#just bc it didnt scare you in the way you thought it was supposed to does not mean it is overhyped!

[stevethehairington]

people shitting all over a movie bc it doesn't live up to the "scariest movie you'll ever see" hype is SOOOO stupid. like hello ever horror movie EVER uses that line as part of their marketing. you absolutely cannot put THAT much stake into that. be so serious.

[nomairuins]

i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list

[madame-fear]

Okay but like am I the only one that thrives on angst?? Because imagine if Jacaerys and his young wife, who he by the way only married for the support of The Arryns, had marriage problems because there’s always been tension between her and Baela (just an idea, I love my Baela bc she’s my girl!!) as Jacaerys was supposed to be married to her instead..and might I mention that reader was shipped off to Dragonstone by herself to give birth to her son and she’s been alone and scared all the time, until she’s brought back to Kingslanding after her mother in-law, Queen Rhaenyra, finally claimed back the throne with a peace treaty between the Hightowers. His wife is so so shy and alone because she’s only used to being with their baby, and Jacaerys is just absolutely worried for her because he hasn’t visited her at all due to his duties as heir and it just so happens that his wife thinks he hates herr 💔💔 (this was a bit long..but idk)

𐙚 𝐐𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐀 𝐉𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐀𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍.

ೀ amira speaks.ᐟ : the so awaited Arryn reader fic is here !! Hope it was what you expected, and overall enjoy it! Thought this was longer than 3.6k words! 😭🤲💗 ˗ˏˋ ꒰ summary : ∿ request above! ˗ˏˋ ꒰ word count : 3.6k

˗ˏˋ ꒰ genre : angst to fluff. ˗ˏˋ ꒰ pairing : Jacaerys Velaryon x Arryn!Wife!Reader.

After many years of a long, nearly never ending war, it had finally subsided— bringing peace for once and for all. It had been the same war that provoked the death of innocent people, and the one responsible for your marriage with Prince Jacaerys, as well.

A rather complex marriage, you’d say it was— though, it was an engagement that could only be expected. Betrothals and marriages had never been done for the sake of genuine love, but only for the sake of allies & tying deeper bonds between the Houses; helplessly falling in forced, unhappy marriages.

There had been little to no time for any of you two to establish some sort of proper relationships between each other. It worked as an engagement with the sole purpose of gaining support from House Arryn amidst the war with the Greens. “A betrothal, in exchange for support”, and it served with it’s purpose as it should in a way, you guessed.

Except, for the looming tension that came along your marriage.

Jace’s previous betrothal to Lady Baela, firstborn daughter of the Rogue Prince, wasn’t unbeknownst to you; a betrothal that had to be broken off when you appeared in the picture, as the support from the Arryns would be placed as number one priority— with Jacaerys marrying you as the one and only condition for yet another ally. It was inconvenient, but very much needed.

The growing tension between you and his previous betrothed notoriously loomed in the air as soon as you both met one another— being presented with little to no words from Baela, and most of the time, all the endless attempts you did in order to establish a good relationship with her, were dismissed; thrown into the wind, as you were given a cold stare, with no words said... Being walked right past, left ignored.

Often times, you could feel her contemptuous stare fixed on you, each time you were sat next to Jacaerys.

Solitude had leisurely grown as a frequent monster lurking in your surroundings. “I can’t do anything about it, I can’t act as an intermediary to your relationship.” was the strict response given to you by your future Lord Husband, when speaking your mind regarding how the Lady Baela gave you a cold shoulder, despite the constant friendliness you had to offer.

Jacaerys didn’t seem to care much at all. You swore that the eldest Velaryon prince was as indifferent towards you, as his previous betrothed was— maybe, he even resented you for breaking off his already arranged betrothal. And you couldn’t say you didnt understand the situation, however.

Years of having known, trusted, each other, growing by each other’s side... Having their betrothal arranged for years— you could even silently observe the way in which they gazed at each other, occasionally. All of that had only been for it to turn into ash & dust when the time to seek support from allies had come.

But what other choice did you have, except none at all? Had you any blame, at all? Were you truly the one at fault? The growing solitude and the hefty weight of guilt was nearly asphyxiating. You felt desperately trapped in an escapeless labyrinth, being fully aware of how you had no one at all to release each one of your thoughts to— with your betrothed often giving you a cold shoulder as well, or simply, being far too engaged in his duties. Each private conversation, managed to quickly be dismissed; you had been forced to be kept to yourself, in a way.

All for a war between kin. All for the sake of allies. And you, right in the middle of it all.

Things hadn’t grown to become any better at all by the time you fell pregnant with your first child— with his child. Much less considering it was all still under the looming tension of war felt in the atmosphere.

Dragonstone had become your temporary home; one you had been sent to all by yourself, still being with child. Taking proper care of yourself throughout your pregnancy had been a difficult task, considering how the general situation provoked a constant state of fright and concern to you. Alone, with no one else to rely on; finding mere solace in talking to yourself... Or, rather, talking quietly to your unborn child.

It wasn’t exactly the healthiest thing for the fragile conditions you were mentally experiencing— it simply deepened that inner void, those bitter feelings of loneliness; poisoning you slowly with every quiet tear you dropped late at night in your chambers, after holding on to the knot that formed on your throat during the day.

The rocky castle had been the same place where you had birthed your child— a healthy boy, much to your fortune. Something that the Gods had finally graced you with. And that grace was, providing an heir for your husband... Though, you had given birth to your babe in the mere company of a few maids, and maesters. Your own mother-in-law couldn’t be there by your side, as much as she deeply desired to. Your own husband, with his duties as Rhaenyra’s heir, couldn’t assist, either— and much less, your own blood.

The Gods have a strange way of treating you, you thought. Blessing you with an heir to your husband, and, simultaneously, remaining to provide you with solitude throughout the entire way.

Not long passed after you gave birth, that war had finally subsided, moving from Dragonstone to King’s Landing with a small babe in your arms. Queen Rhaenyra had made peace treaty with the Greens, allowing her to claim her birthright, the Iron Throne, for once and for all— bringing a wave of relief, tossing aside a hefty weight burdening you.

Of course, just one small bit of a burdening weight had been removed from your life, and you dared to say, it was the most important heaviness lingering on the atmosphere— yet, you still had your own issues to solve. Moving all by yourself with a small baby boy towards the Red Keep wasn’t an easy task either, it simply stirred the occasional anxiety you suffered, along with bitter loneliness.

Those series of events happened in, what you considered, to be such a short time lapse— barely allowing you to process your wedding ceremony, the looming tension between you and his previous betrothed, not being able to have properly bonded with your husband as you married for mere alliances, having very little bonding with your mother-in-law, living in a whole different place from one day to another, having a babe, and moving once again this time with your child after the peace treaty...

... And you could keep naming each, and every single one of the little things that provoked an asphyxiating knot on your throat; one you had to bitterly swallow and keep to yourself. How could you not be overwhelmed with the circumstances?

You had grown used to being alone, with only the company of your little boy to keep your sanity hanging from a fragile, fraying thread. You briefly, and very feebly managed to interact with the rest of the members of House Targaryen— but you never throughoutly engaged in a deeper bond with them, or were often seen walking around the large halls, once the war had finished and you moved to the Red Keep.

The war had passed immediatly after the peace treaty with the Hightowers. No usurper on the Throne, no more dead men and innocent people— and all the burden you carried behind of you now, was that of the lurking solitude haunting you. It was just your small, sweet boy and you to spend time together; the one whom you found some warmth, despite still being practically a babe. Though, you couldn’t occasionally help but long for the company of anyone else from your new family.

At the present moment, you spent time on your private chambers. your little boy rested on your lap, as you quietly sat on the ground. On his hand, was a dragon wooden toy which he played with— making some cooing sounds. He had been your only companion for the moment, managing to spare you from any feelings of loneliness from the moment you had learned you were with child, being the one you often spoke to despite not receiving back an answer.

A faint grin graced your lips, with your hand gently caressing the back of his hair. You craned your head gently, releasing a soft chuckle at the sight of your boy engaged into his own world. You both were almost headed to sleep, but you preferred to spend some more time together— enjoying the quietness of the night, and the peace that came along.

The stillness looming in the atmosphere had been interrupted by a soft knock sounding twice against the wooden doors of your chambers. Raising your sight curiously as your boy remained playing in your lap with the wooden dragon toy. Not often having many visitors at the late hours of the night, you softly muttered “Come in.”

The door was gently swayed, revealing to be your Husband the one who knocked, closing the door behind him— which, it wasn’t a common occurence, for him to visit you in your chambers. The constant duties of the eldest Velaryon prince, on his role of being his mother’s heir to the Throne, were more than time-consuming; occupying the entirety of his attention.

But of course, with you being his wife, mother of his son, having shared little to nothing — plus having married only for alliances — and having some previous marriage problems regarding his broken betrothal, could only burden his thoughts. You had done an important effort to be a proper wife to him, one that couldn’t pass unnoticed.

You married to support what his mother fought for, you managed the notorious tension there was between you and his previous betrothed— you had given him a son, birthing all by yourself, and moved to Dragonstone, and then the Red Keep all by yourself, as well; only for him to spend his days focused on what was asked of him, leaving little time to even pay you and your baby son a short visit.

Guilt was overriding him in a constant, haunting manner. It was only natural for Jacaerys to be consumed by his preoccupied feelings towards you. Perhaps, you didn’t often engage or bond together in a convenient way, and you might’ve had troubles before when it came to discussing about your uneasy relationship with Lady Baela— but that didn’t mean he didn’t love you, much less notice your strenght in every sense.

It was only fair to show his appreciation, and his concern for your wellbeing.

“Hope I’m not troubling both of you with my presence?” Jace said in a lighthearted manner, with a faint grin appearing on his rosy lips, tilting his head briefly. His presence had been quite a surprise for you, and that expressed on the looks in your features, along with some tension in the air— not being used to being visited by Rhaenyra’s heir, your husband. Which, if anything, it deepened the looming guilt on him.

You shook your head gently, looking down at your son timidly, using your index finger to delicately caress him on his cheek. “Not at all, we were spending some time before heading to sleep.” you muttered in response. “Is anything the matter? Has something happened?” you inquired with slight concern, furrowing your eyebrows, lifting your gaze once again, staring into his dark coffee eyes. The innocence on your features were most beloved by him, managing to properly appreciate them as, now, it was just the two of you in the room— no duties in between, no one else to bother you.

Jacaerys shook his head. “Nothing’s the matter, fortunately.” he answered, with a tone of relief. His lips frowned for a split second, thoroughly processing his words before continuing. “I... Simply wished to pay you, and our son, a visit— as I haven’t been able to do so lately with my duties as my mother’s heir.” his eyes lingered on the ground shyly, before returning to stare at your own. “I wanted to know if you were doing alright as well, and if you felt comfortable around, of course.”

The expressions on your face softened leisurely. “Oh,” your lips partly opened in surprise, stuttering for a moment, before closing them rather quickly. You had been momentarily taken aback by his unexpected statement, as you had never shared a private moment like this with him before. It had been a situation you would have never guessed you would ever experience, yet, here you were— and it felt as if the world surrounding you stopped for a second.

You swallowed thickly, looking down over your boy, who stared at his father, and then at you. “Keep playing with your toys, my love. I will be right back.” pressing a smooch on your son’s forehead, you carefully moved him so he would sit on the rug decorating the room beneath both of you. A wide, almost toothless smile graced his features, before continuing to play with his own toys as you stood, and approached Jace.

It was almost admirable how much of a dedicated, loving mother you were, Jace thought to himself, staring at the scene— with a grin helplessly increasing on the corner of his lips. Your hands turned into fists, meekly fidgeting with the fabric of your dress. You almost couldn’t stare at him in the eyes, allowing him to notice as well a growing fluster in your cheeks.

“I-I’m... Doing quite alright.” the words came off whispered, and stuttered, from your lips, “We have been managing together all this time, after the war.” you mentioned, staring at your boy — who was absorbed into his own innocent world — before returning to stare at Jacaerys. “Thank you... For asking.” the eldest Velaryon smiled sweetly at you, noticing how you very faintly stared at him in the eyes.

“I’m quite relieved to hear so.” he replied back, in a low, casual tone, continuing to offer a kind grin to you as his eyes guided themselves towards his baby boy playing in the background. Brief moments of awkward silence passed, with a palpable tension in the atmosphere.

You had been given little time — to not say , none at all — to bond with each other, before your wedding ceremony. You knew nothing about one another, and it could only be expected that you would be awkward in each other’s presence. But now that the war had ended, the possibility of engaging in a proper, sweet manner with each other was now given. You could softly hear Jace take a deep breath, before continuing to talk with you.

“I came to visit you to offer my apologies, as well.” furrowing your eyebrows, your stare darted at his own— which lingered on the ground, noticing a rosy taint beginning to cover his cheeks. “What for?” it was a rather innocent ask, or at least, Jace considered it to be that way. With a lingering guilt that weighed constantly on him, offering his apologies felt very little with everything he actually owed you, after all the things you had done for him.

The heir nibbled on his lower lip for a moment, allowing himself to properly process in words each and every single little thing he had to thank you, and apologise for. “For many things, I dare to say.” he scoffed in a teasing way, provoking a frowny grin to grow upon your lips, as you kept delicately fidgeting with the fabric of your dress in a discreet manner. “One of the things I would like to apologise for the most, is for... Not simply not visiting you, and our baby son due to my duties as heir— but for having given you a cold shoulder all this time, in a way.”

Your expressions began softening, not uttering a single word to allow him to continue. The looks on your face were almost puzzling to him, as it contained several emotions— all mostly ranging from surprise, to a... relieved one. But mostly, a shyly relieved look began expressing itself all across your features. “I never expressed to you my admiration for your strength and courage. Much less, I have given you my gratitude for marrying me and giving me an heir, all in order to gain new allies amidst war.”

“You have done everything by yourself. Moved to Dragonstone alone, birthed alone, and moved to the Red Keep after the peace treaty all by yourself, with our boy. I often scorn myself for not having done the slightest effort of accompanying you.” it was true. All this time, you had grown to be used only to the presence of your little child offering you solace, and company.

Hearing his words shed a light of understanding to the implicances of war when it came to the perspective— after all, being heir to the Throne is not easy at all, much less when your birthright is usurped. But for Jace, being an heir occupied with his duties, before and after war, was no excuse to give offer you a piece of his genuine love and admiration. If anything, he resented himself for not having visited you earlier.

“There hasn’t been a single moment where I haven’t thought about you, or haven’t grown any more preoccupied. And I’m sorry for not having shown it earlier, when I should have. Your efforts have never passed unnoticed.”

A gentle sigh spurred from you, nibbling shyly on your lower lip, with your gaze meekly darting towards the ground. Hearing such statement coming from him felt almost surreal, considering each moment you spent alone, wondering to yourself if your husband felt mere disdain towards you after breaking off his previous betrothal to Lady Baela. You had to process the moment for several seconds, leaving a few seconds of silence to hang in the air until you gave your response, but you couldn’t deny that a part of you was satisfied to know his true thoughts about you.

“I would’ve thought you... Resented me for breaking off your betrothal, and occupying the place of Lady Baela.” you muttered timidly, maintaining your eyes gazing at the floor. His eyes widened faintly in surprise. Gods, your words didn’t help with the intensely growing guilt-feelings he suffered, almost as if your statement sharply stabbed him in the heart— how could he ever resent you?

You had nothing to do with anything. You simply did your required duties, what was asked of you.

Jace stood silent for a moment, “How could I ever resent you?” he began, a certain desperation, and disbelief, vibrating on his tone upon hearing your statement. It almost shattered him, knowing you thought that— and all because his mind was consumed in war strategies and responsibilities as heir. The tip of his index finger placed itself on your underchin, delicately — yet firmly — lifting your face so you would stare at each other.

His dark coffee eyes stared profoundly into your own, “I could never resent you for something that was not your choice, much less after all the efforts you did.” you swore you could feel a knot beginning to form on your throat, from both the overwhelming sensation of having thought all this time that Jacaerys disdained you, and from content. “The idea of breaking off my betrothal to Lady Baela and become used to your presence for alliances might have been complicated initially, but I could never resent you for it.”

“Quite the contrary, I have grown to love and silently admire you.” both his hands had gone to cup your cheeks affectionately, taking the moments of quietness to admire every inch of your features. That was, before his arms rapidly embraced themselves around you, tightly wrapping you into a hug. One of his hands went to the back of your head, interwining his fingers in between your hair, as his other hand softly moved up and down, caressing your back; nuzzling the tip of his nose against your hair in a discreet manner— finding comfort in your sweet scent.

For a moment, you stood there, being firmly hugged by Jace, as you leisurely processed the — quite abrupt — situation. Your eyes had widened slightly in surprise, only to feel your body relaxing a few seconds after the eldest Velaryon held you in the warmth of his arms, slowly giving into the embrace. Your arms delicately wrapped themselves around his own body, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. A wide range of emotions came afloat at the moment, but all you could feel, was a gleeful sensation of relief.

What you had so longed for, had been finally given in your life— to seek and find comfort in your husband.

“All I can only do, is constantly cherish the lucky fact of your existence, I have never felt a single ounce of resentment, or hatred.” he muttered, continuing to nuzzle his nose against your hair in a loving manner, before firmly pressing his lips against your temple for several seconds. “I hope you can forgive me, and know that I’ll be visiting and spending time with both of you more often— because I adore you, immensely.”

The ghost of a soft, shy grin began growing on the corner of your lips. You knew everything would be alright, from now on— it would all be less dreadful, and less lonely, knowing that your husband would now be accompanying you in a proper manner.

The Gods did have a strange way of treating you, but all for an ultimate good.

��� ꙳ ๋࣭ ⭑ ` taglist .ᐟ

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@cupids-mf-arrow @happinessinthebeing

[milaeth]

୨୧┊ 𝐈𝐈. 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒. ( charles leclerc )

ꖛ ─ you’re reading part two ∿ part one ∿ part three

✧.* pairings ─ charles leclerc x fem! singer! reader

✧.* genre ─ social media au ⨾ fluff & chaotic

✧.* summary ─ in which your best friend George gets fed up with watching you and Charles secretly yearn for each other while claiming to be just friends. so, when you lose a bet to George, he takes control of your social media accounts for 24 hours, using the opportunity to help you make a move on your crush.

✧.* face claim ─ suki waterhouse

✧.* warnings ─ some suggestive jokes, other than that this is just as chaotic as the first part

✧.* mily’s thoughts ─ part three is coming soon! hope you enjoy mwah <3

˗ˏ ➶ IMESSAGE ➜ w/ charles <3 . ✧ ˚

y/n: hey charles i really don’t want to be a bother but i quickly wanted to apologize for the insta post that was made about us a few hours ago!

charles <3: Hey, don’t worry, you’re not a bother! :) And I don’t really care about the post.

y/n: wait

y/n: you don’t care?

charles <3: Nope, I thought the whole flirting thing (the comments etc) was just a joke between friends, yk. At first I was a little confused, to be honest, since we don't usually joke like that, but I figured it was just the way you interact with people you feel more comfortable with!

[ seen 1:29pm ]

˗ˏ ➶ IMESSAGE ➜ w/ princess george . ✧ ˚

y/n: i’m so scared

princess george: WHAT DID HE SAY

y/n: he thinks it was a flirty joke between friends

princess george: HUH? So I did all that painfully obvious flirting for nothing💀

y/n: AHA

y/n: SO YOU DID DO ALL THESE THINGS TO GET ME TO CONFESS TO CHARLES.

princess george: Someone had to do it! I'm sick of watching you guys literally be in love with the other and still claim to be "just friends" 🤓

y/n:🧍‍♀️

y/n: that isn’t the point now

y/n: the point is WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY

princess george: YOU HAVENT REPLY YET??

y/n: NO I LEFT HIM ON READ BC I PANICKED IDK

princess george: i'm going to have to call carmen to give you some girly advice if you don't start getting bold💀

y/n: OKAYOKAY BUT WHAT SHOULD I SAY

y/n: HURRY UP HES BEEN ON SEEN FOR FIVE MINUTES NOW

princess george: IDK ASK GOOGLE

y/n: GEORGE WTF

princess george: DONT ‘GEORGE WTF’ ME! YOU KNOW I DONT WORK WELL UNDER PEER PRESSURE

y/n: you’re a racing driver💀

princess george: your point?

[ seen 1:37pm ]

princess george: hello???

[ seen 1:38pm ]

y/n: I ASKED GOOGLE LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO AND THEY DIDNT DO SHIT

y/n: they had the audacity to correct me too

princess george: 💀💀

[ seen 1:40pm ]

˗ˏ ➶ IMESSAGE ➜ w/ charles <3 . ✧ ˚

y/n: you think it was a joke?

charles <3: Well yeah

charles <3 I mean

charles <3: It couldn’t have been anything more

y/n: what if it was tho?

y/n: hypothetical ofc!!!!

charles <3: Well I honestly don’t know

charles <3: If we are speaking hypothetically, I think I would be flattered.

y/n: and if we aren’t speaking hypothetically?

charles <3: Then I would probably still feel flattered.

charles <3: Y/n? Hello?

y/n: SORRY MY PHONE FELL DOWN

charles <3: LMAO

charles <3: Does that mean those flirty jokes weren’t just jokes?

y/n: well.. to me, they’re not jokes, but i’m not the one who made them. i wasn’t supposed to tell you yet but i’m getting sick of george so idc

y/n: i lost a bet to him and had to hand over my main social media accounts for 24 hours, meaning all the comments/posts you saw from my main accounts were made by george😭

charles <3: That explains why I saw your private accounts constantly fight with your main accounts in random comment sections💀

y/n: yeah he was really messing with me

y/n: i’ve gotten lots of angry mails from my pr team

charles <3: I can imagine😭 It's only fair that you get back at him.

y/n: oh absolutely.

charles <3: Can I ask a question though?

y/n: sure!

charles <3: Is your newest single actually about me?

y/n: yes it is. i’m sorry you have to find out like this but i really like you, like a lot. i’ve liked you for a while now but i was too scared to talk to you about it because i thought you don’t feel the same.

charles <3: That’s not true

charles <3: I actually do feel the same, and I literally had the same dilemma!

y/n: WHAT

y/n: YOU ALSO LIKE ME??

charles <3: YES!! I really like you :)

y/n: SINCE WHEN

charles <3: Probably since the day I first met you

y/n: no way i thought you hated me back then💀

charles <3: No don’t worry I didn’t😭 My brother Arthur said I always have this certain look to myself when I meet new people. He said I tend to look a little “off” when I’m overwhelmed, so that was probably it lol

y/n: oh yeah, george said the same about you

charles <3: Aha very nice of him💀

charles <3: Btw I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by asking this, but what are we now? I’m just a little confused

y/n: how about we take it slow and start going on little dates? like trying this whole thing out and seeing if we can actually be more than friends.

charles <3: I had the same in mind :)

charles <3: And George still has control over your main accounts?

y/n: yep for the next 2-3 hours :’)

charles <3: alright, ready to get back at him?

y/n: ABSOLUTELY

[ seen 1:59pm ]

˗ˏ ➶ IMESSAGE ➜ w/ princess george . ✧ ˚

princess george: Y/N DID HE REPLY YET?

[ sent 1:43pm ]

princess george: Y/N?

princess charles: HELLOOOO

[ sent 1:44pm ]

princess george: CMON I CAN SEE YOURE ONLINE

[ sent 1:46pm ]

princess george: DONT BE SO CRUEL

princess george: PLEASEEE

princess george: I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SAID

[ sent 1:50pm ]

princess george: UGH fine

princess george: Guess my finger slipped again🙄🙄🙄

[ sent 1:55pm ]

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, georgerussell63 and 8,379,158 others

yourusername save a horse, ride a char- COWBOY

tagged: charles_leclerc

view all 268,368 comments…

user375 HELP ME WHAT

user121 girl you gotta stop being horny on the internet😭

georgerussell63 Oh. My. God.😲😲 Y/n this isn’t your private account

user54 you’re acting very sus there mate

user488 well someone needs to get laid💀

user224 simp of the day🫵

pierregasly i can’t watch this

yourusername then look away🤷‍♀️😂

user865 you’re so relatable

user308 cowboy charles😍😍

urusername_alt🔒 YOU DID NOT

yourusername I did xx

urusername_alt🔒 DELETE THIS RN

yourusername Nopee

carlos55sainz I’m so confused

charles_leclerc my lap is free🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

yourusername WHAT

urusername_alt🔒 wait- fr?🤭🤭

landonorris pause. stop right there.

yourusername | 📍 paris, france

liked by senelagomez, carlos55sainz and 21,488,321 others

yourusername feels good to finally have this account back

view all 170,325 comments…

zendaya stunning as always✨

liked by yourusername

user965 mother is mothering🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

user233 does a stronger word than mother exist??

user355 @/charlesleclerc you better wife her up before i do

user212 there’s no way they’re actually together, now that she revealed that george was behind all those comments/posts

user593 i was NOT prepared

charles_leclerc come to monaco, we miss you

landonorris who’s we

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© milaeth | 2023

[uniformbravo]

since i've spent the past few days essentially staring at nothing but natsuyuu volume covers i thought it'd be so fun and silly to try and redraw them all from memory tee hee. all 30 (thirty) (三十) of them!!! wheee!!!!

i haven't actually looked at them next to the originals yet so guess what time it is!!!! LET'S COMPARE

starting with volume 1. iconic. show stopping. masterpiece. the mona lisa of natsuyuu SURELY i reproduced every single detail perfectly such that it kickstarts my career as a forgery artist RIGHT

well feast ur eyes

(im using the english volumes for comparison btw they have a good clear view of the art)

CAN U TELL WHICH IS WHICH OOO THEYRE SO ALIKE BET U CANT!!! SPOT THE DIFFERENCE LEVEL 1000 WHICH ONE DO U SHOOT

all i remembered for this one was GREEN and it's not even the right shade of green ajgosugdjfkdgj i even made the fuckin. what do u call it. i'll just say yukata??? I MADE IT GREEN AND ITS SUPPOSED TO BE RED i stg if u held a gun to my head & asked if there was any red on vol 1 i'd be DEAD

but i remembered the book of friends is like. weirdly purple? ok well in this pic it looks p gray BUT ON OTHER COPIES...... IF U UP THE SATURATION GKSJKDNFKDG

why is nyanko sensei smack dab in the middle HUH i couldve sworn he was bottom left this is so fucked up and scary. haunted manga volume??????? i bought it from a grarage sale idk you guys-

at least natsume's pose is like kind of right but also that's most definitely a complete accident i can ASSURE u (im rereading this the next day and the pose isnt even CLOSE what are u TALKING ABOUT)

anyway can i just fucking point out the kanji on the book of friends bc that is from MEMORY YEEHAW here's what it's Supposed to look like: 友人帳

LIKE even tho i got the last one wrong ITS LIKE STILL PRETTY CLOSE??? i think i deserve 100 points for this objectively

MOVING ON THO....

OK NOT AS BAD AS I THOUGHT SURPRISINGLY im actually like. i thought i bombed this one completely but liKE THE COMPOSITION??? KIND OF ON POINT. KIND OF GENIUS TBH

i remembered Blue and Madara and like what else do u need rly. butterflies are optional in all scenarios imo

also i NEVER have any idea what natsume's wearing in any of these so i always just like default throw him into his school uniform LMAO u will see a pattern

why is the book of friends burgundy in this one btw. it was GRAY i mean purple definitely purple aha

ok volume 3 im actually scared for i know i fucked up SOMETHING

HGLKFKGLKFKGFN OK!!!!! OK NOT SUPER AWFUL!!!! just noticed i forgor to color the book of friends fukg

main thing i remembered abt this one was the color of natsume's... attire.... and which characters were present. whats sensei doing all the way up in the top corner tho 0/10

return of the school uniform lmaooooo hm. irrelevant who cares plus didnt ask. all things considered this wasn't as bad as i thought. THE NEXT ONE HOWEVER,

hsngjfgnfjn okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

sensei's way cuter in this one than i realized wait wtf this cover's cute af how did i never notice. underrated cover -10 @ me. look at his lil BLEP >:O!!!!!!!

i knew there was some fuckshit going on w the yukata in this one ourhg i was just like hehe greeennnn also sensei's there. my work here is done

what is natsume's pose even hgnkg i was straight up making shit up at this point LIKE the first 6 or so covers are SO hard for me to distinguish in my head i should get a free pass for the poses in all of them like i can do whatever i want IM the artist now

oh god whats next vol 5

OK!!!! like a straight 5/10 TBH i literally forgot i was planning on rating these LMAO

i remembered the like white v-neck shirt thing and his pose kind of??? i had NO idea what to do for the yukata tho i just made it orange and u know what?? close enough. my rule of thumb is just like pick a color and then throw flowers all over it u cant go wrong

taki looks so much more mysterious on the original and also wearing a skirt. i gave her a big stick bc i thought i remembered her having one in general but i think i made that up tbh wouldn't put it past me. got her hat right tho hee haw

cant believe i didn't get natsume's beautiful artwork tho look at that little shit sensei up there god hes so ROUMD literally moma material

PROBABLY my best one yet uhhhh but i maybe cheated JUST a little for this one ITS LIKE BARELY CHEATING STOP BOOING ME

as i was toying w the idea of doing this redraw thing i was still working on collecting my Images and Pictures so i kinda started taking note of a few small things here & there and one of them was just. the general gist of this cover SO LIKE that's why it's so good LOL

forgor the flowers tho. i literally forget everything that isn't a character like immediately BUT OK CUT ME SOME SLACK like after a point the covers start being whole ass scenes which are SO much easier to remember shit abt than the fuckin Green Void (p sure this is the last green void cover tho)

8/10 composition is gr8 but details like the shirt & the yellow flowers are wrong, also the stick is backwards. i literally looked up what that thing is called and forgot already tee hee

OK WE'RE NOT DONE W THE GREEN VOID I REPEAT-

fuck dude. fuck. i rly thought vol 6 was the last one LOL not to spoil but as i was grabbing these images i saw a Preview of what's to come and the green void lasts until fuckign volume TEN LOL collapses onto the ground and dies

so erhermrm this is vol 7 lolllll i remembered the bg flowers this time can u believe hahaha distracts u from the fact that LITERALLY everything else is wrong auhghg

u know what the green void turned into bushes and i think that's beautiful.... like points for creativity on my part tbh. like to be completely honest. 3/10 i got the characters right

YO????? GATE CONFIRMED LET'S GO?????? it's definitely the school gate but i choose to believe natsume & tanuma r in jail for crimes and u should too

actually this is shockingly accurate for how much i goddamn struggled w this one gkjsldkg the CHARACTERS are right the OUTFITS are right SENSEI'S THERE urgh i knew one of these covers had tanuma holding sensei like that but i couldn't remember Which

i can't believe i actually got tanuma's pose that close i rly thought i was bullshitting w that one wtf. +5 points instantly

do u like how i just scribbled sensei wherever lmaoooo i drew natsume & tanuma & went like. i think sensei's in this one. PLOP

6/10 honestly closer than i thought

OK........ I SEE........ literally dies

this one i was getting MASSIVELY confused w vol 4 bc i could remember nothing distinct abt either of them except Green and natsume w Big Doggie

i remembered the BARE essentials of the composition but not much else... since i thought the green void was gone i put the green i remembered into natsume's yukata (and then put him in the school uniform again LOL) and went WELP. GUESS I'LL DIE NOW

2/10 honestly one of the worst fucking ones lskdjflsdkg

OK THIS ONE.... i almost died irl trying to remember this shit, even before i started and i was still viewing the covers i was like there is no way in HELL im remembering this shit for vol 10. and i was right

like. Purple. White Mask. Antlers. WILD layered clothing. at first i drew the mask as an actual deer skull but later had a straight up epiphany and redrew it like that which... still not correct but I MEAN.... IT'S PRETTY GOOD

i cant believe most of the purple is the bg oughgh his clothes are WHITE..... this is fucked up. i DID remember the stick tho, bells and everything!! actually bells and nothing else!!!

7/10 ok it might seem high but CONSIDERING this design..... i think i did shockingly well TBH

NOT...... the worst...... one....... i could've sworn he was sitting on a pile of books this is so sad that woulda been so cute 😭

for a second when i saw the real cover again i thought he was sitting ON the bookshelf and i was about to RIOT but its okay it's a step stool. still physically possible

my version of natsume here is so much more like Proper gksld he looks like a school boy... studying in the academy's library... hardworking student.... but no the real one is just sitting there like a wet puppy orz he's not even READING i rly thought he was reading. this is such a huge L

cannot fucking believe i was right abt the window tho. like wrong shape but the fact that it's even there.... giving myself a whole ass point for that one

5/10 i rly thought i nailed this one gksgndfkj

also RIP TO THE GREEN VOID U WILL NOT BE MISSED o7

ah shit ok. well one of them was in the school uniform at least fjgugjdkf

why is my natsume lying there like hes abt to start a therapy session, boy would NEVER-

also the plushie hmnmhnmhngnf i dont KNOW i knew there was some kind of prop there but like gun to my head i woulda died again. main colors that stood out to me for this were green and that bluish purple so i got those into mine but i mean. well u can see

once again a random window in the bg i got correct let's gooooo 5/10

LMAO SPITS OUT MY DRINK WHOOPSIE!!!!!!

this is so fucking bad im choking im gurgling LOLLLL i was SO sure natsume's paper had an eye on it i was POSITIVE this is so fucked up. i mean obvs i picked that up from sensei but like i didn't even KNOW sensei was there. or that there were bg characters at all uuuuuououohghh (matoba ignored +5)

i was like. black yukata red flowers CHECK piece of paper w eye CHECK horns CHECK i even went back and edited the horns to be more accurate i was so proud of myself sobs

ok but i knew it was shit trasjh when those were the ONLY details i could remember bc obviously there was gonna be more going on I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH MORE.....

straight up dookie/10 no jk fr like 3/10 @ me u need to use ur EYES

OK..... I WAS VERY CONFIDENT ABT THIS ONE..... except for his outfit i knew i was bullshitting that BUT I THOUGHT I NAILED THIS ONE....... the one fucking time i didn't just default to his uniform LMFAO

even remembered the pink flower ball smh and for WHAT. i knew he was sitting in a pile of plushies & blankets or smth but no way in HELL was i even gonna attempt to draw them with a speck of detail. but HEY the plushie i drew for vol 12!!! i knew he existed Somewhere. he doesn't even have a horn tho thats so fucked up i thought he did

obviously the most striking thing abt this cover is the bg w that deep burgundy & the circular window so that was the main thing i nailed down right away (my palette was more muted tho). also natsume sitting there w paper in his mouth but i thought he was mid return when rly hes playing like keep-the-balloon-off-the-floor or whatever the fuck he's doing. i love u natsume

(if i thought he was in the middle of returning a name WHY didn't i include the actual book of friends flksglkd automatic fake fan/10)

8/10 this was like my ace in the hole i was like if i got nothing else i got U volume 14!!! and then

NOT THE FAMILY PHOTO......... FUCKING DIES

man idk shit just end me. whats even going on in this cover im gonna deck u natori. dont ask why this makes me want to commit violence hes just so. URHGHGHnH

i dont know whats happening to me rn looking at this im losing my fucking grip dude who let this happen im gonna hurl this volume into the sun??? i think???

why did i add the other two youkai i just thought they should be included but i played myself i had to draw them from memory and for WHAT. pls tell me i got them at least a little bit right i stg

it's the crossed legts dude if he was just sitting there like a board the way i drew him id be like ah shit it was just natori sitting not natsume too but he just HAS to cross his legs and the fucing elbow propped up holding the glasses im S MAD IM SO MADdestroy him

it's 1am i gotta go. i have to go. right now my mom is calling me i have to fukcng. 4/10 i got the couch colorr right. bye

---

tumglr...... only allows 30 pictures per post..... bc im not on desktop? or is that a site-wide thing now. in any case this is getting long so i think im gonna split it right down the middle into 2 posts so there u go, first 15 volumes. so far my score is ermmm

well i didn't rate the first few volumes.

vol 1: 6/10 decent

vol 2: 6/10 also decent

vol 3: 5/10 composition is Scramboled

vol 4: 2/10 it's SO BAD

so now my overall score is 74/150 fjggudjofjdkgjk doing gr8!!!!!!!!!

ok bye for real ✌️

[dandyshucks]

realizing i wanted to ask - how did u first fall in love w/ guzma (irl) ? :o (@dmclr)

ougghh (/happy) Clara you always ask such good questions omg 🫶

umm... okay so. i should give a general "abuse CW" label i guess fjfkdl but I'll keep it vague and to a minimum of mention! also putting it below the cut because I RAMBLED SO MUCH, SORRY IN ADVANCE

tumblr kind of went crazy for the guy when the anime finally introduced him in 2019 (it took SO long to get to him, over 100 episodes in the su/mo arc 😭) and at first i didnt think much of him rly, but then somehow eventually (a few months later) i found out through osmosis that he's got trauma going on and my ears kind of perked up a bit LOL

(underwater just to set it apart from the rest of the post so it doesnt blend in and get confusing fndkdl) screenshot of the post i rbed where i first mentioned liking him fdsjkl

around the same time, i was having some realizations about my own experiences with childhood and family etc, and there was some other stuff going on in my life (also. the plague started so uh. that too.) that was just kind of culminating in like. A Lot of stress and fear and stuff. so seeing this character who has experienced somewhat similar things was ... comforting in a way? shared experience or something, idk. plus I've always been a sucker for misfit archetype characters, especially if they make a little family out of other misfits :')

another big part of the intrigue (because my crushes always start with a sort of 👀 phase fdsjkl, I have to think somebody is interesting in some way and want to find out More about them, and then feelings develop from there) for me was just the fact that he was Angry. like... the way I've personally learned to deal w abuse has been to always be meek and fawn. so seeing someone who went in the opposite direction, to become angry and strong and defiant instead, was SO fascinating to me and I was very curious to learn more about him.

so I looked into him more, loved what i found, related to him a bit, accidentally by some random occurrence stumbled upon some bf audios of him somehow??, wished he were real so we could hang out, thought about how I'd act around him and started to feel a little flustered about it ... it's all downhill from there once u reach that point smh 😔😔 (/silly)

for a long time i didn't really fully step into s.elfship territory w him - i dabbled a little but he wasnt The Focus™ in my brain yet. also we (as a system) have had a host change since then, so there was a previous juno that was not Me (even though we kept the same main name between us two parts), and they didn't like the guy as much as Current Me does djfkdl - theres also some ... relatively significant personality differences between the two versions of Juno, so I think Juno2.0 (me) meshes with him a lot better now than Juno1.0 did in 2020/2021

and then last year, i found and joined the s.elfship community and um. I absolutely did not mean for him to become The Main Guy and never would've guessed he would be, but... well,, we dont always plan things i suppose, feelings just happen 😭

anyways. it maybe seems kind of messed up but his ~tragic backstory~ is what drew me in initially bc it helped me feel less alone and scared when i was Going Through some pretty major shit lol. and then after that, i just kind of took the character base that pkmn had in place and ran with it to build on it and sort of make my own version of him that I could be friends with and eventually fell in love with ^^;;

TL;DR it was a mix of timing, similar history of abuse, intrigue bc of our opposite reactions to the abuse, and um... the way he is like,, strong and builds a safe place for other young ppl who feel unsafe or not accepted in general society fdsjkl

i get embarrassed talking abt it bc ppl seem to really hate it when abuse victims are weak in any way and need help, but ... i do really like that he is strong in some ways and would be able to give me a sort of safe place to let my guard down and receive help and care (as shown by the way he provides a safe place for the grunts, all the misfits and outcasts of Alola) ^^;;;; honestly kind of a Big part of it for me (and for pretty much all my s.elfship dynamics) is that he is able to protect me and care for me, because I have not like. experienced that ever. at least not properly. when your parents are the ones being abusive, you not only do not experience protection and care but you're also being actively hurt in some way by the people who are supposed to keep you safe. so to be freely given care and safety is kind of crazyyyy to me LOL, that is something i like a lot about him :')

OKAY RAMBLE OVER. i really tried to keep this as short as i could but,, brevity is not a strength of mine (esp when it comes to him) LOL. THANK YOU for the question !!! its fun to look back at how it all happened tbh :]

[radicalhighway]

hey..... im not dead! apologies if i worried anyone. july has been a rough month for me mentally the past couple years or so. ill explain what happened under the cut bc it gets a little personal and a tad ventish. with that being said...

tl;dr: i needed a break bc i was having a bad mental health crash and only intended to be gone a week at most. then shit hits the fan, i blink, and its been a month. im back now, though!

so uh. as stated before, ive been experiencing rough mental health crashes in july the past couple years or so. i tend to act more dodgy and maybe a bit snippier than normal, im not sure why. i only intended to take a week off to recover, but life had other plans i suppose. i ended up getting real busy with changes at work, then got hit w/ the sick + period wombo combo, and if the universe didnt hate me enough already, i got hit with the sickening revelation that i really dont know who i am or what i want. ive been so detached for like 2 years or so at this point. im just cruising through life, letting everyone else decide what i should do next. i dont know my desires or dreams, i just. dont have any goals anymore. im lost, im stuck, im stagnating. i know people say its fine to not know what youre doing and to be lost, but. im genuinely stuck. i dont know what im doing. what i want from my life. who i am as a person. ive just been surviving these past few years and its just. so. exhausting. and discouraging. so im like. trying to discover myself, i guess. im not entirely sure how im going to go about that. all i know is im sick of this all encompassing feeling that im stagnating and permanent state of detachment. im tired of being alone. i want to right my wrongs if at all possible, i want to be better. i just... need to discover myself somehow. i guess.

anyway.

im back now. im very, very sorry for disappearing like that, it was wrong of me to not even update yall on if i was okay or not. im sorry i keep doing things like this. i promise though, this time was not intentional. life just threw some curve balls my way, and a month passed by before i even knew it. ill try my best to not let this happen again, at least not without some pop ins for updates to let yall know im okay.

as an end note. im a scared animal. the thought that theres long, angry messages awaiting me on discord is... discouraging. to say the least. so i may take a bit to work up the courage (and spoons) to face my consequences for my shitty habit and check discord. im also lowkey a little scared ppl are gonna leave me over this nasty ol habit. not to say it wouldnt be warranted, yall have every right to since its a shitty thing for me to keep doing but. still hurts even if deserved. i truly never seem to learn, huh? sick of being alone, but refusing to be vulnerable enough to allow people to help me… crazy.

thank you all for being patient with me, and thinking of me if you did.

cheers

[akaakeis]

sav the terriblest thing has happened......... i joined english coaching.............

okay its not that bad the guy was my ninth grade english teacher and hes kind of a w

i also found out my current english teacher is mentally ill and not one of her students got 90+ in english like..

#notmepls

ANYWAYS

this Means that i shall be offline when ur usually first online during the day on sundays tuesdays and thursdays throws up

ive alr been so busy and i was like omg #textingsav and then i realised we probably wont talk today and also the only time we'll talk is

wait omg no school tmr we WILL talk tmr which will be ur today

the way im just. rambling in ur inbox but its ok bc ur u and im me #neverdoingthisanywhereelse

next thing . wait i forgot im remembering

oKAY remembered 👍 ERM i got like a. 68 on my english test and apparently this mentally ill woman marked it wrong and i shouldve gotten an erm. wait calculating. at least an 88 LIKE GIRL WHAT THE FREAKKKKKKKKK

in other news erm why i cried in the last four days list .

i love my sister

i love my friends

english grade

teacher yelled at me

there was no garlic bread at home

i got disconnected from dti

i didnt want to get up and change

the electricity cut off five times and i couldnt play genshin properly

tumblr wasnt loading

86 eighty-six

hashtag periods i love periods

in other news i also love maths like i WAS a maths girl i AM a maths girlie i will always BE a maths girlie it is THE subject of all time and if anyone disagrees then they're wrong (unless it's u because what can i say. i always agree with cute girls🤷‍♀️)

also like i said id tell you about the smau but literally erm. i forgot.. what was supposed to happen.. i have two lines ill dm them to u or something 😭😭😭😭 WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING ELSE AND THEN I FORGOT IT IM GOING TO SOB.

OH YES spilling school tea

our chem teacher used to tutor this one girl and he flirted with her mom at 1am on wahtsapp and facebook and then his wife divorced him😭😭

this one girl's picture got taken. like a norm picture. and then her bf and some people fought over it. like physically. at coaching. LOL INSANE

english physics and chemistry departments of our school are failing everyone is underpaid and leaving

my english teacher is senile but we mentioned that already i think

ANYWAYSSSS UNINTENTIONAL YAP ASK I LITERALLY JUST CAME HERE TO SAY IM MORE BUSY THAN BEFORE LMFAO. look where we are. oh omg im so #scared #excited #terrified for us w/o u part 2 thats flipping SCARY IM SCARED anyways how are u? feel free to yap in the answers if u do answer it and uhhh take care stay safe love u mwa mwa dm me whenever

LINA MY LOVE!! this is gonna be long i fear. oh dear.... ok so english coaching is not fun good luck with that 😕

well at least the guy is cool ‼️

im sorry but lowkey... #wbk about that one i fear!! I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS A LITTLE MENTALLY ILL? IS THAT JUST ME OR

anyway if u dont get 90+ in english send her my way I WILL FIGHT FOR YOUR GRADE SO HARD you deserve a good grade!!! i can tell you've been putting in the effort + im proud of u!!1!!1!1

NOOOOOO WE WONT BE ABLE TO TALK AS MUCH 🙁 lwt me think so today is thursday and youll be on on mondays wednesdays fridays + saturdays as normal presumably? THATS OKAY i usually wake up latw on thursdays because i sleep late and its a whole mess... i was nearly late this morning harhar ANYWAY POINT BEING WE WILL STILL BE ABLE TO TALK TO WE'LL BE GOOD

girl me too <//3 was so locked in on tuesday you should've seen me writing my article for the magazine + writing out the rest of my speech and finalizing ITS SO BUSY RN ICB IT

these timezones are confusinf me hello i am so lost as i read this! 12 hrs apart w you ahead is all ik regarding this

ANYWAY WE WILL FIND TIME AND WE WILL MAKE IT WORK ITLL JUST TAKE A MINUTE FOR ME TO FIGURE IT OUT

its okay i live laugh love for ur asks actually im sitting in my room smiling as i type out this reply to ur ask... inbox yap hour MY FAV

A 68 IS ACTUALLY INSANE GOODBYE how did she screw up the grade so bad 😭 she can catch these fists for that one LIKE HOW DO U GET IT 20% OFF THIS IS NOT A CLEARANCE SALE MISS!!

HELP all of these reasons are equally valid 😞 periods really get me fucked up fr i think im about to get mine too smh

that is SO valid lina math is honestly a good subject 🙂‍↕️ not my fav but i honestly enjoy the class cause it's 1) simple for me 2) my tablemates are so odd to the point of being hilarious and 3) my teacher is gay and we found his grindr profile so i always giggle when i think about that HAHDBDN so math class is just heaps of fun

NOOOO I WAS SO EXCITED TO HESR ABT THE SMAU U NEED TO SEND ME THE TWO LINES U HAVE SOON!!1!!1!1 STOP I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS BUT IT HAPPENS TO ME SO OFTEN ITS AWFUL

ok THE CHEM TEACHER??? wow okay so thats crazy! HIS WIFE DIVORCING HIM TOO PLEASE SO DESERVED everyone point and laugh!!! L man!!!!

HELP WHY WERE THEY EVEN FIGHTING IF IT WAS JUST A NORMAL PICTURE THATS SO WILD?? 😭 like guys its not that deep </3

WHAT. so like is this hyperbole or is literally everyone going to leave bc of being underpaid and whatnot CAUSE THATS SO BAD 

senility✊😞 what a trooper/j

ITS OKAY I ENJOYED READING ALL OF THAT!!!  PLEASE PRIORITIZE ALL YOUR STUDIES THEYRE THE MOST IMPORTANT <3 I HOPE YOU DONT BURN OUT FROM BEING MORE BUSY THAN BEFORE BC I KNOW I DEFINITELY DID WHEN I HAD VOLLEYBALL.. SO TAKE THINGS EASY AND DONT STRESS YOURSELF TOO MUCH PLEASE!!! ILY ILY ILY!! oh okay so us without me pt 2 is probably gonna be BAD BAD cause it will b talking about how he was actually in love w eden since BEFORE he had moved and all that so itll be extra angst talking about before he had moved 😸 basically timeskips briefly showing how he gives you less and less affection as the time he leaves draws near AHAHAH ITS GONNA BE BAD

+ im alright!!! no homework for once in a blue moon so im sitting here relaxing i feel so good rn <3 i have an iced matcha latte and a cake pop I AM LIVE LAUGH LOVING

so i dont have much to yap about at this moment but i just got back from school SOOOO ill yap about that!!

starting off strong i woke up an hour + 15 mins late and had 20 minutes to get ready and eat... i was almost late this morning BUT i have fitness first thing in the morning on my a-days (we work on an a/b schedule!!) and my teacher always comes late to that!! so i had time to dress down and i BOOKED IT to the weight room + made it!! in that class we basically just do weightlifting + my usual partner wasnt there bc she had a golf tournament... so i was with some of my other friends for lifting!! was kinda thriving bc my other partner usually does heavier weights + they did lighter ones SO I WAS REALLY REALLY FAST W MY SETS i was very proud!!

then i went into second period (i have bio) and we were doing a lab where we examined some cells in onions, tomatoes, + the inside of our cheeks (ew) but basically we had to group up and im not rly fond of one of the girls that r in my group cause she doesn't talk much she just squeezes in to look through the microscope so it annoys me 😞 ANYWAY THE LAB WAS LIGHT WORK GOT IT DONE IN 30 MINS and then i had like an hour of free time after that so i asked for a hall pass and i roamed the halls for a bit 😸 after that i have to go to advisory + i was just helping people w math hw and doing some of the nyt games to kill my boredom (oh and drivers ed stuff!!)

at lunch i was just sitting with some of my friends and playing imessage games with them 😭 then we went into the gym and played volleyball for a bit!!

after lunch i had geo and i was taking notes like a madman i fear... dk if ive said this before but like ohhh man everyone makes a point of telling me how small my hand writing is its so annoying 😭 i heard that three times during class today and i was literally done LIKE STOP LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE ‼️

theeeen i had my speech + debate CLASS not to be confused with my club!! i already finished my oratory so i just played games the entire period 😻 lots of fun would recommend!!! i just hate the teacher cause he's always telling me to go back to my seat WHEN IM HELPING HIS STUDENTS CATCH UP ON WORK like ok! sorry for trying to help you fix the mistakes you made when teaching them how to make their speeches! goodness! my bad! anyway hes my opp 😒

AND THATS MY DAY!! anyway take care stay safe i love you!!! MWAHH <3

[shadowsphere]

Can I request angst! Kishou Arima x reader with a happy ending?

🔮Side by Side ⎯ K. Arima

☽ Featuring: Kishou Arima x gn! Reader

☽ Request? ✓ I scrolled and saw this was in my drafts. Completely forgot. I'm so sorry!!

☽ Includes: angst, fluffy, character death, happy but sad ending, ghouls vs reapers, opposites attract???, enemies to lovers??,, afterlife, Ken Kaneki, wishing for death mention, gn reader, minor trans characters, ftm transition mentioned, inside joke, slow burn, unnecessary background, fearing arima, canon touken, ayato helps train you, owl suppression operation, slow ghoul identity finding, multiple skips around bc it wouldve been longer if i didnt, both of you like each other but dont get together, one adorable kiss, reader jumping into kishou's arms, fighting with ccg, winning but at what cost, One-Eyed King, unrealistic fight but its cool to think about, loosely based off a scene in naruto, not even dialogue bc i suck at it, hand holding but not really, reincarnation????

☽ Synopsis: You were both supposed to grow old together, yet here you two are, wasting away on the battlefield, revenge for who you two were.

☽ A/n: I included a trans character just so that I can get some practice in writing for a trans character. I hope that's okay. Also, please don't be afraid to recommend trans! reader stories as well as male! reader stories, I want to gain experience writing them.

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This wasn't supposed to happen.

This war should have ended before it started, but that could be wishful thinking. This was bound to happen, it was the fine print of your jobs. Perhaps you two were just too selfish and the universe noticed. Maybe these were your punishments for all the things you've done.

Maybe it was just a nightmare. A really long nightmare that neither of you could wake up from. Anything was better than real life at this moment, and you two were forced to watch each other. Forced to manage the pain each was going through.

This wasn't punishment. It was torture.

But let's start from the beginning.

Kishou Arima, CCG's Reaper. Despite his job being to kill ghouls, he was on their side. He even took up a secret identity to fight alongside ghouls. Something he's regretting in his current timeline.

Y/n, a newly turned ghoul. You were constantly afraid of what you could do to others who didn't deserve to be attacked. But you cared less about attacking people who deserved it but were still scared of fear of getting tortured by investigators.

Before we get into how you met, let's get deeper into your story.

You hung out with Ken Kaneki a lot, you both were baby ghouls. You gave each other a lot of strength, both constantly going through the shock and hatred of what's happened to yourselves. Unlike Kaneki, you didn't know when or who turned you into a ghoul, you just remember one day getting worrying thoughts and urges.

You and Kaneki met when he was on a mission to kill ghouls in the area. He had stumbled across you while you were curled into a ball, noticeably crying. When Kaneki reached out to touch the shaking person in front of him, you flinched away and looked up at him with frightened eyes. The way you looked at the time made

Kaneki feel like they were a victim attacked by a ghoul that got away.

This leads to a weird dynamic between the two. Kaneki would take care of you, while you constantly pushed him away. You didn't want to hurt the person keeping you safe and would rather Kaneki forgot about you and left. But Kaneki was too nice.

You tried to run away multiple times.

The moment you learned that Kaneki was an investigator, you feared the moment he would find out what you were. You didn't want Kaneki to hate you for never mentioning that you were a ghoul. Plus you were conflicted with yourself. You constantly cursed the universe for letting this happen to you and wished for someone to kill you, yet feared being killed by an investigator.

Maybe this was the first act of selfishness. They need to be alive but want to be dead.

Kaneki did find out about you being a ghoul of course. He again was on a mission. He had heard that there was a ghoul out of control, eating and attacking any humans they would see. Kaneki knew these to be signs of either a newly turned ghoul or a ghoul who fought against their urges. Kaneki always hated killing those types, but they were dangerous to the world, and they needed to die.

It was deja vu.

He went through an alleyway. He immediately recognized you. But he didn't focus on that long. He noticed a lot of blood on you and your clothes. It looked like you were dunked overhead with blood. Behind you, he saw a pile of bodies and instantly connected the dots. He hoped it wasn't what it looked like, but from the tears on your face and the flesh around your mouth, he knew you did this.

"Y/n.." The sad tone in his voice made the tears fall. You crouched down and started crying into your knees, the scene reminding him of when you first met. The gut-wrenching screams of regret and hatred were loud, causing even more hesitation in Kaneki. He understood why you two met the way you did. You were scared of yourself and crying. He understood you pushing him away, you were protecting him.

This one time. This one ghoul. You broke him. He could kill any ghoul without a second thought. But because he knew you, because he knew you weren't dangerous and that you didn't want to be, he couldn't kill you.

Kaneki walked to you and crouched down, engulfing you in the tightest hug that you could muster. He felt you immediately grab hold of him and cry harder. Maybe out of disbelief that he's hugging you. Kaneki's eyes were focusing hard on the dead bodies in front of him now that he was looking over your shoulder. The bodies ranged from kids to old people.

None of them were completely finished. Kaneki's hand went up to the back of your head and pushed you against his shoulder. He didn't know, but he could guess that you tried so hard to stop yourself from completely killing them, but the urges got the better of you. Kaneki looked at your still crying form, deciding that he could lie this one time.

After this event, Kaneki allowed you to meet the Kirishima siblings. He had explained to you that they helped him control his urges as much as possible because he was exactly like you, he didn't want to eat human flesh. Hearing that not only was Kaneki a ghoul, but he also used to be in the same position as you. This gave you the confidence to trust the Kirishima siblings.

It's been 15 years since.

Even though some people get over being a ghoul in a few years, you were just now getting to the point where you were okay with it. It's mainly due to the fact that you had to work through the trauma of the screams of kids and families. Every day, you were plagued with those images, finding it hard to move on when you took their lives just because you were hungry. You still have the guilt, but you've constantly been going to their graves and paying your respects. You were the colors and mask of a swan, but unlike the animal, you repelled others.

Maybe it was the uncertainty you gave everyone who didn't know you. Your uncertainty increased oddly enough, not because you were displeased with who you were, but because you didn't know what type of ghoul you were. Ayato Kirishima would constantly say that you're possibly a Ukaku like him, but there was no evidence to prove that.

Still, you trained just in case.

However, you and Kaneki stopped hanging around each other for some time. It was rare for you to see him and if you did, he would instantly leave. At first, you were completely confused as to why and no one wanted to tell you what was happening. But you ended up getting over it due to how busy you were getting as well.

You spent a lot of time with the Kirishima siblings, especially Touka, who you realized had a bit of a schoolgirl crush on Kaneki. She and you grew close due to your relationships with Kaneki and would always be found laughing together. On some days, you both would get together to mutually worry about Kaneki.

Today was the same thing.

You were helping Touka out at the Anetiku, a routine you were used to doing after training. You were a stand-in waitress, and currently, you served a middle-aged man and his teenager, your last customers. The teenager seemed to have a mixture of interests from what you could tell. They had hair that was split but in an oddly satisfying way. Their hair was black on one side but dyed multiple colors on the other.

Their clothes were the same. They had on black pants but a very colorful top. Their accessories were a mixture of black and colorful. You could tell that the teenager was going through a self-discovery of who they were and what they liked. Any time you went to their table for their orders, you would unconsciously catch some parts of their conversation.

Something you felt very guilty about and tried hard to block out so that you weren't imploring on a sensitive topic.

You caught sentences like "I don't know who I am yet", "Dad how did you make your transition from female to male confidently", and "I don't even know if I want to transition." You were able to work out that the teenager was transgender and was seeking reassurance from their father, who went through the same process.

You hoped that at the end of their journey, they would be happy with what they decided on who they should be. You went through the same process of accepting who you were and it wasn't easy, so you hoped they had a good support system. You knew the duo knew you heard their conversation, but since you showed no ignorant reaction, they felt comfortable.

When they two got up to leave, they gave you a smile. You smiled back, wishing that you could've done something in order to show how supportive you were but didn't want to be too pushy. Touka noticed the interaction and looked at you, her voice teasing despite the monotone. "You look like they offered for you to join their family."

The sentence caused you to immediately laugh. "Is that what that looked like?" You were laughing hard, amusing Touka with the wheezing escaping you. She lived to make you wheeze, and you always delivered.

"I hear wheezing, and I know it's not the teapot." You and Touka looked to the entrance and saw Kaneki walking in, a smile on his face. He was followed behind by another person. This person was completely covered. You couldn't even see a small amount of skin. The person was making sure that no one could identify who they were.

Your eyes went from the mysterious to Kaneki who was smiling at you. You rolled your eyes playfully, "The first thing you do is make fun of me after ten thousand years of not seeing you." Touka covered her smile with her hand, finding it amusing how you exaggerated sometimes. Touka walked to Kaneki and hugged him. The hug was awkward, only because they both liked each other but didn't want to mention it to one another.

You couldn't see Touka's face, but you could see Kaneki's, and the blush on his face amused you. You watched as they hugged, completely forgetting that they aren't alone. A sound came from the mysterious person that came with Kaneki. He had cleared his throat, feeling awkward about what he was forced to witness. Kaneki and Touka pushed each other away, unable to look each other in the eyes now.

You snorted automatically and immediately covered your nose, expecting Kaneki to mention it. He didn't disappoint. The moment the sound came from you, he looked at you with a teasing glint in his eyes. "You better not." "Better not what piggy?" You glared at Kaneki and he only shrugged, but you knew he wasn't done. Not with how he was smirking at you.

"Though, I'm surprised I didn't have to bribe you for you to oink for me like I usually do." The immediate laugh that sentence got out of you made Kaneki cocky. He knew how much you loved any mention of any inside jokes you have with each other.

This inside joke was made when you two were extremely sleep-deprived at three am but still hung out. You two didn't understand how y'all got there, but you two started to talk about turns on and turn-offs. The conversation led to both of you snorting out of laughter at the ridiculous things you were saying, but Kaneki took the award for the most outrageous sentences said. "Imagine if your partner asked you to oink for them because it turned them on."

Safe to say that it made your life so much better after that.

Kaneki walked behind the counter and hugged you quickly then let you go. You wanted to make a joke about him hugging you like he didn't want to, yet held on to Touka so much longer, but you knew that would make them awkward. So instead, you just pinched his side and focused on making sure that no other customers were getting ready to come in.

With Kaneki here, that meant he found something out.

Touka went to the bathroom and knocked, trying to see if someone was in there still. Since there weren't any sounds from the bathroom, Touka gave you a thumbs-up. You went to the door and locked it. You closed the blinds on one side of the room, while Touka closed the blinds on the other.

You two finished making sure no one could see or hear inside the cafe. Then you went to go sit at a booth, Touka going over to make drinks and food for everyone. Kaneki and his guest sat across from you, and while you three waited, the conversation started.

"Kishou-sama, you can take everything off now. You're safe here. No one is gonna report you." Kaneki addressed the man next to him and smiled. The person next to Kaneki started to remove his clothing. First, he started with his white gloves, revealing the bony but veiny hands he had. His fingers were long but elegant. After, the large, bulky coat he had on came off next. He had on a white coat, which you found weird because that makes him unnecessarily hot.

But now you could see the black shirt he had underneath the coat. Then the white scarf around his neck came off, revealing that the black shirt was actually a turtleneck. Then he moved on to the mask that completely covered his face. The moment he took it off you were surprised to see a face that you only saw in photos.

His hand went up to push his glasses up his nose as he got comfortable. He had put all the articles of clothing onto the ground, clearing up space for everyone to be comfortable. You didn't show a visual reaction, you felt it would've been rude if you did. Instead, you panicked in your head. You didn't understand why a well-known investigator was buddy-buddy with a ghoul.

His gray, visibly bored eyes landed on you. It was like he could sense that you were panicking. He showed no reaction, he just nodded his head in greeting and then looked back at Kaneki.

When Touka came back and put the drinks and food on the table and got settled in, the meeting started. Kaneki and Kishou explained the reason for their visit and how Touka and you needed to inform all the ghouls you possibly could. The CCG was planning an attack and everyone needed to be ready.

Maybe you should've known Kishou would become a prominent figure in your life after that.

Kaneki would start to come back around, he said he was getting ready for the amount of fighting there would be. You were unsure about that, still unsure of your ghoul type. Along with Kaneki, Kishou also started to come around a lot. He couldn't come as much as Kaneki because he couldn't let his identity be found out, but he still would.

His attitude towards you and Touka never changed. He stayed professional and distant. It was understandable though, he couldn't get close, and it could ruin everything he worked for. Touka started to tease you about Kishou though. Maybe your lingering gazes of fear could be seen as gazes of attraction.

It wasn't like Arima wasn't attractive, you were just too plagued with the fear that one day he's gonna kill everyone. No matter how many times Kaneki said "He regrets killing the ghouls he killed. He's on our side", you couldn't fully believe that.

But the universe was funny. It gives you something just to take it away.

Ayato had told you that he couldn't help you train one day. He was too busy trying to prepare with everyone in the Aogiri Tree. He needed to make sure that everything was okay, but he wouldn't allow you to train alone. He mentioned that someone would help you train, but didn't say who.

It was a good thing he didn't say. You wouldn't have gone if he did. You remember entering your training room and seeing Kishou sitting down. He was peaceful. When you got closer, you noticed that his eyes were closed. You looked towards the door, thinking of skipping out on training this one time, but he noticed.

"Oh. You're here." His smooth but cold voice made you scared. You watched as he stood up to his full height. "I was told to help train you. You don't know what kind of ghoul you are right? Kirishima said that you could be a Ukaku." You just nodded along, looking at the exit. You knew that you wouldn't make it if you run, but the thought was tempting.

Kishou started to take off his white coat, something you noticed he always wore. He folded it and put it on the ground neatly far from you. He started to roll up the sleeves of his turtle neck.

Was it too late to run? He looked as if he could easily take you out. But still, you reluctantly got ready to train. Usually, you were confident and aggressive, but now you were timid. Kishou knew it was because you feared him as an investigator, halfway through the training session, he stood up straight.

He let out a sigh. "We won't get anywhere if you continue to fear me. If I wanted to kill you, I would've already done it. But we don't have time for you to be acting like this. So, either get over your fear or live in fear and die."

You weren't mad. You weren't even sad. What he said was completely valid. You were putting yourself at risk of dying just because you fear him. Plus training with an actual investigator would teach you what you need to know. Instead of losing fear, you used your fear of him for good.

When you two started training again, he noticed how intense you were and could only nod his head in approval. He was better than you, but you were still learning a lot.

It became a ritual.

You two would train together since Ayato was constantly busy. Especially now that Kishou has revealed the name of the operation, Owl Suppression Operation, and the full details of what the operation was. You were getting no closer to discovering your ghoul identity. You showed constant frustration with this, even though everyone repeatedly said to be patient and to wait.

You just felt useless. Again, the universe is cruel. In your time of feeling like you were a burden, Kishou was there for you. He would enter Anteiku and awkwardly ask you to sit with him. At first, you would look at him weirdly and decline. It seemed that when you declined, he would let out a breath of relief and get up to leave.

By that, you knew he was set up by someone to give you company against his will. But the sight of him being happy to not deal with you rubbed you the wrong way, even though you knew he would act the same to everyone else. So, you started to accept his invitations.

You would instantly regret the decision once you two were surrounded by awkwardness. He was distantly cold, and you hated that. So after ten minutes, you would get up and go back to work. Every time, you saw how he would be less tensed up. Maybe he just genuinely hated interaction that couldn't be calculated or controlled by him.

But an odd thing started to happen.

His silent and distant company did wonders. You started to feel more comfortable with him. His behavior was a break from everyone constantly questioning you or reassuring you. He was content, well kind of, with letting you sit down and didn't bother bringing up anything you worried about.

Maybe this was where the universe noticed that it made a mistake. You didn't know when, or how, but you craved Kishou's company over anyone else's. Instead of him asking you to sit with him, you started to ask him to keep you company. Of course, it threw him off. He was surprised you wanted to stay around him, but he allowed it, deciding that it wasn't that bad. Plus your presence was barely there.

What a lie that was.

You started to talk. He remembers being deep in thought, wondering how the plan against the CCG would work when you started talking. "Kishou, when did you find out your type?" Kishou was caught off guard, but it didn't show. He looked at you, noticing how interested you were. He also knew this probably had something to do with ghoul types.

He cleared his throat, keeping eye contact with you. "I don't know. It just happened." He noticed how your head hit the table, making a thud. You groaned out in frustration, sick and tired of being uncertain. "I noticed that you were a swan mask usually. Shouldn't that help you figure out what you should possibly go for?" Your mouth opened in surprise. Why didn't you think of that?

"Kishou, you're a genius. Swans have wings, and Ukaku has wings. Is that why Ayato was always saying I would be an Ukaku?" His mouth lifted up into a tiny smile, amused that you were making what he said seem like it was philosophical. "How do I become an Ukaku?" "You can't control what you become, it just happens. Maybe that's why you haven't found out what you are. You've been trying too hard to do it yourself and not let the Rc cells do their job."

Something that would never change, is how much you hate that Kishou is almost never wrong. He never fails to give a realistic answer and make you realize that you're just being an idiot for never figuring it out yourself. You know he never means to do that, but he always gives such simple explanations and you curse yourself for struggling to figure that out.

Due to that, and the date of the operation getting closer and closer, you stopped focusing on your ghoul type and started focusing on other things. Like you staring at Kishou too long. Touka and Kaneki team up to tease you about it, but you can't help it. His hair oddly complimented his pale skin. It was entrancing to see and made him look ethereal.

Sometimes you wanted to see how he would look with his hair pushed back, but that was the only thing that really held your attention. His hair was pretty and that really was it, no matter what Touka and Kaneki said.

Kishou wasn't stupid. He noticed how you looked at him. But he also could read the signs, knowing you weren't attracted to him. So he just let you be. Though, he couldn't help but get a little happy whenever you celebrated getting a tiny victory over him. It surprisingly caused him a lot less stress than you being worried over anything.

Maybe Kishou only noticed your staring because he stared as well.

He found it interesting how you would make weird sounds whenever you laughed or when you lost balance due to laughing too hard. He was amused with your questions about him, sometimes the questioning not making sense. They varied from "Do you ever wonder if you're getting old? You know, with your hair being white." to "How come you have different Kagune's like Kaneki? Are you two related?"

It was weird how many times you asked about the connection between him and Kaneki. Your reason was mainly that they both had too many similarities. You would accuse them of being long-lost brothers despite them proving that they had no connection to each other.

That's when he should've realized.

He was so focused on everything and everyone else, that he couldn't see his own growing feelings. He should've noticed that his guard was being let down. He let out laughs and smiles more in your company, yet he didn't realize that. He got too caught up and realized when it was too late.

Maybe it was punishment for taking too long.

Soon you both started being weird. You would stop hanging around Kishou, finding it awkward. No, awkward isn't the right word, you found it rude. Kishou was helping you anytime he could, and here you were gaining feelings. Slowly, but surely. It was immediately noticed.

Ayato first noticed it, but only because you allowed him to. He remembers being at the Anteiku and eating when you suddenly sat down across from him. He saw how nervous and desperate you seemed and sighed, knowing you weren't gonna let him decline anything you asked. "Come back to training me please."

Ayato nodded instantly, which shocked you. He noticed the shock and only shrugged "I don't feel like hearing you constantly whine. But why do you want me to do it? You were perfectly fine with Arima weren't you?" He notice you flinch at the sound of the name and rolled his eyes. He knew what this meant. He had to deal with it when Kaneki first realized he liked Touka.

"I don't want to know." Ayato stood up, completely losing his appetite. He didn't need to or have to deal with any more people being into each other, but not making any moves.

You would've been hurt if he didn't just grant your wish. He could be grumpy all he wants, he gave you what you want.

The next person to realize what was happening was Touka. Every time Kaneki and Kishou would come into the cafe, suddenly you were ducked behind the counter and asking her not to expose you. There were multiple times when she almost did, but she was a good friend. Though as for revenge for making her hide you, she would find multiple reasons to say Kishou's name when you least expected it.

You would be taking orders and here comes Touka. She would whisper in your ear, making it seem like she's telling you something about the cafe in front of the customers but really she's just saying "Kishou was breathing earlier." Yes, she made sure that it never made sense. She just loved to see you in the same situation you made fun of her and Kaneki for.

Speaking of Kaneki, he didn't notice your behavior. Either he was too busy to notice or he was too focused on Touka. However, you guessed Touka revealed to him your steadily growing feelings for Kishou. At first, Kaneki didn't believe her, but he was instantly convinced.

There was another meeting being held, this time all of the Aogiri Tree members were present. The discussion was being held about any final adjustments to be made. However, Kaneki noticed how your eyes kept drifting to a highly focused Kishou. He watched as your eyes traveled from his hair to his hands, the process of getting there being stopped occasionally by you getting distracted by his other features.

However, he also noticed something no one else could see. He saw how Kishou was tense. He was always tense, but never this much. Kaneki instantly knew that Kishou knew that you were looking at him. But he didn't seem tense because he disliked it. Kishou was known for being honest and blunt about what he didn't like, and this would be no different.

Kaneki knew Kishou liked it enough to not tell you to stop. He could only smirk as he came up with a way to tease you. He didn't stall on that either. The moment the meeting was over and everyone went back to where they needed to go, Anteiku was filled with only you, Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato.

You were cleaning up the tables like you were supposed to while Touka threw away the trash. You two just automatically split the chores, something that was learned after months of the same routine. Kaneki didn't care though. He leaned against the table, much to your dismay. "Ken. Get off the table, I'm cleaning." You stuck your tongue out at him as you spoke, but he didn't automatically respond.

Usually, he gave you a witty remark, but he didn't, which worried you more than you cared to admit. Though that care instantly drained when he opened his mouth. "No matter how much you clean, your reflection won't change. It, unfortunately, can't capture the look of hopeless pining." You froze while you cleaned the table. You continued to stare at the table, seeing your reflection wasn't helping.

The Kirishima siblings lost interest in what they were doing and focused on you and Kaneki. This was the first time your noticeable feelings for Kishou were mentioned, and you were obviously taking it bad. "....What are you talking about?" Kaneki stood up straight, noticing your unmoving body. He had two options: poke fun at you or be a nice friend.

For once, he would choose the former.

"After all this time and years of poking fun of me and Touka. Calling it a schoolgirl crush. Now, here you are. Crushing on someone just like a schoolgirl crush." Ayato had covered his mouth, not wanting to let you hear him laughing at you. Your hands were clenched into fists. Kaneki was right. This was your karma for all that you've done.

You sighed, letting your eyes land on Kaneki. He saw the sadness and disbelief in you and could only sigh before patting your head. "Well I can tell you one thing, he's noticed but he doesn't hate it." That caught your attention, but Kaneki only started to walk away. "Wait! Hold on! Come back!" Kaneki only waved at you, leaving like he didn't just drop a bombshell on you.

Well, now you have a lot to think about.

Kishou was thinking a lot around this time as well. He was constantly working but wasn't focused. Something that everyone noticed but decided not to mention for fear of what he might say. His task, with Kaneki, was to sabotage anything that the CCG had prepared for the operation. Currently, he was unable to effectively do it, causing a lot of frustration in his partner in crime.

"Are you that emotionally constipated that you're struggling with your own?" Kishou looked over at Kaneki who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. It was silent between them for a little, Kaneki realizing that Kishou barely understood anything. "Never mind." A big, dramatic sigh escaped Kaneki, but he went back to what he was doing.

Kishou followed suit, not entirely concerned with what was said. Though, he should've been. Maybe he could've stopped a disaster before it even started.

Kishou started to notice that he only ever trained with you now. He couldn't and didn't want to train with anyone else. He didn't understand why. He always gave the excuse of "Sorry, I need someone that's actually challenging" but that wasn't true about you. You were the weakest person he knew, and he didn't gain anything from training with you, but he still declined every invitation.

If you couldn't train, he wouldn't train at all. Kishou noticed this only when many CCG members started to complain openly that he was mocking them. He, of course, showed that he wasn't surprised by this information, but on the inside, it didn't make sense. Why did he train with you but no one else?

Kishou also noticed how he would occasionally look over your body. Before, he used to do it because he needed to asses what you should work on for the session. Now, he has no reason to, especially not in the middle of the session. Yet, he still does it and he knows you know because you would get awfully quiet and wouldn't look him in the eyes. Is he making you feel the way you make him feel when you stare at him? If so, why doesn't he hate that?

Why does he continue to do it, despite knowing how you're gonna react? He would subconsciously tell himself that it was because he enjoyed your reaction, but he wouldn't accept that. It was out of character for him. However, he knew that every time he did it, he would be smirking a little.

He remembers Ayato telling him to admit that he likes you to himself. Ayato sounded extremely tired of everything, and seemingly "Your unawareness that you like Y/n and their inability to completely accept that they like you is stressing me out more than preparations." was the main cause of it. Ayato had started to walk away after that, mumbling that he needed to sleep.

Kishou, weeks after that, continuously contemplated over if he really did like you. He thought he was exempt from experiencing romantic feelings. It was something he was okay with, but having romantic feelings was completely out of his expertise. Luckily, since preparations were coming to a close on both sides, Kishou had time to himself to think about everything.

He finally accepted the reality that he did have some sort of feelings for you, but there was no time for romance, especially on a battlefield. That's what he said, but he sang a different tune two days away from the start of a war.

He had visited the Aogiri Tree for the last time. He was walking around and getting details about any last-minute adjustments made. But his task was interrupted by the scream of his name. "KISHOU!" Kishou turned around and saw you running to him, smiling in absolute delight.

He liked your smile more than he could've thought. These feelings enhanced his attraction to you the more you did normal things like smile or speak. He was fed up with it, but didn't mind it. Kishou bowed at the people he was previously talking to and walked up to you to meet you halfway. Here he goes again, putting you above everyone else instantly.

You didn't stop running. Actually, you ran past him, but grabbed onto his arm and dragged him in the direction of your training room. "I have to show you something really cool!" Usually, he would protest getting pulled like this, but he allowed you.

Again, feelings were weird. Is this why people call it a weakness?

Kishou stayed silent and just accepted his fate. Once you got into the training room, you closed the door and started to push him away from you. Kishou didn't say anything, just watched. As he watched, he watched something incredible happen. Maybe it was just incredible because it was you.

He saw wings start to take form near your shoulders. His mouth dropped in shock. You were taking the form of an Ukaku right in front of his eyes with the happiest smile on your face. Once the wings fully formed, you two made eye contact and he could see happy tears start to form. His face shifted into one of pure happiness for you, his small smile meaning the world to you.

"It finally happened, huh? When did it?" He watched as you floated and spun around the room, gleefully laughing. He stood standing, watching as you finally enjoyed your ghoul identity. "It happened weeks ago, but you weren't here to see. Ayato's been teaching me how to fight as an Ukaku. I was running when I heard you were in the area and I needed to show you!"

Kishou watched as you got back onto the ground and your wings started to disappear. He didn't think anyone could pull off being an Ukaku as beautifully as you. 'But that's biased thinking.' He thought to himself. Kishou watched as your excitement rose again, but he wasn't ready for what you were gonna do.

You jumped onto him, hugging him tightly. He didn't stumble, but he was caught off guard. He just wrapped his arms around you confused and hugged back. You pulled away from the hug slightly and smiled at him, causing nerves to flow through him a little. "Thank you Kishou for telling me something extremely simple that actually helped me. Oh and also for training with me all those months."

Kishou only nodded. He couldn't focus on anything around him or what you were saying. Your eyes shone bright, happiness completely filling them. Your arms were around his neck, holding him like he truly saved your life. But what has his attention the most, was your lips that showed him smiles because he did something right.

Maybe it was okay for a little romance. He could indulge a little in his wants for once. Then after the fight, you two could talk about it more. But would you be okay with that? Ayato's words from weeks ago replay in his head, reminding him that you did in fact like him.

Maybe he should. He would regret it if he didn't.

Without even thinking, Kishou connected your lips. Your eyes widened from the sudden kiss but stayed wide due to the softness of how he was kissing you. Your eyes slowly closed, kissing him just as softly as he was kissing you. The kiss was delicate, representing the feelings you had for each other.

You pulled away from each other. His glasses were a little foggy, causing you to laugh. You took his glasses off his face and wiped them clean with your shirt. Before you put them on his face, you looked at him and admired his beauty without his glasses. For Kishou, all he could see was a blurry image, but he could feel that you were smiling at him.

His clear vision came back as you put them back on his face and your hands went down to his cheek, caressing him as gently as you kissed. The air around you two was a soft blanket of hope.

But that blanket would soon be ripped off of you, exposing you to the harsh and cold reality of the world. Because here you two were on the battlefield. He was appearing as the One-Eyed King, fighting against the most powerful CCG members while you were in the air, fighting against the weaker ones.

Everyone was fighting with their blood, sweat, and tears. Everyone would get back up after getting knocked down repeatedly. But the thunder that struck signaled a change in the war. At first, the ghouls had the upper hand. But then the CCG started to gain it.

All around you were the screams of excruciating pain. Ghouls were falling back to back. Sure the number of ghouls was overpowering, but the numbers were quickly falling. No one understood what was happening, and Kishou was also confused. But still, the fight continued, and the ghouls attack more ferociously than before. They mutually agreed that whatever was taking out the ghouls needed to be taken out fast.

You were fighting effectively in the air, the training with Ayato helping you out. But something went wrong. One of your wings got attacked, but instead of being unharmed, it completely disappeared. You let out a yelp, having only one wing barely keeping you in the air. But that wing also got attacked, disappearing like its pair.

You started falling, and fast.

Kishou was fighting but he kept an eye on you. When he saw you falling to the ground, he overpowered his opponent and ran to you, trying to catch you. It was wishful thinking. The world was too nice, it gave him multiple things in life, but he was sick of it. It now wanted to take instead.

He felt something thrust into his stomach. He looked down and saw a massive hole. He could feel himself start to change back. He looked back to see who attacked him and saw a smug-looking CCG member. The smugness of the member dissolved when Kishou was revealed to be the One-Eyed King. It was placed with betrayal. Kishou didn't have time to deal with this. He needed to catch you.

He just kept running to you. He caught you in his arms, you were curled up in fear. You opened your eyes and saw Kishou holding you and you smiled. He put you on your feet. He wanted to ask about your rings but for now, he would go back to the fight. He tried to change back into the One-Eyed King but he couldn't.

His eyebrows furrowed. But then he realized. The CCG was planning on making weapons that could cancel out a ghoul's RC cells, meaning they couldn't use their abilities anymore. They said it wouldn't get finished in time for this operation, so he stopped worrying about it.

He let his guard down. People were telling the truth feeling were a weakness.

"I can't believe Kishou Arima, our reaper, is on the side of the ghouls. This ghoul here, you care for them." Kishou glared at the CCG member. He could take him even without the RC cells. But what he didn't expect was to hear you scream. Kishou immediately turned around to see you on the ground. He saw that another CCG member had attacked you, making sure that you couldn't use your RC cells either.

He wanted to run towards the member who attacked you, but he was grabbed by another. They held him by his neck, and Kishou could've fought them off, but what he was told made him stop. "If you struggle, they die right in front of your eyes."

Yeah. Feelings and emotions were a weakness.

He was forced to watch you struggle to move, your body not used to not having any RC cells anymore. You were basically a normal human despite the ghoul trait to you. It was definitely causing you to have a small crisis. He saw someone step over him, noticing that the CCG member was smirking at him. They grabbed you by your chin and lifted your face up so that you and Kishou could see each other.

He saw the tears in your eyes, your body in more pain than he could imagine. Kishou was half-human, so his RC cells being taken wasn't a big deal, but it was different for you. "This is your punishment for being a two-faced rat." Kishou's eyes widened. They planned to kill you either way but wanted to take it slowly instead of having to speed it up.

Kishou immediately started struggling, much to the delight of the CCG member holding him. Kishou was wrong though. They weren't planning on killing just you. He found that out while struggling. It was easier to kill Kishou since he was still human. Getting rid of him now would mean they could get rid of a powerful force.

It was instant.

It was like nothing changed. Kishou starts gurgling. The blood was pooling up in his throat as it flowed out from the cut on his throat. He felt the grip of the CCG member loosen and he stumbled forward. He almost fell over while holding his hand to the cut.

He wondered how he looked to you. He wondered how scared and traumatized you were. But he didn't have to wonder, he heard you scream again. He instantly knew they attacked you for good. His vision was blurry, due to the fast blood loss, but he tried to reach out to you. He was dying, but he could save you couldn't he? He's done impossible things before.

He could save you with his last dying breath.

His body didn't agree. The moment he took one step, he immediately fell to the ground. His hearing was leaving him, but he could still hear the sounds of battle. What he couldn't hear was your breathing. They made sure to kill you quickly, but left him suffering. That's what he thought.

He felt a body next to his. He immediately knew it was you, but he couldn't see. He didn't even know how he got here. He must look ridiculous, he was bleeding out but all he cared for was you. He should've stuck to the fact that romance didn't work out. He put too many people in danger and with him losing himself but also you, he cursed himself for letting it get to this point.

You were looking up at the sky, or at least what you thought was the sky. Your hand was on what used to be a stomach, the CCG members had made sure to put a hole big enough through you. It was painful, but you would die faster. It felt weird, you were too used to feeling flesh, but there was nothing. Your eyes closed, and you lost your senses faster than Kishou. You didn't feel when he touched you or when he held your hand. Even he couldn't really feel it.

The universe was cruel, it gave and gave until it took. It took a massive chunk.

No one knew you two were dead on the ground. Everyone was too focused on the fighting. The ghouls felt a weird need to fight hard for some reason. Their fighting allowed them to win. The CCG members had started to retreat and the ghouls celebrated. But the celebration was cut short.

Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato went to go look for you. They wanted to congratulate you on overcoming everything you went through, but they soon realized it wasn't gonna happen.

The trio noticed you first. Kaneki had to cover his mouth so that he didn't throw up at the sight of your body. Touka wasn't bothered by how you looked, but tears were streaming down her face. Ayato wasn't as emotional as them. He was more curious about the person next to you. He crouched down and saw how Kishou looked.

It looked like he got the easier death, but he suffered by living longer than you. His eyes trailed down to your hands and sighed. The feelings you two held were finally accepted, yet accepted too late.

The war was won, but at what cost?

The next months after that, your funeral was being held. Kaneki cried loud and hard, he was on his knees the whole time and no one could lift him up. Touka cried into Ayato's arms, her emotions finally catching up to her. The rest of the ghouls mourned the loss of the One-Eyed King and Ayato? He cried with Touka, but he cried silently. After the service, you two were buried together. The reason being "They couldn't be together when alive, but they can be together eternally in death."

It's been years since you both died. Touka and Kaneki finally got together. Kaneki became the new One-Eyed King. Things were changing, but what never changed was the anniversary of your deaths and how every ghoul would mourn on that day.

Kaneki had decided to get new pets one day. He wanted cats since they could take care of themselves really without him being there. It would get lonely whenever he and Touka were doing separate things. They both spoke about how if the other isn't there, they started to think about you and Kishou.

So to cure that, pets were brought up, specifically cats. Kaneki had wanted to get cats from a shop, but he noticed two that were strays and that got his attention. One was an orange tabby, and the other was a completely white cat. He had brought them home, and even though Touka got angry, she allowed him to keep them as long as they were trained.

Kaneki quickly learned that the white cat didn't really care what happened. He's never seen the cat play with any of the cat toys bought and didn't respond to any affection. Yet, this exact same cat was always behind the orange tabby. It took a protective and possessive stance around the other cat and would hiss whenever Kaneki or Touka got close to the orange tabby.

With the cat's attitude, Kaneki and Touka settled on calling the white cat Ari, a shorter version of Arima. The cat reminded them of Kishou, and even though it brought some tough emotions, it made them happy. It felt like Kishou never left.

The orange tabby was a little shy around random humans, but once it warmed up to people, it would show exactly how chaotic it was. A couple of times, Touka saw the orange tabby run into multiple walls while trying to run away from Kaneki. Kaneki has caught the orange tabby playfully fighting with Ari, who never truly attempted to play with the other, but dealt with it.

Kaneki called the orange tabby Teapot, it reminded him of Y/n and one thing that Kaneki always remembered about Y/n is the teapot laugh they had.

So what if they both died? They obviously resurrected, and found each other again, but also found Kaneki again. That was something Kaneki would constantly tell him so many times, but it helped him grieve. It also didn't help that whenever he had that thought, the Ari and Teapot would come out of nowhere and stare at him.

They never left, and they would never leave.

[bunnihearted]

‧₊˚ ☽ ⋅

it all keeps going round and round in my head. i think about it constantly and im really trying not to, but i just cant stop ruminating and obsessing about it. i go over it again and again and again in my head. i could've done things different; but that's easy to say now that i have received more context that i didnt have then. plus i was in a certain space concerning my fear of letting ppl close and all of my issues regarding that. i really tried so hard but it takes time.... that's just how i am. and i dont blame anyone for not finding me worth enough to wait it out. at the same time... it doesnt really take years and years, it mostly doesnt even take a full year. im only asking to get to know someone steadily but a little bit slower rather than the full speed that most ppl seem to operate on. i cant believe anyone could ever like me plus im scared of being abandoned and hurt.... which is what everyone has done to my except my mom. everyone else i've known has left me and then im like.. what even is the point in getting to know someone, care about them, only for them to ditch me at a point i wont even see coming or have the power to stop?

anyway. that doesnt matter. i know the only way for me to ever connect to ppl is to shove all of that down and pretend i dont mind the blood dripping out of my mouth from biting myself in the tongue. i have to put on a mask and pretend to be a human being. but also this doesnt matter either, i dont really feel like.,. i dont wanna get to know anyone rn just to have them leave me. everyone leaves. everyone. and they always has someone else that fills my space, while i love true and real and i cant just exchange people. idk. it just hurts so much. why cant i be so special to be kept? im always thrown away.

also that doesnt matter. i couldve done things differently but only now when im at that place in my fear curve. but that doesnt matter and it's too late. but also i said things. i said i love u, i said i wanted to work things out even if you have a lot to deal with rn, i said u're the only one i wanna date, i said you're my favorite and the most important to me. and to that i didnt receive any reciprocation. if i had kept saying more hadnt it only been harrassment? it all makes me so sad and i keep going over it and over it bc yes i couldve done things different, but i said what i wanted to say. i said im in love with you. didnt really get anything that i knew what to do with. only that maybe the time wasnt right bc there was too much going on. said i love u i love u i love u. ????? said you're the only one i wanna date - static. what was i supposed to do with that??? i felt so so so rejected over again and it made me so confused bc i thought that i wasnt the only one with those feelings (based on words actually said not my fantasy/imagination).

isnt.. i love u. i wanna be with u. you're the only one i wanna date... clear? how more clear could i have been... yes i was messy and confusing and pulled away but i tried talking about it all i wanted was to talk about it and see where we were standing and if if if if if ....

and it hurts and is humiliating to love real and love true because im here all alone all alone in this space. and me? i dont even leave a space behind. i dont even leave a void behind. that space is already filled and im fading more and more like i never was at all. why am i such an awful person for being upset that i never leave a mark? im never special or important and like omfg i love u sm i'd also do everything for u i wanna work this out i wanna see if this can go somewhere i love u i dont wanna lose u. i always tell the things i also wish someone (mutually) would say back. i dont really blame. bc i get it. but it makes me sad bc i got to hear things that made me think that my feelings were reciprocated. and then .. theres not even any talking about it. the fact is that i loved so deeply that i wanted to fight for it and do anything and everything i could to make it true. and the fact is that... i was never even asked. how do u really feel? what do u think? i wasnt so special so important to even be talked to. just ... thrown to the side. thats fine. your love doesnt matter anyway. maybe there was care. but not the love that i feel. and that just makes me so sad bc u cannot force love i know that.

the fact is. that i am here all alone, crying and missing someone... loving them so deeply... and they are talking to someone else everyday. not missing and crying and loving me with the force and intensity i do. life is cruel. esp to someone as sensitive and emotional and true and loving as me. we always get fucked over by everything and the entire universe. pain everyday. love is painful. i wish i could surgically remove it from me bc the person i wanna drown in it doesnt want it. thats sad. but thats life. no ones fault even. i dont blame. no anger. but im sad that i never even really got a chance. not a question. not a choice. no opportunity. no chance no chance no chance. just all alone forever

[tojisun]

Sorry it turned into a depressing rant

Anon who asked about your fav studio ghibli movie here!

I love howls moving castle so much, I love the part when Sophie starts cleaning the house, I love how comforting it is

I love the sass from everyone, I love how kind Sophie is

I love howls line “I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful” as much as it sucks I agree with him. I’m not smart so the only thing I can offer is my looks and personality to people I meet. If I’m not beautiful, then what’s the point? Sorry if it sounds shallow but when you have nothing to offer in this world, the only thing I can work on is how good I look and present myself. I know I shouldn’t think like that, it’s damaging

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, there will be people who find you attractive and there will be people who won’t. People you find attractive, others won’t, so sometimes I try not to think too much about it since we never know.

All my life I’ve been slow academically. My siblings are all smarter than me so I’m always the dumb one. I’m not skinny but I’m working on it, even tho it’s so hard, but I have to be skinny, my life will definitely turn around when I’m not too self conscious about my body. I know I’ll still have those negative thoughts and even after I’m skinny I won’t be happy but, as of now, I never leave the house, my anxiety about how I look keeps me from taking in person classes. I never want to leave the house unless I look good, because I don’t want anyone seeing me at my worst, I want everyone to see me as the best version of myself. So I never leave, my social skills have tanked since 2020 since that was the last time I took a in person class, and that was in high school 😭😭

I feel so immature and stupid, and people my age (19) are doing better than me. I just give up before I even try, and I’m so behind since I’m in my third year of college and I still don’t have an official major, I’m so behind, and last semester I didn’t take any classes cuz I was so depressed and embarrassed, since I failed two classes. It’s an horrible cycle of pity and dread and I’m scared I’ll never get rid of it. And I’m scared of talking to men, but I’m supposed to get married and have a kid before I’m 30 since you’re more fertile and it’s better to have kids young, and I’d love that but I’m scared my kids will turn out like me, disappointments. And I won’t know how to fix them.

So yeah… we veered off of howls moving castle.. my bad💀

re:

!! this got long im so sorry

first of: pls dont apologize! u are welcome to vent here in my blog, im happy to just be a bouncing wall to u guys (if my usually long responses arent what u guys wanted to see). thank u for trusting me (us) with this and im truly sorry for how late im responding

i do love those parts of howls moving castle! i never understood why howl was lamenting about his looks when i thought he looked beautiful w orange hair. orange used to be my favourite colour ^v^ it isnt one rn but i am still fond of it.

i loved orange even when howl didnt – u are correct that beauty in the eye of the beholder. beauty also goes a long way. it’s a horrible reality but when u grew up fat, u get told so many times about how much better life would be if u could just lose weight. i truly cant tell u when i stopped thinking so little of myself.

honestly love, its just so recent when i felt good enough in my own skin – blemishes n all. i never thought itd get better tbh; i thought itd stay this way but it got better. and im scared to promise to you a range of when it will get better, but i do know that it will.

u feel immature bc u are still young! 19 is so young so pls dont punish urself for feeling young, for thinking young, for not knowing anything past being young yet. as a younger sibling, ik for a fact im still so immature. it took me getting a job (during the weekdays) n going to uni for me to mature up, n i was 20 when that happened. so recent!

i also completed my associates slowly bc i was struggling in college! i once took a sem where i only had one class bc i was so overwhelmed that i had to slowly pace myself so i can keep going. high school babies u n then boom, u get hit w juggling responsibilities in college that kinda makes u wanna quit – but u didnt. u took a break and then bounced back!! my love, if that isnt resilience, then what is?

ive never wanted to settle down. i think its bc i thought id be gone by now that i just dont see myself having a family of my own so i apologize for not knowing how to empathize about the ‘deadline’ but u are just 19. before age 30 is so far away! u have sm to live for in between those years. sm to experience and to meet and to love!

also, not having a major yet is also fine! i declared a minor just this year – and im a fourth year already. pls dont worry. u have time – that is something i wanna keep emphasizing. u have time. it feels like the world is collapsing rn bc of fear and anxiety which, my old therapist told me, is a sign that u (and i) wanna keep going. that u wanna keep living.

and from what i could see, especially coming from me who wanted to just give it all up, that is enough. i know that the reasons behind u working on urself isnt a sustainable mentality, but hopefully one day u will wake up and own ur hard work for urself. not for others.

aaaa this got too long im so sorry, im being emotional on my end but i just want u to know: u are not a disappointment. u arent.

ur alive and ur making connections and ur trying ur best (even though it doesnt feel like that on ur end but u are!!) so how could u be a disappointment? and even if u dont wanna do anything, ur also not a disappointment. not even then.

ur future kids will be so lucky and happy to have u as their mom. and they too will be beautiful; they wont need any fixing bc there isnt anything broken to fix.

i love you. i dont know who u are but i love you. i love all of you.

[sspidrwebz]

nights reflection | tw, sui

i think its obscene how you treat how i feel

you really think im bluffing, dont you?

to you im just an angsty teenager who says these things for kicks. 

as if its a trend.

and its sort of odd because in a way, it is.

it is a trend.

do you think thats a good thing?

do you think thats safe?

do you care?

sorry, i forgot.

i could be crying on my knees before you, begging for you to notice me.

i could be screaming. 

screaming the words i need to say.

the words i wish i didnt mean.

but you wouldnt listen.

i know.

ive tried.

i try my hardest not to cry in front of you anymore.

you call me weak for it.

im not weak.

i used to think i was.

i used to think i was weak because i couldnt get myself to hurt myself enough.

i was always too afraid of the pain.

but im far from weak.

because despite what goes on in my head every day.

im still here.

sometimes i wish i was as weak as you say.

instead of telling you, i act out.

i throw any object near me, i let the dishes crash as i wash them, i punch the walls as hard as i can.

i do anything to get that attention, to be noticed by anybody at all.

for you to see just how badly im hurting.

i do this in hopes youll come into the room and talk to me.

in hopes youll stay by my side.

in hopes that, even if i say i wont kill myself, youll stay here.

i hope to god you dont believe me.

because i don’t believe me.

but you dont come. 

so i cry.

because i know you wont see me.

do i have to try?

do i have to jump?

do i have to bring a knife with me?

i know you wouldnt notice.

do i have to hurt myself? 

do i have to want so badly to die?

is that what it takes?

will it ever be enough?

when will my suffering be enough of an excuse to be loved?

i dont think it ever will.

not until its too late.

the other day you showed me how to use your gun like it was nothing.

that scares me.

i tried to distance myself.

because i knew what that knowledge would do for me.

but you insisted i learn.

lucky me, i suppose.

i hate it. 

i hate that i want to be the one you worry about.

i want to be the reason you hide the knives in the house. 

i want to be the reason you worry if i dont get home on time.

i want to be the reason you call me to see if im okay every day.

please ask me if im okay.

if you care, maybe i wont say yes.

please care.

i need you to care.

i want to stay.

dont make me leave.

_____

i found this in my notes app. from a month ago, im okay now but i thought id show it bc its good i think

[drifloonz]

The multiple miki thing might be because Miki could've been based on Charizard M and that thing is known for cloning itself.

Tbh i cant fault shadowmalerenamon for completely changing doors open when rewriting it. Having missingno be the main antagonist was miles better than how Steve was in the original.

( mention of suicide ig )

i respectfully disagree . i see where you're coming from but i think all of the rewritten strangled... duology i guess bc strangled red itself never got one

( thank fucking god to be honest. it needs No change. although at the same time its kind of funny it never got one bc its the most popular one and going more into him as a Person if smr didnt fuck it up would be nice ... but im too attached to my own interp based off of his canon implications to care about what smr kind of has to give. and he already did that in og strangled red, to a degree, although it focuses on the tragedy there is character stuff to be extrapolated from the implications of the story if youre very deeply ill. like me. )

- is a lot less character-focused, at least on steven specifically, and is focused on explaining or rewriting shit that never needed to be explained or rewritten. it is a revisit and reinterpretation of the story, that to me, is just purely kind of . Not good or fun to read. and the new shit it introduces is fucking stupid imo. steven being banished by the town instead of... fucking. killing himself ( especially specifically by cop. that's lame and way more boring + FUCK THE POLICE !!! + It feels out of character for steven he would just do it himself like actually. Also yk. hanging yourself is narratively thematic and ironic. ) or whatever goes so much harder .

guy who loves his town and home region and wanting to be a role model and wanting to be cool so badly being driven mad and then the entirety of kanto, his homeland, forsaking him and walling him off goes crazy . Also because it implies they're scared of him to some degree which also makes me go crazy as an implication.

[ more put below bc i love to fucking yap about strangled red and how much i dont like the rewrites ]

i Will not step down from 'the rewrites arent good' . Doors open is mostly bad because stevens characterization is garbage. even though its random and from left field ( why the fuck is he in sprout tower ) it couldve been handled well if it was written better characterization-wise.

also i supposed the 'M charizard makes sense. not. not really i don't actually think smr thought that through. if he did, which he couldve because she is named #'M# in Strangled Red, cool, but i still think it's just to make the "miki" name thing with 4 party members he has. which is cool admittedly. it's just that i hope it is never explained why he has 4. and it never has since, doors open rewrite didnt do anything with that thank god.

and bc he wouldnt have any other mon other than miki post-incident and afaik that thing only replaces existing partymembers, and steven canonically releases all his team in SR + pokemon avoid him. but yea. Doors open i treat as a 'spinoff' in a sense bc nothing from it really makes sense when properly thought through, and its basically there to make the lost silver crossover i feel. also, yk, he literally says "Never." in strangled red when you press switch on 'M / missingno/revived/whatever you want to call miki post revival. its kind of out of character for canon-compliant steven to have anything other than miki post-incident for these 3 reasons - i only made a team for him post incident bc im autistic about pokemon and pokemon teams so that was for fun.

basically it makes more plotholes and questions than not the more strangled reds plot stuff tries to be explained or added upon esp in the remakes which i think are not fun reads if you like steven as a character anyways. and also bc strangled and doors open in the ogs are easter eggs. trying to explain what is supposed to be an in universe easter egg in pokemon would obviously be kind of a lesson in futility. not. not exactly but at least in the way smr does it.

strangled makes sense, you just go to his fucking house and hes there. yea. doors open is like. Yea hes in johto now. dont ask. but its also easily explainable as... He just fucked off to johto. For what reason? idk. hates kanto bc theyve forsaken him and banished him to the Woods, just wanted fresh air i guess, or just for fun. these are all more plausible reasons.

iirc the rewrite doesnt even say why hes there and if it does the reason is convoluted and not needed. i think its just 'hes a ghost hallucination... thing??? following the mc which is the most boring route to go for with steven and the most uninspired thing ever, and missingno was not the antagonist just a plot device in the og story Why are we focusing on it so much.' and its still a plot device in the rewrites! it isnt explained ( good the explanation would be kind of awful ) and i cant see any good way to explain missingno other than the way i do as a fun idea. which is biased but the 'failed clone of mew number 3' is a fun idea.

this is an insane ramble from a deranged person. if you can't tell i fucking love steven as a character and smr does him dirty except in strangled red, really. strangled... is fine but bc he barely talks in that one and when he does its like. yea. that checks out.

no hate to you btw none of it was directed at you specifically just smr and strangled reds various canons. you just gave me an excuse to ramble about how much i dislike the remakes tbh. I fucking LOVE analyzing why i hate things esp involving steven bc hes not greatly written by his og creator and not often greatly written by the fandom either .

[thekidsarentalright]

atlas bestie i’m so genuinely terrified for my show after seeing last nights setlist… XO?!? GET BUSY LIVING?!?!?! SPIDEY?!?!?! every time we think they can’t get more unhinged they Do!! i’m the best kind of scared for my show bc it’s soonish and i feel like they’re abt to snipe me lmaooo 😅 between whatever tf pete was doing during get busy living and the whole spidey thing and xo with like… no warning. this is so much. like wtf else could they possibly do and why are they the scariest lil guys ever and how are we meant to survive this??

also not to get emotional but that speech before spidey made me kinda tear up! like this band genuinely wasn’t supposed to make it this far and they Did and patrick overcame so much self doubt and just 😭😭😭 he’s playing songs he wrote for a spiderman cartoon at a SOLD OUT SHOW at madison square garden with his best friends!! never thought i’d be crying over spidey but that happened lol… sorry for the rambling but the patrick emotion is so strong rn, everything he said abt impostor syndrome was super fuckin validating and just. how do they do that? how does fob always do that?? i’m gonna be an emotional wreck at my show and the 8 ball is Not gonna help lmao

(alsooooo this is hella late but AHHH CONGRATS ON GETTING ALLIE!!! <3 u won SO hard fr fr!!!!! genuine question, how did u not like… collapse when that started? like anything from soul punk is insane but especially that song?? holy shit 😭)

- 🧋 anon

GODDD BFF I KNOW RIGHT??? the madison square garden setlist was sooooo crazy and tbh last nights was too like.... i swear each show theyre just getting more insane somehow i am SO scared in the best way too for my next show and u are in my thoughts for yours 😭 like every time i think there isnt more they could do, they find something so like. truly we're in for it for these last 9 shows!!!! we are not surviving!!!!!

also YEAHH WAUGH that speech made me soooo emotional too do Not be sorry for the rambling bc literally the fact this band was supposed to just be a fun little side project and is now This big, to where patrick can play his scoring "day job" songs to sold out audiences of thousands for Fun because he Wants to for his passion project is just. so much??? seeing him, like, overcoming imposter syndrome in real time??? it is so so sweet and inspiring literally how do fob always manage to be sooooo healing and beautiful and inspirational i can't handle it!!! manifesting thee most insane emotional 8 ball for you tbh fkjsnfds

alsooo AUGHHH THANK U i still cant believe i got allie live like. tbh idk how i didnt collapse either i think i was just in such shock it was happening 😭 i remember turning to my mom and sister w my jaw fucking dropped repeating "THIS IS SOUL PUNK??!!??!" over and over... he was so insane for that

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

[mangoisms]

Im just soso obsessed with figuring out tim as a character rn i cant stop thinking abt it (ive always been a jason todd girlie but i read ur fic and that angsty twink latched onto me and refuses to let go)

I think u have a pretty good hold of him, especially bc in present comics writers are so intent on elevating tim in spite of other characters (barbara and her hacking skills for example, or any comparison made btw him and any robin, really) that most portrayals of him are so boring it makes me cry, while you on the other hand took the approach to write about his flaws (which are MANY) while still making him charming and handsome (he is so... !!!!)

To me flaws are also tied to not only the good traits of characters but also their core beliefs and ideals so what can you say abt tim?

I know he can be stupidly arrogant and patronizing at times, that he's always idolized the position and legacy of robin and constantly fights his insecurities with this role and his abilities for the job, that he can also be incredibly selfish or outright mean when it comes to being mindful of other people's feelings for the sake of logic (re when he didnt tell tam abt his dad not being actually dead), but at the same time i cant figure out exactly what he wants to do with his role as robin (or red robin) or why he would want to keep going when his main goals first were just making sure bruce wouldnt go down a dark path, im pretty sure he mentioned not being a vigilante forever but his actual goals remain unclear to me

(Im in the midst of reading his solo robin run but ive read red robin so give me a little room for this, you are definitely free to talk abt more of his comics bc i havent read everything yet and everything im saying should be taken with a grain of salt, video essays and the issues ive read can only get me so far)

He could have gained an inherent desire to help people after all his time as robin and the so fucked up shit that happened to him, maybe as a ways to channel his grief (much like dick and jason and bruce, im thinking abt identity crisis here) after he isnt "needed" as robin anymore, but at the same time that would be so tragic because he was supposed to be different to them, he was supposed to remark the importance of robin's role in helping be "batman's light" and not becoming like batman himself, its just so interesting and im still trying to really understand the extent of his character so id just. Love to get ur thoughts and musings on what fuels tim as a character and how you see him

(I dont have this problem with jason bc his moral conflict is very crystal clear to me and also so freaking juicy, his actions are logical and so understable, granted he also hasnt had as much screentime as tim and i can see when writers just Dont Get Him, misunderstanding the original intent of his character coming back etc etc etc, tim has grown and evolved throughout his tim as robin so this might factor in too)

Anyways sorry for the long post i hope this is alright !!! Loved ur fic to bits and ur writing is a blessing mwah

okay HI i am not exaggerating when i say that i have been thinking about this ask since you sent it HAHA tim is just a parasite in my brain he won't let go...

that's the funny thing about portrayals of him today... i feel like people want to elevate him as a potential batman or a character closest to bruce in terms of intelligence and detective skills, which isn't true at all, i think (because, exactly, you have babs Right There), and of course, narratively, this is all a good thing (this post covers it well, i think). it's in the same vein of people making tim out as the most dangerous person in the batfam, should he ever chose to go down the path, which i can partially blame red robin (2009) for with this panel....

(and i don't think that's true either. he has the potential to be dangerous just like any of the others but i think the ones to really be scared of are babs, dick, and cass but ANYWAY)

in general, red robin 2009 was a bumpy time for tim with bruce's death and his spiraling, but it seemed to really inform what they were going to do with his character. no more time for the civilian life, committing himself much more thoroughly to The Mission like bruce. which is, if you ask me, a negative progression of his character, which isn't bad, exactly, in terms of storytelling, but it feels like all we get are the 'good parts' now -- the intelligence, the status, the resources, and then we don't get to grapple with the consequences.

there were some in red robin 2009 but it was more tim accepting them and making no move to change his actions, which is fine, but now... idk. but i also don't touch modern comics with a ten foot pole so this could just be. Wrong. but that seems like what's going on. so i feel like that's where people get the idea of him being... idk not the Perfect Robin exactly but. you know?

no no yeah i totally agree!

re (because i want to break this down i'm telling you i have Been Thinking About This): at the same time i cant figure out exactly what he wants to do with his role as robin (or red robin) or why he would want to keep going when his main goals first were just making sure bruce wouldnt go down a dark path, im pretty sure he mentioned not being a vigilante forever but his actual goals remain unclear to me

exactly this. he did say that and i've reblogged this at some point i think, showing a panel from robin 1993 where he mentioned he wouldn't be a vigilante forever, then paralleled with that panel i put in earlier from red robin 2009. (there's this post, which touches on another thing about tim trying to set himself apart as having friends and thus not being bruce LOL which is another topic entirely)

i think that was what red robin 2009 was - a negative progression of his character, one that, again, we never really grapple with, especially as dc shoves robin back onto him now.

his motivations are an interesting thing to me, because he did start out coincidentally, saying batman needed a robin but he didn't assume he'd be that robin, it just kind of happened because he was there (well much more went into it but you know?).

but aside from that, i've never gotten the impression tim really does it for people. i mean batman in general has been about the detective work but i think towards the 80s/90s/00s there was a shift to focusing on the people but tim has never really struck me as a hero of the people. he's more about fighting crime than he is about helping people. i think it is partially informed by the genre - re detective comics, etc - but still. he's not like, say, peter parker/spider-man, who is a hero of the people, of the working class. the people are inherent to him as spider-man. tim does it out of duty and responsibility i think, being the light to batman's dark, of course, but he's also very much a teenage boy about being robin - the cool factor, pointedly mentioning he wants to let off steam by knocking around 'criminals' that kind of thing

which doesn't mean he's unfit for it but he operates in an odd grey area as far as his motivation goes, which i think is where we get red robin? he was defined by being robin and he did his job, then he got the boot. so it is very much an identity crisis but we're seeing that negative change as he changes for the worse, for something darker. i mean, yes, red robin 2009 was again bumpy because he was at a very low point in his life but in general, that run was dark for him.

editorial wise, we'd never get to see what they made of it because they did the reboot and started new-52 a few years after. but whether he'd continue being red robin/going down this path, or if he'd shed the identity and go for something lighter... it's hard to say.

i kind of like the thought that he'd change his identity and try to take a lighter approach, try to pull himself from bruce's influence, though with how it's all set it up, it seems fated that he'd end up there. there was red robin 2009, but then there was his sixteenth birthday incident (which sounds bad here and i'd read this before reading it myself but god when i read it it pissed me off so bad... really what turned me off bruce as a 'good' father figure, i can't lie). he ultimately ends up going back and becoming robin and this is the turning point for him where he agrees to enter this mindset that bruce wants him to be in. (this post talks mainly about timsteph but it is also a point to the end about the shift in his character and how that affected his relationships as well)

i mean i know red robin 2009 is marked by the grief of bruce's 'death' and a bunch of other Very Bad Shit but even when we got past that and he had his little 'Let me let in the people who love me because i am Not batman' he then proceeded to go a little surveillance crazy and make a hit list (something like that, it's been a while..) but. yeah.

ultimately, at the core of his character, i think he is good and compassionate and kind, so, even aside from all that (like the birthday incident), i think he would've made his way there eventually. it could maybe be why we see him returning to robin, if we wanted to try and pretend dc making him be robin is a completely normal and logical decision that they actually thought through. like a way to return to the bases and feel it out from there. though i still think they could've just. idk. given him a BREAK from vigilantism to figure it out. i'm a big proponent of civilians and their place amongst vigilantes and superheroes and i feel like tim's due a break, which is why i put that stuff in my fics. i do want to see him step back and try to figure out his life, because at one point, though robin 1993 was arguably defined by the balance between robin and tim drake and had plenty of civilian friends to keep things interesting, we don't see much as far as what he wants to do. which i suppose could be part of his relatability factor that tim drake, the character, was conceived with

but idk at this point they have to give us something 😭 anyway. this got VERY long i am very sorry.. i don't mind long asks either but i might've overshot my response... alas. i also hope i more or less answered your question??? if not feel free to slide back in here and talk to me! i rambled a bit here and it's like. 3am rn i'm scheduling this to post because i wanted to get it all written Now and. yeah.

thank you SO much very happy to hear you're enjoying everything <333 hope you continue to enjoy :**