tells him she isn't going to stay in Ketterdam and is going to leave and hunt slavers, does kaz resign himself to her leaving and let go? no, for once in his life he voices his real feelings and asks her to stay with him. after the events of the 2 books are over, does kaz let go of his time with the crows and move on? well, he kinda has to a bit but actually no, because he names his club "The Silver Six" and continues to ask after them (i.e. telling Jesper he is missed at the slat). in fact, Kaz's entire motivation throughout the past 8 years of his life has been rooted in vengeance of something he still hasn't moved on from that happened when he was 9! poor kaz has only ever had good things ripped from him, and I think this caused him to develop a tendency to not just "let go" of anything. I could maybe even get metaphorical and argue that kaz holding onto Jordie's body is representative of his inability to let things go....but I won't cause I haven't thought that through yet haha. anyway, just food for thought.

[linearao3]

I don’t have a new Publish or Perish chapter and probably won’t any time super soon because I am very tired and also I hate that I am being accidentally Relevant due to H-1B Discourse. So please accept this tiny little interstitial — probably the only Kaz POV I will provide for this fic. You could say there are spoilers but I think it’s more like foreshadowing? This might not even be canonical to the fic. Who can say. But please enjoy.

—

He reaches for the phone out of habit, because that’s what he does now at night, look and see if Inej has texted him. And yes, she did just leave, but you never know.

She hasn’t texted. She just left; of course she hasn’t.

He thinks vaguely that he might have read somewhere that you should ask people to text you when they get home safely. He can’t remember if this was etiquette advice, or a devious way of making sure they kept thinking about you.

He’d had some notion, in his head, that after he kissed her, she might turn in the doorway and close her hand around his jaw, pull him down to kiss her. She is so warm, and her mouth is warmer, and he imagines — imagines too much, with too much of his time and too much presumption that he’ll ever find out — that it’s even warmer than that in her cunt.

He’s jealous of the stupid toy. He’s so smug that she likes it.

He types

Sex is so strange. I had all these notions of what I wanted to do, and I didn’t do any of them, and what I did do feels like the only good thing that has ever happened to anyone ever. That’s how I felt when you came to my office, too.

He never texts her first. He likes knowing she chose to start it, that she wants it. That she’s lying in bed thinking about him. He keeps typing.

The thing is that my brother died. And that’s the only thing that ever happened to me, really.

He’s forty — okay, no, he’s not forty, but he feels like he ought to be forty — and he’s tried to have sex exactly twice before now, once with Jesper and once with Imogen and they were both so disastrous he tries not to think about it. But he’s forty or thirty or whatever and he’s coming to the end of his debt and he will take care of Rollins soon, soon, pull out the brick of Marya Van Eck and everything will crumble. And then he’ll just be — a professor, he supposes. A professor with a good salary who could get stupid nice small things and could have friends over for dinner and could have a girlfriend. Because why shouldn’t he? Except that there’s a gaping savage maw where his heart ought to be.

I do still want to fuck you. I bought some condoms. I imagined you putting one on me, like a horny sex ed class with Dr. Ghafa, and I’d be so hard in your hand.

He jerked off before she came, with the idea that he might last longer when she was actually there, and he doesn’t know if he can physically manage three in a night but his body seems interested in trying it.

He was never really a teenager, he thinks— he woke up in the hospital whatever thing he is now, which wasn’t a child and has maybe never been an adult — so maybe now he’s doing adolescence as a crash course, an intensive study in constant graceless horniness and short-sighted stupidity.

You’re never going to forgive me. I want you to. You shouldn’t. It’s just that I’m selfish. If you asked me I’ll say that it’s because I promised you but it’s really because I just want to be able to see you sometimes. I want to be able to give you things. I’m not going to send this. I just got so used to telling you things. You are so beautiful and I want you so much and I am so tired. I’m going to sleep. Sleep well, Inej. Come and talk to me.

He force-quits the chat application, drops the phone, and falls asleep. He dreams Inej smiles, bright and vicious and righteous, and tells him he did everything just right.

[honeyflower-bellybower]

I love to think that during Kaz's journey to re-learn skin-to-skin touch, he starts touching Inej's hair instead. Just going through it with naked fingers, or combing it, or maybe even braiding it. He's a bit tense at first, because he's still Kaz Brekker and affection doesn't come natural to him. But eventually it becomes a habit. It's a way of telling her he's trying, and he's giving her his best. It's a way of being intimate without getting triggered, a way of cuddling her without ruining the mood with staggered breathing.

[dasiesanddarkness]

okay but Wylan's love language is gifts because he is Kerch and to give someone something without expecting anything in return is like the epitome of love to him.

Jesper realizes this and will bring him random little things (a cool rock. a flower. sheet music he saw in a store. an old ring he doesnt wear anymore but thinks Wylan would like. a shirt he thought would look good on him. a little trinket he made him), but Wylan always ends up bringing him something in return to make up for it, and it frustrates Jesper endlessly. he just wants to give him things to show he loves him, but Wylan insists on giving him things back. It gets so bad that they have to promise to only give one gift a day, and that they have to go back and forth with it. they have an endless supply of stuff in their house.

it's even worse with Kaz, Inej, and Nina because he doesn't see them as often. Kaz will walk in to something sitting on his desk and just know it's from Wylan. every time Inej comes back to Ketterdam there's like a million new things in her room in their house. Nina gets packages sent once a month filled with things. and they have no way of stopping him because he has the funds to do this, and also no one ever actually sees him collecting them, they always just kinda... show up.

and there are always a thousand little things out in the backyard under an M carved into the wood of a tree

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

hiii! request for kaz x reader where she’s super drunk and he has to help her get home. they end up spending the night together. love ur work!!!!

This took a bit of a turn… your warning would be grief and a bit of sadness. Looks like that’s today’s theme.

I’ll sit with you

All Kaz wanted was a calm night. He had too much to do. Too much to look over. And all of it wasn’t gonna get done unless he concentrated. But the universe had other plans because not even an hour later after he had sat down his door was opened by a worried-looking Inej.

“We might have a problem”, she muttered, looking at him worriedly. “What is it this time?”, Kaz grunted, “Can’t you all just figure some stuff on your own?” Inej frowned but just shook her head, “It’s Y/n”. And that was enough to make a shiver run down Kaz’s body. All of the worst scenarios flashed through his mind.

“She’s alive just…”, as if reading Kaz’s thoughts Inej added, “Just so fucking drunk”. Kaz ran his damp hands over his pants, “So, walk her home”, he gritted his teeth. He hated it when you got the hold of your alcohol consumption. It happened rarely. But… his eyes darted to the calendar on his desk. Today was marked in a red bubble. Your sister’s death date. Mentally cursing himself for letting it slip Kaz stood over reaching for his cane. Inez looked at him as if seeing a spectacle. “What?”, Kaz practically growled. “I didn’t think you would actually… go to her”, her voice was barely a whisper. “Yeah, me neither but look at me now”, he gestured to himself before pushing past her.

Kaz was at least glad that you had chosen one of his bars to get wasted at. He had people there. Even more so that meant that his crows were there. So at least someone kept an eye on you. But what he didn’t expect was to see Jesper holding onto a ladder shouting towards the ceiling. Well, until he looked up himself and there you were. Curled on the wooden beam. Face radish and splotchy.

“Move”, Kaz jabbed his cane into Jesper’s back, climbing the first couple steps of the ladder. “Care to explain?”, he looked straight at you. Trying to keep his worrying at bay for now. “No”, you muttered, sad eyes burning through him. “How many of my bottles did you down, huh?”, even if his legs screamed at him, he still climbed higher. You glanced to the side, looking at the table below, “Two maybe”.

Kaz hummed, “The good kind?”, pulling himself up. “With the waxed top”, you muttered, licking your lips, eyes growing hazy. Kaz nodded trying to keep his balance as he inched closer to you, “Very well, at least you have a good taste”. You chuckled lightly, pushing to get up but miscalculating your balance. Nearly tipping over the edge. Gasps from below filled the bar. But Kaz already had his arms around you.

“Have I told you that I hate that you climb things like a lunatic?”, Kaz sighed, making sure you both were steady on your feet. “Once or twice”, you hiccuped, quickly covering your mouth. Kaz gave you a tight smile. Reaching his arm out, he pulled you closer, “Come here”, the warmth of his filled all of the broken pieces of your heart. As you clung to him as if he was a lifeline. “It’s okay, I got you”, he muttered against your hair. “I’m sorry”, you whimpered, feeling your eyes fill up with tears. “I understand. We both lost people we loved. I will never hold that against you”, you moved to look up at him. Watching him for a heartbeat before nodding your head. “Come on, I’ll sit with you for a bit and then we will go home”, Kaz muttered, before helping you to sit down. “And you bunch get lost”, he gestured to the rest of the crows looking up at you two.

[19burstraat]

I think often of the last chapter of crooked kingdom. not the one everyone considers the last chapter, the last last chapter, the pekka chapter. weeks (months?) after kaz scared him out of ketterdam, pekka starts making moves to salvage his businesses. not much, just reading papers and correspondence, maybe answering letters. and that very night, like he's summoned her, inej appears to warn him off. if he ever thinks of coming back to ketterdam, she says, they'll meet again so she can make the second cut. I love love love it. we know that kaz didn't send her ('I have my own message to deliver'), so her knowledge of pekka's attempt to return suggests she's been keeping tabs on him for her own means. or she has supernaturally good intuition, which is probably the sort of thing she'd want pekka to think-- he worries that maybe she isn't entirely human after all. but regardless, this scene serves a couple of purposes-- it hammers home exactly how scared the slavers should be of inej (very lol), it illustrates the contrast between the complacent old ketterdam (pekka & jan van eck) and the frankly feral new one (kaz & wylan), but I think it also draws a pointed line under the closeness of kaz and inej that we saw in the last chapter.

the only witnesses to the kaz-pekka showdown were pekka's men, and inej. we know that pekka's men will have taken pekka's weakness & kaz's monstrosity from it, but what did inej take from it? because put mildly, kaz lost his absolute shit in that chapel, and let slip more than he probably would have done if he'd just been talking to inej alone. inej, at that point, had been aware for a while how obsessed kaz was with rollins, but that probably put into a hard perspective exactly how badly his presence and involvement affects kaz. kaz describes it as a 'dark door' that's opened in him; if rollins was to come back, there's a good chance kaz would be dragged back into that (to use an inej phrase) undertow, of obsession and revenge and irrationality. they don't really discuss it, and we don't get much of inej's perspective on it, but I think it's not surprising that she wants pekka out of kaz's way permanently. he's a threat to any progress she has made or might make with him. he's the tangible reminder of the worst and least reasonable side of kaz that always teeters on the edge of going where inej can't follow.

so yes, we talk a lot about how inej influences kaz... but maybe less about how kaz has influenced inej. inej takes a page out of the kaz playbook, here, probably because she's doing this for him (even if I'm not entirely sure he even knows that she's gone there). she gets into pekka's head, plays on the potentially supernatural and the impossible, sets up a 'what if?' and plants a seed of paranoia. she uses the nickname kaz gave her, 'the wraith', and rollins thinks of her as kaz's 'wraith queen'. kaz says to her that 'sometimes fate needs a little assistance', and clearly she took that to heart. we know that when kaz needs extra morality, he often draws on inej; but when inej needs extra monstrosity, she often draws on kaz.

[unactive-shroom]

Hi!! Could I get prompt #8 w/ Kaz Brekker?? Thx!!

(Oh and a fluff ending if possible)!!

*Prompt #*8: Trouble in Paradise ♡ 

“You and your partner spent the day before Valentine’s arguing and yelling. Will you make it up before Valentine’s is through? Or will this years Valentine be the worst yet..?”

Character: Kaz Brekker. Valentine's Event: Here

You turned over in bed, alone. Yesterday you and Kaz had argued and yelled for what felt like hours. You were just tired of Kaz not talking to you - never telling you before a mission would happen, not telling you about a mission he had earlier - heck, you found out from Jesper that Kaz had gotten badly hurt on his bad leg during a mission that you had heard nothing about. That was what had started the argument. You had always respected Kaz’s wishes, never complaining about the limited hours you had to spend with him, or judging him for the things he’d done, the blood on his hands. You kept your distance when he needed it, never complained about only being able to brush hands with him, occasionally a kiss. All you asked was that he told you before he went on a mission, in case it would be the last time you saw him alive. The argument had ended when Kaz had said that he didn’t need you, didn’t need anything to drag him down. Silence, thick like tar had enveloped the crow club after that. You both stared at each other, and while Kaz’s face remained unchanged, you could see the regret trickle into his eyes as he realised what he had said. You had simply turned on your heel and left, heading for Nina’s flat across the city. She let you stay the night - no questions asked.

It was now early morning, grey and wet, rain showering down on the pavements casting an even more miserable shadow on the morning. You left Nina’s apartment without waking her, and headed down to 2nd harbour, knowing Kaz avoided the area because of the increase amount of Stadwatch stationed there. You didn’t bother check if Inej was trailing you - Kaz was planning a big heist tomorrow, and Inej would be trailing their target for the day. At least, that’s what Jesper had told you. Kaz didn’t tell you anything anymore. Anyways, even if Inej had been trailing you, you wouldn’t be able to tell. The only time you stopped was to buy some fried potatoes for breakfast from a street vendor, the greasy warmth being your only source of heat against the blustery Kerch weather. Upon arriving at 2nd Harbour, you simply stood at the wall, watching the ships come and go from the harbour wall. You needed time to think. Was your relationship with Kaz actually working? When did things start to go wrong? He was right, you were dragging him down, holding him back. Sourly dumping the remainder of your fried potatoes in the trash can behind you, you turned and went to walk down the steps leading to the narrow strip of grey, lifeless sand beside the water, before slipping on the wet cobblestones and landing in a heap at the end of the stairs. You cursed as you unsteadily stood up, noticing a long gash up the length of your forearm. Great, you thought bitterly, just what I needed. Luckily there was few people around and no one had seen your tumble, but it was motivation enough to leave your brooding and return to Nina’s to patch yourself up.

Just as you were coming up the back entrance to Nina’s flat, you heard his voice. “Nina, if you don’t tell me, I will gut out this whole flat and throw it all in the Kerch sea - where is y/n?”. He was yelling, and sounded strange, concern laced in his voice. “Inej was suppposed to be trailing her, said she came here, but left early this morning for second harbour. By the time I got there, she was gone. Where did she go? Did she leave Ketterdam? God damn it, Nina, just tell me already!” You briefly considered leaving Kaz to wonder where you were, show him how it felt when he was gone, but you thought better of it. Pushing open the back door to the kitchen, an immediate silence enveloped the kitchen. Kaz and Nina looked at you, wide eyed. You watched his eyes travel from your eyes, to your wild, tangled hair from falling down the stairs, to the dried blood over the gash on your arm. He made an immediate start and limped over to you, gently taking your arm and inspecting the wound. “…Did someone do this?” He asked, looking at you with intense eyes. You looked back at him, anger growing from the pits of your stomach. How could he just waltz back in here and expect everything to be fine between them? You pulled your arm away harshly, saying nothing, and made your way up the stairs to Nina’s spare bedroom. As you were reaching the top, you heard Nina say “I think you really messed up this time, Kaz.”.

You sat on the edge of the bed, trying to tie the bandage around your arm with one hand and your teeth, blinking back tears of frustration. A tentative knock sounded at the door. You ignored it, turning to try get a better angle to tie the bandage around your arm. The door opened and shut, and despite having your back turned to him, you knew it was Kaz. His all too familiar cane clicked against the hardwood floor as he approached you. Both of you said nothing as he sat down beside you on the bed, your back still turned to him. After a few minutes of you still struggling with the bandage, he stood up, and knelt in front of you. You knew it must’ve been hell to kneel on his bad leg, but still, you couldn’t meet his eyes. “Please, y/n.” His hand gently took your arm again, and he gently wiped away the dried blood on your arm that you had missed in your frustration. He bandaged your arm carefully, and as he sat back up beside you, he kept a gentle hold of your arm. Carefully turning your face to look at him, he wiped away the tears that were cascading down your face and said simply, “I’m sorry.”, and for the first time in a very long time, he opened his arms and hesitated, before letting you cry onto his shoulder. He said very simply how he didn’t mean what he had said, and apologised for not communicating with you. He didn’t need a grand display of apology, you knew he meant every word of what he said .

Before long, you and Kaz had left Nina’s house and were walking arm in arm along the exchange. “I did have flowers, but they kind of got trampled on my way here.” he muttered, glancing at you. You looked at him incredulously. “I’m sorry, Kaz Brekker - ‘Dirtyhands’, ‘Bastard of the Barell’- was walking around Ketterdam with flowers? Why on earth -?” He elbowed you, looking sour. “For you, obviously. You think I enjoyed looking like a sappy moron walking around? Look, I’ll get you something else instead. How about-” He pointed at a very expensive looking diamond necklace in a shop window. “-that? We’ve broken in there before, it’s an easy job, just say the word and it’s yours.” You pulled him along, laughing. “Kaz, we both know well that I don’t need a gift as an apology. We just had an argument, that’s all”. “You don’t know what day it is? February 14th, y/n. Don’t tell me you got brain damage when you took a trip down those stairs?” You looked at him blankly, not registering the date until - “Oh! It’s Valentine’s!” You gasped, and Kaz shook his head, smiling. “Wow, Kaz, you really are terrible, fighting with your partner on Valentine’s day.” He chuckled, giving you a funny look. ”Yeah, out of all the things I’ve done in my life, that’s the most unforgivable.” “mhm! you owe me big time”.

Needless to say, after a whole evening spent with Kaz talking and playing cards, you woke up to a pretty piece of jewellery sitting on your pillow, with a note that reads “Maybe don’t wear it out for a few weeks, they’ll probably be looking for it. Lunch at Cilla’s at 12?”

A.n: Happy Valentines! I hope Kaz wasn’t too OOC, It’s been awhile since I’ve read any of the grishaverse books. Thanks for requesting!

[petertingle-yipyip]

STRANGER (x) - KAZ BREKKER

tags: @beekeepingageissome @shadowzena43 @nikfigueiredo @mp-littlebit @starmansirius @hadesnumber1daughter @directioner5life @strvngestark @hostilityghost @ofmenanduhhhwellmen @justnerdystuffs @faeriepigeons // previously // next

Pairing: Kaz x Davina Rollins (enemies to lovers)

Word Count: 6,837

Summary: War is brewing the Barrel. Alliances are tested, friendships threatened, and morality is pushed to its limits when the wretched Rollins Princess begins to live up to her name.

You and Kaz traded a good amount of blows. You didn’t know how long you two were fighting. 

You were lightheaded from the blood loss, fighting the pain pounding the back of your skull. Your vision was going in and out by way of huge dark spots. The cut at the back of your head had stopped bleeding, but that seemed to make little difference when the self made gash on your forearm, a wide cut on your cheekbone - originally from the Lion but widened by Kaz, your bottom lip, and now your nose were steadily spilling blood across your clothes.

Kaz wasn’t without injuries. He was holding his ribs after you had driven your knee into them several times. His jaw was blossoming with the bruise of your first punch and there was a split on his forehead where you knocked his head against his desk. You also knew his leg had to be bothering him, considering how hard you had kicked at it not long before.

You could feel your body threatening to give out. Your muscles ached, your head pounded, your lungs burned, your vision was growing fuzzy at the edges.

“What?” You panted, throwing a hand against the nearest wall to steady yourself. Kaz took advantage of your break and limped a step back. “You using this as your chance to punish me too?”

“Punish you?” He spat and he made no effort to hide his breathlessness. “What would I be punishing you for?”

“Oh, come off it.” You rolled your eyes. You regretted it, as it accentuated your dizziness. “You know exactly what I mean. My father got your brother killed so you’ll let him kill the closest thing I have to a family. Makes us about even then, doesn’t it?”

He seemed genuinely hurt by your accusation. He didn’t have the thought to hide it and if your own physical pain wasn’t weighing your muscles like lead, you might’ve regretted the words.

“I couldn’t do that to you. Anyone else but you…” He spoke lowly and the pain in his voice was hard to miss.

“But you won’t help me? I didn’t come here because I wanted the Dregs to go to war with Pekka over it. I came here, same as before I hit Dryden and after. I came for you.” You shoved off the wall and forced yourself to stand tall.

“There are some things even I can’t do without Haskell breathing down my neck, Vina.” He explained, daring a weak step closer.

“You wear my ring around your neck and yet you won’t do this for me.”

For a second, you imagined yanking the chain off his neck and reclaiming your ring. His voice cut through the thoughts almost immediately.

“You know I would help you if I could.”

“I think you can. I think you would come to me for my help if it was Jesper or Inej, Nina or even Wylan at risk. And I’d help you, because you’re you and I’m me. Because my mother’s heart lives in me and that blasted thing takes over around you. You told me that it makes me strong, that it isn’t a curse. That’s what you said, isn’t it?”

He nodded quietly, but there was a look in his eyes that you couldn’t place. Whatever you had said - the words didn’t truly process as they left your mouth - had struck some sort of chord with him.

“Well, tell that to Melli!” You shouted, pulse thrumming in your ears. “Tell that to the girl who is captive Saints know where, while Dime Lions torture her, just because she’s mine! Tell that to Kol, who is going to have to heal not only me again but her. Oh, but that’s only if we can find her!”

“Then I suggest you get on it.” He managed and you stood frozen.

“It’s so simple.” You laughed. The sound was mad and you wondered how close to delirium you were. “The Wraith probably saw what happened. She would know where they took her. I’d work the locks, unless they were too complicated, then I’d need you. Kol and Nina would take care of the Lions standing guard. Jesper would help me get her out, and then we’re all on our merry way.”

You hadn’t realized how general of a plan you had concocted on the short walk from the Palace to the Club until that moment. You knew there were a lot of things you hadn’t considered and things you didn’t even know, but plans weren’t exactly your specialty. That was also why you needed Kaz. You needed his head to fill in the gaps, but the stubborn man was refusing.

He stared at you in quiet contemplation. You wondered vaguely what he was seeing. Was he seeing you as you were, a Barrel Boss covered in her blood after fighting for her gang? Or did he see the little girl who he played silly games with, who naively believed her father could do no wrong? Did he see the scar across your cheek that he put there, the shadow of the hood across your face? Or did he see the tangled mess of hair and flushed cheeks from running around your yard together?

You wondered what you would see next time you looked in the mirror.

“Give me a reason, other than Haskell, as to why you can’t.” You dared, moving closer. You stumbled but caught yourself on the edge of the desk. From the corner of your eye, you did notice Kaz took a quick step as if he was going to help steady you.

“And if you don’t like it? Will you fight me until you collapse?” He closed the distance between you two. His hip rested against the desk and his free hand was massaging his leg. You almost felt bad about that kick right about then. “You won’t last much longer if you keep this up.”

You frowned and forced yourself upright. 

Was that a threat? Everything in your body thought so, but that look in his eyes told you otherwise. You’d seen that vulnerable look when he told you the origin of his gloves. He wasn’t threatening you. He was worried about you.

But in your pained state, the Princess of the Barrel was the side that reacted, and she did consider it a threat.

You reached up your sleeve and pulled your blade. Kaz eyed it coolly, as if he had known it was there the whole time. You spun it and offered him the handle, pressing the tip against the center of your chest. He looked at the handle for a moment then to you. You nodded to the knife expectantly but when his hand reached for it, it wasn’t to take it. He pushed your hand down instead.

“If I was easy to kill, you would’ve done it already.” You said plainly as you returned the blade to its home up your sleeve. “I’m going to do what needs to be done to get Melli back, with or without your help.”

“He’ll know you’re coming.”

“What else am I supposed to do?!” You shouted. “She was the first one to join the Snakes! I won’t abandon her to Pekka.”

“And if it kills you? What then, Davina?” He shouted back, a particular edge in his tone.

“Maybe you can take credit for it. Find a way to make Dirtyhands responsible for cutting off the head of the Snakes… Think of your reputation then.”

You turned towards the door and unsteadily made your way out. Jesper wasn’t far from the door and he stayed a few steps behind you, catching you when your feet failed. At some point during your scuffle with Kaz, Jesper had sent for Kol and he was waiting just outside the door.

You thanked Jesper and intended to ask him if he could be of any help getting Melli, but as soon as the damp Barrel air hit your skin, the heat of anger and adrenaline fueling you was sapped from your body. You basically collapsed against Kol.

The next day, you locked yourself in your office at the Rook. Kol had worked on healing you late into the night. The only visible reminder was the scar on your arm. He said a more skilled Healer could’ve done better, or a better Tailor could get rid of it completely, but you didn’t want it gone. The jagged pink line was the reminder of your failure to Melli and until you had her back, you would look at it and know what you would give.

You’d give your skin and blood, your very life if you had to, just to bring her home.

You had been compiling a list of what you knew to be Pekka’s properties. You also marked anything you knew to be unoccupied surrounding his buildings. By the time your little map was marked, you had no idea where to start looking. All you could really say was that she wouldn’t be in the Emerald Palace.

The next day, you spent in the Barrel. Your hood was drawn for most of the day and you were walking a specific path around Pekka’s properties. You kept your eyes open and found a few potential hiding places. A pub that was only open on weekends with an unnamed owner, a hostel with a full wall of keys behind the front desk, a toy shop with a suspicious amount of plush snakes in the window, and an abandoned cafe.

You noted the addresses and went back to the Rook. You started at the Emerald Palace and plotted courses to each location, marking all potential routes.

No matter how you looked at it, the cafe was the closest spot.

We’re coming for you, Melli.

A knock at the door pulled you from your planning. You didn’t look up from the map you were standing over laid out on your desk.

“What?” You called, staring at the circled building.

When you went by the cafe, something about it was familiar. It felt like you had been there before, but the place was abandoned. It seemed like it had been empty for a long time. So why did you know it?

“There’s a-“ Your snake hiccuped. You looked up, kept bothering to hide your annoyance, and stared at a glassy eyed Nik. “Some kid, asking for you.”

“A kid?” Your brows raised. “What kid?”

“I dunno.” He shrugged. “Kinda mousy hair, young, doesn’t look like he belongs here.” He snorted. “Said his name was uh… Wyatt. Or Dylan.” Another hiccup.

“Wylan?”

“Sure.”

“Saints, Nik, are you drunk already?”

“Pffffft.” He waved you off and you dropped into your seat, rubbing your eyes.

“Walk him in. Put Adrin on the door and then go sleep this off.”

He muttered something about you being a bitch and wanting Melli back, but went off to do as he was told. You weren’t disagreeing with him. You wanted Melli back, too.

A few minutes later, in walked exactly who you thought it was. Wylan Van Eck.

“For someone who I’m barely meeting now, your name has come up an awful lot.” You looked over at him. He jumped when the door shut and you almost laughed. Nik wasn’t wrong when he said Wylan didn’t seem like he belonged in the Rook, let alone the Barrel. “Why are you here, Wylan?”

“You know who I am?” He paled.

“More than you think.” You smiled. “I know you’re with the Dregs, but not quite a Dreg. You and Jesper have grown rather close, he smiles a lot when he talks about you. “ Wylan’s cheeks flushed a bright red.

You didn’t mention it. “You’re brilliant when it comes to chemicals and demo.”

“I play the flute, too.” He added shyly.

“Would you believe I draw?”

“You did the pencil sketch in Brekker’s desk drawer.”

You shrugged, not wanting to dwell on whether it was one of the first two you gave him with your ring or the sketch from your delirium. You still wanted to knock out a tooth or two of his, and maybe you would when you finally took your ring back. “There’s certain setbacks I haven’t quite pinned down, but I do know what it’s like to have a wretched father.”

He went white as a ghost and you laughed slightly.

“Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.” You winked.

“I am Wylan Hendriks.” He said firmly, though his hands were shaking.

“Of course, my mistake.” You nodded slightly. “Tell me why you’re here, Wylan Hendriks.”

Your eyes went back to the map and that damned cafe.

“I was sent here.” He began.

“By who?”

“He said you would know.”

You glanced up and saw he had inched closer to peek at the map. You motioned him closer.

“Assuming we’re on the same page, why did he send you?” You asked.

You knew it was Kaz. Wylan had no reason to answer to anyone else, though you weren’t really sure he had reason to answer to Kaz to begin with. A friendship there was unlikely considering how gruff Kaz was and how kind Wylan seemed. Regardless, he had Dreg ties. Through Jesper if not Kaz, but the likelihood of Jesper sending him to your aid was unlikely.

Kaz probably even told Jesper to stay away from your fight.

“He said you needed help but wouldn’t tell me what I was supposed to do… What’s at that place?” He tapped the circled cafe.

“My lieutenant, hopefully… Pekka Rollins took her.”

He made a small noise of acknowledgment and leaned closer to the map.

“Tell me, Wylan. How do you think you can help me?” You asked honestly. “Why did Dirtyhands send you?”

“I didn’t think you’d call him that.” He looked back at you. “He made it sound… Nevermind.” He shook the thought away. “What do you need me to do, Davina?”

“I don’t know yet…” You sighed. “I need to-“

A knock at the door drew your attention again. You groaned and cursed to yourself before you made your way to the door. You swung it open and came face to face with Kol and someone with a sack over their head.

“If this is some sort of Ravkan courting gesture, I respectfully suggest you save it for Mel.” You raised a brow. You kept the door close to your body, which was pressed against the doorframe, to keep Wylan out of sight. “Who is it?”

“A Dime Lion.” Kol explained and you went rigged. “I found him lurking outside and heard him asking about you.”

You stepped aside and gestured him in. Kol dragged the man with him and shoved him into an open chair. You came in quick with the rope for his ankles and wrists. Wylan stayed pointedly out of the way while you and Kol secured the Lion, who surprisingly didn’t fight back.

“Who’s this?” Kol pointed to Wylan.

“Wylan Hendriks.” Wylan offered a small wave and you smiled to yourself.

Kol looked at you with raised brows.

“Borrowed demo expert.” You abbreviated the story. “I’ll explain later. Also, I might have an idea where to start looking.”

“Davina Rollins.” The man under the bag spoke and you tensed, reaching for the blade at your thigh. “I’m glad I’m in the right place.”

You nodded to Kol to pull the bag. When he did, you pressed the tip of your blade under the man’s jaw. He blinked at the sudden brightness and you stared at the vaguely familiar features.

“I’ve seen you before.” You admitted. You drug the tip of your blade down to the hollow of his throat. “Where?”

“We knew each other a bit as kids. My dad was Pekka’s right hand man for a while.” He glanced down at your blade then smiled to himself before looking back at you. “I didn’t think this would be the greeting I’d get.”

You put a hand on shoulder and realigned the blade over his heart.

“What about now, hmm? This feels more right to me.” You looked to Kol. “What do you think?”

He lifted his hand and you heard the man under your blade groan. “Seems right to me.”

You glanced at Wylan but he was leaning against your desk, biting at his fingernails.

“Your father served Pekka, meaning you’re a Lion by birth.” You continued, scanning his features for something familiar. As you stared into his eyes, it hit you. “You’re Filip’s son.” You realized.

“Vicente.” He beamed and you pushed off him, allowing your blade to nick the side of his neck and he hissed at the sharp slice. “On second thought, maybe this does make sense.”

“It does, considering I never liked you.” You bit out.

Both Kol and Wylan looked at you expectantly.

“His dad was Pekka’s most dependable Lion. He got in as a legacy and our fathers had plans to keep the Lions on top.” You explained quickly. “We were friends till I found out about something his father had a hand in that killed a friend of mine. I think I broke his nose when I found out.”

“Twice, actually.” Vicente corrected. “And I broke your arm.”

Wylan looked between you and Vicente a few times before settling his gaze on you.

“He looks like he uses a fork for his soup.” Wylan wrinkled his nose and you laughed at the creative insult.

“Just when I thought Pekka had reached his lowest…” Kol shook his head.

“Trust me, that rabbit hole goes very deep.” You made a face before spinning back to Vicente. “What I’m wondering is why he’s showing up now. His father died years ago.”

“Because I know where your friend is.” He smiled and you gripped your blade handle tighter.

“Tell me.” You said firmly.

“I know how many guards. I know what they plan to do to her. I know-“

You moved quickly. You threw a sharp punch to his jaw and his head snapped to the side. When he faced you again, you pressed the edge of the blade against the side of his mouth.

“If you won’t talk, I can start by cutting out your tongue, Vicente.” You warned, channeling every rumor of the Rollins Princess you could. “Then I’ll cut your lips off. Then your ears. And just before you can choke on your own blood, I’ll pluck out those darling eyes of yours and shove them so deep down your throat you’ll be able to see what you are for breakfast… Understand?” You smiled innocently.

“How can we trust him?” Wylan asked.

You turned to face him and he shrugged slightly. He was right.

“We can’t.” Kol said sharply. “None of the Dime Lions can be trusted.”

You turned to Vicente and he shifted under your gaze.

“My tattoo is on my forearm.” He nodded towards his left arm. “Cut it. Isn’t that what you like to do anyway, decapitate the tattoos?”

“And what would that mean to me?” You shrugged. “Those men still serve Pekka so it’s not really getting my point across, is it?”

“Then cut it off. Carve it out. Your Heartrender can keep me alive.”

“Davina.” Kol called and your eyes lingered on Vicente before turning towards Kol. “Can we talk for a moment?”

You nodded and Kol’s hand moved smoothly. You didn’t need to look to know he had sent Vicente unconscious. You crossed the room to stand closer to the boys. You slid your knife away before leaning on your desk beside Wylan.

“This has to be a trap.” Kol began.

“Yeah…” You nodded. “But if he can tell me where Melli is, I’ll gladly walk into it.”

“What if he can’t?”

“They don’t know where I’ve been looking.” You stood and spun around to see your map. You gently pushed Wylan out of the way and turned your map so it was right side up. You pointed at the cafe and stared at Kol.

“This is where I think we start. It’s closest, it’s empty, and something about it feels familiar.” You explained. “What if he tells me I’m right?”

“What if he doesn’t?” Kol asked sadly. “What if he doesn’t know anything and you end up dead?”

“What else am I supposed to do?” You laughed sadly. “I tried going to Dirtyhands for help, so I would have a better plan, and he told me no. I’ll do this on my own, Kol, but that leaves the Snakes with you.”

“He told you no?” Wylan chimed in.

“Why is he talking?” Kol pointed to Wylan.

“I told you, he’s a borrowed demo expert. Wherever I find Melli, that building comes down on top of whatever Lions are left in there.” You explained.

“Borrowed from who?” Kol urged.

“If it’s here-“ Wylan ignored Kol and turned back on the map, tapping the red circled building. “I can take it down without impacting the other buildings too much.”

“What about burning it?” You asked.

“Yeah, there’s a few accelerants I throw together in a day or two.”

“What about…” A wicked idea came to you. “I went to the Crow Club once and was given this hallucinogen. It

knocked me out within a few minutes. Could you manage to make it something like a gas?”

“Sure.” He shrugged.  “I’d need a good amount of the hallucinogen, and it’d take a few days.”

“Davina, slow down.” Kol urged.

You looked up and saw Kol put a hand on Wylan’s chest and pushed him back. You grabbed Wylan’s arm and tugged him to stand behind you. Kol made a face but said nothing and neither did Wylan.

“We don’t know if Vicente is telling the truth.” Kol spoke calmly. “Everything he's saying could just be planted by Pekka to get in your head.”

You knew Kol was right. He was level headed and objective, same way he always was. But the prospect of having a lead was so close, it was hard to resist.

Kol didn’t live with the guilt you did. He didn’t have Jordie’s death on his shoulders. He didn’t have Melli’s kidnapping on his shoulders. He didn’t have Kaz’s trauma on his shoulders.

But you did.

That guilt pounded inside your ribs day in and day out. It clawed at your heart and twisted your stomach into unfathomably complicated knots. It lived in your dreams, sometimes lying to you and showing you another life where everyone was happy, other times it led you to sitting up in a cold sweat as it beat on you.

You couldn’t win against it. You’d never beat it. There was no way you could see where Kaz would forgive you. But you could save Melli. You could beat that guilt.

“You have a choice, Kol.” You looked your friend in the eye. “You can stand with me, trust me to do what’s best, and help me bring Melli home. Or…” You took a step closer. “You don’t. You can stay here and do nothing.”

“Davina...” He didn’t bother hiding the hurt in his eyes. You knew there was venom in your words that you didn’t need, but you wouldn’t take it back. “I care about Melli just as much as you do.”

“Make your choice then.”

He looked over your shoulder at Wylan. You didn’t change your gaze, but you did rest your hand on the hilt of your blade. You thought about Vicente’s offer while the other two men exchanged looks. Whether or not Vicente told you anything worthwhile, you knew Pekka would see the way you would mutilate one of his Legacies by carving the tattoo out of forearm.

“I’m with you.” Kol said firmly. “But how do we know that he actually intends to help and not double cross us?”

“You keep him until you check out his information.” Wylan offered and you turned to face him. “It’s what he would do.” He offered you a pointed look. “But he’s also likely to drop him off a roof after he ran out of usefulness so…” He shrugged.

“I’ll start with the tattoo.” You drew your blade again. “You don’t have to watch this, Wylan.”

“Maybe he should.” Kol said. “That way we’ll know that he’s on our side and he’ll know what you’re capable of.”

Wylan gave Kol a sarcastic expression. You laughed to yourself and gestured for Kol to bring Vicente back. You knelt in front of him and slid your blade under sleeve to cut it apart. You saw the tattoo, the same as all the other Dime Lions, except he had extra embellishments on the crown to show he was a Legacy Lion. Your upper lip curled in disgust when you thought that it was the same tattoo you were meant to have instead of the snake winding across your collarbone.

“Why did you come here?” You asked him. Vicente was quietly looking at you.

“You said it earlier. My dad helped the con that ended with one of your friends dying. I didn’t know their names…” Vicente explained and the tip of your knife waited against his skin. “We were friends, Davina. If I had known what was going on, maybe I could’ve done something for your friends, but I can do this for you.”

You looked over towards Kol and you could see him considering Vicente’s words. He wasn’t convinced the runaway Lion was telling the truth but he was less adamant about the threat of a double cross.

“Losing this tattoo is abandoning the Lions.” You reminded him.

“I know.” Vicente nodded.

“Then you also know Pekka will come after you.”

“I’m planning to leave Ketterdam anyway.” He shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to see Fjerda.”

“It’s frozen and the people are even colder.” Kol spat. “If you wanted out of the Lions, why not come to Davina sooner?”

“I wasn’t convinced it was her. I saw her at the Emerald Palace the night of the show, when she took the stage. She seemed so powerful… Then I was sent to follow her after she left the Crow Club with her friend that night. I was told to-“ He shut his mouth quickly.

“Told to what?” Wylan asked, but all three of you knew what he was going to say.

You dug your knife tip in, starting at the crown. Vicente muffled his groans and Kol came to your side. Wylan started pacing behind the Lion.

“You took her, didn’t you?” You asked. There was an eerie calm in your voice and your eyes stayed on the task at hand. Your free hand gripped Vicente’s wrist while you slowly drug the knife along the tattoo. “You were in a Komedie Brute outfit and you dragged Melli away. Didn’t you, Vicente?”

He groaned again and threw his head back. Kol worked subtly beside you to heal some of the wound under the flap of skin you were removing. You looked up and saw Vicente started to pale. Wylan was chewing his thumbnail as he paced.

“Say it.” You hissed. “Tell me what you did.”

“I grabbed her.” He panted. “It was me. I- I’m sorry. I did it.”

Your free hand slid up and your fingers dug into the open wound. He cried out loudly and fresh blood bubbled out, spewing over your hand.

“Where is she?”

Vicente laughed slightly and you twisted the knife. The movement created a jagged line veering away from the tattoo.

“There’s a little building, not far from the Palace.” He said between heavy breaths. Kol had been healing beneath your blade the whole time so you returned your bloody fingers to his wrist so Kol could close the wound. “It’s abandoned. You’ll know it. It used to be a little cafe. Me, you, and your little friends used to go there and the owner…”

Vicente’s voice was drowned out by your thoughts. You remembered the cafe now. You remembered the owner used to talk stock and trade with Jordie. You and Kaz used to sit on the counter, sipping your drinks and kicking your feet. You drew him and his brother for the first time in that cafe.

You jumped when a hand landed on your shoulder. Looking up, you saw Wylan offering a concerned expression. You simply nodded and went back to flaying Vicente’s arm.

“How many Lions stand guard?” You asked.

“At least six. One stays in the front near the door. One stays in the alley near the back door. Two stay with the girl. Two float around the property.” Vicente rushed to explain as the next wave of pain came.

You peeled the flesh off and dropped it to the floor with a slick thud. You withdrew your blade for a moment to examine your handiwork. The crown was gone, a rough pinky scar left in its place.

You gave Kol a moment to collect his strength before working on the stupid cat.

“How often do they change out?” You asked.

“It’s supposed to be every night at ten bells.” Vicente answered easily. “I can get you in, Davi.”

You slammed the end of your blade against the back of his hand, hearing a snap of at least two of his bones.

“Call me that again and I’ll carve out your heart.” You threatened.

You noticed Wylan took a small step back.

You roughly jammed the blade back into his arm and began removing the inked cat.

“What has he done to her?” Your eyes stayed on the motion of your hands.

“I don’t know. I haven’t been there.” He shook his head quickly. “But I do know… He’s waiting for you to show.”

Your hand froze. Your eyes didn’t raise from the steady blood flow coming from Vicente’s arm.

“For what?” Your voice was a quiet rasp.

You knew. You didn’t need to ask. You didn’t want to hear it, but you needed to.

“To kill her.” Vicente almost sounded apologetic.

You yanked your blade through the rest of the skin and the flap fell to the ground. Your blade clattered beside it. You shoved yourself up and let Kol take your place. Vicente started talking again but you didn’t want to hear it. You slammed your fist against his temple once, twice, three, four times but he was unconscious before the third. You would’ve hit him more but Wylan pulled you back.

“Get what you need.” You told him. “Put everything from that desk-“ You nodded towards Melli’s desk.”- in the drawers and you can work in here. Get me a list of what you need for an accelerant. I’m burning that damned cafe to the ground when this is done.”

Wylan nodded feverently.

You went over to your chair and yanked your cloak off the back. You threw it over your shoulders before digging through your desk drawer for the knife that hid in the sheath. Once it was in place, you grabbed a shoulder bag off the floor. You threw the scraps of Vicente’s tattoo inside before dropping it over your shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Kol asked, still healing your hacking of the ex-Lion’s arm.

You grabbed the blade and replaced it at your thigh.

“I’m going to leave my father a message.” You adjusted the bag. “But I also need to get the poison for Wylan.”

“That means going to the Crow Club.”

“Yes.”

“Should you go to Brekker in this state?”

“I’m not going to Brekker.” You said flatly.

No, you didn’t expect to go to Kaz anytime soon.

“Haskell poisoned me. It’ll be in his things.” You said.

“You’re going for Per Haskell?” Wylan didn’t bother keeping the surprise out of his voice. “Jeez, Davina, are you sure?”

“Wylan, dear, do you question him like this?” You challenged lightly.

“Yes.” He nodded. “When he plans something stupid, yes, I do.”

“Then save your questions for him. Question me again and I’ll knock you on your ass.”

“He’s trying to look out for you.” Kol cut in. His work with Vicente was finished so he stood to face you. “Saints know you’re not listening to me.”

“I’m sorry. Did you want to get that tainted kvas? Did you want to throw this slab of skin at Pekka’s feet? Did you want to confirm what Vicente just told us?”

Kol only sighed.

“Exactly.” You nodded. “Keep this place running. Get Wylan what you can. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“No mourners…” Wylan mumbled.

“What?” You sighed, exasperated with the back and forth.

His eyes were wide with surprise that you had heard. “The Dregs say it. No mourners, and then the other person says no funerals. It’s a good luck thing, I guess.” He explained.

“Melli and I would tell each other to blink last and die tomorrow.”

“Same thing, I guess.” Wylan smiled nervously.

You nodded and flipped up your hood before heading out.

No one stopped you on your way out the Rook. Once outside, you fell into the shadows of the alleys. You moved with the flow of the crowds when you couldn’t avoid it and you finally stood across the way from the Emerald Palace. You scribbled a note on the paper you found in the main pocket and held it tightly in your fist.

KEEP YOUR MEN ON A LEASH OR I WONT BE SO NICE. NEXT TIME ILL BRING THEIR HEAD -D 

You read over the note and paused. What the hell were you supposed to do with Vicente now? You could see him off to Fjerda, just to make sure he didn’t double cross you. You could also just kill him, but something about killing a man just in case he was going to betray you didn’t sit right. Maybe you’d just hand him to Dirtyhands with a note saying ‘Filip’s son, enjoy!’ and be done with it.

You shrugged it off, deciding to figure it out later.

You glanced up and found the window of Pekka’s office. You could vaguely see a body moving back and forth, and you had to swallow the urge to cut every Lion’s throat until you got to him.

You pulled your hood down and went into the building across the way. It was a small, beaten down yet oddly popular inn. It had enough floors to get you even with your father’s office to either throw it through the window or even with the roof to get you space to jump. Enough of the buildings in the Barrel were crooked and practically leaning on each other that even without the Wraith’s grace, you’d manage the trip.

“Oy!” The man at the desk called. “Wha’ do you think you’re doin’?”

You forced a smile and your best Kaelish accent. “So sorry. I’ve got a cousin, said she’s stayin’ here on one of the upper floors. See, I’m visiting from the Isle and I’ve got some treats here for her.”

“Somethin’ seems to be leaking.”

You feigned confusion and glanced down. The blood was beginning to seep through. “Oh no! Must be the berry tarts I brought. Don’t worry, mister. I won’t let it stain your floors.”

He grumbled something but waved you off. You didn’t stick around and made your way up the stairs. When you got to the floor that was the same as Pekka’s office, you walked the length of the hall in either direction. There was no window. You frowned and continued up the stairs.

You replaced your hood and slid the note back to your pocket. You climbed to the next roof and slid down the angled roof until hitting the next. You had to climb a ladder for the next building then found a building slanted enough that you could get across the way. You frowned again and heaved a heavy sigh.

“Of all the times to envy the Wraith…” You murmured and glanced down.

It wasn’t necessarily a long fall, but it wouldn’t be a soft landing. The ground of the Barrel was rough stone, worn by foot traffic and jagged from the various bullets and blades it took on a nightly basis. You asked the Saints to help your jump, and prayed you had built your body up enough to survive the fall.

You sucked a deep breath and made the jump. You rolled across the roof in a clumsy landing, but once you stopped on your back, you laughed in relief. You were just glad to have made it.

You made your way back to the roof of the Emerald Palace. Carefully, you dropped to the balcony outside your father’s office. You peeked inside and saw he had left. You took the chance and pushed on the window. When it didn’t budge, you fumbled for your picks. They weren’t up your sleeve or in any pockets.

You muttered a quiet curse before drawing the smaller blade from under your cloak. You wedged it between the two panes and pressed on it until you heard the crack of the lock snapping off. You winced at the sound and froze, waiting until someone showed up. After a few moments of nothing, you kept moving.

You pushed the window open and tossed the sack onto his desk. You reached into the pocket and flung the folded note, watching it spin in the air and land a few inches to the side of the bag. Then you hung off the edge of the balcony for a second before dropping into the alley.

Next was your inspection of the cafe. The memories made you sick as you approached it. You saw a figure hunched in the alley and you thought briefly if you had noticed him your last time by. If you did, you probably brushed it off as a homeless man. Then you saw a figure pass by the window near the front counter. You also saw the old signage with fake stock prices still written on it.

The hatred burned in the pit of your stomach and you could taste bile in your mouth.

You forced yourself to stay a few moments longer, hoping to catch a glimpse of Melli. Hoping for some sign she was still alive. When one of the Lion’s almost caught you staring, you left.

Enough of Vicente’s information checked out so you assumed the rest would too. At least six Lions prowled the abandoned building, six Lions held your near-sister hostage.

Six Lions would die and six more tattoos would find your father’s desk.

Wretched little girl.

You’d show them just how wretched you could be.

Your last stop was the Crow Club. A different Dreg was on the door so you simply smiled and headed in. It was a lighter crowd during the day but still busy enough that you didn’t quite stick out. You scanned the floor and didn’t see Kaz, Jesper, or Haskell.

You made your way around, listening to chatter and hearing one of the Dregs mention that Haskell was out of the building for some card game. They nodded towards a side door as he talked and you smothered the smile.

They didn’t even realize how easy they were making it for you.

You made your way to the office and gently shook the handle. You rolled your eyes to yourself when you found it locked. You drew your small knife against and slid it between the door and the frame. It clicked open and you slipped inside unseen.

Haskell’s office was a mess.

You frowned at the unorganized stacks of papers and tipped glasses. You carefully stepped around the mess and found the shelf of liquor in the back. You passed over the ones you didn’t recognize and found two bottles of potentially kvas.

You lifted the first and used your blade to pop the top. You sniffed the contents and it seemed normal. You did the same to the second and a chill went down your spine at the familiarly sweet smell. Goosebumps erupted across both arms and you knew you found it. You snapped the top back on and slipped the blade into its sheath.

You wished you had a second bag but decided keeping both arms under your cloak was your best option. You hurried back to the door and cracked it open. No one seemed to notice so you slipped out and shut it quietly behind yourself.

You cradled the bottle in your arms and were heading out. You cradled the bottle in your arms and were heading out. You didn’t get very far when that familiar cane blocked your path. You reframed from rolling your eyes as you traced the stupid stick back to its owner.

Kaz frowned at you and nodded towards his office. You glanced at the door but Kaz grabbed your arm and dragged you with him. You yanked your arm free, nearly dropping your prize in the process, and stared daggers at his back while you followed.

“Saints help me.” You mumbled to yourself as you went up the short set of steps.

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (Part 4) - Kaz Brekker x reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 5.1k notes: please let me know what you think <3

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram

tw: past abusive relationship, also, things are going to be more explicit from here

Kaz and y/n were on her bed. She was wearing little to no clothes, and they were slowly working on getting him to some level of undressing. Inej would be back in a week, and his nerves were preventing him from being more at ease. y/n was seated on his lap, her legs on his sides, and was slowly unbuttoning his shirt, talking to him, kissing him, keeping him distracted from her fingers. Kaz, on the other hand, was fighting with half of his brain not to throw up and the other half not to react too evidently to their position. y/n was so close that he was sure she would be able to feel any changes. He knew she wouldn’t mind, but he would want to erase himself from the earth.

“Kaz, breathe,” she reminded him. His shirt was open, and she was taking in the sight of his upper body.

“Stop biting your lip,” he said playfully.

“Sorry, you’re a good view,” she replied, smiling.

She waited for him to steady himself a bit and was about to touch his chest when they heard someone screaming outside.

“y/n, where the fuck are you?”

The girl paled. “No, no, no. Who the fuck let him in?” she said, panicking. She quickly got up and put on a robe.

Someone kept shouting angrily for her. “y/n, what is going on?” asked Kaz, worried. He had never seen her embarrassed about anything, and there she was, trembling with wide eyes.

“My ex-boyfriend,” she whispered. “I have to try and get him out,” she said before leaving the room.

Kaz listened to the loud noise. They were both screaming. A brutal bang followed by her crying in pain made him jump out of the bed and storm out of the room, just to witness the guy slamming her into the wall. Kaz grabbed him by the shoulders and forcefully got him out of the apartment, while the other guy kept shouting.

“Who are you? Another one of her clients or one of her boyfriends? That whore is going to ruin you too,” he spat before Kaz threw him down the stairs.

He found her crying on the floor, her temple bloodied, and she was holding her right side. It was the first glimpse of her real life that he saw. Kaz let her compose herself a bit, then helped her up, hissing in pain.

“Can you take me to the police?” she asked with puffy eyes. He nodded, and they gathered their things and got in the car.

The silence was heavy. “Do you want to talk about it?” Kaz needed desperately to know more.

“He was my client. I fell for him. Of course, things didn’t work out because he couldn’t bear the idea of me keeping my job while staying with him.” She talked in brief points, like she had told the story a million times. “Then he started beating the shit out of me regularly so I couldn’t work. It took me months to get out of it. Sometimes he still gets drunk and—” her voice trailed off. Kaz’s hand was already on her thigh, and he squeezed it reassuringly.

They spent some time at the police station, where they blamed her for her bad choices in men. Kaz felt his stomach sink at her defeated face.

“I can call an Uber, there’s no need for you to take me back home,” she whispered once outside. All of his cells screamed that it was the right thing to let her go.

“I’m not letting you go back to that place tonight. You’re staying with me,” he stated firmly.

y/n froze. “Kaz, you already did enough, there’s no need to—”

“y/n, I’m serious. Don’t worry.”

“I… I don’t want to make this weird.”

“It’s not. Come on,” he insisted, opening the car door for her. She hesitantly got inside.

“Can we get McDonald’s?” she asked in a small voice.

He chuckled. “Weren’t you a vegan?”

“Oh, shut up,” she said, letting a nervous laugh escape her lips.

On the drive to his place, they made a detour to the nearest McDonald’s drive-thru.

“What do you want?” he asked her.

“Uhm, a Happy Meal, with chicken nuggets.”

“A Happy Meal? That’s all you’re going to eat?” Kaz raised an eyebrow, skeptical.

“Yes,” she replied with a small smile.

Kaz shook his head, bemused, then ordered two of his usual Big Mac meals and one Happy Meal. As they drove, the car filled with the scent of fast food, providing a strange sense of comfort amidst the chaos of the evening.

When they arrived at his apartment, Kaz opened the door and ushered her inside. “I like your house,” she said, looking around appreciatively at the minimalist, yet cozy decor.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he said, gesturing to the couch while he changed into something more comfortable. When he returned, she was seated, her Happy Meal open on the coffee table, the TV already set to Netflix.

They ate in silence, the soft glow of the television casting a warm light over the room. Kaz watched her as she nibbled on her nuggets, her appetite seeming even smaller in his spacious living room.

After just two nuggets, she declared, “I’m full.”

“Are you sure?” he insisted, concerned she wasn’t eating enough. She nodded, avoiding his gaze and playing with the toy she found in the happy meal. 

“I have something for bruises that works really well. I’ll get it for you,” Kaz said, leaving her momentarily to retrieve a small jar of cream from the bathroom. Returning, he found her waiting patiently, her eyes shadowed with exhaustion and pain.

She tilted her head to let him apply the cream to the bruise on her temple, then lifted her shirt slightly to expose the large, darkening bruise forming on her side. Kaz’s hands trembled slightly as he tried to avoid touching her breast, focusing solely on the task at hand. The proximity was intoxicating and terrifying all at once.

“All done,” he said, pulling away and snapping the lid back onto the jar.

“Thanks, Kaz,” she murmured. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No way, I’ll take the couch,” he countered immediately.

“I am not going to let you leave me your bed. Come on,” she insisted.

“I wasn’t asking,” he said firmly.

y/n sighed, looking at him for a long moment. “We can sleep in the same bed. We already did it,” she said softly.

Kaz held his breath, memories flooding back. Yes, they had slept together, but under very different circumstances—circumstances that involved a transaction. 

“I mean, if you’re comfortable with it,” she added quickly, sensing his hesitation.

“I thought you didn’t work outside your house,” he said, cursing himself for what he was implying.

y/n smiled, a small, genuine smile that reached her eyes. “I’m not working tonight.”

Kaz's heart pounded in his chest. “Okay, then. Let’s get some sleep,” he said, trying to sound casual.

They made their way to his bedroom. The room was simple, yet elegant, with dark wood furniture and crisp white linens. Kaz rummaged through his wardrobe to find something for her to sleep in, carefully avoiding the section where Inej's clothes hung—a stark reminder of the boundaries he was perilously close to crossing. He handed y/n a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, averting his gaze as she changed in front of him. The intimacy of the moment made his heart race, but he forced himself to look away, focusing instead on the patterns in the wood grain of the floor.

Kaz slid into bed, feeling the cool sheets against his skin, while y/n brushed her teeth in the bathroom. The mundane sounds of running water and the rustle of clothes brought a strange sense of normalcy to the otherwise charged atmosphere. When she finally joined him, she maintained a respectful distance, both of them lying on their sides facing each other.

"Thanks, Kaz," she said, her voice soft and earnest. "No one ever stepped in for me like this." Her eyes locked onto his, seeming to pierce right through him, searching for something deeper. She rested a hand on the space between them, a silent invitation, leaving the choice to him.

Kaz hesitated for a moment, his mind a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. He felt the weight of her gaze, the sincerity in her voice, and the vulnerability in her posture. Slowly, he reached out and covered her hand with his. The cold of her skin against his sent a jolt through him, but it also brought an unexpected sense of comfort.

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do or say. The lines between them had always been clear, but now they were blurred, muddied by the raw emotions of the night. y/n shifted closer, her cold feet brushing against his legs, sending a shiver up his spine. He could see the uncertainty in her eyes, a stark contrast to the confident persona she usually displayed.

"Great kiss moment," she whispered with a faint smile, breaking the tension. Kaz couldn’t help but chuckle softly at her words. She turned onto her other side, putting some distance between them once more.

As he lay there, Kaz’s mind raced. He thought about Inej, about the promises he had made to himself and to her. He thought about y/n, her vulnerability, and the strange connection that had formed between them. He knew he was treading dangerous waters, but there was something about her that drew him in, something he couldn’t quite understand.

The room was silent, save for the soft sounds of their breathing. Kaz stared at the ceiling, his mind a tangled web of thoughts and emotions. He wondered what it would be like to let go, to allow himself to feel something more. But then, the image of Inej’s face would flash before his eyes, anchoring him back to reality.

Kaz knew he couldn’t stay in this limbo forever. He needed to make a choice, to decide where his loyalties lay and what he truly wanted. But for now, as he lay next to y/n, he allowed himself to simply be. The warmth of her hand in his, the sound of her breathing, the quiet moments of connection—they were enough to bring him a sense of peace, however fleeting it might be.

In the silence of the night, Kaz closed his eyes, holding onto that sliver of peace. Tomorrow would bring new challenges, new decisions to make. But for now, in the quiet darkness, he allowed himself to rest.

Kaz was caught in a dreamlike haze, the remnants of a fleeting and indistinct dream still lingering in his mind. He couldn't quite grasp the details, only the sensation of floating, a distant voice calling out to him. In the dream, he felt warmth beside him, and instinctively pulled someone closer, murmuring softly, "Nej." But instead of Inej, his nose was filled with the unexpected scent of cherries, and a voice cut through the haze, bringing him abruptly back to reality.

"I'm not Inej, Kaz," y/n's voice sounded, her sleepy eyes unexpectedly close to his own as he abruptly opened his eyes. 

"Good morning," she greeted with a tight smile, but Kaz was still struggling to process the situation. "You can let me go now, love," she nudged gently. "I mean, I can feel you're happy to see me but—" Kaz quickly pulled his arm away from her waist, putting some distance between them.

"I can make breakfast, if you want," she offered, stretching her arms. Kaz tried to inject some lightness into his voice, asking in his sleepy rasp, "Can you cook?" His attempt at humor came out harsher than intended.

"Of course I can cook. I've been living alone since forever," she commented as she got up from the bed. That was perhaps the third thing Kaz had learned about her.

"I'm coming. I just... need a minute," Kaz muttered, feeling embarrassed, but y/n chuckled softly in response.

As they ate breakfast, Kaz gradually realized that she had cooked just for him, while she herself ate a piece of bread and sipped coffee. "Fuck, you're vegan, sorry I forgot—" he began, only to be interrupted by y/n shaking her head.

"It's fine. I never have breakfast," she reassured him, marking the fourth thing he learned about her. “And do you mean that you forgot? Were you planning on inviting me over?” she added playfully. “It came out wrong,” he chuckled. 

"Can I take a shower? I have some things to do around here, and it would be great not having to go back home," she asked after finishing her coffee, and Kaz nodded agreeably, still focused on his meal.

Kaz checked his phone absently, sending a good morning text to Inej and reviewing his Google calendar for the day. Just as he was settling into the day's routine, a loud knock on the door shattered the tranquility.

"Kaz, it's Jesper. I know you're in here," Jesper's voice called out from beyond the door.

Kaz cursed under his breath, realizing in an instant that he was not alone. Two cups and two plates on the table, her purse left on the couch—all clear evidence that he couldn't hide.

"There you are," Jesper greeted upon entering with his spare key, spotting Kaz frozen at the kitchen table. "Kaz, are you alright?" he asked, concern etching his features.

Kaz struggled to find the right words, knowing Jesper was seconds away from discovering he wasn't alone. "Did you have breakfast twice or are you behind on washing dishes?" Jesper inquired casually, though his eyes wandered and inevitably landed on y/n's bag.

"Look, Jes, it's not a good moment. Can you come back later?" Kaz attempted to deflect, hoping to buy some time.

"What do you mean, not a good moment?" Jesper persisted, his eyes scanning the room and fixing on y/n's belongings. "Kaz, are you alone?" he raised his brows pointedly.

"Of course I'm alone," Kaz replied quickly, but before he could say more, y/n's voice echoed from the bathroom.

"Kaz! I can't find your blow dryer," she called out, appearing in the doorway with damp hair. Jesper's mouth fell open at the sight.

Kaz looked heavenward, silently grateful that she was wearing clothes. She had pulled on her leggings and the shirt Kaz had lent her to sleep in, but it was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. Drops of water from her hair were staining the white shirt further, adding to the awkwardness of the moment.

"Kaz? Why is this girl here and why is she wearing your clothes?" Jesper's voice cut through the silence.

"I'm not wearing his clothes," y/n interjected quickly, but Jesper pointed to the writing on her shirt.

"That shirt says 'from Jesper.' I gave it to him," Jesper pointed out.

"My grandma's name is Jesper," y/n quipped with a hint of amusement, unable to hide a smirk. Kaz couldn't help but snort loudly at her attempt to divert the attention away from the awkward situation, and Jesper redirected his focus back to Kaz.

"I can't believe you. You're actually cheating on Inej," Jesper accused sharply.

"I'm not cheating," Kaz retorted, feeling defensive.

"Then what are you doing? Come on, Kaz, how much evidence can you try to negate?" Jesper pressed on, his frustration palpable.

Kaz and y/n exchanged a quick glance, and Kaz noticed a pang of guilt in her eyes. He wanted to tell her that his web of lies wasn't her fault. He weighed his options, contemplating whether to come clean and explain their arrangement, hoping Jesper would understand. Or he could let Jesper think he was cheating on Inej, knowing Jesper would likely go and tell her himself.

"Look, Jesper, it's not what you think," Kaz began, trying to choose his words carefully.

"Then what the fuck is this?" Jesper demanded.

"She's helping me with—" Kaz started to explain, but y/n cut in bluntly.

"I'm a sex worker," she blurted out, her voice steady but tinged with vulnerability.

Jesper's jaw dropped, stunned into silence. "You're even paying to cheat on her? Saints, Kaz, with her history? A... a whore?" Jesper's words came out in disbelief and anger.

"Don't call her that," Kaz snapped, rising from his seat defensively. "Oh, sorry, how should I call her?" Jesper mocked back, his tone laced with disdain.

"It's just a temporary arrangement, Jesper. It's not... I'm doing it for Inej," Kaz tried to explain, feeling the weight of Jesper's judgment bearing down on him.

"Yeah, right. Do you even listen to yourself?" Jesper retorted sharply, his frustration evident.

"I should leave," y/n murmured quietly, hurt evident in her eyes.

"Yes, you fucking should," Jesper responded harshly.

Kaz and y/n made their way to the door together, their exit punctuated by a tense silence. "Kaz, I'm so sorry. I—" y/n began apologetically.

"It's not your fault. I'll try to handle him," Kaz reassured her, placing his hand over hers on the doorknob. Their eyes met for a brief moment, unspoken understanding passing between them, before she nodded and left.

Kaz turned back to face Jesper, bracing himself for the difficult conversation that lay ahead. The tension in the room was palpable, and it didn't take long for their exchange to escalate into a full-blown argument. Voices were raised, accusations were hurled, and the air crackled with frustration.

Kaz tried desperately to make his friend understand his reasons, explaining his need to acclimate to human touch for Inej's sake. But Jesper, his skepticism deeply rooted, remained unconvinced. "Look," Jesper said, his voice weary from hours of arguing, "I don't want to know anything. I still don't know if I should believe you or not, because you've been in love with Inej since the first time you laid eyes on her. Just don't hurt her, Kaz, and don't hurt yourself too."

Kaz nodded, equally exhausted. The weight of Jesper's words pressed heavily on his shoulders, mingling with his own doubts and fears. Despite the exhaustion, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about y/n, wondering what she was doing, how she was feeling. The argument with Jesper had only intensified his concern.

He gave in and texted her, ‘Everything okay?’ The minutes felt like hours as he waited for a response, his mind conjuring up all sorts of scenarios. Finally, his phone buzzed with a reply—a picture of a piercing studio. Kaz frowned, curiosity piqued. He stared at the image, wondering what she was up to and if she was okay.

Just as he was about to text her back, another message came in, this time from Inej. It was a picture of her suspended in the air, performing one of her daring acrobatic feats. A rush of anxiety washed over him, a familiar sensation whenever he saw her in such precarious situations. ‘Be careful,’ he replied, feeling a pang of protectiveness. Moments later, a heart emoji popped up on his screen, and he couldn't help but smile.

Still, the unresolved tension from his argument with Jesper gnawed at him. He knew he needed to clear his head, to find a way to balance the complex web of his relationships. He couldn't afford to let his emotions spiral out of control. He decided to distract himself by diving into work, hoping that focusing on tasks would help him regain some semblance of calm.

Hours passed as Kaz immersed himself in his work, but his mind kept drifting back to y/n. The image of the piercing studio lingered in his thoughts, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to check on her. He picked up his phone and typed out another message, ‘What are you getting pierced?’ He hit send, half expecting a quick reply and half preparing himself for silence. And she didn’t answer.

***

Three days before Inej’s arrival, Kaz found himself once again on the familiar couch in the dimly lit apartment. He sat there, rigid and tense, while the usual girl was lounging nearby, engrossed in her phone and watching TikToks. From y/n's room, the most wild, unabashed sounds were emanating, echoing through the otherwise quiet space.

“Please, please, I want more,” y/n cried out, her voice laced with desperation. “I can take it.”

Kaz felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. The secretary snorted at his obvious discomfort, still not looking away from her phone. “I think she’s trying to prove a point,” she observed nonchalantly. Her detachment only added to Kaz’s awkwardness.

Kaz didn't know how to respond. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the rawness of y/n's cries making him feel a strange mix of emotions. The haunting words from her friends—‘Wait until he discovers that you’re an animal in bed’—kept replaying in his mind, a mantra that fueled his sense of inadequacy. Despite his attempts to focus elsewhere, her pleading grew more and more desperate, wrapping around his thoughts like a suffocating fog.

Finally, the sounds ceased, and Kaz exhaled a breath. The oppressive silence that followed was almost as unbearable as the noise that had preceded it.

After what felt like an eternity, the door to y/n's room opened. Two men emerged, still adjusting their ties and elbowing each other with satisfied grins. They barely spared Kaz a glance as they left, their casual departure a stark contrast to the turmoil brewing inside him.

Kaz waited, listening to the faint rustle of sheets and the muffled sounds of y/n moving around her room. It took longer than usual for her to call for him. When she finally did, her voice was subdued, almost hesitant.

“Kaz, you can come in now.”

He rose from the couch, steeling himself as he approached her door. Inside, y/n was fixing the pillows on her bed, her movements precise and mechanical. The room smelled faintly of vanilla and something more primal, a lingering reminder of what had transpired.

“Sorry, I had to... clean up,” she said, not meeting his gaze. Her tone was matter-of-fact, but Kaz detected a subtle undercurrent of something else—perhaps fatigue, or maybe a hint of regret.

Kaz swallowed hard, feeling a tight knot form in his stomach. He knew he should say something, anything, to break the tension, but words failed him. Instead, he found himself staring at the freshly made bed, the pristine white sheets a stark contrast to the chaotic thoughts swirling in his mind.

When she turned, Kaz's eyes fell on the two matching love bites adorning the sides of her neck. The sight triggered a violent surge of jealousy, his mind involuntarily conjuring images of the two men kissing her at the same time. It made him want to beat them unconscious.

“Fuck, I’m exhausted,” she sighed, collapsing onto the bed.

“Come here, babe. What do you want to do?” she asked, and Kaz mechanically sat next to her, pulling her closer. 

“No shirt?” he proposed, letting his hand linger in her hair.

“Nasty,” she commented playfully.

Like the other day, she straddled him, her legs on either side of his hips. She began to unbutton his shirt, her fingers deftly working each button until she could slide it off and throw it to the floor. The feel of her hands on his bare chest made his heart race, every touch sending electric shocks through his nerves.

“Talk to me, Kaz,” she whispered, her hands exploring his trembling chest.

He closed his eyes firmly, trying to steady his breath. “Were they good?” he asked, unable to shake the image of the two satisfied men leaving her room.

“Yes, actually,” she said, her hands wandering over his arms. She reached his hands and guided them to rest on her waist. 

“Do you like it? When there are more than one?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes,” she said again, her breath warm against his neck.

He flinched at her answer, a knot of tension tightening in his gut. She seemed to sense his discomfort and tickled him with her nose, a soft, affectionate gesture that distracted him momentarily.

Kaz’s mind was a whirlwind of emotions. The possessiveness, the jealousy, and the confusion about his own desires and boundaries swirled within him. But amidst it all, there was an underlying need to understand her, to connect with her on a level that went beyond their current arrangement.

“Why?” he found himself asking, his voice raw with vulnerability. “Why do you like it?”

She paused, her eyes searching his face. “Because it makes me feel desired,” she said softly. “It’s not about the number of people, Kaz. It’s about the feeling of being wanted, of being the center of attention. It’s a rush.”

y/n pressed her body against his chest, or Kaz pulled her closer until there was no space between them—he had no idea. His breath was fast, his ribcage convulsing against her bra. He felt her lips on his neck, her hands tangled in his hair. “Did you come?” he whispered.

“Twice,” she murmured against his skin.

y/n rolled her hips on his, making him hiss. “Do you like to think about it, Kaz?” she whispered in his ear, her voice a seductive purr. “How everyone gets to fuck me, apart from you?” Her hips stopped moving, and he instinctively started guiding them with his hands still on her waist. “Do you want to know how good they make me feel? How good you could make me feel?”

Kaz felt the control of the situation slipping away from him, yet he craved every word, every movement. He wanted her to keep talking, to keep moving against him, making him feel so close to heaven he swore he saw the light. “I’m just waiting for you, love,” she purred before pressing her lips on his. Kaz felt his hands sliding on her back like he had always wanted to do. Soft moans escaped from both of them, and he was feeling less and less ashamed of them. One hand went to her hair, as usual, while the other pressed her more into him, increasing the friction between them.

He was close, so close.

Abruptly, his thoughts went to Inej—sweet, loving Inej—and he interrupted the kiss, moving her away. “Stop, stop. Safe word, whatever,” he said, passing a hand over his face and through his hair. Kaz was fighting for his life, while y/n casually lay on the bed, looking at him like a cat would watch a small mouse.

She cocked her head, her eyes glinting with curiosity and something darker. “You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”

Kaz nodded, his chest heaving as he tried to steady his breath. “I can’t do this... not like this.”

“What was that?” Kaz asked, locking eyes with her, his voice a mixture of confusion and anger.

“Just wanting to make you feel good. You were finally letting go,” she replied, her tone sharp, a stark contrast to her usual calm demeanor.

“I’m not here to let go,” he said almost angrily, his frustration bubbling to the surface.

“Yes, you are,” she shot back, her eyes blazing with a challenge.

“I have a girlfriend,” he countered, trying to remind himself of his boundaries.

“You are my client,” she retorted, harshly. The words cut through the room like a knife, leaving a tense silence in their wake.

Kaz's head shot in her direction, his confusion deepening. Was she mad? Were they fighting?”

“Your girlfriend is not my concern, you are,” she snapped, shrugging off her see-through robe and exposing herself even more. It was a calculated move, a way to push him to the edge. Kaz could see through her tactics, the way she was trying to set some distance between them. She let him hear her with the two men, she edged him until he was about to lose control. A desperate try of letting him see who she truly was. Her nails attracted his focus, they were long and bright red. He hated them. 

“You are here because you want to stay with her, and I am here because I never get enough,” she said, stepping closer and kissing his cheek with an almost cruel tenderness.

“I think you should go,” she added, her voice cold and final.

She was right, but he didn’t want to leave. He had no idea what he wanted anymore. His emotions were a tangled mess, his mind torn between guilt, desire, and confusion.

“You’re trying to push me away,” he accused, his voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt.

“Maybe I am,” she admitted, her eyes hard. “Maybe you need to see what this really is.”

Kaz clenched his fists, struggling to keep his composure. “I’m not some project for you to manipulate.”

“And I’m not some placeholder for your girlfriend!” she shot back, her voice rising. “You come here, seeking something you can’t get from her, and yet you act like I’m the one crossing the line?”

“You don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m trying to deal with my issues, to be better for her.”

“And using me in the process?” she challenged, stepping back and crossing her arms over her chest. “That’s not fair, Kaz.”

He took a deep breath, his frustration boiling over. “I never wanted this to become complicated. I just wanted to—”

“To what?” she interrupted. “To fix yourself without getting your hands dirty? Life doesn’t work that way, Kaz.”

Silence fell between them, heavy and suffocating. Kaz felt a lump in his throat, his mind racing.

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

She looked at him, her expression softening slightly. “Figure it out, Kaz. And until you do, maybe it’s best if we don’t see each other.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. He nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and sadness. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

He turned and left the room, each step feeling heavier than the last. As he walked away, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was leaving a part of himself behind.

***

Of course, it didn't last long. Kaz was outside her apartment, watching the light in her room and her silhouette moving around. It was past 2 in the morning, and he was drunk. He promised himself that if her light was off, he would drive back home. He cursed her for being awake, feeling the familiar pull of his conflicting desires. Kaz waited to be sure she was alone, then pulled out his phone and confirmed a transfer of 1500 kruge to her account, labeling it “I'm outside.”