#just an absolute buffoon

[natjennie]

honestly my ideal ofmd ed and stede sex scene is like a comedy of errors and stede being absolutely flabbergasted at being wanted at ALL like ed is like "ouagh I want you so bad" all grinding up on him and stede goes "you... what?!" and ed says shit like "fuck yeah stede I need you in me" and stede is sweating and frantically looking around like "do you mean to be talking to me?" "God, yes, take me, come on, please" "are you quite sure?" "yes im sure, I need your dick inside of me like. yesterday." "my WHAT?!"

[bandzboy]

well this is just a god awful response and they should be ashamed

[carlyraejepsans]

hey look, it's the kid protagonist that was hugely formative to your identity as a child! wouldn't it be fun to try to imagine how their life would be now if they grew up like you and they were also in their 20s? (<- words of a man about to step on a rake)

[dittolicous]

"anti-zosans just dont get it! the appeal IS that they hate each other!"

me, a zosan shipper:

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

Every time Yellowstone does something funky I want to throw myself into an active volcano.

Not because of Yellowstone doing the funky thing, but because inevitably the media makes up fear mongering bullshit and everybody nods along screaming stuff about how Yellowstone is going to kill us and that the geologists don't know how to do their jobs and/or BIG SCIENCE/GOVERNMENT is lying to us about severity.

[crowleyinaturtleneck]

[derangedfujoshi]

Collecting what I love to call "Swag Fantasy" like the Infinity Stones. Welcome to the family Z•Z•Z

[friendlifyre]

im gonna pass out

[chaos0pikachu]

is it still rpf is they historically wanted or did fuck each other? asking for a friend

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

gonna be honest, the first time i saw Wally one of my immediate thoughts was "that ascot is the only thing keeping his head attached, isn't it"

[nattikay]

holy crap y’all I beg of you to please learn what metaphor is; METAPHORICALLY COMPARING SPIDER’S SITUATION TO THAT OF A STRAY CAT IS NOT THE SAME AS LITERALLY CONSIDERING HIM A “PET” for pete’s sake you absolute buffoons

honestly the argument in general that “Jake is a bad dad to Spider” feels so bafflingly pointless to me because Jake is not Spider’s dad. He has never been Spider’s dad*. The Sullies did not adopt/raise Spider. Nor were they obligated to.

Now, would it hypothetically have been very kind/compassionate of them to take him in? Sure! Of course! Absolutely! But can we please stop acting like they specifically were obligated to do so moreso than any other adult in Spider’s life and that therefore not doing so was a massive parental failure on their behalves?

*you can of course speculate that Spider will be taken into the family after/at the end of WoW, but this post refers to the time before/during the movie

[zuzu-draws]

my brain is idea-ing and i'm afraid yall won't be able to handle it. (if i do it right)

[gentil-minou]

Has anyone done a Secretary Kim wangxian au but with wwx as the genius but clueless CEO and lwj as the extremely competent secretary with a crush he's resigned to never getting anywhere so he quits leading to wwx realizing his feelings and trying to win him back?

--

Stygian Tech's CEO Wei Wuxian is acclaimed for his innovative work in clean energy especially since he was forced to drop out of college early due to poor funds.

What most don't know is that his BFF from uni, Lan Wangji dropped out with him and took on the role of his secretary

Thanks to lwj's unsurprising talent for organization and his surprising knack for creating space to network, ST was able to get the funding it needed and wwx was able to put his focus on his projects.

He really couldn't have done any of it without lwj, and now at ST's 10 year celebration he means to commemorate lwj for all his help with a plaque in his honor, to go with all the other ones lwj keeps on the wall behind his desk.

They all proclaim him as LAN ZHAN THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER.

Lan Wangji loves them almost as much as he hates them.

Because you see lwj has harbored a crush on wwx since their very first meeting during a heated debate in their entry level environment sci class.

A crush is putting it lightly. He's known he's been in love with wwx for the past decade. Why else would he drop out of his prestigious university against his family's expectations to work as Wei Ying's secretary? For Wei Ying, of course.

Wei Ying's ideas from the very start were unfounded and actually realistic, able to settle debates about clean energy from all sides in ways that made both happy while still being good for the environment. It wasn't fair that his ideas would have to be shoved away because of a lack of money. Lwj couldn't do that to him, to the world.

So, the day after Wei Ying dropped out, so did Lan Wangji

He's spent the last ten years taking care of the tasks Wei Ying could not, so that he could focus on his inventions and marketing them. They made the perfect team, with LWJ happily working behind the scenes to keep the operation organized and running smoothly, and Wei Ying at the the front charming investors and launching his business off the ground.

Lan Wangji doesn't mind his secretarial duties, he used to find solace in them, in fact. Knowing he could take care of the small things so that Wei Ying could put his brilliant mind to use, it was all the satsifaction he needed.

Until now, that is.

He's put his life and career on hold for so long. He has his own dream of creating his own start up, and he can't keep playing the secretary role forever.

And more importantly he can't handle his heart breaking with another plague about their undying friendship, and just their friendship, again.

So, on the night of ST's 10th anniversary, as he drives wwx home (he only trusts himself to get wy home safely; he will need to work on that) he tells him is quitting, putting in his 2 weeks notice.

Wwx thinks he's joking. Is Lan Zhan quitting some secret smoking habit? A prank?

He laughs and laughs, but lwj doesn't laugh with him. His grip tightens on the steering wheel and he looks straight ahead at the road in front of them.

Oh, Wei Wuxian realizes. He's serious.

The rest of the drive is uncharacteristically silent though the tension cuts.

Lan Wangji stops in front of Wei Wuxian's home, providing details about his plan for offloading his duties in the coming weeks in short clipped sentences. He's already scouted the secretarial department and selected a promising woman named Luo Qingyang who will take his place nicely and he thinks will fit wwx's rather eclectic style of running his business.

But wwx doesn't want anyone to take lwj's place. Lwj had been his partner for so long through all the devastating hurdles and endless nights working. How can he possibly go on without him?

But he will, he has to. Because Lan Zhan wants to leave. So he swallows his tears and smiles, as wide as he can make it stretch.

He says good, and he thanks Lan Zhan.

He holds that smile in pretty plastic place, all through his goodbyes, even as he chokes up when he says his usual farewell, "See you tomorrow Lan Zhan"

Then he goes inside his home, and and collapses into choked sobs right there in the entrance as he hears Lan Zhan drive away.

(threadfic here where i'll probs continue this or i'll make an actual oneshot idk anymore)

[crehador]

i don't know if i think it's really funny or kind of a shame that many people are going to know tadaima okaeri solely as "the omegaverse bl" when it's actually such a sweet slice-of-life about community, family, the struggles of the older generation to understand the younger and vice versa, recovering from social isolation and how recursive that recovery can be, forging lasting friendships as adults, and so on. it's so wholesome and drama-free that it barely has any plot to speak of, but what it lacks in plot it makes up for in themes and man. what beautiful themes

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Like all I want is someone to love and adore, but with the smallest inkling that they actually care about me as a person too and won't drop me the first time I'm an inconvenience. If I had that we'd fuck nasty every which way all the damn time and I'd send them cute nudes to fluster them when I was feeling flirty. It shouldn't be so damned hard to find that 😔

[pa-pa-plasma]

guy who was talking over the (critically acclaimed) show/movie & scrolling through his phone the whole entire time: yeah it was fine i guess. i don't get the hype

me: i am going to kill you in real life